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#yahtzees
notaplaceofhonour · 1 month
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inglorious basterds-like movie about a plot to kill hitler censored in the style of a tiktok
they have to “unalive” “Yahtzees” to get to “bad mustache man” but when they get to him they find he “kermitted sewerslide”
every time there’s a knife or gun on screen (every scene) text that says “⚠️ fake prop! ⚠️” appears next to the weapon
at a burlesque, “ADULT!” “⚠️ fake body! ⚠️” and “she’s wearing shorts!” pop up on screen with a translucent black box blocking any cleavage or skin above the knee
the characters are allowed to say slurs
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lenbryant · 11 months
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Read a book and get fired in Georgia.
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kaysdenofchaos · 4 months
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Battle Scars AU: Game Night
no context lmao just siblings being siblings
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Battle Scars AU Masterpost || Commission Info
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highlandkall · 6 months
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you’ve heard of Zero Punctuation but now get ready for
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Furry Ramblomatic
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bloodandtime · 1 year
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roommate!eddie pt 2
okay, finally posting part two to this. thanks for your patience on this!! been depressed busy lol also once again if this is bad i simply don’t want to know
cw:  18+ mdni, noncon voyuerism again (it’s still wanted, just not explicitly stated), (m&f) masturbation, wet dreams, accidental boners, eddie’s exasperated, drug usage briefly mentioned (it’s just weed), fem!reader, chubby/plus size reader implied!! um i fink that’s it. let me know if i missed anything. oh this is all in lowercase cause i suck lol this is also not really edited so godspeed to you all 
nothing drastically changed after the first incident. eddie had been more skittish than usual, which is saying something as he is a jumpy little thing to begin with.
he felt guilty for getting off to you getting off and he couldn’t very well tell you that, (well he could, but he doesn’t know he could). eddie could barely look you in the eye the first few days after, avoiding you at every turn. you thought he actually might implode when you ran into him in only a towel. 
he was out when you got in the shower so you didn’t bother with clothes. while there had been no ulterior motives that time, that’s not to say you didn’t start to tease eddie. 
you’d been holding off on jumping his bones because you had wanted to be sure he wanted you. sure, you’d heard him get off at the same time as you but maybe it was a coincidence. 
so when he finally started acting normal about two weeks later you decided to test the waters. 
you started off small. wearing a big shirt and no pants one evening. 
“everything okay?” you asked while floating around the kitchen, making dinner. eddie was frozen in the doorway, just getting home from work. 
you avoid his gaze, butterflies swarming in your stomach, heat in your cheeks. you know you’re right, you know he wants you but that doesn’t fix your insecurities. 
while moving back to the stove you catch eddie shaking his head, as if to wake himself up. his voice soon follows, albeit strained.
“yeah, sweetheart. i’m good.” eddie, was in fact, not good, “whatever you’re making smells great, i’ll be right back.” 
he zooms away so fast you’re surprised you don’t see a smoke outline of him in his wake. 
well, that was either a really great reaction or a terrible one continuing on with dinner, you don’t see eddie again the rest of the night. 
(he’s jerking off, but you don’t know that)
a couple days pass and he hears you get off again. he hasn’t heard you since that first night. He doesn’t know if you haven’t gotten off at all (unlikely) or if maybe it was just a one off thing that he heard you. maybe you usually wait till he’s not home, but he hears you tonight and you’re not exactly quiet about it.
he’s in bed, sat up against your shared wall, hand palming his cock through his boxers as he listens. through the wall you’re moaning so loud your voice rings crystal clear in his ears. he thinks about what you look like when you’re cumming, a sheen to your skin, chest heaving, a slick mess at the apex of your thighs. 
he imagines his cum dripping down your thighs and groans. that image of you is all the motivation he needs to shove his boxers down his thighs and start jerking off. he’s not kind about it, trying to get off at the same time as you. spitting into his hand, he starts a brutal pace, his other hand reaching down to massage his balls. 
as he jerks his cock, he thinks about you on top, the way you’d look holding down his wrists, using him as leverage to grind into him. your tits in his face, the feel of your tummy pressing into him as you lean down to kiss him. he whimpers, feeling himself teetering on the edge.
a high pitched whine reaches his ears from your room and that’s all he needs to fall over, cumming all over his hands and stomach, he works himself through it until he’s whimpering. what he doesn’t know is that you’ve heard him again too. leaning against your shared wall listening to him work his cock. 
you both sit there, in your respective rooms, out of breath and yearning for one another. 
days pass and eddie’s not as openly weird about it this time. he is able to look you in the eye and hold a conversation, which you think means some sort of weird progress. 
it’s finally your day off, and all you have planned to do is absolutely nothing. binging whatever show and lounging on the couch.
to be fair, eddie wasn’t home again so you weren’t originally trying to tempt him, but you did improvise. he comes home to find you asleep on the couch and he thinks he may just actually die. 
you’re passed out on your stomach, one leg hitched up, face squished against the pillow while snoring softly. you’re only wearing a shirt and panties. your shirt rests above the curve of your ass, the soft cotton of your panties on display. 
he comically bites his fist to avoid groaning as he makes his way over to you quiet as eddie can be, to try and rouse you kindly. 
eddie crouches down, knees to chest, his fingertips a breath away from your shoulder when you moan.
he’s immediately frozen again.
this cannot be happening, you cannot be having a wet dream.
your hips start to move as you let out a breathy sigh, grinding down trying to find friction. 
eddie leans his head to his knees and softly sighs, trying so hard to move himself away. leave the room and do the right thing and go. 
but he can’t, not when you look like this, not when you sound like this. so pretty and soft and sweet. so he lifts his head, watches and listens. 
his eyes rake up your body. your doughy thighs on display, and if he moves leans his head just so he sees the bump of your cunt. a gasp escapes him. 
you’re soaked, folds stuck to the fabric. he stares too long, burning the image in his mind. forcing his eyes away, he follows the curves of your body, takes in every inch of flesh exposed by your rucked up shirt. when his gaze follows the slope of your shoulder to your face he inhales sharply. 
your eyes are open, you’ve been watching him watch you.
“eddie,” teasing, voice sticky with sleep “what are you doing?”
he looks down, avoiding your gaze, brain racing to find an excuse. he doesn’t think sorry! was watching you have a wet dream will cut it.
“was just coming over here to wake you up, cause i didn’t want your neck to hurt after sleeping on the couch.” he says all in one breath, nails tapping a rhythm onto the coffee table absentmindedly. his eyes bounce around the room, avoiding. 
you roll over and sit up, legs stretching out in front of you. eddie sits on the ground, between the couch and the coffee table where he still taps a rhythm, facing you. 
“that’s sweet eddie, thank you.” you say, genuinely, smiling. he is kind, even though he’s telling a half truth. 
his eyes flicker back to you at your thanks, the rhythm stops. he follows the curves of your form to your face, once again.
stopping at your thighs squeezing together, to where your belly peaks out from your shirt, soft and plush, to where your tits rest naturally because eddie can’t catch a fucking break.
“so, how was work?” you ask. closing your eyes as you lay back down and stretch out, you softly moan. eddie feels his cock jump, he makes himself turn away.
“oh you know,” he’s can’t look at you, he’s breathless, “same shit, different day.” 
you open your eyes and nudge his shoulder with your knee, his band tee soft against your skin. 
“oh come on, eddie” you tease, “i know you have more to say than that.” 
he can’t help but laugh, meeting your gaze he flushes. 
“i get it. i talk too much.” sighing dramatically as if you’ve fatally wounded him, “i’m sooooo sorry,” he’s all sarcasm.
as he’s talking you lean up, scooting so you’re sitting with your back against the arm of the couch. you let your right leg fall to the floor, your clothed cunt now in eddie’s direct line of sight. he stares, not breathing.
you nudge him with your foot, playing dumb.”really? nothing else? no shitty customers? nothing about your annoying coworkers?” 
eddie scrambles to his feet, hands in front of his crotch, red in the face. “oh that reminds me! i offered to let my coworker borrow a book,” eddie stumbles as he walks backwards to the hall, squawking, he continues, “he closes tonight so i’ll just swing by now.” 
he’s speaking louder now, almost to his room. “i might actually stop by the store too!” there’s shuffling, a loud crash and several fucks! sworn by the time he finally comes back into the living room, book in tow. 
you’ve now pulled a blanket over you, dejected. turning your show back on, you wait for eddie to leave before you move to hide in your room. 
he doesn’t notice the anxious look on your face, so focused on getting out of there before i burst in my pants! 
eddie flies to the door, and tells you to text him if you need anything while he’s out. the door’s not even shut by the time you’re off of the couch, sulking back to your room.
eddie sits in his (newer) van to calm down before he leaves, unable to get the image of you out of his head. crushing on his new roommate was not in his plans. 
 he’s definitely convinced you’re flirting with him though so it’s not one sided, he hopes. he wonders if he should test the waters, see if you actually want him. 
what if you didn’t know your pussy was right in his face? he knows how ridiculous that sounds. 
he doesn’t want to get his hopes up, been the butt of a prank too many times that he catches himself mistrusing his intuition. 
although he’s grown, he can’t always shake his insecurities, but he wants to put himself out there. for you. his mind continues to race as he drives back to work. 
you, on the other hand, were wallowing in bed. you felt like you were being pretty forward. your pussy was in his face for christ’s sake! while the rejection hurts, you’re worried. maybe you  came on too strong? he seems interested in you, he certainly couldn’t take his eyes away from you.
smoking a joint and taking a bath to relax, you plot your next big move. deciding that if he doesn’t make a move this time. you’ll drop it.
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overlymellodramattic · 16 hours
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Everyone look at this Matt inspired hand bag I made from things I found at the thrift
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My hands hurt from sewing 😭😭😭
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time-woods · 1 year
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based off of a real event- i uh- dont know if i should explain.. lets just say, there might be mass amounts of salt in my carpet and bed...
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hier--soir · 4 months
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🕯️ hier--soir's 4k gothic 🕯️
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hey folks, somehow we've reached a point where there are over 4000 of you hanging out here and indulging my tomfoolery. so i thought i'd take a moment to say hi, say i love you, say i am endlessly grateful for this weird little corner of the internet, and i'd love to make some fun stuff to celebrate all that love + it’s a good excuse to write some little bits n bobs.
anyone who wants to play can send me something listed below, and i'll post it between mon 29th and sun 4th.
send as many asks as you like, just send them in separately please. if you request a fic, feel free to mention anything you don't want included in it [e.g. smut, gore]
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PROMPTS- ╰┈➤ 🫀send me this with one of these prompts about "devotion" + a character [or two if you like] from the list below and i'll turn it into a ficlet [200-1000 words] that is bizarre or dark or gross or scary [or perhaps a mix of all the above] ╰┈➤ 🧛🏼send me this with a trope you love, and i'll recommend a film or a novel i think you might like. ╰┈➤ 🥀send me this with a prompt for a moodboard. it can be for a fic you love, a novel, a character, a film, an idea, anything. ╰┈➤ 🕯️mutuals send me this and i'll make a gothic moodboard based on your vibe.
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CHARACTERS FOR FICLETS-
╰┈➤ joel miller
╰┈➤ ellie williams
╰┈➤ simon "ghost" riley
╰┈➤ johnny "soap" mactavish
╰┈➤ john price
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tagging some moots that i think might want to play in the mud with me...
@joelscruff @agentmarcuspike @swiftispunk @5oh5 @sweetercalypso @softlyspector @bageldaddy @netherfeildren @atinylittlepain @atticrissfinch @macfrog @undercoverpena @fish-fearme @daydreamingmiller @mrsmando @saradika @thetriumphantpanda @ohcaptains @frannyzooey
🦷🫀🦇🏰
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katapotato55 · 6 months
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A middle aged man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 6th of November 2023 is the day this man resigned from the Escapist. Though it was 16 years ago he was given a job, it is only today that he will be given a name. What will the name of this man be?
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ajaxgb · 6 months
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scottishmushroom · 5 months
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‘Tis the season to be hyperfixated.
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fairyshotgun · 3 months
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maybe one day I will tell this story if I have the time. It's about some lab experiment children who get access to YouTube and start filming their science dad's impossible non-euclidean laboratory
Red glasses kid is named Yahtzee no-arms blonde girl is named Juliet, she has a twin with a side shave named Rosalyn
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mycookie3 · 4 months
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words-and-threads · 3 months
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Larian really said "this man wants to be Machiavelli's prince but he has a charisma of 10 and at least one point of that is just because he's pretty."
Tav: how can you be a secret vampire when you're SO BAD AT LYING?
"I'm not a secret vampire," Astarion lies badly.
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capsfromtrek · 1 year
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hier--soir · 5 months
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ALP7 moodboard
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