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enhanced-operatives-division · 23 days

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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one #i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking #and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped #i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format #anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head #idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope #im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT #ieytd #john juniper #reginald crane #junicrane #starstruck #i expect you to die #<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that #the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH #also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two #make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL #GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga #thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry

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muqingapologist · 2 months

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in light of recent events i have decided that the original 5 books of the percy jackson series and the original 3 seasons of the avatar the last airbender animation are all that exist of those two respective intellectual properties. no sequels, no adaptations. any other production based off those two properties are just fanon for all im concerned. this is for my mental health. good day!

#i emotionally divested myself from these adaptations before they even aired bc i just knew deep inside they would fail me #but why stop there #why not also pretend that korra and heroes of olympus are also just fanfiction #and any other in-universe works #not that these works don’t contain good things #but these two original series are so perfect to me in their entirety #any extension of them just messes up something major #the adaptations are only the most obvious and expensive deviations #pjo #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #avatar the last airbender #atla #avatar #lily posts #crit

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weaverofink · 10 months

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AU where Tim's family is connected to the Court of Owls rather than Dick's, and Tim decides to go undercover as a member of the Court

alt version and explanation under the cut

(Disclaimer: I know the court of owls storyline happens in the n52 continuity, but for my own sake (as i don't really like tim's whole deal in it lol) this AU is using pre-n52 backstories and characterizations)

In this AU, Janet Drake was a member of the Court of Owls, unbeknownst to Jack and Tim. Bruce eventually finds this out, but chooses to keep it from Tim to protect him. Tim, of course, finds out that Bruce is keeping this from him, and, feeling betrayed both by Bruce and his own mother, decides to infiltrate the Court on his own. The court has been sending him cryptic invitations ever since Bruce announced his initiative to improve Gotham, looking for a way into both the Wayne family and WE. As a member of the Court, Tim is able to gather information to help stop them, but in order to maintain his cover, he is forced into many situations where he is forced to choose between compromising his morals or compromising his position in the Court.

#tim drake #red robin #batman #court of owls #dc comics #the court of owls #dc fanart #i haven't fully finished the court of owls storyline. it lost me when they said that the graysons were connected to the court of owls #like. tim is right there. he has a mysterious long-dead parent who was both rich and gone literally all the time #that's literally perfect for this kind of story!!!!! why did they have to choose dick for it instead????#anyway this AU concept kind of took over my entire brain the instant i started reading the story #the explanation is kind of long but i promise its even longer in my own head #i really do think an infiltration mission would have suited the court storyline best #bc then we could see all of the messed up stuff the court gets up to!!!#they have a massive torture labyrinth for god's sake!!!! give me some gladiator fights!!#give me some messed up human hunts a la the most dangerous game!!!#anyway. i might post more about this concept later #art #my art #weaverofink

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progressive-waves-art · 3 months

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A Very, Very Unfinished Pile of Theory of Everything Headcanons (Ayreon)

Last semester, my English final was a presentation relating the overall theme of the Forever saga to that of the more popular works of H.G. Wells. Details of that argument aside, the thesis was that Ayreon’s emotional core was the presence of small-scale acts of love juxtaposed against large-scale existential tragedy, balanced in their individual power. That we are messy and self-destructive, and in the grand scheme of things we mean very little in the universe, but we are resilient and alive and human and that has to be worth something.

I really like this aspect of the main story, and it got me a perfect score on that assignment. It had a ten minute time limit and I was fighting for my life to stay under it. While I was downsizing the script, I couldn’t help but think of an earlier idea I had drafted about how The Theory of Everything on its own was a really incredible example of the mad scientist archetype turned completely on its head (it was a science-fiction analysis class). Specifically how that script was almost three times longer than the original H.G. Wells one, that took me a solid twenty minutes to read aloud.

I literally wrote an hour long lecture about The Theory of Everything. No headcanons. No extra theories. Literally just picking apart its canon plot.

I think this is why I have so little extra writing for it. The story as its given is airtight and just…fucking incredible. Arjen wrote it with a very clear theme in mind like he did with Transitus, but TToE isn’t missing half of its story because he couldn’t pull in the cash to make a movie out of it. You can feel the intention behind every single character, they feel like real people, it has so many layers to it and it is literally, objectively, the greatest prog album ever made. Fight me.

But anyways: For lack of better phrasing, there isn’t much to “fix” in that sense. Almost all the headcanons I have for The Source or Transitus boil down to a few things:

I was being self-indulgent with a favorite character and it snowballed into a genuinely informative trait/subplot that informs the main story (a certain hc I have where Henry just fucking shoots Daniel in the back by mistake sometime between Two Worlds and Talk of the Town, turning into this weirdly effective commentary of how Daniel is conditioned to his brother’s shitty behavior and Abby hauling ass to get him out of that headspace)

I am curious about aspects of an album’s worldbuilding and get a little excited while filling in the blanks that were perfectly fine being left alone (doing mental gymnastics trying to build a version of The Source where these five academics, three politicians, two religious figures, one robot and one random spaceman viably know each other)

The rarer option that I am genuinely disappointed by how a part of the story was handled and completely ignore this small part of canon to make the overall story be more effective. Or attempt it, at least (Lavinia’s entire character undermining Transitus’ themes and her contradicting her own motivations, and me, in turn, just writing her character from scratch while keeping with the basic story beats [her seeing ghosts, doing shady shit with Henry, etc.])

But with TToE I’ve felt very little need to do any of these. If I were to really dive into it with intention I think I would start building off of the whole bank robbery plot in Phase III (just a slightly weirdly framed plot point for me), but I haven’t thought about it. It’s not that glaring of an issue and there’s few other places in the story where I think adding anything would make it more effective.

This isn’t to say that Transitus and The Source are objectively worse in any sense, but they leave a lot more up to interpretation, allowing me to write so many add ons that they become structured and essential to each other’s function.

It’s fun with those two albums. With TToE I really have to look for cracks to fill and it’s kind of useless.

Not entirely, though. I’ve got a few hcs, and maybe they’ll warrant dozens of google doc pages of context one day like the other two albums:

Two central things sparked curiosity. Setting, and how the parent characters came to hate each other that much. Naturally.

This started four-ish years ago when I was pacing around my parents’ house with TToE on the mind (as it often is), and my brother put on this show called His Dark Materials. I watched the intro to it all of one time and just…knew this was the aesthetic TToE should have.🔗 At least combined with dark academia. It’s an album about physics and ghosts, that seems reasonable enough.

…funnily enough, as I later found out, His Dark Materials itself has a very dark-academia-esque vibe, and the plot is entirely based upon the intersectionality between science and mysticism and trivial human attempts to make sense of it.

So. Pretty fitting.

This really stuck with me, and a handful of the characteristics of the show and books became the basis for the way I picture The Theory of Everything. Mainly the visual aesthetic, like I said, but also the fact that the story starts at a parallel version of Oxford University. I don’t have some giant case study for this like with Transitus/New England. I just think it’d be a cool and vibey setting. Maybe it’s the American in me but there’s something about a thousand-year-old college with a campus made of literal goddamn castles that borders on the fantastic.

From there, you have a decent excuse for The Prodigy to run off to Ireland, where you can choose from one of like 200 different pretty little isolated lighthouses for him to lose his mind in, far enough away for him not to be found as long as he did. Not to mention it lowkey matches with the overt Celtic influence of the music. Or Scotland, if you want some weather symbolism from the North Sea.

Solid setting, if I say so myself, and it actually influenced the family’s whole situation. Here, The Father (Mike) is a physics professor at Oxford, and The Mother (Cristina) is the director of the Bodleian Library. It’s how and where they meet in 1991 (though the mother is in an attendant position at the time), as shown by the only part of this I have drawn out:

They hit it off, and marry in 1993. Their first and only child is born two years later and they love him half to death. Everything is more or less nice and normal.

In 1996, Mike stumbles into “proof,” more or less, of the theory of everything being a singular, solvable equation through his work, practically by accident, and begins focused work on it with enthusiastic support from his wife. Life is going great, Cristina is promoted and the two are balancing things well enough.

The boy shows little to no social development into his toddler years, but his parents don’t think much of it. His father was similar at his age; they’re not worried. They even go as far to say he’ll turn out just as ambitious and smart as his dad and relatives, coworkers and family friends go along with it, setting insanely high expectations for this literal three year old. Mike keeps working on his theory.

The boy enters preschool at age four; still no improvement. Just isolates himself and draws indiscernible patterns on everything you put in front of him. His parents finally try to intervene to some degree, hiring private instructors and talking with some other psych/child development people they know through the university, to no avail. Nothing changes. He just stares off into space, doesn’t interact with any of them and supposedly doesn’t pay attention to lessons. He still isn’t speaking. Cristina is finally concerned

Around the same time, Mike makes a significant breakthrough in his work, gaining worldwide attention. He receives massive grants from in and outside of Oxford to continue his work, and quits his teaching job to make more time for the endeavor. Cristina is left as the family’s sole provider. She understands and is in agreement on that decision, that’s not the problem yet. The problem is that Mike is becoming more or less indifferent to their son hits five, not seeing any previously projected greatness he was supposed to have in his father’s footsteps. Cristina, much more conscious of balance in her life and how having kids works, isn’t sure what to make of that. Their relationship starts to strain.

From there, as Mike keeps working, Cristina takes the kid to all sorts of specialists around England but none of them can pinpoint what’s “wrong” with him. She tries much more actively to connect with him like they’re telling her to (though she still enrolls him in the university’s affiliated primary school program, against their suggestions), bringing him everywhere. Buys him little memory games since that’s all that seems to hold his attention. She’s past any belief of him being some secret genius like his dad, not that her opinion of her husband is super positive at this point anyway. She’s just dead-set on her son having some sense of normal in his life.

By 2002, Mike has completely secluded himself and works nearly constantly. He has made no progress on his theory since 1999 and the fame garnered from his breakthrough has faded. The family is running out of money and Cristina is exhausted. The boy is ostracized at school and still (almost) totally nonverbal. Her coworkers keep suggesting these weird holistic remedies that she refuses. She knows better than to fall for all that new age, pyramid scheme bullshit.

The son’s condition, whatever it is, worsens until mom, desperate, puts her foot down in 2008 (or “gives up,” if you wanna put it like that) and drags her husband and son to this private practice in Scotland she was told about by a friend, suspicious but ready to put up with anything at this point.

😐👍

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willkimurashat · 2 years

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Put that thing back where it came from or so help me💀

#why would someone try to mess with perfection??#i have no words #litg #love island the game #litg bobby #litg s2 #bobby mckenzie

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aurorangen · 7 months

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Share a random line of text from your current WIP or a line or two of dialogue from one of your characters. Do not give any explanation or context, and see what your followers think. Then, tag a few friends to keep the randomness going!

This is perfect timing @akitasimblr thank you for the tag!

? : My god she is so fucking annoying.

i'll tag @bloomingkyras @duusheen @druidberries @crescents-sims @astraykiel but feel free to ignore!

#ill let you guys think whatever #dont start hating on anyone yet!#so yeah this is perfect timing ana! i was planning my posts again!#i just think why did i rush the turtle post? if i could i would redo it #but i will make the next one fit in perfectly #i should focus now #stop messing with my reshade when #i could be making posts 😂#rambles #tag game

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coeluvr · 7 months

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Mc’s parents were probably good parents exactly because they were bad rulers, if you don’t really care for your kingdom’s well being you have a lot more free time to bond with all your kiddos☺️

Sometimes you can be terrible at both! *Looks at Luceris' father*

#coe answers #womenenthusiast2 #I write terrible people in every generation of this mess #this story goes so far back that's why I can never reply to “in a perfect universe” asks #bc if it was perfect none of these people would exist as they are

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liyazaki · 9 months

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things that just go together: women & suits, Vegas & electricity, PP Krit & gender envy, sunshine idiots & broody smarty-pants.

#hidden agenda #hidden agenda the series #kinnporsche #pp krit #wlw #women in suits #bl tropes #bl dramas #i was going to make this hidden agenda specific but it’s a sweeping statement i support #could zo be smarter than we think? sure #but i hope to the gay gods he isn’t #it would be a fun plot device but why mess w/ perfection #& let’s be fr: being a fucking idiot = queer representation

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mrbeeboi · 7 months

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That moment when fanart inspiration hits you like a truck while you’re supposed to be sleeping and you have work tomorrow

#anyway my brain is tryna get me to make an adventure time AU #because of course the fuck it is #obviously Tommy is Finn and Techno is Jake. Wilbur has Marceline written all over him #Philza is Simon and Mumza is Betty of course. no other way to have it #but now who then is Princess Bubblegum. that is the question ain’t it #I feel like Quackity is too… Quackity to be PB #but also who else would it be? I’m deligating Dream as the Litch because fuck him that’s why #Schlatt is King of Ooh that just makes perfect sense to me #or in the case of Quackity being PB Schlatt could be Gumbald #seriously though who’s smart and control-freaky enough to be PB? Eret?#that’d have some interesting implications on Wilbur-Marceline if we’re following canon Adventure Time that closely #on that note. who tf would be Hunson Abadeer? because it can’t be Phil #if I’m including Hermitcrafters maybe Grian? not because Grian is evil or anything #but because he causes problems everywhere he goes and isn’t exactly known for cleaning up his messes #also the pure chaos and the fact Wilbur’s old skins were based on Grian’s #bee buzzes #mcyt #wilbur soot #dsmp #hermitcraft

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seokwoosmole · 7 months

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Pro tip for any fantasy still recovering from the reality of this whole sf8 situation: what you DONT want to do is turn on YouTube at 4am and watch their entire Kpop Nation Warsaw performance, followed up by the music show performances of the songs they sang, and finish up by watching the video where they get their first win.

Consequence: Bawling your eyes out over a bowl of Count Chocula

No, I don't speak from experience. Absolutely not...Just giving sound advice.

#imma be honest #watching/listening to scream was so easy #but any other song #OOF #Without fail every single time I was like #oh that's Rowoon's part :(#and this isn't a knock to the other members at all #taeyang & dawon covered most of his parts and they did it so well!!#sf9 is one of the few groups where each member is so special & talented & integral to the group #yet if members are missing the other members have no issue filling in the gap #like they make u FORGET there is a gap like if I've never heard of sf9 & saw them perform I wouldn't think they were incomplete at all #like idk why it makes me so emotional cuz I went thru scream era fine & saw the delight tour and was SO FINE #like during that concert was I thinking boo hoo this would be so much better with rowoon here? NO!#I SAW THE 6 MEMBERS IN FRONT OF ME & IT WAS THE MOST PERFECT EXPERIENCE & I HAD NO ONE ELSE IN MY MIND #but in the back of my head I was like NEXT TIME they'll be complete...but ig now I don't have that to cling to #was it a bad idea to put myself thru that? probably #but I WILL be streaming their fancon & binseong will be back & idc that they won't see me #but I will not be a sobbing mess crying over a member who's not there anymore when 2 members who've been gone for so long just came back #that sounds harsh but its the truth so I needed to warm up #anyway buy ur tickets to fandora!!#sf9 #youngbin #inseong #jaeyoon #dawon #rowoon #zuho #taeyang #hwiyoung #chani

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selvepnea · 5 months

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Thinking about. That one post about art. And how it's never good enough. Since you're the one that made it. And how. It might relate to how I view myself?

#Sel talks #Like. Do I like the idea of a masculine body because I think it will make me less me?#I keep thinking about a line from “in stars and time” talking about. How maybe they changed because it was easier than learning to love #Himself as he was.#Keep thinking about something my therapist said last session. About how he would hope there's more restriction around accessing trans #Health-care than there is about getting a medical Marijuana card #And even if it comes from a place of good intent; is still a harmful idea?#I keep forgetting how much importance cis people put on transitioning. And it's just. Not? For me?#My body is just another form of expression for me to form and play with. And I feel like it might be hard to try and get someone who's #Not thought a lot about gender to understand.#I don't really want to lable it as “transitioning” either. My isat brainrot is wanting me to call it “Changing”; bit I'm not sure if that's #Quite accurate either. Like. We don't have a word for playing with different styles of clothes? Why do I need one for messing w other types #Of presentation?#Sigh...#I'm soooo tempted to just go on t and not do anything else. No name change. No sex change. And not tell anyone.#Why do I need to take into consideration how much my decision weighs on other people?#I feel like I've gotten too many reminders that “tomorrow's not promised” or “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives”#“Don't live wondering” or whatever that old lesbian slogan was. “We're all going to die so who cares if it's a waste”? Some will wood song #I'm listening to. I just.#Why am I waiting for the perfect opertunity to transition? Or change or whatever.#I've always considered my want to masculinise as me taking “be the change you want to see” either too far or too literally #I want to see men in dresses!! And if no one else around here is going to do it I guess that falls on me!#Why must I follow everyone else's path to t?? I want to make my own!#Grrr barkbark #I feel so underequiped to change the world; why must I do it?? Can't it just change for me??

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designernishiki · 9 months

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today on tumblr user designernishiki’s autistic-with-a-special-interest-in-psychology deep dives: dissecting the hell out of kiryu/nishiki’s childhoods and kazama’s parenting (or lack thereof) and how it all relates to their emotional development (or lack thereof). they will never be safe from my psychoanalyses

#childhood development isn’t actually an area I have a ton of experience researching which is part of what makes this intriguing tbh #because I was basically thinking a lot about how it makes alot of sense that kazama being a semi-absent father figure would result in kiryu #idolizing and idealizing him to the (objectively unhealthy) extent that he does. because he wasn’t around super consistently kiryu would #hardly get to see/experience his flaws and have healthy disagreements and blatant differences with him and etc all-in-all making it so he’d #never really gain emotional autonomy and come to see him as a full-on person rather than an anti-hero character he wants to emulate as much #as possible. and by the time kiryu does come more face to face with kazama’s flaws and moral greyness he’s already well past the age range #where you’re supposed to develop emotional autonomy and have the most neuroplasticity to do so and thus it’s much more difficult for him #to deconstruct the idolized figure of kazama in his head. not to mention kazama died basically just as kiryu started to be confronted with #kazama’s less-than-perfect actions and traits and etc so he can’t humanize him through in-person experiences #it’s. a whole mess #I should save it for the big analysis post and not these tags fhshdjsnd #nishiki may have to be his own post completely because I feel like I’d end up having to talk about why he absolutely reads as borderline to #me and why it makes a lot of sense that certain symptoms/maladaptive thoughts/behaviors grow to be so out of control eventually #I have many thoughts about that boy and I already have many many notes on his potential bpd and image issues in general #hoo boy.#rambling

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rmorde · 29 days

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While still on my 2HA high, I really want to talk about Chu Wanning's love for Mo Ran.

It is strange, isn't it? How deep his love goes when he only met little Mo Ran for a short while.

IMO, Chu Wanning is like Goj0 Sat0ru - the strongest but the loneliest. Everyone puts them on a pedestal which isolates them from building true connections with others.

For example, Xue Meng obviously loves and cares for Chu Wanning. However, he deeply respects and fears him too. He never sits beside his teacher when eating after all.

Coupled with Chu Wanning's temper and horrible social skills, he is an intimidating figure that would be really difficult to befriend.

Then little Mo Ran barges into his life. He disregarded all the social propriety bullshit and straight up demanded Chu Wanning to pay attention to him. He reached out and interacted Chu Wanning as a person - not some powerful figure to be revered and feared. For someone who has been treated as almost a "nonperson" because of his abilities for his entire life, that simple demand was special and kind in Chu Wanning's perspective.

So, imo, Chu Wanning is like Goj0 and Mo Ran is his "Get0". He loves him because, through sheer luck (aka fate), he is the first to see him beyond his powers and treat him as a real person.

So the next question then is when did Chu Wanning fell in love with Mo Ran?

I don't really know. In the beginning of the new timeline, Wanning is already in love with Mo Ran - he feels jealous of Shi Mei and feels wrong about having such feelings. I guess his love grew over time? Kinda like how Shi Mei and Mo Ran developed their feelings for him.

Maybe that's the case in 0.5 too but far more complicated. Chu Wanning loved Mo Ran. Fell in love with Mo Ran but never did anything about it because of Shi Mei. Probably fell out of love because of Taxian-Jun being Taxian-Jun. However, Chu Wanning's love for Mo Ran still endured despite everything especially when he realized his former disciple needed saving.

As for lusting after Mo Ran, I can only say poor Chu Wanning in the current(second?) timeline. The guy's already in love and ready to take his forbidden feelings to his grave. However, the soul fragment 0.5 Wanning put into him made him remember all his horrific experiences as an abused sex slave by Taxian-Jun... which he misinterpreted as wet dreams and triggered his lust. What a fucking mess. It would have been funny if it weren't so dark and depressing.

#would be reading erha again just to be a bit more accurate in my interpretation #maybe i missed something #however chu wanning is really fascinating to read and analyze #the guy is not a perfect saint - he is kind but he is definitely not nice #he is not a paragon of logic and wisdom either and he has plenty of dumb moments too... which makes him really human #i mean.. his complete devotion to the first individual that treated him as a real ordinary person (aka mo ran) is fucking insane #i can't imagine how messed up things would have been if chu wanning's devotion was directed towards shi-mei instead #also yeah... i saw those sex scenes in chu wanning's dreams as horrific and sad #i think i don't need to explain in detail why they are horrific right?#it is sad at the same time tho because wanning in 2nd timeline was basically getting a resonant experience of his other self's abuse #however since it's just a resonance: the intense true terror and horror of it was gone #which made the whole experience easy to misinterpret as a kinky yet embarrassing wet dream.. which wanning (2nd tymln) end up running with

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