#tumblr/bathroom fixtures

[galleryyuhself]

Galleryyuhself - That turquoise wallpaper gives me the ick!

#galleryyuhself/T&Z Home Improvement #galleryyuhself/home goods #galleryyuhself/home #tumblr/T&Z #tumblr/bathroom fixtures #tumblr/trinidad and tobago #tumblr/home appliances and accessories #tubs #showers #T&Z #Home Improvement #jacuzzi's

[dear-ao3]

well good day to all of you. i have a tale. a classified, certified absolute god tier disaster of a tale.

at the ripe hour of 6:45 am i was awoken from my slumber by a Noise. what sort of noise? you might be asking.

the sort of noise that usually accompanies my father getting up at the ass crack of dawn and trying not to turn on the tap loudly so that he doesnt wake us up.

for one blissful moment i thought that i was at home, in my bed, and all was right with the world.

and then i remembered that i live approximately four hours away from my parents and all is not right with the world.

so i did what any person would do. waited for the noise to go away.

but it did not.

so i investigated. in all my bleary eyed glory.

and found that my bathroom ceiling light was pissing.

not just a little either.

a severe, unauthorized amount of water was streaming out of my bathroom light fixture.

so after banging on katyas door and finding a bucket and throwing on a sweatshirt i dragged my tired ass down to the front desk and reported the tea as it were.

now one thing you need to know about our building is that it is old. the second thing you need to know about our building is that the maitenance guys (we call them the boys) are absolutely incredible, like tumblr funny guy posts but irl, however they take for fucking ever to respond to any situation.

this time though, nothing was in clear danger of exploding or lighting on fire. so we made some breakfast. drank some coffee. watched the bucket that we had put in the bathroom fill up with water. and we waited.

and waited.

and waited some more.

then i noticed that if you stepped on some of our kitchen floor tiles they started squelching.

so back downstairs i went and explained the tea as it were once again.

and let it be known, that i worked for two very solid and very miserable years as a resident assistant in college. i know all about the woes of people complaining to you to fix things that you cannot fix and you cannot tell them when it will be fixed because the person who needs to do the fixing is otherwise indisposed. so my general attitude towards this whole situation was "hey man you can't make this better for me and im really not pressed about it as long as someone eventually comes and sorts out my pissing ceiling." which is a great attitude to have in this general situation. and especially so because it was about to get even more strange.

at approximately 9:30am our apartment was graced by the presence of one of the boys. the maintenance man. we will call him james.

we have encountered james before. he delt with our fuse box nearly exploding. that situation was not nearly as chill as this one was.

hes also incredible.

so he comes in and he goes "hey how's it going" and i say "well you know things are just leaking!"

he proceeds to tell us that the fridge in the apartment above us had a connection pipe that froze and exploded some how and that managed to leak all into our apartment. not nearly what i was expecting but hey! at least they know what's going on!

we tell him about the squelching tiles and he says that he will bring us a dehumidifier after he turns off the water and deals with the mess of the fridge above us. we say ok great! this is wonderful!

and he goes to leave the apartment. out of habit i had locked the door when he entered. he goes "aw man did you lock me in?"

and i say

"oh sorry!"

and he pauses.

and he looks at our door in disbelief. perhaps even utter horror.

and this, my lovely audience, is what he was looking at:

surprisingly. he was not staring at the entertainment for man and horse plaque that katya and i found while thrifting. nay. he was staring at the unfortunate combination of the printed photo of lando norris and max verstappens face.

now why are lando norris and ax verstappen on the back of my door? you might be asking. you might even be asking who they are.

and if youve been following the lore of this blog, you might recognize them as formula 1 drivers. lando norris of course being a mclaren driver and max verstappen being the reigning world champion of team red bull.

and how did they wind up on my door? well at christmas katya thought it would be funny to put a picture of lando norris on top of our christmas tree and so we got one printed at cvs but when you get wallet sized photos printed they print you four of them so we ended up with four of the same photo of lando. one went on the tree, one went to my sister, one is in our bathroom and now one is on the back of our door.

as for max. well. katyas partner drinks red bull and he was on the red bull box so we cut him out and stuck him there. neither of us are particularly big max fans, it was just funny.

but anyway. i digress.

james is standing there staring at this array of perplexing stuff and goes.

"really? him??"

and i go

"yeah..." not knowing what else to say.

and james turns. and he looks at us. and he goes. and i shit you the absolute fuck not.

"now what's wrong with lewis hamilton???"

(sir lewis hamilton being the mercedes f1 driver, 7 time world champion and absolute icon)

and katya and i go

"oh no no! we love lewis hamilton! we just respect him too much to put him on the door!"

which is true

and james goes "now what did you think of him going to ferrari?"

and i say "i thought it was an interesting choice"

and katya says "i was surprised."

and james says "you and me both" and then he shuts the door behind him.

katya and i look at eachother. and we both fall to the floor in fits of laughter.

let it be known that james has come face to face with a giant tapestry of mr worldwide mr 305 pitbull himself that is in our bathroom, on several occasions, and yet, he chooses to comment on our choice of formula 1 driver that is taped to the back of our door.

im still in a state of disbelief. my ceiling is still pissing. my floor is still squelching. and my maintenance man felt the need to call our my choice of formula 1 driver at 9:30 on a saturday morning.

#not a tag #from saph #help #what #f1 #lando norris #sir lewis hamilton

[eveandtheturtles]

"The Bath Tub Incident"

Pairing: Bayverse!Leo X You

Summary: A little mishap in your apartment ends with you needing to stay a bit with the brothers. They are curious what happened.

Rating: Strong T for some words and topic I guess lol

A/N: everyone mentioned are 20+ y.o.

A/N2: do you ever see a post on Tumblr and it is too fucking funny to not torment Leo with it? Here we go.

Tag train: @madammuffins @tinkabelle19 @leosgirl82 @sharpwindow @raphsmuneca @m1dnyt3-w0lf @pheradream-15 @kikithedreamerwriter @fyreball66 @dilucsflame33 @scholastic-dragon

"Hey, Leo?" Donnie looked at his eldest brother over the breakfast table.

"Yeah?" Leo replied then took a bite of his sandwich.

"Not that I have any business in it but I think we both are kind of wandering," Donnie took a glance at Mikey and Raph, who were now listening in like hawks. "And don't get me wrong I love your girlfriend, we all do..."

"Can you just get to the point?" Leo hated when Donnie was beating around the bush like that. He knew exactly where the genius bastard was going. He was mortified of the question but like, just get over it.

"Right, so how exactly did that bathtub brake?"

"Well, Donnie, as you said before it isn't-" Leo started, through his gritted teeth.

"We tried to have sex in it and we slipped," you cut him off.

Leo covered his face. Here it comes.

"I TOLD YOU!" Mikey jumped up banging hands on the table. He started silly dancing around the table. "I was right, I was right, oh yeah. Who's right? It's Mikey!"

Raph was too busy howling in laughter, while Donnie looked like the smuggest motherfucker on Earth.

"This is what I was trying to avoid!" Leo hissed to you.

You shrugged and stuffed your mouth with pancakes. "What were you going to tell them? That the Foot invaded my bathroom?"

The look on his face told you everything.

"Oh, my god!" You swallowed quickly not to choke on your food.

"I was going to stage things up a little!" He tried to defend himself.

"Like how?!"

"I don't know!" He threw his hands up.

Next to you Raph was crying laughing, his head on the table banding his fist on it.

"You ripped my shower fixture and bent my tub! You wanted to add more to the damage cost?!" You gaped at the audacity.

"It seemed like good idea at the time!" Leo hid his face in his hands. Hiding his shame.

"Y'all owe me 20 bucks!!" Mikey shouted from across the lair. His arms in the air. Hero posing.

"You are so lucky your dick snapped last night bc I swear to god-" You started and Leo made a whiny noise.

Donnie made a zoom on Leo's face. This was going into family archive of the most embarrassing breakfasts folder.

#eve scribbles #tmnt 2016 #bayverse turtles #tmnt #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2014 #tmnt fanfiction #leo x you #tmnt leo #tmnt leonardo #leo x reader #leonardo x reader #leo bayverse

[ceramiccity]

Modern Chevron Bathroom Decor

funky bathroom designed for the REVOLVEsocialclub - Elegant bathroom with chevron-patterned walls, marble sink, gold fixtures, and stylish wall sconces. Follow Ceramic City on Tumblr Source: https://www.pinterest.com/theceramiccity/

#modern #design #product design #home #decor #decoration #home decor #home design #interiors #interior design #living room #bedroom #kitchen #buildings #architecture #furniture #furniture design #industrial design #minimalism #minimal #living rooms #lighting design #lights #bathroom

[ariadnelives]

Dokkaebi Fire - A Short Story

Author's Note: The bulk of this story takes place during the events of "Force Majeure," directly between chapters 8 and 9, during the crew's time in hiding in Xiagu. It is not intended to be read in sequence. If you'd like to catch up on the series so far, you can do so on ao3 or tumblr.

“Cookie?” Pilar called into the flat as she entered, not waiting to be let in. “It's me today. Ariadne's making final preparations for her surgery tomorrow, but she'll be by as soon as she's back on her feet.”

Aoibheann sat on the armchair in the living room, pointed at the television which appeared to be carrying a local news broadcast from one of Saturn's other moons. She had a blanket draped over her lap, and she watched the news broadcast idly, taking in none of it.

“Remember, starting tomorrow, Ariadne won't remember anything beyond the six-month point in our stay here, and we have to keep it that way, so, be careful what you say around her.” Pilar laughed without joy.

Aoibheann did not.

“You know,” Pilar tacked on, “I'm a complete liar. You could dime out the whole plan and I'm pretty sure me and Ari would absolutely leap for joy as long as it meant you were talking again.”

Aoibheann glanced over at Pilar wistfully, dark circles under her eyes, but said nothing. These little responses indicated their old friend could still hear them in there, that they could get through to her, even if she couldn't muster the strength to respond. She'd barely spoken since they lost the station. She was usually a tightly-wound powder keg, full of fire and passion, and she had to direct it towards her purpose or else she’d explode. Now, it was like all that fire inside her had gone out, and all that was left of her was an exhausted shell of a woman.

She seemed able to move around on her own, but rarely found the motivation to do so. She had grown somewhat thin and gaunt, as she only ate when fed, so every day, Pilar or Ariadne or one of her apprentices would stop by to see her and make sure she ate. Sasha had been spreading herself far too thin on Ariadne's project, but still found time to check in on her and monitor her physical health. Her apprentices had removed all sharp objects, belts, and shoelaces from the premises, but Pilar thought that was overkill. She had known Aoibheann long enough to know she would never physically harm herself. Still, it didn't make it easy to watch her torture herself like this.

Pilar sat next to her, and gently took her hand.

“I hate having to feed you this stuff, Cookie,” she said, opening up a small gray package she'd brought with her. “Replicated MREs. No wonder Baltimore and Beam went to a convenience store twice a week when they were in the army.”

Aoibheann looked with disdain at the lump of meat before her, served with a mush that could only be described as “prepared grain.” She hated eating it as much as Pilar hated serving it to her.

In their small hidden town of Xiagu, all of the food came out of the replicators. Xiagu had a surplus of energy, with its passive solar collection and years of nobody to use the stored power, so nobody was worried about the expenditure of creating food and water from reserves.

Back on the station, they had only managed to earmark power for replicator use two years previously. Like most spacecraft, all of the water fixtures were powered by replicators, generating as much water as needed from a stored bank of energy, which was in turn refilled by a device in the drains which converted waste-water into energy. The food replicator could make prepared meals, but crew members would only be allowed to use it if they could make up the energy cost. This happened pretty naturally, as everybody had to use the bathroom regularly and could credit this to their account, and had the handy benefit of encouraging people to clean up after themselves-- every time you emptied your trash into the energy-reclamation chute, you added replicator energy to your canteen account.

However, back home, most people didn't bother to use the replicators, because truly, Cookie's food was better fresh than anything they could produce, and she loved making it. Here in Xiagu, however, the replicators had nothing but military-grade “Meals Ready to Eat” and raw ingredients programmed into them. When the town was alive, there had been gardens to produce the vegetables, and people to tend them, harvest them, and cook them in the many small restaurants. Now, all that was left was replicators.

Cookie's star apprentice, Yellow, had been put in charge of the replicators while Cookie was indisposed, and had very few requests for anything other than the prepared MREs since they'd been there. Everyone on the crew was required to learn to cook, from Cookie, and nobody particularly felt up to trying to fill her shoes. Everyone had pretty much accepted meals of nondescript lumps of meat, vegetables, and starches on the firm belief that any day now, Cookie would be back on her feet, doing what she loved.

Yellow was the one in charge of food distribution, and had desperately been asking Ariadne to authorize them to reopen Cookie's kitchen, with her at the helm, until Cookie was well enough to resume her post. It's what Cookie would want, she insisted, but Ariadne was taking Cookie's condition unusually poorly, and had refused to allow the kitchen to operate without Cookie present. Yellow was frustrated, but understood. Nobody would feel right about having communal meals like before without Cookie.

Pilar carefully cut up the packaged meal and fed bites to Cookie, who halfheartedly complied with each bite. She offered her a cup of tea, which Cookie held for warmth but wouldn't drink without prompting.

“Look, Aoibheann...” Pilar said, “I know you're not well. I know this has been harder on you than anyone.”

Cookie met her gaze.

“But I don't...” Pilar began, and choked. “I don't think Ariadne will go through with this with you in this condition. She cares about you too much. You know what you mean to her. To me. She's not going to put herself at risk until she knows you're okay.”

Aoibheann looked downcast.

“She needs you,” Pilar whispered. “I need you. Please come back to us.”

****

Aoibheann's mind drifted back to when she’d met Ariadne and Pilar, thirteen years previously. She had been living on the streets for two years and had only passing contact with Pilar. She had been homeless since the Hanguk-Éire massacre, when Susan Weaver’s bombs had incinerated her family’s house and restaurant, left her and her mother destitute, and claimed her father’s life. Her mother had turned to drugs to cope with the loss, and ultimately found herself bleeding out in the gutter after an altercation with a pusher who she couldn’t pay for her latest fix.

She had distrusted the new girl at first. In her experience, another new person living under the overpass was another person who might get to the good scraps before her. She didn’t need any more competition. There was, however, a certain unspoken respect between her and the Aguilar girls. They were the only kids living on the streets of that particular block, and they had to look out for one another. They didn’t talk much, but they had struck up an arrangement. Pilar needed to go foraging to keep Sasha fed, and knowing that she would have to dig through trash bins and steal from loosely-guarded shops to make this happen, she felt it was too dangerous to bring her nine-year-old sister along with her.

So, she struck up an arrangement with Aoibheann: if she kept Sasha safe while she went out on runs, Pilar would try and steal a little extra food so Aoibheann could eat as well. Pilar and Sasha had been squatting in an abandoned house on a nearby side-street, and Aoibheann could crash there in exchange for keeping an eye on Sasha. It was shelter, and food, and it was a better deal than she was getting anywhere else. Under normal circumstances, Aoibheann would’ve developed a mighty crush on Pilar, but crushes were the sorts of things normal girls got to have. Aoibheann needed to focus on staying alive.

The new girl had been Racquel when they met. She had been raving about how the world was going to end, a secret conspiracy to reign atomic hellfire onto the bio-domes. It was the standard fare of the doomsaying lunatic, so nobody paid her much mind, but she’d named Ramos and Ramos specifically in her raving, and that caught Pilar’s attention. Nobody hated the Ramoses like Pilar, although Aoibheann didn’t yet know why.

So, Pilar and Racquel started going out on runs together. Suddenly, they were bringing back more than enough food, not only for the four of them, but they even got to share it with the others under the bridge. One day, they came home clean, wearing fresh clothes, and carrying a bundle of new clothes under their arm. They told her that Racquel’s name was Ariadne now, and that they would be needing her help a lot more often. They’d found some sort of mentor, who would “get them out of here,” but they’d need to spend hours, even days, with her at a time.

Aoibheann wasn’t a fool. She knew that if they succeeded in getting out of here, that she would be left behind. She couldn’t, however, risk being thrown out on the street. She’d watch Sasha and crash on the floor of this abandoned townhouse as long as they’d let her.

Sasha seemed like such a little kid then, although Aoibheann knew on a logical level that she was only three years older.

“If you could be anything in the world when you grow up,” Sasha had asked her one day, while the other girls had been away at their mysterious mentor’s for a few days, “what would you be?”

“I’m just trying to grow up,” Aoibheann said, “if I can make it that far, I’ll see what I can get.”

Sasha scrunched her nose. “You’re not playing the game right.”

“I’m being realistic,” Aoibheann said.

Sasha breezed past this. “I’m going to be a doctor when I grow up.”

Aoibheann considered pointing out that Sasha had a third-grade education and no money, but thought better of it, and instead just sighed. “Well, it’d be a crying shame if you starved to death before then,” she said. “Let’s see what your sister left us.”

Aoibheann looked at the handful of scraps Pilar had left on the table. Pilar had stolen them an entire rotisserie chicken, which Aoibheann had admonished her for-- the abandoned house did not have a working refrigerator, she pointed out, so she’d have to use the meats straightaway or they would quickly spoil and attract flies-- and several cans of diced white potatoes, which Pilar figured would keep Sasha’s stomach full, but Aoibheann pointed out had very little nutritional value. This was, of course, in addition to the six chocolate bars Pilar had, being thirteen years old, been sure to nab on her little excursion.

Aoibheann had nothing in the way of seasonings, except for a variety of salt and pepper packets she’d taken from a loosely-supervised outdoor seating area at a nearby restaurant, as well as, on one extremely lucky day, three sets of cheap silverware and a bottle of hot sauce.

She did, however, have access to a small metal trash can with a lid, water from a neighbor’s hose spigot-- Aoibheann felt bad about this, because water was so tightly regulated on Mars and the owner would surely be steeply charged for the waste, but this was a low priority compared to their survival-- and an old gas stove that the new girl had rigged up to illegally supply them with heat.

Aoibheann had cut the meat off the bones of the rotisserie chicken and plopped the bones into the cold water with all the fat and gristle, and opened up a few of the salt packets into the mixture. She put it on the stove and let it heat up to a boil, then turned down the gas and watched as the mixture turned a translucent yellow. She eventually fished out the bones with her knife, and dumped all the potatoes, and the meat from the chicken, into the broth.

After it had stewed for a while, Aoibheann took a taste. It was thin, watery, and somewhat bland, but it would do for the time being. Using the now-empty potato cans, she scooped out two servings of soup and handed one to Sasha.

“Now, we just have to keep it just hot enough,” Aoibheann said, “and it won’t go bad. We’ll be able to eat this until your sister gets back.”

Sasha took a taste. “It’s…” she had been taught, if she had nothing nice to say, to say nothing at all, so she didn’t finish her sentence. Aoibheann had spent enough time with her to know what she meant.

“It’s a tick bland like this,” Aoibheann shrugged, passing her the hot sauce. “Give it a dash of this, it’ll be a sight better.”

Sasha complied, tasted it, and her face made it clear that while it was in fact a sight better, it still wasn’t quite tasty.

“My mom used to make potatoes with a cheesy sauce,” Sasha said sadly. “They were really spicy. Pilar’s favorite food.”

“My dad was more of a cabbage man,” Aoibheann said. “My mom handled the meats, him the veggies. Hanguk-Éire cuisine is… all about things coming together in the pot.”

Sasha added a little more hot sauce to her soup.

“I wanted to be a cook,” Aoibheann said. “Like my folks, before, all this. My dad was a cook. His dad was a cook. His dad was a cook. And so on and so on, all the way back to our homelands.”

“You could still be a cook,” Sasha said, eyeing her soup. “...someday.”

“Well, we’ll have to get your sister to scrounge us up some quality ingredients, then, won’t we?” Aoibheann said.

The two of them finished their soup, and Aoibheann noted that it was getting late, and insisted that Sasha go to bed. Sasha refused without a story, and Aoibheann tossed back a “tough titties” which was met with an infuriatingly irresistible pout.

“FINE,” Aoibheann groaned, and improvised a story.

“Once upon a time, there was a kingdom,” Aoibheann began. This was how all her stories began, they all took place in this kingdom. “The kingdom, you see, had been through every horror you could put a kingdom through. It had been invaded. It had been burned. It had been taken over and torn in half and put back together again more times than you could count. Every evil overlord you could name had taken the place over, at one time or another. So the people in the kingdom, they were always sad, and they started to wonder, would they ever be free? And then, one day, they found out, there was another kingdom, just like them, halfway round the world, and they decided to join forces. But then, after a few decades of unity and prosperity, the entire world fell into darkness, and the people of the two kingdoms had to run. They ran far away, and found a new promised land in the desert, and built a home there.”

“Then, one day, in the new kingdom, there was a little girl who lived in a little house with her ma’ and her da’, and she loved her life. The dark creature from the old world, it caught up with them. It took her da’, and burned down her house, and she and her mother had to go out into the woods.”

Sasha looked scared. “The woods?”

“Aye,” Aoibheann said, “and her mother dear didn’t last long. There were these flares of Dokkaebi Fire, the goblin lights, and mother dear thought surely she could follow them to safety… Pretty soon, the little girl was all on her own.”

“I don’t like this story,” Sasha said, trying not to betray how frightened she was.

Aoibheann sighed. “Neither do I. But see, the story has a happy ending.”

“Happy?” Sasha asked.

“Happy enough,” Aoibheann replied, “for now. See, the little girl knew not to follow the goblin lights. She ran into the dark, and there she found… a brave, dashing adventurer. A gorgeous girl, noble and good, who’d been lost in the woods herself.”

Sasha’s eyes brightened at this. “Did she have a sword?”

“A little one, aye,” Aoibheann laughed. “And she was on a quest, to find a way out of the woods. But the problem was, she had to look after a sweet, wee little baby, and couldn’t leave it long enough to make any real progress. So the little girl, she’d faced all the darkness in the world. She could handle a wee little baby! She agreed to take care of the baby while the adventurer looked for a way to save herself and the little one.”

“Did she find a way out?”

“Someday she will,” Aoibheann said, “but all she found so far was… a sorceress.”

“This story has everything,” Sasha said.

“The sorceress was as beautiful as the adventurer, and sharp as a tack, but she was untrained. Powerful magic, but she didn’t know how to use it.” Aoibheann explained, “so, together, they managed to track down the Baba Yaga, a wise but crafty old witch, who could teach the sorceress and adventurer how to find the way.”

“And the little girl?” Sasha asked.

Aoibheann thought about this. “The little girl gets to spend time with the sorceress, and the adventurer, and that sweet wee little baby,” she said, “and she appreciates the time she has with them. Someday, they’ll find their way out, and she’ll still be in the woods, but she’ll always be glad to have met them. The end.”

Sasha crinkled her nose. “That’s a bad ending,” Sasha said bluntly. “The little girl should just leave the woods with them. Then find the creature that took her house, and kill it.”

“And how’s she gonna do that?” Aoibheann laughed.

“The adventurer and the sorceress will help her!” Sasha said. “Maybe the Baby Yaga can tell her some spells!”

“Baba Yaga,” Aoibheann corrected. “Okay, so say she does. Say she tells the adventurer and the sorceress everything that happened, and they go slay the evil creature. What happens next?”

Sasha thought about this. “Maybe they fight another creature,” she said. “An octopus?”

“Why are they fighting an octopus?” Aoibheann asked, still chuckling.

“It’s guarding a treasure,” Sasha said as though it were the most obvious thing in the universe. “You have heard a story before, right?”

“Fair enough,” Aoibheann said. “And then, say, they beat all the creatures. What then?”

“Happily ever after,” Sasha said triumphantly.

“Well, you’re a sight more deft at this than I am,” Aoibheann said. “Let’s get you to sleep, I’ll do better next time.”

Aoibheann swaddled Sasha in the dirty, tattered blanket that they’d found a few weeks earlier, sat out in the hallway, and began to cry.

In the present day, Aoibheann thought back to her sobbing in the hallway. At the time, she was convinced that Ariadne and Pilar would surely abandon her when they finished training with Blue. When they started building their first spacecraft in an alley under the bridge, she’d defended it from thieves and scrappers at knifepoint, even thinking that they would use it to leave her behind. When, against all odds, Ariadne had built a spaceworthy craft, she was stunned into silence when they invited her along.

“Don’t be dumb,” Pilar had said, extending a hand to her “of course we’re taking you with us. We started this crew to keep Sasha fed. How are we gonna do that without a cook?”

And so, Cookie had been born. As the goblin lights lit the way to ruin, Pilar’s hand pulled her onto the right path.

****

Now, Pilar’s hand was busy cutting up bites of nondescript meat and placing them into Aoibheann’s mouth.

“Do you remember… back in our street urchin days,” Pilar asked, “Me and Ariadne would come home from Blue’s, put Sasha to bed, and then you, me, and her would stay up late gossiping. We’d show you all the cool stuff Blue had taught us in our lessons, and you’d take the ingredients we’d stolen for you-- better ones, after you started giving me lists-- and you’d teach us how to cook like you.”

Aoibheann almost smiled, and Pilar saw it.

“Alright, you’re right,” Pilar said, cutting her another bite and placing it in her mouth. “Nobody can cook like you. Don’t let it go to your head. But you taught us to cook better than most people.”

Aoibheann accepted another bite wordlessly.

“You know, Ariadne used to use Blue’s tricks to fix up that abandoned house, Alan’s house, and I used to show you all the martial arts tricks, and you’d be rapt with attention,” Pilar said. “When me and Ari started dating, we had a friendly debate about it. See, I thought you had a crush on her, and she thought you had a crush on me. Joke’s on us, turns out you were more than capable of having both.”

Aoibheann came close to smiling again.

“Funny, that’s a fond memory now. Back then, it was the worst year of our life,” Pilar said. “Wonder what we’ll remember fondly from now, when we’re older.”

Aoibheann’s fractional smile faded away. She couldn’t imagine anything worth cherishing from this time. But then, she couldn’t back then, either.

“And we don’t have to talk about…” Pilar cut herself off. “I mean, the… what we’ve had together… The unspoken closeness between the three of us. Rare as it might be that we’ve acted on it, it’s still special to me. To us.The problem has never been that we don’t feel about you, the way you feel about us. If you wanted... what’s between the three of us... to be more, it’d be yours in a heartbeat.”

Aoibheann looked down at her lap.

“We’ve always loved you, Cookie,” she explained. “And don’t get twisted up on the definitions. Every sense of the word. Whatever you’re thinking I surely can’t mean… I mean it. I don’t know what’s going on in your head. I just hate to think that… I mean… we’re going into the most dangerous time we’ve ever faced. If something happens, to me or to Ari… I just want to know you know what you mean to us. To me.”

Pilar gave her another bite, and Aoibheann didn’t fight her on it.

“Do you remember our wedding?” Pilar asked, and laughed. “Of course you do. Hard to forget something like that. Do you remember how angry you were that we wouldn’t let you cook us a grand feast?”

There was a spark in her eyes that demonstrated that she had not, in fact, entirely let this go.

“We stole the supplies for hamburgers from a local grocery store, and made Beam cook them,” Pilar said. “We actually almost got caught, pulled over for speeding on the way home. Ariadne told the cop her name was Ariadne Baltimore. Small town, local cops, everybody knew their parents, they figured they’d just miscounted the sisters, and let her go. Idiots.”

Pilar sighed.

“You weren’t allowed to cook because Ariadne needed you by her side,” she explained. “You were her maid of honor for a reason, Cookie. Our crew, our marriage, our family… where would we be without you? Would we even be us?”

Pilar offered Aoibheann another bite, and she didn’t take it. Pilar looked concerned. She hadn’t eaten nearly enough to be satisfied yet.

“What is it?” Pilar asked.

Aoibheann opened her mouth, thought hard, her eyes darting back and forth as though she was trying to make sense of something she couldn’t put words to.

“Aoibheann, are you… are you alright?” Pilar asked. “Should I get Sasha?”

Aoibheann shook her head vigorously. She had been lost in her depression for months, wondering if she was really better off waking up in the morning, but suddenly, the floodgates had come open, and she couldn’t wait one more second to let out what had been eating at her and destroying her soul ever since they’d lost the station.

Her voice was dry and raspy. She had not spoken more than two consecutive words in weeks, and her body vehemently protested the sudden change in this policy.

“Was it my fault?” She asked, thinking back to a conversation she'd had with their tormentor years ago. “Did I do this to us?”

****

“Excellent work today, everyone,” Cookie’s voice boomed through the kitchen. “The festivities went off without a hitch. This is an anniversary our captain won’t soon forget.”

“Thank you, Chef,” her crew echoed back.

“Dismissed,” she said to the assembled kitchen staff, and then quietly approached one of the greener pirates who’d recently started the galley rotation that was mandatory for the whole crew. “Libby, a word?”

Cookie ushered Libby into a small room at the back, which she used for prep when she was working on more intimate, personal projects. This was the room where she prepared birthday meals for Spacebreather, Ariadne, and Sasha. This was the table on which she’d painstakingly crafted Ariadne and Pilar’s wedding cake. The small walk-in freezer was the one where she’d had a brief, clumsy tryst with Blue on a rare visit to the station, after Cookie had enraged her by challenging her to a contest to see who could make a better mole negro oaxaqueño sauce, and then winning it.

Libby had been invited into the inner sanctum, and the look on Cookie’s face made it absolutely clear that it was not an honor.She was in deep trouble. Worse still, there was a salt shaker on the table in front of her.

“Do you think this is funny, lass?” Cookie asked. “Is this a fun game to you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Chef,” Libby said, actually looking somewhat convincing.

“The cap of the salt shaker was unscrewed. One shake, and dinner would’ve been ruined.” Cookie said. “It was your responsibility to set the table in the captain’s quarters.”

Libby got immediately defensive. “Anybody could’ve done that,” she said, “I didn’t do it, it’s totally unfair that you--”

“Anybody could’ve,” Cookie said. “But I gave you a responsibility. You were responsible for the Captain’s table. You signed off on a table with an unscrewed salt shaker on it. That makes you responsible for the salt shaker, whether you placed it there or not.”

“How is that fair?” Libby replied indignantly.

“Lass, why do you think Ariadne requires all crew to complete a rotation in my kitchen before they’re cleared for field service?” Cookie asked.

“She needs someone to cook for her?” Libby asked derisively.

Cookie sneered. She did not care for Libby, and never had. The girl seemed to attract drama. How, she wondered, could someone with so few friends be so perpetually in the middle of a falling out with a group of them? “And why do you think my standards are so meticulous?” Cookie asked.

Libby declined to answer, because she knew her honest answer would get her in trouble, but her face betrayed what she wanted to say: “Because you’re a huge bitch?”

Cookie answered her own rhetorical questions. “The skills you need to be successful in here, will be invaluable to you out there. You didn’t go over your loadout with a fine-toothed comb. You didn’t take the responsibilities you were trusted with seriously. You allowed your crewmates to operate with faulty equipment, that, had I not intervened, would’ve caused the mission objective to fail.”

“To be clear,” Libby said, “the ‘mission’ was serving them dinner.”

“IN HERE IT’S DINNER,” Cookie bellowed, her eyes full of all the rage and fire that she kept tamped down in her heart every second of every day, and slammed her fists on the table, knocking down the salt shaker. The chrome lid clattered off, and salt spilled onto the teak countertop. Cookie wordlessly grabbed a pinch of it and tossed it over her left shoulder. “In here, you fail in your duties and it means dinner isn’t very good that night. Out there, you fail in your duties and your sisters in arms die. That’s why Ariadne makes you work with me before you’re allowed to work for her. You can’t be trusted to handle the stakes out there if your team, and your commanding officer, can’t even trust you to do your job correctly when the stakes are only whether tonight’s chicken will be a little dry. Is that crystal clear?”

Libby looked as though she was about to protest, or accuse Cookie of being melodramatic, but Cookie cut her off. “Think very carefully about what you say next,” she said, “and if you’re lost as to what answer I’m looking for...” She pointed at the band that she kept tied around her head, so that even if one of her brilliant red hairs slipped out of its tight bun, it would still not fall into her face. It was white, and said, in bold black text, “YES CHEF.”

Libby grumbled. “Yes, chef,” she said. “next time, I’ll check the table settings more carefully.”

“Glad to hear it,” Cookie said. “But I think it’s important that you know… I know you put the shaker on the table.”

“What?!” Libby snapped.

“If the Captain, or her first mate, were to be poisoned, I would need to be able to verify who’d done the deed.” Cookie said. “Every step of my meal preparation is accounted for. There is a record of every action taken in this kitchen, cupboard-to-table. If something goes wrong with a meal, within seconds I will be able to identify the point of failure and exactly who was responsible for preventing it. Of course, it helps to have a private video feed into the captain’s quarters.”

Cookie tossed her communications device onto the table, and hit play. It projected a small, but surprisingly clear, hologram of Libby setting the table, smirking as though struck with an idea, and unscrewing the cap of the salt shaker.

“You have… a security camera… in their quarters?!” Libby asked.

“I’m the only person in the system they trust with it,” Cookie said. “I trust them with my life, and they trust me with theirs. Now, I gave you a chance to confess to your little prank, and you decided to lie, to pass the buck onto someone else. I’m afraid I can’t let that slide. I’ll have to fail you for this rotation. Come back at the start of the next one and you can reapply.”

“What?!” Libby snapped again. “I’m two days away from finishing! I have to start my galley rotation over again just because you caught me playing a harmless prank on your little pervy peep-show?”

“Call it pervy if you like,” Cookie said dismissively. “The nature of my relationship with the captain and her first mate is enthusiastically sanctioned and is, frankly, none of your concern. The behavior you showed in here, would’ve only spoiled Captain Ariadne’s dinner. If you showed the same level of carelessness and irreverence out there, it might’ve gotten someone killed. ‘Harmless’ indeed. You’re not responsible enough for field work until you can prove you can handle kitchen duty.”

“This is bullshit,” Libby said, gathering up her things to storm out of the room. “Like it even matters whether that bitch’s little dinner is ruined.”

Cookie slammed her fists on the counter again.

“Captain Ariadne is the greatest woman who ever lived,” Cookie growled, “and if I hear you speak of her like that in my presence again, you’ll lose a hell of a lot more than your galley rotation.”

Libby moved to storm out, but Cookie rushed the door and held it shut.

“Now, you listen to me, you little twerp,” Cookie said, jabbing a finger into Libby’s chest, shaking with anger. “That woman pulled me out of the gutter-- pulled all of us out of the gutter. There is nothing more important than the work she does, and we are the beating heart that allows her to do it. So if you want to be a part of this crew, you’ll show her some goddamned respect and start taking your work fucking seriously.”

Libby looked furious.

“What do I want to hear?” Cookie asked pointedly.

Pilar was astonished. “You think… because you were hard on the Nameless in her galley rotation… that she went totally off the rails, tried to kill us, and drove us out of our home?”

“Yes, chef,” Libby grumbled after a beat, and Cookie allowed her to pass.

****

“She tried to say we were like a cult,” Cookie said weakly. “That we were just minions blindly following Ariadne’s orders. That we turned against anybody who didn’t fall in line.”

“Is any of that true?” Pilar asked rhetorically. “Does the crew actually act like that?”

Cookie let the tears come. “I do,” she said. “What if she… how do I know she isn’t holding my devotion, my zeal, against the entire crew?”

“You… blindly follow Ariadne’s orders?” Pilar asked, entirely rhetorically. “That’s a surprise, I thought you really believed in our mission.”

Cookie was taken aback. “I do!’

Pilar smiled. “There’s some of that fire,” she said. “I’ve missed it. Aoibheann… when is the last time Ariadne actually gave you an order?”

Cookie had to think about this, but came up short.

“Exactly,” Pilar said. “This is what’s been eating you, all this time?”

Aoibheann looked afraid to reply, so she just asked what she’d wanted to ask, ever since they were driven out of their home.

“Do you forgive me?” She asked. “Does she… does she forgive me?”

Pilar looked Aoibheann square in the eyes. “Cookie, you’ve never needed our forgiveness. An insane terrorist attacked our home. There’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent that.”

This was not what Aoibheann wanted to hear.

Pilar sighed. “Of course we forgive you, Aoibheann,” she said in a voice that sounded entirely earnest, but using words that betrayed how sarcastic she was being: “for not allowing someone who turned out to be a sexual predator and an actual serial killer tamper with our food and ruin our anniversary. We forgive you for being the most devoted friend we’ve ever had. Because someone else mistreated us, it must’ve been wrong that you treated us right. We will always forgive you for loving us, Aoibheann. You will never lose our forgiveness for that.”

Aoibheann was struck speechless again.

“Don’t go quiet on me,” Pilar said affectionately, “I just got you to talk again! I’ve missed your voice.”

“I appreciate your taking care of me,” Cookie admitted, “while I’ve been… not myself.”

Pilar gently put her hand on Aoibheann’s, and gave it a squeeze, and then told her the most reassuring truth she had.

“The Nameless is a user,” she said. “She wants a bunch of people who act like puppets and put her well-being first. Ariadne spends every second of every day encouraging her crew to think and act for themselves, and to put each other’s well-being above all else. That’s why she thinks Ariadne’s a tyrant. Not because you defended her honor after a sociopath tried to ruin her anniversary and then called her a bitch.”

Aoibheann felt as though she’d just received absolution for something that had been dragging her through the muck for months. How could she not believe Pilar, of all people? She began to cry openly.

“Hey, hey,” Pilar said, “it’s okay! I got you.”

“I’ve let the crew down,” she said, “had them eating this flavorless mush for however many months. I’ll be back at a stove first thing in the morning, don’t you worry--”

Pilar laughed. “Aoibheann… Cookie, I’m glad you’re back but… don’t push yourself too hard, okay? Let your apprentices handle it for a bit. Besides, you haven’t walked by yourself in a pretty long time. It’ll take a bit before you’re seaworthy again, let alone fit to run a kitchen.”

Aoibheann looked downcast. “Well, I’ve spent enough time sitting around like a lump being no good to anybody,” she said indignantly.

“You’re plenty good to us,” Pilar said flatly, “just by being here. We love you, Cookie. You don’t need to… justify your existence by being a devoted servant.”

Aoibheann was uncomfortable with this sentiment, and it showed on her face. This was, after all, how she showed her affection for Ariadne and Pilar. How could she show them her love and devotion without being able to cook for them?

“I don’t know how to…” Cookie began. “Please… Please, just… tell me what to do.”

Pilar sighed. She knew Cookie was far too devoted to her duties to go completely without orders. “She and I will be back in a few hours, for dinner. Let her hear your voice. Tell her you love her, and wish her luck on her procedure. If you have the strength, give her a hug. And, most importantly, just… please, be okay. Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need to get back on your feet. We’ve only got the one Cookie, so take care of her for us, okay?”

Cookie smiled, and squeezed Pilar’s hand back with what little strength she could muster.

Pilar picked up the now-empty tray that the MRE had been on. “Now that you’re back, do I have your permission to start up the kitchens? Let your apprentices do some real cooking?”

Cookie nodded her head.

“Then I guess this is truly an event worth of celebration: you’ve had your last Meal-Ready-To-Eat,” Pilar laughed. “I’ll see you tonight, Cookie. I want to put some meat back on your bones, so I’ll be cooking, and I expect you to be looking over my shoulder and barking orders at me the whole time.”

Cookie looked at her and smiled, and Pilar’s heart melted. It had been a long time since anyone had seen that.

****

Cookie’s apprentices stood in a straight line at the back of the Hotpot Spot, an abandoned restaurant that Sweettalk had identified as her childhood favorite. Cookie, wearing the chef’s coat she’d fled the station in, freshly laundered, and her trademark “YES CHEF” headband, limped into the restaurant, supported by a cane that Sweettalk had fished out of her childhood home, and said had belonged to her grandfather.

Cookie was still not back to full strength, but her apprentices could see the fire they’d come to fear and love had returned to her eyes.

“As you may have noticed,” Cookie announced, the natural loudness of her voice undiminished by her time indisposed, “I have been… unwell, of late. As such, I am unable to resume my duties at this time.”

Her staff turned to her chief apprentice, Yellow, for guidance. Yellow remained silent, so the rest of them did as well.

“It’s alright, kids,” she said, stamping the cane on the ground loudly. “You don’t have to pretend. I’m not my old self yet. It’s fine. I wouldn’t feel right resuming my post here anyhow. This isn’t my kitchen. I’ve called you all here because you are the apprentices most equipped to run a kitchen of your own.”

Yellow nodded in assent.

“As such, I have a new directive for each of you, until such time as we’ve retrieved my kitchen, and I’m back to my usual vim and vigor, each of you is to select one of the defunct restaurants in this town, take your pick of the remaining staff and any available volunteers, and you will run your kitchens to the standard I have taught you.”

Cookie sighed.

“I know what you all think,” she said. “I know what you’ve said to me, in the past. You think your best is only a pale imitation of my cooking. But I need you all to know that… isn’t true.”

“Chef?” Yellow asked.

“I was the fourth person on this crew, lass,” Cookie said. “The first person to join, after the founding members. At the beginning, we had one mission: Keep Sasha Fed. There is nothing I value more highly than that mission. I live for it, and if I’m blessed with the chance, I will happily die for it. We may have expanded the definition of ‘Sasha’ to include everyone we love, but this mission is and will always be my life’s labor. Food doesn’t just sustain us. It is love, in physical form. The Captain and the First Mate have been very gracious to me, in the time we’ve known each other, by allowing me to show them my love and devotion in the way I’m able to offer. Over the last nine months, they have shown me the devotion was not one-sided, and given me the love I was able to accept. So your mission is, as it always has been: get in the kitchen, and show your love to the crew. Fill their bowls with it, in the way only you can, with or without me. And when your cup is empty…”

Cookie choked up a bit, and did a halfway decent job masking it.

“...When your cup is empty, allow those who love you to fill it back up, until you’re ready to pour from it again.”

After a long, uncomfortable beat, her crew shouted back “Yes, Chef!”

“I have been derelict in my duties,” Cookie said. “I let you go this many months without loving one another properly, because you wouldn’t do it without me.”

“Chef, permission to speak freely?” One of her younger apprentices, a quiet young boy who specialized in pastries, piped up.

“Granted,” Cookie said.

“You never ordered us not to run the kitchens without you. In fact, before…” He paused carefully, then opted to leave it unsaid, “before, you always taught us how to take the lead for the rest of the crew, when you had to cook for the Captain’s table. We wouldn’t run the kitchens without your say-so because…”

“It’s okay, lad, no need to be scared of the likes of me,” she reassured him.

“We were ordered not to,” he told her. “The Captain was very clear: ‘There’s no crew without Cookie.’”

Cookie leaned on her cane and looked a bit sad.

“She couldn’t handle it, Chef,” Yellow explained. “Knowing somebody else was doing your work, while you were suffering the way you were.”

Now Cookie could feel her heart melt. “She said that, did she?”

The young baker boy winced. “She said that there’s nothing more important than the work you do, and that everything the crew does, is just so you can do it,” he said. “She said… well, she said she was derelict in her duty to you, and that she couldn’t replace you until she’d made it right. Until you’d forgiven her for letting you down.”

Cookie laughed. “We’ve known each other a long time, indeed,” she said. “The captain is a sentimental one, I’m afraid. She blames herself for all this. For my condition. Don’t tell her I said this, but she’s still more Catholic than she’d like to admit.”

Everyone’s eyes flared at this. Of course none of them would tell her she’d said that, as they all valued keeping their heads attached to their necks too much. Cookie was one of the only people in the system who could get away with saying something like that in front of Ariadne.

“She could never let me down if she tried,” Cookie said, “and even if she did, I will always forgive her. That you can repeat to her. Now, that’s enough prattling on from an old fool. You all have restaurants to open. To work!”

“Yes, Chef!” Her apprentices all shouted, and broke formation to claim their restaurants.

“And remember,” she shouted after them. “If you talk to the Captain, this was her idea!”

She had, in fact, passed her forgiveness along to Ariadne the previous day, before her surgery, and assured her that she didn’t need forgiveness, the same way Pilar had done to her. After her procedure, Ariadne wouldn’t remember Cookie giving her consent to reopen the kitchens, but she was delighted that when she came out of it, she seemingly remembered, on some level, that she had been absolved of all wrongdoing.

She was relieved when, during the fight Alicia staged with her, Ariadne had suggested they put her apprentices to work in the kitchens. Despite being set back several months, she was done punishing herself, and letting everyone else punish themselves with her. It was a do-over many were not fortunate enough to get, and after all she’d lost, Aoibheann was not one to turn her nose up at a second chance.

****

Months later, when all this was over and Sasha’s medicine and a lot of good eating had restored her muscles into mostly proper working order-- she still felt uneasy at times, and preferred to keep the cane on hand, just in case-- they were repatriated to their home, the Nameless had been defeated, and the station had erupted into a celebratory frenzy. Yellow and the kitchen staff had burned the candle at both ends to supply enough party snacks to keep anyone from drowning in all the wine. Two former crew members, Baltimore and Beam, had returned to the station to join in the celebrations. Sweettalk and Sasha had, believing themselves slick, pulled Ghostrunner and her new girlfriend Vigil back to their quarters. Alicia had brought Blue back to the station and, in the haze of wine, loudly announced her intention to start a relationship with her, before disappearing back to her own quarters. Cookie and Blue had, despite their past rivalry, a deep, abiding respect for one another, and Blue was one of the few people who was authorized to do as she pleased in the kitchen. Cookie knew firsthand that after Blue’s enthusiastic and athletic lovemaking, she would likely need something to eat, and a bit more wine, so she’d set a bottle of red and a bowl of fresh mozzarella in conspicuous locations in the hopes that she would find them. Cookie was, uncharacteristically, not in the kitchen that night.

If she had learned anything from the past year, it was that she had to sometimes set the weight of the world down, and allow the people she loved to take care of her as much as she took care of them. So, as had become tradition, once per month, she would retire to the Captain’s quarters instead of her own, and allow her friends to show them how much they loved her. Pilar spent the day marinating meats, just the way Cookie had taught her, and Ariadne had built a heating element into her personal dining table so that Pilar could cook them some of Cookie’s favorite foods.

They would then retire to the bedroom for a night of passion-- Ariadne always had some new device she’d built and wanted to show off. Being married to Spacebreather, she was in the unfortunate position of being a bit of a pillow princess, but not on pillow principle, and so never had anyone else to use it on, and Cookie was the only person other than Ariadne who Spacebreather was willing to touch. They would spend this time laughing, and experimenting, and making sure not an inch of her, or the captain, went unkissed, and then they would fall asleep in each other’s arms, all the while gossiping and reminiscing the way they had back on Mars.

Sometimes, on these nights, Cookie would think back to what Spacebreather said to her, during her episode, about how if she ever wanted something more between them, she could have it.

The thing was, she didn’t want something more. She treasured these nights they had together, but as far as she was concerned, nothing had changed about what they were to her. They were her best friends, and they were her calling in life. She would, to the best of her ability, serve their mission with almost religious zeal. Even unto her death, she would prioritize keeping her loved ones happy and healthy. She had already loved them, more, she believed, than she could ever love anyone else, even when they had started an exclusive relationship with one another, and she was just a heartbroken teenager pining after them both. How could she want something more, when she couldn’t even imagine something better than what she already had?

The first time the three of them had ever fallen into bed together, years after Ariadne and Pilar had made it clear they were soulmates, they had been a ball of teenage hormones, propelled by a raunchy party game that had gotten a bit out of hand. Aoibheann had awoken mortified and furious at herself for daring to succumb to her own desires like this. Her whole life, whenever she’d allowed herself to love something, it was taken away, and that only when she accepted that something was beyond her grasp, would she stand a chance of being lucky enough to attain it. She was sure that by admitting to her wants, and acting on them, she had ruined everything. Except, Ariadne and Pilar noticed her embarrassment and simply chose to behave as though nothing had changed. It had happened only occasionally in the past, and each time, Ariadne and Pilar would wait for Cookie to bring it up. Otherwise, it was completely unspoken.

The one crucial difference was, now, Aoibheann “Cookie” Gyeong, once the saddest girl on Mars, had finally accepted that it was okay to want, and to act on those wants, that this was not following the goblin lights to her death as her mother had. She, who loved her life so much that she shut down for the better part of a year when she feared it had changed irreparably, spent most of her time refusing to acknowledge what she loved about it. She did her job, showed her love, and asked for nothing in return except for the ability to keep doing it.

“You know,” Ariadne said, running her fingers through Aoibheann’s long, smooth, bright red hair, as a sleeping Pilar cradled them both in her arms, “we don’t do any of this for you. We do it because we like doing it. It’s fun for us.”

Cookie laughed. “Oh, I hadn’t noticed,” she quipped.

Ariadne smiled, and told her something she’d waited years to be sure Cookie would be ready to hear. “Thank you,” she said, “for being my friend. For loving me. For making what we do worth it.”

Aoibheann shot a smile right back. “I could say the same to you.”

#core story #lgbt

[mcalhenwrites]

Spider/arachnophobia trigger warning (Particularly if you don't like venomous ones) Seriously, there are photos of spiders below lol (one is dead, in the first picture, bc that's how I found it.)

I killed a live one on my wall last night, just five feet away from this dead one that I just found (I moved some stuff to dust, and THERE IT IS) WILL THEY JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE

Yes, that's a brown recluse. Yes, this house is infested with them. I don't know if I was active on tumblr much in May of 2020, but I got bitten by one then, after managing to dodge a bite for a while, because one got on my bed - after I FINALLY got a bed that wasn't just a mattress on the floor - and I put my arm on my blanket and squished him. Felt a pinprick, glanced down, saw nothing, carried on. Stood up about 20 min later to pee, noticed a dead recluse on my blanket (pictured below, the exact one that bit me), checked my arm, and was like, "WELL FUCK." Tried to ignore it, ended up at the doctor. Got on two different antibiotics. Didn't take. Got on two other antibiotics (one was a shot) and ended up at a plastic surgeon because it had gotten so bad and infected. :'( Years of people telling me they weren't a big deal even if you do get bit... I didn't get the warning bite. I got the actual one. The one with necrosis. It still stings from time to time, it was hurting pretty bad last week actually. The culprit btw:

Brown recluse aside, I really love spiders! I just wish these didn't love me and my spaces. I know it's the clutter of books... paper everywhere for them to hide in. It's wonderful. A haven. I hate it. I need to spray my room again. It always lasts two weeks and they're back. It's a shame bc I had Angelica in the bathroom for months above the light fixtures, from a baby spider to a much bigger one. Unfortunately, food was scarce in winter, and despite attempting to put food in her web, it never took, and she died not long before Mercedes passed away. :'(

Angelica - I'm pretty sure - was a triangulate cobweb spider! Picture here, and you can see her sheddings to show her growth!

I love taking photos of the spiders that visit me or that I find outside or wherever else. And I rescue them out of the bathtub and such all the time lol (And yes, look closely at the mama wolfie, she's carrying babies!)

btw please don't reply with wanting to kill them with fire or w/e, I get the notion, I do, but I do genuinely like them :(

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Demons, the Lady of Dreams, and Tripled Fees

Horrifying nightmares of his worst mistake haunting every attempt to fall asleep. A member of the royal family possessed by a demon. A graphic exorcism performed in the dead of night, where one of the people involved would not live to see the morning. 

Y’know, just a normal Tuesday night in the life of Morpheus Constantine. Or at least, it started out that way. 

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HELLO EVERYONE!!! I had this idea last weekend while I was working, of a role reversal AU where Morpheus is the Constantine and Johanna is Dream and got so fucking excited that the first thing I did upon coming home was run to my laptop and start writing. It is twelve pages long in my Google Doc, so let’s hope Tumblr isn’t a dick about letting the whole thing be in one post. I had so much fucking fun writing this, it was an absolute joy, so I hope you all enjoy it too! I’ve also posted it here to Ao3, so go give it a kudos if it’s not too much trouble. OH ALSO: Netflix didn’t put the Latin words Johanna says in the subtitles, so I had to write out the words as they sounded, so this Latin will probably be incredibly awful. But other than that, happy reading!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was storming by the time Morpheus arrived at the nightclub. The droplets made the neon lights of the sign gleam even more harshly. There seemed to be no sign of anyone there, but he could still feel what was inside. It was emanating from there, like the entire building was vibrating from a silent scream. 

As the cab rolled away, Morpheus took out his phone and looked down at the lockscreen. The messages were still there, the same place they had been when they flashed across his screen an hour ago. 

Morpheus its happening again You need to get over here i’m really really scared I’m with dad at leland city club PLEASE HURRY

Seemingly on cue, there was a loud rumble of thunder and a flash of lightning. 

The capital letters reminded Morpheus he couldn’t waste any more time. He put his phone back in his coat pocket and went to open the door and head inside. He didn’t regret giving Jed his phone number, because someone had to be there for the poor boy besides his sister. But he was rather frustrated that Cori fucking Walker made Jed have to use it so much. Whatever. He would just fix this and go back home… and definitely take Jed and Rose with him. 

Sure enough, the nightclub atrium was completely empty. It was completely dark, save the neon light fixtures that were blinking weakly. The energy he had felt outside was even stronger now, enough that it vibrated through his body. The hairs on his neck and arms stood up and, despite the amount of years he’d been doing this, a chill ran down his spine. Because bright light was bursting between the cracks of the doors in front of him. That had to be where it was. 

Morpheus swallowed to harden his resolve and stepped towards the doors. He was seriously debating just finding Jed and Rose and leaving, letting their father deal with the mess he had undoubtedly made. But no, he couldn’t do that. That would make the mess even worse. 

He reached for the door handle, ready to throw it open. He would deal with this as quickly as possible. Hopefully it wasn’t too powerful a demon…

“Morpheus!”

Morpheus whirled around and saw Jed hurrying towards him from where he’d hidden in the bathroom. “Jed!” He rushed towards him and knelt down, relieved to see that Jed looked unharmed besides the incredibly frightened look on his face. “I came as soon as you texted. What happened?” 

“We have to go!” Jed grabbed his arm and tried to drag him away. “We have to get out of here!” 

“And we will,” Morpheus said calmly as he stopped the boy. “Just tell me what’s happened.” 

Jed looked at him fearfully. “... He said it was an accident. Like when Mom died.”

God fucking dammit. A part of him had really been hoping someone else had done this. He bit back his frustrated sigh and instead asked, “Where is your sister?” 

“S-She’s not here. She’s sleeping over at Judy’s house.” 

Well, at least that was a good thing. One less Walker to worry about. “Good.” He straightened up and looked at Jed pointedly. “Now where is your father?” 

Jed turned and pointed to a door off to the side. Morpheus strode towards the door, hearing Jed’s quicker footsteps hurry after him. He was going to give Walker the ass-kicking of his miserable life when this was over. 

The door ended up leading to a backstage area of the club, which turned out to be far less destroyed than the rest of the place. And among the strewn about instruments, containers, shot glasses, and alcohol bottles was Cori Walker, passed out on a pentagram drawn on the floor in white chalk. 

This time Morpheus did sigh in frustration and marched over to stand over the constant source of disaster and despair… and the pentagram he was lying on top of. “Walker!” he barked. 

A book lying on the floor by Walker’s head caught his eye, specifically it’s title of SATANIC RITUALS displayed on the cover. He angrily snatched it up and smacked Walker across the head with it. “Hey! Walker!” 

He hit him again, and this time the man startled awake. He looked around, then turned to look up and found Morpheus glaring down at him. He simply gave him an unconcerned grin, like a sheepish child caught with his hands in the cookie jar. “Hello, Morpheus,” 

“What the fuck did you do?” Morpheus growled. 

“We were just havin’ some fun,” Walker insisted. 

“Some fun?” Morpheus brandished the book cover at him. “Summoning demons is having some fun?” Walker simply shrugged sheepishly and he forced himself to not hit him with the book again. “Who is “we”? Where are they?” 

“They must still be inside,” 

“Inside the club?” 

“Yeah… You don’t wanna go in there, man.” 

Morpheus scowled down at what surely had to be the bane of his entire existence. “No. No, I do not. But someone has to clean up your mess.” 

He threw the book back down on the floor and straightened back up to head back into the atrium. Jed moved to join him. “I’ll come with you,” he insisted. 

Morpheus stopped and put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “You’re safer in here with your father, Jed, shocking as it may seem.” He squeezed Jed’s shoulder comfortingly. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” 

Jed still looked unsure, but nodded hesitantly. “C-Can I go with you when you leave?” 

Morpheus couldn’t help his small affectionate smile. “Of course you can. We’ll go home, get some sleep, then call your sister in the morning. In the meantime, stay here. All right?” 

“Okay,” Jed nodded. “Be careful.” 

“I will, Jed,” 

With that, he left the room and strode purposefully across the atrium towards the doors. They were shaking now, holding surprisingly well against the demonic force inside. Whatever demon was in there was most likely feeding on Walker’s friends, too busy snacking to leave. Oh well. If they were friends with Walker then their deaths probably weren’t that great a loss. 

Morpheus suddenly found himself inside a long, dark hallway. Did his surroundings suddenly change or had it always been a hallway? He couldn’t remember now. He slowly, hesitantly lifted his hand to turn the doorknob and open the door. But something inside him was telling him to run, to turn around, grab Jed, and leave. 

Turn back now. This can’t happen again. You can’t let this happen the way it did again. 

But before he could seriously think about it, his hand was on the doorknob, and the door was swinging open. 

An explosion of light blinded him. The heat of flames hit his face. Unholy screams and wails overwhelmed his hearing. Then something grabbed hold of his foot and yanked him into the room. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Morpheus snapped awake and sucked in a deep breath. He could feel his heart racing as his eyes adjusted and he tried to see where he was. 

“Alright, bruv. We’re here.” 

He wasn’t back at the nightclub, facing a demon with Jed waiting for him to take him away. He was in a cab, completely alone. And Jed…

Morpheus tried to ignore the stab of guilt that went through him. “Sorry,” he said absentmindedly as he fumbled for his seatbelt. “It’s been a long day.” 

“My day’s just gettin’ started,” the cab driver sighed tiredly. 

“I have a feeling mine is as well,” Morpheus muttered. He pulled out his wallet and took out his credit card to pay the fare, then got out of the cab. 

The cool night air hit his face and he breathed it in to clear his head. He looked up at the looming cathedral as the cab drove away behind him and shoved his hands in his coat pockets. He wondered if his work would feel more important if he had gotten more sleep, but as it was, he just wanted to get it over with and go home. Just home, not back to bed–he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. The memory of that nightclub and what happened to Jed haunted him at night. The shadows on his walls seemed to taunt him with his guilt, whispering “Your fault,” over and over. The daytime wasn’t much better–waking hours spent wondering if Rose would pick up this time if he called… not that she ever did. 

Morpheus took another deep breath of the crisp air. He had to focus. He couldn’t change what happened, nor could he make Rose hate him any less. But he could do this. He could do this job. It was why he was called. So with that, he began to walk towards the steps of the cathedral. 

“Morpheus Constantine!” 

The voice behind him made him freeze. He turned around and couldn’t help smiling wryly as he walked towards the man dressed like G. K. Chesterton standing under the streetlight. 

“It’s rather late to be going to church, dear boy,” the man said cheerfully. “Even if you’ve dressed up quite well for it. Is that a new black coat?” 

“What are you doing here, Gilbert?” Morpheus asked in amusement. 

“Oh, the same as you, I expect,” Gilbert replied, eagerly shifting the hat and cane he had tucked under one arm. “She’s coming, isn’t she?” 

“Who?” 

“Oh, you surely must know who! Lady Johanna.” At Morpheus’s confused blinking, Gilbert went on. “The Lady of Dreams. The Oneiromancer. You know, the Sandman!” 

“The Sandman,” Morpheus repeated, wondering if Gilbert had another screw loose. “The woman who puts little children to sleep? She’s only a fairy tale, Gilbert.” 

“Oh, she is no fairy tale, dear boy. She’s back, and she wants her sand.” 

Morpheus just smiled amusedly. Yeah, right. “Thanks for letting me know. But I’m late for work.” 

He nodded goodbye to Gilbert, then turned to head towards the cathedral steps. “Take my word for it, dear boy, she has returned!” Gilbert called after him. “I know! I am two hundred and eighty years old, and I know!” 

Morpheus couldn’t help laughing quietly and turned to briefly wave at Gilbert. Crazy old man… 

“Constantine.” 

He turned and abruptly stopped again (how many times would this happen tonight?). This time he had been stopped by a woman, who had appeared out of nowhere on the steps in front of him. She looked about the same age as him and had long brown hair. She had a fancy white trench coat over a black turtleneck, dark pants, and black combat boots. And strangest of all, she was looking at him like she knew him… even though Morpheus was sure he had never seen her before in his life. 

Morpheus scrutinized her, trying to remember if he had ever met her before. “Do I know you?” he asked aloud. 

“We’ve got business, you and I,” was the woman’s response. 

Business? What business? He was certain he’d never met her before. 

He glanced at the cathedral and looked back at her. “With all due respect, you’ll have to wait. I have business with God first.” 

The woman said nothing as he walked up the steps past her and towards the church. But he could feel her eyes on his back, watching him. He had half a mind to turn and yell at her to fuck off. But it was far too late and he was far too tired of life to deal with anything besides the job he had to do. So he ignored her stare and walked up the rest of the steps to shove open the cathedral door. 

The sound of his boots against the floor echoed through the vast, empty hall as he entered, looking around for any sign of life amongst the many candles. “Lucienne?” he called out, hearing his voice carry. 

Almost in answer, Lucienne’s shaved head poked out behind a corner and she smiled happily upon seeing him. “Oh good, you’re here,” 

“Not a favor,” he reminded her as he made his way up the small set of steps to her. “I’m getting paid or I’m going back to bed.” He decided not to mention that going back to bed would probably involve watching crap reality shows on Netflix instead of actually sleeping. 

“And I’m sure you won’t accept “the honor of doing a service to devout followers of God” as payment?” Lucienne drawled as they walked through the vast chamber. 

Morpheus chuckled wryly. “I never do. So tell me, why have I been summoned this time?” 

“The usual reason. There is a soul in need of your help.” 

“Who is it?” 

Strangely, Lucienne paused before saying, “Oh… does it really matter?” 

She sounded far too casual. Morpheus gave her a suspicious look. 

“If I double your fee?” 

He stopped walking and stared expectantly at her. 

“Triple it?” 

Tempting… but he still wanted to know. 

Lucienne sighed. “Let’s just say, her family has means,” 

Oh, not this shit again… 

Morpheus sighed. “If her family is in any way royal, the answer is no. I’m done with that.” 

“I know, but none of them know she’s here,” Lucienne argued. 

“Who is it, the princess?” 

“I can neither confirm nor deny. She came here about an hour ago, demanding that I marry her and her boyfriend before the palace and the press find out.” 

Morpheus frowned. “Why? Who does she want to marry?” 

Lucienne looked like she was biting back a laugh. “Kevin Brody,” 

He blinked at her. “The football player?” Lucienne nodded. “Perhaps she is possessed, then. She could do far better.” 

“I don’t follow sports, so I really can’t say,” 

What was this, a bad romance novel? “Lucienne, just because a Goldsmith-educated princess wants to marry a subpar football player–”

“It’s not just that,”

“–does not mean she needs an exorcism.” 

“It’s not just that,” Lucienne repeated with a sigh, pushing her glasses up her nose. “Just talk to her, and you’ll understand.” 

“It’s far too risky with royals,” Morpheus argued. “If this goes wrong, there will be a dead princess, a demon running riot, and no one to…” 

“Let me go! FUCK OFF!!” 

Morpheus trailed off at the echoing screaming and turned to look in the direction it came from. “... Well shit,” he couldn’t help saying. 

“Told you,” Lucienne muttered. 

“Is that her?” 

“Can you not smell the sulfur?” 

He could, actually. But he’d gotten so used to it by now he hadn’t noticed it at first. 

Morpheus paused, weighing his options. Either he went in there and tried to exorcize a member of royalty who potentially didn’t need an exorcism… or he could go back home and fight off sleep, just so he wouldn’t have to relive the memory of that godforsaken nightclub again. 

He sighed. “Where is she?” 

Lucienne smiled happily and they resumed their walk. “In my office. You’ll need this,” she handed him her Rituale Romanum, “and should I get holy water as well?” 

“No, I don’t think so,” Morpheus hummed, thinking about what to do. “I cannot burst in speaking in Latin… Has she been restrained? Is that why she sounds like that?” 

“She sounds like that because she’s been possessed by a demon,” Lucienne huffed. 

“We could tie her up,” Morpheus said thoughtfully. He had half a mind to continue the joke, just to see how scandalized Lucienne would get. “Do you think she would enjoy that?” 

Sure enough, she stopped and looked at him like he’d just told her he didn’t care for The Godfather. “She is British royalty!” 

“We don’t have to drug her,” Morpheus insisted, trying not to laugh at her face. “It would all be very consensual.” 

Lucienne looked like she wanted to smack him upside the head. “Have you got any other ideas?” 

Morpheus looked in the direction of where the princess was still screaming. Then an idea popped into his head. “I do.” He turned to Lucienne. “But I’m going to need your clothes.” 

A few minutes and a decision to not remark to Lucienne how they somehow were the same size later, Morpheus stood, fully clad as a vicar, in front of the princess and the football player. After getting a good look at him, he stood by what he said before–the princess could definitely do better. Both of them were so eager to get married as quickly as possible that neither of them noticed that the vicar performing the ceremony had messy, unkempt hair and eyeliner. 

He could smell the sulfur in the room (it was so strong he was sure he’d have to put his clothes through the wash to get the rotten egg smell out), and could feel the presence of something unholy. The problem was, he couldn’t tell where it was coming from. He was pretty certain it was coming from the princess, since Lucienne was rarely wrong about who she thought was possessed. But still, he didn’t like any kind of uncertainty. 

“Do you, Princess, take this–”

“I do.” 

Morpheus trailed off at the slightly rude interruption. But the princess, clad in a simple yet becoming white dress, simply stared back at him with hardened resolve. 

Kevin Brody, being the second-tier football player he was, seemed less certain, glancing at his fiance hesitantly. “Wait–babe, are you absolutely sure you wanna do this?”

The princess turned to him, and Morpheus half-wondered if she would ask if she fucking stuttered. “I said “I do” because I do, Kevin.” 

“No, I mean… Are you sure you don’t want a big royal-wedding-of-the-century-type wedding? With, like, the queen and photographers and stuff?” 

Oh dear, trouble in paradise already. If it turned out there was no demon, Morpheus may be convinced to get a social media account just to see how this marriage played out. 

The princess’s face softened into what had to be the most loving, adoring look Morpheus had ever seen. If not for the circumstances, he would’ve admitted it was genuinely sweet. “I just want you,” she told him. 

Ew. Definitely the plot of a bad romance novel… not that he read those. 

Her words seemed to persuade him, and they both turned back to him. “Let’s get on with it, please,” the princess said politely. 

Morpheus nodded slightly. “And do you, Kevin–” 

He heard a cracking noise, then Kevin Brody yelped. “Ow! Yeah! Yeah, I do.” 

“Wonderful. Then repeat after me. Da locum derisimae.” 

“Da locum derisimae.” 

“Da locum empi isimae.” 

“Da locum empi–” 

Kevin Brody suddenly stopped and hunched over, coughing loudly. Both the princess and Morpheus’s heads immediately turned towards him as he cleared his throat and straightened up, trying to laugh it off. “Sorry,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Been fasting. Just in case there were photographers. You know what I’m sayin’?” The princess looked like she very much did not know what he was saying, and his awkward grin faded. “Doesn’t matter.” 

She gave him what looked like a warning glare and turned back to Morpheus. “Keep going,” she demanded. 

Morpheus, however, wasn’t looking at her. He was studying Kevin Brody suspiciously. Maybe he’d been right all along, and the princess wasn’t possessed at all… but someone in this room still was. “Da locum christo…” 

“Da locum christ–” Kevin Brody doubled over again, this time looking like he’d been about to throw up. He held up a hand desperately. “Sorry, can we–” 

Morpheus kept chanting, the words coming rapidly. “Vonelium venistido perebustubis,” 

Kevin Brody grabbed his throat and doubled over in pain, actually gagging this time. The princess just looked at him, aghast. “Are you going to be sick?! Kevin! Are you going to be sick during our wedding?!” 

Morpheus just studied him and went on. “Quotis boliavit quam regnum tuom destrucit.”

The princess kept looking back and forth between him and her fiance, who had been sent down to his knees. “Kevin!” 

Kevin Brody gagged… and then a green hand with black nails slowly slithered out of his mouth. 

Oh shit. “Quivit emigavit, evasa tuem eripulit!” 

And Kevin Brody, or at least his body, was rocketed to its feet and its head was thrown back as a green arm and hand burst out of the mouth. The demon inside growled, the sound booming through the cathedral, as the hand clawed at the air. Then another green hand slowly appeared, then an arm, tearing through the mouth and face as it fought its way out of its constricting vessel. Then both hands reached back to grab the top of the head, and tore the body in half. What used to be subpar football star Kevin Brody exploded in a mess of blood, bones, and flesh. In the body’s place stood a huge, hulking demon. He had green skin, pointed ears, spikes of purple-gray hair atop his head, completely black eyes, and a darker green vest and pants. The demon exhaled with an enraged snarl and stood to his full height, towering over the princess and Morpheus’s heads. 

Morpheus’s mouth dropped open in surprise as he vaguely registered the princess bursting into terrified tears. Wow. He really hadn’t seen that coming. Lucienne had been convinced the princess was possessed, not the footballer, and she was never wrong. That’s a twist. 

Speaking of whom… “Lucienne!” he called, not taking his eyes off the demon. The demon glared right back at him as his arms and legs slowly cracked and snapped back into place. 

Footsteps echoed, then Lucienne appeared, clutching his coat around her. She froze in shock upon seeing the demon. “You won’t believe this,” Morpheus said to her, “but you were wrong about who was possessed.” 

“Oh dear,” was all Lucienne responded with. 

Morpheus glanced at the princess, who had backed away in terror and had her hands over her mouth to conceal her hysterical sobs. “Get her out of here.”

Lucienne nodded and went to place her hands gently on the distraught princess’s shoulders and hurry her out of the hall. “Come along, dear. There we go. Come with me.” 

The demon’s head and body turned and he seemed to be watching as Lucienne and the princess left the room. He let out a growl of frustration. Morpheus didn’t want to find out if that meant he was going to attack them, so he began to chant again, stepping down to the floor. “Visitas vasuomos dominae. Habitatione istum et omnis–”

“You… talk too much,” the demon snarled as he turned around to face him. “Especially for a little twink in eyeliner.” 

Morpheus chose to ignore the very original insult he had never heard before. “If you tell me your name, I’ll stop,” he retorted. 

“Now why would I do that,” the demon said, advancing on him with a very lecherous smile, “when there’s far more enjoyable ways to make you stop?”

“His name is Choronzon.”

Morpheus whipped around and found the woman from outside in the white trench coat standing behind him. Her chin was raised regally and she gazed at the demon—Choronzon, apparently—with a very intent look, like she wanted something from him. “A Duke of Hell,” she finished. 

The green-skinned demon grinned at her. “Surprised you remember me, Lady Johanna,” he sneered mockingly, “after your little vacation away.”

The woman simply smiled dryly at him. “Nice to see you too, Choronzon,” she said mildly sarcastically. 

Morpheus, who had backed away a few steps, turned to look again at the woman, this time remembering what Gilbert had said to him. “Lady Johanna?” he repeated to himself, astonished. He couldn’t believe it…

Choronzon apparently heard him. “It is indeed, little twink. Though she looks a bit different without her helm.” He grinned at her. “Now where do you think that could be?” 

“I’m guessing it’s in Hell with the demon it was traded to,” Lady Johanna shot back. 

“Yeah, but which demon? Gimme the princess and I might be willin’ to tell you.”

Fuck this. Morpheus was out of patience. He wasn’t sure what the hell was going on here between these two primordial beings, but he was past the point of caring. It was far too late for this shit. So he grabbed his crucifix out of his boot, held it out towards Choronzon, and began to chant again. “Exis ergo, Choronzon!” 

A panicked look appeared on Lady Johanna’s face. “Wait!” 

Flames began to appear around Choronzon’s feet with a blast of heat as Morpheus kept chanting. Choronzon yelled in surprise and fear as tendrils of flames wrapped around his arms and pulled him down. 

“ALRIGHT FINE!” he yelled, whipping his head around to Lady Johanna. “I’ll tell you where your fucking helm is. Just don’t send me back!”

“Erventis tutis suom memuoquis–” 

“Constantine!” Lady Johanna yelled, running down the steps. “Stop!” 

“–engentium Choronzon! Visitas vasuomos dominae!” 

“I SAID STOP!” Lady Johanna screamed as a portal opened below Choronzon’s feet and he was slowly sucked down. “STOP!”

“DREAM OF THE ENDLESS COMMANDS YOU!” Choronzon roared at Morpheus as he finished his chant. 

“Make like a good demon and fuck off back to Hell!” Morpheus shot back. 

The floor rumbled under his feet and flames appeared between the stones. Ash and flame shot up and twisted around Choronzon’s body, consuming his form, until with one last despairing roar, the demon was dragged back down to Hell. 

Morpheus slowly lowered his crucifix as the embers blinked out, and finally turned his eyes to look at the woman across from the mess of soot on the floor. Lady Johanna looked down at the place Choronzon had just disappeared from, then slowly lifted her head to give him a mortified look. 

“Do you have any idea what you’ve just done?” she asked him. 

With a flourish, Morpheus snapped the Rituale Romanum shut. “I do,” he replied, finally allowing himself to smile in satisfaction. “I have just tripled my fee.” 

Then he turned on his heel and strode away. Tonight was turning out to be pretty okay after all. “Lucienne? Will I be invoicing the Church of England or Buckingham Palace for this?”

#the sandman #the sandman netflix #sandman #sandman on netflix #sandman fanfiction #role reversal au #morpheus #dream of the endless #johanna constantine #cw noncanonical character death #i seriously had so much fun writing this #jed i'm so sorry i did that to you sweetie #yeah sorry again about the latin #i tried using google translate but that wasn't much help so #hope you enjoyed! #fanfiction #my writing #thanks for reading!

[azimuthssimsstuff]

PROJECT PREVIEW: SIMOUT

So I have been playing just a little too much Fallout 4 and doing nothing but building and then I remembered that The Sims is a thing. So inspired by my unhinged addictions to Sims and Fallout I will be making a full Fallout-themed pack to satisfy my love of these games, and to test my mod-building and blender skills. (Image only shows one version of the metal walls in the household I use for all demo CC content)

Simout WILL include:

Walls and floors (wood, metal, and concrete)

Kitchen items (counters, cupboards, stoves, dining table and chairs)

Living room & study items (Couches, chairs, TV, terminal ((Computer)), radio, coffee table, side table, shelves/ bookcases)

Decor items (Carpets, drapes, Vault-tec posters, paintings, flags)

Bedroom items (Beds and dressers)

Bathroom items (Toilets, baths, skinks)

Wall pillars

Simout MAY include:

Depending on what it requires to make these items, as well as just my own skill level, these things may or may not be included.

Light fixtures

Misc wasteland clutter

Outdoor items (Fences, turrets ((static items)))

Clothing (I really want to include this and I would bet on at least recolours being part of Simout)

Hair

Wasteland facepaint

Body mods (scars, grime, Ghoul skin)

Careers & hobbies

Washing machine and dryer (I tend away using content locked behind sims packs so this may be part of an add-on if I do this at all)

Fallout-themed traits (Sims and property) (This is only a maybe because my computer is deciding it doesn't like Mod Constructor atm. It will probably be fixed soon but not a priority)

Everything will be available on my Gumroad for free, and I will be posting individual aspects on Tumblr as I go. Pack will be compatible with the base game and anything that includes content reliant on other packs will be "add-ons" and posted separately. I will probably add some things that aren't on this list but these are the things I really want to include. I want you to be able to make your own little Fallout settlement in the Sims 4.

If there is anything you'd want to see, please let me know. I know that I really want to do a working radio station, but that will be a future separate project as it would involve sim voiceovers and covers of Fallout music and that's... a LOT.

#Simout by Azimuth #Fallout 4 #The Sims 4 #sims #fallout #custom content #cc #ts4

[mbrainspaz]

I posted 3,907 times in 2022

That's 1,137 more posts than 2021!

565 posts created (14%)

3,342 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mbrainspaz (I feel called out.)

@b1y7h3shifter

@dkpsyhog

@geeneelee

@curlsabroad

I tagged 2,865 of my posts in 2022

Only 27% of my posts had no tags

#tiktok - 154 posts

#funny video - 131 posts

#personal problems - 112 posts

#life of a texan peasant - 91 posts

#funny story - 78 posts

#funny post - 77 posts

#us politics - 75 posts

#gifs - 68 posts

#writer problems - 63 posts

#lmao - 62 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i will continue to enjoy my trash entertainment where everybody comes back to life and nothing makes sense and villains are inexplicably ho

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Can people change?

Yes

Can you change them?

Nope!

85 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#4

I keep coming back lately to how f*cked up it was that my dad never let me mess anything up. Oh no, don’t climb out the window and sit on the roof--you’ll damage the shingles. So I put out beach towels and was extra careful, and he still got mad. Some of my best childhood memories were sitting out on that roof with my brother or my friends. Man f*ck the shingles. We sold that house a year later anyway. I waited years for him to fix the toilet paper roll holder in an upstairs bathroom--then one day just broke down and fixed it myself. It took me 5 minutes. And he was mad because I didn’t use the right kind of screws. F*ck the right screws. It looked perfect and it worked just fine, at least until I moved out. Now I’ve been out here living with a bunch of rogue ranchers and old engineers and it’s given me a whole new perspective on life. The first day I moved onto this ranch the owner got out an electric saw and cut a hole straight through a sewer pipe. I nearly panicked! Like--YOU CAN JUST DO THAT?!?! Just break something?! It was a horrible job! But BAM--it was done! And that sh*t changed my whole worldview. Last week I helped remodel a bridge with some spare logs and a pickaxe. I’ve sawed open the roof of my house and glued it back together. I’ve torn wall fixtures off and burned them in a bonfire. 

GO AHEAD! BREAK IT. Wear down the shingles. Cut holes through the wall. Get mud on the sofa. Put stickers on your car. Break the world around you just a little instead of living in fear of losing resale value you rarely get back anyway. It’ll be fine. 

198 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

#3

How much did I want a horse?

A totally sane amount. 🫣

406 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

#2

have I mentioned how hilarious it is to me when people ask me about my gender and I tell them I'm non-binary and they go "well I don't believe in all that." Cool beans pal. And I don't give a f*ck about your beliefs. Have a nice day. 😂

448 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

mom: It’s so crazy it’s like everyone around me is getting covid.

me: that’s why it’s spiking, mom.

mom: no like your dad was saying I’m the carrier, haha. 

me: Well you might be. You were sick over christmas and everyone else had it after. [and I begged you to wear a mask but you went around kissing everybody instead]

mom: But my symptoms were really mild and allergy meds made mine go away.

me: allergy meds can treat symptoms. My regular ones have helped with covid too.

mom: huh. But your dad’s symptoms are totally different. He’s got a fever and he’s been throwing up. It’s really bad. Same with our friend from church. 

me: Were they vaccinated?

mom: no. 

me: THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE NOT VACCINATED.

mom: But your dad already had covid before the pandemic. 

me: IT’S A DIFFERENT STRAIN MOM. PEOPLE CAN GET COVID MULTIPLE TIMES MOM. THAT’S WHAT THE VACCINE IS FOR MOM. THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TELLING Y’ALL FOR TWO YEARS MOM.

mom: Well...

675 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #the longest tag 😂😂😂 #tumblr drama #I knew tiktok was gonna top the charts

[exceptionalbomebuilders]

🏡✨ Top-Rated Bathroom Remodeling Contractors in Your Area

Hey Tumblr community! Ready to elevate your bathroom with a stunning remodel? Look no further! Here are some tips to find the best bathroom remodeling contractors near you:

Check Online Reviews: Start your search by reading reviews and testimonials from previous clients. Websites like Yelp, Google My Business, and Angie's List can provide valuable insights into the quality of service offered by local contractors.

Ask for Recommendations: Reach out to friends, family, and neighbors who have recently completed bathroom remodels. Personal recommendations can help you find trusted contractors who deliver exceptional results.

Verify Credentials: Ensure that the contractors you're considering are licensed, bonded, and insured. This protects you from liability and ensures that the work is completed to industry standards.

Get Multiple Quotes: Don't settle for the first contractor you find. Instead, request quotes from multiple contractors to compare pricing, services, and timelines. This allows you to make an informed decision based on your budget and preferences.

Review Portfolios: Take a look at the portfolios of prospective contractors to see examples of their past work. Pay attention to the quality of craftsmanship, design aesthetics, and attention to detail.

Communication is Key: Choose a contractor who communicates effectively and listens to your needs and preferences. Clear communication throughout the remodeling process ensures that your vision is brought to life.

By following these tips, you can find the best bathroom remodeling contractor near you to create the bathroom of your dreams. Whether you're looking to update fixtures, expand space, or enhance functionality, a trusted contractor can make your vision a reality. Happy remodeling! 🚿💫 #BathroomRemodel #Contractors #HomeImprovement 🛠️🏡

[plabon100]

The Essential Guide to Plumbing: Keeping Your Pipes Flowing

Plumbing is the intricate system of pipes, drains, fittings, valves, and in buildings for the distribution of water for drinking, heating, washing, and waste removal. From the faucets in your kitchen to the toilets in your bathroom, plumbing plays a vital role in our daily lives. Here's everything you need to know about plumbing:

1. Understanding the Basics:

Water Supply: Plumbing systems bring in fresh water from the main supply line into your home or building. This water is used for various purposes like drinking, cooking, bathing, and cleaning.

Drainage: Waste water and sewage are carried away from your home through drain pipes and into the sewer system or septic tank. Proper drainage is essential to prevent backups and water damage.

Fixtures and Appliances: Plumbing fixtures include sinks, toilets, showers, bathtubs, and appliances like dishwashers and washing machines. These fixtures are connected to the plumbing system to provide water and drainage.

2. Common Plumbing Problems:

Leaks: Whether it's a dripping faucet or a burst pipe, leaks waste water and can cause damage to your home. Regular maintenance and prompt repairs are crucial to prevent water damage and conserve water.

Clogs: Blockages in pipes can cause slow drains, backups, and unpleasant odors. Avoid flushing non-biodegradable items down toilets and use drain guards to catch hair and debris in sinks and showers.

Low Water Pressure: Weak water flow can be caused by various factors such as mineral buildup, pipe corrosion, or issues with the municipal water supply. A plumber can diagnose the problem and recommend solutions.

3. Plumbing Maintenance Tips:

Regular Inspections: Schedule annual inspections with a licensed plumber to check for leaks, corrosion, and other issues. Early detection can prevent costly repairs down the line.

Preventative Measures: Install water-saving fixtures, insulate exposed pipes to prevent freezing, and avoid pouring grease or oil down drains to keep your plumbing system in top condition.

Emergency Preparedness: Know where your main water shut-off valve is located and how to turn it off in case of a plumbing emergency like a burst pipe or major leak.

4. Hiring a Professional:

Licensed Plumbers: When faced with complex plumbing problems or installations, always hire a licensed and experienced plumber. They have the expertise and tools to tackle any plumbing issue safely and efficiently.

Get Multiple Quotes: Before starting a plumbing project, obtain quotes from multiple plumbers to compare prices and services. Make sure to ask about warranties and guarantees for their work.

Conclusion:

Maintaining a healthy plumbing system is essential for the comfort and safety of your home. By understanding the basics of plumbing, staying proactive with maintenance, and hiring qualified professionals when needed, you can ensure that your pipes keep flowing smoothly for years to come. Remember, a little prevention goes a long way in avoiding costly plumbing disasters.

#plumbing services #plumbing san jose

[floridaentrybuildersllc]

Florida Entry Builders LLC

Florida Entry Builders LLC is your premier destination for bathroom remodeling services in Miami, FL. Nestled in the heart of this bustling metropolis, our company caters to homeowners who seek elegance, functionality, and the latest trends within their private sanctuaries. Recognizing that the bathroom is more than just a necessity, it has become a haven for relaxation and tranquility. Here at Florida Entry Builders LLC, we embrace the opportunity to bring your vision to life with unparalleled expertise in bathroom remodeling near me. Our passionate team of designers and craftsmen dedicate themselves to transforming ordinary spaces into extraordinary spa-like retreats where comfort meets style. We understand that each client's needs are unique, which is why we tailor every project to the individual desires and lifestyle requirements of our clients.

Whether you're looking for a sleek, modern look or a timeless traditional design, our dedication to high-quality workmanship ensures that every detail is executed flawlessly. From luxurious fixtures and refined finishes to efficient space planning and innovative storage solutions every aspect of our bathroom remodeling services promises to elevate your daily routine into an indulgent experience. Our commitment extends beyond beauty; it encompasses durability and functionality as well. By sourcing only top-tier materials and by applying meticulous installation techniques, we make certain that your renovated bathroom will stand the test of time. Miami homeowners have trusted Florida Entry Builders LLC with their most intimate spaces because we consistently deliver magnificent transformations with precision and passion. The search for exceptional bathroom remodeling services ends here in Miami, where your dream oasis awaits creation by our expert hands. Choose us for excellence in remodeling; choose us for a sanctuary tailored just for you.

 Contact Us:

Florida Entry Builders LLC

Company website: https://floridaentry.com

Phone (local):305-515-5269

Address : 3097 SW 111th Ave, Miami, FL , 33165, US

Hours of operation : 

Monday : 08:00 - 17:30

Tuesday : 08:00 - 17:30

Wednesday : 08:00 - 17:30

Thursday : 08:00 - 17:30

Friday : 08:00 - 17:30

Saturday : 09:00 - 15:00

External Links :

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[goodbytegroupglobal]

Wheatronic Gold Ceiling Light Fixture 24W, 12 inch LED Flush Mount Ceiling Light for Bedroom, Kitchen, Bathroom, Dimmable Close to Ceiling Light Fixture for Hallway 5CCT https://goodbytegroup.com/products/wheatronic-gold-ceiling-light-fixture-24w-12-inch-led-flush-mount-ceiling-light-for-bedroom-kitchen-bathroom-dimmable-close-to-ceiling-light-fixture-for-hallway-5cct?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

#business #holiday #shopping #lugar #online

[ceramiccity]

Modern Bathroom with Textured Walls

Bathing room. Photo brett boardman photography - Elegant bathroom featuring a white freestanding bathtub, mosaic tiles, rain shower head, and a unique cloud light fixture. Follow Ceramic City on Tumblr Source: https://www.pinterest.com/theceramiccity/

#modern #design #product design #home #decor #decoration #home decor #home design #interiors #interior design #living room #bedroom #kitchen #buildings #architecture #furniture #furniture design #industrial design #minimalism #minimal #living rooms #lighting design #lights #bathroom

[bestsanitaryware]

Bathroom Bliss with Hindware Sanitaryware!

Hey Tumblr fam! 💫 Today, let's talk about something we often overlook but is a crucial part of our daily routines – bathroom fixtures! 🚿 If you're all about upgrading your bathroom to the next level of elegance and functionality, then look no further than Hindware Sanitaryware! 🙌

🌟 Hindware has been setting trends in bathroom design for years, and here are a few reasons why I'm absolutely loving their sanitaryware:

1️⃣ Sleek and Stylish: Hindware's designs are always on point! From minimalist to intricate, they have something to match every aesthetic. Your bathroom will become your favorite room in the house!

2️⃣ Durability: When it comes to bathroom fixtures, you want them to last. Hindware products are built to withstand the test of time. No more worrying about wear and tear!

3️⃣ Water Efficiency: Saving water is not just eco-friendly, but also pocket-friendly. Hindware's range of products is designed with water-saving features, helping you conserve this precious resource.

4️⃣ Easy Maintenance: Cleaning is a breeze with Hindware! Say goodbye to those stubborn stains and grime. A simple wipe-down and your bathroom will look brand new again.

5️⃣ Options Galore: Whether you need a new toilet, washbasin, or a complete bathroom overhaul, Hindware has a vast range of options to choose from. Mix and match to create your dream bathroom!

So, whether you're planning a bathroom renovation or just looking to upgrade a few fixtures, consider Hindware Sanitaryware. Trust me, your bathroom will thank you! 💧🛁🌼

#bathroomgoals #hindware #hindware sanitaryware #bathroom #home improvement #home decor #home renovation #elegance #functionality #bathroom design #bathroom fittings #sanitaryware #upgrade your space #sustainable living #sustainable design #ecofriendly #hiondwarebathrooms #bathroom upgrade

[seebacherca]

Plumbing: The Unsung Hero Behind Our Daily Flow

Hey Tumblr fam! Today, I want to talk about an often underappreciated hero in our lives—plumbing! 🚰💧 We may not think about it often, but plumbing plays a crucial role in our everyday lives, keeping things flowing smoothly and ensuring our comfort and convenience.

Think about it: every time you turn on the faucet for a glass of water, take a warm shower, or flush the toilet, you're relying on the plumbing system. It's the network of pipes, valves, fixtures, and fittings that work tirelessly behind the scenes to bring clean water into our homes and remove waste efficiently. Plumbing is the unsung hero that makes modern living possible.

Not only does plumbing provide us with essential resources like clean water, but it also contributes to our overall health and well-being. Proper plumbing ensures that our drinking water is safe and free from harmful contaminants. It plays a crucial role in maintaining hygiene, whether it's washing our hands, doing laundry, or cleaning dishes. Without reliable plumbing, our daily routines would be drastically affected, making simple tasks inconvenient and time-consuming.

But plumbing isn't just about the practical aspects; it can also add aesthetic value to our homes. From stylish faucets and elegant showerheads to luxurious whirlpool baths, plumbing fixtures have evolved to enhance the visual appeal of our living spaces. It's amazing how a well-designed bathroom or kitchen can create a soothing ambiance and elevate our overall mood.

However, like any system, plumbing requires regular maintenance and care. From time to time, issues can arise, such as leaks, clogs, or pipe bursts. It's crucial to address these problems promptly to prevent further damage and costly repairs. Remember, a small leak left unattended can lead to extensive water damage and mold growth, compromising not only your plumbing system but also your home's structural integrity.

So, let's take a moment to appreciate the marvels of plumbing. The next time you turn on the tap and enjoy a refreshing glass of water or relax under a warm shower, think about the intricate network of pipes that make it all possible. And if you ever encounter a plumbing issue, don't hesitate to call a professional plumber who can swiftly come to the rescue.

Plumbing may not be the most glamorous topic, but it's undoubtedly an essential aspect of our lives. So, let's raise a glass to plumbing—the unsung hero that keeps our daily flow smooth and ensures our comfort and convenience. Cheers, Tumblr fam! 🥂🛁

#plumbing north vancouver