#this kinda turned into a whole-ass fanfiction so I might post on ao3 too

[pesewla]

Thank you for the request, @bout-to-snap <3 

“This is why I don’t trust him!” Mu Qing fumed. “He’s literally the Lord of the Ghost Realm, Your Highness…”

Xie Lian allowed a small, relaxed smile to grace his lips. He was mediating a fight between Mu Qing, Feng Xin, and Hua Cheng for what seemed like the thousandth time. Though newly renovated, Puqi Shrine was still too small for these massive quarrels, and Xie Lian dreaded the property damage that would ensue if their swords were drawn.

Given all that had happened – the destruction of the heavens and defeat of Jun Wu – why were these three still at each other’s throats?

“I thought we were past this,” Xie Lian sighed. “We don’t get to see each other all the time, so can we please not fight?”

“Exactly, we don’t see get to see each other all the time, so can’t we talk to you in private?” Feng Xin said, fidgeting a little.

Xie Lian looked confused. “About what?”

“You expect me to walk away when you’ve just called me the scum of the earth?” Hua Cheng said coolly, examining his nails. “Gege, these servants are no good.”

“We’re not his servants!” Mu Qing exclaimed. Xie Lian thought it sounded like he was about to say “anymore” at the end, but cut off his speech abruptly, making the outburst awkward and clunky.

“Are you sure?” Hua Cheng asked skeptically. “Because when you’re with him, it’s like 800 years never happened, you can be his ever-most-loyal-servants again. The roleplaying is disgusting, and doesn’t absolve you from guilt.”

Xie Lian sensed the atmosphere in the shrine shift. He stepped forward again and raised his hands placatingly. “San Lang – “

“And what would you know?” Feng Xin demanded. “You can’t possibly understand what we’ve been through, at the time you were merely a mortal child.”

“I understand that you abandoned Dianxia when he was most vuln –“

“San Lang,” Xie Lian said. Hua Cheng’s lips instantly froze at the warning in Xie Lian’s tone; it was a lilt and a dangerous flavor that Xie Lian hardly used on anyone, and never on Hua Cheng.

“…”

“Why can’t they know, gege?” Hua Cheng asked softly. “Don’t you think they deserve to know? Frankly, their ignorance offends me.”

Feng Xin and Mu Qing had fallen silent, too, their faces both a few shades lighter. The word abandon seemed to always have that effect on them. Then Feng Xin regained his voice. “Ignor – know what? Taizi Dianxia, just what…”

Xie Lian had folded his arms, his mouth drawn into a line. “It’s old history,” he sighed. “There’s no need to bring things like this up. Do not shame me.”

“Shame you? When that came to visit you, he dismissed your fears as insan –“

Hua Cheng’s voice cut off for a moment, and the temperature in Puqi Shrine seemed to drop. Because, at that moment, an expression entirely foreign to Xie Lian flitted across his face: rage. Neither Mu Qing nor Feng Xin had seen him make that expression since his third ascension, and it didn’t suit him well.

It was gone as soon as it arrived, and Xie Lian’s characteristically peaceful smile returned in its stead. However, the faces of his two ex-subordinates were already white as sheets. Hua Cheng stepped toward, placing a hand on Xie Lian’s shoulder as if to hold him up.

“Dianxia, are you mad… at us?” Feng Xin whispered.

Xie Lian looked at him strangely, as if he had asked a very bizarre question indeed. “No… Not you.”

Hua Cheng snorted, as if he was thinking, too bad. Xie Lian’s face was soft. “In any case, I’m quite tired, so I think I will retire for the night. Please make yourselves at home.”

“Wh – you can’t – after –“ Mu Qing sputtered.

Feng Xin’s eyes were round. “Dianxia, does that mean… That time with White No-Face, when we were on the run… Was it really…?”

Xie Lian had started towards his chambers, but after being addressed, his shoulders tightened infinitesimally. Then, he turned back to the trio, his face still serene. “Yes.”

As if he’d been punched in the gut, Feng Xin slouched over. Mu Qing looked baffled.

“I didn’t tell you this because I knew you’d blame yourself. Yet, in the end, the only one who sinned was me. So, please, do not inquire further into this matter.”

With a nod and another smile, Xie Lian vanished into the back room, anxious to escape the conversation.

Feng Xin and Mu Qing were bursting with indescribable emotion. Some small part of Feng Xin fumed at Xie Lian for leaving them without explaining, but the rest of him just wallowed in a torrent of guilt, doubt, and self-questioning.

If the Taizi Dianxia wouldn’t tell them the truth, who would? Xie Lian had been abandoned with only his parents, who were long dead, so who besides him even knew what happened? The only people must be Jun Wu himself, and –

“Don’t look at me,” Hua Cheng rolled his eyes, leaning lazily against a chair. “I’m not going behind gege’s back for some backstabbing servants.”

“You’re the one who said we deserve to know,” Mu Qing argued.

“So? It’s gege’s story to tell, and he said no, so no.”

“How do you even know?”

Hua Cheng shrugged. “I was just ghost fire at the time. I had to watch.”

The corners of his eyes tightened, and a murderous look crossed his face. Unlike Xie Lian, his malice wasn’t bottled away, but instead broadcast for all to see.

“Watch what?” Feng Xin cried in anguish. “Why must you torture us?”

Hua Cheng snickered. “If only you knew your own irony.”

With that, he straightened and glided in Xie Lian’s direction, back towards the sleeping chambers.

“We – we’ll be back tomorrow!” Feng Xin and Mu Qing shouted at his receding back. Hua Cheng shrugged again.

//

That night, Hua Cheng was holding Xie Lian in his arms, and casually said, “Gege, this is what you did with Lang Qianqiu, too.” It wasn’t an accusation – it was never an accusation, just a comment.

Xie Lian exhaled. “I know.”

Hua Cheng’s voice grew husky. “Isn’t it enough that you suffered alone then, why must you be alone now, too? Why must you save everyone secretly, then endure their collective ridicule?” Then, “Is keeping it a secret truly doing anyone good?”

Xie Lian was silent. “Maybe I don’t have a good reason,” he finally said. “I don’t like thinking about it, really. I’m weak.”

“…”

“Although, looking back on it, I can’t believe that cute little ghost fire was you,” Xie Lian laughed. “You’d barely popped up and you already had a little cult following, so adorable!”

Hua Cheng grinned, but it was pained, like he couldn’t remember that period of his existence without discomfort. He said nothing, but his grip around Xie Lian tightened, like he was afraid of letting go.

Xie Lian noticed, and, after a beat of silence, shut his eyes. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

//

Feng Xin and Mu Qing would not give up. Day after day, they visited Xie Lian, demanding answers, so after months of heckling, Xie Lian finally agreed to explain what had happened all those years ago. When Xie Lian, Hua Cheng, Feng Xin, and Mu Qing sat down in Paradise Manor, Hua Cheng started talking first, trying to alleviate Xie Lian’s burden.

“…He’d wailed and screamed and cried and begged for mercy, but the people, having deemed him a sinner, continued without hesitation. Of course, his sinfulness was merely an excuse to save their own skin…”

“…After one hundred fatal strikes, Dianxia laid on his own altar, disfigured beyond recognition. Nothing more than a pile of flesh.”

Feng Xin was not the type to cry. So, when his eyes grew wet and then started streaming, Xie Lian hurriedly waved off Hua Cheng’s stone-faced words.

“Feng Xin, this was hundreds of years ago,” Xie Lian assured him, patting his shoulder. “It’s not sad anymore. Also, I’ve endured worse since then.”

This aggravated Feng Xin even further, and he looked like he wanted to cry some more. “I just can’t… when I imagine it, I can’t help it…”

“Trust me, whatever you’re imagining, it was five million times worse in real time,” Hua Cheng muttered darkly. He stared at Xie Lian with an odd expression, before languidly pulling him into his embrace.

Feng Xin looked like he wanted to rebuke, but in the end, could not. Thus, he motioned for the story to continue.

Xie Lian skimmed over his recovery period, the reformation of his flesh, and Feng Xin’s departure, but before he was in the clear, he was interrupted.

“So that’s why you asked me to leave?” Feng Xin said incredulously.

“There was no need to pull you down with me,” Xie Lian murmured.

“I thought you’d gone insane,” Feng Xin mumbled, nauseated. “I told your mother and father… I left you…”

Describing what happened to his parents was even harder, and when he finally got to saying how he’d put his own head in the noose, eyes filling with blood and collarbone cracking, Mu Qing jumped up.

“DAMN IT,” he roared, picking up a glass and shattering it against the nearest wall. “Damn it, damn it, damn it, Dianxia! What the actual fuck?”

Xie Lian peered at him. “Please don’t break San Lang’s things,” he tried.

“WHAT DO I FUCKING CARE? FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, TAIZI DIANXIA, HOW COULD YOU KEEP SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM US?” Mu Qing was panting, and Feng Xin was staring off into space, eyes empty. “WE COULD’VE HELPED! IF I’D HAVE KNOWN, I’D HAVE –“

“Come back?” Xie Lian questioned lightly. “Followed me until the end?”

There was a deafening silence.

“No… I wanted you both to break free,” Xie Lian said. “You had a future.”

“SO DID YOU!” Feng Xin cried, broken from his trance. “Why… why did all this… why must it happen to you?”

“For that, I have no answer,” Xie Lian said. “But, if it had to happen to anyone, I’m glad it happened to me.”

Feng Xin and Mu Qing looked like they’d been shattered into a million pieces. Xie Lian said ruefully, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

Mu Qing rushed forward. “GODDAMN IT, THE FACT THAT I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IT IS EVEN WORSE! WHY DIDN’T YOU ASK FOR HELP? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO USE US, RELY ON US, THAT WAS OUR FUCKING JOB AND WE…”

“At the time, you were ganging up with Middle Court lackeys to chase him out of spiritual lands,” Hua Cheng remarked icily, pulling Xie Lian closer to him.

Mu Qing appeared stupefied, like Hua Cheng had just slapped him. “San Lang!” Xie Lian admonished. Mu Qing sat back down.

Both Feng Xin and Mu Qing both looked like they wanted to protest more, but Xie Lian continued with the story before they could. When he described donning the white mask and preparing to unleash the Human Face Disease, both of them seemed to hold their breath. Hua Cheng described his rebirth as a ghost soldier, following Xie Lian’s commands but never believing that he would truly commit the atrocity.

Feng Xin was regarding him with something that almost looked like newfound respect, but Mu Qing turned his head.

The rest was all downhill from there. He described laying on the pavement for days on end, and the one farmer who’d salvaged his faith in human goodness.

“To anyone else, thousands of onlookers ignoring your pain and suffering before one did anything shouldn’t reinforce your faith in anything…” Mu Qing muttered.

Xie Lian pressed forward, practically sprinting through the unleashed Human Face Disease, taking the brunt of the curses, and then Hua Cheng dying for him for the second time. He talked about ascending into heaven, and asking Jun Wu to punish him for his wrongdoings using banishment and cursed shckles.

“…DIANXIA?!?” Feng Xin gasped. “IT WASN’T A MURDEROUS RAMPAGE?”

“Nope!” Xie Lian said cheerily, relief crossing his face as if he was pleased to be done talking.

Mu Qing’s face darkened, and he started swearing again. “I WAS FUCKING WONDERING HOW SOMEONE AS TALENTED AS YOU SPENDS 800 YEARS TRYING TO ASCEND, IT WAS ON FUCKING PURPOSE? FUCKING FUCK, I WANT TO STRANGLE SOMETHING! SOMEONE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO BREAK!” He clomped off in a random direction.

Feng Xin’s face looked shadowed over, too. “Here I was wondering how you suddenly had such bad luck. As Crown Prince, you’d never had something so egregious. Now, learning that you asked for it… it all makes sense.” His hands were clenched into tight fists, and his words turned into cries. “Why… why… why… for 800 years, we felt… we waited, we were waiting, for something, and we thought maybe you’d died, or gone crazy, or vanished… We…”

Xie Lian had approached him, and put both hands on his shoulders. It was an old, but familiar gesture, and Feng Xin’s heart immediately squeezed with pain and regret. He was at a loss for words, and everything seemed wretched.

“Feng Xin, I understand your anguish,” Xie Lian said softly. “But I became very close to becoming that thing which I swore to destroy. And, to be honest, at that point I didn’t care much for godhood. I lost everything because of godhood. What I couldn’t stand to lose was myself, not to that monster, not to anyone. So, please understand. I’m sorry I hurt you, but it was necessary.”

“WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING GOOD?” Mu Qing roared, coming to stand next to Feng Xin. “WHY CAN’T YOU EVER BE SELFISH?”

Xie Lian chuckled, and Mu Qing covered his mouth, as if the words had escaped by their own volition. “…I wasn’t being good, I was scared.”

Mu Qing swore more. Feng Xin, on the other hand, fell to his knees, his shoulders trembling. So, Xie Lian acted on impulse, pulling Mu Qing down to the ground, too. Xie Lian then wrapped one arm around Feng Xin, and the other around Mu Qing, enveloping the both of them in a hug.

“I’m sorry,” Xie Lian murmured again, trying to control their trembling. He couldn’t tell, at this point, if it was only Feng Xin, or if it was Mu Qing too.

“We failed. I failed,” Feng Xin said, and his voice was raw with agony. “Why are you apologizing?”

“It wasn’t fair to either of you… but I loved you very much, and it was like you were shackled to a man descending to the bottom of a lagoon. If I didn’t remove your chains, you would’ve drowned too.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, holy shit, I’m so sorry,” Feng Xin said, almost gasping through the words. He looked as though someone had drawn a sword across his Adam’s apple, and he was choking through the blood. “Taizi Dianxia, I’m sorry. I failed.”

“Don’t be so damn self-sacrificing, Your Highness.” It was Mu Qing, this time, and he wasn’t struggling against the embrace. “Every single fucking time. Disgusting. How can we even stop you? Something like this. Damnit.”

“I’m a bit tougher than I look,” Xie Lian assured him. “Drowning is no big deal. Pain will subside. Embarrassment will fade. And look, I’m very happy now.”

From somewhere far away, Hua Cheng laughed slightly. However, even Mu Qing and Feng Xin, who weren’t well acquainted with him, could hear that it was laced with pain, too.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to stay with you,” Feng Xin said. “I wanted to stay, I trusted you unequivocally, you’re my world. But it scared me…”

Xie Lian smiled. “I know. You didn’t have to say anything. Ever since you came to help me at Yu Jun Mountain, I’ve known. And I’m grateful.”

“Stop being so damn forgiving.” Mu Qing’s voice was muffled by Xie Lian’s robes.

“Why? I forgive you.” Mu Qing and Feng Xin seemed to collapse in on themselves. So Xie Lian repeated, “I forgive you.”

No one moved for a long time. The trembling intensified. “You’re so damn forgiving,” Mu Qing mumbled. “It doesn’t mean a thing…”

And yet, they were not willing to break away.

Even after 800 years, Mu Qing and Feng Xin didn’t think that they would ever get used to being dazzled by the Crown Prince.

#this kinda turned into a whole-ass fanfiction so I might post on ao3 too #literally the thought of this makes me cry #it shoulda happened in canon #pain central #hualian #fengqing #mu qing #feng xin #heaven official's blessing #hob #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #xie lian #hua cheng #xian le trio #xianle trio

[shnuggletea]

This is my first birthday gift inside the fandom. Sorry to all the ones I missed before; I wanted to write and post you something but I had no warning! I’ll do my best to get you next year!! 

I feel a bit lame, making this for @lavendertwilight89​ Bday while everyone else is making amazing new fics. But this is what she asked for lol! Hope you enjoy it Lavender and Happy Birthday!!

The continuation of After the Well Closes, find out what happens the day after as Inuyasha continues the story for you. Honestly, I could def write more chapters for this series. If you guys want them that is.

Anyway, you can read it on Fanfiction, AO3, Patreon, or read below!!

FORGOT THE PLAYLIST!!! CLICK HERE FOR IT!!!!

Chapter Two

“I love you. You’re mine. I’ll kill any bastard who tries to take you from me.”

― Samantha Young, On Dublin Street

He hated staying in villas. The homes of others or the ones opened up to all. The sounds and smells always kept him up all night. Last night hadn’t been much different; he’d had a fitful sleep and he was lucky for that! The physical (and though he would never admit it; emotional) drain the last two days had been on him? Chasing down Kagome and then making love in the hot springs had been a lot even for a demon. 

She was in his hold now and if Kagome hadn’t allowed him to curl around her last night, he wouldn’t have slept for the third night in a row. Her skin and hair blocked out the other smells of the house. Pressing himself tighter to her, he breathed her in greedily. The light herbal smell that was all Kagome now mixed with his scent. How much of that was their naked skin warming each other all night long and how much of that was due to him filling her with his… stuff last night; Inuyasha was sure he would find out later. After they washed and had more sex. 

A small thrill ran through him at the thought; making love to Kagome again and again. She was his, there was no doubt now. Like hell, he was ever going to let her go. And if last night was any indication, their lovemaking was going to be something amazing. What he experienced with her… there were no words. Other than all-consuming. Even now it plagued his mind. That might have something to do with her round, soft ass pressing gently against his groin. It was tempting; waking her up with his cock like a selfish bastard. She would be mad but Inuyasha was confident he could have her feeling other emotions quickly. 

But there were more important things to take care of first and he had already shared their first time in a public bath. Who knows who had heard and seen them? The thought made a shiver of disgust run down his spine; disgust at himself for his greed and at the possible others for theirs. 

Carefully, Inuyasha pressed his lips to Kagome’s shoulder before him, allowing himself to taste her skin for a moment before removing himself from her. Taking his arm and leg off her (draping one over her in a possessive manner) was easy but the arm under her slumbering head? That one proved to be a little tricky especially with her ebony and silk locks clinging to his skin and threatening to yank.

He took his time dressing, looking down at her sleepy face and trailing down her body as he did. Slightly curled into herself (clearly cold from the missing heat he provided) he took a few heartbeats to enjoy her perfect pale skin again before covering her with the blanket they had kicked off at some point in the night. 

Since she arrived alone and Kagome was a well-known Miko all over, Inuyasha thought it best she didn’t have a Hanyou in her room when she woke up. The last thing he ever wanted was to ruin her; her reputation, her body, or her soul. But he also couldn’t give her to another. It put him in a tough spot; as if he were between a rock and Tessiga. More than anything, he wanted Kagome as his mate. But the process? It would be painful and he never wanted to hurt Kagome. Ever. 

Marriage would be enough. For him and for her. She would be his mate even without the ritual. But it would mean he would have to watch her age and die without him. Without making her his mate, he couldn’t share his long life span with her. 

“Thanks for sharing that one, Sesshomaru,” Inuyasha mumbled to the gray morning sky. 

As little as he wanted to admit it; his stupid half brother was right. If he wanted to be with a human (even one as strong as Kagome) he would have to perform the Inu no Akuma no kōbi.

This was what he had decided; long before he and Kagome had sex but he still found himself struggling with it. There was no regret in choosing Kagome, just in what he had to do to her. The decision was made but that didn’t mean he was happy about it. Even now, he sat in the tall tree in the center of the courtyard thinking it over. Lost in thought, he missed the sounds of Kagome waking. The sight of her slowly opening the shoji screen barrier between them caused him to jolt slightly; the Miko catching him a little off guard. Even more so when she smiled up at him, warm and bright as always. 

It froze him (the ridiculous beauty that she was) walking up to him with her plump lips upturned in a warm manner. Her eyes sparkled from it and he had to swallow a groan when she stood just below him at the foot of the tree. Because their mixed scent on her skin wafted up to his nose and he took a deep whiff. All of it was exacerbated by the pink hew on her cheeks; her flush warming more than her face and making her scent stronger. 

“Good morning,” she called up, her pink cheeks turning red for some reason.

It caused him to feel a bit flushed as well. But that was because the color of her cheeks now matched what they had been last night while she bounced on him. His resolve to get her away from prying eyes and ears before making love to her again was slipping every second she looked at him like that. 

“Morning.”

Looking away and down at her feet helped him rein in his lust but not his cravings. He wanted her eyes on him. “I worried… for a moment… that you had left me again.”

The thought hadn’t occurred to him even once. At no point had he considered what she might think or feel; waking up alone.

He was on top of her in a blink, gripping her shoulders with an urgency he could only explain as fear. “I would never do that.”

Kagome wasn’t going anywhere so his death grip loosened but didn’t disappear, pressing his fingers into her soft muscles and rolling his thumbs back and forth. She was looking at their feet still but he could smell her skin as it got warmer. It forced him to swallow another groan. 

“You kinda did, didn’t you? Twice now…”

“I didn’t go far. I’m just protecting you, Kagome.”

She finally looked up, crystal blues stabbing him right in the heart. “I don’t want to wake up alone. No matter what. I never want to wake up and not find you beside me.”

Kagome wasn’t far from him to begin with so it didn’t take much to bring her all the way into him. His hands now on her spine, Kagome’s head curled under his chin while her small hands pressed into the back of his ribs. With his nose in her hair he rested his cheek on the hot strains, the sun already unforgiving on her dark colored head.

“You’re being so stupid, Inuyasha.”

His eyes (which he had closed to savor the sensations that was Kagome in his arms) popped open and he instinctively tried to pull her back to look at him. But her tight hold on his body prevented much movement. “What?”

She sighed heavily as if annoyed and sad. “You’re being stupid. Caring more about what others think? You’ve kept us apart all because you worried what others would think instead of what I thought. Even now! I thought you didn’t love me, Inuyasha. Do you understand how painful that’s been for me?”

He had caused her pain? No, he had kept her from it, hadn’t he? That was his intention; waiting to make her his until everything was right? So she never suffered the life of half-breed’s wife? That was all he wanted; for Kagome to be happy. How was that causing her pain? Inuyasha didn’t doubt it; he could hear the pain in her voice when she spoke. 

Inuyasha was still confused when she pushed him back and looked up, tears just starting to form. “This year; the year I’ve been back here in your time with you? It’s been a waste. I hated it.”

Before he could think about it (tell his body to catch it), his clawed fingers were wiping the fallen tear away as if to erase it from existence. A year. A whole year and he had spent it working hard to make himself worthy of the woman before him. A year he could have spent with her in his arms instead of at arm's length. A part of him always knew Kagome would accept him as he was. She had told him many times that she would. It was because of this that he wanted more than anything to deserve her love. 

But now; he could see how he had been stupid. 

A year of her short human life was gone. Wasted. Once they were mated, it wouldn’t matter how many years passed. But now, every second mattered as she aged every one of them without him. 

With one cheek already in his hold, he grabbed the other and cupped her face in his hands. It wasn’t that she was going anywhere or wasn’t giving him her full attention. Inuyasha just felt like holding her. “Today will be the last day you ever wake up without me beside you.”

It was a promise he could and would keep, bending down to fold her lips in with his. Inuyasha’s intention was to reassure her; to keep giving her pieces of himself that he had never given to anyone else. His gentle and loving side. But it quickly spiraled into his needy side, sucking her lower lip to play with between his teeth. And then she brushed his fang with her tongue. It was like a shot of hot blood straight to his groin. Actually, that’s exactly what it was and Kagome had to know it too with her pressed tightly to him. His eagerness to repeat last night was literally poking her in the belly right now.

All of that was all brought to a screeching halt with his ears picked up on the sound of shuffling feet. In his attempts to be gentle, Inuyasha pushed Kagome away just after they were in sight. Which meant two women (carrying trays of breakfast) caught their lips locked. 

The flush Kagome wore wasn’t the same as the one she wore when they made love but it was close. She didn’t push his hands off of her either but that didn’t really surprise Inuyasha. Kagome was shy about public affection but not being with a half-demon like him. He knew her well enough, after all these years, to know that she wasn’t ashamed of him in the slightest. 

Released but still close, Inuyasha watched Kagome while she watched the women. Her face pointed mostly to the floor, she looked at them from the corner of her eye while he watched Kagome openly. “Are you ready to go?” Her head and eyes popped up to him, slowly nodding as if not quite sure. “Good. I have something I want to show you… someplace to take you.”

He tugged on her yukata and Kagome blushed again. She had forgotten what she was wearing out here with him. Inuyasha didn’t mind; she could wear yukata’s all day every day for all he cared. The way the fabric clung to her curves and cinched tight to show off her thin waist? He couldn’t help but note the nice round shape of her hips; perfect for baring pups. 

One thing at a time, Hanyou.

Inuyasha quickly shook the thoughts out of his head and stood still to watch Kagome’s backside as she hastened back to her room… their room to change and pack. He found himself looming by the door, considering going in to help her undress. Her shadow danced on the door as she moved around and he listened to the hurried and excited breaths that left her. Inuyasha had to take a step back and focus on anything else before he burst into the room (full demon probably) and took Kagome roughly on the fucking floor if he had to. 

Back where she found him that morning, Kagome looked around again and then looked confused when she found him back in the tree. They said nothing about it, Kagome not pressing as he collected her and put her on his back. 

Ever since Kagome returned, there were many things that hadn’t changed and few things that had. For example; their means of transportation. Kagome never hesitated to get on his back and he never stopped offering to carry her. But since she returned (traveled back through the well just to be with him) something had changed when he had her on his back. This time was no different; her thighs in his hands and her chest against his back? It made his heart race like no one ever had in his entire life. With her heat pressing from his shoulders down to his lower back; he was covered in sweat from the combination of running and Kagome’s warmth. She had to notice but just didn’t seem to mind. Like his sweat didn’t disgust her. Like so many other things that should disgust her but didn’t.

They were nearing the place Inuyasha was taking them and his nerves started to act up. That was the thing about Kagome and Inuyasha. The thing that made him truly realize just how important she was to him. Kagome made him feel things. Fear, sadness, anger, jealousy, care, happiness, friendship, love. When he was with Kagome it was the same as when he was human. Controlling his emotions was difficult. 

He never told anyone this because it was just like the nights of a new moon. Kagome was his weakness and it had nothing to do with his mixed blood.

So now (as they neared their destination) he was shaking. If she didn’t like it… well he would just fix it. He would do anything for Kagome. Another thing he would never tell anyone. With Naraku dead, things were safer. That didn’t mean that Kagome didn’t terrify him from time to time. Now was one of those times; slowing to a stop and letting her down. 

Kagome was already awestruck. And confused, turning back to him with it clear on her face. “I uh… I built this… for us.” Her face went back to awestruck, swiveling around to face the tall structure (a small and simple hut for two). First, she wandered her way over to the overturned ground; the black dirt smelling sweet to the half-demon. “We can grow food here. And herbs so you can make your medicines.”

She glanced back at him; silent and he was starting to get worried. Leaving him behind, she made for the door and hesitated slightly before opening it. Inuyasha already knew what she would find. A small kitchen to the left with a small chimney like the one at her house in the future; so she could cook indoors. Two small tatami mats and futons that he ‘rearranged’ over a hundred times. Sometimes they were on opposite sides of the room from one another (days he and Kagome had a fight) and other times they were on top of each other (the day they would makeup or she petted him). The distance between the two beds varied from a few inches to a foot depending on his mood and their relationship. It was only luck that they were so close together now since he had tossed one outside the day when Kagome left by herself for work before putting it back hastily and going after her. 

Kagome was taking in the place and even with the sun high in the sky, it was dark inside. The irori was silent so he stepped back and speeded away to grab some wood. She was looking around the kitchen when he returned. He had a fire going by the time she faced him; her inspection was complete. 

“You built this place?” He nodded silently. “Built it… for us? To live?”

He nodded again and Kagome took her eyes from him. When he smelt the salt of her tears, a hand squeezed his heart. Fear. There it was and it was like bad meat that he wanted to avoid ever eating again but still slipped up from time to time. “If you don’t like it, I can change it. Whatever you want, Kagome.”

She sniffled and swiveled fast, practically glaring at him with her face shimmering from tears. “Change it? Are you mad?? I love it!” Relief. It washed over him like a balm and soothed deep in his bones. “I can’t believe you did this all by yourself?”

“Feh,” he said with a shrug, “most move in with the wife’s family. But… you gave up your family for me so this was the least I could do.”

There was a fire in her cheeks and mischief glowed in her bright blues. And it had nothing to do with the fire. “Wife’s family? Are we married now?”

She smirked at him but he hadn’t misspoken. His embarrassment was seeded in the intimacy of the conversation; a flush blooming on his face. “Keh, you think, after last night, I’d have any other intentions?”

He watched as her smirk dissipated to a blank look. Then as the corners of her lips pulled upwards in a smile. It all felt as though it was in slow motion; the difference in speed between a human’s reaction time and his demon brain. “Guess it’s a good thing I brought all my stuff with me then, huh?”

At that, she set her bag down and his heart actually trembled. They were really doing this; Kagome was going to live with him. There was nothing in this world he wanted more than to have a long and happy life with her. Which meant there was still one very important thing they had to do.

“Kagome…” she was busy placing her things around but stopped to look Inuyasha in the eyes when he spoke, “there are things that… we need to discuss.”

When he sat down next to the fire, she joined him without another word needed. They were now waiting; both of them. Kagome was waiting for Inuyasha to spill the beans and Inuyasha was waiting for the words to come to him. He had spent the better part of the year thinking over how to say this to her. How to ask or tell Kagome to be his mate. And explain what it would entail. He had thought it would be… easier to talk about after they had sex. But it was almost the opposite; desire flooding his loins at the thought of being naked with Kagome again. 

This was important, dammit. You have to get it right so stop thinking with your dick!

Drawing in another breath (at the point of dizzy with all the ones he had already taken) he decided to just spit it out. “Will you mate with me?”

Kagome looked a little lost, her head tilting to the side to look at him with curiosity. “I thought we did that last night?”

“No,” he stuttered, pushing through his hard flush, “that wasn’t it. It’s… different.”

He couldn’t look at her, staring at his hands in his lap instead. When her soft and dainty hand traveled into his sightline. She took his hand in hers; never threatened or worried about his sharp claws. “As far as I’m concerned, we’re mates already. I’m not going anywhere. I love you and you love me. What else is there to be mated?”

It had never occurred to him but Kagome might not want an extended life span. He really wished he had thought of it sooner so he was ready for a retort. “I’m a demon so I will live longer than you.”

She pulled away at that and dropped her gaze. “I see. I don’t mind giving you my life, Inuyasha. There’s no one else I want besides you. And I understand if, once I’m gone, you love another…”

“That’s not it…” now he grabbed her hand instead, pulling her closer to him, “if we mate, it’s for life. My life. You and I would live the same length of time. Together.” Her brows pinched together and when she didn’t give him a ‘yes’ he started to get nervous. “Please… Kagome I will never ask you for anything else as long as we live. Just… live with me. I know… I know I’m being selfish. And I’m sorry… no, no I’m not sorry. I’ve lost everyone I’ve ever cared about. Over and over again. I won’t apologize for wanting to keep you by my side forever. You promised to stay by my side, dammit…”

Kagome was in his lap, cutting off (what promised to be) a long rant. “Hey, calm down!” He did instantly because it was Kagome. “I’ve never considered it. I was happy with the idea of being with you for my life, not yours. I guess that was pretty selfish of me.”

He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face into her chest. The feeling of her heart, tapping against his forehead; it was a feeling he never wanted to miss and he was sure of that. “Please Kagome…”

“Okay.”

Ripping upward, he was about to question it but decided against it. Inuyasha really didn’t want her to change her mind. So instead, he crushed her to him. His mouth was ravenous on hers; in part, to being so damn grateful she would be his forever but also because she was in his fucking lap. 

With her hands in his hair (tugging a little rough with her want) he vaguely wondered (if she said no) if he had it in him to force the mate on her? It’s not as if she knew how to mate. To her, it would have seemed like the hard fuck of a dog demon. But that was if he forced it; she wanted it so he was going to be gentle.

Then again; Kagome ran her tongue along his lips and got up just enough to spread her legs around him. With her legs wide, her scent filled his senses. It was now or… much later after several rounds of straight-up lust taken out on her body. Inuyasha also had to be considerate though. Because Kagome was still a Miko. Mating was a marriage for a demon and although not enough for her to satisfy expectations, it was better than nothing. They would have a human marriage soon but the clock on Kagome’s life was ticking so loud now; he could barely hear himself think!

Carefully, he pushed Kagome back until their lips popped apart. “I need to explain how the mating works first,” he said, pausing to thread a curl behind her ear, “you need to understand so you’re not scared. It can get messy.”

“Yeah, you said that before. When have I ever been scared, Inuyasha?”

With that, he picked her up and plopped her back on the floor, sitting her in front of him. “This is different! I’m not even sure what will happen; if my demon will take over and go nuts,” her breath and heartbeat spiked with his words but he ignored it for now, “but I know it will be painful for you and I don’t want to cause you any pain…”

Kagome rose to cup his face and effectively cut him off again. “I’m not afraid. And you shouldn’t be either. We’re doing this together.”

Inuyasha took a moment to lean into her touch and take a deep, calming breath of her scent. “Okay. You trust me?” She nodded with a soft smile; just as he knew she would. “Then… strip. And submit to me.”

The confusion on her lovely face quickly turned to embarrassment, a bright red coloring on her cheeks as she began loosening her robes. He watched her in a trance until her skin peeking through the cracks she made woke him up. Catching up quickly, Inuyasha removed his clothes as well, until he was sitting with his legs under him, his hands resting on his knees. 

He was exposed; completely naked for the woman he loved. Although ashamed, he soon found himself looking at a naked Kagome once again. She copied him, her legs under her luscious ass and her hands on the tops of her thighs; curly black hairs sticking up between them from her mound. It only took a few moments of watching her breasts rise and fall with her anxious breaths to get him aroused and ready for the task of mating. Worry and fear still buzzed at the back of his head and deep in his heart, but it was hard to think about that too much with his need to claim her screaming in his head. 

Inuyasha was a demonic cliche and he really didn’t give a fuck.

“Submit, Kagome.”

She didn’t move, looking him over as he had her. Then she stared into his eyes as if she could find what she was looking through them. His anticipation was growing and it was evident in his breathing. It was when a lopsided grin flipped up on Kagome’s face that his heart skipped; watching as she turned from him and gave him her back. Soon, he was drooling. Because Kagome was on all four, offering up her hindquarters to him. 

“Cheeky Wench.”

Her response was to giggle and he crawled over to her. His demon was raging inside him to take her but he wanted to be gentle. As much as he could, he wanted to make Kagome enjoy this. It was only their second time together and now more than ever he was glad they at least had sex once before trying to mate. 

There is no try, only do.

Now his inner voice was starting to sound like Kagome; a line she said so many times now (laughing for some odd reason) that it was ingrained in his subconscious. But it was right; he didn’t want this mating to fail, he wanted to succeed. In case it didn’t, he needed to make sure Kagome was willing to try again instead of scared stiff.

He dug between her thighs tenderly and pushed her legs apart a little. Then he pressed a finger to the swollen flesh just above her entrance. The whimper she released and the heated scent of her skin told him he was on the right track. Rolling his finger around got him warmer. When he found the hard, small nub inside her skin and she moaned loudly, he knew he was dead on. 

Kagome was wiggling her hips without shame and he watched her without shame as well. She wiggled so much, his digits slipped and found her wet, pink entrance instead. Kagome sucked in a harsh breath and held it. So he let his finger sink deeper inside her, getting a lovely moan as a reward. A hand on her hip to keep her still on his clawed finger, he slipped another digit inside and slowly pumped them. He didn’t dare coil or wiggle, afraid he would nick her delicate insides. But Kagome didn’t seem to mind, trying to rock back and take more of his touch inside. 

He was straining, feeling like he might pop if he didn’t get some relief soon. With Kagome dripping around his fingers, he couldn’t even focus on something else to try and calm down. 

Inuyasha took his hand from Kagome, placing it on himself instead to guide his way in. It was tempting; to just make love to her instead of doing the mating ritual. But he needed it; needed her in his life. The seconds were precious to him so he put his tip in her entrance and leaned over her. 

He took in her appearance, her hands in tight fists pushing her up off the floor as she panted her hot breaths into the smooth rocks he placed around the fire pit. Her hair was in the way, taking a moment to be tender as he brushed it up and over her shoulder. Then (to a T for the Inu no Akuma no kōbi) he used his nose on her neck to push her down further. When he could get his hands on the ground next to her hands… he dug his fangs into the back of her neck. 

The tang of her blood filled his mouth and coated his tongue while her pain-filled gasp and whine burned his ears. He had her pushed all the way down, her face and shoulders now pressed into the floor. It was now that he could enter her, slowly pressing his hips upwards until he filled her completely. He quickly got lost in her what; unsure where he ended and she began. Inuyasha reveled in the feeling of oneness for a few moments while he could stand it.

Kagome had her eyes closed; to the pain or the pleasure, he wasn’t sure but he hoped the latter as he pulled himself in and out of her. Her walls sucked hard at his shaft and he was quickly losing himself to the sensation. He couldn’t forget himself completely; keeping her pressed to the floor with his fangs in her skin. Or lose his concern for his mate, making sure she was still breathing freely before picking up his pace. Inuyasha was careful, making sure his cock pulled in and out fluidly while his hips only gently tapped Kagome’s ass. He didn’t want to jar her and rip her skin more with his fangs. 

She was softly moaning under him but it wasn’t the same as last night when she was crying with wild abandon. They both had to ‘release’ from this; she had to fully submit to him and he had to give her all he had. If she didn’t orgasm and if he didn’t give her his… stuff, then the mating wouldn’t be complete. 

Balancing himself, he took one hand from the floor and found the skin between her legs. The skin that she liked so much when he touched it. Soon, he was rubbing and she was panting, whimpering. More than anything, he wanted to comfort her. Encourage her. But he couldn’t remove his fangs from her or let her rise from the floor until they were done and he didn’t want to risk speaking through her skin. 

Kagome was twitching; her insides and her hips as he rubbed her. With his fingers and with his cock. Warmth flooded him from her, a wash of hot liquid that coated him from his tip to his balls. It had him closing his eyes too, giving in to the sensation that was mating with Kagome. 

Her breath hitched; that was his only warning as her insides clenched around him. It had been hard to pull from her before but now it was as if the vortex that once plagued Miroku’s hand was now inside Kagome, sucking him back in again and again. It caused a growl to rumble in his chest as she started to cry out. This was it; the end of the mating. They had made it. And as Kagome called out (his name on her lips) he stopped and let her body milk him the rest of the way to his end. He couldn’t stop the heavy groan that he released against her neck. As the last of him spilled out into her, he carefully pulled his fangs from her flesh. Another moan released from her that hinted at pain. 

Once he was sure they were both done, he moved quickly. Fangs removed, his cock was next. Then he scooped her up from the floor to cradle her in his arms tightly. “That’s it, Kagome. You did good.”

She purred against his neck, limp in his hold. “So did you.”

Tension (he hadn’t realized he’d been holding) released at her words and the feeling of her smile against his skin. With the tingling under his skin; feeling her breaths and heartbeat instead of just hearing them, Inuyasha was sure they had (in fact) been successful. Even with her words of encouragement and the pleasure he had felt from the all-consuming ecstasy that was making love to Kagome, he was glad they didn’t have to do that again.

“I’m sorry.” He said finally, wrapping a hand around the top of her spine where his teeth had broken her skin. “This is what I meant about it being messy. And painful.”

Kagome just shook her head against his chest; hairs wet with sweat tickling as they brushed his skin. “I think you’re giving yourself too much credit. Or not enough. I… I really… enjoyed it.”

Her heart raced and he felt it. It made his heart race in return. “I’m not going to be rough with you ever again, Mate.”

There was a wicked look on her face when she lopped her head back to look up at him. “Oh yeah? I think I’ll make you eat those words someday.”

He huffed. “Keh, yeah right. Someday.”

There was a challenge in her eyes that he knew was going to come back and bite him someday. Someday. They had a lot of those together now. 

“Do your worst, Mate. I’ll be right here to take it just as you will be here to give it.”

@underwater0phelia @lavendertwilight89 @mamabearcat @nartista @nopenname22 @echobows @superpixie42 @smmahamazing @redflamesofpassion @jme-chan @cstorm86 @cicleydark-light @ruddcatha @lavaffair @kirrtash @sistasecbhere @inusgirl @obsessandfangirl @britonell @lordofthechips @mcornilliac @faolenwolf @classyhumanathletepalace @keichanz @phoenix-before-the-flame @artisticloveexpressitsall @lamuertadehambre @noyourenotreal @mitty-san @thenoammonster @little-deeluna @royaltrashpanda @sailorbabydoll92 @storyweaver2017 @malditamigs @adorabubblesblog @lilms-obsessed @petri808 @anniehcresta @fan-dumpp @itzatakahashi @utakuprincess @theschultinator @all-too-ale @little-inukag-obsessed @theseagullqueen @queenofthesquirps @inusgirl @jolinaaa00 @knowall7k @neutronstarchild @fawn-eyed-girl @eringobroke @sapphirestarxx​ @clearwillow​ @dangerouspompadour @tingaliciousky

#happy birthday #for lavender #inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha fandom #inukag #after the well closes #cannon adjacent

[triptychexe]

who you ship in triptych says a lot about you...

long ass post ahead where i either drag or validate all possible generation 1 ships. 

if you ship: nia x eli you: probably watch stepbro x stepsis porn. the fact that nia and eli have actually expressed how they see each other as siblings and are extremely uncomfortable with being shipped together says a lot. no one's saying you can't ship, but please.... don't bring it up to either eli or nia.

if you ship: nia x van you: can't tell the difference between a healthy relationship involving two people of the opposite sex and a romantic one. seriously... this ship is WEIRD.

if you ship: nia x cal you: ... might be on to something actually. like they don't really have many interactions and they definately aren't as close as the other members are but... if they were to get together... that'd be kinda interesting.

if you ship: nia x asa you: don't have the WORST taste, but if you ship asa with anyone other than yen, teo, or eli, be prepared to get absolutely slaughtered.

if you ship: nia x ura you: have taste. emmaculate, actually. the way that they subtly show how much they appreciate each other and how they interact so gently but meaningfully.... could be beautiful if they weren't so close.

if you ship: nia x zim you: are a basic bitch. everyone ships this. it's one of the biggest ships. it's still a good ship, but it's overdone.

if you ship: nia x yen you: probably sexualize lesbians TO THE MAX. the only reason why people started shipping them was because they mentioned in an interview how they went through a rough patch during debut era and now everyone writes smut about them hate-fucking smsdjfghs

if you ship: nia x teo you: probably only ship it platonically. we all know that they have a very sibling-like relationship. it's a wholesome ship if done correctly.

if you ship: zim x eli you: hm... actually.. it's not that bad. they definitely are bros, but they would be cute together if they weren't in the friendzone. i bet you keep this ship secret tho.

if you ship: zim x teo you: probably ship this platonically. they are literally best friends! they are so cute! everyone wants a friendship like this!

if you ship: zim x asa you: are a crack addict. this is just a weird ship. they are just... too bro with each other... the fact that zim has literally referred to asa as her "brother from another mother" has turned most people off from this ship. you have problems.

if you ship: zim x yen you: probably only stan girl groups including the female triptych units. you also probably are a wlw or apart of the lgbt+ community. we salute you soldier.

if you ship: zim x van you: are a weirdo UNLESS you ship it platonically, then you're an angel. zim and van have a really cute friendship and we don't need WEIRDOS like you to ruin that.

if you ship: zim x cal you: are good at making something out of nothing. zim and cal literally have no public content of them together. there's like 1 selca taken on zim's iphone 4s back in 2014. sometimes they'll be in the same frame together if you squint. you are literally eating crumbs.

if you ship: zim x ura you: are good at reading people. the way ura feels so comfortable around zim is super heartwarming and you KNOW ura isn't like that with anyone, which means what zim and ura have must be special.

if you ship: yen x eli you: hate asayen shippers. you tried to one-up them with this crackship, but its honestly just not working out. yen and eli don't have a whole lot of public content. keep reaching tho.

if you ship: yen x teo you: probably think someone likes you if they complimented you once. teo and yen are on good terms and clearly they enjoy each other's presence, but c'mon... there's literally nothing there.

if you ship: yen x asa you: are a DETECTIVE. people have been analyzing asa and yens relationship since the dawn of time and you are probably no exception. asayen moments compliations are in your 'watch later' playlist on youtube. we been knew sis.

if you ship: yen x van you: think ketchup is spicy. all these van x female member ships are so weird, especially when van has hinted that he doesn’t want anyone sexualizing his friendship with the female members. yen and van have a good relationship, but it's obvious they are just friends. open ya eyes.

if you ship: yen x cal you: have been fighting asayen shippers since day ONE. you know that cal and yen are close, but how close are they really? you probably love conspiracy videos. you also can't be wrong about anything.

if you ship: yen x ura you: have the best fic recommendations. probably own an ao3 account. yen and ura together would be absolutely powerful. y'all aren't loud either, despite it being a pretty popular ship. arguably one of the best ships.

if you ship: eli x teo you: are a veteran. eli and teo have been shipped since the dawn of time. i bet you used to stay up late just so you could watch go getters on youtube right when it dropped. good times.

if you ship: eli x asa you: are a veteran, but a boomer. you probably sexualize the fuck out of this beautiful friendship. we all know you're a gay fetishizer, we're just waiting on you to say it with your chest.

if you ship: eli x ura you: deserve jail time. i'm not even going to talk about this anymore. literally gagging.

if you ship: eli x cal you: are constantly fighting other people who ship this. please stop asking who is the big spoon and who is the little spoon because y'all KNOW they are both the little spoon.

if you ship: eli x van you: used to ship eli x asa but then realized that there are better things out there... like eli x van. a really cute relationship and eli himself has even admitted that he'd date van. you aren't THAT delusional. only a little.

if you ship: asa x van you: read one teacher x student fanfiction featuring these two and decided you vibed with it. i mean... they just don't really seem relationship compatible? like as friends, yeah, they're great... as lovers?? imma have to pass.

if you ship: asa x cal you: are probably chaotic evil. why would you want the two most chaotic people in this whole fucking group to get together?? what's going on at home??? is everything okay???

if you ship: asa x ura you: just won a free trip to therapy.

if you ship: teo x van you: probably have them married on the sims. you love the idea of them being domestic and cute together. you have great taste.

if you ship: teo x cal you: believe in magic. teo and cal are so awkward around each other. notice how cal still uses honorifics with teo, but he's stopped using them with the other older members? hm. interesting. better get those eyes checked.

if you ship: teo x ura you: have daddy issues that you never sought help for and now you're projecting it onto two innocent people. leave them alone. they HAVE A BROTHER/SISTER RELATIONSHIP!!!!!! IT’S ONE STEP AWAY FROM BEING INCEST!!!! GROSS!!!!! 

if you ship: van x ura you: are currently behind bars! congratulations! rot! van protects ura from people like you. both of them are uncomfortable with being shipped. leave. them. alone.

if you ship: van x cal you: are the pure friend in the friend group. no one's gonna invalidate your ship honey. keep your head up.

if you ship: cal x ura you: only ship it platonically and probably are living vicariously through cal and ura to help you get over a toxic friendship. oops, was that too personal? anyways, you are valid. just don't ship it romantically and you'll still have possession of your human rights card.

#shit posting on my last day of spring break? yes. #triptych.memes #i'm not even gonna tag my koc nets bc this is just a shit post lmao #tyh.guides

[xiaomomowrites]

Anything You Can Do [Oneshot]

100 prompts: Rivalry Attack on Titan | Eremika

Summary: Much to the Eren's dismay, it turns out Armin is a better kisser than himself. "Wait, how do you even know this?" Mikasa sighed, "it happened when we were kids. I had always wondered what it would have felt like to kiss you. But like hell I was going to tell you that."

With the horrible looming threat no longer hanging above their heads, Eren has the time and energy to get hung up about the fact that Armin was Mikasa's first kiss.

Find this story on AO3 and Fanfiction! {ampalayeah | levi-nii-san}

A/N: Hooooo boy was this one a treat. Set post-canon, since both the manga and the anime have been driving me crazy and I just want my babies to be happy. I wanted to expand on Eren’s inner conflict when I edited this one because I just love getting into this head, and also I wanted more drama lol. More tea, if I may. Because, not gonna lie, Arumika has been so tempting lately. I also totally projected my own deepest desires (lolol) onto their cute, domestic life in this. I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing it hehe.

-

At first, Eren doesn’t quite know what to do with this piece of information. He doesn’t even think she meant to confess this on accident. It lingered in the air for a bit before he tried his best to swallow it.

Much to the young man’s dismay, it turns out Armin is a better kisser than himself.

Or so, that’s what Mikasa admitted. The silence in the air was biting, and awkwardness followed. Then came his response.

“Wait, how the fuck do you know this?”

Mikasa looked at him, her face flushed red. She hasn’t felt this flustered in front of him in a while. “Eren, please,” she starts slowly, “it was such a long time ago.”

“I don’t see your point.”

“Please let it go.”

“I think I have the right to know!” he seems so intense and invested in this topic, she finds it kind of cute. At twenty-four years old, this is the most riled up she’s seen him in a while.

It has been about a year since the end of the war. After a reasonable number of months spent grieving over their losses, the remaining soldiers were given freedom to choose whatever they wanted to do with their lives. And so, they lived a domestic life in the end. It wasn’t something Eren gave much thought to, given the things he was so preoccupied with for most of his life. She was happy, finally getting to settle down with the love of her life after all this time. And he was finally at peace, after calming down and learning to appreciate life around him.  It was nice, and it felt right, at last.

They were tired, but finally at peace.

And now that there was no horrible looming threat hanging above their heads, Eren had time and energy to get hung up about the fact that his best friend totally stole his girlfriend’s first kiss, once upon a time.

Mikasa hesitated, then she eyed him warily, “as if you’ve told me everything.”

His eyebrows shot upward in surprise. What could possibly be there to know? Instead, he nods in understanding and asks, “What do you wanna know?”

Mikasa didn’t expect it, and she hesitates for a moment, but she'd be a fool not to take the invitation. “Well, okay, when we were cadets in training, in the 104th squad, you and Annie-“

“Platonic,” he interrupts her easily. “I wanted to learn from her, she was cool, I admired her. But nothing happened,” He makes sure to catch her gaze before finishing, “I didn’t like her like that. Next.”

“Er, okay…" she fought the giddy feeling at his eagerness to please her. Something about knowing what he really thought about Annie, even if it's years later, felt relieving. "What about Historia, when we were part of squad Levi?”

“Historia? Who gets mad at Historia?” he was genuinely confused. “She never does anything wrong, how can you feel threatened by-"

Mikasa raises an eyebrow, now less convinced, and he follows her into their kitchen. “Okay, okay, nothing happened either, Mikasa," the sound of her name and the sincerity in his voice made her soft for a minute. "That whole situation was so fucked up anyway. We kinda bonded over it, I guess."

“I see," she says smoothly, grabbing a cup and pouring tea into it. She picks it up from the top, a habit she picked up from Levi. Eren watches, amused, as he felt a pang of guilt in his chest.

"Mikasa…" he starts, his expression gentle. "I had no idea these things bothered you…"

She chuckled bitterly, bringing the cup to her mouth. It felt really nice finally being open with him when it came to these things. "Well you were so nice to these girls, and so fascinated with them. It just...sucked since you were such an ass to me for a while. And I mean, I was young, so it may have made me feel a little insecure."

'I'm sorry'. It seemed to be stuck at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to reach out to her, to gently stroke her hair and tell her none of that shit mattered now that they were together. That she's the only one now that he's so fascinated with. She looked so stoic, unfazed, but he saw right through her facade. And yet, he couldn't say it.

"So uh, anyone else?" He asks instead, immediately regretting the missed chance.

"You tell me," she says, her hard gaze boring right through him.

“Nope, nothing else,” he tells her confidently, and waits until she finishes taking a sip. “Now it’s your turn.”

She lets the warm liquid go down her throat before giving him a pouty face, “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“Why not?” He’s riled up again; it’s cute, it's harmless. She tells herself she’s not just doing this to get a rise out of him. She also has half a mind to just drop it and stop entertaining him altogether. After all, if you ignore the problem, it might go away.

“Because then you get all worked up, and it stops being a civil conversation. Especially since…you know, your history with Armin.”

“What, because we fought back in Marley?”

She nodded, hesitantly, reluctant to open up that old wound.

“We’re fine, Mikasa. We’re still friends,” he assured her, genuinely. “That’s why he’s coming to visit, right?”

“Hmm,” she hummed in response, taking another sip.

It was true; in fact, that’s how this whole mess got brought up in the first place. They started off discussing Armin’s plans to come visit them for the week, then they started reminiscing over childhood memories, which had eventually led to Mikasa revealing that Arming had been her first kiss when they were kids.

The nail on the coffin was when Eren just had to ask if he was any good, and when Mikasa initially said yes as a joke, it was game over.

She was being stubborn, he mused, perhaps he just needed to gently coax the answer out of her (never mind the fact that he just wanted to get close to her).

“Please tell me,” he takes a step towards her tentatively, waiting for her to completely invite him into her bubble. She sets the cup of tea down on the counter and turns to face him, enticed by this display of gentleness. Eren pushes a strand of hair behind her ear and lightly tilts her head up to catch her gaze. When her wide eyes told him he had successfully charmed her, he continued, “it’s important to me.”

“Okay, okay,” she gives in almost immediately, blushing, and he smirks. “It happened when we were kids. We were…nine, I think. I had always wondered what it would have felt like to kiss you.” A smile tugs at his lips as the discussion takes a good turn. He wants to laugh, and kiss her. But she’s still talking, so he waits. “You were so cute and so nice to me, and we were kids. So naturally, I was curious.”

Mikasa played with the hem of his shirt, since he was standing so close and she needed something to do with her hands. A small amount of embarrassment was creeping up her cheeks. Then she adds, “but like hell I was going to tell you that.”

Eren lets out a chuckle that he was holding back, “Why not? You were a pretty girl, I wasn’t blind to that. I don’t think I would have objected.”

Her eyes narrowed playfully as she jabbed a finger to his chest. “Bullshit. You know how you were as a kid, always pushing me away when I got too close.”

“Ah, yeah okay, fair enough,” his hand shoots up to the back of his neck sheepishly. He did have quite the fascination with Mikasa for a good chunk of their younger days. He was just far too focused on other things to really give it much attention, and he’d be damned if she ever found out. But he couldn’t deny the fact that he had also considered a few times what it would have felt like to kiss her. It ended up being one of those experiences they just missed out on (well, he missed out on).

And now she was telling him that he could have, and probably should have just went for it.

“So wait…so, you asked Armin instead?”

“Yes, hun.”

“Why?” he watched her roll her eyes. “You wanted to kiss me, how is that the same thing?”

“Eren-“

“And he just agreed?” Eren scowled at the utter, petty betrayal by his best friend many moons ago, despite it being so trivial and innocent.

“I didn’t ask him to do it.”

“Okay, so he took ‘I wonder what it feels like to kiss Eren’ to mean ‘kiss me, Armin’.”

“See, you’re getting mad.”

“I’m not mad.”

She tried not to laugh; this was ridiculous. “Yeah, I guess so then. Maybe he just assumed I wanted to know what it felt like to kiss anyone, in general. Your nostrils are flaring again.”

Eren rubbed at his nose. This time she does laugh, it’s cute. Her grown-ass, war-veteran boyfriend was being ridiculous. “Okay, so what made him better?”

This time Mikasa recoiled a little, “I was joking.”

“Were you though?”

She thought for a moment, and her hesitation makes him uneasy. “You know I love you, right?” she redirects his incoming attack, picking up her teacup once again.

“More or less,” he jokes, wiping some of the liquid from the corner of her mouth with his thumb. She licks her lips and thanks him.

“Why are you being so insecure?”

He’s caught off guard for a minute, but when he gathers himself, he allows her to dig into these ugly feelings that were causing the issue to be blown up in the first place. A smile tugs at his lips; she always knew him so well. He takes her free hand and plays with it.

“I guess…I just feel…guilty,” he starts off slowly, tracing the scars and calluses on her fingers. “I wasted a lot of time pushing you away, and I know that Armin has always been there for you and with you when I wasn’t. It’s just adding insult to injury knowing he kissed you first. And apparently you liked it.”

“We were kids.” She reminds him again. His face falls at the fact that that was her response, and she gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Alright, I don’t know, I guess he was just so much gentler. Like he was trying to show affection, instead of trying to win a fight against me with his mouth.”

Eren raises an eyebrow, his proximity teaming up with his next response to catch Mikasa off guard, “I thought you like it rough. At least that’s what it seemed like last night.”

He watched her tough expression falter and a mischievous smirk played at his lips. He had her right where he wanted her when she ducked her head ever so slightly to hide the cute blush forming on her cheeks. He sees it as an opening to possibly redeem himself and change her mind; so he leans in to try to kiss her (to prove her wrong, damn it – to show her that he was better and there was no competition at all), but she stops him just in time, suppressing a laugh at his frustration.

“Eren,” she reprimands, and he obeys. “Not all of your problems can be solved with more aggression.”

When he realizes what just happened, he pouts, “Mikasa…”

“We’ll talk later, okay?” she downs the rest of the room-temperature tea and drops it off at the sink as she walks past her devastated lover. “I have to finish cleaning for when Armin gets here.”

All he could do was raise an eyebrow, confused, as she kisses him on the cheek and takes her leave.

-

The first day Armin spends with them was more or less pleasant. Mikasa seemed to be genuinely enjoying his company as they sat down to catch up on life. But there was something heavy residing within Eren, weighing down his shoulders and his smile.

He did miss Armin, and his presence was something nice. It would be such a waste to let this go to shit just because Eren was feeling a little petty and hurt.

"Hey, uh...can we talk?" Eren stands at the doorway of their guest room later that night.

"Oh, hey," Armin looks up from the book he was reading, "what's on your mind?"

Eren steps into the threshold of the room awkwardly and Armin immediately understands something is wrong. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Okay, shoot." He puts the book down to give his undivided attention.

He takes a deep breath before starting slowly, "back then…when you kissed Mikasa…" At this, Armin's eyes went wide, looking like a deer caught in headlights. "Yeah, she told me. What was that about?"

"Uh…" he seemed at a loss for words as his best friend just stared at him, his expression unreadable.

Eren sensed the emotion clouding Armin's thoughts. "I just want to know. I'm not upset or anything."

He didn't buy it, but nevertheless relented, knowing there was no way out of this. And even if escape was possible, there was no point. He deserved to know. "Alright, um...it was just a really bad time, Eren. Things were going to shit left and right. She lost Sasha- one of her best friends; it really messed her up. Levi was dying, and you were...being a real piece of shit."

Eren's expression changed drastically, a mix of confusion, surprise, and hurt fighting on his face. He kept quiet, not knowing what to say.

"Our time in Marley was truly a low point; she was vulnerable, and I guess I was too. It just...happened."

"What…" Eren seemed to find his voice, but his thoughts were still everywhere. Suddenly, images of his two best friends played in his mind: Mikasa, vulnerable, hurting, broken from his mistakes. Armin, confused, angry, touching her, holding her. He must have been gentle and careful too, that's just how Armin is. Why was she with him again? Suddenly his heart was in his stomach, dissolving in the acid of his regrets. He shakes it off and returns to reality. "What are you talking about?"

"Is...is that not what you asked?"

"I meant when we were kids." He sits down on the bed beside him, his legs unable to support him properly at this point. It hurt.

Armin pauses, remembering the correct memory, and he felt foolish, "...ah, fuck."

"What the fuck, Armin?" Eren seemed to have regained consciousness.

"Hey man, relax," He throws his hands up in the air in surrender, reading the hurt on the Titan shifter's face, careful not to poke the bear any more. "Like I said, we were just...in a really weird place, okay? It meant nothing, to me at least. I guess."

"You guess."

"Dude, what do you want me to say? Will it be easier if you tell me what you want to hear?"

The two seemed to have reached an impasse, as Armin didn't want to get any more aggressive and Eren realizes this wasn't the right way to deal with this. The eye contact was intense enough to halt the world into a standstill. The latter takes a deep breath to calm down. A moment passes.

"I'm sorry," he reels back. "It's a stupid thing to fight about. It's not...worth losing your friendship, again."

Armin's face softens, "I'm sorry too, Eren. If I knew it would hurt you later on I wouldn't have done it."

"It's...okay." he says, not sure how else to respond. Then he asks, a little hesitant at first since he knew what he was walking into, "is that all that happened between you two?"

"Yeah," it was an honest answer. Yes, they were close, but it never amounted to anything else with Mikasa's heart elsewhere and the circumstances they were in. "But, if I may, why does it bother you so much?"

Eren laughs sourly. "You've always been better for her," he explained simply.

"Come on, man, that's not true."

"I just don't know if I can ever make up for everything I've done," he completely disregards the comfort that Armin tried to give. "You, on the other hand, have a clean slate with her."

It was quiet for a few minutes, as they both gathered their thoughts. The silence wasn't painful, however, something about sitting in a comfortable silence with Armin in the midst of his issues was reassuring.

"That sounds like something you need to address, with yourself." He watched the expression soften on his best friend and took as an invitation to continue. "She loves you, Eren. She always has. You can't undo your mistakes in the past; all you can do is move forward, and you're doing just fine. Besides, the best apology is changed behavior."

Eren seemed to be digesting his words, resulting in a warm smile. "I hate that you're always right."

"Yeah, I still got it." The air seemed much lighter. "Be gentle with her. She deserves to be treated right."

"I know." He stands up and rests hand on Armin's shoulder affectionately. "Thank you."

-

It seemed pointless to get angry about it, so Eren resolves to just show her. After all, actions speak louder than words. He walks back to their shared bedroom, just thinking about what Armin had said to him just moments ago. He finds her on the way to the room as well, a full laundry basket in hand.

“Hey,” he stops her. She looks tired- it’s late at night- but her eyes brightened at the sight of him.

“Hi,” she smiles, walking into the room with him. He lets her set the clothes down, and then takes one of her hands in his to pull her closer. His other hand reaches up to cup her cheek, brushing some loose strands of her long hair that had fallen out of the ponytail, out of her face.

Mikasa felt her heart stutter at his actions. Even a gesture this simple was enough to send her up to cloud nine. He loves her, she knows, but being Eren (touch-starved, socially awkward Eren) meant he showed it in his own ways. She never objected to his methods - most of the time this meant nights filled with so much passion and intensity that she’d wake up the next morning wondering if all that was just a dream. That, and little favors he would do for her that just defined domesticity between them and their lives now.

He never really noticed that their relationship was this intense, hot fire that burned brightly all the time. He realizes that ever since they got together, they’ve just been going at it to make up for lost time. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to dim it a little to make a small, comforting fire to keep warm and cozy. At some point it wasn't even about proving his point about Armin anymore, and one-upping his best friend. He needed her to know how he felt about her, more than anything. He wanted to show her that he was just as capable of being gentle and sweet, for her.

There was no need for any other words; he was determined to show her that he was serious about earlier. So when he was absolutely certain that she had completely succumbed to his charm, Eren tilted his head and leaned in just enough to catch her lips.

Just like that, everything else around them had disappeared to Mikasa. The clean laundry that sat by their feet and the fact that Armin was just in the next room was forgotten. It was only her and Eren, the young man she had loved practically all her life.

She leans into him eagerly, attempting to close the distance between them, but he pulls back just enough to keep her from deepening their kiss. In response, a small sound of displeasure escaped her throat, earning a cheeky smile against her mouth.  

He kissed her slowly, but so full of confidence and love, that Mikasa almost felt light-headed. She felt every little movement of his against her, sending goosebumps up her arms. It was ridiculous how much he affected her, not that she was complaining.

The hand that cradled her face found its way into her hair, and when she took this as a go signal to get closer, he shifted his other hand to her waist to control the distance once again. She let out a small gasp in response, leaving him an opening to deepen the kiss, at his own pace.

Eren tilted his head slightly, smirking at how he knew how much control he had over the situation. He couldn't help but feel so smug that the mighty Mikasa Ackerman was pretty much wrapped around his finger at this point. When his name escaped her mouth in a quiet, desperate manner that almost drove him over the edge, he decided it was a good time to ask.

"Better?" He pulls back, looking straight into her eyes. His gaze was so intense, it was almost intimidating. He held her so gently though, it didn't match the way he looked at her so fervently. Mikasa is caught off guard, and couldn't find the words. Instead, she nods, helplessly. "Hmmm, not good enough, Mikasa," he teases.

She tries to frown, "what do want me to say?" Her voice is soft and breathy, clearly hungry for more, and it sent a heat down through his stomach. He had to keep his cool though, this was his turf.

"Tell me I'm better than Armin."

Oh, there was no doubt about it, Mikasa knew. As sweet and comforting as Armin was to her both times, it just didn't send sparks and warmth through her whole body the way Eren did. But there was no way she was going to give him the satisfaction that he so much needed. Especially when he was just being so petty.

"Eren, don't be ridiculous."

"Yeah, I knew you'd say that," he says lowly, and she almost yelped as he dives in again.

He gives her a little more control this time, allowing her to wrap her arms around his neck to pull him closer. He felt just how much she needed him, and it was getting more and more difficult to hold back just to prove his stupid point.

It didn't matter, he just had to outlast her and have more self control. He opens his mouth a little to graze his tongue against her closed mouth gently, and she accepts the invitation. She was making his legs feel like jelly and his insides were all warm and fuzzy. He wondered how he ever let all his teenage years go by without kissing her before, and he realizes he really couldn't blame Armin for wanting this.

"Say it," he prompted, and it almost sounded like he was begging. Eren's voice was low and husky, and it was clear he was losing his cool. She smiles wickedly against him in response. He pushes forward a little bit, and she gasps sharply as she trips over the laundry basket, pulling them both onto the bed. Mikasa giggles, her soft laugh was music to his ears.

He doesn't waste another moment though, diving in to trail kisses from her mouth and down to her neck, now that she was pretty much cornered beneath him. One of his hands was tangled in her hair and the other one had snuck into her shirt, working its way up. Mikasa moaned softly at his touch, sending chills down his body and calling him back up to her lips.

He looks down at her, and she just looks so delicate. For a second he forgets how this all even started. Instead, he says the first thing that comes to mind, without thinking.

"I love you," he blurts out, caught up in the moment, "and I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Everything," he leans his forehead against hers affectionately, careful not to crush her with his weight. The way he's holding her explains exactly how he feels about her and makes her heart flutter.

"I love you too," she tells him, her eyes sparkling, and all of a sudden all his previous insecurities seemed so stupid. She pulls him down again and he doesn't object. His newfound realizations fueled the heat between them this time, and the next thing they knew, their hands were everywhere.

She moves to undo his belt and suddenly Eren remembers what initiated all of this in the first place: she still hadn't said what he wanted. He pulled back abruptly and she looks up at his eyes clouded with lust.

"Eren," she tries to scold him for denying her right before they got to anything interesting, but she just looked like an angry bunny to him.

Eren laughs a little, surprised at her reaction and is actually taken aback a little; she actually cracked before him! He reels back, teasing her with a shit-eating grin as he watches, amused, at how utterly flustered she looks: cheeks red, panting heavily. Mikasa’s hair was sprawled on the bed, her shirt was halfway off, and her chest rose and fell as she tried to find words.

If this kid wasn’t so stubborn, he would have given in long ago. But this was Eren Jaeger, and he really wasn't going to give in until he got what he wanted.

"Fine," she growls when she realized it. He doesn't need to ask again. "You're better than Armin."

"Thank you," he breathed, finally at peace, and moved in to finish what he started.

They didn't notice their third musketeer come in, a blanket draped over his shoulders as he stops at the doorframe to tell them to be quiet (the damn walls were so thin, he sighed, it interrupted his late night reading).

"Hey guys," he greets casually, not even caring that he clearly (deliberately) interrupted something.

Mikasa looks surprised, her head snapping over to him. She's at a loss for words, flustered as her lover's hands were so far up her shirt and she was centimeters away from unbuttoning his pants. Armin fights the urge to laugh as his best friends looked like deer caught in headlights, and briefly wonders if this was his doing. Eren drops his face onto her shoulder, unable to face his best friend, ears heating up.

Armin raises an eyebrow, tongue in cheek, "better than me at what?"

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #eremika #eremika fanfiction #Eren Jaeger #Mikasa Ackerman #armin arlert #arumika #eren x mikasa #mikasa x eren #ao3

[wetookanoath]

the Ultimate™  big, fat, long ass shyan fanfic rec list by your local librarian, part II

So, tumblr fucked the format and apparently, it doesn’t allow you to post as many links as one may want. Fuck you, @staff.

Contains: More than 150 fanfictions on AO3 and tumblr. Commentary for each by me, rating, number of chapters and summaries. Divided by Top 25 Favorites, Oneshots, Multichapter, Ongoing, Series and On Tumblr Only.

[Part I] [Part II] [Part III]

Coming Soon: Rec Page.

~ Oneshots, part II

Something a Demon Would Say by EAST (WESTAGE)

Summary: Ryan wants to prove that Shane is a demon, and/or an alien, and Shane just wants to ask Ryan out on a date.

“The jig is up, Shane Madej! I know what you really are!”

Rated: G

Commentary: This fic has one of my favorite endings of all time. It’s fun and funny, and characterization is wonderful. Also, Shane has a not-so-secret crush on Ryan and it’s adorable.

i wanna see the sunrise and your sins by AmazingAida

Summary: ryan goes into heat while filming and shane is, thankfully, there to help.

also ryan and shane come face to face with their true feelings and it’s very confusing.

or, alternatively: in which shane and ryan have sex for one reason that ends up being a completely different implicit reason.

or, alternatively: feelings are confusing just don’t have them.

Rated: E

Commentary: Pure, fluffy PWP, if that’s you think– the only reason I don’t cherish as much this fic is because it is a cheating fanfic. And while they don’t cheat on their real life girlfriends in the fic, Ryan still has a partner and I just... don’t. But other than that, this is very sweeet and hot.

Mausoleum by ghostwheeze

Summary: How about…. Ryan and Shane are stuck in a room for some reason (Maybe the doorknob broke off…?) And Ryan is absolutely terrified. The sexual tension has been high between the two for a while and so Shane decides… fuck it, and does something to distract Ryan ;)

Rated: T

Commentary: This fic has something... something tht makes me love it. It’s so good and hot, even if they are just--- not doing it, and yeeeeet. I ove it.

SLEEPINGWITHAFRIEND by grapefruitghostie

Summary: it’s a risk but, babe, i need the thrillor; the author just wants to cry

Rated: E

Commentary: Alright, this one is kinky. In this story, Shane and Ryan also have a dom/sub relationship, with Shane being Ryan’s dom, and it also has– you guessed it right, daddy kink. I love it.

he is the one named sailor moon by schuyleryette

Summary: Ryan Bergara was just your regular college student trying to deal with classes, an asshole roommate, and one of the most insufferable jerks he had ever met. None of this prepared him for the talking cat who change the course of his destiny…

Rated: T

Commentary: Another big, but nice, surprise in the tag was to find a damn Sailor Moon AU. Look– I grew up watching this anime and this was the first manga I read, and I also probably became a little bit gay because of Michiru (and her wife Haruka), so this AU is everything to me.

That, and the fact that is. so. much. fun. Honestly, give Ryan a break– he had one weird night in this fic. It’s great, you all should read it.

satisfaction brought it back by ElasticElla

Summary: A true crime case turns supernatural, and Ryan gets a little too curious about Shane’s fanfiction references.

Rated: M

Commentary: Listen, Ryan’s curiosity in this fic is everything to me. I felt all the second hand embarrasment in the world while reading him go through smutty fanfics as Shane slept in the same room as him, getting hot at fanfic!Shane saying that “you are mine” and stuff like that. It was amazing.

Danse Macabre by americanchemicals

Summary: On your thirteenth birthday, a mark would appear on your body, a mark that only one other person in the world had. These matching marks, or soulmarks, were a physical connection between two soulmates.

Rated: G

Commentary: THEY GET– AT THE END THEY– DUDE, JUST READ IT. The ending of this, the climax of this fic, had me shook and It made me happy. Lovely fic.

and i’m puffing my chest, getting red in the face by pissedofsandwich

Summary: "Zack’s going to be there?“ Shane asks, masking his… whatever it is he’s feeling in his chest, with nonchalance.

Ryan blinks. “Yes?”

Well, never mind dancing with the fucking sun. He’s Icarus, wings melted and falling face-first into the asphalt.

Or: Shane is definitely not at all jealous of how close Zack and Ryan are getting during the making of Sports Conspiracies. Except that he is.

Rated: T

Commentary: One of my favorite fanfics that also has jealous!Shane and one of the most funniest climax ever. All their co-workers are damn angels, you gotta read this, it’s incredible. Also, kudos to poor Zack having the rage of a jealous Shane Alexander Madej with a cup of coffee in his hands.

Blood Buddies (with benefits) by Squeakyshroom

Summary: Ryan thought they were just friends, but one night and one bite has him questioning everything.

OR: Shane’s a fledgling vampire. Ryan’s an idiot.

Rated: E

Commentary: I’ve read a total of 16 times since it was posted a few weeks ago, lmao. Look– this author? I love her. She is one of the first people I talked to while doing the project, she kinda got me into talking to other authors and that helped me a lot to get through the reading happily.

She has a very unique style and the way she writes their dynamic is something else. This fanfic in particular is a lot of fun, and I hate the fact that I know one and every damn Twilight reference in it.

It also has one of my favorite mental images/scenes in a fanfic ever. If you guess which one is, come tell me about it, lmao.

give me all your poison by ElasticElla

Summary: Shane catches Ryan red-handed. Or well, red-shirted and fuck, this is not the romantic reunion he envisioned when deciding to surprise Ryan.

Rated: E

Commentary: AHHHHH, I LOVE THIS ONE. It inspired a whole series in which both are killers that you should totally read, too: the serial killer ryan quartet. This fic has… a scene I really like. If you get which one, I’ll love you forever. I’m so glad I read and commented this fic, because my comment helped inspire the rest of it.

distorted truths by hwsinbs

Summary: All of Shane’s entourage is convinced that his boyfriend is a ghost. Ryan takes it a little too well (and Shane wishes it was a real ghost).

Rated: G

Commentary: LMAO, this fic. Look– Ryan has to say a little lie and it becomes this big thing… he can’t even breathe properly after it. It’s incredibly fun, I enjoyed reading it a lot.

Eventually, the Darkness Stares Back by EAST (WESTAGE)

Summary: Shane realizes he likes Ryan exactly the way he is: alive.

Rated: T

Commentary: Oh, this one gave me the creeps. Shane is fucking scary, man, and the whole scenary, the moment when everything happens, I just– wow. This one’s good, really good.

Nana by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: I sat with you beside your bed and cried For things that I wish I’d said

You still had your nose red

And if I live past seventy-two, I hope I’m half as cool as you

Ryan is ready.

Rated: Not Rated (I’ll say T)

Commentary: This should be rated DEATH FOR YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES, because is a soul-destroyer fic. Dude, the ending. Dude, be prepared.

“Do you think there’s fanfiction?” by Anotherlostblogger

Summary: This is about to get very meta but it does not necessarily depict real life events and/or my actual opinions about the lovely fanfic on this site.

Rated: E

Commentary: The whole first part is a lot of fun, kinda on the nose, but really funny. And the smut is good, too. Very enjoyable fic, a lot of fun for everyone. Especially Ryan, lmao.

Fuck Fear by Squeakyshroom

Summary: Ryan can’t sleep and Shane invites him into his sleeping bag.

Sex and confused feelings ensue.

Rated: E

Commentary: From one of my favorite authors, this fic has ace!Shane who enjoys getting his partner off, and Ryan enjoys it of course. This fic is a lot of fun.

Ryan Bergara: The Biggest Fucking Tease in the World by ClaraLuna98

Summary: why was Shane so GODDAMN disheveled during the Sodder Children episode?

Rated: M

Commentary: This one is supposed to happen while they are filming the Sodder Children episode of True Crime, season 1. You know the one– when Shane looked like if he had just fucked. That’s the one. And it’s glorious. Also, daddy kink.

i wanna see your face and know ive made it home by isthepartyover

Summary: “I’m going,” Shane announces, blood smeared on his face and baseball bat still clenched in shaking hands.

They try to argue with him, tell him it’s dangerous and he might die and he should really leave it to the adults-Shane barks out a laugh at that one.

“I’m going,” he insists, and follows the scientists to the creepy-ass lab and down under to the gaping, disgusting maw waiting for them underneath.

Rated: Not Rated.

Commentary: SO THIS WAS DONE BECAUSE I SAID ON ONE OF MY SILLY, SILLY FANFICS POST HOW I WANTED A STRANGER THINGS AU IN THE FANDOM AND– and angels do exist, look at THIS. It’s wonderful, you guys, Shane’s POV is rich and fun, and is an interesting story that will make you want to die a little in the climax. Go read it!

Rogue State by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: “Who are you?” Ryan blurted out, once they had gotten away.

The line of Shane’s lips stretched into an amused grin. He chuckled. “I’m still your ol’ pal, Shane. I’ve just been keeping a few secrets.“

“And what secrets are those, Shane?” Ryan asked, voice wavering under the pressure of his anxiety and irritation. Shane pursed his lips and cocked his head to the side. With a small shrug, he explained, “Let’s just say I’ve been watching you for a long time.”

Spy!Shane AU.

Rated: M

Commentary: This is such an amazing fanfic, this AU is incredible and wow, I wish there was more of this. Shane and Ryan’s relationship is everything here, the things Shane has done for Ryan... amazing.

My Wings // Shyan by egofelix

Summary: An Angel by the name of Ryan meets a Demon by the name of Shane and let’s just say… the rest is history.

Rated: Not Rated (M, for sure)

Commentary: In which Ryan is an angel, Shane is a demon, there’s a war between their worlds, and they have some good dicking session. This fic is interesting, boning aside.

Compliment Each Other Like Colors by americanchemicals

Summary: When you look into your soulmate’s eyes, the world fills with color. Until then, people are forced to live in black & white, yearning for the day they’re able to see the universe in a different way.

Rated: M

Commentary: Can’t include a “you start seeing in color when you meet your soulmate” AU, especially when it’s kind of really original and well written. Very good fic with a good twist in it.

Angel With a Shot Gun by notimmortal

Summary: "I’ll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe. Don’t you know you’re everything I have?”

- Angel With a Shotgun by The Cab

Or

Shane is an Angel and will never let anything harm Ryan, ever.

Rated: T

Commentary: Shane (and Sara) is an angel in this one. What I like the most about it is Shane’s POV and the universe it wrote, the world building is pretty rad. And also– Shane does has a gun. His spiritual weapon is a damn gun. It’s fucking awesome.

nothing’s making sense at all by isthepartyover

Summary: Ryan was drunk.

Very drunk.

The room was spinning slightly, making it hard to focus on anything in the room or any one thought, the anxious dread he’d had building in his gut since Keith’s disappearance only getting worse and less tolerable with the alcohol in his system.

The girls were laughing loudly over some joke Ryan couldn’t quite remember hearing, leaning on one another with the force of it, and the sound was making the terrible knot of feeling in his gut worse for some reason.

Rated: Not Rated. (Again, T).

Commentary: This oen is part of the Stranger Things AU. Like I said before, I love this AU. It’s awesome and Ryan’s POV in this one is one of my favorites.

Self care by Mega_purplezebracorn

Summary: Ryan likes to shower. The shower is a private place where he can think to himself and reflect the day.

However, sometimes a certain somebody will flash into mind and…distract him from this…

This is filthy, filthy dirt and I am both ashamed and proud. *sighs* wtf have I become?

Rated: E

Commentary: This one… has something… that I really like, and I don’t know where to put my finger on it. Both chapters of it are smutty. In the first one, Ryan takes care of himself and it’s… certainly sexy. While the second one is THE scene between them.

It’s also a “discovering you got a daddy kink” fanfic, they realize together they are into that. Good shit, good shit.

conflict of interest by spoopyy

Summary: Shane is a high school science teacher who really hates his job. He bumps into a passionate, but lonely history teacher named Ryan, who just might make teaching worth it.

Rated: Not Rated (but I would say, G)

Commentary: BOY, this is such a perfect fanfic, all of it. From how they met to how they get together, and how their relationship keeps going. READ IT.

and he takes and he takes by cooliohoolio

Summary: Shane wants to say I will be dead within the next year. He wants to say the flowers in my lungs are there because of you. He wants to say I’m in love with you and it’s killing me.

Rated: Not Rated (I’d say T)

Commentary: I love Hanahaki Disease, man. It’s so tragic and romantic at the same time, and I guess– sometimes, love does feels like that. It fills you up and yet, it’s killing you, takes your breathe away. And this fic? It killed me.

Bloody Hell by AussieBookworm

Summary: One of the gifts of being bitten by a vampire, Shane supposed, was his improved hearing. For example, he could hear Jen quietly humming a song she claimed she hated, Quinta having a conversation with her mother about her father’s surprise birthday party, and Ryan leaving a meeting room and walking over to him.

***

Shane is a vampire and Ryan starts getting a bit too close to the truth, completely by accident

Rated: T

Commentary: In which Shane and Ryan visit an actual Vampire Hunter for an episode, and Shane wants to destroy something. In this one, Shane and Sara are vampires and good friends, and Ryan doesn’t know his pal is exactly what he is looking for. And it’s awesome.

May I Say I Loved You More by Luntian

Summary: He felt Ryan’s warm palm on his shoulder. By then he knew he couldn’t lie anymore.“I—well, uh…” Shane inhaled deeply, “Promise me you’ll believe.

”Ryan was puzzled, but he nodded almost immediately.

After a long pause, Shane finally continued, “I’m not human.”

“What?” Ryan whispered. His eyebrows furrowed.

“Well, I was human, then—and then I died.” Ryan stared. Shane realized he was making no sense. He sighed, “Okay, listen. I am an angel.” Shane glanced at Ryan, trying to see his reaction but he saw no expression on his face. “I was sent on Earth to, uh, complete some mission.”

“You’re an alien?!”

“I’m an angel!”

/or/

Shane is an angel with a time limit. And a boyfriend.

Rated: Not Rated (T)

Commentary: Angel Shane AU that for a second seems to be all happy– then it’s not. I cried a lot.

find each other when we’re losing our minds. by alvaughn

Summary: “Gotta build up to it, baby.” Shane replies.

“Don’t call me baby.”

Rated: M

Commentary: We are in smut territory again. This one is FUCKED UP, like– all of these Seril Killer AUs are fucked, alright, but this one is just… oh, holy shit. Ryan, uuuuh, gets off of Shane coming to him every time he kills someone. But I like it. Another take on the “don’t call me baby” comment, also

.a short history of almost something by cooliohoolio

Summary: "I think I’ll wait another year.“Shane’s in love with Ryan, and will get around to telling him. One of these days.

Rated: Not Rated (G)

Commentary: This fic is… so damn cute. All of it. The scenes with them out in the grass, looking at the stars, are wonderful.

shelter by Hugabug

Summary: When Ryan comes home, covered in blood, Shane is ready for it.

Rated: T

Commentary: Serial Killer Ryan AU. Shane loves Ryan so much in this fic. And even though Ryan does– these horrible things, you can’t help but just want them to be safe. Protective Shane in this context is as wonderful as in any other.

waiting here for catastrophe by anarchetypal

Summary: “Ryan.” Shane breaks off and sits down again, slides his chair closer to Ryan’s, stares him down. “God, fuck, look at me, okay, I did this. I did this, this is my case, this is mine, everything you’re talking about—”

Ryan can’t help it: he laughs. It comes out a little anxiously, but it’s a laugh all the same, because Shane can’t really expect him to buy into this, right?

And Shane looks—well, murderous is either the wrong word or the right one.

“I’m not kidding.”

“You really want me to believe—”

“You entertain all possible theories, right?” Shane says, exasperated and angry, and Ryan notices it’s the first time he’s ever said that seriously. “That’s what this stupid show is—that’s what you do.So entertain this one.”

All at once, it stops being funny. Something the size of a golf ball seems to lodge itself high in Ryan’s throat. He realizes it’s alarm, fear, a caged bird thrashing against the bars inside himself. He’s waiting for Shane to break, to burst into laughter, to say it’s all a stupid joke, but it doesn’t happen.

“What the fuck,” he croaks out.

Rated: M

Commentary: Serial Killer Shane. In this one, Shane is offended that Ryan thinks he is an amateour in the Art of Killing, and also does the horrible, terrible pun of “Cereal Killer” as he eats Ryan’s cereal. It’s fantastic.

when the tide comes by AnastasiaYu

Summary: the disappearance of ryan bergara.

Rated: T

Commentary: To quote Luke Skyalker, “this is not going to end the way you think”. This is… so sad. The ending is, wow, one of my favorites. The original ending. Althought the second ending is also good. But the first! So sad! So good!

i keep telling myself i’m not the desperate type by juniperProse

Summary: ““Hmm. Guess I’ll have to get you to shut up another way, then,” Shane says, and somehow he just sounds like he’s smirking.”

—

Or: It’s exactly what it sounds like. They just make out. That’s it.

Rated: T

Commentary: I know I keep saying this, but this is the cutest thing in the world and it’s gonna make you happy like it made me when I first read it. Besides, I really like this author a lot.

Short Stack by americanchemicals

Summary: An AU where the first words your soulmate ever tells you are marked on your wrist.

And Shane isn’t disappointed, because he knows he’ll know his soulmate right away, with how unique his words are.

After all, not many people greet others by saying, “You’re a fucking Sasquatch.”

Rated: T

Commentary: Listen, “You are a fucking Sasquatch!” has never been this romantic. This one fic is wonderful, def one of my favorites. Also, Soulmates AU are everything to me.

Love by JayCKx

Summary: "Do you not know how love works?“ Ryan utters softly, voice a little bit awed, looking at Shane with an expression that the taller man can’t quite place.

Immediately a million thoughts and memories spring forward into Shane’s mind.

Rated: G

Commentary: My heart warmed so much while reading this. It’s really cute, you just gotta ignore the unrequited love tag, lmao. Also a shorty but goodie.

The Desk Fic by SincerelyLeah

Summary: Shane was having a shitty Monday morning and it was all because of one person, Ryan Bergara. But, by now he should know that endless teasing gets Shane more than riled up.

Rated: E

Commentary: I have so much fun reading this damn fic. Because it’s funny– Like, Shane’s POV is funny and you can feel his frustration because Ryan is. such. a. fucking. tease. And THE moment is just– good.  Also, lmao, beware of the daddy kink.

Under The Stars by SincerelyLeah

Summary: “I promised myself I would never fall in love with you. But it was four am, and we were laughing way too hard. I felt happy for the first time in a long time, and I knew I was screwed.”

Rated: G

Commentary: A sweet something you will be glad to have read once you are done. I loved it, it’s so sweet and warm, it makes me truly happy.

if we’re gonna do this, we gotta do it now by floatingonthelehigh

Summary: “How did you convince me to come here again?”

“My irresistible charm, of course.”

Ryan’s mouth settles into a hard line. He’s not wrong.

(Shane gets Ryan to come to an old abandoned house with him. One of them, and you’ll never guess who, gets more than a little freaked out. Featuring: pure terror! confessions of love! and a somewhat-terrifying framed photograph of a woman!)

Rated: T

Commentary: Pure, sweet, loving fluff. Ryan gets a little angry at Shane but he deserves it, but at the end everything is right. I love this fic.

mystery item by rycan_toucan

Summary: ” – okay. remember last week when you, jen, steven and i went drinking and i had, like, eight and a half shots of whiskey?“

“i specifically remember the half, yes.”

“impressive. anyway, i ended up not passing out when i got home and did some high quality online shopping, instead.”***

ryan bought a thing, they both find it extremely funny and have a good time.

Rated: T

Commentary: The boys are so silly and happy in this little thing, oh my God, I’m smiling as I remember this fic.

Nemo est Scire by KatHowellLester

Summary:  Shane and Ryan are staying the night in a haunted building and Ryan can’t handle it so Shane cuddles him and makes him feel better by talking and holding him

No one has to know

Rated: E

Commentary: Say hello to the first daddy kink fic in the fandom, at least on AO3. Okay, so this one– I love the ending of this one a lot. And the use of the kink is pretty good, they actually discover they are into it during the act in the story. Pretty good and loving.

gayer than expected by juniperProse

Summary: Ryan sees Shane in his new glasses, and realizes that he may be less straight than he originally thought.

Rated: G

Commentary: NFNFINEIFRO, this one is so funny. I mean, just look at the title. Also, juniperProse is one of the best authors out there, you are gonna love this one.

Disneyland & Soulmates by anxiousdraco

Summary: Shane Madej is tired of looking at his Mark. He has yet to meet his Other even though he’s 26. So, he saves up his money and catches a flight to LA to get his Mark removed – something that is incredibly frowned upon. When he finds out he is to meet his Other in two hours, he goes to Disneyland. Why? Who knows. But it all works out in the end. // Shyan

Rated: Not Rated (I’d say T)

Commentary: Super cute, one hell of a meet-cute, even if at the beginning is a little bit angsty. Love this fic!

forever by catbrains

Summary: Prompt: “Can I kiss you?”

It’s an urge that comes on suddenly and all-consumingly, like starvation with no hunger to prelude it.

Rated: G

Commentary: In this one, they kiss for the first time and I melted when I first read it. The super poetic and beautiful way the kiss is written haunts me to this night.

The Lube Fic by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: Someone sends Ryan a 55-gallon drum of lube, and Shane finds a good use for it.

Rated: Not rated (M, I think)

Commentary: Like I said before, Joey is the best and he always gives us the best content. This one is hot and funny. Also, it’s in his oneshots anthology, Between a Crucifix and the Hollywood Sign. This fic is so much fun... and has daddy kink, lmao.

Popping Dilemmas by SincerelyLeah

Summary: A late night run and met a late night stranger.

Rated: G

Commentary: This is one of those fics a meet-cute that you just LOVE, and this one is the case for me.

But I would like to, with you by MPhoenix7

Summary: “Maybe I don’t”.

“But I would like to, with you” was left unsaid.

Rated: T

Commentary: As you can see, this little moment marked us all. This one is another take on that, “You don’t know how love works?” little question. It’s also incredible.

in a crowd of thousands by Hugabug

Summary:  the parade traveled on, with the sun in my eyes you were gone but i knew even then in a crowd of thousands i’ll find you again

Rated: G

Commentary: And as you can see, I love Hugabug’s writing and wonderful AUs. This an Anastasia AU, Ryan is Anastasia and Shane is Dimitri, and this is BEAUTIFUL.

Unsolved by areneecz

Summary: The fluff-fueled antics of Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej.

Rated: M (but not really, is like T)

Commentary: OH THIS ONE. It’s so good, so pure, so cute. Shane calls Ryan “sweetheart” and I just fucking MELTED.

Candid by Planterra

Summary: ”The light shone through the window, hitting the younger’s smooth skin in just the right way. He was glowing. Ethereal. Beautiful, Light in an unworldly sense- and all of him belonged to Shane.“

Rated: E

Commentary: This is such a poetic little thing, in the smut realm also, and so beautiful…

I Only Need One Hand To Drive by gayunsolved

Summary: Ryan Bergara knows what he likes, okay? But he won't tell you if you ask, so don't ask.

(Alternatively, putting the 'size' in fantasize.)

Rated: E

Commentary: AHAHAHA, THIS FIC. So good, so hot, so-- listen, Size Kink it’s my thing and this fic gave me exactly what I wanted.

Oh Well, Oh Well by americanchemicals

Summary: Shane was just a typical demon, adventuring with his boyfriend through different haunted locations. Little did his boyfriend know, but he was there to make sure that nothing sinister hurt his human.

Ryan was just a regular demon, travelling to different haunted locations with his boyfriend for videos. Little did his partner know, but he was also making sure nothing hurt his tall partner.

Rated: M

Commentary: In this one, both of them are demons and it’s amazing, because none has any idea the other is, lmao. I love this fic.

Under no circumstances by Memefaego

Summary: Under no circumstances is Ryan getting in the tub with Shane.

Rated: T

Commentary: I bookmarked this one as “quality content” and that’s what it is. It’s the only fic about that bathrube scene, can you believe that?

things you said in the moonlight. by idkspookystuff

Summary:  Ryan invites Shane to spend the night, only he hasn't told his boyfriend he's transgender yet. or ryan's trans, he gets his period, and shane loves him despite everything.

Rated: T

Commentary: Such a sweet little fanfic that I love with all my heart. Trans Ryan AU, he and Shane had just started to date and everything is cute.

crossroads by thescrewtapedemos

Summary: It’s not a good idea to try rituals you find on the internet.

Rated: T

Commentary: Ryan’s actions in this fic are horrible in the sense that he thought– he thought nothing had happened and yet, all nightmares come to him and he doesn’t seem to notice, until the nightmare starts getting more and more clear. It’s incredible. I love this fic. It’s short and terrifying.

force at play by historicandgay (dannylawrence)

Summary: Over the decades, the Queen Mary has become filled to the brim with varying spirits and ghosts. Most of them are tired and prefer to keep away from the living. Most of them, that is. On one fateful trip, a young Ryan Bergara gets more than he predicted when a nosy ghost ends up seeing the future he could have with a certain skeptic, if only Ryan could just, ya know, believe in ghosts.

"Everything always came together, perfectly so, whether you meant it to or not, whether you wanted it to or not, no matter how hard people tried to predetermine the answer to every aspect of life, there was always something more."

Rated: Not Rated (I’d say G)

Commentary: Such a sweet fanfic about the ghosts at the Quen Mary, and one in particular that sees Ryan grow.

but still let me tell you that i love who you are by BooyahFordhamYacht

Summary: Ryan says the most wonderful things when there’s no one there to listen yet.Or, five voicemails from Ryan that Shane refuses to delete.

Rated: T

Commentary: A most recent fanfic I read while doing this list, it’s such a little gem. I love it to no end, it made me cry with how sweet and raw it is. I looove it.

Sweaters and Glasses by SincerelyLeah

Summary: It was the middle of September and it was cold in the house.

Rated: M

Commentary: Another smutty piece that I love way too much. I have a thign for glasses, alright, don’t judge me and just read this wonderful fic.

secrets by rycnbergara

Summary: the day after a huge party, ryan’s hungover, to say the least. but he drags himself out to the street festival outside. there, he meets a magician around his age. maybe the best decision he ever made.

Rated: G

Commentary: A great magician never tells his secrets, but this fic needs to be known. I loved it, it’s a lot of fun and something just sweet for when you are feeling down.

i'll hold your hand (but only if you want me to) by cactsu

Summary: “When you, uh… when you called me babe, I… I kind of liked it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I guess I should do it more often, then,” Shane turned to lock eyes with Ryan, something dark and sultry in his eyes. “Babe.”

(basically based on the ‘I’m pretending to be your bf because you looked VERY uncomfortable with that person at the bar hitting on you’ prompt)

Rated: E

Commentary: Aaaaah, the smut in this fandom is just wonderful. And this fic? Amazing, one of my favorites.

the things you do to me (you know them too well) by Catherines_Collections

Summary: He thinks maybe it won’t last, tries not to think too much about the risk their both taking, but he’s going to enjoy it while it does.

Rated: Not Rated (I’d say T)

Commentary: Oh, man. This fic is wonderful, like everything this author ever does. I love it, the narrative is incredible.

the ghosts are screaming by ryan_bergara (ashtronomical_wander)

Summary: "Okay, not gonna lie, I'm still freaking out a bit about this hotel, so erm," Ryan says frantically, eyes shifting around the room in panic. "How about we, er…" he nods towards the bed, before giving Shane a pleading look.

"Wait, are you sure?" Shane blushes a little, not sure if he feels right doing this when Ryan was in such a state just moments ago.

"It'll take my mind off it, come on…"

- Basically -

Ryan has anxiety and Shane is his comfort.

Rated: E

Commentary: Man, I love this fic for the way it portraits their relationship. They are such a good couple and they are still best friends. It’s incredible well done and so hot, too. This smut is in another level for that. Also-- it’s fun, you are gonna smile and laugh reading it.

Flinch by oh-devil (conceit)

Summary: “Holy shit, you are ticklish.”

“Congratulations, you cracked the case.” Shane shot back the rest of his beer and tried to level his best glare at Ryan. “Now fuck off.”

Ryan’s laughter rang out through the trees.

Rated: M

Commentary: There is something special about this fic. I’m not sure what it is, but every fnfic during the Bigfoot hunt is just... blue. And wonderful. I really like this fic for some reason.

Good Enough by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: Shane couldn't stand the idea of Ryan regretting him, and such a regret could start that very night.

Or, both of these boys are massively insecure.

Conrinuation of The Proposal(s) by GhostWheeze and murphy's law by Spoopyy.

Rated: E

Commentary: Joey is back at it again with another wonderful fanfic. This one is a wedding night fic, so imagine that-- It’s amazing, alright. I will always love more some sweet and tender, and loving, errr, love-making, than any other kind of sex. And Joey here did an amazing job.

i think i'm still turning out by the_tenerife_sea

Summary: Shane is starting to think Ryan is using him for his baby, considering how much he’s already talked her up to all of their coworkers and friends.

____

Or the one where Shane is a new parent, and Ryan is always there for him (and his daughter, of course).

Rated: G

Commentary: I love parents AU and this one is just lovely-- I don’t know what happened that people started to post kid fics all at once in the same week, but I’m glad they did. I may not be a big fan of how Shane becomes a single dad, but I really liked this fic.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark by AmazingAida

Summary: Ryan likes looking into Shane’s eyes, so as to not look into the darkness, so as to not let his mind wander.

Rated: E

Commentary: Their relationship in this fic is so deep and beautiful, man. The smut is obviously great, but its the depth of their relationship that makes this fic incredible.

not with you by oMUSEo

Summary: "I'm always scared," Ryan whispers, afraid that if he speaks too loud the moment will be ruined and Shane will wake up and realize he's been hallucinating. That he should go back to his girlfriend who smiles like sunshine and likes her coffee the same way he does because Ryan is just unlucky when it comes to love.

Or when two dorks love each other and don't know how to act.

Rated: T

Commentary: One of the first fics I read and that I loved. Again, the way their relationship develops and the angst around it as it happens, amazing. I love this fic with all my heart.

Shane And Ryan Were Here by WhatWereMadeOf

Summary: “I’m...where are we? Did you just wake up? Are you okay? Jesus fucking Christ I’m so sorry...I’m so sorry Shane...”

When Shane didn’t reply, Ryan opened his eyes to see confusion on the other man’s face. He watched him lift a hand and point to his ear. He spoke slowly, and Ryan’s heart sank into his stomach when no sound came out.

“I can’t hear you.”

Or, Ryan and Shane get abducted and held captive by aliens. Maybe? Probably? There's some debate.

Rated: T

Commentary: This fic is amazing. It’s disturbing and all, but it’s also... kind of fluffy. I love it, to be honest-- It’s the greatest shit. Also-- IT WAS ALIENS, I KNOW IT!

Reluctant Cuddles by skepticalghouligan

Summary: Shane knows it’s his job as a Dom to take care of his boy after a scene. Sometimes he forgets he needs care too.

Rated: G

Commentary: One of the sweetest little things I’ve read in this fandom, especially as someone who loves dom/sub dynamics. This is so important and sweet.

Me & U (Village Bootleg Remix) by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: A possessive, drunk Ryan and a flustered, lovelorn Shane walk into a bar...

Rated: T

Commentary: In which one lowkey wants to punch Ryan for being such a bro, but then you realize he ain’t. This fic is awesome.

The Thing About Submission by skepticalghouligan

Summary: Shane and Ryan have a day to play. So they explore one of Shane's favorite things as a Dom: bottoming.

Rated: E

Commentary: Doms that bottom are the best and of course Dean, king of dom/sub in the shyan fandom, is the right person to write this. Honestly, this fic-- amazing.

Ghosting by Girlwithgoggles

Summary: Shane dies, and Ryan's world falls apart. Then a pen rolls off Ryan's coffee table.

Rated: T

Commentary: Man... You guys sure love your Ghost AU as sad as it comes, this one doesn’t disappoint.

Just Out of Reach by formosus_iniquis

Summary: A variation on the “I asked for your help getting a book off the top shelf and and you laughed at my taste and called me a nerd so I shoved you into a table of nonfiction best-sellers and that’s how we both got banned from the quirky community bookstore” prompt

Rated: T

Commentary: This fic makes me happy. It’s lovely and so well written, the situation it presents it’s also funny and overall, I love it.

while we all pretend to sleep by fructose

Summary: Ryan hears about a town in the Southwest, Shane takes him there.

They drove across the southern point of Nevada over two slow days, traversing that jagged shard of rock and dust with the static from the radio as their soundtrack. It crackled on even as Ryan pressed his hand between Shane’s legs, leaning over as they drove to growl obscene things in his ear. It was the white noise that played on as Ryan jerked Shane off in the back of the van, their bodies pressed close and hot.

Rated: M

Commentary: This fic… is another level of… awesome. I don’t know how to explain it, man. But it has something magical about it. I guess is the fact that I like melancholic and weird things. But it’s really In The Mood, you know.

Fresh Eyes by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: Soulmate au where when you reach 18 you stop aging until you meet your soulmate? After a few years of being roommates (they were roommates through college and then just moved in together afterwards) shane and Ryan realize they've been slowly aging together (Bonus points if one of them realizes first and has to bring it up to the other person)

Rated: T

Commentary: This soulmate AU is such a cute little thing, I love it. It’s like a bunch of wonderful tropes in one well written and perfect fic.

the mustang kids are out by sevencts

Summary: "Do you want to turn back?“

Ryan looks at his hands: Left– clasped around the handle of his pistol, right– clasped around the palm of his lover. "No,” he whispers, taking a deep breath in and coming to meet Shane’s eyes again. He says, in earnest with a twisted smile on his pink lips. “Never.

Rated: M

Commentary: Oh, boy. This is the Bonnie & Clyde AU you never thought you needed until you read this. Short, but I love it. I fucking love it.

what’s the opposite of recruitment? by kinderhook (mrs_nerimon)

Summary: Ryan has a problem with the newest member of his Paranormal Club.

Rated: G

Commentary: In which Ryan has zero common sense and his friends are so tired. This fic is a lot of fun.

i'm just curious by soyicedcoffee

Summary: Ryan thinks, in this moment, as Shane twirls a pen between her fingers idly, that she’s never been so viscerally irritated.

Rated: E

Commentary: Genderswap AU. I never thought I would read one of these over here, but you guys always manage to surprise me in the best ways. This fic is everything. I’m conflicted because Shane reminds me of my crush in the city, who absolutely broke my heart, but man-- this fic is good.

I Think the Ghost Likes You by cactsu

Summary:  "Dude, are... are you touching me?"

"...No."

aka shane is bold enough to touch ryan, but not bold enough to admit it.

Rated: T

Commentary: Man, this fic. It’s a lot of fun to read and it has something-- the tease of them being together, I guess. It has a great ending, but seriously all that part about the ghost wanting to feel up Ryan, Jesus fucking Christ-- that’s great.

Not Safe For Work by doctorkaitlyn

Summary: Of all the many, many meetings Ryan has had to sit through since becoming a full-fledged Buzzfeed employee, this one is probably the most painful, for exactly three reasons.

1) It's not even eight thirty yet, and his coffee has yet to kick in and wake him up.

2) Zack is on his left watching a muted stream of last night’s Warriors and Lakers game, which is nearly impossible to look away from.

3) Shane is on his right, and one of his huge hands has been planted just above Ryan’s knee almost from the moment he first sat down.

(Or, having sex in a sound booth during work hours probably isn't appropriate workplace conduct, even for Buzzfeed, but that doesn't stop Ryan and Shane.)

Rated: E

Commentary: Listen, these men are killing me and in this fic? Holy shit Shane is a smooth son of a bitch and I love him. And also, Ryan, dear-- wow.

The Conjuring by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: Omg yes...write a conjuring fic pls.

Rated: M

Commentary: I’m in love with AU. it’s so interesting and well written. It’s not the movie(s) but its own piece put in the universe of the movies. It’s incredible.

transgender dysphoria blues by ficfucker

Summary: shane and ryan find themselves in new hampshire to film an episode

and get a bit sidetracked in the process

Rated: E

Commentary: Trans Shyan. I’m in love with this fic, even though it’s kind of sad as the name suggested. It has something very special that I think speaks to many people. Shane is such-- I don’t know how to say this. But he is amazing and so is Ryan, and I love this fic.

two bros chilling in a sleeping bag by nastyboy (orphan_account)

Summary: “Dude. Dude. Shane. You gotta let me sleep in your sleeping bag.”

Shane rolls over. “”There- it’s a one-person bag.”

Rated: M

Commentary: I love this kind of dirty stuff, don’t judge me. Honestly, bless the authors of our fandom.

Revolutionary Road by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: can i request a shyan fic where the two get into a fight??? im in the mood for angst i guess lol. thank u!!!!

Rated: T

Commentary: Bro, this fic is... wow. A very interesting ghost story, passt lifes and possessions. It’s truly an amazing fanfic.

you get me closer to god by sessrumnir

Summary: Ryan wants to experiment. Shane is more than happy to comply.

Rated: E

Commentary: Also bless this fandom for writing such good Dom/Sub dynamics and in such different ways from one another, for making their relationship so deep and their trust so big, that’s love. This fic is wonderful. And hot.

And Then You by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: amazingaida asked: heya! same AmazingAida from ao3, I decided to check out your tumblr and I'm in love with it ngl <3 so, since i'm here, concept: ryan wearing shane's shirts bc shane is a very tol bean and just ryan wearing them when he gets scared for comfort and just ahhhh

Rated: T

Commentary: I have a Thing(tm) for Ryan wearing Shane’s clothes, and apparently, so does Shane. I love this little fic, it’s not only adorable, but sexy.

Honey by spectr

Summary: Alternatively: Ryan Bergara seizes the moment.

Rated: M

Commentary: Well, this is one of the sexiest things. And it’s not smut. Also, this fic is so poetic and aesthetically pleasing, I love it.

Ugly Sweater by skepticalghouligan

Summary: Shane hates the holidays. Specifically this holiday because he lost a bet. And the sweater is awful.

Rated: G

Commentary: Christmas fluff is always good and this fic is everything. Besides, ugly sweaters? My aesthetic.

Bloodflows by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: "Shane scoffed; the Force, the Jedi, balance, order, none of it made sense to him. It was too difficult to believe that there was some cosmic power responsible for ensuring the stability of the galaxy. He knew better than anyone what a joke that was. The cosmos were a boiling cauldron of chaos, wild and uncontrolled."

or

Shane discovers he has a power that could give him everything he wants, if he'll only let it.

Rated: Not Rated (T)

Commentary: Listen, I never knew I would need a Star Wars AU, but as it turns out-- I do. This idea of scruffy looking smuggler Shane and believer in the force Ryan is everything I’ve wanted. I love this fic a lot.

The Potion by 1967VivalaKITT

Summary: Basically Shane gets a love potion from a sketchy lady off the street, he puts it in Ryan's water gun and then accidents happen.

Rated: Not Rated (G)

Commentary: Listen, a love potion fic that is not used for sex it’s a big oportunity one can’t let go. I love casual magic in fics and this one is wonderful at it.

But if it's Not Right (What Can I Do?) by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: Ryan Bergara, host of True Crime on Buzzfeed Radio, attracts the wrong person's attention.

A twisted version of Pichiba's radio!au.

Rated: T

Commentary: I LOVE FUCKED UP SHIT, and this one is one of the bests in the fandom. For real, I love this AU and I love how well Joey wrote the sick part of it all. The ending just jfbnfdinfir gave me the chills, it’s damn amazing.

Let's just forget the Hollywood rules by tearupthesky

Summary: Ryan rolls his chair closer to Shane. "Did you hear that, man?" he says under his breath. "That dog hates me, did you hear it growl at me? It almost took my fucking hand off! It could smell the curse. It recognized me with its primordial wolf senses."

"It's a fucking labradoodle," Shane says.

Rated: T

Commentary: Ryan is such a smooth motherfucker in this fic, I love it. There’s a part in which Shane  makes a playlist for the main event of the fic and it’s just so fucking funny to read. I love this fic.

It's a Ghost (Snake) by skepticalghouligan

Summary: Ryan's been courting the oblivious Shane for months. Jen comes up with a surefire way to win him over.

Rated: G

Commentary: I’m a sucker for fics with pets, and this one is so sweet-- Ryan is the best, and he deserves all the kisses.

Unconventional by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: …In that moment, [Shane] can’t find an elegant way to ask, “Hey, you’re exceptionally healthy, have a great personality and are well-educated. Want to be my baby’s daddy?”

Or

Shane and Ryan take an unconventional path to parenthood.

Rated: E

Commentary: Trans!Shane. This is one of my favorite fics in the fandom. I just love it, the whole of it, and it explores parenthood for transmen. The author is trans himself and a wonderful person, so they know what they are talking about and I just– he is the author I respect the most right now.

pray to stay by halfwheeze

Summary: Prompt! Okay, imagine this: Shane and Ryan are investigating a house infested with demons, right? And the demons are like 'damn aren't they just cuter than a kitten in a basket?' So they start to purposefully scare Ryan in order to give him and Shane a proper push in the right direction!

Rated: Not Rated (T)

Commentary: This small weird fanfic deserves much more love,it’s so original and just-- so good. I love the POV and the strange story. It’s great.

getting late to give you up by middlecyclone

Summary:  Nobody ever becomes a ghost the easy way.

Rated: T

Commentary: The ghost chick in this fic is everything More seer!Shane for the soul.

Mission: Brave New World by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: The Federation's rise to power had started years ago. When the great energy-producing deserts were destroyed, the world powers that depended on them collapsed. And in their wake, the Federation began to rise.

The Federation united all of South America under one banner, and devoured everything in its path as it moved relentlessly to the north. After turning ODIN against us, the Federation stood on the doorstep of America, poised for the kill.

They thought we were weak, crippled; prey waiting to be taken. We fought hard and we fought well. We fought them to a bloody stalemate. And here, just beyond the craters of "No Man's Land", we find ourselves in a defensive war against a more powerful enemy.

Rated: M

Commentary: Ah, man. The racism exposed in this fic is something else, and the way Ryan is written... wow. I love this fic, it’s very cool and interesting, and the boys are badass. And they sort of get married, I love it.

First Anniversary by skepticalghouligan

Summary: Shane's distracted, it's their first anniversary and Ryan doesn't even seem to remember.

Rated: G

Commentary: Such a sweet fic from a very amazing author that I love. I’m a sucker for established relationship fluff and this fic gave me al I need.

Might As Well Fall by middlecyclone

Summary: “I don’t trust this house,” Ryan says. “Something is really, really wrong here.”

Rated: M

Commentary: Fuck, this fic is amazing. It’s one of the best horror fics I’ve read, and while it’s not-- it’s not really scary or something, the tension it builds and the way it shows the boys’ feelings and relationship is incredible well done.

boys and their toys by ficfucker

Summary:  some trans!shane for the soul

Rated: E

Commentary: Trans!Shane. I really like the way the writer made their relationship and Shane’s POV is veeery good.

ghosts can't pick up power drills (probably) by anarchetypal

Summary: “What you’re suggesting is that we have sex in the exact spot where a dude was once brutally murdered with a power drill. That is what you’re suggesting to me right now.”

Shane throws up his hands. “Well, sure, when you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”

Rated: M

Commentary: Alright, this fic is a lot of fun and I enjoyed it a lot when I read it for the first time. Shane is such a litle shit, it’s amazing.

Would U Be So Kind ? by Lizjames

Summary:  There stood Shane Madej with his signature grin on his face

Ryan’s heart sped up and he groaned.

Or

Ryan has feelings, and he doesn’t really know what they are and how to process them.

Rated: T

Commentary: Another poetic piece that blowed me away. The relationship between them is so wonderful and pure, and there is a lot of pool time involved.

breathe for me, baby by literalmetaphor

Summary: Shane loves seeing Ryan freak out.

But not like this.

Rated: T

Commentary: Protective Shane is my favorite Shane, and this fic builds the tension of what will happen at the end pretty good. It’s a very good story.

Maybe, Kinda by babbyspanch

Summary: Ryan is having a tough day. Okay, tough week. Alright it's been a tough few months but he's got it handled okay? He's handed over the editing of Unsolved to a team and now... well he's still distracted, but he's trying.

But, Shane just makes it really hard to focus.

Rated: G

Commentary: Such a sweet fic, man. I love the fluff in this... and the pining!

On Longing and Other Contrite Bullshit by sunshinewinchesters

Summary: All Shane can ever do is long for his ghost-fearing best friend, and apparently be angsty about it until something finally happens.

Rated: T

Commentary: More pining for the soul, and some more deep POVs that sound like poetry, this time from Shane’s view. Also, this fic talks about my city in such good light, I had to love it a bit more.

Removing the Mask by skepticalghouligan

Summary: Shane doesn't believe in luck. But even he has to admit it's a damn good coincidence that he got stuck sleeping in the same bed as Ryan that night.

Rated: G

Commentary: Kids, sometimes when we want to be funny, we end up almost giving our crush a heartattack. But for real, this fic is super tender and I love it.

Panem et Circenses by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: “As a reminder that even the strongest among you cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, on this, the third Quarter Quell games, the male and female tributes are to be reaped from the existing pool of victors from each district-”

Shane felt his world fall away. A cold numbness coursed through his body. His heart leapt in his throat while his stomach dropped to his feet. If not for Ryan beside him, he would have given into his urge to vomit.

Rated: M

Commentary: I was never a Hunger Games kind of girl but I did read the books, this crossover is super interesting and holy shit, it’s savage as fuck. I love it.

~ Multichapters

Someone to Stay by carrieonfighting

Summary: Ryan can't sleep at night, and Shane is an enigma

Rated: T

Chapters: 2/2

Commentary: Oh, man. This two-chapters fic is something else. There is a part in which Ryan puts holy water on Shane’s coffee because he can’t believe the things that are happening between them. The denial is real. Also, it’s just very good.

Me and You by SaturnineMartial

Summary: "Have you ever thought about getting married?""That's a loaded question if I ever heard one.""Never mind, forget I said anything."

Rated: M

Chapters: 2/2

Commentary: The start of a series I’m very interested in. This lovely fic has all I love in my fluff: love, cuteness, marriage proposals and sweet lovemaking.

Foolish Mortal by ghostwheeze

Summary: After a demon encounters a teenage Ryan Bergara on-board the Queen Mary, the spirit decides to follow the entertaining boy around, eventually possessing a vessel to spend even more time with the kid. When they both land their own show where they investigate the paranormal, the demon - Shane - takes glee in watching Ryan try to interact with spirits. If only he knew there was one right next to him.

Rated: T

Chapters: 8/8

Commentary: I will be forever in love with this fic and that one chapter when we got Ryan’s POV and we saw how he came into an understanding of who Shane is, and then-- he found out the truth. This is an mazing fic, a classic in the fandom, and you HAVE to read it.

Oblivion by InkStainsOnMyHands

Summary: Tragic consequences typically follow when a god falls in love with a human. Typically...

Based on the comment:"My theory is that Shane is the devil and was just super bored. Then one day he chanced upon a poor scared Ryan and thought “this is pretty fun” and now follows him to supernatural sights to have a giggle at his expense. But that’s also why they never capture anything on video, because the evil spirits and demons know Shane for who he really is and are too afraid to mess with him."

Rated: E

Chapters: 3/3

Commentary: One of the best AUs out there. Since the beginning, it traps you into the narrative and the way Shane is characterized. The story between him and Ryan is beautiful, this is literally soulmates without it being an AU, they are damn mean to be. This fic is the literal meaning of eternal love.

The Great Heist Of Shane Madej by Cat (ActualBuckyBarnes)

Summary: Have you ever wanted to run away?

Ryan Bergara, local troublemaker and scoundrel, has his whole world turned upside down when he finds out that his best friend, Shane Madej, is being abused by his parents. Ryan spends the next four years of his life trying to get Shane away from his family - but what happens when they finally make it?

A story about being lost, and then being found again.

Rated: M

Chapters: 3/3

Commentary: While I haven’t finished reading this because life is kicking my ass, I’m enjoying it a lot. As an abuse survivor, these are nice things to read.

You're Just What I Needed by doctorkaitlyn

Summary: In which Ryan and Shane first meet (and make out) at a party on the final day of the semester, officially fall for each other over the course of a summer spent two thousand miles apart, and then make out some more, all while having spirited debates about ghosts, cryptids, and whether or not Medieval Times is awesome.

(Spoiler alert: they agree to disagree on all of the above.)

Rated: T

Chapters: 3/3

Commentary: This fic is lovely and warm, I love the way their relationship starts and how it develops as the chapters keep going. It’s a lot of fun to read.

The Ghost Of You Is Close To Me by skepticseptic

Summary: Character A is a spirit medium that has the ability to see and communicate with spirits – the problem with this is that Character A has started to develop a crush on Character B, one of the friendlier spirits that comes to visit Character A.

Rated: T

Chapters: 2/2

Commentary: While this may not have a proper happy ending, I still think it’s happy and sweet. Ghost Shane is… adorable. You’ll see.

Don’t Want it Troubling Your Mind by Crimsonflowerz

Summary: Shane Madej really liked Ryan Bergara. He was funny, a joy to mess with, and took his brand of teasing pretty well. He would consider him a friend, kind of. But when the team goes to investigate the Franklin Castle for ghosts, Shane gets more than he bargained for, and the results could cost him his friendship with Ryan.

Rated: T

Chapters: 7/7

Commentary: One thing that makes this fic so original in its own is the fact that it has such a… charming demon. Anael is fuckig funny, he a bitch-- but so funny. He is evil and you hate him for doing all he does to Shane, the way he plays with his mind, and the three final chapters are just– horrible. But yeah, this fic.. it’s gooood. Also, ace!Shane.

Office Space by skepticalghouligan

Summary: The construction really was only supposed to take a few weeks on Ryan’s office. And it would have - it was a simple expansion and paint job. That was, until Shane Madej got brought onto the project. It only took two days (and three near misses) for Ryan to believe Shane may be trying to kill him. But could it be something else?

Rated: E

Chapters: 19/19

Commentary: Like I said before, this author is one of my favorites and in part it’s because of how well planned and build his fics are. This wonderful story is such a funny yet deep AU I love with all I am.

Hey, nude by y00ti

Summary: Shane drunkenly tries to send a nude to some guy he met on tinder. It doesn’t go as planned.

Rated: Not Rated (I would say T)

Chapters: 3/3

Commentary: I had so much fun reading this fic. I first read it here on tumblr and soon the author posted it on AO3 and it’s glorious. All the pining and the sexual tension... You will laugh a lot.

The Department of Unsolved Cases by trailsofpaper (Sanwall)

Summary:  Ryan Bergara hasn’t been an FBI agent for long, but he’s seen enough inexplicable things during his career to know there’s more to the world than meets the eye. He comes up against the stubbornly skeptic Shane Madej, head of the Unsolved Cases department - the basement where low-priority cases go to die.

The case of possible alien abductions and UFO sightings become top-priority very soon however, and Ryan starts to think that maybe Shane has a reason for wanting to stay on the Unsolved Cases even though he used to have a very promising FBI career in front of him.

Come to think of it, maybe Ryan also has his reasons for wanting to stay by Shane’s side even when things get rocky.

Rated: M

Chapters: 10/10

Commentary: I’m on chapter three of this one, and so far, so good. It’s a great adaptation of The X Files and the boys characterization is very good. I’m liking it a lot…

Lost Buttons by Trash4bears

Summary: They have somewhat platonic sex in a haunted place it's as simple as that

Rated: E

Chapters: 3/3

Commentary: There’s nothing platonic about this fanfic, lmao. It’s hot, super dirty, but hot. Chapter three has some of the best positions I’ve read ina while. And dialogues are amazing.

Maelstrom by thewindupbird

Summary: Here’s the thing about driving halfway across the country to see someone. You can’t really deny, after that, that you’re pretty much head over heels for them.

Rated: E

Chapters: 11/11 (complete)

Commentary: Again, I haven’t finished this fic but everyone loves it and I trust the fandom’s good taste. Beides, I read the series before this fic, and they are amazing. I can’t wait to have time and read this; but so far (chapter 4), it’s really good. I aspire to be this good.

#shyan #skeptic believer #buzzfeed unclean #shyanlibrary #dailyshyan #mine #my recs #bfu #fanfictions #fic recs #otp: we took an oath #ugh #fuck you tumblr you fucked it up #i wanted everything in one fucking post #uughhhh #and i think i will have to make a aprt iii #uuugh #i hate this #nina reads all shyan fanfics 2k18 #the ultimate list

[kyashin]

Voltron: The Fandom of You

Soooooo, hi. I want to talk about Voltron fandom, because I have some positive things to say about it. But first, I want to talk about due South.

due South is one of my favorite shows, and the fandom produced some of my favorite fan content. All around, it was a fantastic contribution to the universe. Well done, humanity.

For the uninitiated, the show is: Canadian Mountie Benton Fraser, the most upstanding and honest (and sarcastic) person imaginable, first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of his father; and, for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, he remained, attached as liaison officer with the Canadian Consulate. It was a buddy cop show, and for seasons one and two, his cop buddy was an Italian-American dude named Ray Vecchio. Some people shipped it.

The show was canceled, and then, after enthusiastic fan campaigning, lovingly revived for two more seasons with Paul Gross––the actor who played Fraser––at the helm as executive producer. Unfortunately, David Marciano was unable to reprise his role as Ray Vecchio, so yikes! Now what? The entire premise of this thing was “sincere Canadian Mountie and cynical American cop shenanigans”. The solution was to replace Ray Vecchio. Literally. Like...in the show.

The first episode of season three has Fraser arriving in Chicago after a vacation in Canada to find this hot blond dude with a way different accent claiming to be Ray Vecchio, who is dark-haired and different-accented and just...you know...an entire different human being. Aaand let’s skip to the end of the episode where it turns out that Actual Ray Vecchio is undercover with the mob, so this new dude is gonna pretend to be him ‘til Vecchio gets back. New dude’s name is Ray Kowalski. People also shipped that.

But the fans who’d like, worked feverishly to get their show back on the air weren’t counting on having half the duo they wanted back erased from the show. !!!!!!!!!!!

Enter the Ray Wars. (Seriously, there’s a whole thing about them on fanlore.)

And a disclaimer: I wasn’t in the fandom for the height of the rage and fury, but I did saunter in as things were winding down, and even then some of the wreckage was still smoldering. That whole kerfuffle was Fandom Infamous for a super long time––and people who’ve been in Fandom long enough definitely know the Ray Wars by name AND reputation. For years, I’d see the Ray Wars held up by others as one of the ultimate examples of “intense fans” and just how Not Good a Look fandom can make for itself.

Here’s the thing though: the Ray Wars took place in the late 90s. No social media, no widespread understanding of fandom throughout the population. Fans were, like, on mailing lists and shit. The people who created AO3 were posting fic on web hosts like Geocities and Angelfire. Some people still called the internet “the web”, AOL was the gatekeeper to the internet things for a lot of people, and fans were figuring out that we could do ~*~*~*this*~*~*~ to make our user names look super unique and cool (not that I did that, just to be real, real clear). In that time, fandoms were very, super insular worlds with very tall, very robust fourth walls separating fans from creators and actors.

And for decades, these niche-occupying fans were accustomed to consuming very heterosexual content––shows and movies and comics and video games––and then writing whole-ass essays about how you could interpret this same-sex ship as legitimate within canon if you tilted your head 23 degrees, closed one eye, ignored the heterosexual ending, and stared long enough at these four screenshots from that one scene in episode 13.

You’d see flinches of contact between Fandom and The Established Source Material Creators sometimes. but it was rare. Anne Rice, for example, haaaaaaaaates fanfiction, and she’d go to great lawyery lengths to erase all she could find of it from the internet. Generally speaking, though, creators lived over there, and fans lived here, and we didn’t have much of an opportunity to interact with each other outside of, like, letters and conventions. There were still disrespectful fans, but you had to, like, make an effort to be a direct nuisance to the cast or crew.

Also, admitting to liking “slash” fanfiction as a woman back then got you “you just like slash because you’re too jealous to imagine your favorite male characters with women” at best and “that’s disgusting” at worst. ...Eh, there was probably worse, let’s be real.

So you can imagine the reaction many of us had when Paul Gross was interviewed about due South’s upcoming third season in 1997 and said of Callum Keith Rennie, the actor who’d play Ray Kowalski, “I tell you, slash fiction is going to go crazy when they see the new guy. He is really good-looking and sexy, the dangerous side of Fraser. It will be totally homoerotic.” THESE WERE THINGS AN EXECUTIVE PRODUCER SAID. IN 1997. KNOW WHAT ELSE HAPPENED IN 1997? ELLEN DEGENERES CAME OUT. AND THEN LOST HER CAREER BECAUSE OF IT FOR A LONG-ASS TIME. WILL AND GRACE WASN’T EVEN A THING YET (1998). NEITHER WAS THE ORIGINAL UK VERSION OF QUEER AS FOLK (1999).

Like, holy shit???

And the thing is? He wasn’t baiting. The show intentionally included a LOT of subtext between Fraser and Ray Kowalski, to the point where the last episode of the show showed Ray having a literal identity crisis because he could tell Fraser wanted to go back to Canada permanently and like, “who am I without him” and then the series ends with the two of them sledding into the actual sunset no I’m not exaggerating that happened WHAT EVEN WAS THIS BLESSING IN 1999.

Were they canon? Eeeeeh. Kinda? It was 1997, I’d call whatever they were groundbreaking, at least for me. And the reason I say it wasn’t baiting is because all Paul said was, “Slash fans will like this,” and many of us did. So, y’know. Truth in advertising. Well done, Paul.

AND NOW IT IS THE YEAR OF OUR QUEERS, 20gayteen, and SO MANY THINGS have changed for the better for LGBTQ folks in the last two decades. Like, Voltron fandom is WILD to me sometimes (in a fantastic way) because some of the fans are actually young enough to have been born after the AIDS crisis, after Matthew Shepard was brutally murdered, after Don’t Ask Don’t Tell––after all these horrible, devastating wounds were inflicted on our beautiful queer family. There are actually fans in Voltron who believe, without a sliver of doubt, that a same-sex pairing can and will become canon.

That’s bananas to me. That there is hope like that! Belief like that! Because I was born at the very end of the AIDS crisis and I didn’t hear the word bisexual until I was, like, twelve, let alone have enough of a support system around me to embrace that label for myself. B A N A N A S.

So of course––of course––there’s a part of me that hopes a same-sex pairing will happen in Voltron. Just thinking about how Dreamworks almost made Miguel and Tulio a canon couple in The Road to El Dorado in 2000 makes my heart twinge with disappointment. (Yes, Chel is great, but.)

See, I’m super attached to Voltron even when the writing is clearly stifled and bridled in by the people whose job it is to sell lots and lots of Voltron toys. I read klance fic and reblog VLD fanart and I have one (1) friend who also watches the show. We talk about it sometimes, and I throw fanart of Shiro at her because he’s her favorite. She doesn’t ship anything, and I am a cheerful little klance-shipping demon. I am in a fandom of two, and it’s pretty great in here.

But.

Voltron’s a lighthearted kid’s show about humans and aliens piloting mecha lions in space to save the universe from space colonialism, and while I will be dizzy with glee if a same-sex couple becomes canon in this show, I want it more for the intended audience of Voltron: kids.

I met a kid last year at Osaka Pride whose mother said, “He came home from school and told me, ‘I don’t feel like a girl or a boy,’” so this young mother brought her child to Pride to learn more about the community that her baby might belong in. And that lovely little human stayed on the fringes at first, apparently shy, until their mother told them, “Go on,” and then they spent the next ten minutes literally jogging around all the booths and beaming at everyone: the trans women in neon dresses cooing at how cute this little sunbeam was, the booth folks selling rainbow-themed merch, the couples hand-in-hand without shame or fear. And when they came back to their mom, they were completely carefree. And I thought, I wish that had been me.

And maybe it could’ve been, if every single cartoon I consumed as a child wasn’t coding gay men as villains, overtly implying that LGBT people had a direct link to actual pedophilia, and aggressively promoting heterosexual romance as The Only Acceptable Way of Love. If I’d grown up in a world where Ruby and Sapphire were on TV being happily in love every week, I might’ve realized what was in my own heart sooner than college.

So there is part of me who understands why people are so emotionally connected to the possibility of a ship like klance becoming canon. I’ve felt that urgent hope, that wild hunger, again and again and again and again in my life, and the only time I’ve ever had that hope realized in canon was in 2016 watching Viktor and Yuuri skate together in Yuri!!! on Ice. I cried. A lot.

I understand the emotion fueling the very, very bad decisions being made. In the simplest possible terms, the people who repeatedly harass the Voltron cast and crew are people who want a thing and are prioritizing getting that thing over the mental health of real people. I think it’s a symptom of internet detachment. When one is flinging words into a void, one doesn’t have to see how they’re received. Their actions––if I haven’t made it clear––are objectively harmful, and I don’t condone them.

But what I want to say––what I wrote this whole thing to say––is that Voltron isn’t a terrible fandom, and it isn’t the first fandom to have loud, overzealous fans who cross the line and make people inside and outside the fandom alike think, Yeesh they’re/we’re all lunatics. Voltron fandom is not The Worst, because I guarantee you if The Ray Wars were happening today, there’d totally be people on Twitter attacking Callum Keith Rennie directly for daring to replace David Marciano. It could have been so, so much uglier than it was, and it was already Bad.

In 1997, the fourth wall still more or less existed, and LGBT content––let alone respectful content––was scarce to say the least, so Fandom Discourse at the time remained generally contained to fan-on-fan unpleasantness. Today, that fourth wall is utterly gone, and I think all fandoms have to adapt to that and learn a whole new code of etiquette. LGBT rep is important, but there are respectful and effective ways to get it that don’t involve harassing the cast and crew. The voice actors and creators and crew of Voltron deserve basic human decency, and to be seen as people first and content creators second. It’s entirely possible for the majority of fandom to interact respectfully with the creators––it’ll just take time and patience, like most things that last.

So listen, everything’ll be fine. Try to have patience with each other. To quote a manga I’ve been translating: “There will be times in your life when you won’t be able to avoid being angry. Don’t make little things bigger than they have to be. Laugh and forgive.” Or, in this case, laugh and ignore. If you like a thing, awesome! Tell people! Or don’t! And if you don’t like something, carefully consider the consequences of what you do after you realize, I don’t like this. I don’t ship sheith at all, but for the last two years I’ve managed to leave alone the fans who do ship it and not send Shiro’s voice actor and his family angry, threatening messages. It wasn’t even difficult, guys. I just, like, read some klance fic instead.

I felt compelled to make this because I keep seeing posts from Voltron fans calling Voltron fandom a raging garbage fire and sure, there’re people playing near dry kindling with flamethrowers more than is advisable, but Voltron fans have created and will continue to create some beautiful content and friendships just for love of a show, and that’s lovely as fuck. If you’re feeling ashamed of your fandom and you haven’t done anything wrong, remember that you’re fandom, too. Keep being respectful, kind, and good. The terrible people won’t go away, but they won’t define the fandom for you unless you let them.

Be kind to each other, and things will improve.

And if anyone tells you your ship is bad, don’t talk to that person anymore, because that person probably has some dry kindling and a flamethrower.

And hey, if you’re at the end of this post and you’re like: Wow, this was way too short, and I would like to read more things this person has written, there’s always my Team Voltron-in-Japan AU. It has klance and Nyma/Allura and I enjoy writing it.

Wow, I’m hungry. Bye! :D/

#voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #fandom #due south #klance #sheith #other pairings #etc.

[sheenawilde]

Unknown affair (A Men in Black fanfiction)

Jay gets injured on a mission and Kay has to help patch him up.

Ah, this pairing gives me life lately. I love writing them. Oh, and look, I wrote smut! I'm usually uncomfortable writing smut, but this story just needed it...

Also, there's going to be a long Roadtrip AU coming up with this pairing. I have started working on it, first chapter isn't going to be posted until I get it all done. It might take some time till I get to it though, but I'm going to try and hurry with it. :) And there's definitely more one-shots coming up with them.

You can also read it on AO3.

Getting injured frequently was something Jay had gotten used to in his previous job as a cop, but being hit by a spiked tail in the back, leaving not only his suit but his skin - and if he suspected correctly, his flesh - torn was sure as hell a novelty. It made him fly over the room, too, and he had been more concerned with that one at the time, running back to Kay to provide back-up, but now that all was said and done and they were back at the base, he realized that it hurt like a bitch. He went straight to the infirmary and the nurse there led him to an examination room, telling him to wait a bit because they had another attack, too, and injured were coming in from there as well.

That was a good twenty minutes ago and Jay hadn’t seen the nurse ever since. The doctors were there, too, and while Jay understood that more serious cases took priority, he didn’t want to get some nasty ass space infection either. So deciding to take matters in his own hand, he rummaged through the cabinets for disinfectant, cotton pads and some gauze, sat down on the bed and started to clean out the wound.

Well, he was trying to at least. For one, he couldn’t see where exactly it was, only feel it, and even when he roughly mapped out where it was, he couldn’t quite reach it, not all of it, and not enough to properly clean it. He sighed in frustration and looked around the room, searching for tweezers or anything that would help him reach it, when there was a short knock, the soft hiss of the door opening, and Kay entered the room. He looked over him, crossing his arms, and raised his eyebrows.

“I was wondering what took you so long but this explains it. Why don’t you just get a nurse to help you?”

“Oh, yeah, why haven’t I thought about that!” Jay said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. “Everyone’s gone to help out with the injured from other case.”

“Ah, yes, Zed told me about it. Awful case that was, but fortunately there were no deaths, only injuries” Kay nodded seriously, frowning. He stepped closer to Jay, unfolded his arms and motioned towards his injury. “I can help you out with that.”

“You sure?” Jay looked at him a bit unsurely, making Kay roll his eyes.

“Nothing too complicated, kid, and certainly nothing I haven’t done before” Kay said as he stepped behind Jay, taking the disinfectant and a cotton pad up from the bed. “Besides, I need my partner in working condition as soon as possible and you were not getting anywhere with that alone.”

“Well, yeah, these things called bones kinda not let you reach your back” Jay answered snarkily and he heard Kay huff out a laugh. He hissed as the disinfectant touched his sensitive flesh but immediately tried to discipline himself.

“It looks horrible, so it’s gonna sting a little” Kay informed him and he could hear the amusement in his voice.

“Yeah, you don’t say” Jay muttered, throwing a glance at him over his shoulder and tried not to flinch when pain shot into another point on his back. “It feels horrible, too. Am kinda glad I can’t see it.”

“It looks worse than it really is” Kay shrugged while he continued cleaning the wound carefully, trying to focus only on the wound. Not on the back it was on or who that rather muscular back belonged to. His mind was already supplying him with thoughts and ideas that he would rather not have, he didn’t need his body getting the message, too, and making the situation awkward.

“Yeah? Good to know…” Jay mumbled and Kay said nothing to that. He finished with the disinfectant and reached for the gauze.

“I’m going to have to bandage it properly because it’s in a very bad spot. If I only put plaster on it, it’ll come down quickly and won’t heal properly” Kay said as he took a roll of bandage in his hand and started wrapping it around Jay’s middle. He had to lean closer for that, close enough that he felt Jay’s scent, a mixture of his deodorant and sweat, and he took in a sharp breath at the unexpected rush of heat that shot through his body, going straight to his groin. He almost groaned out loud in annoyance. Wasn’t he too old for this? If he’d had to pick one teenage trait, he would have preferred to have no aching joints, not… this. Not that he had any say in the matter, he thought bitterly, and took deep breaths while trying to focus on anything but how close he was to his partner. Patching Jay up really shouldn’t turn him on, even if it required this proximity.

When he wrapped the final part of the bandage around Jay’s torso as well, he sighed with relief. That was it, he was done, he could now excuse himself and escape the room, go to the restroom or anywhere he could silently be alone until he felt calm enough and Jay never had to know.

“All done, tiger” he said in such a calm, matter-of-fact voice that he even surprised himself he managed to sound like that. He took up the used cotton pads he had gathered in a small heap on the bed and brought them to the trash bin standing in the corner of the room.

“Um, Kay… Could you help me get my shirt on? I don’t really wanna move my arms around much, it kinda hurts” Jay turned to him and although his expression was completely normal, he sounded somewhat… breathless? But Kay couldn’t really focus on that part, he tried to move in a way that his – fortunately fading – condition wasn’t that obvious. It was one of those situations where he was glad for the MiB issued pants, they were quite a loose fit.

“Sure thing, kid” he nodded as he slowly made his way towards Jay. He stood in front of him, reached for the clean shirt on the bed and started unfolding and unbuttoning it more carefully than it was strictly necessary. By the time he was ready, he deemed it safe enough to step close to Jay again to be able to help the shirt on him. But Jay was still sitting on the bed, watching him and he raised an eyebrow at him. “Come on now, you gotta get up or I can’t help you.”

“Kay…” Jay said in a breathless voice, almost in a whine, but Kay didn’t have time to be surprised by that for too long, because Jay grabbed him by the arm and pulled him down into a kiss. A needy, impatient kiss and Kay had responded into it before his brain could really process what was happening. He dropped the shirt he was holding and it didn’t even matter if it landed on the floor or, due to some miracle, on the bed beside them. He freed his arms from Jay’s grip and wrapped it around his neck, moving closer and groaned into the kiss contentedly when he felt Jay’s arms come around his waist and drag him even closer.

Kay couldn’t help himself anymore. As Jay deepened the kiss and playfully bit his tongue, he impatiently pushed Jay flat on his back and followed him closely, climbing over him on the bed.

“Ow, ow, this hurts!” Jay pulled away, face scrunched up in pain and Kay quickly pulled back, kneeling up on the bed. But before he could get too far and start regretting this whole, Jay grabbed him by the shoulder and maneuvered them around until he was lying on his back with Jay draped over him. “This way’ll do it” he grinned down at him as he reached to undo Kay’s tie and threw it away.

Kay smiled back at him and pulled Jay down to a kiss just as his hands started working their way down on the buttons of his shirt. He let the other strip him of his jacket and his shirt impatiently, then relished in the feeling of Jay’s lips trailing down on his chest. He smoothed his hand over Jay’s soft skin on his arms, his shoulders, his back, minding his injuries this time, then let his fingers tangle into his short hair as those sweet lips moved up to his neck. He carefully dragged him up to another kiss, hands sliding down along his body to stop at his belt. He wanted to unbuckle it quickly but his hands trembled with need and hurry and he fumbled clumsily with it.

“Let me get it” Jay pulled back with a cheeky grin and sat back on the bed, turning to his shoes first and threw them away. Kay let him and he too pushed himself up to a sitting position, and mimicking his partner, kicked down his shoes and socks, then removed his pants and, after some seconds of hesitation, his underwear, too.

Jay was ready about the same time and looked over Kay eagerly, curiously, making him feel somewhat self-conscious under his gaze, so he just grabbed Jay by the arm and pulled him into a kiss instead. Holding him close, he leaned back down on the bed, and Jay pressed his hips down against him, making them both groan at the friction.

“C’mon, Slick” Kay breathed impatiently and hooked a leg around Jay’s hips, bringing them closer, then reached down with one hand, grabbing their erections and rubbing them together. Jay’s breath hitched at that, then he started thrusting into his hand with a growl of pleasure, leaning his forehead against Kay’s shoulder.

They took up an impatient, unsteady rhythm, Jay grinding down hard against Kay. They didn’t say anything aside from the occasional moaned ‘fuck’ as they worked towards their climaxes. Jay came first, crying out Kay’s name, and that was what sent him over the edge, too, going limp on the bed as his partner collapsed on top of him, the both of them panting heavily.

After they cleaned up, they lay there on the bed, with the blanket loosely draped over themselves and Jay snuggled up to Kay’s side, positioning himself mostly on his side and stomach, his head resting on the other’s chest. Kay was slowly, lazily stroking Jay’s back, mindful of where his wound was. The bed clearly wasn’t made for two persons but they fit, so they weren’t complaining.

“Hey” Jay said suddenly and pressed a kiss to Kay’s chest before turning his head to look up into his eyes. “Are we together then?”

“Is that what you want?” Kay looked back at him with that unreadable expression Jay didn’t like at all. Especially in situations like this. Why did this stupid man have to be so complicated?

“Yeah, it is. Isn’t that what you want, too?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at him. The few short moment while he was waiting for Kay to answer seemed impossibly long. He didn’t regret that they’d had sex but he didn’t want to leave it at that, either.

“Yes, I want that, too” Kay nodded and a small, tender smile formed on his lips. Jay smirked at that happily and leaned up to capture those sweet lips between his own. “You look horribly stupid with that grin on your face” Kay said teasingly when they pulled apart.

“Oh, shut up, like you’re any better!” Jay smirked back and didn’t protest when his partner – lover? well, that was also correct now, he figured, but man, was it strange to think of him that way! - pulled him into another kiss. He liked kissing Kay, he decided, and the feeling seemed mutual. Kay tangled their legs under the blanket and pulled him closer, and Jay made a happy sound in his throat. He let his hand wander southwards on Kay’s body, leaving it up to him where it would go. He was kind of happy to leave their conversation at that, too – he really, really wanted this to work out and overthinking things never led to anything nice. Maybe if they didn’t overcomplicate it, then everything would turn out just nice…

Suddenly he heard the hiss of the door sliding open and quickly broke the kiss, turning around, and expected to see the nurse or a doctor walk in. If they tried to give him any shit about his alternative usage of a hospital bed, he would very well tell them to get lost after making him wait so much. He would still be in pain if it depended on them.

But it wasn’t a nurse or a doctor. It was Zed who was standing at the doorway, looking at the bed with a look of annoyance and exasperation that mildly confused Jay. But his presence made both of them sit up and stare at him wide-eyed, afraid of what was coming next. Neither of them expected Zed to roll his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Look, I haven’t said anything about your relationship so far despite it being against the rules, mostly because it’s been going on for years when I finally caught up, and it haven’t interfered with your work. But please, at least try to be discreet about it. I know the whole galaxy knows about it, anyway, but really, at least… Not this conspicuously. I do think sex isn’t allowed at regular workplaces either. I’m only asking you not to do it at the headquarters, it’s a rational wish, for God’s sake!” Zed ranted at them, completely unfazed, aside from his slight annoyance, then turned to leave. “Get dressed and go home. You’ll get your next case tomorrow” he called over his shoulder, then walked away.

The two agents sat at the hospital bed, completely mortified and utterly confused. They looked at each other and Jay knew they must have had similar thoughts circling their minds. Relationship? For years? The whole galaxy thinks they are already together? What the hell?

“Zed, wait, come back! What are you talking about?” Jay called after him and started to scramble out of the bed, searching for his discarded boxers and hissing when he leaned down to pick them up and the skin stretched on his back, pulling on his wound.

“Slow down, Slick. If Zed really thinks this has been going on for years, this conversation can wait ten minutes” Kay said teasingly, but he was visibly just as confused as Jay was. They both dressed quickly, Jay with a little help from Kay, then went to track down Zed and confront him about this whole mess.

#men in black #men in black 2 #mib #agent jay #agent j #agent kay #agent k #agent jayXagent kay #agent j/agent k #agent jay/agent kay #agent jXagent k #writing #my writing #my writings #writings

[nol-overwatch]

Writer’s Callus, Chapter Two

Fandom: Durarara!!, Baccano

Pairing: Shizuo Heiwajima / Original Female Character

Tags: Mystery, Romance, Drama, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, not too sure what else to put without it spoiling too much.

Synopsis:  A foreigner visits Ikebukuro for the first time. She’s only supposed to be there for a few days and then return home, but this is Ikebukuro after all. The city of gang violence, flying sign posts, and unorthodox sushi. Those aren’t the only things keeping her entranced; it’s when she met a certain blond in a bartender’s outfit, that she started wanting more out of her mundane life.

You can read it here on AO3 and FanFiction.

—

‘My memory is not like the other one

Turn to strike my face

Always second place’

The young woman calmly turned off the alarm clock. She would’ve let it play for a bit longer, but the events of yesterday came rushing back at her, and she smiled at that.

She slowly sat up, her green eyes blinking slowly as she surveyed the hotel room she’s staying in. Her hotel, Sunshine City Prince, was a little too fancy for her tastes, despite it being a 3-star hotel. She very much preferred staying at a local bed and breakfast, but of course, her family wouldn’t allow it.

The sky outside her window was a pale blue color, with a slight pink tint and light gray clouds dotting the distance. ‘It’s a nice day to go out exploring,’ She thought as she carded fingers over her messy auburn locks. As she stretched her limbs, her hand landed on the familiar leather bound journal she kept at her side.

Her fingers skimmed the surface; the large print on the cover read ‘READ THIS’ and she figured ‘no, there’s no need this time’. Not with how the day started like this. With a satisfied sigh, she picked up the book and set it aside on the table next to her bed.The time on the clock read 7:03 am. She can grab her breakfast at the convenience store by the park, as she wanted to eat while watching the people of this city.

Ren turned on the TV, managing to catch up to a local morning show, while she washed up, changed out of her negligee and into her usual shirt and slacks. She packed light, knowing her family would provide her some appropriate clothes for the funeral, but she also thought of shopping for clothes here, as well as the souvenirs she’s bound to bring home.

“...the Slasher has claimed two more victims—”

The young woman looked up from the sink just in time to see a glimpse of the TV through the bathroom mirror. ‘A slasher? In a place like this?’ She wondered as she dried her face and let the towel rest on her neck. She then leaned on the doorway of her bathroom and watched the news.

What looked like a pixelated mess was first shown on the screen, until Ren realized it was just a close-up shot of the victim’s bodies. “I’m here at the west entrance to Ikebukuro Station where the crime happened.” There was a reporter in front of the ambulance, and behind her was a haphazard mess of yellow tape and police officers. It might be the camera angle, but Ren knew the place must be swamped with commuters and onlookers, especially since it’s situated at one of the busiest subways in the country. Traffic must be a pain in the ass right now.

She sat back on the bed and picked up her journal out of reflex. She was already rifling through the pages when a frown creased her face. The news of a slasher in the area worries her a lot. Should she write that down, just in case?  ‘Might be a good idea. Who knows, it might save my life.’ She thought as she reached over her bedside table for a pen, when the telephone rang.

She tilted her head, curious as to who would call her at this time, and reached for the phone instead. “Hello?” Ren said, then realized she spoke in English rather than in Japanese. She coughed awkwardly and apologized in the appropriate language. “Sorry, do you need something?”

“Good morning, Miss Shiori. This is the reception desk of Sunshine City Prince. We hope you’re having a wonderful stay.”

“G’morning. You have something for me?”

“Yes, you have a call from Mr. Masa Shiori, shall I refer the line to you?” Ren suddenly gripped the phone a little too tightly. ‘To think he would be calling already.’ Her eyes narrowed as she resisted grinding her teeth. Right, this is something she’s bound to face since coming here anyway.

“Miss?” She clicked her tongue and forced herself to smile. Yeah, it’s inevitable, but that doesn’t mean she has to face them right away. “...No, tell him I went out.”

“Understood, miss. Have a pleasant day.” There was a soft click, and the call ended. Ren then threw the phone on the bed with more force than necessary and massaged her temple. What an awful start to what should be a nice day. The family meeting’s not until the day after tomorrow, but not even a full day has passed and that annoying miscreant of a brother of hers is already ruining it for her. She wanted at least a few days to herself, but now she has to figure out a way to avoid him until then.

“Okay, first things first.” She said as she grabbed her journal once again. It’s imperative that she must write this down. At least, she was about to, when a loud growling sound from her stomach distracted her thoughts. Ren sheepishly smiled to herself; weirdly enough, that seemed to calm her nerves a bit.

“First things first,” She instead grabbed her coat, her wallet, and most importantly, her journal, and strode out of her hotel room. “Let’s get some breakfast.”

—

It didn’t matter that he turned in early, Shizuo was still late for his job.

He chanted a mantra in his head, urging himself to calm down before he’d get infuriated over something as trivial as a delayed train. Honestly, he should’ve just walked in the first place. Then he wouldn’t have to think of turning the place upside down, that would make things a whole lot worse.

Shizuo stalked the streets with a half-lit cigarette, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. He already texted Tom, but even that guy’s also late because of the delayed trains. ‘What a shitty day.’ He bitterly thought as he impatiently waited for the pedestrian light to turn green.

Sunshine 60 shopping street is just as busy as it usually is. The morning rush was starting to die down, despite the chaos that happened this morning regarding the Slasher. Shizuo thought, since it’ll be awhile til Tom-san meets up with him, he might as well get something to drink. Ah, right, he should stock up on his cigarettes. A few nights ago, he once smoked through a whole pack after chasing a certain flea out of the city. That really stressed the hell out of him.

Shizuo slipped into the first convenience store he saw, right across the usual place he and Tom would often meet. “Welcome,” The store clerk greeted him just as the blond nodded and immediately headed over towards the vending machines selling his favorite brand.

It was then he saw that person again, his whole world slowing to a momentary pause.

They were still wearing the same outfit as yesterday, though it looks like they didn’t style their hair properly; it was tousled to the side revealing more of their face. Now that he’s standing so close, he can see that they’re probably a young woman, around his age. She looked as if she was contemplating something, and stood in front of the vending machine he was aiming for.

‘Her eyes are closed again.’ Thought Shizuo, and immediately he shook his head. The hell was he thinking all of a sudden? Who gives a damn whether he can see her eyes or not. He sighed loudly, moving to the next vending machine so he could get his cigs then get out. This day’s not going into his favor, huh.

He started punching in buttons, when suddenly, he heard her speak up. “...Blue American Spirit.”

“Ah?”

He swiveled his head to her side, and he was shell-shocked once again. Frankly, she wasn’t even looking at him, but at the vending machine he was using. And it was only then he got a clear view of those pale green eyes of hers, ones that continue to stop him in his tracks for god-knows-why.

It really was a question that has plagued him since last night. Why? Why is he acting like this towards a complete stranger? It was a surreal, almost familiar feeling.

Kinda like...the first time he met Celty, his mysterious transporter friend. No, he’s quite sure, it felt exactly like that feeling.

Unaware of the emotional turmoil brewing at this guy’s head, the young woman tapped her chin and continued to stare at the row of different cigarette brands in the machine with remarkable interest. “That brand seems to be incredibly popular here. That must mean their investment would do well then.” She said quietly, her gaze unmoving.

‘What a weird woman.’ Shizuo concluded. This city is full of strangers and weirdos, and this one didn’t seem to be an exception. “Lady, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He grumbled as he adjusted his blue sunglasses. “But lemme just buy my shit, alright?” He turned to face her, but suddenly flinched when he found her looking at him directly.

What, did he assume wrong? Is she actually a pretty boy? He mentally shuddered. Tom, and even that oddball Shinra, did tell him to be careful when addressing someone based on their looks. A lot of people would take offense if they were addressed wrongly, however this one didn’t seem the slightest bit offended. Rather, her lip curled into an apologetic smile as she slowly shook her head.

“Mhm, go ahead then. Please excuse my rambling.” She bowed politely and walked off to another aisle. Shizuo slowly went back to buying his pack, his mind rewinding back to what just happened. That was definitely a foreigner; her Japanese is perfect but there’s an underlying accent there that he can’t quite place. Unlike Simon, his Russian friend who works at a sushi place and has a distinct accent, she sounded American.

His brow ticked in annoyance. There he goes again, thinking about this stranger. He should tell Tom when they meet up, ask for his advice on what to do before this becomes a problem. Shizuo finally got his pack, and went towards the back where the refrigerated drinks were kept. He grabbed a carton of milk, and sauntered over to the counter to pay for it.

That auburn-haired woman was there too, having her items checked out. She got a carton of milk as well, albeit it’s the fruity one, and three spicy tuna onigiris. It also looked like she was rummaging wildly into her pockets, “That’s odd. I swear I brought it along with me…” She muttered to herself as she started emptying her pockets. Both Shizuo and the store clerk deadpanned at the stuff she was placing on the counter: candy wrappers, spare change, a book, a brochure for a museum, two subway maps, and what looked like hotel keys.

‘Why can’t she just use a bag to hold her stuff?!’ The both of them had the same thought.

“Ah! Here we go.” Finally, she procured a small, colorful card with a flourish. “I can use this point card here, right?” She beamed as the clerk hesitantly separated her stuff from the food on the counter.

“Y-yes, miss…”

The cashier started putting her items in a plastic bag just as she began cleaning up the mess she made. If Shizuo didn’t think she was unusual before, now he thinks she’s got a few screws loose. ‘Not the first time I met someone like that. ’ He thought as he silently watched their exchange with a bored expression.

“Here you go, miss. Please come again.”

Plastic bag in hand, she thanked the cashier and, to the blond’s surprise, tilted her head to face him once again. Still that apologetic smile on her face, but a little wider and much more relaxed, she gave him a small, informal salute. “Sorry to keep the line waiting!” She chuckled before quickly leaving the store. The man stared after her, eyes blinking in confusion.

‘That a tourist thing?’ He wondered as he paid for his pack of cancer sticks and his milk. He declined the plastic bag, deciding to consume it immediately after buying it. That, and Tom must be waiting for him at the usual place.

“Oh,” The voice of the cashier snapped Shizuo from his thoughts. “That woman forgot this.” He said, holding up a worn-out, leather bound book. The blond recognized it as the one she was digging out from her pockets, and it looked like the same one she was reading last night too.

Without thinking, he grabbed the book out of the cashier’s hands and bolted out of the store. He almost bumped into someone in his hurry, but Shizuo didn’t give it any thought as his gaze swiveled up and down the shopping street, looking for that particular auburn head. He’s tall enough to look over the heads of the average person, but damn, there’s still so many people walking by this way. “Damn it…” He cursed as he squinted at the distance. She can’t have gone too far, but…

“Huh, Shizuo?” He heard a familiar voice and he followed it to one Tom Tanaka, who was curiously looking at him in front of the store. “What’s up? What are you—”

Shizuo interrupted him. “Tom-san, did you see someone walk out just now?” His sudden question made the man in the dreads scratch his chin in contemplation. “Huh? No, not really. I just got here myself.” He replied as Shizuo continued to look up and down the street. No good. There really is no sign of her. Usually by now he would have noticed that certain hair color, or that mysterious aura of hers.

Or even just the uncanny way her eyes would stare, as if she’s seeing the depths of his soul.

Sighing, his shoulders drooped while he rubbed the back of his head. Tom frowned at him, then looked down towards the book he’s holding. “Does that...belong to them or something?”

“Yeah...idiot forgot it on the counter.” He clicked his tongue as he tucked the book under his armpit. He and Tom stood by the shade of a newspaper kiosk as the blond explained the situation to his boss.

Now, he’s stuck with that person’s possession. Should he return it to the store and have them take care of it? He pondered over the thought until the older man spoke up, “Well, if it bothers you so much, why not try and read it? Their name might be in there, or maybe an address.”

“Oh, yeah. You might be right.” Said Shizuo, who grasped it on hand again and rifled through the pages. His eyebrows then shot up above his glasses, and the next, frowned deeply. Tom was in the middle of checking out a magazine from the kiosk stand when he noticed his bodyguard’s alternating expressions.

“What’s wrong? Is it not there?”

“...No, it’s just...” The blond then held the book wide open and showed it to him, who peered at it carefully then did a double take.

“Don’t suppose you can read english, Tom-san?”

“Hell no, I didn’t even take it seriously during high school.”

“Me neither.”

He forgot he was dealing with a foreigner here. He sighed as he gingerly flipped through the pages. Even though it’s written entirely in english, what surprised him the most was the content of this book. He couldn’t understand a single word, but every page, every line, it’s written and filled completely to the point that the page started thinning under the weight of the ink. He figured, that person must’ve cared for this book a lot. She’s written on it so often to the point that it's sagging under the weight of overuse. When she finds out it’s missing, would she remember that she left it here? Is it actually a good idea just to leave it to the convenience store staff then?

Shizuo reached the last page, or what he thinks is the first page considering it’s a western book, and there on the very bottom of the page was a single line, two words. This must be her name, and he racked his brain trying to remember how to fucking read it.

Tom watched him glare at the page with intense concentration and sighed. He tried hiding an incoming smile, so as not to embarrass his subordinate. “We’re gonna be in Sunshine 60 for the whole day, so when they come back looking for it, you’ll spot them right away. Sound good?” He said in a reassuring tone, causing the other to finally calm down. Some of the tension left Shizuo’s face as he looked away and awkwardly adjusted his glasses.

“...Sounds good.”

—

It did sound like a good idea, until the sky darkened to a burgundy orange, and soon night would fall over the city of Ikebukuro.

And there’s still no sign of that weird foreigner lady.

He and Tom went through their usual routes. The pachinko parlors, the manga cafes, nondescript bars and clubs, each time had the same situation as the last. His boss would inform their clients of their debt, they’d bargain for another day or two, Tom would persist, and they would bring out some sob story explaining why they couldn’t pay today. And that’s where Shizuo would finally step up, at least, Tom would mention his name first, and if they didn’t budge, then yeah, he would step in and wreak havoc. He always hoped their clients would finally start thinking with their brains first and just pay up front already, but then again if they keep doing that, he might not have a job anymore.

Anyway, it was only after Tom told him it was the last client of the day that Shizuo then noticed the setting sun. He stopped by the same convenience store for the 5th time, and asked the clerk if she’s dropped by already. And every time, he received the same answer, “No, sorry she hasn't come back yet.”

Now he and Tom were having a late afternoon snack in front of the very same convenience store he kept visiting. Tom got himself a hot cup of coffee, and Shizuo with his usual bottle of cold milk.

He didn’t think this would already be a pain in the ass. Lugging it around was okay, but keeping an eye on it, making sure it doesn’t get lost, during their rounds, was something else entirely. Maybe he should’ve looked for someone who could understand the language. “Mhm,” Shizuo took a long drag out of the fifth cigarette he’s smoking today. “Does Celty know english..?” He contemplated out loud, as Tom started lighting his own after finishing his coffee.

“Why not try contacting her? As for me, I’ll see if anyone at the office knows the language.” The man in the dreads said as flipped open his phone, already typing in a text. Shizuo’s relieved that Tom’s on the same page as him; he didn’t even need to explain much. This is why he’s one of his few friends in this city.

The blond unflipped his phone, ready to text the Urban Legend herself when, just as quickly as the thought crossed his mind, he heard it. It’s the rush hour; people are coming home after a full day of work, or at least, hitting up Sunshine street. One would be hearing all sorts of things at this hour, the general conundrum’s almost deafening. However, he heard it immediately, the separate sound of running footsteps, light but hurried and obviously in a panic. Shizuo inclined his head towards that sound, and sure enough, it’s that woman again.

Her hair askew and matted with sweat, her green eyes were wildly looking around until she caught sight of the convenience store she stopped by earlier. She was about to run inside, when she realized too late she was going to crash into someone. “A-ah!” She gasped, stumbling over her feet as if she tried to stop herself, but in the end that person’s body’s becoming closer and closer she’s going to crash—

“Whoa, there.”

The woman blinked. For some reason, she was completely halted. She didn’t fall over too. What on earth..? “Hey, you okay?”

Shizuo gripped her shoulder, easily stopping her from crashing onto him. He crossed the street as soon as he saw that familiar auburn head, intending to call her out as soon as she’s within earshot, but saw instead that she might get into an accident with that kind of speed. Good thinking on him, to use his own body as some sort of wall.

Tom put down his phone, his bespectacled face surprised to see that the owner of that book is a woman, and a woman that seemed to make an impression on the blond as well.

She was panting, clearly out of breath from running, but she stared up at Shizuo with the mildest surprise. “Y-yeah, thank you…” She slowly said, finally standing up straight to look at him properly. The blond could see that she was scrutinizing every detail on him, and that drew a frown out of him. “Something on me?” He didn’t intend for it to sound menacing, but it did anyway, causing her to shake her head hurriedly.

“N-no, that’s not it! It’s just that….If I remember correctly, you’re that guy from this morning, right? Buying cigarettes at this store?” She gestured to the shop while he nodded along. “I know it’s far-fetched but have you seen a journal around here? It’s leatherbound, it has some printed letters at the front—” She went on to describe the appearance of the book, the very same book still tucked under his arm, and he wondered if she ever spotted it on his person.

She was still explaining, her voice growing frantic and weary. Doubts and hopeless thoughts were filling up her head, prompting her to trail away in her words. She looked as if she was on the verge of breaking down right in front of him.

Without another word, Shizuo handed her the book. She had stopped talking then, the mere appearance of the book sent her mouth agape, her lower lip quivering as she gripped it a little too tightly. “This...this is…” She started as she visibly shook.

The blond blinked. ‘Is she going to cry? Over this book of hers?’ He put up his hands, as if to calm down whatever’s coming, but then she looked up at him with a wide smile, tears pin pricking her viridescent orbs. “Thank you! Thank you so much..!” She exclaimed.

“Uh, I—”

“You have no idea…” He paused. “You have no idea how important this is to me…” She uttered as she brought the book closer to her chest. Shizuo rubbed the back of his neck. He always seemed to be tongue-tied around this woman. Not that she was a difficult person to deal with, rather it was as if he didn’t know how to interact with her. He looked at Tom for advice, but for some reason the dreadlocked man was looking away, his back turned on them while looking at some magazines on a nearby kiosk.

“Uh,” He awkwardly began. ‘If Tom won’t help me, then I might as well finish this on my own terms.’ “Sorry, I tried going through it.” She tilted her head at him, as he explained further. “I was looking for a name, or at least, an address, but then I couldn’t read english.”

She hummed thoughtfully at that. “Mhm, that’s okay. I know you’re only trying to help.”

She then rummaged into her pockets and procured a pen. Stepping closer to him, she opened the book right on the first page, where he thought the only two words there were her name. She calmly smiled at him, her otherwise spent appearance looking quite serene right now. “My name is…” On top of those two words, she wrote her own name in kanji.

Ren Shiori.

Shizuo read it over and over again. He thought that name fits her so well. “And you are?”

“The name’s Shizuo Heiwajima.” He replied bluntly. It’s been a while since he had to introduce himself, usually people in this city knew his name before he even got to do normal introductions. His name became a warning to those who are new to Ikebukuro, a warning to stay away from him.

So was it okay? For a foreigner or a tourist, to know his name so casually? That looks to be the case because Ren nodded at him with a tiny grin, the barest signs of apprehension visible on her face. “It’s nice to meet you, Shizuo.”

And in turn, she thought that name suited him well.

#durarara #shizuo heiwajima #shizuo x oc