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weirdmarioenemies · 3 years

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Name: Podoboo

Debut: Super Mario Bros.

Before I start this post, I’d like to clear something up. Podoboo? Yes, Podoboo! I’m well aware these enemies are often called Lava Bubbles and that’s the name Nintendo has been trying to make standardised these days, but you know what? You can’t make me! Podoboo is a lot cuter, plus its the name I grew up with and changes in society scare me and cause me to lash out! Maybe Lava Bubble is closer to the Japanese name of just “Bubble”, but since when has that been a factor in any of the localised names? Do you really want to refer as Lakitu as “Jugemu”, huh? I’ll have you know one of my civil rights as a citizen of Wet Dry World is to refer to Mario enemies with whichever official name I please. Like it or leave it!

So this is a post about Podoboo. Do you like Podoboo? I certainly Podo-do! They are perhaps the most generic design you could give to a Mario enemy, a visibly Dangerous Thing with two eyes, but they have always charmed me! It’s the little things, like their distinct shape and the fact their pupils are somewhat wider than most obstacles like this. They bring me comfort in dire times. No matter what happens, I know Podoboo will be there, jumping at a set height in a particular spot of lava! Without them I would be nothing!

So simple is their design, isn’t it weird to think they started off as even simpler? The Podoboos in the first SMB game are completely blind, and with no eyes they may as well not be creatures at all! Of course, I’m very glad they are creatures, and their iconic behaviour was there from the start! They love to jump, of course! There is nothing they would rather be doing!

Awaken! As of Super Mario World, they have been gifted sight and are no longer blind to the sins of this world! Hurray! What do you think they see as they jump up and down? I’m surprised it doesn’t make them dizzy!

You’ll be glad to hear Podoboos have had an expansive career ever since, now with their new trademark eyes! After all, they are THE lava enemy! Anywhere you’ve got that tasty hot fire juice, these guys are soon to follow! Here they are in Super Mario RPG, called Sparkies here because they couldn’t make up their minds on a localized name and probably because they confused them with Li’l Sparkies. In Yoshi’s Story they even called them Spark Spooks! Geez, I’ll even take the name Lava Bubble over this! But doesn’t this render look nice and juicy?

Though any great career has its flops, and I have to say... I am usually the first to campaign for the unique designs from the first three Paper Marios, but I do not really like this Lava Bubble! This takes away from their distinct Mario-y charm and makes them look like a Fire Enemy you could find in any other game! Though in the RPGs they are able to float around without needing any lava, the ones in Super Paper Mario act just like the platformer ones, jumping around despite not looking like they should be doing that! Ok!

The Podoboo from New Super Mario Bros. DS just wasn’t trying very hard at all. Come on! They could’ve it a bit more justice than this!

Ah, there we go! The Podoboos in New Super Mario Bros. Wii decided to finally stop messing about and go back to what everyone loved from them in Super Mario World. I encourage experimenting with your identity, of course, but it’s good to be back, and now they are more mortal than ever! A single shot from an Ice Flower is enough to instantly vaporize a Podoboo in a puff of smoke, which is a bit scary! Are they really just pure fireballs that can be put out just like that? What a frightening life to live!

And in Super Mario Galaxy 2, they... hey, wait!! You took away their eyes again! Now you are just being inconsiderate. This outraged me as a kid! One of my most vivid memories of playing this game with my brother involved chanting “Podoboo rights! They deserve eyes!” because this upset me so much. Maybe my past as an activist is why I am so passionate about Mario enemies these days... I think I was 100 percent correct in hindsight, and now you know some of my backstory, too!

What relief it gave me to find out they were back to their usual selves in 3D Land! And they have been ever since, of course getting redesigned for the modern Paper Mario games and everything.

What’s this? Blue Podoboos! Podo-blues, even...! They show up in 3D World, in its incredibly cool-looking blue lava levels! It’s a well known fact that blue fire is objectively cooler than red fire, and it seems even the Podoboos wanted in on the action! Blue Lava is an actual phenomenon I’ve just learnt, though it’s a sulfuric fire rather than lava. Could it be that Podoboos, being made entirely of lava, adapt to their environment? I’m not sure...

As an aside, the blue Lava Bubbles aren’t to be confused with Lava Bubble (Blue), which are from Mario Galaxy and show up during King Kaliente’s fight! They hop around on the ground and have square-ish eyes, which is enough to make them different I guess!

The Podoboo’s next big appearance, in Super Mario Odyssey, was in Soup! Yes you heard me- Soup! Some delightfully pepto-bismol pink coloured soup, no less. This is why I wasn’t too sure about Podoboo’s being able to adapt to their environment earlier- the Luncheon Kingdom is a big soup volcano after all, but the fact these Lava Bubbles are able to live in it is very interesting!

There is simply no way I would talk about Odyssey here without talking about possibly its greatest achievement, the best game design decision ever made! After decades of begging from fans, they finally did the impossible- they made Podoboo playable! Now it is Podo-you! It is quite unlike the other captures in the game, since it keeps the Podoboo’s simple-looking eyes and simply adds onto it a nose and a mustache! You may very well be the world’s first Podoboo with a sense of smell! I wonder if that is a benefit or not. The constant smell of soup might be a bit overpowering.

Not only is this delightful, but it gives us more insight into the life of the humble Podoboo. First of all is the fact that they can swim around in lava, not just jump in one spot! Do you think they do this when we aren’t looking? I really hope so! Imagine a school of Podoboos swimming through molten lava in a castle’s moat. How delightful!

The Luncheon Kingdom is also home to a number of Lava cannons, marked with a Podoboo’s lovely face. These are cannons for only for Podoboos to launch themselves across the kingdom, from one body of lava to another! My question is whether this was technology made by Podoboos themselves or whether it was made by some generous Podoboo lovers as some lava equivalent to the Fish Tube. I think I would take either explanation!

And last I have a Podoboo appearance that even I, the world’s biggest Podoboo fan, didn’t know about! Paper Mario Color Splash has a Big Lava Bubble boss which speaks with you through a Shy Guy translator! It is quite upset that you barged into its volcano and decided to change the temperature. Mario, of course, kills it anyway, and also the Shy Guy translator without a second thought.

Still, just take a look at this sprite sheet! How cute! A little disappointing that they thinned out the eyes, but wow! They more than make up for it with this range of expressions! An angry Podoboo! A sad Podoboo! And my personal favorite is of course the shocked Podoboo with its assymetrical dot eyes, which might be one of the best things I’ve ever seen.

To be honest, I could talk about Podoboo forever! If you didn’t stop me, I would go on all day about their every appearance, but I kind of had to limit myself to some of the most relevant ones. I just think they’re neat! And cute! And silly! Besides, I’m Mod F Boy, so I’m basically obliged to talk about fireballs with eyes! But for now I must bid you Pod-adieu!

...Not! What, did you really believe me? Well you clicked the Keep Reading button, so you only have yourself to blame for this. Here I am talking about more Lava Bubbles from all over, because Lava Bubble’s career has taken it BEYOND the Mario series! Wow!

Podoboo’s had quite a few appearance in the Zelda series, appearing in Link’s Awakening, both the Oracle games, and even Cadence of Hyrule! Their Zelda wiki page is still called Podoboo instead of Lava Bubble, which means those Zelda fans have it better than we do. But wow, this is a pretty angry looking Podoboo! I wouldn’t mess with them!

Both the Oracle games even had a Podoboo Tower! Amazing! They look quite a lot like a Fire Snake, but they are simply a tower of Podoboos! Why don’t they do this more often?

Hm... The Cadence of Hyrule one doesn’t have any eyes. Come on guys! It’s 2019! Podoboos having eyes should be standard! Though they still made the conscious decision to call them “Podoboos” in 2019, so I can’t be too mad.

And they have even spread to Minecraft! In the Mario Mash-up Pack, they replace the Magma Cube enemies, and really there was no better choice for this. And now we have a Podoboo Cube! What more could possibly be left for Podoboo?

The answer is obvious- Podoboo in real life! Thanks to a certain Lego Mario set, Podoboo is now real and can be in your home for the small price of 19,99 US dollars. Please give a Podoboo a home today! Just make sure you don’t own anything flammable.

#mario #mario enemies #podoboo #lava bubble #mod f boy

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repentantsky · 3 years

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5 Companies That Have Too Much Hype Around Them

Look, we all love our favorite games with a passion, and to an extent that’s fine, but when that passion becomes obsession and that obsession becomes forgetting our own moral compass for the sake of entertainment, it does feel like it’s gone too far. It’s one thing to love what a company releases, it’s completely another to ignore every problem they’ve ever had. Not all of the companies on this list have done horribly un-ethical things, but they’ve at least been anti-consumer, and the fact that people don’t question that enough has led to them sometimes, making horrible mistakes. I am RepentantSky, I love making lists that trash on things that are popular, and these are 5 companies, that have too much hype around them.

5. Nintendo

Already I can hear people getting angry, and in a way I get it. Nintendo is for many people the place where they either begin to play games, or the place they go to keep on playing them when everything else let’s them down, and of course, they put an end to the flipping video game crash of 1983, and no one else will ever be able to claim that from them. That’s all wonderful, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be critical of them. I’ve talked about a number of things they’ve done wrong before, so let me quickly run down the list of some of their anti-consumer practices. They, charge too much for remasters and ports, they don’t drop prices in games, they used to charge for fixing Joy-Cons and now completely deny it’s a problem for legal reasons, despite everyone pretty much having experienced drift, they haven’t been good at getting stock for their items in at least 20 years, and oh yeah, they sell all the content for a remake for $115 on the 3DS, the system and the fans that helped them get by while the Wii U was massively underperforming, all while handing owners of the, at the time, unproven Switch, free content. Nintendo has a tendency to still think like a toy company, and they even used that idea to present the Nintendo Entertainment System as a toy instead of a console when they first game to the West with it, but they aren’t a toy company, their a gaming company that also sells toys, just like everyone else. I get they’ve done amazing things, I own over 150 physical handheld games from them, and a ton of digital games besides, but when they start charging twice what they are worth for SD cards, while releasing games that absolutely won’t fit on the limited space of the Switch, and they simply don’t care when costumers complain, it’s time to at least question their motives.

4. Bethesda

Boy I used to really rip on this company back when I posted lists on Facebook, but I haven’t done it in a while, so let’s do it again. Bethesda has absolutely spent at least the last 10 years lying to people, Todd Howard, has become famous for it, but I think I might have been the only person who wasn’t shocked when Fallout 76 was the disaster that it was. There were so many things wrong with that game, that I don’t even have time to go over every little thing, but lying, you know the thing that will get another company on this list very soon, was a big thing they did with the game. They promised at one point that they weren’t ever going to charge for items in the game that gave in-game benefits, and they did, allowing ammo and other items to be bought with real money for a time, they promised new, specialized servers if you paid for a yearly service that was way too expensive, and that wasn’t true because people found proof of things missing from what would have been a freshly made, private server, and there’s no excuse for that, games in early access do that correctly, and they aren’t, at least supposedly, even finished yet. I wish I could say that’s all they’ve done, but they also bullied an indie developer over their game Prey, a game they may have bullied the original developer for so they could get cheaper, but we’ll never know because they refused to comment on that when asked, they also refused to update their outdated game engine for years, which caused something they spent over a decade fixing, games releasing with glitches, some of them game breaking. Yet somehow, they have such a fan base that those who love their games will claim the glitches are just part of the charm. That kind of fierce loyalty led to Fallout 76, and even though we make jokes about it even now, the horse DLC from way back in the day, was an indication of everything they’ve done, including trying to charge for mods made for free, meant to be consumed for free, twice. Bethesda is a bad company and they do not care.

3. Activision/Blizzard

You know one of the worst things Nintendo does that I didn’t really mention directly in the first entry, is limit the amount of time a product is available, instead of just letting it be there for consumption as long as it’s selling (that was what the toy company reference was about if it wasn’t clear). However, Activision/Blizzard are the Kings of doing this, as they not only limited things while they were in control of Destiny 2 to the point where you pretty much had to use real money to get everything, and never mind everything else they did to it, because we’d be here all day going through it all, but they also don’t support games as a service titles long enough for dedicated fans. Crash Team Racing Nitro fueled, is a prime example of this. People weren’t done with that game, and when fans thought for even a split second that an update was going to come to fix an issue, their hype (mine to) was so explosive, it was almost like we were getting a new game, but then nothing happened, because they didn’t care. A lot of companies that do yearly release titles as a service have this problem and nothing exemplified that more for Activision, than Skylanders, a series originally made off the back of Spyro, who didn’t even wait for a year to release new games, as technically between October 21st and November 20th of the year the first game came out, they released three of them, and I’m not even kidding. Two of them, were mobile games! You might have thought I was going to go after Call of Duty, for this, but that horse has been beaten to ground, somehow, more than Skylanders was. They also, for whatever reason, released each expansion on different generations console generations, at different months throughout Fall, like somehow the season of Fall, they needed a release every month, if not two, and so off they went. I didn’t even get into Blizzard, but all I need to say is “Blitzchung” and all the memories will likely come flooding back. There’s also the fact that in two separate years, after gaining massive profits, they dropped hundreds of employees, and hired more than they’d let go, but I guess that doesn’t really matter to some of you, because when they did it this year, with so little warning, most employees found out via the news articles about it, but we all made such a little stink this time around, it didn’t create any media buzz, so I guess that doesn’t matter, you’d all rather play flipping World of Warcraft, like better MMO’s don’t exist.

2. CD Projekt Red

I know this one comes off a little more fresh in the mind, and they technically only lied about one game, but man, what a series of lies it was. Also, let’s be honest, one major game, does not a great developer always make. CDPR’s previous two Witcher games did exactly what the author of the books thought they would, and that was almost nothing in terms of making a serious impact, and the reason is, they are kind of bad. They aren’t the worst games out there, but there is a good reason why The Witcher 1 and 2 haven’t been ported and/or remastered, despite how important they are to the story of Witcher 3, and that’s because they both suck. Cyperpunk 2077, was in a lot of ways, them just going back to being the developer they were before, the BIG ONE happened. They lied about nearly everything in regards to the game, including how the main platforms where consumers were going to buy it, were actually running well. I made those references to Witcher 1 and 2 for a reason, although if I’m being honest, they actually look better than Cyberpunk did on day 0, and that’s completely unacceptable. The budget for CDPR was basically nothing for Witcher 1 and 2 combined to what Cyberpunk got, but they were so focused on the PC versions because PC ran the game better, somehow (like maybe because they didn’t try with consoles) and they missed glitches that were so bad, the game felt like it was still in beta, if not alpha upon release. The fact that they’ve only released eleven games in twenty-three years, and only two of them didn’t have The Witcher on them, should have told us all we need to know, and yet the game, even after returns, which was another massive screw-job that led to Cyberpunk being removed from the PlayStation store, still sold Sixteen million units, all because of hype, and because apparently, some people don’t care if they’re lied to. Do you want to know what the other game they released is besides a Witcher title? It was flipping Saints Row 2, a fun game, but also one that’s too goofy for it’s own good, and yet suddenly makes Cyberpunk’s release, make sense, because it was all a massive joke, and a parody of good, well running, open world games. CDPR needs to seriously do something, anything different, and never release a game in this poor of a state ever again.

1. Ubisoft

I put Ubisoft at number one for a damn good reason, and that reason is, that everyone seems to hate the company, but loves their games, and I don’t know why. They haven’t been the overall worst company on this list, although they are pretty bad, but the major problem they have, and have had for at least a decade is that none of their games have any identity, they are literally all the same game, with different coats of paint. Sure, an occasional gem sneaks through like Assassin’s Creed IV, but all of the rest of their games have the same visual style (although ACII does seem to be the base for which they create their art let’s be honest), the shooting mechanics they have in all the games that have guns, all feel exactly the same, which is something even Call of Duty manages to avoid most years (guess I took a shot at them anyways) and yet somehow, someway, I keep seeing people getting excited for their releases, and it doesn’t make any sense. Sure, they throw a celebrity actor in from time to time, and the artistic style they use does look pretty cool, but everything is always the same with them, every single time, no matter what it is, and they still keep making money. It doesn’t really make sense either, because a lot of developers do make games that are very similar feeling, see the Life is Strange team or much as well all loved them, Telltale Games, but at least those titles told extremely interesting stories, and developed their mechanics at least a little, which is something most companies do just on principal, but not Ubisoft. They throw out a few Tom Clancy games every time they talk about what their releasing, the Trials and AC games are still mostly a yearly experience, and I’ll say it again, their entire list of releases since at least 2013, the year the previous generation kicked off, have pretty much all been the same. It would be nice if they made more games like Child of Light, but despite the fact that their games will likely never be as popular as Call of Duty, they keep churning out same-y shooters hoping that one day, maybe just one day, they’ll create their own CoD, and it’s just not gonna happen. The saddest part of all is that when they announce something different, something fans have wanted for years, we get The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Remake, which was literally delayed because fans said they wouldn’t buy it unless some actual effort was put into making it, why is this company so popular that it can keep doing this, someone please explain it to me.

And that’s my list, can you think of any other companies that are too hyped? Let me know in the notes below, hit me up with a follow if you like my content, and give me a reblog, I’d really appreciate it. Have a wonderful life!

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darkfeanix · 2 years

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Talking About the Book of Boba Fett

So with the season finale of The Book of Boba Fett now over, I thought I'd take the time to put some of my thoughts down regarding what went down during the season as a whole, what I really liked, and what I wasn't such a fan of.

First and foremost, I'll say that I loved the show overall. I've said it multiple times, but Temuera Morrison made me a fan of Boba Fett. I never cared about the character in Legends, and honestly never understood the appeal. But from his first appearance (well, his first tangible, non-cameo appearance) in season two of The Mandalorian, Temuera Morrison made me care.

Also, don't get me started on how great it was to see Ming-Na Wen on my screen every week again. Glad the Powers That Be realised what a waste it would have been to leave Fennec dead after her first appearance in the first season of The Mandalorian. She was a delight all season long, and provided both a great scene partner and a great foil, in a way, to Boba Fett. Where he was trying to change his ways, she was still thinking like an assassin, and it created a cool dynamic between the two of them.

(I said don't get me started. I'll stop there.)

I'll get my dislikes out of the way first, since they are far fewer, and I prefer to end on a high note rather than a low one. The biggest one, and I think most viewers would agree, was the resolution to the Sand People flashbacks. I kept holding out hope, even all throughout the big fight in the finale, that they would reveal that not all of the tribe who saved him had been wiped out. It was such an awful trope with so many ties to real life atrocities (which, as a white man, I know it is not my place to explain), and while I'm not necessarily surprised that the writers of this show are that tone deaf, it was still a really bad decision that

Also really disappointed that they killed Garsa Fwip. From an in-universe perspective, it makes sense that the Pykes would target the Sanctuary, given what it represents – particularly if Madam Garsa insisted on remaining neutral after the three crime families double-crossed Boba (she may not have been the head of a crime family, but she obviously had considerable wealth and influence). I still don't like it, though. We've had so little, meaningful Twi'lek representation in live action, and Garsa Fwip felt like a step in the right direction.

My only other real complaint, and again, I think most fans would agree, was the visit to Luke's new Jedi school in the penultimate episode. Let me be clear: I loved the episode before that, where we caught up with Din Djarin. I loved that we got to see him trying to rebuild his life post-Grogu, especially him reconnecting with the covert on Glavis, and ultimately being cast out because he'd removed his helmet. That was all great setup for season three of The Mandalorian, and I do not begrudge Din Djarin an episode of this season when The Book of Boba Fett wouldn't even be a thing if The Mandalorian hadn't laid the groundwork. However, I feel like everything that happened in the following episode should have been put off until we returned to Mando full time. The gift for Grogu could have been a hanging thread that they could have picked up in the season three premier.

There are probably a couple of minor gripes here and there, but those are mostly nitpicks and I can't think of any at this time. So without further ado, I shall proceed to the things about the series that I liked. In no specific order, I really liked:

- The characters. Not just Boba and Fennec, and Garsa Fwip, whom I've already gone on record as loving. Black Krrsantan, the Twins, the Mods, Din, Pelli, Cad Bane – I loved them all. I even liked the mayor's majordomo, I thought he was hilarious. And the Sand People! Those flashbacks were worth it just to get all that great Tusken development. From the kid to the chieftain to that badass warrior who singlehandedly cleared out a couple of train cars of Pykes, they were all great!

- The politics. I know, I know, it's basically a running joke at this point that the Star Wars fandom hates politics in its Star War, but I've always been weird like that. I enjoyed it in the prequels, and I enjoyed it in this show. I would have liked to see more of it, to be honest. I realise that, with crime so deeply entwined with the politics, conflict was inevitable, but I would have liked to see more give and take, more compromising and intimidating, before, for instance, the mayor skipped town so the Pykes could jump in to be the Big Bad. I think part of that stems from the way they balanced the flashbacks in the early episodes. I 100% believe those flashbacks were necessary, but they definitely cut into the development of present day Boba. The focus on Grogu in the penultimate episode also contributed to that.

- The rancor! Boba Fett riding a rancor! Danny Trejo guesting as a rancor wrangler (because of course he did).

- The action! Admittedly, it occasionally felt a bit stiff, but for the most part I was thoroughly entertained. One of the highlights of the whole season was definitely Santo attacking Boba while he was in the bacta tank. It was both a smart move on the part of the character, and just an awesome fight overall.

- The final confrontation between Boba Fett and Cad Bane. Honestly, I wish we could have had more between those two, but at the same time, I appreciate the willingness not to pull any punches just for the sake of keeping around a fan-favourite.

And there's probably lots of other little things that I really liked, enjoyed, or even loved, but as with the nitpicks, they're too innocuous to name here. Suffice to say, I really enjoyed the show, and I hope there'll be a second season.

#feanix watches the book of boba fett #feanix reviews #making that tag because even though it's not very formal #i would like to get into the habit of sharing my thoughts on stuff #in this manner

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tog-resources-archive · 3 years

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Thank you fan!anon for sending me such a long, detailed message! Never apologize for writing me an essay since I always seem to be writing essays for other people in return lol. Also sorry it took a while to get to! This required a bit of preparation. You’ve given me a lot to respond to. I’m going to be putting the entirety of the ask under the cut and the tl;dr because this one is very, verrrryyyy long.

Tl;dr- fan!anon talks about the history of top/bottom discourse in TOG and the issues of racism in our fandom. My response: my own feelings on the history of the top/bottom discourse in TOG and the current state of it. General issues I’ve observed in this fandom and the current discourse. Also, we shouldn’t ignore fandom racism, but I don’t think we should be looking at it through the lens of top/bottom, AND I think we should be focusing on misogyny, homophobia, etc. in addition to racism. Not ignore one for the other.

Bottom line though, don’t harrass people, block people if you need to, focus on what you love, support fan creation and let’s try to be a better fandom.

Okay, time to dig in!

Hello fellow fan who has been here since the beginning! I come from the “other side” I suppose, in that I do think the top/bottom discourse is worth talking about. It has to do with the elephant in the room which I haven’t seen anyone touch on – self-identified top!joe fans (in contrast to simply fans who enjoy or prefer content where joe tops). I remember the original top/bottom discourse coming out of a more general conversation about trends in fic (1) wherein Joe was more violent, less empathetic, often not religious, more aggressive in sexual scenarios, and also most often topping. People asked the fandom in general to simply consider, if that is how they perceive Joe, to reflect for themselves about implicit biases that could be colouring that interpretation. The self-identified top!joes used that conversation as a starting point to argue that the above interpretation of Joe, (2) and writing/drawing Nicky as smaller, almost twink-like, demure, more feminine (or writing fic where he was de-aged) was justified by canon (if you recall the multi-day argument about the approximately 1 inch height difference between Marwan and Luca) and connecting those ideas to top!joe just “making more sense” to them. In the hands of a good writer (of which we are blessed to have many in this fandom!), which character tops in an explicit fic is of no consequence to me. (3) But the concept of top!joe has, in my mind, become so closely tied with those fans who, a) interpret these characters and actions in a way that seems influenced by racial stereotypes and tropes and b) use that characterization as “justification” for top!joe. All this when I thought we all agreed that position preference has nothing to do with personality? (4) If someone sees Joe as a very masculine, aggressive, dom-type character (which is a bit of a one-note characterization to start, but I digress), that shouldn’t be related to him being a “top”, correct? Yet that is the interpretation and connection that the top!joes themselves make. So that’s why to me, the top/bottom framework continues to have some value, eve though in an ideal world it wouldn’t: (5) because some fans connect what should be a neutral sexual position preference to an interpretation of Joe’s character, an interpretation which I think doesn’t do him justice. I understand if you don’t want to publish this but I’m hesitant to talk off anon due to how heated this whole conversation is. I also don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel bad about how they are participating in the fandom, but I do think self-reflection in terms of how we engage is valuable. (6) And just to fully reiterate in case it wasn’t clear, my above points are specifically referring to who I think of as “top!joe only” fans as opposed to fans who enjoy or prefer content in which joe tops – only the former of which I am wary of. Anyways, sorry for this long message, and I hope I've been able to explain my reasoning. If we continue to disagree, thanks for reading this anyways and continuing the dialogue. Thank you also for promoting femslash events and content! (7)

So....I did say in a previous post that I’m not a big fan of hearsay, and I’m sorry but… that’s kind of what you’ve given me. A lot of “this is what Top!Joe Only people have said” and “this is what the rest of the fandom has said back.” I have to ask, who are these “Top!Joe Only” people that are on the other side of this fandom war? Who are the people representing the “rest of the fandom”? The only names I could really come up with myself are the Top!Joe Server mods as top!Joe only fans, and they haven’t exactly been active recently. Not to mention the Top!Joe server mod @karanoidandroid was the focus of the Art Theft and Bullying debacle a while back (here) which even if you disagree with her… that’s not the way you treat people. Full stop.

But anyway, to break this down, you’ve said that top!joe only fans wanted to interpret Joe in a way that was “more violent, less empathetic, less religious, more sexually aggressive, and topping (most of the time)” and that Nicky is “smaller, more twink-like, more demure and feminine” and that the hardcore top!joe stans are using this interpretation as a reasoning for liking top!joe explicit fics (and for underage fic?)

Er, honestly, I’ll have to disregard the “less religious” comment in this one. Lucyclairedelune has talked about it very eloquently here. As for the rest, let’s say these opinions were expressed on tumblr in July, just when the fandom was getting started. However, after personally going through all the Explicit July fics, I gotta say, the overwhelming majority of writers are focused on romantic Malta sex vacations lol.

From my personal observations (I started reading fic on ao3 in August), I’ve seen some stories that cater to very… specific tastes (mostly kinkmeme fics so I’m not going to touch that) and some that have…. been written in poor taste perhaps. But, honestly, the majority of fics (aka G, T, M rated) that I’ve seen? I would say that they were written with care and concern for the character’s portrayal.

Now, some fans (usually older fans) are very focused on “your kink is not my kink” and other fans feel this is an inappropriate way to view “racist, homophobic, islamophobic, etc” fics. And I agree with that. If people are using kink to excuse racism, homophobia, islamophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, misogyny, etc, in fics: Fuck that. But I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding flying around when people react to ‘ykinmk”. This fandom likes to assume the worst of their fellow fans imo, and I honestly don’t think that when a person defends kink that they’re trying to defend racism. They’re trying to defend their kink community which, historically, has been attacked and misunderstood by the purity police. Look into the Livejournal, ffnet, and even the Tumblr purges if you don’t believe me.

For the record, I don’t know anyone on tumblr personally. We’re all effectively strangers talking to each other on the internet, so I’m not going to make assumptions about people from stories they’ve posted on AO3 or the kinkmeme. If you want to talk about the issues those fics represent, that’s cool, but don’t harass people whose life stories you don’t know (and don’t vagueblog about them). (This is just a general statement, not saying this about you anon! I feel really strongly about this.)

Now you say, “some fans connect what should be a neutral sexual position preference to an interpretation of Joe’s character” and I hate to say it, but there are ALWAYS going to be some people who have awful opinions. Ones that are either truly terrible, or kind of in poor taste, or maybe you just don’t vibe with them. Personally, I don’t have enough time in the day to address every weird thing that a person spews on the internet. I won’t judge if you want to take them on, but, personally, I haven’t seen any recent militant top!joe only posts that are calling for racist portrayals. I see people referring to past conversations, for sure, but again, I can’t do anything with hearsay.

And honestly, we keep bringing up the top/bottom discourse of early TOG fandom, and we’re just not the same fandom we were then. SO MANY people have left the fandom in that time-- a lot of big name (or simply well known) fans and a lot of MENA fans. Regardless of what “side” you’re on in this, we all lose by focusing on the positions, by dividing everyone by “top” or “bottom” or “switch” fans, and by bringing up what people said in July, or August, or September. It’s exhausting, especially because I think a lot of people have done exactly what you said. Many authors HAVE self-reflected, they’ve thought about trends, the implications, and are contributing/interacting with the fandom as best as they can. Do I think we should stop focusing on self-reflection? That we should stop being careful about writing potentially damaging portrayals of our favorite characters? NO. Let’s keep at it! Let’s encourage others to do the same… but not with top/bottom discourse.

Let it be known that I don’t think racism is a topic we should disregard to focus on other things. Honestly, I would be happy if people gave some of the energy they have for “top/bottom” discourse to talk about the portrayal of Nile Freeman or Lykon or Copley or Quynh… the other POC representation in TOG that usually gets ignored. You may interpret this as me going “but what about??” and that’s fair. I just think that we talk about Joe ALL THE TIME in this fandom. There is an avalanche of conversation and content for this man (who I love, don’t get me wrong) and it just feels really disingenuous (to me) to talk ad nauseum about racist portrayals of Joe, but then to ignore Nile Freeman and wlw fics when Nile is the rare Black Female Action Protagonist and Andy/Quynh is an extremely rare interracial canon lesbian couple. And I’ve been trying to use my blog here to bring attention to this, think of me what you will because of that. (Again just a general statement anon! Not directed to you XD)

And from what I’ve seen in this fandom (and many others to be fair) is that we care about racism SO MUCH…but only when talking about how a man has sex. It speaks of a lack of intersectional understanding of these topics, disregarding the misogyny that IS ALSO inherent in fandom, and disregarding the homophobia of overfocusing on the top/bottom dynamics. BUT I’m not asking you to ignore racism; all I’m asking is for you to focus on the other issues too.

Bottom line though… the discourse is not what it once was. A lot of people, on whatever side, have left the fandom, or have taken a break, or are vocally tired of “top/bottom” discourse. Personally, I think we should talk about racism… but not through the lens of explicit mlm fic sex positions. Let’s talk more about race, gender, sex and sexual orientation, but not in a way that divides the fandom, in a way that makes people sick of being here, in a way that kills our content creator’s passion. Honestly, I think it can be done! But only if we work toward that goal together.

I would like to focus on encouraging events in our community, such as the ongoing Old Guard Big Bang 2021 event and the upcoming Femslash Fortnight Spring Solstice Edition event. If anyone is organizing other events, let me know and I’ll hype you up! But as for the rest, I’m tired, you’re tired, we’re all tired. Let’s try and work harder to be a kinder, more inclusive fandom in the future, for everyone’s sake.

#tumblr is a nightmare #the formatting issues i had with this one...#the old guard #my post #my ask #reply #loooooonnnnng ask and loooooong reply #sorry guys #this will be the last one for a while i think #the old guard discourse #old guard discourse #tog discourse

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a-student-out-of-time · 3 years

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Review Anon’s current policy post Tumblr Screw Up

Firstly, Submissions are working again. Seriously Tumblr, you suck.

And now it’s time to give you guys a current statement and policy. As you know, the Puppetmaster Arc was MEANT to be posted on this site, but because just before I submitted it the Submissions crashed, I was forced to use Google Docs. Now that it’s working again, am I going to submit the Puppetmaster Review again onto this site? And what of The Storm Dissipates Arc as now I’m free to submit them on the blog?

I’ll say this right now, The Puppetmaster Arc Review will NOT be resubmitted onto this blog. The reason should be obvious, it’s about 39 pages long. Not that my Arc Reviews been easy reads to begin with but that Arc Review is in a league of its own. Its staying on Google Docs and that’s fine.

As for The Storm Dissipates, that depends. Obviously, it’s not going to be as big as the Puppetmaster Review and will be more on par what my average review word count is, but I say it’s up to the Mod. Personally, I’m not a fan of submitting it on the Blog as I feel like the sheer word count breaks up the flow of the blog and it could disrupt the enjoyment of the blog. I’ll be happier to post them on Google Docs and send the link, which I can do PROPERLY thanks to Submissions working again. Also, I’ve realised that not only is Google Docs a good place for my Arc Reviews, it’s an EVEN better place than the blog because I can do stuff with Google Docs that is impossible in Tumblr’s restrictions. So not only would it mean that only the people that want to read my reviews can read them, and thus not negatively effect the enjoyment of them.

Speaking of reading my Arc Reviews, I’ve imported all of my previous Arc Reviews plus my Hibiki Analysis to Google Docs and over the course of the next few days, I will be providing links to them. I have mostly left these untouched but I have added a note at the end of each one stating if I left stuff out, if my current opinions on the Arc have changed and anything else I feel like it’s worth mentioning. The Mod did say they are thinking of making an extra tab to go to the Timeline when its finished and links to my Reviews. That way it’s an easy access, dunno what to call it though ‘Fan Content?’ There you could have a link to TV Tropes which has the Timeline AND my Reviews/Analysis there, and any other future fan content that people come up with.

And now updates on my future projects, firstly the obvious one, the second character analysis. I mentioned that after The Storm Dissipates is done, I will be doing my second character analysis. In light of the Mod stating that the Aftermath of the Puppetmaster is gonna be in two Arcs, I have decided to delay the Second Character Analysis until the second Puppetmaster Aftermath Arc is completed and reviewed. The reason being is that the characters I have in mind to analysis are probably gonna get a lot of development in this and the next arc so it be more time for them to develop. Also, another thing, what am I gonna do about my Hibiki Analysis, after all she got a lot of development in the Puppetmaster AND this current Arc. Well, every time we reach a mid-session (not counting this one) point or end a session every character analysis I’ve done will be updated. So, for Hibiki, I’ll update her Analysis when we finish Session 2. And just to be clear; I will be doing a poll on what order of priority you want the three characters to be done in. It’s pretty much confirmed by now that Chiaki is getting her own character analysis (which is a big reason why I’m delaying it, in case she wins) but the other 2 candidates might surprise you, or not. All three will be done, it’s just who to tackle first.

But obviously I need to make it up to you guys about the fact I’ve put off my second character Analysis. So as a way to apologise for delaying the character analysis, my next project after the Arc Review of The Storm Dissipates is A Retrospective of Session 1. After all, now that Timeline Anon has chronologed ALL of Session 1, its high time I give my thoughts on Session 1 as a whole and you guys see what arcs I like, what arcs I DIDN’T like and while obviously not as helpful to the Mod as my Arc Reviews, what I believe can be learnt from it. Because Session 1 is a very big learning experience and there is a big difference between Twilight Syndrome Arc and The Storm Arc.

Speaking of Session 2, when we finish it, I hope we get a big break from the Mod because there’s writing projects and there is writing projects. Because I have not one, not two but THREE writing projects geared up when Session 2 ends. First, obviously the Review of the Arc Finale. Secondly like Session 1, I’ll be doing a Retrospective of Session 2. And thirdly, my personal predictions what I feel is gonna unfold for Session 3. I didn’t do this beforehand because when Session 2 started, I wasn’t sure if I was gonna be a long-time stayer or not, and I had binge read all of the previous Session. But having seen Session 2 unfold live, I might have some ideas. And it’ll be fun to see how wrong I am. And of course, updating my Hibiki Analysis, my second character Analysis and any other Character Analysis I might have written then.

And that’s all I have to say. Ever since the Submissions went belly up because of Tumblr being a functional site, it’s given me a lot of time to reflect on how I’m gonna handle things from now on so here’s to that. See you once this Arc finishes and I do my review on it! – Review Anon

//Yeah, I don’t blame you ^^;

//I really look forward to seeing what you have to say. Really, writing this whole blog has been a learning experience for many people, probably none more than me : P

//As for yours and other fan theories, I imagine that this and the upcoming arc may throw many people for a loop. I’ve seen some predictions that have come close and others that were way off but really interesting to think about ^^

//You guys really are what make this blog what it is. Part of me still wonders what it is you like so much about my work, but given that I have a TV Tropes page devoted to it, you putting out great reviews and nearly 700 followers, I suppose I’m doing something right. Thank you very much for your continual support ^^

#submission #mod talks #review-anon

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jcmoneydick · 3 years

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TharnType SS2 Season Finale and Final Thoughts

Thanya has done more work for TT’s relationship than Tharn ever could. I think Thanya has been learning how to deal with people from Type. Look at her face when Mr. Thiwat starts talking smack. It’s about time someone cracked that old man. Type must have never opened that chat in the first place; it’s been months since they kicked him out. And we love a self aware king. Type knows he’s a dick. It’s nice to see.

I could’ve done without Leo and Fiat. I figured their story was wrapped up enough. Pop off, I guess.

Type seems to mention this grandkid thing a lot. Like more than his dad. It’s refreshing to see Tharn respect Type’s decisions like this. He catches himself, realizes he’s putting himself first, and changes direction for Type. I really wish there was more of this attitude throughout the show. This is a scene that demonstrates how a couple who have been together for 7 years can communicate with little words. They are coexisting in this moment, understanding the other’s needs. You can tell that even though Tharn doesn’t understand this tradition, he is fully supporting Type. I wish this was shown more during the entirety of the show.

I also wish Type’s ordainment as a monk wasn’t just a part of an episode. There’s so many undertones in relationship changes during Type’s monkhood that should have been further elaborated. In my personal opinion. It seems that Tharn learned about himself during this month as well, and I really would’ve appreciated the acknowledgement of that. Imagine if episode 10 was episode 11 and episode 11 showed us Type’s dad learning about Tharn, and teaching Tharn. What if we were able to see Tharn and Mr. Thiwat’s relationship and respect for another grow. At the end of the day, Thanya only showed her face. Mr. Thiwat knows that Tharn is taking care of his son, no matter the racist or homophobic comments that he hides behind. I feel like this was a missed opportunity. (Lost in the film just for Leo and Fiat to have more screentime). This was also a missed opportunity to show international fans more of the beauty of this tradition. The architecture of the temple and the ceremony seem unique and fun and really family oriented, and it kinda felt glossed over. But THAT TIME SKIP/TRANSITION? OF THARN VISITING TYPE? CLEAN! That’s the best editing in the entire show. At me.

Doc and Champ also deserve a little more. Their ending seemed… slapped on. Question: Is Champ a himbo, an airhead, or blind? “Love clearly, makes you blind,” my ass. Their ending wouldn’t be like this if Khunpol took Type’s advice. *shrugs*

I hate the beanie. But I guess it works if Type’s insecure about being bald. When I saw the welcome home scene the first time, I noticed Type touched the butt and I thought it in the nemo voice; It was hilarious to me.

Tharn crying and saying his vows is so Tharn. His dreams are finally coming true and he can plan the cheesiest, most romantic, in your face, gushy, mushy wedding ever. I can’t wait. But I called it. I knew because of the pacing of ep 3, TT’s wedding wasn’t happening in the series. I’ll talk about that at the end.

I love how tight knit the Kiriguns are. I wish this was my family. Tharn’s teasing P’Thorn until the end. (I’ve seen boomsticks in the behind the scenes pics, why is the mic work so shoddy in the entire season?) Tharn did cry though. GIL USED THARN! That’s the funniest thing in the entire season. Tharn’s face reeled them in, disappointment led them to Gil.

P’Arm’s dress is prettier than Bella Swan’s was, and I’m jealous I didn’t do navy for my wedding!! (I guess crying runs in the Kiriguns blood, P’Thorn is up there looking like Tharn. That is a family of hopeless romantics.)

Why did Thanya catch the bouquet? It don’t sit right with me. Isn’t she like 15?

I COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT THIS WAS BEING NARRATED BY TYPE THIS WHOLE TIME. That being said, why he know so much of LeoFiat’s business? Wild.

Do I like this season? Not really.

So, if you were to watch season 2 with zero expectations, I would assume you would have an alright experience. The show is almost typical, fairly easy to follow (although long winded) and the chemistry and acting is top notch. There’s so many variables in the show that would have easily made an excellent show had other variables shown their worth. I had all the expectations. The show was marketed with a TT wedding, a little jealousy and a lot of spice. We didn’t get that. There are some that are fine with this and some that aren’t. I’ll tell you why I’m not cool with this season, or the future special episode.

The TharnType wedding that was advertised, implied, and marketed to happen this season is instead being turned into a cash grab. I understand that the last one was pay to watch as well, but let’s talk about the content of that special episode. Season one’s special episode has nothing in it that is impertinent to the marketed plot. It was simply TT lost in a dream of the first time Tharn met Type’s parents. I’m sure it wasn’t implied that Tharn would meet them anytime soon in the first season. Essentially, you do not need the first special episode to realize that Type’s dad is biased against Tharn. That is made clear by the first two or three episodes of TTSS2. Opposingly, TT’s wedding was promised in the promotions of the second season. Blatantly. It would be different if the proposal was alluded or implied. If the promotion posters didn’t feature TT’s names intertwined with rings. (Take Thonhon Chonlatee for example. An heir wasn’t included in the promotions or alluded to in the series, but what happened happened.) Some people are like “well, the book stopped at blank” not every show follows the book, and some of us haven’t been able to read the book. It hasn’t been officially translated, and some of us wanted to avoid big spoilers and watch it fresh eyed. To me, a special episode is not a continuation of a promise, it is extra content beyond the main plot of the season.

The reason I’m not cool with the season can be inferred from my posts. I wanted a grown relationship. I wanted a grown, healthy, communicative relationship indicative of seven years of mutual maturity. I was excited to watch Tharn and Type deal with obstacles like loving, mature adults, but the show proved juvenile and problematic to me. The title TharnType 2: 7 Years of Love, to me, implies trust, understanding and openness. Maybe even their love being a positive influence for relationships around them. Or like the love bug striking the people around them. I understand not every relationship is not like that irl, but I wanted that representation on film. Some parts of the show delivered this, but in general it fell flat.

The actors, in my opinion, are all very talented and outshine the script, editing, camera work… pretty much all the production. I really hope all the actors featured in season 2 are able to showcase their talents in another series soon.

My rating for season 2: 5/10; the acting’s good, the chemistry’s there, but the story is too long winded for me. There are many other shows this year that have done better. I think Still 2gether being such a good addition to 2gether, skewed my opinion of what a Thai sequel could be. Rather, I should have referred to Together with Me: the Next Chapter for sequel expectations. (I honestly think the Next Chapter was better.) All in all, there isn’t much setting it apart from other Thai dramas; there are plenty that match this that you can just watch something else. Would I rewatch season 2 as a stand alone? Prolly not. I might let it run after watching season 1 while I do my nails and I need background noise. It’s not the worst show I’ve seen this year, but it is far from the best.

I’m gonna catch up with Manner of Death now (I had to put it on the backburner because I couldn’t concentrate on Thonhon, TT AND MoD). I think I’m too late for a “who did it” chart, so I may post a” scene that I laughed at, but shouldn’t have” instead. I have a stupid easy to rouse sense of humor.

Maybe I’ll see you again for KinnPorche, or if you have any suggestions of shows I should watch let me know! (I just finished Cherry Magic, it was so sweet and fluffy.)

#tharntype #type thiwat #tharn kirigun #TharnType 2: 7 Years of Love

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annakie · 4 years

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An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Seven

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Wherein we... talk to the crew. I didn’t quite make it off the ship.

Still, a lot of words.

Aka the nearly All-Gif update.

Didn’t get a chance to play ME at all this week, so I’m going to spend a few hours this weekend (double-checking to make sure screenshotting works :p) and have some real updates later.

So making it back to the ship from Therum, it’s time to talk to the crew. I maybe could have gone and talked to them after getting on the ship after the Citadel, but they don’t really have any unique lines then so, I usually wait til now to go chat.

First, let’s talk to Liara.

The thing that sucks about talking to Liara (or Kaidan, or Ashley, if you don’t want to romance them) is, you know, the accidental romance. Making “picking the Paragon-place choices = romance by default with NO WARNING” design was very Not Good. They fixed this in later games, well moreso in Dragon Age games than ME, (and Andromeda is done very well for this) but still. In ME3, the BackOff mod does a great job of making romance dialog more obvious and intentional.

Liara’s dialog choices I feel like are even LESS obviously flirting I feel like than Ash and Kaidan’s. Honestly with Liara’s most of the lines can be read and even said aloud as friendship then BOOM, all of a sudden she wants a threesome. I choose middle dialog options whenever possible with Liara just to avoid this. I’m not interested, never have been, don’t want Kaidan to think he has any competition. But seriously, it’s poor game design here that you literally have to be a jerk to a companion at some points to avoid having them think you want to bang. God, half of the reason I’d love a remaster would be to hopefully fix shit like this to avoid some of the pitfalls.

I hate that some people use this as a reason to dislike these characters more. And I’ll admit, in my early days as a ME fan, I held it against Liara, too, until I realized how dumb that is. I especially hate it when you get to the “confrontation scene” and people use Kaidan not wanting to be in a threesome as a reason to dislike him more? It’s not a bad thing to want to be monogamous? (And of course, it’s not a bad thing to NOT want to be, assuming everyone is open and OK about it.)

I just prefer to not get that scene at all now, and to avoid “leading anyone on” accidentally etc. My Shepard knows early on what she wants, and sticks with him all the way through.

I was going to talk more here about my feelings about Liara in general but uh, I guess I’ll do that later. This is already really long.

Here’s a great post about how to avoid romancing Kaidan while being rude as little as possible to him.

Well since he’s right outside the medbay anyway, let’s go talk to the LT.

Have I mentioned how much I hate the orange glow?

So anyway, I thought maybe I’d talk here a little bit about Why Kaidan?

I will point out here that I am mostly a hetero woman, so my choices in video game romances lean towards men first, though I’m also very cool with doing non-m/f romances in games, and often do on subsequent playthroughs of games I love, but that’s almost never gonna be my primary romance.

I’d already mentioned my love for Carth Onasi, one of the most hated companions in video games, If You’re A Guy.

By today’s standards, even the Carth romance isn’t that great. But at the time, it was the greatest romance I’d experienced in video games. There were a few others that were really good -- Valen Shadowbreath in Neverwinter Nights: Horde of the Underdark was the other really great one, but we also got nightmare fuel like Anomen in Baldur’s Gate (though that gets better with mods + the final BG expansion) or just under-written characters or romances like Casavir in NWN2 (who was much better with mods) or hell, either of your choices in KotOR2 imho. But I used to play KotOR over and over for many reasons, such as holy shit a Star Wars game(!!) and one where you can actually be a female main character AND has that great Bioware storytelling... but a big reason was Carth.

A funny thing about Carth Onasi... if you play a male main character, you have a very different experience with Carth than if you play a woman. And even I can agree that hoo boy Carth gets tiresome quick if you play a male, as a female you at least get to flirt and that calms him down and evens him out a lot. But the one time I tried playing as a male, I didn’t make it off Taris because.. yeouch I could actually see what the guys playing were so mad about.

But hey, that voice. Raphael Sbarge, I love that voice. So like I said early on in these posts, I immediately knew I was going to romance Kaidan the very second I confirmed he was romancable, before I even ran back into the ship and met anyone on the crew aside from Joker and Kaidan.

And... that only got confirmed more and more as I went through ME for the first time. The character is smart, and capable, and respected you, and never questioned your command, but made his feelings pretty clear along the way. He could be a little doofy but in an adorable way with some of the things he said, honestly there was almost never anything I didn’t love about this character.

I realized some time ago that I have a thing for the Paladin archetype personally.

This is Casavir, from Neverwinter Nights 2, and in NWN2, there are two romance options for women. An under-written Lawful Good Paladin in his late 30′s who is willing to buck his superiors to do what he thinks is right but also places you on a pedestal and holds back all his emotions. He’s a romance option. Or....

Bishop, a chaotic evil ranger who insults you a lot, threatens to rape an NPC under your protection, and ultimately betrays you.

Most people who played NWN2 seemed to prefer the CE Ranger. I loved the paladin so much I wrote fix-it fic that I never have gotten around to publishing anywhere to retcon his terrible dumb ending.

There’s a fan-made romance mod that helps with the romances in this game, though I dislike a lot of what they did, ultimately I always use it.

In Dragon Age?

Ah yeah, the Templar-Warden. Love him. He does have that “Oh I’m so young and experienced tee-hee” thing going on that isn’t my favorite, (at this point mostly because I’m actually in my mid-40′s so uh, I’m just Old) but otherwise, yeah, love Alistair.

Dragon Age 2, I mean I usually romance Anders but... I’m not real excited about either him or Fenris, or even either of the ladies, though I have done Isabella’s romance (as well as Fenris’) and enjoyed it. I’d probably romance Avaline (or Varric!), if she were an option. But yeah, Anders mostly because he IS trying to do what’s right, even if he... well. You know.

But Dragon Age Inquisition?

Give me that Blackwall-angst. That stoic guy trying to be a Warden who comes undone for you. You’d think I’d go for Cullen, but hey this game gave us two paladin archetypes, though one is merely pretending, he still atones and becomes what he was trying to be, one way or another, if you let him. I picked this paladin archtype first because I did not like Cullen based on interactions with him in DA1 & 2. I like him well enough in DA:I but Blackwall is my guy here.

Out of all the many, many companions in SWTOR, who’s my fave?

If Aric Jorgan isn’t a Paladin-type I don’t know who is, especially since any romanceable Jedi are uh, all your female padawans (don’t get me started) until Lana (also female) comes along.

Hell, in a very long-running 4e D&D game I played from around 2009 to 2014 where my character fell in love with our party leader’s son, married him and fought the final boss 4 months pregnant with our twins. That character’s husband... was a paladin. I mean look at this art my friend picked out for his character’s son:

I mean dang, who (of those who are attracted to men of this type) wouldn’t?

I always pick the Paladin. The guy who is gonna Do What’s Right no matter what it costs him, the guy who’s gonna be loyal, the guy who may bottle up his emotions or keep them under control all the time but ultimately does what it takes to get the girl... that’s my fave. And that’s Kaidan.

I will also say my second fave archetype is rogue-with-a-heart-of-gold, and that’s more of a Garrus or Varric (if only he were a choice!!! :( ) type.. aka my second choice in these games.

Well that was a lot more words on that subject than I meant to do, so I’m going to just say real quick here that what I love about this first conversation with Kaidan is that he’s already no dummy, he knows something is up, and warns you about it.

We’ll save talk about his backstory for another day.

Let’s head downstairs.

Yay for sped-up elevators! What used to take like 20 seconds now takes like, four.

URDNOT WREX.

This another place where Shepard starts out just sticking their foot in their mouths completely. I feel like this is something the game definitely has problems with here. Shepard should know a lot more about the Genophage, like they should have about say, Spectres, even if the player doesn’t. So basically every response you can give to Wrex about the genophage and what his people are going through sounds really insensitive. Comparing the relatively minor First Contact War with the entire galaxy more or less uniting to keep the Krogan from taking over after the Rachni war seems pretty dumb, and also like something Shepard should already know.

Loredumping on the Krogans a bunch with Wrex is necessary, but I think it could have been done better. Though I think there are a lot of questions about the Krogan and the Genophage that ultimately are important but go unanswered. I’m going to be honest, because generally I want my companions to be happy and ultimately I want the happiest ending I can get, I usually cure the genophage and leave Wrex in charge. But also I don’t think that ends up with the happiest ending for the galaxy. Everything about the genophage is terrible, how it works, how it was administered, what it’s done to the Krogan as a people, but let’s be honest, the galaxy will also be in huge trouble just from a resources perspective if each krogan woman can have hundreds (or even just dozens) of babies a year, who are gonna all live a thousand years. There’s got to be a compromise that, eventually, hopefully Wrex works out if he’s alive at the end of ME3 or the council figures out with Wreav or whoever.

It is kinda funny though that here, I basically met Wrex at C-Sec, told him I’d help him with Fist, sent him to my ship, and basically just kidnapped him to go help with the rest of the mission. He wanted to be here, right? I can only assume I’m paying him a lot.

Ashley!

I do love Ashley Williams.

I’m not going to turn this into a “Is Ashley Racist” thinkpiece. I’ve read a lot of both sides of this argument and no, I don’t think she is. Some pieces of her attitude do need to be kicked up a bit, for sure. She’s got about the same issues with aliens as most of the species of the galaxy have with each other, which sometimes isn’t great, but she’s far from supporting Terra Firma.

She’s smart, she’s funny, a hell of a shot, she’s being held back due to her family name. I would love for if someday a Wilshenko OT3 were possible. I’d do that in an instant. I despise the fact that you can only keep Kaidan forever if you lose Ashley forever, though I don’t see that changing even in a remaster. Please Bioware, for the super ultra remaster?

I know I need to do another run through the game with Ashley alive. I don’t remember too much of what happens in ME3 when she’s there.

I also love that her story is so much one of family. From her stories of her sisters, to the point that it’s her own grandfather’s legacy that’s holding her back. She’s so grounded, she reminds us that there are civilians out there we’re keeping safe, a whole world we rarely see, up in space and in the middle of so much military conflict.

GARRUS.

First of all, whew Garrus looks amazing in the lighting and with the textures with ALOT/MEUITM. Very handsome.

Interestingly, Garrus does not really loredump on the turians. We absorb a lot of what we find out about the turians more naturally. Garrus is more all about C-Sec and the general politics of the Council, of Spectres, of C-Sec. Gonna be honest, I expected C-sec to play into the game as a whole a lot more than it did based on Garrus’ talks about it. I mean it was always there, but Bailey ends up being the face of C-Sec

Garrus’ Law vs. I Do What I Want attitude is a nice way to do a non-goody-two-shoes companion story without having to go evil. I love that Garrus’ story kinda mirrors our own as players, how are we going to get things done? Shove a blaster in people’s faces, accept collateral damage, and do whatever it takes to get it done? OR play by the rules, compromise, and see if that fixes things.

The thing is though, Mass Effect actually is great at giving us the illusion of choice without making a huge difference in the end. Like I mentioned before... not bringing Garrus to ME1 makes little difference in how he acts in ME2 outside of a few lines of dialog. Lots of things are like that, like pick Ash or Kaidan on Virmire, and yes one is always gone, but 80% of the content is basically the same from there on out for either character.

There are games out now that do that choice better. Pathfinder: Kingmaker is one I can think of. Or Tyranny. Things you choose can alter the endings of those games drastically, locking entire paths out of the game.

I used to think that was what I wanted. Until I played Kingmaker and locked myself out of things I really wanted without realizing it. I stopped playing the game, sad that my LI dumped me and wouldn’t come back without reloading many, many hours worth of game. Despite enjoying the game overall, I still haven’t gone back. When I do play again, I’ll probably keep a lot of tabs open of walkthroughs and tips on how to keep things going how I want. Kind of defeating the purpose of the game.

Anyway, I got super off track again. The point is, Garrus is the companion that gives us the most Choice in who he is. Which is cool. He illustrates our Paragon vs Renegade dilemma. And it’s neat that it does make changes in some of the things he says in the future, but overall, his story doesn’t change much no matter what you do (Unless you, ya know, get him killed in ME2).

And therein lies a problem with Mass Effect, and video games as a whole. It’s neat to see the little changes, but it’s rare for anything to be an actual Big Change, because... that’s a loooot of work for a developer and how much more money is all that going to cost him.

At some point in the future I’ll point out how lucky we are for what we did get, though.

Heeeey it’s Chief Engineer Greg Adams! I wonder how many people don’t even know he has a first name? Anyway, thank you for your one short conversation in which you explain how the Normandy works (honestly, great job with explaining this, Bioware, even if the science is ???) and like three sentences on who you are. Wasted opportunity to give you an actual character. Glad you like Tali, though! See you in ME3.

TALI!

Okay, I will totally accept that Shepard doesn’t know much past the basics of quarian society. That makes a lot more sense than Shepards not knowing much about asari.

The quarians are so much more of an original creation I feel like than a lot of what we’ve seen in the galaxy so far. Krogan? Basically Klingons. Turians? Space Romans. Asari? Twilek/Space Elves but ALL Hot Ladies. Qarians feel like something new though.

I mean, I guess before they had to live in suits they were pretty normal, but their entire culture doesn’t feel like something we’ve seen everyplace before. I mean I’ve seen space (g-slur) but, eh not really.

And Tali herself is such a good character. I mean, she does suffer a little from being Very Important with her father being one of five admirals in a population of six million people but, I’ll allow it. Nobody else on the crew has Very Important Parents. I mean Garrus’ father is a little high up in the ranks but that’s a non-factor, Ash’s grandfather was but he’s dead and never seen, Wrex’s father is a chieftan but none of those is central to their current story or as big as this one. I mean, Spacer Shep’s own mother is a captain of a ship. Tali herself in-game isn’t that sexualized -- most of that was the fandom’s doing. She’s young but also confident and has her shit together.

She shoulda been a same-sex romance in ME2/3 though, damnit!

Joker. Is. Amazing. And uh, also shoulda been a romance option.

Hey first of all, how great was it that they put in disabled representation in this game. I have read a few posts on how it could have been better, and definitely agree, but it’s also been so important to have say, Geordi LaForge as chief engineer of the Enterprise and also Joker here, in space, being awesome on spaceships. And he really earns his the right to his bravado in calling himself the best pilot in the galaxy.

Also? Casting Seth Green was such a great choice. I couldn’t imagine Joker as anyone else. I mean this is Bioware so we expect, and definitely got, great voice acting (except for... ugh you know, we’ll get there in ME3) but honestly Seth Green was a particularly good choice. I don’t care that he’s covered with sixteen layers of plot armor, he deserves it.

He’s the companion that we don’t ever get to take in the squad. (I mean, except for that brief amazing moment in ME2)

I only wish in ME1 he had as much to say as in ME2/3. At least he gets cool snarky lines after all the major missions.

One last thing before we get off the ship for awhile, I love that the crew is actually comprised of both men AND women in ME1. With different hairstyles and faces, and even skin tones. It’s nice to see they didn’t just reuse the same guy over and over for the nameless NPCs.

Well, I guess they get names in ME2. :v

Anyway, I would like to point out, that there are seventeen nameless NPCs on the Normandy.

Then there’s Adams, Tali, Garrus, Wrex, Ashley, Kaidan, Chakwas, Liara, Pressley, and Joker.

That’s twenty-seven people and eight sleep pods. Let’s remove the aliens, who couldn’t fit in a sleep pod (Garrus and Wrex), twenty-five people. Are there people sleeping in the sleep pods now? There must be, right? Everyone can’t be awake when we’re on the ship just because we’re there? How does that math add up? Who is sleeping where, HOW DOES IT WORK!?

Well, that’s their problem. I got my own bed. Kaidan can share.

Also just... don’t get me started on how stupid this is. I mean it’s nice having a shop on the ship but... the justification is terrible. We all know it. He was counted as one of the 17 nameless, btw.

Okay well, I was going to get off the ship this update but this is already stupid long and honestly I don’t have too much more content to post so, I’m gonna go actually play this game!

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #garrus vakarian #urdnot wrex #liara t'soni #tali'zorah #ashley williams #jeff joker moreau #joker #annakie's mass effect stuff

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phoenix-downer · 5 years

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Hello! I haven't played KH III yet but I plan to. I have come across some really hateful posts on tumblr and even twitter about Sora and Kairi being together. It appears some people are really upset that Sora and Riku didn't become a thing and have downplayed Sora x Kairi's relationship as something as forced and not having chemistry. I had no idea this was even a thing. Can you tell me where this hostility came from? I thought it was obvious that they had feelings for each other.

Hello! Thanks for the ask! There’s a lot to examine here, but I’ll do my best to try to tackle the whole issue with tact and empathy. Light/very vague spoilers for K/H/3, E/ndgame, and F/M/A follow (with slashes so they hopefully don’t show up in the tags).

First of all, I’m so sorry you’ve stumbled across those kinds of tweets and posts. If I could, I’d shield everyone from having to deal with such hatred and negativity about something they enjoy. Doesn’t matter what you ship; no one deserves to deal with that level of toxicity.

Imagine going into a room and hearing people talk loudly about something you love, talk about how much they hate it and how much it sucks. Doesn’t make you feel very welcome, does it? But that’s exactly what’s happening here - you’re not the only one who’s noticed this. I have had to block or mute so many people because of the kind of bashing you describe. People purposely tagging their hate so that fans can see it, saying nasty things and picking fights in a way that makes you wonder what they get out of being so cruel and vicious.

I’ve seen it so much that I’m extra sensitive to it now too; I block much more quickly than I did in the past. And I would advise other people to do the same. You don’t owe anyone access to your social media. They’re not entitled to your time or energy, either. You don’t owe it to them to read their hate. By blocking them, you take away part of their audience, you take away their attention. And the thing is, they want that attention. They want to make other people angry and miserable because they’re angry and miserable. And you don’t have to give them the satisfaction.

Sadly, because twitter and tumblr have such poor moderation, no one running these sites is doing much to stop these people. In fact, the platforms even encourage that kind of behavior, because the loudest people get the most attention. So that encourages and emboldens the kind of nasty behavior you’re seeing.

Now, this is not to say there is never room for criticism, because there is, but that is a very different thing from what you’re describing, which is plain old bashing. Criticism and critique are offered in the hope that something will improve; bashing is done to express pure vitriol, and it isn’t productive for anyone. It might feel good in the moment, but in the end it just leaves people bitter and empty.

There are plenty of people critiquing K/H and how the games went and how the various character arcs unfolded and how the relationships developed, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Shutting down all criticism isn’t healthy; it should be allowed and encouraged, as constructive criticism leads to healthy dialogue, both with other fans and with S/quare E/nix. And Square has listened to fans in the past; they’ve fixed issues with gameplay that occurred when 1.5 and 2.5 were ported to the PS4 and converted to 60 fps, for example.

Neither is there anything wrong with venting to a close friend in a private setting - DMs, PMs, on your personal blog or twitter account with the ship you’re criticizing censored somehow so that everyone who likes it doesn’t have to stumble across your venting. Heaven knows I’ve had to vent a lot to stay in the fandom without lashing out. The issue is when someone thinks it’s okay to force their anger and negativity onto other people who don’t want to see it or hear it.

So the question is, why are we stumbling across such strong feelings? Because it’s clear people feel pretty strongly about all this.

I don’t think there’s an easy answer as to why this is happening, but I’ll take a shot at explaining what might’ve happened all the same. I’m sure if you asked someone else, they might give you a different answer, and it’s worth getting multiple perspectives. This is just my two cents, and naturally, it’s going to be biased towards my experiences and preferences.

The shipwars in the K/ingdom H/earts fandom have been nasty for years. From what I can gather, they got really bad when KH2 was released, though I’m sure there was probably drama before then. S*kai fans and S*riku fans did not see eye to eye on how that game went, and it’s all been downhill ever since. People on both sides have been mean and nasty, I’ve seen them be nasty, hurling insults and slurs and accusing each other of awful things to the point that the question of “who started it” is pretty much moot at this point. A more productive question would be, “how can we end it and get along, or at least start treating each other better?”

Now, since I ship S*kai (obviously), I’ll share why this is such a touchy subject for me personally. I’ve been in fandom for a while now, and something I’ve noticed is just how much fans tend to hate female characters because of sexism and internalized misogyny.

I was in the M/C/U fandom before this, and Sh*ron’s actress got death threats around the time C/ivil W/ar came out from angry shippers. And then P*ggy’s actress has likewise been harassed after E/ndgame came out by, again, angry shippers. I was a big F/M/A fan back in the day, and W*nry got so much hate from, you guessed it, angry shippers. I remember a friend back then rolling her eyes and bashing W*nry, and when I asked her why she hated her, she couldn’t really give me a clear answer other than that she was “whiny.”

Heaven forbid a female character not be completely perfect.

Over and over, I saw this pattern repeating. A female character gets hate because there is a popular alternate pairing that she “gets in the way of.” Even before I had the vocabulary to talk about it, the hatred just struck me as very gendered. I never saw that level of hatred for any of the male characters unless they were written to be hated (hello Shou T*cker). And I was likewise harsher on female characters than on their male counterparts. It took me years to realize what I was doing and to try to put a stop to it.

So then I came to the K/ingdom H/earts fandom with all that background and baggage, dealing with years of people hating characters I liked and looked up to and identified with, and I saw the same thing happening again. Yet another female character getting nasty hate because of her gender, because she dared to like a boy who was shipped with another boy. Because she dared to fall in love. How dare she have feelings, how dare she be feminine, how dare she wear pink and have a flowery Keyblade. How dare her strength of heart be stronger than her physical strength. There is only one kind of strength that matters, and it’s how hard you can kick someone’s ass (wrong, wrong, wrong, and one look at the whole power of friendship thing this series revolves around would tell you that).

How dare K*iri not be an instant expert at fighting, which is cruel and ironic because if she was an instant expert at fighting, everyone would be crying Mary Sue. How dare she sass and tease S*ra, she’s such a bitch. Oh, she doesn’t tease him as much in K/H/3 and is more gentle and supportive because he’s going through hell and nearly loses everything and she knows he needs her support now more than ever? She’s a complete pushover!

See what I mean by how hard people are on female characters? K*iri can’t win no matter what she does. She could have the best character arc ever post K/H/3 and people would still find something to complain about. That’s not to say I don’t have issues with how she’s written, I just think the criticisms against her tend to be way overblown. There aren’t enough discussions about how she could improve moving forward (though I have seen them, and thank you to those of you who do have them!), instead people just write her off completely as useless and worthless and want to improve her character by… dropping her out of the story completely (and yes, I’ve run into someone who actually thought this would be a good thing and always felt the need to talk about it, and it absolutely drove me up the wall).

And worst of all, she can’t win because S*ra fell in love with her. Really, it’s ironic that she gets as much hate as she does for something S*ra did. She had no control over S*ra falling in love with her, and yet she is absolutely despised by people because he did. She isn’t “good enough” for him apparently, whatever that’s supposed to mean.

I share all this to explain why I was so sensitive to the issue coming in. I saw the same thing happening I’d experienced time and again and I was so exhausted. So tired of it. I didn’t want to deal with it again, and I was on my guard right from the start. Especially because it’s so normalized in online KH communities to bash K*iri and S*kai. The major ones, too, with lots of people and a wide range of (or lack thereof) of shipping preferences, not just dedicated shipping groups. Try to go an entire discussion without seeing it come up… it’s a lot harder than you might think.

At first I tried to be patient and understanding. Other people have different tastes, and I wanted to be understanding of that. But after years of watching the bashing happen, my patience ran thin. I was sick of seeing it enabled in major K/H communities, sick of seeing mods refuse to put a stop to it, or worse, low-key join in with the bashing, sick of having to put up with so much negativity when all I wanted was somewhere to discuss something I enjoyed. Some people seemed almost gleeful, almost eager in their bashing; any time K*iri was brought up, they felt compelled to express their hatred for her. They were more obsessed with her than her actual fans were; felt more passionately (albeit negatively) about S*kai than some actual S*kai shippers did.

When I reached that point, the point where I was tempted to be negative and snappy and rude, I knew I couldn’t engage with certain people anymore. So I stopped trying. I searched for S*kai fans here on tumblr and stuck with them. I didn’t want to add to an already tense situation, and thankfully, there are other people who feel the same way (but more on that later).

And on the S*riku side of things, some of them have shared that they have been told nasty homophobic things for shipping S*riku. And for many of them, I’m sure S*riku is a way of expressing their identity, a way of exploring their feelings and expressing them in a safe, welcoming way with fellow fans who get what they’re going through. Representation has gotten better in recent years (though it still has a long way to go), but back when the K/H games were first coming out, things were different, and people had to take what they could get from canon and run with it if they wanted to see more content that represented them.

I’ve also seen a few people say that certain S*kai fans went out of their way to message them and rub what happened in K/H/3 in their faces. That kind of gloating is bound to upset anyone, yikes. Canon has become the new gold standard for shipping in the last decade or so, and it has sadly been weaponized in the ever-nastier ship wars, when really, a ship’s value shouldn’t be based on how “canon” it is but on the joy it brings to people.

So yeah, we have a situation where enough people on both sides were treating others poorly that everyone got defensive, because how could you not when people keep attacking something you love, especially if you feel strongly about it/associate it with your identity? And that made people more likely to lash out, and when they did, people got even more defensive, and the cycle repeated, over and over and over again.

And you know how I mentioned I sought refuge with likeminded fans? I think that happened all over the fandom. People seek out those who will support them and support their beliefs and form identities and communities based around them… and that’s a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, it’s great to get so much support, especially if you’re seeking refuge from a particularly nasty ship war. Having a safe place to vent and unwind and finally get to talk about what you love without fear of getting hate over it is awesome.

On the other hand, things like echo chambers, confirmation bias, groupthink, and the false consensus effect flourish in those kinds of situations. If all you hear is that XYZ pairing must be canon or will be canon in a future game from the group of people you’ve surrounded yourself with, and everyone enthusiastically agrees because everyone ships the same thing you do and of course no one is going to rain on that parade, it can come as quite a shock when a new piece of canon comes out and doesn’t align to your expectations. Especially if you’ve spent years expecting canon to align with your expectations.

We lose something when we can’t engage in healthy dialogue with people who disagree with us. Our perceptions get warped, our memories might even get warped, and what we could’ve sworn was canon… we might be surprised to see wasn’t, when we revisit the source material with a more critical eye or listen to someone who sees things differently than we do.

But how can we have that healthy dialogue when there’s been so much bad blood? How can we listen to each other when there’s no trust? It’s nearly impossible, so instead we reinforce the beliefs and ideas our own communities already hold fast to, and the cycle continues. We draw lines in the sand separating “us” vs. “them” and don’t give each other a chance. Not only does this alienate people on opposite ends of the shipping spectrum, it also alienates multishippers because they’re considered “traitors” to both sides, and that is an uncomfortable place to be.

I think that’s why you find the whole thing so jarring. I’m guessing you might not be as heavily involved with the fandom as I am, and have thus been largely immune from the perils of echo chambers and confirmation bias. So for you it must seem really weird that something that seems clear to you is so contentious to other people. I don’t say this to throw shade at anyone, because I know the same thing would’ve happened if the pairings had gotten switched around. It’s more of an observation of a phenomenon I’ve seen happen over and over again throughout the years.

So all of that is to say, things are tense because of all these backgrounds and experiences and histories people bring into the fandom. No one exists in a vacuum, and things were already tense before K/H/3 even came out. K/ingdom H/earts has been such an important part of many people’s lives and growing up experiences that they feel a deep connection to it and almost a sense of ownership of it. It’s a shared story, a shared experience. It belongs to all of us, in a way, and yet it’s still N*mura’s baby.

And that’s where we run into more issues. How much say should fans have in a work of art? Does the creator get the final say in interpretation, or should she accept that once her creation has been released into the world, it’s up to other people to interpret what she meant? There are no easy answers to these kinds of questions, and they’re widely debated and discussed (see: the whole death of the author debacle).

However, while I think feeling a sense of ownership and investment in a piece of art is totally fine, it crosses the line when it gets into the realm of entitlement. By this I do not mean asking for more representation, because that is a perfectly good thing to ask for; I mean demanding that the creators cater to your whims… or else. I mean contacting people who worked on the game on twitter and demanding they change the story to make it “right.” I mean directly telling one of the VAs you want her replaced because you thought she did a bad job. And yes, I am talking about actual stuff I’ve seen happen in this very fandom. All of that has also left me with a bad taste in my mouth, and other people I’ve talked to have felt the same.

That being said, shipping in and of itself is not the problem. For every nasty tweet and bashing post out there, there are plenty of kind and good people who are just there to enjoy their ships. Lovely artists and talented writers and skilled gif makers and editors creating a wealth of beautiful content for something they love. People who would never harass others for their shipping preferences and are disgusted by those who do. Unfortunately, they’re not the ones getting the attention, and they’re probably not the ones you’re going to run into if you ship a different ship, as they tend to stick to their own spaces out of courtesy and respect.

This means that the people you are more likely to run into are the ones who want to pick fights. The ones who bash and stir up drama and tell people to kill themselves for shipping XYZ. While there are plenty of people being cruel and nasty and toxic, there are good people in the fandom too. Kind, caring people who will see you as a person first and not an XYZ, even if they don’t agree with you on everything. They’re quiet(er), because kindness isn’t usually flashy and showy, but they’re here. You just have to know how to find them.

Thanks for the ask! I tried to answer this as fairly as I could, based on my observations and things I’ve been stewing over for a while now, so I hope it sheds more light on the situation.

#answer #kagome1991 #long post #i don't usually participate in the discourseTM but these thoughts have been on my mind for a while and I wanted to get them written out #kh discourse #kh3 spoilers #fma spoilers #endgame spoilers #no super heavy spoilers or anything I'm just tagging them to be safe

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hawksonfire · 4 years

Text

2019: Year In Review

Seeing as how this is the first year that I’ve really written a lot (or anything at all), I thought I’d try out this ‘year in review’ thing.

This year was the first year (ever) that I’d really put my words out into the world. I was honestly terrified to post my first work on Ao3 - what if no one liked it? What if I got hate for it? And worst of all, what if it was terrible?

I’m glad to say that none of that even came close to happening. I’m so lucky to have fumbled my way into the Marvel fandom, specifically the Winterhawk portion of it, because it’s just such a welcoming place. Everyone I’ve met has been so welcoming and uplifting, and I can honestly say that there are a few people (everyone) that come to mind who I hope will be with me for years to come.

Back to fic - At the beginning of this year, I had one fic on Ao3 - a 2018 Kinktober fic. At this very moment, I have 100+ fics with over 380k words between them. I’ve written fic for people, gotten fic from people, and posted stuff just for the hell of it. 2019 was a good year for my wording progress, and I can only hope that 2020 beats it.

Accomplishments under the cut! :)

Stats

Word Count: 380,035

Fic Count: 130

Fics

Captain Cockblock - a Winterhawk fic in which Steve is constantly cockblocking Bucky and Clint. It was the very first thing I posted in 2019, and I can genuinely say that I was terrified.

Revenge Against Captain Cockblock - the sequel to Captain Cockblock, in which Clint and Bucky (and Sam) get revenge on Steve for the way he kept cockblocking them. First sequel!! I was excited about this one.

Aggressively Progressive - a Stucky fic where Steve tells the press (and other assorted people) exactly what he thinks about the not vaccinating your children (among other things).

How It Should Have Gone - This fic. God, this fic. This was really the first multi-chapter long fic that I had attempted, and I had no idea how it was going to be accepted. It’s set before, during, and after the first Avengers, and in it, Steve attends university, falls in love with Clint and Natasha, and saves the world. It’s canon-adjacent, and I swear this is probably the fic I am most proud of to date.

Steve Rogers: Unapologetic Slut - A 5+1 fic I did as part of the BDBD slutty!Steve challenge. It was definitely a ton of fun to write and as a bonus, it introduced me to the 5+1 trope which I can now say is a favourite of mine.

there is a house in new orleans (they call the rising sun) - A birthday fic for the amazing @kangofu-cb (even though it was late) because she deserves all the nice things, dammit.

i need something to believe in (throw my hands up to the ceiling) - I realized one day, that my best bro @flowerparrish has literally written so much fic for me (check out zir Ameriwinterhawk series, aka, the ‘pornathon verse’ and this Amerihawk sex pollen fic) and yet, somehow, I had not written zir a single thing? This could not stand. So I made my amazing friend choose a whole bunch of prompts from a list, then slammed together a bunch of them into one 68-chapter long fic to be updated as needed.

Events

MCU Kink Bingo Round 3 - Somehow, I am unsurprised that the very first event I joined this year was a kink bingo. A series of 16 works of various ships and kinks.

Clint Barton Bingo - Clint has always been one of my favourite Marvel characters, so as soon as I saw that this bingo was accepting sign-ups, I had to do it. And I did! It resulted in 19 works from the first round (and more to come from the second round) with Clint being paired with various Marvel characters (but mostly Bucky).

Mandatory Fun Day - At this point in the year, I was fully inside the Winterhawk dumpster. The lovely mods over at @mandatoryfunday provide weekly prompts for us Winterhawklings to enjoy, and although I haven’t made a fill for this in a while, I definitely enjoyed the ones I did make and hope to make more in 2020.

Star Spangled Bingo - Yes, another bingo. I think this was my third one, but there were plenty more to come. I had a lot of fun participating in this one!

Bucky Barnes Bingo - Bucky, next to Clint, is another favourite character of mine, and I am so glad that the mods over at @buckybarnesbingo decided to do a second round in 2020. They can count on my sign-up, for sure.

Stucky Bingo - While it’s only got one fic so far, I’m definitely planning on writing more for it. XD

Captain America Reverse Big Bang: A Tail of Two Idiots - This!! This was my first RBB and I was incredibly lucky to be paired with the amazing @astaraiches-oisinn. She created some gorgeous art of Steve and Bucky at a dog park, and somehow I managed to write nearly 31.5k and post it on time! But I could not have done it without her, love you bb <333333

Winterhawk Reverse Big Bang: Main Attraction - holy fuck, y’all. I’d been a massive fan of @kangofu-cb and her words and art for a while at this point, and when I found out that we’d been paired together for the RBB? I’m pretty sure my screech broke windows. She was an absolute joy to work with and I’m glad to say that we’re now friends (we’re friends, right CB? Please let me have this) and she brightens up my day whenever I talk to her.

MCU Rarepairs Bingo - Again, there’s only one fic here but I’ve definitely got some fics planned for it.

Winterhawk Bingo - Alright, look. While I am well aware that I join too many events (no one can stop me) I am also aware that I like to run things. Thus, Winterhawk Bingo was born. It’s been a joy to run and a joy to participate in, and I’ve made even more friends for me to love with this event.

Kinktober 2019 - This was my second year in a row doing Kinktober, but I had way more fun this year because I opened up the prompt list to a bunch of my friends and followers and offered to write them a kink of their choice (or five). Definitely going to be doing it again that way in 2020.

Marvel Bingo: oh, the good ol’ days - This series is absolutely one of my all-time favourite things that I have ever written. It starts off with Clint/Steve, but as the stories progress, Bucky joins the squad for eventual Steve/Bucky/Clint, or my all-time OT3: Ameriwinterhawk. This series has 24 planned fics, with 20 so far completed. I was aiming to blackout my Marvel Bingo card, so let’s see if we can’t hit that goal, shall we?

Winterhawk Wonderland: noticeable - Hawkie’s first gift exchange! I had a super great time participating in this event (run by the lovely mods over at @winterhawkwonderland) and I can’t wait to do it again next year (if they choose to run it again)!

Marvel Trumps Hate - I signed up for my first charity auction! Look forward to those fics in 2020!

Marvel Reverse Big Bang - Technically, posting is in 2020, but the majority of this event took place in 2019, so I’m counting it.

Fics for Events (that I’m particularly proud of)

Lime Blossoms - While technically a fill for Bucky Barnes Bingo, Clint Barton Bingo, MCU Kink Bingo, and Star Spangled Bingo, this fic holds a special place in my heart. It’s very soft, and it also happens to be the fic that I jammed four different bingo squares into.

Whatever You Want - A fill for the Soulbond square of my Bucky Barnes Bingo card. Winterhawk, of course, but with a twist. Clint has two soulmarks, and they end up being Bucky and the Winter Soldier.

Safe - This fic holds is very special to me because in it, Clint is asexual. He has a crush on Bucky but doesn’t know how to go about doing something about it while making his boundaries clear. As an ace person myself who hasn’t always had the best luck with that, this fic was basically me holding up a flashing neon sign going “THIS! THIS IS WHAT I WANT!”

Flags - Another ace fic, but this time with ace!Bucky! Clint helps him as Bucky tries to figure stuff out. It’s basically pure, self-indulgent fluff.

All Bark, All Bite - Ah, yes. Werewolf!Clint and Vampire!Bucky. This is absolutely what kickstarted my obsession with supernatural AU’s, no doubt about it.

i walked with you (once upon a dream) - Another birthday fic! This one was for a friend of mine who isn’t on Tumblr, but she absolutely loves marine life. SO! Of course, I wrote her a 5+1 fic with mer!Bucky and pirate!Clint that somehow turned into 16k words of basically pure fluff.

topsy turvy and upside down - This was a fill for the Mandatory Fun Day prompt “Clint as the Winter Soldier”. God, I had so much fun with this fic and I wrote all 7k of it in like, a day or something, because the words would just not stop flowing.

anything, anything - This. This was written for @flowerparrish as a part of Kinktober, and I honestly have no idea how it became an ace!Steve sex pollen fic, except that it did. I definitely plan to write more ace fics, and more sex pollen fics, and more ace sex pollen fics.

i ain’t proud of my address (in this torn up town) - Affectionately referred to by me as Demon!Clint, this fic will absolutely be updated and completed. At some point. But I give you my word.

That’s all, folks! That sums up my 2019! Well, the fic portion of it anyway. I made so many new friends that I hope stick with me for a long while, I got so many new ideas for fics I plan to write in 2020, and! I learned a few things about myself along the way!

Things to expect from me in 2020:

- Events. So many events. All of the events.

- Fics. SO many. A few for events, a few not.

- I guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?

#hawkie writes #year in review #ohhhh goddddd so many events #fuck #and more to come this year #why do i do this to myself

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shadowofthelamp · 4 years

Text

Fandom Trades: Tips and Tricks

I’ve been running a secret santa for five years now, and a few people expressed interest in a sort of ‘guide’. It does take some elbow grease to get things up and running, but it’s very rewarding and gets easier as you go. Click the ‘read more’ for some stuff I’ve picked up over the years! It’s a bit general to try and cover anything, but if you have any questions, you can ask! (And if you’ve run one yourself, feel free to add on!)

FAQ: Something that’s a really good idea to have. Here’s the most important stuff on it that would probably be applicable to most trades:

-Basic summary of what the trade will be- some could be fic-only or art-only, or even specific-ship-only. Mine’s general to ‘all sonic sfw content’, but setting guidelines so people know what they’re getting into is a good idea so you won’t have to answer the same question over and over.

-Deadlines. Make them clear. Mine’s easy (Christmas Eve) but depending on what size the gift is expected to be, the time frame can be adjusted.

-Related, set up rules for if people need to drop out. It happens, so be prepared. (This is why I ask now if people are alright giving a second gift.)

-Any particular rules for your trade- is it sfw or is nsfw acceptable? (In that case, set age limits.) Are there ships that will or won’t be allowed? Is there a punishment for violating the rules or turning things in late, like not being allowed to participate in the trade again?

PROMOTION:

A promo image is a good idea! I’ve been using the same one for a few years that was put together by a friend no longer on tumblr, but images catch people’s eyes faster than a text dump. Make something that’s easy to understand but gets the point across, and the text below should have enough information without overwhelming the casual scroller.

Space paragraphs often to make it less intimidating. Include links to the FAQ, the sample entry, and the submit box right in the post, as well as a way to contact you- you want things to be as easy as possible for anyone interested. Here’s my promo post.

You also want to start promotion early- I start posting and reblogging my promo a full month before the entry deadline, to give as many people the chance to see it as possible. Any earlier, and they might not care- (who wants to see a Christmas trade post in October when you’re hyped for Halloween?) and any later and you might not get as many participants as you could have. A month-ish is a good time frame. (I also have a tag for the promo post, so people can blacklist it if they aren’t interested and don’t want to see it 15 times.)

SAMPLE ENTRIES:

Also something that’s good to have. Having a template for what you want entries to look like will make sorting easier for you. Here’s mine. It’s a good idea to scout around for other trades to find out what would work for you.

MAKING ASSIGNMENTS:

Next, setting up how to arrange who gets assigned to who. I personally use google spreadsheets. These are the categories I use, feel free to steal them: Username, medium (art, writing, amvs, ect), whether they’ll work with fan characters, what they’d like to receive, what they won’t do (one year I even added ‘if there’s anyone you won’t work with’ so if it’s a fandom with drama, that one might be good), who they’re gifting to, who they’re receiving from, if they’ve submitted their piece yet, if their piece is in the queue, and if they’re alright with doing backup.

I also had a category for if they’ve confirmed they’re still in once assignments were sent out. (Boy, was that one nerve-wracking during the whole tumblr purge debacle of last year- I didn’t know if anybody had just quit tumblr mid-month.)

You will run into people who only want two or three things nobody else wrote on their sheet. If you can’t find even one match, then just put them with someone who had a wide variety on theirs, or who doesn’t have anything on their ‘won’t do’ list. Trying to match with multiple likes is a better bet, though, so encouraging longer lists of what people want makes things easier for you in the long run!

I personally just went in a line- I picked one person, found who they would give a gift to, and then found who THAT person would give a gift to. Rinse and repeat down the list, and it’ll end with everyone paired. I ended up making a closed loop and then sorting the last 8 or so, which was fine. An easy way to check that you didn’t double-classify anyone is control-f and searching names. If their name pops up 3 times, you did it right.

SENDING OUT ASSIGNMENTS:

Just copy-pasting the part of the entry that includes the person’s name and their likes makes this way easier for you over trying to type them out individually. Ask for confirmation that people got their assignments so you don’t have to worry if they missed it.

HOW TO KEEP THINGS ORGANIZED:

My system is this: I’ve mentioned it before, but I utilize a combination of my spreadsheet and the queue function. Let’s say Sally’s making a gift for Jake, Jake’s making a gift for Taylor, and Taylor’s making a gift for Sally. Sally submits her piece of art for Jake. I mark that off on the sheet, so when Taylor submits the gift for Sally, that gift will go in the queue to be posted whenever the deadline is up because she turned hers in already.

This keeps people motivated to complete their parts of the trade, since they won’t get their gifts until they do. If someone drops out, tell the person making the gift for them- if you’re lucky, they can rework what they have for the person that the drop-out was supposed to make something for, but if not, bring in someone who didn’t mind making a second gift. Person making the gift for the dropout can choose if they want to continue making it or not- if it’s mostly done and not a fan-character, they can just post it on their own blog unrelated to the trade.

It’s also a good idea to have a ‘hub’ where things are posted. If it’s a fic trade, ao3 has a function specifically for this, but I’ve found having things submitted directly to you makes it a million times easier to keep track of who’s finished their pieces, as well as keeping things ‘secret’ until the big day. (People have gotten confused or excited and posted early before.)

If people want to post elsewhere after it’s posted on the main hub, set your own rules- I say it’s fine as long as it links back to the blog and links the giftee, particularly if it involves fancharacters. You make your own judgement.

BE PATIENT:

This is one that’s very important. Some people don’t check the FAQ, and some people are going to be new, asking questions that you swear you’ve answered before or thought would be obvious. They generally just want to know, so take a deep breath. They don’t know they’re the fifth person to ask that question. Answer politely, or steer them towards the FAQ. (Running the same event year after year, you run into this a lot- they’re just new, be nice!)

Don’t start an event that you expect to have plenty of people participating if you aren’t prepared to hear the same questions a couple of times. Things might get a little annoying- take a step back for a few minutes, cool off, but try to remain professional. You signed up for this. For me, it’s always worth it to see how happy people are about their gifts, but know yourself and your limits- running a themed week where people post art at their own pace is less hassle, so you could try that if you don’t feel up to organizing a full trade!

If you can have a friend to bounce things off of, that can help too, but don’t use them as just a dumping ground. Tumblr allows multiple ‘mods’ on a blogs, so splitting work can make things easier, particularly if it’s your first run doing something like this. I had a friend who helped me the first few years before leaving tumblr. Be sure you trust the person, though! They’ll be able to edit posts and delete submissions, so if any drama happens, beware. (This never happened to me, but it doesn’t hurt to be careful.)

TAGGING:

Add tags to the submission box. I don’t know why this took me four years to think of, but it saved me a lot of time last year. If it’s a trade that covers an entire fandom and dozens of ships, you can add the shipping tags as they come in, but adding the ten or so most popular character tags helps a lot. If it’s going to involve potentially triggering content, common trigger tags are a good idea too. (A Halloween trade might need this, for example, or one that involves nsfw content.)

PEOPLE TURNING THINGS IN LAST MINUTE:

It’s going to happen. I think one year I was panicking on the 23rd because I only had half the gifts, and all but one had been turned in by the time I went to bed on the 24th. People procrastinate- if you get in most of the gifts ahead of time, you can thank your lucky stars. Try not to stress over it, but feel free to post reminders in the week before/days leading up to the deadline. My family travels around the holidays a lot, and I managed to get everything queued up properly through airport and hotel wifi more than one year, so you’ll be just fine if you try and stay calm.

OTHER/GENERAL:

It’s absolutely worth it, in my opinion- I’ve been doing this for years for a reason. My favorite thing is knowing I’ve done something that made others happy. Going through all the excited responses Christmas morning is equal or above getting presents from my family, because I know it’s on some level because of me facilitating the trade in the first place. I hear over and over this is something people look forward to, and it genuinely warms my heart.

It might take a few years to get established, but if you find a niche (there was a blog called sonic secret santa, but it hadn’t been updated in years) you might be surprised how fast you can gather people! I like seeing people show up year after year, it’s how I know I’m doing something right.

It is definitely work, and there is stress involved, (especially if people drop out or don’t send in their gifts on time) but the benefits outweigh the negatives, I say. People are generally understanding if there’s a problem, as long as you make it known you’re working on it.

You have to commit to the responsibility if you do this- people who are making gifts are putting their trust in you that you’ll keep things organized and they’ll get something for the gift they’re giving. You can’t guarantee everything will run exactly as planned, but you can be as transparent as possible when you hit a bump- ‘I’m sorry, but your person said they’ll be late because they were having internet problems/personal life issues and is doing their best’ is going to get a lot better of a response than radio silence. Be sympathetic, but be firm on the rules if need be.

I hope this helped a bit, and thanks for reading!

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chaniters · 5 years

Text

I’m fine. Really.

Exploring Ortega’s emotions a bit, for a change.

Chargestep.

Some minor spoilers I guess?

_____________________________________________

“Retribution… stand back” he says in a cold tone as he takes a step forward

“Why?”

“Because… I’m going to kill him” Charge lets out in a tone you hadn’t thought could possibly come from his lips.

“That wasn’t… ” you start

“... part of your plan?” he says finishing your sentence “I know. Don’t worry, this one’s on me.”

Argent just looks at you both … and then simply leans her back on the wall by the door. She’s not going to get in Ricardo’s way, because she agrees. She feels this is true Justice.

Your gaze falls to Steel, and he glares right back at your mask. This is all your fault, his mind lets out. He finally speaks as Ortega takes another step.

“I can’t let you kill him”

“Well if you’re going to stop me, you better do it fast Marshall” he states flatly.

“Charge, I won’t let you murder civilians”

“This isn’t a civilian. He’s a monster,” he says taking yet another step. “You know the experiments he did on people” And of course, by experiments, he means you.

Ortega asked you what Dr. Zeimer did to you back at the farm. And you opened your big mouth and told him. You told him everything. Steel is right. This is definitely your fault… you should have predicted this would happen. That’s what you get for blurting the truth.

“You’re not a killer,” he says standing in between the terrified scientist and Charge.

“Just move to the side and we can put that to the test”

“You know I can’t do that…”

Zeimer takes the chance and runs to the door…. But Argent stretches her leg making him trip, falling down and losing his glasses.

“Please…” he whimpers. But she’s not in a merciful mood. She leans down, picks him by the lapels, and simply tosses him back to his corner as if he weighed nothing at all.

“This is the worst kind of scum Steel. You don’t know how many he tortured… Let him do it”

“We can’t do this! We’re heroes! Have you two gone mad?!” he snaps back at them. “I won’t let you. We have duties. You’ll have to walk over me”

Charge never gets to answer, because Argent is just too fast. She leaps forward, and takes Steel down hard, holding his mechanical arm in a wrestling lock.

“What the hell!” Steel struggles, his mods humming and coming to life in an instant. He raises a few centimeters, before Argent brings him down again, with all her strength.

“Do it !” Argent yells. “I’ll hold him!”

Charge nods and walks over to Zeimer…

“If you do it, there’s no going back for either of you!” Steel barks as he and Argent keep struggling…

The Scientist backs up to the corner, while Ortega begins sparking furiously, Ozone filling the room.

“This will be much faster than what you deserve, you piece of shit!” he says, looming over him

“DAMNIT! DON’T DO IT ORTEGA!”

“Just let me go…” the creature that is Zeimer says crying …

Charge’s fist comes down. Zeimer closes his eyes, prepared to become a piece of crisped chicken smeared on the walls… He’s not wrong, with that voltage, he’s likely going to explode too...

“W… Steel, let go!” Ortega struggles against the hands holding his arm back.

“That’s not me, you idiot” Steel argues, still pinned down by Argent.

“What are you doing?” Argent asks. Steel uses the distraction to free himself, letting her fall to the side with a loud thud.

“You?!” Ortega says turning. Your gloves are starting to smoke under the excessive power of the voltage coming your way as you hold him. Red alerts begin to show up on your hud.

“Why? Let go, let me kill this bastard right now!”

“Ricardo… Just... don’t.”

“What? Are you out of your mind?!”

“I think the villain he sounds pretty more stable than you right now and that’s saying something,” Steel says rubbing his arm, the metal plating on it now bearing the shape of Argent’s fingers.

“Guys… what’s going on?!” Herald asks, shocked by the weird scene as he lands.

“I don’t know anymore,” Argent says.

“No. I’ll kill him. I’ll do it. I have to...” he insists

You wrap your arm around him, pulling him back. You can fill him trembling with rage as you do, but he slowly steps back.

“It’s ok… I don’t need you to do this for me“

He seems at a loss for words at that.

Good, now’s your chance.

You approach Zeimer and enter his mind. Erase all memory of what happened… take what information you need… put him to sleep. All in less than 10 seconds.

You turn. “Herald… can you take him home?” You say pointing at the unconscious man. “He’ll remember nothing”

“What?!” he says looking at you, the villain, then at Steel…

“Ugh… just… “ you simply pull your helm off. “There. It’s me. Cyrus. There’s the big secret, the big reveal.”

You swallow, as he looks at you … at all of you… horrified. Shit. You should have worded that better. Too late...

“Ortega and Argent already know, Steel suspected all along, and now you know too. Are you happy?” you say looking at Steel.

Steel’s not happy. You deprived him of his big “Aha!” moment. But he still manages a smile.

“Do as he says, Herald. It will be safer for everyone. I’m sure we can all have one big chat later when no ones at risk of getting killed”

“Uh… right… but... Does anyone know his address?”

“Let’s find it together,” Argent says taking hold of Zeimer and dragging him outside. She gives you one last look “I don’t understand you Cyrus”

“Neither do I, most of the time” you answer.

She just snorts, walking out, followed by Herald.

Your gaze falls on Steel, who’s staring at you.

“I was just making sure nobody made a mistake or crossed the line…” He states finally.

“Well, I hope you’re glad then?”

“I am. And I still think you should go to trial but… I think we’ve all been fooled. There are many new… pieces of evidence to consider”

“What, not going to try to arrest me?”

“I can’t arrest you because as far as I know, you were never here,” he says turning and walking out.

You turn to Ortega. He’s still there, looking down.

You approach him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“Why didn’t you let me do it?”

“Because I don’t want you to be a murderer.”

“But…”

Crap… you’re not good at these things, it’s usually him that knows how to handle your meltdowns...

You wrap your arms around him, pulling him closer.

“You’re not fine… He hurt you. I couldn’t save you back then… But I could stop him now if you had let me”

“Yes. Yes, he did those things… And you’re right, I wasn’t fine. But I’m fine now, Ricardo. I truly am. Thanks to you”

He trembles all over… and starts crying. On your shoulder…

Wow.

You know how hard this must be for him… You’ve only seen him cry a few times in all the years. And you’ve never seen him so weak.

You hold him tighter.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” he keeps apologizing.

“Why are you sorry? You’ve done nothing wrong”

“I just… wanted to make it up to you… somehow… I couldn’t help you back then...and...”

“Well, you’ve helped a lot… even after all the shit I pulled on you,” you say. “You’re always been my best friend.”

He looks int your eyes…

“... ok, you’re way more than a friend to me. You know what I mean...”

And then moves forward for a kiss…

“What the hell are you doing? I don’t want any ugly-crying-kisses!” you say dodging with a smile on your lips

That does it... He cracks a smile.

“I’m not ugly crying, you moron,” he says clearing some tears, just in case.

“You totally are!”

“Shut up, ugly-crying kisses are all I ever get from you, so you don’t get to judge me,” he says, closing in again… but you’re not going to dodge this time, and he knows it.

__________________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

#fallen hero: rebirth #fallen hero spoilers #fanfiction #chargestep

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iamashamedofmyfanfics · 4 years

Text

Raining Season

Raining Season by iamashamedofmyfanfics

Pairing: Suga/Jimin, Past Suga/J Hope Genre: Romance, Friendship Universe: AU where harsh words cause physical scars Rating: PG13 Warnings: Swearing, mentions of verbal abuse (both purposeful and unintentional). Length: Oneshot (6894 words)

Notes: Part of the Skin Deep Reality AU but this AU is a collection of oneshots so there’s literally 0 need to read the others. It took me like a year to write this rip.

[ao3 version] (do links still block posts from tags? if so rip me)

Summary: Just as he takes a step, he kicks something, and looks down to find a dark, red umbrella sitting next to his door. It’s almost certainly Jimin’s. There’s a note tied to it. “I got a new one and Hoseok said you didn’t have one, so you can have this if you want? Don’t get sick!”

It’s raining when Yoongi leaves the convenience store. The warmth of his coffee does nothing to ease the cold of the rain, as he steps outside. Briefly he wonders if he should just run back to his apartment from here, but he really doesn’t have time to get sick. Yoongi pulls his jacket tighter around him, and glances back inside. The cashier- a young woman with the unfortunate luck to have the word disappointing carved across her cheek- gives him a sympathetic, if nervous, smile. In return, he offers a halfhearted smile, and turns back to the sidewalk, watching the rain for a moment. With a sigh, he resigns himself to running, and pulls his hood up in the hopes it will provide extra protection.

“Yoongi?” The voice- familiar and quiet- stops him. To his left stands Park Jimin, who goes to the college just a few blocks south of where Yoongi- during his days- works. As well as who shares a mutual friend- one Jung Hoseok- with Yoongi.

“Oh, hey.” Yoongi glances, briefly, at the umbrella the other holds, before looking back to Jimin’s face.

“It’s raining.”

“I noticed.”

“We’re you planing to run in it?”

“Yep.”

“Would you… like to walk with me?” Jimin’s question confuses Yoongi for just a moment, before he remembers that they also live in the same apartment building. Yoongi pauses, considering this, then nods.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, give me a second? I was supposed to buy some stuff before getting home.” With that, Jimin shoves the umbrella into Yoongi’s hands, and rushes inside. For a moment, Yoongi thinks about how easy it would be to just go on his own, since he has the umbrella, before pushing that thought aside. That would be more than mean, and he can stand to wait a few minutes.

When Jimin returns, he’s holding a bag filled with at least six cold coffee bottles, and is holding a slushee. Yoongi raises an eyebrow at this, but Jimin shrugs, sipping it.

“Roommate.”

“Ah.”

They head back, together, and separate when they reach the building.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. See you later!”

There are very few people who are willing to risk themselves, in exchange for fame. In a world where one word said with enough venom, or one phrase that hurts you enough, can etch itself over your skin permanently, it’s a big risk. There are people who become famous, only to have someone who claims to be their fans scream something hurtful at them just to know that their words are scars on that persons skin. There are people who want to ruin them, and do the same. There are those who believe their comments will never reach them, but that somehow get back through one of dozens of sites. There are those who try to ruin someone before they reach fame, and those who throw insults at each other to entertain people.

It’s cruel, and it’s not everyone, but it’s a large enough threat that many fear trying. Those who do either being confident enough not to get hurt, or are able to hide their scars easily. Or, in some rare cases, those who don’t try to hide them, despite any criticism.

Someone who makes music without showing his face, and who preforms only in small venues populated by people with the same wants- dreams, goals, careers- as him, Min Yoongi both does and doesn’t want to rise into that. Fears it, because of the words already there, yet desperately holds onto a dream that a young him had, before the cruelty of the world was revealed to him.

For now, no matter what he wants, he keeps doing what he has been, and working to make up for what his dreams can’t do.

It’s still raining early the next day, when he wakes. He doesn’t work, today, if only because his boss got tired of seeing him every day for the past month. Yoongi takes this chance to listen back to the newest track he’s created. The mixing he “finished” the day before, while he may have been far too tired to properly judge it, needs some work, so he resigns himself to that task, for the morning.

By afternoon he’s sure he’s listened to his own voice far too much, and that he can no longer be trusted to be the judge of it.

So he sends the most current version of it to two of his friends- who he trusts to give honest thoughts- and leaves deciding he should probably eat.

It could be quite a while before he hears back from them; Namjoon and Hoseok. Namjoon is in a different timezone, and is halfway to finishing a manuscript he’s been invested in for the past few months. Meanwhile Hoseok is knee deep in internships and, between that, his personal ventures into the career he actually wants.

To his surprise, Yoongi receives an email from Hoseok only four hours later, while he’s taken to writing down whatever comes into his mind; writing thoughts for future reference. So he sits up, and grabs his computer, reading the email.

Two years ago, Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok weren’t friends. A month before that, they were dating.

Yoongi knows he’s responsible for at least one of Hoseok’s scars, and he can’t do anything about that fact. Neither of them can, or could have. It was something that had to be said, that they both knew was going to be, eventually. An inevitability that they couldn’t avoid. One of them would be hurt.

“It’s okay.” Hoseok had taken Yoongi’s hands, and smiled, despite the clear fear there. Yoongi hesitated, frowned, refused to say what he knew would hurt Hoseok. What he knew would carve a fresh scar into his skin. It’s surprising, to hear Hoseok talk gravely, but he speaks with a finality that Yoongi can’t manage. “I already know, but neither of us will feel better leaving it unsaid.”

“I don’t- I’m not in love with you.”

“I know.”

Hoseok left, that day. The only evidence that Yoongi was right, that the words scared, is his slight wince when Yoongi said it. Yet, he doesn’t say anything hurtful back. Doesn’t try to pay Yoongi back for them. Is clear enough in what was happening, to know that Yoongi tried to make the words untrue. Tried to feel what he knew Hoseok did. But it hadn’t worked. In the end he didn’t, and it wasn’t doing either of them any good.

So Hoseok leaves with the words, “not in love with you,” and Yoongi finds the words, “I know,” trailing over his stomach the next time he looks.

Two years ago, Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok weren’t friends. Four months after that, after everything is over, Yoongi finds Hoseok sitting outside a convince store, leaned over a warming bowl of noodles. Yoongi stares, and meets Hoseok’s gaze when he looks up. Hoseok offers a smile, surprisingly warm, and Yoongi finds himself dropping down next to the other.

When it was over, when Yoongi was far away from Hoseok’s feelings for him, he had time to process. Time the realize that, “not in love,” wasn’t always the case. That, once, at the beginning and middle, he had been in love with Hoseok, he thinks. That despite losing that, there had been a time where it was true.

“You know, I think…” Yoongi gazes at the table, frowning. “Even if I didn’t, at the end, I think at one point- I think I loved you.”

“Yeah.” Hoseok nods, turns his gaze away. “I loved you, too.”

Two years ago, Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok weren’t friends. One year ago, Hoseok sent Yoongi a picture of a dog, after barely speaking for months, and Yoongi thought, maybe they’d be okay.

Today, Yoongi and Hoseok are friends. Hoseok sends Yoongi an email, telling him that he liked the song, but that he’s not an expert on music production. Something felt a bit off, but he isn’t sure what, and tells Yoongi that Namjoon will probably have a better insight into that. Otherwise, he really liked the song, and says he, “wasn’t prepared to cry, so thanks,” at the end of his email. Yoongi replies, thanking him.

Hoseok responds with a small dismissal of this thanks, saying it wasn’t a big deal, and then a P.S. That says,“you should buy an umbrella.”

The next day, Yoongi gets ready for work while thinking that Hoseok is right. The rain has yet to let up, and he breathes a sigh before he sets out for work. One more glance is sent at his window, before he closes his door and stuffs his keys into his pockets. Just as he takes a step, he kicks something, and looks down to find a dark, red umbrella sitting next to his door. It’s almost certainly Jimin’s, and he picks it up with a frown on his face.

There’s a note tied to it. “I got a new one and Hoseok said you didn’t have one, so you can have this if you want? Don’t get sick!”

The day after, he finally gets a reply from Namjoon that simply tells him the song is good, but Yoongi’s voice is too low in the mix. Yoongi spends the night making adjustments with that, until he thinks it’s perfect, and then adds the song onto a blank video with the song title before posting it. He wont- despite always wanting to- check the comments. He knows better, and that’s why he has mods. To make sure that by the time he does look at the comments, they’re less likely to be filled with possibly scar-worthy words. Leaves genuine criticism, opinions- because he has to deal with those eventually- but they get rid of anything blatantly hateful.

Then he finds the clock reading approximately ass o’ clock in the morning- 4am- and knowing he has to work two hours later. With a sigh, he drags himself to bed- any rest is better than none- and sets an alarm. When he wakes, the next day, the rain has finally let up. When he goes to leave, he takes a moment of consideration, before grabbing the umbrella from where he left it beside the door, and taking it with him, just in case.

That Sunday, two things happen. Yoongi decides enough time has passed for his mods to make it safe for him to look at his comments, and he get’s a text from Namjoon. He deals with the former, first, since he expects Namjoon will have texted him, and then gone to do something else right away, anyway.

This is so sad?

i wanna kno who this is about

ugh ‘I think I loved you’ how dare you do this to me

This makes me miss someone ive never even met ha

His voice !!!

Yoongi scrolls through the comments, the video playing the song they’re about, until he has a good idea of the general consensus. Which is, in short, that it was sad and that they liked it.

With that- for now- out of the way, Yoongi checks Namjoon’s message. It’s a picture, actually, and Yoongi isn’t sure what he’s looking at, at first. It’s a tattooed arm, that much is obvious, but he isn’t sure why Namjoon would send it to him. The bird is pretty, but it takes him a minute to realize that it’s Namjoon’s arm. The one that is scarred with the word, fake. But that word is nearly unnoticeable, under the detailed tattoo.

“When’d you do that?”

“Mostly last month but it was finished a few days ago.”

When Yoongi is sixteen, he meets this kid named Namjoon in passing. The latter was visiting family in the town Yoongi lived in, and they met outside a CD shop. Yoongi was going to apply for some part time work, while Namjoon was just looking at the selection. This kind of meeting would be something they would both forget, something they would never think about.

When Yoongi is twenty, he meets this guy named Namjoon in passing. Yoongi is working at this store, and Namjoon is buying an album. They somehow get to talking, and eventually end up exchanging information, even though that’s unusual considering Yoongi is working. Later, months later, they talk about hometowns and spiral into a conversation that reveals their having met in passing before.

When Yoongi is twenty, he makes friends with Namjoon, and this leads, eventually, to a discussion about scars. It’s hard to miss, especially when Namjoon has never made a huge effort to hide it, but Namjoon has the word fake scrawled over this right arm. Yoongi makes a bigger effort to hide his, but it’s still not hard to notice. Yoongi has the word fucker scrawled across his left forearm. They take a weird solace in knowing these scars are both the result of broken friendships. In the fact that they aren’t alone in this.

Yoongi looks down at his own arm, and wonders if he should do something similar. But, no, he doesn’t want to. As terrible as it is, he can’t bring himself to hide it, not from himself at least.

“It’s nice. Planning more?”

“Eventually.”

It’s a Thursday evening, raining yet again, when Yoongi begins his journey home under the cover of the umbrella given to him by Jimin. It’s a Thursday evening, and Jimin runs past him- likely returning from university- bag held over his head.

“Jimin!” Jimin stumbles at that, spins around frantic, and stops. Then, after a brief pause, rushes over to Yoongi, hiding under the cover of the umbrella that was once his.

“Hey.”

“I though you had a new one.”

“I forgot it.” Jimin huffs, pushing his wet hair out of his face.

“Well, you in a rush?”

“Not really, now that I’m out of the rain.” Jimin grins, and Yoongi just nods. They make their way back together again, idle conversation breaking up their relative silence, and separate once back to their apartments, again.

The next morning, Yoongi checks the weather to see it’s probably going to rain, again. He isn’t sure why he’s doing it, really, but he tapes a note to Jimin’s- and his roommate’s, technically- apartment door frame- so he can’t miss it- that reminds Jimin to take an umbrella.

Later, that night, when Yoongi returns home after working overtime, he finds a thank you in the form of a note slid under his door.

There are a number of people, in the world, who’s scars will never be visible. Who hide them under clothes or makeup- or who don’t have to make much of an effort to hide them- so nobody will ever know. Yoongi doesn’t have to make much of an effort to hide his, a lot of the time. They’re all in easily covered places. His arms, sometimes, are a problem when it’s too warm, but otherwise he doesn’t have much trouble. Sometimes he wonders about strangers. If they’re like him, or if they just don’t have a lot, or, or, or.

Yoongi has never so much caught a glimpse of Jimin’s scars. It’s not as if he’s been looking for them, specifically, but… he wonders. If the man who gave him an umbrella, and has always seemed generally nice, and who’s friends with Hoseok- which basically guarantees someone isn’t awful- could possibly have that many scars. If many people could have said things worth scarring, to him.

If he would be hurt by the words, in the first place.

Yoongi admittedly doesn’t have that many scars. No more than fifteen, if he counts the long faded ones that are barely visible from his childhood. The ones that remain, visible and obvious and red, are more recent. Sometimes, when someone looks at him for a second too long, he worries. Worries that they’re wondering, too, or maybe that they know. It’s not rational, he knows that, but he can’t help but wonder.

What would actually happen, if someone saw them? Logically he knows the answer is nothing, but…

Yoongi runs into Jimin, as he’s on his way up to his apartment, and Jimin is leaving, and he wonders. Wonders about Jimin’s scars, wonders if the other wonders about his.

“Oh, hey, Yoongi.”

“Hey.”

“Thanks again for the reminder about the umbrella, it rained again on my way home.”

“No problem.”

But their conversations are so normal. Scars are never addressed.

So maybe it’s just Yoongi that wonders.

The long-running streak of rain finally comes to an end, on a Tuesday morning. Yoongi works in a small coffee shop just off of the nearby college campus. Technically Yoongi was a student there not long ago, but left because it felt like a waste. When he was working towards something he didn’t even want to do. His family hadn’t been happy, the word disappointing on his chest evidence of this.

Someone stumbles into the shop, seemingly losing to the weight of their bag, before looking up at Yoongi and- oh. It’s Jimin, he realizes when he sees the other’s face. Jimin is shortly followed by another of Yoongi’s neighbors- and Jimin’s roommate- Taehyung. While the later laughs at Jimin’s stumbling, and makes his way to one of the many table, Jimin shoots him a glare and approaches the counter. Yoongi offers a smile, as he’s supposed to.

“Hey, Yoongi, I forgot you worked here.”

“Yep. What do you want?”

Jimin recites his- and presumably Taehyung’s- order, motioning with his hands. Yoongi never realized before, but Jimin’s wrists have always been converted in some way. It never occurred to him why, until he notices the small, red, scar on his right arm. Pathetic. Yoongi forces himself to focus on Jimin’s order, rather than the word, and then recites it back, to be sure it’s right.

“That’s all?”

“Yep!”

Yoongi charges the other, and gives the order to another of the shops workers to get started on. When Jimin gets the drinks, and goes to sit with Taehyung, Yoongi feels bad.

Yoongi always wonders about others scars, but whenever he sees them, he feels bad. Feels like it’s an invasion of privacy that he can’t take back. Because these are words that hurt that person so badly they became physical wounds. Who was he to look at those, without permission?

The first time Yoongi had seen someone else’s scar- that wasn’t a family member- they belonged to Seokjin, his and Namjoon’s mutual friend. At the time, shortly before Yoongi dropped out of college, Seokjin had been his roommate, which made hiding their scars from each other nearly impossible. There wasn’t enough space or privacy. Yoongi was nineteen at the time- hadn’t met Namjoon or Hoseok, yet- and had felt sick to his stomach when he realized what he’d done.

But Seokjin hadn’t seemed bothered. Said, simply, that he didn’t care. That the words didn’t mean anything, because now that they were on his skin, what else could they do to him?

Yoongi didn’t get it. His own scars hurt to look at, still. Filled his chest with anxiety at the realization that someone else could do that to him, and he could do nothing to stop it.

Yoongi wonders, now, what Jimin feels about his scars. What they mean to him.

Because Yoongi knows what his own mean to him. And they’re awful. It’s awful. He hates, deeply, every one of them.

Or, maybe, he just hates himself for believing the insults. Or himself for letting the ones that weren’t, be said.

So, Yoongi and Jimin have this one conversation. Run into each other, again as they’re both on their way home, and have a short conversation that sticks in Yoongi’s mind.

“You ever worry that if someone knew your- uh- words, that they’d try to use them to hurt you more?”

“Huh?” Yoongi blinks, surprised, before nodding. “Yeah.”

“I lost my scar-covering band, and went through today, and nothing happened.” Jimin frowns. “So why am I still worried?”

“Just because nothing’s gone wrong- or even if you know nothing will- doesn’t mean you’re gonna stop worrying.”

“Sucks, though.”

“Yeah.”

It sticks with Yoongi, for two reasons. One is that Jimin has the same worries as him. Somehow that makes things easier. Makes him feel better. Because it isn’t just him. The second is his own words. He isn’t sure where they came from, in his mind, but he spoke without really thinking about it.

Just because you know you shouldn’t, doesn’t mean you wont worry.

And just because you know they shouldn’t matter, doesn’t mean your scars will stop hurting.

Two weeks later, Jimin and Yoongi meet in that convenience store. The cashier looks unhappy, when the two start talking- likely too used to groups of people being noisy and inconsiderate of her time- but Yoongi tries to ignore that. He knows they aren’t going to cause her problems.

“Hey can I ask you for something?” Jimin asks, tilting his head to Yoongi.

“Depends?”

“I need music recommendations. For- uh- dance routines? Hoseok’s gonna be back in town, this summer, and we wanna do something together, but haven’t figured out what song to use.”

“Oh, sure. I can send some recommendations to him, if you want?”

“You could just give them to me?” Jimin frowns at him. “Oh, wait, you don’t have my number, huh?”

“No?”

“Okay, give me your phone then.”

Yoongi and Jimin talk more. It’s a slow thing, that happens. One day, they barely knew each other, and the next they were talking almost every day. In passing, mostly, with the rain gone, but talking none the less. Within a year, the two have become friends.

And the rain is back.

Yoongi is on his way back from work, as the rain pours down. It’s windy, too, and his umbrella is struggling. Still, it holds up. Then, he hears Jimin’s voice.

“Yoongi, hold up!” The other runs to him, before Yoongi can fully turn to face him. Jimin forces his way under Yoongi’s umbrella, gasping for breath after running.

“Did you somehow forget your umbrella, again?” Yoongi jokes, only for Jimin to raise the remains of his umbrella in front of them.

“Nope. It just turned out the new one was garbage.”

“New,” Yoongi repeats the word. “It’s been a year.”

“And I barely used it!”

“Fair enough.” Yoongi shrugs. “So you want to walk together, I take it?”

“Yep, that okay?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks!” Jimin’s grin is startlingly warm. Yoongi’s chest hurts, and he isn’t sure if it’s because of Jimin, himself, or because he reminds Yoongi of something else. Of the kind of smile he was scared of getting rid of, once.

Three years ago, Yoongi and Hoseok weren’t friends. Two years ago, they became friends again. Yoongi hesitates, after everything, to ask Hoseok of all people, but he does. Sends Hoseok a short message, to ask a simple question.

How did you know you were in love?

It’s not as if Yoongi thinks he is, suddenly. As if a friendship of idle conversations has caused that. But he doesn’t remember what he felt, back when he loved Hoseok. Doesn’t remember what it felt like, before he fell out of love. His memory is clouded with anger at himself for hurting someone, even if they both knew he had no choice.

I couldn’t really tell you, sorry. Hoseok’s response doesn’t help Yoongi any.

“You know,” Jimin starts, one day. They sit just outside their apartment building, during a break in the rain. There’s a bus, that comes in a few minutes, that Jimin has to catch, and Yoongi just doesn’t have anything to do at the moment. “Sometimes I wonder what I would have done, if I was born- like- seventy years earlier.”

“Why then?”

“That was before the whole words-causing-scars things started, you know? My grandma was born just a few months before it started, and has none.”

“Oh.” Yoongi nods. He was sure he learned about that, in school, but it had never really registered to him. He was so used to how things were, that a society devoid of it seemed wrong, somehow. Was it better? Or was not being able to physically display the effects of ones words worse?

“Don’t you wonder?”

Yoongi has wondered about a lot of things, but that wasn’t one. “I guess not? I don’t know. I sure do, now that you’ve mentioned it.”

Jimin nods, frowning. “I wonder if it would have made me happier, or not.”

“I doubt the words would hurt less, just because you don’t have to look at them.” Yoongi never looks at most of his words. Some he couldn’t avoid, but he never looks in a mirror, to avoid words like I know. That didn’t stop them from hurting.

“Maybe not.”

So Yoongi doesn’t think he’s in love with Jimin. Not yet, at least, but the other takes more and more space up, in his life, over time. So, he does what he usually does when things take up too much of his life’s space. Writes about it. Writes about Jimin. It turns, too quickly, into a song.

He hesitates to send to to Hoseok, but knows the other will complain if he finds out Yoongi only sent it to Namjoon. When he hears back from both of them, he gets two very different responses. Namjoon’s, “it’s nice, different from your usual though,” is expected. As is Hoseoks, “somebody has a crush~” though he wishes it wasn’t.

What isn’t expected, is the response after he posts it. Not from most people, their responses are what he expects. But from Jimin. Who knocks on his door, mid afternoon on a Saturday, nearly bouncing where he stands when Yoongi opens the door.

“Jimin?”

“Your new song was really good!”

“Uh- oh. Thank you? You- wait- you heard it?!”

“Uh, yeah? Wait did you not know I listen to them? Hoseok told me about your music a long time ago. Why do you think I went to you for music recommendations?”

“Oh.” Oh, Yoongi thinks, that’s unfortunate.

“Anyway, I wanted to ask a favour about it!”

“What- uh- what’s that?”

“Let me make a routine to it.”

“Like… dance?”

“Yes?”

“You’re asking my permission?”

“Uh, yeah?” Jimin tilts his head, frowning. Unfortunately, it’s cute. “You’re not like a big, record-signed artist, so I’d feel weird not asking you about it. Especially if I film the routine and post it, you know?”

“Right, okay. Sure, have fun?” Yoongi really just wants this conversation to end, honestly. Really would prefer not to talk to Jimin about the song that also happened to be about Jimin. “You know you could have texted me to ask?”

“Oh, yeah, but I was on my way out anyway- oh shit, I have to go.” Realization forms on Jimin’s face, and he’s rushing off before Yoongi can properly respond. “I’ll see you later!”

So Yoongi’s face isn’t really out there, publicly. His profiles are all icons, or specifically edited pictures to hide his face. His main avatar is a picture of him, yes, but with his face hidden behind his left arm, and the word fucker censored, but visible. Multiple people have asked if it was real, but he’s never answered that question.

When Jimin asks Yoongi if he wants to post the video of Jimin’s routine on his account, too, Yoongi has a feeling someone is going to ask about that. He’s never put his own face on his videos, and nobody else’s either. So he hesitates to change that.

Eventually, though, he decides to do just that. Jimin’s face becomes the first, and only, one on his channel. He asks his mods to be extra strict about the comments, on it, because of that.

Unfortunately for Yoongi: with any harmful words eliminated the comments that remain are still thing’s Yoongi doesn’t find he likes to read. Though he agree’s with a lot of them, there’s an odd weight in his chest as he reads them. Questions- mostly jokes- about if Jimin is the person the song is about. Comments about Jimin himself- positive, if a bit too much in some cases- that Yoongi both agrees with and doesn’t want to read. A few comments of people who recognized Jimin, immediately, and fewer still that didn’t read the description- or the title card, for that matter- who ask if Jimin is Yoongi.

They aren’t bad. They shouldn’t bother him.

Yoongi messages a link to his version of the video to Jimin. Says, “I think my commentators like you more than me,” and tries to tell himself that’s all there is to it.

Jimin responds, “you should see the comments on my post of it,” and gives Yoongi a link to that. Which leads Yoongi to seeing more of the comments that bothered him on his own upload, as well as a few about his song, from people who hadn’t heard it already. And, more unfortunately, means Yoongi now has access to- knows of- Jimin’s own channel.

Which leads Yoongi to watching nearly every one of Jimin’s videos over the course of the next two days.

He’s not proud.

It’s a day of sun, in between their current season of rain, one Sunday when Yoongi has to work. The work day drags on, especially with the ever-present thought reminding him he needs to go shopping, today. Has gone far too many days without proper food in his house, for someone with a job, and who will have enough for his next rent payment, even after buying food.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity- the low number of customers leaving him bored more than stressed- Yoongi’s shift ends, and he makes his way to the store. Despite being- in name- a grocery store, Yoongi find a stand selling umbrellas, right near the cash registers. Ignores them- he has an umbrella, already- and returns to his shopping.

Then, as he gets everything he needs, he finds himself reaching for his phone. Sending a message that, generally, isn’t a big deal. “Did you ever replace your umbrella?”

“no i havent had the chance :(“

So Yoongi happens to pick up an umbrella, on his way to the register. Happens to buy it, and bring it home. And when he’s finished putting his groceries away, he picks up the new umbrella- it seems about as sturdy as his current one- and makes his way out of his apartment. Makes his way to the door of his neighbor apartment, and knocks for what he thinks might be the first time.

Jimin opens the door, looking as surprised by this as Yoongi feels with himself. Then, after a pause, Yoongi holds out the umbrella, not looking directly at Jimin. “I owed you, for mine.”

“Oh.” Jimin takes it, surprise evident in his voice. Probably on his face, too, were Yoongi to look. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.”

It’s raining when Yoongi leave the convenience store. The warmth from his coffee does nothing to ease the cold of the rain, as he steps outside. He fumbles to open his umbrella, clumsily, and looks back inside to see the cashier- a young woman cursed with the words disappointing and boring carved across her cheek- trying not to laugh at him. He looks away, hiding under the umbrella. The red of the umbrella is faded, slightly, but it still blocks the rain- and the remaining light of evening- from him just fine. Yoongi holds his coffee closer to his chest, and moves to start his walk home.

“Yoongi!” And he stops. Turns to see Jimin run to meet him, mint green shading him from his own umbrella.

“Oh, Jimin.” Yoongi’s tone remains neutral, despite the vague feeling of nostalgia in his mind. It’s not been nearly long enough to be feeling nostalgic. Only a year. It’s only been a year.

“It’s raining again.”

“I noticed.” Yoongi offers a smile, then looks away from Jimin, when the other returns it. “When is it not?”

“Summer?”

“You got me there.” Yoongi looks back, Jimin is still smiling, his heart twists. “Heading home?”

“After a quick stop.” Jimin motions into the store. “Would you… like to walk with me?”

“Yeah, sure,” Yoongi says, without thinking. Jimin grins, folds his umbrella, and rushes inside. It’s only a minute, before he’s rejoining Yoongi outside. He returns with a bag of bottled coffee.

“Roommate,” Jimin offers as explanation.

“Of course.”

They head back, together. Make their way upstairs, to their floor, together. Stop outside Yoongi’s door to say bye to each other.

Before Yoongi had met Jimin- before Yoongi had met Namjoon, or Seokjin, or Hoseok- Yoongi was gifted thirteen scars. Had yet to have I know or disappointing carved into his skin. What he did have was Nobody. Etched onto his chest is curved writing- handwriting- so much like the writing of the person who gave it to him. Seeing it, alone, Yoongi thinks people would misunderstand. Assume it meant- assume it hurt because of- something else.

“You’re such an asshole. Nobody is ever going to love you.” Given to him by the first person he’d ever thought he loved.

Yoongi doesn’t remember what they felt like. What being in love with them felt like. It was different, distinctly, from what he thinks he felt for Hoseok. But he doesn’t remember how he felt then, either. Knows he loved, but not what they felt like.

Nobody, from the person who would never love him. I know, from the person he couldn’t love back.

It’s too obvious, the title. Rainy Season. Too obvious, the words. If I was someone else, could you love me. Would you know I loved you.

It’s too obvious. Yoongi doesn’t publish it, though he gets as far as uploading the video. Stares at the make public button until his eyes hurt, and closes the window. It’s far too obvious. Jimin hadn’t realized, after the first song, but surely he couldn’t miss the obvious if he heard this one.

It’s too obvious, so he doesn’t post it. Doesn’t send it too Namjoon, and certainly not Hoseok.

“I wonder if it would have made me happier, or not.” Jimin had said. If not having scars from the words- or living in that world, where no one did- would have made him happier. They still would have hurt, but would it have changed something, not having them? Not knowing they were there, carved into his skin.

Yoongi had said they’d probably still hurt, even if they weren’t scars. He doesn’t look at his, after all, but they still hurt. Knowing they’re there, still hurts, but maybe they’d hurt less if they weren’t there at all. Yoongi somehow doubts it.

“Are any of your words still…fresh?” Yoongi asks, one day. They’re walking back, again, together. He doesn’t know how else to phrase it. The scars fade, the less you think about them. Fade into slight marks, the less they hurt. The more they mean to you- the more they hurt, the more you believe them- the more they look recent. Red, raw, like they were freshly carved.

Jimin stares at Yoongi, wide-eyed, and hesitates to answer. The longer the silence, the more Yoongi regrets the question. Moves to say Jimin doesn’t have to answer, when Jimin responds. “All of them.”

All of them. From childhood, until now. All of them. Yoongi slows to a stop. Most of his scars have faded. Most of his scars he can ignore, if he doesn’t look at them. “All of them?”

“Yeah?”

“How…many is that?” It’s too personal a question. Yoongi shakes his head, before Jimin can answer. “No- sorry- that’s not any of my business.”

Jimin nods, and they return to a walk. It isn’t until they’re on their floor, that Jimin speaks again. Just as Yoongi opens his door. “Thirty.”

“What?” Yoongi spins, quickly, and Jimin gives him a weak smile.

“I have thirty.”

Jimin returns to his apartment, while Yoongi stares. Unable to move, unable to breathe. Thirty. Yoongi has fifteen, and Jimin- sweet, talented, nice, genuine Jimin- has thirty.

It isn’t fair. The world, life, the way scars work. How true they are, who said them, how much they’re deserved- none of it matters. The scars are based on how you perceive the words. How you feel about them. How you’re hurt by them.

So people like Jimin have thirty and people like Yoongi have fifteen.

Yoongi repeats this sentiment later, muttered, not really expecting Jimin to have anything to say about it.

“But you don’t deserve yours, either.” And it’s so simple, the statement. Breaks Yoongi from his thoughts of the world being unfair for a moment, as shock hits him horribly.

“What?”

“You don’t deserve your, either.” Repeated, with more force, the words make Yoongi’s chest hurt. Because he doesn’t know if he believes them- doesn’t know if he can- but, yet, he easily believed the ones carved into his skin.

“Oh.” Yoongi leans into him, when Jimin wraps an arm around his shoulder. “Thanks.”

“I’m just being honest.”

Yoongi posts the un-posted song that evening. Doesn’t read the comments, even a week later, and doesn’t read his texts, either. Leaves early for work, returns late, to avoid facing Jimin.

Yoongi can’t avoid Jimin forever. They have mutual friends, live in the same apartment complex, and know each other’s schedules too well.

Jimin is sitting outside his apartment, when he returns home. Yoongi can’t turn around and leave, since Jimin sees him, so he approaches. Sits next to Jimin, outside Yoongi’s apartment, and breathes a sigh. Finally, he speaks, softly, “Hey, Jimin.”

“Hey, Yoongi.”

“What’s up?” He can’t muster false casualness, so Yoongi’s words hold all the anxiety he feels. Jimin hums, lightly.

“I heard your song.”

“Figured.”

“It’s lovely. Kind like the last one? Not really your usual, but nice.”

“Thank you.”

“You… can just be you.”

“Huh?” Finally, Yoongi faces Jimin. Jimin, who smiles, stands, and offers Yoongi his hand. Pulls Yoongi to his feet, as Yoongi struggles to process the words.

“You can be you, and I’ll understand.” Jimin pauses, looking away. His own embarrassment is enough to make Yoongi less aware of his own. “And I’ll- and I can- you can be you, and I’ll love you.”

“Oh.”

“I didn’t- uh- horribly misunderstand, did I?”

“No- no you- that’s- you got it.”

Besides comments questioning Yoongi recent change in lyrics, most of the comments are positive. Yoongi doesn’t look through them as much as he usually does, before he finally reads his texts. They… are about what he expects, too. Support mixed with a slight amount of teasing. Which becomes a lot more, when he tells them about what’s happened since he posted the song.

It’s raining, as Yoongi leave the convenience store. The rain is supposed to let up, but at the moment it gives no signs of stopping. It’s cold- cold enough the hot coffee in his hands doesn’t help much- as he waits outside of the store, umbrella at his side, as he stands under to the awning. Yoongi pulls his jacket tighter around him, and turns in the direction he knows Jimin will arrive from.

A few minutes later than usual, Jimin jogs up to the store, closing his umbrella as he steps under the awning. “Hey!”

“Hey,” Yoongi greets, in return.

“Sorry I had to talk to my professor.”

“It’s fine.” Yoongi shakes his head, and holds out his hand to take Jimin’s umbrella. Jimin gives a small thanks, before heading into the store. Yoongi turns, watches Jimin grab coffee, and make his way to the register. When Jimin turns around to leave, the cashier meets Yoongi’s eyes with a knowing smile that forces Yoongi to turn back around.

Jimin takes his umbrella back, when he exits, and opens it as he steps out from the awning. Yoongi takes a step forward, and is pulled under it before he can open his own umbrella. “Let’s walk together.”

“We were already going to do that.” Yoongi rolls his eyes, but steps closer, under the umbrella.

“It’s raining,” Jimin says, lightly.

“I hadn’t noticed.” Yoongi’s sarcasm gets a short laugh from Jimin. “Summer’s soon.”

“Finally.” Jimin breathes a sigh, his exhaustion with the rain clear. Yoongi feels all too fond. “We should do something.”

“What’s that?”

“I don’t know. Go to beach?” Yoongi blanches at the suggestion, and Jimin laughs at him. “Scar covers exist.”

Yoongi knows that, but he’s never had to bother with them. Scars easy enough to hide without them. Still, he looks a Jimin- lightly smiling and seeming unconcerned despite what Yoongi knows of Jimin’s worries- and sighs. “Okay, sure, I’ll think about it.”

“That’s basically a yes.”

“It is not.”

“It is. You love me, you’ll give in.”

“Don’t go using that power for evil all the sudden.”

“Me? Evil? Never.”

“If you say so.”

A little over a year ago, Yoongi barely knew Jimin. A year ago, he and Jimin became friends. A month ago, they started dating.

The rain let’s up, two days later. The words Nobody and I know, are faded next time Yoongi looks. Barely visible. Yoongi leaves the red umbrella on his counter, as he leaves the house to go shopping for scar covers with Jimin.

#yoonmin #romance #skin deep reality au #completed #oneshot #marylynnwrites #PG RATING #i dont remember how to tag things fuck/#cursing

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rabidsquabbiteldewrito · 5 years

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ElDewrito: The Future of the Mod, And our Involvement with 343 on MCC PC.

Note: It’s been 10 months since our last blog post. The purpose of this post is to clear some confusion, correct some incorrect information floating around regarding ElDewrito, and update everyone on what we’ve been doing since last April. It’s been a roller-coaster of events since then. There are some things I can not speak about, such as features or scope of MCC that have not already been publicly announced/discussed by 343, but I’ve been granted permission to speak about certain things, including any meetings that took place that were not under NDA. But first....

Some Thanks Are in Order

There are so many people who’ve helped the team along the way to make ElDewrito what it is today. As of the time of writing of this post, ElDewrito players have played over 1 million games since 0.6′s launch; 1,101,115 games to be exact. We have been humbled by the support of the players, the creativity of the forgers who have made amazing maps, and the hosters who have kept a steady supply of ElDewrito servers to play on.

Thanks to the previous ElDewrito devs who are no longer active. The groundwork you layed out gave us the means opportunity to deliver 0.6 successfully.

The server hosts who volunteer their own hardware to keep plenty of ED servers up. The ElDewrito team does not host a single server - All are ran by you, the community. An extra special thanks to those that are hosting the ranked and social servers.

Thanks to all of the 0.6 testers. Over 3000 full-lobby test games were played prior to the launch of 0.6, and without this extensive testing, 0.6 could have been 0.5 all over again.

The forge map makers who put in countless hours recreating maps as well as designing completely original maps. We’ve been extremely impressed with the creativity this community has.

Despite the posts saying goodbye to ElDewrito and the thanks we are giving out, do not be mistaken; the mod is not dead, nor is it inactive or going away. In fact, it’s the most popular it has been in many many months. Within the reddit post, I have made a comment regarding some statistics detailing the million+ games played.

Our Involvement with 343

On April 24, four days after we released 0.6, the few of the more active members of the ElDewrito team met with certain 343 employees and other members of the Halo Universe, including Frank O’ Conner, the Halo Franchise Development Director. Our initial meeting, which was not under NDA and therefor did not touch on the topic of MCC at all, was about ElDewrito and a simple request that we pause development. After the success of our 0.6 release, where we had 12,000 concurrent players, they were professional, impressed, congratulatory, and even sympathetic and apologetic about the unfortunate circumstances surrounding Microsoft issuing DMCA takedowns against Halo Online and Twitch Streamers. They publicly released this statement:

“One thing remains clear – the community really wants more Halo on PC. As we look ahead, we’re very excited about the prospects of an official classic Halo experience making its way to PC and we hope to be able to partner with the ElDewrito team and broader mod and content creation community to help inform the types of experiences and features our fans desire. While we have nothing to announce today, please know that the PC community is very important to us and top of mind as we work towards the future. “

They mentioned to us that our success with ElDewrito lit a spark and we were told it "gave us a kick in the pants”. MCC has obviously always been planned to eventually be on PC, but was never on the current roadmap. So while ElDewrito is not responsible for MCC coming to PC, it is responsible for it coming to PC right now. So for that, the ElDewrito team would like to thank you, the community, for spreading the word, playing ElDewrito with such positive reactions, and enjoying the game we poured our hearts and souls into; ElDewrito is what set MCC PC in motion.

After that initial meeting, our small group of 5 met on occasion with 343 to discuss their future plans, gather opinions, and discuss and how they would like us to be involved in MCC on PC’s development. We have been acting as an advisory board prior to the Halo Insider program to help them shape the MCC experience. While we were brought in by 343 for our particular set area of expertise, we unfortunately have not been actively doing any technical work with them for some time now due to our area of expertise (modding) not being needed at this time. However, as Ske7ch/343 bublically mentioned in the Reddit AMA, modding is on the roadmap for a future time, and they have been focusing on bringing Halo:Reach into MCC. Here are a couple of questions you may have, which have been answered by 343 directly already.

Will MCC have modding tools and/or Steam Workshop support? And splitscreen?

“We are working closely with the members of the modding community (including some friends on the ElDewrito team) to explore our options for "official" mod support, but we won't have this at launch. Our #1 priority for launch is ensuring we get each of these core games "right" for PC and security/anti-cheat is a big focus. As we've stated, this entire offering will grow and evolve over time.”

So to reiterate, MCC will not have any sort of modding capabilities on launch, but they have stated that they want to add support later down the road, and plan to work with our team to achieve this.

What about forge/theater?

The initial launch of MCC will not include any forge or theater functionality. Again, as they stated in AMA, it is planned for later. Below is a quote from the AMA:

“Forge and Theater are awesome features but as we learned with Halo 5: Forge, these features require a lot of extra work and diligence to bring to PC - particularly with the complexities of M/KB and remappable key-bindings. With this in mind, Forge and Theater for Reach won't be ready at the same time as the MP/Campaign/Firefight experiences on PC. From a development perspective, it makes more sense for the team to tackle Reach's Forge/Theater a little later in the roadmap at the same time as Halo 3 and Halo 4 work.”

While we are beyond excited that MCC is coming to PC and this is fantastic news for all Halo Fans, many of us are a little disappointed in what is being offered on launch. ElDewrito 0.6 didn’t just attempt to bring a Halo game to PC, it brought it with a very fresh experience while keeping the Original, classic “Yep This Is Halo” feeling. An insanely enhanced forge, and a plethora of gametype and player trait customization never before seen in a Halo game. While we feel that this is a crucial aspect that should be included on launch to keep players interested with the limited initial content, we are very glad that modding support and forge are on the roadmap for a future time, and look forward to helping 343 shape this aspect of MCC.

There are a couple of tings we particularly commend/respect 343 for, including the following:

Learning from some of the mistakes of the Xbox One MCC. 343 has made it clear that this will be released “when it’s ready”, which is the same approach we had with Eldewrito 0.6. There won’t be a broken release followed by two years of silence with MCC PC; it will be released when flighting has proved it is ready to be released.

Increased transparency/communication with the player-base. This has been very important for the ElDewrito team and we are glad that 343 has gone to great lengths to keep the community updated with accurate information.

We are not at liberty to reveal anything else regarding our involvement with 343.

What are we doing now?

What any group of Halo Modders and reverse engineers would do. Continue to mod and reverse engineer Halo. Regardless of the future of MCC on PC, the team isn’t going anywhere. We’ve never stopped reverse engineering the game, engine, and resources.

Since last April, we’ve learned so much, and have been able to do some incredible things, some of which were thought to be impossible, and you will be seeing some of this work in the near future in the form of an update.

Bottom Line: This is in not in any way a goodbye. The ElDewrito team is not going anywhere, and you’ll be seeing a hell of a lot more from us in the future, whether it be in the existing ElDewrito mod, or MCC PC itself. As always, we will keep the community informed of our activities. Feel free to ask questions on the reddit post where this was linked. We will answer what we are allowed to answer. The future is bright my friends, and it’s time to be patient now. As for the ED team, "I think we're just getting started.”

Til next time (Soon™),

RabidSquabbit

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