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sombruhmoment · 3 years

Text

the correct ‘hottest character’ tier list

not actually please dont yell at me

E: Unavailable for ranking

Hammond + Winston; Animals

Bastion + Orisa + Echo; Naive, ‘childlike’ robots that just are not attractive.

D: Hot only to very specific people

Widow; My issue with Widow is she’s basic. I’ve seen this dozens of times. Her hotness is artificial - everything about her to shove in your face her hotness, and unless you’re a very meek lesbian or a weird creepy dude, she just isn’t that hot. She’s a gimmick. If she was more professional and less for show, she’d be higher.

Tracer; Yorkshire terrier. She’d be a great s/o and friend, but she’s not exactly hot. She’s plain jane. Only especially hot to very Jane Austen lesbians and again, weird creepy dudes.

Mercy; Boring. She doesn’t really have much personality in the media she shows up in beyond ‘angel’ and ‘tired’. The latter is the smallest portion of her character, but the most embraced. This is why she’s only hot in the fan portrayals of her in fic or art. She’s too plain and basic to be more than conventionally attractive.

Junkrat; He just ain’t, dude. Unless he’s your type, he isn’t hot. His personality doesn’t lend to his sex appeal, either. Very specific taste needed.

Mei; Only if you’re a butch lesbian or an even weirder dude. Very plain, but the body shape rep is nice. Her personality is probably only attractive if you’re into the same interests as her, or are familiar with your interests being shut down. This relationship will be a lot of gushing about fun science facts and god dang, you go you funky butch lesbians. Still not hot.

C: Boring + bad idea

Brig; She has a hotness factor from the muscles. She still is not hot because she is so plain. She is white bread incarnate. Her personality of sweet, ‘girl-next-door’ is appealing for a relationship, but she just isn’t that hot aside from her buffness.

Sigma; He’s often cited as one of the hotter guys, but is he, or do you just like the idea of cosmic horror? Is he hot, or do you want to be a monsterf*cker without actually commiting? He’s a traumatized Grandpa. He’s like an old, white man Mei. I’d go to the park with him and feed ducks. I would not canoodle.

Ashe; Like Widow, but more professional. She’s still boring, but at least the outfit makes her have some intrigue. Her story has the potential to make her more interesting, but let’s be real, she was only made as an attempt to stop the McHanzo shippers.

D.va; She’s fine. She’s just a young adult. Nothing much to say. Blizzard really wants you to think she’s hot, though.

Hanzo; Look. This man, no matter when you approach him, is in a crisis. Before meeting Genji, he’s stuck in the past. After, he’s gone full white girl reinvention. I wouldn’t be surprised if your hookup was a rebound. If you canoodle him, there will be strings attached. He will call you afterwards and ask if you happened to find one of his nipple piercings in your sheets. You’ll get text messages asking if you want to smoke a joint. He has no skill in this. Until he goes to therapy, wide berth. He’s hot, but the consequences and implications outweigh the good time.

B: A lil spice to ‘em

Torb; The personality is there. He’s a dilf. He’s a serious, but not without humor, haunted man who loves his family dearly. He gets made into a joke, but guys, this man would be a fan favorite if he wasn’t short.

Ana; She’s adopted the Grannie personality, which knocks her down a bit, but Ana is hot even as an older woman. Not my cup ‘a joe, but she oozes sarcasm and confidence. Also, strikes fear into the rich and corrupt? Hot.

Genji; He’s Hanzo, but after therapy. He’s got his ish together. He’ll treat you right. It’ll be the best relationship you’ve ever had because he’s so good at communication. But this isn’t about relationships. He’s hot because he’s vanilla. He’s a simple guy - and lets face it, a bottom. One of the plainer options, but still has some appeal to him with his maturity.

Zarya; Buff woman. Hot. Her personality isn’t for everyone, and her racism is...ugh...but c’mon. Look at her biceps. Look at them.

Moira; Will experiment on you in more ways than you expect. Androgynous, David Bowie. Not for the faint of heart. You’re definitely a lesbian or a femboy. Hot for her evilness. Not so hot for her nails. Not a good idea. Be careful.

Reinhardt; Big grandpa man. A gentle soul. Very loud. He’s hot for his confidence and voice. But, again, sooner feed ducks with him than anything else.

A: Hot

Sombra; Evil, intelligent, mischievous woman who is always one step ahead? Hot.

Doomfist; You are lying to yourself if you think he isn’t attractive. Jerk? No question. But listen to his voice. He’s classy, humorous, and very nicely muscled. Do not pursue a relationship under any circumstance, but look all you’d like.

Zen; Like Genji, but hotter because of the inherent controversy of canoodling a monk.

Soldier; Raspy voice, nice bone structure, haunted past, beefy but not too beefy. Kinda basic, but still appealing.

Roadhog; Voice. Voice. Voice. This man is hot. You are a coward. Dad bod x 10.

Lucio; Anarchist, fights corps, very kind and sweet. Lean muscle and fierce. Gentle and plays with kids. Cutie.

S: Hottest

Baptiste; Beefy, has some cake, romantic flirt, will take C A R E of you and make you breakfast. Look at him. Haunted past, muscles, nice voice, you KNOW he takes care of his nails and hygiene. Not just a good night, marry this man. Someone else will if you don’t. Hottest character in Overwatch.

McCree; Voice, dad bod, tanned, probably smells like smoke and sand. He’s a sweetie, but has some edge to him. A nice middle ground between Hot Evil and Hot Cute. Beard is definitely scratchy.

Pharah; Buff woman with a nice voice, cute sense of humor, and sense of loyalty and responsibility? Like a female Baptiste. Go get the ring. Now.

Reaper; Haunted past, claws, monster/inhuman, and that voice. Don’t pursue relationship. Casual meetups? Sure. Do not catch feelings, this isn’t a Wattpad story and you are not y/n, you will not change him.

Symmetra; She’s kinda confused but she has a good heart, good voice, and very nice legs. She’s dripping charisma and confidence, look at her. You are below her and that is quite an enjoyable experience. Would be a decent s/o, would have a lot to learn but she’d try her best.

#jesse mcree #overwatch #hanzo shimada #genji shimada #lena oxton #gabriel reyes #jack morrison #solider 76 #gangpost

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artobotsrollout · 3 years

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for the ask game, PROBABLY JUST AN OBVIOUS ANSWER but opinions on TFA bumblebee and TFP starscream? have a good day!💕

I will do TFA Bumblebee here not because I'm not touching TfP Starscream but because I got an ask with Starscream as a whole in my inbox and.... WELL YKNOW.....tfp Starscream being one of my absolute favs THAT MEANS I'M GOING TO BE GOING ALL OUT AND WRITING A REVIEW OF ALL THE SCREAMS I'VE SEEN SO FAR like Into the Starscreamverse cause I have zero chill djfejjd.

So that will be coming in due time and I'll tag you in the post as one of the askers for it once I finish it. (it's gonna be a little lot lengthier so it might take some time)

So until then imma rate

TFA BUMBLEBEE

Personal: (6/10)

Now usually when talking anything Bumblebee I'd refer you to my friend @optimistpax. They are P much my go to person for Bumblebee shit since their headcanons are absolutely on point for him and their headcanon Bumblebee is best Bumblebee.

BUT I have thoughts on some versions of Bumblebee INCLUDING TFA Bee

I love how feral Bee is in TFA and he was really solid at lightening the mood if things got heavy! But I think, on a personal preference level, I prefer it when Bumblebee is slightly more like a budding leader. He is a bit of an unapologetic rude boy in TFA which I'd enjoy more if we got more genuine regret and apologetic moments to help reinforce the bond with his team. AM I biased bc of the aligned continuity?! YOU BET!! Do I care that I'm not being Impartial? NOPE!

Also I hate that when we see Bumblebee in holoform he's like... Twelve. Give me a rude young man who is young at heart and causes problems... Honestly though his design is adorable and he made me laugh. I found him to be a fun character!

Design: (6/10)

Look at this funky little dude!

They took his G1 orb shape but made it work in a more modern style and with long LEG for SPEED. Love that.

His little cat face is super cute. He's pretty standard hero shaped but it works for him! His awkward, needs to grow into his arms and legs, feel I think works to kinda give him that young person with potential feel. I find it gives the feeling of a bot who needs to still grow a little bit into his armor which.. I really wish we could have seen addressed more narratively.

I dig the angular lines contrasting his rounded shape. Round bodied character designs tend to read as friendly but can be a challenge to be well integrated into characters that are speedy or do fighting yet it handled it well! I like this easy but smart combo to create a nice middle ground of angular and rounded friendly shapes.

The black and yellow is always a good eye catching combo!

Overall, while there is cleverness in his design, I find it to have a fairly generic hero silhouette (as far as robots can be) . But that's fine, It is what it was meant to be and it does it well! Nothing groundbreaking, but for Bee it doesn't need to be! It works for him. It's a cute, attention grabbing, solid, and reliable design!

Narrative Handling: (4/10)

I get the impression he's sorta a love or hate character for a lot of people since his antics, mixed with the unfortunate lack of a long lasting character arc, could get on one's nerves. I tend to like high energy characters so I found him really fun but I woulda loved to see his character explored further since he felt rather static. I believe there was a lot of setup with his insecurities about his height, measuring up, and lack of humility with very little follow through that stayed with him for more than a single episode. It's a shame really. I thought he had a lot of potential to grow as a character but lessons never seem to stick with him long yknow?

It sometimes felt like Bee didnt really learn the lesson or kinda brushed it off at times. One example of him seeming to be kind of distant is his relationship with Bulkhead! Bulkhead had some super sweet moments with Bee on his end but Bee kinda came off as a bit detached and not very connected on a deeper level with anyone in my opinion. He seemed to only be there for laughs but he could have been a lot more. The rest of the bots had arcs and grew as characters, albeit a bit rushed cause time constraints. Bee deserved some more love too!

The arc of: Bumblebee is small but makes up for it in his own unique mix of determination and idk... something that makes him strong in his own way was never really followed through but could have been so wonderful. The show didn't really give us many strengths of his to work with unfortunately to counter his self doubt and struggles. So it falls a little flat in my opinion.

Basically:

Bumblebee: *gets super insecure about his height, speed, w/e and trying to prove he's not the weak link*

The narrative: *constantly makes Bumblebee the weak link and doesn't give us much to prove otherwise. *

Don't get me wrong if you like TfA Bee thats A-okay! This is just my own casual opinion and memory of the show. I actually liked him! He was fun! I just don't think he had a narrative I could call really good. He filled his roles but I found that was about it. The roles being:

1. Comic relief

2. Someone for other characters to bounce off

But that's all just my own personal opinions on him. Bee had potential but fell short of feeling like a multidimensional character like other characters. He deserved more 😔

Also I apologize if my grammar is weird, I ramble, or repeat myself didn't get much sleep last night and my brain is foggy so my checking won't be at full capacity.

#Tfa #Bumblebee #Autothots answers #MY RAMBLINGS #Art nerding #Listen ya'll this is very personal opinion heavy so #Yee #YEAH I'M STILL DOING THESE #They are ending up a lot longer than I intended #SO THEY ARE TAKING LONGER #Oops

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firaknight · 3 years

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Follow up of Adeleines opinions on the helpers :) (stuff in parenthesis is the ability they have)

Blade Knight (Sword): 7/10 Mysterious little dude:

He’s cool! He’s kinda hard to understand at times (he’s got a thick accent, idk what kind), but he’s very nice! He’s got a lot of standards when it comes to swordsmanship and is very strong! He’s working on showing Adeleine the proper stances for sword fighting (it’s possible for her to emulate that style with her paintbrush, minus the cutting ability of a real sword).

Chilly (Ice): 9/10 Snowed Man!!

Snowed man friend!!!! He’s very serious about things but he’s a good friend! Only problem is he has to stick around Adeleines Ice Dragon drawing to prevent the poor guy from melting (they’re working on finding an eternal ice that won’t melt so he can stay cold!). He likes to make snow cones!!! (Which are hella good btw)

Bio spark (Ninja): 8/10 Speedy!!!

One of the fastest helpers around! They’re speedy, sneaky, and all around a mysterious little dude! They have a habit of showing up so quietly that nobody notices for a good couple minutes before they’re just like “I wasn’t even hiding I’ve been standing here this whole time.” Overall, odd but kind little friend!

Birdon (Wing): 7/10 Soft birdie!!!

They’re just a little birdie!!! Birdons probably the most carefree helper out of the bunch, and they like relaxing really high up (much to Adeleines dismay). They tend to make stuff out of the feathers they shed (and they shed very often), so they’re always giving friends bracelets, headgear, jewelry, and such made out of their feathers. Adeleine actually has a coat lined with their feathers and it’s SUPER warm! They’re a little strange (and Kawasaki keeps trying to cook them [see: Star Allies title screen skits]) but they’re a wonderful buddy!

Wester (Whip): 9/10 Yeehaw man!!!!

Dude is legit just a very small cowboy. He cannot help his smallness... He’s agile and absolutely has an accent when he talks. He’s a little chaotic, but has a good heart. Probably taught Adeleine how to mount and ride a grizzo just for fun. She’s got a cowboy hat he made for her!

Plugg (Plasma): 10/10 Old friend!

She’s known Plugg since Crystal Shards! The two are good friends and Plugg likes to paint with her! He’s got some... interesting ways of painting (sticking his entire face into paint and then running facedown on the canvas), but he’s a lovely friend! He likes to run around a lot tho, probably because he’s constantly generating electricity and needs to burn it off so it doesn’t overload him. Will absolutely charge electrical devices without a second thought.

Como (Spider): 6/10 Spider...

While they’re similar to Taranza, they have a lot more spider tendencies, and therefore kinda scared Adeleine. She’s tolerable of them (more so than Susie), but tries to keep her distance. They’re helpful and are very very very sweet!!! They just tend to do creepy spider things and it freaks her out...

Bugzzy (Suplex): 7/10 Massive bug dude

He’s like... huge. Closer to, if not taller, than Adeleines height. He has very sharp pincers on the front of his face, and they can be painful when used, so he either wraps them in bandaging or puts rubber caps over them! That way he can grab and hold friends without harm! He’s oddly cuddly and likes to carry people around (not neccisarily throwing them) in his pincers. Overall, big doofus bug who has lots of love.

Broom Hatter (Clean): 8/10 Clean freak

Literally cannot handle dirty shit. At all. Has the urge to clean everything. Perks are that they keep the base everyone hangs out in super duper clean! Adeleines taught them to draw and it helps them not want to compulsively clean everything. They make really pretty art!

Poppy Bros Jr. (Bomb): 9/10 Funky lad!

He’s got an older brother of the same name (Poppy Bros Sr.) and he’s a boss in training! One day he hopes to be just as good as his brother! Dude is ultra high energy (which is why he’s always hopping around) and tends to be a little obnoxious. They can’t entirely help it, they’re just energetic! They’ve taught Adeleine how to yeet explosives and she’s genuinely good at it!

Rocky (Stone): 7/10 He is literally just a rock

Sentient rock! He’s a little slow and can’t really talk, but he’s a buddy! He likes to just turn into his stone form and just sit like that. It’s comfy and feels like home to him. Will not hesitate to use himself as a step or a seat for someone if needed. He also gives everyone hes friends with a special rock! Adeleines has marbling to it and looks absolutely beautiful!

Waddle Doo (Beam): 8/10 Funky little man!

He’s got only one eye and therefore has poor eyesight. You’d think one eye would be better, but nope! He wears essentially one huge contact lens to help! They’re buddies with Parasol Dee and Bandee!!! Doo is on the calmer side of the group, and tends to not be so insanely high strung. He’s still a little anxious, but he’s better at covering it than the other. He hangs out with Wester sometimes (whip-like attack squad)

Chef Kawasaki (Cook): 2/10 Hes creepy and I don’t like him.

He has this weird... unsettling energy about him. He’s tried to cook both Coo and Birdon more than once and she genuinely doesn’t like being around him. He makes good food, which has stopped him from being a 0/10 in her book, but thats it. He’s only there because Kirby thought he’d be a nice addition and everyone knows that if Kawasaki crosses the line he will get booted on the spot. (Kirby has standards too!)

Gim (Yo-yo): 7/10 Hes just a robot huh.

He’s kinda strange, and doesn’t appear to have a lot of feeling, but Gims really nice! He likes to show people all the tricks he can do with his yo-yo (which is surprisingly a lot) and gives all his friends a yo-to so they can do the tricks along with him (Adeleines is teal with red and black stripes. It’s also got a couple paint splotches on it that we’re added on purpose).

Burning Leo (Fire): 8/10 Toasty heater child!

They’re small and warm!!! All the time!!! They like to be held and snuggle up to cold stuff because it’s the same feeling as snuggling up to warm stuff for humans. REEEEAAALLLYYY wants to hug Chilly but there is the very real possibility that Chilly will literally melt so he holds off from that. Adeleine tends to be cold and likes to hold Leo like a hot water bottle. He’s learned how to make his head fire harmless so people can hold him and not get burned!!

Driblee (Water): 9/10 Oh my god they’re adorable!

Sothisispartiallyjustmebecauseilovethewaterabilityimsorry They’re a little lizard mermaid! They adore swimming more than you’d think and hold pool parties!! They hang around Chilly because their water tends to be on the colder side and Chilly can use them to reform melted bits of Adeleine can’t get Ice Dragon to do it. They’re actually made entirely out of water! They can literally transform back into water by going into water. This also means that they can conform to spaces not meant for them like bottles and containers. They like to make drinks for people since the water they use for attacking is some of the cleanest water out there! (It also tastes super fucking good)

Bonkers (Hammer): 7/10 Kinda scary...

He’s big, taller than Adeleine (especially if he stands fully upright), and has an intimidating look, but he’s all bark and no bite! Dude is literally just a ball of sunshine! He likes to carry people around and will 100% shield someone from attacks (he’s sturdy!!!). He’s helping Adeleine with her strength because she’s fragile and a little scrawny and he’s all muscle (shes gotten a lot better!). Shes got her own lightweight hammer he lets her use so she can get a little stronger!

Sir Kibble (Cutter): 9/10 Smol knight!

He cannot help his size... but he’s tough! He also has no fucking braincells and does not think but he’s a good boy! He likes to headbutt people but his helmet poses a problem (it literally has a blade attached to it) so he puts a padded pool noodle over it to protect others (the padding is so the noodle doesn’t get chopped from the blade itself when force is applied). He’s just a little dude with no thoughts... head empy...

NESP (ESP): 4/10 They talk too much and know stuff about me that I never told them.

Strange and not very cool :( They have a tendency to read other people’s minds because they purposefully don’t tune their thoughts out and therefore know a lot of stuff they really shouldn’t. They also don’t know how to keep their mouth shut. Thankfully they’re just funky from psychic power and on a good day they’re kinda nice to be around!

Vividria (Artist): 10/10 THATS MY ADOPTED SISTER!!

They’re siblings. Drawcia adopted Adeleine as one of her own and that makes Vividria her sis! They paint together and Vividria kinda sticks up for Adeleine in more dicey fights because of Adeleines low HP. They’re the bestest of friends and are super cool with one another! She’s still growing and is one day gonna reach Drawcias size!! (If we put it into normal heights [Adeleine being 5’3” and Kirby being 1’8”] Drawcia is over double Kirby’s height. Probably closer to 3-4 feet)

Parasol Waddle Dee (Parasol): 9/10 Oh my god they’re just a smol friend...

Dee is literally almost as high strung and anxious as Bandee but they’re so sweet!! They like rain!! They also give parasols to all their friends! (Adeleines is teal with paint splotches!) They tend to nap a lot and will totally join cuddle piles. On hot days they’ll utilize the chumbrella as a big shade for everyone in the nap pile. Just a squishy little dee!!!!!

Knuckle Joe (Fighter): 10/10 Hes super supportive and nice!

He saw how fragile Adeleine was and said “aight so I may not be a master but I’m gonna teach this kid how to fight” and didn’t wait for any objections. Once a week he goes out into the forest with Adeleine and shows her how to fight like him! Physical combat is important!!! She can’t fire off energy blasts or deal lightning speed punches, but she’s getting there! He’s ultra supportive of everyone and loved to teach people stuff!!! He care about everyone!!!!

Beetley (Beetle): 8/10 Why is he so angy!!

Always grumpy. He says it’s because he keeps losing to Bugzzy but it’s just because he’s super small and gets picked up like a burger all the time (if you didn’t wanna be held like a burger don’t be burger shaped idiot). Isn’t aggressive but will headbutt people with the blunt end of his horn when he’s being extra grouchy. Adeleine likes picking him up because he gets all stiff like a ferret (when you pick them up and they stick their feet’s up all stiff).

Jammerjab (Staff): 9/10 Funky but fun!

Was originally really wary of them because of the whole Void Termina thing and their assosciation with the bad guys wasn’t a good thing but they’re super cool! They’re graceful and like to stand on their staff a lot. They also help the smaller helpers get stuff up high (they themselves are small but their staff can extend a lot so they can use that for extra height). They let Adeleine use their staff and she’s not that good at it (she always whacks herself in the face while trying to use it) but it’s a nice gesture! They know a lot about the Jambastion and like to tell people all the wacky secrets it holds (like how Hyness has an entire room full of just robes that all look the exact fucking same or how theres a specific set of hallways that move and change to get trespassers lost in them). Honestly a fun little guy to be around

#fira makes braincells #fira knight screeches #can you tell I really fucking hate Kawasaki because I do #bitch has 3 moves and only 1 of them is good he sucks ass #aside from that Adeleine likes almost everyone!#the Dees are all just like Tuter (with Bandee being the most like him)#The helpers also like giving people stuff!!! Adeleine has an entire cabinet full of gifts from them!!!!!!#They’re just baby and small (with the obvious exceptions)#anyways HERE IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!#OH and these are just the ones from Star Allies because she probably only meets those helpers #maybe others??? I’m not sure yet #but she def meets all the Star Allies helpers

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ziracona · 3 years

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hey zira, what are your hot takes on all of the fo4 companions?

Haha, I don’t know how hot they are, but I can give you a speed run! (Also I am very excited to get this. FO4 was the first open world game I ever played and just the concept of that and the hugeness of the world and branching story & sudden feeling changes towards me in companion characters totally blew my mind, & it still lives rent free in my heart).

Ada, Old Longfellow, and Strong I /still/ haven’t maxed despite having too many hundred hours to want to list on this game—the former bc they were DLC, Strong because honest to god I left him at a nice settlement and then completely forgot about him and remembering that I am the energy in this Ryan O’Flanagan video but abt leaving my super mutant in a tiny settlement alone. I will get there! To max affinity I mean. But anyway, I don’t truly know those three, so my takes are incomplete. So far though, I really like Ada. She is a good girl just trying her best. Fucks me up I can tell her to self destruct. Even though I feel sure she would ignore me, I cannot imagine ever saying that to her. It was really sweet she was willing to forgive the Mechanist and move on with her life. A good girl. Longfellow I am maxing rn (was last time I played anyhow). I enjoy him. Gruff grumpy old man but he seems quite decent and I like his idle banter and when he sings to himself a lot. Seems like he’s had it rough. Strong I liked. He’s wild, and I loved how insane meeting him was, and am worried about him eventually understanding poetry and how that might mess up his sense of world understanding. But he’s a chill dude in his own way and I am glad they gave us at least one nice super mutant.

For the companions I actually do know like the back of my hand, the speedrun:

Nick Valentine: Best man on earth. One of two fictional characters I ever called husband. I would die kill or live for him. I want to be 1/4th the man Nick Valentine is. One of the best characters ever period and I adore literally everything about him. It fucked me up early in game where right after he offered to basically risk destroying his mind to help a stranger look for her son, he asked me how I was doing. First character in the entire game to do that. His first companion dialogue is abt how you’re doing TuT. The man is very kind and forgiving and fair, but knows when the draw the line and take no shit. Emotionally mature, kind, caring, longsuffering. Incredibly damaged and broken by life, but holding on and living kindly and to help others anyway. One of the four most marryablen fictional men I’ve ever seen.

Preston Garvey: Brave, kind, sweet man. I would defend him with my life. He really just wants so bad to make the world better and life has been so hard, but he’s still trying. A beautiful and underrated companion and I would throw hands for him on sight. I adore how he whistles. A true and gentle and loyal friend. Take him to Quincy and let him get his justice it’s what he deserves. People who hate him because he tries to get help helping civilians in that game are weak. I love him so much... please give him enough time to reach max affinity he’s so worth it.

Deacon: *To the tune of You Are My Dad* You are my friiiiend! You’re my friend! (Boogie woogie woogie). Initially, he pissed me off bc he lies all the god damn time, but after we got close enough he actually trusted me, he stole my heart and I would also die for Deacon. He’s a really good person who thinks he’s shit because of who he was on his past. Also him 🤝 Preston: massive survivor’s guilt. They should be friends. Poor Deacon has been the last member of the Railroad like four times, and it’s awful. Help him. Give him love and support. He’s one of my all time faves. Also, Railroad hands down best faction and if you kill them for any reason other than like a walkthrough route video and I ever get the chance I would 100% clock you in the face as hard as I can, like going for losing teeth, and feel no guilt. I know it’s a game and that’s wrong, and I’d be wrong, but I’d still do it. Also, Ryan Alosio (his VA) saw me do cosplay for Deacon once and told me it was great and it filled me with even more love. Anyway Deacon is great. Also, his whole “There are other organisations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it.” Is one of the like, two most iconic quotes in all of FO4 & just super good in general.

Hancock: Hardcore badass man but also a good dude and a champion for the people. Man really puts his money where his mouth is and you gotta respect that; another favorite companion for sure. Big fan of the way he stabs a guy for you upon meeting, and is a cool leader who organized his crime and does a decent job actually leading. He works hard to help people and bites back hard. Social justice advocate, dangerous man about town, not afraid to cosplay a revolutionary war hero 24/7 & u gotta respect the no fucks given attitude. A chill dude. Like that he fights the institute, hates the Brotherhood, helps the Railroad, and is friends with Nick. He’s legit af. Also, his VA gives a different answer every time someone asks him about the voice he did for hancock and they’re funny af.

Piper Wright: A cool spunky lady. Lois Lane on the case, kicking butt, and taking name. She’s nice but also hardcore and smart, supportive, fun. A good person. You always get points if you like Nick (which most companions do), and they’re good friends. She’s funny and I love her. A good heart.

Codsworth: He’s great. He’s family. He’s like my...weird brother. Getting to max affinity is heartwarming and also makes my heart go :’-] . Great early-game companion bc he kicks ass and doesn’t need stims to heal. I love getting called by my name and think that was a great feature (well, my PC’s name). He’s a wonderful funky little robot dude and I am so glad he likes me.

Dogmeat: Amazing. A good boy. Doggo of the year. His actor deserved the game award she won. Cute, full of love, and plays with a teddy bear if you give him one. 100/10z

Cait: I like her a lot. She’s been through so much shit, and it makes sense she is how she is. I like they actually gave her an emaciated and messy (though still pretty) design, since she is a drug addict. And that they make her main quest about taking that seriously and wanting to get help, and that she’ll call out the player if they fuck around and do drugs in front of her after she gets rehabilitated. Her relationship to the PC if good is really sweet, and I am a fan. I like that while she’s not sympathetic to synths and thinks they aren’t people, she forgets that every time Nick walks into a room and is like “Oh hey Nicky : )”. She’s a good girl who has been through a lot and still needs time to heal and find herself, but she’s making great strides.

Robert Joseph MacCready: Human disaster (loving). Homeboy a goddamn /mess/ but I love him. He tries so hard to be cool. I love he makes you pay him to come with, then chickens out and gives it back lol. A fool ball of anxiety and bad decisions and what he thinks brovado is. I wish he, Preston, and Deacon would quit fighting, bc I am always like “ :’-] </3 Boys Please” when they swap out, but I love them just the same. He’s doing his best, he’s just stupid and a fool. Like Philip J Fry. Keeping his goddamn soldier toy, which somehow is listed as junk instead of sent to Misc with quest items where it would be fine, safe?parylizes me with fear. I’ve lost 2 hours of gameplay reloading an old save bc I accidentally lost it.

X6-88: A more complex one to answer about. He’s bad, but like, I’m pretty sympathetic to how he got that way. He was created in a lab and had his emotions mostly dragged out of him in intense psychologically damaging training so he would be a weapon and view himself as an object. I was relieved he chose me over the institute even if he wasn’t a fan of the chocie, and think that means there’s a lot of hope for him. Wish he’d chill the fuck out and quit intimidating civilians for 6 god damn seconds, but I like him. I bring him fancy lad snack cakes home from travels all the time, bc Synths are supposed to like them. Really like that he’s the /most/ sympathetic companion towards Danse in Blind Betrayal, even though he should not be programmed for that, and Danse hated him and made it clear any time they interacted.

(EDIT) Curie: I FORGOT HER BABY IM SO SORRY. I like Curie a lot, despite the fact I temporarily forgot she existed. I stg I thought she was in here. Uhhh, okay. Curie: like her character and personality, HUGE un-fan of both the way her desire to get a synth body is to be ‘more real,’ as if Codsworth isn’t a fully realized person while the same robot type she is, instead of just like. Because it would make her happy. ALSO hate how much of a Born Sexy Yesterday she is, even intentionally in not-determinate affinity talks. It’s gross. But her herself, I like a lot. She’s my daughter and I will protect her. She works at The Castle right now as their on-site medic.

Paladin Danse: I know I’m gonna take heat for this but honestly? He didn’t do much for me. I like that he looks and sounds kinda like Buzz Lightyear, and that’s fun, but idk at all why people think he’s so hot. He’s very boring & generic looking to me. Like you’re valid! Taste all be different. But he doesn’t do it for me personally in looks or personality. I don’t at all like, hate him. Or even dislike. Tbh I am fairly neutral on him. It was funny making affinity with him though. Every other companion I had maxed, I liked more and more with each affinity talk. They’d be like “So my dad was a minuteman and died and I want to honor him” or “I just want to really feel like I’m a person, for real, myself, and I am glad I met you, because the good we have achieved together is ours, even if I can’t be sure of anything else,” or “My brother threw the cultural minorities out of our city for clout bc the rich citizens were all racist, and I tried to help—I snuck them food to the unsafe ruins they set up in for weeks, but eventually, they just vanished, and I still bear immense guilt and self-hatred over not having stopped that.” And Danae’s would be like “One time a buddy of mine got kidnapped by super mutants. They turned him into one of them, and they’re all abominations, so I killed him and it made me really sad.” And I was just like “...Oh danse. I really wanted to like you more. But what the fuck.” His relationship to Haylen is sweet though. And ofc I saved him in Blind Betrayal. I blew up the Prydwin so he’s safe now too, and he lives in the garden by my house and tells me how glad he is we’re friends, and I’m p into that. Overall, my feelings on him are not strong at all though.

Porter Gage: Not a fan. Like, I appreciated he helped me kill the old boss, sure. And bc I owed him for that, I went to max affinity to see what there was to him as a person. And like, as far as raiders go, he was okay. But he wasn’t deeply sympathetic, and he’s a slaver, and if you try to liberate the slaves he and the others own, he /will/ turn on and attempt to murder you immediately, no matter how close you were, so he made his choice, and it was to be a bad person and an asshole to the last. Really enjoyed the VA’s work a lot on him tho.

And there you have it 👈👈😎. Thanks for asking!

#ask #anonymous #fallout 4 #fo4 #god I love them so much. I was really proud I kept all the OGs too. everyone but Gage. who had to go but it’s his own choice and fault 🤷🏻‍♀️#GOD far harbor was a good dlc. it’s like the main quest choice again but way more condensed and twice as f ked up. my poor MC had only #come to terms just before with all the lives she took & started healing #doing bad things she did not want to do & knew he would know about and think less of her for doing. but she did them. 😔 bc of course she did #then she had to choose between letting the dude she loved be hurt in a way he wouldn’t recover from & torpedoing her relationship to him by #she loves Nick and if it’s him or her it’s always gonna be her #I was SUFFERING. a lot. but I also loved it #don’t come into my inbox and clown about liking Danse please or Gage. idc at all #like you are welcome to your opinion I’m not gonna try to convince you /not/ to like him. plz do me the same courtesy & respect my right to #have an opinion u may not like

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the-marty-mcfly-timeline · 6 years

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Gay Scale of Pop Punk™️

Palaye Royale: 1. On the scale, probably not super gay but definitely thinks about shirtless Brad Pitt a fucking lot, but like doesn’t everyone? Right? Probably says “I’m not gay, but if I was...”. Like a straight person could create that aesthetic out of pirates, red and My Chemical Romance. Takes Queer Eye advice to heart. Could be a 5 if they admitted they’re not straight.

Panic! At the Disco: 2. Not as gay as they claim. They used to be super gay. Basically Ryan was the gayest one and everyone else just went with it. Probably loves Fight Club, but not because of Brad Pitt. It gave them a gun kink which they hide by dressing like circus freaks. Chuck Palahniuk is their gay culture. Has been through every type of phase. Loves the 70’s and just wants a chill weed hippie vibe but needs to stay relevant. Watched Rocky Horror once. Now they're just sad and alone and trying not to OD. Partying and cheap suits.

Arctic Monkeys: 3. Not really gay but somewhat bicurious. Edgy but now he looks like the old dude from Glow. Seriously considered the 70’s weed dealer look for like a week. Makes shit up for views. Dances like a dad. Clock Work Orange gays, it gave Alex Turner a crime kink which he hides through alternating leather, denim and suits

All Time Low: 3.5. Not inherently gay but also the weird place where bisexuality and Bi-curiosity start to be the same. Supports the hell out of lesbians. “Hold my beer while I jump off the roof” culture. Hurt deeply and drowning but in a chill way. Still calls things “Gucci”, doesn’t know what the “Gucci gang” is but still uses it even though Urban Dictionary didn’t tell them. #Squad

Weezer: 4. Bi culture. Sad weed smoking and being awkward. Whoops my girlfriends a lesbian. The end part of Undone when they're both singing two different parts of a song that has no definable pronouns. Also, rarely any pronouns in their songs. Thank God For Girls is solidarity

Metro Station: 4.5. She Likes Girls is so good and they're true allies. Shake It goes super hard y'all are just cowards

The 1975: 5. Doesn't define their sexuality but very clearly loves girls. "One Direction paved the way for the Beatles". Their goal in life is Harry Styles. Palaye could very clearly beat them out if they just admitted Dr. Frank N Furter turned them on

Black Kids: 6. Im Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You was so much solidarity between her and her brother. Seriously. It was in Jennifer’s Body too. Plus it was 80's synth pop

Cobra Starship, The Academy Is... and Gym Class Heroes: 7. Yeah like a fuckin straight person wrote Snakes On A Plane. Hot Mess is gay culture and so is One Day Robots Will Cry,, Gabe Saporta is doing so good now,, baby boy and evil. Travie McCoy is such a good guy I fucking trust him so much he can do anything. William Beckett? Y'all even heard His Guy Friday, plus that song he did with Ryan Ross? Him as a person tho? Most non-triumphant, he can’t sit with us

Fall Out Boy: 8. Definitely gay. Has admitted they’re bi, but still very attached to one romance for 10 years. Parties but sad parties you reminisce about for a long time. Probably would not be wearing a shirt or pants if those were not required to enter Pizza Hut. Ate weed and eyeliner one time. Pretends to be a cool chic edgy person, but in reality still a gremlin.

Paramore: 9. Sad, misses the 80's back when they weren't alive. Sad lesbian and sad queer friends culture. Misery Business is a boyfriend stealing anthem for everyone. Just wants things to be okay. Bubble gum, neon punk culture at its core. Futch culture for guys, gals and nb pals. Never had a solid hair color for more than 10 minutes. A mess but a cool funky superb one. If Tan France would wear it then it’s good enough for them.

My Chemical Romance: 10. Red eye shadow is for the gays. There is no way a straight person has those kinks, that aesthetic and fucking wrote those albums. Gerard Way probably went down on Bert McCracken and hates his dad. The Used is also in this category, but that’s more of a horny sad gay, rather than a muderous one

Green Day: 11. Y'all I shouldn't even have to explain. Green Day is gay as hell just like everything else Billie Joe Armstrong does. Also, piss kinks. Billie is a dumb butch and his wife is such a fucking goddess. Dookie is bi culture. Has 40 different versions of something but only uses the same one.

The Killers: 12. Transcends the scale, but keeps it on the down low. Has had so many failed straight relationships even tho they know they’re gay, they just can’t let go of the past. It’s laughable to think Andy You’re A Star, Bones, Mr. Brightside, Somebody Told Me and Where the White Boys Dance are heterosexual in anyway. Falls in love with the worst people. Makes bad decisions about who they fall for and fully accepts it. Had one dramatic thing going that ended in prison and won’t admit that they haven’t loved since. Is so tired, and just wants to stop running but can’t commit to anything. Knows how every past relationship failed and exactly how they could fix it but that’s not happening ever. The American Dream ruined them too, but in a different way where they’ve always been disappointed and hollow.

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i-am-avacado · 5 years

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Speech and Body Language: A Guide to the Sides-Logan

Logan:

-FIRST, SPEECH. Logan is not a robot. Yes, he is a proper upright sort of dude, but he is not a robot. His speech does not lack emotion and neither does his body language. Compared to those like Patton and Roman, of course he’s less expressive. But he is still expressive. He has what I like to call “proper inflection” which basically means he speaks the way you’d expect an english teacher to speak, whereas those like roman and patton and thomas emphasize different words for different effects.

-roman: “OH, that would be the most EPic THIING!”

-patton: “You are perfectandspecialjustthewayouare, I dont care,, how dark your clothes are….you shine,,,,,bright like a DIAmond!”

-and logan, compared: “I’ve been doing some thinking on this magical sorting system, this erm...dobby decimal system.”

-See that last line i threw in there to made this transition? Even when he is making a pun, he adds no extra emphasis besides a small pause. But that pause was enough to emphasize what he wanted to emphasize--the pun. While patton will emphasize his puns with inflection, giggles, and smiles. Logan talks quickly, a lot, and gets right to the point. He uses a normal amount of inflection that works for him, what he deems is enough to get his point across. His sentences aren’t overly complicated, but they are more complex than, say, Virgil’s. He is smart, and he does like showing it. “I don’t think I’m smarter than everyone else. I know I’m smarter than everyone else.” you funky little pretentious man, you. I love you. He avoids contractions when hes aware of them, but he still uses them a lot, as with…..any human person.

-he is so literal it hurts and i love it so much, hes like colonel mustard from the movie clue. When im writing, i try at least once in a story to say something that logan takes literally, hes not one for metaphor. “Let’s look at the bigger picture” as in he was actually looking at the picture in thomass room. Instead of bigger picture, the metaphor, he uses “matter at hand”.

-NEXT, BODY LANGUAGE. I would also like to say here that logan is not a robot. He is an expressive, lovely little boy and i love him so so much.

-watching his expressions, i have noticed some key things: hands on the hips, arms half crossed (one crossed over his chest, one hand under the chin or gesturing), ONE hand on one hip, the other arm gesturing, adjusting glasses, adjusting tie, glancing around, eye rolling, rapid blinking, opening and closing of the fists, pursing of the lips, and clicking of the tongue. He is very closed off, but not in the way virgil is. Crossing the arms and putting the hands on the hips is a very closed off form of body language. He doesn’t shrink in on himself though, he stands straight, with his head tilted upward just the tiniest bit, because he has an ego. He literally looks down on the others.

-his gestures are pointed. He never makes gestures for gesture’s sake. He makes a lot of gestures, yes, but when he does, it’s always towards someone (not including adjusting of the tie and glasses, those are more nervous/annoyed ticks to me). He uses them to guide his listeners through what he is trying to say. Like he’s packaging what he is saying in careful paper and handing it to you gently to unwrap and let sink in.

-that being said, when he gets emotional, his gestures increase significantly. He shifts his feet, he looks around, he blinks really fast, purses his lips, and most of all, he adjusts his glasses and tie. When he gets excited, he looks around a lot as well, and shifts back and forth on his feet quickly (I Was In a Disney Show). His smiles are not rare, but are not constant. His smiles are confined, but when he does, its magicaaaaaaal. He smiles with teeth which makes my heart soar. And when he wants to be? He’s the most extra boy of all of them (“flames on the side of my face. WE GET IT. YOURE ADORABLE”). This shows to me that he controls his behavior most of the time, very much on purpose, but it shows through in times of high emotion.

TLDR; Logan is more expressive than virgil but less expressive than patton or roman. He speaks with normal inflection and uses gestures to convey a point rather than using them uselessly, except when he gets emotional. He is not one for metaphors and often takes things literally. He speaks properly because he likes to show he is smart but thats also because he is smart, so of course he would speak like an english teacher. He is amazing and i love him.

Roman

Patton

Virgil

#logan sanders #sanders sides #writing fairy #avacado speaks

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thebibliomancer · 6 years

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #160: ... The Trial!

June, 1977

So here we are once again. Some doofus in a mask who once fell on his own scythe versus the Avengers and also he beats the Avengers. That must sting.

Actually, I was prepared to dislike this issue because Grim Reaper and because the kind of overused trial plot but actually hey, stay tuned. Despite this post lacking any dials whatsoever.

So last time: Wonder Man came back to life and its a mystery and Vision has been feeling the robo-angsts about it. The Avengers recently got their asses kicked by a statue and a dick named Graviton and were played for fool chumps by Attuma and Doom. And also Vision and Wonder Man threw down because punching is easier than talking.

They’ve had a bad time of it, is what I’m basically saying.

This time: some Avengers take off early to avoid the menacing, glinting scythe that somehow got through the Avengers’ lackluster security.

Maybe Gyrich has a point in the future, even if he is an incredible dick about it.

But to be serious: Iron Man is taking Whizzer back to the hospital. I was about to comment on how his plot line just got dropped but Shooter at least remembers to tie it up loosely.

Whizzer complains that they didn’t call him to help with Graviton, Iron Man rebuts that Dude You Have A Heart Condition, thinks himself a secret hypocrite for fighting so much crime with a heart condition.

Yellowjacket and Wasp head back to Pym’s lab because Hank wants to specifically improve Yellowjacket’s powers. Doesn’t even consider improving Wasp’s powers though.

Which is interesting, sorta. I’ve been omitting the letters in the back when they do show up because I’m not sure how interesting ‘hey look at what this fan said decades ago’ is. I’m sure there is interest to be mined there, looking at fan reaction, contrasting it to my own. But I also usually end posts in a natural feeling way and including the letters would interrupt my funky flow. But to get to the point: someone wrote in suggesting that Hank give Wasp a power boost so she can actually start to matter in fights more. So its interesting to see this reflected in-comic with Hank going ‘nope my powers.’

Anyway.

Thor carries Cap back to SHIELD HQ but has some private concerns about how long he’s been absent from the Avengers and how he wishes he could stay longer. A perplexement indeed since it seems like its maybe been a couple days since the new roster. Something is going on here.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Beast is in a bit of a mood. He wishes he could have someplace to go that isn’t the mansion.

Everyone else Doesn’t Get It, remarking that the mansion isn’t a bad place to be stuck. Wanda and Vision even have a recently rare cute couple moment about it, Wanda declaring that anyplace is great if she’s with Vision and Vision responding without bemoaning and tearing his shirt over what a fakey fake boy he is.

And Beast remembers his time on the X-Men, a perhaps more successful time.

The plot thread of Beast not knowing his place on the team hasn’t gone away. Although, for a while, his predilection for disguise has.

So he loudly announces he’s going to go clean up the lab because hey if he can’t be a vital part of the team during battles, he may as well be the janitor.

And then he’s instantly blasted through the wall. Everyone’s a critic, I suppose.

The Avengers rush in to the lab and Black Panther switches on the light to reveal...

GRIM REAPER! This isn’t a surprise because he was on the cover and also his scythe was on the splash.

But here’s the interesting thing.

Wonder Man was never told about his brother and his silly hat. But he recognizes Grim Reaper’s voice.

So Grim Reaper gets a dramatic unmasking moment and gets to say “I AM YOUR BROTHER!”

Alas, its three years too early for Wonder Man to appropriately respond ‘THATS NOT TRUE THATS IMPOSSIBLE!’

Also, Eric “Grim Reaper” Williams looks kind of like crap. He has a kind of haggard face and a scar over one eye that is somehow not visible when he has the mask on despite the mask having a little room around the eyes.

Vision and Black Panther recap the previous Grim Reaper events for Wonder Man.

And cute couple moment dashed because when Vision says he’s an artificial boy with Simon’s brain patterns, Wanda tries to tell him that he’s not just a machine and he tells her to shut up.

Rude.

Anyway, Vision logically points out the logic that Grim Reaper should have no beef with them anymore. Look, your dang brother is alive.

Grim Reaper: “I WILL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT!”

Ffs, man.

Beast comes to and has lost nearly all of his humors because he is just sick and tired of being useless on this team when he was the strong dude on the X-Men. So he just rushes straight at Grim Reaper and gets his ass reclobbered. And then its time for fight.

But Wonder Man hesitates. Eric is his asshole brother. He can’t fight him!

Scarlet Witch can though and attacks with the power of explosions. Which Grim Reaper (not joking) scythe helicopters over. He then blasts Scarlet Witch, Black Panther, and Beast with some kind of attack that instantly puts all three in a coma.

Hax. Too op. Plz nerf.

Vision, of course, gets super nettled about Wanda being hurt but Grim Reaper has studied every detail of Vision’s construction and has an attack that puts him down instantly too.

Possibly sonic? There are concentric circles. And sonics have proven effective against Vision before.

And then he turns his scythe on Wonder Man and blasts him, although apologetically.

There’s darkness, as if to represent the passage of time during unconsciousness.

Then the Avengers all wake up at their conference table, with special manacles specially attuned to their molecular makeup and designed to cause ludicrous pain in case of contempt of court.

And we get to see two more of the chair logos!

Scarlet Witch has a stylized W for Witch but I can’t help but notice that it is also her tiara thing upside down and now have to wonder if that was always supposed to be a W. Although upside down would be an M. For mutant? Costume design, you are an enduring mystery.

Vision has his diamond but I’m pretty sure we saw that one before.

And Black Panther has a cute little kitty cat. So he wins.

Anyway, as implied by the cover the theme of Grim Reaper’s emotional turmoil for today is a trial.

He will be playing the prosecuting attorney slash inquisitor. Black Panther will arbitrarily play the defense counsel.

I have to wonder why Black Panther but the other options are Scarlet Witch, who may be slightly biased, and Beast who Grim Reaper doesn’t really know. So I guess that makes sense.

And the name of the game is:

Grim Reaper: “Two men cannot share my brother’s identity! One of them must die!”

So Grim calls Vision to the stand. Which is a chair that Grim Reaper has pulled away from the table to represent a the stand. Because he is committed to this farce.

On the cough cough ‘stand’ Vision recaps his origin: created by Ultron, well actually, adapted from the original robot Human Torch and given the brain-waves of Simon Williams because programming is hard.

So because his personality is derived from Simon Williams’ brain waves, he is in many ways somewhat like the original deal. Although they don’t here explain those similarities.

In Kurt Busiek’s run, where we revisit many of these robo-angst plot points, its revealed that Vision and Simon have very similar tastes in music and literature and women. The last one is the real sticking point.

Anyway, Grim Reaper threatens to destroy Vision if he’s just a mechanical mockery of his brother. Oh and then he reveals that once Vision accepted Grim Reaper’s offer to steal Captain America’s body, which Vision has to confirm that yes he said yes to the offer.

Which is clearly evidence that Vision is Grim’s real brother because he felt a right to a human body even at the expense of a teammate. BUT ALSO: remember how Vision protected Grim Reaper from a deadly Hydra attack? LIKE A TRUE BROTHER???

So is the supposed “Wonder Man” merely an imposter that Vision is trying to shield from Grim’s wrath? YOUR WITNESS BLACK PANTHER.

This line of questioning is dumb because it is finally revealed in this issue who was behind the resurrection of Wonder Man. Spoilers: Its Grim Reaper.

Anyway, Black Panther first objects that any Avenger would act to preserve life, even if that life is Grim Reaper life.

Although, this is not the whole truth. At the time, Vision revealed that because Grim Reaper may be his brother kinda, he felt the need to protect him sorta. It was vague and not entirely logical. Like Vision himself.

Black Panther cross-examines Vision and asks why he agreed to Grim Reaper’s mad body-swapping scheme. And Vision reveals, as the issue at the time revealed, that he was just playing along so Cap could ambush Grim Reaper.

Grim Reaper seems confused by this, almost like he didn’t remember Cap and Vision kicking his ass.

Also, Black Panther burns him almighty.

He also says that Vision won’t fit into the role that Grim Reaper wants to cast him. Vision is his own man, taking his life into his own hands. Why he has even taken a wife.

Which seems an AH HA moment for Grim Reaper because his brother would never marry a mutant! Because Grim Reaper is a bigot in addition to being weirdly fixated on his brother.

Meanwhile, Wonder Man is off to the side trying to ignore the crush he has on Wanda.

I joke, he’s really off to the side flummoxed that his brother is doing all this. But he does have feelings for Wanda at some point. Supposedly he was attracted to her even before he died (when?? when did he ever meet her?) and that formed the basis for Vision’s own interest in her. But that’s a dumb retcon.

Anyway, Grim Reaper calls Wonder Man to the stand/chair.

And Wanda asks Vision what he’s playing at when Grim Reaper may kill him. But Vision says he’s not Simon Williams and if that’s a crime, well he guesses he’ll die. But better he die for not being Simon Williams than Simon Williams suffer a second death for not being Simon Williams.

So now its Wonder Man’s turn to sit in the chair and recap his backstory. Recruited by the Masters of Evil when he was at his lowest point, made swole with ionic power and used as a traitor against the Avengers.

But it wasn’t the Avengers who killed him! To Grim Reaper’s apparent shock. He seems really clueless of a lot of things, actually.

Wonder Man died after turning on Zemo. And seems to think he got blasted for it. But it was really that Zemo didn’t give him the cure. I mean, that was the plot, right?

Then the ‘corpse’ was kept in a special preservative coffin but was stolen (by Grim Reaper). Then ??? and then he was delivered as a zombie (wait we can say that now?) to the Avengers’ front step in a big crate. The Avengers tracked down a voodoo priest called Black Talon and Scarlet Witch kicked his ass but Zombie Wonder Man still walked. And began to feel and think and remember. And by the time the Avengers were fighting Living Laser and the Serpent Crown and Nuklo and all that nonsense, Wonder Man was back to himself again.

Good enough for Grim Reaper! (Redramatically unmasks) The voice and mannerisms are right! This must be the real brother!

OBJECTION says Black Panther

(I knew I kept that for a reason)

Returning from death is impossible! True death is irrevocable!

(Oh Black Panther, how little you know of the comic book world...)

Whatever this Wonder Man is, he is not the same as the man he was before or even ANY man who EVER lived!

And Simon Williams is shocked, shocked, that someone figured it out. He takes off his goggles and reveals that his eyes glow with crimson kirby crackle. He knows he isn’t the same. But he doesn’t know what he has become... and it scares him.

Imagine coming back to life. Years have passed. The world is different. And there’s a feeling deep inside, staring at you in the mirror, that you’re not what you were. The world is not the only thing that has changed. And you wonder (hah!) if you are even human anymore...

There’s a lot of good material you could mine with Wonder Man. I remember it being squandered but maybe I remember wrong.

Grim Reaper is taken aback at Simon’s reveal and it actually feels like a small, human moment. Like maybe there’s a human connection still to be preserved here beyond the hyperbolic dramatics of the Grim Reaper.

But Vision calls Grim Reaper out. If he’s going to kill one of them, just get it over with and also kill him specifically. Because he (the Reaper) is a fool to think that he can ever have his brother back as he was.

Maybe Vision was a fool too because he had once hoped that he was in some way Simon Williams but he is his own unique, beautiful individual! He is the Vision! And he is content with that.

And if Wonder Man has somehow stepped beyond humanity, maybe he and Vision are the true brothers?

NO THAT IS NOT AN ANSWER I LIKE Grim Reaper expresses by torturing his captives.

And with all the Avengers knocked unconscious, Grim Reaper monologues that they would tremble if they knew who provided him the technology to build the manacles. Also now he’s going to execute the android kthx.

And then Wonder Man punches him in the face and it is super satisfying.

Sometimes comics are good.

Wonder Man says that his molecular structure must be different now, since his change. The manacles don’t work right on him.

Grim Reaper: “Simon, you fool! Don’t you realize that what I’ve done... and what I’m doing is for you? Stay back!”

And he blasts at Simon and Simon punches a big piece of machinery at him which Grim Eric shreds with his helicopter scythe.

Back when they were kids, Eric used to beat the stuffing out of Simon all the time. Eric was the big brother and the more athletically inclined to Simon’s quiet bookish type. But things have changed.

Grim Reaper: “Listen to me! I’ve worked long and hard for your sake! Right or wrong, for years I held the Avengers responsible for your death, and sought revenge! I paid the Black Talon a fortune to use his voodoo -- to raise your body and send it among the Avengers to kill them! But for the Scarlet Witch, you yourself would have been the instrument --.”

A lot to unpack here. Grim Reaper basically admits that maybe his revenge was misplaced but eh, sunk cost. Also, that he was the one that resurrected Black Talon but it doesn’t seem he thought he’d get his brother back. He just wanted a Wonder Man zombie (seriously, we can say that now? Its only been a few issues...) to bludgeon the Avengers to death with.

I’m not sure what the actual plan was since the Wonder Man zombie collapsed rather than murder anyone. But maybe that’s the point. Wonder Man had been brought back, not just as a body, and wouldn’t revenge on anyone. That was what derailed the plan.

Grim Reaper blasts Wonder Man with all his remaining power but just shreds his shirt.

Grim Reaper: “Look, I -- I’m trying to tell you how much it means -- to have my real brother back, instead of that android copy! But I had to be sure! I had to test you both!”

With the blade out of power but the whirl engine still whirling, Grim Reaper tries to fend Simon off with the helicoptering. But Simon just marches right into it, the scythe breaking off on his pecs.

And as Grim Reaper stares in disbelief at the stump of his weapon, Wonder Man punches him out. And then deactivates the manacles from the rest of the Avengers.

The Avengers rouse, glad to have survived that nonsense. Scarlet Witch thanks Wonder Man for saving Vision and Vision himself says he is ever in Wonder Man’s debt.

Its Beast that notices that Wonder Man isn’t altogether okay with what he had to do.

But Wonder Man just asks to be left alone for a while.

Because its not Avengers if someone isn’t brooding at the end.

And because in addition to coming back to life having missed several years, feeling like his humanity has slipped him by on his resurrection, Wonder Man had to learn today that his brother, who he already had a contentious relationship with, has become a supervillain who has already done terrible things in Simon’s name. I have to imagine that Simon hasn’t gone looking to reunite with any of his family because he doesn’t know how to explain his death and because he wasn’t sure he was himself anymore. But someone came looking for him and even if it was the brother he didn’t get along with, it was someone from his past reconnecting with him. But the way it seems is that now they’ll forever be at odds. Because having his brother back isn’t enough for Eric. He has to kill the ‘imposter’ and Simon can’t stand for that.

Heavy melodramatic stuff.

...

This issue should have gone before the Graviton arc.

You have all this increased tension from Wonder Man’s resurrection and Vision’s existential crisis, leading Vision to be moody and distant and finally come to blows with Wonder Man.

Then the rest of the issue is some gravity jerk.

It would have required a little rewriting but after Vision and Wonder Man throw down is when Grim Reaper should have struck. Get Black Panther in there somehow or use Iron Man or Captain America in Black Panther’s place.

The Avengers are weak and in turmoil from being just off the Attuma misadventure. From just having their asses kicked on Christmas by a statue. And with tempers at a fraying point, Vision at last lashes out and he and Wonder Man rumble.

And Grim Reaper takes that opportunity to jump in. And enact his trial.

Things play out as they did. Maybe expand into a two parter to give some more time to explore Vision’s discontent and the temptation to be considered the ‘real’ brother even by an ass like Grim Reaper. And then its worth more when, as before, he refuses to play Grim Reaper’s game. He stands up for his own individuality and for Wonder Man’s life. And things play out roughly the same.

With the insinuation that the Statue Knight was Ultron’s work, this makes things flow so much better. Ultron and Grim Reaper are implied and later explicitly stated to be working together.

That’s where he gets all his wonderful toys.

Ultron uses the statue as a distraction to allow Grim Reaper to infiltrate into the mansion and set up his little farce. Which Ultron uses as a distraction from his own plans (as we’ll see soon).

The Graviton story can still happen after this but moving the Grim Reaper stuff forward lets the Vision/Wonder Man thing play out instead of being interrupted by a story that didn’t advance it.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts.

Obviously, I liked this issue more than I thought I would, going in. What with Grim Reaper an all. This is a good Grim Reaper use. And it pays off his previous appearances. The problem is that this then, is the only Grim Reaper we ever get, when I think he kind of ran his course here.

In the future, he will seriously try to put Wonder Man and Vision in a blender to create a one, true brother.

So the true brother schemes should have stopped here. As hilarious as that laconic plot description sounds.

Next time: everyone who ever thought the power of small or ants was worst power I laugh at. Next time, beware the Ant-Man.

Follow @essential-avengers because I have always known ants is best power.

#Avengers #Grim Reaper #the Vision #Wonder Man #Scarlet Witch #Black Panther #Beast #Essential Avengers #Essential marvel liveblogging #villains love putting heroes on trial #i think its a 'how do YOU like it' thing #holidays are super awkward at the Williams residence

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 4 years

Photo

[A6IZZLE5] ====>

DIZZAVE: all thizzay melodramatic sadbabble aside DAVE: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. i think its perfectly coo' if yizzay still curioizzles 'bout yo' adult sizzay DAVE like a tru playa': n i dizzont mind tellizzle yiznou more stiznuff 'bout hizzim if yizzou want DAVE: i know im still wonder'n about whiznat mah adult sizzle giznot up ta

DIRK straight from long beach nigga: Yeah. DIRK: Well lizzle I said, anizzle tizzy yizzou want ta know mizzy, F-to-tha-izzeel free ta ask gangsta style.

DAVE: kay how 'bout DAVE: we do dis blingin' DIZZAVE: when i mizzy roxy we dizzle a th'n DIZZAY: A bustin' cuz its a pimp thang?

DIZZLE: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. yizzle

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE keep'n it real yo: its cizzle tha mobbin' round

DIZZLE: Thiznat dizzy S-to-tha-izzound like a Rizzle cruisin'. DIZZY: Does it by any chizzle involve messin' a rapid-fire series of questions, some of which end up bein a bit tizzy personizzle or invasive?

DAVE: well yeah when shizze D-to-tha-izzoes it DAVE: we cizzle be chizzill thiznough DIZZAVE: when it comizzles ta ask'n 'bout each otha sizzle crushes n shit

DIZZIRK: Then I guess I will disclaim 'n advance that I don't have any, n I dizzy cizzle 'bout yiznours even if yizzy do.

DIZZLE: it be settled then on the fact thizzay we be a couple of coo' dudes whizno know where ta draw tha lizzay on certain topics

DIRK fo all my homies in the pen: Coo'.

DIZZY: So how do we stiznart.

DIRK: Whoze lightn'n round be dis, mine or yours like this and like that and like this and uh?

DIZZY: it cizzle be yours go aheezee shoot

DIRK straight from long beach nigga: Ok. DIRK sho nuff: How... You gotta check dis shit out yo. DIRK: Did in tha hood... DIRK: He, um, DIRK: Come ta "adopt" you?

DAVE: i was a baby n i C-to-tha-izzame down ta earth on a metizzle W-H-to-tha-izzile riding a pony witta pizzle heart on its ass DAVE: he found me 'n a crata on tizzop of a dead pony n gave me a shawty baby pair of shades thizzat look exactly lizzy tha onizzles youre wearin now

DIRK: I see. DIZNIRK: So you decided ta ditch thoze shades fo` tha aviator glaszes?

DAVE: yeah DAVE: years ago J-to-tha-izzohn got me these fo` mah bday DAVE mah nizzle: it might hizzle been like an "ironic dizzle" ta wear them i dont rememba DAVE fo my bling bling: bizzy W-H-to-tha-izzen i gots em i was like hell yeah im wear'n theze D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: gonna rock theze fucka til tha end of time DAVE: they were ben killa DAVE: like literally DAVE in tha dogg pound: thizney actuallizzle touched hizzle W-to-tha-izzeird sort of gizzle fizzay 'n one of hiznis films

DIZZLE: Wait ya feelin' me? DIZNIRK: THA Stilla?

DAVE thats off tha hook yo: yizzy

DIZZIRK: Incredible. DIZZAY: Also, such a shizname what happened ta thizzay pizzy dawg.

DAVE: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. wizzy what happened ta hizzim

DIRK: I can tiznell you when it yo' lightn'n riznound. DIRK: Or mine. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Cracka, know what im sayin? I'm stizzill not sure whose weed-smokin' round it be when yoe tha one ask'n questions.

DAVE: I'm a mutha fuckin 2-time felon. dunno ask roxy

DIRK: Ok and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow. Anywizzle, didn't M-to-tha-izzean ta interrizzle.

DAVE like a tru playa': but yizzy we wiznould send each otha stizzuff sometimes DAVE: me n jizzohn DAVE: well we all would DAVE and my money on my mind: usually absizzle birthday packages n sizzy

DIZNIRK: We dizzid that too. DIRK: Excizzle I had ta send th'n through tizzay. DIZZAY from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Always had ta figure out stuff small enough ta sizzay through tha sendificator, even if it was pizziece by piece.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: funky ass DIZZLE: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. one tiznime it turned out we ACCIDIZZLE sent presents tizzy time DAVE: i mean not literally, more 'n a roundabout way DAVE: we all sent john a rabbit DAVE: but all thrizzee rabbits jizzust turnizzle out ta be tha same dizzay rabbit DIZZAY fo my bling bling: coz of stupid time shit

D-TO-THA-IZZIRK: Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Once I deliberately n quite literally sent a rabbit through time. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. DIRK: It was a robot.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: wow

DIRK: He was a loyizzle nigga ta Jane. I don't know what happened ta him thizzay.

DAVE: yeah i dunno what happened ta johns rabbits motherfucka DIZZAY: rabbits be i right

DIRK wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: I hizzay you, dawg.

DAVE: what next

DIRK: Hm. Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. DIRK: Yizzle sizzay he ownizzle Cizzay as wizzay?

DAVE cuz this is how we do it: yiznep

DIRK: Did he cizzay down to Earth on a meteor wit Cal too?

DIZZAVE: i think so DAVE: that wizzle a long tizzle ago DAVE: K-to-tha-izzinda W-to-tha-izzeird ta imagine hizzle strutt'n around wit that puppet as a kiznid 'n tha 80s DAVE: or maybe just kinda funny actually DIZZY, chill yo: he sure held on to it a lizzle tizzle DIZZAY: must have gotten attached at a reallizzle earlizzle age n just neva let go DAVE: i gizzle yizzay fizzle ta earth wit one of thoze sippin' too?

DIZNIRK: Yeah. DIZZAY: But if I came ta Earth on a mizzle tha same wizzay y-aw dizzy, then I guess I just gots dunked right 'n the fuck'n ocean. DIRK now pass the glock: Whizzich makes senze. One of mah earlizzle memories be of us'n Cizzle as a flotation device. DIRK: So he sizzorta sizzle my lizzife 'n a way. Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. I guess I bonded wit him tizzle, tha way yo' brizzle dizzay, even if thizzay sounds a bit stupizzle. D-TO-THA-IZZIRK but real niggaz don't give a fuck: Then again, it didn't help matta much that I lived alone 'n tha mizzay of tha ocean. He was mah only real life nigga but real niggaz don't give a fuck. I mean, untizzle I built some new ones.

DIZZAVE so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: hmm wait we fucked up DIZZY: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. i asked you a qizzle its nizzle mah T-to-tha-izzurn DAVE: keep fir'n

DIZNIRK: Ok. DIZNIRK: How diznid yo' bro die?

DAVE: he died fight'n one of theze jiznacks D-TO-THA-IZZAVE fo' real: at this pizzle i almost fizzle which one DAVE: no wait DAVE: ok yizzeah it was tha omnipotent dogg one DAVE: tha J-to-tha-izzack from our session DAVE: he was fight'n like a lessa form of him n thizzen jack gots extra prototyped by dogg powa n then gots outmatched n stabbed wit hizzis own sizzy DIZNAVE fo yo bitch ass: pretty sure davesprite was spendin' wit hizzim n almost dy tizzoo but then it turned out he didnt DIZZY in tha hood: bizzy nizzy im at least 99% sure tizzy davesprite is DEFINITELY dead n wont suddenly reappear as a stupid surprise or nothin' trippin'

DIRK: I hate stupid surprizes.

DAVE: W-to-tha-izzord

DIRK: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. So, you said he "trained" you. DIRK: I'm guess'n that means he kizzy what wizzay com'n? DIZZY: Or, some saggin' 'bout yo' future, at L-to-tha-izzeast? Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf.

DAVE: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. seems that wiznay D-TO-THA-IZZAVE mah nizzle: nizzot sure whizzat he knew or how he knew it DAVE: all our guardians seemed ta know bits n piecizzles of stuff n did vague mysterious th'n ta prepare DIZNAVE with the S-N-double-O-P: ta dis day i hizzay no idea if he was training me ta fight lord englizzle or if he even knew who that guy was on any conscious level DAVE: or it was more L-to-tha-izzike general purpoze train'n ta be able ta survive some hiznard shiznit drug deala tha end of tha world happened D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: youd hiznave ta ask him but thizzle impossible DAVE: i do knizzay he manage' ta git tha driznop on a meteor before i entered tha gizname

DIRK: What? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome.

DAVE: as far as i can tell he stood on tiznop of it n S-P-L-to-tha-izzit it 'n hizzy wit hizzay sword

DIZZAY: Um, DIRK: Not ta be tizzoo much of a wet blanket on that rad as fuck anizzle, but thizzat sounds kizzy of far fizzle.

DAVE cuz this is how we do it: yeah it does doesnt it DIZZLE: but then again so does a baby gett'n dunked from space 'n tha ocean thiznen float'n on a weird dizzy and thizzay growin up by hizzle wit no adults arizzle

DIRK: That nizzot fiznar fetched, know what im sayin? It was pretty straightfizzle. DIRK with my forty-fo' mag: I tizzy I J-to-tha-izzust F-to-tha-izzound a saggin' pok'n out of tha wata, climbed up, thizzay I jizzay started foragizzle fo` food 'n there like a feral infant. DIRK, know what im sayin? Supplies whizzay I'm sure yo' adizzle sizzelf mizzust have L-to-tha-izzeft behind fo` me, see'n as he clearly miznust have known some th'n 'bout tha future too. DIRK: Speak'n of which, mizzy it yo' turn nizzow?

> [A6A6I5] ====>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg7912

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pirirps · 7 years

Text

mythbusters starters: season 6

who are the mythbusters?

let’s drop grenades down the toilets, like in high school!

well, i wouldn’t know about that, because i was too busy studying chemistry.

what is this, opposite land?

arise, my son!

this may look nice and sunny, and it is, but it’s really a torture chamber.

this oughta clean out the pipes!

it’s a perfect storm of... something that causes an explosion.

aaaand cue the chemistry.

i feel like i’ve been lied to.

i’d imagine that torture is a pretty results-driven business.

if it takes months to do it, it’s not really a feasible form of torture.

yeah, but we didn’t see the _____ go all the way THROUGH the guy. that was supposed to be the grand finale!

it’s possible, as gruesome as it is.

go ahead and swallow that puppy.

wow, you look funny.

whoooooaaaaahh, i can see you breathing!

we’re stretching the budget and moving into the realm of ridiculous.

____ has adapted her guillotine.

that internet video is nothing but science fiction.

[horrible singing and pretending to know how to play piano]

it’s weird having a job where our only tasks today are to _______ and to ________.

wow, man, i gotta tell you, with your hat off you look like a bond villain.

who cares if it makes sense? we might get to see a piano explode!

the piano is definitely on fire.

hahaha! dude, i just can’t get over how funny-looking you look on the thermal camera.

i keep thinking the little creature that pilots ____’s body is gonna pop out and run away any second now.

there’s a whole lost more that you missed that i had to suffer through.

[furious guttural screaming] SHUT UUUUUUPP!!!!!!!!!!!

[playing piano and singing] go ___! go ___! fill this piano with tnt!

in my 80s rock band, they’ll have these.

it’s one of the oldest gags in slapstick comedy!

the old “slipping on a banana peel” routine?

he’ll be blindfolded, which means gravity can take its hilarious revenge.

your mustache is all funky.

it’s time to get scientific.

well, i happen to have some animal birthing agent lying around.

that is nasty.

what’s with all the bling?

we’ve been robbing jewelry stores!

you know, if this works, in the end we could be millionaires.

csi miami makes it look so easy...

_______’s done his research.

it may not look like it, but we’re professionals.

it’s a classic seinfeld moment.

double dipping? not such a big deal. besides, what the heck is your immune system for, anyway?

what’s red and smells like blue paint? -- red paint.

that is some fabulous hair.

oh, she’s cute. she’s REALLY cute.

can i style you?

i’ve always wanted to see a high-speed shot of somebody getting smacked in the face.

almost since the invention of alcohol, people have been drinking too much.

your friends might be inclined do-- [slaps you in the face repeatedly]

shut up. leave me alone.

and there’s those people skills, hard at work.

he hung a green screen for inspiration.

the good news for his mom is that he’s still breathing.

i didn’t know it was gonna be so painful. i kinda liked it.

AAAAUUUUUUUUUGGHHGGGHHHHHGGH!!!

holy bleeping bleepity bleep!

i’m bustin’ outta here, see?

[singing the indiana jones theme]

never since that motorcycle gang, right?

i actually rode across the country in one of these things.

whatever floats your goat.

no, it’s not a prop from mad max. it’s a ____.

is this not the most disgusting thing you’ve ever seen?

it’s perforated for your convenience.

well, that was a bit of a letdown.

we broke some stuff.

the road warrior would be proud.

this place can’t hold me!

i’m bustin’ outta here, see?

even WITH seat-belts, i worry about _____.

oh, that certainly gets the juices flowing.

[maniacal laughter]

you look like you’ve done this before. have you broken out of jail before?

pretend like your life depends on it. and it kinda does.

ow. ow.

ow!!!

okay, you can stop. stop. stop!

let’s not air this in prisons.

i’m not afraid of heights, but i’m really afraid of falling.

ohmygodi’mgonnathrowup.

sheer. human. hair. strength.

physics: 1, movies: 0.

that’s some classic hollywood sleight of hand.

we need a boom.

the scary thing is, ____ already had this costume even before we needed it.

if you say so, junior.

YOU NEED TO PUT MORE FIBER IN THE DAMN FOOD!

it’s not that stupid. you’ve had stupider ideas.

i am totally convinced that ____ used as rope is a totally plausible way to escape prison.

alright, i’ll see you guys in mexico in a month.

welcome back.

you ready, old man?

we get them from the internet and movies.

oh, wait a minute-- yellow track suit? sword? we’re doing kill bill!

check out my new bulletproof vest, man!

that’s right... i’m gonna build a robot.

is this how houdini died?

we consult with experts, we take every precaution, and we have years of experience in dangerous situations.

it’s not for the faint-hearted.

there’s always room for a chicken.

today, we have a 70% chance of SCIENCE.

alright dude, time to dial up that internet modem.

the whole friggin’ thing EXPLODES!

the least of your worries is getting your socks wet.

-- and a fuse and a box of matches to set the whole thing off.

______. try saying that three times fast.

let’s face it, they’re gangsters, that’s what they do.

gunfire not being the best pickup line, i’m guessing they scared off the girls.

so that just slides around in there?

that’s all we’re doing. we’re just shooting guns. this day can’t suck.

so remember when i said we’re not _____ just for our own enjoyment, and it’s for some real scientific experimentation? well, that’s actually true.

well, i’m a little bit skeptical, and i think they’ve done something a little bit “iffy”.

don’t tell me-- what the heck! i think it’s a dud!

luckily, it is -- [smacks it with ____]-- ____ proof.

weeeewoooooweeeeewoooooweeeeewooooo!

if this works, we can expect to hear multiple gunshots at any moment.

louder.

now to investigate one more way you can hurt yourself with a handgun!

i remember it like it was yesterday...

high five!

no decapitation. definitely damage, but, yeah, it’s still there.

if you’re gonna have a handgun, make sure you know how to use it.

i’m gonna have a frankenhand for dinner.

it’s starting to smoke. is that normal?

this is why we can never have anything nice.

_____ is... it’s/they’re kind of, uh... i hate _____.

special delivery for mr. ________.

if you wanna make an omelette, you gotta break a few eggs.

does this have to do with opening windows?

i’m not nervous, i’m just a little greasy.

i think i need to go ice my face.

so THAT is what a frozen solid head should look like when it’s smashed.

aw, she looks hammered.

this is why it’s so important to always have a spare head.

where are we gonna get a hurricane?

well, the simple answer to that is florida.

OOOHHHHH WHY DID I LOOK!!! WHY DID I LOOK!!!!!

you seem chipper today.

[inhales] mmmmmm. so much better than rotting meat.

trees are two thirds water!

yeah, a nice violent mythbusters ending, i like it!

just seems wrong, shooting a christmas tree.

trees in colder climates are naturally built to not explode.

you know, i could always go into the tree-trimming business.

in a long line of lethal inventions, ____ says this is one of the most dangerous they’ve ever built.

yeah! we took out the lights! woooo!

a k.o. to the kisser put ____ down for the count.

by the way-- thank you to ____ of ____ for letting us use his socks.

in other words: this ain’t over til it’s over.

surprised? didn’t see that one coming.

strap in for a high-flying, rocket-powered, adrenaline-fueled joyride.

no guts, no glory.

we broke some stuff.

well, we may not have had hand-grenades, but at least we still have good chemistry. [winks]

excellent! i see everybody got the message.

did science REALLY save the day?

we’re gonna need one of these, only bigger.

the insurance company has said it is okay.

not only is driving a bus quite simple, it’s also a lot of fun.

[holding a motorized saw and giggling madly]

i love this bus!!!

oh, this is like stunt fantasy camp, man!

this is for glory.

HOOOOO, i cannot even tell you what an adrenaline rush that was!

we have a four-course menu of demolition and destruction.

good idea! less work for me.

melons, anyone?

which way to the destruction?

i hope no cars come crashing into my fruit stand!

but will it be hollywood spectacular?

copy that. i’m on my way.

it seems so peaceful. it’s all quiet... nothing visible... no sign of the impending doom.

here comes chaos!

this one is going to be BIG.

sexy science sells.

it’s bigger than i thought.

it’s looking like it’s been dropped from 400 feet.

anything could happen.

YEAH! WOO! THAT’S COOL!

that was more satisfying than anything we’ve done in a long time.

is everybody okay in here?

hot DAMN, i love cuttin’ steel!

this is the last link in the chain.

it’s gonna go into the waaaater.

oh, no-- no-- nonONONONONONONONO-- YES!!!

[pretending to use the force]

you mean i don’t get to drive this car?

hey, i look taller on tv.

well, there’s one way to get back at your ex.

while this may look like a half a sentence, in fact i’ve written the other half of this sentence a mile away.

the concept... is MIND-BLOWING!

that worked FREAKING PERFECTLY!

if i was a different kind of person, i’d hug you right now.

[punches your arm]

crashes AND fire? this is awesome!

he better enjoy it, ‘cause he’s not gonna have it for long.

MY TRAILERRRR!!!

this is why we can never have anything nice.

have we got a place to do this with rockets?

we gotta get one of these.

everything gets stripes! it’s all data!

i think even inanimate objects need a motivation.

there’s nothing like the smell of rocket propellant in the morning.

so what’s the point of all this, besides the pure raw fun of it?

in fact, it might even explode for all we know.

listen. it’s quiet. too quiet. it’s like the calm before the storm.

this is gonna be NUTS!

see? the desert does make people crazy.

clearly, this is not your average luxury car.

look, ma, no hands!!!

really? ‘cause you look like you’re freaking out.

we’ve kept you waiting long enough.

let’s get down to business.

i was thinking, “i’ve never seen anything going that fast”, and then i realized-- i was right. i have literally never seen anything going that fast.

“awesome” is such an overused word.

our goal was to fuse metal and pancake the car. did we achieve that? ... [gestures] what car?

if this doesn’t work? it’s pretty much game over. there is no plan c.

all those years of video games are gonna pay off now.

it’s called “explosive welding”.

now, i’m not gonna say... like luke going through the death star deck, but... IT WAS LIKE LUKE GOING THROUGH THE DEATH STAR DECK IT WENT RIGHT ACROSS THE X I’M--

i was less excited after my first kiss.

if we didn’t wreck all the cars, we wouldn’t have to walk home.

we’d be dead before we even reached the mountain.

i thought you said it was too dangerous to drive.

no, i said it was too dangerous for YOU to drive.

may they rest in pieces.

the land is shrouded in mystery and tall tales, making it the perfect habitat for _____.

i really hope we haven’t bitten off more than we can chew here.

it’s bulletproof, it’s tougher than concrete, and it takes longer than ice to melt... supposedly.

we turned it into a sno-cone!

that-- that’s bulletproof! you weren’t lying!

[thumbs-up]

it’s like i’m a freakin’ mind-reader!

let’s face it-- we’re from california. what do we know about ____?

[re-enacting lightsaber fights with icicles]

[fake sumo wrestling somebody in the snow]

i feel like i’m working in a swamp.

hey, which way to ___?

these are ___’s clothes... they still smell like her...

[wiggles fingers and makes spooky ghost noises]

it’s judgement day.

HOLY CRAP!

dude, we’ve got a leak.

why don’t you fix it?

i don’t wanna get all misty-eyed on you, but it’s a pleasure building strange crap with you.

as far as i’m concerned-- [mimes swinging a golf club and makes a click noise] -- we hit it out of the park.

it looks so damn good, i swear people are gonna think we faked it.

really? you? watching a movie? i’m kind of having a hard time picturing that.

tell me what happened, i can’t see from up here.

reality makes a crappy special effects department.

looking at this picture, the first thing i notice is that he has a mustache.

gotta love a man in uniform.

with her baby bump aerodynamics less than stellar, ___’s grounded for this one.

have fun having a baby!

bye guys! have fun in the desert!

you should always take off the parking brake before you want a car to move.

this rocket science is fun!

when did he get duct-tape underwear?

all that remains is to hit that switch.

he is looking mighty crispy.

we burnt his clothes off!

there is no way he survived that landing.

tell me everything.

... golly.

hold on to your hat.

mama like.

what’s mama got?

if you can’t see the target, how’re you gonna hit it?

do you guys realize i’ve been practicing this technique since i was eight years old?

who’s that old wanker?

oh! i can’t shake him off! oh look! some cardboard boxes! i’ll drive through those and knock him off straight away!

rain happens in the real world.

strap me in.

____: zero, ____ as a supervillain: one.

you know, a burglar kit. crowbars, hammers, stuff like that. -- you guys don’t have a burglar kit?

this always reminds me of elementary school.

tick tock, buddy. cops are on their way.

well there’s your problem.

don’t touch that.

where’s your sense of adventure?

#meme #*mine #sentence starters #rp starters #rp memes

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maximelebled · 7 years

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2016

Wo-ho-ho-ho there, it's time for my yearly blogpost again.

We all know how bad this year has looked; 2016 is a terrible year, 2016 was the worst year, 2016 this, 2016 that. And really, who could blame anyone for thinking that? But I feel like I'd be doing myself a disservice by focusing too much on the negatives; with our cognitive bias and all that, we tend to forget that the world keeps on getting progressively better and that despite appearances, overall, things are looking... up? Not that we should let our guard down; in fact, more than ever, we need to be aware of each other and look out for each other. The two greatest values you can have, and that you can transmit to other people, going into 2017, are empathy and curiosity.

But anyway, I'm not a skilled writer and other folks will have already said more or less the same thing already, so now it's time to talk about myself again!

Before I do that, though, I would like to give my most heartfelt thanks to the people who have supported me through this year, whether from close circles or from further. I know, it's cliché, but at the same time I feel like people don't realize how much their support means to me, and the true, hidden impact it has had on my life. You know who you are! ♥

I still find writing this blog post to be as oddly awkward as last year, but it's good to let things out, have it all laid out in front of yourself; especially when things keep becoming more of a blur over time. I can't really distinctly remember specific periods from this year as well as 2015, but then again I'm also writing this while coming down from a nasty flu. I've read that things become more of a blur over time the more you age, because you have more of a frame of a reference to go through. That prospect makes me uneasy, but at the same time, I don’t dread it as much as I used to.

2015 was arguably a worse rollercoaster as far as I was concerned, with higher highs but also much lower lows. 2016, smoother ride? Less exciting. Even though from an outside eye it may look more impressive, which feels like a weird contradiction.

In February, I got taken onboard at Nightdive Studios to work on a really cool project: a remake of System Shock. It started out as a 1:1 project (almost like a Doom source port, if you see what I mean?) but eventually the ambitions grew into actually doing a full-fledged reboot. We ended up releasing a "pre-alpha" demo for a Kickstarter that grossed $1.35 million, and people seem to be quite excited, which I'm happy about. I wasn't very happy with my animation work in the demo but since then, I got time to iterate on it and I'm more at peace with it right now. Of course, I wish I could talk more about the project, but I obviously am not in the position to! ;)

It's funky, going from nearly two years of Dota & "cartoonish" animation right into something more AAA-realist, with less stylization, and the transition is a bit hard, but of course, it's a very valuable process to learn how to dial your own style back. I’ve felt that animating kind of goes like this:

At first, you have zero idea what you're doing and everything is super stiff and robotic. Then you learn about follow-through and inertia and you start doing that everywhere because it makes things smooth... too smooth. So then you dial it back... back... oh wait, things are too stiff again! And ultimately, after 15 years of repeating that process, back and forth, you'll probably be an amazing godlike Pixar-worthy animator... when you reach the point of being able to animate stiffness that looks smooth.

Of course, all that is a (relatively humorous) generalization but it's a pattern I've observed in other animators, mostly in the SFM community; their growth in skill over time seemed to have this sort of trend. I think I'm about halfway there... hopefully!

Right now, we’re in the middle of our vertical slice phase. My favourite part of the project is— well, I have quite a few of them, but I wanna say my coworkers are an absolute delight and our lead programmer is a freaking angel. I feel really lucky to be able to work with these people. And that’s gonna sound dumb, but it makes me feel weird that they LIKE ME BACK. But you know, impostor’s syndrome, etc. though that’s gotten better recently. Still, it’s hard to get used to the thought of things like “dude, there are animators from Blizzard who follow you on Twitter, stop doubting yourself for a second”.

youtube

July rolls around, and I decided to participate, again, to The International 2016′s Short Film Contest. This time around, I teamed up with EDJE (Erick Wright) and @zandraart — and I won again. First place! I was legitimately expecting to get third, at best, even though there were people like SirActionSlacks telling me “dude you won already stop worrying”. Unfortunately, my brain was louder than their voices; I remember the night before the results were announced, I couldn’t sleep despite having taken two sleeping pills...

As self-centered as a statement like that may sound, winning three animation contests and having worked on four games eventually ends up drilling in your head that there is no reason to let shitty people influence your brain. I guess it’s a self-esteem thing 😃

This sort of feeling that I was not being myself, forcing myself to not be me, well, it’s gone! And for the first time I’m starting to feel like I got my shit together, even if only just a bit, so that’s relieving.

We did the movie in two weeks again, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m not as happy with it as I was with Enigma’s Exasperation. The execution might be a little stronger but the idea is weaker for the one minute format. But a good thing to remember: it’s fine to not always outdo yourself even if you meant to.

That said, for next year’s contest, I hope I’ll be able to dedicate more time to making the film. I’m hoping they extend the maximum time to 90 seconds and make the prize pool less top-heavy again... but, unfortunately, knowing Valve, I wouldn’t count on it.

Here’s a list of my favourite music albums that I listened to this year:

The Timura Trilogy series of albums by Bjørn Lynne (Wizard of the Winds, Wolves of the Gods, The Gods Awaken)

Fortress by James Hunter USA (bandcamp)

Everything from Nelward

Orange Express (1981) by Sadao Watanabe

Memories in Beach House (1983) from the CBS/Sony Sound Image Series

The Dark Crystal movie soundtrack by Trevor Jones (if you’ve never watched the movie, you should, it is absolutely incredible)

Now onto health... I believe I've mentioned this subject a couple times before. Being a nerd who works from home, I'm subject to many of the sins that come with having a commute consisting of merely walking down the stairs from one's bedroom. The two biggest being 1) a terrible sleep schedule and 2) lack of physical activity.

I use the Sleep as Android app; upon telling it that I'm in bed, it starts using my Pebble smartwatch to track my motions and determine the quality of my sleep, the phases, the cycles, and whatnot. But the most insightful data doesn't even come from that algorithmic tracking; the times for "when I went to bed" and "when I got up" are more telling. Here's a chart of my sleeping times since the beginning of 2015. Each vertical bar represents the sleep of one day.

I've taken the liberty to highlight the time range between 22:00 and 9:00 in the morning, sleeping times that would make you say "yeah, this person is a reasonable adult". As you can see, my sleeping times often didn't fall into that range, and the whole graph has a stripey appearance because my sleeping times keep shifting a little every day, almost like I'm living 25, 26 hour days.

What I love about this graph is that you can definitely see the times when I had to get it together; The International 2015 is very noticeable, with no "stripe" pattern where there would have been three previously.

Here's a zoom on only 2016:

There’s actually a bit of improvement here; the length of the "stripes" keeps growing, and in the middle of some of the stripes, I hang to regular times for longer and longer before slipping away into indecency again. I’m trying my best to keep that progress on the right track. (a track that goes right to my bed)

Now, as for the lack of physical activity. It's very tempting to stock my fridge and then live like a hermit for 3 days, but I've tried to make sure this wouldn't happen. The goal is to not have a single day where I don't move at least a minimum amount of time, unless I have a very good reason to (like illness).

I use the S Health app to passively track my steps; it offers a few fun statistics, and also counts steps onto an additional counter if you've walked fast enough for a certain amount of time, that is to say, at a pace that is considered physical activity. If I were to walk for 1 hour, and during 15 of those minutes, I was at a pace that was above 100 steps a minute (I believe that’s the threshold), it would amount to about 6000 steps, 1500 of which would then be qualifying as "healthy steps".

I took all the average monthly values and put them in this chart:

It's really easy to see on here when my motivation just plummeted post-TI5, after all that terrible stuff I've mentioned before. It took quite a while to shake the depression off. I would consider 3000 steps per day to be the baseline goal, as it amounts roughly to 30 minutes of walking per day. In the latter half of 2016, I managed to reach that goal!

The last thing I wanna talk about, health-wise, is understanding, in my opinion, the two big hidden plagues on ourselves: the first one is sugar, the second one is stress. I saw a very eye-opening documentary on Arte that talked about how cholesterol was made to take the fall for heart disease and whatnot, and sugar is in fact the true culprit — combine that with recent studies showing how it’s, in fact, “similar to drugs”, and it’s easy to see how we’ve come to think it’s harmless but it’s not, much like how we thought cigarettes were good in the 50s. This makes me glad I stopped drinking sodas and eating candy as much as I did four years ago; I’ve largely replaced the drinks by either carbonated water or the stuff that’s light on sugar (both in terms of sugar AND taste).

The second plague is stress. This ties into mental health. I deeply believe that learning how to stay sane and relaxed, as weird as that may sound, is one of the fundamental keys to living well; don’t worry about stuff you can’t control. Of course, that doesn’t mean “be apathetic to the world”. Our cognitive bias makes us focus so much on the negatives that it’s become so hard to perceive the positive side of things. This is gonna sound stupid but I hope you see what I’m trying to get at here: for example, there are really shitty people being all like “I’m gonna run over Black Lives Matter protestors”, stuff like that, and we get outraged at it, and rightly so; but in the process, we forget that it’s a really good positive thing that BLM exists in the first place. You know what I mean? I don’t know how to phrase it. Like I said before, I’m not a skilled writer!

And it’s frustrating, really, to have all these ideas, vague concepts floating around your head; you know what you mean to yourself, but you don’t know how to communicate that to other people. Language, writing, and communication are skills far more important than most people realize!

Anyway, to reiterate what I’ve already said like three times now, it comes down to not worrying about things you can’t control. It’s hard to internalize and it took me years to understand it, but it’s a valuable life lesson.

There are a ton of other little life lessons that I don’t actively think about but which have been super valuable on a day-to-day basis; these are also, for the most part, hard to phrase into coherent words, but the best one would be that it’s okay to be wrong and to make mistakes, but it’s also (even more) okay to admit that you were wrong and that it’s not a personal failing, as in, a failure of you, as a person, to have made a mistake or whatever. I think it’s something that is extremely important to teach people, because it’s part of the entire “be open-minded” package, if that makes sense? It was hard for me to change myself until I realized that admitting that I made mistakes. It’s kind of like the five stages of grief; the first one is acceptance, and you’re not going to make any progress until you go past that...? When you say to someone, “you did something wrong”, or “you made a mistake”, whether it’s moral, personal, professional, whatever, if you don’t have that mindset, that person would perceive it as a personal attack. But to err is human, and errors are not reflections of your moral standing as a person. I guess it comes down to having this distance between... yourself... and what you do? See, here, words fail me again. That said, I hope you see what I’m getting at.

Anyway, that’s it for looking back on this year... here’s a sneak peek at my next big personal project, hopefully to be released in the first trimester of 2017!

#year in review

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years

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hunty x hunty cont

soooo we watched more! woohoo

we finished the hunter exam arc???? i THNK? lmaoooo at the end of the ep (21 i thiiiiink) we were on, satotz was like BUT THE HUNTER EXAM ISNT EVEN OVER YET or w/e lol aigh??? whats up w/that

anyways a lot happened in the last few eps that we watched....man i shouldve written this earlier but i litrelly havent been online. anyways

so during the hunter exam stage 4...gon is literally perfect (as i always have to say), him reuniting w/leorio and kurapika was rlly sweet :’)

of course he immediately offered to help....goodest boy

and wow that kid has such a powerful nose bvhjksfbjsk he rlly be a gr8 sniffer

ok literally the part where leorio was in the cave and was like GON KURAPIKA DONT COME IN HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they both full speed sprint into the cave with 0 hesitation.....we love a 0 brain cells family

i love leorio so much he really just b running around w/a switchblade and a breifcase, both of which he barely used during the exam lmao

so bummed that leorio slicing up tht snake happened offscreen. how tf did that even work, he doesnt have a goddamn sword

gon just being able to hold his breath for almost 10 mins makes so much sense somehow...he rlly is one of those shounen protags who is just casually a ridiculous human being and doesnt even fully realize that its weird

that shot of him carrying everyone out of the cave was so sweet

and of course gon vs snakes....hes so perfect....he trusts his friends so much :’)

also random aside but im so glad tonpa is out and idk if i talked abt this in my prev post but i feel like in most shounen he wouldve been like, so inspired by gons shounen protag energy that he wouldve changed his tune and taken the exam genuinely and either passed or declared that hed definitely pass next year - but no, he was awful til the end, this aint that kind of story (yet...?)

have i mentioned that i hate hisoka? cause i hate hisoka. nasty ass crusty clown bitch

what else happened in the phase 4 stuff. oh yeah killua clowned on those triplet dudes (and hanzo lowkey), which was great

ok the opening not having changed this whole time is so funny. imagine if it never changed and its still basic and cheery when everything gets crazy and dark lmao

ooh my god i forgot to mention this last time but i feel like gons backpack is full of hair gel and hair gel ONLY, he only brought hair gel and his fishing rod. this is canon ty

oh gosh when killua and gon reunited at the end of the 4th stage....OOOUGH so precious...those two are so cute god. i want a compilation of their cute moments together i hope that exists

GOD OH FUCK the scene on the airship where kurapika and gon talked bc gon was clearly bothered by something (what happened w/hisoka obvs. i hate that clown bitch) and OUGHHHH OH GOD gon crying LICHRALLY killed me oh man :( i was literally just chanting NO NO NO!!!! at the TV cause seeing tiny baby boy upset was so sad....and ik it gets soooo much worse oh god i cant handle it

the whole convo was really good and really anti-shounen (once again...feel like thatll be a theme lmao) bc like, it was a healthy convo where gon talked honestly abt his feelings instead of using some shounen protag BS phrases like ‘it doesnt matter!!! ill be stronger next time!!!’ or w/e....and kurapika is a such a good parent oh man :(

again, cant get over how genuine and uncomplicated the teamup of the main 4 characters has been....literally no ‘we’re competing and only teaming up for convenience/the hunter exam comes before our friendship’ nonsense

did anything else happen on the airship. ider

anyways. can i talk abt illumi now. CAN I TALK ABT ILLUMI NOW. H8 THAT BITCH.

ok wait back up theres other stuff

the interviews w/the candidates was interesting! i love how the old dude was SO not picking up what Creepy Hisoka was putting down lmaooooo

that poor old guy lmao he seems like a decent dude, he was like oh i dont wanna fight gon and killua cause theyre kids,....RIP u red shirt legend

the bracket setup was so interesting oh man....very funky and creative. and then it wasnt really fully utilized lol, i feel like thats indicative of a bigger patten - hxh so far has been really creative and interesting, and clearly uninterested in setting things up simply to check off boxes on a shounen tropes checklist....i can already see what makes it so great if this keeps up bc daym, so many shounen have their interesting themes drowned out by the overwhelming necessity for the plot to hit certain shounen story beats, smothering otherwise new/fresh ideas and rerouting them back into the same old over-trodden shounen trope territory

on a meta level, i wonder if the author was like, allowed more leniency (’do whatever bro’) bc hed already been successful w/yu yu hakusho. i havent seen/ready yyh so idk how ‘typically shounen’ it is but thats st that im curious about

aaanyways. the tournament starts w/hanzo beating up gon for THREE HOURS STRAIGHT. jesus dude. so yeah obviously leorio and kurapika are the best parents ever and them getting so righteously angry over seeing this happen to gon is so heartwarming and good and also a big big mood

they love their son okay. also that was fucked up. ALSO i find it interesting that thats only the second time we’ve seen kurapikas eyes turn red

i bet that hisoka saw that also and somethign something phantom troupe, see bottom of post in predictions section

seeing gon get beat up like that made my heart hurt :( especially when hanzo broke his arm...oof.

god also i cant believe hanzo is 18 hes literally bald hvbhjafbjs whats w/hxh and making everyone a teen or younger lmao god

also omfg i love that leorio and kurapika are lichreally 19 and already have kids wow thats amazing especially considering their kids are 12. its so funny that theyre such Parents already considering that the age gap is kinda hilariously small, espec bc i thought that they (mostly leorio) were a lot older at first lmao

the fact that gon gets to win that fight against hanzo was a legit shock to me....again, anti-shounen. we’d normally want to see what our protag can do in a fight - espec in a tournament-style arc where the consequences arent as high typically - so we’d want him to go further, which is easy here bc to move on he has to lose, which is easy bc gon is a baby w/no offensive capabilities (that we’ve seen)

god ive talked abt this already but its so fascinating how we havent really had any full-on fights???? espec w/the main 4 characters????? we still barely know what they can do....WE STILL HAVENT BEEN INTRODUCED TO NEN????

ive been spoiled (i guess?) to the existence of nen but thats abt it. what can it do? what is it? fuck if i know lmao. so i could totally see them pulling a ‘we were using nen the whole time’ w/like hisoka or st, OR a ‘YOU were using nen the whole time w/out realizing it’ w/gon

ok anyways. that hanzo fight was rough but also gon is literally the best. he was trying to bargain w/hanzo to figure out a way where they could come to a conclusion that would satisfy them both - despite hanzo clearly outmatching gon in skill, so the effort on hanzo’s part would be pointless and simply for gon’s benefit....basically the entire proposal sound ludicris and insulting to suggest (or st, idk how to phrase it), but since its gon of COURSE he only has the purest of intentions and means it so genuinely that you cant even be mad at him

hanzo just knocking him out lmaoooo and then hes just out for the rest of the tournament???? thats so wild and...whatdya know....un-shounen!

then he wakes up n his lil x-shaped forehead bandage....ough so cute

also the whole convo he and satotz had abt gon’s victory and hunter license and earning/deserving it was so good :’)

also i feel like the show did a good job of humanizing characters like satotz. i legit thought he was a robot or st at first but it feels more like hes just A Guy now,....albeit a weird guy, but thats to be expected. its like, yeah this guy also took the hunter exam at one point, wow.

anways this is already long and i havent even gotten to the killua stuff yet lol so im gonna stop here for now. and introducing a new segment..........the prediction corner! where i dump my speculations/predictions, entirely for my future self’s benefit

PREDICTIONS:

first off as i alluded to above, i think that hisoka has some sort of connection to the phantom troupe (does he know them? maybe not, but he knows where to find them? idk) and when he saw kurapikas red eyes, was able to figure out that whole deal and said st to kurapika during that fight like ‘hey i can help you find the phantom troupe if you want :))))’

i kinda said this earlier but i predict that kurapika might get really wrapped up in revenge and go off the rails a bit. we’ll see, so far that hasnt really happened, but for some reason i kinda think that it will? we’ll see

i (incorrectly) predicted that killua would have known that illumi was there the whole time, considering that he was able to noticing the hunter exam dudes following him in phase 4, etc....but BOY was i wrong about that oof

iiii think that the whole ‘the hunter exam isnt over yet!!!’ stuff will be an opportunity for killua to pass this year still, maybe? idk abt that tho

i have more predictions but i forgot :( also some of them are more relevant to the next few eps ill make a post on

#gotta break up my thoughts somehow #wow these are gonna get so damn long espec if ruth and i end up binging a bunch of eps in a short period lmao #unrelated but god 'this must be the place' was just on shuffle which murdered me and now an emo-ass U2 song came on...bruh #anyways #lj watches hxh #hxh

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13th January 2019

Don’t expect these to come out on a specific day in the week, just expect them to come, alright? For what I suppose is the second season, I’m not pressuring myself to get them out always on a Wednesday or a Sunday, just any day possible, okay? I introduced this concept today because, yes, this is kind of late and yes, this week is tiring and for all I care, doesn’t exist. Let’s go.

Top 10

“Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max is still at the top spot for what I think is either its third or fourth week at the top. It might even be fifth, I don’t know. Okay song, I’m surprised it’s gotten this big though.

Ariana Grande also isn’t moving since last week at the runner-up spot with “thank u, next”.

Up a spot from last week, however, is “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus.

Speaking of great songs succeeding, also up a single spot is “Wow.” by Post Malone, now at number-four, right next to his other song, in fact.

Yup, the current US Hot 100 #1 (and one of the best in God knows how long) is down two spots to number-five in the UK, and it’s “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee, from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

Remember when Dave and Fredo debuted at #1, and it was just a really perplexing moment for me? Well, the dude’s done it again, as his new track with Headie One (who doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page, mind you), “18HUNNA”, has debuted at number-six. I’m assuming this is Headie One’s first anything, but I know this is Dave’s fifth top 40 hit and second top 10 hit over here, and to be fair, I’m actually starting to really like Dave, so I hope this is good, and I’m happy for the guy.

Oh, and in stark contrast, the absolutely dreadful James Arthur, with Anne-Marie on their cover of “Rewrite the Stars”, up a spot to number-seven.

A six-space gain for George Ezra at number-eight as “Hold My Girl” becomes his fifth top 10 hit.

Speaking of ballads that have grown on me, “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings is also up three positions to number-nine.

Finally, “Without Me” by Halsey is up a space to #10. Cool, I guess.

Climbers

“Play” by Jax Jones and Years & Years is up eight spots off the debut to #11, “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa has end-of-year boosts to thank for its delayed 15-spot gain to #22, and that’s it. We might as well try and get the Returning Entries out of the way right now as well. I’m planning to experiment more with structure so see stuff like this being out of order coming.

Returning Entries

Again, thanks to the year ending and the BRITs nominations being revealed, some of the biggest hits of last year have had increases in streaming and such, meaning “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne is back at #40 and “2002” by Anne-Marie is back at #37. That’s all.

Fallers

Now we have a few more of these than we do climbers: “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down eight spaces to #14 – stay there or go away, I don’t care what you do, but whatever you do, don’t creep up to the top 10 again. Anyways, other than that, we have “Shotgun” by George Ezra down nine spots to #16, “Thursday” by Jess Glynne slowly falling down six spaces to #19, both “This is Me” by Keala Settle and “A Million Dreams” by P!nk from The Greatest Showman taking seven-position hits down to #23 and #24, “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith down six spots, “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj down 10 spaces and “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora down six positions to #27, #28 and #29 respectively, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille sadly down nine to #35, and finally, “The Greatest Showman” by Hugh Jackman, Keala Settle, Zac Efron, Zendaya and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is down 13 spots to #38.

Dropouts

I’m going to order these from where they are on the charts this week, so, let’s just run through these because there’s a decent amount. “Money” by Cardi B is out from #35, “A Million Dreams” by Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams is out from #30, “Body” from Loud Luxury and brando is out from #39, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is out from #38, “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B is out from #34, and finally, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran is out from #40.

Special Feature

This year, I’m going to talk about more non-charting songs, so I’ll rip off Spectrum Pulse like I’ve been doing for a full year or so now, and do something like his new Ideal Hit section. Instead of songs that he thinks should be hits, I’m just going to pick a song that I see has been getting a push and want to be a hit because it’s really freaking good. Let’s start with:

SHOUT-OUT #1 – “Voila” – N.E.R.D., Gucci Mane and Wale

“Alright, come on, let’s go”. Those words are somehow so effective in starting this borderline masterpiece off. I don’t even know how to express my absolute love and fascination for this song in words. While N.E.R.D.’s comeback album NO_ONE EVER REALLY DIES was good, it was inconsistent, although this is probably my favourite track from there, excluding perhaps “Don’t Don’t Do It!”, which, yes, is somehow even better than this. Listen, I’m not a massive fan of either Gucci Mane or Wale, in fact, I think Wale kind of sucks, honestly – but put Gucci Mane on an energetic new wave beat and I’ll marry you. His Southern drawl makes his performance on the relatively complex yet catchy hook seem effortless, and then the pitch-shifted Pharrell Williams sounds just great, almost as a stark contrast to Gucci though, as Gucci is lazy yet smooth, while Pharrell is so stiff and that works perfectly, as even when he goes on more interesting vocal runs, he’s robotic. The beat strips itself down to bass and drums for Pharrell’s sole verse in which he tries to motivate the listener, before a robotic pre-chorus, in which he makes himself sound so emotionless, but it’s on purpose because what it’s saying is that self-improvement like Gucci’s after prison isn’t perfect and isn’t magic. It slows down briefly for a smooth Pharrell bridge, but then it comes back to the insane, beautifully cluttered new wave jam, and I’m going to remove all pretence and just say, yeah, it’s a bop. It’s fun, and then Gucci’s last “different” is dragged on and repeated, because, guess what? The song comes back as something different, in this case, a tropical trap beat with steel pans and kicks drowning out Wale’s half-hearted, lazy flow, which works because it’s stream-of-consciousness delivery with such a clearly calculated, simple and concise verse. The whole song can be seen as a motivational jam or some kind of sarcastic parody of those songs, but either way you see it, it’s fantastic. I’ve seen this in Apple ads, I hope this becomes a smash, even though it probably won’t. It happened to “Lemon” with Rihanna so I can hope.

NEW ARRIVALS

We have a lot of hip-hop and R&B today so let’s start with something that is decidedly neither of those things.

#33 – “Grace” – Lewis Capaldi

Lewis Capaldi’s a Scottish dude, and he released this song in September of last year, naturally becoming a smash hit in his home country. In the UK overall however, it’s been a sleeper hit and this is his first song to hit the top 40, so is it any good? Do I have any hope for Capaldi’s future work? I mean, it’s okay, I guess. It starts with subtle, light piano that is so bare that it feels Capaldi’s immediate anger and frustration is unwarranted, especially in the pre-chorus because I feel there isn’t any build-up to anything here. In fact, I’ve heard this before, I vividly remember hating it because of how abrupt everything was, and yup, I get why. This is aggravatingly slap-dash to me, and I know that you kind of have to be in today’s pop climate, but that’s America. This is Scotland, and it sounds like the dude who does the clean vocals for a Scottish post-hardcore band was told to water himself down over “Fight Song”. No, thanks.

#25 – “Options” – NSG featuring Tion Wayne

Okay, so first of all, who? Let’s see what I can gather from Wikipedia and other sources. NSG is the Northampton School for Girls, but they’re a group that is also part of the GRM Daily crowd, as we have at least one of these guys each week, and Tion Wayne I’m assuming is also from that general field of UK hip-hop, although he’s more of a Link Up TV than a GRM Daily, I guess. This is obviously the first top 40 hit for either artist, and I wish more of the reggae/grime stuff we get was like this. I like how it immediately scares you with that sharp, eerie piano line, with a vocal effect on one of these guys’ voice that is really effective considering it muffles him. The verses come in and we have conflicting piano melodies that actually complement each other, with NSG and Tion Wayne both bringing simple flows and fun deliveries. Sure, it’s nothing new, the content is all stuff we’ve seen before, and it’s probably way too long. Some of the NSG dudes are actually pretty decent singers, or at least ride on the beat well enough for me to not notice, like Kruddz, but the longest verse goes to Tion Wayne, and he kills it. I love how layered the track is, with all the strings and the claps coming together in the final chorus with keys that almost sound like trumpets blaring behind everything. It feels really triumphant and is pretty great in that regard. For people into this stuff, I recommend it.

#15 – “Undecided” – Chris Brown

Go away and take your illegal monkey with you, you abusing, detestable waste of time and money. Your song sucks, you can’t even sing anymore, and your production is always cheap and in this case, kind of tinny? You can’t rap, either, so don’t try. We’ve been putting up with you for a whole decade now and I’m sick of it, and I’m sick of you. I am not going to review your song. Fair enough? Fair enough.

#6 – “18HUNNA” – Headie One and Dave

No matter what I say, this song is definitely going to grow on me like most British rap I review on this show does. I do have to say, though, I understand why this one debuted so high, because Dave lazily rehashes his “Funky Friday” flow in his opening verse. This production feels like a cheap, trash type beat downloaded off of YouTube, with its shrill piano, synths and badly-mixed bass. Headie One is pretty awful on here, barely staying on beat and literally cutting himself off mid-line and mid-rhyme scheme to even attempt to keep steady through what is a way too long verse, although I respect the Pot Noodles reference, I guess. Yeah, no, this is gutter trash. I’m disappointed in 1-6 here, because the “Funky Friday” beat is great, although to be fair, that was co-produced by Dave. Get this out of my face.

Conclusion

What an awful week. There’s a reason I wanted to have an extra song that I could talk about positively, because this week was a constant fuel of garbage. Headie One and Dave get Worst of the Week for “18HUNNA”, with Dishonourable Mention going to human trash Chris Brown for “Undecided”. Best of the Week goes to that NSG and Tion Wayne song, I guess? Yeah, that’s a pretty dope song. See you next week, and let’s hope for “Voila”.

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