#( the thing shes from made mE SO ANGRY AT FIRST BUT LIKE )

[eyelessfaces]

uncalled for

summary: you get quite upset when poe "saves" your assigned mission by giving orders to your teams without consulting you; poe is determined to fix his mistake.

warnings: (public) arguing, talks of the future; family and having kids

tags: gn!reader, angst, being parents to bb8, fluff, this ends up being real sweet tbh

word count: 1.7k

masterlist | taglist | ao3

updates blog: @eyelessupdates

(uh yeah I'm back if you even noticed I was gone lol. I might just post this and disappear again for a little longer idk but anyways I'll explain the reason whenever I'm back for good; I'm okay don't worry, and I'm still gonna post fics don't worry it's nothing too serious fr)

It causes a disruption when you both barge into the hangar; despite the constant clattering and whirring of tools and material there, both your bitter shoutings have been overlapping the sounds ever since Poe started following you closely, right from the moment you hastily jumped out of your x wing to try to forget about the awful management of your mission that would probably cost you to never get to lead one again. 

“It was my call, not yours” you affirm bitterly, voice dripping with resentment, your steps heavy and hurried as you try to shake Poe off but he is anything if not persevering, so it only manages to piss you off even more and fuel your frustration. “I didn’t need you to save my mission or whatever,” you exclaim, causing heads to turn as you walk across the large room, barely minding what is going on around you. 

“I did because I knew it would work!” Poe tries to explain, still heeling you closely. “I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t sure it would be successful” he declares louder than he needs to, thrown off when you suddenly stop in your steps, turning to him.

“So you think you can make decisions for me? You think I can’t do it, can’t command a mission correctly?” you rhetorically ask, revolted, sighing a profanity under your breath before you storm off again, your steps resonating with frustration. Poe sighs and winces before he follows you again, taking a hold of your arm.

“Babe come on you know that’s not–”

You stop again, your patience running short. “You had no right to encroach on my orders, I knew what I had to do, and you stepping in with your own instructions could have blown the whole mission up!” you call out, pressing a finger to his chest. 

It’s when you finally take a moment to take a look at his face that you realize it, what is going on; you are being the center of attention, the little show everyone stopped their current task to sit and watch, your every word carefully awaited by your unwanted audience. 

You sigh softly, taking a moment to step back from the situation. “Now leave me alone before we embarrass ourselves further or before I tell you things I don’t really mean just because I’m angry and don’t wanna talk to you” you hiss softly before leaving Poe in the middle of the busy room where he watches you walk away, helplessly standing there. 

When he looks around him, most people turn away and avert their gazes to pretend they haven’t witnessed anything, and Poe is well too aware of the tension still lingering in the air even as you exit the room.

When Jessika climbs down from her ladder after watching the scene from her cockpit, BB-8 rolls over to her and chirps sadly, having observed yours and Poe’s argument from afar just like most of the hangar after his master went running after you. She kneels down to the droid’s level, giving him a sympathetic smile.

“That’s gonna be fine Beebs, they always end up figuring it out somehow” she affirms as the droid’s upper part sinks in distress accompanied by saddened beeps. Jessika can’t help but smile fondly at him and his obvious concern, at the fact that he quite literally acts like you are his parents.

—

A few hours have passed when Poe joins you again; you don't notice him at first, having made sure to get focused enough on your paperwork to forget about the whole situation and try to ease the frustration within you. It's only when you put your datapad down that you see him leaning against the door frame.

“You're so pretty when you're focused” he smiles gently when your eyes meet his figure, causing you to roll your eyes and reluctantly smile at his words despite your lingering frustration. 

“I’m still mad at you,” you sigh softly as you try to hide your slight smirk, gaze darting back down to enter numbers into your datapad.

He acknowledges your feelings with a nod, his lips pressed together in a tight line. “I know.” he admits, stepping into the room. “That’s why I’m here” You look back up at him, taking a deep breath as you set your datapad aside; despite the fact that everything he did since you wrapped your mission up got on your nerves, deep down you only wish for this to situation to get figured out and eventually be behind the both of you. You join him in front of your desk, leaning against it.

“I knew what I was doing. I was handling it” you affirm before he even gets the chance to do so much as open his mouth.

He holds a hand up to slow you down. “I know,” he nods understandingly. “I shouldn’t have redirected the plan, I should have trusted you. I was just afraid things would go wrong considering how it was all starting to go down so quickly” he explains. “I know I could have fucked it all up, everything you put in place so the mission could go right” you slightly tilt your head to the side in agreement. 

“And I know my move was probably a lot more dangerous than the plan you had in mind to make everything right but you know I would never put you or our teams in danger, only myself” he declares with a concerned nod, causing your expression to soften. “You, never. I would never risk it, no matter what” there’s a soft frown over his face as his eyes flicker with sincerity, his confession making your heart ache as it hangs in the air before he talks again. “And I never doubted your ability to command a mission.” 

You nod with a heavy sigh, acknowledging his apology. “I should apologize too. I shouldn't have lashed out on you like that either.” you admit and nod sheepishly, reflecting on your impulsive behavior. “I really wanted this mission to go right”

“For what it’s worth,” he starts with a small smile, trying to dissimulate a bigger one. “I talked about it with Leia and she thinks you did pretty good” his declaration doesn’t fail to draw an appreciative smile from you, one that makes him mirror your action. “And she thinks we would work great together”

“And I agree,” you reply, finally feeling a weight lift off your shoulders as the tension between you begins to dissipate. “We do make a good team.”

Poe’s smile widens, relieved to see you loosen up a bit. “Yeah, we do” he agrees with a small huff, stepping closer to you. “I just hate seeing you so worked up.”

You chuckle softly, shaking your head. “I hate getting worked up,” you scoff. 

“I’ll try to think about it twice next time,” Poe promises, reaching out to gently take your hand in his. “I don’t want to step on your toes or make you feel like I don’t trust you or your judgment.”

Your fingers intertwine with his, the warmth of his touch calming you further. “Well I’ll try not to snap at you,” you promise in return, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze as you let your head rest against his chest with a small, barely audible sigh. “Especially not in front of everyone,” you mutter, earning an amused chuckle from him. You melt into his touch as he leans to press a gentle kiss over your forehead, his hand that is not holding yours coming to wrap around you.

It is only after you pull away from his embrace and leave a chaste kiss to his lips that the corner of your eye notices a sort of spy in the corner of the door frame.

“What’s he doing here” 

Poe frowns before he turns around, huffing out a laugh when he notices BB-8 peeking out the door. “How long have you been here?” he jokingly scolds his droid that fully reveals himself now that he has been caught. “You know he doesn’t like when we fight” he softly sighs turning back to you, a mix of amusement and concern in his eyes before he looks at BB rolling over the both of you.

You shake your head, unable to suppress your smile at BB-8’s presence. “Very sweet of him to be looking out for us,” you start, reaching out to pat the droid’s dome affectionately. “But maybe he should learn not to eavesdrop.”

BB-8 chirps playfully, obviously pleased with the attention, seemingly eager to be a part of the reconciliation.

Poe chuckles, kneeling down to scratch behind BB-8’s sensor with a fond smile. “Yeah, yeah, we’ll work on that,” he says before glancing back at you with a soft smile. “He's our kid, he’s been worried sick about us, weren't you?” he turns to BB, who's beeping frantically in agreement.

You glance at him, then back at Poe, a softness settling in your chest at the sight of them together, your little family. “Our first kid, yeah” you smile softly, heart fluttering inside your chest.

“First? Meaning there's gonna be more?” Poe asks with a playful smile, getting back on his feet. He raises his eyebrows as he awaits your response, and you both laugh at the sudden change of atmosphere as Poe wraps a hand around you before pressing a kiss to your temple.

You huff out a laugh at his quick jump to conclusion, “I don't know, you're a pretty good dad to this one,” you shrug.

“A couple hours ago I was dead to you and now we're talking having kids” he laughs into your hair, a teasing tone in his voice. 

“You weren’t even close to being dead to me, you’re so dramatic Poe” you declare with a small scoff, poking his chest lightly. “That’s the reason Beebs loves you so much” you tease, making him huff out a laugh. “I’d say we should focus on surviving one parenting experience first,” you chuckle looking down at BB-8, nudging Poe playfully. “But who knows what the future holds?”

Poe grins, his eyes sparkling with excitement as his arm grasps tighter around his hold on you. “As long as I have you by my side, I'm up for anything babe.”

—

reblogs and feedback are extremely (I cannot stress this enough) appreciated!!

star wars masterlist: @lockleysgrl @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @anightshift @whatthefishh @dameronshandholder @campingwiththecharmings @mintgreen24 @spider-starry @jakecockley @cocodiem @spxctorsslxt @friedwings @luxisluxurious @stvnnie @dowbastan @il0vebeingdelulu @hammerhead96 @unear7hly

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron fic #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x y/n #poe dameron fanfic #poe dameron fluff #star wars #oscar isaac #oscar isaac characters #poe dameron angst

[ataraxiaspainting]

Can you write for black swan as a yandre?

Lovers Forever, Until The World Falls Down.

Yan Black Swan x F Reader.

Synopsis: Her tarot cards are just as well used to predict the past as they are to predict the future.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, manipulation, major spoilers for Honkai: Star Rail 2.0 and 2.1 Updates, implied stalking, and mentions of violence/character deaths.

Word Count: 1.3k.

*~*~*~*

When Black Swan’s eyes first lay upon you, she has multiple impressions of you.

The Remembrance has caused her to have manifolds of judgments, some lapses and others more thorough. But never once did the Remembrance ever cause her to be so deeply enveloped in someone that she would proudly showcase what Fuli has blessed her with.

She knows what you are, all of you. Your past, present, and future… all of it is seen within the eyes of the Garden of Recollection.

It is only natural for her to want you to know her as much as she knows you. With social creatures comes the need to connect. When it comes to Black Swan, her wants and her needs are equally important, and thus she has no need to separate them.

“What brings you to me, fair maiden? What ails you?”

The only sounds that arise from you are slight grumbles, and the only fresh sights she has of you are fading tear stains on your cheeks. As a response, she repeats her words softer this time, crosses one of her legs over the other, and rests her head on one of her gloved hands.

“I want…” You start, clenching your nails into your palms so deep they almost bleed. “To know the… thing that killed my friend, Memokeeper.”

In her other hand are a few of her beloved tarot cards, tucked so lovingly between her pointer and middle fingers. 

“Ah,” Black Swan lets out a sigh so gentle you do not hear it. “I presume you are speaking of Miss Robin?”

You nod, looking down at your lap as she lays out the cards in a simple, singular motion on the table.

“Who else would I be talking about?” Your tone is that of an angry hiss, but she knows it is not directed at her. For you, you two had only just met. But to her, with the powers that come with the followers of the Remembrance, it feels like she has known you your entire life.

Black Swan’s gaze is all-seeing, and nothing that is not in the dark can be unseen once she has seen it–even when she wishes it were otherwise, like that dance she had with that Galaxy Ranger.

She wishes now that perhaps she was dancing with you instead.

“Pick a card,” The Memokeeper requests, her now free hand gesturing towards the sight she had just made. “We’ll continue from there.”

“Why?”

She shakes her head slightly as she closes her eyes for a moment. From that expression on your face, she can tell that you have to stop yourself from scoffing at her. “Just trust me; I don’t mean any ill will towards you… and nor will I harbor any.”

“I’ve heard odd things like this about you, Miss Black Swan, but I didn’t think they would have been true.” She knows the comment is not an insult, but it is not a compliment either. “Do people blessed by the Remembrance always act like this? I’m… just curious is all.”

When you point to the card on the center’s right. “Are you planning to replace me already? I thought we were getting along quite well…” 

She turns over the card as her palm faces you, and that causes you to loudly gasp. 

“The Eternal Freeze… Jarillo-VI.”

She turns over the card on the center’s left without asking you to pick another. She stifled a chuckle.

 “Cocolia Rand. A Silvermane Guard trapped in what looks to be a block of ice…”

One after the other, things are revealed. It is faster than either of you could catch your breath. It is faster than what you wanted it to go. It is not faster than the realization that hits when Black Swan connects all your memories into a perfectly completed puzzle.

“Stop it-”

“You have lost someone before, haven’t you?” She can imagine… no, presume, the suffocating atmosphere surrounding you, as you appear on the verge of gasping for air. “You couldn’t save them either… Am I right, Miss [First]?”

You don’t answer, but you don’t look angry anymore. Despite the venomous nature of her words, her tone manages to grow even gentler as she utters them.

“Despite everything you tried to do, you couldn’t save them… Who were they, if you don’t mind me asking such a thing, oh dear citizen of Belobog?”

You avert your gaze from her, once again opting not to respond. Black Swan patiently waits, arranging the cards in her hand to create a semi-circle. As a Memokeeper, she has acquired numerous lessons from the Remembrance, but the most valuable one is knowing the significance of patience.

The fingers that wrap around your own are both warm and freezing cold.

“My… partner.”

She tilts her head to the side, her lips pursing up into a kind smile. “Ah… I see… I didn’t know.” She lies. “I’m sorry for your loss. But… my apologies for saying this… if you couldn’t even save your partner from the blizzard, I believe you cannot avenge Miss Robin’s death.”

Your eyebrows simply furrow like she expected them to.

“For Peniconians, death is a grand illusion, a state of falsehood, something that is not supposed to exist within the Dreamscape… thus, something much more powerful than you or I or even the Family had to break the rules of the Harmony and become… well… Death.”

When Black Swan’s eyes look at new tears as they start to fall, she has only two impressions of you, the others fading away like an amnesiac’s memories.

“I don’t mean any harm when I tell you this. It is the truth, plain and simple.”

Her hand squeezes slightly against yours. Once again, you do not respond.

“You do not have to fight something you cannot defeat.” She scoots her chair slightly closer to your side of the table.

She is met by a few more moments of quietness before you ultimately choose to break the silence. “Her death will be in vain then. Just like theirs. I do not want to be a coward anymore.”

Another sigh escapes her lips, and once again it is not out of exhaustion but rather curiosity.

Her grin remains unwavering, just as she had taught herself to. “You were never a coward in the first place, dear.”

Black Swan continues to move her chair quietly, but not at all subtly, until your thighs touch hers.

“I really won’t be able to… at least help the Family?” You ask. “I am really not… useful?”

“You’re useful in other ways to the people you love and trust, and those who reciprocate.” Her initial judgment is that you require safeguarding from the dangers of the world. It is in your best interest, her best interest, to remain inside a safe and small space, as there is a risk of you inadvertently harming yourself while attempting to assist others.

“Am I?” You mutter, clasping your hands together. “Am I… really? People… really like me?”

She affirms with a slight movement of her head.

Black Swan's second opinion of you is that you pose too great of a risk to be released, as it would result in her being left alone without any chance of ever seeing you again.

It is selfishness that prevents her from showing the two remaining cards, both hidden elsewhere. One of which has the depiction of you dead, and the other has you smiling proudly as she watches from afar in hiding.

The Remembrance has taught Black Swan how to be many things, but it is Black Swan who has taught herself how to be selfish.

#i can fix her i swear #yandere #yandere x reader #aya abstractions #yandere honkai star rail x reader #yandere honkai star rail #yandere hsr x reader #yandere hsr #yandere black swan #yandere black swan x reader #black swan x reader #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #300 followers event

[slythepuffle]

Another one shot for @dismissivedestroyer’s Dexter Lives AU. Angst was requested and so angst ye shall receive. Plus it’s something that’s already been brewing in my mind. Set during Hollow Sorrows.

TW: Violence against people, Thoughts of Violence, Implied Character Death (If I’m missing anything please let me know)

He didn’t mean to.

That was the one constant thought running through Dexter’s mind as he sat in the front office, looking down at his feet. The principal was talking to his mom, he could hear them through the door, but his racing thoughts drowned out their words. They made him feel like he was underwater, drowning under them while muffling everything else.

He didn’t mean it – Yes he did – He didn’t want to do it – Yes, he did – It was an accident! – NO IT WASN’T– 

The door opened. He flinched, violently, before slowly turning his head. His mother stood there, her expression just… tired, as she looked back at him. Angry, no, furious, no, disappointed, maybe a little. But mostly… just tired.

He stood up quickly, mouth open to say something. “Mom–”

“Let’s go home, Dexter,” she said quietly, and his mouth snapped shut. He nodded quietly, shrinking under her gaze, and grabbed his backpack off the floor. They walked through the front office, Dexter trailing behind his mother, listening to the whispers around the office as they left.

“Did you hear what he did?”

“What an awful boy…”

“His mother should be ashamed of him.”

His shoulders jerked up to his red ears, grinding his teeth together, and digging his nails into his backpack straps. But he didn’t do anything, no matter how much he itched to do something. He was already in enough trouble as it was anyway. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else either.

The whispers lingered, long after they had left the office, now just sitting in the front seat of his mom’s car.

Dexter couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t bear to see her disappointment, her anger, her shame. He heard her sigh, and then – “So, what happened?”

He blinked, turning to look at her. She wasn’t looking at him, staring straight out the window, hands on the steering wheel. “W–What do you mean? D–Didn’t the principal tell you?”

“Yes, he did tell me,” she confirmed, turning to look at him. Again, she didn’t look mad – she should have been – just tired and expectant. “But, I want to hear it from you too. So, Dex, what happened?”

He looked at her, uncertain. What could he tell her? What should he tell her? A lie? Something to make him sound better to her, like what he did wasn’t wrong? His stomach churned at the thought – He couldn’t lie to his mother.

“I–I did hit the kid,” he mumbled, sinking into the seat. “B–But I didn’t mean to hurt him! I swear I didn’t. I was just… upset. He put spiders in my locker.”

That had been the main reason. The kid was a bully, but had gotten away with things before because he was the teacher’s son. Dexter was his main target for a long time already, and this incident just pushed him over the edge.

But there was another reason. One that scared him.

After he first hit the kid, he felt a sudden, almost euphoric rush. It was… pleasing, to see him hurting and crying after what he did. But then, Dexter kept hitting him. He hit him and hit him and hit him, until the kid’s face was bloodied and bruised.

And some sick part of himself had liked it.

Dexter had liked watching him bleed and had especially enjoyed being the one who caused it. But he also hated it. It felt wrong, to see the other kid in tears, covered in his own blood. But he continued to hit him, up until a teacher pulled him away.

It was worse when he was sitting alone in the office, after the initial rush had faded away, leaving him guilty and scared of himself.

What would have happened if the teacher didn’t stop him? How far would he have gone? Would he have hit him even after the kid no longer moved? Until he was covered in the other’s blood, fists bruised by how many times he threw a punch?

Those thoughts made him sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to hurt other people, he really didn’t. He just… did. And he had enjoyed it, in the moment, which made him feel even worse.

Dexter felt himself tear up at the memories and thoughts, turning away from his mother in shame. What would she think of him, if she knew what was going on in his head? Would she still consider him to be her little boy?

Would she hate him?

Michelle looked at her son. He was so grown, almost thirteen now. But, to her, he was still her little boy, the one who she hugged whenever he was cold. She knew that he would never hurt anyone without purpose or a reason, regardless of what other people said. He was always striving to be a good kid, never realizing that he already was one.

Her gaze softened, and she leaned forward, pulling her son into a hug. Dexter flinched, surprised. “M–Mom?”

“What you did was wrong, Dex,” she said firmly, pulling away. She held him by the shoulders, looking him in the eyes. He shrunk under her eyes, but listened as she continued. “Hurting people is wrong, you and I both know that.”

He shrank away, looking away. She smiled, soft and sad, adding, “But, I also know that you didn’t mean to hurt that boy. Despite what everyone else may say, I know that you, Dexter, are a good kid. You make mistakes, like everyone else does, and you learn from them.”

Dexter blinked at her, eyes wide behind his glasses. He hadn’t expected that. He had expected anger, disappointment, frustration. Not… not this. “What if… what if no one else sees it that way? ”

“Even if no one else sees the good in you, I always will. I’ll always love you, for all the flaws that you may have and the mistakes that you make. And I’ll always be there for you, Dex.”

He could feel his eyes watering but he didn’t want to cry. “Promise?”

Michelle smiled at him, soft and loving. “I promise.”

He couldn’t hold them back – Tears welled up in his eyes as his mother pulled him in close, as he buried his face in her shoulder and sobbed. They hugged each other tightly, just sitting there in the school parking lot, crying until his eyes were red and puffy. When they pulled away, he could see her eyes were shiny, even if she was smiling brightly.

“Alright, enough of the waterworks. We’ve cried enough for today. Wanna go get ice cream?”

He rubbed his eyes, shooting her a watery grin. “Heck yeah!”

~~~~

Dexter let out an angry hiss as he pressed a hand to the newly bandaged wound on his side. Shoulda gone to Patty, she was better at this than he was. “Fucking cultists… ”

He had been hanging out with his honorary nephews earlier, walking them around town along with Father Gregor when he had suddenly been called away. Apparently, there was an infestation somewhere away, just on the outskirts of town. Far from his usual route, but nothing too straining. He knew the kids would be safe with the priest, so he left them with promises to hang out later once he was done.

Except, he wasn’t able to do that.

The call was a trap. When he arrived, the house was empty and when he turned around, he was immediately stabbed in the side. Luckily, he reacted quickly, twisting the knife out of his side and returning the favor on the red-robed psycho that jumped him. He kicked the bastard for good measure, then ran like hell out of there back into his truck.

The guy had tried to follow him, more of them emerging from somewhere in the house, but ended up eating the cloud of dust he left behind. Now here he was, sitting in his mom’s bathroom, bandaging up his wounds. He was glad she was out of the house – She would have freaked out when she saw him.

It was weird though. Her appointments usually didn’t take this long…

Suddenly, there was a loud sharp knock, coming from the living room. He peered out of the bathroom door, eyes narrowed behind his glasses. It couldn’t have been his nephews – The last time they were over, Skid had an allergic reaction to all the cat fur. It couldn’t have been his mother either – It’s her house, she would have the keys.

Dexter decided to go check it out, getting up off of the stool. Cats hissed at him where he walked, but he ignored them. It wasn’t worth it to bother them. Then, he opened the door just a crack, peering out of it to see who was outside.

“Father Gregor?” he asked, a bit surprised, before opening up the door more. The priest looked like he had been through hell, with his leg clearly bitten and bloodied. “Father, what happened to you?”

The priest’s expression was grim. “It’s been a long night, Mr. Erotoph. And many terrible things have occurred tonight.”

Dexter was immediately concerned. “Did something happen to the kids?”

Father Gregor frowned, but shook his head. “No, the children are fine. This is… another matter, I’m afraid.”

The priest reached into his pocket, pulling out something with a golden chain. He looked on, confused, as the man offered it to him. Dexter took it, feeling something round in his hands, and looked down at it. His heart dropped.

It was his mother’s locket, the one that held a picture of him. He ran his thumb around the edge, popping open it just to confirm. Once he did, he looked up at the priest. “Wh-Where did you get this?”

Father Gregor inhaled, standing up straight. “I am sorry that I have to be the one to inform you, Mr. Erotoph. But your mother… was in an accident, at the hospital. One of the staff had been possessed by a demon and she hadn’t known.”

The Father was speaking still, but Dexter couldn’t hear him. He was staring back down at the locket, static filtering out the words, growing louder and louder–

“I–I need a moment,” he interrupted, voice cracking. He knew it was rude, but he just– just– “Please.”

Father Gregor seemed to understand, nodding his head. “My doors are always open for you, Dexter.”

The man limped away, and Dexter shut the door, leaning against it. Now alone, his thoughts rushed forward, flooding his mind. Drowning out everything else–

She’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s gone she’s never coming back you’ll never see her again she’s never going to come home she’s never going to be able to hold you again she’s dead–

“Even if no one else sees the good in you, I always will. I’ll always love you, for all the flaws that you may have and the mistakes that you make. And I’ll always be there for you, Dex.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Dexter let out a strangled sob, clutched the locket hard to his chest, and dropped down to his knees.

She was gone.

#spooky month #spooky month au #Dexter Lives AU #spooky month dexter #spooky month michelle #spooky month gregor

[april-is]

April 24, 2024: How Can Black People Write About Flowers at a Time Like This, Hanif Abdurraqib

How Can Black People Write About Flowers at a Time Like This Hanif Abdurraqib

dear reader, with our heels digging into the good mud at a swamp’s edge, you might tell me something about the dandelion & how it is not a flower itself but a plant made up of several small flowers at its crown & lord knows I have been called by what I look like more than I have been called by what I actually am & I wish to return the favor for the purpose of this exercise. which, too, is an attempt at fashioning something pretty out of seeds refusing to make anything worthwhile of their burial. size me up & skip whatever semantics arrive to the tongue first. say: that boy he look like a hollowed-out grandfather clock. he look like a million-dollar god with a two-cent heaven. like all it takes is one kiss & before morning, you could scatter his whole mind across a field.

--

From the poet:

“I was at a reading shortly after the [2016] election, and the poet (who was black) was reading gorgeous poems, which had some consistent and exciting flower imagery. A woman (who was white) behind me—who thought she was whispering to her neighbor—said ‘How can black people write about flowers at a time like this?’ I thought it was so absurd in a way that didn’t make me angry but made me curious. What is the black poet to be writing about ‘at a time like this’ if not to dissect the attractiveness of a flower—that which can arrive beautiful and then slowly die right before our eyes? I thought flowers were the exact thing to write about at a time like this, so I began this series of poems, all with the same title. I thought it was much better to grasp a handful of different flowers, put them in a glass box, and see how many angles I could find in our shared eventual demise.” —Hanif Abdurraqib

Today in:

2023: Lit, Andrea Cohen 2022: Meditations in an Emergency, Cameron Awkward-Rich 2021: How the Trees on Summer Nights Turn into a Dark River, Barbara Crooker 2020: Ash, Tracy K. Smith 2019: Under Stars, Dorianne Laux 2018: Afterlife, Natalie Eilbert 2017: There Are Birds Here, Jamaal May 2016: Poetry, Richard Kenney 2015: Dreaming at the Ballet, Jack Gilbert 2014: Vocation, Sandra Beasley 2013: Near the Race Track, Brigit Pegeen Kelly 2012: from Ask Him, Raymond Carver 2011: Sweet Star Chisel, Dearest Flaming Crumbs in Your Beard Lord, John Rybicki 2010: Rain Travel, W.S. Merwin 2009: Goodnight, Li-Young Lee 2008: Bearhug, Michael Ondaatje 2007: Meditation at Lagunitas, Robert Hass 2006: Autumn, Rainer Maria Rilke 2005: On Turning Ten, Billy Collins

#nature #poetry #poem #race #bipoc poet #hanif abdurraqib

[princessdarth-vader]

genuinely forgive me for spiralling abt this thing i just made up but the concept of rolling on the relationship track potentially giving people a stress token is making me want to see riz snap all the more. i think it would be so appropriate to the whole like "the moment he slows down he will break" thing for him to finish these huge challenges and successfully pass all of his classes for the year with flying colours and have a chance to take a breath and use that to try and, for the first time in months, reach out to his mother.

and then it just all comes crashing down and he takes a rage token and fights with sklonda and logically he knows that this rage isn't helping but he's so angry at this system that forces him to work himself to death and sklonda is just. there in the moment; a face for him to yell at. and even if it's not fair he can't control his anger. in the moment he suddenly feels much closer to kipperlilly than he ever has. who sees what she considers an unfair system, and is pissed at the people who enforce it and benefit from it.

idk obviously there are larger plans for the rage tokens as a whole (tying into ankarna, probably pushing them closer to like, being this corrupted being) but it would make so much sense for riz, after everything else has fizzled down, to just crash into a wall and break.

#fhjy spoilers #fhjy #riz gukgak #all of this said with the assumption that brennan will give them some way to work to repair whatever thing they broke #sort of depending on the thing. like an object can be worked on fixing in down time #and a relationship can be revived #but i just think a lot about the concept of sklonda trying desperately to reach out #and riz just being unable to meet her there for his own reasons #im an angst enjoyer at heart and i just think i wanna see riz be an angsty and angry teenager for once even for a bit #to be forced to actually talk to jawbone in a mechanical bid to salvage his relationship with his mum

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

So, I'm curious: What's your take on Aylin's experience after/if she kills Lorroakan?

Allegedly, there's some information floating around somewhere that said Aylin was angry with Selune after she killed Lorroakan, but I can't find where this info is.

If you saw posts about that here on tumblr it was probably posted by @justanotherignot! I've actually been meaning to gather up all the devnote tidbits about Selûne from Aylin and Isobel for a while now, so thank you for the excuse to do so and ramble a bit.

Player: I was just wondering what it was like in that cage of Balthazar's. Aylin: Let us not dwell on those dark days. Their memory is a vortex within my heart that leads directly to the Hells.

What is happening is, well, it's the century of unthinkable horror catching up to her. It's the Trauma(TM) - in one of the conversation options she's literally triggered by the mention of someone being run through repeatedly! It's the growing awareness that although she's been freed (and possibly reunited with her love), the secret is out and there are always going to be assholes gunning for her, aiming to use her as an "artefact" and power source to fuel their ambitions, without any regard for her, you know... basic personhood and well-being. Also, Lorroakan was blatantly lying. He didn't find any super special way to siphon her immortality with "no harm, no pain of any kind", he was just replicating Balthazar's soul cage (you can even find a letter from Ketheric to him, showing Lorroakan was pestering them).

On to the stuff from the game files! First, the conversation with Aylin directly after the Lorroakan fight in the tower. I'm going to be putting the context notes in square brackets next to the lines they apply to. I also plucked some audio out from the files for some of these because I love the delivery.

Aylin: The fire-haired fool is dead. Yet as I stare upon his corpse, I feel… sadness. Why? [Slow and curious, angry and confused by all that has happened.] Player: What kind of sadness is it? / I know something of sadness - or at least the ballads do. What does it feel like? Aylin: A gripping in the chest. As though I'd lost someone, something. [Lost in thought for a moment; confused.] Aylin: A paladin's fatigue, no doubt. You were excellent in battle, as is your way. And I am proud to fight at your side. [Remembering herself. She is Dame Aylin.] Aylin: I will catch my breath, then to camp I will bring my bones. Moonmaiden be with you. Player: Smiting is a weighty duty - sometimes it can be tiring. / Perhaps smiting has lost its pleasures. Aylin: Say it can't be so. For I am Selûne's sword. And ever must be. [She means it, but on the periphery of her consciousness is a tiny crack. Wondering about her fate.]

The above never fails to get me - she is Dame Aylin! Sword of the Moonmaiden! Glorious immortal paladin, champion of a righteous cause! She smites evil-doers for breakfast, that's, like, her whole thing! What do you mean she can't just pick up where she left off and go about her merry smitey way? What do you mean the thing that is supposed to be the literal core of her entire being (forever) doesn't feel good and glorious anymore, but just makes her feel sad and empty? No, no, no, we can't have that.

Player: One of the greatest tragedies of revenge is that it can only be taken once. / Because you won't get to kill him again? Aylin: Perhaps. Yet if I could run him through a thousand times, I wonder-- [Lost in thought, she's been triggered to remember her own fate being run through over and over.] Aylin: Battle has tired my mind, made me susceptible to flights of fancy. You were excellent in battle, as is your way. And I am proud to fight at your side.

Aylin: I will return to camp shortly. I just need a moment to… to… [Lost in thought.]

She so very desperately needs some rest and a chance to come to terms with everything that happened and that was done to her. And it's clear it's going to be hard because she is defaulting to trying to deny anything is wrong, is clearly trying (and failing) to just be her old self immediately, has blatantly internalised a lot of that classic I Am A Sword stuff on top of everything (even though her mother is huge on free will and choice!), and is just really not well-equipped to handle any of this at all.

Next, this is the post-Lorroakan convo you get if you have both Aylin and Isobel in camp.

Aylin: Ah. Ally mine. We are reunited once more. [Warm, but drained. She's not feeling like herself.] Aylin: I was just regaling sweet Isobel with tales of our prowess. Isobel: Very impressive. Thank you for helping Aylin - that wizard sounded absolutely dastardly. [Good humored. Soft in tone. A little uncertain - she's not sure why Aylin isn't herself.] Player: My pleasure. He had it coming. Aylin: He did, and it came. Now, my friend: bask in your victory. I will do the same. Aylin: But fear not: when the time comes for you to face the foe of foes, Isobel and I will stand by your side. [Rallying her soldierly spirit, but still a little drained.] Isobel: We wouldn't miss it. Not for anything. Aylin: Go well, friend. We will see you soon. And with our great powers combined, this city will be saved. Player: Hopefully he'll be the last. Aylin: There are always more bastards behind bastards. But we will run through them all, each by each.

Player: I hope you can rest easy now, Dame Aylin. Aylin: I always do, with darling Isobel by my side. Aylin: Enjoy the spoils of your victory. Spin memories of Lorroakan's death in your mind like silkfloss.

If Isobel isn't there (meaning she died in Act 2), you get this version:

Aylin: Ah. Ally mine. We are reunited once more. [Warm, but drained. She's not feeling like herself.] Aylin: I was just reviewing our fight against foul Lorroakan; your moves and mine. The victory was soundly won. Aylin: Don't you think? [Uncharacteristically, Aylin is seeking input. She's usually so confident about everything, but killing Lorroakan has not had the intended effect on her.] Player: Indeed I do. Let his demise serve as a warning to anyone else who'd seek you out. Aylin: Let him be the last. If my dear mother has any mercy, she will ensure it. [Trying to stay her usual self, but her mask is cracking a tiny bit here. Privately, Aylin is dealing with a great deal of anger toward her mother, the goddess Selûne, But she's not yet willing to face it. How could her powerful mother let all this happen to her?]

Player: We fought well - though I was a little worried about you afterward, in truth. Aylin: Set your mind at ease, my friend. Dame Aylin is more well now than she has been this past century. [Good humored. Soft in tone. A little uncertain - it's true she's better now than she has been, but why does she feel so shitty, then? (She's in the beginning of reckoning with the trauma of what happened to her).]

Player: I hope you can rest easy now, Dame Aylin. Aylin: Yes. I wish for the very same. Aylin: Enjoy the spoils of your victory. Spin memories of our prowess in your mind like silkfloss.

So, a few things pop out for me here. First, you get the more explicit anger at Selûne if Isobel isn't there, as opposed to the "hahah, I will smite all the bastards who dare come after me, no matter how many there are" line. "How could her powerful mother let all this happen to her?" just... damn, hits hard, even if you subscribe to the theory that Selûne simply could not intervene in the Shadowfell imprisonment beyond sending those poor people whose graves you find in front of the mausoleum.

And here Aylin really lays it on thick with the denial that there's anything wrong at all. Combined with the letter you get from her in the epilogue if Isobel is dead, it just paints such a bleak, sad picture. I can just see her going all out on the Sword of Selûne duty-bound paladin side of things, no rest, no healing, no stopping even for a moment, no dealing with anything at all, from the trauma to the bitterness towards mum. Until whatever horrible breaking point comes, a year or a century from now. The need for Isobel's humanising influence is so clear. I've touched on Isobel's side of things here.

Speaking of having a bone to pick with Selûne, if you're playing as a cleric/paladin of Selûne, you can get some extra very honest dialogue with Isobel in Last Light:

Player: Why has the Moonmaiden waited until now to take an interest in this curse? Isobel: Maybe she was waiting for one of us to find this place ourselves. Free will, and all that.

Isobel: Though if it were my place to ask why she let Ketheric turn; why she allowed this village to rot at his hands - believe me, I would. [A cold edge in her voice]

Player: Are you faring all right? It can't be easy holding a lone candle in such darkness. Isobel: All things with her strength. You know the litany. [A little sarcastically. She's got a bone to pick with Selûne but isn't being too overt.]

Side note: the amount of devnotes for Isobel's lines that say she's delivering them "with swagger" and being "cheeky" makes me smile every time. Love her. Love her snark.

Also, to get it out of the way: no, I'm fairly sure Aylin did not break her oath. I see this brought up a ton and I just see no way for it to be the case. There is nothing to suggest this outside of a wording similarity and it just makes no sense. Girl is clearly some flavour of Oath of Vengeance (she uses Abjure Enemy, so this is the case even mechanically, even though she's obviously an NPC and not a standard player-build paladin) and she killed a very shitty guy who was also explicitly after her in godawful ways. You can do far worse things in the game than her dramatic speech and backbreaker and not break you OoV.

#sorry this took so long! #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #dame aylin #isobel thorm #lorroakan #datamine #voice lines #audio #i'm stopping myself here but i could go on about this FOREVER #time for the comfort part of the hurt/comfort let's goooooooooo #oathkeeper replies to things

[noddaduck]

What gets me about Kipperlilly is that while her trauma envy is messed up, she really is facing an opposite problem to the Bad Kids.

Some people on here are saying that if she wanted to go on big adventures she should have done it herself and not expected some kind of plot hook to give her an opening. But we are seeing how that is going for the Bad Kids this season, and it clearly sucks. Fabian went on his first date with Mazey, yet so much of that conversation and role play was still about the mystery and the mission. Gorgug lost a chance to spend time with his bio parents because he was trying to get into a really learning heavy class. The Bad Kids are such good friends, but they can only spend time together in shared classes or as part of the mission. Why would you expect that of anyone?

Most Aguefort kids aren’t going on big real-world adventures like the Bad Kids cause that’s literally being in High School while also working a full time career oriented job. And yet some of these kids know that this is all just leading up to that real job that they’ve never really experienced or seen proof that they could handle. Is it so weird for a child to want confirmation that they’ll be able to do all the things they’re supposed to do as an adult, especially when they are seeing other kids get that confirmation?

Riz isn’t strong because he suffered, he’s strong because he has an amazing mom he looked up to and learned from and who taught him. Having that vision of his own best self, not just a copy of another person but really something he loves that he was able to really learn thanks to the support he was lucky to get DESPITE his and his mom’s financial situation. He chased his own dream of being a master detective, of dishing out justice, and he got so good at it that it let him kill an ancient red dragon.

Personally, I was one of the smart kids in class, but I wasn’t one of the gifted and talented. One kid was working with circuitry in a class where I was learning about screws and levers. In a photography class I got paired up with a kid in a lower grade than me who full on made his own model rocket fuel for homemade bottle rockets. Combining that with having ADHD that nobody properly educated me about, I always thought I was just missing something. I’m taking my medicine, I’m going to class and trying to join clubs, why is it that every time I ask someone to teach me they don’t have time for a total beginner? Why is being my own teacher the only way to learn these things, and why can’t I do that if apparently everyone else does?

I just don’t blame Kipperlilly for being upset when she is presented with the Bad Kids as an example to follow despite the fact that neither she NOR the Bad Kids are given proper time to actually work toward that goal. The Bad Kids don’t actually have the time for adventures on top of their regular lives, but they are forced to do it anyway. Kipperlilly allowed for time so the Rat Grinders could have whatever their normal lives looked like, at least until they all were taken by Ancarna. If your choice is to either work yourself to death and be told you did the correct thing, or to take your time and be shown that you are wasting it, why wouldn’t you be angry?

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high #fhjy #fhjy spoilers

[supercalime]

I can’t believe I found people who think about this the exact same way as I do. I don’t get these hardcore buddie stans who suddenly try to make it look like buckTommy shipper are the toxic ones. I haven’t seen a single BuckTommy shipper who was rude without a reason (maybe a bit defensive about their CANON ship). Whereas I’ve seen plenty of incredibly toxic buddie stans who insult everyone who doesn’t ship their ship or share their opinions.

Another thing and don’t get me wrong Im not defending anyone. But I’ve seen many people heavily bullying the marisol actress because she’s apparently homophobic (not saying she isn’t or is) and wanting her to be gone beacause of this reason but totally ignore the alleged racism of ryan (again not saying he is racist or not, i dont know them personally) just because he is part of their beloved ship. By their logic Ryan should leave the show too.

Hey anon, it took me some time to answer your ask (chaotic life stuff lol) but I’m glad to finally have time to talk about this first part with you.

I’ll preface by saying I won’t get involved in actor drama, no matter how true or toxic it is because I don’t have enough information nor am I qualified to talk about the issues they mishandled. I’ll just say that, no matter who does bad things, they should be held accountable.

Okay, back to the main point: yes, it’s very strange how b*ddie st*ns are behaving towards the canon bi!buck thing. Both with people who ship bucktommy but also with the creators and actors on the show. Regardless if they are right or not about b*ddie being canon, this is not how you act with entertainment, specially with the people giving the content.

I hate to bash but it looks and sounds a lot like a toddler throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get a specific toy.

And toddlers only throw tantrums because they are brand new humans who are learning how to behave. They don’t know any better so they react with outbursts and repeated demands because it’s the only way they know to get the attention of the person taking care of them.

If I’m not mistaken, the main audience for the show is 18-45. NO ONE here should be yelling in comment sections “we want buddie! we want buddie! we want buddie!” as if they would immediately get it. It’s not how it works and it’s frankly embarrassing to see a bunch of adults acting like that for everyone to see.

And I can’t stress it enough, I’m not putting myself on a high ground here and saying I’m a better person by shipping bucktommy, as I’m sure there might be a percentage of fans out there being rude and annoying as well. But at least I’m keeping my conscience clear by not acting like me shipping two characters is something big enough in my life to ruin my enjoyment of a whole show in case my favorite ship doesn’t become canon.

I hate how fandoms behave as if they can have control over the content they are consuming. We aren’t entitled to anything and if there is supposed to be ANY discourse about which character was supposed to end with, that should happen AFTER the show ended! The story isn’t over yet! So why are b*ddie st*ns so stressed? If a show is making you this angry and demanding, please step aside a little, give it some distance because that’s not how consuming content is supposed to make you feel.

And I say that last part with sincerity because I too got way too involved with fandom discourse in the past, to the point that I had to distance myself from certain shows because being that involved made me upset.

Im just tired at this point you know. Im trying to protect myself as much as possible. Im not in the bird app, I don’t follow the show or the actors on social media, im avoiding interviews like the plague. All I want from this experience is to watch the show, gather my thoughts, form my opinions, log onto tumblr and reblog the cute stuff I see about my favorite ship without having to worry about whatever the hell is going on outside my pretty little bubble

#lety rambles #ask #911 #911 abc #bucktommy #tevan #firefly #firepilot

[prythiansfavoritefox]

The first time he went back --> Tamcien, ACOFAS

"Tamlin." Lucien's face was carefully neutral, his limbs loose, nothing in his scent or his body language giving away anything about how he felt to be standing before his once High Lord again.

"Lucien." Tamlin was relieved, at least, to see that his old friend had not adopted the Night Court fashion, opting for a blue and silver tunic instead. "I see you've been keeping this place clean in case I decided to come back," he said sarcastically. Then, there was a strong scent of rust and embers as Lucien began using his magic to move some things around. "There. At least it's somewhat livable now. Don't you have servants, Tamlin?"

Tamlin didn't fail to notice that Lucien called him by his full name rather than by his nickname. Lucien had called him Tam practically from the moment he'd arrived despite Tamlin's insistence that he show him the respect due of a High Lord, and decorum, blah blah blah. After some point, he stopped fighting it because he liked that Lucien had a special name only for him.

"Some. Most are too scared to question the state of the place. Many have left." Tamlin stared blankly at a wall. He had no fight left in him. All his anger had left him the moment he'd brought Rhysand back to life. There was no one left to be angry at. Nothing left to fight for.

Feyre had ruined him, and yet Tamlin had done that. Why? Why did he still love her? Why did it still hurt that she chose him? How long would she be able to hurt him?

As long as he loved her.

But how did he make it stop? How did he make this love go away, stop it from carving his heart out of his chest?

"You ignored me. After the war." That's what Lucien wanted to talk about? Surely he'd understood how painful it was to see him in Illyrian leathers, how painful it was to see him so quickly accepted as part of another group, how painful it was to see him away from him. For the longest time, Lucien had been his, and his alone. Now he had a mate and a whole other court and family. He wondered now if he had possibly taken Lucien for granted.

Well you know, Tam, there are several courts who'd pay an arm and a leg to have me working for them, so you'd better start listening to me more oft-

Little did either of them know how those words would turn out to be prophetic. Fitting, he supposed, with that seer mate of his.

"The sight of you in Illyrian leathers disgusted me," Tamlin replied dully. Lucien snorted. "What else was I to do? I didn't have anything else to wear; all my clothes were back here."

"You could've just stayed with me," Tamlin replied. A stupid thing to say, he knew, but he couldn't help it. Rhysand would never understand and appreciate Lucien's value like Tamlin could.

Lucien leaned back against a wall, putting his hands behind his head. "Right. And continue to watch you listen to the female who raped me over me, the person who not only loyally served you for centuries, but has connections to every damn court in Prythian. If I had a little more power, I could rule this whole damn place, I know so much."

Tamlin snarled. "Don't remind me of that. Believe me, I am well aware of my transgressions."

"Then surely you see why I had to leave. Even if my mate were not trapped in Night, your attitude would've eventually prompted me to leave."

My mate. The words sent shards of glass into his heart. "The mating bond is a curse," he rasped. It had to be. Why else would it mate his parents together, Rhysand's parents together, and his Feyre with Rhysand? Why would it mate Lucien with Elain, thus taking his Lucien away from him?

"The mating bond is a blessing from the Mother herself," Lucien insisted.

"Don't just blindly spit back the bullshit the temple taught you," Tamlin snapped. His claws emerged from beneath his skin, trembling rage filling his body. "God can offer us many beauties, sure, but we already know that She can also be cruel. Is it really so hard to believe that the mating bond is not what it's made out to be? Imagine a bond compelling you, forcing you to be with someone you don't want forever."

"Who said I don't want Elain?" Lucien whispered. Tamlin stilled. Those glass shards twisted in his heart a little bit more. "You think it's just a bond compelling me to stay with her? I thought you more intelligent than that, Tam." Tamlin squeezed his eyes shut, slumping against his chair. Heartbreak was all too familiar a feeling to him at this point.

"Look, Tamlin, I'm trying here," Lucien said, his voice sounding as though he were repressing some emotion. "I know it hurts, Tam. Please, let me help you. Don't push everyone away like you always do. Don't try to go it alone."

Tam.

As though drawn by a magnet, Tamlin's eyes lifted to Lucien's. The handsome lord stared at him with an earnestness that threatened to melt all that Tamlin was into nothing. He could never resist that soft look, and that wasn't about to change.

At last, he lost control. His shoulders caved in and he began to cry into his hands.

"Tam." Lucien closed the distance between them, kneeling before him. He placed his palms on Tamlin's cheeks, brushing away tears with his thumbs. "Don't cry," he murmured. "I'm here. I am here, I am with you."

Tamlin sniffed. "You should hate me."

His former emissary gently pulled him by the back of his head, pressing their foreheads together. "I know," he answered quietly. "But I don't."

He pulled away, offering a hand to stand up. "You look terrible, Tam. Have you been sleeping enough?"

Sighing, Tamlin shook his head. "Not really."

Lucien rolled his eyes. "Of course not. Go sleep, Tam."

Tamlin just crossed his arms over his chest, pouting. Lucien raised a brow at him, placing his hands on his hips. "Oh, I get it. You think because you're the High Lord, you can do whatever the hell you want. Well you know, Tam, there are several courts who'd pay an arm and a leg to have me working for them, so you'd better start listening to me more oft-"

The Spring Court lord grinned as the words sparked a far more pleasant memory of the two of them, leaping up in an instant. "As you wish, Lucien." The Autumn Court faerie smirked as he placed a hand on Tamlin's back, guiding him to the bedroom.

After tucking him in, Lucien was about to leave the room when Tamlin called out weakly, "Lu?"

He turned around, cocking his head. "Tam?"

Tamlin hesitated, a blush coming over his face. "Do you think- well could you...stay with me?"

Lucien sighed exasperatedly. "Just sleep, Tam."

"I can't. I've been trying for the past several days." Lucien took a deep breath, pinching his nose. "Fine. But don't expect to see me here when you get up."

"Ok." Lucien strode towards him and hopped onto the bed, leaning his head against the bedframe. Tamlin crawled towards him, placing his head on his lap. Lucien just scoffed.

"What are you, a six-year-old child?" he asked, but he ran his fingers through his blonde locks. Tamlin purred.

"After all this time, you still purr like a goddamn kitty cat whenever someone touches your hair," Lucien muttered, and those were the last words Tamlin heard before sleep overtook him at last.

#tamlin #lucien vanserra #tamcien #fanfic

[jewelryhut]

Invincible: Mark Grayson x FEM!reader

Firstly, I want to start by saying this: I had the first part written out perfectly, then Tumblr just suddenly exited out to my home screen. I wasn't able to safe it to drafts on time (cause I honestly didn't know that was gonna happen), so if the first part seemed kinda sloppy, you know why.

"I'm glad to see you're back here, Mark." The nurse greeted and gave her best toothy grin to the older male. The man, who had a bouquet of flowers, respond with a low chuckle. So low, you would assume he hadn't heard her. "Those flowers are for Ms. L/N?"

"Yeah," He rubbed the back of his neck as a nervous smile appeared on his lips. "These are my apologies for not showing up lately. Hope she doesn't get angry at me."

"I'm sure she won't be angry, Mark. Ms. L/N is kinder than you think. Although it's not my place to speak; you should know how amazing your grandma is, Mark." The man flinched at this. It was like a bullet piercing through his soul; It was something he couldn't dodge. He fixed a fake smile on his face to hide the disturbed one he had.

"I know she's kind. Too kind." With that, he bid the nurse farewell to meet with the patient.

His eyes came across many doors, but soon stopped at one he was most familiar with. His face was calm, but his eyes held fear. No, not because he was afraid of her, but because of the future after he leave her behind. What will life be like then? He groaned. He made sure his shirt was tucked neatly in his pants before walking into the room.

"Mark? Is that you?"

"Yeah. It's me." He quickly responded, making his way to the seat that was next to her bed.

"I'm was starting to think you forgotten about me." The older woman joked, which he laughed at.

"I'll never forget about you, Y/N." He leaned over to give the woman a kiss on the forehead. "I bought you flowers. "

The woman glanced at them, lips widen as she took in the sight of the beautiful plants. "Kee getting me these flowers, Mark and in here would be a garden." She joked, but Mark knew that she appreciated them anyways. "So..."

Mark gave the woman his full attention.

"How's Eve?" Mark knew where this was going and he hated it. He stayed silent, refusing to answer her. "Oh, come on. Has your lady magnet vanished? I would've assumed you'd have many women flocking over you."

"Yeah, Y/N, but—"

"But what? You're not thinking that we're still together, right?" The man stayed silent and Y/N sighed at this. "Look, Mark. I'm sixty-four and your twenty-five. It's not going to work out. You have a whole life ahead of you. Didn't you say you wanted kids? I'm sure it's still possible without me."

"Yeah, but I wanted them with you!" He stood up from his chair in frustration. "It's only because I'm half viltrumite that it's impossible to live a life with the woman I love. Dad was able to love mom, why can't I do so with you." Y/N stayed quiet as she listened to his rant. "I just.. I just..." He sat back down in defeat, placing his head tiredly into his hands. "I just really love you, Y/N. I really do."

The woman's eyes started to form tears at the man's words. "I know, Mark. I know." She then closed her eyes as she continued to speak. "But even so, Mark. You have to move on. Who knows when it'll be my last days on earth."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true."

The room went silent. Beeping noise from the machine was the only thing being heard. Mark's sniffing was just as loud as well. He tried to hold his tears back, but it was impossible. He didn't like the direction life was taking him. He didn't want this. At the moment, he wished he was born without powers, so then he and Y/N could live a life without worry.

"Um.. I'm sorry, Mark—uh, Mr. Grayson. Visiting hours are over. You can come same time tomorrow." The nurse from earlier entered the room, a small frown on her face at the sight before her.

"Yeah," The male only muttered. He stood up from the chair and began making his way out of the room. "I'll see you tomorrow." Y/N nodded in response at this and watched as her once in a lifetime lover left her sight.

———

Although it pained him, Mark decided to take Y/N's advice.

It had been a week since he had visited Y/N and during those days, he had went on a date with Eve, which Y/N was very excited about (he had told her during a phone call). Today, he was planning another date with the red head when he had gotten an unexpected call from the hospital.

"Mark? Hi, it's Annise from Silver's hospital and I called to let you know that—"

"Is Y/N alright? It has been awhile since I've last visited her. I hope she isn't too upset." He laughed, but was met with silence on the other line.

"Well, about that." The nurse was hesitant to continue, but she pulled through. "Ms. L/N has passed away. We really tried our best to—" Before the woman was even able to finish, the door to the hospital was bust open. Her eyes widen at the sudden sight of Mark. "M-Mark!"

"Where is she? Where is she?!"

"We've already placed her in the—"

"Let me see her!"

"Mark, please calm down." The nurse was panicky as she wasn't sure how to handle the male, so she opt to call for security.

"Please. You have to let me see her." Mark slouched his body as he allowed the security to take him away. "Please." Annise watched as the group of men took the pained man away. She felt terrible.

———

Mark, now thirty-five, stood before Y/N's grave with a somber look. Many years had past and if there was a way he could rewind time to prevent this from happening, he would, but sadly he can't.

"Daddy, daddy! Mummy told me to check on you." Mark removed his eyes from the tombstone and onto his daughter.

He smiled. "I'm doing good." He picked up his daughter, Terra, and gave her kiss on the cheek. "I'm just giving a gift to the dead."

"Do you know the dead?"

"Only this one." He answered and the girl stayed silent. Soon enough, Eve made her way to her husband.

"You ready to go?" She question, and yet, she knew the answer to that.

"Just.. Yeah. Let's go." He placed his daughter on the ground and took ahold of her hand, soon leaving the sight of the graveyard.

Placed on the tombstone was a familiar bouquet of flowers that Mark once gave to Y/N.

'You are loved and you will be missed.'

——

Let me know what you think?

Not edited

#mark grayson #mark grayson x reader #anime x reader #female reader #x female reader #x reader #invincible x reader #invincible #angst #y/n #mark grayson x female reader #fem reader #black tumblr #black author #fanfic #invincible comic #invincible show #invincible season 2 #invincible season 1

[youremyheaven]

Hello, seeing the conversation I'd like to share my own experience with a bharani native, one of my best friends was a bharani moon, venus and rahu stellium in the 2nd house. Shes very intelligent and talented in mathematics, she was popular in school, and someone always had a crush on her. She was never interested though, as she is aromantic and asexual.

I do not mean to bad mouth her or say that she is a terrible person, Humans are complex and I still have a lot of affection for her since we were best friends since childhood but our relationship turned sour similarly as others have expressed concerning bharani natives.

As soon as I hit a low point in my mental health, she started distancing herself from me. She was always very uncomfortable with expressing her emotions and even more so with handling others, but she basically abandoned me in my time of need. It was quite traumatizing and I honestly felt betrayed by her since we were so close. She herself admitted in the future that she did me extremely wrong, we reconnected for a bit, but her emotionally immature and uncaring, cold attitude and mentally persisted in our early young adulthood.

Me and her were also very close with a magha moon and rising girl, we were basically inseparable for years, but she started to treat her with the same coldness as she did me for seemingly no reason. She also did the same to my other pushya girl best friend for no reason. My magha best friend had a conversation with her and she thought they buried the hatchet, we invited her for our magha friend's birthday but she ended up canceling the exact same day citing a BS excuse. She continued to do this 3 more times for her birthday and my mother's birthday.

She was/is the easily bored, emotionally distant type, but we always worked around that in our dynamic, and this behavior was unacceptable. The last time she canceled coming to our friend's birthday, THE VERY SAME DAY, I finally snapped. I was just so upset at her dishonesty, because she clearly didn't want to go/didn't care, but she still accepted to go Everytime! It was like having a deadbeat father for a best friend! I was so angry cause I just wanted her to be truthful, wanted her to just admit she didn't want to go/didn't care for our friendship anymore, but she didn't even respond to that.

It was just very traumatizing to experience how someone you loved so much could stop loving you in an instant, made you wonder if they even loved or cared for you in the first place, the three of us were basically sisters, I always imagined her at my wedding, my graduation, my life.

So yeah, sorry for trauma dumping, but I think the casual coldness of bharani needs to be studied, cause why are some of them like that 😭

DUUUUDE 😭😭😭😭 i literally have two Bharani friends who are just like this lol 🥲ngl it did traumatize me at one point but then I stopped expecting anything from them and stopped reaching out and honestly it's all better that way. Tysm for sharing your experience because I thought having bad experiences with Venusian women (and mostly pleasant experiences with Venusian men) was a me thing 😬. I think people talk a lot about Venusian charisma, social charm and hospitality but forget to mention how cold, uncaring and insensitive they can be. I think it's one manifestation of Venusian refinement, they discard people who aren't doing their best or feeling their best. Absolutely not people you want to reach out to when you're in a tough spot bc they won't gaf 🥲. It hurt me a lot when I'd call them up (in my case, I was always there for her, hyping her, cheering her, being her shoulder to lay on) and they'd act disinterested when I'm literally talking through tears?? She straight up told me she's tired and wants to sleep lol and then said "you know I'm not the type of friend who can comfort you" like 🤧okay??? I felt really used in those friendships and betrayed as well?? I remember one time this friend who frequently visits my city to hang out with her other friends and never meets me (we went 3ish years without talking at one point) called me one night to make plans for the next day and the next day morning she said "oh I'm busy rn let's meet by noon" and then at noon said she had something else going on and then i said I'm not interested in meeting lol . She always told me she couldn't reach out to me cause of her phone/network/social media whatever random excuse and I believed her cause I wanted to and then I spoke to a dude who's pretty close friends with her and he told me about how they always met each other whenever she was in town and always hung out??? and he was sharing stories of times they spend together and I was so?? shook?? like the same person who cannot reach out to me is hyperconnected to some random guy ?? My other Venusian friend told me she stopped talking to her close friend after she started experiencing health issues and then got surgery??? I do think Venusians only want to stick around for the good times, they're like "party friends" but they're completely unreliable when it comes to anything that isn't fun for them. Venusians are the type to treat people as disposable and then get mad when others treat them that way lol . They're used to believing they're irreplaceable but truth be told, everybody can be replaced esp toxic, rude and negative people. I think I strongly dislike Venusian women bc they're so absorbent?? They love to take from others without giving in return. But it's interesting to me how Venusian men are the opposite?? They love to give endlessly even tho they do expect their partner to match their energy and be receptive to them and not shut them out?? It also makes sense as to why Venusian men are drawn to Venusian women bc the women can be pretty self absorbed and draw in their energy. They're good at receiving without guilt or remorse, they receive like that's what God made them to do.

Edit: a girl in college who "discarded" me has Saturn in Bharani atmakaraka lol, astrology never lies

[pepprs]

lol the absolutely MORTIFYINGGGG ordeal of the situation i just got myself into. god

#purrs #delete later #bc it feels stupid / immature to immediately turn around and explain the situation in detail on tumblr after sending the email i just sent b #but basically. sigh. i went to the thing this morning and the student i went to support did AMAZING but / and her whole story was abt like. #finding her independent self and claiming it despite her family suppressing her which is.. extremely similar to my story. and i made a #social media post abt it on our work account and put one of her quotes abt experiencing freedom in the description and she just emailed me a #askkng me to remove the quote from the post bc she’s scared her parents will see it and get upset / angry. and i removed it immediately snd #it’s fine now but i feel HORRIBLE. i should’ve checked with her first. and i knew better like it actually did occur to me that that would be #a potential issue but i did it anyway and like… it especially is shitty of me bc i literally have the exact same situation going on at home #i know what it’s like to be one person everywhere but your house and to always fear what your parents are seeing you say about them and it’s #like if i know that experience so intimately and know the consequences that come from them… why did i do that. ugh #again it’s fine it sounds like no harm was done she just was worried there would be but i feel so so bad. she doesn’t know how similar our #stories are but i think she will and ughhhh that makes it even worse. :~//////

[orcelito]

Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,

I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.

#speculation nation #this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off. #to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one #but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time. #my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here. #the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years #my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most. #im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession. #it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous. #but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole. #maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth. #that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing. #idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death #to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole? #i dont fucking think so! #yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight #even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death #whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life. #it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!! #and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this #bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about. #but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger... #and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol #anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes. #but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen... #negative/ #i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.

[hella1975]

feel free to ignore this if you feel like it's too personal, but i just wanted to say that reading some of the posts you've made about your relationship with your mother has really like. helped? in a weird way? bc i know everyone's experience is different but my mum has always treated me as if i'm somehow fundamentally bad in a way my siblings aren't, and it can be so so hard to cope with feeling like the one person who is meant to know you best is convinced that you're actually a terrible person. so reading your posts where you mention something sort of similar to that (not exactly the same but near enough) is really really reassuring bc i've been following you for ages and you seem like a really sweet and protective person and it's like (weirdly) 'okay, if other people have that experience too maybe it's not just me and maybe i'm not the worst, actually' lol

this is actually such a touching ask to receive! to date my relationship with my mum is the most complicated relationship ive ever had with a person and i honestly wholeheartedly believe that will never change even if i have a family. she's such a complex, tortured woman and she has such a temper and she's said such awful things to me, but we're also complete mirrors of each other. growing up my mum recurringly says she thought she was 'mad and bad' - that's a phrase of hers she uses a lot. mad and bad and here i am feeling all those things she felt and it's heartbreaking because oftentimes she's the reason i feel that way, or i feel that way and she makes me feel worse. im constantly torn between guilt and shame and anger, or love so strong i cry over it. it's taken me a long time to accept i will always feel these emotions for my mother and through it she's my favourite person in the world as well as the person who can hurt me worse than anyone, and knowing you're not alone in that, that it doesn't make you a bad child to acknowledge these things, is really reassuring so thank you x

#even answering this ask made me feel guilty bc me and my mum have been getting on really well atm #and when we're getting on we get on so well like idc if it's biased i do genuinely believe we have a stronger connection than most #but god she just gets so angry and even when we get on i cant just forget the things she's said to me #she spent the entirety of my first year of uni making me feel like i was a fundamentally cold person who was bad at loving #and coming from the person who - like you said - is supposed to know me better than anyone it killed me to hear #and it's something im going to spend possibly the rest of my life insecure about even though she's not said it in months #it's so unfair and i hate myself for holding onto things and then i get angry at her for expecting me to let them go #she has no idea how much i value her opinion like i WANT to impress her and make her proud #im killing myself over this economics degree and i didnt HAVE to do it but i knew it would make her happy so i did #bc the thought of doing a degree that disappointed her (at a time when my sister was doing great) terrified me #idk relationships between mothers and children are such landmines #there's resentment and rage there but there's so so much love #ask

[agentemo]

I think I worked too hard for too long trying to fix things with my mom and it kept breaking me down the way it always did and now I feel like a shell of a person because it was a waste it was a waste to hollow myself out and show her the viscera I'm made of and keep hoping keep hoping she'll find something beautiful in it someday

strangers love me better

#I'm gonna make an instagram soon finally so I can keep in touch with irl and internet friends #just like there are people I think it would be cool to know me as more than this scared hermit hiding behind Mikey's name lol #im fucking angry that no one ever told me who told purchase admin about my suicidal ideation. i hate the not knowing and that was my first #realization I'm not safe anywhere I am not truly anonymous anywhere #i think it was heather. i think i should ask her. #i think i am angry for the kindness of that treaturous time because things are still treaturous and i do not have a group of friends that #will save me and help me move because there is no where to move to #and now i dont have any friends #DELETE LATER #i am in my feelings cuz i got rejected from a job whatever whatever! #if you made it this far. holy shit. annette will not leave my side. #i worry she is feeling my depression #its nice to always wake up with her next to me

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

somehow i have reached enlightenment where i am free of anger. all it took is for my mom to be so so mad at my dad and everyone and everything else in the world all the time to do it

#like. my moms making a HUGE cake and a bunch of cupcakes for her coworkers husbands birthday or whatever #and i usually help her with baking bc we both really enjoy it #so yesterday we made all the frosting and i made soft pretzels bc we thought it would be fun to use to make the handle on the beer mug cake #instead of using gum paste so i made like 10 or so normal pretzels and two that we could try and use for that #so we all didnt want to cook dinner and left to pick something up. and when we come back i saw my dad had eaten one of the fucking #specifially shaped ones. i was like im not even dealing with this now im fucking hungry and ate #then after we were all done my mom finally saw and was like did you fucking eat the differently shaped one #and my dad was like lol yeah 🤪 and she was like we were fucking using that for the cake #and my dad isnt even like oh im so sorry or anything he literally just. oh lol if it makes you feel better i gave half to the dog 🤪🤪😋!!! #usually i would be so fucking angry bc /I/ was the one who made all the pretzels in the first place but my body was like no girl we have to #shield ourselves from how upset your moms about to be #anyways. my dad just came in to my room be like ughhhh should i make another batch. and i was like well you dont have to bc i made two #so i guess we can go with that and hes like ughhhhh no i guess i will so your mom wont be mad at me 🙄 #im just. im just so fucking tired of my dad doing all this shit to either intentionally or unintentionally irritate me and my mom and then #acting like hes being fucking crucified bc EVERYONE IS AGAINST HIM!!!! when he refuses to apologize or even acknowledge that hes done #anything wrong. like i get nobody in this fucking family is good at talking abt anything but he just is so avoidant things have been piling #up for YEARS. #ugh. okay. done i guess i dont know im just so tired. i feel like i have to play fucking marriage therapist to these two bc he refuses to do #anything to try and make their lives not miserable