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pl-panda · 4 years

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The vines that bind us - Chapter 3

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“But…! But…!?” Mari shouted after the closing doors. She could hear a cheerful shout as the elevator left the level.

The girl placed the box on the desk and collapsed on her knees. She just numbly stared at the gray wall in front of her. She noticed that that the floor was actually a fluffy, dark blue rug. At least she could have her meltdown in a comfortable environment.

“Sarah?” A voice called from the desk. For a moment, Mari thought someone was in the room the whole time, but she noticed a small device which was probably an intercom. “Sarah, are you there?”

She quickly got up and walked over to the device. There was a blinking red lamp over one of the buttons. She hesitantly pressed it. “Um… Excuse Moi?”

“Who’s that?! What have you done with Sarah?”

“I… I… I was supposed to be the new intern, but she just… She… I… I think she just hired me and quit…”

“Ah. Okay.” She could almost hear the shrug in the voice. “I need you to bring me the LexCorp deal we are finalizing tomorrow.”

“But… But I have no idea about being a Personal Assitant! How can I be hired?” She shouted at the device.

“Probably something in your contract? I dunno. About that deal?” The boy asked.

Mari wanted to argue, but a big folder with the LexCorp logo got her attention. She grabbed it and walked to the doors. After knocking twice she pushed it slightly. The girl expected to see some clean and ordered office of the CEO of a big company. Instead, to say it simply, the room was a mess!

The documents laid scattered everywhere. There was a strong smell of coffee permeating the air and she noted a smashed cup. In the corner, there was a table with what could only be called an altar on which a coffee machine with a golden frame stood proud surrounded by candles. The desk was ginormous, easily twice the size of her kitchen table. It was also full of papers tossed around and several boxes stacked on one another to the point where the whole structure risked falling apart. By the doors, there were two pots with some plants that were long dead. She wondered why the janitor didn’t water them, but then she took another look and wondered when any Janitor last saw this room.

Mari tried to walk without stepping on the papers, but it would require to either learn how to fly or walk on the ceiling.

“Um… Sir? I think I got the folder you said you needed?” She more asked than stated.

“Put them with the others!” A voice came from under the desk. Mari did as she was asked. She was about to leave when her tablet beeped. She looked at the notification and her eyes went wide.

“Sir?! You said the meeting was tomorrow?” The girl asked.

“Yes, why?”

“What day is it?”

“Um… Sunday?” He deadpanned

“It’s Monday!” She shouted at him.

“I would know if it was Monday… I think.” The faceless voice answered, but his voice wavered.

“I just got the message that Lex Luthor is here to see you!” She panicked.

“Oh bat! Bat bat bat!” Was the response.

“What am I supposed to do?” Mari kept on sinking. “The security is asking me?! I’m not qualified to make such decisions! That guy’s suit is probably worth more than both my houses!”

The CEO finally got his head out from under the table. Now the girl could see that he was around her age. What was with this company hiring teenagers!? Besides his age, he was dressed in a dark gray suit and white shirt that spotted several brown stains, probably coffee. He was rather handsome, with black hair and steely-blue eyes. “Stall him!” He shouted and started frantically gathering the papers. He then tripped over a toppled mug and fell face-first into the tower of boxes. Just like she predicted, it collapsed, spilling even more papers around.

“Ugh! You stall him! I will sort this out!” She shouted, switching from ‘panic mode’ to ‘Ladybug mode’.

“What?” He looked at her confused. Instead of answering she looked around. A plan quickly formed in her head. She grabbed the folder that he previously asked for and pushed it into his hands. Then, she grabbed him by the back of his collar and dragged the boy out of the room and into the elevator. Mari practically tossed him inside. Before the doors closed, she grinned at him and slid her hand over the control panel. Now the elevator would stop at every level.

“Ups! Silly me! It’s my first day at this job…” She faked remorse with the same effectiveness Lila faked dating Damian Wayne. “Remember to read the folder one more time!” She shouted after the closing doors. When he was gone, she sighed. Now the hard part.

Mari rushed into the room and let Tikki out from the inner pocket of her coat. “Tikki! How am I supposed to clean this all up?! It would take hours to even see the floor! I’m supposed to be an intern, learning things!”

“Calm down Marigold!” The Kwami tried to calm her chosen. “You just need to believe in yourself some more. And maybe get some help?” Tikki smiled suggestively and nodded toward the two near-dead plants.

“I love you Tikki!” Mari exclaimed before turning toward the sad pots. She touched each of them gently so they would not be hurt and allowed her powers to flare. For a few seconds, her eyes turned vibrant green and her hair became dark-blue while her skin got a green tint. The brown receded as plants soaked the new energy in. It didn’t take long before both were back to their prime and then grew some more, forming vines that would let them walk and more, which would let them grab things. Mari directed them to gather the papers and stuff them into the closet while she got to cleaning more obvious things.

Firstly, she got the boxes and used them to build around the coffee altar, hiding it from the view. She feared touching it in any way but also didn’t think monsieur Luthor would look favorably at it. Eight boxes were just enough to hide it. There were still several coffee stains on the rug that she had no idea how to clean. She tried to use a watered napkin, but it did little good. Finally, she pulled decided to move the desk slightly forward to cover them.

Mari looked at the desk. She estimated it was at least ten to twenty times heavier than she was. The girl walked around and started pushing. Slowly, it moved forward. She could hear the elevator ping outside. Damn! She was too slow. Suddenly, the desk became much lighter and she quickly moved it. The plants helped her. She could hear them sing praise to her for reviving them. She promised to water them as often as they needed before ushering them to stand by the doors just as two people entered the room.

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Tim grumbled under his breath as he was tossed into the elevator. The girl then pressed every button and sent him on his way. He had to admit, the plan was brilliant. She said she was an intern? Wasn’t Sarah supposed to be the one helping him? Nah. It was probably nothing.

He opted to skim through the folder. The deal itself was rather straightforward, but he didn’t trust Luthor as far as he could throw him. His documents were already looked through by the Legal Department. It was now only the matter of familiarizing himself with them so he wouldn’t sprout some nonsense at Luthor.

Once the elevator finally arrived at the ground level, he was met by a very irritated Lex and his personal assistant/bodyguard Mercy. The woman had her usual expressionless face on.

“Exactly how much longer did you expect me to wait?” The businessman asked with a sneer.

“Yeah. Sorry. My new assistant accidentally pressed all the buttons. She didn’t yet get the hang of all the cybernetics.” Tim lied swiftly before welcoming them into the elevator. He did his best to hide the fact he was sweating heavily. He had no idea what state his office would be in, but he doubted that the girl could possibly make it presentable in such a short time. Even just the boxes he accidentally knocked over must have been heavier than her, so there was absolutely no way she would move them.

“You’re ‘sorry’?” Luthor asked with a raised eyebrow. The sneer never left his face. "So, I assume this new assistant of yours will have the time she has wasted removed from her paycheck, yes?"

“What? No! Dude! It’s her first day.” Tim protested. “She needs time to get a grip on things. Cool a bit, would you?”

The elevator ride was in simple words awkward. Tim was looking over the deal in silence while Luthor was clearly pissed. Neither spoke to each other and if one looked at the other, it was with some degree of disgust. Suddenly, the younger man remembered why he disliked meeting with Lex so much. He felt dirty and had the urge to get a bath. If it was up to him, Wayne Enterprises would cease all cooperation with Lexcorp, but sadly that’s not how the market worked. Sometimes, you needed to work with a slimeball or people would lose their jobs.

When they finally arrived at the top floor and the doors opened, Tim saw that the desk where the assistant should be was empty beyond the box with her things.

“Maybe you should warn her not to unpack if she keeps the unprofessional behavior,” Luthor commented.

“I’m sure…” Tim started when they were entering the office, but words died in his throat. All the papers were gone and she moved the boxes around his Holy Coffee Machine! He was sure there would at least be the coffee stains, but they seemed to have disappeared. Wait, wasn’t his desk a bit closer to the window? Nah. There was no way she moved it. How did she make the plants look so green? They were dead when he left. Did she switch them with Bruce’s office? Who cares! There was a steaming cup of coffee on his desk. It was red in black polka dots. Tim had trouble focusing on anything but the nectar on his table. The smell that reached him almost made him float toward it, but he stopped himself.

“Oh! Sorry. I was just leaving the coffee and the documents you asked me.” She said with a smile and handed him a folder with large ‘confidential’ on the front.

“Um… Thanks?” He looked at her flabbergasted. How did she do all that? And how can one make coffee so strong?! She needed to teach him!

“I will leave you to the meeting then.” She said quickly and left the office.

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Once outside, Mari collapsed into a chair by the desk. Her desk now…

“Tikki! What am I supposed to do?!” She moaned

“Don’t worry Marigold!” The small goddess comforted the girl. “I’m sure you will do great. You just need some help from time to time.”

“I can’t believe you summoned the coffee cup for him!”

“I felt bad I couldn’t contribute more.” Kwami giggled. “But seeing his expression I did well.”

Resigned, Mari started to browse through the box. The number of folders almost gave her a panic attack, but Tikki nuzzled into her neck, giving her some more confidence. Instead, the girl reached for her tablet and quickly called Chloe. She half-expected the girl not to answer, but to her relief, the Blonde’s face appeared.

“What’s the problem?”

“Problem? No! No problem at all! Why would there be any problem?” Mari reacted on instinct, trying to hide behind a cheery mask. Seeing Chloe’s unamused expression, she relented. “I somehow got hired as the personal assistant and the previous one quit.”

“What!?” The blonde shouted. “They can just do that?”

Chloe scrambled to look for her mentor. Interning in the Law Department had its merits. After a moment a woman in her early thirties appeared.

“Mari-bear, Meet Ethel. She is my caretaker. Like I needed one.” the girl complained.

“You accidentally made a hundred copies instead of ten,” Ethel said with some amusement

“So? Anyone can make a mistake.”

“You tried to pick them all up.”

Chloe wanted to argue some more, but Mari’s giggle on the other side reminded her why they were all there.

“We’ve got some problem. Apparently, my friend’s here mentor decided to hire her on the spot and then quit.”

“Oh! Congratulation. You must have quite the CV then.” The woman clearly couldn’t see the problem.

“Expect I have no idea how to be a personal assistant.”

“Wait! You’re Sarah’s girl?” Ethel asked hesitantly. “Oh, you poor baby!” She cooed. “Honestly that woman! I know she was overworked but that was low even for her.”

“I… assume Sarah wasn’t liked too much?” Mari asked.

“It’s not that… She was quite well-liked actually. The problem is that she was too ambitious and went about it the wrong way. The rumors about her trying to seduce both Bruce and Tim circulated the company for some time now. She wanted to get to the top, by all means necessary, and it blew in her face. Sarah was trying to run away for quite some time, but the stipulation was she found someone for her place.”

“Oh…” Mari honestly didn’t know what to think about it all.

“Yeah yeah. As much as all the drama might seem interesting, I’m more curious about how did Mari-bear get hired?”

“In your internship deal, there is a clause that allows your supervisor or mentor to hire you if they consider you fit for the job.”

“But… What about the guardian’s permission? Or my permission!?” Mari screamed.

“You gave it by signing an internship deal,” Ethel commented. “Tell you what. I will look into it and meet you in the cafeteria at lunch.”

“Um… Okay? What am I supposed to be doing until then?”

“Try learning the basics of working at WE. You were supposed to get a guidebook. Lawyers advice: read it as soon as possible.” Ethel joked before handing the video to Chloe.

“Look at the bright sides Mari-bear. You are at least getting paid.” The blonde joked before sending her best friend a virtual hug and ending the chat. Mari collapsed into the chair. It was a disaster. She did pull the aforementioned book and started reading the basic procedures. She was so focused she didn’t even notice when the doors behind her banged loudly and a very irate Lex Luthor walked over to her desk until he slammed his fist down the desk.

“I don’t have time for incompetent idiots.” He sneered.

“Oh! Please forgive me, sir. I’m still learning the ins and outs. It’s my first real job.” Mari answered honestly, but for some reason, it only served to increase Luthor’s frustration

“I wonder how would someone so inexperienced end up in such an important position, but I can see you are still more competent than Drake.”

“I will take that as a compliment.” The girl smiled, but there was a mocking note in her voice. She showed him that his opinion mattered little, which was the best way to piss the self-important CEO off.

“Whatever. I want a meeting set for next week at the same time as today.”

Now, Mari had little experience with being a personal assistant, but it didn’t mean she didn’t know how to deal with clients. And say what you want, Lex here was just a client. Incredibly wealthy and influential, but a client. He definitely wanted the deal more than Mr. Drake.

“I’m not sure if there is an opening at that time. Could you please leave a contact number so we can set something up? You can also email me. I think I will get access to company mail tomorrow though, so that might not be very reliable.”

“Contact number? Email?” Lex looked like he was having a stroke. “Do you have any idea who I am?”

“Um… should I? I mean I was born in Gotham, but I spent the last decade in Paris, so I’m not exactly up to date. I can tell you are not Gabriel Agreste or Jagged Stone.” She bit her tongue. They have hair.

“You stupid little…” He scolded her, but Mercy put a hand on his shoulder. Luthor straightened his back and fixed his tie. “Fine. Tell Drake I will be contacting him personally.”

“That is sweet of you to try and lower my workload, but he will probably have to run it by me anyway. Let’s cut the middle man, kay?” Marisass strikes again.

“What?!” Lex screamed. “You… You…”

The girl did not say anything to the stuttering businessman, but slowly pushed a sticky note and a pen toward him. Resigned, Lex muttered several curses under his breath and scribbled Mercy’s number. When she reached to collect it, he grabbed her wrist.

“In the future, I would be careful who do you antagonize, child.” He sneered. When he tried to tighten his grip she suddenly broke free and pulled his arm closer.

“Just because I spent some time in Paris doesn’t mean I don’t remember how to be a Gotham girl. Have a nice day Mr... Mercer?” She said after stealing a gaze at the piece of paper. Letting go of his arm, she gave him the disarming smile number four.

Tess Mercer had to practically wrestle her boss to drag him away from the alteration.

Mari relaxed in her chair and twirled the phone in her hand. This recording was priceless. Even if she couldn’t officially share it (according to the manual), it would definitely lift her spirit some. She was now back in Gotham and it was time to start acting like it.

#maribat au #maribat #marinette dupain cheng #Mother!Ivy #miraculous ladybug #miraculous lb #Miraculous #batman #DC #mlb x dc

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legionofpotatoes · 3 years

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alright here’s ma thoughts on that flick I mentioned

we hatewatched a*my of the dead because we were CONVINCED “zombies in las vegas” would be an impossible concept to screw up, but in so assuming we obviously invoked a holy wager with the universe and got reminded, once again, that hoping for improvement from someone who’s dependably put out bad art is never a wise choice 😐

but we were honestly kinda roped in by the marketing??? and expected a goofy fast-paced flick with the odd traditional undead metaphor thrown in, framing some sort of relationship drama maybe or hell even nothing at all! we’d have taken pure indulgent storytelling, idk italian job with zombies in las vegas, I don’t know fucking anything but??? whatever this was???? spoilers below for it is time for One Of My Rants

I mean the main reason I really want to write all this and complain. this film here probably has the most unappealing cinematography I have ever experienced in my life and that is saying something. who the fuck signed off on that CONSTANT shallow-ass depth of field that imprisons your eyeline and turns every shot into bokeh paste???? and I mean every shot almost!!!! I promise if you think I am overreacting just throw a dart at the seek bar and watch twenty seconds from wherever it lands. it is horrifying to look at. at least it gave my girlfriend a good visual shorthand for what it’s like when I lose my glasses

why was sean spicer in this movie. did they pay him to be here. was sean spicer paid hollywood money for his scene in this film because fuck everyone who was involved in that decision

the legitimately baffling hints at the extraterrestrial origins of the infection that went absolutely nowhere and had no dramatic or plot-level bearing. we love to see the franchise sprouts fellas

yet another big budget waste of everything hiroyuki sanada has to offer. and bautista too I guess? I like him but man was this an odd career move

what was the crux of his conflict/resolution with his daughter btw. I understand it was rooted in miscommunication over their forms of grief irt mom but uhh… it was all rather clunky and didn’t land for me. I tried I really tried to buy in but something was wrong fundamentally with the groundwork there, it did not click and their catharsis felt unearned. I know there’s massive amounts of tragic baggage being projected there from the author so I’m not slapping any judgment down really;

but again it would be an easy thing to wave off if they just had a vibrant cast of lovable simpletons with good chemistry and the kinetic sense of plotting the trailers promised (and this premise never discounts good drama, either). but instead it was just two and a half (!) hours of meandering into situations the filmmaking instincts had no idea how to flow in and out of

to wit. I know talking about “bad pacing” is associated with armchair bullshit but consider the example of the scene were dieter does an out of nowhere little dance after childishly screaming but then still-killing a zombie, with the film framing this as a micro character triumph, and not a second later the bg soundtrack instantly fades into an orchestral score dramatizing a nearby mcguffin reveal, completely 180 degreeing the tone without a semblance of deft insert shot stitching or even I dont know a fucking jump cut maybe. now imagine this whiplash for 2.5 hrs uninterrupted

I will keep complaining about the length yeah because this was not a story requiring this much real estate to be told. Uhh in my humble and personal opinion, of course

[man sees zombie tiger] “this is crossing the line!” you can in fact write dialogue that is not utter nonsense that falls apart once you drill down its single fickle layer of referential meta winking. what line are you talking about. you have rules in this insane situation you’re in? total nitpick moment I know but it got burned in my brain for some reason. like a microcosm of the mismanaged dramatic instincts paired with weird writing that dots this movie. I am sure the director calls this either satire or genre deconstruction. I am SO sure

tumblr domino meme that goes from “dude getting sucked off while driving” to “entire las vegas literally nuked”

tig notaro is always great to see but once you know she’s been filmed as a separate greenscreen plate months after photography wrapped - cause she had to apparently replace some abusive asshole but that’s a whole other pig not worth fucking - it becomes impossible to unsee her odd detachment from everyone else in the movie lmao. it doesn’t really “ruin” anything on its lonesome but it is hard to unsee

why. was. sean. spicer. in. this. movie

a very simple key ingredient missing from fully turning lip service sympathy for main uruk hai dude into actual empathy that would generate meaningful conflict with hero family would be to spend a bit more time articulating what he internally wanted the most. because he was obviously trying to do something here with pointed agenda. a family, to have kids, build a caste system, save his wife’s head, return to his planet??? all of these could represent the bigger context in his psychology that spurred his vengeance but none of them are dramatically emphasized long enough for you to cheer him on. I’m not asking too much I promise. Articulating interiority of a mute character is pretty doable with deft cinema language, just gotta linger and hold a shot here and there for a few seconds, frame as his POV, donezo. I know this is also one of those like. “who cares” moments but the movie does, very evidently so, in making this guy an actual character. you can kinda piece it together and create a framework of sympathy for him, sure, but then again he ultimately becomes a foil to be killed and not defeated, so. Ehh whatever

quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was not a wildly childish covid allegory quarantine zone stuff was n

the rooftop helicopter fakout at the end was such an ass-backwards, manufactured moment of what could be a simple setup/payoff it just pissed me off??? you gain nothing by giving sad dad five seconds of pointless crisis that flips right back to previous status quo ANYWAY, except for a weaksauce waste of runtime, which could be used instead to get inside notaro’s head and actually SHOW the remorse form as she took off, literally maybe even a frown playing on her face as she’s headed for safety right before we cut back to drax and the kid. just a simple-ass, minimal, momentary setup for what is the most basic filmmaking trick of creating macro catharsis moments. Just???? g o d if you can’t even land that shit why are you even doing any of this

that lil run final pam did was very very charming and super choreographed in a way that was the tiiiniest bit overdone

the whole intro with the simul-backstories and posing with family photos was just… oddly motivated. what was the goal? “here’s what we’re fighting for” vignettes? why? it’s not a functional setup in that vein. what was all that

also I am sorry if this is insensitive but the reasons most characters end up articulating to justify going back into the hell that destroyed their lives makes them sound seriously insane

I dont like complaining about CGI (honestly) but so much of it in modern movies can achieve higher fidelity if the animation is simply subdued. Do not overengineer and over-apply 2D cell methodologies and kinematics to each tiny twitch and movement in a hyper 3D model and I promise you. it will look a thousand times more natural. look at thanos in those last two movies. your rendering and detail are absolutely perfect with the tiger you just have to let stuff sit instead of constantly simulating swaying hair strands and firing off all facial muscles at once. great moment at one point where makeup zombie horse and CG zombie tiger are both in one shot together and just by unnecessary amounts of movement alone you can tell who doesn’t belong. again; detail, rendering, compositing, lighting, all picture-perfect; but y’all just gotta let the animation breathe sometimes, and chill it out

plot holes don’t really matter to me but it was kinda funny how lilly decided not to mention the enormous wrinkle in intel pertaining to an actual territorial tribe of intelligent zombies that require human offerings to let you pass, just so that reveal could play out in real time through the joyous punishment of the cartoonishly misogynistic dude

total chad move for mister uruk hai and final pam to rule from a rusted swimming pool complex

the ending with vanderohe oh my god. with the. cash stacks at the airport register. and specifically them working in his favor. that is literally something you do to get arrested under suspicion of theft. it was almost played for laughs and I respect that. coulda been goofier. make these movies goofy ya dorks

anyway, weird, weird movie. bad marketing. message unclear (something something sins of the father???), baffling editing instincts, literal worst-looking cinematography I ever laid eyes upon. Confidently dying on that last hill

#text #long post #aotd spoilers #aotd critical

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harveywritings92 · 5 years

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Dick Grayson x Older! Reader ch 3

The following is a non profit fan based story Batman, Red hood, Nightwing etc. belongs to DC Comics please support the official release.

I gain no profit from this nor do I own anything other then OCs and whatever sprouts from my imagination. Thanks for reading!

Dick falls for his babysitter who's three years older then him.

Dick ages 9-13-19/20

Reader ages 12-16-23

a few nights later...of the two avoiding each others existence...

Dick didn't get much sleep lets just say he had a rather interesting dream about Y/n, it involved he and Y/n in the pool and she was wearing this very tiny bikini and they did little more than just swim. Dick let out a tiny groan, once he realized what just happened he shot up out of bed, and ran to his bathroom for a very cold shower. "what is wrong with me?!" he spat leaning against the tiled wall trying to clear his head...

He shouldn't be thinking about Y/n like that! he has a girlfriend! he felt dirty and ashamed...Dick doesn't know how he'll be able to look Y/n in the eyes after this! It was stupid anyways, as if she go for him! she was three years older then him! the h/c just sees Dick as a little kid a nothing more! those kisses she gave him were just flukes!...it meant nothing...totally nothing..

Sure enough, Dick had rough time looking Zatanna and Y/n in the eyes (not that he and Y/n weren't already avoiding each other.) and if anyone called him out on it. he would go into a nonsensical rant until the subject dropped or chalked it up to him being tired, Y/n suggested to Bruce that the boy stopped drinking Gatorade before bed, Which confused the billionaire why she wasn't telling Dick herself "are you angry with each other?" He asked wondering what caused a rift between the two teens.

Y/n avoided the question or changed the subject...Bruce cocked a brow a thought back to two weeks ago...How out of it Dick was acting he would get flustered and sigh...

The raven haired man's eyes widened, one of them must have finally made a move, or said something about the obvious romantic tension between them! and both parties didn't take it well, considering the crappy timing; Y/n just got out of a relationship and Dick is currently in one...Bruce rubbed his temples and sighed he decided to let the kids sort this out for themselves.

A few weeks later things sort of went back to normal...

Except, Dick got a big shock when he came home to Bruce and Alfred congratulation Y/n about something, she noticed him watching them confused. "Oh Dick! I'm so glad to see you,I was just so excited! I drove over here!" She hugged him confusing the younger teen even more as to why she was talking to him. "I submitted an essay for a foreign exchange program! I'm going to London!" Dick's mouth felt dry as an odd feeling settled in his chest. "For how long?" he asked trying not to sound panicked as he gawked at the h/c girl.

"Until I graduate." Y/n said without hesitating Dick got oddly quiet and just went up stairs without saying anything, despite Bruce and Y/n calling after him, but he ignored them. he spent most of his time hull up in his room or at mount Justice with the team; who quickly picked up on his bad mood.

Wally finally asked what was up "Y/n is leaving.." Dick mumbled listlessly as the speedster tried to remember who Y/n was...when the light-bulb went off, he snapped his fingers "Oh right, your hot nanny!" he said earning a cold glare from Artemis who was walking by his room. "She's not my nanny!" the raven haired boy growled angrily causing Wally to put his hands up, and he closed his room door so no one bothered them then turned to his friend.

"Okay...Attractive not nanny is leaving because?" he cocked a brow at the younger teen who frowned "She got accepted by some foreign exchange program at her school and won't be back till after graduation..." Dick mumbled pulling his knees to his chest...Wally observed his friends body language and set jaw his nose was a little red he couldn't see his eyes because of the sunglasses but, had feeling that they were swollen and not from allergies.

"Dude..Do you love her?"

Robin snapped his head up and glared at the speedster. "What kind of stupid question is that? she's my friend! of course I.."Wally cut the younger teen off. "I don't mean love in a friendly way...I mean like how I care about Artemis." the younger teen blanched and shook his head "n-No! that just..nuts! besides I'm with Zee..."he said with a nervous laugh trying to throw Wally off, but the speedster frowned obviously not buying it.

"And I failed a math test on Wednesday, your turn."

"She...she kissed me twice."

"Now were getting somewhere..."

Robin ended up telling Wally everything that's been going on with his life. the feelings he's been having for Y/n. how he and Zatanna have been fighting a lot lately. how he nearly went off the deep end when Y/n almost got assaulted, than she drunkenly kissed him, second time was after spending a day out together trying to keep her mind off her ex, but Y/n freaked out and ran before he could talk to her, it was weird seeing Robin so serious about something that wasn't mission related.

"And...How long have you felt this way dude?" Wally asked clearly concerned for them, It's obvious Y/n felt something for raven haired teen, Robin hadn't noticed, but Wally didn't miss the way the h/c would steal glances at the boy wonder, and she wouldn't have kissed him if she hadn't, people tend very truthful and assertive when they're drunk.

"I think since the first time I met her...it was like she made everything in the world just stopped a moment..." the speedster resisted the urge snicker that was cheesy..."And Zee never made you feel like that?" It's a good thing these rooms are sound proof, the magician would be upset if she heard them. "Don't get me wrong I felt a spark when we started going out, but I'm not so sure about us anymore..." The boy wonder mumbled. "She's a good girlfriend...but, I think we're better off as just friends."

It's true. it was no secret both Robin and Zatanna have been having problems lately. the team could hear them arguing in the halls, it was either about each others attitude, or her hanging around the Demon or Him cancelling dates or standing her up for patrol. because the villain of the month escaped and Batman needed him. then one of them would apologize and act like nothing happened then the cycle would start all over again. both teens were pretty much at the end of their ropes.

"And besides even if me and Y/n got together it's would be trouble she's 16 and I'm 13."

"And it's only three years bro, not that big of an age gap and...wait! Transformers 4!" Dick looked at the ginger confused. "does Gotham have Romeo and Juliet laws?" he inquired curiously Dick shook his head.

"Wally that's in Texas, and even if Gotham did, I would have to be 14 have my dad's permission for that to work out."

"Dang, you did your research..." The speedster sighed as Robin hummed "comes with the job...In case of kidnappings and runaways..." He sighed Wally gasped "No." the raven haired boy cut him off before he say it, The last thing Dick wanted was a scandal and media storm of [Bruce Wayne's adopted son runs off with tutor!] that would be a Vicki Vale field day and a man hunt waiting to happen.

"Yeah, now that I think about it that is a terrible idea." Wally sighed they were pretty much stumped..."Well when is she leaving?" the green eyed boy asked "day after tomorrow Bruce is throwing a party for her." Dick mumbled the ginger hummed watching his friend sulk.

"You should just tell her how you feel bro." Dick whipped head around and looked at him like he grew three heads. "Did we not just conversation about this?" the younger teen began only for the speedster to to hold his hand up.

"Just, tell her if Y/n feels the same way then wait, if she doesn't then hopefully if she's not scared off or awkward about it...she'll still cherish this friendship you guys share." Robin seemed to think this over for couple moments, Wally's right it's better he's tell Y/n now, keep it bottled in and regret it after she's gone. "Thanks Wally..." the speedster gave him a thumbs up and went back his homework.

While Robin went to open Wally's door only to find Zatanna about to knock "Uh, hey Zee I was just-" the magician girl cut him off "Rob we need to talk." she said seriously before leading him to the the briefing room, And pretty told him what he was planing to tell her.

Their relationship just wasn't working anymore ,and she can't stay in a relationship if they're gonna argue about the smallest things! it would be better if they just stayed friends. They hugged and parted ways...Now with that said and done. Dick's mind was clear to think about what he was going to say to Y/n...

#dick grayson x reader #dc comics #wally west #zatanna #young justice #robin x reader #nightwing x reader #Bruce Wayne #Batman

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killervibe · 5 years

Note

Killervibe title: The Ramons

Note: I used The Middle’s episode 3x13 car scene as the template for the majority of this prompt. Like…..That scene (and that family) is exactly future Killervibe. You can’t tell me otherwise lol.

“We’re having a family meeting.” Caitlin deposited her cranberry juice on her coaster with a sigh, settling into her chair at the dining table.

Cisco ran his hand through his hair, psyching himself for big fat tears.

Dante frowned, bypassing the greens for rice. “I thought this was dinner.”

“It is dinner, take your peas.”

Amalia pushed the bowl to her brother with a pointed glare. “Dante Stein stopped eating vegetables because he got freaked out about genetically modified organisms.”

Cisco stopped cutting Heath’s chicken into smaller pieces. His front teeth were loose and he’d been complaining about it all week. “What?”

Dante shoved chicken into his mouth, talking with his mouthful. “It’s called being a vegetarian!”

Amalia choked.

“Honey, no.”

“Mom. Educate him.”

“You’re all putting poison in your bodies!”

“Your brain is poison! Mom always buys us healthy food!”

The two began to squabble and Caitlin clicked her fingers at her children.

“Okaaaay!” Cisco shouted, whisking the bowl of peas from the middle of the table to serve a portion on his son’s plate anyway. “Dante, you’re not a vegetarian. Amalia, don’t be mean to your brother. Heath, stop laughing.” He looked around and realized there was an empty seat. “Wait, where’s the baby?”

“Ballet, remember? It’s Tuesday,” Caitlin said gently, putting her hand over his.

He nodded gratefully. Between Star Labs and this house, Cisco swore sometimes he wasn’t sure what year it was, forget the day of the week.

“Your mom and I were talking about a family meeting. Which we’re having. Right now.”

The kids quieted at his clipped tone. He’s known to be the fun parent, Cisco knows that’s how they see him, but he’s not afraid to be serious. And this matter was not a joke.

“We have some sad news. Your aunt Clarissa passed away yesterday.”

Amalia dropped her fork. “I–What?”

“The lady who gives us candy?” Heath asked.

Cisco ruffled his hair. “Yeah buddy.” Some sad white lilies sprouted along Heath’s delicate branch, twining around his arm.

“She was old, Amalia,” Caitlin explained to their eldest. “You knew that. And you should be comforted, she died very peacefully in her sleep.”

“That’s not comforting at all!” Dante exclaimed, horrified. “I go to sleep every night! I’d be more comforted if she died in a freak storm.”

“Dante,” Cisco snapped. “Have some respect. Half of your name comes from her family.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, swiping his blondish streaked hair out of his face.

“Besides,” Cisco couldn’t help but add. “In your sleep is what you’re shooting for. You just close your eyes and never wake up. You won’t know.”

“You’ll never even know?!?!” Heath spat.

Caitlin shot Cisco a sharp glare. “The point is, this is our first death close to the family since...” She broke off, looking down at her nails on her lap. “We’ll have to go to the funeral.”

“Ugh, funeral homes.” Dante Stein shuddered. “I’m never ending up in a place like that.”

“What do you mean? We’ll all end up there. Everybody dies. I mean, except Uncle Barry, but you know what I mean,” Amalia said.

“Not me,” her brother argued.

Cisco ate silently, watching his children, wondering where on Earth he went wrong. “If you figure out a way to avoid it,” he started sarcastically, “You let us know.”

“I already did,” Dante Stein snarked back, lifting up his hand to form a block of ice. He plopped it in his glass. “I’m gonna be frozen.”

Caitlin’s face twisted. “You’re gonna be frozen?”

“Ew, Dante.”

“Relax, Amalia. Not my whole body, just my head. Think about it, when I go, the world is gonna be sad. They’re gonna want me back. When mom and dad find the cure to whatever killed me, then they’ll unfreeze me.”

“That’s creepy. Isn’t that the plot to Frankenstein?” Heath piped up.

“Yes, Heath. Good job,” Caitlin praised with a straight face. Cisco doesn’t know how she does it.

“You’re assuming that mom and dad would still be alive,” Amalia replied, and at this point his family have all but forgotten about dinner.

“Nora’s good with science,” Dante Stein shrugged. “I bet she’d do it. Or maybe Argus.”

Cisco shared a look with his wife, who had seemed to have mentally checked out of the conversation. He put his hand over her knee.

You okay? he mouthed. Cisco knew she’d been withdrawn since they got the news from Lily. Caitlin loved the Steins with all her heart. And it hurt his heart, to see her sad. The kids right now weren’t making this any easier.

“How would you know they put your head on the right body?” Amalia demanded, shaking her fork at Dante Stein.

“If I were you, I’d want my head to be put up on another person’s body. Here’s an idea–If you go first, I’ll freeze your head and put it on a dude’s body.”

“Dad!”

Cisco pinched the bridge of his nose. He needed an aspirin. But hey, at least they weren’t crying.

“You’re not freezing my baby girl’s head!”

“Daddy I’m thirteen!”

“Still my baby. Amalia it’s okay. He won’t do it.”

“No!” she exclaimed hysterically, nearly knocking over her glass of apple juice. “No, he will! Daddy, he will, and you won’t be here to stop him! Look at that evil face! Mom make him promise he won’t freeze my head!”

“Dante Stein, promise to your sister you won’t freeze your sister’s head and put it on another body.”

Dante Stein pushed around the food on his face, contemplative. “I don’t know that I can make that promise.” He took a bite distractedly, smug at Amalia’s frustrated garbled yell.

“You’re eating the peas,” Heath pointed out quietly.

Dante screamed out in fear, spraying mushy half eaten peas all over the dinner table.

Cisco blinked.

Caitlin pushed her chair back abruptly, having had enough. “Mommy’s gonna take a nap.” She took Heath’s hand, pulling him out of his seat. Cisco glanced to his side to find he ate all of his dinner. “You clearly are the reasonable kid this evening. Wanna watch some Netflix with me?”

Heath smiled widely, pink cherry blossoms blooming along his branches. She turned to their other two.

“Visitation is on Thursday. The funeral’s on Friday. I don’t want to hear a word or see a second of this nonsense there.”

Cisco leaned back in his seat when Caitlin rubbed her hand across his shoulders. She bent down to kiss him gently, and he brushed her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Don’t forget to pick up the baby.”

Cisco set an alarm for three minutes before the ballet practice was over so he could breach to the studio, knowing he likely would forget if he didn’t.

The kids bickered until they realized Cisco had his arms crossed across his chest, displeased.

“Are you mad at us?” Amalia asked in a small voice. “Is mom mad at us?”

Cisco’s face softened, “Oh baby. No. But–you two were being very insensitive. Your mom is grieving. She’s sad. She wanted to talk to you about Auntie Clarissa, and why she was such a wonderful woman and you didn’t let her.”

Dante Stein went cold, frost growing over his dinner plate. “I–I didn’t think of that.”

“It’s alright,” he reassured him. “But your mom doesn’t want to hear you two fighting every night. Okay? Can we do that this week?”

The two looked at each other. There was a four year age difference between the them, and sometimes Cisco forgot how much older Amalia was than DS. She grew exasperated pretty quickly of his antics. But he was just a child, and Cisco didn’t want to curb his expression or shoot down all his thoughts. They didn’t with Amalia, but that’s when they were a family of three and four. Not six. Still, his chest swelled with pride as his eldest children had a silent conversation with their eyes, seeming to have come to a silent agreement.

“Yeah,” Dante Stein said. “We can.”

Amalia nodded. “We will, Daddy. We’re sorry.”

Cisco stood up to put their food in the microwave. “I’m not the one you need to apologize to.”

“Okay,” Amalia said meekly.

“And Dante, you are never freezing any part of you siblings’ bodies. Dead or alive. Is that clear?”

Dante took too long to answer, and Amalia zapped him with a small vibe blast.

He jolted. “Yeah, fine, ok! It’s clear, dad. It’s clear.”

“Thaaaank you.”

It went quiet, and Cisco was done discipling for the night.

“First one who finishes their dinner–including their vegetables-- gets to choose the movie we’ll watch with mom after I pick up your sister when homework is done.”

The two scrambled for their hot plates, suddenly famished again.

Cisco smirked at the two, tucking his hair behind his ear.

Yeah, he smiled to himself. Still got it.

#the flash #the flash fic #killervibe #amalia ramon #dante stein ramon #tkv fic

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cynthiaandsamus · 5 years

Text

Game Blondes Crystal Clear Nuzlocke Part 3: A Gooey Situation!

“Hey I’m blonde!”

“…I’m also blonde.”

“AND WE’RE THE GAME BLONDES!!”

“Welcome back to Game Blondes! Last time we got a shiny Eevee, and two, count ‘em TWO badges out of sixteen, though the game’s gonna start scaling up the more badges we get so we gotta be careful not to lose any more pokemon…”

“Don’t worry I’ll be fine, I’ve only lost a rat so far, now that I have something to work with I’ll be able to do stuff a lot easier.” Samus grinned confidently. “Went back to the Professor and got a Togepi (named Sunnyside) which immediately goes in the box, no way am I risking taking a literal newborn on this death journey.”

“Probably a wise choice… don’t want to tempt fate.”

“Well now that I have two badges I guess that qualifies me to operate a squirtbottle… you’re world is weird Cynthia.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Well now I’ve annoyed some living trees and gotten Cut from the dude. Guess it’s up the Sprout Tower now, not sure if it’s at all necessary but couldn’t hurt to get up there and see what’s going on.” Samus shrugged. “Oh… apparently they just give you the HM now as soon as you enter if you have the badges… Well is there anything at the top or not!?”

-One Encounter Later-

“YEAH FUCK THAT! It doesn’t count if I reset before anything faints! Nopenopenope I’m out!”

“I don’t think anyone can blame you, the run would just be over now if you didn’t.” Cynthia chuckled.

“…we may or may not come back to that later but more than double my level is not great, should’ve guessed when there was a “are you sure you’re up for the challenge?’ guard at the bottom of the tower… Still I wonder if there’s something good up there to make it worth it…”

“That’s a challenge for another day.” The Champion smiled.

“Well I don’t wanna just go through the game like normal… Even if I can do the badges in any order I still need to walk all the way there, so I don’t wanna just skip through gyms when they’re right there…”

“Why not go fuck around in Kanto for a bit? The train drops you off in Saffron so you can get to most of the region from there and pick badges at random.”

“Good idea! To fuckery!” Samus cheered. “Alright, in Saffron now, whole different country to fuck up with my sequence breaking nonsense.”

“Now that I think about it, it’s probably ironic that a Metroid protagonist is playing the pokemon game where you can sequence break…”

“SPEEDRUNING BABY! FUCK THE INTENDED ORDER!” Samus hummed. “Well most of the houses here are closed but I did get the Psychic TM, gonna teach that to Polly so my starter has a little more firepower.”

“Wonder if Silph Co. is another unstoppable hell gauntlet.“

“They don’t even let me go up… but I got a free Up-Grade for Polly! Okay, next badge I’ll go back to that kid in Goldenrod and evolve her. Might as well go kick Sabrina’s ass while I’m here…”

“HA! The guard in the normal games tells you the Up-Grade can’t be bought anywhere else. But since you can buy it in the department stores here, they added dialogue so he gets upset about not being told it was already in department stores, that’s cute.”

“Good lore for the changes I guess.” Samus snickered.”There’s two gyms but one’s empty, so guess the other’s Sabrina’s. Well Danny’s in charge here, wiping out these Psychics with a Ghost-type should be easy. See? That Channeler went down easy!”

“…and Danny’s dead.”

RIP Danny the Gastly Route 31-Saffron City, Lv. 5-Lv. 13

“Eh… I was NOT expecting that guy to have a level 18 Kadabra and I kinda forgot Gastly was a Poison type in addition to a Ghost type… well there goes my whole plan for this gym…”

“You’ll make it through, see? You’re already at Sabrina.”

“Yeah but I feel like she’s gonna be a higher level, I mean one of her minions killed one of my pokemon and I’m down a main teammate and my main strategy, think I’m gonna grind a bit and fill that empty slot before I come back, not taking any chances…”

“Better safe than sorry I guess… even if it is a bit cheap.” Cynthia sighed.

“Let me go back and bury my dead ghost and go out into one of these fields and catch me a new dude. Which way should I go? I can go pretty much anywhere from Saffron… any of the cardinal directions anyway.”

“Well you know what they say, Go West, Young Meowth.”

“…who says that?” Samus grumbled. “West it is then. ..and immediately who the hell is this guy?”

“Oh shit he has a Porygon too! Time for a Mirror Match!”

“Awww yeah, there’s no beating Polly!”

“Oh wow he has a Shiny Togepi too. I mean it’s still an egg baby but it’s a sparkly egg baby.”

“That was surprisingly tough for an egg baby, must be hard-boiled. Still at least it’s not another casualty and he gave me a bunch of money and five level balls. So that’s nice of him, speaking of which this is a new area so I can catch a new pokemon~!”

“Oooh an Abra, good luck with that!”

“Trying out one of those new Level Balls then, here goes nothing!”

“Heck yeah! Since it’s a Psychic that just wants to be left along I’ll name it Mob. Looks like it’s close to evolving too so I may use it for a bit.”

“Well might as well have a look around Celadon while we’re nearby. Erika might be a better fit for your next gym battle since you have a flying type and a few psychic moves that’ll do well against her grass and poison types.”

“Yeah… wait… the game corner here sells the Berserk Gene!? What the hell!?”

“Yeah that’s… strange…” Cynthia quirked a brow. “Rather cheap too…”

“I mean I guess it’s not super useful but still… Weird placement. Those Leftovers might be good to save up for too, but that would require more gambling… Oooh! Heracross!”

“Can I get it? Please Please!?”

“Well I guess Celadon City is a new area, so if it’s the first pokemon you encounter you can get it, sure… but just this once…”

“Whoohoo! Time for a gambling montage!”

-80’s Music-

This is a gambling montage~

Samus is gambling all her money away~

We’re not allowed to show this part in Europe~

She’s Gonna get that Heracross~

This is a gambling montage~

-montage end-

“Well since it’s blue and armored I’ll name her Gravity like my suit, looks like she’ll need a bit of grinding but should be fun to use~”

“Well a couple of training battles in Erika’s gym later and Gravity has a few levels and Hooters evolved into a Noctowl.”

“These levels on these gyms are starting to get high though, I may have to do some grinding… hopefully I’ll be able to beat Erika at least… Still, a little training won’t hurt. This guy says he’ll give me Fly if I can get one more badge, so that’ll really open things up, all the more incentive to grind up for Erika.

“…well fuk it’s a Muk. And it’s like ten levels higher than anything I have.”

“Still, Muk are mostly defensive pokemon and you just have to weaken it, give it a shot.”

“Holy crap I caught it… wasn’t expecting that, guess I have a new teammate… I’ll name it Goo since that’s what it is. Doubt it’ll help much with Erika or Sabrina, but it’s always good to have a big tanky pokemon like that, I’ll think about adding him to the team somewhere…”

“And this is why we carry Antidotes… you were almost in trouble there.”

“Meh I’ll be fine, guess I’ll switch out Shimon the Poliwag for Goo the Muk since he’s my lowest level besides the new Heracross, we’ll see if this pile of sludge comes in handy soon.”

“Holy crap look how weird it looks when Goo follows me.” Samus laughed.

-One Grind Later-

“Okay a little bit of grind and Gravity is up to level with the others and all of Erika’s support trainers are gone, I’ve got Goo and got him an Ice Punch TM, I’ve got a Noctowl, got Polly knowing Psychic and got Gravity being a Bug type, and just in case I’m buying a couple Antidotes so I think we have a decent shot at this battle, here we go!”

“If worse comes to worse you could probably just lean on your overpowered Muk now that it has a move that’s great against Grass types…”

“Well I’m gonna try not to do that if I can help it, let’s start out with Noctowl vs her Tangela! Ha! Even if it puts Hooters to sleep, that Giga Drain does next to nothing against her! That was an easy first KO. Way to pull your weight Hooters! “

“Oooh Bellsprout next huh?”

“That’s part poison right? I’ll try Polly next then and hit it with some Psychic! HA! A one hit KO! Don’t mess with Polly!”

“Another OHKO from Hooters on that Hopip… you’re really tearing through this boss battle. Though to be fair grass-types have a lot of weaknesses to exploit and usually have to use status ailments to keep up.”

“Last pokemon’s Oddish, let’s go Hooters, make this a clean sweep! Well it managed to take two hits but it’s still no match for my awesome owl thing! Great job Hooters!”

“That’s awesome, three badges down, but you realize Sabrina will be even stronger now that you have more badges, right?”

“Crap… Well the Pokemon League called again and basically just told me to go get Fly, since I’m right here I can do that pretty easily, guess we’re set up for that. I can teach it to Hooters as a reward for winning that gym battle.”

“…wow so you can just fly to any city now huh? You don’t have to have visited any of them, guess you can hop around as much as you want now.”

“True, though I’ll probably be in trouble if I just go directly for the badges each time, the walking will help me get more levels too but if I wanna go somewhere I can just drop myself off and see what’s up around there. I can continue that sidequest with Professor Oak at some point too since I can just fly to Pallet Town and see what’s going on, and I feel like I can safely evolve Polly too, which I may do… NEXT TIME ON GAME BLONDES!”

Samus’s Journey So Far (Kanto Side):

Samus’s Current Team:

#Game Blondes #Let's Play #Game Grumps #Pokemon #Crystal Clear

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thebibliomancer · 6 years

Text

Essential Avengers: Avengers #203: Night of the Crawlers

January, 1981

Okay so this is a weird one.

And I’m not just talking about Wonder Man and Beast tussling with Puanepsion from Biscuit Hammer.

So Wonder Man and Beast were absent last issue, probably to better sync up the paperback novel and the comic adaptation.

Jocasta wasn’t able to locate them due to Ultron’s jamming and they never came back to the mansion after Wonder Man got fired from his shitty TV job. So where did they go?

It was kind of inevitable that we fill in that narrative gap but it didn’t necessarily have to be in Avengers. It might have been in another book and the only explanation readers of only Avengers would have gotten is ‘Check out this month’s Tales To Delight And Wow, true believers! ‘Nuff said!’

But obviously, that filling in happens here in Avengers. And its weird that it has all of the feeling of being a fill-in or filler issue when its written by the current Avengers writer David Michelinie.

I’ll get into why it feels like filler but damn this is a weird one.

I’ve covered most of the LAST TIME stuff so we start with the Avengers returning via giant windowed Quinjet to the mansion after their Ultron adventure.

After all that nonsense all they want are hot baths, cool drinks, and then to pass the hell out.

I guess the design for the Quinjet has stabilized because this is what its been looking like for a while.

After landing, the Avengers discuss some of the recent-

DEAR LORD VISION WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?

It looks like one of the yaranaika faces!

And Wanda, your tiara points are pointier than Batman’s ears OR shoulders!

Jocasta, you’ve sprouted some rivets!

Okay so the writer may be the same but we’ve gone from George Perez to Carmine Infantino and Carmine evidently has different ideas on how to draw the characters. I.e. they all kind of look off model.

Which contributes to the weird feeling that this book has so well done?

Anyway, where was I?

Iron Man and Captain America discuss how they just fucking left Ultron in the heavy metal plant. I mean sure he’s stuck under a blobby Ultron shaped shell of solid adamantium and can’t go anywhere but still.

Dig a hole and plant him in the hole!

He has a molecular rearranger that he uses to manipulate his own adamantium so maybe he can do something and escape! I don’t actually know how he gets out of this one but better safe than sorry! You’ll be sorry either way but you’ll be sorrier if it was something easily preventable rather than comic book nonsense like him having hypnotized Tony Stark off-panel!

Cap, pointy Wanda, and yaranaika Vision all head off to sleep until 7 in the afternoon.

No rest for the unintentionally wicked as Iron Man decides to use his downtime repairing the damage he did to Jocasta under Ultron’s influence.

But he discovers that Jocasta is already up and about, having been repaired by Jarvis.

Which sounds implausible but Jocasta wasn’t totally incapacitated by Iron Man’s hypnotized treachery so she was able to walk Jarvis through repairing her.

You go, Jocasta! Get by with a little help with your friends!

She and Jarvis do regret that she wasn’t fixed in time to either helped in battle or tracked down Wonder Man and Beast to bring them in as reinforcements.

Which makes Wasp wonder where those two are?

Now lets imagine the scene gets all wiggly as we go for a SCENE TRANSITION AND FLASHBACK COMBO.

Surprisingly, Beast and Wonder Man were not off getting crazy drunk like last time, right before the Red Ronin stuff.

They just... got lost somehow. On the way back from the studio.

Beast, a lifelong inhabitant of New York apparently and also the streets are numbered, has managed to get so turned around that he doesn’t even recognize a single landmark.

But he spots some street toughs loitering while carrying baseball bats and chains and thinks ‘hey those types always know their way around’ and asks them for directions.

The armed youths are also apparently jumpy, call Beast a ‘Crawler’ and start hitting him with a chain.

Now apparently Crawler is not a new slur for mutants. They’ve just completely mistaken Beast for something that looks nothing like him and does not in fact talk or ask for directions to an uptown bus.

That’s how jumpy they are.

The fight wouldn’t have been much of a fight had either of the heroes fought for real or if Wonder Man had done anything other than just lift up two of the toughs by their collars. But the ‘fight’ ends when Wonder Man calls Beast Beast and the toughs realize that these aren’t Crawlers, obviously. OBVIOUSLY. They’re Avengers!

They apologize for the violence, saying that things have been tense around the neighborhood since the Crawlers showed up.

And since the word has been thrown around a few times, Beast asks what a Crawler even is.

Lenny, the street tough: “A Crawler is scum, mister, that’s what it is. Scum that don’t even walk like a man. Scum that steals things, like food, an’ blankets... an’ children!”

Street tough Deuce asks Lenny whether they should get these Avengers to help them but Lenny dismisses the idea. They already asked for the police’s help and the cops laughed right in their faces.

So clearly they have to take care of their own neighborhood clearly.

And they head off into the night to loiter on other street corners and accidentally assault other people, I presume.

Before Beast and Wonder Man can absorb any of what just happened, a small child approaches them.

She introduces herself as Juanita Lopez, sister of Hugo, the kid taken by the Crawlers.

She explains that she and her brother are very close because their parents didn’t approve of them having friends. But about a week or two ago, Hugo began going off to play by himself. And around that same time there were a lot of break-ins at stores and markets. This was when rumors started of monsters that moved heavily and close to the ground - the Crawlers.

Juanita was worried about Hugo so she followed him, as ya do, and found him hanging out with a Crawler in a derelict building.

She screamed, as ya do, and the Crawler ran down a manhole.

Juanita took Hugo home but that night... he disappeared!

And then Juanita’s mom shows up and slaps her one for talking to strangers.

Juanita’s mom: “Hugo has run away. He will return when he gets hungry. Now come, you’ve work to do!”

And then the mom drags Juanita off into the fog. Which has been an ever present thing and maybe why the street toughs mistook Beast for a Crawler.

Anyway, with how odd everything is, Beast suggests that he and Wonder Man go wading through the sewers looking for trouble.

But first Beast undresses down to only his underwear. Because why ruin a perfectly good outfit? And also because aesthetic.

They soon discover a hole in the sewer wall where someone or something broke through.

Possibly turtles but that's unsubstantiated.

And heading through the hole they discover someone has placed torches along the walls lighting the way.

Curious and also more curious.

AND THEN THEY ARE SUDDENLY JUMPED BY CRAWLERS

but only for a panel so its all cool.

Hugo tells the Crawlers to “leave the anglos alone!” and then recognizes them as Avengers. Which is super cool to a kid who lives in a sewer. Real superheroes! Wow!

Hugo takes the two Avengers back to his sweet sewer pad and offers them sodas but Wonder Man just wants a tall refreshing drink of ‘will someone explain whats going on here?’

Prompted no doubt by a Crawler manspreading right in his peripheral vision.

So Hugo explains it all.

So some scientists were working on creating anaerobic life that could colonize space without needing air. But science is hard (and Hugo speculates that maybe they weren’t too bright) so they just dumped all of their chemicals down the drain because this was a super illegal operation. And then the anaerobic chemicals mixed with other illegally dumped chemicals and somehow this chemical mix created the Crawlers.

SCIENCE!

Or something that resembles it if you squint and are maybe also high.

Is mixing together random chemicals really the best way to create a brand new life form to colonize space for you?

It is with SCIENCE!

Anyway. Per Hugo at least, the Crawlers were smart and realized that they couldn’t live where the people are so made a home down in the sewers.

Not specified is whether they hung out with the Morlocks, Ninja Turtles, or any of the MANY inhabitants of New York’s sewers.

At night they would sneak up topside to steal things they needed like food and candles. Because they may not need to breath but apparently they needed food. Despite the lack of mouths.

One night while stealing they ran into Hugo and they instantly felt some kind of connection. Loneliness, probably.

So then Hugo and the Crawlers became best friends! Oh how they frolicked in the sewer water!

Hugo: “Anyway, the Crawlers, hey treated me real good, an’ we had a lot o’ fun together. We was simpatico, y’know? So I decided to come live with ‘em, an’ what’s wrong wit’ that?”

Live your own truth, man.

Wonder Man asks the very pertinent question of how Hugo knows all this about the Crawlers when they don’t even have mouths. But apparently “Crawlers don’t need mouths -- they talk wit’ their minds!”

Yeah.

Suddenly the street toughs burst in to ‘save’ Hugo and ‘violence’ the Crawlers.

Or the ‘street dudes’ as Beast dubs them.

The street dudes aren’t actually that effective a vigilante gang because the Crawlers just start kicking their collective asses.

They were bred to cope with all kinds of gravity, Beast speculates based on no evidence.

They weren’t bred for anything. They were random chemicals dumped into a sewer that mixed with other random chemicals. Its a wonder that any part of their original design manifested.

But kicking the asses of the street dudes has the Crawlers in such a frenzy that Beast grabs Hugo and runs off. Wonder Man skedaddles too. As do the street dudes.

Hugo protests that the Crawlers would never hurt him but when a blue gorilla man tells you to git you git.

The two Avengers bring Hugo back home and we instantly see why Hugo thought living in the sewer was preferable.

Hugo’s mom: “I will tell you what is happening, jovencito! You are going to do the chores you have not done for the three days you have been hiding! And then you will go to bed without your supper!”

Hugo: “But, mamacita! I wasn’t -- !”

Hugo’s mom: “Mocoso! Don’t you dispute my word!”

And then she slaps him.

And then she calls Beast and Wonder Man freaks and tells them to gtfo.

Beast: “Sheesh. It’s a wonder Hugo didn’t take off before he did!”

Wonder Man: “I know, Beast. This isn’t exactly what you’d call a happy ending.”

Meanwhile and confusingly, we see the street dudes marching down the streets carrying dynamite and fire bombs that they stole from the construction company Lenny works at. And now that they know where the Crawlers live, they can “skrag those slimy grubs for good!”

Meanwhile, Wonder Man complains about how unreal this whole evening has been as the fog renders things in weird colors.

Beast: “I know what you mean. I almost expect Rod Serling to step out of the fog any minute and say --”

Juanita: “Help! P-please!”

Apparently right after the two Avengers left, Hugo climbed out a window and ran away again because why wouldn’t he?

Juanita is worried that the Crawlers will think Hugo an enemy and hurt him.

So time to go sloshing around in the sewer again, I guess.

Geez. If Beast had dried-in sewer stink in his fur no wonder Hugo and Juanita’s mom told him to gtfo. Smelling like that.

Meanwhile, the street dudes go swimming in the gross scum-crusted river.

As you know, street dudes have an impeccable sense of direction so they locate the drainage tunnel that’s adjacent to the Crawler’s lair and plan a bundle of TNT on it with a long enough fuse that they can go into the sewers and herd the Crawlers near the explosion.

Meanwhile, inside the sewers Juanita tries to convince Hugo to return home instead of, y’know, living in a sewer with monsters.

But Hugo flips the script.

Hugo: “Ah, my sister, still you do not understand. This place is a sewer, si -- but is it any filthier, or any less kind, than the world above? Why don’t you stay here with me? The Crawlers do not yell, they do not hurt. This could be our new home, Juanita. Please, say you’ll stay?”

And she looks like she’s seriously considering it when the street dudes burst in and start throwing explosives and yelling about how they’ll rescue the kids.

Holy shit I think they killed that Crawler. I can see Crawler chunks flying...

Beast tries to punch some sense into the dudes but they are beyond logic punches and continue throwing molotov cocktails which ignites the chemical in the water.

Hugo has to watch as his Crawler friends burn alive.

Traumatizing.

But not for long. Because the explosives set outside blow a hole in the sewer drawing all of the sewer water into the equally gross river.

The Crawlers get swept out but so does Hugo.

Juanita begs him to hold onto her but he lets go and is swept out.

Hugo: “Juanita, I... I cannot! These are my friends... and I belong with them. I’m going home, Juanita. Good-byyyyye...”

Okay. So that child is super dead.

The dudes and the Avengers and Juanita climb out of the sewer where they are confronted by Mrs Lopez who yells at Juanita for sneaking off without telling her.

Juanita tries to tell her that Hugo is not coming back but Mrs Lopez just says “Good riddance.”

Well.

Beast threatens to punch her in the face but Juanita asks him not to.

Juanita: “No, senor, please! There are some things that you cannot change! So do not mourn for me -- rejoice for Hugo. For he, senors... is the fortunate one.”

Bleak.

With the thick mists casting everything in weird psychedelic shades, Beast contemplates what just happened.

Beast: “What kind of world is it when a little kid is better off floating out to sea with those monsters instead of going home with his own family!”

Wonder Man: “I don’t know what kind of world it is, Beast. I don’t even know what place this is. Maybe we can find out after we get these punks to the local precinct house and --”

But the street dudes have vanished and Beast suggests that they two likewise.

As the sun rises, the fog and/or mist finally dissipates and Beast and Wonder Man find their way out of labyrinthine backstreets to a familiar intersection.

They even spot a cop and run towards him, which you can do when you are 1) in a comic book, 2) a superhero, and 3) not overly bothered by bullets.

They tell him that they can explain the explosion and fire by the river a little while ago but the cop hasn’t heard of any explosion or fire. And Beast... isn’t explaining it very lucidly.

Beast: “Y’see, there were these anaerobic mutations called “Crawlers” who lived in the sewer, and they were attacked by this mob of street punks who disappeared into thin air and--”

Out of respect for Beast being an Avenger and a large furry blue man, the cop does call to check with dispatch but they say that there have been no disturbances called in from that area.

You’d think that just on the strength of the Avengers’ words, the cop would go check out the story.

If an Avenger tells you an explosion happened they probably know what they’re talking about. Avenger life is like 70% explosions.

Beast wonders loudly right in front of a cop that a kid died tonight and they’re the only ones that know about it. Wonder Man just muses that maybe that’s just the way it’s supposed to be and bids the cop adieu.

The cop doesn’t at all react to Beast talking about dead kids. I figure he’s coming off the graveyard shift and in that state of exhaustion where if something doesn’t happen right in front of him it doesn’t exist.

A half hour later, Wasp and Hawkeye enjoy coffee and donuts when Jarvis comes into the kitchen to let them know that Beast and Wonder Man have returned and are currently resting in the ground-level lounge. Y’know, to differentiate from the other lounges this literal mansion has.

Wasp and Hawkeye go to rub in the fact that they got to fight Ultron but they find that Beast and Wonder Man are sound asleep on the couch. They’re even sort of sleeping on each other. Kind of cute.

Wasp: “Well, how do you like that? We save the world, and they act like it was them who’d had the great adventure!”

Hawkeye: “Yeah, I guess some people just don’t know when they’ve got it easy...!”

Hahahahahahahahahaha, well then!

Beast, why are your solo-ish filler-ish stories such bonkers ridiculousness? Between this and the Martyr Perplex, I’m thinking maybe we need to forbid you from ever having adventures away from a team.

What even happened here? All the events of this issue were just kind of debunked on the penultimate page so we don’t even know if any of it happened.

And with the weird mist painting everything in psychedelic colors and things just happening, there's this feeling of unreality over all of it.

It doesn’t feel like a dream because it lacks a dream logic. And we see stuff from the perspective of not Beast and Wonder Man.

It does feel like maybe something that happened once. Events seem to proceed as they would with little input from Beast and Wonder Man who are pulled along for the ride, like a young boy dragged out of a sewer.

There’s this feeling I get that events would have gone as they did even if the Avengers never got involved.

My best guess is that they experienced something like a ghost story, a tragedy that did occur once upon a time.

But there’s not really support for that. There’s not really support for anything except that a weird sequence of events happened and nobody but Beast and Wonder Man experienced it.

Or hey maybe there were just psychotropic drugs in that weird omnipresent fog mist. That’s equally likely!

I don’t know why this story was told. Michelinie evidently wanted to fill in where Beast and Wonder Man were during the Ultron story and I guess credit where its due for writing something truly unique instead of just... some other stock superhero adventure like foiling a bank robbery or something.

Its just so goddamn weird and its such an inconsequential issue that I couldn’t find anyone else really talking about it.

Next time, things are uncomfortable in a different way as we get a two-parter of the Avengers fighting a yellow peril villain from the ‘50s, the Yellow Claw.

Why?

Follow @essential-avengers. Because you think I’m a nice, interesting person or maybe because you like reading about someone reading about Avengers.

#Avengers #technically #Beast #Wonder Man #the Crawlers #this is a weird one #i've been stewing on this about a week longer than i should have #i still don't know what to make of it #Essential Avengers #Essential marvel liveblogging

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