#when that fic finally gets fucking written i promise ill write a fucked up chapter where canary snaps goes feral and kills people

[floorpancakes]

pondering the idea of drawing watanuki as luka in the tailor of enbizaka because watanuki doing Girl Horror and being driven mad by jealous misplaced paranoia and murdering a bunch of people because he thinks he's being cheated on then dressing up in all their clothes and then murdering doumeki sounds fun as a detached unrealistic juicy concept treat

#and YUUKO AS CONCHITA!!! #i am aware theres bigger context and a whole evilousverse but like i mean just within the contexts of the songs and vibes #i want to dress watanuki up in fancy outfits and make him play fun little roles every so often like an idol in a drama #bjdtanuki strikes again #ok but IMAGINE if watanuki murdered several people in a jealous rage #its not realistic but it would be fun to play with like smacking barbie dolls together #maybe i shouldn't be talking cause #despite my au being designed to be as in character but also self indulgent as possible #and being meticulously sorted out in my brain #i cant get the idea of a bad end verse out of my mind #the vn writer in me needs to see it #when that fic finally gets fucking written i promise ill write a fucked up chapter where canary snaps goes feral and kills people #canary is a complicated and fascinating old man beast and i think he is very hinged and definitely will not cause earth shattering anomalie #and death omens #anyways art idea #faffing about #xxxholic #i guess

[huge-enthusiast]

MIRACULOUS FIC RECOMENDATIONS!! (Part 2)

You can find part 1 here.

The first one was really popular! So I decided to make a second part.

The rules are the same:

All of the fics will be rated Teen and up audiences or lower. Also if I don’t put the author’s tumblr is because they didn’t put it in the fic or/and I couldn’t find it.

The only thing that changes is that I would be putting the pairing in the description of the fic.

Without further ado...

Written in the Stars by Boogum (@botherkupo here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Marichat and Adrienette.

He was the god of destruction. She was a princess whose kingdom had been prophesied to fall. To save her people, she became his wife. To save him, she would have to do the impossible. The castle has secrets, the gods are watching, and time is running out.

Chapters: 37/37

TW for mild violence.

Arrange marriage, God AU. While I'm making this list, I still haven't finished the fic, but I had to recommend it because is THAT good. The way I gasped out loud while reading some of the plot twists. The worldbuilding is so good, and even if you aren't into AUs that deviate a lot from cannon like me, I 100% reccomend it.

Need a Lift? again by Boogum.

Pairing: DJWifi

Getting stranded on a foreign planet sucked. Luckily for Nino, his rival was willing to give him a lift home. Unluckily for Nino, she was beautiful and funny and he might just be in love with her.

Chapters: 1/1

Space Bounty Hunter AU! Really sweet and funny. If you are into flustered!Nino then this fic is for you.

hey, you by peachcitt (@peachcitt here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

“Have you ever had a dream about someone that changes the way you think of them?”

or Adrien has a dream about Marinette.

Chapters: 1/1

Okay so, peachcitt is one of my favorite ml writers. Everything that they write is sooo good y'all, and i'm already a sucker for adrienette, so I cannot recommend this fic (or any of theirs) enough.

double dare again by peachcitt (I told ya!)

Pairing: Ladrien (with lots of sided ladynoir)

“Don’t ever do that again,” Marinette says, maybe a little too emphatically, and Adrien looks at her, his expression quiet. His cheeks, Marinette notices, are a little red.

“But I wanted to save you,” he says.

or Ladybug and Adrien can't seem to stop running into each other. (whether that is on accident or on purpose is nobody's business but their own, of course).

Chapters: 30/30

This was a ladrien june fic! Every chapter corresponds to the day's prompts but it also continues a story. If that doesn't make you want to read it then I don't know what it will. I fear fanfic writers, they're insane.

(not) so much by therentyoupay (@therentyoupayfanfiction here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Marichat and adrienette

(The claws are sharp, but the host of Destruction—for all of his loudmouth chaos and lack of reserve—is paradoxically careful.)

Chapters: 1/1

In which Chat Noir pays a visit not long after Marinette has made a pretty difficult decision, and they accidentally make a routine.

Prompt: Marinette gives Chat a hickey. Adrien has a suspiciously similar looking hickey the next day at school...

Gotta be honest with y'all, I did not expect this fic to be as good as it is. The adrienette has everything a stablished!Marichat should have. Marinette conflicted with her feelings? Check. Adrien being a hot mess bc That's My Girlfriend But She Doesn't Know That? Check. Them being absolute idiots? Check. It's good!

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News (Your Lips Is The Only Cure I Could Use) by BreG21.

Pairing: Adrienette

Rainwater sloshed up from the pools they had made on the sidewalk and coated his jean pants with every step he took. He couldn't bring himself to care.

He sniffed away some of the water that dribbled down his matted head. "Yeah?"

He paused as if to consider his words while Adrien stared down at him, so lost. "You weren't wrong when you thought you knew. A part of you wanted it to be her, but it was too perfect, you let the illusion fool you because how would you get that lucky. But trust me, Adrien. You weren't wrong."

He wasn't wrong? What was he not wrong about?

You weren't wrong. You want it to be her.

And it finally clicked as a small gasp wisped past his lips. He wasn't wrong.

In which, Plagg falls ill, and with Fu gone and Ladybug being the guardian now, has to go find her civilian self-even with the knowledge that she might not like that-is shocked to realize that even with having the kwami that was supposed to embodied the very being of bad luck, Adrien could conclude the very opposite of what he had thought for so long.

He was so very lucky.

Chapters: 1/1

I screamed so hard while reading this fic. It's just one of those who gets the characters right. Do you like a good reveal? Go read this now.

Operation Mega Sleepover by InTheWild (@smellerbeee here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

When Alya and Nino drop out of their long awaited mega-sleepover at the last minute, it leaves Marinette and Adrien alone together for the night. An Adrinette one-shot with lots of fluff and sleepover shenanigans.

Chapters: 1/1

I just,,, I love adrienette fluff so much,,, I love them,,,

You, Me & A Little Bit Of The Future by joonapeach.

Pairing: this is a fortunate case of all lovesquare shenanigans™

Marinette expects some disaster on her first outing alone with Adrien.

She just doesn't expect that disaster to be her future self passing off a baby for her to take care of with Adrien.

(Alternatively... two idiots obliviously in love cooing over their daughter while acting like they have no idea whose kid this is.)

Chapters: 1/1

I think the description says anything that it needs to be said. It's really sweet and funny and I love how they just change their minds so quickly and get emo for literally nothing. Peak shakesperean dumbasery.

The entire Marry That Girl series by Miraculous_Max (Maximilian_Alexander).

Pairing: Adrienette

Let’s say Marinette has a special sketchbook. This sketchbook is filled with drawings of their future house, of Adrien as an adult in multiple occupational settings, of Marinette and Adrien’s wedding, and most importantly, their future children.

Let's say Adrien found this sketchbook.

Works: 8 (All are 1/1 chapters)

Just realized how this list exposes me as number 1 adrienette sucker... oh well. I love how Adrien doesn't feel weirded out by the intensity of Marinette's crush. He likes it! He's as weird and romantic as her! That's one of the reasons I love the lovesquare so much and it makes me happy to see that everyone is in the same boat with me.

Strenght by 11JJ11.

Pairing: Adrienette

Marinette knew she was much stronger than she looked thanks to being a hero. So when her class had an arm wrestling contest she knew that she could beat all of them with ease, but she wasn't expecting anyone else to come close.

Chapters: 1/1

Good ol' accidental reveal feat. the entire class shenanigans. I, once again, screamed for an adrienette fic. Who could've thought.

Super Fan by Taliax.

Pairing: Ladrien

It was a good thing Alya was holding the phone and not her, because it would have slipped from her fingers and shattered. How had she not noticed? She had been there, and somehow she’d missed her crush looking at her like she was an angel sent from heaven.

Forget the perfume ad. This picture was going to be her new desktop.

(In which Marinette realizes that she and Adrien might both be obsessive fans.)

Chapters: 1/1

Canon divergent from after Gorizilla. They're so dumb. That's my opinion on this fic.

How to Kiss Your Crush in Five Minutes or Less also by Taliax.

Pairing: Ladrien

He just needed to know if Ladybug needed Chat Noir. He didn't expect to learn just how much she wanted Adrien.

This would be the best five minutes of his life, if he didn't expect her to forget it.

Chapters: 1/1

CW for making out.

Set during Desperada. I promise there's a happy ending. Also Luka is there for some reason, felt really bad for him.

Laying Down the Rules: The Gabriel Agreste Clauses by LadyKae

Gen

Adrien leaves the manor on a dark and stormy night and seeks sanctuary at the only place he feels safe: The Home of the Dupain-Cheng Family. When Sabine learns why her dear boy is fleeing to her home in the middle of the night, she makes a personal visit to one Gabriel Agreste.

There's more rules in play, but not for Adrien and Marinette.

Chapters: 1/1

This is just Sabine going to beat the fuck out of Gabriel and it's really satifying ngl

4am. by hannieks

Pairing: post-reveal lovesquare

In which Adrien has the cat tendency to wake up their owners at stupid o'clock, and Marinette just wants to sleep. Cuteness ensues.

Chapters: 1/1

Really short but really sweet. If you like Adrien acting like a cat then you would like this.

Can I Date You(r Character)? by midnightstarlightwrites (@midnightstarlightwrites here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

Adrien turned to her, something unreadable in his gaze. “Are you ok with this?” he asked.

And what a loaded question that was. Was she ok with it? Was she ok with the one guy she couldn’t seem to get over in real life kissing her in a game of Dungeons and Dragons? When she put it like that, it seemed a bit silly to get so worked up.

It was just a game...right?

She was ok with it, right?

“Sure,” she lied. “I’m ok with it.”

When Adrien's character falls in love with Marinette's, they decided to date in-game. What could go wrong?

Chapters: 7/?

THIS ONE IS SO CUTE. You want to scream??? Read this.

two idiots and a hamster by Boogum (again) and carpisuns (@carpisuns here on tumblr)

Pairing: Adrienette

How do you hide your superhero identity from your roommate? (spoiler alert: badly)

Chapters: 5/?

Once @anna-scribbles described this fic as "is literally the closest i’ve ever seen a fic come to matching the energy of canon", and I couldn't have described it better.

And that's all for now! Next time I will probably make an only DJWifi list since I've been treating them so dirty lol.

#miraculous ladybug #mlb #ml #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #ml fanfiction #miraculous fanfiction #ml fic rec #fic rec #miraculous fic rec #lovesquare #djwifi #ladrien #adrienette #marichat #ladynoir #lovesquare fic rec #miraculous ladybug fanfiction recomendation #adrienette fic rec #marichat ric rec #ladynoir fic rec #ladrien fic rec #chat noir #ladybug #fanfiction #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #gabriel agreste a+ parenting #gabriel agreste salt

[mortifyingideal]

hi!! what happened to loosely ballroom? i’m not trying to pressure y’all or anything i’m just curious!!!! i’m a huge fan of the fic and have been wondering abt it for a while now :o

hi!

so the short and silly answer is it’s sleeping and we mustn’t wake it before the alarm goes off (but there IS an alarm, and a back up alarm, and also a cat that will act as an alarm if it doesn’t get fed by a certain time)

the long and serious answer is that we first needed to take a hiatus because marginalia got incredibly busy with Real Life Work Stuff which needed a lot of attention and so we both thought hmmm maybe the fanfiction we write for free and post to the internet for fun can wait for a bit. she got through her work, and we were free to continue on!

i then basically cocked it all up by having a tiiiiiiiny, itsy bitsy mental breakdown as i have been in the final year of a three year art degree and I DON’T KNOW IF YOU HAVE TRIED COMPLETING A DEGREE DURING A PANDEMIC WHILE MENTALLY ILL BUT UHHHHHHHHH WOULD NOT RECOMMEND!

we love the fic and it’s important to us but, in the immortal words of Samatha Jones:

recognising that we needed the break we’ve had, both of us, has meant we’ve not pushed through for the sake of it and written something we resented. we are finishing it and it will be done, we just don’t want to come over all British Government about it and start making promises of dates as to when that will happen when we have no idea when we’ll both be in a position to work on it for an extended period of time. i will say that i am actually finished with my degree now, literally as of four days ago, so we’re both scrambling like QUICK QUICK GET TO WORK BEFORE SOMETHING FUCKING ELSE HAPPENS

our tentative plan is to blast through and write ALL remaining chapters before we start releasing them so we don’t end up needing another hiatus further down the line, but we shall see what happens when we have our Staff Meeting tomorrow (genuinely we have staff meetings about it because we are insufferable!!!)

i hope this clears things up for you a bit, and i hope you stick around for when we do finally manage to get it written! thank you for the ask, honestly we are both just so delighted that people are here for it. here, as a reward, have a sneak preview of the first draft of the next bit I sent marginalia today:

“Crowley felt like he'd been asleep for seven months, one week, five days and, oh, about seventeen hours.”

#loosely ballroom #quick quick slow burn: the fic #our fic #that line is a joke #or is it? #THANKS FOR WAITING PROMISE TO REWARD YOU #good omens #fanfic #answered asks

[phantaloon]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿)

omg thank you!! i appreciate this so much <3

it's not like I've written too many fics but here we go

Am I Screaming To An Empty Sky?- aftg. au canon divergent in which the ravens win the finals and neil is made a raven, while the foxes try to figure out a way to get him out before it's too late. it's pretty angsty and there's lots of trigger warnings but it's nothing out of the canon tw lol i enjoyed writing breakdown after breakdown far too much tbh

I Know I'll Be Leaving Soon: pjo verse. okay so i hate the start because literally 9 out of the current 13 (i promise I'm working on an update) chapters are written in first person pov, and i mean, it's not badly written, but I'll get to changing it to 3rd person at some point, cause it's so much fucking better. anyway it's a sick fic/terminal illness au, no powers au, lukercy because i was going through a phase when i started it and I'm committed to it now. it's a pretty sad story, but in a soft melancholic kind of way, but I'm still really proud of it, it's my baby, my darling wip that's been in the works since i was about 14 so yeah

my friends and I, we got a lot of problems - aftg. basically a friend said there weren't enough fics of kevin being protective over neil and this was the result. loved writing from kevin's pov, and yeah there aren't enough kevneil (platonic or romantic) fics about protective kevin <3

you don't know my heart (the way you know my face) - aftg. trans neil au, it's just my interpretation of some canon events but with trans neil, again prompted by the same friend as the last one ajsjdkd it was lowkey cathartic as neil worked through gender dysphoria and the struggles of canon, cause i may not be trans but well gender dysphoria just hits out of nowhere some times. really enjoyed writing this one because I'm tired of the fetishisation of ftm trans people <3

I Never Said I Loved You - aftg. i like to think this is really soft but it's also kinda angsty ajskdk post canon, in which the fbi takes down the moriyamas but someone retaliates against neil who ends up in the hospital for a while, meanwhile andrew struggles through the concept of love + some soft twinyards interactions, healing and hope :)

thanks for this anon! i enjoyed doing this far more than i thought i would

#writing #my writing #ask #answered #anonymous #aftg fic

[juuls]

Pinned: Writing Updates

Hiya folks! ^_^ With this new pinned post feature, I figured it would be a good spot to put updates on how my writing is going (or not). As most of you know, mental and physical illness and recovery keep me from writing either quickly or easily, and I know that bothers or puts off some of you. Believe me, I feel guilty a lot of the time I’m not writing, but I know that nobody wants me to feel like this is a job, that I should enjoy what I do, and I try my best to just relax and let the writing come to me. It has always been a grueling task for me, and my words fight me, but I choose to see this as a labour of love. Thank you, everyone, for your support (and for holding up my fragile, rebuilding, self-confidence/ego :P). Managing chronic pain and illnesses along with fairly rapid-cycling Bipolar II makes things a bit messy, but I keep pushing because writing (and you amazing readers) means so much to me. 💜

UPDATE September 4th: see below “Read More”

Previous update, August 21st: Still only about 2400 words into chapter 28 of Cross, and I deleted Hurricane due to reasons but will be working on it bit by bit to instead post it as a single-chapter fic later on when people aren’t so busy anymore. Means I can focus on Cross though, which is all people want from me anyway. S’all good! Looking forward to moving that story along anyway.

Still have @grlie-girl’s Mansom fic, which is an MTH-adjacent fic. But then that’s it! Then I’ll start back up on Deliverance, my Stuckony kidfic, and keep moving Cross along. :) I’ve also been doing quite a lot of brainstorming for my original fiction series, which will be a combo SciFi-Fantasy series with magic and tech both, along with an eventual triad relationship! I’m really excited for it, even if it takes me decades more to write. xD

Works in Progress:

Hanging From a Cross of Iron: Fem!Tony Stuckony, time travel and soulmate AU. Just posted chapter 27 on July 19th! Yay! I’m about 2400 words into chapter 28 and I’m forging ahead as mental and physical health allows. But I think... maybe before the end of August? Thank you, everyone, for your kindness and patience!

Stony MTH fic for @ishipallthings: Fem!Tony Stony, Pacific Rim AU. Natasha Stark/Steve Rogers (Earth-3490) Get Together fic. @sparkly-angell is awesome and helping me by being a soundboard and beta. 5-15k. Will post it all together at a later date instead of chapter by chapter.

Deliverance: Stuckony kid fic, post-Avengers but in the alternate timeline that occurs after Avengers: Endgame. Have not forgotten about this, but it dropped in priority once I sorta over-committed myself to MTH, whoops. I’ll be back to this, though. :)

Gift fic for @grlie-girl, Mansom: (Marta/Ransom) from Knives Out. Dirty, filthy, femme!Domme Sugar Mama post-canon oneshot. I may need a second account to post this pile of filthy hot lava. ;)

Recently Finished Works:

Thread Work: Stuckony wingfic featuring Tony’s sister Darcy, written for MTH.

Ten Days: PepperStuckony bodyguard AU written for MTH for @tehroserose and @astudyinsolitude-writes.

Bad: a ShockStuckony get-together, meddling matchmaker Darcy fic, written for MTH.

I will try to keep this up to date but sometimes I’ll forget. Check back occasionally to see if I’m any closer to updating! I love all of my readers and commenters, and am so blessed to have you choose to read my work. Thank you so much. So so much. I’m sorry for the wait, but I’m a comeback kid, I promise. Sending love, and be safe and healthy and good to those around you.

Love, <3 Juulna

UPDATE September 4th: I’m going to put up a separate post, probably, but what’s going on is this... I obviously have Bipolar II and have learned to ride the ups and downs pretty well in recent years, even if some things still surprise me on occasion. But what I’ve never been able to properly treat or learn to deal with is anxiety. I’ve always had GAD (general anxiety) but it’s been untreated since I had so much other shitty health to focus on. Prioritization, right? And I needed all my faculties to not end up dead at the hands or by the gun of my ex. Then, after I left, I was making strides in recovering from the severe abuse and trauma at my ex-husband’s hands, sharp tongue, and actions from July 2017 until... well, it’s still an ongoing process, but this whole year, part of 2019 too, has been a lot better on the healing front. The strides I was making helped me focus on things other than my anxiety, but after dealing with those things, the anxiety started crawling insistently in.

Didn’t help that I finally felt up to checking out what was going on in the world more often. And it’s been good for me, it has... in that I’ve become better educated in the awfulness of the world, which has allowed me to call out racists, ‘Truthers’, and other asshole bigots who remind me of my ex. The downside of all that is that I am way over-empathetic and am appalled at the absolute.... *makes incoherent helpless noises*... just, appalled at EVERYTHING. And I am afraid. And worried. And angry. And a slew of other words that I’m sure every one of you get. You’re all intelligent; you know what’s going on in the world.

And sometimes I devolve into apathy, sometimes sleepless nights (I get about 16-20 hours of sleep a WEEK right now, which should be in the 40-60 hour range, frankly), increased pain on top of the fuckton I’m already in, worsening migraines, dizziness, and the intrusive thoughts of my bipolar depression keep telling me there’s an easy way out of this all. That’s when I knew I needed to do something. So sitting down with my loving father and my caring psychotherapist, I put together a list of my symptoms, what I wanted to tackle most, what I was willing to let go, how all of it interacted (cocktail medications, which I’m already on, can be dangerous and deadly), and then put together a proposal for my doctor, who’s been my family practitioner for two decades.

When you hit the point of panic attacks weekly, and not being able to sleep, even with a double dose of your sleep medication... when you don’t want to watch the things that bring you some modicum of joy for fear of aspects reminding you about the real world... when you wish you simply didn’t exist anymore... you need help. I needed help, and I won’t shy away from discussing that in a public setting, for the simple fact that someone who reads this might need to hear that it’s not the end all be all, not the end of the line, not the end of your life. So with the support of my father and my therapist, who I spoke to last night and this morning, respectively, in advance of my doctor’s appoint this afternoon... My doctor listened attentively to me and gave me permission to go on benzodiazepines again. I will be taking one daily, the one that doesn’t have nearly as great a spike of effect, but lasts longer and steadier, and will also be taking the other, spikier one, as the equivalent of a rescue inhaler for the next panic attack.

I’m not trying to hide from what’s going on in the world. But there is a line I need to learn to respect in how much news I look for, how I consume it, and how I let myself run away with myself at any injustice I see. And fuck, there is a lot. I will still be keeping abreast of the news, still educating myself, still engaging in discussions with people I trust to be kind to my mental state as best they can in the situation, and other things. This will simply make it so I don’t devolve into an incoherent mess of a breakdown/panic attack, and most importantly it will keep me from suicide. It’s never been much of a threat for me, but lately...? Let’s just say I am a bit more concerned than usual.

Gotta love brains, eh? Mental illness sucks. But this is one way I can take control. Other ways include the Nutrisystem diet I recently started, going for regular walks with my pupper and dad, reading 42 Sci-Fi/Fantasy books and counting in 2020, breathing exercises, removing harmful elements from my life even if that pains me in the moment... I’m making progress in other areas.

But what does this mean for my writing? Well. Good question. The last few times I took the stronger of these two medications (on a more daily, vs rescue, basis), well, I didn’t write hardly at all. I have hopes for being able to write during this, with the more steady medication, but I also have to feel happy to write, and the state of the world isn’t going to give me much opportunity to feel that for months yet, if not years (go and goddamn vote)... so yeah. But I realized that I don’t put myself first in big ways like this. And this time I need to. If the writing happens, that’s wonderful. If it doesn’t? Well, I’ll settle for less anxiety and not being dead, and I hope that that’s okay with y’all. I know it’s frustrating when a favourite author takes ages to update, and I’ve always been fairly guilty of that... but you all know that I ALWAYS come back. That’s what I do. I love this community, this fandom, my beta, my readers... you make it all worth coming back to.

So please, all I ask is that you be patient with me. I’m experiencing a pretty severe mental health crisis and not holding on too solidly. But I’m thinking of you. Thinking of all of you, and just how much I appreciate you.

With love,

Juulna / Meg

#my writing #stuckony #stucky #stony #female tony stark #hanging from a cross of iron #deliverance #firecracker #marvel trumps hate #updates #status update #masterpost #of a sorts #hurricane #mth 2019

[madeofsplinters]

Playlist Notes: “Strike Me Down; I Am Unarmed”

Continuing my series - I’m gonna write “liner notes” for all my fic playlists eventually.

Listen along: [Spotify | YouTube]

Fic for this playlist is “Strike Me Down; I Am Unarmed” on AO3. If you haven’t read the fic, be aware this does not work as a general character playlist for Vader or Tarkin (or Daala, who also gets a few songs); it’s specifically a playlist describing the events of this particular AU fic.

Halestorm - The Reckoning

You made a mess outta me Where do I begin? You'll pay for your sins

We don't ever see Vader killing Palpatine onscreen in this story, but this story is all about Vader having killed Palpatine, so I couldn't resist starting with my favorite Revenge Song...

Billie Eilish - bellyache

My V is for Vendetta Thought that I'd feel better

The story actually begins with Vader waking up in his tank, beginning to recover from the injuries he sustained mid-revenge. His triumph hasn't fully sunk in, and he's confused, ill, and generally a mess. Wasn’t this big, dramatic revenge supposed to solve everything?

Billie Eilish - you should see me in a crown

Watch me make 'em bow One by one by one

It's a total gimme! It's on everyone and their dog's villain playlist already! Am I putting it on my villain playlist anyway? Heck YES. (In my original brainstorming notes for this story, when it talks about Tarkin having to wear Imperial robes now instead of his military uniform, it literally just says "you should see me in a crown dot gif")

Poppy - Fill the Crown

You can be anyone you want to be You can be free, you can be free

This is the song for the earlier chapters of the story, where Vader is blundering around trying to figure out how to be Emperor, while knowing in the back of his mind that Emperor and Sith Master is not actually what he wants to be. The sheer cognitive dissonance of this song is lovely - one voice promising a bright, happy future, much like Tarkin's optimistic view of what's in store for Vader now, while the other one meanders in and out promising atrocities and pain.

DIAMANTE - Sleepwalking

I feel you in my dreams You're everywhere, you won't go easily

Vader, dreaming of Palpatine's ghost.

laye - likefck

Wantin' you is evil When it's hard to have you here

This song is about the loneliness of a long-distance relationship with a wealthy, powerful, neglectful man. I heard it at just the right (wrong?) time, so now it's Daala's song, while she’s exiled to the Maw Cluster and waiting for a word from Tarkin. (But of course, in this fic, she isn't going to stay there...)

Icon For Hire - Supposed to Be

I fear now There's not much left of me When you take the sick away Who am I supposed to be?

The sheer dissonance of Vader trying to be Emperor inevitably leads to a mental breakdown. Now that Palpatine is gone, the natural impulse is to recover somehow from the things Palpatine did to him. But when evil and sickness are as thoroughly baked into someone's life as they are into Vader's, what does recovery even look like? Where do you begin?

Evanescence - Imperfection

I'm gonna save you from it Together we'll outrun it Just don't give into the fear

Tarkin comforting Vader during his mental breakdown, promising they'll fight the ghost that haunts him together. This song is probably too effusive and out of character for Tarkin but I just love it so much. (Spotify informs me that it was my #1 most-listened-to song during the hellyear of 2020.) That little growl on the "don't you dare surrender" in the last chorus. Fuck yes. Fave.

Beth Crowley - Empire

So fear me or love me It's all the same

This song was supposed to be about Game of Thrones, but too bad, it's mine now and it's Tarkin's song (as he sorts through Palpatine's effects and resolves to be an even better Emperor than his predecessor.)

Little Mix - Monster In Me

Why don't we kill each other slowly? What can I say? Baby, what can I do? The monster in me loves the monster in you

Most of these songs give a particular character's perspective at a particular time, but this one is the theme song of the whole, sad, evil polycule. <3

Halsey - Strange Love

And everybody wants to know 'bout how it felt to hear you scream They know you walk like you're a god, they can't believe I made you weak

This song works pretty well for Daala processing some thoughts about Tarkin, the secrecy and scandal and power imbalance of their relationship now that it's become something they can talk about in public, and what she does or doesn't owe to anyone involved.

DIAMANTE - Ghost Myself

If I could build a fire and burn down my life That would be the one thing I got right

Vader's suicidal ideation, set to a catchy beat. ("Ghost," used as a verb here, is already suppoesd to be a pun but considering the role of Palpatine's ghost in this story, it's now a triple entendre. Wheeee.)

In This Moment - The Beginning - Interlude

I am the moon and the sun that you bask in I am the name written on your grave

Just a creepy little overture as the characters approach Exegol and prepare to deal with whatever spooky Sith Ghost bullshit they find there. Vader’s ghost, whispering to him.

Delain - Masters of Destiny

I am the dreamer I roll the dice and I'm alive My hands aren't tied

This song and the next two make sort of a trio in my head, all intertwined with each other, all taking place at almost entirely the same moment, or at least in the same scene. In terms of what order Vader figures things out in the story, maybe it should go later; but in terms of making the trio work musically, when I listen to it in order, it goes first. This song is Vader feeling trapped by destiny and by the plans that have been made for him, only to finally realize he isn't trapped at all.

Beast In Black - Unlimited Sin

Swallowed by blind rage Once pure, now bloodstained Evil flows through your black veins

This is, obviously, The Palpatine Song. (UnLiMiTeD pOwEr!!111) It's goofy as fuck. It makes me giggle and bounce around. It almost doesn't belong in this playlist because of how goofy it is. But, even if Palps himself turns out to be really and truly dead, this is the part of the story where Vader comes face to face with his legacy and his impact on Vader's life. And I think the goofiness... sort of works, in a weird way. Even when he is rightfully dead and gone from the narrative, chances are good, Sheev Palpatine is still cackling at you.

In This Moment - Roots

I'm stronger than I ever knew I'm strong because of you

"Songs where women thank their abusers for toughening them up" is an entire genre and I have extremely mixed feelings about it, but In This Moment's approach is sufficiently ambivalent and angry that it works for me. This is Vader coming to terms with his feelings about Palpatine. He'll never not be someone who was shaped by what Palpatine did to him, even with Palpatine dead. But he can claim a strength and a freedom and even a defiance within that.

Lauren Jauregui - Invisible Chains

Keep running, on my way, I can see the light Got a hundred miles left and I'm feeling like I might stay alive

Closing credits. This is a song about working through trauma and mental illness and at last finding a glimmer of hope, and it's the soft little heart of this story. That last cry of "I already saved myself," like it's a revelation to the singer as well as the listener. God I just love it.

#fic playlist

[tackletofset]

list of best tom/harry fanfic

Uuummmm…. Okay

*is actually excited*

Tomarry Fic Rec List

Disclaimer: Mind that this is my version of favorite Tomarry fanfics and I might have missed some others doesn’t mean that they’re less phenomenal.Also, the list is by random order.

Click on the titles for links :3

Don’t Fuck With Florists (They’ll Fuck You Up) by MayMarlow

Teen And Up | 13944 words | No Archive Warnings Apply | One-Shot | Completed

Characters: Tom Riddle, Harry Potter, Mr Borgin

Relationships : Harry Potter/Tom Riddle

Summary: Unsatisfied with his post-war life, Harry decides to get to the root of all of his problems when that root was still working at Borgin and Burkes shop in the late 40s. He’s the Master of Death, damn it, he can do what he wants for once in his life.Tom Riddle isn’t particularly happy about working at a small, dingy shop for magical artifacts, no matter how interesting those artifacts are. He’s even less happy when an insufferable stranger sets up the most obnoxious flower shop right across the street.What follows would be a romantic comedy, if it weren’t for politics.

My notes: I love this fic because of the political undertone, and not-so-subtle reference for Trump. I love how Harry could sway Tom’s from being a Dark Lord into Minister for Magic. If you like dark humor you’d enjoy this fic ;)

Rumpelstiltskin by Gallons_of_the_Stuff

General | 8884 words | No Archive Warnings Apply | Chapter 2/4 | Ongoing

Characters: Merope Gaunt, Tom Riddle Sr., Tom Riddle, Harry Potter, Fem!Harry Character

Relationships : Merope Gaunt/Tom Riddle Sr., Harry Potter/Tom Riddle

Summary: He was all she ever wanted, and she knew exactly how she could have him - even if it would not be real. Then a stranger made her an offer she could not refuse, for a price that seemed like a joke at the time. Was it really just a teasing remark though? Or would her deal cost her more than she ever wanted to give up?

My notes: This is how Merope/Tom Sr relationship goes without a love potion. Merope is aided by Fem!Harry who ‘only’ asks for her firstborn in return.

The Dark Serpent and The Dark Horse by Kaede Ravensdale

Mature | 104187 words | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Chapter 40/? | Ongoing

Characters: Tom Riddle Sr., Tom Riddle, Harry Potter

Relationships : Tom Riddle Sr. & Tom Riddle Jr, Tom Riddle/Harry Potter, Tom Riddle Sr./Severus Snape

Summary: In which Tom Riddle Senior never could fully put Merope’s claims of being pregnant out of his mind and set out to bring his child home, unwittingly changing the fate of both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds and laying waste to the machinations of a certain scheming old man.

My notes: THIS IS LIKE BY FAR, MY MOST FAVORITE TOM RIDDLE FIC EVER!!! LIKE, EVER!!! THIS IS SO PHENOMENAL! I mean Tomarry + TomSr/Jr bonding is perf Spoiler! Tom is related to the Targaryens in this fic.  Baby Tom gets the Father’s love that he deserves. Also openlymanipulative!Dumbledore and Slytherin!Harry. Best ever. I hope the author will update soon before my head starts flooding with imagines of this fic, such as Tom Sr. stands in between the little Tom (and Harry, so he’s protecting them both) and the killing curse (a curse probably by Grindelwald or Dumbledore). Also, now I like to listen to Targaryen theme music while musing about Tom Sr :3 I also imagine him trying to ride a dragon for the first time, awkwardly in muggle clothes while his son watches in awe. Him riding a dragon to a war against Grindelwald, also arriving in Hogsmeade alongside his son bringing dragons :3 ahh the Tomgaryens.

Little Red Riding Hood by BigJellyMonster (orphan_account)

Teen and Up | 1256 words | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Oneshot | Completed

Characters: Harry Potter, Tom Riddle

Relationships : Harry Potter/Tom Riddle/Voldemort

Summary: Harry has to deliver a basket of treats to his neighbors on the other side of the forest. He was told never to talk to strangers. Too bad he doesn’t listen.

My notes: Very cute Harry. Manipulative Tom. Fluff. Definitely should read.

I Speak Parseltounge by BigJellyMonster (orphan_account)

General | 1602 words | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Oneshot | Completed

Characters: Harry Potter, Tom Riddle

Relationships : Harry Potter/Tom Riddle

Summary: Tom keeps hitting on Harry in parseltounge but he doesn’t know that Harry speaks it too.

My notes: Another light fic. Sneaky Harry. Reccommended!

Pass the salt, Daddy by DarkkBluee

Not Rated | 1569 words | No Archive Warnings Apply | Oneshot | Completed

Characters: Harry Potter, Tom Riddle | Voldemort, James Potter, Lily Evans Potter, Tom Riddle Sr., Thomas Riddle, Mary Riddle, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin

Relationship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Summary :Tom and Harry have a family dinner.“Daddy, can you pass the salt?”Or not.Seven pairs of eyes swivel in his direction.

My notes: Harry has seven Daddies. Nuff said.

Meeting the Parents by temptresslove

Teen and Up | 4113 words | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Oneshot | Completed

Characters: Harry Potter, Tom Riddle, Lily Evans Potter, Tom Riddle Sr., James Potter, Narcissa Black Malfoy

Relationship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle/Voldemort, Harry Potter & Tom Riddle, Harry Potter & Tom Riddle | Voldemort

Summary :“It’s nice to finally meet you, Tom,” Lily says with a big smile. “I’ve heard so much about you.”Beside her, Harry noticeably stiffens.“Oh?” Tom asks, one eyebrow raised elegantly, looking at Harry amusedly. “Only good things, I hope.”“Oh yes,” Lily gushes. “Very good things, indeed.”Harry grabs Lily by the arm that almost hurt and smiles at her tightly. “Mom, shouldn’t you be going to Headmaster Dippet’s office by now?” The way his grip threatened Lily made her grin even larger.

My note: Another oneshot I really, really like! This is an omegaverse, fluff, very cute Tomarry interactions. I like how they write the relationships to their parents as well. Love this one.

To Be Set Free by Merrinpippy

Teen and Up | 35831 words | No Archive Warnings Apply | Chapter 14/14 | Completed

Characters: Harry Potter, Tom Riddle, Dudley Dursley, Petunia Evans Dursley, Vernon Dursley, Tom Riddle Sr., Albus Dumbledore, Gellert Grindelwald, Dobby, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Bartemius Crouch Jr., The Brazilian Boa Constrictor (Harry Potter), Lucius Malfoy, Dolores Umbridge

Relationship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle,

Summary : Harry Potter, raised and abused by the Dursleys ever since his parents died, lives in the cupboard under the stairs. He has no friends or family who love him and his life is dull until one day a letter arrives arrives for him, written in green ink, that promises freedom. Sounds familiar, right?King Thomas Riddle’s illness combined with his political paranoia pushes him to arrange three royal balls, after which his son, Prince Tom Riddle, must choose a guest to marry, thereby securing the kingdom’s future and solidifying their strength in the eyes of their allies/enemies. Tom is convinced that he will be able to defy his father and choose no-one, or at least he is until at the first ball he meets an attractive stranger with dark hair and glasses who won’t tell anyone his name…

My notes: A really sweet Cinderella AU! You’d love the chemistry between Tomarry here.

Ice Cream Stalker by Watermelonsmellinfellon

Teen and Up | 750 words | No Archive Warnings Apply | Oneshot | Completed

Characters: Tom Riddle, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger

Relationship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle,

Summary : @vertibirdo on Tumblr Prompted: Yo, would you be up to doing some Tomarry non-magic Modern AU? Something cute?

My notes: A lighthearted, fluff AU. Love it, and how Hermione’s helping Tom to approach Harry.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker by Watermelonsmellinfellon

Teen and Up | 1948 words | No Archive Warnings Apply | Oneshot | Completed

Characters: Tom Riddle, Harry Potter, Nagini

Relationship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle,

Summary : Nagini acts as a messenger for Harry and Tom, carrying insulting messages between the Slytherin dungeon and Gryffindor Tower. Eventually, Nagini gets bored and starts making up stuff, and the messages just become confusing. Nagini becomes a matchmaker. Unwittingly.

My notes: Tomarry shippers are Nagini.

Diablerie by Oceanbreeze7

Teen and Up | 156584 words | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | Chapter: 22/25 | Ongoing

Characters: Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Tom Riddle, Harry Potter, Order of the Phoenix, Hogwarts Students, Hogwarts Staff, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Albus Dumbledore

Relationship: Harry Potter & Tom Riddle,

Summary : Moody reclined in his chair, his prosthetic scratched over the floor. “What year is it, Riddle.”It wasn’t phrased like a question, maybe that was why Tom finally answered.“September.” Tom clipped out coldly. “1942. You know this.”’Harry inhaled so sharply he choked on his spit. He hurriedly turned away, hacking and wheezing as he nearly asphyxiated on his own saliva.“Yeah,” Moody grimaced with a slight disgruntled noise hidden in his tone, “that’s a problem.”

Tom Riddle, 15 years old, in the middle of the London Blitz suddenly finds himself in a future with no allies, resources, information, and everyone he knows treats him with enough restraint to not murder him on the spot. It takes a lot to truly ruin a human being, to rot them so thoroughly even fruit flies avoid the stench. Tom doesn’t want this bullshit, Tom only wants to-‘Please God, let me live.

My notes: I haven’t finished reading this one, but it’s really good. This fic could capture the terrifying essence of devastation of war and death. It contains a graphic and detailed description about Tom trying to survive in the blitz, so it’s not for those who aren’t into those heavy materials.

#anonymous #tomarry #pottermort #tom riddle #tom marvolo riddle #harry potter #harry james potter #tom riddle sr #tom riddle senior #fanfiction #wwhp #wizarding world #tomarry fic rec list #slytherin harry #yespapa #yeslord

[courtneytarynofficial]

**My Self Rec Post!**

Hey guys! This is my post recommending my own stories that I feel you should check out! I don’t have a ton, so I’m just going to list all of them.. lol

I do have other stories I’m planning on writing as well, so if any of these peak your interest, definitely keep checking back for more!

**AS A WARNING: Most of my fics are pretty angsty/whumpy (that’s why I included the gif above haha)...I’ll add TW’s per story as a recommend though! So don’t worry!

Please, I hope you’ll enjoy! :)

My Multi-Chapters:

1- I’m Not Okay

Rated T - 16 chapters - 43,966 words - COMPLETE.

Summary- They stopped the apocalypse. Unfortunately for Klaus, that didn’t mean things would change for the better. Even though he felt he put forth his best efforts, his family evidently did not. When withdrawal symptoms bare down hard on Klaus, his family doesn’t seem to notice. Or, they simply don’t care. When time goes on and his symptoms only seem to get worse, Klaus is suddenly faced with the harsh realization that maybe this is more than just withdrawals...maybe he’s not okay.

TW: Major Character Death/Vomiting/Withdrawal/Terminal Illness/Cancer

NOTES: This was the first story I wrote for this fandom and the first story I had written in 10 years. It’s a little rusty, but overall I am extremely proud of this! (Warning though, it is pretty sad.) Hopefully all of the tender family bonding moments help offset all of the sadness!

————

2- The Only Hope For Me Is You (Sequel/Alternative Timeline to I’m Not Okay)

Rated M - 20 Chapters - 104,404 words - **UPDATE** NOW COMPLETE

Summary- What if Dave never died in Klaus's arms? What if instead, he convinced Klaus to quit taking drugs while still in 1968; 'Causing him to start his withdrawals while he was still in Vietnam. If Klaus was too sick to fight, he and Dave would have never made it to the front lines. Meaning they discovered Klaus's cancer sooner—Was it soon enough to save his life?

TW: Major Character Death/Cancer/Vomiting/Withdrawal

NOTES: This story was my way to solve the ending in its predecessor. Just know that with this one—Not everything is always as it seems! You’ll know what I mean when you read the final chapter! Still sad, but adding Dave into the mix adds a lot of opportunity for tender moments, too! I personally prefer this one over I’m Not Okay. This one can be read as a stand alone piece, but it is technically a sequel!

————

3- What I Never Knew I Always Wanted

Rating: T - 13/17 Chapters - 89,373 words - INCOMPLETE (See notes!)

Summary: Klaus always knew he was a fuck up; a low life good for absolutely nothing drug addict. He’d made plenty of mistakes in his life, and he accepted it. But when his casual Tuesday fling winds up pregnant and doesn’t want the baby, Klaus can’t just abandon it...can he?

Klaus’s entire perspective on life changes when that sweet, innocent bundle of joy gets placed into his hands. In that moment Klaus knew he needed to change. He needed to be a better person, he needed to be there wholly for his daughter.

His past mistakes needed to be just that: Mistakes from his past; his present and future now solely revolved around keeping his precious baby girl happy, healthy and safe.

TW: Withdrawal/Ghosts/Mentions of Drug and Alcohol abuse/ Mentions of Past Physical Abuse/ Mentions of attempted Suicide

NOTES: This is a daddy!Klaus fic! My first attempt at major fluffy-ness (and I feel that I shockingly succeeded with this! It’s a miracle! Lol) but don’t let the adorable baby subject matter throw you, it is my story, there’s still plenty of angst! 13 of 17 chapters have been posted, but I’ve already written 14 chapters and I have them all entirely planned out already! I write every day guys, and I post every week, so you’ll never have to worry about me not completing a story. If I publish it, it’s getting finished. I promise!!

**This is my personal favorite story of mine I’ve written!**

I also have decided that this story will be part of a series with additional one shots that look into special little moments in their lives and there will be a SEQUEL for this one as well! :)

My One Shots:

1- Wore My Heart Out On A Chain Around My Neck (And Now It’s Missing)

Rated: T - 4,476 words - COMPLETE

Summary: Klaus would hold onto Dave’s dog tags; clutch them firmly within his palms and run his fingertips over the cool stainless steel memorabilia, cherishing the sensation of Dave’s name carved within the insignia against his skin. This was all that he had left of him; his only tether to Dave left in this world—his most treasured possession.

Or, Dave’s dog tags break, and so does Klaus.

TW: PTSD/Brief description of past drug and alcohol abuse/ Underlying health problem/Hinted Major Character Death

NOTES: This is my first installment for my Bad Things Happen Bingo card. Prompt: Most Treasured Possession Destroyed. This one I really went for it you guys, I’m extremely proud of how it turned out. There’s an unexpected twist to make this prompt all the more heart wrenching! I hope you’ll enjoy it!

2- Their Secondhand Smoke

Rated: T - 5,821 words - COMPLETE

Summary: Had he been in his right mind perhaps he would have realized his mistake, recognized the fact that the absolute worst thing to do when faced with a grease fire is to throw water on it, but unfortunately his brain was muddled by an abundance of drugs.

Instantly the flames expanded, reaching higher towards the rafters as it engulfed the entire kitchen in fire.

TW: Heavy drug use/Vague OR referenced sexual actions/Being trapped

NOTES: This is my second installment for my Bad Things Happen Bingo card. Prompt: Trapped in a burning building. This one is a bit of a scary subject matter as you could imagine guys! I tried to delve into the fear aspect and also somehow squeeze some tender stuff in.

**I plan on having a blackout card for my bingo! So if you like these, definitely keep checking back on AO3!

**My Username is TwistedIllusions**

Thanks for checking these out! If you read any of them, I would absolutely love to hear from you! So feel free to leave me a comment with your thoughts and opinions if you’d like! I sure would adore it!! ❤️

@tuafeedbackfest

@alltuafeedbackfest

#the umbrella academy #tuafanfiction #tua ao3 #tua netflix #tuafeedbackfest #tua fanfic #tua fandom #klaus hargreeves #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #fanfics #tua fanfiction reccomendations #fanfiction #tua klave #tua klaus #tua dave #tua #alltuafeedbackfest

[smutandfluffohmy]

Hearts and their owners

From: Smutandfluffohmy Character Parings: Peter Pan X Reader Warnings: Mentions of death. Cursing. Angst? Request: Since you’re asking for valentines day requests, can you do a story where (OUAT) peter’s evil deeds have finally caught up to him, and his blackened heart is dying and the reader has to split her and Peter’s hearts so she can Gove him half of her pure heart, but has to take half of Peter’s dark heart. When Peter realizes what the reader has done he’s completely blown away that anyone would be willing to give him something so pure and take part of his darkness into themselves. Word count: 1.6K (ahhhh I need to start writing longer fics) A/N: If you guys ever have any criticism about my writing of any kind please let me know! I’m always open to positive and negative feed back anddd you can be ruthless if you like. I’ve been writing fanfic online for years I can take it XOXO

Peter looked ill it was almost like you were seeing him through murking glass, him and everything around him look gray. No matter how much you insisted that he may be ill he brushed it off as a fever. But in all of your time in Neverland you learned that Peter Pan never gets sick.

“How are you feeling?” You asked wringing the edge of the blanket you had in your hands, slowly walking up to him fearing quick motions would make him throw up like he has been all morning.

“I'm great it's just food poisoning.” Peter said struggling to get off the bed his face twisting into pain, striding towards him you beaconed him back down.

“Yea maybe it’s was last nights diner.” You said pretending you didn’t notice Peter throw his food away and walking into the woods. “You should stay in bed you’ll feel better getting some rest.” You whispered to him pushing his hair to the side feeling his forehead for a temperature.

Peter simply nodded and sunk back down into bed, tucking him in with a extra blanket. Walking away from him you made your way to the books he had in his shelves looking for anything that may help you figure out what was wrong with Peter.

The rhythmic breathing coming from Peter’s sleeping body was the only thing that eased your mind as you flipped through the thick book in your lap.Each hour the color seemed to drown out of Peter’s face, he looked pale but he felt hot whenever you touched him. It seemed that every time you looked up from the book in your hands a new vein appeared on Peter’s face.

Roots of purple and green being scattered across Peter’s sleeping frowning face. Shutting the book you looked at Peter convinced that if you just started the veins would stop appearing, the color would creep back into his face. You stared at him without blinking waiting and praying your Peter would come back but he didn’t, the veins still appeared and the color kept draining no matter how hard you looked.

Determined you feverishly read through the books he had looking for answers as to why Peter was sleeping for hours. Flipping open a new book you read every word carefully, afraid to skip over any vital information that may help Peter.

‘Hearts and their owners’

The title stuck out. Flipping open to the chapter you read through it as your face twisted in confusion and horror as you read through the chapter carefully just as how you have the others.Symptoms of a dying heart and the effects it has on the person written in neat print letters, almost too pretty and deceiving of its true contents. Every symptoms checked and applied to Peter no matter which way you twisted it.

You flipped through the chapter trying to find a way to reverse and cure Peter, your search was cut short as a awful sound left Peters mouth. Snapping your head up you were greeted with Peter throwing and thrashing inside the covers as he gasped for breath scratching at his chest. Your blood ran cold as you made your way towards him, the scene unfolding in front of you in slow motion. Your feet felt like cement was poured into them when you weren't looking, taking Peters’ hands in yours you beckoned for him to look at you.

“Peter please wake up. It’s just a bad dream.” You pleaded with him pulling his hands towards you and away from his chest. His eyes shot open looking up to you, his green eyes were the only thing that still looked like Peter. His same mischievous eyes seemed to be cut and pasted into a sad drained face.

“Fuck I guess it all caught up to me finally.” Peter said with a tired and goofy smile that made your heart melt. You let go of your tight grip on his hands and instead softly rubbed your thumb against his knuckles.

“What did.” You whispered to him too afraid to know the answer to the question.

“Thousands of years of being evil really fucks you up.” Peter said trying to sit up and instead started coughing causing him to sink back down into the pillow.

“You’re not evil. You’re going to get better. You’re not evil.” You said to him reaching to wipe the sweat off his face, gently running your fingers along his features.

“I knew for weeks I was dying.” Peter said melting into your touch as he let his eyes flutter shut.

“You’re not dying, you’re not evil.” You said laying down next to him and taking him into your arms. His cheek pressed against your chest, your hands on either side of his head with your fingers tangled in his hair. Taking in his smell your heart was beating quickly as the near future seemed to be left so unsure and that made you anxious.

“You’re so sweet. That’s why I love you princess.” Peter let a little smile creep on his face. Your heart stopped, he always playfully called you princess to bug you but he never has said he loved you.

“I love you too Peter. More than in a best friend way.” You said as your breathing quickened and your head felt hazy. You looked down to see Peter's’ face and at that moment you noticed his breathing has become slower and began to get uneven.

“No Peter come on open your eyes please.” You pleaded cupping his face in your hands but instead of a response the only thing you got was a slower breathing. “Peter don’t die on me.” You begged as you scrambled to get out of bed and reach for the book you left at the foot of the bed. Flipping through pages you searched for a cure, any cure.You were greeted with vague details to get the soon to be deceased a new or part of a pure heart.

‘New or part of a pure heart’  those words seemed to be meaningless seven words strung together. The only thing you could think of is the countless times you’ve seen people in this island remove hearts from themselves or others.

“Please please work.” You pleaded with anyone that could help as tears streamed down your face, grabbing Peter’s hand and plunging it into his chest removing his heart. Grabbing his heart in your hands, it was dark and cold to the touch but you knew there was so much more to him than this.

Grabbing his hand you dug it into your own chest tears of physical pain falling from your eyes as you hoped that your heart was exactly what he needed. Ripping your heart out of your chest you looked down to see your red heart laying in front of you. Taking a deep breath you twisted Peter’s heart in half and laid it down. Grabbing your heart in your hands you tore your heart in half, folding over in pain you sucked in your pain and got Peter’s heart and yours meshing them together.

Getting Peter’s hand you plunged his new heart into his chest as he instantly shot up from the bed clutching his chest.

“What happened?” Was all he could say as he looked from his chest and then up to you. You could feel your face drain in color and you started to feel like you were about to throw up at any second.

“Peter could you please?” You cracked out motoning from the new heart to your chest. Peter looked at the heart in horror but still obliged and put it back into your chest.

“Why would you do that?” Peter asked his eyes filled with the same worry he had when you cut your leg open after falling out of a tree. But you didn’t fall off a tree and you were entirely intact.

“I couldn’t let you die. I- I love you.” You said in a whispered afraid someone besides Peter would hear you.

“I can’t let you have half of my dark heart y/n you don't deserve that.” Peter said as he reached over to where your new heart was in your chest.

“It’s okay I promise I’ll take care of your heart.” You said grabbing his arm and placing it on your lap.

“I-I just can’t let you go through that shit.” Peter said trying to reach for your chest once more. “I love you too much.” He said his fingers twitching to grab your hand.

“It’s okay I can handle it I’m a lost girl after all.” You smiled at Peter who just seemed to melt under your touch. It’s been years and he couldn’t remember what affects sharing a heart as black as his could have on you. He wished he knew.

Peter couldn’t believe anyone would willingly do this for him and he couldn’t believe he would do the same if the roles were reversed. Your eyes started to feel heavy as the sun got dimmer, letting out a yawn you sunk into the bed.

“I should go to bed.” You said trying to get out of bed,Peter reached for your as he slightly tugged you towards him.

“Stay here, please.” Peter said his green eyes looked deep into yours. You let out a slight nod and curled up next to him, Peter pulled you in closer to him as he let you fall into a deep sleep.

Thoughts stirred in your mind that were been nourished and grown from your heart. Past of Peter’s actions flashing through your dreams like slides, parts of peters heart ate at pieces of your heart.

Your heart and mind were plagued with dark thoughts that were planted in your head for times being and were only being feed with this new heart.

Maybe you and Peter weren’t that different to begin with.

#peter pan #peterpan #ouat fanfiction #ouat peter pan #Peter Pan Fanfiction #peter pan imagine

[marvellouslymadmim]

If you could have 5 hackle fics custom made to your interests, what would they be about? What tropes would be included? How long would they be? Fluff? Angst? Hurt/comfort? Ratings? Canonverse? AUs? Top 5 dream hackle fics!

AAHWHWHWHWHWHWHW what a top shelf ask, nonny!

*incoherent Jeff Goldblum noises as I attempt to even consider answering this question*

Answered below the cut because I write novel length replies:

So…the thing about being a writer is that a lot of my fics (particularly WIPs) are custom made to my interests. So a few of these things I’m actually working on now:

1. (current WIP). Ancient Britannia AU. Rating T (M/E potential, because hey, who knows?). Genre: Drama/Romance/Historical Fiction. Length: ooh, we’re looking at a solid 30 chapters, easily. 

Britannia under Roman invasion, 70 CE. After the death of her mother, Ada becomes chief of her tribe. When ill omens begin to appear and the Roman forces turn their sights north, to Ada’s tribe, she is urged to take a journey to see the bone-reader, who will read her future and ultimately show her the destiny of her people. But the reader, Hecate, refuses to reveal what the bones have spoken to her, which only confirms Ada’s fear: she’s cursed. Influenced by: Britannia (if you aren’t watchign this, you should be, because Zoe Wanamaker is a treasure).

Tropes: um…soulmates/destined to be together, I guess? I could and probably will get some bedsharing in there.

2. (early stages WIP). Modern Day Burlesque AU. Rating E. Length: most likely 10-20 chapters. Genre: Romance/Comedy/Light Drama.

Esper Vespertilio’s Extraordinary Cabaret is celebrating its 50th anniversary. Madame Vespertilio’s partner in business and love, Mr. Rowan-Webb, wants to do something special. Their basically-adopted daughter Julie Hubble knows just the thing: a night of special performances, featuring some of the biggest names in burlesque. Most notably, Hecate Hardbroom (specialty: fire fans), and The Twins (specialty: song and dance striptease numbers). When so many personalities converge in one place, anything can happen, right?

Tropes: Definitely some Agatha-as-Ada-messing-ish-up. Mutual pining, as always. A very all’s well that ends well vibe. I’ve actually written the very last scene and it’s adorably sweet.

I actually have several more but let’s just switch over to more “dream” stuff:

3. Look, I have a degree in crime analysis. I want a gritty crime drama with Ada and Hecate, the whole “I find this woman wildly attractive and I have no clue if I can trust her” trope, femme fatales and ill-lit alleyways and the odd humming like a neon sign always running beneath every interaction. Magical or nonmagical. I want Dimity Drill as the fast-talking, faster-thinking partner who wears a leather jacket and makes all the gay girls swoon (for science, of course).

4. I want a canonverse slowburn Downton-Abbey style recap of every single time these little idiots even thought about looking at each other. Make it slow and aching and angsty and collision-course certain. I want to be kicking my feet against my mattress at 2am as I yell at my kindle screen “You idiots! SHE. LOVES. YOU. BACK!!!” And I want all the burbly happy feels when FINALLY one of these fuckers realizes the truth, and to feel second-hand cringe as they attempt to navigate the early days. I want it awkward and hesitant and fucking adorable. 

5. ALSO I WANT THIS VERY SPECIFICALLY. If I had a way more in-depth understanding of the British legal system, I’d do it myself. But alas, I am lazy and refuse to learn that particular subject, even for a fic so promising as this.

Basically anything that holds these elements: heavy mutual pining, waiting for fucking ever, angst over an outcome that the reader knows for certain, timid beginnings, sweet little nonverbal actions, **CHARACTERIZATION on-point or at least extremely close to the amazingness that Clare and Raquel have given us**, a good dose of comedic timing, some FEELS, some fluff, and if they end up getting naked at some point, I won’t complain. But I do love sweet PG endings, too. Throw in some nerdy stuff like: historical AU, or modern day but with historical elements (archaeology/etc), or crime AU, and I’m so there.

I love canonverse and canon-divergent stuff, but I think I do find AUs more satisfying because the author has to do a little more creative shuffling to preserve their canon personalities in a totally different setting and that’s so awesome to me when it’s done well. Also it’s generally set in a world that’s new to me, in some way, and I love learning something new while being thoroughly entertained. Also I love basically rewatching these two personalities fall in love with slightly different backgrounds. 

This was such a great question, btw. Thanks for breaking my brain with it.

#thanks anon #oooooooh this was such a hard question #hackle #tww2017 #ada cackle #hecate hardbroom #aus for days yo #wips

[padfootdidit]

Watch Us Rise

CHAPTER ONE

It's here! My new canon jily multi-chap which I promise I am going to stick with. I already have five chapters written so hopefully updates will also be regular for a while. This has been a long time coming and is my interpretation of events in the Marauders and Lily's lives from sixth year onwards.

I have to thank Cara @dearprongs Ana @htcake Jayne @apalapucian and Bonnie @steeveharrington for all their help on this fic. It wouldn't be what it is without them <3 A special big thanks to Ana because she has been the most helpful and thorough beta, helping with all the technical language stuff as well as everything else.

But yeah... I think that's everything. Let my know what you think!

- R x

canon: sixth year | word count: 4.6k | ao3: read here 

Cokeworth, August 1976

Even the breeze is warm and Lily feels it everywhere, lifting her dress up, tugging at her hair, turning the pages of Witch Weekly. She can feel the sun burning through her eyelids but she doesn’t want to move, not yet. Up here, on the only hill in Cokeworth, it’s just her. She can finally breathe. Up here, she’s the only person in the world and she can pretend that all she has to worry about is staying cool. The feeling of relief won’t last. She knows it won’t, but it’s nice to have it, just for a second.

At the end of fifth year all she wanted was for summer to come and now, all she wants is September 1st to hurry up. She needs to get out of Cokeworth. Away from Petunia who has dragged out moving to London for weeks. Away from all the places she and Sev used to call theirs, where they would sit and chat for hours about Hogwarts and magic and make plans with stars in their eyes about how they would travel around Europe together, just like all the other witches and wizards before them. Away from the illness that takes a little bit more of her mum every day, hurting her dad too. It hurts to see him losing her when she can’t do anything about it. Cokeworth used to be home. When she was a child, Lily thought that it was the best place in the world, the only place that mattered. Now it hurts to be here.

“Lily?” She snaps upright, and for a second wishes she’d never left her room this morning. Her house is the one place Sev hasn’t approached all summer. Everywhere else has been fair game to him. The park where they first met. The grocers where he’d follow her around the aisles as she picked up food for her mum. The graveyard where he’d wait for her on Sundays to come out from the service. He’s been everywhere. Like a disease. A disease which stabs her every time she looks at its cause.

“No.” Lily stands before he can step any closer, scooping up her magazine and shoes, holding them to her chest like a shield. Her wand is tucked into the waistband of her underwear and she regrets that choice too.

Sev stands frozen a few feet away, robes as black as the coal that Lily’s father mines. “I just want –“

“I don’t care. I’ve told you a thousand times already, Severus. I don’t care.” She’s not sure who it hurts more.

“Can’t you just listen?” Desperation drips over his words. The lump in her throat tightens. But she can’t.

“I don’t want to listen.” The breeze blows his robes up and she sees the new hem of his trousers, stitched shoddily, without care. It’s so familiar, so him that it almost makes her want to listen. Almost. “We aren’t friends anymore. I never should have been friends with you in the first place.”

“You don’t know what’s –“

“And do you know what’s happening? To people like me? To people you call mudbloods, to people you think are dirty, lesser than you?” She spits every syllable, wishing that almost-feeling hadn’t happened, wishing it was easy to hate him. It was, in a way, but he knew so much of her and she knew so much of him. “Your friends are killing them Sev, and killing muggles too, for sport. Maybe it’ll be my parents in The Daily Prophet tomorrow.”

“I wouldn’t let –“

Lily laughs bitterly now, at him, the idea of him having any sway so ridiculous that even he doesn’t believe himself. “It’s over Sev. We aren’t friends.” She turns quickly, not wanting him to get another word in and runs down the hill, the ground hard and hot under her feet. Every step makes her sweat, every step gets her further away from him. She doesn’t look behind her to see if he’s following, just runs until she hits the pavement and then stops, feet burning on the tarmac. She drops her shoes and steps into them, trying to catch her breath.

Her back is wet with sweat, her dress sticking to her like it has been all summer. Every movement is hot and sticky.

The sun taunts her as she walks home and now she lets herself cry, licking the tears away when they reach her lips. Summer is too much, Sev is too much, home is too much.

11 days Evans, then you’re out, she tells herself. 11 days and then you’re out.

“Lily? Is that you?” her Mum calls from the kitchen as the porch door shuts behind her and Lily debates turning around and walking back out.

She can’t, though. “Yes Mum, it’s me.”

“Where have you been?”

“The hill,” she says as she walks into the kitchen, not surprised to find her mum at the stove and her dad sitting at the table, crossword in front of him.

“You didn’t tell us you were going out,” he says without looking up.

“I told Mum,” Lily says.

There’s a pause then her mum says quietly, “Sorry love, must have slipped my mind.”

“It doesn’t matter, she’s back now.” Her dad is looking at her now, staring at her over his glasses, and Lily thinks he’s probably wondering if he should have just stuck with having one child.

“I’ll write a note next time.” It’s an apology, sort of, and he nods and then pulls out the chair next to him. “Come help me with this whilst your mum finishes tea. I’m stuck.”

All Petunia needs to cause a fight these days is just to be there, so Lily takes the high road when she comes through the front door and promptly stuffs a forkful of mash potato into her mouth.

“You started without me?” Petunia asks from the doorway, affronted. Lily is tempted to roll her eyes. Of course they started without her, she’s an hour late.

“You said you’d be back at five and it’s gone six, love,” her dad tries to reason softly. Lily watches Petunia consider this, and then wonders how her parents can stand her recently. She never used to be like this. So… entitled. At least Lily gets to leave. They’ve had to put up with it all year round.

“Yours is hot in the oven, don’t worry, don’t worry.” Her mum leaps up and opens the oven for Petunia to see, trying to appease her. “See?”

Petunia takes a moment then absentmindedly humphs. “Right. Well, Vernon is visiting tomorrow so you better not start without me then!”

Lily almost chokes on her forkful of peas. “What?”

“Vernon is visiting tomorrow,” Her sister says, looking down her nose at Lily whilst she takes off her gloves and sits down. “I thought I told you?”

“You didn’t,” Lily says, looking at her dad and trying not to be accusatory. “No one did.”

“We thought we’d take you two out for tea, love, let Lily stay at home to finish her summer homework. Then there’s not a crowd at the dinner table.”

Oh, thank fuck, Lily holds back a sigh of relief.

“Well, that would be nice, I do think Vernon prefers it when it’s just us,” Petunia sniffs, sickly sweet. Lily wants to kick her under the table. That would wipe away the snooty smile.

Her dad just nods and says, “perfect.”

“That’ll be lovely.” Her mum smiles. Lily wonders if her mum can remember that Vernon is a knob or if she’s just pretending for all their sakes.

Lily’s dad waits for her mum to sit back down then says, carefully, “will you be going back to London with him?”

“Yes,” Petunia replies, as if it’s obvious.

“Well, do you think he’d mind giving us a lift too? It means we don’t have to buy two sets of train tickets.”

Petunia looks at her dad as if he’s asked Vernon to cut his toenails. “Why are you going to London?” Her furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips make her look almost a decade older than she really is.

“Lily needs to get her school things, doesn’t she?” Her dad clears his throat. “We’ve already left it quite late.” He smiles at Lily and Lily smiles back, ignoring Petunia’s sour face across the table.

“I can ask… I don’t know if he’ll say yes. And we’re taking the last of my things back too, so there might not be room.”

Vernon’s car is too big for its own good and they all know it. But her dad just nods, and asks someone to pass the gravy.

When the doorbell rings the next night, Lily turns off the TV set and runs upstairs so she doesn’t have to deal with the prick for even a second. His booming voice fills the house and, in retaliation, she turns her cassette player up too loud.

It hurts her ears and she lets it, flopping onto her bed too hard and then jumping right back up when she sees an owl sitting on her desk.

“What the –“ Lily turns the music down, not wanting to hurt the owl’s ears. She takes a second to realise that it must have come in through the open window. It hoots softly at her and sticks its leg out. There’s a small envelope attached, and a muggle stamp in the corner, which seems very pointless given the method of delivery. She unties the envelope, giving the owl a few strokes, and apologises that she doesn’t have any snacks. The owl hoots, less softly, and flies to sit on top of her wardrobe. Clearly whoever has written is expecting a reply.

Vernon’s voice drifts up from the living room, but Lily’s too distracted now too care that he’s lingering instead of making sure they make the reservation. As Suzi Quatro tells her to come alive, Lily breaks the envelope’s seal and pulls out the parchment inside. She sees the handwriting, looks back at the owl, and then – “Of course. Idiot.”

Dear Evans,

Please read this before you throw it in the bin. I never said sorry last term for what happened and I wanted to but I didn’t know if you wanted me to. So I didn’t and that was stupid because I should have. Hopefully this letter will show you that I am sorry and that I was sorry and I probably will be sorry until I die.

Snape called you a you-know-what and he shouldn’t have and that doesn’t make what I did okay, I just want you to know that I’m sorry he called you that too. Neither of us should have done what we did that day. I thought it was my place to defend you and it wasn’t. I shouldn’t have asked you out either. I don’t know why I did. It was an in-the-moment thing, I think. All I know is that I wasn’t thinking at the time, obviously, and thinking about it now is painful because it was such a class arse thing to do. Godric would be ashamed. Sirius told mum about it and she threw a spatula at me.

But yeah, I’m sorry, and I hope you’re okay.

Enjoy the rest of your summer, see you at school.

James

P.S. I told Babbity not to wait for a reply, but she’s a big fan of bread, so if she’s hanging around, that’ll be why

Lily reads the letter once, twice and then looks at Babbity on top of her wardrobe, and wonders if the owl would tell James if she threw it in the bin. She doesn’t want to throw the letter in the bin, she’s just considering all her options. One option is replying. Except she has no idea what she would say. She reads the letter again, just to make sure she hasn’t misread any of his scrawl. And it is a scrawl, a messy, languid scrawl that means almost all of his essays have to be rewritten so the professors can actually read them. Lily thinks of him sitting in his room writing the letter. Did he have to rewrite it? Did he do drafts? Was his bin full of scraps of paper, like in the films, with half-started and half-hearted versions he just couldn’t get right? Does she care? Did he get halfway through and realise no one but him would be able to read it? Does she care?

“Don’t look at me like that,” she tells Babbity when she realises that she’s been standing in the middle of her room, rereading the letter for a good four of Suzi’s songs. “I don’t care. I don’t.”

Babbity cocks her head, ruffles her feathers and hoots. Probably asking for bread. Lily looks at the letter, her name, Evans, taking up half a line in his handwriting. Then she tells herself to stop being such a fucking flannel, Evans, throws the letter on her desk, and tells Babbity, who is incredibly judgemental for an owl, that she’ll be back in a minute with some bread. At least this gets her a happy hoot.

Downstairs the trumpet that is Vernon’s voice is even louder but Lily heads straight for the kitchen, grabs a slice of bread from the bread basket and jogs back upstairs before it gives her a headache. She looks up at the wardrobe to find that Babbity has moved from her original perch and is now on Lily’s desk, pecking at her Prefect badge. “What are you, a magpie?” Lily asks, quickly tearing the bread into small pieces and making a mental note to clear the crumbs up later. Babbity loses all interest in the badge immediately and Lily picks it up out of harm’s way.

Sirius told mum about it and she threw a spatula at me…  James’ words stroll back through her head and she sighs, rubbing her finger over the badge’s shiny surface. His mum knows about her, that he asked her out. Does she care?

It annoys her, the question, repeating itself over and over, squeezing out the memory she’s been trying all summer to forget. Does she care? She knows the answer, or she thinks she does, except she doesn’t really know at all, does she.

“Lily?” Her dad knocks on the door, and Lily jumps, not having heard him on the stairs. “We’re just about to leave, just wanted to let you know.”

“I thought your reservation was at eight?” She asks, looking at her watch as she goes to meet him on the landing. It’s half past.

Her dad shrugs. “You know what Vernon is like.”

“Unfortunately,” she says, not thinking. He shakes his head but laughs too, looking only vaguely disapproving.

“We’ll be back by eleven hopefully. Make sure you’re not hurting your ears,” he says as he nods to the cassette player. “I’ve written the restaurant’s number down in case there’s an emergency.”

“Thanks dad. Have a good time.” She gives him a dutiful hug, dragging it out for a second longer than she would normally, and he gives her a kiss on the forehead.

“Don’t wreck the house,” he says after, over his shoulder in way of a goodbye.

“I’ll try not to. Bye mum!” Lily leans over the bannister, purposefully not acknowledging Vernon, whose thick neck bulges over his collar as he looks up at her from the hallway, frowning.

Her mum waves then is hurried out of the house by Petunia. Lily watches them go, flipping Vernon off once his back is turned. The front door shuts after her dad and Lily waits for the roar of Vernon’s car to start before going back into her room.

“Finished?” she asks Babbity, who just looks at her, picks up the last piece of bread in her beak, ruffles her wings and then soars out the open window, disappearing into the dark sky. The force of the owl’s flight knocks the letter off her desk and Lily crouches to pick it up, placing it and her prefect badge carefully on top of last year’s books. Her name in his handwriting screams at her so she just turns her music back up and drowns it out.

The front door opens again a little past midnight and Lily can hear her parents shushing each other as they come up the stairs. Her light is off and she pretends to be asleep when her mum pokes her head in to check.

“She’s fine,” her dad reassures from behind her mum, in the corridor and Lily waits for the floorboard outside their bedroom door to creak before opening her eyes again. Vernon and Petunia come up the stairs a few seconds later, and they’re much less concerned about waking Lily up. Vernon’s feet sound like bricks every time he steps and it’s only when Petunia’s door shuts behind them that his voice, complaining about how dry the chicken was, is muffled. Although at the time it had been horrible, Lily’s glad that she and Petunia had been given separate rooms when Lily returned from her first year at Hogwarts.

She imagines the havoc it would cause if they were still sharing and Vernon was relegated to the sofa.

A few minutes later the house falls quiet again and Lily pulls her magazine from under the covers. Witch Weekly had generally never been considered highly political or even worth reading by a lot of witches and wizards she knows. It’s known for waxing lyrical about quidditch players and advertising the latest cleaning potion, not strong political stances. Lily had thought the same until a few months ago when she’d flicked to the back and found a list of all the wizard and muggle disappearances that were believed to be linked to the Dark Arts. There was no commentary, no accompanying article. Just three columns of names, ordered by the date they were reported missing. It was too many names and it wasn’t enough, was never going to be enough, to simply be reading the list. It’s all Lily can do though, for now.

Read the list, commit the names to memory and wait.

Vernon’s car is a monster and yet it still feels too small with all five of them squashed in, Lily wedged between her dad and her sister in the back. The radio is barely audible over the engine, which Lily doesn’t really mind because Afternoon Delight is playing again, for the third time since they left Cokeworth, and she’s not sure if she’d be able to handle it full volume. No one is talking because, well. They have nothing to talk about.

Any appropriate topics of conversation were probably worn out at dinner last night and no one’s about to ask Lily if she’s excited to return to her magic school when Vernon is in the car. When Petunia had introduced Lily to him, she’d pulled her aside first and sternly informed her that Vernon believed Lily attended a strict, all-girls boarding school in Scotland for young women who needed guidance. What sort of guidance has never been made clear. The general fib the Evans family stuck with was that Lily attended a posh, private school in Scotland which accepted five scholarship students a year and weren’t they lucky to have such a clever daughter? Clearly, Petunia was not a fan of this version.

Lily notices Vernon looking at her in the rearview mirror now, eyebrows creased together as if he too is unsure of what guidance his girlfriend’s sister needs. She smiles sweetly at him. Then she rests her head on her dad’s shoulder and tries to sleep.

She’s shaken awake later and opens her eyes to see that the countryside is long behind them. They’re stopped in a bus bay just beneath the Charing Cross street sign. “Come on Lils, there’s a bus coming,” her dad says, hurrying her out. Her parents are already on the pavement and Petunia is in the front seat, trying to justify why the only place that Lily can get her uniform from is in London.

“Thank you,” Lily says as she scrambles out. There’s a grunt in reply then the car is roaring away again. Lily and her parents have to dive back as the bus pulls in and a swarm of commuters and tourists tumble out.

She grabs her mum’s hand and leads the way out of the melee, her feet instinctively carrying her towards The Leaky Cauldron. It sticks out like a sore thumb to her, but she knows that to everyone else it’s just the weird gap between buildings. McGonagall had helped her parents see it on their first visit and, ever since, they’ve been privy to its existence.

“Ready?” she asks her mum over her shoulder, checking that her dad isn’t far behind. Her mum smiles excitedly. The illness is nowhere to be seen, not even hidden in her new wrinkles. There’s a steady stream of witches and wizards walking through the pub’s door and they join the queue, behind a family struggling to keeps its youngest member calm. Newly eleven, Lily guesses.

“Remember that?” her mum asks, squeezing Lily’s hand.

Lily grins. “I couldn’t wait. McGonagall had to ask me to be quiet because she was worried I was drawing too much attention.”

“You were,” her dad chimes in, ruffling her hair.

“I can’t believe you’re going into your sixth year already.” They both beam at her and Lily thinks their smiles could power her for the rest of her life.

“And top of my class,” she winks, trying to disguise her blush.

“Intelligence,” her dad notes with a solemn face. “It’s a family gene.”

“Not from your side,” her mum says as she nudges him in the stomach and Lily wishes this moment could last forever. They reach the door then and shuffle through, all breathing a sigh of relief as cool air replaces the thick humidity of London. There’s no way that the temperature isn’t being magically controlled and Lily is grateful all over again for this wonderful world she’s lucky enough to be a part of.

“Please no dawdling! Lots of traffic today, Hogwarts students please go through. No dawdling!” Someone is calling from the back of the pub and they follow the sound. “Peak time, peak time, Hogwarts students please go through.” It’s Tom, the landlord, and he looks exhausted. “No dawdling!”

They join the queue at the back of the pub and, in no time, have been herded through the archway. “Good to see we aren’t the only ones leaving it to the last minute!” her dad jokes as they’re swept up in the crowd.

Diagon Alley is bustling as always except, compared to when Lily visited at the beginning of the summer with Mary, there’s a lot more people her age and younger and a lot of names being called. She loves it. Everywhere she turns someone is carrying a cauldron full of books or the latest broomstick or a cage making noises she can’t quite name. The fear she’d woken up with this morning of possibly bumping into the Slytherins or, worse, Potter, is replaced with excitement and she can’t help the smile on her face.

Her mum pulls the list from her bag and they start shopping, spending longer than necessary in every shop because they all want to look at what’s new. Lily is stopped every few minutes by friendly faces and students she’d helped pass Potions or Charms at some point. Her parents’ smiles grow wider with every hello and wave until Lily is worried their faces will break.

Her friends and dormmates have all done their shopping already, able to get to London much more easily with at least one parent being magic. Lily had been upset at first that she wouldn’t be seeing them but being with her parents is just as nice. It’s only ten days until they’ll all be back on the Hogwarts Express together anyway.

“Don’t be fooled Evans.” Hot breath tickles her neck and she spins, hand ready to jump to her hair where her wand is keeping it in a bun. Avery leers over, her turning a pack of Exploding Snap cards in his hands over and over again. Her heart races and she looks desperately around for her parents. They’re on the other side of the shop, watching a demonstration of Gobstones. They’re safe.

“Having a good summer, Avery?” she asks, meeting his gaze without flinching. He can't do anything here. Not in Diagon Alley.

“Don’t expect special treatment anymore, Evans. You’re filthy,” he sneers. “Snape won’t protect you now, your time is coming.”

Lily’s hand twitches, “Thanks for letting me know, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.” She steps around him, “See you at school.”  

He doesn’t follow.

As soon as she’s stepped into another aisle she lets her breath out, sagging against the shelves.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Avery doesn’t scare her, not when they’re in public and he wouldn’t be able to do anything without causing chaos. Avery hadn’t ever scared her. What does frighten her is his confidence, what his words meant. It’s getting worse, growing, spreading like an infestation. When rumours first started spreading that something was happening, that someone was building an army, that he was as strong and powerful as Grindewald, she hadn’t understood. She’d been too young, too new to the world and its history.

All the wars she’d learnt about in primary school had been fought with guns, tanks, and planes. Not wands and creatures. Magic. None of them had lasted this long without any real battles. No leader had waited this long to actually start something instead of just threatening it. They’d all ended too, within a few years. Lily knows this one hasn’t even begun properly. He’s still preparing. They call him the Dark Lord and revere him as a god. Lily isn’t sure if she believes in God, any god, but she knows he isn’t one.

She counts to ten, pushing Avery to the back of her mind with every number, and then goes to find her parents. The shopping is all done and they’re all weighed down with books so she suggests they go for an ice cream then head home. They ask if she’s okay and she forces a yawn for their benefit. Lily doesn’t want to let Avery ruin their day but now that she knows he’s there she can’t help but want to protect her parents. And the best way to protect them is to get them out of Diagon Alley and back into London, the muggle side.

On the train back, two hours later, Lily watches the city turn to country. Then back to city. Then country… county… country and then Cokeworth; home, the factory’s chimney rising up in the distance. Her parents are still doing the crossword together and she’s been pretending to read her new Potions book but she hasn’t been able to focus. Ten days and the view from the window will be country, country, country then her second home, Hogwarts.

Ten days, and she’ll be back with her friends, and her parents will be alone. With her at school, there will be no one to protect them.

Her thoughts run before she can stop them.

Maybe it’ll be my parents tomorrow.

You’re filthy.

Enjoy the rest of your summer...

She lingers on that one. It is, decidedly, a much nicer thought than everything else. She won’t think about Sev or Avery. Not anymore, not till she’s back in Hogwarts. She’ll spend the next ten days with her parents, hot, sweating, happy, safe.

Enjoy the rest of your summer.

She will.

#jily #mwpp #marauder era #rhiannonwritesdrabbles #wur fic #fyeahjamesandlily #htcake #dearprongs #steeveharrington #apalapucian #snapslikethis #october31st1981 #alrightevans #prongsno #fredweasleying #gxldentrio #hiddenpolkadots #james potter #lily evans #canon fic #marauders #thank u all so much !!

[anon-luv]

BLANKETS [JungkookxReader](Part 4/5)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (Feat. Rest of BTS)

Genre: Romance/Angst/Smut BadBoyAU!

Summary: A one night stand turned into various visits. No strings attached, or at least that is what you told yourself every time he walked through the door. His first name was the only thing you knew, besides having memorized every sensitive spot that laid upon his skin.

One night you catch a glimpse of his world. One that you had never had the temptation to roam on your free will. Jungkook though was addicting, and your craving for his touches led you to venture into his life. This new found world offering you a freedom you didn’t know existed. The consequences of your actions instead of taking you a step closer to him, formed a barrier. Jungkook’s sweet touches turned rough with rage, his passionate kisses turned possessive, and his comfortable casual talk went to promises/lies of a forever.

Rating: M [Language, Strong Scenes, Drug usage, Sexual Scenes]

Author’s Note: Hey Guys, sorry for the slight delay. I had it ready, and as I was editing I decided to delete and rewrite the last half like 3 times. I hope you all enjoy. This Fic only has one chapter left(long very long chapter),  but I am debating whether to add the sequel I had outlined for it. 

Also quick confession….. I have never written in 2nd POV till now, so sorry for any mistakes I might commit while writing in this form.

Trigger warning: Drugs, alcohol, and Sexual scenes

Not 100% edited yet. Might have minor mistakes :)

Feedback is greatly appreciated! It makes me Happy!

Word Count: 3,700+

Blankets

.Part 1. .Part 2. Part 3.  [Fic Playlist]

MASTERLIST

“Meeting someone at the wrong time is the saddest thing I have ever come to comprehend. There is this unfathomable pain rooted deep in knowing that you have to let go to continue growth separately when in your heart, you just know- you know that since the first day you were both put on this planet, you must have been two seeds planted right next to each other, the crossing of roots inevitable because what else could explain how you see the world almost identically? What else could explain how when it rains on the other, you feel it too? And it is for these exact reasons I know that us meeting was not a coincidence; we will meet again someday when we have bloomed a little stronger in order to maximize each other’s growth.”

One last time. One last night. One more moment.

The door slammed from your apartment as he pressed your body against the wall. His mouth smashed into yours, tugging and biting your lower lip asking for permission, which you quickly surrendered to. You wanted to taste him and engrave the feeling of his warm body pressing on to yours, connected in the most intimate of ways. You wanted to keep this. You wanted to treasure this feeling, for you knew what you had to do.

The poker face was slipping off, and your heart wanted to take over. You wanted to be loved by a man who came into your life like thunder, sending a ripple of energy you had never felt before. There was only so much you could take and change though, and you had decided it had been enough.

You lied to yourself every day pretending the love that blossomed from countless nights of being wrapped in his arms, while his breath fanned your face, was nothing but lust. He had deeply dug himself into your heart with every morning breakfast shared and every smile exchanged. Your love had bloomed without judgment or past identities.

The twinkle in his eyes as he pushed deep into you letting you know he must feel something as well. Your bodies coated with a thin layer of sweat, panting each other’s names. A whisper of “you look beautiful” and “you feel so good” on an endless loop. You could feel the end coming as an explosion surged through your body, and with one loud grunt, he fell on top of your figure. The blanket on the bed now penetrated with the smell of what could have been.

Before you knew what was going on, your mouth formed the words you were dreading to let slip “I love you.”

He turned to look at you, his eyes wide, taken by surprise. He turned to face you as he brushed a piece of hair that had fallen on your face. “I love you too.”

A perfect bunny smile setting off warning signs in your brain. It was now or never. It was only going to get more difficult from here on out.

“We need to stop doing whatever it is we’re doing,” you said as you traced his face with your finger.  He frowned, clearly, he was not going to take this well. The reality that he confessed back slapping you finally on the face. He loved you. He said he did. He also told Tabi he loved her. He told her every day. How do you know he was being truthful? Was that the kind of love you wanted to fall into?

He grasped your hand with his and held onto it as if you would float away forever if he let go.

You stood up from the bed quickly, ripping your hand away from his, the shock from the coldness sending a tingle up your spine as you threw on Jungkook’s shirt hoping to warm yourself up a tad bit.

“Jungkook, I know. I know about Tabi and her illness. About what you both have gone through. How am I supposed to sleep next to you and dream about a future that will never come? How am I supposed to smile at her, knowing that the nights you are not in my bed you are more than likely in hers? Tell me Jungkook… How can this…” you trailed off as a lone tear fell from your eye.

Jungkook stood up from the bed and walked towards you. “I told you I would break it off with her. Do you not believe me? I was trapped, (Y/N). I love her. Don’t get me wrong. She is one of the closest friends I have ever had. She loves me in a way I didn’t know a person could be loved, but then I met you. She was in the hospital that night and I was on my own drinking away my worries, and then there was you. You came in and swept me away, even if I was half conscious, I knew you were from a different world of my own. You were my escape. I felt like I could breathe easily without the world crumbling into pieces when I was with you. It wasn’t only Tabi I escaped from, it was the drugs, the fights, and the endless amount of disappointment I seemed to rub off on those closest to me. I tried my hardest to make myself love Tabi like she loved me, but I couldn’t and I can’t. With you, I just fell, unprepared and unaware. You think it has been easy for me seeing you being tainted by my world? Kissing lips that weren’t mine without being able to do anything? Because I thought that you believed a future would never include US in it?” He grasped your arms tightly tilting your chin up so your now watering eyes could meet his own.

“(Y/N), I’m In love with you.”

It had been 3 days since you had last seen Jungkook. He had not called or texted you, and as much as you wanted to just run to the hangout and yell at his face, you knew you couldn’t. It was not his fault you had decided to kick him out after his confession.

You walked towards your apartment building as you noticed a familiar figure standing outside. Her now brown locks were a mess and you could see her eyeliner running down her cheeks. A deep feeling in your gut was alerting you of the possible storm you were about to walk into. Your cautious steps taking you on autopilot in front of her.

She stared at you as her eyes brimmed with even more tears. “He broke up with me…”

You froze. You didn’t know what to do or what to say. Had he broken up with her for you? Did she know?

“Can I stay with you for a bit?” she said, answering your question.

You nodded unsure of what was happening. “I have ice cream and munchies… I don’t do normal groceries, just junk food, so you are in luck.”

She followed silently, her quiet sobs the only indication that someone else was present in your building. You opened the door to your place and allowed her in before you.

“Do you want something to drink?” you asked as you made your way to the kitchen, allowing her to get comfortable on your cozy couch. She took the remote and turned on the TV, as if she had been here many times before. You liked the way Tabi’s personality shined even when her world seemed to be crumbling apart.

You felt a pang of guilt hit, but you were selfish enough to push it aside. You had no idea that Jungkook was taken when you fell in love with him. Jungkook wasn’t a choice, he had been a need, a never-ending craving.

“Yes, do you have apple juice or something?” she asked as she flipped through the channels.

“I have green apple Smirnoff?”

“That’s good” you heard her say, barely above a whisper.

The atmosphere in the room was heavy with unsaid confessions and an ounce of regret. You needed to tell her. You needed to clear your mind of all the thoughts that made you sick to your stomach.

“Tabi, I just want to say that I am really sorry about…”

“I know,” she said, cutting you off before you could continue your ramble. She took a long sip of the alcohol-induced fruity drink and rested her head in her hands, visible tears traveling down with no sign of stopping. You were frozen in place not really sure of how to comfort the crying girl in front of you. You had been Danielle’s shoulder to cry on more than a handful of times, but it had never been your fault. This girl in front of you… was crying unknowingly because of you.

A knock on the door luckily interrupted the awkwardness surrounding the both of you. You stared at the door and waited a second before standing up, but before you could make your way to the front door, the doorknob shook, and then in came Jungkook.

You sat back down quickly from the surprise and noticed Tabi was now the one standing up, looking utterly confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh…” Jungkook started as he looked at you, trying to figure out what to say as if you held the answer on your clearly distressed face.

“Fuck it,” you said as you grew annoyed. You were tired of lies, you were tired of this whole scenario. You wanted them both out of your life at this point. Your life had never been this chaotic, other than family dinners. Your worries always ended at bills.

“You know what, I want you both out!” you yelled, surprising the both of them and yourself.

“But babe-” Jungkook started again, obviously not thinking before speaking, something that seemed to be second nature to him.

“Babe? “ Tabi asked sounding even more confused as she looked at you with betrayal.

“Okay, you wanna know something Tabi? Jungkook and I have been going at it for a year? Yeah, like a year and a few months… and in all honesty, it was fun at first. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. To be quite honest, I didn’t even know his number. All I knew was his name and that he could cook amazingly well. When I met you at the club was when I pieced things together, and I am so sorry, so very sorry” you said as the emotions you had held in took over.

“Wait, did you still do stuff with him when you found out about me?” she said, not even giving Jungkook the time of day.

You looked guiltily downward not being able to answer.

“It is not her fault… I-” Jungkook said, but Tabi cut him off.

“You shut the fuck up. Whatever comes out of your mouth at this point is shit to me.”

“Hey, don’t talk to him like that,” you said catching both of their eyes.

“You love him” Tabi stated. She no longer asked him. “You truly and utterly love his fucking ass…”

“Tabi, I didn’t want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. After the first time that it happened, I felt guilty and it killed me. I never stopped going to see you, and I tried to make you happy any way I could. I didn’t want to leave you alone. You are my best friend… You love me so much and no one has ever really shown that to me… I am sorry…” he said with tears now running down his cheek. “I couldn’t stop seeing her. I didn’t want to… I still don’t want to.”

Tabi looked at you and then at him, both of you were now spilling tears for her. “You love her…” she whispered as she took a step away from the couch and a step closer to him. She picked up her hand to his face and you flinched assuming she was going to slap him, but instead, her hand lightly touched his cheek, wiping off the tears that had fallen. She tiptoed and softly covered her lips with his, causing a small pang in your heart, one that you tried to burry right away.

Tabi quickly pulled away as Jungkook closed his eyes, and more tears were shed.

“Jungkookie, I wish you the best… I wish you both the best” she said turning to look back at you. “Love each other, I will not stand in your way, just promise me that you will give me space… I need space.”

Tabi walked away, and right before she opened the door, you heard Jungkook say “I did love you… you know I did, right Tabi?”

Tabi nodded slowly. “But you weren’t in love with me,” she whispered before she walked out.

Kisses… it always started with his kisses. They took control of your senses as if they were laced with the finest heroine. Every touch and movement was altered creating a feeling of euphoria so intense, you felt like you had been neglected of any real emotions until your skin made contact with his.

The inner conflict of wrong and right in your head was on mute, as you kissed Jungkook. You knew you both needed to address what was going to play out in your relationship, but as soon as the silence had become too much after Tabi left, words were not enough to express the need that had consumed your bodies after being away for too long.

The experience felt completely different as he took his time tracing every inch of your skin as if he was trying to memorize every curve of your body well enough to be able to draw you with his eyes closed. As the kisses grew in heat, so did the temperature in the room creating a path of discarded clothes all the way to your room. Your lips could not bear to be apart for more than a few seconds, but you manage to get rid of every piece of clothing that created a barrier between the both of you. The grip he had on your waist tightened as if in fear that you would run away. His usual demeanor of alpha subsided as he laid you softly on the bed. His eyes searching within yours for permission, something he had never done in the past, and as your mouth searched for his one more time, he took the opportunity to thrust himself deep within you, as your nails trailed down his strong back muscles finally marking him as yours. The faster he moved into you, the louder the moans that spilled from your lips. You had never been very vocal, but the feelings that accompanied as you fused your bodies into one, were overwhelming and something completely new. As you reached your high together you both refused to let go of one another. The reality of finally having the opportunity of being free to be with one another kicking in as he kissed your face all over as your finger traced the light scar on his cheek.

“Do you regret it??” you whispered to him as you both laid completely bare underneath your blankets. You knew Tabi meant a lot to him, and you couldn’t help, but feel like a home wrecker.

“Honestly…I regret not being honest about my feelings with her sooner… I feel like I could’ve avoided all the drama if I had just been clear with her, instead of sneaking away seeking the feelings I was missing with her in your bed” he said  “I don’t regret meeting you, I don’t regret anything we have done together, and most importantly I do not regret falling in love with you. I DO regret not being honest from the very beginning though. I wasted so much time of you and me……with me and her….”

A silent tear fell down your cheek as you heard him utter words you had never imagined yourself wanting to hear. He had become so much more to you than anyone else. How had you fooled yourself all this time? The feeling of being in his arms felt more like home than the apartment full of memories you resided in.

“I love you,” you said as he kissed your tear away.

“I love you more,” he said as he once again captured your lips with his.

—–

It had been 3 months, and there was still no sign of Tabi coming back. Jungkook and you spend most of your time in the hangout with the guys, who were surprised to find out what was going on behind the curtains. Well all of them….except Yoongi….. Yoongi had known from the very beginning, he was still the closest to you out of the lot, other than Jungkook. Yoongi had been a substitute to Jungkook in certain emotional aspects when Jungkook was still by Tabi’s side, but even now as you held Jungkook’s hand unashamed as you smoked your worries away, Yoongi caught your eye every once in a while. Yoongi’s messages were as constant as ever, and you knew no matter what the outcome would’ve been, he would be there for you no matter what.

Jungkook was perfect in every sense of the word. You had never expected to receive so much attention from him. Every day you learned something new about each other making the relationship feel like a beautiful adventure. The fear of it all being a dream washed away as you woke up in the morning to the sight of his beautiful back muscles working to fix up breakfast. Jungkook had basically moved in and barely left your side. You knew that this was what people called the honeymoon phase, but you knew deep within that the fire that ignited within you as Jungkook held you tight would never cease.

“Do you think there might be a bird somewhere in this world who is afraid to fly??” Jungkook asked as you saw him fooling around with a guitar while sitting criss-cross on the floor of the hangout spot.

“That is random, but I am assuming there must be some out there who must have some sort of fear. They obviously would have to get rid of that phobia in order to survive though. A bird without the guts to fly is basically like a bird inside the cage…..it will never find what freedom and happiness taste like.” you said as you played with the hair in the nape of his head.

Jungkook nodded not taking the conversation any further. You examined the way his fingers moved along the strings in a beautiful pattern. The absence of them on your skin starting an itch, but before you could seek to steal his attention he broke the silence.

“I want to show you something,” he said nervously.

You nodded not knowing what to expect, and before you knew it his fingers were once again playing a tune, but now it was one that seemed familiar. Jungkook….then quietly began to sing along.

“No limit in the sky That I won’t fly for ya No amount of tears in my eyes That I won’t cry for ya, oh no With every breath that I take I want you to share that air with me There’s no promise that I won’t keep I’ll climb a mountain, there’s none too steep”

Your mouth dropped in amazement as he created a beautiful melody, and you realized how much you still had to learn from this dream man infront of you. He was perfect, he was amazing, and he was yours. You wanted to know everything about him. When had you turned into this cheesy mess?

As he finished the song, you couldn’t help yourself from the urge of jumping into his arms and attacking him with kisses all over his face.

“You are truly amazing did you know that??” you asked, instead of answering he kissed you back.

“Not as amazing as you” he replied between kisses.

The star-filled skies were a beautiful sight as you laid beside the guys and Danielle. The dim light coming from the bonfire provided a nice warmth that wrapped around your body as the effect of the alcohol you had consumed gave you a slight feeling of floating above the ground. Your hand remained interlaced with Jungkook's. You laid your head on his chest as he hummed a tune in your ear. His sweet voice had become another of your addictions. Your life was now a soundtrack of Jungkook and you wanted to replay him for the rest of your life.

“A shooting star!! Close your eyes and make a wish,” you said as a light flashed across the sky.

Jungkook followed your instructions as he sighed slightly chuckling at your cuteness.

“What did you wish for??” he asked as he noticed you reopening your eyes.

“I am not supposed to tell….if I do it won’t come true,” you said chuckling.

His eyes scrunched up as a huge smile plastered on his face “What are you talking about?? You and I are both in love ….we are basically one half of a whole”

You laughed at his cheesiness, but your insides glowed with love for him “Fine….I wished for you and me to be together forever. For this small town and our adventures never to come to an end. I want this moment to last forever”

You felt his heart accelerate as the words spilled out of your mouth, you looked into his eyes as you felt a change in the aura that surrounded him, but it wasn’t clear whether it had been positive or negative. His silence made you nervous, but before you could suspect anything else he gave you a small smile. You were sure your eyes had displayed the insecurity that grew as the seconds ticked by.

The curiosity within you grew from the change in his mood “What did you wish??”

He was frozen for a few seconds and you felt him stiffen a bit underneath you, but then his words eased your nerves a bit as he whispered, “I wished to be with you forever as well…” he placed a soft kiss on your forehead.

The rest of the night you could feel his eyes avoiding yours at times, but you didn’t want to pressure him or make him feel uncomfortable, besides you knew he loved you. He had expressed in so many ways and had gone above and beyond to show you affection every day. Then why did you feel so insecure at this moment? You had nothing to worry about, right?

#kkreationsnet #kreativewritersnet #bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts scenarios #bts angst #bts romance #bts love #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios #jungkook scenario #jungkook #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #kpop scenario #kpop scenarios #kpop angst #bts badboy #jungkook badboy #bts badboy au #fan fiction #fanfic #bts series #jungkook series #jeon jungkook #jungkook angst

[dansphlevels]

Smelling of smoke part 5 please? I love your writing btw!

Smelling Of Smoke (And Hearing Voices Not There) Pt. 5

Day 5 of 12 Days Of Prompts

Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3, Pt 4, Pt 5, Pt 6, Epilogue, ao3

Summary: Phil was a quiet type of crazy. Dan’s eyes were so loud that they made everyone take a step back from his madness- everyone but Phil, who instead, stepped forwards.

Length: Chapter 5 of 7

Themes: chaptered fic, au, mental asylum, trigger warning, insanity, dark

TW: mental illness, schizophrenia, depression, mentions of suicide/suicide attempts, mental hospital, abuse

It has to get worse in order to get better.

It has to get worse in order to get better.

Phil’s arms are bleeding.

He stares at them with glassy eyes. Glassy… glossy? His eyes. His arms bleed from where he scratched them, pulling the ticks off of his skin before they could burrow all the way under. He didn’t scream, just pulled them off, but now he’s bleeding and the blood is everywhere.

The walls throb. A phone keeps ringing, and the answering machine picks it up after four rings.

“The person you are calling is not currently available, he’s too busy being a fuckup. Please call back later.”

Ring, ring, ring, ring.

“The person you are calling is not currently available, he’s too busy imaging things.”

Phil wiped under his eyes, trying to collect himself.

“He just smeared blood all over his face. Now he’s getting angry. Haha, okay, love you too. Please call back later.”

There’s a thumping noise, every second, like the ticking of a clock. Phil realizes too late that it’s his own body rocking back and forth on the bed, causing it to bump against the wall.

Ring, ring, ring, ring…

“Phil?”

Dan doesn’t look worried. He has a set amount of expressions, and worry isn’t one of them. He has… he has Obsession. That one has wide eyes that dart around the room and a focused look. Sometimes his lips part barely or even form into a smile. He also has Cockiness. It’s a clusterfuck of prideful anger and aggressive energy, shown through a smile or more often a smirk. His eyes stay the same. Obsessive. He is obsessive. He is obsessed.

“You’re breathing weird,” Dan notices, coming over to the bed. Phil is sick, but Dan’s sick too. Sick people see invisible breaths before they see maroon blood.

Dan’s wearing his last expression, his final one. The only one that makes him seem absolutely miserable and Phil wonders that in the layers of his skin, is the misery closest or furthest from his heart? His misery is shown in his insomniac eyes and empty expression. He feels no pain, just a contented misery. The words ‘I’m okay’ written in cold eyes.

Phil’s not okay.

Dan comes to the bed and sits next to him. He grabs his wrists, too roughly still, he’s still too rough. His hands are stained with the blood, and he looks at it with wider eyes, inhaling sharply.

“I’m sorry,” Phil chokes out. He’s sobbing, he realizes. Shaking body next to a still one.

“It’s fine. It’s just… blood is almost as bad as fire.” Dan wipes the blood off on his pants. The red reforms in the shape of smiley faces and knives.

“The person you are calling is not currently available. He’s too busy-” the line drops, leaving a ringing silence.

“Turn off the phone!” Phil almost screams, or maybe he does. The tap tap tapping on the inside of his skull is forming more and more cracks.

“There’s no phone.”

Quiet.

Phil is on Dan’s lap. He’s crying into his chest, and Dan’s clothes are stained with blood. Dan’s relaxed breathing is soothing, the only thing Phil allows himself to hear.

The door opens, revealing a nurse dressed in white. Dan throws a book at her from Phil’s nightstand and yells for them to leave them the fuck alone.

Dan’s the only thing that makes the voices shut up. A giant moth sits on his back, gnawing at the hair on the scruff of his neck. Phil doesn’t tell him. Dan hates moths.

They lay there until the blood’s crusted over and Phil can’t cry anymore. He has to stop this. He doesn’t want this anymore. It has to stop.

—-  

They’re naked.

They’re doing the thing people do when they’re naked.

Dan’s body is always so warm. He tries to be soft, but he’s no good at it. Phil lets an ‘I love you’ escape from his mouth.

The voices in his head have taken on a physical form. They are shaped like people with bug-like features, antennae sprouting from their foreheads and six limbs. They stand in the room, watching as Phil and Dan have sex. The one with grasshopper legs writes rapidly in a notebook. They wear newsboy caps.

The main voice, the one that sounds closest to Phil’s own, is shorter than the others, and stand in the front. He raises a camera and takes a picture of Phil’s orgasm face.

——

It’s raining in the shower. Dan’s touch is finally almost gentle. Nevermind.

Phil stares at the water as it goes down the drain, lightly tinted pink from the red all over. He’s crying again, and Dan rolls his eyes and hugs him close.

After they shower, they go their separate ways. Phil looks in the mirror and looks normal again. The bugs are gone. He takes a deep breath, and promises himself he will get better.

The tapping is gone, the voices are gone. He has control. He tells this to himself, repeats it like a mantra. He has control.

He walks into his room and freezes. His houseplant, the one his parents sent in the post, is dead. Where it once stood is nothing but a pile of ashes.

2 Chapters left!

12 Days Of Prompts Masterlist / Fic Masterlist / Request a fic 

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#12 days of prompts #Smelling of Smoke (and hearing voices not there) #smelling of smoke #and hearing voices not there #voices #smoke #chaptered #chapter #mental asylum #mental hospital #hospital #mental illness #insanity #pyromania #fire #pyromaniac #schizophrenia #schizophrenic #dark #tw #trigger warning #dan and phil #dansPHlevels #fanfic #fanfiction #phanfic #phanfiction #phan #prompt #prompts

[tastesoftamriel]

Emergency trip to Riften! (A long tale by Talviel)

[This is my first ever fanfic and I hope you guys enjoy it and let me know what you think! I haven’t done any creative writing in at least 2-3 years so apologies if it sounds a bit clunky. Anyway, happy reading!]

[EDIT! Due to the timeline of my new fics I have written, please note that this takes place on Tirdas, 19th of Sun’s Dawn, 4E 207. Sorry if this is a bit confusing but I promise this slots into a chapter that you’ll see in about four weeks!]

I was in Bruma for a week teaching a Hammerfell-style cooking class when a messenger delivered a letter that my mother was ill. Thankfully Bruma is just on the border of Skyrim so I got on my horse and set off straight away.

When I finally arrived in Riften, I was relieved to discover my father had contacted a healer to work on my mother. It turned out she had contracted rockjoint, because apparently she was out in the woods picking mushrooms when a wolf bit her! Thankfully she killed the wolf and suffered no serious injuries otherwise, but needless to say my father and I were peeved she didn’t say anything sooner (damn Imperials and their pride). The good news is that the bite is healing nicely and the worst of the rockjoint should be gone within a week or so, optimistically.

With that taken care of, I decided to wander around town a bit. The first stop was The Bee and Barb. Keerava and I were overjoyed to see each other as I hadn’t been home in over two years. Luckily it was early afternoon, so aside from the lunch regulars (who were surprised to see me), the inn was quiet and we got to spend a few hours exchanging news and gossip. We shared a flagon of mead with Talen-jei (who really only ever tolerated my presence, but was pleasant enough to me), and I was on my way again.

I was strolling through the marketplace when I heard a very familiar “Lass!”. I turned bright red, because of course it was none other than my ex-boss from the Guild, Brynjolf, running yet another scam. He pulled me aside and whispered that his new recruit had never turned up for the heist, so now he was stuck awkwardly selling skeever repellant when some pockets needed picking.

What a moral dilemma. I had promised I’d left my life of crime behind me, but deep down I’ve always been loyal to the Guild, and especially Brynjolf, who had always treated me with nothing but kindness and respect, even after I resigned. It doesn’t help that I’ve been in love with him since I first laid eyes on him either.

So what’s a woman to do? I was dressed as an innocent traveller, so nobody would suspect me. In a matter of minutes, my skilled fingers had lifted two hefty pouches of gold, several pieces of fine jewellery and amulets, a few potions…and a sweetroll (old habits die hard). I tucked my prizes into my worn travel sack and headed down to the cistern to unload the cargo.

Whoever wasn’t on a job basically screeched when they saw me. I was the Guild’s youngest recruit when they picked me up (I was just 16 at the time), and they were astounded to see me as a well-travelled young woman. In fact, I was only 17 during the plight of Alduin and worked with Brynjolf and Karliah to bring the corrupt former head of the Guild, Mercer Frey, down. I exchanged hugs with Sapphire, Rune, Thrynn, and Cynric, the old timers. They introduced me to a fair number of new faces, then hauled me off to The Ragged Flagon.

Vex, Delvin, Tonilia, and Vekel nearly fell off their seats when they saw me. Of course, Vex and Delvin immediately tried to bribe me with jobs, thinking I’d returned for good. The disappointment on their faces when I explained why I was back in Riften made me feel so guilty I almost wished I was back in the Guild. “Well the least you could do then, o cultured one, is to cook us all dinner and save me the effort!” Vekel bellowed. Now that I could happily do.

Apparently the Guild was doing brilliantly. They had a total of 35 members now, and 20 were in Riften at the moment. I scratched my head, wondering how I could pull off a feast at such short notice, but I’d been put in worse situations (one trip to Whiterun had me yanked into the Jarl’s kitchen by two very scared chefs who had apparently been notified two hours before that dignitaries were arriving and a feast for 30 was needed). So I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.

Brynjolf came back to see what I had found as I was in the middle of mincing garlic. I gestured to my travel sack, not wanting to get my fragrant hands over everything. He seemed pleased with the loot, but puzzled by the sweetroll. “Is this yours, lass?” He asked. When I blushingly said it was for him, he laughed and gave me a hug, thanking me for the gesture. I nearly fainted right then and there.

Three hours later, I’d accomplished it. A hearty meal for 20, comprised of rabbit millet pilaf, West Weald corn chowder, a Redguard venison pie, and the famous Jerall View Inn carrot cake (one must never omit dessert from a meal!). Vekel rolled out a barrel each of beer and mead, and enough wine to get a village drunk for a week. Sapphire went to round up the stragglers, and soon we were all sitting at The Flagon digging in. I brought news of the world, and the Guild happily told me of the best jobs they’d had since I was gone.

As the night wore on and the booze flowed freely, slowly the Guild members disappeared back to the cistern with full bellies and happy hearts. By two, the only ones left at The Flagon were me, Brynjolf, and Vekel, who had promised to clean up. Brynjolf and I had broken out the bottles of sujamma and matze I’d been hoarding since my last trip to Raven Rock, and were playing “Never have I ever”. Well, we learned a lot of things about each other that night. Drunk and laughing, I leaned my head on Brynjolf’s shoulder and he stroked my hair affectionately. “We’ve missed you, lass.” He said. “I’ve missed you.”

I almost startled myself sober. “You…have?” I stuttered, unable to believe my ears. “Yup.” He said. “You were one of our finest recruits, just…so young. You’ve grown into a fine woman, lass, and even though you’re no longer running with the Guild, I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished. You’re the pride of Riften, in case nobody’s mentioned it yet.”

Vekel cleared his throat, having clearly been eavesdropping on our conversation and seeing where it was heading, even though blockhead me was too drunk to figure it out yet. “Well, you two have a nice night, morning, whatever. I’m off to bed.” He declared loudly, before disappearing home.

I stood up, wobbling. “He’s got a point, it’s getting late. I should probably head back to my parents.” I mumbled. Brynjolf stood up to steady me, his hands unusually tight around my waist. “You needn’t go, lass. Riftweald Manor is still ours, where we store our extra things. Grab a bottle of wine, and let’s go, better than waking everyone in the cistern up.” I grabbed a bottle of Alto wine from the counter. “You know me far too well, Brynjolf.” I giggled, leaning on him for support as we stumbled our way to the manor.

When we got in at last (Brynjolf had left the key behind so we drunkenly had to pick the lock), he gesticulated around, showing me what the Guild had done with the place since I’d been gone. The place was lavish, decorated with the best finds from certain jobs. Maps adorned the walls, pinned with the locations of targets. Large empty chests were everywhere, ready to be filled and brought down to the vault. It was certainly much nicer than when Mercer had left it to rot.

Brynjolf and I sat cross legged on the biggest bed we could find, leaning comfortably on the soft pillows and passing the bottle of wine between us. We talked about nothing in particular, breaking out in fits of laughter for no reason. Even while being drunker than Brenuin in Whiterun, I was both happy and astounded to see the personal side of Brynjolf I had never seen while working for him.

I said something to him, I don’t remember what, and he swatted me over the head with a pillow, and the remnants of the bottle of wine went flying across the room. “Oi, what is this, the Dark Brotherhood?” I cackled. “You just killed the wine!” “Fuck the wine, fight me you wench!” Brynjolf hollered, hitting me over the head again with the pillow. “Wench? WENCH? Well I never!” I shouted back, grabbing another pillow and whacking him with it. Soon there were feathers everywhere and we were cackling like hagravens. He pulled my hair and I pulled his. Soon we were tumbling across the bed, flailing about and feebly slapping at each other.

Then the unexpected happened. Well, unexpected to me anyway; as I mentioned before I am a blockhead. He grabbed my head and kissed me, hard. Startled, I pulled back. “Brynjolf, what are you doing?“ I stuttered, unable to believe what had just happened. “What I always should have done, lass. Well, since you were a little older, anyway.” I laughed, and leaned in. “I can’t believe it. I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you.” “I wouldn’t call this love, lass, but let’s just enjoy tonight, while you’re still here.”

If you’ve made it this far, dear reader, I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate on the rest. Needless to say, I stumbled back to my parents’ house sometime the next afternoon with my clothes in disarray, while Brynjolf made his unsteady way back to the cistern. When I got to the house, I was relieved to see my mother was asleep and resting. My father, on the other hand, was sitting at the dining table tinkering with something. He grinned at me widely. “So, the classic Nordic walk of shame. Glad to see you got that from me at least.” He laughed. I groaned and fell into my bed, still thinking about the surreal night before.

#fanfic #thieves guild #skyrim #riften #brynjolf #tes #the elder scrolls #tes v skyrim #tastes of tamriel #fanfiction #romance #party #walk of shame #Chapter 8

[orangeflavoryawp]

Self-Rec Challenge

Fic authors’ self-rec!  When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass it on to at least 5 other writers.

Oh my god @citadelsushi you don’t understand.  I never get tagged for things like this and suddenly you come out of the woodwork and I’m so HAPPY I just ugggghhhh.  So here I go, in no particular order, because this was hard as fuck.

Expect fics from across my fandoms.

1. Secret Burdens - X-Men (Rolo - Storm/Wolverine)

Summary: “He thought he was the only one.  He had no idea.”

Why I love it:  There is honestly so much wrong with this piece I don’t even know where I would start if I even attempted rewriting.  But this one holds a very dear place in my heart as it was the first ever multi-chapter piece I’d written and took nearly 7 years to finish.  I started it practically 10 years ago (and you can tell) but it was also the first piece of romance I’d ever attempted, the first story with action scenes, and the first to really help me cement my style.  Also, it’s Rolo, ya’ll.  What’s not to love?

2. Rocks and Shoals - Mass Effect (Koliana - Kolyat/Oriana)

Summary:  "The way she mumbled her 'goodnight' as she slowly slid the door shut before him. The way she didn't look him in the eye. The way the silence clawed at him when he stood staring at her door wondering where the fuck it had all begun to change." - In a post-war galaxy, Kolyat and Oriana found each other when they went looking for themselves.

Why I Love It:  Like most stories on this list, Rocks and Shoals is here because it was an attempt at shifting style, and I loved how that challenge came out.  With only Part One of Three up and published (but more already in the works), it’s also a very intense and brutally unapologetic arc of Kolyat and Oriana’s story that let me explore some very intimate emotions surrounding how we all deal differently with loss, and by extension, how I deal with lose myself.  It was, and still is, a deeply personal project.

Also, I swear a fuckton in it and the level of familiarity with such speech makes it a bit comfy for me, lol.

3. The Last Rite - Dragon Age (General - implied Tabris/Alistair, loose Tabris/Zevran)

Summary:  "There is only stone. Tall, cavernous holds of rock and tunnel and deep, still quiet. She must remind herself that this is where she will breathe her last. There will be no sun to warm her when she dies." After twenty eight years of the taint, the Deep Roads finally call to her. This is goodbye.

Why I Love It: This may be my first ever piece of successful angst.  And I say successful because while I’d written angst before, it was more an exploration, or a simple expression of an angsty emotion.  Nothing I’d written before had ever really accomplished something in the story using angst, or given any closure through it. But this one did.  Following Grey Warden Meran Tabris’ final days before her calling, it’s an exercise in grief and goodbyes - but with an accepting, if not peaceful, finality to it.

It also inspired a tribute fic called These Old Bones by Hahren Jezek that, to this day is one of my all-time favorite 3 fics ever, and will ruin you in all the best ways.  Go read it.  It’s infinitely better than anything I could put to paper.

4. Ill Moon - Mass Effect (Shrios - Shepard/Thane)

Summary:  "He silences the quake of her lips with his own needful mouth. They kiss, and they kiss, and they drown." - When the end comes, it is not without grace. Thane and Shepard swear to meet in the after.

Why I Love It: Again, another fic that represented a shift in style and a challenge to my writing.  But really, I can attribute that to any of my Shrios, as I’d have to thank the ship itself for being the catalyst to my more poetic leanings in any recent fics of the last year or so.  It’s also one of my favorite representations of the Shrios relationship and contains my favorite set of paired lines from the start and the end of the fic: “Shepard loves a dying man.  /  Shepard no longer loves a dying man.  She loves a dead one.”

5. Moiety - Mass Effect (General/Multi-pairing)

Summary:  "The harsh line of her back is like a scream." - 100 word drabbles. Wide range of characters, pairings, genres.

Why I Love It: Can you tell yet that I like style shifts and challenges?  ;)  As a 100 word drabble series, this project really challenged me to be economical with my words.  To say everything I wanted to say, as powerfully as I could say it, in as short a span as I could say it.  It’s a brilliant exercise and I highly recommend it.  It’s really helped to shape up my writing.  And it let me explore all those little moments and headcanons that weren’t really substantial enough for their own full-length fic.  It also contains some of my hardest hitting lines ever.

Honorable Mention: 

Reckoned from One Midnight to the Next - Mass Effect (Shenko - Shepard/Kaidan)

Summary: "Grief is not something you can lay to rest beside your bed at night and take back up in the morning. It is always there. Festering while you sleep. It stays. It lingers. It bleeds into your days until your world is rife with it." - Kaidan in the aftermath of Shepard's death over Alchera. A tale of heartache and healing in two parts.

Why I Love It: An exercise in poetic prose that was not only fun as fuck, but really freeing, and honestly, probably one of my most profound and thoughtful pieces.  Sadly, it’s also a very little-known piece.  But I still go back to reread it from time to time because I think it holds a lot of promise.

Some of you might be surprised that Sheparding Men isn’t on here but that fic is a whole other animal and I ain’t touching that one with a ten foot pole nuh-uh no way no how.  Also, this was hard enough when you’ve got 63 fics lying around.

Tagging @bioticsandheadshots, @tlcinbflo, @riptidemonzarc, @barbex, @wolfofthewaves, @alyssalenko and @foofyschmoofer.

#writing #my fanfiction

[coffeecupandteatime]

Obscure Review #4

It’s time to spork fics and ruin lives.

I’m Coffee.

Hi, this is Tea. So what fresh hell have we placed ourselves into today Coffee?

Instead of Titans, we have ninjas, but there doesn’t seem to by an OC this time. So that’s a start.

We have entered a world of perpetual retardation. I’m the local alcoholic asshole, Jagerbomb  ʕಠᴥಠʔ

This lovely little story is called When wind meets earth: A Naruto & Kurotsuchi story.

I’ll kick this off shitfest! Also: Prepare the rum!

As usual, we will be offensive. Don’t take this too personally.

Chapter 1: Moving to Konoha

Ooooooooh no.

This looks promising.

And I thought Struggle for Trost: The two monsters was a bad chapter title. This one’s just lazy.

Hey guys, it's Rice Man here with another Naruto fic to accompany the two I already have. This time it's a Naruto and Kurotsuchi pairing. I've grown quite fond of this pairing ever since I read a really good fic called 'Love your enemy' from a really talented author. Now my fic is not copying them in anyway

That doesn’t sound suspicious…

Nope, not at all.

ʕงಠᴥಠʔง I’ll fight the Author.

since it will feature an original plot and start off when the two of them are young then go on to Shippuden and will not be a Romeo & Juliet type of story. So sit back and enjoy this story!

Aw man, I was hoping for a tragedy. It would make this a thousand times more interesting.

Don’t tell me to relax. You’re only making me more nervous.

I’LL RELAX WHEN I GET MY VODKA! YOU RELAX!ʕ╯°ᴥ°ʔ╯︵ ┻━┻

Lastly, the cover image for this fic is the property of DeviantArt user indy-riquez.

+1 for giving credit where credit is due.

I get the feeling this  story is based around an obscure pairing that is either not very popular or you’re the only one who thinks they should be together.

I get the feeling of “I don’t like Hinata or Sakura so I’mma make a near impossible pairing” here.

Episode one: Moving to Konoha

Oh god… We have episodes instead of chapters.

Wait. Didn’t you already mention the chapter?

This is lazy writing on so many levels.

-Iwagakure no Sato, Tsuchikage's office- It is around 7 in the evening in the office of the most powerful ninja in Iwagakure.

So this office has it’s own timezone? Cool!

Don’t you know? The offices of the most powerful ninja have their own timezones.

Iwa’s the place with rocks right? I wanna make rock puns.

Don’t, there will be plenty of puns to make later.

We see a short old man sitting behind a desk with a man beside him about early thirties holding a packet in hand.

I don’t see anybody.

Excellent descriptions.

The name of this man is Kitsuchi, one of the most respected Jonin within the village and the old man was Onoki, the third Tsuchikage. They are seen talking to a young girl who appears to be around 10 years of age. This girl was Kurotsuchi, the granddaughter of Onoki and Kitsuchi's daughter. 

Truth be told, I never got very far in Naruto. None of these names mean anything to me. I don’t care if you are writing a fanfiction. At least give me a better idea of who these people are. As an author, that is your job.

I didn’t get very far in Shippuden, but I did read a good majority of the manga so I kinda know what’s going on from what I can remember. 

Jagerbomb is not pleased. ʕ╯°ᴥ°ʔ╯︵ ┻━┻ I haven’t seen Naruto in a long time.

''Gramps you can't be serious!? Why are you sending me to Konoha?!'' The girl asked in anger

Trust me hon, we’re not exactly thrilled either.

Asked in anger. Asked in anger. AskED IN ANGER. REALLY?

We have another Katherine, so great at emotion.

Guys, I just realized that the guy doesn’t use quotation marks. Those are two apostrophes right next to each other...

''Kurotsuchi, it's for your own good dear, I'm not going to let the grudges our village and Konoha have go on any longer. It's unhealthy for us and sending you there would actually benefit the already strained relationship we have with them. So (COMMA) you can either accept to be part of the Shinobi Exchange Between Villages or you can kiss your dream of being a kunoichi good-bye. And just so you know, some of our civilians who needed work that have went as part of this on the employment side have sent back letters showing that they are enjoying life in Konoha.'' 

That’s a big wall of dialogue. So tell me, are they just sitting there, unmoving save for some mouth flaps?

I’m sorry, WHAT? In the manga or anywhere, it does not mention any ninja exchange program or Shinobi moving into the village,  much less citizens.  

I thought Iwa and Konoha HATED each other. O,,,,o Zoidberg is confused.

The young girl just groaned in pure frustration,

Ah, yes. Much emotion. Very good.

A+ writing skills.

Is this how you emote?  ʕ╯°ᴥ°ʔ╯FUCK IT!

''Those villagers must be out of their minds, fuck Konoha and their shinobi exchange crap! I can't forgive them for killing mom! You know you still hate them for that dad don't deny it!''

We got a ten-year-old saying ‘fuck’! Call the police! 

Also: Protagonist’s mother was killed by future home that she learns to love.

“Hey kid! Guess what? We’re sending you to that one village you hate so much! Never mind the fact that they were responsible for the death of your mother!”

Yep, because who needs consistency?

Kitsuchi just sighed at his daughter, ''Yes, I can't deny that Kurotsuchi, but you must remember that sending you there will greatly benefit us and our strained relationship with Konoha. What if another war breaks out again? We've barely recovered from the last one. Look at Konoha also, those guys have recovered very well in a short amount of time and don't worry daughter, the Yellow Flash sacrificed himself to protect the village from the Kyuubi attack 10 years ago so you don't have to live in the same village with him at least right?''

ARE THEY JUST A BUNCH OF FLOATING HEADS OR SOMETHING?

“I AM ZORDON! YOU ARE THE POWER RANGERS!”

''Tch, well you do have a point dad but still! I don't want to live in a village full of idiots and trash!'' Kurotsuchi pouted looking the other way

“Okay Dad...I’ll go to the stupid village of stupid people just because their stupid leader is dead!”

“You must go for political motives that really don’t make any sense. THOU MUST!” 

Seriously? You’re calling them idiots and trash? Right now you’re making an idiot out of yourself. 

Especially if this is the village with the ‘GOD OF SHINOBI/PROFESSOR’ leading it.

But seriously, I get where the author is going. It was commonplace in feudal era Japan for lords to send their kids to live under and serve another lord as a sign of trust. HOWEVER, the relations between the villages were not established other than they hate each others’ guts. Nowhere does it mention the benefits of the two villages allying. It mentions benefits, but leaves it at that. No further explanations. No specific reason, which might as well be no reason. They are literally asking their kids to enter enemy territory for no reason. Now, I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t frivolously send my kids to a place I couldn’t trust. I completely agree with our whiny main character! This is ridiculous!

Onoki was about to lose his cool but decided not to vent it out on his beloved granddaughter (COMMA) but she could be such a pain in his ass sometimes. ''Kurotsuchi, you're living in Konoha as part of this exchange and in your place the Third Hokage's grandson will be living here.-

“I’m pretty sure that’s how it works anyway. It’s not like we established any trust and I don’t think the Hokage is going to be pleased sending his grandson here. Wait a minute, why am I referring to him as the Hokage? He’s not our leader, is he?”

He wouldn’t send his grandson, he is only a little kid if this is starting when I think it is.

Also: I’m pretty sure Konohamaru isn’t born yet considering he’s a lot younger than Naruto (Who's in his 40’s at the end of the the manga and anime, right?)

No, Konohamaru is born, he’s like 8 or something, this is taking place in the beginning of the series.

Either way, he’d be too young for this kind of travel to be sent to a village that HATES his.

- That is why this is beneficial to fixing our strained relationship. So you're leaving first thing in the morning young lady and that's final!''

Instead of being a good grandfather, he decides to force his grandchild to go to a completely different village.

“Go, dammit! I don’t want you hanging around here anyway! We may or may not trust Konoha village! So what if this endangers you!”

Basically sums his words up.

The 10-year(HYPHEN)old girl almost lost it when she heard that.

Almost lost what?

I lost my case of ale last week if that counts.

Almost lost her obviously prejudiced and non existent brain? Did it melt out of her ears?

She had a brain?

''No no no! I'm staying here and becoming a kunoichi of Iwa! Not Konoha!''

 “I swear you’re just looking for an excuse to kick me out of the house and go on some ridiculous adventure with my sworn enemy!”

“For the plot, child, to please the Author.” I’m not please so ʕ╯°ᴥ°ʔ╯FUCK IT!

This is a very ill conceived plot to try and make you seem cool.

''Gah! You little whipper snapper! You're going to do this exchange whether you like it or not!'' Onoki shouted as his head comically increases in size scaring the young girl

“SURPRISE YOU LITTLE SHIT! DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, DID YOU!”

Only Iruka can do that dammit! THAT’S LIKE HIS MOST ICONIC “JUTSU”!

Really? Just because it’s an anime thing doesn’t mean you've got to use it, not to mention this is kinda badly written.

It just looks dumb in writing.

The force of his screams shook the whole room and was loud enough to scare Kurotsuchi causing her to fall on her butt shaking in fear. ''F-fine! I'll do it, but I won't like it!"

We should have a cliche count at the end our reviews to be honest. Protagonist agrees to doing some she doesn’t like: +1 cliche point.

You don't have to like it dear, just deal with it. Who knows? You may like it later on.'' Onoki said with a smile, ''Kitsuchi, please hand her papers please.''

“If you couldn’t tell, I’m the wise old character who implies the future and foreshadows the most obvious events to come!”

I don’t like that they tried to put a political agenda into this. It just seems half-assed and said political plot device just seems like something that is obviously a means to replace the main cannon with a side character and will never get mentioned ever again.

What makes you think she’ll like it after she oh so expressively pointed out her distaste for leaving.

Complying (COMMA) Kitsuchi walks over to Kurotsuchi and hands her a folder containing her files that she was going to submit to Iwa's ninja academy. ''You and Chihiro give this to the Hokage when you get there. He'll know right away.''

Author’s thoughts on actual plot.

Grabbing her enrollment papers Kurotsuchi proceeded to look at it. Her name was written in the middle of the folder and contained her papers for her to enroll at Konoha's ninja academy. Looking at Onoki she asked, ''So am I going as an Iwa or Konoha academy student?”

Wait, hold up. You’re trusting the ten-year-old with the IMPORTANT paperwork?

Well seeing as you’re the granddaughter of the fucking leader of your village, I’m surprised he didn’t train you. What’s stopping her from tearing those up?

''Anyway you see fit dear. You could be an Iwa kunoichi living in Konoha and registered in their system but most likely you'll be wearing their headband.''

“Because reasons.”

Awful reasons.

''Ugh, just what I need, living there is punishment enough but wearing their headband is just gross.'' Kurotsuchi groaned

“I mean, it’s the same headband, but I can’t stand it because it’s ~Konoha~”

“Fucking tree huggers man.”

My, somebody just loves to bitch don’t they?

''At least you're a kunoichi regardless.'' Kitsuchi spoke up, ''When you graduate we will send you the Iwa shinobi outfit if you want or you can wear theirs.''

“At that point in the story, you’ll probably prefer Konoha anyway in some major character changing fashion.”

At this point you and Naruto have probably pulled and AngelXEmily.

Kurotsuchi just sighed in defeat.

SIIIIIIIISODEFEATEDIIIIIIIIIGH

SIIIIIIIEMOTIONSAREHARDIIIIIIIIGH

Suck it up buttercup.

''So when do I go there again?'' She asked

“Right now! In fact, I’m going to throw you out the window as a shortcut!”

Again as in you’ve been there before or asking for the time you leave?

''You leave tomorrow morning dear, you will be brought there by my assistant Chihiro. After you've met with the Hokage you're on your own pretty much.'' Onoki explained

“Bye, loser.”

Chichiro sounds like the best person.

Assistant Chihiro is best character.

Into the lion’s den we go. 

''Yes, you should go get rest Kurotsuchi because you leave first thing in the morning.'' Kitsuchi added

They are really pushing her to leave.

Didn’t they say she was leaving in the morning not even two sentences ago?

Nodding with a sigh Kurotsuchi left to get some rest. ''Kurotsuchi wait.'' Onoki said getting the girl's attention ''What is it now gramps?'' ''Who knows? You might also meet a guy you'll like there.'' The Tsuchikage teased with a perverted grin

“Ohohoho! I like to think of my granddaughter meeting a nice boy but then have a perverted thought!”

“OHOHOHOHO-TOTALLYNOTFORESHADOWINGORANYTHING-OHOHOHOHO!”

Kurotsuchi blushed and quickly left the room much to the amusement of the two older men. Now alone in the room the two men began talking.

“Dammit grandpa, I can find a boyfriend by myself!”

“Oh no, my grandfather just basically told me to find a boy to fuck!”

''So you think this will really benefit us?-

“Fuck no!”

HAHHAHAHAH I SMELL A SUB-PLOT!

-I mean we do have the Hokage's grandson coming here as part of the exchange.'' Kitsuchi asked the elderly man

“What do we do with the grandson of our enemy?”

“KILL HIM”

Also, I get this is your father, but if you’re still in the office, talking about important village stuff, where the hell are the formalities? 

''I'm sure, it's Hiruzen now so it should make the whole process of this exchange a whole lot easier and without me probably trying to attack the Yellow Flash in the face for what he did to us in the third war. And when you think about it Kumo, Suna and Kiri have been friendly with Konoha ever since they sent some of their shinobi there for the program.''

Hey! Quit dropping the exposition all over the place! Someone has to clean that up, and it’s not going to be me!

Yea, us. ʕʘᴥʘ✿ʔ

''If you say so Lord Tsuchikage. That traitorous bastard Deidara bombing us several weeks ago puts us in an even worse position.''

NAME DROP!

MORE SUB-PLOT!

''You are right, it's also best for her safety as well.'' Onoki said

“We’re sending her right into enemy territory! She’ll be perfectly safe!”

“Cos sending an Iwa nin to the village that is STILL RECOVERING FROM THE KYUUBI IS FUCKING A GOOD IDEA!”

Your plan makes no sense...at all.

-Konoha Main Gate, next morning-

*Eyetwitch* Those transitions… My favorite…

Yay awful transitions!

As the sun rises across Konohagakure (COMMA) two Chunin guarding the main gate awake from their unauthorized slumber. These two are Izumo Kamizuki and Kotetsu Hagane and they've been on guard duty for twenty days straight.

I mean, this IS their actual JOB!

They would be dead if they were on guard shift for twenty  days straight, you will die from lack of sleep.

Nah, s’okay. They’re ninja.

''Ugh, Izumo wake up it's morning and time to begin another boring day as gate guards...'' Kotetsu groaned as he stretches himself

“This is how a casual conversation sounds. Wouldn’t you agree my fellow companion guard?”

“Undoubtedly, good sir!”

Nobody talks like this.

He reaches over and places a hand on Izumo's shoulder prodding the man awake. ''Yo, fucking let me sleep will you?'' Izumo grumbled

Are you the tsun to his dere?

Being rude upon being woken: +1 cliche point.

''Sure, then let Lord Hokage catch you and you'd be demoted to a Genin.'' Kotetsu shot back

One of the many responsibilities of the Hokage is to check on grunts like you.

Because the Hokage has the time to come and check on you idiots everyday. Also: Threat of boss demoting someone: +1 cliche point again! YAY Five more are you get a prize from the lower shelf!

You really have no idea what cliches are.

Nope! I just like giving points!

Right now we’ve got the tsundere, angst ridden teenager who whines about EVERYTHING cliche going on.

+5 Cliche points!

This served to wake Izumo almost instantly and the man quickly grabs his hygiene kit and began brushing his teeth, combing his hair and washing his face with a sink he made appear from God knows where.

Can’t be bothered to explain.

“Sorry I have lazy writing.”

This whole lack of explaining in some places and pretty much having dialogue that’s like watching paint dry in others, is making this fanfic to be like a raw, dead catfish. Cold, slimy and uninteresting.

''What the hell? Where'd that sink come from?!'' ''What you see is a genjutsu Kotetsu ooooooo!'' Izumo said trying to be scary

Correction: can’t be bothered to PROPERLY explain.

Correction: Let’s use every chance to say it was a ninja art of some kind.

Correction: completely butchering the english language.

''Shut the hell up and hurry up, we got another day of writing down traffic. Ugh, we always get stuck doing this shit.''

“Probably has something to do with the fact we’re background characters.”

What traffic? Cos the only motor vehicles are in the land of Snow. Do you mean Caravan traffic for trades?

5 minutes later..

Oh. Would you look at that… Another transition…

More lazy writing.

About a quarter mile out from the main gate we see the young Kurotsuchi and the Tsuchikage's secretary named Chihiro approaching the main gate.

Still don’t see anything.

FUCKING DESCRIBE SHIT DAMMIT!

It’s easier to get into the story’s scenery if you describe it a little bit.

Chihiro looked to face the young girl and saw that she was dawning an annoyed expression on her face. ''What's wrong Kurostuchi? Aren't you excited to visit another village let alone live in one for a while?'' She asked the young kunoichi to be

“I know you struggle to emote, but really…”

USE PERIODS!

She made her hate for Konohagakure very (not really) prominent in the very beginning. Did you just leave the room without anyone seeing you or did you not pay attention?

''No! I don't want to live in that poor excuse of a village. They're all murderers and deserve to be wiped out off the face of the Earth.'' Kurotsuchi shot back

What sort of brainwashing did you go through?

Obviously one of unreasonable hate toward a village instead of the one person who killed her mom.

“I don’t know who killed my mother so I’ll blame the whole village that is often called one of the most accepting!” Also, I don’t believe Naruto was ever said to take place on Earth, it was always called the Elemental Nations.

''Stop it, when are you going to understand that this is for our village's benefit? Do you not want us to at least be on friendly terms with Konoha or would you rather have the both of us hate each other forever and probably go to war again? You know we aren't in a position to fight another war Kurotsuchi, if another one broke out we would be annihilated. We've lost so many shinobi last time and we can't go through that again. Besides, think of it this way. You've already mastered your lava release correct?''

Another wall of dialogue. Do you think these characters are capable of performing actions while talking, or are they not advanced enough?

Yay! Wall of text! Cos everyone like those! Their like the floating heads in Rick and Morty.

Kurotsuchi nods at Chihiro's question.

''Then you can add the element of fire to your disposal to make you even more awesome. Fire is probably the most powerful element and from what I've heard has some really good jutsu for it. So that's a benefit for you.'' Chihiro finished

“Just a reminder, I’m doing this for a paycheck.”

“Because you’re a brat with poor character development even for a canon character!”

To make yourself more awesome? Seriously? Just because she has a Kekkei Genkai doesn’t mean that the main cast will like her, especially since she has a poorer attitude than Sasuke.

''And what other benefits are there huh?'' Kurotsuchi snorted

OINK OINK

SUUUUEWEEEE!

''Besides being educated and taught in fire release techniques, you'll also be trained by the best academy out of the five great nations. Konoha is well known for producing excellent ninja and they're no doubt the best trained as well. So there's that.'' Chihiro explained

If you do that, THEN you can crush them.

Crush them in your mighty Russian thighs.

Kurotsuchi's eyes turned into stars. 

Jesus!

'She does have a point! I'm already awesome as it is but being trained by the best ninja...gross, I mean, being trained by Konoha's best is not too shabby at all. Learning fire release makes it even better too!'

“I’m too cool to acknowledge any sort of superiority from Konoha!”

“My ego is massive unlike my breasts!”

“My ego is compensation!”

Guys, she’s ten...

''Hey, we're here.'' Chihiro said snapping Kurotsuchi out of her thoughts, 'Huh?'

''I said we're here.''

Kurotsuchi looks towards her front and sees the main gate of Konohagakure, open and ready to accept whoever walks through them. She had to admit it gave off a friendly, warm and welcoming vibe which was something that she wasn't used to.

I am 99.999% confident she’ll still treat everyone like a piece of shit.

I’m pretty confident she’ll meet Naruto within the first chapter.

I’m pretty confident she’s going to pick a fight with every single one of them.

The two Iwa ladies then enter the gate and walk up towards the small checkpoint where Izumo and Kotetsu were.

''Hi, may I see your identification, papers, all those goodies?'' Izumo asked with a warm smile

All those goodies? That is extremely lame.

Waiting for the moment to stab a bitch. PLOT TWIST, Izumo is the true villain of this plot!

ʕงಠᴥಠʔง Wanna go bro?

Chihiro reaches for her I.D. and hands it to the Chunin. Looking at Kurotsuchi she raises her eyebrow prompting the young girl

RAGE

to hand Kotetsu her exchange papers. The two Chunin then take the time to look over the documents before nodding in satisfaction.

“Sorry ma’am, I’m afraid I need to stab you.”

“I’m to lazy to write Protagonist’s name so here’s a half assed nickname which is just her name shortened.”

''So I presume this young lady is part of the exchange program between our villages?'' Izumo asked handing the two ladies their documents ''Yes, young Kurotsuchi here will attend the academy.'' Chihiro replied with a smile

Sure, that’s what they all say!

Even though she’s said she’s already ‘good enough’.

''Just my luck...'' Kurotsuchi mumbled ''Oh come on little lady! The Konoha ninja academy is the best! We have amazing instructors and the student body is quite diverse as it is already! I think you'll meet some good kids your age you'd get along well with.'' Kotetsu inquired

“It’s not like we’re going to kill you like your mother!”

“Which I’m sure is going to somehow be used against you for plot!”

Whine, whine, whine, bitch, bitch, bitch. I bet you the author is going to stick her in Team 7 for no good reason.

''Yeah, whatever you say.'' The soon to be kunoichi groaned before receiving a tap on the back of the head from Chihiro

Main character despise all goodwill and warmth.

THE GOODWILL! IT BURNS! 

This is Katherine all over again. DAMMIT! GET THE PAN!

''Heh, excuse her behavior she isn't feeling well this morning gentlemen! Would you be so kind to escort us to see the Hokage?''

Translation: “She’s being a bitch and embarrassing me. Can we go?”

Translation to translation: Little cunt needed to be aborted.

We’re right back to overly formal, just talk like a normal person please.

''Sure.'' Izumo said before clearing his throat, ''Oh ANBUUUUUUUUUUU!'' He shouted in a sing-song voice

Escorting your whiney ass is bad enough, don’t embarrass the poor guy but having him do a singsong voice in the middle of the road. 

And like that (COMMA) two ANBU agents appeared before the four of them. ''Could you guys escort these ladies to see Lord Hokage? The little lady there is an exchange student from Iwagakure.'' Izumo explained.

You know that default icon you have when you don’t set your profile picture? That’s how I imagine all of these characters.

Y’know that feeling you get when you smell horseshit incoming? I’m getting that right now. OH WAIT! THIS WHOLE STORY IS BULLSHIT!

The two ANBU nod before motioning the Iwa ladies to follow suit. ''Man, she is a mean girl!" Kotetsu said once they were out of hearing range

Thank you Captain Obvious.

Holy shit! Someone who understands us! FINALLY!

More like she’s a mega bitch, who can’t stop whining about how she can’t stand Konahagakure’s inhabitants because one ninja killed her mom.

''She's from Iwa so it makes sense why she's acting like that so give the kid a break Kotetsu.'' Izumo said in a bossy voice

I’m sorry, what? Give the kid a break? No. She’s being rude to you for no valid reason.

“The readers would’ve needed to know the main plot line to understand anything that’s going on. I’d hate to be that guy.”

Author believes we can remember what happened 700+ episodes/mangas and ten movies ago.

''Well I sure hope she doesn't end up...killing some kids from our village considering that some bad blood still exists between us and them.''

On second thought, it probably wasn’t a good idea to let her in the village.

She’ll probably commit arson. Like the Kyuubi did. Too soon?

''I agree.'' Izumo concluded The two of them were left to sulk in depression as another day as gate guards begins.

 HAHAHA DEPRESSION IS FUNNY.

HAHAHA LIKE MY ALCOHOLISM!

HAHAHA YOU SERIOUSLY NEED HELP!

-Hokage Tower-

I’m fine. Really.

Chihiro, Kurotsuchi and the two ANBU are seen walking up the staircase towards the Hokage's office. After a few more minutes (COMMA) they finally approach the large double doors where the office is.

Yay for poor descriptions!

Wow, these descriptions almost make me feel like I’m actually there.

''Here we are, please go ahead and enter.'' One of the ANBU said ''Thank for your escort.'' Chihiro said

Nodding, the two ANBU then shunshin leaving the two ladies alone. Chihiro then bent down to where she was eye-level with Kurotsuchi. ''Now Kurotsuchi, I want you to be on your best behavior alright? For the love of Kami

Get it?! The Japanese word for God?! GET IT?!

Even though I’m sure Naruto has it’s own gods and legends right?

Stopderailingtheauthor’sjokewithyourfacts.

don't start anything with any of the young Konoha shinobi, don't pick fights and please don't insult the Hokage. That would be pretty bad since he knows the Tsuchikage's granddaughter is attending the shinobi exchange program.''

“He will have you shot.”

''I can't guarantee that Chihiro-san, my temper and arrogance gets the best of me sometimes so whatever I do you can blame the brats who pushed me.'' Kurotsuchi snorted

“I’m a cool teen that does whatever I want without any consequences! It’s their fault for crossing me!”

Jesus, it’s Sasgay.

Sasuke has a better attitude than her.

''YOUNG LADY.'' Chihiro shouted as her eyes glow red sending waves of killer intent towards the little girl

Good job reprimanding her by reminding her that she is, in fact, a young female.

''Ung!''

A+ dialogue.

Sounds like the name of a character from Dawn of the Croods.

Way to make her sound constipated.

''You're our representative for this program, since we are so low on shinobi we can only send you and you seriously better behave! Make Iwagakure look good you hear me? Most importantly, make Lord Tsuchikage look good.''

You’re really expecting her to understand something like that? I thought better of you Assistant Chihiro.

Assistant is expecting a lot of Shitty Protagonist.

I find it funny that she’s expecting her NOT to mess this up.

Kurotsuchi knew she was right, she can't screw up and now she had to throw away her hatred of Konoha aside if she wanted to even be a kunoichi. ''Fine, I understand Chihiro-san. I promise to behave.'' Kurotsuchi sighed with honesty in her words

“Even though I don’t really. I’ll probably spend most of the story making this a living hell for just about everyone here.”

“I don’t give a shit about anyone.”

“I’m just gonna throw a tantrum and make everyone's life hell until they get sick of me and send me home.”

Chihiro smiled, maybe Kurotsuchi would pull through and get through the ninja academy without causing any problems. Getting up she balls her hand into a fist ready to knock on the door.(SPACE)''Ready Kurotsuchi? She asked turning to look at the girl

“Even if you’re not, I’m still going to knock anyway.”

YAY PLOT!

''Yes.'' Chihiro then knock on the door three times as loud as she could. The two of them were greeted with silence

Oh, hey silence! How’s it going? Creeping in stories with ridiculous prose I see!

Silence, why did you leave us with wall texts!?

before a voice spoke. ''Come in.''

So descriptive.

Chihiro then grabs the door(ONE WORD)knob and turns it opening the door and they enter the office. Closing the door behind them Chihiro turns to face the Hokage and the two of them were greeted by an elderly man Kurotsuchi guessed was the same age as the Tsuchikage. He had a warm smile on his face and was smoking a pipe.

Ah, you look like an asshole. Not because of your nonexistent character description, but because you’re from ~Konoha~.

Cos all old people with pies are assholes.

''Ah, are you the two lovely ladies from Iwagakure? I am Hiruzen Sarutobi and I am the Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato.'' He welcomed

No, just no. Be consistent with your naming. This makes your writing look sloppy jumping between the english dubbed name and the full japanese name of the village.

Kurotsuchi is no lady with how she acts. She’s acting like a spoiled brat. Jesus this IS Katherine.

''Yes, I have brought young Kurotsuchi here to attend your academy as part of the Shinobi Exchange on behalf of the Tsuchikage.'' Chihiro explained

You should have already known that, but I’m not going to say anything about it.

I’ve given up on the plot.

This political motive is still lame.

Smiling, the Hokage looks at Kurotsuchi. The girl was a bit apprehensive but when she saw that his eyes had a look of calm and kindness in them she sighed in relief.

Because she wasn’t trained enough to keep her guard up no matter what just by looking in someone's eyes.

“Stop being so nice to me and let me hate you!”

“Let me be an angsty bitch that hates the entire village for no good reason.”

“My mother IS dead, but I blame the whole place.”

''Hm, and do you have your files? Any important documents you will need to enroll in our academy young Kurotsuchi?''

Again, you trusted the ten-year-old with the important paperwork.

Nodding, Kurotsuchi takes her file out of her pack and walks up to the elderly man. Taking it from the girl Hiruzen then proceeds to look over her enrollment papers that came with the packet. Nodding in satisfaction he then places the papers on his desk.

And the plot continues at a snail’s pace.

There was a plot?

''Well then, your grandfather must really want you to be part of the program. I'll gladly mail this to the academy headmaster and you will receive a letter in the mail that will confirm your acceptance.'' ''Thank you Lord Hokage.'' Kurotsuchi said politely as she bows

“But not really. I still fucking hate your guts.”

I called it when she was gonna start going soft the moment she came here.

She’s the angsty teen character, that's exactly what’s going to happen.

''Haha, no need for formalities young lady, today I'm feeling very jolly so just call me Hokage-sama okay?''

Which is still formal.

First time you use formalities correctly is when you say don’t use them. GAH!

San would be more casual than sama. Just saying.

''Oh, okay Hokage-sama.'' Kurotsuchi chuckled

“I still hate you and everyone in this village. Now quit being nice and let my hate fester.”

''Ahem, now I will give you your address to the apartment complex you will live in with the other village exchange students. Don't worry about not being guarded because I have ANBU guarding the apartment 24/7 just in case anyone dares to try and attack children from other villages. Your safety is our utmost concern.'' Hiruzen said with a smile

“This isn’t effective anywhere outside the apartments so you’re pretty much on your own everywhere else. Pretty counter-intuitive, right?”

“Even though this is the first time we’ve done exchanges with ninjas.”

He then takes a pen and writes down the address to the complex before handing it to Kurotsuchi. ''There you go, that will be all. So do you have anything else to say before I send you off?''

Now would be the time to request bail.

-Prepares ceremonial noose-

''Nothing here for me to say Lord Hokage, thank you for having Kurotsuchi here in your village. I'm sure Lord Tsuchikage would be pleased.'' Chihiro said with a bow ''No problem, will that be all?'

“Yeah, can I punch you since I hate you?”

The two Iwa ladies shake their heads in response before Hiruzen dismissed them. They proceed to leave the tower and make their way towards the front entrance of the building. Chihiro bends down to Kurotsuchi's level to bid her farewell. ''Well Kurotsuchi, this is where I have to leave you dear. You going to be okay on your own?'' She questioned

In other words, you’re not going to fuck up, are you?

I sense future fucking up.

''Yeah yeah, I'm a big girl now so don't stress out. I'll find my way to the complex.'' Kurotsuchi answered with confidence

“I’m a big kid now!”

“I wear huggies!”

“I’m sooooooo gonna get lost.”

''Good, be on your best behavior and we'll see you at graduation.'' Kissing her on the forehead Chihiro then waves good-bye before walking off and disappearing into the crowd.

Well, that was awkward.

“I don't have to deal with your ass anymore, BYE BITCH!”

Kurotsuchi then looks at the paper with the address on it and begins making her way there.

How does she magically know her way around?

-Apartment complex, 1 hour later-

Hahahaha. You must really like those FUCKING transitions. Hahahaha...

FUCK YOU!

Kurotsuchi spent over an hour looking for her apartment complex but it was no easy task. She got lost five minutes after she began her search. 'Man! Konoha is no doubt the largest village of them all! I never got lost in Iwa like this before.'

“It has nothing to do with the fact that I lived in Iwa up to this point!”

“KONOHA SUCKS! BUT I LIKE HOW BIG IT IS!"

That’s because genius you lived there your entire life, this is new territory.

Walking into the door she shows the front desk receptionist her exchange papers and receives the key to her apartment. Thanking the receptionist (COMMA) she then makes her way up to the third floor where her apartment is.

Wow~ So descriptive~!

How much do you bet this is the complex Naruto lives at?

I bet all of Jack Sparrow’s rum.

''Let's see...C-1, C-2, Ah! Here is apartment C-3.'' Taking her key she unlocks the door and opens it. She was greeted to cool air to which she sighs in relief. 'Wow! The A.C. is already on!' She thought as she walks into the living room.

Turns out her apartment is a giant white box. No furniture or anything.

Just an A.C.

Setting her pack on the desk in the kitchen she notices an envelope and a note on the table for her. Picking it up she opens the envelope and finds over $500,000 for food shopping and other necessities that she may need later on.

In AMERICAN? THEY USE JAPANESE MONEY DUMBASS!! ALSO! THAT MUCH IN FOOD?! FOR ONE PERSON!?

IT’S CALLED YEN, YOU FOOL. THEY DON’T EVEN USE YEN IN NARUTO ANYWAY. *ahem* Needless to say, she has to be a heavy eater or else she won’t pair well with her ~love interest~

Taking the note she reads it, Dear Kurotsuchi,

This is a letter from me, Hiruzen Sarutobi and I just wanted to let you know I am glad that you have decided to attend the Konoha ninja academy on behalf of your grandfather Tsuchikage Onoki and the exchange program to help improve relations between our two nations. In the envelope if you haven't opened it yet contains enough ryo to last you the entire four years you will be in the academy. Please spend it wisely on things you will need such as food, clothes, hygiene and cleaning products. Do not worry about bills because the power, water and other household utilities are free as part of being in the program. Once again I thank you and welcome you to Konohagakure no Sato and I hope you enjoy your stay and your future career as an Iwa kunoichi in service to Konoha. -Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage

He seems to really like bending over backwards for these exchange students.

Couldn’t you at least have made the letter a different text like italics?

No, that would be too much work.

Smirking,

“Ha, that’s right! You’re my bitch!”

“I WON’T SPEND THE MONEY WISELY!”

Kurotsuchi puts the letter aside and opens her fridge to find it stocked up! ''Holy crap! The old man planned ahead huh?'', Looking into the fridge's shelves she spots several frozen meats, Sriracha sauce, frozen yogurt, dumpling recipes and various fruit juices. Peeking at the top of the fridge she spots two gallons of water and two 24-packs of water bottles stacked atop one another. Moving onwards towards the counter she sees cooking utensils placed neatly and orderly. Taking a chair (COMMA) she climbs onto the counter-top and opens up the shelves and sees various cooking ingredients such as salt, pepper and everything you would want.

You take the time to describe this, but nothing else?

Cos food is priority apparently.

Obviously. 

''You know, maybe being here wouldn't be THAT bad..'' She whispered to herself

You only think this because you don’t have to work for any of that.

Fat bitch.

She then proceeds to unpack her bag and takes out a fresh pair of clothes to shower. Thirty minutes later she exits the shower and jumps onto the couch in the living room. ''The couch feels nice, much better than those old ones back home.''

“My bastard grandpa was right! I do like it better here!”

Wow. -__- Guess you forgot your mother’s death. But I’m sure it’ll come back up for plot.

She’ll probably meet her killer and kill them to avenge her mother, knowing our luck.

Deciding that sitting and laying would be boring she decided that she might as well go out and explore the village a little since it's better to know it now than later so she doesn't get lost. Getting up she then heads out the door and begins her self(HYPHEN)tour of the village.

Silly nugget. Didn’t you forget you got lost?

Apparently yes.

She has the attention span of a goldfish.

-Konoha Streets-

HahahaHAHAHAHAHA. I’m going to end you.

ʕ╯°ᴥ°ʔ╯FUCK IT!

After over two hours of walking through the village and finding where the food, shinobi and clothing stores were she was starting to feel hungry and thought it would be a good idea to get some lunch. Checking her little watch (COMMA) she saw that it was around one in the afternoon. ''Hm, I wonder if this dump has any good places worth eating at.''

Yes, this ‘dump’ is more put together and reformed than your dump you call home as stated in the first couple of paragraphs.

Even after being raveged by a giant fox. (I mean their repairs are kind shoddy in some places)

Well according to this, they did get bombed several months prior, so the dumpiness has to be stated twice.

She said as she stops to take a quick look around. One stand catches her eye. A ramen stand that had a sign sporting the words 'Ichiraku Ramen!'. ''Well I guess ramen will do since it looks relatively friendly and cheap.'' She said to herself as she walks up to the shop.

“Still a dump though.”

“Still hate it here. Just like the food.”

Taking a seat (COMMA. YOU REALLY LIKE GERUNDS, I SEE) she notices that the stand only had about twelve seats and was really small but had a really nice and friendly atmosphere to it. She spots a girl with brown hair who appeared to be a year older

Your powers of observation are lacking and at the same time are sharp enough to tell the minute age gap between you and an absolute stranger.

Semi-All knowing MC.

than her cleaning the dishes while an older man in his mid-thirties was seen prepping the broth for the noodles. She sat there silently before the girl spotted her.

Speak dammit, I get you’re from the land of ROCKS, but you are not a ROCK! AAAAAAAGH!

I know you have the emotional capacity of a potato, but the least you can do is use your words instead of awkwardly sitting there.

Sitting around and being awkward is the best social interaction dontcha know?

''Hi! Welcome to Ichiraku ramen! What can I get you?'' The girl said in a very cheerful tone ''Oh, um this is my first time here... (CAPITALIZE)actually this is my first time in this village so I don't really know what you have..'' Kurotsuchi replied

Well, ramen for starters.

There weren't ramen stands at your home? You know, literally the cheapest meal ever besides crackers. ALSO READ THE MENU BITCH!

''I think I can guess why you haven't been here before young lady. It's because you're in the shinobi exchange program (COMMA) right?'' The older man said without looking at her

That man must be a mindreader!

MORE ALL KNOWING CHARACTERS!

''Erm, yeah that's why. I'm from Iwagakure.''

And as such I show no emotion. Beep boop. Kill all humans.

Beep boop. KILL ALL OF KONOHA. Beep beep boop.

I am a robot. Beep bop beep boing.

''Iwa huh? Never met anyone from there before so it's a pleasure! I'm Teuchi and this fine little lady here is my daughter Ayame.'' Teuchi introduced with a bow ''Nice to meet you!'' Ayame greeted ''Kurotsuchi, likewise.''

“I lack a last name because it makes me cool.”

“You’re not cool enough to know my last name.”

''You know since it's your first time here I'll give you a free bowl on the house.'' Teuchi said as he dumps some ramen into the broth to cook

Great business, give the little whore a free bowl just cos she’s new. Gold star!

Shut it, that’s a good strategy to get the little bitch to show up again!

-,,,,- This does not please Zoidberg.

''I mean, if you insist that is.'' Kurotsuchi shrugged

“I have the emotional capacity of exactly half of a teaspoon.”

That’s not very much.

''Hey it's on the house!''

“So, you’ll spend money here, right?

''Oh fine. Thanks anyway.''

I’m sorry, but the command “gratitude” is currently unavailable. Please try again later.

Thankful.exe has stopped working.

After about five minutes another person comes into the stall and takes a seat two stools away from Kurotsuchi. Looking out the corner of her eye she could make out a boy with spiky blonde (BLOND) hair about her age. Turning to face him completely she saw that he had blue eyes and whisker marks on his cheeks that made him look a bit feral.

I FUCKING CALLED IT!

After the last story, the word “feral” gives me PTSD

This feral enough?

I will bury you alive (ʘ‿ʘ✿)

I’m taking the rum with me.

''Oh! Daddy, Naruto is here!" Ayame shouted in glee

I read this as ‘Daddy naruto’ oh god.

''Get him his usual!'' Teuchi called out The blonde (BLOND IS FOR MALES, BLONDE IS FOR FEMALES) boy sat there with a huge smile on his face. Noticing the girl sitting close to him he turns his head and looks her way. The two lock eyes for a moment before Naruto gave her his trademark grin then turning away.

Despite never being to the village before nor meeting the main character, she knows exactly what his trademark grin is.

Bruh… She’s back to all knowing again.

There was something about the look in his eyes that got Kurotsuchi curious. While his eyes and smile displayed happiness Kurotsuchi saw a sense of loneliness and depression.

Oops, your all knowing narrator syndrome is showing again.

Goddammit, even Jacob was this all knowing.

Of course you’re curious, you want something to compare to.

''Hiya! I'm Naruto! You can send the love letters later, nice to meet you!" The blonde (BLOND) greeted with his foxy grin as he looks back at her

You can send the love letters later? Seriously, that is way out of character for him.

That right there is the epitome of a lady killer. Figuratively and maybe literally.

Why is NOBODY saying their last names when meeting each other!?

''Uh, yeah..'' She said as a bowl of ramen was placed in front of her, 'Oh dang, that actually looks really good!'

“I was expecting a piece of trash from a trash town!”

“I hate this stupid trash town and its stupid trash people.”

Did you just expect disgusting slop or something?

''Enjoy!'' Ayame said before giving the blonde (BLOND) his bowl. ''Thanks Ayame!'' He shouted as he goes to devour his bowl in 2.5 seconds

Exactly. Not a second more.

He doesn’t even eat that fast in the actual manga and anime.  ʕ>ಠᴥಠʔ> ======= O

Evidently we must over exaggerate how fast the boy can eat.

Kurotsuchi was taking her second bite when she looked at the boy and her eyes nearly rocketed out of her sockets. That blonde (BLOND) had already eaten twelve bowls while she was only on her second bite!

 Pretty sure he would have choked. Which might have been preferable given who the love interest is.

You know what Kuro’s gonna choke on later? ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ Naruto’s salami.

Che?

*pat pat* When you’re older Coffee.

'Holy crap, how the heck does he do that? No human on earth can eat that fast!' She thought with a deadpan expression

Dead like her mother.

(ಥ﹏ಥ) Dead like my will to live.

Another five minutes would go by and when Kurotsuchi got halfway through her bowl she turned and looked and saw over twenty more empty bowls stacked up beside the boy.

Is he just allowed to do that? Eating that much ramen costs a bit. It’s a business, not a charity.

I know Naruto eats ramen A LOT, but he doesn’t eat this MUCH DAMMIT!

Good lord you take forever to eat.

'This guy doesn't hold back when it comes to eating huh?'

Nope.

Picking up the pace Kurotsuchi devours her bowl just as Naruto finished bowl number twenty-two. Burping he turns to look at the girl giving her a grin. ''I see you trying to eat as fast as me huh? Think you can do better?'' He asked

Of course she does! She’s the main character!

Cos MC’s can do anything!

Kurotsuchi just scoffed before a second bowl was placed in front of her. With the utmost efficiency (COMMA.) she managed to devour it in five seconds much to Naruto's surprise.

You are paying for that one, right?

“I’ve never done this before or eat eat ramen at all but watch me down this shit like  beer!”

''Haha! That was fast but not fast enough!'' Naruto said as another bowl was placed in front of him and to Kurotsuchi's surprise he ate it in literally a quarter of a millisecond.

Chewing is no longer a necessity. He just unhinges his jaw and devours it whole. The bowl included.

She’s gonna win, I just know it. Or she loses and follows Naruto to his home.

''What the?!'' She said Setting the bowl down the blonde (HAVE I MADE MY POINT YET?)turns to face the girl with his supposed signature grin. ''Think you can top that girly?'' He questioned

But of course she’s gonna.

“Girly?”, Naruto doesn’t call anyone girly, you’re letting his OOC show again.  

With a tic mark forming on her head she pounds on the counter and screams ''Third bowl! Now!"

“MY PRIDE IS AT STAKE HERE! I CAN’T LOSE TO THIS TRASH PERSON FROM THIS TRASH TOWN.”

“MUST WIN AT SOMETHING I’VE NEVER DONE BEFORE!”

''Here you go!" Teuchi said Grabbing the bowl and putting it against her face she proceeds to devour it at a speed that was considered inhuman that even Naruto was once again taken by surprise. 'I won't lose! Kurotsuchi always wins because I'm the best!' Two hours later..

Oh lookie… A time skip. This stand’s out of business by now.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

After over two hours having a ramen eating contest

Really? Two hours have passed? Are you sure? I know you told us in that God-awful transition, but just got to be certain.

neither of them were aware of the two of them had eaten a total of one-hundred bowls each and now they were on their last bowls as their little stomachs were on the verge of exploding.

Fucking really? If Naruto’s draining bowls in 2.5 seconds he’d be beyond 100 in TWO FUCKING HOURS!

They had to stop before the bill became even more outrageous. Which I hope they’re paying for.

They’re not going to and we all know it. She has to win because “she’s the best.”

''I...I won't lose to you (COMMA) blondie.'' Kurotsuchi moaned as she takes her chopsticks and takes a bite of some ramen

Bet this won’t be the only time she moans around Naruto.  ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ wink wink nudge nudge

SCROTAL PUNCH!

NOOOO! (ಥ﹏ಥ)

You kinda should have expected that.

''Y..yeah sure...I'm a natu-*Burp* (THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE DIALOGUE)-ral at this..'' Naruto groaned as he tries to take one last bite but before he could put the ramen in his mouth his head slumps forward and lands on the counter. His body seemingly unconscious.

I think he might be dead.

*pokes the body with a stick* nope he twitched, still alive.

Can’t kill Love Interest off, whose MC gonna use a pillow to cry on when she remembers Dead Mama?

''Yes!'' Kurotsuchi shouted with her arms raised

Of course she fucking won. -__-. RAMEN IS LITERALLY ALL NARUTO CAN AFFORD FOR A MEAL! BESIDES SPOILED MILK!

Teuchi and Ayame couldn't help but laughed at the two children.

“I can’t wait so see their faces when I show them the bill.”

Considering Asian currency is often a much lower value, I’ll say the ‘500,000’ is actually more so around a much lower amount in American, so she wasted it all on ramen. TWO HOURS OF TWO AND A HALF SECOND BOWLS OF RAMEN FROM A SHITTY STAND!

He gave her enough for four years, she not running out for awhile.

Fun fact, one US dollar is equal to ten ryo, the official currency in Naruto. Also there are 3600 seconds in an hour. So eating 2.5 seconds consistently for two hours gets about 2880 bowls. Average ramen at a shop like this one costs usually no more than 500 yen (50 ryo). This get’s you about 144,000 ryo ($14,000). And that’s just accounting for one of them, not counting the bowls that Naruto had devoured before starting this competition.

Lucky for them, the writer had mentioned it was only 100 bowls a piece. So instead of that number it’s more like 5000 ryo ($500) per person. Which is still expensive.

But that doesn’t make since, if it’s only one hundred bowls, that means they must’ve slowed down A LOT to make that amount, together, in two hours. Also: Why didn’t the owner stop them. Surely they just ate most of his stock for the day.

''Aaaaaand I believe the winner is the young Iwa exchange student!'' Teuchi declared while Ayame applaud, ''Congrats! Looks like Naruto has a rival!'' ''W-whatever...''

“I-It’s not like I like you or anything! B-Baka!”

AHAHAHHAHA. Get out.

Kurotsuchi said as she devours her last bowl before she performs a hand seal for a technique that allows her full stomach to immediately digest all the food.

That’s cheating!

(ಥ﹏ಥ) Really?

''There, all better, thanks for the food old guy!'' Kurotsuchi says as she takes off

“I’m not gonna pay for it, What’s-Your-Face.”

She keeps her money, like the little slut she is.

Checking her watch she saw that it was about five in the evening and decided to go look around for the training fields. After thirty minutes of searching she found the Third Training Field where she hoped she could practice some moves in peace away from the bustling village. She enters the field and the sight was quite nice compared to the Iwa training fields. It was in the middle of a small forest with a large river cutting through the middle of it that led to a lake a quarter mile away.

Lookie Coffee! No transitions!

Truly a marvelous day.

Oh, happy day!

''Huh, I guess this place is somewhat nice.'' She said to herself before taking out a small scroll from her small pack and focuses some chakra-

HOLY SHIT! FIRST TIME CHAKRA WAS MENTIONED! HOLY FUCK!

It’s a miracle, actual show related stuff is being described!  0_0

- into her hand. Placing it on the scroll a sword materializes and she unsheathes it and begins practicing some Kendo techniques for over a few hours before deciding to head back to her apartment.

Well, the descriptiveness didn’t last long. 

-Shopping District of Konoha, the same night-

Yeah, no. Everything is fine. EvERYTHING IS FUCKING DANDY. I’M NOT MAD. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE MAD?

FUCK! I HAD TO SAY SOMETHING!

IT IS OFFICIALLY YOUR FAULT FOR THIS.

Yep, gif sums it up.

NO IT DOESN’T. THAT DOESN’T EVEN SCRATCH THE SURFACE.

It was around eight at night now and Kurotsuchi was walking the now semi quiet streets of Konoha.

Descriptions are top-notch as usual. (Read as lacking)

As the Cromulons would say: DISQUALIFIED!

 She was glad she was walking home at this time because during the day Konoha was jam packed with people moving around making it pretty challenging to walk the streets. Since it was eight now traffic had died down about 40% making travel much easier.

 40% precisely, based on what she only saw that one day.

All-Knowing Syndrome is back.

She continued walking until she heard a huge commotion up the street and saw a mob of sorts doing what she believed was chasing someone.

Taking bets now. $50 says it’s her love interest.

$40 on it being Chihiro.

''Huh, who pissed those guys off?'' She whispered to herself, ''Oh well, none of my business.''

Oh boy, villagers chasing someone at night, who ever could it be. -__-. +100 points for using originality.

She was about to turn the other direction when she heard what sounded like a child shout in pain, ''What the hell?'' She said before running towards the mob.

 Chronic Hero Syndrome +50.

As she was approaching the mob she heard various sentences being said. ''Kill the demon!''

 Yep, it’s Love Interest. -hands Coffee 50 bucks- Dammit.

I’ll take that!

''You will pay for what you did all those years ago!’’

Mob mentality of course -.-.

+2 points for great speech. -__-

''Time to die!''

Sooooo original. -___-

Oh no, not Naruto! The true MC!

Quickly, save your love interest even though you supposedly hate this town and everyone in it!

She made her way directly behind the mob and spotted a mix of shinobi and villagers carrying various weapons such as pitchforks, katanas, kusarigamas and torches.

+50 points for having professionally trained shinobi join in instead of stopping.

This is some Frankenstein-esque shit.

This is unoriginal. I see it in NEARLY EVERY DAMN NARUTO FANFIC!

Peaking (PEEKING) through the gaps of their legs (COMMA AND STOP ABUSING GERUNDS) she saw someone familiar. It was that blonde (NO E UNLESS NARUTO IS A LADY) Naruto kid from the ramen stand! The boy was in a fetal position cowering in fear before the mob.

“We are strangely prone to violence here!”

I mean if he’s ten and has this many adults wanting to beat him up, I can’t blame him.

The problem here is that the adults didn’t join in the beating, they just verbally berated him. It was the kids and teenagers that beat the hell out of him.

''These idiots are picking on some kid?

And how old are you, kid?

TEN! LIKE HIM! YOU CAN’T DO SHIT! LEAST KATHERINE HAD A PAN! I MEAN PLAN!

Well I'll show them who's boss!...Wait...I'll only cause a problem if I attack anyone from here..damn.'' She said to herself, ''Guess I'll just save the blondie and get out of here.''

You guess. It’s the only way to move the plot forward.

This is the part where you get creative and not just wing it.

Save him so you can get that sweet smoked salami later ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

With that Kurotsuchi then hops over the mob and lands in between them and the blonde (IS HE A LADY?) holding her hand protectively in front of Naruto.

Who even is Kurotsuchi? Like I do not remember her at all. Never mind, looked her up: She’s actually a nice looking character and nicely developed as a person. In This story? Not so much.

“For some reason I care about this particular piece of trash. If he’s dead, he can’t foot the bill!”

Feeling the presence of someone looming over him Naruto opens his eyes and spots a person standing in front of him separating him from the mob with their hand held in front of him as if protecting him. 'It's that girl from the Ichiraku's!' He thought recognizing the girl

Somewhere in the background, someone yelled, “One of you fuckers owes us a shit-ton of money!”

“And a new supply of ingredients!”

''Who the hell are you girl?'' One of the villagers asked

She ate more than the living black hole called Naruto.

''Why the heck are you picking on some kid? She replied

“He can’t pay his - definitely not mine- debt if he’s dead! Do you know how much he -not me- spent tonight?!”

Again MC goes back to being a heartless bitch, remembering the town is stupid and trash.

''Don't protect that demon spawn! He destroyed our village years ago and now we will destroy him and avenge our fallen comrades!'' One of the shinobi yelled

“It’s totally his fault for all of that!”

“Avenge our fallen comrades”, “He destroyed our village years ago and now we will destroy him”, “demon spawn” Nobody talks this formally anymore, get with the program.

“HE HAS WHISKERS! MUST BE ONE OF THEM THERE FURRY FELLAS!”

“That’s reason enough to kill him!”

''You're all scum for picking on a defenseless kid. Especially you (COMMA) shinobi! You're supposed to protect your comrades not hurt them let alone a poor child!" Kurotsuchi spat before one of the Chunin charged forth with a katana ready to cut Kurotsuchi down.

Somehow, they’re even worse trash than MC thought prior.

Better than ICP.

Seriously? They wouldn’t attack unless she presented herself as a threat you idiot.

What can I say? Author’s a dumbass.

'Oh man, just what I need.'

“Screw it! I don’t give a rat’s ass about my village’s reputation! Just as long as I can satisfy my BLOODLUST.”

“I don’t care if my grandpa, who's my leader, gets mad at me!”

Kurotsuchi took her katana-

Where the fuck did your katana come from?

You ask where thy magical sword is produced from? Her butt ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Pulled straight from her ass.

Just like the author did when writing this shitfest.

and swung it with enough force to swat the Chunin's katana right out of his grip catching the man by surprise. ''What the?!'' He shouted before Kurotsuchi karate chopped his temple knocking him out cold. Chuckling in satisfaction she turns to face the crowd, ''So who's next?'' She said challenging the mob to try her

Haha, really hope no one takes her seriously… There’s no way an untrained student can take down multiple Chunin.

She’s the all powerful MC, of course she can take them all down. *heavy sarcasm*

Meh, I’m sure nobody is, maybe the chunin let her win to make her ego flare.

Just as she said that two more Chunin charged towards her with kunai in hand and like the one before she effortlessly dodged all their attacks and proceeded to knock one of them out before choking the other out cold. Tossing his body aside two villagers came at her and she performed a roundhouse kick knocking them both backwards against the nearby dumpster. After several more minutes of ass(TWO WORDS)kicking Kurotsuchi had managed to beat the mob leaving them beaten into unconsciousness. Naruto was just staring at her in awe.

Turns out they were a bunch of regular villagers. There were also apparently no guards or any form of security to prevent this. Kurotsuchi was sent back home in a bodybag.

Cos a small, untrained, child waving a big sword can defeat fully trained ninjas, and I’m sure there had to be at least ONE Jonin there.

Sooo I’m supposed to buy that she effortlessly beat up half the village, well trained shinobi and walked away without even a single scratch? Yeah, no. Not buying it.

Cracking her neck and her knuckles she lets out a sigh of content. ''Now that was worth the work out!''

 You pulverized them with as much effort as it takes most of us to sneeze and you call it a work out.

Sad this is a canon character and the Author’s using her like a Mary Sue.

She declared before Naruto started speaking, ''Wow! That was so cool! I've never seen anyone kick butt like that! You are really good!'' The blonde (IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE IMPLYING?) declared

YES! MARVEL AT HER AWESOME POWER.

But don’t the villagers kick YOUR but like that? ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Turning to face the boy she couldn't help but smirk, ''I only beat them because shinobi in your village are weak, that's why they got what they got by a ten-year old like me. I'm awesome and they suck end of story.'' She boasted,

“I’m making this all up to impress you, even if you are a piece of trash! B-Baka!”

“I’m awesome and they suck, end of story.” Such… Oh fuck it I give up. Bring me the 50 year old scotch.

I can practically see the bubble that is her ego inflating.

Quick! Someone get a needle!

Did someone say needle? ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ I got some good fucking heroin for sale.

Nah, I’m good. I already have my coffee, the best kind of drug. (◕ヮ◕)

 ''So what did you do to make all these people want to kill you?'' ''Urm, well I never really did anything at all actually.'' He answered ''Suuuuuuuuuure.'' Kurotsuchi snorted,

I don’t know. He looks ten, but he has the eyes of a killer.

He’s a Yiffer, burn him. Oh god I just angered the Furries again.

She’s gonna learn the village secret here in the next few paragraphs I bet.

''Well it's getting late so you should head on home.'' She ordered as she handed him a handkerchief to clean off his bloody nose. ''Clean that blood off your face, you look like a mess.'' She ordered before she turns to hop over the rooftops. Just as she was about to hop Naruto reached out and grabbed her arm. ''Wait!'' Turning back Kurotsuchi shot an annoyed glare at the blonde (HE HAS A NAME YOU KNOW. OR IS IT SHE?) boy. ''What?''

 “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you skipping out of the bill!”

“OH! Sure I’ll pay it later” Never pays.

''W-what's your name?'' He asked

He’s probably going to send the bill straight to your address.

That’s what I’d do.

'Should I tell him my name or shouldn't I? Oh fine, I guess it wouldn't hurt. I mean it's only polite.' She thought

Even though politeness is something you also lacked the entire story up until now.

*coughs*bitch!*coughs*

''My name is Kurotsuchi.'' Smiling, Naruto gave her his trademark grin, ''I'm Naruto Uzumaki!'' He declared with a thumbs up. ''Um, you told me already but whatever.'' She said before hopping away

Shut your mouth! What happened to being polite?

But he didn’t tell you his LAST name tho! So there you go!

Naruto was left standing there in awe. ''She's cool...'' He mumbled to himself as a blush forms on his face

Figuratively and if I had my way, literally frozen in a block of ice to match her emotional depth.

I feel literally no connection between them. It’s AngelXEmily all over.

He then begins walking home towards his apartment complex. -Naruto's apartment complex-

You know what? Okay, fine. I’m not going to freak out about this. I will rip out your intestines and use them as a skip rope

/╲/\╭ ʕಥᴥಥʔ╮/\╱\ About time I scuttle outta here.

Naruto was making his way up the stairs of his apartment complex before coming up to his door. Reaching into his pocket he takes his keys and unlocks his door and enters it.

Descriptive descriptions are descriptive. Unlike this paragraph.

Unknown to him however that during his entire walk back to his apartment Kurotsuchi was watching him from the rooftops.

In an Edward Cullen-esque manner.

Watching him enter his apartment she then turns to head to hers. There was only one thought going through her mind.

/╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\ Is that the ending I see? Has God came to save us?

Why was she feeling very caring towards him?

He’s the main character.

He’s the future love interest.

So that concludes the first chapter of my attempt at a NaruKuro story. I know it won't be perfect but I hoped you enjoyed regardless

Oh, hon. We know.

CONCLUSION

The plot was shaky at best. The amount of convenient plot devices were atrocious, much like your blatant gerund-abuse. The main character isn't very likable and was hardly like the canon character you were supposedly writing. Granted, there is room for development. Your writing was lacking in descriptiveness and commas. It was a boring read, end of story. It needs work, but it is still somewhat salvageable if you take the time and actually think it through 4/10

I rate this as a single gif. WHY!? BECAUSE YOU TOOK A GREAT CANON CHARACTER, MASHED THEM WITH YOUR OWN TEEN ANGST AND SHAT IT OUT AS IF SHE WERE SOME GODDAMN MARY FUCKING SUE OC! YOU SIR DISGUST ME! AND YOU’RE ATTEMPT AT A BLOOMING ROMANCE IS SHITTY! THE PLOTS SHITTY! EVERYTHING IS SHITTY! I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HAVE TO REVIEW EVEN A SECOND MORE OF THIS SHIT I WILL FIND YOU AND STRANGLE YOU LIKE HOMER STRANGLES BART FUCKING SIMPSON! I give you my ultimate rating:

I’m calm now, anyways, that about sums my thoughts, what about you Tea?

The dialogue is incredibly unrealistic, the plot is half baked, if not completely raw. This side character has no place in Konohagakure at all but yet here we are with some idiotic and unrealistic political element that makes no sense. I give this a 1/10.

-Coffee, Tea, and Jagerbomb

#bad fanfiction #naruto fanfiction #sporking #fanfiction review #obscure review