#thought i deleted that shit when u know i hate u lmao

[dancingdonatello]

HI ITS 🦆 ANON THE ONE WHO MADE AN AO3 CUZ OF YOU! AND YES I DID MEAN REQS I JUST CANT TYPE FOR SHIT 💀

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD DO LIKE VILLIAN!TURTLES HEADCANONS?

LIKE DONNIE AND MIKEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN RAISED BY DRAXUM, AND DRAXUM NUTURED DONNIES LOVE FOR SCIENCE OR SMTH AND MIKEY MYSTIC POWERS WERE TRAINED BY DRAXUM TOO

AND MAYBE LEO WAS RAISED BY BIG MAMA

IDK ABOUT RAPH BUT YEAH!

BASICALLY THEY'RE RAISED TO HATE HUMANS, BUT THEN AFTER MEETING/ENCOUNTERING Y/N THEIR PERSPECTVIE CHANGES (ATLEAST ON THE READER)

MAYBE LIKE WRITE ABOUT THEIR VEIW ON THE READER, AND MAYBE THEY INVITE THE READER OVER TO THEIR HOME, OR MAYBE EVEN TELLING THEIR VILLAIN PAERNTS THEY LIKE A HUMAN, OR ALL 3!!!-

IM SORRY I JUST GET SO HYPED SEEING YOUR WORK AND I HAVENT REQUESTED ANYTHING IN A WHILE AND I JUST SAW ONE OF YOUR POSTS AND STIMMING AND KICKING MY FEET AND OVERALL JUST AKSJDHKJFHFKJH

ANYWAY THX FOR TAKING TIME TO READ THIS AND TYPE IT IF YOU DO! FEEL FREE TO PUT THIS ON PAUSE OR JUST DELETE IT

MAKE SURE TO DRINKS LOTS OF WATER, AND EAT! AND CHECK WHAT TIME IT IS, DONT WANNA FUCK UP UR SLEEP SCHEDULE ANYMORE THAN IT IS LMAO!!!

AND STRETCH YOUR WRISTS BESTIE

🦆 anon @duckanon

<3 <3 luv u duck anon.

villain rise turtles x reader

You have something that Raph needs. He’s been tracking you for months and he knows that you have a piece of the armor he needs for the resurrection of the Shredder.

And he’s never been one for plans, so…

He breaks in through your window.

You scream and then he screams and you’re holding on with an impressive grip on the armor piece and….

And you’re…. you’re so… cute. He suddenly lets go of the glove and you go flying back, knocking your head against the wall. He lets out an eep and rushes over, cradling your head.

You look pretty freaked out at his change of heart and he doesn’t blame you.

How he’s going to explain this to the Foot Lieutenant and the Foot Brute, he has no idea.

They take your introduction pretty well. So do you, by how you actually willingly hand over the glove.

But… your reaction when you find out about the Shredder at the baseball game destroys any loyalty he has left for the Foot Clan. He can’t bear to see that terrified expression on your face when you look at him.

Leo may have snuck up to the part of the hotel Big Mama told him to stay away from. But how could she blame him? People watching was his favorite past time! Who better to watch than some stupid humans?

And when his eyes landed on you, he just knew he had to have you. He wouldn’t regret it even when Big Mama punished him. If he hadn’t have snuck up to the floors above ground, he wouldn’t never seen you.

And anyways, his was birthday was coming up… and Big Mama said he could have anything he wanted. He grinned to himself, deciding to sneak into your room that night to ‘introduce’ himself. He’d leave a sticky note and scare you. Just a little.

Big Mama adored you. She gave you all these clothes so that you could look as perfect as her and Leo. She used for entertainment for the other Yokai, even when Leo glared on with jealously.

Soon enough, she was going to get her hands on some mysterious green ooze from three other turtles that looked suspiciously like Leo. As long as Leo didn’t find out about it, you would be the perfect test subject. And wouldn’t it be so sweet to see a lover’s quarrel in the Battle Nexus? She giggles at the thought.

Donatello has been bugged by you for a while.

In one of his rare outings to New York, obviously not letting Draxum know, he had run into you. He had been trying to break into a tech store and then you had appeared behind him.

He broke your nose but he hadn’t been left i scratched.

Then he just kept running into you again and again. He was half inclined just to kill you, but he feels like it would annoy him more with how much effort that would be towards someone like you.

You were annoying and just as mean as he was to you. It irritated him whenever you came back with a comment just as sharp as what he gave you.

One day, in one of his complaining rants to Mikey, Draxum overheard. Even though Donnie denied that it, Draxum was convinced he had a crush on a pathetic human. So, he decided he would kill you. As if you were nothing. Just scum on the Earth. All so Donnie wouldn’t be ‘distracted’ any longer. By that he meant he just wanted Donnie to work insane hours so Draxum wouldn’t have to work as hard.

And Donnie… couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t let a single hair on you be injured.

There’s an angry turtle staring you down. Michelangelo and you had run into each other. One looking beat up and the other looking flabbergasted.

“You’re a… turtle?!”

Suddenly, you’re wrapped up in chains. That burnt badly.

“Ow!” you shriek and suddenly, just as quickly as they had come, they vanished. Big brown guilty eyes stare at you.

His face twitches before it turns disgusted. “Ugh. You smell disgusting.”

He was talking about the smell of your brunt skin. You glared at him angrily before seeing how bashed up he was. “What… happened to you?”

He was very reluctant to follow you home. And he kept asking you weird questions about other green turtles. Had you ever seen anyone that looked like him? Where? When? All these questions while you tried to stick a bandaid on him.

He also didn’t hold back on his mean comments about the human race. But as long as he sat still as you tried to rub the ash and debris off of him, you just let him talk.

Quickly, he warms up to you. It’s as if he never hated humans. He enjoys learning about everything you do and seeing all of what New York has to offer. He knows you can never meet Draxum. And even though he’s getting suspicious the more he leaves and the longer he’s out, Mikey continues to see you.

#rottmnt x reader #tmnt x reader #donatello x reader #rise leonardo x reader #leonardo x reader #rise tmnt x reader #rise donatello x reader #rise donnie x reader #raphael x reader #tmnt raphael x reader #tmnt michelangelo x reader #michelangelo x reader

[neopuppy]

omg wait wait i remember now!!😭 it wasnt u who posted the armpit one it was boybreed(i think u guys are mutuals? u had rly similar content so i got confused lol). this is a rly old screencap i somehow still have on my phone thank god i dont delete shit😍 i think they also mentioned something about how their astro sign related to all of this?💀

anyway i also kinda remember their hate anon to u but it's way less vivid in my mind😭😭

-haechans armpit anon who's not anon anymore cus i gotta send the pic😞

my messy ass will reply to this bc jcjsjdjxjxjjxc NOW I REMEMBER🤣

I defended boybreed here bc amorajae had been sending me anon hate bc of her friend who I have blocked

the tea: when I started gaining a little popularity on here these group of nct writers decided to come for me. first this girl sent me an ESSAY of a message blaming me for triggering her SA trauma bc y/n didn’t enjoy the sex with Jaemin in Hot Sauce pt3, and if I could re-write it to fix that because YOUNG READERS(pretty sure she said minors), could get the wrong idea abt what enjoyable sex should feel like💀😭

she said herself in the message that she saw it labeled dubcon and still chose to read knowing she wasn’t comfortable with that and when I apologized and asked how to better warn it she didnt give me an answer lmao, and continued to shade me for writing dubcon/noncon on her account along with her little minion group.

I actually told oomf about this experience recently and I too still have screenshots from these times😁 in case anyone wants to try me again bc I DID ask a few other nct writers to read Jaemin’s part and give me their thoughts after this and every one of them said it read exactly as I warned it💀

these group of little minions really gave me such a hard time back then, so when I saw that happening to boybreed I was like NOT COOL!!!!! like who the hell made anyone here the morality police that can dictate someones horny thoughts on their own account???🙄

I was rly quiet abt how those people used to pick on me back then bc I don’t like drama but now I’m like hey if u wanna bother me…..I’m going to make sure everyone!!!! knows it😤

#asks

[monzamash]

just don’t understand why u keep saying you’ve gone off daniel because of ‘what he said/did earlier in the season’ yet ur perfectly happy to write for lando who also made questionable comments idk just feels hypocritical. what made landos comments ok but daniels so horrid lol it makes no sense 👍 if u want to be a daniel hater just come out and say it instead of being all coy about it and pretending like ur not being weird about it cause u say u won’t write for him and then u update ur layout and put up a picture of it lmao so which is it

i don’t know if this is the same anon that’s been sending me shit every second day for months about this - i’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say it’s not because of the way you’ve typed this out but the message is still the same and this is the last straw.

i don’t hate daniel. if you look at my last post i said that he’s a big part of why i fell in love with f1. he was also the reason i started this blog so just because i’m not writing for him now, doesn’t mean i hate him. it’s not as black and white for me as it seems to be for you.

writing doesn’t define my blog - its something i do when i feel like it and most of the time i’m either chatting with you guys on here or supporting other writers. it was a fun escape but lately it’s been the opposite of that.

people may not like this but in my opinion daniels comments were significantly more damaging than landos vague response to a question that nobody could factually corroborate. i don’t think i’m alone in thinking that. daniel straight up said the one thing i personally hate the most when someone’s defending an abuser which is, “well [insert name] has always been good to me so…” that’s what upset me the most and now i have no desire to write for him. that is simply how i feel and if you don’t agree/understand, it’s all good. try and find other blogs who do share your views. makes life a lot easier.

anyway, did daniels comments make me want to erase every trace of him from my blog? no but i made it clear that i wouldn’t be writing for him for the foreseeable future and if anything changed, i would give people the heads up. what i absolutely won’t be doing is caving in to bullies who hide behind a shadow on the fucking internet who say i that i should delete my blog and myself while i’m at it.

so the context of why i made a header with daniel in it was that i thought including him would allow people the chance to bounce if they don’t want to read any daniel fics or interact with a blog that had a lot of daniel content in the past - people hate him and have made sure to tell me how fucked i am to still have his fics in my masterlist. thats the sort of hate that really gets to me because i’m so proud of some of those fics and spent a lot of time on them. that’s one reason why I won’t ever delete them but it’s also because there are daniel fans out there who hopefully feel like they can still interact with me even if we don’t share the exact same opinion. i don’t want that to change.

another thing to note is that this header was up for like two seconds and the fact you saw it must mean you’re just stalking my page? are you checking in to call me out the second i do something wrong? and you think i’m weird? alright lol

lastly, saying i’m being coy and weird isn’t fair - i’ve been honest about where i stand and even when i’ve been unsure, i was still being upfront and owning the fact that i didn’t know what direction this blog would take after all that. so if what i’ve said in this post or in the past isn’t enough for you, then just leave please. literally leave me alone because i don’t want to do this anymore.

#monzamail

[iulianfawcett]

YIPE finally a game that i’m actually ‼️‼️‼️ about. @nickclose tagged me to do a book ask(?) game OFC i’m doing this one

book that pleasantly surprised you: the maid by nita prose!! i don’t remember much of what i thought of it before reading it or reallt after finishing it but i do vividly remember finishing it and closing it and being SO happy bc i liked it so much more than i thought i would. there was one kind of romantic subplot i wasn’t a huge fan of but it was easy to ignore. i should reread it i don’t remember much of it ough……

book that disappointed you: milk fed by melissa broder. i can genuinely say i hate that book. i used to have goodreads (deleted it) and it was the only book i actually left a review on bc it sucked so much. like all the reviews i saw before reading it were good they were like this is such a profound and funny and well-written book but then i just. it finished it and it absolutely drained my soul of any will to live. if THAT book can get published any book can get published i stg. i don’t even care about being brief about my hatred for that book here it is so fuckinh surface-level in its exploration of disordered eating and toxic mother-daughter relationships and queerness and religion. saying there’s ANY exploration in any way gives it too much credit. the character of. i don’t even remember her name she was so unmemorable. the ‘romantic’ interest was so one-dimensional. we learned basically nothing about her other than the fact that she’s jewish and fat and the narrator really fucking fetishizes that to the point that the interest isn’t even a fucking person which is just FANTASTIC storytelling when she’s supposed to be falling in love with her. then the entire second half of the book is just really shit lesbian erotica (if you can even call it that). the scenes weren’t even shit in like the way erotica written by men is shit. genuinely every chapter was like 2 pages and so the sex scenes were just like. ‘i licked her clit then fingered her then she came.’ i’m hardly exaggerating it was the least sexy shit i’ve ever read. it’s just so fuckinh shit from front to back it made me want to claw my own eyes rather than finish it.

current read: the master and margarita by mikhail bulgakov! it’s taken me a while to get through bc i’ve just been lazy but oh my godd it’s a lot of fun and insane and it’s kind of making me lose my mind it’s very good

top 2 books on your tbr: the idiot by elif batuman and before she disappeared by lisa gardner i’m very excited to read them

rec a book to the person that tagged you: oughhh uhhh. i mean i will ALWAYS recommend eileen by ottessa moshfegh (the book of all time) but i think i recall you saying you’ve read it before. i do know you like russian lit so lmao probably the master and margarita (if you haven’t read it yet) it’s fucking insane like i said but its sm fun and it’s really making me want to read more russian lit hehe

tagging @noburden @youngestdaughtersyndrome @nolouisprotested @relaymp3 @nobodysgf and i’m gonna pspspsps betsy come hereeee @indigogirled i miss you. idc if the last thing u guys read was the very hungry caterpillar in 2008 i wanna hear about it.

#idec if the ppl i tag aren’t Readers i’m not just gonna do the ‘tagging anyone who wants to do it’ thing #en

[calxide]

ABYSSAL LOVE ☆ ROUGH DRAFTS

these are the things that never saw the light of the day didn't made it in the story's final line-up. contains major spoilers !! also this is vv cringe and this is just me rambling

let's start off easy. they were originally supposed to be in highschool because i wanted scaramouche to be that 16 he/him typa guy on twt but i scratched that idea because it's stupid.

friend groups: ever wonder why y/n's friend group was named "explosive hoes"? that's because yoimiya (yoimiya, hu tao, and xiangling were all pyro characters so... ygwim??) was supposed to be included in their friend group but it was already big enough so i... kicked her out :((

the main conflict was supposed to be the miscommunication trope but i actually hate miscommunication and couldn't bear to write it (although, i will be doing that for my next smau/s) so i settled for the one you've read

scara and y/n were supposed to date then break up bc of a certain miscommunication/misunderstanding (i already considered the fatui high prob at that time but still) but i wasn't sure on how to execute it properly.

second lead — top contender *drum rolls* A L B E D O. i considered it, yk, i considered it but i scratched that idea because NOT EVERY FANFIC NEEDS A SECOND LEAD ig AND I'M GOING TO BE GIVING A CERTAIN CHARACTER THE SECOND LEAD SYNDROME IN MY KAZUHA SMAU (no, it's not albedo) but actually, its bc albedo was supposed to comfort y/n after the breakup with scara (yuck cringe ik) but i wanted the conflict to focus between scara and yn only so . . the idea was t r a s h e d

“WHAT WAS THAT AETHER X KAZUHA AND WHY DIDN'T THEY END UP TOGETHER?” ok, first of all, that was a last minute addition. i didn't made them end up together J U S T B E C A U S E. ok?? ok

the party childe held was also a last minute addition but i'm glad i wrote that lmao

also... have i ever mentioned that i didn't really thought of a title and i was playing spiral abyss atm so i thought, " why not a b y s s a l l o v e " yeah im p much stupid lol

i didn't even thought of this smau at all like ?? hellaur i don't even know how i finished this. but dw, i'm will be planning my next(?) smau veryyyy well because i will be hurting all of you with my kazuha smau.

i think that's all? not much rlly. here are my notes when writing abyssal love and yes they are very messy but i thought i should share them with all of you !

also dyk that i didn't even plot this shit because i didn't bother but like i said i'll do better on my next one mwa

after rereading my notes i am now shy and embarrassed but i will still post them here so i can delete them already. 🤩 also don't mind the small details like, "the sun rose" etc etc because that's just one of my way to piss myself of then actually write 'em properly Σ(Ｔ▽Ｔ;)

i never bothered updating the gdocs bc i was too lazy. and, i deleted some of my notes for the chapter outlines already because i might run out of storage :') yes i use very small fonts . . sorry

warnings: c r i n g e , the words "idk", "ok", and "listen" were used A LOT. i also forgot to remove the thingy that crosses them out whoops

#◇ーsmau: abyssal love #🧪ー calx's experiments #i sAiD tOo mUCh... #pls ignore my stupid ugly messy notes 🙏

[boxwinebaddie]

girl you’re so right with the nsfw headcannons u posted earlier i loved them

plEASE!!! i love you, thank you!!!! i literally thought i was going to have to delete them five minutes after posting them in shame and gaslight all of you into thinking that they were a figment of ur imaginations, but you all seemed to really like them which!!! aaaa!!! i am still writing the more for fun, random nsfw meme w/ way less Lore attached to it

BUT because i am impatient/don't know when i'm gonna finally finish, you guys were all angels and i am allergic to not sharing things: you can have my favorite random little nsfwish hc under the cut which i honestly just thought was cute tbh. :)

live laugh love ravesey world domination...Literally if ur kyle, lmao. <3

-pastes sh*t straight from my post bc i'm lazy lmao-

-so raven is my fruity edgy boy jewelry king and jersey does make fun of him 25/8 for being a walking hot topic accessory display case btw, ( which like, kyles,...baby...please do not pretend like u didn't just spend half the current word count on my fanfiction wanting to hook urself on a certain sexc rockstar boys tacky hot topic display case skeleton hand lip ring like a goddamn fish smh ) esp. The Choker,

which...okay, sidebar, but before they were happily #hating and jersey kyle actively thought he 'hated' ravenstan, one time our punk rock prince was giving poor kyle what i like to call the Risque Raven Runaround, which is super effective, and in fight or flight response to getting flirted with/majorly sexually frustrated by said rockstar boy...

kyle stepped up to him, ran his nail across stans neck with aching slowness and basically threatened to 'replace that tacky too tight velvet vampire dog collar with my hand' if u keep talking shit, which was all bark no bite obviously, an empty threat/a joke, but uhhhh? the Crazy SOUND tht ravenstan made...kyle was like eXCUSE ME??? plZ

my whole fic is jersey insulting raven and him being like damn thats crazy u hate me...i also hate me...do u want to Make Out about it???

anyways! so i really don't think they fight, like, ever, they are so in luv, but very early into them #hating, kyle, who i will say that despite being the hottest most scrumdidilyumpious bad as hell man on planet earth, did display real human emotion ( surprisingly ) and got hella insecure and jealous about stans fans not respecting their relationship and a bunch of dumb tabloids saying theyre prolly Not Really Dating bc why would a celebrity settle for 'some guy'? which...

i want u to know that kyle calling himself Some Guy unlocked something extremely visceral in ravenstan because he showed up to his next show...w/ a tiny silver K charm on the iconic raven choker ;)

wHICH WAS HIS LITTLE EMO GOTH BOY VERSION OF WHEN GIRLS PUT THEIR BOYFRIENDS INITIAL ON A NECKLACE EXCEPT KIND OF HOTTER TBH HE ATE THAT LIKE HELLO?? STAN?? wHEW

kyle...ironically...was Gagged, he was sweatin oh my GOD, he was like Come Home RN sakhdlksahd and i would just like u All to know that

...the sexy velvet eboy k charm choker Does stay on during sex. <3

( which, ok tbh, guilty as sexually charged, ravesey are an i'm yours, you're mine possessive couple, but not in a scary toxic way, just in a mutually obsessed with each other, Everyone Fuck Off kinda way

so...Cute :') sahdlksahdlsad am...i delusional? )

buuuut, okay bonus because i love to laugh [ this is unhinged ]:

- i also want to say that jerseykyle knows not to be intimidated by ravens little dawn spawn minions trying to flame him on social media & shit but that does not stop him from saying out of pocket shit like

yeah!!! well just remember that while you're screaming his name at ur stupid concert, in a couple hours he'll be at home screaming Mine xx

wHIHDSIHDIHDDSLNKD AAAAA KYLEEEE!!!!!! jail jail jail stan was like kYLE!!!! OH MY GOD in the comments and kyle said See ;)

HEEEEELPSHDKLHDL

listen y'all...jersey kyle may be the villian, but he is MY hero, babey. <3

-toxic yaoi ceo uncle nina

#thank u for the love on my usfw hcs u guys were so real that lore was important and meant a lot to me #it also contradicts my normal style hcs so my brain was like shortcircuting when i was figuring their dynamic out #which is iconic i gotta say #nina stop posting weird little #N/S/F/W #headstannons and shit but also I AM LOWKEY OBSESSED W THIS ONE LIKE RAVEN WAS CUTE FOR THAT #my man is loyal with a capital l wearing the k necklace like ravenstanley marsh was a one man man out the gate #everyone and their mom threw themselves at rockstar stan and he was unphased like he was like I Am Spoken For #this nonexistent ass belongs to kyle matthew broflovski #AND MAD RESPECT TO HIM I TOO WOULD BE LIKE IF LOST PLEASE RETURN TO THE BADDEST MAN IN THE WORLD BB #ravenstan and jerseykyle are lightly hades persephone coded #but in an also not toxic like flowery writer girl metaphor way #but yeah ravenstan do be walking around in the kyley b k emo boy choker which i think is very sexc of him like go off king #kyle really was like i need u to come home rn so i can do crazy down horrendous things to u in the choker w my initial on it #ravesey world domination everyone...but literally #ALSO I AM OBSESSED W JERSEY KYLE THAT MAN IS RUTHLESS HE DOES NOT GIVE A SINGLE FUCK #HE IS UNHINGED ON SOCIAL MEDIA #LIKE THAT WAS SO OUT OF POCKET BUT HE WAS RIGHT LIKE WHERE WAS THE LIE STAN COULDNT EVEN ARGUE #I JUST KNOW THAT SCREENSHOT WENT VIRAL #if any1 even breathes near him wrong abt stan hes like #keep talking shit sweetheart bc ur wearing my sbfs teeshirt and hes wearing my initial around his neck <3 cry and cope :) #which is funny bc kyle seems really jealous but if anyone breathes Right near stan about KYLE??? OOOOOOF DUDE!! #he is in kyles lap kissing him all over the place like ooh babe whos ur friend? hi nice to meet u I'm Raven of Crimson Dawn :) #FUCKING BRUTAL LIKE OH MY GOD #STAN rELAAAAAAAAAAAX #-wheezes- i love...my sons...sm

[swine-grl]

k so long time so see ig lmao . basically i’m tryna recover…but my issue is that school starts up again next month . man idk how imma NOT relapse when first sem starts . even now i’m havin a hard time jus thinkin ab it . i’ve been doin SO GOOD too . like, tryna eat more, eatin when i’m hungry, tryna gain w8 . but i’ve had a lotta body thoughts still . both positive n negative . n it’s jus so rough, cuz i rlly don’t think i’ll b able to resist a relapse atp . i’m tryna get a job by the start of first sem so i can do that after school n on weekends, n i can do wtvr homework while there . for context, i’m tryna find a job as a nanny or pet sitter . ik i’m literally preparing to overwork myself rn, but it feels like i have to . the only way i’ll b successful is if i put myself into a “u gotta work now now now” mindset almost 24/7 . ik it’s a coping skill, but it’s the only thing that works for me 💀 been doin this shit since i was a kid, n it seems to b the only way i can get myself to do difficult things . [for example, i used to pretend i was a cat who caught prey so i could eat ribs for dinner as a little kid cuz i don’t like ribs 😭] basically larpin my way thru life 😭😭 i alr know imma relapse tho . n ik it’s gonna b soon . ughhhhhh . it sounds sp pleasant rn n i hate that . i don’t think i’m even 100lb yet n i’m alr tryna tap out 💀 oml . i don’t even know my exact lw cuz i started to eat more n then decided to recover w/o even checkin my w8 😭 ik it was around 90lb n when i think ab that i wanna lose more . i wanna at least hit my og ugw, which is 75lb . that was back when i was 14 . weird ash to think ab . but the good thing is that i’m taller nowww, so i’d b skinnier lmao . my lw since the start of my ed is 85lb so i wanna hit that too . grrrrrrrrr . NONONONO i can’t lose my boobs again 💔 buttttt idk . idk what to do man . part of me rlly wants to hit my og ugw or at the v least my lw, but the other part of me jus doesn’t wanna lose my boobs 💀 help bro plssssss 🙏🙏 also if u don’t recognize my acc thas cuz i deleted everything n redid my profile . probs gonna mess around w it for a bit tbh . kept my user tho ofc lmao

anyways, thas all got now i think . jus kinda thinkin out loud n askin for advice . basically should i try n hot my og ugw or nah ? [help]

#food problems #r3striction #i wanna be tiny #i wanna lose weight #i wanna be weightless #anorex14 #tw ana diary #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #ed not sheeren #tw disordered eating #ed bllog #ed not sherran #ed not ed sheeran #@na vent #@n0r3xia #@nor3×14 #@nor3xia #@tw edd #@na trigger

[ipoddymouth]

Wait bestie I want to know your thots on the matty healy being problematic thing he’s said a lot of weird/offensive stuff for sure but apparently some of that stuff is supposed to be satirical/ he’s an edge lord or whatever like the n*zi salute thing he did and it’s not a good thing to do no matter the context but I feel like it’s probably more harmful to call him a n*zi when he isn’t actually one it’s probably better to call that action antisemitic than a whole n*zi no?

wait gjargigjag you just basically summarized my thoughts but imma ramble more under the cut

i dont think matty is actually, truly, deep in his core racist or a n*zi (i'm also p sure he's given enough interviews explaining himself and his political ideologies bc he's annoying and never shuts the fuck up) BUT he also does say a bunch of shit on the side that doesn't help his case.

i think intent is a big issue in society in general bc it's like 'are you saying this shit to be funny? or are you saying this shit to be mean?' and people don't ask that question anymore. i remember when ariana dated pete and he made that joke about manchester and people were like 'he's disrespecting the dead!!' and, like, i can defs see where people are coming from for sure, and i can also see why he was like ???? in response to the backlash because his attention clearly wasnt to offend.

i will not lie and will fully admit that i am SENSITIVE lmao and there are some jokes in standup sets that i will straight up 😐 during bc i cannot separate the words from intent sometimes but im not going to say bill burr is a rape apologist or whatever because i sit and watch my silly lil 'offensive' robot chicken episodes without batting an eye. the problem with humor is that there will always be a faction that makes certain people uncomfortable. and that's okay!!!! not all of us (me included) need to watch cumtown or red scare because we will not find it funny!!! there's one drag queen who's yt videos my boyfriend cant watch bc he thinks she comes across mean even though i think the jokes hit!!!!

and to your second point i agreeeee like im black and grew up in a p white area so obviously people have said some SHIT to me, but that means you have to learn how to distinguish between someone being intentionally racist or someone being ignorant. i think matty says shit he thinks is funny because he's trying to be funny but the jokes themselves don't hit and just come across as....bizarre? rude??? multiple -ists???? but then he tries to explain himself and people (strangers to him) are either like 'fuck u this isnt sincere' or are just like 'but youre still wrong and horrible' and he just gets frustrated and deletes his socials in a lil baby fit gjlragjaglgj. and not to be a white apologist lmao BUT i kinda do understand why people turn to that 'anti-woke ideology' bc if every time i said something with poor phrasing and someone i didn't know called me a racist n*zi i'd probs go ape shit too.

there are real, actual n*zis like in real life who are actually trying to hurt people and people are pulling out all of their big gun ultra-bad labels for some scrawny boy band dude???? like what are we supposed to call the actual n*zis???????? like i l i t e r a l l y have seen a neo-n*zi rally down the street from my HOUSE and thats fucking TERRIFYING and they're just snatching up more people because of all of the culture wars bullshit

[but like to note im not saying that people need to be forgiving and understanding every time someone says something that pisses them off. some people need to be yelled at!!! they need to know they are wrong!!!! people should just be aware of the impact their words have. matty's words have made A LOT of people straight up hate him, but at the same time, some people have probably seen matty get called a n*zi and are now like 👀 bc the bar to being considered h*tler seems kinda low.]

anyway tl;dr racism is a spectrum, words have meaning, and we don't know these people. but if matty really is a racist and im wrong then i hope he chokes!!!

ALSO i am an adult and am not in the business of defending other adults so like im not gonna argue with someone if they think matty is racist. i am not doing dirty hit pr for FREE

#didnt edit a single word of this so i hope it makes sense gjrlagjg #also if you tell me matty is racist im not gonna argue with you glajglge #like go ahead and think that! #i dont know that man!! im not gonna bend over backwards for him!! #anyway thank you for letting me hit you with a #poddyrants #matty healy #taylor swift

[lolexjpg]

1, 22, 29 :) ?

thank u dear ❤️

1. the last sentence you wrote

Marcus always makes him feel like this; out of control.

(from the callum/marcus wip--still very early on might tweak or delete in final version whos to say~)

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

I do! When i first started writing hetfic i had so so much anxiety abt how it would be perceived. It's not everyone's cup of tea and that's fine, but there's all sorts of opinions on the "acceptable" ways or reasons to write girlfic. overall its been a part of a more overarching life goal of trying to care less of what strangers think of me, that if you're gonna jump to negative assumptions about me because i write girlfic/hetfic then i wouldn't wanna know you anyway?

i ALSO think that actually posting hetfic and getting a positive response was a big help to all these worries! my m/m fics do get more hits/kudos but that's ok~ writing only for what other people want isn't healthy and i'm gonna keep writing hetfic if thats what my lil heart desires!! and it helps knowing i do have an audience who wants to read the m/f stuff i write 💖💖

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

I usually take so long to finish fics that I have plenty of time to come up with a title, summary, etc. The only outlier to this is ninety-two thousandths, which had a crazy short turnaround from started to published. I still don't hate the title, it's just nothing special. I also find that for pwp fics I care less abt having a special title? I just give it way less thought because we all know we're all here for the porn anyway lmao.

the only one i remember struggling w/ is acosi but that took me literally 8-9 months so i had time. i do have this fun lil note from my private writing discord where i always write shit down so i dont forget it, so having that memento is cute

right now i am struggling to title the lesbian!gax fic, but knowing me i have so much time to think about it 😂😂

#ask #thank u for ur patience ily!!!!! #i always have to much to say. the desire to yap never escapes me #crozierahegao #ask game #she writes

[sacredpit]

🍋 🍉 🍓 🍆 🥒 🌶 [ 😘 ily Eli ]

munday questions .

🍋 :   does your muse complain about things to you ??   if so ,   what ??

answered here !! 

🍉 :   if you considered a time travel thread ,   when   would your muse go ??

i could see kak being extremely wary of time travel not only because he’s seen back to the future several times but because much of the stuff he went through in his life he later came to the realization that he sort of had to go through it to become the person he is now. as much as a history nerd as he is, i don’t see him wanting to visit antiquity because he wouldn’t want to fuck anything up for like the entire human race or risk getting stuck there somehow lol. it would kind of be sweet if like p4 kak could go back & visit pre-p3 kak & tell him that he’s gonna make it through all the dark & ugly shit & also meet his best friends & marry the hottest guy ever but he’d only do that if it was a no-stakes thing i.e. there was no chance of the present or future getting screwed up, if that makes sense.

🍓:   what’s your sweetest rp experience so far ??

i’ve been part of the tumblr rpc for so long at this point i genuinely do not know but i can tell you the sweetest thing that’s happened to me in the rpc within the last couple of years. on my old old blog (not to be confused with my old blog) i basically made a vent post where i was like feeling super insecure & was like omg everyone hates me i’m a flop & i was like fully expecting everyone to just ignore it & i would delete it the next day like nothing happened bc u know it just be like that sometimes but i came back like an hour later & so many of my mutuals left the kindest most thoughtful shit in the replies like i actually cried it was so genuinely kind & though the jojo rpc was a hellscape at that time, i really felt like welcomed & valued & i still think about it to this day tbh vhjdvhfdfhj though i still go through times where i just feel invisible or like i don’t matter, when i think of that it’s like +10 serotonin boost lmao

🍆 :    how much sin appears on your dash every day ??

not a lot, actually!! which may be surprising since i only interact with other 21+ muns but like half the time when there’s sm*t on my dash ....... i’m the one writing it JFVBHJDJKSFBJFHD

🥒 :   are you thinking about reviving old muses ??   who ??

that’s only like the entire concept of the multi i’m making fbhvfbhjbhjfjffvhjf though there are a lot of muses there i’ve been wanting to write but haven’t gotten around to yet, some of the ones that are coming back are risotto (wrote him briefly in 2020 before i had to disappear for personal reasons), giorno (haven’t decided if he’ll be on the multi yet or if i’ll revamp his separate blog but regardless he’s coming back too), my ygo muses from like 2019-early 2020, erwin from aot/snk who i wrote waaaaaaay back in 2013 & then briefly brought back in like 2016-17 i wanna say, some of my sailor moon muses from my old multi from like early-mid 2020, hwoarang who is another old school muse of mine who i tried to revive briefly as you know lmao, & i think that’s it for now??? i’ve been playing with the idea of putting my kh muses on there too but i don’t want it to get like too ridiculous dfgvhfjbfdbdjv who knows tho lmao

🌶 :   do you find your muse attractive ??

of course lmao kak is gorgeous & anyone who disagrees is just wrong & also homophobic because i said so 

#【 * 🍒 教皇 › ❛ 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗲𝗼𝘂𝘀 / out of character . 】 #i love u too sugar plum!!!!!!!

[mvrderhoe]

it's so rare that someone actually tries to fuck me over but like.... babe I'm unhinged. I will literally destroy everything about ur life that u love and leave you a broken shell. I always have receipts, its such a bad idea to try me its almost funny. I caught u cheating in 4k. I have video, texts and audio that can blow up your relationship and get u arrested. It is out of respect for one person who is very dear to me that I keep these things to myself. but now you hurt them? fuck them over? truly a tragic mistake for you.

#like #fuck around and find out i guess #if thats what u want #people always mistake my kindness for weakness #like no #im kind because you are weak and i am evil #i will ruin u and not lose a single moment of peace #truly its giving i dont love myself and i want to be destoyed type energy #why else would u do this?? #like U KNOW I HAVE U ON VIDEO #thought i deleted that shit when u know i hate u lmao #ur boo just as culpable so i dont feel bad fucking their shit all the way up either

[orange-waterfalls]

I Call This One: Bold & Brash!

The egos x artist! gn! reader

ty @pokemonpunqueen for the request!

A/N: I’ve decided that I’m gonna write for the egos when I can’t think of anything else or I need practice writing lmao. I mean I was doing that before? But I didn’t know it? listen it’s fine it’ll be fine but FOR NOW I thiiiink I’m gonna take requests. Just a few. I’ll stop when I think it gets too much. This is exactly what it says. I focused on like drawing/painting for “artist”, with some references to animation thrown in there. I did Darkiplier, Wilford, Yancy, Illinois, Google, Eric, and a Host thrown in there bc I love him and I miss him

Word count is 1.5k

Enjoy

Egos x artist!reader

Darkiplier

He’ll want to commission art from you

He makes comments about how Mark is a narcissist but also he’s a narcissist.

Oh look, Dark’s asking you for another picture. What does he want? He wants you to draw him? Again? For the fifth time this fucking month? Wonderful.

He likes looking at how you make art of him, be it stylistic or realistic

He will hang them up all over the fucking house so pace yourself

He’s fine if you draw anybody else

Except Mark. Never Mark. How can he tell, you ask? No fucking clue, but he does

Gets a bit worried that you won’t make enough money to live comfortably

Just because not everyone needs a fucking MANSION-

Will always buy things for you if you ask

Likes to be able to support your job or hobby

Sugar daddy? I mean maybe

Makes sure you eat, sleep, drink water, survive--

Leaves snacks for you at your desk for when you don’t want a meal.

Carries you to bed if you fall asleep at a desk

Recommends you wear comfy clothes at all times so you can fall asleep wherever

A bit of an enabler, he’s doing his best tho

If you take commissions don’t be surprised if he threatens to kill someone when they don’t pay or are rude to you

He loves you, that’s all

Wilford

Fucking elated

Draw him!!! Please!!!! Please draw him!!!!! He has coin!!!!! He can pay!!!!!

Ecstatic if you actually draw him like he’ll giggle for an hour straight just looking

Secretly commissions more art from you

So also sugar daddy

It’s always something so obvious so you know it’s him anyways

He likes bright colors and eyestrain for some reason

If you make that, he just. Stares at it. Unblinking. You have to snap him out of it (im not projecting what do you mean)

Gets extremely worried about you not taking care of yourself

Gets someone to fucking babysit you when he’s gone so you take care of yourself

When you get greatly offended by this he settles for texting you reminders

And when you ignore those he texts more

Don’t be surprised if you get spammed by several people and an alarm starts to play from somewhere in the house

You’re gonna be healthy whether you like it or not, asshole

Drags you to bed aggressively

He WILL NOT drug your food with melatonin because that’s illegal. B U T-

He’s a little confused, but he got the spirit

Will advertise your art to anyone and everyone and also on his show and threatens the audience with a gun

AGAIN, a little confused. he just wuvs u so much 

Yancy

I mean technically he’s kind of an artist too so he appreciates your skill and creativity

He’s very nosy and likes to look over your shoulder while you work

If you don’t like him doing that, he still does it, just more secretively

Likes to work in the same room as you. 

That is if you don’t mind constant singing or tap dancing in the background

He shows off your art to anyone and everyone and gets mad if they don’t immediately say it’s fantastic

May or may not have stabbed someone over it, you’ll never know

If you show him something you’re working on, he’ll show you something he’s working on in return

The law of equivalent exchange

You tell him you can make MONEY from things like art and dancing and he goes apeshit he gets so fucking excited

If you’re like an animator and offer to animate his dancing he might actually cry

He’ll deny it constantly every day until he dies

If you make things traditionally he hangs them on the wall Everywhere

You might run out of room

By which i mean you will run out of room as soon as possible

Will never tell you a drawing is bad ever unless it’s like Really Bad which it never will be in his eyes

He loves anything and everything you do u are so precious

You have a permanent support system within the man

Google

Used to see art as pointless

Then comprehended the chemical release it causes in the brain and thought that was fine

Then saw you get really mad with something you were working on and got confused again?

If art no make good chemical, why art?

He still doesn’t understand, but that’s ok

You tried to get him to make something once

He just. Kinda. Made a buncha ones and zeroes

You still framed it and hung in on the wall and he got embarrassed

If he could blush, he would

If you draw him he looks like he doesn’t care but it’s at that point he decides he would die for you

Primary objective: answer questions as quickly as possible. Secondary objective: make u happy. Tertiary objective is to destroy mankind

If you draw bing that will disappear IMMEDIATELY you have BETRAYED him

If you ask for a color palette recommendation he Always says the google colors. Always.

You might’ve thought he was going for an rgby type of thing. But then you realize.

He is in charge of your financing. He will tell you the most efficient ways to make money as an artist and you follow then

He is also in charge of making sure you FUCKING EAT A MEAL

“But isn’t an objective to destroy mankind?” shut up he’s not happy about it either

Despite his best efforts he loves you and that ain’t gonna change

Illinois

Doesn’t fully understand

He needs to be outside at all times and cannot stay in one place

And you’re like??? Required to stay still???? For prolonged amounts of time????? Disgusting. Anyway, whatcha workin’ on?

He might ask you to try and teach him

If you do try he gives up almost immediately

Sometimes you just get so into it that you forget to do basic things and he gets upset

(i.e. eating, sleeping, living, etc.)

He gets worried about you

He is a hypocrite bc he does the same

He will drag you to bed, motherfucker

Honestly he might lock your shit somewhere until you fucking take care of yourself. it’s like a hostage situation god

“Where the fuck did you put it” “I have no clue what you mean. I might know if you eat your dinner, though”

Asshole (affectionate)

Sometimes you like make faces when you try to draw a person and it’s hilarious and cute to him

He looks at your drawings the moment you walk away but acts like he doesn’t care

He cares a lot

Will support you no matter what but will also tell you without hesitation if he thinks something looks shit

Listen he’s out of line but he’s right

Eric

Loves you a lot and will support anything and everything you choose to do or make

Drawing? Awesome! Painting? Wonderful! Animation? Superb!

He often wants to buy you supplies or something but he does not know what anything is

Fuck is a chalk pencil???? What are gel pens vs normal pens?????? Watercolor????? What the fuck are you saying??????????

Will subtly drop hints that you could,,,, draw him,,,,, maybe,,,,, if u wanna 

And by subtly I mean he starts to ask and then starts crying

If you draw him he will cry again he loves u so much 

If he ever were to get a tattoo it’d be something u drew. Nothing else is as important to him at the moment

He enjoys photography and film, and likes to try and bond with you over artistic things

I mean. Some things overlap.

You could talk about a single drawing for hours and he’d listen intently the whole time

Don’t ask him for feedback, it’s always some version of “it’s perfect and I love you”

Even if he hates it

Which,,,,, he might hate it sometimes

He’s not a good reviewer. 2/10, very biased

He likes to take photos when you’re in the zone

If you tell him to delete them he will

While secretly making one his home screen

Host

Hey, he gets it

He writes, he understands the hyperfocus

Sometimes he wouldn’t move from his chair for a day because he was busy writing a script

That being said, you probably have to be the one to get him to take care of himself

Or you have to take turns

Otherwise you’re both gonna fucking die

He asks you to describe your art to him and tries to picture it.

He’ll tell you if he thinks it probably looks good or bad

You shouldn’t take it to heart because he can’t see it

He is a bastard sometimes

“Well, what do you think?” “I think it looks fantastic” “Thanks, babe” “...” “... you think you’re fucking funny, don’t you”

He asks if you can draw him sometimes

No, he won’t see it, but he’ll appreciate the sentiment if you do

He will ask for your opinion on his scripts sometimes

If you say it’s bad he gets really defensive

You work in the same room a lot of the time and forget the other is there

One of you has to preemptively order food or like set a timer so you can goddamn Survive

You’ll be fine

#markiplier egos x reader #darkiplier x reader #wilford warfstache x reader #yancy x reader #illinois x reader #googleplier x reader #eric derekson x reader #eric derickson x reader #x gn reader #x gender neutral reader #darkiplier x gn reader #wilford x reader #wilford warfstache x gn reader #yancy x gn reader #illinois x gn reader #googleplier x gn reader #eric derekson x gn reader #i'll be honest i only thought about this bc i saw mark's fucking VIDEO on tiktok and got kind of excited

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

#corpse husband #corpse husband x reader #corpse #corpse x reader #corpse husband x y/n #corpse x y/n #myso #make you say oh #imagine #imagines

[corpsedaydream]

hiya!! would you mind doing a fic where corpse and reader are just being really cute while they're cuddling?? 👉🏻👈🏻🥺

i got u, i hear u, i see u. here u go!!!!!!!!!!

warnings: mention of sex but its literally just a line

word count: 650-700 i can’t remember exactly lmao

_________________________

flappy bird

Today was a quiet day. In the most comfortable way possible.

You and Corpse had woken up about half an hour ago, but neither of you had made any effort to get out of bed. You were simply enjoying each other’s company too much. And you really didn’t want to move, anyway.

Last night, you’d both had your fair share of wine, and what started as slow dancing quickly became a heated make out and groping session on the bench top which then progressed to pleasure in the form of him being buried inside of you in bed. So today, you were both a little more slower, a little worn out and no longer drunk on wine, but still drunk on each other.

The two of you were facing each other, both pairs of legs a tangled mess beneath the blanket. His hands had made their way under the shirt you had on when you’d both woken up. Corpse loved to feel your soft skin, you always were so warm in the mornings. His head was nestled in your neck, warm air feeling comforting as it hit your skin while he took in those post waking up, quiet, slow, deep breaths.

Pillow talk had become your favourite time with him, being in bed with him felt like you two were in your own universe. Everything else didn’t exist, it was only you and him and that was all you really needed.

“Wait, what?” You paused your movements of your hand combing through his bed hair. He only let out a low, inward growl as a response, wanting your hand to continue the relaxing motion. “No, no,” you continued, you went to move back to look at him, but one of his hands suddenly gripped your hip and his other hurriedly crept further up your bare back, wanting to keep you exactly as you were in that position.

“Stay there.” He told you stubbornly. He didn’t want his morning peace disturbed yet.

You sighed and relaxed back against him, but you couldn’t move past the information you’d just realised about your boyfriend. “But as if you don’t remember Flappy Bird.” Your brows furrowed, in thought. An easy morning conversation topic had been apps that either of you had become really obsessed with at one point in time. 

“Must’ve been shit.” His lips were moving against your neck as he spoke, seeing as he had kept his face firmly planted in it’s place.

“It really was,” you agreed with him, “but that’s what made it so good.”

“What?” He laughed, “what was it?”

“Now you want to know.”

“I’ll download it later.”

“You can’t!”

“Hm?”

You huffed and he laughed, he loved when you would be talking about something really not that significant, but you would act like it was the most important thing in the moment. “See, this is why I don’t get why you can’t remember. It was, like, only on the app store for a little bit and everyone downloaded it, hated it, but still continued to play. Then suddenly it was just gone.” You exclaimed, pausing your story for some response, but he remained quiet. “But, the thing is, that people who had it on their phone when it was deleted, can still play it.” This time, you thought you’d get a reply, but he stayed silent. “Are you listening?”

“Of course, baby.” And he was, kind of, but it was more that he was just comforted in simply hearing your voice. It was all about being in your presence, listening to you, holding you in his arms, breathing you in, he was happy.

“I’m gonna show yo-”

“No.” He cut you off, once again the strength of his hold on you intensifying as your effort to make a move was halted. “Told you to stay here.”

“Fine.” You let out a deep breath, but it was content, because a smile was on your face. How much you loved when all he wanted to focus on was you.

#corpse #corpse husband #corpse x reader #corpse husband x reader #corpse imagine #Anonymous #answered #writing #request #mine

[xseaxwitchxkpop]

NSFW Alphabet: Sub!Seonghwa Edition

A/N: idk anyone in Ateez who pushes the catboy agenda more than hwa and this precious soul just makes me have cute aggression. Lemme just remind everyone that stage presence ≠ bedroom preference, so he might be a demon on stage but I personally think he's very far from dominant in the bedroom. Also this is framed for a femme!presenting reader.

-------------------------

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

A very clingy baby! Even though he's the sub, he would want to hold you instead of the other way around; when you're cleaning up, give him a plushie to snuggle because he just feels very happy holding something. He would also have the most sparkly eyes ever, looking at you with pure love and adoration. He'll also be very hungry, so always have some food on hand and be prepared to be fed by him because "you need it, too, I don't care if you're my domme, lemme feed you and show you my love!"

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He's fave part on himself is probably his eyes because he knows how expressive they are for him and how transparent they are -- his eyes always betray his true emotions and considering he's a more private person, he likes this. His fave part on you would be your breasts, but not in a sexual way; whether you're part of the itty bitty titty committee or big titty gang, he likes them as a comfort thing, groping them or sucking on your nipples, it's very calming and relaxing for him!

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He loves his face to be covered in either pussy juices/"cum" (since, ya know, pussies don't ejaculate lmao anyway) or use fake cum (or real cum if you have an actual dick) to cover his face and/or inner thighs, it'll get him going like nothing else. He also loves seeing his midsection painted with his own cum and also eating his own cum.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Every once in a while, he likes to fuck his plushies. No one would suspect this because he takes much care in cleaning them immediately afterward, so they keep their softness and hugability. He's recorded himself doing it a few times but always either deletes the videos or keeps them in a separate, unsuspecting folder in his phone; he's thought about sending them to you but never could bring himself to do so.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He's had a few hook ups but most of them have been pretty vanilla as many hook ups tend to be, he knows what he's doing especially with that tongue of his.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Probably missionary, with you on your back and him fucking you. He can easily kiss you, suck on your neck or nipples, and you can easily grab his hair roughly, pull him in closer, scratch his back with your nails, and you two can make intense eye contact. Yeah, that's his favorite position.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He's more passionate about it than anything. He likes it rough but not necessarily fast, and he likes it soft but not necessarily gentle. It's a very delicate balance that he prefers most of the time and can be difficult to pin down when the mood has to be forced from either of you -- when that happens, he rather not have sex at all.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Trimmed, doesn't bother to shave and he doesn't care what you do; bush, no bush, trimmed, shaved, waxed, whatever. However, he likes it when you shave for him down there as a sweet bonding experience, nothing kinky or sexual.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He's very sincere and very intense during sex, especially with someone he's romantically involved with because he's not the most open person and, like Yeosang, takes some prying open emotionally so when he shares that emotional part of himself and trusts that other person, that translates directly to the bedroom. He can be a little goofy if he's particularly happy that day, like giggly kisses n' shit, but otherwise very sincere, very intense.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

If he jacks off, you know about it because he sends you audios of himself getting himself off, complete with moans, whimpers, groans, muffling himself, and him cumming in the end of it. He never sends videos, though, because his ass has a voice kink. He masturbates semi regularly just because he has a high sex drive and you're not always available so he temporarily satisfies himself.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

So, this man, has some kinks that get me thinking. He has an oral fixation for sure, so anything involving his tongue; he definitely has a breeding kink like hard-core "let me breed you, mommy/daddy, I wanna give you babies" breeding kink, more so than San; temperature play; pegging/anal play; cock rings; nail scratching; biting/marking; kitten play; shibari; restraints; voice kink; ASMR kink.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Hmmmm, maybe the bedroom? He doesn't really have a favorite place to do anything because each place brings a different kind of thrill for him, so anywhere he can look at and easily imagine you commanding him to take you or you taking him is his favorite place. His least favorite place is the shower because the water washes away the lube and is just generally an annoying interruption.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Doing a sexy, feminine dance for you. Sexy girl group concepts? He learns the choreo and dances it just for you; turns him on because he enjoys you intently watching him while being just out of reach. Rubbing your hand up and down his thigh, no matter how innocent, will also turn him on greatly. Also if you cook for him -- it can be as simple as ramen but as soon as he sees that you cooked for him, he's ready to pounce you and be at your every command.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don't think he would be into piss play or scat play (absolutely no hate to people who are into this lol) but I think he wouldn't like them just because he's a bit of a clean freak and all he would see is a mess to clean up and that would definitely ruin the mood for him. Another definite turn off of his is extreme pain; he likes a little bit here and there, like slapping his ass and thighs, nail scratches wherever you scratch him, but flogging and riding crops are a no go for him.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He LIVES for giving oral and that's directly from his oral fixation. It keeps his mouth busy plus he gets to please his partner. Again, he also loves his face covered in cum and/or pussy juices, so oral is definitely such fun for him!

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Moderate. He likes it a little faster than slower, but not exactly fast, if you get what I'm saying. He likes to feel you and you to feel him, so he wants it on the slower side of things but a slightly fast pace will be suitable for the most part. Only every once in a blue moon would he want you to fuck his brains out or to fuck yours out.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Quickies involving penetration? Nah, not a fan. Quickies involving oral? Sign him the fuck up. He wants to see how fast he can get you to orgasm with just his tongue and since you derive such pleasure from it as well, you let him take on this challenge.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

As long as extreme pain is not involved, he's game for a lot of things. He's always wanted to try semi public sex, voyeurism, and submissive cuckolding, but he would only try this with one of his members since he trusts them quite a lot.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

I think he could probably go two, three rounds, maybe four if he has a crapton of energy for God only knows what reason. He has experience, jacks off sort of regularly, so he can last a good while in bed while being pounded into or pounding into you.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He's got dildos of varying sizes because he, like San, is also a size queen. He has a couple of buttons plugs and some vibrators, along with handcuffs and bondage rope. He has a couple pairs of kitten ears and a matching choker and butt plug.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He likes to tease, but not in a bratty way. It's a very sweet way, like poking your cheek and rubbing it like a cat as he strokes your inner thigh and ghosts your genitals, teases you with food like "hey if I make this dish, maybe you can fuck my ass tonight" and he'd act all cutesy about it, he'll make suggestive comments while making direct eye contact, and wiggle his butt sometimes.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He's a happy medium between San and Yeosang. Hwa makes noise - groans, whimpers, moans, mewling - but he isn't loud with them per say, they're very throaty noises and he uses his chest to make them so they're low in volume but frequent.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He quite prefers the natural noises of sex between you two rather than having a playlist or any other background noise going. He's sensitive to noise in the first place and the background noise could overwhelm him in a bad way.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He's average. Nothing too long, nothing too girthy, but boy does he know how to use his average dick regardless.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He has a bit of a high sex drive. Think like smack in the middle of average horny and extremely horny and that's Hwa. He can go like three days without sex with no complaints but coming up on a fourth day may be a little bit hard for him.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He becomes quite sleepy afterward, wanting to snuggle you to fall asleep while you rub his back up and down and he holds you and squeezes you like his personal plushie. It takes a while for him to actually fall asleep, but that's because it takes him a while to calm down enough to lull into a peaceful state of rest before succumbing to sleep.

#sub!ateez alphabet #sub!ateez #sub!seonghwa #sub!idol #ateez headcannons #my works #ateez #ateez imagine #seonghwa #dom!reader #fem!reader #lemon hours

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

#ultimate note #whomst #wu xie #dmbj #the lost tomb #pingxie #iron triangle