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boxwinebaddie · 2 months

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what is the CD pet? i remember it being mentioned, but is it a dog?

how very funny you ask, lovie! because...someone a while ago asked me about a cd pet and i said, something like of 'maybe, who knows?'

me. ;)

i know.

skdhslkds

and shortly, you all will too, my darlings! for the sake of surprise and spoilers, i was just keeping the identity of the cd pet in the shadows.

which, speaking of shadows, it is the very first time that the citizens of a now very flooded and fucked up blondie's apartment ( minus marj ) arrive in the foyer of the crimson dawn manwhoresion, which again is this MASSIVE very gloomy and ominous sick-torian mansion with lots of cool glass skull door handles, old creaky floors and creepy portraits on the wall -- art of the dearly, or not so dearly, departed...dep(art) if you will -- except the interior has new electrical running through it so that the boys can still make pizza bagels in the air fryer and play legendary smash tournaments on their uber lux, big bucks, emphasis on big 98" flat screen tv...8k, ofc. ;)

anyways, they make it inside with what little luggage/personal shit they could salvage out of the wreckage of their Literal falling apartment, regrettably like half of kyle's really cool clothes are missing...i wonder if someone has things he can borrow...but ANWAYS AGAIN! when they walk in, jersey kyle sets down curb's carrier and suzie on sort of side table and is like 'holy fuck, i do naught like the feel of this place at all. this shit feels like something out of a horror movie, like i swear to gahd if some shit attacks m--"

aND RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT SOMETHING BODY SLAMS KYLE. like this herculean mass of energy, this strong, dark force runs at him at light speed, and is all over him. kyle is freaking the fuck out like oh my god this is actually a horror movie i am going to die, he screaming very girlish screams smh and then right when he thinks this supernatural monster beast from hell is going to gut him, somewhere off to the side, out of sight, the most threatening, frightening, authoritative and booming voice commands...

"sparky, sientate."

...and who is it, ofc...

but raven of crimson freakin' dawn. <3

who rushes over -- also this is irrelevant but i think he is in this sick colorful emo boy sweater and some ripped skinny jeans, you know, whore couture winter addition, he can be modest, you guys! -- and at the sight of him, this very large dog is immediately placated and ravenstan drops the scary dog training voice and is like "helllooo, sweet boy, mwahmwahmwah. besito besito besiiiiitoooo~ <33 :*"

i love ravenstan so bad, he's litrally so cute and an emo disney prince.

so sparky is just licking stan's face and being so sweet and we realize that sparky did not attack jersey to be vicious he just literally upon first glance liked him so much he wanted to say hi ksadhlsakd. amazing. kyle, however, hates most animals and drool and is a cat person and is like wiping his face with a hankerchief like fml.

and after a second, ravenstan rememeber, oh fuck, Kyle!!! so he immediately looks very worried and is like "i am SO sorry, jersey. he is super sweet, he just gets a little excited, y'know? are you--are you hurt at all? </3 here, take my hand, i'll help you up." all wide eyed

and jersey kyle aka crush era jersey my favorite period of time, is just looking up at raven of crimson dawn like he is a beautiful fake blonde eyeliner wearing apple cinnamon scented angel of death and...do yo know how badly kyle wants to take his hand? literally SO BAD. gay! down horrendous!!! but you know, he is a cold unfeeling husk and he does not like raven of crimson dawn! no way! i'm not dropping my mask in front of all these people, i am a loaded gun, i'm a weapon.

so kyle lifts his hand up like he's gonna take raven's hand and then at the last second, flips him off, rolls his eyes and is like "i've got it, ayshole." to which stan is like visibly disappointed for a second before Switching and shrugging doing the raven voice like 'suit yourself. you know, i like a man that's independent and can take care of himself." ;)

smhhhhh stan stop FLIRTING WITH KYLE IN FRONT OF EVERYONE LITERALLY NOT JERSEY TRYING NOT TO BLUSH LIKE!!! FOULLL!!

so important side note is that sparky is wearing...a pink bandana, ofc. which ofc, also means that he came from big gay al's animal rescue where curb also came from. and...sigh...so this is a small continuity error because i had al pretend not to know who the three people who paid blondie's rent were, but really all he said was that they didn't leave their names and ravenstan's voice sounded like heaven, which doesn't imply he....Doesn't know who he is.

and idk, was perhaps just keeping a secret for him...because raven actually does a fuck ton of volunteer work over there! hot boy shit! he is ofc, dressed like busted ass stan, but alas still v beautiful indeed. i think as a toolshed reference maybe spark got struck or nearly struck by lightning, he also has all that energy haha. stan basically foster failed him and he is ravenstan's emotional support dog and cd house pet, we love you sparky. that also means...drum roll pleaaaasee...

ravenstan knows curb! which is why curb got extremely excited to see him because ravenstan used to take care of him when he was in the animal santuary and stuff. so he quite literally heard stan's voice and was like!!!! aaaa!!! i missed you!!!! so cute omg reunited.

but yeah, they talk about that for a little...small world you know even for a big celebrity...kyle has sort of cute down horrendous gay daydream-y thoughts about how often stan must have come and go unbeknownst to all of them

( which he thinks is impossible because raven of crimson dawn's outfits are so shiny and tiny and scandalous that he has no idea how he could walk down the street without being noticed...but then, he's never actually seen stan look Normal and also...yeah kyle i bet you would be able to spot ravenstan a mile away and not be able to look away you gay ass bitch Stand Up!!!! )

and how cute he probably looks feeding all the lil critters in the pink shirt and like introducing little kids to them...also whether or not he rolls his sleeves up and how good his arms look...GO TO JAAAAAAIL.

but yeah! sparky! <3333 in my unpublished first draft boards i actually made a little section just for sparky.

final note: curb and sparky do hate eachother. they have shelter beef.

enemies to lovers, anyone?

-uncle nina, instigator of drama

#i'm gonna proof read this later i am lazy #but basically curb really liks raven and sparky immdiately really likes kyle but kyle is such a hater he's like control ur beast #i do think ravenstan looks cute in his big sweater and the jeans putting down his nightmare before christmas mug petting his big scary dog #he is my hero he is very cute to me #also after ravenstan did the scary command voice as a joke kenny raised their hand & said Is Anyone Else Bricked Up Right Now #and literally everyone raised their hands including jimmy like he risked falling over...ravenstan do not be raising his voice ever #but that was how he was taught to train most animals like someones mean scary mexican mom and it totally works #anyways NOT KYLE NOT TAKING STANS BEAUTIFUL HELPFUL HAND HES SUCH A FUCKING HATER #he wanted to so bad he was staring at it w such wide eyes for a second like omg he was worried abt me thats so cute hes so pretty and nice #aND THEN WAS LIKE EWEWEW YOU DISGUST ME GET A GRIP YOU FUCKING IDIOT YOU ARE PATHETIC STAND UP #goddamnit kyle will u be vulnerable for one second like he actually was bc hes actually pretty scared of big dogs he was very shaken #a small rm plot line is stan helping kyle get over his fear of big dogs bc sparky is so nice and kyle is wincing #and petting him with two fingers and is like...oh god it licked me...and stans like that means he likes you! he has good taste #raven stop rizzing kyle holy shit he cant take it #stan working at the shelter is so cute he totally does roll his sleeves up and his tattoos and biceps do look good #and he puts his hair back in the pink big als rescue standana and totally talks to all the cats and is like excuse me miss blossom #that was very rude to loki :( i think you owe him an apology!!!#and she meows back and loki scowls and hes like...now loki there's no need for that descaro papi!! >:O lets try that again #loki meows softly back and stan scratches both them behind the ears and is like amazing see all better <333 #something abt ravenstan knowing the same cats that jerseykyle does and them both just not knowing despite being so close together #and probably just barely missing each other everytime...the beautiful waft of cinnamon or a stan laugh sometimes...#maybe he wasn't being so crazy after all #SPARKKYYYY

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