#which i know isnt true but. brains will brain | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spoopdeedoop · 9 months

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real friends have weird greetings that usually involve hitting each other

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icyheart-and-friends · 7 months

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Please, for the love of gods, allow yourself to consume content/media uncritically

You can be aware of issues a show/game/movie/etc has but you don't need to be aware of it *all* the time, you shouldn't have to justify yourself liking it every time you go to talk about it.

You shouldn't have to feel like you're the worst person in the world just because you like something that happens to have problematic stuff in it.

And you're setting yourself up for failure if you go into something immediately looking for all of the bad in it, you're setting yourself up to be unable to enjoy it! And if you do manage to enjoy it it'll likely just feel wrong because of that!

I'm begging y'all not to consume *everything* critically and to sometimes enjoy things uncritically.

#its so fucking easy to end up demonizing yourself just because you like media thst isnt deemed “good”#i only just recently realized how fucking guilty id feel admitting i like watching helluva boss to other people outside of my circle. or #feeling thr need to warn people about the heavy racism in baldur's gate 3 for the fear of being seen as an awful person for praising the #game despite thst in it. fuck i even feel bad admitting i like watching law and order special victims unit bc of its content and how often #it just goes- *wrong* but like- i realized a lot of that is bc my brain and my ocd are constantly trying to take content in critically.#trying to always shame it bc its “bad” either bc of its content or its creators and thus my ocd has a field day of turning thst around to #meam that *im* bad because i enjoy it. which isnt fucking true. i enjoy iy #which isnt true. i can know stuff is not good/great for various reasons but i can still enjoy it without that inherently make me bad #anyway bc this is tumblr im already expecting people to try to twist my words and intents to make this seem like s horrible thing #idc atm bc my head hurts from trying to just exist and relearn how to enjoy stuff without fucking purity culture and my ocd shame watching #me lile a fuckin hawk #cant wait to see how freeing it feels tho once i stop giving as much of a fuck/worry

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toytulini · 5 months

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terfs go climb into a hole and start rotting. animals cannot inherently tell your "biological sex" you are all so fucking stupid. All this post is saying is that animals are not infallible judges of character and some of them make really stupid vibe checks and that people should try not to take it personally. Unless youre a terf in which case they know and they hate you and you should take it personally

re that one post tbh i do want to stress i dont think animals are like magically psychic at knowing your True Gender tbh i think ppl definitely get way too weird about Animal's judgement of ppl.

Sometimes a dog will vibe check a man and the dog will be right and you should listen. but sometimes the dog will vibe check someone for no good reason. sometimes dogs have wack judgement. sometimes dogs have biases influenced by their owners or previous owners. like. there are Racist Dogs. its not the dogs fault, but that doesnt make the bias theyve developed less real, or less potentially hurtful. i dont think we need to like, Cancel Dogs Bc Sometimes Ppl Can Train Them To Be Racist, but we do need to stop perpetuating the idea that a dog's judgement of someone is infallible. theyre not responsible for it and its not their fault its developed, theyre just dogs, they didnt choose it, but that doesnt mean theyre RIGHT lmao. i think its important to stress this for many reasons but in regard to that last post specifically, if youve ever been vibe checked as a gender you arent by a judgy dog its literally not your fault. might not even be the owners fault. not the dogs fault cos like. its a fucking dog. you do kinda have to be the bigger person in that scenario cos the other person is. A Dog.

#toy txt post #this was meant to be a quick post it got a bit longer and more in depth than i planned oops #i just hate when ppl act like All Dogs have Inherently Correct Judgement Of People #like from every angle. its funny to joke about but i know theres ppl out there who might be feeling like #very fragile in their gender or smth and seeing a post like that if they meet a dog that normally hates men but not women but it doesnt #recognize your inherent true gender im sure seeing shit like that post can be a horr #got interrupted by a phone call while typing it and the post is glitching so i cant see where that tag is cut off so uh #dogs are like ppl in that they can develop biases and have bad judgement and they dont always get it right #they are not like ppl in that it is not possible to ask a dog to examine its biases. you cannot make a dog take a class on #critical race theory. you have to work to socialize and desensitize them against those biases or at least make sure those biases theyve #developed dont negatively impact ppl. in this sense i guess im morally obligated to try to learn more spanish to see if it helps my dog #chill. shes nervous around all new ppl but parents have anecdotally noted she extra dislikes men speaking in spanish. she was a stray so we #dont really know her history. she also does Not like fire pokers outside. weirdly even tho its basically the same tool she is unfazed by #the indoor poker for the woodstove? but ig she wouldve had less exposure to indoor woodstoves as a stray in Louisiana?#but i can see like ppl having a little backyard barbecue and threatening the big mastiff looking stray dog with a fire poker and i think #that region of the country prolly has a higher number of spanish speaking ppl than our current residence so the odds of her running into a #spanish speaking guy who isnt very nice are prolly higher just due to a denser population as a whole. and we think shes part mastiff which #i think is a breed already prone to disliking strangers that probably cooked up into a little cocktail in her brain #luckily shes bad enough with All Strangers that i think honestly it would be hard to even notice her bias? but. ig i need to see if i can #desensitize her? idk. sighs but im scared to open duolingo now 😭. but i could maybe do it. when other ppl wear hats she fucking hates it #i wear a fucking face covering mask that looks like a giant eyeball she looks at me a little quizzically but is fine. jester hat? fine #i am like that video of the person desensitizing that horse except thats just like. living w me. minus the cat thing. id never do that to #the cats or dog. everyone would hate that. squirrel already cant tolerate being held while a dog is out cos he THINKS im going to do that.#it would traumatize the dog cos he'd injure me escaping and then prolly her trying to scare her off to get past her and shes just minding #her business. solo i cant hold that long but is less likely to injure anyone. shadow. first of all all 3 are way too heavy to be holding #like that #im getting lost in the tags again sorry im chewing caffeinated gum. i should go try to buy some catnip #ive made my Phone Calls. im gonna try to go get dressed and buy various catnip products. maybe lure him with a toy this time. need my #parents to help me but not be so visibly Ready to help me next time cos i do not want to chase his ass again...

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creature-from-unknown-orgins · 4 months

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I should sleep

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pulchrasilva · 22 days

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Having people you care about who are suicidal while you're not suicidal is truly a special torture I think I want to go back to wanting to kill myself im gonna throw up

#vent post #it's just. knowing theres no quick fix or surefire solution because there never was for /you/#it feels a little hopeless yknow? like what can i do really? how can i singlehandedly restore your faith in the world?#how can i stop your body from causing you constant pain?#i literally cant. and im not good at handling the fact that i cant do much #doesnt help that last time a friend tried to kill themself i sorta didnt see or didnt take note of the warning signs #now someone is letting me see all the warning signs it's setting off the 'THIS IS WAY WORSE THAN LAST TIME ALARMS' and idk if thats true #but its really putting me on edge about it #for forever i was used to knowing people who want to kill themselves but dont ever take action to do it #which is miserable and terrible but it's not particularly scary #PLUS doesnt help that by coincidence i was remembering other horrible miserable things that happened after my friend tried to kill themself #and my brain loves to imagine what mjght happen if they /do/ try to kill themself. what I'll do when i find out. whay ill do if they succeed #i dont really want to think about it but we're thinking about it i guess #hey isnt it kinda funny that my parents /still/ dont know my friend tried to kill themself that night #and i got yelled at for being antisocial while i was sobbing and sick with grief and unable to get out of bed #oh im gonna throw up. anyway #dont mind me im mostly ok #feeling a little sick but i can manage

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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year

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Events of last night:

Me: *crying*

My girlfriend: what's wrong?? :(

Me: *struggling to form words* intrusive thoughts are bad... I don't want to talk about them because then I'm scared that they're true and you might think I'm awful

My girlfriend: ah I actually get that. I have those a lot. It doesn't mean anything though, intrusive thoughts are just like dreams. Like the things you do in them aren't really things you want to do, it's just stuff your brain comes up with.

#we then very heavily related over having the same intrusive thoughts and now I'm suspicious #thinking about when i told her i might have ocd and she said i didnt #and starting to feel like thats because... what if we both have ocd #it seems like she was basing her entire knowledge of conditions on people shes known with those conditions. which makes sense #but the person/ people with ocd had severe cleaning compulsions and the like #where as me and her obsess much more over morality #like its very clear we think about it so much. and idk what to do with that information #we both feel like the intrusive thoughts and obsessive ruminating are the only things that keep is from being bad people #or that prevent us from being bad people i guess. idk why that wording is just slightly more accurate #like people who dont think about these things (apparently all 'normal' people since this could be *an actual disorder*)#they're not constantly analyzing. trying to be aware. asking themselves questions about their true nature. judging those answers #theyre not really doing that with other people either. of course i could be wrong since im very clearly not a normal person.#but this is what i mean! im speculating about other people and acknowledging the ways i could be wrong and just trying to figure it all out #but it seems like no one does that and it doesnt *make them* bad people. it just doesn't prevent them from that happening either #like theyre just as likely to hurt people as the 'bad' person thats thinking the same way they are #and i cant ever be comfortable with me living that reality even when *this reality* is a waking nightmare #sure im tearing my skin off (good ole skin picking disorder) when im thinking about these things. sure im crying. sure i can't sleep.#sure it makes me feel like im constantly a horrible person and need to attone for everything ive done and havent done #sure. but then i turn around and say its helping me. because why else would my brain torture me? isnt it always about protecting me?#i don't know. all i know is who i dont want to be and what i dont want. so that exactly what my brain convinces me is real #i guess what it kinda comes to do is #would you rather live a reality where everything around you is superficial. your thoughts behaviors and thoughts. your reactions #all of them are things youre never aware of. you could be hurting people or you could be helping themm #you could even be hurting yourself. but you would never know. its a comfortable reality that youre never really aware of #OR would you rather live a reality aware of all those things. seeking answers and sometimes finding them.#trying your hardest to help others and better yourself and fix the broken things in this world #your reality is one where you recognize every threat that no one else does and it kills you inside because they wont always listen #theyre comfortable and you're stuck in a reality where you try and try and try but even when you succeed #your brain forms its own reality. a metaphorical jail. where you never get to experience the reality you fought so hard for #instead you exist in this sort of purgatory where you live out your own worst fears and the worst ways you could have failed

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sandmanalone · 4 months

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Here have a lil guy

#having one of those days where creating is just as painful as not creating #and i'm probably not gonna feel better until i make something i'm content with #but i'm hating everything i make #which is making me more impatient to make something good which is making me give up on things that will take longer than a few minutes #and i just generally feel like I'm never going to make anything of value ever again #which i know isnt true #but yeah. brain is just struggling today i guess.#this little doodle is the only thing i feel okay about tho so i'm clinging to it for dear life #and am gonna go eat some food #my posts #my art

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daffythefox · 10 months

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^ my tags on a different post wanted to update that they also dmed me asking if i was okay. which means they’ve now triple texted me they’re literally obsessed with me i won the narc crash (is still emotionally devastated)

#i am so fucking pathetic #ty #literally i am actually on some level proud of myself for not #like #reaching out like a normal person #because he got concerned for me #honestly he should be so #idk #i mean if it comes up I'm just gonna be my avoidant attachment style self and deny deny deny but #it's nice to know he cares #at least he cares about figuring out this scheduling thing #my brain isnt being like 'aw they're worried abt me how great' its more 'hm this is a positive interaction'#and also 'please just text them back god you're pathetic'#and also 'they hate you'#which honestly might be true tbh #listen. did they send me down a narc crash spiral? yes #was it their fault? no #but also. i think i'm also doing this on some level to spite them #which is not the most healthy thing to do in this situation #what the fuck am i doing god i'm just digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole #me when i

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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year

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okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??

in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕

(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)

I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.

I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)

I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.

But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???

#theres some actual term ive heard before abt this kind of behavior #but i cant recall it rn and you know what google is like when youre trying to look up symptoms 😭#but yeah its probably smth mentally related which ive just never looked into further #i just am prone to anxiety about literally everything i think :)#sorry for such a long response!!#but its rly nice to know that someone else out there deals with this <3 #i think im just my greatest enemy LOL im always just fighting with my brain #some part of my brain just likes playing devils advocate and being contrary to what i want to do ig?#but yeah what you said about the flood of emotions! so true!!#like for some reason ig its just hard to open myself up to such sudden excitement/joy if that makes sense?#tysm for the ask :D it makes me feel a lot better abt that :D #i always fear that i complain too much abt things in my own control #like: 'i want to watch 2009 but i cant' 'but isnt the ability to watch 2009 under your control' 'yeah BUT YOU KNOW'#when i say i want to do something i either do it immediately or its gonna take a bit for me to get to it #but rest assured it will probably happen eventually #i like how i wrote a super long response and still somehow managed to write a paragraph of tags #truly my trademark at this point #catie.asks.#catie.rambling.txt

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deancaskiss · 2 years

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inspiration from 100000 to -50 in less than an hour

#i lied. my depression isn't gone. it's still here.#i was going to come home and sketch some cas for the lovely anon in my inbox #and now im comparing myself to others and just want to throw my entire being into the trash and never create anything again #why am I never good enough?#god this feeling sucks #its taking every ounce of my willpower not to delete all the things ive ever created and just delete this blog bc i feel like a failure #how do i shut the voice off inside my head thats making me feel this way?#i didnt realize how hard this whole thing was going to be and now i feel like i cant stay above water #not begging for sympathy or anything #but maybe some comfort or reassurance?#i just....#*deep breath*#didnt realize how much everything was going to hit me #and i feel so alone. which i know isnt true. i know i have family. i know i have friends. but its like i cant convince my brain of that

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simonstamenovic · 1 year

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genuinely very very happy about maya still Do Not get me wrong. I simply wish... the world was better and less cruel. and that I was not complicit in that cruelty. and that honorspren in shadesmar werent such hypocrites.

#outgoing transmission #adolin post #the desire to have everything be good forever and be told by some almighty being that #actually you didnt mske anything mistakes and did the best you can and were good vs like #how... not hollow. but. that is also not true i messed up so very much and do have to wonder if my existence was Not worth it #disregarding the fact that... well. it is a story someone wrote and yes obviously I needed to be there.#but. as a person? mmh. craving not necessarily reassurance but Being Sure i didn't make awful decisions to make things worse. and i simply #cannot know that. not at the moment and potentially not with any certainty ever #which is no different from anyone elses life really. but there is a certain agony to it #i dont know. i love kal. i dont have many memories yet of. well. but #id like to think he loves me. coming face to face with that however is... well why would he?#he is. well i feel anything i say wouldnt really encapsulate it to be honest i could worship that man and i mean that so sincerely #he... would not like it. but it isnt...... well hes a better man than me but not because i think hes flawless or anything #just. he tries so very hard. i didnt even have it in me to not murder someone despite how risky it was #for the best. and i wish id done it sooner still. but i do also think it says a good deal about my character in general #sorry again about this i hope everyone is well.#it is too bright out now honestly which is kind of funny. half comforting. half annoying. a small part... some other thing. weird i suppose #brain is. mm. partially shadesmar. partially... something else. stormy. near kal. tense but not necessarily in a danger way.#but something... stuck a bit maybe. not sure if it is a natural thing or more a. spren parent trap situation. for lack of any better terms.#cute and mildly obnoxious... hm. something to consider.

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ankhisms · 2 years

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feeling the sad little pathetic creature emotions this evening suddenly. i dont really want to dwell in feeling bad but it is a familiar deep sad feeling u know. itll be ok i just have to let it out

#to the tune of ghengis khan dont wanna feel like nooo one believes in meeeeeeee im experiencing like. something thats #akin to my very specific paranoia of being paranoid of everyone secretly hating me and talking badly about me or thinking im horrible #secretly where its like my brain is telling me that no one believes in me including my friends and logically i know this isnt true. i have #so many people in my life who i love and appreciate and who have supported me through hardships and who i want to support #in turn. but thats the thing with my paranoia and delusions yknow i can be at least somewhat aware that im being irrational but in the end #that doesnt make it go away. and my brain is just like. no one believes in you when it comes to the creative things you want to do #like my art and acting and poetry. and then my brain tells me that the people around me just pity me and dont want to outright #say that everything i make or try to create sucks because they feel bad for me. and again i KNOW this isnt true. and i #feel bad and feel like im being unfair to my friends bc if this paranoia so i dony want to bring it up to anyone beyond venting like this #and also i feel scared that somehow bringing this specific paranoia up would be like guilt tripping people into like being nice to me or #somethimg my words are weird but my braim very much is like you are not allowed to ask for support or tell people about being insecure #and i do think this overall has something to do with my deep issues of completely lacking any confidence in myself or my abilities #which is due to a life time of abuse etc etc and its hard to build up any confidence in myself when i am still stuck in #my toxic home with no real options to get out at this point for various reasons. but its like #what if i just suck at the things i love to do? what if my art is just bad or mediocre even? what if im a bad actor or a bad poet? what id #even though i feel a deep calling within my soul to create and do these things what if even though i only ever feel truly alive #when i am acting or painting. what if none of it is any good. and no one wants to tell me that because they pity me #again. on a certain level i know this is all just my paranoia and is unreasonable. but its a feeling thats really hard to shake off yknow #anyway. thank u if you read this all i prommy ill be ok i just had to get it out 💖

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violasmirabiles · 2 years

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hhhrrygrhjdgj right so this week i had

one

two

three tasks i told my psychologist id take care of by our next session, which is tomorrow

six days i had

ive done

exactly none of those things

did think about them though

like, every minute every hour every day

feeling very very guilty about them too

am like. pretty sure theyll understand because the whole reason im seeing them is, well, This fuck shit. doesnt mean im not feeling Very Bad rn. very much feeling like im getting a bad grade for Life and that i deserve Bad Things and Nothing Good

Then Again:

three people complimented my hair today

apparently i made several people who were various levels of anxious feel better at the uni choir auditions today

one of those people complimented my spring seminar paper to the skies and we talked about my thesis and just. the writing, the text of it for a good long while cos guess i write good??

wrow

people?? like me??

#im so fucking Convinced that everyone hates me so much like. not even in an edgy way just like a Fact Of Life kinda thing #that its just. yeah im crying a bit i love remembering it isnt TRUE i AM something and people LIKE me and ENJOY my company #like what the fuck. what the fuck!! wow #like even this post!! makes me sound like an edgy cunt!! which i guess i can also be and nothing wrong with that but fuck!!!!!!#this is not a haha im such garbage lol situation this is me Knowing im Something but fuck if that brain aint loud #its just. nice to Realize this sometimes. like. its REAL. its a THING !!!

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irrationalthot · 2 years

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feel so much like I don't fit in with other femmes and it's hard

#my thots #ugh #i always feel like my feminity isnt femme enough #which i know isnt true #but brain mean

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earlyspringtranscendence · 3 months

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Reading jury feedback even if it's overall positive is such a fucking joke like it always gets to me more than it should but yeah I'm heated about the fact that people are on my case about shit that was heavily discussed and agreed upon. Or they're on my case bc the performance video to just give an idea of movement wasn't good bc my performer is a very shy person who is also a costume student bc we have no contact with performative departments being as we are on a diff campus entirely for some reason. < All of that is like irrational and it's all fine but the one thing I genuinely cannot stand that they said to me is that I've grown in my attitude towards the class group and that I'm like more engaged that pisses me off smth crazy bc like no you just started paying attention. that's also tho bc last year they told me I was selfish and unkind to fellow students which was an insane thing to say and guess what the fellow students agreed. So like no I'm not a better person in the group now you're just working from a misunderstanding in the first place and you can keep it to yourself, thanks

#PISSED ABT THE GROUP THING OUGH IT FEELS SO CONDESCENDING.#i know its fine im hardly gonna die but Ugh #anyway. at least my feedback from v was 100% positive with the caveat that i should trust myself more and in that way work faster which is #true in the sense that i could work faster but i think the way i work now is just due to brain distractions so idk #but like. thrilled that she said that. which is funny bc her subject isnt that important to me but her opinion of me is

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arolesbianism · 4 months

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Hello looks to the moon fans. I am gently placing drowning act by friends unseen into your hands 👍

#rat rambles #I remebered this song exists which means Im thinking abt rain world and moon again god I love moon sm #shes literally so me bait idk how to explain how she is but she is just trust me bro #shes so messed up I love her so fucking much only character in this game that comes back to haunt me regularly #oh and also sliver but y'know thats partially because of oc stuff moon makes me want to maul people #moon is like. what if you made a guy who gets basically killed by her brother and then has to live and think in her own rotting corpse #shes not even a zombie shes just a living brain in a corpse that was never able to move in the first place #and before all of this she was very aware that she was dying and it scared her she was so scared #but even still in her last message to the closest thing to a family she could ever have is message of comfort to them #her last line in said message was 'Im glad Im not alone'#and its not true. she is alone. no one had been able to contact her in ages. soon enough even the remnants of these people will be lost.#and she has to live with fragmented memories and no access to the rest of her bodily functions for god knows how long #all while being so painfully Alone #its only worse when you think about how much more deafeningly silent it must be to her as shes yknow. a supercomputer.#this isnt just her losing access to her body shes lost access to most of her processing systems too #shes only held in consciousness by five braincells which were never meant to be used as an iterators sole operating system #and even outside of that she used to be a giant wirring machine and now its just. quiet.#she doesnt even see that much wildlife her only company is the water that she once so desperately needed #and she still puts on a strong face. she still tries to live in what little ways she can.#💥💥💥💥💥 I hate her

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