#this sucks but we all just have to deal with it

[outermaybanks]

bsf!jj teaches you how to suck dick

a/n: y'all have been so kind, showing so much love to the rafe blurb and my oc fic, so here's a thought i had after thinking abt some personal experiences (18+ nsfw, mdni)

cw: uhhh kind of manipulative jj but it's hot so it's okay. consent is given enthusiastically, that's all that really matters

“And apparently, Rebecca gave one to Sean,” you complained. “I swear I’m the only girl who’s never done it before.” You turned your head from where you laid on your bed, JJ sitting on the floor beside you, scrolling mindlessly on his phone.

“No way every girl’s given a blowjob but you,” JJ replied flatly, his attention on ‘his insta models’.

“Feels like it,” you huffed, turning back to look up at your ceiling. “I just don’t want to miss out on vital teenage experiences. What if I wait too long to learn, and then I’m bad at it?” 

This made JJ chuckle, and then in the silence after, you hear the click of his phone. “Y’know, y/n, if you really just want the experience… I could teach you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you turned your head to look at him. “Are you making fun of me?”  “Dead serious. I mean, it’s just practice, and who better to practice on then your best friend?”

“Practice…” You mumbled to yourself as your thought it over. JJ scooted closer to the bed.  “Like when we practiced kissing, that wasn’t a big deal, right? And then you won’t be the only girl who hasn’t done it.” “And you won’t be mad at me if I’m bad at it?” “Don’t worry ‘bout that, I’ll teach you.” You bit your lip, it sounded enticing. “And it’s not a big deal?” “Nah, I’m sure friends do this all the time, they just don’t talk about it.”

That made perfect sense to you, whom for a while had lustful thoughts about the blonde, surely everyone wants to fuck their best friends, it only made sense.

“Okay, yeah,” you decided, sitting up. JJ quickly pulled himself up to sit on the bed beside you. “How do we start?” “Well, you can’t suck my dick if it ain’t hard,” JJ answered. “Is it hard?” “I don’t know,” JJ replied, taking your hand in his, leading it to his crotch. “Am I hard, y/n?” You bit your lip, “A little…” “You can get me harder than that, c’mon,” JJ encouraged.

Your eyebrows furrowed together, and you wet your bottom as you tried to recount all you had seen in porn. 

“Start by kissing me, y/n,” JJ said softly, already leaning in. You quickly closed the gap between you, you were well practiced on kissing JJ, already knowing how he liked it. You brought your hands to cup his cheeks, pulling him closer. JJ liked when you were needy for him. 

“You can touch me,” JJ mumbled between kisses. “Where?”  “Where do you want to touch me?”

You slid your hand down his chest until it once again was met with his hardening cock. JJ let out a soft moan against your lips before kissing down your neck. You tried to bite back a moan, but it still escaped your throat as you slid you hand down the front of his jeans, rubbing his dick through his boxers.

“Mmm, just like that, y/n, you’re doing so good,” JJ said breathlessly. “Can I see your tits?”

You looked at him with doe eyes, before pulling away to pull your shirt over your head, JJ’s palms immediately cupping you over your bra. “Gorgeous fucking tits.” “Mmm don’t tease, JJ.” “Wouldn’t dream of it, cupcake. Can I take your bra off?”

You nodded before continuing your strokes, you could feel his dick getting harder and harder, and the thought was making you salivate. JJ’s hands reached behind you and expertly unclasped your bra, helping it slide down your arms before moving to take off his pants.

You took your bottom lip between your teeth as you were met with the sight of JJ’s cock, pale and veiny but with a pretty pink tip, already leaking precum. JJ put his hand in front of your mouth. “Spit,” He commanded, and you obeyed, spitting in the palm of his hand. It was almost pathetic, how JJ could get you to do anything he wanted.

You watched as his hand wrapped around his cock before he stroked it a couple times, spreading your spit over him.

“Okay, now get on your knees, y/n.”

Your body moved automatically, kneeling on the floor in front of where he sat on the bed. “Good girl, now just use your tongue at first, work your way up.”

You looked up at him through your lashes before licking a stripe from his base to his tip, JJ hissing at the feel. “Good, just like that, baby. More.” You did it a few more times before giving his tip a few kitten licks, moans falling from JJ’s lips, and before you could think, you slid his dick in your mouth.

“Fuck, y/n,” JJ breathed out. You kept your eyes on him as you moved your head back in forth, like you had seen girls in porn do. “That’s it, baby, suck in your cheeks.” You did as you were told. “You feel so fucking good… hey, wanna know what guys really like?” You nodded the best you could with his cock still in your mouth. “Take me as deep as you can, but go slow, okay?”

You pushed back further until your throat stung, making your eyes water. “Fuck you look so fucking hot, y/n. You can take it, baby, I know you can.” JJ’s praises encourage you, and with each swivel of your head, you tried to take him deeper and deeper. JJ’s hand wrapped in your hair, keeping it out of your face as he watched you. “I’m gonna make you a pro at this, I promise, baby.”

You began to gag around him a bit, so JJ moved your head slower for you. “Breathe through your nose, you got this, just relax that throat, princess, you can take it.”

With your cheeks still hollowed, you brought your tongue to the underside of his length, and you let your nails rake up and down his thighs. 

“Fuck, I’m close, keep doing that, y/n, just like that baby. Can I go faster? You can handle it, right?”

You nodded, prepared for it this time, but JJ took that as a yes for him to thrust, making his dick hit the back of your throat, pulling a whine from you, but JJ could only focus on the vibrations on his dick, letting out another moan. You could feel yourself growing wet from pleasuring him, you had forgotten all about your urge for experience, this was about making JJ feel good. 

“Fuck!” JJ exclaimed, pulling himself from your mouth. In an instant you were shocked, disappointed even for him to stop. “Stick your tongue out for me, baby.”

You obeyed mindlessly, sticking your tongue out for him, mouth wide as you kept your eyes on him. He began fisting his cock right in front of his face, and you realized what was happening, and you felt electricity buzzing through you, you were making JJ cum.

He let out a few moans, then turned to whimpers before his cum landed on your tongue, some getting on your face.

“You gonna swallow, baby?”

You closed your mouth and swallowed, before using your finger to wipe the stray cum off your face, licking your fingers clean. “You did so fucking good, y/n.”

“Thank you for teaching me, J.” “Imagine how good you’ll get with a few more practices.” “Now?” You asked, and JJ chuckled.

“No, not now, baby. Gotta give Junior a rest. But if you want to repay me, you could let me practice eating pussy.”

©outermaybanks 2024

#outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #jj maybank #jj #jj maybank x reader

[nuffintop]

"It's Not Like I'm Into You. "

Husband! Naoya Zenin x Fem! Reader Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI Synopsis: Just Naoya Zenin being dishonest about his growing feelings and dealing with it in his own twisted way.  CW: Degrading. Nipple play. Spanking. Slight exhibitionism. Breeding kink if you squint. Naoya Zenin.  WC: 1288

♡♡♡

Husband! Naoya Zenin who swears he doesn’t like you. This is purely a match ordered by the clan, and he will delude himself into thinking that is the case. He lets you live your pretty little life, barely sparing a glance at you, because he knows that at the end of the night, it is his bed, you’ll be crawling into. 

He has a firm grip on you, fingers digging into your hips forcing you to take more of him, while he guides you to bounce on his cock. He toys with your nipples, teeth grazing the hardened buds, biting down on them, his smile widening when you let out a little yelp, and yet despite the pain, your back is arching for him, pressing your breasts against his face, giving him more access to toy with your sore breasts. Even when you try to squirm away, saying you’re tired, his grip is unwavering, keeping you in place. After a whole day of not having you by his side, he needs his fill of you. 

He’ll sweet talk you into spreading your legs for him, and when you mewl out, asking for a break once more, he pins you to the mattress. You’re on your stomach, head pushed down while he proceeds to use you as if you were his own personal fleshlight, bullying his cock into you. He has your hips lifted up so he can watch the way your pussy stretches around his cock taking his length. His grip on your hair tightens whenever your walls clench around him. “Don’t you dare cum without permission.” He growls lowly, his thrusts picking up pace, almost bruising your insides with how rough he’s being, each thrust focused on hitting your g-spot. 

Naoya mocks the pretty little wails escaping your lips. “Such a loud little thing for me, aren’t you? Cockdrunk brat, can’t even wait for me,” his palm connects with your ass, squeezing the globes of flesh, laughing when you hiss out in pain. “Go on then, cum for me.” He’d fuck you through your orgasm, even if you’re sensitive, thrusting into your ruined cunt, till he cums. He’s only satisfied when he pulls out, and he can see his cum leaking out of you, your pussy unable to hold all of his seed. He’d gather it up in his hands, “Can’t have this go to waste now can we? Open,” and thrusts his fingers into your mouth, making you clean up the mess he made. 

Husband! Noaya Zenin may act like he doesn’t care, but when it’s just the two of you, locked in your room together, he can’t bear to be apart from you. His hands are constantly on you, he, is constantly on you. Husband! Noaya Zenin, doesn’t even realise he’s becoming obsessed with you. 

Jealous Husband! Naoya Zenin will be even less honest about his feelings. Don’t you realise you’re his? It’s him you’re destined for, his ring on your finger, his bites littered across your body, his cum filling up your womb.  

So when he notices the way others flock to you like pests begging for a crumb of your attention, he realises that he’s not the only who desires your presence – or the only one who you’re sweet to. 

This is a man who enjoys the power he has over others, he knows no one would question him, so to him, it doesn’t matter where he ruins you, or who’s lucky enough to see your debauched state.

 He’d pull you aside, pinning you against the wall. This is one of those rare occasions where Naoya is on his knees. He has your legs pulled over his shoulders, sucking on your swollen clit through your panties, his tongue circling around it,. He’d teasingly graze his teeth along your clit whenever you try to squirm away from him. One of your hands is tangled in his hair – you can’t tell if it’s to push him away or pull him in closer, while the others clamped around your mouth, muffling your moans, knowing that if you’re too loud, anyone walking by could see what he’s doing to you. 

He’d ignore your pitiful pleas asking him to stop. He pulls away only when it's hard to distinguish whether your panties are drenched from your wetness or his saliva. “Trying to drown me, isn’t she?” He grunts, pushing your panties to the side to run his fingers through your drenched folds. “Stupid girl, if you wanted my attention you could’ve just said so. And here I thought you’d forgotten me.” 

Back up on his feet, Naoya has a bruising grip on the back of your thighs,using it to wrap them around his waist, tugging you closer to him, till your cunts pressed against his bulge.“Is this what you wanted?” He mocks, sliding his cock out of its confines and rubbing it along your slit. “Where’d all your strength go, hm?” he cups your cheeks roughly, squishing them together, making you look up into his darkened eyes.“Use your words.” 

And while Naoya isn’t the most patient man, he is when it involves you being embarrassed, especially when he is the cause of it. 

The hunger in his eyes is palpable when he feels you getting wetter for him, your wetness dripping onto his length. He moves his hips slightly, dragging his cock against your folds, pressing the tip against your entrance, a teasing reminder of what you could have. Meanwhile, his eyes are on you, amused at the way you try to look away from him, your eyes sealed shut even though his hand has now slid down to curl around your throat, angling your head up so he can leave marks across the column of your neck, and that’s when he hears it – it’s soft, barely audible, but he hears it, your little mumbled,“y-yes-” That’s all he needs to tighten his hold on you before sinking into your warmth. And if you say it’s too much when he’s ripped your third orgasm of the night, he’d remind you, that you wanted this, begged for it even. 

And when he finally lets you back down, he’d guide you back to whoever you were talking to, his hand sliding down your back to lightly stroke the back of your thighs. He’s not discreet about it. Not even when he slides his hands higher groping your butt, fingers dangerously close to rubbing your ruined cunt through your panties – and he will do exactly that when he believes someone’s taking up too much of your time, time that you could’ve spent on him.

 He’s emboldened by the way you get flustered, stumbling over your words, trying to distract them, saying you’re fine, all the while he's knuckles deep inside your cunt, stirring up your insides, thrusting his cum even deeper into you.

Jealous Husband! Naoya Zenin, realises you’re too popular for your own good. He also realises there’s a way to quench his anger whenever he feels this way. It’s not through confronting his feelings, absolutely not. He realises he gets much greater enjoyement from having you by his side, holding onto his arm, barely able to stand from him playing with you throughout the night. He realises he’s not opposed to going to more events if it meant seeing you ruined for him. It also gives him an excuse to spend more time with you –  and an excuse to always have his hands on you. And in the most dramatic fashion, he locks your underwear drawer whenever you have to make public appearances, so when you wear the little dresses he’s chosen for you, he has easy access to mark you before, and during the events. 

#annwrites♥️ #Naoya Zenin #naoya smut #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk smut #naoya x reader #naoya x you #naoya zenin smut #jjk naoya #naoya zenin x reader #jujutsu kaisen #zenin naoya #zenin naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #the voices made me write this i swear #naoya x reader smut

[chanelles-world]

𝑒𝓍𝑜𝓉𝒾𝒸 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒

author’s note: hihiii enjoy this n lmk if u want a pt 2.

warnings: clubbing, kissing, dirty dancing, drinking, grinding

your eyes scanned over the overly-heated room full of sweaty, hot bodies and blaring music. There were three things that you were heavily frustrated about. Firstly, your bitch of a best friend left your side to fuck with some idiot after she was the one who dragged you here to Exotic Love, the name of the club. Secondly, you were lonely right now. And thirdly, you were very, very sexually frustrated. Hoping to get at least one boy down your pants, you wore a racy outfit. It was a shimmery, black one-sleeve sequin dress that stopped dangerously high on your thighs.

Inches below were expensive black faux boots. you knew you looked good and by the hot looks flashed your way, you knew that you looked good to other people as well. But, see, none of them were quite right. So, instead, you stood propped against the wall, wanting to get hot and heavy, at twelve midnight.

"God, bring me a fucking angel, or something," you muttered angrily. And as if your prayers were answered, you saw the most beautiful man ever. His cobalt blue eyes were pinned on you, more alluring than ever and his tawny hair swept down his toned face perfectly.

His thin lips pulled into a smirk as he strode forward, towards you. "And we have a winner," he laughed, grabbing your hips and pulling you close to him as if you’d know each other for forever. you smirked and pressed a hand to his chest. You gave it a little shove, causing him to stumble back some. "What I win?"

“Well, I've been walking around looking for beautiful woman and you seem to have caught my eye," he admitted. you rolled her eyes. "Let me guess," you said. "You've used that line all night just so you can hop into a girl's pants?" you crossed your arms over your chest and leaned against the wall again.

The guy smirked beside you. "C'mon, y/n. Have a bit more faith in me." your eyes narrowed. you did not deal with stalkers. Sexy as hell or not. "How the hell do you know my name?"

"I'm Tara’s friend," he confirmed. "Let me introduce myself properly. Chris Sturnolio, soon-to-be-lacrosse- legend, and ladies man. Also, like I mentioned, your best friend's friend." He smiled. you nodded, taking in his answer. "Alright. So, you're not a creepy stalker dude. Do you want to dance?" you took his hand and started moving them out to the dance floor. "Of course you do." Chris smirked and let you drag him to the floor.

Rihanna's We Found Love was blasting through the walls, with colorful probe lights flickering everywhere. you wrapped your arms around Chris’s neck as your hips immediately began to sway at the catchy music.

Chris grabbed your hips, watching, mesmerized as you moved perfectly with the beat. You twirled around, pressing against Chris as you lowered yourself to the floor. you stood back up, your hips still moving and Chris swallowed.

"Damn, y/n," he whispered in your ear. He grabbed your arms and turned you around, crashing you against his chest as he did so. you didn't have any time to breathe before Chris was slamming his lips hard to yours, rubbing his growing erection against your bare thigh. You moaned erotically and gripped harshly at his black V-neck.

Chris pulled back and wasted no time to suck and nibbled at your supple skin. You licked your lips as your eyes fell closed and your head tilted to the side. He trailed his hot tongue down your neck and then began to suck on your collar bone. you stopped moving completely beneath him. you just wrapped your arms around his body, loving the hot trails he left in his assaults.

Chris pulled away and pulled you closer, his hands squeezing your firm ass through the itchy material. Your gazes held for a moment before you felt your back being pushed against the cement wall and Chris’s lips covering yours again.

You brought a leg up, wrapping it tightly around his thigh. "I'm not going to last long," Chris panted, disconnecting your lips and making you whimper at the loss contact. "Can we get out of here?"

"Hell yes," you breathed, then grabbed his arm and sliced through the throng of bodies. You were almost out of there when you heard an all too familiar voice calling her name. You turned to see your best friend Tara Yummy. "You better behave yourself, chica," Tara giggled. "That's my friend."

"Your friend that needs to fuck," Chris said through gritted teeth. you pressed your ass firmly against his erection and smirked. Tara frowned. "Chris, don't you fucking curse at me. And I so did not want to fucking hear that. If you get my best friend knocked up because you can't keep your little pin-dick to yourself, I'll seriously fuck you up."

Chris rolled his eyes and grabbed your arm. "I want you to have fun with that, tar. But, anyway, I have got to go."

author’s note: want a pt 2???? plus if you wanna be added to the tag list lmk

tag list: @mattslolita @mbbsgf

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo smut #sturniolo x reader #hot as fuck #smut #sturniolo smut #chris smut #romance club #kisses #grindcore

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend because of his older sister?

Title will not make sense without context. For simplicity, let's call my ex B (20) and his sister S (21 almost 22)

So I (20) used to date this guy B. We met through a college summer class and just immediately clicked. We bonded over shared favorite media and characters, career interests etc. A couple weeks later and we decide to start dating. It'd been going really well for about a year so far up until about a week or so ago.

B had mentioned his older sister a few times in passing, but never mentioned her name. He'd only refer to her as "my sister" and she wasn't really brought up often, either. I sometimes asked stuff about having a sibling since I'm an only child, but for the most part she wasn't really a big deal. One day he tells me that she's turning 21 soon and that I should come to his family's to celebrate (they decided to celebrate earlier than her actual birthday since everyone's way too busy for the next month to do anything (jobs plus summer classes you get it)). I say yes, get all pumped up to meet his family (he's hyped them up a lot. Though he didn't mention his older sister, he'd talk about his parents and grandparents a lot) and the day comes and I realize that.. his older sister is one of my exes.

The moment we noticed each other was the most awkward minute I've ever had to endure in my entire life. He introduced me as his partner to her, and we both nodded at each other in greeting (at the time I also took it as a silent agreement to not say anything about our past relationship)

The party goes well, despite the awkwardness. We were both good at pretending nothing was wrong (this will come back in a moment) so the night passed well and we head back to my apartment. The next day I tell him the truth: that his older sister is one of my exes, and that it was a nasty breakup. I'm talking throwing glass kind of breakup (moreso her throwing glass at me). We were both drunk when it happened and things escalated VERY quickly, and afterwards we both went completely no contact. He says he believes me, and we'll just not visit his parent's place when she's there, but unfortunately she literally lives there, so visits would be rare. This sucks for a couple of reasons. 1 He's a huge mommy's/daddy's boy and loves his parents/gparents to death, and 2 if we ever wanted to have any big moment in our lives like marriage, kids etc she'd have to be there, and I just generally wasn't comfortable with that. He says there's nothing he can really do about that and we both sorta get quiet for a bit before he excuses himself to go back to his place, telling me to think about it a bit more. I do, and the next day I call him to break up with him (low to breakup over the phone, I know) and i can hear him start to get a bit choked up before we hang up.

It's been about a week since then and although I'm confident I never want to see her in my life again, I miss my boyfriend and feel awful for putting him through this. But I know there's feasibly no way for us to be together while avoiding his sister for the rest of our lives. So AITA for breaking up with him? Is there something I could've done different?

#aita #am i the asshole

[sapphicmuppet]

unresolved things still in my brain post fhjy finale

okay hihi this is not me trying to nitpick I just have a lot of unresolved thoughts!! okay here we go

Buckys arc:

I don’t have a ton of stuff to say just generally his arc being unresolved, being counted as a follower of Cassandra but that never being formally gone over, him still living with Mac and Donna, him skipping class, the drama with his adventuring party etc.

Bobby Dawn:

another self explanatory one, Sandra Lynn never finding out he was teaching at school, him escaping scot free, the drama in the sol pantheon, him never finding buddy etc. Just a lot of unanswered questions

Mazey Graduating:

for having a finale that has a lot of emphasis on the Fabian/Mazey relationship I wish they went over that Mazey IS a senior and graduated at the end of the year and is presumably going to college in the fall, and just the logistics of her being a college student still dating someone in highschool, just interesting having them get together when they’re already going in separate paths. I wish they went over it!! because now in my brain I have to justify it as a summer thing because they’re actively going to be doing other stuff the next school year.

Kipperlilly (and Jace):

okay so. Kipperlily was never rage starred or she willing took on the ragestar whatever I NEED TO KNOW MORE. Ik the point is that the ratgrinders suck and are inexperienced heroes but the realization that she essentially took all of The Ratgrinders down with her and gave them up to Porter, wasn’t being controlled by him in the way the rest of them were, had an even more direct hand in Lucy’s death, but also was still being manipulated by Porter for years?? I need it to get gone over. Also Kipperlily staying dead? to be clear it shouldn’t be The Bad Kids’ jobs to have to deal with the moral question on if the ratgrinders deserve being revived but there’s so much unsaid about Kipperlily and so much she didn’t get to do ugh. And in her final moments her absolute hatred towards Riz just being justified? In her eyes. Idk. Lots of thoughts. AND JACE!! Porter ADMITS to killing Jace himself and shatterstarring him and says he will do it again, but also Jace is clearly under Porter’s control to a degree and wasn’t revived too. I wish we knew more about him because as of what we know right now it seems crazy to keep him dead without questioning him and with him being Porters partner in this whole thing he could fully reveal everything Porter and The Ratgrinders had been doing the past three years.

Bakur:

idk just minor stuff with Bakur. He never regained his elf status which was interesting? We never saw the resolution of his fight with Lydia etc

Kalina:

Okay the acknowledgment in the finale that Kalina seems to genuinely have her own free will and moral compass outside of Cassandra is making me crazy because I just assumed she was tied to Cassandra so when she was good Kalina was too by default but there’s so much not cleared up about her. She DID lure Cassandra to the synod where she was weak and fostered the rage in Cassandra about Kristen’s treatment of her. She killed herself and was trying to communicate to Riz about Porter. Ankarna has NEVER trusted her. She had the spies tongue with Porter. She’s escaping with Buddy at the end. WHATS HAPPENING WHAT IS SHE DOING AGGHHHHH

#feel free to rb with unresolved stuff for you #fantasy high #d20 fhjy #fantasy high junior year spoilers #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #d20 fhjy spoilers #d20 fantasy high #the bad kids #the ratgrinders #bucky applebees #bobby dawn #sandra lynn faeth #fabian aramais seacaster #mazey phaedra #kristen applebees #buddy dawn #kalina #cassandra fantasy high #ankarna #bakur #lydia barkrock #porter cliffbreaker #kipperlilly copperkettle #jace stardiamond #the rat grinders #lucy frostblade

[tossawary]

So far (partway into the Hueco Mundo arc, I skipped the Bount arc completely), "Bleach" seems to... shy away from interesting consequences for the issues it directly brings up. (Also, oh, man, all the filler varies in quality so much and it is BRUTAL on the pacing of the main storylines.)

Like, I think a lot about the Soul Society arc had a lot of missed potential in general, but I also thought the end of it is where things get genuinely exciting. The Gotei 13 has been repeatedly shown to be uncaring, incompetent, cruel, authoritarian, etc. and it seems like the characters are fighting against this hollow structure built on unsustainable tradition finally cracking under the weight of whatever unjust powers are obviously behind Rukia's execution and apparently Aizen's murder. Multiple captains start turning against each other for different reasons. It seems like Ichigo is just one small part of a much larger world.

And then Aizen is revealed and things still feel pretty delicious! What he did to Momo was REALLY fucked up and painful to watch in many ways. It's not unreasonable that Aizen's betrayal immediately halts a lot of ongoing fights. It makes sense that the Captain Commander doesn't want to turn around afterwards and start executing people for turning against him after losing three captains and all of Central 46. But... I would still expect there to be more lasting cracks and broken trust between the remaining members of the Gotei 13. The top four members of Squad 11 briefly turned against the Gotei essentially for funsies and yet characters like Toshiro and Rangiku don't seem to have any real resentment or suspicion over this casual disloyalty. I vaguely hope the psychological weight of and anger surrounding Aizen's fuckery is explored more later on, with more seriousness, but I can't trust this show not to essentially drop the issue completely.

I don't need this show to have Soul Society turn into some socialist / communist / anarchist utopia. But it is a downer to have a character as absolutely vile as Kurotsuchi thrown in my face during his fight with Ishida, knowing that not only does Kurotsuchi survive, but he's presumably continuing his utterly inhumane work in the Soul Society while everything else is happening. And the show seems to treat him as more of a joke mad scientist in the background than someone as or even more evil as any of the hollows. And I can't fully trust that this aspect of the Soul Society will ever be honestly confronted, even as simply a deeply tragic element representative of the Gotei's unchanging hypocrisy.

The Gotei 13 has an assassination squad! You don't have an assassination squad unless you're regularly killing people who are "undermining" your power, probably including lots of poor people in the outer districts trying to organize communities, based on actual history. These aspects are what made the soul reapers such effective and complicated antagonists in the Soul Society arc! And the flip to "yeah, they're Ichigo's allies now, mostly" was very sudden and kind of... underwhelming.

I don't care if parts of this story are tragic and this obviously broken system is left mostly unchanged at the end, it's just annoying when the story treats certain aspects as happy endings or just a funny joke, instead of delving more seriously and deliciously into just messed up everything is! How the soul reapers are unable to handle the burdens here!

From what I vaguely remember overhearing, Aizen ends up being a relatively flat villain, with relatively shallow goals and motivations regarding taking over the worlds and rising to godhood, which feels like missed potential when there's so much about this world that sucks! If Aizen had any honest motivations about making things better for any group of people, including hollows and their shitty deal in all this for example, then we might actually have a more interesting dialogue happening about the state of everything. I would like to see him honestly appealing to Orihime's kindness and sense of mercy in order to get her to join him. Her brother turned into a hollow! She has reasons to care about hollows potentially wanting to be more human again and living better afterlives than fighting forever in the sands. Maybe Aizen could just be lying about helping other people, but it would be more interesting to see this type of persuasion, and I'm already fucking sick of so much of Orihime's motivations focusing on helping Ichigo instead of her feeling torn about her tragically and traumatically dead brother who turned into a hollow.

(Side note: I don't fully understand why Aizen didn't just take over the Gotei 13. Between his hypnosis and his minions and his plots to take out rivals, he could have surely installed himself as the next Captain Commander eventually. Neither Ukitake (chronically ill) nor Kyouraku (relaxed drunkard) seem to honestly want the weight of that position. Aizen just seems to like drama, I guess. Fair enough.)

I've just reached the fight between Rukia and Aaronerio who is pretending to be Kaien, and it feels like the story is bringing up a genuinely cool idea only to throw it aside as a trick by a relatively boring hollow character. What IF Kaien had become a hollow? What IF Kaien had joined Aizen because he had some legitimate grief with Soul Society and the Gotei 13? I have vague memories about Aizen having Kaien killed and framing the Shiba Clan because Kaien was investigating him, but it's sooooo boring to have Aizen be at fault for EVERYTHING. The fallen lieutenant / almost captain from a disgraced noble family treated badly by Soul Society... turned into a hollow and forced to survive tragedy he wanted to kill him and unable to return to the Gotei 13 for help? Joining up with Aizen because he wants to take down the Soul Society and make a better world? That's COMPELLING. That's COMPLICATED. That's something that promises to get MESSY if Aizen is lying to Kaien and/or Kaien has genuinely lost his way and/or Kaien HAS A POINT. But the show brings it up only to bail on the concept.

Maybe some of the things I've talked about here will be brought up later on. I expect them to keep bringing up many of these issues, actually! I honestly just don't expect satisfying explorations and resolutions to anything, given what I've seen so far. They're just not going for the good stuff.

(I have this playing in the background while working on other stuff. If I put on a better anime, I would actually want to pay more attention to it.)

#tossawary bleach #spoilers #fic ideas #kaien shiba #orihime inoue #sosuke aizen

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.117 The other shoe

We started the night at a bar in a fancy rooftop hotel in San Myshuno. Sophia and I didn't bother dressing up because our only goal was to meet the man that had my sister all googly-eyed, and that didn't involve nice clothes. Jace Laurent was his name. He was from Tartosa and frequented the bar where we had the party. His fancy job title didn't fool me once he explained the role. He said he was a nano-simfluencer for a company called Trend Team. Apparently, he was heavily into fashion and was seeking the attention of brands on social media so he could score an endorsement deal. Basically, he was unemployed. True, I was technically unemployed too, but at least I left home and come back with money like normal working sims.

But after a while, I had to admit he wasn't as much of a schmuck as I thought he'd be. He was definitely weird, but seemed like he'd be kinda fun to hang out with once we got to know each other better.

"Would you stop grilling him??" Alessia shouted.

"I'm not grilling! I'm just trying to get to know him. Isn't that what you want?"

"Yeah, but stop with the 20 Questions!"

"How else am I supposed to get to know him, Less??"

Like, seriously! What was up with her? First she yelled at Sophia on Winterfest for trying to stay in the conversation and get to know her, and now this? I hoped ol' dude was up to handle her moods because if I couldn't win with her, no one could.

"Don't mind her," Jace said. "She's just a little pregnant."

"I'm sorry...WHAT?!"

His proud, smug face melted into discomfort and mortification.

"Oh no...she didn't tell you."

"We're in love, Luca," Alessia shouted. "I asked him to move in."

So many questions buzzed around my brain like a swarm of bees, but the frustration flowing through my veins was stronger than the urge to get answers. I was so done with this seemingly endless stream of accidental pregnancies around me! The mere thought of another person turning up pregnant ignited a fiery anger within me so intense I could almost taste it. Okay…I wouldn't actually resort to violence, but the urge to lash out, to release my pent-up frustration, was as real as all these unborn babies in my life.

"We have to go," I said, getting up from the table.

Alessia yelled after us, questioning our abrupt departure, but I didn't care. My only goal was to seek shelter in the safety of my home because the fortress I built around my emotions had finally been breached. Falling apart was imminent now. As soon as I crossed the threshold, the pressure that had been building up all week erupted from my mouth as I hollered. I never felt so out of control before. I paced, tugged on my hair, and screamed some more. Sophia stood off to the side for a moment, watching, allowing me to get it out, but then she marched up to me and embraced me tightly as if she were trying to squeeze hope back into me. We collapsed onto the couch and cried together. I probably should have waited to tell her about my hospital visit, but how much more could it hurt? We were already at the bottom.

"Sophia," I said through my tears, "I gotta tell you something."

She sat up to hear my story and wiped my face.

"I went to the doctor. That's where I was earlier... I have low fertility too. I'm so sorry!"

To my surprise, she didn't sink deeper into despair, like I thought she would. She held my hand and showed me the most incredible display of bravery I had ever seen.

"Awwwww, Luca! Are you okay? This isn't your fault. It's no one's fault. It just...is."

I knew she was right, but life really sucked at the moment, and I didn't know how to withstand against all those blows anymore. I thought I was strong enough, but now my wife had to hold me up.

"It's just not fair," I yelled. "Alessia, Yasmine...and even Dub! None of them were trying to get pregnant! Why won't it happen for us? I feel like we're being punished for something, but I don't know what it is! I just want to start a family with you. What's so bad about that?? I've done everything to stay positive and hopeful, but I can't do it anymore! I can't do it, Sophia!"

She wiped my tears and tried to soothe me, telling me it was going to be okay, just like I did for her at the beginning of all this.

"Hey...listen...we can't give up yet, babe. We've got one more trick up our sleeve! How about tomorrow I do the IVF? Forget those treatments!"

"Are you sure? That's surgery."

"It's outpatient. This is my last chance to carry my own child. I have to take it."

"Okay. But only if you want to. I'm fine with adoption if you change your mind, but...I really hope it works."

"Me too."

#ISBI challenge #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #adolting #adolting gen 3 #luca winston murillo #sophia aguilar #alessia amina murillo #jace laurent #tw: infertility

[scatteredcloud]

I don’t read a ton of fanfiction but I don’t mind labru as a ship and I like longing and devotion and erotic bloodletting, use this as an excuse to infodump if you like, convince me to read :3

You have no idea the can of worms you have unleashed thank you so so much

Ok so disclaimers :

1. NSFW. Naturally.

2. Bloodletting may be putting it diplomatically. It’s blood sucking. Vampire horny style but no one is a actually vampire.

The fic takes place in the post cannon, with Kabru serving as Laios’s royal advisor. Their professional relationship has put them in proximity of each other near constantly, and the simmering obsession that Kabru has had about Laios through the story reaches a boiling point when Laios reveals that he’s become (monstrously) obsessed with Kabru.

What gets me (aside from just like. my own sexual proclivities lmao) is the imo perfect Kabru characterization. I think a lot of people misunderstand what drives him and so when they write him it feels kind of odd. Kabru isn’t a manipulator,in t like abusive sense but he is a…social engineer. And a compulsive liar. And obsessed with Laios. He’s a nice guy, but acts amicable helpful and friendly to mask his social engineering.

This fic really gets that Kabru will say things, not without meaning them, but some part of him projects an image of cool confidence and he will act subconsciously to maintain that mask - in the interest of furthering his own goals. Those goals in this fic happen to be finding plausible ways to be intimate with Laios while maintaining some sort of professional veneer. It also employs a very subtle head cannon of him dealing with intrusive thoughts (kill Laios) in a way that I find pretty authentic and endearing as someone who also deals w intrusive thoughts.

And Laios. Again, characterization is really on point. This fic plays up the like chimeraization of Laios, and it takes his hunger seriously in a way that I think a lot of other fics and the main storyline often play for laughs. It’s about the need for satiation and satisfaction, but never feeling fulfilled. His desire disgusts him, because he’s been told it should, and as king he has every thing he could ever want. But he’s still Laios, he’s earnest and truthful and awkward and what he wants is Kabru. Inside of Laios’s appetite (all meanings of the word) is deep shame and inside of that shame is the sensory seeking autism need to feed on food that is forbidden (monsters, Kabru)

Kabru occupies a space in Laios’s life in the post cannon that we don’t really see equivocated in the main story. During the story he certainly cares deeply for his other party members and values their insight 100%. But Kabru is regent to the throne. In the day in day out running a kingdom, Laios is no figurehead but he works intimately (lol) with Kabru to compensate for his lack of social graces. There’s also the like, subtextual bodyguard implications that Laios is perfectly capable of defending himself but Kabru is acutely trained in combat against other humans, making him especially useful to a newly crowned king in danger of assassination. This is what makes me ship them so hard - Kabru’s story long attempt to know Laios combined with the implications of their post cannon positions

This fic really nails desire as narrative tension in romance - the “I want to, but I cant” “I know we shouldn’t, but we are” Not just erotic/romantic desire either, the desire to maintain appearances, the desire to secure a career. This thing is only three chapters (for now 🤞🏼) but the DEPTH of this erotica is fucking hngdbbsbdbcbcndndbgjgkfkdkdbd

I don’t know when the entire fandom decided Kabru is a trans man but I do like it despite my contrarian impulses. It’s worked in so naturally and I love that its never made A Thing (I don’t even think it’s tagged for it which is what made it a nice surprise in this fic). When Kabru gets hot and bothered it’s discussed in exactly the way that I experience it which makes me just :] yayyyyyyy

This fic brings out the like, service top-ness of Laios also. I’m of the opinion that there’s not a clear top/bottom dynamic between them so I hesitate to put it in those terms but this fic gets that Kabru’s social engineering extends to the bedroom - he knows he can exploit Laois’s earnestness and takes advantage of that leverage

Anyways. I really really should be asleep. My nightly routine has been getting home from work. Lay down. Kick my feet and sigh dreamily about Kabru and Laios for hours so thank you again for indulging me

#eaii #labru #I should start tagging this so I don’t bother y’all

[genericpuff]

i have nothing to say about the newest episodes of LO

so I'll let past me from the year 2022 say it instead

because everything they said a year and a half ago ironically still applies today and i don't even know how that's possible but it's where we are 💀😭

#except now instead of it being entirely on hades' behalf it's now ALSO on hera's behalf #literally why have we gotten a whole ass third season that's continued to drag its heals on the main conflict of the story #persephone has to play superman for everyone else's trauma and never gets to address her own #we'll get episodes showing the empathetic POV's of the abusers tho #and literally all of them come down to “parents suck” #literally they're all the same backstory and plotline #like i get if that's the theme rachel is trying to go for here but how is this even a retelling of the Abduction of Persephone at this poin #persephone has so little to do that rachel has to literally shove everyone else's trauma and problems onto her plate for her to solve #all while her own trauma is still gathering dust in the corner #we're not even seeing her witness the women around her find their own strength and learning from them #because SHE'S TOO BUSY BEING WRITTEN AS THE ANSWER TO EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEMS #THE APOLLO PLOTLINE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE STAKES ANYMORE #CAN WE JUST DEAL WITH IT PLEASE AND END THIS FRIGGING COMIC 😭 #IT'S LITERALLY SO DEAD IN THE WATER THAT IT'S REPEATING ITSELF #lo critical #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical

[aroacettorney]

do not let caseys sunshiness distract you from the fact that she is just as much emotionally constipated as ludger.

#academy's undercover professor spoilers #academy's undercover professor #casey selmore #the fact that casey has never told anyone including betty and terinna about delica/memory storming events is so wild to me #like girlie why r u suffering from all that by urself #ppl hating on casey for having negative EQ but that only reflects how much emotional support she usually gets from others #case in point: marias selmore #wouldnt surprise me if casey has never trusted to emotionally open up to anyone ever again when its her own family treating her like that #in her entire life casey is close to only 4 ppl but they are either: #1) her sister who historically sucks #2) bestie no. 1 who is almost always swarmed with work #3) bestie no. 2 who once again gave her trust and abandonment issues #4) bestie no. 3 who is not even a human but an automaton also learning how to deal with her own emotions #not to mention to maintain her reputation as a renowned detective she must have been neglecting her own emotional needs #casey selmore my beloved just because you dont look at it doesnt mean it is not there #casey tryna brush off her emotions after the memory storming and seek to solve the problem logically like a thinker she is but #she didnt realise that she was just delaying the inevitable and so the basara arc hit her like a truck + left her bedridden for a month 💀 #caseys apologies to ludger only really solved the problem on logical terms #but there is never any emotional closure between them bc they are both painfully emotionally constipated so back to suffering we go 💀💀💀 #lesson learnt from ludgercasey angst galore: stop trying to solve emotional problems with logics

[anti-transphobia]

Everyone posts about how Stardew Valley is a cozy LGBT+ inclusive game but NO ONE mentions the lack of a platonic option for the bachelors/bachelorettes. Which would be good for aspec people and also just more pleasant for many casual players I believe but that's not even the point. I just want to become best friends with everyone and not only does that require me dating everyone at once and feeling like a sleazebag because of it (ik the bad cutscene can be avoided but I know in my heart they'd be hurt if they knew) BUT it also means the women flirt with me!!!!! Constantly!!!!!!! It makes me sick to my stomach. Truly ruining the characters I liked

#this post is not that serious or meant to be an Analysis or a Discourse Post or a Hot Take or whatever #i just think the dating thing needs to be handled differently #i should be able to Not Date characters and still get 10 hearts with them #also ive never made it far enough in stardew valley to marry someone and this is the first time i could even date someone #and ive heard that the flirtatious comments dont stop once you're married which is. really awkward for me #i mean i could probably handle the guys flirting with me while im married but id hope being married would be an off switch for it #its just awkward to have ppl im not actually dating and only gave a bouquet to so i can be their friend be called my bf/gf when. they're Not #i seriously need to find some kind of mod to fix this once i finish getting all the girls up to ten hearts #i will deal with the stomach churning grossness of the flirting for a while so i can see everything #but then I'm DONE!!! I'm DONE!!!! I just want my friends back!!!! #maru and abigail and haley !!! my buds!!! #NOT emily shes scary and NOT leah because we just didn't click and DEFINITELY not penny because i fucking hate her #penny sucks. penny dni #but yeah the flirting feels gross because im gay and repulsed by women romantically/sexually #and even though i did open myself up to this by playing the game. because i dont want it it feels like its being forced on me #which makes it feel even WORSE than normal #and its like. not only do i feel like I'm stringing along these characters #but i feel like my friendship with my favourites is ruined :(

[naamahdarling]

.

#ashamed and alarmed to discover that much like teachers #people who work closely with folks who spend a lot of time on the streets #and in shelters #or in buildings that offer services to the disadvantaged #will catch every fucking thing that goes around #just like their clients do #which sucks more for them #by like a whole fucking lot #but also sucks for my boyfriend who needs to do his job which is to help them and would rather not have to do that while sick #but we don't have a choice and they don't have a choice and this work MUST be done #so he has to try to do it anyway and hope he can hold up #desr god he is tough #for a soft guy #it also sucks for me because i catch almost all of it too #we have each been sick three times this year #and i know people do deal with and are dealing with way worse so i feel bad being mad about it #not mad at the people or my boyfriend but mad at the whole situation #this is infuriating and between us this year we could have fulfilled the snot needs of the entire nation if there were a shortage #i hope i don't catch whatever this is #and i hope our immune systems are not so ravaged by the covid we had a year ago that we cannot build a more robust immunity to rhinoviruses #ughhh stupid flesh hovels

[aspd-culture]

living in a society that’s so ableist is so wild because as someone questioning if they have aspd the ableism makes you wonder if you REALLY do because you’re just “too human”. like yeah, i see children hurt and i get uncomfortable, i see parents post pictures of their children and i worry. is it really true worry? who knows! point is, the idea that you’re inhuman for it is just drilled inside you so hard that anytime you show any sort of “humanity” you wonder if you are actually antisocial, even if you fit the criteria fine because the idea of being antisocial is boiled down to being evil and incapable of emotions; subhuman in a way. I hope that makes sense and resonates with anyone; been questioning for a while if we (system :)) could have aspd because ableism keeps making us believe a false idea of how it appears on people.

aspd-culture is

#oh gosh I feel all of this #Please remember that pwASPD are still very much human #and whilst those of us that fit these stereotypes exist and are entirely valid #many of us if not the majority of us do not #many pwASPD feel for children in pain especially because that is what caused us to deal with this #and worry is in no way mutually exclusive with ASPD #it sucks that the world we live in makes pwASPD question themselves just because they act ‘’human’’ #It makes it hard to recover when prosocials shove us in a box like that #because we struggle with healing vs feeling valid in our diagnosis #and that is just not a question anyone should have to worry about at all #aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #tw ableism #cw ableism #anons welcome

[stacy-fakename]

Rat Grinders:Don’t do anything to the Bad Kids until antagonized, and it’s later revealed that their bad actions were a result of being groomed by one of their teachers for years and then murdered and possessed.

Intrepid Heroes:Fuck you, sending you to hell and you can’t be revived.

#I love the Intrepid Heroes #but I feel like they’ve been confirmation biasing their way into dealing the Rat Grinders #just because Kipperlilly was a little bitchy after their response to her calmly introducing hersel was to be racist towards her #I love this season but it really is starting to feel like the season of missed points and lost potential #the bits are amazing #the fights are amazing #the NPCs are amazing #and the Intrepid Heroes are at the top of their game! #but I feel like they’ve repeatedly sacrificed the long term quality of the plot for bits and running gags #and in normal dnd that’s fine of course! #but this is a serialized tv show that you’re making for profit #idk if this made sense #but yeah #still one of my top seasons of D20 #but the Rat Grinders especially have so much potential that has been missed #just for a running gag about how they suck #this is not meant to be hate btw! just constructive criticism of the show #I feel like the moment it all started missing for me was when Kristin signed up to be president #that whole scene just reeks of missed potential #Riz’ entire arc feels incomplete without it #same with Kipperlilly #and the whole mirror match thing is thrown off entirely #also Kristin being focused on the presidency means we lose out on a lot of her religion building arc #and her need to take on actual responsibility and do the “uncool shit #I love the season characters and players so much #but I can feel lighting in a bottle waiting just around the corner and I’m sad we missed it #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #d20

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not being entirely negative about AI?

05/16/2024

Just before anyone scrolls down just to vote YTA, please hear me out: I'm not an AI bro, I am a hobbyist artist, I do not use generative AI, I know that it's all mostly based off stolen work and that's obviously Bad.

That being said, I am also an IT major so I understand the technology behind it as well as the industry using it. Because of this I understand that at this point it is very, very unlikely that AI art will ever go away, I feel like the best deal out of it that actual artists can get out of it is a compromise on what is and isn't allowed to be used for machine learning. I would love to be proven wrong though and I'm still hoping the lawsuits against Open AI and others will set a precedent for favouring artists over the technology.

Now, to the meat of this ask: I was talking in a discord sever with my other artist friends some of which are actually professionals (all around same age as me) and the topic of discussion was just how much AI art sucks, mostly concerning the fact that another artist we like (but don't know personally) had their works stolen and used in AI. The conversation then developed into talking about how hard it is to get a job in the industry where we live and how AI is now going to make that even worse. That's when I said something along the lines of: "In an ideal world, artists would get paid for all the works of theirs that are in AI learning databases so they can have easy passive income and not have to worry about getting jobs at shitty companies that wouldn't appreciate them anyway." To me that seemed like a pretty sensible take. I mean, if could just get free money every month for (consensually) putting a few dozens of my pieces in some database one time, I honestly would probably leave IT and just focus on art full time since that's always been my passion whereas programming is more of a "I'm good at it but not that excited about doing it, but it pays well so whatever".

My friends on the other hand did not share the sentiment, saying that in an ideal world AI art would be outlawed and the companies hiring them would not be shitty. I did agree about the companies being less shitty, but disagreed about AI being outlawed. I said that the major issue with AI are the copyright concerns so if tech companies were just forced to get artist's full permission to using their work first as well as providing monetary compensation there really wouldn't be anything wrong with using the technology (when concerning stylized AI art, not deepfakes or realistic AI images as those have a completely different slew of moral issues).

This really pissed a few of them off and they accused me of defending AI art. I had to explain to them that I wasn't defending AI art as it was NOW, because I know that the way it works NOW is very harmful, I was just saying that as an IDEAL scenario, not even something I think is particularly realistic, but something I think would be cool if it were actually possible. The rest of the argument was honestly just spinning in circles with me trying to explain the same points and them being outraged at the fact that I'm not 100% wholeheartedly bashing even the mere concept of AI until I just got frustrated and left the conversation.

It's been about a week and I haven't spoken to the friends I had that argument with since then. I still interact on the server and I see them interacting there too but we just kinda avoid each other. It's making me rethink the whole situation and wonder if I really was in the wrong for saying that and if I should just apologize.

#aita #am i the asshole

[running-in-the-dark]

it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -

I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.

some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).

my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.

we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.

on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).

also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.

I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).

when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.

but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).

#long rambly post sorry #I miss talking about the random uninteresting shit that happens in my life on here all the time #I've got data on my phone again now at least so that's good. but the phone signal is still awful indoors so it's not that useful #but anyway.... logically I know I'm doing an okay job with unpacking and everything but it doesn't feel like it #also I'm probably gonna have to try to find at least a part time job pretty soon and I'm really really really scared. terrified. #not just of trying to find something and interviews and all that #but that I won't be able to handle it. physically and mentally. again. #I've only had one full time job (an apprenticeship actually) and I lasted 3 months. #and at my part time job I only lasted a month #like. I can barely get anything done in a day as it is. I have so little energy. everything is so fucking hard and exhausting #I truly don't understand how everyone does it. I don't understand how it's possible. #but if I don't find something we won't have money for food next month sooooo it is sort of kind of important #it sucks so fucking much. I can't stand or walk for long periods of time. can't do too much with my hands. I'm not good at dealing with #people/customers. I panic and can't think when I get nervous (which is most of the time). I can't remember shit. #so like. what job am I supposed to do??? everything hurts all the time already and I'm always tired and I'm barely keeping it together #fuuuuck this #😭 #personal