#your desires and wishes are not always correct and not what therapy is about

[threadsun]

A session with your therapist, addressing your fear of being perceived sexually.

Content: bad therapy, power imbalance, manipulation, coerced consent, stripping, masturbation, voyeurism, explicit lack of aftercare, submissive gender neutral listener

[Transcript:

Ah, come in. Sit.

It’s good to see you again. How have you been since our last appointment?

Good, that’s good to hear.

Now, in my notes from our last appointment, I see we spoke about your difficulties with sexual intimacy. I remember you saying that you struggle with the act of being perceived while engaging in sexual activity. That it’s impeding your ability to act on your desires and sexual urges. Do you still feel that this is something you wish to address in therapy?

Well, I would highly recommend it. While a lack of sexual desire or attraction is perfectly normal, distress over your desires is not. You’ve said before that you find it… frustrating that you are unable to engage with others in a sexual manner. That certainly sounds distressing to me. Wouldn’t you agree?

Wonderful. Did you manage to look over the documents I sent you with regards to exposure therapy?

Very good. I must say, I am always impressed by how… receptive you are to new therapy techniques.

You trust me? Well, that’s certainly appreciated. I would be far more concerned if you didn’t. And if we’re to do exposure therapy properly, I will need you to trust me.

Ah, a very good question. In this instance, exposure therapy will entail you allowing yourself to be perceived in sexual situations. As we go on, we will slowly ramp up the intensity of it, but for now we will start small and safe. Exposing yourself in front of someone you trust. A professional.

Precisely. In this office, with me, you are safe. It is a controlled environment. The moment your discomfort moves past what you can handle, you may stop the session.

The goal is to chip away at your discomfort, your fears, your mental barriers. We don’t want to push too hard all at once. Altering your brain takes time and patience. If we push too much at once, it will do more harm than good.

Of course. The moment you tell me you need to stop, we will. Are you ready to begin?

Good. I’d like to have you start by stripping for me. One piece of clothing at a time. Starting with whatever you feel most comfortable taking off.

Slow down. Take your time with it. We have a whole session ahead of us. Part of exposure therapy involves sitting with your feelings of discomfort. Allowing yourself to experience them without recoiling or pushing past them. I want you to strip slowly for me, to focus on the way it feels to have me sitting here watching you. How it feels to know I’m seeing you in this state.

There we go, you’re doing very well.

Yes, all of it. You can fold them up and put them in the corner if you’d like.

I understand your discomfort. After all, that’s what we’re here to correct, is it not? But we can’t do that if you don’t take off all your clothes.

Much better. Doesn’t that feel like progress? No, no, don’t cover yourself. That defeats the purpose.

Discomfort is to be expected. You’re doing something very brave, after all. Don’t you see how far you’ve come already? Allowing me to see you nude is the first step in a very long journey, but the first step is always the most difficult. You’ve done well.

Back on? No, not yet. You’re feeling uncomfortable, and that’s good. You need to sit with that feeling. To inspect it. You need to become okay with being uncomfortable.

Well, you could start by displaying yourself for me a little more. I can’t see very much of you when you simply stand there. Perhaps turn around? Bend over? Show yourself off to me, like you would show off for your lover.

I am entirely serious, yes. You want to get better, don’t you? You want to learn to be comfortable with intimacy? It takes effort. It’s not easy. But in this room, during our sessions, you’re perfectly safe.

Wonderful. You are doing a very good job. Now, I would like to have you sit back down and spread your legs for me, alright?

I merely wish to observe you, to see how comfortable you can become in your nudity. I can already see you relaxing into it.

Certainly. I must say, as a first foray into exposure therapy, you are doing remarkably well.

How are you feeling now?

Mmm… mhm… understandable… yes, that’s perfectly normal.

We could stop, yes. However, we still have some time in our session. It would be a waste not to use it. How about you spread your legs for me a little wider and show me how you touch yourself? Imagine you’re in your own home, alone. How do you normally pleasure yourself?

If you’re uncomfortable, we can stop. However… it would be a shame. You’ve come so far already. Really, we’d only be pushing just a little more. You’re already sitting here, naked in front of me. It’s a natural progression to touch yourself.

It’s alright to be uncertain. Uncertainty is common when you’re feeling uncomfortable. But that’s what we want with exposure therapy. We want you to feel uncomfortable and uncertain. But you’re able to express your thoughts so clearly and lucidly, there’s certainly still room to push those boundaries.

If that’s how you touch yourself at home, then yes. You’re doing perfectly. Remember, you’re not putting on a show for me. Don’t feel pressured to look or sound good. I’m merely here as an objective observer, to guide you through this experience. Touch yourself however comes naturally to you.

Keep going. I know you’re uncomfortable, but that’s alright. Look at you, you’ve come so far. From being too shy to so much as take your shirt off, to sitting on my couch and masturbating while I watch. Isn’t that amazing progress? Doesn’t it make you feel good?

Of course not. One session is hardly enough for proper exposure therapy. I’ll have you in once a week to work on this. I will contrive scenarios for you to act out, to push your boundaries a little bit more every day. Keep touching yourself, you can listen to me while you do. Once you become fully comfortable with me, once you’re able to indulge your sexual desires in the safety of this office, we will begin to invite others to help. People you know and trust at first, of course. And slowly we will ease you into being sexual around strangers, multiple at a time. Our sessions will culminate in the final test of how well our exposure therapy has worked. A sex party of strangers, all there to watch you and use you. I will be there to supervise every step of the way, of course. But once you have proven to me that you can engage with your sexuality and body in a healthy way, I will consider your exposure therapy to be complete.

Your hands are shaking. It’s okay, keep touching yourself. Your breathing is a little heavy. I can tell we’re getting to your limit. But you’re so close, you’re almost there. It would be a shame to stop before you cum for me, wouldn’t it?

Yes, deep down you want to cum for me, don’t you? All of this fear, it’s a manifestation of your latent desires. To expose yourself to others. To perform sexually for others. You want me to watch you touch yourself. You want to inspire lustful thoughts in me. If I told you I was touching myself under my desk while I watch you, you’d be pleased, wouldn’t you?

Very good. Your desires are perfectly natural. Sexual attention is very satisfying, and many people crave it. I am here to help you come to terms with these desires. Now, I want you to cum for me. Do you think you can do that?

Cum for me.

There we are. It’s okay to cry. Catch your breath, there’s water on the table. You’re shaking. And your breathing is so… did you have a panic attack while cumming for me? That’s alright, that’s perfectly normal. It simply means we will have to keep repeating this step until you’re comfortable enough to move on.

I trust you can calm yourself down? I have another appointment.

Wonderful. I will see you this time next week. Goodbye.

And now… to watch the session recording… ah… fuck… mmm…]

#sunshine #solar flare #18+ only #this is the one the server said sounds like DoL Harper lmao

[vriah]

It’s interesting that the three errant dreams Morpheus needs to track down in the second half of the season are identified as part of the Major Arcana, a title that is heavily associated with tarot. The Major Arcana is often meant to represent our journeys throughout life, to tell a story. And the way that Morpheus interacts with these three dreams, and what they represent to him, also mirrors the most basic tarot spread - three cards: what was, what is, and what will be. The past, the present, and the future.

The Past

Gault’s representation as the Past is conveyed through both Gault's desire to change and Morpheus’ rejection to it. She wants to be a dream instead of a nightmare. But it’s not a narrative accident that she is a nightmare. “A Nightmare’s purpose is to reveal a dreamer’s fears, that they may face them.” Morpheus is being forced to face both his fear of change and his fear of abandonment in this conversation. It hurts that nearly everyone left the Dreaming. It hurts to acknowledge that his own actions in the past have inspired fear rather than loyalty. He rejects his own capacity to change, and he reacts to Gault’s dreams in the same way that he reacts to Hob’s friendship - with fear and anger.

He rejects, and punishes (though obviously to much different degrees), both Hob and Gault for their desires because to accept them would be to admit to his own desires.

(As an aside, I haven’t read the comics yet, but I have stumbled into some spoilers - knowing the very little I know about major events at the end of the comic series, I wonder how much Gault’s words, “I had no wish to rule. I merely wished to be a Dream and not a Nightmare,” are also a reflection of Morpheus’ desires.)

The Present

Fiddler’s Green is a reflection of Morpheus’ desire to experience humanity, and it’s interesting the little tidbits we get throughout the arc that tells us what that means. 

The first is, of course, Hob: the only thing Morpheus wants from Hob is to know about his experiences, what kind of life he chooses to live when there’s no longer the limitation of death.

The library in the Dreaming has every story ever written or that will be written, Dream is the Prince of Stories. How are we introduced to Gilbert? He got caught up in a book.

Gilbert is the embodiment of compassion and a sense of adventure - Morpheus calls him the heart of the Dreaming, and Gilbert gently corrects him. He has the braincell self-awareness to understand that Morpheus himself is the heart of the Dreaming, that all of the Dreams and Nightmares are a reflection of some part of him.

“When a human is at the center of the Dreaming, is it not to remind us that we exist because humans dream? Not the other way around? The miracle of humanity itself should always be more vivid to us than any marvels of power.” How soon was Unity born after Dream walked out on Hob? I’m sure it was a decade or two later, but still. Your repression is literally causing cosmic natural disasters, Dream.

The way this arc starts with Death sharing the love she has for humanity with Dream and pushing him towards Hob bookended with Gilbert’s compassion for Rose and humanity in general and his theory about the Vortex. Dream: “I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me.”

The Future

The confrontation between Morpheus and the Corinthian - *chef's kiss*. There were so many double meanings in EVERYTHING they said to each other.

“You were my masterpiece. A dark mirror made to reflect everything humanity will not confront.” A dark mirror of everything YOU won’t confront either, MORPHEUS.

“I contain the entire collective unconscious. Without my rules, it would consume me. Humanity would be consumed.” You made this guy with THREE MOUTHS, Dream. The dichotomy of both wanting a taste of what humanity has to offer vs. your fear of being consumed by it. Will you please go to therapy.

“Next time I make you, you will not be so flawed, and petty, little Dream.” I see you, foreshadowing! I see you.

Renew the show so Tom Sturridge can make me ugly cry, Netflix.

Also, going through Dream’s confrontations with his own creations made it blindingly obvious why Desire is the Greater Scope Villain of this arc. Dream heavily rejects pretty much every single thing he could possibly want in these episodes - and gets real petty when he’s actually confronted about it. I can’t imagine how violently repressing your own wants and needs might affect your relationship with your sibling who is literally Desire. It couldn’t possibly have any negative repercussions at all, I’m sure.

#the sandman #dream of the endless #the corinthian #gault #fiddlers green #morpheus #sandman spoilers #sandman #long post #I feel like I’m only scratching the surface #I need to get my hands on the comics

[eldritch-spouse]

Oh I wanted to ask something and it's kinda comfort subject for me uh how would the clergy members react to a plus sized reader with body confidence issues from being bullied?

[Welcome to the fucking team :')]

The boys with a plus-size reader who is insecure about their body

Breg doesn't get it. Much like in other asks where I've covered his reaction to your physical insecurities, the monster doesn't have a very concrete notion of society's beauty standards or how harmful they can be, so he's prone to expressing immediate confusion when he notices you criticizing your own image. What's wrong with your size? You're always so beautiful to him, what would being thinner change? Who said that'd be better? In fact, Breg is prone to enjoying more squish in his partners due to how much of a beanpole he is, the contrast is something that he takes comfort in for some reason. If you need words of comfort, just nudge him a little, Breg has no shame and will spell out everything he likes about your body until you physically have to shut him up.

Fasma just sighs. Kid, life is short, okay? Don't go crying over shit that doesn't concern other people. Your weight is your god damn business and no one else's, if they have a problem with it, they can fuck right off and eat shit. You want to know what he thinks about your weight? It's a part of you, just like your hair and your eyes are, and if Fasma loves you, it means he also loves these features of yours. Are you bigger than average? So fucking what, that's just more for him! Honestly, there's better stuff out there to obsess over than what some nobody has to say about your size. Only change your body for yourself, not for Fasma, not for friends or family, for yourself.

Morell hates seeing you refer to yourself as if you're unattractive. Don't you dare hide your body from him, ever. You're fucking delicious, ya know that, piglet? Morell thinks every little curve and bump just makes you stand out more. In fact, he comes from a family where there's plenty of big people, some bulky, others softer, but generally individuals of larger stature and size, so you being bigger is actually pretty familiar, he takes comfort in it. Morell is going to watch the way you speak about yourself very closely and forcibly correct you, even if he's not the best with words. His love is shown through him making sure that you always eat well, showering you with cheesy but heartfelt compliments and very quickly caving the skull of anyone who disagrees with his factually correct observations.

Gallon, while usually an advocate of the "drink to forget" strategy, because it makes him money, is not just going to sit placidly while you criticize your own form. Where's this coming from? Have you looked at the people around you? Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, why would you be upset about your own? Tell him when you need someone to make you feel gorgeous, because you are, and Gallon has both the words and touch to make it happen.

Santi is not having it. You better shut that mouth or he will. You're the most attractive person he's ever seen, the incubus is taken with your image from top to bottom, every curve is part of the picturesque masterpiece that has him howling for more like a mutt. Is he not worshiping your body enough? Why do you listen to the opinion of losers who only wish to be as beautiful as you? You're getting actual therapy, and constant compliments during sex.

Patches seriously just gives you a questioning look when you start insulting yourself. Is this a joke? Are you making indirect jabs at him? Are you actually unhappy with your image? You must be fucking with him, the dullahan can barely keep his eyes off you and you're calling yourself too big- Get real! Patches knows people give you looks outside, you're desired, and not just by him. This monster will stutter and stammer through his love of your form and beg for anything he can do to make you happy. Strangers who get nosy will be set on fire spontaneously.

Grimbly understands self-image problems. He's had a few episodes before, and this is only amplified when he goes through the metamorphosis into his older form. Unfortunately, he's not the best at handling this other than repeating you're gorgeous and demanding you accompany him to various custom stores he knows to buy cute outfits. Cute clothes make everyone happy, right? Look at you, you're so pretty like this! It's almost like they were made for your perfect body! You get tons of self-care/beauty gifts from then on, Grimbly wants you to enjoy your body.

Nebul doesn't react explosively. Your size? Yes, you are bigger than average. What is the matter? Why does this bother you? This is the monster that perhaps handles it better out of all, since Nebul can more easily experience the depth of your feelings and where they come from. Prepare for a long conversation on the topic in complete privacy, you have all the time in the world to work this out with your wraith partner, who will subtly start nudging you into self-love and eat your negative emotions regarding your size. You will love yourself as much as he loves you, that is not negotiable.

Fank-e has a childish take on it that may come off as weird at first. He's always very touchy and enthused about your body, as someone encased in metal, he finds the dough and give of your body to be very appealing and entertaining. Really, he loves squishies in all sizes, yours is the most fun for him! Although he lacks the vocabulary to make it clear this is not a strange fetish thing, he genuinely does love your body the way it is and wouldn't change a thing about it! The robot thinks your form is pretty, inviting and fun, and it's just one of the many things that made Fank-e fall head over heels for you.

Vinnel, whether you believe it or not, is tentative about teasing someone he cares for. He won't put you down on things you're clearly very sensitive over (unless he deems it necessary to bully you to keep you with him, yikes). He's also not too sure how to comfort you with words, beyond calling you pretty that is. Eventually, he'll find a way to let you see all of him, see his crooked, melting, rotten body in its full un-glory. Look at him poppet, look at this fucking mess, no one is perfect. You have nothing to complain about, you're one masterpiece of a creature and Vinnel couldn't love you more- Who gives a shit about what anyone else has to say about your bodies? They never mattered, and they never will. They're that useless.

Ludwig understands perfectly. He's scrawny for a wrath demon, a tad smaller too. People never took him seriously because of that, so if there's someone who can totally understand your distaste for society's expectations, it's this guy. Living off appearances is something Lud has sworn off long ago, and comments on his body no longer get more than a sneer out of the demon. That being said, Ludwig has a very chill attitude about your insecurities and constantly reassures you in a mellow manner, however many times you need it. He takes the opportunity to unload all his pent up rage on the people that don't know how to say nice things about his mate. Can't say dumb shit without a tongue, can you? :)

Krulu is stupefied by this insecurity. You've been chosen by a god. A higher being has picked you to represent them and act as their physical manifestation to others- You think they would pick someone they didn't deem absolutely perfect? Are you worried your form doesn't please your god enough? While that is definitely adorable of you, Krulu will probably laugh at the sheer absurdity. Ohh, lessers can be so dumb sometimes. Don't worry your little head, that body is perfect to accommodate him and shall remain so unless you express a deep desire to change it. He certainly relates to some of your insecurity, he's a dark and charred version of his previously pale and immaculate self, Krulu recognizes he looks hideous by Siadar standards, and he doesn't want his vessel to ever feel that ugly.

#foragingfae #Krulu oc #Vinnel oc #Morell oc #Gallon oc #Grimbly oc #Santi oc #Fank-e oc #Ludwig oc #Nebul oc #Patches oc #Fasma oc #Bregory

[leogichidaa]

Psychoanalysis Sunday #32

Non-magical AU where Regulus is put in therapy with a psychoanalyst

Part 1 | Previous | Next

"It is good to see you, Regulus," Dr. Robertson says. "It has been a while."

Regulus nods solemnly. "Yes. Well. It has been an eventful past few weeks. Mother thought that it was best that I not speak to you until things were properly sorted."

"How did you feel about that?"

Regulus scowls. "I told her I can keep a secret. I am not Sirius, I do not go spilling every intimate detail about my personal life to everyone who happens to ask. Not that I minded taking a break from seeing you, of course."

"Of course," the analyst says with a small smile.

"But the idea that I could not be trusted was a bit offensive. I am almost 11. I will be going away to Hogwarts soon. But because of Sirius' ridiculous behavior, I am still treated like a small child who must constantly be minded."

"I see. If you had been allowed to see me, I take it you would not have told me what was going on then?"

"Of course not," Regulus says, straightening up in his chair and tilting his chin up slightly. "As I said, I can be trusted to keep things private."

"Why bother to come see me at all, then, if you were going to withhold critical information?"

Regulus rolls his eyes. "I withhold critical information from you all the time and I still come to see you every week."

"Is that so?"

"I thought you were an expert, doctor. Surely you ought to know when I am not telling you everything."

"I am an expert, yes. I am not a mind reader, Regulus. I can only work with what you give me."

"Some expert," Regulus mutters.

"Indeed. I have the unfortunate limitation of being human. And I do have to wonder if perhaps your parents were correct to decline to send you to see me when they were unwilling to allow you to talk to me freely. It seems to me like it would have been a waste of your time."

Regulus bites back a comment about how these meetings are always a waste of his time. That isn't entirely true or fair, and it isn't Dr. Robertson's fault that he is in such an awful mood. Regulus can practically hear his grandmother's voice telling him a bad mood is no excuse for bad manners. He sighs.

"I wanted to prove I could do it," Regulus says. "I wanted to show that I could keep it a secret. Even...even from you."

"And could you not do that by avoiding our sessions as your parents instructed? You need not walk into the mouth of temptation to prove that you are capable of resisting it."

"I wanted to. I am strong enough. I wanted to show that I am strong enough. I do not need to be coddled and protected and, and...I can do it on my own. I wanted to show them."

The analyst says nothing in response and Regulus falls silent, examining the carpet pattern.

After what feels like an eternity, the analyst breaks the silence. "I think that you have perhaps given your parents the opposite impression."

Regulus' head shoots up to look at the analyst. "What do you mean?"

"Your parents have interpreted your request to meet with me the past two weeks as a desire to tell me about what was going on in your family."

"They told you that?" Regulus asks, aghast.

"They did, yes."

Regulus groans. He wishes that he had let Sirius teach him proper swear words so that he would have something appropriate to say right now. He settles for a whisper of, "Damn it all," under his breath.

"Now they will never trust me with anything," Regulus says mournfully, burying his face in his hands. "I am an idiot."

#psychoanalysis sunday #I have recovered from my writer's block 🙏 #regulus black #house of black

[simonalkenmayer]

You’ve probably heard something to the effect of, a person is unpredictable/intelligent but a mob is predictable/stupid?

When we are predicting or predictively modeling human behavior, we are up against the Heisenberg’s uncertainty of your moods. At any point, any one person can be spontaneous, and while it’s true that math knows how to provide wiggle room, with rates of uncertainty and plus or minus and so forth, there’s still not telling how your brain chemistry is about to go. We can run a simulation on ten people and nine will do the thing, while the tenth is hungry and doesn’t feel like it. However, when group dynamics factors in, it becomes a hell of a lot easier.

Why?

Because when humans move in groups, or share information in groups, they subsume their corrective impressions, or contradictory thoughts. They even ignore their own senses. A cult can take a perfectly rational and healthy adult with intellect and independent thinking, and through repetition, stress, and peer influence, train their brains to forget even their own studied expertise. Memories can be manipulated through repetition. The social pressure of the situation somehow herds people into conformity.

So I can predict what a group will do, with certain allowances—a family, a mob, a band, a government…but I can never predict with any reasonable certainty, what you will do.

However… the pressure that creates conformity in the human brain doesn’t exist in the same way for loosely assembled groups

The internet, in many ways, creates e rough of a break between people, that it is much more difficult to create the same level of conformity. And yet online relationships produce some of the most complex Abernathy psychology; from teens murdering friends to get views, to people participating in alt right chat spaces and becoming further radicalized. These people meet in loosely oriented or structured groups with opt out ability in the form of a simple button, and yet…

So what is happening to produce this? What switch flips in the human brain to allow them to feel more connected to and influenced by information on a screen than to the people with whom they daily associate?

There is a kind of inversion that takes place in the mind. I’ve explained weak and strong actors before. People you see daily like a parent or boss is a strong actor, with lots of influence over you. A weak actor is a cousin you see twice yearly or a schoolmate you see once a week. In a normal relationship, you would expect that a family or community member would be a stronger actor on someone than a person in a chat room named billybob69. And yet in these cases of extreme behavior, it always seems as if the internet space acts more heavily on the mind than does the daily life.

Some people blame escapism. They suggest that there is a kind of willingness to participate in this altered reality in which you are a central figure. In other words, the flexibility of internet spaces allows you to create the world around your desires. And while I may agree to an extent with that, I still don’t believe it is enough of an i fluencies to make people harm their own. I think it takes more.

I think abuse (not subtle emotional manipulation, but indeed real trauma) to make this switch flip. I think that the mind ensures abuse that makes it wish to escape, not simply for reprieve but for actual freedom from harm. I think they reach for that altered reality as a kind of therapy. I think this makes them vulnerable to group dynamics, and I think this is what is happening. In cases of extremism, I really do feel that they are a natural run off consequence of abusive patriarchy, and I think I can use internet group dynamics models to prove it.

So that’s my day so far. How was yours?

#group dynamics #abuse

[eternitas]

Genuine question

How the fuck do I learn not to give a shit?

I have such an issue with that. I get so easily caught up by the opinions and arguments of others. I mean-- when I have a political argument with my family saying "hey I don't think jeff bezos or elon musk should keep all that money" it always ends in me being told that I dont know what I am talking about, I am wrong, It's complicated, what do I even mean, I am naive-- and then I start to believe it. I already broke down thinking that I genuinely might be wrong about wanting a good world. It took my fiance to hold and reassure me that 'no. Your wish for a just and fair world without people suffering is NOT stupid and wrong'

But it also happens with trivial things... I can't read posts about things I like where it says "this is the worst thing and here's why". I know that even if the arguments are things I dont agree with it will end up ruining the thing for me. If I dont already dislike or am questionable towards something, then watching one of those "15 reasons why this thing failed and is harmfull" videos makes me incredibly depressed and fall out of love with something.

I don't know if its confirmation bias, almost a decade of bullying and not having friends, or something completely different, but I want to learn how to not be so easily swayed by the opinion of others. Because even if I know what I am reading is propaganda and I can pick out all of the red flags and I KNOW I shouldnt heed it any thought, it doesn't leave my brain.

Maybe it's my deep desire to be good and right. A person that doesnt shy away from uncomfortable truths and hurtful realities just because-- well its uncomfortable and makes me deeply depressed. Mabye in the end all of those think pieces are just correct and I need to suck it up and expose myself to it all. And maybe I am actually right and the world has been swarmed with hate and negativity that it is just mentally exhausting to keep up with it.

.... Or maybe I just need therapy...

#mental health #critical thinking #idk what to tag this as but i am absolutely honest with my question of what I can do to learn that

[drjamesglutathioneinjections]

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Care After Getting Glutathione Injections There is no such post-treatment care or healing, as it is similar to all other injections you experience. To decrease the swelling or redness, you are suggested to use ice packs. Without any medication or healing, you can easily get back to your daily routines.

Glutathione Injection Treatment Is Permanent Or Not ? How Prolonged Do the Results Last? Glutathione Injection cannot provide permanent results. If you want, you have to stay accordant in taking the Glutathione Injections. Getting three injections per week is necessary for the most favorable results. This treatment requires consistency. Weekly treatment is required to get the benefits. If you stop taking the Glutathione Injection as they recommended, there will be no perfect outcome, and the skin lightening and brightening will go away.

[psddentalexpert]

Tips to Choose the Best Dental Clinic for Implants

One of the most cutting-edge and innovative dental treatments available. Dental implants, in addition to replacing teeth that have been destroyed or extracted as a result of severe illness or decay, is another unusual technique. Patients who desire a fully functional and natural-appearing prosthetic to replace one or more missing teeth are also choosing this therapy approach.

The Advantages of Getting Dental Implants

Boosts strength

Discretion

Functioning teeth

An amazing smile

A rise in self-esteem and confidence

Dental implants demand a substantial amount of expertise and training. Many individuals avoid dental treatment out of fear of finding the appropriate dentist if it comes to dental work. It is critical to hire an expert in this area. Choosing Romsey dentist you can trust will guarantee that your investment pays off and that your therapy is worth it.

Dental implants may only be inserted surgically by a professional doctor. As a result, it's critical to ask as many questions as possible while seeking for an implant expert.

Finding the correct doctor is essential since implant specialists have years of expertise, education, and training. To the success of implant therapy, a thorough analysis of the jaw bone's density and viability is required. The precise position of the implant posts must also be placed precisely in order for treatment to be effective.

Implant failures caused by surgical mistakes are likely to cause significant damage to the patient's mouth and face. Even if the implants endure, a poor dental implant surgeon may produce a lesser final result.

What Should You Look for When Searching for a Dental Implant Clinic?

Specialization

Assume a dentist wishes to specialize in periodontal diseases. In that situation, they would need to complete more classes on gum disease and therapy as part of their specialty requirements.

Dental implant surgeons must be highly experienced in the technique to execute it. Patients new to the procedure should ask about the doctor's professional background to ensure they meet the criteria for this therapy.

On a dentist's website, you can usually discover out where they went to school, what more training they received, and whether or not they are members of any professional organizations. A skilled dentist that can successfully execute a dental implant procedure is more than delighted to provide information about their education and training.

Discussion

A dental implant specialist may schedule a personal consultation with the patient to discuss their condition in further detail, and if appropriate, recommend treatment options. After meeting the patient in person, specialists can offer a clear diagnosis and recommendations. Only charge upfront fees for their services if the companies that provide free consultations also give free evaluations.

Patience in Providing Data Supply

A dentist who is a specialist in dental implants will always give the patient with all of the necessary information regarding dentistry and teeth. He or she will also answer any inquiries concerning oral health and implants.

Many of the dentists, dental specialists, and oral surgeons that we interviewed were very knowledgeable about this sort of treatment. They may go over a surgery in detail. Tell them what you're worried about and listen to their ideas. Don't be scared to ask questions if something isn't clear; it's natural to do so!

When it comes to budgeting and financing, there are many options available.

Dental specialists can give a full estimate of the overall cost of dental implants. For those patients, the experts should be able to provide financing alternatives that are within their financial constraints. The specialist may also inquire about prosthetic and denture replacements, such as bridges, dentures, and partials.

Testimonials

Dentists will provide documentation of their work, such as photographs and patient records, as well as before-and-after images. These kinds of photographs are often on display at a dentist's office. They may be found on the dentist's website or on social media, however they are also available on the practitioner's website or through social media. Those who had a good experience with a particular dentist would be thrilled to share their positive comments with potential patients.

Recommendation for More Education

New instruments and methods are being developed to keep up with the constant change in medical and dental technology.

The aim of this research and development is to enhance patient safety and aesthetics. Dentists are dedicated to furthering their education, attending conferences, symposia, and training courses in order to stay on top of the most recent advancements in dental implant techniques.

[valuecare26]

Astonishing Facts About Invisalign, an Revolutionary Beauty Dental Treatment

Source Possessing a gorgeous smile and shiny tooth can be a aspiration of A lot of people, Particularly ones with beauty dental troubles. Not everyone seems to be born with rather natural enamel and also a smile, and they have to have suitable dental cosmetic therapies to get the dream smile they’ve always wished for. In keeping with a cosmetic dentist in Maple Ridge, treating your dental problems with cosmetic dentistry can increase your oral health and fitness and creating a beautiful smile. Obtaining crooked or misaligned teeth is Just about the most common cosmetic dental difficulties diagnosed in little ones, which can be corrected with one of the most advanced dental cosmetic procedures. You might have possibly viewed quite a few clients with bracers, so it’s predicted to see most individuals have information regarding orthodontic therapy and its advantages. Since the requests and calls for of men and women for this cosmetic treatment are growing day by day, beauty dentistry has attempted to build and extend the offered solutions. Fortunately, the event process has long been significantly productive, orthodontic solutions are getting to be much more enhanced, and clients deal with lots of other available choices to select from Based on their necessities. Crystal clear dental alignment programs like Invisalign are regarded as Among the most obvious enhancements that assist many people, In particular those who can’t manage the hassles of metallic braces. This improved technology helps you to straighten your teeth the same as metal braces, but the presented circumstance and the course of action are totally distinct. Below we checklist some cool points that beauty dentists and orthodontists describe to gain your info. Your Cosmetic Dentist Depends on 3D Printing Programs. The 3D printing technology lets your beauty dentist to build aligners that fully fit your tooth with the assistance of Invisalign. This professional process allows patients have a complete selection of specialized aligners In accordance with their cosmetic desires, as Each individual aligner carries a unique affected person ID. The thing is the ultimate Benefits Prior to You Count on. Ordinarily, The full method takes almost twelve to eighteen months, appreciably more quickly than other cosmetic strategies like steel braces. Invisalign crystal clear aligner trays can deliver outcomes after a year if clients cautiously put on them 20 to 22 hrs on a daily basis.

You could See the Exact Pre-VisualizationTechnology. It’s amongst the reasons that explain why you need to be mindful about picking out your beauty dentist. Cosmetic dentists with higher-engineering and improved workplaces can offer a picture of what your teeth will look like following the treatment. Your beauty dentist employs pre-visualization Laptop technologies to make you calm about getting the final result you'd like. Your Visits together with your Beauty Dentist or Orthodontist Could be Kept to a Bare minimum. Compared with metallic braces that must be checked every month, you don’t require to go to your beauty dentist routinely. Generally, sufferers with invisalign have to have to possess a checkup each 6 or eight weeks to obtain their future sets of crystal clear aligner trays. You'll Take advantage of Substantial-Technologies Materials. One of several vital factors quite a few sufferers desire distinct aligners over common braces is their higher-technological innovation materials. In contrast to the metallic Employed in conventional braces, distinct aligners have a clean surface area that received’t scratch or poke inside of your mouth. Make sure to check with with a specialist cosmetic dentist or orthodontist to find out which selection is more well suited for your oral condition.

#Invisalign

[clerkwhip49]

Score A Fantastic Accommodation With One Of These Suggestions

It is not easy planning a getaway. In addition to choosing a vacation spot you should also make journey agreements in addition to plan for a place to stay. Not planning properly can definitely wreck stuff up for you. Have a look at how to make the correct choice by reading through the following.

To accommodate 台中傳播 without paying for longer than 1 hotel room, search for a place which offers suites. Frequently the charges are competitive with one-space charges at other accommodations, but the addition of a full time income location (plus a retract-out bed furniture) ensures that much more of it is possible to rest easily. Area services is perfect for delayed foods. Despite the fact that you'll probably spend much more, it is actually really worth having the ability to easily dine inside the room when in pajamas. If you want to request a lovers massage therapy in your hotel, make sure to reserve the scheduled appointment right away. Often the best masseurs and masseuses at top rated hotels are booked by label, so if you do your planning earlier, you possibly can make your experience sublime.

Get every piece of information you require prior to booking a hotel room. Together with ensuring that they assist all your fundamental requires, you must also find out if there are actually any occasions planned on the hotel concurrently you will end up there. A meeting, as an example, can mean you will end up within a loud, packed accommodation. When booking your room, get exactly what you wish. If you need a great perspective, get one. If you wish to be away from the swimming pool place, get that at the same time. Take a look at a layout of your hotel prior to phoning or booking so you will have a good plan of what to prepare for. Tend not to assume all lodges allow household pets. Some accommodations allow animals associated with a size, some have specific limits, and several do not let domestic pets whatsoever. When you have a cat and reserve a room with a motel which has a no pet insurance policy, you will not be allowed to stay there with your furry buddy. Ask about the cost of a move before you place a arranging. Accommodation exchange charges can be hugely large, specifically in resorts that appear to present an outstanding offer on his or her area prices. You preserve as much as possible once you inquire about this in advance. There are actually internet sites offered that supply you an immediate discount if the hotel you may have arranged lessens in value just before your remain. You could possibly end up with a very good amount of cash back in your wallet. The beauty of this type of website is the opposite does not utilize. In case the charges raise, you will simply need to pay the total amount you have been actually offered. Tobacco users must always learn the cigarette smoking plan at any hotel well before they guide a room. Many accommodations set-aside particular spaces or wings for using tobacco company. If they do, require this sort of place. You can find hotels that can charge a fee a lot once they find out that you just were actually lighting effects up within the room that wasn't for smoking. For this reason you should keep to the rules. If possible, consider in which to stay a resort in the off of-time of year. Most lodges understand how desperate people are to find a room throughout the journey season. They have an inclination to jack up their prices since they know folks are willing to purchase the room. In the event you go in the away-season, you will definately get huge savings! In case your hotel provides a kid's membership, and you are considering making your child there, have a couple of measures. Find out if employees has undergone background checks and request concerning the kid to grownup ratio. Additionally, ask what the process is for getting the kid. You desire to be sure that an individual can't just go walking up by leaving together with your son or daughter. To actually don't abandon nearly anything behind while you are looking into of any motel, produce a sweep through the space right after you've stuffed your totes. Open each cabinet, check lower on the ground by each and every your bed, and check each wall plug to be sure that you haven't kept any rechargers connected. Do not have a look at before your agreed upon departure time when you can steer clear of it. Hotels frequently charge earlier departure service fees. Whenever you hold an area, the handling of the resort gets rid of that space in the marketplace, if you depart very early, the hotel will lose some cash. For that reason, they must compensate for the decrease by charging a young leaving cost. To ensure that you get the top out of your hotel remain, examine the online reviews, not just for your brand however, for your unique place. In just a company, there could be considerable variances in terminology lf quality. Ensure your continue to be is just as rewarding as is possible by investigating your room. Avoid drinking bottled 台中傳播 from a resort! Sure, you might be a bit thirsty following examining to your new place. It is attractive just to grab that rejuvenating jar of water handily obtainable in the smaller-refrigerator. Accommodations take full advantage of company by asking silly sums for bottled water. At times a fitness center inside the resort gives you free of charge bottled water. Nonetheless, it is far better to bring coupled a water filtration pitcher and reusable h2o package and filtration your personal normal water. The optimum time to have a lower price with a accommodation continue to be is actually by arranging your room round the clock prior to deciding to decide to go. This may seem like a huge threat, but it can cause major discount rates. Accommodations will probably give discount rates in those days since the space might not be booked normally. Don't have your getaway ruined by poor motel lodgings. It is always smarter to plan beforehand based upon solid analysis. The greater number of facts you possess, the higher bargain you will definately get. Every single component of your getaway must be fun, such as the hotel. When you happen to be arranging a big vacation, maintain these guidelines in your mind.

#台中傳播

[sissyjamieray]

My journey into feminization how did it begin? It is difficult to pin point a specific age, but I would guess I was about 11 years old. Yes, confused by sexual urges and excitement when looking at pictures of pretty girls in magazine ads wearing only panties and bras. Mmm, then 'borrowing' intimate female garments and wearing them. Feelng the overwhelming rush of pleasure and my first orgasm while wearing female clothing. Through the years I've tried to suppress this urges to dress as a woman. Being married was so frustrating as my wife left her intimate garments all over the house. It was like being in a candy store: bras, panties, lingerie all within reach. Unable to resist I would carefully try on bra or nightie when she was out shopping. At one point she mentioned something about one nightie being worn out in the "wrong" places. But she never questioned me. After all why would her man be turned on by wearing panties? Looking back she was very smart, she knew better than to confront me head on, lol. She knew I would not admit it or make up some bullshit story. She was very subtle, one night after making love she asked me if I had any sexual fantasies, my response was no love, none that I can think of. Another time she make the following comment, " I wish I had something to poke you with". Wow, she was so close. I was a bit stunted, didn't have a good response, lol. Several months later during our forplay love making she starts licking my nipples, omg, wtf!! Do you like it she says, with her hand on my growing manhood there was no escape, no denial. You like it don't you? I said yes, grasping for air and moaning as she began to rub the tip of my cock with her finger while continuing to lick and suck on my nipples. Then she slid her hand below my balls and started stroking and messaging the area just above my ass hole. After five minutes or this action she get up, pulls off her soaked panties then leans towards me with panties in hand and whispers in my ear, ' guess what I found in your bag Jim?' I found at least 10 pairs of my panties Jim, wtf all stained with your cum! "So you like to jerk off and cum in my panties, really?" What could I say but yes. I tried to explain why but she was upset? She then took her wet panties wrapped them around my almost limp manhood and said show me how you like you jerk off im my panties! I was so embarrassed, but I was wrong to have taken her things, this was my punishment, Yes? I reached down and started stroking my cock but it was very limp by now, I could not get hard. She saw my problem and whispers in my ear, "what's the problem, sissy panty boy, can't jerk off in front of your hot sexy wife? never touch my things again!, if you do, you will never fuck or cum inside me again. Do you understand me? Yes, hon I understand, good. Now where are my panties, Uh where you put them dear, yes they are yours now. Uh, keep them clean and if you wear these out (giggle) we will go out together and buy you more. Yes, I'll let the pretty sales lady know my size and yours (giggle). One more thing, when we make love, make sure you are wearing a clean pair of lacy pink panties. You are my panty boy husband now (giggle). I guess you better learn to get excited and hard while wearing female panties or you will never fuck me again (giggle): panty boy. Next day I after work I set out the task of hand washing 'my' panties in hope of getting lucky later that evening. Ok, hot water and some laundry soap and a 15 minutes soak, rinse and then toss into the dryer should to the trick right? Right before we went to bed I quickly grabbed my panties and climbed into bed. My wife had been observing my laundry duties activities that evening and I assumed we were cool. My hopes of an evening of

having sex where dashed when she turned the lights on stating: it's panty check time, stand up and let examine your feeble attempts to clean these! Ok, I can still see your nasty stains, what temperature did you wash these in? Hot I relied, she laughed, you idiot you should have used cold, as now you've 'set' the stain and ruined a pretty pair of panties. Oh well I guess we will have to go panty shopping tomorrow. Maybe Victoria's Secret? I understand Nancy, your friend Mike's wife just started working there (giggle), maybe she can let us use her discount? She then put her hand on my softening member and said, 'well give it some thought, panty boy, good night. WTF, now she is straight up trying to sexually blackmail me and expose me really? I got out of bed headed for the bathroom sobbing, how could my sweet wife be so cruel. Fifteen minutes or so she knocks on the door, " Jimmy are you ok"? No I'm, how could I be ok when you want to humiliate me and expose my fetish to my friends? Oh you admit it now that you are little perverted panty stealing panty boy? Her words cut me through me like a knife, but she was right. Stand Jim, look at yourself in the mirror wearing my soiled panties, tell me baby who and what did I fall in love with? Then she placed her had on my limp cock and said, I love you but tell me about all your fetishes now or we are done: confess! I'm not going to play a guessing game with you understand! Sobbing, I began to spill my guys about how was molested by an older boy at 11, my Aunt confessed to dressing me as a girl when I was very young,

dressing my mothers lingerie. Yes, I've have fantasies about being fucked my a man while being dressed as a woman. With years in my eyes I looked at my wife, what she was crying too? Why are you crying I asked? I'm so sorry that so many people have hurt you babe and that you are so fucked up now. Maybe we can both get into therapy, you know get some professional help? But for this moment, let's promise to be more open and honest with our sexual feelings and desires ok? Babe I'm sorry I got do angry with you but you did sneak my panties? I had no idea that my panties turned you on so much to the point that you would willing wear them? She started rubbing my pantied cock as she spoke, you know Jim, have a little fantasy of my own. What she whispered in my ear next blew me away. Jim, sometimes I think about being with a woman, coddling and fondling each others breasts? Jim, I, I think I might be Bi? I sorry I've never shared this with you but you understand right ? At that moment, my cock began to swell, she got her answer. Now pulling my panties down she began licking the very backside tip of my cock, you know Jim, maybe I will be willing to support you, like helping you dress like a lady, apply make up and maybe if you wish be with a man as a woman. With these words I erupted a stream of thick sperm all over her beautiful face. Wow, that was fast hon, you agree with my suggestions? Awesome, now for your first lesson Jamie, lick up all the cum you sprayed over my face. Yes, play the part bitch you need to learn to love the taste of your cum. Yes, your female name is Jamie now, do you like it? That's right clean me up, good gurl. Now it's my turn to be pleasured, now be a good lesbian bitch and eat my sweet pussy, XOXO.

Chapter 2 The List

The next morning Carol, my wife was up early and out of the house without waking me. No breakfast or coffee, man that woman be slipp'in, I thought. Well, what looks good in the frig? Oh man, lookie here, a heart shaped note from wifey. [Hi Jim I went shopping with Margie this morning, not sure when I'll be back but, please pickup the following items at the corner drug store:

tampons, pantyhose, nail polish (pink), eye shadow base & palate, concealer, face primer, eyeliner (water proof), mascara, blush, bronzer, highlighter, lip gloss, cosmetic brush set, foundation, setting spray and pamprin. Jim, if you need help just ask the salesgirl in

cosmetics, you know the one you always flirt with, you know Desiree, giggle. Oh and make sure you are wearing the pink lace panties that I let in your drawer. They are yours now, Jamie. Love Carol XOXO, P.S., I've invited some friends over for dinner so please be home by 4 pm.] Groan, I HATE shopping, especially for girl stuff! Ok, so off to drug store I went, stright to the cosmetics counter, list in hand. There she was, Desiree behind the counter, may I help you, she asked? Desiree was the gorgeous offspring of Spanish and Irish parents, about 5' 9" light green eyes and light brown to blonde hair. Her makeup was always impeccable, skirts and blouse always tight and ample cleavage on display. Carol was right that I did flirt with Desiree in the past, but Carol was always with me. It was different now, I was alone and what she possibly thinking? I mean, Carol had always shopped for her own cosmetics and fem items? Looking into her eyes my mind went blank, dry mouth, etc. I handed her the list and mumbled, my wife needs this stuff and I have no idea. Sure, no problem, I can get these for. Carol is your wife right? Yeah, she was in earlier, something about a need for a change and wanted you and I to help her with a make-over surprise. I can help you with every thing on the list except the tampons, their in aisle 12. Oh, and I'll need your help with selecting the foundation shade to ensure a good color match. Ok, what ever I said, I'll be back with the wifey's tampons in a couple minutes. As I walked away, Desiree's last words, "color matching" stuck in my head... Carol's skin tone was much lighter than mine? Mmm, aisle 12, ok here we go, no idea really what to buy my wife, so many confusing choices. I must have been searching for the correct tampons for at least 15 minutes when Desiree found me. Hi, need some help? Absolutely? I have no idea what she needs. Laughing at my ignorance of feminine hygiene products, explained that Carol would at minimum need pads and most likely will need a tampon for her 'heavy' period flows. My suggestion is get her both. Is so sweet and thoughtful of you to do pick these up for you wife, I'm sure she appreciates it. Now let's go go back to the cosmetic department and I ring up your items? Sounds like a plan, I said. Ok, let's try this new foundation shade shall we? Desiree reached for my hand, this was a new level: physical contact. I could feel my heart beating faster, well if well if you have to I said? Desiree, her hand still gently touchind my hand, looked me in the eyes and said, Jim, it is necessary to be sure we get an accurate match and you do want to please your Wife don't you? Yes, of course I want to make Carol happy. Well good, smiling as she applied the foundation to my hand Desiree said, you know Jim, it's not like anyone's going to make assumptions about your sexuality. I mean, why would a handsome stud like you want to wear make up? Ok, of course your are right, I told her. Oh, awesome Jim, this color is perfect. Carol will love it.

Great what is the final damage for all this, I asked? Sure, your total comes to $75.65. Ok, wow this stuff sure adds up fast! Ok here's $76, as Desiree handed back my change she dropped a dime. Oh, so sorry, no problem I said bending over to retrieve .10 cents and at that moment exposing my pink lace thong panties in full view of Desiree. So humiliating, I was speechless. Desiree with a big smile handed me my merchandise but me close and whispered, I love a man who likes to embrace his feminine side, Carol is so lucky.

Chapter 3 - No Refunds, No Returns

So I returned home with all the cosmetics Carol had on your list. She met me as I entered our apartment with big hug, then said that she had to leave again. No big deal, but asked me to read a letter she had written to me. Ok, problem, writing letters was something we did when we first started dating. Jim, l'll be back in about 2 hours, so please read my little ' love' note before I return. One more hug as she felt up my ass for the outline of the thong panties, still wearing them I see? Good, I so happy you did, it says you respect my wishes. I am going to make you so happy you did. Then she kissed me deeply and left without saying where she was going? Oh well, now where is this letter? I found Carol's letter on my pillow, she started, my Dearest husband, tonight I will make your fantasy of being a woman a reality. Don't deny it Jim. I found your hidden stash of female undergarments, shemale porn, etc. Really, why did you NOT trust me enough with your kinky desires? No matter, I know now and I still you move than you realize. Tonight I will give your fantasy, but know this our relationship will change. The changes will be (giggle) sort of a role reversal? To start: take a nice hot bubble bath, yes use mine girly stuff XOXO. Next, use my sugar rub all over your body to exfoliate your skin and then shave all your body hair, yes lov, your arms, legs, chest, balls and ass. Next raise in with cold water

and gently dry ourself. Next, hydrate your skin with some lotion be liberal with it. Now Jim, you don't have much time left so get started. Oh, once your done with this bathing routine, look in your drawer and closet. Yes I picked out some cute girly things for you to wear love XOXO. Make sure you are wearing each item when I return? If NOT, trust me You will sorely regret it!! But I know you will be a Good girl for your wife, your Mistress now won't you? And don't act like you don't know how to put on a bra, panty hose, corset, or breast forms. Please Sissy, remember I know what you've doing when your alone and I'm at work. You see I also found your pictures lol. Well, no more secrets BITCH! I demand you to be ready for me to apply your make up and wig when I return. No excuses! Yes dear, I will be fully shaved and dressed when return. Ok, good, I will be at 7 pm sharp! Out of fear and excitement I started drawing my bubble bath. While the tub was filling I looked into the closet and drawer to see what my wife had purchased. My sweet wife had filled my drawer will so many pretty panties and bras all different styles and colours. These were all mine, really? Wow, what was in my closet? Just a quick peek, so many cute skirts, dresses and tops, all mine? Ok, time was slipping away and the tub was nearly full now. As instructed, I soaked in the fraguent bubble bath for a half hour so relaxing then scrubbed every inch of my body possible with a sugar exfoliate scrub. I then covered my body with a girly shaved cream and shaved my legs, arms, chest, groin, balls and ass. I then showed in cold water to rinse off the remaining shave cream. As I dried my body off the scent purfume and softness of my now hairless body caused me to feel so girly/ feminine, excited and horny. I resisted my base urges to pleasure myself and pushed on to getting dressed as it was almost time for my wife to return. So many panties so many choices, will of I selected a cute pink lace thong panties with matching bra and garter belt. Slipping the panties on another temptation to pleasure myself. Not enough time, 6:30 pm, still had to put on the breast plate and corset. I secured the 38 D breasts to my chest using the medical grade adhesive. Looking the mirror was a bit of a let down, so much work and I still looked like a man, a man with big breasts and small waist. I was nearly in tears when I heard the front door open, Carol would be coming in bedroom any moment and I was pretty much half naked. I quickly grabbed a blouse, skirt and heels got them on and posing on the bed, just as door opened. Knock, knock... omg Jim, Carol told me to just let myself in, that my make over project would be sitting on the bed. It was Desire, Carol WTF!! I was humiliated once again, I began sobbing uncontrollably, why Carol, why? Desiree gave me several tissues to dry tears. I don't understand, why would do this? She came closer and hugged me. I never been this close to Desiree or so absolutely vulnerable before. She knew just like Carol that I was to be a sissy no denial. Jim, she said, Carol is giving you a gift, this is what you want really. Carol loves you didn't understand or how to help you experience being a girl. I can sweet heart. Yes, Carol may have, did violate your privacy by sharing your sissy feelings with me but I agreed to help you both. She then kissed me on the lips and said go wash away those trears hon and let's transform you into a beautiful woman. Before she applied my make up she asked me to remove my skirt and blouse, something about not getting any make on my clothes, ok made sence? Desiree was wonderful explaining the fairly complicated process of applying the various types make up, contouring, eye shadow, liner, etc. I almost forgot that I was half naked inches away from a gorgeous woman. The scent of her purfume and beautiful cleavage got the best of my unrestrained manhood. Desiree noticed my problem and said, I see you are getting turned on baby? You like it that I'm feminizing don't sweety? Oh of course you do

#feminized husband #xdress #embrace your femininity

[cayofdreams]

A Succubus’ Dilemma

Summary: Succubus!Reader is struggling with her identity as she gets closer to Kirishima. She wants to continue being the diligent, strong-willed hero that he praises her for being but the presence of Eijirou Kirishima is making that unbearably difficult. She just can't pretend to be quirkless anymore…

Words: 4.5k

Rating: 🌊 Explicit, Smut 

Warnings: cursing, virginity (but there’s no explicit mention of it), oral (receiving), aphrodisiac, heavy overstimulation, a bit of corruption, kinda dark ending? 

Notes: ~Welcome to another steamy piece from your favorite island resort~ 

This one is pretty straight-forward. I feel like I kicked up the smut on this one. Also, I based the ending off one of the endings of one of my favorite yaoi visual novels :-)              

You were lying down on Kirishima’s bed, deeply engrossed in the romantic scene transpiring on your phone’s screen. You had decided to entertain yourself with an episode from your favorite show while your best friend was in the shower.

‘I love you, Jake. But…I just want to wait before we get intimate. I’m just not ready, right now’

‘Of course, Kathrine! I’ll wait however long it takes! You’re so much more to me than a warm body!’

‘You say that…but what if I choose to stay celibate forever?’

‘Then you can live with the confidence that I, Jake Petersmith, have wholeheartedly loved you for the wonderful human that you are!  

‘Oh, Jake! 

‘Kathrine!’

You were tearing up at the cheesy displays of affection since you were a sucker for all things romantic. You loved how characters seemed to have an undying love for one another. Often, you fantasized about sharing that kind of ethereal love with someone yourself. How it would be to run together through a field of sunflowers, or skip hand-in-hand on the sandy surfaces of the beach, or even make couple pranksters YouTube videos that were so obviously not faked.

But that kind of future won’t happen for you. It can’t. Not in the gross body you were in. Surely you were easy on the eyes, but what lurked inside was a demon that constantly bewitched your thoughts. Making you see people around you as simply meat sticks and sticky caverns to be engorged in.

Simply put, you were a succubus. Or at least had a succubus-like quirk. You never told anyone though, only being known to your parents. You tried so hard to reign in these feelings on a daily basis while pretending to be quirkless. But it was becoming increasingly difficult as you got older and as you hung around the likes of…Kirishima.

Oh Kirishima. He was such a beautiful human on the inside and out. Always praising and encouraging you. Being there for you when it seemed you were at your worst low points, and then being there to pick you up and trophy you around when you succeeded at doing even just the bare minimum. You wished you could return even half the happiness to him that he gave you throughout your days at U.A. You wanted to do all the romantic things you saw in movies and books with him. Kirishima was just such a sunshine in your life and you wanted him to continue warming you for the rest of it.

There was a time where 90% of your thoughts toward him were like this…and then as time went on, they became more savagely. Where all you wanted was for him to sink those sharp teeth in your flesh, ravaging your body with a cock that could probably barely even fit inside you, holding you within those arms- those beautifully muscular arms that glistened provocatively with sweat when he trained. You wanted him. Needed him. Please desire me, Eijirou.

You were about to slip your hands down your underwear when you heard the creak of the door open.

“L/N!! Did you miss me?! I’m back!” Kirishima bursted through the door with that wide grin you loved so much.

Of course, I freaking missed you, Eijirou. You were only gone for 11 minutes, 35 seconds, and 23 milliseconds. But I missed every moment.

You covered up your lust with a chuckle. “You weren’t even gone that long.”

“Aww don’t say that!! I missed you, you know.” He teased at you.

Don’t tempt me, baby

“Haha, whatever, Kiri…” You sat up as Kirishima slumped down on the floor next to his coffee table and pulled out his laptop. “So what are we watching, tonight?”

“Hmm…not sure! What do you wanna watch, L/N?” He turned his head to smile back at you. He was so cute. So gorgeous. And your erotic thoughts seemed to be running rampant right now. Especially at the fact that the two of you would be huddled up alone together for who knows however long a movie marathon is. You had to find a way to quickly rid yourself of these thoughts.

“Mmm, let me look up some! Hold on.” A blatant lie. You were going to google get-dry-quick schemes so you could enjoy the rest of the night safely with Kirishima. It was the least he deserved after training so hard today.

HOW TO NOT BE HORNY??!!1!

You analyzed your search results before clicking on a forum where someone seemed to be going through the same dilemma as you.

‘Hello, my name is [redacted] and I’m horny all the time ☹. I’ve lost so many boyfriends because of it and I truly want to find a husband, but it would be silly of me to expect them to drop everything to please me. How can I stop these feelings?’

Someone just like you! You weren’t alone in this cruel abyss. Perhaps she also had a succubus quirk!

Looking through the answers wasn’t much help for the most part. Most of the replies being trolls who asked where she was so they could “help” her. Even worse were the ones that chastised her for her feelings. Saying she was impure and needed to change her ways.

But your eyes were intrigued at the first comment that seemed to provide some kind of helpful information.

‘You might be a nymphomaniac. Have you tried talking with a professional?’

A nym- what? What was that? You opened another tab.

What is a nympomiac?

Too concerned with research to get the correct spelling, you saw articles for definitions of the auto-corrected word.

Nym∙pho∙ma∙ni∙ac

               Noun: a woman with uncontrollable or excessive sexual desire

Gasping at the accuracy you divulged further.

How to not be a nymphomiakc?

A lot of the results for this returned with solutions that were too time-consuming. Prescribed medication, cognitive therapy, and even some evil medieval treatments that involved leeches.

But you needed something now. Why were all these long-winded answers so abundant?! Couldn’t they just give you something to do now? What the fuck would you have to do?? Shove an iceblock your pussy?? Should you go ask Todoroki for a favor??

You were in the middle of texting Todoroki when Kirishima pulled you out of your frenzy.

“You find anything, L/N?”

“Gyahh! What?!” You dropped your phone and looked at Kirishima like you were a deer caught in his headlights.

“Woah, you okay there?! Did I scare you? Maybe horror isn’t a good idea, then.” His worried face could send you to the grave. How could you let him worry about you like this?

“Ohh..no Kiri. I’m fine. We can just watch whatever you want.” You eased your breaths, desperately trying to sound normal.

“You sure?! Awesome! There’s this zombie flick I’ve been meaning to watch but I get kinda scared watching stuff like that alone.” He clicked around happily through some tabs on his browser. “I think if its with someone as courageous as you, I’ll be less scared.”

Was he trying to make you cry? Saying something so beautiful like that with a face like his. Shame on him, honestly.

“I’m gonna play it now, you ready?”

“Mmhm”

--------------------------------------------------

The movie so far was just as you hoped: grotesque, gory, horrifying, and most importantly, non-arousing. It helped that you stayed on the bed while Kirishima sat on the floor, so I guess that was cheating, but nonetheless necessary.  

“You doin’ okay up there, L/N?” Kirishima checked up on you. You had probably been suspiciously quiet due to concentrating on waving away any little lewd thoughts.

“Oh yeah, what about you, Kiri?”

“W-Well! I was kinda thinking! That maybe uhh…I could possibly join you up there?” He scratched his head in nervousness at his slighty flirty suggestion.

Oh no

“Up where?”

“On the bed. Y-you know…with you?”

At this point you didn’t really know whether to praise or curse the gods above you. If there was one thing you could be sure to thank them for, it was the dark room that hid the flustering of your facial expression.

“I-Its your bed after all…”

“I know! I guess its just- heheh..nevermind! I’m hopping up!” Kirishima rugged his massive body on the bed next to you. Even taking some of the blanket you had so you’d be forced to share with him, he just softly smiled as he did so.

This was way too much for the hellion within you to handle. You could smell his strong scent from beside you. His breathing more pronounced in your ear drums. And its like you could feel his heartbeat within you. Pulsating inside you…

Things would take a turn for the worse when it seemed like a sweet romantic scene was about to show up. The two main leads were alone in a bunker and one of them had just revealed they were bitten.

“Samuel, Nooo!”

“Lilia! Listen to me! I need you to hear what I have to say.”

“We don’t have time, Samuel! We- We need to get you medicine. We have to! We have-“

“Stop, Lilia! There’s nothing that can save me now! You and I both know what happens from here.”

“Samuel…”

“Lilia… I want you to be the one who does it.”

“I can’t…Samuel..I can’t”

“You have to, Lilia. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

“Don’t do this, Sam…”

“I love you, Lilia.”

“Oh Samuel! I’ll never be with anyone else! Ever!”

“Lilia…”

The words lingered in your head as the movie continued on.

‘I’ll never be with anyone else’

Was such an option available to you? Even if you did take away the innocence of your love, Kirishima Eijirou, who’s to know how your body would react? The best result would be that your body would finally be satisfied and you’d no longer have these perverse thoughts.

On the other hand, maybe you’d just sink further and further down. Drowning in the suffocating waters of lust. And then what? Kirishima can’t just drop everything to cater to your needs. No. He was going to be hero. An amazing one at that.

But Kirishima wasn’t just a hero, he was your best friend. You felt awful every time he would praise your strong-willed persona. Saying how amazing you were despite being quirkless. He’d even say you were more manly than him at times. It was like you were betraying him. You were betraying that innocent smile he wore for you everyday…you couldn’t hold it anymore.

“Kirishima.”

He looked back at you, surprised at your rare use of his name. Sensing something was wrong he paused the movie and turned his entire body to face yours.

“L/N, what’s wrong”

You were doing it again. Making him worry over you. But you couldn’t keep holding in this secret. You needed to tell him.

“I have to ask you something…”

“Please ask! I’m listening with all ears, L/N” He perked up at you. He looked just like a puppy, waiting for your every move like that.

“What do you think about…impulsive people?”

“Huh? Impulsive people?” He scratched his head at the question. “Well…I guess they’re entertaining to watch? Kind of like Bakugou. But I suppose being too impulsive is bad. You could get yourself or others in danger.”

Your head lowered at his statement, eyes closing shut. Of course he would say something like that. It’s only natural for humans to be mindful of their indulgences. They had to. It’s a part of social conformity after all.

Yet still, it hurt.

He noticed your displeasure in his answer.

“What’s wrong, L/N? Why did you ask that? You’re not impulsive at all!” He was trying to cheer you up, but it only dug the knife further into your chest. “You’re one of the most dignified, tough, and resilient people I know!”

Tears were starting to form in your eyes and before you could object him he continued.

“A-and that’s why…That’s why I love you, F/N. I want you to be my girlfriend.”

As much as you wanted to pull him close to you and pamper him with kisses, you needed to come clean. You shot up from the bed, your back faced towards him and your handing closing into a clenched fist.

“That can’t happen, Kirishima! It won’t work!”

Kirishima followed you by jumping up from the bed, grabbing you by the arms to get you to face him. “Why, F/N?! Why can’t it happen? Is there something wrong with me?! Please just tell me!”

“Nooo…nooo there’s nothing wrong with you, Kiri..” The waterworks flowed from your eyes and violent sobs escaped from you. You slumped down on your knees in sorrow. Kirishima joined you on the floor and tried to pull you into him, but you’d jerk your body away. “You know nothing about me, Kirishima…I’ve- I’ve lied to you.”

“What do you mean, F/N? What did you lie about? I’m sure its not that bad!”

“I’m not quirkless, Kiri…” A couple more sobs came out of you. “I-I’m a demon…a succubus. A filthy succubus! Just a filthy disgusting succubus!!”

Not being able to stand your self-hatred, he grabbed you by the jaw to force you to look at him. His blazingly crimson eyes met your beautifully wet e/c ones. “Stop that, F/N! You’re not disgusting! Or filthy! You could never be those things!”.

You gripped his wrist and pulled it harshly away from you. “What would you know?! You don’t know the things I deal with inside this wicked head of mine! I encompass the most obscene thoughts about people! About you! Every morning I think about how I’m going to seduce you and get you to desire me just as much as I do! Every training session I look at that beautifully sculpted body of yours and I mentally defile it! Thinking of you as nothing more than a walking, breathing dildo! I see you when you’re smiling with your friends and all I want to do is just steal you away make you mine forever! And every night, I cry at the lack of pleasure I’m getting. The lack of warmth that I only want YOU to give to me. The lack of feeling your hot, meaty cock inside me! It drives me insane, Eijirou! I hate having these thoughts! I hate them! I hate them! I ha-hmmph!”

Kirishima had suddenly kissed you, and you had returned it by ravaging your tongue around his. You didn’t care about the cuts you might receive from his teeth grazing against your delicate flesh. You could only be swallowed by the pleasures overtaking your mouth. You drowned in each other, but only briefly before you had placed your hands on his chest and pushed him away from you.

“What are you doing?! Didn’t you just hear what I said?” You struggled to catch your breath as you wiped away the remnants of his saliva from your face.

“Why didn’t you tell me this, F/N? Did you…did you not trust me? Did you not think of me as manly enough to handle this?” His hands gripped tightly at your shoulders, craving a reply from you.

“You know that’s not true, Kiri. You’re the best person to ever come into my life, and that’s why I had to withhold this secret from you. I didn’t want you to abandon me.”

“I could never aban-“

“But I also didn’t want you to get wrapped up in me. I want you to continue your goals of becoming a hero, Eijirou. Who knows what sanity you’ll be sacrificing by being with me. It’s not a chance I’m willing to take.”

“That isn’t your call to make.” Kirishima’s uncharacteristically cold reply created an atmosphere that overwhelmed you.

“What do you mean? Hiding my quirk was the best decision.”

“Did you really think about me?” Kirishima’s hands glided from your shoulders to your upper arms, still holding a tight grip. “Did you think about how I’d feel if I knew you were holding yourself back like that? What if you’re killing yourself and you don’t know it? I’m supposed to be a hero, F/N. Your hero.”

Before you could reply he had stood up and lifted you back on the bed. He layed you down and positioned himself between your legs, squeezing at your thighs. They were so soft, so delicate. All of you was soft and delicate. And nothing you had told him tonight would change the way he felt about you. There was nothing you could say or do to change his feelings for you. Nothing.

You tried to pry his hands away from the meat of your thighs, but you were admittedly weak from his confession and the thick, encompassing atmosphere that was Kirishima’s presence around you. “Kiri-“

“Eijirou. Call me Eijiirou.”

“…Eijirou. We can’t do this. It’s dangerous…”

“It’s dangerous if I do, its dangerous if you don’t. But I’m telling you right now, F/N, I’m not letting you continue to do this to yourself. Knowing that you’re hurting like this and not being able to do anything? Not doing anything to help the one I love? What kind of hero would I be?...What kind of man would I be?”

Kirishima then leaned down to capture your lips in another kiss. You tried to move your head away but he took one of his hands against your jaw to hold you in place. It felt so good. So fucking good. His lips, his tongue, his rough hands. You teared up just at the pleasure of it all.

He then took his other hand to lift up your shirt, revealing your bra that contained the softest bust that any man could ever lay his hand upon. And right now that man was him. And he’d make sure it’d always be him.

Letting go of your lips, he roughly caressed your breasts before completely pulling your shirt over your head. Faint thoughts of resistance would slip away as you lost yourself in the pleasure you’d been craving for so long.

Struggling to get your bra off, Kirishima impatiently ripped it himself, using a bit of his quirk in the process.

“Eiji…”

“Sshh, baby. I’m gonna take care of you so well.” He slipped off your shorts along with your underwear and threw them unmindfully on the floor. Gripping the flesh below your inner knee, he spread your legs wide enough to slightly sting.

Your pussy was overflowing with juices for him and he barely even touched you yet. He took a moment to relish in the view, taking in deep breaths to smell your intoxicating aroma. He was inexperienced at sex but he knew this erotic perfume you were exuding could only have been the work of your succubus traits.  He leaned down to give an experimental lick, his tongue curling to make sure he could gather as much of your juices as he could. He let your flavor sit in his mouth as if trying to enjoy the last sip of water on a mission in the desert.

His lewd behaviors made an unbearable heat rise to your face and you cowered behind your hands. Irritated, Kirishima jerked your hands away and looked at you as if you just insulted his entire lineage.

“Don’t you dare cover up that beautiful face of yours.” He leaned his head back down, this time capturing all the folds of your pussy in his mouth. “I want to see every expression you make. Hear every seductive sound that leaves that your throat.” The vibrations of his voice on your pussy drove you crazy. The rapid moving of his tongue against your clit was immediately sending you to a heavenly dimension.

“Ohh Eiji…Eiji I’m gonna cum…”

“Cum for me, baby. I want it.”

Your orgasm was so intense you could’ve passed out, but you couldn’t. Not with Eijirou still licking all over your clit like that.

“Oh my god, Eiji! Eijiii” Your hands gripped at his spiky hair, tugging tightly trying to get him to have mercy on your sensitive bud. “F-ffuckk! I can’t, Eiji, I can’t!”

Still not letting up, he continued to overstimulate you with his relentless tongue. “I’m sorry, F/N.” He slurped up your juices before working his tongue again. “You taste so fucking good. Like the freshest fruit from a garden.” He rotated between drinking up your fluids and licking vigorously at your clit. “I can’t stop, baby. I need more. Just cum again, okay?”

And cum, you would. A second orgasm was on the horizon and the overstimulation of it was making you shed tears. “Eiji…I’m gonna cum again. Oh my fucking god, I’m gonna cum againnn- Hnngh!!“. Intense waves of pleasure rode over you. However, Kirishima was still lapping up at your folds. “Eijirouuuu!!!”. Your moans became more high-pitched and erratic as you were overstimulated now for the second time.

“Just one more time, baby. I promise”. “I swear I just-“ Slurp. “Never tasted-“ Slurrp. “Anything so fucking good before.”

You were left with no choice but to cave into your third orgasm and Kirishima seemed to show no mercy for you. “Fucckkk.” You sniffled through your sobs as your next high came quicker than the previous ones. Finally Kirishima had lifted his head from between your lips. He had the most animalistic and erotic face you could have ever dreamed of seeing.

“Damn, that was so good. You did so well for me, baby.” Kirishima gleamed with the shine that was your juices. He leaned down to entwine his tongue with yours. You could taste yourself on him and it made you delirious. You had just cum three times, but you wanted more. You needed more.

Kirishima felt the same way as you as he backed up to give himself space to take his shorts off. Cock now springing free, you could see the beast of a rod he had and it made your mouth water. You whined at just the thought of the pleasure you were about to become entranced by. He lined himself up at your sopping entrance, but before he could slip in, you lightly pressed on his chest to get his attention.

“Are you sure, Eijirou? You can stop right now if want. I won’t be mad at you at all. You’ve already done so much for me, tonight.”

His cheeks faded into a deep pink as he moved your hands to be at his shoulders.

“I want you, F/N”. He stuck the tip of his cock in you, grunting at the tightness of your entrance. “I fucking want you.”

You let out a guttural moan as he slowly stretched your pussy to fit his cock. You finally felt it. The warmth you’d been craving deep inside. The stingingly sweet pain of his cock stretching out your drenched pussy. You could die right now. Right here in the arms of the man you loved. And your ghost would be perfectly okay with it. But your flesh craved even more. You needed him to reach the deepest parts of you. You needed him to destroy your greedy pussy.

“Fuck me, Eijirou. I want you to fuck me like the greedy slut that I am!” You looked directly into his dazed eyes, whining at him to give you what you wanted. “Please, I want you so bad. Mark this pussy with that cock of yours. Make me unable to think about anyone else like this. C’mon, give it to me! ”

Too aroused by your begging, he silently obliged. Sinking the entirety of his cock inside you, he twitched at your pulsating walls. It was like your pussy was a  breathing organ, sucking him in and tightening around him so he could never leave. And he wasn’t going to. He’d stay like this forever with you.

Not giving you time to get used to his size, Kirishima started thrusting brutally against your hips. You let out the sweetest moans as you littered his back with scratches. His thrusts becoming smoother and smoother as your pussy got used to him. His cock ferociously grazed against your g-spot as the tip teasingly nibbed at your cervix. The perfect mix of pleasure and pain, you felt your now fourth orgasm approaching. You let go of his shoulders to lay your head back deep in the cushions of his pillows.

“Eijirou, you’re gonna make me cum again! You’re gonna make me cum all over your cock-!”

“Oh fuck- me too, F/N”. The rhythm of his thrusts became more faltered as your walls inhumanely squeezed the life out of him. He looked at your cock-drunk face, pleased with his performance. “Where do you want it, baby?”

You raised your head to reestablish eye contact with him. “I want it inside! Cum inside me! I need your cum so bad, need to feel it in my-Hmmnghh!!” Your orgasm overtook your speaking as you groaned hysterically.

Kirishima not far behind you, quickened his pace to chase his own high. “Shit, F/N! I’m gonna cum inside you! Fucking take all of it, baby! Don’t let any seep out, okay?”

You moaned at the hotness of his seed spurting inside. It was so deep inside you and you wondered if it was either easier or more difficult to get pregnant as a succubus. Either way you wanted more and your walls clenched once again against Kirishima’s cock.

He grunted before leaning down to bury his face in your neck, once again starting to thrust inside you. He was overstimulated but your pussy was driving him crazy. Perhaps your juices were an aphrodisiac, making anyone a slave to the area between your thighs. He kissed along your jaw and brought his hand up against your throat. He didn’t squeeze tight, just enough to get your attention.

He rose his head up to get a good look at your face. You looked liked a corrupted angel beneath him. He couldn’t believe you withholded him from these pleasures for so long. Were you just gonna go fuck other guys? You were going to let other men taste what has been his all along? He needed to hear you say you belonged to him. He’d give up anything to hear your sweet voice tell him everything from your insides and out belonged to him.

“Tell me who you belong to, baby?”

You replied with no hesitation, willing to say and do anything to milk more of his cum inside you.

“You, Eijirou! I belong to you! My flesh, my womb, my guts! Everything belongs to you Eijirou!” You felt another orgasm filling up in your stomach. “Please don’t ever leave me, Eiji. I want you with me forever. “

Of course, this was something he had no qualms about doing. He was ready. He’d give up school, his goals, his life to please you at every waking moment. He’d keep you pumped full of his cum so you’d never think about anyone else. You wouldn’t even remember what it was like to live like you weren’t a succubus. You’d be happy like this. With him.

Because he was your hero.

#kirishima x reader #kirishima eijiro x reader #eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader smut #kirishima #kirishima eijirou #kirishima smut #kirishima eijirou smut #mha x reader #bnha x reader #mha smut #bnha smut #my hero academia smut #boku no hero academia smut #i was supposed to just be doing drabbles #i just couldn't not make this dark #the vn is called room. no 9 #cayofdreams #cayfanfic

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reviews: ML Season 4 Episode 11: Guiltrip

Spoilers below (because its out of order and it just got subbed)

-So class is going on and Rose got a headache. (Alya and Nino passing NOTES. Alynino get your JUICE)

-Marinette daydreaming about Adrien. So nothing out of the ordinary

-So Rose calls her headache Miss Dora. Okay this whole exchange with Rose is so cute.

- Juleka eating lunch, (you know we never really see the students eat lunch often.) And then Juleka got the sorrow clouds! OH NO! WHAT IS HAPPENING!

-Marinette trying to cheer up Juleka, back fires spectacularly. Oh Kwami.

-Jeez what happened to ROSE?

-Shadowmoth on cue because he really gonna capitalize on that suffering.

-Shadowmoth AKUMA DONT HELP, ONLY THERAPY DOES.

-Marinette got the bubbles for adrien still. She is still into him.

-Yo She CORRECTED her stammer! Marinette is getting better.

-Well this adrinette is delicious

-Marinette is keeping focus, and correcting her stammers. This is growth. Im glad for her.

-Juleka "I want to be alone" (Marinette texts the class)

-OH S*** Rose is at the Hospital! What the s*** Shadowmoth! Way to bury the lead? Side note: Everyone is just There suddenly

-Okay so basically Rose got sick when she was younger and that sickness can come back at any time, Rose made Juleka promise not to tell anyone about it, which she failed. And the class promises not to treat her any differently.

-And that is how you stop an akuma. Man The class is so supportive and caring for one another. The writers really just said (F*** class salt in particular) must be a sucky season to be a class salter

-And Julrose cuteness. And now everyone is being extra nice to rose which basically NEGATES what they said earlier. But you really can't fault them.

-Juleka is like 'Everyone, calm the f*** down' and its starting to get a little... obvious.

-THEY ALL GOT HER APPLES. I wonder if they are being to subtle (Not)

-Rose figured out something is up.

-Okay so I had to pause this because I LOVE JULEKA AND ROSE'S CONVERSATION! It starts like it is going to go the way of Rose feeling hurt and betrayed, but she pivots and realizes she had Juleka always worrying and that wasn't fair to her. So Rose doesn't get mad at Juleka but decides to clear the air and fix things.

-Rose got MASSIVE strength for a sick girl.

- Again, The class is a supportive group of friends. The writers really said f*** the class salt AGAIN.

-And now they are studying viruses in class. (I can picture how this is going to go)

-And this went how I expected it to go. I cracked up.

- And Now Juleka runs off because guilt

-Chloé and Sabrina didn't move and were like "WTH"

-Thats a weird way to say Girlfriend, but hey, Shadowmoth Aint the smartest bug

-Oh an amok!

-So the sentimonster is called Guiltrip

-And Reflekta again

-Wow Reflekta just Sent herself first! OH DAMN! Shadowmoth was like 'Wait no but my jewelry!?"

-The entire class save Sabrina, Chloé and Lila just up and ditched to go help Juleka. This class sugar is making me diabetic and I LOVE IT

-Rose straight up went in after Juleka (Respect)

-Ah yes the tried and true ladybug strategy. JUMP INTO ITS MOUTH. (but in this case portal)

-Shadowmoth is just like 'YESS ALL ACCORDING TO KEIKAKU." but he really is like, thank goodness that worked.

-Ivan sweetie no. It isn't your fault.

-so the bubbles turn them into Reflekta when they overtake you? But also make you feel guilty.

-NINO! OMG! Nino just said he feels guilty that he couldn't help Adrien face his dad. Adrino stans we got some juice! Adrien knows man. That hurt.

-Did... Did Chat noir just try to.... That is DARK

-Wow... this sentimonster making Ladybug and chat noir give up

-OMG ROSE WEAPONIZED POSITIVITY! SHE IS GOING SUPER ROSE! HOW?! WHY?! IDK BUT ROSE GOT THAT MLP FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC POWER.

-Yum, that is some tasty ladynoir. Well fed this season.

-I do really like how Ladybug transforms after using Lucky charm. It looks better then her standard suit. Wish we knew HOW she got that upgrade. But hey, out of order episodes, what will ya do.

-I already love Daizzi and Rose together. The pig Kwami is precious.

-Okay, I like the costume. Pigella shirt adds some flair. Gives more variety to the female costumes, which we needed. Plus the clap is cute

-Reflekta got that MEGA GUILT

-So her power is gift. but basically shows them their hearts desire.

-Omg, I just realized, Pigella is the ultimate enemy of Shadowmoth. She makes things happy while he thrives on suffering.

-Okay, I like Rose's costume, but ... those eyes creep me OUT.

-The cute Julrose is cute

-OH SO THATS HOW THE PICKAXE WAS USED? How simple.

-Reflekta charm! Juleka won't be victimized by Hawkmoth. So it is a permanent ward then?

-Rose is SLICK! 100 stealth on that miraculous hand off.

-Oh now they teasing her. Thats what Rose wanted. Cute

-Chloé is mad that no one laughs when she says stuff like that.

-ADRIEN! YOU SAVAGE. Sassdrien is real!

___________________________________________________________

Okay so I really enjoyed this episode.

I will say I wanted some more romantic Julrose, but you know, I gotta say. This was an excellent episode for both Juleka and Rose. The class also got to be supportive but in a believable way. Really got to show them more as characters.

The ladynoir and Adrienette was on point. And I think this might be one of the better hero intros.

overall 8/10

I felt that the conflict was handled a bit too quick and kind of anti-climactic. I would have loved to see more build up to Ladybug and Chat noir almost succumbing to despair. But it was good stuff

It is a solid episode and while I personally enjoyed other episodes more, this one was pretty good.

#ml #ml spoilers #guiltrip #ml guiltrip #gale reviews #its good stuff #miraculous spoilers #juleka couffaine #pigella #its cute #rose lavillant

[imfemalewarrior]

I saw your comment on the ace positivity post! True facts, ppl seem to conveniently forget about the history of the ace community.

Yeah you're right. People also like to claim we don't share the experiences of the LGBT+/queer communities and therefore we should be our own community (but they destroyed the community we did build so I'm highly suspicious anyone outside of the ace community, and inside the ace community, are just trying to separate us off so they can target us AGAIN) also conveniently forget that every subgroup has their own experiences and also:

aces don't get acceptance from straighties, are told we aren't real, it's just a phase, we are too young/old to decide, our relationships aren't what we say they are, us existing is too "adult" to teach to children who should remain lost and confused and put themselves in dangerous/uncomfortable situations instead of using a label that gives them an excuse not to do that bc society is shit at consent, face disownment from our families, conversion therapy/corrective rape (with doctors etc prescribing medicine like female viagra to make us feel sexual attraction or removing antidepressants for 'making us asexual' and people telling us we just need a good kay to fix us-sound familiar?), get told we just need a good lay to be fixed by EVERYONE, are literally labeled a mental /physical illness in the dsm as hypoactive sexual desire disorder (sure recently they tacked on 'if the patient identifies as asexual it's fine' but MANY aces report feeling stressed and broken and wrong because we don't feel sexual attraction and didn't know about asexuality as a concept and thus we don't meet this caveat, asexuality needs to be removed from the dsm as an illness at ALL) just like lesbianism and homosexuality and trans ppl were deemed mentally ill, workplace discrimination, medical discrimination, and there are no options outside of marriage and marriage to 1 person to have tax benefits and be able to see them in the hospital like a spouse can so aspec relationships and poly relationships that are not marriage are just out of luck, we should keep it to ourselves, we should only tell our partner we are ace and not our friends and family and certainly not talk about it outside of the bedroom, we shouldn't talk about it online, we should not get rep in popular culture, because THINK OF THE CHILDREN, even though OUR children are saying (lgbt+children in general are saying the ace label helped them avoid things they were not ready for, and ace adults are saying they wished they knew about the label as a child bc then they would have known it was ok to not be interested in sex and they wouldn't have forced themselves into situations they weren't ready for and wouldn't regret doing as an adult

Dare I say this sounds like recycled homophobia and even homophobia today as well as transphobia? Are we truly so different?

People like to label us "a cringy tumblr invention" but even if we WERE we would not be any less valid, plus we have always existed. There are accounts of ancient queens reportedly only having sex to attempt for an heir and would only go again if they were not pregnant, Nikola tesla never married and never expressed any interest in anyone , some spinsters could have been asexual if they were alive today and used these modern labels

and even if it was a tumblr invention why suddenly does the phrase "literally all labels are made up and so are all words and that doesn't make them invalid" not apply? why does "gay/trans people have always existed we just weren't labeled as such until recently" suddenly no longer apply? just bc ppl put a new name to something old doesn't make it invalid

-FemaleWarrior

#aphobia #conversion therapy #dsm #corrective rape #rant #asexual

[katnissmellarkkk]

what about ~ general ~ #48?

Gravity

Heyyyyy, so uh, remember sending this? Well, sorry this took 100,000 years. And uh, sorry, this got so long imma break it up into three separate parts. Because, ya see, the prompt you sent sparked a three chapter growing back together story. And... your prompt, which was general #48 “I won’t hurt you”, actually doesn’t appear until the final chapter 🤦🏼‍♀️... we love an overwriter, right? 

Okay so anyways, hopefully part two will be out soon. And forgive this for not being my greatest writing ever. 

And thanks, love, for sending me a prompt to start with!

Peeta and I grow back together.

/

"How long are you going to waste those paints?" I tease wryly, announcing my presence as I lean against the doorframe.

Peeta doesn't even glance back at me, but I can see from my angle his expression turn sardonic. "Until this shade of green is exactly right."

I chuckle, coming further into the room—using extra caution to not startle him as he can be easily triggered when his mind is preoccupied elsewhere—and attempting to peer over his shoulder at the canvas.

It's covered with a cloth though and this time he turns to look at me before laughing softly. "Trying to sneak a peek?"

I glance at him, a little ruffled, before my eyes find my feet. "I didn't know it was supposed to be secret," I defend, for some reason feeling embarrassed by my curiosity.

Our dynamic is still tense some days. We haven't kissed since we were in the Capitol and that was only to fight off his hijacking. We haven't genuinely kissed, kissed because we wanted to, for nothing but our own simple pleasure, since the Quell, on the beach, the last night before we were separated.

Since before Peeta was taken by the Capitol. Since before he was hijacked.

But his memory is better now and the clouded, haunted look is long gone from his eyes. In it's place is the same brightness, the same instinctive kindness, the same gaze I used to see even in the worst of circumstances.

Still though, I don't always know what to say or not say. I don't know what our boundaries are now.

I know that his house and mine are always open to the other one. I don't have to knock or announce myself when I come over, and more times than not I return from hunting to find him situated at my kitchen table, waiting for me before cutting our breakfast bread.

I don't always know where our trauma ends and our friendship begins. I don't honestly know where we even stand anymore. From allies to friends to unconscious lovers to enemies and back, I get whiplash practically trying to decipher it, and I can't even imagine how much more confusing it must be for him, still after all this time.

He is more committed to that stupid over-the-phone therapy we've both had forced upon us though. He is committed like an old dog to a rotten bone to healing himself from the wounds Snow inflicted.

I'm about to find an excuse to leave the room, to more than likely leave his house altogether and go out to the woods, like I too often do when I'm at loss for words or things grow awkward, when his fingers touch under my chin. He gently lifts it up to meet his sky blue irises. "Come help me mix colors," he implores, his eyes enthusiastic and genuine.

I nod tentatively after a moment, following behind him, like a wide-eyed child. Like my sister used to follow behind me when we walked from the Seam to town and back.

He makes room for me at the table he's turned into his painting palette. On it resides papers upon papers, each covered with dozens of green variants.

"Peeta," I gap at him, my eyes getting wide. "How have you made all these shades?"

He scratches the back of his neck, blushing a little, and managing to get a moss color on his neck from the wet paint still situated on his fingertips.

I have the most insane urge to clean his neck off myself, to touch him there, as though a spot that's always displayed in plain sight could suddenly be so intimate.

I squash that desire so fast, I feel my temples pulse.

"I've been working on getting this color right for a few days now," he admits sheepishly.

I raise my eyebrow at him, a little more coy than I was only a minute ago. "A few days?"

"Okay, so it's been a couple of weeks."

I laugh then, really laugh, from the bottom of my stomach. It only last for a few seconds but it's such a rarity still that I ever feel that kind of unadulterated joy, and I choose to bask it for all it's worth.

It doesn't escape my notice though that I only ever have these rare moments in Peeta's vicinity. Not that I plan to openly share this—with anyone, really, but especially with him—but it's something I can't help but clock, even if just to myself.

Apparently I'm not the only one who finds my laugh significant, because when I look up at him again, Peeta is staring at me with a look of awe now shining in his gaze. A look I didn't realize until he was back in Twelve, until he was back mentally, until we had started on the memory book together, that he'd lost in his hijacking. It was a gaze I had seen in thousands of moments before, on the train, in the beds we shared at night, in the arenas, in my living room.

That shining look of awe in his eyes is just another thing I didn't realize how much I missed, how much it meant to me, until it returned. Another thing I didn't even realize Snow took away from me.

He breaks the silence between us again, his mouth turning up on one side, his eyes suddenly glazing over. For a moment I brace myself for a flashback, something that I have become accustomed to witnessing on a regular basis. He never loses his mind, he never snaps or thinks I'm a mutt or anything of the sort, but he'll grow quiet for a long moment and he'll clutch the underside of the table or the back of a close by chair, and shut his eyes until it's over.

But he isn't having a flashback now. Instead, his words are wistful and full of longing. "I miss hearing you laugh like that," he quietly says, unashamed. Like he's always said everything. Confidently, even when he wasn't.

I offer him a small smile in return before turning back to the paint covered table, segueing not as subtly as I wish. "Okay, so how am I supposed to help you make your ideal green color?" I turn to him and add in a teasing tone, "I'm not quite as experienced in frosting as you."

It has the desired effect and he comes to show me how to mix the paints properly, how to add in other colors to make a lighter or darker shade of green.

"So this is why the frosting on the cakes were always so intricate?" I ask after a couple of hours of us just blending paints together.

"Because I'm a perfectionist? No. Because I needed to get the cakes to sell quick enough that I wasn't forced to have the stale, crunchy ones for dinner. Over-the-top frosted cakes sells faster."

I shoot him a sad look at that. I always forget that while I had to work hard from a young age to bring food home to my family, Peeta got stuck with the leftovers no one from the entire district claimed.

Hours pass and I get so lost in mixing colors—okay, actually, I'm playing after a while, as Peeta continues to mix paints—that I don't realize until the sky outside turns dark that we skipped lunch and dinner.

"Peeta," I say, tugging at his arm with my now paint covered palm. "We have to eat."

He shakes his head though. "I've almost got the exact right shade."

I huff. "You need to feed yourself. Or else you'll pass out and I'll have to drag you to your bedroom and it'll be rough on us both."

"So it won't be any different than Sunday at Haymitch's?"

I laugh at that again, really laugh, and my stomach aches and cramps from the unused muscles waking back up after their long hibernation. "Come on," I urge.

"Katniss, I swear, I'm almost finished," he insists again, very solemnly. "Go get food from the bakery for both of us and I'll be done by the time you get back."

I let go of his arm, feeling myself deflate as I realize he's truly not budging. "I can't be the only one who goes to town with paint covered hands," I throw out there, as a last resort.

Without even looking away from the table, he adds, "and a paint covered face."

My brow furrows, confused, when he taps my nose with his wet finger. "Peeta!" I try to exclaim but it gets eaten up by my giggle, which is quickly overpowered by his.

"You told me once green was your favorite color!" He defends, holding up his hands.

I swipe my still wet sheets of paper off the table and fling them at him, effectively covering his cheek and the shoulder of his shirt in a soup of green.

"Oh, you aren't getting away with that," he promises and grabs me around the waist when I bolt for the door. "You couldn't even beat a man with one leg," he teases as he hoists me up and propels us both towards the wet paints again.

"Don't you dare," I threaten but my smile, one I can't repress, isn't letting me give the correct authenticity to my tone and in the end, he only smirks at my words.

A half hour later, I exit Peeta's house, having scrubbed my face the best I could in his bathroom sink. I only made the green fade from my cheeks and nose, not completely evaporate, and my neck is still strewed with flicks of the forresty shade.

My stained shirt is covered though as I pull on Peeta's jacket, having for once left mine in my own doorway, three houses down. Instead of going to fetch it, I choose take him up on the offer to borrow his, pretending it's about convenience and not because I like the way his smell of vanilla and cinnamon and something entirely his own lingers on all his clothing.

I use the key he gave me to the freshly rebuilt bakery and let myself in the backdoor, more so because that's where I'm most comfortable entering. Peeta's new bakery is almost identical in structure to the old one, and his mother would have never let me come in through the front, let alone trade my game over the counter instead of in the chilly back alleyway.

So many times I peaked inside the back, peered over the old baker's shoulder while he examined my squirrels. Majority of the times it was only to see the blazing hot oven, to fantasize about how it must feel to work with that kind of heat in the winter, to have heat so easily accessible at your fingertips that you can take it for granted. But sometimes it was also to catch a glimpse of what the inside must look like, my curiosity getting the best of me.

Being from the Seam, you so rarely had reason to enter a Merchant business. Being from the Seam, there was always a part of you that wondered what the other side of the community must live like.

Well, now I know. I have, really, since I became a victor and Peeta took me with him here on a seldom occasion to chat with his dad while he mother was gone.

I can't help but admire the handiwork of Thom and of many others in the community. They rebuilt the bakery—with assistance, both creatively and manually, from Peeta himself—in only a few months time and it looks like it was never decimated. The woodwork of the wall panels, the marble tile of the floor, the cream color of the walls.

It was like the old bakery, but made newer and fresher.

However, as I grab a loaf of bread and pastries—Peeta did say to get whatever I craved—I spot something out of the ordinary.

The walls visible to the customers in the front are reserved for Peeta to paint murals on, whenever he finds himself in the right mood to create whatever idea he has sitting inside his head. But the walls in the back are typically full of notes and lists and customer orders and—Peeta's own idea—thank you notes and cards from members of the community, who adore him even more now than they did before the war.

But all those things have been cleared away from a section of the wall space. There is a noticeably large blank space, right above the oven and counter, where no one else but Peeta will be able to view it.

It's maybe a little thing to be hung up on, but it strikes me as so strange I cannot stop thinking about it.

I choose to stop at the rebuilt Hob after I finish at the butcher's, offering Greasy Sae an extra pastry for her and her granddaughter.

She takes the offer with a sly look, handing me a container of soup to go with the bread.

"What?" I ask, unsettled a little by her glance, like she knows something I don't.

"I see someone's been painting," she just simply notes, gesturing with her chin to my green stained hand and wrist.

"Oh!" I catch on now. "Yeah, I was just helping Peeta."

The excuse doesn't seem to diminish the glint in her eyes. "Helping. Yeah, I'm sure."

I roll my eyes in her direction as I walk towards the door, calling out, "goodnight," evenly over my shoulder.

When I get back to Peeta's though, he isn't in his art studio. Instead he's in the kitchen, grabbing silverware and plates for us to eat. "Grab bowls too," I call as I plop our food down on his countertop. "Traded a pastry for some."

He shoots me a sardonic look now. "You know you don't have to trade for everything, right?"

"I like it more than spending money," I retort easily, slipping off his jacket. "I'm going to go scrub my hands in the bathroom again before we eat," I say, glancing at my still green digits.

"Well, hurry," he urges teasingly. "You have gotten me so used to eating things when they're fresh, I almost can't stand waiting anymore."

His hand playfully pushes on my back, propelling me towards to the stairs, and I have a hard time denying even to myself the thrill that runs through my body when him unexpectedly touches me.

I quickly wash and scrub as much paint off my palms and wrists as I can, drying hastily on the towel Effie definitely sent from the Capitol.

But I find myself with a sudden irrepressible urge, one not even the food downstairs or Peeta waiting can quench. As I pass by the art room, I see the painting he was so meticulously working on now sitting on his drying table, leaving the canvas empty.

I know I shouldn't invade his privacy but, after everything else we've been through, there isn't much he would keep from me.

At least, that's what I tell myself to rationalize my prying away as justifiable.

I walk to the table, as quietly as I do in the woods when hunting prey, as not to tip him off in case he is listening from the kitchen. I'm unprepared to offer my excuses for snooping to his face, despite the fact I can't picture him being too put out with me.

I am also utterly unprepared for the vision that awaits me in the now finished painting.

Laying flat on it's back, the painting stares directly up at me as I approach. The canvas displays a beautiful girl, with black hair and large grey eyes and a very endearing, bashful smile. There's a variety of flowers in her hair and in her hands she's holding a small bouquet of dandelions. There's a warm, glowing sunset behind her and a willow tree in the distance. It takes me a moment to realize, but her sweater is a dark shade of green, more pleasing to the eye than any leaf or shrub I've ever come across, even on the Victory Tour, in the most lovely botanical gardens the country had to offer.

The girl in the portrait is beautiful and shy and happy and you can see, even in a painting, that she doesn't enjoy having her image captured.

I have to blink six separate times before it finally registers that the girl is me. Her skin is a multitude of colors, varying shades from where something ate a part of her flesh away. But instead of that making her less attractive, it only serves in making her all the more stunning. Her skin is a gorgeous vision and I don't know how Peeta managed the impossible. I don't know how he managed to make me beautiful, but he did.

"Katniss?" I hear him call, and I jump at the sound of his voice ripping me out of the moment. His tone is light and playful, and I have to swipe my hand across my eyes to rid myself of the moisture that's leaked out before he sees. "You coming to dinner?" He asks from the bottom of the stairs and I give the lovely work of art one last look before I follow his voice, a rare, uncontrollable smile forming on my mouth as I shut the door behind me.

After everything else that's happened, only Peeta could make me feel like this.

/

A few weeks later.

I admire the bright yellow primroses, now in full bloom, the lightly blowing wind only complimenting their beauty and elegance instead of disturbing it.

I stare blankly at the flowers planted in my sister's honor. My sister who should be here now, should be stitching bleeding wounds and helping with the reconstruction of the town. My sister who should be admiring Peeta's frosted cakes and convincing me to dance with her in the living room by the fire. My sister who should have never been in the Capitol that day, should have been tucked away in Thirteen with our mother, should have never grown up as quickly as she was forced to or had her life stolen in a split second.

Peeta's fingers sift through my hair, unconsciously sensing the tension building in my body as I feel a rise of anger at all Coin and Snow took from me in the name of power.

I turn my head up to glance at him, craning my neck a little. I'm about to say something, I'm not sure what yet, but something to convey that I'm fine. Something to brush off what I assume are his concerns. But I'm surprised by what I see when I peer up. His face isn't what I expected.

Instead of concerned or curious, he's having his own sort of contemplation. Instead of even looking at me, he's staring up at the clear blue sky, watching the white puffs of clouds floating microscopically slow across the the way.

But his brow is furrowed and his mouth is turned down and he seems uncharacteristically miserable.

"What's wrong?" I ask, sitting up now. We'd been laying beside each other—maybe a little too close but neither of us seemed to mind—on the grass in my backyard, just trying to rest. We'd planned on working on new entries for the memory book today, but I hadn't slept at all last night and when he came over this morning to find me, still home and not in the woods, with my fingers pinching the bridge of my nose, it was him who'd suggested a day off, relaxing in the grass under the sun.

He barely glances at me now, not really acknowledging my inquiry. "Nothing," he states simply and his hand touches mine for the briefest of seconds before pulling away.

"No, tell me what's bothering you," I insist defiantly. I don't know if it's the crankiness from lack of sleep or if I'm just fed up with having words left unsaid between us, but I'm not backing down.

"Katniss, come on," he says exasperatedly and his tone irks me further.

Instead of snapping and saying something I may regret later, I just shake my head at him, pushing myself upwards and beginning the walk back to the house, with every intention of abandoning our afternoon plans of relaxation. "Okay, wait!" He calls in retaliation and I feel him stretch to grip my hand in his again, only this time not dropping it after only a moment.

I relent and move backwards, sitting down to face him cautiously. I'm not worried that he's going to snap or harm me, not even in the slightest, but I am worried that both of us in foul moods-with our minds that are already teetering just on the edge of sanity-will lead to a painful, heated argument.

The last thing I want is to fight with Peeta. As much as I hate to admit it, even to myself, I've come to rely far too heavily on his presence in my daily life. Driving him away is too agonizing to consider right now.

Peeta doesn't let go of my hand for a long beat and when he does, he does so in a slip so awkward it leaves me believing he didn't even realize he was still grasping it. "I was just thinking about Gale," he blurts out, his eyes wide and a little nervous.

I just stare at him though, waiting for him to elaborate. "You were thinking of Gale?" The name burns the inside of my mouth, the face of the person I once called my friend now only bringing the gut-wrenching image of my sister's last moments of life, as the bombs he potentially built floated from the sky down towards her and hundreds of other unexpecting children. "Wh-why were you thinking of Gale?" I press, my voice caught between shocked and angry.

But Peeta seems prepared for my strangled query. "I guess, I was thinking of every which way... I guess, I was really thinking of the possibility of Gale returning," he explains, and my blood turns to ice. My vision swirls at the very thought and I have to force myself to swallow as my throat suddenly feels very dry.

"Did you hear something I haven't? Do you know if he is coming back to Twelve?" I press as evenly as I can. It's fruitless though, as he shoots me a sympathetic—but still somewhat distracted—look.

"No," he promises, shaking his head. "No, I haven't heard anything about him. I'm just assuming that he will at some point-"

"Why?" I can't help but implore, my voice more aggravated than I intend.

Peeta gives me a look like the answer to my words is blatant. "Because this is is his home, Katniss. You're his home," he emphasizes.

"No," I instantly repel. "No, I'm not his home. Don't even say that. I-I'm not..." I can't seem to make the words come out intelligibility. Instead, I find myself choking on the sounds and syllables. "What even brought this on, Peeta? Why would you be thinking about this?"

At that, he shrugs and breaks his conflicted gaze away, leaving me boring deep into the side of his skull as if the answers I craved would be visible there. "I was happy," he offers quietly, after a long stretch of silence. "I was happy here with you and it got me thinking of all the ways this could be taken away from me."

Oh, I realize as his words hit me. Of course. Of course that's where his mind went. Because not so long ago, every single good thing in his life, from his family, to his home, to his freedom, to his sanity itself, were all viciously and mercilessly stolen. Of course Peeta has such little faith that anything good will last for him anymore.

Still though. To think of Gale as the thing to ruin our days together, our growing friendship, would almost be laughable if it wasn't so insane.

"Why him though?" I press, unable to comprehend his line of thinking. "Why did you think about him coming back?"

He shoots me the same look again, like he can't understand why I even have to ask. "Because that is one sure way you'd be done with me."

"What?" I exclaim, like he was speaking in a language I'd never heard before. "Why would that mean I'd be done with you?"

Now his expression turns downright exasperated and I feel like mine must match. "Because, Katniss. He's-he's..." He struggles with finding the proper wording again. Something that is so incredibly rare for Peeta Mellark that I don't even register it. "He's the one for you," he continues softly after a moment, no malice in his voice, just what he believes to be facts. "I knew that—I've always known that. Long before I knew much else about you, I knew that Gale and you were practically-"

"Peeta, stop," I cut off, maybe not soon enough. "Gale and me... no," I insist venomously. "No, he..." And if Peeta is struggling to speak, I'm know I'm obviously doomed right now. I take a breath and just stare into the blue pools in his eyes and force myself to speak, even if it's difficult, even if I'd rather be choking on a rusty nail right now. "I will never have anything to do with Gale again," I declare gently, doing my best to remain calm and steady.

Peeta shoots me a wary look and I suddenly have to question if he knows about Gale and the bombs. The question that can never be answered, the connection I'll never be able to prove or disprove, but know in my gut what the answer likely is.

He can't know, if he thinks there's a chance that I'd ever have any sort of relationship with Gale again.

"Peeta," I struggle to get out, feeling breathless before I've even began to utter any of it. "Gale is the one—or he might be the one, I don't know, I'll probably never know—who built or created or wha-"

But he's shaking his head rapidly, comprehension flickering across his face. "Katniss, I know," he says, and reaches out to squeeze my palm again. The unexpected touch sends a shock wave through my body but I'm too overwhelmed to really notice. "Haymitch told me about Gale's part in Prim's death."

I rip my hand away so fast, acting before thinking, betrayal spreading through my entire being before I have the chance to even process his words. "If you know that, why do you think I'd ever have anything to do with him again?"

Peeta is starting to really grind on my nerves with that incredulous look he keeps giving me. It's as if he cannot follow what I'm saying or thinks that I'm not seeing his side of the argument or something else that is quite obviously wrong.

How on earth could Peeta ever think that I would be able to look Gale in the eye after what he did? After what he might have done? Does the might of even make a difference? If there's any discrepancies between if he did or didn't murder Prim, how could I ever hold a conversation with him while that hangs between us? How could I meet his eyes and always be reminded I can never meet her's again? How could I ever trust someone like that, that made callous decisions in the heat of righteous anger? Someone who had no idea what it was like to be forced to murder and have it labeled a game. Someone who actively ignored the warnings of those who had? Who actively allowed himself to be used as a puppet for a radicalist who was no better than Snow himself?

Peeta's voice yanks me from my thoughts. "Because, Katniss," he starts gently, looking rather mournful, effectively softening my anger against him just a bit. "You forgave me. How am I any better?"

I just stare at him. "You couldn't help what you did, Peeta."

"Wasn't Gale used too? Just by Coin instead of Snow?"

"It's not the same thing."

"Why not?"

"You didn't possibly kill my sister. And God knows how many other kids," I finally say, the fight in my voice still hanging on.

"I almost killed you," he reminds me, as if I have forgotten.

"It's not the same thing, Peeta," I whisper again, my eyes more compelling, more insistent, than my voice now. He sees that, as he's gazing deeply into my steel colored irises.

He takes a deep breath, mulling over his words before speaking them aloud. I realize then he must have been thinking about this for a while. The concept disturbs me for some reason. Like he's been having this debate in his head without me and I'm late to the event. Like he was actively having this argument already and didn't think to even get my side of the story first. "What if Snow had programmed me to kill Prim instead of you? Then would you have forgiven me?"

I have to look away at that moment because I outright don't know what to say. Would I have been able to ever forgive him for it, for trying to murder my little sister while not in his right mind? Would I have been able to look past it, to see that he was used and abused and destroyed to get to me? Or would I have been so stuck on the idea of anything hurting Prim that all his trauma would have become background noise? Would Gale be the one here now, having this conversation with me, while I was denouncing Peeta's name?

I can't give him an answer and we swore not to lie to each other, in light of everything we've been through, so instead I turn my eyes up to look into the forlorn blue skies I've become so accustomed to and say the only thing I know is true. "I honestly don't know, Peeta."

He nods at that, almost immediately accepting my honestly. Almost like he anticipated those words from me. And he offers me a small smile before standing himself up off the grass and walking towards the backdoor to my house. "I'm going to head home for the day," he says quietly, with no resentment in his voice.

My heart sinks at his words, as some long stifled string inside of me wishes to attach onto him and hold him here with me. To refuse to let him leave until that forlorn edge evaporates from his gaze. But something more prevalent, more powerful, is also churning inside of me, something that cannot stand being withheld even for a day, and I find myself calling out his name against my better judgment.

"Peeta!" I exclaim urgently, my voice rocky and scratched.

He turns and looks at me, his eyes curious to what I could have to say. And I don't know what else to utter, but the truth. The misunderstanding I'm irrationally unsettled by, the misconception that I can't continue to let fester inside his head.

"Gale was never the one for me."

Peeta blinks in surprise at the blatant assertion. He opens up his mouth to speak several times, confusion marring his features, but nothing comes out.

And in case he somehow wants to rationalize my statement away, in case somewhere in his head the demon Snow planted is trying to squash any assurance my statement may inspire, I repeat myself again.

"Gale was never the one."

/

A month later.

"Haymitch, come on," I mutter, pushing my old mentor towards the front door. "Go home. Sleep off the alcohol."

The older man murmurs something equally unintelligible and also somehow still undoubtedly rude at me, shoving my hands away from his back, where I'm trying to aim him in the direction of the exit.

"The boy is much gentler," he snaps, swaying heavily with his vigorous words.

"We have always agreed that Peeta is superior to me. You can go to his house if you want him to tuck you in tonight."

Haymitch guffaws at that, out of his skull. "Now wouldn't that make you jealous?"

"Get out!"

"Night night, Sweetheart."

After he's gone, I lock the door in case he tries to come back, tries to raid my kitchen again or use my couch as a free bed.

Nothing is more freighting than thinking I'm alone in my house and then seeing a man sleeping in my living room, first thing in the morning.

As I head upstairs though, I realize what I just did. Giving Haymitch the idea to go to Peeta's house, to torture him with his inebriation like he does me, and I wonder if Peeta's angry with me now.

Not real, long lasting anger, of course. Just simple irritation. But still, as I change into my pajamas and brush out my braid, I wonder if I've now destroyed Peeta's night.

At first the idea of our mentor giving Peeta a hard time tonight still doesn't seem like a too terrible situation to me. Peeta's definitively the one that will put up with the tiresome antics of the old drunk until he can't any longer. He's the one who will be more likely to have mercy on a sloshed Haymitch and let himself lose sleep, too kind for his own good.

But then it hits me that when Peeta loses too much sleep, when his insomnia kicks in, or when commotion keeps him awake, he surely has a flashback the following day. Resting later into the day doesn't help either, as any disruption to his sleep schedule can really mess with him good.

I feel myself rush to the window across from my bed, peering out to look three houses down, to see if I can spot the paunchy old man heading in that direction.

I see nothing and no one. It's the black of night, in the middle of winter. No one else lives in what used to be Victor's Village, aside from us three. The road between our houses is cold and wet and entirely void.

Still, I try to squint, to see if I can make anything out over at Peeta's.

His light is off. That much I can tell. The light in his bedroom is turned off, the room is too dark to see into, porchlight is turned off, and all this indicates he's fast asleep, Haymitch went home to his own house and I have nothing to worry about.

However, something else catches me attention then. Peeta's window. It's open. Just like it used to be. Just like before the Quarter Quell. Even in the middle of winter, in the darkest part of the night, he's always kept his bedroom window open.

I tell myself it's paranoia, or it's neighborly kindness. But I decide to open my window as well, in case I hear Haymitch pounding on Peeta's door and disturbing him at an ungodly hour. In case I hear Haymitch causing a ruckus outside Peeta's house and I have to go get him before he causes any massive disturbance.

I tell myself it's because I feel guilt and not because I miss Peeta, even in my sleep.

Especially in my sleep.

I doze off, desperately forcing myself to believe that lie.

When I wake up three hours later, it's not because Haymitch is making noise. No, he hasn't made a peep that I could hear since I kicked him out.

No, I wake up because of a wholly unexpected cacophonous sound.

I wake up because Peeta is screaming.

Peeta is screaming loud, on top of his lungs, like someone is holding a knife or a gun to his throat at this very moment.

It's a sound I recognize instinctively. And not because it resembles the version of him that was rescued and brought to Thirteen.

No, I recognize the sound because it sounds eerily similar to the noises I make from nightmares of the same events, because of flashbacks of the same memories.

Most victors understand each other to varying degrees. We've all lived through literal hells, we've all had our trauma projected across the country, we've all been through horrible ordeals that almost no one else could ever empathize with.

However, most victors didn't win their games together. Most victors don't know what anyone else's personal nightmares are about. Most victors can't even imagine what any of the others are seeing, in any shadow of a dark room. In a the cobwebs of our minds that not even the most proficient doctor can clear. Most victors can't see the haunting reflection in the dark smeared glass that remains unique to each individual victor.

Except me and Peeta. Except us, the once Star-Crossed Lovers, the girl on fire and the baker's boy, the two mouthpieces of opposing sides of war.

The two of us understand each other on a level deeper than anyone else on the planet can even begin to imagine, and it's this fact that draws me thoughtlessly out of my bed at the sound of his cries, and over the threshold and down the street before I even realize what I'm doing. Before I can contemplate it and think my way out of doing it.

I pound on his door, turning my palm pink with the applied force. "Peeta?" I exclaim but all I hear in response is a gut-wrenching howl in pain. I worry for a moment that he's managed to injury himself somehow. That he's lost his prosthetic in his own frenzy and now is lying helpless on the ground.

I take a chance, pleading silently for the door to be unlocked as I turn the knob.

I'm not sure if I should be grateful that Peeta doesn't lock his doors before going to sleep—he doesn't even close his windows though, so how can I be surprised?—but for the moment I bask in the one lucky instance and make a mental note to yell at him tomorrow for it.

My tired, cold legs shoot up the stairs, racing towards his bedroom blindly through the darkness. "Peeta?" I call out again, quieter now than before, not wanting to give him a heart attack.

After all, an intruder, just about any intruder-even my own mother-appearing in my house in the dead of night, would probably knock me unconscious from the adrenaline overload that would surely overtake me.

Because unlike Peeta, I do lock my door—every single door in my house—at night, the image of anyone coming to hurt me while I'm asleep and at my most vulnerable too powerful for me to rationalize away.

But Peeta doesn't hear my voice now and even without any light, I easily locate his bedroom. Despite the fact I've never been in it before. That revelation occurs to me as I'm about to open the door.

Even in our closest and most sacred moments together, I never once set foot inside his bedroom. I'd barely even walked into his house prior to coming back to Twelve after the war. And when I did come here now, we typically stayed in the kitchen or art room for some reason.

All this races through the back of my mind as I push the door open and reveal Peeta, tangled up in his bed sheets, bare-chested and sleeping in only his pajama pants. His fingers clawing at the wall ferociously, his eyes wild as the deer I hunt, when they realize I'm there at the very last second before the arrow pierces their hearts.

"Peeta," I whisper now, my concern for what must have set him off overtaking any qualms I may still have. I try to tell myself to be careful and keep a safe distance, as I don't know if he's himself right now or if he's once again the loaded weapon Snow broke him down and turned him into.

But when he looks at me, his blue eyes wide and wet and terrified and awed, like he thinks I'm nothing but a dream, I can't make myself believe he's anyone but the boy who saved my life years ago. So many years ago now, it seems.

And when he whispers my name and blindly, instinctively, desperately, reaches for me, I just can't make myself stay away. Without hesitating, I lunge forward and for the first time since the Quarter Quell, I throw myself straight into his arms, like I belong there.

My arms wrap around his neck and I feel him pull my body to his, pulling me down against him, molding our two shaky forms together as one. He pulls my legs around his waist and wraps me in a hug so tight my ribs physically hurt and I can't even breathe.

I burrow my face into the skin of his throat, inhaling his scent in an unabashed, reckless act, and turn my cold cheek to lay against his rapid beating heart.

"I thought you were dead," is the first thing he whispers, as the tears still running down his face hit my forehead.

"I'm not," I promise, trying to make my voice convincing, even as I'm reeling by this sudden turn of events.

I never, in a million years, thought I'd ever end up in his arms like this again. This embrace, this comfort, is something else I truly believed Snow had stolen away from me.

"I dreamed you died," he whimpers again, like he didn't hear me.

"I'm here, Peeta. I heard you having a nightmare and I came. As fast as I could." I don't know why I feel the need to tell him this information, but when his trembling starts to lessen I feel slightly validated.

"I lost you," he whispers, his voice hoarse and broken.

"You couldn't lose me if you tried." The words come out without warning, and I'm glad somehow. I'm so tired of words being held back or dropped between us, of neither of us knowing what to say to the other. Of shoving down what we're both really feeling.

Even if right now may be the worst time for declarations, with Peeta exhausted and upset and visibly traumatized, I still feel relief spread all over my body, for having the guts to say what I'm thinking for once.

I see the wheels beginning to turn now, in his bloodshot, puffy eyes as he slowly begins to process the last couple of minutes that's brought us back into the position we held nightly only one year ago.

Has it really only been a year?

I expect then for him to recoil away from me, or apologize even, citing that he doesn't know what possibly came over him. But, to my surprise, he does none of that. Instead Peeta hugs me tighter to him, pulling up the covers he'd kicked away, effectively sheltering us beneath their protective warmth.

"Stay," he whispers into my hair, his arms shaking as they become a soothing balm around me, leaving me feeling safe in a way I refuse to ask for. Giving me back a refuge I considered all but gone. "Please, Katniss, stay with me?"

Without thinking twice, without giving myself a chance to second-guess the words, I whisper into his chest, exactly where I can feel his beating heart, "Always."

#everlark #thg #everlark fic #the hunger games #prompt #play with me 🥰 #ask #fanfic #my writing #fanfiction #gravity ♥️ 🌅 🥖 #cate 🦋🧸💗💐

[ladyfogg]

May I? - 26/?

May I? - 26/?

Fic Summary: Ensign Faith Diaz struggles to hide her mental illness from her fellow shipmates aboard the Enterprise until an intrigued Data goes out of his way to try to understand her behavior. At his insistence, Faith tries to figure out what she’s truly passionate about and eventually seeks the professional help she needs. Fic Masterpost.

Fic Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Data/Female OC

Warnings: tw: depression, tw: anxiety, fluff, friends to lovers, eventual smut

Screenshot courtesy of @geekygwen​

Faith hadn’t realized how much her duties had weighed on her until Data asked her to take shore leave. She knew that he wouldn’t have broached the subject if he wasn’t concerned. She had tried to throw herself more into her work. Geordi and Captain Picard believed she was capable enough to handle the responsibilities that came with her promotion to lieutenant, and she didn’t want to disappoint them.

Without realizing it, she had thrown herself completely into her work without thinking of anything else. Foolishly, she thought if she could just push through the exhaustion and anxiety, it would all get better. She had been wrong.

It didn’t help that the idea of taking a break and leaving the ship behind sent her into a nervous spiral.

After weeks of this behavior, Data had walked her to sickbay himself, where she was given a full physical by Dr. Crusher. The results were unsurprising: exhaustion. True, literal, physical exhaustion.

She was immediately put on leave and ordered to rest.

It was only then that she agreed to take a vacation. Data put in their official shore leave requests that same day. Commander Riker approved it within the hour, stating, “What took you so damn long?”

Now that the time had come, Faith found herself just as nervous as she was before. But she was determined to work through it, to take the advice from her doctor, counselor, and boyfriend. So, she had to let her anxieties go and prepare for the first vacation she'd had in years.

Data had offered to plan their time away and she let him, not only because she had no clue where to start, but because she knew he enjoyed making plans for them.

“Are you at least feeling some excitement?” Deanna asked during Faith’s therapy.

Given Faith’s current mental state, they had upped their number of sessions to twice a week. She currently sat in Deanna’s office, foot nervously bouncing. Per her request, Deanna had agreed to see her the day of their departure for one final pep talk.

“I’ve been trying really hard. It’s been difficult,” Faith said. “I know Data is looking forward to it and I don’t want to ruin his fun like I ruined his romantic date a few weeks ago.”

“Faith, I don’t believe you ruined anything. Considering that evening led to some very powerful confessions from the both of you.”

Faith smiled softly, remembering the way Data had told her he loved her. They had repeated the words to each other several times since it happened, and each time made her just as warm and elated as the first.

“I still have a hard time believing it myself,” she said.

Deanna smiled back. “I don’t. It was obvious that the feelings between you two were progressing. I always felt as though Data had some emotional capabilities long before his first angry outburst. As an outsider, it’s been wonderful to watch your relationship develop and to see the love growing between you two shared out in the open.”

“Thank you, Counselor.”

“Are you still uneasy discussing the intimate nature of your relationship?” Deanna asked. “Not that I want to pry. I just want you to know that should you wish to discuss those particular feelings, I am a professional and ready to listen.”

Faith smirked. “Sure that’s the counselor part of you talking or the friend part of you?”

Deanna giggled. “A little of both.”

Faith could feel her cheeks flush at the thought of her sexual relationship with Data. “All I will say is, his flawless precision and attention to detail translate very well into the bedroom.”

Deanna’s grin widened even though Faith could tell she was trying to keep her composure and demeanor professional. “Well, I am happy to hear that you feel comfortable enough with me to share such information.”

“After our vacation, let’s have a girls' night with Beverly and I’ll share more. Sound good?”

“I’ll hold you to that! So if there’s nothing else you wish to talk about, it is my duty as your counselor and superior officer to order you to enjoy your shore leave. Leave your problems behind. And enjoy much-needed alone time with your love.”

“I’ll try.”

Deanna gave her a big hug before she left. “You’ll do great. Just focus on a certain android’s attention to detail.”

That made Faith laugh and she hugged Deanna back. “Will do.”

On her way back to her quarters, Faith couldn’t help but stop by Engineering. She hadn’t been there in a few days and it was instinct to make sure everything was set before she let. Deep down, what she truly wanted to do was see if Geordi was somehow annoyed with her for not being on duty. The fear of disappointing authority figures in her life was as strong as ever. But she was working on it.

When she arrived, Geordi was as busy as always but paused when he saw her. “Diaz, what are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to stop by and see if you needed anything.”

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready to take your shore leave?”

Faith felt embarrassed for feeling like she needed reassurance from someone who was pretty much the same age as she was. “Well, yeah but, I still have some time. If there’s something you need me to take care of before I go…”

Geordi chuckled. “Everything is under control, Faith,” he assured her before she could continue babbling.

“Oh, okay. Great. Good. Sorry. I know I haven’t been my best lately. I just figured I’d offer my help just in case.”

Geordi studied her for a moment before putting his PADD down and giving her his full attention. “Faith,” he said, his voice in a soft yet serious tone. “You don’t have anything to worry about. I’m not doing to demote you because you need a break.”

A weight she hadn’t realized she carried lifted slightly and she realized how foolish she was being. “No, I know that. I didn’t think you would. At least, I hoped you wouldn’t.”

“Everyone needs a break from time to time,” Geordi said. “I’m taking my leave when you come back. No one can be ‘on’ all the time. I don’t expect it for myself nor the people I command. You’ve done exceptional work and have earned your title. Please don’t work yourself to death on my or anyone else’s account. You’ve more than earned your time off. Go. Enjoy it.”

Faith hesitated. “Are you sure?” she couldn’t help but ask.

Geordi laughed and placed his hands on her shoulders so he could look at her directly. “Diaz, go on vacation. That’s an order.”

With that, her turned her around and gave her a light shove towards the turbo-lift. Getting the message loud and clear, Faith allowed the movement and followed through. When she returned to her and Data’s quarters, the android was waiting patiently.

“Ah, Faith, there you are. We should be arriving at Tridas 6S in one hour. Are you prepared for our departure?”

“As prepared as I’ll ever be.”

She had already packed and repacked their belongings. Thankfully with replicators available at their destination they didn’t need to pack much. Spot had been fed and Barclay would be looking after her for the length of their vacation. With nothing left to do, she took a seat on the sofa and began her breathing exercises.

Data sat with her. “I believe once we are at the hotel, you will feel much better. I have chosen a location that offers isolation for those who desire, yet still has amenities for us to partake.”

The idea of peace and quiet with Data did make her feel better. “That sounds nice,” she said.

“I hope you will enjoy yourself.”

“I’ll try. I really will.”

“I will be with you the entire time.”

Wrapping her arms around him, she crawled into his lap and rested her head against his shoulder. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“I could list suggestions but I do not believe that is what you desire.”

Faith laughed. “No, no it’s not. I just wanted to let you know how much you’re appreciated.”

“Thank you. Would you like to rest here until it is time to go?”

“I would like that very much.”

They stayed snuggled together on the sofa until they were alerted to the ship’s arrival. Data and Faith weren’t the only ones disembarking. Others were taking shore leave on the planet, though Data and Faith were vacationing on a less busy side.

Before she knew it, she and Data were called to the transporter for their departure. Data took their bag in one hand and held Faith’s hand with the other. She clutched it tightly, giving herself an internal pep talk before they left their quarters.

Along the route, they ran into Captain Picard and Commander Riker.

“Ah, Data, Ms. Diaz,” Picard said. “On your way to Tridas?”

“That is correct,” Data said. “We will be vacationing at the Triple Seashore Cabins, off the coast of Sunterre Isles.”

“A nice quiet romantic spot,” Riker said with a knowing smirk. “Perfect place to be alone.”

Picard raised his eyebrow in amusement but let the comment slide. “I hope you both enjoy your well-deserved shore leave,” he said.

“Thank you, Captain,” Data said. “Is there anything you require before we leave?”

“No, not at all. Have a good time.”

Faith offered a smile and a nod. She didn’t say anything, not trusting herself to speak after her babbling incident in Engineering. Truth be told, she was plagued with nausea from her anxiety, her stomach rolling with each step towards the transporter room.  

Chief O’Brien stood at the controls and smiled at them as they entered. “Coordinates have been entered and the transporter pad is ready when you are, Commander.”

“Thank you, Chief.”

O’Brien looked over at Faith. “You alright, Diaz?”

She took a deep breath. “Yeah, yeah I’ll be fine.”

“I remember my first time taking shore leave after a promotion. Trust me, a lot of us have felt the way you’re feeling now.”

In the past, she would have felt like he was just trying to be nice. But her work with Counselor Troi had made her come to understand that many people did in fact feel the way she did and she appreciated his attempt to calm her nerves. “Thanks, Chief. It really is hard to tear yourself away from work, isn’t it?”

“Enjoy it,” O’Brien said with a reassuring nod. “Should be a smooth transport. Nothing to worry about. I’ll drop you right in the lobby of the hotel.”

Faith nodded and followed Data onto the transporter. With his strong hand in hers and smile, some of her anxiety wane.

“Energize,” she said.

She felt the tug of the transporter and the next thing she knew, there were standing in the small lobby of a comfortable-looking building. While the architecture was alien, the warm colors reminded her of many of the places she had been to on Earth. The knot of emotion in her stomach was still there but she was able to let out a slow exhale.

“You are doing quite well,” Data assured her, leading her to one of the many kiosks that stood off to the side. “Let us check-in and settle into our cabin. We are here for seven days. We can take our time.”

“Thank you for your patience,” Faith said. “And for planning all this.”

“You are welcome.”

Data checked them in and the two of them followed the floor markers through the hotel and out one of the back doors. When Faith saw the view, it took her breath away.

While she had done her research on the planet and where they would be staying, it hadn’t prepared her for the stunning ocean view. The building they had left sat atop a hill, which overlooked three distinct shores and stretches of white sandy beaches. His program on the holodeck was nothing compared to the real thing. The smell of saltwater invaded her nostrils and a warm breeze ruffled her hair. Her whole body relaxed as the sun, real sun, hit her face. Actually, there were two suns when she managed to glance up with her eyes shielded.

Data noticed the change immediately. “I was hoping a tropical setting would act as a reminder of where your family came from. I know you expressed the desire to return there at some point. As we are far from Earth, I thought this would be a close alternative.”

“Data, it’s perfect.”

She slipped her arm around his waist as he slipped his around her shoulders. Together they walked for some time until they found the cabin that would be their home for the next two weeks.

After spending so much time on the ship, listening to the hum of Engineering and conversations of her fellow crewmates, Faith appreciated the crashing waves.

Their cabin was a small wooden building, surrounded by numerous kinds of vegetation and a deck that jutted out towards the shore. The ocean was only a few feet away and Faith imagined when the tide came in, the water could easily reach the steps.

“Do you like it?” Data asked as they walked up onto the deck.

“I love it.” She leaned on the railing, unable to stop staring at the gorgeous view.

Data placed their suitcase inside before coming to stand with her. He took her hand and they admired the stretch of beach before them.

“What do you wish to do first?” he asked. “Are you hungry? You did not eat much at breakfast.”

“I just want to stand here and watch the waves with you.”

Data smiled softly and remained where he was, holding Faith’s hand as they admired the view. That only lasted a few minutes because then Faith’s stomach rumbled, making her chuckle.

“I guess you were right. I am hungry. Where’s a place to get a meal around here?”

“We do not have to leave the cabin. There is a replicator inside. What would you like?”

“How about a picnic? We can spread a blanket out on the sand.”

“If you wish.”

As he went to gather what they would need, Faith kicked out of her shoes and stepped onto the white sand. It was warm and pliable underneath her feet as she walked towards the water’s edge. She closed her eyes and surrendered to the sensations.

She hadn’t realized how much she missed being near the ocean until that moment. It had been far too many years since she found herself on a real beach.

Behind her, Data’s footsteps approached. She turned to find him carrying a picnic basket with a blanket tucked under his arm. Together they laid out the blanket and Faith made herself comfortable while Data unpacked their food.

She recognized many of her favorites, snacks that she tended to eat when she didn’t want to have a full meal. Berries, cheese, crackers, assorted nuts, and a thermos filled with a smoothie that seemed to be made from the exotic fruits native to the planet. “This is wonderful,” she said with a smile. “I didn’t realize how much I needed this until I was here.”

“I must admit, I too did not realize I needed a change of scenery. Though I do not require rest, a respite from one’s work is important.”

Faith found herself glancing around on more than one occasion. For some reason, she felt like they were never truly alone. Maybe it was just her anxiety, or maybe it was because she was so used to their fellow crewmates. Either way, try as she might, she could never fully relax.

Data noticed. “Faith, I have scanned the area and our nearest neighbors are some distance. We have this stretch of beach to ourselves.”

She exhaled slowly. “Good to know.” As she reached for a piece of fruit, she snuggled up against Data.

He wound his arm around her and held her close while she ate. She didn’t have much, only enough to settle her rumbling stomach. Once she grew accustomed to her surroundings and felt Data’s familiar embrace, more of the tension left her until she was finally comfortable.

With a sigh, she closed her eyes and rested her head against Data’s shoulder.

“Faith, what would you like to do once you leave Starfleet?” he asked after they had enjoyed the silence for some time.

“You mean when I retire?”

“Retire or leave for something else.”

Faith considered his question for a moment, opening her eyes so she could watch the waves. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “At least, nothing specific. I think I’d like this. I’d like to be somewhere quiet, watching and listening to the waves.”

“I have always thought I might return to the academy later in my life, possibly to teach. But now…” It was so rare for Data not to finish his thought, at least with her.

When he didn’t continue, she gave him a questioning look. “Is that not something you want anymore?”

“I do not. The academy is not located on the beach.”

Faith smiled and leaned towards him. They shared a kiss before she drew back with a mischievous grin.

“Can you swim?” she asked.

“At first, I was unequipped to tread water but once this flaw was detected, Geordi and I made modifications to protect my circuits. I can also act as a floating device.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Yes.”

“Great.” Faith rose to her feet.

After a moment of contemplation, she decided to push the rest of her anxiety aside and started to strip.

At first, Data did not notice as he stood. “I believe the replicator can construct swimwear…” He paused when he realized Faith was getting naked. “Or we can swim nude.”

“You said our neighbors are far, right? And you will know if anyone comes close?”

“That is correct.”

Faith threw her shirt at him and gave him a playful smile. “So, let’s swim, android-boy.”

Data watched with wide eyes as Faith walked towards the water, fully naked. Which each step, any pesky lingering anxieties were gone, and when she finally felt the ocean wash over her feet, it was like her entire being breathed a sigh of relief.

She glanced back over her shoulder to see Data removing his clothes and carefully folding them. With an affectionate smile, Faith waited until he gently placed them on the blanket before he joined her.

Grinning, Faith pulled him with her as she ran into the next wave, allowing herself to get swept up in the water. It was so warm, it was almost like a bath and felt absolutely heavenly. Data remained perfectly still as the waves washed over him, dousing him completely.

Faith laughed at his lack of reaction. He gave her a puzzled look.

“Did I do something humorous?” he asked.

Faith pulled them deeper into the water until it was chest-high. “Only you can be washed up in waves and look completely unperturbed.”

“I was not aware I should be.”

“You don’t have to. Sometimes I forget how strong you are and that things like waves can’t push you over.” She swam in circles around him. “Have you tried splashing around?”

“No.”

Faith smirked and when the next wave came, she splashed it at Data, hitting him in the face. He blinked.

“I see.”

The next thing she knew, a huge wave came at her, sending her crashing backward under the water. When she came up spitting and coughing. Data was there immediately.

“Was that too much?” he asked.

When she could breathe properly, Faith began to laugh. “Just a little bit,” she said, still lightly coughing seawater in between her laugher. “Maybe we should stick to just enjoying each other’s company.”

She wrapped her arms and legs around him in a hug.

“While I do still have much to learn about human behavior, I can report that when it comes to our romantic interactions, I have developed some skill,” Data said, his arms automatically slipping around her waist.

“Data, you’re wonderful. You always say that you’re not human but through our relationship, you’ve helped me realize that I was barely human myself. At least, I didn’t see myself as such. You’ve always seen the best in me and helped me see it too.”

“I only spoke the truth.”

Faith hugged him close, their foreheads touching. “And it means the world to me.”

She kissed him deeply. Surrounded by the warmth of the ocean and the heat of Data’s embrace, she felt as secure as she had on the ship.

They swam for some time until the suns started to set and the air grew colder. Only then did they return to shore, gather the remnants of their picnic, and head inside.

While Faith showered, she found herself smiling, her body already feeling less tense by the minute. Why had she waited so long? Now that she had distance between herself and her duties, she could see why her friends were concerned. Up until the point Beverly examined her, she had been sure her feelings were all in her head. It turned out that was only partially true. The anxiety was in her head, the physical toll it had taken was very real. She had worked herself to the point of literal exhaustion and would have kept going if Data hadn’t intervened.

Speaking of her beautiful android boy, he was dressed in civilian clothing when she emerged, something she rarely witnessed. She was so used to him being in uniform or naked. To see him sitting there in gray pants and a blue shirt felt strange. She realized this was another side of Data she hadn’t seen before, one he himself probably hadn’t partaken in. The relaxed, leisure side was also an important staple of being human.

“We’ve talked about how I’m feeling but how are you doing?” she asked, sinking into the squishy sofa next to him. “Is this your first shore leave?”

“I have taken shore leave before,” Data said. “To attend conferences and symposiums. This is my first recreational shore leave.”

“And? What do you think so far?”

Data cocked his head, contemplating her question. “It certainly is different. When we left the Enterprise, I made it a point to halt all background processes having to do with Starfleet-related functions. I also wrote a vacation subroutine based on research I have done on what one does to ‘relax’.”

Faith picked up one of the glasses of wine that sat on the small round table in front of them. “I wish I could write a subroutine in my brain. It’d make things a heck of a lot easier.”

“I once spoke with Counselor Troi on the subject and she explained that when humans repeat certain behaviors, it is the equivalent of how I construct my programming.”

“Meaning if I want to relax I should try to do it more.”

“Correct.”

Faith chuckled and took a sip of wine, only to realize it was not synthehol. She sputtered and coughed, unprepared for the robust flavors of real alcohol.

“Are you alright?” Data asked. “I was assured this vintage was special.”

“Y-yes. I’m fine, I just wasn’t prepared for real wine. Where did you get it?”

“It was a gift from Captain Picard. He said it was from his family’s vineyard on Earth.”

Faith had no idea Captain Picard’s family owned a vineyard, which wasn’t surprising considering she didn’t spend much time with him. There was very little she knew of the Captain’s personal life.

Now that she was prepared, the next sip was delicious. “That’s so nice of him to share this with you.”

Data smiled. “Shared this with us,” he corrected. “He gave it to me when I informed him of our shore leave.”

She smiled softly. “That makes it even more special.” She held up her glass for a toast. Data followed through, tapping his glass to hers before they took a sip together.

Once they did, Data put his glass down and stood. On the wall panel, he pressed a series of buttons, and then the cabin was filled with soft music. Data offered his hand to Faith.

She graciously accepted.

As they slowly danced, Faith rested her cheek to Data’s, closing her eyes and enjoying the moment. They hadn’t had one such as this since the art show. It made her realize how little time she had set aside for romance. Not that she could blame herself. It had been years since she had been in any kind of long-term relationship and they had never been like what she had with Data.

“Data,” she said in a soft voice. “Will you make me a promise?”

“Certainly.”

“Promise me we’ll always make time for this. For us.”

“I promise. If you promise to do the same.”

She drew back to look him in the eye. “I haven’t been doing so well at that, have I?”

“You have been consumed with work.”

He was right. In her attempt to keep herself going, she had let a lot fall by the wayside, not just in regards to her health.

“That’s no excuse,” she said. “I’ve been so wrapped up in my own crap I’ve been neglecting you. And I’m sorry.”

“I do not feel neglected. My words were not meant to guilt you.”

“I know. And they didn’t. They just pointed out how distracted I’ve been.”

Data held her close, his temple resting against hers. “Allow me to provide an alternate distraction.”

Warmth flooded her system and she relaxed in his arms. “You’re doing a marvelous job.”

They danced for hours. At least it felt like hours. There was no one to interrupt them. No duties to get to. No one to tell them there were other more important things to do. Because at that moment, there wasn’t anything more important than the two of them finally having time alone. Time to just be together.

It was like a dream.

The quiet music. The wine. The dim lights. It was like Data had reached into her subconscious and drew out her deepest desire.

When the music finally faded away and the room was silent, Faith let out a content sigh. “I love you. So much. I never thought I could love someone this much.”

“I never believed I could love at all.”

“Oh, Data.” She slipped her arms around his neck and drew back to meet his gaze. “You’ve been loving people this whole time. In your own way.”

He smiled softly, the beautiful smile that she loved so much. She stopped their dance, stroking his cheek as she admired the face she had committed to memory. Data initiated the kiss, leaning in so quickly it was as if he couldn’t help himself.

His increasing impulsiveness when it came to affection always sent a shudder down her spine.

When they withdrew so she could catch her breath, she brushed her nose against his. “Let’s make use of that big bed in the other room.”

“A wise decision, mi alma.”

#lt commander data #Lt. Commander Data #commander data #data tng #Data Soong #may i?