#time to work on blorbos and obsess over fandoms

[le-trash-prince]

Kenta

Okay. It is once again time for me to talk about my number one little man. I was interested in Kenta from the very beginning, and at some point I realized that I was not going to be normal about him, but I really did not anticipate how much he would come to mean to me. I hope y'all have enjoyed witnessing my descent into feral blorbo state. It is not over for me in the slightest.

I want to say that Garfield really acted the shit out of this role, and the writers knew what they were doing when they cast him. His arc was so important to the overall plot, with his growth being pivotal to Tony's downfall, and yet he had a relatively small amount of dialogue to work with (although certainly not the smallest amount of the cast).

A lot of his scenes involve him standing in Tony's office, taking instructions, or even just simply observing. A lot of his lines are based around business deals and errands—rather than furthering his emotional development. He doesn't give big speeches, he doesn't talk about his feelings or his dreams, it's always just "I'm doing xyz for Tony, and I will never betray him."

Some of his most dialogue heavy scenes are in one stairwell with Pete and in another with Tony, which I think are extremely pivotal moments, both of which reveal a fear of abandonment.

But it's honestly when he's quiet that he says the most.

And I love that, I'm obsessed with it. I love that the whole fandom could insantly tell that he and Pete had something going on, just from the way they looked at each other. I love that the storytelling in his arc was so highly visual.

In the beginning, Kenta appears to be nothing more than Tony's lackey: quiet, intimidating, and actively complicit with what is going on.

But as we see him more and more, it becomes exceedingly apparent that he cares, so much. I know I am biased in saying this, but I do also pay close attention to what other people are saying about Kenta, and I know almost everyone has been waiting the entire series to see him stand up to Tony. The amount of acting that Garfield did with his eyes, while remaining such a stoic character, was insane.

Despite him repeatedly declaring his loyalty to Tony, despite the fact that he does not reveal any actions against Tony until episode 12, we feel so much of his inner conflict.

I think for me, personally, the aspect of Kenta's character that I relate to the most is his inability to speak up when he wants to. I've struggled with selective mutism my entire life, and there have been countless, countless scenarios where I've had so many things to say and no ability to say them. The more dire the situation, the more my words fail me. I have to spend so much of my energy constantly planning for potential conflict scenarios just so I can have the time I need to figure out which words to use. Because it can sometimes take months for me to figure out certain phrases. And because it is so painful to stay silent when you want to tell someone to stop. To stop fighting, to stop hurting each other, to stop hurting me.

So I was beyond moved and proud to watch Kenta finally be able to protect his brothers and quietly say the one thing he has wanted to say all along.

Don't hurt anyone anymore.

Don't hurt anyone anymore.

Don't hurt anyone anymore.

I will take some of the words that P'Chod gave to Garfield before they went into production. "It’s just you want to live in a peaceful house and be happy together.” All we want is peace.

I wish that Kenta had not been forced to kill Tony because I don't think he has ever wanted to hurt anyone. But I'm sure as hell not sorry that he did it. There will always be people who are unwilling to stop.

And I recognize that Kenta tried a peaceful method first. He gave X-Hunter what they needed to put Tony in jail, and Tony refused to give up. He was never going to be the kind of person who would simply surrender. To him, these people's lives are property that he is entitled to.

Here is an auto translation of something Garfield said about Kenta at the final episode screening.

"I already knew that Kenta would be similar to me, in that I'm someone who doesn't dare to express my feelings to the people around me, saying very little. So when I got the role, I felt… that it teaches us that as long as we dare to be ourselves and do things that make us happy, that's enough."

We may never know what happened to Kenta after Tony died, but I hope he is able to find his peace. I hope he is able to engage with restorative justice, and I hope he is able to learn what family really should be.

And I hope that someone, anyone, will give him a goddamned hug.

the first shot / the last shot

Thank you, Kenta, from the bottom of my heart, for showing us yours.

#god okay this one took a lot out of me IM STILL RUNNING ON LOW SLEEP #anyways I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIMMMMMMMM #pit babe the series #kenta pit babe #pit babe spoilers #pit babe meta #em post #em meta #pit babe

[dabisqueen]

I recently hit a huge milestone and wanted to take some time to celebrate with a little event!

As you all may know, I've had a pretty rough past year: having been diagnosed with breast cancer, going through several operations and chemotherapy, and overall just feeling extremely devastated. 

Throughout this entire time, you all stuck around, encouraged me, and showed me so much love and support. Without you, it would have been much worse. Thank you to everyone at my side during this challenging time💙

You are the reason I am here, you encourage me to continue, and you are the reason my writing comes to life in this fandom community.

So, this event is all about you. I want to give back to you and put a smile on your face with a free commission.

The Title of this Celebration: Obsession

With this event, it is your turn to be creative. Send me an ask with how you headcanon Dabi would obsess over you.

It can be as smutty as you want or tooth-rottingly fluffy and sweet. This blog features dark content, so you can also include dark ways of how Dabi obsesses over you. You don't have to be a writer or anything; just thirst away! I want to hear your side of the story.*

I will combine all the asks into one big sheet and publish it eventually with proper credit to the original creators: you.

The Giveaway

I will reward two lucky participants with a free commission. Fanartists @/itsmattibad and @/chainslobber agreed to work with me on this. So be excited! Also, please give both artists a follow💙

(It's a free giveaway of a portrait of you and your blorbo. I will share the details with the winners after they have been selected! You must abide by the artist's rules for commission, and they have the right to deny your request. You can work with them to choose something else or decline the commission. In this case, I will re-award it.)

How to Qualify for the Giveaway

You must be following me (this event is for followers only)

You have to send the ask(s) off anon.

My blog is an 18+ blog, so I will not be allowing minors to participate at all. No age on your profile - no entry. Blank profile - no entry. I need to know that you are not a minor. 

Please submit your ideas in bullet-point format only. I can combine those better into one uniform post.

I will only accept entries during the event timeline.

Each ask/submission counts as one entry.

You can send me more than one ask. Each entry will count as one entry to the giveaway. There is no limit to how many entries you send me. The more you send in, the higher your chances of being selected.

I will randomly select after the event ends. I am still in remission and things take longer than usual. So please be patient with me!

(You can also participate in this event without joining the giveaway if you are shy or don't want a commission. You can send the ask on anon. It won’t count as an entry for the giveaway, but I will still include it in the headcanons😊. You can also send off anon and tell me you don’t want to be in the giveaway.)

The Timeline

The event will start Friday, December 1, at 6 pm EST and run through Sunday, December 10th, until midnight (also EST).

*I maintain the right to deny asks that I don't seem fitting for this event. Please be kind and accept that. 

I will use the tag #dqobsessionevent so you can block it in case it's clogging up your feed.

#dabisqueen event #milestone event #dqobsessionevent #dabi #dabi todoroki #bnha dabi #mha dabi #dabi my hero academia #touya todoroki #todoroki touya #bnha #mha

[captain-hen]

Tumblr Fandom: A Year in Review 2023

i was tagged by @mistmarauder, thank you!!

Top Five Blorbos:

Eddie Diaz (9-1-1)

Nancy Wheeler (Stranger Things)

Nancy Drew (Nancy Drew)

Alex Claremont-Diaz (Red, White & Royal Blue)

Lucy Preston (Timeless)

Top Five Fandoms:

9-1-1

Red, White & Royal Blue

Stranger Things

The Haunting Anthology

Nancy Drew

Top Five OTPs:

Evan Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1)

Lucy Chen/Tim Bradford (The Rookie)

Nancy Drew/Ace (Nancy Drew)

Lucy Preston/Garcia Flynn (Timeless)

Dani Clayton/Jamie Taylor (The Haunting of Bly Manor)

Shoutout to Some New Friends:

@eddiediaaz we've been mutuals since last year but i feel like we talked a lot more this year, so i'm very grateful for that ❤ @poughkeepsies is one of my dearest mutuals on here and i love you and all your takes <33 and also @ice-sculptures i've adored following you over this year!

Shoutout to Some Old Friends:

all of my love to the one and only @tawaifeddiediaz, i don't know where i'd be without her to rant and get emotional over our blorbos with and she's just such a wholesome soul!! and of course, @bieddiediaz and @oneawkwardcookie, the besties, i love you guys so so much ❤❤

Favorite Creation You Posted This Year:

i'm very proud of my fic, but i can see all along, love (it was you all the way down) <3

Favorite Creation Posted by Someone Else This Year:

oh gosh this is SUCH a difficult question because there are so many amazing creations from this insanely talented fandom—but i'd have to go with @eddiediaaz's speak now gifset it was so incredible!

People Who Brightened Your Year:

too many people to count—@buck2eddie @lover-of-mine @jeeyuns @diazass @kitkatpancakestack @bieddiediaz @tawaifeddiediaz and so many others i'm probably forgetting!

Anyone Else You'd Like to Mention:

there are just too many people to mention—every single one of my mutuals on here, and all the kind people who've sent me lovely messages (anonymous or not) and all the people who continue to follow me!!

Five of Your Favorite Authors This Year:

elless continues to be an all-time favourite, they have some of the most beautiful fics in the fandom ❤❤

@tawaifeddiediaz is the most talented person ever ily 😘

@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels is another favourite!! your halloween fics were SUCH a treat and i'm sitll working my way through them!!

@cal-daisies-and-briars has fics with some of the most intriguing concept and is honestly a powerhouse—it seems like you're posting fic all the time!

@bvckandeddie i recently discovered your fics and they're just *chefs kiss* so delightful!!

Five of Your Favorite Artists/Gifmakers/Podficcers/Etc. This Year:

no list about gifmakers is complete without @eddiediaaz who is so talented and creative it makes me wanna cry (with joy!)

@padme-amidala while i don't follow most of the media you post gifs for, your work is so stunning and i'm so obsessed!!

@stationoneeighteen i love love all of your gifs especially the ones that focus on the firefam, they're so good ❤❤

@buckleys-diaz alie you haven't been around for a while (and i hope you're doing well!) but you've always been one of the most talented gifmakers in this fandom and i've always looked up to you <3

@roseapothecary your gifs are so so gorgeous and i've adored all of your rwrb sets!! they're so pretty and creative!!

Three Things You're Looking Forward to in 2024:

the new season of 9-1-1 and also the PJO tv series!!

Tagging:

tagging everyone who's already been mentioned in this post <33

#neethu speaks #tag games

[ash-and-starlight]

Ciao Ash I’ve been following your work super closely for a few years and I now feel like I can ask you this, especially since you seem to be so kind with everyone and always explain yourself so well!

I work in illustration and I’ve been drawing for 10 years. For the kind of illustration I do, I rarely have to draw characters. I can draw people, in a very detailed manner too (portraits and studies and such) but when it comes to incorporating characters in my illustration style, I just can’t seem to get it right. Especially with characters who don’t exist so if I want to do fanart, I always have to do it in a way that is not very coherent to my illustration style. Which is unfortunate since I’m in a lot of fandoms and would really like to make fanart I like.

I rely on references a lot, so if I have to draw someone who exists in my style, I struggle and study and put a lot of work and time in but then I’m mostly able to. But characters from fiction? Absolutely not. I especially struggle with consistency: the character always looks different every time I draw them, no matter how many notes on their physiognomy I make…the fact that’s not a real person I can copy the features of on paper really hinders my practice. I also struggle with immediacy and synthesis: since they never look the same I always end up over - characterizing them and that is the opposite of how I illustrate.

How were you able to maintain such a consistent and stable look to these characters? Is there something I don’t know of or that I haven’t been doing and that I should? You really inspire me and I admire your work SO much! It’s remarkable how you built such a recognizable look.

Ti prego aiutami sto diventando pazzo in culo se non risolvo questa cosa voglio disegnare i miei blorbi !!!!

All the love,

Elio

Ciaooo aaa ty for the nice wordsss :’))

and ok i will try to answer as best as i can bc i’m not a professional in the slightest and also i basically have the diametrically opposite problem as you 😭 90% of my art is blorbo oriented i’m a blorbo artist first human being second. but it’s not like i have the charisma uniqueness nerve and talent to stray much from that.

ANYWAY that being said i’m sorry to give you the Very Hated answer of “u just gotta practice” but i think that’s true! i think drawing characters outside of studies (which are always nice and good etc) might not be something you’re used to, and u just need to stretch your drawing muscles a bit in that direction too!! style and consistency are something that develop organically, so i’m sure that if you keep trying you’ll look at your art one day and be like “oh shit this works!”

Usually when i draw characters i’ve never drawn before i make little studies/portraits to figure out how to draw them (evidence 1/2/3/4) which i think could be a pretty low stake way for you to practice? like maybe you can start off with one referenced portrait and then try to draw the same face from other angles but without looking at that reference and just try to figure out what are the important features that make that face recognizable? Expression sheets are another way u could do this, and then you’d have a nice self made reference board for next time.

or you could start smaller and draw different shapes of eyes/noses/mouths etc to get the hang of it, and once you’re satisfied start building your character with the features you’ve drawn

lastly i cannot stress this enough draw that blorbo NOW!! get fucking obsessed with that freak!!! let them fuel you with the brainrotting blazing passion of 28473 suns and you’ll manage to draw a hundred beautiful faces without even noticing

spero che tu riesca a cavar fuori qualcosa di utile da questo sfaso 😭 in ogni caso sono sicura che riuscirai a disegnare i tuoi blorbini devi solo smadonnare un po’ quando necessario e andare avanti 💕

grazie mille ancoraaaa mwah

#GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR ART ENDEAVORS I HOPE U CAN FIND SOMETHING USEFUL IN THIS!! #ash replies

[shootingstarrfish]

Omg hiii I looove oversharing about my blorbos 😋

Anyway Simeon is my favorite guy ever and has been since the beginning I'm completely obsessed with him bc he's literally perfect tell my WHY on gods green earth he's always getting swept under the rug. Why does this man never get any attention and when he does why is he mischaracterized. He's got it all. He's tall and handsome in kind of an ethereal effeminate way, he's sweet and kind but not a pushover, he's one of the most tragic characters in the game, he's the perfect muse for a religious trauma arc, a corruption arc, a "the calm collected one who's always having a good time finally snaps and goes apeshit" arc, I mean come on. Come on. Every time I remember that his main sin is wrath despite him being SO chill and gentle on the outside I want to giggle a little bit. My beautiful princess with identity issues and slutty waist I'm so sorry everyone ignores you

Solomon though. I don't remember how I felt about him at first (other than lots of gender envy) but he wasn't a favorite until I came back to the fandom after being absent for ages. Like damn this man is everything. He's so complicated /pos that I cant even articulate why I love him so much but he's so well written (maybe one of the only ones who are written halfway decently) and SO tragic. The way he's so desperately in love with the mc and is forced to watch them go for literally anyone else but would still do anything for them and ask for nothing but a little bit of loyalty in return is scrumptious. Also the way immortality just kinda fucks you up after a while when you're only human. I've been very tempted to put him in a poly ship with my mc and Simeon bc he deserves it but for now he just has to watch from afar as the man he loves endlessly makes out with his best friend that he also kinda sorta has a little crush on bc making the gays suffer brings me copious amounts of joy. He's also the "always totally calm and collected no matter what but actually has really strong feelings that he works to keep in check" type like Simeon and I love that for him. One of the fics I'm reading has him once become so panicked over the MC's wellbeing that he completely loses his composure. Yelling, trembling, the whole nine yards and it was fucking glorious, I love seeing characters like him break.

Also I have to talk a little about Lucifer. He's not generally a favorite but I just think it's funny how I went from hating his guts bc I thought he was an asshole to to liking him a lot bc I have a weak spot for big brother characters. He loves his family so so so much and just has trouble showing it properly!! He's still an asshole and an uptight prick but I like that about him now. My mc had the same development with him as I did, he went from "I hate this motherfucker I wanna kill him also he kinda scares me" to "this is my big brother we are holding hands :)" in the span of like a year and a half and it's really funny. Lucifer thought he was finally getting a sensible housemate and friend but ended up getting another insufferable, headache indicung little brother figure instead. Also I kinda have a non canon ship between him and my MC's father bc the idea is SO funny but also a little cute bc they compliment each other real well. My mc would become homophobic so fast if he found out and thinking about it is incredibly entertaining

thank u for oversharing teehee <333

the side characters are sooo fun and interesting i wish so badly that theyd get to be ever so slightly less on the side :,D

the dynamic between your mc and simeon and solomon PAIN UGH i love it.. <333 my heart hurts for solo but the yearning.... MMM

and absolutely felt about lucifer, i wish i could hate him and leave it at that but he makes it so hard. i have such a complicated relationship with this man but i cant bring myself to genuinely hate him hahaha

#ask box #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me

[bizarre-blorbo-bracket]

Round 1 poll 27: the V-22 Osprey from the US military vs David from the submitter's life

Propaganda under the cut:

the V-22 Osprey

First off I need to explain that I am NOT a Military Guy. I am not a Military History guy either. I dont give a shit about WII. I dont give a shit about fighter jets. I do NOT care. Normally I devote all of my vehicle obsession energy to ships. But the Osprey. God, the osprey... [takes long drag on cigarette] She's so special to me. The Osprey is a tilt-rotor aircraft, meaning it can essentially convert between being a helicopter and being a plane. It's shit at both. Its favorite things to do are eat money, set things on fire and crash so bad it flips over before it hits the ground. It needs so much maintenance that only around 60% of them are remotely working at any one time. I want to chew it like a baby with a teething toy. They say it can do aircraft to aircraft refueling but sometimes the rotors slap the fuel hose and it crashes BOTH aircraft. It craves human blood and the warm embrace of smacking into the ground. It is so so so cringe and fail and in 2021 one melted the helipad at a children's hospital. It's an indulgent taxpayer funded disaster made of equal parts military industrial complex, hubris, and mechanical failure, and I'm going to put one in a towel-lined box and feed it JP-8 from an eyedropper like a newborn kitten.

David

ive never met him but ive heard so many stories about him from friends about how cool he is hes like the real life equivalent of your mutual posting about a fandom your not in. david is a real person but to me he is a fandom i learned all the lore about by accident

#V-22 Osprey #military aircraft #aircraft #david

[theluckywizard]

Get to Know the Fic Writer

Thank you for the tag @leggywillow 🥰 Gosh I think I did this last year? Things have changed a bit!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

43

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 463,350

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In the Shattering of Things (Cullen x f!Trevelyan, Hawke x f!Trevelyan) 141

The Boy Who Talked Too Much (Alistair x f!Cousland) 67

Some Kind of Witchcraft (Cullen x f!Trevelyan) 59

Unvarnished (Blackwall x f!Trevelyan) 57

The Protestations of the Commander's Bed (Cullen x f!Trevelyan) 46

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always! Oh man alwayyyys. I am so grateful for anyone who takes that extra moment to share something they liked or a thought that popped into their head. Truly. It's a special kind of reader that leaves comments. They really are the fuel that keep me going! Especially on my long fic I feel like I'm getting to know some of my readers and I love the discussions I've gotten into about my blorbo and her interactions with canon characters. OR just canon characters!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably Fractures. I wrote it especially for Whumptober and in it Cullen's obsession with Samson led to a throwdown in Emprise that nearly left him dead and Rose is understandably at her wits end with him. They have 'make up sex' that does nothing to resolve any of the feelings of betrayal and abandonment and anger that Rose feels.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Probably The Commander, the Tevinter, and a Bottle of Lightning a Cullen & Dorian, Cullen POV fic where Cullen's romance with Rose Trevelyan seems to finally be coming to a head at long last.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Not yet! Probably won't though.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

The closest is maybe vocal dislike of an original character. He's a competing love interest though, so I get it. People have their preferences and want to nudge me a certain way.

9. Do you write smut?

LOLLLL yes. 4 of my top 5 above are explicitly smuts and my long fic has 4 at this point. My friend @nirikeehan says "be the smut you wish to see in the world" so I try to write joyful, consensual, authentic feeling smuts that also capture the awkwardness/silliness/normality of sex. My hope is that someone reading it who isn't quite experienced with this stuff gets to see a really positive, realistic portrayal.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet!

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I can't show my whole ass in the midst of a multiship long fic, so I will keep quiet on this one 🤐

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Splinter of Light (my Rose and Dorian get stranded in the future during In Hushed Whispers Nightmare!AU fic)

15. What are your writing strengths?

Believable dialogue and banter, authentically drawn characters readers can root for, lively descriptions

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

PLOT. It's just always been a struggle for me. World building too. LISTEN. There's a reason I'm writing fan fic LOL. Though I recently got Scapple (from the Scrivener makers) and it has been a game changer! I'm using it for my long fic and my other major WIP Kiss Me Moonstruck right now.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I've done it for a few select lines during Wicked Eyes Wicked Hearts, mostly to underscore how bad Hawke is at speaking Orlesian. But generally I will just note when a character is speaking in a new language.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Dragon Age! I stumbled into it a smidge over a year ago (after playing for 9ish years) and love it so much!

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Cullen/Bethany Hawke

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh man, barring my long fic which is my baby and still in progress it would probably have to be my new Cullen POV fic Thirst that digs into the lead up to his crisis during the Perseverance quest. But Kiss Me Moonstruck is my Hawke x f!Trevelyan MatchmakingMoms!AU WIP set during DA2, Act 2 and mannnn nothing makes me smile and laugh like this fic. I can't wait to publish it!

Tagging @delicatefade, @bluewren, @samseabxrn, @rowanisawriter, @greypetrel, @nirikeehan, @spicywarl0ck, @monocytogenes

#theluckywizard #tag game

[gold-pavilion]

Okay, so, it's safe to say I'm pretty much back to tumblr, yeah!

Full disclosure, over the past... year and a half? I've been both swaaammmped with work (post-covid economic crisis, I work for myself so I had to adjust all sorts of things and work more) and also not feeling social for long periods. Took lots of social media breaks / fandom breaks to just enjoy my blorbos quietly, which felt super needed cause I was overall pretty overwhelmed, so it was nice.

I have actual free time on my hands again tho!! Free time!! And I'm recharged and feeling a ton more like myself + social + wanting to enjoy the blorbos out loud.

Oh, yeah, I'm following the anime releases of Tokyo Revengers + monthly BSD more closely these days, so that's what I'm gonna be on fandom-wise.

After the TR season is done airing I'm gonna catch up with all the BSD anime eps I haven't watched yet (I just watched the light novel adaptation at the start of S4 and that's where I left off, just kept following the manga and then the final S5 ep LMAO). I'm holding back REALLY HARD from just binging it right now, but I know if I let myself do that I'm gonna obsess so hard I won't do anything else haha.

Probably gonna post a couple of things I made while taking my breaks!!

But yeah, nice to be back and to be seeing a lot of friends here again!!

#red update #red personals

[martianbugsbunny]

Locked In This Embrace (An Espionage Husbands Fic)

*Shapeshifts from being a filing cabinet* So funny story, this started out as like, a good old fashioned scene rewrite fic where I just thieved the dialogue from the show itself and added some inner monologue and of course my own twist at the end bc otherwise what's the point? and OF COURSE the scene I picked was the forehead touch scene between Nick and Talos, I'm obsessed with it. It was supposed to be basically just that scene plus a romantic end, real short and sweet.

It kind of got away from me and consumed several hours of my life. I analyzed the scene itself so a lot of the gestures Talos makes in the fic are actually what he was doing onscreen. His inner monologue is matched to the canon gestures/facial expressions and I swear on the ship it works so well he could actually be thinking that stuff in canon. At this point half or less of the fic is the actual scene rewrite, that's how much of my own material I added.

...and yes, the title is derived from a post I made earlier about this exact scene. It's maybe not the best title but that's my weak spot so that's how it is.

Here's my offering to the blorbo gods and the Espionage Husbands fandom, read on and enjoy!

“I am so sorry,” Fury said.

“Me too,” Talos replied, his voice low. He savored the feeling of Furys forehead pressed against his, sharing space, breathing the same air; he had lost one love, but the other lived, and the fact that Fury cared enough to meet him with a Skrull embrace rather than a Human one returned a bit of the warmth to his heart that he had lost when Soren died. “Soren loved you,” he said. It felt right to remind Fury of that—Fury, who had cared for her almost as much as Talos had.

“But she worried, mate,” he went on (he was never quite sure if he was using that word in the Human context of "friend" or in the Skrull one of "partner"), “That it would take something like this to bring you back to Earth.”

Fury pulled away to look Talos in the eyes. “I guess she was right,” Talos finished.

For a moment, Fury said nothing. Talos wondered if he knew that the word ‘Earth’ was never the one that he or Soren had used when worrying over Fury’s absence from their lives. Talos remembered her saying, only a few days before she died, “I’m afraid of what it will take to bring him back to us.”

But Fury didn’t know that.

He cupped his hands around Talos’s face for a brief moment; far too little time, yet so precious, and then let go and sighed heavily. “Tell me about Gravik,” he said, and Talos tried not to let it show in his face how horribly heartbroken he was that Fury could move on from such a personal moment so quickly. Fury was back for Earth, not for…well, now it was just him. Even if he did feel for Talos the way Talos did for him, which Talos had never been able to decipher or been bold enough to ask, there were more important things to do than trying to determine where the two of them stood.

And still…Talos was never one to let things go. “Let’s just talk about you first,” he suggested. “We’ve been helping you for all these years, to ensure that you kept your promise. But after the Blip…you were different.” Life during those five years had been a nightmare for Talos, even though he had survived. It was terribly complicated, being grateful that his wife and daughter had been spared, and yet grieving the loss of Nick like the loss of his soul. If he hadn’t had Soren to lean on, Talos hated to think of how completely the darkness would have enveloped him.

“You disappeared.” That was the final pang. After all the agony of the Blip, Fury had been returned to life and Talos had, for a moment, hoped he could finally ask, once and for all, where their relationship truly stood. And then—he was gone. Settled in space, almost as lost to Talos as he had been when he was dead.

“Carol Danvers disappeared,” Talos said. She, like Fury, was supposed to be helping the Skrulls find a home. He was less angry at her, though, because she wasn’t Fury. She didn’t occupy that same space in his heart. “And—so did G’iah.”

Fury turned to him. “Your daughter disappeared? To where?”

“She was young. Angry that our people still don’t have a home.” G’iah was the one person he loved more than Fury, and Talos didn’t hesitate to defend her to him, even though he was utterly disappointed in her decisions. But like he said, G’iah wasn’t evil. A lot of rebel Skrulls weren’t. Just angry.

“Many of them were upset. I got kicked off the Council, pushed into exile, but Gravik—Gravik, mate, he took your abandonment—” Talos couldn’t quite look Fury in the eyes where he said that word—“that much harder.”

When they went back downstairs so Maria Hill could brief Fury on the rebel Skrulls, Talos tried not to read too much into it that Fury sat next to her, on the complete opposite end of the table from himself. She was, after all, the closest friend Fury had.

He also hated that, as the only Skrull at the table, it was his job to break the news to Fury just how precarious the Gravik situation was. “We brought you here for a reason,” he said. A far heftier one than my broken heart, he reminded himself, realizing that it was probably about to get a lot more cracked. “If he succeeds…your species will cease to exist.”

Fury stood up abruptly, pushing his chair back from the table. “Shit,” he muttered. “I’m going for a walk.”

“You’re going for a walk—in Moscow, at night?—You’re gonna stand out.” Even if he couldn’t meet Fury’s gaze, Talos couldn’t resist the urge to warn him off from getting hurt.

And then just like that he was gone.

Talos stared at Maria across the table. He didn’t care that his expression was probably giving away how he was feeling—he wasn’t even sure what label to put on it, so why should he bother to hide it?

“He loves you, you know,” she said, after a drawn-out moment of silence. “When I told him I was calling at your request…well, his tone changed awful quickly.”

That was the call where not only had Fury been summoned back to Earth, he had also learned of Soren’s death. Talos had insisted Maria tell him; the wound was too fresh, and he hadn’t wanted the first time he saw Nick after all those years to be a moment for breaking bad news.

“I’m not so sure,” Talos answered. He got up to look through the fridge—he didn’t truly like a lot of human food, but there were some fruits that tasted nearly identical to Skrull produce, and he kept a stock of them whenever possible. He pulled out a half-eaten can of lychees and a fork from the silverware drawer. “He left.”

Maria followed him to the kitchen area, leaning against the small counter. “The Blip hurt everyone, Talos. The rest of the world may not think so, but you and I know that he’s only human. He needed the time away.”

“He could have spent it with us.” “Why are you so hung up on that? I know you missed him—”

“Missed him?” Talos shoved the can to the side and turned towards Maria. “If you can say that lungs would ‘miss’ oxygen or that veins would ‘miss’ blood, then yeah. I missed him.” He buried his head in his hands. “It wasn’t just those five years, Maria. For decades I’ve wondered if he loved me, always too afraid to hear that answer was no to even ask, always sure that if he felt so, he would tell me.”

“You could have told him how you felt,” Maria reminded him.

“I could have. And he could have. We wasted all that time and I just—I can’t help but believe that if he had been down here with us, like he should’ve been, maybe he could have done what I couldn’t. Maybe Soren would still be alive.”

He abandoned us, Talos wanted to say. It was what most Skrulls believed about Nick Fury, although Talos could’ve told them they had no idea what it was to be abandoned by him.

Soren had never made a secret of her affection for Fury; all those years locked away from her husband in Mar-Vell’s lab had taught her how precious love was, and how freely it should be expressed. Talos, on the other hand, feared rejection. Loneliness. Ages of being hunted by the Kree, mistrusted and reviled by other species, had taught him that. And yet…with Soren by his side, it was always clear that Fury had a home with them if he wanted it. And Fury had accepted that offer and lived with them from time to time, his nearness and his close relationship with Soren driving Talos mad.

Why did he give up that home when they needed so badly to see him alive and well after his death?

Suddenly Talos remembered something else Soren had said. They had been washing dishes together, while Fury was in the living room admiring some drawings that G’iah had made.

“You’re a stubborn man, Talos. And I love you for it. Anyone else might have given up on finding us again.” She handed him a plate to dry. “But…I wonder what it would take for you to take a leap of faith.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” (He did.)

“Hand him your heart, Talos, and trust him not to break it.”

Soren had been able to do it all that time, and it had never cost her. Yet even now, when he was finally reunited with Fury, Talos had only been able to give him Soren’s love, and not his own.

It was on him as much as it was on Fury that they had never determined what they were to each other. And it was his inability to protect Soren, not Fury’s absence from them, that had cost Soren her life, Talos decided.

When Fury finally returned from his walk (and a kidnapping, Talos was alarmed to hear) he informed them that he had set up a bug in an associate’s house and was expecting to get new intel on Gravik’s plans soon. Maria took charge of setting up their end of the surveillance equipment, and Talos determined to take his chance and do what Soren had advised him to do years ago.

“Fury, can I talk to you for a moment?” he asked. He noticed Maria smirking and wanted to sigh. “It’s….” Not information on which the fate of Earth or Humanity hung, but still….“Important.”

To Talos's surprise, Fury’s irritation with him had entirely dissipated, no doubt in light of the new information they were about to get. They went back up to the roof and stood looking out at the city together, the silence amiable.

Talos reached over and took Fury’s hand. His fingers were cold. “I’ve always loved you,” he said, staring straight ahead. “And I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.”

Fury smiled. “I had guessed. Figured you would say it when you were ready—didn’t quite expect that to take three decades.” He pulled Talos close and repeated the Skrull forehead touch they had done earlier, their fingers still intertwined. A single tear slipped down Talos’s face. “I love you too.”

#secret invasion #espionage husbands #nick fury x talos #talos x nick fury #nick fury #talos #scene rewrite fic #these relationships are mentioned as past because Soren is dead but the tags apply: #Soren x talos #talos x soren #nick fury x soren #Soren x nick fury #(kind of) #(read the fic it'll make more sense) #marvel #mcu #fic #Maria hill #talos is being a sad little man #but he gets a happy ending so it's all good #skrull forehead touch #martianbugsbunny writes fic

[phoenixtakaramono]

The Boys, choose violence 10, 22, 24 if you please. :D

From the 🔥Choose Violence Ask Game🔥

Thank you, @kosmochlor, for the Ask! Ahh, and I see we’re going straight for the jugular!! 🔪(⊙v⊙✿) These are just a few personal honest opinions written at 1:40AM. What I think does not apply to everyone. ♥️

10. worst part of fanon

Keyboard warriors. The morality police clutching their pearls. You know who I’m referring to; we always have them in every fandom. The ones who police who/ what you like and are obnoxiously loud about it and about how the characters or ships you find interesting are problematic and, lookie here, my [insert character they’d fixated on] never did anything wrong compared to your rancid skrunkly blorbo and I wish more fans liked my favorite character than [insert popularly liked character]. On the converse of that, I’m on two fences when it comes to Homelander stans. Thankfully most people are rational and like him because he’s an interesting villain (and, let’s be real, it’s powered by a side of fan thirst for the actor who plays him; it’s the typical parasocial relationship that fans develop with the celebs who play our favs/ or it’s just plain interest in the fictional character itself or the fun thought of that fictional fav being railed or doing the railing)—but I do have to raise an eyebrow when he is being stanned for all the wrong reasons (coughfascistallegorycough coughMAGAallegorycough coughSigmamalecough).

It’s a very interesting outlook to have as someone who isn’t as into Homelander as other people but still goes out of my way to read and write stories of him being shipped with his enemy Billy Butcher (listen, I’m your average law-abiding 28 y/o woman who works M-Sat 9AM-5:30PM and sometimes even Sundays and even overtime; sometimes on my limited free time I just wanna indulge and imagine about what it’d take to save the metaphorical world in this fictional universe—aka by having the two toxic old men f*ck each other and they can be two co-dependent psychos in love terrorizing the world together as a shameless power couple in a perpetual Ouroboros cycle of love and hate and self-punishment; obviously I do not condone this kind of relationship irl but within the safety of my imagination, we writers be playing god. It’s fairly obvious both characters are fated to have a bad ending in the show, especially if they follow in the footsteps of comic canon for a bittersweet ending, so let me have fun on my very limited free time writing my alternative Butchlander takes about these manipulative assh0les obsessing over each other and the fate of the world depending on how successful they are at gaslighting each other into playing a permanent happy couple).

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Homelander is canonically bi in the comics. No, I’m serious.

(Spoiler alert: for those without context, in the comics, Soldier Boy was not Homelander’s father. In the comics, male Stormfront was one of the Supes whose DNA was reused by Vought to create new and stronger versions of the source material, so his DNA resulted in baby!HL’s creation no, comic HL did not f*ck male Stormfront; in a way, HL is kinda a partial clone of comic!SF. Whereas in the show, Soldier Boy was changed to be a super straight (?) alpha male granny f*cker who was later revealed in the season to be the sperm donor for Homelander. And Stormfront, as we know, was genderswapped in the show and changed to be Homelander’s girlfriend in S3. …There’s no confirmed Sweet Home Alabama vibes yet as of 2023 but there is understandably fan speculation for a reason.)

I believe the best way to put it: Homelander is generally attracted to women, but in later issues he reveals that he has a secret liking to men. Because he’s The Homelander; he can do whatever the f*ck he wants.

And let’s not forget this beautiful iconic scene the TV adaptation gifted to us:

Now some personal opinion time: I also like the idea of him being a narcissist so he only truly loves himself. And others can come close (especially if he sees aspects of himself in them) but his One True Love will always be himself. It’s the classic Narcissus looking at his mirror reflection allegory—but now you mix it in with some complicated cocktail of a God complex, inferiority complex, imposter syndrome, self-hatred, and sociopathy or psychopathy and a hidden desire of wanting to fit in with the banal societal human norms of being accepted but always feeling left out on the other side of the glass wall looking in. Now you tie it in with him never finding anyone who’s “genuinely loved him” (by his own criteria) and has not regarded him as a monster to be feared. He’s desperate for that human connection, for that elusive “perfect companion” who will understand him and cater to him and put his needs above their own—and to him, finding that proves he’s not a freak of nature. He’s not a monster. He’s not a failed product. He’s not a pathetic excuse of a man that even Soldier Boy didn’t even want as a son. Vogelbaum—and everyone else just doesn’t understand. People love him, right? Vought and Madelyn have indoctrinated him into believing he’s the people’s hero—and how they adore and worship him and want to be him or want to f*ck him. How can he, The Homelander, a superior being with his perfect genetics who’s better, stronger, smarter and more attractive than anyone else (I hope you can tell I’m being heavily sarcastic here), go out on a limb and fail at finding this one intangible thing that ordinary mudpeople or his inferiors can find but he somehow can’t?

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

It’s almost always political discourse particularly from extremely delusional right-wingers people who have terrible media literacy of what they’re watching versus what might be clear-cut to the rest of us—and discourse of whether or not The Boys (TV) is an objectively good show. All of these tend to go hand-in-hand together. I think what those people fail to realize is: the script is written by Eric Kripke, the showrunner behind the first five seasons of Supernatural—and then you have Stephen Fleet, lead VFX supervisor and show producer, who came out at the age of 43 (🏳️‍🌈). They’re adapting it from an edgy, dark, intentionally offensive-just-for-shock-value comic series written by Garth Ennis, the person behind Preacher and even a bit of the Punisher. The eight-volume comic series, which ran from 2006-2012, is full of racist, sexist, misogynistic, and homophobic elements (to be fair, GE wrote this as an intentionally darker satirical take on the superhero culture—and edgy shock factor is a writer’s strategy to make your work stand out). It was meant as a “dark, satirical commentary about the fictional superheroes—and, to an extent, the real life celebrities—we idolize, and how easily people with such power can abuse their responsibility” (source).

With what the TV showrunners had to work with, with the actual source material being a slog kinda to go through (the comics does have its share of good moments admittedly), as a whole I think it’s pretty impressive they’re able to update things to make modern social commentary which are relevant to us today (now, they can be admittedly a bit on the nose about it; one thing that stuck with me till now is how a writer friend I was watching the show with remarked how they’d thought BnHA did the superhero genre commentary much better) and somehow they were able to make a far superior TV adaptation just by paring down and changing a few things from the comics for the better so far (*knocks on wood 3x*). I will however always side-eye anyone who insist the comics is superior than the TV adaptation and loudly proclaim they won’t watch the show because “look how they massacred [insert comic character]” (now, to be fair, normally I would agree with this take but we’ve established The Boys (TV) is a special case; I would also understand if the comics had been the person’s first exposure and, hence, had become their fixation—but considering its intentionally offensive contents I am quietly side-eyeing them from the sidelines and keeping my mouth shut).

#the boys #the boys tv #homelander #butchlander #billy butcher x homelander #ask #kosmochlor #phoenix talks #personally I think it’s a bit of a cop out revealing Black Noir to be HL’s clone who did all the terrible things (incl. SAing Becca) #I understand why GE would do it though (the last minute reveal of BN = HL’s evil clone) #I clearly remember my friend refused to like HL until she found out the comic ending lore and then she was alright stanning HL in the show #I clearly remember it to this day bc the 1 thing she kept saying is ‘I hope they keep that comic reveal otherwise I feel guilty 4 liking HL’ #he’s essentially the skrunkly terrible no good bad pathetic man who is your murderous babygirl that you want ‘to see happy’ #bc said babygirl just wants to find ‘love’ (I say this both sarcastically and unironically) #the real villain is capitalism and the system that perpetuates the cycle #ty for the ask!

[mishkakagehishka]

Hostile Work Environment

A big thank you to @baltoslav who helped me proofread, edit and polish this <3

Fandom: Ensemble Stars!! Dynamic: (mild) yandere Mika Kagehira's one-sided crush on the Producer (they/them pronouns, use of (Y/N)), Producer who is creeped out by his obsessive behaviour (see note) Word count: 3531 Summary: The Producer grew tired of Mika's increasingly worrisome obsession with them and, for the sake of maintaining an environment they'd enjoy working in, chose to drop Valkyrie as their unit. However, Mika, who already suffers from a fear of abandonment, doesn't take it well in the least. Warnings: mild violence, injury and blood (of the nose), mentions of obsessive, jealous and unhealthy/toxic behaviour, implications of stalking, lots of descriptions of bodily fluids (snot, tears, saliva, mainly) Note: You ever get in the mood to just torture the hell out of your blorbo? That's all I'll say on the "why" topic. To explain the dynamic a little more, Mika is not meant to be sympathised with here. I lifted a lot from his canonical obsession-prone behaviour, but amped it enough that I thought whether or not this should be tagged as yandere (Ultimately, I decided to do it. While it does feel somehow "mild", the elements of obsession, stalking and jealousy are still there, and I'd rather make sure everything is properly tagged). I'd consider this "angst with a resolution" and a catharsis specifically because his behaviour earned him the Producer's frustration and all the action they took. I'm kinda blabbing, but I just like talking about the thought process behind some of the stuff I write. Anyway!

On that day, the ES building and all its staff were as busy as they always were. As the most brightly-shining gem of the nation’s idol industry, the ES building was known for the daily hustle and bustle, with moments of peace few and far between. The sounds of printers and staplers, the staff members going over schedules and contracts, stamping approvals as well as rejections, an adjustment here and a correction there – there was always more work to be done. Even the idols themselves, the privileged crème de la crème of society, could often be found running around the offices like mice in a labyrinth, eager to get their hands on the better jobs before a rival could steal it. And though conversations echoed and mixed throughout the building, the most interesting exchanges always took place behind the closed doors of the meeting rooms. It was in one such meeting room of the Cosmic Production offices that a producer and an idol were holding a one-on-one about work matters or, better said, about work problems. The idol – Mika Kagehira of Valkyrie – stood accused of inappropriate behaviour. To be sure, that wasn’t the first time he was accused of the same and the Producer, sick of it, simply had to take firm action this time. No matter how many times he was reprimanded, Mika’s behaviour had never corrected. Again and again, he treated them almost akin to an object of worship, obsessively following their every step and seemingly attempting to insert himself into their life as more than just an idol – all of which was highly inappropriate in a work setting. Not even to mention, the way he would always insist on walking the Producer to the station in the evenings, or how he always tried to shoo other idols away from them, even if it was for work, made them increasingly uncomfortable. After some time, even his overly enthusiastic greetings and entranced staring from the other side of the room were enough to put the Producer on edge. And that was simply no work environment to thrive in.

Thus, the Producer set up a meeting. Not to reprimand him once more – these warnings have proved time and time again to be futile – but to tell him they've had enough. Besides, it would be bad manners to abandon a client without informing them first. At least Valkyrie’s leader, Shu, took it in stride – in fact, he reacted quite aloof to the news of the Producer handing them off to another colleague of the P-Association (though Mademoiselle expressed sadness and understanding in equal measures, making them promise to at least stay in touch) – but they had an inkling that Mika would prove to be more difficult to deal with. Hence, the slightly informal setting and the privilege of a semi-private space.

Mika had arrived early, too excited for a one-on-one meeting with the Producer to risk being late. He was always like that with them: eager. Ecstatic to bask in their presence even if for mere moments. When the Producer had arrived, Mika was already seated at the table, fidgeting impatiently, bouncing his leg and tapping the desk with his fingers to the rhythm of a song that only existed in his mind. His eyes lit up the moment he saw his cherished Producer. Before he could even stand to greet them, however, they started speaking, “I’m switching to producing a different unit.” They hadn’t even made eye contact before cutting to the chase. The Producer didn’t want to give him even the hope of that day’s meeting being anything but cold, hard business. It left Mika in an awkward half-sitting pose, his smile frozen in place, too shocked to even frown. A moment of silence passed, during which the cogs in his head were very obviously spinning into overdrive trying to process the information he was just given. "I… dun understand. What're ya sayin', (Y/N)-chan?" "I already told you not to call me that at work,” they snapped. “I said I’m switching to producing a different unit. I’m dropping Valkyrie." “Ya can’t do that!” he protested, standing up so abruptly that the chair behind him slid backwards, nearly tipping over. “Y’ve been our producer all this time, ya can’t just… ditch us!” He took a step closer, and the Producer took two steps back. “Of course I can; Saegusa approved my request just this morning. From now on, Valkyrie’s work will be handled by-” “But why? Who’re ya switchin’ to? There ain’t no one here better than Valkyrie, so y’re just betrayin’ us fer nothin’ and- and-” "I’m not betraying anyone, I’m making a career decision.” A sigh. The Producer pinched the bridge of their nose, closing their eyes to gather their thoughts. “Deep breaths, Kagehira. It’s nothing to panic over."

There was a moment of hesitation, a moment in which Mika didn't know whether to obey or protest, but, ultimately, his trust and admiration for them overpowered his negative feelings. He closed his eyes, inhaled, exhaled. It wasn’t the first time he had felt so emotional, it wasn’t the first time the Producer had to guide him back to Earth – but he couldn’t help it! He has always been an emotional person, and the Producer just means so much to him. Even the way their words were able to ground him so easily was proof enough that he needed them. He couldn’t understand why they were going to switch so suddenly, he honestly couldn’t imagine a single reason for it – he didn’t want to, or maybe he couldn’t, think about it being his fault.

“Y’re abandonin’ us,” still, he pressed. “How could’ja? Was it… ‘s it my fault? N’ah, ‘m sorry, I dunno what I did, but I’m sorry, so, please, tell vice prez ya changed yer mind!” But the Producer was tired, irritated. They have had the conversation about his behaviour too many times already, Mika saying he had no idea what he had done only drained them further of their patience. They were done mincing their words just to appease him. “It is your fault, actually.” “Wha-” “How many times have I told you? Not to call me by my first name, not to invade my personal space, not to follow me after work, not to bother and harass me? Every single time,” they emphasised each word with a downwards motion of their fist, straightening their back to appear somewhat more assertive and taking a deep breath before continuing, “every single time when I, or a higher-up, told you to quit it, you’d behave for a week, maybe, before returning to your usual, disgusting behaviour. It is your fault! I love this job, that’s why I’m here, but even just- just seeing your face is enough to ruin my day now! I can’t work in these conditions, so I’m switching before you make me quit entirely.” A sniffle. Mika quickly looked away, rubbing his cheek with his hand. “Y’don’t mean that…” his voice was barely above a whisper, strained, shaky. “I do! And-” “You don’t. You don’t, you d-” though his face was out of the Producer’s sight, the sharp intake of air was enough for them to guess that he was on the verge of crying. He always was sensitive. “I never… I only…” he couldn’t even get a coherent sentence out. “Don’t interrupt me. You and your... obsession – you’ve really made me hate my dream job. So, I quit. I’m switching. I don’t want to work with a nasty creep like you any longer.” The Producer finally exhaled, shaking their frustration out through their hands.

Yet, they were somewhat proud of themselves for being able to finally lay out all their annoyance, all their exasperation with the idol. And it was more than that, really, because, even though their co-workers seemed to think of Mika as a relatively harmless young man, there was something so subtly off-putting about him; the Producer just didn’t want to risk it. Today, he asks them if the trip they haven’t told anyone they’d be taking was fun, tomorrow who knows what he will grow bold enough to do. Though they could have phrased it more diplomatically, considering his complete disregard of their comfort, the Producer didn’t feel the need to care much for Mika’s feelings, either. Another positive aspect of the one-on-one meeting – they didn’t have to worry about seeming unprofessional. And those were their final words to him, they were certain as they turned their back to him, reaching for the door.

But it only took a fraction of a second. Mika himself hadn't actually thought the action through, but in a moment he leapt up and towards them, encasing them in a back-hug. "Cruel… yer so cruel…!" he whispered, his voice cracking. "Please, I get it's my fault, but I can fix m'self… I can be good, please, I promise," he stuttered out. "Please, don't abandon Valkyrie… don't abandon me, (Y/N)- no, Producer! See? 'M really honest ‘bout tryin' my best!" "Get off me!" The Producer, on the other hand, was completely uncomfortable. They tried to shake him off, worming themselves around enough to pry their arms out of his grip. They turned to face Mika and deservingly punched him in the nose. With a yelp, he let go, his hands now pressing onto the assaulted area. A warm wetness, smeared droplets of blood glistened on his palm – it wasn’t a lot of blood, it wasn’t even a particularly hard punch, but enough to make him feel light-headed. "You… you hit me…” he choked out with a newly-nasally voice. “… You hit me!” he repeated as if he couldn’t believe it, as if he was trying to convince himself that it truly happened. Their eyes met. Mika’s widened, quivering gaze, and the Producer’s burning, yet equally shocked glare. Though the Producer was more shocked at Mika’s appearance than their own actions.

His cheeks were already red and blotchy, lips trembling in a frown, and those striking mismatched eyes were now emphasised further by his bloodshot, irritated sclerae. "I just wanted to- to…" he hiccupped, the crystalline tears that gathered in his eyes threatening to spill over, "I… I just… y’re so cruel!" And the dam broke. Mika's whole torso shook as he sobbed, one fist clenching over his chest while the other was busy catching the blood still dripping from his nose. "Y’re so cruel to me!" he accused, blamed. Again and again, as if he was trying to distance himself from his own mistreatment of the Producer, however much he thought said behaviour was good, by begging for sympathy. The Producer, not wanting anything to do with his outburst (and though they could reasonably explain the punch as self-defence, they still feared repercussions), was about ready to run off. Yet, once more, Mika stopped them. Mika, who had now thrown himself on the floor in front of them, grabbing at their legs to keep them from moving. Like a spoilt child, he clung to their knees, pulling down and towards him to the point that they felt like their legs were going to give out and they’d fall on him. It took all their strength to keep themselves upright in that moment – they would have never guessed Mika had that much strength in him.

"Don't leave! Please, don't leave me!" His speech was slurred even more than usual, made almost incomprehensible by the whines and sobs that accented them. He was getting choked up, barely breathing at this point. "I'll change, I'll be good, please, Producer, ple-ease, jus’ tell me wha’ta do t’ make ya stay! I'll do anythin’, please!" Frankly, between his desperate pleas and the way he was gripping the Producer's legs, squeezing the veins until they were near-ready to burst and form bruises, it was becoming pathetic. Repulsive. "I'm not gonna be a cr-creep anymore, please!" Mika's face was now fully laid against the Producer's thigh – which the Producer was not happy about in the least. They could feel his tears, blood, spit and snot soak through the fabric, and it just disgusted them. Recoiling, they tried to shake him off, first by pushing at his shoulders, then, when he only clung harder, by trying to kick him off, all to no avail. Reduced to a most undignified state, Mika was begging them to stay through loud, gross sobs, making promises he had already broken many times, promises that the Producer knew he wouldn’t keep. It made them regret choosing a one-on-one meeting. Surely, he wouldn’t be making such a scene if only they had convinced Shu to accompany them.

“I said let go!” “Not ‘til ya promise to give me another chance! Please!” His nails were digging into their skin even through the fabric, he clung to them desperately, as if he were drowning and they were the only thing keeping him afloat. With eyes filled to the brim with overflowing tears, he looked up at them. Truly, a beyond pathetic sight. “Please, don’abandon me, don’t hate me! Y’can hit me an’ yell at me an’ insult me more if ya wanna, but, please, just don’t leave me!” “You’re making me uncomfortable,” the Producer was firm, “let go this instant, or I’m going to… report you or something!” They were moments away from losing it, from screaming and yelling, but they kept that semblance of professionality that was trained so well into them. They refused to debase themselves by behaving like an animal – like he was behaving – though they were aware and ready to defend themselves with another punch if needed. The Producer tried to pry him off once more, but Mika didn’t budge. He only wailed louder, now fully hugging and squeezing his arms around the Producer’s knees. It felt like they were moving in circles, and even the Producer started feeling desperate. Ashamed. But they had to shake that feeling off – Mika wasn’t the victim here; he was only facing the consequences for his vile disregards of normal human decency. Despite Mika’s arms making it difficult to move, they managed just enough to hit his shoulder with their knee. This proved to be enough for him to let go momentarily, and the Producer took advantage of that to push him away from themselves. As he was already unstable in the position on his knees, it didn’t take much effort to push him on his behind once the support gained through the Producer’s legs was taken away. He stumbled backwards with an oomph, eyes squeezed shut.

“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” the Producer accused, vitriol in their voice, “and I don’t want anything to do with it.” “Don’say that…” Mika tried his best to wipe his tears with the back of his hand, sniffling and blubbering, though he ended up looking more of a mess with what was left of his nosebleed, mixed with his tears, now smeared on one of his cheeks. And the tears just kept falling, besides. He didn’t try to get up. “Don’t… sa-ay that…” he gasped out, the force of his cries making it hard to breathe. He was shaking his head in denial, bringing his hands up to pull on his hair. He didn’t want this to happen, he never wanted this to happen – they were never supposed to look at him with such repulsion. The dull throbbing in his temples signalled the beginnings of a headache, and his mouth was still filled with saliva as well as the blood that passed through his throat instead of his nostrils. “Even though I love ya like this… Why’re ya-” he hiccupped, unceremoniously choking on his spit. “Even though I lo-ove ya…” “Are you serious? Ew.” The Producer couldn’t help but cringe. “Is that why you were so sleazy this whole time? Because you liked me?!” They found it disturbing. The things Mika was doing to them – from the stalking to the violent jealousy over them – none of it was what a sane person would do to someone they liked. “I wasn’t… ‘M sorry, I’m…” a wheeze, “‘M sorry, I just wan-wanted ya to love me back, I dun want’cha to ha-ate me…” With every rasp, every cough, he shivered and pawed at his chest, trying to ease the pain in his lungs, trying to breathe. But his breath hitched, his throat kept closing up, and the slimy spit that filled his mouth as a result of all the crying didn’t help. Mika kept his eyes to the floor, ashamed to look at the Producer in that state. To say he didn’t quite plan on confessing like this goes without saying. He felt like his whole world was turned upside-down, like his whole life was swiftly ruined in a matter of minutes. “Good thing I switched, then. That’s so… Revolting.” “Stop…” He felt humiliated. Taking a deep, shaky breath, he finally leaned forward, grasping desperately at the linoleum floors. He was shivering like he was running a nasty fever, leaning on one hand while the other clutched his mouth. Desperately trying to hold in his sobs, he didn’t want to repulse his Producer any more than he already did. But even just that – the realisation that he repulsed them – made him want to sob even louder, made him want to cry and scream until his voice goes hoarse. He didn’t want this. His head was about to burst, his eyes and throat burnt, he was tired. He was tired.

Mika had no idea that this was what his day was going to turn into when he received word from his (now former) Producer about this meeting. Even at his most pessimistic, he would never have guessed that he would find himself crawling on the floor like a cockroach – a small, worthless, disgusting abomination – slobbering, bleeding, crying, while they only looked at him. He was afraid to meet their eyes again, to see their expression, but he did. He wished he hadn’t. There was no empathy, no patience, no warmth in their eyes. They looked at him only with disgust. They looked downright revolted by the sight of Mika. He sometimes wondered, maybe even fantasised about it – his Producer looking at him as if he was less than human, mistreating him, insulting him. Just a (somewhat) innocent idea he entertained during the slower hours of his part-time jobs, a concept he initially thought exhilarating. But experiencing it was completely different to thinking about it. Maybe it was because, in his mind, the Producer loved him back, maybe because his thoughts were of his own fully controlled world. Maybe because he was used to his Teacher’s criticisms always holding a certain degree of affection to them, that he expected it would be the same with the Producer. But it wasn’t. And there he now laid, crying and begging for mercy, for them to see from his point of view, to see how much he loves them, that he’d do anything for them, that he doesn’t deserve this. But nothing the real Producer was saying was out of love. The opposite, actually. It made chills run down his spine, and another round of waterworks come on. The tears ran easier down his already wettened cheeks, and he looked away once more, feeling as if his depravity had stripped him of the right to gaze at them, to behold them. He loves them, but they’re disgusted with him. “You hate me…” he whispered, rubbing his face, trying desperately to wipe away the tears that were overflowing faster than he could catch them. “I do.” His breaths were becoming more and more unstable, painful. He was trying to keep his sobs in, but all it did was tighten his chest – all it did was hurt him further. Mika’s heart was about to burst, split into a million tiny little pieces. He was certain he was dying – but he’d have preferred that to this humiliation, this injustice. Mika was certain he didn’t do anything wrong, that his love was so pure, so honest. He thought that all that he was doing, his interest in the Producer’s private life, remembering the small details about them, keeping them safe, he thought that all that would only endear him to them. That, when he finally confessed, they would know he was the one because of all those actions. And instead, he’s being degraded, humiliated, insulted and rejected.

“I’m leaving. Don’t ever talk to me again.” The room was spinning around him, he was sure he couldn’t even feel his legs anymore, feeling lost, feeling disoriented. Feeling wronged. But he could clearly see them turning and leaving, not even sparing him a second glance. “Wait, (Y/N)-chan, wait, please-!” He tried to get up, but his knees buckled, and he was back on the floor in moments. He felt so helpless. Beaten and broken, deprived of what he felt was owed to him, what he felt he deserved. Instead of his Producer’s loving embrace, all he had was the cold floor and his tears. “Wait, please, don’ leave me… Don’ leave me!” he pleaded desperately, nauseatingly. In vain. And the door slammed shut. And the idol was alone.

#tbh i was on the fence ab posting it bc it almost feels /too/ weird... but i guess i've written and posted weirder stuff? #maybe slightly weird and off-putting fics with no actual romance in them can be my niche lmao #ensemble stars #enstars fanfiction #mika kagehira #kagehira mika #stalking tw #mild violence tw #reader insert #enstars angst #angst fic #my writing #yandere #yandere ensemble stars

[corvidcrybaby]

20 Author Questions

Shout-out to @the-frankenman-writes for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

4 - I actually only started publishing fics a little over a year ago and my main project has been a still-running longfic so I haven't been able to build up much of an archive thus far LOL.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

408,653. The longfic is a fucking TOME.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment, just Hellsing. I do intend to publish some Castlevania fanfiction soon, and I've got a couple of larger OC fics planned for Demon Slayer and My Hero Academia.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Guess I'm listing all my fics in order with an empty bottom slot, oopsie!

formulas fatal to the flesh - Alucard (Hellsing)/Transfemme Jewish Reader fic that also serves as the "pilot" for my OC longfic. I originally started writing this as a means of exploring my sexuality in the wake of HRT changing a lot of things about my desires whilst also issuing a love letter to my favorite series. Then everything got intense.

2. Interview With the Impaler - Alucard (Hellsing)/Transfemme Reader. This was me trying out some new ideas with how I write Alucard as well as just trying to contribute to the transfemme reader insert pool. It's really nice when you don't have to mentally change the genitals of the reader insert you're reading about to put yourself in their shoes and enjoy the fantasy, so I like providing more of it.

3. lesions of a different kind - Alucard Hellsing/Transfemme Jewish OC. My longfic, my baby, my first foray into long-form storytelling. She's choppy, she's unhinged, she's full of bigger ideas than I know what to do with, but damn it all, I'm having fun with her. This is the main story of Zemira Shani Makhabi, my homebrewed blorbo and shameless self-critique. She started out as a reader insert before I decided to turn her into a golem allegory full of meta commentary on what it means to relate to a fictional character. That, and so much BDSM shit like oh man so FUCKING much.

4. Operation: GREENHOUSE - Pip Bernadotte (Hellsing)/Zemira Shani Makhabi. In dead last, a fic involving a character who is unfortunately not very popular to write about, but I happen to find incredibly hot in his own right. Technically AU of an AU fic too? IDK man I just wanted to write steamy smut about these two because I thought their dynamic was fun bwahahaha

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely I do! They really motivate me to continue and I love connecting with people based on how they perceive my work.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

MWEHEHEHEHE that'd be Interview With the Impaler. I used the Mean Alucard tag for a reason. I may continue this story yet tbh, because I could make it ever angstier.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Operation: GREENHOUSE. Just ends with those two snuggling and teasing each other. Easy shit.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I'm extremely lucky to have never gotten a mean comment and hope it never happens.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

LITERALLY EVERYTHING I WRITE IS SMUT BWAHAHAHAHA I lean heavy on a few tropes - maledom/femsub shit, mind break/hypnosis/heat/etc, and a constant obsession with men's hands. Hands in general, tbh, I get really horny about hands.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've never published a crossover but I like the idea of one. I would need to find two series which I REALLY wanted to compare and contrast.

11. Have you ever had a fiction stolen?

None that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

See above

13. Have you ever co-writtten a fic before?

Nothing that's published, but a pal of mine and I are cooking something cool up rn... You know who you are.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

ALUTEGRA BAYBEEEEEEEEEEE my beloved genderfuck angst-fest full of questions about monstrosity vs. humanity and forbidden desires and old souls and and and and look do you know how hard it is to have an OTP that literally never touch in the original series

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't have any right now but I live in constant fear I'll wake up one day without the drive to finish Lesions. That would make me so sad.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can write really visceral gore and snappy action scenes, I can construct a layered character like a motherfucker, and I'm pretty damn good at dialogue, I think.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

OOF. Plot. Fucking PACING. I feel like my stories can sometimes feel like super compelling personalities flopping about in a sandbox. Which can work, for some cases, but I try to deliver on the promise of a compelling plot.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It really depends. I've seen writers do it with tags for the translated words? It seems to work best for small, potent exchanges.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think this honor actually goes to Pokemon. I was doing a Nuzlocke comic once upon a time!

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Probably Lesions, thus far, lol

Tags: @neet0 @rotten-hearts-sharp-teeth @brunette-barbie42

#thanks for the tag! #writing quibbles #tag game

[shinelikethunder]

Regarding your tags about Good Omens not making your brain go brrrr - it's really interesting because early on while I was watching the new season, I found myself asking, like, "Is this actually good or do I just enjoy it?" And very quickly I decided the answer was "Well, you see, I enjoy it so much."

But as a result I've been thinking a lot about how I define whether or not a story is "good" because surely that indefinable quality of Makes Brain Go Brrrrrr should figure into it somewhere. And there's the inverse phenomenon to account for, of things that are like a dead fish to the fictive libido. I think that might be even more subjective, though.

It's not that I think quality is a totally meaningless concept when assessing art, I've just been thinking I might need to make more space within my metric for things like "joy" and "energy" and "vibrates my brain like a tumble dryer". As opposed to seeing those things as incidental and trying to take my own emotional response out of the equation.

it's a factor for sure, but if SPN proves anything, it's that "vibrates my brain like a tumble dryer" can be completely orthogonal to quality and enjoyment... sometimes the vibration is from canon having a two-for-one flash sale on hate crimes and writing crimes, y'know? sometimes episodes i find genuinely excruciating make me want to dissect them like bugs. (and on the flip side, there are plenty of works i do very much love on their artistic merits and enjoy, but not in the specific way that makes me want to scream in the tags of a tumblr gifset.)

like, yeah, variants of that Roger Ebert Reviews The Mummy (1999) reaction of "i can't even say what this has to recommend it except that i enjoyed the shit out of every minute of it" do deserve space as merits in their own right, but also, for me personally at least, that Brain Go Brr quality of... investment? engagement? obsessive need to poke at it and roll around in it and rotate it on the blorbo rotisserie?... doesn't necessarily have a straightforward relationship with quality or enjoyment. see previous reblog tags re: liking nbc hannibal perfectly well the first time around, but only losing my absolute shit over it when approaching via some borderline-unreadable thomas harris nonsense that managed to sink the first hooks in. and also many previous rants about the brain-go-brr-ness of rtd's doctor who being at its height when the show was most direly in need of fixing.

all of which is kind of a digression from good omens 2, which provoked neither fandom brainrot nor any particularly strong other type of enjoyment - i was sitting there going "this is... nice i guess?" amidst an increasingly acute realization that whatever quality of the book it was that originally hooked me in, pratchett's barbed sense of humor was absolutely vital for making the silliness land for me. i wish everyone who can get in their OTP Feelings about GO2 the joy of it, and will mostly be saluting from a distance as i scroll past on the dash. it seems to have succeeded reasonably well at the things it set out to do--and it turns out those things didn't do it for me, on any of the levels i might've wanted them to. the strange nature of it all is, i'd probably have much more specific criticisms if it had grabbed me.

#fandom #queerfables

[giddlygoat]

tbh i did not know who cyrus borg is nor have i ever interacted with the ninjago fandom but i am obsessed about him. blorbo via osmosis.

anyways if you have any headcanons about him i would like to hear them :3c

cyrus borg my beloved blorbo babygirl <3

thank you for asking about this man. he is like a chew toy for my brain. hold onto your butt bc it’s 2 am as of writing this and that’s when all the big brained stuff happens 

in his mid/late thirties and slaying <3 he started his tech business at about 17 and now he’s got a crazy monopoly on like half the city but it’s okay bc he’s a kind philanthropist and actually treats his employees like human beings so no one cares that he’s effectively one of the most powerful men in the city lmao 

i see cyrus as autistic and adhd tbh. the way he gets so hyper focused on his work that he literally does not perceive anything else around him is a bit too relatable, and he strikes me as a very brilliant man who simply does not retain information unimportant to his interests. he could tell you the precise components of the most advanced computers and explain their relationships with one another, but hell if he knows who the president is. you’re lucky if he even remembers what day it is. this man constantly uses reminders and alarms for sure. 

he’s on the aroace spectrum i think. i’m not exactly sure how but he just gives me those vibes. 

also transmasc swag tbh?? i think i’ve seen that hc around and it goes hard 

hear me out. cyrus listens to rap. this is based on absolutely nothing at all i just know it with my very being. he likes stuff with fast, predictable and heavy beats. would totally blast shit like masquerade by siouxxie sixxsta at full volume in his office. it helps him get in the zone. idk what to tell you man [<- 100% projection] 

cyrus is like. absolutely fascinated by zane. he admires dr julien’s work so much and wants to study zane under a microscope. as he gets to know zane better personally though, i think he would realize that he has been looking at things through the lense of an engineer for so long that he forgot zane was just like his human family. it’s not that he ever viewed zane as simply a machine, quite the opposite - he fully acknowledged that dr julien had created a full person, and an incredible one at that - but cyrus still has to remind himself that people don’t like being poked and prodded. [the moment he makes the mental connection between zane getting put on an examination table and himself getting operated on by the overlord against his will, he realizes the error in his line of thinking] 

oh yeah. the trauma! yeah cyrus might be just a little bit majorly fucked up over the overlord thing. the overlord did amputate his right arm after all, which leaves him with only one fully functioning limb. he still has nightmares about it. getting used to a prosthetic arm wouldn’t have been such a hurdle if the overlord had put any sort of thought or care into the operation, but it left him severely scarred up and just fucked in general. however! as the years pass he becomes pretty much fully accustomed to his situation and doesn’t let it inhibit his creative passions. 

also when zane died in s3 cyrus was super broken up about it and blamed himself for it in part. then, not days later his daughter disappeared for reasons he would not understand until like a year later, which totally messed him up. he inevitably threw himself into his work in an effort to not feel anything. he didn’t take very good care of himself during this time. when zane returned from chen’s island, he let pixal explain everything to cyrus, who was just glad they were alive, but the whole situation took a really long time to get over. 

when he’s hyper focused he forgets to eat/sleep etc and can run on fumes for hours before his body suddenly becomes a wet paper towel in a parking lot at 3 am and he has to konk out at his desk. thankfully he has people looking out for him, and he’s slowly getting better about it, but once he gets started sometimes the only way to stop is by brute force. 

i absolutely love @alanshee’s amazing cyrus headcanons, so you should totally go check out her takes. she has some really cool headcanons about his 16 robot children [in reference to a line where cyrus mentioned pixal was the 16th iteration, i believe] and they always make me smile so big. a lot of my headcanons are inspired by her stuff! 

[sorry for the late ass reply it’s been a crazy week and then i forgot rip but thank you sm for the ask!!!]

#asks #cyrus borg #ninjago #headcanons and theories

[leothil]

Anon who asked Evcndiaz about disconnect between old and new fandoms. I partially meant following, since bigger and older blogs rarely follow newer ones. But I also meant things like reading fics by new authors that aren’t established 911 writers, or even reblogging newer users’ meta posts and gifs. It feels like the big blogs in this fandom really only engage with each other’s work and that can be disheartening to new fans who want to share their work with a community that doesn’t actually seem interested in what they’re putting out. (I don’t mean this in a guilt tripping way, of course no one is entitled to attention and you don’t need to engage with content you don’t like. It just feels like sometimes our work isn’t even given a chance since we haven’t been here for that long.)

Hi, thanks for clarifying! I do have a few thoughts about this!

Obviously I can only speak for myself, but I do think many others have at least similar experiences. When you first enter a new fandom you usually find lots of new blogs to follow, and there's a lot of new content to engage with. But at some point you start feeling like you get everything you need from your dash and you stop actively following new people whose content get reblogged onto your dash. It still happens, of course, but at least I'm much less likely to start following someone at this point than I was in fall 2021 when I joined the fandom. And it's not because newer and/or unfamiliar blogs are doing anything wrong, your dash is just saturated and the threshold for starting to follow someone becomes higher.

I think finding new fic authors suffer from the same saturation. After being in fandom for a while, you've usually found a good batch of authors that write in a style you like, and if they're still putting out new fics to read, trying out an unfamiliar author is an extra step to take in the process. But that's not to say it doesn't happen! I keep finding new authors I like, just at a much slower speed than in my early days in this fandom. I'm also reading less fanfiction overall right now, and I think that also applies to a lot of people who've been in the fandom longer. And that also makes the process of trying out a new fic author more tedious, as you tend to prioritize new fics from authors you already know you enjoy.

When it comes to meta posts I've also noticed that many of those I've seen lately tend to discuss things that have already been talked about a lot in the fandom. Newer people in the fandom have no way of knowing that, of course, but many times when I've skimmed a post my reaction has been "well, yeah, we talked about this at length back in the break between 5A and 5B" or whatever. So there's no net new information, you know?

It is sad if newer members of the fandom feel like they're being kept out of the community, because I definitely don't want anyone to feel like that, but I do get why the situation is what it is right now. I don't really have any good solution to offer up either, other than to try not feel discouraged if your posts don't seem to get noticed by older fans, which is a pretty meh advice. I'm not sure exactly when you entered the fandom, but if it was during this hiatus, I remember the fandom always coming together and mixing much more while the show is airing and we get new material to obsess over. I found several new favourite fic authors last spring while 6B was airing!

And even if you follow me and I don't follow you back, that doesn't mean I'm not open to talking to you! I love talking weewoo with friends, mutuals, followers, and anons, and my inbox is always open for chatting, requesting or giving fic recs, or exchanging thoughts about our blorbos.

#thanks for turning up in my inbox! i hope you understand my perspective as well! #and again - this is just my experience. #ask frida #anon