#...hurts you know? like I can't describe it any better than the raw words like 'pain' or 'aching' can do

[cf56]

Ripping them a new one

What. The. HELL?! I can't even begin to describe the depth of my anger and sorrow right now.

The following profanity-laced rant represents only a fraction of my true feelings on this.

If you don't know what I'm referring to, I'm talking about the line to start episode 8, where Yakko and Dot say, in front of him, that Wakko is the worst sibling and they don't need him. Well, I thought it'd only be a line, but it turns out they did it MULTIPLE TIMES!!!

And then the stupid fucking cop out that feels like it's mocking us for giving a shit.

I was spoiled on this line over a month ago because someone talked about the storyboard leaks in the Animaniacs tag. Reading about it almost killed my fandom. Right there, instantly, my love for Animaniacs came this close to dying. It took me weeks before I felt anywhere close to where I was before in regards to loving this show. Why? Because the main and only reason I remain so attached to Animaniacs is the Warner Siblings' love for each other. What's the point in angst if there was never any love to test? What's the point in fluff if that love is hollow and empty, if it never really existed at all? Now, I'm glad I was spoiled and had time to recover. If I saw this bullshit raw, in the show for the first time, there's no telling what it would have done to me. I might have just stopped watching.

I don't care about Yakko's flimsy cop out. This is not what you say to someone you love. This is not something you say about someone you love, even if they didn't happen to be sitting right there. You realize what these words mean? They think they'd be better off without Wakko. THEIR BELOVED BROTHER. It's not so much that they joked about him dying and coming back. I can excuse that as sibling jabs, even if I would still hate it. It's that Yakko said he's always thought that their act would work better as just him and Dot. No, you didn't always think that. You BETTER not have always thought that.

Wakko has suffered emotional abuse before. He's been paraded around as the least popular sibling, as smelly and uncultured, as a gluttonous pig. Through all of that, what did he always have? His siblings, boosting him up, protecting him from the noise. Now the noise is coming from inside his family. That's unacceptable. There was one instance in the original that came close to this. When Yakko tried to sell Wakko in their Jack and the Beanstalk parody, because he gets less fan mail than Dot. That was still miles better than this. For one, it wasn't in their base reality. It was in a parody that would clearly be non-canonical. Second, Yakko didn't go out of his way to verbally abuse his little brother and try to make him feel less valued as a member of the group. It was just a hard necessity, as callous as it might have been.

Yakko would never say something like this. The thought would never even come close to crossing his mind. Dot would never agree to a statement like that. If she heard Yakko say it, she'd wonder what alien came in and replaced her older brother. Least of all would they say it right in front of Wakko, as if they're deliberately trying to hurt him.

It baffles me. It truly baffles me. Was this the writer's first day on the job? How do you go three fucking seasons and not know the first thing about the characters you're writing? The way Yakko and Dot are portrayed here is ten times more out of character than they've ever been written in any fanfic ever posted. Worse, this had to go through producers, storyboarders, animators, the showrunner, and they all looked at this and thought it was okay. I can't truly blame the voice actors, because they're under contract and have to do their jobs, but they should have known their characters well enough to know they would never say these lines. That they shouldn't say these lines.

I truly can't wrap my head around it. Where does this come from? What could possess anyone to think this is a good idea, even an acceptable idea, for even a single millisecond? Does it come from the Family Guy writing culture, where absolutely nothing is sincere, even relationships between friends and family? Do they just not know how to write sarcastic characters that also truly love their closest family members?

They had the audacity to claim they were listening to fan feedback for this season. Tell me, look at all the most popular fan compilations on YouTube about the reboot. Are they filled with moments of the siblings being cold and callous to each other, or are they filled with the opposite? How blind do you have to be to misunderstand the soul of your show and your fanbase so fucking badly? It almost feels malicious. Like someone on the writing staff had a bad experience with their own siblings and made it their personal mission to destroy and pervert the bond between the closest set of siblings on TV. I thought they were starting to get it right with season 2. Season 3, they had to look at what all the fans were saying and realize that they could go even further, right? Give us all the sibling fluff we could ever need? Instead they went the opposite direction. It's becoming clear to me that "listening to fan feedback" really meant listening to "Pinky and the Brain fan feedback." I don't mean to drive a wedge between certain parts of the fandom, but that's just how it seems to be. It's absolutely not the fault of any of the fans who talked about the show.

People will tell me to just forget about it, to consider it non-canon or as something the Warners had to do as part of the script. I literally cannot. Have you ever wondered why all my headcanons are so close to canon? I have freaking OCD. I need everything to be in order, I need there to be a way to make sense of everything together. I can't just ignore certain parts of the show and pretend like they never happened.

I can't even make angst out of this. I can't explain it away in a fanfic or with theorizing. This is the only thing in Animaniacs I can say that about. That's how unforgivably bad it is. It just goes so completely against everything about the characters of the Warners and the spirit of the show that it might as well be foreign to it.

This will affect me for a long time. Some might look at this rant and think I care too much. Yes, I care too fucking much. Look at my blog, for God's sake. Being aware of that doesn't change how I feel. Normally, I try to be courteous. I try to give the reboot the benefit of the doubt, because I truly do value many of the things it's added to Animaniacs. In this case, I don't care. Fuck whoever wrote these lines. Fuck every single person who saw them along the way and gave them their approval. Congratulations on a job well done. This hurts my heart and it will continue to do so for years to come, if not my entire life. I am devastated.

#animaniacs #animaniacs season 3 #animaniacs 2020 #animaniacs reboot #animaniacs spoilers #animaniacs episode 8 #the warner siblings #yakko wakko and dot #cfposts

[all-fandoms-rise]

It's Just Different

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Summary: Sometimes nothing hurts more than falling out of love.

Word Count: 1813

A/N: It's just angst I'm sorry :( The words in italics are past situations or conversations. Also it's not talked about in the story the readers quirk is similar to Shinsou where if they get another person to answer to them they control what they do but also get them to admit the truth. Lemme know how you feel about the writing <3

As a Pro hero you know better than anyone that there's bad days, but today has by far been the worst one… coming to terms that the love of your life had fallen out of love with you and you had fallen out of love with him.

Six years ago you fell in love with Katsuki Bakugou and his spitfire personality when you were students at UA, he didn’t treat you differently than everyone else you simply knew how to accept him for who he was and he admired that even though you could easily take down all of UA with your powers that you never would, you were the definition of a hero and that's how he grew to love you, this was the person you not only grew with as a partner in life but in work. He grew in the rankings until soon enough he was in fact the #1 hero while you were #3 hero, shortly after he had gotten his number one hero ranking the two of you got married for sure that the two of you would spend the rest of your lives together, just two young dumb kids ready to take on the world together.. but that's not realistic is it.

Three years have passed and now instead of shared laughter and passionate kisses, its chest tightening frustrations and yelling at one another till your throats are raw. Now you lay here by yourself waiting for your husband again knowing he wouldn’t be home until it was nearly time for him to leave again. You can't stop this feeling of pain in your chest when you know it’s finally time to let go, at the end of the day you know that you love him more than any words can describe but just because you love someone it isn’t and will never be a good enough reason to stay in an unfixable relationship. As you lay here you think about everything that has led up to this moment because no one knew what went behind closed doors between you and bakugou as you were both very private people except for one person, the one person that was the start of all your problems. Izuku fucking Midoriya. 

Izuku Midoriya was in class with 1a with you and bakugou and to everyone else they would swear that bakugou hated Midoriya more than any other living thing on the planet but you could see through his facade he did care about him, even though you’d have to near kill him before he ever admitted it. Of course you knew bakugou cared about you but sometimes you couldn't stop the pang of jealousy you felt when he would ditch you to train with midoriya so that he could “beat that damn deku and prove he’ll become the #1 hero”, but anytime these feelings occurred you’d be reassured by the sweet moments that you could never forget. 

“Come on seriously y/n why do you look like that” bakugou asked as you two continue to sit there after everyone else had piled out of the classroom.

“I don’t know bakugou I just do” as the words left your mouth he really knew you were upset about something because he couldn’t even remember the last time you had called him by his last name.

“y/n i’m not an idiot just tell me what’s wrong so i can go train some more against shitty deku” he says and he can hear the sigh of frustration leave you. 

“That’s exactly it.. You keep ditching me to go train against midoriya. Do you know how that makes me feel huh? It makes me feel like shit I understand wanting to be a better hero. We all want that, I just want you to care about me the same way” you manage to whisper out before finally deciding to walk away. As you get to the door bakugou grabs your arm stopping you before you can leave, 

“You think I don't care about you dummy? That’s why I'm training so hard I wanna be the best for you so we can kick all the villains ass together. I love you y/n”. That was the first time Katsuki Bakugou had told you he loved you and you had never been happier even in that cheesy moment. 

You smiled thinking about those days, even though there were a lot of hard times especially with villain attacks and still trying to figure out how to use your power to its full potential, you managed to still find moments of light and happiness within Katsuki Bakugou. Even after you had graduated UA and gotten married things had been adventurous and fun with bakugou that was until about after a year and a half of being married the both of your work loads had increased and since the two of you had worked at different companies that meant you had been seeing less of each other.

That’s when it all started: the phone calls at night saying they’d be late coming home because they had to work on paperwork with midoriya or late night watches around the town. You couldn’t lie to yourself after months of the same phone call that eventually just became a short text. You felt like that small, fragile girl that you were in high school and you definitely weren’t her anymore, then you remember the day that had started all of your future fights. You had just gotten off patrol with your partner charge bolt or otherwise known as denki kaminari, you were about to be back to your headquarters when you had seen them. Bakugou and Midoriya were getting ready to start their patrol but that wasn’t the problem, the problem was the way bakugou was looking at midoriya and vice versa the look he used to give you. The look in his eyes that you had been craving and begging for months but now it was given to someone else and you couldn’t stop the hurt you felt, but you knew he loved you so maybe you were wrong it was nothing.

Yet you still let those feelings grow and the hurt turned into anger so several nights later when bakugou had come home from his shift he had noticed your silence which was strange from you. The silence was deafening before you had finally decided to speak: 

“Do you love me?” You remember as the words had left your mouth, Katsuki had looked at you as if you had three heads. 

“What the hell are you going on about of course I do” even as he said those words there was something you had to ask. 

“Even more than Midoriya” You could see as his face turned red with anger and right then would be the start of all your future arguments. 

“Why in the actual fuck would you ever think I like much less love that shitty deku, seriously y/n your delusional” he yells getting closer and closer to you until your eventually cornered against the wall. And as the words leave your mouth, you can’t help as your voice breaks:

“Because I see the way you look at him, it’s the same way I've been praying you’d look at me like again for months now” Tears were now streaming down the both of your faces as apologies were said.This began the cycle of kiss and make up, avoid the topic like it was the plague, pretend like we weren’t both hurting , that is until the hurt turns into anger and then we repeat.

You can’t stop the tears that roll down your face as you think of everything that has happened, it's now well past 2am when you hear the front door open. For a split second you can't stop the rapid beating of your heart, you knew this moment was coming but you weren’t ready for it.. Not yet, you weren’t ready to face reality, ready to face the worst moment that's probably ever gonna happen to you, ready to face losing the man you had planned your whole life with.

But this time you were done fighting, you don’t want to grow to hate him and if you continue doing this you know that soon enough you will. Bakugou comes into the room expecting to see you asleep like normal except this time you were sitting in your shared bed, tears staining your face. He comes and sits next to you wiping the tears off your cheeks, 

“What's wrong babe” he whispers as he sees the pain lurking behind your eyes. 

“I think you know Katuski..we can’t keep doing this, it’s just gonna hurt us more” as your words settle he knows that you’re serious. This is the first time you’d called him Katuski in who knows how long and oh how he had missed that one simple name leaving your lips but it's too late now even if he was ignoring some of his other feelings he still loved you it was just different he didn’t know how to explain it but either way he was just gonna deny your words. 

“No y/n I love you, I need you” his voice cracks. 

“Not more than you love him tho Katsuki, and if you love someone else then fine even if its killing me on the inside to say outloud but I would rather do this than stay here and keep breaking inside more… I can’t do it. I know you love me but it’s not in the way you used to and you just don’t know how to accept that….so please just say you love him so we can both move on please….” Once again the silence is louder than any screams you had targeted towards one another. 

“Please don't make me y/n, it’s not true” he sobs, even though he knows no matter how many times he tries to deny he knows your words are the truth. 

“I'll use my quirk if I need to and get you to admit it Katsuki, I need this I want to move on please” he knows that if you use your quirk all of the truth will come out and he can't accept it he's not ready to talk about everything so he just mutters the words that you both have known as reality for over a year now 

“I’m in love with midoriya”.

In that moment time had officially stopped and reality had crashed down on the both of you. You were no longer the two 17 year olds running around UA hopelessly in love with their life planned ahead of them. Now you were the two that had fallen out of love and had to move forward with their lives, no matter how much hurt it was causing because you both needed to heal just not with each other. 

#angst #anime #popular anime #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bakugo katuski #bakugo x reader #bakugou angst #katsukibakugou #midoriya izuku #bakugou x deku #mha bakugou #bakugo x you #so much hurt #i'm sad #pro hero dynamight #bakugo smut #oneshot

[bellamyblakru]

“I have you, it’s okay.” + Merthur 💛 also omg I'm so glad you want to get into writing I can't wait to read it!

thank you so much🥺, you guys have been too kind😭😭 im so excited!! i really love writing, but i learned from that first one that it’s exhausting 😂 gah i love merthur, lets do this (also, the knights are all alive bc i love them//shade lancelot did happen but merlin brought him back for good good) ALSO, this drabble really ran for more than i was actually going for lmfao im sorry its so long

Merlin didn’t know how he wanted Arthur to find out about his magic. Most of Merlin’s recurring nightmares consist of the possibility that Arthur will react the wrong way. After all these years, Merlin dying on the pyre wouldn’t be the worst situation. What Merlin truly dreaded the most was the inevitable betrayal that he would see in Arthur’s eyes, the look he gets when someone he loves hurts him in the most personal way. The look where Arthur thinks he is the problem, not those betraying him. Agravaine, Morgana, Gwen, and even shade-Lancelot made Arthur vulnerable enough for him to love them just to be stabbed in the back one way or another because of it. Arthur blames himself when his people turn their backs on him, and Merlin refuses to get that look from Arthur.

 Killing Merlin, as horrible as it sounds, would probably be kinder. Merlin cares more for Arthur than words could describe. It wasn’t because of prophecy, or because Arthur was a good person and an even better King, it was because Merlin loves Arthur. It is as simple as that. Merlin loves the way Arthur smirks when bantering, the way he smiles when he is helping someone in need, the way he fights for his people, the way he never gives up hope no matter what happens or who they face, the way his eyes light up when sparring with his knights. Imagining Arthur shutting him out, away from his light, was a staggering enough thought that kept Merlin quiet.

At first, it was because of Uther. Merlin wouldn’t make Arthur pick between them, even if Merlin always thought that Arthur would always pick Uther. Then it was Morgana, then it was every little excuse that allowed Merlin to push back the truth further behind his happy facade. Arthur expressed his hatred of magic enough to let Merlin understand that he wouldn’t be accepted...even if Merlin was magic itself. 

There has never been a person more devoted to another human than Merlin to Arthur. Without one, there was no other. The castle knew this, as did the knights. Gwaine and Lancelot would tease him relentlessly about his love for Arthur, but even they did not know the half of his dedication to the Once and Future King. 

Merlin is the most powerful warlock to ever walk to earth, and he was terrified to tell his best friend his two deepest secrets. The warlock part, of course, and the part where Merlin’s entire existence was to serve, protect, and love Arthur to his dying breath. Merlin believes that Arthur might have an inkling that Merlin is truly in love with him, but Arthur never let too much show between them if he does know. Servant and King. The one born because of magic and the one born made of magic. Two sides, one coin (if the large reptile had a say in this). They were like the sun and the moon, destined to rotate but not touch. Arthur was Merlin’s sun, his light, his hopes, his destiny. 

Today was hunting day for Arthur, which meant Merlin pretended to grumble the whole morning about spending time with the knights and the king simply so he could see Arthur’s eyes light up with that playful glow. The Knights of the Roundtable were with them today, to Merlin’s delight. Gwaine and Lancelot were finally getting closer to each other through Merlin, and he couldn’t be more enthusiastic about it. They were the closest to brothers he ever had, and he was so grateful to have them in his life. Lancelot was welcomed back after the whole scandal since Morgana was outed, but Gwen decided to permanently end things with Arthur. Merlin was upset they weren’t together anymore, but Arthur did not seem too distraught about the news. Arthur probably sees the way Lancelot looks at Gwen and figured he couldn’t compete with that love, which made Merlin’s heart clench painfully.

Merlin was riding beside Arthur when the unimaginable happened. The forest was quiet in the way that made Merlin’s magic crawl, but no one seemed concerned with his fears. Merlin knew better. Right before the army ambushed, Merlin simply looked at Arthur. Arthur looked like he was bathing in sunlight, with a golden halo and his sparking sword hanging by his side, laughing at something Gwaine was talking about. Merlin’s life was Arthur’s well-being, and if it meant Arthur hated him for the rest of his life, then so be it.

The minute they entered the clearing, the laughter died. The knights reacted immediately with their King leading the way, swinging off their horses and preparing for battle. The army wasn’t too big, but it was Morgana’s—meaning magic users of different degrees everywhere. Her army did not look impressive, but the true power was in the hidden fact that each one of her soldiers wielded some magic. Merlin could feel it in the air. He could almost taste the potential power these people had, and he knew today was the day he has been dreading since he realized his love for Arthur.

Today was the day of Merlin’s betrayal—but it was the only choice. Arthur’s safety goes beyond what Merlin wanted..it always would, no matter how this ended.

Merlin didn’t waste any more time. He spelled the knights and his king to the ground with one look, saw the shocked expressions on different faces (he didn’t dare look at Arthur yet), but he did not let himself ponder them for too long. He thought up a shield then, putting those he loved in a bright, golden bubble of protection. Knowing they were safe allowed Merlin to relax for a second before turning his attention to the problem coming at him. He counted thirty sorcerers, with Morgana leading the charge. He took a second to truly look at Morgana. Her hair was matted, her clothing ripped, her eyes were darkened by the nightmares she is no doubt plagued with. He felt such pity and sorrow at that moment, a feeling so intense that time itself stopped around him. 

He walked up to Morgana, whose eyes were frozen gold with fury. He saw Aithusa in the back, and allowed time to continue for her alone. He spoke quietly to her, telling her how he is sorry for letting her stray so far and how he wasn’t there for her when she needed him the most. Aithusa, although weary, came closer to Merlin and let him pet her nose. Through the connection, she could see why Merlin wasn’t there for her, or more precisely, who Merlin had to protect above everyone and everything else. Aithusa, by command of Merlin, left then to Kilgharrah who would see to her recovery. Feeling better that his kin would be seen to after this, he focused his attention back to Morgana.

He then unfroze her. She, unexpectedly freed, fell to the ground. She was petrified, Merlin could tell. Her destiny, her doom. He was who she feared at night, who kept her awake after the nightmares, the one who poisoned her for the love of Camelot. Morgana was many things, but a coward is not one of them. She stood her ground, as regally as one can manage after falling, and looked Merlin in the eyes. What she wasn’t expecting was the pain she saw, for her. She started, not understanding his emotion. Quickly, too quickly for anyone to comprehend, Merlin grabbed both sides of her face and chanted with such sadness and despair. He pleaded to the earth’s magic to take her powers, and to use them for good, to help those in need. The earth responded kindly to his request, and it did what was asked of it. Morgana quickly fell asleep in Merlin’s arms, while Merlin was slowly crying over his lost, hurting friend. 

Time unfroze. The army halted, seeing Morgana’s magic flowing into the earth, and decided that a retreat would be more beneficial than attacking Emrys. Merlin could feel the magic leave Morgana, leaving behind a broken girl who’s heart has been hurt too many times to be fair. She deserves another chance, Merlin pleaded once more, and with that thought, the earth healed her enough to be able to live without her powers. She will live, the ground whispered to Merlin, and he tried to choke back a sob. Arthur could have another chance with his sister, and Gwen could finally have her best friend back—if Morgana wished, of course. Gwaine came behind Merlin and slowly peeled her away from him. Merlin staggered up, never using that much raw power before in his life, and started swaying. 

“I have you, it’s okay,” Merlin thought he heard Arthur quaver to him. Strong arms picked him up, and although Merlin was slowly fading, he swore he saw an angel lift him up, crying about how much Merlin meant to him. He passed out before he could make sense of it.

What isn’t said here is the simple fact that Arthur loves Merlin. Arthur loves the way Merlin smiles when he knows he is being sassy, the way his nose crinkles when he disagrees with something Arthur has said, the way Merlin’s eyes look when he says something abnormally wise to Arthur. Arthur is who he is because Merlin believes in him and magic isn’t going to throw it away. Arthur may not understand what just happened, but it wasn’t destructive, or cruel, or evil. It was pure, beautiful magic that only aimed to save the people around it—and wasn’t that who Merlin was at the end of the day? The magic felt like home, like love, so like Merlin that Arthur’s breath caught in his throat. 

He didn’t feel betrayed, surprisingly. He was hurt that Merlin couldn’t trust something so vital, so beautiful about himself because Arthur’s father was a tyrant and drilled something so wrong into Arthur’s mind. But never again will Arthur be swayed by his father’s ghost. Merlin saved him, probably more times than he could count as he continues looking back on their adventures. 

Arthur loves Merlin as much as Merlin loves Arthur, so he knows that no matter what happens after today, that fact will never change. 

#merthur drabble #this was really fun to write #bamf merlin is MY KING #thank you for sending a prompt!!! #you are a queen my friend #sentence starter #i hope this is okay #its late here and i did it in one sitting #merthur #ashley writes

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm. DETAILED SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER

Levi POV

She just got naked infront of me. "What the hell (Y/N)?!" I exclaimed trying to look away from her but my eyes failed me. She was small and had curves exactly at the right places. She had a firm breast and ass. The view she gave me made me more turned on that any other woman ever got me. I still had to control myself as I didn't want to hurt her.

"What? Don't you want this? Don't you like the way I look? I need to know that you won't go running back to another hoe. I need to know if you're satisfied with me" she whispered in a strained voice. "Trust me, it's taking all my effort to not take you right now but I can't do this. You're not ready. You're trembling. I don't want to hurt you (Y/N)." I tried to reason with her. In response, she came close to me and kissed me. I froze in her embrace unable to think of what to do about it. She removed her lips from mine and whispered demandingly, "Aren't you the one who said Eren that he had to make the choice that he believed that he won't regret? I just took your advice and made a choice. Do it".

I looked at her with wide eyes and asked, "Are you really sure?". My body was losing control as I stared at her smooth skin, her (B/S) shaped body, her (E/C) eyes and soft lips. "Yes but I need to use the washroom. Could you wait for a minute? " she answered with a hint of blush on her face. "Okay. Wash yourself down there" I murmured as she went off to the washroom as I sat on the bed to process everything. Before I could change my mind about everything, she returned and stood in front of me with a bashful expression.

Her expression told me that she had no idea about what to do. I stood up and trailed a finger to her vagina. It was dry. I knew she was scared and I knew that I had to ease her up a bit so that she won't regret it the next morning. She hugged me as I rubbed her clitoris and I could hear her ragged breathing. "Lie down on the bed" I told her as she listened to my instructions.

(Y/N) POV

I expected pain from the begining but Levi heichou's touches weren't painful. They made me feel somewhat weird and weak at my knees. When he asked me to lie down, I knew that it’s time for the painful part. I did as he asked me to but after that, he did some very unexpected things. Firstly, he pinned me down and kissed me. As he kissed me, he used one hand to continue the rubbing on my clitoris and used another hand to start massaging my one of my breasts sometimes pinching and rubbing the nipple.

My mouth made embarrassing sounds inside his involuntarily. After continuing that for a while, his mouth moved to my neck and kissed there. I never had my neck kissed before and I realised that I found it very pleasant. I could feel a wetness form on my vagina. I usually had this problem while reading erotica novels. They sugar-coated sex a lot. I knew how painful it was.

I heard heichou whisper in my ears, "I'll leave some hickeys on your neck. You don't mind do you?". "No I don't" I gasped as his finger actions on my clitoris and breast was messing with my breathing patterns. I felt him suck on my neck bruising it. It painfully delicious and I surprisingly enjoyed everything so far. I was questioning my experience already when heichou went down further and started sucking one of my breasts while massaging the other. I felt sensations that I never knew, I blushed furiously because I assumed these were shameful acts preserved only for erotica novels. Having heichou do these to me further contributed to that annoying wetness along with a dull pain inside my vagina. It was pleasant nonetheless.

This went on for a while and just when I thought things couldn't get better, heichou went right down to my vagina and gave me a big lick there. The light moans that were escaping my mouth for so long turned into louder ones as heichou continued licking. I felt my heartbeat increase and my body twitch when heichou suddenly stopped. "You're wet enough. I'll start with fingers" he murmured looking at my exasperated face. I was liking what he was doing before. I knew inserting finger hurts. However, when heichou did it, it didn’t hurt. I realised that the wetness helped him slip in.

I felt an awkward sensation. I felt... Full? He inserted another finger and I gasped as the sensation increased and my the sense of being full increased. Then to make my body go crazy, he started moving the two fingers sending of volts of pleasure all over my body. I felt my insides clenching again after a while when he stopped again. I saw him unbuckle his pants and pull his rock hard member out. It was big and I was sure it would hurt more than anything I ever experienced. "It might hurt at first cause you didn't have sex for a long time. Just tell me to move when it stops hurting" he instructed and I nodded because I was too nervous to form words.

He moved his hands from my body and used them as support as he continued to pin me down and position himself. He then used one hand to guide his member inside me. I felt a sharp pain as he inserted it slowly. I grabbed his hand to ease myself as he leaned down and kissed my neck to distract me from the pain. I felt him hit the end of my vagina, which gave me a weird sensation along with the pain. He didn't move as he continued to kiss my neck. The pain surprisingly stopped in a matter of moments. I remembered his instructions and whispered him to move. As he started moving, I felt a slight discomfort which was replaced by immense pleasure in seconds. The erotica novels were right.

The sensations that were flowing from my vagina to every other part of my body was hindering my ability to think and I felt myself loosing my mind. I had no words to describe this. He moved slowly and steadily, in and out as louder moans escaped my mouth. I wasn't controlling any of my actions now. It was him making my body do all sorts of embarrassing things.

Back in the underground, I remembered being forced to call out to those men as they enjoyed it for some reason but right now, I felt the need to call the captain out. "M-master please..." I gave out a strained moan. However, the captain abruptly stopped to that and looked at me with wide shocked eyes. "What did you call me?" he asked. All my senses returned to me as he stopped and I felt beyond embarrassed which made a few drops of tears leave my eyes. "I-I'm sorry. That's what I was taught when I was young. I don't know what I'm doing" I stammered. I saw heichou's eyes soften as he said, "I'm not your master. You don't have a master, (Y/N). Don't call me that." he said as he kissed my tears away and continued his pace.

"L-levi Heichou?" I tried to continue as I was loosing my mind again. I saw him smirk as he said, "As much as that turns me on, I want you to call me Levi. Just Levi. Whenever we are alone, I'm just Levi to you except for special circumstances". I didn't waste any time now as I moaned, " Levi, faster. Please.". He listened to me and picked up his pace as I grabbed onto his hand moaning his name out to keep a grasp onto my sanity.

Levi POV

Watching her orgasm was quiet amusing. She had no idea what was happening and she was trying to hold it back because she thought she will pass out. I had to instruct her to let go and it took a while for her to trust me. I came a while after she did. This time, I came faster than usual because her expressions were so raw that it turned me on more than anyone ever did, her vagina was tight and her small body was really easy and comfortable to handle.

We laid down for a while till I decided that we were filthy as we both sweated a lot and she had semen all over her. She was tired and passed out moments after we were done, so I had to pick her up and bath her and myself at the same time. I changed the bed sheets too and when I felt like things were clean enough, I placed her on the bed and got in beside her myself. She snuggled next to me and for once in my entire life, I felt happy.

The next morning:

I woke up to find (Y/N) sitting on the bed staring at the bathroom door and thinking hard about something. She covered her bare body with the bedsheet. Suddenly, I felt a stab of fear in my mind. Was she regretting last night? "(Y/N)? You okay?" I asked as I moved to sit beside her. "Yeah I'm fine. I was just thinking" she replied. I didn't beat around the bush and asked her, "Do you regret last night?". She looked at me and smiled and answered, "Of course I don't regret it. I was just confused. Last night was so much different from every other time I had sex. I felt like I am a protagonist in an erotica novel last night.".

"You were raped (Y/N). Last night was actual sex. Before that, your body wasn't developed enough for this. The people who did that to you deserves to be castrated." I answered with a sigh. She actually thought it was going to be something like her previous experience? I felt a pang of guilt for not letting her know that it wouldn't be like that. She probably was scared the whole time until the actual penetration began. I, however, admired her bravery. It was one of her many qualities that made me notice her.

"Did you enjoy it?" she asked me without looking at my face. "Yes. It was a lot better than any of my previous sexual encounters. I suppose I'm more into small women than tall now." I answered her. She still wasn't looking at me. I was looking at her, waiting for a response when I heard a soft sniffle coming from her face. I immediately turned her face towards me to find her crying softly.

"What's the matter? Are you okay? Did I hurt you last night? " I asked her panicking. "No you didn't." she consoled me. "It's just, I wish I never experienced anything before you. I want to forget everything that happened before." she said as her crying intensified. Just as she completed that sentence, she was crying like a baby. I didn't know how to comfort her so I instinctively hugged her. I remembered my mother doing this when I was sad. That was a long time ago and I never used this on anyone so I hoped this would work on her. I heard her muffled cries as I felt her tears wet my chest but I didn't let go of her. She cried for a long time before calming down slowly. I still didn't let go of her even when she was calm. She didn't try to get away from me either.

We laid down on the bed holding each other till someone knocked the door. I had to let go of (Y/N) as she ran into the closet to wear some clothes. I walked into the closet to pick a pant of mine with her and when I was done, I opened the door. The hotel manager was standing outside.

"Captain Levi, I had to speak with you" he said formally. I moved from the door as he came in and sat on the sofa of the living room. "It has come to my attention that Ms (L/N), who is staying with you has hit one of our sex workers. I'm aware that you know about it too as you were in the scene and we both know that it was Emilia. Now, I don't want to know if there is anything between you and Ms (L/N) but starting a bar fight isn't an appropriate thing to do..." he said before I stopped him and said, "Before you continue, you should hear our side of the story. Emilia tried to force herself on me even if I tried to politely push her away. I had to be rough with her only because she wasn't getting the message. Ms (L/N) tried to reason with her and said her that I’m not interested but she insulted Ms (L/N) and body shamed her. You should take these into account, Mr Davis".

"I see. Well, you do have a point but letting you stay in this hotel for now would only raise rumours about you and Ms (L/N). I'm sorry but I don't want my hotel to have a bad reputation for bar fights." the manager concluded formally. Before I could reply, I heard another knock at the door. I excused myself and opened the door to see a panting military police cadet. "Levi heichou, Commander Erwin has regained consciousness!" he informed.

"He's awake?" I heard a surprised and relieved voice behind me. (Y/N) stood there with a smile on her face. "Yes. Go pack. We won't have to stay here anymore now anyway" I commanded her as she slipped back into the room and started packing. "Well, I'll give you time to pack and I'll arrange horses. Good day" the manager said to me and walked out of the room. I went to help (Y/N) pack our bags.

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi smut #levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi attack on titan #levi x reader #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #levi ackerman

[bittermarrow]

Break the Chain // (Thomas Hewitt x Reader)

A/n: Why do I write angst? It is so painfullll, yet so good and I’m indecisive and like torturing myself. Also, this takes place after Thomas gets his arm chopped off and chases after Erin.

Warnings: Graphic Gore/Blood, Angst, lots of feelings.

Words: 2200+

.   .   .

Your entire body burns with a distinct kind of pain, your throat raw and pumping large gulps of air through your lungs despite the discomfort that doing so inflicts. You can feel warm gushes of blood dripping down your chest from the fresh gash streaking across your sternum. Your nose feels clogged yet somehow still oozing a thin stream of crimson, your cracked and peeling split bottom lip is covered in the blood leaking from your nose.

Your chest aches and stings with boiling hot shots of irregular pain, the more you move the stronger your agony becomes. But still, you keep moving, the heavy downpour of a rare nightly rain leaves your clothes and hair soaked. You are jogging down the muddy road, your flimsy sandals slipping and squealing as the wet bottoms of your heel slide over the sole. You can feel the start blades of damp grass sticking to your feet and the dirty splashes of murky puddles against your ankles.

Your chunky dog collar chafes against your neck and the heavy, snapped chain jingles and sways with your movements. You can barely see much with how dark it is, but the length of the road acts as your guide. You’re wheezing so hard it sounds like you'll collapse any minute, but you know better. You weren't going to rest until you found him.

You were feeling a lot of things that confused you right now. You were angry, no, fuming that Thomas had run off after that girl, Erin, risking his health to catch her, to protect his family. You felt an unsettling amount of relief being able to finally run again, without being chained down like a dog. You felt guilty that you had run, without even telling the others that you were going after Thomas, leaving them to probably think you’d tried to escape. But most of all, you were terrified beyond belief.

All that blood, the sight of the dismembered arm of your most trusted person and all the vermillion smears over the lockers sending you into a panic. You were scared for Thomas’s sake, you knew he wouldn't stop his chase until he’s either caught the woman who hurt his family or killed himself trying. His family’s safety meant way too much to him for him to give up, but you couldn't just let him die out there. There was a chance that he was already… no, no he’s alive! He has to be alive, he’s stronger than that, you have to remind yourself, but it does little to comfort you.

You almost stop breathing and trip over your own feet when you hear the faint sound of a purring motor, you run even faster when you recognize it to be a chainsaw. You look further down the road but it's hard to see anything. You can feel your knees about ready to give out, but you ignore the burning pain. You almost sob in relief when you spot Thomas a few meters down. You slid to a stop and drop to your hands and knees to crawl over to his shaking form.

You finally reach him and use what's left of your strength to turn him over, so he isn't lying face down. You can't tell if Thomas is unconscious or just out of it, and when you can't force out his name through your chattering teeth you drop yourself against him. You press your cheek to his chest and listen for a heartbeat, your other hand scrambles of one of his— his only hand. And your fingers fumble over his wrist to search for a pulse.

He’s still breathing, but his pulse feels very irregular. Like he’s fighting for his life, literally. Either that or he’s fading in and out of consciousness, you can only hope it’s the latter. You startle just a bit when you feel his soaking wet arm drop around your back. It almost feels like it’s gone dead weight. You lift your head up from his chest and look up to his face, looking for any signs of consciousness or awareness.

You can just slightly make out the fluttering of his eyelids through the shadows of his mask and the darkness of night and rain. He suddenly looks you dead in the eyes, but only for a moment before he’s squeezing them shut. You can practically sense your own perturbation rising over the edge of the teacup holding in all of your emotions, ready to spill.

You can feel Thomas’s arm squeezing around you, and his fingers are twisting in the back of your heavy shirt. You don’t realize that his intent was to somehow shield you from the rain, and if he had gathered up enough strength to do it, you wouldn’t have been able to keep from sobbing. Thomas would do anything to keep you safe, even from rain that could potentially make you sick, even as he’s bleeding out on the road. In a way it’s almost a good thing he started to flicker in and out of alertness again.

You take in a deep breath and look over to what's left of his right arm, it’s but chopped off straight through the bone. You scramble around for something to wrap around his wound before he bleeds out, he’s already lost so much. You yank the damp sweatshirt off of your waist and pushed his good arm off of you.

You moved to his other side and hovered a trembling hand over the marred display of gore that was left of Thomas’s arm, some of the skin only hanging by mere strings on the exposed, clipped bone. Your fingertips hesitated when you lowered your hand to the stub of meaty tore-up flesh, and then gently lifted the damaged limb into your lap, trying your very best not to press too hard on it. You wrung out your soaking wet sweatshirt the best you could before hastily wrapping up his arm in it. The moment you applied pressure and began tying the sleeves together as a makeshift bandage Thomas started thrashing.

The sudden shot of pain must have shaken him back into consciousness, and you hold his arm down to the best of your ability, trying desperately to tie the damn knot so you could stop causing him so much agony. Once you had it tight enough to slow the bleeding, you let him jerk his arm away and hiss and moan to himself. He looked completely out of it. Like he was in too much crippling pain to even register that you existed. That wasn’t a good sign. You’d read about how the more blood the human body loses, the more delusional and susceptible to extreme side effects they become.

You are reminded of the roaring chainsaw a good ten feet away from where you kneel beside your lover, half of the saw is in a deep, murky puddle of muck drowning the motorized sound to be distorted into an unpleasant gurgling. You were about to lift yourself up from the street and go to switch it off, but in that same moment, Thomas starts shifting around and making louder, more clear whines. His wrapped arm is trembling on the slick dirt road like it was full of tremoring nerves that jerked and throbbed.

You crawl over so you are behind him and gingerly raise his heavy head up and place it over your lap, noting the streaks of blood beneath his skull. He must’ve hit his head pretty hard on the way down. You start to panic all of a sudden, all of your emotions melding into one big ball of dread and terror as you began to pant. Your heart is pounding in your chest almost painfully vigorously. This was not the time to have an anxiety attack! You supposed this whole situation could be described as your biggest fear, but the more you panic the harder it will be to keep a level head and fix all of this. You needed to help Thomas first, he came first.

You gulp down those feelings like you had done so many times before, putting them on hold for a more important call. You shakily attempt to speak to him, to see if you could get any other verbal responses. You don’t even try to even out the tremors in your throat.

“Thomas, Baby, can you hear me? Please, I can’t—” You broke off into a choked sob, your hot tears mixing with the chilly, fat drops of rain. You cradled his head in your hands and hunched over him just slightly before turning to one side as your emotional turmoil started to leak through the cracks. “To-Tommy? Tommy, please. I’m so scared, I-I’m so sorry, please stay with me. I can’t— not now. Ch-Charlie’s comin’ Don’t worry… don’t worry.”

It wasn’t quite clear who you were truly trying to comfort. You didn't even know if Hoyt was coming, you only hoped that he was. You once again curse yourself for not saying something before you left. You knew you couldn't drag Thomas back to the house by yourself, you didn't know if he could walk if he would make it, you didn't even know if you’d make it! You noticed Thomas was shaking, oh what more could go wrong!? If the blood loss doesn't kill him first, hypothermia will!

You tried to keep Thomas calm when he started to squirm, most likely from the searing pain he was experiencing. You hushed and cooed at him, cradling his head close to your stomach. You bent forward to stop him from touching his other arm, begging him to stay still for just a bit longer. You felt almost guilty for pleading with him to stay awake, but you knew you had to at least try to keep him conscious as long as possible.

The persistent deluge didn't relent in the slightest as five, six, and seven minutes passed by. Finally, you saw headlights approaching, the distinct pure of a truck growing closer and closer. You almost cried out in relief when you recognized whose truck it was, once it was close enough you wave to it to bring the driver’s attention to yourself.

It slowed to and pulled over, without a doubt, Hoyt and Luda Mae hopped out of the truck and rushed over to you. They both looked almost shocked to see you and only hesitated for a moment before they were fussing over Thomas. Luda was already yelling, starting to cry upon seeing her special boy in such a state.

“My boy! What have they done to my boy?!” You were quickly shoved away from Thomas, and as much as you loathed being apart from him and were on the verge of a severe emotional breakdown, you gave Luda some space to grieve and shout over her son. Charlie was a bit of a mess, you'd never seen the man so worried it, and yet so lost. Charlie always knew what to do, but right now… he looked like even he didn’t know how to fix this.

Fortunately, the posing sheriff was quick to get his head back in the right place and got his gears turning.

“C’mon, Mama, help me get ‘em in the truck!” Charlie shouted over the loud downpour, finally taking charge of the situation like he always did. You quickly rushed to help them maneuver a dazed Thomas into the backseat, the hulking man is trying his very best to stumble and walk with the aid of his family, and once he is in the back everyone else is jumping into the vehicle too.

You slide into the backseat with your injured giant, letting him lie his head in your lap and whispering calming things to him as Charlie sped way over the limit back to the Hewitt residence. There was no way they could take him to a hospital with their soon-to-be criminal record, and there was no telling if he’d make the entire long ride there anyway. So he’d have to be taken care of here, you know a bit about first aid from a bunch of medical classes you took way back in high school when you had planned to be a nurse. But you weren’t a surgeon, not even a nurse.

You just hoped to whatever god, ancestor, or force that existed that you could save him. You loved him too much to lose him now.

.   .   .

“So,” You heard Hoyt begin after walking out of the room Thomas was just stabilized and hopefully saved in, you hadn’t been allowed in. The family had assured you that your presence would do more harm than good. You hesitantly agreed.

“What?” You asked, the pure exhaustion and strain in your voice made you sound as worn out as you felt.

“What made ya stay? Ya ran off like you was takin’ your chance to run, why’d you bother with the boy?” The Sheriff questioned, not even sounding snarky or demanding, a genuine inquiry that you weren’t expecting from him. And so, you answered with nothing but truth soaking into every word, perhaps it even shocked you more than it did him.

“Because I love him more than that.” And you did, more than the life void of chains and gore that you could have escaped to. It would mean nothing without him.

Your collar and broken chain were never replaced.

#thomas hewitt x reader #thomas hewitt imagine #thomas hewitt #leatherface x reader #angst #slasher x reader #slasher imagine #Texas Chainsaw Massacre #leatherface fic #leatherface #I don't know what the fuck just happened but if i did that guy would still have his arm

[thefreshfinds]

BROKEN KID: POP MALCOLM

Popping into the music scene with an idiosyncratic sound — independent Houston hip hop artist, writer and audio engineer Pop Malcolm prides himself in creating a sound that can be called his own. Moreso he breaks all barriers in every element of hip-hop. Aside from being less braggodious than the rest, Pop Malcolm combines a quick combo of different flows with superlative punchlines and metaphors. Most of all, Pop Malcolm isn't afraid to fluncuate between a sound for the old and new school heads. Still, he uses bits of video game effects in the mix but says "it's new wave hip hop the right way." Not only is Pop Malcolm relatable but he leaves the listener with some things to ponder on. The best way to describe Pop Malcolm is as an avid thinker and it's displayed through his bars. Take for instance "Days Passed", in the middle of the song he expresses how some things we've been taught in school are pointless because they aren't used once you start working in your field of choice. Another great thing about Pop Malcolm's music is his way of subtly giving advice to those listening. "Broken Kid" fits best in this scenario solely due to the beginning of the song where he looks at himself in the mirror and says "I believe in you, even if nobody else does. I believe in you. We gonna see it through." Here, he's saying to keep going for you and ignore all the noise.

His project, Broken Kid doesn't miss a beat. It's self-reflective. And even gives a big middle finger to those who doubted him but are now "believers", a dab to his day ones, nonstop grind and shows his immense love towards a wifey type who'd he fight for. Equally important, Broken Kid can't be hindered by just one genre. It has a heavy influence of R&B, old school rap, rock and more! It's pure hip hop but even metal fans like his music. You can digest it if you're not a rap fan and really enjoy it if you're a hip hop head. Broken Kid basically shows off Pop Malcolm's prime excellence in the game. All the while, Pop Malcolm passes along what he's learned. He stays lowkey to remain high key. And knows that anything is possible if he leaves it up to God and stays optimistic. "My theme in Broken Kid  is honesty. Rappers make songs about things they don't do and sell their fans a fake life just to let them down. I am who I am on and off the mic. Every song has its own theme but my overall intention is to deliver real music people can relate to, appreciate and still bang in the whip. I can't fail if I stay myself and stay in my own lane." he goes on to say.

The first track, "golden ticket" has a beat that can be best described as intergalactic fused with a combative base. He is less concerned with others opinions because they’re focused on things that aren’t even important. Instead, Pop Malcolm goes to say that he just wants to move the youth because they are the future after all. Apart from his dual flows, his voice is used with much force. It also includes an 808, hi-hats and an interesting piece from the xclophone.

"days passed" stresses that Pop Malcolm doesn't want snakes around him. Lyrically he comes the hardest and even goes on a run. "days passed" also speaks on homies he’s lost and addresses that he’s been through things. Yet he doesn’t go into depth about his personal issues. Instead Pop Malcolm counts his blessings and stays optimistic toward the future. Beat wise, he uses a lush 90's R&B beat that goes smoothly with his words.

Then theres "broken kid" which is more of a chillwave song with an old school hip-hop and 8-bit influence. With a woodpipe to back him up, Pop Malcolm is more relfective and speaks on a time where he was looked down upon. But through it all, he flourished! An example can be seen in this one line where he says "I use to get made fun of. Now I get the green like Mario in one up."

Afterwards, "fwm" goes off. He basically keeps his distance from most because they're fake and even goes to say that most are p***y's. The reason he's able to differentiate the real from fake because of how money hungry they get. Sonically, the beat uses 8 bits, drum rolls, pixelized flute and an organ. " It was a track that is really raw and is for the spitter fans. I would make more tracks like that but I feel I need to keep a balance in how I approach tracks to stay fresh." Pop Malcolm says.

Immediately "key" changes the vibe. On my first listen, I interpreted it as a bosa nova track but "key" really is dancehall and hip-hop in between. The beat fuses the marimba with video game like synths, slightly low guitar chords and hi-hats. Needless to say it does a great job! Here, Pop Malcolm says that hes aiming for success by investing and saving. Although he's all about his hussle, he advices others to not let money overrule their life. My favorite line can be found in the span, 2:34.

"ollie" essentially speaks on his grind. The beat sounds somewhat similar to "Hotline Bling" by Drake but it seperates itself from that stigma by using an overruling japanese driven piano, reverse sound effect again, hi-hats and base. " I think it has a lot of layers and things many people can relate to. It's sonically a masterpiece." Pop Malcolm adds.

Whereas "piano" tells people to think again because he's not about to get played. Pop Malcolm shuts it down by coming hard with a base-heavy combative beat and destructable bars towards the fools.

All he wants is respect, and "rapper name" deems it with great success. See the thing he's moved by in hip-hop is its rawness. "It's seen as rebel music" Pop Malcolm says "When people talk about music they tend to leave out hip-hop or say it's not even music. I feel there's a lot of art and stories and hip hop and it's looked over as trash because of the radio and ignorant people. I respect the art." This song is another reflective one that speaks on certain hardships he has faced. Pop Malcolm is really trying to be a better person and is actually hurt that people would ask him to change his name. Really, he's just trying to cope. Sonically, it has a more softer side. It's meshed with twinkles, flunctuating guitar riffs, hi-hats and the reverse sound effect.

Lastly, "trustworthy community" leans more toward boom-bap. He goes to say that humanity is a lie, thus why it's so hard to trust America as a whole. This song also took a lot of emotion out of Pop Malcolm but still was one of his favorites to create.

On the whole, Pop Malcolm says in his own words that anybody can relate Broken Kid. It doesn't hold gender or race to it. "I just wanted to create something that shows we are all a bit f***d up, relating to things that aren't always fun and just being honest. All I can promise is honesty and that translate into what I create."

Moving forward, Pop Malcolm hopes to collab with Le$ but most importantly, he wants to quit his day job when his music takes off. He's excited for the tours and meeting fans. However, he really wants to take care of his family.

Pop Malcolm's advice to any upcoming artist is to never sign a deal, stay true yourself, plan for the long haul and take care of BUSINESS. "The fast way isn't the best way."

Make sure to stream Broken Kid. It's available on all streaming platforms

By: Natalee Gilbert

LINK(s):

1. Instagram - @friendwthechain

2. "Broken Kid" - https://soundcloud.com/rdpent/sets/brokenkidalbum

3. YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZhW1ZWCTqkOUV0TUbY6Eqw

#soundcloud #freshfinds #music #musicblog #rap #listen #banger #musicians #hip hop #follow #brokenkid #popmalcolm #albumreviews #hiphopunderground #hiphopwired #hiphopblogger #hiphopreviews #xxlfreshman2019 #nojumper #power1051 #rnbsoul #medal #rock #artistreviews #musicjournalism

[spreadplaylist]

SPREAD CH.4 ARTIST SPOTLIGHT INTERVIEW - TINA MATHIEU

This month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight is a dear friend of mine, Tina Mathieu. Let's get a closer look at her life and her music!

Tina: Hey there.. My name is Tina Mathieu. I’m a singer/songwriter based in Los Angeles. I moved out here by way of NYC, where I spent roughly 15 years writing and playing acoustic soul music. Within the past few months, I released my first indie r&b single and ran my very first official trail run... uphill - So i’m kinda feelin’ myself. ; )

Dan: Haha hi Tina! Those are definitely things to be proud of. I'm so excited you're our SPREAD featured artist this month! Diving right into your life and career a little more, how long have you been a songwriter/artist?

Tina: I started writing my own music after I stepped away from musical theater back in 2003. I was 22 with a broken heart and a cheap classical guitar. Typical story. I’d been writing poetry since I was a child - and somehow the ability to turn my words into melodies just clicked.

Dan: And when it clicks it's the best feeling ever. Since you have been writing for a while I am sure you have some sort of routine. Describe the place that makes you feel the most inspired creatively.

Tina: The mountains and the shower… recently I began trail running through the Santa Monica mountains. Moving through the open air, surrounded by 360’ of a world reminding me how small I am gives me major perspective - I become elevated in every way. I usually record voice memos while I hike and continue playing with those ideas once I’m home... washing all the dirt the off. The shower makes me feel like I can sing anything.

Dan: More power to you on trail running. I don't think that's something I could ever have the endurance to do! But if we're talking singing in the shower, I definitely feel like Beyoncé the moment I step in, even though I definitely don't sound like her...

Quickly moving on to get that image out of everyone's head...I know you are a very motivated and driven person. Do you have a personal mantra that helps you get through each day? If so, what is it?

Tina: These days when I feel like so much is out of my control, I like to stick with “One day at a time” and the serenity prayer... Accept the things I cannot change - the courage to change the things I can - and the wisdom to know the difference. Oh wisdom…

Dan: I've never actually heard that prayer. That's something I may have to adopt. I definitely use the day-at-a-time mantra or I tend to get overwhelmed.

So, now that you have released a new single, I know you are trying to get out and perform in LA a little more. Coming from experience I know that's a blessing and a curse. What do you think is a misconception people have about performing?

Tina: That bigger notes mean better singer. This is especially true in musical theater or televised singing competitions. I’ve had lots of internal struggles with this misconception. After dealing with vocal nodes, I had to start letting the strengths within my tone, emotion and storytelling depict my artistry - rather than belting my life away.

Dan: To be honest I think reality singing tv shows have done some hurt to singers because everyone watches them and then expects everyone to have a huge, belting voice. But we have to make room for the soothing, sultry vocals too. ;)

If you can pick, what song of yours are u most proud of? Why?

Tina: I’m super proud of two songs. ‘Downward Spiral’, my first single that I released, was a long time coming. I wrote it about 2 ½ years ago in NYC after dealing with some family turmoil. I’m proud of it because I actually followed through with it. I’ve written tons of songs and always found excuses to not finish them. When I released ‘Downward Spiral’ I felt ready. I had no excuses left.

I’m also very proud of the next song i’ll be releasing in October, ‘Ring Off’. Reliving the discovery of an affair is probably the most raw i’ve been in songwriting yet. It still hurts when i sing it and i think it makes people uncomfortable… which means I did my job.

Dan: I've heard both and I have to say they are both chilling. I don't even know if I could pick a favorite. And again, congrats on the new single!

I know that this journey is hard to follow through with sometimes, and its easy to get caught up. So throughout your years as a songwriter, who is one person in your life that has influenced and pushed you to be where you are now?

Tina: Influenced and pushed are two different things for me. I’ve had several artist and musician friends that have inspired me immensely. My family has always supported and believed in me. But as for pushing me to where I am now... I did that. Lots of people gave me advice and thought I was wasting my talent by not following through for so long, but I couldn’t do anything until I was ready - from the inside - an inner push that was long overdue.

Dan: I'm so happy to see that push now, because you're amazing! It's crazy how we can hear kind words and support from so many different people but we equally have to hear us say it to ourselves, too. With this unstoppable Tina, describe a typical day in your life. What are you doing? What do u enjoy the most about it?

Tina: I’m a mom - so everyday starts the same... I have to wake up way earlier than I prefer to blindly pour apple juice for a 4 year old dude. I also work in tv production so I’m often juggling a freelance lifestyle which allows me the opportunity to make music. I try to hike or trail run whenever I can squeeze it in. Also, Target. I’m mostly at Target.

Dan: Target always saves the day. Also, you are my hero. Now that we've seen a glimpse into your grind, and that you are not holding back in your music making any longer, what do u think is the biggest misconception people have about working in the music industry?

Tina: That you get discovered and industry people figure everything out for you and you just get to sing and make money. EASY. It couldn’t be more of the opposite. Being an artist is running a small business - the financial investment, the self promotion, understanding the convoluted money splits on the back end of a song... I mean you really have to love the ‘making music’ part of it.

Dan: You have to love it almost more than anything else. There's so much more behind the scenes that people do not think about. Being where you are today, and having just released an awesome single, if you could go back in time to the Tina Mathieu who just started out as a songwriter and artist, what is a piece of advice you would give her?

Tina: Be nice to yourself. It’s ok to tell people that you are a songwriter. You’re not a phony. And you don’t have to hide behind other people’s success… you deserve your own.

Dan: Preach, girl. Also discussing your day-to-day life, how do u manage a busy schedule and stress? How do you recharge when u need to?

Tina: I try to stay as organized as possible - Google docs run my life. Hiking and weed are my stress relievers. Often paired together. :)

Dan: We definitely need those stress relievers to get us through the business. Breaks away from the madness are so important.

A part of this business also includes of failed attempts or let-downs. I feel like they are so common you can easily lose track. Tell us about a time that you feel like you failed musically. How did u overcome this?

Tina: When I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I completely failed musically. I had yet to put out a single, yet to release an EP… and to be honest, I thought that being a mom meant that I had run out of time. I wrote a depressing song that day (that no one has ever heard) and decided to accept my failure as an artist. Luckily, being a songwriter is simply a part of me that won’t go away. It took a few years to start finding my way again - but I’m actually better than I was before and now I have someone very special to impress.

Dan: You are a natural songwriter. I don't think it could go away if you tried to make it! I am really touched by your answer, and I can't help but be grateful for all the badass moms we see in the industry that are killing it. Ya know, Pink, Beyoncé, Adele to name a few... It gives me hope that other moms will be inspired to keep going; that they're not done after having a kid. And I'll be the one to say I am SO glad you didn't give up. We desperately need your music in the world. Also...your kid is ridiculously cute I can't handle it. He'll always be your number one fan!

What is a defining moment of your career and how has it affected your life since?

Tina: Releasing ‘Downward Spiral’ is the most defining moment so far. When I teamed up with the Los Angeles Songwriters Collective for their 2nd EP, I committed to myself that it was time follow through. The past few months have been non-stop songwriting, studio time, gigs, co-write sessions, networking and supporting new artist friends. Making that one commitment changed everything for me.

Dan: I have such a big smile on my face. The gears are turning and there's no stopping now!

Looking to your inspiratioins, tell us about an artist/songwriter who inspires u. What would you like to emulate in your own artistry?

Tina: Erykah Badu is my all time favorite artist. Unique in every way. Her voice, words, melodic decisions, storytelling... honest & confident.

“She’s Clever.”

John Mayer is my favorite lyricist - I try to learn a lot from the honesty and details in his poetry. I may or may not have a lyric tattooed around my wrist. (Shhh.. I’m a fangirl!)

I’m not looking to emulate them but rather let what I love in these artists innately come through me - kinda like osmosis.

Dan: You said something SO important right there. I think up and coming artists struggle a lot when they're first releasing music. They listen to their favorite artists and then try to sound like them, but the key is letting what you love about them show in your own way! Ah, I could scream! Nail on the damn head.

So what artist/album/song have u had on repeat lately?

Tina: 90’s male R&B slow jam Playlist - Ginuwine, Dru Hill, 112, etc..

Julia Michaels - She is an effortless genius.

Kehlani - Obsessed with her.

Fiona Apple, Tidal - because her words never go out of style (and I still need a dictionary to get through some songs...)

Dan: What a good ass mix! If people reading this have not checked those artists out, GO! Some of them have been featured on SPREAD before... ;)

Laaaaaast but not least at all, how can we check out ur music and stay up to date with ur releases/posts? Anything we should especially be on the lookout for? ;)

Tina: I’m mostly active on Instagram - @tinamathieumusic. You can listen to ‘Downward Spiral’ on SPREAD CH. 4 - Feels and also stream or download it anywhere music exists. I have a few LA gigs lined up for Sept / Oct, which I’ll be announcing soon - and my newest single, ‘Ring Off’ will be available this fall.

Dan: Y'all heard it from Tina herself! If u haven't already, go check out her new single, 'Downward Spiral' on SPREAD CH.4 and go follow her! LA people, make sure u go see her live to because her music and her voice slays. Thanks again, Tina, for being SPREAD CH.4's featured artist. I'm super excited to see where this next year takes u! :)

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Thank you everyone for joining us for this month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight! I hope you have let out all the FEELS u can before Friday because a whole new playlist is coming! And it's gonna end with a bang 🎊

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