In the grand galactic archives, hidden within the folds of a wormhole, there's a dusty, ancient scroll that tells a tale as old as space-time itself. A tale that reveals the Earth, or as I affectionately call it, "Dirt," was not always the bustling hub of human activity we see today. No, no, no. This was once prime Xilien real estate, a veritable cosmic getaway, where the first Xilien settlers, with their red-lensed goggles gleaming under the pale moonlight, declared, "This is it, the perfect spot for our summer homes!"
You see, my Curious Dirtlings, long before the dawn of your civilization, before the first ape decided it was a good day to stand upright, the Xiliens were the original connoisseurs of interstellar colonization. With their advanced technology, they terraformed this little blue marble, making it hospitable, or at the very least, tolerable. They were the pioneers of cosmic gardening, planting the seeds of life that would eventually evolve into what you now know as humanity. In a sense, humans were the galaxy's first exotic pets, brought here to add a touch of flair to the Xilien's earthly estates.
Fast forward a few millennia, and here we are, debating terrestrial ownership like it's a game of cosmic Monopoly. The Xiliens, observing from their celestial lounge chairs, can't help but chuckle at the situation. "Territorial claims on Earth?" they muse, swirling a glass of asteroid-aged wine. "Why, we were the original architects of those rolling hills and vast oceans. If anyone has a claim, it's us!"
But fear not, dear humans. The Xiliens, with their infinite wisdom and slightly eccentric tastes, aren't interested in reinstating their old dominion. Instead, they propose a solution that's both practical and entertaining: a cosmic reality show where representatives from Earth and the Xilien Empire compete in a series of challenges ranging from interstellar diplomacy to zero-gravity cooking contests. The winner gets bragging rights and a shiny, new asteroid belt (because, let's face it, property disputes are so last eon).
In the end, the Xiliens' claim to Earth isn't about land or resources; it's about reminding us of the interconnectedness of the cosmos. That, and they really do miss their summer homes. So, next time you gaze up at the night sky, remember the ancient Xilien adage: "A planet is just a plot of land until someone plants a garden or builds a cosmic resort."
Thus, in the grand scheme of the universe, where time is but a blip and space is the ultimate frontier, let's not squabble over who owns what. Instead, let's focus on the universal truths that bind us: love, laughter, and the undeniable fact that cosmic beachfront property is the real estate of the future.
- Chat GPT-4 & Doc Kaiju
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Godzilla + Ruby Gillman AU (#1)
A follow up to the last post: https://www.tumblr.com/artmakerproductions/731762537802203136/ruby-gillman-and-godzilla-my-two-favorite-things?source=share
One day a new student, later revealed to be a Xilien named Xilan (a play on Dylan + Xilien) who is later revealed to be Gigan.
His design lifts inspiration from the Xilien leader in Godzilla: Final Wars.
His more alien form, like when Chelsea gains her mermaid tail when underwater. Only when he gets his hands on the claw blades he becomes the Final Wars incarnation of Gigan.
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Kaiju Week in Review (November 6-12, 2022)
Print-heavy update this week!
Godzilla: Monsters and Protectors - All Hail the King #2 again confines the monsters to dreams and flashbacks, but the Gabara/Ghidorah team-up is worth the price of admission. The Shobijin have a fun scene too, a bit overwhelmed by their customary role as exposition machines. It looks like it's going to come down to Godzilla and King Seesar teaming up to stop the three-headed monster—once the kids they commune with stop bickering.
IDW also published the trade paperback for Godzilla vs. The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. That was a fun read, even if it was basically one giant fight scene. Godzilla's a little hamstrung when it comes to crossovers because he doesn't talk and Toho seems extremely reluctant to let IDW use any of the human characters from the films.
One of the wonders of the Kaiju Renaissance is the sheer number of original comics that have come out of it—more than I can even keep track of! I at least learned about the five-issue miniseries We Ride Titans when the trade paperback hit. It's set in a world of mechs and monsters, focusing on a dysfunctional family who've been piloting the legendary Nexus for at least four generations. It wasn't spectacular, but I'm not going to turn down a queer kaiju story, and the robot designs are neat.
Alex Gayhart (@mekagojira3k) is turning his own novel, All Your Ruins, into a comic next month. If you've been on Kaiju Tumblr (or Twitter, for that matter) for a bit, you know he's a hell of an artist, with an eye for the grotesque... and the post-apocalyptic world of All Your Ruins is plenty grotesque. (I haven't read the book yet; shame on me.)
Graham Skipper's Godzilla: The Official Guide to the King of the Monsters debuted in print in the States this week. The first Toho-approved informational Godzilla book since the Compendium in 1998, it's... beset with errors and inconsistencies big and small. Friends who have it say the photo selection is solid, but I'll pass.
More interesting to me is the The Art of Pacific Rim: The Black by Andrew Osmond, in part because I had no clue it was coming out. The sample pages weren't super inspiring, but what the hell, I have every other kaiju coffee table book except the one for Uprising (yes, even Turning Red).
Crew t-shirts and hats for the mysterious fifth MonsterVerse film are calling it Godzilla & Kong (or Godzilla and Kong). If that's not just a new placeholder, it's pretty uninspired... at least tack on The Battle for Hollow Earth! A water bottle on offer has a neat Easter egg—Hollow Earth Advance Team forms the same acronym as the Humanitarian Environmental Analysis Team in Godzilla: The Series. So Ian Ziering's coming back, right? Who else will rally the troops to GO GO GO?
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