#‘I am just as cool and interesting as you and I am unafraid of you’ is so valid and so funny

[galina]

your lifestyle seems so classy and elegant and sophisticated (at least your aesthetic online, i'm not making any assumptions about the parts of your life you don't share). if you're comfortable answering, did you grow up in that kind of environment or was it something you more so chose for yourself as an adult? do you have any advice for someone who didn't grow up feeling "cultured" and finds all the coffee and restaurants and art a bit intimidating but wants to be a part of that world?

I wrote something about this a little while ago, and it's a really interesting topic. it definitely started as an adult for me. I think I probably don't have the answer but here's a ramble.

for me liking 'nice things' started out kind of like a little joke with myself and then it turned into a whole lifestyle. my parents didn't have much money, we didn't go to fancy restaurants, we didn't drink tea or eat little sandwiches or really go out to eat ever to be honest. but they were young immigrant punks who loved heavy music and books and writing and they encouraged me to lean into my innate weirdness. I think what they didn't have in finance they made up for with imagination. it was tumultuous and unsteady, but it was multi-cultural, which is a huge privilege.

specifically on restaurants, I think a lot of that is J – he is even more open-minded than I am and comes from even fewer experiences like that (his words). he's unimpressed by fancy, but he's also unafraid of niceness. he hates when people take themselves too seriously, and helps me to do stuff I would never do because he see it like a kind of prank. like, we'll go somewhere a bit posh, and I'll be freaking out and sweating and looking to bolt and J will just be like, we're hoodwinking them. we're playing them like a piano. it's cosplay. it's a magic trick. it's hilarious and it puts me totally at ease. I remember the first time he took me to a nice restaurant, I was so overwhelmed – but I loved it, the food was amazing and we had a wonderful time because he was like, don't stress, you're allowed to enjoy it.

so I suppose my advice is to just enjoy that you are different and marvel at the idea that your great great great grandma (or even your mum) would think "this is bananas". like, you're you, and you're looking at the art, or eating the food, and that's great, doesn't matter how you got there. something about how james murphy said that pretentiousness is a great way to get cultured because you start out pretending to read something to be cool and then you actually do read it and so on and so on. or how dan fox said pretentiousness can help us overcome the fear of the new and the different in order to create cultural diversity. something like that.

#this is the most ramble thing I've ever written and answers nothing

[i-me-mine]

As time goes by | Chapter 15: Uninvited

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Word Count: 5.2k

Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | AO3

Chapter Summary: You head to your prom night, determined to have fun and not let your feelings for Eddie get in the way. But Eddie is not yet ready to let you go and wants to make it up to you.

The cool evening air brushed against your skin as you stepped out of the car, with Marc holding your hand and then holding you close for more stability. As you approached the entrance, you could hear the music from inside and the sound of laughter and chatter. Feeling you a little more tense, Marc gently rubbed your back.

“You look absolutely gorgeous,” he said, gazing at you, his eyes filled with admiration. “I can’t believe we’re here, at prom, together.”

“Are you going to charge me later for how many times you tell me I’m beautiful? The college has already taken all the money I got, you know,” you smiled at him.

“There is no shame in repeating something that it’s true, princess” he kissed your hand and led you to enter. 

Your heart started to beat faster as you got a sensation that Eddie was near. You looked around and saw no one, and shook your head. Eddie didn’t want to go to prom with you, that was all you had to remember, and you were determined that once you stepped in, you would enjoy your night. 

Lots of balloons and a sea of people dressed in their finest attire were all you could see for a moment, all seeming overwhelming. But you were trying to take in all around you, and Marc’s hand helped keep you grounded.  

Leila went enthusiastically to the dance floor, which was already packed with couples swaying to the beat of the music, and Gareth followed along timidly. You and Marc made your way through the crowd and found your table, where you sat while Marc went to get you some food and drinks. 

You looked around and found Steve by the punch bowl. He looked handsome in his suit and tie, with impeccable hair and a smile that spread across his face when he saw you, giving you a thumbs up, which you mirrored.

You chatted happily with Marc when he got back. It was easy to keep the conversation with him; he sounded very interested in hearing your plans for after school end - He seemed genuinely excited that soon you would be attending the same college as his and did his best to answer all your doubts and shared stories about his first years there, but that reminded you how you had been preoccupied about leaving Hawkins, leaving Eddie, and it made your mind wander.

“Am I boring you? Should I stop talking?” Marc’s voice caught your attention. 

“Don’t, your voice is very soothing,” you smiled apologetically, 

“We are sitting here too long; of course you would get bored. Let’s dance.”

The prospect of dancing to a slow romantic song with Marc suddenly made you anxious. 

“I don’t really know how to dance…” That was a lie; you had practiced ballroom dancing with Uncle Wayne several times.

“It’s never too late to learn” He stood up, inviting you to dance. 

You took his arm, and he led you to the dance floor, where you started to dance, moving in time with the music. You started again chatting and laughing as you caught up on old times. You were feeling weirdly happy; maybe the magical atmosphere of prom was getting into you when Marc made a sudden confession: 

“I just wanna tell you that if I were him, I would never have left you.”

You noticed how Marc was staring at you adorably with sparkly eyes. It was a little embarrassing, but it didn’t feel bad, either. On the contrary, you felt like you were desirable. 

“It doesn’t matter how he hurts you, with his hands, words, or acts. You don’t deserve it; it ain’t worth it; take your heart and run,” he added. “You may even find someone who would gladly take care of it for you… someone like me.”

And you felt a tone of hope in his voice. You looked at yourself through his eyes. To him, you were beautiful. And he was kind and unafraid to speak what was in his mind. But that didn’t stop your heart from aching as you knew he was not the one you wanted by your side tonight. So you got closer to him, rested your chin on his shoulder to avoid letting your facial expression betray you, and started looking around again at the other couples while you continued to dance slowly. 

Steve caught you looking at him dancing with his date and mimed putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger, making you giggle. He raised his eyebrows and, with his eyes pointed to punch bowl, and you understood that it was an invitation for you to get a moment there together to talk. 

When the song ended, you asked Marc to return to your table. Thankfully, Gareth and Leila were there, and they started chatting, so he didn’t mind when you excused yourself and left the table momentarily. Steve smiled when he saw you approaching him. 

“Yeah, I had to do something to save my distressed beloved lady.”

“I’m not distressed,” you replied with a slight roll of your eyes.

“C’mon, wanna talk about what’s wrong?”

You sighed, exasperated, “How do you always manage to read my mind, Steve? What sorcery do you employ?”

“I hate to break this to you, little lady, but you’re terrible at hiding your emotions. Plus, I’ve seen you sad in almost every way at every type of thing. I may not go to college, but I can almost say that I have a Ph.D. in the great net that is your inner sadness.”

“I’m so tired of fighting for all the people I care about; I don’t want to spend my life chasing people.”

“Hey, name your targets - it’s not ‘all the people.’ It's thinking about Eddie making you sad again, isn’t it?”

You sighed, “Yes, it is…I can’t help but wish he was here. That he wanted to be here with me.” 

“Maybe he has never been the one for you… he had never chosen you! It hurts me to see how you continue to break your heart for him.” 

“I’m tired of it… if he wants to leave me, that’s ok, fine then, go ahead… I’m done chasing and caring for people who were never interested in me.” 

“Easy to say that when you have such a beautiful boy drooling over you, huh?”

“Shut up, Steve. You know I would not give it a go with my sure-to-be-pitiful attempts at flirting.”

“Oh c’mon, you don’t need to do much; I bet he is just waiting for a small breach in your attitude to kiss you. And you should let him.”

You turned a whole cup of punch to get more courage. “You’re right, Steve! Fuck the ‘he won’t know what he has until it’s gone’ bullshit. I want a guy who knows what he’s got when he has it, not when it’s too late.”

“Go get him, girl!” Steve gave you a little push. 

You glanced at Marc, feeling a flutter of nervousness in your stomach. You knew it was now or never, so summoning up your courage, you took a deep breath and returned to the table. You grinned at him and took his hand, leading him back onto the dance floor. You wondered if he could feel how hard your heart was pounding in your chest as you got closer.

You looked up at him, meeting Marc’s gaze. Your eyes locked, and you saw a hint of desire in his eyes, making your heart skip a beat and a rush of adrenaline run through your veins. You just didn’t want to feel so sad about Eddie anymore; you wanted to forget. You hoped that he could intuitively know what you wanted, and you leaned in slightly, tilting your head, and waited for him to make his move.

He sensed your intentions and wanted to make you feel better; he wanted your mind to travel elsewhere from where he knew it was the whole night. He felt it was his responsibility to give you the perfect night, even if that required something that might hurt him later, as he knew it wouldn’t last. 

Marc cupped your face in his hands before kissing you - his lips, disconcertingly soft and warm, gently against yours, tried to get a response. The kissing was tender, the scruff of his growing beard tickling but causing a jolt of electricity through your body. You deepened the kiss, your arms wrapped around his neck, your fingers tightened in his hair, pulling him closer as he reacted more passionately to the kiss.

It was nice to feel wanted.

“He doesn’t deserve you, and I’m not— I’m not saying I’m perfect… but sure as hell I would never hurt you like that,” he said when you broke the kiss to get some air, his eyes scanning your face, trying to get whatever you were thinking. 

You knew that maybe it was time for you to move on and try to find happiness with someone who loved you, but it was hard to let go of the dream of being with Eddie. Even after all he did, he was still the one who held your heart in the palm of his hand.

You pulled Marc in for another kiss but felt guilty for leading him on, for using him to try to forget about Eddie. You knew you should be grateful for his affection, but you could only think about how much you longed for Eddie to feel the same way. But you felt ignored for so long… and feeling special to someone for a change was good. 

As the song ended, you also stopped kissing Marc. He sighed. “Song’s over. Would you dance to another one with me? Or is that asking too much?”

You tightened your hand around his and rested your head against his chest. “You can have as many as you want; that’s what we are here for, right?”

Eddie was watching the scene, curling his fingers inward until they all touched his palm. When he finally got the courage to leave the van and try to find one of the hidden and unmonitored paths to break into the building as he was desperate to see you, he hoped to find you sitting in a corner, where it would be easier to get you… he didn’t expect to see you and Marc like that. He wanted to go and throw you over his shoulder and bring you home. But as soon as he tried to step into the dance floor, he felt someone pushing him against a wall. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, Munson?” Steve’s voice sharped with suspicion 

“Mind your own business,” Eddie muttered under his breath.

“You have no business here. Go away.” Steve insisted.

Eddie stammered, trying to come up with a convincing answer. “I-I just wanted to see her, man,” he said. “I promise I won’t cause any trouble.”

Steve glared at him, his arms crossed. “You’re not invited, and you’re not welcome here,” he replied coldly. “If you really cared about her, you would have asked her to prom. But you didn’t, and now you’re trying to ruin her night.”

A pang of guilt crushed Eddie’s heart, knowing that Steve was right. He should have asked you to prom, and maybe he would be the one holding you now. He tried to argue with Steve so he could talk to you, but he remained firm. 

“You need to leave, Munson,” he said. “You won’t ruin her night, not on my watch.”

He looked at you again, seeing Marc caressing your hair while you were dancing with him, and Eddie saw you smiling with your eyes closed. Eddie felt defeated, knowing he had to respect your boundaries and let you enjoy your night, thinking you were happy, even if it was not with him. With a heavy heart, Eddie turned and walked away, feeling a sense of regret and sadness, knowing he had missed this chance. But he was not going to give up yet. The battle was lost, but not the war. 

As the night drew to a close, you savored the last moments of the magical night. You, Steve, and Gareth gathered together at the same table, arms around each other’s shoulders, giggling and talking in hushed tones, sharing stories of the night, recalling your favorite moments, and laughing at the silly mishaps that happened along the way - Steve was still disappointed that he wasn’t crowned Prom King. Finally, you said your final goodbyes. Marc drove you home and walked with you to your door.

“Let me know when you are moving out to college… I’ll give you a ride, ok?”

“That would be nice.” you paused, trying to choose your following words carefully. “Thank you… for everything”

“Hey, don’t worry. I know I was just a stand-in to the person you wanted to be with today. I get it. You don’t owe me anything, ok? We’re cool.” he kissed your forehead before returning to the car. 

Being alone again was not good. The whole time while you were getting ready to sleep, you felt the hollow in your chest increasing, and the tears reappeared. You thought kissing someone else might help you forget about Eddie, but it was not working. As you put your head in your pillow, all you could think was how unfair it was that you still fucking loved Eddie and how you seemed to be unable to let go. You cried for what felt like an eternity until sleep took you over, blocking you from further thinking.

Steve groaned as he stood up, stumbling through the hallway of his home. The doorbell rang insistently, making his headache worse - he dragged himself to the door to open it.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Steve sighed.

Eddie was standing in front of him, looking anxious and out of place, his eyes darting around nervously while he was fidgeting with his rings. 

‘Hey, man… I..” Eddie was starting to think that maybe it was a bad idea. “Can we talk?”

“We don’t have anything to talk about,” Steve replied, trying to close the door, but Eddie extended his arm to stop it and keep it open.

“It’s not about you and me… it’s about her.” 

“What do you want?” Steve asked curtly, putting his hands on his hips.

Eddie took a deep breath, his hands shaking slightly as he spoke. “Look, I know you don’t like me…”

“You give me no other choice, Munson! She is not the only one tired of this bullshit, man. I’ve watched her cry over you too many times.” Steve continued accusing Eddie. “You’ve fucked her over time and time again, and yet she still comes back to you. I have no idea why she does that, as it’s not like you actually care. You don’t deserve everything she dares feel for you.”

“No, that’s the point; I’m trying to make her feel something for me.”

“C’mon, man… Are you blind? She would give up everything for you. She likes you more than you could possibly imagine; she talks about you like you put the stars in the damn sky.”

Eddie felt his cheeks burning. “But she is not talking to me… and clearly you don’t want me near her…” he took a deep breath. “And I won’t pretend that I understand what you guys have; I know it’s my fault; if I hadn’t left her, you two wouldn’t get close, but I know that I’ll be forever in debt to you for taking care of her when I messed up…”

Eddie continued talking while Steve rubbed his head in frustration, running his hands over his face and breathing through his instinct to react angrily to Eddie’s approximation of an apology. He then interrupted him, “Why are you here, Munson?”

Eddie paused and looked suddenly serious. “Look, this is not easy for me, ok? But I swallowed my pride, and I’m here humbly begging for your help with her. I know that without your support, I won’t go far. And I have an idea, but I need you to make it work.” 

Steve looked at him skeptically, unsure if he should help Eddie after all he did to you. But as he looked into the metalhead’s eyes, he saw a glimmer of sincerity that touched something inside him. 

Eddie felt hope as he noticed that Steve was considering helping him. Steve then saw how Eddie was batting his eyes and pouting at him to win him over, as you did many times with him before. He wondered if Eddie learned that from you or if he was the one who taught you that. Steve had a weak spot for people in need, especially the ones making cute faces. He hesitated for a moment, then nodded reluctantly.

“I don’t know if I should help you,” he said slowly, “but I’ll listen to your idea.”

Eddie’s face lighted up with relief, and he started to detail what he wanted to do. Steve listened quietly, and as he heard Eddie’s plans and reasoning, he began to feel a twinge of sympathy for him. In the end, he agreed to help him. He knew it wouldn’t be easy, but he knew that if maybe, just maybe, everything worked in the end, you would be happy. 

“You hear me now, Munson… I’m doing this for her, not you.” he pressed his index finger against Eddie’s chest. “I don't want you letting her think she has a chance if that's not what you want. There is nothing worse in the world than that… So you better not fuck this up.” 

You walked up the pathway to Steve’s house - he called you earlier, asking you to come over to wear your prom dress, as he had the idea of taking photos of it to put in an ad to sell it. You tried to convince him that he could photograph the dress only, but he insisted that you, as a model, would help the photo to be better and sell it faster. Nevertheless, you knew you had to repay him and were willing to do it for him. As you reached the front door, you rang the bell.

Steve opened the door with a mischievous grin on his face. “Come on in!” he said, ushering you inside. You thought it was suspicious, but nothing seemed out of place. 

“You can change upstairs, then come to meet me in the living room - I’ll just get my camera, and I’ll be right back.” 

As you wore the dress again, you started getting emotional again. You looked at the mirror, remembering your prom night, how gentle Marc was with you, and how that was still not enough to get Eddie out of your heart and mind. Finally, you told yourself to forget about it and walked down the stairs; You entered the living room, which was dimly lit, with soft music playing in the background. 

“May I say you look quite lovely tonight, m’lady?”

Your eyes widened with surprise as you saw Eddie standing in the center of the room, in a white shirt with black pants, his hair tied back, and his cute dimple appearing in his sweet smile. He expected a warmer response from you, but you were just shocked. 

“Am I in trouble?” he asked.

“Take a guess.” you hoped your frowned face was enough of an answer for him.

“No?” 

“Try again,” you replied coldly. 

Eddie looked puzzled, as he was not expecting your reaction. You couldn’t believe it - You cried yourself to sleep over this boy, and now he was there, smirking at you as if none of that had passed. 

“What is going on? Where’s Steve?”

“He left to give us some privacy…”

“He shouldn’t have invited you; you shouldn’t be here. I’m gonna kill him.”

“No! It’s not his fault. He had no choice; I practically forced him to do this for me.”

But you knew that wasn’t the truth, that Steve probably thought he was doing you a favor. A favor you were not so sure you wanted. 

“Besides being mad at me, are we okay?” Eddie asked, a nervous smile playing on his lips.

You looked up at him, trying to avoid letting tears go down your face. “Why in the world would we be okay, Eddie? ”

“Look, I was just trying to save you trouble. Can you imagine the hard time they would give you if they saw you at prom with me? You read Carrie too, right? I didn’t want to risk them throwing a bucket of pig’s blood in you or something.”

“Oh, So I should be -- what? Thanking you, Eddie?”

“No, that’s not about it; I’m just asking you to try to understand.”

“Guess what, Eds,” you interrupted him. “I DON’T understand,” you yelled.

“Hey, hey... Calm down, sweetheart, that’s okay.”

“No, no, it’s not okay!! Nothing about this is okay!!” your heart skipped a beat as a rush of emotions flooded through you. “Seeing you act as if everything is okay hurts me; it’s not okay, and you know it! I’m tired of pretending I’m not feeling pain because it’s doubling what I feel inside, and I’m suffering more! How could you be so ok with all you did to me?”

“I’m not! Sweetheart, please, I didn’t mean to do anything wrong.” His words mindlessly flew out of his mouth. He tried to touch you, but you moved his hands away.

“I don’t want to be with you right now.”

“Don’t say that, please” he looked at you with pleading eyes, tears threatening to fall.

“I hate you, Edward Munson.” 

“I can work with that; hate is a passionate emotion.” 

“Eds, please just leave me alone,” you pressed the palm of your hand to your head, rubbing your forehead.

“Please, just give me another chance.”

“Shut up, I mean it. I hate you, Eddie!” but your cracking, sad voice betrayed you. 

“No, You don’t.” 

“I should.”

“I agree; I really fucked up this time, didn’t I? But would you believe me if I said I didn’t mean to break your heart?”

“And I didn’t mean to care so much about you either, Eds, but we all make mistakes.”

“And I didn’t choose to make you my world; it just happened!!” He burst out and took a deep breath. “Will you let me try to correct my mistakes?”

He took one tentative step in your direction and then another. He swung his face around to look at you, his eyes doubtful. “I just thought we could have our own little dance.”

“Really, Eds?”

“Don’t worry, I don’t have high expectations, I don’t believe that you actually have control over those two left feet of yours, but I know I can lead you; Wayne taught me well,” he was trying to make you laugh, but you were on the verge of crying.

“You are unbelievable, Eds. I’m outta here.”

“Don’t go. Please. May I have a dance? Even if it’s just one last dance?”

As much as your head wanted to leave, your heart was still there, longing to be with him. Eddie pulled on you slightly so that you would stop moving toward the door.

“I know it’s not enough,” he said. “But I’m truly sorry.” He raised his hands, and you were caught between his warm, broad hands. He led you to the middle of the living room, and you noticed how gorgeous he looked, bathed in the warm glow of the soft lighting. 

As you began to sway to the gentle rhythm of the music, the rest of the world seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in your private moment. Eddie looked into your eyes, his gaze filled with tenderness. Your cheeks flushed as you realized how much you dreamed about this moment. As you moved gracefully together, your bodies in perfect sync, you felt a sense of warmth and belonging. 

And if it was as if all the kisses from the previous night meant nothing because you knew that you would never want anyone more than you wanted him, even if he never loved you back. 

The song changed to one more fast-paced, and he pulled you closer, one hand resting on your hip, guiding you through the dance. The sudden change of rhythm made you throw your head back, laughing, actually having fun. Next, he spun you around, but you lost your footing, tangled in one another, falling into the ground, and landing under you. You, for a second, worried that he might get hurt, but he grinned up at you, and you knew he was ok. 

You helped him to stand up again, and he brushed your hair out of your face, his hand curling around your ear before pulling away. “I missed hearing your laugh.”

He pulled you close again but made no real effort to dance; he just hugged you while you buried your face in his chest. The heat from his skin burned right through your dress, and he leaned down to press his cheek to the top of your head. While holding you close, you slowly moved one side to the other.

“Eds, you can’t keep doing this to me. You treat me like trash one day; the next one, you treat me as if I were your favorite person. My heart can’t handle it anymore. I’ll have to keep my distance if things don’t change.”

“But you are my favorite person in the world, you are! I don’t want you to go,” he replied quickly, starting to breathe heavily. 

“It doesn’t always look like that, Eds… and I can’t do this if you won’t talk to me.”

His breath started to shudder. “I… I’m so tired, sweetheart… I’m trying to be better and do the right thing, but I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. It’s as if I was underwater, running out of oxygen, and I no longer know where the surface is, and I’m gonna drown… I’m gonna drown.”

“I understand how you are feeling, Eds…”

“No, I know you don’t understand me… I don’t understand me! I know I’m a bit complicated…”

“Just a bit?” you replied with a smile.

“Ok, a lot. Are you still mad at me?” he asked.

“I am.” 

“Then let me tell you again that I’m very sorry for all I did.” 

You looked at him, and his eyes burned with sincerity - playing havoc with the rhythm of your heart.

“You say you’re sorry but keep hurting me, Eds. And I kept quiet all this time, hoping to keep you. I cared so much and blindly about you that even when you hurt me, I still tried to find reasons not to be mad at you, but I’m tired of all this mess, this pretending, these lies…”

“The truth is not so simple, but if you want it so much… the brutal truth is that I’m not doing well, sweetheart, and I’m in danger of failing. I saw my old man, and he said right in my face that I was a failure, and I wish I could say he was wrong, but I can’t. And there is a very real possibility that I won’t graduate again, and I’ll be stuck here while you leave me for good, which scares me.”

You were utterly stunned. How could you not have known this? You knew this year had been a struggle for him, but not that much. And you had been so wrapped up in your own situation lately that you must not have paid enough attention to what was happening with him. 

You were so worried about how you would be of you two in the future but then realized that you had neglected to check in about the present. You felt like kicking yourself for being so obtuse.

“Eds, I’m so sorry that I didn’t know things had gotten this bad.” You put your hand on his arm and squeezed gently. “I’m here now, and I’m going to help you figure this out.”

“The only thing I like about school at this point is that you’re there, and you won’t be there next semester; it will be a nightmare,” he said earnestly, “but I have also realized that for me to be a good partner, I have to want more out of life than just you being there. I have to make a place for myself as well. And I don’t know how to do it yet, and I shouldn’t slow you down.”

“Eds, what are you trying to say?”

“There’s no easy way to say this, but I think a woman like you, bound for a great life, deserves better than a high school drug dealer with minimal prospects. I just can’t see you being happy with someone like that. You deserve to be with an intellectual equal. Someone who can provide you with a life worthy of your value as a person. Someone who’s not constantly fucking up his chances at success. Someone… someone better than me.”

“What kind of nonsense is this?”

He looked back at you but then stared at your mouth, and your heart skipped a beat. Why was he doing this to you? 

“Don’t play with my heart if you are not paying for my therapy, Eds.”

“Look, I can’t give you want, I can’t be who you need right now, but I’m just asking you to be patient. I’m trying to deal with my shit so I won’t mess up even more your life.”

“You didn’t even ask me what I want or need.”

“Ok, Let me rephrase then; I can’t give what I want to give you or be to you who I want to be. But if you could forget all the shit I did so I could restart…”

“Forgetting will not fix what’s wrong, Eds.”

“I know, and I want to fix everything… all the wrong things I did to you; I swear I didn’t mean it. I was just being stupid, angry, jealous, or just plain dumb — but that’s no excuse. I did some of the stupidest things I’ve ever done in my life, and I’m sorry.”

“You can’t comfort me with words, Eds.” you told him, and just inside your mind, you completed, “not when I need your love.”

“I know I’ve been such a jerk… I’ll compensate you with a lifetime of servitude; all you have to do is give me another chance,” he begged. “Please, don’t give up on me. I want to make it up to you.”

“Ok, you’re forgiven… for now,” and part of you wanted to slap yourself because you were entering again into the same vicious circle and in the vast ocean of uncertainty and grey areas that is whatever you and Eddie have. 

“Thank you,” he breathed fervently, laughing exuberantly with relief. “Does that mean I get to dance another song with this dazzling woman?” 

You nodded, and his eyes shined so bright that you got lost again in those intense chocolate button eyes. 

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#eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x female original character #eddie munson x female character #eddie munson fem!reader #eddie munson x female oc #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson friends to lovers #stranger things #eddie stranger things #eddie x reader #fanfiction #eddie munson fanfiction #joseph quinn #eddie munson slow burn #slow burn #eddie my beloved #fluff #angts #stranger things fic

[eerna]

Hello! This is incredibly random, but as a fanartist, enjoyer of critically examining media, and critic of capitalist corporations (*cough* Disney), do you have any thoughts about fan art being a form of unpaid labour?

Context is I’m writing an essay about digital labour and how fan creation is basically kind of like free PR for big corporations… and now whenever I do fanart I can’t get that thought out of my head uGH. I want to believe that drawing fanart is my own form of creative expression and way of showing love for the media, but at the same time I’m like “am I being exploited???” since I’m helping advertise smth for free and these corporations are just capitalizing on my love for said media??? and I can’t reconcile these thoughts 🥲🫠

Also I’m struggling with the essay LOL my eventual conclusion is that we as fans do have agency but we kind of still are being exploited… so it’s not a very optimistic outlook haha. Doesn’t help that the scholars’ articles I’m reading are all very negative about this digital labour thing. Help.

Sorry if this is unexpectedly deep!! 😅 just really curious to hear a fellow fanartist’s thoughts, and I respect you a lot for being unafraid to criticize media 🙏🙏

Hi! First of thank you for your kind words~ Second off, what a cool concept to discuss. Your message is pretty much how I feel. It is very frustrating to remember that so much of the media I love is so closely tied to the harmful cycle of capitalism. I grew up in a country that didn't have access to merch or much in the way of official media so piracy was my go-to most of the time. This means I was introduced to the concept of consumerist aspects of fandom via the Internet as a teenager and started feeling bad about "not supporting" stuff I love, but I told myself "Well I pay back by doing fanart and talking about it online". And then I found out about the way capitalism shapes the media landscape and started feeling bad for playing into it, the same as you. It gets even more conflicting when I am talking about something I dislike made by a company I dislike - yeah, I am probably preventing some people from interacting with the media for themselves, but I am also probably making others interested. What makes me feel better about the entire thing is that the "digital labour" I do is that I'm doing it for other fans like me, and to express myself. I love things so much that it makes me feel like I am going to explode, but pouring it out onto paper helps with it! Of course, I don't have to post it online for it to be worthwhile, but sharing it with others who feel the way I do makes the feelings even better. BUT one of the most important aspects of the issue is how willing those companies are to let me gain something monetary from the relationship. Are they ignoring fanworks being sold as fan merch, as commissions? It is illegal, but I feel like it should absolutely be allowed as a sort of unmentioned perk of being a fan worker, and the companies that don't allow that are evil. My audience gets bigger, I sell more prints, and so do they. (This is also why I never accept money for fanworks made by small creators, such as webcomics)

There's also the fact that lately I've been seeing the rise of "If you REALLY love this piece of media, it is your DUTY to consume it as much as possible and spread the word about it as much as possible and make the company as much money as possible if you want to see more things like it!" takes. These are utter bullshit and where enjoyment of media goes to die. The moment you reduce your love for something only to how much money it can make the evil capitalist overlords who allowed it to grace your eyes, you completely deny any kind of artistic worth. Media should exist because we deserve to have our hearts touched by stories, not because it makes someone money.

I don't have a clear answer or feel like my approach to the issue goes entirely along with my morality. But I don't think we can find a way to feel good about the entire situation as long as our media is dictated by capitalism. It's the sad reality of loving something in a system that will squeeze any money out of you that it can. But we gotta march on, remember that we are the ones allowing them to survive and not the other way around, and love while we do it. Good luck with your essay, stay positive!

#eernask #elsartzz

[marezelle]

20 Questions

tagged by both @toopunkrockforshul and @writingordinaryrealities so I guess I'd better do it LOL

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18!

2. What’s your total AO3 words count?

202,063

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently only Greenwing & Dart by Victoria Goddard. In the past I wrote a teeny bit of Legend of Korra fic, and then one Check, Please! fic and one Pokemon fic.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

falling and falling and falling, A Beifong Woman's Guide to Getting the Girl, tender is the night, to face unafraid the plans that we made, and protective measures

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, and I usually do immediately after I post a fic. (I always end up running behind, though.) I do so because I am genuinely SO grateful to everyone who reads and comments on my stories. Every comment is a gift.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

To call it angst is perhaps overselling the yearning happening there, but probably protective measures.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I had to go back and look at fics I've barely even thought about in years, but probably tender is the night, tbh.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! I am not a popular writer. (thank god)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have begun to dabble, though I don't know how to quantify it? it's smut. LOL

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I still have that unfinished Carol-inspired Check, Please! au. I'm probably never going to go back to it, but I maintain that the vibes were immaculate.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Don't think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet, but how cool would that be?

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No, and tbh the idea of doing so is intimidating as hell, but I'm sure it would be fun.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

What do you mean "favorite"? I'm supposed to pick? I can't even pick a current favorite, considering I'm writing a whole polycule of various ships for G&D and I love them all.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I've accepted that my older unfinished works are going to stay that way, but sometimes I do think about The Journey. The end of that fic was going to involve Jinora and Opal leaving the Eastern Air Temple, to be followed by a sequel where they travelled to Zaofu, then the Southern Water Tribe, and then through the Fire Nation. The third story in the series would have brought them to Republic City, where they would establish Air Temple Island. The story as I began it just had too many plot holes, though, and I ended up losing interest in the primary romantic relationship.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do a decent job with pacing. It turns out that I'm good at planning out a cohesive narrative that will play out over the course of a series; working out the snags is part of the fun. I like when unnoticed details are given greater/changed meaning or depth later on. (I learned that from @ourimpavidheroine!) Oh and my friends say I write pining well, LOL.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Figuring out plots driven by anything but the characters' emotional beats. (This is why I've written thousands of words of fanfic this year, and simply cannot get an original novel out of the planning stages.) I so wish I could write a complicated political plot, or a mystery, but I think those things are beyond me. Weaving in description alongside dialogue is also tricky for me, I always feel like I fall into using the same phrases over and over.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't speak any other languages well enough to do it, but it would be very neat.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Pokemon, *way* back in the day.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

*gasp* How dare you make me pick just one. I guess it has to be hello, my old heart, though. I just am so proud of that fic. It's not just that it's the kind of thing that I've dreamed of writing for a long while (slowburn, lots of yearning, LONG) but that I managed to do it during a summer where I was struggling with just about everything else in my life. I'm very fond of the world it's set in, and I have so many plans for both prequels and sequels to it.

I'm tagging @ourimpavidheroine, @assistant-blogkeeper, and anyone else who thinks this would be fun! (no pressure to play along, though <3)

[ivettel]

how did u learn graphic design? i’ve just started out w basic gifs on photoshop and so far even adding subtitles feels so overwhelming ajskdnskns (unless u are studying graphic design in like. uni 😭)

ahh well truth be told, i kind of bulldozed my way into it, probably back in 2015/16 when i was first getting started out in the youtube anime editing community? people were asking for graphic designers for their studio channels, and i looked at my own channel--my banner a blurry pokedex, and my icon a purple link (from a loz four swords animated short) going fabulous--and figured i probably needed to do get on their level if i wanted to be serious.

i used sony vegas pro and did super simple things! you just gotta be unafraid to do things that feel childishly easy and look like garbage! i started out with basics, like the rule of thirds was a godsend--some solid colour + a render of a character to the far left + some decent typography for a banner? boom, done. and then it was doing shit thumbnails for my shit vids (and i mean SHIT, look at this 💀)

trust the process! for me it was getting better at video editing, esp on after effects, and having those experiences translate to static designs like headers and icons for social media. i didn't learn photoshop until i was like 18? so don't be worried if you're not making the progress you're thinking you should make--people learn at their own pace and in their own way. my sense of design principles and composition came purely from being balls deep in motion graphics for like 80 hours a week for years, and i didn't learn any "proper" design theory until uni. but the fun thing about art is that you don't need proper theory to make things! you just need to be motivated and expose/open yourself to the possibilities, and at its simplest, that just means putting in the work to find cool creations, learning some art history in your free time, exploring rabbit holes that pop up, etc.

it's awesome that you're starting out! and that you're already making "basic" gifs!! basic in quotes, because gifs are hard. i can tell you a good majority of my second yr media arts students struggled with getting started, like learning how the interface flows, how to work with the frame animation timeline, how to draw, even just toggling onion skins--so if you're making things already, you're doing amazing so far!

my general advice would be to try and find styles that are interesting and recreate them. not to post, just to learn the process and train your creative eye. where a lot of beginners stumble is they want to go from 0 to 100, then get frustrated with themselves when they don't get to 100 immediately. the journey is a slog! but just like one of the best ways to learn how to write is to read, one of the best ways to learn how to design is to pay attention. when you see something cool, ask--how did they go about doing this? where is my eye being led? what colours and shapes are influencing how i perceive this? what am i drawn to in particular? how do i use this in my work?

if you want like actual resources, here's some links we give 2nd yrs! would especially recommend the first couple chapters of graphic design: the new basics starting with "point, line, plane" if u wanna like get better at clinically dissecting what you see lol

Typography basics https://www.northernhighlands.org/cms/lib5/NJ01000179/Centricity/Domain/40/digitalartsdocs/intro-to-typography.pdf

History of Typography https://vimeo.com/65353988

20 "Rules" of Design https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/mcmu/detail.action?docID=3399949

Thinking with Type : A Critical Guide for Designers, Writers, Editors, and Students https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/mcmu/detail.action?docID=3387329

Graphic Design: the New Basics https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/mcmu/detail.action?docID=4518455

#anon #genius bar #long post #also to add to this: critical thinking is very much encouraged in the learning process! #questions like 'WHY use these design choices?' #and once you build your toolbox of knowledge it's way easier to think of new concepts #or reimagine old ones and apply yourself in a more intelligent and measured way #bottom line though it's just about exposure and pushing yourself to do more and be better

[ciaossu-imagines]

What’s your least written fandom right now? And who’s your fave character from it? Talk to me about them!! Please!!!!💕💕💕💕

Now this...this is such a great ask! Thank you sooooo much for allowing me this! So, there's actually five fandoms that I have for this blog that have never gotten a single ask sent in that I remember. I write for them, do posts for them that aren't asked for. Those posts get likes, and in a couple cases, reblogs, so I know I'm not writing to completely empty fandoms! Just never get requests for them! And I do love these fandoms and the characters, so let me rant here just a bit!

So, I've never gotten an ask for Ronin Warriors! I do love all the characters, but I'm biased as fuck, because I've been self-shipping with one of the characters here since I was 11...seriously, for well over a decade, I've found solace in little stories or in headcanons or fantasies with this character and they've really grown with me, in terms of self-shipping, over the years as I've grown and found myself.

That cutie there? That's Rowan Hashiba! I just have always loved his character. He's wildly intelligent, which any reader knows I always appreciate in a character. He's such a loyal friend, another soft spot of mine, but as a character comes across as both very stupid-smart and as a bit of an eccentric at points. I find him fun, funny, and there's something about him that makes me wildly curious about him, makes me want to think up and imagine his early life, what makes him tick, what makes him happy and sad, what he goes on to do with his life, etc.

I've never gotten a single ask for Kekkaishi! I have flipped favourites so, so many times. Every time I reread it, I have new favourites, but even during the initial read, I kept finding myself drawn to various characters at different points in the story. Overall though, I love all the Yagyo, or Night Troops, but especially this guy!

Masamori is such a complex, interesting character. He's got a very morally grey side to him, despite technically being a good guy. He's got huge, gaping character flaws, but he's also got a really big heart. He's a huge contradiction in a lot of ways and I could really see him being the villain in another story, typecast in that way, but at the same time, his role in the story of Kekkaishi as being on the side of good, but being unafraid to do bad things in the name of good?? It makes for such a deliciously fascinating character!

I have never gotten an actual request for Blush Blush! Which is sad, because it's such a fun and addicting game and all the guys are wonderful, for the most part)! There truly is someone for everyone in Blush Blush! My favourite though? Definitely Garret!

Just look at how cute he is! I love the visual interest of him and there's a really great contrast with him, a trope I always fall for, of this really gentle giant type character. He's usually very unintentionally funny and he has some of the best dialogue in the game to me and he just feels very sweet and fun!

I've also never gotten an actual request for GetBackers! Will I forever keep writing about it, despite not getting requests? Yes. Yes, forever. I love the anime so much, it was among the first I watched and it really does have that nostalgia and impact for me, for all its flaws. While I self-ship with Ginji, and am not ashamed to admit it because despite what large sections of fandoms say, it's perfectly normal and healthy to self-ship, my favourite is actually Haruki Emishi!!

Known as the Fresh Blood Joker, this guy is badass. Like, his blood is literally fucking explosive and how cool is that?? And he fights with a whip that's made out of the hair of the women in his clan! Though he was initially introduced as someone who turned traitor to his friends, there were reasons. And he did snap out of it, once he worked through the feeling of being abandoned by those who he cared about. He loves a good fight, but he's also a really good guy, someone who just wants to make people smile and laugh. Also, has some truly horrible gags and lines that always make me laugh.

Lastly, I've never gotten requests for Class of the Titans, though I do know there is still a very small fandom out there for it! It's an old cartoon but I swear it is so much fun and just a really interesting, light watch! I love all but one of the characters so picking a favourite was really, REALLY hard! But I settled on this cutie here!

I really did feel a draw to Odie's character! Again, another very smart guy, but someone not really taken very seriously. He comes from a friendless background and I do feel like he was a bullied kid, and I really connected with that part of his character and love how loyal he is to his friends now that he has them. There was also this really great episode where it seems like he turned traitor, but it was really just this fantastic long-con because Odie - he's always playing a couple steps ahead.

#admin chatter #class of the titans #getbackers #ronin warriors #kekkaishi #blush blush

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

what's a cool horror movie in hbo max?

A few things spring to mind:

The Descent is one of my favorite movies in general and a classic of the horror genre, but as a standalone it doesn't do much for me and I tend not to rewatch it. I'm not sure about horror series in general, because many of them are about the same basic idea and I'm not that interested in sitting through the same plot beat many times. I really liked Evil Things, which is the first season of What We Do in the Shadows, but I've only seen part of the second season and have no strong feelings one way or the other yet.

What horror series do I really like? Here are some of the ones I've seen enough of to have opinions:

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night is the original of the "vampire movie where the protagonist is totally unafraid of vampires" genre. I've seen it twice and quite enjoyed it both times – the second time I saw it, they were making a TV show of it, and in that it did a lot to bring it to life. (They just announced that The Boys is a new version of this sort of show, from the creators of The Thing.)

House of Leaves combines elements of classic B-horror with the psychological horror approach of The Babadook. It's quite short, but very intense. I haven't rewatched it since I saw it years ago, but it still has that intense feeling of "there is no escape, this is how you die, and there is nothing I can do to prevent it."

The Hole is a surreal, Gravity-like movie about astronauts trapped in a space station, gradually realizing the station is built on the edge of an endless black hole, and that they may well be approaching their death. (The The Thing connection is clear, but there is a difference: in this case, the station is not a lifeboat from the hole.)

Creep is similar to the last one, although in this one the station crew find out the horror is real by actually discovering its existence.

The Others is the most famous adaptation of Daphne Du Maurier's novel, The Birds. (I am not sure why it is referred to that title and not "the book" or "the short story" – presumably it was a tour de force on the part of the film makers.) It's not bad and has some interesting elements, but it's a bit slow and kind of overproduced, and I don't think I have a "favorite" from the whole series, because the last one I saw was very bad.

That said, I don't want to mislead you into thinking I don't like horror movies. In fact, I love them. My favorite movie is the classic American Psycho. Other horror movies are more about "what could a horror movie be if it was made by an art student from 1990" than by actual fear.

#dontkilla

[bookwyrminspiration]

Response to an ask from Ophelia:

Ophelia! Hello! You're not bothering me at all I love talking about Twilight so much, you're right! Also your description of your reaction to my enthusiasm is really comforting, I don't think it's weird to see

I put my twilight character rankings in order with some explanation so to save dash space I'll put it under a cut :)

Okay so I'll rank them both objectively and subjectively and start with subjective of just my personal preferences and enjoyment of the characters:

Alice: She's my special little guy. Energetic and powerful and positive and so cunning I love it. 10/10 want to be her

Emmett: Himbo bear man. He's just having a good time! So endearing and sweet and protective and just a ray of buff sunshine

Edward: He's a miserable little worm and he fascinates me. Half of what he says is a lament on his own nature and I am enraptured with his despair.

Rosalie: She's got a presence and juxtaposition with everyone I appreciate. She's bold and knows what she likes and what she wants, unafraid to speak her mind. Also hot mechanic vampire lady

Bella: Solid middle ground. I've grown attached to her seeing the series through her, but I'm not overly moved by any of her defining traits. I can appreciate her importance to others but she doesn't outright speak to me

Renesmee: Sweet little demon child. I think I'd grow to like her a lot more if there was more page time for her. She's brand new so I haven't gotten to know her as her own person yet, which is the only reason she's kinda low. Otherwise yeah she's pretty cool :)

Carlisle: This man is so so kind and I love that for him. Everything you want on terms of self control and values from a man. Another situation where I can appreciate him but he's just not what catches my interest

Jasper: I think his ability is interesting and his struggle with resisting human blood adds a nice contrast to everyone else, he's just not my kind of character. Fun to see him but I don't miss him when he's gone

Esme: I'm sorry Esme. She just doesn't stand out to me. She's motherly and concerned about everyone, but otherwise her presence feels like it fades into the background. It doesn't catch my attention.

Alice and Emmett are so special to me I love them so much. Everything to do with them is a joy and I love every moment they're on page. Also Edwards just a pathetic guy and it delights me.

As for an objective ranking, there are many different criteria I could use, but I think I'm going to go with character complexity? How rounded and explored they are? Which I admit is also a little subjective but hey

Edward: Listen. With Midnight Sun we get fully into the absolute misery and despair that is his life along with backstory. There's so much there to look through I think he takes #1 by default. We see his thoughts so clearly, even if we don't think like he does

Rosalie: I wasn't sure where to put her but her whole talk with Bella about her backstory and why she thinks Bella shouldn't become a vampire really bumped her up. We know what she thinks of herself, what she wants more than anything, and what she cares about. She wants a family and a baby and to be loved. She wants attention and is vain. She killed the people who took advantage of her in a wedding dress and refused to spill a drop of blood because she knew she'd loose control. Even if she's not on page a lot there's a lot there that I find compelling

Carlisle: He seems to be one of the most complete people in the series. We know his past and how that shaped his values, we know his beliefs and the efforts he goes to to preserve them. He feels rounded out. There's a mix of tragedy and of faith and perseverance. I think I could figure out what he'd do in a situation with high accuracy

Bella: I know everyone talks about how Bella's bland, but I'm putting her here simply because we see almost the entire story through her eyes and as such we know a lot about her. Her motives and thoughts might be boring but we know what they are and what she wants. We know who she cares about and what she's willing to do. We know her past and her future. Bland as she may be, it's there.

Alice: I'm not sure I'm totally sold on putting her here, but my reasoning is that there's just as much we don't know about her as what we do. She's positive and fashionable and bold, she takes control and her ability gives her a certain charm. But she's also pretty agreeable with Bella (they are great friends after all) so that doesn't stand out as much, even though I love her. There's also her not remembering her past, so there's gaps. She and Jasper are on about the same level for me

Jasper: We've got backstory for him and know he's not always on board with everyone else (was gonna kill Bella), but as for what he personally values it's not as explored. What does he think of things as his own person disconnected from Alice? Couldn't really tell you

Esme: We know her backstory and the tragedy of her life but it's not as prevalent in who she is. She doesn't talk about it really and seems to have mostly moved on. So there's not a whole lot going on with her (to me at least)

Emmett: I love him but he's pretty basic. Strong buff guy was killed by a bear and loves his girl. Likes sports. Endearing but there isn't as much there as with everyone else.

Renesmee: Sorry kid but you've existed for half a book and are a child. All anyone says about you is that you're sweet and lovable. Could have potential later in her life but it's not there now

That ranking took a lot more thought than the first one but I think that's about how I'd rank their complexity? Bella, Alice, and Jasper gave me some trouble so they could be switched around a bit, but my ultimate conclusion is that Edward and Rosalie are the most explored and compelling characters. Which is a little subjective but I think I also supported it with reasoning from the series so!

But yeah! Those are my rankings for the Cullens! Probably overexplained some aspects but too bad!

#the twilight saga #the twilight renaissance #quil's queries #ophelia nonsie #once someone asked my why I read twilight and I told them it was like watching a car crash where you can't look away #twilight may be a disaster but I'm fascinated by it #and I /will/ talk about it any opportunity I get

[itsaprosthetic]

To everyone who reblogs my art and says it’s pretty: thank you

#haha yeah im looking at the tags and reblogs of my last two art Othe one of me and kris and the other of just myself) #i havent posted art that isn’t for Other (outside) People in a while so it’s nice #people say my art style is nice?? its very sketchy but thank you haha #it makes looking through our portfolio of art over the year/s funky though #you have Kris’s cute very cartoony doodles #juxtaposed by my semi realism #it’s interesting #talking #ALSO I AM SO RELIEVED no one is getting upset over the art of me and Kris #people have been calling it cute or a cool crossover #so this makes me feel like I’ll be more unafraid to post art of us together in the future??

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Mattea Conforti, NOS4A2

Millie is the daughter of vampire Charlie Manx—can you tell us a bit about her? What made the role fun to play?

Millie Manx is a very interesting character to play.  She is definitely strong and unafraid of a lot of things.  She can be mean and even deadly, and she takes a lot of cues from her father, Charlie Manx.  She is very devoted to her father, and she will do anything to please him.  However, there is also a side of Millie, and it especially emerges this season, where she begins to question all that she knows.  She starts to develop real fears of losing her father, and she also starts to emerge as a true leader.  This role is both really fun and challenging to play.  Playing a demon child is like nothing I’ve ever done before, and getting into all the special effects makeup, my demon wig and fang-like teeth is really fun.  In Season 2, I am able to develop Millie’s character far beyond her scary, gory presence in Season 1.  Millie is much more than a scary horror character.  She is loving, thoughtful, scared, brave, independent and vulnerable, all at the same time.  I really enjoy the challenge of showing this unexpected side of Millie Manx.       

You began your career on the stage, how do you find the work differs between stage and screen, and do you prefer one over the other?

Working on the stage is completely different than working on a tv or movie set.  In theatre, you get one chance each night to connect with your audience, to make bold acting choices, to express your character the way that you want.  But, with TV and movies, you are given multiple opportunities to explore your character’s range.  You can take a note from a director and then a few minutes later apply it to the scene you are shooting again.  In theatre, everything is big – your movements, your expressions, your vocals; because you need to reach the people in the back and the people in the balcony.  But, on the screen, I’ve learned to make my acting more subtle, because the camera is usually right there with you, and you don’t need to exaggerate your actions.  I don’t really have a preference between stage and screen, I’m just so grateful to have had the opportunity to work in both.  Both are unique in their own way, and I would welcome the opportunity to work in either genre in the future.  

Do you have any fun facts about the making of the show that fans would be surprised to find out?

Well, I have found it interesting that in making this type of horror/fantasy show, it is not scary at all to do my job.  Actually, this show has so much gore and scary scenes that when we are filming, we have a lot of fun joking around and being silly, in between takes, amongst all the gore and special effects.  There are some really cool and scary scenes coming up in Season 2 that I got to be a part of, and I would like the fans to know just how much fun it was to shoot them!  

Do you think you’d make a good vampire? What would that look like?

I’m not sure that I would make a good vampire.  I’m kind of afraid of the dark, so I probably wouldn’t be very good at it.  Also, I really do like people, and I’m not a big fan of playing deadly games like, “Scissors for The Drifter.”

Without giving anything away, what’s your favorite line of dialogue from the show (yours or someone else’s)?

My favorite line from the show is definitely with Zachary says in Episode 202, “Who wants to go to Christmasland?!?” when we are in the wraith.  This line makes me smile because we shot that scene so many times, and each time Zachary said that line a different way.  I loved it because I never really knew how he was going to deliver it, and I challenged myself to match his energy with my response every single time.

If NOS4A2 were a musical, what would Millie’s big number be?

Great question!  Millie’s big number would have to be, “Who Wants To Go To Christmasland?” and it would come right before intermission, to hook the audience.  I think the first act of the musical would build to Charlie and Millie Manx’s first arrival in Christmasland.  They would fly through the theatre in the wraith, and the song would end with them stepping out of the wraith and seeing Christmasland for the very first time.  

Which, if any, fandoms are you in?

I’m actually not in any fandoms.  I have so many varying interests in the entertainment industry that I prefer to support as many different genres as I can.

You’ve worked on two iterations in the Frozen universe, playing both young Elsa and young Anna in different projects. Which of the sisters do you prefer to bring to life? 

I still can’t believe that I’ve played both princesses! My experience bringing Young Anna to life for Frozen the Broadway Musical, and my experience playing Young Elsa in Frozen II were so unique, and as different as the two sisters really are.  I started originating the role of Young Anna for Broadway when I was 9, so I could very much relate to the younger princess at the time. I was definitely a spunky, carefree, and funny, just like Young Anna!  I started recording for Frozen II as Young Elsa when I was around 12, so I was a bit older, and I think more mature and cautious, like Elsa.  I could never pick which sister/experience I prefer because they were both such incredible opportunities that I will never forget.  

If you could play any character, historical or fictional, who would it be, and why?

That’s a really tough question to answer, and I don’t think I could pick just one character.  I think the most important thing in selecting a role is to make sure that I am being challenged to tell a very important story.  I love characters with a lot of depth to them, where I can show my acting range and make bold choices. 

What does your ideal day off look like?

My ideal day off is definitely a summer day.  I would spend my day on the beach with my family and friends, swim in the ocean, and go for long walks to find shells and sea glass.  It would also include some really good food and of course, ice cream for dessert!

Thanks for taking the time, Mattea! Catch NOS4A2 Sundays on AMC.

Headshot: Emily Assiran

#entertainment spotlight #mattea conforti

[maybeacrowdedmind]

My Headcanoned Autistic Characters Part 1:

After seeing that people enjoyed my post on autistic characters both canon and headcaoned by yours truly, I decided to go into a little more detail about the characters I see as being autistic and why. So let part 1 commence!

Parker - Leverage:

I first started watching Leverage when I was about 11 or 12 years old. Prior to seeing Parker, I had never seen a book or tv show/movie character who was like me and not being made the butt of every joke. Parker is an extremely literal character in both her speech and her mannerisms. She is also very blunt and doesn't speak in metaphors; she simply says what she means. She also gets very excited over things that the other characters don't seem to get (like her love of Christmas and Santa Claus) and she is frustrated when things don't go how they are supposed too. Furthermore, Parker is shown to freak out when the plan goes wrong, and she is also often shown to say something socially "off" and have the other characters explain to her that just because it's true, doesn't always mean you should say it. However, despite having so many autistic traits that autistic people and characters are often shamed for, the rest of the team is accepting of her, and while they tease her, they do it in the same way with everyone. I still remember how happy I felt to finally see a character onscreen who was so similar to me, who was allowed to have agency and wasn't there to be the laughingstock of the Leverage team. Now, I can't remember which episode it was season and episode wise, but one of my favorites was the one where Parker has to wear the heavy shoes to match the mark's gait so she doesn't trip off the sensors, and when practicing, she starts freaking out because it doesn't feel right. As a person with extreme sensory issues, scenes like that mean a lot to me, because rather than have Hardison get upset with her or tell her to suck it up, he helps keep her calm and helps her to manage it comfortably.

Anya Jenkins - Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Anya is another character whose way of speaking is very similar to mine. She is also very blunt, and speaks unabashedly and in a brutally honest manner. Anya also doesn't understand how the human world works because she is/was a vengeance demon. Now, I'm not a vengeance demon turned human (or am I?), but I am an autistic person living in a neurotypical world that I don't really get. Anya also does not understand social cues or what having a filter means as evidenced by the fact that she often talks about stuff that is not "socially acceptable" to talk about, which I can definitely relate to (throwback to when I brought up that being a Communist would be way better than being a N**i at prom, effectively bringing the conversation to a screeching halt. It's a long story). As such, I see her as autistic, because again, I see myself in several of her mannerisms.

Mabel Pines - Gravity Falls:

I know for a fact that I'm not the only person who sees the mystery twins as autistic. I mean, to me, it's obvious, especially with Mabel. Mabel is an enthusiastic girl, whose special interests range from Sev'ral Timez to golf to arts and crafts. When she goes after something, she does so wholeheartedly and doesn't care if other people try to dissuade her. Mabel is also shown to have a great love for things staying the same, like her and Dipper going trick or treating and both of them staying together after the summer, and she gets both upset and sad when things change. Mabel is unafraid to be herself, but still takes hurtful comments to heart. A good example of this is when Pacifica tells Mabel that she is too silly and will never be taken seriously, leading Mabel to try to act different than her natural self for the remainder of the episode until the end. This is very similar to autistic people being told that the way they exist is incorrect due to not being NT and leading them to mask when around other people. Lastly, Mabel shows self-stimulatory behavior and comfort stims by going to sweater town.

Dipper Pines - Gravity Falls:

Like his twin, Dipper has a special interests, primarily mysteries and conspiracy theories. He spends a lot of time compiling information on these topics and is extremely knowledgeable of them. Dipper doesn't want to be seen as different from others, like Wendy and her friends, and tries to hide things like trick or treating from them. This is relatable to me because it is very similar to masking. Dipper tries to seem mature and cool to fit in with his friends, which reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger and would mask in order to be accepted by my friends (I'm currently trying to unlearn masking tendencies because my way of naturally existing is not an inconvenience and neither is the natural existence of anybody reading this). Dipper also stims, by chewing on his pens and shirt, and when something is important to him (like hacking the code on the computer) he very quickly becomes fixated on it, which is another thing I do all the time.

That's all for now; I'll post part 2 soon, either later today or tomorrow so keep an eye out. If you have any characters you've headcanoned as autistic, let me know in the replies. I'd love to see other characters people relate to. Also, if you could please check out the post I made in regards to my sister and the fundraising she's doing for a service dog and reblog it, that would be greatly appreciated.

#actually autistic #autistic character headcanon #autistic headcanon #autistic rep is important #leverage #parker #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #anya jenkins #gravity falls #mabel pines #dipper pines #mystery twins #part one of two

[jeonsjiddies]

Lying That You Love Me | myg (m)

Summary - Upon first glance, no one would assume Min Yoongi would be the type to put someone back together. If his icy cold stare and stoic expressions weren’t enough to spook most people away, then the body covered in piercings and tattoos usually sent them running. You never could have imagined Min Yoongi would be the one to put your pieces back together, but there is always more than meets the eye.

Word Count - 10.5k

Pairing - Yoongi x reader

Genre - smut, minor angst

Warnings - mentions of broken family, family issues, mentions of homelessness, softdom!yoongi, dirty talk, cream pie, unprotected sex, oral (female)

a/n - Part of the Tatted Bangtan Series! 💕 Sorry it’s soooo late, I sprained my wrist lol. Hope you enjoy now that it’s finally here! Huge thanks to @nervouskiwi​ , @sunshinekims​ , and @excusemin​ for beta reading.  💕

You know those people you just instantly connect with? You hear their laugh one time and suddenly you feel more connected to a stranger than a friend you've known your whole life? Something in their smile that resonates deep within your soul, that somehow, on some level (whether it be friends or lovers or a kind stranger who changed your life in passing only to never meet again) you are just... meant to find each other. 

Those people who feel like sunshine on your cloudy days? The ones who wrap you in warmth and make your heart say "Ah, yes, so this is what home is supposed to feel like. This is what it means to belong. This is what it means to be myself, unafraid."

Somehow, amidst all the chaos and the heartbreak and the hurt, you find yourself cocooned in safety, building your own version of home with these strangers who feel like family; and it's good.  And sometimes your heart beats so fast and your chest feels so tight and you feel like you just can't breathe, so you reach out a hand into the dark unknown and you're met with arms wrapping around you and holding you together. Holding you until all your broken pieces can be glued back together, one by one.

Min Yoongi was one of those people. 

Now, upon first glance, no one would assume Min Yoongi would be the type to put someone back together. He looked more like someone who was one wrong look away from tearing you to shreds. If his icy cold stare and stoic expressions weren’t enough to spook most people away, then the body covered in piercings and tattoos usually sent them running.

But you… you were a little different. You’d taken one look at the man covered in intricate inky designs and your face had lit up with glee. A few hours prior to meeting Yoongi, you’d been sitting in your car, reclined back with your phone, leeching off of McDonald’s free wifi for the 11th night in a row. Your back ached, your stomach growled, and your foot was one more cramp away from being the end of you. The tiny cabin of your car was no place for you to live.

You scrolled through rental listings, looking for the cheapest option that didn’t look like it popped straight out of a horror movie. Your budget was low, being recently thrown out by your father after a fight about you dropping out of college. Your father was convinced you couldn’t survive on your own and you wanted to prove him wrong.

Finally stumbling upon a small 2 bedroom apartment on the west side of town leasing out the second bedroom, you clicked on the listing. There was no way you’d be able to afford your own apartment in a safe area, so you’d ended up expanding your search to find someone looking for a roommate. You zoomed in on the pictures provided, though there were few, it looked pretty nice. You scrolled down and read the description.

Single male, 27, searching for a roommate. You pay half the rent and utilities. Rent is $950 and utilities usually range about $300 a month, give or take. Pets welcome, but there is a deposit with the apartment complex and a monthly fee. My friend (and ex roommate) recently moved in with his long-time girlfriend and I need someone to help with expenses. Serious inquiries only. Contact for more info. 555-555-1382.

You quickly typed the number into your phone and texted the man to set up a time to view the apartment, but if you were being honest with yourself, you were already sold. This was the cleanest looking unit you’d seen, on a safe side of town, and it was more affordable than anything else you were going to get that was half as nice.

The man was quick with responses and very polite, and the two of you agreed to meet that evening at 4pm. You were absolutely giddy, a petty smirk on your face as you imagined telling your father that you indeed weren’t coming home, tail between your legs. You would not allow him to dictate your life anymore.

3:30 rolled around and you made your way over to the area the apartment was listed in, not wanting to be late. The apartment was part of a large building that was clearly a few years old but still in good shape. You looked around, noting that the nearby houses were well-worn but not worn down. It looked like a good area, and based on your Trulia searches, the crime was low here. 

You smiled from your parking space and waited until 3:55 to walk up to the buzzer, hitting the button for apartment 5D which had Min Yoongi listed as a resident. Yoongi. You liked that name. You grinned when a deep voice came over the speaker, asking who was there.

“It’s Y/N, we have a 4pm appointment for me to see the apartment?” you answered back cheerily. 

“Oh, yes, come on up.” before he was even done speaking, you heard the door click as he unlocked it. 

You pulled open the heavy door and began making your way up the staircase, glancing around for the correct apartment. Near the end of the hallway, you finally spotted your destination, nestled in the corner by a large window that looked out to the rest of the apartment complex. There was a playground and a tennis court, without a net, but you didn’t really care. 

You gently knocked against the wooden door, the only one without some form of decoration on the outside and waited for the man to appear and let you inside. You weren’t sure what kind of person you expected to see on the other side of the wooden door; you really hadn’t given it much thought. You were entirely unprepared however, to see the sexiest man you’d ever laid eyes on swinging the door open and dusting his hands on his worn jeans before flicking his onyx gaze up to meet yours, pinning you to your spot.

You snapped out of your haze and allowed your eyes to roam over his features, from his button nose to his full lips, to his toned arms, covered with decorative tattoos, beautiful inky designs trailing from his knuckles all the way up his veiny forearms, past his biceps, and disappearing into the sleeve of his t shirt. You sucked in a breath, noticing the eyebrow ring and multiple ear piercings.

“Y/N, nice to meet you. I’m Yoongi.” he smiled, revealing his pearly white teeth, something shiny catching the light when his tongue darted out to wet his lips. A tongue ring.

A shiver ran through your body but you reached out your hand to shake his extended one. His large hand seemed to engulf yours, the veins prominent and a little distracting. Your face lit up in a grin, knowing that if your dad took one look at this man, he’d surely lose his mind.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Yoongi, thank you for meeting me on such short notice!” you smiled, allowing your hand to slip from his grasp and biting back the whine at the loss of contact.

“Come on in, have a look around. Like I said in the ad, my friend moved in with his girlfriend and left me to fend for myself. He did have the smaller bedroom but if that’s an issue, we can switch, if you’re interested that is.” he chuckled nervously, reaching his arm up to scratch the back of his neck.

“Oh, I am interested.” you giggled, looking around the spacey living room, which had an open concept that led into a small kitchen, but it looked like it had decent counter space. 

“Oh! This is the kitchen…” Yoongi began, leading you over to get a better look after seeing where your eyes were wandering. 

“It’s very roomy.” you noted with a smile.

“Jin did most of the cooking, but I helped out sometimes and we both fit in here pretty easily without getting in each other’s way.” he explained.

“Ooh, you cook?” you turned your gaze to him and watched as the tips of his ears turned pink.

“A little.” he admitted.

“Nice. Me too.” you grinned. 

“Cool.” he grinned, his smile was the cutest thing you’d ever seen, the best way you could describe it was… gummy. Sweet. Warm.

Yoongi led you on a tour of the rest of the house, showing you your future bedroom, which was furnished since his previous roommate hadn’t needed to take his bed with him, his bedroom, the bathroom you’d share, and the small laundry unit in the hallway, hidden behind a closet-like door. Nice. In-unit laundry was a definite plus.

The apartment wasn’t super spacious, the bedrooms were on the smaller side, but the living room and kitchen were nice sizes, and there was in-unit laundry, and Yoongi seemed like a very clean, respectful individual. You were sold before you’d walked in, but now you were over the moon about the small patch of paradise you’d stumbled upon.

“Is there a deposit required? Or just first and last month's rent?” you asked Yoongi, who’d taken a seat across from you at the table.

“Oh, just the first month’s rent is fine. I’m not like a landlord or anything.” he said, shooting you a playful smile.

“Okay. Do you want a check or…?” you questioned. “I mean, if you’re willing to let me lease with you.” 

“Of course! Check, cash, money order. I really don’t have a preference. If you want a paper trail with the office, we can do a check or money order.” he smiled.

You grinned back at the sheepish man across from you, his eyes shining with excitement. You were absolutely psyched to sleep in a real bed again, so tired of the worn leather seats in your car. Thank goodness it wasn’t summer so your skin wasn’t sticking to the material, but still. It wasn’t exactly a preferred sleeping space.

You ended up going to the ATM and giving Yoongi cash for the first month after adding your name to the lease just before the rental office closed. You both pitched in on a celebratory pizza and ate in the living room. You were surprised the rental office didn’t have to run a background check or something, you honestly didn’t think you’d be able to sleep in the apartment the same day you’d first laid eyes on it, but you weren’t complaining.

You stayed up with Yoongi until nearly 2am talking, drinking, laughing, and getting to know each other. He loved watching WWE, you loved watching K-dramas, he liked pineapple on his pizza and you thought that was basically blasphemy. Yoongi had braces growing up, had an older brother, preferred staying indoors to going out, and had a nasty habit he couldn’t seem to shake of biting his nails.

Yoongi was funny and warm and inviting. Though he seemed cold on the outside, he was actually very attentive and caring, always offering to refill your drink when he stood up, offering you a spare blanket if you looked cold, and making sure you felt comfortable as possible in your new home. You blamed it on the alcohol, but ended up getting way too personal too fast, telling Yoongi about why you’d moved in to begin with. 

“... and he’s so condescending and judgemental, like he would hate your tattoos and immediately label you a delinquent just based on that alone.” you took a breath after rambling on for a few minutes, letting out your frustration for your situation.

“Wow, that’s… a lot,” Yoongi shook his head sympathetically, “it’s your life, you should do what makes you happy. It’s not his place to control everything you do.” 

“He always has to be right, it’s exhausting.” you sighed.

“Well hey, bright side, you’re here now, and you’re free to be who you want and do whatever your heart desires. I fully support you.” Yoongi smiled at you and your heart seemed to grow three sizes. 

“Thank you, Yoongi. You have no idea how much that means to me.”

“Do you have anything you need washed?” you asked Yoongi, gesturing to the washing machine that wasn’t even half full. 

“Don’t you have any more clothes than that?” Yoongi asked.

For weeks, you’d been cycling the same three outfits you’d been able to bring with you in a small backpack when you’d left home.You’d thought about going back home to get the rest of your things, but you really didn’t want to face your father. You weren’t scared of him, not at all. In fact, you’d love to rub it in his face that you hadn’t failed as he’d expected you to do. You just didn’t want to deal with him yet. 

Being around Yoongi, having the freedom to be yourself and being so wholly accepted for exactly who you were was intoxicating, and you weren’t ready to go back into that suffocating environment full of judgement and expectations, even for a short time. You were strong and resilient, but you also knew that your family issues were a sore spot for you.

“I do at my parents house. I just haven’t had a chance to go get my stuff.” you shrugged, starting the washer.

“You haven’t had a chance? Between lounging around watching Netflix and binge eating takeout?” Yoongi chuckled, leaning up against the wall and regarding you with a curious look.

“I’ve had time,” you emphasize with a sigh, “I just… I’m not ready to go there alone.”

“What if you weren’t alone?” 

You looked up to meet Yoongi’s gaze in surprise, a supportive smile playing on his soft lips.

“What do you mean?” you asked, your chest filling with hope.

“If you want, I can go with you?” he offered.

“Really? You’d do that?” you tried to keep the astonishment out of your voice in an attempt to not look as pathetic and weak as you felt.

“Yeah, we can take my car, it’s bigger than yours anyway.” he shrugged, pushing himself off the wall and walking closer to you.

“Have I told you lately that you’re amazing?” you grinned, reaching up to hug him.

Yoongi was used to your affectionate nature, but sometimes it still caught him off guard, as he wasn’t an affectionate person. He wanted to be, he just wasn’t always comfortable using physical affection. He froze for a moment, but quickly regained his composure and wrapped his arms around your torso to return your hug. 

“Yes, but feel free to remind me anytime. My fragile ego needs it.” he joked, poking your side playfully.

You released him from your hold with a light chuckle, stepping back and grinning up at him. He coughed and looked down to hide his shy smile from your view.

“Let’s go.” 

“Wait, right now?” you gasped, eyes wide.

“Do you have other plans?” he questioned with a raised brow. 

“Well, no… but I-” you began but Yoongi sent you a look that had you slipping on your shoes and following him out the door.

Yoongi smirked to himself at how easily you caved into him with just a stern look, unlocking the car and ushering you in before settling in the driver's seat and starting the engine. You couldn’t stop bouncing your leg from nerves, and Yoongi glanced your way every so often before gently placing his large hand on your knee for comfort. Except it did little to comfort you, having his veiny hands on your body only sent your heart into overdrive and caused your breathing to become that much shallower. You gave him an A for effort though.

“It’s going to be okay, I’m right here,” he soothed, “I’ve got your back.”

“Thank you, Yoongi.” you smiled appreciatively, placing your hand on top of his for a moment before looking out the window, watching the trees fly by as you got closer to your parents house. 

You hadn’t alerted your parents that you’d be coming, part of you hoping they wouldn’t be home and you could use the spare key to get your things and get out without having to interact with your father. 

When the GPS announced you were one turn away, your hopes were crushed into a fine powder as you finally looked up and shrank back into your seat when you saw both of your parents’ vehicles occupying the driveway. Yoongi pulled in behind your mom’s car and cut the engine, turning to look at you. You met his gaze with your panicked one and he motioned for you to breathe with him, taking a few deep breaths and guiding you to calm yourself.

“You got this. You ready?” he asked.

“As I’ll ever be.” you sighed, stepping out of his car and meeting him before walking to the front door.

You gripped his hand tightly, and Yoongi looked down at your conjoined hands in surprise but didn’t say anything, realizing that you needed the support.He squeezed your hand gently before rapping softly on the door. Your whole body tensed when you heard the lock click and Yoongi gave your hand another encouraging squeeze. The door swung open and your mother’s face was revealed, causing the hole in your chest to clench. 

“Y/N!” she gasped, her eyes trailing along your form, down to your hands, then up Yoongi’s arms to his face, her expression one of astonishment.

“Hi, mom.” you coughed awkwardly.

“Y/N’s here?” you heard from behind her, the smug voice of your father grating against your ears. “Our little baby came home to admit we were right?”

His grinning face came into your view, standing just behind your mother, his smirk immediately falling once he laid eyes on Yoongi.

“Who’s this?” he asked.

“This is Yoongi, he’s my-” you began.

“Are you dating this man?” your father interrupted, sounding panicked.

Your eyes flitted from your mom’s face to your dad’s, turning red with frustration. He had always hated people with tattoos, and you’d warned Yoongi about this. You didn’t think he’d get this worked up about it, and suddenly an idea popped in your head, and just as Yoongi was about to argue that you weren’t dating amidst your silence, you spoke up.

“Yes. He’s my boyfriend.” you said quickly, squeezing Yoongi’s hand in an attempt to beg him to go along with it.

Yoongi’s breath caught and he coughed into his elbow uncomfortably, but gave a sheepish grin when he recovered, letting go of your hand and extending his out to your parents.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N. I’m Min Yoongi.”

Your mother stared at his hand hanging in the air like it was a foreign object before she collected herself, gingerly taking his hand in hers. Your father followed suit, his expression hard.

“It’s nice to meet you, Yoongi.” your mom smiled, warming up to Yoongi’s polite aura.

“I’m very honored to finally meet you. I see where Y/N gets her pretty eyes from.” Yoongi smiled, causing your mom to turn bashful and swat at him playfully.

Your dad hadn’t budged an inch, his hard gaze focused on the man at your side, scrutinizing and unwelcoming. His eyes wandered over Yoongi’s plethora of tattoos, many piercings, and ripped jeans. He made a face of distaste before turning his gaze to you.

“What are you doing here?” he wondered.

“We’re getting some of my stuff to take back home.” you explained.

“Home? You live with this man?!” you dad guffawed. 

“Yes, we live together.” Yoongi supplied for you, stepping closer to you and wrapping an arm around you, kissing the top of your head affectionately.

He mostly wanted to be a shield for you against your father, as he could tell you were starting to shrink in on yourself, and he wanted to offer you a little more strength. You smiled up at him, hoping your eyes showed your thankfulness.

“Absolutely not, young lady. I won’t permit it.” your father hissed.

“With all due respect, you don’t tell me what I can and can’t do. I’m an adult, and you kicked me out.” you shrugged, using your best acting skills to appear nonchalant.Yoongi felt your body shivering slightly against his.

“I- You-” your dad fumed. 

“Why don’t we grab your clothes and come back for the rest when everyone has calmed down a little?” Yoongi offered quietly in your ear.

You nodded, pulling him along with you to your old bedroom. You felt your dad’s piercing gaze follow you down the hallway, but you ignored it. You grabbed some clothes and a few other things, throwing them in a decorative tote you’d once used to house scrapbooking supplies. Yoongi took the tote from you and led the way back out of the house, your hand clutching the back of his shirt like a safety blanket, the other arm filled with more clothes.

Your mom watched you quietly, with a sullen expression, seeming to try and express her apologies through her eyes while your dad seethed from his recliner, refusing to look at you. You sighed, taking a look around the house you used to call home before announcing your departure and waving goodbye, following Yoongi out the front door.

Once you’d placed the things in the back of the car and sat in the passenger seat, your body deflated. Yoongi began driving, to get you out of the line of sight of your parents in case you broke down, so they wouldn’t see.

“Yoongi, I’m so sorry I dragged you into that. I don’t know what I was thinking, I just- I saw his face and I wanted to-” you sighed, struggling to explain the reason behind your split second decision to lie about the nature of your relationship.

“I understand.” 

“You’re not mad?” you looked over at him in surprise.

“No. I can see the power dynamic in that house. Your family clearly has some issues they need to work out. I’m not mad.” he explained.

“I don’t deserve you,” you sighed, leaning your head on his shoulder, “you’re the greatest friend I’ve ever had.”

“Dang, that bar is set pretty low, Y/N.” he joked.

You slapped his arm playfully with a grin lighting up your face, suddenly feeling much lighter than you had moments ago. 

“How about I pay for pizza tonight as a thank you?” you offered, gazing up at him.

“As long as there’s pineapple on it.” he smirked.

“Half and half.”

Seasons changed, the air turned colder, the leaves on the trees transitioning from vibrant green to deep golden yellows and reds before fading away altogether as the harsh winter breeze bagan to set in. Each new day, you learned more about Yoongi, and the two of you grew closer. Yoongi was respectful of your space and time. He would notice when you were having a bad day and do little things you almost didn’t notice to help you out and reduce your stress. He’d pick up your favorite tea on his way home from work or invite you to watch a movie you knew he wouldn’t have watched on his own. 

You tried to show him the same level of respect, like making sure there was fresh coffee for him in the morning, or packing his lunch when he was running late. The more time you spent with Yoongi, the more you adored him. Possibly a little too much… You’d known from the moment you laid eyes on him that he was gorgeous, but you didn’t think it would be so distracting. 

Oftentimes, you’d find yourself staring at the way Yoongi’s lips moved while he talked, or watching the way his muscles flexed while he wrote. Your breath would hitch when your bodies brushed against each other in the hallway or maneuvering around the kitchen together. You’d try to slip past him and his hands would reflexively find your hips to steady you and guide you past him. Sparks would shoot through your veins any time his skin touched yours, a warm tingle left wherever his touch had been. 

Your eyes would linger a second too long when he’d come out of the bathroom in a towel, or when he’d stretch during your frequent binge watching sessions, the hem of his shirt lifting to reveal a sliver of gorgeous ivory skin. Your mouth would water on the occasions when his hip tattoo would be revealed if his sweats hung a little too low. Sometimes you swore he was doing it on purpose, when you’d look up to find him watching you with an amused expression and you’d tear your eyes away as your cheeks filled with heat.

Yoongi never called you out for gawking at him, he’d simply raise an eyebrow and his delicious lips would turn up in an amused smirk. You weren’t the only one who got caught staring though. You noticed his eyes on you when you would bend over to grab a water from the fridge, or his gaze trailing down your neck towards your breasts when you’d come home sweaty from a run. You pretended not to notice, but you saw the way his eyes would linger.

You danced around each other like that, somehow simultaneously completely at ease and growing closer with each passing day but incredibly bothered with tension and desire. Or perhaps it was all in your head, wishful thinking on your part. You couldn’t count on all your fingers and toes the amount of times Yoongi’s name would fall from your lips in pathetic whimpers while you attempted to keep quiet whilst touching yourself under the covers in your room.

You tried to act like nothing had changed, which is why when Yoongi invited you to watch a movie with him, you’d snuggled up to him on the couch, just like always, a thick blanket wrapping the two of you in warmth. Your head rested on his shoulder and his hand on your knee, the heat from his skin on yours causing other areas of your anatomy to warm up as well. It was hard paying attention to the screen when you could feel the warmth of his skin seeping through your jeans where his hand met your knee but you did your best.

You watched as the main characters began taking their clothes off and tensed up awkwardly, looking up at Yoongi to ask if he wanted anything to drink… at the same time he’d glanced down to ask if you wanted more popcorn. Your faces were mere centimeters away, you could feel his hot breath ghosting against your lips, your gazes locked. Your heart skipped a beat and time seemed to slow, and you could have sworn he’d begun leaning in, but a loud crash in the movie startled you both out of your moment, and you’d pulled away with an awkward cough.

Yoongi scratched the back of his neck and avoided eye contact, and you’d stood up, using his leg as leverage, but your hand slipped and glided up his thigh, almost making contact with his crotch. You wretched your hand away like you’d been burned and mumbled something about a refill before making a beeline for the kitchen.  Hand over your heart, free hand resting on the counter to hold yourself up while you struggled to regulate your heartbeat, you closed your eyes and took deep breaths. 

Was Yoongi about to kiss you? Surely not, but the way your eyes had connected, the sparks his intense gaze had sent down your spine… you shivered. You refilled your water and grabbed a new drink for Yoongi before making your way back to the living room, sitting a few inches from him and extending out your offering to  him, which he took with a quiet “thanks.”

The air was thick and uncomfortable, the lingering tension from the almost-kiss nearly suffocating the both of you. You nearly jumped out of your skin when your phone started ringing, a FaceTime call from your mom. You sat up and sent a panicked look towards Yoongi, who glanced at the screen before scooting closer to you, and pressing the answer button. 

“Hi mom!” 

“Hello, love. Oh. I see Yoongi is with you. Hello, Yoongi.” she smiled politely. 

“Hello, ma’am.” 

“Y/N, I packed up some more of your stuff, I felt awful for how the other day went and I wanted to apologize.  I talked to your father as well, and… you know how he is.  I want to support you and if Yoongi makes you happy, I want to get to know him. I miss you.” she rambled, clearly nervous.

“Oh mom… thank you. I really appreciate that.”

“I do have to admit though, I was very surprised that you two were together, it just seemed so… unexpected. You usually go for a more clean cut kind of guy…”

“Well, you know what they say, opposites attract.” Yoongi supplied with a charming smile after  sensing your body stiffen. 

“That they do!” your mom agreed with a giggle, “it just didn’t seem real at first, I suppose.”

You shot Yoongi a panicked glance out of the frame of the camera, silently begging him to turn up the PDA. His lip was tucked between his teeth in nervousness, but he let it slide free and steeled himself before leaning in and brushing a gentle kiss to your cheek. Which would’ve been a great plan, had that not been the exact moment you’d decided to turn your head to look at him. 

His lips met yours for the briefest moment, the most tender ghost of a touch, but it lit your insides aflame. Your heart pounded erratically, your chest tightening, and the air seeming to have been stolen from your lungs. Your arm holding your phone grew slack, and you dropped it onto the couch cushion, your hand instinctively placing itself upon Yoongi’s firm chest. The kiss lasted mere seconds, but with the way time stilled around you, it might as well have been hours. His soft lips pressed so delicately to yours suspended gravity itself, and you were floating on cloud nine.

“Y/N? Hello?”

The two of you broke apart in shock, springing away from each other like magnets with the same charge, eyes wide and breathing heavy as you stared at one another. Moments passed with your heartbeat pounding in your ear like a drum before you came to your senses and picked your phone up.

“Sorry mom. Can I call you back?” 

“Oh sure, love you.”

“Love you too, mom.”

Yoongi had taken your momentary distraction as an excuse to escape to his bedroom, leaving you alone in the living room with wide eyes and fingertips pressed to your lips in shock. Your lips had barely touched and it felt like your worlds had collided, two missing pieces finally coming together. And it was terrifying, so you decided not to dwell on it, you’d deal with it when the time came.

That didn’t stop you from replaying the moment in your head for the rest of the night, however. Laying in your bed with Yoongi just one wall away, you wondered if he was thinking about the kiss, if he was thinking about you too. Shoving the hopeful thoughts from your mind, you let yourself drift to sleep.

You weren’t sure why you’d agreed to spend the holiday with your family, but your mother’s persistent guilt trip over the past few weeks had worn your resistance thin. Yoongi’s family was back in Korea so he didn’t have any other plans, usually opting to spend Christmas alone with a bottle of bourbon and leftover takeout. He’d agreed to be your buffer between yourself and your father and accompany you to the hellscape that was your old home.

Snow had already begun to softly drift from the skies, so Yoongi had reminded you about ten times to dress warm so you didn’t catch a cold. Upon the 8th reminder, you’d snarkily shot back “yes daddy.” and rolled your eyes, stomping off to pull on your gloves. Yoongi had frozen in place, jaw slack as his eyes bored into the back of your head. You paid him no mind, wrapping a scarf around your neck and tucking it into your coat before pulling on your hat. 

“Are you coming?” you asked, your eyes warily running along Yoongi’s rigid body as he stood there with his eyes closed taking deep breaths.

“Yeah. I’ll meet you down there.” he tossed you the keys so you could unlock the car he’d started a few minutes beforehand, making sure it was warmed up.

You trudged down to the car, dragging your purse and the pie you were meant to bring to the occasion, sliding into Yoongi’s passenger seat and placing your hands against the vents for the warm air. A few minutes later, Yoongi joined you, much more relaxed than before. You sent him a hopeful smile and rested your hand on his knee.

“Thanks for coming with me.” 

“Of course. I’ve got your back.” he shrugged, backing out of the space carefully.

You watched the scenery as Yoongi drove, noting how the snow had dusted the trees with a beautiful blanket, making everything brighter, almost as if it sparkled. You loved the snow as a kid and you loved it still, a fond nostalgia settling in your chest until you noticed you were getting closer to your parents house. Your grip returned on Yoongi’s knee and he tensed a bit before placing his free hand on top of yours.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m right here,” he soothed, then wiggled his eyebrows playfully “plus your mom approves of your boyfriend now.” 

“She loves you more than me now.” you pouted.

“Well, I am pretty irresistible.” 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” you threw back.

“Don’t think I don’t notice you checking me out, babe.” he smirked, emphasizing the last word as you both walked up to the front door, Yoongi’s hand reaching out to knock gently.

“Shut up.” you crossed your arms defiantly.

Yoongi poked at your side, almost making you drop your pie, but he saved it at the last minute by reaching out and grabbing it from you. This caused his face to be just inches from yours and your eyes locked for a moment and you swear time stopped. Your heart was pounding in your chest as his gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips momentarily, and you sucked in a breath in anticipation. It might have been your imagination, but Yoongi seemed to get a little closer to your parted, waiting lips before your mom opened the door. The two of you sprung apart like you’d been caught at a crime scene.

“Well don’t stop on my account.” your mom giggled, sending you a playful wink before beckoning you inside.

You avoided eye contact with Yoongi and tried to take steady breaths to calm your racing heart, your mind going a mile a minute. Was he about to kiss you? Surely not. You were play dating, and no one was watching. Did he want to kiss you? Your cheeks were on fire and you were honestly a little riled up, pressing your thighs together discreetly. You handed your mom the pie, which she sliced and set on the table.

“Merry Christmas, mom. Where’s dad?” 

“Oh he’s taking a nap. Yoongi, come over here! I want to get a picture of you two together!” your mom grinned.

“What are you, best friends now? You guys video chat at least once a week.” you whined.

Your mom waved you off and held her camera up while Yoongi stood beside you, giving you plenty of room. 

“Scoot closer. You’re boyfriend and girlfriend, not awkward preteens.” your mom huffed.

Yoongi stepped closer and put an arm around your shoulder, leaning in and smiling for the camera. You heard the shutter go off a few times, attempting to pull away.

“Wait. Let’s get one of you kissing his cheek, Y/N!” your mom gushed.

“Moooooom.”

“Do it.” she chided.

You sighed and glanced up at Yoongi in silent apology, but he only lent over and offered you his cheek. You gently pressed your lips to it, feeling the skin tingle where it met his. The tips of Yoongi’s ears were suspiciously pink, but you paid it no mind. He was probably uncomfortable. Your mom snapped a few pictures and smiled to herself.

“You two act like you’ve never touched each other.” she commented offhandedly while turning around to place her phone on the charger.

“Yoongi’s not a fan of PDA.” you covered smoothly.

“When I was your age my man couldn’t keep his hands off of me.” she shrugged.

“MOM!”

“What? It’s true. Young men always have a one track mind.” 

You covered your face with your hands, and your mom laughed. Yoongi wrapped his arms around you from behind, shielding you with his body.

“Don’t be shy babe. I just wanted to be respectful around your mom but she doesn’t seem to care.” he spoke, allowing his lips to graze along the shell of your ear, causing a shiver to run through your body. 

Yoongi smirked and kissed your cheek before letting you go, standing up straighter. You glanced where he was staring and your dad was making his way down the hall to join everyone. 

“Merry Christmas, dad.” you said politely.

“Merry Christmas.” he responded, his tone a little stiff and uncomfortable.

He wasn’t showing clear distaste for you or Yoongi, so you took it as a win. Your mom must have had a talk with him. You silently thanked her and took your seat beside Yoongi at the table. Dinner was pretty uneventful, light small talk that your father barely participated in and Yoongi relentlessly complimenting your mom on her cooking skills, telling her how delicious the food was and how he needed the recipes. 

After dinner, you all sat around the tree and opened gifts, your father having gifted your mother a lovely pearl necklace, your  mother giving your father a new watch. You’d gifted your mom a foot massager that looked like slippers you’d seen at the mall, and your father a new set of tools, knowing his were beginning to wear. You’d gifted Yoongi a gift card to his favorite store at the mall, and he’d given you a beautiful bracelet he saw you eyeing a few weeks back. 

The last gift to be opened had been a pair of matching couple’s pajamas for you and Yoongi, a red and white plaid design that was actually kind of cute. Your mom made you hold them up and take a picture together, ignoring your protests that she had taken plenty of pictures beforehand. Packing everything up and getting ready to go, you looked up between your parents and sighed contentedly.

“This was nice, getting along,” you smiled at your mom, standing up and dusting off your skirt, “we’ll be sure to visit soon.”

Your mom leaned in for a hug from both of you while your dad stood silently off to the side, hands at his sides, fingers twitching slightly like he was unsure if he should lean in as well or not. Swallowing your pride because it was Christmas, you walked over to him and wrapped your arms around him. He gently patted your back a few times before stepping back.

“See you around, dad. Merry Christmas.” you spoke softly.

“Merry Christmas.” he repeated, looking away uncomfortably.

You sighed and took Yoongi’s hand in your own, gazing up at him in a silent question. He smiled and pulled you towards the door.  The second he opened the entrance, snow blew into the living room from the force of the wind, and Yoongi quickly shut the door, having to put in more strength than usual with how hard the wind was blowing. 

“Wow, it’s really coming down hard out there.” your mom commented, eyebrows raising in surprise. 

“Does your vehicle have four wheel drive?” your dad asked.

“Um… no.” Yoongi scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably.

“Oh there is no way I’m letting you drive in this!” your mother gasped.

“Mom, we have to go home. I’m sure we can drive slow.” you reasoned, though your nerves about the weather were grating at you.

“Absolutely not. You’ll stay here.” she commanded.

“YN… your mom is probably right. It looks pretty bad out there. I don’t think it would be safe…” Yoongi said quietly.

You sighed, resigning to your fate and nodded, setting your purse back on the coat rack and removing your jacket. Yoongi followed suit, shedding his coat and hanging it up, smiling apologetically in your direction. Your father had already retreated back to his bedroom to clean up for the night. 

“Are the spare blankets still in the hall closet?” you asked your mom.

“Yes, why?” she wondered.

“I was going to grab one, Yoongi or I will probably be sleeping on the couch.” 

“That couch is not comfortable enough to sleep on. It’s not like I don’t know you sleep together at home.” she scoffed.

Your cheeks lit up brighter than the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room and you didn’t dare look at Yoongi. Your mom laughed at your reaction, rolling her eyes and walking down the hall.

“Goodnight, see you in the morning.” she called over her shoulder.

The two of you stood there silently for a moment before you coughed and gestured for him to follow you to your old bedroom. Most of your stuff had been taken to your apartment by that point, so it was mostly just your old bed and an empty dresser with a lamp on it. You glanced down at the full sized bed, which had enough room for the two of you, but barely enough to ensure that you wouldn’t end up touching.

“Do you care which side?” you wondered, finally looking up to meet Yoongi’s gaze. 

“No, it doesn’t matter to me.” he shrugged.

“Okay. You can go change first.” you offered.

Yoongi nodded and disappeared down the hallway to change into the pajamas your mother had gifted the both of you previously in the night. You decided to go ahead and rush through changing while Yoongi was gone, slipping on the matching pair and crawling into bed. The two of you laid straight on your backs, staring at the ceiling for a while.

“I’m sorry about this.” you mumbled quietly.

“It’s okay, really.”

You didn’t remember falling asleep so soon, but you woke up to a pitch black room with something warm and firm pressed up against your back. You snuggled closer to the warmth in the freezing room and were met with a low groan and something a solid pressing against your backside.

“Nnnngh.” Yoongi whined, half-asleep, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you flush against him.

You froze, trying not to rub against Yoongi’s erection that was pressing into your ass, but that didn’t stop the shiver from traveling through your body. With great effort, you managed to turn yourself around in Yoongi’s arms so you were facing him, watching his serene facial expressions in his slumber.

Yoongi really was a beautiful man. You watched him take slow, steady breaths, his face illuminated by the moonlight trickling in between the blinds. You wanted to reach out and touch him, feel his smooth skin beneath your fingertips, but you didn’t dare in case you woke him. 

His body shuffled closer to yours once more, his arms tightening around you until your noses were nearly touching and you had to hold in a gasp. There was no way this would be happening if Yoongi had been conscious, and you weren’t sure if you should let him sleep or alert him to what he was doing. You couldn’t help being slightly elated at the situation though, being this close to Yoongi and being able to study his features without fear of looking weird, and the way his groin felt pressed against your lower stomach wasn’t something you’d complain about either.

You decided you should probably stop taking advantage of his unconscious state and attempted to climb over him to get out of bed without disturbing him. Just as you’d swung your leg over his body, he turned in his sleep, flipping onto his back, effectively knocking you off balance until you landed atop his chest, your legs straddling his hips. 

You glanced up at his face and your eyes met, faces mirroring expressions of shock. You were both frozen in place for a moment, staring into each other’s eyes. You snapped out of it and tried to climb off of Yoongi’s hips, just as Yoongi tried to sit up, so all the two of you accomplished was grinding your core against Yoongi’s erection. Yoongi let out a strangled moan, reaching out to grab your hips to hold you still. 

His fingers gripped the skin of your hips where your shirt had ridden up, and his touch burned in the best way. You fought back a whimper at the delicious feeling, your hips stilling in his iron grasp. The air in the room changed, getting thicker. You swore you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. Your racing heart skipped a beat as Yoongi’s eyes traveled down your body until they rested where your core met his length. He shivered. You gulped. Once again, you attempted to flee your current position.

“Please- don’t move,” Yoongi whined, almost desperately, “you’re making it worse.”

“I know I’m irresistible.” you chuckled awkwardly, trying to lighten the mood.

“You really are.” 

Your brows rose in surprise at the earnest tone he spoke in, his voice bordering desperate. Your mouth slightly agape, you searched his eyes for confirmation he wasn’t joking. He  smirked and sat up, holding you against him as his lips ghosted along your neck, barely brushing against your skin. His hot breath fanning against your skin sent a shiver down your spine. His fingers dug into your sides almost demandingly, and he let out a low, animalistic growl. 

“You don’t even realize what you do to me… how much you tempt me. I see the way you look at me, the way your eyes linger. You’re anything but subtle. I’ve tried so hard to hold back… If we weren’t at your parents house, I’d fuck you so hard you’d forget your name…” Yoongi’s voice was low and quiet, and you let out an involuntary whimper at his words, causing his eyes to darken and a smirk to play on his pretty lips, “but maybe you’d like that, maybe you want them to hear, you want them to know what a dirty slut you can be, wanna show them who you belong to. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, baby girl?” he purred, rocking his hips up into yours, letting his rock-hard member drag deliciously against your covered folds.

“Oh fuck… yes.” you whimpered, all sense of dignity flying out the window at his dirty words.

“Fuck, I’ve dreamed about this for so long.” he groaned, using his hands to guide your hips along his length.

“Me too.” you whimpered, falling forward and placing your hands on the defined planes of his chest, feeling it rise and fall as quickly as yours.

You allowed your hands to wander underneath his sleep shirt, feeling his warm skin against your own, slowly dragging your digits along his torso and teasingly letting your nails scrape gently against his nipples. Yoongi watched with rapt attention as you explored his body, relishing in the way you attempted to memorize every inch your eyes could devour.

His fingers dug into your hips when you flicked your thumb over his nipple, and you smiled innocently before dragging your hands down to the waistband of his pajama pants, gently lifting the elastic and letting it snap back against his skin, causing him to buck his hips up into yours. His hands traveled up your hips to grip the hem of your shirt, pausing and meeting your gaze to make sure you were alright, and you nodded, placing your hands on his and guiding them to remove the fabric, revealing your bare breasts underneath. Yoongi sucked in a breath, a low whine escaping as he released it. 

His hands immediately found purchase on your breasts, his thumb and index finger rolling your hardened nipple. You let your head fall back as electricity shot straight to your core at his actions. You felt him move below you, sitting up in order to take one of your pert nipples into his waiting mouth. His warm tongue worked against the sensitive bud, alternating between licking and sucking while he worked the neglected nipple between his fingers. Your breathing grew shallower, your whines needier, and you felt Yoongi smirking against your skin, releasing your abused flesh with an audible pop.

“You fall apart so easily for me… who could’ve guessed you’d be such a responsive, cock hungry little thing.” he mused while allowing his hands to travel down your stomach, so close to where you needed stimulation.  

“Yoongi please…”

“Fuck, say it again. My name sounds so much better coming from your pretty lips.” 

“Yoongi.” you moaned, nearly breathless. “Please.”

In an instant, Yoongi had you flipped over, resting on your back as he hovered over you, his hungry gaze trailing over your chest and traveling down. He tugged on the waistband of your pajamas, pulling them down past the swell of your ass, then helping you kick them off and aside, leaving you in nothing but your panties.

“Wanna see you, Yoongi.” you pleaded, tugging on the hem of his shirt.

He quickly obliged, whipping it off and tossing it aside, revealing his expanse of glorious ivory skin to you. Your gaze traveled down the expanse of his torso, tracing over the intricate designs that decorated his skin in awe. You’d seen glimpses, when he’d been in just a towel, or stripping off his shirt at the washing machine, but you’d never gotten a good look up close. 

You tentatively lifted your fingers, your index gently tracing the inky black lines as tenderly as you could, barely a ghost of a touch as you admired the beautiful artwork that so perfectly suited such a beautiful man. Yoongi shivered at your touch, watching you study his ink with such wonder in your eyes pulled at his heart strings, reminding him exactly why he’d fallen for you in the first place. 

“When we have more time, I want to hear all about these,” you mused quietly, “what they mean, when you got them, I want to know everything.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know baby,” he pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, “but for now…” he trailed off, slowly moving his body down, kissing a path from your lips down your front until he reached the elastic band of your panties.

He teasingly ran his finger under the elastic, grinning up at your from his spot between your thighs before pulling the garment from your body and tossing it aside, revealing your soaking pussy to him. You tried to close your legs from embarrassment, but Yoongi gently slid his hands up your thighs, gently kneading the flesh there.

“So beautiful, please don’t hide from me.” he cooed, kissing a line from your thigh to your folds, causing you to let out a pleased sigh and spread your legs further for him, “mmm… good girl.”

He rewarded you by licking a long stripe up your slit, gathering your slick on his tongue and making a pleased noise in the back of his throat before diving in, working his warm muscle against your clit in different motions, alternating between sucking it between plump lips, licking broad stripes against it, and drawing figures with the tip of his tongue. 

Using your pleasure as a distraction, he slowly eased a finger inside of your entrance, your slick aiding him with the welcome intrusion. He curled his finger and made come hither motions, repeatedly rubbing the pad of his finger against your weakest spot, and it took everything inside of you not to cry out at the intense fire burning in your core as he worked you closer to your first release. He slowly added a second finger, then a third, scissoring you open and prepping you for his cock. 

Just the thought of the thick member you’d felt pressing against your lower back earlier nestled deep inside you had you drooling, and Yoongi’s skills with his mouth and fingers were certainly not hurting. Quiet whimpers escaped your lips as you fought the urge to buck your hips up into his mouth as your climax came closer and closer. Yoongi noticed your needy behavior and sped up his actions, working you towards your release. 

You bit down on your fingers to stifle the loud moans that threatened to spill from your lips, even in your lust clouded mind, the last thing you needed was to be interrupted before you could get Yoongi inside of you. As your orgasm crashed over you from Yoongi’s ministrations, your back arched off the bed and you nearly drew blood from how hard you had to bite down to keep quiet, your body shaking as you came down from euphoria. 

Yoongi kissed his way back up your body, finally becoming eye-level with you, smirking at your fucked out state and heavy breathing. You laughed and hid your face in the crook of his neck, drawing his body closer to yours in an attempt to hide. Yoongi’s low chuckles reverberated, shaking the bed slightly. Your hands traveled from being wrapped around his neck, slowly trailing down his back and pulling on the elastic of his pajama bottoms, desperate to lay eyes on his thick cock, which was pressed into your hip.

“Yoongi… need you. Need you so bad.” you begged.

Yoongi’s cock twitched in his pj’s, and he assisted you with ridding him of them and his boxers in one go, allowing his cock to spring free and slap against his stomach in all its glory. You were absolutely salivating as you looked at the reddened tip, leaking precum, the long shaft, and you couldn’t wait to feel him filling you up.

“Ready, princess?” he wondered, lining his member up with your entrance after gathering your slick to coat the head.

“So ready. Please fuck me, Yoongi.” 

Yoongi slowly pushed himself inside your entrance, stretching your walls in the most delicious way. He took his time, periodically checking your expression for discomfort as he impaled you with his length. Your breathing was erratic, you were clutching onto his back for dear life as he split you open, eventually bottoming out. Yoongi stretched you out in all the best ways, filling you up better than any man had ever dreamed of before, and you were living for it. 

You rocked your hips up into his, begging him to move, and Yoongi slowly pulled out until just the tip was sheathed inside your warmth before pushing back in, gaining more speed as he went.  You couldn’t help the pathetic whines and moans that fell from your lips as Yoongi worked his hips, thrusting into you at a punishing pace. Every rock of his hips had the tip of his cock meeting your cervix, the powerful thrusts sending you closer and closer to oblivion. 

“Fuck, babygirl, you look so sexy like this, taking my cock so well… like you were made for me. So fucking perfect.” Yoongi whispered hotly in your ear, licking a bold stripe along the shell, sending shivers coursing through your body.

“Yoongi, fuck.” 

“That’s it baby, who’s making you feel this good?” he accentuated the last word with a harder thrust that sent your body a little farther up the bed.

“You, Yoongi! Oh oh o-oh..” your whines grow louder and Yoongi quickly covered your mouth with his own in an attempt to drown out the noise, lest your parents really do hear him defiling their daughter in her childhood bedroom. 

You clawed desperately at his back, trying to warn him of your impending orgasm, and Yoongi deepened the kiss in understanding, pistoning his hips with as much strength as he could muster and reaching down to roll your clit between his fingers, sending you sailing off the edge, Yoongi’s kiss stifled your scream before he soon followed you off the edge, painting your walls white with his hot release. 

Yoongi pecked your lips tenderly before rolling off of you and landing on his back beside you, both of you panting and grinning like idiots. Yoongi’s cum seeped out of your battered hole, and he licked his lips at the sight, causing you to cover your face and giggle. He stood, walking into the bathroom and dampening a washcloth to clean you up as gently as he could before tossing it into the hamper and resuming his position on his side of the bed.

The sun was just beginning to rise and shine through the blinds as you lay beside Yoongi, still catching your breath. You glanced over at Yoongi to find he was already looking at you. He gave you a shy, tentative smile.

“So…” he trailed off.

“So…?” 

Yoongi sighed and sat up, urging you to follow suit so you could both talk. You followed his instructions, wincing slightly. He gently reached out and took both of your hands in his larger ones, looking up to meet your gaze before he spoke quietly.

“Listen… I know this started off as a lie to piss your dad off, but… I would be lying now if i said it was still fake for me. I really like you, Y/N.. I have for a while. I don’t know when it happened but somewhere along the way, I just- I don’t know. But if you’re willing to give me a chance, a real chance, I think I could make you happy.” he spoke quietly, his eyes filled with light and hope.

“Oh Yoongi…” you sighed, cupping his cheek with your hand tenderly and smiling as he leaned subconsciously into your touch, “you already do. None of this is fake for me either, not anymore. I really, really like you.”

A soft knock on your door tore you two from your moment, your heads snapping towards the door as you pulled the blanket up to cover your breasts.

“Morning, guys, breakfast will be ready in ten.” your mom called through the wood.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to look your mom in the eye now.” Yoongi chuckled.

“She already thought we were fucking before this.” you reasoned with a smirk.

Yoongi groaned and hid his face in the crook of your neck and you laughed, carding your fingers through his messy post-sex hair lovingly. 

“I can’t believe you’re really mine, for real this time.” he whispered into the safety of your neck.

“And I can’t believe you’re mine… for real this time,” you grin, carding your fingers through his hair comfortingly, “let’s eat so we can go home.”

The two of you got dressed and headed out for breakfast, engaging in small talk with your mom and semi-comfortable silence with your dad. You still had a ways to go to fix that relationship, but you were pleased with the progress. You didn’t think you’d ever have a perfect relationship with your father, but you didn’t have to. You didn’t have to fix everything, or be who he wanted in order to receive love, you were slowly learning. 

The roads had been salted and deemed safe to drive on, so you and Yoongi bid your parents a farewell, thanking them for letting you stay and for the gifts. Your mom pulled you into a hug, then Yoongi into one as well.

“I just love how happy you are around him, Y/N. It’s like you’re glowing. You two come visit soon, okay? I miss seeing you.” your mom spoke, holding your hand in hers.

“We will. I love you, mom.”

Yoongi reached out and you placed your hand in his, letting him lead you home.

Months later, on another lazy Sunday afternoon, you were cuddled up with your boyfriend on the couch of your shared apartment, snuggling into his chest while the two of you half paid attention to another movie on Netflix. Wrapped up in blankets and Yoongi’s arms, you’d never felt safer, more content, or so unbelievably happy.

Yoongi had your hand wrapped in his, lazily placing kisses along your wrist, palm, the tips of your fingers, anywhere his lips would reach. He wanted to shower you in kisses. You watched him with curious eyes, noting the way his own were shining as he met your gaze.

“What?” you wondered, chucking quietly.

“Say it again.”

“Yoongi,” you whined, looking up at him with a smile nonetheless, “I’ve said it like fifty times today.”

“Just one more time.” 

You rolled your eyes before quietly letting the words roll off your lips like dripping honey as you pressed a kiss to his skin. “I love you, Min Yoongi.” 

Yoongi hummed happily, almost like a purring cat, “Mmm.. I love you too.”

You snuggled into his embrace before he spoke up once more.

“Okay, just one more time.” 

You laughed and rolled over so you were straddling him, reaching down and squishing his cheeks together before pressing your lips to his.

“I love you.” you giggled, pecking his lips once more, then repeating the words and actions over and over and over again.

“I love you I love you I love you I love you.”  you peppered kisses all over his face, any part of it you could reach until your boyfriend was a mess beneath you, laughing and blushing with the biggest gummy smile on his face.

Every once in a while, you meet someone you instantly connect with. Every so often you cross paths with someone you’re just meant to meet. But, once in a lifetime, you meet someone who makes your soul feel whole again. You see a face in the crowd and instantly feel at home. You hear their laugh one time and suddenly the world has color again. Once in a lifetime, you meet someone who doesn’t save you, but holds you steady while you gather the strength you need to save yourself. 

Min Yoongi is that person for you.

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