#there are also visibly/out queer ppl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aeide-thea · 8 months

Text

have been reading fic & thinking abt my relationship to fic, which is of course also among other things a mirror of my relationship to my own psyche, and like—i think all the discourse abt its being ~internalized misogyny~ to mostly/entirely read m/m is not ultimately, whatever the truth of it, all that helpful, either to readers or to Women! but of course that doesn't stop me from feeling weird guilt abt the fact that i don't read more f/f than i do, because if there's anything i love to do, it's feel unhelpfully bad abt myself on the slimmest of pretexts…

however! i did end up reading some f/f earlier, specifically transfem f/f, and it got me thinking—basically what i'm usually mostly reading fic for is the romance/sex, right? like, don't get me wrong, i love when a fic gives me a gorgeous double helix of, like, casefic and romance twisted together, that's ideal, but fundamentally most of the time the feeling up is what i sat down at the table to eat. so in a complex aegosexual way it's a fantasy i'm—not projecting onto, exactly, i don't want to be one of the people in it; but, like, lurking in the wings of with eyes big love-crumbs, to steal a phrase from a relevantly-named poet. :) and so it's no wonder that mostly i don't want to read cisfemme4cisfemme stuff, because that's not a dynamic that feels like it has any room for me, or even like i'm particularly welcome in the room. but like. if it's trans women? i'm there, i love that for them and for me. if there's a butch? i might get tripped up by our differing lenses on gender feelings and stub my toe a little but even so i'm probably here for it. (thinking here abt that one butch/femme geraskier ~cisswap which is, like, a gorgeous bruise i keep periodically pressing. <3)

so really it's just like. shocker: i'm not personally moved by fantasies abt romance which feature conventionally feminine cis women whom i don't personally find relatable or sexually desirable! and when i put it like that, it really instantly dissolves the weird useless discourse-induced guiltgunk. like. give me a woman who's, idk, tall and charismatic and strong and clever and talented at something (though honestly it's like that siken revised tweet, a lot of those characteristics are ultimately negotiable!), like women i've historically crushed on irl, and then give me a pairing for her that's like. another woman who's also enough of those things, or a man who's—honestly the kind of m/f i'm open to would be its own whole post bc holy shit am i fussy, it very much does exist but for now let's just stick a pin in that one—or somebody nonbinary, which… idk that i've ever actually seen nb/f in fic? i'm sure it exists! but i'm not sure it exists in any fandoms i've been into. pondering the question did get me really thirsty for a good 'farmgirl (of the luke skywalker variety) is absolutely stunned-and-ringing-like-a-struck-bell captivated by confident flamboyantly genderqueer love interest (example wanted)' dynamic, though…

#(this is entirely unrelated to the actual topic but every time i use a possessive to modify a gerund bc it's a verbal noun it's like #pls hold‚ time 2 decide whether i'd rather do the esoteric thing—'its being'—and have most ppl think i'm getting it wrong #or do the demotic thing—'it being'—and *know* in my own secret heart i'm getting it wrong #and both scenarios feel Bad! so it really is just lose-lose every time it comes up… a sad situation for a gerund lover like yrs truly. 😔)#(also yes what is 'wrong' when it comes 2 language anyway but like. you know what itches your ears and i know what itches mine.#…& obvs what itches mine somehow does NOT include (mis)using 'itch' as a transitive verb for comedically colloquial effect. shrug emoji!!)#anyway none of this is remotely groundbreaking or even unusual but. soothing 2 me to lay it out like this.#fannish things #i guess also #aut fieri uolo aut futuere #and no‚ the world definitely did not need >500 words retreading the same ground many other ppl have already trodden #however. what is a blog for if not to house long-winded unnecessary posts no one but the author (if that) really needed.#in conclusion anything i say abt My Relationship 2 Fic is really always a diptych with that anecdote abt the woman who called up queer bars #just to know there was a space out there where freedom and joy existed‚ and brush the edge of it‚ just a little #like am i personally embodying/visible as much of what i'm deeply emotionally bound up with? no.#is it nonetheless/therefore hugely important to me to see those possibilities stretched out before me like a far green field? sure is!!

10 notes · View notes

honeylover · 2 years

Text

as some people know. I have pronouns. This is a dilemma

#i completely understand that it/its pronouns are not easy for strangers to just Use lol they dont roll off the tongue #theyre not really practical to go by in a school setting imo but now i have to pick a placeholder set of pronouns...?#instinct says they/them bc i wanna flag to other nb ppl that i am nb in no uncertain terms #but those like arent my pronouns so i feel like a little bit of self betrayal even figuring this out 😶 like I dont want to lie to people #so then im like maybe i should just use she/her and then when i meet someone i like be like listen. i have a secret set of pronouns lmaooo #because she/her is a much more common set of public facing pronouns if that makes any sense like a common mask #AND ONE LAST THING. i lowkey wish i could be brave and impractical and be Visible to cishets as someone who uses neos #bc like i wna be loyal to my nb identity and help normalize it a tiny bit ..... :/ but i know there are also queer ppl who #hate neopronouns bc they scare and bewilder their oppressors and make the community 'look bad.' (to the oppressor. lol.)🫣#and while i do not buy into that thought process at all i know my feelings will be way way way more hurt if i get backlash from #another queer person.#there is even more nuance that i wont mention but anyway i am overthinking this So Much good god #gravel #qomh #can you read this and give me advice #im prbly just gonna use she/her at school i think? does that sound like a good plan

3 notes · View notes

priceforrottenjudgement · 1 year

Text

Ppl dont seem to realise that "only perceivably queer people should have access to queer spaces and support" and "nobody is obligated to out themselves to you and nobody needs to provide proof of their sexuality/identity" CANNOT coexist.

People are very quick to say "nobody should ever be forced out of the closet, there is no one way to be queer" but then throw a fit when someone who isnt visibly gay plays a gay character or when someone who isnt officially out acts in a ~queer way~.

Edit: Yes ofc its frustrating to see straight people get applauded for portraying queer characters and queer people should have more control about queer narratives that straight people do, but yall have to let go of the idea that "sexuality unknown" automatically means "straight by default". Thats literally heteronormativity.

Yes, harmful and stereotypical portrayals should be examined, but some of yall start frothing at the mouth over the possibility that the person delivering a perfectly harmless portrayal of a queer person might not be queer themselves.

Its also telling how yall will usually only go after the 'easier' targets. You bullied kit connor into outing himself bc he dared to play a bisexual boy while keeping his own identity private, but i have yet to see the same energy for cate blanchett, taika waititi, etc who have also played queer characters despite not being openly queer. Bc its not really about keeping the community safe, is it? Youre doing shit like this bc it makes you feel powerful and righteous.

If you care about all queer stories being "own voices" stories, thats your decision and a valid way to feel. But dont kid yourself into thinking youre making the lgbt community safer by forcing actors to out themselves.

#m #yes this is about kit connor #and also many others who were forced to out themselves #by 'concerned' queer ppl #kit connor

65K notes · View notes

labyrynth · 10 months

Text

found out today that apparently a bunch of ppl on here have beef w neil gaiman for some reason…? like if you think he’s annoying okay whatever, but like. he’s just A Guy.

#moi #some ppl in the notes on that post were like. accusing him of all kinds of shit?#accusing him of queerbaiting and misogyny and also being a nazi?#like idk abt u but the last person i saw accusing him of misogyny turned out to be a terf #and like. are u really gonna accuse a guy who has written enough canonically and visibly queer characters #that right wingers throw a fit about it #of queerbaiting somehow??#like fine if you think he’s annoying #but like you don’t have to have a reason to not like him #you can just think he’s annoying #and not make up a bunch of bullshit about how he’s actually terrible #he’s just a guy

1 note · View note

vaspider · 9 months

Text

Last year I wrote about what happened at Pride when a couple of kids didn't understand why us older folx were so bitter about Reagan.

This year, I have something a little softer.

Someone who looked a little older than me came up to the booth wearing a pink t-shirt proclaiming him one of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, San Francisco chapter. As I was ringing him up, I asked if he'd been involved for a while.

"Yes," he said, "for a bit," in that way us middle-aged people do when we're sort of wincing and feeling old.

"Okay, well," I said, sitting at my register in my queer booth full of queer clothes and patches and pins, topless in public for the first time. (I had pasties on for my own comfort bc I was working, but I live in the city of the Naked Bike Ride, and I took full advantage). My baby brother and both of my partners ran around behind me, my brother wearing a loose tank top that makes his scars visible.

"I need to tell you that you all helped keep me alive."

He blinked at me as I continued, "I was a kid in high school in the early 90s. I lived in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania, and what you all were doing was so loud and so out there that even I heard about your work. It was one of the things that kept me alive. So thank you, and please thank the rest of the Sisters."

I heard about them through people in my parents' church complaining about them, and then I sought more information through the beginning of the internet, through newspapers, through anything I could find. I found the cover of Newsweek that one of the Sisters was on. I read about their "exorcism" of fundamentalist preachers whose books sat on the shelf in my parents' basement and probably still do. I saw how loud and colorful and unapologetically queer they were.

The knowledge that someone was out there, so full of defiant joy, refusing the shame that people kept trying to put on them? Oh, that kept me alive. I saw them, and I knew I could make it through. I wrapped my hands around that knowledge, and I held on so tight.

It took me a long time - a long, long time - to unwind most of it for myself and get to the point where my fat butch ass was sitting bare-chested in the July breeze, looking up at him as he held out his arms and said "you're actually giving me chills." I answered, "I mean every word. You helped keep me alive. So thank you."

I never know what to say when people come up to me in public and tell me that I helped them or changed their life in some way. I appreciate it, and I genuinely love the people who apologized for "fanpersoning" at me last weekend, I just never know what to say. I'm incredibly grateful that the Sister I spoke to was incredibly gracious, saying "usually we give blessings, but I feel like you blessed me." Another member of the party let me pet their tiny dog, who was not very interested in me, and that's okay. It was an overwhelming day. Then, they moved on.

Me? I'm still sitting with the fact that I looked last weekend into the faces of people who didn't know they were holding my head above water, and that I got to tell them the work they do matters. It's a rare thing to get to tell someone, "You saved me," and I'm treasuring it.

Last weekend, I wore my new battle vest with nothing underneath it, unless it was too hot, and then I just sat in my chair, chatting and ringing ppl out with my skin free to the air. I decided last year that top surgery isn't for me, but that also I'm going to love this body unapologetically, and it's no less a transmasculine body because the soft new dark hair on my belly isn't accompanied by pink scars along my ribs.

I didn't get here on my own. I got here because someone else cut through the undergrowth ahead of me so I could take another step forward. Here I am, decades later, still taking step after step, one at a time, and trying to lay paving stones behind me.

Last weekend was another step along that way, another step through unwinding the fear and shame and sadness that my parents and their church built into me. Another step out of hating myself for hiding parts of myself for so long, for acting out in other ways to distract people from my queerness, for feeling so much guilt when other people tell me I'm brave, because I know how much of myself I hid for how long because I was a coward, because I was afraid.

Another step into expiating stigmatic guilt.

#sisters of perpetual indulgence

3K notes · View notes

dootdootwriting · 11 months

Text

♡ PRIDE with the HSR cast ♡

featuring: jing yuan; bronya; dan heng; gepard landau; himeko; march 7th; natasha; sampo; seele; serval landau; welt yang tw: none type: fluff, pride month, hcs, a lil bit silly pronouns used: none a/n: cishets dni with this post <3 it's not for you <3 (normally you are welcome on my blog! just not this post) queer ppl PLEASE interact. idc what ur identity is if you're lgbtq+ in some way this post is for you <3 i love you (YES this includes trans straight people and bi people with crushes on characters of the opposite gender. you are loved and included)

ERM sorry this is a day late i got really tired and had to finish it today!! utc for length as usual

DAN HENG

kind of forgets about it until it's june first and he goes "oh wait. it's the gay month now isnt it"

anyway he's happy he gets to celebrate it with you. otherwise he wouldn't really see the point in doing anything special

probably gets you some kind of gift with your flag on it <3 whether it be a plushie or a banner or just a flag!

if you like going to the parades and celebrations, he'll go with you. he's not a huge fan of all the crowds of people there, but it doesn't bother him too much and he likes seeing you happy, so the net value is positive

buys something for himself if the two of you go shopping this month

he'll see a t-shirt with a little rainbow on the chest and he smiles a bit and buys it to sleep in

you also get him obnoxiously rainbow sweatpants. at first he is incredibly offended, but eventually they grow on him and he starts wearing them around the astral express. march lives for them and was visibly upset that she did not get a pair.

MARCH 7TH

WOW!!! ALL GAY PEOPLES' BIRTHDAY!!! NO WAY!!!

march is the most excited for pride month out of everyone on the astral express. she stays up until midnight on june 1st like it's new year's eve

AGGRESSIVE with all her pride merch. she gets you so much shit too. pride shirt. pride sweatshirt. pride socks. a million pride bracelets.

if the two of you go out together in june, she makes sure you're also dressed to the nines in various flags and rainbow colors

drags you to the pride parades. march convinces the crew of the express to let her make a train float for the parade of whatever planet you're on and she goes TO THE MAX with it.

speaking of the express, when everyone wakes up and enters the main train car, they find march putting up streamers and blasting lady gaga at full volume

tldr she's fucking excited

HIMEKO

ohh pride month! so blowing homophobes up is legal this month?

well, i wish. sorry himeko

she's one for more subtle pride merch. maybe a hair-tie or a bracelet, but she has at least one little flag on her at all times.

also has some pride pajamas. hey, they're comfy.

if you're comfortable, she'll take you to the pride parades. if not, no problem, the two of you can celebrate from home.

also probably gifts you something! she gets matching pins for the two of you so you can be proud... together!!

if any of the other express crew comments on her little pride ornaments, she goes "yeah? and what about it?" like a queen. this is completely ineffective however because the entire crew is queer in some way

WELT YANG

oh, it's june again. alright.

doesn't really see the need to celebrate, but will allow you to adorn him with various pride baubles if you so desire

thinks it's very cute if you get excited about pride... like yeah, yeah you should be proud.

while he doesn't outwardly show much excitement about the occasion, you notice welt gets more affectionate with you

there are more little forehead kisses when he passes you, more reaching for your hand when he walks beside you, and you swear you can feel him hold you just a little bit tighter when you go to sleep

when march proposes the idea of decorating the express, he gives a slight but genuine smile and shoots you a knowing look.

even though he could celebrate himself this month if he chose to, for welt, it's more about celebrating you and the relationship he has with you.

he's more proud of that than anything else.

BRONYA

exhausted by pride month before it even begins LOL

being the head of the city, she's in charge of sanctioning and scheduling and planning all the official pride parades and celebrations happening around belobog, and, well... wow, are people in belobog really fucking gay

also deigns to go give some speeches at a couple of the rallies. she's a cool supreme guardian

cocolia allowed pride parades during her reign, but she never encouraged them. both to celebrate her own identity and yours and completely spite her mother, bronya encourages the people of belobog to go all out

and they do!

she gets a couple of gifts for you. not anything super huge or out there, but a flag or a shirt or a hair pin to match with one of hers.

bronya also gets premium seats to any pride parade she goes to, and she definitely takes advantage of this. kind of the best dates ever.

and when she's exhausted by the day's events and the two of you lay down to bed, you can hear her quietly wish you happy pride.

GEPARD LANDAU

gets really excited about pride, but doesn't really know what to do with it

and also, as captain of the silvermane guards, he's tasked with making sure all the official belobog pride parades are safe and orderly

this is quite the task given how passionate belobog's gay community is

on days where he doesn't bring you, he comes back covered in fans and stickers and streamers and confetti in the colors of pretty much any queer flag you can think of.

he has you deck out his armor for him. you grab your paint and stickers and washi tape and decorate the hell out of him

he's so happy when you do this. it's a very sweet moment full of fun and laughter and intimacy

no cops at pride! only gepard landau and his exuberant rainbow armor

SERVAL LANDAU

YOU LOOK AT HER AND TELL ME SHE DOESN'T BOOK SO MANY PRIDE PARADE GIGS

lord. it's so sexy. she performs her music on as many pride floats as she can, and every single time, she either takes you with her or looks at you in the crowd and blows you a kiss after her big number

SERVAL CAN I HAVE A KISSIE KISS PLS <3333

also aggressively proud. she paints her cheeks with her flag(s) and roams around yelling happy pride at anyone she sees in the streets wearing rainbows

the two of you go to a café and the guy taking your order is wearing a trans wristband and she gets so excited she starts yelling by accident and ends up giving him a 30% tip and a free concert ticket

you stare at her and shes like what??? it's pride month

girl get a grip.....?

probably takes you to a couple of raves too

you paint so many flags on each other that it looks like your skin is rainbow and stay out until the early hours of the morning

SEELE

only knows what pride month is because you explain it to her

while there's a normal sized lgbtq+ population in the underground, chances are pride celebrations every year are short and not very big

she learns about it and is so excited

seele wants to go to a pride parade in the overworld with you, but even more than that she wants to set up a parade for the people in the underground so they can really celebrate themselves

it takes a few weeks of planning and execution, but it's successful and it pays off. it's a huge amount of fun for everyone in the underground who wants to participate, and a welcome distration from the lingering effects of the stellaron

part of the planning for this of course involves taking out to attend pride parades up in belobog

the first few minutes of being in the crowd, seele is a little nervous about all the people and the fact she can't move around too easily. but she gets used to it pretty quickly

she has the best reflexes out of everyone in the crowd and manages to catch every single freebie thrown off of the floats. she brings them back to distribute among the kids in the underground.

NATASHA

natasha is reasonably excited for pride month

possibly the most normal out of everyone on jarilo VI

she puts little rainbow flag posters up on the walls of her clinic to make sure that queer kids know they're safe there year round, but they double during june

YOU CANNOT convince me natasha isn't the biggest giver of hrt treatment on jarilo VI you cannot

she wishes all her trans and otherwise queer patients happy pride when they come in, and hands out little rainbow stickers to kids she has to give shots to

her work takes up most of her day, and she regrets this during this month the most because she can't spend time with you

she's able to take the day off for your birthday and other important occasions, but patients need care

to make it up to you, the month of june is full of extra late-night dates once she's gotten home from the clinic and candlelit dinners.

SAMPO

i've said it before and i'll say it again: sampo runs an overpriced pride merch stall

and you look sooooo cute modeling all those pins and buttons and shirts and socks and hats and

has you stand around waving your flags decked out in all things rainbow, to attract customers

a couple of people rightfully accuse him of ripping them off, but sampo just blinks up at them innocently. they'd really accuse him of such a thing? during pride month of all times? have they no shame?

sampo has no shame. those customers were reacting reasonably.

when he's not conducting business, he's even more affectionate than usual, which, frankly, is difficult to do since he's usually glued to your side

"it's pride month!! we should kiss all the time obnoxiously in public to show people what queer love and joy look like"

babe....

JING YUAN

the general... has almost no time to spare for pride month

which, honestly, is such a disappointment to him. he was so looking forward to june and spending extra time with you

so instead, he has you accompany him to his work and keep him company and chat with him and sit on his lap on occasion and give him kisses when he's tired and

his coworkers are staring.

"do i detect homophobia in the room? during pride month? get back to work." (he's joking)

the lion gets a RAINBOW BOW TIE COLLAR and he is WORKING IT!!

he looks so dapper. he struts around like he's the handsomest man in the world

and he is, second to your jing yuan, of course

to show support for his community, the general flies a rainbow flag from the building

the gay is visible throughout the entire luofu

369 notes · View notes

rab1darachn1d · 28 days

Text

bsd trans/queer headcanons for trans visibility day!!(PLS FEEL FREE TO ADD UR OWN I LOVE SEEING PPLS HEADCANONS)

-I see Dazai and Fyodor as both agender in a "im not exactly cis but i also dont exactly give a fuck anymore" Dazai more so because he has a hard time figuring out gender n shit like that and Fyodor bc he cant be bothered to think about that stuff(IM PROJECTING<3)

-I think Nikolai would be genderfluid or gender queer or would not care for labels at all and would use literally ANY fucking pronoun(Maybe hed feel like labels n shit were too constricting??? idk my tranny brain clung so hard to his whole "feeling like a bird trapped in a cage")(IK ITS NOT INHERENTLY TRANS IM NOT TRYING TO MAKE IT TRANS PLS DONT COME AFTER ME I HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS)

-Chuuya and Kunikida are transmasc. no explanation needed(i could go on for HOURS dude you dont understand)

-Nonbinary Gin ofc ofc, how they present depends on the day and i dont think theyd care about pronouns(I believe its canon they prefer to be seen as masc in the mafia for safety reasons?) I could also see them as gender queer

NOW HEADCANONS THAT DONT HAVE HARD REASONING AND I JUST THINK ARE NICE<3

-Lippmann being genderfluid or genderqueer

-Albatross being nonbinary(uses they/he)

-Akutagawa being unlabeled and doesn't care much about pronouns(he has worse things to worry about so i dont think hed give it much thought?)

-Kouyou being transfem

-I could see Atsushi testing out abunch of different labels(he was never taught abt queer stuff in the orphanage and so now hes just tryna figure shit out)

-Rimbaud being gender queer

-T4T Ranpoe guys you dont understand how happy they make me I HATE THEM

-Agender Tetchou and Pangender Jouno is funny to me, it wouldn't be on purpose itd just be a very funny coincidence

-Transfem Lucy and Anne being inspo for her transition makes me sob(I LOVE LUCY I NEED TO TALK ABT HER MORE SHES SO <333)

-following that T4T Atsulucy brings me joy, they could share their experiences "not feeling quite right" when they were both in the orphange

-Trans masc Sigma who will dress both masc AND fem(too all transmasc who dress fem and all transfem who dress masc you guys r so valid<33 your choice of clothes does not dictate your gender and violently bite those who say it does<3)

-Kenji would identify as male but would use any pronouns and not care how people perceive him, I dont think itd bother him as long as everyone is happy and no one fights over it

AND THOSE R ALL I HAVE HAPPY TRANS VISIBILITY DAY<3 REMEMBER THESE ARE ALL HEADCANONS AND SHOULDN'T BE TAKEN SUPER SERIOUSLY I JUST THINK THESE ARE NEAT AND MIGHT MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY

#PLS DONT FIGHT THANK YOU #bsd #bungo stray dogs #trans visibility day #trans #headcanons #bsd dazai #bsd fyodor #bsd nikolai #bsd chuuya #bsd Kunikida #i aint adding all the characters god damn #nonbinary #agender #gender queer

51 notes · View notes

aroacesafeplaceforall · 28 days

Note

sorry in advance for the vent :)

so i'm aspec, not sure where on the spectrum, but some degree of aroace, and the other day an acquaintance confessed to 'liking' me. my first thought was 'damn i hope so', followed by a 'wait what' bc my dumbass brain doesn't comprehend attraction. anyway, this person already knew i was aspec before this conversation and i had made it very clear that i wasn't interested at all in romance/relationships. the whole encounter made me v uncomfortable (to the degree that i don't really want to talk to them ever again), compounded by the fact that they are 26/27 and i'm 19. i feel like they've just offloaded their problems onto me to make themselves feel better, bc i don't want to deal w any of this, but idk if i'm just overreacting (i really don't get allos sometimes). also this person was one of the first ppl i've come out to outside of close friends and family, so i feel kind of betrayed. anyway, i wanted some opinions of some other ppl, esp aroaces, to check i'm not blowing this out of proportion (don't feel pressured to respond tho)

ps: i know this person bc we volunteer at the same relatively small charity, would it be extreme to ask the volunteer coordinator to put me on different shifts than them? i don't want to affect their relationship w the charity if i tell them why, but i would need to in order to justify it

pps: also, fun fact, this person (cis guy) said their celebrity crush is kristen stewart, so i'm seeing a trend here (i'm afab, but imo pretty visibly queer)

[answered by noah]

Okay first of all, YOU'RE NOT OVERREACTING. That sounds like a perfectly acceptable reaction to what's happened. From what you've said, you've told them you have no interest in romantic relationships, yet they confessed anyway? Rude, not respecting your identity or boundaries at all.

It's very understandable that you don't want to talk to then again (especially since they were an acquaintance and where told you're aspec) if that happened to me (spoiler: it has) I definitely wouldn't want to talk to them again.

If you do feel that way, then asking to be changed to different shifts sounds absolutely fine to me (I mean it's not like you're asking them to get fired or anything).

Also I know age gaps are okay to a certain extent, but that's pushing it a bit in my opinion (especially when one person is only just an adult).

Overall, if it really bothers you? Tell the volunteer coordinator to change your shift, I'm sure they'll be understanding :)

#asks #ask #aromantic #aroace #asexual #aro #ace #aspec #arospec #acespec #aro pride #ace pride #pride

33 notes · View notes

nothorses · 9 months

Note

As someone who doesn’t fall within the LGBT part of the acronym I’m still more uncomfortable with queer as the umbrella because it feels like the last progressively acceptable way to be exclusionary. Obvs plenty of folks still judge whether ppl are gay/trans enough. But doing that is at least explicitly not acceptable in the spaces I wanna be in. Whereas it’s accepted and sometimes encouraged to criticize or even exclude ppl for not being queer enough (in theory a political call, in practice a judgement on identity and presentation). I do still use queer to signal correctly, but it does not sit well for that reason. Wish there was a third option w/no political history, but I know we’d just do this to whatever new term we came up with too

I mean, I think "I know we’d just do this to whatever new term we came up with too" kind of hits the nail on the head here.

This isn't something that happens because of the word, it's something that happens because of the people. The word itself is not inherently exclusive; in fact, it's explicitly all-inclusive. It's for anyone who falls outside of the relevant societal expectations, by definition, and there is no list or any further defining or qualifying that needs to be done.

The issue with "LGBT", and any variation thereof, is that it's a list. It starts with the letters people consider most important to start with (hence, "GL" becoming "LG"). Even if it didn't, it requires that we name every single kind of person who's welcome, individually, which inevitably leaves people out- or tells them that they aren't welcome on the terms of their more "niche" identities, but rather only if they happen to have a more visible and accepted one alongside it. (See: "straight asexuals aren't LGBT")

People can still act exclusionary regardless of word choice, but if the words they're using do not themselves reinforce or encourage that way of thinking and behaving, it's kind of ridiculous to pin the blame for that on the words. People are going to do that with any word we use- at some point we have to decide whether the fight should be in finding a new word each time they do it, or in getting them to stop behaving that way in the first place.

Also... I'm sorry you've experienced this, and I think it needs to be addressed. But speaking personally, that experience isn't universal. When folks have gatekept who "counts", in my personal experience, they've overwhelmingly been using "LGBT" (or just "LGB"). If they use "queer" at all, it's interchangeable with that and other terms. Again, not to say that your experience doesn't matter- it does- but so do other people's.

You don't need to use "queer" for yourself if you don't want to. You also don't need to use "LGBT" or any variation. But we're not talking about personal identification, either; this is about which word is most practically useful and effective in achieving our goals of maximum inclusivity and clarity.

#queer #I know what you mean by people doing the 'not queer enough' thing. like. I really do.#I dont want to sound dismissive here

96 notes · View notes

t4transsexual · 28 days

Note

Out of curiosity- what's the weirdest thing another trans person has told you regarding transhetness?

probably the most offensive one has to be that time someone said i would never have to worry that people wont accept my sexuality. because in my life that has not been the case lmao. like i am still TRANS so generally someone who doesnt accept homosexuality isnt gonna be thrilled with trans ppl either, like those kinds of people who are homophobic but not transphobic really only exist in terfs brains lol

and the least personally offensive one would have to be that one person who said "you cant be straight as a trans person, this push for sameness is really hurting our community" like damn rly didnt think i was gonna get called an assimmilist for like, being a heterosexual lmao my bad

also im not straight passing irl either, but i am cis passing, so whenever i bring up that im dating a girl i get to visibly watch the gears turn in peoples heads as they try to figure out how this little gay boy fucks women which is always fun

i think generally a lot of weirdness i get probably comes from the fact that for one, a lot of people view queerness and gayness as the same, and queerness and heterosexuality as opposites, and especially people in my specific generation (older gen z) and especially the cis people/recently cracked eggs rly have put emphasis on "gayness" and "being gay" and take on "being gay" as the same meaning as being queer, so when they meet someone who is queer but is explicitly NOT gay (and this is more than transhet people, this can be anyone who is queer but doesnt identify as gay, including same gender attracted people of all sorts of sexualities/genders), they really dont know what to do with us, and for two im southern and live in the south and people here are not usually very imformed about different flavors of queerness and for some people im lucky if i get them to understand that im trans at all, let alone telling them im a heterosexual, because im not exaggerating when i tell you that pretty much everyone expects me to be gay no matter the fact that i have a girlfriend and havent dated a man since 2021 lol

and heres a photo of me close up if that helps you understand why everyone thinks im gay (i really dont get it myself but)

#straight yapping on this one lol #also to be clear #i dont actually get mad at people who assume im gay #and as a cis passing trans man im happy that i still at least trigger the gaydar #and being preceived as a cis gay man is way safer than being preceived as a trans man of any sexuality #but also if me triggering the gaydar for some reason #makes me appear safer to people who need it #like other trans/queer people #then like im fine w that #however when i tell you im not gay and im straight #and that i dont want to be called gay because its invalidating to my sexuality #and this is important to me bc i spent so much of my life #experiencing extreme comphet #and i still had to overcome that #it was NOT easier to accept i dont like men now that im a man #in fact in my experience i was kinda scared to be a straight trans man #so that's why i really feel strongly about it #trans #t4t #transhet #st4t #t4t mlw #t4t wlm #trans man #transgender

23 notes · View notes

aspecpplarebeautiful · 3 months

Note

(Self hating content incoming sorry if you don't wanna answer) I'm a grey ace lesbian and honestly I just wish so badly that I wasn't. I'm so scared that even other queer women won't want me, I know that realistically my odds of finding someone who's compatible aren't good, and honestly I just don't want to have to deal with all this. I wish I wasn't scared to even casually date half the time because I'm so afraid no one who isn't also ace is ever going to want me so it feels like I'd be

(self-doubting greyace lesbian anon pt 2) Like it wouldn't be fair to expect someone who wasn't ace to stick around for maybe a regular relationship. I want love and I wish I enjoyed more than the idea of sex more than once in a blue moon, is that so wrong? And it's so hard to not feel like i got cheated by the universe and resent my identity. I don't want to drag other ppl down so I just bottle these feelings up plus idk if I can afford therapy rn. I just wish I could make my peace with this.

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, Anon. It sounds like there's two issues going on, the first is finding a partner you're compatible, and the second is self-acceptance in general.

I'd focus on self acceptance to start. Start following ace spectrum blogs (both ace themed, and people who just happen to be ace spectrum). If you can lesbian ace spec stuff, even better. And consider joining communities. Check and see if there's any in-person ace meetups near you, or think about joining online communities like a discord server or similar. It can help a lot to regularly see real aces who are dealing with the same or similar things as you so you're not always comparing yourself to the same standards as allos.

Seek out ace media, there's a lot of books and podcasts out there especially and you can find rec lists. Find characters who you relate to.

Remember too that your value is not in your relationship status, build yourself up. Learn a new skill or take up a fun hobby (or build on ones you already have). Build up your self esteem and self worth. This isn't giving up on dating, but it will help you value yourself no matter how things are going on that front, and will help you be in a good place when you do meet someone who is compatible with you.

Generally speaking there are actually a lot of aces out there (even if you take the conservative 1-2% estimate, which is almost definitely underestimating, that's still over a thousand aces in any city with a population of 1 million or more. They can just be hard to find, but I have known a lot of aces who have successfully found ace dating partners and found good relationships, so remember it is possible.

We do absolutely need better ways of finding each other, especially for dating purposes. In the meantime though there are dating apps that let you give your orientation as ace, and seek out other aces, and there are communities around. As visibility increases, this is getting better though. So even if you try and date withing the ace community, you do still have options.

There are also allo people who aren't as big on sex, or don't mind going without or not having sex very often, though that can be like looking for a needle in a haystack because of societal expectations. But they do exist.

So try your best not to give up hope, and to keep trying to meet people. What you want is possible and something others have succeeded at too.

All the best, Anon! And good luck!

14 notes · View notes

fromchaostocosmos · 2 days

Text

Footage has emerged of Khymani James, a student at Columbia University and a leading figure in the ongoing "Gaza Solidarity Encampment" at the college, making incendiary statements—including "Zionists don't deserve to live"—during a video he appeared to have recorded in January. The video was unearthed by the Daily Wire, a conservative-leaning media outlet, after which James posted a statement on X, saying: "What I said was wrong. Every member of our community deserves to feel safe without qualification." On social media, James' resurfaced remarks have sparked a backlash from users, with one writing: "The internet lives forever. We know your true feelings. You are a clear and present danger to all people."

On April 17, students at Columbia University established a protest camp, dubbed the "Gaza Solidarity Encampment," to demonstrate against ongoing Israeli military operations in Gaza. Newsweek has contacted Khymani James and the Columbia University press office by X direct message and email, respectively, outside normal working hours. Thursday, the Daily Wire published a video of James making controversial remarks both during and after a virtual meeting with two Columbia University employees who expressed concern about earlier remarks he had made and indicated the matter could go to a disciplinary hearing.

In the statement James published after the footage went viral online, he said he regretted his remarks. He added: "I also want people to have more context for my words, which I regret. Far right agitators went through months of my social media feed until they found a clip that they edited without context. "When I recorded it, I had been feeling unusually upset after an online mob targeted me because I am visibly queer and Black."

Responding to James' statement, an X user wrote: "The clip is so egregious, you can't qualify it by saying 'well I felt bad and bad things were said to me.' Your statement also fails to say the word 'sorry.'" Another user commented: "What's up with pro Palestinians and their desire to kill? This is Khymani James, a leader of Columbia University's anti-Israel Gaza Solidarity Encampment. Just sick?" Earlier this week James organized a human chain to block a group of what he said were Zionists from entering the protest camp, urging protesters to take "one step forward" in unison and "push them out of the camp."

I'm very much do not like the Daily Wire and do not support their politics, philosophy, or views.

I do think, however, it is worthwhile to share the video they have of Khymani James statements. If there was another source that could provide this video I would use that instead of the Daily Wire, but unfortunately that is not the case.

Warning for antisemitism, Holocaust Inversion, and more.

Edit: (if anyone knows how to post it so the video plays directly in tumblr please either let me know or reblog this with that addition because ppl are more likely to watch it on tumblr then click the link, thank you)

#antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #holocaust inversion

10 notes · View notes

kienansidhe · 1 month

Note

Saw your tags on a post and wanted to mention that trans women having their bulge be seen as gross also isn't an exceptional experience. It's definitely more visible because they face hyper visibility, but bigots treat all trans people that way.

If you need a one to one many NBs who have a penis will have their bulge treated the exact same as trans women. For a different but comparable experience, people who pack have it treated as gross as well and it's assumed to be a sexual thing. Same thing with people who've had phalloplasty.

I've also seen cis gay guys treated that way too. It's "gross" and assumed predatory. Because the cisheteropatriarchy punishes any deviance from traditional masculinity and femininity, queer bodies are as a whole demonized and policed. And that means a lot of bulges are treated as inherently sexual, threatening, and gross by mainstream society.

You kind of ended up doing the exact thing the post was warning against, where you assumed X doesn't happen to Y group of people, and only Z group of people experiences that. It's something that's easy to do but I hope you'll be able to expand your knowledge of the topic with this and also consider future things more broadly. There are definitely a few experiences one group will have different than another, but there's also a lot more overlap than people think. And there are very few experiences that literally only one group has, even if the exact way people experience it might differ some.

thank you for your thoughts! i inhabit a transmasc body that has chosen to only partially transition, and i struggle a lot with moral ocd, so on this site where there r a lot of loud ppl saying that trans women / transfems have it the worst of anyone, while other people say that different trans ppls struggles are different but not better or worse, while trolls and bullies muddy the conversation constantly, i really have trouble figuring out whats what.

i kinda default to deferring to trans womens voices because i dont know what its like to be transfem, but like, of course different transfems say different things and not all can be right at the same time, so its very confusing! im very afraid of erring on the side of dismissing transmisogyny, i guess? and theres so many ppl on this site who jump at the chance to call any statement transmisogynistic that i am maybe putting 'ofc trans women have it worse' disclaimers in too many places? (this is NOT trans womens fault, i see this from every demographic and often most viciously from other transmascs.) like. not gonna lie, im very scared of people on social media lol.

im sorry if ive made people feel invalidated by the way i talk abt this stuff, especially since i feel invalidated a lot when ppl call transmascs transmisogynistic for talking abt transandrophobia/transmisandry? maybe i need to just stop commenting and listen more until i can comment more confidently and with less fear. i dont know? im open to input!

[edit: heres the post and my tags that anon is referring to]

#headspace #anon #asks

7 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 2 years

Note

Okay since we're on the topic of what is and is not kink and who kink is and is not for, can you provide any insight into the "kink at pride" discourse?

I've always been in the camp of "you can't disallow kink at pride because the line between kink and not-kink isn't clear cut, and malicious actors would use such a rule to harm certain people (usually GNC and trans ppl)" coexisting with "if you do something with the active intention to cause distress or harm then that is obviously bad but only you know your intentions". So a pretty neutral opinion that adds up to literally nothing changing lol.

But do you actually understand what was going on with this discourse? I don't get it. So much of it seems based on subjective judgements and unknowable intentions and broad assumptions.

What was going on with that discourse is simple in a lot of cases:

Fuckfaces took photos from the Folsom Street Fair, a historically significant kink event in my native Bay Area, and lied about what they were.

Fragile snowflakes on the internet cried about how they would now not be able to go to a pride parade because they'd have to see The Bad Sex People there. Pride is for babies in strollers, think of the children, waaaaah!

In reality, the images of people basically having BDSM sex in public are from events where you have to be an adult to even enter. If they appear to be out of doors on a public street, it's in a context where street access was being controlled.

There is no issue.

The Evil Public Sex People are a strawman that does not exist.

The actual thing that happens at queer-focused as opposed to kink-focused events is scantily-clad people engaging in PDA and over-the-top drag queens and that sort of thing. Pearl clutchers hate all of that. A few crybabies claim that it's somehow oppressing sex-repulsed asexuals. Most asexuals do not post this nonsense though. Pride is for the celebration of visible queerness, and obviously, some kinds of queer PDA are going to result.

Sometimes, a picture of some rando in a dog collar will get brought up to add fuel to the anti-kink side of things, but I really don't think arguments over fashion are at the heart of this: blatant lies about public sex in front of kids are.

There's a larger and long-term debate about how sanitized Pride parades have gotten as they've gotten more corporate sponsorship and as the focus of queer activism in the US has shifted from basic survival to marriage equality. In the 80s, the idea of people routinely taking little kids to Pride would have seemed a lot weirder than it does now.

How mainstream should we go and how much corporate sponsorship should we accept? Should we cater more to boring marrieds with kids or more to the radical and weird? How do we make queer spaces where we teach the Youth without insisting that all adult life be hamstrung and made teen-appropriate?

There's a great tumblr post around somewhere about the poster's experience thinking they knew about queer media because they were in Johnlock fandom and then being exposed to queer cinema and finding it a deeply uncomfortable experience because of the in-your-face sexuality, the dark themes, etc. Ultimately, they learned to love that kind of queer media and not just fandom m/m.

I think some of the more fandomy wings of the kink at pride discourse are largely culture shock. People come from what is essentially BL fandom, but they don't know that. They think of themselves as the dominant form of queer culture. And then they run into stuff that's seen as having more queer cred and not only do they not like it because it's a different aesthetic, but they feel offended at the implication that this and not BL is The Real Queer Art.

(And while I roll my eyes at The Youth crying about too-sexual art films or whatever, I do also think there's often a lot of gatekeeping about cis gay dude movies being Real Queer Art and BL being For The Straights.)

183 notes · View notes