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inventedfangirling · 10 months

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Hello this is basically a long post about me sorting through my feelings about bad buddy and why it means so much to me.

So over the past few weeks ( i first watched the show 7 weeks ago) ive been trying to figure out what exactly about bad buddy and patpran in particular have got me so inexplicably fond and devoted to them and apart from the usual answers of great writing, directing, performances and the best most electric chemistry and banter known to humankind, i did arrive at couple of other answers too.

First of all pat and (especially) pran are deep and well rounded characters.

Their worlds feel lived in and real.

Their feelings and thoughts and motivations are of course excellently portrayed by both ohm and nanon. and they gave representation to queer people everywhere. pat being the pan/ bi king he is and pran being the gayest babyboy warrior poet ever. pran especially given his repressed nature and emotional closed-off-ness is somebody a lot of people surely saw themselves in, including myself. seeing myself represented like that starting off the way he is and then taking small steps one by one over the course of the whole show (and over years in the show's universe) to arrive at the more assured, more open, more ready to be vulnerable (but still very much the pran we all loved in the first episode itself) was so wonderful to see.

The fact that the show happens in a non homophobic universe doesnt take away from just how special it was seeing queer characters fall, be and stay in love. and most importantly that they got their happy ending (i wont be hearing anything against this cos the ending was happy, despite the slightly bittersweet tinge of it, it was happy and there shall be no counter arguments begone i cant with that)

That episode 12 gave a glimpse of their future.

A world where pat will one day be able to sit with pran in his house eating food made by dissaya. that pran and pat's mom work on a common hobby together cos why not. a world where they no longer have to hide, a world were they could well and truly thrive.

Its so so important as queer people that we get representation and that in a world that is often cruel to the likes of us especially here in asia, that we see happy adult queer lives, where they can be in love in the most mundane of ways.

Patpran and bad buddy gave us that and i will forever be thankful for it.

That still doesn't capture exactly why i rate them as a couple so so highly in my head.

So i thought of patpran in the context of all the other love stories i could possibly remember watching. i thought of some of my top favourite couples - mondler, phil & claire, schmidt & cece, peraltiago, leslie & ben, jack & rebecca, randall & beth, simon & wilhelm, jaeyong & sangwoo, ji hyun & jaewon, bai lang & xun an, tara & darcy, sumi & rimjhim and so so many more and what stood out for me when it came to patpran was that they were the one couple out of all these couples i adore who didnt let anything get between them once they got together.

Every other couple among the ones ive listed have had jobs or other relationships or distance or parents or workplace rules /etiquette or circumstances or the royalty standing in between their love and as a result causing the couple to break apart ( a couple of episodes for mondler to seasons of confusion for peraltiago and schmidt & cece etc) even if briefly.

Except for phil & claire (who btw wasnt even sure about marrying phil when she did) almost none of these couples got together and stayed together throughout their relationship. and yes i agree that a lot of these obstacles and circumstances are very real and taxing and no wonder people chose their own peace at least for a while to deal with everything BUT i just cant help feel more appreciative of pat pran even more cos these two 19 year olds figured this whole thing out faster than any of those full grown adults did.

And yes its fictional and maybe even unrealistic (given the kind of relationships i see irl) yet patpran really do deserve all the love they get. they do deserve a lot of props.

Its not like they didn't have adverse obstacles standing in their way, they had to fight against their families years and years of lies and all the intergenerational trauma and their faculty rivalry and a shitty friend who outed them and any single one of these should have caused at least 12 episodes worth of conflict and miscommunication in any other couple.

And yes i do recognise that bbs didnt have the luxury of time or multiple seasons but they could have kept them apart for a whole episode at least, i was convinced we were in for that at the end of episode 8 as the aftermath of wai outing them. like there is no way the relationship comes out of it unscathed ( i thought! ). and while im sure they personally were rattled and betrayed (pran more so), instead of blaming anybody else or each other they actually chose to handle it together, they worked together and chose to move forward together.

The fact that such a terrible experience instead of breaking them apart actually reaffirmed to both pat and pran just how much their relationship means to the both of them, that they come out of it actually stronger??

i was friggin shook to my core.

And then came the gunshots and the family finding out and the running away and the coming back and the fake breakup and the pressures of all of this should have been enough to drive a serious wedge between any two characters, especially at their age and lack of experience. and yet??? and yet at each obstacle they get up, they draw the other closer and they get down to working on it together again.

Over and over and over and over again.

So for me what separates patpran from everybody else is the fact that ever since they got together, they have chosen eo, intentionally, that has made the difference.

Pat and pran's story may have been destined ( i personally don't know if i believe in destiny). they may have been born neighbours and felt unexplainable intense feelings (that later turned to love) for the other but when it came down to it, at its core, bad buddy soars when the two come together and they choose to keep being together, despite everything that stands in their way.

Love is a choice. love is a sacrifice. but its also a sacrifice and a choice they made for themselves and for each other and above all for their relationship.

Almost all the couples mentioned above arrive at similar destinations but they arrive at it with years of experience and years of struggle. i just cant help marvel at our teenagers who did love better than whole ass adults double their age could.

And more importantly above the awe i feel inspired and hopeful because they showed me that there's always a choice. thats there's always another option. you dont need to get out of your comfort zone. but you also dont need to be in the comfort zone always. you dont need to keep lying to yourself. you dont need to hide every single part of you. there are always other options. there is always a choice.

That hope is not just a noun its also very much a verb. That you and i and each one of us can make that choice.

That if ever i choose to partner up with someone and if we do proper healthy communication (patpran invented healthy communication and consent btw, they deserve EVERYTHING for just that but thats a whole other post) prioritizing the relationship where it mattered, i too could have something ( even remotely) like their love.

For the first time in my life probably i felt like that kind of love was attainable for me if i wanted to pursue it. They gave me hope. and they gave me joy. and i will never not be unbelievably grateful for it.

#bad buddy #patpran #pran x pat #sorry for the long post #not sorry for the love #thankyou paof

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leprosycock · 16 days

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who are your favourite artists of the visual variety... painters or digital artists. like whose art makes ur skin crawl and your guts churn in overstimulation

ooh thank you for asking!! i have a lot, but here are the ones who have been on my my mind in particular lately. long post ahead xx

ppp_1215 is a digital artist who does studies of rabbit plushies in unfortunate situations, often being tortured or doing the torturing themselves

holymilkmother is a really great graphite and collage artist that scratches a wonderful itch in my brain, their shit kills

kaneoya sachiko is an amazing digital illustrator and her shit owns

pitch canker is a digital horror illustrator who uses lots of sharp blacks and reds and often discusses a separation of one's self and one's heart, mind, and morals and a lot of his pieces are accompanied by original poetry

sinnykitt is an illustrator who draws cute military boys and guns and guro and it scratches the most wonderful itch

maisie cousins is a photographer and a collage artist who makes really squeamish and colorful images that inspire me a lot

gregory crewdson is one of my favorite photographers ever and he creates really striking americana imagery and finds the darkness and the romance in the harsh realities and familiarity of being trapped inside suburbia

wong ping is one of my favorite artists of all time and he's a 4d artist who does surrealist film, site-specific installations, sculpture, and illustration. his work deals with navigating human contact and emotion in the digital age, the destruction of the nuclear family and family dynamics in general, decay of the self, mental illness, and self-obsession. if you can get your hands on his art book, please do

beth cavener is an insanely talented sculptor who creates extremely tactile, fluid pieces of rabbits and other animals in both their natural forms and exhibiting human behavior, usually displaying vulnerability, anger, lust, desire, and adoration

#i have tons of others that i love. i should make an exhaustive list of them all #bunnyaskz

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hoony-parker · 2 years

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a/n: i want to clarify shortly that reader did survive, just isn't awake in this fic heh. sorry lovelies. lov ya.

request: Steve x reader where reader gets hurt badly by the demobats instead of eddie and Steve is trying to keep her alive. Angst but fluffy end where reader ends up surviving |PART TWO!|

warnings: little women spoilers lol, st vol. 2 spoilers ig, fluff and lil angst

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader (established relationship)

w/c: 1.5k

read part one here!

the room was white. too white.

steve had memorized it all by now, anyway. the white walls, white bedsheets, white tiles that built the floor, and the white, blinding, sickening lights.

the cold tones matched your skin, pale and just a tiny hue of pink covering your cheeks, assuring him that yes, you were alive, and yes, you did survive.

the room wasn't by any means homey. it was cold, with no windows except the one that let anyone outside in the hall watch into the intimacy of what was supposed to be a private room for you, where you could heal peacefully and without the eyes of anyone that'd want to look into the vulnerability of either you or steve.

the beeping sound of the machine beside you was far too familiar to steve— a sound he'd hear the entire time he was awake, and in his dreams, too.

he'd be visiting you all day long, everyday. he'd look at you, enjoying the way your features seemed so relax and trying to ignore the reason why this was like that was because you hadn't woken up since that day.

he'd read your favourite book, the same one you'd read to him on his bed, after fighting monsters and getting a new trauma to add to the list, while stroking his head and letting the sweet and steady sound of your heartbeat lull him to sleep.

"beth dies?!", he'd cry. "are you fucking kidding me?! she was my favourite one!" he'd always fall asleep before you got to read the sister's death to him. also, steve would know you'd argue with him about amy being the best character. "and from scarlet fever?! who dies from fucking scarlet fever?!" he'd complain. he'd also know you'd answer him something snarky. "she did, steve. along with thousands of people in fucking 1860s," he'd almost be able hear your voice.

he'd bring his walkman along, making a quick turn to the music store before driving to the hospital to buy the newest fleetwood mac album, then spending those rare nights he'd sleep at his house making you a cassette with all the songs so you'd be able to listen to it through his walkman— he'd put the headphones over yout head and let you listen to the entire album.

"s'cool, isn't it?" he'd sway his head to the song. "yeah, i listened to it on the radio the other day. figured you'd like this one the most," he'd say. "i'm still unable to understand your obsession with what's-his-name. is it because he has blue eyes? it is, isn't it?"

"does it mean you don't like my eyes, though?" he'd almost pout at the thought. his eyes were your favourite, and he knew it. him doubting it was only part of his dramatic antics. "babe?" he'd call, waiting for a response and sighing sadly when he wouldn't get any.

he'd also bring food for him and eat it next to you, talking about work, about the kids.

"max is doing so much better, too," he'd say, mouth full of chinese food, and he'd chew loudly— something you absolutely hated, but you weren't really awake to scold him, so he'd do it, anyway. either way, he'd try to annoy you even when you were phisically unable to annoy him back (all out of love, though). "her vision is getting better. it's still blurry, though. she complains about it a lot. but, hey, s'better than nothin', right?" he'd continue chewing. "doctors said she was probably never going to be able to see again. so, her actually seeing is huge."

"how's dustin doing?" he'd ask, as if he were repeating whatever you'd asked him. he'd sigh. "not so good. little dude's been in his room a lot. won't let any of us in," with a shake of his head, steve would continue. "i tried talking to him. hoped he'd open up a lil, y'know? and, i don' know. i miss him, too. he's my little brother."

then, at night, he'd bring the little sofa closer to your bed, grab your hand and rest his head on the mattress, so he was still looking at you while playing with your fingers. "i talked to your mom this morning." he'd confess. "she invited me over for breakfast, asked how i was doing."

then, when the hospital was quieter and dark from the lack of light outside, everyone sleeping when he should be, too, he'd let the emotions come in— a few tears falling from his eyes and a few quiet sobs shaking his body. "she's great. she— she misses you so much, baby," steve would wipe a tear away. "i don't think she's given up. i don't think she'll ever give up on you. i won't, either."

"you will wake up, sweetheart. i promise you you'll wake up."

and steve didn't believe in any god. but, that night, and every other night, steve would pray.

he'd pray for your eyes to open, pray to see the life in your eyes again. he'd pray to have those precious moments with you again, with you scolding him for chewing too loudly or talking with a mouthful. he'd pray to hear you comfort dustin and be there for max while she got her vision back. he'd just know dustin would open up as soon as he heard it was you on the other side of his door. because it was you. and you always made everything better.

and later, when the clock almost struck the early hours in the morning, sleep almost consuming his own figure, but his fingers still playing with yours, he'd ever so softly hum to your favourite song. the song you'd both dance to in his kitchen when his parents weren't around, when he'd cook you breakfast and you were fine and beautiful and awake. the song you'd listen to in the car, the windows down and the soft sway of your head to the beat of the music, and steve would have to make himself look forward before he got into a crash because he was too busy staring at you.

in the morning, he'd say good morning and tell you about his dream. his dreams and yours were always so crazy. you'd tell him it probably had to do with what you went through— traumas related to russians, monsters with heads similar to flowers but with teeth, gigantic spiders that controlled minds and a psicopath from another dimension that killed teens.

he'd only say he was glad they, at least, were dreams. it was your routine: you'd wake up next to each other, cuddling for a few minutes and talking about whatever crazy dream you had had while he played with your hair and you laid on his chest, legs interwined and sould that matched.

the mornings at the hospital, he'd quickly tell you his dream while eating the extra pudding the nurse secretly braught him, kiss your head and head off to work, working only one shift so he could make it back to you as quickly as possible.

he also knows you'd probably complain about that, too. something about not having to lose money from quitting a shift only for you. "gotta take care of my girl," he'd probably answer you. "it's not like i'm losing much, either, right? most exciting thing i could be missing out's keith actually getting a date from a costumer."

"robin says hi," he'd tell you as soon as he enters your room, bending down to kiss your head and sit on his usual spot next to your bed. "said she'll probably be joining us later tonight. said somethin' about bringing your favourite movie and some popcorn. what would you think of a movie night, pretty girl?" he'd ask. "like good ol' times, heh?"

at the memory, he'd smile sadly. he couldn't wait to do it again.

later that night, the tv would be closer to the bed, having had been rolled over by both robin and steve, each of them sitting on each side of the bed, back to the future playing on the tv. "d'ya think marty mcfly's hot?" steve would ask robin, who'd be chewing some popcorn while dropping a few more into her mouth. "dude, i'm gay," she'd remind him with a confused face. steve would nod. "yeah— i know, but she—,"he'd accuse you while pointing his thumb to you. "—had a crush on him when the movie came out."

"what year are we talking about?" she'd ask him. "last year."

"didn't you start dating like— days before christmas last year?"

"yeah, but that's not the point—"

robin would groan. "steve, you're, like, the most precious human being to her. seriously. she wouldn't shut the fuck up about you before you two got some ovaries and started fucking dating," she's reassure him, earning a bright smile from him. "she wouldn't?"

"never," robin would nod. "every day?" steve would ask. "every day." she'd confirm.

steve would look back to you, blushing and giving your cheek a kiss, grabbing your hand in his and playing with your fingers, like usual.

god, he couldn't wait to hear from you all you told robin about him.

@xguardgirlx @stormseyes @xjasam4lifex

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fluff #stranger things #stranger things s4 #steve harrington #steve harrington smut #steve harrington angst #joe keery #joe keery x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader

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countlessrealities · 4 months

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Send "♡" for a tip on how to win my muse's heart || Accepting !

@dynamoprotocol & @sinruby sent: ♡ for Summer

Just like her brother, even if she'd kill you if you said this in her presence, Summer is very often attention-starved. She might be Beth's favourite, her parents' choice when it comes to picking between her and Morty, but it doesn't mean that she gets more than the bare minimum. Or that she gets said attention on a regular basis.

So, while she might get easy crushes on popular / good-looking people like most teenagers, the real way to win her heart is to show genuine interest in her. Be it by making time to spend time with her, listening to her bitching about her family, taking her out / letting her take you out, or even just sitting together during lunch break and chatting.

To sum it up, what wins her over is being there for her. Not her as an obligatory choice between two, not her as Rick's granddaughter or Morty's sister. Her as Summer Smith, independently from her family and other connections.

This is the reason why she's friends with Nancy, in spite of what she says and how she treats the other girl at times. Nancy likes Summer for Summer and she gives her attention, without demanding anything in return, not even the same treatment.

Summer loves gifts. Beth and Jerry have never been great at providing emotional support and attention to their children, but they have always made sure that they had everything they needed from a material point of view. Food, clothes, presents (no matter how lame) on their birthday and for the holidays.

So, both Morty and Summer have grown up with the unconscious ideas that "presents = love". Nowadays, they both know that the equation isn't valid, but it's still something well-rooted in their subconscious. While Morty has started to get over it, thanks to Rick's (unhealthy, demanding, twisted) attachment and attention, Summer hasn't really had a chance to do the same yet.

So, if you want to get in her good graces? Woo her? Get her to crush on you? Turn her into a loyal friend? Buy or make her stuff. She likes cool clothes and jewels the most, but anything works. Make-up, flowers, body / hair products, books she could like, tickets to a concert, even just the invitation to some popular party. You name it.

There's a part of her that's aware of how easily she "sells" herself at times, and she also knows how vulnerable this can make her. Yet, she dismisses it as something she can deal with, something she's tough enough to face. It's easier than digging out the roots of why she's turned out this way.

#[ headcanons :: Summer ]#[ ooc :: mun's headcanons ]#dynamoprotocol #sinruby #[[ I didn't mean to make these both angsty but ]]#[[ I guess that's how it is with Summer too -sigh- ]]

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finniestoncrane · 1 year

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congrats on 1k Finnie!!! u deserve all the hype!! I’m gonna throw myself in the ring for the event, respectfully requesting number 9

a little bit about me is that I’m 4’10 (pun intended), I have brown eyes, reaaallly long curly brown hair, I wear glasses (the dano riddler kind LMAO), my fashion sense basically Bella Swan from Twilight, I’m questioning my sexuality/bordering on unlabeled so I’m fine with anyone, I’m an INTP 5w6, and a Leo (I don’t know shit about astrology lol.)

my hobbies include:

- acting, which is ironic bc I can’t stand theater kids lmao

- writing, whether it be my cringe ass fanfics, or to my feelings (or lack there of), or to the dreams I have at night, I gotta always have it documented

- watching movies, specifically horror or comedy. If I have any free time, u can GUARANTEE u that I’m going to being at home watching a movie, or at the theater with my friends. If I could legally marry my favorite movie, I would.

personality wise, I come off as very blunt and have a really dry sense of humor to everyone I meet. When I’m in my element, I can’t help but let my wit get the better of me. I am legitimately confident in my capabilities and myself. I can almost always talk my way in or out of situations. I love cracking jokes at any given moment and I always enjoy making anyone laugh, I’ve been told that I have good comedic timing so obviously, I gotta keep going with it. I also curse a lot, like I need a censor bar around my mouth at all times lol. I’m not afraid to stand up for myself or my friends and honestly, I kinda enjoy to. I absolutely value humor and friendship the most, and they are what keep me going. If I could describe myself as 5 fictional characters, I’d be Mickey Milkovich (Shameless), MJ (MCU), Ruth Langmore (Ozark), Louise Belcher (Bob’s Burgers), and Beth Harmon (The Queen’s Gambit). My positive traits are humorous, competitive, straight-forward, creative, and quick-witted

on the flip side, when I’m in a newish setting or a setting where I’m off my game/ not feeling myself, I’m ice cold, rarely speaking to anyone and if I do, it’s venomous. I tend to isolate myself and obsessively throw myself into whatever it is I need to do and just be done with it. I try to maintain a high level of professionalism and confidence and hold myself to a high standard, becoming wildly competitive and forcing myself to be better than everyone, basically faking it till I make it (and it always works). I tend to hide and bottle up my emotions, and I’m scared of/ hate being emotionally vulnerable. My negative traits are obsessive, indecisive, aggressive, sadistic, and emotionally detached

…and I just realized I went on for waaay too long lmao sorry. congrats again on 1k!!!

🎀 No.9: Ever Fallen In Love With Someone 🎀

tell me a little bit about yourself and i'll give you a rogue pairing a/n: thank you!! it's funny, with this one i thought of several rogues and then suddenly it came to me in a moment of sheer inspiration and i was like "oh shit yeah that's the one" 1k milestone info! 🔞minors dni🔞 • kofi • tag: finnie1k

i swear to you the height thing is a coincidence but i think a short couple are strong vibes. and he's a mama's boy, so the fact that your hair is long and curly like hers would probably be one of the first things that drew him in

we know he feels about glasses wearers, so... yeah

(side note: i feel you on the theatre kids one, i studied theatre at university and it made me realise i couldn't be a playwrite, because i cannot cope with actors)

ok so oswald has an absolute flair for the dramatics, and don't tell me he wouldn't make an excellent actor. you two could reenact scenes together and write your own plays or movies just for you two!

he strikes me as a diarist, so spending time together writing whatever you're writing while he catches up on his comings and goings in his little unpublished and just for him (for now) autobiography would be one of his favourite wind-down activities at the end of the day

oswald lives his entire life with main character energy and you can't convince me he didn't pick that up from obsessively watching movies about underdogs rising to the top and film noirs. he loves gore and brutality too, so a thriller or a horror would be perfect viewing material for you, and he'd definitely take you to the theatre on a date

ok so, it might be a nightmare putting the two of you together, but it could also potentially be the most fun. both of you are dry, humorous, experts in wit and sarcasm. charming enough to talk your way out of disaster, and into opportunity. together, you'd be a dynamic duo, perfect partners in crime. the confidence you would have separately and together would be insurmountable and intimidating, which oswald would find deeply romantic

little comments and sneaky jokes with the right timing are his forte too, i'm beginning to wonder if you aren't just the same person?

and the aggressive protection of yourself and others? come on, that's just him all over. and he might not swear frequently (although he might have if gotham was more risque) he does yell. a lot. and what extreme screaming match isn't complete without a few good fuck shit cock ass bastards in the mix?

speaking of friends, the loyalty and fierce protection of them would make it easy for him to trust you, which is so important to him. you're obviously a valuable asset in a friendship, and he would treat you as such

it's funny, i always think of oswald (specificalyl in gotham) as louise belcher! very much quick-witted and humorous, which you both are, and he's obviously extremely competitive, with high self-esteem and a belief he can conquer anything. he's not always straight-froward though, but that's something you can bring to the relationship that he can benefit from

he would understand the isolation and the cold attitude also though. it's a good facade to maintain when you're around new people, especially if you find it difficult to trust or open yourself up to them. a safety mechanism almost. it ties in with the holding yourself to a high-standard. he's dead set on being the king of gotham, a position he would gladly share with you if you could assist him in that professional and personable journey, which by the way, faking it till you make it? he's very familiar with it, umbrella boy to mayor after all

i doubt he'd feel the need to hide his emotions around someone like you who was so similar to him and so trustworthy, but he does that around others and wouldn't blame you for a second for trying not to be vulnerable around him, though he'd hope you'd warm up eventually

and please, your negative traits are all ones he holds in high-esteem within himself so get ready to have your ego boosted by him constantly praising you

#finnie1k #finnie writes

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pynkhues · 1 year

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Top 5 Rio scenes

Oh gosh, too many to count, anon, haha, but trying to keep it to scenes where I think Rio really shone, I think I'd go (in no particular order):

End of 1.10/start of 2.01 where Rio confronts Beth after she gets him arrested and shoots Dean. This has to be one of Manny's best performances on the show, and he is just so good in it, balancing a lot of different emotions from white hot fury to amusement to intimacy to honey trapping. It just really, really works for me, and I love it a lot.

Kind of a cheat, but all of 2.04. He's so, so great in this episode, and Rio has such a bounce to him in it - from his gentle ribbing of Beth at the start of the episode, to, of course, the smouldering intensity of seeing her at the bar and the bathroom break, to the absolute unhinged delight of him smashing the corvette. Just an impeccable episode all round, but especially an impeccable Rio ep.

All of the flashback teen and baby Rio scenes in 4.06. I know some people weren't a fan of his backstory or the performance of the teen actor, but I really liked both, and I really love the ep overall. Rio's relationship with his grandmother and the derailment of his life by his cousin / brother is something I found really compelling, and I loved the way the episode played around with what makes a kid good or bad and about how early assumptions of the latter can really dictate someone's path in life. I especially love the scene where Rio gets out of juvie and he has that moment at the table with Nick which just sets the course for both of their lives. It's interesting, and I really wish the show had teased out Nick's presence earlier, because I think there was more to explore in that dynamic, especially with the way his lack of choice parallels Beth's.

The boxing scene in 4.09 + 'let the the soccer mom know how big it is' 'she knows' exchange, 10/10, no notes, I love it.

Rio in the kiss scene in 2.09. The sheer vulnerability of it always gets to me, but as I've talked about a lot on here before, Manny and Christina are both on fire in that scene, particularly in the way Beth's experiencing it as an ending while Rio's experiencing it as a beginning. It's definitely one of my favourite first kiss scenes ever, and it's just really a killer scene for both of them.

Ask me for my Top Fives

#i literally could've listed a million scenes here #haha #i almost put the dubby fight in too so know that that's here spiritually #nbc good girls #rio #welcome to my ama #top five ask game

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brooklynislandgirl · 6 months

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What’s your favourite place to be kissed?

What’s your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

What was your most embarrassing sexual experience?

Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

Are you rough or romantic during sex?

To Add a Little Spice || Accepting

I. The night finds them enjoying ~as much as being out in public is joyful, turns out her mysterious Government Man is as much of a homebody as she tends to be~ a quiet pair of cocktails in a dimly lit little restaurant that anyone with half a brain could tell was some sort of lush, shadowy bit of romance. Quiet conversation is had and from her adoring vantage, the question doesn't come as a surprise. If anything, she finds it even more endearing that he ask rather than presume. Her Mr. Mallory is, in fact, a gentle man. One hand rises slowly from the stem of her glass. Her nails are near the same shade of deep red as the wine she'd been sipping, the same shade as the matte stain on her lips. She finds her way to the bare expanse of her neck and dreamily strokes the length so very close to her jugular. "Heah," she says in a half tone above her whisper. "I should like to t'ink. Not only can ya feel a heart's beat like sea's tide, but dere's an expression of trust, of vulnerability dere I don' t'ink you can find anywhere else." A glimpse of her tongue can be seen as she moistens her lips. "Can I guess yours would be...a fleetin' brush of lips at a train-platform, rain all da background music dat can be heard before you're rushin' off in uniform?" ~*~ II. "...came home at night her long, thin arms would emerge from beneath the covers and twine around his neck; after making him sit down on the edge of the bed, she would begin to tell him of her woes: he was neglecting her, he was in love with another woman! She should have listened when people warned her she'd be unhappy! And then she would end by asking him for some kind of tonic to make her feel better, and a little more love..." Beth read aloud in her most polished Haole tongue. The flow meandered like a winter-clad river, slow and somewhat sluggish, especially over certain sounds. When Gareth brushed the hair back from her face and offered her a sweet sort of smileless expression, she placed the marking ribbon between the pages and set it down. When he asked her what she might dream about, something like this or something more explicit, she was first a little bemused. He doesn't seem quite the type. "I don' know if I could say it's dirty...but first, I'd love t'...be so in love I could actually...be wi' someone like dat. An' of course mebbe..feelin' ya movin' deep inside me, a hand 'round my t'roat...an ya whisper in my ear...."

She doesn't actually say what the whisper might be as she suffuses in colour to rival a sunset and shakes her head, a giggle full of nervous butterflies. ~*~ III. "So in my firs' year of residency," she says quietly, not daring looking him in the eye, "I was presentin' a paper about endoscopic neurosurgical techniques dat I'd worked so hard on wi' my mentor. He'd been my instructor in med school, and we'd matched for residency. We were almos' telepat'ically linked we work so well togeddah. I've kept a journal since I was young, an'...an I may have written down a fantasy I had about him. In detail." She loses a little complexion, becoming paler before him, and she hangs her head as if she's reliving the moment. "One of da oddah brand new doctahs t'ought it was funny to make slides of dat journal entry ~an' t' dis day, I dunno who, an' I dunno how dey found it~ an' spliced it into my presentation. I couldn't understan' da laughter, the sudden roar of whispers, pointin' an' pictures snapping...Less dan an hour later, I'd submitted my lettah of resignation, an' had paid da bursar da fee for terminating my contract. Hardest part was to walk into his office...my mentor...an' tell him goodbye." That joke ended her career before it began, ended one of the greatest friendships in her life. She's never quite recovered. Oh, sure, she finally finished residency but it wasn't what she expected. "So embarrassing? Yeah, you could say dat. An' I t'ink, if you wouldn't mind, I'd raddah talk about anyt'ing else." ~*~ IV. One hand at her hip. The knuckles of the other trail along the curvature of her collarbones. So close that the heat from his body can be felt in her face down to her toes. Gareth on her doorstep was not expected but his company is appreciated. She had wanted to ask what was wrong but before she could, he's all full-steam ahead, shepherding her small frame back into her foyer. Words didn't seem to matter so much. Not in the wake of that kiss. Good senses return enough to close her door. In London she doesn't have the same household staff that she does at the castle. Between kisses ~sharp teeth on both sides, soft moans and harsher raspy breaths~ a question it takes her minutes to answer. "Anywheah," she whispers against his mouth. "Try an' find out wi' me." ~*~ V. The way her tongue trails across the points of his teeth, her nails graze his neck as they intend to scale him to become lost in his hair, it would be easy to imagine her a wild sea storm battering his shore. But that bone-melting little moan she sighs into that kiss, the way her lashes flutter when they finally come up for air, soft skin and sweet scent that rises from it, might go the other way. Beth is a woman of contradictions. Nimble, she uses the tight space between them to reach up and take hold of his tie. As surely as she can tie-off a stitch, she's easing the knot from the patterned silk.

#dontcxckitup #Leads A Life of Danger|Gareth Mallory #Beware of Pretty Faces|Gareth and Beth #London Calling|007au #Lost in Translation || N S F W

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marias-wonderland · 1 year

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Spoilers about the “Inside man” on Netflix and its similarities with SoTL (specifically Hannibal’s character and his relationship with Clarice)

TL;DR: I think they drew inspiration by the movie when it comes to grief’s and Beth’s character and while they are completely different media and cases, they were an enjoyable duo I wish we had more time to see together, because it would have been an interesting concept to explore more (especially if they shared some more common elements with Hannibal and Clarice)

Alright so: lemme tell ya I liked the show. Could have been better? yes. Did I still enjoy it and had a blast? absolutely! That being said: I couldn't help but notice a familiar pattern with Grieff’s Character/Beth and Hannibal/Clarice

Everyone’s keep talking about how Tucci’s Character was Sherlock-ish (well thats what happens when the writer of Sherlock writes more shows ig) but in my eyes he mostly was Hannibal-ish.

Grieff wasn't all that ironic as Sherlock was throughout the show (kinda), and he wasn't trying to ‘show off’ either as Sherlock did. He also didn't solve the cases with the help of some rather deux ex machina clues (like Sherlock did sometimes) He was mostly reversed, stoic, calm, ready to point out the hypocrisies in one’s morals and enjoyed helping Beth discover the clues for her case (don't these things remind you of Hannibal?). Beth is also an ambitious young woman, a journalist who writes about crimes in general, who is dedicated to what she does.

episode 1:

Her first meeting with Grieff had SoTL vibes. His indifference at first, then starting to take a like on her. Her trying to figure out how to ask the right kind of questions but also making sure she's respected and calling him out whenever she feels she should. And when he revealed that he chooses his cases based on ‘moral worth’ feels like he shares a piece of himself (perhaps a more vulnerable one?), smth he wouldn't do unless he knew she was a ‘decent’ human. And as dilon said “you liked it, you talked a lot”, smth that neither of them would do unless they found an interest in the other person

Episode 2:

Episode’s 2 little game of ‘would you rather help your friend or get more material for your job?’ felt smth like Lecter would do too. I didn't expect her to choose the latest but then again, it’s not like they were bffs.

Also her going all around searching for clues with him on the phone, directing her and being pleased when she finds the solution? definitely smth Lecter would do to, had he being in prison in 2022 and not in the 80′s. And again, I enjoyed their banter. And their little talk at the end, him making fun of her moral codes while she just saw the woman who was the murderer running away?? I found it funny tbh

Episode 3:

Morag’s speech during ep 3 was also a nice touch. Making sure Beth never forgets that after all these, Grieff is a monster (Just like what everyone kept telling to Clarice, both the media and her closer environment). Her determination to continue her job/finding Janice im sure pleased Grieff (as for why he wanted to listen to her reaction on the phone: the man loves playing games)

Episode 4:

Episode’s 4 opening scene has similar vibes, explaining hard to grasp concepts in a simpler way. And him sending the men of his ex father-in-law to the vicar’s house, in a pretence he had confessed where he had hidden his wife’s head, so he could help Beth? ingenious and Lecter should take some notes tbh

On the whole:

While I recognise this was not 100% intended by Moffat, I would like to believe he drew some inspo by SoTL and Hannibal’s relationship with Clarice.

It was obvious they were never meant to be like them (let alone how their relationship developed in the Hannibal book) but, for sure it felt refreshing to watch something that shared some common clues with one of my favourite couples in media. Especially with a couple we are not going to watch together in the big screen because of copyright issues...

#so yeah #I ramble sometimes #I spent an hour writing this #mostly because I rewatched the scenes between these two #no im perfectly normal why are u asking??#please don't get this post in the way im shipping the or smth #god forbid no #It just was a pleasant surprise to see smth I like in media #smth which reminded me of clannibal #of course smth tells me im on my own on this one... no wonder!!#but I would like to read what you people think too!!#inside man #inside man bbc #SoTL #silence of the lambs #the silence of the lambs #hannibal lecter #clarice starling #jefferson grieff

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miashyperfixations · 1 year

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EMLYN: NO-ONE CAME TO GRIEVE UK/EU TOUR

30.03.2023 @ The Deaf Institute, Manchester (250 Capacity)

Written April 2023

This was my second show at The Deaf Institute and Emlyn’s first show in Manchester however, this is her last show of the tour with only 2 other dates in London & Berlin, similar to the Dylan show I saw there. There was a Paris show when the tour was announced, but that was cancelled due to another opportunity arising for her album release. Emlyn’s alt-pop sound is a mixture of all of my music tastes - think Demi Lovato's 'confident' era pop anthems meets Taylor Swift's reputation era style mixed with Sabrina Carpenter's heartbreak lyricism.

I started listening to Emlyn’s music mid-pandemic and wanted to go to her album release show in London in the early summer of 2022. However, it clashed with my GCSEs, so I wasn’t able to go. This time, the minute she announced this tour, I made plans to go and was also able to book tickets for her meet & greet before the concert and talk to her, buy merch & have a full conversation with the opening act, Beth Mcarthy.

Her set was amazing, I had only listened to a few of her songs a couple of days beforehand, and what I heard was great. She also played an unreleased song and a cover of Billie Eilish’s ‘Happier Than Ever’. Something I found interesting is that she interacted with the sound tech at the back right beforehand whilst on stage, asking for alterations in her IEMs and double-checking the sound on her guitar. We then saw Emlyn’s band come on to double-check their instruments and IEMs inbetween sets and could see them alter a few monitors/boxes on stage & see the guitarist set up and soundcheck. In the intermission between sets my sister approached Emlyn’s manager to say potentially have a chat and say hi but Emlyn was due to come on stage very soon so told her he'd be hanging around after the show so we could come and find him then. The set itself was absolutely incredible. As I said earlier, I've wanted to see Emlyn live for a while now, and she didn't disappoint. If the fact that she had an entire set of belters and vocally challenging songs wasn't enough, her stage presence clearly showed that she's a pop powerhouse. The emotionally vulnerable lyrics of her ‘sad bitch anthems’ perfectly opposed her 'no-remorse bad bitch' anthems and encapsulated her message that it's okay to be a mess and a badass at the same time. After one of her most emotional songs 'Change For Me' the crowd (including us) held up flowers & pictures of her younger self with sweet messages for her to show her that she isn't alone. The transitions between songs were particularly interesting as some of them were medleys of other songs she didn’t play but had the same themes/vibes of those that she did play. Although I didn’t necessarily relate to any of her songs, it was fun to sing along in a room full of those that did and see how much Emlyn has impacted them/their lives.

After the concert, we weren’t expecting her manager to remember us since we assumed he’d be distracted by work, so we were a little surprised when he came out from backstage and walked directly towards us. We had a full conversation with him as I'm considering going into a music business course post-college, and my sister wants to go into graphic design, specifically in the music industry. He gave us a lot of advice about the industry as a whole and a few specific notes into specific sectors. He seemed really enthusiastic talking to us about it. We were really glad that he took the time to talk to us and have a proper conversation with us.

One of my favourite things about Emlyn is that she’s currently working on her 3rd album yet is still almost entirely independent, working most of the time with just her manager and producer. She’s been in the music industry , working with her manager as a songwriter for almost 6 years, only pursuing a solo career for the last 3 The fact that she’s persevered and stayed chasing her dream just shows how determined she is and how much potential she has to be one of the next biggest names in pop.

I know that I said Dylan @ the o2 institute was my favourite concert, but this one definitely takes the top spot - I love this venue and to see my 3rd top artist of 2022 (below 5 Seconds Of Summer & Taylor Swift) at the Deaf Institute was the best birthday experience I could've ever imagined & I can't wait to hear her next album sometime this year.

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becausegoodbye · 1 year

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my favourite albums of 2022

Cole Pulice – Scry

A tipsily gorgeous collection of electroacoustic experiments, pulse and breath, woodwinds and worms. Saxophone is one of my favourite instruments when played quietly, and one of my least favourite when played loud – and here it's not only soft, but held aloft by beds of gorgeous synthesisers and signal processing and piano: a diamond on a velvet pillow. A cat luxuriantly rolling around in textures. There's a focus and a bliss here, a dreamy pushing of fingers through soil, that I find beautiful and rare.

[Bandcamp]

Stella Donnelly – Flood

I get the sense that some of Stella's fans were disappointed with this album, but I encounter it differently. If you only see it in conversation with Beware of the Dogs, then I can understand it coming across like its paler and more withdrawn cousin, but if you go back to the Thrush Metal EP, the chain of songwriting provenance is clearer, and it's Dogs that starts looking like the outlier. Once you approach it on those terms, Flood reveals itself as a frequently sublime album of chamber pop: an exhale alone over a cup of tea, a wistful gathering of self, and a series of minimalist choices leveraged to maximum effect. The parts that work the least, imo, are when she's trying to be more like Beware of the Dogs (the prime example probably being the odd decision to start the album with the chin-thrust-out drumbeat of 'Lungs', a song that can't keep that up for long before unfolding into the gorgeous soft melodic reverie it really wants to be, and only begrudgingly switching back for the close). Likewise, the parts that work the best are when it's allowed to settle into its own understated catharsis: the devastating hummed suggestions of 'Underwater', for example, or the unknowable clear-eyed kindness of 'Flood', which for me is one of the songs of the year.

[Bandcamp]

lee (asano+ryuhei) – FK_LV

Like a homeless king, magisterial and unafraid, with loose bits hanging off him and a roar like a broken engine. There was a period around 2011-2014 where it felt like lee (asano+ryuhei) released a new album of genius sample-mashing beats every few months, and needing to buy them all was a genuine strain on my budget. Nowadays the pace has slowed, but the albums themselves haven't much; there's a particular vein they mine, and they simply do it better than anyone else. There are moments when all the constituent pieces are clashing in ways that are ugly or incomprehensible, but then they resolve, transcendently, into a wretched and ragged kind of beautiful that you can't quite get anywhere else.

[Bandcamp]

The Beths – Expert in a Dying Field

An absolute corker of an album, spirited and thoughtful and brimming with ideas for making this kind of pop-rock reach above itself. 'Knees Deep' was my most-watched music video this year by a comically large degree – it remains, just, my favourite thing – and when that and the straightforwardly brilliant single 'Expert in a Dying Field' were all that was out, I thought there was a chance that this album would be a genuine all-timer. When it came out and I heard the full album, it wasn't quite consistent enough to reach those heights, but it's still great, with '2am' in particular capping the album off with vulnerable and shambolic verve. Liz Stokes is so skilled at writing lyrics that you only really notice on the third or fourth listen, once they've already worked their way inside you, and a lot of my favourite lines of the year belong to her.

[Bandcamp]

Florist – Florist

"19 tracks that culminate the decade-long journey of friendship and collaboration". Within this overgrown opus lie some of the most gorgeous songs you'll hear, surrounded by the quieter sounds of the people who made them, the place they were made in, and the exploratory muddling sounds of people in place and place in people. Part of me can't help wishing that Florist had reigned it in and made a perfect album – which you could absolutely do here purely with cuts, without needing to add a thing – but I also appreciate the weight of this more fulsome gesture. This is an album that understands music not as a thing that stands separate from the world, but as an enmeshed product of its material and social environment, and it wants everybody – every snail, every leaf – credited.

[Bandcamp]

Horsegirl – Versions by Modern Performance

The influences are written all over this record – it's a reverent restewing of 80s and 90s indie-rock, with the flags of Sonic Youth and the Flying Nun roster flying the highest – but there's a youthful communal vitality that makes it more than that. Even though the vocals are deadpan, the lyrics cryptic, and the sonic palette full of dissonance and dissolution, this is a plainly joyous album. These teenagers from Chicago are having a great time making this. Even before reading about it, I could have told you that there has to be a whole community behind these kids, and a golden thread of that knits itself into every song.

[This music video captures something of it I think]

[Bandcamp]

Time Wharp – Spiro World

Kaye is brilliant, and this spindly gem of an album goes where it wants. In a way, it wears its influences as openly as Horsegirl; they're just so much more all over the place. Here's a dense Steve Reich instrumental pulse; here's a krauty Popol Vuh prog breakdown; here's a tightly-produced Aphex Twin scatterbeat; here's some loose and traipsing piano reminiscent of Emahoy Tsegué-Maryam Guèbrou. But far more than these by-the-numbers descriptions imply, it's an instrumental album that ultimately feels guided by sensory experience more than anything: how does this feel? how does this feel? how does this feel? Underpinned by the experience of taking feminising hormones (the 'Spiro' of the title refers to spironolactone, and the album's alternative title is One Must First Become Aware Of The Body), it's an album that comes over you as a series of electroacoustic waves, swelling around you in foam, dissolving the distractible mind until you're lifted out of it.

[Bandcamp]

Julia Jacklin – PRE PLEASURE

I liked this album when I first heard it, but it was only after sitting with it for some months that I realised I loved it. The things it succeeds at are all totally familiar – an emotionally vulnerable singer-songwriter, writing songs with lyrically distinct focuses, paced such that they build on each other thematically – but this album succeeds so wholly that it made me remember why lyricists even attempt that kind of thing in the first place. 'Magic' feels infinitely deeper and harder-earned when you've already heard 'Ignore Tenderness'; 'End of a Friendship' hits so much harder when you already know the familial emotional groundline established by 'Less of a Stranger'. Every song is its own perfect short-story universe, but it's only in conversation with the others that the real miracle – the overstory, the impression of the life behind them – takes place. A lot of the music I'm drawn to these days is either instrumental or ambient or otherwise concerned with unsayable truths; it's startling to be reminded of the things we do have to try to say.

All my love is spinning round the room

if only it would land on something soon

but all my words are caught up in a cloud

you know someday you'll have to say it out loud

[Bandcamp]

#julia jacklin #time wharp #horsegirl #florist #the beths #lee (asano+ryuhei)#stella donnelly #cole pulice

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its-deputy-caleb · 3 years

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Morbell HC’s

Okay so i’m really getting into the whole morbell ship and the more i go back to play rdr2 again, the more i ship these two. Also writing headcannons that are nsfw usually isn’t my style but i couldn’t help myself, I’m just a firm believer in bottom Micah and his praise kink so i hope it’s not too bad since it’s a little out of my comfort zone. Anyway i had wayyy too much fun writing this nonetheless. I’m gonna tag @kaaate bc today’s events inspired this.

————————————————————————

Fluff

What started out as drinking buddies turned into outlaws with benefits and then cowboy boyfriends.

Micah gets REALLY needy and constantly craves attention, especially after he’s had half a bottle of whiskey he finds himself staring at Arthur work around camp until it’s finally dark enough that he can wonder into his tent and sit in his lap where Arthur pampers him in kisses for hours.

Arthur will get really sweaty and take his shirt off to chop firewood just to be a tease knowing Micah stopped sharpening his knife a long time ago to stare instead.

The camp were pretty oblivious and only seemed to notice Micah started acting a lot nicer but that died the minute they saw Arthur spank Micah with a table cloth and told him to “behave himself like a good boy”

Poor Lenny on guard duty has seen them make out behind a tree on the outskirts of camp too many times.

At each new camp location they like to find the spot with the best view and they’ll spend a lot of their nights sitting there enjoying each other’s company.

Micah can’t sleep a lot of the time so Arthur will sit with him, Micah’s back pressed to his chest and their fingers laying tangled in his lap until Micah either falls asleep or they watch the sunrise together.

Arthur shows Micah all the things he likes to do like hunting and searching for artefacts, bones and rock carvings from some of the strangers he’s met and it ends up with him and Micah going on little adventures through the forest like they’re a bunch of teenagers.

Arthur likes to draw Micah when he’s not looking, there’s lots of sketches of Micah when he’s sitting around the fire or when he’s cleaning his precious guns.

Micah took a peak at his journal one day after Mary-Beth said Arthur was really talented at drawing and was surprised to see so many drawings and sketches of himself.

He was surprised by the little messages written besides the drawings all saying how Arthur was really happy with him, that he liked how Micah was changing for the better and how he felt smitten with him.

Micah will tease him saying he’s “getting soft cowpoke” but he knows that it’s hypocritical because he’s just as smitten with Arthur if not more.

Arthur’s horse and Baylock are dating i’m not debating this.

NSFW

The thing about Micah and Arthur is that they will do it literally anywhere. Micah can get really bratty sometimes and will work Arthur up until he gets pushed into the closet alleyway next to the saloon or a barn or a hotel room.

It can be really crowded in camp and usually Arthur is busy helping out with the chores while Micah spends all day planning leads with Dutch so they both get really excited to go out on jobs together.

They plan easy jobs like robbing coaches and homesteads which can be done with just the two of them as an excuse to run off for a few days so Arthur can finally have his way with Micah without any interruptions. (Ms Grimshaw is literally scarred for life after Sean’s return party)

If the job goes well, Arthur will bend Micah over the nearest surface and fuck him hard but slow, whispering all sorts of praise down his ear. Telling him how proud he is and that he did so well on the job and deserves a reward which gets Micah blushing every time he’s praised and moaning louder than any working girl in valentine.

If the job goes wrong then all of Arthur’s pent up frustrations and anger about not getting any money or getting ambushed by O'driscolls gets turned into fucking Micah. He’s usually a lot rougher which Micah will never admit to loving, but the sounds he makes when Arthur pull his hair harder and grabs ahold of his hips to keep him still confirms that he likes to be roughed up every once and a while.

Arthur has a long list of pet names, although their favourite is sweetheart which would make Micah feel embarrassed if he didn’t love the way it made him feel.

Micah is a sub and loves to give up control to Arthur. He’s always eager to get on his knees and he especially loves it when Arthur pulls his hair and talks down to him while he chokes on his cock.

Teasing is one of Arthur’s favourite things, he loves dirty talk but he’ll tease Micah about how sensitive he gets or how easy it is to make him whimper and tremble or how pretty he looks with his hair all tangled and sweaty.

Micah loves to be manhandled by Arthur. He loves the feeling of being pushed against the wall, Arthur crowding over him. He loves it when Arthur’s hands wraps around his thigh which reminds him of just how much stronger Arthur is compared to him.

Mostly he loves the way Arthur makes him feel wanted. Arthur knows exactly what he needs and will give it to him without judgement. Arthur knows he needs to give up control and be validated when he’s in a vulnerable position but he also knows he needs gentle treatment from time to time.

Micah will NEVER ask for it but he needs the soft and deep kisses that accompany the rough thrust of his hips. He needs the soft strokes of Arthur’s hand against his hip after he’s been gripping for too long. But mostly he needs the bone crushing cuddles that Arthur gives him while they’re still sticky and sweaty and still coming down from their highs.

#morbell #fuck yeah more bottom micah here we go #i’m here to argue in defence of micah’s praise kink #micah bell #arthur morgan #rdr2 #rdr2 headcanons #rdr2 writing #i enjoyed writing this so expect more

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mrslackles · 3 years

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what do you think are gg's biggest flaws?

Ooh, Anon! It’s like you’re in my head.

I’m busy making a video (that will probably never see the light of day) about this -- my distance from the show has really helped with some super objective clarity -- so I’ll use my notes from that to help me answer.

I’ll preface this by saying what I was most shocked by after putting down all the points was that Rio isn’t even mentioned until really far down??

Anyway, let's get into it.

These are Good Girls' greatest flaws in my opinion (and relative to season 1 -- while I think it had its flaws too, the list is far smaller and I think that's a separate post)

1. It didn't stick to its guns

What set this show apart from others in the 'Everyday person does crime (poorly)' genre was its comedic lightness, strong friendship element, relatability and emphasis on girl power.

a) By season 2, the lightness was already slowly disappearing to make way for season 3's darkness. (Quite literally; this show said sunlight scenes for WHO.) It also stopped being as fun. Remember how it genuinely used to be fun? I mean let's not forget The Best Scene Ever where Ruby shoots Big Mike by accident and we all laughed our asses off. (Compare and contrast to a similar-in-tone-and-context scene -- or even the whole episode -- like Boomer popping up behind them as Rio's package in season 3.) I think season 3 had some great lines and laughs, but in general, the fun element was completely missing for me.

b) As was the friendship. We already know Annie and Ruby basically became Beth's backup dancers in season 2, but at least then they still seemed to have some type of agency. In season 3, they rarely question Beth's (truly questionable) decisions, don't talk to her about shit like why she's still with her horrible husband and have very few true friendship moments as they did in season 1.

c) Which made it less relatable, but what also contributed was the major plot holes (it's less easy to relate when you're constantly having to remind yourself to suspend your disbelief). And, to be honest, their stupid actions. Just the most common-sense things weren't followed, like not taking your children to a crack den or not putting a hit out on a gang leader. It's frustrating watching a TV show -- where characters are supposed to learn things, have arcs and improve over time -- and feeling like you have more logical sense than all the main characters in every scene. (WHO would think a hitman was going to use a sniper rifle on people in broad daylight on the side of the road???)

d) You don't have to look any further than the title or the stans who shout "THE SHOW IS ABOUT THE GIRLS" -- or, hell, the first 10 seconds of the show where Sara is literally talking about the glass ceiling -- to know that the main characters being women is very important to the show. If not formally feminist, it was at least supposed to be empowering or feel like "girl power" (a term I hate, but we won't get into that now).

And I think it did it pretty well in season 1 -- it actually played on my favourite theme of the show, which is the world's perception of these women being what ultimately allows them to get away with so much. (Rife with opportunities for commentary about white privilege, but also a genius way to upend patriarchal beliefs.) But more and more it seemed like the show was asking you to accept empowerment as simply "these things are being done by women, yay".

And, well.

2. Its marketing

I'll keep this one short because I think we all know how messed up this situation is. Basically they're selling a show (every week!) that they're not making while ignoring all feedback on every social media platform. Which brings us to...

3. The marriage of Death

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times -- Beth's character development starts with getting rid of Dean. Her growth is stunted by him on multiple fronts and it's frustrating to viewers since she's constantly put forth as the main character. Not to mention how the audience, separately from Beth, was originally conditioned to see Dean as the scum of the earth (think of scenes like him crashing his car because he was perving on a woman jogging) so keeping them together is really... a choice. To actively root for this marriage (which seems like what the show wants, at least for the protracted moment) means either thinking Dean is a great person (which, as I said, we've only seen the opposite of) or believing he's all Beth deserves. Which leads me to...

4. Beth's (socio)path(y)

Is sociopath a 'good' word? Probably not. Have I seen dozens upon dozens of posts talking about whether Beth is one? Yes. And I see it from a huge variety of people -- from viewers who just binged the show last weekend to those who've been watching for years, the question keeps coming up. And I entirely blame the writing of the show that, by the way, I don't believe is deliberately creating Beth to get this reaction. I think she's written (and, to an extent, acted) in a way that is much too aloof and I'm not convinced it's meant to come off as cold and unfeeling as it does. Everything else leads me to believe that the audience is supposed to root for Beth, but it's just so difficult.

Beth does a lot of messed up shit that requires dialogue to sympathise with her and the inner workings of her mind, but in the later seasons Beth rarely gets to express herself verbally. And every time she does get to speak about her emotions, the dialogue is a pick-your-own-adventure between "She's in so much denial", "This person feels no emotions" and "I'll go find an analysis/fic later to explain this" (scenes like "Nothing" or "I was just bored"). Compare and contrast with some of the great scenes in season 1 where she emotes, like her paralysing shock after they first rob the store or admitting she enjoys crime, or (one of my favourites!) the one in the park where she's mimicking the other mothers beside her.

5. Brio

I said in the beginning that I was shocked Rio doesn't get mentioned until this point and that's because I've always felt like he was an integral part of the show. When people say the show is about the girls, they're truncating -- the show is about the girls getting into crime. That crime is represented by Rio over and over again -- they never bring in another criminal at his level (which is another one of its flaws, but that's also a different post); Rio is it.

And though I stand by Rio's importance, the truth is that Brio isn't as essential to the show, by which I mean that if all of the above were done well, it wouldn't be as sorely missed. In lieu of riveting plot, a fun friendship, character development and empowerment, most viewers have glommed onto Brio like a lifeboat (or ship, heh).

Unfortunately it's also what the show has most stubbornly refused to develop significantly.

It's honestly a toss-up for why I feel Brio is a flaw: is the flaw that they got together? That they never got together well enough? That the writing keeps bringing in these 'chemistry-filled' scenes that are ultimately filled with air?

I don't know. Maybe all of them; maybe just one, depending on the day.

6. Its criticism falls flat without intersectionality

This is a big one because Good Girls is *trying* to do something very clever. As mentioned previously, my favourite theme of the show is how the women's apparent innocence/vulnerability in the eyes of society is their biggest strength. The show plays with this and other interesting themes with varying levels of success, but ultimately they all fall a little flat when they don't feel intersectional.

When Ruby gets sidelined. When Turner, who sees and all but calls out by name Beth's privilege, is portrayed as the villain. When Rio is told he's gonna "pop a cap" in his young child's "ass". When the racist grandma becomes a sympathetic character whom we must later grieve. (And she really didn't have to be racist, now that I think about it? It was just that one line for laughs and that was it.) When, despite the real-world implications, Dean can loudly announce in a store that he's buying a gun to kill someone with and the show just glides past it. When Ruby has to grovel for forgiveness from Beth for trying to protect her husband and family from the system, with no acknowledgement from Beth about how their realities are different. When Rhea gets booted off the show as soon as she's done serving Beth's plot. When Rio gets treated like a prostitute for absolutely no reason. (Oh, and is accused of raping Beth and is literally spoken of as an animal and starts only existing in zero dim lighting as a one-dimensional stereotype... the list goes on.)

7. PR/The actors

I'll risk my life here to sprinkle this in because I do think it's a massive problem. The Manny/Christina of it all is just the tip of the iceberg (although wtf Good Girls? There's nothing you could do to get these two into an interview together??). The main actors do the bare minimum to promote the show and it's weird. I also think it's the height of unprofessionalism to keep characters on the show against the wishes of the majority of the audience just because you enjoy their actors (Boomer confirmed; Dean highly suspected). While, on the flip side of the coin, limiting a character's screentime because you aren't best buddies with them. Having less and less Rio when he's such a fan favourite is dumb; as is not including him in any series marketing material. It feels personal and that isn't how a TV show should be run.

8. The entire hair and wardrobe department needs a stern talking-to

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hotchley · 3 years

Text

the date

Surprise! I’m on holiday now so I’m using the time to try and get some of my WIPs finished. This and yesterdays were the most done, so don’t expect too much from the next two weeks because I also do need to start doing my work.

The temptation to post a spoiler was almost overwhelming, but I refrained so now you get to read the whole mess in one go! Also, funny story, this had been sitting in my drafts since last year and I only just got around to finish it.

There is a happy, alternate ending. Let me know if you want to see it!

Trigger Warnings: references to child abuse and domestic violence, both characters have low self-esteem and negative perceptions of themselves

read on ao3!

It's too early for anyone else to be there. The entire BAU is on leave- and given how often that was interrupted, it makes sense for everyone to be enjoying it whilst it lasts, but it still shocks her to see the entire sixth floor empty.

Apart from one person.

Hotch is sitting behind his desk, dressed casually. It's strange to see him there, frowning over paperwork, wearing a pair of worn jeans and a fuzzy jumper. It makes him look younger. more like Jack’s dad than Supervisory Special Agent Hotchner and it tugs at something in Emily's heart.

She pushes the feeling away. That isn’t why she's here. It doesn’t matter that she is the only one- aside from Dave- that knows the way he rubs his thumb against his other fingers is a way to soothe himself, not an indication that he's lying. It doesn't matter that she knows what his tell is, or that the smile that had spread across his face when she told him it was a date made her heart flutter. It's irrelevant that he’d pulled her closer when they were dancing as though he was trying to convince himself she was real.

She's leaving. And he's with Beth. Beth, who she had only spoken to for a few minutes but had immediately loved. She is everything Hotch needs after the darkness of the past two years. And Emily can't resent her. Not for falling in love with Hotch and certainly not because he loves her back.

He isn't hers. Maybe he would've been. In a different life where his torso isn't a mess of scars left by the same serial killer that had put his wife in the ground, and her darkness was something that didn't stop her from loving others or cause fear, they would've been beautiful. A peaceful garden that made people smile and realise that there was still hope and a reason to carry on.

But it isn't a different life. They live in a world where you can't keep a photo of your loved one in your wallet in case it fell into the wrong hands, and where the phone ringing did not provoke an eye roll at the latest scam, but a cold dread that someone else they loved is dead or gone. They live in a world where she taints everything she touches- apart from him because he has always been darkness and what she doesn't understand was that her touch made flowers blossom where only weeds had ever lived in his ribcage- and a world where he cannot handle his own humanity.

She hasn't knocked before walking into his office since that case in Milwaukee, all those years ago. She thinks of the woman she had been then, but for once, it doesn't hurt. She is still that headstrong and fiesty agent, but she is also more open and trusting. Aaron had changed too. He'd gotten older and more tired. But he trusts her.

Enough that she doesn't need to knock before entering. It feels wrong though, to walk in unannounced. He would know immediately if she knocks that something is up, and she wants to cling to the feeling of home for a few more moments. She clears her throat instead. The smile that crosses her face when he looks up, slightly startled by her sudden appearance, was completely involuntary.

"Why are you doing paperwork?" she asks.

He sets it to the side, looking like a child that had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "It's only going to pile up, so I thought I would get a head start."

"You deserve to take a break too," she chastises.

He looks down. "I know. Would you like to sit?"

She nods, taking the seat in front of his desk. When she looks at him, it is almost painful. Five years ago, he had called her into his office to snap at her. And she had hated him for it. She knew he was only pretending to not know where she'd gone for college. So she took the knife in her back and plunged it into his heart when she said he didn't trust women as much as men, despite knowing that wasn't true.

He doesn't trust anyone. How could he, when the very people that were meant to love him and keep him safe from the dark were the same monsters that emerged as the sun went down?

But he had looked younger then. Less tired by life and living. And she had been more hopeful. Not naive. She had never been naive. None of them had been. They'd never been given the chance to experience that feeling. But she'd had hope that they could save everyone.

And he hadn't been able to take that from her, but he watched as she slowly lost it. And she watched as he told the team he loved them in a thousand different ways. And she wondered how anyone could ever call him cold. He wasn't cold. Hotch did what it took to protect the honour of the BAU, but Aaron did what it took to keep his family together.

At some point, they had stopped fighting each other and started to blur the lines between friendship and more.

"Did you enjoy yourself last night?" he asks.

She nods. "JJ deserves it. So does Will. Especially after everything that's happened."

Neither of them know what, but something happened when she was at the State Department.

"We all deserve that," he says, almost too quietly for her to hear. One set of words that she cannot say threaten to fall from her mouth.

"Beth is lovely," she says instead. "What does Jack think of her?"

He smiles at the mention of his son. "She's one of his favourite people."

"That's lovely," she says, wondering why it was so difficult to speak to him. There were only two times their conversations had been this stilted: once when he started working for her mother, and once when she first joined the unit.

There's a sudden silence, and she stares past him and at the books lining his shelves. All the ones that could be seen were law-related. What few people knew was that at the very bottom of the shelf, where his desk and chair would cover it, he has books for Jack.

It had thrown her, the first time she'd seen them. She couldn't reconcile the image of Hotch and the image of Aaron. Now the two were interchangeable. Not that she ever actually called him Aaron. He would call her Emily like her name meant everything, but she was a coward. Aaron was too personal.

She'd used his first name twice. Once after Haley's death, when she thought he would retire even though he would never be happy. Once after her own death, when she told him to burn in hell. She regretted that, even now, after forgiveness had been given.

"She deserves better than me. I know that. I think deep down, she knows that too but I just can't let her walk away from me, and I don't know why," he blurts out. Almost like he needed to say something, but everything else was either too personal or too neutral.

But she understands what he means. She always does.

"You need to convince yourself you can love someone without destroying them. You need a reason to look through case file after case file. You need to know that someone will be waiting when you come home, that this is not for nothing."

Aaron stares, and she swallows. It had been so long since she had been this vulnerable with him. Her bad day, when she had let herself feel after so long of not, felt like decades ago. And in some ways, it had been. She had bought and sold a house. He had crumbled and found love again.

"Emily, there is a reason for all of this. You just need to remember it. And some day, you will have someone waiting at home for you, I promise. Just give it time," he says.

She smiles as he says her name. Ian had tainted it. But Aaron says it like it was something precious and beautiful. What she didn't understand was that, to him, it was. It always had been. It always would be, no matter what.

But then the rest of his words register and her smile fades. He already knows she's leaving, had known since she returned that it was only a matter of time. Foolishly he had hoped it would be far, far into the future, when his own health issues forced him to retire. That would be kind though. And the world had never been kind to either of them.

She would walk away now, even though she didn't want to, because she could not stand the memory of the last time she had been in that office. And he would stay, even though he couldn't, because he would not let the team lose yet another person.

"You know why I'm here, don't you?" she asks, thinking about their conversation the previous night. How it had been perfect, but a cloud shaped like goodbye had been hanging over them throughout the night. She supposed that was what life was though.

It didn't make it hurt any less when Dave forced her into Aaron's arms. He had smiled, that soft and gentle one that transformed him from Unit Chief into the man that knew far too much for his age. That still longed for a childhood.

She hadn't wanted to talk about work, or her departure or even Beth. Instead, she whispered to him about the time he had spent working for her mother, and how even then, his suits didn't fit properly. He responded by talking about the evenings they had spent together watching old reruns of the comedies from her childhood.

And it was nice.

And again, she wonders if she was doing the right thing.

"I have my suspicion," he says, trying to keep his tone light. He doesn't want Emily to regret anything. He doesn't want to influence her decision. But in the back of his mind, she's just another person leaving him. And he wonders if he would ever be good enough for anyone, and then he hates himself for thinking that because this wasn't about him.

It is about Emily. And her need for a fresh start.

"You want me to say it, don't you?" she isn't accusing him. She just needs to be sure.

"Need," he corrects. "I need you to say it."

But it isn't out of spite. Or anger. He just needs to know it was her choice. That he has nothing to do with it. That she doesn't blame him anymore. That the thing that had been building between them before- before Doyle, before Foyet made him too afraid to feel anything- has not been destroyed.

"I'm resigning from the BAU and moving to London," she says. Saying it out loud, for the first time, to him of all the people, made the situation so much real.

She hadn't fully processed that she had accepted Clyde's offer. She knew for a while that she would be leaving, but now, the full impact of it hit her. There would be no more crushing hugs from Derek in private after the cases that destroyed them both. No more little toys from Penelope stuffed into her top drawer to make her smile.

No more Aaron seeking her out to ask her silly questions about foreign languages because Jack had expressed an interest in them. No more Aaron making sure she was fine by simply glancing in her direction. No more coffee on her desk after a difficult meeting that he would never confess to making, but which everyone knew was his doing.

No more phone calls too early in the morning begging for a story, a joke, anything, to distract from the memory he had of her in the hospital after Doyle.

No more them, messy and broken and damaged as they were.

He nods. The smile on his face is forced, and she can see him fighting back tears. He doesn’t want her to go. But he also knows that she needs to. She is doing what he had never been able to do: leave, before it all became too much and whatever life they still had left was permanently ruined.

“You’ll take them by storm. Just like you did here,” he says.

She smiles slightly, thinking back once more to her earliest days. “Only there won’t be someone accusing me of being a spy for their boss, which really did define those first few months.”

She meant it as a joke. She really should have known better. He always took these things too literally, so afraid of the teasing disguising a genuine anger that would only come out hours later when he had forgotten the transgression.

“Emily, I never apologised for my actions, but I need you to know-”

“You have apologised. I don’t need to hear the words to know how sorry you are. Also, it wasn’t really misplaced distrust was it?”

“Still. I am sorry. For everything.”

He isn’t just talking about those early days, she suddenly realises. He was talking about everything, from Milwaukee to Benjamin Cyrus to Ian Doyle. She longs to reach across and take his hand, rubbing her own fingers over the skin that he was always worrying, but that isn’t her job anymore.

It never had been. Even if she had wanted it to be.

“So am I,” she says. “I miss the man you were when I first joined,” she adds without thinking.

He frowns, the furrow so much like the look Jack had given her when she told him the previous night that one day, he would also be old like his dad and her. It hurt, to see how similar they were. Maybe it was because, where Hotch had always hated looking like his father, Jack would love it.

“Why?” he asks, voice slightly hoarse. He's afraid of her answer.

“You had more faith in people and their goodness. More hope for the future. I don’t blame you for changing. Still, it was a beautiful belief to witness and be a part of.”

“Haley always gave me a reason to believe in goodness,” he confesses, fiddling with the pen he had set down the moment she walked in.

“Perhaps Beth can give you some more,” she says, without a single hint of jealousy or anger. She has no right to either of those emotions. Women like her, women that only hurt the people they loved and who were harsh and cruel and rough around the edges did not get men like him.

Men like Aaron got soft and gentle women who saw nothing but the best in everyone. It was the only way that they could carry on doing their jobs. The only way any of them could carry on looking into the abyss without flinching was by having something that would be their solace. Something or someone untouched by the horrors of the day and evil of the night.

He has found his solace. She is still searching. Because he cannot be her solace anymore. It isn’t fair to either of them. She's not going to make him choose between loving her and loving Beth. She knows that people could love more than one person, but he already felt guilty for still loving Haley. After everything else she had put him through, she couldn't put him through the pain of knowing that she had always loved him, had always known just what his lingering stares meant, but had just never found the right time to say it all.

"When I said she deserves better than me, I didn't just mean because I'm broken."

"Aaron, you aren't-"

"Stop, let me- let me finish. I am. I have been for a while now. Maybe I was never whole to begin with. I meant that I'm in love with someone else. I thought I was over it, but I wasn't, and it was only when we started dating that I realised."

"Nobody can fault you for still loving Haley. She was torn from you in the most horrific way possible, and if you still love her, that's okay. Your heart has always been too big for just one person."

"I'm not talking about Haley," he whispers. "I'm talking about you."

"Aaron."

"I love you," he chokes out.

He can't. He can't love her. If he loves her, he will end up in a coffin, buried in the ground because she always kills the people that love her. If he loves her, the flowers in his heart that were finally blooming after Haley's death caused them all to wilt would be permanently destroyed.

He stares at her. She looks away. The look on his face is too real. Too much. If she looks at him, she would end up tearing up the resignation and phoning Clyde to say she couldn't do it. She believes that there was a universe in which she was strong enough to stay. A universe in which she was still beautiful.

But in the universe she lives in, she isn't. She is hardened by life and terrified of love. In the universe where Aaron only knows how to say I love you when everything else failes, who had only ever heard the words used out of fear, shouted by a desperate mother as her husband refused to have mercy, she has gone too long without speaking.

"Say something. Even if it's that you hate me and that I'm a terrible person. Or that I'm being cruel and unfair because I am. You're ready to leave and I shouldn't be ruining your fresh start like this but I just-"

"I love you too," she says.

His jaw drops. "Emily," he breathes.

"I- I love you. I don't know when it started or when I realised, but I love you. I have for a while. I just- I couldn't say anything."

"Why?"

The question catches her off-guard. "What?"

"Why do you love me?"

He's not searching for a compliment. He genuinely wants to know why she- with her beauty and strength and power and loyalty and kindness- could ever love him.

"For the same reason you hate yourself."

He laughs. "That's funny. In some twisted way, that's funny. I love you for the same reasons you hate yourself too."

She looks at him. Him, with his tired eyes and gentle smiles. With his twisted definition of love because nobody ever taught him what it really was. Who believed he had to be perfect, or else people would leave. Who led the team with such passion and loyalty because Haley's love terrified him, and it was easy to push her away. Him, who still does not know the difference between safety and happiness and who does not understand where kindness and love differ.

And she knows that she cannot do it. She is not strong enough to love him the way he needs. Maybe a few years ago. Maybe if this was a few years later. But time was a funny thing. It was always working against them.

"I love you," she repeats.

"You won't stay though, will you?" there is no anger in his voice. Just an acceptance she hates. He always accepts things far too easily.

"I can't."

"I know. It's okay. I don't want you to have any regrets. About anything."

He stands, and she follows almost immediately, her body still attuned to his movements. When he walks around to stand in front of her, she wonders if this is the climax of their story. If this is the final moment, where the tension peaks, and everything ends happily.

When he was a child, he pretended his life was like the films he never got to watch in order to escape the reality of it. He eventually accepted that life did not always come with closure and sometimes loose ends could not be tied up.

He holds out his hand for her. "Agent Prentiss. I wish you all the best in the future."

She refuses to take his hand. "You don't want me to have regrets?"

He drops his hand back down by his side. "Of course not Em. Of course not."

Without giving herself time to think, she closes the gap between them and stands on her tip-toes. He doesn't pull away, but his breathing goes uneven as it catches in his throat. He looks down at the ground, unable to meet her eyes.

There is so much about him she wants to learn. So much she wants to memorise but she doesn't have time. So she presses one soft and gentle kiss to his forehead, smiling through the sadness as he relaxes into the touch with a shaky exhale.

He doesn't move. He can't. And so she steps away, clearing her throat, wiping away the tear that threatens to fall.

"Goodbye Aaron," she says, his first name slipping out without her even realising she was saying it.

"You only ever call me Aaron when you're saying goodbye. I'm not sure whether it makes me hate or love my name more," he says.

"For what it's worth, I am sorry," she says instead. She doesn't want to think about the reasons he hates his name. Or the irony of it meaning exalted, when every single person that was meant to protect him failed.

"I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to look back and smile. And be proud of the lives you saved, the family you found. I want you to remember that you made me a better man. That you were right. I wasn't alone."

"None of us were. Will you come and visit me? Maybe help me get settled?"

It is selfish to ask, but she never claimed to be good. Aaron believes she is, but she knows she isn't.

"Of course I will," he promises. How can he not, when he blames himself for every single bad thing that had happened since she joined?

She gave him one final smile before closing the door behind her, ready to start a new life but still feeling like her heart had been torn from her chest. He watches her go, only falling to the ground to sob when the elevator doors close behind her one last time.

In the end, he does not visit. He gets as far as picking his seat, when he realises he cannot do it. He cannot see her. When he phones Derek, pleading for him to go instead, and to take Penelope so Emily cannot be angry, he doesn't even pretend to hide the fact that he has been crying.

Derek doesn't even hesitate. He just says he'll do it.

Emily hates Aaron for being too much of a coward to come and see her, even after he told her to not have any regrets. She hates herself more for not being able to see him when she hears about the emergency surgery. Saving JJ becomes her apology.

Still, it's not enough for her. Which is exactly why it's too much for him. Because even when they're stood across from each other, drinks in hand as they celebrate JJ's survival, they cannot be honest.

And then she leaves him again. He can't blame her.

He blames time. They never had enough. Or the right one.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fic #hotchniss #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #sad aaron hotchner #hotch angst #sad emily prentiss #emily angst #tw child abuse #tw negative self talk #sumayyah writes cm

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