#who fired all the good map designers im asking for a friend.

[dogtoling]

im doing recon and holy crap bluefin depot is DISGUSTING. LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY.

#rambles #it was never my favorite stage to begin with but #WHAT IS WITH NINTENDO BEING ALLERGIC TO HAVING A SPAWN???? #they just let you walk straight from the middle directly to the spawn. Again. like in every other stage #when in splatoon 1 it used to yknow... be DIFFICULT to get to the enemy spawn so you COULDNT just walk up there instantly and camp #who fired all the good map designers im asking for a friend. #'oh yay bringing back a map with verticality!' nintendo: hold my beer #theyre gonna port moray towers except its going to only be the middle part with spawns on the sides

[creacherkeeper]

yes i would love walking sim game recs!! but also i am truly so bad at video games (i has to get my brother to finish molly’s part in edith finch bc i just couldn’t lol) so if you know of any that are easier, honestly i can normally solve puzzles but chasing and jumping type things make games less fun for me

WALKING SIM RECS HERE WE GOOOOO 

okay these are just ones ive played, so there will definitely be a lot of great ones i’ve missed. feel FREE to add onto this post with recs (i would love recs as well). i will try to make these descriptions as non-spoilery as possible 

FOR ANY OF THESE GAMES MESSAGE/ASK ME FOR TRIGGERS 

story driven: 

firewatch: you are a man who has signed on to be a fire watcher in a national park for a summer. you are isolated except for a woman in another tower over your radio. then mysterious things start happening - very basic mechanics. walk, interact with items, and dialogue options. the most challenging thing about this game is that you have a lot of park to explore and a map. i am very bad with maps so i did get lost several times lol. that did not detract from the experience for me personally. GREAT voice acting work in this game and it packs some emotional punches. SO BEAUTIFUL 

gone home: it’s hard to describe gone home without spoiling it so the most i can say is “you are a person exploring a house” - if you don’t know more than that i recommend going in with that level of knowledge. spooky vibes but not horror (i’m a wuss and i was fine). surprising in a good way. very simple mechanics 

the beginner’s guide: the narrator talks to you while you play through minigames designed by his friend - very simple in concept, very powerful in execution. none of the mechanics are super difficult but they do vary by game and some of them take a little puzzling out. very character driven, emotional, and heavy on themes. definitely recommend but be warned that it packs a punch 

journey: you are a traveler trying to get to the top of a mountain - that’s all i can really describe it as, and im hesitatingly putting it under story driven, but this is a game that is driven by its absolutely gorgeous scenery and soundtrack. the “story” doesnt matter as much as the ambience, but it also has very simple mechanics (basically two buttons). i do recommend trying it with online multiplayer, it is the BEST multiplayer experience i’ve ever had (by design, not luck). for something so simple it’s surprisingly touching 

mixed story & mechanics: 

the stanley parable: you are an office worker. one day your commands stop coming to your computer. when you leave your office, you realize everyone else is gone - VERY simple mechanics, it is literally just walking and occasionally hitting a button. but the very cool part of this game is that the whole thing is narrated in an interactive way, there are (i believe) 15 different endings, and as soon as you finish the game restarts so you can do it again. completely wacky, hilarious, and at points very poignant. one of my favorite games ever. same person as beginners guide, the absolute madman. most playthroughs are very short and youre not required to get all of them. a few tw’s

what remains of edith finch: (for the folks who haven’t played it) you go back to your childhood home to figure out what happened to all your family members and why you’re the last one left alive - putting this one under mixed because while it IS very character driven, there are so many unique and cool mechanics in this that i think it counts. definitely more complicated than most walking sims. VERY interesting story, wonderful characters, emotional punches galore. also many trigger warnings so message me or be aware that this is not a happy story

mechanics driven: 

beyond eyes: you play as a young blind girl who wanders out of her garden to find her stray cat friend - this is a super unique game that, while not perfect, does a lot with its premise. you as the player can’t see most of the environment except for what’s immediately around you and a visualization of sounds. while i don’t think the story or disability rep is perfect, it was such a unique and engaging game that it gets a spot on my list. biggest flaw is that there are no subtitles, so a d/Deaf/HoH person would have trouble playing this (but could make it through with some added difficulty). one major tw but none besides that

antichamber: you walk around a labyrinth where much is not as it seems - this one is VERY mechanics driven but it is very simple to play. not much of a story but there are a lot of logic puzzles to solve. very challenging and thought provoking, you’ll really have to think outside the box to get to the many endings in the labyrinth. can be frustrating but its so rewarding when you figure out a new path. from the endings i got, no tw’s except some drawings that include alcohol, fire, eyes, that kind of stuff (mostly simplistic & cartoony) 

#video games #indie game #game rec #AS I SAID PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD ON #AND FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME FOR TRIGGERS #the only one i dont remember triggers super well is gone home i played it ages ago #but i could probably look it up and find a list #god i LOVE walking sims #also while more of a puzzle game ive heard great things about return of the obra dinn #need to play it #veronica-palmer

[huntsman-ash]

RWBY V8E2 LiveThoughts

And now, for episode 2; same deal as last time, spoilers for this weeks episode. 

RT getting a wee bit too real with the “curfew in effect” sign on the side of that building in the opening. Least here its a visible noticeable threat and not Corona. Still.

Oh, heh. “Hope has no place here.” Always did love that line. But that might just be the grimdark fan in me.

Overall Im not a huge fan of this seasons opening, it doesnt sound as melodic as the last couple ones. More...chaotic. I think thats intentionally but Im still not a fan.

Dude, Qrow, thats unsanitary. Seriously, clean that shit off. You’re gonna get like, tetnus or something.

And Robyn complaining to Qrow. I mean shes not WRONG but at the same time SHE was the one who decided to pass out during the crash. Dont go throwing blame around Hill, you were just as useless and dumb as everyone but Tyrian in that whole section of last season.

Correction, shes talking to Jasque Scnee who is SOMEHOW in the same prison as they are. Additional; hardlight cells with no visible emitters, no toilet or other commodities. This must be a holding cell of some kind. Unless the bed they all have is ALSO a toilet. Ew.

Yeah you sure about that Schnee? Indirect murder is still murder.

Whh...WATTS IS IN HERE TOO?! WHAT THE FUCK IRONWOOD. You dont have a maximum security like, ICEBOX lock up? Dude this is just ASKING for trouble.

Watt’s black eye is still there. Maybe there is something to him not having his aura fully unlocked. Or...something else. Im really confused about that.

Odd cell structure. Impromptu? Or is this whole room just modular. Cause its WAY too big to house just this many prisoners. Im getting the feeling this is impromtu, yeah.

Schnee thinks hes getting out, sucker. 

Mad props to the Atlas soldier for the brutality. NOW HIT HIM AGAIN.  Robyns smirk gives me life.

And Qrow suggests Operation Valkyrie. Im down. Ironwoods proven useless at this point, maybe his replacement will be more tactically viable.

Alright, Atlas has pulled all military forces out of Mantle. Guess that means Ash and CAMO would be out too. Officially anyway. Making note for future threads...

Cute about the news guy, but I LOVE the fact you can hear the former masculinity in May’s voice here, like she isnt fully finished transitioning. If its intentional, bravo. If not, still cool.

“Its time to show your teeth, Mantle.”  HELL FUCKING YES THATS THE KINDA SHIT IVE BEEN WANTING TO HEAR!

Ah and there’s the hoverbikes from the teasers. I really dont get why they’re so goddamn big. Surely you can miniatruize hovertech...right?

They’re big enough to have weapons installed IMO. They should have.

Ah okay here’s the rest of the trailer

Hey look more lesbians. Boy that one on the left is MAD.

I cannot believe these Grimm are dumb enough to not go AROUND the dropwall (and Im going to call it that until I get something else, its literally the equipment from Halo Infinite’s release trailer). I get Grimm are dumb but damn bro.

Ah okay, THATS the split. All the faunus live in the slums down in the crater. Mantle proper is the mid-level, and then Atlas is humans for the most part. As far as I can tell anyway. Literal stratification. 

Ugh, that whole conversation was so expositiony. Jesus fucking christ.

Holy shit this crews moving slow. Like, good fucking lord.

Personaly headcanon; that tiny fox toy Oscar rides past on his bike is later retreived by Ash. That is actually his bootprint on it too oddly enough.

Unity in this situation, Ozpin? Not likely. What you need is miltiary intervention and firepower.

Still not sure why there’s smokestacks in Mantle if everything on Remnant runs on Dust. Maybe its steam vents for the heating system.

So the Crater is literally a divide. Like a circular diamond mine or one of those “rabbit hole” gold ones. Literal wall holding its outside. 

Snowshoe Shipping. New company. Full autonomous workforce from the looks of it. SDC related of course. And its still running despite everything. The drones here are literally AKs. Motherfucker, I think I know where the idea for them came from. SDC literally just weaponized its fucking worker robots. 

And apperently Dust is refined in the Crater. Okay that makes sense. Does it come from outside or are they still mining it there I wonder.

Oh pnumatic elevator. STEALING THAT

“That isn’t relevant at the moment.” WAY TO DODGE THE QUESTION RT. YEAH BECAUSE THERES TOTALLY NOT OTHER COMPANIES OUT THERE RIGHT?

What the fuck happened to Penny? Did becoming the Maiden make her emo?

Lol yeah people are gonna die, its WAR Penny, eat shit and get over it. Fucking weaklings...

Your the maiden. Get over it. Go kill some people, you’ll feel better. Relish in power.

And Weiss is now dead from either pressure shock, thermobaric style lung implosion, forceful impact, or just being crushed flat. Oh, and asphyxiation.  Seriously that was the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life. REALLY NORA.

Oh hey, a banjo in the crater. It really is hicksville.

Fire dust crystals right into a metal container to keep it  going. Holy shit it only took us 8 seasons to see Dust used physically again...

Sheep nom map. Nom nom. 

Wonder who this Crimson she mentioned is.

Lil hops. Oh no shes too cute.  Also it seems Mantle is divided into sectors. Useful information. Wonder what designates them.

Hahahah Fiona’s uncles a mole XD

And good to know “crap” is a swearword on Remnant.

Sounds like Crimson is a person with the Huntress’s. With his accent Im going to personally imagine his a grizzled former veteran, like Sergeant Stacker from Halo.

Note; the map says “Mantle City”. Interesting. Wonder what the other option is. Crater?

Ohhh and a spudmasher. Wait...no thats not a grenade. Some kind of gravitational surge thing. Again. Okay seriously RT is it so hard to just make a FUCKING WEAPON? Nothing fancy, no special features, just something that kills the fucking enemy. 

Okay...what the hell. Those Grimm cleared out like they got a retreat signal...

Ohho whats this now...this thing looks a LOT more interesting. And SAVAGE. Damn, its beating the SHIT out of Oscar! I think I like this one.

It transforms. Like the Zeta Gundam. FASCINATING. So it must have a rapid transport/assault form of the original dog one then changes to this new one for close in? Or carrying I guess, its stealing Oscar. This must be the thing that Salem sent.

Yeah kinda looks like a werewolf.

Soooo why were they just standing there watching this thing beat up on him? It was open for a couple of seconds. Surely it cant be they were worried about Oscar, the best thign to do if an enemy is grappling your friend is to get in and take advantage of it. 

Its smart too, used Oscar as a meatshield. Apperently just long enough to distract Yang and then yeet her. 

Its got ONE HAND with Oscar in it you idiots, hit it all at once! Go for the legs and the other arm, knock it down, blow its head off. COME ON, its OBVIOUS.

Oh hey it talked. Good. That means it can probably feel pain.

There is no way those legs should work like that. They’re too small and its torsos the wrong shape. This things breaking physics. 

The arms are also way too long.

Also why are you just standing there watching it grow wings? Kill the fucking thing already.  Gotta admit the movement and screaming makes me think it feels pain. Interesting. Good to know.  That or its just body horror/squick.

And thats the episode. I like how Fiona calls them “kids” though shes probably about their age. 

#rwby #spoilers #rwby spoilers #rwby v8 #volume 8

[takerfoxx]

When trying to write a big balloon of good feelings with the EXPRESS INTENTION of bursting it... how big is too big before it's just cruel?

A very good question, and it comes down to purpose, execution, and follow-through.

Now, given my history and reputation, those sorts of situations are something of my forte, and I’ve had a lot of experience and trial and error to work things out, so here’s how you get maximum impact out of your dark, cruel plot-twists.

First, ask yourself why are you doing this? Is it purely for shock value, or does it serve some greater purpose for the plot and characters? If it’s the second, then go ahead and skip to the next section. If it’s the first, then go ahead and put that idea back in the oven because it’s totally not ready yet.

Look, as a writer, I get the appeal of shock value. Shock value got Imperfect Metamorphosis on the map. Shock value is in my blood. But if all you have is that shock and nothing else, then it’s shock value for shock value’s sake, which is just shallow and useless. You want to shock and disturb, yes, but you also want your audience to keep going to find out what happens next! Dangle that emotional catharsis in front of them! Give them some measure of hope that this is leading somewhere satisfying! Even stories like Chinatown and The Mist, which ended with the protagonists losing in horrible ways despite all their efforts, still felt like they were saying something bigger about the human existence and didn’t feel like they were cheating the audience.

For example: Marisa’s death in IM. I’ll freely admit, the idea first occurred to me and became part of the plan for the shock value, a way to throw down the gauntlet and show that no one is safe. But since the idea came to me early in IM’s run, I had literal years to refine the idea, build towards it, and map out how the fallout would go down, so that by the time it came around, it had turned into an essential part of the plot, from which the rest of the story would lead.

See, here’s the thing you need to understand about dark plot twists: they follow the same rule as edgy humor that breaks societal taboo. And that is this: the twist is not the payoff; the twist is the set-up. Think of the difference of between a rookie “comedian” who thinks that saying shocking things that you’re not supposed to say constitutes as “funny” and those who are offended just don’t have a sense of humor, and a genuine master like George Carlin, who used edge subject matter and taboo breaking not as the punchline, but as the set-up to the bigger joke and thus earn the big laughs when he managed to land the punchline and say something bigger about the topic at hand. It’s a wire act without a net, something that is spectacular if you can pull it off and lead to something greater, but will end in disaster if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Now, let’s move onto the next part: execution. Here you have to be careful, because while it’s perfectly acceptable (and in fact encouraged) to break the rules and conventions of the story’s genre, you still have to ensure that it’s keeping with your story’s internal consistency and rules, and that it makes sense! You want such-and-such a character to betray their friends and turn bad guy? Okay, but it has to make sense and be consistent with their backstory and motivations. You want to pull the rug out from under the heroes and ruin everything they had been working toward? Okay, but it has to be consistent with the rules that you had set up.

I’ll give you a few examples. Now, Game of Thrones might be in the doghouse due the dumpsterfire of a final season, but there was a time when it was upheld as the gold standard of dark plot twists, with the two big examples being Ned Stark’s execution and the Red Wedding. The reason why those moments were so shocking and effective wasn’t because they came out of nowhere, but because they broke the conventional rules of storytelling. OF COURSE the main character would survive! They even gave him an out by having him sentence to the Wall where his bastard son was, where they would no doubt reunite and plan their next steps! Ned’s the hero, after all! Except no, this isn’t that kind of story, Joffrey is still a sociopathic narcissist, doing what sociopathic narcissists do.

And the Red Wedding? OF COURSE it would work! Walder Frey had accepted the compromise, and we’ve put a lot of time and investment in Rob and Cate and their retainers. Rob was practically the new main character, and the driving force against the Lannisters. What was more, he was winning, and he was going to keep winning, even with his one or two slip-ups...except no, he wasn’t, because he had been warned about Walder Frey’s easily bruised ego, he had broken his word, so there was going to be consequences when the Frey’s cut a deal with the Lannisters, so welcome to Medieval-style skullduggery!

Hell, you can have some real fun with this too! And if I may toot my own horn, let’s look at the most recent dark twist from IM: the return of the Shadow Youkai.

Now, I know what my reputation is, and what people expect from me. As such, I can use those expectations to play a sort of follow-the-cup game with the plot. Everyone knew that the Shadow Youkai wasn’t gone for good; the epilogue of Fires of the Sun pretty much showed that. But no one knew when she’d be back, and that let’s me play with expectations a bit.

So I put together a big beach trip, where Rin takes all of her friends, new and old, out into public. And since this is Rin’s story, everyone expects it to go wrong. She expects it to go wrong. Because things always go wrong for Rin!

Sure enough, here comes Hong Meiling and Koakuma, two people with reasons to ruin Rin’s life! Surely they’ll catch and bust her! In fact, it turns out that Koakuma is Elis’s cousin, so surely that would mean she would...except no, they have a short chat, Koakuma doesn’t expose them, and they all go their separate ways. Nothing happens.

Oh shit, here comes Reimu! Not only does she know Rin, she also knows everyone in Team Nineball, and has fought most of the other girls as well! This isn’t good, how will Rin wriggle out of this (no pun intended)...except she doesn’t need to. Reimu and Rin’s various friends walk right past each other over and over without noticing, she chitchats with Hong Meiling and Koakuma for a bit, and then she’s called away to the next chapter’s plot. Rin never even so much as realizes that Reimu was there. Nothing happens.

But wait! Flandre is still a problem, and Seija’s still loose out there! And there she is, taking advantage of Rin’s absence to trigger Flandre’s madness! Surely THIS is the big disaster that’ll...except no, Kogasa quickly gets Seija to piss off and Wriggle coaxes Flandre back to sleep. Nothing happens.

Wait, the beach party was...a success? Nothing bad happened? Everyone had fun and made friends like they were supposed to? And it ends with Rin actually saving a stranger’s life and getting praised for it? Which story was I reading again?

Oh hey, there’s Minoriko, someone who hasn’t been seen a long time, and she says that Hina successfully devoured the Shadow Youkai’s essence, so there’s nothing to worry about. Well, that’s a relief! Strange though that a little curse goddess could handle something of the Shadow Youkai’s caliber, seeing how Sariel already mentioned how unsafe it is to use anything other than the original sword to do so, and how Rhapsody of Subconscious Desire already established that the Shadow Youkai is capable of taking over a secondary host, provided that she had access to their subconscious, and-

Click.

Boom.

So if you’re going to do it, make sure you set up believable reasons why it would happen in advance, even if the audience doesn’t notice them at first. Otherwise, you get Vince Russo’s booking of late-90′s WCW, where everyone was switching allegiances on a dime left and right just for the sake of having a SHOCKING SWERVE! Remember: it’s a highwire act without a net. Know what you’re doing.

Also, for the love of God, if you’re going to have a bad guy do a really bad, shocking thing in one part of the story but later join the good guys later on, don’t just sweep said bad thing under the rug. If Cain the Bloodspiller butchers little Timmy in book one but becomes Cammy the Bloodsaver in book five, then don’t let little Timmy be forgotten. Make sure that there’s still consequences.

And finally, the follow-through. Justify this shocking twist. Have it mean something. Take your time to explore the consequences. Show how it affects the characters. Dig deep into their psyches and make it feel real. The reason people STILL talk about Aeris’s death in Final Fantasy 7 is that the gameplay itself was designed to make you feel her loss, both from the viewpoint of the characters and you, the player.

One of my favorite dark twists is Mami’s death in PMMM, because it follows all of these conditions and does so spectacularly. It sets up how dangerous fighting witches is and explains that someone could really die while doing it, while tricking us into not expecting that to happen by already showing us how Mami kicks ass and establishing her as a main character with a promise to form a lasting bond with Madoka right before pulling the trigger. And afterward, it takes the time to really dig into the consequences of her death, from Madoka’s depression to Sayaka’s increased recklessness to being the catalyst that brought Kyoko into the story in the first place. Everything that happens after does so as a result of that moment.

So yeah, by all means, do that shocking thing, but make sure you put in the work to both earn and justify it.

#writing advice #game of thrones #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm

[laurazepamwrites]

The Chemicals between us ~Ch.7

‘You’re serious? You're not fucking with me are ya Old lady?’

‘I can assure you Jamison that I am completely serious. You and Rutledge are both assigned for our next mission..should you choose to accept.’

Ana sat and watched patiently as the Junker let out a whoop of delight and began racing around his quarters, grabbing whatever might be useful without even knowing what he was doing and where he was going and throwing it into a duffle bag. His mouth was racing as fast as he was moving and in his excitement jumped on Roadhog a couple of times.

‘Gonna be like this for awhile..’ Roadhog warned her.

‘Just as well, briefing is not till tomorrow morning, but I am here to discuss privately with you both about what is needed..and expected.’

Her tone made Junkrat finally slow down, his arms full of assorted wires which trailed to the floor as he cautiously peered at her. Ana smiled lightly and folded her hands in front of her. ‘There was of course some disagreement to you joining us on this mission. Good points were made on both sides but ultimately the decision to let you come was made. It seems a skill for destruction would be most beneficial to us if used correctly.’

Junkrat giggled, ‘Trust be lady, much more of me would be missing if I didn't handle explosives correctly. You just tell me who or what needs blowing up.’

‘There is a compound outside a small town in Russia. We know Talon are using it for storage of some kind. Weapons we expect. Once we have cleared out what guards they have and find any useful information then the building and its contents need to be destroyed.’

Junkrat made a dramatic sigh and slouched lower into his chair. ‘Issat all? Fuck, give me a challenge why don't ya?’

Ana narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Don't be cocky, the last time you met Talon your friend was injured. There will be more guards, more guns, even Mechs. We need your complete cooperation on this Fawkes.’

‘Yeah yeah, I’ll do what I’m-’

Ana held up a hand to silence him, mildly surprising Roadhog when he did keep his mouth shut, her warm expression had gone, now she was talking to him like a Captain.

‘Commander Morrison was against you coming and he was not the only one. You are used to working alone but here we work as a team, If you do  anything to jeopardize the mission or us then it will not be Morrison or Talon you need to fear, and if you even consider running then know this; I may only have one eye but my aim is still deadly, and I have something much worse than a sleep dart.’ She leaned closer towards him. ‘Are we clear Fawkes?’

Junkrat made a frightful glance towards Roadhog before gulping and nodding his head vigorously. Ana also turned to look at him, fixing him with her gaze until he too nodded in agreement, and with that the sweet old lady was back as Ana smiled brightly and clapped her hands together. ‘Wonderful! Well then gentlemen, I shall see myself out, be sure to be at briefing at nine am sharp, It will not do to be late. Goodnight!’ She closed the door behind her leaving the room with a few seconds of silence before Junkrat broke it.

‘Wouldn't fuck with her mate..’

He only grunted in reply. The one man apocalypse refusing to agree that an over sixty year old woman with one eye just made him feel like a ten year old child.

          ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

‘You cannot be serious?’ Asked Fareeha.

‘Do you see me laughing Fareeha?’  Morrison replied wearily

‘Mom! You can't expect two Junkers to undertake missions!’

Junkrat choked on his coffee, ‘ Cough!  Fuck! Fuck..sorry.  Cough!  First; none taken Birdy. Second; Shes your mum!?’

Fareeha ignored him, throwing her hands in the air in an exasperated manner.

‘The decision is final, and not for debate.’ Ana’s reply was curt.

‘I think it's a great idea!’ Hana chipped in cheerfully.

Junkrat pointed at her. ‘See? Lil Sheila gets it!’ He flashed a grin at her.

‘That's enough.’ Morrison raised his voice above them, sure enough the rooms attention settled on him. He brought up a satellite map of the Compound and surrounding area.

He sighed deeply, deciding for the millionth time in his mind if this was the right call.

‘Ok.’ He finally said. ‘This is how we play this out. We are outnumbered so communication and efficiency is key in this mission. Our first objective is to dispose of the perimeter guard.’ The map highlighted the perimeter. ‘This will be completed by Team A made up of myself, Tracer, Genji and McCree, once they are dealt with we rendezvous with Team B. Torbjorn and Winston will take down the gate and fence security with Athena's help. This may get messy here and if Athena can’t bypass their security then we storm the gate. Either way Team A and B both access the gate together and for god's sake stay close to Reinhardt's shield. Once those gates are breached Team B enter, you're the heavy hitters. Take out as many as you can whilst Team A flank. Hana I want you and Fareeha focusing fire on their Mechs. Once the courtyard is clear Team B head into the compound whilst Team A flush out the outer buildings. Look for anything that might be useful. Im talking files, security footage, anything that may give us a lead. In the meantime Fawkes will rig the place. Once we have everything we need we clear the area and rendezvous at the Orca, the compound goes down once we are airborne. Questions?’.

‘What if backup arrives?’ McCree asked.

‘It really shouldn't, not until we are long gone. Talon should have no idea we are going there.’ Ana replied.

Lena raised her hand. ‘When do we commence the operation?’

‘In two days. We’ll be arriving outside Bryansk at approximately four am, we’ll meet up with Genji and Zarya. The perimeter guard has a round at six am sharp. That's when Team A strike.’ Morrison replied.

Junkrat raised a metal hand. ‘Question mate.’

‘What is it?’

‘So, right, you want me to blow this place sky high yeah? With what exactly? I haven't been allowed near any of my gear or whatever good stuff you have. Happen to have any bombs lying around the place or what?’

It was Winston who answered. ‘Commander Morrison, Captain Amari and myself have already discussed this. You have permission to work on explosives suitable for the mission in a designated area in the watchpoint, just make a list of what supplies you will need and Torbjorn will try and accommodate you.’

‘You saying I get me own workshop?’

‘We’re saying you get a place where if a bomb goes off you don't bring down the whole watchpoint with you.’ Interjected Morrison.

‘ Pfft! Unlikely but whatever..’

Morrison sighed. ‘How long will it take you to rig the building?’

Junkrat stood up and leaned closer to the compound map, he furrowed his eyebrows and chewed his lip as he studied the building, eventually slouching back into his chair.

‘Gonna be two hours tops mate..’

‘Really? That long?’

‘Oh, oh yeah sure i'll rush it shall I? Look mate, you want it done right and it's getting done right. I need at least eight explosives to bring down a building that size and one fuck up and we go down with it. I can maybe speed things up if they have a gas supply or generator I can use to accelerate the blast.’

‘Er..actually I think there is a main power supply which luck would have it is right next to the main building.` Said Winston.

‘That’ll do it, ta very much.’

Morrison stood up. ‘Very well, Fawkes. Go make your list and get to work. Everyone else prepare and have the workshop make sure your weapons and armor are good to go. Winston, prepare Athena as much as you can. Everyone dismissed.’

Hana immediately grabbed Junkrat's arm, bouncing slightly in excitement 'This is gonna be awesome! We haven't struck at Talon this hard before. They won't know whats hit them with you two on board.’

Junkrat was just as enthusiastic. 'I'm getting off this rock! Im gonna blow shit up and im getting off this fucking rock!’

Hana grinned up at Roadhog. ‘Hope you're feeling better big guy, would hate if you got wiped out before we even get going!’

Roadhog tilted his head at her and contemplated the young woman smiling broadly at him, eventually he gave her a nod. Satisfied she turned her attention back to Junkrat.

‘C'mon let's go find Lu and get some breakfast.’

Roadhog watched them leave before deciding he should probably eat himself and slowly followed behind. ‘ Must be getting soft  .’ He thought to himself. ‘  Or that girl is a lot braver than she looks. ’

Mei left her quarters as the briefing adjourned. As she was not called to be present she knew once again she’d be left to babysit the watchpoint, not that she minded so much for this particular mission. It would be bloody most likely and her skills did not lie in combat however she could help with shutting down the defences..she could assist Winston with Athena, she could-

  ‘Oof!’  

‘Whoa! Morning Mei.’

In her thoughts Mei had turned the corner and had walked into Fareeha. ‘Sorry! Sorry Fareeha, guess i got a bit distracted.’

‘Its fine, don't worry about it’ Fareeha replied brightly. ‘To be honest that may have been my fault..briefing was..let's say, unexpected.’

‘Oh? Are you still going?’

‘Yeah I'm going..but guess who else? I have no Idea what the Commander and my Mother are thinking! To let those Junkers in on missions now? Its madness!’

Mei’s expression instantly darkened. ‘What?’

‘Right? How hard can it be to bring down a building? I don't trust them and I hope I’m wrong but-hey? Mei? Where are you going?’

Mei had hardly heard her, her temper had flared up with an added dose of jealousy and with this fueling her she was ready to let her feelings known to either Winston or Morrison. She saw Hana and Lucio leave the common room and decided to hang back a bit, she was in no mood for their cheerfulness. Once they had disappeared from view she continued down the hallway stopping by the common room door, her temper only made worse by its lone occupant and her new target.

Mei stormed into the room. ‘Ta me de! You're going? You?!’

Junkrat was sitting on the counter halfway through a first round of toast, the kettle was softly boiling behind him. ‘And a good morning to you too Frosty..’ He said with a mouthful of his breakfast.

‘How?  Why? Why you? You're a manic pyromaniac!’

‘Woke up on the passive aggressive side of the bed again I see.’

Mei smirked ‘I did not realize Overwatch were so desperate we now consider using Junkers..’

‘Don't mince your words will ya.’ He took another bite of toast. ‘Past the point of considering anyway, me and Hog are most definitely going.’

Mei glared at him and began to rather aggressively make herself a cup of tea whilst ignoring the smug smirk on his face as he watched her with amusement. She did not even want it but she did not want to give him the satisfaction of leaving even more. She tutted at him ‘Could you move? You’re blocking the kettle.’

He sighed and jumped down from the counter ‘I love our little talks..’

‘Really? Because I don't.’

‘Not so fluent in sarcasm are ya?’

‘ Hmph! Well you know what they say, it's the lowest form of wit.’

Junkrat laughed ‘Know who said that Frosty? People with no sense of humor.’

‘Well just because I find yours to be immature does not mean I don't have one!’

‘Oh do you? Has anyone actually seen the mythical creature that is your sense of humor?’

Mei slammed the spoon she was about to stir her tea with hard on the counter ‘Why do you always have to be such a Jerk?’

‘I was minding me own fucking business and you come in here yelling at me for something I had no say in! Fucking go moan at Morrison or better yet Torb since it was his fucking idea! Christ woman…’

He was right of course, although it suited him greatly it was ultimately the decision of the Commander and Captain. Not wanting to apologise and with nothing else to say she silently stirred her cup of tea, only looking up when fresh toast popped up from the Toaster.

‘Look Frosty.’ Said Junkrat as he reached behind her and took his second round of toast. ‘I get you feel shitty, really. It fucking sucks and I get that you feel even shittier about me cos youre actually Overwatch and I’m whatever unsavoury name you wanna call me. So I reckon you use some of that attitude you save especially for me and go confront Old man winter or the Monkey yeah? Ask em to send you out.’

She blinked at him in surprise not expecting him to show any sign of understanding how she felt, he flashed a grin at her and took a bite of his toast as he began to leave. She felt a pang of guilt for being so rude to him. ‘I was going to..erm..maybe I was rather..’

Junkrat interrupted her, turning around and walking backwards with his mouth still full. ‘Who better to give the weather forecast eh?’

‘ Gah!  Thats not what-! I hope your mission sucks!’

He flashed a grin and winked at her. ‘Not really the team spirit but its so sweet you’ll be thinking of me!’

Mei glared at the now empty space and blew on her tea only to grimace when she took a sip. After all that she had forgotten to put the teabag in.

#meihem #overwatch #junkrat #mei ling zhou #jamison fawkes #fanfic

[kaunis-sielu]

Dr. Jones: 4

It doesn’t take long for Monty to get the fire going and food cooking, you don’t know how he does it but somehow the man can make a fire anywhere. You check on the dogs then join him by the fire. The fire makes taking your face cover off to eat less freezing cold.

“You sure you wanna go back in there?” Monty asks as he heats some food.

“Yea, Coulson didn’t say that I couldn’t.” You say with a shrug, “I want to see what else is down there.”

“It doesn’t creep you out that he’s just alive down there?”

“No, we’ve had so much worse. The rats in Rome. Hundreds of dried bodies in the desert comes to mind. Those were worse than one unconscious man.” You take the hot tin from Monty and dig in.

“We’ll agree to disagree on this one.” Monty says with a dramatic shiver and you roll your eyes fondly at him.

“Deal.” You say with a laugh. You tell him about your conversation with your grandpa.

“It’s a good thing you’re named after him. You’re the same person.”

“Actually, his name is Henry Jones Jr., my dad is the third.” You remind him pointing at him with your fork.

“I’m going back down, if anything changes up here let me know right away.” You tell him standing and heading back to your sled. Somewhere on there is your climbing gear and as fun as it is to just tie a rope on and go it’s really unsafe. Sure enough after a couple of minutes of looking you find it and slip it on, then after checking batteries on your camera and flashlight, you descend back into the hole.

“Alright, here we go.” You say before saying the time and date for the camera. “Alright, I’m gonna go further back into the plane. I don’t want to disturb the Captain anymore than we already have.” You walk further into the plane stopping suddenly when you notice a weird square burn that goes through the floor. You use your flashlight to look down and all you see is darkness, could this have really gone through the floor? Also what in the world would have made that shape? You take out a swab and run it over one of the edges to see if you can get anything to tell you what it was that made this hole. Once you tuck that away you make your way further into the plane. There isn’t much outside of the cockpit, a long walkway with a few empty bays. There’s one that has a craft still in the bay with the word Montreal written on the side. It looks like someone would sit inside the craft and steer it to its target.

“Oh my god.” You whisper as it clicks what this might actually be. “I think this is one of the bombs. It’s kamikaze style, I didn’t think anyone but the Japanese used that type of weapon.” You say for the cameras attached to your shoulder and head. “I want to get a closer look but I’ve got a bad feeling that even in this climate it can still be activated.” You move carefully around the craft and after plucking the camera off your shoulder use it to get better views stretching over the bomb. You can’t imagine when it was built it would have been so unstable but it’s been nearly seventy years in the Arctic so who knows how unstable it could be. When one of the bars you’re leaning against let’s out a loud groan you decide you’ve been here for long enough. You can see the back of the plane so you head back to the cockpit. The plane is big but it’s also empty, you dig around for a bit longer for more paper but don’t find anything.

“Hey Monty I’m coming up.”

“Sounds good. Find anything interesting?”

“That depends on if you think a possibly active bomb is interesting.” You say calmly. Once it registers what you’ve said Monty is going to freak out. For a man whose willing to go with you to the ends of the earth for adventure he can be kind of a wimp. Usually panic is his first reaction one that you can let happen right now.

“Interesting! Interesting?” He yelps, “We need to get away from here! We need to pack up! Is it nuclear? How far is the blast zone? Oh my god we’re gonna die.” You ignore his panic and continue up the rope to the solid ice above you. Once you get to the top you see Monty has moved further away from the hole and is eyeing it nervously.

“You wanna make camp a little further back?” You ask him with a small smile, you’re probably going to have to move camp once the SHIELD agents get here anyway. If it’ll ease Monty’s concerns about the bomb below then you can humor him.

“Yes. Right now.”

“Alright.” You agree, it doesn’t take you long to get everything moved. You don’t even take the tent down to move it just pull up the stakes and each of you take a side. The dogs are moved too, you should take them for a quick run but Monty is more concerned about getting camp all moved so you humor him. Once everything is almost a mile back you glance over at your friend.

“You think this is far enough?”

“Honestly Monty I have no idea. That’ll be the first thing I tell SHEILD about though. I don’t want one of those idiots setting it off and killing the Captain.” You glance at your watch, you’ve got another two hours at least. “Why don’t we take the dogs for a quick run so they don’t get bored then we can go through the papers I brought up when we get back.”

“Sounds good.” Monty agrees.

You’re not sure who has more fun racing, you and Monty or the dogs. It’s incredible how fast they can go when they’re doing sprints and not distances. When you get back to the campsite it’s still empty so you and Monty pile into the tent and get to work.

Most of the papers that you find are military documents written in German so unfortunately you’ll have to wait for Monty to translate them into English for you. Some of them have design plans on them for the bombs and one is a map showing when the bombs needed to drop out to hit their targets and what those targets would have been. The entire east coast would’ve been crippled if it wasn’t for the man currently frozen in the plane below you. You’re about to ask Monty how the translations are going when you hear it. The whir of a helicopter coming closer. SHIELD has arrived.

Tag list:

@sbluehi @memyselfandmaddox @thefanficfaerie @achishisha @patzammit @abschaffer2 @dsakita @dramadreamer14 @killcomet @thinkwritexpress-official @thesassmisstress @andahugaroundtheneck @loving-life-my-way @thefridgeismybestie @kayrhodes-stark @dumblani @silverkitten547 @im-just-another-monster @badassbeckettswan

#indiana jones imagine #indiana jones x avengers au #indiana jones #indiana jones au #dr jones #dr jones story #imagine steve rogers #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #imagine steve rogers x reader #imagine shield #agent coulson #captain america #captain america x reader au #captain america x reader #captain america imagine

[yjinwoo]

                   hello , hello my name is veer, she/her and living in the gmt+1 timezone. this is my newborn baby bae jinwoo / twenty-two years old, bar singer who ran away from home, he was partly inspired by ( x )  this scene of the girl on the bridge ( watching the first minute will be enough ) & he is also somewhat inspired by serena van der woodsen from gossip girl. ( x ) is a pinterest board for inspiration and under the cut, you will find his biography. honestly, his biography is a drabble of a muse that has been drifted into my mind during a daydream and it is not really fleshed out, however, i do hope you somewhat get what i was going for. there are some wanted connections under the cut as well ( bc all his pages are still a work in progress ), but if any of them catch your interest or you want to plot out something entirely different give this a LIKE and i’ll hit you up in the ims. shout out to dion for helping me with my theme uwu

tw: drugs, murder.

POSITIVE TRAITS: curious, fervid, adaptable, mellow, alluring.  NEGATIVE TRAITS: impulsive, lascivious, secretive, spoiled, escapist.

he was always the lightest among the dark of his family with that golden hair and those cupid shaped lips forming an angelic smile. his family was the winter-raw, the wolves of a moonless night and he was summer and fireflies at dusk, the little dots of light in the dark. despite being raised with all the privilege and care of a princeling, he knew that he would not ascend the matching steps his siblings had. with two older brothers, jinwoo was the last child ; the baby.  

his parents where visibly influential and his father was a rumored kingpin, but it went only as far as a rumor, there was no evidence that proved that the notorious businessman was involved in the underground world of south-korea. if he was or wasn’t, jinwoo did not know, you see, he was always the outsider in his family, but while other outsiders stood out and rebelled loudly against their family, jinwoo was almost unsettlingly obedient. there was a peculiar distance about him, he appeared to be uncaring, uninterested - quite a bit discontent, but it had all grown from traditions he was expected to follow, yet also was shut away from. his family wanted him to always do what was best for the family, but also isolated him from his legacy. he was never the heir to take over the family business. the only part he had was carrying through with the demand of being present during dinners out with business partners and acquaintances, during in which he appeared to be so impersonal yet still so alluring. family portraits spoke of the same manner -  throughout his life he was so set apart that when others saw the family photographs in the news, they wondered who he was. but it was always the curious kind of wonderment.

it was his mother who loved him the most, while her older sons were the mirror image of their father, it was jinwoo who resembled her mellow soul and carried that endearing personality of every mama’s favorite boy. he never objected when his mother dressed him in cashmere and gentle silk, the expensive designer only to be ruined when he spilled red wine over his clothes after innocently getting drunk from a box of liquored chocolates - resulting for his nannies to be fired. he grew up immensely spoiled, but while his brothers were out wreaking havoc outside the horizon of the gated community he lived in, he spends his time with a cigarette between his cupid lips and a creative tool in his hand - whether it was the violin, a paintbrush, or he was sitting behind the piano where his father’s dirty money was hidden inside the instrument. he craved the distraction. 

at twenty he found himself to be living in a cage and the only time he could find any sort of freedom was when he went behind the backs of everyone close to him. it’s the sneaking out at midnight and meeting in shady dark corners with shady companions that he knows to be associates of his family. shutting them up with a map of hickeys on their throat. drinks, sex, parties with a sense of anonymity. his family was too preoccupied and never suspected that anything was off, he was adaptable at hiding his rebellious side.

his family had no idea that their ways of shutting him out have led him to a path of danger. they thought they had done well and hidden him from the actual violence, but there are moments he remembers, distant memories vague enough to be dreams. he remembers peeking through the slightly ajar door of his father’s office. his father in a pristine suit and in front of him a man kneeling on the floor pleading, whimpering in pain until he goes quiet and so does his own heart at the sound of a deafening gunshot. its the night that jinwoo runs away for the first time. lost, panicked, and with everything falling apart, it was then he met ( to be plotted ) and later while he shared a cigarette with the stranger between the conversations and moonlight lighting up his pale complexion, he had asked “ do you think there would be sex at the end of the world? ” #iconic.  in their love, where he followed them into the shady underground bars, where they made out under flickering neon-lit bathroom stalls the taste of whiskey on his lips ; the bustlings clubs where he partied with drugs, and gambled with his life. he felt found. around ( to be added ) he didn’t have to be an heir. and so he chose the stranger over his family and followed them to yongsa.

tldr; attention-loving boy finds out the rumors are true and his father is a kingpin and runs away from home with the first person he falls in love with

WANTED CONNECTIONS

x  CLOSE FRIEND & CONFIDANT: their bond was instantly sibling-like and jinwoo considers ( MUSE A ) to be trustworthy and dependable. they see the terrified boy underneath the mask, knows why jinwoo acts out in the way he does ; the parties, the drugs, the easy sex, knows because jinwoo has always been able to share things with ( MUSE A ), and now in the latest fit of frustration of having enough, jinwoo has revealed his unstable dangerous family life and since then the two of them have only grown closer.

x  FRIENDS ( with benefits ) & RECENT UNEXPECTED FRUSTRATION: despite initial reservations and the closed-off ness that jinwoo showed upon first meeting them, in a matter of time getting to know one another better they have developed a soft-version of a ride and die friendship. the pair of them know how to always have a good time, and it’s not unlikely to find jinwoo on the nights that he has no one to share the bed with crashing into ( MUSE B ) bed. which could have brought the recent shiftiness and tension in their friendship or there could be something more. whatever it is jinwoo has never been able to wholly identify it.

x  EX-PARTY FRIEND & BAD INFLUENCE: at one point they had been friends of the worst kind, a friendship that started and blossomed after frequently running into each other at parties and ending up talking and hanging out the entire night. they partied together, they occasionally slept together, and often ( MUSE C ) was the wilder of the two, pushing jinwoo into hedonistic and reckless actions. however, after one specific night, their friendship was broken and now the pair can’t stand to be even in the same room together. something bad happened there and they are both holding onto a secret.

x  CURIOSITY & MUSE: recently ( MUSE D ) has been showing up more and more at his performances and jinwoo has noticed them in the crowd. what he doesn’t know is that ( MUSE D ) recognizes him and has seen him with his family in the news. for jinwoo they have become a recent unexpected muse that he has been writing songs about and always the first person he looks for, wanting to make sure that ( MUSE D ) is at the bar on the night that he performs.

x  * chemistry *  ON & OFF  & INFATUATION: based on the last part of his biography. ( MUSE E ) appeared in his life when it was falling apart, he ran away for them to yongsa. since then, ( MUSE E ) interest seems to be shifting with the wind. jinwoo craves their affection and lives for the nights when all their attention is on him, but when ( MUSE E ) doesn’t give it to him enough .. he will find minute lovers, distractions in someone else. 

#yj:intro #for a moment tumblr really went there and marked my talk tag post

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2783

today was a bust but not exciting day.

after bringing joel to work, i took a nap at home and had unpleasant dreams. at noon, i was abruptly awoken by my dad who was going to go drop his car off at the shop, so i went over and picked him up and we went to lunch at the indian place again. it was so good. it was more mild than last time, which was better for my tastebuds today because i don't know how i would've handled it.

after lunch, i went to goffstown to meet mom at the quilting shop up there so i could help pick a design and backing for the quilt we're gonna give to tyler. we decided on a red backing and gold thread with a leaf pattern. the ladies there were very nice and they're going to finish the quilt up with the binding and everything.

i made a pit stop at a gas station because i had like 11 miles left for my tank, and it cost $52.59 to fill my tank. i'm just glad i have my separate gas account for that.

we stopped for ice cream at hayward's and sat and ate before mom went home and i went to get joel.

i picked him up, and we headed back to his house. i didn't originally have plans for the evening, so i was planning on sitting and reading. but kianna sent me a snapchat and asked me to join her at pottery so i decided to go see her and meet some of her friends (including her new boyfriend, the one with the cat named google maps). they were all lots of fun, and e got along pretty well. i decided to paint a little penguin. it took me the whole time i was there to finish him, but i finished around 9pm! i was happy to have him done. he's very cute. when i pick him up i'll take a picture of his fired self and post both before and after photos.

but now i'm back at joel's, he had game tonight, and it's all over and he's snoring in bed next to me and i love him so much and i wish he knew when i ask for affection, he can say no! that's totally acceptable. good, even. i ask because sometimes he's better with it than other times, and catching him off guard is the fastest way for him to get mad and me to get sad.

anyway, im fucking beat. time to pass out.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #2000s #2700s #sunshine boy

[velteris]

I've been following you for a really long time and this is the first time I've ever wanted to ask you a question. But why would you go camping alone without any light? That's just a really dumb thing to do...

(in ref to my tags here im pretty sure)

gather round, dear followers, for a series of anecdotes from Hell Camp, the source of my best and worst stories

when i was twelve my school sent all its year nine students class by class to a five-week camp, which will henceforth be called Hell Camp. here is the setup:

a four-hour drive out of the city into the outback, where there is a farm owned by the school for the express purpose of hosting Hell Camp

28 girls and 28 boys, each in their own dorm houses

no phones. no computers, no ipods, no TV. no internet (within our reach). we cooked our own food on fire stoves and wrote letters by hand to our parents and friends

no lollies, no soft drinks or juice, all our eggs and milk came off the farm

wake up at 5:30am every day to go for a 3km run and then chores on the farm, from milking the cows to chopping our firewood

Bible study every night because this was a Christian private school

“why???” u may ask. “why did your school subject tweens to a month of this???” supposedly to build character and teach u life skills but tbh idk how knowing how to crack a bullwhip is supposed to help me in life

but it wasnt just five weeks straight of same ol farm life there were other activities they had us do!! camp-like activities!! for example:

Pre-Survival

three days to prepare us because we were innocent younglings who barely knew how to start a fire

basically a campsite in the middle of fuckass nowhere? we rode horses there while the counselors (the Hell Camp resident teachers, but ones that deadlift 50kgs and kill spiders without batting an eye) drove with our bags and stuff and laughed as we got inevitably lost

have u ever used a dunny u have to empty urself

it is so gross. there is a field marked out explicitly for burying everyone’s shit, and u have to take turns. so gross. 

there was a shower which was a metal shed with a bucket of water hung up, which u heated over the fire before u went in and prayed it wasn’t too hot

this was like winter time and we slept in swags on the ground and when we woke up there was frost on our swags

i made an iron horseshoe??? the temptation to touch red hot metal is ridiculous tbh it looks so pretty

someone did touch theirs. it was not me. i heard them yell from across the field where i was helping feed horses.

in the middle of the second night the counselors took us to a giant rock in the middle of the bush where u could see the stars and it was amazing you could see the milky way and everything… but the thing was we had to spend the previous 20 minutes in the dark to get our eyes used to it so they had us hold onto each other’s sleeves and walk blindly into this rugged, rock-covered trail through pitch blackness, praying no one in front is going the wrong way

and then. the counselors played a trick on us by getting one of the kids to stay back in the forest and waited to see how long we’d notice. we didn’t notice until it was time to go back im so sorry Kimmy

Survival

ok this the real shit you went with the same group you were with in pre-survival and the counselors drove you out into the depths of the outback and dropped you and your group off with some tools, food, and tarpauline

and then u just lived out there for three days.

we couldn’t start a fire our first night because it’d been raining before??? our dinner was supposed to be rice, potatoes and carrots, and the carrots were the only edible thing bc u cant eat raw rice and raw potatoes.. u just cant.

there were wild dogs around. we never saw them, but we heard them awoo-ing a lot. so whenever someone split off from the main camp to go pee like two other girls would accompany them as an honor guard, singing Kumbaya to keep the hounds away

sometimes people would go alone and then there would be a Sound in the bush and then you’d just hear them screaming “MAMA’S MAKING KAN TONG”

on our last day the counselors set up targets with drawings of kangaroos on them, handed us a bow and 20 arrows, and said “if u can shoot the kangaroo we’ll give u sausages for your last meal”

never in my life will i ever see such ferocity from 12- to 13-year-old hungry girls again

when it was another group’s turn to be on survival, my group was on normal farm duty, and we were out clearing bush scrub when we heard the survival group girls talking and we realised we’d gotten too close.

“hello?? hello??? is anyone out there?” “oh my god someone’s out there oh my god we’re gonna die” “COME OUT, WE HAVE WEAPONS”

THIS WAS A LIE. WE KNEW DAMN WELL THEY HAD THE SAME THINGS AS US AND THOSE THINGS WERE TWO SHOVELS AND A HEAVY DUTY CLIPPER.

and our fucking counselor just went “shhh!!” to us and herded us back like he just straight up left those nine girls thinking there were bush serial killers out for them

also apparently a tree fell on someone’s head at some point in their survival

at night we slept in a row like snuggling each other cause it was So Fracking Cold and lemme tell u it’s an experience being spooned by the girl who used to sigh whenever you raised your hand in class

Four Day Hike

what it says on the label

55km in four days, carrying all your food, sleeping bags, tents, clothes, toilet paper etc. and minimum 2L of water bottles you could refill at big barrels set out at designated stop points

this is, without a doubt, the single worst experience of my life

nothing good happens when u hand a group of kids a map and a compass and tell them “we’ll look for you if you’re not at the campsite by sundown but apart from that you’re on your own”

i was with an athletic group of kids?? they were Walking So Fast and i was just staggering along with my unfit friend like this is how i die on a godforsaken hill on our way to god knows where

actually i had an asthma attack and they left me behind for a bit fun times

the hike went through some willing farmers’ land and one boy who stupidly climbed a fence got chased by a bull

they sent us off group by group so we’d all make our own way, so whenever u bumped into another group you were like. okay one of us was going the wrong way and it better fucking well be you

there weren’t any showers or anything so we basically all wore the same clothes for four disgustingly sweaty days of hiking

someone used an anthill as a toilet bc it had a nice big hole to drop ur toilet paper down

the ants did not appreciate this

when you run out of toilet paper and it’s only 11am

Solo

this was it. the culmination of the camp. the ultimate character building experience.

which was just 24 hours of alternating boredom and sudden visceral terror now that i think about it

u got dropped off (again in the middle of nowhere see a theme yet) with tarp, a lil trowel, and a clipper, and u just set up camp and did whatever u wanted for 24 hours

they let u bring a bible.

i got really into Leviticus and Deutoronomy before it went dark

listen it was really really boring ok

AND HERE IT IS THE BIT WHERE I DIDN’T HAVE LIGHT WHILE CAMPING ALONE

listen when the sun goes down at 5pm, u go down too. there’s nothing else u can do?? u just gotta sleep???

or, like me, lie awake in mortal terror listening to the bush Come Alive

when the wallaby goes THUMP-THUMP-THUMP and you’re like holy shit this is it the abominable loch ness chupycabra has manifested in the australian outback and it’s going to eat me alive jesus christ protect me with the power of this bible

hence the sheer relief when the sun finally comes out and u can walk around without living in fear of accidentally walking face first into a spiderweb or scratchy lantana bushes

also a mini survey went around afterwards and i’m pretty sure a solid 60% of the girls took a shit on solo like… at long last u can take as long in the toilet as u want… without the other 27 girls banging on the door……

other miscellaneous stories that dont fit anywhere else:

one of the boys went missing?? he wandered off and couldn’t remember anything when they found him in the middle of the bush. cryptic

there was this one homesick girl who was REALLY homesick like she cried every day of the five weeks. by the end of the camp she’d approached everyone to talk about her Feelings and you’d just kind of groan softly when u saw her coming towards your bunk bc u knew u were in for a hopeless comforting session

on sundays sometimes we went to the nearby town’s elderly home to talk to the old folks and some of us could play music so we did little performances for them which was rly sweet!

there were lambs on the farm!! we named them Uggboot and i think Fleece Jacket or smth like that

there were cows too!! meat cows!! they were Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

my first time on cow milking duty i tried to herd the bull towards the milking pens bc i did not realise he was not a cow. i quickly realised when he took very fast steps towards me and i Got The Dodge Out Of There

we spit roasted an entire pig for the final feast before we left and i will never forget it. the first time in my life i had crackling. half the group was weak in the knees cause we saw the pig get slaughtered and the other half was just “sweet, more for me”

whenever the new fruit delivery came in and the hunger games commenced in the kitchen… tween girls are actually ravenous wolves u heard it here first folks

when u going to the bathroom in the bush and u feel something touch your butt… is it a stray hair? is it a piece of grass? is it a bug??? who knows but nothing makes your bowels loosen faster

the unholy horror of finding spiders wherever you least expect it

ANTS IN THE SUGAR

“I saw Goody Proctor with the devil leaving the cupboard open for the ants!!!”

honestly so many things happened at Hell Camp that i can’t remember most of them anymore and it Rankles Me bc i know there were so many wild stories but here you go. some of the wildest ones.

11/10 went back to Hell Camp voluntarily once, would go back again again.

#velter answers #this took so long but is it worth it??? yes absolutely #Anonymous #hell camp #i went back to tag this just for future reference #my memories grow fuzzier by the day... hell camp deserves preservation

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Hi i just wanted to say i adore ypu blog❤️ So my prompt is a Highschool AU with a Nerdy!Shy!Tony and a Popular!Jock!Bucky and bucky askes him on a date and you can get creative after that or just finish it there! Thanky You

Combined with:

In high school, Tony was in love with the school’s star quarterback, Ty, who used and abused him. Bucky was in love with Tony, but beyond smiles and friendly gestures Tony didn’t really notice him. 5 yrs later Tony is quite disillusioned with chasing after people who stomp on his heart, and is determined to live a quiet life with his roommate, fellow scientist Bruce. All that changes when he meets Bucky (now a mechanical engineer) at a tech conference.

Now

“C’mon,Brucie, stop looking like you’re carrying an unexploded bomb andhave some fun!”

Brucesighed and pulled the lanyard over his head. “It’s a roboticsconference, Tony; I don’t think ‘fun’ is really the word you’relooking for.”

“Sureit is!” Tony said, sweeping his arm to encompass the labyrinthineshowroom hall they were entering. “Cutting edge gadgets! Demos thatare going to fail horribly to laugh at! All the free crappy pens andstickynotes and branded toys you can shake a stick at! And best ofall, booth babes!”

“Youridea of fun and mine are very, very different.” Bruce rolled hiseyes, but he gamely accepted the bag that Tony handed him to putmarketing swag in. The bit about booth babes was bullshit; Tonyhadn’t so much as gone on a date in almost two years, focusinginstead on building his fledgling company.

Tonyconsulted the floor map. “Let’s see, where should we start?”Bruce didn’t bother answering. He’d only agreed to come with Tonyto the conference because the symposium on medical applications ofminiaturized robotics sounded interesting. “Oooh, robotics-enhancedprosthetics!” Tony crowed. “That’s right up my alley, come on!”He charged up one crowded aisle without looking to see if Bruce wasfollowing.

Brucefollowed anyway. By the time Bruce caught up with him, Tony wasalready staring at a display model behind plexiglass, showing theinner workings of a mechanized arm. “Bruce, look at this! They’reusing that specialized weight-distribution joint that I designed lastyear, but they’ve reworked the power core. This is gorgeous,I can’t even–”

Theguy behind the counter turned toward them with a professionallybright smile. “Good afternoon, sir, can I he– Tony?”

Tonylooked up from the arm and his eyes suddenly went round. “Oh mygod,” he breathed. “Bucky?”

Bruceblinked. That was a name he hadn’t expected to hear, here, thoughhe heard it often enough when Tony was drinking or sleep-deprivedenough to start rambling about “the one who got away.”

(Look out for the cut.)

Then

“I’mgonna do it at lunch, Steve.”

“Goodfor you, Buck. Do what, exactly?” Steve didn’t even look up fromwhere he was copying Bucky’s CompSci homework.

“Haveyou even been listening? I’m gonna ask Tony to prom.”

Stevefrowned, compared what he’d just written to Bucky’s notes, thengrunted irritably and started erasing the line he’d miscopied.“Isn’t he dating that asshat Stone?”

“Youreally haven’t been listening, have you?” Bucky demanded. Hewaved a hand under Steve’s face and waited until his best friendfinally looked up at him. “They broke up last night. It’s allover school.”

“What’sthat, the fifth time this semester?” Steve mused. “You know theynever stay broken up long.”

“That’swhy I’ve gotta ask him at lunch!” Bucky said. He felt giddy withexcitement. He’d been nursing this damn crush for Tony since theeighth grade; it was damn well time to do something about it. “Theydon’t have any morning classes together; they won’t have had timeto get back together! If I can get him to say yes now, then he won’tbe abletogo back to that jackass.”

“Idon’t think it works quite that way,” Steve said.

“Maybenot, but I have to try,” Bucky said. “We’re gonna graduate intwo months, and I’ll never see him again.”

Stevelooked thoughtful. “Yeah,” he said. “Okay. You’re right. Do it. I’ll keep an eye out for Stone’s cronies.”

Now

Jesus,Tony looked even better now than when they’d been in schooltogether. In high school, Tony had been a quiet, nerdy kid, kind ofscrawny, always so desperate to please everyone that he never quitefit in anywhere. But he’d filled out in the years since, still leanbut now sporting wiry muscle, and the sparse and scruffy facial hairhe’d once had had filled in and been immaculately trimmed intosomething that made his face sharper and more striking.

Andit wasn’t like Bucky hadn’t known that Tony had turned out to bemoderately successful – it was no accident that the new prostheticdesign had incorporated some of Tony’s developments in robotics –but there was a world of difference between looking at thecarefully-curated photos in the industry journals and seeing the manstanding not three feet away, just as surprised as Bucky and visiblysteeling himself

“Inever thought I’d see you again,” Bucky heard himself say throughthe shock.

“Oh,I’m like a bad penny,” Tony joked lamely, then looked down at thearm on display. “They give you a patter for this thing? Or betteryet, a datasheet? I’d love to pick the design team’s brains.”

“You’relookin’ at ‘im,” Bucky said.

Tonyglanced up at him again, eyebrows lifted in surprise. Bucky pushedaside the pity party that had been building and found his show grinagain, because there was no way he was going to let a five-year-oldheartache stop him from taking credit for the work he was so proudof. Laying groundwork for a strategic partnership with StarkIndustries would be good for Bucky’s career. The damage to hisheart was already done; he might as well get somethingoutof it.

Hethumbed the security lock on the display case and lifted out the armso they could take a closer look. “So, what d’you want to know?”

Then

TheStarks lived in a big, fancy house, damn near a mansion. Buckycouldn’t believe someone who lived in a place like this had saidyes to someone like him.He chewed on his lip and stared up at the house for a good fiveminutes before he finally made himself get out of the car. He brushedthe wrinkles out of his rented tux and reminded himself not to crushthe little plastic box that held Tony’s boutonniere. Every step hetook up the path that led across that immaculate lawn seemed to makehis heart beat a little harder.

Hehad to take another few breaths before he rang the doorbell. He hadto calm down a little; if Tony’s parents were anything likeBucky’s, he was going to have to make small talk for a while andlet them take about half a million pictures before they were finallyable to make their escape.

Hewondered what kind of curfew Tony’s parents were setting. Buckyusually had to be home by midnight on the weekends, but his mom hadtold him not to worry about it tonight – just to be home bybreakfast, and to text whenever he was going somewhere new.

Herang the doorbell, and then waited. And waited. He was wondering ifhe should ring again when the door opened to frame a thin olderwoman: Tony’s mom. “Hello?” She looked down athis tux, the boutonniere box in his hand, then up at his face again,apparently confused.

HadTony not toldhisparents he was going to prom? Or had he not told them that he wasgoing with another guy? Shit shit shit… “I’m, I’m here topick Tony up,” Bucky managed to say.

Thewoman looked him down and then up again. “Tony left half an hourago,” she said.

That…didn’t make any sense.

“ButI told him…” Bucky started, and then stopped himself. Mrs. Starkwouldn’t have any answers for him.

Shegave him an apologetic smile. “Maybe he misunderstood,” sheoffered, “and is planning to meet you there?”

Howcould “I’ll pick you up at seven” be misunderstood?

Obviously,there was somesortof misunderstanding going on. Bucky gave Mrs. Stark a small, tightsmile. “Maybe. I’ll… I left my phone in the car; I’ll texthim. Thank you.”

Hisheart was beating faster, now, with something closer to panic thanexcitement. What had happened? He all but ran back to the car andfumbled for his phone.

MessageNot Delivered.

What?He poked the Retry button.

MessageNot Delivered.

Whatthe hell? A sick twist in his stomach, Bucky started the car andheaded for the prom, alone.

Now

Themore Bucky explained the design decisions and concepts, the more Tonyhated himself for having let Bucky get away, five years ago. Tony hadknown even then that Bucky was smart as hell, but this exceeded evenTony’s expectations. He was still hot, too, of course. Theintimidating breadth of muscle Bucky had maintained as a member ofthe football team had melted some without constant upkeep, but it hadleft behind just the faintest hint of roundness that Tony founddesperately appealing

Andthe way his eyes sparkled and snapped as he pointed out some of themore subtle features – Tony probably could’ve fallen for areasonably well-dressed monkey if it had that level of passion andfire.

Brucekept giving Tony that Look every time Tony turned his way, too. Tonysteadfastly ignored it. He’d lost that chance, thrown it away withboth hands. He was lucky Bucky was even willing to speak to him.Probably wouldn’t, if it wasn’t a tradeshow and Bucky’s actualjob to do so.

Eventually,though, Tony ran out of things to ask. He was going to have to walkaway, knowing exactly what he’d thrown away… Of all the horriblethings Ty had done to Tony, this was probably the worst, in the longrun.

Bruceglared at Tony as he stepped back, and caught his arm. “I wouldn’tmind having a quiet dinner back at the hotel if you guys wanted tomeet up after the floor closes tonight and reminisce.”

Tonycouldn’t help the flinch, or miss the way Bucky’s professionalsmile went brittle and cold. “There’s not that much to remember,”Bucky told Bruce. “We can pretty well sum it up with, ‘Hey,remember that time you stood me up for the prom?’” He made anoise that approximated a laugh and pointedly did not look at Tony.

Then

“Oh,goodness, Anthony,” Tony’s mom said, looking out the window.“Your date really went all out, didn’t he?”

“What?”It was only six-thirty; Bucky wasn’t supposed to pick him up untilseven. Tony ran up beside her and looked.

Sureenough, there was a limo parking at the curb. “Crap,” Tonygasped. He ran his hands through his hair – he hadn’t had time todo it properly yet, but he didn’t dareletBucky come inside to be grilled by his mom, or worse, his dad. “Okay,I’m going!” he said brightly, dashing for the stairs before shecould grab him. “Don’t wait up!”

“Anthony!”she protested, but he pretended not to hear her, jogging down thestairs and practically diving through the door. He slowed to a briskwalk as he crossed the lawn, his heart hammering with excitement.

Thecar’s driver was waiting to open the door as Tony approached, andTony flashed him a huge grin as he ducked into the vehicle.

“Wow,Buck, this is–”

Thatwasn’t Bucky, lounging in the plush seat.

“Ty,”Tony snapped. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh,darling,” Ty sighed. “You didn’t really think that BuckyBarneswasactually going to take you to prom, did you? I know you’re given toflights of fancy, but that’s a bit farfetched, even for you, don’tyou think?”

“Wait,hang on,” Tony told the driver before he could shut the door. “I’mgetting out.” Tony glared at Ty. “We’ve been planning it forweeks, so yes, I think that Bucky Barnes is going to take me toprom.”

“Oh,darling,” Ty said again, shaking his head. “It was a prank. Asetup. He was never going to show up.”

Tonytried to ignore the way that echoed his own late-night fears. “God,you are such an asshole.”

“It’strue,” Ty insisted. “I heard him planning it with Rogers in thelocker room.”

“Rogerswould never. He’s such a goody two-shoes,” Tony protested.

“That’swhat he wants everyone to think, but you should’ve seen what he didto Rumlow after the Homecoming game,” Ty said with a sympatheticwince.

Noone had ever confirmed what had happened to put Rumlow in thehospital for two weeks after Homecoming, though rumors had flown fastand thick. Rumlow himself wouldn’t talk about it. “Rogers didthat?”

Tynodded. “I helped pull him off, or Brock probably would’ve died.Coach swore everyone to secrecy.” Ty grimaced in distaste. “He’svicious, when he wants to be.”

“I’dstill rather go stag than go with you,” Tony said.

Tysmiled, that bright, slick smile that he saved for when he knew hewas going to get exactly what he wanted. “And walk the gauntlet ofthe entire school as they laugh at you for showing up without the‘date’ everyone’s heard about? Come on, Tony, you know betterthan that.”

Tonyclosed his eyes, unwilling to let Ty see how much he was hurting.God, he’d thought Bucky had actually likedhim.What an idiot. He should’ve known he couldn’t be that lucky.

“Ofcourse you do, you’re too smart to let a thing like that happen.Luckily, I overheard them and decided to come to your rescue. For oldtime’s sake.”

Tonydrew a breath and held it for a count of ten, until he was sure hewouldn’t let a single tear slip free, and then slid silently ontothe limo’s bench seat.

“That’sa good boy,” Ty purred. The driver shut the door, finally, a heavyslam that felt like the vault door on Tony’s heart. “Come on overhere. Delete that asshole from your phone and have a drink or two,” Ty suggested, and the cabin filledwith the smell of rum. “Once you’ve loosened up a little, youmight even have some fun. And I’m sure I can think of a couple ofways for you to show your gratitude, later.”

Now

“Itwas Ty,” Tony said softly, not looking at Bucky.

Theold rage and hurt blossomed to life again behind Bucky’s sternum.“I know it was Ty,” he growled. “Steve told me you two showedup, already half-lit–”

“Tytold me,” Tony said, a little louder now, riding over Bucky. “Hetold me that you were never going to show. That it was you and Rogersplaying a, a fucking pranktohumiliate me.”

Buckyopened his mouth, closed it again. “Why the hell would we do that?”was all he could think to say.

“Topunish me for trying to get above myself?” Tony grated. “I don’tknow. It doesn’t matter. Rogers cornered me on Monday and damn wellput me in my place. He told me that you–”

“Iwent to pick you up,” Bucky said, the flame of anger snuffing andleaving behind only the hurt. “And you were gone, so I went to theprom and I saw… I saw you dancing with him. And I left.”

Tonyhad wrapped his arms around his middle and was staring into thedistance, off to the side. “Well, those weren’t the words heused, but I… figured out that Ty had lied. To prove that he couldstill make me dance to his tune. To get revenge on me for breaking upwith him, I guess. For… for daring to be happy.”

Buckydidn’t know how to respond to that. He should have known that wasTy’s fault, shouldn’t he? He should’ve marched into the damndance and told Ty to take his disgusting, lying hands off Bucky’sdate. He should’ve… at least asked.Everyone had known how Ty treated Tony. But Bucky had been so hurt hecouldn’t think straight.

Buckycast about for something to say, anything.Tony’s friend caught Bucky’s eye and raised an eyebrow, noddingtoward Tony significantly.

Buckyopened his mouth, closed it again. He knew he shouldsaysomething, but what? He could practically seeTonyshrinking back into a timid, shy kid with no self-esteem.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” Tony said. “For whatever that’s worth. I never…I’m sorry.” He took a step back. Another, slowly, as if he werehoping to be stopped, but Bucky still had no words. Tony turned.

“Wereyou really happy?” Bucky blurted.

Tony’shead lifted, though he didn’t look back. “What?”

“When…Before Ty fucked everything up. Were you really happy that I’dasked you?”

Tonylaughed, just a little, or maybe it was a choked-back sob. “I don’tthink I’d ever been happier before in my life.”

Buckybit his lip, glanced at Tony’s friend. The curly head bobbed infervent approval.

“Havedinner with me?”

Tonylooked at Bucky finally, hope and fear twisting his mouth. “Really?”

Buckynodded. “Seems I owe you a date.”

“Youdon’t–” Tony’s friend elbowed him, not being at all subtle. Tonyglared back, but took a breath and turned back to Bucky. “Okay,yeah. Yes. Dinner.” Tony glanced down at the schedule. “Pick meup at eight?”

“I’llbe there,” Bucky said. He grinned a little, to take the sting outof it, and said, “Wait for me this time.”

“I’vebeen waiting for five years,” Tony said. “What’s another coupleof hours?”

~ @everyworldneedslove

#prompts #winteriron #tony stark #bucky barnes #tony x bucky #au: high school #(and afterward) #bruce banner #tiberius stone #maria stark #everyworldneedslove #werewolfsinatub

[insanelemur]

Tuesday art related post. Click to see image

 https://www.facebook.com/josephdculp/posts/10101686876672996 

 This one is more theoretical, it is a piece of my "everything theory", which is an illusory, but useful concept in which a theor or artist tries to capture as much analytical subject matter as they can possibly know about in some sortof mental map for the sake of becoming fluent. Fluency is the prerequisite to become Fluid in your Technique as an artist (or linguist, musician, dancer, actor, cotton candy vendor etc.. etc..). Fluid artists "shred" so duh I wanna be one of those people!

"Ok Joe? Whats this apollonian stairstep bullshit you ramble of?"

This is a stepped dimensional system that categorizes visual elements that have a hand in drawing/painting representational narrative pictures, note that its chopped off at 8 cause I don't know enough about 8 or 9 to talk about them guud, 9 might even be beyond verbal categories anyways. This will be a simple overview, I'll go in depth on this shiz in future posts.

0: Breathe smooth and regular, relax and let your mind empty of distracting stuff like emotions (Moebius was big on that). "Play exciting, not excited". The Zero stage is usually most important in any endeavor, and has to do with unlearning bad habits.

1: The stroke. Learn it left handed and right handed so your brain gets cross-connected. The only letters in the visual realm are "CSI.", everything visual is "spelled" or constructed outtof those "letters". Curves, Counter-curves, straights and dots. For myself strokes come in 6 elemental forms, which is my bastardized version of Wu Xing teachings. Air, Fire, Wood, Water, Metal, and Earth strokes all have different characteristics that you can use to create contrast in drawing. More on that in subsequent posts...

2: Shape (the 2nd dimension, see wat im doin?). This is the domain of looking at a subject as flat, like a map within a framework. The color wheel and value scale fall here, with values being the most important subject to learn about right behind the framing, proportional measurements, poise, and relative placements of the shapes themselves-all that is known as "Drawing". It sounds very simple but counting is a good skill to have when dealing with a map of shapes.

3: Form. Now we are officially creating illusions which appear to exist within the picture frame! Perspective and section lines and all that 3d jazz. Its good to keep in mind that just like shapes, forms are spelled with Cs Ss and Is, but those letters can twist and move in more spatial directions now! This is the stage where camera and lens is introduced. Lens changes the appearance of form by including more or less perspective within the frame. One contrast with form I like to think about early is if it is organic or hard surface, which leads us to-

4: Material. All the forms you see are made of stuff, stuff can be plasma, gas, liquid, solid. It can be brick or the fuzzy fur on an animal. It gives form its weight, shows cleanliness, damage, dirt and grime, manufacture or growth. Learning about material gets real scientific, cause at the end of the day its all molecules. Material possesses different values, colors, textural information-which goes right back down to number 1! All Materials possess different levels of reflectivity-diffuse and specular. Reflectivity requires us to talk about light...so....

5: Light. This is where things get fun, where we get mood and effect. You gotta know how it works though, and it works in conjunction with every stage discussed thus far to show us the world that we live in. Light works with material and form in specific ways, I like to think of some general effects when designing light for an image. Brilliance, shadow (includes material rake), diffusion, reflection (bounce), particle or atmosphere (which is diffusion,but used specifically), refraction (cool effects of clear stuff). Its simple good practice to ask which of these effects is taking place in an image. Other than that we have the shape (or form) of a light source, its relative strength, placement in the scene (I will talk about using light maps in the future) and color. Then we have exposure, which goes all the way back to the value scale (in 2). If you wanna deal with realistic light, you gotta deal with sound value structure first.

6: Action. Now we are dealing with time. Gesture and Movement. I remember hearing that animators are the best drawers, which really stuck with me. Watch a cartoon and you'll see drawers who know timing like a musician, and the moves of dancers and fighters. Movement is as varied as stroke, we are moving a stylus to create images that evoke movement in illusory worlds. This is why the number 6 is shaped like its spiraling in on its self, because in a fundamental way we are dealing with the same forces that govern number 1. Yet just drawing people punching each other or a waterfall that looks like its moving is incomplete without...

7: Story. The Holy Number. You can have completely shitty art (technically) and a great story and it will be much better than the inversion. However, since we are dealing with a visual medium you gotta realize that we tell the story through visuals- this is cinematography, and has to do with the phenomenology of art (like, maybe my story is BETTER with "shitty" art dudeeee). I think its cool to be familiar with tropes, just so it really sinks in that everything has been done before. Every idea has been thought of, but How and Why you tell your story will be what gives it its unique heartbeat.

Stay fluid my friends, Joey C

#art #form #material #light #shape #action #story

[jess-oh]

Reflection

hey journal!

i had an off day today. i woke up early, showered, cut and prepared my lunch for the day, packed grapes to snack on, and was overall in a pretty good mood. i even stayed awake for the entire train ride up north and while i did run into the homeless guy again, he didnt recognize me this time. phew. but i started it off well! i did! but then i preceeded to feel very overwhelmed and I can’t tell if im just being lazy or if today was honestly an off day or what. i think it’s bc i do have a tendency to work fast in general but bc of that, i usually have a lot of free time and a lot of time for a break but today, i didnt feel like i had a break. it was just one thing after the other and all so fast! And I’ve been getting more “fire drill” requests recently where clients need something ASAP. Which haven’t been too hard. It’s just a lot to take care of I guess. And it could just be that it’s a busy season right now. But it was just today and I do feel like tomorrow will be better. I just need to come up with a few different drafts for the one pager and the company map. I’m thinking of looking into flow charts? Or an organizational map? Or maybe it’s a chart? Anyway, I did one for ITM that came out pretty nice so maybe I’ll mimic the style. I think I’m just having such a hard time bc I don’t exactly know what they want whereas my work for the clients have been pretty straightforward. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m too “perfect” and because of that, I lack a personality.

I didn’t actually tell anyone the above thought bc I thought it’d just come off as cocky but it was an actual concern! but I don’t think it’s true, haha. I’m passionate, loyal, determined, and hardworking. I’m not as goal-oriented as I used to be and I’m a lot more open to mistakes bc I know it’s not the end of the world. I’ve been able to overcome my fear of failure and it’s been immensely helpful. Although sometimes, I do still wonder if I’m not putting my best foot forward because I’m not a perfectionist anymore and worry if I should revert to those old habits. But I was so unhappy then and I’ve been able to do a lot more now without making every draft a “perfect” draft. 

I didn’t realize the people in my class from Sa-Rang went on their road trip recently and it looks like they had a good time and I was actually not at all worried about missing out. In fact, I think if I went, it would’ve just been awkward. I’m glad theyre having a good time. I just don’t think my personality fits in with them. Everyone is so competitive and I’ve tried to play those games before and I feel like if I called them out on it, they’d just chalk it off to me overreacting and they just dont trust me bc of the game and not bc of the past. But I feel like it would be bc of the past. I just wish they’d give me a chance. I actually feel like a real, decent, valid human being with my D&D friends and co-workers and peers out here. And with them. I always felt like I tried to speak up but they would ignore me. I was a voice always unheard and it made me feel invisible and like less of a person. And it felt like a norm so whenever people did acknowledge my existence, I was so touched. So touched to know that at least someone could see me. But how sad is that? I know who I am and I know the good that I have done and I know my place in God’s Kingdom. But whenever I’m with them, everything just falls apart and I question my identity and I just really don’t want to go back and face that again. I only have a month left before I have to. I want to make the most of my time here so that I’m not so afraid when I go back there. I do need to stand my ground with them and I know that I shouldn’t be this afraid to go back to my home church but I am just so afraid of how they’d react and judge me bc they’re the people I call “home.” And if that falls apart, then what. I do have Lakeview here and I’m glad but it’s still a work in progress for sure. I also want to make sure I’m doing things to help and invest into others because I genuinely care for them and not so that they’ll be grateful and thankful towards me later. I do want to genuinely serve them. I do. And I know that I can get into my own head a lot but I do want to really care for them on a deeper level. I also worry that whenever I reach out to guys, they think I’m asking them out on a date but I’m not. I actually just perceive them as I perceive girls—as hurting people and I want to be there to help them through it. 

I have “Jessie’s Girl” stuck in my head and as catchy as it is, it’s distracting my writings.

I’m really excited to sing karaoke with my friends on Friday and I just belt out my horrible horrible voice. I am totally prepared to lose my voice, HAHA. 

I’m just really conflicted, I guess.

On the one hand, I do really want to go home and just be home and not have to worry about anything but to just be in the presence of my parents and sister and to have the opportunity to go out on more late night adventures with Andrew, Aurora, and David. Those are always fun! And admittedly, forcing hangouts with Jeanne, Grace An, Tina and David Kang were always kind of awkward and I shouldn’t force these things. If people want to hangout with me then they can hit me up. But I’m only in town for so long and I would much rather spend time with people who actually genuinely care about me. 

I’ve also been so busy with my internship and havent had time to work on my coding skills :( And I want to start designing my D&D character too! Maybe I’ll start sketching on the train tomorrow or something. 

I need to do my dishes and practice my VBS dance moves too! Hopefully Saturday? :/ I want to be prepared and ready to teach 2 more dances that I’m confident in on Sunday! And then...I’m not sure what we’ll do for the rest of the time. Maybe we can all work together on the fifth dance and just keep practicing every Sunday. I do need to make sure they can confidently dance on their own without watching me. I’m worried about one of the bigger girls because she is me. She’s not bad at dancing. She’s just not confident in her skills and I want to make sure she knows that she is seen. She is real. And valid. And so important and perfect in God’s eyes. I know I was pretty nervous last Sunday but I do want to really pray for them and be a sort of mentor figure for them. We just started training and I already love all of them so much. It was also pretty disheartening when I asked for fun facts about them and they just resorted to being a PK, as if that’s all they’re good for when in reality, they are so much more than that. I can understand why and how I got and get left out a lot more now. I’m that bigger girl bc she wasnt as enthusiastic or excited. She was just shy and quiet. And I feel like there have been moments when I’ve been really enthusiastic but no one else agreed with me and I ended up just being the odd one out and felt like such an outsider and like I didn’t belong. :/ I want to really do my best and try my hardest. I do.

I’m also worried that by the time I come back during August, I won’t have grown that much and nothing will feel like it’s changed. I’m just trying to prepare and think as much as I can until then. I almost don’t want to go home at all. I’m so scared that what awaits me is just me feeling like I don’t belong. At first I was sad that I’ll only be home for a few weeks but now I’m thinking that’s all I can handle. I am so afraid that I won’t have grown or learned enough. So much happened this past year that it feels like nothing happened at all. I struggled with alcoholism, depression, anxiety, I lost Marlena and Jakob, I made new friends like Sara and Evelyn too. I had trouble coming to terms with my dad’s mom’s death, my mom’s dad’s death, my whole family dying and everything we own being burned to a crisp. All of my family members and friends getting seriously injured and everything they know and love being destroyed in a great blaze. And hardest of all, I had to come to terms with the very real reality of Robbin passing away and honestly, I still can’t fully believe it. I think once I see his grave again, I’ll actually begin to fully accept it. I really still can’t believe that happened and that’s definitely been the most impactful part of this past year. I knew that this year would be tough but I thought in terms of persecution and that’s something I overcame. I didn’t care about how others would judge me at church or on the streets anymore because I know who I am in God’s eyes. Or at least I’m trying to learn my worth in them. But this? This was on a whole different level. I went home in February for the weekend to attend Robbin’s funeral. I know it was so expensive but it was so worth it be there. It was much needed closure. I remember seeing my dad cry on our way from the airport to his mom’s place. We were both so upset, knowing what a great person Robbin was and how short his life was. He was ten years older than me when he passed away. It’s been over five months, nearly six, since he had a heart attack and I just. Sigh. I really miss you Robbin and I am so sorry that I didn’t do more for you while you were still here. I know it wasn’t my fault but I still can’t help but feel partly responsible and wonder if anything would have changed had I said something. I know what depression feels like and it sucks and I could’ve been there for him but I wasn’t. 

But anyways,

I’m here now and I am doing good. I know I am. I am happy that I can. I need to stop procrastinating and be more pro-active and get everything done sooner so that I have more time to relax and not have to worry about things to do the next day. I don’t even feel like typing anymore but I’m not tired either. I might just watch videos because might as well. I’m really not in the mood to shower or was dishes. At least tomorrow is my last day for the week! Woo! I could just take care of those things tomorrow, I suppose. Sigh. I know I shouldn’t be lazy and I definitely have the means and ability to get up and do these things and just get it over with my but I’m really not in the mood. I just want to lay on the floor and cry and wallow in my sorrow. Sigh. 

On a brighter note, I saw the Incredible 2 yesterday with Tykira and Jordan and it was so good! I predicted the plot pretty early on so I was worried that that would be the whole movie so I was pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t! C:

I read some old posts in the Guat Squad group the other day while looking for old VBS dance moves and I told Judy that I missed everyone. But honestly, I don’t know if I do. I posted so many times and was so excited to post about reminders and I honestly did trust them and have a good time but not everyone, I guess. Even on the mission field, I was a lot more comfortable talking to Judy, Grace, and Gladys than anyone else on the team. There were moments during training where they did acknowledge me and I felt accepted and like I belonged but for the majority of the time, I don’t think I actually really got along with them. I need to stop trying so hard to fit in and just saying what everyone else is saying and speak the truth instead. It might be “not the right move” but it’s much better to be me and honest than to spend so long trying so hard to fit into a group that will never accept me anyway. I think this is a new goal that I should be working towards. Using my observations to just be blunt and straightforward and honest. I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job doing that with my family and P. Josh so far. I just can’t be afraid to be honest to those around my age either. 

I also need to stop judging people for being wealthy and well off. And also for complaining or being greedy or doing a better job at fitting in than I do. I’ve been really frustrated towards Jane recently bc I feel like she just complains all the time and tries so hard to fit in and it annoys me so much bc I try to fit in too. So why does it work for her but not for me? And maybe it’s because I’m fat or not as pretty. Maybe it’s because of what happened in the past. But regardless, I am here. And I want to be unapologetically me. 

#reflection

[candithedinosaur-blog]

sorry for the lack of art...

im just not feeling very confident lately. i had like five requests from this person who i wont mention and im too scared to tell them how i feel. keep reading if you wanna know what stupid stuff's been going on in my head for the past week. BUT IF YOURE GONNA KEEP READING READ THE WHOLE THING BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE so as some of you know, i recently did a live stream drawing the person (lets just call them jam) jams "gemsona." but the problem is, this wasn't their gemsona exactly. he literally just searched up fire opal in google and saw that he liked the design and just declared it his own gemsona. now, some people dont know that reposting art without the artist's permission is illegal, but i dont know the situation between google images and plagiarism so, im not sure if he was allowed to consider it his own. and if you watched my live stream, you could SEE him put into chat "you can make your own design." that just made me feel... furious. and a gemsona isnt a gemsona if its just something you saw on the internet and called it your own and THEN decided to make it a fan fusion. i cant remember if i actually sighed out loud, but if i did, it meant "ok you need to get the fuck out and get your own gemsona and guess what im not drawing that shit." but i try to keep my channel at least pg 13, and im a weak crybaby that is too scared to tell him how i feel. im too scared to tell anyone anything to their face or on the internet how i feel if it might make them have a bad opinion of me, and of course, i didnt want to cause arguments in the roleplay me and some other friends from the internet were in. and thats not all, jam has broken the same rule at least five times. rule number 2. no spamming. and before, there was also conflict with jam and some other guy who ill call draco. oh yea, forgot to mention that im the leader of this roleplay group. i literally had to kick out draco from the group and i made a biiiig mistake when i did that. draco came back and apologized. but that big mistake was, i shouldve kicked the both of them out. i feel bad for making draco feel like he was being personally attacked. so now that all of the group chat stuff is out of the way, its on to the main cause of the lack of confidence and art. so, like i said, jam has requested about five drawing from me, all at different times. he requested a point of the plagiarized fire opal design number one. he chose two pictures and he gave me the first one. so i made a point out of that and he used it for his pfp and gave me credit, yay, points dont take that long to do so it was cool. but there was more details to it. so, he first asked for a drawing of it and i said id make a point because it takes less time and im getting ready to pretend to go to sleep in a few hours. so i decided that i was done drawing on my pc for the night so i sketched a little fire opal point. so i send him a picture with the terrible colored pencil coloring and i said "well im done drawing on my computer for tonight but i can draw it tomorrow if you want" and jam said that he wanted the digital version, which i can see why. so in the morning, here is the average schedule for me : 11:00-12:00 - mom wakes me up 12:05 - we make lunch together and watch who wants to be a millionaire which plays for 30 minutes including commercials and it starts at 12:30, sometimes my dad comes home from work to get lunch, sometimes he doesnt. 1:05 - the chew starts and i either go take a shower and sit in my closet watching jse's the escapist series for about 30 minutes, or i do that without the shower part. 2:00 - im usually completely ready for the day and i have requests read (if any) and i think about what im going to draw since my mom doesnt want me staying up until 3am, she makes me put my phone and pc in her room during weekdays (sometimes she forgets and those days i take advantage) so i usually take my pc at around 2:15 pm sometimes we go shopping, sometimes we dont so when i go to sit in my closet watching yt, jam just messages me saying "hi" me thinking i was smart, i keep watching yt. jam says "can you see this?" and i keep the private dms unmuted incase if theres a problem in chat (the chats muted) for my rp acc they could just ask me personally. i go on instagram, and say "yea" and they legit say "can you make my point now?" i said "oh were going shopping i might be able to do it now bt i might have to do it later." we actually were going shopping and out of sheer panic, i finished changing and did the point. i did that, and then a few days later, he asks for the drawing so i did that on stream blah blah blah. but then he asks me for another point. my maximum for gemsonas are 1 rn. bt this wasnt a gemsona. it was jasper, but with splatoon hair. i dont play splatoon, but jam does. so i make the point AND HE DOESNT EVEN USE IT FOR ANYTHING. LIKE WTF. I COULDVE USED THAT HALF HOUR TO WATCH YOUTUBE. so, yea. then, the last thing. this was the last request and i already had like five at that point (hehe cuz they were points) so i decided to do it last because ya know, it was a full on picture, nothing much. so i dont start on it and he says "did you start on it yet" i said "no not yet im taking a break for tonight" and he knows i had a lot of requests that day. the next day, i sneak into my moms room and i see the notification that says "you dont have to do the drawing, if you dont want to" and i said "ok" just to be nice. and he said "but you can if you want" and i didnt reply. i almost said "oh well i ddint want to do it anyways" but i didnt. because im nice. he literally requested a drawing of himself wih splatoon hair. in the splatoon art style. like tf bro. thats the first time anyone asked for a drawing of them tho so i think im growing as an artist. BUT WAIT I FORGOT THERE WAS ONE MORE i cant remember what the drawing was, but i remember i was in a restaurant about to leav when hes like "so can you make it now" and i was like "no im in a restaurant but ill be home in like 20 minutes" and he said "okay well can you do it as soon as you get home?" and then he said "wait no im sorry i shouldnt have said that. i should have said enjoy your meal and take your time" so i cant remember what i said in return but i think i jsut replied with "okay" and when we got in he car i noticed that google maps said that it takes 30 minutes to get home and i told him and hes like oh geez and stuff. so i did the drawing for him and yea. thats basically it. oh yea, i didnt mention why i havent drawn lately. i havent been feeling good (no im not sick) and i have just been feeling... used for the past week. bt dont freak out or anything, im fine... well maybe not and the reason why i didnt want to put this on youtube is because he subbed to me and i dont want him to see this. well, not like anyones going to read this, in fact some people might unfollow me for this, so yea. you might not see art until next week