#was thinking it was like intrusive thoughts or homicidal fantasy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bugs1nmybrain · 6 months

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Have you heard the song “give your heart a break” by Demi Lovato imagine that as a cute love story for Shigaraki with the female reader?

(I was thinking about just using the song as a story title and then use your imagination and get creative with whatever you choose and just have fun with it?😅)

Give Your Heart a Break - a soft Tomura Shigaraki x fem!reader series

CHAPTER 1 (Minors Don't Interact)

You can read Chapter 2 here.

Notes: You asked for a love story, and you're getting a love story XD. I plan for this to be a continuing series. No overarching goal with this series, just a sweet story about how Shigaraki fell hard for the reader. It will be messy! Shigaraki is not a healthy guy and would be a vile boyfriend, but I will make this as fluffy as possible. Underneath all that homicidal rage is just a boy who was never loved. This is admittedly a very, "I can fix him," kind of story lmao.

Summary: First encounter between Shigaraki and the reader. The whole chapter is literally Shiggy freaking out in GameStop because you walked in and you're so pretty and he wants to talk to you but doesn't know how.

Warnings will come and go as each chapter comes out.

Warnings: The canon of BNHA is altered; quirks still exist but Shigaraki is more of a domestic gang leader than a domestic terrorist lmao. NSFW (no sex in this chapter), Shigaraki is a creep, fluff, blue-haired Shigaraki (season 4ish), CHEESY, Shigaraki hears voices and has very loud intrusive thoughts (they are highlighted in blue and red), POV swings, CLIFFHANGER

Notes about Reader's Appearance and Personality: HEAVILY based off of me. She's shy and polite up front but silly and vulgar with people close to her. She is short and a little thicc. Alternative clothing style and she's messy looking. She is a gamer! She is insinuated to be Shigaraki's age (20), maybe even older. She likes anime! She has crooked teeth.

Tomura wasn't unlike other 20-year-old men in that he found himself checking out girls from time to time. He usually didn't do more than look in his peripheral vision, actually, love and romance and even sex were all things Tomura wasn't acquainted with. There's no way someone so twisted could ever be loved.

Tomura loved giving off the impression that he needed nobody. Even in the League, he isolated a lot while the other members would be doing something together. He'd retreat to his own room and play games or plan out operations, but sometimes he'd retreat so that he could cuddle up with his favorite body pillow and just lay there.

He'd probably kill anyone who ever found out about it, but he was starving for love. To be touched, held, kissed. For someone to play with his hair and be comfortable around him. Everyone's so afraid of him, and that's a good thing! However, sometimes he just wished he had someone, just ONE person who wanted his company. Someone to listen to him rant for hours about how much he hates heroes, someone to play games with, someone to make love to, or someone to just hold for comfort when he was stressed.

He'd commit mass genocide if anyone knew he'd had imaginary girlfriends.

Now, a big scary bad guy like Tomura could get a girlfriend, right?? Just use those scare tactics, hold her by the throat with one finger up, and tell her she has no option but to love him. Steal her, hide her, keep her to himself? Sure, the fantasy was a little hot to him, and he could so easily do it. Tomura didn't want that though. As possessive as he is, he wanted to be loved. Not feared. He's feared plenty.

He'd kill if anyone knew how much pain he's in every time he sees a cute couple walk into GameStop. It pisses him off so bad. Why can't he have that?

"Well, doi, Shigaraki. You're a murderer, a psychopath, and a villain. Just one touch and it's over. What girl is going to want your hands all over her?"

"Whatever."

Shigaraki was currently at GameStop looking for a video game he'd been wanting to play. He picked the game and came up with a few fingers, turning it the other way around to read the details. As he was reading, he heard a ding from the door, meaning someone was entering the store. Shigaraki always looked when it went off because he could never be too sure that some hero bounty hadn't tracked him down. He looked over to the door, expecting it to be nothing special.

Whatever Tomura was feeling right now started in his eyes. Goodness, you were so...colorful. Not even! It was funny, considering you were wearing mostly black. However, your pretty hair that was put up in pigtails and your sharp black eyeliner made you stand out like a sore thumb.

You were little, too. Tomura looked in comparison as you stood at the door, seeing that you were only around the 5' mark on the height scale.

The feeling started going to his brain now. You stepped closer and closer to the store, your pumped boots making you seem all big (even tho ur're small), bad, and mysterious. He worried you were going to walk over to his area, but you made a beeline toward the anime section.

"Hehe weeb."

Tomura didn't want to stand out, so he just stayed put, looking at games he was never going to play. He didn't even read the labels, he merely pretended to so he could observe you. He saw the other losers in the store eyeball you, too. That made him wanna kill them for some reason. He wanted to get a proper look at you, but he didn't want you to know that he was blatantly creeping on you. Even if he just looked at you, you'd probably leave the store like that. After all, he was wearing a black hoodie and the parts of his face that were visible were his rather creepy features. He'd scare you off.

He's planned some pretty crazy missions before, surely he could gather intel on you in your short time in GameStop, right?

He wanted a better look at you, so he switched from the PS area to the T-shirts. He even pretended to do a little "aha" at the shirts to make it seem like he wasn't purposely there so he could see you better. When he could get a solid look, though, he instantly needed to know everything about you.

Goodness, he's a simp, huh? You were just so goshdarn cute. Sure, he saw gothic and alt girls around the mall all the time. You looked a bit silly, though. Your makeup wasn't bad, but it was messy. Your hair could probably use some brushing too. You held a phone that had a case of some anime guy, though he didn't know which one.

"Hehe weeb."

Fuck, you were heading his way. He didn't know if he should leave before you were near him or just stay. You kept your distance anyway, as you were standing very far off to the side. Surely, you weren't able to get a good look at the shirts. He stepped back, hoping that you'd be able to tell he was giving you room. You smiled and said, "thank you," going to step forward.

Now the feeling was going to his nuts.

Now that you were in front of him, he got a nice view of the back of you. Not only could he see up close how small you really were, but he got a great view of your more intimate areas. He could tell from your skirt that you had wide hips and thick thighs, which made him pop a tiny smirk while you weren't looking.

"Grab her."

Oh, come on, not now.

Stupid fucking voices. Though, they had a point. She's small and seems polite enough to manipulate. She's thick but probably isn't that heavy in the grand scheme of things. Alone. And she ain't getting nowhere in those shoes.

While his voice distracted him, you had managed to end up at the registrar with a t-shirt in your hand. Tomura didn't really think as he bolted over behind you, he wasn't ready for you to leave. He already had his game that he had to buy so it wasn't like he was in line for no reason.

The feeling started going into his blood. He felt hot, and it was because of the stupid cashier making jokes with you and being friendly. Your laugh. He could tell it was fake, but you were so warm?

"Pet her hair."

Wow, ok, Tomura thought. Sometimes they'd say very bizarre things. Voices were confusing because he could never tell if they were deep-seated desires of his or if his brain just purposely wanted to fuck him over.

She started to pull out her wallet to pay but ended up dropping something. It landed right at Tomura's feet, so he bent down to grab it. A debit card!

"I'm sorry," you laugh nervously.

Tomura made sure to read your name intently before handing it back to you.

"No worries, hah. Guess I got to be somebody's hero today," he joked. Fuck. That was a bad joke wasn't it?

"That'd be the first time a hero has done anything helpful for me, then, haha."

...!

"That was a jab at heroes, wasn't it?" He thought. Now the feeling was in his chest. Maybe he's running with too little information but that sounded like an "I hate heroes," joke. Oh, now he's really got to know you.

"Yeah, maybe if they got off all those stacks they make they'd actually save a life, huh?"

"Hehe! You get it!"

You were smiling at him. And laughing. But not the fake laugh you gave the cashier. Your cheeks also flushed up as you giggled at his insult to hero society and he even got to see your teeth. Crooked, like his. He felt paralyzed, being able to look at you without sneaking it this time.

"I like your hair," you said to him.

Shit. He didn't even notice his hoodie fell off when he grabbed your card. Hopefully, the shopkeeper didn't know what "Shigaraki" was supposed to look like.

"I don't see many guys with blue hair like yours."

His eyes lit up when you said that. He may have even felt a small blush creep on his cheeks. Tomura knew he had an ugly face, one that made people whisper and steadily move away from him. But you complimented his hair instead of getting creeped out by him. "Really?"

"Yea. I like it a lot. Most people go for dark blue, but your color is prettier."

Pretty?!

He could swear that he can see you flustered. Is he making you blush? He didn't even do anything but have blue hair.

"Sorry, that was weird," you stammer, realizing that the word "pretty" could've offended him.

"Oh, no. You're fine! I like your hair too, the way you styled it is cute," he beams, hoping to earn some flirting points. You flashed him an adorable smile back, so he must've struck a chord.

"Ma'am, I don't mean to interrupt, but there's a line," the cashier says, getting your attention.

"Oh, right."

The way your voice shot down maybe two octaves was so funny to Tomura. You were so bubbly and flustered with him and yet so dry and indifferent with this guy. You were so interesting already. It's a good thing he made sure to remember the name on that card. Your name fits you so well, too.

You paid for your shirt and started leaving the store. Fuck, no! He didn't want you to go just yet.

"Stop her."

"Grab her."

"Tell her she's hot."

"jesus christ shut the fuck up!" Tomura mutters to himself as quiet as he could. He was trying so hard to think of how to get your attention again, but before he could, you had already been no where to be found.

"Stupid short bitch, I'll find you."

He may have thought of that one voluntarily.

#shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura #shigaraki tomura x reader #tomura shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki #shiggy x reader

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rottedschizo · 1 month

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Symptoms in no particular order (not asking for a diagnosis- though any advice or suggestion will be helpful) Mainly posting this so I can keep it somewhere. These symptoms have all existed for 3+ years by now.

Idolising/Romanticizing of serial killers. Namely Dahmer, Nilsen, Kemper. Though not technically a serial killer I think highly of the unibomber. To have the level of intelligence needed to pull that off. I wish I was able to just act on it. But I doubt the thrill I'd get would counterbalance the consequence.

Constant desire to self isolate. I truly believe I would be much happier and more content if I didn't have to deal with people and their drama and gossip and judgement.

Uninterested in holding up professional obligation. I'm not interested in getting a job. I doubt I can find one interesting enough to willingly apply for. It's even less likely I can find one where I don't have to interact with humans. I don't see why I should need to get a job, or attend education.

Unstable sense of self- the sort of person I want to be, how I want to be perceived and what I want to do, and what I enjoy.

Can't form strong opinions on things. Don't care enough to form strong opinions, general apathy across all areas. If it doesn't affect me I don't care. From something as small as whether someone's outfit looks nice to catastrophe and war. If it doesn't affect me, I really dont give a shit.

Paraphilic interests. (Maybe a disorder though I'm hesitant to call it that as it's not diagnosed) Sexually drawn to death and blood, the idea of killing. The idea of encouraging someone to kill.

Need to be thought of highly. I need to be the best at what I enjoy, if I'm learning a new skill and not good at it straight away, I quit it, and decide that it's not that impressive and doesn't take any skill.

I believe my opinions and my wants should be heard and followed above anyone else's. Even if more people want to do something, I believe that if I don't want to they should let it go. Even if there are more of them, if I don't want to do something I don't see why we should.

Blunted emotions and blunted affect. The only emotion I feel with any sort of intensity is anxiety really. I don't experience anger so the homicidal fantasies don't really come from that.

Obsession with gore videos. This is really how it sounds to be honest. I love gore. Not in a morbid curiosity, can't look away from a car wreck way, but in the sense that it brings an odd sense of thrill. Of arousal. Adrenaline. I love watching videos or real murders or accidents. The more blood and viscera the better.

Homicidal fantasies. I have deep and detailed thoughts about killing people. I wouldn't call them intrusive per se. The don't disgust me or distress me. In fact, I enjoy the fantasies and how they make me feel. I have detailed plans. The how, anyway. How I'd kill and how I'd clean up afterwards, I'd film them as well- for the fame and notoriety. I wouldn't feel bad about it, I don't think. The consequences are just more trouble than it's worth.

I experience no empathy and little sympathy. I find it near impossible to care about other people. It doesn't affect me directly so I really don't care. I only care about people opinions if it portrays me in a negative light. The only people I truly care about are my cats. I care very little about the death or pain of family and not at all about that of strangers.

Incapable of making or keeping friends. This really isn't much of an issue for me seeing as I have very little interest in other people but it is rare that I am able to maintain a long term friendship with people who do interest me.

Uninterested in forming relationships, whether platonic, romantic or professional. I don't enjoy being around people, I despise the vast majority of them.

Anhedonia. Almost nothing brings me pleasure. Reading doesn't, watching TV doesn't, masturbation doesn't, eating doesn't. I don't really enjoy anything, anymore.

Alogia. I speak significantly less than I used to. I rarely talk unless someone has spoken to me first and most of my sentences are 8 words or less. It seems to be more effort than it's worth, and is usually very basic in content.

Lack of motivation. It's like a battle to get up the strength to do anything. My hygiene is poor because I struggle with a lack of motivation to push myself to take care of my body and my hygiene.

Hallucinations and Unusual perception. I'll see things that aren't there, or I'll misinterpret something that is there. I'll hear someone call my name through an already existent noise or I'll hear random screaming with no discernable source. I'll feel bugs crawl up and down my skin or underneath it. I'll smell things other people can't smell. Burnt toast, a very specific chocolate bubble bath, onions being cooked.

My thoughts run in loops I can't control or follow. It gets tiring trying to untangle my thoughts.

#symptom list #schizospec #cluster a #schizoid personality disorder #schizotypal personality disorder #paranoid personality disorder #cluster b #antisocial personality disorder #borderline personality disorder #histrionic personality disorder #narcissistic personality disorder #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #tagging for reach #tagging for visibility

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aspd-culture · 1 year

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do you have any suggestions or advice for people with ASPD who experience strong homicidal thoughts (or thoughts about acts of strong violence in general)? I feel like this topic is already so rarely talked about, and even when it is most resources focus on people struggling with intrusive thoughts, not genuine fantasies. (just to clarify: not in crisis or actually planning to do anything, just annoyed of constantly thinking about this). People usually just say to “get help”, but I’ve been getting help for years now and nothing has changed.

To be honest, most of my current coping mechanisms for violent thoughts are unhealthy but not destructive (most often w**d which is legal where I am and/alcohol), so I don't recommend them. I agree that getting help for these types of thoughts is extremely difficult, especially while balancing the dreaded "danger to yourself or others" mandated reporter line. I do have some ideas, though.

Check google to see if there is a "wreck room" of some kind around you. These are safe places with safety practices and PPE that exist to allow people to take out aggressive anger on items (aka smash things) in ways that are not destructive to your or other's property or person. These are showing up more and more nowadays as we realize that this outlet can be done healthily if people are given the access and tools to do it in a healthy way. While it isn't the same as hurting someone, it stimulates many of the same parts of the brain. Also, doing it in a wreck room means you don't have to do the cleanup. Major bonus there.

If you can't afford that but have things you can break and a safe area you're willing to fully clean later, you can do the same type of thing at home. Make sure you always wear PPE like goggles and gloves, and if you are doing it outside make sure anything a child or animal running through your yard (even if you don't have kids or animals, kids wander and strays exist) is fully cleaned up. Please inform the people you live with if you take this method, as it can be scary to walk in on this type of thing and you could get the cops called on you if you don't inform them. Lie if you have to: "my friend needs broken pieces of XYZ for an art project", "this is really bulky and took up too much space in the garbage can so I'm breaking it down", or the ever iconic "my ex gave it to me", for example.

I sometimes find other replacement behaviors via video games like COD and Apex Legends helpful, but they don't always help everyone.

Punching bags are one of my preferred replacement behaviors, but they are often expensive and difficult to set up, making them inaccessible.

Watching violent movies or documentaries or true crime podcasts on real violent crimes often helps me, but that kind of thing makes things worse for some people.

Gross motor activities like walking, running, swimming, etc can be helpful as they stimulate similar parts of the brain to the ones violent actions do.

I know you mentioned you are not in crisis or active planning, but for anyone who may be, a disclaimer: If you or anyone reading this honestly feels they may be a threat to themselves or others, I can only advise getting help and speaking to a professional about this. Top priority should always be safety above all else, and checking yourself in to get help before you do something drastic is always going to be easier and better for everyone than trying to hide from or handle the repercussions of that event later. There are emergency systems and programs in place to help you learn to cope or find medications that can help you if you are in an urgent situation, before something bad happens, but tumblr is not one of them; I am not one of them.

Whatever you do, please keep yourself and others safe. I hope this helps.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #tw violent urges #tw violence mention #tw violent imagery #tw violence #tw violent thoughts #tw true crime #cw violence #tw homicide #anons welcome

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jaeminscoffee · 3 years

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Daddy Issues | S. Jn

Pairing | Seo Johnny x Fem!Reader

Genre | Smut, fluff

Wc;type | oneshot: 3.93k [not proof read]

Warning(s) | Pwp, dilf!johnny, y/n's a pillow princess, daddy kink, overstimulation, teasing, edging, dacryphilia, slight voyeurism, degradation kink, heavy use of the words 'doll, princess, slut, pretty, angel', typical lyra smut, i made haechan johnny's son (i was about to write changbin as johnny's son but decided against it) age gap, unprotected sex ( the Reader's on pills. Remember this is a fiction, don't play the wrong card irl) filth.

a/n- i found this request buried in my asks and was tempted to write it. Sure, the warning looks intimidating, but i know you wanna read it, y'all whores (ily) shoutout to @bakugou-is-my-bae @cvntzennie and @jenopollo for helping me decide what to post first! @suhpersonic

Minors try not to interact! <3

Age is just a number, so surely, there's nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of, right?

There's no reason for you to not fall for the friendly neighborhood bachelor, well not so bachelor bachelor, since he does go around asking people who knows of his marriage to pretend it never took place.

Johnny's hot, super hot. Has the build of a supermodel. Has the face that one can only imagine belongs to a greek god, as you'd jokingly tell him how he seemed to be god's favorite and how you loathe Aphrodite for showing favoritism (which would always end up with you getting a very sultry, teasing look from the lad)

Johnny has the type of personality that women can only wish the entirety of the male species would possess. He's an absolute sweetheart, life of the party, definitely the center of attention wherever he goes. And oh god, does he have an immaculate fashion sense.

But Johnny's also the father of Donghyuck. Your best friend.

More than being ashamed about the fact that you actually fell in love with a man who has a child of your age, it was the fact that you had to fall for Donghyuck's father of all people.

Donghyuck is a sweetheart, definitely got his personality from his father but he's also got that glare that could creep the Lord's of the darkness from his father. He's got so much from his father that the resemblance is uncanny.

You'd not want to get onto hyuck's bad side since you've gotten first hand experience at stopping him from almost committing homicide to someone who spoke shit about his friends, more specifically, you.

But Hyuck's not in town. So a little fun with Mr. Suh wouldn't hurt anyone, correct? After all, you're still only a human with desires and the want to take risks.

You'd always not so subtly drop hints at Johnny and he'd always give you that look that would have slick collecting itself between your thighs. A warning look.

A look that said, "cross the line and you'll get it"

But that's the thing, you want to get it and will do anything to get it.

"Y/n."

You'd ask yourself less than a million times if you want to do this or not.

Sure, you weren't this hesitant when you decided to sext your best friend's father knowingly when he was in business mode to irk him up but that's one thing.

And having to confront the same father who left a message smaller than a sentence that completely disregarded all the obscene text and images to show that he's not the slightest bothered or suprised by your behavior for that matter was another thing.

"Tomorrow at mine."

It's almost as though he deals with hormonal teenagers one as such as yourself on a daily basis and that thought kind of backfired at you considering the whole 'Let's piss Johnny off so that he'd finally give me what i want' agenda.

Ironic, huh?

"Mr. Suh." you start hesitantly, unsure of what to call him, scared of what his reaction would be after your inappropriate shenanigans last night.

Your stiff demeanor broke down a little with just a hint of shiver passing down your spine as you watch his features contort into a subtle but cocky smirk, "So now you're being all formal,"

"Well, what else would you like me to address you as?" you inquire, feigning oblivion to his tone and what he's implying at. "You tell me, doll. You seemed to have a lot of names to call me last night," he takes a step forward, prompting you to walk a step backwards, further into the corridors of his apartment and away from the actual location.

"I do not know what you're talking about.. " you let your voice shrivel towards the end, eyes wandering around the complex, finding interest in every small detail as you avoid Johnny's teasing gaze.

"You don't?" Johnny takes another step forward, latching his hands onto your forearms to prevent you from stepping further away, "You must have had a heavy sleep to forget all that you did last night," his voice drops dangerously low as he begins to walk backwards and back into the safety of his apartment, all the while keeping his gaze fixated on you.

"That won't do, would it? How about we take a walk down the memory lane? And see if that rings any bell?" He brushes your hair away from its static position on your shoulder, allowing him to appreciate all those fine details of your shoulders and neck that are exposed from your selection of clothing, an off shoulder.

"How about we don't...?" You ask with skepticism, jolting slightly when you hear the door shut behind you and at the new intrusion of personal space by the lad.

"Why are you acting all shy now, Y/n? Weren't you the one so eager to get into her best friend's fathers pants? Just be the whore you are, darling. Your facade's fooling no one." okay you definitely didn't see that coming.

Johnny's expressions morph into that of mischief as he watches your eyes grow wide and mouth fall ajar, "Am i not correct? Are you not a whore?" he asks with an eyebrow quirked up in a questioning manner.

You don't reply, almost as though the question was meant to linger in the open and that it was a rhetorical one. What you didn't expect, however, was for Johnny's hands to find pursuit around your neck, not necessarily applying pressure, but there as a warning.

"Answer me."

"I'm not.." you answer with a feeble voice, internally cringing at how squeaky you sound which only added to Johnny's amusement.

"Really? Because I don't think good girls go around drooling at a divorced man, her friend's father for that matter and definitely do not send lewd images and voice out their fantasies to a guy twice their age, still want to pretend you're innocent? Or you admit it and we cut down the chase?"

"Yes, I am." you breathe out when his fingers tighten around your neck, a triumphant smile making its way onto his lips. Yet, Johnny felt the need to keep pushing,

"you're what?"

"I am what you said I am," you speak, trying to avoid looking at the scrutinizing look on his face which seemed futile as he had his arms wrapped around your neck, keeping your head in place.

"I want to hear you say it, doll. I need to hear you say it." At this point Johnny's intent was to get you into a flustered puddle in his hold and it sure as hell was going in that direction, seeing how you can't even hold his gaze for more than a few seconds in a shot.

"I am.. I am a who-"

The sound of a phone ringing loud cut you off midway through your sentence, to which you were absolutely relieved. Johnny only seemed to grow annoyed the more he heard the phone ring. With a loud huff, he lets you go, not before giving you a stern look, "Go to my room." he instructed, making his way to the study.

You let out a breath you've been holding in unknowingly the moment he steps away from you. You watch his figure retreat from you with awe, only now realizing how messy you felt between your legs and how your knees keep buckling.

"Oh Hyuck!" you hear Johnny exclaim into the phone the minute you step forward to follow his command.

Your best friend is on call with the guy you're about to fuck.

Your blood runs cold as you shakily make your way into the apartment and towards the bedroom, shrugging off your sling bag, hanging it behind the door as you place your phone on the bedside table to wipe your hands dry from all the sweat that had accumulated at the palm of your hands.

"Yeah, I'm fine, about to eat to my dinner actually" you hear the moment to make yourself comfortable at the edge of the bed, looking over to the door where Johnny stood with his arms across his chest, the other holding up the phone as he leans his weight onto one shoulder, leaning into the doorframe.

You take the time to really appreciate his appearance. He adorned nothing more than a simple grey sweat and tight black tee but he seemed ready to walk down a runway at any given moment now. His long hair, slightly disheveled looking almost intentionally messed up, compliments his features. And oh his features.

The everlasting smirk stayed still on his lips, moving as he exchanged words with his son.

You only come back to your senses when Johnny snapped his free hand in front of you, gaining your attention. He points at his own shirt, then points at you, mouthing 'off' while he listens to Donghyuck speak about whatever he's speaking.

"Really? Jeno said that? Tell him I'm more than willing to welcome him as my gym partner, the lad seems strong" Johnny makes a quick move to remove the gadget from his ear, before holding it in front of him after placing the call on speaker mode

Your eyes widen the moment you hear the disturbance in the background and Donghyuck's voice resonate through the room. "no?? Why would you want to work out with him? He'll only make you feel old, you know?"

"Says the one who still can't beat me at arm wrestling. If anything, i think Jeno would make the perfect gym buddy for me," Johnny raises an eyebrow at your defiance, cocking his head towards the side, staring down at you with a predatory look, "Hyuck, you know, Y/n-" you scramble to take your shirt off at the mention of your name on the call, "-stopped by earlier" he lets out a silent laugh of disbelief.

"Oh? Oh yeah! I'd told her I'd give her book back before I left but I forgot, did you perhaps give it back to her?" Donghyuck questions.

"I figured you must've forgotten so, yeah i did." Johnny replies, pushing himself off of the doorframe, now walking towards you.

"Man, I miss her! I might facetime her after I end the call with you," Johnny sets down the phone beside you on the bed, leaning down, placing both his hands on either side of your lap, finding comfort at the crook of your neck,

"I remember her mentioning something about her cousin coming over? Maybe wait for an hour or so before calling her" his lips graze against your neck each time he spoke, you let out a tiny whimper at the so longed feeling, only to earn yourself a small bite at the earlobe, immediately accompanied by a hand over your mouth, "you need to be quiet, doll. Or my son would find out how much of a slut his best friend is," he whispers in your ear.

"Yeah? Did she mention which one?"

"No, not really, she kinda just stormed out after getting what she wanted" Johnny creates a trail of kisses all the way from your neck to your shoulders, down the collarbone while one of his hand worked to unhook your bra, "Yeah, she's weird like that," you hear Donghyuck let out a chuckle as you whine into Johnny's palm, your figure slightly trembling from the fear of getting caught all the while being excited about the risky situation he's put the two of you in.

"Anyways, I'll call you tomorrow? The boys are coming over now so I got to go! Night, dad!" Donghyuck speaks up again, "Night, Hyuck."

You hear the beep indicating the call has ended. Johnny let's his hand drop from your mouth and makes its way towards your hair, brushing through the strands before pulling at it with a firm grip, "I had my son on call and here you are making all these sweet noises, you wanted to get busted, doll?"

"It's not my fault! You-"

"ah-ah! Don't talk back, angel. You're already in deep trouble, don't want to add onto that now, do we?" He makes a swift move to have you lying on your back, your torso completely exposed to him while he remains clothed.

"But Johnny-" you whine, jolting when you feel his hands caressing the soft flesh of your inner thighs, "How do you think Hyuck would feel about this?" his hands travel further north, cupping your heat from underneath your skirt. "fuck, you're drenched"

"Now tell me, pretty girl, what are you supposed to be calling me, now?"

"Johnny-, tha-that was a joke! I don't have daddy kin-" you try clenching your thighs close from the sudden attention your core was receiving. Johnny wholeheartedly lets out a laugh at your attempt to hide your true feelings, making a quick act of disregarding your soaked panties somewhere behind him.

"Darling, the more you deny it, the longer we keep going at it-" his thumbs at your clit, applying pressure but making no move to quench your needs. You let out a sigh of bliss at the feeling, your back arching off of the sheets at the sensation.

In any other situation, you'd be embarrassed at how sensitive you'd gotten just from all the dirty talking and looks Johnny passed you. But that's the catch, he's Johnny, the only one who can get you this sensitive while doing the bare minimum.

"Say it, Y/n."

"No, Johnny! It's-it's embarrassing.." you plead with your eyes, grinding your hips against his fingers, earning a satisfied, dirty look from the lad.

"Very well.. I'll just draw it out of you"

Without warning, Johnny with little to no resistance, slides two slender digits into your wetness, setting a pace fast enough to draw loud chains of cries from your mouth.

"You hear that, doll? You hear how fucking wet you are? Hm?" he growls animalistically, the thumb that remained on your clit now moving in circles with a motive to get you undone in seconds.

"Johnn-..!" you whine out, feeling your orgasm growing so close that you could almost taste it, "Still going at that, angel?" he questions, not really expecting an answer as he soaks up the pleasured look on your face. "Johnny- I'm close.. -" you fail to notice the mischievous grin growing on his face as he speeds up the movement of his fingers.

"Of course you are, doll" He feels you clench around his fingers, back coming off of the mattress as you ready yourself for your release, waiting until the last minute to draw his finger out.

"Why would you-? Johnn-I was so close!" you cry out as you sense your core clench around nothing, whining about the incomplete orgasm. "Why would I give you what you want when you wouldn't comply, baby? That's not how this works." He shrugs, licking his fingers clean of your essence, moving up from the bed to remove the shirt that seemed to be suffocating now.

"Johnny, please!" you whine louder, rubbing your thighs together to create some sort of friction, all unsatisfactory as it did not meet the same intensity as that of his fingers.

"Please what, doll?" He smirks, knowing the ball is in his court and that you'd had to give in any moment now. Johnny leans down once again, drawing lazy circles at your clit, using his other hand to hold himself up above and close to you, his minty breath which had a hint of coffee fanning your face as you whimper, finally feeling your high building itself up again. "Spit it out, princess, you know you want to." he speaks in a soft voice.

"Please..please" you beg for nothing in particular, getting all worked up again, "The begging's lovely, doll. But you're starting to anger me here, will you say it? Or should I leave you hanging again?"

You mutter prayers under your breath, hoping he wouldn't actually leave you hanging again, "Fine-" he moves again to remove his fingers from you to deprive you of pleasure all over again when you finally latch onto his wrist, keeping his hands in place blurting out, "Daddy! I'm so-sorry.. There, daddy, please make me come" you give in, the name, the feeling and look of pure victory on his face as he grins like a cheshire cat only intensifies the heat growing at a rapid pace at the pit of your stomach.

"Final fucking ly, princess. Daddy will make you feel good" He reinserts his fingers in, drilling it with desperation to see you come undone as he draws rapid circles on your now sensitive clit with the other hand, watching you squirm under him.

"Joh-Daddy i'm coming..!" you cry out weakly as you feel your orgasm hit you with much force, easily driving you into over sensitivity. Johnny's patient in helping you ride out your orgasm, not stopping until you let out a throaty sob and plead him to stop to allow yourself some room to breathe.

Johnny, however, makes no move to stop, only speeding up his fingers, his gaze fixed on where his fingers disappeared inside of you while his other hand held you down with a vise grip, "Give me one more, doll. I know you've got one more in you. " he pants, the feeling of his girth in confinement only throwing himself to sensory deprivation as he feels himself twitch inside his sweats painfully.

You shake your head, tears now flowing elegantly down your cheek, your lips puckered into a slight pout, your eyebrows drawn together as you let yourself melt into the pleasure Johnny was providing you with. "Daddy.."

You whine, feeling your second high reaching you ridiculously quick as you see Johnny's face contort in concentration,

"I need to get you nice and wet for me, princess, you're doing so well. Give daddy another one" you coaxes you with his sultry tone, words and actions, inevitably having you come undone under him for the second time that night.

You let out a choked moan, finally having enough as you curl upon yourself the minute Johnny removes his fingers from you, full fledged crying at the overbearing feeling of sensitivity.

Johnny groans at the sight, leaning down to press a soft peck on your sweaty forehead before getting off of the bed to remove his pants alongside his boxer at a slow speed, granting you some time to recover.

"Condom?" he asks, readying himself to reach into the drawing when he notices you shake your head a no as a reply, "I'm on pills.." you mutter weakly.

You hear him curse out at the thought of doing you raw, flexing his muscles before climbing on top of you again. He takes his time to gently turn you back onto your back, pressing his tender lips against your irritated one for the first time that night, his hand ever so slightly moving to play with your clit once again, making you jerk, "Daddy!"

"Sorry, doll. Daddy just needs to make sure that princess is ready to take his cock"

Your whining intensifies at his words, wiggling your hips to move closer to his own, "But I am ready! Look, daddy! I'm so wet and ready for you!" you whimper, earning a chuckle from the lad.

Just like all the other times that night, he aligns his cock at your entrance without a warning, the tip ever so slightly pushing through your walls, "Alright, big girl. Show daddy how much of a slut you can be for him."

Suddenly, Johnny detaches himself from you, moving further away as he leans by the edge of the door, smirking at you whining at the loss of contact, "Patience, angel"

He grabs hold of your hips, manhandling your body into all fours as he enters you completely with no trouble once he's got you where he wants you to be.

Something about having to take Johnny from behind was so sexy that you could almost immediately feel your orgasm grow, "Fuck baby, keep clenching around me like that and i won't last long," he grunts, moving in you with a steady pace,

"I never expected my son to befriend such filthy sluts like you, Y/n. Look at the mess you're making on my sheets" He grabs a fistful of your ass in a tight squeeze, the sudden shift in his demeanor only serving as a whiplash as you feel yourself growing closer and closer to the sweet orgasm.

"Jesus, doll, you're so fucking tight i can barely move" Johnny growls, talking to keep himself from coming too fast.

"Daddy.. I'm close. M-I'm so so close" you cry as your arms give out and you fall face first onto the mattress, the new stretch in your back only encouraging his cock to hit you deeper, finding the sweet cushion that serves as extra pleasure for you.

"Me too, princess, me too.. '' You hear him let out a whine, his thrusts growing sloppier as he does you slower but deeper.

He reaches around your body to find pursuit at your clit for the nth time that night, rubbing rapid, messy circles to go with his deep thrusts, "Daddy!" you reach your high with a high pitched cry of his name.

Johnny comes not too long after you as he couldn't resist the constant tight clenching of your walls around his cock. He thrust slowly to ride out his high as you twitch helplessly, face scrunched up in too much pleasure.

You feel your body being manoeuvred onto your side as he whispers sweet nothings which pass right through your ears as you feel him softened inside you, the feeling ridiculously soothing for your used up walls,

"You did amazing, darling." he kisses your temple, not making any move to remove himself from within you, which you silently thanked him for.

You both lay in silence as you turned your body towards him, earning a hiss and a playful smack from him as it added pressure onto his sensitive member. You wrap your arms around his torso, about to nuzzle into his chest and just drift away to dreamland when you hear the familiar ring of your phone from the table beside the bed.

You feel Johnny's body shift to reach out to get your phone, looking at the caller ID before handing it to you with a smirk that you knew meant that he was up to no good. "Oh! It's hyuck" you exclaim in shock, quickly accepting the call and placing it near your ear, moving to get away from him.

But Johnny seemed to have other ideas, as he latched an arm around your torso to keep you from moving, "Hey-" you begin, immediately feeling Johnny experimentally thrust into you again, making you whine, "Y/n! I miss you~-oh hey, are you okay?" you hear Donghyuck's voice from the other side,

You look at Johnny with a pleading and warning gaze to which you earn yourself a toothy grin from the lad,

"Of co-course! Just a little.. peachy,'' You turn around to place a hand on his chest to halt his movement, "You don't sound just peachy.. I've heard you like this before!" you hear Donghyuck make those noises he makes when he's thinking as Johnny keeps thrusting lazily the more you look at him, you see him open his mouth to speak, "Oh fuck! You're getting laid, aren't you???"

"Tell Hyuck daddy says hi"

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omenapologist-moved · 4 years

Text

It’s nice to be able to have language and words for things you experience.

I thought I was angry and I wanted to hurt people, that I wanted them dead, but that’s not exactly it. I just didn’t know a better way to let that out or express it beyond homicidal ideation. And it’s reassuring, honestly, to learn that isn’t as abnormal as I thought-- Lots of people have such fantasies of murder.

It isn’t that I want people dead. I want them gone, I want to not be around them, I want them to not be able to hurt anyone ever again. At most I wish they were never born, or were simply erased from existence. Would I mind if I heard news some people were dead? No. I think most people have at least one person they feel that way towards. The thought of taking the actual actions necessary, of no longer making it a fantasy, always made me sick and afraid of myself and for myself. But I thought that was just how it was, and rather than giving me new language, better language through which to express my feelings and thoughts et cetera, the people I was around just... Enabled it. While in some ways homicidal fantasies, particularly those of revenge, can be cathartic at the time, I have learned they just cause damage to you.

I do want some people to disappear from my life. To face justice, perhaps. But I am awfully fed up of people enabling those compulsions and intrusive thoughts I had and have, and I know now that if I encounter someone like that I should turn on my heel, because that is not a good friend, that is not loving, that is not family or belonging. It is corruptive and cruel and wrong and goes down dark roads, and I am sick of being left on a dark country road with only the overcast light of the moon to guide me away from danger.

And so I say this to you if you happen to read this: If you have people in your life that enable your compulsions, intrusive thoughts, and things you don’t like about yourself, that enable your toxicity, please question it. Question their intentions, and the true nature of the relationship. And introspect, and think about the root of these compulsions and intrusions and what they really represent and mean.

#\\\^◊^///#i have been doing a lot of thinking lately #and also unironically mag 32? helped me understand some things.

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helperhoopoe · 6 years

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What can someone do to cope with homicidal ideation? And I mean.. really cope. Not just distract, not just think positive, and not just stop being angry. How can one let out the tendencies without being dangerous?

one thing that’s essential to know is that you must never let out anger through aggression. stuff like using a punching bag, ripping paper or punching a pillow will increase your aggression because you will begin to link feelings of anger with aggressive behaviour. it’s the worst way to cope!

i see you’ve been through a lot. if your homicidal thoughts are linked to anger rather than anxiety, they’re probably a power fantasy rather than intrusive thoughts. due to your past feelings of powerlessness your brain is seeking a sense of control and power, and it jumps to violence against others as a way of getting that.

a big tip i’m seeing as i hop around supremely unhelpful google searches is to avoid media with themes of murder and violence. that probably means no more gorey special effects for you, unfortunately! keeping yourself occupied also seems very important; i saw one person with aspd recommend a rigid exercise routine if that’s possible for you (of course, exercise helps with innumerable mental illnesses as well!)

[this thread] of people with aspd talking about it could contain even more useful nuggets of information. give it a read if you have the spoons, i only had a quick glance through this page of it. (be mindful of the warning on the page too!)

all the official (and really unhelpful) sources i’m seeing say counselling is the most essential part of dealing with these thoughts, but i’m sure you have plenty of experience with that, haha.

this is coming from my own mind and i don’t know if any literature supports it as a coping method, but i’d recommend finding something to replace these fantasies with. your mind wants control - how can you get that? imagining yourself as a god shaping and taking care of a world of your own is my first thought, but something different might appeal to you more. i’d recommend writing (or perhaps drawing) fiction and playing video games, especially god games, where a world is under your control and you can do anything you want.

your current interest in special effects could also be changed a little to contribute to this kind of coping! consider changing yourself into fantastical things rather than gorey ones. having ultimate control over your body and appearance while not indulging the violent part of yourself could really help you.

if you didn’t know already, i think it’s important to keep in mind that these thoughts are really common. stealing from wikipedia, “50-91% of people surveyed on university grounds in various places in the United States admit to having had a homicidal fantasy. Homicidal ideation is common, accounting for 10-17% of patient presentations to psychiatric facilities in the United States.”

you’re no monster for what you’ve been through and how it’s shaped you. you’re doing just fine, and it’s awesome you’re looking for better and better ways to deal with this. i wish you the best of luck, friend!

#hoopoe answers #suggestion blog #homicidal ideation #violence mention //#anger issues #violent thoughts #serenapple

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psshaw · 7 years

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The Train/Murder Story

Uuuughhhh, fine I can’t stop thinking about it. FINE. Here it is, the absolute worst, dumbest, evilest Tucker story.

Here’s how someone like this eases you into his “criminal history”.

In addition to a bizarre (I’m now told nonsensical) cocktail of serious illnesses and psychiatric conditions and extremely disturbing abuse stories, he’s a petty criminal who’s never been caught doing anything. Here’s one from early on, testing my boundaries:

Admittedly, I tend to think lowly of shoplifters. But he’d removed any selfish elements, and I’m never ever going to stop someone from telling a cool story. Which will come in handy later.

It’s very “Jesus of Suburbia”. Stealing for charity, returning just for the thrill of it, never getting caught. Apparently in someone else’s RP, he once proposed that his self-insert would do good deeds that were somehow so good that someone would map them out and notice they made a pattern on the map. Gran. Di. OSITY. It’s interesting noticing how little I ask of him in our convos. If he ever truly liked anything about me, it was probably that I let him talk about himself for hours. Other people with, like, needs? Weren’t so lucky around him.

Plus he makes all these references to being super manipulative (but toward people who deserve it!!! For being bigoted or annoying or something!!!! You’re different and smart and pretty and you’re changing me for the better!!!!!!!!!!), and stuff like the lock-picking incident from the last post. Pretty classic delinquency. My life was nothing like that, but sure, some people just have issues.

But then he starts hinting at something darker. I think I texted something joking like “what, didja kill someone?” and he acted really ‘nervous’ and admitted it involved “taking a piece of someone” (paraphrasing, obvs). A physical piece? An emotional piece? My prevailing theory was someone’s prosthetic limb. Surely it wasn’t really murder, hahahaha. Ha ha. But eventually he told me... teeth.

The only proof of that I have of that is me teasing more later:

(He wrote posts about how great I was and would dramatically narrate the PAIN of writing them. I didn’t follow his blog at the time, so this was... very obviously a way to make sure I read them. I have shots of a few, but this post has enough digressions already.)

“Murder” has 162 CTRL+F matches in these logs, which actually seems low to me. Most of them come before this story. We talked about my serial killer characters, Tucker’s fantasies about being killed by them (I know, but I was used to people doing this already), and lots of horror movies and shows like Bates Motel and Dexter. We were so comfy with the subject that seconds before the story came up, we were talking about his hypothetical modus operandi.

VERY, VERY COMFY WITH THE SUBJECT.

And then of course, he has that classic Tucker Lightbulb Moment, like, “funny thing!-- This conversation reminds me of my dark, twisted past.”

Intrusive thoughts. Watch what he’s about to say he did because of intrusive thoughts. I don’t think he fully understands what that term means.

I don’t know if I’m more like a wide-eyed kid with a juice box, a mom telling him I’ll wuv him no matter what, or an overzealous drooly journalist. Back then, I had absolutely no fear. The internet was a beautiful place where I could read great or horrible things, enrich myself with other people’s articles and blog posts, and just... click away, and not have to engage with anyone on an emotional level. THIS... was like winning the Omegle lottery and chatting with Jeffrey Dahmer for a while. Even as I was reading this story come in line-by-line, my brain was screaming “holy crap fuck stay cool, this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, good thing I’m ready to ghost this messed-up dude when he runs out of stories.”

Which he has to do eventually, right? Nope. There was always a new one to string you along with.

So while we bonded over the fact that he trusted me with this confession he’d never made before (HUGE lie, check footnotes), this story actually backfired on him.

Because WHY WOULD YOU TELL SOMEONE YOU JUST WIG OUT AND HURT PEOPLE AT RANDOM? THAT YOU THOUGHT OF SOMEONE AS “PREY”? WORST CASE, IT’S TRUE. BEST CASE, IT’S WHAT YOU WRITE WHEN YOUR ONLY EXPERIENCE WITH MURDER IS... GOD, I EVEN THOUGHT PARTWAY THROUGH “THIS SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I READ ON DEVIANTART IN 2004”. But I decided this story was “not self-aggrandizing enough to be fake”. He adds this “pathetic” element to every story. It’s like a humblebrag, but for dark pasts one normally gives to their most goth Neopets.

Note that the guy getting his head bashed in is even more stereotypical than the guy from the bar fight, and the motive is just bare. He’s a prop, a cardboard standee Tucker flipped over. This story isn’t about a guy dying, it’s about Tucker, who conveniently wrestled with no horror or guilt at what he’d done, doesn’t feel haunted by taking a life or by being chased by the police or by the fact that he uncontrollably killed someone and could do it again, OR THAT I would tell someone with authority what he did. But no, the only emotion he apparently knows is “sweaty”.

It really felt like I was talking to a film character. A freshman film student-level one, at that. I had to convince myself these things were true, only because I couldn’t prove they weren’t, and I didn’t understand how he thought he was benefitting from these lies.

In retrospect, we think this version of the story was him trying to appeal on some level to my thing for evil characters. But he totally misunderstood that my focus is on charming, funny cartoon villains that like to break out in song, not “basically Johnny the Homicidal Maniac”.

So this story is scary as hell. People ask sometimes, “Why would you keep talking to a murderer?” Which is a fair question, but it implies that I would normally overlook a murder and become codependent on an obvious psychopath. Which, ew.

The thing was, he immediately went back to being a cutesy, relentlessly flirty guy worrying about nothing more serious than his day job and drawing furry commissions. Because... well, that’s what he really is. And the fact that I’d listened without saying “shut the hell up, freak” definitely endeared him to me further, so I got even MORE praise for being special and different and able to save his messy ass. And so the cycle of codependency continued, and we dug ourselves into a deeper hole.

He never really talked about being haunted by hurting another person, or worried that the police were onto him. He never wrestled with the fact that he could someday do this to someone he cared about. He didn’t even seem to feel guilty. He was about as nervous about this as I would be about stealing 20 dollars. The story was only made to give him faux pathos. That’s all.

I don’t think he’s hurt anyone without the help of a keyboard, honestly. Which, thank god.

To support that theory: there are OTHER versions of this story.

Memories are imperfect and tainted by emotion, but I saw enough crap like this that I believe the core of these testimonies are true. Individuals are designated by color.

These are from the convo where I realized my experience wasn’t unique:

And from talking to a friend, one he’d devalued while getting obsessed with me, but not the one mentioned in the "Fake Ask” post:

The theme of trains is apparently common.

“Anika Harlson” is a fake name from when he would be high school age. Not being able to use your legs-- CLASSIC teen fib.

Ending this on a silly note: He still tells people he’s a murderer. Last I heard, he was still not denying it when asked, from the safety of private chats to all of 4chan. He would rather tell the whole internet he’s a murderer than admit he lies sometimes. That’s, haha… that’s the complete opposite of what a murderer would do.

God, this is the most fantastic mess. It’s just really freaking interesting, too.

And I really want to thoroughly illustrate how this stuff happens, cos I wish someone had told me! If I do another post, I’d love to touch on how someone like this serially creates codependent relationships, and the idealization > devaluation process.

#tucker #RECEIPTS #twistedteeth #ghost oakes #murder most faux #did I write more jokes in this one than usual?#I guess taking it seriously doesn't help anybody #testimonials

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