#(except my experience was very much ‘you don’t realize how bad a relationship is

[salaciousdoll]

꒷︶ ̇ ̟ ෆ ‿︵‿ The Salacious Exploits ‿︵‿ ෆ ̟ ̇ ︶꒷

You’re a girl who was brought into this world with riches. Many thought that you had it all but the act of abandonment done by your father says otherwise. Don’t get it misconstrued though, your father is still alive and in your life just doesn’t even glance your way even when you broke into the famous stadium near your house with your friends, leading to sending you away to boarding school. Boarding School was an experience. Getting through that obstacle only to end up at a nice 4 year University. Easy-peasy for you right? except two and a half years later you’re sent to Private College. You hated your mother for thinking what’s best for you but “The Kaizen of Maria” Private College was a risqué experience, way better than boarding school, am I right? Am I? See how you deal with being with the social classes you don’t usually be in. Hardships, flowing red and orange leaves hitting the ground in the opening season of fall, volleyball practices, majors, sexy instructors and classmates, and finally realization of issues.

Be apprised of the warnings before you read below: smut, heavy smut, plot build-up, angst, heavy angst at the end chapters and maybe beginning too, chubby reader in mind but everyone could read, age gap, reader is in her early 20s( 21-23), tw.taboo, teacher/student relationships, reader could be considered hyper feminine and Bimbo/ditzy, very different and wrong depictions of boarding school( just for the plot), trauma( heavy and light), power dynamic relationships, sex with no relations on one side( yours), large age gaps so please be aware, written with black reader in mind but again everyone could read, volleyball player!reader, fashion major!reader, chubby reader in mind but everyone could read, daddy issues are high here but this in no way to describe it in a sexual manner only( this also goes into depths of it), heavy drug use! But the reader is not doing it just watching + dark content!, threesomes, classroom fucking, under the desk, Pervert reader and some characters, size kink but not major, false!corruption kink, reader is very seductive without even doing anything, body fluids( squirting, creampies, cum on body), mention of the younger cast of each series( not everyone though), Fem!reader, the men and Hange are between the ages of (30-50, so exit out this series if you’re uncomfortable), some fluff here and there, a little self indulgent, small descriptions of body parts( cocks, pussy, hair, etc.), heavy body worship, oral( f & m receiving), mentions of alcohol/parties off campus, strict teachers( Nanami, Erwin, and Levi), toxic!relationships, unrequited love( male wise), modern!au, joint modern au, crossover au!

Characters: Erwin smith, Levi Ackerman, Onyankopon, Hange Zoe, Miche Zacharias, Gojo satoru, Geto suguru, Nanami Kento, Toji Fushiguro, Shiu Kong, Hiromi Higuruma, Keith shadis, Kishibe, Eren Kruger, Principal Yaga, Zeke Yeager, Atsuya Kukasabe, Grisha Yeager, Kenny Ackerman, and Choso Kamo

Wc: tba ( tie it up at the end of the series)

ෆ ‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿ ෆ ̟ ̇ ┈•ﾟNote from Salaciousdoll: Thank you to Deja for the pictures/headers, I adore you so much for this because you did this for free and just for your own entertainment, I was so scared to ask you but we up!! 😭 read the warnings carefully everyone. As always, MDNI; 18+ only

Taglist

｡ﾟ•┈୨ CHAPTERS ୧┈• ｡ﾟ

i. The opening of Fall 9/19/23

ii. Friends? 10/1/23

iii. You can’t always get what you want 12/16/23

IV. I wouldn’t do a thing like that, that’s for sure! 1/16/24

V. Be my Daddy(1/24/24)

VI. Ridin’

VII. I put you down because I want you

VIII. Slut Pop

IX. Strawberry Pound Cake

X. Thee Five Star Bitch

XI. Cherry Cola

Xll. Ten men on my line tryna fuck me, your daddy’s the biggest spender

XIII. He calls me lavender

XIV. Just wanna have fun’

BONUS CHAPTERS

XV. Holding hands with an bad old man

XVI. Allure

XVII. Wanna know how red taste?

XVIII. Blood Rush Slut

XIX . Candy Necklaces

XX. French Restaurant

｡ﾟ•┈୨ SALACIOUS PLAYLIST ୧┈• ｡ﾟ

1. Boarding school- Lana Del Rey 2. Party Girls- Victoria Monet

3. Love Language- Sza 4. Open Arms- Sza ft Travis Scott

5. Mermaid Hotel-Lana Del Rey 6. Girl that got away- Lana Del Rey

7. Go Go Dancer- Lana del Rey 8. Off to the Races- Lana del Rey

9. I’m that girl- Beyoncé 10. Rocket- Beyoncé 11. You can be the boss- Lana del Rey

12. French restaurant- Lana del Rey 13. Fucked my way up to the top- Lana del Rey

14. Attention- doja cat 15. Daddy issues- The Neighborhood

16. Older- Isabel larosa 17. Naughty Girl-Beyoncé 18. Valley of the doll- Marina

19. What was I made for- Billie elilish 20. Baby doll- Mariah Carey

21. The roof- Mariah Carey 22. Body Electric- Lana del Rey

23. All Up In Your Mind- Beyoncé

Tagging: @chosoist @honeybleed @emomanswhore @simpingfor-wakasa @happygoluckyalexis @mastermindenoshimaalicia @angelshub and if anyone else wants to be tagged in future chapter, fill out the taglist form.

｡ﾟ•┈© all right reserved to salaciousdoll, she does not give permission to steal, plagiarize, and translate.

#jjk smut #aot smut #csm smut #kishibe smut #aot x reader #jjk x reader #angelshubnetwork #chubby reader #plus size reader #x black reader #black reader #tw.age gap #levi ackerman smut #gojo satoru smut #toji fushiguro smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #attack on titan smut #geto suguru smut #jjk shiu #x female reader #female reader #kenny ackerman #erwin smith smut #snk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #attack on titan #anime x chubby reader #anime smut #anime men

[chaoticbardlady99]

Lethal Woman: Chapter 5 (GN! Reader x Astarion)

  Note: I know a lot of people don't necessarily read this piece of my work, but for the people who do, I'm sorry for the wait! This one is kinda angsty and still digs into the character's background. I want to create a Durge x Astarion type of relationship rather than a Tav x Astarion type of relationship so the character has some trauma.

Also this character is my way of working through my own traumatic experiences so I guess sorry????

CW: Violence, Gore, mention of Child/Teen SA (very very brief), death, torture, PTSD, murder, dissociation, and panic attacks.

Background- You are a Nightmask Death Bringer who was kidnapped by a Nautiloid Ship. Along with 6 strangers, you search Faerun for a cure for the Tadpoles in your heads- before it’s too late.

Chapter Six

You have never enjoyed verbal confrontation- not because you weren’t good at it, but because it feels like a waste of time when it’s so much easier to throw knives at the problem. You know that it comes from a place of survival- arguing with Dahlia always ended in you being tortured for however many days or nights she felt like you deserved. You learned to stop arguing after the first few months of your training and just do what Dahlia told you to do.

The only verbal confrontations you have engaged in recently was during your assignments, but they were always brief and forgotten quickly.

However, your argument with Astarion three days ago has consumed your every waking thought. 

  You honestly weren’t sure what chain of events had led to the explosive discussion involving confronting the three Goblin Leaders when the day had started so typically.

You and your companions (minus Astarion) all agreed that going to the grove to fight Kagha is a priority and that they couldn’t allow the Shadow Druids to take over the grove. Astarion, however, hadn’t seen it that way. He kept insisting that it was a waste of time, resources, and energy. You didn’t mind the bitching at all- you weren’t necessarily thrilled about “saving the day” either and if it were just adults you would walk away from the whole ordeal- except there are children who need to be protected. 

 It’s your one and only rule- you do not abandon children in need. You don’t want anyone to ever fall into the wrong hands like you had. Eventually, Astarion stopped being huffy.

The fight had erupted quickly and Kagha had managed to slip into the shadows unnoticed in the midst of the chaos. You had barely seen her in time when you realized she was going to run Astarion through with a stake. 

 You had never sprinted so fast in your entire life as you put yourself between him and Kagha, grabbing the stake that was mere inches from your chest. You would have felt entirely victorious if she hadn’t then stabbed you all the way through with the shortsword she had attached to her belt- twisting it deeply into your abdomen until you release the stake. You feel her pull the sword out before stabbing you through your chest with the sharpened wood. 

 You had always thought stabbing a vampire with a stake as a tried and trued method of killing them was stupid- anyone would die if they were stabbed hard enough with a WOODEN FUCKING STAKE. 

  Maybe Dahlia was right- maybe being attached to people is a bad idea because you hadn’t even taken a good look at Kagha before you ran (which is reckless and not how you were trained to fight). 

  You had heard Shadowheart scream your name and saw two flaming hands go past your face as they consumed Kagha. The black dots in your vision had been followed with the unpleasant numbness that you knew all too well. 

 The fear sank into your bones like an anchor. Your breathing had begun to speed up and you felt the panic rip through you as you were being dragged away- unpleasant images flash in your mind and you started to thrash against the person holding you. You began screaming bloody murder and you clawed at the air like a trapped animal. You could barely hear the person’s voice over your looping thoughts and racing heart.

    No, no, no, no, no. Please. I’ll listen. I’ll do anything, just don’t kill me. Don’t leave me here. I’ll do better. I’ll be better!

   You hadn’t known until the end of the battle that Astarion had been the one carrying you away and had to hold you down as Shadowheart and Nettie came rushing to your aid after the final enemy went down.

  You could hear two voices trying to snap you out of whatever fear driven fog you were in, but you were still choking on your own air, floating away in space. Disconnected. Disassociated. You felt the tadpole wiggle behind your eyes, but you were too far gone in your head to even register it.

  Dahlia had killed and resurrected you a few times as a punishment. Sometimes she would leave you out in the sun for a few days before resurrecting you- the process of your skin, organs, muscles, and tendons repairing themselves after being eaten by critters and bugs is a different kind of pain- one you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. What was even worse was that Dahlia eventually found out how to bring you back just enough that you were aware of the vermin desecrating your body, but not enough for you to do anything about it- forced to feel yourself becoming nourishment for the creatures in the forest as you struggled to survive mentally. 

  Dahlia threatened to turn you into her spawn if you didn't remain half way in your body until she came back to get you. You knew her threat was serious because she had taken you coffin shopping after the first time she killed and resurrected you. You had gone for a wood one so that the endeavor could be over with, but Dahlia instead made you lay down in every coffin on display in the showroom- ultimately picking a gaudy, lockable, and iron coffin for you. You were 13-years-old. 

   Dahlia enjoyed driving you to the brink of insanity- only to come back and be your savior or your villain. Somehow she had convinced you that it’s entirely up to you what version of her you received, but it never mattered how well you listened sometimes. She told you you wouldn’t know when she would decide you were past the point of no return and no longer had any use for you as a Deathbringer. Thank the Gods she wanted to make you a Deathbringer more than she wanted you to be her spawn.  

  You weren’t sure when Nettie had forced an herb into your mouth that calms you down; you had eventually come back to yourself just enough to stop fighting her and Shadowheart’s efforts to heal you. 

  Karlach was sitting next to your head and was talking about nothing and everything. Astarion had sat himself on the staircase nearby and you could feel his eyes boring into you as you flinched away and hissed from the healers’ touch. You tried to make yourself smaller, your anxiety getting worse by the minute. It wouldn’t bother you usually, but you weren’t of sound mind in that particular moment. 

 As you became more alert, you made eye contact with Astarion and you were shocked to see him staring at you with anger and grief in his eyes. 

  You hadn’t known (and still didn’t know) that Astarion had been in your head using the tadpole to try to snap you out of whatever hell you were in and he had seen all of it- every last thing Dahlia did to you. The time she hired a man to violently take your virginity after your first moon blood at 14, the resurrections, the priests of Loviatar that would come for days on end to beat you until you wanted to die, and Tessa. Poor, sweet, beautiful Tessa with her mangled corpse and heart being eaten. 

   The walk to camp had thankfully been an easy one. Gale had thankfully had dinner ready by the time your group came back and you sat around the campfire to have dinner with the others. Astarion sat next to you and you couldn’t help but notice how rigid he was. He would usually have his leg touching yours and he would lean in to whisper some snide remark in your ear about whoever was talking- forcing you to suppress laughter as to not bring attention to the two of you.

 Except for tonight apparently- he hadn’t even spoken to you the entire time and made sure there was a considerable amount of distance between you and him. Then the argument happened.

  Wyll and Gale had brought up the plan to take out the Goblin leaders and find Halsin. They had gathered information about the leaders at the grove from Zevlor and had a plan in mind.

  Wyll suggested that everyone split up so that more ground could be covered faster and it would prevent anyone from burning out since they wouldn't be participating in three (possibly four) separate battles. 

 “So I was thinking that Shadowheart, Karlach, and Astarion would take on Minthara. Myself, Gale, and Lae’zel will take on Dror Ragzlin,” Wyll paused before looking at you, “and if you are up to it in the next three days- I think it would be best if you kill the Priestess and then jailbreak Halsin alone.”

 “That way, we can all remain somewhat under the radar while we are gathering information regarding the Absolute and their Cultists,” Gale chimed in, “and hopefully we will get substantial information before you charge into battle with Halsin.” 

  You pondered their vision and it made sense to you. Priestess Gut would be an easy kill and you can’t imagine that the Goblins guarding Halsin will be much of a challenge either. Except you were unsure of how much better you would feel within 3 days.

 “I don’t have a problem with it,” you said slowly, “does anyone ob-”

 You didn’t even get a chance to finish before Astarion began ripping into Wyll and Gale’s plan- specifically the part about you being alone. He had stood up and gotten into Wyll’s face as he rose to meet the other man's eyes 

 “What kind of moronic plot is that,” Astarion hissed, “they’ve been injured you ignorant fucks.”

 “Astarion,” you said with an edge to your tone.

  He whipped around with that same anger and grief he had looked at you with earlier.

 “You honestly believe you’ll be ready in three days to take on an Absolute Priestess and a group of Goblins by yourself?”

 “Yes, in fact, I do,” you stood up, your voice firm, “I’ve been hurt worse and been able to keep fighting after one day. What happened today-” 

 He cut you off with a growl, “I knew you were naive, Darling, but I didn’t realize how dense you are.” 

 You frowned and said in a whisper, “I don’t know what the word means.”

 “Simple-minded, brainless, dull-witted,” he retorted, “must I continue or are you educated enough to understand what I’m trying to say.” 

You were not made to be loved- only to kill, die, and serve.

You felt your brain disconnect from your body as you swallowed down the emotions. You watched as something in his eyes changed, but you had begun walking away towards your tent. You heard Karlach scold him, but you were already shaking it off- like you said, you’ve experienced worse before and have been able to keep going the next day.

  It didn't change the fact that his words had broken you- he knew that not being able to read or write was a sore spot for you. It was also something you didn’t want to publicize to your other companions. You had been staying up together at night- him reading to you and you listening- making the occasional comment or asking a question. Sometimes you just listen to him tell you about Cazador and Baldur’s Gate. If you fall asleep, he doesn’t move you- instead he sits next to you until you wake up and you walk back to camp together.

You had thought those moments were sacred and important to him like they were to you. You were ashamed to discover it had been an act the whole time and you had been naive enough to fall for it.

 Over the next three days, you avoided him like the plague and he avoided you too. Your nightmares have come back in full force now that your nightly ritual has ceased. Your injury has healed almost entirely despite the occasional soreness, but you are so tired you are barely present as you and your companions walk towards the Goblin Camp. 

  Karlach is your angel from the Hells today as she keeps your spirits high with her bright demeanor. 

 “Soldier, I am so excited for you to see my infernal engine in action,” she puffs out her chest with pride, “Dammon’s explanation doesn’t even begin to do it justice- even if he says a lot of pretty words with that nice mouth of his.”

 “Thank you for that Karlach,” you say with a snort, “been imagining what other talents his mouth has?”

  You begin to cackle as Karlach turns even more red before giving you a shove. 

 “Ughhh have mercy on me! He’s just so pretty and his voice!,” she whines with a dramatic, angsty sigh, “A girl can dream.” 

 “Or a girl can put on her big girl panties and ask to fuck him already.”

 “Oh, SHUT UP you vulgar-!” she puts you in a headlock and scratches the top of your head with her knuckles- effectively ruining your hair, but putting the biggest smile on your face. 

 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

   Astarion watches you laugh and dick around with Karlach. He feels the corners of his lips tease into a small smile before he begins to frown again. He notices the dark circles under your eyes and the slight drag in your step, but he doesn’t even know where to begin if he was to approach you.

  He doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s missed your presence and your nightly rendezvous together. Truth be told, a part of him is fearful that he’ll never be able to have those moments with you again. 

   His anger had been misdirected at you that night at the fire. He had been so angry with himself (and those dipshits, Wyll and Gale) that he had taken it out on you.  Instead of asking you to take care of yourself or refusing to let you go alone, he decided to publicly shame you.

 The first night you didn’t show up at your agreed-upon spot had twisted his heart and no matter how much he tried to ignore it, the feeling came back the second and the third night too.

  He hasn’t cared for someone like this in the last two centuries and he hates it. The last three days had been hell- he followed you every time you left camp to go hunting, check traps, etc. He would give you your privacy of course if you were going to bathe in the river, but even then he would anxiously look around camp until you came back. He tells himself it’s because he knows you are his best chance at being free of Cazador- that he is merely worried for your safety and cares because without you, he doesn’t stand a chance. 

Then there is the part of him that has begun to crave your company just as a companion and he enjoys the friendship between you. This part of him feels like just being your friend will never be enough. 

He refuses to admit his plan may be falling apart, despite it barely beginning. Thankfully, his feelings of self-loathing are keeping him preoccupied.

   He despises himself for being so blind to the fact that you and your nightmares were not from the tadpole, but from the abuse inflicted upon you by that wretched woman- Dahlia. Even thinking her name made him see red and filled him with bitter rage.

  He remembers the night he told you about Cazador burying him alive for a year. He remembers how you had said you understood how he felt and how he had gotten upset with you. You didn’t correct him- didn’t tell him that you have been in a similar situation. He doesn’t know which is worse- being buried in shadows, confined for a year or being left out in the sun to slowly rot and be eaten away. 

  He wishes you had corrected him, but maybe you felt like he couldn’t protect you due to his own history of abuse. Maybe he had made you feel like your pain didn’t matter to him.

  Then, when you began thrashing around in his arms, he had never felt more powerless as he watched you disappear inside your own head like he has done many times. He ground his teeth every time you flinched away from Nettie and Shadowheart. His mind insisted on reminding him of how you looked at him with so much fear and rage while he held you down; how it felt watching your memories- your pain- being ripped open all because you decided to protect him. Again. 

 Then his attempt to protect you failed because he ultimately pushed you away, but maybe that is for your own good too. However, you pushing him away has not changed his plan for today’s fight.

  He will not be going with Shadowheart and Karlach. He had initially planned on approaching them about this, but they came to him first- asking him to hang back with you, undetected, then meeting up with them later. Karlach and Shadowheart told him that they were just as upset with Gale and Wyll’s plan and were going to object before he stepped in. 

 He’s the only one who has a ring of invisibility and the stealth to keep you from suspecting you are being ‘babysat’ as he had overheard you call it when Karlach had suggested she come with you. 

  The goblins outside of the camp had been easy to bypass- Astarion had even convinced the goblin to kiss his shoe (which earned a hushed laugh from you that made him hopeful). Astarion watched as you caught and helped the Owlbear Cub escape, but on the opposite side of that coin, you managed to get Volo in more trouble. 

   You convince Wyll to hold off on the plan until you are able to free Volo- seeing as leaving a famous bard to die at a Goblin Camp would not bid well for the Night Masks and that would not be doing you any favors. Astarion was shocked when Wyll expressed understanding. 

  Astarion, Shadowheart, and Karlach go with you as Gale, Wyll, and Lae’zel search for Dror Ragzlin.

  The rescue mission quickly turns into another rescue mission when your small group stumbles across a man being tortured by Goblins. Astarion is quick to convince the goblins that they were being summoned elsewhere and, at your behest, he frees the battered man after he gives you more information about the Nightsong. 

   The Goblins had mentioned a man in the next room over so Astarion begins to walk in that direction and you follow him closely- your hand hovering over the hilt of your dagger as you scan the area cautiously.

  Astarion rounds the corner and sees a man that looks like he needs more iron in his diet. The all black garb was not helping and honestly? Neither is the haircut. 

  The man turns and scans the group before his eyes settle on you. Astarion feels his stomach turn as the man gives you a wickedly happy grin. Astarion moves closer to you and eyes the man cautiously, leering at him in the process.

 “I remember you,” the man says, “you’re Dahlia’s little brat, are you not? I remember the first time we met- your screams were positively delicious.” 

  Astarion hears your breath hitch. You are frozen in place, fingers trembling slightly as you fix your posture and take a deep breath. Astarion watches mournfully as you lose yourself in your head.

 “Hello Abdirak.” 

  Abdirak’s smile grows even wider at your empty greeting.

 “What a blessing it must be- for us to meet again, Rowan. Won’t you join me in worshiping My Lady?”

 Shadowheart pipes up, “I didn’t know you were into such things Rowan. I would love to see a demonstration.” 

 “Absolutely not,” Astarion hisses.

 “I’ll do it.” 

 He whips around to look at you as you walk up to the wall. He watches as you take each hit, but you are goading the man the entire time. The throws get more and more painful to watch and he hears Karlach take sharp breaths every time an ax sticks in your back. You walk back over and let Shadowheart heal you as she praises you for your vigor. Astarion uses every last bit of restraint he has to not punch Shadowheart in the jaw.  

  You look distant as you drink a healing potion from your pack before turning back to Abdirak as he spouts on about his wonderful “memories” of worshiping with you. Astarion's hands go to his dagger as he gears up to kill the man.

A flash of movement from your direction prevents him from moving forward.

 Astarion wasn’t prepared for you to cut the man’s throat so violently in one quick motion. Blood pours from Abdirak’s neck and out of his mouth as he chokes. His eyes are wide with fear as you push him on his back- your eyes bright, crimson red and consumed with indifference. Abdirak chokes and looks at you with pleading eyes, but you take a step back as the rats begin to claw and eat at him. The whole endeavor is disgusting and horrific- Astarion could not be more proud to know you. His strangled cries are cut short as he finally succumbs to his wounds.

 Without saying anything, you turn on your heels and stalk to the next room, Astarion quickly in tow. You free Volo before Astarion can even enter the room- the Goblin that had taken Volo away dead on the floor.  

You come out of the room and make eye contact with him. Your eyes are blank and your face is emotionless. You turn away from him and stalk off in the direction of the priestess. He gives you a decent head start before casting the spell and sneaking in behind you as Priestess Gut closes the door.

Let the bloodshed begin.

#astarion x reader #baldurs gate 3 #astarion x you #bg3 spoilers #astarion x tav #bg3 #astarion romance #baldurs gate astarion #astarion #karlach #astarion ancunin #astarion x gender neutral reader #astarion x gn! reader #astarion x gn! tav

[diarygirls]

do u have any suggestions on how to . meet people? ive never been approached by anyone/never even gone on a date but im 22 and so lonely and scared of dating apps:(( any suggestions on how i can Put Myself Out There

<3 sending love & a sympathetic ear because i was in a similar situation myself in my early 20s and it felt so lonely even though from talking to others i know it’s actually not so unusual. sometimes i feel like the prevalence of dating apps has made dating this activity that’s entirely separate from the rest of your life / your social circle and it’s actually reduced the amount of casual dating we do in early adulthood. hmm anyway some suggestions:

for making friends in general: in my experience the easiest way to make friends is to pick an interest or activity + regularly show up where people do it. work or university are two obvious examples but there’s also rec sports leagues, online meetup groups for hobbies, trivia or open mic nights at local bars, bouldering/climbing gym or another specialized sports studio, martial arts studio, group art class, knitting circles, book clubs, volunteering … all good ways to expand your social circle + also valuable in themselves! it can feel intimidating to do things solo but people are pretty receptive to chatting especially if they’re also by themselves or maybe just 2 or 3 people. additionally bumble has a BFF mode that’s specifically for platonic connections & i have a very wonderful friend who i met from there so it might be worth a try.

and all of these ^^ situations (except bumble BFF) are good ways to meet people to date too! the only thing is for some reason in my experience, you rarely meet people to date when that’s your only goal from the interaction. like, i’ve been in social situations (outside of like bars/clubs where it’s the norm) where you can just tell that someone is only looking at new people as potential romantic interests or hookups and it just puts more pressure on every interaction. so like get out and do things and meet people, allow yourself to be open to them, if they’re cute + available feel free to flirt but don’t discount the interaction if it doesn’t turn romantic yknow?

oh also tell your friends you want to start dating! you might not want to date your close friends but they probably know someone who knows someone who you’d like to date. i’ve even been on a blind date that a friend set up for me and while it didn’t go anywhere it was still nice + less nerve-wracking than app dates because we at least had a common interest and a single shared connection. tbh in my experience NO ONE will support your dating adventures as much as your friends who have been happily partnered and in love for years, because they want everyone else to be in love, and they need the gossip.

finally ik you said you’re scared of dating apps but they’re not all bad! i think dating apps can be a good option for adults not in a university setting esp if you just want to meet a lot of people with low stakes. i think a lot of people (myself included) considering meeting someone on an app as less “real” than a cute meeting irl but the reality is a lot of single people you meet irl will also be on apps. i had a thing w this guy from an app and we ran into each a year later at a party and realized we had mutual friends and it was this nice realization like oh we would’ve met anyway. and i know a lot of people who are in relationships that started on apps! do what you’re comfy with of course but they’re always an option.

and of course goes without saying that there is so much love and romance to be had in life without a partner, that you can find so much joy and care and growth through friends family passions etc, that timelines are not real and that all experiences will come in time but you’ve probably heard that a lot, i know i did and do. but saying it again in case u need to hear it 🤍

hope some of these ideas resonate w u - ik it’s been a couple months since you asked so maybe it’ll just help someone else in a similar situation. good luck! <3

finally i know you said scared of dating apps but they’re actually not all bad and i think for adults who aren’t in university it’s a great way to just kind of dip your foot in the dating pool. plus i think a lot of us (me included) tend to romanticize irl meetings when the reality is a lot of people you’d meet in a cute way irl will also be on dating apps, i had a thing w someone from an app and a year later we ran into each other at a party and realized we had mutual friends and it was a nice reminder like ok well we would’ve met anyway, just on a later timeline. i know lots of people who are in relationships that started on them too. dating apps are also real life!!!

maybe some these ideas will resonate with you, ik it’s been a couple months since you sent it so maybe it’ll just help someone else in a similar situation. good luck out there 💗

#sorry again for taking so long to answer this! #i try to be more responsive with these types of questions #but ironically had a sort-of-breakup the day i got this ask & did not feel up to love life chitchat until recently #wishing u luck! 🤞🏽🤍 #answers

[youremyheaven]

as a mercurial person, when I do have my bad moments, I can always rely on someone like my sister to call me tf out. she’s an Ashlesha girlie, and I think she’s amazing, despite her own flaws. we both believe being direct shows we care. calling out bullshit is our love language. we bicker a lot, which includes a lot of cussing. at first, it was hard accepting the truth because I get really defensive (that explains the stream of swear words lol). she gets more defensive, though—she reminds me of a cat hissing at others for intruding upon her space. I tease her about it cus I find it cute. despite our intense arguments, we still love each other immensely. we are each other’s biggest supporters! I am the oldest child, she’s the middle child. all her life, I’ve been very protective of her because she somehow is surrounded by negative energy. we grew up in a tense environment away from our community, so we also felt we didn’t fit in with our new surroundings growing up as we both experienced feelings of isolation. she has her Ashlesha placements in the 12th house, and I have my Jyeshta placements in the 12th house. I think our shared experience strengthened our bond as the years went on. she went through so much, same as I. when I read your post that mentioned Ashlesha Naks and their life struggles, it mirrored my sister’s origin and upbringing. I couldn’t fathom why the people she meets in every phase of her life would take advantage of her and/or project their misery onto her. that wasn’t until I learned about Ashlesha Naks, I fear. ig her relationship with our mom helps explain why, too… anyways, I may be protective of my sister but I also encourage her to go after her goals and fight for what she wants. and she knows this, too, and would encourage the same for me. she doesn’t hold back, and I don’t either. I know it’s good to have that kind of person in my life to rein me in AND to let loose with. however, I know I can’t rely only on her to save me from my flaws, of course. to my fellow mercury folks- let’s not deny that we are far from perfect. hell, I know I’m not perfect myself. I acknowledge that I have intense energy that’s similar to a repellent. life experience and being raised by a distrustful immigrant father assisted in helping me build this wall that surrounds my soul as a safety measure. I’ve been ostracized and bullied when I was a little girl. I was a sweet kid, but those experiences molded me into a person that feared the world, and as I grew up, I resented it for its restrictions. I was jealous of my peers and remained a recluse. it took me a long time to realize I was in control of the outcome of my own nature. I am in control of learning to outgrow my negative mindset and to be open to understanding. what started my growth was my spiritual inclinations that lead me to learning about astrology and such, and they unraveled the truth I’ve been blinded to for so long (besides my sister’s call-outs lmao). Vedic astrology helped me understand what it meant to be a Jyeshta Nak person. I’m not proud of my flaws, but they are there; I just have to learn how to remedy them and grow for the better. I will forever be on that journey. I just pray I don’t reverse the self evolution with self sabotage. I rather not be a wannabe Trump… no thank you 🙏 people are complex, so why paint ourselves as saints when we are not? what makes y’all think we’re the divine exception to the laws of nature? we are here to live this life and to learn from it. and if you make mistakes? own up to them. it’s easier said than done, but it’s much more rewarding to find ways to transform yourself into a more evolved human being. see your own shadow for what it is. you can’t suppress it because it will only shroud you with its darkness. once you start harming others, you are only digging a deeper hole for yourself. living in delusion and in denial is not healthy. and if you refuse to acknowledge that, then I wish you good luck in trying to crawl yourself out from your self made abyss of a grave 🫡

thanks for sharing your experiences 💛💛

[gmwsuperfan5467890]

Let’s talk about Boo Bitch

Disclaimer: SPOILERS AHEAD

Some parts were enjoyable but some parts were very cringey to me. After watching it I also felt like the negatives outweighed the positives. So here are the negatives.

1) I didn’t like how they portrayed high school as all all or nothing experience. You could either have a bad or a good experience and you could only have a good experience when you are popular and attend all the parties, which is complete bullshit. The best thing you could do in high school is to spend it with amazing people who love you for who you are and Erika had that from the very beginning. (I’ll come back to this point after I talk about the ending)

2) Erika Vu is the most unlikeable character in her own show for so many reasons.

a) She took her best friend, her ride or die, Gia for granted until the very end. She was horrible to her even after Gia revealed to her that she was the one that actually died and Erika only tried to make it up to her when she lost everything else and when she realized that Gia barely had any time left. Which makes her an asshole. Bonus asshole points for when she literally did not care when Gia told her that she was dead and for only caring about herself.

b) She harassed Devon way too much.

c) She was an asshole to her boyfriend, insulted him numerous times, gaslit him and never listened to him.

3) The way Erika’s transition from good person to asshole was too jarring and we still don’t understand the thought process behind this. Was she having an existential crisis over her death and so she wanted to try to make the most of the time she has left by emulating Riley (who she thinks has it all)? That wouldn’t work because Erika still remained the same after Gia revealed the truth. Maybe she was still in denial after hearing the truth? But that was never shown.

4)Jake was done so dirty. He hopped from one toxic relationship to another because he was scared of being alone and when he finally realized that and broke up with Erika, I was happy because you don’t see that type of character development in a lot of shows, especially not from the popular guy love interest. But then they had to ruin it by making him go to prom with Riley and then get back together with Erika. What??? So all that development in the episode prior didn’t matter.

5) The plot twist and the ending. I love a good plot twist but this one ruined the story in my opinion and if you knew that there was a plot twist that would be the first thing you think of. I thought this story was about Erika coming to terms with her death and making the most of her time left, so of course she was going to have complicated emotions and act out (which she did) but the end result should have been her realizing that this was bullshit and to find peace with who she is and then ascend, that would have been cathartic to watch as Erika’s arc in my opinion represents the typical Tragic Hero arc that is widely used in literature. Instead we get everyone instantly forgiving Erika and Erika partying with her classmates, her former bully and her ex who she treated like shit.

6) Gia and Gavin were done so dirty. Gia was the most selfless character on the show and she was taken for granted and ignored by almost everyone (except Gavin) and her best friend only started caring about her death in the last minute and Gavin lost someone he had a connection with. Honestly, they both got the short end of the stick.

All in all, the show could have been enjoyable but the last 3 episodes ruined it.

#BooBitch #Erika Vu #Gia

[pentanguine]

Python's 2023 in review

Enjoy me rambling and oversharing in typical long-winded fashion

I am so glad I stumbled into public librarianship. When I graduated I was still so sure I was going to work in an academic library, and it took fate intervening for me to realize that still probably wasn’t right for me. I love the public library combination of working with popular collections (the books actually circulate!?) and helping people with practical problems. It makes me feel useful, and like I’m part of the wider world

Unfortunately I am beset by imposter syndrome. I only graduated three months before I started the position, and I feel underqualified for what I know was a very competitive search. I am definitely the youngest person on my team, and I am so scared of disappointing people. It will be fine

Also unfortunately my commute is still way too long, but my god, I’m in control of it. All I have to do is get on the bus and stay on the bus til my stop. There’s no mucking around with a local shuttle service that can have a wait time of over an hour and has to be precisely timed while you also try to make a train connection…I just get on one bus. Wow. When the weather’s nicer and it’s lighter out, I’m going to try walking home to see if it’s faster

I dated one of my friends for nine months, and that was fun and weird. I really enjoyed just getting to express those feelings for once, but I didn’t like how much space he took up in my life. I’d set aside a night for myself and then he’d say “hey, want to call?” and I’d go “😍YES let me drop everything to hear your voice!”, which was very annoying. I desperately wanted more time to myself, but I was so infatuated I wanted to spend time with him more. I think I’d like to avoid that in the future.

I definitely did not experience Dating and Romance the way most people do, but it’s hard to tell if that’s because I’m somewhere on the ace spectrum, or because that’s just how I am as a person. I do feel like a lot of stuff was unintuitive to me, sort of like I was a robotic anthropology student experimenting with intimacy in order to gain a better understanding of the humans it’s been studying, but I also feel like that about many of types of human interaction, and “being attracted to him” was not where the disconnect was. Over the course of the relationship I kept up a strategy document outlining my goals and took 27 pages of notes, and that’s probably the most relevant fact about how my sexuality functions

I have started eating my burgers with all the toppings! This seems small and meaningless from the outside, but I used to eat every component of my food separately, because I Had To, and it feels really nice to just do things instead of holding myself apart so I can carefully avoid Bad Things which Are Not Right. It feels like relaxing into life like a warm bubble bath.

27 feels distinctly different from 26. Feels a lot like My Late 20s, which feels like Almost 30, which feels like an entirely different stage of life. My knee clicks louder and louder when I go up stairs, and my knee and elbow hurt when the weather changes. I hear my spine making noises a lot.

AAAGHHHH! I am trying to get top surgery this year and I don’t want to talk about it! But also that’s dumb because I want my friends to know about it! Also, reading other people’s reflections about top surgery has been so, so fucking helpful to me over the years, and it would be nice to add to that informal pool of knowledge by periodically sharing stuff. Unfortunately I am deathly allergic to talking about myself on the internet, so I don’t know if I can do it. But it’s a thing that’s happening! I am going to get a referral letter from my therapist, and then I can schedule consultations!

I have no idea what I’m doing with gender. At some point I seem to have stopped identifying as nonbinary, and while I like being called a man but I don’t think I am a man, except for the part where sometimes I wonder if I’m a trans man who just doesn’t want to go on T, except for the part where I feel like a [redacted] who wants to disguise themself as a man. Look, I just live here. 

I have reached a point where she/her pronouns make me uncomfortable, instead of just feeling factually incorrect

I’ve realized that I have as much facial hair as my ex did when he was 3 months on T. I was wildly, desperately jealous of that facial hair at the time. That’s super weird.

I realized I’m thinking of this holiday as a trip to visit my parents, and I can’t wait to get home afterwards. But where is home? All my family still lives in the South, and there is stuff I miss here. All the little things, like the sound of Southern accents all around me and the way all the stores have ceiling fans turned on in the middle of December, and also the stars, and the horizon, and magnolia trees everywhere. But my life is in The City, and I feel at home when I cross the bridge at night and see all the lights against the water. Home is my shitty little apartment with my 12x6 room and sloping floors and my linden tree outside the window.

In general, it’s been a great year for Large Life Things: I graduated with my masters! And I started a great full time job! And I asked out the guy I’d had a crush on for almost four years! And it ended, but not in disaster, and we’re still friends! And I have kicked the ball that will eventually start knocking over dominoes on the way to having top surgery! Exciting cool stuff!

#personal

[mavspeed]

Heyo! Just wanted to come thank you again for the awesome chapter and wish you well. I was completely blown away by chapter 7 and the way you keep giving these little pieces of the puzzle that is IceMav’s relationship but not so much that we can put it together all the way. You have to keep coming back and then think about how both characters might have experienced the same moment in different ways, if that makes sense. You really play in the unreliable narrator so well and I am living for it. Like I always want to believe that the narrator is telling the truth and to an extent they are because that’s how they experienced and understood what was happening but they don’t realize their perception is being marked or shadowed by their past experiences and/or biases. It the best thing because I live for multiple perspectives so it’s like that scene character A took it this way while Character B understood this way. It’s great, phenomenal, one of my absolute favorite writing techniques.

I do have a couple questions though if you don’t mind and feel free to take as much time responding as you want. Do the flyboys really blame Ice for what happened or is that his guilt and terrible self worth talking? Like I know you mentioned Slider not talking to him for a bit after the break up but do they understand that both Maverick and Iceman fucked up? Also can you perhaps explain a little more why Maverick felt so hurt? Your writing really made me feel the emotions during these scenes but I have been having a hard time wrapping my head around some stuff. I am very slow on the uptake and can’t always make connections as to why people get upset about certain things. Was he hurt that Ice had been keeping secrets and denying the validity of their relationship to Ice’s family? Upset that Ice was no longer bringing him to the parties? I totally understand if you can’t reveal any of these answers yet or if you just want to point towards a certain chapter for these answers, then that works too.

Ok I think I have word vomited enough to you and hope you have a great rest of the week. Thanks again so much for the update and all your hard work because 16000 words is no joke.

hiiii this is such a lovely lovely comment thank you so so much! seriously I always greatly appreciate it when people express that they like my writing style bc I hate it most days lmfjjdks❤️❤️

as for your questions! do the flyboys really hate ice for what happened- nope, they don’t. it’s mostly his guilt talking bc he genuinely feels terrible still for how he handled the end to their relationship (although Mav had a hand to play in it too 👀)

the slider thing is honestly ice blowing it way out of proportion. here’s the thing- slider could only hear about what happened from one person only, and that was ice, since the other one cut off all communication and went cold turkey on them. he hears ice blame himself and runs with the facts. except he doesn’t have two sides to the story and ice is skewing the account of it too much in Mav’s favour! plus, slider was Also hurt by mav’s isolation, and he unknowingly puts the blame on ice. and you have to admit, it sounds pretty bad from ice’s pov only. lying to mav for 9 months and then cold shouldering him for one more month? WHEW. anyone would be a little Yo Dude What The Fuck after hearing that. but yeah, after a while slider comes to his senses and realises he was being unfair to ice. ice just keeps thinking slider is mad at him until one day slider comes up to him and is like dude chill I’m not mad 😭

ALSO DONT SELF-FLAGELLATE that honour belongs only to icemav!! you can ask me anything seriously I don’t mind answering stuff!! you are absolutely not slow on the uptake sometimes I leave a little too much subtext in my fic lmao. for the mav thing: he wasn’t hurt about the parties in any way, he hates them 💀 but yeah, he’s that hurt because ice lied to him in a massive, massive way- and again, for NINE MONTHS.

at this point, he just wanted a little bit of clarity and openness from ice. like ice has refused to tell him about his family for so long and this lie sort of... toppled the deck of cards lmao. it’s got mav thinking- does he care about me as much as I do for him? or have I been reading this wrong and I am just a warm body for him?

you can argue that it is a little bit hypocritical of mav to be all You Lied To Me! when mav has Also been lying to ice and downplaying the severity of some stuff in his past + goose-related trauma. but at the same time, lying about your family, telling them you dumped your boyfriend, going to parties and putting up the appearance of a single man... it’s wild! it’s crazy! and that’s why he got so upset.

(this is getting way too long of an answer once again) but anyway, all this gets hashed out in a proper conversation/screaming argument between them... eventually. their second go of it won’t be so disastrous, I promise 🙏🏼

#ask #fic tag

[mabaris]

I posted 1,238 times in 2022

That's 1,018 more posts than 2021!

161 posts created (13%)

1,077 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@notebooks-and-laptops

@catgirlpygmymarmoset

@thebimbobaggins

@the-stray-liger

@heniareth

I tagged 1,128 of my posts in 2022

Only 9% of my posts had no tags

#mine - 133 posts

#isabela - 92 posts

#morrigan - 79 posts

#merrill - 75 posts

#inquisition - 72 posts

#alistair - 67 posts

#anders - 61 posts

#zevran - 58 posts

#bethany - 57 posts

#warden - 57 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i feel like it would be much more accurate to describe him as an ‘i can fix him’ type. if it wasn’t his idea to help you in the first place

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

yknow, I’ve joked before, “idk I don’t really go for the whole ‘I can fix him’ thing (except Zevran, don’t look at me)” but thinking about it more, that’s…. not entirely true. like, that’s not really who he is

(idk maybe i misunderstand the appeal of that character type, but to me it seems like it’s about guiding and comforting someone who needs help to get through some kind of hardship or grief, which leads to that emotional intimacy; it’s not just about a character who does bad things or who bad things have happened to)

like yes he’s been through Some Horrendous Stuff but he’s remarkably well-adjusted despite it all. some of it is pretense (because his coping method of choice is humor and deflection), and also because he doesn’t fully trust you, but even when he’s at max approval, really the only thing that’s actually still bothering him is the thing that led him to leave Antiva (Rinna’s death). even then, he’s been struggling with that guilt for a while and you don’t really have to help him through it, you’re just someone he can open up to bc he’s been keeping it to himself. and he admits that he mostly feels guilty for falling for the trick in the first place; he still largely holds the crows responsible for what happened. he realizes he was manipulated.

(honestly, the crows are a HUGE reason for his baggage, but by the time you meet him he’s done most of the work: he’s already realized that and left. it’s clear he’d been feeling stuck for a while and looking for an out, but the most he needs you for, at least initially, is a foothold out of there. he says himself that he’d never had a real opportunity to leave Antiva before.)

103 notes - Posted March 2, 2022

#4

When I say that I wish Morrigan was a lesbian, I don’t just mean that I wish she was romanceable by a female warden (GOD. I absolutely do tho). That's half, but the other half of that is that she feels like the perfect opportunity for a story about compulsory heterosexuality, and that's just as important to it.

She talks a lot about how she was sheltered and has little to no firsthand experience of the world. She knows only what she’s seen and what Flemeth has told her, but part of her journey centers around realizing that Flemeth is not always right, and that there's more to life that her mother could never have told her about. (The grimoire, sure, Flemeth would never have shared with her. But what really stands out to me is that when you gain her friendship, it's something she never anticipated. Because Flemeth taught her there was no point in that kind of relationship, and she believed it unquestioningly.)

Morrigan is no stranger to sexuality (because, well, she says that she's seen her mother bring men home), but it stands to reason that she has very little idea of how it relates to herself. If she has any experience at all up to this point, it's in a similar fashion: seducing people for her own benefit, ie intentionally manipulating them, generally so she can save her own skin (and thanks to the fact that the devs forgot to put female templars in the first game :) it’s implied that these have to have been men)

(And with a male warden who tries to romance her, she says that initially she was planning on doing the same to him: she strung him along because it served her goals, and she wasn’t expecting to actually develop feelings for him in return. She wants to create an old god baby, and she needs him to be the sperm donor. That's it.)

She knows only what she's seen from her mother (or what she can reasonably deduce by herself. She knows how babies are made). She thinks things like love and romance are foolish, and Not For People Like Her, so it makes perfect sense that, in her mind, having sex with men would be one of those things that you're just supposed to do. Even if you get no pleasure from it. Even if it disgusts you. Because you should feel nothing for the other person—otherwise, you're weak and naive.

But I'm enamored with the idea of Morrigan who still doesn’t have experience with friendship or love, who plans on seducing the male warden (which, in this situation, would be Alistair, until she realizes he’s too infuriating lol) because she has the same endgoal. But in the meantime, she makes her first real friend in a female warden, and doesn’t know how to explain things because she doesn’t have any frame of reference for what platonic friendship is supposed to feel like, but surely this can’t be right.

Just like in her romance as it’s currently written, she doesn’t know how to handle serious feelings, and she definitely wouldn’t know how to handle romantic or sexual feelings for someone who isn’t a man. That isn’t one of the things she knew could happen. It's unique because in this case, it's not comp het from society, because she doesn't participate in one. It doesn't stem from any kind of malice or ingrained bias.

It's the blind spot you don't even realize you have, in the same way that she has no reason to know what a flamingo is because she grew up in a bog. It's just the result of being sheltered.

110 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

#3

anders

163 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

#2

saw a post talking about bethany and carver and how strange their fanon characterizations are, and tumblr kept messing up and i couldn’t reblog it, so i’m making my own post with what i put in the tags

bethany and carver both hate their lives, even before they come to kirkwall. the difference is that carver blames hawke for it, while bethany blames herself. and i think some of the reason the former gets so much more meta/sympathy/etc is because self-esteem issues are a muddy and uncomfortable thing to talk about, and it’s easier to talk about carver’s issue. he has a scapegoat and a built-in success story: as soon as he strikes out on his own, he’ll be all right

i think bethany is less popular for a lot of reasons. first of all, mage seems to be a disproportionately popular class, so some people would never even meet her. also, she doesn’t make a very strong first impression. a lot of people think she’s bland so they wouldn’t be interested in keeping her in the party and getting to know more about her. because at first glance, she is the mild-mannered polite perfect daughter character. that’s who she has to be, because it averts suspicion from the templars if she follows the rules, sure, but also because it’s how she makes it up to her family for being a mage. they’ve already done so much for her without even asking; how could she possibly inconvenience them any more? she’s a burden just by existing, so she has to do everything she can, be as unobtrusive as possible, to make up for that

260 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

inspired by this post by @villainanders

724 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #long post sry #mine

[dreamingmappist]

with body: musings on food and exercise

I actually just realized that I had a lot of experiences with disordered eating that was less about weight loss and more about food pickiness, loneliness/depression, mandated fifteen minute breaks while working retail, super late lunches while working fast food, and heartburn/dental issue-related food restrictions.

I’m lucky I’m not allergic to any food as far as I know. I’m also lucky that I am still generally healthy except for a tendency towards anemia. Now I try to enjoy everything I eat, even my lazy go-tos, and also expand my repertoire of things I can cook. My biggest struggle is to slow down while eating.

I am chubby/overweight for my height after being a skinny kid growing up. It means I still have a moment of cognitive dissonance sometimes when I look in the mirror or at pictures of myself. I try not to hate this body. For one thing, I’m a lot stronger now than as a kid. I actually look a bit more proportional now because of more developed shoulders/arms. I’m getting old and my knees are feeling it, and I’ll never be what you might call athletic, but I am still relatively able-bodied.

I am trying to lose weight in a manner as healthy as possible. Just enough to feel a bit lighter and tighter but not enough to need a new wardrobe. Listening to Maintenance Phase podcast helps clarify a lot of that for me.

My method? A very loose tracking system where I fill in my weight anytime I want to for the month and also record how many times I use the treadmill, go on the elliptical for at least 10 minutes, (that we have those machines at home and the space for them is a big privilege I know) go on forest walks and river walks and follow workout videos plus the nebulous other which counts weight training, dancing, or other activities. No goal, no pressure. Ok one goal is to go swimming a couple of times. And another goal is to visit a new park. But they’re not really written down. I liked the gym the one time I tried it, but I didn’t go there enough to make it worth the money.

My forest walks are basically hour-long nature walks on some Sunday mornings to the little tree-enclosed bike lane close to our house. I mostly check out what’s growing and listen to birdsong. A river walk is me getting off a stop early before work for an extra ten minutes’ walk. If I have more time I take a detour to the pier to talk to the river/get my head straight. I do it for destressing as much as for weight loss tbh.

I don’t do anything different with food because the moment I think about going on a diet, I immediately get ravenously hungry. And skipping meals has had a bad effect on me historically.

But I am also aware that there’s a growing movement towards vegetarianism for climate change reasons. I think that’s admirable; I want to learn more vegetarian dishes, but I kind of hate the judgment and expectations that go with it.

I think we as humans have a lot of baggage when it comes to food. It’s fuel but it’s also love and time/expense and things we swallow down because we heard it was good for us or because someone we care about made it for us and things we throw together for convenience. Food is relationship building and celebration and comfort. Food is family memory, cultural connection and exploration. Food is history—I didn’t realize how much exchange my country had with Mexico until I started finding familiar Filipino tastes at Mexican restaurants. I live on food and live for food.

🌭🌮🌯🥙🥗🥪🍕🍟🍖🍗🥓🍱🧆🍲🍛🍜🍝🍣🍤🍿🥟🍳🥞🧇🍆🍪🍩🧁🍦🍨🍧🍮🥧🍰🎂🍭🍫🍬🍑🍓🍒🥑🍌🍎🍊🍍🍋🥥🥚🧀🥜🥔🍇🍉🥝🥯🍞🥩🥦🥖🥒🥕🌽🍯🍡🥨🍏🍅🍘🥬🍚🥐🦐🍈🍙🍢🍐🥠🍥🧈🫕🫔🫒🦪🫐🫚🧅🧄🍠🥮🌶️🫛🫑🥭🫓

#long pointless post #tw: disordered eating #tw: weight loss #tw: food #how to human #with body #personal

[wander-wren]

on fanfic, original fic, and living on the boundary

most of the time, you hear about fanfic authors who eventually “make it” writing Real Books. very rarely, you might hear it the other way around. once upon a time, not too long ago, it was common for fanfic authors to aspire to write fic that mimicked Real Books, and very likely some of them still do. i’ve thought about it and realized the two were not separate experiences for me—something i suspect is becoming more common as fandom becomes more mainstream.

pretty much all of my earliest stories (elementary-age) were derivative. i loved multiple series about horses, and especially black beauty; the cats vs dogs movies, underdog, racing in the rain, and the whole dog’s life series. and more! those are just the ones i can distinctly identify as being stories i pulled from when i wrote about horses and dogs escaping abusive humans to go be spies. or wander the wilderness and be rescued by nice humans. i was also a big fan of dramatic angst, so not much has really changed. perhaps you could call those things fanfiction at a stretch, but i really wouldn’t.

once i hit 12-14, i started making things that were more original—all work is derivative, but this wasn’t consciously inspired by media i’d seen. i was, however, really big into ya dystopia, so that genre came up a lot alongside fantasy. i also found my way to fandom spaces and real fic at the start of this period. at the time, though, i didn’t even clock it as something different. i was simply writing “my warrior cat stories” right alongside my stories about kids in magic school and teens living underground post-nuclear war.

when i was around 13 i discovered the terms and community around fandom, moved to wattpad, then ao3, and more firmly separated origfic and fanfic in my mind. posted some more of both. finished like six things ever, all of them pretty short.

at 15, i started to Take Writing Seriously. i finally finished my first (original) novel, then my first longfic. wrote a few more fics. started a few more novels that didnt quite get off the ground. took a year-ish break from fic to really focus on original fiction, then wrote both at once again, and then in the last year or so, mostly abandoned original fic (except for editing) in order to throw myself back into the fandom sphere.

what i’m saying, in this very long-winded way, is that there is no ascending the writing ladder from lowly fic to super professional original work, to me. do i spend more time and energy on original stuff? sure! that’s the harder sell, and the one that, in theory, will eventually make me money. is my style exactly the same? no! they’re different mediums and i’ve honed each separately to reflect different strengths.

but my original work is still fanfic-y, in the sense of being extremely character driven, slim on the worldbuilding that’s not directly relevant, and emotional.

i think writing a first draft of something my own is a nearly identical process to writing a longfic, if that longfic actually has a plot (mine don’t always) and i know my audience is going in fandom blind. i still have to explain things like character backstory and how the world works, but it’s hardly the priority and i only need the bare minimum to get what’s going on. everything is focused on the high-emotion moments, skipping past all the boring bits in between. things happen with very flimsy justification, characters are ooc to serve the plot, and somehow we went on several tangents on our way to the end that didn’t all get resolved.

that makes my fanfic sound bad! but those things in fic are features, not bugs.

the second draft and beyond, then, is an effort to turn the story into a source material, rather than a fic based off the source in my head. features in fanfic are, unfortunately, bugs in novels, and they must be squished. but the core of the story is always the emotions, the character arcs, the relationships. they’re what i build around and what i follow like a compass when i revise.

i’m a very fannish person, i suppose. my silly little hope is that approaching my original stuff this way might entice a small fandom of its own to form around it.

this is also here as yet another reminder that you don’t have to use fanfic as “practice” for future, more legitimate works. it does not have to be a training ground until you’re good enough to move to the big leagues and push it aside. that’s not how this works for me. i would not have any kind of writing career without my fanfic. i would be such a wildly different human it is painful to think about. fanfiction is my heart, and it informs everything.

#wren wrambles #fanfiction #ao3 #writeblr #iiiiits 4am #so excuse any typos or over-poeticism #i used to separate these two more strongly. that has changed #i love fandom SO much #i will defend fanfic’s ‘flaws’ to the ends of the earth thank you

[alyjojo]

Next Major Life Change 🐛 September 2023 - Leo

What It Is: Wandering Path 🗺️, Wondrous Universe 🪐, 3 Cups, Queen of Wands rev, 3 Pentacles

Yaaaasss Leo! I smacked my table in agreement 😆 Got me over here knocking shit over. Your life change is a shift in consciousness, a wake up call, realizing things that just aren’t fkn necessary in your life, I love this for you. This involves your friends, family, coworkers, strangers on the internet, people you date, etc. Queen of Wands rev is a bully, a brat, she’s entitled, jealous, and insecure about other people, feeling challenged, triggered, resentful, all because she’s not secure in herself and her current path of life. She’s not a bad person. For some, she can be a particular outside person, or describing several you’re dealing with, 3’s are here twice. For many, she’s you. Or *has been* you.

You may have felt jealous of other people winning, achieving things, celebrating things, things you haven’t gotten yet. Keeping up with the Joneses and whatnot. General animosity and jealousy when it comes to life, people, success. Other people have affected you in negative ways, whether meaning to or not, and you’re realizing…this isn’t who you are! Not at your best. Not because you want to be. It’s just that bitch in the shadows of your mind popping off because…wow she’s really pretty, she has more money, more guts, better job, whatever. The comparing game is dying in you because you’re over it. Like do you even want that shit? No! So what’s the problem 😌 More than anything, you’re confusing your inner insecurities, and those of others. There could have been a projection of thinking everyone else hates you or something, but the issue is yours.

Why It’s Happening: The Fool, The High Priestess, 6 Pentacles

The Fool is a beginning, a fresh start, a new opportunity and outlook on life. He doesn’t know what lies ahead and he doesn’t care, he’s jumping off the cliff whether there’s water on the other side, or jagged rocks, and he’s not concerned about either, he will figure it out as he goes. Wandering Path shows exactly this energy, and even encourages it. So you haven’t had all of the answers, and you haven’t done thing the right way every time, and you’ve failed at some of the things you’ve tried to do. That doesn’t say anything about you. Except that you’re normal. It’s not about having pride/shame or proving others wrong, you learned valuable lessons through all of these experiences and you’ve only come out of them stronger. Some of these relationships you don’t want to just cut off and be rid of, you want to heal them and change them in a new way, by being kind, and opening up to others, being “the bigger person”. That’s an honorable way to be. If that’s the case, then it’s coming from a place of understanding that if others act in a standoffish way towards you, you’ve been that way too, so it’s more of a “no no, that’s unnecessary” kind of mentality. You get it. Growth 🌸

Advice: 9 Pentacles, 4 Wands rev, The Star

Very simply, the advice is to feel secure in yourself, with or without people. With or without approval, others clapping for you, because some won’t and never will. Some are immature af. Some are judgmental and can’t see outside of their own small perspectives, but you can see that and hear that and consciously decide to not accept it, not let it bother you. No one’s judgement of you actually matters, because you’re the one that’s deciding how things are going to be. Appreciate the beauty in everything around you, take your time getting lost in things and exploring unknown hobbies, places, experiences.

You’re fine regardless of what anyone else thinks of you, and you’re being divinely guided on the path you’re supposed to be on. But there’s still free will, detour as much as you want. Everyone has different timelines and life paths, there is not much you have to do, for any reason, because anyone says so. There are people on TikTok who travel the country in vans - and love it, literally you owe no one anything. Keep the people that clap for your happiness, and don’t mind the others, or ditch them altogether. Love who you are, where you are, and where you’re going. Explore everything you want to see or do. The end goal of life is just death, what is this pressure inside of you, there’s really no rush to get to the end 💙

#leo tarot reading #next major life change #September 2023 #Leo #tarot

[wrongplaceworsttime]

I went through your #exmo posts. I see that your parents still follow the faith and you like your parents are nice people. So are they exceptions to the rule or are they also homophobic, sexist and racist? Why do they see the religion differently from you? Surely any good person would see the religion for what it is?

okay i said the religion itself was sexist, racist, homophobic, NOT that every member was. let’s just get that clear first. anyway this got long

for my parents specifically, things aren’t as simple. i love my parents, and i’d say that i generally have a great relationship with them. this does not mean that they haven’t ever done things i think are morally bad. but what’s more important to me is that they’ve learned from those experiences and grown to be better people.

i would never say my parents have been or are sexist or racist. homophobic though… yeah. but they aren’t anymore - or at least not as bad as they used to be. it’s important to note that people are complicated, and so are relationships. people doing a bad thing doesn’t make them an irredeemable bad person, nor does it make you a bad person for still caring about them.

i guess i’d call out two reasons for why i hate the religion that my parents love? they’re sorta connected, but firstly the internet being so accessible to me when i was younger broadened my horizons in ways my parents’ never were. both my mom and dad grew up mormon, in predominantly mormon communities, and so their world view was very limited. i was raised mormon, in a predominately mormon community, but i also had a cell phone and easy access to so many other points of view.

secondly, they’re old. i realized when i was pretty young that i didn’t exactly like being mormon, so there wasn’t as much of my own personal history with the religion to tie me to it. being mormon has been their way of life for so long that i honestly think even if they stopped believing they might not “leave”.

leaving mormonism is pretty damn hard, and i’m not even talking about getting your records removed. it would be estranging yourself from this community you used to be an active part of because, whether they want to admit it or not, mormons are kinda exclusionary. that’s not even getting into how your family may react. i mean i hated the religion while i was still “in” it, and it was hard for me to actually take that final step and stop attending church.

you said that good people can see the truth of the religion, but (and i guess i’m assuming here) you’re an outsider looking in. when you’re a part of it, and you’ve been a part of it for your whole life, you’re going to have blinders on. plus, there’s teachings in mormonism that basically boil down to “if you don’t understand why we believe the things we do, that’s okay, keep believing anyway. you’ll get the answers in the afterlife and it’ll all make sense”. so even if you have questions about why, say, black people couldn’t hold the priesthood until 1978 and how a god who claims to love all of his children could withhold his sacred power from a huge portion of them, as long as you’re a true believer you’re just going to shelve that question as a “i’ll find out when i die!” thing (remember when i said it was culty. this idea that you shouldn’t question things is a part of that)

#can you not add read mores to asks? or is it just cause i’m on mobile? #sorry about that #also: have a little shelf joke for anybody who knows what that means #asks #anon #exmo #long post

[myempirepro-blog]

5 KEYS TO REKINDLING ATTRACTION DURING SEPARATION (How To Make Your Husband Want You All The Time)

We are enjoying having this conversation with you in the comment area.  Leave a question in the comment and we will address it.  If it’s more comfortable, you can also send us an email to [email protected]

  --> READ THE BLOG POST HERE https://lolaandola.com/how-to-make-your-husband-want-you-all-the-time/

--> WATCH VIDEO VERSION HERE https://youtu.be/Dd2Q8mlhyZ8

  In this video, we are adding some context to an answer we gave to Queen some few weeks back.  Be sure to check out that video.  

  It’s called “Unwanted Separation? Use THESE 5 Tips!” It was also a response to an original video called “Ignoring Your Spouse During Separation 💔”

  Here is her response to that video.

  “"Thank you Lola and Ola. I am grateful for you guys. You have opened a new perspective to me. I believe I should work on myself now moving forward. The period of sorrow and grief is coming to an end. 

  About the question if I am a selfish person, the answer is no. I have always given people my time, love and affection. I’d rather love others first. 

  I don’t know how to only focus on me. It’s not healthy. I’d rather give to those who need me. I never put myself first but look for the good of those around me. 

  Hence I helped hubby become who he is today. Now that he’s left I don’t understand what I did wrong to be honest. 

  We spoke a few days ago and he wanted to know what I have been up to. I don’t know why he suddenly is interested to know about my whereabouts but he will not disclose what he’s doing or how he feels. Which I find strange that he’s obsessed with knowing what I am about. 

  I think I need to be more attractive and work on myself more like you mentioned. I will revive my passions and allow time to heal like they say. 

  For now I will focus on what makes me happy and keep me focused. I believe he’s still my husband. I am also going to download your free book now." ~ Queen

So here we go.  To add some context to Queen’s comment, we have created 5 keys to rekindling attraction from a seduction standpoint during a separation.

  Let’s get into it.

Key Number 5

The Art of Obsession

  As always, this is easier said than done.  But it’s a simple concept.  What makes it complex is the complex human mind.

  When you experience rejection at any level,  it breeds obsession and anxiety.  

  But when you are able to garner some self-control and back off just a little bit, you can successfully transfer that obsession and anxiety to the other party.

  It also depends on how much damage may have occurred during the break down of the relationship.  

  If your separated spouse is not the exception minority with no emotional blood flowing in their vein, this works 100% of the time.

  So it’s pretty normal for the obsession to flip to the other side when you take time to back off and allow nature to take its course.

  If your partner needs space, things are bad already and you probably need more space than you realize.

  Key Number 4

Don't Fake The Flip

  So, I want you to allow the obsession and the anxiety to flip from you to your partner naturally and organically.  There are gurus out there teaching people to fake it.

  You can’t afford to fake this stuff because that would be a lie and that would typically mean you have to keep lying to cover up lies.  It’s not worth it because it’s too much energy trying to keep up with it.

It needs to be organic and this awareness right here will make it a little hard.  

  But the way to mitigate that is to really take this rare advantage of time apart to build yourself in every way you can think of; physically, emotionally and spiritually.

  Leave very little room to sit around and allow your mind to wander around about things you can’t control such as sorrow and grief.

  If you can do it, that’s obviously time spent away from obsessing over your estranged partner and that much time for them to start wondering about what you are up to.

  That’s literally a form of attraction.

  It’s organic and natural and proof that you can potentially rekindle attraction in a healthy way so that you can embrace it when you are ready.

  Key Number 3

Don't Run An Empty Cup

  As “Queen” just acknowledged, you can’t afford to pour love into others from an empty cup; it will only drain your energy.  

  Yes we advocate for focusing on “giving” in a healthy relationship and not the falsehood of the “give and take” ideology that a bunch of selfish people are running around with on social media.

  But please, do not take us out of context.  You simply cannot give what you don’t already have.  

  We get this question all the time… “You are telling us to just GIVE but what if we are giving so much that the other person is not reciprocating?”

  Good question.  

  But there is no better way to tell me that you are not giving anything to yourself.  You are emptying out yourself to your partner.

  That’s the only way you can have time to notice that they don’t reciprocate but you are not necessarily wrong; just a thought to consider.

  And worse, you are setting them up with false metrics of expectations that are based purely on your disappointed emotions. 

  You can’t win together like that. You might win alone and effectively destroy the relationship.  But let’s be guided.

  When you can demonstrate the ability to take care of yourself, there is almost nothing sexier than that when it comes to rekindling attraction again.

  And of course, they naturally can’t wait to get on your good side.

  Key Number 2

Be Indifferent

  Once you’ve managed to organically flip that obsession and anxiety over to the other side, do not prematurely engage.

  Sure it’s attractive but it needs to be tested with time and persistence which must be demonstrated on all sides.

  Don’t play games with this if you haven’t gone through an outright rejection from your spouse.  That will make it fake, manipulative and it can backfire badly.

  But in the case of what “Queen” described, she needs to disconnect as much as possible from wondering what she did wrong and why he is suddenly obsessed.

  The bottom line is that he is obsessed because that’s attraction at play but more importantly, how she responds to it needs to showcase indifference.

  What that means is that how you feel is neither here nor there.  You are okay with whatever the outcome is and you will take your time because you are busy learning how to take care of yourself.

  It might drive one or both of you wild.

But the attraction needs to be tested for strength because there is a real reason why a separation became reality in the first place.

  It doesn’t matter if you are “the man” or “the woman”.  The same attraction principle is applicable if you are feeling the emotions of rejection.

  You can re-engage your seduction power and redirect the course.

  Key Number 1

Self Love Is Still key

  What if you lost your partner forever?  Yea.  What if?  If you can’t handle that reality in your mind right now, it’s probably showing as needy behavior on the surface.

  That’s not sexy.

  It’s like no wonder they are running away from that.

  The moment they can see that you are capable of loving yourself adequately, they will always regret a decision of not working on your relationship.

  That self-love will attract a better companionship to you with or without your spouse; it’s non-negotiable. 

  And again, we are not talking to selfish people.  Self-love as a religious talking point and ideology can also destroy you and everything you care about.

  We are speaking from experience.  

  We share our own story inside the book "GET MY MARRIAGE BACK" which  you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com

  Please support this video by hitting the thumbs up and share with us below what you'd like us to cover on the next video.

Check out this episode!

[elucubrare]

It is SO bleakly funny that Apple photos now puts my NYC photos in the same category as my Florence & Edinburgh pictures

#never know you love her till you let her go #(except my experience was very much ‘you don’t realize how bad a relationship is #until you’re free of it’ #I was 100% gaslit by New York into thinking it was the only place I could live) #fifty yards of yellow theatrical silk

[baeddel]

Please. Please can you tell me what a baeddel is and why people (terfs?) used it in a derogatory manner on this website for a hot minute but now no one ever uses it at all

you asked for it, fucker

[2k words; philology and drama]

baeddel is an Old English word. i have no idea where it actually occurs in the Old English written corpus, but it occurs in a few placenames. its diminuitive form, baedling, is much better documented. it appears in the (untranslated) Canons of Theodore, a penitential handbook, a sort of guidebook for priests offering advice on what penances should be recommended for which sins. in a passage devoted to sexual transgressions it gives the penances suggested for a man who sleeps with a woman, a man who sleeps with another man, and then a man who sleeps with a baedling. so you have this construction of a baedling as something other than a man or a woman. and then it gives the penance for a baedling who sleeps with another baedling (a ludicrous one-year fast). then, by way of an explaination, Theodore delivers us one of the most enigmatic phrases in the Old English corpus: "for she is soft, like an adulturess."

the -ling suffix in baedling is masculine. but Theodore uses feminine pronouns and suffixes to describe baedlings. as we said, it's also used separately from male and female. but it's also used separately from their words for intersex and it never appears in this context. all of this means that you have this word that denotes a subject who is, as Christopher Monk put it, "of problematic gender." interested historians have typically interpreted it as referring to some category of homosexual male, such as Wayne R. Dines in his two-volume Encyclopedia of Homosexuality who discusses it in the context of an Old English glossary which works a bit like an Old English-Latin dictionary, giving Old English words and their Latin counterparts. the Latin words the Anglo-Saxon lexicographer chose to correspond with baedling were effeminatus and mollis, and Lang concludes that it refers to an "effeminate homosexual" (pg 60, Anglo Saxon). this same glossary gives as an Old English synonym the word waepenwifstere which literally means "woman with a penis," and which Dines gives the approximate translation (hold on tight) male wife.

R. D. Fulk, a philologist and medievalist, made a separate analysis of the term in his study on the Canons of Theodore 'Male Homoeroticism in the Old English Canons of Theodore', collected in Sex and Sexuality in Medieval England, 2004. he analysed it as a 'sexual category' (sexual as in sexuality), owing to the context of sexual transgressions in the Canons. he decides that it refers to a man who bottoms in sexual relationships with another man. i don't have the article on hand so i'm not sure what his reasoning was, but this seems obviously inadequate given what we know from the glossary described by Dines. Latin has a word for bottom, pathica, and the lexicographer did not use this in their translation, preferring words that emphasized the baedling's femininity like effeminatus, and doesn't address the sexual context at all. Dines, however, only reading this glossary, seems to decide that it refers to a type of male homosexual too hastily, considering the Canons explicitly treat them separately. both Dines and Fulk immediately reduce the baedling to a subcategory of homosexual when neither of the sources to hand actually do so themselves.

by now it should be obvious why, seven or so years ago, we interpreted it as an equivalent to trans woman. I mean come on - a woman with a penis! these days I tend to add a bit of a caution to this understanding, which is that trans woman is the translation of baedling which seems most adequate to us, just as baedling was the translation of effeminatus that seemed most adequate to our lexicographer. but the term cannot translate perfectly; its sense was derived from some minimal context; a legal context, a doctrinal context, and so forth... the way Anglo-Saxons understood sex/gender is complicated but it has been argued that they had a 'one sex model' and didn't regard men and women as biologically separate types, which is obviously quite different from the sexual model accepted today; in any case they didn't have access to the karyotype and so on. the basic categories they used to understand gender and sexuality were different from ours. in particular, Hirschfield et al. should be understood as a particularly revolutionary moment in the genealogy of transsexuality; the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft essentially invented the concept of the 'sex change', the 'transition', conceived as a biological passage from one sex to the other. even in other contexts where (forgive me) #girlslikeus changed their bodies in some way, like the castration of the priestesses of Cybele, or those belonging to the various historical societies which we believe used premarin for feminization [disputed; see this post], there is no record that they were ever considered men at any stage or had some kind of male biology that preceded their 'gender identity.' the concept of the trans woman requires the minimal context of the coercive assignment at birth and its subsequent (civil and bio-technological) rejection. i have never encountered evidence that this has ever been true in any previous society. nonetheless, these societies still had gendered relations, and essentially wherever we find these gendered relations we also find some subject which is omitted or for whom it has been necessary to note exceptions. what is of chief interest to us is not so much that there was such a subject here or there in history (and whatever propagandistic uses this fact might have), but understanding why these regularities exist.

a very parsimonious explanation is that gender is a biological reality, and there is some particular biological subject which a whole host of words have been conjured to denote. if this were the case then we would expect that, no matter what gender/sexual system we encounter in a given society, it will inevitably find some linguistic expression. if, like me, you find this idea revolting, then you should busy yourself trying to come up with an alternative explanation which is not just plausible, but more plausible. my best guesses are outside the scope of this answer...

anyway, all of this must be very interesting to the five or six people invested in the confluence of philology and gender studies. but why on earth did it become so widely used, in so many strange and unusual contexts, in the 2010s? we're very sorry, but yes, it's our fault. you see apart from all of this, there is also a little piece of information which goes along with the word baeddel, which is that it's the root of the Modern English word bad. by way of, no less, the word baedan, 'to defile'. how this defiled historical subject came to bear responsibility for everything bad to English-speakers doesn't seem to be known from linguistic evidence. however, it makes for a very pithy little remark on transmisogyny. my dear friend [REDACTED] made a playful little post making this point and, good Lord, had we only known...

it went like this. its such a funny little idea that we all start changing our urls to include the word baeddel. in those days it was common to make puns with your url (we always did halloween and christmas ones); i was baeddelaire, a play on the French poet Baudelaire. while we all still had these urls a series of events which everyone would like to forget happened, and we became Enemies of Everyone in the Whole World. because of the url thing people started to call us "the baeddels." then there was "a cult" called "the baeddels" and so forth. this cult had various infamies attatched to it and a constellation of indefensible political positions. ultimately we faced a metric fucking shit ton of harassment, including, for some of my friends, really serious and bad irl harassment that had long-term bad awful consequences relating to stable housing and physical safety and i basically never want to talk about that part of my life ever again. and i never have to, because i've come to realize that for most people, when they use the word baeddel, they don't know about that stuff. it doesn't mean that anymore.

so what does it mean? you'll see it in a few contexts. TERFs do use it, as you guessed. i am not quite sure what they really mean by it and how it differs from other TERF barbs. i think being a baeddel invovles being politically active or at least having a political consciousness, but in a way thats distinct from just any 'TRA' or trans activist. so perhaps 'militant' trans women, but perhaps also just any trans woman with any opinions at all. how this was transmitted from tumblr/west coast tranny drama to TERF vocabulary i have no idea. but you will also find - or, could have found a few years ago - i would say 'copycat' groups who didn't know us or what we believed but heard the rumours, and established their own (generously) organizations (usually facebook groups) dedicated to putting those principles into practice. they considered themselves trans lesbian separatists and did things like doxx and harass trans women who dated cafabs. if you don't know about this, yes, there really were such groups. they mostly collapsed and disappeared because they were evildoers who based their ideology on a caricature. i knew a black trans woman who was treated very badly by one of these groups, for predictable reasons. so long-time readers: if you see people talking about their bad experiences with 'baeddels', you can't necessarily relate it to the 2014 context and assume they're carrying around old baggage. there are other dreams in the nightmare.

the most common way you'll see it today, in my experience, is in this form: people will say that it was a "slur" for trans women. they might bring up that it's the root of the word bad, and they might even think that you shouldn't use the word bad because of it, or that you shouldn't use the word baeddel because it's a slur. all of this is a silly game of internet telephone and not worth addressing. except to say that it's by no means clear that baeddel, or baedling, were slurs, or even insulting at all. while Theodore doesn't provide us with a description of how we can have sex with a baedling without sinning, and it may be the case that any sexual relations with a baedling was considered sinful, sexuality-based transgressions were not taken all that seriously in those days. there was a period where homosexuality within the Church was almost sanctioned, and it wasn't until much later that homosexuality became so harshly proscribed, to the extent that it was thought to represent a threat to society, etc. and as i mentioned, there are places in England named after baedlings. there is a little parish near Kent which is called Badlesmere, Baeddel's Lake, which was recorded in the Anglo-Saxon Domesday Book (as having a lord, a handful of villagers and a few slaves; perhaps only one or two households). it's not unheard of, but i just don't know very many places called Faggot Town or some such. it's possible that baedlings had some role in Anglo-Saxon society which we are not aware of; it could even have been a prestigious one, as it was in other societies. there is just no evidence other than a couple of passing references in the literature and we'll probably never have a complete picture.

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

This letter goes out to those of you who caught feelings for their best friend.

The realization that you have a crush on your best friend can be beautiful but also very confusing. It’s normal to have lots of questions and doubts. Let's look at some of them:

- "What if I actually just like them as a friend and confuse that with romantic feelings?" "What if this is just a phase?" "What if I am straight and they are my one exception?"

These kinds of questions can be caused by internalized heteronormativity (that means you feel like it’s normal to be straight and abnormal to be gay because that’s what society taught you). That is a pretty common experience for young gay people - feeling confused about your feelings is not proof that they aren't real!

But (and that’s even more important): Even if if you are confused and will change your mind or if your best friend is your one big exception - so what? Many people have a crush and later on discover it wasn’t actually true love. That doesn’t make them evil, it's a common human experience. Crushes can be temporary. Your crush being your best friend changes nothing about that.

Allow yourself to feel the butterflies in your stomach. Enjoy those nice emotions you feel for your friend. Don’t steal your own joy by over-analyzing it. You are allowed to enjoy this right here and now, no matter how you may feel in ten years.

- "Am I a bad person for crushing on my best friend?"

No. You’re not a bad person for having a crush - and that includes all the silly things having a crush can make you do: You daydream about your friend all day long? Completely normal when you have a crush! It's actually good for you, daydreams help your brain to sort things out. You enjoy hugs embarrassingly much? Unless you force touch on them that they don’t want, this is perfectly okay! They wouldn’t hug you if they didn’t enjoy it as well, even if it’s in a non-romantic way.

- "But my best friend is taken and/or straight, doesn't that make me a creep?"

Falling in love with someone you can’t have happens to so many people. Don’t worry about it - you don't choose who you catch feelings for, it's not by default creepy to crush on someone unavaible. (The obvious exception is if you'd harrass them or try to break up their relationship)

- "Should I tell them I like them?"

Sadly I can’t answer this for you. It heavily depends on the circumstances and there’s no general guideline.

Some things you may consider before you decide are: How would you cope if they react badly? If you are in the closet, are you in a position where it’s safe to come out? Have you two ever talked about lgbt+ topics before and how did they react? Are they trustworthy? (Yes, you like them but are they the kind of person who will tell everyone and their aunt about your feelings for them? If yes, how would this affect you?)

Last but not least: Beautiful love stories can blossom from friendship and “We were friends for years before we started dating” is quite common. So, (especially if you know your friend is single and lgbt+, too): I’ll cross my fingers for you, best of luck! <3

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt #lgbt+