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mostlysignssomeportents · 8 months

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Greenwashing set Canada on fire

On September 22, I'm (virtually) presenting at the DIG Festival in Modena, Italy. On September 27, I'll be at Chevalier's Books in Los Angeles with Brian Merchant for a joint launch for my new book The Internet Con and his new book, Blood in the Machine.

As a teenager growing up in Ontario, I always envied the kids who spent their summers tree planting; they'd come back from the bush in September, insect-chewed and leathery, with new muscle, incredible stories, thousands of dollars, and a glow imparted by the knowledge that they'd made a new forest with their own blistered hands.

I was too unathletic to follow them into the bush, but I spent my summers doing my bit, ringing doorbells for Greenpeace to get my neighbours fired up about the Canadian pulp-and-paper industry, which wasn't merely clear-cutting our old-growth forests – it was also poisoning the Great Lakes system with PCBs, threatening us all.

At the time, I thought of tree-planting as a small victory – sure, our homegrown, rapacious, extractive industry was able to pollute with impunity, but at least the government had reined them in on forests, forcing them to pay my pals to spend their summers replacing the forests they'd fed into their mills.

I was wrong. Last summer's Canadian wildfires blanketed the whole east coast and midwest in choking smoke as millions of trees burned and millions of tons of CO2 were sent into the atmosphere. Those wildfires weren't just an effect of the climate emergency: they were made far worse by all those trees planted by my pals in the eighties and nineties.

Writing in the New York Times, novelist Claire Cameron describes her own teen years working in the bush, planting row after row of black spruces, precisely spaced at six-foot intervals:

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/09/15/opinion/wildfires-treeplanting-timebomb.html

Cameron's summer job was funded by the logging industry, whose self-pegulated, self-assigned "penalty" for clearcutting diverse forests of spruce, pine and aspen was to pay teenagers to create a tree farm, at nine cents per sapling (minus camp costs).

Black spruces are made to burn, filled with flammable sap and equipped with resin-filled cones that rely on fire, only opening and dropping seeds when they're heated. They're so flammable that firefighters call them "gas on a stick."

Cameron and her friends planted under brutal conditions: working long hours in blowlamp heat and dripping wet bulb humidity, amidst clouds of stinging insects, fingers blistered and muscles aching. But when they hit rock bottom and were ready to quit, they'd encourage one another with a rallying cry: "Let's go make a forest!"

Planting neat rows of black spruces was great for the logging industry: the even spacing guaranteed that when the trees matured, they could be easily reaped, with ample space between each near-identical tree for massive shears to operate. But that same monocropped, evenly spaced "forest" was also optimized to burn.

It burned.

The climate emergency's frequent droughts turn black spruces into "something closer to a blowtorch." The "pines in lines" approach to reforesting was an act of sabotage, not remediation. Black spruces are thirsty, and they absorb the water that moss needs to thrive, producing "kindling in the place of fire retardant."

Cameron's column concludes with this heartbreaking line: "Now when I think of that summer, I don’t think that I was planting trees at all. I was planting thousands of blowtorches a day."

The logging industry committed a triple crime. First, they stole our old-growth forests. Next, they (literally) planted a time-bomb across Ontario's north. Finally, they stole the idealism of people who genuinely cared about the environment. They taught a generation that resistance is futile, that anything you do to make a better future is a scam, and you're a sucker for falling for it. They planted nihilism with every tree.

That scam never ended. Today, we're sold carbon offsets, a modern Papal indulgence. We are told that if we pay the finance sector, they can absolve us for our climate sins. Carbon offsets are a scam, a market for lemons. The "offset" you buy might be a generated by a fake charity like the Nature Conservancy, who use well-intentioned donations to buy up wildlife reserves that can't be logged, which are then converted into carbon credits by promising not to log them:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/12/fairy-use-tale/#greenwashing

The credit-card company that promises to plant trees every time you use your card? They combine false promises, deceptive advertising, and legal threats against critics to convince you that you're saving the planet by shopping:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/11/17/do-well-do-good-do-nothing/#greenwashing

The carbon offset world is full of scams. The carbon offset that made the thing you bought into a "net zero" product? It might be a forest that already burned:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/11/a-market-for-flaming-lemons/#money-for-nothing

The only reason we have carbon offsets is that market cultists have spent forty years convincing us that actual regulation is impossible. In the neoliberal learned helplessness mind-palace, there's no way to simply say, "You may not log old-growth forests." Rather, we have to say, "We will 'align your incentives' by making you replace those forests."

The Climate Ad Project's "Murder Offsets" video deftly punctures this bubble. In it, a detective points his finger at the man who committed the locked-room murder in the isolated mansion. The murderer cheerfully admits that he did it, but produces a "murder offset," which allowed him to pay someone else not to commit a murder, using market-based price-discovery mechanisms to put a dollar-figure on the true worth of a murder, which he duly paid, making his kill absolutely fine:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/14/for-sale-green-indulgences/#killer-analogy

What's the alternative to murder offsets/carbon credits? We could ask our expert regulators to decide which carbon intensive activities are necessary and which ones aren't, and ban the unnecessary ones. We could ask those regulators to devise remediation programs that actually work. After all, there are plenty of forests that have already been clearcut, plenty that have burned. It would be nice to know how we can plant new forests there that aren't "thousands of blowtorches."

If that sounds implausible to you, then you've gotten trapped in the neoliberal mind-palace.

The term "regulatory capture" was popularized by far-right Chicago School economists who were promoting "public choice theory." In their telling, regulatory capture is inevitable, because companies will spend whatever it takes to get the government to pass laws making what they do legal, and making competing with them into a crime:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/13/public-choice/#ajit-pai-still-terrible

This is true, as far as it goes. Capitalists hate capitalism, and if an "entrepreneur" can make it illegal to compete with him, he will. But while this is a reasonable starting-point, the place that Public Choice Theory weirdos get to next is bonkers. They say that since corporations will always seek to capture their regulators, we should abolish regulators.

They say that it's impossible for good regulations to exist, and therefore the only regulation that is even possible is to let businesses do whatever they want and wait for the invisible hand to sweep away the bad companies. Rather than creating hand-washing rules for restaurant kitchens, we should let restaurateurs decide whether it's economically rational to make us shit ourselves to death. The ones that choose poorly will get bad online reviews and people will "vote with their dollars" for the good restaurants.

And if the online review site decides to sell "reputation management" to restaurants that get bad reviews? Well, soon the public will learn that the review site can't be trusted and they'll take their business elsewhere. No regulation needed! Unleash the innovators! Set the job-creators free!

This is the Ur-nihilism from which all the other nihilism springs. It contends that the regulations we have – the ones that keep our buildings from falling down on our heads, that keep our groceries from poisoning us, that keep our cars from exploding on impact – are either illusory, or perhaps the forgotten art of a lost civilization. Making good regulations is like embalming Pharaohs, something the ancients practiced in mist-shrouded, unrecoverable antiquity – and that may not have happened at all.

Regulation is corruptible, but it need not be corrupt. Regulation, like science, is a process of neutrally adjudicated, adversarial peer-review. In a robust regulatory process, multiple parties respond to a fact-intensive question – "what alloys and other properties make a reinforced steel joist structurally sound?" – with a mix of robust evidence and self-serving bullshit and then proceed to sort the two by pantsing each other, pointing out one another's lies.

The regulator, an independent expert with no conflicts of interest, sorts through the claims and counterclaims and makes a rule, showing their workings and leaving the door open to revisiting the rule based on new evidence or challenges to the evidence presented.

But when an industry becomes concentrated, it becomes unregulatable. 100 small and medium-sized companies will squabble. They'll struggle to come up with a common lie. There will always be defectors in their midst. Their conduct will be legible to external experts, who will be able to spot the self-serving BS.

But let that industry dwindle to a handful of giant companies, let them shrink to a number that will fit around a boardroom table, and they will sit down at a table and agree on a cozy arrangement that fucks us all over to their benefit. They will become so inbred that the only people who understand how they work will be their own insiders, and so top regulators will be drawn from their own number and be hopelessly conflicted.

When the corporate sector takes over, regulatory capture is inevitable. But corporate takeover isn't inevitable. We can – and have, and will again – fight corporate power, with antitrust law, with unions, and with consumer rights groups. Knowing things is possible. It simply requires that we keep the entities that profit by our confusion poor and thus weak.

The thing is, corporations don't always lie about regulations. Take the fight over working encryption, which – once again – the UK government is trying to ban:

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2023/feb/24/signal-app-warns-it-will-quit-uk-if-law-weakens-end-to-end-encryption

Advocates for criminalising working encryption insist that the claims that this is impossible are the same kind of self-serving nonsense as claims that banning clearcutting of old-growth forests is impossible:

https://twitter.com/JimBethell/status/1699339739042599276

They say that when technologists say, "We can't make an encryption system that keeps bad guys out but lets good guys in," that they are being lazy and unimaginative. "I have faith in you geeks," they said. "Go nerd harder! You'll figure it out."

Google and Apple and Meta say that selectively breakable encryption is impossible. But they also claim that a bunch of eminently possible things are impossible. Apple claims that it's impossible to have a secure device where you get to decide which software you want to use and where publishers aren't deprive of 30 cents on every dollar you spend. Google says it's impossible to search the web without being comprehensively, nonconsensually spied upon from asshole to appetite. Meta insists that it's impossible to have digital social relationship without having your friendships surveilled and commodified.

While they're not lying about encryption, they are lying about these other things, and sorting out the lies from the truth is the job of regulators, but that job is nearly impossible thanks to the fact that everyone who runs a large online service tells the same lies – and the regulators themselves are alumni of the industry's upper eschelons.

Logging companies know a lot about forests. When we ask, "What is the best way to remediate our forests," the companies may well have useful things to say. But those useful things will be mixed with actively harmful lies. The carefully cultivated incompetence of our regulators means that they can't tell the difference.

Conspiratorialism is characterized as a problem of what people believe, but the true roots of conspiracy belief isn't what we believe, it's how we decide what to believe. It's not beliefs, it's epistemology.

Because most of us aren't qualified to sort good reforesting programs from bad ones. And even if we are, we're probably not also well-versed enough in cryptography to sort credible claims about encryption from wishful thinking. And even if we're capable of making that determination, we're not experts in food hygiene or structural engineering.

Daily life in the 21st century means resolving a thousand life-or-death technical questions every day. Our regulators – corrupted by literally out-of-control corporations – are no longer reliable sources of ground truth on these questions. The resulting epistemological chaos is a cancer that gnaws away at our resolve to do anything about it. It is a festering pool where nihilism outbreaks are incubated.

The liberal response to conspiratorialism is mockery. In her new book Doppelganger, Naomi Klein tells of how right-wing surveillance fearmongering about QR-code "vaccine passports" was dismissed with a glib, "Wait until they hear about cellphones!"

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/05/not-that-naomi/#if-the-naomi-be-klein-youre-doing-just-fine

But as Klein points out, it's not good that our cellphones invade our privacy in the way that right-wing conspiracists thought that vaccine passports might. The nihilism of liberalism – which insists that things can't be changed except through market "solutions" – leads us to despair.

By contrast, leftism – a muscular belief in democratic, publicly run planning and action – offers a tonic to nihilism. We don't have to let logging companies decide whether a forest can be cut, or what should be planted when it is. We can have nice things. The art of finding out what's true or prudent didn't die with the Reagan Revolution (or the discount Canadian version, the Mulroney Malaise). The truth is knowable. Doing stuff is possible. Things don't have to be on fire.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/16/murder-offsets/#pulped-and-papered

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dirty-c0yot3 · 5 months

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therian tips! (food)

so, I CRAVE raw meat a lot even though I can't eat it :( BUT I have compiled a list of foods that beings with human bodies can't eat (or just prefer not to), but that most animals eat that I could translate to human foods :D

worms = gummy worms :3 if you want them to be slimy like real worms, you could put water or a thin layer of oil on them

little insects = raisins or chia seed pudding (thank you to @puddin-dear 😌)

bigger insects = you could prob eat plain chips, I think it would have the same crunch affect. or chippers! (chocolate covered potato chips)

carrion (dead animal flesh) = jerky

raw meat = meat sticks (I believe you can get them in beef or turkey) or raw pepperoni (you can get it small bags). suggested by @avocados019, salami :3, and commented by @horse-wisteria 😅 prosciutto (which I honestly forgot was a thing 😭) and multiple beings have said salmon and I keep forgetting about salmon 😭

mice = marshmallow mice (credits to @ink-man-sam )

kibble = cereal (I think most of you know that though) or for something softer- gnocchi! (Suggested by

treats = Scooby snacks!

Snacks:

Go-gurt (if you freeze them, they're really good!)

nut bars, such as Nutri grain or Kind (good protein/energy + tasty)

Chex mix

assorted nuts/trail mix

smoothies!

(i may be updating this a lot so keep in mind)

Have fun!

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virgofleur · 2 days

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summer heat, so sweet

fem!reader x best friend!eddie munson

story summary: a lazy, hot summer day and a first kiss or two (maybe three).

tags: best friends to lovers, tooth aching fluff, sweet eddie munson, pet names, pining, flirting, first kiss. no smut but a tad suggestive, so 18+ only please.

w/c: 2.2k(ish)

~♡~

Eddie was only six-years-old when he fell in love with you.

It was the summer, and you had just moved into the trailer park, all starry-eyed with that childish wonder, face glowing with a toothless, over-stretched smile once you caught sight of him digging a hole in the ground. You waved at him, hand flapping about, but he quickly shied away, retreating into his uncle’s trailer for safety and to scrub away the dirt under his fingernails and the pinky blush staining his cheeks.

Needless to say, you were the prettiest girl he had ever seen.

Which was why he decided it was best if he never left his trailer again.

It was only after a week of self-detainment and too many Mountain Dews Wayne had thrown Eddie outside and locked the door. Not out of malice, of course. He loved his nephew. But all that pent up energy and sugar rushing through his veins had made Eddie wild. A firework exploding. He needed some peace and quiet, just for a little while.

“Holler if you need anything,” Wayne said, flicking his cigarette and patting Eddie on the back. “There’s water for ya on the porch.”

Eddie nodded, pouting. “Okay.”

“I’ll come get you for lunch. Be good.”

“Can you make PB&J’s?” Eddie asked.

Wayne smiled and ruffled his nephew’s hair. “Whatever you want.”

“I want two of ‘em with barbecue chips. And, and, some Dew—”

“No,” Wayne protested, but not unkindly. “No more Dew. Water only. Lord knows you’ve had enough to turn your blood into sugar. Now go play.”

Eddie swallowed. What did that mean? That he had sugar for blood? Was that even possible? Before he could ask, Wayne was closing the door, leaving Eddie alone to bask in the summer sun and wonder if his blood tasted as sweet as Mountain Dew. He hoped it did, cause that would be sick.

He’d set up shop behind the trailer, deciding he was going to build a castle out of whatever twigs and leaves he found lying around. Normally, he’d use his slingshot and shoot at some cans and bottles, but after he accidentally launched a rock into the window, shattering the glass, Wayne confiscated it. Which was lame, duh, but if Eddie was good enough, he’d get it back, and it didn’t take much for Wayne to cave.

Eddie began stabbing a few sticks into the ground, thankful it was soft enough from the day’s previous rain, when he heard a voice, small and sweet, slither up behind him. He startled and whipped around to see you standing there, clad in denim skimmer shorts, a t-shirt embroidered with a butterfly, and jelly shoes, your smile as bright as the sun.

“Hi!” you chirped.

Eddie blinked. Silent.

You took a step forward, trying to peer over his shoulder. Curious. “Whatcha doing?”

Eddie blinked again, assessing you like you were some tiny, unidentifiable insect. “B-building a castle.”

“Cool! Do you want help?”

"Okay."

And that’s how you and Eddie came to be. It had been fifteen years since that day, and here you were now. Stretched out beside him on his bed in your sundress, sucking on the remnants of your popsicle, book propped on your stomach, hair clinging to the sweat on your forehead, lips glossy and stained blue from your icy treat, a sight for sore eyes. Even to this day, the prettiest girl Eddie had ever seen. His best friend. His everything.

If only you knew how much he loved you. Then maybe things wouldn’t be so torturous.

“S’fucking hot,” he said, tossing his half-torn D&D notebook. Between the sweltering summer heat and the way your hip was searing against his, it was hard to focus on anything else. Hawkins had reached a record high, this heatwave showing no signs of letting up. The two of you had made plans to go down to Lovers Lake to cool off, but given how hot it was, the lake was more like a swamp, and the pool was closed.

Eddie’s trailer was the next best thing. The sun wasn’t as brutal as it was in yours, the porch ceiling acting as a barrier and preventing the sun’s rays from penetrating inside. Unfortunately, his air conditioner was on the fritz, and the fan you brought over only stirred the hot air around the room, but it was better than nothing.

You finished off your popsicle and tossed the stick onto Eddie’s nightstand along with your book. You turned to look at him, your cheek smushed against your shoulder, eyes soft, blue-stained lips poised with a question.

God, he could kiss you right now. It would be so easy. All he would have to do was lean over a few inches and press his lips to yours. He imagined them to be soft. Sticky sweet, like your popsicle. He imagined you’d like it gentle and the noises you would make as he split the seam of your lips open with his tongue. He’d hold you close, his arms a protective cage around you, fingers slipping beneath your dress and over the swell of your ass, giving it a playful squeeze before tracing the ridges of your spine, telling you how beautiful you are between kisses. You’d shiver against him. Tangle your fingers in his hair and tug in a silent plea for more. And, of course, Eddie would oblige. (Shit, he’d give you anything you wanted. He’d give you the fucking moon and the stars if he could). He’d bite your lip, suckle on it like the sweetest, candied berry before leaving a trail of love along your jaw and to your pulse point, where he would tattoo you with a wine colored bruise. Maybe two wine colored bruises if you let him, and in his fantasy, you did.

In his fantasy, you were his.

“You ever feel like you’re not a real person?”

“What?” Eddie said, blinking out of his daydream. He was suddenly very, very hot. Even more so than before.

“Do you ever feel like you’re not a real person?” you repeated with a bit more vigor. You wiggled your fingers and made a fist before flexing your hand. “Cause sometimes it feels like I’m a ghost. Like I exist, but in an alternate dimension or something.”

Eddie laughed softly and without judgment. “I think the heats getting to your head, sweetheart.”

You pouted, pushing his shoulder. “I’m serious, Ed’s! S’really weird. Sometimes I wonder if any of this is even real. If you’re real. If I’m even real.”

Eddie grew thoughtful. Reflective. Your words planted themselves like seeds in a garden, sprouting and blooming. He understood what you meant. Understood you completely. That feeling of being detached from yourself—mind, body, and soul—as if you’re living in a dream. Eddie was no expert. He wanted to comfort you, but the words just seemed to escape him, falling into a dark abyss.

He needed to get you out of your head, the place you resided the most, and though he never had the perfect remedy for these situations, he knew of at least one way to make you feel better, even if it was only temporary.

“Hm, there’s one way to test if you’re real or not.”

“How?” you asked, eyes wide and hopeful as your fingers came to latch onto the collar of his shirt. You were so close to him, and it was even more suffocating than the heat.

He smiled something wicked. Your eyes went wide, but not in the way they had before. In the way that knew Eddie was about to do something evil.

And like a hawk hunting its prey, Eddie swooped in.

“Eddie!” you squealed, giggling as he blew raspberries against your cheek. Your clammy hands cradled his face and you half-heartedly tried to pry him off. You squirmed, limbs tangling, your laughter vibrating through his body as his hands grew brave and his fingers began to skate and tickle across your stomach. It was childish, Eddie knew that, but what a wonderful thing it was to make you laugh. That was his favorite sound. Golden and sunny. Melting his heart into a puddle of goo.

He stopped, resting his forehead against yours, eyes flickering across your face. “I don’t know. I think you’re pretty real to me.”

You rolled your eyes, still giggling despite your feigned exasperation. “Dork.”

Eddie smiled. His lips were salty, but you looked sweeter than ever. “What about me? Am I real?”

There was a breath of silence as your hand came to his face, brushing back his dampened bangs to examine him. “God,” you said, a soft gasp escaping you. “Your forehead is massive.”

Eddie laughed and grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together. “You’re such a dick.”

“I’m just teasing, Ed’s,” you said softly, almost apologetically. Which shocked him because normally you’d have something witty to say. You’d never back down from a good jest. Instead, you were staring up at him, pensive, almost conflicting. Your hands came back to cradle his face, thumb gently pressing into the soft muscle of his cheek. It made his chest ache.

“Sweetheart—”

The rest of his words were lost when you kissed him.

Eddie’s heart stopped.

You kissed him.

Close-lipped, a chaste peck and hot all the same, made worse by the lovely little noise you made when your hips bumped into his. His arms were shaking as he tried to hold himself up, resolute in being a gentleman as his head began spinning, letting you take the lead. Because holy shit, you were kissing him. You were kissing him and his brain was short-circuiting and his heart was rabbiting in his chest and he couldn’t taste you the way he wanted to, but there was an undercurrent of sugar and salt that clung to his lips and he was already addicted and royally fucked.

He hummed, and that was what shook you back to reality, separating with a dry click and a rueful look pinching your face.

You flushed bright red, panting. You began to trip over your words. "I, I'm, I'm sorry. I don't know why—"

"Shhhh," Eddie soothed, nudging your nose with his. "It's okay. It's okay..."

Your mouth was a flower and he was the bee. He stung you sweetly and his lips moved like honey, slow, savoring you. You didn't protest, your body seeking him out and pulling him closer until his full weight was pressing you into the bed. He was gentle with you, a tenderness only reserved for you, and you shivered just like he imagined when his tongue split you open like a fig, lapping at your sweetness and resting his hand against your chest, feeling the frantic beat of your heart beneath his palm. Memorizing it. You let out a heady sigh and he became dizzy with it.

There was too much heat trapped between your bodies, sweat pooling between your chests, but you only pulled him closer, fingers scratching his scalp, mouths and tongues speaking a language only the two of you could understand. He sucked your bottom lip between his teeth and nipped. You moaned in tandem and you returned the sentiment and Eddie couldn't help but smile against your lips, breaking the kiss.

"How 'bout now? Is this real enough for you?" he whispered, brushing his lips against yours.

You swallowed, eyes wild. "Yeah. Oh my god, yeah."

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time," Eddie admitted, head still soaring above the clouds.

"Yeah?" you asked, breathless.

"Yeah, sweetheart. Fucking crazy about you. Always have been."

Your lips curled into a big smile. The same one he fell in love with fifteen years ago. "I'm crazy about you too, Eddie."

Eddie laughed under his breath. He couldn't believe this was happening. "We're gonna need to talk about this, huh?"

“Only if you promise to kiss me again.”

Eddie’s hand smoothed up the column of your throat, his fingers resting against your pulse point as his thumb made gentle strokes that had you shivering, skin hot. “Bribing me now, are we?”

“If I were bribing you, I’d at least offer to show you my tits.”

The cool guy attitude Eddie was putting quickly dissolved and he was choking on his words like he was a fumbling virgin all over again. “Christ. You can’t just say shit like that to me, baby. Are you trying to kill me?”

You giggled. Oh, you were evil. “Don’t be coy, Edward. I know you think about what they look like. I see you staring and—”

Before you could say anything more to embarrass him, he swooped down and captured your lips in his. A sealing of your fate. It was easy as breathing, kissing you, and he would be stupid if he was gonna pass up the opportunity to steal your lips and make them his. To love them the way he loved you.

When he woefully pulled away, your eyes fluttered open, cheeks singed and loveburnt. The blue popsicle stain had been kissed away and your chest heaved and bumped into his as you took in a deep breath. Safe to say, you were a goner.

“You were saying?” Eddie said with a teasing lilt, lips tingling with the taste of you.

You swallowed roughly, hands tucking themselves behind his neck. “Kiss me like that again and we’ll never leave this room.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, baby.”

Heat pooled in Eddie’s stomach when you brought your mouth to his ear, voice dulcet and sinful as you whispered: “Don't worry, I’ll make it worth your while, pretty boy.”

thanks for reading xx

#eddie munson #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson oneshot #best friend eddie munson

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todaysbird · 1 year

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the jabiru is a large stork found from mexico to argentina; they are also semi frequently found as vagrants in the united states. their name comes from a tupi–guaraní language and means "swollen neck". the jabiru is the second-largest bird in south america, and the largest flying bird (they fall behind the flightless rhea in size). their wingspan is also the second largest on the continent, just behind the andean condor. while colorations and markings are the same between males and females, the species is easy to differentiate by sex; males are notably larger, up to 25% larger than females. this species feeds primarily on fish, frogs, insects, and other aquatic prey; however, they are opportunistic feeders, and will feed on carrion and even have been documented eating house mice. they can be helpful in the bodies of water they live in, as they will eat recently deceased fish, preventing them from contaminating the water. they feed mainly by tactile sensing, not by visually locating their prey; they will snap up prey from the water as soon as their bill brushes against it. the jabiru is believed to mate for life. jabiru build massive stick nests, which are reused for future clutches; however, it usually is several years after a successful breeding before jabiru will have another clutch of eggs. this is due to their young fledging at approximately 110 days, then sticking with their parents for around another three months. jabiru have been known to live until their mid-thirties.

#jabiru #stork #bird #birblr #thank you so much for the kofi request! these guys are really cool

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donutz · 3 months

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Catnap & Dogday being silly with reader

Request from Wattpad—! Here you go Zeki aph☆

—☆You are a smiling critter in this, if u want to know which one(but don't know what animal or insect to pick) you could start out as a sheep!

It’s early in the morning, and the kids have woken up(some of them, those are the early birds).

You and PickyPiggy help out with the breakfast, surprisingly you two never get tired of it.

PickyPiggy is very familiar with food so of course she won't get bored, but you? It can be confusing on why you never get tired.. Of cooking and baking for the kids.

Both of you cook everyday, at least for breakfast. Cooking over 500 pancakes, bacon(sometimes), and eggs isn't thattt bad!!

That's what PickyPiggy and you say.

So while you were cooking pancakes, you were by yourself. PickyPiggy already took care of the bacon. Seems.. Weird. Because y'know, bacon is pork. But she doesn't know that so let's keep it a secret.

You had 400 already done, just 100 left. Then you and Picky have to work together to set the table and place down the plates of food.

You finished pouring out the batter for a few pancakes then sat down somewhere on the couch.

You're cooking for all the kids, but the little ones come first. The little ones are 1-6, the youth is 7-10, then the older ones are 11-17. Why do the little ones wake up earlier? You're not sure.

Since there isn’t anything to watch except Smiling Critter videos. You decide to watch that. While it was playing, you kind of— zoned out..

‘Why don’t I have hands instead of hooves’?

Then Dogday and Catnap came out of nowhere.

“Sheepy”!

“...”

Dogday jumped on you while Catnap crawled on the couch and sat next to you.

“What’cha doin?!” Dogday asked, he was always so interested in what you do in your everyday life. It’s just a routine, sometimes it doesn’t always stick to that but it’s okay.

“Waiting for the pancakes to cook—” While you were speaking, apparently PickyPiggy woke up and wanted to check on the cooking.

“Oh that’s great! Your pancakes are amazing! As always!” Dogday always compliments you on your cooking.

“What’s the ingredients for em? Again..?” And for some reason he couldn’t remember the ingredients every single time you told him. But you don’t mind.

(This is a real recipe by the way you can actually make this, it’s how I make pancakes!) While making eye contact with Picky, you were stating the ingredients.

“So I first use 1 cup of pancake flour”(You can use any, I think, I’m not sure since I’ve been using the same one every time I make pancakes)

“Then a ⅔ cup of water(If the flour looks like it needs more water you can do a full cup!)” You were hand motioning to Picky to flip over the pancakes since they should be done by now. She did it so you don’t have to worry too much, now.

She’s taking care of the pancakes now that you’re explaining the ingredients to a very interested puppy, and a very much listening kitty.

“Then three slices of butter, after getting the pieces I put it in the microwave, for 30 seconds or 1 minute, depending on how big the slices were”

“And to add some yummy flavor to it I use cinnamon, as much as you want really, also if you want to make it really sweet, you can use milk”!

“After putting the ingredients together, you mix 'em up! And now you pour the batter on the griddle, as much as you want”.

“Also if it’s too dry you could add more liquids(any of them, the melted butter, the water, the milk) or if it’s too liquidy you could add more flour”.

“... Wow! Sheepy you’re so cool when it comes to cooking and stuff!” The puppy was wagging his tail at how amazing you were with your knowledge about making food.

Then he gave you a big hug, he was on your left side so you put your left arm around his back.

“Thanks—”

Then Catnap rubbed his head against yours while purring.

Even if Picky is still in the area, she’s too sleepy to process Catnap’s affection.

You didn’t want to sleep here on the couch so you suggested to the polar opposites that, “We should move to our critter bedroom or something”.

While you three were walking to the critter room, remember how I said that some kids were early birds? Yeah, and someee of those kids were out of their bedrooms. So you and Catnap had to deal with having them go back into their rooms, since Dogday isn’t too good at that stuff.

He sometimes gets.. Manipulated by the kids.. They reason with him and tell him that it’s okay to stay out of the rooms. Then he goes, “Okay!” It’s not annoying, but it is annoying that the kids were taking advantage of Dogday��s kindness.

After that frenzy, you guys were actually heading back to the critters’ room.

Luckily, the workers thankfully had sympathy for the critters so you all actually have a place to rest. Even if you don’t need to sleep.

All the critters, except Picky, were playing around in the room. Then your trio came in and walked in on a party. Like a teenage birthday party, it was actually crazy. And somehow Craftycorn was drawing during all of this??

Catnap, Dogday and you were going towards your bed, just sitting on it, watching the madness. There was so much laughing, the room could be mistaken for a bunch of 3 year olds.

Then, KickinChicken threw a pillow and it hit Catnap’s face..

The room went silent, though, Craftycorn was still drawing.

“Oh! Sorry Catnap! I’ll try not to hit you again”!

He slowly turned his head towards the chicken, looking scary as ever.

But then you scratched the underside of his chin with your wrist(since you’re a sheep and have wool) or if your critter actually has hands then you scratched under his chin with your hand.

“Sorry about him, continue.” And then the playing started again.

And yes, Catnap started purring.

#poppy playtime #dogday #dogday x reader #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #gn reader #poppy platime fanfic #poppy playtime x reader #poppy playtime 3 #catnap #catnap x reader #smiling critters #kickinchicken #pickypiggy #craftycorn

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headspace-hotel · 2 years

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A lot of people don't know about why lawns are so disliked outside of how they are a waste of water, so here:

carbon emissions put out by lawn mowers (and other devices like leaf blowers). Lawn mowers produce significantly more greenhouse gases per hour of use than cars, and majorly contribute to smog.

Fertilizers get into bodies of water and cause algae blooms, converting all the diverse water plants to homogenous green slime.

Pesticides kill fireflies, bees, and all sorts of other beneficial insects, and many can kill or harm fish, birds and even humans.

Herbicides can have negative effects on the wrong targets too, but they are also causing common agricultural weeds to evolve resistance faster, increasing our dependence on pesticides.

Watering lawns does waste a lot of fresh water.

Lawns replace areas that once could have contained 100+ plant species with monocultures of frequently invasive species. Butterflies can't find host plants this way. Bees can't find food. Thousands of insect species rely on specific plants for food, and no other plant will do. A huge amount of the land is taken up by these wastelands.

Lawns also create dead, compacted, lifeless soil that is hard to grow other things in or near. The root systems of turf grasses are not robust enough to allow water to penetrate in. No matter how much nitrogen and phosphorous you dump on a lawn, it will still be lacking in the organic matter needed to create lush, absorbent dirt.

Dirt is supposed to be full of fungal mycelium. Scientists have discovered recently that the vast majority of all plant species are dependent on a network of symbiotic fungi attached to their roots for 80% of their phosphorous needs and 90% of their nitrogen needs.

Yes, this means that when you put a fungicide on your lawn, you've just nerfed that plant's ability to absorb nutrients by up to 90%. And you've also devastated its ability to absorb water, because plants are partly dependent on their fungi to get water out of dirt.

But fungicide isn't the only problem. Every plant in a natural environment is attached to multiple species of fungus, and most fungi are attached to multiple species of plant (though some are specialists). Trees literally use this system to send nutrients to other trees. We discovered recently that trees in deserts in California can survive extreme drought because they're attached to fungi that can break down rocks and extract water from the rocks.

If you don't have a good variety of plant species and rotting leaves and sticks and stuff, it doesn't matter how much fertilizer you put on it, your soil isn't "healthy" because it's not alive.

Vegetation that has been cropped extremely short doesn't hold in water, so a heavily maintained lawn is likely unnaturally dry for your climate, and a flower or bush in the middle of a lawn without tall grasses, shrubs and weeds nearby is getting pounded by the sun much harder than it's meant to handle.

Yeah, gardening isn't hard, most native plants are falling all over themselves to grow, it's just that the standard suburban backyard is ridiculously hostile to life.

Of course at this point you may be wondering

"What do I do instead?"

Well, here you go:

Stop weeding, spraying and fertilizing. Seriously. Stop it!! Stop it!! Chemical intervention in your lawn traps you in a vicious cycle of creating problems that need to be solved with more chemicals.

"Weeds" are a perfect example. Plants commonly considered "weeds" are adapted to take over areas that have been cleared out of other plants. Many "weeds" are actively harmed by the fungi that other plants depend on, meaning they can ONLY thrive in disturbed or devastated areas. The harder you work to eliminate biodiversity in your yard, the harder nature is going to bomb your yard with weeds.

By the way, google the "soil seed bank." Seeds can stay dormant in soil for years or even decades. If you want a "weed-free" lawn, get ready to apply herbicides for the rest of your life.

Mow less often. You really can't go wrong with this one.

Don't try to grow grass where grass doesn't want to grow. Lots of shade? Try moss. Extremely dry? Try drought-adapted plants. See what wants to grow there and let it do its thing.

It's fine to have a lawn area that you actually use. But if no one walks or plays on a stretch of your lawn, it should be something else. A wildflower patch, a stand of prairie grasses, some large shrubs, a grove of trees.

By the way, the idea that shrubs or flower beds are higher maintenance than lawns is wrong. The neat thing about native species is that once they've gotten settled, you literally just do nothing.

People think flower beds are high maintenance because people almost always underpopulate them. They think that there should be big spaces of mulch in between each plant. In a full sun flower bed that's actually filled to capacity, you shouldn't be able to see the ground. If your plants aren't babies anymore and there's still space, more plants.

if you live in an area that was once forest, PLEASE, plant some trees, and not just one tree. Trees are somewhat like guinea pigs, actually, they don't want to be alone. They send each other nutrients through their roots and screen each other from wind damage.

By the way, the "mature spread" of a tree as told on websites means when you plant it by itself. Trees can generally be planted 6-10 feet apart and be perfectly happy, they'll just grow taller and straighter instead of spreading out. (Look at pictures of forests.) HOWEVER large trees like large oaks should really be 25+ feet from structures and septic tanks

(Trees pop up by themselves in lawns. Constantly. Search for them in a woodland biome and you will likely find baby oaks and maples and other cool guys.)

Trees introduce competition for light into the areas you plant them, helping eliminate the "weeds." You know how fast your lawn grows up and gets weedy when you don't mow it? Yeah, that's partly because it's getting a CRAP TON of sunlight dumped on it with reckless abandon.

A shade garden gets "weedy" WAY slower, and unlocks all sorts of gorgeous flowers that don't thrive in a full sun garden. Fallen leaves serve both as compost and mulch. If you live in the right area for it and have room, you cannot go wrong with trees.

#lawns #anti lawn #biodiversity #native plant gardening #reposts encouraged #gardening #plants

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ihatelifesm · 3 days

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Animal Party!

The harbingers finding out you had a pet

(Some of the animals are tigers lions bears sharks etc etc, characters might be a bit OOC cuz this is kinda a crackfic but if yall want more srs ones lmk)

Tartaglia

For him Lets say you had a pet bear it would go kinda like this, since you and him live in a big house you wanted a big backyard, he never knew why but he Never said no, his siblings could run around there so when he came home from work you were not anywhere to be found.. until he heard you call someone a “goodboy” from the backyard, his bow was already drawn as he would have a stern expression on his face until he saw you with a bear. “[NAME]…” “So i forgot to tell you…” “WHY DIDN’T YOU THEM ME SOONER?! HE’S SO CUTE!” overall tatamis loves the bear

Scaramouche

For Scaramouche you had a cat a fluffy white one, this time you went over to visit him with your cat just hanging out in her purse “Took you long enough-… What the fuck is that..” “Its [CATS NAME]…” I deeply feel like scaramouche would be jealous if the cat took to much of your attention but would warm up to the cat, not enough to not show at least a HINT of jealousy

Arlecchino

So You had a spider for this (if you dont like spiders then imagine something else) and again you went to visit her, Arlecchino actually does like spiders (or just insects in general based on voice lines) so wheb she sees one crawling on you she was surprised that you had one just hanging around, She doesn’t mind it and also gets close to the spider, Leney (idk if i spelt his name right) almost killed it becuase he thought it was creepy😞

Signora

You have a silly little snake!!! This can go either way you visit her, she visits you..OR she sees it slithering around and she calls you over “[NAME]! WHAT THE FUCK—“ “Signora! You found [SNAKE NAME]! Thank you!!” Signora would be surprised and confused..how can you live with that…THING?! Why is it built like that… Signora is ALRIGHT with your pet she isn’t to fond with it but would take care of it for you

Pantalone

You have a cat! Not the small one a BIG one so.. a lion for him you TOLD him you had a cat..just not what KIND of cat “Pantalone do you want to see my pet?” “Of course [NAME] it cant go that bad..” It went that bad, when he came to visit you and saw a whole ass LION he froze when did you get the beast?! “Ha..[NAME] you said you had a cat..” “I know! This is [LIONS NAME]!” “Why didnt you say that you had a lion?” “It was less fun..” hes alright its pretty tame, (might get a little jealous from all the attention the lions getting…)

Dottore

Simple way to put it, you have a shark said and done same with Pantalone you TOLD him just not that detailed in your words “Dottore you like fish right? You wana meet mine?” “Sure, I suppose it wouldn’t be that much of a hassle..” Well when he cane over he wondered why your house had a pool in the backyard, until he saw the fin sticking out of the water “See Dottore? This is [SHARK NAME]! “You said you had a fish” He doesn’t really care for it because he doesn’t go swimming often or study the oceans yet but he isn’t going to tell you to give it away

Columbina

You had a swan, a elegant animal it was plain and simple so there isn’t that much convincing that the animal WONT hurt them, You and Columbina have hang outs (aka dates..) by the pond, She only REALLY opens her eyes around you (she wears the mask so she wouldn’t fall in love with someone else again but your a exception) and saw that you had a swan with you she was like a kid in a candy shop in her eyes it was a perfect animal for someone as perfect as you! She loves your swan and has a good relationship with it

Sandrone

You had a hamster (a FAT one) it was just in your hands eating sunflower seeds (ofc it is..) as you were going to find your beloved Sandrone “[NAME] whats the dust in your hand for?” “Its my Hamster!” “What..” Sandrone is sarcastic so she does make jokes how its a fucking FATASS but she secretly thinks its cute and would do anything for that little fur-ball

Capitano

You have a fox! I feel like when he found out you didn’t know he was off today, so you were outside playing with your little fox friend while he looked at you, even if his face was covered he had a small soft smile who ever knew that his s/o could be so cute..but he doesn’t know much about taking care of animals so he loves hearing you talk about it and slowly warms up to your fox!^^

Peirro

Last but not least! You owned a monkey (it or a spider monkey) but you and your monkey go EVERYWHERE together so its not hard for him to figure it out, since you two starting dating he was introduced to your monkey, he doesn’t mind that silly little fella he just wants to spend time with you and sometimes when your off doing errands or something else, your monkey just hangs out with Peirro, one time, Peirro had the monkey on his shoulders while in a fatui meeting (I feel like any of them would take your pet to a metting when there good with them, besides the shark… sadly)

(We are finished! I really hoped you enjoyed this!!^^ Tags: @jadestone2 )

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