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poptod · 3 years

Note

Hey dear, I absolutely loved your recent Safin fic--I'm hopelessly whipped for that man and have been sad at how little content there is for him. You write him wonderfully! An ask from your resident entomologist (that's me, the bug person): I'm in love with the idea of Safin perhaps working with an entomologist that specializes in venomous/poisonous insects (details are irrelevant). They're in a relationship, and in awe of each other's respective fields (plants and insects). Smut is, of course, welcome (and encouraged, but lord we do not need to talk about how obsessed I am with him). Apologies for the long and weirdly specific ask...I'm excited to see what you do with this! Merci, chère!

notes: hello! i actually have a little interest in insects myself so hopefully i didnt get any terminology or anything wrong.. i prolly did but its not super integral to the plot lol anyway i hope u enjoy this! the song in this is called hila ya rumana and its from iraq :) and honestly, i gotta note, im really liking studying poisons, and im worried the fbi is gonna show up at my door lmao

warning: i went like all out on the smut, i mean its super consensual this time but it is All Out WC: 4.7k

You weren't sure if you were working with him or for him. Your years-long friendship would indicate the former, but the way he talked to you now, and the way he treated you, insinuated the latter.

For months now you'd been milking insects––sometimes literally––while in the employ of a man you'd known since your teen years. His name was Lyutsifer, but most of the time you called him by his last name, Safin. He took you into his home after years of being missing, and in some strange form of longing, you accepted his request; help him to eliminate en mass the people who so cruelly hurt him, who scarred him.

Still, despite the less than optimal conditions, he kept you close to him and asked you to spend much of your free-time with him. In those hours you would eat together and speak in hushed voices, sitting close together in deep secrecy. You were still his closest friend.

For now your back ached from being hunched over, a massive pair of magnifying glasses weighing you down till a headache sparked in the base of your skull. You couldn't stop just now––the bullet ant beneath your scalpel and forceps would only live for a few minutes more, and you needed to stimulate and milk as much of its' venom out as possible. A tiny vial was balanced between your third and fourth finger, ready to collect the continuous chemical.

The venom of bullet ants very rarely––if ever at all––killed a human, but they were impeccably, excruciatingly, perfectly painful, and that was what Safin wanted. He already had the power to kill. He wanted to maim. Poneratoxin would be only the first ingredient in his concoction.

"Do I need to order more?" Came his voice over your shoulder, appearing with his steel eyes on your hands and the warmth of his chest on your back.

You straightened your back ever so slightly.

"If you want to perform chemical tests, yes," you mumbled, keeping your attention avidly upon your work.

"You really think they'll react to each other?"

"Ammonia and bleach create something else when they're mixed."

"Yes, but it's still deadly," he said.

A smile itched across your lips, bursting into soft laughter. Safin chuckled as well, and ran his hands over your shoulders, digging his thumbs into the knots there before he left your lab.

"You'll get your ants," he said as he disappeared, "and your beetles."

Pain and fear. It's what he felt, he said––it's what he wanted. While you extracted the poisons from a varying number of insect species, he bred a strain of datura for its' poison; a substance he told you to be a mix of atropine and scopolamine. The alkalines caused hallucinations, paranoia, seizures, and all sorts of damage in the nerves and muscles. Deaths were apparently rare, but that wasn't what Safin was curating their poison for––he just wanted an elixir built for suffering.

"I told you I don't want you coming in here," he said, his voice reaching you in the cavernous garden before you could ever see him.

You'd taken not two steps onto the soft earth before he was telling you to leave.

"Because I may hurt myself?" You asked with a chuckle.

There was silence before he answered, almost regretfully, "yes. I don't want to see you in such a state."

"I work with poison every day, Safin."

"Poisons secured within exoskeletons.. organs, teeth, and stingers. It's different from leaves and seeds and you know that," he said as he rose from his knees, appearing behind a large, spiky bush.

"I know," you murmured, watching as he drew nearer. "I wanted to see you."

He quirked a single brow, looking down upon you.

"Well, now we both have to decontaminate." He pulled off his gloves and tossed them aside.

"By taking our clothes off?" You giggled, crossing your arms.

"Yes, actually."

The smile fell from your face, replaced by a warmth that filled your cheeks.

"Oh."

There was no question, but even if there was, he already knew what your answer would be. He was infatuated and it showed; it showed in his words, in his manner, how he undressed you like he was revealing something special, and how he kept your eye as the both of you entered a waterfall of soft, warm water. You weren't much better, pressing yourself to his chest and reaching up to ruffle through his wet hair. His hands fell to your waist in an attempt to balance you as he chuckled.

He grabbed your wrists to pull you away from his hair, but before he gave them back to you, he kissed your palm. You chuckled and shook your head, reaching up to stroke his face.

"So beautiful, my love," he murmured, leaning into your touch so his lips brushed your pulse.

You giggled and repeated him; "so beautiful, my darling."

It was the first time he kissed you, but it felt like anything but new. It felt like something familiar, something home, something more normal than breathing or speaking. His lips melded to yours, dripping with the shower water that fell in the space between you. The feeling of his tongue running against your bottom lip wasn't enough to distract you from his hands, which ran up and down your bare waist and hips, squeezing and soothing the dark marks his nails left.

Your hair was still damp by dinnertime. Despite wet hair, he left you high and dry, leaving chaste kisses as he dutifully cleaned you and himself. Now he pulled a fur coat over your shoulders, protecting you against the autumn's chill.

The midnight sky was particularly clear tonight, unmarred by clouds or a moon, who had disappeared for now. Their absence led to the revelation of the milky way, its' reverence, the glow of dark matter leaving a trail of shadows that the stars subsisted off of, coloring the pathways in green, purple, and blue. It was all that caught your eye, even as Safin stepped out onto the balcony carrying two plates.

He kissed the top of your head as he passed you, handing you your plate.

"How many vials of the bullet ant's venom have you now?" He asked once he sat down, situating his food.

"Five now," you said. "I was thinking we should add monarch butterflies to the equation."

He paused.

"Butterflies?" He repeated, turning to you.

"Consuming the catepillar or butterfly can cause confusion and nausea in high enough doses."

"You and I both know it gets that poison from milkweed. If you just want to study the butterflies, you can do so," he said with a low chuckle. "I don't mind funding a few of your side projects, so long as you keep up with our... concoction."

"R.. really?" You asked, wide-eyed.

"Of course, my dear," he cooed as he took your hands. "What's mine will always be yours. It has always been that way."

"Oh. Thank you," you said in a soft voice. "I actually... lately I've.. I've been interested in this specific Pacific beetle that creates this special milk –"

He laughed, and when he did, you couldn't help but stare at him with your own dumbstruck grin.

"Beetle milk?" He asked.

"It's not really milk. Well, it's kind of milk. And it's not really a beetle, it's technically a cockroach, it's the only cockroach to give birth to live young, hence the milk."

As you rambled, he listened intently, leaning forward and into your warmth. Most everyone you met were disgusted whenever you talked about the bugs, so his unending patience melted your entirety. It was just like him, too––so kind, so very in love, and so very rarely showing that to anyone but you.

After dinner and a long discussion concerning your next steps in your experiments, the two of you bid each other good-night and left to your respective rooms. They were close to one another, and you could still hear him pacing a wall over, disturbing your burning eyes and sore muscles. Your blankets remained wrapped tight around your shoulders, shielding you from the general cold of Safin's home. How could he pace bare-footed at 2 in the morning in a room below 55 degrees?

With a groan, you rolled off the low bed and onto the floor, slowly raising yourself to your feet. A long, thick blanket surrounded you like a plush cape, and the end of it dragged against the floor as you padded the short way over to his door.

You knocked and the footsteps finally paused, resuming till the door clicked and swung open. Despite his lack of sleep, he looked far more put-together than you did.

"... hello," he said, raising a single brow.

"I heard you pacing," you mumbled, sniffing through a stuffy nose. "Are you alright?"

"Oh. Yes, I'm quite fine," he said quietly. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I never fell asleep," you said.

Technically, that was still his fault, but you decided to forgo mentioning that.

"Neither did I," he said, though you assumed as much. "Perhaps we should find something to put ourselves to sleep."

"Like a drug?"

"Anything at all."

You paused to think a moment, pulling your bottom lip through your teeth.

"How about tea?" You suggested.

"Sounds wonderful," he said.

You were quick to regret not putting on slippers as you continued to roam down the halls, warmed by only a large blanket and no socks. Fortunately, the kitchen wasn't far, and you crawled up onto a tall stool, leaning most of your weight on the kitchen's island. Your blinking grew slower as you slouched. Out of the corner of your eye, you spied Safin preparing to heat some water.

Only a moment later he was at your side, wrapping his arms around your midsection and digging his nose into your neck. You flinched from how cold his nose was, but he just laughed, and you hunched your shoulders with a grin.

He swayed back and forth, humming something you couldn't really hear but that lulled you further into your exhaustion anyways. Vibrations from his chest passed to yours.

"Aibtisamat alfatat aljamilat jaealatha 'akthar halawatan," he spoke in a soft melody, his words brushing the shell of your ear like petals. "Eindama raha alakhrun tazhar, lam yastatie 'ahad.."

You chuckled quietly and asked, "what are you singing?"

"An old lullaby," he murmured, and his swaying slowed. "My mother used to sing it... at times."

"Do you know it in English?"

He paused before he answered.

"A part of it. I don't recall the whole song."

With no further action from him, you turned in your seat, separating yourself only a moment so you could look him in the eye. Despite the space, your hands continued to pull his hips and waist into you.

"Can you sing it for me?" You whispered, staring into warm, but empty, eyes.

"I can try," he said stiffly.

You nodded with a slow blink and leant into him, resting your head against his chest. His heartbeat pounded beneath your ear.

When he sang, those subtle vibrations caused a swell in your heart, electrified by something you rarely heard. He kept a trill in the notes that gave way for an assurance that this was an Arabic song he was singing––something from his heritage, and obviously, from his childhood.

"He will make earrings for her, and a ring and necklace," he began with a similar melody. "The smile of a beautiful girl made more sweet. When the others saw her appear, not one was able to close their eyes. Oh my soul, my life and my virgin love, I was bored from my impatience, and my soul is love to see you."

You hardly noticed when he stopped singing, and were only roused from your stupor by him gently shaking your shoulders.

"I kept you awake with my pacing, didn't I," he murmured, carding his fingers through your unkempt hair.

"A little," you attempted to say, but your mouth was still pressed against his chest.

"I think... if you fall asleep first, in my bed," he said softly, "I won't have as much trouble myself."

You lifted your head off of him.

"Are you asking me to sleep with you?"

It had to be the first time you'd seen him stutter or hesitate; your own eyes widened in response.

"I think it would be.. beneficial... for both of us," he finally answered.

"Maybe," you mumbled, your gaze fluttering down to his lips.

His own eyes wandered as well, distracted as you were, before he leaned only an inch forward to meet you in a soft kiss. He barely touched you with his gentleness, touching you like your skin was a sheen of frost that would soon melt beneath him. He was right––you did melt, and he did his best to catch you.

The kettle began to hiss, and Safin groaned against your lips, leaning his weight into you. You giggled, pushing him away from you. With a long sigh he relented, leaving your space to pull down two cups and turn off the stove.

By the time he got back to you, your cheek was back to being pressed against the freezing counter, warm, fuzzy breaths filling your chest. A ceramic mug clinked brightly as he set it down in favor of stroking your hair.

"Drink a little with me," he said, pushing the cup towards you as he sipped at his own tea.

You drew a long breath as you raised your head, reaching forward with a sloth-like claw to pull the cup into you. Safin watched with a bated sense of amusement as you took a sip, your eyes still half closed, and your chin barely six inches off the table.

He chuckled as your eyes widened, shifting to him.

"Green tea?" You asked quietly.

"Chamomile."

You didn't get through much more than a quarter of your cup before he offered a little mercy, pushing your drinks away and helping you to your feet. The shivers returned from the cold floor, but despite that discomfort, you still barely had enough consciousness to speak to Safin when he led you into his room instead of yours.

Nothing left your mouth, even though the words were there.

He hummed that melody again as he helped you into bed, pulling the blankets over you, and eventually sliding in beside you. The black room rendered your eyesight useless, and you regressed to depending upon touch and sound, both of which you soon felt––hands around your waist, pulling you in, and a long, soft breath leaving Safin. Your muscles went lax, and you leant into him.

His scent filled your dreams.

It took months of experimentation trying to replicate the various serums, poisons, and venoms artificially, a task that you and Safin worked at simultaneously. Now that the collection of samples were complete, the vials could be used for reaction cataloguing and studying. That pushed your work into a different lab––one you shared with Safin.

"I... despise chemistry," he said to you one day, his eyes glued to a glass tank full of white mice. He was crouched down to its' level, his hands on his knees, squinting as though they'd committed some sort of misdeed.

You chuckled.

"Isn't that one of the main parts of your job?"

"Yes," he said, rather bitterly. "That doesn't mean I have to enjoy it."

"It's not that bad. They're still dying, Safin," you said with a sigh, leaning against the counter.

"Not in the right ways," he hissed. "I don't want this quick death we've been getting."

You paused in thought, chewing on your tongue and your cheek.

"If we make several different substances, each that targets a different organ, that might work. But we'd need a special way to get it into their systems, a way that wouldn't mix it beforehand or after consumption. Something like a complex pill."

"Wouldn't it just mix in the stomach?"

"Yes, well, it would be a very complex pill," you said, chuckling as you shrugged halfheartedly. "It's not a great idea."

"No it's not."

Ouch.

"You just need something that'll activate the pain neurons and the brain neurons and then keep them firing, like a pesticide, but for humans," you said.

He bit into his lip, letting out a harsh sigh as he leant his arms on the counter, bowing his head between them.

"How does a pesticide kill insects?" He asked after a long moment of silence.

You pushed down your amusement––for his sake.

"Couple different ways. DDT does essentially what I said," you said, crossing your arms. "Keeps the neurons firing, so they have seizures until they're too exhausted to keep breathing and they die."

"Jesus Christ."

"Yeah," you chuckled. "Does that sound good?"

"Fuck," he breathed out, straightening his posture and flicking his black hair back.

He turned to you and took your hands, raising them to his face, and kissed you from the tips of your fingers to your lips. You giggled as he pressed fluttering kisses to your neck, but gladly returned the affection once he reached his mark.

"That sounds wonderful," he murmured beside your ear.

"If we stun them with the seizures, it'll give us time to give them a second poison," you suggested quietly, your own lips beside his ear. "Something far more painful."

"Mmm," he hummed, leaning into you. "Devious, my love."

"I think you like it," you said.

His hips digging into yours would indicate so.

"And you may be right," he said, and his teeth dug into your neck, causing you to arch against him with a gasp.

Rough hands kept you pinned beneath him, settling any reactive jerks that rushed through your body. He forced you into staying still, and he forced his leg between yours, pulling your hips down to grind your core against his thigh with a bruising grip. All the while, his tongue and teeth tested the sensitive skin of your clavicle.

"What would I do without you," he asked, allowing his lips to move against your skin as he spoke. "Something to play with."

"You'd be lonely," you murmured as you dug your fingers into his scalp. "All alone, up in this lab of yours." He stilled for a moment to breathe in your scent, slowly moving up to face you. "But you won't be alone anymore."

"You won't leave?" He asked, but it wasn't a question––it was a demand. His gaze had turned cold.

"No," you said softly, pulling him in by a hand on his cheek. "No, not ever."

A darkness shadowed his expression as he leant in the rest of the way, his lips meeting yours in pillowy bliss. How he kept his lips soft in the frigid weather was beyond you, but you appreciated it deeply, wrapping your arms around his shoulders to draw him in closer.

His touch seemed its' own poison, dripping onto your tongue by way of his thumb, running over your chest and hips. You could barely move with him pressed to you so tightly, so you could do nothing when his thumb hooked into your jaw beneath your tongue and forced you down to your knees. Your muscles ached from the impact, but before you could speak, he was gripping your hair and pulling you up, grinding your face against his cock poking through his pants.

"I know you've got a talented tongue, darling," he said, and there was a wicked smile on his face, his eyes flickering with sparks of pleasure. "I've wanted to do this for so long."

You chuckled and mouthed at his erection, watching how his eyelids fluttered shut and a soft groan left his mouth.

For a moment you fumbled with the latch keeping his pants shut, but once you undid it, you pulled down his boxers and grinned. You pumped him with one hand, and propped your chin on his angled hips.

"How long have you wanted this, baby?" You asked in a coo, puffing out your bottom lip.

He took in a deep breath, jerking his hold on your hair when you ran your thumb over the tip of his cock.

"Don't play coy," he hissed, pulling your chin off him, "and don't tease. Now open your mouth."

You should've opened your mouth. But some brat inside you, someone who hated orders, kept your mouth shut and your hand pumping his base. Seeing that, his jaw steeled and a growl built in his throat.

He leased his grasp on your hair, moving to instead push his thumb back into your mouth, hooking back in and forcing you to open. You let him, and you let him shove his cock inside you, instantly hitting the back of your throat. You could feel his muscles tense and untense beneath you before he began pumping himself into you, keeping you still with a hand twisted back in your hair.

"Didn't know you were such a brat," he grunted out, letting his head fall back. "I'll have to train you, teach you to be a good whore. Fuck."

You moaned around him, sending vibrations up his cock that ended with shivers up his spine. Words tumbled forth when you wrapped your tongue partway around him, tracing swirls up and down while he continued to thrust into you.

"There you are, my darling, being such a good toy for me. So obedient."

Tears budded on the edge of your eyes, but before they could drop he was hauling you back up to your feet, pushing you up onto the counter and wrapping your legs around his hips. His lips were back on yours, soothing the burn of your own lips stretching around his thick cock.

But he didn’t move further––he just kept kissing you, kept roaming your body with large hands, and never descending to where you needed him most.

"Mm – aren't you –" You tried to speak, but he kept barraging you with kisses. "Aren't you going to fuck me?"

"Is that what you want, darling?" He asked, grinding his hips against your clothed center, sending heat up from your core to your chest in bursts of lightning. "Is that what you need?"

"Yes, yes, please," you begged, relenting to his touch when he began to stroke you through your pants. Your own hands gripped at his hair and his back, ensuring he wouldn't leave you. "Please, baby, please."

"Of course, my love," he said softly beside your ear, tracing his fingers down to the hem of your pants and slipping them underneath.

He stepped away for only a moment to pull your clothes off, tossing them into corners of the lab that didn't exist to you anymore. When he returned, he slid his cock between your thighs, teasing but never going inside. You whined, nearing tears once more.

"Safiiiinnnnn," you said in a moan, dragging out his name in a way that had his hips jerking forward.

His eyes pierced yours as he gripped your chin, forcing you to look him in the eye.

"Beg for me."

"Please fuck me, Safin, I need you," you mumbled, barely hearing yourself speak with your fuzzy mind.

"Louder."

"Fuck, just touch me! Anything at all," you finally cried, desperate for anything. "Please, I need you so bad."

He grabbed a fistful of your locks.

"And what do you need?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

"I need your cock," you sniffled. "Please baby, I'll let you do anything, anything you want."

You knew he didn't need all this––he was just getting off on it, on the control he now so obviously held over you. You couldn't deny you were getting off on it, too.

"There we are, my darling," he murmured, stroking the back of his finger down your cheek. "Properly ruined."

Without warning he shoved himself inside you, his thick cock stretching you out almost painfully. You let out a cry, but that didn't stop him, and he began thrusting into you, leaving your body shaking.

"Fuck, so wet for me," he said between moans and grunts. He slapped the soft underside of your thighs, making you yelp. "All for me, aren't you? All mine."

You couldn't respond, overwhelmed by the sparks that flew every time he pounded into you, filling you and pushing on your g-spot. Though you found it too hard to keep track, you knew you'd come at some point, and now it was just building.

He chuckled at your helpless state and continued fucking you, heedless of your overstimulated moans. To his amusement, your state only degraded, and soon your head was jerking to the side, your nails digging into his skin as you were left to the whims of your electrified nerves.

Hiding in the crook of his neck, you allowed the moans to flow loose from your mouth, heating the space between you. A wicked idea formed in your cloudy head, and you raised yourself to press your lips to his jaw.

"I need you to cum inside me, baby," you breathed out, feeling the way he tensed under you and his thrusts grew in speed and strength. "I wanna be dripping with your cum."

He cursed beneath his breath and, after pounding himself into you several more times, he stilled as deep as he could inside you, releasing with a long, pretty moan against your shoulder. You felt his cum pouring out into you, painting your walls a creamy white that leaked out around his cock. The mere feeling of that spurred on your last orgasm, thriving off the feeling of him slowly thrusting himself back in and out of you.

When he slipped out of you, some of his seed came dripping out of you and onto the lab floor. He stared at it and then looked up at you.

"This whole lab will need to be sanitized," he said.

You laughed, throwing your head back, still riding on your own elation. He was right.

It was your best bet; the closest to what you wanted. Strychnine targeted the spinal cord's nerves, blotting out the nerves' control on the body's muscles. That constant stimulation caused continuous seizures that, in the right amounts, would lead to such a deep exhaustion in the muscles that the victim would simply stop breathing. Their muscles simply wouldn't let them anymore. You saw it more times than you truly cared to––Safin wanted to be ensured that the secondary poison would take affect after the strychnine did.

The pain, though present in strychnine, fully came into play with a substance coming from one of Safin's plants. Its' name was moroides, and it wasn't an especially poisonous substance––that wasn't its job. Moroides purpose in your hands was to cause pain, and considering people had died from the sheer level of pain induced by the plant, Safin considered it to be a high contender. Later on, after seeing how the two toxins interacted, his mind was set on the chemical.

He was smiling. You, on the other hand, were leant against the counter, your arms crossed as you watched him. You understood his need for revenge, that desire for retribution, but he seemed to enjoy watching the mice die. He kept giving them the poisons––strychnine first, moroides second. Over and over again.

"Isn't that beautiful," he murmured, his gaze enraptured in the furry, writhing creatures within the glass cage.

You pushed down the vomit building in your throat. He called you beautiful, as well.

"I think we've done enough tests," you said quietly.

"Perhaps so," he said, and his gaze lingered on the mice before he turned to you. "We have so little left to do."

You cocked your chin upwards, watching carefully as he approached you.

"Does that make you happy?" You asked.

He fell silent for a moment, deciding to stare instead of respond, enraptured in your gaze.

"I will miss working with you," he admitted in a soft voice.

"There will always be other things to work on."

"Other people to.. punish," he murmured, and his gaze fell to your lips, capturing them in a quick kiss. "Others who deserve punishment."

"Exactly," you said with a grin, beaming your thrill into him, and drawing out a smile in him, as well.

"My darling," he said, stroking your cheek with his thumb, "we will be forgotten heroes in history."

#safin x reader #anon #lyutsifer safin #rami malek #nttd

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paradox-psyc-hoe-sis · 4 years

Text

Loki x plus size!reader

Loki x reader, Thor x reader (platonic), Natasha x reader (platonic).

Word count: 2.13k

Warnings: none, really? Angst I guess, mention of weight gain, stretch Mark's, cellulite, insecurity, etc.

A/n: Heyo! The reader in the story is shorter than Loki, and has stretch marks, cellulite, and is plus size. If any of these topics trigger or upset you, then please don't read! Also, I kinda made Loki an ass in this, but i really didn't mean to make him that much of a jerk whoops. Anyway, enjoy it! I'm currently writing part 2 of sticky situation, but I'm finding it a bit tricky, I'm sorry for the delay! Hopefully it should be up soon. - Aphrodite :)

(Gifs not mine! Credit to owner :3)

• Asgard was different to earth.

• Growing up, asgardians are taught to love and appreciate their, and other's, bodies. No matter what colour, shape or size, there was never any discrimination or bullying because of a person's body.

• You and Natasha were close friends, so you spent a lot of time around the avengers, often in the avengers tower.

• When you first met Thor, you knew you'd be best friends. You both grew close very quickly, and treated each other like brother and sister.

• After about a year, Thor wanted you to go and see Asgard. You were hesitant, knowing that all asgardians were as skinny and beautiful as models, but Thor really wanted you to come and meet his family. Of course, you said yes.

• When you first got there, you met all of Thor's friends and were shown around. It was only on your second day in the palace when you ran into Loki. Thor told you he had a brother, but you had no idea what he looked like or what his name was; when you bumped into him, you were surprisingly quite cool and collected. You forgot about all of your insecurities and worries as you'd been treated extremely well by other asgardians.

• However, that was not the case with Loki; he had never seen somebody as beautiful and Goddess-like as you. He didn't know what to say, and when he doesn't know what to say he results to sarcasm. He didn't mean to seem cold and cruel, but he couldn't help it.

• "I, um, I don't believe we've met. My name is y/n, I'm here with Thor."

• You stuck your hand out to him, which he did shake, but he seemed bored and uninterested. He looked you up and down, and you suddenly became anxious.

• "A midgardian, I see. Well, I'm the brother of your meat head of a friend. The name's Loki."

• You told him you were pleased to meet him, then left to go and get breakfast with Thor. You found him decently attractive; his dark hair, piercing blue eyes, tall stature. You would've been head over heels if he wasn't as disinterested and arrogant as he was when you met him.

• When you left, he mentally scolded himself for not being more polite. He truly was speechless when he saw you. You were short, your body defined with soft curves yet your stomach protruding outwards a bit more than others. Your arms and legs weren't twigs like the other asgardian women, but were larger and patched with cellulite. He found you beautiful, like a Queen in her true form, yet you found your body disgusting, like a pig mixed with a human.

• Throughout the next couple of days, Loki watched you. While you were talking with Thor, reading in the library, at one of the museums; wherever you were, you always looked so calm and tranquil. However, your mind said otherwise. Yes, Loki could read minds, but invading your thoughts made him feel guilty. Instead, he could sense your emotions, and found that your calm shell hid the raging fire in your mind. He was desperate to know more.

• Whenever Loki was in the room, however, you liked to do the same to him. You'd study his features, watch as he sipped from his golden goblet and intricately turn the pages of his book. You rarely heard him speak, and when he did, it was never to you, but his voice was cold and sharp. His responses were always witty and well thought out, and you were dying to know what was going on inside his mind.

• One night, after dinner, Loki thought it would be a good idea to 'accidentally' lock you out of your room. When you were about to enter your room, you realised it was locked, so you went to find help. Loki was the first person who you found.

• "Excuse me, Loki? I'm kinda locked out of my room, you wouldn't know how to help, would you?"

• You had just come from the great banquet, which he had missed. You wore a long, dark green velvet dress with gold accents, which had a long slit running from your right foot up to your thigh. It proudly showed off your legs, arms, and chest, even revealing a little bit of cleavage. You were scared to wear it, but Thor convinced you that you looked amazing in it.

• Loki helped you back to the room, unlocking it for you. He wore his usual green and gold outfit; perhaps there was a running theme in Asgardian clothes.

• You invited him into your room for a drink before bed, which he happily obliged to, and you thought that this cod be your chance to get to know him better. Luckily, he was thinking the same thing about you.

• "So, y/n. What part of midgard are you from?"

• "Umm, I'm from New York. What's life like on Asgard?" You didn't really want to talk much about yourself, you weren't used to having a lot of attention on you.

• Instead of answering you, Loki stared directly into your eyes for a few moments. A cold sensation grew in your mind, and suddenly you felt yourself remembering your worst memories. The image of your friends calling you fat in school flashed before your eyes. The face of your high school boyfriend after he told you that your stomach was disgusting. The memory of crying while stood in front of a floor length mirror, studying the new stretch marks on your thighs. And countless images of a set of weighing scales, the number increasing slightly each time

• Your vision was blurred as these images repeated over and over in your head, and you began crying. You didn't know what was happening, or where you were, but all you felt was pure sadness washing over your body. Suddenly, the visions stopped, and you were sat back on your bed, with Loki next to you. He looked scared, puzzled, and concerned all at the same time. Thor had warned you that Loki had magical abilities, and mind reading seemed like a fitting power to match his personality. You stood up from your bed and wiped tears from your cheeks. You couldn't stop crying, but your tears turned from ones of sadness to ones of anger.

• "What did you do to me!?"

• You tried to shout, but it got caught in a sob. Instead, your voice cracked, and you sounded similar to a screaming cat.

• Loki didn't reply to you, but he merely looked down, not wanting to meet your gaze. His face had guilt written all over it, and you knew that he saw all of your visions too.

• Without a word, you marched to the door and left. As soon as it closed behind you, you ran down the halls of the palace. You didn't care who saw you, but you needed to get to Thor.

• Once you arrived at his quarters, you didn't even bother knocking on the door before walking in. Thor was sat up in bed, reading a book that you could only guess was written in Asgardian. You were a mess; mascara running down you cheeks, red lipstick smudged at the corner of your lips, eyes and cheeks pink and puffy from crying. You explained everything to him, and he understood what you felt. Although he couldn't really comprehend why you hated your body so much, he understood that you needed to get back home.

• After you cleaned yourself up in his bathroom, you both left back for Earth. You were still wearing your green gown when you arrived back in the avengers tower at 2 in the morning. Thor went to his room after making sure you were okay, and you were left alone in the common area. Sitting down on the grey sofa, you let out a loud sob and began crying again. You made sure you weren't being too loud, as you didn't want to wake up the entire tower, but soon enough Natasha found her way to the living room. You had your head in your hands, so only knew of Nat's presence when she put a warm hand on your bare shoulder.

• As soon as you felt her touch you, you stiffened up and stopped crying. Before looking up at her, you sniffed and wiped at your eyes, trying your best to convince her that you weren't crying. You stood up, and looked up at her. Even with Asgardian golden heels, you were still shorter than everyone.

• "Hey, it's alright." She gave you a sympathetic smile before pulling you in for a hug, and as soon as you both had your arms around each other, you couldn't help but start crying again. She stroked your hair as you cried on her shoulder, and your mind went fuzzy with the typical haze of crying. She guided you to her room and managed to calm you down, and helped you get changed into a pair of her pyjamas. Once you laid down on her bed, you were asleep. Nat didn't sleep much anyway, so she was fine staying up and watching over you.

• When you woke up the next morning, you felt like crap.

• Natasha always buys pyjamas 2 sizes up, to get the cozy oversized feeling. Her pyjamas were the perfect size for you, but you became conscious of how they perfectly fitted your legs and stomach, and how much of your body was on display. Your clock read 7:38 am, so you decided to get up and go to the living area.

• When you got there, Nat was cooking in the kitchen, and Thor was sat and the island. You could already hear them talking quietly as you walked into the room, but they stopped once they saw you. The warm scent of pancakes and syrup lingered in your nose as you walked up to them both. You walked to Thor, who gave you a hug, and then you sat down. Nat squeezed your hand once you were fully sat, and placed a plate in front of you. On the plate was a stack of pancakes that rose to the level of your chin, drizzled in maple syrup.

• "I'm going back to Asgard later to talk to Loki. You never have to go back there, and he's never going to lay a hand on you again."

• You gave Thor a tiny nod and rubbed your forehead. It was more than rude for Loki to enter your mind without permission, but you couldn't get him off your mind. At least he felt bad after doing it, and he must have had a good reason to do so. If only you could turn back time to ask him why.

• Once you ate breakfast, you got dressed. You always kept some clothes there, as you spent more time in the tower than your apartment. You wanted something baggy that didn't show off any of your curves, so you opted for an oversized jumper and a pair of mom jeans. A few of the avengers were off on a mission, which left only Nat, Thor, Bruce and Peter. Peter was at his apartment, and Bruce was still in bed, so it gave you some peace and quiet.

• Thor left for Asgard half an hour later, and Nat had gone downstairs to train, leaving you alone. About an hour went by before you heard a strange noise come from the kitchen.

• You got up from your seat in front of the sofa and turned around before you saw Loki, stood in front of you. He wore an all black suit, which made him look twice as good as he did in Asgard. You wondered how he could be here, when Thor had gone to give him a piece of his mind, but you weren't in the mood to talk to him. Instead, you turned around and plopped yourself back on the sofa, and continued to scroll through Netflix.

• "Listen, y/n". He came and sat next to you on the sofa. "I know what I did was wrong. But when I first saw you, I was speechless. You are so beautiful and look like the Gods sculpted you out of clay and I...I just didn't know how to react."

• You shifted in your seat and turned to look at him. You noticed the sincerity in his eyes, and cocked an eyebrow as if to make him continue.

• "And, when I sensed your emotions all I felt was hate. Last night, I let my emotions get the best of me, and I just had to see what fueled all of that negativity. I...I'm sorry."

• You were both confused and happy at the same time. Sure, you were more than pleased that he had apologised, but he thought you were beautiful? How? You couldn't understand what part of you he liked.

• "If you don't completely hate me, I'd be honoured to maybe get you lunch?"

• You smiled, telling him you'd be happy to. God, how were you going to explain this to Thor?

229 notes · View notes

nat-roman0ff · 5 years

Text

beep beep

shawn gets lost in a parking garage and you’re lucky (or unlucky) enough to have to help him.

words: 1,839

warnings: aggressive paps, car alarms and lost pop stars.

Your arms are weighed down by the amount of bags in your hands and roped around your arms. Being a personal shopper for the super rich around the holidays for some extra cash was starting to become more of a burden than it was worth.

But at least you’ll never have to do arm day in the gym ever again.

The parking garage is full of fancy cars and SUVs and your beat up Camry sits amongst them like a rotten dandelion in a rose garden. There’s some commotion as you come out of the elevator, a pap stalking some celebrity asking him questions. This wasn’t an unusual sight in Los Angeles, but you always felt a pang of sorriness for whoever was being harassed.

You recognize him almost immediately, with his soft curly hair pulled back in a headband. Shawn Mendes. He’s even prettier in person despite the deep crease of worry between his eyebrows. He’s pacing the aisles looking at license plates with an increasing panic on his face.

The pap continues to harass him, asking him personal questions and he laughs them off with a snarky remark or with another question. He’s good, you think.

“Oh my god, THERE you are!” You exclaim, giving him the eye as he passes by your car.

Shawn raises an eyebrow, “oh, uh, hi?”

You raise both eyebrows, “we found your car! Now let’s get these gifts to the children’s hospital!”

“Oh right,” he pips and the pap finally drops their camera, “the children’s hospital. Well have a lovely day sir and tell your friends at TMZ to expect my Christmas card in the mail!”

The pap looks confused but shrugs, “alright man, have a good one.”

You and Shawn watch the man leave via the elevator and he lets out a sigh of relief and slides down the side of your car.

“Although I’m not sure what a child would like with a lingerie set from Victoria’s Secret I’m glad he bought it,” you pip.

Shawn lifts his head, “he didn’t buy it. But he wasn’t fucking leaving me alone. So thank you.”

You nod, “you’re welcome,” you wait, and Shawn goes back to burying his hands in his face, his knees drawn up to his chest.

“Does that happen a lot?” You ask.

He nods.

“Not much of a talker, eh?”

Shawn’s head perks back up, “sorry, shitty morning, worse afternoon. Then I had this guy chasing me around and now I can’t find my car.”

“Well,” you say, placing your hands on your hips, “how about you help me get these into my car and I’ll help you find yours?”

He stands and reached his hand out to shake yours, “deal. I’m Shawn, by the way.”

“I know,” you wink.

He smirks, “of course you do. So why do you have so many bags?”

“I’m a personal shopper. Us peasants need a side hustle to get by sometimes.”

Shawn nods, “I get it. I had a paper route when I was thirteen.”

“Congratulations, you’re a multimillionaire now.”

He snorts, “touché.”

Shawn takes care of the last few bags and slams the trunk shut. Wiping his hands together and proud of his work.

“So do you have any idea where your car is?” You ask.

He’s silent.

You groan, “okay so what kind of car do you have?”

“A Range Rover.”

You slap your hand against your forehead, “yeah you and everyone else in LA. Alright, time to pound pavement, Mendes.”

The two of you walk the aisles of the vast parking garage, Shawn clicking the little button every few seconds to see if he hears the locking beep.

“Hey what does this one do?” He asks, pointing at the bright red button on his fob.

You side eye him, “that’s a panic button.”

“Oh,” he pips, “good to know.”

You just nod and walk with him, pointing at various Range Rovers with no luck on that floor. Shawn looks down, like he’s physically here but his mind is not. It takes you saying his name a couple times before he responds when you ask questions and his replies are half hearted and soft spoken.

You decide to take the stairs and after about five minutes or so of uncomfortable silence Shawn finally speaks up, “I’m sorry if you think I’m like the biggest Hollywood idiot on the planet right now.”

You shake your head, “nah, you just seem...sad? Tired? I guess. I don’t know you so I don’t want to ask questions, just want to help you get to your car.”

“Thanks,” he smiles for the first time since you’ve met and it’s absolutely mind blowingly beautiful.

“Plus,” you start, “you’re famous so you can’t kill me since you’re too easy to track down. You’re like the safest stranger ever.”

Shawn laughs, “thank you, again. I can’t believe I’m taking time out of your day for this.”

“It’s fine,” you shrug, “just means when we find this car you owe me big time.”

“Oh yeah?” He says, raising an eyebrow, “what does the lady desire?”

You ponder for a moment and your stomach growls, “food.”

“Let me take you out for dinner then,” Shawn replies, “tonight? If you’re not busy, of course.”

“Not so fast!”

His face drops.

“We still haven’t found your bloody car yet.”

“Fine,” he stops you both where you’re standing, “if we don’t find my car you’re driving us to dinner.”

“Oh, smooth.”

—-

You and Shawn drag your feet to yet another floor of the parking garage and groan in unison as you’re met with row upon row of tightly packed parking spaces.

“How fucking big is this place?” Shawn cries, throwing himself onto the concrete ground. “I give up. They can keep it. I hate that car anyways.”

Shawn pulls himself into a ball, face pressed into his knees. His body starts to shake. Is he crying? You’re first filled with fear, and then a warm kind of sadness starts to spread. You sit down next to him on the ground and rub his back. He looks up, his face red and blotchy and his eyes wet.

“I’m sorry, really. This is fucking embarrassing. It’s just - I’ve - I’m...yeah.”

“I get it. I do. If you don’t mind me asking, what’s going on?”

He lets out a breathy laugh, “what isn’t going on?” He pauses for a few moments to allow himself to recollect, “I’m stuck in a shitty contract right now, making music I don’t want to, being turned into a brand, and I’m missing my sister’s school awards ceremony back home in Toronto because I have to be here. Doing nothing but getting chased by dudes too lazy to get a real job and losing my car in the mall parking garage.”

You suck a stream of air through your teeth, “well that’s certainly a lot to unload.”

“You asked,” he deadpans.

You nod, “very true. Okay, well. I don’t know much about the entertainment industry and contracts and such but can’t you just like, I don’t know, go home? Call out sick? You’re the star so I would think you’d have some type of holding power with that.”

“Yes and no,” Shawn starts, “I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed. I want to wake up and go to my favorite coffee shop around the corner from my place, pet my neighbor’s dog on the way back, maybe write a couple songs and see my friends and family again.”

“That sounds nice,” you say, resting your hand over his, “you should do that.”

Shawn looks into your eyes and your gut tells you to kiss him but your head tells you that you sat in chewed gum. Instead of kissing you, much to your chagrin, he rests his head on your shoulder.

The two of you sit there for a little bit, only until the high pitched horn of a Prius scares the both of you out of it. Shawn lets out a shrill scream and you both scramble to your feet.

“I’ll give you $100 if you pretend you never heard that,” he says.

“Deal.”

The sun is starting to set, and the glow of the lowering sun beams into the parking garage. Golden hour, it’s called. And while you watch Shawn point his fob at each passing car hoping it’s his, you think sunsets like this are made for people like him.

Somewhere in the distance you hear the faint beep of a car locking. You both stop dead in your tracks and look at each other.

“Did you?” Shawn starts and you nod.

He raises his keys again and hits the panic button. Off on the other side of the garage the alarm sounds and he takes off in a dead run towards it. You do the best to follow but his long legs give him an advantage. He eventually slows, holding his hand back for you to grab it so he can drag you along.

When you reach the car, the alarm is blaring and you’re both panting. Shawn throws his hands up in the air and sinks to his knees, “thank you baby Jesus,” he whines while trying to catch his breath.

He gets back up and pulls you into a hug, burying his face in your neck. You hesitate for a second before hugging him back. You’d never met a stranger quite like this before, let alone had one hug you. No one at work was going to believe you on Monday when you told them the story.

“Time to go home,” he says when he releases you.

“Home home or -“

“Want to come with me?” He asks, and doesn’t even give you a second to respond before continuing, “I’ll buy your plane ticket. Got a passport on you? Let’s just run with it.”

The look in his eyes is of pure relief, like whatever was holed and balled up inside of him a few hours ago had passed. His eyes were wide and bright with wonderment.

“No,” you say, shaking your head, “go home, enjoy some family time. And call me when you get back.”

“Fine,” he says, “but you’ll let me take you out for that dinner, yeah?”

You nod.

“Do you want a ride back to your car?”

You bite your lip and shake your head, scared to answer, and pointing about half a dozen cars down to yours, where the madness all started.

“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me!” Shawn half yells, half laughs and the two of you just end up in hysterics over it all.

The sun has finally set when it’s time to say goodbye, although neither of you want to. You watch Shawn leave and smile at the thought of him being able to go home, and even more so about meeting with him again.

But the smile immediately drops when you reach for your phone, and realize the two of you had never exchanged numbers.

--------

i wrote this on my phone at work today...and yes there is (probably) going to be a sequel...

#shawn mendes #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fluff

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urflowersdied · 4 years

Text

junebug

Long time no see! I’ve had a really rough past few months regarding finding the motivation and creativity to write, but I’ve been really wanting to get back into it. I wrote this piece in January of last year - 2019 - but left it to rot in my Google Drive... It’s not the best piece of writing, I’d say, but I feel the need to just put it up so that I hopefully can move on and post a more recent piece of writing soon-ish. Quarantine is boring me to the brink. Hope you’re all well and can get some enjoyment out of this! x

He had never cared for an animal on his own before, but Harry was convinced that every pet owner gained some sort of extrasensory perception - or rather, a sixth sense - upon deciding to house a little creature. With previous family cats, or even the hamster that his sister had convinced their parents to adopt when he was about 4 years old, his mother had handled all of the arising problems herself, usually trying to keep her children out of the sad aspects of living with a pet. Therefore, 23-year-old Harry didn’t have any pre-existing experience with spotting illness in animals, yet when he woke up one morning and saw Juniper - his little Jack Russell Terrier - not already impatiently sitting by her bowl, tail wagging about, that he sensed something was... off.

Now, two days later and Juniper still refusing to move about more than absolutely necessary (usually she would join him on his morning runs, zoom around his apartment after tennis balls and properly beg him to take her on another walk when he got in from lectures and classes), an immensely worried Harry knew he had to take action. The only issue was that veterinarian visits weren’t exactly easily affordable on a student budget. Sure, he could always contact his mother and request a little support, but he was well aware of her current financial situation and had previously made the decision to help her out rather than ask for money.

It seemed as though the stars aligned for him when he brought up his struggles to Adam, who often spared him an ear to let him vent about various issues. He had been Harry’s friend ever since they found themselves seated next to each other in the introductory lecture to their Psychology degree. In their two and a half years of friendship Adam had offered lots of (sometimes unsolicited) advice to Harry, which had rarely been useful. But this time around, Adam’s proposition might have the actual potential of leading towards a useful solution for his problem.

“Do you remember that girl David used to date? I think…. Emelie? Erica? Can’t really remember. Anyways, one time at pre-drinks I got into conversation with her - wanted to know who was silly enough to go out with that git. She told me she was studying to become a vet! Can you believe? She seemed really smart so I don’t really know what she was doing with… Not that important, actually. Few weeks later Sarah’s cat wasn’t feeling great and apparently she came by to do a check-up for free. Think I’d be able to get you her number if you wanna give that a shot!”

So here he was, stood in his kitchen at 7 am, waiting for this vet student to reply to the text message he’d sent her. Turns out Adam got the name wrong during their conversation and apparently she was actually called Emma, but that wasn’t really of any importance to him. What was important, instead, was that she would get back to Harry as quickly as possible. He was eyeing his little pup nervously, having just spent an exhausting night alongside her, and even though he knew it wasn’t really proper etiquette to contact someone before at least 8 in the morning, he really couldn’t help himself. Hopefully this Emma would be able to fulfill the high praises Adam, and upon inquiry their friend Sarah as well, had sung about her.

It seemed as though she was off to a good start, because no more than 10 minutes later he was alerted of a new text message through the bell-noise of his phone. Harry had been crouched next to Juniper, who seemed to currently prefer residing in the dog bed he had placed in the living room, but quickly shot up and slid towards the device on the kitchen counter.

“Hello Harry! Yes, this is Emma! I could come by and take a look at your pup after classes, which would be around 5. Would that work for you? I don’t want to promise that I’ll be able to do much, but I can definitely tell you what other steps you should take. Send me your address and let me know if that time works for you! x Emma”

_______________________________________________

The light succession of knocks on his front door startled Harry. He had gotten in about an hour ago, after attending two lectures which he hadn’t completely focused on. While waiting for who he was hoping he would dub “saviour” by the end of her visit Harry had busied himself with cleaning the place up and doting on his poor doggo.

As he pulled the door open, some information lodged itself into place in his head. How could he have not made the link before? She had attended some pre-drinks and various night out’s on the arm of David, a tosser that was - sadly, really - the roommate of one of Harry’s better friends. He had never been fond of David, but remembers the moment distinctly in which he had laid eyes upon this girl now standing in front of him.

Remembers how his heart had beaten a little faster, because she truly looked like the sweetest girl around. Remembers how she had shot everyone the kindest smile as she was being introduced. Remembers how he had been convinced she must be mad and incredibly naive, for he knew no other reason why she would hang around his asshole acquaintance.

“Oh, hi! I figured it was you, but wasn’t entirely sure!” Her voice pulled Harry out of his little daydream. He felt a little taken aback, but reciprocated her enthusiastic smile and tone of voice while greeting her.

“Hey! What a surprise, didn’t know you were studying to be a vet. Thank you for stopping by, Emma.”

She toed off her shoes, discarded her winter jacket on the coat rack by the door and turned back towards him. He pretended to not notice the small once-over she gave him, for the sake of not making her uncomfortable before she just did him and his dog a huge favour. “So, where’s your pup? Juniper, is it?” Harry immediately led her towards the living room. Upon catching sight of the miserable looking animal, Emma, seemingly not being able to hold back, let out a tiny coo and immediately moved towards her.

“I’m honestly not really sure what happened. One day she was fine, coming on runs with me and going ballistic in the flat and then the next she was barely able to get up. I’ve never really cared for a dog myself before so I didn’t really know if she was just in a mood or hurt, but her situation didn’t really improve so…” Harry trailed off, keeping his eyes fixed on his dog as Emma lowered herself to the ground. The extreme amount of nervous energy coursing through his body almost made him want to chuckle. If this was how badly an ill dog affected him, how would he be able to deal with his own children in the future?

Hovering a hand over the dog’s head, Emma addressed Harry. “Are you alright with me touching her?” The young man hummed in agreement, willing to do just about everything at this point. “As I already mentioned in my text, I can’t really promise I’m gonna be able to help. I also just wanna let you know that I’ve obviously not finished my degree yet, so I’m not a legit veterinary yet. So I really need you to be aware of that. I won’t do anything that I’m not one hundred percent sure of, but I can definitely give you an assessment of her situation, at the very least.”

Harry was aware of this. It was also the information that his friend Sarah had given him. Emma was still at university, therefore not a licensed vet yet, but apparently extremely careful and trustworthy. And because taking at least a look at some other student’s sick animals was a great way to put all her training into practice, she did these sort of check ups for free. He appreciated Emma’s reiteration of this disclaimer though, and immediately let her know that he was alright with the situation.

And to be honest, had he not previously been made aware that she was still in the process of getting her degree, he probably would not have noticed any difference between her and the fully fledged veterinarian that had come round to his mother’s house a few times when he was younger. Emma had an extremely calm aura surrounding her, which put Juniper - who had been jittery every time Harry approached her - at ease quite quickly.

The next few moments introduced a concentrated silence to Harry’s living room. He didn’t quite know what to do with himself as her hands softly reached out towards different parts of Juniper’s little body, so he started gnawing on his lips and continuously shifting his weight from one leg onto the other and back. This seemed to amuse the girl on his living room floor, because she took a second to let her gaze move from the intense focus on the animal towards its agitated owner. “How about you sit down on the couch? Think you being stationary might help calm the pup down a little bit.”

So that’s what Harry did. Took a seat on the cushioning and waited for any potential questions he knew she was bound to ask him. When Emma spoke up after a few more moments, the questions she asked seemed pretty standard to him. How old was Juniper? What did she weigh? How often would he usually take her out on a walk? Did she still eat like usually? What was her behaviour like when she wasn’t feeling poorly? He answered every question she posed to the best of his abilities, but couldn’t really help and inquire himself after a while: “What do you reckon is the problem, then?”

She gracefully angled her body towards Harry’s sitting form. That was something he had been noticing the entire time she had conducted the little examination - Emma exuded grace and tranquility. She had only directed the most delicate of touches and softest words towards Juniper, and even though she had not made any sort of body contact with Harry, he had also felt immensely soothed simply by her presence. He wondered if that was just her natural demeanor or a way of handling herself she had acquired during her veterinary training. “From what you’ve been telling me about her being really energetic and playful usually, just like any Jack Russell Terrier really, I’d say it’s very likely she had some zoomies and hurt herself during. Looks and feels to me like there’s a little issue in the back of her vertebrae.”

Emma’s explanation made a lot of sense to Harry. Juniper was a very lively dog and often had little bursts of energy that she released by dashing in and out of every room in his small flat, jumping on various pieces of furniture and gliding around the wooden floors. It was likely that she had been a little overzealous and one point and gotten herself hurt without him noticing, even though that made him feel a little inadequate as a pet owner. “And… so… what happens now?”

With a few light pats on the top of Juniper’s head Emma parted from the animal and got back on her feet. “Well… Gotta be honest here, I don’t feel comfortable doing an osteopathic procedure on my own because I haven’t really mastered that training yet, but you’re in luck.” Harry motioned for her to follow him and the two of them stepped into the kitchen. He wanted to let his dog rest a little bit, and because he was sure animals understood the human language more than they let on, he located their conversation about her health to another room. “My dad’s got an animal osteopathy clinic up in Manchester. He’s supposed to be coming down to London for dinner tomorrow anyway, so if I butter him up well enough he’d probably be happy to take a detour before that and do a little session on Juniper.” After taking a little glance at Harry’s increasingly worried face - because he hadn’t ever really been aware that there were osteopaths specialised in animal care and also would any of this this hurt his pup even more? - Emma quickly added: “And don’t worry about paying him. He owes me a favour for helping out in the clinic for free during busy weekends.”

Harry hadn’t planned to tear up, he really hadn’t. Such a reaction wasn’t usually in the cards for him - sure, compared to his friends he was quite the emotional fella, but he was studying to be a psychologist and usually had his wits about him - but the gratitude he felt towards this tiny helper, who had just randomly appeared in his and his dog’s life, was indescribable. Here stood this gentle young woman, who had made time in her probably super busy and hectic student schedule to take a closer look at his dog because he struggled to afford a real vet visit, and who had miraculously calmed Juniper, who had been nervous and in pain, down seemingly by just entering the building, and now she was offering him her dad’s osteopathic services, also free of charge? How could he possibly hold it together in the face of such kindness?

Apparently, his depiction of emotion was a little surprising to Emma. With widened eyes she observed as he tried to get a grip, seemingly not really knowing how to approach this man who she had only spoken to a couple of brief times.”Sorry, sorry. That’s… Yeah, that’d be amazing. I’ve just been really stressed about this and you’re being really nice and just… thank you, really. Sorry.” Harry shot her an appreciative smile while willing the moisture in his eyes to subside quicker.

Catching a glimpse of the digital clock on his microwave, Emma let out a surprised noise and made a move towards the front door. “You’re alright, don’t worry about it. I’ll text you early tomorrow to figure out what time would be good for you, yeah? I’ve got to dash now, though. Got a paper to finish for this class of mine”, she said as she tucked her feet back into the black boots she had entered his flat in.

The last thing she said to Harry as they parted ways for the night made his cheeks light up with a rosy glow. Because he really had tried to clean his living space up well enough before she arrived earlier, wanting to seem put-together and rational for this (as he then had believed) stranger. It seemed as though he either hadn’t done a good enough job or Emma had, in addition to all of her other attributes he had taken notice of, a keen eye for observations. “Oh yeah, I think it’s super endearing that you’re willing to sleep on your couch to make her more comfortable. You seem like a great owner, don’t stress about it.”

________________________________________________

The shrieking laughter of his friends still reached Harry, even as he distanced himself from them and closed the door that connected Adam’s living room to his kitchen. He hadn’t really been in the mood to get hammered tonight, much less to make an appearance at some random bloke’s birthday party, but here he stood anyways. Already empty wine glass in his left hand, waiting for everyone’s intoxication levels to rise so that they could make their way out. The sooner Harry and his mates got to that celebration, the sooner it would be acceptable for him to duck out and return to the safe, warm, and especially calm confines of his flat.

Harry really didn’t pay attention to his surroundings as he was scavenging various shelves for the bottle of wine Adam had shooed him off of the comfortable armchair for. Adam was always a keen but awful host. He didn’t have any quarrels about their group of friends hanging out at his little apartment, but would make everyone else in attendance tend to any arising hosting duties - like sticking your head into the deep unknown of his cluttered cupboards to locate a new bottle of red. When a charming giggle erupted from behind him, a startled Harry turned around immediately. As his gaze fell upon his current favorite person in the world - yes, he was aware that he had a knack for dramatising - the alarmed heartbeat in his chest declined towards a way slower thud. “Don’t scare me like that.” He raised his hand to his chest theatrically in an attempt to garner a repeat of that wonderfully melodic giggle, and succeeded. After a few short seconds of exchanging glances and smiles, a thought crossed his mind: “Not to sound rude, but what are you doing here?”

Emma took a step closer to him and grabbed one of the long-stemmed wine glasses that had been placed on the kitchen counter by Sarah earlier in the evening. “Honestly, not completely sure. Adam - he’s your friend, right? - texted me out of the blue and so did Sarah. Said that even though I’m, and I quote, ‘thankfully’ not seeing David anymore I’m still invited to hang out with the gang so… Here I am, I guess.” The bright smile which appeared on her face was almost enough to lessen the annoyance rising up Harry’s throat. Almost.

No matter how hard he tried to keep mum, the endeared exclamations about his new acquaintance just broke past the barrier his lips had tried to keep aloft. Sitting in another early morning lecture, Adam had asked how the meeting with “little miss doctor” had gone - because of course that nosy shit was going to pester him about it - and Harry just… erupted. Had entertained his friend’s digs for information and explained how much of a calming effect the vet-in-training had supplied not only to his dog but him as well. How (pleasantly) surprised he had been to learn that he actually kind of knew the woman that appeared by his front door. And Harry didn’t really regret bringing Adam up to speed on that first meeting - he had arranged it, had he not? -, but rather he was embarrassed by his retelling of the following evening.

Emma and her dad had knocked on his door shortly after 6, excuses spilling from the woman’s lips about her class had run late and the older man slightly eyeing up Harry from behind his daughter’s body blocking the doorway. After a few initial moments of awkwardness, which Harry wasn’t really sure of why they had arisen, the trio moved towards Juniper’s sleepy figure, still located in the living room.

While her father went to work on his new patient - and now Harry was aware from whom the girl standing next to him had inherited her vast amount of calmness - Emma turned towards its owner. “She’ll be back to knocking into all your furniture during her zoomies in no time.” And man, had Harry felt assured by these softly spoken words.

During the whole procedure Harry fought a little battle in his mind. He didn’t really know this girl at all, did he? Hadn’t interacted much with Emma other than run-ins with her latched onto David’s arm - he had thought about that relationship quite a lot the previous night and he really could not come to a logical conclusion as to how that had established itself, but he was grateful that she seemed to have seen the light and dumped him a while back - and her visit to his sick dog which had taken place a mere 25 hours back. Yet she had displayed such an openness to him, that he just felt incredibly indebted to her.

He had wanted to repay her in some way, and perhaps selfishly use that opportunity to spend more time in her enchanting presence, but with her father there he could not find the right words to extend her a casual dinner invitation. And exactly this sentiment had Harry really hung up when he described the events of the past two days to Adam. Harry had wanted to ask Emma out, but in the end just couldn’t gather up the courage and he felt his chance had now passed. Juniper felt a lot better and there was no need to seek Emma’s veterinary advice.

Turns out, Harry’s friends weren’t as complacent as him and had decided to take matters into their own hands, inviting her to their get-together not purely out of kindness but also to create another opportunity for their friend to get off his arse and ask the sweet girl out already. And Harry was grateful, for sure, he just wasn’t prepared. He would have appreciated a little head’s up.

As it currently stood though, the evening was shaping itself up to becoming intriguing.

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #fanfiction #harry fanfiction #one direction fanfiction

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polygamyff · 4 years

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48.

My baby’ first day at day care, I am nervous but also excited to take her. I think she will enjoy it, as long as they give Reign something for the pain she will be fine “you are becoming so big my princess, have you grown? You looking so pretty for day care” leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Reign’ cheek “aww happy baby ain’t you” Reign clapped her hands giggling “you need to sit here baby, you’re wearing white and I can’t let you ruin this. Let me take a picture for your daddy, he can’t be here for your first day” walking over to the side table in the bedroom, I have strapped Reign into her booster seat, I can’t let her start ruining her outfit now, it’s white. Reign was supposed to go to day care last week but Maurice being Maurice, he didn’t want her to go yet, he took her to work but then he complained after like, I could have told him that. She likes to play, she is so happy today and I am loving it “excited aren’t you?” she is talking so much to herself, she is constantly saying da which doesn’t bother me but I wish she said mama, I mean I am the one that gave birth to her “ok, I am here. What is it?” Reign is staring at her hand saying something “what have you seen?” making my way back to Reign with my phone in hand, leaning down and holding her hand “what is it?” she is being intrigued by her hand, I don’t know what for “shall mommy kiss it better?” she looked up at me “ok” kissing her little hand “there we go, mommy kissed it better. Shall we take a picture for daddy now, he will be sad if he doesn’t get one” tapping on my camera on my phone “Reign! Baby look here” she is back to touching her hand again, I gasped “papa is here” Reign looked up, she knew. Taking the picture “so the word papa has really seeped into your little mind, what is he like” Maurice is a pain with this “let me send this to him” sitting on the edge of the bed, tapping on Maurice’ name “he is going to see how pretty you look” I do want to kill him too, Reign’ bedroom is becoming a damn amusement park, like my home is being changed dramatically. They are still working on it, today is supposed to be the last day, I do hope.

I miss my mom so much, it’s so empty without shouting mommy can you get this or get Reign for me “oh dear, your nose is running” making my way into the main living room “Jay, can you hold Reign for me?” I be always asking him to do that now since my mom is gone “sure” Jay got up from the couch “come here little crazy!” Jay laughed walking towards us “she was dancing last night; she was making me laugh. Hey you!” Reign smiled “I will wipe her nose, be back” walking off to get some tissues for her nose, also we have the new maid in the home which I am trying to get used too but it’s proving difficult for me “Good morning Mrs Davenport” Krista said to me “morning Krista, did Maurice tell you that I cleaned our bedroom already?” I asked “oh yes he did and thank you for the welcome gifts. You are so kind” I smiled at her grabbing the tissue from the side, when Krista came I thought I would try and be nice, I got her a welcome hamper, I mean she is living with us so she is family, like Jay is so I got to try. She seems to be not in the way at all, she is always doing her thing though. She is very kind too; I do lose her in the home. My phone started to ring in my hand, it’s my mother “hello mom” answering the call “morning Robbie, I miss you so much. How are you?” making my way back to Jay “I am ok mom, just getting Reign ready for day care, it’s her first time. I am excited for her. Also her tooth at the bottom is pushing out, I can see it. I am like so excited that my baby is getting her first tooth, how are you?” wiping Reign’ nose, her little red cheeks are adorable to me “there you go, Jay. Please do not let her ruin her clothes” I said to him before walking off “I am ok, I have seen Thomas. We are starting again, but I said before we start thinking things are ok, Robyn is the girl you hurt. But I am missing you so much Robyn, my beautiful girl” I grinned like a goof, my mom makes me happy so much.

Sitting down away from Jay “I love you mom; I do miss you here. When are you coming back?” my mom laughed “I have been here a week Robyn, soon” poking my lips out “but, I do have something to speak to you about, I came back, and I responded to the letter. She left her number; it was her daughter’ number. I text it; I didn’t want to talk but she called me so I answered, it was awkward oh my god, it was hard to speak to her. She said she remembers me for the little time I was with him and she asked is it true, is the girl we saw on the TV that smiled like her brother is the girl. She said in my heart I know it is, so I said it is. And I apologised and I explained why, I was scared but she said she understood. I was shocked, she said things were a mess. Her mother cried seeing you but she said it might not be it without clear confirmation, they do remember I was dating him, he spoke a lot about me which to be honest, I got emotional. He didn’t speak on feelings as much but his sister said he mentioned me to her, he was happy. Anyways enough of me but then she said she would call later, she did. I spoke to Rell’ mother, it was emotional. I ended up crying, so she said can I meet her, I said she lives in New York, she has also just recently found out about Rell, this is all new to her. We kept it short so she says she will fly to you, just her ex-husband, her son too. They broke up once Rell passed away, she said in her heart she felt her son lived on. Look It’s up to you, she said she will come to you. But let me know, I will set it up for you. No need to speak to her, just once you’re ready” I wasn’t expecting this at all, I paused just thinking to myself “Robbie, you don’t have to say anything right now” my mom said “uhm, Maurice is at work. I will speak to him; I don’t know how to feel mom. It’s just weird, it’s like I am missing something in my heart. Thomas will never be dad anymore and I am mourning that and now I have to mourn the fact my real dad is dead? I just can’t process this; I am mourning my dad” I am welling up now.

Taking in a deep breath “I will speak to Maurice on this mom, I am ok” I don’t want to cry but I do feel upset in regards to this situation, I feel very hurt “you do what you need to Robyn, you can decide to meet them or not, it’s ok. You speak to Maurice” smiling a little “I will do, and mom. Thank you for protecting me, as a mother myself now. I was ready to protect Reign from Maurice and his family; I would do the same. I know the love you hold for me like I do for Reign, I get it” my mom cooed out “thank you Robyn, that means so much to me. Sometimes as a mother you can make the wrong decisions, that is ok too, but you think on it. I am not going to tell what to do ok?” she is leaving the decision to me, bless her “thank you mom, I will catch Maurice later, he was talking to his Mami in the morning. This is the first time I have caught him doing it” the phone line went silent “what?” my mom said “Paula from Spain, his Mami like he calls her. The woman that took care of him, he was speaking to her in Spanish, such strong Spanish so I could not understand what he was saying, seems like he was arguing, I only knew when he said Mami, Mami and then something about something. I have no idea mom, but he was speaking to her in the morning. I would like to know. I wish I knew Spanish, it’s funny how he doesn’t ever call Joy, like at all” it’s so odd, I find it weird “as a mother that would hurt me, wow. What is Mami?” my mom asked “mother I think anyways, I need to go and drop off Reign, speak soon. Love you” I want my mom back already “love you too, don’t work too hard” I laughed disconnecting the call “shall we drop you off now baby, time for day care” getting up from the seat.

Jay came with me, he is driving me when I said I could but he said he would do it “so how are things between you and Ally? Are you both official yet?” I am being nosey of course, not like I care but I like to be nosey “uh, no not yet. Still early days, I feel like” Jay paused as he was looking around at the New York traffic “I feel like she is holding back, we didn’t have sex at all. That never happened, I actually got my own room. She is nice, I feel like she wants love but doesn’t want to give it, I think she is scared. And I ain’t got no problem with that, just give me a little. You know” and it was like the thought hit me “maybe Maurice did that” it came out of my mouth so quick, I didn’t even process that “ha, wow. You didn’t think about that did you?” Jay said, I am shocked at myself “clearly not, sorry. I think, and I am just saying this, I know Maurice was not an angel. I know that myself, trust me. He did do that girl so wrong; I am not sticking up for her or him, she is stupid too but he also kept going along with this game, but I get it also. Love doesn’t go away, I know she cares for Maurice way more then she is leading on, Maurice probably knows that too but he wants her to move on, I did see you both talking, you both looked very happy, I think you need to give her time if you are willing to give it her. I have stopped being a bitch, at one point I wanted her dead, I wanted a lot but then I had to weigh out the faults. She was a woman about it too, but I did hate her and I now don’t care because I don’t feel insecure, like I did anyways” Jay sighed out “I do have time I guess, you are brutally honest today aren’t you” nodding my head laughing “I can’t help it, but it’s just one of those things. I am not blind to it, love doesn’t go away, and I can see she did love him, I mean come on. She stuck around for his shit, I didn’t and wouldn’t. Now he is good, but I can imagine how he was, business men do have that power hungry head, he does. I just know my man, and I know what love is. Give her time, she is scared of another man hurting her, ok?” Jay smirked “thank you Robyn, women are hard to figure out, but I do understand now” I want Ally to get a man for herself, I am not blaming just her because it was him too.

Placing Reign’ baby bag over my arm before picking her out of the car seat “big day for you baby, I hope you’re going to be a good girl” I love this Fendi hend band, she looks so glamorous for today “shall I come with you?” Jay asked “no, I am ok. Stay there please, I don’t want them to think we are having a bodyguard now” pressing the buzzer “it’s your nap time soon isn’t it” watching Reign sucking on her bottom lip, she just wants to chew and suck on anything “I wish I could stop the drooling” wiping her chin “I will get your soft toy out to chew on” she has to be the biggest blessing for me, I love her so much “Good morning! Hello Reign-Texas, and Robyn. Come in” Thelma met us, walking inside the building “doesn’t she look like a doll, hello you” Reign stared at Thelma in disgust “I thought, it’s her first day. Dress to impress” I laughed wiping the saliva again “my baby” I feel sad now, I don’t want to leave her at all “come on in, settle Reign in for the first time. Maurice not here this time?” Thelma asked “no, he is working. He had to go, he will be picking her up though, so you will see him, he will be emotional about it” I know what he is like with his dramatic ass “I am sure he will be” following Thelma to the room.

Sitting on the floor next to Reign, she has her grip on my sleeve while stood tall looking around, she is intrigued to see other kids around “I have put her things away, and we will do as you said with the medication for the pain. Reign, we have your milk. It’s your nap time now” Thelma said, Reign’ eyes widened seeing her own milk bottle. Her head turned looking at me “Thelma got your bottle?” I said, Reign looked back and she raised her free hand towards the bottle “it’s your bottle baby, you go to bed now” Thelma crouched down “come on, you’re coming to me” Thelma placed her bottle down and then opened her arms, Reign is just staring she ain’t going to do anything. Reaching over and grabbing Reign’ bottle “I think I will feed her, put her to sleep and then go?” I can’t help it, it’s my daughter and I honestly don’t want to leave her, but I have work, I love her to death. I don’t want to leave her with strangers, and I am so sad to leave her, but I won’t admit that to Maurice because then he will say I told you so.

I don’t have a car seat for Reign, and I am in my SUV, what can I do but place her on my lap. I can’t wait to see Reign, if they ever open the damn door. I really need to get Robyn a car, soon anyways. The door opened, this white lady stood there “Maurice, come in. Sorry we took so long” walking inside “it’s ok, I am excited to see my daughter. Is she ok? How has she been?” I hope she is ok, at least had a good day “I have not seen her, I know she is new though” letting out an oh, she swiped her card and the door unlocked “we have Reign’ dad here, come in” I can see my baby from here, in her little white dress “look at my boo thang” Thelma is putting her jacket on “is she sad?” I asked, I keep asking this lady things and she don’t know “Thelma can speak on her day for you, here she is” my smile grew “Mi Amor, awww hello, come here” Reign looked actually happy to see me, her arms open to me, the biggest smile on her face “yes, papa is here” taking Reign from Thelma “awww we hug, ok we hug” Reign held me “how was she? Did she cry?” I need to know this “she woke up very unsettled, she was not happy at first. Then the day continued she started to warm to me, I took her to the soft play area, get her moving more. She is reluctant in walking; she is there but it’s so scary. We all get it, it’s a big step in her case. And she hasn’t explored in terms of crawling, I see her refusal to attempt to crawl, she doesn’t want to know. She stands and thinks of what to do, she was ok. We had fun didn’t we Reign” she looks happy, I can take that “she skipped over the normal procedure, she is special. I am glad to know she had fun, yeah?” looking at Reign, she smiled at me “for once huh, you want to smile at me” she missed me.

Robyn told me to cook dinner, well I didn’t cook I obviously ordered something in, I don’t really cook. I mean if I wanted too I could, it’s literally hard work trying to feed myself and then Reign at the same time when she is making a damn mess of everything “are you done? Mess” sat there slapping the damn tray “I am back home and look at you both eating late why?” feeling Robyn press a kiss to the top of my head “well, the food came late. It’s still warm, come and eat and also feed Reign” I said, Robyn made her way to Reign “mommy is back, look at your messy face. Missed you, I will be back to eat with you. I thought you was going to cook?” I had to laugh at that “you thought Bonita, and that was never going to happen. What’s good? I got you something too Jay, sit down” dapping Jay “Reign is a mess” Jay pointed “this is what happens when you leave a man to do something, how was day care for her, I was so sad leaving her. Tell me” I pointed at Robyn “you wanted this!” I spat “anyways, tell me!?” Robyn half shouted “so yeah, I went there and Reign was so happy to see me, Thelma said she was unsettled when she woke up but she was ok, she said Reign is scared to take that big step, it’s ok. Daddy got you” Robyn sat down at the table “awww my baby, I am happy she was ok, I just didn’t want her to be stressed out upset, what is this? Daddy decided to take off your clothes as he does! Maurice, you love doing this to her, she has been putting food all over herself, god” I shrugged “you’re here now” she can deal with it.

Robyn is not amused by what I did, she had to give Reign a bath and clean up the mess “can you never feed Reign again? You’re a mess, but anyways. I need to speak to you” my ears perked up “oh, am I in trouble” flicking through the newspaper, I like to see the business part “listen to me” she snatched the newspaper “ok” rolling my eyes and moving onto my back “what was you arguing to Paula about? You seemed really angry at her?” she heard then “she came to Atlanta to visit; she never came to see me. I was highly upset about it, she said that my dad told her to not see me, Joy doesn’t like it. I just got angry saying since when do you listen to him, I wanted you here. She said she doesn’t want to upset Joy, and I just said in Spanish terms fuck her” Robyn put her finger up to stop me from speaking “I am not spreading any rumours but so was your dad, are they still fucking!?” I shrugged “I just find it rude that she was there, it’s whatever though. It’s not my problem but her husband came so I doubt it” I stifled out a yawn “your dad totally met her, I don’t care what you say but anyways, next chapter in the Willis household” I groaned out “nobody care about Willis household, they boring” Robyn reached over slapping my arm “be quiet, so my mom called me. My real dad’ mom wants to meet me, she said she is willing to come New York for me, my mom said it is up to me on what I want to do but I said I would speak to you about it. I just feel scared and sad, I don’t know. You tell me, I trust your word” my eyed widened “wow, ok” that is a big jump “they really want to see you, hand on my heart. I would say let them come here, they can use my office meeting room. I would do it, I can either watch from afar or be there, but do it” Robyn is very unsure, bless her heart “no, I want you there please. So I should say yes?” nodding my head “trust me, it could be a good thing and if not you’re not losing anything, I will be there” I agree with the meet up, I think it will be great.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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creampuffqueen · 5 years

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The Anarchy Sisters- Chapter Four

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve actually posted any real writing! It may be midnight on a Sunday but I’ve had less sleep before and I was inspired enough to finish the chapter tonight.

Just a beware, it’s shorter than some of the others, because it just felt like a good place to end it. Either way, I hope you all enjoy it, and I know I would enjoy any feedback this gets :)

Yes, I have read Supernova and know this is definitely not canon compliant, but it was meant to be an AU anyway, so there.

Read this on Ao3 Here!

~~~~

“Adrian!” Ten-year-old Max Everhart stood on his tiptoes to wave to his older brother down in the lobby of HQ. Renegades milled about anxiously, as they had been doing ever since the parade had been aired on TV.

Adrian and his teammates made their way up to the quarantine as fast as they could; though it was more like a snail’s pace, with the amount of people they had to push through. Max noticed with a start that Danna was missing from the group.

“Hey there, Bandit. What’s up?” Adrian stood with his hands casually in his pockets, but Max could still see where his fingers were fiddling with his marker. He was nervous about something.

A thousand questions were burning in his mind, but Max shoved them all aside and brought up the most important one. “Are Dad and Pops okay?”

The question seemed to make Adrian relax a little, which made Max know his answer instantly. Still, it was nice to hear it from someone’s lips.

“Dad and Pops are fine. And so are the rest of the Council.” Even Ruby and Oscar seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at Adrian’s words.

“And what about everyone else? Civilians? Did the balloon damage any buildings?” Max couldn’t help the near-interrogation of his brother. The parade had been broadcasted live all over HQ, but after the assasination attempt of Captain Chromium and The Puppeteer’s balloon, the camera crew had instead rushed to help, leaving everyone in the dark about what was going on.

“The only injuries that we were told of were from people tripping over each other trying to get away. Nothing serious.” This time it was Oscar who answered, leaning on his cane as he spoke. Max wondered if that meant he was tired.

“Adrian, can you draw me the balloon?” Max made sure to use the certain smile that he reserved for things like this- asking for his older brother to draw him something he probably would say no to.

And sure enough, Adrian sighed, but pulled out his marker. His sketch of the balloon was rough, but with Adrian’s skills, even his rough drawings were better than the average person’s masterpiece.

The balloon was slowly pushed through the glass, and when Max reached over to grab it, he let out a soft gasp and a “woah”. The balloon was floating, despite the fact it was made of glass.

Max grinned at Adrian, holding the basket of the balloon delicately, so it wouldn’t float away, but so it wouldn’t shatter either.

“Thanks.” Adrian shrugged, like it was no big deal- like anyone could just casually make a drawing come to life and float through the air. It never failed to amaze Max how humble his brother was.

Max brought the balloon over to his ever-growing rendition of Gatlon City in glass. He put the balloon into the street that the parade had taken place in, where several miniature glass sculptures of the floats were. Adrian had drawn him some that morning, allowing him a sneak peak at the surprise floats.

He placed a few glass figurines inside the basket, weighing the balloon down enough that it hovered a few inches off the ground. Max turned around and gave a thumbs up. Adrian smiled back, and waved, and then walked off to join his teammates.

And though he was turned away, Max thought, for a split second, he had seen a concerned frown cross Adrian’s face. His brother was bothered by something- something he wasn’t telling anyone.

He felt a small pang in his chest, like he did every day. Every time he wished he could step outside his quarantine. He knew it was for everyone’s own good, but he still couldn’t help but feel slightly resentful, of everyone. Because anyone could go ask his brother what was bothering him, chase him down if need be, and anyone could go and hug his Pops, and Max couldn’t.

Max was aware, like he was every day, that he’d give up everything in an instant. All his powers, he’d lose them. If only he could be normal.

He trailed away from the glass city, feeling tired. Tired of hoping and wishing and feeling sad for himself. Adrian and his team didn’t look back, but Max did. And he wished that, for once, maybe they’d look back.

But of course, Max couldn’t begrudge them. He couldn��t. They were Renegades, true, working, Renegades. Not like him, his title only and honorary one. Adrian and his team had work to do. And with the assassination attempt on the Captain, it seemed their work would be cut out for them.

He sulked back to his bedroom; if one could call it that. Was a curtained off section in a glass quarantine a bedroom? The floor, like the rest of the room, was totally glass. The only area that was truly private was the restroom, and that was so small he was practically in the sink while he used the toilet.

Max was curled on his bed, still in his pajamas, ready to take a nap so maybe he wouldn’t feel quite so sorry for him, when a loud rap on the glass shocked him out of it.

He pulled himself off the bed and the comforter decorated with comic book panels, and trudged to the window.

When he saw who was awaiting him, he didn’t bother to hide his groan or eye roll. Maggie.

The girl was standing with her arms crossed, like she always did. Maggie could be a nice girl… every now and then. Max could count said instances on one hand.

“Magpie.” He started neutrally.

She sighed, not moving her arms. “Bandit.”

“Do you need something?” He asked, growing slightly annoyed.

Maggie sighed again, shaking her head. Her dark hair was cut to her collarbone, and it swayed with her head when she moved it. Max found it distracting.

“If there’s nothing you need, I’m going back.”

“No, don’t go. I do need something from you.” As Maggie spoke, her own teammates crept up to the quarantine, looking pityingly at Max.

Linette, alias Spitfire, made her way to Maggie to stand by her and look mildly threatening. Daniel, alias Worldwide, stood off to the side more, though he didn’t look any less upset.

“Great.” Max muttered under his breath. “What can I do for you, oh so mighty Magpie?”

“If you’re going to be annoying then I won’t ask.”

“Fine by me,” Max retorted, “I don’t really care if you talk to me or not.”

Linette elbowed Maggie sharply, earning a muffled curse from the other girl. Linette leaned in and whispered something, and Maggie groaned audibly, but uncrossed her arms.

“We want a favor. It’s not just for me, it’s for my team, too.”

“Hit me.” Max sighed. “What is it now?” It wasn’t like Maggie generally asked for things. In fact, she was typically very independent, and so was her fledgeling team. Max knew the trio was working hard to gain respect from the older Renegades. But even so, Maggie was being annoying, and he wasn’t going to just take it.

“We want you to talk to those dads of yours, and ask them to send different teams for the cleanup that’s bound to happen later. We’re sick of cleaning up messes. We want to be on patrols, or even just part of a night watch team.” Maggie bit her lip, then stopped and put her face in a scowl when she saw him notice.

Max felt a sudden burst of sympathy for the girl and her team. He thought about how he’d feel if he was on a team and only ever got to do cleanup, after all the action was over.

“Fine.” He conceded. “I can’t promise their response, but I will promise to ask them.” Maggie cracked something that was possibly akin to a smile, if you squinted hard enough. Next to her, Linette grinned unabashedly. And Daniel bumped his fist against the glass walls, like Adrian and Oscar sometimes did.

The girls of the team trailed off, Maggie practically dragging Linette away, as if she couldn’t stand to be near him any longer, but Daniel stayed for a moment longer.

“You know, Bandit, Maggie isn’t always like this. She’s cool, most of the time.” He brushed his turquoise-tipped hair out of his face, which gave Max the bizarre thought that maybe he should dye his hair.

“Well, I have yet to see any proof of that, so-”

Daniel snorted. “Fair enough. See you later.” The boy trailed off, humming something to himself in a foreign language, fiddling with a necklace on his throat.

And even though he didn’t specifically want those friends, Max couldn’t help but speculate that having friends his age, instead of people nearing adulthood, might be nice.

Yeah, he thought, watching Daniel and Linette and Maggie skirt through the crowds in the HQ, it might be nice.

~~~~

Later, when most everyone was in bed and most of the excitement of the day had died down, Max sat cross-legged on the floor of his quarantine and played cards with his dad.

They were playing Battle, which was Max’s current obsessive card game. His dad refused to teach him Poker or Blackjack, and Speed got boring after a few rounds. Battle was a game of pure luck, and Max could appreciate that.

“Battle!” He said with a grin, placing down a four of spades as Hugh placed down the same number, but in hearts. Hugh smiled back at him and placed three cards facedown.

Max locked eyes with his dad and counted down dramatically, “Three, two… one!” The cards were flipped over, and Max cackled as he saw he had the larger one. He swept Hugh’s pile over to his and sorted through them quickly, adding them to his deck as he went.

“A king! And a ten, and… an ace!” Hugh groaned, though the smile didn’t leave his face. The pair went back to slapping down cards and pushed them towards the other, Max’s deck increasing rapidly.

They had another battle, in which Max lost, but only gave away bad cards. They fell into comfortable silence in the almost-darkness of the Renegades HQ.

“Battle.” The cards were pulled, then they were flipped, and Max laughed again as his father gave away another ace. He showed off the card with a smirk, and Hugh chuckled.

“Damn, Max, you’re lucky tonight.” Then he slapped a hand over his mouth, before quickly correcting himself. “I mean, dang, Max.” The ten-year-old boy snorted.

“Dad, I’m not that innocent. You should hear the kind of things Adrian’s team says. Ruby has a really filthy mouth sometimes, you know.” Max placed down another card to keep the game going.

“Well,” Hugh said, “I’m going to have to talk with your brother. They shouldn’t be using that kind of language around you-”

“Dad, don’t. You’re being such a dad.” Hugh rolled his eyes.

“Max, I am your dad. This is my job.”

“Well, Dad, can I dye my hair?” Max asked, using the same endearing grin that had worked on Adrian earlier.

“What? Where did that come from?” Hugh sighed as he lost another card to his son.

“Daniel has his hair dyed blue. Just the tips.”

“No, you’re not dying your hair.” He stated firmly. “You’re ten years old, Max. Daniel is what, fifteen?”

“He’s twelve, Dad. And he’s the oldest of his team. Maggie and Linette are both eleven.”

“My answer is still no. And battle.” Max placed down three cards, noticing with a smirk that Hugh only had three cards left. He made sure to make a big show of removing one of his cards so he could rub it in his face that he was winning.

Hugh won the battle, much to Max’s dismay. Even so, he still had nearly the entire deck.

“Speaking of Daniel’s team, they asked me a favor today.” Max started out as nonchalantly as possible. He wanted to ask Simon, because he knew his Pops was a little more lenient with the younger teams, but Hugh was here now, and it needed to be asked.

“And what would that favor be?” Hugh won three rounds in a row, and Max had to hold back a curse. He had been so close to winning; he couldn’t let Hugh make a comeback now.

“Well, they wanted me to ask you if they could get another duty besides cleanup. They said they’re sick of cleaning up others’ messes and missing all the action.”

At that, Hugh stopped playing, pinning Max with a serious, Captain Chromium Look. Max gulped.

“Max.” Hugh started. “This isn’t okay. I don’t want people trying to get in with your dad, me, or the rest of the Council through you. You aren’t a go-between for complaints. I’m going to go talk to them.”

“But Dad,” Max countered, “Why do they have to be on cleanup all the time? They have really useful skills; I mean, Linette can breathe freaking fire, but you don’t want her on patrols?”

“It’s not a matter of abilities, Max. They’re kids, hardly older than you, and while it’s noble that they want to help the Renegades, I don’t want to risk their safety.” Max hated that he made sense.

“Alright. But don’t get them in too much trouble, please? They’re pretty nice- or at least some of them are.” Hugh nodded, the Look fading off his features as he reached out to ruffle Max’s shaggy hair.

“I promise I won’t. And now- can you beat that?” Max looked down to see Hugh slap a two of clubs onto the glass floor. The man snorted, obviously amused, until Max placed down another two, and the look changed to amazement.

“What are they odds?” He muttered, placing down cards for another battle. Max won with a ten, leaving Hugh with one card.

Max’s dad placed his final card, a six, and Max put down a jack. With a cackle, Max swept away the card and held it triumphantly over his head. Hugh groaned as his son danced away with the deck, holding up his win for the very few people still in HQ to see.

When he sat back down, panting from laughter, Hugh leaned in to give him a hug. “Gotta go, bud. It’s late, and you need to get to bed.”

“Yeah.” Max conceded, feeling a yawn coming on from the mere mention of sleep. “But Dad, can I ask you something first?”

“Of course, Max.”

The yawn happened, and his face scrunched for a moment, but when it was over he looked up to his dad. “Can you maybe consider giving the younger teams some other duties? Like, not all the time, but maybe every now and then? Just so they don’t get so bored?”

Hugh was silent for a moment, but he finally sighed and said, “I can’t promise, because it takes some work to rearrange the schedules, but I will consider it. That I can promise.”

“Thank you, Dad.” He let Hugh pull him into a tight, bone-crushing hug, and melted into him. It was so nice to be held.

“You go to bed, Max. We have a long day tomorrow.”

“Cleaning up from the parade?”

Hugh grimaced. “That, but other things too. The Renegades Trials are coming up in a week.”

#renegades #archenemies #supernova #marissa meyer #the anarchy sisters #max everhart #adrian everhart #hugh everhart #simon westwood #nova artino #evie artino #fanfiction

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4birds-of-a-feather · 4 years

Text

Chapter 27 - Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight (when it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night) [part 1]

Birds Of a Feather

(title credits: What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?, Ella Fitzgerald)

Eddie had almost finished his third cigarette when, from the distance, he noticed a silhouette running in his direction while waving its arms around – his lips curled into a smile and, before he had completely crushed the cig under a boot, the person had finally reached him. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Ed” Sara managed to mutter, panting like she had just run the New York Marathon “I had to bring The Godfather I and II back – and you know how Video Isle is literally on the other side of town – and then I caught a bus at the last second and also literally threw myself off of it when it didn’t seem to stop at that bus stop over there and-” “Hey, no problem at all: I already bought the tickets for both of us-no, don’t start with all that ‘you didn’t need to buy mine too’ bullshit, I wanted to do it” he stopped her protests, gaining a snort and a scowl from the girl (though her red cheeks and nose didn’t manage to make her look threatening in the least) “I’m sorry you had to go to the trouble of going to another store, sounds like you had quite the Odyssey” “Nah, don’t worry: it was quite good, I also found a couple of movies that I need for an exam and that El hasn’t been able to book for me, so it’s a total win-win” she grinned at him, taking the ticket he was handing to her and suddenly running toward the entrance “Popcorn is on me and that’s mandatory!” The guy shook his head laughing but followed her nonetheless.

************************************************************************************************ Layla was standing in the middle of her room, carefully examining the pile of clothes she had scattered on the bed. “Ok, I gotta make a selection now or I will still be here for the midnight countdown” she sighed and started grabbing and putting stuff back in the closet. “It’s New Year’s Eve so no sad colors… and no pants!” she put away all her pants and jeans, leaving out the skirts. The girl held up her denim mini skirt and let out a brief cackle as she remembered Eddie’s drunk rant about that particular piece of clothing; she shook her head and put the skirt away, then spotted a blue velvet micro dress. “... Jesus, I totally forgot this even existed” she recalled having worn it only twice, and both times it was with her ex boyfriend. The memory immediately made her throw the dress back into the closet, although she told herself the reason was it was a little too skimpy for a house party. “What about this?” Layla was now looking at a red lacey longsleeve, walked over to the mirror and held the top against herself to see if it could go. “Yeah, the color is great! But I’ll need a darker skirt to match” the choice fell on a black leather skirt which was basically the shortest one she owned. “Uhm… will it be too much?” she ended up trying on the skirt over her house clothes “Nuh, not that bad: nude tights and Docs and it’ll go” she clapped her hands and the doorbell rang right at that moment. Layla went to see who it was and didn’t think too much about it. “Hi, guys! Thank you for coming to help setting things up but you didn’t need to show up so early” she excitedly told Mike and Elias, letting them in. “Early? You told us like twenty times to be here at half past five, I even set an alarm! Anyway, very nice choice, you look great” Elias smirked, eyeing the girl from head to toe. Mike couldn’t punch him because his hands were busy carrying a big box full of stuff for the party and instead was about to stomp not so lightly on his foot but Layla was too shocked to be concerned with her Earth Day t-shirt stuck into her skirt and grey track pants underneath. “HALF PAST FIVE?? IS IT HALF PAST FIVE ALREADY?!” she started hyperventilating and bolted into her room, leaving the two guys standing dumbfounded in the hallway. “AND WHERE IS STONE?” she asked her friends as she passed them by again, sprinting into Sara’s – once Jeff’s – room. “He’s parking the car, he’ll be here in a minute… errrrr-where can I put this stuff?” McCready asked, struggling to keep the balance because of the heavy carriage. “Oh! Thank you Mikey, give it to me” Layla came out and snatched the box from the guitarist’s hands, then carried it easily to the kitchen as it weighed nothing, something that made him suddenly feel self-conscious. “I love strong women” Elias remarked and this time Mike was able to slap him on the nape.

************************************************************************************************ “So… no Tom Hagen? He dies before the movie can even start? Just like that?” Ed muttered in disbelief, his mouth half-full with popcorn. “Fuckin’ bullshit, I can’t believe it...” the girl shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose in order to find some patience to endure the outrageous truth “They had the nerve to tell both my second favorite character of the whole saga and Robert Duvall to fuck off! Who let this happen??” “But who’s gonna be the new Consigliere? I mean, he was a brilliant lawyer and has worked with three Dons, how can you substitute someone like-” “I fuckin’ knew that filming this goddamn thing after 15 years would have meant turning everything into a giant pile of shit… Fuck my life” Sara sighed, dejectedly watching Sofia Coppola awkwardly flirting on screen with Andy García “UGH, look at her! She looks constipated, just look at her disgusted expression…! I can’t keep on watching this, who the fuck allowed this casting?!” “... did you seriously just ask me why the director’s daughter was chosen for a part in her father’s movie?”

************************************************************************************************ “The number 1 should be a little more to the left, it’s too close to the 9… Yes, a little bit more… No, too much! Yeah, that’s it, Layla, good” Stone was leaning against the wall in the living room eating popcorn, giving orders to his friends “Elias, would you please stop checking her but-ehm, I mean, holding her ladder? It’s pretty safe, she doesn’t need your help. But those sparkly banners do, they won’t hang up by themselves... And come on Mike, with those balloons! We don’t have the whole day” “Are you kidding me? I’ve been blowing fucking balloons for an hour, I’ll have no breath left by the new year’s countdown!” Mike protested. “Ok, Mikey, don’t get all worked up for nothing. I was just saying that… you could do it a little bit faster maybe, I don’t know” Gossard innocently remarked with a shrug. “FASTER?? WHY DON’T YOU DO WHAT YOU’RE DOING A LITTLE BIT FASTER TOO? OH WAIT, YOU CAN’T, BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT DOING ANYTHING!” Mike blurted out, throwing a deflated balloon towards the other guitarist that missed the target and hit the wall beside him. “Oh oh pleeeease, you had no idea what to do before I arrived... You’d still be unpacking and playing with those party hats if I didn’t come and tell you what to do” Stone chuckled and Mike took a deep breath. “Come on guys, each one of us has a task” Layla tried to calm the two guitarists. “Yeah, Stone’s task is to get on people’s nerves” Elias remarked. “... And Mike’s and Elias’s task was to stick party cones into their noses, right?” Gossard smirked. “Actually, I had them in my ears” Elias pointed out and Layla rolled her eyes and got down from the ladder. “There! What do you think?” the girl looked proudly at the big number-shaped balloons she had just hung on the wall. “Uhm, well…” Mike mumbled something as Elias simply squinted at the decoration. “I think… that I really can’t wait for the Versailles Peace Conference, Jesus!” Stone exclaimed, barely holding back a laugh. “... What?” Layla frowned. “Your eyes are pretty, El, but I think you should put your glasses on” the guitarist kept on teasing her while the other two were shaking with laughters. Layla took the glasses she had left on the kitchen table, put them on and just snorted when she read 1919.

************************************************************************************************ “She’s useless but I love how she’s dressed – the yellow skirt was so pretty too!” Sara gushed over Mary Corleone’s latest outfit, a black tailleur matched with a cute hat of the same shade “... Holy Vittorio De Sica, I’m spending too much time with Maux” “Who’s Maux?” “Just a friend of mine who studies Fashion Design… now please, shut the fuck up because I wanna see if this storyline is heading where I think it’s heading – please, for once in my life I’d really like to be wrong about something” “Hmm-hm, judging from the sultry looks I think they’re almost there” Eddie munched a few popcorn, his grin growing wider when he heard her almost retch. “Oh yes, we Italian people get horny while making pasta together! Look at that chemistry born amongst the flour and-wait a minute, is he sobbing because he’s gettin’ an erection over his cousin??? I’m not watching this, I won’t be an accomplice to this disgust-EW, ABORT!” she covered her eyes but kept on peeping through her fingers, while the guy let out a hearty chuckle. “Didn’t know you guys had such strong bonds with your cousins…” he teased her, laughing even more when she let out a torrent of words that he couldn’t understand but that he knew were the best insults she could muster at that moment. At the end of the projection he had to ask for their translation, he simply had to.

************************************************************************************************ “I’m home!” Jeff yelled as he shut the door with a kick, since he was carrying shopping bags and couldn’t use his hands. “Hi, Jeff!” Layla answered from the living room. She had just arranged the balloon-numbers in the right order and now was laying a red cloth on the large table “Oh, and be careful to the-” She couldn’t even finish the sentence and Ament got caught in the gold foil curtain Mike had just hung over the doorway. “WHAT THE… WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!” the bass player struggled to get free and almost let the groceries fall but instead managed to save them and enter the room. “It was Layla’s idea!” Elias raised his hands as he made eye contact with him. “Well, isn’t it nice? A magical entrance to a magical party!” Layla grinned nervously and made a mental note of getting back at him on the first occasion. “Yeah yeah, you know what would be very magical? SOMEONE HELPING ME WITH THESE FUCKING BAGS!” Jeff struggled to reach the kitchen until the girl finally helped him. “Thank you Jeff, you’re the best! Did you find everything?” she asked as she started to pick up the food from the paper bags. “Yeah… pretty much…” “He surely found the most important stuff!” Stone added from outside the kitchen, as he was bringing up beer and wine cases he and Mike had unloaded from Jeff’s truck. “Oh, you took whipped cream too! Good idea, Jeff! I can use it for something last-minute” Layla remarked as she took the can out of the bag. “Thanks but I didn’t do anything, it was on the list” Ament shrugged nonchalantly. “No, it wasn’t” “Yes, it was” he repeated and was about to help her, but the girl started rummaging faster and faster through the bags until she nervously tore the last one off Jeff’s hands. “No no no… tell me it’s a joke” “What the fuck is wrong with you now?” Jeff earned judgemental looks from his friends and corrected himself “Err-I mean, what are you looking for, darling?” “Whipping cream. Where is it?” “It’s right there in front of you” the bass player repeated as he pointed at the same can the girl mentioned before. “No, it’s not. That is whipped cream – I asked you for whipping cream, that’s what I wrote in the list” Layla almost whined. “Isn’t it just the same?” Mike asked, hoping not to start a war with that. “NO! I wanted to make chocolate ganache” she explained as it was the simplest thing in the world. “And… so?” it was Stone who broke the tumbleweed moment of silence. “You can’t make ganache with whipped cream, how will the chocolate melt? You gotta boil whipping cream and add chocolate and butter” “Uhm you… can’t you just microwave chocolate and then, you know, mix it with the whipped cream?” Elias came up with a solution and Jeff could see one of Layla’s eyes starting to nervously twitch. “No. I can’t do that.” she said and everyone took a sigh of relief because they were already expecting the worst reaction. “Do you think you can come up with a different recipe for the cakes, Layla?” Stone asked cautiously “If you can’t, I’m sure Jeff will be glad to go out and buy the right cream for you – right, Jeffrey?” “Fat chance” mumbled his bandmate. “Oh no, it’s freezing out there, I’ll never let you go out again just for that. I’ll think about something else” the girl was now her usually sweet self and just shrugged. <Disaster averted> Mike thought as he went back to help Stone with putting away alcohol in the kitchen. “Jeff, please, since you’re here, would you please move the furniture as I start cooking?” the girl asked him. <He can’t read shopping lists but at least he’s strong> “Why is this my apartment and you’re the one giving all the orders?” he squinted at her and Layla took him by the arm and led him to the middle of the living room. “Jeff, please! Ehm… do you really think I could ask those three?” she whispered and they both looked towards the kitchen, where Elias was spraying whipped cream in his open mouth directly from the can. “... Alright” he nodded and took off his jacket. “I’ll begin with the appetizers, so we can put them on the table and make space here” the girl added, walking back into the kitchen. <Maybe she won’t notice I ate all the bugles on the way home…> the bassist thought as he put his hands on the backrest of the armchair.

************************************************************************************************ “The Italian Communist Party welcoming the Corleones to Sicily with a banner! This is glorious, I’m so glad I didn’t miss it” Sara exclaimed, her sides already hurting because she was laughing too much. “Oh, so now you’re glad you’re watching this mess?” “Ed, you can’t understand: this is simply hysterical, it’s even better than hearing that pathetic excuse they keep on using as Italian languag-like that! Did you hear it? Oh fuck, it was so bad… I just wanna cry” “You sure look like someone who’s enjoying this” “Fake laughter to hide my real pain” she clutched dramatically at her chest, one hand flying towards her face in a gesture of exaggerated discomfort.

************************************************************************************************ “MIKEY! CAN YOU COME HERE, PLEEEASE!” the guys heard Layla call and the girl startled the guitarist right when he was about to grab something to eat from the table. <What the fuck? Did she put cameras?> McCready thought, as he looked up around the living room. “Hahaha, it’s not like she can see you, you dork” Jeff laughed. “Actually, she doesn’t need to see you, she already knows what you were doing” Stone remarks. “Now you’re screwed, man” Elias shook his head and then he happily put a sandwich in his mouth. “MIIIIIKE!” “Why only me and not you?” the guitarist complained as he watched him stuffing his face freely. “Sorry” Elias shrugged and the other two snickered in silence. “ALRIGHT, WHERE ARE YOU, LAYLA?” Mike timidly yelled as he was about to leave the room. “I’M IN MY ROOM, CAN YOU COME HELP ME WITH SOMETHING?” Mike smiled to himself. <Maybe she’s not calling me to scold me for stealing food, but it can be a tactical move… I’d better not let the guard off> “Hey! Maybe I can come help her too now that I-” Elias started to say but Mike put his finger against his mouth. “Sorry!” he exclaimed, then shrugged cheerfully and started to walk across the hallway, up to Layla’s bedroom, where he knocked on the door. “Come in!” the girl let Mike in, then shut the door right behind his back and whispered to the singer “Did you manage to go to the hardware store? You know, to buy those things I asked you?” “Oh! Yes, I did! I had almost forgot, sorry” McCready confirmed. “And you didn’t say or show anything to the guys, right? You know it was a secret, don’t you?” Layla wiggled her brows and he nodded, although he still wasn’t sure what she would need that weird toolkit for. “Sure, I kept it all hidden and slipped the bag into Jeff’s-I mean, Sara’s room as you asked” he replied. “Well done! Thank you, Mikey. You can go back with the guys now” “You’re not gonna kill me for stealing food, then?” “DID YOU STEAL FOOD? Come on, it’s for the party!” the girl’s smile disappeared from her face all of a sudden. “Of course not! I was just kidding! Gotta go now… see what those jerks are up to, you know” Mike left the room both awkwardly and quickly and Layla sighed, then left too and tiptoed to Sara’s room, sneaking in. She looked at the cute and fancy jumpsuit she had picked from Sara’s closet and remembered when she first saw it: Sara had spotted it at a thrift shop where they had gone together and had fallen in love with it instantly. It was ocean blue, sleeveless and with golden decorations embroidered all over it that represented the zodiac signs. It was simply adorable and, seeing her friend doing puppy eyes at the garment, Layla had immediately decided to buy it for her as a present. But Sara hadn’t worn it once yet. <I wanna see my present finally put into good use…> she thought <This is gonna be the perfect occasion> The only problem was: would Sara agree with Layla’s decision? That was why she had Mike buy her something that could give Sara a little push in the right direction…

************************************************************************************************ On screen Mary Corleone had just fallen under the bullets, while her mother’s desperate cries were already filling the air. Sara was about to give a sarcastic comment on Andy García’s monotone shout, when suddenly the first notes of Cavalleria Rusticana started to play; she immediately forgot her previous idea and focused her entire attention on what was happening on screen: Al Pacino was silently screaming into the void – the perfect embodiment of suffering, just like the famous Munch’s painting – and kept on doing it for forty endless seconds, until he let himself collapse on the stairs. She felt a shiver down her spine. Then, just when she had remembered to breath again, the screen erupted with images of Michael Corleone dancing with his daughter, but with Apollonia and Kay too – and all of that melted as she felt some tears rolling down her cheeks. Now Michael was sitting outside, very much older and still reminiscing much happier times of his life, and the crescendo of the music accompanied his fall on the ground – just like his father had once done. By the end of the scene, Sara was sobbing uncontrollably.

************************************************************************************************ The doorbell rang and Stone went to open the door since Jeff was helping Elias with the stereo (that is, Jeff was doing all the work) and Mike was busy in the kitchen with Layla. The girl smartly decided that the best way to keep an eye on him and prevent him from finishing all the food before the party even started was to make him work. “HO HO HO SANTA’S HERE!” a feisty Cornell appeared outside the door, holding a case of beer and waving it around dangerously as if he was ringing a Christmas bell. “Christmas was last week, Chris” Stone smirked and backed away a little from the door. “Oh, did I say Santa? I meant Satan. SATAN’S HERE!” “Hail, Satan! Give it to me” Jeff showed up and took the beer from Cornell’s hands to prevent a disaster, then went to put it in the fridge. “Don’t tell me I’m the first party guest… that’s so… not cool” Chris stated after he tried to enter the living room and got stuck in the middle of the foil curtain, only to be untangled and saved by Elias, who had come to the rescue. “It’s still early! Hi, Chris” Layla came out of the kitchen, cleaning her hands on the apron she had put over her fancy outfit. “I correct myself. That’s a good thing I came early so I can take my time to introduce myself properly to this beautiful piece of princess!” Chris took the girl’s hand and half of his speech was actually mumbled against Layla’s fingers, before he actually kissed her hand in a long romantic gesture. “Err… ok” Layla half smiled, not knowing what to do as she waited to get her hand back. “You may be the first one at this party but I guess you started a party on your own way before” Stone remarked and Jeff chuckled. “Forgive them, honey. They’re like… like… how do you call ‘em? You know, the Flintstones…” Chris kept ranting, keeping Layla’s hands in hostage. “... Cavemen?” Elias suggested. “Cavemen! Exactly! They don’t know the manners” the singer snapped his fingers at the correct answer then gave Layla a drunk smile. “And you know them so well, you use them every single time, right?” the bassist joked. He couldn’t decide what was more funny: Cornell’s intoxicated state or Layla’s awkwardness. He set up for both and went on to enjoy the show. “What the-” the singer frowned but was then interrupted by Mike, who wanted to spare him the embarrassment. “What Jeff and Stone are trying to say is that you already know Miss Boulais here” “Who?” “Layla” Mike repeated. “The girl who must have a desensitized hand by now” Stone added and pointed at the girl in the center of the room. “Oh sorry, darling!” Chris let go of Layla’s hand and then continued, turning to look at the guys and pointing at the girl, as if she couldn’t hear him “Anyway, what the fuck are you talking about?! I’d remember if I had met... such a… a megababe like this before” “I introduced you and Matt to her and her friend, Sara, don’t you remember?” McCready explained. “Another one? Was it a babefest or something?” Cornell kept on whispering in an actually very loud way. “They’re the neighbours… Sara is the one who slapped Jeff in the face after our first show… Layla is her vet friend” Stone added some info to the scenario. “Why do you always have to mention that episode?” Ament whined, rolling his eyes. “Matt did the other time, I’m innocent” Gossard raised his hands laughing at his bandmate’s face. “Yeeeeah! I do remember now! Sorry sweetie, I blame the shots of tequila I did with Kim before leaving, I’d never forget such a glorious slap” the singer took Layla’s hand again and the guys almost simultaneously facepalmed. “Not her! Her friend did!” Elias pointed out. “Oh! Sorry, well, you know, tequila and everything... what I said before... But where the fuck is Kim? How long do you take to find a fuckin’ parking place in this fuckin’ neighborhood...” Chris kept ranting as he made his way to the window and left the girl dumbfounded in the middle of the room, as the other three guys were doubled over with laughter.

************************************************************************************************

“So…” Ed cleared his throat, hands shoved inside the pockets of the jacket “Want to talk about it?” Sara, still feeling wobbly on her feet, shot him an icy glare and grunted: “Talk about what?” “About what happened back there… I-I’ve never seen anyone before having such a strong reaction to-” “There’s a first time for everything, I suppose” she sniffled, careful to avoid his inquisitive glance. “Yeah, but you surely can agree with me that this whole ordeal is a bit too much; I mean, don’t misunderstand me, I don’t wanna sound patronizing but-” he let out a long sigh “You know you can talk to me, right?” “We’ve met two months ago, I don’t see how you could be the right person for all this hypothetical venting I’m supposed to do” the girl retorted, picking up the pace like she wanted to lose him. “And that’s where you’re wrong, because you and me – we have the same trauma” Sara turned around abruptly: “I don’t have any fuckin’ trauma! Don’t try to psychoanalyze me or project your own bullshit on me just because you’re fucked up and it makes you feel better, I won’t be your accompl-” she roared, but stopped when the guy took her by the wrist. “... I know what it means to lose a loved one” In response, the girl looked at him with wide eyes full of tears, then yanked herself free and started to run. “Hey! HEY! WAIT!” Eddie immediately followed her, cursing his big mouth “What the fuck’s wrong with me? Was it really necessary to push her like that?!” He saw her taking a couple of turns and ending in a small alley, where he almost bumped into her; she was leaning against the wall, with her hands supporting her and the knees a bit bent. Her breath was short and, at first, he thought it was because of that impromptu marathon she had just finished to run, but he quickly realized that something else was going on. “Hey…” he croaked, trying to speak as softly as he could “You okay?” “Just peachy” she managed to mutter, between a ragged breath and another “This is routine, nothing to wrap your pretty little brain around” “Routine?” “Look,” the girl finally looked at him, her face oddly pale “I just have a heart murmur – some congenital shit, okay? That’s fine, I just have to live with this… it’s no big deal, really” Eddie felt a wave of sympathy towards her, and hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder; she was still shaking and, when he touched her, she startled, though she quickly regained a bit of composure. “Sara… that’s not a heart murmur – or, at least, it’s not just that” “And what the fuck is this supposed to mean, huh? Are you majoring in Medicine, Doc? Did you suddenly develop an interest in cardiovascular diseases? What the-” “You’re having a panic attack” Ed interrupted her, mildly squeezing her shoulder “And quite a serious one, I must add” “You mustn’t, chief” she hissed back, shaking his hand off and wobbling towards the main street “I’m heading back home, El is going to have a fit if I’m not in time for the party” “Since when are you having these crisis, Sara?” “I told ya, it’s congenital – I was born with this, it runs in the famil-”“I meant the panic attacks” “... That’s not what they are” she stubbornly quickened her pace, not wanting to hear him blabber around like the clever meddler he was. “I think you should see someone – talk to somebody, maybe they can also prescribe something that could help you… It’s unnatural living like that, you don’t have to do this to yourself” “I’m not going to see a shrink, case closed” the girl cut short “Now lemme go home and do me the favor of keeping your big mouth shut… oh, and also-” “I will arrive at the apartment 10 minutes later than you, so anybody won’t suspect we have spent the afternoon together, I get it” “... you’d better do that” she gave him a last icy glance and turned around, disappearing among the crowd. Eddie sighed: he hadn’t offered to accompany her back because he knew she would have refused but, seeing how much she was still shaking, he was already regretting his decision.

#Eddie Vedder #Jeff Ament #Eddie Vedder fanfiction #Pearl Jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #Jeff Ament fanfiction #Birds of a Feather #chapters

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argylemikewheeler · 5 years

Note

Ok but If/When Will comes out What would everyone’s reactions be? What ab Steve, what ab… just everyone I don’t even know but like,,, Especially w/Steve

|| Okay I love thinking about Steve and Will being friends. I really think that nurturing soul would love Will with his whole heart. And that’s a fact. So here we have Steve (and Jonathan) talking to Will. It’s sweet, it’s serious, BUT it’s mostly a lot of funny dialogue to keep it light. I’ve been writing mostly sad stuff lately so this is a happy funny one xo ||

Steve is at breakfast one morning. Joyce had work late the night before and is driving El to a doctor early that morning, so she isn’t around. Hopper is at work before Will even feels the sun come through his window. When Will comes down the hall and sees Steve at the kitchen table, munching on toast with Jonathan at the stove, he knows what it means. Well, like, he doesn’t really know what it means because what it’s supposed to mean doesn’t apply to his brother. Him and Steve are just friends. But, he knows what it could mean if Steve and Jonathan were both like Will. But they’re not. And he doesn’t want to think about it anyway. Not really.

That’s his brother. And that’s his old babysitter.

“Hey Will!” Steve says, placing his hand over his mouth but still talking with his mouth full.

“Hi.”

“Morning, bud.” Jonathan turns and waves with his spatula. “I’m making eggs if you want some.”

“I’m… not hungry.” Will isn’t sure why he’s uncomfortable. He shouldn’t be. There’s nothing weird about this situation. He just can’t help but feel the stark difference of how it would be if Jonathan woke up to Will and one of his male friends making breakfast. How would it read? Would Will be found out in a second–

It’s all very confusing to Will, but none more confusing than his head when he simply thinks about Mike. God, Michael Wheeler, just the name makes Will feel like he’s being choked. It’s like getting stabbed in the chest while the walls lean in and try to crush him to death. It’s not enjoyable. It’s the most painful love he’s ever felt. But it’s love. Will knows this and it’s horrible. No one would understand. Or at least he doesn’t think so.

“You’re sixteen. You’re hungry.” Steve says without chance for argument. “You were out late last night! What were you up to? Anything good?” Steve asks in a way that Jonathan scolds him for, but Steve pleads innocence.

“We went to the movies.” Will doesn’t remember the movie they saw. He was so distracted by the fact that he failed to end up sitting beside Mike he couldn’t pay attention. He was on the end next to his sister. She held his hand through all the scary parts– was it even scary? Will can’t remember feeling a single thing. He only remembers the sinking embarrassment warming his face as he thought about how hopeful he had been to be close to Mike. How fucking stupid.

“Have a good time?”

“I think so.” Will shrugs, pulling out a chair. “The ice cream was good.”

“Oh! So you got ice cream too! You guys had a full night out!” Will has a suspicion that Steve keeps talking in order to smooth over the awkwardness of being in the Byers’ kitchen in his pajamas. Will hopes his distracted, exhausted nature isn’t contributing to Steve’s running mouth. It’s not his fault. It’s so not Steve that’s the problem.

“I wish you would have told me you were going to get ice cream. I would have given you some money.” Jonathan says, looking at Will over his shoulder.

“I was fine. Mike owed me from the arcade the other day.” Will sits down and pulls his chair in. The metal legs are loud again the floor and cuts up the conversation. It leaves Will to think about Mike– touching his arm and assuring him he’d buy him his favorite cone without even asking what flavor– for just a second too long.

He feels sick. He feels anxious. God, he’s lovesick.

In the pause, Jonathan plates his pan of eggs and places it in front of both Steve and Will. He places a fork in Will’s hand firmly, giving him an in-arguable look. Will folds and prods the food. His brother checks his watch, twice, before muttering something about needing to get dressed sooner rather than later.

Has Will mentioned his brother is a terrible liar? Because this is the time to do so. Will was a master of deception, of keeping his truth feelings about boys and girls (or actually boys rather than girls) to himself, while Jonathan remained as open as a book. It’s a curse, Will thinks, at least in some ways. He has a brother that gets to date who ever he wants, and the only issue is that he can’t seem to cover up when he’s going out. Never who he’s meeting up with. But Will has to explain that no he won’t be taking a girl to prom. He can’t. He won’t. He’s in love with Mike Wheeler.

Jonathan leaves Will alone with Steve, like a strange set up, and goes back to the laundry room. Will pokes the eggs, debating whether or not he wants to cover them in pepper. Just so he can do anything but actually eat them. He thinks he’s going to throw up.

Steve moves and cross his legs under the table. He turns and faces Will more openly. Oh God, Will thinks, what did Jonathan leave Steve to talk to him about? Steve is… well, there’s a possibility that Steve is like Will. Like, a half chance. More than a half chance. There’s a rainbow sticker on the bumper of his car. There’s a least a pretty good chance. But if Jonathan left Steve with him that meant he knew and–

“Jonathan tells me you’ve been really weird lately.” Steve says without preamble.

“Oh. Wow. Thanks.”

“No, okay, not like that.” Steve puts his fork down. “No one is weirder than Jonathan. The man is an enigma. You are not even close, please. Don’t think you’re like him at all. You have friends, Will.” He laughs and Will feels warmed.

He snorts out a quiet laugh and lifts a forkful to his mouth. “Yeah.”

“He just means you seem off. You go to work, you come home, you sleep, you eat– well, sometimes you do. He says you’re quiet.”

“Hm.”

“And he knows you won’t tell him since he’s your brother, but, if you want to talk about anything, I’m your number one fan, kiddo. You know that.”

“I know… I know.” Will mutters, chewing. Steve sits up straighter, like he expects Will to start talking right then and there. Will lowers his eyes to his plate and denies him. “Thanks.”

Steve sighs but nods, patting Will on the shoulder as he stands. His back is turned as he pours himself a cup of coffee and Will is allowed the privacy to bite his lip and weigh his options– should he actually talk to Steve? It’s forced but it’s an opening. Will watches as Steve knows where all the mugs and spoons are. He’s fit into their house perfectly and quickly. He’s comfortable, knowing exactly what each moment and movement is evidently saying about him, about how close he’s choosing to feel to Jonathan. Even if Jonathan doesn’t feel the same way.

Will takes the bait.

“Hey, Steve?” Will tries not to roll his eyes as Steve turns around quickly, light in his eyes.

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Of course you can.” Steve sobers up with a sip from his mug. “Ask away. Just don’t ask what my GPA is, please. I’ve been keeping it a secret from Jonathan for years. He only hangs out with me because he thinks I’m smart.”

“Aren’t you?”

“Not with biology, I’m not.” Steve chuckles, sitting back down. “But, that’s not your question. Please. Go on.”

“Uh, I mean, you kind of answered it.”

“Your question was whether or not I’m stupid?” Steve lifts an eyebrow. Steve might not be stupid, but Will sure feels fucking idiotic. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to ask… if, you know…” Will spins his fork around in a gentle circle. It’s incoherent, but then again so are his feelings for Mike. Nothing makes sense when he thinks about it– about how his heart doesn’t seem to understand what the rest of the world expects from him. “If you’re gay.”

“I am, yes.” Steve says it without a moment of hesitation. He doesn’t even laugh or have an uncomfortable grin to ease the tension. He admits it. He knows it. It sounds like he loves it. Pride had never looked so comfortable. “But you already knew that.”

“I- I- uhh.” Will knows it’s obvious now. Asking a question he already knew the answer to? That’s a dead give away; he just wanted to hear someone else admit it to give him the all clear. “I just wanted to check.”

“Check?” Steve repeats. “Something make you think I wasn’t?” He teases Will, reaching over and gently nudged his elbow on the table. “Was it my recent trip to New York with my male roommate or the sticker I have on my car that made it questionable?”

“You don’t look like it.”

“I don’t look gay.” Steve cocks his head, looking offended. “You say that like it’s a good thing… Does it bother you that I ‘don’t’?” Steve’s asking all the right questions. He is too good at this.

“No… I just wish that… wish that I didn’t…” Will mutters, his words fumbling together.

“That’s fair.” Steve shifts and crosses his legs again. “Does it bother you, people thinking that you are?”

“Steve, I am.” Will says quickly, the ending of his previous sentence rushing out before he can stop it.

Steve blinks. He smiles. “Does that bother you?”

“N-No. At least, I don’t think so. I’d just like to be able to keep it to myself for like, five seconds.” Will sighs, folding his hands in his lap. “I look like–”

“I don’t think it’s anything with your appearance, Will.” Steve cuts in. “I think it’s your fawning look at Mike.”

Will doesn’t even have an argument. He has no counterpoint to how hopelessly in love he must look to everyone. Mike must see it. God, he is a fucking idiot. Will wishes he hadn’t opened his mouth. Just knowing how embarrassing his feelings were was enough. He didn’t need other people to be aware of them too.

“Have you told him?” Steve asks. Will shakes his head. “Have you told anyone?” Again, Will shakes his head.

“No. I can’t tell anyone.”

“Well, whether or not I look it, I can keep a pretty good secret.” Steve reaches over and takes Will’s hand. “And you know what else? I promise I’ll forgive you for saying I don’t look gay if you promise to talk to me about whatever you’re feeling.”

“You don’t have to be my mom, Steve.” Will mutters, his eyes darting around. Anywhere but Steve’s kind and sincere look of concern.

“I’m not. I’m being your friend. Because it’s hard out there. When I was sixteen, I would’ve needed two beers and money to tell you I was gay that quickly. I don’t want that for you. And neither does Jonathan.”

“He doesn’t know, does he?” Will feels the walls start to lean in. He pulls his hand from Steve to prepare to hold them at arm’s length.

“No. No he doesn’t. But, I can tell you that he’s more than okay with me and I want to extend that feeling onto you. Tell him when you’re ready, but know he’s not a menace. He’s weird but he’s not a bigot.” Steve lets Will pull away and doesn’t reach for him again. Instead he turns the fork back toward Will. “Eat up before it gets cold.”

Steve turns back to the table and lifts his coffee cup. He clears his throat and minutes later, Jonathan comes back into the room. His clothes aren’t any different. He’s honestly the worst liar.

But Will isn’t, because he decides, in a burst of strange impulse and excitement, that there isn’t a lie he’s going to tell anymore.

“Hey, Jonathan?” Will says, taking another forkful of eggs. He holds it by his lips, ready to fill his mouth and silence him in a second’s notice. “Egg’s are good.”

“Oh, thanks I tried something a little–”

“And I’m gay.”

Steve spits up his coffee all over the table, coughing and choking. But he’s laughing; he’s completely grinning as he wipes his mouth.

“Wow.” He says to Will, coffee dripping from the tip of his nose. He looks like he’s shocked, like he wants to be just as scared as Will, but there’s something else. His eyes are getting glassy suddenly and his eyebrows are furrowing together ever so slightly. He’s tearing up. Pride took yet another form.

“O-Okay.” Jonathan says, lowering himself into the third seat. He looks absolutely sidelined. Will feels so powerful. He’s visible but he’s in control; heart eyes but stiff upper lip. “Umm, uh… Fuck, Steve what do I say?”

“Well ‘okay’ isn’t it.” Steve says with a laugh, still wiping his face and shirt. “Try ‘I love you’ or, oh, I don’t know, ‘I’m glad you told me’?”

“I– yeah. That. Proud. Love. Happy. All of it.”

“Jonathan, why are you acting so surprised? He didn’t tell you he killed someone. You’ve heard a lot more startling things from Will– from this whole town.”

“I am surprised!”

“Are you kidding!” Steve says, waving his arm out to Will.

“Hey, you said I didn’t look gay.”

“You told my brother he looks gay.”

“NO! No. I– stop. Both of you!” Steve places his hands on each of their shoulders. “As the in-house professional in this topic, may I?”

“You told my brother he looks gay.”

“I didn’t!” Steve sighs heavily, shaking his head. “I’m just saying, Jonathan you left me with Will. You left me with your brother after saying you thought something was wrong. To me, that kind of says something.”

“I didn’t think that! I thought he’d talk about his one annoying teacher or something.” Jonathan shrugs. Will blinks at the two men in front of him. He somehow doesn’t feel like the stupid one anymore.

“You left me, your only gay friend with your brother, who you’ve told me you feel like you can’t quite understand about some things, because you thought he was going to approach me about… academia? Jonathan, I’m an idiot!”

“You are not.”

“I am! I’m gay and I’m stupid but God, you’re worse. You’re straight and clueless!”

“Sounds like Mike.” Will mutters under his breath, continuing to eat.

Steve turns his head quickly to catch Will’s mildly-dejected expression. Will expects a scolding or a pep talk, but Steve just starts laughing again. He points at Will, tapping the table near his plate. “We have a winner: gay and hilarious.”

Will can’t help but smile too. Gay and. Not gay but. It’s a positive. Will hasn’t been changed by admitting anything, just like Steve. He was still able to sit at their table and have coffee. Will is still able to eat with his brother. His life is still in tact. The walls are still far away, giving him space to breathe. It’s freeing, to know that if anything, no matter who loves in him return, Will still loves himself.

“Thanks for telling me, Will.” Jonathan says finally. Correctly. “Have you told Mom? Any of your friends?”

“No. God no.” Will laughs. “You think I want to tell Mike? Ha. No thanks.”

The table stills. “Why don’t you want to tell Mike?” Jonathan took Will’s approach; asking a question he already knew the answer to.

“Nope. Nope. One confession per day. No no no.” Will says, pushing back from the table. “I’m not falling for that.” It was bad enough Will was falling for something, someone, else. He didn’t need to fall face first into never-ending embarrassing torment for having a crush on his childhood best friend.

“Okay.” Steve says, placing a hand on Jonathan’s arm, stopping him. “Okay. You don’t have to talk about Mike. Or any boy. That’s your business. But if you need an ear. We’re here, okay?”

Steve has coffee stains on his shirt and Jonathan still looks like he’d seen a ghost, but they were still the two faces of the only people who were truly seeing Will. They were still able to look him in the eyes— this time not wistfully staring at his best friend– and smile back at him.

Maybe not all coming out situations would end like this for Will- well, hopefully not, he didn’t like bearing his soul in his pajamas that much– but this was at least a safe first time. Maybe with his friends it’d go different. Maybe Mike would turn away with a look of fear and disgust, but at least Will knew what acceptance looked like. That was his first memory of being an honest teenager. Sure, there were many other memories of being loved that Will had to hold close, but this one felt special. It was finally a secret that felt good to keep.

ao3

#i could continue this fun verse to go through each other people and their reactions if you liked this kind of lighthearted approach #lmk i loved writing this #started the minute i got the prompt lol #will is gay #lil byeler background #prompts #i'm so worried about the reception to this one idk y #i just let the situation go without stopping to think about it #it's so self indulgent sorry #sweet gay steve

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finderskeepersff · 5 years

Text

47.

Closing Kyle fridge’ door “make yourself at home nigga” opening the can of Red Bull “where is Sofia, why is her car not there?” drinking from the can, Kyle just looked at me dumbfounded “how the hell am I supposed to know, I don’t watch her?” I needed that, I am tired “well y’all are neighbours so? I mean be a fucking nosey neighbour, anyways. I didn’t really come here to stalk, maybe I did. But last night, that little Blaze issue has disappeared. Samuel will be next” walking into the living room “you have been a busy boy ain’t you?” Kyle said behind me “I have been, I went back to Brooklyn. You should have seen Raphael face, I goes this is a nigga that is clean, you see this? His face dropped, that is because I had a reason, you know. I had god with me, I had Sofia, Cartier, my friends and the people that relay on me, shit does weigh me down but I am good. Mentally anyways” sitting down on the couch “hey Amira” she walked by me “hey Cass, nice seeing you. Kyle I am going to see Isabella, be back” Amira gained weight or is it just me “that is good, I knew you had it in you. Look at you now, Raphael expected you to be a crackhead, if we being truthful now. You ain’t on shit, you looking good. So was it Myles that sorted it?” nodding my head “he erm took Blaze’ body back to his home. Appreciate him doing such a thing during my birthday, I know he was wanting to come but someone had to keep shit relaxed. If we didn’t do anything then they would have tried to fuck up my club so that is done. I told Raphael, I said I am taking Samuel out. He goes no loyalty around here, he doesn’t care. I think in terms of me trying to get at Raphael, leave it. Samuel is a pain in my ass, he tried to disrespect me when I was down, he is trying to use Sofia, I don’t play that shit. Last night was good too, I got a new right hand man in Atlanta, Ethan is in Brooklyn. The new guy is outside actually, but yeah. I went Brooklyn, showed my face to my workers and things are running good. Too good for my liking anyways” I chuckled, there will be something to come.

I feel so good about myself, I actually love it. I love that I have this feeling now, it’s love, well Sofia’ love “I have another favour to ask though” Kyle side eyed me smiling “go on, speak” why is he laughing “I need you to call Sofia” Kyle busted out laughing “I knew it, I knew it would be about Sofia, that is why I was laughing. Why can’t you ring her?” I shrugged “just hear me out, ring her and say to her where is she? And then be like Amira wants to meet up with you and to meet at South City Kitchen” Kyle shook his head “why you lying, just say you want too?” licking my lips smirking “just want to see her, what if she is like no. I mean then she will need too come and see her, you know? I don’t know, just do it” Kyle rolled his eyes at me “she wouldn’t say no, I know that for sure but fine I will do it for you. If Amira finds out I am a straight up liar then I will come for you” I don’t know, I just want to surprise her. I ain’t seen her since my birthday and that was a week ago, I mean I suppose it’s a meet up I don’t know what to say. We speak on the phone though, I love hearing her speak but it’s not better than meeting up.

Placing my bag at the side of me at the seating area “do you need a drink or anything?” the receptionist asked “oh no, I am ok thanks” smiling at her “Gio won’t be long” he better not be, I didn’t exactly make the effort of coming out just for him. I went to see the midwife with Cartier, just to get him weighed. He is a month already, like that has gone by so quick actually. He is going on ten pounds, I guess my milk is working on him. It wasn’t a big thing where I needed a Cassius, it was a quick thing so I just bought Cartier with me. He is being a good baby for me, sometimes I am like am I too lucky with the fact Cartier doesn’t cry his eyes out when I am out. My phone started ringing in my bag, opening my bag and grabbing my phone. That is odd for Kyle to ring me, answering the call “hello?” if he wants anything in the house I am out so I hope not “hey Sofia, where you at? I was going to come to the crib? You out?” I knew it “oh yeah, just to see the midwife and then I am seeing Gio. Start working, well not working but I can start doing what I love, design. He offered me a job so I am here” I do have time when Cartier is asleep so I can do this “oh wow, happy for you. So you out with Cartier?” Kyle asked “yeah I am, why?” he is asking too many questions “just that Amira wanted to meet up with you, I mean not me. Just I called because erm yeah Amira lost her phone” squinting my eyes “erm, I am out now? If she wants to meet up in an hour?” he seems confused “uhhh yeah, South City Kitchen? I will let her know, she has gone to get some” he paused “milk” he finished off “ok, well I will see her there. Unless Cartier plays up but I will let you know ok?” I will go home if he does “well don’t cancel, she might get sad” pulling a face “right ok, I have to go now” let me just disconnect this.

Staring at my phone pulling a face, Kyle was acting so weird. I felt like he was speaking to someone else and then laughing with someone “Sofia!” hearing Gio say, looking up as I placed my phone in my bag “see, I came?” getting up from the seating area “you did, give me some love” hugging Gio “and you bought the baby along, see it’s fine. We have a babysitter right here” Gio pointed at the receptionist, her eyes widened nervously “we do?” she nervously laughed “I am joking with you, come let’s go to my office. We can speak on the details and drink some water in your case” Gio is crazy, placing my bag under the stroller “these are the officers, it’s all open planned. Lots of colour and space, I want all of my workers to have their own thinking space as you can see” it’s very nice office, I am impressed “I told you it’s nice my place, I am a nice boss you see” I rolled my eyes “you asking to be fired already? You just stepped in” I laughed out “I am joking, you was like the first person I have met when I came Atlanta and you have been the best” he has been so kind to me and helped me.

Looking into the stroller, Cartier is asleep “imagine seeing you here” I jumped back looking behind me, my mouth fell open “oh, you from the club” I said staring at him “yes me, I guess you lost my number” god help me, he works here “I am actually Gio’ business partner we run this together” oh this is great “you both know each other? Close the door Jordan” Gio said, this is awkward “we met at a party, she took my breath away. Still does, I mean look at you” he looked me up and down “oh, that is interesting well Sofia, this is Jordan” now he knows my name “is that yours?” he pointed at the stroller “this is my son, yes” he blinked several times “and you look like this still? He look newborn? Your body is everything” he is being very upfront “how is Cassius?” Gio asked, I felt like Gio asked that on purpose “erm he is good, he turned thirty” Jordan stared at me “Cassius? Wait, the guy party? You with him or?” this is terrible “he is my baby daddy, anyways let’s talk business” he is so damn nosey, he wont’ stop staring too.

I can’t even concentrate on this paperwork at all, Jordan just keeps staring at me “so yeah, I mean I know I can finish off a design per a room, in like a day if basic but in depth like three or four days. But I know the clients you have are fussy so we would look at three or four days” looking up from the paperwork, Gio is staring at Jordan “stop” Gio said, Jordan looked away “I have never seen someone just so beautiful, like I think you should give me a chance. I am a good guy, Gio can vouch for me. I think I am in love” I had to laugh “love? You’re not in love babes, it’s infatuation. I have dated plenty of men that have been in love and they have all turned out crazy. They have all made me feel like shit because they thought they wasn’t good enough, it’s not love at all” he put his head down “you’re good to look at I would say that but I will pass on the rest, it’s just about my son” I don’t want to know “sorry” he mumbled “and I wouldn’t do you that way, I am a man. Those were just boys you dated” rolling my eyes, who is he correcting, I said what I said.

Jordan is following me like some dog, he doesn’t need to be here or around me. He is a business partner good on him “so yeah, I am happy you have come to see us. And that you have met my business partner that looks so in love, don’t worry we will put him in a cage” Gio laughed nervously “you need too” I agreed “I think you just need to see that I am not as you think I am, nice name” smiling at him “anyways I better go” I said pushing the stroller “she is the most beautiful girl I have seen, I don’t care if she has a child. She is so nice” I heard Jordan say, I continued to walk away and the sound of his voice disappeared. I am not pursuing another man, I can’t deal with that shit, these are the guys that fuck me over. They always say they love me, they always say that and then treat me like shit. Make me feel bad about myself, he thinks he’s clever but I won’t do it. It will always be about Cartier, that is all it is about now.

I should maybe call Kyle and ask if Amira is here, imagine I just come and Amira is not here. I will be livid because I have to get Cartier out of this car seat and everything “if she is not here Cartier, I will kill her” placing Cartier in his stoller, he is all awake now. I think he may want a feed, let me get in this food place and then I can feed him. Fastening him in “you love being out don’t you? You love the outdoors” stroking his cheek, his eyes are everywhere bless his heart. Locking my car door and making my way in, if she is not here then I can still just eat I guess. Walking into South City Kitchen “table for you and the baby?” the waiter said “erm, I guess yes. Unless someone under Amira has come?” he looked at the list “actually yes, you must be the girl” nodding my head “follow me” he gestured, pushing the stroller behind him as we walked by the tables. Squinting my eyes seeing the back of that head, that is not Amira at all “for you” he pointed, I abruptly stopped. Cassius looked behind him and at me “oh you came” he laughed, shaking my head laughing “seriously?” I said, a little taken back by him being here.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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lunamoonprism90-blog · 5 years

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First blog

Hey there. As the title says, this is my first blog!

I’ve got to be honest, I am pretty scared doing this but I am hoping that I can overcome that and use this platform to express feelings and topics I want to write about :).

I don’t mind if anyone ever reads this, to be honest this is just for me. So, lets start!

A little bit of the basic stuff about me -

I’m 29 and live in London, UK. I’m married and have a doggo, I have a decent job. Seem’s like a pretty average, nice life.

Here’s the thing (and the reason I wanted to start this blog), I have depression and have problems with anxiety. Usually, like 80% of the time I’m pretty much okay, or at least I sort of just muddle through the every day.

A bit of a background on my “journey with depression and anxiety” - As a young child, I was painfully shy around others. I was always nervous to make friends by myself, I’d usually wait for people to speak to me first. Of course, growing up I had plenty of friends though! I was always scared to go anywhere by myself, I clung to my parents quite a bit. Even at a young age, of about 3 or 4 I would make up excuses to try get out of situations that frightened me.

As I got older, I did gain some confidence but I was still pretty quiet. Especially when it came to something I felt ZERO confidence in, such as maths classes (I suck at maths haha). I could never quite understand what it was I was missing, or why I didn’t understand what was being explained in class. Moving on, PUBERTY! Puberty hit me early on, in primary school in fact. I started to develop way earlier than my friends. I did for the most part ignore it, thinking my friends will catch up and we’ll be the same eventually. Secondary school started and I think this is when the issue with my body started to come in to play. My friends all grew and stayed slim. I stayed the same height from early on in my teens. My boobs were bigger than my friends and I hated that I had a much bigger chest than everyone else. I looked at myself as short and podgy and so began the comparison of myself to others. I had braces for a large chunk of my teens too - this is also made me very wary of my appearance.

Looking back, I was very slim as a teen and I weighed only about 7 and a half stone, but I thought I was fat/chubby. There was a point when I was hanging around with some girls who were pretty cruel to not only myself but to my other friends too. They made me feel ugly. I get why they did it - they were deeply insecure themselves. Teenagers are, I’ve not met a teen in my whole life who isn’t insecure about something! Its normal, I guess?

The older I got, I started to doubt myself and due to that I let myself fail in a number of areas, one being school. I let boys affect my mood and I allowed myself to base my whole being off of them and how they made me feel, whether it be happy or sad (mainly the latter). I as cruelly compared to other young girls and told I was second best etc. What a thing to tell anyone, but looking back again it was coming from another teenager who definitely did not know the severity of their words. Words that I would carry on with me even to this day.

I met my future husband at quite a young age (still a teen though) - 17 years old. He helped marginally with my confidence, but at the same time could knock it all away with a click of his fingers. I wanted to be perfect for him, I wanted to be number 1. Because of all the self doubt I had about myself, I struggled to see that I was number 1 to him. Not to say that me and my husband haven’t had bad times and that he is perfect. Far from it, but I’ll explain more on that shortly.

In to my 20′s now and I started to slowly put on weight, I had fallen out with a lot of my school friends. I was becoming isolated and pretty miserable. At 20 I went to uni. The next 4 years at uni were hard, extremely hard. I felt guilty for going to to uni - my husband had his own insecurities about me going to uni (bear in mind I didn’t move away for uni and in fact lived only 20 minutes away). I struggled to feel worthy at uni. I compared myself to others, everyone was so much smarter than I was. They always knew what to say and they had good grades etc... so I started to despise others in my classes and my anxiety started to sky rocket. I was also working part time whilst studying too, which added on extra pressure. I would come home from either uni or work and lock myself in the bathroom (despite usually being home alone) and I would cry. Sob in fact. I would start to contemplate suicide then - always the thought of hanging myself. The self harming would start then too, but I thought I was always pretty smart about it. I wanted to continue to seem to everyone else that I was okay, so I would hit myself... bruise the top of my legs, pinch myself and dig my nails in. I never wanted anything permanent as I never wanted to anyone to find out my secret. My husband found out though. (we still wasn’t married at this time, e was living together though). He didn’t fully understand, I’m not sure if he still does. He has listened to me crying over the years and tried to help, but at the same time he has also made it worse. Our arguments have been pretty bad over the years and usually would be to do with our equally low self-esteem.

I have never felt good enough for him. When we first got together, I was already pretty insecure as I said before and there was another young girl who my future husband at the time as still interested in/had feelings for. This girl, although I’m not sure if she ever knew was the basis for A LOT of our horrible arguments in our late teens and early 20′s. Because of this we have both become horribly insecure about each of us having friends of the opposite sex, or even friends who could be “influential” to us. Anyway, I have never felt good enough for him... he has left me quite a few times, especially in the recent years (once this year) and yes I do understand it’s been because of his insecurities too but I really am not sure if he knows the impact this has had on me.

2019 has been one hell of a rough year. My grandmother has dementia and lives in a care home, my brother is currently under going treatment for cancer. I feel pretty miserable in my job and I was in a car crash in the summer too. I don’t have any close friends anymore, so I find it hard to talk to anyone. In the last recent weeks I have felt at my lowest and I have attempted/contemplated suicide twice. I have been neglecting my anti-depressants and I have had panic attacks.

My depression not only affects me mentally, but physically too. I over-eat, meaning that slow weight gain has most certainly caught up over the years. I struggle to be motivated/go out to places. I am always so tired, I could actually sleep for days on end if I as allowed. I have multiple knots and tension in my shoulder and I have actually been signed off work for stress this week. But I am using this week to change how I am feeling. To take the time for me and to heal these wounds. Of course it is going to take longer than this week, but I am hoping to kick-start it this week and really take the time to focus on ME.

I am going to be writing more posts of what I have tried and going to be trying for the rest of this week and any tips I have found helpful in the past.

And maybe some more just about me :).

Thanks!!

LunaMoonPrism

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waitineedaname · 7 years

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Balance

SkamFicWeek:

Day 6: wedding guests AU

Pairing: Jonas/Mikael

AO3

“Isak, for the love of god, please get off of me.”

“Jonas-” Isak dragged the ‘o’ out far longer than he would normally, his breath smelling of expensive champagne. “Jonas, you’re my best friend. Have I told you that? You mean so much to me.”

“I kind of guessed as much when you made me your best man.”

“You’re the bestestest man. I love you.” Isak hugged him sloppily and Jonas grunted. “As a bro. A bro love.”

“I bro love you too, man. Now go find to your husband, okay?”

“My husband! Oh my god, I have a husband.”

“Yes you do, and he’s probably looking for you, so why don’t you go find him.” That was finally enough to get Isak to pull himself off of Jonas and stumble into the crowd. Jonas sighed in relief and heard a soft huff of laughter to his side. He looked over and found Mikael smiling crookedly, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

“He’s been enjoying his reception, huh?” Mikael asked, taking the seat next to Jonas.

“Yeah,” Jonas snorted. “A bit too much.”

“Hey, I can’t blame him. The bartender is talented.” Mikael waved his cocktail a bit as if to demonstrate the bartender’s talents. Jonas’s eyes narrowed.

“Is… Is that a Shirley Temple?”

“Don’t you dare give me that look, this thing is delicious.”

“Yeah, but it’s a Shirley Temple.”

“Shirley Temple was a talented child actress and a magnificent diplomat, and the drink named after her is as awesome as she was.” Mikael looked like he was trying to seem serious as he took a sip of his drink, but the yellow umbrella sticking out of the glass and the smile he was struggling to hide ruined the effect somewhat.

Jonas snorted softly. He liked Mikael. They didn’t know each other very well - only really seeing each other when both of their groups of friends got together - but he knew enough about him; he knew he was clever and something of a smartass from the snarky comments he’d heard him throw at friends, and that he was also kindhearted and fiercely loyal. He knew he and Even had been friends since they were little kids - longer than he and Isak had known each other, in fact - and he filmed and edited the films Even directed. He knew he was important enough to Even to be made best man, which made him important to Jonas by extension. Despite all that, however, this was the first conversation they’d held together just between the two of them.

“They’re really happy together, aren’t they.” Mikael said, nodding to where the newlyweds were holding each other like they were the only people in the crowded room. It wasn’t really a question, but Jonas nodded anyway.

“Yeah, they are. I’m glad they have each other.”

“You know, it’s weird,” Mikael leaned back in his seat, shaking his hair out of his face. Jonas was oddly mesmerized by the sight, then confused as to why that was, “I’ve known Even since we were really little. It’s weird seeing him like this and knowing he’s the same kid that was like this tall-” He held his hand a short distance above the floor. “-and tried to carry me home because I scraped my knee. Or the thirteen year old covered in acne that hit his growth spurt before everyone else. Or-” A sad look flickered in his eyes. “-the teenager I almost lost. And yet-” His smile returned in its softest form. “-here he is, dancing with his husband. To Gabrielle, what the fuck, who let him choose the playlist.” He added with a grimace upon realizing what was playing through the speakers.

Jonas watched him for a minute; the solemnity of what Mikael had just said was weighing on him, and he wasn’t sure why, but he felt like he needed to do something about it. “When I look at Isak, I see a six year old with hair down to his butt crying because the teacher moved our chairs away from each other. I see him when he was twelve and-” He couldn’t help but laugh a little as he said it. “-he had to wear these really horrible braces. And I see him-” He sobered up; Mikael had just bared his heart to him, even if it was just one sentence. He needed to return the favor. “-I see him having a panic attack because his dad just left and his mom is having a breakdown, and he didn’t feel ready to grow up so young.”

Mikael stared at him, his brown eyes wide and mystified. Jonas had to force himself not to squirm under his gaze. Slowly, a lopsided smile began to form on his face. “Come on,” He said, hopping to his feet, “Let’s go to the bar and I’ll buy you a Shirley Temple.”

----

Jonas isn’t quite sure how it happened, but somehow he and Mikael had managed to migrate from the bar to the grassy field behind the hotel. They were both on their backs, suit jackets under their heads as pillows, and smoking. The weed soothed every tense muscle in Jonas’s body and he relaxed into the soft grass, comfortable next to Mikael’s warm presence.

“You’re working in politics, right?” He could feel Mikael’s eyes on him, but he kept his own closed.

“Mhm.”

“What’s that like?”

“Exhausting.” Jonas sighed, opening his eyes to look up at the stars. “You’d think people would go into politics because they want to work for the people, but no. They’re just in it to be greedy.”

“You sound like a real humanitarian.” Jonas looked over at him, surprised, and found him gazing back intently, the slightest smile on his face. “You’re what we need in politics, honestly. That drive for helping people, not money.”

“Yeah, well…” Jonas trailed off and shrugged. Maybe it was the booze still thrumming in his system, or the weed in his lungs, or the strange way Mikael was looking at him, but he couldn’t find the words he would have normally. Mikael broke the eye contact after a long moment, his smile suddenly a little shy, and he put out his joint in the wine glass they’d brought out.

“That just seems wrong.” Jonas commented, attempting to dispel the strange air around them. Mikael laughed a little.

“No, that’s like… an aesthetic. Like, symbolizing the contrast between rebellious teenagerhood and dignified adulthood. If the lighting was better, I’d probably take a picture of it. Post it with some esoteric quote. Get six million likes. Have it featured on Buzzfeed’s photos of the week - because it’s not quite sophisticated enough to be featured by Time or anything.” Mikael’s brow was furrowed in concentration as he spoke, and Jonas was pretty sure that was the most he’d ever heard him say without interruption.

Jonas stared at him for a long minute, then burst into laughter. Just like that, the weird spell Mikael had set over them both was broken and he was laughing too, looking far too pleased with himself. “God, you’re worse than Even.” Jonas finally managed to say.

“I don’t know if that’s the best insult or the worst compliment.” Mikael giggled. “Wait- Well, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” Jonas said, even though he wasn’t sure he did, “I know what you mean.”

Mikael’s laugh slowed and eventually tapered off into a soft smile. Everything about him was soft, Jonas was beginning to realize. His smiles, his voice, his laugh, his eyes, his hair. It was making him feel soft too.

“Do you like filmmaking?” He asked. Something in him said there was another question he wanted to ask instead, but he couldn’t think of what it was.

“Yeah.” It was Mikael’s turn to face the stars. “I have so many ideas, you know? Like-” He paused and let a breath out into the air, trying to form his thoughts. “Like there are entire galaxies of stories hiding just out of sight, and I have to do my best to form them. Find the perfect shot for the glimpses into the galaxies I get in my mind’s eye, or edit it so smoothly that it actually feels like how it feels when I’m seeing the story as I fall asleep.” He spoke quietly, his voice hushed by wonder. His eyes were turned towards the sky, as if they were trying to find the stories amongst the constellations. Jonas thought if he looked hard enough, he might be able to see them hidden in Mikael’s eyes.

“It’s hard.” Mikael added after a few minutes of silence. “It’s really hard. It can be so frustrating, because sometimes the image I have is so vivid, but I just can’t get it right. But-” There was a peaceful smile at the quirk of his lips. “Every now and then, maybe one in a thousand shots, I’ll manage to get it perfectly, and it’s… it’s the best feeling. There’s nothing quite like it. It’s like… everything had been off kilter, and then with this one shot, I put it back in balance.”

Jonas was staring at him, but he didn’t think Mikael noticed; there was a dreamy look in his eyes, the moon reflecting onto his pupils.

Jonas could blame it on any number of things. The alcohol, the drugs, the night air. But then he’d be lying to himself. It was Mikael - all Mikael. Mikael’s soft smiles and low voice. It was his soft brown hair splayed out behind him like a halo, and the way he stared at the stars like every single one of them held a story. It was the way he spoke in holy reverence of his work - the way he seemed to genuinely love what he did.

Jonas sat up, leaned over him, and kiss Mikael flat on the lips.

Mikael didn’t respond for half a second, but that’s all it was: half a second. And then he was kissing back - slowly, languidly - and humming against Jonas’s lips. His long, slender fingers - artist’s fingers, Jonas thought - slid into his curls and held him there.

Lying there, on the grass outside his best friend’s wedding, kissing the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen, Jonas could feel the world turn on its axis.

Under the stars, Jonas felt everything fall back into balance.

#skamficweek #skam fic week #skam #jonas noah vasquez #mikael øverlie boukhal #isak valtersen #jonas/mikael #or is it #jokael #idk #okay to reblog #my writing

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actuallynotsatisfied · 6 years

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Hello world! (Day 1)

I’m new here. Recently I feel like I’m not really in control of my life anymore and everything I do seems to go wrong. So I figured starting a blog could actually help me a lot, you know, like in the movies, haha.

I’ll start by introducing myself: I’m 18 years old and currently live in Germany. I’m 170cm tall and weigh about 64kg. I have brown hair, green eyes and kind of a big nose. At least that’s what my Mom once told me as I was casually chatting with her. :D Oh, and I’m gay! That’ll be important if you’ll follow my blog in the future. I’ll keep my name and stuff anonymous as of now, since I feel like it’s better for me. But who knows, maybe one day that’ll change?

This is the first time I use Tumblr in a proper way. I’ve had many accounts on here before, though. They were primarily to watch funny things or porn so an actual “unproper” way, haha. But I think that I finally found a good use for this site now.

I’ve had depression before and was in therapy. I never cut myself or tried to commit suicide, but I was thinking about it. Anyway, therapy was kinda successful and I felt a lot better. However it seems that that was only temporary, as I feel like shit at the moment. I thought about calling my old therapist again to make an appointment, and I know I should to that, but it just feels wrong because she used to tell me I was making great steps towards recovery. So calling her again would kind of fell like a disappointment (Not that I’m not used to disappointing people by now).

Since I wrote so much already and I don’t want to bore anyone with my rather boring life, I’ll try to talk about my problems in short now. :)

It all started on the 21st of October. I was working at an amusement park and there was this Halloween event where the park was open until 10pm. And during my work shift I “met” someone. Twice actually. First time was in the middle of the day. I was standing there at the grill, making burgers and I looked into the line at the checkout-thingy (you know, where you pay for the stuff you just ordered) and there was this cute guy, staring at me. And he just wouldn’t look away. Once he left I told my friend about it who was working with me in that burger store. She said, that I probably just imagined that. And I figured that she must’ve been right. However, later in there evening, just before the park was supposed to close, that guy (and his family) came back to the store I was working in and ordered a meal. I again saw him staring at me and this time, after they got their food, they sat down at a table next to our store. At first I didn’t recognize him, but his staring along with me remembering his sister lead to me to the idea, that that could’ve been the exact same guy from a couple hours ago. I was talking to my friend and she said that this was my chance. I didn’t know what to do. And so I did the most cliché thing I could think of: Writing my phone number on a piece of paper and handing it to him alongside a cup of coke. Well except I didn’t do it but gave the paper and the coke to my friend instead so she could walk up to him as I was just to scared and terrified. Looking back that was a mistake but it didn’t really matter because he sent me a message on the next day. I was so happy but still scared and excited. This was the first time I’ve ever done something like that. I didn’t even know anything about his sexuality.

(You have to know, I never really had a relationship. I never kissed someone, I’ve never had sex. There was this one time I had a long-distance “relationship” with a guy from England but that didn’t really work out and I don’t really want to call that a relationship. I never really searched for love in “real life” as I was just not confident enough about myself. That kind of changed during my therapy. I’m still not as confident about me and my body as I’d like to be, but I’m definitely ready for a “normal” relationship.)

Anyways, we were chatting for a bit, we added eachother on snapchat and then I asked him out on a date. That date went okay, considering it was my first one (and his first one too if I’m not mistaken). We didn’t talk as much as we should have. He was shy and insecure so he wasn’t really able to hold up the conversation. But I tried everything for the date not to be a disaster and I did an okay job considering I’m actually just as shy. On the date, we took a walk in the park and then went to get pizza. At the end I asked him if he liked it and if he’d like to meet me again sometime and he said yes. His bus arrived, he looked me in the eyes and asked “Do you hug after these kind of things?” and before I could even answer, he hugged me. At this moment, I really felt appreciated again for a long time. One week passed and I asked him if he would like to go to the movies with me and he agreed. But before that date, we actually met each other in the hospital. He’s working there and I was visiting my mother who’ve had foot problems. Anyway, I was standing in front of the cafeteria, talking to an old friend when suddenly he interrupted me from the side and asked if I wanted to join him on his break. Of course I said yes. And that “second date” went a bit better than the first one. We still didn’t talk as much as I would’ve liked to but I realized that I really like his humor. It’s actually quite similar to mine (even though it seems like he has not noticed this yet. unfortunately.). Anyway, our official second date was drawing near but the evening before he texted me that he’d like to postpone it as he wanted to get a haircut first and he just feels like there was not enough time between work, going to the barber and meeting me at the cinema. I was a bit angry and sad. I asked him to tell me when he has time to meet me, because he just wanted to “postpone” it, but he never did. One week later I texted him, asking if everything was alright between us and if he was still interested in me. He replied that this was his first time writing with a boy “like this” and that it’s all new to him. I was relieved and wrote him an endless long text, saying how I was feeling neglected. I also opened up to him about not having any relationship experience because I figured that that might lead to him opening up as well. His reply was actually disappointing. He didn’t talk about everything I was writing about and simply responded, that he’d like to take very slow steps as he’d be “sad too, if this didn’t work out”. This was the point I realized: I don’t get him. I wasn’t going to fast, he confirmed that. He didn’t even knew himself what he meant by “very slow steps” and in the coming days I learned, that “slow steps” would actually mean “no steps”. I recommended not asking him out anymore and that he should ask me the next time because that way I would knew he’s ready. That turned out to be a big mistake. He never asked me out until now. I decided to talk to him again about everything. This is the beginning of the conversation:

Me: “Hey. I wanted to know what’s happening between us” Him: “I don’t know“ Me: “That’s not good. I think you should actually figure out by now what exactly you want” Him: “I know but this just feels so ‘wrong’ but also not if you know what I mean”

This was a shock to me. I’ll be honest, I WANTED to hear something else. Something like “I want to meet you again” or so. However he just told me that he can’t explain what he’s meaning as he doesn’t know himself. I told him that of course I was picturing a relationship at the end of everything because at the end, that’s what “dating” is for (even though we didn’t and don’t really do that anymore). This was the first time I cried over him. This made me realize: I care. About him. I can’t say I love him, but I definitely have a crush on him. And that sucks.

So now I’m here. Today. We don’t really write over WhatsApp anymore because according to him, he never really uses it. So we basically only talk about snapchat. And that’s weird because using Snapchat, you can’t really have a serious, interesting talk. Also: He always replies super late. On WhatsApp as well as on Snapchat. I get that he does that on WhatsApp if he barely uses it but I don’t get why he doesn’t answer on Snapchat. I know he’s using it. I see it on the Snapchat map. It feels like he’s avoiding me and that hurts. The thing is: I don’t get him. While sometimes I have this feeling he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore because he never replies, other times he “talks” to me more, making me feel like he cares at least a bit.

And yesterday something weird happened on Snapchat. I always send him Selfies or something like that but everything I used to get from him were pics of walls or floors with a bit of text. But yesterday? He was sending selfies too. It felt like he was opening up to me, like he feels a bit more comfortable. But I don’t know because well, I don’t get him. Right now for example. I know I shouldn’t be stalking - Wow. I actually just wanted to write that he has not responded to my snap in hours and in this very moment I got a snap. - I just replied. Let’s see how long it takes for him to reply.

Anyway, last time we talked using WhatsApp, I asked him a couple questions and gave him time until the end of this week to think about them and then answer me - he just replied - tomorrow is friday and I’ll use WhatsApp to ask him if he already thought about them or needs more time. Because honestly? I need answers sooner or later.

I’m meeting up with my friends tomorrow evening to make and eat burgers. It’s the first time actually that I’m doing anything with them since they became my friends after I switched to this school (college) 1.5 years ago.

Wow. This text got out of control. Didn’t mean for it to get THAT long. Well at least you’re informed now. I’m going to prepare some stuff for school now and then go to sleep. I’ll probably write another entry tomorrow. But I’m not promising anything :P Have a nice day. :)

#world #sad #life #control #day #love #gay #story #boy #relationship #depression #Snapchat #WhatApp #hello #introduction #me #evening #sleep #new #tumblr #romantic #phone #talk #therapy #blog

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