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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 3 years

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“Elliot Page doesn’t remember exactly how long he had been asking.

But he does remember the acute feeling of triumph when, around age 9, he was finally allowed to cut his hair short. “I felt like a boy,” Page says. “I wanted to be a boy. I would ask my mom if I could be someday.” Growing up in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Page visualized himself as a boy in imaginary games, freed from the discomfort of how other people saw him: as a girl. After the haircut, strangers finally started perceiving him the way he saw himself, and it felt both right and exciting.

The joy was short-lived. Months later, Page got his first break, landing a part as a daughter in a Canadian mining family in the TV movie Pit Pony. He wore a wig for the film, and when Pit Pony became a TV show, he grew his hair out again. “I became a professional actor at the age of 10,” Page says. And pursuing that passion came with a difficult compromise. “Of course I had to look a certain way.”

We are speaking in late February. It is the first interview Page, 34, has given since disclosing in December that he is transgender, in a heartfelt letter posted to Instagram, and he is crying before I have even uttered a question. “Sorry, I’m going to be emotional, but that’s cool, right?” he says, smiling through his tears.

It’s hard for him to talk about the days that led up to that disclosure. When I ask how he was feeling, he looks away, his neck exposed by a new short haircut. After a pause, he presses his hand to his heart and closes his eyes. “This feeling of true excitement and deep gratitude to have made it to this point in my life,” he says, “mixed with a lot of fear and anxiety.”

It’s not hard to understand why a trans person would be dealing with conflicting feelings in this moment. Increased social acceptance has led to more young people describing themselves as trans—1.8% of Gen Z compared with 0.2% of boomers, according to a recent Gallup poll—yet this has fueled conservatives who are stoking fears about a “transgender craze.” President Joe Biden has restored the right of transgender military members to serve openly, and in Hollywood, trans people have never had more meaningful time onscreen. Meanwhile, J.K. Rowling is leveraging her cultural capital to oppose transgender equality in the name of feminism, and lawmakers are arguing in the halls of Congress over the validity of gender identities. “Sex has become a political football in the culture wars,” says Chase Strangio, deputy director for transgender justice at the ACLU.

(Full article with photos continued under the “read more”)

And so Page—who charmed America as a precocious pregnant teenager in Juno, constructed dreamscapes in Inception and now stars in Netflix’s hit superhero show The Umbrella Academy, the third season of which he’s filming in Toronto—expected that his news would be met with both applause and vitriol. “What I was anticipating was a lot of support and love and a massive amount of hatred and transphobia,” says Page. “That’s essentially what happened.” What he did not anticipate was just how big this story would be. Page’s announcement, which made him one of the most famous out trans people in the world, started trending on Twitter in more than 20 countries. He gained more than 400,000 new followers on Instagram on that day alone. Thousands of articles were published. Likes and shares reached the millions. Right-wing podcasters readied their rhetoric about “women in men’s locker rooms.” Casting directors reached out to Page’s manager saying it would be an honor to cast Page in their next big movie.

So, it was a lot. Over the course of two conversations, Page will say that understanding himself in all the specifics remains a work in progress. Fathoming one’s gender, an identity innate and performed, personal and social, fixed and evolving, is complicated enough without being under a spotlight that never seems to turn off. But having arrived at a critical juncture, Page feels a deep sense of responsibility to share his truth. “Extremely influential people are spreading these myths and damaging rhetoric—every day you’re seeing our existence debated,” Page says. “Transgender people are so very real.”

That role in Pit Pony led to other productions and eventually, when Page was 16, to a film called Mouth to Mouth. Playing a young anarchist, Page had a chance to cut his hair again. This time, he shaved it off completely. The kids at his high school teased him, but in photos he has posted from that time on social media he looks at ease. Page’s head was still shaved when he mailed in an audition tape for the 2005 thriller Hard Candy. The people in charge of casting asked him to audition again in a wig. Soon, the hair was back.

Page’s tour de force performance in Hard Candy led, two years later, to Juno, a low-budget indie film that brought Page Oscar, BAFTA and Golden Globe nominations and sudden megafame. The actor, then 21, struggled with the stresses of that ascension. The endless primping, red carpets and magazine spreads were all agonizing reminders of the disconnect between how the world saw Page and who he knew himself to be. “I just never recognized myself,” Page says. “For a long time I could not even look at a photo of myself.” It was difficult to watch the movies too, especially ones in which he played more feminine roles.

Page loved making movies, but he also felt alienated by Hollywood and its standards. Alia Shawkat, a close friend and co-star in 2009’s Whip It,describes all the attention from Juno as scarring. “He had a really hard time with the press and expectations,” Shawkat says. “‘Put this on! And look this way! And this is sexy!’”

By the time he appeared in blockbusters like X-Men: The Last Stand and Inception, Page was suffering from depression, anxiety and panic attacks. He didn’t know, he says, “how to explain to people that even though [I was] an actor, just putting on a T-shirt cut for a woman would make me so unwell.” Shawkat recalls Page’s struggles with clothes. “I’d be like, ‘Hey, look at all these nice outfits you’re getting,’ and he would say, ‘It’s not me. It feels like a costume,’” she says. Page tried to convince himself that he was fine, that someone who was fortunate enough to have made it shouldn’t have complaints. But he felt exhausted by the work required to “just exist,” and thought more than once about quitting acting.

In 2014, Page came out as gay, despite feeling for years that “being out was impossible” given his career. (Gender identity and sexual orientation are, of course, distinct, but one queer identity can coexist with another.) In an emotional speech at a Human Rights Campaign conference, Page talked about being part of an industry “that places crushing standards” on actors and viewers alike. “There are pervasive stereotypes about masculinity and femininity that define how we’re all supposed to act, dress and speak,” Page went on. “And they serve no one.”

The actor started wearing suits on the red carpet. He found love, marrying choreographer Emma Portner in 2018. He asserted more agency in his career, producing his own films with LGBTQ leads like Freeheld and My Days of Mercy. And he made a masculine wardrobe a condition of taking roles. Yet the daily discord was becoming unbearable. “The difference in how I felt before coming out as gay to after was massive,” says Page. “But did the discomfort in my body ever go away? No, no, no, no.”

In part, it was the isolation forced by the pandemic that brought to a head Page’s wrestling with gender. (Page and Portner separated last summer, and the two divorced in early 2021. “We’ve remained close friends,” Page says.) “I had a lot of time on my own to really focus on things that I think, in so many ways, unconsciously, I was avoiding,” he says. He was inspired by trailblazing trans icons like Janet Mock and Laverne Cox, who found success in Hollywood while living authentically. Trans writers helped him understand his feelings; Page saw himself reflected in P. Carl’s memoir Becoming a Man. Eventually “shame and discomfort” gave way to revelation. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” Page says, “and letting myself fully become who I am.”

This led to a series of decisions. One was asking the world to call him by a different name, Elliot, which he says he’s always liked. Page has a tattoo that says E.P. PHONE HOME, a reference to a movie about a young boy with that name. “I loved E.T. when I was a kid and always wanted to look like the boys in the movies, right?” he says. The other decision was to use different pronouns—for the record, both he/him and they/them are fine. (When I ask if he has a preference on pronouns for the purposes of this story, Page says, “He/him is great.”)

A day before we first speak, Page will talk to his mom about this interview and she will tell him, “I’m just so proud of my son.” He grows emotional relating this and tries to explain that his mom, the daughter of a minister, who was born in the 1950s, was always trying to do what she thought was best for her child, even if that meant encouraging young Page to act like a girl. “She wants me to be who I am and supports me fully,” Page says. “It is a testament to how people really change.”

Another decision was to get top surgery. Page volunteers this information early in our conversation; at the time he posted his disclosure on Instagram, he was recovering in Toronto. Like many trans people, Page emphasizes being trans isn’t all about surgery. For some people, it’s unnecessary. For others, it’s unaffordable. For the wider world, the media’s focus on it has sensationalized transgender bodies, inviting invasive and inappropriate questions. But Page describes surgery as something that, for him, has made it possible to finally recognize himself when he looks in the mirror, providing catharsis he’s been waiting for since the “total hell” of puberty. “It has completely transformed my life,” he says. So much of his energy was spent on being uncomfortable in his body, he says. Now he has that energy back.

For the transgender community at large, visibility does not automatically lead to acceptance. Around the globe, transgender people deal disproportionately with violence and discrimination. Anti-trans hate crimes are on the rise in the U.K. along with increasingly transphobic rhetoric in newspapers and tabloids. In the U.S., in addition to the perennial challenges trans people face with issues like poverty and homelessness, a flurry of bills in state legislatures would make it a crime to provide transition-related medical care to trans youth. And crass old jokes are still in circulation. When Biden lifted the ban on open service for transgender troops, Saturday Night Live’s Michael Che did a bit on Weekend Update about the policy being called “don’t ask, don’t tuck.”

Page says coming out as trans was “selfish” on one level: “It’s for me. I want to live and be who I am.” But he also felt a moral imperative to do so, given the times. Human identity is complicated and mysterious, but politics insists on fitting everything into boxes. In today’s culture wars, simplistic beliefs about gender—e.g., chromosomes = destiny—are so widespread and so deep-seated that many people who hold those beliefs don’t feel compelled to consider whether they might be incomplete or prejudiced. On Feb. 24, after a passionate debate on legislation that would ban discrimination against LGBTQ people, Representative Marie Newman, an Illinois Democrat, proudly displayed the pride flag in support of her daughter, who is trans. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Georgia Republican, responded by hanging a poster outside her office that read: There are TWO genders: MALE & FEMALE.

The next day Dr. Rachel Levine, who stands to become the first openly transgender federal official confirmed by the Senate, endured a tirade from Senator Rand Paul about “genital mutilation” during her confirmation hearing. My second conversation with Page happens shortly after this. He brings it up almost immediately, and seems both heartbroken and determined. He wants to emphasize that top surgery, for him, was “not only life-changing but lifesaving.” He implores people to educate themselves about trans lives, to learn how crucial medical care can be, to understand that lack of access to it is one of the many reasons that an estimated 41% of transgender people have attempted suicide, according to one survey.

Page has been in the political trenches for a while, having leaned into progressive activism after coming out as queer in 2014. For two seasons, he and best friend Ian Daniel filmed Gaycation, a Viceland series that explored LGBTQ culture around the world and, at one point, showed Page grilling Senator Ted Cruz at the Iowa State Fair about discrimination against queer people. In 2019, Page made a documentary called There’s Something in the Water, which explores environmental hardships experienced by communities of color in Nova Scotia, with $350,000 of his own money. That activism extends to his own industry: in 2017, he published a Facebook post that, among other things, accused director Brett Ratner of forcibly outing him as gay on the set of an X-Men movie. (A representative for Ratner did not respond to a request for comment.)

As a trans person who is white, wealthy and famous, Page has a unique kind of privilege, and with it an opportunity to advocate for those with less. According to the U.S. Trans Survey, a large-scale report from 2015, transgender people of color are more likely to experience unemployment, harassment by police and refusals of medical care. Nearly half of all Black respondents reported being denied equal treatment, verbally harassed and/or physically attacked in the past year. Trans people as a group fare much worse on such stats than the general population. “My privilege has allowed me to have resources to get through and to be where I am today,” Page says, “and of course I want to use that privilege and platform to help in the ways I can.”

Since his disclosure, Page has been mostly quiet on social media. One exception has been to tweet on behalf of the ACLU, which is in the midst of fighting anti-trans bills and laws around the country, including those that ban transgender girls and women from participating in sports. Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves says he will sign such a bill in the name of “protect[ing] young girls.” Page played competitive soccer and vividly recalls the agony of being told he would have to play on the girls’ team once he aged out of mixed-gender squads. After an appeal, Page was allowed to play with the boys for an additional year. Today, several bills list genitalia as a requirement for deciding who plays on which team. “I would have been in that position as a kid,” Page says. “It’s horrific.”

All this advocacy is unlikely to make life easier. “You can’t enter into certain spaces as a public trans person,” says the ACLU’s Strangio, “without being prepared to spend some percentage of your life being threatened and harassed.” Yet, while he seems overwhelmed at times, Page is also eager. Many of the political attacks on trans people—whether it is a mandate that bathroom use be determined by birth sex, a blanket ban on medical interventions for trans kids or the suggestion that trans men are simply wayward women beguiled by male privilege—carry the same subtext: that trans people are mistaken about who they are. “We know who we are,” Page says. “People cling to these firm ideas [about gender] because it makes people feel safe. But if we could just celebrate all the wonderful complexities of people, the world would be such a better place.”

Even if Page weren’t vocal, his public presence would communicate something powerful. That is in part because of what Paisley Currah, a professor of political science at Brooklyn College, calls “visibility gaps.” Historically, trans women have been more visible, in culture and in Hollywood, than trans men. There are many explanations: Our culture is obsessed with femininity. Men’s bodies are less policed and scrutinized. Patriarchal people tend to get more emotional about who is considered to be in the same category as their daughters. “And a lot of trans men don’t stand out as trans,” says Currah, who is a trans man himself. “I think we’ve taken up less of the public’s attention because masculinity is sort of the norm.”

During our interviews, Page will repeatedly refer to himself as a “transgender guy.” He also calls himself nonbinary and queer, but for him, transmasculinity is at the center of the conversation right now. “It’s a complicated journey,” he says, “and an ongoing process.”

While the visibility gap means that trans men have been spared some of the hate endured by trans women, it has also meant that people like Page have had fewer models. “There were no examples,” Page says of growing up in Halifax in the 1990s. There are many queer people who have felt “that how they feel deep inside isn’t a real thing because they never saw it reflected back to them,” says Tiq Milan, an activist, author and transgender man. Page offers a reflection: “They can see that and say, ‘You know what, that’s who I am too,’” Milan says. When there aren’t examples, he says, “people make monsters of us.”

For decades, that was something Hollywood did. As detailed in the 2020 Netflix documentary Disclosure, transgender people have been portrayed onscreen as villainous and deceitful, tragic subplots or the butt of jokes. In a sign of just how far the industry has come—spurred on by productions like Pose and trailblazers like Mock—Netflix offered to change the credits on The Umbrella Academy the same day that its star posted his statement on social media. Now when an episode ends, the first words viewers see are “Elliot Page.”

Today, there are many out trans and nonbinary actors, directors and producers. Storylines involving trans people are more common, more respectful. Sometimes that aspect of identity is even incidental, rather than the crux of a morality tale. And yet Hollywood can still seem a frightening place for LGBTQ people to come out. “It’s an industry that says, ‘Don’t do that,’” says director Silas Howard, who got his break on Amazon’s show Transparent, which made efforts to hire transgender crew members. “I wouldn’t have been hired if they didn’t have a trans initiative,” Howard says. “I’m always aware of that.”

So what will it mean for Page’s career? While Page has appeared in many projects, he also faced challenges landing female leads because he didn’t fit Hollywood’s narrow mold. Since Page’s Instagram post, his team is seeing more activity than they have in years. Many of the offers coming in—to direct, to produce, to act—are trans-related, but there are also some “dude roles.”

Downtime in quarantine helped Page accept his gender identity. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” he says.

Page was attracted to the role of Vanya in The Umbrella Academy because—in the first season, released in 2019—Vanya is crushed by self-loathing, believing herself to be the only ordinary sibling in an extraordinary family. The character can barely summon the courage to move through the world. “I related to how much Vanya was closed off,” Page says. Now on set filming the third season, co-workers have seen a change in the actor. “It seems like there’s a tremendous weight off his shoulders, a feeling of comfort,” says showrunner Steve Blackman. “There’s a lightness, a lot more smiling.” For Page, returning to set has been validating, if awkward at times. Yes, people accidentally use the wrong pronouns—“It’s going to be an adjustment,” Page says—but co-workers also see and acknowledge him.

The debate over whether cisgender people, who have repeatedly collected awards for playing trans characters, should continue to do so has largely been settled. However, trans actors have rarely been considered for cisgender parts. Whatever challenges might lie ahead, Page seems exuberant about playing a new spectrum of roles. “I’m really excited to act, now that I’m fully who I am, in this body,” Page says. “No matter the challenges and difficult moments of this, nothing amounts to getting to feel how I feel now.”

This includes having short hair again. During our interview, Page keeps rearranging strands on his forehead. It took a long time for him to return to the barber’s chair and ask to cut it short, but he got there. And how did that haircut feel?

Page tears up again, then smiles. “I just could not have enjoyed it more,” he says.”

#suicide m #transphobia m #Elliot Page #transgender #representation #celebrities #actors #tv #movies #rep #trans #transmasculine #nonbinary #queer #long post

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xoxo-teddybear · 3 years

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Goodbyes- Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader (ft. Katsumi, yours and Katsuki’s daughter )

Warnings: Angst, Cursing, Bad Father-Daughter relationship, slight SLIGHT SLIGHT (like 0.00000000000001%) fluff, intense kiss cuz Katsuki’s a SLUT

Summary: Years have passed and even so, Bakugou never gave up on you. You or Katsumi. You were both his family. His girls. He needed the both of you. And he will do everything in his power to bring you both back to him, but his now 16 year old daughter doesn’t plan on making it easy for him.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Pt.1 Pt.2

11 years have passed since you left Katsuki that day. That horrid day. After leaving the house of hell, you went to Mina’s place to see your daughter. You saw her, happy, with her uncles and aunt. Her world was about to change and so you had to give her every ounce of happiness she could possibly get. You decided it would be best for both of you to stay in the welcoming home a little longer.

While continuing Katsumi’s play date, Mina had suggested you and Katsumi stay with her and Kirishima, but you declined. You knew it would be too easy for Katsuki to find you both and you knew he wouldn’t stop trying if he knew you were both at such easy access. And so, after hours and hours of Katsumi having the time of her life, it was time to bring her to her new home. For the time being at least.

After you left the happy couple’s house, you and Katsumi stayed in a hotel for the time being. It was a very nice place. Plenty of other kids for Katsumi to get along with, luxury rooms, and a pool! You both had stayed there for about a month until you found a gorgeous little house where you and Katsumi could call home. Not only was it spacious, luxurious, and all around amazing, if was far, far away from the previous home your shared with your soon-to-be ex husband.

You both had finally moved in, but that was the least of your problems. Like you told Katsuki, you allowed him to be a part of your daughter’s life. You allowed him to take care of her for 2 weeks, and then it was your turn. 2 weeks would pass and it would be his turn once again. You never allowed Katsuki to know where you both where. You kept your information very hidden and made sure your young daughter wasn’t capable of telling her father the new address whenever she was in his custody. You also never allowed Katsuki to pick Katsumi up. You always dropped her off, but never in a vehicle of your own. Can’t risk having him look up and track down your license plate. And if you couldn’t drop her off, you’d have Kirishima or Mina do it.

As time went on Katsumi continued to ask what was going on. Why was her life suddenly so different? She had asked Katsuki before, but he always told her it was a conversation she should have with her mom. When she asked you, you just smiled at her and told her “Things are changing right now, so it’ll just be me and you for a bit. But a Mommy-Daughter play date sounds fun doesn’t it? And it’ll last for a long time~” you said, hinting at what could possibly be the end of Katsumi and Katsuki’s relationship.

Thankfully, Katsumi liked the sound of that. Even though she was a daddy’s girl, she loved her mommy just as much! Of course her head would constantly be filled with thoughts of Katsuki but what can you do? You can’t bring her back to the cheater. Not permanently at least. You just...can’t.

Katsumi wasn’t the only one who was constantly thinking about family. Katsuki also had his face in every screen, every device, every piece of paper that might be able to help him find you. After you left him, he fell into a deep depression. He lost his two girls and it drove him mad. Even though he got to see Katsumi every 2 weeks, he knew that soon, she’d be old enough to be allowed to know what had happened. He was constantly on the lookout for you and where you could possibly be staying and with his friends refusing to help him, he concluded that for this job, he was on his own. He didn’t care. He had to find you again. He was going to bring his family back together.

—

A few years had passed. 6 to be exact. Katsumi was now 11 and she had questions. Why does life have to be like this? How long will the family be separated? Will we ever be together again? Due to all the confusion, Katsumi began to lash out constantly. It was like she was a mini version of her father. She needed answers. She needed to be led out of the dark. She needed to know. And it was time you told her. And boy, did you tell her something.

“Katsumi...your father left..because of me. I’m sorry. I was a horrible wife..and he just couldn’t take it anymore. It was understandable as to why he left..so..don’t be mad at him. Okay?” Y/N told her daughter.

Yup. You lied to her. You lied to your Katsumi but you had your reasons. A girl should think well of her father. Especially when that girl considered her father to be her best friend. So no, you didn’t tell Katsumi that the real reason you were separated was because her father cheated on you. You just couldn’t. Not when you knew Katsuki held the most important relationship in his daughter’s heart.

The relationship between a father and daughter is something irreplaceable. Something special. You couldn’t ruin it for her. So you were okay with her being mad at you, for her blaming you. As long as she was satisfied with her father-daughter “relationship,” that was good enough for you.

However, even though you put the blame on yourself, it didn’t stop Katsumi from being mad at her father too. He should’ve stayed. He should’ve tried to work things out. You both were her parents! You couldn’t even at least try to stay together for the sake of her? After finding out the “truth,” Katsumi did indeed grow resentment towards her dad. You were right in the end, and she no longer wanted to see him. That was fine with you. She could hate him, but as long as she didn’t know he was truly a scum, then that was settling as well.

Anger and fury resided in Katsumi. It bubbled up inside her and for the first 3 years in her teenage life, she was a child straight out of hell. Constantly in trouble, constantly taking out her anger on the world. You couldn’t blame her though, it was Katsuki’s fault she was like this. And you soon realized it was your fault since you lied to her too. Even so, you still didn’t tell her the truth. You opted to allowing Katsumi to express herself but with you and you only.

Katsumi was a good child at heart, but she was just lost in the dark. So when her mother allowed her to take her anger out on her, Katsumi did NOT lay a fist on her mother. Instead, she broke down. She broke down hard. Like she’s been broken all along.

“Was I not a good enough reason for him to stay?!” She sobbed out in anger as tears flowed down her face. You held your daughter as she cried and tore down all her walls she spent years building up. “I understand if your relationship was tough..but I hoped that maybe he would’ve came back to try for me at least. How could he just run away?! I just want my parents together. I just want to be considered! I’m not like other kids! I don’t have a family!!”

“I’m sorry, Katsumi.” You would whisper into her hair as she balled her eyes out. You didn’t expect your rebellious and strong child to be so..torn. You knew she was broken and you tried to help however you could but you never expected a meltdown. You were glad it happened though. After that day, followed a few more breakdowns. It was like Katsumi was opening the gates to allow everything to be bare just for her mother to see.

Her mother. Someone she now fully and completely trusts. Someone she loves. She allowed her mother to see all her cracks and damaged pieces. And thank god she did because now your mother-daughter relationship was better than ever. Katsumi replaced the thoughts of her father with happy memories of you. Instead of her father, her mother became her keeper, her guardian, her protector, her hero.

—

You smile as you look back on the journey you and your daughter traveled on. A happy family of 3, to a sad and confused duo, to a timid and raging two, to finally a content and happy mother and daughter. It’s been one hell of a ride for you, but if it meant reaching Katsumi’s happiness, then you’d happily do it all again.

“G’morning mom!” Katsumi happily said as she walked into the kitchen.

“There’s the beautiful birthday girl!” You happily said as you turned to your 16 year old daughter. Katsumi was no longer harmful towards others. Your once brutal and ruthless bully of a daughter became a sweet, sassy, and fun teenage girl. She was happy now. The sadness and anger finally left...at least, that’s what you thought. And that’s what she thought too. But the inner Katsumi was still in shambles...just..nobody knew that. Not even herself.

Katsumi was quick to jump onto you and give you a hug. She loved you. You became her best friend, her rock. Her protector and hero. It was always you two against the world and Katsumi wouldn’t have it any other way. “Not to be ‘self absorbed’ or anything, but are we doing anything special today?”

“Welll~ I know we haven’t seen them in a few months but I pulled some strings and so! Uncle Kiri, Uncle Denki, Uncle Sero, and of course Auntie Mina will be coming over to celebrate your 16th birthday!” You said with enthusiasm. You watched as your daughter’s jaw drop in happiness as tears of joy began to fill her eyes.

“Seriously?!” She asked with excitement and watched as you nodded your head. She jumped onto you once more and squeezed you tight. “Mom, that’s amazing! Thank you!”

You smiled as your daughter beamed with happiness. It’s been awhile since the Bakusquad (minus Bakugou) came to see Katsumi. Everytime they left their homes, Bakugou grew suspicious and assumed they were seeing Katsumi (and you of course), and even though he was right, he couldn’t know that. So to keep your location hidden from Katsuki, they had to stop seeing you and Katsumi for some time. After a few months, they decided it was perfect for them to pop up again on her 16th birthday, a very special time in a young girl’s life.

“Anything for you Sweetie! C’mon, I made your birthday breakfast and then we can get ready for the day. They’ll be here very soon!” You said to your daughter. She nodded and you both took your seats at the island, enjoying the delicious meal.

Growing up, Katsumi did indeed have friends, but they were more like school friends. She only talked to them in an educational environment but outside of school, her best friend was her mother. She was all she needed. Her friends were her aunt and uncles and that’s why she was more than happy to spend her 16th birthday with just them.

—

Katsuki looked at the date. His heart stung in pain as he stared down at the calendar.

“Katsumi’s birthday.....happy birthday Baby Bear.” He said in a broken voice. The same broken voice he had that day you left him. The same broken voice he’s had ever since you left him.

It’s been 11 years since you left. It’s been 5 since Katsumi decided she no longer wanted anything to do with him. Katsuki felt like he lost everything and in a way, he did. Even so, he kept the house the same in hopes that one day you’d return.

Over a decade has passed and Katsuki still holds hope that maybe..maybe if he prays long and hard enough..if he remains hopeful..his world will go back to normal.

Katsuki was so lost in thought that he didn’t even realize his own friends were possibly going to visit you and Katsumi. It wasn’t until he heard his phone ding and looked to see a notification from Denki to the Bakusquad group chat. Denki must’ve realized he texted the wrong chat room because he never sent another text. Coming to that conclusion, Bakugou assumed something was going on and so he got ready to make a quick trip to his best friend’s house to get in the know. This was a stretch considering they never told him anything about you, which he’ll agree is deserved, but regardless he won’t stop trying.

He got ready and once he was done he was right out the door. As he pulled up to the house he noticed not only Kirishima and Mina, he saw Sero and Kaminari. Something was definitely up. He pulled over to the side and just watched. He saw the 4 friends talking and laughing and finally, he saw the gifts. That’s what gave it away. He watched as the friends packed gifts into their cars and once he saw Kirishima bring a cake, that was all the confirmation Katsuki needed. They were going to see you. They knew where you were.

Katsuki stayed hidden as he followed his friends on the road. He stayed a few cars behind and took on a slow pace. Thankfully, they never noticed him. As the ash blonde drove he couldn’t help but feel a little stinging in his chest and butterflies in his belly. He was so excited to see you..see his daughter..his family.

The drive felt like forever and it probably was. Katsuki looked at his location on the map and it was then that he really saw how far you had moved. It hurt his heart realizing how much you really didn’t want to see him but the fact that he was going to reunite with you soon was overcoming any negative thoughts or feelings. Eventually, his friends ahead of him had arrived and of course, Katsuki followed. The blonde parked a little ways off from the house and waited. He figured that seeing him would cause some shock throughout the home. Katsuki didn’t expect you or Katsumi to be happy to see him but he didn’t care. He’s willing to go through whatever to bring you both back. So, instead of going in right away, he allowed you and Katsumi to enjoy yourselves for some time before he went in and crashed the place.

—

“Happy birthday to you~”

“Blow out the candles, sweetie!” You said while holding the cake. Katsumi smiled, took a tiny breath, and took out the small flames. You all clapped for the now 16 year old girl and you placed the cake down. Playful banter and happy talks were discussed all around as you began to cut the cake and pass around slices.

“I can’t believe our little Katsumi’s all grown up!” Kaminari sobbed into Sero’s shoulder. The slender man made a face of disgust as slobber got all over him and pushed the electric blonde off.

“We’re so happy we got to see you today, kid.” Sero said to the smiling little lady.

“I’m really glad I got to see you guys too! You really made this birthday something special. I love you guys! Especially you, Mom. Thanks for everything.” Katsumi said as she walked to you and wrapped her arms around you.

“I’d give the whole world for you Katsumi. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Your smile s’all I’ll need.” You said while rubbing soft circles onto her back. You released the hug as chatter grew again.

On the outside, Bakugou was pressed with his back against the door. He was lucky it was pretty late, so no one would take notice of the pro hero snooping on some “random” house. As Bakugou listened in on the party inside, he teared up at the sound of the singing. What you all didn’t know was that on the other side of the door, Bakugou was also singing and wishing his daughter a happy birthday. Although it was Katsumi’s day, Bakugou took her wish, and begged for his family back.

He stayed outside the door for awhile but the sound of his name made his ears perk. “So..how are things with Bakugou?”

—

You rolled your eyes at Mina’s question. “C’mon. Seriously? Like I’d know.” You laughed a little.

“Y/N, I’m being serious. Katsumi’s 16 now. She hasn’t seen Bakugou in 5 years. Don’t you think it’s a little tough on both of them?” Your pink friend asked. You soften your eyes a bit as you looked towards your hands

“....Of course I do, Mina. Katsumi has always been a daddy’s girl.” You said while looking towards your daughter, who was laughing with her uncles. “She loves him...and so do I. But it was her choice to not see him. ....She thinks I don’t know it, but I’m well aware of just how bad Katsuki’s absence is hurting her. She puts up a strong facade, but I’m her mother and I can see through it. She misses him but she’s too hurt by what happened.”

“But still, what about Bakugou? I know what he did was horrible-“

“Extremely.”

“Right. But he’s still my friend. He tells us everything. He’s so broken by what happened and I’m not saying you should forgive him but if Katsumi misses her dad as much as Bakugou misses the both of you, maybe she should consider seeing him again.” Mina mentioned. You couldn’t believe yourself but you honestly began to consider it.

Back with Katsuki, his eyes widened a bit. A small smiled grew on his face and tiny tears of joy filled his eyes. He made a reminder to thank Mina for her recommendation for you. If you agreed to it, he might get his Baby Bear back. ..He might get you back too. However, a sudden voice made his hopes shaky.

—

“No, she shouldn’t.”

You and Mina both looked behind you to see your daughter standing there. You both held shocked expressions as you watched her.

“..Katsumi..you don’t ever think of seeing him again?” You asked as her expression grew a mix of hurt and anger.

“No! Not after what he did to you! What he did to us.” She said. You kicked yourself as you and Mina were reminded of the lie you told your daughter. He did hurt the two of you...just not in the way that she thinks. “If he was lucky, and his reasons were good enough, then maybe, maybe I’d forgive him. And maybe I’d go back to seeing him. But he’s gone and he’s not coming back.”

—

On the other side of the door, Katsuki grew hurt by the memories of what he did. After hearing his daughter’s words, he had enough and finally worked up the courage to knock on the door.

—

“-he’s not coming back.”

*knock* *knock* *knock*

The 3 of you looked to the door and were shocked at the new guest. Nobody else was scheduled to come. Who could it be? You watched as Kirishima went to open it and took notice of his surprised face. He said a few quiet words, nodded, and then took a few steps away from the door. He looked towards you and your daughter and you felt the whole world stop as you all looked to the man in front of you who had just stepped in.

“....Hey.”

“.....Katsuki.” You said with small tears in your eyes. You looked towards your daughter to see a sad and hurt expression on her face as her jaw slightly dropped.

“...Dad.”

—

“So.....you’re back.” You said with a broken and bittersweet voice as you stepped to him. You crossed your arms as a way to hold yourself in comfort and to put on a strong front in front of Katsuki. Only problem was, he was the man you loved and who loved you. You’ve been together since you both were babies. He knows how you truly feel.

Bakugou chuckled a bit as he put his hands in his pockets and stepped towards you. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“For what?” You quickly and sternly asked.

“For keeping my secret. You think my dumbass friends wouldn’t tell me what you did?” He began before he was interrupted.

“Hey! At least these dumbasses know it ain’t cool to crash a party!” The electric dunce said as he took another bite of cake.

“Denki!” The rest of the Bakusquad (minus Bakugou) shouted. Bakugou shook his head with a small laugh before continuing.

“Thank you for protecting Katsumi from me. You never once sold me out.” He explained with sad eyes and a hurt smiled. You used your arms to console yourself as you rubbed your sides for warmth. A warmth that only Katsuki could ever help you feel.

“Yeah well...a girl should think well of her father.” You said as you stepped to the side and you both turned to face Katsumi. She held her hands together by the fingers before dropping them and walking to her dad.

“Hi Katsumi.” Katsuki said with a loving, cracked voice. You all watched as Katsumi took small breath before speaking.

“...W-Why are you here? And what do you mean Mom never sold you out? What are you guys talking about?” She asked with her teary eyes.

“..I can answer all of those questions if you talk to me. In private, I’d prefer.” Bakugou said. Katsumi shook her head no before taking a few steps back.

“I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” She said.

“Katsumi,” the said girl looked to her mother who called for her. “You should talk to him.”

“What?” The Bakusquad said.

“What?” Katsumi said.

“What?” Bakugou said.

“There’s some things that you need to know.” You turned to Bakugou as you said this part. “Some things that only you can tell her. That you should tell her. .....You both can talk on the patio.”

“Mom, I don’t want to-“

“I’m not asking, Katsumi. I’m telling you. Go talk to your father. There’s something that you should know.” You sternly said to your daughter. She only stared at you for a minute before looking towards Bakugou and walking to the patio. Bakugou looked towards you and saw you nod your head for approval to follow her. Before he left he pulled you in for a hug. As much as you wanted to hate it, you couldn’t. His scent engulfed you and his warmth finally reached you after so many years. You missed him and your mind and body were quick to give in. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he held onto you by your waist. He embraced all of you and melted into your soft touch that he so dearly missed.

“Thank you, Y/N......I love you.” He whispered into your neck only for you to hear. You nodded, but he knew you still felt the same way when you squeezed him tighter. He smiled at that, and you both finally released each other before he walked to his daughter who was waiting outside.

He opened the back door to find his daughter waiting at the outdoor table. He took a seat across from her and just smiled. She’s really here. In front of him. He finally got to see not only the love of his life but his precious little girl as well.

“...It’s so good to see you, Baby Bear....you’ve grown so much.” He softly said to her. She looked up with sad, angry eyes as she glared at him.

“....Why are you here, dad?” She said in a hurt tone. Bakugou held a shaky smile as she said that word. Dad. Granted, it was no longer daddy but it was something. He loved it either way. He needed to hear it.

“A lot of reasons. To wish my daughter a happy 16th...to apologize..and explain..to see my daughter..my family-“

“We’re not your family. You left us. You don’t leave family.” Katsumi sternly interrupted.

“Right...‘I left you guys.’ ......Baby Bear-“

“Don’t call me that.”

Ouch. That hurt Katsuki’s heart. Broke it even more than it already was. “...There’s something I have to tell you. Something your mother didn’t. Something she lied to you about..to protect me.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Mom is perfect! And amazing! She would never lie to anyone especially me!” Katsumi pointed out as she raised her voice at her father.

“She really is perfect and amazing...and I was dumb enough to lose her. Katsumi...I know your mom told you that I left you both..but in reality...She..left me.” Bakugou said. It felt like lead fell onto his body as he watched his daughter fall into confusion.

“N-No...no you’re lying!” Katsumi said as she stood up and slammed her hands on the table. Katsuki didn’t flinch as he expected this reaction. “She wouldn’t! She wouldn’t tear apart our family..she..she wouldn’t do that...to..to me.” She said as her voice progressively got softer with each word. “Quit lying and just admit that you left us! That you put me and Mom through hell!” Her voice rose once more. “Was I not enough for you to stay?! What did I do that was wrong?! I thought we were the perfect family! I thought...we were happy. Was I not a good enough reason to stay? You couldn’t even try for me? For your daughter? You didn’t even take my feelings into consideration when you left. You didn’t even think about me, Dad.”

Bakugou couldn’t believe it. Your lie was supposed to protect Katsumi, but instead it installed all these insecurities she now has. His friends had told him Katsumi was finally happy..but he guessed she hid all her thoughts..just like he would. She really was his daughter. “Katsumi...it wasn’t like that.”

“You’re lying!!!” Katsumi screamed to herself as tear drops began to fall.

“Katsumi! It’s been 11 years since your mother left me and 5 since I got to see you!” He said with a hurt voice. “Do you honestly think I would wait this long, spend years to find your new home, and come all the way out here just to lie to you?” He watched as his daughter’s face fell as she realized he wasn’t lying. He watched as her faith in her mother deteriorated. He couldn’t let that happen. “Don’t be mad at her though. Be mad at me. She had every reason to leave.”

“..What did you do?” She asked unbothered. She doesn’t care about anything anymore. She doesn’t think she could get any more hurt. Her best friend and mother lied to her about something so crucial. What could possibly make it worse? Katsuki felt his heart beat all around his body. He grew nervous and his palms grew sweatier than usual.

“...I-..Katsumi..*sigh* ...I’m so sorry, Baby Bear.” He slightly sobbed. Katsumi now grew interested. She couldn’t remember much but from what she could, she doesn’t think she ever saw her father cry. Even in the worst situations, he never broke. He always put up a strong front for the world. For her.

“Dad?...” she asked as she sat up in her chair.

“....Katsumi...your mom left me..because I cheated on her.”

There it was. The truth was finally revealed to Katsumi. Plain and simple. Her E/C eyes popped as angry tears filled them. Hurt. Betrayal. Fury. All those emotions she abandoned years ago all came rushing back through her. She began to shake as her breath grew heavy. Bakugou apologized over and over with his head down. Katsumi felt her palms grow hot as they began to spark. Out of anger, she screamed and hit her father with an explosion. The same explosions she got from him.

She watched as her father flew back a few feet and cringed in slight pain. Her blast wasn’t intended to hurt him completely but was more meant to keep him at a distance. She watched as Bakugou got up from the floor and faced her again. Her tears fell heavy as a shadow casted over her eyes. Screw the distance. She ran to him and began punching his chest with everything she had. Thanks to his training, and Katsumi’s distraught state, Katsuki felt little to no pain. He could only look down in heart break as he watched his daughter become a mess due to his actions.

“H-How could you?!” She said as she continued to hit him. “How could you do that to us?! TO MOM! TO ME!” She said and finally looked to her father, showing him her tears, cherry red rose, and puffy eyes. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU PUT US THROUGH?! Do you have any idea what kind of hell Mom went through?! Mom doesn’t know it but I saw her face! I saw the tear streaks in the mornings, her red, swollen eyes! I saw her sadness behind her happy cover! And not to mention what I did to her! My family broke and I became a little terror. I caused Mom hell. ALL BECAUSE OF YOU, DAD! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH?! I had to leave my home! I had to move away from my friends! My family! I HAD TO LOSE MY FAMILY! I HAD TO LOSE YOU!!”

Inside the house, the group of friends could hear everything. All the yelling, the shouting. The anger and pain. Y/N had rivers flowing down her face as she covered her sobs with her hand. Her friends settled around her and comforted her through this horrible time. Outside, Bakugou’s face went into a slight shock at his daughter’s last sentence. “W-What?”

“I had to lose you, Dad! You think I don’t remember? You were my best friend. My idol and hero. To me, it never got better than you. ...But you did this? You betrayed Mom. You betrayed me. I love you, Dad, I still do...but I guess you never loved me or Mom.” Katsumi said as she looked down again.

“Katsumi that’s not true. I love both of you with my entire being-“

“So then why’d you do it?” His daughter asked with her voice, laced with pain.

“I was drunk and made a stupid mistake. It’s a day I completely regret because it was the day I tore apart my family and lost everything.” Bakugou said.

“Tch, you didn’t lose anything at all! You still have the house, the money, the fame, the fans. You’re still a pro, you still have everything!” Katsumi shouted.

“I don’t have you or your mother.” Silence grew at the beginning of his confession. “Like I said, you both are my entire being. Yes, I love my job and I’m grateful for everything I’ve earned and accomplished but I’d give it all up in a heartbeat if it meant I’d get to bring you and your mother back home to me. I don’t care about anything else other than the two of you. You haven’t seen me in the past 5 years and in the last 11 years when you did see me when you came over, you never saw my broken side. You never saw how distraught I was. You never saw the hell I went through because I don’t have the two of you, at home, with me.”

Bakugou stepped to his daughter and wrapped his arms around her to hold her. She allowed him to do so and began to silently cry in his chest. She refused to hold him back as her head was still in a cloud of confusion. Does she forgive him? Go back to seeing him? Try to bring her family back together? What to do, what to do.

“I’m sorry for everything I put you through Katsumi. Both you and your mother. I ruined our family and it’s something I’ve regretted for over a decade. But I won’t let you both go. I will do everything in my power to bring our family back together so we can be happy again. And I’m starting here, by telling you the truth.” Bakugou explained. Silence grew once more and Katsumi had finally made her decision.

“Well I suggest you stop trying..’cuz you’re never bringing us back.” Katsumi said as she pushed her father off of her and narrowed her eyes at him. Bakugou stared at his daughter with wide eyes.

“What?” He asked with an exasperated voice.

“You committed the ultimate betrayal. You broke Mom’s heart, betrayed me and her, and broke this family apart. You ruined us. We’ve finally picked ourselves back up and I don’t think we should let the guy who wrecked our world come back into it. ...I’m glad you came and told me the truth..thank you for that..hope you get home safe.” Bakugou was hurt but he understood where she was coming from. He watched as his daughter began to walk away but he wanted to keep her around as long as he could. He knew this probably would be the last time he would get to see her for awhile.

“I’m sorry!” He said with a sob. He watched Katsumi flinch to his sudden booming voice and turn to him. Bakugou looked at his daughter with teary eyes. “You..you turned out great. You’re the best daughter I could ever ask for. Your Mother did a great job at raising you...I just wish I could say the same.”

As Katsumi took in his words, she could feel a heavy weight fly off of her chest. “.....Woah.”

“What?” Bakugou asked.

“...F-For so long, I’ve been mad at the world. For a period of time, I was mad at mom. But for the past 11 years, I always thought I wasn’t good enough. I thought I was a problem..and I was so broken and mad,” Katsumi looked up to her father with tears at the ends of her eyes and a tiny smile. “I-...I’m not mad anymore...thanks to you.”

Katsumi ran back to her dad and wrapped her arms around him. Bakugou was shocked but felt the tears build up again. He wrapped his arms around her and held his daughter tight for as long as she would allow. Time passed and it was clear the both of them were trying to hold onto this father-daughter moment for as long as they could, but Katsumi knew it was time to let go. Before releasing her hold on her father, she allowed herself to say her farewells.

“Goodbye Daddy....I love you.” Was all she said before pulling away from her dad and walking back into the house. Bakugou watched her go and dropped his head as he allowed himself to cry in peace.

When Katsumi entered the house, she was quick to break down again and sob. She ran to her mother who immediately wrapped her arms around her sad daughter. They both held onto each other as Katsumi said her apologies.

“I’m so sorry Mom! There was a time where I blamed you and none of this was your fault. I’m so sorry!” She sobbed and you pulled her back so you could face her.

“It’s okay, Katsumi, it’s okay,” you whispered. “Don’t apologize for anything. None of this was your fault, okay?” Katsumi only nodded as you pulled her in for another hug. The Bakusquad offered to take her back up to her room so she could settle down and you nodded as you allowed your daughter to head to the comfort of her room. The Bakusquad went to help her cheer up and they of course brought the comedic genius, Kaminari, with them.

“Nothing brings more joy in sad times than a goofy uncle!” Kaminari said as the 4 of them walked up the stairs.

“I could name so many more things, Denki. Trust me.” Mina said as she walked along side him. You chuckled at their conversation as they walked up the stairs but soon, your attention was directed to the opening back door. Katsuki walked in with a sad expression but gave a happy glance once he saw you. He walked towards you and you gave him a sad smile.

“So...I guess now she knows.” You said to break the silence.

“Um...yeah..she knows.” Bakugou said as he looked towards the ground. “......Y/N..I’m so sorry,” he said looking back at you. “If I could go back in time and stop myself I would. Because then I would still have my family. My daughter....you. I’d still have you and Katsumi and we’d still be in the same house with another kid a few years younger than Katsumi and then maybe we’d have another on accident because everyone knows I can’t keep my hands to myself when it comes to you,” he joked sadly. You laughed at his fantasy and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t have similar thoughts.

“Yeah..just...maybe if things were different.” You said with your sad smile. Bakugou slowly went in to grab your hand and you allowed him as he moved in closer to you.

“I’m sorry, Teddy Bear-“

“Stop saying ‘sorry’ Katsuki,” you said as you threw your head back with your small smile still plastered on. You faced him again before speaking. “I know you’re sorry. But..there’s nothing that’s gonna change with it. Maybe it’s time for you to move on. Time for both of us to move on.”

Bakugou shook his head at the idea. “No. I know myself. I know I’ll never be able to let you both go. I’ll never be able to move on, even if I wanted to. But I am able to respect your wishes. If Katsumi doesn’t want to see me anymore....then I’ll give her what she wants.”

“I’m sorry, Katsuki.” You said in regards to your daughter.

“S’not your fault Teddy Bear. It’s mine, obviously. Just what happens when you’re an idiot.” He said, degrading himself. You giggled at his comment and went in to wrap your arms around his neck.

“Yeah..but you’re always gonna be my idiot.” You said into his neck. Bakugou held you tight and took in your intoxicating scent. He took the time to memorize the warmth you had, the way you smelt, the way you felt. How amazing it was to hold you in his arms. He drilled it all into his mind so he would never forget.

“I’m glad. ....I love you Y/N.” He said into your soft hair.

“......I love you too Katsuki.” You replied back with all the love you could give. You both pulled away to face each other but felt something immediately draw you back in. You pressed against each other closer than before as your lips slowly came in contact.

This was something Bakugou also drilled in. The way you tasted. Your sweet strawberry lips were something he would never forget. Something he could never resist. The kiss slowly grew more passionate and intense as Bakugou bit down on your bottom lip, releasing a very quiet moan from you. Quickly, he slipped his tongue in and you allowed it as you succumbed to him. The kiss was strong and Bakugou began to push you against a wall but when his hands traveled to the hill of your ass, gave it a squeeze, and you released another moan, you decided it was enough.

You pushed on Bakugou’s chest and kept him back a bit. He looked down at you in confusion but when he saw your small smile and little head shake he understood. He smiled down at you with sad eyes as he nodded. His hands returned to your waist and pulled you in for a final hug that you happily returned. He pulled away but not before giving you a sweet peck on your forehead. He finally stepped away from you and walked to the door. You followed him as you escorted him to the exit and with his hand on the knob, he opened it as he looked at you with the same sad smile that mirrored your own.

“Bye Y/N.” He said on the other side of the entrance.

“Bye Katsuki.” You said with your hand on the door. While he pulled on the knob, you lightly shut the door.

You both placed your backs on your own sides of the door and released a breath you both didn’t know you were holding. A heavy feeling finally hopped off your chests as you both looked up. You both knew that you weren’t letting each other go. That’d be impossible and you knew it. It was more of you both accepting the new reality. You loved each other, wholeheartedly and entirely, but this would have to be the end of your story together.

You’re not letting go...this is just goodbye.

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missluckycharms · 3 years

Text

What is grief, if not love persevering?

Anon asked: heyyy! i love your writing sm💕 can you write angst please? make it hurt☹

Masterlist.

Summary: in which Harry is a single Dad due to losing his wife five years ago just shortly after their little love was born. Y/N has been there through it all. Harry has a rough night filled with whiskey and tears for his late wife.

A/N: this one is full of Angst and light hearted jokes to not get you too sad … sorry in advance, it’s a real tear jerker. Enjoy!!

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, talks of alcohol and drug abuse, talks of depression and very low mental health, curse words.

—

Five years.

It’s been five years since the passing of Myla Styles, the woman who granted Harry a wish he always wanted, the woman who loved him beyond all the galaxies and the woman who never saw any wrong in anyone, not even the worst of people, she always used to say “deep down, their heart is just aching” and Harry always admired that about her, she always looked on the positive side of life.

She held that same attitude as he held her hand in the hospital room, her fragile and pale body laying on the white bed as she peered up at him, oxygen tube in her nostrils and too many machines to count hooked up to her body, she was a shell of a woman, but she still had a heart of gold, the same hear Harry fell in love with when they were sixteen years of age. He hated seeing her this way, especially when their nearly one week old baby was resting in his other arm, fast asleep as her Mum clung to every bit of life she had left, but not once did her smile fade.

It all happened so fast, one day she was pushing life into the world and eight days later her life was being taken out of this world. There was complications with birth, the doctors and nurses finding undiagnosed ovarian cancer in her ovaries when they had to send her in for an emergency c section. Myla confessed she felt off, her body didn’t feel right, but she knew if something was seriously wrong, she wouldn’t risk the life of her baby getting treatment, she would rather her baby live over her. Doctors and nurses tried their best, trying to refer her to new hospitals to get stronger chemo if she wanted, but Myla refused, she told them to let her go, she was tired and she couldn’t stick around long enough to see if these treatments would work — she knew she was dying but Harry refused to believe it.

The day she left, was the day Harry felt like his whole world stopped, like the curtains were shut and he was left in a dark room with no way out. He promised Myla he would do his best to take care of their love, who they named Honey. He was dealing with the loss, Honey taking his mind off it a little and giving him reasons to pull himself from bed even on the days when he wanted to lay around and wallow in his own darkness — she pulled him out of those days, but two months later it all came crashing down on top of him.

He slipped into a wrong mind set, immediately knowing that Honey had to be taken away from him because he was living in fear he would hurt her, one day he woke up and he looked at her and just cried, he held her and he felt nothing, he didn’t even sympathise with her when she would cry for food, he felt nothing towards Honey and this scared him, terribly. Anne, his Mum took Honey in, letting Harry to relax and blow off some steam and get some help, his and Myla’s family all agreeing and saying he needed help and it wasn’t something to be ashamed about — he just lost his wife, they can’t lose him either.

Harry took the wrong route of clearing his mind and getting help, he found his therapy at the end of a bottle and a line of cocaine. He slipped into an endless spiral of week long benders and debts for drug money along with risking losing his home due to him quitting his high up job at his Fathers Law firm, he completely crashed and burned, he couldn’t live without her, he couldn’t stop his mind racing and the only way for it all to stop, and let him feel numb — was when he was drunk and high, passing out in every room of his home and in his garden, the neighbours finding him sometimes in their yard in a mess. They were the ones who got him help, they called up his family and they all rushed him off in an ambulance to get him sober and conscious again. Here is where he made the decision to sign himself into rehab, accepting the help the hospital offered and a few months later, he was out and clean, he stayed with his Mum until Honey turned one and that was the year Harry found his smile again, found his life and purpose again.

Looking back now, he doesn’t know how he ever made himself believe it was Honeys fault Myla was no longer here, he doesn’t know how he’s even alive because of all the drugs and alcohol he ingested every single night for three months solid, but he knows why everything turned around, it was his Angel looking down on him, guiding him and kicking him in the ass to get up and look after their little love, just like she asked him to do before she left, always look after himself and Honey.

It’s been five years since her passing, Harry is doing better than ever, he started working for his Dad’s company again and now he’s the president of the law firm, alongside his Dad who is the CEO, Harry being second in command and then being the CEO when his Dad retires from the firm. They kept their family home, even if it was just the two of them, they loved the home and it still felt like Myla was living here, her makeup still tucked away in her unused vanity in Harrys bedroom and her favourite paintings still hung up around the home. Harry even hired a nanny, she has been working for him for two years now, she’s even working alongside Harry in his office being his receptionist during the day and she’s Honeys afternoon and night nanny when she’s done in work and Honey is home from school.

Y/N is Honeys nanny, she takes care of the little lady and feeds her daily, even taking her to the playground and to the movies when Honey asked her could she go. She would do anything for Honey and Honey loved her endlessly, she loved the way she would allow her to eat sneaky chocolate bars after dinner every now and then and how she would always play dollies with her, kneeling down on the floor of the den and playing with the small girl until they were both in fits of laughter. Harry also adored Y/N, her passion for her job at the law firm along with her passion for looking after Honey is something he admires, she never once complains about being exhausted even though he can tell when she is, she didn’t have to think twice when Harry offered her the job as Honeys nanny, she knew the little one from her being in the office every now and then, and Honey was instantly drawn to her, the way she was so kind and the way she cared for Honey.

Tonight is a hard night for Harry, it’s Myla’s death anniversary and he’s been having a bad day, his mind racing and his heart breaking all over again, but this time he’s stronger, he’s able to power through until he could be alone and just let his emotions go, have a glass of whiskey and just cry a little flipping through old photo albums — he does this every year on her anniversary. Honey is tucked up in bed and he’s sat alone in the den on the sofa, the photo albums on his lap and his hand clutching a small glass of whiskey as he sips on it flipping through many photos from their wedding and from when they were teens and drunk in love in high school — so many memories can be attached to one person, and Harry knew one day they would be memories, but he didn’t know it would be so soon.

“Honey is fast asleep, left her door cracked open so she can shout if she- Harry? Are you okay?” Y/N stops suddenly, her eyes landing on her boss who was hunched over a photo album on the sofa, curtains drawn and the only light coming from a lamp beside a framed wedding photo of him and Myla on the table by the sofa.

“Yeah, thanks for putting her to sleep” Harry says weakly, not turning around which alarms Y/N, she’s seen him like this last year, she let him be as she was only new to it, but this year she’s determined to sit with him all night if he needs — he needs to have some company.

“That’s you?” She asks sitting next to him, Harry not moving or telling her to leave, he accepts her company as she looks down at the photo his eyes are laid upon — two teenagers at a party.

“Yeah, m’hair was a curly mess” he says with a low laugh, looking over the photo of a seventeen year old version of himself, smiling cheekily clutching a red solo cup and Myla wrapped under his other arm holding him around his waist, both their smiles wide and cheeky and their cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol in their bodies.

“I think it looks cute, pitty it’s not as curly now” she says with a light laugh, watching as his ring clad fingers turn the page, taking a sip from his whiskey as he goes.

“This was our prom, she made me wear a pink fucking bow tie — absolutely hated it” he laughs, the crinkles by his eyes evident as Y/N laughs along, looking down at the curly headed teenager in a black suit, white shirt and a bright pink bow tie, matching Myla’s floor length dress next to him, a shawl over her shoulders matching as the corsage around her wrist match the pink of her dress also.

“She hated that dress a year later, she was packing up for college and I was helping her when she found it, immediately burst out laughing” he says laughing loudly, remembering back at the memory he has, Y/N beside him happy at how joyful he sounds speaking of the memories.

“Oh here we go, Frat boy Harry!” Y/N says with a loud laugh, pointing down at a shirtless twenty year old Harry, backwards cap on his head and “Myla’s Bitch!” Wrote on his stomach in paint, two beer bottles in his hands and Myla on his shoulders cheering with her hands up in a red bikini, matching his swimming trunks and baseball cap.

“Some of the best years of m’life, raging parties and no more curfews, we were two hormonal teens absolutely smitten for one another” he says shaking his head with a laugh, his eyes bright as he flicks them over the photos ranging from Harry dancing, Myla being pushed into the pool by him and Harry passed out with a mustache drawn on him with Myla next to him holding the marker with a bright smile mid laughter.

The book is filled with their college days, to their graduation day from college, their photo in their first apartment, Harry on his first day of work and Myla on hers. They took photos of small things, but at the time they meant the world to them, they were milestones in their lives and they never wanted to forget them. Harry is forever grateful that Myla had an obsession with photography, otherwise he wouldn’t have these to look back on and hopefully show Honey one day what her Mum was like, even if she’s drunk and half naked in some of them at college parties.

Harry and Y/N are in fits of laughter, tears falling from their faces as Harry explains every single memory behind each photo, one photo containing a memory of Myla at her bachelorette party, Harry coming out as a stripper and giving her a lap dance as she slaps his ass and throws money all over her husband — that one will definitely not be shown to Honey. Harry is like a whole different person when he speaks about her, his laugh becomes louder and his eyes become brighter, he even ditched his whiskey after one glass to speak about his late wife, Y/N looking at him with pure amazement and proudness of how far he’s come, how he pulled himself from a hard time and carried on life for the sake of his baby girl. He’s truly inspirational in her eyes.

“It should be easier than this by now, right? Like I shouldn’t be still grieving” he says when their laughs and stories come to a stop, their eyes hooded with sleep and faces hurting from laughing.

“What is grief, if not love persevering? You were both childhood sweethearts, you’ve loved her since you can remember and you always will, she’s your whole world, of course you’ll still grieve her, you still love her, and that’s okay” Y/N blurts out, her words quick as she blabs on while Harry watches her, a smile on his face as she explains and accepts his feelings.

“Never knew you were Shakespeare” is all he says, she rolls her eyes laughing, slapping his bicep a little as he shuts the album, tucking it away in the drawer again before turning his focus back onto Y/N beside him.

“Seriously though, never tell yourself you’ve been grieving for too long, it’s okay to grieve and cry yourself to sleep some nights, I get that, I do. You lost a person who made you who you are, but don’t forget, you still have a little one that will need you to be the person who makes her who she is”

Harry thinks she’s amazing, she’s smart and she’s so empathetic towards everyone and anyone. She has a heart of gold and she will never let anyone explain hers or anyone else’s feelings for them, she always allows people to express who they are, heck, one night she brought Harry to a gym after hours, explaining how her brother is a trainer there and he gave her the keys on the condition that she does his laundry for a month, she let Harry rage out and punch the shit out of a punching bag one night because he was so upset. She cheered him on and he was smiling as he was punching towards the end, she helped him release the emotions that built up and would of lead him back down a dark path.

She’s been an Angel sent from above, he knows Myla sent her to him because of how much they’re alike, Harry knows for sure they were sisters in a past life, their kind hearts and understanding natures alike but they have their differences, Myla was very out spoken and loved to party but Y/N is reserved and would rather stay inside with a hot chocolate and her crosswords while watching TV, but that’s another thing that Harry finds fascinating about her, she’s younger than him by eight years, when he was her age he was partying.

“Thank you Y/N, I needed this tonight” he says with a smile, her own smile on her face as she nods leaning over to rub her hand over his in a comforting manner, the pair looking at one another as they soak in their presences.

“It’s getting late, I should go” she says realising it’s nearly midnight, Harry and her need to be in work tomorrow morning and Harry has to wake up to get his little lady ready for school also. He gets a bit saddened when she says this, he secretly wants to hear more of her own college years and her own prom much like he told her earlier.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow” he says with a smile, watching as she gathers up her bag and throws it over her shoulder, car keys now in her hand as she smiles at him once more before heading for the den door. She pauses and looks back at him, his eyes meeting hers as they hold contact for a few seconds before she speaks up.

“See you tomorrow, Harry”

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles au #harry styles one shot #harry styles fandom #fan fic author #singledad!harry #dad!harry #anon <3 #anon ask #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles prompts #fan fiction #fan fic prompts #fan fic requests

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panlight · 3 years

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You've said before how Esme and Emmett could be removed from the story fairly easily and not affect the plot. How would you write them to actually have a purpose? How would you make them more than "Carlisle's and Rosalie's spouses"? In what ways could they impact the plot/story beyond being "Team Bella"?

Just having them spend actual time with Bella and develop a relationship that is more show than tell would help a lot. Like Esme is always saying stuff like "you're part of the family" and Emmett says stuff like "everything's more fun when you're around" but everything is so E/B (or Jacob) focused that we're just supposed to take it as gospel that Bella loves and cares for these other characters despite seeing like . . . no development with them. Even MS doesn't quite fix this, although it tries with Emmett, it's still in a "He instantly decided to love and protect this human based on like two seconds of interaction" way. That's nice of him, but it doesn't feel organic, it doesn't feel like he got to know Bella as a person. Especially since this happens literally after the baseball game on literally the first day he's met her.

The cut "Emmett and the bear" except would have helped here. They are actually spending time together and talking. It feels much more natural. Emmett as a parallel to Bella makes him more relevant, as a human chosen by a vampire. But Esme's experience is even more relevant (teenage girl meets a vampire, fancies herself irrevocably in love) and it's . . . never mentioned in canon at all.

With Esme the answer seems to be make Renee's crappy parenting more explicit and thus Esme as the surrogate mom more literal. As I've said before, I didn't think Renee came off that badly in Twilight (by Eclipse I was starting to side-eye her when she skipped the graduation, but that felt like an Author decision with SM going like "crap I already had Bella go to Florida and do the Renee thing, I don't have anything else to do with her" and made up an excuse for her NOT to come more than anything character-driven by Renee, who DID instantly come to Phoenix when Bella was injured in Twilight and DID come in New Moon when Bella was depressed). But in Life & Death and Midnight Sun it seems SM is fully all-in on the No, Renee Legitimately Sucks thing. Originally I just read it as "extroverted type B mom not the type of mom introverted type A daughter would prefer" vs "actual nightmare neglectful narcissist."

So if we make Bella someone who actively LONGED for a mother-figure, who was not only missing that in her life but WANTING it, Esme might have been more relevant. But because SM tried to make Bella SO MATURE and SO ADULT by calling her parents be their first names I never quite bought into this idea that she 'needed' Esme or would cling to her as a mother. Also just like, Breaking Dawn. All of Breaking Dawn. Why was the baby thing only centered on Rosalie?? Esme's backstory is just as much about that! Esme had actually been pregnant! Actually had a baby! Hell, Esme ran away to protect her unborn baby from its father--there are parallels there with Bella recruiting Rosalie as a bodyguard. And we get . . . absolutely nothing. Zip. Nada. Esme just flits about and looks worried and that's about it. The movie at least tried to make her more of a presence and a force, at the insistence of Elizabeth Reaser. Esme could have been a much bigger player in BD.

One easy thing to make these characters feel more relevant that would take like zero effort on SM's part is have some of the BD witnesses be Emmett's friends or Esme's friends rather than them literally all being Carlisle's. You're telling me affable dudebro Emmett doesn't have some dudebro and himbo vampire friends? Get out of here. Give me a vampire frat pack who play blood pong. Maybe there's another Sasha Denali type vampire mother out there whom Esme made friends with and appeals to her for help.

The other thing is that maybe it would have been nice if one single plot point wasn't about Bella or her kid? If some vampire who had beef with Emmett or something showed up and was causing trouble and Vampire Bella protected everyone from THAT, when it wasn't about her, that seems more impressive and heroic to me? And better payback for all the times Cullens protected her. And it would make Emmett (or whoever) a more integral part of the story, and we could learn more about him as we get the backstory on whatever happened between this vampire he pissed off and him. Or like Maria showing up. Or someone from Esme's past. Or literally anything. Bella can be the main character without every. single. plot. point. revolving around her. The closest we get to this is the James/Alice thing, but that doesn't really go anywhere in the end. And even Victoria's revenge is weirdly about Bella, "A mate for a mate." Cool, but Edward didn't kill James!! Emmett and Jasper did! So why does she want to inflict pain on EDWARD? Clearly because they're the main characters (and a human is an easier target than Rosalie or Alice I guess, haha).

#asks

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

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If Bella was a boy (with Bella's gift. And he would be Edward's singer). What would change? What do you think?

So, I gave a fairly detailed response to this already. The long and short of it being that, depending if Beauford’s the right kind of guy, he and Edward will essentially end up in a romantic relationship neither realizes is romantic. Then Edward eats Beauford at some point.

But, since we’re here, I suppose we can enter imagination land and get into some more details.

Caveat that I haven’t read Life and Death and have no desire to, so we’re actually ignoring some strange alternate universe canon that never made much sense anyway. Shocking, I know, and very unlike this blog.

Beauford Swan and a Kid More Messed Up Than Even Bella Swan

In order for our love story to even start, Beauford has to be the kind of guy that Edward’s into (or can project that he’s into). Well, we know Edward’s into Carlisle (he projects pretty much an idealized version of Carlisle’s personality onto Bella and actively wants to look like Carlisle as to him Carlisle’s is the face of holy perfection while Edward looks like a demon) and given what he says he likes of Bella’s personality we can extrapolate from there.

Edward’s not going to be into an Emmett or anyone remotely resembling Mike Newton. He’s going to be into a quiet, kind, misunderstood, sensative, intellectual who probably looks some level of frail and in need of protection. Essentially, what he saw in Bella, subverting the Madonna complex he has for her a bit (Beauford will be a kind of Madonna, sort of, but not quite so blatant).

So, we have Beauford, who looks a lot like male!Bella and by that I mean he keeps her pale skin, her big dark eyes, and general look about her that she could break with the slightest contact. Basically, he’s a very pretty guy the likes of which typically comes from a shojou anime. He’s also likely still debilitatingly clumsy.

So, you have this guy who’s awful at sports, as in each time he tries he probably ends up in the ICU. Is an intellectual in that he reads old books, an odd amount of Jane Austen at that, but isn’t actually an artist or writer. In fact, other than reading, he has no real hobbies. Has a larger than life mother who constantly needs looking after. And has nothing in common with his peers.

As bad as Bella had it, I posit Beauford would have had it worse. He’s not going to get along with 90% of boys until... probably college. He’s always picked last in kickball, shares 0 interests with most other boys, and is probably ruthlessly bullied for all of this and more. Worse, being so pretty, he’s going to attract a lot of romantic attention, especially from preteen girls who are very into that look and Beauford’s sensitive artistic nature. This is going to get him so much shit from other guys.

Add on top of this Bella’s original difficulty socializing and I imagine Beauford is just as depressed if not more so.

Fast Forward to Forks

Beauford comes to Forks for a similar reasons to Bella, because he felt like a third-wheel in Renee and Phil’s relationship and that his mother was better off without him. I can also see him just not knowing how to act around Phil, who probably expects a stepson who’s more... sonnish. Beauford’s not going to play catch with dad in the yard and I can see Beauford wanting to avoid all of that entirely.

He enters Forks and has a vaguely similarish reception to Bella. Only, there are some key differences.

I imagine Mike, Tylor, and Eric quickly sour on Beauford as he goes from being potentially cool new bro to a guy that can pick up every girl in this school. He’s like the Cullens, but less incestuous and creepy and therefore a thousand times worse. They desperately don’t want Beauford sitting at their lunch table where he can potentially pick up all the babes.

In other words, Mike is the new Lauren, and Beauford knows it. But it’s either eat with these guys or eat in the bathroom, and Beauford’s not at that level of desperation yet.

Jessica’s probably into him, having been into Edward (another pretty, sensitive, guy), but unlike Bella I imagine Beauford has a little better social intelligence in that he has seen this game before and he knows where it leads. So, he desperately, actively, doesn’t flirt with anyone. Which makes him a terrible conversationalist, and he just comes off as really weird.

Beauford, therefore, actually is a Cullen 2.0. You don’t want to be a Cullen 2.0 (Bella is the only one in that school who thinks the Cullens were in any way popular).

I imagine Edward notices this, plus Jessica’s interest, and gives a Nelson laugh from across the room. Now someone else can have the joys of Jessica Stanley’s lust. Though he does notice he can’t read Beauford’s thoughts, which is strange.

Like Bella, Edward undoubtedly thinks Beauford is at first highly overrated, just like all the other mindless teenagers in Forks, and rather plain (from his narration, Edward likes blondes and lighter eyes).

The Rest

Biology happens, it’s a disaster, Beauford has no idea what he did to get Edward to loathe him so much but this time Mike isn’t in any way sympathetic. Instead, Mike just can’t believe he and Cullen seem to agree on something for once.

Edward flees to Alaska, decides he won’t lose to Hamburger, and comes back to do damage control. And we start mirroring canon a lot here. Edward has varying conversations with Beauford, is intoxicated by his very scent, and starts projecting an almost saint like personality onto him. Edward grows increasingly obsessed, starts creeping into Beauford’s room at night to protect him from spiders, etc.

The difference being that Edward is utterly convinced that what he and Beauford share is the highest platonic ideal of friendship. They are platonic soulmates, all other friendships pale in comparison to them, they are intellectual peers and artists.

This is even when they still go to the meadow, Edward kidnaps Beauford in Port Angeles for Italian dinner (despite Beaufrod not having been nearly raped without Edward’s intervention), Beauford is invited to the Cullen house, and more.

Beauford, being Bella levels of oblivious, also has no idea this is a romantic relationship. Likely, what he feels at first and is driven by is a strong sense of kinship with Edward. As Edward is also an intellectual outsider hated by the male half of the school. Beauford’s been there, bro.

However, like Bella with Alice, he appreciates small details of Edward’s vampiric physical appearance, enjoys staring at Edward’s perfect face, and really digs that vampire smell.

I imagine, beyond what happened in Twilight things like the following occur: Edward constantly sketches Beauford in unintentionally (but secretly intentional) erotic positions with no clothes (this is art!), Edward leers at Beauford changing in his bedroom because “we’re both men”, Edward insists on discussing Beauford’s future bride with Beauford and imagines the most perfect woman in the world while also imagining smashing her head in like a melon.

But I imagine most of the Twilight plot points happen. The difference being that everyone is very confused on why these two can’t admit they’re dating. Rosalie probably bringing up very valid points of “Edward, if you want this guy to go date someone else then you can’t monopolize his life” and Edward telling her to stop being so petty and jealous of Beauford’s beauty. Aro, I imagine, just dies in New Moon and has no idea what to say when Beauford returns from the dead because it’s not, “Oh look, the lovers reunited! Ah, right, I forgot, they’re just friends. Yes...”

The other difference being, as I strongly suspect that without Renesmee Edward would never have turned Bella (Renesmee really forces that issue as Bella actually dies before Edward turns her), that he would have eventually eaten Beauford as Alice predicted.

But he’d be so delicious.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #bella swan #beauford swan #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #edward/bella #anti edward/bella #edward/beauford #anti edward/beauford #meta #headcanon #opinion

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maplecornia · 3 years

Text

chapter 9

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 2.61K

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: this chapter makes me laugh, especially the scene with Jojo and Namjoon.

tags:@kookaine |@fangirl125reader |@kookiebbyxx |@taradevonne

You’ve been waiting for an hour.

Tilting your head back, you sigh, extremely bored.

You've tried everything you could think of to bypass the time. Reading, writing, watching YouTube, then switching over to Netflix, even attempting to doze in the slightly uncomfortable waiting room chair.

None of them have worked.

Currently, you're doodling in your sketchbook, but no concrete idea comes to mind for the sketch. Leaving you with tiny flowers, faces, and body parts on the page as though it were a practice sheet.

Peering over the sketchbook, you scan the room for any sign of life, but as the day has dragged on, so has the crowd.

You don't see any sign of Kim Namjoon anywhere, and the receptionist hasn't called you over ever since you turned in the forms she gave you. Uninterested, your eyes glazing over, you pull out your phone, peering at the time.

12:30 pm.

Heaving a sigh, you tilt your head back, the music playing through your GalaxyBuds. Yet it does no good to lift your spirits.

You suppose it's only fair, you made him wait, now it's his turn.

Setting your phone down once more, you purse your lips, as your gaze falls on a flower swaying in the wind outside.

It's the only flower you can see amongst the bush. It stands almost forlornly in the midst of multiple of its fellow brethren withered around it. Still, it stands strong, unwilling to fall victim to the harsh weather outside.

A thought crossing your mind, you turn to your sketchbook, quickly turning the page and beginning a vigorous sketch before you lose your idea.

Unbeknownst to you, as you progress halfway through the sketch, Kim Namjoon bursts into the lobby, looking out of breath and flustered.

He wears a bright white T-shirt, one with a small black Nike emblem across his left pectoral muscle. It hangs sort of loose around his neck, his collarbone visible as cooling sweat causes him to glisten like a bright star.

It's not as noticeable, considering that he wears a thick black sweatshirt zipped down around his shoulders. It's simple, with thin white stripes running down the sleeves and white soft underlining to it.

The black sweats he wears seem to fit with the outfit, the same white stripes running down each pant leg. Each piece of clothing has a Nike emblem on it and pairs well with the white Nike AirForces he wears on his feet.

They’re simple but rich clothes and bring to mind the same clothes Jungkook was wearing before.

The cooling sweat on his skin and the way his hair falls a bit messily underneath his cap could lead to the presumption that they were doing a major dance practice before all of this.

No matter the case, he didn't expect the meeting to take this long, and he feels terrible for making you wait, despite everything. As he looks for any sign of you, he doesn't find any.

Worried that you have already left, he knocks on the front desk, gathering the attention of the receptionist that helped you earlier. Kim Jojo raises her head, and as she catches sight of RM, her eyes widen just the slightest bit, but not enough for him to notice.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Namjoon, what can I--”

“Yes, yes hello.” Namjoon interrupts her, too panicked to care about formalities.

He wants to catch you before you get tired of waiting and leave. First impressions are everything to him, and if he has a bad one…Shaking the worry away, he leans forward over the counter separating the receptionist from him and she flinches away at the sudden closeness.

RM either doesn't notice or doesn't care, but either way, he meets her with an intent stare, every word uttered from his lips urgent and careful.

“Has anyone by the name of Lin Yen come in?” The receptionist opens her mouth to respond but before she can say anything, he holds up a finger.

A thought having crossed his mind, he reaches into his back pocket, bringing out his phone. He tries to bring up the picture of you while Jojo stands there, half in shock, half in annoyance. As soon as he finds it, he lets out a little victory shout, one that startles her.

Grinning, he presents it to her, and she peers at a strange picture of you. After she looks at it, Jojo pulls back, her brows crinkling in confusion.

“She looks like this. If she came in, could you please tell me? I've been waiting since 8:00 this morning to meet her.” Jojo sighs, trying to gain her composure before responding.

“Mr. Namjoon--” she begins, but Namjoon interrupts once more.

“She’s my new assistant, you see, and I need to begin her training today. She needs to know the ropes before our busy season comes back around.” He explains, pulling the phone back and trying to pocket it once more.

Instead, he ends up knocking over a container filled with an assortment of pens and pencils. Surprised, he fumbles to pick it up but ends up spilling it all over the floor. Cursing under his breath, he reaches down to pick up some pencils that have fallen.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Jojo picks up the container, righting it on the counter with a loud thud. Startled, RM glances up at her eyes wide, and she smiles sweetly.

“Please, just leave it.” She says between her teeth. He shrugs, almost reluctantly standing. She sighs in relief, carefully putting the pens and pencils back in their place.

“Now...Mr. Namjoon, please listen--” once more, she cannot finish, Namjoon unable to shut up to save his life.

“I’m sorry, but if you need any more information on her I could--”

“Kim Namjoon!” This time it's Jojo's turn to interrupt him, her patience finally wearing thin.

RM instantly falls silent, a bit surprised at the outburst.

Jojo takes a steadying breath before continuing.

“Now, the person you are talking about has already come in. I told her you were in a meeting and had her wait in the waiting room for you to return.” At the information, RM turns to the waiting room where he catches sight of you for the first time in real life.

He notices you vigorously sketching out your idea. Smiling, he can't help but smile at the familiarities he finds in you. You look exactly like the picture Jaejin sent, despite how weird it was.

“I had expected to receive a notice of your return, so I could send her to you, but now that you're here….” Namjoon turns away from you and flashes his contagious smile at Jojo who is once more taken aback.

“Thank you,” Namjoon says with gratitude, reaching across the desk and holding her hand as he bows before turning away.

Jojo, watching him go, turns beet red before collapsing behind the desk in exhaustion. Another fellow receptionist cries out with alarm before tending to her in concern.

You, once more, having no awareness of the events happening around you, continue to sketch. Having finished the rough sketch you begin to define every line, detail, and curve. As you work, you bite the inside of your cheek, sometimes licking your lips in your trance of concentration.

When you're lost in your mind of imagination and creativity, nothing from the outside world can distract you.

And yes, that also includes a very tall, very real version of Kim Namjoon striding towards you.

You don't look up as he comes within a few feet in front of you. You don't even notice as he bends to your eye level, trying to catch your attention. It doesn't break your concentration, even as you reach for an eraser, lightly humming to the music playing in your ears. He smiles, almost laughing at your concentration before he covers his mouth, trying to be quiet so that you don't notice he’s there.

Trying to tease you, he carefully (as much as he’s able) sits down next to you. He was planning on pulling out one of your GalaxyBuds and surprising you, but as he catches a glimpse of your work, he’s stopped cold.

It's breathtaking.

You have created an awestruck image of a woman, on her knees. She wails out in agony as she sits amongst a pile of ash, flecks of it falling around her as though there's a fire burning nearby.

However, that’s not what catches Namjoon’s eye.

Amongst the ash, if anyone looks closely, they'll be able to see that there are small, scattered remains of bones hidden.

She sits amongst them, wailing, the look on her face one of pure anguish and sorrow as the ash from the fading bones stains her skin and her dress.

As though she has lost everyone she’s held, dear.

RM can't seem to look away, entranced by the grotesque beauty of the image and the talent of the artist.

He admires the way you set it up, the way you created the girl imperfectly, but still real. Because after all, who in real life is perfect? As he watches your pencil move expertly across the page, he can't help but think that with each stroke, the creation grows more and more lifelike.

As though she were truly crying out in the pain her heart brings. As though she were alive and breathing.

Almost against his wishes, his hand reaches out to touch the paper, if only to make sure that the actual sketch is truly a mere fabrication of pencil and paper.

As his fingers graze the parchment, that is when you snap out of your concentration.

Eyes widening, you jolt up straight, immediately turning to look at your side.

As soon as your eyes meet Namjoon’s, his hand flinches off the paper. He lets out a soft gasp as he flinches away, surprised by your sudden attention.

Just like with Jungkook, you're frozen in place.

Unable to move.

Unable to function.

Unable to speak.

And just like Jungkook, Namjoon is the same way.

But for a different reason.

He was caught in the act, and he doesn't know what to do.

Your eyes hold him in a sort of bind.

For a moment he forgets what he was doing there, he forgets what his purpose is, for a moment he even forgets why you are there.

For a split second, it's just you and him in a pocket in space.

Your eyes holding his, his eyes holding yours.

Kim Namjoon.

The leader of BTS. The first member of the group you have grown to love. Talented, handsome, a practical genius, he is just as mature and intimidating as you expected him to be.

Despite how close the two of you are sitting, he still seems larger than life, and for a moment, you wonder if he’s even real.

He doesn't seem like it after all.

His skin seems too real, too perfect. His hair is too soft, too smooth. His eyes are too warm and too brown.

Almost exactly like the milky chocolate brown you’ve seen so often in so many photos, except for one thing.

As you stare into them, you can see life so clearly alight in them. How they reveal so many emotions at the same time. There are so many that it's almost impossible to read them at all. Serene and peaceful, they are poets' eyes.

So emotional, yet so mysterious and secretive at the same time.

Dreamboat eyes.

“Kim Namjoon?” you whisper, almost unsure if it's him or not.

As you do, his face makes that mixed expression between confusion and amusement as he chuckles softly, looking away and breaking the connection. Holding his hand up to his mouth, he nods, clearing his throat, but not saying anything for a moment.

“Yes, that's who I am, and you must be...Lin Yen?” your heart jumps at the fact that he knows your name.

Speechless, all you can do is nod mutely as he utters another adorable chuckle, one that always seems to remind you of Goofy.

“Jaejin didn't tell me you were an artist.” As soon as he says that, you notice that your sketchbook is still open, and showcasing your imperfect, unready sketch.

Panicking, you fumble to get it closed. Blushing, you hug it tightly to your chest, as though it could erase the fact that he just got a sneak peek into your very soul.

“What's wrong? It was good!” RM asks, worried.

Biting your bottom lip in trepidation, you shake your head, hiding your face.

“Don't lie….” you mumble.

You know it wasn't close to being done, and it wasn't nearly as perfect as it could have been. You're quite disappointed in it at the moment. You feel as though it was too rushed due to the many ideas pouring out from your brain at the exact moment.

As you take an ashamed peek at Namjoon, you find him staring at you, a slight smile playing on his lips.

“What's wrong, are you okay?” he asks, tilting his head as though you were a shy child. You smirk, playing along and nodding very slowly before he continues.

“I see. You should know, however, that you are very talented.” At the compliment, you snort in disbelief, shoving the sketchbook and pencils back safely in your satchel.

“Please.” You sigh. “I know I'm no Picasso, and certainly not talented.”

Finished with packing your art supplies, you are reminded of the reason you are here. A blush of shame appearing on your cheeks, you turn to Namjoon, a bit guiltily.

“And I’m also not known as the bird to rise before the worm.” RM seems a bit confused before you stand and bow to him in apology.

“I am so sorry for being late today. You see I….”

Remembering the receptionist's words from before, you decide to keep the reason to yourself.

“....I have nothing to say for myself. I'm sincerely sorry.”

“Please, there’s no need for that,” Namjoon responds, standing himself and tapping you on the shoulder.

At the touch, you stand straight, only to find an extremely tall man standing before you, looking more intimidating than before. Heart beating fast you gulp, stepping back a bit.

Luckily, he doesn't notice your act of distance and just smiles at you before continuing.

“After all, I was late as well, so let's call it even, huh?”

You smirk and nod, thankful that he’s not too angry about it, but it doesn't completely erase your guilt.

“But now that you mention it….” Namjoon starts and intrigued, you glance up to see him back up a bit as well.

Confused, you raise an eyebrow before he holds out his hand to you.

“My name is Kim Namjoon, I’ll be your boss during your time here. First and foremost, welcome to BigHit entertainment, I hope you enjoy your time working here with us.” He introduces himself, warmly.

Catching on, you take his hand, shaking it gently, and trying to ignore the fact that yours is much more like a child's compared to his.

“Hello, Mr. Namjoon! It's a pleasure to finally meet you, my name is Lin Yen and I look forward to working with you!” you respond, returning his grin with one of your own.

After you're finished introducing yourself, he releases your hand and steps back, taking your satchel in his hands and handing it to you.

“Well, Ms. Lin, are you ready to begin?” He asks, and you accept the offer, hiking the satchel on your shoulder before looking up at him in expectation.

“Where do we start?”

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: first day at work is finally starting, yall excited? eheheehehe get ready for some namjooon and yen moments to come

chapter 10 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

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rose-tea-books · 3 years

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people need to start taking teenage girls seriously (especially you, doctors!!)

i am so freaking mad at my doctor...

the other day, i payed my clinic a visit. it was regarding my many piling symptoms of adhd or some type of neurodiversity. it's pretty damn hard to take high school and college classes while also helping around the house with so, so many symptoms as a young teen with desi parents who were conditioned to think stuff like mental illness = psycho which my child is not, just lazy (they've been getting better, at least).

so the doctor comes in and asks the usual question, and i tell her all my symptoms, including, but not limited to:

having the short-term memory span of a goldfish

literally can't focus to save my life

excessive fidgeting

random hyperfixations, for example, sometimes, when i read, i will finish a 500 page book in 3 hrs and if anyone calls me i will literally not read it

auditory processing issues

textual processing issues

never, ever wanting to get up in the morning

randomly feeling super depressed, then bouncing of the wall 5 minutes later

maladaptive daydreaming for a quarter of the day

freaking major procrastination

either being emotionally dead or overinvested in everything

don't remember what i had for breakfast but you wanna know about the palmaris longus, historical clothing of the 1830's, why banana flavor don't taste like banana, or alien hand syndrome?

feeling guilty for having fun, even if i completed all my responsibilities beforehand.

socially stunted 😙✌️

seriously. this is my list. and you know what the doctor said in response?

4 times (yes, i found myself counting): yeah, it's pretty common to feel that way since the pandemic began.

and every time she said that, i mentioned that these symptoms were from before the pandemic as well, to which she'd just dismiss me and continue.

7-9 times: oh, that happens to me too, that happens to everyone!!

i don't want someone to fucking relate to, i want treatment! like, i'm pretty sure you never created a whole magic system in your head but could never get it to flow on paper, but ok, if you say so, kim.

(? times) her #1 argument:

but you used to have high grades before the pandemic.

i still have relatively high grades, just the one b i was stressing about. and the issues started bEFORE THE PANDEMIC! but the doctor wouldn't stop using this argument, even after i refuted her claim. also, i've burned out, doc! can't you see!

still, some of the smartest people i know are neurodivergent. even those who aren't treated have had high grades.

y'all don't have to believe me. maybe she was right, and i am neurotypical (i don't buy it one bit), but when i came home, i mentioned what happened to my sister casually. i didn't say anything biased, just why i went to the doctor's.

and she just flat out says that she doesn't like that doctor one bit. and why? because when she was a high school sophomore, she went to her regarding her anxiety, and she just flat out dismissed her worries.

apparently, having a panic attack after school almost every day is not enough evidence for having anxiety, kim...

just because i am a young teen, a girl, does not my troubles can be dismissed like that! especially if you are a healthcare professional and someone is explaining their MEDICAL issues to you-- i don't care how old they are-- you are supposed to listen!

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wannabemobwife · 3 years

Text

Guns, Glamour, and Goodfellas - Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Sucker for Pain

Dad!Mob!Tom Holland x Mom!Mob!Reader

Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield

Warnings: Guns (its in the title lol), grief, a minor mention of blood, fighting, always angst (what I consider angst)

Words: 4.1K

Author note: Totally cried while writing this. Feel free to leave comments or message me directly your feelings while reading the chapter. Always love hearing from you guys.

Chapter 5: Sucker for Pain

Words: 4.1K

Word of Charlotte’s death had spread like wildfire, especially at school. Only Rosie was attending the past fews days. Parker set to join her in two days time, after the funeral, he was scared of what lied ahead. Parker was discharged from the hospital a few days ago, under strict instructions to rest. He started to go a little stir crazy, watching the days pass.

Most of the student’s attended the funeral. Charlotte’s demise was widely publicized which made Parker’s blood boil. No one knew her like Parker did. Who Charlotte actually was the complete opposite of the persona she put on in public and at school. Charlotte was secretly funny and enjoyed really cheesy corny jokes. Her sense of humor was one of things that made Parker fall in love with her.

All the Hollands attended. You, Tom, Rosie, and Parker, and hoped to pay your respects. Parker was exhausted, he had been going through the stages of grief. How could his life get so screwed in a matter of a few weeks. A couple weeks ago, he was a kid planning his promposal for his girlfriend and now he is a protégé of the biggest mob in London who was about to bury his girlfriend.

This was the final stage, the one he was dreading the most, acceptance. He didn’t want to let her go. Charlotte changed his world for the better. She was the first person he ever loved and loved him in return.

The denial didn’t last long. It was unfathomable how she no longer existed. How the world wouldn’t be blessed with her beautiful smile anymore. Or her corny sense of humor and gracious presence. How could someone so perfect just leave the world so suddenly.

Bargaining followed next, coupled with anger. Parker was angry at the world, God, himself, and the bastards that killed her. If they had only driven home when he wanted to, she would still be here. If he hadn’t gotten grounded and not overslept and cleaned up quick enough. If he hadn’t thrown that stupid party. If his dad never gave him an ultimatum. If he never turned 16. Even if he never existed in the first place, Charlotte would still be alive.

There are 5 stages of grief as if you move on from one to the next but no, they stick with people. Especially, depression and anger. How does anyone ever really get over death. Losing someone you love is greatest pain ever felt. Someone you held and protected. Losing Charlotte, in that moment Parker wasn’t good enough. Not enough to protect her or love her.

Bringing us up to date, acceptance. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye but since when did he start getting what he wanted. Parker stood like a statue as he watched Charlotte’s casket lower in to the ground. He knew he had to be strong not just for himself, but for everyone else, especially Charlotte’s parents. At the reception, Parker tried to speak to them but, he didn’t know what to say. How could he lie to them saying it was an accident when in reality he was the reason.

“You have some real nerve showing up here,” Mr. Owens said as Tom walked up to the grieving parents. “I was so sorry to hear about Charlotte, Mrs. Owens,” Tom explained. “You daft prick, you were there. You could’ve protected her,” screamed Mrs. Owens to Parker.

“Mrs. Owens, I just came to offer my condol—“ Parker tried to say.

“Fuck your condolences!” She yelled, throwing her daiquiri straight on Parker. Coating him, from head to toe, in a very potent alcoholic drink.

“I think what my son is trying to explain is that if you need anything, money or a favor, it would be our pleasure. Our family business has some important ties.” Tom exclaimed, hoping to bring them some peace. “You and your son end lives. That’s your family business. I want no part of it. Now if you don’t mind, please get out of my fucking way.” Mrs. Owens said, pushing her way past Tom.

“You people have too many strings. I just want my baby girl back, and you can’t do that,” screamed Mrs. Owens as she left the premises.

“Sir, you want me to take care of her?” asked William, Tom’s capo. “Leave her alone, she’s grieving. Parker come on, let’s go home and get you cleaned up,” Tom explained.

“She’s right. If it weren’t for me Charlotte would still be alive.” Parker said solemnly. Tom hated seeing his son like this, it was eating him up inside. Tom couldn’t do anything to stop it, it was up to Parker to face his inner demons.

The Holland household was starting to return to normalcy, at least what they called normalcy. Parker refused to leave his room for awhile. Staff and you would bring food up to his room each meal and take the untouched one from before. He was a shell of a person after the night. All the while Parker was getting over Charlotte, Rosie was getting under someone new.

Henry had been coming over frequently for two reasons. To comfort Parker in his time of need and to be with Rosie. Their love for each other blossomed rather quickly. Rosie was not one for big romantic gestures, but made an exception from Henry.

The day had come where Parker was to return to school. How could face all of them with the judgements and accusations. Charlotte’s death shook everyone to their very core, everyone was taking the news differently. It wasn’t common for the school community to lose on of their own. Maybe a teacher but never a student.

There were a multitude of mourners that ranged from the fake asses who say they knew her but didn’t, her former conquests who only saw her as a good fuck and her actual friends who were devastated. Posters were hung up and there were candles, teddy bears and “We miss you cards,” displayed all over her locker.

You drove them to school that morning, since Parker was still grounded. Arriving at school, all voices ceased to exist as the black Rolls Royce pulled up. Out jumped Parker and Rosie and all eyes shifted to them as they walked through the halls.

“Glad to see you are back Mr. Holland. You missed a few projects, you can make them up at a later time,” Ms. Erikson, Parker’s chemistry teacher, said. Parker just nodded in response.

Walking to his seat, he perfectly heard all the rumors being spread or was he supposed to. “I heard he was the one who killed her.” “I heard they were both at a gang bang” “I heard she died in his arms”. How could people be so insensitive to make snap judgements like that.

Charlotte’s parents’ opted for the cause of her death to remain hidden. But they were teenagers, they couldn’t help but, gossip. Rumors are just rumors, Parker would tell himself. They weren’t entirely wrong. He was the reason, he was there when it happened, and he held her as she died. Being in those hollowed halls was brutal. Parker was basically the new social pariah.

The student’s weren’t oblivious to the Holland family. They knew what most people knew. That Tom Holland owned one of the largest exporting companies in Europe, Holland Exportation and Luxuries. And they knew not to mess with the Hollands.

Once class was over, now came the hard work. Tom called it “Mobster Bootcamp,” Parker was currently taking lessons with his dad to carry on the legacy. Tom had a few tricks of the trade up his sleeve desperately wanting to pass on to his son. They had met in the Tom’s office to begin.

“Lesson 1: Always wear black or white.” Tom started with as Parker took notes, like the perfect student he is.

With one, blood will alter it completely and the other remains unchanged. It was a common theme, with the Holland legacy, wearing black or white. It was sleek, dangerous and classy all at the same time.

“The one big perk is that blood doesn’t show up on black fabric.”

“Lesson 2: Wives must be treated with respect, girlfriends are fair game."

“If you’re a good man, the only describable difference between a wife and girlfriend is that one has an unnecessary symbol on her ring finger. They both mean the same and don’t you forget it,” Tom concluded.

And Tom was a good man. Never has Tom even thought about cheating on you. Porn was pointless and strip clubs bored him. Why throw away the best thing that ever happened to him, you.

“Lesson 3: Someone brings a knife, you bring a gun” “Never be without a weapon. Anything can become a weapon with the right skill set, but always be prepared.”

Tom was a big fan of improvisation. Sometimes using what he had on hand, like his tie. Strangling wasn’t his most favorite method of killing but he liked to mix it up.

“Also find finesse in your kills. Your mother is a big believer in gun to the head, execution style. Me on the other hand, I prefer to roughen up a guy a bit, but you will eventually develop an M.O. (modus operandi). Another lesson, make sure you don’t always use the same M.O. mix it up a bit, otherwise they could trace it back to you,” Tom elaborated.

“That bring me to my next lesson.”

“Lesson 4: Blackmail is your best friend.”

Tom has had a few close calls in his day. Everything about running a mob had to be sneaky. Bodies couldn’t be found by any random person, they needed to be cleaned up and dealt with. The witness’s in a meeting were sworn into secrecy, he had enough dirt on them that he could get someone to fake their death if need be. Cops were never a problem with the Hollands. They were his puppets and he was the puppet master.

“Killing someone in a public place you risk being caught by an innocent bystander. Then one things leads to another and you are cleaning up two bodies instead of one.That’s why I have the warehouse and the police Captain in my pocket. Just remember everyone’s got a price,” Tom explained.

“Lesson 5: Have as little weaknesses as possible.”

Tom hated referring to the one’s he loved as weakness but it was the truth. He couldn’t be weak if he desired to be top dog. The moment you and Tom started a family, his liabilities increased. From that day, his only goal was to protect you and the twins.

“I would never call your mother a weakness, but I would die for her. Also for you and your sister. This makes me vulnerable. In the past, people have put her in danger situations for leverage against me.” Tom said, rubbing his temples. Parker just nodded in return. A long silence ensued.

“Dad, are you okay?” Parker questioned.

“Yeah. I’m sorry son, I have more for you but, just have a lot on my mind,” Tom apologized. “It’s alright. Any luck with finding Charlotte’s killer?” Parker asked, his voice tainted with hope.

“No, but I do have a meeting at the warehouse with a contact would you like to tag along?”

“How could I say no,” Parker said, kind of excitedly. They made their way out of the mansion and drove to the warehouse. Parker had never been here before. It was dark and cold looking. The walls were pure metal sheets and the floor had stains of blood scattered everywhere. “Good to see you, Jazz,” Tom said walking up to the mysterious woman tied to a chair. Jasmine Ramsey, a contract killer Tom was friends with. A little more than friends at one time, predating you.

“Fuck you, Tom. What’d I do to be graced with your presence,” questioned Jazz. “Nothing to piss me off, yet,” Tom chuckled. “Then why the fuck am I here,” she said a little peeved.

“My son, here, needs to ask you a few questions,” Tom said, pointing towards Parker who stood in the corner. “Aww a baby Holland. Following in your daddy’s footsteps, huh?” “Shut it, slag,” Parker yelled as he melded his fist with her jaw.

“Jesus. What the fuck was that for?” Jazz screeched. “Woah. Sorry Jazz, should’ve told him you were an old friend,” Tom says, holding his hands up in defense. “Oh, I’m so sorry miss. Could I get you some ice or something?” Parker exclaimed, surprised that he just punched an assassin.

“Its fine didn’t hurt that bad. Gotta work on your punch,” she said adjusting her jaw. “Really. Hurt like a bitch to me” Parker whispered, holding his aching hand. Blood began to seep out of the broken skin, staining his knuckles red. “Tommy you gotta tell your son to grow tougher skin” Jazz exclaimed. “What the fuck were you thinking Parker?” Tom said, grabbing Parker by the collar of his polo. “Sorry I just assumed with her being tied up and all” Parker exclaimed. “That’s how we do business boy. You’ll soon learn”Jazz explained with a shit-eating grin across her face.

“Anyway, I need info on a murder at The Luxe on the 11th. A young girl was involved.” Tom turned to Jazz.

“Oh I heard about that, poor girl, she was pretty too. What’s it to you, Holland?”

“That’s not important,” Tom hissed. “She was my girlfriend,” Parker interrupted.

“Sorry lover boy my hands are tied, literally,” Jazz said, rolling her eyes. “If I untie you will you talk?” Tom replied.

“Yes, you know me. I don’t appreciate being threatened.” “Alright Jazz, just spit it out.” Tom said as Parker untied her restraints. “I was downtown at pub, called Harmon’s. Heard of it?” Jazz expressed. “Yeah, a big hotspot for Shaw’s men,” Tom said, nodding his head as he followed along. “Well, I was searching for my target and overheard some men saying “It’s going down tonight, word from the Merchant is that he should be there, with his little whore.”” “Fuck. The Merchant. Where have I heard that?” Tom said, puzzled. “Short for Merchant of Death. Surely, you’ve heard the old mob tales.” Jazz elaborated.

“Of course.”

“Well if it is him, I’d stop looking you don’t want to find him,” she warned. “Please, everyone knows I’m fucking top dog,” Tom asserted. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch, Tommy. You are now, but he used to be and if he is returning, watch your back. All he craves is power. If that’s it I’ll be on my way.” Jazz explained, asking for permission to leave. “Yes of course, Jazz. Thanks.” Tom muttered. “Give my love to your wife,” she said, pressing a cheek to his kiss as she strutted out. “Seriously dad?” Parker asked with a side glare. “Parker stop it. I love your mother and I would never cheat on her. Jazz and I are just friends.” Tom explained creating a “I’m watching you” look on Parker’s face.

“Jesus, one punch ripped open your knuckles. You're the one telling mom. Now come on or we’ll be late for dinner,” Tom said, inspecting Parker’s hand. Being the new mob boss was in Parker’s blood, but you were always against it. You loved the mob and being part of it but you wanted your kids to have a choice, unlike you and Tom.

Meanwhile at the manor, you and Rosie were making dinner. You appreciated all the staff to clean and cook but, enjoyed the satisfaction when doing it yourself. Secretly loving your independence. While you were dating Tom, you would try to ditch your security much to Tom’s dismay. You were a junkie for thrills.

Rosie and your relationship is what ever mother desired. You treated Rosie like a daughter first and a best friend second. As long as Rosie’s life was never put in danger you would keep her secrets. The major one being Henry.

“Hey honey. Since it’s just us here, how are things going with Henry?” You asked curiously. “Wait, where’s dad and Parker?” Rosie questioned cause nobody else knew. “Taking care of some business. Now spill, I want all the details.” “Well things are going really great. We kissed.” “Really? When? Where?” You have always wanted to have this conversation with her daughter. “At the hospital when Parker was hurt. I had a panic attack and Henry comforted me. He is really great, mom. I don’t know I’ve just never felt this way before,” she explained. Rosie had boyfriends in the past, never long enough for anything serious to perspire.

“Roo if you’re ready to take that step, I’m here for you. You can tell me anything.”

“I’m okay, right now, considering”

“Considering what? Did something happen? Has Henry been pressuring you?” You grew concerned of your daughter. “No. God no, nothing like that. On the night of the party, I got drunk and remember that boy Connor?”

“Yes, go on.” “Well he… he tried to rape me.” Rosie murmured, trying not to cry. “What? Roo why didn’t you tell me,” you whispered, your heart breaking on behalf of Rosie. “Henry was there to stop it and I just want to forget about.” “Roo, I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. I’m always here for you ok? I love you so much baby.” “Love you too, mom” Rosie replied. Their conversation soon quickly ended as Tom and Parker came barging through the front door and Rosie excused her self to the restroom.

“Ooo, something smells good. What is my beautiful wife cooking?” Tom asked, coming up behind you and kissing your neck.

“The only thing she knows how to cook, spaghetti and meatballs,” you replied, jokingly.

“How was your guy’s day?” You asked. “Great, Parker really showed them,” Tom said, kissing your forehead and pulling you into a warm embrace.

“Jesus Parker, does it hurt?” you questioned as he showed her his battle scars.

“What the fuck happened to your hand?” Rosie said, walking back into the kitchen. “Oh nothing,” Parker said, trying to change the subject. Rosie just gave him a puzzling glare as she dropped the subject.

“Dinner’s ready,” you announced as they all made their way to the dining room. There they sat at the long table, Tom at the head of course and you to the right of him. You all talked about your day, of course, avoiding any mob talk.

“So what really happened to your hand” Rosie asserted breaking the silence. “Drop it. Will you?” Parker barked annoyed at her persistence. “Fine,” she said staring at her plate until her phone buzzed. That noise put a smile across her face because it was always the same person, Henry. “Roo, you know the rules. No phones at dinner,” you remarked. “I know mom, just give me one second,” replied Rosie, holding up a finger. “Rosie, your mother asked you to put it down. Who’s got you so giddy anyway.” Tom said, defending you.

“Oh nothing” Rosie muttered, putting her phone down. “Ten bucks it’s a boy” Tom said directed towards you. “Deal” you responded, shaking his hand. He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a chaste kiss, theirs loving way of shaking hands.

“I’m done. Dinner was great, thanks mom. May I be excused?” Parker asked and Tom nodded in response. Rosie cornered him on his way upstairs. It had been a while since they had talked. Sibling to sibling. Twin to twin. They tried not to keep secrets from each other. He hadn’t of told her about the mob and she hadn’t told him of her and Henry.

“Now tell me what the fuck you did to your hand,” Rosie barked, cornering him.

“Why the fuck do you want to know so bad?” Parker responded. “Umm, I’m your sister.”

“Rosie I don’t have time for your bullshit,” Parker yelled. “What the fuck happened? There’s something you aren’t telling me,” Rosie accused.

“Dad wants me to be the next him.” Parker explained. “I’m not following. What like run the company?” Rosie asked, confused by his statement.

“No. Dad is a mobster. He runs a mob and he wants me to succeed him.” “What the fuck? When did this happen? Why the fuck haven’t you told me?” Rosie exclaimed.

“Our birthday. This is what I was trying to tell you at the party!” Parker yelling causing Rosie to yell back. “Sorry, I was a little preoccupied and so were you!” Rosie hinting at Charlotte. “Don’t turn this on me. What the fuck are you doing with Henry, by the way? You think I don’t see the two of you sneaking around.” Parker quipped, in reality he had never seen their antics. “Nothing, it’s none of your business,” Rosie said, shying away from him. “Of course, it’s my business he’s my best friend.” “Well he is mine too and the world doesn’t revolve around you. If you weren’t so busy breaking curfew and sneaking out, you would see that Henry is really good to me, ever since that night.” Rosie explained stopping herself before she said something she wasn’t ready to acknowledge herself.

“Rosie, what happened?” Parker asked noticing her quick change in demeanor.

“You won’t care,” Rosie quipped.

“Try me,” Parker said softly.

“That night… someone slipped something in my drink and tried to take advantage of me, but Henry stopped it.” Rosie explained, trying to avoid the brute of Parker’s rage.

“Who? Tell me who right fucking now!”

“Connor.”

“I’m gonna kill him” “No, Henry already took care of it. You already have enough blood on your hands,” Rosie chuckled, surprised Parker cared that much. “Thanks,” he said with sarcasm.

“Roo, I’m so sorry. I should’ve known.” “It’s ok. I’m just trying to put it behind me”

“So what you are a mobster now?” “One in training. I need you to know I’m doing this for one reason only, to avenge Charlotte, okay. Not looking to kill for sport like mom and dad.”

Rosie’s suspicions grew over the years that her parents did enjoy living above the law. It didn’t bother her, she actually hoped the mantle would be passed on to her. She had a more fiery spirit than Parker, he was just a big softie on the inside much like his father. Appearances can be deceiving.

Tom was currently in his office, finishing up work for the night. Buzz, buzz, buzz. The last person he thought would call him, his dad.

“So are you going to say thanks?” asked Dom.

“For what? I don’t time for your antics, dad. A hit was hired on Parker and I have to figure out who did it.” Tom sighed. He was frustrated he was getting no where, who was the Merchant of Death. “Umm, hello. Like I said you’re welcome,” Dom quipped.

“You fucking mean that was you.”

“Duh, told you he needed a push in the right direction. I wasn’t the one to pull the trigger but I knew where he was.” “I have a crushed kid over here wanting revenge on the bastards who killed his girlfriend.” “Problem solved, glad he is joining the family business.” Dom said and hung up. How the fuck was Tom going to explain to Parker that his grandpa arranged the hit?

“FUCK!!” Tom screamed smashing everything in sight.

Meanwhile, Parker made his way to the kitchen for a glass of water when he saw you sitting on the couch, consumed in your book.

“Hey mom?” Parker asked, needing to get something off his chest. “Yeah, honey,” you responded, drawing your eyes away from your book. “I need to tell you something.”

“I’m listening… wait what the fuck was that. Hold that thought.” You hesitated when you heard a large crash come from Tom’s office.

“Let me go check on your father,” you said, getting up from the couch. Parker couldn’t help but be curious. He followed her before she closed the door and listened in, pressing his ear against the door.

“Tommy, what happened?” You queried. “It was him,” Tom spoke with an unchanging expression. “Who, Carson?” “No, Dom. He arranged the hit,” Tom said.

Parker’s heart sunk to his stomach. His girlfriend was dead because of his family. He really did kill her.

Maybe he wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger but she was seen with him. As far as he is concerned it painted a huge red target on her back. What kind of life was he born into? He never wanted any of this and now all he is, is this.

Guns, Glamour, and Goodfellas Masterlist

Taglist: @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @dummiesshort

#tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom holland series #tom holland fanfic #tom holland mob au #tom holland au #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland blurb #mob!tom #mob tom #mob!tom holland #dad!mob!tom holland #mob!tom x mob!reader #mob!tom x reader #mob!tom holland x reader #dad!mob!tom

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queen-ofsunflowers · 3 years

Text

DadWorth AU: Part 3 (Justice For All)

Justice for All has to be one of the angstier parts of this AU, right up there with some ideas I have for Apollo Justice. Especially considering the whole Miles “chooses death” thing. So, let’s dive into it!

< Part 2 | Part 4 >

Reunion, and Turnabout

Things fast forward a couple of months after the end of Rise from the Ashes. Gumshoe’s been taking care of Kay since Miles kind of fucked off. He’s been doing his best, and so are Sebastian and Klavier -- who have been trying to cheer up their third musketeer ever since they found out what happened. But Kay is miserable.

So, now summer break is here for her, Gumshoe decides to take her out to the mountains for the day to get out in nature and hopefully get her mind off of things. Even if it is for a little while.

However, that plan is totally ruined when he gets a call about a murder nearby. He’s the only detective in the area, so they have to go down to Kurain Village to check it out. And that’s where they run into Phoenix for the first time since the end of Rise. Both he and Kay are not doing well in the aftermath of that case, and neither are really sure what to do around each other. Needless to say, the whole interaction is awkward.

Gumshoe does not pick up on this. He asks Phoenix if he could keep an eye on Kay while he takes care of the investigation. After some hesitation and deliberation, Phoenix agrees. So Kay becomes his partner button and Phoenix finally get to interact one-on-one with each other during the investigation for Reunion.

This is the first time they get to do this, since they were either with Maya or Ema on previous cases. It’s still a bit awkward, but when Phoenix finds out that she’s studying to be a defense attorney, things get a little bit easier as they find common ground.

Phoenix unknowingly starting to settle into a mentor role? Yes.

Kay is super turned off by Morgan Fey (getting chills up her spine and a faint memory of Dahlia Hawthorne -- she saw the Fawles trial. Phoenix also gets the same vibes from her.) And is surprisingly good with Pearl.

Her reaction to learning that Franziska is the prosecutor for this case catches Phoenix’s attention. Kay hasn’t heard from Franziska outside of a few text messages to check in on her over the past few months, so the fact that she’s in the country and Kay’s only finding out about it now makes her wonder what’s going on.

Kay goes to meet with Maya at the detention center with Phoenix, and kind of gets overly excited when she sees that Maya is channeling Mia because if you remember, she looked up Mia. Mia was an idol for her. So getting to meet her -- even if it is through spirit channeling -- is the highlight of her week.

And then we get to the trial. Phoenix asks Kay if she wants to stand co-counsel and Kay immediately jumps at the chance to say yes. So this is technically her first trial (she’s excited for it, but a little bit sad that Miles isn’t there to see her). Franziska, on the other hand, is surprised that Kay is standing at the defense’s bench with Phoenix Wright, leading to a lot of things including seeing Kay as a traitor (reason why will be explained later.)

So, Kay stands in for Pearl as co-counsel. As a result, her spirit channeling abilities are not revealed until much later. In the second trial day, she’s not present due to Gumshoe’s intervention and keeping her busy (something which Pearl agrees to so long as Kay and Phoenix get Maya a Not Guilty).

The investigation moments are full of small bonding moments between Phoenix and Kay as they get to know each other a bit better.

So, Team Wright-Faraday get a Not Guilty verdict as promised. Kay’s super proud of herself for managing to do this and it puts her on cloud nine. Franziska only believes that Phoenix won because he had a semi-competent co-counsel with him (Aunt Fran starting to show that she’s proud of Kay a little bit, but is still incredibly pissed that she lost.) Overall, she isn’t sure how to feel about Kay in that moment, and it all comes down to one simple reason:

This is the first time Kay has smiled in months. Everyone who knows her is relieved to see it back.

After the case is closed, Maya does thank Kay for helping and Kay in return does try to cheer her up after the whole “morgan stabbed maya in the back” thing starts to settle in. Am I saying Maya and Kay friendship? Maya and Kay friendship. It starts here.

So, things are starting to look a little bit better for Kay.

The Lost Turnabout

It’s not... Kay’s not involved in this one. Teenage shenanigans happen here as the new school year at Themis starts up.

The first day of school is always pretty easy, but it gets pretty depressing for Kay when one of her professors decides a good idea to break the ice by talking about some of the more ridiculous things that have happened in court cases. It gets the class laughing, and isn’t a bad idea...

Unfortunately for Kay, though, the professor also brings up a certain defense attorney cross-examining a parrot. The memory of that trial brings up a whole lot of feelings for Kay and she just kind of falls quiet for the rest of the day.

But luckily, Klavier and Sebastian have known Kay for a year now, and they realize something’s wrong. So they (primarily Klavier, since he instigates the whole thing) decide to do something about it and distract her. Here is where teenage shenanigans come about.

Just wholesome fun with what is slowly becoming a favorite chaotic trio that ends with everyone collapsed on a couch with an old movie playing in the background. ...and possibly a few appearances from other characters. Who knows?

Kay only finds out about Phoenix’s trial after the fact from Maya, and she’s not sure whether to be impressed that Phoenix managed to do all that with amnesia or laugh about it. She decides to do both.

Turnabout Big Top

It all starts with Phoenix going from ace attorney to ace babysitter as he’s in charge of four teenagers and one small child. Over the past few months, he’s gotten acquainted with Klavier and Sebastian as well, especially after the trio used the Wright & Co. Law Offices as their own personal hangout spot to get homework done and hide out when needed (thank you Kay).

The only reason Kay is brought on as co-counsel for this case is because a: its winter break so she doesn’t have school to worry about and b: the time frame is the same as when Miles was arrested the year prior. If Phoenix is having a rough time, then so is Kay. Especially since this will also be her first birthday since the whole incident. She’s also at Wright & Co. for the same reason when Maya calls up with the case.

This case is not the best distraction for Kay, but at least its something. Lesson learned: as a lawyer, you gotta take the good with the frustrating. Things get worse with Franziska prosecuting again. Kay still doesn’t get what’s up with her and why she’s still getting called a traitor.

The boys are also in on this case because why not, though they don’t stand as co-counsel but rather just help with the investigation. Because we all know that Kristoph and Blaise wouldn’t agree to them standing on the defense’s side, one more than the other.

Kay openly admitting to getting a headache while trying to figure out what the heck is actually going on during the first trial day. She grew up with the Master of Logic himself, so trying to make sense of this without all the information is making her head run in circles. But she’s not going to give up.

It’s revealed when Franziska confronts Phoenix & Co. outside of the lodging house later that day that the reason Franziska calls Kay a traitor is that she deliberately is siding with the man responsible for Miles’s “death”, something that she never thought Kay would do.

Kay never blames Phoenix for what happened to Miles. She mostly blames Gant (and von Karma somewhat) for it. They were the ones who pushed him, not Phoenix. So, when Franziska openly blames Phoenix for what happened, Kay gets pretty pissed.

When Phoenix and Maya continue their investigation, Kay goes to confront Franziska on that matter and just goes off. Months of bottled up emotions just kind of explode outward, and Franziska is the unfortunate target of it all. This blow-up is also the first time that Kay refers to Miles as her dad. Which hits pretty hard. Franziska starts regretting a few choices she’s made today. Klavier and Sebastian pull her away as she starts to break down.

So they just... let her cry it out in the circus’s cafeteria. They end up being the ones who find out about the incident with the lion (once Kay’s calmed down) rather that Phoenix and Maya. The story has them racing over to them, catching the duo just as they’re about to enter Acro’s room and things go about pretty much the same way they do canonically from there.

The next day is a bit hard, and its easy to pick up on the tension between Kay and Franziska here. Taking a page out of the anime, Kay, Klavier, a reluctant Sebastian and Maya recreating the crime for the entire court. She does feel bad about having to indict Acro, though, due to the circumstances surrounding everything.

Kay does a pretty good job, something which Gumshoe relays as a message to her, at the end of the trial, much to her surprise. Who else would be proud of her is something that she wants to know.

Meanwhile, Miles Edgeworth wonders how he’s going to tell his daughter that he’s still alive upon his return to the country. (and yes, he was the one who told gumshoe to tell kay that he was proud of her)

Farewell, My Turnabout

So, Kay at this point still doesn’t know that Miles is alive. He wants to get everything settled before he makes any grand reveals to anyone. He’s also still trying to figure out how to do it since that wasn’t supposed to happen. Kay wasn’t supposed to think he was dead. He told her that he was leaving, sure, but Kay was also half-asleep when he did. So, misunderstandings~

Meanwhile, Phoenix takes the girls (Maya, Pearl and Kay) to the Hero of Heroes Grand Prix. Kay’s gotten decently close to the members of Wright & Co. over the past few months, that much is clear by now.

Kay gets upset about Corrida’s murder because ya know. Jammin’ Ninja fan. She hopes that Engrade gets locked away for doing it. Maya thinks she just doesn’t like the Nickel Samurai, which isn’t that far off. Kay just doesn’t like Engarde thanks to reading Klavier’s tabloid magazines. She never gets to explain the contents of those magazines, though. Phoenix finds out about them later.

Things take a sharp turn when Maya is called to the front desk to answer her “call”. Kay goes with Maya because ya know. Buddy system. (”girls don’t let each other go anywhere alone, nick!” “*sigh* i will never understand teenagers...”) i think. you know. where this about to go--

So, yeah. Kay gets kidnapped alongside Maya. She puts up a pretty decent fight against de Killer (look at the people she was around growing up, Kay probably does know a little self-defense), but in the end, she still gets ‘napped. And so, Phoenix has to defend Engarde or the two girls will “disappear”.

Things are made worse, as Phoenix is accosted by two teenage boys who can’t get in touch with their third musketeer who didn’t show up for school that day. He’s just trying to do his job, but Klavier and Sebastian are really stubborn and will not leave him alone.

And everything gets worse when Miles makes his grand revival. And then is made the prosecutor for this case. So, Phoenix is not having a very good week at all.

Phoenix and Gumshoe are doing the best to keep the fact that the girls are being held hostage from Edgeworth and the boys. Emphasis on try. All three know that there’s something going on, but they can’t figure out what.

Meanwhile, Kay and Maya are in a wine cellar. Kay has tried several times to break down the door, but it hasn’t worked. de Killer took their phones, so they have no way of contacting the outside. They’re screwed unless they can escape.

Maya realizes that they do have a way to contact the outside and uses her spirit channeling powers to contact Mia, and with Kay’s help manages to explain what’s going on and giving a message to Mia to give to Phoenix.

So, Pearl finally reveals her spirit channeling powers. It freaks Phoenix out at first, but he gets over it quickly because at this point, he’s kind of used to Fey Family Weirdness.

The first part of the trial goes on as pretty much the same as it did before. Afterwards, Phoenix does his best to keep the fact that the girls are kidnapped from Miles because he’s gonna flip the fuck out. And he fails. And Miles kind of does flip out.

So, de Killer and Engarde (more so de Killer because he did his research, he knows the connection with Kay that Edgeworth has) have two pawns to work with and dangle over both the prosecution and defense. And now Edgeworth has two assistants on his side: Sebastian and Klavier, who don’t want to see Kay hurt. However, as future prosecutors, they can’t do much to help Phoenix. So, they help out with the investigation (and using the excuse as this being extra credit for anyone who asks why there are two teenagers here.)

On the other side, Maya and Kay break out of the room they were locked in thanks to a card Maya finds. Things go about as well as they do canonically, but with more struggle. Kay makes a fucking mess trying to defend herself and Maya from de Killer, which will later show the police that something definitely went down here (and concerning the heck out of a good handful of people in the process).

Kay may not know the truth about the Yatagarasu yet, but she sure is acting like the Yatagarasu.

The investigation goes about as well as you expect it to. Klavier and Sebastian are doing their best, but they can’t do much since they’re still only students. And Miles is worried as hell for Kay and ends up wanting to tear Engarde apart. Klavier is right to not like Engarde, as was Kay earlier.

When the trial starts up again, you have both the prosecution, the defense and a few members of the gallery nervous as hell. Gumshoe is doing his best to find the girls, but Miles and Phoenix still need to stall for time.

They do their best, but things are going about as well as they do canonically with Edgeworth being more on edge due to Kay being in danger. And the last time he saw her was when he left. So, he wants to be able to reconcile with her.

Things go on much like they do in canon. The note, Gumshoe’s accident, etc. Mia’s with Kay, doing her best to help, but she’s not sure what more she can do because the girls are weak and tired from being held captive for so long.

More worry on both parts.

When de Killer threatens to kill Maya and Kay when Edgeworth and Phoenix press him and try to get more time, Miles is also there to beg him to leave them alone. This is also the first time that Miles openly refers to Kay as his daughter.

Not much is different there out. They manage to expose Engarde as the asshole that he is, the girls are released and Engarde is declared guilty.

The scene with Franziska at the airport and Phoenix giving Miles the whip takes place a bit earlier, as that’s where Miles goes first before going to meet with Kay. Because he’s still trying to figure out how he’s going to talk to Kay again.

Phoenix and the others meet Maya and Kay at the hospital (Kay and Maya were held captive without much food or water for about three days, and Kay has a few minor injuries from de Killer, so they do need medical attention). Maya has a tearful reunion with Mia (as channeled by Pearl), and Kay gets tackled by her friends on both sides.

And then Miles Edgeworth walks into the room a short while later and Kay does not know what to say. She thought that he was dead for over a year, and a lot of things start bubbling to the surface. She starts tearing up because she thought she would never see Miles again, and he with her.

As soon as he gets close enough, Kay hugs him and calls him stupid in a couple different ways. Miles accepts it and apologizes for making her worry. He promises not to vanish like that again, and returns the promise that Kay made in part 2: to not keep secrets from her again.

So, what they didn’t get at the end of part 2, Miles and Kay finally get at the end of JfA: a chance to actually rebuild and reconcile their relationship without anything getting in the way.

So Justice for All ends on a pretty good note.

That may be the end of Justice for All, but it’s not the end of the story. There are still more ripples to come and fun shenanigans.

#ace attorney #ace attorney au #kay faraday #dick gumshoe #phoenix wright #maya fey #pearl fey #franziska von karma #miles edgeworth #sebastian debeste #klavier gavin #dadworth au #kay edgeworth au #queen speaks

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