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stalkiwi · 2 months

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All my friends are laughing at something, happy about it, joyous. I remain neutral, merely observing the scene.

"Why are you not happy?" one turns to me, noticing my expression.

Because I don't get it, I reply.

"You just don't care about us."

I may not get it, I understand that it's making you happy. And it's what matters - I'm glad to know my friends are happy - I explain.

"You don't show it - you're lying." they blame me.

I struggle to show it. But it doesn't mean that I do not care - I simply cannot express it.

"You're always acting like that around us. Just tell us if you don't like being with us." they growl.

But I don't understand. I am myself around my friends. Isn't it a proof that I am comfortable to be with them?

"You're always silent, you act different, you make no efforts for us, you're not polite, you don't dress well, you don't smile - you really look like we're bothering you."

Should I be someone I am not? Am I being appreciated for who I am? Or for who I am expected to be?

"Don't you know social codes?"

Social codes make no sense to me. No matter how much I am being explained them. I ask nothing to anyone, I expect nothing about anyone, but to be respected, and I respect them in return.

"Respect is about making an effort to be agreeable around us."

To me, respect is to understand everyone is different, and to accept it - to not force them to step out of their comfort for you. That someone refuses to dress in an elegant way or to spray perfume when they visit me is not a message to tell me that they do not like me. It means nothing, in fact, to me.

"Don't you see you're making our lives worse? You're disgusting, you're needy, you're unpleasant."

Then why staying with me? If I am ruining your life by simply existing, then you should not be around me - it's what I say.

"But we care about you!"

I appreciate, but the "me" you care about is not who I am. I'm sorry.

#vent #text post #autism #today I hanged out with friends and I felt like a stranger #this is not what they told me exactly but more what I understood in how they treated me #I am used to it. I am used to being told all these things #but I can not understand them no matter how much I wrap my head around it #why does it matter? why should I adapt to other people?#I ask nothing to nobody #yet everyone asks something to me #I just wish to be with people who will let me be who I am #WELL! not a funny post at all. just a text idea I had in mind #I like that I did not used “” around the replies. Because these are things that I can't say in front of anyone. The words are stuck #it's just a snip of the mind of an autistic person when they are in “society”#I can't get it. I will never be able to get it probably. It's stupid to me #“social codes” are a form of hypocrisy to me. dishonesty. an act. a red flag. I will never be able to judge anyone based on it.

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perennial-bee · 11 months

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"trans people are only trans because of oppressive gender roles and if we just got rid of the gender roles nobody would be trans" might sound like a hot take, a thoughtful and compassionate take, but unfortunately it is ice cold and does not understand how being trans works at all. meet and talk to and listen to more trans people - preferably in real life - before making assertions like this, especially if you yourself are not trans.

#if this was true then explain to me why my friend is still a man even though his parents tried to raise him with as few #imposed gender roles as possible #every type of woman under the sun was thrust his way with the insistence that his sex was not a limitation #and a girl can be anything she wants and do and study anything she wants #he saw and appreciated all of that and at the end of the day his kid self was still like #'thats nice and i hear you but i'm growing up into a man. you cant fool me'#this is not every trans experience but it is not an UNcommon trans experience. so this argument just doesnt hold water #also if 'giving into your dysphoria' would have made you want to die #and accepting a gender that's in line w your bio sex makes you feel better #congratulations. you are cis #and therefore you do not get to speak to the trans experience #YOUR experience is valid. projecting your experience onto the trans community is wrong #it reads to me the same as someone who thought they were ace until they realized they weren't #concluding that therefore nobody is really ace and all ace people just *think* they are #and their hidden allosexuality can be 'cured' or jumpstarted by whatever set of circumstances triggered *your* sexuality #(knew someone irl exactly like this and it was deeply frustrating)#or thinking that gay people just need to meet the right person to be in a str8 relationship with bc YOU found someone like that #like no sorry...you're just bi #i could go on #i'm frustrated. i understand where this take comes from but it's really misinformed. you need to listen to trans ppl. start there

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tswwwit · 2 years

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The scene where other bill was beating tf out of dipper and the writing when bill was coming out of the portal*chefs kiss* written great

Thank you very much! I was worried about if I could write this okay, but it seems like it went over well!

I'm glad that we all can unite over Dipper getting his ass kicked, and Bill trying to look cool while being terribly concerned.

#Bill's established shall we say a very distinct reputation in the Other Universe due to his Having Feelings #Not that he ever directly said anything #He definitely wasn't nice by any means but Our Bill's bad at hiding stuff when he thinks nobody could possibly figure it out #The people there knew this because Bill admitted why he wanted to get back #A verbatim quote #'The longer YOUR guy's in MY place #The longer he has to chuck my husband in a woodchipper or something #The whole 'husband' thing was a major shock on its own #But there's also that second shock for anyone who thinks about it for two seconds #It can easily be inferred that you Actually Care if this one single human lives or dies from that statement Bill #Not that Bill mentioned WHO he engaged in matrimony with #Save that particular mindfuck for later #Our Bill has a certain amount of bizarre pride that he actually managed to get hitched though #It's not exactly something Other Bills would understand #Did I mention I'm really looking forward to writing the next part #Because I am

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luminarrow · 6 months

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nobody understands what its like to live with constant crippling paranoia and fear like "its not real nothings going to happen ur being overdramatic" Damn i know that boss!!! can you make my brain believe that for me

#ive live like this my entire life but it never gets easier #i wish somebody understood me i mean really knows exactly how i feel #but i see it so much just being brushed off as irrational but its liek i know its irrational i just cant help it!!!#i cant control it. i dont know how to make myself better boss #but anyway.. i think thats why i dont get a lot done. if im busy in the day i cant. i spend all night praying i dont die #i cant do anything then either. i wish somebody understood me #sometimes i cant even open the door. or look up. sometimes i cant go outside because im so scared #but nobody understands how terrifying it is for me. im not being silly i cant just get over it. i cant control it.#so i wish people understood #THATS MY POST FOR NOVEMBER !! GUARDS!!! SEND IT!!!!!

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bo0zey · 1 year

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being the oldest daughter raised by a narcissistic emotionally abusive father is just…👩‍🍳👌💋

#i don’t know why i always end up crying when i know exactly what to expect from him #the constant belittling then turning around and crying victim on how i ‘hurt’ him bc he can’t accept the fact that he did something wrong #i know i shouldn’t expect anything from him but it’s like this stupid fucking useless part of me during these moments is just #so heartbroken and frustrated because it’s not fair the child in me just wants to have a dad that cares and sees her as a human #nobody fuckjng cares if they hurt me and i don’t care if they hurt me either that’s why i hurt me too #he’s supposed to be my dad he’s my only parent left and he never should’ve been a parent to begin #i can’t believe how easily he turns things on me saying it’s my fault i never come talk to him and it’s like how the fuck #you were barely basically nonexistent the first 5 years of my life then barely there from then on out #how could i ever come to you how could i trust you just because i’m your daughter by blood doesn’t mean you’re not a stranger to me #you’re supposed to be the adult you’re my father you’re supposed to come to me and guide me why are you such a helpless fucking child #i do everything on my own i have nothing to say to you just like you have nothing to say to me #small talk only does so much i don’t want to talk to him i don’t care about our relationship #i’m just literally flabbergasted at the audacity he has to gaslight and manipulate me and ply victim when i’m the one he keeps hurting #it just reinforces the idea that my feelings are invalid my feelings have been invalid to him for the past 23years #i wish i was emotionless and unfeeling i wish he didn’t have the power to affect my emotions so strongly #i’m such a little kid i wish my mom was here i wish someone wanted to protect me and talk to me and at least try to understand me #i can’t wait to be dead i just want this to be over i’m just wasting time taking up someone else’s space #i think the only time i’ll be genuinely happy is when i’m dead #i don’t remember the last time i was actually happy unless i’m distracting myself #i’m constantly maladaptive daydreaming and when i’m not i’m at work trying to be a functioning an adult #but as soon as i’m home i’m back in my dream world where i don’t have to think about me at all #when gerard said When i grow up i want to be nothing at All that man read my my mind #ramblings #vent

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unidentifiedfuckingthing · 2 years

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the problem with trying to design a toomuchcore sparkledog fursona is the number of times you find out that all the pieces you wanted to put together dont actually all fit. on the same dog

#what do you MEAN theres no room for 6 horns and also ears and also wings. on the head.#this has been an incredible amount of labor btw. trying to design a thing with random bits on it as someone who fundamentally is incapable #of being ok with things existing without knowing the reason #i had a whole talk with kim about it how i was so mad as a kid that nobody would tell me exactly why perspective makes things a SPECIFIC #amount smaller when theyre further away or why you make something a SPECIFIC color when you paint lights and shadows not from references #even though as it turns out those things all had reasons and either nobody thought i would understand or they also didnt know #and just thought it was really weird that i cared and id just get over it

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woodnrust · 2 years

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*rocking in the corner of the room* i am comfortable in my identity people respect my identity i am wanted i fit in with others who share my identity i am not an outcast nor am i an anomaly

#jelly.txt #i'm doing BAD. i hate being mixed so much man #this wouldn't be nearly as bad if parents would've actually raised me but here we are!!!! i hate this this sucks i want to be adopted but #i hate the adoption terms. you take one look at me and you automatically know i'm hispanic but there's nobody else like me in this family #everybody in this family is white!! and at family gatherings before they have made it abundantly clear they don't want me there!!#but i have nowhere else to go!! i have no family who will ever understand me!! and this family said they'll only adopt me #IF i change my last name to theirs. and i said no so they're being stubborn and said they won't adopt me until i agree #and it's stressing me out because i don't wanna give up my last name. these are the last ties i have to my heritage #and they told me that's exactly why they want me to change my last name cause they want me to not have ties to my heritage #not only that but i also found out the reason why my records are so wonky and have different race/ethnicities on each file #for me is because my mom was ashamed of it and so she purposefully put in the wrong information for me at first #so now that's got me thinking about. if i had to fill out a forum for myself what would i put #because technically i'm mixed but i've been shunned from the white ppl of my family and i feel pride in being salvadoran #but at the same time when it comes to my identity as being salvadoran it's just me myself and i.#my family didn't even want to throw me a quince. because i'm the only hispanic person in the family so they saw no point #i just feel like theres so so many cultural experiences i've missed out on cause i'm all alone here. to the point where it's like #do i even have the right to identify as salvadoran? when documents ask for my race who will i be betraying with my answer.#because. i feel like the identity that fits me most on an entirely racial level would be indigenous salvadoran. it feels good to me #i've never liked the labels hispanic or latino because of the colonial aspect of it. but then there's the dilemma i talked about earlier #about not really fitting in anywhere. cause it's like. if i identify as this i'll be totally dismissing my white family members #but at the same time there's been very few of them that have showed me kindness. and none who haven't been insensitive to my heritage #so should i really feel bad about that? but at the same time... would other people agree with me? would other ppl be fine with me #identifying as indigenous salvadoran even though i've been abandoned by my family so never learned the culture authentically...?#sorry. this is long and i'm repeating myself but i'm just. so tired. so so tired. of everything.

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stellardeer · 2 years

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So I don't normally use tiktok but I do have it installed on my iPad and the only thing I ever did with it was follow my friends in an effort to show support.

Well yesterday the tumbly dash was dead, I finished all my work for the day, I was too tired to play games or do chores, and I was utterly and sufficiently Bored, so I thought "why not have a look at the funny videos?"

Only I did not get funny videos. Because I follow so few people, really only 1 of those people is particularly active, and the app doesn't have enough information about me to know what to recommend, I think that it was just assuming that I would want to see videos similar the ones that my friend(s) liked.

And it was all just video after self indulgent video of people going like "I'm not a bad person I'm just traumatized" "my trauma made me the way I am" "just little trauma things ♡" trauma trauma trauma, THATS ALL IT WAS.

Just the worst kind of echo chamber of "I don't need to examine my behavior or work on overcoming my faults, other people just need to let me do whatever I want and not get upset if I hurt them"

Like I get that we all just want to be seen, we want to be acknowledged, we don't want to feel guilty about doing the wrong thing, but the way that people talk about themselves on that app really just feels like they don't want to take responsibility for themselves and then they interact with 100 videos a day of other people with the same mindset until that's the only content they see and then they conclude that it is a normal and healthy mindset to have

Meanwhile in reality, no one is upset with you because you're sad or you're an abuse survivor, they're upset because you belittle them, ignore them, treat them like NPCs and then you wanna use them for free therapy. The solution isn't to make traumacore tiktoks about how nobody understands the real you, it's to just... stop fucking doing the things that are upsetting your friends.

#after seeing all those videos and knowing exactly which person its basing my recommendations on i was like...#damn wow now i understand exactly why you think and act the way you do when this is what youre exposed to on a daily basis #tiktok needs to be destroyed #there was one that was like 'when they dont understand that you just love too hard and all they see is your anger' or some stupid shit #like girl if you dont get tf out of here with that you cant weaponize your anger and then call it 'caring too much' stfu #they really said 'im not manipulative i just love too hard and nobody appreciates it :(' shut UPPP #EXAMINE YOURSELF

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cluescorner · 2 months

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Every conversation they have feels like walking through a minefield, though even that may be an understatement. You don't tend to feel love for the explosives that threaten to detonate and destroy your body and soul. Yet Bruce does love his son. Even with his always-armed fuses that could be tripped by the slightest movement it deems 'wrong' and nitroglycerine tongue spitting words that all but scream a desire to ignite then eviscerate everything Batman holds dear, Bruce loves Tim enough that braving the minefield is a foregone conclusion. He will do it because the alternative is never talking to his son again. Bruce would rather endure tonnes of tnt than experience the crushing nothingness of before.

^^^Is the most insane thing I've ever written and it's for my silly little writing challenge that has quickly evolved into something I can no longer contain my genuine enjoyment of writing. Like, oh my god I might be posting fic of this thing. I don't even like publishing my writing but I might just fucking do it at this point because jfc why do I have over 1,000 words of describing ONE RELATIONSHIP.

#randomizedrobinsau #it lives in my head rent free now wtf is going on #I am used to making amvs in my brain for the base characters. WHY AM I DOING IT FOR MY GOOFY FUCKING AU??#I was listening to goddamn Compass by motherfucking Mili and I thought of my fucking randomized Damian setting off on his own path #both finding his own way after his life was dictated for him by forces outside of his control and moving past his rocky introduction #into the family because as he's matured he's slowly realized that (while everybody involved could have handled it better) it was #absolutely because the circumstances at the time (coupled with the existence of the family's vigilante lives) were utterly horrible #does he forgive them? not entirely. is he going to leave behind the hurt because fixating on it is helping nobody and as much as #Damian's family has hurt him...he loves them and understand why it happened. and they love him and have displayed #that through both words and actions so many times. everything is genuinely better now. so Damian will let this be water under the bridge #as long as his family can accept his decision to focus less on vigilantism and more on his own aspirations.#if they can let him be an occasional participant and emergency reserve member rather than the daily patrols and constant efforts #oh my god #THAT IS THE SHIT I AM TALKING ABOUT #I WAS LITERALLY ONLY GONNA TAG THIS AS THE AU #AND NOW I'VE GONE ON A RANT ABOUT A RANDOM FUCKING AMV I MADE IN MY BRAIN TO DESCRIBE DAMIAN'S FORGIVENESS #WHAT THE HELL #this can't be healthy...but I already knew I'm not exactly normal so this isn't THAT surprising

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butimjustaliar · 3 months

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i still dont know whether guilt tripping people into donating to those in need is completely the wrong course of action or the only right one

#like it just seems wrong to blame people for israel commiting a genocide? but at the same time i understand that officials arent taking much #action making private donations the only option #but in my mind this shouldn't be up to single people but like idk the fucking government??? like they were providing shitload of stuff for #ukrainien people. why not also donate to those in need in gaza? but then also i know that depersonalising everything and saying “that's not #my fault or my business but the government's job“ is exactly the way NO change at all ever happens. just waiting for someone else to take #action and save the day #anyways #what do i know #it just feels like to much for me #i know people say it's cruel and an asshole move to say you're tired of people dying but it's the truth #i'm fucking 18 and all i ever hear is that people are dying and NOBODY cares #being fifteen and feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders is what made me want to literally kill myself and the only way i #somewhat got my shit together again was to tell myself that it's not my fault except is it really not? shouldn't i be donating shit to those #in need? but i dont even make money?#yet i definitely have more than they do?#pls just make it stop im BEGGING i cant do this anymore #just give me a lobotomy and send me off to the sea or drown me in a river for all i care but for the love of god pls just make it stop #hostmblr

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riaki · 5 months

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i literally cant stop thinkin’ about highschoolbully!gojo who used to be your ride or die ‘til he started getting attention from those popular jock type guys who are always assholes to everyone. and him being.. well, him means he preens under attention no matter who it’s from, so naturally he started to gravitate towards that group and their little troop of cheerleading fangirls. and then he started distancing from you and without either of you really realizing it, you’ve slipped between the other’s fingers. but the way he acts towards you makes you think he let you fall without moving a muscle to slow you down.

soon enough, a year swings by and by the end of it he’s gone from your life, save as just another face in the gaggle of boys who make crude jokes and laugh at smart kids and pop milk cartoons during lunch just for the hell of it. but you’re minding your own business, ‘cause you’re mature enough to realize that people come and go, no matter how close you might’ve been and you think it’s unfortunate that so many memories could be thrown aside in a blink of an eye, but it makes a lot of sense when you walk past satoru and his friends bullying some random kid. you don’t know him, but you’ve heard enough to realize it’s his girlfriend satoru’s flirting with while his ‘gang’ kick at the kid. and it’s sickening, but you don’t say anything when you walk by.

and when you don’t ever see the kid afterward and catch the dark eyebags under his girlfriend’s eyes, you come to the cruel realization that satoru isn’t the boy who’d bandage the scrape on your knee you got from tripping in the playground or buy you a soda because he’s noticed your sweat when you were walking home and you don’t have any money left on you.

it’s a glass half empty, half full type of situation. on the one hand, you don’t have him anymore. on the other hand, you don’t have him anymore. that is, you lost your best friend, but you’ve also lost someone who has the potential to absolutely ruin your life. and you don’t know whether to be glad or not, so you just mind your own business even if it hurts a little when he ignores you, stops tossing paper at your head in class (unless it’s to embarrass you) and stops walking you to and from school.

but the cherry on top of the shit cake is that he doesn't get it. so when he approaches you in the library one day after satiating the need to tear pages from books and make them into paper airplanes to throw at people, he doesn't seem to understand why you try to ignore him, or put off his attempts to hold a convo. but the worst part is that he's just sleazy and clueless about it. it's like he took an eraser and wiped every single year of your friendship off the chalkboard with one fell swipe, and you wish he'd done that too to the less-than-appropriate messages he and his friends had written towards one of your classmates.

he doesn't understand why you're hesitant to talk, and that's what makes it the worst. he always thinks he's in the right, and he keeps setting you off and it sucks that he knows exactly what sets you off. "i'm an asshole? what're you talking about? really, you're in over your head. you never change." he laughs, and you ignore him, and he gets bored, and he's about to leave when he spots your wallet open next to your book, on the table. there's a polaroid peeking out, and he recognizes the tufts of white hair to be him. but there's a weird feeling in his chest, and he thinks he gets it from you, so he leaves because he thinks you're weird.

and it goes on; you practically become a nobody in satoru's eyes, because of that weird, weird feeling you give him. it's unfamiliar and he's never gotten it before and he doesn't like it. but it's unavoidable when your professor pairs you two for the end-of-term project. and of course, you're ready to do all the work, because that's how it always was between you when you were kids. but sometimes he'd surprise you by helping, and he'd show you that he was actually intelligent just to earn your praise because he liked it. but he ignored you, and you did everything, and it would've been okay if not for his friends egging him on to present your entire project when the day came and leave you with no content for a grade.

that's the first time it hits him: does he really want to do that? but it's not like it'll be the first time; you've always taken the hits for him, because you're naturally smart and you'll pick yourself back up in no time, and you get why he does it, so it'll be okay. so he agrees, and he enjoys the time he gets to spend with you through it, but the nagging weird feeling that blooms in his chest like a pesky weed only grows stronger. that's all his feelings ever seem to do around you.

but before you know it, presentation day swings around. you had coffee this morning (on his card), and you're ready enough to shoot him a small smile that sends his heart a-flutter. so you go up, feeling up to the task and ready until— he starts talking, and talking, and talking, and people don't think that he's taking your words out of your mouth because he's intelligent when he wants to make you praise him and you don't get the chance to get a word in and you notice the guys are laughing and hitting each other's shoulders to themselves in the upper rows and before you know it it's over. people are clapping but moreso they're looking at you and they're whispering— but it's terribly loud and they don't bother to hide it. they call you things that shouldn't bother you but they do anyway, because it's satoru's fault, and you're such a fool for thinking you could have it your way again.

so you leave class early, excusing yourself and ignoring the way your professor gives you a distasteful look and scribbles something next to your name. you're out the door in a second, neglecting your bags and satoru's a little lost because— didn't he just do good? people were clapping, and laughing with him and not at him, but it's attention either way so he doesn't mind. so why do you? why did you look at him like he stabbed you in the back? and his friends are calling his name, and he wishes he could chase after you and do something but he doesn't.

and it's a little sickening what they do next; one of their girls grabbed your bags and tossed it to them, and they've started rifling through it as if they own it, tearing up your shit and dumping everything onto the ground and he's kind of just... glued to the chair by his feelings. his heart feels like it's been patched together and the weird fuzzy feeling he had in his chest that's been cultivating has extinguished to be replaced with something he realizes he's only ever felt when it comes to you— guilt.

he's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't realize his friend is silently offering him something— nudging his side to get his attention. he takes it without really realizing he moved his hand, and his silent friend with the gauges in his ears and the dark hair gets up and leaves without another word. when satoru looks down, he realizes he's been given your wallet. "the reward for betraying your baby," they call it. like all you're worth is the money in your account.

he's a little curious. that's how he's always been; asking you questions, rummaging through your stuff, laughing sheepishly and shaking it off when you caught him red-handed. so he opens it up, ignoring your sad little cards and the funny look on your license. he's looking for something, subconsciously; but he doesn't find it. there's no white tuft of hair to suggest his presence in your life; just empty black leather. nothing else.

and he doesn't see you after. or the following day. or the following weeks; weeks that turn into months that turn into the end of school and he's graduating but you're not by his side. and neither are his so called 'friends'; the only thing he has to their name is your own ruined friendship. it's a shame; he feels alone. very alone. no fuzzy weird feeling, not even that thing people call guilt. no attention to chase, and connections are ever harder to make. it shouldn'tve mattered that much, right? it was just a presentation. why wouldn't you just come back to him like you always did? were you not still friends...?

but the blood is still on his hands, and he doesn't manage to ever wash it off. guilt has a way of festering; of weighing on the heart 'till there's nothing left to feel or think but unfortunate circumstance and what could've been done differently. it just sucks that he never tried hard enough to keep you from slipping between his grasp. and now, he doesn't even have a polaroid to your friendship's name.

pt.2

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wolfiesmoon · 4 months

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When you wear their clothes

genshin men x gn!reader

characters featured: xiao, neuvillette, wriothesley, zhongli and itto

i've been dreaming about genshin a lot lately idk this game has possesed me or smth so i feel like i'm required to write this? Also DAMN im rusty with genshin characters so i apologise profusely for any ooc-ness

(also wrio's is kinda suggestive!!)

XIAO is confused. Why on earth are you wearing his clothes? He isn't opposed to it specifically, but doesn't understand the appeal or the reason why you do it. "My clothes don't fit you properly. What's the point?" he asks, completely straight faced. You smile. "It reminds me of you when you're not with me!" He just scoffs and says he doesn't get your strange habits before moving on with his day. Somehow though, the image of you in his clothes won't leave his mind for the rest of the day. "Dammit..." he mumbles under his breath, barely audible when nobody's around. Don't bring up his pink cheeks in the evening when he comes back to see you, he will not elaborate.

Similarly, NEUVILLETTE is also confused. This must be another human thing that he isn't familiar with. What does wearing their lover's clothes mean to humans? "Oh, I just missed you... your clothes remind me of you, you know?" You explained when he questioned you on the matter. "Oh, I suppose that makes sense. Do you want more items related to myself for when I am absent?" He asks. While you do want to know what items he would bring you, you turn him down. "I like your shirts the most, because they smell like you and feel like your hugs." He doesn't know why exactly, but he has the urge to kiss you all of a sudden.

WRIOTHESLEY feels distracted when he sees you in his clothes from time to time. He gets busy a lot, so the moments he gets to spend with you feel extra special. But, what is he to do when you look so positively yummy in his shirt? "Hey, mind taking my shirt off? It's... sort of distracting." he admits, taking a sip of his tea. "But, wouldn't it be even more distracting if I took it off now?" you asked, feigning an innocent look. He almost spit out his tea. "I did not mean it like that...! Surely you're just teasing me." You just smiled mischeviously in response, taking a sip out of your own cup. "That's what I thought. I know that look."

ZHONGLI thinks you look odd in his clothes. Odd, but not bad by any means. You actually look quite endearing. "I'll make sure to commit this to memory." he says calmly, sitting down next to you on the bed. "You say that every time you're with me." you poke his shoulder gently, smiling up at him. "That's because everything about you is worth remembering, I suppose." Still, he thinks this specific memory is one he will treasure for a long, long time. "Oh my..." you felt heat rushing to your cheeks at his words, hugging his arm. Actually, he changed his mind, you're positively adorable in his clothes.

You're basically asking to get attacked with a flurry of kisses if you wear ITTO'S clothes in front of him. That's like, a show of affection! That you're totally his and no one else's! And that also means it's a cause for celebration! "Agh, Itto- Stop!" you try and fail to push his face away. "Hehehe..." he gives you a bright smile and places a big ol' kiss on your lips. "You should wear my clothes more often!!!" he felt proud of himself, puffing out his chest. "Ummm, whatever you say..." you're kind of worried that if you do that, your face will never escape his lips.

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taylor-titmouse · 2 months

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hey i want to talk about how you should be promoting your work as an erotic author/illustrator

i'm writing this up because the marketing aspect of my work as an erotic author/illustrator is a science to me, and also because i'm the guy who gets unreasonably annoyed when i see other creators not properly advertising their work. you presumably want to make money off your work. this post will be written under the assumption you want to make money off your work but are doing a bad job at it. it will be very confrontational. if you read this and feel attacked you're right and i am attacking you.

this is geared toward selling erotic comics/writing/books/art as products. i will probably write more than one post about this subject so if i didn't touch on something you want to know more about, comment/send me an ask and i'll keep it in mind for the next one.

i will start with my first and least specific but most important point:

DON'T GET FUCKING CUTE

hi are you paying attention. i'm gripping you by the sides of your face. do not get fucking cute with what you are trying to sell. you are not a big enough property to get cute, nobody LIKES it when big properties get cute, and you are selling porn. you have to own this. you have to be up front about this. don't be tongue in cheek, don't be all teehee i wonder what this could be~, don't be secretive. you are selling a product. you have to fucking act like it. you are an adult selling pornography to other adults. i am GRIPPING your HEAD you NEED to understand this.

and to be clear when i say 'cute' i mean coy. i don't mean cutesy, as in the aesthetic. you can be as hello kitty pastel ten emojis a post uwu as you like when you're building your audience and generating hype. but when you start trying to sell, don't be vague, don't be sarcastic, don't mislabel your work as a joke and assume everyone is on it. because they're not.

you must always assume 75% of the people seeing the thing you are advertising have no fucking idea who you are. and that includes a huge chunk of the people who already follow you. they do not know who you are or what you've been working on for two months or why they should care about it. they just got here. somebody just reposted it. they are seeing it for the first time. most people are only looking at social media for a tiny chunk of their day. they are not keeping up with you. you cannot get cute about what you are trying to sell because nobody knows what it is until you tell them.

okay are you still with me. we are going to talk about clarity now.

YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT IT IS

good lord the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's comic or book and had no idea what's actually in it or what it's about. who are the characters? why should i care about them? what do they do in it? what is the premise of this thing you want me to spend $5 on? why would you not tell me? i'm shaking you again. please i have to know what i'm buying i only have so much money to spend on porn.

porn, arguably more than any other genre, relies on knowing exactly what is in it. you do not want to surprise your readers with a kink they were unaware of! and on the flip side, you do not want to miss out on your target audience! if your book contains a hot spider babe laying eggs in an elf, you have to say so. not just so people who don't want to read about eggs know it isn't for them, but so the people who are egg crazy can see that and go "oh fuck YES i love EGGS here is my $5 and an extra $2 tip for catering to me specifically". a contents/features list is as much an advertisement as it is a warning!

as for re: who the characters are and why should i care, i'm sorry but you need to learn how to write sales copy. you have to write blurbs. you have to get good at the shit that goes on the back of a book. we all hate it but we have to do it. i want to know who the characters are and what the context is. i, personally, am not interested in contemporary stories as much as fantasy and historical. please tell me what genre this porn exists in so i know if it aesthetically appeals to me. pull some books off your shelves and see how they do it. hell man go look at mine.

while you're there, note that every single book of mine has a sample of what's in it. this feels like such a no-brainer to me but again! the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's work and they don't show me what their work looks like! you gotta give me the first page or two! just enough that i know if i like the way your writing sounds, or the way you draw your comics! i don't know you! i am not going to trust that you're good at what you do just based on a cover. the cover is to get me to this step, it is not the only step. you have to show me that you're worth spending my money on!

to put it less cynically, you want to catch my interest. you want me to go 'oh i want to see more of this', you want me to go 'ahh i want to know where this goes!' you need to get me invested and craving more. earn my $5!!!

YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT EASY TO GIVE YOU MONEY

hey go look at your bio right now. go look at your pinned post. do you have a link to your patreon there? do you have a link to your itchio/gumroad/whatever? do i have to click more than once to get to the places you want me to go to give you money? why? why are you making me click twice? have we learned nothing from every website making you click an extra time when they make some stupid UI update and how much it pisses us off? i have already given up, i have forgotten you, i am not giving you my $5 today. put your links in the easiest places to get to them.

god literally as i was writing this post i went to go find somebody's itchio to see how they described their work and it was not anywhere on their profile. grabbing you and shaking you PUT THE LINK WHERE I CAN FIND IT. don't make it hard! make it easy! i am a dickhead sitting on the toilet scrolling, saw your post, and was interested enough to read further. but you made me go to your bio to find your linktree and oops i have already gone back to my timeline to look at the boobies in the next post. stop wasting precious bio space on DNIs and put your fuckin links there!!!

this is more for the twitter people, but: just put the link in the damn post. just say the word commission. just say it's for patreon. "wuh wuh the algorithm" it is not the damn algorithm it's that everybody hates advertising and nobody wants to retweet ads. putting slashes in the words doesn't do anything and you look like a fool. i have posted so much art that says it's 'a commission for ___" and it did exactly as good as any other art despite having the word commission in it. and by doing the slashes you just made it impossible for anybody to search your account for your commission information (which should be at the VERY LEAST in a post under your pinned tweet if you're not actively posting about them being open).

okay that went on a tangent i'm going to back to the point of putting the link in the tweet. put it in the first post. not in the first reply. don't tell them to go to your bio. put it in the post people are actually going to share. it's fine to put more information in the thread but people are only ever going to share the first post. so put the link there. you have to make it easy. putting links in tweets can hurt you algorithmically, even in the replies. so you're better off having it in the post that actually gets seen and shared. i don't want to open the tweet and scroll to get to your sales page where i ASSUME you will have put all the information anyway. put it in the tweet that just got retweeted by itself onto my dash!

also you have to share it a ton of times. i repost my shit every few hours when i'm trying to push a new product. as i said before people are not 24/7 looking at their timelines. they missed it the first time. they missed it the second time. they didn't get paid yet that week but they were after the eighth time and you reminded them again so they finally bought it. that i will still get sales every time i repost a book ad weeks after release says there are always people who missed it, or who only just showed up.

abandon your pride and shill. shills pay their bills. anyone who gets annoyed about it isn't giving you money in the first place. don't worry about looking like a sell out. don't apologize for plugging your own work. post about it often, post about it in different ways. post about it. post about it. you are not going to make money if people don't know you have something to sell them. if you want to make a career out of it, you need to act like it.

I DON'T HAVE A FOURTH POINT

kisses your forehead. i'm sorry for yelling at you. i've been making and publishing and selling adult art for the past two-three years and have got myself to the point where it pays my rent, and i got there by paying attention to what does and does not work.

please do your best to make money. i want you to make money.

as i said above i plan to write more posts on this subject, such as cover design, how to actually write sales copy, and best practices with running a patreon, but if there's things you would want to hear more about leave a comment or send an ask! i will probably be less aggressive on future topics. these are just things that have grinded my gears for a grip.

#tt talks writing #tt talks drawing

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hbmmaster · 2 months

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edit: disabled reblogs because this timeline is missing some important events. see the notes for corrections

so okay my current best understanding of what happened here is

a trans woman is the victim of mass harassment

she attempts to report the harassment to tumblr and tumblr does nothing

she posts about her frustration with tumblr staff in a way that directly provokes the ceo of automattic (but not in a way that's actually a credible threat or a bannable offense)

[speculation! this is not confirmed] the ceo is so offended that someone who dares to use the platform he owns would joke about him suffering looney tunes violence that he wants to ban her for this, but since she hasn't done anything wrong he can't do that. but since he's the ceo he can do whatever he wants so he goes through her account(s) showing stuff he doesn't like to the moderation team until he eventually stumbles upon something that actually does technically violate the community guidelines

the trans woman's blog is, for reasons that haven't been officially stated, superbanned in a way that had been previously used when a bunch of black activists were accused of being russian bots. every image she's ever posted is "removed for violating community guidelines" including images that in no way violate community guidelines

tumblr users notice that these innocent images have been removed and make the reasonable assumption that the reason it says these images were removed for violating community guidelines is that something in these images violated community guidelines. people are, understandably, appalled by the implication that a trans woman posting completely normal selfies would be a bannable offense

the ceo, in a move that literally any PR person ever would advise against, personally singles out the woman who was banned, giving explanations of why exactly she was banned that members of tumblr staff would go on to clarify were not the actual reasons. he is technically on vacation while this is happening so nobody is physically there to tell him this is a bad move

miscellaneous other users who posted about this situation are banned for unstated reasons

after getting some backlash to this, the ceo doubles down and digs himself deeper, even following the banned user to another website to harass her

some trans members of tumblr staff release an official statement condemning their ceo's actions, saying in particular that the reasons he gave for why the user had been banned were not the actual reasons, but without specifying why she actually was banned

#hbmmaster

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