#what if i said jake x michael

[phoenix--flying]

Apollo, Hephaestus and Hermes kids being a trio

Lee Fletcher, Charles Beckendorf and Luke Castellan

Michael Yew, Jake Mason and Travis Stoll

Will Solace, Nyssa Barrera and Connor Stoll

alternatively; Will Solace, Leo Valdez and Cecil Markowitz Lee Fletcher, Charles Beckendorf and Chris Rodriguez(even tho he got claimed after lee got offed)

i have many different friendgroup ideas

#lee fletcher #charles beckendorf #luke castellan #still dont like him #michael yew #jake mason #travis stoll #connor stoll #stoll brothers #will solace #nyssa barrera #leo valdez #cecil markowitz #what if i said jake x michael #because heartbreak #jake loosing his bf and his brother in like two days #lmao #percy jackson and the last olympian #percy jackson and the battle of the labyrinth #percy jackson and the titans curse #percy jackson and the sea of monster #percy jackson and the lightning thief #pjo #riordanverse #also apollo ares and aphrodite are friends #lee clarisse and silena #will drew and sherman #or clarisse #whatever you like #chris rodriguez

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 9 (Part 2 of 2)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary:

Life was good. No, life was great. 

Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. 

Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; fainting; regurgitating profusely; nausea; extreme feelings of stress and anxiety; extreme feelings of sadness; abandonment issues; allusions to a dark, forgotten childhood; therapy; mentions of EMDR therapy; prenatal visits; arguing/raising of voices; heart issues addressed (POTs); use of heart monitors; hemoglobin kits mentioned; emergency room visit and all that might entail (e.r. visit is a longer one, so strap in); revisited, vivid memories of sex; jealousy; body changes as a result of pregnancy; negative self-talk; looooots of baby talk; pregnancy hormones (and this is nothing compared to what's to come - that's all i'll say); reader still being sad while she checks Jake out; oh! and Joshua Michael Kiszka being the perfect angel he is <3 (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter Word Count: 32.6k+ (what the actual-?)

a/n: hi my lovely readers <333 i am deeply apologetic for the time you waited to receive this chapter, but i hope the length (holy fucking shit, btw) will make up for it. i really will try my damndest to not take almost a month next time.....

BUT, as you guys have learned, my chapters are very rarely "short" in length, so you can rest assured i'm quite literally busting ass trying to write the chapters in the near-month span of time between updates. lol <3 (while also doing real-time life w a job and family to tend to every single day)

this story is my baby that has been outlined for months in a google doc and i refuse to release chapters until they're completed with everything i deem necessary to include. i promise it's all for the good of the story and for the ultimate enjoyment of the readers (you!). <3 i'm never purposefully leaving you hangin', babes <3 ily all more than i'll ever be able to properly express. 🫶🏻

special shout out to my sis for being my go-to beta, ear, advice-giver, helper, AND EVERYTHING IN-BETWEEN when it comes to all of the silly little stories i write. @joshym. you are my favorite. you know that. and i love you. so fucking much. forever the daniel to my samuel :)

and another shoutout to my wonderful pal @welightthefire - GOD, i love you. y'all, this lady has been my main source for all things baby related and i'd be hurting without her help on alllll things baby and pregnancy. <3 babe, you are the bomb and you better KNOW IT.

Please enjoy the playlist as you read 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

-🌼🌼🌼-

“The covetous person is full of fear; and he or she will who lives in fear will ever be a slave.”

-Horace

-🌼🌼🌼-

Your stomach dipped all the way to the heels of your feet, your body feeling a rush of equal parts cold and hot. 

There were no words spoken for several moments, and almost as soon as you’d said it, Josh had turned to face the front. Jaw clenched tighter than you’d ever seen it, he put the car in drive as his hands wrapped tightly around the wheel – 10 and 2. His back was ramrod straight and his jaw didn’t stop flexing as you swiveled to sit to look out the windshield alongside him.

Your stomach was churning— for multiple reasons. On top of the anxiety in the moment, you also hadn’t been eating much as of late. Your appetite was almost nothing — save for pickles and Cosmic-fucking-Brownies. 

It had blossomed seemingly out of nowhere. 

After your night of Mac and Cheese with Jake, you had started borderline craving it afterwards—alongside the brownies and pickles. But, when you’d made some for yourself, you came to realize, with the first bite to your mouth. . . That Mac and Cheese was no longer your friend. 

Although, it had made very close friends with the toilet, as you’d bent over it hurling until every last bit of the yellow food deposited in front of your sweaty face.  

Surprisingly, you’d still been hungry after puking. . . but unfortunately, everything else you’d tried to eat either ended up in the toilet or in the trash from the smell alone. 

And, to your utter demise, Cosmic Brownies had been ruined that day, too. Their contents eventually met the toilet when you’d tried to snack on one that same evening to fill your empty stomach.

Suffice to say, the nausea had started to kick your ass and this particularly tense situation was doing you no favors.

All you could do was steal glances at him, awkwardly, for the thirty or so minutes it took to get to the women’s clinic. He wasn’t talking at all which was so unlike Josh. You’d never gone this long being in the same space as him where he wasn’t talking. The man loved to talk. And you loved to listen and engage.

But that was not the energy that was transpiring between you two.

You would have normally put on music to fill the hollow, painfully silent space. But, you couldn’t bring yourself to move, much less put on music that would just add to the discomfort that you’d created with your confession. And, honestly, it felt like you were already making too much noise every time you took a deep breath. 

Besides stealing the occasional peek at him, you watched the multiple semis that passed you, and the forests that lined the highway, full of leaves with changing colors. 

And Josh just drove. Just fucking drove. And, even worse, he drove normally. Better than normal, actually. Unlike ever before, he was following the highway’s speed limit, all while not getting emotional anytime someone pulled an asshole move on the road. 

He seemed to be putting every bit of his energy into three things: focusing on the road, keeping his jaw clenched tight, and not moving his hands from 10 and 2 unless he had to look over his shoulder to switch lanes.

Once you pulled up to parallel park on a busier street in SoHo, you’d made up your mind to tell Josh to just drive back and that you could hitch a ride with an Uber. 

You didn’t want to make him feel any more uncomfortable than he apparently already felt. 

For one, he didn’t need to be here if he didn’t want to be. And secondly, you couldn’t fucking handle any more right now. The whole point of him being with you was because you were already fucking stressed before you’d ever even told him. And at this point, it seemed you’d been correct in your assumption of him being angry. 

But right now, his reaction didn’t fucking matter. This appointment mattered. Your baby mattered. You needed to be in some sort of decent mind space before you stepped foot into the place. And whether or not that included him was relative to his response when you informed him of this.

You breathed in and out heavily, shutting your eyes as you did so. Once you opened them, you pressed the unlock button on your door, signaling to him that you were ready to get the show on the road. You didn’t have time to fucking sit here and let him sulk. 

Releasing a deep breath once more, you finally turned to look at him once you’d unbuckled. Then, once facing him, you mustered the firmest tone possible at that moment. “Josh,” you started, sharply. He blinked slowly and flexed the muscle in his jaw once more before he turned to make eye contact with you. 

Fuck. His eyes. . . Was he angry? Sad? Indifferent? You couldn’t fucking tell. You’d never seen him so guarded. God, you shouldn’t have invited him to this. You really had started to hope that he would react more like Elsie and Gia thought he would. 

But he hadn’t, and you were faced with whatever the fuck this attitude was that he had chosen to wear. 

Once it was obvious he was going to look at you as you spoke, you continued. “You don’t have to go in there with me,” you began, firm yet empathetic. “I won’t make you. I will go in on my own. I have to. For my own reasons, I have to keep this appointment today. But you don’t have to come in if you would rather not,” you stated, steady and sure. He was free to fucking leave if he wanted. “You can fucking leave. I will not make you go in if you’re angry or upset or uncomfortable. I’ll get a damn Uber and you can drive back to the complex to get your car.”

He seemed to come back to the present, blinking several times and shaking his head. He rubbed one hand down his face, just as Jake did when he would get stressed. 

The similar reaction made your tummy feel fuzzy and desperate for the security you needed at the moment. You needed someone right now. Even if you were willing to do this on your own (which you were), you could really use his support at the moment. 

You unlocked the doors once more, making sure they were ready to go before you reached for the handle. 

Resolutely, you looked over your shoulder before you addressed him once more. “I’m sorry that I made you angr—.”

“I’m not angry,” he finally said softly. After clearing his throat to talk properly again after not talking for so long, he continued. “I’m shocked and— I’m just feeling a lot of things,” he iterated, his eyes begging you to understand. And, you did. “But I am honored that you wanted me to come with you today,” he said, his face transforming to once again show you your Josh. He was back. Grabbing your hand, he finished his thought. “And I would love to go to this appointment with you.”

The tears that filled your eyes and trailed down your cheeks one by one couldn’t be helped. 

“I couldn’t have done this today without you,” you said, voice cracking with emotion. You popped the glovebox to get a napkin to wipe your face, not looking at him as you kept on. “I’ve been so scared for this, and the only person— besides Elsie— that I wanted here with me, was you.”

He reached over to hold your hand, and you tucked the napkin into your lap for backup when you caught his eye again. Before he spoke again, one tear escaped his eye. With one hand lightly squeezing yours, the other dashed up to wipe at the new wetness under his eye. 

Then, after shaking his head, he raised a curious eyebrow to address you. “Wait,” he said wetly before clearing his throat. “Is this your first appointment?”

“Yes,” you blinked, a blush skirting over your cheeks. “I’ve been in denial of it all until super recently.” You sniffed, feeling a couple more tears escape your eye at the topic of conversation and finally talking to Josh about it. It was, admittedly, a lot. “It took me a hot fucking second to come to terms with all of it, so I’m just now at the first appointment.”

He nodded, brows still furrowed as he looked down briefly before finding your eyes again. “How far along are you?”

“I think I’m technically like eleven-ish weeks,” you replied, doing quick math in your head. “I would need to look at my app to give you an exact number. Normally I have it right at the front of my brain, but my nerves are fucking wracked right now,” you bashfully swept your eyes over your hands, interlocked on the armrest. “For obvious reasons.”

You heard him hum and took that as your sign to look at him again. He was watching you carefully, quizzically. His eyes squinted as you, yet again, flushed under his stare. 

“What?!” You hastily spit out, nervous. 

“Does he. . .?”

Knowing exactly what he was asking, you quickly shut down his train of thought. “Jake doesn’t know,” you informed him, tucking your chin as you quietly repeated yourself. “He doesn’t know.”

“Alright,” he responded, not questioning you in the slightest. Your eyes flashed up to meet his: the color of cocoa and sparkling. “Does Elsie?”

Without any words, you gave him a look that answered his pondering thoughts. 

He chuckled, and you joined him by huffing a little laugh, just under your breath. You felt your cheeks loosen with an easy smile. Your shoulders were relaxing more and more by the second. The familiar, natural sense of joviality with him was settling your frazzled nerves.

You eyed the clock on the dashboard and suddenly realized that you were cutting it very close to your appointment time, with no more than a few minutes to spare before you would be running late. 

Sensing your sudden shift in mood, he took the keys out of the ignition just as you unlocked the doors once again, and opened yours. 

“Let’s go inside,” he encouraged, mimicking your action as he opened his own door behind your turned back. 

When you were out of the car, and waiting (sort of) patiently on the sidewalk for him, you physically shook out some of the anxiety that had made home in your bones for the last several months. 

He officially knew that you’d had sex with Jake. He knew that now. And he knew that it had resulted in a baby. He knew enough for now.

And it actually seemed like things were going to be okay. Maybe Elsie had been right all along (though you’d never tell her that).

Your thoughts were affirmed when he came up beside you, pulling you into a hug as soon as he was at your side. A full-on Josh hug: arms wrapped securely around your shoulders. You did your best to hold back tears, so as not to soil his stark white sweatshirt.

Pulling away before you could let any inevitable tears take over, you looked up at him to see his dimple, present in his cheek. You couldn’t help the single tear that trickled down your cheek at the overwhelming feeling of normality. He was warm. He was real. He was Josh. 

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder, bringing you to him once more before taking your hand in his and wrapping it up tightly. 

Peeking up at him through wet lashes, you saw his face was still turned up in his signature grin, his eyes, slightly playful as he gave you a knowing look he’d given you a thousand times before. 

“You’ve got this, mama,” he reassured with a wink, opening the door to the clinic for you.

-🌼🌼🌼-

The place was fucking amazing. The pictures you’d seen on its website hadn’t done it justice at all. The environment was trendy and relaxing and comfortable. Soft music, similar to that of a lullaby played in the open space, only illuminated by the natural light of the day. No overbearing fluorescent bulbs.

Thank God.

As you made your way to the front desk, you decided to let go of Josh’s hand. 

For some reason, it just felt right to do this on your own. Felt right to make this stride on your own. You could handle the front desk.

“You go sit down,” you offered, motioning to the couches that filtered the chic waiting room. “I think I can do this part.” 

“You sure?” He asked, brows dipping to show his genuine concern. “I’m with you every step of the way. I mean it.”

Your eyes drew wet at the words, but you sniffled and cleared the emotion from your throat when you went to grab his arm through the soft white material of his sweatshirt. “I love you so much for that. I can’t even tell you, Josh,” you told him, a tear escaping despite your efforts. “But I’ve gotta take this step on my own.”

He nodded, needing no further explanation. “I’m over here if you need me,” he threw a thumb at the couches behind him. 

You watched as he walked to the couch nearest to the front desk, sitting comfortably on the blush pink velvet that covered it. You tipped your head at him once, showing him and yourself that you were starting your trek to the counter. 

Once there, you were greeted by the kind smile of a woman most likely in her fifties or sixties, her thick black-framed glasses taking up more than half of her face. Her tanned complexion was flawless and her lips were full with red lipstick as she stretched them over perfectly white teeth. Her jet-black hair was half-up, half-down, haphazardly thrown up with a claw clip, but looking flawless nonetheless. 

She matched the modish aesthetic of the clinic to a T. 

“Hi, babe,” she cheerily greeted you with an out-of-place Southern accent in SoHo, her voice still low to keep the room quiet. “You have an appointment today?”

You froze. The reality of it all suddenly came barreling towards you.

Fuck. Shit. Yes. I do have an appointment today. I’m pregnant. I’m standing here, waiting for an appointment because I’m fucking pregnant.

Dammit. What the fuck? I’m. . .?

You standing here suddenly seemed completely astronomical and unreal– was this truly what life was for you now? While thinking about it nonstop, you’d also not been thinking about it to the extent that it would’ve taken for all of this change to click. This was real. Real life. 

You were carrying a human child. 

And you were at your first appointment for it.

Goddamn.

Blinking several times, you tried to keep your grounding firm as your eyes traced her features a thousand times– searching your suddenly static-filled brain for the most simple word in the English language. 

“Y-y-y–,” you shut your eyes tightly to reset. Come on, y/n. You’ve got this. It’s just one word. 

But you suddenly weren’t sure if you ‘had this’. Your hands began to shake uncontrollably at your sides; you wiped them repeatedly on your leggings. 

But before you could moisten the fabric covering your thighs completely, you went to place them on the counter, touching your current surroundings to center yourself. To hold on to what was real. 

Gia would be so proud.

But then your brain raced right back to the true reality of it all. The reason you were freaking out in the first place was because of the real you couldn’t escape–not that you wanted to, by any means. . .right?! You wanted this. You wanted this. 

You DO want this, y/n. Deep breaths.

The voice sounded so eerily similar to your therapist’s that it helped you to grasp onto a flicker of stabilization. 

This reality was not new. You’d known it was real. You had known there was (probably—hopefully) a kid in you for the past few weeks. And being in this place didn’t make that anymore different than before— minutes before when you’d stepped through the door of the clinic. 

Then you’d walked up to the counter and had one simple question asked of you.

You shook your head once more before blinking open your suddenly-wet eyes. 

But you couldn’t look up from the floor. From your high-top, white Chuck Taylors, now off-white and stained from years of wear. 

And swirling before your eyes in ways they shouldn’t be from the amount of nerves encapsulating your brain. . . Your stomach was rolling.

All of a sudden, you felt a familiar arm wrap around your trembling shoulders, strongly holding you to his chest to keep you stable. The cologne that came from the person, along with the overwhelming rush of relief that came with his presence was a dead giveaway for your new company.

Everything settled.

“Yes,” Josh stated, clearly, for you. “Yes, it’s her first appointment. Y/n? Y/l/n?”

A couple of beats and a few clicks from a mouse followed his words. Then you heard a clipboard clack lightly against the counter and a pen getting clicked open before she sat it on top of the board. 

“Whenever she’s ready,” her voice assuredly spoke, so soft and warm. “I’ll get y’all back there when the time feels right.”

You’d effectively curled tighter into Josh before you looked back up at the sweet lady, meeting her eyes with embarrassment laced through every feature on your face. The muscles in your jaw relaxed when you met her eyes, finally speaking. 

“Thank you,” you muttered. “I’m so sorry.”

She tilted her head at you, sending an understanding wink your way. “No need to apologize, sweet pea,” she calmly hushed, her voice sounding reminiscent of any old Southern woman you’d ever seen in a movie. “It’s a whole lot to deal with. We get it.”

Your lips quivered up into a small smile, eyes watery. “That means a lot,” you sputtered, fresh tears making their way to your jaw. 

Dear fucking God. The tears had to stop at some point. You’d always been a crier, but these motherfucking hormones were just bringing out the absolute most. Pulling out all of the stops. Your emotions, pre-pregnancy, were already shaky, at best. . . and they were apparently just getting progressively worse with the damned baby hormones.

The anxiety was understandable. But the crying? It was almost nonstop. And it was getting old already. 

Though, you knew–you knew–that it wasn’t even fucking close to being over. If everything today went accordingly and you officially found out there was a whole ass baby growing inside of you, you knew that this spike in emotions was only the beginning. 

Sharing one more smile with the lady behind the desk, you walked with Josh back to the waiting room couch he’d been occupying prior to your blessed meltdown. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Unashamedly, you let Josh fill out all of the paperwork. You were still tense and uneasy, but the way you’d handled answering the questions, with him right by your side helped more than you’d intended it to. The process had just been an easy ebb and flow, answering basic questions about yourself. 

And questions about Jake—but Josh answered those with zero problems. Basic Father-Of-The-Child shit that Josh could ramble off in his sleep. You couldn’t help peering over his shoulder as he answered those. You couldn’t explain the intrigue— you just thought it funny seeing him answer questions about his twin. . . Like it was nothing. 

Then came questions about your menstrual cycle. Which were not your favorite to have Josh write the answers to— but you didn’t want to put pen to paper, so you continued to let him write even those, too.

The rest of the process went easily. He’d rattle off a question, and you’d answer it. That was how it’d gone for roughly thirty minutes. 

He’d clicked his tongue, drawing a line down the section about past pregnancies. And then he’d come to a question that made him give you a look. He had one eyebrow raised as soon as he’d read through the last question. 

The last question. The last question that had been slightly unwelcome and less than wonderful to have him fill in for you. 

You didn’t know why you hadn’t thought of it being on the sheet. Your mind had been too focused on other things for the past several days. Like hopelessly depressing scenarios involving your baby’s wellbeing and telling people and eating fucking pickles. . . you just hadn’t really given much weight to possible questions on this initial patient questionnaire. 

You pulled your body back slightly, your own face morphing to one that mirrored his. “What?”

“The last question— they want to know if you’re sexually—,” he cleared his throat, shaking his head once before before continuing. “If you’re sexually active.”

You blushed deep crimson—your cheeks, flaming hot. You knew exactly where his mind went because it was where yours went with the question. 

Are you still having sex with Jake?

You coughed briefly, clearing the awkward air before you responded. “No,” you divulged, your eyes flitting up to his: big, wondering and deep chocolate. “No. We’re not— fuck. I’m not. I’m not having sex. I don’t know if he is,” you rambled, bringing a hand up to slap your forehead. Your heart rate even accelerated the slightest bit, hurting your chest. What in the fuck? That's unnecessary. It’s one question, y/n. Quit being nervous—there’s no need. “But—I’m not having sex. Not sexually active, no.”

Josh brought your hand away from your head, which was suddenly breaking out in a cold sweat. You found his eyes: open and willing to listen and understand. Your heart rate slowed considerably at his expression. “It’s okay, y/n. Either way, I don’t care. It’s your life.”

You blinked away more tears—god, fuck. Not trusting yourself to speak, you simply nodded in response. The response was what you’d needed to hear from the beginning. Would things be different if you’d heard those words from him at the beginning of all of this? 

It was no use to imagine. You hadn’t heard his affirmation before now, and at this point, it was officially too late. You’d hurt Jake. Jake had moved on and proved to you that you really weren’t that important to him.

And, the sad truth: even if Josh was okay with it, you had plenty more reasons to keep your title with Jake strictly roommate—friend at most. 

Also, officially, the mother of his child.

Clasping your hands over your tummy, you watched as he checked the “no” box. Then, you watched his eyes scan the sheet quickly to check for any missed questions, clicking his tongue against his teeth all the while.

Thankfully, it seemed you’d successfully answered all of them when he got up to walk the sheet back to the counter for you, where a nurse now occupied the seat, you’d observed. Scrubs, making that apparent.

You had been too busy spacing out on the many questions Josh had asked of you, per the sheets. You hadn’t the mind to pay attention to where the receptionist had gone.

Josh came back over to you shortly to get your driver’s license from you, along with your insurance card. 

“They’ll need these on file,” he said, flashing both at you once you’d given them to him. He brought them back after they’d scanned them into the system, but went up to the counter to answer any questions they may've had as you waited on the couch. 

He was seriously the best. You, proving to be completely useless, didn’t hinder him from being the most incredible friend whilst you sat, doing nothing. 

Before too long, once (you assumed) the general information from the sheet had been entered in the system, you heard your name called from the door to the side of the desk, and you were steadily ushered to the back by a nurse. (With Josh in tow, of course. He wasn’t going anywhere.)

“Nice day outside?” The young nurse, blonde hair pulled into a sleek ponytail, asked politely, as you stepped off the scale she’d weighed you on. 

“Yeah,” you responded, glancing over your shoulder at Josh. “Nice fall day. But a little warmer than we like it, huh, Josh?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, yes,” he responded. “Definitely not enjoying my choice of clothing today. . . Not the day for a sweater, I’ll say.”

The nurse hummed, taking in the information as she grabbed a cup from the counter with your first initial and last name on it. “How long have you guys been together?” She addressed you once with a smile, looking between the two of you with a twinkle in her eye. 

You didn’t mean to squawk with a laugh. 

But thankfully you didn’t have to worry about it because Josh did, too. 

The laugh was, once again, exactly what you needed to calm you down. Your shoulders, still releasing their tension from earlier, became more and more relaxed with each giggle you released. Josh was holding his mouth and shaking his head, his smiling eyes closed while you answered the question. 

“We’re not together,” you explained, the laughter dying down as you caught the nurse’s wide eyes sympathetically. “He’s my best friend. Dating my sister, actually.”

“Oh,” she grinned shakily, eyes jumping back and forth between the two of you. “You both just–he’s here with you today—and you two just seem to fit so well together.”

You smirked, throwing a sideways glance at Josh who was watching the woman with the same sympathetic gaze as you. He must’ve sensed your staring, though, because he quickly threw a look your way. 

He winked at you before adding in his two cents. “I mean, you weren’t wrong. We do mesh incredibly well, but her sister’s had my heart for a helluva a long time. However, I am the uncle,” he informed her, pointing to himself before throwing the same pointer at your tummy. 

It made your heart flutter a thousand beats per minute at hearing him say, for the first time, that he’s the uncle. Josh being bound by blood to the little bean growing within you is another reason you feel assured in your decision to keep it. It’s part of Jake, and part of your closest confidant (aside from Elsie) for years. You’ve obviously thought about it plenty of times before now, but finally hearing Josh acknowledge it was something your heart desperately needed.

“My brother is the father. I’m just her best friend–don’t know what he is to her, though," he finished.

Your eyes widened as you were still getting used to hearing Jake being referred to as the father out loud. . .

Better get fucking used to it, though–nothing you could do about it. 

You also weren’t sure what to make of Josh’s last statement–was he still upset with you that he didn’t know anything about Jake’s role in your life? The inflection in his tone sounded a bit more sneering than you would have liked.

Whenever she spoke next, you were able to snap out of it, recovering quickly.

“Whoa,” she said, blowing out a breath. “That’s. . . wow.” Shaking her head, she looked at the cup in her hand, handing it over to you before she continued. She seemed to be done with the conversation, and ready to get back to the task at hand. “Every woman that comes in for her first appointment gets her blood drawn and urinates in a cup,” she motions to the plastic container she’d handed over to you, then taps at her arm as she watches you carefully for her next spiel. “We draw the blood so we can use it to identify your blood type and to look for other conditions we may have to monitor or treat during your pregnancy.”

Damn. That was a hell ton of information. What do I even make of all of that?

It was your turn to just stare blankly at her and offer a simple okay before she was pointing to the room with the open door, across the hallway, for Josh.

“You can wait in that room for her,” she stretched a little half smile over her delicate features. “She will be there shortly.”

He gave you two thumbs up and a reassuring grin before going in the direction she’d told him. Then she was leading you to the nearest bathroom so you could pee in your fucking cup. After giving you a few instructions, along with a sterile wipe, and informing you on how to get an uncontaminated urine sample, she was letting you in to the single-person restroom. 

It definitely matched the trendy environment of the rest of the clinic and was cleaner than probably any other public restroom you’d ever been inside. You did exactly as she’d instructed and made your business quick before handing off the sample to the same nurse from before. She sat it in a window where someone behind immediately grabbed it. 

“Going off to the lab,” she half-smiled, but quickly tipped her finger to signal you to follow her further down the hallway. “Now I’m going to draw some blood real fast, and then you’ll be free to go wait for the doctor in your room.”

Sitting in a chair in a room towards the back, a couple of other nurses went about their business as your nurse cleaned your arm, using a cotton ball with her now-gloved hands. 

“Does getting your blood drawn freak you out?” She apprehensively questioned before she went to insert the needle. “Or these?” She wiggled the needle in the air to emphasize.

You shook your head, pursing your lips. “For some reason, those are two things I’m totally fine with,” you spoke, your voice tilting up at the end. “I don’t know why they don’t freak me out—everything else fucking does.”

God, shut the fuck up, y/n. Let her do her job.

The blonde gave you an odd look, as if you’d spoken too much for her taste. 

And that pissed you off. You no longer felt bad for talking too much. 

You fucking asked me, bitch.

Thankfully, you were able to get rid of her in minutes-time. As soon as she’d bandaged your arm over a cotton ball, she pointed you to the room she’d sent Josh. 

“Thanks,” you mumbled with a small, semi-annoyed smile before making your way to the room where Josh waited. 

His eyes were huge when you made your way into the small exam room. 

“Holy shit,” he breathed. “You’ve got it cut the fuck out for you, huh?”

You gave him a look that said Seriously? and rolled your eyes. “Duh, Josh,” you replied, taking in the small room with pretty pictures of babies all over the walls. “I kind of already knew that. Since I am the one carrying the fuckin’ baby and all.”

God, that was harsh, y/n. He doesn’t deserve your anger like that.

Both of his hands went up to guard him as he crossed one leg over the other. “Jesus, y/n,” he sighed, eyes huge. “Give me a damn break. I didn’t even know until today that you were pregnant. Didn't fully know any of it. It’s a lot for a guy, I guess.”

“Damn, I’m so sorry that it’s so much for you as a man, Josh,” you scowled, your voice not hiding any of your irritation with him for his last comment. 

Seriously, y/n?

To be fair, as amazing as Josh truly was, he was still a man— and half of the time men didn’t know their heads from their assholes. Didn’t ever know the proper times to say stupid shit. (Or, to not say it at all.) 

You had to put it in perspective, though . . .because you kind of sucked at saying ridiculous shit, too. So you could only get so angry with him.

“That was a stupid thing to say,” he admitted. “Sorry.”

You tried to laugh it off. You didn’t want there to be unnecessary tension right now—it was the very last thing you needed. “It’s fine,” you encouraged. 

You propped yourself to sit the best you could on the edge of the beige-matted table. The thin paper that covered it crinkled underneath you– made you feel like you were making way too much noise for the tiny room.

“I’m sorry for being short. I need you. For multiple reasons. But right now. . .I just need you to be with me when I find out if this bean actually exists in my loins. . . If I’ve been imagining it the whole fucking time, or if I’ve lost it. . .,” you swallowed. You had to blink back the tears gathering in your eyes as you trailed off at the dreaded possibility. “I just need you to see with me if there’s anything sad to be seen,” you added, voice suddenly wet. 

“Hey,” Josh spoke, softly. “Look at me.”

You swiveled to do as he said. The attempt to not cry was useless. The tears were drenching your cheeks. The fear that had settled so deeply in your bones since the day you’d heard that podcast was coming to light, as you’d just uttered the worries aloud for the first time. 

Barely seeing Josh through the wetness that clouded your vision, you replied the best you could, albeit extremely pathetically. “Yeah?” 

“Why are you worried about those things?” He asked, so quietly, eyes gleaming to bring light. Grabbing your hands, his eyes became suspicious slits when he addressed his next question. “Y/n. . . Have you given yourself any time to feel excited about this appointment? Or have you just focused on the anxiety you’ve built up, surrounding today?”

You bowed your head out of embarrassment. “I’ve been excited, Josh. . .,” you muttered, completely aware of the lie. 

“Mmm,” he responded, rubbing his chin with one hand as the other still grasped both of yours, sure and comforting. “I suspect that’s untrue. . . I know you, my love.”

Gasping on a sob, you closed your eyes to stop crying, covering your face with your hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he said, squeezing your hands, down and away from your face. He held them still with one of his own, the other helping to slide his chair closer to you. “Don’t you dare be sorry, mama— there’s no reason. This is just the beginning; you’ve got plenty more opportunities to be excited. . . I’m sure plenty of women get worried before this first appointment. There’s a lot up in the air before the first time you see the little thing on the screen.”

You opened your eyes to look at him. And though they were still wet, nothing else was coming from your ducts— thank god. “Yeah?” You asked, desperate to know he actually might understand, tone begging him to tell you you’re not crazy. “You think?”

He nodded with his lips pursed, his new mustache squiggly with the action; his brows, tied together, and eyes, serious. “Oh, yes. I know it. You are not alone, love,” he reassured you, helping your heart rate slow to normal for the millionth time that day. “But that’s why I hope every single one of those women has a person who is there for them on days like today.” He paused, setting his eyes firmly on you before continuing. “Because, today, we are going to discover and conquer whatever we find out from that screen—,” he tilted his forehead toward the monitor screen, “Together.”

Your eyes welled, lip sticking out with a pout. God, you loved him. You truly couldn’t have done today without him. “I really need a hug from you.” 

Without question, he was up and out of his seat, wrapping his arms snugly around you. You tucked your nose into his neck, breathing in his cologne— the familiar smell of his patchouli exactly what you needed to feel secure in the moment. 

You were busy focusing on his breathing, in and out, in and out, when the door received a knock and creaked open behind his back. He must’ve heard, too, and moved away from hugging you and back to his seat as you both watched for the doctor to walk through the door.

But the only person you saw was. . . the receptionist? What was she doing in—? 

“I’m Dr. Rose,” the beautiful lady—who was a doctor apparently, not a receptionist—greeted you with that same, thick Southern accent. “It’s nice to see you doin’ better since I last saw ya, babygirl.”

You blinked several times, feeling immediately at ease with the familiar face. “You’re a doctor? Not a receptionist?”

God, stupid, y/n. Duh. She just said that, you moron.

She chuckled. “Yes ma’am,” she replied, as she clicked on every button on the monitor needed to complete the appointment. Afterwards, as things whirred to life, she went to open the laptop she’d carried in with her, sitting atop the counter. “I’m your doctor, sweet cakes,” she twanged in her western tone. “I’ll be with y’all until the very end of this wonderful journey we call pregnancy.”

You grinned, appreciative of the fact that you were already familiar with her—even if it was from the tiniest interaction earlier. But you couldn’t hold onto that feeling for too long before you got nervous of the impression you’d made earlier with your anxiety attack (or whatever the hell that’d been). 

With concerned brows, you cleared your throat before offering up some words of your own. “I’m so sorry that the first time you met me I was acting like a basket case,” you apologized, extremely self conscious. Crossing your legs tighter, you tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. When that still hadn’t been enough to contain the nervous energy, you let your hands rest on your belly. 

Tapping away at the small bump, skin tight under your sweater, you waited for her response. 

She gave you a look that immediately eased you. Her brow, raised, and beautiful red lips quirked up in a small grin. “Now, little missy, I told you earlier that we get it and I meant it.” Dr. Rose sat on her rolling stool, wheeling over to the table. And once there, extended it to be higher so she could talk better with you closer to eye level. “You are not the first one to get all nervous at your first prenatal appointment—or any OB appointment at all— and you’re certainly not the last—far, far from it,” she smiled wide, close-lipped and completely empathetic. Her deep set, big, brown eyes— lashes so long and curled to perfection— showed you how much she cared, behind her big black frames. “Now, how about we get to the good stuff?”

There were obviously a couple tears dripping down your cheek, and you pushed them away as you nodded. Your tummy did all of the flips and tosses and turns—your skin was practically buzzing with nerves. 

You were so close to seeing the truth.

Facing this head on.

“Go ahead and lay back for me,” she instructed. You did as you were told, bending an arm behind your head, trying to get comfortable in skin that felt restrictive. As she stood up, clicking a few buttons to get the monitor screen situated, she asked some questions. “Now can you give me a small debrief on your health history? Anything you can think of? Don’t worry about digging too, too deep right now. We have your blood samples and urine sample that will also aid in indicating any abnormalities.”

The word abnormalities wasn’t your favorite thing to hear, but you didn’t let it sit tight in your brain as you pondered anything she might need to know. 

“Um,” you dipped into the more current issues you’d faced. “I guess. . . anxiety? Depression? Do those count?” 

Dr. Rose hummed in approval and gave a small grin as she went to get a few materials from the cabinet.

“I think the anxiety is worse than the depression, but they’re both persistently just. . . there,” you contemplated what else. . . nothing much was coming to your mind. “I also got my tonsils taken out when I was like 12 years old. . .?”

“You say that as a question,” she commented, a lilt in her voice and a smile on her face, showing that she found it funny. 

“I did have them taken out,” you huffed a laugh, rolling your eyes at yourself as you pushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen out from behind your ear. “I’m just kind of. . .blanking. I know there’s more, but I’m just–just fucking nervous.”

“That’s understandable, sweetie pie,” she assured, her thick Southern accent making your heart rate settle just a bit.

“I know I’m probably missing a few things. Like, there are parts of my childhood that are hazy at best, so there might be things buried back there that I can’t tell you today,” you informed carefully, hoping she understood. When she nodded, you took that as your sign to continue. “I’m seeing a therapist right now who is actually helping me dig up some of it, so I might have a few more answers for you next visit.”

There was a moment of silence as Dr. Rose continued to prepare the sonogram machine, the obnoxious clacking of keys and buttons covering the dull electrical hum that surrounded you. However, that singular moment of time seemed to carry on and on as the nerves in your body seemed to twist your gut to the point that your organs felt close to pushing out of your belly button.

It was as if simply mentioning your mental health – and whispering of your past – was enough to send you into a mini spiral. The muted lull of the clinic didn’t help anything. . . the almost soundless environment, wrapping you up in its emptiness and choking you.

Tap, tap . . .  Tap, tap . . .  Tap, tap . . .

You tried to focus on the thrum of your fingertips along the tender skin of your swollen abdomen, hoping and praying it would keep your thoughts at bay.  

She was taking a long fucking time–which you were sure was normal and warranted. 

But, God. The room just started feeling smaller and smaller as the thoughts got bigger and bigger. You were in the room that was about to tell you the truth of the matter and you still seemed so far away from finding out. . . You weren’t sure what to think. 

Were you even ready to see what the ultrasound was about to show you?

Josh must have noticed the nervous energy you were exuding as the stoppers on the legs of the chair made a sharp scraping noise against the sterile linoleum tile, making you cringe the tiniest bit. He moved his chair closer to the side of the table next to you, opposite of where Dr. Rose sat on the other side.  His dark eyes made contact with yours and his brow raised as if to say, ‘are you okay?’.

All you could manage to do was nod in response, brows knitted.

“Alrighty, I’m going to put some of this gel on your belly and then you’ll feel a bit of pressure once we start.”

You were half expecting a chill to make you jolt with the application of the thick gel, much like you'd seen in movies - you know, where it’s freezing cold and uncomfortable - but as it fell against your skin, you were surprised to be met with a warm temperature that relaxed you.  The clean scent of the gel overpowered your nostrils, but not in a bad way.  It gave you something else to focus on as a slight pressure from the head of the wand, came to push lightly against your belly, just above your pelvic bone.

The black and white image appeared on the screen and. . . showed you nothing. 

Nothing. 

Emptiness. Empty stomach.

Amidst the gray static on the screen, there was nothing but a big black spot that resembled a the shape of a bean.  You had to force yourself to look away, an all-too familiar stinging feeling in the corner of your eyes, showing up again.

All this time, the acceptance of your pregnancy and the effort and hard work you’d put in to create a better life for yourself (and this part of him inside you). . . had shown to be completely pointless.  The feeling of hope that you'd begun to welcome into your life was on the brink of shattering and it didn’t help that Dr. Rose wasn’t saying anything. . . wasn’t doing anything aside from sliding the wand against your empty stomach.

God fucking dammit. All of your worst fears were coming to fruition and every moment you stared at the bleak screen you felt the emptiness on the screen envelop your heart until—.

Thump thump.

You felt your breath catch in your throat as Josh gently grabbed onto your arm, reassuring, and pointed at the screen above you. On the screen, displayed clear as day right in front of you, was the outline of a baby’s delicate profile.

The soft curve of its forehead, the splotchy spikes of a tell-tale spine, a little belly, the slightest movement of four tiny limbs protruding from the sides and bottom. . . and the tiniest flicker in the center of it all.

You couldn’t tear your gaze away as Dr. Rose started to press more buttons and a bunch of small dotted yellow lines showed over the image of your baby, measuring from point A to point B. She was speaking, but you couldn’t be bothered to listen to the words she was saying. All you cared about was the miniscule movements on the screen as a leg kicked up or an arm pushed out.  

It was beautiful, striking, amazing, wonderful, unbelievable, and real. . . so very real.

What you had found yourself questioning for weeks wasn’t just a thought, but now cemented reality. The concerns you had and the voice in your head doubting you were silenced to nothing - because the life growing inside you, the product of you and Jake, was right in front of you.  

The product of the best night of your life was finally proven to be the best part of you and it was real.

Thump thump.

The steady sound of a little racing heartbeat drew you back to the present and to the words your doctor was saying to you.

“Profile looks darn good, placenta is anterior, there’s the umbilical cord. . .,” She spoke as she pointed with her finger to each shape of white that was mixed into the static. “Heartbeat is 160, there’s the bladder and the kidneys, oh!” Dr. Rose exclaimed with a chuckle as she seemed to record a movement. Upon playing it back in front of you, she explained the movement as a little hand with five fingers moved up towards a space by the baby’s nose. “The little angel is wavin' at you, mama,” she looked down at you with a knowing smile. 

Your heart swelled more than you’d ever felt in your entire life. This was . . . otherworldly. Absolutely earth-shattering. There were not any words you could string together that would do this moment justice.

“Wow,” you muttered, voice officially clogged with the tears that relentlessly poured down your cheeks. You sniffled. “It’s. . . moving?”

“Sure is,” she winked. “Has been for a while. You have an especially active little one – already. Prepare for some monster kicks here in a couple months, mama.”

“Wow,” you repeated.

“Gets it from their uncle,”Josh said, sniffling behind you.

You smiled over at him. You felt the joy he did. All around. More. This was your baby. Yours and Jake’s. God.

“Exciting, huh, babe?” She asked knowingly. 

All you could do was nod. You weren’t sure you could stop smiling. . . it was hurting your cheeks, but you welcomed it. This was. . . this was everything. Everything you could have ever wished for.

“I know it, honey bun,” she agreed, her red lips perked with joy for you. “Also, according to the size of the baby and the start date of your last menstrual cycle, I would say you are at right about 12 weeks, little missy.”

Once she’d confirmed the gestational age, you saw her scoot the cart back a bit and wipe the wand she’d used with a sterile wipe, putting it back in its slot. Then, she cleaned your belly of any leftover jelly. You just watched from where you were still leaned back, head resting on one arm behind it. She stripped her gloves and tossed them in the nearest waste bin.

“Twelve weeks. Yep,” you breathed, pulling your shirt down. Your cheeks lifted even more at officially knowing (relatively) how old your little bean was. “Based on my last period.”

“Yes. Because, oddly enough, that is technically when the pregnancy started,” she explained. “On the first date of your last menstrual cycle.”

Dr. Rose went to grab a packet, a pamphlet, and a few free-flying papers, all paper-clipped together, from the counter. You sat up as she clicked her way back to you on her stilettos. She kept talking as she handed them to you. “I don’t wanna clog up our time today with all of the technicalities – unless that’s what ya want?” She offered. 

You shook your head no. Today, all you’d come in wanting to know was that your baby was alive. And you knew that now. And fuck, it felt nice. Better than. 

Except . . .

“Is the baby healthy?” You asked worriedly, needing to hear her tell you.

“Positively. One hundred percent, mama,” she confirmed, her teeth sparkling behind her red lips. “From what I could see on the scan, you’ve got a perfectly healthy baby squirmin’ around in there.”

You internally and externally let out a sigh of relief that had needed released for a fat second. The baby was okay. Healthy. Moving. Alive. 

Everything was going to be alright.

You looked down at Josh, his face glowing, cheeks glistening with tears. “I’m so proud of you,” he choked. 

Another tear slipped down his cheek as you felt one well in your eye. You didn’t know why he was proud of you, but the words made your emotions spike. You were proud of the little life inside of you. . . already doing its best to live its best life.

“Back to what I was sayin’ before,” Dr. Rose went on. Your eyes found her, clicking off the machine. “In that paperwork you’ll find all of the technicalities and logistics about the pregnancy. Which vitamins you should take. Prenatals our clinic suggests. Recommended foods to eat. The baby’s size week by week. When I say everything, sweetie, I mean ev-er-ything,” she emphasized in her twang. “You can find the same information on our clinic’s website. There is a help tab on there for our mothers-to-be, but I always provide physical copies for my girls. I also recommend downloading at least one pregnancy tracker app to get notified with updates – it’s just convenient and fun.”

“I downloaded one recently, actually. It’s been amazing. Thank you for everything,” you weakly offered. You also had to know. . . “Will you be the one delivering the baby?”

“Sure thing,” she affirmed. “With ya till ya want rid of me. Speaking of that day, our partnering hospital is Cedars-Sinai, so that is where you’ll end up having the baby,” she paused, bringing her eyes to you. “Since you indicated on the form that you would prefer a planned hospital birth over a planned home birth.”

“Correct. Hospital birth for me,” you affirmed.

“Now, we are going to schedule your next appointment for four weeks from now,” she continued, opening her tablet and typing out the information for her calendar, presumably. “How does December 8th sound, honey bun?”

You didn’t check your calendar, because you would make that day okay. Anything you needed to do to make it happen. “Sounds perfect,” you replied, practically jittering with excitement for the next one. “When will I find out the gender?”

“I always have my girls wait until week 18,” she responded, turning buttons off on the machine before scooting it back where it had started. “So, when you come in for your next appointment, we will actually have ya schedule an extra lil appointment in there to see what our little buddy is in there.”

“Got it,” you told her. 

“Your sonogram pictures will be waitin’ at the front desk for ya,” she said, washing her hands. Then, after she dried them, she grabbed her laptop. “And finally, your due date is–at this point, according to what we know–May 23rd.”

The date was suddenly the most important you’d ever heard. 

It was the day you now felt you’d been waiting for your entire life.

Without ever knowing it. 

This baby was already changing your heart for the better and everyday, it seemed like all the little (alive and moving) bundle of hope did was bring you unadulterated joy. 

The most precious gift that you’d made with someone so precious to you.

-🌼🌼🌼-

Once you’d finished the appointment, Josh had asked if you had any plans. And when you’d said no, he ended up driving you both to a cute little cafe he'd heard about in SoHo. A place that, even from the outside, oozed with a charming aesthetic. 

The two of you sat there, pointing out every single detail of the sonogram pictures, ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the tiny feet, tiny hands, and the itty bitty, adorable body that belonged to your baby. . . You had never seen something so beautiful. You were sure of it.

And after that, you’d taken some time to catch up. You’d talked about him and Elsie, Elsie and her travels, and the fact that you’d started going to therapy. (Next to the baby, he was most excited about this.)

All you’d ordered was a Sprite since you weren’t feeling the most hungry as of late. Josh had followed in your lead and only ordered drinks as well. Honey tea and a glass of water. He’d made sure to tell the waitress to grab you a water, too. 

And after a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve your ever-aching bladder, you were back at the table. 

Back at a table where Josh was giving you a look. His eyes were narrowed, a mischievous grin turning his lips up to show a dimple in his cheek.

Just as you’d sat down, the waitress was bringing Josh a new, piping hot tea, since he'd (apparently) already finished the first. 

And then, as soon as she was gone, he was talking.

“I sort of had a weird inkling of something going on. . .,” Josh noted as he stirred, then took a long swig of his tea, steam still emitting from the top. “Goddammit!” He gasped, a pained expression painting his features, as he coughed over the warm temperature of the beverage. “Hot hot hot hot,” he repeated to himself, finding his ice water and taking an even longer swig.

You couldn’t help the burst of laughter that bloomed in your chest, flying past your lips as he continued to down the water. All you got in response was him flipping you off with one long digit, and a wrinkle, knitting his brow.

The sinking feeling in your stomach couldn’t be ignored, though. . . you’d heard what he initially said. How had he known? God. . . how long? Your mind was a frenzy as you forced yourself to stop laughing to focus on the serious subject matter at hand.

“How?”

“Well, y/n,” he replied smartly, motioning to the cup. “It just came from the pot, I’m sure. Don’t you see the damned thing is steaming? Why did I even take a–?”

“No,” you stopped his rambling to clarify your question. “How did you . . .? Did you seriously know?” As you were still air-quoting the last few words, he was already nodding his head to answer you. “How? Why? What did we do wrong? I-I mean- God. Do Sam and Danny know, too?”

“Now, I didn’t say I knew,” he corrected you, feeling at the sides of the mug to test the temperature. And, yet again, he was met with the scorching temperature, thus hissing and placing his hands around the plastic of the water cup. “In essence, I said I had an idea. And you didn’t do anything wrong. I just– he’s my fucking twin, y/n,” he set you with a stare that said ‘Remember?! Can’t fool me!’, before he continued. “And where you’re concerned. . . I know you very well. You’ve been my best friend for several years. . ." he reminded you. "Oh, and I’m also a fucking empath. Which you, my dear, were the first one to ever point out my empathic tendencies. . .,” he winked at you with a grin on his full lips. “You should’ve known you couldn’t keep that shit from me. Not without me getting suspicious as hell.”

“Are you mad?”

He stuck his lip out, looking down at the tea, running his finger tip along the rim of the mug before he wrapped his hands around it again. Apparently not at a burning temperature anymore, he decided to bring the cup up to his lips, pinky up as he gripped the handle. This time, he closed his eyes in relief at the taste of the honeyed tea on his tongue. When he placed it back down, he continued watching it, lips still pushed out in a pout as he shook his head, brow wrinkled.

“Nah,” was all he supplied, his eyes hyper focused on the white ceramic mug.

Of course, you were not convinced. “Josh. Look at me.”

When his eyes slowly slid up to find yours, you found at least one reason he hadn’t been looking at you. There were wet pools accumulating in the ducts of his deep brown eyes. He breathed in deeply, his chest expanding with the giant breath before he blew it out, a lone tear making its way down his cheek. 

“I–,” he started, shaking his head and messing with the front of his curly mop of hair. He dropped his hand to tap against the table. “It’s not that I’m mad. It’s really hard to make me mad. I’m more mad at Jake. He makes me mad very easily when he wants. Because I know he can do better. . . Like starting this with you and not having the balls to see it through and leaving you with a baby in your belly.” It was as if the steam had been transferred from his cup to his ears, his nostrils were flaring as he shook his head and squinted his eyes shut. 

Damn, he and Jake look very similar when they get angry, you suddenly discovered.

“And now, he’s just been fucking Maya while you’ve had to deal with–.”

The tears came instantly. Your vision was blurry before you were even able to process that the tears were there. 

“Oh my god, y/n. I’m so– fuck. I’m sorry,” Josh tried, his tone willing you to hear him out. 

You blinked furiously, covering your eyes with one hand. But, finding it useless to try to hide the tears, you just let them fall freely as you now took deep breaths, your eyes piercing through the window of the cafe. “Can we please not–?”

“Y-yeah, Goddammit,” he nervously fluffed the front of his hair. “Y/n, please look at me.”

Forcing your eyes away from the clear autumn sky, you found his eyes, earnestly begging for you to listen to him. “He wasn’t– he hasn’t– I don’t–,” he growled under his breath, reaching forward for your hand. Which you only stared at until he spoke next. “Please, just take my hand.”

So, you did as he asked and looked at him with desperately sad eyes. 

He watched you carefully for a few minutes, letting the tears leave as he reassured you and apologized a couple more times. 

He cleared his throat, blinking his eyes a few times before apparently deciding on a new conversation. “When did you guys begin. . .?”

You knew he was asking when you’d started fucking his brother. But he obviously wasn’t going to say it. 

Nice turn in conversation, Josh.

“It’s complicated,” you offered wetly, not in the mood to talk.

He hummed, before raising a brow with searching eyes. He was trying to get through to you. “Was it that night at Baby’s All Right?”

How the fuck did he know that–?

But, like you said, it was more complicated–because, no, it really didn’t start at Baby’s. 

“Technically," you sniffled, swiping a finger, then a thumb under both of your eyes. "It started before and after that night. It was a long, drawn out thing that shouldn’t have ever started.”

Instantly, you felt guilty. 

The words felt wrong to say. . .the first thing coming to your mind – the baby. 

If it hadn’t started, you wouldn’t have the baby. The sweet little bean in your belly with a beautiful, beating heart. You placed a steady hand against your tummy to make up for the harsh words. 

And the second thing. . . you couldn’t begin to imagine never getting to be that close to Jake. . . you were grateful it had started. . . But you also hated yourself for ever letting yourself get so tied up in Jake Kiszka.

Figuratively and literally. God. Stupid.

“Yes, it should have,” he affirmed, your eyes flickering to him. “For my niece or nephew alone.”

“You’re right,” you agreed, eyes filling with more tears at the conversation and the spiraling thoughts in your mind. “But, I guess, if we are getting technical. . .," you sniffed. "It started that night he left the venue so pissed and you were equally as pissed with him.”

He seemed to think on that for a second or two, trying to go back to the night to which you were referring. Once he finally found it, his eyes lit up with a twitch on his lips. 

“He was mad that night,” he remembered, his hand squeezing yours. You decided to pull yours away from his as you felt it beginning to perspire. Wiped them on your pants, waiting for him to continue. “And now I know why. You weren’t there.”

“Essentially, yes,” you confirmed with a tilt of your head. You couldn't help but snicker with the next part. “It started when I got home.”

Josh’s lips stretched to the point that his eyes bulged and his cheeks puffed out. He blew out a breath while his eyes stayed huge. “And that is all I need to know about that night.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his expression and his words, to which he lightened with you, falling into a soft moment of laughter alongside you. 

When the humor died down, he took the initiative to speak. And you let him. You really weren’t feeling like talking. The smells of the cafe, for one, were starting to make your stomach turn. “I could’ve guessed that it started around that time,” he began. You quirked a brow, asking him to explain further. “He . . . he changed around that time.” You didn’t speak, which told him to continue. “You see, when he first got to New York, he was so fucking surly and rude. He wasn’t just like that with you, mama. He was short as hell with me, too. And the other guys got his bad side – especially Sammy. His heart was broken and he didn’t know how to handle his shit. He started coming back into himself around that time, though. . .Middle of summer. He sort of peaked around the middle of summer. And if I am doing the math right. . . that is when it was happening?”

You nodded an affirmation, impressed by the quick math. 

“Yeah, he was Jake again,” he expressed, eyes tearing up again. “He was joyful for the first time in years. I hadn’t seen him act so freely and fun since before he and Amelia started dating. There was always something stopping him when he was with her – she was stopping him. But you. . . you must’ve encouraged him to be himself. You didn’t turn down the challenge. You took a chance on my brother.”

After considering the words, the lightbulb appeared above your head. That conversation the day in the record shop. The same day you’d played over and over again to convince yourself out of being with Jake. You’d focused on the other words so much that you’d forgotten all about the positive things–the possibilities that had been discussed that day.

You remembered it now. You'd been talking about high school. And how Jake had sort of decided to fuck all when Josh hadn't. . . and it had turned into you bringing up your love of a challenge. 

Josh had nodded, lips turned down, his eyes still holding a little glint. “Yup. Get my point now?”

“Yeah, but like I just said, I’m not one to turn down a challenge. Just like you, Josh. And your brother. . .I’ve learned he is nothing if not a challenge.” 

He had nodded, knowing you were right. And he’d known you long enough to know that you did indeed enjoy overcoming any problem life may hand you.

God, what had happened to you? Where had the desire to accomplish challenges gone?

Why had you given up? Had you given him up? Or had you simply been done with that challenge? Had Jake just been ready to fly? Had you done what was best?

But, you sidelined those thoughts and decided there were more important matters at hand. Like Josh telling you more about how he was feeling.

“So. . . you’re not hurt?” You asked, your voice hoarse from not talking. You cleared it, and tried again. “You’re not hurt?”

“A little, I guess,” he nodded, eyes studying you.

“That’s fair,” you encouraged – glad he was sharing his heart. “I’m sorry for not telling you. But I just kept hearing your voice in my head–that same day we talked about challenges– that same day you’d told me something and it repeated itself over and over to the point that I tried to resist things happening with Jake. Mostly for you, Josh. I didn’t want to betray you. Didn't want him to betray his dreams. But then it just became something bigger that I couldn’t control. It was . . . different than anything else I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t stop it from happening.”

“Did you want to stop it?”

“I tried to convince myself that I wanted to . . . but I never did. Not really. I wanted him the whole time, but I felt wrong for it. I was totally disregarding what you’d said to me. . . Going against your wishes for him.”

His eyes got big as he took another sip of his tea, that at this point, was probably lukewarm. But if it was, his face didn’t show it. He licked at his lips and peered at you pensively, curiously. “God, y/n. I’m sorry. What did I even say? I don’t remember,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I hate that my words have been just fuckin’ tormenting you, mama. I’m so sorry.”

“No,” you said, pointing your finger at him, your eyes serious to communicate your point. “You don’t be sorry. I’m the one who was in the wrong. Not even Jake, necessarily,” you included the last part, just on Jake’s behalf. “I was the one who did it even after you’d confided in me that you were happy Jake was getting to live life for himself for the first time – without having to worry about being hung up on a girl. And, then I just let myself be that girl you didn’t want for him – I was the girl to get in his way while he should’ve been living for himself.”

“In the spirit of fairness, though, I told him that he needed to take a break from women. He didn’t listen to me either. Well, sort of. . . he actually did follow my advice, I guess,” he encouraged, his eyes searching yours. “Because I also told him that I wanted him to think of what he wanted first.” His tone lifted as he winked at you. 

Your brow wrinkled . . . what was he trying to say? 

He continued, “Which, I guess, my dear, after the dream . . . was you.”

Feeling suddenly lightheaded and loopy with Josh’s words, you let them settle for a minute or two before saying anything more. 

And, the waitress had perfect timing. She filled the open air by asking if you needed anything. First time she’d been back in a hot damn second. Josh asked for a new tea, and you asked for another glass of Sprite. 

All that you could think in that moment was that you really had been the opposite of the right thing for Jake. So, you decided to speak your mind.

“But. . . no,” you declined his words, shaking your head. “No, Josh. He didn’t put himself first – he had a woman – me – that he was focused on instead of learning himself.”

He took a bit to consider your words, his eyes squinted at you as he pursed his lips. The waitress came back to the table as the conversation lulled for his response. 

As soon as she left, though, the two of you were back to it.

“Y/n,” he began, his lips growing into a sure smile. His hands came to clasp in front of him, his hair bouncing with each disbelieving shake of his head. “He did. He moved here. He started pursuing the dream. He got a job he loved by teaching lessons.” Thus meeting Maya, you snarkily thought. “He did put himself first. Did all of that, and then he pursued you.”

. . . you hadn’t really thought of it that way. Not once had you considered that. 

God. What if you’d told Josh a long time ago? Chances were, he would’ve eased your fears and worries. . . but instead, you’d assumed he’d think the worst and let your thoughts derail. 

Would you even be in the predicament you were today? 

You knew the answer. The answer was most likely no. You wouldn’t have the baby because there would’ve never been a night - the night - to relieve your Jake-induced stress. Because you would have already taken the time to talk to Josh. . . He would have reassured you before you even had time to ever get to that depressive point.

Would he have convinced you to be with Jake? 

You didn’t know. . . but. . . it was too late now. 

You were where you were now and there was nothing you could do about it. 

And none of this ever worked in how Maya had already been in the picture – maybe she had been part of the reason he became happier in the middle of summer.

In the end, she could be the one to thank for this– it could most definitely not be you. The sad truth of the matter was, she had probably been filling his cup all along. . .while he was filling yours.

While you were letting yourself get tangled in him, he was feeling the same emotions. . . but for her. Because, in the end, she was easier than you.

You couldn't find it in good conscience to be with him anyway.

Because, well, you still wouldn’t have wanted to distract him from his dream with a relationship. His dream was too valuable to possibly table for you. You were too much of a mess that he could get distracted by, rather than taking the time to fulfill his dream.

She freed up his time with her carefree nature. And you only infiltrated his time with your darkness. She was sunshine, brightening up his paths.

You had to figure you out before you could ever make someone as happy as Maya made Jake. 

Before you had this baby.

However the tables turned, they had already turned. And it was too late to go back and change anything now. You weren’t even sure what you would change–or what you would think if you could turn back time. There was too much filling up your brain–your life– to make the wisest decision. 

It didn’t matter anyway.

So, you told Josh all you could think to say. The same words you’d thrown nastily in Jake’s face, you threw harshly in your own.

“Well, I guess I served my purpose.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

When Josh pulled your car into your space, Jake’s was nowhere to be found. As always, you couldn't help but wonder where he was. He hadn't worked today so he was probably with-.

“I really am most mad at my brother.”

“Try not to be,” you encouraged lamely. You really didn’t care too much about him being angry at anyone right now. . . all you really cared about was getting upstairs to your bed to take a nice, long nap. It had been a day. 

“I’m going to be for a whi–.”

Tap tap tap.

Both of your eyes turned to Josh’s window. Outside of the driver’s side was Jake. You could see all the way down his loose shirt. It was open and tempting his tanned skin and firm chest, while his necklaces hung loosely in front of him, as he was bent over to peek into the car.

But. . . you could see the heated glare from his eyes, even through the tint of his Ray-Bans. His nostrils were flared and his lips had curled into a faux smirk. 

When Josh rolled his window down, you heard Jake's breathy chuckles that had no indication of anything truly humorous behind them. They sounded more bitter than anything else. 

“What have you two been up to?” he questioned, the inflection on the word ‘you’ paired with his snide tone told you he was probably less than thrilled to see you and Josh together. Alone, at that. 

But why? Why the fuck would he care?

You were struck completely motionless and silent, feeling nauseous again, desperately trying to swallow down that all too familiar sensation. But this time, it wasn’t due to the hormones wreaking havoc in your tummy, it was Jake’s presence at this incredibly horrid time that had your belly flipping in slow motion somersaults. 

Josh huffed a laugh that nearly replicated Jake’s. Mimicking his twin to further his irritation, no doubt. You knew Josh was in no mood to put up with Jake’s piss-poor attitude, especially given everything he had discovered. You were tightly holding your breath at whatever the hell could possibly come from Josh's mouth, hoping that he would say as little as possible.

“Funny that you should ask, Jacob,” Josh retorted. He turned his head to the left to make eye contact with his twin, his fingers were still gripped to the steering wheel with a force that turned his knuckles stark white.

What was he about to say? Shit. He knew better. . . right?

“Because," Josh began. "I don’t exactly believe it’s any of your business what we're doing. In fact, I know it’s none of your business.”

Ironic. . . because it most definitely was his business. He just didn’t know it. Not yet.

He flashed Jake his classic Josh grin, extra wide with eyes squinted, an extra, added dramatic flair of his fluttering eyelashes to seal his condescending statement. 

You let out the breath you had been holding, thankful that Josh kept from saying too much. This was not how you wanted Jake to find out. Although, you still had no idea when or how you would approach that. 

All you knew for sure, was that this wasn’t the right time. 

Jake had stood firm the entire time, a brow raised with an obviously fake grin that held his lips in a tight line. His first response was a snicker through his nose and a patronizing simper, just shy of a full on scowl. 

“‘Kay, got it,” he sneered. Then, he was patting the side of the driver's door with his opened palm before swiftly turning on his heel to walk away. He forcibly shoved his hands in the front pockets of his black jeans as he sauntered off, and you couldn’t help but notice how it stretched the fabric even tighter against his perfectly, rounded ass. A sight you still fawned over, admittedly. 

How could you not?

But you broke your gaze quickly once Josh turned to face you once again. Even though he finally knew about the special addition that you shared with his brother, you’d still feel awkward (and a little guilty) as fuck if he watched you gawk over him so openly. Especially on a day so sensitive as today.

Josh had let out an exasperated sigh deep from his lungs, his jaw clenched and hard when he finally shut the humming engine off. “I have so much that I want to say to him,” he muttered, mostly to himself as his tone was hushed.

Yeah. Me fucking too, you thought to yourself. Don’t you think I get it?

Without the engine running, the car had become dead silent. The type of silence that allowed you to hear the rapid beating of your own heart clearly in your ears. (You even thought for a moment that you could hear Josh’s, too. That kind of quiet. Like earlier. Right after you'd told him.)

It gave you time to ponder. . . Despite his incredible response to all of this today, you still worried. Because, for the first time in the literal years of having Josh as your safe haven, you feared that things could have changed far too much for him to ever look at you the same again.

But then, your never ending train of overthinking was put to a halt when he placed a loving hand on your knee. When his warm eyes connected with yours, they reassured you that he wasn’t planning on going anywhere. At least not anytime soon.

“You ready to go inside, mama?” 

His sweet smile that you had loved for years lit up his once hard features. Seeing the signature grin lifted some weight off your heavy shoulders.

You nodded your head and unbuckled your seatbelt as he did the same. But as you lifted the latch on the passenger door, another thought began clouding your mind, a question that you felt you needed to ask someone. That you needed to ask Josh.

“Hey. . .,” you started as he already had one foot out the door.

He stalled his movements and promptly turned his head to face you. 

“Yeah?” he answered, the same smile still cocked in the corner of his mouth.

“When should I tell him?”

He situated himself back inside, resting his back against the dark leather. His eyes were cast on yours, soft and kind as you’d always known them to be, yet a seriousness found within them. 

“That’s up to you, mama. You have to decide when the time feels right.” His gentle hand reached to grab your shoulder in a reassuring gesture, effectively pulling you away from your burdening thoughts. 

Once you’d finally made your way out of the car, you heard him clear his throat and looked to see what else he had to say. He was squinting at you through the autumn day’s rays when he finished the line of thought he’d started in the car.

“But. . . knowing my twin, he’d want to know sooner rather than later. Don’t wait too long, love. He’s got a good heart, you know that. Give him the chance to step up like I know he will.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

Friday, November 11, 2022

You’d missed the show completely. As you knew you would. 

Josh had known you were going to show up later than usual since your school work was (quite actually) burying you. Specifically, it was thanks to a 20-page paper that was due tonight. 

Thankfully, you’d been able to finish it in time to at least meet the boys at the bar (smoke free, Josh had clarified on the phone) they’d decided to hang out at after the show. You hadn’t hung out with them after a show in forever. Hadn’t even been to a show in. . .well, you didn’t even know how long.

The reason could be mostly chalked up to your intense homework load this semester, but part of you knew you’d also been trying to avoid them due to the addition of Maya. 

It just didn’t feel the same anymore. And you knew you couldn’t force yourself to pretend. So, the extra school work turned out to be a pretty good excuse. At least you weren’t fabricating anything when you’d told them you couldn’t make it. (Although you would prefer if you didn’t have so much fucking homework.)

But you did miss watching Jake perform. You missed the faces he’d make while playing his guitar, the ones that so closely resembled the one’s he’d make with you. The way he’d thrust himself into his beloved instrument, or pull it close to his body with a force that left your head reeling and your body in dire need for him. 

As much as you missed all of that, something you missed even more was witnessing how his passion exuded through his entire body while he played. How his love for his art was so wonderfully evident as he put so much of himself into every song he played. 

And with the way your body kept betraying you – literally pulsing with desire for him anytime he was simply near you . . . to the point of needing to relieve yourself with your hands or a toy. . . You were weak as fuck. You figured it probably wasn’t the best idea to watch him perform like that with your hormones going ballistic.  

Too many factors worked together to make you feel rather uncomfortable about being near him in that capacity. But. . . here you were. Waiting at the bar for them to arrive. 

Putting yourself in a situation where he’d inevitably be near – sitting at the same booth as you, most likely. Admittedly, it wasn’t your most incredible idea. But Josh telling you the other guys had been missing you made you realize how badly you’d missed them. 

So. Here you were. Scrolling on pregnant influencers’ Instagram pages for helpful tips and testimonials (and occasionally Jake’s page, just to torture yourself) as you waited for them.

Just as you’d thought to send Josh a text letting him know you were at the bar and sitting at a booth near the back, you felt the urge to pee like no other. Your belly had sort of popped in the few days that had transpired since your first ultrasound. You were learning that twelve weeks on your body was the. . . rounder version of twelve weeks. . . Which was not working in your favor to hide your changing body. 

Thankfully, the rest of your body looked mostly the same as normal – save for your boobs which were still about as big as they were in your Shining twin costume (not growing too much more yet, but continuing to be sore as hell). They weren’t giant, per se, but they definitely looked noticeably bigger and felt fucking heavy.

So, you were officially having to wear looser-fitting clothing to avoid anyone looking at you differently. To be fair, to most eyes, it probably would've looked like some weight gain around your midsection if you wore normal clothing. But to you, it literally just looked like you were pregnant. 

You were definitely getting used to waking up every morning to a body that looked just a little different than the day before. Noticed every little change—but they didn’t feel little to you. . . Anything that changed felt massive to you.  

. . .Hence why you were being overly cautious with the giant sweaters. . . Because, to you, it looked so obviously different that you didn’t want to risk people thinking anything or asking any questions.

And, thanks to your newly expanding uterus and a spike in your progesterone (according to your Ovia app), you were beginning to actually wiggle in your seat from the urge to pee. It was all rather unkind on your poor bladder. . .  You had to fucking relieve yourself soon or you would be peeing your leggings. It would be embarrassing as hell to pee yourself and smell like it for the entire evening.

Though, you realized, as people started filtering in, that you couldn’t get up to pee. . . It was too much of a risk that you’d lose the one big booth to this hastily growing Friday night crowd.

Just as you’d started contemplating your lack of options, a particular laugh you’d gotten (unfortunately) used to, made its way through the crowded bar. Your eyes zoomed to the dark haired, caramel-skinned beauty who’d taken up residence in Jake’s life. 

Maya. 

Her laugh was just as beautiful as she was. . . Directing every eye in the front of the establishment to her as they joined in on whatever she was laughing about. She was a force to be reckoned with and it was obvious anytime you saw her. You were pretty sure you could see her chocolate eyes actually sparkling, all the way from across the bar.

Then, here you were in a giant ass Pratt hoodie with plain black, ratty leggings and your white Chucks. Feeling bloated and gross. . . And still needing to really fucking pee. So you had to put your insecurities to the side and get up from the spot you’d effectively heated up for the last twenty minutes because your one and only solution had just walked in. 

You didn’t want to walk away and lose your spot, so you did the only thing you could think to do. 

“Maya!” You called in her direction, tucking your phone into your hoodie pocket with one hand while the other waved at her. An incredibly forced smile was plastered to your face. 

Is this the first time I’ve ever spoken to her? You wondered briefly. 

Even though you knew the answer. 

Yes, definitely the first time I’ve ever talked to her. Weird. And funny fucking cause for it, too, you giggled to yourself, just behind your close-mouthed grin.

It was as if she’d already seen you, because she looked at you with a knowing look. She sent you a (stupid) wink and a (stupid, yet admittedly kind) wave, along with a wide smile—bright white teeth complimented by her full lips. 

Standing up had caused your bladder to go into emergency mode—a sensation similar to nearly bursting was the only way you could describe it. And, strangely, you suddenly felt sort of dizzy from the overwhelming pressure. 

That’s odd, you thought absently, brows wrinkling ever so slightly with the feeling. Ignoring it, you kept waving. And, the smile slipped from your face as you urgently motioned her over. Getting the hint, she said goodbye to the few patrons she’d been talking with and made her way to you. 

Long, wavy hair, inky as the night sky, flowed in waves around her shoulders as she sweetly pushed through people on the way to the booth. 

Every man she passed had to do a double take, watching her as she passed by them. . . You didn’t blame them. She was a fucking dream. (And you hated it.)

Body positively snatched and voluptuous in her all-black outfit. Her large breasts, exposed just right in her extremely low-cut black shirt. The shirt dipped all the way to the middle of her rib cage, exposing a lot of her perfect, perky breasts and tight abdomen. The tiny waist just below the dip was intimidating at best and had you feeling extremely self conscious of your nearly non-existent waist (thanks to the tiny friend living inside of you). You were glad you couldn’t see her ass, because you knew the exquisitely round part of her would have you heading for the door rather than the restroom. 

God, why did she have to look like a damn model? It was the worst possible thing for you. You were sure of it.

Once she was finally at the table, you didn’t want to stand there and stare at her. She had you feeling ready to jump out of your unfamiliar, changing body. Made you feel like nothing, just by standing there.

And, most importantly, you were nearing the risk of peeing with a singular movement at this point. You really weren’t sure how you’d make it to the restroom, but you had to try. 

You were already toeing around the table, out of the booth, when you spoke to her, averting your eyes and finding the restroom sign instead. “I’ve gotta pee really fucking bad,” you hastily said, taking the final step from the back of the booth. “Can you save this table for me so we have a place to sit?”

“We?” She questioned. “Y/n, I would definitely normally save it for you and your friends, but I have to work on finding my own place since I’m waiting here for Jake and the—.”

“Jake and the guys, I know.” You snapped, eyes flashing as you finished for her, not focusing on your facial expression. You were almost positive you rolled your eyes at her comment. 

Does she not know? Why? Did no one tell her?

Bouncing on the heels of your feet, back and forth, you quickly continued. Matter at hand. “I’m here to hang with you guys, too, but I’ve gotta—.”

“Pee!” She finished, a giggle that was probably supposed to be cute left her lips. “Go! I’ll save it. Go, go, go!” 

You were already walking away with her last sentence, hearing her from behind your back as you focused on not wetting your pants on the way to the ladies room. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

When you got back out, you were instantly met with the sight of all of the guys at the back booth you’d saved.

Your eyes, sadly, found Jake and Maya first – sitting practically on top of each other in the back corner of the booth. She was wrapped up in Jake, while engaging in a conversation with Sam. And, even though she seemed to only be halfway listening, Sammy kept on talking like she was interested in only him. 

But with the way Jake’s hand toyed with the hair over her shoulder and eventually traveled to squeeze (and hold) her waist. . . you knew why she wasn’t fully listening. Sammy would not be getting her full attention any time soon, and you knew that from personal experience. If it were you Jake was playing with like that, you would have tuned Sam completely out. 

Pushing any emotion down that threatened to boil up to the surface, you kept on walking to the booth. 

And when you got close enough, all of the attention was suddenly on you. The first one to notice you was Danny, who got up from his end seat on the booth to greet you with a giant hug. You sank into him, feeling all of the love that he was emitting sink into your sore body. 

Then, Sam was loudly exclaiming your presence, telling you that he was waiting for his own hug. 

You went around the three brothers who wanted to give you a squeeze. 

Sam hugged you especially hard, making your boobs ache like no other when he pressed hard against you. Gratefully, Josh had been paying attention when you caught his eye with a pained expression and had loudly determined that it was his turn.

After Josh had grasped you from Sam and given a loose hug, you stood awkwardly. Waiting. But for what?

But. . .you knew what. . .knew why.

It was Jake’s turn. 

Though, all you got was a little close-lipped smile and a half-wave with a head nod from his spot next to his supermodel girlfriend. 

You reciprocated with essentially the same response, your stomach falling to your feet as you did so. It was ludicrous to think he’d get up for a hug, too. Especially with Maya sitting next to him with her perfectly-fucking-manicured hand clutching the inside of his thigh. 

God, you needed to feel him close to you, though. You needed your hand on his inner thigh, dangerously close to a place on his body that’d been so accustomed to yours. You couldn’t help the way you yearned for him to be inside of you again. . . It was fucking embarrassing as hell.

And, then there was an incredibly intrusive thought. 

It told you that, for some (strange) reason, the idea of his pecs pressing into your sore breasts. . .sounded extremely appealing. (And the thought of his hands or his warm, wet mouth on them? Fuck.) 

But— you knew at this point, there was a fat chance of that ever happening.

He didn’t want you near him like that. And definitely not his hands or mouth on you. So you were sure he did not want a measly hug either.

And right now? In this bar? At this exact time? Obviously-fucking-not. Why would he move away from perfection? For you? In your frumpy-ass outfit? As you glanced down self-consciously, you even noticed one white sock peeking way higher than the other from your high-tops. 

Small details. Small details that showed how much of a fucking mess you were in comparison to her.

When you heard his laugh cut through the wave of emotion you were feeling, you looked back up at him. Only to see that he was engaged with Maya and Sam in some (apparently) hilarious conversation. 

He didn’t give two shits about you that way anymore. Why would he?

The terrible things you’d said to him in the kitchen were the first reason that came to your mind. Haunted you everyday, reminding you that you didn’t deserve his attention. 

You bet she, in her utter perfection and 'sunshiney' ways, would never tell him the things you had. He was probably relishing in the mental break she provided him. A break from the emotional thunderstorm that was you. 

But what the two lovebirds didn’t know was that you were carrying a part of him within you that she couldn’t do a thing about. No matter what she was to him, she didn’t have what you did. 

Though, the depressing truth of the matter was even if you were carrying his baby, Maya was still the one falling asleep next to him more nights than not. You had a piece of him, yes, but she had all of him. 

Fuck. That felt selfish. Without even thinking about it, you brought your hands up to your stomach as an effort to apologize to the little lemon-sized baby in your tummy. 

You are enough for me, you desperately thought, looking down, hoping to translate the words somehow to your unborn bundle of hope. You give me plenty of joy. 

“Y/n,” Josh spoke, breaking you from your reverie. 

“Mmm?” You hummed.

Then he was leaning over, whispering so quietly in your ear. “You’re about to give particular notice to your stomach.”

Shit. You instantly dropped your hand, looking around to make sure no one had noticed. 

Thankfully, no one had. 

You mouthed a ‘thank you’ to your best friend, and scooted into the space he and Daniel had left for you, between them, on their side. 

Sitting again helped to balance you, as the dizziness from earlier kept coming back in tiny spurts. You didn’t know what it was all about, but you knew it was probably something attributed to pregnancy. It was probably something normal that you didn’t need to be worried about. 

But, you figured having someone to lean on would help to keep you steady. So, you found Josh’s shoulder, pressing against him. It was more than necessary, so you let your shoulder lazily lay against his arm. The closeness to a safe person felt overwhelmingly comforting in the otherwise emotionally-wrought headspace you were experiencing. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

About an hour later, you found yourself humming along to the music that had gotten progressively louder over the time you’d been sitting with the guys. Getting lost in the melodies felt nice. And you’d noticed, walking in that night, that it was soul music night, according to the sign on the front door of the bar.

Your favorite.

After sitting with them for only a few minutes, making small talk with Sam and Danny to catch up, you’d essentially let yourself become an observer. You’d just listened to them talk about all of these new, sudden opportunities that were coming around for them.

So much was changing. 

They were essentially done with the smaller gigs. Their label’s management had put their foot down that they were done with those. They wanted them going to more popular, reputable places to get their name out there. The label had taken it upon themselves to work with their manager to put them in bigger venues. They’d even begun advertising the boys with promotional pictures and posters all over active streets in Brooklyn.

“We’ve had photoshoots, y/n,” Sam had boasted in wonder at one point, making sure to involve you in the conversation. “Photoshoots! Like, real rockstar things.”

“‘S fucking nuts,” Daniel agreed, nodding beside you, sending you a small smile. “People working on wardrobe for us and all that shit.”

“Well, you are rockstars,” you told Sammy genuinely, letting your eyes skate to each of the boys (save for one). But, when you finished your statement, you let your eyes find him. And his eyes literally melted into yours. Like he’d been waiting for you to acknowledge him. “You’ve been ready for this for a long time. I’m just glad you are finally getting to live it.”

But you tore your gaze away before it could become too much. Though, the snicker you heard from Maya made your eyes cut to her. You forced yourself to hold your tongue. Didn’t trust yourself with what might come out of your mouth. What had her feeling all bitter and shit? She didn’t get the fucking half of it.

That particular thought had your hands falling to clasp tightly against your tummy, thankfully hidden by the table. 

They’d also begun working on their first album (which you knew about), but its release date had officially been set in stone for May. It was daunting for you and felt huge to you, so you couldn’t imagine how it felt for them. 

It was all moving so fast. . . Which, if you were being honest, terrified you for what was to come in the near future. The little bean that was set to arrive around the time of the album’s release. Because of all of your recent . . .changes, it just felt like a terrible time for things to feel so unsure and abnormal. 

You knew it was selfish to feel that way. You did. It was just impossible to not feel worried and anxious. 

The stress inevitably started climbing up into your upper back, creating tension. And, Josh, being Josh, must’ve sensed a change in your demeanor. He’d wrapped his arm around your shoulders when you started feeling all bunched up and jittery. You’d leaned into it, needing the incredible amount of comfort in his embrace and presence. 

The music was setting your mind at ease from the tension you felt in your body. It also helped to alleviate the awkward air you felt with the proximity of Jake’s guest. Who sat there looking so beautiful all night. Jake’s arm hadn’t left her shoulders all night, twirling her long waves between his long fingers. You had to look away at several points. It didn’t take long for the sight to become too much. Your ever-present nausea only increased by watching them. 

So you didn’t watch. Didn’t allow yourself to look at him.

You breathed in the music. The music saved you. You just listened to the music. The world was a blur. 

But, when they all joined in on mutual excitement, all smiles and voices getting louder, you tuned back in just slightly.

And when you did, they were talking about one particular thing they were all looking forward to: a special event of sorts that was coming up. 

Apparently it was a huge thing for this event to take place. One final step before embracing the stardom. It would happen in a few months’ time — once the label execs heard a few songs, and released them as singles. Then, they would get to preview them to the public. 

It would be an intimate type of event, more like old times, but for a few semi-important people who worked for the tour management team and whoever else wanted to come. It would be a listening party where the boys would play their new music. And according to the boys, it was the label’s attempt to get an idea of touring being a possibility. 

A lot of it was pinned on if the turnout was good. On how the guys interacted with the crowd. How the performed. . . It would be a sort of audition for the tour management team. 

“I have faith that they’ll love us,” Sammy said, buzzing with excitement. “I’m speaking that shit into existence.” 

The rest of the guys agreed.

Your eyes inadvertently snapped to Jake when he spoke next. “And once we start touring. . .,” he said, grin huge and his eyes shining at the other guys. “That’s when it all becomes fucking real. And it’ll be here before we even know it.”

Your stomach fell.

Josh squeezed your knee after he’d said it, knowing exactly what you were thinking.

Your thoughts were fucking spiraling. Looking down, you closed your eyes to will the tears away— tried your best to be subtle with your bundled up emotions. 

You felt so excited for him. You wanted it for them—for him. All along, you’d wanted him to live his dream. The one he’d had for so long. But the idea of him going off and away. . . All of them being so far away, all of the time, right at the time your life would be inevitably changing for the rest of forever. . . It was a lot to wrap your mind around.

It had your stomach tied in fucking knots—the idea of Jake being a dad, but not getting to be one. Leaving you. Leaving the baby. It wouldn’t be a bad thing, per se, but it was going to hurt like hell. 

You swore, right then and there, that you would not let him give it up for anything. Not a baby, definitely not you (not that he’d want to abandon it for you) — it was the last thing you wanted. The last thing that would happen. 

He would live the dream. Even if you had to force him to do so.

No matter how badly you already knew you’d  want him around during that massively  transformative time. . . You were capable of doing it on your own. And Elsie would help. She would most definitely be around, you already knew. 

But. . . Jake. 

You shoved the thoughts down to the tresses of hell, literally planting your feet flat on the floor to center yourself to present time. Shifting a bit, you laid your head on Josh’s shoulder, letting your eyes drift closed after a while. Didn’t sleep, no, but you felt like you could have. Your body felt loose and weak from the night’s stress slowly leaving your body as you focused on Josh’s steady breathing and the music. 

As the night wore on, the volume had ended up getting so loud that everyone practically had to yell at one another to have a conversation, even within the close confines of the booth. 

So, you had to blink your eyes open at that point. It was too much. The over-stimulation was soon approaching. You could feel it. You felt. . . heavier than normal. Like, you were being pulled down to the earth with exhaustion. Which was new, but probably just over-stimulation.

Even with your eyes open, they were hooded. You were so tired, you felt as though you couldn’t open them much more. And the dizziness from earlier was back with force. 

So you focused on swaying your body a little to the rhythm of each song, tapping out the beat of each on the table. Josh had instinctively begun humming along with you while still managing to keep conversation with everyone else. He’d sneak the occasional smile to give a sign of him remaining loyal to your company as well as the others’.

The melodious harmonies of Stevie Wonder’s "Please Don't Go" had been a surprise, as it was a more unpopular hit of his. It was a welcome distraction to listen to a song you knew well over the speakers, for all ears to hear. Nothing beat hearing songs you loved, playing in public spaces. 

Oh, Stevie. His songs had historically been known to bring you peace. Always had. Always would. Stevie's music never failed to meet you where you were emotionally. This song, not being an exception, and hitting extremely close to home for the present time. . . But still, the tension you’d felt all night began to dissipate, sizzling out almost completely with the beautiful ending of the track.

Just as the heavy weight of your anxieties you’d carried all night had lifted, the next song started to ring throughout the building.

Only this time, the feeling it gave you was a far cry from the previous. 

You knew it instantly. You’d be able to hear this song even if it weren’t blaring throughout the building. 

As soon as the first note sounded, it sent a vibration straight to your heart and a swarm of butterflies (that actually felt more like bees) to your tummy. 

You hadn’t looked at him yet, but you felt Jake’s eyes piercing through you. 

You didn’t want to look at him. Not yet. 

Your hormones had been far too out of whack for that. You knew you’d cry instantly upon seeing his face while this song played at a volume that you now wish was much, much lower.

Aretha’s powerhouse voice repeated it over and over again. 

You’re all I need to get by, you’re all I need to get by, you’re all I need. . .

No, you weren’t looking at Jake. But he was still the only vision clouding your mind’s eye. 

You were back on your living room floor. . . his eyebrows bunched together with each heavy thrust into you, the sweat that accumulated between them, the perspiration and exertion that could only come from real intimacy. . .passion.

And it was plain to see that you were my destiny. . .

His coffee colored eyes that bore into you as his body connected with yours in the most intimate way that it could’ve. 

And when I lose my will, you’ll be there to push me up that hill. . .

How he filled you so completely, stretching you the only way you ever wanted. . . How, in that moment, it felt like he was made to fit you. Your body, your heart, your life.

I don’t know what’s in store, but together we can open any door. . . 

Without even meaning to, your eyes met his. 

And while Maya was going on about whatever she felt the need to talk about, he was watching you. His eyes were extremely thoughtful. . . So much being communicated behind them. 

If you were delusional, you’d even go so far as to say he was admiring you. . . The way his eyes flashed a bit as you watched him, too. 

But you weren’t delusional. 

Though, you just knew that he was thinking the same thing as you. . . He knew. He knew this song was special. 

And as much as you attempted to not wear your emotions, with your condition, it was impossible.

You felt your eyes prick with tears as the song came to an end, and you quickly put your head down for what you knew was coming. And when the small drop hit your cheek, as soon as it appeared, you wiped it away. 

You looked back up, sniffing once and shaking your head.

Why did I have to fucking look?

“God, I wish they’d play music from this century here for once. Or at least something halfway decent,” Maya snickered, her attention on Jake, pulling his gaze away from you with her ignorant remark. “This song could put me straight to sleep. Music like this is meant to be left in the past where it belongs.” 

What the hell? What was even the point? 

What she said had your blood boiling with red hot rage. Of course she had to pick this song to insert her disgusting opinion.

And how was Jake, of all people, in a relationship with someone who thought so little of older music? How did he put up with that shit? It would be really fucking hard to hear things like that all the time if you were in his shoes.

A look of pure disgust washed over Josh’s face, and you knew he wouldn’t take her shit laying down. Not when it came to good, classic soul music. Not to mention, Aretha was one of his biggest vocal inspirations. “How can you not appreciate the Queen of Soul? She paved the way for singers of every genre, her voice is timeless and immaculate. To criticize her is to criticize all music.” 

His defensive tone had everyone silent for an almost uncomfortable amount of time.

You wanted to chime in and let her know that you agreed with everything he said. But you felt it best to keep your mouth shut given the real reason you were so pissed. Didn’t trust your emotions to stay steady enough to get your point across. 

This was personal.

To your shock, it was Jake that ended up breaking the awkward silence at the table. “You know, babe, some of us have some pretty significant memories tied back to music like this,” he asserted, sharply, pulling away from her, dropping his arm from her shoulders to look at her better. “This song specifically. . . At least for me.”

Your heart leapt into your throat at what he was implying. Significant? He couldn’t mean. . .? But then he flashed his eyes to you. And you knew. 

Fuck, Jake. The butterflies let completely loose in your tummy at the implication. At the look. 

He continued, his voice growing softer, while staying assertive. “And it could very possibly be hurtful to others when you say surface level shit like that.”

Maya scoffed, rolling her eyes. This was the first time you’d ever witnessed the woman be something other than a dream. “So I can’t have opinions, hm?” 

“I never said—,” Jake tried, getting interrupted by her continuing. 

She was piercing him with a glare, tone biting. “Did you ever stop to think about how it hurt my feelings when you refused to see 21 Savage with me? And after I got us the tickets, no less?” 

You didn’t mean to snort a small laugh at her words. 

But. . . 21 Savage?!

Thankfully, you weren’t alone in finding amusement in the words as everyone else had a similar response. Sammy spit out the drink he’d just taken, some of it even coming out of his nose. Daniel had clapped a hand over his mouth and dragged it down his face, closing his eyes in the process. 

And Josh turned to you as soon as you turned your sights to him. He made eyes at you, raising his brows with a grin threatening to turn into a laugh. If he could’ve spoken, you assumed he’d say something along the lines of ‘oh, shit.’

Sam was the next to speak, barely able to catch a breath as he wiped the leftover drink from around his mouth with a napkin. “Maya, my dear,” he giggled, the words distorted a little by the wipe of the napkin. “You surely can’t have an emotional connection with his music?”

“Maybe I do,” she retorted, scooting away from Jake a little. Crossing her arms over her cleavage, she eyed Sammy, judgmentally. “Maybe it saw me through some really hard times.”

“Did it?” Danny tried, his face seeming earnest in pursuit to find sense in her music taste. 

“Well,” her eyes found Danny’s, but darted around a bit, still. “Not necessarily. . . But I do enjoy his music. . . Which is my prerogative.”

Josh’s brow was quirked. He stared her down, his face a mixture of amusement and annoyance. “Maya,” he cleared his throat. Her eyes found him, hard and defensive. But it was obvious she was losing some steam. “There is a difference between enjoying music and having it change the entire trajectory of your entire life.”

Before she could sputter out a response, the waiter was back at the head of the table with the two pizzas the guys had ordered. 

“One pepperoni pizza,” she said, placing one giant tray of pizza on the table. 

Your nose immediately picked up on the overwhelming scent of cheese and pepperoni. You had never smelt something so greasy. This was even worse than the greasy smell at Waffle House on the morning you’d gone with Elsie. And where there, you could find some sort of nostalgic comfort in the smell of it. . . there was nothing that could make this pizza’s smell appealing. Fuck.

“And. . .,” Sammy’s excited tone broke through your nauseous reverie. 

You didn’t look up, only watched in near agony as the second pizza, filled with every vegetable in the book, was sat right in front of you. Every fucking vegetable had it’s own special, rancid smell that you hadn’t ever noticed until now. 

Goddamn. And it just got worse as you let your eyes follow a slice that Sam took off the tray, cheese so disgustingly stringy, to his waiting mouth. The way his teeth sunk into the pizza and the oil slipped down his chin. . . You felt the bile rise in the back of your throat at the sight. The dizziness set in again. Then there was the cheese that came to the corner of his mouth as he chewed his first bite with an open mouth. 

Closing your eyes, you tried your best to will it away. 

But you couldn’t. It was too late. Behind your closed eyes, all you could see was the sight again, but this time, in slow motion. . . more and more repulsive with every flash of the image. 

You found Josh’s leg, hitting it repeatedly to indicate that you needed out of the booth. Your other hand, held tightly over your mouth, which felt as though it could explode with projectile vomit at any moment. 

That would be real cute. A really effective way to make Jake look at you. . . but not for the reasons you’d want. 

At. All.

Thankfully, Josh got the hint and quickly scooted out of the booth to allow you out. 

And as soon as your feet hit the concrete floor, you were speeding to the bathroom once more. This time, immediately landing on your knees over the toilet with a hand clutching your hair, as you retched the (very little) contents of your stomach into the toilet.

It was alarming, to say the least, as you saw only clear saliva goo floating around in the bowl. . . no food accompanying the sickness you’d just produced. 

I haven’t eaten today, you thought suddenly, wiping your brow of the sweat that had accumulated. Nothing to puke out because everything sounded vile.

And then the dizziness was setting in again as you rose from your place on the ground.

You really hadn’t been eating much at all. And pickles, being the only thing you could stand to eat, did not give you proper nutrients. You knew that. 

Have to figure something out, you decided as you washed your hands. Disturbingly, you saw four hands instead of two and it was daunting at best. Need to go home and do some research so I can figure out how to fucking eat something.

By the time you got back to the booth, you already had your keys out of your belt bag. 

Josh gave you a sympathetic grin. He mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ and you just shook your head, reassuring him with a mimicked ‘It’s fine’ in response.

When you snapped your head up from Josh to say bye to the others, you realized that Jake was watching you closely. Pensively. Unsurely. 

You gulped, setting your eyes on him. If only you knew, Jake. . . But, suddenly, anger was flaring in the place of any butterflies. Lack of food and pregnancy could do that to a person. But you don’t know. So quit looking at me. 

“You feelin’ sick, Baby Dragon?” Sam said, breaking you out of your staring contest with Jake.

“Yeah, noticed you weren’t drinking tonight. . . you okay?” Danny interjected. 

“O–Oh, yeah. No, yeah,” you shook your head, which only caused your head to throb. Shit. “Just tired. Exhausted from school.” And from carrying a human life in my uterus. “I wanna get home and rest.”

“I forced her to come tonight,” Josh added. He looked at you before exchanging looks with the other guys, emphasizing his point to help you out. “She has had her nose to the fucking grindstone. I insisted she needed a night out.”

“Forced her?” Jake scoffed with a roll of his eyes. “God, y/n. If you don’t want to come, then don’t come.”

You fumed at his words. What the fuck? Just minutes ago he was jumping to defend your song. “He didn’t force me,” you growled back at him. Don’t test a pregnant woman carrying your goddamn baby, Jacob. “What he meant was that he encouraged me to come since I haven’t been around for a while.”

“And why’s that?” Jake pushed, continuing to jest at you. Is this a game to you, asshole? 

“Jake,” Josh snapped, tone sharp and heated. 

“School,” you asserted (with a partial lie), shutting your eyes when you started seeing two of him. When you opened them to stare back at him, you focused hard as you continued to see four brown eyes instead of two. “But that’s not really any of your business is it, Jake?”

He was silent, his jaw clenching. Then he looked back to Maya, starting a conversation with her, effectively shutting you out. 

You weren’t sure how long you could put up with the hot and cold act from him. You knew that he was hurt, but you preferred the moments in recent times where he’d shown the soft side of his heart. The Jake side of his heart. 

The one flashing through your mind at this moment was on the night of the Halloween party. When he’d picked up the dropped brownies for you and then offered to help you carry stuff to your room. . . albeit he had been drunk. It’d still been him. You knew it. It was something he’d do. . . you knew him. 

And you knew him well enough to know when he was acting like an ass, it meant he was hurt. You weren’t oblivious to the recent hurt you’d inflicted on him. . . but why was he suddenly reacting like this again? Why now?

When another wave of dizziness took you over, you had to once again shut your eyes to keep your balance, and you held tight to the strap of your bag. Your head was also, once again, pulsing.

You opened your eyes and tried to stay steady, as you didn’t want to worry the three who cared. Pulling your phone from the pocket of your oversized hoodie, you shook your keys at the guys who still watched with concerned eyes. 

“Be safe,” Danny offered sympathetically, reaching a hand out. You grasped it, rubbing your thumb over the back. 

As soon as he let go, Sam was up and pulling you into a hug. Once he’d succeeded in killing your boobs again, he held onto your shoulders. “We miss you,” he said, breath thick with alcohol that was making your stomach turn. You held your breath and tapped at his hand politely before scooting back from him. “Love you, y/n.”

You repeated the phrase back to him before Josh got up, presumably to walk you to the door. “I promise I’ll start coming around more often again,” you told them. “I miss you, too.”

And just before you stepped to head toward the exit, you found Jake’s eyes again. 

They were softer now, showing concern he couldn’t hide at your current state. But there was still that fire behind them that you’d learned was purely Jake. And it made your heart thump a little harder in your chest.

-🌼🌼🌼-

The tiredness was unreal. You honestly couldn’t remember the last time you were so fucking exhausted. Everything that had been happening recently–the therapy, telling Josh that you were pregnant with his twin’s baby, being pregnant with said baby (and worrying that you weren’t), taking sixteen-fucking-hours of classes. . . it had been a lot. That much was obvious as hell. 

And tonight had been emotionally taxing for sure. . . and knowing you, you knew it was more than extremely possible that the emotions alone had been what’d finally done you in. Drained you for all you were worth.

Well, that, and the lack of food in your system. And the persistent barfing.

You'd been poring over the resources that Dr. Rose had given you access to. And, one of the links on their site had informed you that it was extremely possible for the fatigue to peak around this point of the pregnancy–ten to twelve weeks.

And considering you were right about at 12 or so, it was on the mark.

But when you’d read that, you hadn’t been expecting the feeling to be similar to that of being weighed down to the Earth by heavy-ass lead. You were dying to fall into bed and sleep off the exhaustion–right after taking a measly Tylenol for the pounding headache that’d been burgeoning for the past several minutes. 

All you could do at this specific moment, though, was focus on driving–and pulling into the apartment complex with as much precision as possible. The pain in your head was beginning to make your vision blurry and the things around you waved in ways you knew they weren’t supposed to. Goddamn. 

You finally made it to your parking space–by the grace of some higher entity. But, as soon as you tried to move to get out, everything around you began to spin at an accelerated speed. Moaning, you brought two shaking hands up to your eyes as you closed them. You started to count to ten, trying your best to take deep breaths–but even that was getting hard to do. Fuck. 

Finding your motherfucking bearings was proving to be a task and a half. 

And your head was just fucking throbbing relentlessly. 

“Dammit,” you groaned again, the words slurring just a bit. 

Somehow, though, you were able to make the trek from your car to the complex’s staircase–so close, yet so far, from your place. But you could feel the way your heart was thrumming quickly in your chest—just pounding against your ribcage from the basic action of walking.

Everything began waving around you again. You felt like you were floating and your head was becoming lighter and lighter by the second; the only reminder that it housed a brain was the raging, convulsing feeling in your skull. 

Your vision was incredibly blurry at best, as you looked from the base of the stairs, all the way up to the top. The top of the stairs was hardly visible. 

Shit. How the fuck am I going to climb these steps like this?

But, you weren’t able to contemplate it for much longer before everything started fading more and more, until you felt yourself falling and all you saw was a black abyss.

-🌼🌼🌼-

The hand you felt holding yours was the only thing that weighed you down to the white room. The other things that you immediately noticed: the sound of steady beeping (which was incessant) and the smell of antiseptic and bleach wafting from the bedding. 

The bed itself felt reminiscent of high quality cardboard, but the sheets were warmer than you would’ve expected. 

Letting your body relax back into the warm, polycotton sheets, you began to drift back to wherever you’d been. But you felt something hold you to the present. It was the someone with the hand who was helping to keep you conscious. The thumb that swept purposefully across the back of your hand tied you to the real world before you could escape to the one behind your eyelids.

Then you felt the hand holding yours squeeze the slightest bit tighter. Your lids were heavy when you squinted them open–immediately hating the way the fluorescent lighting assaulted your irises. You didn’t know if it was possible, but you were damned sure you could feel your pupils adjusting to the overbearing beams from the bulbs. 

Moaning, you reached your free hand up to cover your eyes. And when you did, you noticed the influx of tubes, taped to and sticking out of your hand. Specifically, the needle connected directly to your vein. What the fuck was going on?

Amidst your confusion, you finally processed who the hand was connected to as you heard his voice.

“Yes, yes,” Josh said in response to something. You noticed that he was seeming to squeeze your hand in little pulsing intervals. When you squeezed back to indicate you were awake, his eyes were immediately on you, abandoning his conversation. “Y/n? Oh, fuck,” his voice was thick with emotion. His gaze became wet as he checked your face over. “I was so worried about you.”

You didn’t know what to say, since you weren’t really sure why you were here or what had happened to get you here. . . All you could remember was being tired and dizzy with a pounding in your head. 

You tried to speak, but it was in vain, as your throat was dry as fuck. All that came from your lips was a measly croak. But, thankfully, Josh was immediately coming to your rescue with one of the hospital’s giant plastic cups, filled to the brim with water. He held the straw to your lips and you sat up a little to have better leverage to take a drink. To your surprise, the pounding in your head was gone, and there was no dizziness accompanying your movements. 

And no nausea – best part of all.

As soon as the water slipped past your lips, you shut your eyes in utter relief. Water had never tasted so good. You weren’t sure if water even had a taste, but at that moment, you swore it did and that it tasted like liquid gold would. 

Once you’d had enough for the moment, almost draining the large cup, you backed away and leaned into the pillows that awaited behind you. 

Sighing in relief, you tried to say words again. And this time, it worked. “What’s going on?” You slowly spoke, your head still feeling slightly airy. You let your eyes trail to Josh’s, questioning him. “Why am I here?”

Then, you started panicking. You shot up from where you’d settled against the pillows, clutching your stomach. The IV’s connected to your hand pulled at your skin, stinging. You ignored the pain though, and felt your tummy. It was still round, but obviously that didn’t mean– oh no. Your deepest fears came to life in your head, piece by terrifying piece. The baby. 

“Oh, fuck, Josh,” you said, your eyes were wild and immediately drew wetness, which ran steadily down your cheeks. No no no no no. “The baby? Is the baby–? Oh–.”

“Yes, yes,” Josh shushed you, running his free hand over the top of your head. “The baby is fine. Already checked and looks the same as it did a few days ago,” his eyes shone with reassurance. “Nothing is wrong with the baby.”

“Heartbeat?”

“Steady as can be.”

You felt your lungs fill with air again. “Okay,” you breathed out, leaning back into the pillows once more. “Okay.”

“But you on the other hand,” he started, his brow raising and eyes burning into yours. “You need to be giving yourself proper attention, mama.”

“I—?” You shook your head. You knew you weren’t the most attentive to yourself, but you’d tried very hard to be more self-serving recently in some regards. Longer showers, Friends, Cosmic Brownies (RIP) and pickles, therapy (if that counted). . . “I’ve been trying. . .” 

But the vomiting is proving some of that to be impossible, Joshua, you thought silently, snidely.

“What your friend is trying to tell you,” the doctor began. Your eyes shifted to her, an older woman with delicate features whose gray hair was pushed back by a pair of readers. Then her brows wrinkled. “Well—friend? Father of the baby?”

You both spoke at the same time.

“Oh, no—.”

“Not me,” Josh corrected with a laugh, his smile bright and humored underneath his new mustache. “That’s my brother’s baby in there.”

Ridiculously, you began to blush at hearing Josh say it out loud. You were learning that any time it came from his lips, it made your breath catch in your chest just a little.

Jake’s baby. 

“Oh, my apologies,” she smiled, her crows feet wrinkling, voice wise with years of experience. “I just wanted to proceed using the correct title to address you. Speaking of which, I am Dr. Stevens. It’s nice to meet you, Miss y/n.”

“Same to you,” you answered with a tiny, unsure smile and nod. “Thank you.”

Dr. Stevens hummed, then came to sit on the end of the bed, same side as Josh. You eyed her curiously as her expression turned a touch more serious. “Miss y/n,” she said, sounding like you’d imagine a caring mother would. “You are here because your iron was frighteningly low,” she said, concerned and checking your chart. “If it had gone untreated one more night, you would have been incredibly ill and unable to function properly at all come morning.”

“What?” You asked, shocked. Anemia wasn’t a new thing to you, you’d always had it. How had it intensified so quickly? “I mean, sure, I’ve always had mild anemia. Just kind of a thing that’s been there . . .haven’t thought about it in years, actually,” (because of some damn triggering, buried memories attached to it). “But I’ve never had – it’s never been as. . . Intense as this,” you held up your hand that was covered in tape and inserted tubes.

“Well, honey, you’re carrying a baby now who also needs those vital nutrients to help it develop,” she counseled. “And proper hydration,” she reminded. You nodded, eyes zoned in on your hands, full with pieces of plastic and tape, and not her face. When Dr. Stevens spoke next, her voice was the most stern it’d been so far. “And prenatal vitamins– those are essential for you and the baby.”

Your eyes flicked up to hers. The way she pierced you with her stare made you lean back like a scolded puppy. Your tail would have been between your legs if you had one.

Why hadn’t you bought any damned prenatals yet? Fuck all.

“Yes ma’am. I don’t know why I haven’t been taking–,” you tried, huffing. You were ashamed of yourself. “God, I feel bad,” you placed two hands on your tummy and looked down at it through the hospital gown you’d been changed into. “How has all of it not harmed the baby?”

“Well, again, tomorrow would have been a completely different story had you not been rushed in tonight,” she reminded, talking you through it slowly. “But we’ve got fluids pumping through you to get you back to normal.” She motioned to Josh, you looked at him with a small smile that he reciprocated. “And your friend has promised to take you for a prenatal run tomorrow morning. To find the ones that you feel might suit you best.” Dr. Stevens smiled, looking over at your bedside table. Your eyes followed, seeing the small medicine bottle sitting there, waiting for you. “For now, I have a couple ready to send home with you,” she assured.

“I’ve never been the best at prioritizing my health,” you mumbled, messing with a loose thread on the hospital gown. Josh held the hand that was anxiously picking at the material, making you stop. You looked over to see his kind, encouraging eyes. “I have ingrained my brain with several unhealthy, learned habits,” you admitted, finally looking at Dr. Stevens again. “So I guess this was a reality check of sorts. That it’s not just me anymore. I can’t just ignore what I need to acknowledge.”

You didn’t know what was inspiring the constant flow of transparently deep emotions to all of these unknown people in your life, but you weren’t totally opposed to it anymore. 

Dr. Stevens’ face contorted to show that she had sympathy. You were relieved. But when she spoke next, her voice was firm. “You’re right. This baby is forcing you to take care of yourself so he or she can survive and come out healthy and happy. I believe this baby is teaching you some proper life skills. But you need to be eating well to help this child have a good, healthy time in the womb. . .help him or her thrive at this vital stage in its life.”

God. She was right. You had seen the words Failure to Thrive on multiple sources you’d checked out about pregnancy. . . .always just skimmed past them, as it didn’t seem to pertain to you. But, of course it did. The vomiting. Not taking prenatals (seriously, what the fuck, y/n?). The lack of eating anything (save for the baby pickles). . .

You’d been so in your head about the present state of your health that you hadn’t taken nearly enough time to consider the baby. 

“I’ve just never been bad about eating. This is new,” you confided. “And it’s just gotten worse this past week or so. . . I haven’t been able to eat. Everything has made me want to vomit.” Then you decided to add, “Well, everything besides pickles. They’ve been my only source of any nutrients – which I know is pathetic, by the way – I just–just can’t even be in the same room as most food, much less eat it.”

“You’re experiencing a severe case of hyperemesis gravidarum, which is just a fancy way of saying that you’re excessively vomiting during your pregnancy. It’s due to a drastic change in hormones. Your HCG levels are through the roof, where they’re usually not. Most women just have to suffer through it,” she said in response, handing you sheet with the fancy medical term at the top. “That is an information sheet. Keeps you informed on the ins and outs of why you might be experiencing it.” She sighed before going on. “It will pass, honey. Give it a few more weeks and you should be over the worst of it – if not before. But being anemic makes it that much worse,” she explained, flipping her readers over her eyes and looking through the papers on her fancy clipboard. “You’ve just gotta stay on top of those preexisting conditions.”

“And not taking the prenatals. . .,” she scolded, making you look up from scanning the sheet. She gave you a look. “Is what has you in this condition. You should also be taking an additional iron supplement. I’m. . . sure you didn’t tell your OB about your previous anemia?” She wondered aloud. 

“No,” you murmured. “I really haven’t seen it present itself since I was really young. And it wasn’t really severe. . . at least I don’t think,” you rubbed your forehead, suddenly experiencing several sad moments in time. From a long time ago. So, once again, you bared your heart and explained.  “There are things from my childhood that I’ve forgotten. And even though I do actually know I experienced bouts of it during that time, I haven’t ever really acknowledged it because I just kind of forced myself to forget about it.”

Really, for some godforsaken reason, thinking about your anemia only brought back very unwelcome flashes of your mother’s house. . . and other dirty places you didn’t want to think about. Hence why you’d blocked it out.

Josh squeezed your hand– tried to bring you back.

Thankfully, Dr. Stevens continued before the thoughts could take over. “I am sorry, honey,” she said, empathetic. But, she continued on professionally. “The hard truth is that some of the things that have always sort of laid dormant can come back with a raging force during pregnancy. . . simply considering that the pregnancy is essentially a revamp on your body,” she paused when you chuckled at the word ‘revamp’. Yeah, right. She smirked at it, too. “I know, funny word choice. Doesn’t always feel like you’re revamping,” she flipped to the next page in her chart. “What I mean is, things can come back up and be bigger–stronger–than before. One more thing that is changing and increasing in your body. Medical conditions from the past may come back and get more ‘intense’,” she winked at you, using your word from earlier. “But, it’s important: now that the anemia has shown itself again – so aggressively –  at a time that your body is already very vulnerable. . .” She sighed, flipping her readers back into her dark gray hair before unclipping a paper from the chart and handing it to you. “It’s time we get a handle on all of it before it possibly shows its ugly face again.”

The sheet she handed you included several foods that you could eat to remedy the morning sickness. Some of which had made you feel like puking – or actually puke. But, there were a few things you didn’t have at home. Boring, bland foods. Things you just never bought. A few fruits and vegetables. . .

And a shit ton of vitamins.

“A lot of plain Jane stuff on there, I know. And vitamins, vitamins, vitamins,” she acknowledged. “But those supplements and bland diet are what will see you through the dark ages of this morning sickness. We need to treat that first. And then, you should be able to ease yourself into other foods and get your iron levels healthy again for you and your baby. Please focus on following that guide of foods and vitamins and just call my extension – which I attached to the top of that sheet – if you have any issues.” 

She then passed one more sheet over to you and added one more piece of information. “This sheet will include the Hemoglobin Kit I’ve ordered for you and it will be sent to the address your friend provided for us within the next few days. Please be using it to check your hemoglobin levels. Hemoglobin is the main component of red blood cells–a protein– that we need to see at normal levels. I’ve included where your levels should be on that sheet. They should never be too low or too high. Please read the information on the sheet and in the kit to answer any additional questions you may have. This will help you to track of how your levels are doing and if your anemia is spiking again,” she said, her voice seeming to drone on and on in your ears. “And again, call if you have any questions or concerns.”

As you continued reading through the paper, she unclipped another and handed it over to you.

You really were thankful for the documents, really, but dear god there were a lot of them. Virtually and physically. From your OB visit and tonight. It was overwhelming . . . made your skin feel tight and overheated.

It was also a lot of information for you to over-fucking-think. 

I’ll have to take them to Gia. She’ll help me sort through them, you reassured yourself, taking a deep breath in and out to calm the nerves. 

“And the morning sickness should. . . pass sooner rather than later?” Josh’s question broke through your reverie. Your eyes shut to refocus on the present moment and not the papers.

“It should, yes. For most women, it does,” the graying doctor confirmed. “You’re. . .how far along? I’d estimate about eleven, maybe twelve weeks?”

“Yes,” you nodded. “Twelve weeks according to my OB.”

“Yep. You should only have a few weeks – or less – left. Just try the foods on that sheet. The vitamins. Stay hydrated. There are several recommended supplements the sheet provides. You can find most all of them on Amazon.” 

You handed the sheets over to Josh, needing them away from you for the time being. You needed to be in the now. Needed to focus on anything else the aging, wise doctor may need to say. 

To put it plainly, tonight’s event landing you in the hospital had you scared shitless. And learning as much as possible from her would hopefully wind up putting your mind at ease. . . though, at this moment, it just had your heart rate increasing rather quickly.

She eyed the monitor next to your bed, moving closer to it as she observed something. “There goes that heart rate again,” she squinted at the vitals once more before pushing her glasses into her hair. She looked down at her chart, her lips pursing and readers going back on as she checked it over. “That’s another thing I want to address,” she hummed, sitting next to your legs, facing you and Josh from her seat. “Have you been under a lot of stress lately? A major change? Besides the baby? Mentally, perhaps? Emotionally?” She questioned. “Because while your iron levels were scarily low, your heart rate was also dramatically high. Which, yes, is related to the iron levels. . . but, I thought I’d go ahead and check as more often than not, it can pertain to an extreme amount of stress your heart is under from other sources.”

You stuttered out a response that involved you beginning therapy for the first time in years. You tried to touch on how you were experiencing a lot of emotions around what you would eventually be talking about in therapy. . . how you’d already bared your heart to Gia and opened up every single gate possible to effectively begin therapy. 

“I wanted to do it. Still do," you explained, needing Dr. Stevens to know that. “I would do it all over again right now if I needed to. She’s already helped me so much – after only one session, just with me basically projectile vomiting my past and emotions all over the room.” You took a breath, before finishing. “It doesn’t make it any less difficult though. It hurts. Physically, it hurts to talk about it all. I know it will all come together in the end. I trust the process–I trust my therapist. But it was extremely taxing – on top of everything else I’m feeling right now.” You glanced over at Josh before adding, “The baby’s father is. . . he’s just. . .”

“A lot,” Josh finished with a half-chuckle. “He’s a very good guy. He’s just a lot.”

“I have a lot of feelings about everything happening in my life right now, I’ll just say that,” you ventured to tell her. “And I had somewhat of a handle on my anxiety and depression before I got pregnant, but it’s also been something to resurface in a brand new way with the pregnancy hormones. Without me even knowing it sometimes. And before I know it, my heart is actually hurting my chest from the amount of pressure I’m putting myself under.”

Josh scooted his chair over closer to you and wrapped one of your hands in two of his, holding on tightly.

“It hasn’t all really clicked until now. . . that all of it might be related to my. . . issues,” you confirmed aloud, peeking over at Josh just briefly before looking back to Dr. Stevens. You’d just spilled your entire heart and it was making you feel extremely uneasy. God, she hadn’t asked to hear all of that. “I’m so sorry about spilling all of whatever that was,” you waved your hands around before combing them through your hair, trying to breathe deep breaths. You found her eyes, which you now realized were green. “I really–god, fuck. I’m– that was a lot for you to hear and you didn’t ask for the whole–.”

“I needed to hear it all,” she consoled you, tapping a comforting hand on the top bed sheet, rather than your leg. “It helps me assess the situation. . . and from what I’ve heard, it sounds like the most probable cause of you fainting tonight was due to the iron deficiency and your heart.” She assessed the numbers on the blinking monitor yet again. “It just hasn’t slowed much since you’ve been here, sweetie. Even with the medications we’ve given you to temporarily alleviate it, it’s still been sitting at around 120 beats per minute. And since you’ve been awake, it’s spiked enough to cause some concern to this doctor.”

As she expressed her concern again for your thrumming heart, (which you had noticed an increase in it’s pounding as of late) it began beating a little harder once again, causing an unpleasant tightness within your sternum. You winced. 

Josh noted the change almost as quickly as you did. His hands that held onto yours began squeezing even tighter, the skin of his palms now wet and clammy. He brought your hand, wrapped in his, up to his chin. The hair on his chin was unfamiliar to the last time you’d touched his face (who even knew when you last did that), but it still felt familiar enough against your knuckles to calm some of your nerves.

You couldn’t help but look at him with wide, fearful eyes. His eyes were steady on you, his attention only breaking from you to look at Dr. Stevens with a nonverbal note of worry for you. 

She stood from the bed and came to stand beside you, inserting the buds to the stethoscope around her neck, and held the circular part to your back. “Cough for me, sweetie,” she told you, her calm demeanor forcing you to come back from your momentary freak out. “Make it a big one.”

You found it to be an odd request, but you weren’t in any place to question this doctor who had shown you nothing but kindness. And offered help when you, apparently, so desperately needed it.

You did as she said, and forced the best cough you could muster. It instantly relieved the tension in your chest, even lowered your heart rate a bit as you watched the blinking numbers begin to drop on the screen. 

“Wh-what was that? Am I having a heart attack?” You felt silly asking her that. . .but you didn’t know any better, it may as well have been your body plummeting straight into a cardiac arrest. 

This was all a lot, and now you were very hyper aware of every little change in your heart that you felt, saw, or heard from the screen.

She chuckled softly, taking the stethoscope away from her ears, hanging once again around her neck. She watched your vitals intently as the blood pressure cuff attached to your left arm (that you hadn’t noticed yet) began squeezing you rather uncomfortably. 

“You’re not having a heart attack, my dear. Not even close,” she reassured. Although, you still felt the worry present in the pit of your tummy that you were unknowingly clutching again. “I am no stranger to the intense effects of anxiety. I’ve seen it time and time again. I think that was a big part of the palpitation episode you experienced a few minutes ago and the persistent increase in your heart rate I've seen so far tonight. However, I would like to conduct a little further testing. Just want to be sure your heart is nice and strong – for you and for the baby.”

You felt the air from Josh’s lungs release against your knuckles as he let out the breath he must’ve been holding, squeezing your hand just as tight as before. As terrified as you were, his presence provided the safety net your spirit needed to not be thrown back in a massive panic attack. 

She sat down on the bed next to you once again, her kind eyes offering little comfort right now as you start to feel overwhelmed with the sudden discovery of so many things that were apparently wrong with your body.

“If you can remember, have you ever been rather sensitive to the heat? Maybe suffered from heat strokes during your youth?” 

Her question had your mind yet again returning to your past that had been kept securely behind a locked door with no key. A place you didn’t venture often. 

But it did bring forth some hazy recollections of your days as a child, playing outside in the thick,  dry summer heat. How you couldn’t stand to be out in it for very long without feeling. . . faint. And dizzy. So fucking dizzy. 

A long since forgotten trait of yours that you never thought to pay any mind to. 

“Um– yeah, actually. Now that I think about it, Summers were always a challenge. I couldn’t stand being outside for much longer than a few minutes some days without feeling like I could pass out or throw up,” you huffed a humorless laugh at the memories playing back in your head. Miserable times. “It was. . .fucking awful.” 

You’d suddenly started to remember all the times you felt faint as a child. But it wasn’t always from the rise in temperature. Sometimes, it was from the stresses your mom tossed your way, the fights, the troubles that brewed in your home. It became more and more clear that fainting was most definitely not new to you. You just couldn’t remember. 

“Okay,” Dr. Stevens continued, her hand now patting your shin as she seemed to pick up on the unease of remembering your past. “What about when you go to stand up after a period of being seated or lying down, does your vision become a bit obscured at times? Like you’re seeing stars? Tunneled vision, maybe?”

“I mean, y-yeah,” you stuttered. “Sometimes. But it doesn't last for very long. Doesn’t everybody experience that, though?”

You had no clue where she was going with all of these questions— questions that she seemingly already knew the answers to. Of what it all meant, you weren’t sure. But you knew you needed her to cut to the chase soon before you began plummeting even further down the anxious path you’d started paving. 

“What does it mean? Is this something I should be worried about?” You asked through newly developed tears you had no control over. 

Your mind was running rampant with only one singular thought: the baby. What does this mean for the baby? 

“You don’t need to worry, sweetie. This is actually a lot more common than you think.”

She stood up from the bed, unclipping one more piece of paper from the board she’d been holding prior to sitting down. She handed it over to you, the paper weighing your hand down with what you were to find on it. 

But before you could begin to worry about what was on it, she was explaining it to you.

“That sheet is going to inform you on the ins and outs of Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, most commonly referred to as POTs,” she seriously informed, her eyebrows dipping to show concern for your worries that you knew were painted all over your face. 

“That’s a funny name,” Josh giggled, the breath from the laugh he’d let out fanned against your knuckles. “Like pots and pans. . . you know?”

You wanted to slap him because, shut the fuck up, Josh, now is not the time, but. . . try as you might, it actually calmed you down a bit. You couldn’t help the tiny ghost of a grin that floated over your lips.

Dr. Stevens glared at him, causing him to stop his little joke, before she continued on. “POTs,” she enunciated the name while flashing her eyes to Josh, “is nothing to be concerned with, but it is a valid heart condition that does require a bit more testing to confirm if it’s present or not. Just to be safe.” 

You peered down at the sheet in front of you and the bolded print that you tried so fucking hard to not be too overwhelmed by. It wasn’t the worst possible condition, but it was still a fucking heart condition that you could possibly have. And with everything else that’d happened tonight and your current life predicament. . . it was causing your head to spin.

Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) is a condition that causes a number of symptoms when you transition from lying down to standing up, such as a fast heart rate, dizziness and fatigue. While there’s no cure, several treatments and lifestyle changes can help manage the symptoms of POTS.

As you read the small print across the page, she told you exactly what it was she suspected you had. “To put it plainly, your heart can’t pump blood quickly enough to your body, resulting in a higher heart rate and a lower blood pressure that can sometimes cause you to faint.” She came close to your bedside again, “If you don’t mind, I am going to need to listen to your heart again.” 

It took you a bit to come to, but when you did, you finally nodded in response. She placed the cold end of the stethoscope against your chest while securing the buds in her ears to listen to you.

“This, combined with your lack of eating that caused the extremely low iron levels could have developed from your pregnancy. Although, I’m willing to bet they’ve been present your entire life. Certain instances can trigger them. Stress, severe anxiety, or pregnancy. In your case, dear, I’d say it’s all of the above. A bit of a trifecta, you could say. The ingredients for the perfect, terrifying storm.” 

“Jesus, mama," Josh breathed, his lips faintly brushed over your knuckles as he continued to hold your hand close to his face. “You have got to start taking care of yourself. I can’t stand to see you like this.”

You knew that. God, you knew that. It had always been easier said than done. But it was no longer all about you anymore; the moment the life began growing within you, it gave you a newfound motivation to take care of yourself for the little life you were now responsible for.

“What other testing needs to be done?” You asked. You were hesitant of what her answer would be, but if it provided a step in the right direction towards becoming the healthiest version of yourself that you could possibly be, you were all ears.

“There’s a specific test, a tilt table test, that must be done to provide us with a little more insight to the specifics of your case. However, it’s not safe to perform it while you're pregnant,” she explained. “So for now, I’m just going to send in for a heart monitor that will be delivered to your house in the next week or so. You’ll wear it for four weeks and that'll give us plenty of information in the meantime. I’m also going to refer you to one of the best cardiologists we have on staff here.”

A heart monitor? That sounded utterly terrifying to you. 

“I am also going to insist that you keep track of your hemoglobin levels daily,” she continued. “You can also buy your own blood pressure cuff to partner with the hemoglobin kit we have set to deliver at your doorstep. You should be able to apply your insurance to the purchase of the blood pressure cuff, if you decide to include that step as well,” Stevens took a deep breath before going on. “Keep a daily journal to log your numbers. Just a notebook to track your blood pressure and hemoglobin levels. It’s vital that you do these things, y/n. Fainting like this can not be a normal occurrence. It’s not good for you or the baby.” When she spoke next, you felt your heart leap into your throat. “The lasting effects on you or the fetus could be life threatening if you’re not careful. . . could be terribly detrimental to the baby’s development—specifically his or her little body or brain development.”

Life threatening. Detrimental. Baby’s development. Little body or brain development.

You heard your heart rate go up on the monitor, but you weren’t about to freak yourself out any further by looking at the changing numbers. You literally felt your pulse quicken and your breath become shallow in your throat as you struggled to take full breaths.

Focus on the now. Focus on what is real. What is right now. Baby is not in trouble yet. 

You have time.

You brought a thumb and middle finger up to your temple, rubbing away furiously to relieve the oncoming headache that had been simmering at the surface for the past several minutes. Your other hand found its home on your swollen belly.

It was all so overwhelming–staggering, really, and you weren’t prepared for any of it in the slightest. 

But, then again, how would someone prepare? You felt as if you were living in a brand new body, much different from the one you’d lived your whole life in up to this point. There was so fucking much out of your control and unknown. It was all pushing down, heavily, on your already-tense shoulders.

“Relax, mama,” Josh sensed your tension, and knowing you as well as he did, he knew it was time to start helping you articulate the right questions. He brushed his thumb across the back of your hand as he calmly asked, “What do we need to do if her numbers aren’t. . . normal? What are some measures we can take to get them to where they need to be?” 

The fact that he was willing to stand alongside you during this whole thing, that he wanted to, it was such a comforting thing to know at this moment. Not that you had any doubt in your mind, but hearing him say something as simple as ‘we’. . . it just warmed your heart completely. 

“Lots of fluids,” she answered through a sincere smile. “And an increase in your salt intake to help your body maintain those fluids.” She handed you yet another sheet and sat back down next to you, looking you in the eye with a stern, motherly expression. “That should help you out with foods to eat and fluids to drink, in addition to the sheet from earlier. But, honey, you need to change your diet. It’s essential that you incorporate healthy eating habits at this point in your pregnancy. After you’ve gotten your body accustomed to the bland foods on the other list I’ve supplied you, you need to start adding lots of iron heavy foods to your meals. Meats, leafy greens, rice. . . things of that nature.” She searched your eyes, hers kind and knowledgeable from years in the field. “Alright?”

You nodded your head in confirmation, wondering how the hell you were going to make that happen with the way normal food left you utterly disgusted at the present time. 

“We’ll make sure of that, doc,” Josh responded in your place, throwing a wink at you as he knew damn well how horrible your food aversions had been. 

“M-my therapy,” you found your voice. “It’s going to be intense. It will cause my body stress.” Dr. Stevens looked at you quizzically before you went on, “It’s called EMDR therapy. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing; although, I’m sure you’ve heard of it in your profession. I don’t know all of the logistics yet, but I know it’s not a conventional form of therapy. What do I do if I wish to continue that? Should I continue it?”

“It should be safe, as long as you make sure to have a thorough discussion with your therapist after each session. That is dire in helping your body and your mind process it all in a healthy manner. In order to have a healthy body, you must also take care of your mind, especially in those circumstances. I do want you to consult with your therapist over how much stress you’ll be able to handle at any given time. Don’t let your mind go too far. If you have a good therapist, they’ll know the signs if you’ve had enough, though, don’t be afraid to tell them.” 

If there was one thing you did know about all this uncertainty, it was that you could trust Gia to not lead you astray, or towards anything that would be detrimental to your mental health. 

Dr. Stevens smiled, her clipboard once again tight in her grip before she stepped further to the curtained room you were shielded by. “Do you have any more questions?” 

Josh glanced at you, waiting for you to say anything or waiting for you to communicate something for him to say on your behalf. You were sure you had questions, but you were just fucking flooded with stress to the point that all you wanted to do was sleep. . . just ready to get home.

Also, seeing as it was an emergency room, the idea was to get patients in and out. Wasn’t supposed to be the length of a standard visit. 

You’d taken up too much of her time.

So, you shook your head at Josh and then looked to Dr. Stevens to tell her no thank you.

And when you did, you glanced down at the name on her coat and the name of the hospital stitched into the white fabric. You hadn’t even noticed. . . .  Cedars-Sinai.

Same hospital I’ll have the baby at, if all goes according to plan, you suddenly realized, the thought bringing you a weird sense of peace. And it will go according to plan.

-🌼🌼🌼-

Josh went about gathering up all of the documents that had been handed to you and the prenatal pills provided as a nurse came in to disconnect all of your tubes and shit. He'd waited outside the curtain. and asked the nurse a few more questions as you'd changed back into your clothes.

And on the ride home, he’d put on peaceful music over the speaker of the car. He was used to doing it when you rode in his car as you hated riding in it. But tonight? Tonight you found comfort in the hunk of creaking metal. 

Because it meant you were going home. 

When you got home, Josh helped you up to the apartment and went about opening the front door and setting up your bed for you. All while you brushed your teeth, pulled up your hair that smelled like hospital, and changed into your comfiest PJs. 

Just as he’d tucked you in and was about to leave, you pulled on his hand and begged for him to stay. You really didn’t want to be alone for the night, mumbling as much to him. 

So, like the perfect friend he was, he set up a pallet on the floor as you tossed him a pillow from your bed. 

And to your solace, sleep found you as soon as your head hit the satin of your pillowcase. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

November 14, 2022

Every Monday being your therapy day was honestly the perfect way to start your week. You’d decided that on the way to the counseling practice on the chilly November afternoon of your second appointment.

You already knew it would be like it had been before. Before, (on your first and only other visit before today’s) it had just felt like a breath of fresh air to talk to a licensed professional like Gia. She was just fucking amazing. And you knew every week would be like before: a fresh start with a confidant who could give you killer fucking advice. A little date of sorts with a licensed professional who was positively eager to help you get through your week (life, generally) the best you possibly could.

Well, at least your therapist was eager to do that. 

Even as you sat on her trendy, camel-colored leather couch for your second appointment, you felt completely comfortable and at ease with Gia. She had already become one of your favorite people. 

You’d spent the first thirty minutes or so filling her in on telling Josh, your first prenatal exam (also showed her the sonogram pictures, which she’d loved), and the emergency visit. No details had been spared and you made sure she had time to give you any advice or words of wisdom she deemed necessary. But she’d really just let you have the floor and talk. 

Once you wrapped up your scary details from the night of the E.R., handed over all of the documents you wanted to sort through with her, and talked through them until you felt more ease about all of the anemia and heart shit, she’d looked at you seriously. 

Pinned you with a stare, her eyes sparkling like emeralds as she thoughtfully assessed you. 

She sat down her tea, and then wheeled herself over to you. Her oversized sweater was a turtle neck that matched the color of her couch, and the too-long sleeves of it touched your hands as she grasped them loosely in her hands. “Y/n,” she began, peering at you openly through her circular, wire framed-lenses, “We do not have to do EMDR. I want to remind you, it is entirely up to you if you choose to go that route. If you are fearful of it causing too much stress, I understand wanting to venture down another therapeutic route.”

“No,” you shook your head, a small smile curled the corner of your lips to reassure her. “I want to do it. I believe it’s what will work best to get to the heart of things. Don’t you?”

“Yes,” she agreed, brow knitted. “I just don’t want you to feel any unnecessary stress during this vulnerable time in your life.”

“As long as you promise to help me wrap it all up with a good talk at the end of each appointment,” you suggested with hope evident in your tone. “To wrap it up as much as we can for me to make it through the week.”

She grinned. “I can do that,” she affirmed with one certain nod, her loose bun, full of her soft blonde hair bounced with the action. “Did the doctor recommend continuing it?”

“Yep. Said it shouldn’t be an issue if we manage to discuss it all at the end of each session,” you offered. “Doesn’t want me carrying around anything unresolved that could make my stress levels increase.”

“Well, that’s definitely doable,” she confirmed with a wide grin. Scooting back, she grabbed her tea from the repurposed desk in the corner of her office before propping her ankle on top of her bent knee. “So, if you do wish to continue with EMDR, I’ll go ahead and explain it a little better than I have yet.”

“I do,” you said as a final agreement. “What should I know before we start?”

So, Gia proposed EMDR and all of the benefits that could come from the specific form of therapy. You listened to every detail readily. Were you scared? Yes. Were you anxious to begin? Also yes. It was intriguing and a little exciting to be so close to finally diving deep into the curves and corners of your mind and memories. 

Once she’d finished with that, she was rolling her chair back over to you and placing her elbows on the ends of her thighs as she bent to talk intimately with you. When she spoke, the smell of spearmint on her breath was oddly calming. “There’s something I feel I should mention before we begin. A bit of a warning that you should heed. Some clients experience this, some don’t. But something to be aware of, nonetheless.” 

Your eyes widened at her use of the word ‘warning,’ and her sudden change in tone made you believe this was something a little more serious. You knew there were risks involved with this somewhat unconventional form of therapy, but you hadn’t let yourself delve into all of them just yet. You had tried your best to leave the ball in Gia’s court to explain it all to you. 

And you knew that anything deemed risky, Gia would let you know of them before you agreed. Any online research wouldn't be nearly as viable as it would be coming straight from Gia’s mouth. 

Still yet, your heart beat just a little faster in preparation for whatever she had to tell you.

Deep breaths, y/n.

“Tell me,” you asserted. In search of some extra comfort, you placed a hand on your belly, the pulse vibrating in your palm also immediately triggered the fear in you that your heart was possibly over exerting itself.

Deep. Breaths. Gia’s got this. She won’t let you do anything too risky to your health. She wouldn’t let you.

“Some people report experiencing rather intense flashbacks that can come unannounced. And when I say intense, I truly mean just that, y/n. If they come, they can be debilitating.” 

This was the first you had seen her eyes downturned, a picture of worry painted within her emerald green irises. “There have also been accounts of severe nightmares—well, more along the lines of night terrors. The kind that can wake you up in a panic. I just want you to be aware of these possibilities before we begin. I need you to promise me right now, that if these things do happen, you’ll call me. I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night or the middle of the day, you have to call me, and I will answer.” 

Middle of the day? They could come then, too? Shit.

“Is it. . .  really that serious?” You took a moment to ponder your question, not entirely sure what to make of it all just yet. (And you couldn’t help but wonder if Jake found out about these little occurrences during his research before bringing the idea up to you.)

“It can be,” she noted with a stern tone that sent yet another wave of anxiety through your tense muscles. “That’s why I need you to make me that promise. That isn’t something you should ever experience alone. As I said, it can be debilitating.”

Your mind began turning furiously with the thought of having to experience flashbacks. Would they be flashbacks to things you already remembered? Or worse. . . things you didn’t? Both?

If you were being honest with yourself, you knew the answer and it was honestly terrifying to you.

For a split second, you started to doubt whether or not this was the right solution for you. But, you couldn’t deny any longer that you did need the help. You had to be better. For you and for the life that was growing inside of you. The baby needed a healed mother. 

And you knew Gia was the perfect person to guide you through it. You trusted her, and that was something that has never come easily for you. 

“I’ll admit,” you began, still holding tight to your belly, reminding yourself of the growing reason why you needed to do this. “I’m nervous. But I still want to do it. I promise I’ll call you when— if— that happens. . . but, what if you’re not available?”

“Don’t be nervous. You’ve got this.” She flashed you her sparkling white teeth in a smile that put your spirit right back at ease. “And I do my best to answer. It’s my job as your therapist to see you through this. Some don’t take it as seriously as I do, but I know that you’ll need me in your corner and I’m happy to be there. I signed up for this, just like you did,” she grinned, once again using her feet to scoot her back to her desk, in her plush, light pink chair. “But, on the off chance I’m not able to answer, I would immediately contact someone you trust to see you through it. Hold you. Talk to you. Just be there with you. Whatever you need. Someone who would be willing to do that.” She opened her laptop before turning to you, an idea seeming to spark in her mind. “As a matter of fact, before our next session, why don’t you make it your assignment to think of the person you’ll go to in situations like that? Just one person for now and if you think of more, then double whammy.”

She winked, and you just sent a barely-there grin back to her in response. As she went about clicking open tabs on her computer, you knew you didn’t need until next session to think of your person. 

Because as soon as she started talking about that person, you were back in the hallway of your grandparents’ home – right outside your bedroom. And the person next to you right then and there. . . he was the one you wanted with you if the terrors hit. 

Not Josh. Not even Elsie. 

But Jake. 

Would he be okay with that though? Would it be worth asking him?

Gia was once again speaking as she clicked through a few buttons on her laptop. “Y/n? You okay, love?” 

You looked up, finding her eyes waiting for yours. “Oh–oh, yeah,” you stretched your lips to make the best smile you could. “Just being an overachiever and already brainstorming my person to contact.”

She hummed, giving you a sneaky smirk. “Does it happen to be a certain roommate of yours?”

Eyes bugging, you were shocked that she’d guessed. But were you really? She sorta kinda (definitely) knew the depths of your heart. She'd probably known who you’d want to pick as soon as you'd known it. 

Nodding sheepishly, you decided to ask, “Is that a bad idea?”

“I don’t believe so,” she assured. “From what you’ve told me about him, he seems like a pretty good guy and I think he’d be more than willing to help you if you needed him.”

“Really?”

“Really. It’s also super convenient because he lives with you,” she insisted with a final wink before she said, “Anything I might’ve forgotten will be in the PowerPoint I’m about to send to your email. But, I’ve gotta say, I’ve done it enough times with enough clients, I think I’ve covered every base for today.” A few beats of silence passed before she triumphantly pressed a button. “Aaand, sent!” 

Then, wheeling back over to you, her pristinely white Nikes made the smallest squeak on the stained concrete floor of her office. “Okay, so today,” she began. “How are we feeling?”

“Really good,” you confidently responded, wiping your palms against your leggings before a true smile fit to your features. “When will we start?”

“I think next session we will find your safe place,” she said with a raise of her brow. “I will explain what I mean by ‘safe place’ next time, and directly after, we will send you there. Try not to worry about it until then, okay?” She requested, eyes searching yours for an answer. To which, you nodded. She continued with a grin. “For today, I want to call it quits with the EMDR talk. . . Let you rest. Unless. . . you have any questions, of course. . . .”

You wracked your brain, and when you couldn’t think of anything immediately, you told her you didn’t have any questions. 

“Come with some next time if you think of any. And, my email is always open in between visits if needed–even if it’s just a minor inquiry you have,” she reminded. “Oh! And I’m not sure if I mentioned this yet. . . but, if we need to ever schedule an emergency visit over Zoom or in the office. . . that is also always, always on the table. I know that these things get heavy, and I want to be here for you through all of it, y/n.”

“Got it.”

Although, something did come to your mind as you were both standing to leave the session. You hadn’t given the question much thought in your own mind (shockingly). It had entered your wave of thought the day of your first prenatal appointment. When you’d asked Josh. 

But since then, your mind had been too preoccupied with everything else that had recently happened that this thought had been put on the backburner. 

But, you were curious what her opinion was on the matter, now that it had resurfaced. 

Right before she opened the door, delicate hand on the handle, you grew sweaty. But you needed to ask the question, because if you didn’t do it now, it would be tormenting you until next Monday. 

So, you asked her the same question you’d asked Josh.

“When should I tell Jake about the baby?”

She turned her shoulder, her eyes stern when she responded. “Soon. . . sooner rather than later. Just focus on what is real.”

Sooner rather than later. . . same exact words Josh had said.

-🌼🌼🌼-

It had been a long day of classes and the short shift at the Black and Gold after your classes had completely wiped you out. 

When you got home, all you’d wanted to do was take a nap to sleep off the exhaustion from the short day. Before pregnancy, you wouldn’t be hitting a wall so early in the day, but now that you were, you could hardly function after going nonstop for more than a few hours. 

Your body was functioning in overdrive, trying to produce enough energy to sustain two lives. . . and you were still getting used to it. Honestly, you weren’t sure you would ever get used to it.

But before your nap. . . you wanted to take some time to release some of the soreness in your changing body with a warm shower. You were sure to grab a towel from the dryer because, even though you knew Jake wasn’t supposed to be home for a few hours, you still didn’t want to risk him seeing you. The idea of him seeing any slight changes on your body made you cringe. You weren’t sure if you felt comfortable in your body yet, so you definitely didn’t want him seeing it. 

There was also the enormous, glaring factor of him seeing the changes and realizing what was going on. You really still just looked bloated (albeit very, very bloated). . . but you had a feeling that he would catch on. He’d gotten very used to what your body looked like for the better part of the summer, so you could see him noticing your stomach protruding more than it ever did before. 

He’d know. . . you just had a feeling.

After a day of trying to wear regular jeans, you’d decided it was a bad idea to wear your normal sized jeans anymore. The tight waistband had cut into your abdomen all day and squeezed you like a motherfucker. Thankfully, there’d been a lull in customers before the end of your shift, and the oversized sweater you’d worn had provided enough coverage for you to unbutton the jeans when you were alone in the store. 

But when you finally got to take them off, you breathed a sigh of relief to be out of the confines of the stiff clothing. And the big, fluffy sweater had gotten to be too warm by the end of your shift, so taking that off had also been extremely relieving as well. 

After you’d tied your hair back and heated the shower a little cooler than your usually steaming hot showers, you had to get used to the temperature as you stood and lathered up your belly, giving yourself your daily time to just observe how it was growing. Ever since your visit to the E.R., you’d become more conscientious of how it was growing.

You were new to this pregnancy thing. You didn’t know if it meant your baby was okay or not if your belly wasn’t growing at a certain rate.

To your utter relief, over the past few days, you had finally been able to eat more–following the lists of food Dr. Stevens had given you. You occasionally got nauseous, but the puking had limited significantly with the suggested bland, healthier foods and constant Ginger Ale (which you’d actually found much more delicious and helpful to your twisty stomach than Sprite). 

Then there were the Preggie Pops and the heaven-sent PregEase: both of which had been fucking life savers. (Both stayed safely locked away in your room, on a shelf in your closet, right next to where you’d pinned the sonogram pictures.)

Once you’d let the quick shower relax your muscles exactly like you’d needed, you took your time drying off. And once you’d washed your face and changed into bike shorts and a giant t-shirt, you weren’t so tired as before. So, you’d settled into the couch with your phone, a book, a fluffy blanket, and a delicious bowl of sweet red peppers and pretzels.

It had become a go-to snack as of late. 

You were looking forward to finishing the steamy romance that had popped up on your BookTok a few weeks back, but you wanted to look into BookTok reviews for the second book in the series before you finished the first. Just to prepare yourself. 

Though, when you opened your TikTok app, you didn’t look into the book. No, instead, you found your fingers searching ‘13 weeks pregnant’. You wanted to see how other women looked at this point in the game. You couldn’t help wanting to compare your progression to other women. It wasn’t a healthy course of action – you knew that. You just had to see. . . get an idea.

You saw a lot of videos of them talking about entering their second trimester. Which, like your Ovia app had already informed you today, you knew you had officially passed the first trimester. . . which was a massive thing to you. Passing the first trimester meant several exciting things. A few being: the chances of your baby surviving the pregnancy increased tenfold; the morning sickness started screeching to a halt (thank god); and you’d be able to find out the gender of your baby in a few short weeks.

Though, the other glaring thing at the front of your brain was how you needed to tell Jake. Because of the fact that you were already in your second trimester.

The main thing you were concerned about was staying healthy, though. . . you were really hoping you were doing okay at keeping yourself healthy; you needed your baby to be healthy. All of your numbers seemed to be getting back on the right track as you’d been tracking your hemoglobin for the past few days. It was all very comforting–-you felt better.

Just as you clicked on a video about symptoms at week 13, the front door opened to show Jake coming through. You quickly shut the app off and locked your phone, pretended to be reading as sweat accumulated in your arm and knee pits. (Lovely.) 

Though, you couldn’t help but turn your body to peek at him in his peacoat, with a scarf wrapped around his neck, and a beanie covering his ears. Much like he’d looked on the night of the macaroni and cheese and therapy talk. 

He had a little chill in his bones, it seemed, as he shook them out when taking off his coat and scarf. His hat was next, leaving his long hair staticky in its wake. He smoothed it back with one more chill before he was off to the counter, dropping off the mail and his keys. But he didn’t immediately go to his room. He went about opening a drawer, finding a pair of scissors and heading to the mail on the counter. 

You did notice a package now that you looked closer. And he was hurriedly going about cutting through the yellow protective packaging.

Out of nowhere, you decided to speak. No idea where it came from. Curiosity killed the cat was all you could come up with.

“Whatcha got there?” Whatcha got there? Okay, first of all, what the fuck?

He peered over at you, raising a brow before lifting the now-open package to display it to you. “New guitar part I ordered.”

“Oh,” you blinked, not sure what else you’d been expecting from him. Of course he wasn’t about to make pleasant conversation. Not when something had apparently climbed up his ass where you were concerned for the past several days. 

Once again, you were right back at square one at the most inopportune time. It made you question your idea to make him your go-to person for your expected night terrors. . . but you didn’t want to let go of the possibility yet. Not yet. 

“Have fun with that,” you offered, turning back around to the book you most definitely didn’t want to read at the present time. Instead, you took a nervous bite of a pepper. 

“Um, y/n,” he said your name with a question in his tone. “What the fuck is this?”

Your heart tripped over itself in your chest. What had he found? Without looking at him, you decided to just go ahead and get your ass off the couch to survey the situation. 

He was holding the box containing your heart monitor in his hands.

Fuck. You really didn’t want him to be privy to that part of your life. For whatever ridiculous reason, you were embarrassed by it. 

Deciding honesty was the best policy, you decided to just flat out tell him. “I went to the Emergency Room the other night,” you started. “And the doctor just wanted –.”

“The Emergency Room?!” His voice raised a decibel, obviously alarmed at the new information. “Wait . . . is that why Josh had to leave the bar–? The same night you were gone all night.”

“Wait. . .how do you know I was gone all night?”

“I live with you, y/n,” he scoffed, talking to you like you were an idiot. 

You felt your blood pressure rise, your heart beating in your ears. “Yes, Jake, I know this,” you matched his tone, the hormones working in your favor this time–making you angry rather than sad. “But why the fuck were you awake?”

“I was waiting for–,” he stopped, clearing his throat before starting over. He looked down, a crinkle in his brow. “I couldn’t sleep.”

He was waiting for. . . who? Waiting for. . . what? Your curiosity peaked, but you ignored it for the time being. 

“Well, not that you need to know, but yes. I was at the E.R. that night,” you explained. “Something happened that landed me there and it resulted in them wanting to track my heart activity. Nothing huge.”

And for once, you didn’t feel bad for lying to him. Your nerves were lit on fire with irritation towards him. 

He doesn’t need to know.

“You got a heart monitor in the mail,” he stated, not dropping the possible severity of the situation. "And you're saying it's nothing huge?"

Without a second thought, you were yanking the package from his hands. 

“It’s. not. your. business, Jacob,” you squeezed the package until the plastic wrap squeaked from the tight grip of your fingertips. Then, something else clicked. “Why the fuck were you not looking at the name on the package? Remember, like you said, you live with me. You know that not all of the shit that comes in the mail is yours.”

“I just wasn’t thinking–.”

“Kind of fucking invasive, Jake,” you interrupted hotly. “Don’t you think?”

“Well, it helped me to know something was wrong with your heart. You wouldn’t have told me if I hadn’t opened the package,” he argued back. 

“You didn’t need to know!” You said, your voice raising at the same speed as your blood pressure. “Still don’t!”

“But Josh sure as hell does, right?” He demanded, swinging his finger towards the door, his jaw clenching. “He needed to be your knight in shining fucking armor, huh?”

“Why the hell do you care?!” You fumed, the question exploding from your chest with the same emotion that had tears gathering in your eyes at the question. Angry tears. Confused tears. 

“I don’t!” He snapped, his beautiful, brown eyes, hard. His jaw, set and tight. 

His words sat in the air for a few minutes. Your stares were intertwined; swimming with tangled emotions. The air felt hot and heavy as it surrounded you. It was taut with newly spoken (and still unspoken) surmounting feelings and disequilibrium. Nostrils were flaring. Both of your chests heaved, the sound of his breathing mixed with yours in a way that made you want to slap and kiss his pursed lips.

You didn’t let yourself stand there much longer – needed to get away from him. Without speaking to him, you tore your eyes from his, gathered up your stuff from the couch, and tried to walk with as much dignity as you could to your room. 

Somehow, you were able to get the door open with your hands inexplicably full, and after you’d entered and before you could shut it behind you, you shot a glare his way. He was still watching you.

“Fuck you, Jake.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

November 17, 2022

The next night saw your ass in the shower again. 

Except this time, you were sitting in the tub, legs drawn to your chest as close as possible with your rounder tummy, and chin on your knees as you let the warm water soak you through. 

You’d already shaved and washed everything. So, now, you were just letting yourself be.

Your thoughts had been spinning since last night. So, in an effort to help your heart, you’d invited Josh over for a movie when Jake left to give lessons for the day. And, of course, he’d said yes without question. 

You’d spent the day drowning yourself in popcorn and Canada Dry (Josh surprised you with a new 12-pack when he’d arrived) as you’d watched all three Bridget Jones movies. Back to back to back. They weren’t Josh’s favorites, but he humored you by trying to indulge in the trilogy – even managing to laugh at the funny parts. 

Between movies, he’d let you cry on his shoulder. Or, intermittently, during the movies. . . By the time he’d left, your tears had positively stained the white long sleeve tee he was wearing. 

He didn’t ever ask what it was about – who it was about. And you never told him. But you knew he wasn’t oblivious to who caused your emotional episode.

Now he was gone. Had been for about an hour. And Jake wasn’t home yet. Not that you fucking cared. 

You’d meant it when you told him what you did. Fuck him.

Though, the devastating matter was that you couldn’t decide if you were more mad at yourself or him. Everyday was a replay of the day in the kitchen. And you were sure he replayed it everyday, too. . . and he was definitely allowed to feel hurt after the horrendous shit you’d thrown at him.

But what was with the back and forth? Hot and cold? How he’d been okay the night with the mac and cheese? How he’d spent his time researching therapy for you to try? How he’d been quick to defend your song to his girlfriend? 

And, just as quickly, he was snapping at you. Getting upset out of nowhere. Instantly angry with you when you’d come out of the bathroom at the bar. Getting pissed for no reason at you and Josh for sitting in the car. Telling you last night that he didn’t care about you. 

Was that true? Did he not? It fucking killed you if it was true. But you couldn’t blame him if he didn’t care. Why would he?

You took the moment to stretch your legs out in the shower, watching as the water painted your skin with droplet after droplet. Then, you looked down at your tummy, extra round after a day of pigging out. 

Placing a pruned hand on it, you looked down at the part of your body that housed your human. Surprisingly (not), tears clouded your voice as you spoke to it, rubbing the skin reassuringly. “I’m so sorry that your mommy and daddy are so fucked up.”

After letting a few tears fall to meet the tight, rounded skin of your tummy, you forced your legs to stand up. The feat was proven a little difficult as they’d fallen asleep, but you still managed. Regretfully, you’d turned the water off. You didn’t want to leave the shower but you were officially prune-y as hell.

And, as you gathered a towel to wrap up in, you realized you were also very fucking tired.

You carefully attached the heart monitor’s adhesive to your chest like the instruction manual (and multiple videos you’d watched) told you to, and followed it with the monitor itself. You then checked to make sure the phone you’d been given with the kit was ready to track what it needed.

Finding your phone on the counter after you’d washed your face and brushed your teeth, you decided Josh deserved a thank you after putting up with you the last several days.

Especially after you’d just rocked his motherfucking world . . . and he’d been so cool about it.

God, you just loved him.

You, 10:17 p.m.: I’m so glad I have you. I mean it from the bottom of my heart that I wouldn’t make it through this pregnancy without you. And your love and amazing fucking support. I’d be lost without you.

And after you sent it, you began towel drying your hair, then brushed through any tangles the best you could. 

When you heard a ding! sound from the living room, you spent a few minutes thinking it was your imagination. But when you heard it a second time, you realized it was most likely not in your head, and that Jake was home. 

So, checking your appearance once more, you wrapped the towel as tight as you could around your body before shutting the light off and opening the door. 

You glanced up to see if he was in fact home, and the sight that met you had you stop in your tracks. 

Josh’s white phone case with the little triangle symbol he’d drawn on it one day at the B&G. 

In Jake’s hands. 

Jake’s face, looking at the screen of said phone, mouth open in shock.

And as soon as you closed the door to the bathroom, the smallest sound of it shutting, made his eyes slowly slide up from the phone to your face.

He held the phone up, showing you just what he’d seen. Fuck. 

“You’re pregnant?”

You took a careful step forward, the blood in your veins frazzled and vibrating. Deny deny deny. As long as you can, y/n. “What gives you the right to be in Josh’s phone? Your invasiveness really knows no fucking bounds these days,” you clipped, voice shaking in spite of yourself.

He blinked a couple of times, a smile forming on his mouth. A wide, sarcastic one, which turned into an astounded scoff. “Really? That’s what we’re going to focus on right no–?” He shook his head, clicking the phone shut before taking a few cautious steps towards you. “His face I.D.; it opens to me. I’m his fucking identical twin.”

“Prove it,” you challenged. 

“Was already planning on it,” he snipped. And right in your line of sight, he opened the phone, putting his face in front of it. Then, it was turned to show you. The same tantalizing screen as before. “Proven.”

“Well. . .,” you faltered, scrambling. “Why did you have it?”

“It was laying on the counter. I went to grab it and my keys,” he jingled the keys in his other hand. “I was going to take it to him,” he explained, sounding exasperated and patient all at once. An anomaly. “But when I picked it up, I looked down, and it opened.”

He took two steps back, once again, holding the phone up to show you the text screen. The gray bubble had never looked so horrifying as it did in that moment. The sweat accumulating on your forehead proved your entire skin care routine pointless. You were shaking. Your skin felt like it was going to fall off from the vibrations taking over underneath it.

“Now,” he started slowly. “Will you answer my question, please?” 

His voice broke on the last word and it triggered a single tear to trickle down your cheek. 

“Yes, I am.”

“Whose?”

“Really, Jake?” You questioned, the question making your heart break. How could he–? 

His eyes went soft momentarily, pleading with you. “I just need to hear you say it, y/n.”

“It’s yours, Jake. The baby is yours. Who the fuck else?”

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: this monstrous chapter was a fucking doozy and you already know i wanna talk about it!! come to my asks and we shall chat <333

oh, but i'm just wondering........ what do you think reader's safe place will be? ;) a place? a person? both? hmmm....

ty for being the best readers in the world and pleaseee never hesitate to send in your wonderful thoughts! love youuuu <3

& as usual, it wouldn’t let me tag some of y’all. :( so please check to see that you’re down there because if you’ve asked to be on the taglist, i tried to tag you. buuuut tumblr wouldn’t let me do it for everyone 🙃 ugh. and if i somehow forgot to tag someone, please also let me know that! (i'm a NOOB and i have terrible memory)

Taglist: @joshym, @gretavanfleetposts, @alyson814, @fretaganvleet, @lallisonl, @writingcold, @gvfpal, @twinszka, @jessicafg03, @reesetrippingthelight, @sacredjake, @laurenlovesgretavanfleet, @gretavangroove, @222headedcalf, @dreamssingold, @carbondancingthroughtime, @raviolilegs, @way-to-go-lad, @jakekiszkasmommy, @katgvf, @objectsinspvce, @jaketlover, @vanfleeter, @thetroublegetssoloud71, @seditabets, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlove, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend, @aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98

(and, due to t*mblr’s shitass guidelines, i will be adding the other tags in a reblog of the story!)

#jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka smut #jake kiszka fanfic #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet fanfic #jake fic #jake kiszka #covet #my fics

[jungle-angel]

Home Is Where The Boss Lives (Mob Boss!Jake x Reader)

Summary: After a long time coming, you and Jake are finally able to move into your dream home

Tagging: @bradleybeachbabe Rachel you asked and ye shall receive (lol)

"Ok.......ok are you sure?" Jake asked. "Are you absolutely sure....? No, listen, I appreciate you being careful, especially with something like this.......alright......I'll catch you later......yep.....bye."

Jake hung up the phone on his desk, stacking the last few papers into the wooden box before gathering his brown leather sport jacket and heading out for the day. As he made his way out to the main floor of the casino, he pulled his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and immediately dialed your number.

"Hello?" you enquired.

"(Y/n) my dearest, darling wifey," Jake chortled. "I have a little surprise for you."

"Is it a good surprise or a surprise that's gonna scare your overdue spawn out of my belly?"

"A little of both," Jake chuckled.

"Good because he's been sitting on my bladder all morning and I sent Val to the laundry room to get me a new pair of pants."

Jake laughed. "Nah sweetheart you're gonna love it," he promised. "I'll be home in a half hour and we can send the girls either to Mickey's or my sister's place for the weekend."

"Pleas do," you groaned. "I love you."

"Love you too baby."

Jake hung up just before entering the parking garage where his truck was waiting, right next to Rooster's. As soon as he pulled out and got on the road, he headed for home with the radio blasting Dr. John's "Right Place, Wrong Time" from the speakers.

The drive back to his mother's home wasn't too bad, only a few detours and one road closure for an accident. The officer that had waved him through had been an old friend from college and one that Jake had frequently checked in on after an encounter with Slimy Nick, the very bane of the Seresin family's existence. Jake thanked him and promised to keep in touch with the family since Val and the officer's oldest daughter would be in kindergarten soon.

Finally, he pulled into the driveway of his mother's house where you and the kids had been living while Jake had been trying to get the house. Neither his mother nor the girls were home, but you were, holed up in bed and preparing the home for the birth of your third child, a little boy who you knew would be the spitting image of Jake.

"Sweet pea, you good?" he asked, poking his head in the door.

"No," you chuckled flatly.

Jake slid into bed with you, his hand sliding all over your bump in an attempt to calm your son. "Be nice or I'm coming in there," he ordered, pretending to be stern.

"Jake, you're literally picking a fight with your unborn son," you laughed.

"I came to bring you good news but the little demon decided to start a fight," Jake told you.

"What's the good news?"

"You promise you won't go into early labor?"

"Jake I'm three weeks overdue!!!!"

"Ok ok," Jake said, throwing his hands up. "We've got the house."

You were dumbstruck with shock. "The Vegas house?"

"The very one baby!"

You screamed with joy, pulling Jake into a tight hug and kissing his stubble lined jaw. "You're the best!"

"Ain't I?" he chuckled.

It's not long before you're finally able to fully move out of your mother-in-law's house and into your new one, finishing off the rooms to your liking and making them your own. Not three days after you move in, John Michael Seresin, named for Jake's father, is born in your shared bedroom. As you lay resting with Jake and your new little boy, your new home feels more complete than ever.

#top gun maverick #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin x reader #mob boss!jake seresin #mob boss!jake x reader

[trickphotography2]

D-Day by TrickPhotography | Chapter 15

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x female!reader

Word count: 5.4k

Synopsis: After finding out his girlfriend is pregnant, Jake is ready to move in and get married. The last thing he expected was to be hit with a six-month deployment at sea and missing the birth of his first child.

18+, minors DNI

Chapter 14 | Series Master List | Ao3

---------------------------------------

Chapter 15

“Beau.”

“Absolutely not.” The soothing sound of waves crashing onto the shore, coupled with the steady rise and fall of your husband’s breath, was lulling you into a doze. With his hands planted firmly in the sand, Jake supported your weight as you sat between his legs, back pressed to his chest. 

Given that he was about to be surrounded by the ocean in just a few days, you’d been surprised when he planned to spend Sunday at the beach. Rather than stay at the beach at the Navy Lodge, where you were staying on North Island, you drove about an hour away. Under an umbrella borrowed from Penny, he passed a few hours with his head in your lap, turning to brush his lips to your stomach while you alternated between dozing and reading a romance book you’d grabbed from the airport. At his request, you read some of it aloud, trailing off when it got to a steamy scene. One green eye opened when you shifted, a sly smirk spreading across his mouth before he took the book from you and started to read you the somewhat graphic sex scene. When you tried to snatch it back, he leapt to his feet and continued. Once you’d gotten to your feet, he dodged your attempts to snatch it back, finally tossing the book onto the towels before swinging you into his arms and charging into the water. He gave a three-second warning before dunking you both under the waves.

With your legs wrapped around his waist, he walked out far enough to conceal the fact that his hand was between your thighs, rubbing your clit through your bathing suit. With nails digging into his shoulders, you kissed him hard, forcing him to swallow your gasps as you clenched around nothing.

“I love that name,” you grumbled, toying with the high hem of his wet swim trunks. 

“Do you know what Admiral Simpson’s name is?” Huffing, you let your head fall back onto his shoulder, the corners of your mouth twitching when he chuckled and kissed your temple.

“If we can’t name our kid after someone you work with - you realize that narrows down our options. A lot.”

“I’m not naming my kid after my boss. Besides, we don’t need a boy's name.” His sandy hand covered your stomach, cool against your sun-warmed skin. “Kiwi is a girl.”

“Nectarine is a boy. When you call him ‘Kiwi,’ it sounds like I have a New Zealander in my uterus.” You couldn’t help but smile as Jake laughed, bouncing you lightly. 

“Nope,” he finally managed. “Just the combination of a Texas boy and a Florida girl in there.” 

“Sounds like a dangerous combination.” 

“Parker.”

“Hmmm,” you said, wringing the water from your hair. Jake pulled back the shower curtain and grabbed a towel. “Parker Seresin. That’s cute. And it would work for a boy or a girl.” Pressing himself to your back, Jake leaned down to kiss your neck. 

“What do you think about giving her your middle name?”

“It’s a weird middle name for a boy. What do you think… would you want him to be a junior?” He froze, breath stuttering against your skin. “Jacob Michael Seresin, Junior. JJ for short.” After a moment, he gathered himself and shook his head. 

“No. I don’t want any of our kids to be a junior.” Something was guarded in his eyes when they met yours in the mirror. Seeing your worried look, he forced a smile. “Besides, Jacob’s a weird name for a girl.” With a sigh, you shook your head and pulled the towel from his hand, dropping it onto the floor and tugging him from the bathroom. Chuckling, he pressed against your back, fingers slipping between the gap in the towel wrapped around you. Tutting, you pointed to the edge of the bed, and he obliging sat, legs spread wide enough for you to stand between. 

“Jake,” you said softly, shaking your head when his hands curled around your thighs and started to move higher. With one hand braced on his shoulders, you ran your fingers through his wet hair and sighed. His smile dropped at your serious expression.

“Darlin’?” 

“I… I know you’re sure we’re having a girl and that you said you don’t have a preference, but…” Blowing out a breath, you tried to force away the inconvenient prick of tears in your eyes. He said your name softly, concern etched on his face. “Sorry,” you said thickly, shaking your head. “Fucking hormones. Sorry. I just - will you be okay if we have a boy?” 

“Of course,” Jake said quickly, lifting his hands to frame your stomach while drawing you closer. “I thought we were having fun - I didn’t realize that saying the baby’s a girl upset you.”

“It’s not,” you sniffled, trailing your nails down his neck. “It’s just… you’re so adamant, and by the time we find out what they are, you’ll be so far away. And just now, y-you looked so… so… I don’t know when I asked about naming them after you.” 

Slowly, Jake’s gaze dropped from yours, first down to your nose, then chin, before his head lowered. His forehead rested between your breasts, shoulders slowly rising and falling with each deliberate breath. You watched as his jaw ticked when he clenched his teeth. After a moment, he said, in a steady but strained voice, “If we have a boy, we can call him JJ.” Your heart broke a little at that moment, and you wrapped your arms around your husband, holding him tightly.

“I don’t care about calling him JJ. I want to know why you’re upset.” Gently, Jake pushed you away and stood, walking to his duffle and grabbing a pair of boxers. “Honey?” He dragged a hand through his hair, shoulders hunched, and shook his head. 

“I don’t… I never want our kids to think that they have to live up to their name.” 

“What do you - ”

“My dad used to tell me that he was glad they didn’t name me after him - that not making me a junior was one of the best decisions he made.” 

He made sure I knew how much of a disappointment I was.

That admission, shared after you first met his mother and sister, was unspoken but seemed to resonate in the silence. You bit your lip hard, taking a shaky breath and forcing away your tears. Never in your entire life had you felt such hatred for another person. 

Silently, you walked towards him and lightly stroked his back, feeling him tense under your touch. His eyes stayed glued on his duffle as you stood beside him, his expression purposefully blank. “Love?” you said softly, brushing your lips to his bicep. His eyes closed, brows furrowing as you trailed your free hand down his arm to tangle your fingers together. Jake’s grip was limp as your thumb stroked his empty ring finger. Sighing, you quickly brushed away a few escaped tears before pulling away and retreating to the bathroom. 

Hurt shone in your husband’s eyes as he watched you reappear a moment later, wearing your sleep shorts and t-shirt. Returning to his side, you took his left hand and slid his wedding ring back on, pressing your lips to the white gold band. “I want you to listen to me, Jake,” you said, voice rough with emotion. “You are a good man. You are an amazing husband. And our baby has no idea how lucky they are to have you as a father.” 

“A father who won’t even be there when they’re born,” he replied gruffly. 

“Not through any choice of your own,” you countered. Turning his hand, you placed your wedding rings in his palm. He quickly returned them to their rightful place on your finger. Catching his hand, you slid it under your shirt and pressed it against your stomach. “If we have a boy, will you love him any less than if we had a girl?”

“No.” His answer was quick and emphatic. 

“Would you favor his sister over him?” Jake shook his head. “Would you ever tell our son that he was a disappointment?” His throat bobbed, green eyes glistening. 

“N-never.” Ignoring the tears slipping down your face, you reached up to cup his cheek.

“You are nothing like your dad. You would never intentionally hurt your family.” 

“Dar - ”

“Nothing. Like. Him,” you reiterated. “And if it takes me saying it every day to get it through your thick skull, I’ll do it.” Jake let out a sad chuckle, his hand sliding from your stomach to your lower back as he leaned down to kiss you. 

“I love you,” he mumbled against your lips. 

“I love you too.” Dragging your hand down his chest, you entwined your fingers and took a step back, gently guiding him toward the bed. After you’d settled back on the pillows, he joined you, tugging your shirt up to kiss your baby bump. He rolled onto his side, propping his head up on a fist while his left hand stroked your stomach. 

“What…what about Oliver?” Jake asked hesitantly, focusing on the rise and fall of your breath. 

Your hand covered his, feeling the ridge of his wedding ring pressing lightly into your skin. “Oliver Seresin. Sounds perfect.” 

Jake tiptoed around the hotel room on Monday morning as he prepared for work. Woken by the sound of the shower, you’d reached for him only to find his side of the bed empty.

After the conversation the night before, you were even more worried about him being gone now. Not because of his physical safety - that was always a concern, and you spent too much time around pilots not to know how dangerous Jake’s job was - but because he was apparently keeping his worries hidden from you. The idea that he would compare himself to his piece of shit father angered you so much. 

With reruns of Friends playing low in the background, Jake told you that he was worried about having a boy because he didn’t know how to be a good dad to a son. If the baby was a girl, he would have some idea of what to do - Lina got away with murder but was clearly loved, and he saw how much your dad loved you. There was a blueprint he could follow with a daughter. When you’d tried to assure him that having a boy would only mean you learned how to parent together, he’d agreed with a skeptical look, and you knew he was just trying to appease you.

If you ever had the misfortune of meeting your father-in-law, he would walk away with a piece of your mind. You also felt a new level of anger with Sarah for allowing her husband to abuse her son like that. The fact that Jake grew up in that household to be a man you both loved and respected was astonishing. Sure, he was cocky at times, but it was an attempt to mask some pretty big insecurities. 

The water cut off, replaced by the buzz of an electric razor. A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened. “Morning,” you mumbled, opening one eye to see him rubbing a towel through his hair. He smiled tiredly and tossed the towel back into the bathroom before walking toward the bed.

“Morning, darlin’. Didn’t mean to wake you.” Shaking your head, you stretched out a hand and smiled when he took it, sitting on the edge of the bed. When you tugged, he sighed and briefly let go of your hand to pull back the blankets. He wrapped his arms around you, guiding your head onto his shoulder. Light fingers drifted along your forearm, nudging you back to sleep. 

“Flying today?” you asked, twirling your finger in the chain of his dog tags.

“No, just briefing and last-minute stuff. I should be off tomorrow or only need to go in for a few hours.” He pressed a quick kiss to the top of your head. “What are you going to do?” At your shrug, he chuckled. “You’ll have the car, so you should go out and explore. But don’t forget that we have dinner plans tonight.” Nodding, you tilted your head back to kiss the hinge of Jake’s jaw before forcing your eyes open. His green eyes crinkled when they met yours. “There’s my sleepy girl.” 

Humming, you slid your hand down his chest, slipping under the blanket to play with the waistband of his boxer briefs. “Need me to do anything this morning?” you asked. 

“As much as I really wish we could,” he huffed, flattening your hand over the blanket, “I don’t have time.” 

“We can be quick.” Chuckling, Jake shifted to hover over you, his hips pressing yours into the mattress.

“Not that quick,” he huffed, kissing your neck. 

“It’s not fair,” you whined, wrapping your arms and legs around him. “The Navy gets you for the next six months. All I want is a couple of minutes this morning.” When he lifted his head to see your pouting lip, your husband couldn’t help but grin. He tasted like spearmint when he kissed you.

“The Navy only has me for a couple of years. You get me forever,” he murmured.

“Promise?” 

“Promise.” 

“Nope.” 

“No.” Jake’s voice was firmer than yours. His arm, which was draped across the back of your chair, tensed as he took a pull from his beer bottle. 

“Definitely not,” Rooster added, glancing between you. Your eyes met his, and he gave a strained smile.

“Why?” Amelia asked.

“Uh,” Jake said, lightly stroking your shoulder.

“That’s his ex-wife’s name,” you supplied, squeezing his knee under the table. At the girl’s embarrassed look, you shrugged, sending him a teasing glance. “He’s got a long list of exes, so there’s quite a few names that are crossed off.” Amelia smirked as Jake tugged a strand of your hair.

“I’m surprised he can remember them all,” Rooster muttered, then grimaced when Mav kicked him under the table. “Ow.”

“Dessert?” Penny asked, quickly pushing to her feet and grabbing her empty plate. With the pilots leaving on Wednesday, she had invited everyone to her house for dinner on Monday evening. 

“Rooster will help,” Mav said, giving the younger man a stern look. Groaning, the pilot quickly helped collect the empty dishes with Amelia, following the two women into the kitchen. 

“So, how are your parents?” Mav asked, rolling his water glass between his hands. Jake shrugged, and you squeezed his knee again. 

“Mine are good. They’re down in the Keys with their best friends right now and living their best lives. Got some pictures of them at a drag show earlier,” you chuckled. 

“They seem like nice people,” the older man grinned, eyes shooting to your silent husband. 

“They’re the best,” Jake nodded. “Couldn’t ask for better in-laws.” It was on the tip of your tongue to say that you could, with regard to his family. 

“Are they planning on coming out when you, uh…” He gestured towards your stomach, and you smiled, placing a hand on your bump.

“Yeah, they’re both going to fly out when this one makes their appearance in February. Mom’s already scoping out the fastest route in case I go into labor early.” Jake’s hand flexed, and you glanced at him. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his sad eyes. “You and Rooster will have to take care of this one for me when the time comes,” you said, leaning into your husband. 

“Of course,” Mav agreed, with the solemnity of a vow. 

“Admiral Tritz said the first one is usually late,” Jake said softly, turning his beer bottle around on the table. 

“He’s not wrong,” Penny said, sailing back into the dining room with her helpers in tow. She set a piece of cherry pie before Mav and kissed his cheek. “Amelia was a few days late.” 

“Bradley, too.” The man in question set the pie before you and collapsed back into his chair, and Jake smiled at Amelia and accepted the offered plate. “Carole was miserable, and Goose was asking everyone who had kids what they did to kick off labor.” 

“Well, there’s one surefire way of doing that,” Penny laughed, winking at you. You forced a smile, trying not to dwell on the fact that your husband wouldn’t be with you to help induce labor. 

“Yeah, don’t want to hear about that,” Rooster grumbled. 

“Gross,” Amelia agreed. You chuckled.

“After 38 weeks, just prepare to be uncomfortable,” Penny cautioned. “But at least you’re not heavily pregnant during the summer. That was miserable.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Completely worth it in the long run,” the older woman smiled, smoothing a hand over her daughter’s hair. 

A whirring sound woke you, and you opened an eye to see Jake walking into the hotel room, juggling two coffee cups. When he glanced at the bed, you quickly closed your eyes and feigned sleep. Depositing the cups and keys on the dresser, he toed off his shoes and quickly undid the buttons on his khaki shirt, draping it over the desk chair. You heard the jingle of his belt as he coiled it, and moments later, the bed dipped. The movement jostled you, and you tilted further onto your side.

But your husband didn’t pull you into his chest like you expected. Instead, the mattress shifted, and you felt a gentle pressure on your stomach and his arm on your hips, accompanied by a heavy sigh. It was silent for a long time, and you snuck a glance to see that his forehead was pressed against your stomach, feet dangling off the end of the bed. Your fingers twitched on the pillow, and you almost lifted your hand to thread through his hair when he spoke. “Mama may hate me for this, but please don’t come early,” Jake whispered. “Stay in there as long as possible. I’m…I’m not gonna be there when you’re born. I’m leaving you both tomorrow, and I hate it. I, uh…your daddy’s in the Navy, which means sometimes I’m gonna have to be away from you when I don’t want to, like now. I’m not gonna get to see you getting bigger in Mama’s belly or feel you move or get to talk to you. So just gimme as much time to get home as you can so I don’t miss more, okay?” 

It took all of your strength to lie there, forcing your breath to be steady as your heart broke. Jake had done so much to be strong for you through all the preparation for his deployment - giving him as much privacy as possible for his conversation with the baby was the least you could do. He was silent for a long time, and you were starting to feel the uncomfortable duel sensation of nausea and needing to pee. One of those would be easily remedied by taking the medication Jake always set out for you on the nightstand before going to bed. Still, you were reluctant to end the moment he so clearly needed. 

“I’m gonna screw up a lot.” His voice was muffled as he spoke into the blanket. “But I’m gonna do my best. You’ll never have to doubt that I love you and your mama. I promise.” Tears pricked your eyes, and you swallowed hard. When he pressed harder into your stomach, you squirmed - he and the baby were pressing on your bladder. The pressure lessened, and you could feel Jake looking at you. 

And then a gentle chiming started. 

Taking a deep breath, you blindly reached for your phone. Fingers brushed yours, gently taking it from your loose grip and turning off the alarm. “Morning, sleepy girl. Gonna stop pretending to be asleep now?” Without opening your eyes, you threaded your fingers through your husband’s hair. His lips brushed your inner wrist when you overshot, resting your hand on his cheek instead. 

“Love you,” you murmured. “Both of us.” 

After a long shower, you both dressed for the day. Jake had a few last-minute errands he needed to run, including getting a haircut, so you walked around the Navy Exchange before nipping into the Commissary to grab a few snacks. He’d assured you that he could pick things up at the mini-mart on the carrier, but you wanted to make sure he had some of the canned almonds and beef jerky he liked. And you wanted to sneak another small package of toothpicks into his duffle. Plus, yogurt-covered pretzels sounded good. 

The dock was the next stop. Besides visiting the Midway Museum, you hadn’t had much exposure to Navy ships, and you wanted to get an idea of what his life would be like for the next half a year. You weren’t able to get too close but could see them preparing to depart. Jake pointed out the ones going out with the strike group. In addition to the carrier, they would be joined by a cruiser, two destroyers, and a supply ship. Tomorrow, the dock would be full of families saying goodbye to their loved ones before the ships pushed away. The support and maintenance crews from Lemoore would already be on the bus down to San Diego. 

Once the carrier was underway and about a hundred miles away from shore, he explained, the fixed-wing aircraft would start to arrive. Aviators didn’t have the dockside departure that the rest of the sailors did because the jets couldn’t land on the carrier while in port. Jake pulled up an aerial picture of the USS Carl Vinson and described how the jets would land and be moved on the elevator to the lower decks or arranged along the edges. He, Rooster, and Mav would be the first to arrive, given how close they would be compared to the pilots coming in from Lemoore. The same system would happen when they returned - he would launch from the carrier and fly back to the base, where he’d meet you on the flight line. 

As much as you didn’t want to think about it, the whole process seemed fascinating. Over lunch, he pulled up videos to show a launch and landing, pointing out the crew in different colored vests and jobs in getting the pilots onto the steam-powered catapult. Jake had told you before how much of a rush it was to go from zero to 160 in under two seconds and come to a complete halt in the same amount of time, and an excited gleam entered his eyes. Taking off from the flight line with the meatball as a guide wasn’t as much fun. 

Jake held your hand as he drove back to the Navy Lodge, and you tugged him into the room, dropping your shopping bags as soon as the door shut. His hands closed on your hips as you guided him toward the bed, tugging at the button on his jeans. After shoving his jeans and boxers down to his thighs, he perched on the edge of the mattress as you sank to your knees. “Gonna miss you, darlin’,” he breathed as you kissed the head of his cock. Jake nudged the back of your throat, and you swallowed hard, blinking back tears in your eyes. His thumb lightly stroked your cheek before tracing your stretched lips. 

Waves crashed and washed over your feet, sand shifting underfoot as the water receded. Behind you, you could hear the screams of children playing in the surf, mingling with the cry of gulls. The sun was setting over San Diego as you walked further from the hotel. 

“Guy.” 

“Felix.”

“Felix? No,” you laughed. “Alexander.”

“Joseph.”

“James.” Jake cocked his head. 

“Oliver James Seresin. I like it.” 

“Enough not to get sick of yelling at him when he’s in trouble?” 

“Our kid will be an angel if they’re anything like their mother.”

“Okay. I’ll let you think that.” Raising an eyebrow, he pulled you to a stop. 

“You sayin’ you weren’t an angel growing up? Your mom told me you were a good kid.”

“Of course, my mom told you that - I was very good at hiding stuff.” Your family had struck a delicate balance many military families had - military brats grew up fast and independent, shouldering additional responsibilities when their parent deployed. You were also close with your parents, given that every few years, you would move away from your support system, and relationships with extended family were often impacted by moving far away from them. But with that closeness came additional freedom, which you had taken advantage of a few times. A few of those sleepovers in high school had definitely been a cover to sneak out and go underage drinking with friends.

Jake’s head fell back, and he let out a put-upon sigh, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Mama, if you weren’t the good kid, we’re in trouble.” 

“I think we can handle it, Tex,” you laughed, stepping in front of him and placing a hand on his chest. He smiled down at you, gently shaking his hand free and sliding it around your waist to bring you closer. The gentle swell of your stomach pressed against him, and you tilted your head expectantly. Jake’s lips brushed against yours in a teasing kiss. “Love you,” you murmured.

“Love you too.” He held you tightly, cheek pressed to the top of your head as you watched the sun sink below the horizon, painting the sky in shades of orange, pink, and purple. 

“Sloane Elizabeth Seresin.” 

“Sloane Elizabeth Seresin.” Jake tested the name, brows furrowed as he navigated the traffic of the San Diego airport. “Sloane Elizabeth…” He said nothing else as he pulled into the rental car return lot. 

You stifled a yawn, blinking away your exhaustion. Try as he might, your husband hadn’t been able to get you to sleep the night before, wanting to take advantage of every last moment with him. To feel his weight pressing you into the bed. To savor the slide of his sweat-slicked skin against yours. The drag of his calloused fingers. To swallow every muffled grunt and moan as he worshipped you. 

He’d dozed as you ran your fingers through his hair, feeling the steadiness of his breathing and heartbeat. You took the time to study the slope of his nose, how his lips twitched as he slept, and the laugh lines etched into his cheeks. Tried to imagine what features the baby would inherit.

Silently, you talked to them, telling them how much you loved their daddy. That he made you laugh every day. How he would serenade you in the shower, using the body wash as a microphone. How caring he was, from making sure you had medication to taking your car on Sunday to ensure the gas tank was full. And how excited he was to meet them. 

Jake turned off the ignition, fingers curling around the steering wheel. “Sloane,” he said again softly before turning to look at you. “Perfect.”

Dread pooled in your stomach as you walked towards TSA. When Jake had asked you to book your flight so you would leave before him, you hadn’t realized how hard it would be to give up those last few hours he would be stateside. 

“Please, darlin’,” he’d begged. “I can’t be the one to fly away from you both twice.” 

So you’d agreed. And now… now you wanted to skip the flight and stand on the North Island flight line for those last few painful moments. To see the afterburn of his jet rising into the air. But he’d been so strong, and now it was your turn. If this is what he needed, you would do it. Because you loved him. 

Your footsteps slowed as you neared the line until the clacking of both of your suitcase wheels stopped. Gently, he tugged you out of the way of other passengers and closer to the wall. Tears blurred your vision as you turned to bury your face in his chest, clinging to his flight suit. Jake held you tightly, hands sweeping your back as he pressed kisses into your hair. “It’s gonna be okay, darlin’,” he rasped. “It’s okay.” 

The first one is the hardest, your mother told you.

Remember that you’re a team, your father advised. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” you echoed, trying to make yourself believe it. “We can do this.” Sniffling, you pulled away just far enough to meet his eyes. You forced a smile when he gently thumbed away your tears, “I’m blaming the hormones for the waterworks.” 

“Definitely the hormones,” he agreed, tears glistening in his green eyes. His gaze drifted across your face as though trying to memorize it. Yours narrowed to a small patch of stubble on his chin that you’d missed when he’d lifted you onto the sink and handed you his razor that morning. Gently, you ran your finger over it and took a deep breath. 

“Be careful, okay?” you said, unable to look at him. 

“I will. You too.” You nodded, swallowing hard. “Call Javy or Nat or the guys if you need anything. Promise?”

“Promise. Call me whenever you get a chance?”

“Of course. The carrier has wifi, so I’ll be able to call you at least once a week. Can probably text you, too. And I’ll email.” Mav had passed along that piece of information the day before after he’d met with another captain assigned to the Carl Vinson to discuss the mission. “I want you to send me pictures, okay? Wanna see this one getting bigger.” He gently pressed against your stomach. 

“Oliver or Sloane?”

“Oliver or Sloane,” he agreed. “But probably Sloane. Can you send me a video of that appointment? When you find out what we’re having?”

“Absolutely.” You choked on the word and inhaled sharply. His lips brushed your forehead before Jake dropped to one knee and kissed your stomach.

“Be good for Mama, alright?” he said softly. “I love you so much.” You brushed away your tears, one hand resting on his shoulder. With another kiss to your bump, he stood up and quickly wiped his face. “I think it’s time to go, darlin’.” Rolling your lips together, you nodded. Your husband pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly as he kissed the side of your head. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Be safe, and we’ll be waiting for you when you come home.” Jake swallowed hard. 

Together, you walked to the line and kissed one last time before you joined the queue. He retreated to the upper walkway, keeping pace as the line moved closer and closer to the TSA agents. 

You look ridiculous, you texted him.

Not leaving until you’re out of sight, he replied.

Rooster’s probably waiting outside for you. 

He is. He can wait.

You’re going to owe him.

He’s already told me I do. Worth it.

Too soon, you came to the front of the line. Quickly, you turned and met Jake’s eyes. ‘I love you,’ you mouthed before blowing him a kiss. 

And then, with one last glance at your husband, you handed over your license. The line for the scanners curled behind a wall. By the time you got past security, he had disappeared into the crowd. 

Fly safe, Hangman, you texted him. 

You too, Mama. Love you.

Your phone pinged with texts from friends and family checking in as the plane landed in Lemoore. But there was only one that you opened. 

Jake had sent a picture of himself in the cockpit, eyes narrowed as he smiled behind his oxygen mask. 

I love you, darling. I’ll be home soon.

Javy waited by baggage claim, and he quickly pulled you into a hug at the sight of your red-rimmed eyes. Though he offered to stay the night, you quickly sent him away once you were home.

Alone, you tugged on one of Jake’s Academy shirts and crawled into his side of the bed. Burying your face in his pillow, you sobbed.

Six months. 

Twenty-four weeks. 

One hundred and seventy days until Jake was home. 

----------------------------------------------

Author's Note: We knew it was coming, but this still hurt. Had to address some insecurities Jake has before he was too far away to discuss them, like the worry he has about having a son.

The USS Carl Vinson is a carrier that does have wifi that the sailors can access; I found a few articles about how it boosted morale to have internet access. So if Jake had to deploy during Darlin's pregnancy, at least it was on a ship that he could have better contact with. However, the wifi is a double edged sword as there were issues when an F-35 crashed and video leaked out before the official investigation. I surfed a couple military chat boards to find out about the CVW joining the carrier at sea, and watched a few homecoming videos NAS Oceana about the fighter pilots coming home.

Thank you for your patience with getting this chapter out, I really appreciate it ❤️ I'm also curious if you think that they are having a boy or a girl.

Read Chapter 16

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#hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin x reader #top gun fic #top gun maverick #jake seresin #Hangman top gun #soft!Jake Seresin #hangman smut #hangman fic #D-Day fic #jake hangman seresin

[vivalas-vega]

new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part six

hehehe.... it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for !!!!!!! (insert gif of michael scott screaming it’s happening) - as always lmk what you think and if you want to be added to the taglist!

new perspectives / jake ‘hangman’ seresin x reader / part six

add yourself to my taglist

prologue - one - two - three - four - five 

word count: 4.2k

warnings: language, drinking, slight angst, smut !!!, oral (f-receiving), unprotected p-in-v penetration (wrap it before you tap it), all the feels bc we’ve all waited too long

The house was absolutely bustling, there were Daggers spread out from the couch to the kitchen to the backyard and while they were making an utter mess of your immaculately decorated home you thought to yourself that this was how it was supposed to be. You saw Amelia and Penny sitting by the pool with their feet hanging over the edge, Rooster and Jake arguing over how best to grill a burger, Fanboy and Payback engaged in a heated discussion about some superhero movie, and Maverick and Bob talking about plane specs while you and Coyote were mixing up the next round of drinks. 

“Have you ever mixed a drink before? Give me that,” you said, grabbing the bottle of tequila from him while he held his hands up in surrender. “You’re on lime duty,” you said, reassigning his tasks and he just chuckled while he got to work.

“You and Hangman seem a lot better,” he commented and you nodded. Mary and John had left for home a few weeks ago and everything seemed to be going great with her recovery. You’d gotten her set up with an oncologist you’d met in med school who would be in charge of her care from now on… Mary would have to get frequent scans for the rest of her life but it was something you would all willingly accept if it meant she had a rest of her life to live. Dr. Lewis had gotten clean margins and successfully removed the entire thing which limited her chance of recurrence but there was always a risk and this was just something you all had to live with from now on. 

“Things have definitely settled, it’s a bitter pill to swallow to know your mom might get another tumor in the future but she’s in the best hands and we’re doing everything we can,” you replied. 

“He told me he was kind of an ass to you during the whole thing,” he said and you just shrugged.

“He wasn’t, I’m sure it feels that way from his perspective but I was kind of an ass too in my own way, we just handled it differently. I went into doctor mode and he went into panicked son mode. Neither was the wrong response, it was just hard to be there for each other but we’re good now.”

“So, do you want to tell me why the two of you are still single then?” he asked and you just gave him a look.

“You’re a worse gossip than Phoenix,” you teased and he chuckled.

“We all want to know, watching the two of you is like having our own romance movie except it’s so much more frustrating,” he groaned.

“Oh yeah? And why is that?” you asked, deciding to indulge him for a moment.

“Because with a movie you get the ending in two hours,” he said and you laughed as you grabbed ice from the freezer to pop in each drink. Between Jake’s mother in the hospital and Coyote now you could feel that a lot of people were awaiting your inevitable reunion and honestly so were you… you just didn’t know how to initiate it, between the longing glances and lingering touches you felt like a high schooler again. You couldn’t tell where Jake’s head was at, every single time you got close to having a moment he suddenly preoccupied himself elsewhere and you thought back to the Hard Deck a few nights ago…

“Rooster, put those shots somewhere else or so help me god… I’m not singing with you,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him as he started to approach you and he looked at you like a deer caught in the headlights.

“But… please?” he said so soft and so small it almost made you feel bad for him. Almost. “Come on, Jupiter, you know you have fun.”

“This is peer pressure. I am actively being peer pressured,” you giggled as he approached you and held the glass up to your lips. You conceded and opened your mouth, allowing him to pour it in and as you wiped the few drops that missed and swallowed you gave him a glare that would have anyone shaking in their boots. “I feel like that was assault.”

“See you at the piano!” he said, walking away triumphantly and you chuckled to yourself. You would see him at the piano later, you always put up a good fight but you couldn’t seem to say no to him… he loved getting the whole bar engaged in song and who were you to deny him his fun?

“I see another duet is in the cards,” Jake said, sidling up beside you having seen the whole thing and while he was doing a great job at hiding it from you jealousy was roaring through his veins. He hated watching Rooster press the glass to your lips, he hated the eye contact you maintained with him while he poured it into your mouth, and more than anything he hated the way you laughed for him. It was silly, yes, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Rooster would never try anything with you, and he knew you would never try anything with him. The two of you had developed a bond he didn’t thoroughly understand but it seemed to maybe you happy and well, who was he to deny you your fun?

“It appears so, I worry about his song selection,” you said, turning to look up at him and you couldn’t quite decipher the look in his eyes as he took a step forward and you stumbled at the proximity and found yourself pressed against the edge of the pool table. You could feel the warmth radiating off of him and you felt yourself slightly tremble with anticipation… Was this finally the moment? Had Phoenix been right all along? Was a silly moment with Rooster really all it took to get you here? He grazed his fingers along your arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake and you subtly tilted your jaw upwards.

“Well, I look forward to the show,” he said with a small smirk before stepping away entirely and leaving you reeling as he clapped Coyote on the back and joined his conversation with Bob. 

You shook yourself out of it and tried to push past the desire that flooded through you at the memory as you loaded the drinks onto a tray and began to make the rounds to distribute them. The squad was having a great time and you had a feeling these barbecue’s were going to become a monthly occurrence but you really didn’t mind, you enjoyed the change in scenery from the bar and you liked that they all felt so at home here. Establishing yourself as the designated host for all group events had been your main goal and it seemed like you had succeeded. 

“Rooster wants to play beer pong, what’s the verdict on that after what happened last time?” Jake asked as you stepped out onto the patio and you chuckled as you recalled the last time everyone had been here. The game had gotten so intense that without even realizing Fanboy had taken a giant step backwards as you were walking behind him and sent you flying into the pool. Jake had gone into overprotective mode, yelling at Fanboy for being so unaware of his surroundings but when you resurfaced you had to cling to the sidewall for support because you were laughing so hard, and you’d pulled the age-old trick of beckoning Fanboy over to help you out only to pull him in with you. 

“I am in favor of beer pong, I’ll go grab the table,” you said, handing the boys their drinks before walking around the side of the house to enter the garage. You pulled the folded table from the shelf it resided on and nearly dropped it on your feet when you turned and saw Jake, “Jesus fuck, announce yourself,” you said, catching your breath. 

“Sorry,” he chuckled, but you could tell he really wasn’t. “Just thought I’d help you.” he said, pulling it from your grasp. You kept your hand on it for a moment too long, trapping him in place as your eyes raked over him, taking in his beautifully snug swim shorts and lack of shirt as you finally looked up at him through your lashes. His green eyes were holding onto yours intensely and you took a step closer, almost challenging him to do something as tension weighed heavy in the air. You could smell the spearmint and tequila on his breath and you so desperately wanted a taste as you started to lean up on your tiptoes and moments before your lips brushed the garage door swung open with a bang and the two of you jolted apart and looked over to Phoenix as she entered from the house. Her eyes widened as she took in the scene before her and you turned back to Jake.

“I’ll meet you guys out there,” you said, and he nodded as he left through the other entrance and when you turned back to Phoenix she had regret written all over her face.

“I am so sorry,” she started and you just groaned, watching as she walked down the steps and opened the fridge door, “I came out to grab more beer.” 

“That is the closest we’ve ever gotten,” you said, shooting her a glare as you leaned your head against the side of the fridge and pouted, and she gave you a sad look as she closed the door and placed a hand on her hip.

“Seriously? What the hell is his problem? This is Hangman we’re talking about, I thought for sure he would have made a move by now.”

“You’re telling me…” you grumbled, “whose benefit does he think I wore this for, yours?” you asked, gesturing down to your outfit. You were wearing a simple black string bikini top that did wonders for the girls along with high waisted cut off shorts that were just a little cheeky and she chuckled.

“I like to think you did,” she said and you swatted her arm as you followed her back into the house. “If you got that close in the garage it’s only a matter of time, let the outfit do its work,” she said, giving you a nudge as you walked back onto the patio with a stack of red cups that you started to arrange on the table.

“I call Jupiter on my team,” Rooster said and Jake shot him a glare, “what, she’s got wicked aim,” he said and you chuckled.

“Fine, then I get Phoenix,” Jake countered and your chuckle turned into a sigh. Getting the four most competitive people all on the first round did not bode well for what would follow. The rest of the squad had filtered outside, the sun had lowered just slightly in the sky giving your backyard a break from the heat and it was now the perfect temperature for poolside lounging and spectating. You listened as people immediately started betting, deciding which team to put money on and you looked at Rooster.

“Okay, if you’re going to call me then you need to pull your weight, we’re not losing to those two.” you said and he nodded, holding his hands up for you to high five.

“One step ahead of you, they are going down.” he said as he reached into the cooler and grabbed two seltzers for you, cheersing when you cracked them open. The game got off to a hot start and the two teams were tied, going shot for shot until you decided to up the ante and use the fact that you weren’t with your usual teammate to your advantage. You took a sip of your seltzer just as Jake was starting to line up for his shot and accidentally let a little dribble down your chest and you could feel his gaze on you as he tracked it sliding down the curve of your breasts where you swiped it up and licked it from your fingertip. His focus was wavering and you watched with a smirk as the ball plinked off the side of the cup and rolled into the grass. 

“Bummer,” you said, voice laced with sarcasm as you held your hand out to Rooster who dropped the ping pong balls in your hand. You could see him position himself directly behind his cups, you knew he wasn’t stupid enough to think your stunt was entirely innocent but you had an advantage he wasn’t considering… sure, he had to be laser focused at work but his concentration didn’t hold a candle to yours. You completely disregarded him and watched in satisfaction as both of your throws landed perfectly in the cups and smiled sweetly at him. You had sparked a new type of competitiveness in him and he landed his next two shots, and you decided to take it a step further, starting to fiddle with the straps of your swimsuit for dramatic effect for a few moments before you turned to Rooster and pulled your hair over your shoulder.

“Roo, can you retie this for me? It keeps slipping,” you said, and poor Rooster was none the wiser as he set his drink down to simply help out a friend. You held onto the front of your top, and though you were refusing to make eye contact Jake was burning holes in your skull as he quickly secured the swimsuit and you smiled brightly at Rooster when he finished before he lined up to take his shots. Phoenix was watching the whole thing with a smirk, as much as she hated the fact that your tricks were going to cost her the game she was rather enjoying how easily you were working Jake up, and that was almost worth losing. 

“And that’s game,” you said as your ball landed in their last cup, “better luck next time.” Rooster pulled you in for a celebratory hug before releasing you and you said something about grabbing a glass of water as you slipped back into the house, leaving the rest of the squad to squabble over who was going next. You braced yourself on the edge of the counter as you gulped the water down, your body rejoicing as you plied it with something other than hard seltzer or tequila. You waited for another moment, letting your nails tap erratically against the smooth surface before growing frustrated and rejoining the group, watching as Bob and Fanboy took on Maverick and Coyote… a matchup you wouldn’t have foreseen but you watched anyways in amusement. 

“He didn’t follow you in after that little show?” Phoenix asked quietly as you sat down at the edge of the pool next to her.

“Nope,” you replied, popping the p and she shook her head.

“Silly boy,” she chuckled. You let your eyes drift over to him to find his already on you and you briefly wondered to yourself why nothing was happening. In all the months you’d been here there had been plenty of opportunity and you started to get into your own head, wondering if maybe things had changed, if he no longer felt the same way. You didn’t know what you would do if that was the case but you did know you didn’t like the way it felt like a knife to the heart. As the sun set in the sky the rest of the pilots began to filter out, thanking you for hosting and already asking about the next group hangout until one by one you and Jake were left alone. 

You were collecting towels from around the pool when you looked up to see him leaning against the sliding glass door giving you a soft smile, “come with me?” he asked and you nodded, discarding the towels on a lounge chair and taking his outstretched hand as he led you through your house.

“Where are we going?” you asked with a soft laugh, but he didn’t answer as he opened your bedroom door and you let out a small gasp when he gestured for you to go in first. The room was illuminated by dozens of small tea lights that were casting an ethereal warm glow over the space and you turned to face Jake as he rested his hands on your waist.

“Ever since you got here I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out the perfect moment…” he said, and you smiled as you looked up at him, “I wanted it to be special, and Phoenix let me know I was losing the thread,” he said with a chuckle and you laughed as well. “And the more time that passed I realized there isn’t any one perfect moment, but that I was missing out on a lot of moments with you and I don’t want to do that anymore.” he said, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “I want every moment with you, if you’ll have me.”

“It’s about time,” you said, leaning up to crash your lips against his and it felt like coming home. You moved in tandem the way you always did, working together seamlessly as you melted against him and he slid his hands down your sides to cup under your ass where you jumped to wrap your legs around him. He carried you to the bed, laying you down gently and slotting himself against you as he slid his tongue past your lips and you moaned into him. 

“Wear this just for me?” he asked as he reached around your neck to untie your bikini top and you nodded as you arched into his touch when he trailed his hand across your chest to pull it off. “My beautiful girl,” he mumbled, mostly to himself as his lips connected to your neck and you let out a breathy sigh, so unbelievably content to have his hands roaming over your body as desire thrummed in your veins. He kissed his way back to your lips before pulling away to gaze into your eyes and your hand instinctively came to rest on his cheek. “I love you so much,” he said as you stroked across his cheekbone.

“I love you,” you replied, pulling his lips back to yours where you kissed with fire and passion. His fingers worked the button of your shorts and he kissed down your body, making sure to leave nothing untouched in his wake as he settled between your legs and pulled them off, quickly pausing to pull his own shirt off. He paid special attention to the soft skin of your thighs, kissing and nipping as his big hands gripped and massaged. He pressed his lips to your clothed heat and you involuntarily bucked against him, desperate for friction. He hooked his fingers around the fabric and slowly pulled them off, eyes flitting up to meet yours that were looking down at him with such love it made his heart stop. You were writhing beneath him, anticipation threatening to rattle you apart from the inside and he placed more delicate kisses around your core.

“Don’t worry, honey… gonna take care of you,” he said before licking a stripe through your folds. Your body jerked at the contact and he looped one of his arms through your leg, pressing a hand to your hips to keep you still. Moans fell from your lips as he carefully licked and sucked your clit and your hands threaded in his hair as you tried to pull him closer. He switched between teasing your entrance and circling your sensitive bundle of nerves with ease, quickly working you up until you were all but begging for more.

“Jake, please…” you sighed, and he could never deny you anything when you sounded like that. He eased one finger into your entrance before quickly adding a second, thrusting slowly and massaging that spot inside you that had you crying out his name. 

“Come on, sweetheart… Cum for me,” he groaned against you, eyes straining upwards as he sucked your clit into his mouth and his cock throbbed as he watched your back arch off the bed. He swore he had never seen anything quite so beautiful as your walls clenched around his fingers. You felt that familiar build within you and a particularly rough thrust of his fingers had you tumbling off the edge. White hot pleasure shot through you as you shook beneath him, chanting his name like a prayer and Jake changed his mind… that was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. You jolted again as he kitten-licked you and gently tugged on his hair to pull him up where you captured his lips and tasted yourself on him. 

“Please, need to feel you…” you said breathlessly, and reached down to swipe his length between your folds, collecting wetness and you moaned at the sensation. He began to press into you and your hands gripped his bicep as he bottomed out, letting out a breath at how full you felt. He took a moment to let you adjust, brushing hair from your face and placing gentle kisses along your cheekbones. You moaned when he began to move and the slight sting gave way to pure pleasure as he rocked against you slowly. 

“I missed you so much, sweetheart… you feel so good around me,” he whispered into your ear as he kissed along your neck and you pushed your body against his, desperately trying to get closer. You let out a loud moan when he picked up the pace, you could feel every inch of him brushing against every spot inside of you and you never wanted this to end. If you could stay wrapped up in this moment of pure bliss forever you would. He snaked a hand between you to rub circles against your clit and you tugged gently at the hair at the base of his neck, involuntarily grinding against him as he groaned in your ear. 

“Fuck, Jake…” you breathed out as you felt the tension begin to grow again. He pressed his forehead against yours and your moans came out strangled as he threw one of your legs over his shoulder, filling you so deeply you swore you could feel him everywhere. “I love you so much,” you said, cupping his face with your hands and he pressed a kiss to your lips, trying to convey everything to you he couldn’t quite find the words for. Your thighs began to tremble and soon the only word you knew was his name, repeating it over and over…

“Gonna cum for me again, angel?” he asked and you nodded against him, “come on sweetheart,” he applied more pressure to your clit. “You always did look so beautiful cumming on my cock,” he said and it was as if that was all you needed for your climax to wash over you. Your body shook beneath him as the pleasure rolled over you and you felt a hot tear slide down your temple as you cried his name. Your walls tightening around him triggered his own release and as you rode out your high you felt his warmth fill you while he groaned praise into your ear. He stilled within you while your chest heaved, your lungs fighting for oxygen while you returned back to your body and you smiled softly as you felt Jake littering your face with kisses. He slowly pulled out of you and you both hissed at the loss, and he quickly grabbed a wet cloth from the bathroom to gently clean you up before sliding into bed and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you in and holding you close.

“I missed you so much,” he said, kissing the top of your head as you snuggled into him.

“I missed you, too,” you replied, still fully blissed out. “Can’t believe you waited so long,” you teased and he chuckled beneath you.

“Wanted it to be perfect,” he said. “I knew I was going to do it tonight though… your little stunts all day long were making it very difficult to hold out.”

“That was the goal,” you said and he laughed again. “I’m going to say something that might seem a little crazy,” you said as you propped yourself up on his chest to look up at him. 

“I’m intrigued,” he replied, carding his fingers through your hair.

“Move in with me.” He looked at you curiously for a moment before a wide grin spread across his features.

“You sure?” he asked and he nodded.

“You are the only thing I have ever been so completely sure of,” you responded and he leaned down to meet your lips.  

“I’ll start packing tomorrow,” he said and you laid your head back down, listening to the steady beat of his heart and tracing patterns along his chest. Laying here wrapped up in Jake’s arms the only word you could come up with to describe how you were feeling was complete… it was like the final piece of the puzzle had finally clicked into place. You weren’t sure why you had doubted him at all today, if there was one thing in this life that you knew to be undeniably true it was that it was you and Jake against the world… it always had been and always would be.

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[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

The Boy with the Thorn in his Side [Part 2]

Part One

Steven Grant X F!Reader Rating: M Masterlist | ao3 | want to be tagged?

Warnings: TYPOS, swearing, SELF-INDULGENT, lovey dovey syndrome, fluff, pinning, brief mention of sex, please let me know if I’ve missed a warning!

A/N: Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone that enjoyed the first part and convinced me to write the second. (Also to @romanarose for gently bribing me with another chapter of their wonderful fic.)

Summary: After the events on Sunday night, you can't get Steven out of your head. But with no way to contact him, you form a plan to see him again.

Word Count: 3864

Taglist: @pleasurebuttonwrites @jake-g-lockley @raven-rk @campingwiththecharmings @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @cocodiem @oscarisaacsspit

____________________________________

This was a bad idea. This was such a bad idea. An awful, terrible, horrendous idea. You were bordering on stalker behaviour. He would take one glance at you and call the police, ‘hi, there’s this person I saw one time who basically invited herself into my meal and now she’s at my workplace.’ He would get a restraining order. You’d go to jail. This was the worst thing you have ever thought of.

Your hands shook a little as you set foot into the museum, your heartbeat echoed in your temples as nerves seemed to eat you from the inside out. 

You had cursed yourself Sunday night on the bus ride home, going over countless possibilities of how you could have done things differently. On Monday morning all you could think of was Steven’s kind smile and why you didn’t ask for his number. Even if he had said no, at least that would be something. A full stop to the whole thing, you could draw a line under it. Get on with your life. 

You hadn’t even spoken to your flatmates or your friends about it. Flitting between embarrassment of how you had just rushed off onto the bus and the mortification of your crush. You were an adult for god’s sake, it was completely fine to fancy someone – but you had still blushed and hidden the flowers Steven had given you in your room, away from your flatmate’s prying eyes. (After putting them in the nicest vase you had.)

By Tuesday you had a plan, a very poor plan. 

Steven had told you he worked in the gift shop at the museum. Just go, just say hi. Be casual. Normal. (Things you were unfortunately incapable of doing it seemed.)

On Wednesday, one of your days off, you had woken earlier than you normally got up for work. Showered and spent a little longer than you would want to admit choosing an outfit that was nice but casual. Flattering, but didn’t look like you were trying too hard. Oh god. You held your head in your hands. 

As you shuffled out of your room, finally happy (ish) with how you looked, Michael, one of your flatmates, was sitting eating cereal at the kitchen table. He was, without a doubt, one of your closest friends. 

“You look nice.”

You gave him a weak smile back. 

He frowned. “Thought you didn’t have work today?” 

“I don’t, just, just heading out.” 

His eyes narrowed even more. “We-”

“No Jason today?” You quickly changed the subject looking around for Michael’s boyfriend. 

“Late shift, he’s still asleep.” 

“Oh, okay, well,” you pulled on your shoes as quickly as you physically could. “That’s nice. See you later!” And practically threw yourself out of the door before he could get another word in edgeways. 

As you travelled into central, all you could think of was how stupid this was. 

You stopped and bought a couple of vegan crosstown doughnuts on your way. You would just see if he was there, say hi. Give him the doughnuts, say it was a little thank you for him paying. Ask him out again. Easy. Simple. Just casual. You could do that. Definitely. One hundred percent. 

You walked further into the museum, trying to keep an eye out for the gift shop. What if he wasn’t working today? This was so stupid. If-

You spotted the gift shop and your heart sank into the ground and crushed under the weight of your feet. There was a blonde woman behind the till. No sign of Steven anywhere. Your shoulders slumped. 

Fate had decided. You let out a deep breath and turned to walk back out the way you had come and smashed right into someone. 

“Oh fuck! I’m sorry!” You grabbed hold of their forearms to steady them.

Luckily they didn’t drop the pile of boxes they were holding. 

“Woops, no, my fault.”

That voice. 

Your heart sprang up from the floor and slammed back into your chest. 

“Steven?” 

He lowered the boxes, poking his head around the side. His whole face lit up when he saw you. 

“Hello, hi, what are you, what are you doing here?”

“Obviously trying to make you drop things.”

He laughed, his smile blinding.

“I, erm, here,” you thrust the doughnuts at him, completely forgetting every suave line you had rehearsed in your head. He stared at your hands for a second before you realised he obviously couldn’t take them with his hands full. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “No, fuck. I-” 

“It’s so good to see you!” He took a small step closer.

“It is?” Relief flooded your veins, the sudden rebound from absolute mortification to a slight ease made you lightheaded.

“Of course.” 

You stared for a second too long at his large brown eyes, your chest warm. 

“I, I got you some doughnuts, vegan,” you quickly added and raised the bag. “Just as, erm, like a small thank you.”

“You didn’t need to do that.” His voice was so soft as he readjusted his hold on the boxes so that he could see you better. He lent his head to the side, a small hint of pink dusting his cheeks and the tips of his ears. 

It was your turn to talk, “I…” The realisation that you had got lost just looking at him, again, smacked you hard in the face. “No, I just, I didn’t say thank you really, and I just rushed off and…” You shrugged. 

Steven opened his mouth to speak.

“Stevie! Those boxes!” Blonde woman behind the gift shop counter motioned exaggeratedly with her hands, though she did not move to help. 

Realisation clicked into your mind as you turned back to Steven and whispered. “Oh no, is this the famous Donna.” 

“The very same.” He said, completely deadpan.

You pull a face and Steven laughs before giving Donna a thumbs up and a fakest nod and smile you had ever seen. 

“I don’t know how busy you are, obviously I don’t want to get in the way of any plans, but, I have a break at one.” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I know that’s a bit of a way away-”

“I can meet you here?” You said a little too quickly. 

Steven grinned. “Yeah.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll see you here,” you said again and pointed to the ground as you both move around and walk backwards. “One.”

“One.” Steven nearly trips over someone behind him but sidesteps quickly. He mutters a polite sorry before you both look back at each other and share a little laugh.

“See you later!” 

Steven gave you the best wave he could, a wiggle of his fingers, without letting go of the boxes.  

“Stevie!”

Steven rolled his eyes and you grinned back at him. 

“Coming!” He turns and looks back at you over his shoulder.

You can feel the most ridiculous, dopy lovesick smile that you’ve ever had plastered over your face. And you can do absolutely nothing about it.  

.

You realised pretty quickly that you could just walk around the museum while you were waiting for the time to tick slowly onwards, but it just seemed impolite somehow to hover around Steven’s place of work, despite the fact that the museum was massive.

It wasn’t like you standing a few metres away from him and just staring.

Nevertheless, you found yourself walking out and wandering around some shops until around 12, looking at the time on your phone every thirty seconds. You had to stop when your battery got to fifty percent, worried you would run it down to nothing. 

At just after 12 you sat on the museum steps and read, pulling out your slightly battered paperback from your bag. 

Not that you took anything in. You had to keep restarting the page. The words started to get lost in your head about two paragraphs in. You bit at your thumbnail as you read the same words for the umpteenth time and bounced your leg up and down. 

Nerves twisted in your stomach, a giddy thrill. The only comparable sensation was to performing on stage in a long ago school play, the fear you would make an absolute fool of yourself combined with a rush of excitement. 

You checked your phone again, 12:34. Okay, that was definitely too early to go in. Far too early. Quarter to, you could go in at quarter to. 

Your bouncing leg was making it even more impossible to keep your place in your book, the words jumped in time with your leg. You could easily fix this by not resting your forearm on your leg. 

But moving your arm would mean moving your hand, and moving your hand would mean that you could move your hand, and knowing you could move your hand meant you could move your hand to check your phone for the time again, and doing that-

“Hello!”

You turned around so quickly it was a miracle that you didn’t give yourself whiplash. 

Steven gave you a nervous smile, holding onto his bag strap with both hands. “Got out a bit early, hope that’s alright, I thought, I mean, I saw you headed out earlier... So I just, well, you know, thought I would check and see if you were out here. Sorry, I’m speaking too much, aren’t I? Yes.” 

He ran a hand through his hair as you quickly climbed to your feet, shoving your book in your bag.

“No, no,” you grin at him. 

There was a moment where both of you just stared at each other, forgetting how to speak. 

“Are you hungry?” Steven asks.

You nod.

.

Steven leads you to a little vegan burrito restaurant near the museum. 

“It’s really nice there.” He seemed excited to show it to you, his enthusiasm infectious. 

The shop was small, with just two tables outside and one inside. The queue wasn’t too long, but because of the size of the place it’s trailing outside. However it’s moving quickly.

You both chat easily as you wait. The built up nerves in your chest morphing into just the giddy thrill of being around him. 

You scan the menu board as you enter.

“I’ll get you one.” Steven said off handily. 

“Steven, I should be getting you one, I owe you from Sunday.”

“Nah,” he smiles and shakes his head.

“Listen,” you laugh and can’t help the rush of fondness for him that briefly clouds your mind, “I don’t mean to get all in your face, but I will physically fight you on this.” You nudge him with your shoulder as you speak.

Steven chuckles. “Okay.” 

He recommends ‘The Ultimate Burrito’. You let Steven go first in the line.

The people there recognise him, calling him by name and asking after Gus, and if ‘Donna has got that stick out of her arse yet’. 

When the cashier hands over his food and asks for payment, Steven quickly adds, “hers as well.”

You open your mouth to protest, but Steven taps his card and gives you a beaming smile before you can say anything.

He hands you your brown paper bag. 

“Steven,” you begin. 

“You can get the next one.”

You tut, but there’s no malice in it. “You said that last time.”

“And now there’s a this time, yeah? See, it worked.” 

You nudge him in the arm again as you both walk out. “You know you don’t have to pay for my food for there to be a next time, right?”

He nods, he’s smiling, but there’s something about his expression, something in his eyes that don’t leave you convinced.

“Well, that’s two times I owe you. So I guess you’re going to have to put up with me at least twice after today.”

His shoulders seem to relax a little.

You walk to Russell Square to sit and eat. The burrito is excellent. You give Steven the doughnuts, he promptly offers one to you and refuses to accept no for an answer. 

“And that’s where I hid the override key.” Steven ends his story with a grin.

You laugh loudly, “Donna still hasn’t found it?” 

“Nope.”

“Oh my god!”

“Yep, every time she needs to do a till check or cash up she has to ask me for my key. I make a big deal out of it, you know.”

You continue to laugh, imagining the gentle disruption Steven has caused his manager. 

He leans a little closer to you, all conspiratorial. “I tell her I keep it in my locker, for ‘safety’, it’s in my pocket the whole time.”

“Does she get annoyed?”

“Oh yeah,” he grins, “‘Stevie, you need to keep it on you!’”

You lose it at his impression. 

“‘Stevie, I need the key!’” He switches his tone when relaying his side of the conversation, putting on an extra layer of sincerity and bewilderment. “‘But, Donna, I’m just a shop assistant, only the managers have to keep their override key on them? That’s what it says in the guidelines isn’t it? Where’s your key?’ Then,” he motions animatedly with his hands. “She’ll huff and mutter and wander off and then ask for it again after five minutes. Usually slightly more politely, which, let me tell you, is a big deal for Donna.”

“Has she said anything about her key?”

“Nope.”

You leant forward, shifting closer to him without realising it. “So she hasn’t even admitted she can’t find it?” 

“Not at all.”

You laugh again.

“I mean, I thought she’d ask. Actually no, telling tales, I thought she would actually look in the back office for it. It’s literally on her desk, right under her nose! But, no. So then, I thought she’s gonna say, ‘Stevie, have you seen my key?’ in which case I could go, ‘oh yeah Donna, it’s right here.’” He shrugged, grinning. “Can’t ask for help apparently.” 

You threw your head back as you giggled, your knee brushed against his thigh, and for a moment the brief touch sent an electric shock up your spine. 

“I know it’s mean.” He said, chuckling a little. 

“She deserves it.”

“I’m sort of Matilda-ing my way around.”

Your eyes lit up, “you are! Does she wear a hat?”

He shook his head, confused for a second. 

“Shame, you could glue it to her head.”

Steven broke out laughing, remembering the scene from the book where Matilda does exactly that to her father.

He pauses before speaking again, his voice a little quieter this time, a little less sure of himself. “I’m really glad you came by, like really, really glad.”

You bite your lips together, trying to control the rapid and sudden increase in your heartbeat. “Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. I was feeling like a right numpty, I practically threw you on the bus.” 

You shake your head at him, but don’t interrupt. 

He looked down at his hands, worrying the skin around his fingernails. “Didn’t even say goodnight properly.”

Your brain short circuits at his words. Blanking out to nothingness for a moment, error screen – restart. What did he mean? What did saying goodnight properly mean? 

You stare at his lips, taking in the chance to truly look at him now that he wasn’t looking at you. Thoughts of how soft they would be, how sweet, filling your mind. What sounds would he make? Would he sigh or moan? Would there be a little hitch of his breath just before you-

“I was worrying, you know, is this boarding on stalker behaviour?” He smiled to cover his nerves and glanced back to you. 

“Steven,” you shook your head and lightly placed your hand on his forearm. “I was literally thinking the same thing. With me being the stalker, I mean.”

“What?” There is a small laugh that accompanies the word.

“Literally, I was thinking, is it crazy just to turn up at your place of work, and be like ‘hi’.”  You waved your hand with the motion, pulling a face and missing the small look of lament that flashed across his face when your hand left his arm. 

“Well, I’m so glad you did.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

You both stare at each other again, there’s a build of pressure in your chest. Maybe you could-

“How was your burrito?” Steven asks, speaking a little too quickly. 

You smile. “Very good.”

You both continue to talk and finish off the doughnuts. It only seems like you have been there for a few minutes when Steven’s phone buzzes, the faint sound of his alarm going off. 

You don’t miss the way his face drops when he sees the time. 

“How long’s your break?”

He quickly looks up, shaking his head slightly. “No, I’m- don’t worry!”

“Steven?” You give him a kind smile, even though you would quite happily let him stay here with you for the rest of the day.

He pulls a face. “I’m a bit late actually.”

“I should let you go…” Even to your own ears you don’t sound convincing. 

“Nah,” he shrugs, “I’m always late, it’d be a bit out of the old character if I went back now. Donna would die of shock I’m sure.”

You chuckle. “Is that a bad thing?”

Steven laughs. “Well, knowing my luck her replacement would be even worse.”

Another pause falls between the two of you.

“It was really nice to see you again.” You blurt out.

He sits up a little straighter, turning his body even more towards you. “You too.”

“I’d like to, I mean,” your tongue is too big in your mouth, too slow for the words that want to pour out of it, “if you want, to see you again-again?”

“Again-again?” He raises his eyebrows playfully.

“Again-again.” You grin.

“Yeah, no, I’d really like that too.”

You nod, quickly becoming a little lost in his eyes before you remember to get his number this time.

“Erm, here,” you unlock and pass him your phone. 

Steven takes your phone while still holding his own. His warm fingers brush against yours and you lean into the touch for a second longer than completely necessary.

He quickly puts his name and number in, and to your absolute endearment he also adds his last name. 

You send him a quick message: ‘hi’.

There is a buzz of vibration as his goes off. He sends one back ‘hi!’ 

You both grin at each other. 

Slowly, you walk back to the museum entrance, both of you dragging your feet a little. 

Naturally you come to a stop just outside and out of the way of the people coming and going. 

Steven shifted his bag on his shoulder. “Maybe next time we can go somewhere that serves something other than steak?” 

“Sure,” you nod, “sounds good.”

There’s another pause. But this one is painful. Even in this short time it’s like you both had become attached to each other, that pulling apart now would only cause wounds in the places you had touched.

“I should,” Steven motions with his hand behind him to the museum, he doesn’t move to go, his eyes fully fixed on you.

Your heart is racing, burning up and exploding like a comet too close to the sun.

The adrenaline makes nausea burn in your throat. Oh fuck it. 

“Can I kiss you?” You blurt it out, so rushed it’s a miracle that the words are coherent. 

Steven’s mouth opens slightly, a blank look of confusion on his face.

You were wrong, you were wrong, oh god, you were so wrong, this was absolutely the worst thing you could have done, the most terrible-

He swallowed, his throat bobbing with the movement. His voice is barely a whisper. “Yes please.”

You don’t remember moving closer to him, don’t remember your hand gliding around the nape of his neck to guide his lips to yours. Your body moving on autopilot. 

You don’t care that you’re in public. For once you couldn’t care less about what anyone else thought of you, your mind so caught up with just him. 

His lips are softer than you imagined, warm and lush. His nose bumps against your cheeks before you tilt your head more to the side and then it’s perfect. 

You kiss him once, twice, innocent and chaste. You feel his throat bob again under your hand, your nails just scraping over his skin as you sink your fingers into his hair. 

He whimpers, a small, delicious sound that buzzes along your lips. You never want it to stop.

Instinctively you step even closer, gripping at his shoulder with your other hand as his press against your lower back, guiding you towards him until your chests are flush against each other. 

The tiny moan that escapes him at the contact makes your head spin. Giddy with how responsive he is, you can’t help yourself as his lips part. You slide your tongue into his mouth and Steven groans. 

His grip tightens as he sucks on your tongue, strokes it with his own. 

There’s a quickly growing fire in your belly as Steven’s shy kisses quickly become bolder, demanding. 

Your head feel light, intoxicated almost, part of you would happily push him down and fuck him against the museum steps.

He kisses you back with a fevered vigour that-

Steven’s phone buzzes. You pause, but he doesn’t, using the opportunity to slide his tongue into your mouth. You moan and he growls, low and vibrating in his chest. You can’t help the way your breath catches at the sound, heat pooling in your lower stomach. 

You wrap your arm more fully around his neck and-

Steven’s phone buzzes again, this time a sharp ringing accompanies it. He continues to kiss you for a moment before groaning.

You pull away slightly and press your forehead against his. His eyes are closed, a small look of annoyance pinching at his features as the phone rings. 

You kiss him again, quickly, once, twice. He smiles.

Still keeping you close he looks at his phone, even though he knows whose ringtone it is. 

You see Donna’s name flash along the screen. 

“Oh fuck, I actually am really late now.” Steven says, but he’s smiling. “Worth it though.” 

You chuckle, and push him playfully in the arm. 

He lets the phone ring, putting it back in his pocket, and kisses you again. Once, twice. His tongue traces your bottom lip but he manages to pull himself away before he gets too caught up again.

Reluctantly, you both untangle yourselves from each other. 

The bottom of Steven’s hair is a mess from where you had pulled it. His lips are red, eyes dark and he is smiling so widely. 

You say your goodbyes and Steven walks up two steps before turning back and kissing you again, ‘for the road.’

You manage to keep it together, until he is out of sight. And then you can’t help the small squeal of excitement that escapes you before heading back home. 

For the rest of his shift, much to Donna’s annoyance, nothing can even come close to touching Steven’s good mood. It’s like he’s floating on clouds.  

#steven grant #moon knight #steven grant x reader #steven grant x f!reader #moon knight fanfic #fanfic #my writing #oscar isaac #oscar isaac characters #female reader

[woah-uhuh-uhuh-uhuh]

(ALMOST) EVERYTHING I NOTICED FROM BAC BMC

NOTE: spot check me!

It was the Two Rivers script, but I still haven't read the whole Two Rivers script so if I mention something I noticed that’s actually just… in the script… lmk!

Also: if you also saw the BAC production (or if you are the BAC people???) and I missed something, let me know!!! Literally anything at all I will put it here I’d love to approach comprehensiveness!!

ALSO: Spoilers! If you plan on going to Jake’s Halloween Party maybe wait? Or don’t!!

CHARACTERS

Madeline

Putting Madeline here because the first thing I noticed in the whole show is she’s ACTUALLY A FRANCOPHILE and it’s so funny ldksjfjsfksdlf. She wears a beret, and people put on a stereotypical French accent whenever they quote her djslkfjsfkfds And during the play backstage someone (I think Chloe?) runs up to her, smacks her beret off and yells “You’re not French!”

Jeremy

OH oh oh oh oh. Bac Jeremy my beloved…. I swear like 30% of Christine’s autism was generously donated to Jeremy for this production jlkdsfjdls

He has this habit where he’ll put his hands in his cardigan pockets and push his them around in front of him or on his body to feel the tension of the jacket stretching. Patrick said this quirk was based on a neurodivergent kid he knows. I don’t have photo evidence and IDK how to describe it perfectly but i did draw it here (x). It wasn't exactly like that though OTL

He does it whenever he’s nervous (so almost CONSTANTLY) up until BMC P.1 when the SQUIP tells him to take his hands out of his pockets. During that song you can see him trying to put his hands back safe in his pockets but afterwards he never does it again, even after The Play. He also doesn’t do it when he’s with Michael, even at the beginning, so I take it to mean it goes away when he’s comfortable. 

I think he flinches and cowers a lot (compared to other Jeremys, that is). Whenever Rich surprises him, Jeremy jumps and protectively throws his arms over his face. I think he reacts similarly to other people a few times - I don’t remember when exactly though… There’s also several times where he’ll stand totally petrified out of fear, like when Rich is writing “boyf” or when Chloe’s coming onto him. By all of this I basically mean it’s really obvious he’s been physically abused (presumably by Rich).

Just in general, his freakouts are very physical, he’ll kinda do these stiff arm movements or cover his face in his elbow etc. Off the top of my head this happens during Upgrade and also at the end of The Play when Christine’s singing to him.

All this to say he has a very very visible physicality to his awkwardness and I love it. I don’t just mean that on a character acting level, I also mean like if you’re sitting behind him in class your attention will actively be caught by his awkwardness. 

He also has a deeper register which he uses mostly in a joke context? He used it in normal conversation a few times too, I think more towards the end.

I noticed him standing just a little pigeon-toed near the beginning. I don’t know if this carried through the whole thing though.

Clothes: his cardigan is blackish with a blue outline, and he wears it over a green shirt with a question mark (I perceived it as a Gravity Falls shirt but might be wrong). The eminem shirt is black and I dont remember what he wears it with…. At the party he has a cyborg shirt and a visor, and after the party he has a white shirt with a flannel and khakis (or maybe light corduroys). In VIMH he has another fandom shirt on but I don’t remember what it was sorry it was 11pm ljfsdlkfjdslkfs

Its so obvious I’m a Jeremy stan this entry is the largest one sorry 🧍

Mr. Heere

He seemed less depressed and more just out of touch in this one? During Two Player Game, he seems decently chipper, if annoyed, though of course he’s still unable to dress himself and unwilling to put genuine effort in with his son. 

When he says “Good talk” he gives Jeremy a friendly shoulder punch. Right before Pants Song, as usual, he says “I could ground you!” Jeremy says “I don’t think you could,” and gives his dad the same shoulder punch while saying “Good talk.” AAAAAAH.

Michael

He seemed less frenetic and anxious than the Troy!Michael I’m used to (sorry that’s my only reference for Michael lol). 

He was generally loud and exuberant. A very excitable but down-to-earth Michael. 

MITB was amazing. I was nervous because it’s obviously (obviously) the best song so there’s a lot of pressure but no it was done perfectly. Sad as fuck. Perhaps moreso because this Michael was especially normal until now. (Also because pre-MITB Jeremy was extra mean in this production)

For some reason, I found it easier to picture this Michael being a childhood & school friend? Maybe just because this production seriously pulled my psyche straight back to highschool in a way the others haven’t been able to lol. 

I maybe got the sense that he’s really trying to act like he doesn’t care as much about Jeremy as he does. 

BTW I’m obsessed with the fact that his idea of a creeper costume is a mask and a shirt that just says creeps on it. I know that’s kinda textual at this point but taken together with the mask its lkesdjfsdjflksdf

Christine

Amazing ballet (?) choreography going on during her intro. I think that might be standard Christine choreo but still! Stunning.

I could actually picture her as an averagely popular girl in this one? Not sure why. Maybe more nervous in her relationships but more confident in other contexts, but I could be pulling that out of my ass. 

I could also be thinking this because she has cool hair (space buns!) and likes Taylor Swift in this one. 

Some of her songs had these really melancholy notes where I didn’t expect them - particularly in GTIKBI Reprise (/pos! I was like oh shit!!! every time)

Rich

He has painted nails! They’re black. 

He had fruity energy the whole time but it got progressively more intense. No I can’t elaborate actually I don’t know why I perceived it like this but I did sldjkfsf

After he comes out it gets more explicit; he starts wearing a pink headband in VIMH (he also gains glasses I think? Unless they’re still Michael’s) and during bows he flashed a paper fan that had the gay flag inside. 

IMO, it was implied that the house fire was a suicide attempt. I say this for purely textual reasons -  because he doesn’t mention trying getting the SQUIP out of his head, and because Jeremy’s SQUIP later implies it was a suicide attempt. But his behavior around the fire - looking dazed while rhythmically flicking a lighter - could also indicate squipzophrenia. (Maybe it’s the same amount of implied as usual - To be fair, I’ve never really understood why Rich set a fire in the first place…)

Brooke

Very wholesome and I love her. IDK Broadway Brooke is very campy, and BAC Brooke is more like a normal sweet girl but maybe that’s just me 

Compared to Broadway, way more respectful of Jeremy’s space. She doesn’t really try to physically seduce him in upgrade instead they just have a cute lil conversation. Also when she tells Jeremy she got cheated on, she doesn’t initiate contact by petting his hair (like in Broadway) - instead the roles are reversed and they hold hands comfortingly, and Jeremy is the one to escalate that by rubbing her hand in a slightly forward way. 

Her French was awful!!! sdjkfldjsfkdsf It was the whole time but Tres Magnifique = "Trays Mag-nuh-Fike" is the one that really killed me

Chloe

Not to be backhanded… but she was really good at being a bitch??? Especially the scene where she’s giving Christine advice

Maybe closetedly wlw based on the delivery of “I like gay people” and the events of The Play??

The Chloe Jenna friendship intrigues me so much… what’s going on there…

Jenna 

Sadder than Broadway Jenna… 

When Chloe mentions her in play rehearsal she jumps up from across the room and says “I’m here!!” to no reaction.

Later in Smartphone Hour -  J: “....because you are my closest friend-” C: “No I’m not” J: “Yeah I know….” Jenna sounds kinda genuinely bummed lol. Either she wasn’t expecting that or she’s *very* aware of it and it’s making her sad. My impression was more the latter.

During VIMH she’s wearing a sweater that’s colored like the lesbian flag??? (EDIT: the actor, Diana, said this was intentional and her Jenna is a lesbian!)

Idk idk actor so good she made me care so much more about Jenna dsfljdf

Jake

Maybe a touch more upfront about the fact that he feels a lot of pressure in his life

He was dumb <3

Mrs. Reyes

She’s a woman in this one!

She has a hippie thing going on i think?? Like a boho mom (affectionate)

Pronounces Reyes with a (several second long) rolled R at the beginning

Doesn’t do the stiff announcer-like angle that the broadway guy does. Her comedy is more crazy cat ladyish

The hot pocket breaks were preceded by an actual alarm sound I think???? bonkers fkljd

Ensemble

BIG ENSEMBLE WAS SO FUN…. They had so many funny bits going on in the background it was soooo good and another reason I wish I could watch it over and over because I couldn’t be paying attention to everything at once OTL

Scene by scene

Organized by song, but scene notes are in there too!

More Than Survive

"Madeline was all like-" *bad french accent* "ohohoho, I'll only sleep with you if you beat me at ze pool~"

“Oh my god he is like totally getting off on that” ← right before this Jeremy starts pointing at them awkwardly from a distance, I think in an attempt to get to his locker?? 

“I like gay people” - the way Chloe says this is kinda like “idk what the big deal is because *i* think gay people are soooo neat” which got a lot of audience laugh. I think she was talking to Jenna but I don’t remember 

“I don’t wanna be a baller” (or whenever the class scene is) - Jeremy’s sitting in the back of class and everyone turns to throw paper balls at him. I was like oh my god he’s being genuinely bullied so hard in this one…. Then again maybe that’s just how he feels?

There’s this awesome chair choreo at the end where everyone’s laying down chairs in front of Jeremy for him to walk on and taking them away from the back to put back in the front as he makes his way downstage.

Scene: Michael's "You don't have to do this!" kind of came across as a shout of protest. (But of course still tempered with, "of course i'll make fun of you forever if you don't)

Play Rehearsal

"This is where you meet for the swim team" --- Instead of looking confused, Jeremy immediately acts like ok byeee - he might be eager to back out of the conversation and/or immediately accepts her answer as literal and wants to leave asap out of embarrassment.

“I also have a touch of ADD” - she trails off and stands there kind of in a daze for a moment, before remembering that she’s in the middle of a song. 

“And can I mention that was really one of my best roles, DID YOU SEE THAT?!" She shouts this very proudly. And after her 'do you find that?' bit she doesn’t give Jeremy time to even try to respond, so it’s a little less rude lol. 

Jeremy was very anxious, and somewhat in a bad way? As in the exchange was a bit off-putting to him.

Scene: “thank god the popular kids are here” - there are SO MANY kids entering. I’m not sure what to make of it! Popular as in everyone’s popular compared to Jeremy and Christine? Or is this a whole clique? Or is Reyes just talking about the popular kids and the other guys also just show up? 

Mrs. Reyes: ~"Our funds will be diverted. To the frisbee golf team. What even is frisbee golf?" Across the room, Jake holds up a frisbee and silently points at it, trying to get Reyes' attention. She doesn't notice.

After scene: Jake’s “pressure to be the best at everything” is said very genuinely, not for laughs at his arrogance which is how I usually read it

Squip Song

Rich actor KILLED it just gotta put that out there

“So it’s like….” Jeremy takes an extended moment to walk to the edge of the stall and look behind to make sure nobody’s there - “...drugs?”

In the end of the song, Rich rubs his dirty hands all over Jeremy's arm.

The Squip Enters

Scene: Payless: “Wolverine” was great djklsfjdsf I’ve never thought about him before. (It was also the actor’s birthday!) When they enter he’s playing the knife-finger game. He threatens Jeremy with the knife at some point (either “400 dollars” or “all sales are final!” I think?). I can’t really describe the character acting but he was very entertainingly unhinged. He's called “Scary Stockboy” in the script & playbill and I thought that was a misnomer until the scene happened lmao. No that was accurate. 

Scene: when they enter the food court there’s like a photo of a mall food court on the back wall but not from the perspective of the scene at all it was like a background that abstractly tells you where you are?? As someone who loves kitsch I enjoyed this, it happens with a few other scenes too 

There’s a couple making out obnoxiously at the mall that someone (I think it was Michael?) had to step over to get to the table. I think they had some great thematically relevant background acting in this scene but I cannot remember it exactly I am so sorry OTL

Michael is buying Ecto-Cooler! It tastes like ghosts.

Jeremy “mourns in his chili fries” by laying his head down on the table. Jake and Christine sit at the table together without noticing him. Then Jeremy pops up and they have the usual exchange (“I didn’t see you!” “Yeah, you’re kind of hard to notice”). I thought that was a really neat staging!! And it makes more sense why he even tries to talk to her in this scene lol

Mild discomfort - The first half Jeremy just stands next to the table and kinda screams in pain. Then the second half he falls to the ground and is thrashing, again mostly just in pain. (Pretty sure that’s how every production goes but I think the intensity of the spasming is pretty variable so I’m describing it here)

When the SQUIP first appears, he offers to appear as Kermit the Frog, Barack Obama, and Gilbert Gottfried, and does a little impression for each one:

The imitations the Squip does are as follows: Kermit the Frog “hi ho Kermit the frog here, we’re gonna fix your life Yayyyyy”, Obama “My fellow Squip, if sync up we can change this loser” and Gilbert Gottfried “So Grandma and the dog are on the table…” - Courtesy of director Chris Guell because I couldn't remember them OTL (thank you!!!)

Also in the middle of this Jeremy says "That's a terrible Obama impression..."

Be more Chill p.1

Brooke and Chloe are shopping on the upstage side of the clothes rack; when Jeremy picks out the girls shirt, Brooke appears through the gap in the clothes and surprises him.

After the song, one of the ensemble steals the clothes rack and the mall cop chases him off stage in a very cartoonishly stiff sprint.

Do you wanna ride?

After the first rejection, Brooke goes to Chloe, who points out the satchel she has belted around her waist. As she starts to sing again she slowly unbuckles it and holds it behind her back. 

Jeremy is very into it by the end and the girls have him dancing along with the music. I think you can see that in one of the promo videos too :P

Be More Chill p.2

Scene: When Jeremy’s going to bed after the mall, instead of sleepily singing, he uses a silly deep voice to say something like “yeah be more chill i’m gonna be more chill i’m gonna be so chill that ice is relatively warm”

After Rich talks to Jeremy (“hey, tallass, where’s my money?” and then they sync up) he spots a girl across the stage and yells “Hey, where’s my money?” then chases her down the hall. 

Guy that I’d Kinda be Into

Scene: during the rehearsal - JR: "Bring me patient zero!" Then Chloe, sitting on the ground, looks through her script for like 45 seconds until finding her line: "Cough!"

At “I’ve been activating your pheromones” - Jeremy starts and looks at his armpits, then as the song continues he slowly pulls his arms up to rest behind his head, it was very comedic djflkdsf. He also uses one hand to waft from his armpit before returning to that position. Guy...

I think this is also the scene he uses a script to hide his boner??

They were so cute at the end!!! Just sitting next to each other in rehearsal and kinda leaning in towards each other. Very real very high school. 

Upgrade

Scene: While Jeremy and SQUIP argue about Eminem, Brooke is (silently) describing the accident. She mimes hitting a hockey puck, then being impaled in the guts repeatedly.

Instead of literal bleachers (at least visually), Brooke and Jeremy go sit on the top of the stairs that lead off of the stage and into the audience. They kinda playfully walk around the railings and stuff, and at the point in the Broadway version where they start aggressively making out, instead they just sit next to each other and talk and it’s very cute :) 

Jeremy’s freaking the fuck out in the middle and it’s so obviously sensory overload auauuauuauaugh. He was like contorting to cover his head in his arms. Guy…

Halloween

Brooke’s costume is a sexy dalmatian! She has an eyespot and a black and white skirt + other spotty white clothes. Jeremy’s cyborg costume only extends to the shirt & a visor. I think it matched with the squip’s visor?

THE PROJECTOR…. On the background was the funniest background it could possibly be it was like a graphic of a cartoon skeleton holding a wooden sign that said “Jake’s Halloween Party”. IDK if that’s a poster he got printed or if it’s an extremely camp way of abstractly giving us the setting or what but I WAS LOSING IT SLKDJFKDSJFSD 

I WISH I had a picture of it, but in lieu of that I recreated it for you and I swear it was like 95% exactly like this. just projected on the wall behind the stage.

Do you wanna hang?

Right before this scene, there’s a huge group choreo where people dance with partners, and in the last move one partner spins the other one down, who lands on the floor looking up at them. Jeremy ends up on the floor and Chloe walks up and stands over him while inviting him to come with her. 

TW - This scene is always sexual assault, but the tone felt especially dark this time – maybe it was just seeing it live, though. 

Jeremy’s standing frozen still as the song starts and kind of visibly recoiling as Chloe walks around him. She walks behind him and shoves her hands into his coat pockets, which makes him flinch. Extra upsetting because like I said before I think his coat pockets are kind of a place of safety for him :(((

Pretty sure the SQUIP's Japanese was different from the Broadway. Wasn't sure quite what he said, but it I think it *didnt* include these from the Broadway one: お腹が空いた (I'm hungry) and お疲れ様 ('pleasure doing business with you,' i think?)

Michael in the Bathroom

Scene: Jeremy seems very shaken after DYWH and sits on the bathtub sadly; when Michael reveals himself Jeremy flips out.

Michael talks about “his clever disguise” and makes monster growls (meant as creeper hisses?) - I think with the tone that he’s trying to get Jeremy to respond to the joke, or point out the reference or something. When that fails, he starts getting serious. 

“Get out of my way, loser” is delivered very confidently. 

After Michael says he’s on his period, Jenna opens the door a crack to hand him a tampon dsjfkldsjflkdsjf. He throws it in the bathtub later at “I’m a creeper in a bathroom….”

Also of course, he’s in a creeper mask lol

Song: WONDERFULLY done. Honestly don’t have much to say it was just great. I get desensitized to that song after hearing it so much, but seeing it live definitely brought a spark to it.

“And I look in the mirror and the present is clearer…” section is like the *key* part of this song to me and Connor Introna did it really well. His voice started breaking at mirror, and of course he did the little sob and everything it was just chefs kiss

Guy that I’d Kinda be Into Reprise

When Jeremy asks why Rich didn’t give him a warning and Rich starts saying “warning” over and over, he says it at a steady rhythm until he gets off stage. Then Jeremy tries to rouse a drunken partier to say “So that was weird…” and Rich’s “Warning” randomly interrupts Jeremy like 3 times to comedic effect before he can get the words out

"Popular people are messed up" - less in response to Rich & more in response to the guy Rich is talking to passing out drunk (iirc)

This is just a 2R things but it hit me so just pointing out she just says “I’m not Juliet” in this one (rather than we’re not romeo and juliet) and auuauguughghg poor Christine :(

Weird noises: it’s kinda like a dinosaur impression in this one? They both go like RAAHH and make claw hands in the air. Then Jeremy stands up and pretends to be driving a car (I think???? lol) and Christine copies him

Christine starts standing up while Jeremy’s still asking her out. As soon as he finishes the question she immediately rejects him. That is to say, she saw where this was going and already knew her answer.

After the scene, Rich walks back across the room, flicking a lighter on and off in a daze. 

ALSO: Ensemble were very entertaining in the whole party! During this scene there were 3 of them playing spin the bottle downstage left and it had like a whole arc to it sdnjkfdfdsf Also guys passed out on the floor and on the couch 

Smartphone Hour

Starts w/ Jenna sitting on the edge of the stage, dangling her legs over the pit. 

Brooke is sadly eating Rich’s loaf of bread. (After she forgives Chloe she passes it to some other actor offstage which I probably wasn’t supposed to see but it was funny lol. communal machete bread)

THE PROJECTOR….. Everyone was holding phones and in the background was footage from their front-facing cameras (prerecorded, but it synced pretty well with the live actors). Then you could see the GUI of them typing some of the lyrics (“rich fled to bombay!!”) into imessage and twitter

AND THEN you see footage of the house burning down on an insta reel…. An unremarkable suburban house where you can see flames consuming the roof. This same footage plays on a few people’s reels, then there’s also footage of firemen coming and putting the fire out and its SO REALISTIC i was losing it 

Around “Changed my profile pic to you” it shows a bunch of (presumably) instagram photos of Rich like in his house and at school or wherever and i wont lie it made me feel for him a lot more. They were like actual full staged photos :( like thats a real guy in there… 

Pitiful children

Scene: When Jenna asks if the SQUIP is a drug, she does the same extended thing of checking to see that nobody’s watching that Jeremy did in The Squip Song

The Pants Song

Scene: see my notes on Mr. Heere aaaaaauguh

Michael’s sitting on his front steps while smoking weed from a tiny green bong. You can tell it’s his front steps because there’s a mailbox next to him labeled MELL BOX in big letters dslkfjdskfjs

Michael’s wearing pants - I think that’s just textually accurate but reporting it anyway

When Mr. Heere comes over (“do you love him?”), he puts one leg on the top step and Michael is eye-level with his crotch. Michael has trouble tearing his eyes away. This happens a few times. In my opinion, it made him come off as a lot more high than he usually does lol

If I remember correctly, they get very intense and like shoulder-grabby at one point. Could’ve been a different scene though I dont remember OTL OTL

The Play

Michael comes out of the audience!!! It was cool it was meta lol

PINKBERRY CANON SDLKFJDKLFJKFJLSF. Brooke and Chloe have the Two Rivers dialogue (He didn’t sleep with you? He didn’t sleep with me!) then after Sisters forever! they do these actions to the rhythm of three staccato beats: “Jinx!” *high five(?)* *KISS ON THE LIPS* and instantly pull away. They're extremely normal about it and are just standing there afterwards without moving or acknowledging it. 

Despite being in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, Jeremy is dumbstruck and stares at them for a few beats before moving on to the next line. It was amazing. No notes. 

Jeremy is horrified when Christine starts singing to him. She walks robotically over to him and speaks kind of like she’s reading off a script (hehehe). Jeremy is backing up against a wall and freaking out almost like he’s trying to get away from her. No implication at all that he’s tempted. 

When everyone starts screaming in pain, Michael is screaming in triumph. (Or at least he looked very triumphant, I don’t remember if he screamed lol)

Voices in My Head

Rich is in a wheelchair. Also he doesn't have a lisp.

Rich is wearing Michael’s glasses. When he starts asking about Michael, Michael shows up and takes his glasses back. I think Rich steals them back at some point too? 

Michael acts a lil flirty with Rich - approximately "I'm sure you'll find something very special," then in a tiny high voice: “but not with meeeee…!” and he pushes Rich’s wheelchair so he rolls offstage jdsfkldsfkfd

At “Tell her that she excites you sexually” Rich does a little wheelie to (presumably) represent a pelvic thrust (all of these Rich moments were excellent I loved this Rich sm)

Christine’s squip was Taylor Swift this time!

At “I know the last thing I deserve is another shot, but…” He trails off and there’s a pause before “Just say what’s on your mind, Jeremy.” I know they get together obviously, but it felt like it could go either way! Maybe because it was live.

(And then they cccccome on lets go and do bows, in character i think, and it was amazing the end)

I was gonna write a TLDR here but honestly all of it was amazing and if you want the highlights it’s pretty much just the stuff I bolded!

Also end note the actors were all soooo nice and they let me ramble to them about jeremy for several minutes Q____Q it was amazing im so happy about this still I wish I got their signatures sjdlfkjdsfkdsf

I hope everyone gets to watch the show at some point but otherwise I hope this can be useful to someone!!

#be more chill #bmc #baccp #brook arts center community players #jeremy heere #christine canigula #jenna rolan #rich goranski #brooke lohst #bmc madeline #madeline bmc #text #my posts #ref #bac #jeremy #madeline #brook #chloe #jake #michael #mr. heere #rich

[morimemichael]

Not Allowed

Dbd!Myers x f!Reader

Reader it’s new to the realm, she gets a good first impression on everyone; killer and survivor. Tho there’s certain someone who seams to became too obsessed with her. She doesn’t get it, she thinks this killer hates her with all their guts. Sooner than later she finds that some interactions and relationships are not allowed in the realm.

WG: Some angst and cursing Michael actually talks but this is not actually a warning lol mentions of death, blood and gore. Michael and Ghostface have a bromance cause deep down they are besties. Dbd!Michael it’s based on RZ! Michael here. Use if y/n twice on the entire fic. Ghostface removes his mask. Michael removes his mask. Big old Pewpaw Kazan Yamaoka, aka, the ink is a great hugger. Happy ending(?)

You were brand new to the realm, like a new born baby. You didn’t understand what was going on, one night you went to bed and the next thing you know it’s the uncomfortable feeling of grass and wood sticks on your back. This was beyond clear that it wasn’t your bed.

You woke up scared as hell in an unknown forest to you, it’s was late at night you could tell and you didn’t met a single soul this far. All of that was vanished when the sound of what it seemed a camp fire stroked your ears, and for your surprise it wasn’t just a camp fire you could distinguish the sound of human voices too. It didn’t seem too far from were you currently were. So you walked a little faster while covering your chest with your own arms in a sutil attempt to combat the cold weather.

You stepped closer to the people in the camp fire to ask for help and maybe an answer to what was going on here. As you got closer could see a bunch of girls and a few boys. One of the girls had red hair and running clothes, the Oder one had short black hair, she was wearing glasses, the other one had also shirt hair, she was wearing a black and red shirt and loosen pants, on the other side; one of the boys was tall with very short black hair and when you herd him taking he had a british accent, the other boy had also black hair but it reached the mid of his face.

“Uhm, excuse me?” You said. Your voice low but clear. The red hair girl turned around to look at you. Suddenly everyone stopped talking.

“Oh my god…” The red hair girl stated. “Guys…I think we have a new partner!” She continued.

Everyone smiled at you and presented themselves. It turned out the red hair girl’s name was Meg Thomas, the girl with the glasses was Claudette Morel, the other girl was Nea Karlson, the British guy was David King and the other guy was Jake Park.

“Did you just arrived?” Claudette asked.

“Yeah…I don’t know where I am.” You stated.

“What’s your name girl?” Meg asked.

“Where are you from?” Another question, this time Jake.

“She’s gonna need a lot of help.” You herd David talking.

“Guys, why don’t we just let her sit with us and let her talk?” Nea said. It was the first time she talked.

You smiled for the first time.

You sat next to Meg and Nea and proceeded to tell every detail about you, your name, your age, where were you from. You told them that last night you had a fight with your parents and when you went to sleep you woke up here.

“We get you, we really do.” Jake spoke.

Everyone told you their personal story. How they end up here, but most important of all they told you what was going on in this place.

“There’s uhm…there’s something that we call the entity, that rules all of this place. She can do what she pleases with us and with everyone.” Nea talked looking at you.

“To survive and to keep every thing, no matter how small it might be, here with us, like some food and water, we have to go through trials.” Jake explained.

“Trials?” You asked confused.

“Yeah, we must repair five generators to open the exit gates.” Meg continued.

“That’s it? Just five generators? It’s a piece of cake…” you laughed.

“I wouldn’t say that if i were you…” David looked at you.

“Why not?” You talked back.

David sight, then he explained the most difficult part.

“We must face a killer that will be with us in the same place.”

“WHAT!? A real killer? Like from slasher movies?” You stated.

“Yes, a real killer.” David stated.

“N-no, no, I wanna go home, please!” You yell at the sky hopping this entity would hear you and somehow pity you.

Everyone looked at you with sad eyes, they knew you weren’t going home anytime sooner.

“Wish we could do something about it, I’m so sorry.” Jake spoke again after a long time.

You moved your head to the sides and looked down, a long sigh scapes your mouth. “Shit…” that’s all that came from you. Everyone remained silent for a while until you spoke again.

“So, how this trial thing works?”

“Well, the entity select some of us for the trial, four survivors to be exact. To help you in the trial you can carrie an object with you, this objects being a toolbox or a flashlight or a med kit and others. Every object has their own use, the toolbox can be use on the generators or to sabotage the hooks the killer use to hook us, by the way; the killer’s main goal is to hook us all in those hooks, flashlights are meant to blind the killer and save your teammates that se going to get hook, and last but not least the med kit as its name suggests can be use to heal yourself or your teammates. Also when you get hook-“ Claudette was interrupted by survivors who just came back from a trial. Four survivors emerged from the dar fog of this place.

“Gosh, that trial was so easy, I need something more challenging!” A young girl with blonde hair spoke.

“Hey Laurie, who was the killer this time?” David asked her.

Laurie? Like the same Laurie from the Halloween movies? You thought to yourself. The intrigue of knowing if you were right was eating your brain, you know you wouldn’t last any longer so you had to ask her.

“The trickster.” This girl said looking at David.

“Uhm excuse me, Laurie? Like Laurie Strode form the Halloween movies?” You finally asked her.

“Yes! I’m her. You must be new right?” She smiled back at you.

“Yes, in fact I got here a few moments ago.” You then proceed to present yourself.

“So nice to meet you! I know we’re gonna be good friends, watcha say new girl?” Laurie had a content face. New girl huh? You liked the new nickname.

“I hope so! By the way I loved that nickname!” Laurie smiled back at your words.

Nea joined your conversation with Laurie explaining further more how the trials work.

“Continuing with the trials, we’re gonna spawn in a map. In this map you will find certain constructions you can use to loop the killer, evade them or confuse them.

“Ok.” You listen very carefully to what Nea said.

Sooner than later you realize that some of the survivors that came with Laurie were from the Resident Evil game franchise. Leon and Jill were here, you wondered if others form the same games were too. You smiled when you saw Chris and Claire in this place too. You presented yourself like you did with everyone else and they seemed to like you as much as the rest did.

“We should tell you that some survivors came along with their respective killers, generally they are related to them. For example, Leon and me came along with Nemesis.” Jill explained.

“So…if you guys came along with Nemesis that means you Laurie came along with M-“

“Yes, I came along with Michael Myers.” She finished the sentence for you. The second you hear that afirmation you knew you no longer wanted to get back home.

“Gosh that’s awesome! I love the Halloween movies, as much as the Resident Evil games or the Scream movies. I love Halloween season so much, and Halloween loves me.” You gave the guys a mischievous smile.

“That’s great! But do let me tell you that most of the killers aren’t nice as us survivors. Some of them lack empathy and act rude. Tho I have to say some killers are nice sometimes.” Leon’s voice was calm but it sounded firm.

“I see, so uhm…Michael?” Your question was meant to find out how he acts in this place.

“Well, Michael has his “I think I could spare you” moments sometimes, but most of the time he just hooks us…he’s very accurate I would say.” Laurie didn’t have anything left to say about Michael.

You couldn’t help but feel a mix of disappointment and excitement, you wanted to face him so bad by now. Eventually the time for your first trial came, thankfully you weren’t alone, Laurie got picked too. You asume that the most optimal object to take with yourself for your first trial was med kit.

Soon the trial started and you couldn’t believe your eyes when you saw that the killer you were going against was none other than Michael Myers himself. You were over excited, you wanted to say hi, let him know how much you liked his movies. You wander how he was going to act this time, you assumed since you were new maybe he could spare you. He was lurking near the generator you were currently working on, unaware you were conscious he was there.

Something inside you made you leave the generator and get closer to Michael. You could see he was stalking Jill, who was also picked with you, David was here too, somewhere on the map. You got closer and closer to Michael until you were near his back. The sound of a wood stick breaking under your feet gave you away. He stopped on his track and tilted his head to the left making you know he heard you. Your heart was ricing at this point. He turned around completely to face you. You could hear him breathing behind his mask. His blueish eyes analyzing you. The leafs under his feet made a cracking noise as he slowly walked towards you. Walking in circles around you he kept looking you up and down. Something form you caught his attention, maybe you reminded him form someone, he didn’t know. One thing was certain, besides looking you he was also stalking you. He made a final step in front of you, this time he was very near you. You instantly thought it was your end when he lifted his kitchen knife at you. You closed your eyes ready to get hit and downed, but the empty feeling of nothing tearing your flesh apart made you open your eyes. Yes, he was still there but his didn’t made a single move against you, he didn’t even tried to down you.

“I-i uhm know you! I love your movies.” You didn’t know why you said that. You felt so stupid. He didn’t answer of course he just tilted his head to the left.

He started moving forward through the map that’s stroke you late it was Haddonfield. You were following him, you didn’t fully understand why he didn’t try to kill you or stab you. Asking him questions didn’t seemed a bad idea to you tho. “So, how you end up here?” And another one “How long have you been here?” And another “Why don’t you talk?”, “Don’t you miss your home?”, “I told you i love your movies right? I think i did..” You even told him your name and your age and the place you came form, even how you end up here. But he never answered, all he did was stopping whenever you asked something and turn around to look at you.

Later than sooner you realize he was heading toward Laurie, who happened to see all the interactions between Michael and you.

“New girl? What are you doing?! RUN!” She screamed at you. She stepped forward to grab your hand, and just as she saw Michael was going for you she stepped in the middle of you to. Michael grabbed her instead. He grabbed Laurie by the throat and buried the long kitchen knife in her abdomen.

“OH MY GOD LAURIE!” You scream in panic. The young blond girl struggled against Michael who buried the knife deeper fully killing her.

“LEAVE HER ALONE PLEASE, DON’T HURT HER!” Blood leaving Laurie’s body as he throws her on the street asphalt. He lowered his knife for a second and walked to your side, he looked again at you, this time inches away from your face. You closed your eyes waiting for your inevitably fate, which it never came. He lifted his knife again and went for the rest of the survivors, Jill and you were left until it was only you.

“Shit…” you muttered to yourself. You were just meters away from Michael who was facing back at you and still had his knife up.

You heard a little noice of something opening near you, but Michel herd it too. This time walking towards you, ready to curse him you saw how he walked pass you a few meters away and turned to look at you again, this time putting his knife down. He look down at what it seemed to you like a little door on the street, and look back up at you. You didn’t understand. You catch up with him and looked him dead in his dark eyes.

“Fuck..you..and this place and your stupid movies!!” He gestured down to the little gate again.

“I don’t get it!! I don’t know what it means…freak.” You were really starting to hate him, or you were just scared. Claudette didn’t finish to tell you that this things happen frequently. Deaths happen frequently, but you just didn’t know it. Michael gestured one last time to the little door and then looked up at you.

“FUCK! I don’t want it! Screw you bastard!” You push him a little bit, you knew this time you went too far when he grabbed you by your throat and push you against the nearest parked car. You tried your best to hit him hard, unfortunately he didn’t even react.

“I-i can’t…can’t breath Mich-michael…” You felt your air leaving your lungs. He gave you his signature look and move his knife closer to you. Then you finally felt it. Cold, it sting like, you finally felt the pain. Then all over again, and again, and again. He stabbed you, more than once. He wasn’t stabbing vital points, he was going slow.

“Please…” You pleaded, in vain, cause he didn’t stop. Instead he got out all the knife and finally stabbed you deeper. Little pain sounds scaped your mouth, and for the first time on this place you cried. Then all turned black. Just like that you were gone.

Michael put your body down, surprisingly with gentle moves. He kept looking at your dead body noticing what was left of your tears. He wasn’t going to kill you. When he saw you for the first time moments ago something woke up in him, he didn’t know what it was. You intrigued him in a way nothing ever did before. He wasn’t bother by your questions, the first time he looked at you was because he didn’t know what to do, he analyzed your gestures your face, your eyes...the other times he stopped when you asked him a question was on purpose, he wanted to look at your precios eyes just to be sure he wasn’t making it all up. He didn’t want to kill you, but…why did you act like that? He wanted you to leave, damn he even offered you the hatch. The second those hurting words left your mouth he felt attacked. He was trying to be nice, to do something nice…why couldn’t you be nice to him too? He was hurt, you caught his attention, but you hurt him. Why? You even said you loved his movies, why were you being so rude to him? He let his knife fell to the street, looking down he brought one hand to his masked face and one single scream was heard on Haddonfield that night. He was the only one left there.

The feeling of your death still lingered on your body the first time you came back to the camp fire. Laurie, Jill and David were already there due to that they have been killed earlier before you. You couldn’t help but feel awful.

“He…killed…he killed us. Like we were nothing.” You sounded so disgusted.

“Yeah new girl…most of the time it is like this. We forgot to tell you that killers hook survivors to sacrifice them to the entity. Or sometimes they can kill us with their own hand…like Michael did.” Laurie explained. You were so relieved to know that even if you or anyone gets killed they came back.

“I tried to be nice…i-i really did. I even want sure if he was going to kill me, but then he got you Laurie…” You continued.

“I saw all of it. And it was rare! He never acted like that with new survivors.” Laurie exclaime surprised.

“What you mean?” You replied back.

“He wasn’t just stalking you…he seemed to be analyzing you as well…who knows for what or why?” Laurie confirmed.

“Well that didn’t go well did it? I think he hates me…”

“I think he saw something in you. He likes you…” Laurie’s word were spoken so low you didn’t hear her, tho the rest of the survivors did, and they shared the same theory. Because killers can be nice sometimes, you heard killers like Ghostface, or Deathslinger, or even Oni had a good side….but Michael? He was known to be nice just three or four times since he got in the realm. It was unusual his behavior. And they know it, specially Laurie who came with him and Danny the Ghostface who seemed to grow closer to Michael over the years.

On the other hand, in the distant across the camp fire were the killers. They were all in the same place, hanging and resting like survivors did. It existed a physical barrier that separated the camp fire form the killers. Both survivor and killer could get near this barrier but couldn’t cross it. Survivors could meet the killers on trials or if the decided to go to certain map or place. Once there they could interact. But some interactions were not allowed. It’s not like something bad would happen to the survivor or the killer, it was the fact that the entity didn’t want that in her realm. It was known that when a killer didn’t do well in the trial, the entity would punish them, maybe she would make them see something they fear or hurt them the most, something about their past maybe. This only happens when the entity consideres it necessary.

Danny, Kazan, Caleb and Herman were watching the trial. They were also surprised Michael tried to spare the new girl. Of course the also saw how you rejected the offer. Michael came back to the other side of the camp fire with the rest of the killers, head pointing down.

“Hey Mike, you’re okay?” Danny asked him, his vice distant due to the ghost face mask. Michael didn’t answer he just looked at him. It’s not that they didn’t hear him talking tho, this time he just chose to remain silent and walk away. Danny was going to follow him but Caleb stopped him.

“Leave him be, give him some space…” Danny looked at him, then his head turned to look at Michael walking away. His eyes looked down behind his mask. He then decided to walk away too.

“Rejection can hurt.” Kazan said. His English still had a fainted Japanese accent.

“Sure does.” Herman added.

Michael made sure there was nobody with him. Once he realized he was all alone, his hands reached the bottom of his mask and pulled it up, reveling his face. Long blond and a little dirty hair covered part of his face. He couldn’t stop thinking about you. Your eyes, the way you walked with him while asking questions, your hair, your face…then he remembered those harsh words leaving your mouth. He wanted to understand, he needed to understand so bad why, why did you do that? He was trying to be nice, he usually isn’t. He knows he’s mean, selfish, he has a dark twisted heart, if he even had one. He find himself surprised by the choice of letting you go, to leave through the hatch. He lives for the hunt, the cat and mouse play, the adrenaline he feels when he kills. He’s no good and he knows it very well. On the other hand he felt hurt at your words…he felt…something was wrong with him, it must be right? He never experienced anything let along feelings. So he got to the conclusion that he was just offended by some words. You had offended him, yet here he is, thinking non stop of you.

Back to the others, Caleb was taking with Kazan.

“I think…I think he either likes her or she became his obsession. I mean, she seems like a nice girl, we didn’t cross paths yet. He’s the first one she goes against.” Said Caleb.

“Dark, twisted, small and very broken, but he has it.” Kazan abruptly said. Caleb wasn’t following.

“Excuse me?

“Soul.” Kazan explained. “His soul is dark, twisted, small and very broken, but he has one.” He finished. Caleb rises an eyebrow at Kazans words as to say he is not understanding him.

“Souls, I can see. Souls, I can sense.” Kazan said.

“It’s that so? How’s mine then?” Caleb teased.

“Baka…” It wasn’t rare at all for the Oni to speak Japanese now and then, he just told Caleb he’s a moron.

“Oh come on Kazan! You know my Japanese it’s not fresh!” Caleb protested then saw Kazan walking away.

Days turned into weeks in the realm and you were getting better at trials and so far killer you face killer you got to like you, not as much as Michael apparently. The things with him didn’t change unfortunately. Whenever you two go against each other he tries to give you hatch even if he didn’t sacrifice anyone. All the words that left your mouth were hate words and curse words. You decided if he was going to hate you you will hate him back. Tho deep down you didn’t like that idea. Now and then you catch yourself waking pass the limit of the barrier, just in case you see him. At this point it was like a dynamic. You would face him in a trial, get at his nerves, sometimes he would try to give the hatch anyway but you always complain. And that ends in painful death. You felt like he kills you slower than the rest on purpose. He won’t admit that he also walks pass the limit of the barrier, but in his case he does see you, he sees everything thing you say or do. Of course he does this intentionally. He doesn’t know why he keeps torturing you like he does, or even why he keeps torturing himself watching you knowing nothing will ever happen. Maybe all he wants is to make you hurt, because that way he gets to hear you begging him and saying his name so low.

Michael…please. Stop it.

A soft beg said in a soft voice. All you ever mean by this is for him to stop killing you like he does. He gets you sacrificed sometimes, but you rather get sacrificed a million times than to feel the cold of his kitchen knife stabbing you deep in your guts in the most slow way possible.

By now, you have met all the survivors and went against every killer. But you were closer to Laurie, Nea, Jill, Leon, Yun Jin, Feng, Yui, Oni, Ghostface, the Deathslinger, the Spirit and Wesker. It’s not like you didn’t like the rest of killers and survivors, you just were closer with some. You would often speak with Wesker to hear about genetic stuff, and then you would tease him about some random word you thought it was funny. He would look at you and say something like:

“Hey don’t push me new girl, you will not want me to go Michael!” He laughed. His sense of humor was evident not shared with yours.

“That was not funny Albert.” You said, he looked down.

“I apologize.”

“Rude..” You smiled when you heard Kazan saying that when Albert left.

This far you couldn’t really complain about your staying here. You wish things with Michael were different tho. There was this time when you faced The Doctor, and you were carrying a flashlight, you were getting good at flashlight saves, everything was laugh and fun. You blind him several times, and save your teammates a couple of other time too.

“Hey stop it with the flashlight, new girl! I can call you new girl too right?” Herman asked, annoyed but with a yet friendly tone. In response you pointed the flashlight to his face and granted permission to call you bay your nickname.

“Come on!!! Stop it! I’m warning ya!” He yeld.

“Or what doc?” You really weren’t taking him seriously. Next thing you know is you’re hooked then unhooked, and hooked again. The second time one of your teammates unhooked you, Herman tunneled you and killed you with his own hands.

When you came back to the camp fire you were laughing like a maniac. You really had a good time, not fully caring if you got tunneled or not. Michael, on the other hand, didn’t like that. Not.a.single.bit.

What happened next? The next trial you went on, you and Feng were the only ones left, and guess what? Your were going against Michael, again. This time was different, he actually down you with normal hits and hooked you, it was your first hook when Feng tried to rescue you. It’s not necessary to say Michael grabbed her before she could unhook you. He grabbed poorFeng by the neck and then looked at you, then back at Feng, she knew what was coming. He killed her with his own hand many times before, she didn’t mind at this point. But you? Oh boy you did care…

“Michael…” You say terrified. He tilted his head, he didn’t say a single word but you knew he meant to say “what?” He lift her from the ground and started to get his knife out.

“No please…Michael,” You knew he saw that trial with Herman, you were having fun with the flashlight, then you got tunneled, but you didn’t care, why did he? You could tell it was some type of pay back on Herman, because Feng was his survivor. But..you weren’t his…

Of course Michael was getting his pay back, he just wasn’t going to admit it to you. Pay back exactly for what? For the tunneling? Or maybe was cause he saw you laughing and having fun with Herman instead of him. He thinks he deserves that from you too. Or maybe not, by the way he kept killing you he didn’t doubt why you hated him so much. He just didn’t know what to do. Deep down he must feel that he has to hurt you bad because you hurted him, you kind of rejected him, and one part of him resented you for that. But his other part knows that giving you the worst death of the trial was the only way to get you to talk nicely to him…the way you beg…maybe he wanted so bad to hear you beg cause he couldn’t let himself beg you for attention, for that thing he felt only wfor his mother and his little baby sister, a little bit of love.

Him? Begging? Michael Myers never begged. Victims beg him for mercy, beg him to spare them. He wouldn’t allowed to do that himself.

“Please!!! PLEASE!! LET HER GO!” He didn’t listen any of your words, and the tip of his knife threatened to go deeper into Feng’s belly. You didn’t know what else to do, what else could you say.

“I’m sorry Michael! I’m so sorry, it’s my fault!” The desperate plea for Michael to stop for a second. He knew you didn’t mean to apologize for how you been treating each other. You meant that Feng death was your fault. He turned to look at you. For a second you thought you got it, he would stop. Reality hitter you like a truck when you heard Feng’s desperate cries of pain.

“NOO! PLEASE! FENG!” You cried and sobbed hard. “I’m so sorry Feng.” You apologized to your already dead friend laying on the cold snow of Ormond.

“Why…” Tears falling from your eyes like waterfalls. “Why are you doing this to me? Why I’m not even allowed to have friends…I need them Michael…” you continued.

He remained silent.

“I fucking hate you…your making it impossible for me to be here!” You reclaim.

Imposible for her? He thought. You were the one who put his world and all he knew this entire time upside down. If your harsh words hurt him, this hurt him even more. All of a sudden he got closer to you, and closer….to the point you two were face to face. He hit you with his knife while you were hooked. It was already too late when he noticed that the sharp blade of his knife had cut deep on your throat.

Your face of sudden realization he sliced your throat and your were bleeding out was too much for him. He closes his eyes every time he kills you, but this was too much. This felt way more painful that his normal killing mode. Tears running down your face as you tried to cover your bloody throat in pain. Not being able to tolerate seeing you die like this in so, so much pain, Michael left. He left you there alone to die in the cold.

The trial ended and Michael came back before you, stepping into the other side of the camp fire with the rest of the killers, he was met with Danny, Kazan and Herman.

“Bro…was cutting her throat open really necessary there?” Danny asked him, not really judging him, cause after all you got sacrificed and that what counted. Michael leaned back against the nearest tree there. He looked at Danny, and for the first time since he met you he decided that talking wasn’t going to hurt him that bad.

“No it wasn’t. I don’t know why I did that.” He answered Danny’s question.

Herman decided to join the conversation too.

“Are you okay Michael?” Herman asked. Michael didn’t reply what he expected. He looked at Herman, and for one second he felt ashamed of what he did to Feng Ming, but specifically why he did it. And then something he never thought he would say.

“I’m sorry about Feng Ming.” Herman opened his eyes more…if that was even possible.

Michael gathered himself from the tree and walk away. Kazan made a gesture to Danny. Follow him, that’s what he was tending to say. Needless to say Danny got the hint almost immediately. Danny stood up and quickly tried to put up with Michael.

On the camp fire side, desperate cries and tears came down your face. It turns out that, since Michael cutted your throat while you were still on hooked, when you came back you found out by Laurie’s words that a thin but long scar adorned you neck. You couldn’t believe it. You loved using necklaces and stuff, but now? You wouldn’t be able to use one without the scar sticked to your neck like a bad tattoo.

“I can’t believe this…” You cried. You were so weak that Laurie was holding you by your left arm as Rebecca told you to go to the medical support room, which it was only another part of the camp fire, but with the few things Rebecca could gathered around to help, heal and examine other’s wounds.

“It’s ok girl…we got you.” Laurie reaffirmed. You wouldn’t stop crying. Rebecca was walking in front of you, and Laurie still by your side. You heard a distant “Michael wait!” You recognized that voice immediately.

Ghostface…Danny. You thought. You knew He was close with Michael so you figured out he must be with him.

If I see him I’ll kill him. You thought to yourself. Of course you knew the odds of actually killing a Killer were none, %0. But this time Michael has gone too far and now all you wanna do is tell him how bad he has hurt you. Was he even going to react at your words? Probably not. You turn to look at your left were the barrier was, and you were right. Ghostface was trying to keep up the pace walking Michael had. Laurie seemed to notice you notice Michael on the other side, and gesture to Rebecca to stay with you for a moment.

“Hey, Michael…HEY!” She spoke caughting his attention. Michael stopped and turned to look at Laurie as she got closer and closer to the barrier.

“What’s your deal with her?! You went too far this time! She came back crying and sobbing like an animal!” Michael didn’t react to her words, which only made you angrier. You stepped closer to the barrier as well next to Laurie, this time you were beyond hurt.

“Why…? Why you hate me su much?!” That’s all you could ask.

Michael looked at you but to he was showing no emotions, and you were really starting to suspect it was not due to his mask, you truly believed he hates you for something you couldn’t completely understand.

“You know what? Fuck it I’m done trying to talk to you and to ask-no, beg you to speak back to me and tell me what I did wrong…” tears running down your face.

Michael saw you crying, leaning against Laurie for help. The effort you did in your last trial with him was too much to handle for your little frame. Besides, the feeling of getting your throat cut open was awful. His eyes looked down behind his mask, he couldn’t stand seeing you like this. The sound of your cries and sobbing were tearing through his chest, straight to his heart, if he even had one. He didn’t put a name to what he was feeling and experience when you were with him or near him, all he knew was death, blood and pain. He couldn’t afford to feel anything else…right? With that in mind he turned around and walk away silently.

“Yeah, walk away…like you always do.” You said in a low tone. Throat still hurting for the previous abused it received. He pretend no to listen to what you say. He couldn’t help but feel how something inside started to break.

Michael wondered if the entity was going to do something about this eventually. Little did he know that in reality, the entity was amazed by you and how you treated Michael the first time you met him. Needless to say, that the entity knew how both of you felt for each other. And the only reason she was going to allow what she was going to do, was because she knew both, you and Michael, would react eventually and arrange the differences between you two.

The entity had a plan.

Michael kept stalking you from the dark the rest of the night, that’s how he found out you wanted a choker to cover up the nasty scar. He wasn’t alone tho, Danny was with him. “Ahh…I really would like a choker.” Those were your exact words.

“You heard that Mike?” Danny asked looking at him, smiling behind his mask. Michael nodded.

“I..want to apologize..for..everything I did to her.” Michael said, looking down, eyes to coward to look at you complaining about the scar, a scar he gave you.

“Hey! Now we’re talking!” Danny’s voice a little bit enthusiastic. “How you plan on doing that? I don’t think by just saying that she will even consider to forgive you man…”

“I’ve got an idea…” Michael looked at Danny, then proceeded to whisper in his covered ear what he was going to do.

“It sounds great Mike! You’ll will need lots of paper and fabric. Maybe your mask supplies might work that thing as well!” Danny said looking at your throat’s scar.

“I’m going to Haddonfield.” And with That Michael made his way to his own home town.

Michael spent all night on Haddonfield working on something to give you as for an apology. On the other hand, you didn’t do much, you didn’t had trials that day, until like 6 o’clock you spent your time talking with Kazan, and Danny.

“I don’t like my scar…”

“Scars are sings of fight, if you survive fights it means your strong, therefor scars shows strength.” Kazan spoke.

“I agree with this big red guy here.” Danny added.

“I guess your right guys.”

Somewhere meters away from you, on the killer side, Evan and Caleb were sharing a interesting conversation. You see, Evan since he’s been here long before most of the killers he can speak with the entity sometimes.

“So…your telling me the entity’s plan is basically hope for the best? There’s no way we can know how he will react to it. He has never been punished before!” Caleb said.

“We gotta trust her plan Caleb.” Evan said, his gaze looking up where the entity is supposed to be.

“I hope she don’t do wrong.”

“She never does, Caleb. She never does.”

Time passed and you keep talking with Kazan and Danny from your side of the camp. Danny telling you something about his camera you didn’t quite catch the meaning. It was so specific and technical you didn’t even try to understand it. Then you asked Kazan to tell you everything he knew about the Samurai. You’ve always loved Japanese culture, you wanted to go someday to japan too.

“I would have loved to travel to Japan…” Your voice flooded with sadness.

“It’s so beautiful…my country…I don’t doubt you would have love it.” Kazan replays.

You were so focused on your conversation with Kazan and Danny that you didn’t notice Michael joining them. When you saw him all the joy on your face instantly disappeared. It’s like you couldn’t had one minute alone, not even a day! Kazan and Danny didn’t understand your sudden change of mood.

“What the hell do you want now?” You said, eyes wouldn’t dare to leave that white mask of his.

Both Kazan and Danny looked at each other, raised their shoulders until they looked behind themselves.

“Guys, can we move somewhere else please? I don’t have time nor the energy to deal with this freak.” You said looking dead to Michael’s eyes. Danny examined Michael for a moment and noticed something in his right hand.

“New girl…” Danny looked at you.

“What??” You already sounded pissed.

“Please, just give him a moment…” He said. It was the first time you heard The Ghostface say “please”, so for the sake of it you listed.

Michael stepped closer to the barrier, Danny and Kazan gave him space so his now was positioned in the middle. He reached his right hand to the edge of the barrier beneath him and tossed something to your side. You looked at it confused.

“I don’t get it, the hell do you want?!” You yeld at him.

Michael looks down at the object then back up at you. He wanted you to grab it. You sigh ruin discomfort as you bent down to grab it. Still didn’t catching what it was. All you knew it was soft to the touch.

“And I’m still don’t getting it, maybe I’m just stupid or perhaps you should fucking talk to me already!!” You were getting angrier every minute.

“I think you should open it..” Kazan has an idea of what could it been, you said earlier that you hated your scar, so he though maybe it was a necklace. You looked at Danny for his opinion too. He just nodded.

“Agh!! The things I do for you guys…” You said, your voice still angry. Michael couldn’t help but to feel bad you wanted to spend time with them but not with him.

Your eyes filled with anger when you saw this thing was a choker, and you didn’t even know why. Deep down you wanted to forgive him, you just couldn’t seem to find a reason.

“Sorry.” A single word scaped Michael’s mouth. It was the first time he ever spoke to you. Yet you felt it wasn’t enough. This wasn’t a worthy apology.

“Sorry? SORRY?! That’s all you could came up with?

“New girl, I think you shou-“ You didn’t let Danny finish.

“Your pathetic! Your fucking pathetic you hear me? I can’t believe I told you I loved your movies. How I regret that, I regret being nice to you..” You were angry as ever.

The bad treat continued, once, twice..you couldn’t count how many bad, nasty and hurting things you said to him.

“Childish!”

“Coward!”

“Fuckin evil!!”

“I hope you die fucking bastard, I want you dead!”

You tossed back the choker to the other side in contempt, and when you finished something scaped your mouth. Something that even in the most agitated of situations you wouldn’t even think of saying.

“Your mom was a fucking whore, a filthy slut. I bet she didn’t even wanted to have you in the first place!! Why don’t you just leave me alone, damn it!” You yelled at him hitting the invisible barrier that separated you from him and your friend killers. You knew thanks to the movie his mom used to be a stripper. His heart skipped a bit when you said that. Now he knew for sure he had a heart.

If he was hurt before now he was torn to pieces. But what torn apart his heart the most was knowing that, despite what you had just said, what he felt for you didn’t change a damn bit. With no more further a do, he proceeded to walk away. Danny followed him as usual, trying to get him to stay.

“Come on Mike! Don’t leave.” He yelled. “You went way too far kid…Kazan, looked at the choker.” He continued, he notice something written inside the choker, you just hadn’t seen it. Kazan took the little fabric from the dirty ground, wipped of the dirt and read it. Danny far gone by now.

“Kazan…? What does it say?” You asked him.

“You made me human…” This words stabbed you right in your chest. You knew very well the pain of getting stabbed, but this? This can’t be compared.

You felt awful. Why did you said that? It’s not like you even meant it. You felt your eyes filling with tears again at what you just said to him. All alone you thought that hurting him back the way he’d hurt you would make you feel better. But it didn’t. It just made you feel worse. Like you had no soul.

“I…I really messed up here, didn’t i? Kazan?” You looked at his red Oni mask.

“I’m afraid you did…” He confessed.

“Oh my god…what did I do?” You tried to see if you could find Michael with your eyes from your side of the camp. What you didn’t know was that the moment Michael tossed you the choker he made the entity put to work her own plan. You could hear a distant voice, again it was Danny.

“Hey, Mike! Hey!! Michael!” Danny exclaimed, yet no answer from Michael. Danny’s exclamations for Michael became more and more audible. Something was wrong, you knew it, you could feel it. You ran in direction of Danny’s voice.

“Dude wake up! Michael!” Danny kept saying. You got there panting and sweating. Kazan followed a little bit after.

“What’s wrong with him?” You asked.

“I don’t know, he was like this when I catch up with him.”

You could see his body was struggling. His left hand holding his knife, knukles white as milk. His breathing could be heard from where you were. He was getting trouble to breathe. Soft pants and groans suddenly left his mouth too. He sounded like he was in pain, but physically he looked fine. No blood or sings of injuries. It take you a lot of effort to notice through his eyes of his mask that his real eyes were glued shut and a few tears running down.

“Oh my god…his eyes! Look at his eyes.” You told Danny.

“He’s crying!” Danny said surprised.

“Something’s wrong with him. Something’s wrong with him!” You exclaimed. His groans and pants became louder.

“Ahh agh…” Michael complained. Hearing him like this putted you on desperate mode. You tried hitting the barrier unsuccessfully, even kicked it several times.

“Please let in through!” You yelled at the sky, knowing the entity will hear you.

“Do something, guys. Help him! I can’t do anything from here!”

Danny tried to shake his body. No responce. Kazan snaked his body even harder. Again, no response. You noticed some pamphlets in the ground near his boots. You pointed this out to Danny and Kazan. It didn’t took you long to realize that those were her mother’s stripper pamphlets. So did Ghostface and Oni.

“He’s being punished…” Kazan said.

“What? Why?!” You cried. “It’s because of the choker?” You asked.

“Maybe, we don’t know.” Danny spoke.

“No! Please, it’s not his fault it’s mine! I’m the one who should be punished. Please!” You begged to the entity. At this point Michael had his head looking up. Grantings of pain still scaped his mouth.

“No Michael, Michael…listen to me!” You looked at his poor suffering form. “I was wrong. I was wrong! All of this wasn’t your fault. I overreacted, okay? And your mom? Your mom was a beautiful person. She did everything she could for you and both your sisters! I was wrong Michael. I’m so sorry…so so sorry! I didn’t mean anything of this to happen…” You sobbed while explaining yourself. Michael managed to look down at you.

Desperation taking over your body, you punched and kicked the barrier. Demanding the entity to let you in just this once.

“Please!! Please, i-I’ll do anything!” You begged her.

From the distant, Caleb and Evan could hear your screams. They know what was already happening, that’s why the decided that not interfering was the best option. Nothing could have prepared the people on this realm for what was about to happen. Your hands banging the barrier were suddenly met with grass and dirt. You fall, that was for sure. But you had fallen into the other side of the camp. To everyone’s surprise, there was no barrier separating both camps anymore.

“Did just the barrier…” Caleb asked Evan. “What did just the entity do?”

“Allowing what was not allowed.” Evan sounded happy. The entity’s plan was working.

You didn’t have time to enjoy your new freedom nor did you killer friends. As soon you got up you went straight to Michael. Holding him by his broad shoulders, you reassured him.

“I’m here Michael! I’m here. Please come back to me.” You begged him, this time was different. You noticed his hands still struggling and clenched. You grabbed the hand that was holding the knife to see if you could easy some of that tension. Worried eyes examining his mask to catch any sign that he was okay.

Suddenly his struggling stopped and his head went down. Your hands fly up to grab his masked face only to be met by his free hand around your neck, squeezing tightly.

“Dude what are you doing?!” Danny yelled.

“Michael, it-it’s me…” Your air leaving your lungs. His hand dangerously tight around your neck. Threatening to break it right there.

“Judith…” He growled. The entity no longer had him seeing the posters of his stripper mother, his school bullies or his stepfather. Now he was having living flashbacks of his older sister, Judith.

“N-no, Michael please, y-you know me…” It was getting hard for you to speak due to the lack of oxygen.

“Don’t speak.” His hand squeezing harder. “I hate you.” The flashbacks of his selfish sister were really getting to him. It all was so real to him that without noticing he was getting his knife near your belly again.

“Dude-dude, if you killer her she’s not coming back, she’s it coming back Michael!” Danny said trying his best to help you. Michael looked at him for one second or two, then he continued to reach for your belly. In a desperate measure, Danny took off his ghostface mask and grabbed Michael’s hand that was holding his signature kitchen knife.

“Mike, who am i?” Danny asked. Another desperate attempt to make him come back to himself.

“L-loomis.” Michael growled at him.

“No, Michael you know me, come on! Who am i? He asked again.

“D-danny..Danny.” Michael said. You could see the tears in his eyes. He was fighting this.

“Good! Good, now, who is she? You got this you know her.” Danny cheered him up. Michael looked at you, eyebrows frowned.

“J-j…Judidth.”

“No..” You left out a sight. You cried even harder when you noticed Michael raising the knife up.

“Dude stop!!” Danny yelled again, this time ready to do something about it but Kazan had to hold him down.

“Let me go Kazan!”

“You’re only going to make it worst.” He stated, holding Danny down.

“Michael..” You sobbed. You prepared yourself when he got ready to stab you. One final stab, and you were going to see dark…fall to eternal sleep. One last thing scaped your mouth before closing your eyes.

“I love you, Michael Myers…” it was low, you hadn’t much air left. But you didn’t want to leave this world without letting him know this. You glue shut your eyes one last time to embrace his final stab. You even heard Danny screaming “Stop!! Stop it!!!” You were ready now, waiting patiently for your inevitable fate. You flinched your eyes anticipating the blade, but the blade cutted through nothing. You opened your eyes. Somehow you succeeded to get Micheal back. The entity’s plan had worked without you even noticing. He let you fell to the ground so as he did with his knife. Danny and Kazan ran to help you get up. You tried to reach for Michael’s arms but he rejected your touch.

“No…i-i” That was all he could say.

“It’s not your fault Michael.” You assure him. But he just took off leaving the three of you there. He wasn’t the only one afraid to keep touching you it appear. Danny hand left your arm and Kazan took a step back. You gave them a “I’m not following you guys” look.

“It’s just that…this barrier thing, never happened before. We never touched you before, none other than to kill you ir sacrifice you…” Danny spoke for both of them, Kazan and himself.

You reached your hand to Danny’s uncovered face, and cupped it in your warmth. He embrace it immediately. Closing his eyes and smiling.

“You look better with the mask off.” You laughed, he did the same.

“If you say so…”

“Kazan…come here!” You told him with opened arms. He seemed hesitant at first.

“Come…” You insisted, smiling.

“Hug?” He asked.

“Yes!” You exclaimed. The tenderness in his hug cought you by surprise for such a big and buffed man like him.

You stayed like that for a few minutes until Michael was the topic of conversation again. You asked Danny where he might have gone.

“I think I know where..” He said.

The single Street and the kind of trees in the block gave the map away very fast. You were again on Haddonfield.

“I know he sometimes comes here to make mask or whenever he feels bad or angry…I don’t know which house it’s his house tho.” Danny explained.

“Oh don’t worry I know which one is it.” You looked at his still uncovered face.

“Okay, good luck New Girl…if he doesn’t speak right away you should come back later.” He said ready to leave when you said one last thing to him.

“You know Danny…your not that bad after all.” It was the first time he heard you call him by his real name, it always had been “hey ghost!” Or “Ghostie!” It felt good hearing that coming from someone he considered a friend.

“You know y/n…Michael wasn’t wrong after all.”

“I don’t follow.”

“You did made us human after all.” You smiled at his statement then he walks back to the camp.

Once you reach Michael’s house you stepped in. Thinking to yourself he must be upstairs you went up. There was only one room with its door opened. Michael must be in there. You were reaching the end of the stairs, walking as slowly as possible to not give your self away. The house wasn’t helping much tho, with each step you made the wood underneath you cracked. He wasn’t unnoticed to the sound he thought perhaps was the wind since he had the windows open. Your small frame compared to his made a silhouette on his door frame.

Once inside his room you could see he had fully decorated its walls with handmade masks he had done himself. Just like in the movie, but that was on the prison cell instead of his real room. You saw him sat in a chair near a wooden desk. His mask still on, his head was down. His chest moving up and down.

"Michael…" You soft voice soothed his ears. He looked at his left, letting you know he knew you were there. "I'm not here to fight you. Not anymore." You said. Michael didn't react. His breathing sounded soft. Him not having any type of reaction made you move closer to him, until you were besides him. Your left hand resting on his right shoulder. Your eyes wondering the masks hanged on the wall in front of you.

"They are beautiful. You know that?" You told him giving his right shoulder little masages. He looked up to contemplate them. You didn't know how you went from looking masks to have him face to face again and your back pressed yo the wall. By now you were expecting nothing less than a kiss. He grabbed you by both your shoulders and lowered his head until it was pressed against your left collarbone.

This is not a kiss. You thought.

Soft sobs could be heard behind his mask, they were muffled by the same, but you were able to hear them. Then suddenly, he spoke again.

“I’m so…so sorry.” Your heart melted at his words and you couldn’t resist but to hold him tight against your little chest compared to his. More muffled sobs coming from Him.

“It’s okay…I’m the one that should be apologizing.” You replied back.

“You already did.” He lift his head to look at you.

You felt the urge to know how he looked behind that mask. What was he hiding. You didn’t have to take out his mask to know he was beautiful. Took your hand move to the edge of it. Michael moved his head back, hesistant.

“Let me see you Mike.” Hearing you calling him Mike was all he needed.

Pulling the mask up with little effort was necessary to take it off. And just as you spectated, he has long blond curly hair, blueish eyes a big, but yet straight nose, and plump heart shaped lips. A beautiful face, just as you thought. You cupped his face with your hands just as you did with Danny.

“You’re beautiful Michael.” Your voice like a sweet whisper. He touched your lips with his thumb, caressing them like it was a newly found treasure. His treasure.

The feeling of his chapped lips on yours was inevitable. Tho he seemed to be the first to started it, as soon as he started he wanted to finish, scared you wouldn’t like it. But you insisted to kiss him longer. You wanted more. It didn’t matter that his lips were chapped. Eventually you two separated to get some air.

“You’re beautiful.” You reassured him again. He put his forehead against yours.

“And you’re the most beautiful human I ever seen.” He replied, voice deep and low. “Y/n?” He added.

“Yeah?”

“I love you too.” He finally said it. Finally admitted it and gave it a name.

A little time went by and now you were sitting on his lap seeing how he made masks. Your left arm wrapped around his shoulders for support.

“So, I put more glue over here and…we are done.” He was showing you how he made his masks.

“This seems interesting to make.” You replied.

“Are you sure you never done this before?” His mouth forming a little smile. Not fully believing you never done a paper mask before.

“Oh well…you caught me. I did. But a like to see you make them.” You said honestly.

“How cute.” Your heart flinched at his words and your cheeks flushed. “I like it when you flush”

“Stop it Michael!” You gave him a little tug on his coverall.

“Never.” He said looking into your eyes and give your nose a quick kiss.

You spent the rest of the night like this, laughing your lungs out and doing disasters with his glue.

That night loud voices were heard at Haddonfield. The difference this time was that Michael wasn’t alone, he had the best company he could’ve asked for.

I hope you enjoyed this! Sorry if there’s misspellings, English it’s not my mother language, have mercy please 🥹 I’m open to requests!!

#michael myers #michael #Halloween #dead by daylight #ghost face #the oni dbd #the deathslinger #dbd #rz!michael myers #michael my beloved #halloween 1978 #halloween 2007 #slashers #ghostface #danny ghostface #ghosface dbd #michael myers x reader #reader insert #no use of y/n #few use of y/n #the oni x reader #ghostface x reader #nea karlsson #meg thomas #claudette morel #resident evil #resident evil dbd #Spotify

[vanfleeter]

Dirty Little Secret (Epilogue) // JTK

Characters: Jake x Fem!Reader Warnings: Mentions of labor, spit up. Allusions to sex. Mostly fluff and happy tears.

Author's Note: SURPRISE! Now we officially end Dirty Little Secret.

~8 Months Later~

Soft guitar strums flow through the air but slowly come to a stop. He straightens up, eyebrows furrowing together as he listens. He thought he heard you calling his name. Suddenly your voice rings out again.

“Jacob!”

Springing up from the patio chair, he runs inside and sets his guitar on the counter top.

“Jacob!”

“I’m coming baby!” He calls as he runs up the stairs. He finds you in the hallway and leaning up against the wall while you hold your belly. “Is it time?”

You nod your head. “I already called the doctor and she said to come in.” He beams a smile from ear to ear and you giggle. “I take it you’re excited?”

The rough hairs of his full grown facial hair rub against the side of your face as he gives you a kiss. “Very..” He says. “Now let’s go have a baby.”

—

Flinching in his chair at the sound of his phone ringing, Josh sits up and places his journal on the table in front of him. Jake’s name flashes on the screen as a melodic ringtone fills the quiet void. “Hello?”

“Hey, are you busy?”

“I was writing a new song. What’s up?”

“I need you to stop by the house and grab a duffel bag from my closet and bring it to the hospital.”

“Duffel… Hospital?” Josh mumbles. “Oh god, what happened? Are you two okay?”

Jake chuckles. “We’re just fine, nothing major. Just had a baby.”

Josh jumps up from his chair. “Nothing major?! You had a baby?! When—What—How–Don’t answer that..”

“Can you please stop by the house? I totally spaced on grabbing the bag.”

“I–Uh, okay.. Bag.. Hospital.. Baby.. Oh I’m going to kill you.” Josh says before hanging up.

–

Meeting Josh outside in the parking lot, he takes the bag and slings it over his shoulder. Josh shoves him to the side before shutting the back door of his jeep. “You’re a fucking ass..”

Jake laughs and throws his arm around Josh’s shoulder. “Want to meet your nephew?”

“Oh, it’s a boy?” Josh squeaks. Jake nods his head and leads him inside.

“You can’t say anything to anyone just yet.” Jake says. “You’re the only one that knows so far.” He knocks on the room door. “Babe, I brought Josh up.” Jake says as he and Josh step into the room.

“Come on in.” You call.

Jake pulls the curtain apart and lets Josh go in first. Josh makes another squeaking noise as he covers his mouth with his hands. “Oh my gosh, he’s so little.” He whispers.

Jake leans over his shoulder. “Why are you whispering?” He says, also in a whisper.

“I don’t know..”

Jake scoffs and pats his back. “You can talk normally.”

“Want to hold him?” You ask.

“I can?”

You nod your head and reach out towards Josh. Josh carefully scoops him up into his arms. He grunts a little and twists his body but eventually relaxes and curls into Josh’s chest. You see Josh’s lip quiver a little and you smile.

“He really is tiny.”

“Six pounds and five ounces.” You say as Jake comes to sit on the bed.

“So he’s the reason you two couldn’t make it to the lake this summer?”

Jake nods his head. “Yeah.. We did have this whole thing planned where we’d just show up and surprise everyone but then she got put on bedrest so we scrapped that plan and just ended up keeping the whole pregnancy a secret.”

Josh lifts his head and looks at you. “And here I thought all these months you just didn’t want to spend time with me.”

“Oh Joshy, of course I want to spend time with you. We just wanted something to be just us.”

“And now you.” Jake chuckles. “I haven’t even called Mom and Dad yet.”

“Oh you know Mom is going to yell at you when you tell her.”

Jake nods his head. “And I’m preparing myself for that now.”

“Alright, I gotta know what his name is or I’m calling him Waldo.”

Jake reaches over into the duffel bag and pulls out a blanket that has a name stitched into it. ‘Michael’. Josh squeaks once more and covers the baby face with his hand. “I can’t look at him..” His lip quivered even more and he hugs the tiny babe closer to his chest. “Why me though?”

“You’re my best friend,” Jake says. “It only makes sense to name him after you.”

“But what about Danny?”

“I’m gonna ask him to be the godfather.” You say.

“I guess that’s fair.” Josh says as he shrugs his shoulders. “He may be the godfather but we’ll all still fight over who will be the favorite uncle.” He whispers to the baby.

—

You finish changing the baby’s diaper while Jake naps on the cot by the window. A knock comes on the door and you softly call for the visitor to come inside. You look up as the door opens and the familiar mop head of curls peers around it. You smile as Danny emerges into the room, his eyes already glossed over.

“I wasn’t convinced when you called, still in disbelief even as I heard a woman screaming a couple floors down because I got off on the wrong floor because my brain was so frazzled after you told me you had a baby, but now that I’m standing here and actually seeing it…” His voice trails off, ending his rambling. “You had a baby?”

“Come here,” You say, holding out your hand. “Come meet your godson.”

You pat the empty space on the bed beside you and he gently lowers himself to sit down. Picking up the baby, you hand him over to Danny and straighten out his hat. “You kept another secret from me..” Danny says, making you giggle.

“With the best intentions,” You say. “We only intended on keeping it to ourselves for a few weeks but then weeks turned into months–eventually everyone got busy and when we actually decided to finally tell everyone at the lake, I was put on bedrest so ironically we just stuck with it.”

Danny chuckles as he looks back down at the baby. “Does he have a name yet?”

You nod your head. “Michael.”

“Oh I bet Josh was thrilled.”

“Cried a little but Jake said he balled like a baby in the parking lot before he left.”

Danny nods his head over in Jake’s direction. “How often has he slept?”

“Honestly, not as much as he should be.” You say. “This is the longest he’s slept in the last two days.”

The baby begins to whine a little, grunting and twisting within Danny’s arms. Danny softly coo’s at him, trying to calm him back down. Jake stirs a little on the cot before pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Is he okay?” He grumbles.

You smile and nod your head. “Just a little whiny.” You say run the tip of your finger down the bridge of the baby’s nose.

“Danny’s here..” Jake mumbles as he stands up from the cot and yawns.

Danny chuckles. “Good morning sleeping beauty.” He jokes. “She told me Josh balled like a baby.”

Jake laughs and nods his head. “That he did. Blubbering mess, couldn’t hold it in any longer–I think a few people stared.”

Danny laughs but immediately recoils when the baby flinches. “Sorry, I’m sorry..” He says as he immediately starts rocking the baby.

You never pictured this, but seeing your best friend panicking over accidentally scaring your baby warms your heart. The way he cradles your son and rocks back and forth while he pats his bottom.

“I do have to say, this has got to be the only secret that I am okay with you keeping.” Danny says. “But I swear to god if you two eloped and didn’t tell anyone, I'm giving this baby back and I’m leaving and never talking to either of you again.”

Jake shakes his head as he sits down on the bed. “No, no.. Not married..yet.” He says. “She wants to get straight into planning it as soon as possible.”

“More like once I lose all this baby weight.” You say.

Danny rolls his eyes. “Shut up, you look gorgeous.”

“Thank you,” Jake says as he throws his hands in the air. “I’ve been telling you that but she won’t listen to me.”

“Oh I’m sorry–next time the two of you can try carrying a baby for nine months, gain thirty pounds, have out of whack hormones and swollen ankles and back pain. Oh and don’t forget the baby constantly resting on your bladder.”

Jake rolls his eyes. “You’re still gorgeous.” He says as he kisses your forehead.

~2 Days Later~

“Careful, careful.” Jake says as he helps you up the stairs. He has one hand gripping yours while he holds tightly to the baby carrier in the other.

“Jake, I’m fine.” You grumble as you step up to the last step leading to the porch. “See? Just fine.”

He sighs and cocks his head. “Quit being bratty.”

“Or what?” You say. He goes to open his mouth but you stop him. “Remember your words mean nothing for six weeks..” He closes his mouth and huffs but you only giggle and unlock the front door.

“Six weeks is pure torture,” He says. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Oh, pfft, I don’t know–maybe help me with the baby?”

“No, I figured I’d just relax on the couch with a beer while you do all the work.” He says as he kicks the door closed with his foot and sets the carrier on the floor.

“Ha ha, very funny.” You say. “Do you care if I go upstairs to shower?”

“You showered yesterday.” Jake says as he unbuckles the baby from the carrier and picks him up.

“Yes well while you were asleep–again–he spit up in my hair and it’s been in this bun ever since.. It’s gross.”

“Next time, pull your hair up when you burp him–like I do.” He says.

After your shower, you step out of the bathroom to hear Jake playing his guitar and the soft tones of his voice as he sings a little lullaby. You continue listening as you get dressed and make your way downstairs to the living room.

Jake has the baby back in the carrier as he sits on the couch with his guitar resting on his knee while he strums a few chords. Jake smiles when he sees but still he keeps playing as you go to sit next to him.

“I can’t stop playing or else he starts crying.” Jake says. “I can only come up with so many tunes.”

You giggle and rest your head on his shoulder. “And to think none of this would have happened if I didn’t wipe ice cream off of your chin.”

“My mouth.” He corrects.

“Oh right, right. Your mouth.” You say, nodding your head.

“There was something about you that I couldn’t resist.” He says as he stops playing. He peers over at the baby but not a peep comes from him and he sighs in relief. Setting the guitar off to the side, he pulls you onto his lap and kisses you. “I can already tell that these six weeks are going to be a very long time.”

“You’ll survive.” You say as you lean to kiss him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Soft whimpers come from the baby and Jake hangs his head backwards as you laugh. Climbing off his lap, you go reach for the baby and scoop him up in your arms. “It’s time to feed you anyways–give Papa a little break.”

Jake leans back on the couch and looks around the room. What once was just a simple living room with guitars and instruments is now filled with baby toys and devices. Sitting up and reaching for his guitar, he carries it over to the stand in the corner of the living room and sets it down. Exhaling, he looks around the room once more. He spots the spit up towel resting across the arm of the couch and he goes to swipe it up just knowing that he’ll be the one to need it here shortly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

tag list:

@losfacedevil @lightmylove-gvf @ignite-my-fire @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @writingcold @jaketlove @mackalah @lexii-nv-c @thetroublegetssoloud71 @emilykamo @em-gvf01 @katiegvf @joshkiszkaenthusiast @takenbythemadness @jakekiszkasmommy @objectsinspvce @gvfmarge @heckingfrick @bluemeadows77 @laneygvf @sacredmachine

#jake kiszka #greta van fleet fic #jake kiszka fanfic #greta van fleet fanfic #jake kiszka fic #greta van fleet #jake kiszka smut #dad!jake #dirty little secret

[reality-exodus]

Broken promises

Ch. 1 Lost and Found

Pairing: M/c x Jake, Words: 1280 Summary: What if m/c went to the Grimrock mines to warn Jake of the police?

I had promised him I wouldn’t go but he tricked me, I would have gone to the mines just like Michael Hanson requested, however Jake has other plans.  I must admit it was really sweet that the group had asked of me not go. Well only Thomas encouraged me to do so. I am obviously not mad at him, I could understand how he was feeling, the devastation and the fear that was dominating him when it came to Hannah.

I was so scared, Jake kept talking to me, keeping me updated on what was going on in the tunnels, what he was seeing. He kept texting every motion he would make even though the signal was getting weaker and weaker until he said someone was coming and went offline. I felt my knees go weaker at the thought of the culprit getting to him, I haven’t even seen his face but in my head, my last call with Richy keeps repeating, this time though it is Jake who falls in blood. God! I don’t even know his face and yet I don’t want to lose him.

Once I realized Bloomgate was on his way there I picked up my stuff and took my bike on the mines as well. I was most likely going to be late, nonetheless I was unable to sit down and just wait for Jake’s reply. I was staying at the motel. No one was aware of that not even the man without a face apparently or perhaps he realized only now.

I was riding as fast as I could, my eyes fixed on the road, taking small breaks only to stare at the navigator of Duskwood made sure I had on my device. Suddenly my phone rang… I was Alan Bloomgate.

“Hello, Nellie… I have gotten to the tunnels of the mines” He sounded older than it felt on the text messages.

“Owo, good job chief. How did you find this information all by yourself?” I asked making sure the mock and sarcasm in my voice was distinctively highlighted.

“You did a good job.” He spoke up and then gasped, there was a pause in his voice “There is a room full of files, archives. And there are pictures of all your friends…” He told me.

“Really Sherlock? Maybe there’s an envelope with my name a big sign saying revenge and plethora of raven graffiti?” I wondered and panted lightly, the freezing breeze of December was hitting my skin like many small stab wounds. It was Christmas and I was probably riding my bike to my death. I hoped that Alan wouldn’t notice the back ground noise of my bike and my dragged breathing.

“How do you know?” he asked me, his tone surprised. I was rather satisfied that he didn’t see many of these facts coming.

“That’s what we wanted you to see at the Hanson old residence.” I explained and braked abruptly.

“Are you outside?” He asked me and I didn’t reply. “If you are thinking of coming here, change mindset, it is too dangerous.” He started off.

“Too late for that chief.” I spoke and parked my bike. I was wearing heavy clothes that wouldn’t allow me to move freely, I kept my beanie and scarf. “the culprit threatens me quiet sometime now and today he told me that he would let the two go if I came at Grimmrock waterfall…” I unriddled my ponders leaving Jake out of my speech, he was already in there somewhere. I was in danger running towards a trap and all I could think of is how close we are to each other for the first time.

I strolled over the area, it was a really impressive and beautiful place, I was to the place I was supposed to meet with Micheal Hanson but he seemed nowhere around, I had started shivering without really realizing it.

“There’s someone there.” Alan said and his voice got quieter.

“Be careful, do not shoot…Can you hear me?” I asked as I saw the screen glitching. The damn reception of that place… I forgot where I was standing, I was only scared that he would fall face to face with Jake.  I raised my gaze to see the culprit 50 meters away from just staring blankly and I gulped.

“Mrs. Donford.” Alan exclaimed and I looked at the screen. He had found Hannah.

“Find Richy” said she immediately before the call was over.

“Notifying the police wasn’t part of the plan.” The man without a face said, his voice still altered.

“Many things were not in the plan and yet, here we are, aren’t we?” I asked and hoped to stall him as long as I could so the rest would come out of the mines and find me.

‘Bloomgate found Hannah, she is safe...’

‘And I am standing face to face with our cute little legend.’  I texted the groupchat and I saw everyone coming online immediately.

‘What do you mean?’ Lilly asked.

‘Awe some one ran out of braincells, Nellie, WHAT THE HECK?’ Dan texted.

‘Get out of there’ Cleo was next.

‘Please, please, please, Nellie, you can still leave… There’s Jake and now the police too.’ Jessy tried convincing me and I sighed.

‘Nellie where are you?’ Lilly asked as I couldn’t reply at that point, the legend was laughing but thankfully not walking, he kept the distance between us and this offered me some sense of security that I couldn’t really explain.

‘Answer, please don’t scare us like that’ Jessy added.

‘Guys give her time.’ Thomas tried to be the common sense .

“What do you want from me?” I yelled loudly as this staring contest was unnerving me, I made sure to press voice record and sent it to the groupchat. “Why did you involve me?” I yelled even louder. However, he seemed unphased. “You are scared of me, but I do not know why… I only came here for two months and suddenly I am tangled in this mess because of you… You just stand there… You want to scare me? Well congratulations you’ve made it…”

“You see, this mine stopped operating after a great explosion, many innocent people died back in the day, therefore the cause of the explosion isn’t still known… This is how it works, explosion usually has causalties.” He spoke and I inhaled deeply.

“You didn’t…” I breathed out in disbelief.

“Or maybe I did.” He said and I felt wings on my legs as I sprinted down the entrance and I saw him chase after me when Alan’s voice was heard and maybe a few shots. I don’t know if he was still after me. I soon found myself on the ladder Jake showed me and started climbing down, if he was after me he would have made it to the entrance cut down the ladder and I would already be dead… Right?

“Jake!” I exclaimed and my voice echoed all through the tunnels. I started running and running I was lost by now. My phone bombardised with concerned messages while I was looking everywhere for him or the explosives. Not that I would know what to do with them.

I was out of breath, I have no idea how long I have been running around those tunnels, it must have been twenty minutes and I was in denial. I was lost. I paused in a fork path and took a deep breath when I heard a crack from the floor and I felt a pair of hands pulling me on a narrow tunnel. I was out of breath I felt a pair of hands pulling me on a narrow tunnel. It was over my mouth and pressed over my neck. I couldn’t escape or scream… I froze.

A/N: Hey, I replayed the whole game and I feel pretty confident into staritng a small fic again. There will potentially be more chapters on the way. I accept requests of duskwood characters and I would also appreciate your opinion.

Have a great day:)

Yours, silvermist

#duskwood jessy #duskwood hannah #duskwood everbyte #duskwood thomas #duskwood #duskwood jake #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood alan #hannah donfort #jake x mc #jake donfort #lilly donfort #duskwood dan #duskwood richy #duskwood fanfic #duskwood fandom #duskwood mc #everbyte studios #duskwood phil

[catierambles]

Blood Moon Ch.15

Pairing: Syverson x Annalisa Caulfield (OFC)

(Imma finish my butter paneer, take a couple ambien, and go tf to bed)

“Mike!” Sy called out but he was already gone. Annalisa swept her tongue over the wounds quickly, stopping the bleeding and they got up, pausing as the world spun for him and she steadied him before they raced from the bathroom after him.

“She's a vampire!” Mike exclaimed as he ran into the living room, making them grimace. “Annie! She's a vampire!”

“Mikey,” Jake said, “You gotta stop watchin' those horror movies.”

“It's the truth! Sy was in the bathroom with her and she had fangs and was drinking his blood!” He said and jumped to the side as they came into the living room. “Annie is a damn vampire! Sy, show them your wrist!”

“Mike,” Sy said, “I don't know what you think you saw but—”

“It's true.” Annalisa said, taking him by surprise. “I'm a vampire.”

“Annie?” Sy asked.

“Sy they were going to figure out something was off eventually when your nephew who is in diapers starts collecting social security and I look exactly as I do now.” She said, “I'm a vampire.”

“And you wanna marry this whack-job?” Jake asked after a moment's pause. It was only a blink and she was across the room, another blink and she was back at Sy's side. He had seen her move that quickly before, but only on rare occasions as it made her tired.

“Jesus Christ.” Brian whispered, “I mean, fuckin' hell.”

“Yeah.” She said with a nod.

“And you knew this?” Pete asked, looking at Sy and he nodded.

“Wait.” Annalisa said, “You want to marry me?”

“Yeah, baby, I do.” Sy said, “We're forever, remember?”

“Sy...” She said and he pulled her into his arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Hold the fuck up!” Brian said, “She's a goddamn vampire, Kyle! How are you okay with this?!”

“She ain't the only one who ain't human anymore.” Sy said and the statement hung in the air.

“You a...vampire too, son?” Jack asked.

“No, pops, I'm not.” Sy said and he sighed.

“Well, shit, I mean—”

“I'm a werewolf.” He said and they went silent again.

“Syria.” Denise said finally, breaking the silence.

“Ma?”

“Kyle, I carried you, I raised you, I know you. You were different when you came back from Syria. You had nightmares, bad ones, we could hear'em. I thought you just...maybe you had seen some bad combat, lord knows your dad had nightmares comin' back from Vietnam.” She said, “That didn't explain the bloody sheets, or you sneakin' back in at dawn, cut up and dirty around the same time every month. I didn't say anythin' because I...I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what was goin' on, but the nightmares stopped and you got a place of your own. Next time you came around, you were my baby boy again, so I pushed it from my mind.”

“Is that when it happened?” Jake asked and he nodded. “Fuck.”

“Oh this is so cool.”

“Mikey.” Pete said.

“What? It is! My brother is a werewolf and his girlfriend is a vampire! My friends are gonna shit themselves!” Mike said.

“This don't leave this room, Michael!” Sy said, pointing at him. “Not a damn word to anyone! Ya hear me?”

“I mean, it's just—”

“Anyone.” Sy said and he nodded.

“You were around my children.” Pete said, “The both of you.”

“Well, yeah, Petey, they're my nieces and nephews. I'd never hurt'em, you know that.” Sy said, “Right?” He didn't say anything, “Peter, you know I'd never hurt your babies, right?”

“Peter.” Denise said, “He's still Kyle—”

“He's a damn monster!” Pete snapped, “So is she!”

“If I was going to hurt them,” Annalisa said, “I had plenty of opportunities too. When I changed PJ's diaper, when I took Becky to the bathroom. I'd never hurt a child.”

“And I babysat'em alone plenty of times while you and Beth had date night after I got back.” Sy said, “I may have spoiled'em a bit much, but it's kinda hard not to.”

“They're right.” Jack said, “If they were gonna hurt the kids, or any of us, they would have. We've been alone with them plenty of times. They coulda hurt us and they didn't.”

“Pete.” Sy said, going to his brother. “I'm still your brother, I'm just...a little somethin' extra now.”

“I know that, I do.” Pete said, “It's just...fuck, Kyle.”

“I know.”

“I wanna see it.” Brian said, “I wanna see your...wolf.”

“Brian, it's...” Sy paused, “I look like a wolfman, Hollywood-style.”

“So cool.”

“I wanna see it.” Brian said, his tone final and he sighed.

“Ma, you had plans for that roast in the fridge?” Sy asked and she nodded. “Mind if I have it? I need to eat when I first shift and I ain't exactly myself.”

“Can't exactly do the alternative.” Annalisa muttered and he bumped her with an elbow making her snort.

“It'll take a couple hours to cook—”

“Raw is fine.” Sy said and headed for the back, stopping in the kitchen. “Whatever you hear, don't come outside, stay in the house. Annie?”

“Yeah.” She said and followed him out, the back screen door closing behind them. They stayed in the living room like he instructed, even as they heard his pained shout and the sound of breaking wood, the dogs running to the backdoor and barking.

“I'm gonna—” Pete said.

“Sit down, Pete.” Brian said, “He told us to stay here for a reason. He said he ain't himself, and I have a feelin' we won't like what he is.”

“He's our brother, Brian.”

“I know, and trust me, I wanna go out there, too, but if he's wild right now he won't forgive himself if he hurts one of us or worse.” Brian said and Pete nodded, sinking back down in his chair. Savage snarls and roars sounded from the back making them flinch when it happened, but then it went quiet. The back door swung open and there was the sound of claws on tile, the dogs stampeding back into the living room.

“Holy fuck.” Mike said with wide eyes, as he had a direct line of sight and saw him first. They got up from their chairs slowly, or pushed away from walls as he came back into the living room, towering over them, his ears nearly brushing the ceiling. His shirt was gone and his jeans clung to his legs.

Well, this is me.

“Anyone else hear him but his mouth didn't move?” Jake asked.

“He communicates via thought projection.” Annalisa explained, her fingers laced with his that were tipped in dark, wicked claws, “They all can.”

“He ain't the only one, then. Okay.” Brian said, “I mean, of course he ain't, there has to be at least one more out there.”

“So fucking cool.”

“Kyle Hoyt Syverson!” Denise snapped, making him jump. “Is that a nipple piercin'?!”

#henry cavill #captain syverson #blood moon

[phoenix--flying]

spreading my jake mason/travis stoll/michael yew friendship agenda

#michael yew #jake mason #travis stoll #percy jackson #pjo #riordanverse #rick riordan #they are friends #because i said so #what if i said jake x michael #hear me out on this one okay

[streamsofstardust]

flashbacks | j.m.k

josh kiszka x reader

word count: 1,927 (wow, tal wrote something short for once)

content warnings: joshy has dirty thoughts, sexy memories, references to bondage, slight soft dom!josh, something you could potentially consider orgasm denial, lots of teasing, not direct smut but allusions to it

summary: josh can't seem to focus during an interview, thoughts of you occupying his mind.

a/n: my first josh fic has arrived my friends. finally got joshua michael on the masterlist and it only took... way too long. i know it's short but i kinda like how it's not total in your face smut. look at me trying something new. happy joshua michael monday to u all🖤 and as always, the link to join my taglist is in my bio!

taglist: @allieboop @obetrolncocktails @greta-flanveet @kdarling1 @doodle417 @mollie-gvf @hoeforstevienicks @joshkiszkas @gardenofgreta @gretasmokerising @lunaindigoraven @jakekiszkasleftnutsack

it was one interview. just a matter of two to three hours with the guys and then he was back to the hotel where he knew you'd be waiting for him. you were all he could think about and he'd be lying if he said it wasn't a massive struggle to focus on the interviewer’s questions. he figured it would be best to let the others answer most of them this time, already knowing everyone would be confused by his lack of speaking but taking the risk nonetheless.

in all honesty, he was barely able to concentrate. the questions were fairly similar for most interviews, especially at the start, so after brief introductions, josh sat back and let his brothers take the reins.

yes, we’re very excited to be back on tour.

yes, we have been working extensively on new music.

no, we can't say much about it at this time. but it's gonna be big.

yes, jake really does mimic playing guitar in his sleep.

in the midst of zoning out, josh’s mind had taken him back to the previous night. he thought back to how you were spread out for him on the hotel bed, fully naked with your hands tied to the bed frame. it wasn't often that josh got particularly rough with you, but something about seeing you dripping for him, causing a complete mess on the sheets below, set him off. he recalled how you tasted on his tongue, subconsciously licking his lips as if he could still taste you on them and swiping over them with his fingers.

he felt jake nudge his arm from where he sat beside him, pulling him out of his fantasy. “i swear sometimes josh is in his own little universe.” he joked to the interviewer.

josh chuckled in response. “sorry about that. long nights and tons of traveling really drain a guy.” the interviewer nodded and smiled at him, repeating her question. “do you find it hard to maintain a relationship while on tour?”

it was a valid question, one the group had gotten before, and their response wasn't usually what the interviewer expected. sure, they were rockstars, but they never let that get in the way of their relationships.

josh responded without hesitation, “not really. jake and his girlfriend are strong as all hell, danny’s girlfriend tends to come to as many shows as possible, and our little sammy is enjoying being a bachelor.” he reached behind himself to pat sam’s knee, the younger kiszka brother shrugged and smiled in response as if to say can you really blame me?

in the brief period of laughter, josh allowed himself to drift back into his daydream. he couldn't get those beautiful sounds you made out of his head. the way you whimpered and moaned for him as he dragged his tongue through your heat. he’d love to record those sounds. to incorporate them into one of the band’s songs. it would be a true homage to the divine feminine and josh would have the pleasure of knowing he's the reason those sounds exist at all. he smirked at the thought.

sammy not so subtly flicked josh’s head to bring his focus back. “i know that face joshua,” he spoke before turning his attention back to the interviewer. “looks like this discussion is bringing back a few special memories for josh.”

“well, josh, what about your relationship then?” the interviewer asked him.

“yeah, joshy, spill the beans.” sam teased.

josh looked down at his hands in his lap and smiled. “I'm really lucky actually. my girlfriend decided to join us on tour this time so i get to spend all my down time with her. you'd be shocked by how lonely you can feel while constantly traveling. yeah we’re playing these huge shows and i’m with my brothers, and i wouldn't trade it for the world, but it's nice to go back to my bunk or my hotel room at the end of the day and know that the person i love is waiting for me.” a chorus of awwws rang around the small room.

josh thought back to the look on your face when he first asked you to come on tour with him. your eyes were beaming and your cheeks hurt from how wide your smile was. of course you were going to say yes, as if it was even a question. you'd follow josh anywhere, just as he would for you.

as sweet as that memory had been in his mind, it was quickly replaced by a different look on your face. one you made last night from your place over him, riding him as though your life depended on it. he recalled how you threw your head back, your eyes rolling into your head as your jaw went slack. his hands roaming every inch of your body he could get to. your moans filled the room and bounced off the walls. josh was absolutely consumed by you, mind, body, and soul. you were perfection to him in this state, and any other. a goddess to be worshiped for the rest of his days.

shaking himself out of his daze, he felt himself harden in his seat, shifting ever so slightly to hide the growing bulge beneath his tight pants. at that point he had decided to force himself to focus on the interview. he began looking for tiny intricate details of his surroundings. the few stray hairs that dangled in front of his face. the way the interviewer's right eye appeared to be a few shades darker than her left eye. the way jake’s leg brushed against his every so often as he bounced it in his own attempt to get rid of his energy. the way the light on the camera blinked red, indicating the interview was still being recorded. anything.

it worked for the remainder of the questioning. he let his brothers take most of the questions while he waited for the whole thing to be over. Time seemed to be moving too fast while simultaneously not fast enough. He stopped looking at the clock, knowing that it would make the whole ordeal drag on. Something about a watched pot never boiling.

Luckily for josh, the interview finally ended and everyone was making their way back to the bus. The drive to the hotel was relatively quick, only about 10 minutes long. Josh was squirming the entire time, not able to lay down in his bunk, and instead choosing to sit on one of the couches up front. Danny and sam had been too wrapped up in their card game to pay attention to josh, but jake was a keen observer of his twin, and he knew josh’s behavior paired with his inattentiveness and blank stares during the interview were signs that his mind was elsewhere. He got up to sit next to his brother.

“You’ve been super out of it today. Care to share your thoughts with the class?” jake asked.

Josh smirked, tossing his head back and chuckling. “Trust me brother dearest, i’m not sharing these thoughts with anyone.”

Jake looked at his twin with a quirked brow, realizing immediately why josh was jumpy on the bus. He knew that you were waiting for josh at the hotel. What he didn’t know was the way josh requested you to be waiting for him.

Josh thought back to the conversation the two of you had that morning, shutting his eyes to recall the memory even better.

“It shouldn’t take that long my love.” josh spoke, caressing your face with the soft skin of his hand. “Just a quick little interview and i’ll be back to you in no time.”

You pouted, looking up at him with pleading eyes. You knew that was a weakness of his. Innocent eyes from the most gorgeous creature he’d ever known, a laughable juxtaposition given how filthy he knew you to be.

“Aw come on sweetness. Don’t give me that look. You know i’d stay in bed with you all day if i could.” his hand started trailing down your arm, then to your torso, then to the edge of your panties, slowly moving two of his fingers over your clothed pussy. You shut your eyes and arched your back, preening into his touch. No matter how many times he touched you, it always felt like the first time, never anything other than amazing.

“Just a few short hours and i’ll be back here, with you. Loving on every inch of this perfect body, pulling those angelic little whines from those perfect lips.” you moaned at his words, causing him to smile. “Yeah, baby. Just like that.” the pressure from his fingers increased, still teasing but still providing you with delicious pleasure. But just like that, his hands ceased their movement, moving up your body to hold you tight. You whined at the loss, having been under the impression josh was going to take you to the finish line.

“Sorry lover. You’ll have to wait until i get back to get what you want.” he kissed you passionately before hopping out of bed to get ready. “I’ll text you when we’re on our way back,” he started, walking back to the bed to cup your jaw with his right hand. He moved his head close to your ear, gently biting the lobe before continuing. “And when i walk into this room, i want to see you fully undressed, on your hands and knees, and that incredible ass high up in the air. Understood, princess?”

You whimpered in response, nodding quickly in submission. Josh smiled, kissing your cheek and saying goodbye before heading out.

The second the bus reached the hotel, josh jumped from his seat and nearly sprinted inside. His three brothers stared at him as he did so, chuckling at his eagerness. Danny spoke up, addressing sam and jake. “I was going to suggest lunch and some drinks, but something tells me josh is going to be a bit preoccupied for a while.”

Taking the elevator up to his floor, josh felt antsy. Not with nerves, rather extreme excitement. He couldn’t think of anything other than you the entire time he was at that interview. Couldn’t stop thinking about your lips, your body, your beautiful moans, how warm and tight you felt around him. He felt himself strain against his jeans at the thought, fighting the urge to palm himself over his pants while in the confines of the elevator.

The second he got to your shared suite he flung the door open, heading straight for the bedroom. Eyes widening and darkening immediately at the sight before him. Always such a good listener. He could see your pussy glistening with your slick from where he stood, his mouth salivating on its own accord.

He began shedding his clothing to match your state of undress, making his way over to where you were positioned in the middle of the bed. “You, my sweet, sweet girl, are a huge distraction.” he breathed out, his lips and hands trailing along the length of your back. You turned your head to look at him, a playful smirk taking its place on your lips. “Oh yeah? Guess you’ll have to punish me for it.”

Josh groaned at your words, his cock twitching between your ass and his stomach. His grip on your skin tightening as he bit down on your shoulder, licking the mark to soothe it right after.

"oh sweetheart, you are so fucking in for it."

#gvf smut #greta van fleet smut #josh kiszka #josh kiszka greta van fleet #josh kiszka gvf #josh kiszka smut #josh gvf #greta van fleet #gvf #gretavanfleet #my fics #joshua michael monday

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

This was so fun to write! I hope you enjoy part 2!

Pairings: Jake Kiszka X Danny Wagner *ssslash

Warnings and tags: 18+ only, no minors! Adult themes including: partner death (past tense), fatal illness, brief mentions of depressive attitudes, some drinking, little bit of flirting, dad Jake AU, uncle Danny AU

Word count: 4k

Another end to a week and soon it was Saturday. Jake was back on the field with the kids, jogging backwards alongside them as he taught them how to attempt making passes with the balls. It wasn’t exactly going well, but he didn’t expect much from only the second day of practice.

The kids were having fun and that was all that really mattered so he wasn’t hard on them at all. He was having a good time watching their little feet and legs try to maneuver the checkered balls, giggling himself when one of them would trip up and he’d have to quickly catch them before they surly ate some grass.

There was to be no crying on the field under his watch.

A few parents had come to see their kids learn the sport, though most just sat in their folding lawn chairs and clapped from the sidelines. Emma’s mom was here. She’d made it a point to come up to Jake before practice started and invite him over for lunch afterwards, to which he said he’d consider it.

Honestly, he hadn’t had much time to think about Danny since the other day, but he’d suddenly gotten a strange feeling in his gut when walking over to the field this afternoon. He had no idea if Danny would be there today, and he wasn’t sure if he’d mentally prepared himself to deal with any antics today. It was a relief to see he wasn’t there, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be at the house for lunch.

“Can I go play at Emma’s house? Pleeease?” Luna asked in her sweetest, trying to pull on her dad’s heartstrings, voice.

“Michael has been outside grilling all afternoon. We’ve got plenty of food” Emma’s mom sweetened the deal with the promise of barbecue, and after that little cardio workout Jake had to admit he was pretty hungry.

“Oh all right, just for a little while” Jake finally agreed and both kids squealed with excitement.

“So how’s it going with the foundation?” She casually made small talk as they all started their walk back towards the houses.

“It’s been going. We hit a few snags with securing some donations out on the west coast. Thought for a second I was going to have to go out there myself to get it all sorted out, but my team came through in the end”.

“That’s good to hear. It’s great what you guys do for musical education”. She almost always asked Jake about his job when she got the chance to chat with him. Jake didn’t mind, he loved his job, a legacy left behind.

“By the way, I’ve been thinking about putting Emma in some piano lessons” she continued, “you wouldn’t happen to know anyone would you?” Though she didn’t come right out and ask him, the look she gave him and the tone in her voice suggested what she really meant was would he teach her. “I’ve seen that beautiful piano in your house”.

“That was June’s” Jake informed her that the piano she mentioned wasn’t exactly his, but his late wife’s. “I could teach her how to play guitar” he chuckled nervously, fidgeting with the strap of his backpack, “but piano might be a little out of my expertise”.

“Oh, I see” she trailed off, almost sorry she’d unintentionally brought up a possibly sensitive subject.

Jake offered her a warm smile in return, trying to show her he didn’t mind at all. He liked talking about her, and actually he kind of wished people would ask about her more often so he could feel free and happy to reminisce instead of everyone just trying to tiptoe around it.

“I really wish I could’ve met her. I bet she was an amazing woman”.

She was the most amazing woman he’d ever met, Jake thought to himself. They had met at an event for the foundation he now worked for. He was only nineteen at the time, still just a kid in the eyes of the seasoned professionals he was so anxious to be getting a chance to mingle with.

Being a freelance musician, Jake was just trying to book whatever he could with the help of his manager, who happened to be friends with some people also invited to this party. Jake hadn’t expected much of anything to come from that night. Maybe have a few (nonalcoholic) drinks with some like natured musicians, learn some tips of the industry, if he was lucky and smooth talked enough maybe score his next gig. What he never expected was meeting June.

They spent practically the whole night standing at a high top table at the corner of the room together, just getting to know each other. He told her he played the guitar and she modestly revealed that she was a singer who also played a few instruments of her own. She was twenty-one at the time so she was drinking sparkling wine and Jake couldn’t tell if the flush in her cheeks was from him, or the glass in her hand. Either way he couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

At the end of the night he gave her his number, praying she would give him a call. After two long days of beating himself up for not just asking for her number instead, she called him and they set up a lunch date.

It was then he found out she was the only daughter of the owners of the foundation who’s party they’d met at. She had spent most of the past two years traveling around with them going to events like the night before, meeting musicians and trying to fundraise money for musical programs in schools.

She had decided now that she wanted to settle down for a bit, write some pieces and even possibly work on an album. Jake was extremely excited when she invited him to the studio with her, and before he knew it they were collaborating and eventually dating as well.

Two years of hard work and their album was finally hitting the market. The combination of Jake’s crafty acoustic and effortlessly executed electric guitar riffs, with her smooth powering vocals and elegant instrumentals made for popular reviews. They toured together for a while, most of their shows profits giving back to her family’s foundation.

Jake and June never denied the dating rumors. It was blatantly obvious with the palpable chemistry between them both on and off stage, and as soon as touring was over they were eloping up in the mountains of her family home.

It seemed so unreal looking back on the way it all happened. Jake was crying tears of happiness when he found out she was pregnant with Luna, but the tears soon turned sorrowful when all the blood testing along with early pregnancy confirmed June’s worst nightmare, her diagnosis.

The doctors assured them that the pregnancy didn’t put her or the baby at risk, but Jake could tell when she started getting sick because she didn’t sing anymore. She just didn’t have the strength in her lungs to do so.

Thankfully Luna did arrive perfectly fine, and they’d had nearly a full year together before June took a turn for the worst. She was bedridden on their daughter’s first birthday, and Jake couldn’t stand to see the pain it caused her to not be able to be the mother she always wanted to be.

The next thing he knew, she was gone and he was navigating life as a parent alone. He decided making music and playing shows couldn’t be a stable job for a toddler, so he inherited his wife’s shares of the foundation where he started to work full time.

“She would’ve loved you guys, especially Emma and Luna getting so close. She always wanted a big family since she was an only child”. Jake smiled again as he watched the kids chase each other through the yard once they finally reached the house. “Are you an Michael thinking about having anymore?”

She turned quiet herself this time, shrugging her shoulders as she held the door open for him after the kids plowed through to get to playing in the backyard. “We’ll see” she replied, absently like it wasn’t a topic she really preferred to get into right now.

Jake followed her through their home to the French doors that opened up onto their back patio. Emma’s dad was finishing up at the grill so they started setting up the table with napkins, cups and utensils, some chips, everything you’d need for an afternoon barbecue.

“Is there anything I can help with?” Jake asked, feeling awkward about just standing there as they worked. He’d had plenty of meals at their house, and shared his dining room with them as well, so he wasn’t uncomfortable but he still considered himself a guest and offered his assistance.

“Oh I’ve got some potato salad in the fridge, would you mind grabbing that and some ice from the kitchen?”

Without hesitation Jake made his way back inside, easily navigating his way to his destination, stopping dead in his tracks when he rounded the corner and saw the kitchen wasn’t as empty as he’d expected it to be.

“Looking for this?” Danny smirked as he held what looked like the bowl of potato salad he’d been sent for.

“No” Jake blurted out, his mind too preoccupied with trying, and failing, to look away from the man standing in front of him. He was in black jeans again, maybe even the same ones from their first encounter, and another t-shirt. Only this t-shirt instead of having the sleeves cut off had the last two inches chopped away so that the hem hung just above his belted waistband.

All he had to do was shift a bit and Jake was getting a peak at his navel, decorated with a patch of dark hair. There was something else too, something silver just barely hidden underneath the cotton. A belly button piercing? He couldn’t be sure, but he absolutely was not getting any closer to get a better look or letting himself get caught staring.

“Ice” he spoke in another one word sentence, but didn’t move a muscle to retrieve said ice.

“Here, I got it” Danny set the bowl down on the island that separated them and stepped over to the cabinets. He had his back facing Jake now, but as he opened the cabinet and reached onto the top shelf for a metal container for the ice Jake could see how far the shirt rose with the stretch, exposing smooth tanned skin and a pair of back dimples.

Jake continued to watch in silence as Danny filled the bucket up before turning back around. “Want to take that and I’ll take this?” He raised his eyebrows and nodded his head slightly towards the bowl on the counter.

“Okay” Jake approached the island like a skittish cat. One wrong move from Danny and he’d be scurrying off. Danny only waited patiently for Jake to reach over and slide the bowl across the granite then he wrapped his arm around it and held it close to his body.

“Your hair looks nice by the way” Danny muttered quietly when Jake was closer.

Jake brows furrowed in confusion before he could catch himself. He’d let his hair down from the clip he’d thrown it up in at practice, but all he’d had was his fingers to haphazardly comb through it. He couldn’t imagine that it looked ‘nice’ right now.

“It looks good down is what I mean” Danny elaborated, moving past him to head outside before someone came looking for them.

“There you are! I was sure you didn’t get lost just going to the kitchen” his sister called them over to the table when she spotted them through the door.

She had the kids already rounded up, sitting together at one end with a plate each and barbecue sauce already smeared on their faces. Practice must’ve made them just as hungry as Jake was.

Jake took a seat next to Luna, Michael sat at the end of the table and his wife to his right. That left the seat across from Jake open, and the seat next to him on Michael’s left. Great, either he’d be trying to avoid looking at Danny while he ate, or he’d be sitting right next to him.

He turned to check on Luna making sure she had a napkin and enough water before he planned to get back up and make a plate for himself. The seat next to him was drug across the concrete as Danny pulled it out to take a seat, but then the sound of a plate sliding across the table made Jake look over.

Danny sent him a smile as the plate ended up right in front of Jake, setting his own plate down in front of his chair next then leaving to get drinks.

“Thanks” Jake mumbled when Danny handed him a water as well.

“You know Danny plays the guitar too” his sister commented as she watched their little interaction, stabbing her fork into some of the potato salad.

“Really?” Jake replied, too polite to ignore her conversation. “Is he any good?” What he could do though was talk to her like their subject wasn’t nearly brushing shoulders with him as he picked up his fork.

“He is. At least from what I can remember he hasn’t played in a while”.

“That’s because my Gibson got stolen” Danny interjected.

“I don’t see how that’s anyone’s fault but your own” she scolded him.

Jake was able to get a few bites in as they argued back and forth for a moment when he noticed Michael was being unusually quiet. He chalked it up to letting Danny and his sister have their moment. He himself knew how family bickering could go.

“I’m thinking about getting a new one though. Maybe when I do I could come over and we could jam”.

Jake nearly choked on his water at Danny’s bold suggestion, but he somehow managed to swallow it down and look his way. “Umm, yeah that could be cool”. Shit, why did he agree?

“Cool” Danny flashed another smile and Jake focused on his plate again, already thinking of excuses he could use to get out of that.

“Daddy, I’m done” Luna tugged on Jake’s arm to get his attention after a little while of eating and chatting. “Can we go play in Emma’s room?”

“Ask Emma’s mom if she can be excused from the table” he answered her as he gathered up her mess.

“Of course, you kids run along and play, I’ll be right back” she quickly replied as she got up to grab something from inside. Danny jumped up to help Jake clear the kids plates, stacking them and all the trash together and carrying it to be thrown away, the kids following behind him.

“Have any interesting cases right now?” Jake asked Michael when it was just the two of them left outside.

“Nothing really interesting, just a lot” he replied simply.

“I hear you’ve been having to stay late quite a bit, I’m always happy to help with Emma”. He watched as Michael nodded, though his attention seemed to be focused behind Jake. Looking over his shoulder just barely in view behind the glass doors Danny and his sister seemed to be deep in discussion again.

Like she could sense their eyes on her, she quickly came back out, carrying a wine bottle and two glasses. “A client gave this to us, you have to try it at least once” she insisted as she poured herself and Jake a glass.

They talked for a while longer, one glass turning into two before Jake had to cut himself off, but she went ahead and finished the bottle with her third. At some point Michael had gotten up and went inside. Jake found it odd he wasn’t socializing at all today, but maybe he was just overworked and needed a break. God knows he knew what it was like to need a break.

“Well I better get Luna and head home. We still have homework she didn’t want to do last night”.

“Go ahead, I’m going to clean up a little bit out here. It was good catching up”.

“It’s always a pleasure” he replied, then got up feeling his head rush a little bit with the motion. It’s a good thing they only had a short walk home because that wine was potent, three glasses would’ve definitely gotten him into some trouble.

When he was back inside he could already hear the giggling of the children coming from the living room instead of the hallway with the bedrooms. “Luna? Time to go sweetheart” he called out.

He was right, they were in the living room, and so was Danny who looked up at him from where he sat on the floor in front of a kids play desk. He had about a dozen rainbow butterfly clips fixed in his curls, and his hands were spread across the tiny desk while Emma painted them silver with sparkles.

“Daddy! Can I see your phone?” Luna jumped up from the couch that had hair accessories scattered across its cushions, no doubt the next pieces to be added to Danny’s look.

“What for?” He asked, letting her grab onto his hand and pull him further into the room.

“Danny said we can add him as a friend on TikTok” she answered him, already trying to pry his phone from his front pocket.

“Is that so?” Jake retrieved his phone first, looking over at Danny in question.

“Only if you send me those slime scooping videos. Those are my favorite” he told her to which she jumped up and down giggling.

Jake reluctantly unlocked his phone and opened the app he’d only installed so that he and Luna could watch cute farm animal videos on and such, she loved those. He let Danny tell him his username and added him as a friend. “Alright can we go now?”

“Bye Emma! I’ll see you at school on Monday!” Luna waved to her, then to Danny.

“Careful!” Emma scolded him when he tried to wave back, checking his nails for smudges when he quickly obeyed and put his hand back down.

Later that night Jake laid in bed getting caught up on some reading and waiting for Josh’s call when he got a notification on his phone. He’d almost forgotten about the TikTok add when he saw that Danny followed him back, and shortly after sent him a video. He debated ignoring it, but ended up deciding to check and make sure he wasn’t sending anything weird where Luna could see.

A pleasant little tune came across the speaker when it started with a title to the video on the screen that said ‘rating the scoopability of this week's slimes’. He actually watches this? Jake thought as he let the video play on, an orange ‘slush’ slime, whatever that was, up first. Next was a deep blue one with purple flash and gold stars. Wait, he kind of liked that one, and why was this kind of relaxing? Finally there was a green translucent slime, this one had lots of tiny little charms in it which Jake had to squint his eyes at to see that some of the charms were tiny soccer balls.

Was Danny thinking about him when he sent this video?

Jake closed the video and stared at the white background of the nearly empty inbox before he curiously clicked on the bubble that took him to Danny’s profile. He didn’t have anything posted, but there was a link to his instagram account.

The link took him immediately to the other app, and Jake lied to himself saying he hoped his account was private. It wasn’t.

A grid of pictures of Danny flooded Jake’s screen in the usual instagram manner. Being nosey he scrolled a little bit, finding one interesting enough to click on and enlarge. He looked like he was in a tattoo shop, and he was in a position that showed off his forearm while he pretended to flex- not that he had to try very hard.

What looked like brand new ink by the irritation of his skin banded around his arm in bold black lines. How had he missed this when they met? He could remember what Danny was wearing, but clearly he’d been trying to avoid looking at him too much if he’d not seen the tattoo.

He stared at the picture for a bit longer, studying the marking and the unfamiliar symbol they made when he was interrupted by his awaited phone call.

“Hey” he answered, trying to sound normal- like he wasn’t just creeping on someone's social media.

“What were you doing?” Josh asked, too intuitive to not notice he’d caught Jake off guard.

“Nothing” Jake replied, his voice turning up a bit at the end.

“What were you watching porn or something?”

“What? No! I absolutely was not” Jake groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose at his brother's brazen questioning.

“I wouldn’t judge you if you were. How else are you supposed to release some stress without getting a little… well, release?”

“Please stop talking. The only thing stressing me out right now is you”.

“How was practice today?” Josh asked instead, sounding a little too eager to get the updates about ‘practice’.

“Really good” Jake replied, only adding to Josh’s delusion of what really good meant.

“So you got to see a certain someone again?”

Of course, this conversation was actually about that.

“Not at practice. We had lunch at Emma’s house”.

“Wait…” Josh stopped him in confusion. “So the person who hit on you is?”

Jake debated for a moment about telling Josh about Danny. Besides he was just some random guy he had to put up with right now since his family was close with Emma’s, right? He figured Danny’s living situation with his sister wasn’t permanent, so eventually he’d leave and everything would go back to normal, right?

“Jake, come on if you don’t tell me I’m just going to imagine what I want to then” Josh read his mind.

Knowing leaving it up to Josh’s imagination was not the best course of action- that could get out of hand fast, Jake gave in. “His name is Danny. He’s Emma’s uncle”.

The other end was silent for a moment as his brother took in this information. Jake knew that Josh didn’t care that this crush was someone of the same sex, having been with his boyfriend for nearly a decade now. “This is… interesting”. Jake could hear Josh’s grin, knowing he was probably planning out how he could meet Danny as soon as possible.

“Don’t be weird about it. It’s nothing”.

“Yeah, just a crush” Josh giggled mischievously. “Jake has a crush”.

“Shut up I don’t”.

“Oh, wait till Sam gets a hold of this”. Jake knew Josh wouldn’t actually tell him if he didn’t want him to, but it was also fun to tease him with it.

“I’m hanging up now”.

With a chuckle still in his tone Josh wished him a good night. When the call ended Danny’s instagram pulled back up and Jake gave it one last scroll through before he sighed and closed all his tabs before plugging his phone back in and saving his place in his book. Setting them both on his night stand he turned out his light and settled into bed, one question left on his mind.

Did he have a crush?

Before today he would’ve said no, absolutely not, but he had to admit seeing Danny playing with the kids had done something to him.

A crush might’ve been a strong word at this point, but if he saw Danny again he didn’t think he’d mind it so much anymore.

Coming to grips with that Jake was able to easily fall asleep, knowing that he probably would be seeing him again.

Tags: @lyndz2names @gracev0609 @lipstickitty @sanguinebats

#greta van fleet #danny wagner #jake kiszka #greta van fic #janny gvf

[trickphotography2]

D-Day by TrickPhotography | Chapter 13

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x female!reader

Word count: 5.1k

Synopsis: After finding out his girlfriend is pregnant, Jake is ready to move in and get married. The last thing he expected was to be hit with a six-month deployment at sea and missing the birth of his first child.

18+, minors DNI

Chapter 12 | Master List | Ao3

---------------------------------------

Chapter 13

“Darlin’?” Jake called as he stepped into the house, tossing the truck keys onto the counter and lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe away the sweat on his brow. He’d just returned from helping Bob move the treadmill into his apartment. With the deployment hanging over your heads, he wanted to take care of as much as possible around the house - and clearing out what would be the nursery was near the top of that list. Coyote was on his way to claim the weight bench. When there was no answer, he grabbed a water bottle and walked toward the home gym turned nursery. His heart dropped when he saw you lying on the floor with your eyes closed. He crossed the room quickly, dropping to his knees beside you. “Fuck, darlin’, are you alright?”

“Hmm?” you said, forcing one eye open to see his panicked expression. “I’m okay. Just got a little dizzy.” 

“I don’t like how much that’s happening,” he grumbled. 

“It’s not exactly a party for me, either,” you scoffed. Now nine weeks pregnant, you felt worse than ever - the lightheadedness hadn’t gone away, the low-grade headache was back, and your nausea and food/smell aversions were getting worse. When Jake made himself some eggs that morning, you spent some time in the bathroom throwing up while he hurriedly aired out the house. Not to mention how exhausted you were, your emotions were on a hairpin trigger, and your slacks were getting harder to button. And your bladder felt like it was the size of a pea with how much you were going to the bathroom. 

Jake placed a hand on your stomach, a smile tugging at his lips when you covered it with your own, feeling the steady rise and fall of your breathing. “You’re supposed to be nice to your mama, Bean.” He’d refused to call the baby Berry over the last week, even though they’d grown to the size of a blueberry, stating that it felt like he was talking to a middle-aged man instead of “our little girl.” When you’d pointed out that he would have to eat his words when you had a boy, he’d only shrugged. “I told you aviators have girls. And if I remember my biology right, I’ve had a pretty big say in what we’re having.”

“Apparently, Bean is as big as a peanut shell now.” His grin grew as he pushed your shirt up and leaned down to kiss your stomach. 

“Hey, Peanut.” Pressing your lips together against the tears that sprang to your eyes, you gently brushed the sweaty hair from his face. It broke your heart to realize that this was one more thing you’d miss - Jake greeting your child with a new name every week. He only had four more weeks at home, five until he was on the carrier. From your research, you could find out the gender at the 18-week mark, at which point Jake would be somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. When his gaze flitted up to meet yours, he sighed at the sight of your tear-filled eyes. “Darlin’.”

“I’m good. Hormones,” you sighed, pushing up onto your elbows. Wanting to change the subject, you forced a smile. “I found something in the closet that I’d like an explanation for, babe.” 

“What’s that?”

“Exactly when were you planning to tell me you have a cowboy hat, Tex?” He furrowed his brows for a moment before smirking.

“Forgot I had that. It was for my buddy’s wedding.” 

“Jacob. Michael. Seresin,” you hissed. “Are you telling me that there are pictures of you in that hat, and I presume a suit, that I haven’t seen?” 

“I guess so.” Chuckling, he stood and walked to the closet, peering into it before pulling down the black hat. After dusting it off, he put it on and turned to face you. “Ma’am,” he drawled, his Texas accent thick as he ducked his head and touched the brim. Inhaling sharply, you held up both hands, and Jake hauled you to your feet, tugging you close to ensure you were steady.

“I’m getting ideas. So, so many ideas.” His lips curved into a wicked smile as he slowly backed you against the wall, his thigh slotting between yours. 

“Is that right?” Nodding, you slid your hands under the back of his shirt, lightly trailing your nails down the length of his spine. In retaliation, he shifted his leg, dragging his thigh along your core and making you bite your lip. His hands rose to cup your breasts, thumbs lightly stroking your nipples through your bra and t-shirt. In addition to being more sensitive than usual, your breasts had already started to get bigger, a fact that your fiance seemed to enjoy. 

“Jake,” you whined, grinding down on his thigh as he dipped his head to suck on the top of your breast. The hat bumped your chin, and you quickly removed it and put it on your head. 

“Oh, darlin’,” Jake tutted, his hands and lips stilling as he met your eye. “You have no idea what you just did, do you?” His teeth dragged along your skin before he wrapped his hands around your waist and drew you away from the wall. You laughed when he knelt and carefully lined your hips up with his shoulder, an arm wrapped tightly around your legs as he stood. With one hand clapped to your head to hold the hat in place, you shrieked as he flung you over his shoulder. “You okay, Mama?”

“Fine,” you giggled, steading yourself with a hand on his back. You yelped when his free hand landed a solid smack on your ass as he started to move towards the door.

“Good, ‘cause I’m gonna fuck another baby into you.” 

“Promises, promises.”

“You’re pregnant?” You and Jake froze. 

“Hey, Javy,” you said, an embarrassed smile on your mouth as you pushed yourself up and looked over Jake’s head towards the other pilot. 

“You’re pregnant?” he repeated. 

“Um…” Jake’s grip loosened, so you slid down the length of his body, quickly positioning yourself so your back was pressed to his front, hiding his semi. Glancing over your shoulder, Jake shrugged. “Surprise?” 

“Jesus Christ,” Javy whispered before pulling you into a hug. “Congrats.”

“Thanks.” 

“Now the whole rushed marriage thing makes sense.” 

“Accelerated,” Jake corrected. After the initial shock had worn off, you and Jake had spent a day sitting down and figuring out the next steps. He was adamant that you needed to be married before he left, which you’d readily agreed to. But there was so much that had to be done before he left Lemoore - in addition to everything he had to do to prepare, like his physical and dental checkup, there was so much legal stuff to handle. Jake had called the military legal clinic about your situation and had been advised that a marriage certificate would smooth much of the process of updating his Will, getting a power of attorney, and designating you as his beneficiary. It would be a requirement to enroll you in DEERS - the system that allows you to get your dependent ID card and be registered in TRICARE, the military health insurance plan. 

Overwhelmed by the list of everything that needed to be done, from more minor things like renewing the house lease and filing his taxes when he was gone to having harder conversations about Jake’s wishes in case he died while deployed, you had pushed away from the table and started to hyperventilate. Jake had tried to hold you, but you’d shoved him away and paced the house before slipping on your shoes and walking around the neighborhood, a silent shadow at your side.

All of it was going to be on your shoulders. And you were going to be alone. Newly married, pregnant, and across the country from your family. 

You had a new appreciation for what your mother had dealt with whenever your dad deployed. But even she hadn’t faced pregnancy and giving birth on her own. 

Getting married sooner rather than later would allow you more time to handle everything else. So, with that in mind, you’d scheduled calls with your families to break the news of the deployment, pregnancy, and your plans to get married at the courthouse. While your parents had been thrilled and quickly agreed to come, Jake had taken the call off the speaker when his father asked how stupid he was to “get some tag chaser knocked up.” His face was red when he came back inside and informed you that his mother and sister would let him know if they were coming. His father had been uninvited.

With a quick text to your friends, everyone who needed to know the plans did. 

“Accelerated, rushed,” Coyote grinned and shrugged. “Sounds like a shotgun wedding to me.” 

“Fuck you,” Jake chuckled, shoving his best man. Javy pushed back, and the two men grappled with one another as you quickly ducked out of the way. 

Watching them, you rolled your eyes. “Maybe I do want a daughter.” 

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” 

Your guests cheered, but you only had eyes for Jake as he grinned. Gently, he cupped your jaw, thumb lightly tracing your lower lip as he drew you closer with a hand on your hip. Your arms wrapped around his waist, giggling as he leaned down to press his lips to yours. He chuckled, kissing your forehead as his thumb lightly stroked your stomach before reclaiming your mouth. 

The ceremony was simple but perfect. Jake promised you a bigger wedding once he was home, but you didn’t care. It wouldn’t stack up to exchanging vows under the gazebo downtown, surrounded by your family. You were more than happy with the off-the-shoulder, lacy midi-length dress you’d ordered offline on sale instead of a fancy gown and your flowers picked up from the grocery store that morning rather than spending hundreds of dollars on arrangements. The only concession you’d made was hiring a photographer and ordering a cake waiting back at the house, where your parents insisted on having a small reception. 

But the most perfect part of the whole day was your groom. Jake looked so handsome in his dress whites, but it was the sheen of tears in his green eyes and the soft look on his face that made your heart skip a beat. Keeping with the non-traditional approach, you’d spent the day together - from him holding back your hair as you vomited to humming the wedding march as you cuddled in bed. Teasing touches became more intentional, and you gasped against Jake’s mouth as he slowly pressed into you, deliberately drawing out both of your pleasures to savor the last time you’d have sex as an engaged couple.

When your parents and Coyote arrived mid-morning to help get the house ready for the reception, Mom insisted on going to get your flowers. But rather than going straight to the grocery store, she stopped by a baby store to “just look” and bought a few things for Peanut, adding to the small pile of items you’d started purchasing. She'd then dragged you into a nail salon, excitedly telling the tech that you were getting married that afternoon.

With blue hydrangeas and white roses in hand - the same combination Jake had sent to your office to ask you out the first time and again on your anniversary - you returned home to see that the guys had been hard at work. And reinforcements had been called in. You were surprised to see so many cars in front of the house and Dad washing Jake’s truck. In the backyard, you found Jake on a ladder, hanging fairy lights on the side of the house as Coyote kept the ladder steady. Rooster and Phoenix were threading them through the fence. Bob and Maverick were driving stakes into the ground around the patio to string up more lights. Payback soon arrived with Fanboy in tow. 

You could only imagine how many favors had to be called in to get the entire Dagger Squad a Friday off on such short notice and for Rooster, Mav, and Fanboy to get to Lemoore. Mumbling a quick thanks to everyone, you retreated to the bedroom, where Jake found you sitting on the bed with your head in your hands, trying to muffle your sobs. He could only smile when you explained that you were overwhelmed with everyone being there and you hadn’t expected them to decorate the backyard.

After Penny appeared with sandwiches for everyone and the lights were all strung, the group disbursed to get ready for the ceremony at 3:30PM, the last appointment the Justice of the Peace had for the day. You and Jake lingered in the shower, allowing your fingers to skate over one another and laughing as you traded kisses. The teasing continued as you got ready, standing side-by-side at the sink and glancing at one another in the mirror as he shaved and you worked on drying your hair. His arms caged you against the sink as he peppered your neck and arms with kisses as you tried to do your makeup, tugging at your towel so it fell to the floor and left you bare to his heated gaze. You paid him back by resting your forehead between his shoulders as he ironed his dress whites, toying with his chest hair and tracing his abs. 

Jake’s fingers trailed up your spine as he zipped you into your wedding dress, then wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you back into his chest, his chin resting on your head. “You sure you’re okay with this?” he sighed. He’d overheard his mother and sister talking about how much more they’d preferred his first wedding, a big church affair that his ex had insisted on. He didn’t want you to feel like you were getting less. 

Meeting his gaze in the mirror, you placed his hand on your stomach. “All I need is you and me, and one witness to make it legal.” 

He swallowed hard before brushing his lips to your temple. “I love you so damn much, darlin’.” Blowing out a shaky breath, you tilted your head back against his shoulder, trying to keep the tears gathering in your eyes from falling. 

“I love you so damn much, Mrs. Seresin,” Jake mumbled against your lips as he reached over you to undo the seatbelt. You could see the photographer hovering at the edge of the driveway; her camera pointed at you, but you ignored that to focus on your husband.

Husband.

The thought made tears spring to your eyes. Capitalizing off the slight height advantage the truck gave you, you leaned down to kiss him, feeling your heart clench when the corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled into your kiss. Sliding your arms around his shoulders, you tugged him closer, sighing as he licked into your mouth. It was only when someone drove past and honked that you broke apart. Jake lifted a hand to wave at his - your - neighbor. 

While you’d been busy taking pictures after the ceremony, the Dagger Squad had taken advantage of the distraction and decorated the truck. ‘Just Married,’ ‘The Seresins’, and ‘Hangman Got Hitched’ were written across the windows with chalk paint. A tangle of streamers was crumpled on the backseat after he’d pulled them off the bumper and hood. Little silver confetti wedding bells were strewn around the cab, and you knew that Jake would be digging them out from the seats for the next year. 

Pressing his lips to your collarbone, he trailed his fingers down your left arm to capture your hand, lifting it to his mouth to kiss your wedding band. You smiled at the white gold band on his ring finger. “Ready?” you asked, glancing over your shoulder to the house, where your guests waited. You’d had everyone park in the driveway while Jake parked in the street so you could leave - you’d booked a hotel in Fresno for the night. When he nodded, you grabbed his cap and your flowers from the console and slid out of the truck. Once the door was closed and the locks engaged, Jake pressed the keys into your free hand and swept you off your feet to carry you across the lawn. Laughing, you put on his cap and kissed him. Thankfully, someone had unlocked the front door, so you didn’t have to fumble with the keys, and he nudged it open once you’d twisted the knob. 

“Welcome home, Mrs. Seresin,” he grinned, not bothering to set you on your feet as he moved towards the kitchen, where you could hear a buzz of conversation. It wasn’t until he turned the corner that anyone seemed to realize you were there. Your mom and Penny were pulling finger foods from the refrigerator. They paused long enough to congratulate you before getting back to work. You offered to help, but they shooed you into the backyard with the rest of the guests. 

The next few hours passed in a blur of hugs and congratulations. After setting your flowers into the vase by your small wedding cake, you sought out your dad, who was manning the grill with Mav. The two men paused their sports car conversation long enough for you to hug your dad and thank them both for coming. Jake offered to take over grilling duty, but your dad waved him off. Jake’s mother and sister chatted with Javy and Fanboy and hugged you awkwardly when you greeted them. “It’s just a shame your father couldn’t join us,” Sarah said, glancing at her son. 

“Yup,” he agreed, unwilling to engage in the argument. 

Rooster had set up a playlist, and music drifted across the backyard as you laughed with your friends. You had a few of your friends from Florida call you, and you and Jake stepped away to chat with them for a few minutes before returning to the party. Tables had been put together in the backyard, covered with linen tablecloths you’d picked up earlier that week, and everyone settled down to have dinner together, passing bowls of veggies, salad, and bread. You turned down every offer for a beer and instead sipped from a champagne flute filled with ginger ale. 

When the sight of Payback’s rare steak turned your stomach, you quickly excused yourself and hurried into the house. Jake was right behind you, rubbing your shoulders as you retched. As you fixed your makeup, he ducked into the kitchen to get a sleeve of crackers. You were both subjected to gentle teasing about sneaking off for a quickie when you returned to the table, and you saw the flare of disgust in Sarah’s face. Jake’s smile was tighter, clearly having caught it, and he raised your clasped hands to brush his lips against your wedding rings. 

When the sun started to set, Jake plugged in the lights, illuminating the backyard with fairy lights. You quickly cut the cake at the photographer’s suggestion and shared a slice with your husband since your stomach was still unsettled. Your smile became a bit more fixed, and when he pulled you into his lap while chatting with Rooster and Phoenix, you fought against closing your eyes as he stroked your arm. 

“Honey,” your dad said softly, coming up beside you. “Can I talk to you real fast?” 

“Hmm?” you said, forcing your eyes open. “Yeah, sure. Of course.” Jake watched as you walked into the house with your parents. 

“I…um…” Dad said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I wanted to see if you…”

“Your father wants to dance with you,” Mom interrupted. 

“Oh,” you gasped, pressing a hand to your mouth as you nodded. “Of course, Dad.” You felt the first tears fall as your dad’s phone started to play My Girl by The Temptations. Laughing, you stepped into his arms, dancing in the living room to what he’d decided was your father-daughter dance song when you were a baby. You could see your mom crying and laughing as she recorded it with her camera, and the back door opened in time for you to see the photographer slipping in. The song ended too quickly, and you reached for the phone to restart it before holding a hand out for your mom. Your dad grinned, gently tucking both of you under an arm so the three of you could sway together like you’d done so many times after he got home from a deployment. 

“You know,” he said gruffly, “this was a lot easier when you were a little girl.”

“Well, I grew up,” you sniffled.

“Don’t we know it,” your mom chuckled wetly. “Grown up, married, and having a baby.” 

“Crazy, huh?”

“Nope, just a new adventure,” your dad corrected, kissing your forehead. He met Jake’s gaze through the window, where he’d been watching you all dance, and smiled. “You found a good one, honey.” 

“I know.” 

“Even if he is in the Navy.” Laughing, you shook your head and wiped your face. 

“I mean, technically, I’m a Navy spouse now.” 

“Air Force brat, first and forever,” your dad said, spinning you and your mother before drawing you back in. “And this one” - he nodded at your stomach - “if they ever decide to go into the military, make sure they follow in their grandpa’s footsteps and go blue.” Shaking your head, you touched your stomach and took a deep breath.

“We’ve got a long time before we have to even think about that.” 

“Hey,” your mom said softly, squeezing your hand before pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. “I know you’re worried about while Jake’s gone, but your dad and I are here for you. We’ll be out here as much as you want us to be, and we’ll do whatever you need.” Your teeth dug into your lower lip as your chin wobbled. 

“Thanks, Mom.” Smiling, she tugged you in for a hug.

“You got this, baby. And those folks out there? They seem like a good group, and they’ll help you where they can.”

“I know.” 

“Everything okay?” Pulling away from your mom’s embrace, you saw Jake’s concerned face as he stepped into the house. Nodding, you motioned him in, eyes darting to the photographer, who quickly ducked outside. 

“Yeah,” you nodded, stretching out a hand towards him. He quickly moved towards you and took it, squeezing tightly. “What do you think about letting the rest of the family know about Peanut?” 

“Yeah?” he asked. You’d talked about when to let people know, not wanting to announce it too early in case anything happened but giving enough time to let the important people know before Jake deployed. But, seeing as most of the people you would want to tell were already sitting in your backyard, it seemed like the perfect time to do it. At your nod, he stepped forward to tug you into his arms, kissing the side of your head. “We’ll leave after. You look tired.”

“Exactly what every bride wants to hear on her wedding day,” you mumbled. Chuckling, he kissed your cheek before grabbing your overnight bags and putting them in the truck while you used the restroom. Hand in hand, you stepped into the backyard, exchanging a glance before Jake cleared his throat. The low rumble of conversation died as the group turned to face you. 

“Hey, we’re… we just wanted to thank everyone for coming and helping us celebrate today. We, uh… didn’t originally plan on getting married like this - ”

“But it turned out perfectly,” you interrupted, squeezing his hand. “Better than any big ceremony.” His grin was blinding as he slung an arm around your shoulders and tugged you in for a kiss. Someone let out a wolf whistle, and you lightly pressed against his chest, feeling the indentation of his metals under your palm. Reluctantly, he pulled away, a heated promise in his gaze. 

“Better than any big ceremony,” he echoed, not taking his eyes off of you. “This one wanted to wait until next year to get married - made me agree that we’d only get engaged this year.”

“But plans changed,” you prompted. He nodded, forcing his eyes off of you and towards his friends. His hand slipped from your shoulders to your waist, fingers lightly stroking your stomach.

“Plans definitely changed.” Jake didn’t say anything, instead savoring the confused looks the Daggers gave one another and the knowing ones that Rooster and Coyote gave him. As the silence stretched, you rolled your eyes and lightly elbowed him in the stomach.

“We’re having a baby.” There was stunned silence before you were suddenly surrounded by people. The Daggers hugged you tightly and slapped Jake’s back, congratulating and gently teasing. 

Your parents, seated beside Sarah and Lina, smiled as your new family celebrated the news.

“Want one?” you asked, holding out a fry. Jake glanced at it before leaning closer, his hands never leaving your thigh or the steering wheel. Scoffing, you fed him the french fry, laughing when his teeth scraped your finger. 

“Still can’t believe you wanted chicken nuggets instead of a steak,” he grumbled. Before hitting the highway, you’d asked him to go through the McDonald’s drive-thru since your stomach finally felt settled enough to eat.

“Blame your son - ”

“Daughter.”

“For not letting me eat earlier. Besides, this seems like the start of a fun tradition - McDonald’s on our dating and wedding anniversary.” 

“We agreed to it being the dating anniversary only, Mrs. Seresin. This is not our wedding anniversary tradition.” 

“Come on,” you wheedled, holding out another fry to him. “How cute would this be? Every year, you, me, and Peanut go to get dinner and tell him - ”

“Her.”

“About how we stopped and got chicken nuggets and fries after our wedding. And if we do it every year, he - ”

“She.”

“Might do it with his kids, and then our grandkids will have this sweet story about how grandma and grandpa always got McDonald’s on their anniversary every year, just like on their first date.”

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” 

“You know what they say,” you said in a sing-song tone, “happy wife, happy life.” 

“I’ll think about it.” You grinned, knowing that you’d won. The rest of the drive was passed in comfortable silence, the soft music on the radio and the road noise nearly lulling you to sleep. 

Jake glanced at you from the driver’s seat and smiled as your eyes closed, head lolling against the headrest. He knew it wouldn’t take long for you to fall asleep, not after finally getting some food in your stomach and the emotional day. You were lucky if you made it past 7:30PM most nights, and it was already closer to 9:00PM. He stole a sip of your Sprite, smiling every time the light caught on his wedding band. 

It felt strange to have something on that finger again. It would take some time to get used to it, but it felt right from the moment you’d put it on his finger when you’d gone shopping. The fact that you’d worried about the metal type in case he got into an accident at work - if they’d be able to remove it from his finger safely and quickly - had taken him off guard. When he saw your father’s gold wedding band, scratched and dented from years of working as a jet engine mechanic and government quality assurance inspector, he understood where the concern came from. You’d already ordered him a silicone band for when he flew. 

As the hotel came into view half an hour later, Jake debated continuing to drive so you would stay asleep. But as he stopped at a light, you inhaled deeply and woke. Blinking at the city lights, you gave him a confused look. “That was fast.” Chuckling, he squeezed your thigh and turned into the parking lot. After grabbing your bags from the backseat, he took your hand and led you into the lobby, unable to keep from smiling when the man greeted you as Mr. and Mrs. Seresin. 

“Come on, darlin’,” he said softly as the elevator stopped at your floor. You lifted your head off his shoulder as he led you into the hallway, pulling you to a stop outside your room. You quickly raised a hand to stifle a yawn, blinking away the tears in your eyes. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“No,” you whined while he opened the door and ushered you inside. “We’re gonna have hot, married people sex. And then bed.”

“Whatever you say, Mrs. Seresin.”

“That’s right.” Turning, you ran your hands up his chest to wrap around his collar, tugging so he leaned down to kiss you. Jake kicked the door shut, one hand fumbling for the light switch while the other closed on your hips as he backed you further into the room. You shifted your attention to the buttons of his coat, undoing them and tugging his undershirt from his pants. He quickly shrugged off the coat and tossed it onto the desk chair as you worked on his golden belt buckle. 

“Hey, hey, hey, slow down,” he said, catching your hands. “We’ve got all night.” Huffing, you toed off your heels before burying your face in his chest. 

“Jake?” 

“Darlin’?”

“Would you be upset if we had hot, married people sex tomorrow?” Laughing, he held you tight, swaying slightly. 

“No, I won’t be upset. You and Peanut had a long day, Mama, and we’ve got the rest of our lives to have hot, married people sex.”

You hummed, a tired smile crossing your lips as you mumbled, “It was a perfect day.” 

“Absolutely perfect,” he agreed, slowly pulling your dress zipper down. “Now, let’s get comfortable and call it a night.” 

Jake folded your dress and his uniform while you washed your face and stood beside you as you both brushed your teeth. Once in bed, you pulled him on top of you, but he stubbornly refused to do anything more than trade kisses after you pulled away to yawn again. Chuckling, he turned you onto your side, pressing his chest to your back. Threading his fingers through yours, Jake smiled when your wedding rings slid against each other before he tucked them against your stomach.

“Night, husband,” you mumbled, snuggling into his embrace.

“Night, wife,” he replied. He felt your breathing slow and thought you’d fallen asleep until you spoke again.

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

----------------------------------------------

Author's Note: They're married! I'll be honest, I didn't expect to write that when I sat down to write the chapter. Thought it was going to be them arguing about the nursery and all the things that needed to be done to prep for him leaving. But Jake and Darlin' had their own ideas! There is so much legal stuff that has to be taken care of before he deploys, and Jake wants to ensure that his little family is taken care of. Had to bring in things from their first date, like fries in the car and the flowers he bought her. Oh, and the cowboy hat rule 😉 🤠 Jake definitely enforced that once Coyote left.

The McDonald's anniversary part is actually my parent's story. Every March 3rd, everyone in my family goes to McDonald's and gets chicken nuggets and fries to celebrate my parent's anniversary because that's what they stopped to get after their wedding. My parents love joking that it's their fancy date night. And the tradition works, because they'll be married 40 years in March! They renegotiate their marriage contract every year, so you can say I drew quite a bit of inspiration from them for this fic.

While it's not super important, this is the dress I had in mind while writing the story. The model is not indicative of how I picture Darlin'.

Read Chapter 14

Tag list: @memeorydotcom; @alldaysdreamers; @kmc1989; @djs8891; @caitsymichelle13; @dempy; @midnightmagpiemama; @lovelyladymayyyy; @caidi-paris; @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby; @bellaireland1981; @lethargicluv; @mayhemmanaged; @tenderclio; @lucypaulette; @abaker74; @trhett21; @misshoneypaper; @schreksdoubledeckerhomechecker; @eternallyvenus; @mavrellover91; @chloeforde; @thatbitcily; @rest-of-brazilian-wax; @percysaidnever; @harperdoodle; @hardballoonlove; @maeleeme; @emma8895eb; @xoxabs88xox; @queenslandlover-93

#hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin x reader #top gun fic #top gun maverick #jake seresin #Hangman top gun #soft!Jake Seresin #hangman smut #hangman fic #D-Day fic #jake hangman seresin

[hangmanbrainrot]

Heyo! I’d like to make a request if that’s alright. I want to know how hangman would react to his pregnant wife enjoy sleeping on her pregnancy pillow more than in his arms. Because we can all tell his major love language would be physical touch ❤️ Thank you❤️

hopefully i did your request justice, anon! <3 i'll be labeling pregnancy as a warning in the tags, as well as in the warnings below, since i know that can be triggering for some.

warnings: mentions of pregnancy, reader has children, established relationship, marriage, swearing, sierra has decided jake's middle name is michael.

notes: none!

word count: 680

pairing: jake seresin x afab!reader

the pillow thief

The first time Jake saw the godforsaken pillow was when it arrived on your doorstep from Amazon. See, such a large box naturally drew his attention, and he’d just about dragged it in the house when you came waddling down the stairs — you and the children you’d been growing for 24 weeks.

“Oh my god, it's here!” You'd said, and he'd been cursing the damn thing ever since. The problem wasn't with the pillow itself, but rather the fact that you'd rather cuddle it than your husband some nights. 

Now, six weeks later, Jake was more than a little grouchy and okay, yeah, he was pouting, but he was tired of not being able to hold you close at night. Every night, you'd beat him up to your bedroom so you were already curled up with the thing and half snoring before he even had a chance to make a move. But tonight, when you'd gotten up to go to the bathroom — and declined his many offers to help — he saw his window of opportunity. In the time you were gone, he'd managed to stuff the grey polyester under your king sized bed before you'd even turned on the faucet to wash your hands.

The man could barely hide his self-satisfied grin when you re-emerged, but he definitely hadn’t prepared for the absolute panic on your face.

“Oh no,” you’d said softly. Were your eyes welling up? “Not again.” 

“Baby?” Jake tested, brows knitted together in confusion. “Baby, what’s going on?” 

“Lulu stole my pillow, again!” you practically wailed in response, tears already dribbling down your cheeks. “Jakey, you didn’t see her? The pillow thief. I’m gonna start closing our bedroom door at night, I can’t believe this. She’s probably already chewing on it and I’m gonna have to order another one.”

By the time you’d finished speaking, you were verging into the territory of hysterical, so Jake quickly decided the jig was up. 

“Wait, wait, wait, before you exile our poor sweet girl…” He released a heavy sigh, then bent to slide his hand under the bed. He couldn’t let your dog take the fall for his theft; his conscience would never let him live it down. As soon as you realized what was going on, you gasped aloud. 

“Jacob Michael Seresin!”

He’d just settled the pillow back on the bed when he glanced up to catch sight of the downright fury in your gaze. He knew you loved him, otherwise he couldn’t have convinced you to marry him and have not one, but three children with him. (The twins were a surprise, nobody on either side of either of your families had produced any. Until now.) But Jake was also fairly certain you would love to exact some sweet revenge on him right about now. He had to clean this up, and fast.

“Okay, let me explain. I just wanted…”

“This had better be a good fuckin’ explanation, Jake.”

To say he was on thin ice was putting it lightly. No, right now, he was out in the middle of a frozen lake and cracks were appearing more rapidly by the minute.

“I wasn’t going to hide it from you forever. I just… Um, maybe, sort of wanted you to, y'know, hold me instead. Pretend I'm the pillow.”

For the first time in the history of your entire relationship, Jake had absolutely no idea what your expression meant. It was fucking terrifying. As you crept closer to him, Jake found himself sliding back further on your mattress to be closer to the headboard. You were downright vicious with a pillow when you needed to be, and he was worried he’d provoked you just enough this evening.

But, instead, you threw your arms around him as tightly as you could with your still-growing children between you. The sigh you released was downright dreamy when you spoke, but the contrast between your words and the sound had Jake’s head spinning. “Oh, honey. If you try something like this again, you’ll be sleeping on the couch until the twins are toddlers.”

#sierra answers 💌 #anonymous #jake seresin x reader #pregnancy tw #tw pregnancy