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cffneaddct · 2 months

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to be seen.

Tell me, how does it feel?

When I tell you that it's okay to not feel like going out for the day.

Or when I tell you small details about yourself that perhaps even you didn't quite realise before.

When I noticed that you were hungry from the way your eyes stared at the croissant that I had just bought.

Or when I offered you a ride home because you were too lazy to walk.

Tell me, does it feel nice?

To have someone who cared and understood you when no one else would.

To have someone who gladly observes you when no one else would.

To have someone who offers to do things for you when no one else would.

To have someone who always volunteered for you to lean on when no one else would.

Tell me, how could you not realise?

Sometimes I want you to comfort me, but you don't seem to care or understand.

Sometimes I want you to notice me, but you never took the time to observe.

Sometimes I want to try the pastries you ordered, but you never offered them.

Sometimes I want you to walk me home, but you didn't want to be someone I could lean on.

Tell me, should I leave?

Should I leave you crying, because you didn't feel like yourself for the day?

Should I leave you feeling lonely, because no one is there to look at you?

Should I leave you hungry, because I don't want to share my food with someone else?

Should I leave you feeling scared, because no one is there to safely escort you home?

Tell me, how does it feel?

To not be seen?

#rant post #sort of #poetry i guess #does this count as poetry?#im just tired #feeling lonely #for no particular reason #or i guess #there is a reason #but i dont know what #or maybe i do

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cffneaddct · 5 months

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"The Moon is Beautiful, isn't It?"

If God gave me the right to paint the night sky

No star would shine as bright as your eyes in the twilight

As we spend our time together, I let our a silent prayer

Hoping that this precious moment will last forever

I still remember the way your lips would dance

And I couldn't help but wonder if I should take that chance?

If I'm the artist, then you'll always be my muse

My art can't do you justice, but you're the one I'll always choose

I still remember the melody of your voice

You're so mesmerising; it seems like you didn't have much of a choice

Without you here, I'm nothing; without me, you will still be everything

Even when you have nothing to offer, you're still the one star I can't reach

When you're gone, I feel empty; when I'm gone, you will still be complete

Even when dawn is coming, you're still the brightest star the eye can see

You are the moon and I'm the tide, I will follow you until our hearts collide

The calming glow from your smile pulls me towards your side, and I soon realise-

- that my love for you grows as days go by

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cffneaddct · 5 months

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Dissonant

I want to quit music.

Every time I sat down in front of my piano, that nauseous feeling just won't go away.

What am I doing with my life, honestly?

If only I had the brains of a scholar, or the brawns of an athlete, then maybe I wouldn't be wasting my time with this God-forsaken instrument my whole life.

Every time I took a glance at my friends, that sickening feeling of jealousy would bubble up inside of me.

How are they so smart? How are they so fit? It was as if they were born to be successful people, and I'm just here with a stupid piano and nothing more.

I hate it.

I hate the fact that they admire my musical skills.

"If only I could play the piano as good as you," they would say, "If only I was as talented as you."

They don't understand. Without the piano, I'm nothing. My worth is solely determined by this thing you call "talent" for it's the only thing I am good at.

Once God decides to take this away from me, I'll have nothing left. I would just become an empty shell, useless and broken. A waste of oxygen.

What if I want to do something else other than music? Will I be able to succeed?

Everyone expects me to pursue a music career, but what if I don't want to? What if it's just a hobby?

But of course, just the thought of me leaving music behind is already a laughingstock, for how can someone with such talent decide to waste their gift?

At this point, I know for a fact that the only way for me to survive in this harsh world is through music. It's the only thing I have.

Holding back my discontent, I would put my fingers on the keys and play.

I always wondered, can people sense my disdain towards music from the way that my piano sounds?

If they could, then why wouldn't they say anything?

Perhaps it was because they knew that music was all I had.

#mini rant #damn #why am i like this #what am i even doing #why #i cant help it #venting #rant post #personal rant #complaining #ranting #whatever #music is my drug #drugs are bad mmkay #my music is all over the place #piano #gives me #anxiety

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cffneaddct · 5 months

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"but it's not real, and you don't exist"

We were in the hotel gardens, both trying to escape the suffocation of a political and meaningless event they call “prom”.

Our eyes met across the bed of roses, and you smiled but I was confused.

You were supposed to enjoy prom, it was your graduation. You were about to embark on a new journey in a new place with new friends.

Why weren’t you celebrating?

You told me that you didn’t find anything about prom interesting, you told me that it was just an excuse for people our age to go out at night.

I laughed; you weren’t wrong, and I found that thought of yours funny.

I found you cute, but I won’t say that to your face.

I wasn’t brave enough.

Suddenly our friends stepped into the gardens, and once they saw us, they giggled like crazy.

My best friend dragged you towards me with a teasing smile as he joked about you being my boyfriend.

What surprised me the most was that you were blushing the whole time.

Your brother pushed me towards you with a knowing smile as he announced to the audience that I had a huge crush on you.

My ears were red, and I was shy, but when our eyes met for the second time, you had a reassuring smile on your face, as if telling me that my feelings were reciprocated.

You held my hand, and the crowd goes wild.

A slow tune began to play in the background, couples appearing left and right. They were holding each other as they swayed to the gentle tune.

You asked me if I wanted to dance, and of course, I agreed.

With your gentle touch, you led me to the gazebo in the middle of the gardens. You held me close as if you were savouring this moment as if you wanted to be there forever.

But your wish didn’t last, for the scene had changed.

Suddenly, we were in a theme park. You took me inside an escape room, an excited glint in your eyes.

I was scared, but you were there to reassure me, telling me that everything was fine and that we would figure out a way to get out together.

My fears immediately disappeared and were replaced with feelings of glee, for we racked our brains together and solved the puzzles that were in the room, escaping with no problems at all.

It was as if we had the same brain cells, and I wondered if it was because we were meant to be.

But I stayed quiet, for I didn’t want to ruin the moment.

The theme park was about to close, and we went back to meet the rest of our friends. One by one they said their goodbyes and left, leaving the two of us behind once again.

You looked at me, a sad expression was plastered on your face as you told me that you were leaving.

I get it, you were going to college. It was going to be impossible for us to stay together.

No matter how much we love each other, we had our own goals to pursue.

We had to let this go.

Your voice began to fade as I reached out to hold you, one last time.

And that was when I woke up, staring right at the ceiling.

Realising that it was never real.

#ceilings #lizzy mcalpine #inspired #random #idk man #i was bored ok #a dream i had #crush #man this is great #very embarrassing #Spotify

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