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juudaimes-true-form · 1 year

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Eggo o/ Just a diary entry for my character on the mobile game Postknight 2 developed by Kurechii! I honestly love it and I couldn't stop myself from giving my character a backstory (because of course I would~). Like I said earlier, it's in a diary entry from that I hope to turn into a series to track my babe's development through the course of the game!

Location: Caldemount Week 11

I’m trying to be more consistent with my entries. I want to keep a diary of all my experiences, to remember how I felt during this time. After the Pompon affair with the cultists, I moved on to Caldemount –home of the nobles. My home. It was strange being back as a visitor instead of living here. There was a sense of danger being around Caldemount, the worry that I’d meet someone I recognized and they’d look down on me.

Since I’ve run away, my parents have withheld any funding. It’s not too bad and I get by on my own money fine enough but it is clearly not anything compared to before. I have 2 pairs of clothes, a shirt and pants and a similar shirt and skirt. That’s it. They aren’t even fancy. Just some plain Postknights clothes I bought when I was a trainee in Maille. I haven’t bought any new clothes since.

That’d make it sound like I’ve been saving money, huh. Nope! I could be. Most innkeepers offer me a reduced price for a room and I’m not really buying too much food besides for my pets (I don’t think I’ve talked about my cutie pippops! They’re adorable <3). So what am I spending money on? A r m o u r

I have a problem that became increasingly clear after I found myself stalking outside Merchant Carle’s shop in Pompon to get my hands on a Volcan shield to complete my Volcan set. I even dared step foot in the cave (which I hate) just to see if I could find some legendary armor. For the record, I did not. I did, however, end up buying Ruxus rations for no real reason. Since I couldn’t find armour, I comforted myself by buying random things! That’s not good. I’ve never had to really manage money before but even I could tell that impulse shopping is not good.

At least my lust for armour drives me to make more money by deliveries and patrols. Just… I think I can manage it for now. Once I start obsessing over upgrading and collecting armour that’s when I’ll really be a tight bind. I hadn’t noticed before, but those are expensive. Definitely not something I can do regularly on a Postknight salary.

Aside from making me realize my armor-collection obsession, Caldemount was a rather nice place! The lower classes weren’t as distant as I’d grown up thinking of them. Silas, the town’s alchemist, was a flirt who seemed to never run out of sweet words to say (don’t take them to heart, though, the man’s passionately married with a kid he adores!). Dahlia, Rosavern’s new innkeeper, is a bold lady who is amazing to be around.

Seeing the Rosavern brought some nostalgia. Vaguely, I remembered the Old Man Rosavern, Dahlia’s father, and wondered when he’d passed the Rosavern along. I never paid much attention to small things like this before. I thought as long as I had access to Rose Wine Steak, it didn’t really matter who was manning the inns. But speaking to Dahlia, it must have meant alot to her when she’d been entrusted with her father’s pride and joy. I wish I’d known the Rosaverns sooner, maybe I could have celebrated with them. If I’d cared more, cared to know more, maybe we could have been friends.

And know her patrons! Especially Xander~ I’ve only met him twice, both unintentionally. He’d left his experimental kit at the Rosavern where he was staying while gathering some materials for the scholar he was apprenticed under. Dahlia asked me to return it to him before he was too far out to turn back.

He was cute. Blue and pink hair. In uniform. Forgetful but so perceptive. I wanted to know him better instantly. But he didn’t seem to feel the same. I got a name, of course, Xander, but all he wanted was his kit. Our interaction was brief and ended with a thanks –not even a posting address or anything. I’d honestly thought I’d blown it completely! I like to think I can be sauve when I need it but, Eolin’s bells, I’d completely failed when I needed it the most.

While all this was going on, I had a letter to deliver to the Princess. An official request for aid from Caldemount to Pompon. I would have delivered it earlier had Osric agreed to take it. That’s right, I spoke with the Royal Guardmaster Osric. He’s a bit rough around the edges towards us Postknights, but I can understand that much. As guardmaster the safety and protection of the Royal family and Caldemount rests squarely on his shoulders. An organization as large and independent as the Postknights who deliver items to anyone regardless of affiliation or cause is a day plain danger.

I’ve met him once before this but I can’t remember why…. Either way, I’ve looked up the strict and strong Osric for a long time. To think I’d actually talk to him in my life and as a Postknight no less was a wild dream for me. And, true to his personality and reputation, he didn’t let me hand off the letter to him but rather go through proper procedure. What a thorough man!

I had to wait about 5 days for my audience with the princess (which is lucky! I’ve heard it can take weeks…) I suppose being a Postknight and knowing the Royal Advisor has its perks~ Everything was sent to go right. Just needed to hand off a letter. Guardmaster Osric was present, of course!, and there were a couple of other people. Including a Postknight looking a little sour.

Just when I was about to hand over the knightmail, that Postknight rushed to stuff a knightmail into her hand which opened to reveal a bomb inside that went off almost immediately. Osric leaped into action (like the knight he is~) and the Princess fled. Nobody was hurt, thankfully, but now the Postknights had a real problem of our own. The terrorist was clearly in Postknight gear using knightmail which is exclusive to the Postknights. Evidence, as it is, could not be more damning in pointing out Postknights as clearly the culprit –a dangerous organization.

How are we supposed to clear our name when everything is pointing at us? I can’t even begin to imagine what my family would say! Just imagine it: I, second son of a knight family, was caught up in treason shortly after parting ways with my family. It sounds like I was planning it. It sounds like my family was aware. Whoever this terrorist is… I’ll make him regret making such a bold move. I’ve got a name to clear.

Vengefully Signed, Gionachi V.

#juudywrites #postknight 2 #writing #fanfic #my oc

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abrushwithdeath · 2 years

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@forgivingtouches

“We Broke Up But I’m Still In Love With You” Sentence Starters

‘‘ you don’t know how much it hurts me seeing you with someone else. ‘‘

One year. Eight months. Eleven days. That's how long it had been that she'd sat with her broken heart, felt herself hollowed out. An empty, aching, void. She supposed the fault was her own, in hindsight. She and Dimitri had always had their differences- at the core of it, she thought, was how they were raised. His life wasn’t perfect, but he had loving parents. A family. Many of the things he’d been raised to believe and value were things that she had been taught could be used against you. Her childhood had been turbulent- losing her mother, an absent father, authoritative aunt as a caregiver... then she had her anger and hurt molded as a weapon by the two women who had taken her in, the two women she still, to this day, called “mother”. Although love was given, it was just as well withheld when needed. It was something she believed that could be lost at any moment, for any reason... and that terrified her more than anything else possibly could. Because love, beyond all else, was the one thing she craved so deeply that it could be a poison. Add to that being an emotionally stunted girl of just 20 with the power to kill on contact who has spent the last 8 or so years collecting voices in your head… the noise, the self-doubt, the fear, can be suffocating. So much so that you give away pieces of your mind in the hopes of easing the agony of it, even if just for a few moments. And, in return, you become impossible. An amalgamation of too many thoughts that lead to dead ends, no purpose or direction. Of course it eventually becomes easier to close yourself off to the rest of the world for it. To take a step back and think that connection is not something you’re capable of, not something you’re allowed to have. (If she was meant to connect to others, why would her mutation keep her from ever being able to touch another without consequence?) It's cruel to believe such things, to let them grab you by the throat and direct you to hurt the people you love most in the name of some twisted sense of saving them, saving yourself. Of all the people she had hurt with this, her achingly unending thoughts, the subsequent behavior, was the most needlessly cruel to Dimitri. How could she have ever expected him to handle the turbulent parts of herself when even she was, at the time, incapable of it? How could she have ever asked him to stay at her side despite her overbearing urge to push him away? Kindness can only hold people together for so long. So when the end had come at his behest, at her frequent urging in moments of turmoil, it had not been a surprise. It had, however, gutted her. Left her raw and burning in a way she hadn't anticipated. Loneliness, she came to remember, was not a friend. It was just another barrier- one which could keep out the hurt, but which would also keep out the joy.

But one year, eight months, and eleven days was almost enough to help her heal. It was long enough for her to realize he was not coming back this time and her only option was to move forward instead of remaining in the tragedy of the past. She had seen him do as much, after all. Not that they had been in contact, really, but she heard things from Scott who heard things from Julie. He had someone new. And then another. And when Scott opened his mouth to casually mention the next, she shut him down with a raised hand. The thought of him moving on was bittersweet- he should. He should be enjoying this time without her, using the opportunity to find someone who was better than she had been, better than she could ever be. He shouldn’t hold himself back. After all, he had broken up with her for a reason, and she had let him go with those same thoughts: they were not right for each other. Not in the moment. Maybe not ever. In fact, she was sure that she wasn’t right for anyone. Not then, at least. Adding the ups and downs of a relationship to the things she was already dealing with on her own had probably been a poor choice on her part. But when things were good, she had never in her life felt better. The lows, on the other hand, were the worst kind of pain. The kind that seeps into your mind and body, lingers there- metallic, ink stained, ready to be built upon or to bleed as needed.

And now it was another three months and twenty-four days beyond even that. Three months and twenty-four days of a new relationship. She was far from fixed- fractured and frightened even still. But there was something easier about it now. She thought at first, that it was him that made the difference: Remy LeBeau was kind, he was understanding, and despite the flirtations from early on, he never pushed her to change who she was. He never made her feel bad for the distance she had to keep between them- physical and emotional. But in reflection upon it, she realized that it was not him who made the difference- Dimitri had never once lacked in patience or compassion, he’d never once made her feel like he was expecting something from her that she couldn’t give him. Everything had come down to her. She had not been patient with herself. She had not been kind to herself. She had let the nagging negativity, the insistence that she was not good enough, dig so deeply into her that it had become her. There was, for a time, only darkness. And she had pushed Dimitri away from it with such force that he had no choice but to keep his distance as she imploded in upon herself like a dying star. If he had stayed, she may have destroyed him, too.

But it was now just over two years of separation. Two years in which she had hardly seen him, spoken to him. Two years of getting the help she needed to overcome herself, to mend the parts of her that had been so badly damaged that she’d thought she was beyond repair. She would never be okay. Not completely. But she was better than she had been. She was closer, now, to the person she wished she had been when Dimitri had taken a chance on her. It was often that she wondered how much he had changed, too. If maybe the people they were now were the people they had needed to be to make things work. Sometimes, she even considered calling him just to say hello. Just to see if he ever wondered the same things she did. To maybe, just maybe, hear him say “I miss you”. Even now, even when they both had someone new, the urge stuck her more often than she’d like to admit. Because she had felt love with him unlike anything she had ever felt before. And it didn’t matter that the man she was with now was smart and sweet and funny, because a fraction of her was always wishing he was Dimitri. She questioned if Dimitri ever had that problem, too. She doubted it.

Or, she had doubted it until tonight. The Avengers and the X-Men were disconnected in many ways, yet the Professor had thought it best to try to bring about a union of sorts. They were better off working together than apart, and letting people see them working together might help ease people into an acceptance.

Coming to this little “party”, or whatever it was meant to be, Anna Marie knew she might see Dimitri there. The Avengers were, in a way, his family after all. Much like the X-Men were hers. There was, again, an internal conflict inside the young woman- she didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want to reopen old wounds by watching him talk and laugh with other people while he avoided her. She didn’t want to catch him with his arm around someone else’s waist, let her eyes linger when he kissed them. Yet she wanted him to be there. Wanted to see with her own eyes that he was happy, maybe even more so without her in the picture. She wanted to see him smile, even if it was just a glimpse from across the room, wanted to see the way it reached his eyes in good humor. She wanted to stop him for just a second, if just for the idle conversation of two people who had once been each other’s everything but were now little more than strangers passing one another by. She wanted to ask him, “How have you been?” and keep the details of her own heartbreak to herself as they exchanged momentary pleasantries. She just wanted to hear his voice, something more than the overplayed last message he’d left her two days before they’d been torn apart, still lingering on her phone like she was clinging to a ghost. Yet she was ill prepared when she saw him. There was an arm around her waist, fingers pressed to her hip, Remy speaking to Ororo about something... as she watched him walk in with another girl. God, she was gorgeous, and even in this dress that Kitty had helped her pick out, Anna Marie felt that she paled in comparison. Good. Good for him. It’s what she’d wanted, right? For him to move on. To find someone better. So why was the jealousy so bitterly settled in her throat? But she turned her attention towards Remy instead, ripped her eyes and mind away from Dimitri. Enough that she didn’t catch the moment that he looked her way. The same moment that Remy leaned down to steal a kiss that reverberated inside of her like a familiar tune. And all evening they played this game. She stole glances in his direction when she thought no one would notice. Watched with heartache as he kept his distance. They were circling one another, it seemed- always moving, never meeting. She had half a mind to find an excuse to “accidentally” bump into him, to apologize for the mistake and spout some lie about “I didn’t realize you were here!” even if she knew he’d see right through it. But she needn’t find an excuse, she soon realized, because Remy had walked away to mingle with some of the others, and this time when she stole a glance in Dimitri’s direction... their eyes met from across the room and her heart stopped. It was a flurry of emotion that spilled through her, and she considered walking right up to him, telling him “I’ve missed you” and praying that he’d say it back. But she felt her chest tighten and when her heart began to thrum in her chest once again, it was with a quick rhythm. Two years. She hadn’t seen him in two years. And yet the reaction she had just from meeting his eyes was so visceral she could hardly even think. She couldn’t have even suggested how long she stayed like that- a second, an hour, it all felt the same to her, as if time had stopped and sped up all at once. But she knew when she couldn’t maintain it any longer... and with a shuddered breath, she turned away from him, walked her way to an empty corridor to clear her head. She hadn’t heard him follow. Had barely heard the sound of his “hello”. She hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. She’d thought, so assuredly, that she was past this enough that seeing him here tonight would ease her troubled heart, let her move on. Instead, it was quite the opposite. She had the sudden realization, when he was standing in front of her, that if he asked her to leave with him, she actually might. Because all she wanted to do was reach out to him, pull him into a kiss and see if all the feelings were only in her head or if they were still there, nestled in the space between them. The conversation was small at first, simple. Maybe even a little awkward while they found their pacing. But there was a comfortable quality to it once they started, as if there had not been two years between their last conversation and now, but only a few hours. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. Maybe they could even be friends again? Then a lull causes her to second guess herself, second guess this. She leans back against the wall- an attempt at a casual air? Or an attempt to make herself smaller? To get just a little further away? She’s not entirely sure. In the second that follows, she plans to slip away, to say “It was nice to see you” and end this before she can fall too hard all over again. But he was the first to break the silence, and her whole body ached for it. “You don’t know how much it hurts me seeing you with someone else.” She was quiet, gauging his words, her own response. Should she leave it here? Walk away? Or should she be honest with him? “I think I do.” She finally answered, her words soft, almost ashamed. Because the truth was that it had been hurting her all night. Small daggers to the chest each time. She crossed her arms loosely- defensive, but not against him. Defensive because she knew she was vulnerable. She knew that, even after this long, in just these few short minutes, she had placed her heart right back into the palm of his hand. “Ya know... I think you’d like ‘im.” She said, the hint of a melancholic smile touching at the edge of her lips, “He’s real nice once ya get to know ‘im. And he’s got the most ridiculous sense’a humor...” But she wasn’t looking at Dimitri anymore, was instead looking down at her shoes- she’d never been a big fan of heels, and right now she was almost regretting wearing them. She was regretting a lot of things. “Dimitri-” Her voice was soft, and she felt so small, so defenseless, and yet so perfectly at home with him so close to her. She could have cried if she wasn’t careful, “I’m sorry. For everything. For... for being so scared. For pushin’ you away. For not... not knowin’ who I was or who I wanted to be, and for placin’ that all on you, like I thought maybe ya could fix me. I was just a kid, but so were you. And you didn’t deserve any’a that misplaced hurt or anger. You were always so patient with me, even when maybe you shouldn’t’a been.” It wasn’t everything she had been wanting to say, but it was enough for now. Maybe he’d find some peace in it. Maybe she would, too. Though there was one last thought, one small, thing she had to ask because if she didn’t, she’d regret it, “When we were together...” She could feel the tears pricking at her eyes as she looked up at him, and she did her damndest not to let them escape despite how heavily this question weighed on her chest, “Were you ever really happy? ‘Cause I... I think... despite everything... I’ve never been as happy as when I was with you.” And she had the sinking feeling that maybe she never would be again.

#forgivingtouches #((Apparently I've just been in a big writing mood the last couple days- but for very specific pieces of angst xD #Hopefully I'll get the Julie dying one done tomorrow xD))#( Oh darling don't you know / My only heart is beating for you ) Dimitri & Rogue

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melodiouswhite · 3 years

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Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde rewritten - Ch. 61

Chapter Sixty-One: Everyday life

“Ah, Dr. Faust!”, Dr. Lanyon said, “You're here for your appointment?”

“No, I want to learn how to dance ballet”, the German doctor retorted sarcastically.

Lanyon mock-gasped: “What, you can't dance ballet???”

“I don't need it in my everyday life, so why would I learn it?”

“Point taken. Do sit down. So, tell me, how have you been?”

The alchemist arched an eyebrow. “Do you want a typically English answer, or-?”

“An honest one.”

“Breathing is unusually hard lately”, Dr. Faust told him. “Must be the asthma and the permanent after-effects from smoke poisoning.”

“If you don't mind, smoke poisoning from what?”, Lanyon queried.

“The Thirty Years War. Everything was on fire back then. Then there were the witch hunts – I can't even remember how many times they tried to burn me at the stake.”

“Oh my god!”

“The 17th century was that brutal, Dr. Lanyon. Don't mind it.”

“But I do!”, Lanyon protested. “And don't act so nonchalant! If you're not traumatised after those horrible experiences of war, I seriously have to question your humanity!”

Dr. Faust sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose: “It's long in the past. And I'd rather not talk about it to you. I may be able to look into your mind and hear your thoughts, but that doesn't change the fact, that I hardly know you.”

Trust issues. That was something Lanyon was more than familiar with.

“You're right”, he gave in. “Let's talk about it no longer. Right now, the more pressing issue is the surgery.”

Lady Summers was filing her therapy protocols.

A tedious task, but it had to be done.

More than often it took hours to sort everything into her abundant folders, of which some were thicker than the others. The countess always sorted her folders alphabetically and the protocols and notes inside them chronologically.

The one she was working on right now was the newest folder of her friend Victor Frankenstein – it was one of the biggest ones in her archive. After all, he had been alive for almost 130 years, she had known him for over forty years and the man had a lot of issues, some of them impossible to get rid of. Victor was a complete mess (and kind of a tool) and most of it he had brought upon himself. Sometimes Lady Summers couldn't help but question, why they were still friends. Probably pity and a tad of sympathy – they had been through the same torture all those years ago.

With a sigh, she finished filing the newest of her notes and protocols. She would need a new folder for Victor's case and he already had six of them.

All of her friends had several folders, even Dr. Jekyll, who had been her client for only a few months (then again, he had more problems than most of her clients).

Lady Summers closed the file, put it back into the shelf, went downstairs and prepared to go out.

It was Monday evening, when she would habitually visit the local police stations and prisons.

Not because she liked going there, but because the police liked to spare themselves the trouble of actually doing research by employing her mind-reading abilities. They tipped her handsomely for her service and that was the only reason, why she cooperated with them.

But that didn't stop Lady Summers from taking her frustration out on them for not using their own brains. Really, was it too much to ask, that they just did their job and deduced their cases without the help of a civilian?!

Her butler helped her into her jacket, cloak and shoes, Aoimoku handed her her parasol and they went on their way.

Marie would handle everything in the meantime.

When the three arrived there, Lady Summers gave a curt nod to the porter, before entering the building.

Almost everyone in the room turned to look at her and there was some mumbling from one or the other.

“Good evening, inspector Grumman”, she greeted the oldest of them.

Then she turned to the youngest man in the room: “I see, you're new. Well, good evening, officer Joyce. I hope your wife is feeling better?”

She almost laughed at how the young man stared at her for solid five seconds.

But then he recovered: “U-uhm, yes. M-my wife is feeling better, thank you. But how did you know my name and that she was sick?”

She smiled sweetly: “I'm Lady Summers. It's a pleasure to meet you. Anyway, inspector”, she turned back to Grumman. “I assume you have new-”

“Oh, good evening, Lady Summers!” Another inspector stepped forward and she withheld a groan, when she recognised D.I. Blackwood.

“How good to see you, Milady! If I may say, that's an exquisite dress! You look queenly toni-”

“Yes, yes”, she interrupted him, “words are cheap and so are your attempts at flattery. Let's get started, shall we?”

“Thank you so much for your time, Dr. Jekyll”, the woman sighed in relief. “You truly are one of the best physicians I have ever met.”

“Oh, stop it, Madam!”, Jekyll chuckled. “One of these days the flattery will get to my head and I can't possibly let that happen! Who knows, what that would do to my judgement! Anyway, you don't need to worry. It's just a common cold. Be sure to keep warm, drink lots of herbal infusions (peppermint, sage, lavender and ginger, mixed with honey, do a world of good against a sore throat), rest as much as you can and be sure to air the room regularly. But if it gets worse, be sure to send for me. Have a good day and get well soon!”

The woman nodded and saw herself out.

Jekyll took five minutes to air the room, before calling the next patient in.

“Good morning, Mr. Blake”, he greeted the man. “Oh dear, I see the pollen season is taking its toll on you.”

Before the man could answer, he sneezed violently into the room.

The Doctor couldn't help but frown. “Mr. Blake, how many times do I have to tell you to please sneeze into a handkerchief or into the crook of your elbow! It's common decency!”, he added pointedly, when the old man opened his mouth to nag.

This is going to be a long, long, week.

“Alright, Sir Carew”, Utterson spoke to his elderly client. “Is there anything more you have to discuss with me?”

“No, no”, the old politician chuckled. “This is all for now. Thank you kindly, Mr. Utterson. You're always such a big help.”

“It's always my pleasure”, the lawyer replied. “Before you go, I heard that you're going to retire from the Parliament?”

“Ah, yes”, Sir Carew confirmed. “I'm beginning to feel my age, I must admit. I'm planning to retire into the country, once I am retired and my daughter has got married. And once that day comes, I would be happy, if you could assist me in ordering my possessions.”

“I will gladly do so”, Utterson promised. “How is your daughter anyway?”

Carew smiled: “Ah, she is as darling as ever. To be fair, it worries me how many suitors she has. You can never know, if they just want your daughter for her beauty, if they truly love her.”

“Well, I have no children, so I can't really relate”, Utterson stated.

For a second he wondered how an old man like Sir Danvers Carew could have such a young daughter (she was not quite twenty), but then he remembered, that Carew had adopted her.

Maybe my own memory is getting rusty.

“By the way, how is Lady Summers?”, Carew inquired out of the blue, startling the other. “After all, she was quite ill used at the royal gala over a month ago.”

“Oh. Her Ladyship is fine”, Utterson told him. “In fact, she visited her father-in-law in Cornwall earlier this month. She returned to London a week ago, you can visit her yourself, if you wish. I'm certain she will be delighted to have tea and crumpets with you.”

“Oh, wonderful”, the older man cried in delight. “Really, that baron was such an animal towards her! She could have died from internal injuries!”

“Hm, she had the good fortune of several capable physicians being there as well”, the lawyer pointed out (wishing Carew would stop talking about that accursed gala already).

“Indeed. The Lady always had fortune on her side – then again, fortune favours the bold. And speaking of them, how are they? I seem to recall, that they are intimate friends of yours?”

“You could say that”, Utterson confirmed, albeit apprehensively. “We have known each other since our school days, so we're very close.”

“Well, give them my regards and my thanks for being such good friends to you and to the countess. And while you're at that, won't you give my thanks to that young brown-haired man, who saved my daughter from that scoundrel's clutches? What was his name again …”

“Mr. Hyde”, the lawyer supplied.

“Right! Anyway, give him and Dr. Jekyll my thanks. As Lisa's father it put me quite at ease to see two gentlemen help my daughter out without ulterior motives.”

Utterson nodded. “I will let them know next time I meet them. Have a nice evening, Sir.”

Then he saw his client off.

He didn't ask, whether Carew remembered, that Hyde was the very same man, who had almost killed him the year before and if yes, how he was feeling about that.

I will just have to ask Lady Summers, he decided. I pray she will be willing to enlighten me, because something about this is making me anxious.

#the strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde #dr faustus #dr. jekyll #henry jekyll #hastie lanyon #dr lanyon #gabriel john utterson #mr. utterson #sir danvers carew #oc #johann georg faust

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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Thoughts on Maryse actually earning a redemption? I liked her character post redemption but the whole arc felt rushed, unearned, and too easy. Especially with her victims (both her children and downworlders like Magnus) forgiving her so easily like she didn't do anything that bad...

oh mood. i actually have lowkey conflicted feelings on the whole maryse thing because like, on the one hand, they didn't do the thing i hate the most with this kind of "arc" - having the character b like "sorry that i was an asshole" and then continue to be an asshole but not on purpose this time and so it's fine now. on the other hand, they did the opposite - maryse did actually change and become a non-abusive person, but it didn't fucking make sense and she basically never bothered to acknowledge that she was a uhhhh terrible fucking person

there's also lowkey projection feelings that make me a little fond of maryse, like, damn, i wish my mom just decided one day that transphobia isn't sexy and completely changed overnight. u know? lmao

but anyway yeah i do have thoughts on a maryse redemption arc that doesn't suck ass. especially because i think there are elements that could make a cohesive story if the show actually, like, bothered with them. i'll warn u that i'll mostly ignore the cheating plotline because 1- it has kinda yikes vibes like "oh she's suffered now so we have to forgive her", and 2- i don't really care about cheating plotlines tbh. like rationally i can understand that it's essentially betrayal of an agreement, but emotionally, i simply don't understand why anyone would give a fuck lol i just can't connect emotionally with it in any way so it feels very abstract and forced for me to write about

so i think the starting point for her redemption would be her being deruned. so i’m gonna start from there, and just assume that everything that went down before the announcement of her deruning was the same

i say the deruning because like.... her entire life, this was her absolute top priority. being a shadowhunter. being a part of that society. upholding these values. being essentially shadowhunter royalty. and now, she's lost that. and she's forced to look back at everything that she did without the looming threat of her losing what she's been working so hard for (since she already did) and it suddenly feels way clearer

not that like oh she never realized how shitty she was! she fucking knew how shitty she was. there's no way she didn't. she manipulated her children, she purposefully humiliated them and withheld affection, she hurt them, she participated in genocide, she killed people, and she did it with the intent of doing all those things. but i think - especially with the part about that her children - that the way she looked at this was always distorted by the fact that the clave/the lightwood name/her position of power and prestige took precedence. also, the constant threat that she would lose that meant that she could justify it to herself saying that it was what she had to do. now, she can no longer do that, because it's already happened. and guess what? life went on now that she's deruned. so she's forced to look at everything that she did for her position as a shadowhunter from a distance this time, because her goals are unattainable now, and that means she can look at it more rationally, especially since she ran out of excuses. and here's the picture: none of it was worth it

and i'm talking about her children specifically. the literal fascism shit is more complicated since like, she is a radical racist and i don't think she would see a problem with that, tbh. she has no reason to care about that, yet

so okay, she's looking back and she realizes not only that her excuses for her behavior were made of paper, but also that her priorities were all fucked up, because now that she's deruned, it isn't that in itself that hurts her the most. it's the fact that she's alone

and again, i don't mean that like, boo hoo, poor her. that was the consequence of her own actions and honestly good for all the people in her life that they didn't feel obligated to give her emotional support when she was out there ruining their lives

what i do mean is that this is what moves her to want to change and mend things, if anything, because she wants comfort

and initially she would be super fucking selfish and shitty about it, because like..... obviously, maryse was selfish. she might have said "lightwood name" this and that, but let's be real here, she wasn't even born a lightwood to care all that much about that. it was about her, her power, her prestige. if overnight the lightwood name stopped being a symbol of status she would drop it like a hot potato, she held it close to her chest because it meant ascension for her personally. she manipulated her children and drew away her friends and supported genocide for herself, not out of some obligation with the concept of lightwoodship or whatever

she would try to "mend" her relationship with her children for herself, and it would show. robert would probably drop her like a hot potato too after the deruning, lbr, and i don't think she cared all that much about him anyway, so i'll focus on izzy, alec, and jace. jace is kind of weird since she was never shown to abuse him, but she also was willing to throw him on the trash when she found out he was valentine's kid, so. but overall i think he would be the one to mend his relationship with her more easily, but also - jace is just as selfish as her and even more self centered, so she wouldn't get a lot of support/satisfaction out of that relationship

so she tries to make things better with alec and izzy and they're both like... lol. especially alec because as we've seen he had no qualms about being completely ruthless with maryse once he broke out of her claws (good for him!) and while izzy had this whole "i don't care about maryse" facade.... she did, honestly. like she was visibly hurt by maryse not hugging her despite that being expected, and maryse's presence there in itself was enough for her body language to completely change. when izzy wanted to prove that she could be mature, she emulated maryse's style. so i think, especially since izzy was obviously the fuckup kid, that a part of her is kind of desperate to get any sort of approval or affection from maryse

but that doesn’t mean that she’s going to humiliate herself for maryse, and she also gets some satisfaction in being able to flip the tables and be the one to reject her, for once. and alec is straight up like... “you never gave us any support, but now that you’ve lost everything, you want it from us? i’m just doing what you taught us, mother”

i think jace would probably be the one to be like “oh, come on, alec, she wasn’t that bad” almost scoffing at the idea and it’s just like... “between what she did to me, izzy, and magnus, she has to work a lot harder if she wants my forgiveness” and maryse is kind of taken aback because tbh up to this point she hadn’t given any thought whatsoever to what she did to magnus or downworlders in general

she’s probably kind of appalled by the idea tbh

but she also starts to like... lowkey... get it? i mean obviously she’s not a downworlder and she’ll never suffer what downworlders went through, but now that shadowhunter society has turned her back on her, now that she’s become depised by them too, she has a tiny little taste of what it feels like, and it’s not nice

especially cuz like, again... robert would drop her like a hot potato lol and like i don’t even blame him cuz she wasn’t exactly a great wife either and maryse would have done the same, i don’t think either of them ever had any illusions when it came to their marriage tbh. but robert uses her exact m.o. against her (since well, it was his, too) and that means that she gets to feel at least a little bit of forced sympathy for the people she’s done the same thing to

so i think she would come to luke (no i’m not going a lukemaryse route keep calm)

and luke is kind of like... well, i was waiting for this to happen. you know, because he is the one to comes closest to having been in maryse’s situation, since he’s also an ex-shadowhunter - except worse because he’s been turned downworlder, not just mundane

and it’s the first time she actually shows some level of empathy because she’s kind of like “i was just wondering... how did you deal with it when they... when all of us... turned our backs on you?” and she apologizes for that and that shocks luke because he didn’t expect it

and it’s easier for luke to forgive her because 1- it’s been a while; 2- they aren’t super close; 3- luke was also a fascist so like lmao; 4- there is one (1) person who understands what he went through, kinda. again not really because being a downworlder is way worse than mundane but who else comes close?

and look i’m not saying they become best friends or anything but they have a good talk about what it was like, and maryse is again forced to meet her own shittiness dead in the eye because when luke talks about what he went through when he was Turned, well, maryse was there. and now she is basically forced to empathize with him, who was on the other side, and see herself as the tormentor that other people are being to her now

and like again it’s not like she didn’t know that she was a shitty ass person and what she was doing was terrible but now all the walls he had put up to avoid acknowledging that are straight up torn down

she apologizes and he just kind of shrugs because it’s not like he’s gonna be like “yeah np lol” and this is not the kind of thing that you resolve easily, especially after such a long time, so it’s awkward. but again, he doesn’t exactly resent her anymore either, he’s more kind of... neutral i guess. like he made his peace with it a long time ago and an apology from one of the people involved is way more than he ever expected to get, so

also maryse doesn’t cry her woes because she is way too proud for that, which means that luke doesn’t have to deal with her Shadowhunter Tears on top of everything else. it’s more the opposite, really, it’s luke who talks and maryse who listens, and for the first time, luke gets to talk about how he felt about being turned and shunned without... i don’t want to say fear, but like, reservation? because obviously talking about this with a downworlder is worse and more awkward and more painful. because maryse was essentially worse than him, he gets to talk about it without shame, if that makes sense? and he also gets to say everything he’s always wanted to say to shadowhunters/circle members in general, and it does him good

they go their separate ways and luke is left feeling emotionally exhausted from reopening that wound but also like its scar has faded further, you know? and maryse is starting to actually genuinely want to be better, not just to convince people to not leave her

also, luke is by far the one who treated her best up to this point, so she feels a little lighter, even if it was far from a good interaction

i think the next she would go to would be magnus?? kinda?? like not right away of course, this isn’t shtv so i’m going with a long timeline that involves plenty of her living as a mundane and Thinking About What She’s Done and trying to find a purpose for her life now

i guess she would have that fucking shop? so there’s that. and in that time she gets to meet some mundanes and make tentative local-shop-owner/client sorta friendships and talk about what she went through in vague terms and get some advice that might actually be useful

anyway, magnus! so she would go to magnus because he’s one of the downworlders (and her experience with luke makes her think that they are more likely to forgive her since they weren’t close) but mostly because she wants to win alec over and she knows that will never ever happen if she isn’t nice to magnus. she’s racist, not stupid

magnus doesn’t let her into the loft, but he also doesn’t close the door on her face. from previous scenes (mostly max’s rune ceremony thing) we know that magnus is at least willing to try to have some sort of truce for alec’s sake, but there’s that, and there’s maryse marching into his home like nobody’s business expecting forgiveness when she directly killed at least a few people magnus cared about and/or was responsible for protecting

also it’s transparent that she’s doing it for alec, so magnus is like “while it is nice to know that you care this much about alexander... i can’t just forgive you” and she is a little outraged, but she leaves without making a fuss

meanwhile magnus is just emotionally depleted even from this very short interaction with her, because she’s just... too much

lowkey has a depression day after that because that is way too much and he’s just kind of in a slump, feeling empty and reliving the worst memories of the people he’s lost in that war. alec notices and magnus is vague about it, just like “maryse.... visited” and alec wants him to talk about it but magnus is not going to talk about everything alec’s mom did to him cuz she’s like... still alec’s mom. so it’s awkward and heavy but they both lowkey comfort each other for the rest of the day and cuddle and shit

also there’s max! with max it’s a little different because he’s not going to like, straight up not want to talk to maryse, and his relationship with her seemed to be a little different from the others anyway. he was still heavily influenced by her ideals, and even with the dirvorce/distancing/idk, obviously she and robert are still like, sharing the custody. and she asks max about alec and izzy (as well as jace when they get to talk) and max is very blunt about it too, very “they’re still pissed at you” and she’s like gee kid thanks, i know that, but how are they. are they ok?

and again max is a nosy bitch so whenever he sees alec and izzy he’s like “mom keeps asking how you guys are doing. she wanted to know about izzy’s new project” and izzy is shocked like “since when does she know about my projects?” and max shrugs like “idk”

and again, emotionally exhausting. especially when eventually max starts to say that maryse also asked how magnus was doing, and that hits alec like a billion bricks, because maryse is acknowledging their relationship? without him like, basically threatening her? lmao

cue their own version of depression days/weird coping mechanisms because they don’t know how to deal emotionally with this. izzy would probably throw herself headfirst into work like “emotions what emotions haha never heard of that anyway check out this corpse” and alec... shoots arrows until his hands bleed, as usual

because look, it’s hard, and i say that from firsthand experience. even the thought that your prejudiced parents might change gives hope. and alec had always been so loyal to family, to him, it was family before everything else, and that included maryse. and yes, he was manipulated by her, but he also did value family and he had some good moments, or moments that he saw as good (like the whole guy whose nose he broke thing) with her. so it’s just like... a lot of conflict because he kind of wants to turn his back on her and has been ever since he came out, but there’s a lot of emotions swirling inside of him

again magnus sees his bloodied hands and he heals them softly, asking him what happened. and alec is like “maryse is asking max about us” and magnus is like “oh” and again, alec is not going to go into the details of his relationship with his mom who killed magnus’ people, so it’s a little silent and awkward again, but they can again draw comfort from each other just from being together in silence and cuddling and shit

me? talking about malec cuddling in a maryse post? it’s more likely than you think

for a while alec and izzy do this weird dance around each other where they’re both like “you’re overworking yourself, want a break?” without actually acknowleding it because they know that if they actually tried they would both just keep uno +4 carding each other like “oh so why don’t you talk about how you feel?” “well why don’t you talk about how you feel?” “well but why don’t you talk abou-”

i think izzy might be the one to break first. if anything, because alec’s Big Brother instincts mean that he doesn’t want to come to her to cry his woes, because he feels like He Should Be The One To Protect Her. and she’s like “alec, i’m not a child, you can talk to me. and if we aren’t going to face this together, who are we going to face it with?” and alec just looks at her with that intense stare and izzy goes, “i feel disappointed in myself because a part of me is so happy that she finally cared about something i was creating” and just like that, alec’s walls are gone

he finally gets to really talk about how he feels with the whole maryse and magnus thing and admit that a part of him is also happy that she asked and that it sucks and he hates it and feels weak, basically

lightwood siblings mutual support because we are all about that shit! who’s maryse again

anyway max is kinda their bridge for a while, not even intentionally, but alec and izzy get to get used to the idea that maryse is trying because he tells them about it and he gets to see the small changes in maryse’s behavior you know? and so alec and izzy hear about that

it’s also probably because of max that they get to see her again, i mean, they are all family. and they’re both kinda bracing for some emotionally loaded interactions at the very least

but instead she has like kind of accepted that they don’t feel comfortable with her and that it’s her fault for using them instead of protecting them most of their lives so she leaves them be beyond the pleasantries and they find themselves... relaxing? not enough to talk to her but just to be able to breathe in her presence which is already a lot

so this goes on for a while. also, maryse does end up genuinely trying to help in the anti-valentine crusade, but like, she’s respectful about it? she definitely isn’t taking charge or going after downworlders when they couldn’t trust her, but she has A- intel because she knew him for most of his life and can help predict what he thinks (as can luke) and B- fierceness and willingness to do what he’s told. the fact that whenever a downworlder like luke or magnus tells her what to do she just nods and does as she’s told earns her a lot of points. she also doesn’t demand their trust in any way and doesn’t ask for any information so that helps even if of course it’s still tense for everyone involved. but maryse understands and acknowledges this. in this case the shadowhunter training also helps because she is very used to dealing with following orders, not being told things, and tense/uncomfortable environments lol so that means that she can be there without putting her shadowhunter fragility all over the place or demanding things she doesn’t have the right to

also whenever people ask her why she’s doing this (which happens frequently since you know. why does maryse lightwood care) she says that just accepting her punishment is not enough to undo her mistakes. she is responsible for this mess and it’s on her to help take it down as well as she possibly can

so slowly she starts to gain trust? and slowly her relationship with them both mends

i’m unsure whether alec or izzy would forgive her first. a part of me wants to say izzy because again, i feel like she is really desperate for maryse’s approval, while alec’s whole thing is that he's over needing it. i mean obviously alec is still human and like i said, a family man, so of course he also wants maryse to approve of him and them both to have a good relationship even if he hates that he does. but he’s been working too hard to break out of needing to be on maryse’s good books to start now. in a way, having maryse’s approval is almost triggering because he’s coming to associate maryse’s pride on him with his own suffering

but on the other hand, alec is a family man, and he was closer to maryse than izzy, so i could also see him being the one to forgive her first. maybe he is the one who gets back to talking to her first, but izzy is the one who once starts mending their relationship lowers her guard for real? while alec still has like... snappy and defensive tendencies (which are perfectly valid and healthy of him to have)? you know? like once izzy is like fine let’s give her a chance she actually does, while alec takes a long, long time to lower his guard, and that only happens like, way after valentine is defeated and magnus starts feeling more comfortable around maryse (obviously magnus and maryse won’t ever be BFFs, but over time he can handle her presence, you know? make small talk, have a sorta “i have my mom-in-law but what can we do” dynamic)

and yeah those are my thoughts? it takes some years for them to actually have a good relationship but it builds slowly and maryse does do her homework as much as possible so that’s nice

again, thank you so much for this question and i hope you like my answer

EDIT: here's some more on alec's response to the whole thing. thank you, anon!

#ask #anonymous #shadowhunters #sh #anti maryse lightwood #anti sh writers #anti sh #maryse lightwood #meta #alec lightwood #izzy lightwood #max lightwood #jace herondale #lightwood siblings #magnus bane #luke garroway

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fandom-necromancer · 5 years

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451. Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know.

Shoutout to the amazing anon prompting this! Your other story will be up tomorrow!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900

‘Good morning, tin-can’, Detective Gavin Reed greeted him without making eye contact, as usual. Nines looked up from his work, the little jabbing program in the back of his head starting to act up again upon the conclusion that the uttered statement was [dishonest] and [human is lying]. ‘Good morning, Detective. How had your weekend been?’ ‘Fine.’ [Subject is distant] [Doesn’t speak the whole truth] Nines nodded and got back to work. He had to go to a Cyberlife store soon and get this checked. Something had to be wrong, because with every word out of that human’s mouth he sensed lies and withheld words. A behaviour like that simply wasn’t natural. Maybe for a day or two, Nines supposed someone could handle it. But three months? Clearly some code had to be faulty.

A message popped up in his vision, informing him of a crime scene that called for their attention. ‘There had been a suspected drug related murder’, he reported dutifully to his partner. ‘We are to leave immediately.’ ‘No, I didn’t even had-‘ The detective cut himself off as Nines had turned towards him attentive to every word. This time they didn’t scream [human is dishonest]. ‘Alright, I’m coming.’ The human stood up and put on his jacket. ‘May I inform you that you haven’t had your morning coffee yet, detective?’ The man tensed and held it for several seconds, before letting out a deep sigh. ‘I know, toaster, it’s fine.’ [human is lying]

The drive to the crime scene was silent. Nines knew it was normal to discuss what they knew about the scene, but the detective wasn’t one for banter. So, he prepared one of his usual monologues: ‘The body was found today at 6:43 AM by garbage collectors in an industrial park. As I was informed there aren’t any signs of a murder on the body, but there were traces of red ice and a message left.’ ‘Oh god, will you shut u-‘ Nines looked over to his partner at the uncommon reaction, but before he could say something, the human corrected himself: ‘I’m sorry. Continue.’ Again, it was dishonest from the bone. ‘Detective, if you’d rather drive in silence and examine the scene for yourself, I can stop.’ ‘No! No, no, I’m fine, I don’t want to stand in your way. Just get on.’ [lie] ‘Okay… Well, there is a message on the wall above the body, Cyberlife font but not perfect. Maybe trying to blame androids for the murder?’ ‘We are there’, the detective interrupted and parked the car lazily at the street.

He almost fled through the opened gate in the fence and followed a beat cop already waiting for them. The woman led them through a jungle of pipes and brick-walls, maybe it was a chemical plant. Nines didn’t look it up, he was preoccupied hurrying after his partner.

He caught up to him as they arrived at the scene: True to Nines’ description there was a dead body, a middle-aged woman, leaning against a wall and a pipe. The ground was covered in tiny red crystals that turned blue where they came in touch with water puddles from yesterday’s downpour. No obvious signs of foreign interference, no blood, no needles, no reminders of handprints or rope at the throat. She looked like she was sleeping. Above her head there was near perfectly written: Pay your debts.

The detective was already on his knees, inspecting the crystals on the ground. ‘There is no pattern in the distribution’, Nines helped and saw the man flinch but say nothing, moving on to the body. Nines dipped a finger into the red dust and brought it to his mouth. The familiar results came in near immediately. ‘Red Ice.’ Gavin was already looking at the woman, crouching down once more to study face and throat, then hands and clothing. Meanwhile Nines looked up her file. ‘Her name is Susan Miller. Married, no children. No history of drug abuse, at least none documented. Works at a local news channel, no peculiarities at record there. Uploads photos of a bird regularly on social media. At least from her file there is no motive for a murder.’ He had noticed how the human had increasingly tensed while he was speaking. Nines immediately recalled what he had said, searching for a reason for this behaviour but found none. So, he continued: ‘The writing on the wall appears perfect, but there are little waves at the corners, evidence of a slight tremor or malfunction. Not enough to eliminate the writer either being human or android.’ Still, the crouched down human wasn’t answering, silently inspecting the findings in her pockets. A wallet with a bunch of cards, some money and pictures of her husband and the bird. Some keys, one for a car, one that looked like fitting a front door. Some handkerchiefs. Pepper spray. ‘The spray had been used at least once’, Nines supplied from his analysis. ‘I will try to find out whether that was here.’

He crouched down, getting samples of the ground around the dead woman, but stopped as his partner got up and walked away without a word. ‘Detective!’, Nines called out for him, but there was no reaction. He got up, recalling his recent memories. Why was the man acting so strangely? With everything he had done he had intended to help. There was a reason, androids were flooding the police. They could see things humans couldn’t. Nines would stand for it without pride or a feeling of superiority. There was also a lot, humans could do that went far over an android’s head. Especially working with detective Reed Nines experienced it nearly every day. He really liked working with the man as he was efficient and not hindered by compassionate emotions. The only thing standing between him and a successful cooperation was this behaviour the man was displaying: No more speaking than the barest minimum, every direct question answered with something he knew wasn’t what the man wanted to say. And he decided that this had to end that moment, standing next to the dead body of the poor woman.

He started running to catch up to his partner and found him sitting behind the wheel looking the other direction. Clearly waiting for him but not voluntarily. Silently, Nines entered the passenger seat, but as the man wanted to reach for the gear-knob, Nines grabbed it instead, looking at the human with determination. The detective met his eyes, flinching at the contact and immediately his left hand was at the door-handle. Nines scanned the human opposite to him and realised for the first time that this was a reaction of fear. Of course, he had never noticed it. He wouldn’t have thought the man to fear anything after seeing him in action with no regards to his own safety, only having the mission in mind.

Nines averted his eyes and let go of the knob, strangely regretting that the human was afraid of him. What had he done to frighten a man like Reed? Of course, he could be frightening. He had been designed to be. But he had always tried to be gentle and helpful. ‘I’m sorry, detective.’ ‘What?’ ‘You seem to be afraid of me.’ ‘No I’m not!’ ‘You are lying right now.’

There was silence. ‘I detected you lying to me repeatedly, always saying something you didn’t mean or trying to cover something up that slipped past your lips that you did mean. I… I asked myself what I did wrong all the time, but now I know. I am sorry to frighten you.’ ‘You don’t frighten me’, it was quietly uttered, as if ashamed. But it was true for once and Nines looked up again, studying the human that had crossed his arms over the steering wheel. ‘Then please tell me what I’m doing wrong. I can see your stress levels spike whenever you are talking to me, but you never tell me what causes that. I can ask for a transfer, if you want. Though I really enjoy working with you.’ ‘It’s nothing, I can handle it.’ ‘You are lying again. Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know.’

‘Fine, okay!’ Suddenly there was anger. Anger Nines hadn’t seen before, as if it had been chained deep inside his partner and only now set free. ‘I never asked for a partner. I was perfectly fine being alone. And then I get a phcking machine! A damn Connor 2.0! You know I would have rather learned I’m replaced by a bot than work with one! You perfect analysing dipshits, scrolling through people’s social media and finding out every little detail we thought to be well hidden. What will the world come to once our metal overlords slowly take everything? When our worth is determined by machines? Phck, I hate your kind. Always had and always will. And if you want to punch me unconscious for this too, like your damn doppelgänger did to show me my place, then fine, do it! It won’t change who I am! You would have to kill me for that!’ Nines looked at the human surprised and confused. He had never expected… What had Connor done? He accessed the precinct’s surveillance database through the android network and searched for anything that would explain what happened. As he searched, there was a groan coming from the human as he slumped down again. Finally he found a file. Gavin threatening Connor for illegally entering the evidence room. And moments later ending up on the floor unconscious. A heavy blow to a proud man’s ego. It made Nines re-evaluate his relationship to Connor and his approach to the human next to him.

‘I would never harm you, detective’, Nines said carefully. ‘I wouldn’t even think of it.’ He paused, expecting the human to intervene and shut him up. But detective Reed stayed silent. Without being able to see his face, Nines couldn’t find out whether what he was saying had an impact. ‘And I definitely don’t think humans are of any different worth than androids. I disagree of humans being superior. But so I do with androids. We are equals. I wouldn’t have taken the job if I replaced a human. I don’t know what Connor thought as he did this to you, but I don’t think it was justified. I know nothing I say will change your opinion on androids, but please look at my actions when judging me, not other’s.’ ‘Fine, asshole, I’ll judge you by your actions: You always act like you know phcking everything. As if a human can’t get to the conclusion that a pepper spray was used before! Shit, then the ordering around. New crime scene there, we are to go here… Bullshit! We are not partners! You are the perfect detective and I’m the burden you have to bring along because technically you have a partner. Don’t you tell me we are equals!’ ‘But we are? You are not a burden. You don’t speak to me at all, how should I have known what you found out? I just thought to help you by stating everything I could see. And I never intended to order you around although I see I might have phrased some sentences really weirdly. I’m sorry for that. But you have to tell me that, how else should I know?’ ‘Hmm yeah and end up drooling on the floor again? No thank you!’ ‘That’s not healthy.’ ‘Yeah, well, phck you! I only have my eight hours with you, then I can relax again.’ ‘But it doesn’t have to be like this. I can assure you you can always tell me. I promise you I’ll never harm you. We are partners, we are supposed to protect the other. And I need you. I agree, I can analyse samples and see more at a crime scene than a human. But you are far more advanced in finding a motive and thinking like a killer would. You have social skills I would never manage to develop in my active time. I need your skills and you need mine. And that’s how it is supposed to be. If you have problems with me, you can tell me.’

There was a heavy sigh. ‘You can’t tell me you need me. That’s bullshit. When did you ever needed me?’ ‘Every talk to witnesses or family members of victims, you lead. I couldn’t be compassionate if my life depended on it. I’m too analytical for it. And take this case for an example: I suppose you already have a hunch?’ ‘…Yeah.’ ‘I don’t. I know there is not enough evidence yet. But you already have an idea to follow for the next steps. That is one of your most amazing qualities.’

They still sat in the car, twenty minutes after leaving the crime scene. ‘So, how about we start over and you talk to me as if I were a human partner that in no way had a chance at overpowering you in a fight?’ The detective had risen his head over the wheel again, maybe Nines had managed to get through to him. ‘I think I could try that.’ ‘That’s good to hear, detective.’ ‘The name’s Gavin.’

#detroit become human #dbh #Reed900 #Gavin Reed #RK900 #Gavin gets decked ONCE in his life #Gavin: I have severe PTSD and can't talk to androids #I had a severe headache writing this and I hope there is nothing weird or wrong in the first half XD

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triforceangel13 · 4 years

Text

Blood and Tears Ch. 7 (An AkuRoku Vampire Au)

Chapter 7: The Superior

Axel let out a sigh as he stepped through the back entrance to an abandoned warehouse on the other side of town. To most it looked just like that, abandoned. However it withheld many secrets, some that even the darkest people wouldn't dare to touch.

The back entrance to the warehouse led to two places, the first being on the same floor where it was an empty space that they never used. But the other side of the door, tucked away in a small corner in the dark, was a door.

With a special knock one was let inside but the only ones that knew of it was the ones that were part of the organization for the safety of the people who worked for the Superior.

Axel hadn't been to this place in so long and of course even with the guise of darkness around him he still covered himself with a hood and a baseball cap to hide his bright red hair. He kept his face down as well so that no one would recognize his tattooed face.

Those men had already done the worst thing imaginable to him so he wasn't as tense except, well he could end up in a gutter himself. Now thanks to supernatural causes he really did have a reason to live so he stilled stayed on his toes.

Giving the special knock he was let inside, gazing up the man who Axel swore was like seven or eight feet tall.

“Hey Lex,” Axel said, pulling the hood down to show that it was really him and now someone trying to sneak in. Lex gave a grunt in response, gesturing with his head to where the Superior was residing that evening.

“Good to see you too buddy,” Axel said, patting his arm and heading in that direction, digging his hands into his pockets. He was having a hard conflict of feelings running through him that it gave him a headache. He had wanted to bring Roxas with him now that he knew what had happened but he knew that it would be too dangerous.

To keep their secret if anyone knew about the organization they had to become part of the organization or end up dead.

Even as a vampire Axel did not want him to be a part of this. Who knew what the Superior would do with someone who had supernatural abilities. Would he use him in the wrong way or would he end up trying to takeover the supernatural world too?

Would he demand Roxas change him so that he would live forever? That thought caused him to stop in his tracks. Everyone who had been forced to come into this group all wished one day the the Superior would either give it up or pass on. To have him become one of the undead would just have them working with him forever.

Plus Axel had hoped that one day Roxas would change him instead that way they could have this life together. He was too afraid to ask that right now, everything was still so new between them with Roxas' change. He didn't want to risk getting him angry and scaring him off. Riku was already angry about them being together so who knew what the other male would say to him if Roxas was angry and vented back to Riku.

“Dammit,” Axel said with a sigh, pressing his hand against his head as he started to walk again. He really was starting to give himself a headache.

“Something on your mind, Flurry?” came the deep dark voice that sent chills up Axel's spine. He felt the hand on the small of his back and he jolted in surprise, as we ll as disgust, away from the man's hand.

“Superior. You asked to see me?” he asked.

“Yes I have,” the said, guiding Axel to sit in one of the chairs that in a large circle, taking the biggest chair himself at the opposite side of him. “First I am glad to see that you are alive and well after my latest mission for you.”

Axel swallowed thickly. “Yes I am sir.” Why did he have to bring that up? That last mission had nearly ruined his life!

“Very good indeed,” he said, crossing one leg over the other. Axel felt very under dressed next to him in his jeans and hoodie. The man was always dressed in a sleek black suit, his long silver hair pulled back into a ponytail.

“My reports tell me that you had taken down one of his loved ones in that fire,” he said, looking to a folder of papers that had sat at the small table next to his chair. “Very good. It hit him where it hurts. Perhaps now he will learn who runs this city.”

“I don't mean to sound bitter about this but I had lost at great risk as well,” Axel said bitterly to him. Despite that Roxas really wasn't gone he still had to play that part that he actually was. He still had to make everyone believe that Roxas was still gone.

“Ah yes, I had heard about your lover being the one to take the fall for it,” the Superior said with a sigh, closing the folder. “I do send my deepest apologies that something like that has happened. But you know the risks of being in this organization.”

Axel flinched at that. He did. He knew very well what trouble anyone around him could get into when it came to this but he just couldn't help himself. He loved Roxas with every fiber of his being and never wanted to let him go again.

They had a scare and he knew that he would never want anyone to take Roxas from him. He would be damn sure it never happened again.

“But what done is done,” he said with a shrug which caused Axel's body to tense. He hated how the man was so nonchalant about death of loved ones. It was like they didn't even matter to him. Perhaps that was why he never had and loved ones.

“I would say that it is time now that you can come out of hiding. I don't expect those men to pull anything stupid after so long and they had already hit back. If not you are with my informant, Melodious Nocturne. yes?”

Axel nodded his head. Melodious Nocturne was Demyx. He wasn't sure where Superior got these names from but he wasn't about to ask. It was only a handful of people in this organization that he knew the actual names of, but when it came to most the code names where what had to be used in the first place. For protection.

“Good. If anything changes he can warn you like he had done the last time. He is a good ally and he can give any news that goes through the waves,” Superior finished.

Axel understood that. Demyx played the part of a neutral party but he really had ended up working for the Superior. He passed information from the other group to him but when the other group asked about the organization he tended to give some false information. Whenever it was things that were true he made sure it was minimal so that no one got hurt or they could work around it. Axel didn't really understand the system but he supposed it was a good way to be able to get information on the others and keep himself alive.

It was his duty being part of them. Like it was Axel's duty to set fires to send as a warning or, as of recently anyway, to kill those after something big was put against the Superior, either minor or major it didn't matter.

Axel hated that he always got stuck with the icky jobs.

“It'll be a good way to keep myself safe. Now I can make sure to get my stuff out of that other apartment,” Axel sighed.

“Well don't get too comfortable. I have another mission for you,” the Superior said, passing a different folder to him. Axel took it with shaking fingers. Another one. He wanted him to set another fire. They were never this close together.

“If you don't mind me asking, why so close together?” he asked.

“Well he put you out of commission for a while so I want to get back at him again,” he said, rising from his chair. “I expect it to be done soon. Report back to me when you're done. And this time make sure you take out a few others as well.”

Axel gaped at the sight of the folder, shaking his head. He couldn't do this again. He didn't want to. Roxas' words stuck out in his mind.

“You don't have to stay there. We can figure something out.”

If only he really could.

Taking a deep breath Axel shook his head. “I'm not going to set another fire. That doesn't seem like a good enough reason to attack.”

The Superior stopped quickly, turning on Axel with a frown on his face. Never had anyone ever went against his wishes.

Never.

“What did you just say to me?” he asked, his deep voice bringing in a chilling sensation down Axel's spine. He should have just taken the job and just let it eat him alive as it always tended to do when he got a new assignment.

“I said no. It's pointless to attack so soon just because they had taken someone from me and had me in a deep depression for months,” Axel said. Was that too heartless? Was it too obvious that Roxas was still alive and he didn't want to risk it again with such stupidity. Perhaps he should have thought his words through a little better.

Orange eyes narrowed down at him and with a nod of his head Axel was on the flat of his back as the Superior through a punch at his face, hands wrapping around his neck from behind him. Axel's eyes widened as he looked up at Lex who stared down at him with a frown. He should've known that his hit man would be there to do this.

The Superior knelt down in front of him. Axel struggled against the hands, wincing from the tightness of the feeling around his wind pipe. He could still breathe thank goodness but his hands still hurt quite a bit.

“What was your answer again?” he asked, harsh fingers grabbing hold of his chin to make sure that he looked directly at him.

“I'll get it done and report back to you,” Axel said through clenched teeth, temptation to spit in his face rising beyond comprehension.

“Good,” he said with a growl, thrusting his face away. “Now get out of my sight before I decide if want to replace you or not.”

Lexeaus removed his hands from his neck and Axel coughed hard, rubbing his neck as he scrambled to his feet, gathered the papers, and made a run for the door.

Roxas bounced his leg on the floor as he sat in the computer chair waiting for Axel to return, hoping that he would tell him that he had left the organization or that he didn't take another job from him as an arsonist. Though deep down he knew that Axel might not be able to. There was a lot of heavy hitters from what Roxas understood from Axel's explanation that could make Axel scared and just do what he always had done.

But at the cost of his own freedom and sanity.

The door opening had Roxas coming back to his thoughts, at first happy to see Axel coming inside but then the sight that he was greeted with had a all happy hopes dashed. Someone had hurt Axel some how.

Axel had a black eye and to make it worse there was dark bruises on the sides of his neck. Someone really had attacked him.

In the blink of an eye Roxas was in front of him, frowning up at him as he gently laid a hand on his cheek.

“You okay? What happened?” he asked.

Axel sighed, kissing his palm and led him back to the bed. “I tried saying no and he had the biggest guy there come after me. I was lucky only to get away with this.”

The redhead rubbed his throat sorely, sighing. “I have another assignment as well. Apparently revenge for putting me out of commission for so long.”

Roxas scowled, looking to the papers in his hand and then taking them quickly before Axel could protest. He tossed them over his shoulder onto the floor, pushing Axel to take a seat onto the bed. He pushed back the collar of his sweatshirt to get a better view of the bruising.

Axel was certainly lucky to be alive and to even be able to talk with how bad this looked. Anger swelled in the blonde. He wanted to go after whomever had hurt his lover but he knew better than to let his instincts roll forward.

It wouldn't be safe for anyone.

“Here,” Roxas said, raising a finger and slid the sharp nail across a small part of his own neck. A little blood swelled there and Axel's eyes widened.

“What are you doing?” he asked quickly but his eyes were still enticed by the ruby liquid that started to drip down porcelain skin.

“Riku told me once that vampire blood had healing properties to help humans heal. He told me to never give anyone any, but I think you need some to make you feel better.”

Axel shifted closer, his breath tickling his neck as he rest his arms around him.

“Are you sure? It won't do anything to me?” he asked.

“It'll just heal you,” Roxas promised. That was what he knew and he hated seeing his lover in so much pain.

Axel smiled at that. “Thank you.”

Leaning down he ran his tongue over the drip then closing his mouth over the wound. Roxas gasped lightly, pressing into him but pet his hair regardless. This was for Axel to feel better not for him to have fun like that.

After a few moments Axel sat back, licking his lips. “Odd for me to say but that tasted...really good. Was really hot too.”

Roxas laughed, playfully shoving him.

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my-little-dumpster-fire · 5 years

Text

Let it Burn. 4/?

Catch Up Here

P A R T F O U R

It’d been a week since you sat in a darkened apartment listening to Billy’s pseudo confession, while his hands lingered on your body and your lips connected with his skin for the very first time. It was a night of firsts, but the minimal physical contact wasn’t what made the moment so intimate. Have you ever done something, he asked, for which you knew you wouldn’t be forgiven? You’d answered no and tried to assure Billy that he’d always have a safe place with you, always have a clean slate, and always have someone who cared about him unconditionally. That night changed the dynamic between you two, undeniably though only slightly and you feared for the thing that would shift it again.

He’d managed to surprise you again, this time with text messages that asked you how you were doing. There was never a follow up question or an acknowledgment of your various versions of “fine”, but that never bothered you. Knowing Billy and how rare something like this was for him, you accepted the honor of being thought of and allowed him to ask without expecting any more. You were tempted to return the sentiment, to check in, but Billy didn’t need someone checking up on him and you suspected that a text without a specific reason would only serve to annoy him so withheld your concern until the day you simply couldn’t.

You learned of the Castle family’s fate much later than you should have. Gripping the cold metal rail of a subway car, you were actively trying to ignore the passenger just behind you, watching the news on an app on his phone without headphones. You’d considered whipping around and pointing out how rude that was, but the anchor was discussing a marine and his family, slain in broad daylight, during a tragic drive by shooting. Selfishly, you thanked whatever god was listening that when you met Billy, he was already a former marine. The idea of waiting for him, knowing he was in danger, and-

“Frank and Maria Castle, along with their children-“ the interrupted and you turned around so fast, that the man watching the news story stumbled backwards, almost into a stranger’s lap. Those names. You knew those names. More importantly, Billy knew those names. Frantically glancing around, trying to regain eventually you spotted the next stop scrolling by on a marquee. Close enough, you decided, abandoning your original destination without a second thought and elbowing your way past grumbling passengers until you were pressed up against the sliding doors, hands tightening into fists before replacing over and over until the door opened and you sprinted the remainder of the way to the Anvil warehouse.

By the time you reaching the ominous brick building, you were out of breath, a little out of sorts, and had no idea why exactly you were there. To see Billy, yes, but you weren’t sure what you could offer him. A familiar form was stalking toward a black town car. Black hair slicked back, black eyes cast down, black suit fitting him too perfectly as long legs shot across the sidewalk.

“Billy, I just heard! I-“ you ran up to him, but he clearly wasn’t planning to stop and chat. He leaned out to pull the door closed behind him, but you caught it quickly, the look in his eyes reminding you that broken fingers were a distinct possibility if you pushed too hard. “Billy,” you breathed, wedging yourself between the open car door and his seated form, simultaneously giving you the chance to be closer to him and neutralizing the threat of your hand being crushed by slamming car door. “The Castles....you knew them.” His frown was deep, the tic of his jaw visible under a stubbled cheek, nostrils flared slightly as he waited for you to say something less obvious. What does a person say a week too late? You knew so little about Billy’s relationship with the Castle family. Frank was his brother, strictly in the military sense you assumed, but when both were stateside, it wasn’t uncommon for Billy to be included on family outings. Your heart broke for the man before and you dropped to one knee, placing your hand on his arm. Directly over his mark. It was an accident, but when you realized it, you squeezed the forearm in an attempt to comfort, knowing that no gentle touches, soulmate or not, could replace the closest thing to a real family Billy had experienced. We could-

When nothing came out, Billy’s eyes darted back between you and the driver slowly, showing you very obviously where his mind was. “If you don’t mind...” he glanced down at your hand on his arm, then at the door. You stood obediently, swallowing before opening your mouth to offer some kind of condolence, hoping it wouldn’t come out empty. “I have a funeral to get to.”

“Oh,” you were more surprised than you should have been. Of course he was going, they were his people. He was cold now, but certainly Billy felt their loss. He needed this, he needed to be there and you needed to...do something. “Should I come?”

Billy’s reacted faster than you’d ever seen. He was normally so controlled, even his face only ever morphed into exactly the expression he needed in the moment. But this, this quick tilt, the parting of his lips, the deep furrow between his brows. This was raw. He was surprised and you weren’t sure what hurt you more. The shock that you’d offer to support him or the speed with which he reset his face to hide how taken back he was. Oh, Billy...

“Do you want me to come with you?” You asked again as indignant confusion shaped his features into a subtle scowl. With the rapid growth of Anvil, Billy had many people working for and under him, but how many people did he have that supported him? “I could come,” you offered. “You might need someone t-“

“No,” he responded quickly and clearly. Every bit the calculated voice you’d come to expect. You nodded once and stepped away from the car, your shoulders jumping slightly at the sharp slamming of Billy’s door before the car pulled into traffic and away from where you stood. You may have been left on the street, but you couldn’t help but pity the loneliness that Billy couldn’t admit to.

You walked back toward the station, hoping that Billy wouldn’t find himself alone, not today. Certainly there would be others there, friends of Frank that Billy may have known, hopefully men from his unit if they were close or able to travel for this. As you reached over your head, grabbing the sticky handle to steady yourself as the train departed, you found yourself thinking about Billy’s suit. He always looked good and today hadn’t been an exception, but the tailored black number looked even more expensive than usual. You wondered why he wouldn’t be in a dress uniform for a fallen brother, assuming that any other servicemen who knew the Castles would have their shoes and medals shined especially in Frank’s honor, but you didn’t dwell there. Billy was finally achieving what he wanted and his suit, his charming smile, his firm handshake all pointed back to the success of Anvil.

Billy Russo, founder and CEO, was the Billy you saw most often as of late. All business, taking calls and neglecting the coffees between you, even after hours, he seemed to always be in high demand, darting off regardless of the hour to put out fires. You knew next to nothing about the private security sector, but some of his exits seemed too hasty to be run of the mill work emergencies. Certainly some of his business could wait until the morning hour, but it never did. While you admired his tenacity, his willingness to go the extra mile, you found yourself wondering how the boss could still be required so often. It sometimes felt like someone else was calling the shots, but you’d never admit that Billy. He earned his office, his home, his life and anyone who questioned that deserved whatever came to them next.

Watching him from the sidelines, you knew that Billy Russo was finally at the top, yet it seemed like he needed the reminder as often as he needed to the people around him to be reminded and despite the relationship that waxed and waned with the moon or his mood, you knew that sometimes you needed to be reminded of that too.

@something-tofightfor @actuallyazriel @cerezahowl @littlemermaidprobz @iaintnofurry

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo x reader imagine #billy x reader imagine #billy russo x reader fanfiction #let it burn #billy russo soulmates au #soulmate tattoo #soulmate au #pre punisher s1

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memoriashell · 5 years

Text

home

Characters: Xion-centric; ft. a good chunk of the real org. xiii and sea salt trio feelings.

crossposted on ao3 with the full extent of my notes

Notes: This started out as a canon divergent, ‘what if the vessels had a larger role in the plot’ and ended up as self indulgent Xion getting to be more active in kh3′s plot. Also warning for the usage of a lot of repetition / repeating text. Alternatively titled ‘it’s a good thing Roxas and Axel spend 90% of kh3 not being around but I was really tempted to be canon divergent there too’, the novel.

Summary: A puppet has a part to play, in the end, and finds her way home.

( home is where your heart lies, or something like that )

When Xion awakens, there is pain, and a murmur from somewhere— someone else— vaguely familiar enough that puts her on edge. She might have had some sense of awareness, while she slumbered in... there, so this, this feels... wrong. Bad.

They tell her to ignore it. Forget it.

So she does exactly that ( not by choice though, not by choice ). She does not want to forget about seashells and sunsets and ice cream and—

They make her forget, and she ignores the tugging feeling that she needs to go home.

You have a job, it would do you good not to fail this time. They whisper in her ears, you were chosen for a reason ( what reason, she wants to question, but she bites her tongue because something about staying silent seems more fitting ).

Xion stares at her reflection, golden eyes staring back at her blankly.

Vexen won’t stop watching her.

He’s not the only one, really. Xigbar watches her curiously, like there’s something else there to her. Saïx watches her like he expects her to break.

But Vexen watches her like he’s observing. Waiting. It’s discomforting, but less so than that feeling of—

— go home, go home, home; but where is that, she whispers. Isn’t home where she already is?

( She misses the gleam of regret in his eyes ).

“Focus, Number Thirteen.” He tells her, and she tries not to flinch at the coldness in his eyes and the feeling of that’s wrong, that’s wrong, that’s wrong. She’s not Thirteen—

She’s just another pawn, a vessel— a puppet, one might say. She is not deserving of that number. ( Is it even her number? Logically, Xion has no reason to question it, yet she can’t help the feeling that there’s something wrong about being called that ).

“Focus.” Saïx snaps at her again. “I don’t have time to babysit you. Get in position to defend yourself.”

She doesn’t understand this. Isn’t allowed to try and understand. Puppet girl has a part, vessel does not get to stray from that role, girl will dutifully obey the command she is given and will not question otherwise.

( You cannot question that which you do not know ).

In the end, she is just another vessel after all.

She is not the only Replica among the Organization.

Though this should be a fact that is, on some level, comforting; it does not do anything of the sort for her.

Even though Xion does not know why, that face— that face haunts her, makes her guts twist and her heart...? ( What of her heart? It does not exist to begin with ).

He is callous and rough one moment, something she cannot quite name in the next—

I’m the real one, Riku whispers when he thinks no one else is around. I’m real.

Somehow, she feels like they are more alike than she realizes.

She does not know Larxene very well.

( Xion falters a little when she has that thought because, she did not know anyone here— why would she have thought she knew anyone? Save Demyx, who acts like everyone is an old friend, she has no reason to have come to think that ).

It is with great reluctance that she is taken out to do recon, a different kind of ‘training’; out to Arendelle, which is more sun and water than she is used to seeing

— and the feeling someone else should be here with her.

Vessel keeps her hood up, follows silently in the shadows of her senior, flinches at the jabs the elder makes at her expense and does not try to speak back.

There are moments too, that, even with disdain, she will correct her posture, her stance, her fighting style; indirectly answers the soft questions about their hearts or therefore lack of, when the people around them talk of emotions that they don’t exactly have.

( It feels wrong feels wrong feels wrong — )

It is ‘cold’ the next time they visit, with snow and ice that is also much different than she is used to seeing; but they don’t have time for such luxuries when they have a task to see to, even if that is simply to watch and wait.

Xion has never seen boy with the keyblade, who with a single simple gesture of his body screams home at her more than anything else she has ever known and causes a tingling feeling in the back of her mind,

and home home home home—

This isn’t right her head screams — her heart, her heart... does not exist ( neither does she, some part of her whispers, just a vessel without meaning ).

Even hours later, when they are back home and she is stuck staring blankly at a wall while she awaits for someone to give Xion her next task, she cannot stop thinking about him.

( She has no explanation for why her throat had felt so tight when she saw him ).

She tries not to flinch at the odd utensil Vexen prods her with ( apparently, she is not immune to cold, she had just gone numb to it after a while because their cloaks had not been sufficient to protect against prolonged exposure to that, or so that’s what he says ).

“Stay still.” He’s stern; harsh, but not as harsh as... as what? She’s not sure where that train of thought was going, but she doesn’t have time to linger on it as he demands her attention once again. “Lord Xemnas expects that you stay in good condition, vessel. It would be good of you to learn your limits; be more observant of your surroundings in the future.” A frown on her part, as if she would really know what that entails, but he’s too busy jotting down notes for her to try and interrupt.

“How interesting...” He murmurs, but doesn’t speak further on it than that ( she would ask him to elaborate, but Xion gets the feeling that it would not be said in away understandable for her, so she bites her tongue ).

She sits in silence while he makes his diagnosis and wonders what being a vessel actually means.

Research Entry 572: Regards to the Replica No. i and Other Notes of Importance

Thus far, the work to create an improved version of the Replica Program seems to be successful. While it is a shame that I could not have been present to observe No. i’s original existence— for I lack good notes to make comparisons to— I have great confidence that these are improvements of the previous vessels based on what information can be salvaged from my former reports. I will have to continue depend on other’s reports of the Replicas in order to conclude the success of the former project and determine what else needs to be improved, what further refinements can be made, in order to grant them ‘humanity’.

Truly, what emotion she seems capable of conveying is something— the miracle of a heart, perhaps, or that boy’s influence. I will have to make further observations and testing before I can establish what is the true cause at hand, or if it is perhaps a mixture of the two. The other replica we are currently using, a version of the Riku Replica, is quite an interesting subject in itself, but I will save those observations for a different entry, for it is far different than she is.

At least it seems as though No. i has been a successful experiment, both then and now. Though lacking qualities that would make her a nobody, she is still not quite close enough to a human, so perhaps it can be concluded that a vessels are different from both nobodies and humans. Perhaps further testing of that theory and a refined hypothesis would lead to an answer. Perhaps it is for the best that project is left in the past with the rest.

Back to the subject of No. i, she seems to have finally stabilized, to no fault of her own. The necessity to keep her memories and ‘heart’ initially set her back, and is still causing some difficulties, but it seems that her identity has been shaped, nonetheless. The frequency with which her appearance falters is less often, but it is possible that it is not permanent, should her memories return to her again. That is not an immediate concern, and shall be dealt with should the problem arise. I admit, I was surprised to see that she has gained a stable identity, but this is further proof that she is not simply a vessel, but human, I believe. The fact she has adopted the name given to her and taken on an appearance based on her heart, that is the true miracle here.

I suppose I will record what Demyx has reported here, for it holds some relevance to No. i. As expected, the vessel has taken on No. 13’s likeness, but remains in slumber as the heart remains separate and thus unable to awaken. A partial success, then, we will have to see if it awakens in time. It is rather unfortunate I cannot see this process for myself, as No. 13 and No. i are quite unusual subjects, having ties to that keyblade wielder.

I have also been informed that child does not require my assistance, for he has deemed himself familiar enough with the vessels. Was it not your arrogance that got you killed, Zexion? Regardless, I will leave No. 13 in his capable hands, and see to it that my research continues on this side of things. There will be time to speak with the rest of them, when this is all over. For now, I must continue to do my part so I may atone for my role in all this.

I only pray that No. 13 can awaken in time, because... should she follow the same fate that was intended for her original vessel, he may be the only one who can stop her.

— Vexen

“...break...you kn...help...str...”

She strains to try and pick up on what is being said— she’s not the kind to eavesdrop, even as uncertain and curious as she is, she does not have that will to do so most of the time.

And had she not heard her name, she probably would have withheld the urge to do so.

Xion presses her ear to the door, tries to focus on figuring who’s saying what—

“What are they talking about?”

She inhales sharply and jumps— its probably a good thing that she is so quiet most of the time, even when startled she hardly even utters a squeak. Her hood hides the weak glare she shoots at the source of the voice ( and almost startles a second time— since when has Demyx been that quiet? ), and opts not to answer the other as she walks away. She’s not going to hear anything else, she knows, and the last thing she wants is to be caught because he can’t be quiet.

( Of course, he doesn’t give up so easily; she hears footsteps following her like a puppy, and something like fondness stirs in her for a moment )

“Have you been out?” Upon sensing the silent query from her, he elaborates. “Besides for recon.” A wordless shake of her head ( the idea of being out for recon seems unusual—or not, she’s not quite sure, actually ).

“No? That’s kind of weird since you’re not benched.” Xion shrugs, she is not so dumb as to believe Demyx doesn’t know better—something that she doesn’t know ( but she doesn’t know what that is exactly, so she can’t do much more than watch him skeptically ). A hand settles down on her shoulder, snapping her away from her thoughts; peers up curiously at him as she waits for him to speak. “Say, why don't you tag along with me? They aren't having you do anything better, so it's not like you'll be missed.”

Something tells her she doesn't get a say, another part of her questions what he's trying to do( trying to make friends with a nobody like her ).

“Where are we going?” She asks with reluctance, a hint of childlike curiosity. When she gets no response more than the opening of a corridor, she follows up with another question. “Is this where you usually disappear to?” He doesn’t answer, just gestures for her to follow him as he heads through the portal.

It’s bright when Xion steps through to the other side, wincing as she takes a moment to adjust, before opening her eyes to the sight before her—

“Ta-da!” He exclaims, a gesture of his hands ( that goes ignored by her, who has been frozen by the feeling of the wind in her hair, the smell of salt, and the sound of waves crashing ). Her non-existent heart clenches—

her gaze freezes on the sight of the setting sun and

all wrong, all wrong, all wrong, her head screams, there should be three people here, where the sun meets the sea.

( She doesn’t know when— why she starts crying )

“Again.” Saïx orders, and she complies— replica girl takes position, swings a weapon alike his as she harnesses the energy of his magic, uses her own magic to mimic the shockwaves he makes. Her keyblade slams into the claymore and the illusion is temporarily shattered, until her magic is restored enough for her to reform it.

She is tired, but she continues regardless— there is part of her that can fight, instinctively, but instincts will not be enough to gt her though a serious fight, so she is stuck training, again.

( Make yourself useful, play your part right, puppet. Vessel may have some will of her own, but when she knows what her purpose is, she does not have a reason to go against it ).

She jumps back when a flurry of red flames are sent in her direction— red? That doesn’t seem quite right, despite the fact that it is far from the first time she has seen that attack ( rubs her eyes and they are back to a sea of blue ). She takes a moment to hang back and recollect herself; no time to question what she’s seeing, waits for his form to revert before she tries charging in. Keyblade collides with blade, holds there for a moment as she is stared down by green eyes before she is sent flying back and—

distinctly, she has the feeling he is holding back; a feeling that is similar to something she doesn’t quite know.

( Someone pleads with her to stop, and Xion only wishes that she could comply with it.

Somewhere deep in her soul, she too wishes she could stop ).

Girl plays her part very well. She is quiet, hidden beneath her cloak, does not spare a glance to their opponents

( They are your enemies. Do not spare them a second thought, she is told firmly, and like always does not question the orders she is given— the look in Saïx’s eyes when he gave her this order, however, does linger in her mind.

It haunts her, so she does as she is instructed and ignores to the best of her ability ).

It is hard to ignore bright red that keeps catching her eyes, the brunet that she had seen on that day—

a face that shatters her world and—

home home home home.

She ignores the feeling of her reality being threatened and clings onto the fact that they are supposed to be the victors here

( Does she even want them to win...? )

It is some irony who they are fighting, but it is easier to just throw herself into fighting without question, express her frustrations through her weapon instead ( it is easier to swing a weapon instead of thinking about why they share a face, easier to strike again instead of questioning the tug of her heart ).

She summons her keyblade and uses their magic and fights because Xion no longer knows what else to do; fights because she feels numb ( and play your part, puppet, whispers the back of her mind ). She has trained for this day, knows which order of actions she needs to take, which attacks to do when.

She attacks the girl alike her because it is less painful than facing the others; some part of her does not want to hurt her either— does not want to hurt any of the three, but that is too complex a thought for a time like this.

They succeed, of course, but she feels no joy; feels nothing with her heart ( except stop stop stop stop ). She hangs back and watches, ignores the prickling pain in the back of her mind—

Vessel does not know when she moved, only that her hand is in pain and stop stop stop stop please don’t take—

The words her superior speaks do not make sense to her ( who would be friends with a pawn like her? ), despite the fact that it resonates with some part of her; ignores that and stands up, she has her orders and puppet will do as she is told.

Her hands tremble and her throat feels tight and all puppet girl wants to do is ask why—?

Her world shatters and crumbles around her when he hears him speak through a face that does not match the voice; wails with pain when static fills her ears and you’re home, this is home, home home home home home—

( And suddenly, everything falls into place )

Despite the knowledge that her newfound memories have given her, a part of her can’t help but feel she’s betraying them by fighting like this; using what she has been taught to give her an advantage, so Xion hangs back a little at first

( She has an easier time fighting when she thinks about how he strung her along like the puppet she is—

That doesn’t make it any easier when she sees the glimmer of contentedness in his gaze when she delivers the finishing blow )

Like this, he teaches her, guides her unsteady hands, shows her how to defend herself. A potion is slipped into her hand when Xion makes the mistake of trying to counter his attack while in berserk mode.

“Keep your distance and use your magic.” Saïx warns, expression as solemn as ever. “You’ll be of more use to just force them to run into my attacks by using your own.”

And then, her posture is changed one last time, begrudgingly.

“If you’re going to strike me down, do it like this.”

( Had it been said to anyone else, such course of action would have seemed suicidal )

Perhaps it is unsurprising, when their fight has finished, that Xion breaks down in tears and cries— feels with a heart she has always had from the start ( in retrospect, everything makes sense, at last ).

She pushes herself close to her two friends and clings to them; no more being separated, she refuses to lose them again.

( Home, her heart sings, she’s finally at home ).

All of it feels sort of surreal; not forgotten, existing on her own terms—

( Finally being the three of them, at the beach, like they had promised so long ago ).

She had seen the beaches a few times in all of her existence, but none of it equates to this; being able to smile and laugh with her two best friends—

Her and Roxas screeching when Axel dunks them in the cold, salty sea water—

The three of them sitting in the sand, eating ice cream like old times.

( The sun sets on this chapter of their old lives, and she cannot be any more content than that )

#xion #kh #kh spoilers #kh3 spoilers #* mine #* zhi writes #owrjeiflskj this could be better but i just... want it out and done with u.u

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uniformbravo · 5 years

Text

me trying to make a gif part 2 (thrilling finale, buildup ver.)

ok good news and bad news: good news being withheld for Spoilers (not that it’s that hard to guess anyway lol), bad news explained first bc, chronologically, it is first

so yesterday i mentioned in the tags of that post that i had seen that krita has an animation feature so i was gonna try importing the frames into that and then exporting it as a gif. easier said than done, as it turns out

i started by opening the file i made yesterday with 62 layers as the frames and importing that into krita, which worked fine (i didn’t know you could actually open .psd files in clip stuido ((this typo is so fucking stupid it made me laugh so im leaving it)) and krita, so that’s pretty neat, i wonder if it works the other way around too) but i ran into problems when i tried to convert those layers into frames in an animation. because, like, the layout of the program has the layers displayed in one tab, and the animation timeline in another, like so:

(do u like how im using pictures now, i thought of that yesterday after i published the other post and realized hey, visual reference would probably make my plight a lot easier to understand!! so enjoy these educational diagrams from now on)

so my goal was to get the frames from the layers into the timeline, and i still don’t know if i did it right bc lbr krita is not very intuitive at all,,.,, i mean i watched a video tutorial abt how to animate in krita which was v helpful (it’s the one by jesse j james on yt fuckin SHout out) but it was about animating from scratch, not importing an animation you’ve already done elsewhere

so like, the way krita’s animation thing works, from what i could piece together as i bumbled my way around w/ it, is that each layer in the layers tab is a separate timeline in the,,, timeline tab

i want them all to be in the same timeline, not separate ones, and there’s no way to combine them in the timeline tab bc doing that just overwrites whatever layer you’re pasting it down onto, and also if you define the number of frames for that timeline (62 for this project) it just puts the single image of that layer for all of the frames instead of just one of them, so you’d have to go through and delete all the other frames you don’t want it to be, which would be such a fuckin pain

so i found a workaround, which is so tedious that it can’t be the right way to do it, but basically i started w/ layer 1 and defined 62 frames & then emptied frames 2-62, like this

(that blue box is the frame, btw, even tho it says 0, which actually kind of annoys me like why doesn’t it start the first frame on 1????)

from there i went up to layer two and selected that in the timeline, but for some reason the frame doesn’t show up automatically?

& i couldnt fuckin figure out how to make it into like, an Official Timeline Layer or whatever tf bc like, u see on layer 1 how theres that little lightbulb-looking icon on the right? that’s for turning on onion skin which only applies when you actually have frames with things drawn on them, so basically layer 2 in the layers tab has a drawing but in the timeline it doesn’t?

i didn’t find out what the actual reason for this is or how you’re /supposed/ to make the frame appear in the timeline, but what i did was right click on layer 2′s timeline & select “create blank frame” which magically made the frame i want appear

but it’s on top of the layer 1 frame, and i want it to be the frame after. also it’s still in a different timeline. this is the only easy fix in this whole damn process, u can literally just click & drag the frame from layer 2 to layer 1 and put it wherever u want on the timeline

and then u just delete layer 2 and that’s it, frame transferred!! then i just had to do that for 60 more layers and after [unspecified amount of time but it was a fuckin while ok] my timeline looked like this!

(the gaps near the end are held frames, to save me time so i didn’t have to copy a bunch of frames that were exactly the same)

krita is great because as far as i know ur animation can have an unlimited number of frames, at the risk of your own pc’s processing power, which is a definite upside to SOME expensive art programs i know (clip studio, i’m talking abt csp) and u can pick the frame rate too (cough photoshop elements 5.0 even tho u dont technically have an animation feature & it’s a miracle u can even make gifs at all) so once i finally got all the frames situated all nice and in order like on the same timeline, playing it was great! played at the right speed, looped perfectly, it was a dream come true right

well, time to export it as a gif

haha

hoooo oo o

so u got 2 options for exporting ur animation, u can either hit “export,” which lets u save it as different file types, one of which being gif, or you can hit “render,” which gives you gif and video options

well

i tried export first, bc that seemed like a good idea, but the “””gif””” it made was distinctly not a gif, despite its claim to be one?? this is what i got:

notice: 1. it is not moving, and 2. the black bars to the sides?? those are supposed to be transparent. they’re transparent in the file i made so why didn’t they register as transparent in the export, when gifs have transparency capabilities??

so That was some real live bullshit but i still had the “render” option, right? export was wrong, so rrender must be the correct option to go to that will produce the results i am wanting to see produced in front of me like a silver dinner platter with a correctly functioning gif under the lid, that’s what i want to see and “Render Animation...” is gonna Give me that silver platter righWRONG ok look at this shit rn ok Look

it says GIF it says it RIGHT THERE right??? right?????? then WHY

?????????????

and it also gave me all This bullshit

like did i ask?? did i fucking ask???? i already have all the individual frames why do i need even M o re i mfjgjgk

((rationally ok yea thats v useful for if ur making the animation in krita and want to export the frames to use elsewhere, but like uhhh 1. again, they’re not transparent & 2. i should have the option of saying i don’t want these??? bc *meme voice* i don’t want these)

so in the end i could find NO correct method of exporting animations as a gif in krita bc every ooption that says gif is fuckign LYING to ur face there are NO gifs in krita, aliens made the progam who looked at gifs and went “hmm i thikng this is how a gif works “ and just made jpegs instead but somehow got on the computers good side and got it to lie for them about it being a gif so thats why it says gif on the file still even tho its not a gif illimati confinr

so what is the conclusion to this? well i said there was good news too, and this is the portion where i divulge that sweet nectar (i type dthis 2 seconds ago and @ me what the fuck)

so after wasting a good 2 hours trying to figure out krita i gave up and watched some good old [youtuber name redacted bc what if it shows up in search & ppl see this dumbass post in there but it rhymes with fjackfsepticfeye] to relax into accepting my fate that i’ll never be able to upload my animations to tungle except in poor quality loopless video form, making me into a laughing stock on my own art blog, but THEN i had a stroke of genius, in my Brain

so if u read yesterday’s post u might remember that flipnote studio, the animation program i use on my ds, to animate, has the option to export files as gifs, both animated and sequential (meaning either as one fully animated gif or each individual frame separately), which is super convenient, but as i mentioned yesterday, any time i tried to open the folder with those files on my laptop, it crashed immediately

WELL today i thought “hey, how about instead of opening the folder in the sd card when it’s plugged in, how about i copy that folder from the sd card to my flash drive, and try to open it there, in case it’s the card’s hardware that’s causing the problem, not corrupted files”

so i tried that and it FUCKING WORKED THANK GOD GLORY HALLELUJAH

so now instead of spedning A THOUSAND YEARS trying and failing to force art programs to bend to my will i can just export the animations straight from my ds and drag them onto my computer Just As God Intended oh GOD im so fucking happy

here’s the gif in the end, i’m gonna post it to my art blog too but this is the Green Version bc i animate in green bc of some default settings in flipnote that i got used to, plus it makes me feel like i’m just sketching so nothing really has to be finalized so i’m comfortable while i work, and also it’s just nice ok it’s a Nice Green

(there’s a few frames at the end that are like the extra scraps from while i was working dw i got rid of those in the final version that i’m posting to my art blog later. also i added my blog url to that one too it’s aaaaaall good)

the only downside to this method is that i can’t change the canvas size to be 540px wide to fit with tumbrl s image dimensions but whatever i can just post them in a text post and fix the html to display it at its original size instead of the resizing bullshit tmurbl pulls constantly ugh. anyway it works great on desktop but it’s inevitably gonna look like shit on mobile no matter what i do *Big Ass Shrug*

anyway thats the end of my success story uhh i can’t make the like comment & subscribe joke again bc i already did that in the last post so like bye i guess thanks 4 watchign & have a great day i’ll see u in my next fvideo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYob4uDjEKI&t=0s

(^that’s my outro music)

#this started out so boring like a tutorial (but made by someone who doesn't know what the fuck theyre talking abt)#& then things derail Real Quick #that's why this is the ''buildup ver.''#retag later #talkin bout stuff #today posts #rieley's wips #(me: i can't mention this youtuber by name in case my post shows up in search #me: *adds a link to the post rendering that effort for naught*#me: *leaves it anyway bc it's funny*)#pls listen to the outro musi c it's rly good & tunmgmldnr wouldnt let me embed the video & idk how to do it thru html & too lazy to look it #up :(

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baek-beauty · 6 years

Text

Just For You - Chapter 03

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Romance, VampireAu, Action, Thriller, & Smut (in later parts)

Just For You: Plot Mini Masterlist

Length: 4.4k words

Previous Chapter

Today marked a new beginning for you. This was because you were no longer a student, nor an intern. Wearing that black and blue robe, holding your degree in one hand, while throwing with the other the graduation hat in the blue warm sky, everything felt like it was falling into place. Tears were padding your parents cheeks, watching their one and only daughter graduate, taking a new step into her life, a more promising one, that to some people might be a start of a bright future, and to others would end up with the world crashing on their shoulders; but to you, it was neither, what the future held for you, was definitely a glowing one but withheld a gloomy dusk.

Both your parents embraced you tightly, squeezing the breath out of you. They were excited, happy but most of all, they were very proud of you. You meant the world to them. Seeing the wide smile on their faces carried warmth to your heart, but it was not enough for you to be overjoyed, because you were missing the gorgeous smile that melted your heart, from that one person that meant the world to you.

Walking out of your car, the summery wind of June washed past your face. Stumbling inside the building, you entered the elevator all the while pressing on the top floor level where your office was. It had been a week since graduation that you took hold of the designing department in your dad’s company which is centered on creating a new collection of clothes every season. You were happy because it was your dream job. It was thrilling to know that you would be able to help develop the company by following your dad’s footsteps. Your excitement was apparent to everyone, but no one other than your parents knew the reason behind your sparkly-lit eyes.

Two more weeks till the world splashed you with love and happiness, two more weeks till you felt the warmth and security in that embrace again, two more weeks until you saw that ethereal human in your own eyes, to see Baekhyun once again.

You were nervous but nevertheless immersed in your own happiness, your heart pounding in your chest more and more as you got closer to that awaited day.

After achieving a new deadline with your team, it was a night to celebrate. You left work early after your dad congratulated the whole design department for the fantastic work that was attained. You ended up home around five pm, taking a long relaxing bath, texting Baekhyun of your plans and that you wouldn’t be contacting him for some time tonight. You awaited for his reply, but it never came, you were getting worried, it never took him much time to reply to you.

Putting on a green sleeveless dress that reached right above your knee, you looked stunning. You weren’t one to wear very revealing clothes, but it was undeniable to say that you were breathtaking. However, you didn’t want to impress anyone since the one you did want to, was in another continent for now. Powdering your face with a bit of blush and adding some mascara and nude lipstick, you looked in the mirror. ‘Chic and classy, definitely me’, you muttered to yourself.

The clock barely struck eight when the phone vibrated with a new text, a sweet smile brightened up your face, ‘Baek’ .

‘Congratulations Baby, I knew you would finish it on time. I’m proud of you sweetheart, take care of yourself tonight and enjoy ♡ Ps: What kind of place are you going to with your girl friends, they are all girls right?! And, I know it’s quite hot there, but take a long jacket just in case you get cold’

You giggled at his failing attempts to not be TOO obvious. He was never good at hiding from you, and being jealous was way easy to figure out. Of course you didn’t like to make him jealous, but he was just too cute when he did. He trusts you completely, but not the men around you, plus you weren’t a couple, YET. But he did call you baby & sweetheart, so did you, however you were waiting to meet up finally before taking that step together. And not to forget you still needed the answers for his disappearance, you weren’t going to make it easy for him, and he knew that.

‘Thank you baby ♡ we did our best, I hope the outcome turns out well... Well well Baekkie, are you perhaps jealous?! We are going to a bar, the one right across the highway. There will be girls and boys too. Three boys and to be honest very handsome men… One of them is even a model ;) As for my wardrobe, I’m wearing a green sleeveless dress, NOT too short for your liking ;) Anything else?’

As you grabbed your bag, you reached the knob of your door and pressed it open, stepping down the stairs, a new text came in. You hummed to yourself ‘Replying fast again… I see’, the smirk playing on your face,

‘It will babe. I’m sure of it, all that hard work will pay off. And are you trying to tease me Y/N?! What if I am jealous? Are you going to play with my feelings, eh?? Three BOYS? Who are they? You never told me about them... A MODEL? Don’t tell me he works with the company? Do you see him a lot? Btw, I love green on you, everything looks good on you, even if it was sweats, you make it look sexy ;) but I’m just counting my blessing that it’s not that short’

You stumble on the stairs, flushing red on his sweet words, ‘how can he do this to me when he’s not even here yet’ . You mutter trying to calm yourself. You had to snap out of it to notice what you actually did to him, you knew you could do wonders to that mind of his, and he made it way too easy. What you didn’t know though was that you were his weakness, his purpose on living and the reason behind his happiness once again.

You thought that you were going too far, that you might need to soothe that jealous man before he goes beyond crazy.

‘You know, it’s always too easy for me to play you :’) Ahhh you need to be careful around me Baekkie ;) The three men are actually in relationships with my friends. Two of them are already happily married with kids, and the model whose name btw, is Daniel, he is engaged to Sunbim. They are also on the verge of marriage :’) But yes, he does work with us and that’s how they actually met, two years ago. So calm down jealous boy ;)’

You were about to send it when a devilish idea popped in your head, ‘he made me blush with his flirtatious words, how would he like being seduced?!’, You grinned evilly. ‘time to make him explode with fire within’.

‘You’re so cheesy sometimes Baek, but I like it a lot :$... You know, I couldn’t wear a shorter dress. Even though I bought one the other day, a long sleeved BACKLESS red dress, way too short barely covering right under my bottom. I’m sure you would like it, but too bad you’re not here to see it :( ‘

You were kind of clueless to how he would react next, but you had to get back at him somehow.

You opened the front door, strolling to your car; you sat on the leather seat, and the phone vibrated once again.

‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME Y/N? You didn’t buy that dress right? Or did you? :o STOP TEASING ME, CAUSE I AM BEYOND MAD NOW, I’M GOING NUTS, YOU REALLY DON’T WANNA KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW… WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME! But, to be honest, how does a dress like that even exist? It should be banned! You’re ONLY allowed to wear it when I’m around, okay?? And I’m not asking you sweetheart, I’m stating it! I cannot take any chances on what’s mine :( You would look like a queen in it baby, just as you’re looking now in that green dress and those high heels ♡ ’

Even with the blush rising through your cheeks and the butterflies in your tummy fluttering excitedly, you couldn’t help but furrow your eyebrows at his statement. ‘Just as you’re looking now in that green dress and those high heels’. That was odd. ‘Why does he sound like he saw me in that dress? And how did he know I was wearing heels?’

You established an easy assumption that sounded good enough to you. ‘It’s not that hard to think of heels when you wear a dress, yeah so true. Why do I keep questioning everything around me? Get a hold of yourself Y/N ’. You scolded yourself for thinking too much into words that maybe didn’t even exist.

You did not know how long you were drifted in your own world, until he texted you back.

‘Y/N? You still here?’

‘Yes still here :p I did buy the dress Baek, I can send you a picture of it later if you want ;) Hmm... what am I doing to you Baekkie? Tell me, am I making you feel hot? Are u perhaps sweating imagining me in that red dress? Or are you dealing with something even more? Oh and I’ll think about it, maybe I would wear that dress for you or maybe for another guy, you never know, he might end up being my king ;), we’ll see when you get back home ;)’

How did you manage to let all that teasing slip out? You will never know how the confidence rose even higher in you, but you embraced it, liking how you had that powerful effect on Baekhyun.

It didn’t take him long to reply back.

‘Oh god, what are you doing to me Y/N, you’re making me feel even more now… Yes, I feel hot and bothered okay? You happy now? When did you learn to tease so well baby? It’s quite fascinating ;) How am I supposed to take all this, you are making me go crazy! Dream on baby I would go and hurt that guy real bad -.- don’t trigger me now :( and YES I would like to see a picture of the dress…maybe even a picture of you wearing it?’

You snickered, shaking your head in disbelief. ‘Does that man know when to stop?’ You were beyond ecstatic. You drove him insane in every way and you couldn’t ask for more now.

You turned on the car, deciding to drive there before you reply to him. It was about a 10 minutes’ drive, so he can wait a bit ;)

As soon as you parked, you picked the phone, expecting maybe another text from him, but nothing came. ‘Weird, he might of calmed down a bit?’ You wrote to him before exiting the car to enter the lit up bar,

‘I’m delighted Baek, knowing I can do to you so much :’) I wasn’t born yesterday you know and you quiet missed a lot since you left for 4 years :) so it’s on you… I didn’t change much, true, but I have some secrets that you’ll soon find out ! And about that picture, DREAM ON BABY, I will send you a picture of the DRESS when I get back home, now I got to go, I’m at the bar. Bye Baekkie ♡ ‘

Two can play at this game! You locked your phone, tossing it in your purse.

Stepping inside the bar, you were greeted by your friends…

The night was fun, hanging out with your friends not knowing how many topics were deliberated. Finishing your second glass of red wine, you decided to tone it down a bit. You never tolerated alcohol well, so you kept it within your limit.

Checking the clock on your phone, you noticed it was about eleven pm now. Tiredness soon took over your body. You called it a night, bidding your goodbyes. Heading out of the bar, you felt eyes boring on you, watching your every step. You tilted your head in every direction but was caught with nothing. Nobody was there. You shook your head, stepping even further from the bar into the parking lot. You couldn’t miss the noise of shuffles behind you, turning around suddenly to catch the said person?! You kept rolling your head, waiting for another move to happen.

It could not have been the wine making you imagine things, you barely drank and you were wide awake for sure. You turned around, taking bigger steps towards the car, your heart trembling with fear all along. You just wanted to get home safely and to be away from whoever or whatever it is.

Brushing your hand on the drivers’ door to open it, a huge albeit cold hand was in a second, pressing on top of yours. You stumbled back in surprise, hitting that person‘s chest, when he spun you around to look at him.

You saw a young man, definitely older than you though, about 23 of age, black hair tousled up in a messy way, as if he just woke up. Eyes droopy half open, barely looking at you and the worst feature was his nose, it was too red, he might have been sick. However, when he coughed and you smelled his breath, it was a mixture of drugs and alcohol.

You dozed off analyzing him and you pushed your hand away from him in an attempt to free yourself, but he was faster. That man had quite the reflex; he had ntightened his hold on you.

Wondering what he wanted, you asked in fear,

“Wha- What do you want?”

He looked at you puzzled, as if he just forgot his purpose of attacking you. He straightened his posture and opened his eyes wide, but the widest for him was even less than a normal stare.

“Give me your purse, your phone and your car key.”

You stepped back, not knowing what to do next, still not answering him, he started to get frustrated. With both hands, he took hold of your shoulders and started shaking you roughly back and forth.

“Give them to me NOW.”

He was yelling at you and the fear continued building up inside your chest the longer he kept shuddering you. But you wouldn’t give up, no! You were stronger than that, you yelled out a ‘NO’, only to feel your face hitting roughly the window of the car and your shoulder cracking at the intensity of the hit.

You screamed out in pain, your body losing all sort of control, you broke down on the floor, not able to hold yourself up any longer. Not a second later, looking at him, he soon held out a pocketknife from his pant. You tried to move back, to reach the furthest away from him as possible, but your body wasn’t cooperating with you, you couldn’t move a single bone. Seeing you suffer, he showed a wicked smile before speaking;

“Let’s see how you’ll mumble another NO after i cut your tongue out”

“Please stop, leave me alone”

You cracked, eyes heavy with tears, praying for a miracle to save you from this nightmare, to take you back home safe and sound. You were lost in your own prayers, when you heard groans and punches around you. Trying to focus your gaze on the fight stirring within your eyesight, you saw a shadow of a man, punching the druggy who attacked you, in the face over and over again.

You tried to tell him to stop; you did not want him to kill somebody to save your life, besides what he did for now was more than enough to you. He saved you and took that man away from you. You couldn’t thank him enough for this. You swallowed thickly in an attempt to speak, but your voice coming out only as a whisper.

“Please, stop”

Focusing on your savior, he stopped suddenly in his own track, leaving the beaten man on the floor coughing. He turned in your direction, taking steps towards you. ‘Did he actually hear me? It was barely a whisper’, you asked yourself, feeling that you started to drift in slumber. Trying to widen your eyes just to take a glance at the man who was leaning down now on his legs right in front of you. He sneaked both hands under your figure, one taking hold of your back and the other holding you under your thighs, lifting you up in his arms. Your head resting on his heart, hearing the low peaceful heartbeats. It was a smooth symphony, taking your mind off the previous events.

With force, you lift your head up, to be met with two golden eyes, giving you sparks in your heart and making your blood run wild. You tried to examine his face, but you were drifting away again. You battled yourself to take one more look at him, only to notice the soft stare he gave you, it held too many emotions lingering within, love, pain, fear, worry, adoration, even hunger. Making you feel overwhelmed, as you didn’t know who this man is and why is he looking at you that way.

Those eyes… that smile… this face… so familiar to you...

You were breaking now, unable to focus anymore, your body was giving up and so was your mind. You wanted to thank him though before you lose complete consciousness, so you sighed a breathy ‘Thank You’, hinting to a small smile trying to take hold on your lips, but the pain was unbearable at this point.

When he gave you a last glance, he opened his mouth to say something, but the last thing you noticed was his fangs, very sharp fangs, with a sting of what looked like blood?! Your eyes glued shut, the darkness taking over you still in his arms.

‘Please stop, don’t hurt me.’

You woke up with tears shadowing your eyes and cheeks. Lifting your head up, you tried to adjust to your surroundings. You recognized the familiar scent of your room. You were in bed, under your comfortable sheets.

But how did you end up here? Was it all just a dream? A terrible nightmare that you couldn’t escape from?

Twirling in your bed not able to ignore the sharp strain in your shoulder, you let the sheets roll down a bit to reveal your body, only to detect a bandage tied to your arm.

Then you remembered from your ‘so called dream, that you were shoved right into the car’s window, hitting your head and shoulder in the process. Your hand flew up to your head, in reflex to that scene replaying in your mind, when you felt a sharp pain lunging there.

‘Perhaps my nightmare was not actually a dream after all’

Hold up!

‘How did I get to my house then? And who was that guy who saved me? Was he even real?’

You were so lost… not able to recognize reality from a dream. That was until you heard the bedroom door creak open to reveal your mother. When she took a look at you , seeing that you were awake from your slumber, her eyes softened with a small smile appearing on her lips. She rushed beside you, taking you in a tight embrace.

“Finally, you’re awake”

You could hear the relief rising in her voice, as if you were gone for so long.

“Hey mom… I’m fine, why do you sound so worried?!”

She looked at you dazed, wondering if you knew how long you have been unconscious.

“Sweetie you have been unconscious for almost a day!”

“A day? I have been out for a day? Wait mom, how did I get here? And that man who saved me, where is he?”

“Yes a day... What man honey? We found you at the front door, all alone, lying on the doorstep with those bruises. We panicked, seeing you hurt. Not knowing what happened, we tried to wake you up, but you didn’t budge. So we carried you to your room and called the doctor, he gave you some painkillers and told us that it would take some time for you to wake up again.”

You were still processing her words, when she added,

“Your car was in the driveway, so we figured you parked it and got to the door but couldn’t make it inside….”

How did your car get here? Maybe that man drove it… but how could he possibly know where you live?

You started to worry, trying to remember more details about that night, but failing miserably.

“M- m- mom, I don’t remember much from what happened! That- that night… a stranger saved me from that druggy, he pushed him away from me, but I can’t remember what happened next…”

You couldn’t hold your tears in anymore, you were afraid, not for yourself, but for that stranger… not knowing what he actually did to save you.

Your mother didn’t let you drift in your thoughts for long.

“The doctor told us that the hit on your head was really severe, and that it would end up in a concussion. It would take you a couple of days or weeks to remember details again. So I don’t want you pressuring yourself okay?”

It was a bit strange… your mom having a quick answer to all your questionings, as if she was prepared.

“Alright, but mom… that man saved my life, and I don’t remember what he did to save me. God, I hope he didn’t do something major, I don’t want him to get in trouble. I don’t even remember if I thanked him.”

You were terrified, talking so fast not realizing that you were out of breath. Your mom shushed you, trying to calm you down. Telling you that it was going to be okay.

Soothing down that day, you texted Baekhyun, reassuring him that you’re doing fine, since your mom informed you that he asked your dad and her about you… you weren’t answering his calls and that made him worry.

You told him about the stranger that saved you, but you only got a hum in response from him. And when you continued explaining the events of that night, he cut you off raising his voice by a few octaves, telling you that he is grateful for that man… and then came the saddling question;

“Do you remember what else happened?”

His voice came out with a slice of worry and anticipation. Not knowing what shot up in him then, you answered a simple ‘No’, not wanting to overthink it again. But before any thought rushed through your head, the voice of Baekhyun rising from the line was comforting every bone in your body, he was always able to do wonders to you, as you did to him. He mentioned to you that once he was back, he would never leave your sight anymore; nothing would harm you, not even a bug. He would protect you from everything, from the world itself. He promised you that, the honesty in his voice strengthening your trust in him.

Just ten more days till this man finally comes home… to you.

Getting back to your normal life, you hated staying in bed; you needed to get back to work, to take your mind off things. Letting everything get back to normal… … Unfortunately, nothing was normal, it was getting creepier by the day… Every time you left the house, you would feel eyes ogling on you, on your every move. It made you warry of everything around you, deciding to lock yourself between work and home.

But that wasn’t just it, since the day you got back to work, you started to remember bits and pieces again of that night. Never forgetting what you uncovered,

‘That stranger heard my pleading for him to stop hitting that drunk man, how did he manage to hear me though?... That druggy was coughing, so he was still alive thank god!...’

Blushing at the next part,

‘He came and picked me up in his arms… I DID motion a quite thank you to him…’

Feeling a bit relieved… but that didn’t last for long! You were startled by the last event,

‘His eyes, th- they were golden!! A- And the fangs… way too sharp…’

You cracked, widening your eyes at the next thought

‘Blood?!’

Confused, you were bewildered all evening, trying to recall if what you saw was actual blood, and if it were… then what did that even mean?

Stuck in that hole of thoughts, you dozed out falling asleep from exhaustion.

… ‘Thank you!’ You mumbled out all the while looking at those golden eyes, so captivating… you couldn’t help but to let the small smile creep on your face, even with all the pain. Then he gave you a quick glance, before turning his face again and spoke. ‘You are okay, you are going to be okay, I promise you… I’m sorry I came late, please forgive me.’ You could only focus on his sharp fangs… with a sting of blood on them, dark blood. ‘Those eyes… that smile… this face… why does he look so familiar?’

WAIT!

‘That voice! I know this voice, I can recognize it anywhere!’

Losing consciousness, his face was revealed to you!

You woke up in shock… only to see that same beautiful face above yours, gawking at you deeply. You blinked once trying to utter a word…. But before your lips even parted, that person was long gone. You got up fast trying to find him, only to spot the bedroom’s window wide open. Running fast towards it, looking out, no one was there. The shock not leaving your face, trying to mutter one word, one name.

“Baekhyun ?!”

Chapter 4

#baekhyun #reader #byun baekhyun #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun ff #fluff #romance #vampire #slight angst #slight smut #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun fic #exo #kpop #exo fluff #exo romance #fanfic #kpop scenarios

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uberhero-chorus · 6 years

Note

🕰 ((u already know))

Sneak Peek

(( Prepare yourselves kiddies you are about to read one helluva drabble.This also explains some of V; Uberhero High ‘s World btw ))

Hatapon lost count of the years for awhile, as many long-lived Patapon did. He still did his duties in leading hunts and the occasional army to drive away a giant or two, and he still remained a very important member of the tribe.

Except, he witnessed his tribe grow steadily. The population grew in size, and thus needed more space. The tribe became a village, and then a town, before becoming a small city. Then, as relations with Zigotons and Karmens became stronger, some of them joined the mix. Soon enough, Patapolis had become a sprawling metropolis full of Patapons, Zigotons, and Karmen alike.

With the Zigotons and Karmen came advanced knowledge of materials not well known by the Patapons. And the brightest of them all pooled their knowledge together to gradually create new technologies for all to enjoy.

Somewhere along the way, something extraordinary happened. The masks of Heroes and Uberheroes were starting to be unearthed, and their powers still intact. And while they no longer had the essence of Almighty Patapons in them, and the amnesia they had given to Heroes and Uberheroes of old seemed to have vanished or had been reduced, something still had to be done with those who accepted their powers. From then on, anyone who should obtain a mask would be required to attend special training academies.

Hatapon happened to think about the Uberheroes while he read the papers one day. While most of the masks had been found (sometimes, there were even duplicates of the same mask recovered!) he had heard nothing about a particular mask he had hidden away long ago. He wondered if they would ever find it, actually...

Myamsar Mask Located at Long Last in Mater Park

The emboldened headline in the papers that next day caught Hatapon’s attention right away. How could it not? Every time he saw or heard that name, his attention was immediately stolen away. He had made good on his promise to Arye that day, that he would not be a forgotten hero. The tales of Arye the Almighty of justice, Kitt the Hero of the Patapons, and the “Ballad of the Uberhero” were popular folk tales that had been passed down from generation to generation. They had even been illustrated, painted, and put into print! Some textbooks even held excerpts of the tales within them!

And, lo and behold, here in the newspaper before him.

The mask that the Almighty Arye once used to fend off the Archfiends has been discovered once again after centuries upon centuries of hiding.

“Didn’t think I hid it too well.” Hata giggled. “All I did was bury it, guys.”

The new holder of the Myamsar mask is a twelve-year-old Patapon from the outskirts of Patapolis. The article continued. His identity and exact place of residence have been withheld from the general public to protect his identity.

“As they should.” The Flagbearer huffed.

The new Myamsar will be seeing a tutor immediately, and will start attending a Hero Academy once he turns fourteen.

“Hrmph.” Hatapon slumped a little. “New Myamsar”, something about that just didn’t sit right with him. The Myamsar he knew, however, was Almighty Arye fused with the Hero Kitt, though... This kid was probably very different. He probably wasn’t going to be the Myamsar he knew.

Well, he’d just have to wait and wonder.

The news about the Myamsar mask’s recovery had been... What? Four years ago now? And quite a lot seems to have gone down since then.

First, being called out on a special case: To find an Uberhero who had fled his abusive foster parents and remained on the run for quite some time. They had contacted Hatapon and the Trifecta when the situation was getting desperate, and the safety of the kid was most definitely a concern.They did find him. Well, Chin did. It was a rainy, cold evening when the Tatepon found the Uberhero, bleeding on the soaked pavement. Turns out he had encountered the wrong crowd, who attacked him with a switchblade.

The Flagbearer, amid the organized panic that was the Trifecta, had frozen when he saw just which Uberhero he was handling here.Myamsar

It had been forever since he had seen that cat-like mask on an actual Patapon.

And when he had heard the kid was in foster care, and that he was now out of a home after this incident... Well, the ever kindly and now powerful Meden dropped a few hints on CPS regarding their newest foster parent, and Hatapon was given a call about a “Sixteen-year-old Uberhero in need of a home.”

On the day he showed up to pick Myamsar up, his Zigoton social worker seemed to immediately swoop in and pull him aside. She had a lot of things to explain, as evident by a hearty stack of folders containing paper after paper on things regarding this kid.

“-And here is the medicine he is currently taking.” Kyuton said. “This here is his emergency allergy shots- he should have at least one of these on his person at all times. And this one is his painkillers.” She praddled on, talking a bit quickly. “He needs one half of these everyday. If he is feeling any abnormal pain, then call his doctor- number here!” She pointed out a phone number on the label. “Next... Um... I should probably explain why he needs the medicine...”

“Where... Where the heck is the rice in this place?”

Supermarkets usually got Hatapon a bit confused as he tried to find one or two items within such a large and cluttered place, and he was rightfully teased for being ‘Old Man Hata’ because of it. Fair enough.

It was getting a little late, and he really had to get started on dinner soon. While he had to buy a little extra for the other mouth he now had to feed, Hatapon swore to his foster charge that he would be using the government checks on his needs and only his needs. He had to admit, though, that money was quite a savior to his bank account! It felt good to foster properly, knowing he was putting the money towards its intended use.

While Hata was still trying to track down the rice, he happened to catch a whiff of the fish as he passed the meat isle. He slowed down and looked to a cute chalkboard sign.

Super Saturday Sale! All fish products, 50% off!! It read.

“...Fifty percent?” Hatapon speculated. “Sounds kinda... Fishy. Heh.” He joked to himself, making his way to the clerk in charge of this section. If Myamsar were here, he’d probably make some kind of noise in between a laugh and an “UUGGHH MISTER HATAPON-”

“’Scuse me.” Hatapon said to the clerk. “Is uhh... The fish priced like this for a particular reason or...?”

“Aha! Nah, buddy, nothins’ gone bad, I promise!” The accented Dekamen running the fish isle laughed. “Nah, it’s only on sale ‘cause the guy who orders the stuff bought WAY too many, so we knocked down the prices until the stock evens out.” He explained.

“Oh, okay, good!” Hata giggled. He remembered one tiny detail about the Myamsar he had known long ago... He had always loved fish. If a traveling merchant was passing by with a load of fish, he and the Trifecta knew what would be for dinner that night.

Perhaps...

“Okay... How about I get some tuna, rainbow trout, some grouper,,, And some salmon.” Hatapon ordered.

“Comin’ right up, sir.” The Dekamen replied, gathering up the fish in some paper bags.”

“Thanks, and... Where’s the rice?”

“Down three isles, it’s right by the pastas.”

“Thanks!”

“I’m home, Myams!” Hatapon called as he stepped into the apartment, carrying a good load of groceries in each arm. “Where have ya got to...?”

To Hatapon’s amusement, he had stepped into the living room to fins Myamsar fast asleep on top of the radiator. His school jacket and bag had been tossed onto a chair, he must’ve come home from a meeting and conked right out.

“Heh, imagine that.” The Flagbearer giggled. “I’m not sure if I’m looking after an Uberhero, or an actual cat!” He gave the teen a nudge. “You conscious, Myam?”

A slight ear twitch, but he otherwise showed no sign of waking.

He was really starting to remind him of Arye now, it was almost frightening. While it was never a radiator, the Uberhero did find quite a few... Unusual places to take catnaps. And when he did that, it was either impossible to find him or impossible to wake him up. The only thing that stirred Arye from his beauty sleep was...

Hatapon began to work on dinner right away. While he had initially planned on making something else, he knew that fish should be prepared as soon as possible to prevent spoiling. He set the other fish in the freezer in favor of the salmon tonight, Arye’s favorite...

Lemon seasoned salmon with wild rice on the side was dinner tonight, and the aroma was pretty good (for now). When everything was pretty much done, Myamsar had finally been drawn to the kitchenette, a yawn escaping him.

“I see you’re back among the living!” Hatapon greeted. “Have a good nap on the radiator?”

“..Hrrm? It’s a warm spot...”

“Yeah, but it’s also metal. Don’t go killing your muscles now.” He advised. “Now sit down, dinners ready.” The flagbearer smiled. “...And I think you might like this one!”

Myamsar sat down at his plate, not hesitating on trying some salmon. Instantly, his expression perked into a more wide-awake one.

“Oh, wow! This is really good!” He mewed. “What is it?”

“Salmon. It’s a type of fish.”

“It’s really tasty! It feels... Nostalgic, even...” The teen nodded as he ate more of dinner.

Hatapon was speechless. This... This can’t be a coincidence anymore. It seemed that as Myamsar opened up to Hatapon more and more, he only continued to resemble the Arye he knew...Maybe he should ask now...

“Say... Myams?”

“Mister Hatapon?”

“Do you... Do you trust me, Myamsar?”

“...Yeah, I’m pretty sure I do now.” The Uberhero admitted. “I mean, thinking back on it, you did help me when I got stabbed that one time... And you are one of the kindest fosters I’ve ever had.” He mused. “I feel like I can actually talk to you, you know? Even though I’ve been through so much, you’ve been really patient with me.”

“That’s.... That’s good, because...” Hata began. “Myamsar, I know that Uberheroes keep their birth names between themselves and immediate family, but... Do you mind telling me your name? The one you were born with?”

Myamsar remained silent for awhile, causing Hatapon to worry.

“I-it’s okay if you don’t-”

“Kitt.”

“-Huh?”

“My name? It’s Kitt.” Myamsar said. “Kind of a... Dumb name, yeah.” He rubbed the back of his head nervously. “...You look kind of wide-eyed there, Mister Hatapon. Does “Kitt” mean something to you?”

...So it’s true. Hatapon summed up in his head. This seriously can’t be coincidence anymore, they’re just too alike... Almighty Arye, did you revive the Hero Kitt’s soul with a fragment of your own?

“Oh, Myamsar... Kitt isn’t a silly name, now.” Hatapon said wholesomely. “It... It actually does mean something very important to me...”

Welcome back, Arye... Kitt... Myamsar.

#Asks;#Drabbles;#V; Uberhero High #🐈Myamsar🐈#((I. am. so. sorry. this. drabble. turned. into. a. ficlet.#((But I hope you like it anyways and I hope I adlibbed Hata okay #eyetheflagwielder

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tallmantall · 2 years

Text

#JamesDonaldson On #MentalHealth - Saying These Words Could Help Someone Who Is Contemplating #Suicide

Experts say that asking someone directly “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” can be effective at identifying someone at risk for #suicide, offering the opportunity to steer them to professional help By Julie Mack | special to MLive When Paulo realized a troubled friend was at risk of #suicide, he knew what to do. A few years before, Paulo had participated in a #suicideprevention program at Kalamazoo Central #HighSchool. He learned the red flags. He also learned the importance of asking someone if they were having #suicidalthoughts. “He was freaking out,” said, Paulo, whose last name is being withheld to protect his friend’s privacy. “I was really worried about his well-being.” Paulo, now 20, called his mother, whose work includes #suicideprevention, to review how he should intervene. “She told me what I already knew from the training, which was just keeping him calm, talking to him, asking him if he was thinking of #suicide,” Paulo said. Paulo ended up helping his friend go to a hospital and notifying the friend’s #parents. That #highschool training “helped me stay mentally OK through the whole process and helped me help my friend,” Paulo said in a video for Gryphon Place, a Kalamazoo #suicideprevention program. More than 15,000 Michiganders died by #suicide over the past decade, include 345 in Kalamazoo County. While rates are highest among middle-age and older men, suicides account for more than 20% of deaths among ages 15 to 24. Studies indicate 90% of people who die by #suicide have an underlying — and potentially treatable — #mentalhealthcondition. Regardless of age, experts say that asking someone directly, “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” can be effective at identifying someone at risk for #suicide, offering the opportunity to steer them to professional help. In fact, “people can kind of give you that invitation to ask if they’re feeling suicidal,” said Susan Davis, a #counselor with Children & Family Services in Kalamazoo. “They want somebody to ask. There’s a big myth out there that if you ask somebody if they’re thinking about #suicide, you’re giving them the idea, and that’s not true. They either already have it and or they don’t and they’ll tell you.” Maricela Alcala, the Gryphon Place executive director, agreed. Asking the question “shows the person that you’re concerned, that you care, that you want to help,” she said. “And you’re also showing that you’re not afraid to talk about #suicide,” which makes it more comfortable for them to share their thoughts. People contemplating #suicide often feel isolated and alone, and having a conversation about their despair may lessen those feelings, said Larry Beer, a longtime Kalamazoo clinical #psychologist. “Lack of connection is one of the reasons why people come to #suicide,” Beer said. “For instance, it’s a high risk after a severe breakup -- somebody really feels that hurt and pain and just can’t imagine being able to reconnect again. So when they feel connection with somebody, it can make less likely they actually act on” #suicidalthoughts. To be sure, asking someone about suicide is a difficult conversation for people who aren’t trained #therapists. “It’s hard to get comfortable asking that question about #suicide. I get it,” Davis said. “I don’t have a hard time at work with it. But in my personal life, when I’ve had to ask that question, I’ve tripped over my words. It’s hard to ask.” But she also said she’s seen the benefits many times. “It’s amazing to see how kind of relieved that a #parent feels when they’ve asked their #child that question, even when they get the ‘yes’ answer,” Davis said. “As least they know what’s going on, and they can reach out and get help.” But what are the red flags that indicate such a conversation is needed? How do you initiate that talk and what needs to be conveyed? And, perhaps most importantly, what action needs to be taken if the individual acknowledges #suicidalthoughts? https://mlive.carto.com/u/levinscott/builder/c3897441-c7c0-4c68-98c2-09d0d6501151/embed The above map shows #suicide deaths by county for 2010-20, based on data from the federal #CentersforDiseaseControl. The map is shaded by the #suicide rate per 100,000 residents. You can click on a county to see the numbers. Can’t see the map? Click here. Warning signs The #NationalInstituteofMentalHealth lists a number of warning signs that someone may be at immediate risk of #suicide. Among the red flags: • Talking about wanting to die or wanting to kill themselves or talking about death often. • Talking about feeling empty or hopeless or having no reason to live. • Feeling unbearable emotional or physical pain. • Talking about being a burden to others. • Talking about feeling great guilt or shame • Withdrawing from family and friends. • Saying goodbye to friends and family and/or putting affairs in order, such as making a will and giving away important possessions. • Taking risks that could lead to death, such as driving extremely fast. Other serious warning signs: Extreme mood swings; using #drugs or #alcohol more frequently; looking for ways to kill themselves, such as searching for lethal methods online, stockpiling pills, or buying a gun. “If someone’s been depressed for awhile and then all of a sudden starts feeling really good, that’s kind of a scary time because maybe they’ve come to the decision they do want to commit #suicide,” Beer said. In that situation, those around the person may well see the change in mood as a positive sign. “They think, ‘OK, I don’t have to worry anymore,’ " Beer said. “But it can be a sign of concern.” Specific life events -- the death of a loved one, the breakup of a relationship, the loss of a job, financial problems -- can be so overwhelming for some that they see suicide as the only solution. Likewise, people with serious clinical #depression may see no other resolution. “Sometimes when people are really depressed, they can’t imagine feeling good ever again,” Beer said. “People want to commit #suicide because they don’t want the pain anymore.” While #women are more likely to attempt #suicide, #men have a much higher rate of dying because they are more likely to use a gun. White men comprise 69% of Michigan #suicide deaths -- 10,425 of 15,062 deaths in the past decade, a rate four times that of white women and twice that of other #men, as shown by the chart below. However, adjusted for population size, the group with highest rate of #suicide in Michigan are Native #American #men. Having the conversation Asking someone about #suicide is a conversation that should be had in person versus over the phone, experts say. That’s especially true if the #suicide threat seems immediate: You don’t want to risk the individual cutting the conversation short by hanging up. It’s also important to be direct but empathetic versus judgmental during the talk, experts say, and to stay calm. “When someone is agitated and very anxious or angry, we’re not really thinking clearly,” Marcela Alcala said. “We’re not really using our cerebral cortex and reality is different at that point. We’ve all had experiences where we were angry -- and then when we’re calm, we realized, wow, that wasn’t quite as big of a deal as it felt like when we were agitated. So first thing is to have someone calm so you can have a rational conversation.” Tell the person that you want to check in with them and ask how they’re feeling. Ask directly: “Are you having thoughts of #suicide?” or “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” Avoid framing the question in a judgmental way such as: “You’re not thinking of doing anything stupid, are you?” Listen to their response and let them talk about why they’re thinking of #suicide. Ask if they have a #suicide plan. Once again, don’t be judgmental or argumentative. But tell the person that you and others really don’t want them to die. Michelle Serlin, who heads Choices for Change, a Kalamazoo counseling agency, said that when she has a client with #suicidalthoughts, she might say, “I really hope you don’t do that because I would be really sad if I never got to see you again. Don’t you care about my feelings?” “They usually start laughing and it kind of pushes them out of a it a bit,” she said. “Then I’ll say, “Now let’s talk about what’s bothering you.’ ” If someone acknowledges #suicidalthoughts, the next step is helping them to connect with a #mentalhealthprofessional. If the #suicide threat seems immediate, that may involve taking the person to an emergency room for a #mentalhealth evaluation or calling 911 if the person refuses to seek medical treatment. Other options: Calling the individual’s primary #healthcareprovider or calling Gryphon Place or another #suicideprevention agency or hotline. “A person can call us and say, ‘I’m calling for another person’ and hand over the phone,” Alcala said. Gryphon Place also can be a resource in advance of such a conversation, by coaching the person initiating the talk on what to say and what steps of action might be necessary. Gryphon Place can definitely help guide someone “through the process of supporting another person with #suicidalthoughts,” Alcala said. The agency serves the Kalamazoo region, and operates a 24-hour hotline at 269-381-HELP. In fact, Gryphon Place offers several types of #suicideprevention trainings specifically designed to help people identify friends and family members who might be at risk of #suicide and how to talk to them about it. One of those trainings, The Gatekeepers program, helped Paulo recognize the need to reach out to his troubled friend. That curriculum is designed for middle and high schoolers, and is in place in Kalamazoo, Portage, Mattawan, Gull Lake, Otsego, Mendon, Constantine, White Pigeon and Union City #school districts plus Hackett Catholic Prep. Another program offered by Gryphon Place, safeTALK, is a similar half-day training for #adults. Both programs are designed to provide participants with information about #suicide, #depression, and resources available for at-risk individuals; how to identify people who might be at risk of #suicide, and when and how to intervene. #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space. #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleOrder your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife:From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy http://www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com Maricela Alcala, chief executive officer of Gryphon Place, poses for a portrait in Kalamazoo County, Michigan on Monday April 11, 2022. Gryphon Place is agency that provides crisis and counseling services, they also provided a 24/7 helpline. Not a silver bullet To be sure, an intervention session with a suicidal loved one may not save their life. Serlin knows that all too well. Her brother Joel died by #suicide at age 32 in 1998. Joel was smart and handsome, but he also suffered from severe #mentalillness. “He was diagnosed with schizoid type 1,” Serlin said. “My brother said to me once, ‘I want you to understand how I feel. So I want you to take your worst, worst, most miserable day. That’s my best day.’ I’ll never forget that comment.” Serlin said she and other family members had numerous conversations with her brother over the years about his #suicidalthoughts. “I always thought we would catch it if something bad happened,” she said. But then her brother went through a very painful breakup with a longtime girlfriend, and took his own life. “Sometimes people reach a tipping point,” Maricela Alcala said. So even when friends or family members offer support, #suicide “can still happen and it’s nobody’s fault.” Another big issue is access to #mentalhealthservices, even when the person is willing to seek help. While hospital emergency departments are required to see people in a #mentalhealthcrisis regardless of ability to pay, finding affordable outpatient therapy can be challenging. The #pandemic has increased the demand for #counselors -- and decreased the supply, as some #therapists have experienced burnout and left the profession. “There’s just not enough #mentalhealth #counselors out there,” Beer said. One option is working through a primary-care provider to find a #therapist. Another option for people who can afford it: Online #therapists available through an app such as Talkspace. “It gives you access to people who are trained, who can provide the help,” Beer said. What the research says Based on anecdotal experience, experts say that asking people directly about #suicidalthoughts can be an effective intervention. The actual research on the topic is encouraging, but limited. Studies found asking people about #suicidalthoughts does not increase #suicideideation, according to a 2014 meta-analysis published in Psychological Medicine. That analysis concludes “acknowledging and talking about #suicide may in fact reduce, rather than increase #suicidalideation, and may lead to improvements in #mentalhealth in treatment-seeking populations.” Likewise, studies that look that at programs such as Gatekeepers and safeTALK found they can raise awareness and reduce #stigma about #depression and #suicide, and reduce the reluctance to intervene when someone is at risk of #suicide, according to a 2015 meta-analysis in Rand Health Quarterly. Still, that 2015 review of the literature noted that the question of whether such interventions actually reduce #suicide “remains unexamined,” saying there are no studies that have linked such interventions to a lowering of #suicide rates. Maricela Alcala said part of the problem is that #suicide numbers historically have been unreliable and subject to undercounting, based on the reluctance of some to state that someone died of #suicide. Plus, some suicides -- especially those involving car crashes or drug overdoses -- get recorded as accidental deaths because intent is unclear. In fact, Alcala said, it’s possible the rise in suicides in the past 15 years actually reflects better reporting vs. a true increase. “With all the educational awareness that communities are doing, people are more likely to call a #suicide death for up what it is and that’s why there are more numbers,” she said. “That’s my personal opinion, that we’re able to count better.” Still, in a 2021 paper on #suicideprevention research priorities, the federal #CentersforDiseaseControlandPrevention acknowledged that research has yielded lots of information about risk factors for #suicide, but “less is known about protective factors.” “There is also little known about potential synergies between combinations of various risk and/or protective factors that could amplify risk or protective effects,” the paper said. But based on his own experience, Paulo has no doubt that intervening with his friend made a difference. If he hadn’t known to intervene, Paulo said, “I think the situation could have escalated and gotten a lot worse. I might have blown off the situation, and been like, ‘This happens to everybody. He’ll be fine.’ " Instead, Paulo said, “we got him the help that he needed.” #Suicideprevention resources: Gryphon Place operates a 24-hour crisis hotline at 269-381-HELP (4357). The #NationalSuicidePreventionHotline is available at 1-800-273-8255. Crisis Text Line is a texting service for emotional crisis support. To speak with a trained listener, text HELLO to 741741. It is free, available 24/7, and confidential. The #VeteranCrisisHotline is 1-800-273-8255, press 1. Read the full article

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boomboomburp · 6 years

Text

Tagged by: @innocent-before-mendes

The Rules: answer these questions and tag 10 people you would like to know better to do the same!

Some information will be withheld, because paranoia

A: Age - Nope

B: Birthplace - London, England

C: Current Time - 12:08pm

D: Drink you last had - Ice water

E: Easiest person to talk to - Very much depends on what is actually wrong, if it was something to do with my poor-at-best mental health, it would probably be my girlfriend, who has deactivated. otherwise its often nice to talk with @wind-the-music-box, @pleaselet-me-go @minicartoon, @spadescribbles @askmeowsticdraws (Even if half our conversation is cats and me telling you to sleep) @askthefnafcharecters and so many more. I’d be here all day if i tagged you all

F: Favorite song - I have no defined favorite song, but i listen to so much that it’s impossible for me to tell

G: Grossest memory - Also one of my more.... sensitive ones. It has to do with why i won’t ever take any asprin

H: Hogwarts house - Honestly, i don’t know, and my college WiFi blocks me finding out :/

I: In love - I should really hope so, considering i’m in a relationship

J: Jealous of people - Yeah. Yeah, i do somedays

K: Killed someone - No, but i know a couple of people that probably have

L: Love at first sight - Love at first sight dosen’t entirely exist. You cant love someone just based off looks

M: Middle name - Nope.

N: Number of siblings - Technically none, but technically one

O: One wish - -Language warning- To get the fuck outta here and go live with my girlfriend in a house somewhere dark and remote

P: Pick-up line? - hahahah, probably the best one i’ve ever told my girlfriend - “I’ll only love one other girl, and one day she’ll call you mom

R: Reasons to smile - Haven’t got many, but i’m one day closer to seeing her

S: Song you last sang - Imagine Dragons - Believer

T: Time you last woke up - Yesterday, 2AM

U: Underwear color - Black

V: Vacation destination - USA!

W: Worst habit - I have so many bad habits, it’s impossible to pick just one

X: X rays - 4 total

Y: Your favorite food - Literally anything with chicken

Z: Zodiac sign - Leo

I’m Tagging:

@askthefnafcharecters

@askmeowsticdraws (I wanna get to know you better)

@pleaselet-me-go

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little-writings · 7 years

Note

hello :) i've just found your blog and i've been catching up on the apocalypse au so far and its very very good, although im getting hecka angst. But anyways, could you do an au where Jumin and MC meet during a vacation and catch themselves falling for each other and just can't bring themselves to say goodbye when its over? xx

Awe thank you, that’s so sweet to hear!!! ZombieApocalypse!AU was actually probably the favorite one I’ve done and I’m incredibly excited to do another one eventually, in fact, I’ll probably set up a poll or something of the sort.

As for the request, it sounds precious and I’d love to do it! Thank you so much and have a spectacular day! (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b

I got carried away this request was so fun

———————————————————————————————————–

“What’re you heading to Athens for?” You asked, tipping your head curiously in your seat on the airplane, looking at the person beside you.

“Pardon?” He turned his head to look to you, confused at your sudden voice. “Have we met?”

“Oh-well no,” You laughed weakly, suddenly embarrassed. “I um-just thought the flight would be a bit better if it wasn’t spent in total silence.”

“I suppose we ought to not be strangers then?” He reached out a hand for you to shake, a peculiar dullness in his gaze. “I’m Jumin Han.”

You nodded returning the gesture. “MC, so if you don’t mind me asking again, what’re heading to Athens for?”

He shifted in his seat, clearing his throat, his tone lowering a bit more comfortably. “’Vacation’ I think is the name for it. Wasn’t exactly my choice but my father insisted I take a break.”

“Your father?”

“Yes, we work together.”

You withheld a bit of a bit of laughter. “I hear that’s always fun,” You raised a curious brow. “What do you work in?”

“Business, I’m heir to the C & R company.”

You somehow nearly managed to choke on air. “You-what?”

“What?”

“Well-it’s just…I don’t typically meet millionaires every day but-” You scoffed. “first time for everything I guess.”

He chuckled just a bit. “What do you do then?”

“Oh jeez- nothing impressive, just an average sort of thing.”

“You shouldn’t be ashamed or anything,” He remarked. “Without average jobs, the economy would crumble to absolutely nothing.”

“With how some people treat us you wouldn’t think so.” You huffed, sinking back in the cushions. “But you know-just how it is.”

“It’s a shame really,” He mentioned. “It’s not much but I do think your work is very meaningful.”

“That’s very sweet,” You replied. “Good to know there are a few nice people around.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far.” He said. “Very few would vouch for you in that statement.”

“Well, I’m not asking for people to vouch,” You smirked, folding your arms across your chest. “Am I?”

He smiled, sheepishly, shaking his head.

“No, I suppose not.”

And that had been the beginning.

You had spent the rest of the flight, chattering to one another, even throughout the night.

Though, that had mostly been on your part.

“Are you awake?” You’d whisper, seeing him clearly asleep, tapping his shoulder, ruffling his hair to wake him.

“W…What?”

“There’s a really scary movie I can watch-but there’s no way I’m watching it alone.”

And for some reason, he’d sigh, sit up, and watch it with you.

It felt like it would seemingly be that way forever.

Until it wasn’t.

Until the plane landed.

You both unloaded, even speaking to one another as you made your way throughout the airport, his voice perhaps a bit lighter now.

Softer.

Yet it all stopped as he saw his chauffeur.

“I…It seems this is where I have to go.” He sighed a hint of sadness in his expression, his grip on his bag tightening. “Well, um…it was nice meeting you MC. Best of luck.”

“You too. Take that well-deserved break of yours. I know I didn’t really give you any.”

“Trust me,” He almost set a hand on your shoulder, pulling back at the last moment. “That was possibly the best time I’ve had in a long time.”

And despite everything, a warmth bloomed in your chest.

Even as he left.

Yet as soon as he was out of sight, you couldn’t help but admit that you would’ve much rathered him stay.

However unlikely that would’ve been.

You instead, made your way to your hotel, a quaint, friendly environment with content and helpful people scattered about.

But not the man in the polyester suit.

Not that he was expected.

But you had hoped all the same.

“What’s one of the best places to visit?” You asked the receptionist, early morning slipping in through the windows.

She thought for a moment, tapping her finger against the desk, practically a light popping above as she came up with something.

“Well, personally, I think you should check out the Theatre of Dionysus,” She told you. “I think you might be able to get there before tourists show up.”

You nodded, stepping back, waving to her as you made your way out. “You know what, I think I’ll go check it out. Thank you!”

You rushed down the streets, going off, pink still wavering in the sky as you arrived, creamy stones lining the seats that had once housed while not many, had much importance.

You strolled about the walkway, sitting down against one of the flat stones, staring out what was once a stage.

But while you became engrossed in your thoughts, a voice suddenly brought you back.

“I wasn’t expecting to see you again.”

You twisted your head to see him.

Jumin.

And the widest smile tugged at your lips.

And oddly enough, one came to him as well.

“Did you just miss me so much?” You questioned.

“You’re hard to forget, but truthfully this was simply a happy accident.” He shrugged, letting out a faint bit of laughter. “Not that I mind.”

“Neither do I,” You tapped the seat next to you. “Here, sit with me.”

He obliged, sitting beside you.

“Where are you staying?”

“Oh, just a little place nearby, what about you?”

“King George, in Constitution Square.” He answered. “Have you heard of it?”

“The hotel that is worth more money than I”ll make in my whole life,” You snickered. “Once or twice.”

“I could book you a room as well if you’d like,” He offered. “I’d be willing to pay for anything you might like there.”

“Goodness,” You shook your head. “no I could never accept that.”

“I have no trouble to do that really.”

“But I do. Don’t go spending your money on me like that, I can take care of myself.”

“…Alright…” He murmured.

“What?” You furrowed your brow, frowning. “What is it?”

“I’ve simply never had anyone not want anything from me before.”

“Never?”

“No…never.” He appeared to notice something was wrong with it. “I don’t quite know how to feel about it.”

You set a hand on his arm, squeezing it lightly.

“First time for everything?”

He nodded, letting out a weak snigger.

“Yes…Yes, I guess you’re right,” He sighed, standing up adjusting the cuffs of his suit.

“Hey-where are you going?”

“That’s not the question you should be asking.”

“What should I be asking then?”

“Where are we going.”

“What do you mean?”

“You said there’s a first time for everything, so-come on then.” He reached out to you, his fingers gently curling around you. “I want to take you somewhere.”

“I already said not to take me to that castle-”

“No, this is different. I think you’ll like it.”

Plaka.

Plaka was a small neighborhood village with flowers lining from roof to roof, quietly aged cobblestone roads beneath your feet as you walked beside him.

“Where’d you hear of this place?” You inquired, sitting down across from him in the cafe, hidden away by the hillside.

“My assistant recommended it to me before I left, saying it was a very calm and lovely place. Reminded me of you when I started thinking about it.”

“I’m not very quiet.”

“Perhaps not but you are-” He stopped himself, a bit of red sprinkling his cheeks.

“What? What am I?”

“You are um…l-lovely I-I mean…” He looked to you for only a moment before letting out a bit of flustered laughter, looking away.

“E-Excuse me?”

“I don’t mean anything by it y-you’re simply just-” He shrugged, nearly trying to wipe the heat from his face. “unlike anyone else I’ve ever met.”

“In a good way?” You asked, leaning a tad over the table.

“In the best way possible.”

And from then on, you were inseparable.

You exchanged numbers and you found each other calling each other more than you had expected.

Which truthfully, could’ve simply been once and you would’ve been surprised.

But it was much more.

You would wake up in the middle of the night, lids groggily raising as the phone rang, raising it to your ear ready to almost burst with frustration.

But then you heard him.

And somehow, it melted away.

“Hello…MC, I hope I’m not waking you.”

“U-Um no-no not at all!” You exclaimed, holding back a yawn.

“Good.”

“So…uh…why’d you call?”

“I…I wanted to hear your voice,” He answered, softly. “That was all.”

“Oh.” You felt your heart begin to race, flustered beyond belief. “Well, um-here I am.”

“Yes…I’m glad you are.” He continued. “If you don’t mind, could you just stay on the line? Talk about whatever it is you may like, I just…I just want to listen.”

“I haven’t really got anything interesting to say.”

“I doubt that.”

“Oh, you do know?”

“I do, very much so in fact.”

“Well, what if I’m just silent then this whole time?”

“I don’t see you doing that.”

“…I don’t see me doing that either.”

Each day it appeared to be something new.

Athens or otherwise.

“Do you even know who Hephaestus is?” You looked to him, wandering the temple beside him.

“Yes, it just so happens I do.”

“Who is he then?”

“God of blacksmithing, sculptors, and artisans.” He explained. “He is unable to use his legs and was cast out by the gods when he was discovered to be imperfect. He fought his way back, however, and was wed to Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty.”

“Well aren’t you an educated man?”

“I’d certainly hope so.”

And as your hands were close, you felt the side of his against your own.

And soon they began to intertwine with yours.

But you never let go.

It seemed the two of you would never.

Until never came.

You met Jumin at the airport as he prepared to leave, a sort of sadness overwhelming you as you watched him arrive, his suitcases held in his grip.

“MC…” He sighed, attempting to grin. “I’m glad you could come.”

“I am too…I think.”

“You think?”

“I mean if you stayed that’d be great too.”

“It would be,” He confessed. “I think we might’ve missed a few places.”

“Maybe next time?”

“I can only hope.”

An announcer came on, a voice booming over throughout.

“I…I need to go. That’s my flight.”

“Right…don’t think Athens will be too fun without you though.”

He let out a deep breath raising his palm, hovering just over your cheek, debating for a second.

Before you answered for him.

You sank into his palm, offering him a smile that he wholeheartedly returned, despite the sorrow in his features.

“I…goodbye MC.”

“Bye.”

He drew away, making his way down the hall through the pools of people.

Leaving you.

So, what else could you do?

You did the same.

You turned away, heading back the way you came, pushing past what felt like hordes of people to the door.

Until you heard a voice.

A familiar one.

Jumin’s.

“MC!” He yelled out, dropping his suitcases as he found you at the exit.

You twisted around to meet him, gaze widening like dinner plates.

“J-Jumin?” You were baffled. “W-What’re you doing? You’re going to miss your flight!”

“I’m very well aware of that,” He huffed. “But I…I didn’t want to leave.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t want to leave…without you.”

Speechless.

“I-I’m in love-I’m in love with you.” He struggled to keep his cool. “I’m i-incredibly in love with you actually.”

“I-I um.”

You didn’t really know what to say.

So you just said what you felt.

“I-I love you too!”

“You do?”

You took in a sharp breath, unable to withhold your giggles.

“I-I do!”

“T-Then will you come with me?”

“S-Should I?”

He held onto your hands, running a delicate thumb over your knuckles.

“Well…I certainly think so.”

“Then…” You beamed. “how can I say no to that?”

He pulled you closer, tipping his forehead against your own, hardly inches apart.

Yet before he closed the space between you, he spoke.

With utter adoration.

And true delight.

“I suppose you can’t.”

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thirst-refinery · 7 years

Text

Dead Man {Kylo Ren x Reader}

Request~ I just thought of this and it sounds good in my head, but could u do a kylo imagine where the reader gets taken by the first order & is in the interrogation type room (like where Poe/Rey were) & reader is kinda scared bc ur preggos with kylos baby (u got pregnant when he was Ben or something) & he's like who's the father? And u say Ben Solo, but he's gone now. And I don't know where to go from there so u take it away lol. Wow sorry this is so lengthy

Part Two

A/N~ Apologies for how long this took writing has been tough for me these past couple months. Anyways I’m not really sure how good this’ll be because I have no idea how to write pregnancy and its been a good minuet since I’ve written some thing long like this. Please ignore any mistakes (I’ll fix them later. For now I need to stop looking at this) hope ya’ll like it!

If the doctor back on base could see you now you assume she’d be furious. Three balanced meals a day, light exercise, and plenty of rest. It was good advice for a woman like yourself eight months pregnant, and you followed those directions perfectly except for one. Rest. You couldn’t sit idly while the resistance moved so quickly around you.

Yellow Squadron denied every one of your requests or rather demands to let you join them on missions, but it never stopped you from asking one more time. Out of pure luck they’d finally said yes. The rebellion had received intel of unregistered spacecraft loitering in the outer rim. There was reason to believe The First Order was behind it. An organization that had been around for quite some time but only in the past few months had they really surfaced and become a threat. Yellow squadron’s job was to go out take a look around and come right back. A scouting mission is what they called it and they must have figured the mission would be easy enough for you to come along, for the ride if nothing else. It was supposed to be easy, it was supposed to be safe.

You joined a Rodian named Dulgan Sereta in an old T-4. As much as you pleaded with Dulgan to let you fly the spacecraft he refused. You’d take gunner position and by the sound of the mission you’d be useless. At least that was the plan, but plans tend to fail and in your case that’s what happened.

After dropping out of hyperspace it didn’t take much looking to find what you came for. One massive super star destroyer. It was the largest you or anyone in the squadron had ever seen and this star destroyer wasn’t pleased to have company. Before anyone could make the jump to light speed a fleet of fifty maybe sixty TIE fighters poured from the destroyer. In a matter of seconds half of Yellow Squadron became scattered junk floating in space. The other half were able to escape but unfortunately you and Dulgan weren’t as lucky. T-47s are slower then X-Wings and certainly slower then TIEs. Despite your best efforts to fight them off you were overtaken, but rather then blasting you into nothing they spared you for questioning.

That’s where you were now. Strapped to an interrogation device in a poorly lit room thinking about your doctors advice. Three meals, light exercise, and rest. None of which you assumed you’d be getting anytime soon. Rolling your foot in a circle you attempted to loosen the tension in your muscles. Everything hurt especially your feet and back. You’d been strapped there for what felt like days and as you look around at the bleak walls you can’t help but wonder what's taking so long. If they were going to kill you then do it already.

No sooner had you thought it, the door to the small room opened. You crane your neck at odd angles struggling to see but it was futile. Heavy footsteps pace from one side of the room to the other, always staying out of sight.

“Hello?” you grew tired of waiting. If their pacing was a tactic of intimidation it wasn’t working. You're done with this bullshit.

The steps behind you stop completely, the room silent once again. They soon start back up moving from behind you, to the side, to right in front. A hulking black figure stands before you. The only color in his attire is the silver bands on the mask he wears. Your heart stops filled with dread. A sickening feeling heavy as lead churns deep in your stomach. You had seen this man once, but once was enough.

The Jedi Killer was unforgettable. Last time you’d been face to face with him was only months ago when your entire world had come crashing down. All your friends were slaughtered, one of the only people you could trust went missing, but worst of all was Ben. You’r heart aches at the thought of him. It had been a while since you allowed yourself to think of him. After the Jedi Killer had destroyed everything you pleaded with the Gods that Ben had been saved but his mother confirmed the worst. Kylo Ren had Killed Ben Solo. Your vision blurred as tears brim your eyes. Willing them not to fall, you refused to cry in front of this monster.

“Do you know who I am?” his voice comes out low and distorted, fitting of his persona.

Grinding your teeth together and blinking away the water in your eyes, you couldn’t bring yourself to speak to him.

Kylo Ren tilts his head barely. His eyes examine every inch of you from behind his mask. Never had you felt so exposed. Suddenly he moves closer pounding steps echoing off the barren walls. His hand extends, hovering over your swollen belly. “You’re pregnant.”

Of course you were. It only looked like you were attempting to smuggle a large ball beneath your shirt, but that’s beside the point. “What kind of interrogation is this?” you sound stronger then expected.

Ren doesn’t answer. He didn’t even look at you directly, his mask is still seemingly trained on your stomach.

“Aren’t you supposed to ask me about the rebellion? Beat me until I answer?”

“I got the information I need from the pilot who accompanied you.”

Dulgan. Silently you hoped he was okay but knowing what Ren was capable of you doubted he was.

Finally directing his attention back up at you Kylo spoke again. “Who’s the father?”

His question surprises you. What difference would it make to him who’s child it was? You looked away at the paneled wall behind him. Kylo Ren doesn’t deserve an answer. It would be a meaningless name to him, just another on the list of people he’s killed. He probably won’t even remember him.

“Who’s the father?” he repeats.

Tears fill your eyes again. They do every time you think of these things. “Ben.” you croak out trying to keep your voice steady. “Ben Solo.”

Kylo’s fists clench, leather gloves squeaking, and he stands a little straighter. Does he remember? Regardless you were going to make sure he did.

“He’s gone now.” you begin.

“Yes, I’m aware. But I didn’t kill him like you think I did.”

You look back at the unchanging mask. “What?” so he killed Ben with the force instead of a lightsaber? It doesn’t matter how it was done Ben is gone because of him.

“You’re confused.” he’s eerily motionless making it hard to believe the voice is coming from him, a statue.

Not only are you confused but you’re angry yet fearful. A mix of bitter, consuming emotions. You’d had enough. Closing your eyes you try to shut him out not caring anymore about what Kylo Ren has to say. Meditation was something you haven’t practiced in a while but it’s worth a shot. Breathing steadily in and out you focus on clearing your mind. Deep breath in, deep breath out. A mechanical hiss startles you, breaking your concentration. You keep your eyes shut feeling exhaustion seep into your bones. A few more moments like this and you might fall asleep.

“Look at me.”

Had you heard wrong or had the voice been of your imagination? It was a voice impossible to forget. The world came slowly into focus as you open your eyes. Falling is the only way to describe how you feel. Plummeting downwards at a thousand miles a minuet, completely weightless. You’re numb as if your body and mind had turned off. Before you stood a dead man. His hair’s slightly longer then you remember but the most striking difference is his eyes. Dull, lifeless, sad. Otherwise he’s unchanged. Kylo, or Ben you didn’t know what to call him, looks directly at you waiting for your reaction. There is no response for this.

“Ben?” you cry, the tears can’t be withheld now. Hot rivers pour down your face.

“No” his jaw is clenched. “Like they say, Ben is dead.”

Struggling to find words you gape at him.

Kylo brings his hand back up this time resting it on your bump. “He’s already so strong.” Softly he caresses your skin through your top. For a brief second you see the Ben you love so dearly.

Within you comes a thump against the area of flesh beneath Kylo’s hand. The baby had kicked. Kylo felt it too. He yanks his hand away wide eyed. His sudden movements cause you to jump. Kylo looks between you and your stomach then shifts his glance around the room. Lifting the mask back over his head he conceals the face of Ben becoming Kylo Ren once again.

“B- Kylo.” you don’t want him to leave now. You need answers. You need him.

“I have to go.” he speaks quickly. The feeling of your kicking child had certainly shaken him.

The sound of the blast door comes from behind you followed by footsteps. Kylo moves around you out of sight. “Take her to the nearest civilized planet. Somewhere she can be found by the rebellion.”

“You don’t want her taken care of like the Rodian, sir?” it was a stormtrooper.

“She’s with child.” says Kylo’s robotic filtered voice. “I’m feeling merciful.”

#kylo ren x reader #ben solo x reader #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren imagines #kylo ren one shot #pregnant!reader #star wars imagines #star wars imagine #star wars one shot #kylo ren #ben solo

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