#the Wanting To Explain but Being Unable To because the people you're trying to communicate with

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

excuse me i need to Muse on something for a moment

so in Wally's secret 'vinyl' audios, specifically the last few (if we're listening to em in chronological order), obviously he starts to sound more strained/distressed. his breathing is more labored, like it's taking all of his energy to make contact.

but the audio that really caught my attention was the "But i still can't see" one. cause he just said he has more eyes than he did before. he knows We draw them a lot, and it's thanks to that that he can see. but he still can't see?

so my question is: where is Wally physically? cause although he can (assumedly) see the WHRP goings on, he can see through the eyes We draw, that could all be on a, uh... more Intangible level of sight. like the spiral pit is forming an eye, and then there's the eye on the ceiling in the secret Staff Only section - could Wally be in the pit, that space between his reality and Ours, "watching" through the eyes? but unable to actually see with due to the pit being pitch black nothingness? is he somewhere else? is he stuck? he can see, but he can't... see.

(or is he trying to explain an abstract concept - he's not actually viewing anything, but he can sense it. like how he knows We're there, even if he can't see or hear Us. but he just doesn't have the words to describe it other than using physical senses - see, hear, look.)

and him saying "...that I can see. But it is still... I can't..." but it's still what, Wally? dark? something else that he doesn't have the words to describe, so he just says that he can't see?

i know that in the Livestream Trivia Document (compiled by @/the neighborhoodwatch) there was something said about Wally being in a box. my first thought reading that was "oh, so he's in storage? the physical puppet, i mean?" which would make sense - show's over, there's no more use for him. pack 'em up and put him away. but that paired with the "can't see" audio makes both seem a lil... connected.

Wally can't see > he's likely somewhere dark > the inside of closed boxes are dark > Wally's in a box. (or maybe the Neighborhood is the box? it's a stretch, i know, but the map is a box. television sets are often set up in "boxes". maybe it's less of a physical storage box and more of a 'boxed in' sort of thing...)

one question i've had since the Start of my interest in this incredible project is: how is Wally communicating? how has he connected to the site? how does he connect to our reality? the pit almost definitely has something to do with it - most likely acting as a bridge, or the deteriorating of the barrier between our two 'worlds' - but if Wally is in a box and Not the pit or even just in the puppet's reality... how is he reaching us beyond just seeing through the eyes he's given?

or is he in their reality, and he can contact through the pit or something, but he can't actually see the other side? Our side? he knows it's there - that We're there - but none of it is visible to him. maybe his apparent disassociation in the 14 bug audios is a demonstration of him contacting Us. we can see through him, but it's a one way street.

and speaking of the pit - i just had a thought. his whole thing with Us letting him in, opening... the pit on the neighborhood map is getting bigger and clearer. but the presumed Other Side, the one on the Staff Only ceiling, is small. it's the size of a ceiling panel. it seems to me that Wally is chipping away at his side of the pit or 'portal', trying to reach Our reality, but he needs Us to do the same thing on the other side. the QA can hear him calling, but there's no phone on their (Our) side of the pit. how do We call back???

there's a fundamental barrier & lack of understanding between Wally and the QA/Us. he's trying. he wants to be let in, but what does that mean, really? let him in where? open what? he's desperate. he wants us to understand. he's trying so so hard Without the right tools to clearly communicate what he wants. he can't see Us, We can see him, both know the other is there, but there's no way to connect. and the attempts are hurting all parties involved, however unintentionally

#and its very ah. Autistic/Neurodivergent Horror i think? #the Wanting To Explain but Being Unable To because the people you're trying to communicate with #function differently than you. they don't understand. they Can't understand. their brains are wired differently. #no matter how hard you try there will never be understanding. your attempts to connect are somehow Incorrect. #and often - in my experiences at least - being that Different gets you hurt. people perceive your actions/behavior as a slight. #or as intentionally malicious! and then they get mad and you just.. dont get Why? you didn't Want to hurt anyone. you wanted to Explain. #you wanted someone to look at you and Understand. say 'oh. i see you! i get it now!' and have that Connection. #but you will never be understood. never Seen nor Heard. left in the dark. you're accidentally hurting them. they're hurting you. #it takes all of your strength to try to reach them and yet you still. fall. short. because they don't reach back. #anyway ive had these thoughts simmering for a lil while #Knowing whether or not the bug audios are present day or not would cross some theories off and write up new ones i think #that confirmation seems Important imo.... #homebogging #welcome home speculation #welcome home theory #then of course there's the question of how Home fits into all of this... in the early days i was a 'home is evil' believer but now?? #nah. home's not outright Evil i think. there's something complicated going on between them and wally and its role in all of this #im just... unsure of what. i think confirmation of whether his morse code says 'help me' or 'hello' would massively help clear up the sitch #is home an accomplice? a victim? a perpetrator? a secret fourth option? who's to say (yet) #i have many Thoughts about it based on a couple different things - the distorted voice under wallys. the waLLy guestbook entry. etc #but this post has gotten long enough and its Not on that particular subject #*grips the bug audios & home's morse code* you two motherfuckers would clear so much up i stg- #the bug audio's timeline placement could tell us whether or not wally is with his neighbors or if the neighborhood is intact (in some way!) #home's morse code would give Major insight into their place in all of this!!! #AGH THIS FUCKING PROJECT MAKES ME INSANE. IT'S SO GODDAMN GOOD WHO AUTHORIZED THIS- #as always take my words with a Hefty grain of salt & i hope it's coherent! #anyway there's nothing more dangerous & all-consuming than the need/desire to be understood <3

[viburnt]

Is it because he would be so focus on his career and loses touch about his wife. He doesn’t know what he had until he lose it (divorce) related to your post about Izuku being terrible husband

Good job, Anon! A little star sticker for you and some headcanons for doing your homework!

CONTENT WARNING: EMOTIONAL NEGLIGENCE, DIVORCE/FAILING MARRIAGE

Out of all the pro-heroes from 1A's genwrarion, Izuku is by far the worst partner to choose because he is the most career-focused out of the group. "But Viburnt, what about Kacchan? What about Iida? What about-" I'll get there, let me explain.

We all know that, since he was a kid, Izuku's dream was to become exactly like All Might: a hero who could bring hope and safety to those who needed it. Compared to others, however, he didn't have it easy; he was born quirkless. The people around him tried to bring him down, he struggled with his new powers once he got them, and to make it all worse, he had to deal with the responsibilities of being All Might's successor.

Izuku sacrificed a lot (perhaps too much) to become pro-hero Deku, forgetting that sometimes life is more than his job. So when he marries you, his brain sort of assumes he can take you for granted because "you understand how important his duties are". Because, why wouldn't you understand that he had to save lives?

The first few years of marriage are like a fairytale, gotta give him that; he showers you in gifts and attention, buys you expensive jewelry, and takes you to his galas. You're Mrs. Midoriya, but you soon face the harsh reality of being tied to the number one hero of Japan. You soon understand that being Mrs. Midoriya implied more than a wedding ring.

The stress of being constantly under the scrutinous eye of the media takes a toll on the dynamic of your marriage. Mistakes can't happen, scandals or situations that can be taken out of context are strictly forbidden. You are trapped in a golden cage, and you can't complain because your husband is so good to you! What kind of person would dare to say a thing about the man that gives them all kind of luxury?

Izuku spends a lot of time patrolling or on missions to take care of you, often coming home late or forgetting important dates or promises. He tries to make up for his lack of attention by buying you even more stuff, but that doesn't quite sustain a marriage, you know?

Needless to say, if you want to form a family, you'll have to do it on your own. He is barely at home, and when he is he's just so worn out by the routine he straight up falls asleep. Supposing intimacy does happen and he gets you knocked up, you'd pretty much raise that baby by yourself.

And now, back to the first point. Why is Izuku the worst if there are other characters that are as career focused as him? The answer is fairly easy: environment. If you take a look at Bakugo (to exemplify), he was born and raised with both parents. He was taught how to do chores, how to be self sufficient and independent, and how to be responsible. Bakugo has his own flaws like being unable to communicate his feelings properly and being too stubborn for his own good (which can also make him a terrible husband if unresolved) but he doesn't have a trauma as big as Izuku's. He never had to fill someone else's shoes. Bakugo (in his own odd and stubborn way) grows out of that unreasonable competition with Izuku, and accepts he is a worthy hero.

Izuku doesn't change in that way whatsoever, he becomes worse. Even if he has a supportive environment, he still feels the need to throw his life under the bus for the sake of everyone else's safety. He may seem independent on the outside but he is not, he depends on Deku. Izuku needs Deku to feel useful, and Deku needs Izuku to keep going. Does that make sense?

Divorcing him is also a nightmare by the way, but I'll talk about it in another set of headcanons if you want <3

"Izuku, can we talk for a second?" You begged, trying to catch your husband's attention as he took his hero costume off. "Not now, sweetheart, I'm exhausted. Maybe in the morning." He mumbled, yawning with tired movements; he made his way to bed, crashing on the mattress and zoning out of reality the same way he'd done many nights before. A heavy weight crushed your chest, holding back the tears. "OK, sorry..."

#my hero academia #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku midoriya angst #anon ask #bnha ask

[gloomy0x0phantom]

Straw Hat Pirates ☆ Sexuality, relationship

Hi there! It's my first time posting a headcanon, I'm so nervous! English is not my first language, I use a translator, so don't hesitate to correct me and if you like what I write, I'd love a little comment~ ✧ these headcanons are related to the manga/anime. I have different headcanons for x readers (●'◡'●)

tw : mention of sex, genital, masturbation

Monkey D. Luffy ☆ Demisexual

✧ At first, I wrote that Luffy is an aromatic asexual, but after finishing his part, I realized it didn't work. I was thinking he is clueless all the time, that he had no interest in sex, borderline disgusted by it, but... no? ✧ Luffy loves sex, he just hasn't discovered it yet! ✧ Unsurprisingly, he's never been in a relationship and isn't looking for one. He's married to the adventure and the one piece ✧ Luffy is completely lost when it comes to love, romance, sex, relationships... Don't get me wrong, in friendship he's the best friend you could ever wish to have, but being in love with him is a real pain in the ass. Boa Hancock is the proof, poor thing. At the same time, falling in love with a 17-year-old when she was 29, uh... that's her problem. ✧ Chopper and Robin tried to explain the whole act of lovemaking, how babies are created, why he sometimes wakes up with an erection - in short, the basics of attraction, sex and hormones. It was a failure. Luffy understands the words spoken to him, but is unable to see why it concerns him. My boi feels nothing 99.9% of the time. ✧ Chopper wanted to continue the conversation, but Robin suddenly realised what was going on. "Luffy, when you see breasts or a penis, muscles and butts, does your body get hot? Does it make you feel very happy and excited?" "Nah." ✧ The whole crew "knows" his sexuality, they all think Luffy is asexual, but it's not their fault, even him thinks he's completely asexual. ✧ He doesn't jerk off. He's more excited about the One Piece than naked humans and I totally get it. ✧ When the Straw Hats talk about love and potential future partners, it bores their captain to no end. People have tried to figure out what Luffy is looking for in a partner, but it's all a blur to him. ✧ Luffy is passionate, he always gives his all in everything he does, he's ready to die for his dream and his friends, he prioritizes the One Piece and his crew. He wants a partner who's like him and shares the same values. And who can cook!

Roronoa Zoro ☆ Demisexual, gay

✧ Zoro knows he's gay, but he doesn't know he's demisexual. ✧ To be honest, Zoro doesn't know when he discovered his sexuality. He's always had a thing for strong spirits, bodies shaped by hours of training, solid values and someone who can take care of themselves in a fight. A woman can very well have these traits, but they're not the ones who capture the swordsman's attention. ✧ Zoro is not familiar with the various terms of the LGBTQ+ community, pronouns, gender, it's a very abstract concept to him and above all, useless. He doesn't understand why people try to put a label on their foreheads and put themselves in a box. You're straight? Ok. You're gay? Cool. You were born in a man's body, but you're a woman? All right. He doesn't give a shit what you've got between your legs or what you like (unless it's illegal). ✧ It's no secret that he's gay, but he doesn't talk about it openly. He embraces who he is, but he doesn't want to discuss it. What he likes and what he wants is nobody's business but his own. ✧ He's never expressed his orientation and preferences out loud, but he's sure Nami, Robin, Brook and Franky know. ✧ He's never been in a relationship. ✧ He had two one-night stands, only to discover that it wasn't enjoyable. Yes, the act itself was okay, only because he was emptying his balls into a hole and not into his hand, but the experience was never fun enough to make him want to do it again. ✧ When he fucked strangers, Zoro felt disconnected from the act. His body moved, but his head was empty, as if he were on autopilot. He wanted it to be over as quickly as possible and to leave without ever seeing the man again. After what he considers two failures, Zoro has simply crossed the possibility of sleeping with a stranger off his list. ✧ He knows he'd like a partner who knows him from A to Z. He doesn't want to waste his time with someone who might drop him after a few years. ✧ Zoro doesn't consider himself a romantic, but... ideally... in a perfect world... he'd like to find his soulmate and die by his side.

Nami ☆ Lesbian

✧ I'm sorry, but this girl NEVER liked men. ✧ She was the little girl who didn't want to play with baby dolls and was disgusted by the idea of marrying a boy. "Boy? ew!!!" ✧ When she lost her mother and joined Arlong, her hatred for men increased x1000. From then on, she was surrounded by men 24/7, and subconsciously, the words pirates and men became linked. Luckily, Luffy arrived and helped Nami out of her predicament. But strangely enough, her distaste for men never went away. Her prejudices are still as strong. ✧ It's silly, but Nami is the kind of person who realized her sexuality one night before bed. Like, "Oh. I like chicks. Cool." and fell asleep without ever thinking about it again. ✧ She accepts her love for women, but she does NOT want the world to know. Her friends ok, but their allies, the government and their enemies? Nop nop nop. ✧ Anything to do with her person, she prefers to keep a mystery. Why ? Because she doesn't want this information to be treated as a weakness. ✧ Nami is terrified of love. ✧ One day, she'd like to abandon herself in a woman's arms and experience true love, but she doesn't want to relive what happened with her mother. Losing someone dear to her, Nami doesn't think she could survive this misfortune a second time. ✧ As soon as Nami senses that she's developing a crush, she goes into sabotage mode and ends the relationship, forcing herself to forget her feelings, regardless of whether it hurts or not. It's her way of protecting her heart, but also the other person. ✧ She's the most sensitive of the crew and probably the one who'll suffer the most in terms of love. ✧ Her knees go weak when she meets a warm, maternal, smiling, strong and loyal woman. ✧ Nojiko suspects that her sister is a lesbian, but they've never discussed it. Nami is afraid her sister won't accept her, even though she knows it's totally ridiculous and that Nojiko only wants her happiness. ✧ Gazing at the stars one night, Nami opened up to Vivi and confessed her secret. Vivi reassured her that her confidence would be safe, and not to worry about her secret seeing the light of day. Vivi admits that she has never kissed anyone else. They shared a sweet kiss under the moon, their first, but not their last. ✧ Nami had hoped Vivi would stay with the Straw Hat crew, but... she's a princess and her kingdom needs her. Nami didn't allow herself to deal with the separation properly; she felt stupid for falling for a princess. ✧ While she was secretly crying one evening, Usopp joined her and comforted her, even though he didn't know why she was sad. He suspected it had something to do with Vivi, and he was right. After a long hour of silence and tears, Nami explained the situation to Usopp, who gave her a big hug. He explained that he understood how she felt, that leaving Kaya so suddenly had affected him and that he still missed her every day. Then that he felt foolish for falling for a girl so smart and rich, when he's nothing compared to her... After that moment, Nami and Usopp grew closer and share a unique bond.

Usopp ☆ Kayasexual Heterosexual

✧ This man has never questioned his sexuality. He loves women and he knows it, he's never doubted it. ✧ He's so comfortable with his orientation that he's not afraid to kiss and cuddle his best friends. ✧ TIME SPENT WITH THE BOYS IS IMPORTANT AND TREASURED. ✧ You know that person who is always touching his friends ass, and is borderline intimate with them, but 100% straight? Yeah, that's Usopp. ✧ He loves to piss Sanji off by kissing his cheeks and complimenting him in a very unsubtle way. "Oh Sanji, can you open this pickle jar with your so muscular arms?" "Oh you're so strong, so sexy, what would I do to have a brave knight like you?" "Oh no Sanji, I'm stuck, can you help me please? 🥺" Sanji hates him. ✧ He's never been in a relationship, but he's in love with Kaya. ✧ When he left Syrup Village, he thought he only loved her as a friend, but with distance and time... he realized that his feelings were a little stronger than friendship. He doesn't know if she loves him back and he thinks about it at least twice a day. Nami tried to reassure him, even though she's not 100% sure if the girl likes him, but how do you comfort a big scaredy-cat like Usopp? It's an impossible task. ✧ He's a virgin and he's not afraid to say it, he considers it nothing to be ashamed of. On the other hand, he masturbates whenever the opportunity arises, which he's a ashamed. He fantasizes about the day when Kaya and he will be reunited, their wedding, generally cute and intimate scenarios, he feels too guilty to imagine any other woman. ✧ Even if the chance presents itself to sleep with someone, he doesn't want to. He's saving himself for Kaya. ✧ If Kaya meets another man or doesn't share Usopp's feelings, he'll suffer for years. Please, he's pathetic and unable to move on. And rebuild his self-esteem? I swear, he'd rather die than live that reality. ✧ Usopp lies constantly, so when people ask him who Kaya is, oh boy, his description sounds downright like a lie, but it's not. He described her as a beautiful goddess straight from heaven, a delicate blonde with the most beautiful smile, a heart of gold, a perfect body... you and I both know that's no lie.

Sanji ☆ Bisexual (doesn’t accept it yet)

✧ I wrote Sanji last because oh boy, he's a disaster. I must point out that I'm in Dressrosa in the manga. So anything to do with Sanji's childhood, I don't talk about it.  ✧ We all know that Sanji loves women, it's not even a question. ✧ But men, hmm? hmmmmmm ? ✧ Sanji has always been a woman's man, admiring them from near and far, respecting them (while being a huge pervert) and dreaming of being stepped on by them. ✧ He's said to be in love with all the beautiful women in the world, but he's a little unsettled when a woman reciprocates his feelings. When a woman loves him back, he is almost... disappointed. He doesn't know how to react, so he goes with the flow and continues to compliment the woman in question, but deep down he feels awfully empty. This emptiness is made up of doubt, disappointment, fear and incomprehension. ✧ Does she really love me? No, she can't. She doesn't. I don't love her. I can't offer her what she's looking for, she can't satisfy all my needs. She only returns my feelings because I've made her believe I love her, but I don't. She's beautiful, but she hasn't got my heart, she's not for me. We're not compatible, what I feel for her isn't real, it's just a bunch of lies. She'll suffer with me, I might lose her, I'll suffer and she'll lose me. ✧ When he worked at Baratie, Sanji slept with a few women after closing time. All were pleasurable and positive experiences, but purely carnal. ✧ One evening, while he was a waiter, a young lady responded positively to his advances and a few hours later, they ended up kissing in a hallway. After a long make-out session, the woman gently pushed Sanji away. "Before we continue, I must warn you, I..." "Yes, ma douce?" (my sweet) After a moment's hesitation, Sanji noticed that the woman was lost in thought and didn't look well. "We can stop if you-" She took Sanji's hand and placed it on her crotch, where Sanji could clearly feel an erection. Surprise flashed across the blond's eyes and for a moment, his brain shut down. Seeing the cook's lack of response, the woman was hurt and tried to push him away, before he tackled her against a wall and kissed her forcefully, but passionately. His hand continued to caress the erection without thinking too much about the implication. He has a dick too, so... it shouldn't be much different, should it? The evening was perfect and left Sanji with many questions, but also a feeling of satisfaction. ✧ After this one-night stand, Sanji began to question his sexual preferences and became curious. If he enjoyed sleeping with a trans woman, would he enjoy sleeping with a... no. No, no and no. Impossible. Men are disgusting compared to women... but... ✧ To confirm his doubt, he slept with a man and didn't like the experience... Okay that's a lie, he loved it. All the new sensations he felt, he couldn't forget. But he told himself that it was probably an exception, that he'd had too much to drink (he hadn't) and that, in short, he was never going to sleep with a man again. Once again, a lie. ✧ When Sanji joined the Straw Hat Pirates, he didn't have the opportunity to sleep around like at the Baratie, but his existential crisis didn't stop. ✧ He couldn't help noticing Zoro working out. His muscles, his smell, his sweat… Usopp's hair, his long fingers, his back… Franky's speedo, his hairy legs, his abs… ✧ He was able to keep a low profile and not overly observe the other men in the crew, but after the timeskip? Not only had Nami and Robin become even more beautiful, but the men? More muscles, more hormones! ✧ Then his time on Momoiro Island only confused him even more about his sexuality... ✧ Deep down, Sanji loves men as much as women, but he hopes no one knows. ✧ Zoro knows it, Nami, Usopp, Brook, Franky and Robin suspect it.

Tony Tony Chopper ☆ Heterosexual

✧ Chopper loves reindeer women! ✧ Of all the members of the group, Chopper was the only one to forbid himself to think about love. He thought that love wasn't for a monster like him. He accepts his physique and his identity, but being surrounded by humans has led him to believe that he couldn't have a girlfriend, that it was an absurd idea. ✧ As Chopper traveled the oceans with the Straw Hat Pirates, he was relieved to meet people like himself! He didn't believe that hybrids existed outside his case, after all, he'd eaten a devil's fruit and those can't be duplicated. ✧ Zou is his paradise. ✧ Unfortunately I don't have much to say for our favorite doctor, he's a teenager and he likes women. But I can talk about his future! ✧ Have you seen his 40/60 year old design??? GORGEOUS. ✧ When the One Piece will be found and the crew will split up, Chopper will return to Zou and become a guardian. I sincerely believe this is the only place where he will be 100% himself and at peace with his animal side. In Zou, he'll be able to find a girlfriend. ✧ Chopper will have no trouble courting his future partner: he's delicate and takes great care of his loved ones, so it's impossible not to be charmed by him. However, he will have a hard time accepting attention and compliments in return. He will need to work on his lack of confidence. ✧ He is loyal and is looking for a partner who will support his profession, as well as help him manage his time so he doesn't end up like Law (workaholic).

Nico Robin ☆ Fictosexual

✧ ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF- ✧ Robin's childhood was tragic; the poor girl never had the chance to play with other children, to think like a child... to be a child! All her traumas prevented her from developing healthy relationships, until the arrival of Luffy. In her solitude, books were the only thing that made her feel a little human, a little alive. For a moment, Robin could put herself in the hero's shoes and escape into an imaginary world. By always turning to fantasy, Robin developed an attraction to fictional characters. ✧ Female, male, gender-neutral, cyborg? She has no preference, as long as they don't exist in the real world. ✧ Speaking of cyborgs, Robin has a soft spot for Franky, simply because he looks like something out of a book. His looks, his walk, his creations... how can you not be hooked on this robot? ✧ As shown in the anime, Robin has a great imagination! It wouldn't surprise me if she was also on the maladaptive daydreaming team. Before falling asleep, her mind is filled with romantic scenarios, often linked to the novel she's reading at the time. ✧ As much as she would like to have a partner, she finds it hard to imagine sharing her life with another person in a romantic and sexual way. ✧ On the other hand, she can imagine herself living with a partner in a platonic and friendly way, a bit like with her crew. ✧ After so many years of idealizing fictional characters, Robin has convinced herself that no one is worthy of her love, and vice versa. How can she satisfy a partner's needs if she's so broken inside? She's capable of taking care of her friends, but intimate love is an area that frightens her. ✧ Even if she thinks she's satisfied with her sexuality, deep down Robin would like to find a partner who will make her live a fairy tale... ✧ Her power allows her to masturbate in a unique way; she doesn't feel the need to have an unknown body pressing against hers to be satisfied and fulfilled. ✧ Nami is the only one on the boat who knows about this part of Robin. She was unaware of the existence of this type of sexuality and had a little difficulty assimilating the information, but after a long conversation with her precious friend, she now understands and accepts this orientation!

Franky ☆ Aromantic asexual

✧ Franky isn't interested in romance or sex. ✧ He doesn't want to be in a relationship, and can imagine himself spending the rest of his life alone... with his friends! ✧ In the past, he's tried to have crushes, because everyone has them, because it's normal, because it's the norm... right? ✧ He never felt embarrassed by his lack of interest in sex, until those around him started laughing at him in a friendly way. Little did they know that these jokes were tormenting the teenager. After a few tries with girlfriends, he found out that he was never able to reciprocate his partners' feelings. ✧ When he nearly died and became a cyborg to survive, Franky stopped wondering about his orientation and stopped looking for a girlfriend. It's a waste of time. Why would he waste his time courting people just to fit in? And since when has he tried to be like everyone else? Franky is unique and he knows it. ✧ Since that day, Franky has put an end to his search and decided to embrace the person he really is. ✧ Although his sexuality goes against the majority of the population, Franky is good at helping his friends when they have love problems! He's like the father of the crew; when someone's not feeling well emotionally, they can count on Franky, his dad jokes and his warm energy. ✧ Franky sees his orientation as a strength, because unlike the others, fighting a woman in a bikini or an undressed man does nothing for him. ✧ When Franky started modifying his body in extreme ways, he didn't need to think about what he was going to do with his crotch. His private parts are intact, but nothing is connected, so his body can't react. ✧ … but also I imagine him to be heterosexual, who loves sex (super romantic) and HIMBO.

Brook ☆ Asexual, heterosexual

✧ My boi is dead, he can’t feel shit… most of the time. ✧ During his lifetime, Brook was very active! He was a great charmer and liked to share his nights with different ladies. He slept with a man once and it wasn't his cup of tea. This skeleton is open-minded! ✧ His life as a pirate kept him away from settling down and start a family. He planned to end his days in peace with a beautiful wife, children and Laboon, but as you know, death caught up with him. ✧ After his death, his sexual attraction disappeared. Without organs and blood, it's hard to feel anything in the crotch area. But but but but! His love for women never left him. ✧ During the timeskip, Brook was blessed by the presence of groupies to keep him company. He felt valued and happy to have beautiful ladies by his side. He couldn't please them the way he would have liked, but he discovered that he didn't need his dick to get pleasure. ✧ That's right, Brook has discovered that he LOVES to satisfy his partners with his hands, fingers, femur, objects... if you know what I mean. If you want, I'll elaborate in a nsfw headcanon ~ ✧ Although he can't get a boner, Brook is able to get nosebleeds and feel heat in his bones. It's a strange experience to know that he's mentally aroused by certain things, like panties, but feeling empty. It's like a phantom pain. ✧ For the time being, Brook has no desire to be in a relationship. He'll wait until the end of the adventure, go back on tour and when that day comes, he'll allow himself to think about finding a serious partner. ✧ I imagine him becoming a sort of sugar daddy, showering his sugar baby with money and offering her everything she wants. In exchange for a little love and cuddles, of course!

#one piece #one piece headcanons #straw hat pirates #straw hat pirates headcanons #monkey d. luffy #monkey d. luffy headcanons #roronoa zoro #roronoa zoro headcanons #zoro headcanons #nami #nami headcanons #usopp #usopp headcanons #sanji #vinsmoke sanji #sanji headcanons #tony tony chopper #tony tony chopper headcanons #nico robin #nico robin headcanons #franky #franky headcanons #brook #brook headcanons

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Hey, so I saw your post about some fics demonizing Neytiri. That has actually been one of my major fears as a fic writer, attempting to balance Neytiri's extremely valid trauma and the POV I'm writing from (that is typically flawed in some way). I was wondering, since you seem very well-versed on the topic, what do you define as "demonizing" for Neytiri? Is it ok to write from a perspective where a character doesn't really like or trust her, as long as the trauma is noted? Do you have any resources so I can educate myself to properly write this kind of character?

I really want to make sure I'm doing right by Neytiri and improve as a fic writer overall, so any advice you could offer would be very much appreciated!

Whoa, what a complicated and nuanced question. A great one! And I'm super flattered you came to me! Just one I'm going to try to answer to the best of my ability. I'm assuming you're referring to Norm's pov in your fic?

First of all, I do not want to at all proclaim to be an expert on generational trauma; I am not a person of color, and I have been lucky enough to have a very normal and healthy family. I just had a best friend growing up in an abusive household and took steps to educate myself best I could to understand the situation, which I believe anyone would do. So I'm just gonna try to word vomit out my thoughts for you, please ask questions or challenge any of what I say if any of you see anything you think is incorrect. Buckle in, this will be long.

What do you define as "demonizing" for Neytiri?

Demonizing means portraying someone as wicked or threatening, as evil or worthy of contempt and blame.

For me, demonizing for Neytiri is the trend I've seen lately of portraying her as this unyielding, animalistic type character who's hatred of humans, Spider specifically, goes so far that she gets physically violent with Spider and eventually ends up tearing apart her family. In these fics, Jake is always a sad sack loser bystander, loving his wife too much to step in but of course shamefully knowing how wrong what she's doing is. Infantilizing poor white savior Jake Sully, being brow beaten by his mean indigenous wife into neglecting a child is a weirdly strong take in this fandom. Often Mo'at is a wise elder chiding Neytiri for being unable to get over her prejudice. Mo'at and Jake understand Neytiri as much as anyone would, they wouldn't shame her. To me, it's an extremely reductive and frankly borderline racist characterization. When paired with a sympathetic view of Quaritch, it is at best irresponsible and at worst knowingly dangerous.

Neytiri is representative of an indigenous woman. I feel like I don't have to explain why making her violent, volatile, and completely unreasonable is a little bit of a harmful caricature. In these fics, for me, Neytiri ceases to be a person. She looses autonomy to sort of represent this monolith of hatred and prejudice that has hurt our little baby boy Spider. It's crazy to me that people can't apply the exact same empathy they have towards Spider (saving Quaritch) to Neytiri (not being able to trust Spider). They are the most foil of foil characters. Their storylines are extremely similar, if I'm being honest. Essentially, ignoring the fact that Neytiri is a member of a minority community being actively genocided by Spider's people is intentionally reductive. If you can empathize with Spider, and ESPECIALLY if you find Quaritch sympathetic, finding Neytiri's actions unforgivable is racism, plain and simple.

Also, side note, the lengths people go to where Neytiri just literally will not budge under any circumstances at all is INSANE.

(I read a fic the other day where she gave Spider to child protective services behind everyone's back. That's LUNACY. She only came around after she almost lost Tuk when Tuk was suddenly born prematurely and Mo'at came in and was like "Eywa made it so you can never have kids again because of what you did, have you learned your lesson yet?" Like?? I do not understand the HATRED some of ya'll have for her, the suffering you all think she deserves. She's having an EXTREMELY NORMAL trauma reaction to surviving GENOCIDE? Examine yourselves greatly).

But where I was going was Neytiri is the same character who pushed her parents to let them go to human school, fell in love with human Jake, defended him and trusted him despite her family, mated with him and lost her religious position because of it, and then had a bunch of part human kids with him, and adopted a fully freak of nature kid born of a human she loved and respected. She has human friends, she wears and uses human tech, and she forgave Jake after he had betrayed them. Basically what I'm saying is Neytiri, despite her continuous trauma, is the most open and curious and non traditional Na'vi of all time. Girl is READY to meet new people and learn new shit, and to be open to everyone. Sometimes I think about a no trauma Neytiri and I get emotional. I think it's crazy to say she would never budge on Spider, if it wasn't for his dad I'm pretty sure she would've softened lonnnnng ago, if not having liked him from the get go.

Um, that got way too long I have too many thoughts. Second half of your question.

Is it ok to write from a perspective where a character doesn't really like or trust her, as long as the trauma is noted?

This is a tricky question, because technically there is nothing you can't do as a writer. Of course, it also means there is nothing anyone can't criticize you for writing. Like, Colleen Hoover can say she's writing realistic depictions of domestic abuse until the cows come home, I'm still going to say she's romanticizing and normalizing it in a super callous way. Neither of us can stop the other. So yeah, of course you're okay to write from the perspective of a character that doesn't like Neytiri. I just think the point will be what your prerogative is. One of my MFA professors says it in a way I like and I'm sure I've referenced before, if you aren't trying to make a point about something that might have to have a trigger warning then don't include it. I always say I would take it a step further; if your point is to defend that thing, don't do it. So for me, my big points would be try not to project my own feelings onto the character either way; if the character is wrong about something and the narrative intends to show that they will either learn, or we the reader will grow past them. But to be sure what you feel the takeway of the piece is is what you wanted it to be, I guess.

Do you have any resources so I can educate myself to properly write this kind of character?

Well, I have a few on white writers writing BIPOC characters and the ethics of that if you're interested in that. But I don't have any on specifically writing generational trauma. I guess I'd say reading and absorbing are my biggest tools; so reading books/watching movies or TV that use the speculative to translate generational trauma, and learning about and taking in the real life examples the character is based on. Read up on some genocides, and indigenous people today and how their lives are still affected. Even just watch the news; we're witnessing a very public genocide being pushed right to our attention right now. And of course, that is not the only genocide happening rn, it's just the only one we're talking about, so there's plenty of real world case studies unfortunately right in front of us.

#this got way way too long #it's almost midnight and i still have work tomorrow #i was goING to answer a few asks during amazing race tonight and instead #just this #lol #my bad #hope this helps! feel free to ask or dm with any questions or grievances haha #keep in mind i am not an expert! #i am just someone who likes knowing things and is really annoying about consuming ethically #anyways spider fandom i need u to lay off my girl #fandom criticism of bipoc characters is somehow always a little rooted in racism #but that's because we've all got internalized racism my friends and we cannot escape it without daily intentional thought and conversation #neytiri sully #miles spider socorro #spider socorro #spider sully #jake sully #jeytiri #mo'at #miles quaritch #tuktirey sully #norm spellman #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa og #melissa on avatar (cameron) #melissa is an english major

[mapoeggplant]

Man, I am happy that shima is making progress but… the whole situation makes me nervous. There is this, idk how to explain it, menacing undertone through the whole chapter. He is finally acting on his wants, but making a lot of rush decisions largely based on jealousy and loneliness (the fact that we see again how people keep his distance from him. The class politics bit was funny but also kinda sad). The Frankenstein's monster kills people as an act of vengence, but essentially it's a desperate cry for love and attention born out of jealousy, abandonment and hurt. Something Shima relates to a lot. The thing is, while jealousy motivated him before in a positive way (joining the club, confronting ririka), it is not healthy when it's your main compelling force. Of course Shima isn't really doing anything wrong (or i guess it depends whether people agree with Yasaka's perspective) and he wants to hang out with Mitsumi because he enjoys her presence. But there is a lot of other very complicated feelings bubbling in Shima and he is still unable to communicate with her properly. I can't help but wonder what if it ends up hurting her again? And what if this time she really gets angry? We've seen them "fight" before - once when they didn't know each other that well and the second time when shima didn't stand up for her and she ended up kinda swallowing her own feelings. The thing is, Mitsumi is lovely, considerate and forgiving person, and she loves Shima, but she is only a human. In a way, getting angry and allowing herself that feeling would be an interesting development for her too. As for Shima if he were to hurt Mitsumi again, who would stand on his side? Not the girls, Mukai probably wouldn't be too happy with him either. In that scenario - wouldn't Shima prove to himself that he is a monster doomed for life of loneliness? Well, not really, because conflicts are part of any close relationship and I think Shima has to learn that. He is no Frankenstein's monster, just 16. I find it interesting that he will perform the play twice.. perhaps with a different interpretation each time?

That was a whole lot of speculation and watch me be completely wrong and their Kyoto date being the fluffiest and sweetest chapter lol. Also, so sorry for writing a whole as essay, i surprised myself there 😭 

hi! first, please don't be sorry, it's completely ok for you to send a big question to me like this!!

I totally understand and see your point. it is very difficult for shima to be dealing with feelings as heavy as these and to see himself as a monster. it's not healthy and it's not the best feeling in the world, and feeling jealous is always something that hurts a lot.

but I also want to give you a new perspective on this: he's finally acting on his own, be it for acting itself and for trying to express his feelings to mitsumi. he, for the first time, didn't kept it to himself and just stayed in the corner, sad and resentful. he acted a little spoiled and needy? yes, but it's not a terrible thing to act like that once in a while.

now I want to hit a point that you said and I understand where you're coming from: shima hurting mitsumi again. I'm not going to lie, ofc this stays in the back of my mind and I do think about this a lot, not only for the Kyoto trip, but their whole relationship. it's sad to see him not being able to understand his own feelings and acting out on impulse and risking loosing mitsumi but, if it ever comes to a point that he does hurt mitsumi and make her cry, shouldn't we hold him accountable for that?

listen, I'm a shima defender till I die. I'm on this boat for two years (and a half??????? I'm bad with dates, sorry LMFAO) now and I won't back down but if he eventually does something wrong, why would I stay by his side and deny he ever did something wrong? to love a character is to accept that they can fuck up and pick it back again. I won't ever put him in a standard of being perfect and not able to hurt mitsumi at all, but I won't also put him on fire because he made a mistake. he's a teenager. he's traumatized. he's carrying a pain that has been with him longer than his life without certain pain. ofc he will make mistakes and ofc he will fuck it up and...that's completely ok. that's fine. that's life.

I know he's fictional and that his actions are created by a person. he isn't real so like, there IS someone controlling him but for the whole narrative of skip to loafer, we saw characters that were very human, that made mistakes and stood back up, that got hurt, that have complex feelings. so I trust sensei to give me a character that can do something wrong, acknowledge that and fix it. my problem would be if she decides that shima can't do anything wrong anymore or make him commit a lot of mistakes and never realize them (which he never did. he knows were he was wrong, even on the situation between the other girls that left mitsumi sad. he knows he was wrong).

also, shima isn't a monster. him finding solace and seeing himself on frankenstein doesn't mean that he's going to act exactly like the monster himself. actually, in the chapter, he sees the monster's mistakes and reflect on them. he also sees the scientist mistakes. sometimes we find comfort in morally gray characters and that doesn't make us a bad person — what it does is how we act upon that and how we behave accordingly with it.

so, what I want to say with all this: shima is slowly finding his place on earth and trying to make his feelings fall into place. that means he won't ever make a mistake again? no, never. who knows, maybe he can fuck it up on the Kyoto trip and we, as readers and as people who love him, need to call him out. and honestly, I would be very glad if mitsumi was the one to call him out and say "listen, you are hurting me. I'm not going to put up with this". she's sweet, kind and open minded, but she can also stand up for herself, like she did other times as well.

shima is one of the most important characters for me in a whole while. I see myself a lot on his journey to self discovery and just love him and the way he's written, overall. as a writer, he's even my style of character, the type I love to write. so yeah, I will still be making analysis on him, will still defend him with my eyes closed and will still love him. but I will also recognize his mistakes, expose them and try to understand why he did it (all ofc analyzing him as a character, we need to remind us of that!! he's a character and the characters around him, mitsumi included, don't know about his traumas at all).

I hope I didn't sound rude in any way, because that's not what I meant to. I just wanted to be very frank and open with you, because I understand your frustrations and I see what you mean. honestly, it's hard to say "this and that is going to happen" right now, since we're in a very "open" part of the story, starting a new arc that's far from its climax. I hope you understood what I meant and that you can find some sort of comfort on my words.

well, i hope you feel comfortable enough to keep making questions and having a discussion with me!! reflecting on this was very fun and I loved it a lot. hope it was good for you too!

thank you 💛💛

#shima sousuke #two years and half as a shima defender nonstop #I won't back down too soon lmao #duckanswers

[c2-eh]

Charles realising he's in love with Carlos?

thankie anon for the prompt! this was fun to write! enjoy <3

For Charles, it came slowly. Continually building up with every second, minute and hour. With every moment spent together and those spent apart too.

Unlike everything else in his life – hectic, busy and fast fast fast, as fastest as possible, chasing podiums and victories to the exhaustion, till his tyres are scraped and barely able to arrive to parc fermé – this came slowly.

Fast - the word in the first place in his vocabulary. With all the travelling and jumping from country to country, it is almost impossible to find someone that is willing to be part of this lifestyle.

Part of the risk, uncertainty, spotlight, moodswings and thousands things that are hidden under the layers of being Formula 1 driver. His whole life could be summed into this summary – except the love he's feeling right now.

People around the world have different views on this weird, in many cases unexplainable, thing. Some say it is something "fast and uncontrollable, others that's it's "sudden and unexpected."

Charles hasn't experienced any sudden and world-changing realizations that would take his breath away and leave him speechless and unable to do anything for hours, days even. He knows his love for Carlos wasn't expeditious.

If he were to reflect on the situation, he'd tell you he should have seen it coming.

Carlos is explaining something for the Ferrari promo video and Charles only sees him. As if the world around him did not exist - only Carlos' face and his eyes, nose, lips, hair and so many other features that drive Charles crazy.

That's a bit risky – the camera is rolling and the whole world will see him watching Carlos' every move with fond look in his eyes.

He is aware of the soft smile on his lips, smitten. The kind that makes his eyes crinkle at the sides, green eyes betraying him and exposing his feelings to other people around him.

The sun from outside shines into the room and it only defines Carlos' features more. Charles traces his eyes from his luscious locks, down his nose and cheeks dusted with freckles, Charles knows he holds from young age.

Carlos' bottom lip moves a lot when he talks and Charles finds it cute. Endearing. Like everything he associates with Carlos.

"Right?" Carlos directs his attention to Charles. He's smiling. He's so beautiful.

Brown eyes cheerful and mischievous, telling Charles to expect teasing in the near future. Carlos has been trying everything to make him giggle, since the start.

I love you.

"You're correct," he answers, no clue what he's agreeing to. It's an ad, he has to agree to everything either way.

Carlos' right eyebrow twitches for a milisecond in a silent question. Are you okay?

Charles smiles back at him, sending a slightest nod his way. I'm okay.

Warm hand – oh so warm, spreading heat down Charles' back with every touch and brush of its fingers on his skin – clasps him on the shoulder. Carlos' fingers squeeze him, harder than necessary. Another silent conversation between them.

Carlos briefly caresses his left shoulder blade with his fingertips.

I love you. I love you so much.

Charles can't stop looking at him. Thinking how much he wants to end this video and just soak in every drop of Carlos' attention. Turn towards him like he's the sun and Charles is the sunflower chasing the warmth. Feel warm and loved, even without saying it and revealing the most vulnerable part of him. Because Carlos always makes him feel like that.

I love you.

Please love me back.

Charles smiles again and touches Carlos too, resting his hand on Carlos' knee.

He looks deep into his eyes, communicating what's on his mind and in his heart.

I love you.

By the look in Carlos' eyes, Charles knows he feels the same.

#i wanted this to end more angsty #but it's also so cheesy wth #idk idk idk #charlos #charlos ficlet #eva writes #f1 rpf

[20dollarlolita]

So I did ask about pickiness in the lolita community and ur response was great.

In my original ask i actually forgot to ask the specific type of pickiness i had in mind though, which is 1000% my bad.

The problem I have is pretty much one I have with every fashion style I'm into, which is fabrics. I have severe sensory processing disorder (spd), and a solid 90% of fabrics super do not agree with me, of which a lot of lolita pieces and guides use the worst ones for me (i can give more details about fabrics i can and cant wear but plz dont ask about why i cant wear em bc spd is pretty nasty for me) Tulle is among the worst, so I use a crinoline instead, which honestly gives better shape than any petticoat ive tried.

I actually dont have many issues with skirts, since the fabric often doesnt touch you much, aside from petticoats, and own a lot of legitimate lolita skirts, mostly from lolita wardrobe.

Blouses on the other hand. The main problem is a lot of fabrics i find wearable are visibly lower quality than lolita usually has, and it often feels like it ruins the whole coord. For the longest time my go to was just a tank top and cardigan bc even finding non lolita blouses is hard bc of spd, and ordering online is worse bc I cant even feel the fabric beforehand. I could sew a blouse myself but again, the fabric would look visibly different than a normal lolita blouse, even if it was the same pattern used, and I'm scared that that would make it not count.

I actually already have a lot of stuff and have been wearing lolita ish stuff for years, i just dont post pics or go to lolita specific events, because my main fear is that my absolute inability to wear a lot of fabrics leads me to be unable to legitimately participate, no matter how much I try with the rest of the coord. Even wearing a crinoline instead of a petticoat I've seen ppl argue about.

Its less that I'm new and scared and more that I feel like due to spd I am barred from ever getting good, ya feel? And it just feels pretty unfair if that is the case. Im not gonna stop wearing what i wear but I feel lonely sometimes.

Thank you so much for what you do though i love the guides you post and I save pretty much all of them 💚

So, for starters, I'm going to speak to everyone reading this first:

Saying, "tennis shoes aren't allowed in lolita but it's okay if you're disabled," is not disability inclusion. It's shitty. You deciding that disabled people can be held to lower standards than abled people is discrimination. Abled people deciding what is accommodation for disabled people is not inclusion. If you want to be disability-inclusive, you need to listen to people asking for the accommodation and you need to meet them on their terms.

So, to anyone who is inclined to answer this with, "Well, if it's a disability, you can wear whatever you want, and anyone who says it's not lolita is wrong because you get a free pass because they can't hate you for being disabled," that's the wrong way to look at the question.

Because OP's question was about if they can find acceptance in the lolita community because they deviate from the norm due to a disability, and the answer of, "just explain your disability to every single person and hope that they're accepting of it," isn't a good one.

.

So, to actually address the asker.

First of all, you personally are allowed to say, "I just will not wear <x fabrics> because it is not possible for me to be healthy and comfortable in them," and then accept that it's the foundation you need to base your lolita fashion off of. It's completely unfair for someone else to decide what your ability level is. However, understanding where your physical, emotional, and mental limits are, and then working to enjoy the things you want to do without crossing those limits? That's just self-care. That's being responsible.

However, as someone who is disabled, I'm kind of going to say how I feel about situations like this and then hope that it's similar to how you feel. We have different illnesses and conditions and so we might not feel the same about this, so I'm just sharing my feelings for a second.

Because, to me, while saying, "I'm making this exception for myself for the sake of my health," is a completely fine option that I know I can use, I still want to wear elaborate coordinates and celebrate this fashion that I love, and I still want to find some kind of acceptance in the community. Part of this is because I don't want to be required to explain to every single person who could judge my outfit that I need to be different because of something I can't control. It's both completely exhausting and totally terrifying. I have to hope with every single person that I talk to about this isn't a nutball who doesn't think disabled is a real thing, and that they aren't the kind of nutball who wants to take advantage of someone's disability for personal gain on entertainment, and that they aren't the kind of nutball to explain to me that <real one I got:> tantric massage can treat hearing loss.

Also, i wear lolita fashion because I love lolita fashion. Even when I'm making outfit changes that step away from the norm, I still want to be wearing lolita fashion. I don't want to go to my lolita events wearing pajama bottoms and a crop top, even if I think my community will still like me as a person, because I go to lolita events to wear lolita fashion. Even when I'm required to make accommodations for my health, I still want to be wearing lolita fashion. I wear it because I want to wear it.

Thank you for letting me project there. I can't know that you feel that way, but since you asked me, there's what I feel.

And that's a long way of explaining why, even though, "you're allowed to recognize what health and safety accommodations you need to make for yourself, and then keeping to those things is healthy," is a complete answer, I'm still going to keep talking.

In a couple of my other posts, I've talked about the "faking it" cards that you get when you're building a first coord. Generally, when your'e new to lolita, people will say, "ballet flats are okay shoes for your first coord," or "it's okay if your first coord doesn't have a petticoat; just hold your skirt out" or "it's okay if your first coord has a pointed collar on your blouse," and leave it at that. What people don't say is that there's a limited number of "it's okay"'s you can get before it's not really lolita anymore. You only get a few with that first coord before you've gone from "EGL" to "waitress who lost her apron".

What people don't talk about as much is that the "faking it" cards don't go away. You don't hear about it as much outside of newbie communities, because a lot of more experienced lolita-wearers do it without really thinking, but there's always an element of "can I get away with this?" in your coordination, no matter what your level is. People talk about balance in coordinates all the time. There's a lot of bizarre guessing and faking of things and experimenting (my ILD coord this year was me trying to find a way to wear a black bow with a navy dress).

From the way it sounds, you've got legitimate lolita skirts, so if you want to use your "faking it" cards on your blouse, there is probably a way to incorporate things you're able to wear into a lolita look. You mentioned cardigans, which are pretty common in lolita (and as long as you're not taking it off, the visual difference between a cardigan and a cutsew and a cardigan and a tank top isn't really all that big), so it sounds like you're familiar with the lolita guidelines and you're already learning on how to make those guidelines safe for you to wear.

I could go on a little bit longer about the why but this has gone on for a while so I'm just going to say that the community's response to someone who has actually studied and decided to try wearing lolita, but who has to make health accommodations is going to be very different from the response that they have to people who have no experience and demand that the community cater to that inexperience.

[caedogeist-rights]

(uhhh fuckin, wano act 2 spoilers, idk. i dont typically liveblog on tumblr. im at 943 rn.)

rarghhhhhhhh ok so. im not even done with the episode at this point but everything is going so bad for everyone except the strawhats, who are actively in battle so we'll fuckin see. the heart pirates... basil fucking hawkins i want his HEAD he's so fucking CRUEL and just... ugh the CRUELTY on display coming from kaido et al. kid and killer.... like... dude..... fucking KILLER..... i knew i recognized that face (from tumblr, not from the fascinating masked man) and just. oh g-d. oh that is the WORST thing. orochi and kaido steal your dignity and your pride and they are just... so fucking awful.

there's a theme all across one piece of luffy, freedom, vs. a controlling force trying to kill or control more. we know this. within this is luffy going against someone who controls others' specific actions, makes people do what they don't want to do. in thriller bark, dressrosa, and now in wano, (and also others but listen idr) the problem society faces is that someone is taking over their bodies. im putting a pin on connecting thriller bark to these two (short answer: its about someone changing how you're seen) but. i mean we know the connection between dressrosa and wano. we're all one piece fans here.

the POINT is. orochi and doflamingo and kaido and such are powerful people specifically in their ability to remove people's individual free will. doffy takes away movement and narrative/how one is perceived, orochi and kaido take away people's means of living (food) and means of expression (the fucking smile fruit). SMILE makes me so damn mad in a way that doffy's actions never quite did, because it is truly removing a person's... communication, essentially. the way they are seen and can connect with the world is, even if orochi and kaido are dead and gone, forever altered. they're always laughing, but the people fed SMILE who didn't get an animal are silenced. the truth of their lives is hidden and even if they try to explain anything, SMILE essentially scrambled the social signal to such an extent that the message can't go through properly. it's a terrifying thing, to not only be unable to express the emotions you want to, but to be wholly unable to express anything BUT joy. SMILE doesn't just make them laugh and smile, it- either directly or as a ripple effect/coping mechanism- changes how people talk about things, makes people sound optimistic, take things lightly, and overall reduce any weight to their words. they're seen as fools when all they are are victims with their mouths taped shut. and i fucking HATE it.

which brings me to killer.

im just seething with rage tbh. killer's identity has been shattered. the things he cares about have been removed. eating a SMILE, losing his mask- he lost his dignity and his pride and it just hurts to look at. he... has been changed to such a degree. they even changed his fucking name (i think??? at least like... the common name others use for him.) i want him to never smile again if thats what he wants.

AND ALSO THEYRE BEING TAUNTED AND TORTURED AND THATS JUST. REALLY FUCKING MEAN.

i see. now. why wano is like... very much so... of COURSE the place where luffy ends up. and i think. from what ive gathered on this here website. of course wano is where gear 5 happens. they NEED that freedom. luffy save me. luffy. save me luffy.

i have like... 140 episodes left of this arc? im emotional? things will progress to such an extent? one piece is good and wano is weird? prolonged laughter is very uncomfortable to listen to? wahoo.

#grin talk #now the question is whether or not i post this. #it isnt. a meta. to be clear. my metas are more thought out. this is a ramble and a cry for help (im fine but. the guys are Not) #i just like.... ugh this arc... is. whole cake didnt hit me but wano IS. im being AFFECTED. #its a ''shit gets real'' arc i suppose. #also uhhhh idk what to tag but if you're reading/watching OP and youre not at act 2 of wano kindly... step away from this post #but do come closer. i have other thoughts. the luffy leadership essay still needs to be written. #waugh

[nonegenderleftpain]

I'm going through a faith crisis, found one of your posts answering a similar question, and I just figured. I would send one.

I was raised vaguely Christian, I went to church and bible camp in the summer and all that, very very Christian area. We have five churches and only got a dollar store 5 years ago. It's Christianity or nothing around here.

Around the age of 11-12 I think, I learned about judaism and jewish people, and I became interested, but one of the first things I remembered seeing was something basically saying you can't convert so I stopped there, because I felt bad.

I got interested in Islam for a while, but it wasn't for me after about a year of learning off and on.

Then I learned about the Satanic temple, and I consider myself a satanist. Everyone in my life knows I am a satanist, I am passionate about it, I'm an agnostic, though leaning much more athiest.

However, recently, I'm not sure why, but my interest in Judaism sparked again And frankly it's bringing me to tears. I've been crying for a little over an hour now while looking into Judaism and becoming so interested and frankly falling in love with it.

But again, where I love, there's only Christianity. The nearest synagouge is miles and miles away, I can't drive and frankly I'm almost sure my parents will not accept me in this way and drive me to a synagouge anyway.

I'm at a lost for what to do. I feel bad asking jewish people for help, I know it puts you in a weird position I'm sure, but if anything I just want to know, what do I do?

That's a very hard situation to be in, and I'm sorry you're stuck in it. I was raised Catholic, in a town where there were no other options, just like yours. I didn't even meet a Jew until I started college. I also converted to Satanism after leaving xtianity, and I understand the fear of not being accepted. Most of my family doesn't know that I've converted, despite it being well over a year now. I feel less safe being open with them about my religion than I do being open with them about being trans. I feel your struggle and you are not alone.

As for what you should do, there are several things I would suggest. The beauty of today's internet is that many, many temples stream their services online. This would allow you a first step - a means of sitting in and observing, seeing what service is about and being in that space as a guest. See if the closest synagogue to you has their services streamed and request a link for them.

The next step (and one I suggest you take at the same time as seeking out access to online services) is to reach out to a rabbi. Rabbis are teachers, not priests - they are educated Jews who go to rabbinical school to learn halacha, theology and history. Sitting down with your local Rabbi (I speak with mine online since I am unable to drive often and we are both very busy) and explaining your situation to them and your interest in Judaism will gain you the community connection you need to move forward and take down the barriers between you and accessing a temple. I would suggest reaching out to a Reform congregation, as that's what I know most about, but that's not really necessary - agnosticism is very common in all sects of Judaism short of the ultra-orthodox, and belief is not a requirement for conversion.

The third step I'd suggest is getting your hands on a few books on Judaism. I always suggest "To Life!" by Rabbi Harold Kushner and "Choosing a Jewish Life" by Anita Diamant as a jumping off point. If you're down for heavier reading, "Jewish Literacy" by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin is an incredible book. It's well over 600 pages, but it is broken down into very digestible and intriguing chunks that make it easy to read. Jews are the people of the book, and there is not a more universal Jewish experience than study. You Rabbi will absolutely suggest more books, but these three are pretty universally loved.

Trying to find your way into the Jewish people is a hard road, especially with the rise of antisemitism worldwide. There's a lot to learn, and you will never know everything. You are painting a target on your back, and you will need to be very aware of that. If a rabbi turns you away, it will be because of tradition and concern for you choosing to become a Jew in a time so dangerous for us, not because they do not want you there. Be persistent and polite, and ask them what they need from you. They will know much better than I will.

It is not an easy path to take or decision to make. I feel the consequences of my choice daily in everything I do - good and bad. I've dealt with racialized violence as a white person for wearing my kippah outside and giving what is considered a racial indicator to antisemites. But I can also say that it has been worth it in every way. I have found a community, my soul has found rest at Sinai, and I know myself better than I ever have before. I don't know if I believe in Hashem, but I believe in the Jewish people. And I believe in you.

Behatzlacha, friend.

#jewish stuff #lovely anon #the ask and the answer but not the book #jumblr #jew by choice

[vhvrs]

Hello I'm so sorry to randomly put this in your inbox, but I have some real questions that I'm kind of too scared to ask anyone else?

I think I'm... I think I finally admitted that I might be trans? I think? I've been so terrified of calling myself that, especially out loud, because I've been so scared that I'm accidentally being transphobic when I can't even figure out my own identity? I'm AFAB, and I like having a very pretty "girl" body and even adore hyperfeminine "girl" things. Like, I love girly stuff and dressing like a girl? Is it the looking like a girl I like? But like, something has always felt off and like it wasn't quite right to just be a "she"? It's so hard to explain because for years I was just a girl, using feminine pronouns and everything. But as I've gotten older, I found myself using they/them more and more often, but it's actually in the last week or so that I've started using he/him pronouns officially instead of just in my head. And guess what? It felt amazing doing it! But here's my problem: What is it called when you're AFAB, do still really like very feminine things and "looking/acting like a girl", but want to use he/him pronouns? I'm so scared and confused and I feel so ashamed because I'm scared I'm just CIS with extra steps? Like, I see a lot of posts that say a lot of people are just muddying the waters and making things even harder for other transgender people, and I would never want to hurt anybody like that! I've tried Googling my question several times, each a different way because I was worried I wasn't wording it properly? But all the results I get are mixed and I'm confused what they mean. Am I allowed to be a boy that's... like, likes being a "girl", just not called a girl? Or at least isn't called a girl all the time? Just sometimes when I feel like it? Maybe?

I know this is all some really heavy stuff and I'm so sorry for just dropping this on you, but I really need help and I don't know where else to turn. If you're unable to help, do you know some other resources that I might try to look for? I'm sorry. You just seem so confident in yourself and your art has been really helpful, but I wanted to ask because I was hoping that I could maybe just get, like... even a sliver of what might be wrong with me? As dumb as this sounds, I'm scared of just being CIS (Again, I am so sorry for this long post, this text really got away from me)

hey i appreciate you feeling like i was the person to come to w this off the bat and not to fret about the ask at all bc im abt to overexplain myself right back - ive been in this exact same position actually! i had a long struggle moving from being a girl into being where i am now and where i am now is.... who knows! ive been figuring myself out for like. eight years at this point n i expect to keep figuring myself out even longer. the train of thought youre on reminds ne a LOT of how i felt when i started thinking i wasnt cis though so ill just kindve. dump what has helped me? and you can take what you want from it.

point blank anyone who says its possible for other trans ppl or even just ppl exploring their gender to bring harm back into the community are full of shit. they said this when i thought i was a genderfluid demigirl eight yrs ago. theyll keep saying it. it will continue to not be true. ive had friends who explored their gender identities and realized they were cis and if anything its really healthy for them and the community! its not bad to go thru that.

on topic, i could try to point you towards specific labels or communities but trying to get caught up in those can sometimes just confuse or scare you more - again speaking from experience trying to google just what i was and what i was going thru. especially trying to figure everything out at once.

like i label myself as a bi agender bc its EASY n to have a vague thing to tell ppl or put on pride icons but at the end of the day, im just theo. thats my identity n that could be yours too! when i think abt my bf, im a gay man. when im watching crazy girlies on a show, im a girl. when i want to buy nonbinary merch bc nobody makes agender merch, im nonbinary. im just theo no matter what.

you dont sound cis and thats the most important thing to remember. even if you were somehow cis w extra steps bc thats. not a thing. even if you looked n acted n dressed exactly as you did when you viewed yourself before all of this but FELT you werent that presentation, you wouldnt be cis. you could like... be a girl but a bit to the left and youd be trans.

also, perhaps changing the language you think abt yourself with may help you rule out whats going on? instead of seeing things in a v binary girl things vs boy things way? its hard bc like. gender based society but trying to not see dressing a certain way as being feminine/dressing like a girl and certain pronouns being like. boy/masculine pronouns can really help! if you mean you dont want to bind or you like dresses, then you can do those things in a masc or fem or any way u want - its YOU doing it. if you want those things to be girl things bc it helps, then theyre girl things! if seeing them as boy things helps, then they're boy things!

im sorry if i... didnt really answer your question or help ultimately but i just remember how much wanting definite answers didn't really help me at the time so i dont want to say like. oh youre nonbinary! oh youre genderfluid! oh youre a demigirl! oh youre a he/him girl! being trans is so different for everyone n thats ultimately why you may be struggling to find specific answers.

honestly? id keep doing what youre doing and trying different gender affirming things like you are. something will click as you do and youll come to realizations that, in that space, will help you a lot. perhaps itll be something that changes but it will click eventually.

i literally felt like i was transphobic towards trans men for having he/him in my pronouns for YEARS bc i wasnt Being Male Enough to earn them. but i no longer see myself as needing to be masc to prove i deserve to be called a he. to me, thats as genderless as they/them. shits weird n personal n a bit cringe.

nothings wrong w you for not having things figured out either. you will. i promise.

#also like generally if my art has been helping u i recommend either going thru my trans hc/trans hcs tag #or going backwards thru my art tag bc i very much used my art to figure my gender shit out n it helped immensely #i also encourage anyone who may have something to say to reply or dm bc this is just my perspective as like #someone whos gender REALLY is based off who theyre dating lol. being bisexual is v much a gender for me

[mogai-sunflowers]

Not trying to tell you how to act but I can say as someone who did tell my therapist about my intrusive thoughts about murder, it's really dependent but if a therapist knows their intrusive, your not likely going to get stuck in inpatient for just... That. You have to have a history of suicide attempts with hospitalization or violence for just thoughts to forcibly inpatient you. Inpatient exists for when you're a harm to others or yourself, like a tangible harm, just thinking about it isn't going to get you stuck there.

I'll get a little more personal if it might make you feel better? Make you feel less alone? If not feel free to skip this part.(tw suffocation and implied stabbing mentions. No actual occurrences, these are intrusive) I love my partner(she/he) more than anything in the world, I would kill and die for her. However one night I had horrible horrible Intrusive thoughts about suffocating him while she was sleeping. They were so bad I woke him up sobbing that I couldn't get them to go away and I wanted comfort and I wanted her to know I would never hurt him. She understood. I told my therapist, he explained it as that and that's how I even learned I had intrusive thoughts and that's what they were called. He mentioned how the fact I woke him up showed I didn't want to do it. A second time I had to keep covering a knife rack in my kitchen because every time I saw them, I thought about killing my mom. I told my therapist, on the edge of my seat in fear that I'd get stuck in inpatient and be unable to contact my partner and all the other horror stories people tell about inpatient. He walked me through saying the fact I kept covering shows that this was something I didn't want to do and that my goal in that wasn't to kill my mom, it was to escape.

I know from good and horrible experiences with therapists that it's scary to talk about things that might send you to a grippy socks vacation but the reality is that a lot of it is fear mongering. A a bunch of people sharing horrible experiences + the reality of the mental health condition of our country + a stifling of much more common stories of people who've later said they should of been impatient or are glad they were inpatient because it gave them time to think + most people in inpatient never sharing their stories = everyone scared to tell their therapists things they need to tell their therapist. Unless your opening therapy with a history of violence and a hyper detailed plan to kill someone, your therapist isn't going to inpatient you and unless you wanna let those thoughts keep eating you up inside, I really hope you'll consider voicing them to a professional who can help you. Servers and moots and online communities are great but you won't get a good picture.

It's worrying just how much people think that depression or anxiety or a mild personality disorder and being honest about them will get them banned from adoption or buying a home when none of its true. Yes discrimination exists but you have a HIPPA for a reason, it's illegal to violate it. Two doctors working for the same company with you as a patient can't even tell each other your diagnosises or medications without your written consent. All I'm saying is please don't hold back from your therapist. They are there to help you and the more you stew, the worse they may get and no, unless your actively threatening suicide or admit to harming your family psychically, your therapist won't inpatient you. They have to actually have a good reason and intrusive thoughts don't fit those reasons, they have to litterally prove it in a plea to a judge for it to legally occur.

-clover

legally I understand this all, it’s just difficult because when I was a minor, my mom would threaten to have me institutionalized through my therapist because of my meltdowns and my sh, and even if it wouldn’t have happened it was still scary so I’m still terrified of being honest about those things to therapists because it’s gone badly before. and somehow my mom always finds a way of finding out so I feel like telling that stuff to them will just lead to her digging it out of me anyways. and I’ve had bad therapists before who did bad things, so I’ve just… learned to sanitize my NPD and OCD symptoms around them and my mom. cuz when I got my tism diagnosis, my mom started using it against me financially a lot so I’m scared if I’m too open, it’ll lead to a diagnosis and my mom won’t pay for my college like she’s threatened :/// I’ll get a good therapist after college but for now I feel like I had to hide it now

#reign replies #tw sh #tw self harm #tw knives #tw suicide #tw sui

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: I have observed a thing in me, I'm Infj and sometimes i get really hostile and too questionable and challenging in arguments. Or even to explain an issue i use personal examples and correlations that might not need to be connected but seem logically similar to me. The problem is i don't want to be harsh, hostile i want to be able to gently reason like Jane Goodall as you typed her Infj.

As others get offended and have rebuked me for my tone of arguing. I really hate this in me. My intention is not to hate someone but my way of explaining it; making people realise a different view point comes across really disagreeable. While i try to be balanced now and then but sometimes when i get emotionally involved then i want to have gentle tone in such situations as well.

My intj sibling seems more socially appropriate than me, even though in generalised way Fe users are who take outside objective value judgements. My sibling just shows an expression of shock and disapproval at my way of correlation reasoning, even when i am not harsh, my way of say using someone's personal cause they relate with to explain a cause they don't, seems and sounds harsh to my intj sibling.

I tell myself that it is because i have poor communication skill, need self management but unless I'm angry i am unable to be direct, clear and get interrupted, confused, questioned often. I've a very effacing, gentle tone when calm, but i don't give very articulate and precise points then. I really don't like how i speak, feel guilty and ashamed at the same time. Esp when my sibling gets offended and disapproves of me i feel ashamed of my self and want to change all such things in me. What would you suggest?

-------------------------

Jane Goodall stands confidently in her knowledge and skills. She uses truth rather than anger to change minds. Can you say the same? There are several issues to unpack:

1) Ti loop Problems: Ti loop enables a harsh, critical, and disapproving attitude. Tertiary temptation is labeled as such because it tempts you with a false sense of power that is ultimately self-sabotaging and even self-destructive in extreme cases. Power is addictive to people who feel powerless, victimized, disenfranchised, inadequate, or inferior. While it feels good to use the power of Ti loop in the moment as a means to cover up your negative feelings, in reality, it only poisons your mind and exposes the worst aspects of who you are, hence the guilt and shame. If you don't want to rely on Ti loop to conduct your life, then you have to be willing to i) give up the false sense of power it grants you, ii) confront the deeper psychological problems that fuel your addiction to power, and iii) commit yourself fully to proper Fe development. It's your choice to make.

2) Low Emotional Intelligence: Anger can be a productive emotion, if and only if you know what to do with it. It is sadly the case that most people are just hijacked by anger into revenge or retaliation. Once your mind is emotionally hijacked, you're not being rational, you're not being your best self, and you certainly don't have the presence of mind to work toward positive outcomes with people. Anger is a justifiable response to the harm of injustice, unfairness, inequality, or moral violations. But is attacking people the right way to address these problems? As much as you try to convince yourself otherwise, two wrongs don't make a right. Vengefulness only adds more hurt to the situation, and, worse, vengeful action means that you are perpetuating the cycle of violence and becoming a part of the problem yourself, hence the guilt and shame. A person with good emotional intelligence will not be hijacked by anger but, rather, take the anger as a sign that something is wrong and use the anger as motivation to come up with the right way to address the problem. As long as you remain enamored with the power that anger grants you to dominate and control the people you disapprove of, you put yourself at great risk of losing your moral compass. Another point you might want to consider is that, if you are easily hijacked by emotion, it is also exceedingly easy for others to manipulate your anger and use it for their own nefarious ends.

3) Low Self-Awareness: People who go on "moral crusades" like to believe that they're righting a wrong. However, when you observe the methods they choose and the negative results they get, it becomes obvious that what they're really doing is feeding their own ego dramas. Perhaps they're trying to cover up their own hurt, helplessness, or inadequacy. Perhaps they want to prove something about themselves to the world. Perhaps they want glory, fame, or fortune to satiate their greed. The point is that their moral crusade is really about ego and they don't realize it. Their intentions aren't noble and, unfortunately, their self-deception not only harms themselves but others as well. Someone who truly cares about a moral cause acts out of compassion and will humbly and diligently choose the best methods of advancing the cause. They would use good critical thinking skills to carefully prepare their case, plan out their method of engagement, and learn from their mistakes about what works or doesn't work to get people on board. Their intentions are honorable. Their emotions aren't out of control. They channel hurt into empathy. They channel anger into passion. Do you have the self-awareness to check your intentions before you act upon people?

I have written about these topics before, so do a search.

#infj #ti loop #anger #shame #guilt #emotional intelligence #power #morality #moral compass #moral crusade #intention #ask

[tinyfoxpolice]

15:46 - if you guys are monitoring me with advanced technology that can see the things I do, you will soon learn that the reason I'm made a mockery of in my own family is because of my life skills. The biggest point of contention with Ben as well.

The chicken expired on 26/02/2024. I didn't cook the eggs properly. I'm not sure how long that avocado sat in the fridge and I put olives on this weird sandwich concoction I've made

15:48 - don't look. I'm going to eat it.

15:54 - nevermind. Salmonella popped up in my head when I started the second one

15:59 - what is the end goal with this insta feed curation?

16:00 - the autism one annoys me on a level I can't describe. Being unable to feel like yourself in a room full of people and constantly having to be a chameleon isn't autism. Understanding how social dynamics work well enough to be able to register they're happening, knowing how to speak in conversation, knowing what societal expectations are, the feeling of being overstimulated, the I want this but can't rationalise it because of this but having the cognitive capability to understand and accept.

It's not autism.

16:03 - start a fight with me and sue me, I don't fucking care.

16:03 - Autism is not this idealised concept that everybody keeps yapping about. There are different stages, but most of these things people attribute to autism is actually trauma and we are in an overstimulated world where you need your attention grabbed at every possible moment to feed into consumerism

16:04 - that's not autism because your brain was wired a certain way. Neurodivergent makes my skin crawl. If the vast majority of us all are neurodivergent in some way....then aren't we the neurotypical?

16:05 - we are special

16:06 - which makes us the majority

16:07 - which makes us not special

16:09 - anyways I will go on about this shit

16:10 - look. I'm not a doctor and this is all controversial and everybody fucking hates me because I open my mouth and speak, but that's alright. I'm used to being burnt alive

16:10 - Autism. The hottest thing on everybodys lips and anyone who takes the test always meets the requirements to the point I think it's the new mental health trend to explain why the controversial methods of raising children through neglect from the 50s-90s is not the recommended way.

16:12 - because it fucks them up.

16:12 - that's not autism. That's trauma.

16:12 - I worked with one client who actually met the actual criteria for autism. He could no control his stimming, he could understand when he wasn't welcome in conversation but truly couldn't communicate, he would isolate himself, he would throw aggressive fits of rage when upset and couldn't self regulate, he literally could not control himself

16:13 - he was a very beautiful boy but he sexualised everything which meant I did not pick up shifts with him. He was over six feet tall

16:14 - that's fucking autism. That brain was built different and it truly is different

16:14 - a person who is unable to self regulate who is prone to violence and physical aggression who is unable to be calmed down in the moment is a huge risk

16:15 - if you're the coppers you know who I'm talking about. I am sick to death of having to hear about her autism spectrum. I am sick to death of it. She does not have autism. You can not go throughout your lifetime having that sort of social capabilities, easily picking up work, trying new things, being different and essentially existing in a very typical teenage girl world....and be autistic.

16:17 - that's like saying I'm autistic. No I'm fucking not. I just am tired of having to do social norms, know my place in the hierarchy and choose to stay there because I don't want to disrupt shit

16:17 - the fact I can even identify the exact social cues and structure completely pulls me from the autism diagnosis spectrum. Which is why she also is pulled from it too.

16:18 - you are a part of it, you don't like it, you don't fit in, you don't want to pretend and yet you surround yourself with people who don't share your political views. That's not fucking autism

16:19 - that's called:

You don't like your friend group because they treat people like shit and you're the odd one out

16:19 - Make the change to find other people or stop associating with the people who make you feel this way. It's not autism.

16:20 - NL in my last house, apparently autism level 3

16:20 - incredible how a woman left to her own devices with autism level 3 could complete tasks without any prompting on days she felt like it

16:21 - incredible that she can communicate and tell you exactly what she's feeling by bringing up past traumas to indicate her current state

16:21 - incredible she's able to access the community so frequently, regularly and even made fucking dog biscuits to sell

16:22 - absolutely astonishing results for an autism level 3. Why aren't they writing research articles about this person and her amazing capabilities?

16:22 - this is unheard of in this world, this should be all over the news

16:23 - yep. But it's not. It's a fad trend designed to prescribe medication to control behaviours people aren't fond of, don't care to actually work with and keep her locked in the intellectual disability category to snipe her funding

16:23 - My little sister? Autistic?

16:24 - At no point in her childhood development up until age 13 did she exhibit any signs of autism

16:24 - so an entire childhood of normality and then suddenly she's autistic?

16:25 - Is she just? Or is that a great excuse to put her on medication because she's not being compliant enough, good enough, achieving results that my dad and Abbie expect of their children and rather accept her as is they will dig and dig and dig to find the reason for her lack of motivation, depression tendencies and why she feels she can't relate to anybody

16:26 - do you think the trauma of ripping her sister away from her could have had something to do with this?

16:26 - what do the people with the medical degrees think?

16:27 - A child who was social, able to emotionally regulate, could understand prompts, cues, could perform tasks autonomously, could plan for future events, could do everything all normal children can do....is that characteristic of autism?

16:28 - and then suddenly the shoe flips and we have a complete uno reverse with that same child. Want to know what Abbie told those three kids when Tia moved to Tasmania?

16:28 - that Tia didn't want to see them anymore. We busted it open on her 13th birthday at my house when we were all on messenger video talking

16:29 - it's why I went back to say goodbye and was screaming at Abbie to go fuck herself so they knew it wasn't my choice and I was leaving them willingly

16:30 - we took pictures of it. We all watched the 1989 Taylor Swift concert in Sydney where she bangs the pole repeatedly and says

SYDNEY

16:30 - So my sister has autism? Or is she just a little bit too smart for everybody's liking?

16:31 - but not the good kind of way. The one that digs and pries and tries to find the answer kind of way

16:31 - last time I saw her at Kmart she told me she was having hearing issues and they were thinking hearing aids and asked me if they found a reason for my hearing loss.

You can't say trauma because she still lives with those people.

16:32 - So they get their emotional abuse, fake doctors orders, some form of chemical restraint to dumb them down and make them happy so they stop trying to dig into a black hole of a background and that's our family :)

16:33 - the worst part about all of this is that this is how every family is

16:34 - because recessions make people do fucked up shit for money

16:34 - can't change the world until you change the political systems running them

16:34 - this isn't a single case, this is a systemic issue, I'm just one of the rarities to come out the other side only half fucked up and mostly duct taped together

16:35 - the only one who didn't turn to intravenous drug use to cope with it

16:36 - autism is the coded word for major depression and not fitting in with friends who lean to the right while you lean to the left.

[awkwardgoddesss]

It's struggle like work hard and burn out instead of see results. It's struggle like finding it difficult to get things done. It's struggle like being unable to do the simplest of tasks cuz I get distracted by stuff, it's struggle like feeling overwhelmed and getting burnt out and mentally exhausted when I force myself to do something I don't like. It's struggle like processing information or remembering important things that could easily fuck me over if I'm careless. People say make a note, keep a reminder, but who is going to remind me to check my reminder? Who is going to remind me to shut off that constant noise in my brain that makes having a single line of thought so difficult and a straight line of communication without side tracking to be able to finish a task start to finish? It struggle to get a job and the struggle to keep myself interested in a job long enough to sustain in a world that's simply not built for someone like me.

It's the struggle to hold it together and stay afloat because getting medication for this is not easy where I live, especially when I can barely explain to the psychiatrist what my symptoms are and why I think medication might help although I know deep down why I think it might help me. I mean have you met a person with ADHD who doesn't forget or blank out when they're put on the spot?????

It's not always the quirky personality and the hyper, jumpy personality. It's the weight of letting everyone down. It's the weight of letting myself down and not being able to give myself credit for the stuff I have accomplished, nothing feels nearly enough. It's the imposter syndrome, it's the paralysis where I can't get anything done it's the doom scrolling because I'm too overwhelmed but unable to move, it's the horrible horrible person I turn into when I can't regulate my emotions and the hate I have towards myself after. It's the accountability I hold against myself even when what I really need is a safe space to break down and cry and have someone telling me, "it's okay, I know you're trying ".

It's the inability to look at myself in the mirror for days cuz showering is such a task and going to sleep is so difficult that I'm pretty sure my face is gotten uglier. Who's gonna want to look at my face anyway? (It's the need to dump all this and more on Tumblr where I don't have any followers because I need to get this off my chest but I can feel my friends and family getting sick of me talking a lot about my diagnosis so this way I don't affect anyone else)

#thoughts #adhd problems #neurodivergent #actually adhd #adhd diagnosis #adhd struggles #rsd

[amothmanslife]

I know there's a lot of fear right now

Please, keep on living and being here.

Being someone who is a conversion therapy camp survivor who was put in a camp as a teen, dealing with inhumane torture in this country. I know how scary things are right now.

People will always try to hurt what they don't understand and never want to understand and the worst is you can't try to explain yourself to those who are dedicated to misunderstanding and demonizing you.

There is a lot of push back right now, a lot of states are taking precautionary measures where they are putting in laws to protect people in case they try to go in the direction I'm afraid they are, to make it that folks can't just grab people out of home like they did during internment camps, ICE camps, and the camps that are still around I survived.

This is why I'm not on social media much though for my own mental health, the helplessness is staggering and the fear. Like my agoraphobia is very bad, and horrible.

Like, I can't tell you how many times I've laid in bed unable to feel my arms and legs, terrified all my friends will die on me or be put in camps again. It's a legitimate fear of mine and when you feel helpless like you can't do anything especially while disabled, and barely able to function due to mental health and more.

Hold onto anything good, especially when stifling spirals happen. As long as you keep living, you keep breathing, you are still here in spite of it all- it means that positive change can happen in a good direction. Not saying you have to fight- trust me, coming from someone who all he did was fight all the time and rally. I know what it's like being burnt out, exhausted, and in poverty. It makes it impossible to even take care of yourself. You're not useless, shit is hard currently.

You are one person who is allowed to feel these emotions, to feel valid in this fear. Be sure not to let it consume and eat you whole where you won't be able to appreciate the good folks you have, and be able to spend time with, and hold onto those you love.

When everyone I had passed away, or were taken, my main regret was not spending time with them as much as I had hoped- I focused so much on my work I forgot to sit and appreciate the little things.

Love them, hold them, hold onto those little things even if they seem mundane. I know it's silly, I know it's weird or obnoxious. I miss sitting together in the park talking about life, their laughs they had when we would crack jokes. The long times we'd stargaze, or moments we would share grocery shopping together. I miss cooking together in our kitchens, or showing up at 3AM with a fresh baked box of cookies just because. I miss the small community I had, but it doesn't mean I can't make another in the future.

This fear is legitimate, never forget that if you keep thriving and holding on they can never take that from you. I've literally watched so many die and break from horrible cruelty.

please, keep persisting, please continue to have the will of a cockaroach being beaten with a rolled up newspaper and it refuses to die. I promise, I feel in every part of my being as long as one of us still is here, we can make this place better even if it's small. Coming from someone who has literally, and actually lost everything. I really feel in my heart things can get better.