#your mum jokes

[applesfallingfromblondehair]

the highlight of my day: men in their mid twenties making "your mum" jokes

#the 1975 #xfm mixtapes #matty healy #adam hann #ross macdonald #george daniel #that's a pound for the mum jar #your mum jokes

[itzkiwi]

…*’Relatable mood board~+.🌿

#yourmom #your mum #your mom #yourmum #urmum #urmom #mom #mum #meme #moodboard #relatable #relatable meme #ur mom lol #ur mom jokes #ur mum lol #ur mum jokes #your mom lol #your mum lol #your mum jokes #your mom jokes #momjoke #meme mood board #mood board #aesthetic #pretty #art #lol

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[kavehater]

I support girls but NAH THIS IS REACHING “if you look carefully LIKE REALLY CAREFULLY 🤓☝️”

#the same people who would shriek like the witch of the north melting her skin off if I tell you haikaveh / kavetham isn’t implied because #if you actually look into our culture they’re being normal and not everyone having rivalry and caring about each other means they’re 💅 #in fact Arabs are some of the worlds most hospitable people alhaitham letting kaveh live with him #is the most Arab thing I’ve ever seen #heck if kaveh was a stranger it wouldn’t be unusual for an Arab to let him in their house ☠️ #goddamn #“if you look in the internet you can see how they’re implied!🤓☝️” #maybe if you had any respect for my culture or any desire to be educated when I’m handing this to you for free you wouldn’t be your mistake #your mums greatest mistake 🤗🤗🤗* #dora daily #if only ppl dedicated this level of detail to actual culture compared to pulling out their microscope at level 100x magnification lens to #observe robins spots under her eyes the world would be a better place 🙀 #let me tell you btw this whole I hate you meh meh meh ( I’m so in love with you ) trope is the most whitest booktok millennial plant growing #basement dweller nonesense I have ever heard in my life don’t do that to my pookies ☹️ #( the pookies in fact were 11 and 9 years older than her respectively ) #guys my dad is the straightest man alive ( oh the trauma lowkey wish he wasn’t ) and he legit was putting his hand on his best friends lap #LMAOOO even I as a very logical person was like bro this is so zesty rn I am SO uncomfortable #anyways live laugh love boothill x Baizhu they’re the most canon things I’ve ever seen in my life #<- this is a joke btw it’s an ironic ship I saw on tiktok ☠️

[oifaaa]

#Polls #like chads captain of the football team #but so is brad #our school had to create another football team #so they could both be captains #brad like to make jokes about fucking your mum and your dad #hes inclusive like that #but im pretty sure chad actually has fucked my mum and dad #like i caught him sneaking out of their bedroom at 4am last week

[hella1975]

basically threw away £20 on my nails today so was already getting weird bc i apparently cannot be normal about money and then my paycheck came through just for my manager to have knocked off 11 hours worth of pay. so naturally i am crying in a dark room about it

#this is such a girl moment wdym you’re crying about your fucking nails. couldn’t explain it to you if i tried #im just an utter FREAK about money and then for my payslip to get fucked as well. whyyyyy would you do that #im not built for the working world truly idk how sensitive people do it bc i am NOT im tough as shit 99% of the time and i STILL can’t deal #just give me my fucking money it’s not fair 😭😭😭 i worked hard 😭😭😭 #and the dumbest brattiest part of this is that the thing that tipped me over the edge is that my mum didn’t offer to pay for my nails #like how ridiculous and spoiled is that but still i was so so angry at myself about fucking them up and it’s £25 to get them done tomorrow #and I’ve worked so hard for her this summer and both days I’ve been in town I’ve got her things #like nothing spenny but I’ve just thought of her and got her things I know she’d like just to be nice #and £25 is NOTHING TO HER AND SHE DIDNT EVEN OFFER 😭😭 she even joked it off #she was like ‘your dad would offer to pay if he was here but I believe in lessons’ GIRL FUCK YOUR LESSONS I WANT MY NAILS DONE 😭😭😭 #why am i actually in tears over this. this is so silly. now all my money is fucked and im going to be the skint one when we go to dublin #AS USUAL. even though i worked hard and clocked the hours it still got fucked bc im fucking. cursed #im aware im being dramatic and this isn’t even about the amount of money i have atm i promise this isn’t some desperate bankruptcy claim #like for once im actually fine money wise it’s just all been FUCKED and my dates are now FUCKED bc i have to wait for next paycheck now #and it’s so unfair bc usually things go wrong for me bc im DUMB and mess it up LIKE MY NAIL APPOINTMENT #but for work and dublin i literally planned it perfectly and did the hours and it still didn’t work #like what is WRONG with me. i hate being an adult i need a sugar daddy ive had enough #the message I sent my manager…. scathing…. ik his scared of confrontation ass is panicking. give me my fucking MONEY #hella goes home

[occasionaltouhou]

regular touhou #23: local hakurei onmyouji successfully defeats demon through advanced technique "hit her on the head real good"

#touhou #singyoku #occasional art #non-occasional touhou #this is a lazy one sorry. i couldn't come up with a good joke for em #tbh my headcanon for singyoku has always been that they're reimu's mums and they had a weird gay thing going on #'why does reimu beat them up then' reimu beats everyone up. also sometimes you just gotta fight your mum

[blackberryjambaby]

fake dating AUs appeal to me because i would absolutely do that shit. in fact if any of you need a fake partner i will happily back up any & all lies you tell people about us

#rj speaks #i'm not joking . you want someone off your back? you want them to see what they're missing? your mum's getting weird about the fact that #your younger sibling/cousin/her friend's younger child has a partner & you don't? just bored? i will fake date you for free #in fact 'just bored' gets you priority over anyone else because that's an infinitely funnier reason to get in a fake relationship

[not-equippedforthis]

i just know this man would be fucking unbearable in monopoly

#can you IMAGINE victorian sherlock in an uno game? my god #not even gonna mention cluedo #god imagine this motherfucker getting his hands on a game of cluedo #catastrophic #granada holmes #acd holmes #sherlock holmes #jeremy brett #he looks like he just told a your mum joke #not equipped for rambling #someone lands on his property and he gets this exact look on his face #he RUSHES to get hotels #would either aim to piss everyone off or treat it wayyyyy too seriously #type of person to taunt someone in jail and then get stuck in jail himself 2 rounds later #hed treat trading seriouslu #i feel like lestrade would offer you the most horrendous trade deal youd ever seen just so that he can complete a set

[wylans-flute]

"I had a question," said Kaz. "About your mother and whether the rumours are true."

#your reminder that kaz made a your mum joke #its so funny #the more i read it #comedic genius kaz brekker #kazzle dazzle #baz krekker #kaz brekker #kaz reitveld #six of crows #soc #crooked kingdom #ck #book kaz brekker #book kaz

[joltik-guy]

Oh? You like spinda? Then name every spinda variant. /j

I mean I like your mum but I still couldn't name every guy she's gotten with

#joltik guy #irl pkmn #pokeblog rp #pokemon #pokereality #pokemon roleplay #pkmn rp #rotumblr #irl pokemon #pokemon unreality #/silly #is a your mum joke dont look too much into it

[beaft]

why do people keep trauma dumping on my funnee posts. stop that

#me: cute post about me joking around with my mum #everyone within earshot: wow it must be nice to have a mother who doesn't BEAT YOU and POUR BOILING OIL DOWN YOUR THROAT #be shh now

[saintchaser]

james: marlene, what do you want for christmas?

marlene: euphemia potter, also known as your mum

#marlene is a huge fan of your mom jokes because mommy issues (relatable) #anyways idc what anyone has to say about your mum jokes i love them and no one can stop me from making everyone say them #james potter #james potter incorrect quotes #marlene mckinnon #marlene mckinnon incorrect quotes #marauders era incorrect quotes #shitposts

[sneefsnorf]

ur a fake ass loser and you hate women

#sneefs text #SORRY. blind rage. this is a joke. mostly. #im not your mum. feel however you want about characters #i respect you and your bad opinion

[just-another-bored-killjoy]

day idk at hostel: both roommates teamed up to make fun of me.

#oversharing on tumblr part unknown #i cannot fathom how people think this is okay to do #i eat more here than i did back at my home #she's threatening to call my mum and tie me to my bed and feed me #like brother i had 4 meals today what else the fuck do you want from me #then they proceed to joke about my meds and how they never need any because they're ''normal'' unlike me #well congratulations #would you like me to vomit on your face? #i try to explain how every individual has a different eating capacity #then go quiet mode #and they're like ''tumhe kharab laga kya🥺🥺?'' #haa laga kya karoge abh? #pagal hai inlog kaha kaha se aa jate he #didi is still fine she knows her limits #but this bitch first year wali #chases me with spoons #like girl im an adult i can take care of myself #and my parents are so fucking worried about my eating #they have been for years #and now im actually getting better and she wants to ruin it for me? #like she has no fucking idea how better i am rn #i can not help if my def of better is her ''oh no bechara bachcha kuch nhi khata'' #fuck you man #ah yes sorry bohot emo ban gaye aaj #anyways what else would you expect #tw eating issues #just incase idk what to tag this as #un dono ko sone do mai unke baalo me aag laga dunga #bitches wont even let me watch doctor who in peace

[sensazioneultra]

fatphobia is always tiring like always always but when it comes from your own family it's like. extra exhausting. it hurts soo bad. you can't ever escape it

#like that one coworker who pokes fun at your relationship with food and it's obviously rooted in fatphobia? you'll just go home and he won't #be there it'll hurt for a bit but you'll live #but like beside super dangerous fatphobia (talking life or death shit like medical fatphobia) the one that does the most damage to me #is that coming from my own family.. it's just. you already put 43 conditions before the 'i love you' (that you don't ever say but anyway) #and then when i gained lots of weight that was... another one to add to the list #but maybe i'm not used to it yet idk it's been quite a few years atp but idk? #it just hasn't gotten easier to hear them call me ugly and fat (in a derogatory way) and make mean comments and shame me every other day #like! it hurts so bad! why do you think it's funny!!!!!!! #this doesn't include my mum bc (sadly) she understands what it's like to be shamed for being fat she wouldn't do it to me #not like in a purposefully mean way at least #tho she does do some insidious shit like always going 'there's this new EASY diet that TOTALLY works' or saying x health problem is probably #due to my weight etc #which like isn't good? doesn't help? still hurts me? but it's different bc i know it's not rooted in hating fat people/me being fat #it's more like her own shit she went thru that she doesn't want me to go thru too and like yeah it's fucked up but i get it more than #just outright saying i am disgusting for being fat lol #like mh both suck but at least you're not joking about the fact even if i didn't eat i would be fine cause i'm so fat haha #yeah. just. a lot. #there's no escaping it i think the only way would be to move the fuck out and that would also help with uh. the misgendering thinly veiled #homotransphobia abuse constantly having to put up w their fighting and sometimes fighting w them myself #and the ableism and and and and #basically this is lowkey hell like i've learned to live with it more or less but jesus it is extremely exhausting #i just want out i've wanted out for years but every day i get closer to losing it #there might be something potentially coming up but i have to wait til the end of the month to see if anything comes of it #we'll see.. i rly hope i can rent this place idc if it's small idc if it'll suck most of my paycheck and i'll have to ask for my mum's help #i just need to at least try and get away cause like. i get to august every year and my father is absolutely impossible to deal with #and i know my mum feels the same and i hate leaving her ajnd my brother too but like #at some point i have to think about myself cause god what use am i even to them when i'm a ghost of myself in this house #it's just shit for everyone plus if i really get to rent that place it's literally IN FRONT of my family's apartment i could still help out #but at least i wouldn't LIVE with them i wouldn't feel so fucking trapped #whatever. bad bad bad day physical pain wise too