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residentlesbrarian · 3 years

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The Second Book I Read In the Dark: Another YA superhero novel for me to squeal over forever...YES, Please! Gimme Gimme!

Dreadnought by April Daniels

So Day 1 in the dark continues onward and I have already finished 1 of my 3 library books with still so much day left so what else to do but soldier forward and continue without pause. Well there was a short pause for delicious chicken soup cooked on a blessedly gas powered range (never gonna live in a house with an electric range; I swear this thing has saved our butts in so many power outages), but I digress; I was ready! This time I was taking a break from the whimsical and witchy and diving head first into all things super with an extra heroic twist.

I had heard so many good things about this book for so long but again it had fallen to the wayside of other distractions (a rainbow montage of movie and TV show gays runs back and forth through my head like the migrating fandom flamingoes). What finally made me make the decision to buckle down and do the thing was a video review done by one of my favorite YouTubers, Dominic Noble (Video Linked below). I love his series Lost in Adaptation, because as an avid reader I too find myself appalled by what Hollywood often does to my favorite books. Hearing him talk about Dreadnought was just the push my flighty brain needed to say, “Fine! Alright! We haven’t utterly obsessed over a teenage superhero book in like 6 months since we near bludgeoned our girlfriend with Not Your Sidekick! Fine! Let’s do it!” So...yeah if this intro is anything to go by this should be a fun one! Let’s dive right in shall we!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: She just wanted to paint her toenails in peace but then a superhero had to go and die and give Danny the one thing she never thought she’d have...her proper body. Now if only everyone else felt that way too. Life just got awesome and really really complicated all at once! Oh yeah and she can fly now. Bonus!

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review:

Holy crap! After the last book this was exactly what I needed! This book was just...so good! The plot...the characters...the world...everything about it just pulls you in and doesn’t let you go. Now I may have felt that way because I didn’t have anything trying to pull me away from this book but I don’t think I would have been easily pulled away if there had been distractions. And so many facets of this story were things I didn’t expect because I had never seen them portrayed before. Like the fact Danny having to deal with the rampant day to day sexism of being a woman now that her appearance matches who she really is. I’ve never seen that in a book before and I absolutely loved it! I was so dedicated to Danny’s story from page 1 it’s ridiculous, and look at that, a perfect segue into the phenomenal characters of this book...look what I did there switching it up going out of order on ya...gotta keep ya on your toes.

Our protagonist Danny is such a phenomenal example of a genuine kind caring person who is also deeply scarred and angry. It was so amazing to read a character that was flawed and struggling and doesn’t see how much a hero she really is and the small moments when others take that double take and go, “You’re the real deal, huh?” But those moments just confuse the living hell outta Danny cause she’s just Danny, she got super powers as a fluke. She is also hilarious and courageous and smart but knows she isn’t perfect and has weaknesses. She may be the strongest person on earth physically now but she acknowledges that that isn’t everything someone needs. Danny is such a good bean, but she has issues and that isn’t glossed over which is so rare. Now the next thing I want to touch on is a very tough subject but is very prevalent in the book so I wouldn’t be a very prudent reviewer if I didn’t bring it up. Danny is, without question, an abused child. This isn’t even really a spoiler, it alludes pretty heavily to it in the blurb, but what I’m gonna touch on next does dip into that territory so I’m gonna break it into a new LONG paragraph so just scroll on by if you don’t want to read this bit.

So at one point in the book Danny mentions a health screening at school that revealed she had hearing damage in her right ear that has now been healed by the mantle of Dreadnought. At the time of the screening she didn’t realize why until her dad had another Mount Vesuvius day and she assumed her usual position of curling in on herself and turning her head to the left so he would yell into only her right ear. Now how loud and how often do you have to yell into someone’s ear to cause permanent hearing damage? I don’t know and honestly I don’t want to know. Why am I highlighting an overall tiny moment...because for me this moment jumped out and gut punched me. Brought literal tears to my eyes. Tears of pain. Tears of rage. Tears of hate. I’m a weepy bitch when I get emotional. I’ve read a lot of books that try and portray abuse and how Daniels wrote Danny’s abuse from her father took my breath away because it felt so real. There weren’t really any good days, there were bad days, there were really bad days, but most days were just anxiously waiting for the next bad day, because Danny knew there would always be a next bad day. Something that did surprise me was my feelings about Danny’s mother. I knew going in I would hate her father, before even meeting him I hated him, but her mother, that was a hate that lay dormant until it exploded onto the scene and froze me to my core. I’m not gonna get into my own demons here but there is one thing I cannot abide by and that is people turning a blind eye while someone abuses another. Danny’s mother is the textbook definition of someone who “goes along to get along”, she will do just about anything to keep the peace, but at what cost? Instead of protecting her child from someone who literally screamed so long and so loud at her child that it damaged her hearing she just sat back and let them. That’s not the worst though, no, after Danny’s transition her mom seems to be understanding of the fact she is happy being a girl and is buying her things she needs like bras and undeniably feminine shoes, only to reveal it was all to keep Danny docile so she wouldn’t cause more fights with her dad. That to me is unforgivable. Not worse than the abuse of the father, but still undeniably selfish. She never cared about Danny or listened to her and what she was really saying. She just didn’t want there to be anymore fighting. Well I’m sorry, but sometimes, as a mother, you should fight to protect your goddamn child when someone is hurting them. The last thing I’ll say before going back to the more spoiler free and fun part of the review is that the fact Danny can never make herself say she is being abused hits so close to home for me. As a reader looking in from outside, there was a scene with a member of the Legion that I felt like, as an abuse survivor myself, I was standing there begging Danny to accept her invitation. To get out of that house. To get away from her father. To see what he was doing for what it was. But I knew she wouldn’t, she wasn’t ready, and it broke my heart to watch her fly away.

Anyway moving on from all that heavy stuff lets talk about other things like some freaking superheroes and one particular vigilante. We have the Legion members: Doc Impossible, Valkyrja, Magma, Graywytch, Chlorophyll, and Carapice. Now How do I want to talk about these characters...in what order...hmmm...how about from best to worst. Okay? Okay. Great!

I freaking love Doc Impossible! She is a character that from the moment I met her she gave me ‘kookie grandma’ character vibes and I get DOWN with kookie grandma characters. Now I know she isn’t a grandma character nor is she particularly crazy in the way she acts; it's just a vibe I get from her that I love. Now one thing I do want to say without spoiling anything is how Doc is one of the few characters that never tries to take away Danny’s agency in everything that happens around her in all this superhero craziness. Danny can always be her own person and most importantly a kid around Doc, and I feel Danny really needed that. I will stop myself now because I could go on for hours about Doc and how much I LOVE HER!

Next up we get a two for one, Valkyrja and Magma. We don’t see much of them but what we do get is pretty good. They are adult superheroes who have their own priorities surrounding what is going on with Danny, but aren’t mean or cruel and seem to genuinely care about Danny. Valkyrja is funny and surprisingly down to earth even though she is basically a scandinavian goddess of sorts. Also the hilarity of her being Danny’s long time celebrity crush never gets old. Oh Danny, you useless little lesbian. Magma is a precious big hot boy that seems like he’d give good hugs. Yeah, that's about all I got to say about him that won’t spoil anything.

Now we have another two for one with Chlorophyll and Carapice. These two I'm between dislike and indifferent on. They weren’t outright mean to Danny but they treated her more like a means to an end or down right refused to acknowledge she was the new Dreadnought whether they liked it or not, but we didn’t really get to see them enough to really learn more about their motivations.

Finally to round out the Legion we have Graywytch. Excuse me while I get this out. *Exaggerated throat clear.* First of all, Imma slap that stupid robe of ya stupid head. Then Imma stab you with your stupid fancy atheme you like to wave around all the time. And don’t even start on your “Typical male, always resorting to violence” shtick, cause guess what, I’m a ciswoman and I still wanna stomp a mudhole in your ass. And for that...Imma slap your dumb bird too. *Deep breath in. Looooooong exhale.* Sorry about that. Mama had to express some rage. I have never had a hate-sink character that made me feel the fiery flames of rage quite like Graywytch...obviously. Her treatment of Danny had me gripping the book tightly and growling about slapping birds and “shanking bitches” more than I should probably admit. She is one of those characters that I love how much I hate her. She served the exact purpose she was meant to and it was never cast in a light that she may be right in her treatment of Danny, we are always aware that her mindset is ridiculous. Like the fact outside of her parents Graywytch is the only character to blatantly deadname and misgender Danny. To go off on a small tangent here I may relate too much here because I have a younger brother who is trans (don’t worry he is fine with me discussing it in reviews and such) and I went to a graduation party when my best friend graduated medical school and he was out to the family but not extended friends yet. After only referring to him by the proper pronouns for so long at home hearing the wrong ones caused legitimate eye blinking record scratch cognitive dissonance for me. I had the same feeling anytime Graywytch opened her stupid mouth and blatantly misgendered Danny. Because the way this is written Danny is Danny, she is exactly who she is meant to be. Suck it Graywytch!

Okay, I know you probably want to hear about the plot I know, but we have one more character we have to talk about and that is Calamity, the rootin’-ist tootin’-ist vigilante that ever did come through these here parts. Sorry, I have to talk like this now, it’s part of the persona, you have to commit to the persona. But real talk, I absolutely love Calamity as a look into “graycapes” and the real dive into the world of superheroes beyond the big heroes. We get to see how someone who doesn’t have the backing of the Legion goes about helping people, the little people, those that maybe the Legion way up in their tower can’t see from so high up in the clouds. And y’all know me, I love a morally gray vigilante with a heart of gold. She had me at “You wanna go capin’?”

Now obviously I couldn’t get enough of the characters but the plot was pretty darn good too. It was so intricately woven in with Danny and her inheriting the mantle from the previous Dreadnought that she had no choice but to be an integral part of it. Now I obviously don’t have as much to say about the plot as I did the characters but know if you come for the plot you won’t be disappointed. It kept me guessing and threw me for an absolute curve ball at the end that I did not see coming! You won’t be disappointed.

So final thoughts...there isn’t much more I can say without going on an hours long squeal fest about how much I freaking loved this book and the characters and the intricacies of how Danny’s powers work and how she was written and how she interacts with different characters and just everything that would mean massive untakebackable spoilers! So I will end on this note; Danny is a character that it would have been easy to lean into the superhero aspect and let the reader forget that she was trans, but April Daniels didn’t want that. Danny was gifted the easiest transition in the history of the world. What takes most people years of HRT and surgeries and therapy Danny did in the passing of a mantle, but it never took away the fact she is and always will be trans. It was a unique reading experience that I have only been blessed with once before but that’s a story for a different review on a different day.

Queer Wrap-up: I would give my left kidney (that’s my good one btw) to give this book five unicorns, but alas I cannot, a one off conversation in an elevator hinting that a certain improbable doctor may have a one sided thing for a particular sadly straight scandinanvian god being is just not enough to count as additional rep. As much as I love this book, and I love it A LOT! We only have Danny as our queer rep and she is fantastic rep and our protagonist so a 4 unicorn rating was a no brainer on this one. Danny is the kind of trans rep I want to see more of in the world of books, YA and otherwise. Being a trans lesbian is a huge part of her character but she gets to do so much more than that in the breath of the story and that’s what I look for in great representation, so Danny easily earned these 4 unicorns on her own merit just being her amazing self.

Links:

Goodreads

Dominc Noble’s Review

Alright so...this one got long. Ah hell, I ain't gonna apologize for it! This is a damn good book and I wanted to get my fangirl squeal on y’all.

Oh no, I think I’ve been thinking about Calamity too much I slipped into the persona without meaning to! This book was just far too much fun to read to the point I started reading it out loud with a full cast of voices (hint: the Calamity parts were my favorite) because it flowed so well and was genuinely so funny at parts and heart wrenchingly sad in others and so action packed the next moment. I finished this book in less than a day and if I had been more present and not under a pile of blankets and wearing a headlamp I might have thought to keep a timer to tell you the exact number of hours it took me, but alas know it didn’t take me many.

So the adventures reading in the dark continue on to the next review after this one but as always if you want to read this but don’t want to spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

#Dreadnought #april daniels #nemesis book 1 #resident lesbrarian #4 unicorns #mtf transgender lesbian #ya novel #ya science fiction #go to you local library #but wear a mask #and wash your hands #and stay 6 feet apart #be safe guys gals and nonbinary pals

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makeste · 5 years

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BnHA Chapter 214: 4th Popularity Poll and 5th Set Climax

Previously on BnHA: Deku met a Hellboy-looking dude in another one of his One For All Dreams and they had a chat! This friendly yet intimidating fella told Deku that the power that had just exploded out of him was actually the dude’s quirk, Blackwhip. It turns out that OFA hasn’t just been stockpiling physical power; all six of the prior wielder’s quirks are included in the package as well! It’s just that up until now, none of the other wielders has ever been able to access them. Before vanishing back into the dream abyss, Deku’s new friend told him he needed to gain better control of his emotions, as his anger toward Monoma was what triggered Blackwhip’s rampage and made it so difficult to handle. Back in the real world, Deku awakened unharmed thanks to Ochako and Shinsou’s efforts. But since the teachers hadn’t called off the battle yet, Monoma came rushing in to attack, with the rest of Team B not being far behind. Mina and Mineta showed up to battle Yanagi, Shouda, and Kodai (they really need to do something about that number disadvantage), while Ochako battled Monoma and Shinsou got ready to take on Deku. The teachers are still watching btw, but it seems like they want to see how this plays out.

Today on BnHA: The newest popularity poll results are revealed and I have a lot of thoughts. A lot of thoughts. Vlad and All Might question why Aizawa wants to let the kids keep fighting, and Aizawa says it’s cuz they’re all still trying their hardest to win. Mineta saves Mina’s life and then completely ruins it because of course he does, but she takes it in stride and uses him to attack the others by flinging him at high speed to ricochet endlessly off of his grapes in a Gran Torino-esque fashion. Monoma tries to attack Deku with One for All but it doesn’t do anything (fortunately for Monoma), and Ochako then takes him down while Deku goes after Shinsou. Deku by the way is fighting quirkless because he’s worried that if he tries to use OFA right now he’ll lose control and put everyone in danger again. He and Shinsou start tusslin’ and we have a flashback to when Ponytail!Aizawa (omg) was training Shinsou on how to use his capture weapon. Back in the present, Shinsou uses the scarf to send a bunch of heavy pipes crashing down towards Deku. But Deku chooses this moment to make peace with himself and his quirk, and catches the pipes using Blackwhip.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my mostly-unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’m caught up with the manga now at chapter 225, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

how are BnHA’s Jump covers always so epic you guys

Shinsou you better watch out, Deku’s fist is too close for comfort. well you’re the one who wanted to fight him again buddy

all right now let’s check out that character poll

oh, nice

BUT WHERE ARE MY POLL RESULTS. HOLD ON A SECOND, I’M GOING TO THE WIKI TO INVESTIGATE

...okay so apparently the results were actually in chapter 207? but the color spread wasn’t released until this chapter wtf why

okay well let me analyze the color page first, and then I’ll go find and complain about the poll results

BAKUGOU AND DEKU’S SWORDS. okay I’ve seen this image before and I love it so much, and that is of course because it’s a sequel to the color page from chapter 120. and the two of them are now each carrying one half of All Might’s sword. basically this is symbolic confirmation that the two of them together will carry All Might’s legacy forward. this is so important to me you guys. this brings me so much joy and happiness

can we talk about what Hawks is wearing. I thought this was a medieval AU, but he’s looking rather steampunk to me. what, are you too cool for D&D, Hawks? also is that a literal hawk. that you’re holding. for some reason. huh

can we talk about what Todoroki is wearing?? and also what the actual hell is going on with his face? he’s wearing some sort of weird mask. and his outfit looks nothing like it did in the previous AU color spread. was Horikoshi just being extra or is this some indicator of a crazy plotline coming up for him somewhere down the road?

I notice my boy Aizawa is missing from the top ten, which is AN ACTUAL CRIME THAT SHOULD BE REPORTED TO THE POLICE, but! on the other hand! BEST FUCKING JEANIST OH MY GOD. WELCOME BACK BEAUTIFUL PRINCE. PLEASE HEAL UP SOON

loooooool Endeavor being in the top ten must have pissed off lord knows how many people. it would have pissed me off, before the Endeavorhawks arc. but I’m cool with it now. I get it. having him as your favorite doesn’t mean you’re giving a ringing endorsement of all his actions; it just means he’s a compelling character who’s been getting some really good development lately. still absurd that he’d be ranked over Aizawa, but if I’m honest with myself it really should be Jeanist who was bumped down for that. he’s just there because Japan apparently shares the same weird tastes as myself. by the way how fucking strange is it to see Jeanist without any Jeans holy shit is that even allowed

and winding down here, (1) I’m glad to see All Might still in the top ten ranks at least, (2) Iida is a handsome boy and I love how his armor is reminiscent of his Ingenium costume here, and that he’s the one actually riding the dragon (be careful Iida or my idiot son is going to fall right off its head), (3) Kirishima is still as popular as ever I see, and lastly (4) Momo being in the top 10 is giving me life and I hope she gets some more spotlight this year! it was great to see her as the head of her respective Joint Training battle team

okay! so now let me find the list from chapter 207

holy shit, okay so first of all let me just say that apparently this poll received almost 81,000 votes. for comparison, the third poll only received about 36,000

so having said that, it is absolutely astounding that my boy Bakugou came in at number one yet again, with a margin of over 1000 votes. glad to see you being appreciated boyo

and Shouto made it to #2 for the first time! good job hot and cold! the Endeavorhawks arc definitely gave him a boost as well I think. and well deserved!

and my boy Deku at #3, but while the difference between Katsuki and Shouto is only about 1200 votes, the difference between Shouto and Izuku is more than 7,400. basically the top two are in a league of their own here goddamn

and Hawks is all the way at #4! holy shit! more than 4,500 votes between him and Deku, mind, and Kirishima is nipping at his heels less than 200 votes away from him, but still, that’s amazing given how recently he made his debut and how relatively few chapters he’s been in. I expect the number of votes for him to skyrocket in the next poll, assuming we get more of that double agent storyline. Touya -- I mean Dabi -- is probably gonna get a boost too lol

my boy Finest Jeanist on God’s Green Earth is next at 6th, and then MOMO IN 7TH PLACE YAAAAAY GO MOMO

and Endeavor made it to 8th! HOLY SHIT ENDEAVOR YOU FINALLY BEAT ALL MIGHT IN THE APPROVAL RATINGS. THESE TRULY ARE MAD DAYS

Iida beat All Might as well and made it to #9! though only by 100 votes

and All Might is in 10th, and then Aizawa is at 11th. oh Aizawa. you were upstaged by a crotchety old man seeking to make amends for his past sins, and a denim-clad meme who nearly made the ultimate sacrifice against AFO and then proceeded to not be in the manga for 120 chapters and counting. but it’s okay you were never in this for the fame

anyways the rest of the results are listed here, but some quick parting remarks:

Gang Orca came in at 15th, presumably thanks to his EXTRA GUIDANCE

my boy Denki is in 16th place and I want him to keep moving up! go kick Shindou’s ass. how the hell did that tool make it all the way to 14th place

Ojiro is still inexplicably popular to me. he’s a nice guy but you could replace him with a cardboard cutout of himself probably and I bet you it would take some time before anyone noticed something was off

Jirou is at 21st despite her performance in the Band AU arc and that is fucked up, people. WHERE IS THE RESPECT

Shinsou somehow went down despite finally making his reappearance in the series?? I seriously don’t understand how popularity works, at all

Overhaul beat Mirio by 3 votes and while I’m so psyched Mirio did better than the last poll (up to 26th place! these 455 people have impeccable taste), this fact is utterly depressing to me. did these people actually read the arc, for real

NIGHTEYE IS AT 27TH AND I’M SO SAD. not about him being at 27th, because that’s actually pretty good. but just, you know. because once again I am reminded that he’s dead sob

lastly, in the American popularity poll Bakugou received 38,000 fucking votes holy shit. we may not have any fucking clue how to vote for presidents but at least we fucking got something right, goddamn. and Mirio in 9th place. and Aizawa in 6th. you guys are all right, US fandom

anyways that took like 25 years and if I’d known it was going to be this long I would have saved the poll to be its own damn recap lol. but now on to the actual chapter!

lol so Vlad is like ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, YOU DON’T WANT TO STOP THEM??

Vlad this is just how we do things around here. not all of us can be ~safe~ teachers whose students don’t get attacked and abducted every Wednesday afternoon. some of us like to live on the edge and be super irresponsible because we’re lazy and also because the students will honestly manage to get into trouble regardless of whether we do our jobs or not

and anyways Aizawa says that if Deku’s quirk acts up again he’ll stop it so it’ll be fine

and All Might’s asking Aizawa why

well it’s obviously because he wants to give Shinsou a chance to complete his examination. and maybe he wants to see how the kids deal with this unexpected twist as well. so long as nobody gets hurt, why not

oh my god Aizawa

this man is fighting to reclaim that top 10 spot. never give up. never surrender

so we’re cutting to panels of all 9 battlin’ kids, and he says all of them are still trying to win this battle

because fucking plus ultra, in other words

sob I should be more indignant shouldn’t I. has this school actually made me come around to their way of thinking

nah, it’s only because everything is clearly fine now. had this scene taken place even 90 seconds earlier I would have been all “WHAT ARE YOU DOING, OF COURSE YOU SHOULD STOP THEM”

lol what

he just shows his affection in some very strange ways tbh

anyway so here we go! back to the kiddos! Deku and Shinsou are each holding onto Shinsou’s scarf and staring each other down!

and now Shinsou has GONE FISHIN’

this is beyond hilarious to me. oh my god. Deku you could just let go

but I guess he thought he could out-muscle him. like if anything, he’d be the one pulling Shinsou down to where he is. but instead he’s falling off of the platform where he and Ochako were standing

and Ochako’s running over and she’s all “Deku lost...?! in a power struggle?!”

that makes it sound like Game of Thrones lmao

Deku’s glancing back up at her and says he can’t use his quirk right now because he’s worried about putting everyone in danger again

yeah, that’s probably a good call. at least until you get a handle on your emotions. even ol’ Hellboy was all “much as I love my awesome fucking quirk, it’s been powered up to here and back now so results may vary”

Ochako says that in that case they should retreat and regroup

lol how are you going to fucking retreat. this has already turned into a melee battle, they’ll just follow you

and Deku says that if they retreat now, they’ll lose

ah, good point

this is their chance to capture him, when he’s exposed and his quirk which relies heavily on stealth and surprise has been neutralized

Ochako’s jogging over to him

oh my god

IT’S THE BATTLE HE’S BEEN PREPARING FOR HIS ENTIRE LIFE

oh to see Katsuki’s reaction to this. sigh

oh. but Deku is dotting and he says “not exactly”

what are you up to you mysterious little chia pet

meanwhile ASHIDO MINA IS BEING A TOTAL BADASS AND I’M HERE FOR IT

THIS ACID MAY STING! A BIT!!

(ETA: you know, I made fun at the time, but given all the other shit we’ve seen today, I have to give her credit for at least warning her opponents before attempting to maim them.)

and class B is just doing the same damn thing as before

I’m surprised they’re not trying to go on offense. mind you, it shows that they have a lot of respect for Mina’s offense and they don’t feel like getting pummeled by acid this fine afternoon, which is understandable

oh shit but here we go

MINA YOU BETTER DODGE THAT SHIT, SHOUDA’S QUIRK HAS A LOT OF POTENTIAL TO BE RIDICULOUSLY BROKEN IF HE USES IT RIGHT

...holy shit

QUICK, LET’S ENJOY THIS BEFORE HE SOMEHOW RUINS IT. WHY CAN’T WE LIVE IN THE ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE HORIKOSHI GAVE US A LOVABLE, FUNNY, AND COOL MINETA AND NOT THE HOT GARBAGE PERV THAT WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH INSTEAD

good job Mineta. how many panels before you say something stupid to enrage us all again

oh shit I scrolled down to the rest of the page and SO FAR SO GOOD?! wow this is like a record

Mineta did something smart and creative and swooped in to save a teammate and didn’t say or do anything perverted to ruin it?? better get me an umbrella cuz I suspect the other shoe will be dropping shortly

(ETA: 3... 2...)

aaaaaaaaaaaand the very first panel on the next page is him being smacked into Mina’s chest as a result of the twin impact, apparently just as planned

well so much for that. he made it a whole five panels though

hey, imagine if Horikoshi had written that scene and then not thrown in that last part in for absolutely no reason. imagine if Mineta was like that all the time. underestimated and mostly overlooked because of his mascot-like appearance and oddball quirk, but impressing us all with surprisingly clutch saves at crucial moments. kind of like the little niche that Aoyama has established for himself. it honestly wouldn’t be that hard to make Mineta an interesting and actually funny character, and the fact that we’re going on five years of the same old shit instead is kinda disheartening

anyways, enough mourning what could have been, I guess. in the meantime Mina is grabbing him and hurling him lmao

and he’s bouncing around like a ping pong ball and class B is trying to avoid getting hit by him

oh my god. he is the special attack

ain’t nobody wanna get hit by that. that’s a smart move

Shouda says he wants to pull back, but they’re kind of surrounded now and it’s hard to come up with a plan in the spur of the moment

all credit to Mina’s astounding creative mind, which has fucking flourished in these last couple of arcs and I hope it continues to do so. she is brilliant

Tsuburaba says Shouda is having to protect the other two because they’re weak at close-range combat? say what now?? how is a telekinesis quirk weak at close-range combat, exactly?? just float some metal shit into the air and wait for Mineta to inevitably ricochet into it and concuss himself and just like that you’re free to take on Mina three against one. even someone as awesome as her would struggle with that

meanwhile, Jirou is wondering why the hell the teachers haven’t stopped the battle yet

and here’s the first we’ve seen of Katsuki since The Thing happened, so yeah you bet I’m posting that shit

he looks openly confused, and not in his normal “I don’t know what’s going on and that pisses me off so Imma make an angry face” way. but in a more overtly “what the fuck” way. not that dissimilar to the way he looked when he was watching All Might battle AFO, but with less panic, thankfully

it definitely says a lot about how far his relationship with Deku has come that this is his reaction, though. confusion and maybe slight concern, rather than anger or jealousy or automatically thinking this is something new Deku had up his sleeve that he was purposely hiding from him. he really has come such a long way since Ground Beta

anyway so here’s Deku and Ochako taking on Monoma

at least someone is using that TK quirk. or is that twin impact that he’s using. well either way, at least he’s doing something and not just standing there

oh look more Monoma monologuing

officially the most dramatic motherfucker who ever lived. but more importantly,

OH MY GOD HE’S GOING TO USE ONE FOR ALL LASKDFLKJSLKDJFLK DON’T DIE MONOMA

why he would attempt to use a quirk that he has seen breaking its original owner’s bones and only MOMENTS AGO causing its owner intense pain as he flailed around out of control is beyond me. he kind of snapped here and got all go big or go home, I guess

Deku I assure you it very much can

now Ochako’s telling Monoma to stop and that it’s dangerous! and she’s charging toward him!

OH MY GOD

HE WAS FUCKING BLUFFING?? HOW

AND OH MY GOD OCHAKO, I STAN YOU SO FUCKING HARD RIGHT NOW THOUGH. IS IT JUST ME OR ARE THE LADIES THE UNDISPUTED MVPS OF THIS FIGHT!? DEKU DOES SHE HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING HERSELF OR WHAT

wow what??

so he was trying to activate it but it wouldn’t work?

well (1) he’s damn lucky it didn’t, and (2) is that because Deku’s technically quirkless? or is it because the nature of OFA makes it so it can’t be copied or passed on to anyone against the owner’s will? that is really convenient if so

(ETA: or (3) he did copy the quirk but not the accumulated power stored within it. oooh I have some thoughts on that. gonna try and take some time this evening to type out that OFA essay.)

Shinsou’s trying to save his partner, but!

oh shit

he looks so caught off guard sob. Deku are you gonna punch him. please be gentle he is still new to this

once again, I submit for your consideration: your MVP

you see Monoma, this is how you take a supposed “supporting character” quirk and elevate it to its max potential

so now Deku’s tackling Shinsou and they’re tumbling onto the ground

Shinsou’s making another attempt to get Deku to talk but our boy is too smart for that shit now. fool him once, shame on you. fool him twice, shame on him. but you still haven’t managed to fool him thrice so it looks like he can be taught!

and Shinsou is again saying he’s not the same as when they last fought

ahhhhhhhh we’re cutting back to the teachers now ARE WE GONNA GET SOME SHINY MENTOR FEELS

YESSSSSSSSSSS

HOWIRHFALSKDLFJL THE PONYTAIL LIVES, MY FRIENDS

oh my god oh my god

mentor feels! All Might you’re not the only one who’s been training kids out in the woods in the wee hours of the morning!

Aizawa is self-taught holy fucking shit this man’s talent is severely underrated

THE PONYTAIL. I NEED TO MENTION IT AGAIN FOR OBVIOUS REASONS

and I don’t think I’ve rambled about this yet, but! now we’re finally getting to see why Aizawa took such a personal interest in Shinsou, and I’ve been waiting and waiting for this and I’m so happy we’re finally getting to it. he sees himself in him. they both have powerful quirks capable of incapacitating even the strongest opponents, but the catch is that those quirks are mental rather than physical. physically they are essentially quirkless, and so if they ever get caught off-guard -- or pitted against giant robot opponents, or opponents who are otherwise immune to their abilities -- they’re at a huge disadvantage

so here’s this kid who’s very much like him, and Aizawa has no obligation to reach out to him, but he does so all the same, because he cares, and if he can help this kid fulfill his dreams and not have to stumble along and make it up as he goes the way he had to, isn’t that worth doing?

Aizawa Shouta let me just once again say that it’s a war crime that you were not ranked in the top ten, and I think we need to conduct a special investigation into these poll results. I’m only seeking justice and the truth

OKAY BUT THIS IS SOME INDIRECT HIGH PRAISE FOR THE ENTIRETY OF CLASS “NOT A SINGLE ONE OF US WAS EXPELLED” 1-A THOUGH AND I CAN’T EVEN DEAL

AND THEN THE FLASHBACKS TO SHINSOU AFTER HIS FIRST BATTLE, AND BEING SO HARD ON HIMSELF. BECAUSE HE WANTS TO LIVE UP TO AIZAWA’S FAITH IN HIM. OH MY GOD I CAN’T, THIS IS SO GOOD THOUGH AND I’M EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED

so now Shinsou’s shouting again that he’s not the same as he was back then!

and he’s using his capture weapon to bring a bunch of heavy pipes crashing on top of them!

BUT NOW DEKU IS HAVING SOME MENTOR FEELS OF HIS OWN OH GOODNESS

;________; WHY DID THAT MAKE ME TEAR UP, SOMEBODY EXPLAIN

(ETA: I think because it’s a reminder that all of the past wielders of OFA are just as good and pure as All Might in their own ways, and they’ve all been working tirelessly to fight evil this whole time, and it’s like Deku doesn’t have just one mentor, but he has eight now.)

AAAAAHHHHHHHH

LOOK AT HIM USING BLACKWHIP IN THE SAME MANNER AS THE CAPTURE SCARF WEAPON, THOUGH?? DID SHINSOU INSPIRE HIM

(ETA: of course he did. this is Deku, he takes and learns from everyone. I love it.)

AND JUST LOOK AT THIS FUNKY LITTLE SUCCESSOR LIVING UP TO THE FAITH THAT’S BEEN PLACED IN HIM

oh my god. what a damn chapter. this recap is almost 4000 words and it was worth it. I love this arc

#bnha #boku no hero academia #midoriya izuku #aizawa shouta #shinsou hitoshi #uraraka ochako #monoma neito #ashida mina #shouda nirengeki #kodai yui #yanagi reiko #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #shoutout to horikoshi who passed the bechdel test again today #as much grief as I give him for the mineta stuff and for his ratio of female to male heroes and ofa wielders #I gotta give him credit where it's due #and mina and ochako are amazing in this chapter right here as well #this series can be so good about some things even if other things leave a lot to be desired #that's just life I suppose #but I do appreciate the amount of asskicking from my badass ladies #and I acknowledge that it's something that's still all too rare in shounen manga #so while things may not be perfect I'll take what I can get and give my girls their props #toga mina and ochako you guys are crushing it #more of this please

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webscene-remade · 5 years

Text

gigantic homestuck liveblog post

hello. I hope to god that tumblr’s readmore function works across platforms because otherwise this may just be the worst thing I ever inflicted on anyone’s dashboard in the history of this hellsite

warnings for my pure, unadulterated opinions (including relentless character-hate for characters that I personally do not like), spoilers for literally everything, reading the epilogues in the most asinine order possible, and the same content warnings that were given at the beginning of the epilogues themselves

general thoughts: i liked some of it, didnt like some of it. the parts that i didn't like would have been more bearable if they literally weren’t painful to read. i’m of the opinion that, while things dont have to be daisies and roses all the time, i don’t want to have a completely horrible reading experience when things aren’t daises and roses.

other complaints: part of homestuck’s appeal is its amazing cast of girls, and they were severely under-utilized. also, i had to see gamzee again.

but, like i said. i liked some of it. a lot of it, in fact. i did think it kept with the spirit of homestuck in that it made me feel every single human emotion possible.

I had a lot of Feelings while reading, and if I went into all of them here, I might as well write out some meta to flesh out the 2.5 concrete thoughts I had while reading, but I’m not going to do that. instead, i’m going to dump my several-thousand-words of live reactions here so that no one has the patience to parse out what the hell i’m talking about. because I just spent a total of 21 hours reading this and I am so incredibly braindead.

MEAT 1

Okay I’m clicking on ‘meat’ first. I’m so scared LMAO I’m not ready for this.

Gross. This is already very upsetting.

MEAT 2

Lmao WHAT

FUCK. Dave this is NOT ALLOWED.

Homestuck is very very good actually

Alright I’m going to have to stop screenshotting every single thing I find funny or else I am never going to get through this

I Love You Dave Strider

This is so fucking weird to say and I have no idea what the psychology is behind it but reading homestuck always makes me weirdly ambitious…like reading about dave doing shit like making comics and motivating karkat to run for president makes ME want to do shit.

also the biggest mystery in homestuck is that people like jake English

MEAT 3

The fridge pops open and out roll Aranea and Gamzee. Gamzee honks and his codpiece jiggles ominously. Aranea staggers to her feet, looking rather pleased with herself.

Fucking gross.

JOHN PUNCHED ARANEA

Waaaaay back in the day “aranea gets punched in the face” was on my homestuck bingo card, back when we all thought the comic was gonna end after the gigapause or whatever it was called

Also is this going to be in fic form the whole time because if so I’m going to have a hell of a time concentrating long enough to finish this in one go

You wisely decide that this clown will lend nothing valuable to the narrative whatsoever if he is allowed to remain outside of your childhood refrigerator. You put both hands on his chest and shove him into the fridge where he belongs. He goes easily, issuing only a pair of weak honks in protest. You slam the fridge shut and resolve to never think about Gamzee Makara again.

Bye bitch

I know you’re going to be back soon but still

(also I skimmed the first few pages of the candy epilogue and it looks like gamzee might have some relevance in that one too. Homophobic if true.)

MEAT 4

Oh jesus fuck I just remembered caliborn’s stop-motion Claymation thing where all the kids die. And now john’s gathering them all up. This is going to fucking SUCK isn’t it

MEAT 5

Lmao

Jake can’t help but watch the motion, raking his eyes over the muscles shifting beneath the skin of Dirk’s neck and arms.

Calm your fucking boner dude

Also dirk is ripped apparently

With a casual flick of his wrist, Dirk snaps out a bright red tranquilizer handgun and shoots Jake in the neck. Jake’s glasses crack when he hits the mat.

What the fuck

MEAT 6

You wonder. Do you see these teen versions of your friends as “real”? Are you treating them, at Rose’s behest, as simple puppets? Doing your part to insist they fill friend-shaped recesses in an essential plan to stabilize all else that can be considered important, a distinction no longer applying to them? Do you care at all about whatever fate it may be that you are sentencing these children to? Are you becoming as complicit in the fatalistic evils of Paradox Space as Lord English himself? Are you becoming a monster, John Egbert?

MEAT 7

I Love You Rose Lalonde

Also, same old Dirk, huh?

Dirk & rose conversations are some of the best but. Dirk. Dirk. He reminds me so much of myself and I constantly want to shove him into a locker.

MEAT 8

I hate how much I love caliborn. Also I am Very Afraid.

MEAT 9

The blurry, distorted face of your laughing nemesis was the last thing you saw before the chest door slammed shut and plunged you into textual obsolescence.

And here, you are now stuck. You will not emerge from this holding cell, from an outside perspective, for quadrillions of years. It is not long at all until you begin to wish you had brought something to read.

Jesus Christ

Well. At least it’s quadrillions of years “from an outside perspective.” Hopefully it won’t be THAT long for them. Maybe like, an hour?

Also john you broke your glasses. How are you supposed to read.

MEAT 10

No, surely this must have been Dave’s idea. The kind of plot hatched from their little nest of mutually supportive, codependent, interspecies... whatever it was they had going on over there.

Jane is straight-up EVIL, I guess

This what capitalism does to you, folks

Also, karkat (true leftism)

MEAT 11

This is exactly what I expected when I realized john would be overseeing a group of teens

Would you tell them about Terezi...

For some reason her name feels like nails in your heart. Makes sense, you guess, cause there’s a lot of sharp letters in it. She had sharp teeth too, and sharp elbows. Sharp words. Terezi Pyrope was a sharp girl, and maybe what these sharp feelings are trying to tell you is you miss her more than you realized.

Do NOT talk about terezi in the past tense you fucking GOON

Also if I don’t see terezi again I will fucking riot

Me like 2 years ago

MEAT 12

Asfdhkajlfh

Jade you are NOT subtle

This is oppression

Dave and karkat HAVE KISSED MULTIPLE TIMES. I will not be convinced otherwise

Jade “didn’t think Obama was a real person” Harley

Also Dave “doesn’t think Jesus was a real person” Strider

Speaking of. Where is homestuck-is-a-sin nowadays

Jade will you please chill

but also. Marry me. dave and karkat are clearly not comfy with this, but I would be very comfy with it.

MEAT 13

> Be Vriska.

Oh fuck yes

Well, that didn’t last long. Bye, vriska!

Oh fuck

God this is all so intense. I feel like I should’ve read candy first

MEAT 14

Really, the only surprise is how long it took to happen. Jane is a beautiful lady, that’s for sure. She always has been, but she’s only grown more ravishing as she’s come into the full blossom of her womanhood. Smooth, silky skin... thick, dark lashes... full, feminine lips... not to mention curves like the dickens.

This is so hard to read lmao

Jake can’t stop thinking about dirk….ouch

MEAT 15

Roooooooooose

ROSE ):

Fuck jade too

This is going pretty much as well as could be expected

Just two bros…fighting lord English…everyone dying around them…

DAVEPETA

…v…vore

Great minds

Dave ): ): ):

There was no way that wasn’t going to happen but I am. Extremely upset.

The black hole—the gaping, implacable, cosmic embodiment of the dead cherub, his long-departed sister—finally welcomes Lord English home.

Yo I’m

It’s bananas that this webcomic still manages to have a monopoly over my emotions after all these years

MEAT 16

Oh fuck

Loving the aspect talk though

Rose’s eyes have grown distant, almost mirrorlike. Dirk can see himself reflected in her vacant stare.

Oh jesus oh Christ

Oh no

FUCK OFFFF

MEAT 17

All I’m thinking about is the narration about jake watching dirk’s rippling muscles

Dirk: I heard that Dirk has an 8-pack

MEAT 18

It’s been 3 hours and I’m only on meat 18

I need a fucking drink

MEAT 19

Jade’s got this disarming combo of head-in-the-clouds flightiness and the kind of legit, down-to-earth cred that can only be earned by having done something like cutting open your own grandfather and stuffing him full of polyurethane foam.

Why is homestuck so funny

I LOVE YOU ROXY LALONDE

Fucking same

MEAT 20

What is Happening

Will these motherfuckers Please Stop trying to remove the objects that are impaled in their chest

CALLIOPE????

I am actually astounded by the amount of things I retained from homestuck even though I haven’t quite understood what’s going on for like 6 years

MEAT 21

I missed her so much

I hate this stupid fucking webcomic

Please god kick his ass kanaya

MEAT 22

Fucking owned

MEAT 23

Kanaya PLEASE kick this fools ass

MEAT 24

TEREZI

I’M GOING TO GO APE SHIT

SHE LITERALLY HASN’T SAID ANYTHING YET AND I’M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND

I’M GOING TO VOMIT

MEAT 25

…hmmmm

I’m actually almost tempted to do this?

Like I know it would make way more sense to finish reading meat first…BUT…

I’m gonna do it lmao

CANDY 1

At each fork in the veins, he supposes the leaf as a whole is making a certain kind of “decision,” to go this way or that. It certainly seems like one way of looking at a leaf, now that he bothers to really scrutinize one. It also seems to him, with just as great a sense of clarity, that not one of this leaf’s decisions ever mattered even the tiniest fucking bit to anybody.

Alright! Great start!

Hm! I don’t like this at all!!!!

Fuck gamzee lives

CANDY 2

Sensing that this is probably something he shouldn’t be seeing, he tiptoes towards Gamzee’s would-be sarcophagus as carefully and quietly as he can, and places his hands just above the thick aluminum hull. The moment John’s palms hit the fridge, Dirk turns to look at him. His head only moves an inch.

………what the fuck

OKAY SO…JOHN’S JUST GONNA…DROP GAMZEE ON EARTH C…THIS IS FINE

Oh what the FUCK is going on

I forgot how fucking headache-inducing gamzee’s quirk is

Literally this is almost impossible for me to read for some reason

She pats him on the back, nods very slowly, issues an “mm-hm” now and then. Only while he is distracted by his own sobs does she steal a glance at her phone, tipping the fact that she too wouldn’t mind if this redemptive soliloquy could hurry itself along.

I pretty much sound like a broken record at this point but. What the actual fuck.

Gamzee stans be like

John: *sends a picture of gamzee to terezi*

Me: Gamzee Is Not Allowed to Exist In The Same Narrative Space As Terezi

“HE”….

I just realized that the narrative isn’t in second person any more

I mean…I’m assuming we’re outside of ‘canon’. Like this isn’t the ‘essential’ timeline anymore, so things are…fucking wacky, to say the least

But even in the other timelines, shit isn’t this wack

And john seems to be aware of what’s going on

So like. What’s happening.

CANDY 3

At least dirk’s bitch ass is also sweating over all this

CANDY 4

Rose opens her eyes. She stares at the knob of her wrist and frowns. She’s not sure why this sensation should be concerning. It’s not like her memory is slipping away. She remembers the conversation she had with John this morning quite clearly. As she does the previous years of declining health, and troubled, obsessive thoughts about canon, dissipation, and other such abstractions. What’s slipping away instead is the feeling that any of it mattered at all.

I have. Very mixed feelings.

Like OBVIOUSLY I don’t want rose to continue to suffer existential dread but this feels like post-retcon all over again. Which is to say, everything feels off.

But. Post-retcon was, like, canon. And post-retcon (post-game over, really) is where I kinda stopped caring about homestuck as much as I had before

And perhaps that’s just me not “getting it” but. Oh well.

Fucking OUCH dawg

Rose and kanaya…damn son…….

They were my first f/f ship ever. Can you believe that? Can you believe homestuck?

CANDY 5

She retrieves one of her bras from where it’s hanging over the back of the couch. She starts changing it right there, doing that mystical sleight of hand girls seem to be born with the knowledge of, where the bra goes off and then on again without the shirt being removed.

Very unrelatable

Now THIS is relatable

Jade CHILL

I’ve always liked the idea of jadedavekat but this shit is not fun

Karkat fucking bit her afdhlfasdkfh what the fuck

Picsthatmakeyougohmm

CANDY 6

Yall are gonna think I’m evil for saying this but how on earth are there people out there who like Jake English

Okay I took a break to eat something after 5 straight hours of reading

I bet there’s people out there who have read this shit 3 times over but I take so GODDAMN LONG to read anything

And to think. I’m an English major.

Anyway back to it I fucking guess

That’s depression, babe!

I’m heterophobic now

Do I REALLY have to read another Jake-Jane makeout sesh. Do I really.

It turns out that I don’t. thank god.

But that was all still incredibly uncomfortable

CANDY 7

In the time that I was eating I managed to forget that gamzee existed. And now I am reminded. How unfortunate.

I do not often find myself agreeing with John and only John but. Here we are.

Also I am Not Down For johnroxy. Especially with how wack everything is.

Roxy DO NOT leave john alone with this literal clown

Oh fucking Christ

HELLO?? IS THIS ALLOWED???

CANDY 8

The,, hornographer,,,

There’s a third member of their social group who definitely hasn’t arrived at the conclusion that his power and influence should be meted out responsibly either. Neither of them speak his name, however. For some reason, it feels like a shadow passing over the sun. A brief spike of pain flickers through Rose’s head, a bolt that strikes between her eyes and splinters out. There is color and light behind it. A vision that tears through the material reality in front of her and gives her a brief glimpse into a parallel reality where things are very different.

Hm! Not great!

Yes, it would be very awkward

Also, don’t even fuckin g MENTION vriska unless I get to see her

Don’t think I haven’t noticed that this epilogue has been hellishly vriskaless

Like youre gonna make me see GAMZEE MAKARA?? GAMZEE??? WHERE’S VRISKA??

CANDY 9

Jade. Jade. Jade. Fucking CHILL, jade.

CANDY 10

Get you a girl who lesbian marries one of the two remaining eligible human females

Eyes emoji

He whips his head around to see... Dave? He’s running down the street, looking back and forth like a hunted man.

Dave: *is flirted with*

Dave: *books it to an entirely different time zone*

I Love You Dave Strider

Why on EARTH are you going to john Egbert for relationship advice, though

CANDY 11

Daaaaaaave ):

CANDY 12

This is the fucking worst

I hate this so much

CANDY 13

It’s obviously a robot, but it’s a complete mess. The form is feminine, but the head is still bald, and the face has no cover, revealing its skull-like interior. The body doesn’t have any proper protective plating yet, so it’s all a mess of wires and loose mechanical bits. Clearly a work in progress. But Dave can’t help but wonder what exactly it is that Dirk’s been working on here?

Then Dave notices the note. It’s carefully folded in the limp palm of the robot’s hand. His heart jumps into his throat, and something in his stomach drops.

Oh, no.

what the fuck is this fucking robot

Also did dirk fucking kill himself

CANDY 14

We’re back in the 2nd person now for dirk’s shit

What could you accomplish in a dead-end existence like this? There are no stakes. No meaningful challenges. No structures or themes—only residual chemical reactions in a dying brain, a physical system’s obligate compulsion to exhaust its own lingering momentum.

Literally me every time I realize that life isn’t a story and I’m not a character with a heroic arc

And like I get that homestuck has been thematically interested in...well…life not being a story. And I have a feeling that these epilogues are going to cement that, with all the talk of meta/canon. And I can already tell that I’m going to be disappointed with the lack of narrative resolution

Because like…life’s not a story, okay……………but homestuck is

Anyway this fucker is really about to kill himself isn’t he

Yep…jesus.

CANDY 15

Wow this feels INCREDIBLY shitty considering. That’s exactly what happened.

I am not Feeling Great my dudes

Dave’s got his suit jacket unbuttoned and pulled over Karkat’s head to shield him from the rain. Karkat’s the one talking—his caterpillar eyebrows furrowed, but his gaze soft. Whatever he’s saying makes Dave turn his face away, but Karkat winds a hand in his shirt and tugs him in, forces him to make eye contact. They both go still, seeming to finally realize how close their faces have gotten, how Karkat’s fingers are brushing down the length of Dave’s torso. Dave dips down so that their noses are bumping.

I will NOT be distracted by this cute shit

(I am distracted by this cute shit)

Thinking about how roxy said they don’t want to have kids in meat and I’m! Not feeling great about this!

Also I hate that I have to call it ‘meat’

(also the narrator refers to roxy as ‘she’ in candy and so like. Idk which one I’m supposed to use)

CANDY 16

6 month time jump. Very relieved that I don’t have to see the johnroxy wedding

Fucking. Skullface emoji.

Asdasfasljk John don’t dump on your sister like that

Straight fucking savage though I’ll give you that

John and terezi are talking about vriska I’m going to fucking vomit

This is all I’m going to get, huh? Huh????

I’m so starved

Vrisrezi is literally the most compelling part of homestuck and it’s like. So not going to be relevant at all in the epilogue, is it

CANDY 17

Did rose and kanaya literally name their kid ‘vriska’

Like they did not have to do that

John is the only one who hasn’t lost his goddamn mind

Also the idea of someone just changing their kids name a year after they were born is. Hilarious. It’s extra hilarious when you remember that the kids didn’t get a name until they were 13.

John SNAPPED

“please come make sense at me”...This is……..A Lot

CANDY 18

Jane is still dedicated to eugenics which is like. Pretty fucking awful.

You know it’s bad when GAMZEE MAKARA argues with you about morality

Fucking GROSS

Also jake is sitting right next to them akbfdabkjknsfn

Welp! Homestuck’s over, everyone!!!! The furries won!

CANDY 19

I have been reading this goddamn webcomic for 8 goddamn hours

I’m pretty sure that I’m not even halfway through

HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

This is what this epilogue has been missing…karkat-isms

Yo WHAT

I probably definitely should’ve read meat all the way through but. Oh well!

I never thought that I would be glad to see a dead teenage jade fall out of the fucking sky but at least its providing a brief reprieve to feeling of absolute dread I’ve had while reading the entire candy section

Also strange that dead teenage space jade is the one thing that DOESN’T fill me with absolute dread

CANDY 20

Karkat SNAPPED

CANDY 21

I somehow managed to forget that calliope exists

Funeral TWO

As fucking rough as dirk’s suicide was, I absolutely cannot imagine him in any of these situations

Like the only narrative choices were to kill him or to lock him away in his lab w/o a single mention of him and I gotta say the former makes more sense given his characterization

I am. Upset.

ARADIA

Aradia please save me from this nightmare

Asdfghjlkjhgf

I changed my mind I love candy

Never mind jane’s talking about eugenics again

I’m laughing???? What the fuck is happening?????

Okay alt calliope is using dead teen space jade’s body as a vessel

Should’ve put two and two together since I got close to that part in meat but I have been reading for like 9 hours and things are starting to blur together

*heavy metal music plays*

CANDY 22

3 year time jump! Alright!

Fucking same, john

Okay so the dead trolls that got consumed by the black hole are showing up on earth c, or something?

WAIT DOES THAT MEAN LORD ENGLISH IS GONNA GET PLOPPED INTO THIS TIMELINE

idk if I’m misunderstanding but……..i am……nervous

Those are my 20-something-year-old children

Cant believe karkat rose and kanaya are in antifa :’)

Actually I can absolutely believe that

I hate this

I was 100% unprepared to see Eridan fucking Ampora in the year of our lord 2019. I’m calling the fucking police

This is the worst

Oh I Do Not Like This

CANDY 23

John was serious about the whole kidnapping thing huh

Christ almighty

SILENCE, CLOWN.

Jokes aside the child abuse is like. Very vey upsetting.

But why has this human child adopted the ‘uh,,’s of Tavros’ quirk

I think I’ve said this before but homestuck is very good, actually

Hm this shit with kid tavros is making me sick to my stomach

Also I’m approaching hour 10 and I may have to take a break for sleep soon.

But. I defo have shit to do this weekend that doesn’t involve reading homestuck

We’ll see how much longer I can stay awake, I guess

Dave said this about dirk (jake also said this about dirk, in meat) and I’m. not psyched about it.

I suppose it’s possible that gamzee retained it from dirks funeral, but still

John has his breath powers back?? Passively, at least?

And where the fuck did alt calliope go

And aradia and sollux

Unfortunately I still think it is kidnapping

Especially because you’re like, 5

It’s probably, like, a bad thing that I was rooting for john’s kidnapping plan to work. But.

CANDY 24

Okay theres alt calliope aradia and sollux

I am. Compromised.

Oh fuck

It’s actually kind of insane that dirk and jane are like. Straight villains. I kinda would’ve guessed w/ jane (relation to the condesce and all that) but dirk being a villain shocked the fuck out of me. it really shouldn’t have, though, considering that dirk was capable of becoming bro.

): ): ): ):

I’m actually tearing up LMAO

I can’t tell if it’s because of how much I love terezi or if it’s because I’ve been reading this for 10 hours straight

Probably both

CANDY 25

Karkat I love you

Also this is buried deep enough in this post so I think it’s safe to say w/o anyone actually reading it: when I was 14 and reading homestuck for the first time I had a crush on karkat and used to daydream about us going on a date at the county fair

I’m sorry to anyone that had to read that with their own eyeballs

Hard labor in the cake mills

Bucket jokes are dead, folks. You heard it here first.

Oh Christ I just remembered that group of cosplayers who took a bucket into a restaurant and passed it around and spit in it. Scandal of the fucking decade.

Asdfghjk KANAYA

This is only going to make things more complicated, I imagine

KARKAT: I’M ALSO FUCKING ORDERING YOU TO STOP MAKING GARBAGE FISH PUNS FOREVER.

LMAO

Okay…on that slightly…lighter note, I think it’s time to turn in for the night. I’m at the 11th hour (literally) and I’m losing my ability to pay attention to what the fuck is going on

Plus my head hurts like a motherfucker

If I remember correctly, each epilogue has 45 parts, so I’m a bit more than halfway done

I’m setting an alarm because I’m dedicated to finishing this tomorrow

CANDY 26

Okay I got my hat on backwards and I’m ready to fucking party

Even Alternia had beauty in it. But John is sure that Earth C probably replicates it the same way it replicates everything else: thin and garish and fake, fake, fakity FAKE. A bad photocopy with the ink settings turned to high contrast. A sunrise that casts no shadows.

This is not a party

Also I’m getting flashbacks to my thesis that I wrote on the left hand of darkness which never shut the fuck up about shadows and the lack thereof

A streak of teal, smudged along the top ridge of the seat cushion, at the center of a red, bloody handprint. With wide eyes, John reaches out and runs his thumb over it. It chips under his nail, the same consistency as human blood. The same color as Terezi’s text.

He rubs the flaky crust between his fingers. He only stopped talking to her a few hours ago. Time passes differently out there, as he’s often reminded. She was so sure she was dying. Was this it? Was this how she —

John reels back, nausea striking him in the pit of his stomach. What kind of twisted coincidence is this? Why is he finding this now? If Terezi was here, why? Who was she bleeding with in the back of his father’s car?

I’m guessing john was bleeding with terezi in the back of his father’s car?

I mean when I left off with meat terezi had just shown up to find john impaled in the chest with one of LE’s teeth

But I’m like. SUPER not psyched to learn what happened to terezi

A choked sob forces its way out of his chest. His fingers flex into claws, gathering up dirt into his shaking fists. He bears down until his knuckles turn white and his fingernails press sharply into the flesh of his palms. The pain makes him feel real.

All he’s ever wanted is to be fucking real.

Maybe it’s because this is the first thing I’m reading this morning but I absolutely cannot take this seriously

CANDY 27

Ten year time skip. Jesus.

So everyones in their late 30s, now

I’m love them?

Also things are super not great on earth c, huh

Like imagine being jane crocker & playing a game where all your friends die a bunch & then showing up to an idyllic planet and being like ‘you know what this world needs more of? Fascism and eugenics.’

Also didn’t jane’s dad make it onto earth c??? where is THAT motherfucker??

I’m glad that sollux and aradia are still like. Chillin.

Karkat sure does know how to sweet-talk people

Also karkat still misses dave ):

And dave still misses karkat ):

This is so fucking rough

CANDY 28

VRISKA???

Yeah this is the vriska that got punted by LE after releasing the juju

She is taking things as well as I would imagine vriska to take things

CANDY 29

These chapters are getting shorter. Maybe I’ll actually finish this today

…lord English?

CANDY 30

Okay, so jane’s dad was on earth c, and now he’s dead

Jesus Christ

I shouldn’t be laughing but adjsgklfgfs

Leave it to karkat to try to assassinate someone with a fucking rocket launcher

Also leave it to dad to jump in front of a FUCKING ROCKET LAUNCHER

I cant believe gamzee fucking Makara is still here. I was hoping that had all been a nightmare

Yikes! Yikes! Yikes! Yikes!

Asdfghjkjhgfdsdfghjkjhgfdsdfghjkljhgfrvghkhgf

I-

I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming

BEGONE, CLOWN

CANDY 31

I missed their interactions

John is so fucking funny sometimes

I’m laughimg so fucking hard

Also I’m going to keep calling her vriska and calling rose and kanaya’s child ‘kid vriska.’ Otherwise I will get incredibly confused between this vriska and actual (vriska)

Vriska I love you

Also I like how john straight up hates kid vriska

God she’s so intolerable. I love her.

Also vriska and dirk are so similar but I love vriska and can’t stand dirk

am I a misandrist

(I know it’s probably their differences; vriska is dedicated to being a hero and not a author/villain(?) and still, like, values people, even if it is in her own fucked up way. Also she’s like a billion times more critical of herself than dirk is)

oh god theyre talking about terezi

yeah that didn’t go anywhere I wanted it to

CANDY 32

fukcing. Gamzee.

Please god vriska beat this clowns ass

“brutal Double Axe Handle” “European-style Uppercut” “knife chop” “Discus Back Elbow”

Am I supposed to know what any of this means

I like how john is just watching this happen

Gamzee grabs (Vriska)’s foot by the bridge. Instead of yanking her off-balance, he opens his huge, bloody maw of a mouth and... runs his tongue along the rubber bottom of her shoe? (Vriska) freezes. She watches him lap the mud—and his own blood—out from between the grooves of the sole. His lips drag lewdly over the ridge of her footwear and begin sucking at where her big toe would be, if it were not safely ensconced in several layers of rubber and canvas.

Fucking GROSS

I hate this clown so goddamn much

This is the absolute Worst Outcome

Like I cannot imagine a more upsetting scenario than gamzee and vriska making out in canon

Dirk’s suicide would be a fucking palate cleanser at this point

That was a bad joke to make but that’s what homestuck does to you I fucking guess

CANDY 33

*I* don’t even remember the three pillars of canon

And I read that shit literally yesterday

I, unfortunately, have no idea what this means

Well. At least rose is happy. For the first time in the entirety of homestuck.

CANDY 34

“immoderately lit”

I’m going to say that all the time now. Thanks.

Vriska’s huge, mischievous smile freezes on her face. When her eyes pass the image to her brain, and it finally makes sense of this incomprehensible jumble of gray limbs, blue and purple slop, tangled black hair, and stunned faces, her expression begins to slowly melt. It then drifts quickly, from phase to phase, to one of wonder, then anguish, and finally, abject horror.

This is so fucking unfortunate

CANDY 35

At least all the vriskas are on the same page about this being the nightmare scenario. At least theres that.

Gamzee calling vriska “problematic.” I’m laughing really hard but I’m also like. Enraged.

And then, she lets go. His face is frozen in a repellent mask exhibiting the perfectly undetectable difference between terror and ecstasy. He’s dead.

I hope to GOD this is true but I’ve been tricked before

I don’t know if I will ever be truly free of gamzee fucking Makara

CANDY 36

Jake and his kid showed up to johns house and jake is wearing nothing but underwear

At this point this is one of the least strange things to happen

All the same, John finds it hard to feel much sympathy. Who is Jake? The one standing in front of him now, anyway. Has he always been this contemptibly pathetic, or is this too a function of the absurdity of this contorted reality? It’s hard to be sure. Are Jake’s “struggles” worth any more of John’s guilt and emotional energy than a Sim stuck in a pool without a ladder?

Jesus Christ. John did not come to play today. Fuck.

Also I feel incredibly bad for jake. I’ve never liked him but I’m not, like, a monster.

Or maybe he is doing exactly what Jake has always done. In a certain light, isn’t ascribing all this mess to some unconscious influence he might have had over the metaphysical shape of reality just a way to brush off his simpler failures as a man and a father?

God why is homestuck kicking my ass so bad

John constantly misses his dad and all I can think about is how often his dad told him that he was proud of him. And now john thinks he’s failed as a father.

John and jake are. Dancing.

I absolutely have not forgotten that jake is still in his underwear

CANDY 37

I’m living for this conversation between vriska and kid-vriska

Man I bet dirk hates john’s guts LOL

Like I imagine john’s retcon powers infuriate him

Though I bet dirk wouldn’t want the retcon powers for himself. It might take away the “challenge” of it. Idk.

Jesus Christ

How the turntables….

I Am Going To Vomit

Vrisrezi is so fucking legendary. No one can ever change my mind.

I also I just ate a ham and cheese sandwich and it was really fucking gross. Legit cant tell if I’m nauseous about that or vrisrezi

[CHANTING] VRISKA AND TEREZI ARE IN LOVE! VRISKA AND TEREZI ARE IN LOVE! VRISKA AND TEREZI ARE IN LOVE!

I’M SHAKING I FEEL SO VINDICATED RN

I forgive all the other dumb shit in this epilogue

Seriously. Transcends quadrants. I have been saying this for half a fucking decade. Vriska and terezi are in gay love. Eat shit, haters.

Asdfghjkl

I hate this stupid webcomic

I have nothing intelligent left to say anymore (as if I ever had anything intelligent to say) but. Homestuck good.

I am going to Lose My Shit

CANDY 38

Thank Fucking God

Also ever since dead teen space jade fell out of the sky, all of the characters have felt a lot more real

I’m not sure if that’s in the narrative or that’s just me getting over my disgruntlement at the incredibly batshit things happening in candy

Hatchi fucking matchi

Also getting some real dirk-fading-into-the-ether vibes from john here

Roxy is fucking laying into john damn

But it’s not like they arent making completely valid points

………..hmm……..

God I’m so depressed

I’ve spent 80% of my life worried that I’m doing the Important and Right thing

And in the last 4-5 years I’ve been confronted with my cosmic insignificance and I have not been able to get over it

Like I get it’s kind of asshole-ish. Narcissistic. Selfish. To think of your life and the people in it as something….sidelined. and to be all mopey over that.

I WANT to be all “who cares” about it because thinking that your life has any Grand Significance In The Scope Of The Infinite Universe is 100% impractical and frankly batshit

This is all to say that I have problems and homestuck if calling me tf out

CANDY 39

dave is in the FUCKING WHITE HOUSE

I swear to god if Obama shows up I will shit my fucking pants

He steps closer to investigate, wiping away at the layers of moss and dirt to reveal a surface he most certainly does recognize. It’s a transportalizer.

I am shaking in anticipation

It’s a mounted god tier costume, about the size an adult male would wear. He recognizes the symbol. It’s the same one Jake used to wear when they were teens. It is the symbol for Hope.

Obama played fucking sburb didn’t he

Why is homestuck so fucking funny

OBAMA LMAOOOOOOOOO

This is the most homestuck thing to ever happen in homestuck

Hologram throwing all this inspiring bullshit at dave and dave just repeatedly asking how Obama died

He tells himself there’s nothing wrong with crying. Of course there isn’t. Just... not in front of Obama. He’s GOT to keep it together.

I’m just gonna. Put this here.

Obama ships davekat

Daaaaaave ): ): ):

Yes I’m 21 years old yes I’m tearing up at a conversation between a fictionalized barrack obama and a fictional man who wears sunglasses from a ben stiller movie all the time

Hate this fucking comic LOL

“wake up”. What. What is happening.

The sliding panel reveals a recess, and in the recess stands a robot. It’s a gleaming, polished silver replica of Dave, but without shades. It stands totally still, unpowered. Dave struggles to make sense of what he’s looking at.

Is THIS the robot that dirk was building??

Wait Obama said he built it

What the actual fuck

Fucking. WHAT. DAVBOT?

This is so fucking weird

CANDY 40

Asdfghjkl

I love you aradia

Wow that conversation was…………..something

So calliope is fighting dirk for control of the narrative?

and dirk is like, an irresponsible author

especially interesting convo in light of dirk’s status as andrew’s self-insert

also I knew LE was gonna show up

CANDY POSTSCRIPT

rose…..bot……………..

I’ve got a bad feeling about this scoob

Also not feeling great about fucking davebot

That’s it for candy……………………..

Hopefully meat is more conclusive that

I’ve been reading for 15 total hours now

Might as well keep going

MEAT 25

Didn’t think I’d actually do it, huh?? Snide bastard

Also rose is going to straight die real soon isn’t she

And then become rosebot

Oh fuck right off

MEAT 26

Get wrecked you punk-ass bitch

MEAT 27

Okay so alt calliope is taking over jades body in this reality. Cool cool.

Also. Interesting that calliope said the way events are telegraphed, not what events are telegraphed. Goes back to importance of the speaker convo from candy

Dirk’s text is getting smaller asfgshfjk

Also good to know that calliope is completely Freaked The Fuck Out in this reality too, re: alt calliope occupying jade’s body

……….man

Also I’ve said this before but. Dirk and vriska. Are so alike.

MEAT 28

Terezi dear god I fucking missed you

It probably hasn’t been that long but it feels like forever

Yeah I suppose terezi’s been talking w/ the john that’s aged into his 30s

Also I was thinking about this lastnight & I forgot that time works different here in ye olde paradox space and I was kinda super weirded out thinking about a 30 y/o john flirting with terezi. I actually had a nightmare about it lmao. But this morning I remembered that terezis probably been at this forever.

I think the fact that john is even worried about this at all means he’s in pretty good shape

John: *thinks a girl is cute*

John: oh shit am I being a creep

Okay, terezi says she feels like she’s been out there for a hundred sweeps. That defo makes me feel better about her and john flirting

Okay, so I was right. John was the one bleeding in the car

Terezi’s not bleeding though so I am. Nervous to find out how that happens.

OF COURSE terezi is still looking for vriska, you fucking goon. Theyre in love.

Though I gotta say I wasn’t that down with johnrezi before the epilogue but. I have to say. It’s actually very cute.

Terezi just. Ate shaving cream.

MEAT 29

Oh, hi, jane

I kinda forgot how far along she is in her development as a full-blown fascist in this timeline

Dirk: *speaks*

Me: bitch

Jesus Christ

Waiting for dirk to call jane problematic

Calliope SNAPPED

MEAT 30

Why is karkat hiking around in a fucking suit

I love karkat

I love dave

Dave starting to explain super pacs to jake

And using sbahj for campaign ads asgdhadkjl

Why is he like this (I say, fondly)

Dirk is really out here being Like That

I’m

I have no words

Also I promise that this is unrelated but jake has inexplicably grown on me a little (not a lot)

MEAT 31

Now terezi is eating tobacco

She’s disgusting. I love her.

Terezi ):

John: *talks about how great terezi is*

Me: *nods solemnly*

I Am In Pain

GOD I love Terezi

Terezi: hold on. Lemme just do an impromptu surgery real quick.

Terezi: *is, very unsurprisingly, turned on by doing an impromptu surgery*

Oh ok this is happening

Good thing I found the time to get down w/ johnrezi I fucking guess

Not completely sure how I feel about this

MEAT 32

Is dirk about to fucking assassinate jake

He wouldn’t do that right

Dirk said transphobe rights??

God I hate this motherfucker

Dave: come…’out.’ What is this you speak of.

Roxy, dave, and alt calliope: Let’s talk about gender

Okay, so. Assassinating jake is something that dirk WOULD do

Calliope struggling to keep dirk back w/ the power of their narration is very fun to read though

Dirk: *slices the bell in half*

Me: that would’ve…made good content for a flash

Not to sound ungrateful but not one panel? Not one flash animation? Instead I have to read all these WORDS?

Of course if this were in a flash animation I probably wouldn’t understand fuckall of what is going on

On the other hand, it wouldn’t be taking me a billion years to get through this

God can roxy please get a pair of sunglasses to match dave. Please.

Hour? 17.5? Maybe?

Anyway I am being forced to take a break so I can participate in easter festivities (by which I mean eating dinner with 2 whole people)

Okay I’m back

I defo should be able to finish this tonight

Okay I guess killing Jake is NOT something that Dirk would do

At least. Not right now. And probably not permanently

dude…

you got to FLIP it

TURN-WAYS

Time to be back on dirk’s bullshit I guess

Meat 33

In the two hours that I was gone I managed to forget that john and terezi boned

Dirk saying things like “incel” and “cuck” make me want to Kill

Meat 34

Wow it so incredibly awful to read Dirk’s narration

I hate this stupid motherfucker so fucking much

Meat 35

*sees more orange text* oh jesus Christ

God why is he being so fucking cruel

Also if john dies then like. WHAT is the point.

Aw man I’m fucking crying

Man what the fuck

This shit fucking sucks

I gotta take a break

Meat 36

Now that I’ve taken like a 5 minute break to stop fucking crying it’s time to get back on the pain train I guess

Since I actually let Tears Fall there’s an increased chance that I’ll cry again

So I cannot be held accountable if I do that

Why the fuck does this clown keep misgendering roxy

Terezi: *pulls johns corpse out of a wallet to smell it* nothing weird about this

Also how tf is terezi gonna show back up shortly after john goes missing and no ones gonna suspect anything

Is it vriska. It’s vriska isn’t it.

Why do I feel like I’m either never going to get to see this conversation or I AM going to get to see it and its going to cause me immense personal distress

TEREZI SAID TRANS RIGHTS

Also terezi can hear dirk???????????

And are roxy’s pronouns him or them

Like did terezi just assume based on roxy’s appearance or did she talk to kanaya about it

Also I hate dirk’s stupid fucking guts

It does NOT help that I didn’t like him before the epilogue

God he sucks shit

Say it with me, now: we love terezi pyrope

Terezi DO NOT trust this clown ass motherfucker

Meat 37

Dirk is actually the worst dad. Don’t sweat it, john.

ROSE: Are you sure Kanaya is going to be ok with this?

No, rose. She absolutely will not be ok with this. What the fuck.

This shit sucks so goddamn much

I am going to be so depressed after finishing this arent I

Goddammit I’m crying again. I fucking knew I would.

Meat 38

Unfortunately I agree with dirk

FUCK

Davekat is so GOOD what the hell

Also

Karkat ):

Dirk will you fucking fuck off

I’m seriously okay with dave and karkat hopelessly pining forever if it means dirk doesn’t literally FORCE them to kiss. Like, what the fuck.

I take a deep breath and get myself under control. My light psychological intrusions may have only made things worse. Invested as I am in the outcome of this encounter, I know forcing their hand would be a mistake.

That’s the smartest thing you ever said you stupid fuck

Thank Fucking God

Meat 39

I’m nearing the end of this whole things and dirk still has narrative control. Not psyched about that.

He’s gently stroking the side of my arm now, making no effort to disguise his interest in the contours of my muscles. I use that arm to put a hand on his shoulder in an affable way, so that he’s forced to stop.

Dirk: I heard that Dirk has an 8-pack

Wait I already think I made that joke

He takes in every drop of light reflecting from my beautiful face. The sculpted cheekbones, the warrior’s eyebrows, the deadly serious yet exquisitely kissable mouth. This is the face he lives for now. A visage that, in mere minutes, will vanish from his life forever. The tears drop. His voice cracks.

Fuck OFF dude. I hate you so goddamn much.

I miss gamzee. GAMZEE. Can you believe that shit?????????

Also it’s so incredibly shitty that jane won the election against karkat

like there’s no way there’s gonna be any kind of resistance now for like, plenty of reasons, one being that it wouldn’t even start in the first place. Now jane’s gonna slide to Literal Genocide but with no opposition this time

god this is wack

Meat 40

I am so tired of seeing this fools orange text

Please god

Also I hate that homestuck has me counting exclamation marks to make sure theres not a significant number of them (8. 8 is the significant number)

Thinking about dave’s speech at dirk’s funeral and Not Feeling Great

Does dirk actually think dave is going to be the one to kill him or is that just his weird decapitation fetish talking

Meat 41

Kanaya I love you and this is not your fault but jesus Christ

Kanaya: I Have Been Bamboozled

Oh shes fucking mad

KANAYA: ***I SWEAR THAT I SHALL MAKE HIM PAY DEARLY FOR STEALING MY BELOVED WIFE!***

I know that I’ll never see it happen but I hope kanaya beats dirks ass into the goddamn ground

Remember when chainsawed eridan in half and put on bloodied lipstick afterward? That’s the shit I’m talking about

Welp. Bye, jade.

Fucking. My sentiments exactly.

Alright alt calliope is using ‘he’ pronouns w/ Roxy so I’m assuming that’s right, considering alt calliope has access to Roxy’s thoughts and shit

fuck you you punk-ass bitch

Meat 43

I have never in my life been more relieved to see red text instead of orange

Things are still pretty fucking awful, though. I haven’t forgotten that.

sdfghjkl

see things are 100% Very Bad rn but this isn’t like completely impossible to read? Like I enjoyed parts of the epilogue, didn’t enjoy other parts. But the a lot of the parts I didn’t enjoy just were so painful to read. It was damn near impossible sometimes. And like, I get what you’re trying to do, but imo tough subjects don’t necessarily need to be written in a way that makes me so viscerally upset lol

anyway what I’m saying is that I’m not viscerally upset right now. Considering I’m nearing the end, this is a good thing.

karkat is talking about how dumb the concept of incest is and is being a jerk about how roxy’s dressed. I am upset again.

Thank god dave is here to save the fucking day

I just sneezed and heard crackling in my ears. I’ve been hearing shit like that for a solid two months now. Is there fluid in my ears? Do I have an ear infection? How long do ear infections last?

I’m love them

They still don’t know john is dead ): ): ):

Thank fucking god

At least there’s the possibility that they’ll see john again and that calliope is going to provide some fucking guidance

Also arent epilogues supposed to RESOLVE SHIT and not like. Leave me hanging like this. I can tell it’s to leave me hanging and listen. Listen. I just want to be free.

I’m going to be 40 goddamn years old and homestuck: the sequel is going to come out and the characters are going to be 42 and dealing with the exact issues that I’m dealing with as a 40 year old and it’ll launch me into an at-least-a-month-long spiral of fruitless self-reflection while I cry about it

Oh god fucking dammit

What was his sacrifice, even? Having sex with terezi?

Sorry. I’m just bitter.

In any case, in addition to like, weakening LE enough for alt calliope to presumably kill him, I do think it has something to do with terezi. I don’t think her role in things is quite over yet.

Meat Postscript

Okay so we’re back to candy?

Or, at least, where candy left off

Did. Alt calliope eat LE. Is that what happens when cherubs defeat one another. Did I manage to forget this cannibalistic detail.

Did dirk influence Obama to make davebot so davebot could join forces with alt-calliope to go against dirk, or was that Obama intentionally going up against dirk

Did I really type that sentence with my own fingers

The hole leaves behind an absence in the sky so calm that continuing to call it a sky wouldn’t seem to do it justice. It’s a perfectly neutral expanse into which anything one can imagine might be summoned. And for a while, anything was. But not anymore. Where the hole gaped just moments ago, there now exists an imaginary line.

Above this line resides all that matters. Below exists all else. Never again the twain shall meet.

These are a dope couple of paragraphs

Also I know that this probably goes against everything I just read but I hope this means I never have to read about an offshoot timeline again

Like I get that that was all Homestuck Brand Fuckery but I need like 300 months to recover

21 hours of reading later and I don’t really know what to

#derseday #homestuck #upd8 #also this looks fucking wack on mobile #so dont even look i guess

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buckyscrystalqueen · 5 years

Text

Natural Born Killer’s Revenge: Part 4

Pairings: Future Sam x witch!Reader, Past Dean x witch!Reader (sorta)

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff

Word Count: 3,000 (on the nose!)

A/N: This is a continuation of the Natural Born Killer story.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So you’re the new Queen of Hell.” A woman said as she sat down beside you on the park bench you had been sitting on for two days. You looked over at the gorgeous woman with a nod as you crossed your legs and turned a little more toward her.

“Forgive me for not knowing who you are.” You replied with a small tilt of your head.

“Name’s Billie.” She said as she watched the colors swirl in your eyes. “I’m the new Death.”

“(Y/N).” You said as you offered her your hand. “It’s a pleasure.” She nodded her head and shook your hand.

“I hear you’re making big waves in the world already.” She stated as she rested her arm on the back of the bench.

“Well that was my goal.” You agreed. “But my intention is only to settle the supernatural. Not to cause an uproar.”

“Well you have caused a slight uproar.” She stated. “You’ve unintentionally created some ripples…”

“Ripples? What do you mean?” She bobbed her head a bit as she held out her palm long enough for a notebook to appear.

“A list of lives impacted by your choices so far.” You looked between her and the notebook before you grabbed it to flip through the pages.

“I’m so sorry.” You said with a look up at her with a shake of your head. “If it’s possible, I can fix it…”

“There’s no need.” She said with a shake of her head. “There’s maybe two hundred names on that list and most of them will deal with other demons over the former King. But you must be mindful of your decisions.”

“I thought I was.” You breathed as you ran your fingers through your hair. “But my intentions here are only to put an end to unnecessary Supernatural deaths.”

“You can do that.” She said with a nod. “For the most part, most of those deaths are interruptions of other natural paths. Taking out Crowley changed paths of people that would make deals with him on those days he got bored with being in charge. But there is always a consequence to your choices.”

“Well I apologize. I will make sure my associates are aware of these deals and that they are taken care of.” You said as you created a business card with your cellphone numbers, your personal, and your email in Hell on it and held it out to her. “Please, if you ever have an impact due to my choices, feel free to call or email if you are to busy to stop by yourself. And if you need anything, please let me know.”

“Oh, I’ll be in touch.” She said with a nod as she took your card and slipped it in her pocket. “A woman with your level of power is always smart to befriend.” You smiled and nodded your head at her as she disappeared into thin air. You looked at the notebook in your hands and quickly pulled out your cell phone. You dialed Guthrie’s number as you created a mailbox outside your bedroom in Hell and made a key appear in the demon’s pocket.

“Guthrie.” You said as you looked over at the young man that was walking across the playground toward you. “In your pocket is a key to the mailbox I just put outside my bedroom door. In it, is a book of deals that need to be made on certain dates that were going to be covered by Crowley. Make sure Ainsley gets that so that those deals are guaranteed to still go through.” Once he agreed, you hung up the phone, and stood up with a smile.

“Naomi will see you now.” You nodded your head and took his offered hand, letting him lead you toward a sigil in the sand box. You stepped into the middle at his side and looked around as a black and white smoke encircled your body. Your stomach flipped a bit as you felt like you were flying and falling simultaneously and your hands flew out to the side to stabilize yourself when you came to a stop in an office.

“It takes some getting used to.” A short haired, blonde woman said from behind the desk as she gestured to a seat beside you. “Please, sit down (Y/N).”

“How you can ever get used to that feeling is beyond me.” You joked as you took a seat, crossed your legs, and looked at the group of five angels in the room. “Thank you for seeing me.”

“We were startled you asked for an audience.” A young brunette woman said. “We don’t see many demon’s here.”

“I’m a witch.” You clarified as you looked over at her with a small smile. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

“We don’t see many witches here either.” A male angel said as well. The way he looked at you was giving you an uneasy feeling and caused you to sit up a little straighter in your seat.

“Why have you taken over Hell?” Naomi asked, drawing your attention back to her as she watched the blue in your eyes swirl a little faster than it had moments before. You cleared your throat as laced your fingers together in your lap to keep your magic to yourself.

“I want to bring stability to the supernatural world.” You told the group. “My family was taken out by hunters when I was seventeen. None of them were doing anything worth being punished for. We were all white witches. I still am. But that didn’t stop the family of hunters from coming in and ripping apart our lives. Since that day, I planned on putting an end to the senseless violence. I want to demons to stop being unnecessarily stupid. I want monsters to stop killing for sport. I want to give hunters a break. I just want peace.”

“You know that’s unattainable, right?” The brunette asked as she looked at you, incredulously. “Peace on earth…”

“I’m not asking for peace on earth.” You interrupted with a shake of your head. “I’m asking for peace in the supernatural world. Human’s are your wheelhouse, monsters are mine.”

“We can’t allow that.” Naomi said as she looked over at you. “You’re interrupting the flow…”

“My decision is not up to you.” You said as the color of your eyes darkened. “And my decision also doesn’t impact fate, according to Death herself.”

“And we should just sit back and wait to see if what you believe is true?” She asked as she leaned forward and rested her arms on her desk. You leaned back in your chair and uncrossed your legs as the need to flee started to curl in your stomach.

“Look, I’m here as a curtesy.” You stated as you prepared to get yourself out of heaven. “My plan is already in the works. The word is out, Hell is starting to fall in line…”

“It won’t miss you.” A red headed man said as he took a half step toward you. You instantly threw up a barrier and tried to disappear, but for the first time since you learned how to do it, you were unable to.

“Fuck.” You muttered as Naomi raised her hand to gesture to the angels behind her. You jumped to your feet and shoved your hand toward them, sending her desk and all the furniture in the room toward them before taking off at a run. You ducked angel after angel as you ran through the seemingly endless hallways, looking for a way out as you passed countless people’s heavens. Every time you rounded a corner, there were more angels trying to stop you. You felt bad for having to throw them out of the way, but when it came down to your life or theirs, you choose yours.

“Room 42.” A gravely voice said behind you as you hit a dead end. You whipped around, and looked at an older man that didn’t look like he belonged. “Room 42. It takes you home.” You looked up at the door he was pointing to and nodded your head as you gently pat his arm in thanks.

“Thanks, sweetheart.” You said on your way past as you threw open the door. A blinding white light flooded the hallway and something almost literally sucked you threw the door. You fell hard on the ground in the middle of a field nowhere near the playground you had went into heaven, and instantly transported yourself to the bunker.

“Sam!” You roared as you got to your feet and brushed the dirt off your jeans. “The fucking angels tried to kill me!” You looked around the empty library and your brow furrowed. “Sam?!” You called as you walked a few steps over toward the map room when your cell phone started to ring in your back pocket. You pulled the phone out and sighed as you answered the unknown call.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N). The new Queen of hell.” A male voice said on the other end. “I think we need to have a little chat.” There was a burst of noise through the little speaker before a voice you actually recognized came on the line.

“They got us.” Dean said in a monotone voice through a sigh. “They want to talk to you.”

“Alright. I’m coming.” You breathed as you ran your fingers through your hair. “But if this asshole tries to kill me like the fucking angels did, we’re gunna have some real problems.” You hung up the phone and groaned as a text message came through with an address. You groaned again and looked up at the ceiling. “Goddamn it, stupid motherfuckers.” With a heavy sigh, you cracked your neck and disappeared to meet the next person that was probably going to try to kill you, too.

——

You didn’t expect to appear right outside of an old, red barn with peeling paint, but you shrugged all the same. Before you even took a step forward, you threw up a barrier, not wanting to go back to purgatory for trying to help. You headed into the barn and cringed at the coopery spell of blood that hung the air.

“Ms. (Y/L/N).” The voice from the phone said from the shadows. “Please, step into my office.”

“Where are the Winchesters?” You asked as you walked through the poorly lit barn, using your sigils to illuminate your way.

“We’re here.” Sam called out. “It’s safe.”

“Yea, I thought heaven was safe, too.” You grumbled as you stepped farther into the shadows and let your eyes adjust to the darkness. You couldn’t help but smirk at the brothers, who were currently tied to metal chairs. “And you two are supposed to be the best hunters alive.”

“Shut up.” Dean growled as you looked up at the nicely dressed man standing behind them. You could tell, just by the situation, that you were dealing with a vampire that was pretty high up on the food chain.

“Darling, you didn’t need to kidnap the boys to have a sit down with me.” You cooed as you stepped around Sam. “And please, it’s just (Y/N).”

“You can call me Rick.” He said as he took your offered hand, and kissed your knuckles gently. “It’s a little less informal than my actual title of Alpha.”

“Well how about this, Rick.” You said politely with a glance over your shoulder. “How about we let the boys go, and you and I can sit down and talk, OK?”

“My apologies, (Y/N).” He said with a shake of his head. “But they are my… insurance policy.”

“Then far be it from me to disrupt that.” You said, receiving a shouted ‘hey’ from Dean in protest. “Where would you like to talk? I can adapt.” He nodded his head and gestured you toward a room at the back of the barn. With a smile, you walked in that direction, knowing that typically, vampires didn’t attack witches. You stepped into the room and forced yourself not to show your nervousness in front of the other two vampires in the room.

“So I’ve heard through the grapevine that you have taken over Hell.” Rick said as he walked around you to stand between his two lackeys.

“I have.” You said with a nod. “I want to achieve peace in the supernatural world.”

“And how do you intend on achieving it?” You smiled at him and conjured two seats so the pair of you could have an actual conversation. Your barrier fell as you got comfortable and snapped a tea pot and two cups.

“I prefer coffee.” You said as you poured yourself a cup. “But I can make it tea.”

“Not necessary.” He said as he took the cup out of the air. With a nod, you sat back in your chair and crossed your legs.

“I intended on speaking to all of the Alpha’s so forgive me for not finding you first.” You started. “I started with Hell, breaking it down like a business over a dictatorship. Everyone has a job and I will see to it that they do their jobs and not stray. I have established a council and have already made it relatively clear that there is no other option but mine here. Heaven seems to be a little anti-new reign for now. But then again, they aren’t really an issue to be concerned with as of now. I’ve spoken to Billie, who is the new Death, and she doesn’t see any unforeseeable issues. So that leaves you.

As you probably know, I am a white witch, not that that matters much. But that was how I was raised. And unfortunately, my family of white witches were murdered by a family of hunters. The Winchesters, actually not that that matters either. But I lost everyone at only seventeen years old. And now, I’d like to prevent that from happening to other people.” Rick nodded his head and slowly sipped his coffee, not saying a word until he had completely heard you out.

“Now, I know you… excuse the term, but monsters… need to hunt. I get that. But I want to see if it is even possible to come up with a happy medium between us and the humans of the world. I don’t know how that could happen, but I would like to try and make it possible. I know there will always be rogues, but I want to establish a line of understanding between monsters and hunters. I want only the ones that won’t adhere to our understanding to be taken care of by hunters where as the ones that can assimilate into society and be responsible about their killings or the way they live their lives are left alone. I don’t want to step on toes though so if I’m stretching here…”

“It’s possible.” Rick said with a slow nod. “But it would need to be worked out in great detail…” You nodded your head and produced a few business cards similar to the one you gave Billie and held them out to the Alpha.

“Please… take your time on thinking about my proposition. Talk it over with any one you need to, and just get back to me. My number’s on the card…”

“How about we set up a meeting?” He said as he took the cards. “I will get ahold of my associates and we can all sit down for a meeting to discuss your idea.”

“Please just name the time. We can have the meeting in Hell if you’d like or you can let me know of a better location that works for all of you.” He nodded his head as he handed his coffee cup to one of the other vamps and stood up.

“You may take the Winchester’s with you.” He said with a nod as he offered you his hand.

“Thank you for taking the time to at least hear me out, Rick.” You said as you stood up and took his hand. “I look forward to hearing from you. Feel free to call me at any time.” He nodded his head and gestured you toward the door. You turned and walked out with a smile on your face, glad that at least meeting the Alpha Vampire went a lot better than meeting with the angels. “Let’s go, trouble.” You laughed as you untied their bonds with a twist of your wrist.

“How’d it go?” Sam asked as he jogged a couple steps to catch up with you to hold his hand.

“Much better than angels.” You sighed as you ran your fingers through your hair. “They tried to attack me. I had to haul ass out of heaven through some escape hatch door.”

“Yea, angels are dicks.” Sam said as he stopped next to the Impala and held open the back door for you. “But was the vamp at least willing to hear you out?”

“He heard me out.” You said once he got in the car in front of you. “He’s going to talk to the other Alphas and think about my idea. Hopefully I’ll get a call in a couple days to sit down with all the Alphas. Then it’s on to the hunters.”

“This shit is never going to work.” Dean said as you scooted forward on the seat to hold Sam’s hand over his shoulder. “Hey, not in my fucking car!” He shouted at you.

“Dean, stop.” Sam sighed as he pulled your hand forward to kiss it before letting it go. “We’re dating.” Dean huffed loudly in response and reached out to turn up his music as he pulled out onto the main road to go home. With a sigh, you sat back in your chair and shared a look with Sam. He blew you a kiss, and turned back around in his chair, bringing a smile to your face.

Part 5

#sam winchester x reader #natural born killer's revenge #natural born killer #sam x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader

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nickireadstfc · 6 years

Text

The King’s Men, Chapter 13 – WHAT THE FUCK, Pt. 2

In which Neil’s father happens.

Sounds good? Who are we kidding. It’s time for Nicki to read The King’s Men.

So.

We finally made it here after all, huh?

Glad you’ve come around to watch the show, friends. Gather round, sit down with a blanket and a book to clutch, and get ready for literal hell.

Our boy has been running from this for two and a half books, and now he’s finally – unfortunately – made it. Neil has stopped running, has stopped hiding, has shed his lies and his disguises and even his name, and has overall wished his life goodbye.

Except, well.

We, of course, have not.

Let’s go.

Lola had lined the back of his hand with crosshatches and burned angry circles into his knuckles. Another burn mark stained the tender flesh between his thumb and index finger. The burns were starting to ooze, but dried blood smothered most of the mess.

Holy shit.

My non-native English speaking ass had to look up what crosshatch is, and yeah, Lola essentially cut Neil’s (Nathaniel’s?) hand up into a nice argyle pattern.

What the fuck. #deathoutforlolamalcolm

(Thank you to permanentchaos for this gem of a hashtag.)

He was in the cellar, which meant they’d come in through the garage. An underground tunnel led from one to the other, installed for the sole purpose of moving the occasional body.

Natch.

Fucking natch that this man would have a BODY MOVING TUNNEL.

The Extra™ runs in the family, apparently.

Nathaniel and his mother had escaped through it nine years ago. It was only fitting that he was returned home the same way.

Okay, nice. That’s some good ass poetic symmetry right there folks.

I’m in a state of anxiety and dread right now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate some sweet sweet writing.

Nathaniel brandished his hands at [Lola]. “These are going to get infected if I don’t clean them soon.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.”

“You’re not me,” Nathaniel said, and got to his feet.

Glad to see that Nathaniel is as much of a sassy shit as Neil was.

I’m not kidding, this had been an actual concern of mine.

However, my tiny flicker of enjoyment of this scene is quickly dissolved as things developed and they had to develop – we meet The Man™.

Mr Chop Chop himself, Nathan Wesninski, has entered the room, accompanied by his bodyguard Arnold Schwarzenegger, Evil Edition.

Oh boy.

“On your feet,” Nathan said. (…) “You know better than to sit in my presence.”

Nathaniel told himself to stay put, but he was already getting up.

Heck nope.

Just this bit right here already tells us so much about this character and the power dominance in his relationship to Nathaniel, and those are legit his first few lines.

Nathaniel has been so conditioned to follow his father’s orders that he literally can’t not do it. Jesus fuck.

Bless you (but also curse you), Nora, for always introducing characters so spot on.

“My son,” Nathan said. “My greatest disappointment in life. Where is my second greatest?”

“Mom is dead,” Nathaniel said.

Holy sHIT.

“My second greatest”, can Nora STOP WRITING SUCH GOOD VILLIANS.

This is a+ wording right there.

I am very, very quickly eating my words about my appreciation of Nathan’s character as he shares some of his, well, fantasies. And not the sexy kind.

(Although I would have a similarly repulsed reaction to hearing Nathan Wesninski’s sexual fantasies, thank you very much.)

“I’m indecisive. I might skin you alive. I might take you apart one inch at a time and cauterize the wounds. I think no matter what I choose we are going to start by slicing the tendons in your legs.”

Any other time, I would have called him out for being ~Dramatic~, but after what Lola did to Nathaniel in the car and how much she was not overstating her cruelty, I’m kinda fucking terrified.

And mind you, Lola is supposed to be the watered down version of Mr Chop Chop.

Where do I sign up for an exit program right the fuck now.

“Fuck you,” Nathaniel spat at him, voice sharp with horror.

Glad to see Nathaniel keeping up the Brand™ even in this time of stress.

And by glad I mean absolutely peeing myself in fear.

Metal flashed a scarce inch from [Nathaniel’s] face as Nathan took a swing with the axe.

And with that, Nathaniel’s father, his gang, his cleaver and his axe set to doing good on their word.

All of this is of course very reminiscent of Neil’s scar-inducing trip to Evermore in The Raven King, except in TRK most of the torture done to him was off-screen, whereas here it is very fucking not so.

I am attributing it solely to my dad exposing me to violent action movies at a young age that I did not get sick reading this.

This is an 18+ book, folks. And in all seriousness, I feel like there should have been a warning about that somewhere.

I am sparing y’all the descriptions of the following pages because you’ve already been through it once already, but.

Please know that this is the most explicitly violent, brutal and terrifying shit that has gone down in this entire series so far (and also, I hope, ever.)

“We’ll slit your ankles, then your knees,” Nathan told Nathaniel. “And if you try to crawl away I will take your arms from you too.”

Literally HOW IS THIS MAN REAL.

(He’s not. He’s fictional. I know that. Shut up.)

HOW DOES SOMEONE DO SHIT LIKE THIS. HOW DOES SOMEONE DO SHIT LIKE THIS TO THEIR OWN SON.

I’m quitting. I am the fuck OUT.

Nice knowing y’all, but I am deleting this account, see y’all nev–

“Lola,” Nathan said, but he didn’t get to finish.

The cellar door opened from the outside, and a swarm of strangers came in shooting.

Wait, what.

Oh SHIT.

STUART’S HERE, the badass distant uncle has come to save the day.

Does this feel a little ex machina? Yes.

Do I care? Absolutely the fuck not, because now my boy Nathaniel gets to live another day with both of his legs intact.

Nathan was kneeling in the middle of the room with four guns aimed at his head. He started to get to his feet, but someone knocked him back down with the butt of a rifle.

Now that’s what I like to see, folks.

Hit that fucker.

“How dare you,” Nathan said savagely. “You defy Moriyama by coming here and killing my men. You are a dead man walking. You don’t have the power to–“

Stuart didn’t let him finish. Nathan’s body jerked as two bullets punched holes into his chest.

NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL QUALITY CONTENT.

HECK YEAAAHHHHHHH.

When his father is killed, though, Nathaniel has an interesting experience:

That wrenching feeling in his chest wasn’t grief, but a need so fierce Nathaniel thought it would kill him. (…) He couldn’t breathe, much less explain the terrifying exhilaration.

Sounds to me like he’s experiencing Wanting To Have Killed Daddy Himself, but I could be wrong?

Could also be relief, if you consider that Nathaniel legit spent over half of his life running from that guy.

I am mildly confused here as to whether this is what Nora means or if we’re not supposed to understand this feeling either and it’ll be revealed/explained later.

If anyone has anything (spoiler-free) to offer on this, hit me up.

Moving on – Stuart Ex Machina gets Nathaniel out of the house and hands him right over to the FBI, which is at least better than the Torture Cellar of Hell.

“My name is Nathaniel Wesninski,” he said, “and my father is dead.”

HECK YEAH.

Tattoo this sentence on my forehead, please and thank you.

We’ve been waiting for this for TWO AND A HALF BOOKS, I lowkey can’t believe we’re finally here.

This new development is also pretty okay by Nathaniel (and me), seeing as it’ll finally provide him with some good good medical attention.

Oh, and also opportunities to be a sassy shit.

“Are you going to be a problem for us?”

Nathaniel struggled to look up and focus on the man’s face. “I’ve been a problem for nineteen years. I’m too tired to be one tonight.”

I love this boy, whether Neil or Nathaniel or whoever.

Said boy then – understandably – passes the fuck out, and wakes again in a place where I wished he would have been approximately fifty times those past two and a half books:

A goddamn hospital, getting himself goddamn patched up.

Oh, also the feds are here.

Oh, also he’s kind of under arrest.

What can you do.

“We’ve got a string of offenses we could charge you with, starting with the fake IDs in your wallet and escalating to your mother’s current whereabouts. Just let us know if we’ve got to play hardball.”

Nathaniel made a rude noise. “You couldn’t at least use an Exy idiom?”

I am CACKLING.

This absolute NERD.

„Yes officer, you have me arrested, but gosh fuckin darnit honor the might Exy, will you.”

Nathaniel, despite what he said to them last night, continues being A Problem for the FBI, answering only the minimum of questions and then turning to repeating pretty much one phrase, despite what the feds try to bribe/threaten him with:

“I want to see my teammates.”

Fucking iconic.

Oh yeah, also said teammates have been brought in for questioning and now know everything about Nathaniel’s dirty gritty backstory. Oops.

I doubt they will care, but apparently the FBI does not share my opinion.

“You’re wrong,” Nathaniel said. “They can’t leave without Andrew, and Andrew won’t go anywhere until he talks to me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.”

HECK YES HE DOES.

Andrew will absolutely rip him a new one for hiding all this shit from him, but I’ll be damned if he won’t activate heaven and earth to see his boyfriend.

“You can take me to him, or you can let me rot silently in a cell somewhere. Those are your only options.”

Heck YES.

God, those two. <3

The FBI are not as hyped about Andreil as I am, sadly, and the next day they take him away into custody without letting him see anyone.

A blasted shame.

Nathaniel couldn’t sleep, but at least he could daydream his father’s death over and over again. That was almost enough to make him smile, and eventually it thawed the chill from his veins.

And in a way, that is strangely comforting.

I’ll see y’all next week.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me through the heartbreak of this chapter, why not buy me a coffee? Every lil bit helps, getting me through uni and all that jazz. Thanks so much!

#tfc #the foxhole court #aftg #all for the game #andreil #tkm #the king's men #nora sakavic #nicki reads tfc #I'M BACK Y'ALL #regular updates again from next week on #thx for bearing with me #please come cry in my inbox if you have feelings bc bish me too

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rockhoochie · 6 years

Text

No Apologies

(*Edit, previously titled “He Brings Me Sugar”)

Pairing: Dean/OFC

Warnings: Adult Content, Smut, Slow Burn, Somewhat Dubious Consent, Angst, Prescription Drug Abuse, Drinking, Knife play (very brief), Minor OC (sibling) Death, Language, Oral Sex (M/F receiving).

Summary: After losing her sister Anna to a demon, the Winchesters have taken Lexi under their wing. She studies and trains with them, tense friction quickly growing between her and Dean. When Sam and Castiel leave to take care of the demon that killed Anna without her, the levee of tension amidst Lexi and Dean breaks, flowing into something neither of them expected.

A/N: This is an edit of a fic I’ve posted previously. I meant to write a brief smutty one-shot and ended up developing the OFC a bit. Since the word count is 10K+, I decided to chapter it out. There may still be some errors, so please forgive me as I haven’t had this beta’d yet. Thank you for reading and as always, if you’d like to be tagged just send an ask!

**My work is not to be copied, altered, posted on other sites or otherwise used without my express written permission**

Chapter 3

I had been living with Sam and Dean for about six months no, ever since my life had been turned completely and insanely upside down. Ever since my house had been burned down by a demon. Ever since that same demon had possessed my sister Anna and made her snap her own neck…

It had just been Anna and me. Our parents were gone, killed in a car accident almost two years ago. Anna had resolved to stay home with me after our parents’ funeral. They had left the house to us in their will – rather than try to deal with selling it, we moved in. Although sometimes painful, living in our childhood home again, surrounded by our parents’ possessions and essence was comforting in its own bittersweet way.

Sam had been only halfway through the exorcism when Anna was killed. Dean had been holding me from behind as I simply cried and screamed for my sister. I watched, helpless and confused and terrified as the demon glared me with eyes black as obsidian. It cackled with Anna’s voice, and unceremoniously twisted her head almost the whole way around. The demon left her then, in a thick black vine of smoke that reeked of sulfur, and making the most wretched squealing sound I had ever heard. Dean’s grip loosened on me as her body hit the floor. I had run over to Anna and held her, stroking her hair as my tears fell into her open, dead eyes, not caring that the flames licking the walls were gaining more and more strength. Sam had yelled repeatedly at Dean to get me out; Dean had to coax and scream and pry me away from my little sister. He had dragged me out of the burning house – literally kicking and screaming – as I watched Sam pour a copious amount of rock salt over Anna’s corpse.

Once Dean had gotten us a safe distance away and Sam had run out of the burning house, everything I had left in me vanished as I collapsed on the street. The brothers stayed with me the entire time, through the police and fireman interrogations, through the paramedic examination. The EMT’s kept telling me how lucky I was. I kept silently telling them to go fuck themselves.

Once the fire was out and Anna’s body had been wheeled away, all I could do was tremble, and repeatedly ask Sam and Dean what hell happened, what’s going on, what was that thing. They tried their best to calm me and explain. My head swam along with my tears as they told me that monsters were real, that they were hunters – the kind of hunters that kill the things that everyone else dismissed as fairy tales. They told me were demons real, angels were too, but God had left the building…and vampires and werewolves and even dragons absolutely existed outside of nightmares. At first, I thought they were insane, or that everything that had happened had caused me to go off the deep end.

They took me to their car, a black ’67 Impala, and showed me the contents of the trunk. Guns, knives, bullets, a goddamn machete. Dean reached for and opened a leather-bound journal, and flipping the pages slowly as I peered at them. They were full of hand drawn pictures of awful creatures, of handwritten information about each one – what is was, where it came from, and how to kill it.

Despite the obvious proof, I maintained the position that either I was losing my mind or they were certifiable lunatics.

Deep down I knew it was all true - nothing else could explain it. The weight of accepting that truth crushed anything that remained of my heart that night.

That demon had destroyed the only home and family had left. The only thing I was able to walk away with were the clothes on my back and the necklace I wore – a heart-shaped silver pendant with a single diamond embedded near the top, a single silver angel wing decorating the right side, and the words “Big Sister” engraved in simple print. Anna had one that matched – the only difference was the angel wing on the left side, and the engraved phrase “Little Sister”. We had found them in our mother’s closet, already wrapped in Christmas paper, tucked away amongst other gifts and boxes. Mom had always called us her angels on earth.

One of the EMTs had slipped Anna’s necklace into my hand. I slid the pendant off the chain, and joined it with my own. I silently promised my sister retribution. Whatever it took, wherever I had to go, I was going to destroy the thing that murdered her or die trying.

When Sam asked me if I had someone to call or someone I could stay with, I had shaken my head ‘no’. I had some friends out of state I could’ve called, but I couldn’t even bring myself to consider leaving. I needed answers about what had happened to Anna, and I was hellbent on revenge. I had told them I’d get a hotel for now, but Sam said he didn’t feel comfortable just leaving me alone. That demon was still out there somewhere, and chances were it was going to come after me.

That night they brought me to the bunker.

I sat at the library table in silence, watching Dean unpack his gear while Sam got a room ready for me.

“Hey,” Dean had said, “When’s the last time you ate anything?”

“Not hungry,” I mumbled.

“Not what I asked you.”

“I don’t know, sometime yesterday…”

Dean walked into the kitchen, leaving me to stare at the strange arsenal he had laid out in front of me - a sawed-off shotgun, several knives, bloody clothes and flasks – either full of holy water or whiskey.

He returned with a small plate and a fork, setting a piece of cherry pie in front of me.

“I’d rather have a drink,” I mumbled.

“Pie first.”

I cut a small piece, forcing myself to take one small bite after another until I finished it, trying to at least find some comfort in its sweetness. I licked the last of the thick filling off of my fork, and ran my finger along the sides of my lips to clean off any trace that may have remained.

When I looked up, I found Dean staring at me, his lips parted, his green eyes fixed on me.

“What is it?” I asked. “Is there some on my face?”

He blinked with a slight shake of his head and leaned back in his chair.

“No,” he said. “I just…I’m sorry for everything you went through tonight. I know how it is to lose family, and…”

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“Here,” he said, handing me a silver flask. “You can have that drink now”.

***

I had stayed in my room for three days after I got there, only leaving to use the bathroom. For the most part, Sam and Dean gave me my space. Sam would knock twice a day, come in and bring me food. Sometimes we would make small talk. Sometimes we would just sit there in silence, until he would put a movie on for me. He’d hold me while I cried, listen calmly when I screamed.

Dean had been present, but had kept himself fairly distant. On the morning of my third day at the bunker, I woke to find a pint of Jack Daniels and slice of cherry pie on my night stand. I knew that was from him. As great as Sam was about being attentive to my emotions, Dean knew what I didn’t know I really needed – sugar and booze. I washed down the pie with the whiskey, and spent the rest of the day getting blissfully drunk while watching old western movies.

On the fourth day, I finally came out of my room with a staggering hangover. That was the day I met Castiel, and experienced the glorious magic that was angelic healing. Cas had simply touched two fingers to my forehead, erasing the lingering physical pain I had from the night Anna died, healing the cuts and bruises covering my body. Even my hangover was gone. It was also the day I asked Sam and Dean to teach me everything they knew.

Sam read through lore and research with me, quizzing me on what the most common creatures were and how to kill them. He showed me the best places to look for the rare, odd things, and told me to who to call if I got stuck on something. I studied symbols, warding, summoning spells and credit card fraud. Sam was patient and warmhearted while he taught me, leading me to correct my own wrong answers and guiding me step-by-step as I practiced sketching Devil’s Traps. Sam quickly became like a big brother to me – that was the reason I picked him to take me to get the anti-possession tattoo on the back of my neck.

Dean led me in the more hands-on aspects of hunting. He taught me how to handle the guns, how to clean them, how to put them back together. He showed me the different bullets, the rock salt shells and the witch killers. He gave me a hunting knife, a lock-pick kit, and finally my own Glock.

We also spent time sparring, practicing hand to hand fighting. He never held back with me, saying that if I was going to have his or his little brother’s six, I’d better damn well know how to fight.

Dean was tough on me, critical, demanding perfection from everything he was trying to teach me. It only took about two weeks before started grating on each other. The more comfortable I got around him, the more he learned that not only could I take it, but I could dish it right back to him. That seemed to piss him off, and I found myself secretly enjoying it.

One particular day in the shooting range we really had it out. I was holding my Glock, trying to aim at the target and he would just not shut up. My stance was wrong, I wasn’t holding the gun the right way, what did I think this was, the goddamn movies? I finally cracked that day, screaming at him to get the fuck out of my face and back the hell off. I had stormed off, hiding myself in an archive room for the next several hours. When I finally returned to my room, there was a pint of Jack Daniels and a slice of pie sitting on my nightstand. By that time, I had learned how high pie was on Dean’s list of priorities. So, with a smile, I took the gesture as an apology and forgave him.

After a couple of months, I went out on some simple hunts with them – a spirit here, a poltergeist there. Sam was proud of me. Dean was impressed. I wanted to do more. Despite my insistence and protestations, they left me behind on the more difficult hunts - vampire nests, werewolf packs, things that hunted in twos, or anything demon-related.

Whenever they left me behind, I resigned myself to trying to track down the demon that killed Anna. I looked for patterns, strange sightings, any hint that the thing was still around. Sam and Dean tortured any demon they came across to get information before destroying or exoring them. Not one of them knew anything, or if they did, they weren’t talking. Dean had even summoned Crowley to interrogate him. After Crowley spent an eternity talking in circles and flirting with me, he insisted he knew nothing about my sister, or which one of his minions may have killed her. He did however, offer to make finding it out for me his top priority in exchange for my soul. Dean had cursed at him for that, charging at him with Ruby’s knife. Crowley vanished with a snap of his fingers before Dean could even get close to him.

I kept hunting, kept researching, kept hoping. I made it extremely clear to Sam and Dean that I was going to be the one to destroy that demon once it dared to show up again. They never protested, but never seemed too thrilled with the idea either.

It was comforting knowing I had people who had my back – hell, it was comforting to know that an actual angel had my back. Any time they left and hunted without me it filled me with dread. The Winchesters were the best at what they did, but if anything ever happened to them I’d be lost. I couldn’t imagine life without Sam, the brother I never had. I couldn’t even imagine life without Dean…the Dean I never had.

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