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funkyyusername · 2 months

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i had never once mentioned it and honestly i don’t know why but my production of urinetown had puppets. we learned how to use puppets for a show about piss. my off night puppet was the best looking one cause i got my connections (me and the techie making the puppets are friends)

okay but actually more about the puppets because they were so cool

-the character who used the puppets the most were the poor character and poor ensemble

-the whole thing with the puppets was that it was like physically showing how the poor were like puppets following orders from the rich

-bobby had this really big puppet where u could control the hands

-at the end of follow your heart hope KISSED the PUPPET and then bobby like became free from his puppet

-it’s showing how he became his own person cause this is when he gets the idea for the revolution yknow

-and then at the end of look of the sky is when all the poor ensemble (minus little sally) shed off their puppets

-because!!! bobby convinced the poor the join the revolution!!!! its showing the rich losing their power!!!!!! its cool trust me

-also don’t be the bunny had puppet choreo which is was the coolest

-also side note while the rich and cop ensemble didn’t have puppets they were like their own thing

-rich people were real life marionette dolls who all dressed the same

-cops were robots

-yes barrel was also a robot

-this does technically mean that lockstocks only friends were a robot and a child

-anyway back on the puppets

-so about little sally!! her thing with the puppets was so cool

-so!!!!! with the puppets basically all poor characters would talk through their puppets. like when they speak the puppet also speaks. opening their mouth and everything

-but!!!! little sally doesn’t control her puppet

-lockstock does

-HEAR ME OUT so basically every single time little sally says a line lockstock is somewhere with the little sally puppet controlling it

-but little sally would give him the puppet!!! like willingly

-it shows how lockstock was like manipulating sally but she was letting him yada yada

-so like whenever lockstock wasn’t on stage and little sally wasn’t yapping she held onto her puppet like a teddy bear

-yes a puppet of herself was her teddy bear dont think too hard on it

-anyway so little sally was the last person to become free from her puppet

-basically during act one finale when she says to lockstock “this may not be a happy musical but its still a musical! and when a little girl like me has been given as many lines as i hav theres still hope for dreams!” is when she SNATCHES her puppet out of lockstock hands

-she SNATCHES her own free will guys!!!

-yeah so the puppets weren’t used to much for act 2

-but!!! during the end of i see a river is when everyone (even rich and cop people) pull out a puppet

-we had this whole ending scene with all the puppets in the sky

-AND MALTHUS OR WHATEVER HIS NAME WAS

-HE WAS THE TRUE PUPPET MASTER

-we have like this balcony thing on the top of our stage and one of the techies went up there to be malthus

-also!!!!!!!! at the end of the musical when everyone gets their puppet back lockstock gets sally and sally gets lockstock!!!

-they’re both manipulating each other!!!

-healthiest father daughter relationship

#urinetown #urinetown puppet show is real guys i was in it #for awhile the little sally puppet was blonde but we had the change the hair like last second #the techie responsive for the puppets threaten to bleach my hair it was really fun #also before we put clothes on the bobby puppet he was so church puppet or smth #idk he had a what would god do shirt it was really funny #also the hope puppet looked like sofia the first it was totes funny #i miss urinetown #feel so free to ask me questions about this btw i have so my emotions towards it

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borderline-gays-club · 5 months

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11/29/23 11:??pm

I think I’ve been so lost for so long that I don’t fully actually know who I am. Like I kno ppl change and shift throughout their life, and I’m at a point where I have lived enough life that I can reflect on all the different time periods and who I was at each period.

But this is not that.

BPD is really never knowing who u are. Even observing ppl who are so sure of themselves can make me kinda envious to be honest. Like it must b nice to not hav to put ur whole body and soul into this work every single day to have a stable identity. I don’t even kno what that looks like inside me. And I don’t mean it in a bitter way at all. It’s just strange to realize that I don’t know what internal stability even is. And other ppl can just not think abt it and they have a stable sense of self. I strive for that of course.

Anyway, bit of a tangeant there. But this is the first time in my adult life that I’ve been fully single. Like no significant other, no one I’m fucking, no one I’m even flirting with, no one that I even find sexually/romantically appealing enough to pursue. Ive just been constantly hopping around since I ever started dating at age 15/16. I haven’t fully been able to really be with myself for over a decade. Bc lust and love have just been an addiction to the easiest form of attention. And pseudo care. Even when that “care” was literally abuse this whole time.

And now I’m here. With me again. The many Mes that have passed thru this body. Some I can’t even really understand anymore. Some still come by every once in a while. Some that I’m very embarrassed of but trying to find a way to talk to those mes as well.

I’m prioritizing myself. I know I still have a lot of problems to work through and I will never know all the answers. But I hope my current belief that things are going in a positive direction are correct. I hope I can look back at this later and b able to say to myself I told u so.

#actually bpd #bgc #bpd #bpd thoughts #quiet borderline #actually borderline #bpd shit #bpd rant

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moving-to-dreamwinged · 6 months

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cw / ed

it’s just hard for me to genuinely believe u care as much as u say when u keep making “jokes” even after ive explained to u so many times how much it hurts me OVER and OVER when i HATE opening up to ppl so even setting tht boundary was hard asf!!!😭😭😭 u know how hard i worked to get in recovery and how it’s been even harder to actually STAY there. u know all the stories abt how my disorder tore my relationship w my family and my old friends about. yet u constantly say triggering shit ON A LOOP EVERY DAY with no fucking warning. bc i had the audacity to be vulnerable for once in my fucking life and open up to u abt my insecurities? then u say my trust issues in general are unfounded and “crazy” when U PERPETUATE THEM. just say u liked me better when i was sicker at this point instead of beating around the bush. for fucks sake

and these r supposed to be my ppl, the closest friends i’ve ever had in my life yet they constantly make me so uncomfortable with the things they say abt my habits and the tidbits they know abt my struggles w mental health. they’re so so great otherwise but then there’s this and no matter how much i explain it they never stop? it hurts so much. and it comes in sprees too; where they just basically bully me constantly for a week and i hav no idea where it came from or how to stop it. i don’t want to let a few idiotic comments interfere wifh all the progress i’ve made but fuck. i decide to treat myself w a lil dessert and there’s a comment. i walk outside in literally any outfit and it’s “oh u better lay off the [whatever food they saw me eating recently] or that’s not gonna fit anymore lol!” i genuinely. don’t understand. iv explained to them hey im in recovery from anorexia after multiple years of struggling w it, ik it’s just jokes to u guys but it really hurts me. nope nothing. the running gag in the friend group is basically that im fat and ugly. that’s their favorite bit nd when they remember how funny it is Oh am i in for a long couple of weeks.

and idk maybe they dont mean it. maybe they rly just think it’s funny; maybe they think there’s nothing wrong w my body so commenting on it is a funny joke bc of the contrast but idrc honestly. one of them even HAS body dysmorphia (and knows i do too!) and STILL does it. like shouldn’t you understand how fucking DAMAGING tht is? its all so hurtful to me in so many ways nd i can’t stop thinking about it. they know i struggle w sh and suicidal thoughts too yet keep this up. like shouldn’t u know that’s gonna make it worse??? i don’t rly have any interest in seeing them if this keeps up. i don’t wanna eat around them or even exist around them if they keep doing this. i feel rly sick. i don’t want to think this is genuinely how my best friends feel abt me and they think it’s ok but. :( i can’t help it. i rly don’t know what to think

#.vent #cw ed #cw ed mention #tw ed #tw ed mention #cw sh mention #cw sh #tw sh mention #tw sh #long

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whxre4hange · 2 years

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the most disturbing deaths in aot

manga spoilers below! u hav been warned!

honestly, all of the deaths in aot were horrifying in their own way, but in this post, im just gonna brain-puke my thoughts about all of the most terrible deaths (in my opinion)

carla

eaten alive by her husband’s ex wife

covered her own mouth so her son wouldn’t hear her weeping for him to come back so she wouldn’t have to die alone ):

also connie’s mother (as a pure titan) recognised connie enough to say “welcome home”

so u cant tell me dina didn’t know who carla was....

>:(

mike

the guy is usually so strong, composed, everything a leader should be

and he was screaming like a child when being eaten alive

it freaked me out

nanaba

similar to mike, a survey corps veteran who was eaten alive

screaming for her father to stop the whole time, indicating some kind of trauma

broke my heart into a million pieces

her death was pretty much forgotten but it stuck with me

marco

and even at the end of the manga

i couldn’t forget the ‘disposable’ character who still had an impact years after his death

he was so fkn innocent and sweet

he wasn’t even angry

he just wanted to talk things out ):

faye

a literal child who just wanted to see the air ships

torn apart by fucking dogs

i can’t comprehend how people can do that kind of awful stuff

especially to a CHILD

as someone who has a sibling that age

idk it really just

yeah

isabel

again, a literal child, who had no idea what she’d gotten into

brutally killed, still believing that levi would come and save her

farlan

and farlan, who refused to run even when he knew he’d die a gruesome death

who waved farewell to levi, a slight smile of acceptance gracing his face

ymir

who willingly went to marley, knowing she’d die, to save historia

who died knowing that she’d never get to marry the love of her life

she was so full of a drive to survive

but in the scene where she was chained up to die

she just looked broken

marlo

and all of those soldiers that charged headon into certain death

who thought of hitch just before he died

she was thinking of you too; worrying about a man who would never return

hannes

who was so wracked by grief and regret that he charged the smiling titan just to avenge Carla

he mightve had a chance to survive, but he got so caught up in avenging carla (e.g. torturing the titan instead of going for the kill because of all of the trauma she caused eren and mikasa), he didn’t

who closed his eyes as he died

he had a good redemption arc but still ):

and all of those survey corps soldiers who died, screaming in fear, pain and anguish. theres too many to name here, but yeah

okay back to crying now! would love to hear your thoughts in the comments :)

#aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #hannes #aot sad #farlan #isobel aot #levi aot #aot imagines #armin aot #aot fandom #aot death #ymir #historia #nanaba #marco bodt fluff #marco aot

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jdtymns · 8 months

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i apologize, im very sorry.

6 yrs ago, there's joy in everythng i do. laughters and innocence in approaching life.

taking steps and uncovering mysteries that lies and offered to me.

exchanging conversations and playful jokes that would literally cause nonstop harmonious giggles.

its nice, it was nice.

years went by and tears begun to show up, anxieties from pending tasks, discussions that led to unimaginable banters of emotion, and traumas that stay, stayed.

theres also fun tho, moments that wished to be kept, memories that wpild be cherished, and lessons that eventually taught me to be who am i today.

i wasnt the bright kid that knwos everythng, not the jester that makes lively comments, not the cool kid that gives off aesthetic style, not the jolly kid that radiates vibrant aura to other, am just the timid kid that lives in his illusionary place that he thinks everyone is nice and gives the benefit of the doubt that all is well, all will be well; isnt?

more years have passed and here i am tonight, its 8-25-2023. i am wandering aimlessly. paths were taken, 5yr loan dictated my next yrs already and that means financially crippled in the yrs to come. barely surviving everyday woth the fam where food is scarce and thinking 2 weeks time before spending money to some fees and daily necessities. career wise, not really. been backed log 3 yrs time, my friends and colleagues were almost done and im on my frst yr. there were days that i keep convincing myself that "we havv our own time", "smol steps lng we r progressing namna" but that alone wont give us to the reality of being here, stucked in the moment.

i was then a happy curious kid, i wasnt supposed to feel this shitty nor to hav this purpose of to gain sympathy form evyrone else.

i didnt like this, but its hir.

naiinggit ba ko sa lahat? yes

can i do that? no

this isnt imposter syndrome nor petty thinking. slowly nandito na sa phase na baka ganto n lng talaga. it is what it is kasi ito ung kaya sa ngayon.

i love the people i havv rn.

theyre my core. fam, hon,relativs, mm, byu.

i luvv u all.

thank u for being patient w me, for being a gud listener, for havving me in ur life.

mahal ko kayo.

its a long post indeed, madrama. but minsan lng to, and i barely exposed nor let this out. ty for staying. if u read this kaht d tayo friends. ty pa din kaht casual lng. :)

havv urself a hug.

u r doing this.

u r thriving, go on.

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manuedws · 2 years

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Do u hav any idea how mc's number went to the group? I thought throughout the entire game the part where we were looking for the chats in Hannah's phone the message with Thomas, there is nothing saying that he got MC's number from Hannah . So how did Thomas get MC's number??? I know the question is complicated

Hello,

First of all, I would like to thank you for this question. It is the first time that I have been asked a question here, and I am very excited to answer. ( yeah , It takes little to be happy)

Since i finished the game, i am really upset by all those unanswered questions, so i thought a lot about that. For now this is what comes to mind :

At the very beginning, Thomas told us he received a message from Hannah with our phone number, but as you point out, there is no message sent from Hannah's phone. There is nothing like 'message deleted by the sender' as you can see on some instant messaging. So this almost excludes that MC's number was really sent from the missing girl's phone.

So? Who could have done that? Who can send a message and fake the sender? It takes a certain skill to do this kind of thing, in my opinion.

I see mainly two options :

1/ It can be Jake , He could, for one reason or another, have hoped to get closer to her.

I recently read a fanfic on this, which I found excellent : You can find this here : https://crow-chaos.tumblr.com/post/689792012348801024/i-know

author : @crow-chaos

It's a great Idea for a fiction and i may give It a try one day.

2/ the FBI , my main theory so far : and that's what i am writting a fan fict right now.

. For them, Send a false message would probably be even easier than for Jake.

. Cheap to make, and would be not dangerous. Noone on the field risking their life. By the way , i imagine that infiltrating groups on the internet is already common.

. At no time in the game, someone ask MC for her/his job.

. There is at the beginning of chapters, or at the start of the game( I no longer remember when ) A video sequence where we can see a man, tied on a chair, beeing beaten so I have always feared that Jake would be finally caught.

This theory does not prevent a possible romantic relationship between MC and the hacker.

Or not ...

You can read , for exemple, the fantastic work of @rw47vr-key here : https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/duskwoodgirl4life/691315640576917504?source=share

I Also invite you to read what i wrote about that theory :

Too late to apologize - Part 1

there are currently 6 parts, and i am still on it, still have a lot to say and explain.

I hope you will enjoy this answer, I would like to have your all feelings about this, exchange theories.

Sending thousand of kisses for u all.

Manue

#duskwood #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood game #jake duskwood #duskwood fandom

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hellurdur · 2 years

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140 questions😋

Pick a question and I'll answer🤗

Then I'll pick and you'll answer

#till we're tired#😋

1.scars?

2.crush?

3.fears?

4.someone you would die for?

5. someone you hate?

6.someone you can tell anything to?

7. have you ever smoked?

8. have you ever drunk alcohol?

9. have you ever done 'bad' drugs?

10. last time you cried?

11.bestfriends?

12.favourite colour?

13. lucky number?

14. birthday?

15. bi/straight/gay?

16. eye colour?

17. hair colour?

18. best body part?

19. obsession?

20. if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

21. male or female?

22. kiss or hug?

23. nicknames people call you?

24. favourite song?

25. favourite thing?

26. worst thing that ever happened too you?

27. best thing that ever happened too you?

28. something you would change about yourself?

29. full name?

30. worst mistake?

31. something your proud of?

32. your dream?

33. watch the movie or read the book?

34. ever tried to kill yourself?

35. favourite TV show?

36. ever self harmed?

37. ever caught a virus, disease or sickness?

38. special talents?

39. do you ever wish you could start over?

40. ever been abused?

41. abused anyone?

42. ever had a near death experience?

43. someone you can't tell anything too?

44. Virgin?

45. Any tattoos?

46. Are u single or taken?

47. someone who knows all your secrets?

48. someone who's secrets you know?

49.single or taken?

50.middle name?

51.last kiss?

52girl bestfriend?

53boy bestfriend?

54favourite song?

55 ever cheated on ur bae /boo b4

56 u wish to fuck me someday?

57 first kiss?

58 play any sports?

59 one secret?

60 who do you hate?

61 longest relationship?

62 who do you like?

63 what do you like in a boy?

64 what do you like in a girl ?

65 what's favourite number/colour?

66 what area do you live?

67 age?

68 Hobbies?

69 one thing you can't live without?

70 ever had sex?

71 Are you naughty?

72 Ever exchanged nudes?

73 Favorite body part of your opposite gender?

74 ever maked out?

75 Wanna explore me?

76 Wanna kiss me?

77 Wanna date me?.

78 your bra size

79 do u wear bra

80 can u let me touch u

81 hug me

82 favorite sex position

83 have a guy have kissed u

84 hav some1 evr seen ur boobs or dick

85 favorite cloth

86 ever feel like hvn sex

87 will u like to sex me

88 best hubby

89 can u let me suck u

90 favorite annual

91 What do you wish to do now if I were there?

92 What are u wearing now?

93. What's ur plan for the day?

94. When last did you play naughty with a guy in real life and flirt?

95 What do u think of when u masturbate OR touche urself sexually?

96 Show me outline of ur boobs/dick thru ur cloth

97 What do u like doing during romance?

98 Dine annal before?

99 see us together in nearest future or whiling away time?

100 When last did you have sex

101 what do you love the most on ur body

102 Glad we are friends or feel like punching mt face most times?

103 What you enjoy most during sex

104 How many are you in your family?

105 What comes to ur mind when you think of me or hear my name mentioned?

106 What's the colour of ur pantie and bra Now, and what type are u wearing?

107 Do you believe in God?

108 Like ur natch shaven or hairy?

109 How u like your man/woman to dress

110 What you like and love most abt me?

111 Would you go to swimming with me?

112 Your worst regret about me?

113 Your most erotic and naughty thoughts about us, in the past or now.

114 Would you love a massage by my own hands?

115 Can you suck me?

116 What's your biggest fear about me?

117 Who do you love most in your life?

118 Will you like to be mine if given the opportunity?

119 What's your best meal?

120 What would you do if we are cuddled at night and I am getting aroused, and rain is falling?

121 Do you love me?

121 what your best fruit?

122 Any great plan for the future?

123 Your best ally in decision taking

124 Your first kiss, where and with whom?

125 What am I to you?

126 Who am I to you?

127 What type of movie do u like watching?

128 Who made you smile most today?

129 What lead to your break up in your last relationship, and do you have any person in mind under consideration?

130 When last did you pray?

131. Who is your worst enemy in life?

132 What do you hate most about me?

133. Who am I to you?

134. What's the colour of ur pantie/boxershorts now?

135. Can you kiss me if I were with u alone now?

136 . What's ur plan in life?

137. Can you marry me if I am ready now?

138. When last did u speak with your mother or father?

139. Do u have a serious relationship or lover?

140. Do you love me? 🤗😘😍💯

#ask me i’m bored #pls ask away #i have time tonight.

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dbphantom · 1 year

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for the fic thing, numbers 4, 20, 33

Ah thank you!!

The fic writer questions post

I'm sorry in advance, this got really long, so I had to switch to desktop halfway through to format it so it wasn't just a big block of text 😅 Like... I'm sorry. Genuinely, I am really sorry.

4. What detail in [insert fic] are you really proud of?

I'm going to do Alkali [ffxv H2O AU] because it's the one I'm currently knee-deep in. I hope that's alright! Truth be told I'm proud of a ton of tiny details in that fic, but my favorite is the change in what fire represents as the fic goes on to parallel Ignis's feelings about himself and the others. It's one of my favorite little descriptions to 'hide' throughout while I'm writing because there's just so much you can do with it.

Fire is dangerous, but it can also represent safety and home. Also it looks beautiful and provides comfort, but if you get too close it will burn you. Something something masquerading as light and leaving only blackened ash something something. Lux Et Umbrae or whatever. Generic stuff. You know. It's enrichment for me though, so I have fun with it.

I think the point where his view on it begins to pivot for the better is after the diner scene with the TV when him and Noct have a chat at camp that night, because Noct is the light of my fucking life surprisingly good at saying awkwardly nice things. Like, okay, he's actually awful at it, but the sentiment is there. Also fire is actually really important in the backstory fic [hang on, I'm getting ahead of myself-] and there's a similar evolution in its meaning for Celor [Ignis's uncle] as well, though his development with it is a bit more straightforward and... Obvious? I guess XD

If you want something a bit more silly, I've hidden exactly 7 H2O: Just Add Water and 2 Aquamarine references in the parts I've written out so far. And 3 Ariel references in Ardyn's dialogue. Oh, you poor unfortunate soul...

20. If you wrote a prequel to [insert fic], what would it involve?

CELOR. cough. I technically have one fully planned [chapters and all], the catch is I actually have to finish the current fic first and oh boy. This backstory fic is technically split into 2 parts. Celor B.B [before baby] and Celor A.B [after baby]. <- I wish I were kidding, but that's how it's split in my brain. It's a lot of years!

Before is the whole 'King Regis and his sluts the gang go on that funky little road trip during the war' thing, which basically establishes Celor as a character, the Scientias in relation to the royal family, and his relationships with the other OGs [Old Guys]. Basically, it goes into detail of what happened in Altissia that caused Weskham to get injured and how the other guys found out about Celor.

It also details the events of that one throwaway dlc? Like some dude showed up in Insomnia? Idk, it was so weird. U might not remember it [joking. Episode Ardyn, M.E 734]. Celor wasn't there for the main event, so he doesn't! He was off working with Drautos to evacuate civilians and stuff. Which kinda starts off their whole one-sided rivalry because Drautos sees some stuff and is like '🤔' about it. Celor is... well, to put it nicely, an oblivious idiot and doesn't even realize, so Titus is snooping around and everyone in the Citadel is like 'dude stop' except for the guy he's actually investigating. I also believe that Drautos has pretty much always been working with the empire. It's not specified when, but you don't become high commander of an army overnight [stares down Ravus]... Just kinda weird that he had time to pull that while also captaining the Kingsglaive, so I think he's always been allied with the Imperials. I digress.

After this attack is over the kids are all born (or cloned, lol) [basically... give it like 2 years and everyone exists] and we enter the A.B era where Celor proves just how bad of a parental figure he can be. For the record, I don't normally like killing off parents in fics too often but, well, Ignis doesn't have any mentioned in canon, so it feels weird to just have them suddenly exist in present-day... Celor is already toeing the line of being a full-fledged OC because there are TWO LINES in the audio story Parting Ways where Ignis's uncle speaks and then I did ALL OF THIS with him. 😮‍💨

Anyway, Ignis's parents' names are Julia Scientia and Harry [who married into House Scientia and took the name]. I named Julia for one of the OG mermaids in H2O, who likely had Rikki's power, and Harry for Rita's fiance in Mako Mermaids who ISN'T a total jerkface, thank you, Karl, you fuckboy- his sole existence made me distrust Karl MM so hard my first time through lol. Anyway, given their names you can probably guess their stories, but also they both die at the end. As parents do when you're discussing protagonist backstories [stares in Aulea].

Julia is the identical twin of Celor [yes, I'm implying he's transgender, do you think their parents named her Julia and him CELOR? Hell no, that's a transmasc name if I've ever picked one-] and Ignis takes after her, and therefore looks a lot like Celor (a lot of people confuse him as being Celor's son). That's why, in chapter 1 of Alkali, Ignis is standing there musing if the mermaid-looking daemon Noct killed in the arcade game would've looked like him. It's not explained why he thinks that in the text, but there you go. Reasons! Oh, also, Julia and Harry are killed by a mob for suspicion of housing a daemon after Julia is discovered, leaving their house burning to the ground and Celor returning with a 2 year old to... that... [seriously, the civilians in this universe are kind of hardcore and not in a good way...].

Celor takes Ignis back to the Citadel after a lot of [kinda superficial because pretty much everyone knows what happened] questioning and Regis (who is also actively mourning his fucking wife and raising a newborn) is like "whatcha got there, bud" and Celor's like "trauma" and Regis just nods and lets it happen. Not... not actually, but that's basically how it goes. Dude gets it. By god bahamut does he get it. Clarus is working overtime so hard to help them both learn how to be a dad. Anyway, you can imagine Celor's surprise when Ignis comes into his magic and it turns out to be temperature control. AKA this kid can now light stuff on fire whenever he wants. Even more bad when it's emotionally-tied. Celor and Cor, uh, put a lid on that ticking time bomb real quick. Just, fully shoved it in the shoe box and wrapped it in 7 layers of duct tape and buried it in the woods. It's not still ticking. IT'S NOT. [It is. :(]

To make things... a little more clear, Celor isn't a bad parent, he's doing his best, but also he's absent-minded and kinda paranoid about keeping the secret after what happened to his sister. Which, you know, a very valid reaction, but also causes him and Ignis to argue a lot over it, especially regarding Noct, especially after the whole Marilith thing. Celor actually argued against Ignis becoming Noct's advisor at all, but Clarus eventually pushed him into it because the kid's gotta live his life at some point, you know? [You might notice some parallels between Clarus and Gladio throughout, because they tend to be the voice of reason :V (most of the time lol)]. But yeah, after the whole Marilith thing, while Noct and Regis are in Tenebrae, Ignis and Celor get into a huge fight about who gets to know about the secret, Celor takes Ignis to the Lux Et Umbrae museum exhibit to make things up to his nerd of a nephew, and I get to loredump about Solheim and how merpeople came to be under Leviathan :) Of course the museum is a little... off... on the details given they view merpeople as a legend about variants of darkness daemons, but still. Shapeshifters show up on full moon nights to steal the bodies of your loved ones and make you one of them, blah, blah. Celor explains it better from what he knows, and Ignis learns about their connection to Leviathan.

Which, oops! Because this kid is pretty determined and he near immediately formulates a plan to summon Leviathan and bargain with her to become 'normal'. Hence the necklace. Which, yeah! Iggy's skull necklace is an important part of Alkali. I don't really bring up too often until they reach Altissia. See, the bargain ended up working... for about a month, until Leviathan intentionally meddled with the set rules to get what she wants (as you do when you're a jealous, vengeful god that also wants your other god friend to, you know, NOT nuke the entire planet). Because Ignis even bargained with her in the first place, and due to the rules she set, he basically gives up his half of the bargain to 'save' Noct's life (it was not actually in danger... parallels!) and still has to pay Leviathan back for her half. The necklace is his reminder of that. A literal chain around his neck. Anyway during this whole thing, oops, Drautos sees some stuff and is like '??????' and passes this info on over to Ardyn who is like '👀👀 interesting...' because, you know, he's an immortal bitch with memories from tons of people and also literally Ifrit. Who was there when Leviathan made merpeople because she was jealous. Jealous and vengeful. Not a good combo... But, yeah, Ardyn easily puts two-and-two together. So, when the Titan roadtrip caravan scene happens in Alkali, it should make a bit more sense. It didn't really NEED explaining, because it's Ardyn, but hey. I did. Bite me.

[And, YES, technically Leviathan was sleeping at this time, but it's more of a dream-state of her being summoned than actually her. I... didn't exactly want 7-8 year old Ignis summoning a literal, very miffed god in the middle of Insomnia's bay. If you know the first ever scene of the water dragon appearing in Mako Mermaids, it's something like that. Water and moonlight and rancid vibes. That's actually another plot point in Alkali, because when they're in Altissia Leviathan wants to wake up on her own terms, so she's trying to get Ignis to the Altar of the Tide Mother to wake her up permanently with his blood. Hey... it comes full circle... ... I should write an offshoot of this where it actually works and angst happens. Hmmm...]

Anyway, things happen after that pretty much as written in Alkali already, though this backstory fic would also cover the fall of Insomnia from Celor's perspective and his death :( It's funny because throughout this, Celor goes from loathing fire, seeing it as the brutal destructive force, to seeing it as hope and joy as seen through the eyes of kid Ignis learning his magic [contrast that to how Ignis views his own magic after training lol], and then after Ignis leaves Insomnia, fire goes back to being this awful uncaring force of nature that ends up getting Celor killed. Well, okay, it was mostly Drautos. But fire played a big part in it. And that's Celor's story. Pathetic merman uncle.

33. If you write chaptered fics, what’s your ideal chapter length to write? Is it different from your ideal chapter length to read?

Um, well. If the above showed you anything, I tend to write a lot... Sorry about that. I would say 20ish chapters is normally what I plan, but then everything goes off the rails. I intended for Alkali to be about 15 chapters, then it hit 20, then 30, now we're at 67 in planning and counting. Now if only I could actually write it all XD

And no, I love all kinds of fic!! One-shots, multi-chapters... So long as the premise is good, I'm here for it. I won't guarantee I remember to finish all the fics I start reading, but the chapter length has never held me back on starting them before. I just have a bad memory and never check my bookmarks :( Which I should do more often!!! Maybe I will do so tonight...

Anyway, thank you so much for letting me ramble about this! I really appreciate it, I'm always itching to talk about the stuff that lurks in my brain. 💙💙 I owe you one.

#ask #thank you!!#cruddy rambles #like. I am REALLY sorry this got so long. I got excited #H2O au #the keep reading break moves a paragraph down every time i edit this? huh? what kind of glitch...

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lightfromandromeda · 2 years

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media progress

was making a big big post that got deleted so im trying again hhhhhhh. me thoughts on what ive watched/read/listened to about classic who, eu, some nuhwo

Second Doctor

I finished the second doctor awhile ago and i fucking adored him. he was just a silly old man and he cared about his friends so much ;w; i thought it was rly sweet that he took in victoria but also like my man this fuckin babey child lost everything and ur putting her into terrifying and dangerous situations like SIR. i lov LOVED the rly sweet moments she and the doctor had tho, specifically the one in the tomb of the cybermen where theyre taking turns sleeping. and when she left, jamie was so devastated he cares he much. hes a huge women protector and if theres no women around to protect he only has a half hour til his brain explodes. LOVE THIS MAN. HES A FUCKING GOOFBALL. hes brave, headstrong, and denser than a brick and with a heart of pure gold. and zoe. zoe my fucking bb grill. first of all i absolutely love it when she tears ppl into shreds with her huge brain. and like,,, i know it rly wasnt addressed again but i rly felt with her struggle of being so logical and computer like that ppl would give her a hard time about not being emotional (OH THE IRONY) and i wished that was addressed more? i like how her and the doctor are on the same like intellectual wavelength and he and jamie will tease her about it a lil like ‘oh did u calculate that too’ and she’ll be like yeah i fucking did what did u do huh huh. she was the best and these three were my fav team in a long time. all of their departures made me so sad but im also surprised it wasnt sadder? jamie and zoe being forced back where they were when the doctor picked them up and they dont wanna go!!!!! but when theyre told they have to theyre like aw :( alright like NO MAKE A STINK ABOUT IT!!!! especially zoe!!!! shes just going back to ppl who wouldnt rly listen to her or take her seriously as a person and i think she shouldve been more upset honestly!!!!! i loved it tho when the doctor and the other time lords were watching jamie when he got back to his time and he immediately sees a redcoat and is like ‘oh ill get this bastard’ and chases after him with a knife while the doctor just smiles and laughs cUZ THATS HIS BEST FUCKING FRIEND. GUHHUGHG. i love how throughout the doctors life he still loves jamie and thinks of him as one of his best friends ever. the second doctor is definitely somewhere in the top for me out of all the doctors ive seen. ill prob listen and read a bunch of his short trips and other stories thru big finish with him

Third Doctor

uh oh grumpy!!!! grumpy guy!!!! grumpy guy thats pissed off at his ppl for stranding him on earth!! but ofc hes still got some silliness in him, i dont think he could survive without it. i thought this was a fun setup for the doctor cuz it rly challenges him. he cant go where he pleases, hes stuck using very limited or primitive technology, hes sent along or dragged places when things get fucky and has to sort them out, has to deal with soldiers, other military ppl, ppl of authority that 90% of the time doesnt listen to him, and he fucking hates it. and he hates it even more when the timelords start using him and make him deal with their problems. hes trying so hard to get his life back to normal. he loves earth but more as a playground then as a place to live. i think liz kept him sane in the beginning which is why he was so disappointed when she left, which like me too king there wasnt enough of her she was awesome. and jo :3. i lov her. shes not the brightest but her heart is in the right place. i fucking loved when the doctor was complaining to the brig how he couldnt just hav anyone as an assistant and needed a scientist and the brig just goes,,,, yeah i can get you a different assistant,,,, if you tell jo that youre letting her go. and of course he wouldnt. im not sure if he could in any of his regenerations. hes a grump but still a softie!!!! DR: “Jo i just wanted to tell you-” JO: OwO DR: “....that i look forward to working with you” YEA THATS RIGHT. i lov that shes sneaky and honestly resourceful AND I WISH THE DOCTOR WOULDNT BE SO MEAN TO HER!!! BE NICE TO HER OLD MAN!!! anyway the master is also here and hes so saturday morning cartoon villain and its so fun. i love how the master and the doctor interact with each other like,,, i can smell it,,, homosexual in nature but theyre being veeeeerryy professional about it. almost done with season 9

Eighth Doctor

i cannot accurately describe my love and joy for the eighth in words. besides words like hes my blorbo,,, the scrungkly if you will. i LOVE HIM!!!!!! s o much!!!! hes kind, real goofy, genuine, full of compassion, sarcastic, theatrical, and soooooo fucked up :). ive listened to all of charleys and lucies era including their further adventures (my girls my fucking beloveds), the stories with mary shelley, just started dark eyes last night, and im on the 17th book in the edas. i adore charley and want to listen/read everything there is with her in it, which ive done a lot of already, just not her stories with 6 yet. i wanted to watch 6 in classic who first but since im not even done with the third doctor yet ITLL BE AWHILE. and lucie BABEY. i think the best dr/companion relationship is when theyre just best friends. just two fuckin goofballs that enjoy being around each other. lucie loved the doctor so much cuz they had so much fun together and she was rly good at getting shit done. cuz its lucie miller ofc. ANDANDNAND WHEN FUCKING SUSAN CAME BACK i loved hers and the doctors reunion u could hear how happy both of them were just to see each other again U COULD HEAR THE SMILES and it KILLED ME. my favs of the eda books so far are vampire science, genocide, alien bodies, kursaal, seeing i, and the scarlet empress. and i lov sam so much. starts off as a tough butch teenager that wants to do good for the world. i think its very cute that she tries to be all cool and nonchalant when with the doctor cuz thats soooo teenager behavior. at first i refused to acknowledge her crush on the doctor (i wanted it to be familial cuz thats what it felt like!!!) but i like how she explored her thoughts with that. i mean she was way in over her head by starting from the ground up on a different planet in her far future just so she woudlnt have to face the doctor cuz she was so embarrassed. #girl i must say. now shes over it i think? in the scarlet empress she said that she loved him to whatever that thing was in that river but it wasnt clear to me if it was romantic or if she was just saying that they were close (im also stupid so). hope its not romantic, ive never rly been a fan of romance (ex ive never rly cared much for tenrose). ive been saying this from the start give this old man a child to care for (not like a beby child like a teenager/young adult). ANYWAY im very excited to continue dark eyes, i lov molly very much so far, and the rest of the books. and a bunch of other audios with the 8th dr like short trips and specials.

Tenth Doctor

i listened to the first audio from dalek universe 1 and uh wow. its good!!! ill be honest i dont remember some of it cuz i was rly high and tired listening to it but it was still alot of fun. i was worried i had to know who anya was before starting but luckily that wasnt the case. its funny going back to the tenth doctor cuz he was my top favorite for the longest time so im just like,, ‘whos my fav little pinstriped hellion :3 U ARE U FREAK!!!!’ i dont hav much of an opinion yet since ive only listened to one story but so far its fun !! and will def listen to more.

13 + other eu

i havent touched nuwho since i finished the 12fth drs run cuz i def needed a lil fictional grieving time. im a bit hesitant on watching the 13th dr cuz ive heard soooo many differing opinions about her stories and how shes written. i also know various spoilers which doesnt rly matter cuz i dont hav most of the context that goes with it. im also worried im not gonna like yaz much. i think overall im gonna like it cuz its doctor who and its fun and i enjoy things easily. i just dont know when im going to start it. cuz man theres so much. so much to consume. i also rly wanna get into the gaillfrey series but i havent seen any of romana or leela in the show cuz im not there yet. i prob dont have to to start it but whatev.

#doctor who #doctor who eu #doctor who edas #second doctor #2nd dr #third doctor #3rd doctor #eighth doctor #8th dr #tenth doctor #10th dr #thirteenth doctor #13th dr #The stuff in my brain #ahhahhah #yum im so full from CONTENT

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aphrorite · 2 years

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-ˏˋ sweetheart diaries ˊˎ- #4 !! 🌷🌸🎀

૮₍ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ₎ა ♡༘

⋆ ✧₊ may 24th 2022 ☀️✨🌷 ⊹ɞ

hello diary ! its been sos long sinc ive wrote here :S thahts okay though, life gets busy soemtime and sometime i not able to write becos of it <3 today was great!

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hmmm where should i start disry ?!??! i havent seen u in so long ))): i lay on teddy comfy back as i weite this bc he make a fluffy cute pillow and he is so generous 💕💕💕 i luv teddy .

umm so the last time i weote was on may 14, si mayb i make list of notable thing ! here it is (:

felt sick one day so stay home n then m found out ir was plumbing day

my cat discover new window n he lobved it so much. was up on bhis tupy toe n was enjoyin fresh air .

had olumbing com over n get toilet fized >_>

may 15 made toast n agua for meself on a lil chop boar dn enjy brekafast

may 17 i groute d my mosiac media ezploration . i did an ugly magenta tbh and it iddnt turn out how i intended but then again ir was only media ezploration )): next time i go fir darker grout. here was finished mosiac before grouting

may 17 at work befor my shif i also saw thes realky chte tanks !!! i trie them on but they didnt rlly hav my size n the pink didnt look as nice as i thought it would but the white did n the blue ehhhh ,, here they r ! i also found out my fav coworker too has the same disorder as me and i felt not so alone knowing tht . it made me feel like someone understood my struggle an di am so grateful to have a coworker like her. i am not happy that she suffers with the same issues but i am glad thqt we can both fight our hardships together . <3

may 18 very sad day ): am work very hard on makeup but had not so good time at school dance so was vert sad. m felt very out ofnplace )): but in hindsight, m also call tht one guy n ask if hed like watch stranger things this friday ! so we hav that day for him n i <3

may 19 m thought of very cute leggings, leg warmers n new aesthetic more , so now am want to change my room up and go for my pink idea ! i always felt bad for wanting it to be all pink ebcause it doesnt necessarily align w my feng shui but i wa s like , “ let me stop confinin myself “ , so im plan 2 get cute pink posters (n design them,) more ffske folliage, hanging plants , lace curtains/ transparent , pink rug and wayyy more plushie !!!

may 19 i also went get my mediciatuon refile , they gav me 67 when they meant 74 but utl l b ok cos i up dosage upon next appointmen maot likely ! i also saw pretty lipblam 🥺🥺 may 19 i paint my mosiac frame black !

fri may 20 i wok up too late 2 get ready n missed bus so instead of adking relativ who im not fond of,,, I WALK 3 KM!!!! 3000 m in 40 minute to my school n cross highway ^_^ it acc big feat for me bc ive never cross highway bflre when walking n also NEVER have walk that much in ine moring. i was determine to get to school and i did !! did NOT MISS SCHOOL !!! 😎

fri i also went to awerie n se etheir flare n i tried them on and i relalt like d them !!!! i didnt buy them rhoguh becaus when i tried to it didnt work out bc theyw erent accetin phon paymen t / it didnt work ): so i put on hold.

fri was grwat doe cos i ALSO MADE MY LUNCH !!!! LOOK LOOK LOOK. IS SO PRETTYYYY I SO HAPPY BOUT IT ! i wish i had sandio lucnh box tho so i will get one soon. is was yummy bc usuall i wake up too late to make lunch ): so i had ice tea , 2 pb sandwich, cheeseit, breton veggie cracker, granola and croutons ! yumyum

friday i work bery hard in fitting room to make sure every cloth wa s detail so i proud myself ^-^ i sad tho bc on fri i found out my one friend isnt who she rlly was n she like dark humor for attention which made me feel really invalidated )): so i never hangout w her anymor and gonna distanc

saturdy i did pintwrest, made new board n cleaned up pinterest but still hav to work on it, clean some cameraroll, shop n hav fun ! i thin k i also watch show another close friend n i kinda hav lil crush on him ))): we wathc 5 episode n fall asleep in calls o i b his alarm clock . funny thin is tho before we hungour he called me while i was showering n it was funny cos i was wondering ‘why my music so quiet?’ peek out curtain and see a pleasant surprise ! i told him call me back doe cos ofc i busy cleaning meself !!! hmph , we laughed abt it tho cos😁 i was happy he called me tok bc he was on my mind n i always wish hed call instead of me doing it first . n then later he put me to bed cos i got drowsy cos mediciattioon aargeghh but we spend whole day together <3 n i folded my cloth too! i also look at more room inspo n made list for wht i want to buy !

sunday i did LOADDDDSS of math hoemwork n i so proud myself for it , i finish and got caugh t up! sister b so kind n she help me clean room , so i fibish xleaning and also DID MY LAUBDRRRRYYY I SO PROUD I HAVENT DOBE THT IN FROWVER

monday i fibisb painting , did more pinterest work on spotify n look at shein for little, n during weekend i learned how to weite upside down ! coolio . i slso took walk, wore cute outfit black stocking w plaid skirt black sweater and white collar and did my makeup 😋 i soend time wi my cat too !! i also did sims 4 reblogging on other acc hehe

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n now we in present ! today i wore the same fit i wore the other day bx ir wasntn dirty, woke up in time but had trogbl gettin out of bed bc it was rlly cold. blanket so warm so i lau at floor of staircase burrowed in blanket cos ellie so warm aargrggh then got ready.

i didnt hav kuch in lunch but moma camw in cluctch with making more pasta so i toon tht for work n also had breton cracker n 2 made good granola bar.

i brin canvas n wallet cos today i want handed in. y canvas n buy the flare legging ! school was good n i did really well in math w anawritjng question and understanding material :3 i so happy abt that bc usually i feel like i am strugglin behind , but my misophonia kept kicking in ),:

theguy still havent stopped courhing and the orher person vocal tics (whxih i know they cant help) relaly made me angry . i know not to be angry and i am not acc angry at them rhouvh it is very irritating ): ofc i am bery stonefave so no one can tell i am angry , and plus i dont want to make anyone sad .

art class went bot so well ): ,, i was finishing my sides and the sand when I accidentally tip uellow paint all over my cabvas 😭😭 theguy who sat across fron me was kind and saved my canvas from fultl flipping over , dude had great reflexes but there was a big fat blob of yellow pajt on floor witb some splatters . it got over my canvas so i had scrapped off w cardboard n then scrapped the paint w the cardboard off the ground and back jnto fhe conrainer, and then i use dawn soap, brown paper towel and sponge to scrub dub dub, and then u couldnt even tell it was there . i am proud for cleaning ip it sow ell but i think mybe god was telling me tht i had to do one kr more finishing touches, sooo i went to work w canvas and home w it, and also saw dat my framw wasnt black emigubso i brough it home too to paint it more black.

i bough flare legging tho, got free agua at satrbuck bc i forgo watnottle, had starbuck popcorn (yumyum i luv popcorn !) and it wa great!!! 🍿💛

hehe, i felt so pretty wwaring the legging rht i wore it to work hehe and i got compliment on mt outfit too. i favetime sisrer during lunch too. and guess wha diary? i ddi amzing at work today :33 i also listen to my sleepy agedre playlsit rn while i write this !

i did 3 stock boxes in 30 min!!! thrts 10 mins for wach unpacking, and then i hung then up n tagged them all by myself ^w^ i was so proud tht i got it done (securi tagging in 57 min, total time took for 3 boxes is 1 hr 48)

my ocd was kicking in ahain with the number of aecurity tags i had and it was a little difficult but i trudge through it n tried to not breakdown over it n so i didnt !! i also met new coworker today, her name angelina 😇

i was so happy tht i did it i felt unsfoppable, n i got praises for my pretty painting from wmployees when i walk into shops n also praises from my coworker s n pll were impressed that i did stock so quicj so i very proud ^⏝^ i put clothes out on sales floor too but at end of shift i went back to get my canvas cos i forgo x_x

when home came my ankle pain rlly kcike din bc it was sore during my shift n still hurts as i weite this ))): hopefully i sleep it off n it go away . i didn do much homeworks until 7 ish but i still trusges through my sampling math homework and painted my frame black and fixed my painting yellow mistake n then got ready for bed 💤💤 i beush my cat today too n he got lots fur, i saw him climb up a carpet n it remind me of spiderman !! he gwtting realt confident n it make me happy

i felt little meh abt wanting to self care but i pushed myself to do so ! 😼 so i lotion my sof skin, gargle w mourhwash, brush teef brush hair n then got into bed w comfy comforter ! i also went on walk w sister n went barefoot, got feet dirty but i wash it before bed, n also walk in grass which is theuropedic !

anyway diary, i look at list, go use lou, and shop for a lil befor ebed. love u!! i check in once in a lil bit. baiiii!!!! 👋👋😴

p.s ⭐️🌻 i forog mention, AHHHH kendrick lamar is in town soon !!! when i am not agedre/agere, i would LUV to see his concert n i think i migh b able go so im gonna b stoked for that OMGOMOMG 🌼💛

╭┈─────── urs truly, ࿐ ˊˎ-

╰┈➤ sweetheart xx

#sfw agere #sfw agere blog #agere #aphrorite.diary #🌸

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cat-eclipse-m · 3 months

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MADAME WEB BRAINROT - MOVIE ANALYSIS (SPOILERZZ!!!!)

HIHI QWELKOM I WANNA ANALYSE THE NEW MADAME WEB MOVIE (SPECIFICALLY THE CHARACTERS)

BTW THIS DOZ HAV SPOILERS SO PLZ CLICK OFF IF U DONT WANT ANY!!!!

i feel like the movie was rated really harshly, with like, a 13% something or whatever enjoyment rate

first off, the quality wasnt ACTUALLY that rubbish. lemme explain;of course, the fight scenes were kind of garbag, and all the camera angles during those scenes made people dizzy and ajegfdbjhersgfde... but i think for like, general scenes, the camera angles and shot types were actually pretty good choices, especially in the first half of the movie.

MC/MW/CW - CHARACTER ANALYSIS

i got really FUCKING angry at how BITCHY Cassey Web was (MC) and i just kept thinking to myself, HOW IN THE LIVING SHIT WAS BEN FRIENDS WITH HER. But although she was such a fucking WHORE her character development was actually amazing and the way she changed was so effective the way it was implemented. sure, she was angry at scenes and didn't do that well under pressure, but every human has flaws, right? she also learnt to appreciate things like her mother, who she HATED all her life, and the 3 kids sHE MANAGED TO ILLEGALLY ADOPT. her growth as a character was actually fascinating, seeing how someone could change throughout their journey.

JC+MF+AC - CHARACTER ANALYSIS

okay so, Mattie was a BITTTTTCH. she was your stereotypical mean/cool girl, and she would always talk back and rebound off of what people say. i hate how she was picking on Julia, ffs girlie cant even catch a bREAK!!! she was kinda stubborn and really dense, always wanting to get her way and all. but towards the end Mattie starts to become nicer, or, if you'll put it, less harsh. Mattie also helps Julia embrace more of her confident side, like getting her to talk to this group of boys and even getting her to dance on the table to have fun. Julia was always that kinda shy girl, the kinda bookworm that has a teddy bear they sleep with but also knows taekwondo. she's always been a bit of a pushover, but atleast tries to stand up for herself. she's also the only one who really apologises for doing something wrong and really acknowledging what she's done. okay. Anya Corazón. she was actually my favourite out of the trio. her personality was very laidback and calm, and she's more of the type to go with whatever life gives her. she's not too opinionated and still has the heart to disagree with things, and her calm demeanour helps her to stay put and make desicions.

okay Ben doesnt get that much screentime but he's a G he carried

mr nice guy fr^^^^^^

the ideas were actually great, amazing, fantastic even, however, the screenplay/writing/layout of the way they decided to portray could've been improved by a longshot. although, there were inherently funny scenes that really made me laugh, and sprinkling in a bit of comedy is always great.

the line Santiago said; "When you take on the responsibility, great power will come."

ANALYSIS; this piece of dialogue could help to suggest that when you're ready to face the consequences and hardships of whatever, then you'll be able to power through and keep going.

one thing i'd like to suggest is that, for madame web, they should have cassey work on her powers and show her actually PRACTICING or WORKING on how to use them. that one scene where she just DISCOVERS she can manipulate herself to have her bodies in MULTIPLE places at once was so sudden and they could've given us evidence that she atleast practiced or that she ABSOLUTELY KNEW how to maneuver this technique.

overall, funny film. it wasnt downright dogshit, but its not the best of the best. i think it was rated too harshly, but thats just my opinion. <3

thank u guys for sticking here reading my shitty analysis <333

#MADAME WEB ANALYSIS #MWA #RANT

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daydreamsandsilhouette · 3 months

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“the panic years”

that’s how my 20s have felt anyway..

a panic to be perfect, to hav everything figured out before 30. a panic to stay ahead of the cost of the living crisis, and buy a house all while staying present because u’re only in ur 20s once.. remember??

a panic when people’s success on linkedin makes ur stomach drop.. or a panic when u’ve been enjoying the weekend and didn’t feel the need to post about them but the rest of instagram stories does.

a panic to constantly self-improve, to read more books, go for a run, do yoga, until reading more books, going on a 10km run, and meditating becomes more of a chore than a hobby that u do just to tick off a to-do list.

a panic to make people proud and spend time with aging grandparents and growing nephews and nieces.

to keep up with trends, plans, and friends and skincare..

quite frankly, im tired of panicking about panic years coz i panic about it anyway.

i’ll go panic but i live my life as i wish; and it turns out im happy how it went and how and where it’s going

maybe im just taking my time to catch up in certain parts of life, but u know what?? that's what makes life interesting, right?? figuring things out as we go along, step by step. life would be pretty boring if we had it all figured out from the start, don't you think??

#dear self

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

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6:14 pmpdt 8 April 2023 Saturday

it’s meant to be that I’m writing ✍️ in tumblr. I’ve been in denial the whole time. 😞 . He’s serious about killing me and making me fall. I think he wants me to jump. Is Anne die go. No one stood up 🆙 for me. All did what he wanted. Same like no one finding dugard from 1991 to 2009. I hope you are all proud of yourselves. For letting me and people like dugard suffer and Shannon Ruth. I hope you find the friends you deserve. Someone who will stand by you and never let you down. The only way that would happen is if incubus likes all of you. Stroh is proud. She’s wearing a “Juliet necklace.” They all like that I’m dying 😵. And they like Nick carter and probably Nick V./B. Life seems to have been far kinder to them than to me. I didn’t get the worse, but I was abused a lot by incubus. 6:20 pmpdt

7:26 pmpdt I did most of my driving practice in south San Jose where the speed limits were higher b4 I got my license. And I felt a lot of internal pressure mental pressure from my mom always telling me to hurry up and being extremely annoyed with me. Even though she told me to slow down a lot I still had this inner stress mental steas anxiety to not make people wait. It’s weird and not ok 👌 but that was what it was. Kar dash I Anne. 7:30 🕢 pmpdt

8:08 pmpdt garrido is allowed to have s*x and I’m not? Is that fair? Hav vaii. 8:09 pmpdt

11:13 pmpdt when I lived in alum rock 🪨 the neighbor across from us had a van? with a green license plate ... the license plate had the letters F L U. He moved out b4 I ran away in 2020. 11:15 pmpdt

9 April 2023 Sunday ☀️ 2:48 am pdt

I looked at the eyes 👀 again of the incubus picture I pinned. Those eyes 👀 look like they hate me. I think 💭 if I beg it won’t make a difference. Please stop 🛑 taking my bones 🦴 . It made it worse ! I was going to fill a paragraph sized chunk with please don’t take my bones 🦴😞😖😭😭😭😭 please don’t take my bones 🦴 please don’t take my bones 🦴 please don’t take my bones 🦴 please don’t take my bones 🦴 please don’t take my bones 🦴 please don’t take my bones 🦴 please don’t take my bones please don’t take my bones 🦴 please don’t take my bones 🦴 please don’t take my bones 🦴 please I’m tired of living. I don’t want to live broken again. 2:53 pmpdt please stop 🛑! 2:44 am pdt

3:44 am pdt if I ever needed surgery I bet they would murder me in the surgery room. Bcz they KNOW they were BAD! If you want to know what it was, it was liquid albuterol for nebulizer. 3:45 am pdt

9:21 am pdt incubus is still robbing me of my bones 🦴. Lucias dowry. They are not going to stop 🛑. Like in the song harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. 9:22 am pdt he did a lot of stuff for many years to trick me. At least I was trying to still like my boyfriend. At least I started to like him b4 kissing him. 9:23 am pdt they do it to betray me. True I should have tried to be more honest with my feelings and everything. But I grew up 🆙 feeling inadequate? Not acceptable. Acid throat. That my feelings weren’t acceptable. Incubus And family do it to torment me. Setting me up 🆙 to be disappointed and heartbroken 💔. Bcz what they said was a lie that could never be truth. It’s not like they tried to be my friend and hang out with me but they pretended to be my children and husband. Waaaaaay different than dating someone. The two situations cannot and will not be equal. We were still trying to make it work dating each other, while the other lied about established deep connections over a lifetime from birth to now. Me and ex boyfriend NEVER said “I love you” and incubus and fake offspring were showing tears 😭 of empathy/sympathy as if I’m their mother. It has moved into heinous territory. Acid throat pain 9:32 am pdt. Scott walked all over me. My aunt tried to walk all over me. My cousin tried to walk all over me. Cousin said to us she doesn’t owe us anything. Ok 👌. Don’t cry like you care then over the phone ☎️. You lying 🤥 so you will continue to be forgiven for trying to kill me with your punch 🥊 into the top 🔝 of my head? 9:34 am pdt incubus walked all over me. People always try to walk all over me probably Bcz I’m petite and a female and probably Bcz I’m not 100% white. Non white people are usually subjected to slavery. 9:36 am pdt 9:37 am pdt incubus don’t care 🤷‍♂️

11:15 am pdt if incubus wasn’t around what would rapists do? 11:16 am pdt. I don’t believe I hit any one. I believe I came close though. Incubus showed me he controlled traffic and did me a favor when I lived in blossom hill south San Jose, so why wouldn’t incubus do me another favor if he showed me he controlled traffic? Did he do me a favor Bcz he raped me in incubus form? 11:19 am pdt that would have been nice 👍. But I guess it was to put me in a bad situation with wishful thinking 💭 in the future hoping that I would f up 🆙? 11:21 am pdt

11:22 am pdt I don’t expect to find proof acid mouth 👄 roof 11:23 am pdt that Amar malek was at UCB in December 2008. If he used Lauren K. And killed her to hide his tracks then I should not expect anything. Feel free to forget about it. Forever. If you can’t help me save my bones 🦴 which is all I want I want my health back butt bone 🦴 pain 😖😭 then I don’t want any more to do with it. Holland can keep all the money 💰 if I lose my bones 🦴. 11:26 am pdt 11:27 am pdt. Bcz I probably won’t have the heart ♥️ to live with them making me unable to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ everyday. No one wants me around anyway. 11:29 am pdt

11:34 am pdt I see things a lot differently now that I’ve realized something. I’m not being killed Bcz Of something I did. I probably didn’t do anything that resulted in anything big. I m being sacrificed Bcz that’s the way this world 🌎 works. It’s not big enough to accommodate everyone for every one not to suffer 😞. 11:37 am pdt but they want to toy 🧸 with me like that Bcz it makes (pain Stab right foot 🦶 bottom 11:38 am pdt) it easy to accomplish their goals. They lie to me all the time. They say/give hints I have memory of being wife to incubus but they won’t let me remember (acid mouth 👄 pain 11:40 am pdt) they are manipulating me into a weird situation that I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what is going to happen to me and what they are going to do. All I have are hints without explanation from Them. 11:42 am pdt this sucks. I want to not be alive. 11:42 am pdt I wish I was never born. 11:43 am pdt

11:45 am pdt I wish there was an index and complete reports of every crime online for people to look 👀 up 🆙. I tried looking up 🆙 hit and runs in 2018 and there was not much. I think 🤔 he really does not want me to know. And he wants to torture me forever ♾ about it. I have asked him and I thought 💭 he was giving me signs 🪧 and I believed it was to answer my question 🙋🏻‍♀️ but I have been going through hell physically. For years I was in emotional and psychological anguish? Definition? B4 2017. I didn’t even want to learn to drive when I was a teen. I was always scared 😱 of driving since someone hit us in my mom’s car 🚗 when I was ≈11 years old. Everyday I had to start over again over coming this fear of driving. 11:52 am pdt 😖😢😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤😤🥵😤🥵

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srlkiller · 1 year

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Have you ever thought that maybe ur more sick than u think and maybe it’s actually u that’s the issue… might be something to think about

OK SO i hav a million asks in my inbox but this 1 is so beyond ignorant & passive aggressive for quite literally no reason bc why are u so invested in my life for…? lmao.

have u ever thought that maybe u don’t actually know me or anything that’s going on in my real life.. whether it is the shit that i am currently going through (which is numerous forms of abuse by my parents) or all of the things that have happened in my past.. im talking about in REAL LIFE. bc this is the internet.. a literal blog site where i randomly type things whenever im either really heated or bored as shit. n that’s rare now. this year n probably last year too i posted rants like.. give or take, every like… 3-6 months (if that). so u either got this whole image, ideology & ‘persona’ of me from a blog site.. or the very very few sporadic Insta stories i post which are mainly songs i like, memes or funny vids reposted? lmao.. i don’t post on my own Insta anymore. i literally only use youtube or zeus network now & i actually hav a private tumblr that only i can see. this 1 doesn’t get used, u must hav missed wen i posted about that :(( anyone who knows me/has known me irl.. or has been following me for a while knows that im a very open person.. & ive been open for YEARS on this dumb ass blog (which clearly ur privy too… bc u read my posts n lurk my page lmao 🫠)the whole “have u ever thought that ur ‘more sick than u think” is such an ignorant fucking statement. like.. i know exactly what is ‘wrong’ w me & im actually perfectly fine as long as i do not get triggered by certain people in my environment (which is the issue at hand among others with that same individual & other family). as ive aged & gone through so much these past 5/6 years i have grown & evolved so much as a person that whatever ‘persona’ you seem to have of me being ‘sick’ doesn’t exist today… unless you’re referring to my physical health issues? then yes ive been sick these past 2 weeks & do get ‘physically sick’ quite often due to my chronic severe physical health conditions.

ive been more than transparent (probably too transparent tbh) on here as well as my Instagram for many many years about my mental health issues + physical health issues. all of my conditions/disorders are chronic conditions that i have to live & deal w for the rest of my life.. so things like 4eva tryna find the right treatments for EVERY condition, spending thousands on operations, doctors, specialists, hospitals, medications that don’t work or give you awful side effects, meds that do work but cost hundreds, meds that are addicting with no warning from the doctors ect ect but the biggest thing of all is simply just tryna function each day like a normal human being whilst being in a very toxic environment with zero support, love or care from those who are supposed to nurture & protect you. so yeah sometimes i do get fucking angry, frustrated n upset about that shit n just wanna rant on here about my feelings. there are certain things i share on here wen i hav no one else 2talk too.. im an only child & hav gone thru sm shit with past ‘friends’ & exs in such a short amount of time i could truly write a whole book or movie script on it all. but instead i write things on here. it made me go absolutely crazy then turn into a total paranoid recluse. it was a soul destroying experience but one of the most powerful life lessons to be able to learn. it made me who i am today n changed me completely.

BUT- n real life tho.. you really do not know my situation.. you do not know me.. & you do not know what i deal with on a daily fucking basis. id love to see u try n live even jus a day as me irl...u would 100% neck urself before the day was even over. im not stupid.. i research everything when it comes to my conditions & diagnosis’s. i also studied psychology & did a major in forensic psychology while doing a bachelor of law & justice. ive studied the DSM-5, done every kind of therapy & treatment plan you can imagine. ive been in treatment since i was like 11/12. i understand myself very well. the mental health conditions that i have are a direct result of childhood trauma & several kinds of abuse by my parents from childhood all the way up to now.. if u are that interested in me & my life then perhaps u should google all of those conditions & do some research on them to gain a better understanding of the hows, why’s & whats. that’s called knowledge baby, u should gain some🖤 & perhaps u should consider going straight to the actual source… whatever it is u wanna know, just ask me.

what’s super interesting is that i took my tumblr link off my Insta a long time ago so it’s like bro.. did you just memorise my tumblr name so u can keep coming back to the page to lurk then send me a sassy little message to jab at me every couple months …. orrrr do you follow me but ur really that pussy that you put ur shit on anonymous? tbh both options are pitiful & just scream.. U A BITCH. people like you are all bark.. n no bite. it’s giving stalkerish fan vibes… this has been going on for like over a year now.. maybe even longer, idek. why not come off ANONYMOUS tho? why not just dm me if u feel so strongly about the issue n are so invested in this shitshow? u seem to hav a lot to say to me n id LUV to hear it! u got some suggestions for me? u got the answers? suggestions for self help books? shiiiiid… we could even talk on the phone if u want? u got FaceTime on yo fone?

if u don’t hav my Insta I’d b happy to giv it to you.. jus send me some asks on anonymous u know how to do that. looking forward to hearing back from u & getting to know u better! hope i quenched ur thirst xxx

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