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onlyjaeyun · 13 days

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i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

#; mailbox 📬#; cold hearts

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arson-09 · 3 months

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Acowar Review✨✨ sjm needs to pay for my therapy✨✨

Its not as infuriating as acomaf but its still… bad.

Point 1: the court of ignorance and dumbassery

Lets cut to the chase. why the FUCK didnt feyre read Tamlin and Luciens minds at ANYPOINT while she was doin her hot girl shit of taking the spring court down??? huh sjm??? why is your fmc only powerful when convenient. So much could have been cut down. Acowar was way too long.

The whole destroying of the spring court didnt even make that much sense. Im all for a girlie getting back at the people who wronged her but feyre ended up hurting a lot of innocent people in the process. Feyre even tries to ignore the consequences of her actions. She had to invade peoples minds and manipulate people to get them to turn against tamlin and all this could have been avoided if she read his damn mind and learned he was a double agent. Lucien even hinted towards it

Part One: Princess of Carrion »

Chapter Six

None. It was either go to war with the Night Court and Hybern, or ally with Hybern, let them try to stir up trouble, and then use that alliance to our own advantage further down the road." "What do you mean," I breathed. But Lucien realized what he'd said, and hedged, "We have enemies in every court. Having Hybern's alliance will make them think twice." Liar. Trained, clever liar.

If feyre is supposed to be so smart, and she did pick up on this, why didnt she do anything? This is so frustrating.

Then once she leaves the spring court i found myself frankly not caring. Acomaf hadnt given me enough to care about the inner circle so i didnt and sjm cant make me like rhysand. which i have so many gripes but for word counts sake let me name my main ones

Point 2: Sarah Janet Maas and her shitty love interests

the ignoring rhysand sexual assault of feyre and EXCUSING it and his little habit of not telling his court things

Part Two: Cursebreaker »

Chapter Twelve

Was it going on before you even left?" I whipped my head to him, even if I could barely make out his features in the dark. "I never touched Rhysand like that until months later." "You kissed Under the Mountain." "I had as little choice in that as I did in the dancing." "And yet this is the male you now love." He didn't know-he had no inkling of the personal history, the secrets, that had opened my heart to the High Lord of the Night Court. They were not my stories to tell

here we have sjm acknowledging that yeah, rhysand Sexually Assaulted Feyre UtM in Acotar. Without her consent he dressed her inappropriately (which she was uncomfortable with) had her dance provocatively in his lap, kissed her, and made her drink alcohol so she wouldn't remember the details all without her consent. Yet Sjm is going “its fine” now and feyre herself going “you just dont get it…” ⁉️⁉️⁉️

Now see if sjm actually planned for rhysand to become the love interest why didnt she just avoid all this by having Amarantha make rhysand do this to feyre? Because that would have solved some issues but no. Because Rhysand did all this of his own free will in acotar. He actively chose to do this to feyre. To humiliate her and anger Tamlin because rhysand is obsessed with Tamlin.

Rhysand also loves to not tell his own court things. I was and still am very angry over him not telling Mor, Azriel, Cassien and at the very least his Wife about his plan with the court of nightmares. Just why.

Mors anger towards Nesta also makes no sense. sjm stop writing girl on girl hate challenge impossible

Point three: That one toy story scene “I dont wanna play with you anymore!”

Now tamlin. Tamlin tamlin tamlin im so sorry love for what sjm has done to you. If i start ill never stop. What Tamlin said to feyre and rhysand at the high lords meeting was out of pocket but he also wasnt wrong about some things. Also from established character these actions make no sense and his actions havent made sense since acomaf because sjm threw him and his character away to play with shadow daddy and bad morals. But she also cant commit to making a character of hers actually evil so tamlin saves the whole day by bringing the autumn court to fight and saving rhysand life. Tamlin has redeemed himself by sjm standards but she then wrote the holiday novel which i have read and detested.

Overall the plot was fine. i guess. it probably looked better when compared to the characters.

Sjm learn to redeem characters outside of “ooh they were abused and have trauma so everything they do is okay” for guys and “she fell in love/had sex with the most PERFECT MALE TO EVER MASCULINE.” its boring and flat. Also i know what happens in Acosf (i will not be reading that ty) so wtf happened to Nesta bro. she got the tamlin treatment. boooo 👎

to end off heres some of my favorite highlights from acowar 50%+ thru the book.

#a court of wings and ruin #anti acowar #anti sjm #sjm critical #anti rhysand #anti feysand #tamlin #pro tamlin #This book was bullshit

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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

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hi! quick tip: if you’re on mobile type ‘:readmore:’ then hit enter! i dunno if you’ve been told but. yeah :)

also, your recent piece on apd was incredible!! very nice to see representation!! keep up the excellent work <3 it did get me thinking though: reader with vocal stims, cementing it in the acolytes’ minds that you don’t speak the language of teyvat, and then you’re all just stuck in this loop of “oh man they don’t speak the same language of me” but they DO

if asks are closed or this is outside of your comfort zone then feel free to delete! have a lovely day <3

AHFJLAKLOSUDBABWB U FELT REPRESENTED YAY!!

A cookie for thee, and also extra for telling me how to do Expand thingy on mobile ilysm 🤲🍩🍪✨️ (pspspsps all askers,, u get cookies,,cometothedarksidepspspspspsss)

I was so worried bc it wasnt like super all the aspects of Apd issues, and it was very based on my personal experience w/ similar symptoms + other bits of ppl's experience so i was hoping it still felt somewhat recognizable for ppl w/APD!! Tysm for the feedback :D

NOTE ABOUT VOCAL STIM DEPICTED:

So i think ive experienced verbal stims, so this is a combination of others shared experiences + personal experience, and while everybody experiences things individually/their own way, please let me know if there is something obviously inaccurate/maybe even offensive.

You will definitely not make me mad or otherwise offended, I really want to hear that kind of feedback from others who vocal stim!

Thank you so much for reading! :)

___________________♡_____________________

So lets just say that ur vocal stims r pretty non-verbal or non-sensical ("her sister was a WITCH BRO-" like memes that dont make sense to them)

Or like, u have verbal stims that r actual language but they dont hang around long enough to hear it maybe ??

♤

So like, this ends up happening

Chongyun was exploring near Qingce village for supernatural stuff as usual

And U were just vibin, chillin near Qingce village livin ur best Creator god cottagecore life

And ur like planting a new seedbed, Jueyun Chilis :) (bc jfc however bad it was to collect them in game, its 10x worse in person, ur tired of running around town getting chilis, Qingce isnt exactly flat 💀)

♡

And every seed u put in the dirt ur like "boop!"

And Chongyun comes by, bc u at edge of town, and the villagers mentioned a strange new traveler settling here

He immediately feels a wave of that same feeling he used to feel when the Creator god had their eyes on him, or would assist him in battles

So poor boy almost overheats trying to climb up the hill to ur house

And is like "??...Creator??"

Then kinda stops bc ur just like-

"Boop!" "Boop!" "Boop!" ☺️ LMAO

And then u finish planting seeds, get the watering can,,

And everytime u pour it just-

... "EJACK! Come, water!"

(Ur saying it so fast too, and he's still somewhat farther away, so he cant rlly hear that well too)

...

And its just so incomprehensible to Chongyun he's deadass like "A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE??!"

So of course,

He waves, 👋

And ur like omg icy boy!! :D 🧊💙

But u dont say anything yet, and then he starts,, miming?? He points at u? Then like?? Points up? The sky?? Then like, mimes swinging his claymore???

(ARE U THE CREATOR??!!)

U look up, very confused 🧐

He seemes frustrated.

Then he just kinda, bows and leaves?

...

...oh no.

Do Teyvat people speak that crazy language that u saw in game?

Instead of English??

Well.

Shit.

...

.... U havent rlly talked to anyone in Qingce yet since u just got here in Teyvat like a week ago

And found this abandoned house

♧

It just gets worse 😭

Bc slowly, one by one,

Each playable character in Liyue comes to attempt to talk to you

(And since u have a farm, and they keep giving u food/goods? For some reason?? U still dont need to go into town)

☆

At one point, even Zhongli shows up

And thru complex miming and hand motions u think he means dont worry abt him? Like just go back to what u were doing?? Okay??

U guess he's just gonna chill here for now?

...

...Zhongli just kinda,, squints, and puts his hand on his chin in his classic "thinking very hard" face

So ur tending to the garden saying,

" FREDDY! You're supposed to be on lockdown!Vanessa...I'm... a Material Gworl✨️"💀

...Just, on an endless loop LMAO-

...

(Hes trying to see if he recognizes any part of ur language, poor old man 🤔🤔😭)

♤

And it just snowballs even more, and now,

None of you have even tried to say a word to each other. 🤡

(Other than ur vocal stims)

...

Keqing: "Perhaps, it's similar to Fontaine's native language?"

You, in the background: "🎵 dUdE,,, sHe'S jUsT nOt InTo YoU 🎵" (mimicking the autotune and everything)

Ganyu & Keqing: "..."

You: " 🎵 gOtTa MoVe On, mOvE oN-🎵 Hurricane Katrina?? More like Hurricane Tortilla!"

Ganyu & Keqing: "...Can't be,"

"what else do we got? Should we call Yunjin to better mime for us??"

♡

Xiao's the first one to even get close to knowing u can actually talk to each other, bc he's always checking in on u most often <3

And he only heard u bc u swore u heard a monster outside ur house one night and came out ur house with a pitchfork, very nervous,

"...Hey there demons.. it's me.. ya boy."

(And u just keep stimming that out of nervousness to make urself feel better as u check around ur house lol)

Xiao: "??? Demons???!! WAIT-"

♧

By then, it literally took like 6 months for yall to finally have a real conversation 💀💀

...

(Chongyun got so embarassed bc he was one of the first few to misunderstand he overheated rip🙏)

Im. So. Sorry. This. Is. ✨️Ass✨️

Twas the best scenario i could come up with, im telling yall, im not as funny as the ppl who send in these asks 😔

Keep in mind, I never claimed i was funny or a good writer, u cant hold it against me lol /lh

Lower ur expectations LMAO

Well i hope u got sm enjoyment outta this anon, sorry abt the quality!! :)

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

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zzleeper · 1 month

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PRIORITIES : chapter one

Red Hood x Black Mask's assistant!Reader

tiny bit of a slow burn btw

authors note: this is based on the under the red hood movie since i havent read the comics yet. first time ever posting fic on tumblr too!! also go check out my beta @lowtaperfeyd RN.

wc: 1121

“He calls himself the Red–the Red Hood,” The goon talking to Black Mask rasps. When they first wheeled him into the office, he didn’t seem so hot, and that's not counting the practically full-body cast he was in. But now, watching him recount the way his ass was brutally whooped, it’s a whole new low.

Black Mask sighs in unison with you. You should probably stop spending so much time with this man, or the next thing you’re going to pick up from him is his anger issues, “So you’re saying,” Black Mask begins, and you can feel his oncoming temper tantrum in your bones, “That this fucking nobody is the reason sales have dropped fucking ASTRONOMICALLY SINCE MONDAY!”

“Well, sir,” You interrupt calmly, tapping away at your tablet, “He is the reason drug sales have stopped, but it’s really because he recruited many dealers to work under him, especially those who were working under you first.”

Black Mask stands up from his desk, and you can see each of the men standing in his office tense at the same time, “HE NEEDS TO BE FUCKING GONE!” He yells, punctuating his words by striding over and smacking a punch into the face of the nearest goon. The man groans and staggers out of the office, most likely to take himself to the hospital.

“Yes, I understand that, sir, but he can most likely beat all of our men,” You explain, evening Black Mask with a steady gaze, “Probably all at the same time.”

Black Mask huffs and waves away the man reporting to him, and he’s wheeled out of the room.

“Put a hit on him,” Black Mask instructs you, waving you off as well, and he dumps himself back in his desk chair to brood.

You smooth out your pants and nod before turning and walking back to your office. Communicating with the underbelly of Gotham was hard enough, but finding a good enough assassin to beat Red Hood? That might be your biggest challenge yet. You resign yourself to several days of conversation with bigheaded crime lords.

You sigh as you take the stairs up to your apartment, keys rattling as you dig them out of your pocket. Today had been a long day, and you’re looking forward to flopping into bed as soon as possible. You fiddle with your keys and the lock for a moment until the door swings open with a creak. Dropping your briefcase at the door, you then fold your coat over the couch. Burgers actually sound pretty good tonight.

There’s a creak behind you.

You calmly make your way over to the kitchen, rolling open one of the drawers and–

“Your gun’s gone,” A voice says behind you and you whip around, glaring at the direction the voice had come from.

“What do you want?” You snap, bracing yourself for a fight you will probably lose. You’re an assistant of the most dangerous crime lord in Gotham, you have people to win fights for you. The voice sounds masculine, too, which means, most likely, a stronger opponent.

There’s a slight huff, and a man steps out from the shadows, his face is still obscured, but looking at his body you are so going to lose, “I want your help,” He says. What the fuck does that mean?

Who is this guy? You’re not easily recognizable as the Black Mask’s assistant, so this person must have done some research. He’s obviously here about the Black Mask, because there’s not much else important about you other than your job, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think there’s much I can help you with.”

“You’re very calm, aren’t you?” There’s humor in his voice when he speaks, “I don’t know what else I expected from Black Mask’s secretary, to be honest.” You narrow your eyes at the comment. You’ve relaxed slightly, leaning your hip against the counter. Maybe if you could find a way to get to your front door before he could get to you, you would be able to get out.

“The point being?” You cut to the chase, exhaling sharply out of your nose. This will most likely end up with you being tortured if this is a man trying to get information about the Black Mask. You’ll fold easily, your loyalty to the crime lord is stretched thin.

This is the Red Hood, you realize with a start. Who else would want to take down Black Mask like this other than a man trying to challenge his rule? Putting up a fight would be useless. Looking at the men he’s killed, he’s obviously very skilled, and he carries guns with him as well. At least he won’t beat you to death, since most of his other kills are from gunshot wounds. He’s typically efficient with who he kills. Your death will be clean and simple.

Red Hood rests his hands on his hips, unaware of your sudden revelation, “I want information. I won’t torture it out of you unless I have to,” It’s a threat, and he says it like one, his voice predatory. It scares you in a way you’ve never been before.

“I’ll come work for you,” You say rather quickly, offering the best deal that might get you out of this alive. “I have more data about the Black Mask than anyone else. You can take him down from the inside; he won’t know what hit him,” Despite how desperate the words sound, your voice is even, and you look him up and down before crossing your arms.

There’s a slight pause.

“You don’t even know who I am,” Red Hood states skeptically. You can feel his gaze sharpen even behind the mask you know he’s wearing.

“I’m not dumb,” You snap, leaning forward slightly, “You’re the Red Hood.”

There’s another pause.

“Well, that was fast. You’re smarter than I thought, (Y/N) (L/N).”

There’s no way to hide the slight flinch at his use of your real name. It feels grounding in a way your adrenaline isn’t, “Maybe you just underestimated me, Red Hood.”

He hums noncommittally, “Nice place you got here,” He says, suggesting a conversation. His demeanor has changed completely since you agreed–more like demanded–to work for him. You just stare at him, unimpressed, “I see you don’t talk much,” He sighs, pulling a flip phone out of one of his pockets and tossing it to you, “I’ll call you on this when I need to talk to you. Be ready. And remember, you tell anyone about this, you're dead and they are too."

He leaves as fast as he appeared, striding through your front door like he owns the fucking place, leaving your heart pounding against your ribcage as the door slams behind him.

#jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd x female reader

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azumasoroshi · 1 year

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minidura chapter 4 react

simon i SWEAR ill get you out of there and that horrendous art style

also though. TEENAGE SHIZAYA CHAPTER LETS GO???? idk if narita made the minidura or if it's a separate illustrator but they are giving the FOOD rn

i was wondering where the official knowledge that simon forced izaya and shizuo to eat sushi together came from. i mean i guess this isnt official and it was probably stated in the anime somewhere but still, good to see it illustrated pff

AAAAAAAAA ive seen this image around tumblr but i didnt realize it was from minidura 😭 i thought it was fanart or smth (<-dumbass)

wait im actually going crazy over this akwjhkjdshs they're washing dishes together!!! now we just need them to do laundry and taxes and-

im going to go over the image limit this time on god

wow cant believe they're bathing each other too (<-delusional)

something about the first shizuo panel reminds me of aggretsuko. which is. actually. huh. arent they both like adults with anger issues. durarara aggretsuko au when

also deadass i forgot dennis existed until i read about him in a shizaya fanfiction and i was like "who's dennis" pfgfkhkd

so true though never throw kitchen knives kids

LMFAO HE JUST GAVE THEM MORE WORK INSTEAD OF RESPONDING

they're gonna be here all day at this rate. actually shizaya as fast food/restaurant staff au when because they'd have the stupidest rivalry known to man and i need it

fucking imagine shinra walks in and sees shizuo and izaya working by the counter

i hope izaya gets to eat fatty tuna by the end of this though. god knows he's gonna look cute as hell

made funnier by the fact that izaya at least definitely knows how to cook with how long he's been on his own and needed to feed his sisters

damn ive actually never seen someone's vein burst in a way where blood sprays out in anime akshGKJHJKSD thats impressive actually

dont look now but this may or may not inspire me to make a mermaid/pirate au (<-obsessed)

who needs kaiju battles when you can have blue fin tuna vs crab

they're literally never leaving this place bro they're gonna be stuck here for eternity. anyway here's a literary analysis of durarara pointing out why russia sushi is actually representative of dante's inferno /j

i want to read those blurbs so baddddd screams sobs bangs table

rip dennis dude he doesnt get paid enough to deal with shizaya

rippp time to listen to izaya pine hopelessly for the man he cant stop annoying for five seconds

simon had the right idea. too bad shizaya are shizaya

what is that face izaya. i cant tell if he's irritated that simon's right or irritated that simon cant understand how instinctual their hatred is or amused that simon thinks he and shizuo could be friends or amused because he thinks meaningless fighting is hilarious

oh......that kind of hurts actually

i can imagine izaya suggesting it as a joke and then lying in bed that night thinking about how it's never going to happen and it really sounds like a funny joke huh? (he is not crying)

i cant believe simon's been dealing with these bitches for like 7 years now like dude has the patience of a saint

😭give him his 50,000 yen simon

we can see that the crack in the sign is actually fixed now too ahhh time really flies when you're stuck in a relationship of mutual hatred

chibizaya is so cuteeeeeeeee

im sure he intended to paint himself that way in his recollection though pff

THATS RIGHT SHIZAYA BE THE PORCUPINES. SNUGGLE. DO IT

step aside erika, simon is the face of the shizaya nation now. especially with that "you just have a shizuo complex dont you" quote that i found the other day which i still havent recovered from

HAUDGHUSDH orihara izaya, pro unreliable narrator

hilarious how we never see tom's face. just his dreads lmfao

dennis and simon are so done with like izaya bro i think they can tell at this point that he's horrifically pining and has no healthy outlet for it. the bills go to him because they're bullying him

it'd be funny if they billed him 50,000 at the end actually pft

I KNEW WE'D GET THEM EATING TOGETHER!!! I HAD FAITH

they're so cute oh my god can i make that my header or something

10/10 chapter im going to punt izaya into a wall and get simon flowers

#shizaya #izaya orihara #shizuo heiwajima #simon brezhnev #i dont think dennis has a tag pff #durarara #long post

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mcl38 · 29 days

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they haven't quite turned on vcarb the way they did mclaren but from what i've read that seems to be bc daniel keeps saying "it's not the same problem as mclaren" when like idk dude if the only time you've finished a race ahead of yuki was bc you got put on softs at the end of the race it is smelling very shades of mexico '22 to me. just without the having to make up a time penalty bc u punted yuki off the track.

i can say yuki is already getting the lando treatment though. "hOW MANY RACES HAS HE WON AND YOU DARE SAY HES PERFORMING BETTER THAN AN 8 TIME GP WINNER?" (ya i'll go to the top floor of my apartment and shout it into the void through a megaphone too what are you going to do about it) only this time there's a heavy dose of racism added in. the amount of people i have seen calling yuki a "pokémon" derogatorily and refusing to admit the racist connotations there are wild. not to mention the ableist terms i've seen be used to refer to his height. it's all very gross and yet again daniel says nothing to even try to prevent it. it's wild how someone always has to get harassed by his fans regardless of if he fails or succeeds.

ok so like first of all yikes. i rly rate yuki but im v selective w my online (especially my tumblr)

experience so i rly almost never venture out of my mclaren-centred bubble, which means i never rly see what ppl say abt him. 'pokemon' is actually vile like thats so clearly racist bc its not even a pun of his name at all or any sort of reference to his personality?? AND the fact that its a cartoon w the infantilising implications of that... ku's essay on the infantilisation of east asian drivers u will always be famous.... like u guys ever noticed how nyck is also rly short and has a youthful face and nobody ever talked abt him in the way they talk abt yuki? much to think abt

now. permission to be mean here but even if its 'not the same problem as mclaren' is the problem not STILL the fact that daniel in his 10+ year career hasnt bothered to understand the way the engineering of f1 cars works in like any material way and thats the reason he always struggles to identify his driving issues / has a disconnect with his chassis unless its tailored exactly to what he already likes and knows how to drive? i saw that bit from newey's book about how max and checo give rly good feedback and so did webber and vettel and it was kind of subtly implying that during the bit in between (the daniel era) he designed less effective cars be he wasnt getting enough precise feedback.... i genuinely havent been able to sleep at night since. like it felt like smth slotted in my head like aaaah this has been the problem all along. if only daniel wasnt so busy going on podcasts making fun of the idea of women in motorsport and actually spent some time to do some way overdue physics homework... lol. Imao even

the truth of the situation is yuki is in the best form of his career and also wiping the floor w daniel. like factually so. EVEN with team orders favouring daniel so his fans cant say its bc of that like they did with mclaren. i genuinely think its quite sad the amount of personal stock daniel fans have clearly invested in this mans career and how much it bothers them when he doesnt perform to their expectations - like he's ur driver, swallow it and accept it, because thats what he's been doing to try to move on. doing all this intense online hate bullshit only makes him look bad bc it highlights how badly and for how long he rly has been embarrassingly underperforming. but by this point it feels like they WANT him to underperform bc they crave that martyr underdog victimised figure to root for and fight for - which is why ur totally right anon, that someone always inevitably gets harrassed regardless of if daniel is failing or succeeding.

i will say one thing which is that i rly dont think daniel is at all aware of whatever the fuck his fans do on twitter and instagram (and deffo not tumblr lmao). so i dont think this is an issue of like him telling his fans to chill out - and it doesnt work anyways, bc lando literally has made talking abt how much cyberbullying sucks a part of his personality and theres still some rly mean and hateful lando fans (not in a fun way like me<3 lol) (i hate on my own blog and in discord groupchats). so like thats not necessarily on him, its more on netflix for making him the lowest common denominator guy to like, ykwim? also the unfortunate reality is that despite the tshirts and the kneeling (or no kneeling) no one rly seems to stand up to defend the drivers of colour who literally constantly get SUCH vitriol thrown towards them w any occasion. im not expecting daniel of all ppl to say anything abt it ngl

#i still think we just have to wait another couple months and we'll start seeing the vcarb is mistreating daniel discourse #ive been on f1blr long enough to see the patterns #anon #ask #daniel #meta #yuki

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aresianrepose · 1 month

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You hurt me. Is a full sentence. No justification. No explanation. No screaming about how bad it hurt or how fucked I was after to get you to understand. Just. You hurt me.

You hurt me.

I never wanted to be. A mod. It was supposed to be a group chat. I just happened to be the one that made it. It hurts to be told I'm mad with power that I didn't even want, that I don't even actually have. Everyone was fine while problem causers ran rampant and just expected the mods to take care of it. As if... we somehow signed up for that? I didn't sign up for that. That's not what this was supposed to be. This was supposed to be a group chat of friends, of community that spoke up, spoke out, and self-managed. Through like, idk, actually talking to each other when shit went bad.

I poured myself out for nearly a year. I should have left sooner than I did. Should have left when I was accused behind my back of psychologically manipulating people or being an actual rapist. Or maybe when I got into an argument about weighing the ability to go to concerts without a mask versus immunocompromised people's lives (as an immunocompromised person) which. Was never resolved.

But everyone was just fine when I called someone out for being shitty... as long as it wasn't someone they liked. Never was too good about taking sides like that. Everyone was just fine coming and getting us to do the conflict for them, never doing the work to keep the community flourishing and problem free themselves.

Idk. It hurts. You hurt me.

I opened up about the struggles that I had been facing as a mod. And the reaction was to tell me I should keep my mouth shut and mod better. I'm staining the carpet with all this blood.

"What always stood out to me when I joined is that you thanked me for treating you like a person"

I wasn't vaguing. I sent a message confronting someone about allegations, which has been litigated. And when the response was to ignore that pain and then when corrected, to say what the fuck... by the same person who the mod team had repeated issues with. Good faith is not the same as blind faith. I just had enough and sent a message to the community channel that I had written a couple of nights prior while I crying and overwhelmed. Like I cannot express enough how much that message was a genuine cry for help written while I was like barely holding on.

It's not pretty. It's not perfect. But all of it was genuine. No hidden meaning or agenda. Just. Please stop. Please stop. I can't do this anymore. Here is what I've been carrying. Please stop.

And that message was met with, you're vaguing. You should have just taken it. You should have been professional, as if I signed up for that. (No one should have to worry about professionalism when shit like that happens to them). Be a good victim. Swallow this logical and objective talk over your pain (as if we havent spent hours decrying that same approach in other contexts). Take accountability.

For what? For bleeding? For saying a bad word? For telling someone to be quiet because I need the space? Am I allowed that space? Do the buttons I click on my phone to take me to the appropriate channel make that pain any less important? Am I a person?

I keep thinking about why this has caused... a lot of trauma issues for me, when I have actually died and have that shit on lock. This is so small in comparison. But I. Am hurting so much.

Is this vaguing? I honestly don't know.

Because my intention is not to put anyone on blast or talk shit. It is just to say. I'm hurting. You hurt me. On the blog I've had since I was 16 years old. In my own space that is mine. So that maybe I can use this app without having panic attacks.

All I know is that I spent a year in a role I didn't ask for, that I never wanted, took care of that space, things slowly escalated to me actually having to be a mod in a capacity that I didn't actually sign up for (I was just supposed to create channels and roles), and not a single. Person. Outside of my family. Not a single one. Messaged me when all this shit happened.

You don't have to be cursing or yelling at someone to hurt them. Just because you are speaking calmly and "rationally" does not mean you are listening or approaching anything in good faith. Doesn't mean you're actually resolving anything. Just because the flavor is palatable to the audience does not mean you're not doing harm. Just. Stepping on my throat with how I should have done better while I am bleeding out already.

#i needed to get this out and write it down #so i can breathe on my own blog #this is not anything but me just trying to fucking process this in a way that is good and healthy for me personally #i just want to be able to touch jason again without getting triggered to the point of SH #the idea of someone reading this and picking it apart and opening myself up for more ridicule is a lot #but i can't. do this anymore. i have to get it out. i have to.#incapable of not being emotional

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toonfinch · 2 months

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this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

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taki118 · 6 months

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SuyaLight Master Post Part 15

I really like these two there’s not a lot of content for the fandom as a whole soooo here’s my submission as I get every moment of these two royals who literally share a braincell (and I love them for it) First up this is just on the manga if you are anime only its going to have stuff you havent seen, yes even with what the anime covers (so read it) and there will be spoilers so beware. If you prefer Demon Monk/Cleric/Leo (which I don’t really get) I am sorry this isnt for you. Lets go! Part 1 is here Part 2 is here Part 3 is here Part 4 is here Part 5 is here Part 6 is here Part 7 is here Part 8 is here Part 8.5 is here Part 9 is here Part 10 is here Part 11 is here Part 12 is here Part 13 is here Part 14 is here

Because he overused his second form Twilight is now in a childs body and two people are very interested in this

WHich Twlight is aware of.

He assumes his dad is disappointed in him, really he just wants to catch up on time lost, and that Suya has some sort of cruel plan, really she just wants to see two cute kids play.

So Twilight keeps running from the pair

So this just keeps happening

In the end Suya gets what she wanted.

A demon teddy has gone missing and is freaking out as she does, and Twilight does see her point.

In the end Twilight finds and returns with the Teddy and this is so cute

Suya joins Twilight in brushing Red.

A Princess Suya body pillow was illegally released and because it's got her on it she wants it but Twilight fears the reversed side will have a lewd image and doesnt want her or anyone else seeing it even though he's curious. It ends up being nothing but....

We continue the Suya has weird tastes arc.

Basically the people who made the Suya pillow made illegal merch for Twilight and Leo and she took it. I don't think she fully understands the implications behind the pillows. (But she does seem to have more Twilight merch) Anyway Leo doesn't like it and subconsciously takes the Twilight merch leaving his. Suya misunderstands the reasoning assuming Leo wanted the Twilight merch for his own use.

Suya has gone into full work mode and Twilight is the only one brave enough to ask why. Turns out a recently returned Incubus looks exactly like her father which tiggered an emotional response. In Suya's mind as long as she knows her fathers working she should be working.

While others think this new busy Suya is a good thing as she'll stay out of trouble Twilight isnt so sure.

As he knows what its like to have a tense relationship with a parent he's worried for her, while everyone else brushes it off.

His suspicions turn out to be true. And things get weird the issue is resolved when she sees the Incubus is nothing like her father despite looking similar.

Suya over hears (and misunderstands) a conversation Twilight is having and she vows to protect him because to her the great and powerful demon king is just and innocent boy

But its really just a sauna (pretty sure she saw him get naked) but Twilight just accepts the tag along

Really Musician just suggested the sauna twilight wasn't aware of to reduce some stress

Again she still thinks its dangerous cause she hasn't realized who he was talking to and she doesn't really understand saunas

After the sauna they rest by a pool

But she still thinks this is some nefarious plot and Twilight is starting to get concerned for her behavior

Its actually pretty sweet how she's so worried for him she's going against her nature.

Twilight confesses that he's also been worried about Suya after seeing her in dad guilt induced work mode.

Twilight goes on a very sweet tangent about how little he understands humans and he has so far to go for his goal and Suya is touched

Suya realizes it was wrong of her to assume Twilight needed her protection as he is a king/leader in his own right. I dunno this chapter was super sweet.

I like to think they had a conversation after leaving the spa about her misunderstanding and use it as an inside joke about visiting the sauna.

#aurora suya rhys kaymin #princess suya #suyalight #demon king twilight #sleepy princess in the demon castle #maoujou de oyasumi #long post #manga

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thecherrygod · 1 year

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i havent been into it for too long but im kinda surprised i havent seen a harrykim good ol classic florist and tattoo artist au

like yeah im not so sure how the logic of either of them being in those proffessions would work but im talking mostly aesthetics here

like. harry being a florist just. does something to me. like when kim is like he needs hobbies if you get the gardening gloves he suggest gardening is just very good. maybe its a bit of like instead of becoming a teacher first hes a florist first and stays there. or when he was a teacher they had some of a garden in there and he learned and then maybe got a part time job at a florist to support him on his teacher salary bc those usually arent enough. also i think he still has at least some of his adiction issues but not necesarily to the in game level (maybe amphetamines to be able to keep up with his lifestyle also maybe he grows weed but less relevant until later). and maybe he actually got to marry dora and is actually divorced here. working too much, not making enough money, and when back at home hes still an addict, maybe the relationship lasted more but still it never got good enough to keep.

and kim... theres a few options. either undercover just being on the tattoo shop somehow which is like. not the most sense making but still a possibility. or.. he never became a cop, either, got too disappoined by the system early on, noticed the injustice, but realized that it didnt matter what he did it wouldnt be enough. or he did join the rcm for a bit and then quit bc of that, maybe also eyes died in here too and that was the last straw for him leaving. maybe hes not necesarily the guy doing the tattoos, but more of the designs and piercings (i assume its a million times easier doing piercings than tattoos. i dont mean that it doesnt require a technique too tho but getting a needle through skin for a piercing seems easier than having the pulse to work on a permanent piece in someones skin with specific pressure with consistence, and if he was a cop and quit maybe he has shakier hands.... idk. i dont know how stuff like this works generally ngl. also idk. can you have a tattoo.. parlor? and do designs but not the tattoos themselves? id assume you can but no idea)

ok yeah something like that maybe. and also the shops are either side by side or right across the street. i can imagine harry walking through the tattoo parlor and looking at the designs and looking at a few plant based designs and liking them and just. going in. not exactly for a tattoo or anything but more to like. know how it is and maybe meet the artist and then he sees kim which i imagine with a lot of tattoos and piercings which is sort of whats fueling this at this point bc i wasnt gonna think about it for too long but now im too deep into it and like i imagine this kim as.. kind of distant as he tends to be, will try to hide the fact he was a cop bc at this point hes not proud of that, he just likes making designs while listening to speedfreaks fm, which you can hear from outside the parlor while walking on the streets, but he is cool, and if you talk to him he will talk to you, hes just maybe awkward but also he is kinda weird (which has harry like 👉👈)

and this was just going to be me saying "man i havent seen any of this" and instead i sort of made my take on it and it got longer than i expected. anyways!!!

#my posts #and for organization #disco elysium #harrykim inked flowers au #that. doesnt mean im gonna actually make it. maybe. maybe. but i dont make promises #i make tags for myself. for my own organization and to find things later #inked flowers is bc i worry if i tag it as florist/tattoo artists au the tag is gonna get weird when i search for it #...... but i am attached to it now #............. i. would anyone believe me if i said this is like the second au ive made in my life lmao #i dont do this a lot bc i usually just see what others do i just make canon art and concepts and maybe post canon stuff #..... yeah. also it got too long lmao #also regarding the weed situation yeah i think harry would grow his own and at some point share with kim sfihsiug #like i think kim still has his one cigarette only and not much else. a bit of alcohol every once in a while and just weed #i think i should properly think about harry in here btw #this is all just placeholder for myself if it ever happens?#...... i think i am in a mood to like. write long posts today and also a lot of tags apparently #like... just rambling udsighsudig anyways. yeah. i love them i wanna think about them

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kedreeva · 1 year

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Oh my fucking GOD kedreeva i opened your blog to continue my yelling session (since im back on my bullshit and abiut to finish episode 5) since youve still gotta pay in listening to me scream for the shitshow you have put me through and i fucking open it and i fucking see the ask by the op of THAT fic oh my fucking god i cannot fucking believe i have managed to somehow create enough of a ruckus for my dumbfuckery to become known by them but it would appear that it somehow fucking happrnrf oh my fucking god

Honestly you put wtnv and nb steve and Identity Issues™ in front of my stupid ass of course im gonna lose my fucking mind and put a sledgehammer through my entire schedule and overall fucking personality (which is as always heavily influenced by my current hyperfixations) just because i HAVE to hyperfocus on the damned thing

Anyway kedreeva i will have you know that i have actually in fact been around since the beginning of the good omens days (which is like 3 years? ago now or something i cant remember how long ago the show first appeared) came for that stayed for that and the animals and your random ass every other fandom stuff (fyfi you almost got me into your damned teen wolf stuff too at some point in time) until it turns out motherfucking stranger things is what does me the fuck in i havent really been around in so long since my hyperfixations shifted goddamn (ive actually just now gone back and checked out of curiosity and the farthest back actual solid evidence of me existing around here that i can confidently determine as being me is from almost 3 and a half years ago as it turns out) and now i return just to get my ass dragged into hell goddamn but yeah flr the record i actually first first came for the go stuff and then stayed for the fucking ace omens stuff because that was my absolute favourite go flavour of all

Anyway lifes weird and i cant believe mines do fucking weird i ended HERE my go obsessed self would be SO disappointed

I was speaking to my father on the phone earlier about possibly paying a visit soon and he had to listen to me bitch so fucking much about goddamb stranger things without even know what the fuck stranger things even is

Anyway the end of episode 5 has me further losing my mind hope youre doing good and having fun when youre gonna be watching me lose my dsmned marbles

Oh I am having SO much fun :) and I'm glad GO managed to hook you first, that means you locked yourself in this room with me on purpose and chose to stay so whose fault is this really

#asks #anon asks #Anon (Delightful)#people say nice things

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chloeangelic · 7 months

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you’re on a website full off mentally ill people lol (and I really don’t mean that in a bad way, but tumblr especially has always been a place for people to be open about mental health and stuff)

People here are always gonna be too intense, too into stuff, too whatever. Some people aren’t able to slip back into a normal mindset after reading a fic and yeah, that’s on them. But as long as they don’t send any hate it’s their business.

You whole post about how Joel can be a mass murder and everyone still loves him but what happens in rendezvous makes him a “bad” person to everyone. Meh. It’s all just fanfiction, it’s really not that deep. Obviously when we’re reading most things from readers perspective it feels shitty and makes Joel look shitty. He’s not gonna be a mass murder in a no outbreak fic so the boundaries are going to be completely different. And personally I would consider what Joel did cheating, not on MC but on Katy, but you’re the author, you decide.

And yeah, people are gonna be mad about angst and especially angst/bad endings. (Again, as long as they don’t send mean/hate asks, I think it’s fine?) you gave enough warnings so its up to them to decide if they want to read it. But some people are never going to stop wanting happy endings and that’s okay too. Life is already shitty enough, why read fanfic about a shitty life lol. And for people reading Joel fanfic, obviously a shitty ending would be for him to be with someone else and not “you”

It would be a completely different story if the “you” is Katy, obviously. And then people would feel shitty at the thought of Joel with current rendezvous MC.

And yeah, you did warn enough. But some people just don’t read or care about warnings. (Like for example, some people on AO3 turn off seeing all the tags so they don’t get spoiled about what happens lol.) then it is of course their own fault. I obviously don’t know what kind of asks you got that were deleted but the ones you posted don’t really seem bad? Katy isn’t actually a real person (besides the person you got the name from) just like Joel isn’t actually a real person so who cares if someone insults them lol

You should probably turn off anon asks if the last chapter is going to piss off everyone. But I also think you knew what was gonna happen when you post a series like that lol

i mean you basically said it yourself - people are responsible for reading the tags and deciding if the content is okay for them. i havent deleted any anons - i might respond slowly, but i do reply to all anons unless theyre completely pointless or im saving them for something like a roundup post

and youre right, its not that deep, which is why i have no issue writing angsty series like rendezvous, cause its all just me playing with barbies on my keyboard at the end of the day. my post about him being a murderer was just my thoughts and observations on the matter as someone who has written about joel "cheating", going MIA, being forgiven etc.

i know people are gonna be pissed about the last part - people would be pissed no matter how it ends, cause there's essentially three camps of readers. i think its fun to see people being engaged and having strong feelings about it, that just means i wrote something engaging and that evokes emotion like i intended

i have no issue with people being "too invested" in this story, having strong feelings about it, but when people have genuine issues with me writing joel choosing someone else, that just the idea of me writing one story like that makes them personally feel like shit, i think like its important for me to say i think its a concerning way of interacting with fanfics. im not making anyones life worse by writing the things i write lmao

not entirely sure what kinda answer you wanted here haha but those are my thoughts on what you said!

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paralien · 7 months

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Is it dual wielding 50% school and night shifts or is it me that's giving me at work panic attacks. is it a me issue? sorry I'm like barely holding back a world breaking anxiety/panic attack at work and using all my will power to sit very still and breathe normally so this might be a long one but like, is it a me issue? am I just bad at managing my time and myself and is it me that's causing the world to feel like it's ending?

I mean, the world feels like it's ending for very many reasons that like, I refuse to properly share even on the over sharing website or w people i know which might be it like. I've got it in my head that as long as I just suck it up well enough it'll somehow disappear into a deep dark void never to be seen again and magically, somehow, my friends will talk to me again and I'll stop feeling so awfully world breakingly heart crushing lonely which doesn't even make sense. Because I'm currently living with my best friend and i love them so much so why do i feel so heart breakingly lonely and as if my life is irrapearily broken and destroyed and nothing will ever be well again?

I just, I have a 0 tolerance now for anything going wrong and it's making me isolate because I don't want to lash out but im also tired of the fact that all that'll excit my mouth is hi how are you doing I've been crying for a week straight ♡ like hello shut up shut up shut up what the fuck no one cares! that's stupid shut up! suck it up! I go to work i attend my classes I don't have any time to do my schoolwork bc all i do is sleep and then wake up for work and work and it has to be a me thing how can't I actually find the time to do it I'm supposed to have 8hrs free for school work but all i do is sleep.

I want to be kinder i need to be kinder i need people to love me and miss me and care if I'm here but I currently feel like if I didn't no one would even notice because why would they? I feel so awful. And i dont get it i try so hard to be nice and supportive and kind but does it matter? does it matter. does it? it's so childish. it's so insanely childish I'm in my mid 20s so how can I suddenly end up so unstable iut of nowhere? I'm exhausted of being exhausted and I'm tired of being lonely but I'm too terrified to reach out to people because if they don't do it first and havent done it first in weeks then why does it matter?

I want too much. I think that's what it all boils down to. I want too much and i can't have it and I can't speak up about wanting it either because how childish is that? how childish how foolish how absolutely ridiculous. how stupid.

I wish I could break into a million pieces and everyone would say how sad and they'd feel sorry for me but i can't those pieces are no ones responsibility but my own. how silly how foolish i just want attention but that's selfish so so selfish so i can't ask for it. I just want a hug. I want someone to hold my hand. I want someone to hold me in a tight embrace for hours until I feel steady again like i can breathe again and i think I had a realization and I can't I can't. I don't want to be selfish i don't want to be a burden i don't want them to grow tired of me. I feel like people have already grown tired of me. I've grown tired of me. and I've had a realization and I think ill take it to my grave because I cannot say it i can't how foolish. how absolutely folish. how selfish. how absolutely selfish you are

#fanya.txt #incomprehensible vent #let it be said despite it all that ill be fine or i dont feel like ill be fine ever i feel itll only get worse until something happens #but I'll like. be here #i have work and school and ive gotta make sure the roomie has a car for work #does it even count as bad if i still go to work? if im present in my classes even if i cant do my hw?#who knows #who knows who knows

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captainadwen · 1 year

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my investment in genshin this time around has been much much shorter lived than expected

this is just a sleep-deprived 5 am rant bc i cannot sleep

i mean, part of it might be spoilers but also the lack of building up to plot that I missed (since my friend played some of the story while using my account as an alt). the issue is that i dont care enough about inazuma’s plot to look it up and see what happened. like ive met ei. i did her second quest. i know enough about raiden shogun to guess. i dont give a single fuck about kujo sara so watching her short-lived fallout from ideology is frankly unappealing. kokomi i liked only bc of a fancomic and the in-game version is much more disappointing. i still forget gorou exists. doing kazuha’s quest is frankly wasting the time i spend alive. i think there’s other characters in inazuma but i keep forgetting who they are so it’s like, whatever

why are itto and shinobu the only two characters from inazuma i actually like???

it is just impossible for me to be invested in inazuma story, and the same issue is happening in sumeru. sumeru the problem is a mix of spoilers but also that i am SO DONE with the traveler having three personality traits

1. i single-handedly saved countries. pay my allies no mind. isn’t it great i owned the jade chamber and that the anemo god is still awol and whatever the fuck went down in inazuma?

2. busybody

3. omg, sUCH a HERo

i really hate it!!!

every time i think im getting invested the focus shifts from characters and their interactions (i thought!!! little sick rich lady and body guard pyro lady and dancer hydro lady had a nice thing going on!!!) back to the traveler and their bullshit quest to go see the dendro archon (for what???? honestly if the writers REALLY cared about the story the motivation would stop being flimsy-ass lets travel teyvat uhuhuh and more ‘that dainsleif fellow is my closest link to finding my awol sibling and if i cannot find my sibling or the god that yeeted us here then by GOLLY i will track dainsleif and other khaen’riah survivors/relics across teyvat until i find one of them again)

(which like!!! could work really well for inazuma and sumeru bc 1. vision stopping might be sus enough for traveler to suspect abyss involvement. but also they got hit really bad by the cataclysm and 2. i havent done the quest yet but there’s a huge-ass ruin guard??? just lying around??? also the irminsul tree links whatnot)

MY POINT IS

i really hate that there’s no motivation to travel around and i hate the boastful traveler and i hate paimon’s screechy voice (i went back to see clips of mond and her voice is SO MUCH LESS SCREECHY) and i really, really fucking despise the grinding

why does every new character need a specific artifact. why do we have to grind so much. if i want to use any of my cast of characters i have to grind the fuck out of them first or they die in three seconds or do nothing. heaven forbid your character scale off anything but attack or hp with how rare things like energy recharge are. like

i thought it was just that i disliked fighting games. im kinda bad at them. and i dont like genshin fighting. i keep wanting to play a ton of rpgs (assasin’s creed, mass effect), but i get tired thinking about fighting. but then i realized, im like 40+ runs in on hades and still going strong. and that game is pure combat.

i just hate games where the combat feels meaningless

at least in hades i know each run brings me slowly closer to escaping the underworld. in genshin after grinding for a full hour (a bit longer than a long slow run in hades) i’ll be lucky if i got anything of use. maybe if you just fight bosses for ascension materials. otherwise get fucked

it just exhausts me and not even puzzles or exploration can make me not feel tired at the idea of playing (And god, i hate the aranara quest run around collecting seeds things.... it could be worse but it could also just be lile. a puzzle instead of dash dash dash con)

anyway i think imma take another break, probably shorter since genshin is what i play when i am bored simply bc its there and easy and i can quit after 5 mins with zero progress lost. a realization brough to you by the realization i was only logging in to get primos for nahida, who i have not met and whom spoilers did not endear me to (also she’s a kid character and except for klee i universally am extremely indifferent to them), whom i was told is “ultra good” for fighting and spiral. and who i’d still have to build up. on the off chance i win 50/50

yeah, no

#anyway the fact that every genshin player who likes the characters and the story just has an elaborate version of the plot and characterizat #where things are actually good #explains a lot about the hugely disparate characterization styles in fic and comic #aLSO ON THAT NOTE #the huge cast of pullable characters from the get-go is such a bad move story-wise #bc u do not have enough time to get invested in a character before they ship you off to the next money grub #like i get why they do it #gatcha game and all #but like #mond and liyue each kept a cast with you side-by-side from the start #mond it was jean starters diluc and venti #so 6 characters #and liyue it was childe and zhongli #so 2 #and the others got peppered in as needed #but inazuma kept punting you off to new gatcha waifu every three scenes and sumeru is doing the same #ffs

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loartacc · 8 months

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This is a random ass long rant not really meant to be reblogged so im not tagging it for any fandoms or anything. This is a precursor post, I will eventually be making a coherent post about this later with my own images and more coherent talking points.

This is a rant using limited evidence and so far, limited research. Take what's thrown into this mess with a grain of salt, because its 3:50 am and I've run out of brainpower to think about this for now. If I could make this a post where you had to click to expand/read more I would but i'm on mobile and don't know how, so we suffer together sorry.

Onto the mess!

The issue with only reading todds books in the dragonriders of pern series does mean that i've missed out on a couple key points for the riding details. Apparently the riding straps were described, however when i looked at them honestly the harnes shown on the rider was mainly just a belt with four connecting tethers to the dragon's straps.

I feel as if that wouldnt be secure enough, and would likely be very rough on the rider to just be tethered to your dragon around the waist lol. I definitely want to draw some strap idea's, especially since some sites use saddles while Anne never wrote in the books if there were saddles or not (and one site said she was against them while another never mentioned the saddles at all.)

Here is the image in question with the straps:

From the Dragonlovers guide to Pern by Jody Lynn Nye.

I've seen multiple people reference this book specfically when talking about the riding straps.

However this cover shows a very different idea to the way someone would sit on a dragon than that (with an actual saddle being included. However I have not read this book so unsure if this is something that should be relied on.)

These saddles seem unlikely for fighting thread with the taller backs, since I imagine it wouldnt be incredibly comfortable.

The following covers also show saddles and different strap ideas

These images both show saddles and the first even shows possibly a red harness? Again! Havent read those books so unknown context for me.

However one of Todds books shows the no saddle idea, but very oddly???

Sky dragons!!! With an assumed Xhinna!!! With what appears to be possibly a tether on either side??? And a single strap for the dragon himself??? That is definitely not fuckin secure.

Obviously expecting variation since im assuming these are in different time periods (atleast i know the anne and todd pnes are)

Also why is the blue dragons front legs so fuckin itty bitty?

I will forever be wondering about this and I will be drawing out all of my ideas for it soon. I definitely want to explore the ideas of harnesses (it makes sense to have more ways to secure yourself than just around your waist!!!) And straps for the riders legs specfically. I also wanna sketch out some saddle ideas? Or strap ideas for the dragon itself. I've been thinking about this forever and honestly yeah.

Saddle vs straps is a good arguement where the dragon is concerned. No matter what, straps are involved. However it would likely be safer and more comfortable for the rider to have a saddle. I'm assuming some of it lies in the dragons own personal preferences, and in hoe much time they have before a threadfall or flight. Saddle would also likely be safer (and give easy to reach access to firestone bags if made right since they could be hung along the edges of a saddle, meaning plenty of space for ammo during a lomg threadfall.)

Also how would multiple people ride a dragon with the straps shown? Obviously its possible, just interesting to think about the setup.

Sorry if theres any repeated points or anything! It is, very late. Also sorry for grammar and misspellings (however, on this blog you should be very very used to both of those.)

Also site i got the dragonlovers guide to pern image from!

#op talks #op talks a whole fuckin lot honestly jesus christ #my mom watched me grab all the images and frown a lot while doing this and she narrowly avoided hearing my rant irl about this #i could go on FOREVER about how i hate how little stuff like this is actually described in the books

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