#though extremely anxious

[canisalbus]

just a quick ask to tell u it makes me super happy seeing the detail u go into when pointing out stuff u like about other people's art of ur ocs :3 it's so rare to see but it's so so motivating!! <3

Thank you! I don't take any interest for my art for granted, and if someone goes through the trouble of drawing my characters for me, I feel like trying to write a proper response is the least I can do. For a visually oriented person, receiving gift/fan art is a huge deal, it means someone considered my goobers worth their time and effort, they've probably been thinking about them more than a little and found them inspiring in a way or another, and I find that terribly flattering. It's extremely fun and interesting to see other people's takes on them. And I've drawn stuff for people as well, I know how nice and rewarding it feels to receive a response that is longer than a word or two. Positive comments like that can linger in people's minds for a long time, at least for me they do.

#this comes with a big serious disadvantage though #it often takes me a long time to write that response #my social batteries are extremely small and a lot of the time by the time I go online I feel too worn out to engage with people properly #I'm autistic anxious and severely depressed my spoons are in short supply at the best of times #I've always had really hard time putting my thoughts into words in a way that I find satisfactory #so I keep putting off reblogging gift art #because most of the time my brain is too smushed to formulate that meaningful comment I want to give #maybe that sounds dumb and fake #but this is something I've struggled with for years and I feel extremely guilty for keeping people waiting like that #often weeks sometimes months even #and potentially making them feel underappreciated and unnoticed #I'm also genuinely very scatterbrained and unorganized and I miss and forget things I'm supposed to do all the time #not to mention that I tend to have trouble keeping track of my mentions and dms and asks I'm only one person #so if you've ever drawn something for me and I didn't/haven't responded yet #please know it's not personal it's entirely my fault I'm kind of a mess #and chances are I'm still very much attempting to get back to you #feel free to remind me if you feel like I might have not noticed your post I really don't mind at all it often helps me a lot #and please if you can don't delete the post even if it seems like I didn't see it #because again sometimes it takes me a long time to respond #thank you to everyone who has stayed endlessly patient with me though I appreciate it #sorry this spiraled into a list of apologies and excuses this is actually something that bothers me a lot #because it's largely a mental health thing but easily comes off as ungratefulness #I'm trying to work on that #answered #anonymous

[vargaslovinghours]

Vargas IX, now with touch screen capabilities! (1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8)

That’s what it says on the tin....right?

And that’s what we like about him

He wins Rudest, 20th year in a row!

No Russian endearments, this is bullying >:0

Can you tell I was out and about lol, all I had were kids menu crayons and he still turned out cute <3

Their bunnies! It really is lucky that their colours are easy to find in crayons haha

Some vent :( They are always good for it ♥

Don’t want closeness, the hurt is too overwhelming to even touch

Always bothering him when he’s trying to sleep

That could be taken a lot of different ways honestly. Edgar just so done haha

Ahh, that way ♪ I like how the blanket pulled over his head turned out haha, that won’t muffle him at all!

Return of the Style Challenge! An Edgar off the heels of my KoiBo studies, extra hair floof ♫

A quick and silly Fairy!Edgar as a spacefiller; had a glimpse of an AU idea after rewatching Ferngully lol, Zak looks a bit like Jake I think

I actually doodled this one last year but didn’t scan it in until recently :0 - I’d planned to turn it into a minicomic but the page got away from me and turned into something else unrelated haha

Uh oh, Nny brainrot, here it comes

As if he would be worried~

God can’t save me now ♪ Your Boyfriend gives me so many Nny ideas, how dare <3 This song was already Edgar’s (so much) but now it’s his too! How dare!!

More ideas from that^ video, what’s a bit of casual dismemberment intention among friends

That felt-tip makes him twitchy

Uh oh

His nails are so sharp he barely needs to grip to pierce flesh

That was very on-purpose though. His harsh word bubbles really are fun to draw, like they're bolted and nailed together ♪

Poor Edgar :( Not that this would've ended well for him either way, but it's not like he was trying to make it worse! Though, this is probably better, maybe

Ew, gross >:|

Probably nothing that would de-escalate, so. No.

Kinda free-bleeding over here, ow, please stop :(

Oddly gentle touch, considering the literal blood on his hands

Just gonna lightly dig around in your arm, don't worry about it. He's really barely touching him, blood giving his fingertips a smooth glide

He tapped back into his mind and got a bit stuck there, words kinda sorta. Surprisingly it’s not that comforting!

Scriabin is not having a fun day :( Edgar, no, stop excusing him!

"Why did I do that??" Maybe something to do with a waste-lock? :3c

Haha, as soon as they're directly out of danger, Scriabin's right back to sassing him, not so scared or small now huh

"Since you have a habit of collecting scars from him. Stop that, by the way."

Drawing his arm bandaged was just too fun! Bleeding through it, poor lad <3

More missing words, he meant to ask "What are you reading?" but Edgar told him anyway haha. Founder of the modern-day emoticon!

Sad Edgar for some comfort doodles <3 Seems backwards sometimes lol, but if it works!

"Pay attention to me instead of whatever's making you upset." Poor thing, even Scriabin just coming up to him makes him jump

Kisses <3 I really like the one of Edgar trying to dodge him hehe, no kiss! Yes kiss

Always a surprise, somehow

Something nice?? Who is this??? It was all a trick and ploy, don't flatter yourself >:0

Haha, the original Extremely scuffed doodle for this year's personal Vargasversary - as long as Edgar's squished, it all works out!

Wanted to draw Edgar as a pierrot clown out of the blue, he looks so cute! The big fluffy buttons and the floofy collar and eye makeup :D Cute!!

He's no simple clown! He's an complete comedy routine, straightman and fool in one!

But I mean, what does that say towards Scriabin's taste lol, he's already confirmed morosexual so ♪

Back to the Nnyspam, don't mind me

A reasonable request, he's skin and bones anyhow

A reasonable reply! Not an opposition exactly, just would prefer to know what to expect

As much as I can get to Poor Nny haha, he’s just so confused. "How did I get here." Meanwhile, Edgar tries really hard to not get his hopes up lol

Chatting about the weird exchange with Scriabin later - is this something they experienced together and are just talking about now, or did he go to Nny's alone?? Doesn't matter, Scriabin's gonna monologue about it

Haha, Edgar having some kind of Awakening thanks to Nny, again

He's always talking

More blobs! Scriablobin being annoying, of course <3

Went through a Tamagotchi-interest and decided to try and make some 32x32 resolution lads <3 Would take care of them, even if we all know Scriabin would beep even when he doesn’t need anything, he’d definitely run on the Devilgotchi OS lol

Back to the crying-kissing idea, set it down and picked it back up. Both just exchanging mini-barbs, sweet-nothings laced in thorns <3

Hehe they turned out so cute here ♥ Tastes like [soggy bread] and [affection]

An odd one of Edgar telling Scriabin off and manhandling him. Though maybe the latter isn’t as odd haha

I just wanted to doodle Edgar swearing at him haha. What would get him so riled to do so!

Family time, snuggles on the couch <3 Todd's completely enraptured by the glow of the television screen, ignoring cuddle time

*You hear the sound of canoodling in the background

Got a little too loud and got shut down haha

What happened?? Could've sworn they were just all over each other! That was the problem!

Welp, there's February through May again :) It's an ever-slowing momentum, but dang if it wasn't a powerful initial force lol

#💟 #Doodles #Art #Edgar #Scriabin #Nny #Todd #Shmee #Sketchdump #Blood #It's a very Edgar-heavy sketchdump this time! I mean. Other than how much Nny appears there's just so much Nny #So look out for that - especially on the blood front lol #Other warnings uhhh mostly just Nny weirdness - no it's not a vore thing don't look at me like that #Little bit of vent - And the usual Edgar/Scriabin silliness <3 #There's also like a Bunch more minicomics this time and I actually edited them seperately! Woah! #The big Nny one in the middle is a complete thought - though I would love to return to Scriabin sassing Edgar when he feels safe haha #The kiss one still has some missing panels - it was split into two sections for what I think are interesting reasons #The initial inspiration came from when I woke up horribly anxious for some reason and y'know - they're comfort characters so #But I couldn't touch a thought with them other than Scriabin being gentle and comforting Edgar it was extremely strange #Afterwards I was fine! But for a moment that's all I could handle so I gave it to Edgar lol #Lots of other silliness ♪ I actually really love clown motifs but only if they're Pierrot lol Pierrot is perfect! #And then the Gotchi stuff hhhhh <3 <3 Yes I know 32x32 isn't the correct resolution shhh look don't worry about it #I have since learned as I've delved deeper into the fixation lol - and I got myself an actual Devilgotch <3 <3 <3 I'm so excited about it < #Absolutely going to be thinking of Scriabin when it prank-beeps at me lol #Oh yeah and for Edgar swearing at Scriabin? I made an initial panel but it was a little too vague :P #It's You Can't Live Like This themed if that's any indication except Scriabin's being a self-destructive brat #So y'know - the usual lol #Finishing off with more silliness - it's been a very gentle last several months (other than the Nnyspam shh) lots of silly soft ideas :) #Cute things abound ♪

[milimeters-morales]

Peter B stepping into the spidey hq: oh cool i might see the kid again

Peter B seeing Miles is now nearly as tall as him and transitioned and is already holding May in his arms and sending pictures to his mom: ?

#peter is a bit suprised but it’s whatever because miles is still a bit annoying. hashtag ally #miles: A BABY !!! ^U^ / Peter: a girl??? #god miles loves to watch over may even though he gets anxious about it . big brother extreme #peter b parker #miles morales #spiderman #spider man #mayday parker #transfemme miles #m&m posts

[animalsandskyyy]

aaaaaaahhhh i just scheduled my two week notice email to my job for tomorrow morning aaaahhhh

#i’m sad #and anxious #and excited because I can do literally whatever I want with life #like 3 month apartment leases exist #if I get the work experience i’m hoping to with my next thing #I could get a remote job and go wherever I want #is that a bit idealistic?? YES BUT IDC BC I NEED HOPE lmao #like this was an extremely cool experience…. but it’s most definitely not for me lmao #don’t be a professional baker y’all…. don’t do it #I will absolutely miss the perks though #OH and the healthcare #FUCK I FORGOT ABT THAT #RIP to my health savings account #anyway #grace is dramatic

[cadmusfly]

the professor sent us an email asking if we were going to finish our presentation after I wrote a placeholder slide full of swear words to force my teammates to edit/finish it

whoops

on a definitely unrelated note i sure am thinking a lot about a grumpy dead frenchman who just wanted to get his job done for no reason in particular

#cadmus rambles #i yelled at someone to put their phone away and felt like i was channelling someone #i want to be a slacker! #i may be using ai to create pictures of extremely surreal glitchy dead frenchmen with intense metaphorical symbolism referring to history #as stress relief #though i'm too anxious to post them for reasons. #definitely too anxious to tag them if i do post them #anyway i should sleep tomorrow im doing public speaking and it's going to be fucked

[kitsvoidcorner]

After 4 previous attempts at romancing Moon in the Ai chats, dying by his hand one attempt and being forced to swim, float and sink till i die in another attempt, i finally got to romance him 🥺 teehee im jus that great

#kit speaking #SOBBING #FINALLYYY #unfortunately we figured out that ppl can be on the other end of the ai #rping as the character #and now im extremely anxious to talk w/ the Sun Ai Chat #even though i really really want to :(( #hgggggnnnnnn #Damn you anxiety!!

[shleemies]

Just did a T shot for the first time in years!! I was so brave!!! Used a bluey bandaid too :-)

#i started t in 2017 but after a few weeks i started having an allergic reaction to the cottonseed oil used in it #started getting it compounded with a grapeseed oil suspension and it was fine! until 2019 i moved cities #the new compounding pharmacy would only fill a 6 month supply. id previously been getting 2 month supplies. it was way more expensive #but i was able to get the 6 month supply #2 or so weeks in. the vial fucking fell and shattered. T is majorly regulated and i wasnt allowed a refill for 5 and a half months #when i was able to get back on T i opted for the topical and was on it for years #it was great it worked great #a couple of months ago though my ocd got extremely bad and the contamination aspect of the topical just got to be too much to deal with #so i stopped T for that reason and another reason i wont go into. not important or transition related but i had my reasons #tried to convince myself to start the topical again but when i tried i just got way too anxious wbout the contamination still soooo #i found out theres silicone sleeves online you can get for vials to prevent breakage if they fall so i got an appt with the clinic #told them about all my concerns and stuff #tried to get the pellet implant first but they said i have to go somewhere else for that #may or may not follow up on that #but they were able to prescribe me the sesame oil suspended T and stuff so i cant do shots again #reason i did compounding before was the sesame suspension was more expensive for me at that point #but now its way cheaper for me than the compounded T #so ya this is the context for why i wasnt doing shots for years but now am doing them again #suprisingly enough i had a needle phobia before starting T #but it subsided pretty quickly for the most part when i started and the needle aspect of it all was never a factor for stopping injections #just the price and risk of losing months of T in an instant #i dont have my silicone sleeve for the vial yet but its in the mail. rn my T is safe and sound in a jjk pencil bag :) #tw needles #just in case #didnt expect to write so much in the tags lol

[dredshirtroberts]

hey. hey universe. hey fucker universe.

no one said you could bring back the Wednesday Curse, bitch. fuck off with this shit i didn't need any of this first thing today.

#the Wednesday Curse is related to a span of about... almost 10 years of every single wednesday having something major go wrong #''major'' is a strong word but it would always feel big and afterwards would be when i would notice it was wednesday #it was a lot and i got very tired of it very quickly but it eventually stopped and i stopped noticing wednesdays #because they stopped being bad every single week #i would wake up on a wednesday bracing for whatever terrible news i would learn or whatever horrible thing would happen inevitably #and i stopped having to do that #my dreams lately have been absolutely horrific and last nights/this mornings was.... worse than usual in a way i wasn't anticipating that's #made me very very worried about a dear friend i can't easily reach out to and i'm doing my best at waiting patiently for a response #but it's hard and then the tire on the car exploded *again* so we're scrambling to figure out how to fix that and we've got a plan #and at least 3 butches on the job and it's going to be okay in the end but i have extreme car anxiety and tires going out is one of the mai #triggers for that and i'm just #i'm also still dealing with the tail end (hopefully) of an upper respiratory infection which makes all the crying i keep doing difficult #because i keep needing to hack my lungs out because breathing sucks rn even though i've had all my meds for it #and i'm just... it's just... anyway #i'm having a rough morning #but i am surrounded by people who are very lovely and care a lot and are willing and able to help with whatever they can #and that's helped a lot and it's just... i know i gotta wait patiently for resolution on things and i'm gonna do my best #to calm myself down and try to be less anxious but i'm only able to do that because of the love that surrounds me and it's a lot #it's all a lot and idk man #the spectre of my dad is doing his best to ruin it but he doesn't exist here in this space it's just a bad memory and no one is at fault

[arlo-venn]

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned, but we’ve been keeping Juni and Banjo separate from each other for the past several weeks due to an increase in fights (we think it’s from moving Arlo upstairs so it’s a weird transition period for them). They do still get to play outside in the yard together bc there aren’t any triggers out there for them, but inside they’ve been mostly apart and closely monitored. There is some resource guarding involved but mostly it’s that Juni gets pushed over threshold and then Banjo’s barking right next to her at the same trigger causes Juni to redirect toward her. Juni punctured Banjo AND Tyrell during the big fight that caused the separation (because Arlo passed by the other side of the door). They’re doing better though. We have long lines in the living room so we can all be in the same room together without them being able to reach each other (Not Arlo, none of them are ready for that), which seems to work for them.

Anyway, that’s why this picture is so cute. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen them laying together.

#if Tyrell wasn’t funding my survival then she could get a behaviorist for Juni #I feel bad about that #I think she’s considering anxiety meds #Juni is rarely anxious when it’s just me and her #I do not experience much anxiety #Tyrell is an anxious mess though 100% of the time and I think Juni really picks up on that #The difference in the dogs when I walk them vs when Tyrell does is extreme #well Banjo is the same no matter who’s walking her #but Juni and Arlo are both anxious walking with Tyrell but fine walking with me #i’m glad Juni and Banjo still get to see each other in the yard #they still love each other #they insist on being in the same room when home alone (Juni crated Banjo loose in same room #w door closed) #we tried keeping them in separate rooms when we’re away but then they both scream and scream and scream all day #Juni can’t get Banjo from inside her crate so it’s ok #plus I’m almost always home so I can hear if anything occurs #dogblr #Juni #banjo

[jorvikzelda]

cleaned my ENTIRE apartment today due to a situation I expected to arise. did the situation arise? no...

#but hey at least my apartment is clean #still do need to mop the floors but that's TOO much for a weekday lol #I've done absolutely nothing for school today (except my half hour class) but for once I also am not guilting myself about it #like. I went to the doctor about something I've been worried about for LITERALLY a year and it was fine #(though I did have a different issue thats potentially extremely concerning but they're calling me back for a checkup on that - #- in a couple months so until then I'm just not going to worry) #And then I cleaned. Made an important call. Sent an important text and an important email. And now I am so tired #think going to the doctor was mentally taxing #I've been extremely anxious about the issue I went there for so it's probably that tension like... letting go a little #also the doctor laughed at a joke I made #I got a good grade in going to the doctor.. something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve #z talks #not horse game #Anyway I am now going to make dinner that I planned and got groceries for weeks ago. Like some fucking adult.

[voidedjuice]

Grief and longing amplified over millennia

#inktober #inktober 2022 #oc #original character #my art #artists on tumblr #my artwork #drawing #traditional drawing #traditional art #i think ill name her rosalin?? or deirdre??? very much a work in progress still #ethel was so nice and easy to name. i just came across the name and immediately thought like yeah thats her #anyways uhh oc lore. right. like i promised. #an incredibly long time ago the woman she loved died tragically and she swore to protect her in her next life #currently she is going on next life number uh. a lot and things havent gone too well for her like ever #extremely tired and constantly anxious. her body covered in numerous scars from various sources #from trying to protecr her beloved to being attacked by her when things went especially badly #shes sort of hanging in there hoping for some scraos of affection from the latest reincarnation (ethel) #who thankfully does like her even though her lifestyle frequently causes her great worry #oh huh this got long #oc lore #oh yeah before i forgor she is also a vampire bc i have predictable tastes in oc creation

[crunchycrystals]

im not a fic writer but im kind of tempted to write something if only for the sole purpose of representing the ways people have to take care of curly hair bc every pjo fic i read doesnt talk about it

#i read maybe 1 that mentioned that curly hair isnt taken care of the way straight hair is but it never really depicted that #it actually showed her straightening her hair a lot even though that DAMAGES the hair but overall it was a good fic and easy to overlook #maybe shes doing stuff to counteract the damage idk #but like no one talks about the need for silk/ satin things to keep the curls intact #annabeth will just SLEEP on COTTON PILLOWS and it GIVES ME ANXIETY #she straight up sleeps on dirt in tlt it made me njkgsjhdjskds #like DUDE youre gonna have to wash that now #but that one fic that did mention it was something i read before i started taking care of my hair and it made me feel validated bc #it described annabeth's stepmom brushing her hair while it was dry and just it being extremely painful #and like yeah for years my mom forced a brush into my hair to make it “neat” while it was dry and it was torture #and it always looked worse!!!!!! and guess fucking what i was right youre not supposed to brush it dry #my mom wasnt intentionally hurting me but its good to feel validated #crunchyposts #pjo #fics #annabeth #<- unrebloggable for these tags this post is just for me #but like it makes me anxious when they just. dont factor in the fact that annabeth needs things when she sleeps and different shampoos etc

[fractallogic]

“I mistook rainy days for overcast days” when planning a trip to the PNW. In the fall. When you hope to see the sun for the eclipse.

Bless your heart

“Can you pick up eclipse glasses for [friend]?”

I mean I will try to remember to do so, but like, you’re asking me Wednesday evening when I’ve written off all need to have to track any down because we’re all grown-ass adults who can take care of themselves, and I also sent you the article about it last week, AND the partial eclipse is still visible for you if you weren’t coming here, so some places are apparently selling them!

#I am extremely grumpy today/this evening #so I recognize that I’m prickly about fucking everything #I would feel more charitable if it was the non-men coming #BUT!!! oh well!!! #the next two days I also have three back to back meetings to START the day which is my least favorite thing #(even though one of the meetings tomorrow is with scone) #(but I have to take it at work which he’s going to be a little whiny about but my dude that’s what happens #if you want to zoom at 9 PM Thursday saudi time) #and I’m feeling inadequate and shitty and lazy and stupid #so I’m anxious and that means I’m grumpy. and the weather sucks. #and my tummy hurts and I can’t trust my bowels #SOOOOOOOO I just. shouldn’t be talking to anyone right now #ugh

[jerma85]

i hate going out to places by myself because i feel such extreme guilt if i do, like i'm not allowed to spend money on something for myself. if i'm with someone, they at least distract me from the guilt especially if they're also buying something, that way i feel like it's a group thing i guess. man. i just want to get dinner but i feel like the second i walk out the door, i'm going to feel immense shame.

#this has happened a few times in the last few months #i go out and get something to eat or get boba or something by myself #and then i feel extremely guilty and anxious to the point i dont want to eat anymore #sometimes i force myself to eat anyway though :/ #i dont know why i feel so much guilt unless someone else is with me #im going insane #op

[ayakashibackstreet]

By the way, I just realised my Japanese teacher didn't assign me any homework for the weekend again?

#I guess I was so pathetic in class that she decided not to ajkghdkhkbjd #I had a minor breakdown and had to leave the classroom for a bit #she was very kind though #she put it on the fact that I'm the only student in the group so I have to do everything #I just ended up apologising for the whole ordeal because of course I did #I'm honestly still so ashamed of it that I might end up apologising on Monday again #I know that in part it's not my fault I literally have an anxiety disorder #but on the other hand I still inconvenienced her and interrupted the flow of the class #then again she'd already told me I tend to apologise too much #gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #it's hard when your favourite class is also the language class and you get extreme anxiety when speaking foreign languages #(that aren't English) #though I think yesterday was just... anxiety from the whole week piling up really #and me not being able to understand a newspaper headline was the straw that broke the camel's back #either way I will end up cementing myself in her head as 1) likes rabbits 2) likes pierogi 3) apologises for everything 4) gets very anxiou #with maybe an extra 5) stutters out a はい when asked whether he finished a task

[brainrotdotorg]

This is gonna sound weird but I miss having nightmares. I haven't had one since I was really young, and I actually miss it. I get anxious but I don't get scared anymore. I'm not scared of bugs, I am anxious about them. Sometime last year I realized this, I don't get scared. I get anxious. Because I tend to overcomplicate before the situation and then am fine during it. I do this with bugs to such an extent that I can't actually test the hypothesis fully but you get the jist? How the fuck do you spell jyst. Anyway. It's like, I could skydive. I would be 110% anxious every second up to and including the moment I jump out of the plane. But I know once I'm in the air I'd be fine. Probably because at that point you can't do anything about it but still. And I've realized that I haven't been scared of anything in a very long time. I've got my irrational fears but those only give anxiety and not genuine fear. And I miss it. And I think the only way to feel it again is a nightmare. But I just... don't get them. Maybe it's the sleeping meds I've been on for a year or two now but idk. I just miss being genuinely scared. I've been listening to the Magnus Archives before bed and I keep thinking "oo this episode has real nightmare material, I hope my brain latches onto it" but it doesn't. I'm pretty sure if I ever manage to actually touch a living bug my hypothesis will be thrown out the window because if I am genuinely scared of anything it is probably bugs, but until that point I'm gonna live under the assumption of my fear has been replaced by anxiety somehow - HM anon

This is fascinating actually I never considered this being a possibility. Like the elimination of fear. Completely respect your ability to test this theory by listening to scary stuff before bed in order to kickstart a nightmare like wow!!! If I could transfer my nightmares to you I would HM /affectionate. If that’s something you’re worried about I hope you are able to get a good scare in sometime if only just to feel how it feels

#I’m kind of the opposite though I do still get anxious #i used to be an extremely anxious and wound up person #like so horribly nervous and dreading everything #it was bad. like bad bad. like really bad #thankfully I’m not like that anymore #fear is probably one of my strongest emotional influences still lol #inverse stuff interesting #anyway. BOO #did I getcha