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leahseclipse · 3 years

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Thnks fr th Mmrs - (Event Fic)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Warnings: Not that I am aware of. (Please let me know if something should be added later on.)

Summary: Just two idiots in love, but none of them have the guts to say it. Eventually one of them will do it, a bit late tho- but, better now than never.

A/N: HELLO!! Here I am, roughly one month after my last fic, this work got all of us busy, which lead to a bit of panic on the last days, but (I think) we made it all in one piece.

This work is part of the Fic Swap organized by @imagining-in-the-margins, with the help of @sunlight-moonrise! I’ve had the opportunity to write for @spencer-reid-in-a-pool- which is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I love her so so so so much. This was awesome to do. (And yeah, for those who got the ref, the title is from one of fob's songs. I had NO other idea and found this one cool.)

Word Count: 8.7k

As much as I wished for it not to haunt me another day— I still had this one problem, written into my brain with bright red ink, unwashable, as it seemed.

I hated to recall that it still remained there, as if it was an unsolved case that someone would have put into archives and brought back up when they were clearing out the shelves.

Unfortunately, it didn’t get lost, I just forgot it was there, and my brain had the wonderful idea of presenting it back to me.

I appreciate it. That was— quite nice.

It wasn’t that I hated it, I just didn’t like the thought of having to deal with it at barely eight in the morning, just before actually dealing with the problem itself— in person.

That problem—couldn’t be someone else but the only one Spencer Reid, the resident genius of the team, or the baby sibling for some of my co-workers.

Once again, I do not dislike him, on the contrary, he’s one the closest person I have in my life to this day, I wouldn’t imagine my life without him.

The problem is mainly directed towards the love, sentimental kind of problem.

Especially when the concerned person isn’t aware of it.

It gets complicated when you can’t even hide your feelings when they’re near.

I get all nervous and weird when he’s in sight, the proofs are right there.

I remember them all, from the time I broke a mug when I tried to reach it as he was talking or when I almost fell down the stairs when he came in to work one day, looking like a literal god— and wasn’t even aware of it, the list keeps going on for miles.

And I’m still there, sitting with my feelings, waiting for something to happen.

I’m not even sure that he feels the same way.

I’m here, admiring him, thinking about what could happen if I could resolve myself to talk about it, if he felt the same way, but strangely and for an unknown reason; I can’t.

This issue has been happening all week, the last one, and probably the whole month.

It took me time to figure it out myself.

I only saw us as two good friends at first; we’d hang out together, had the same hobbies, have long conversations without caring about the time, to the point that people would think that we were together.

But I guess that I never realized that he could be more than just a good friend.

And as it couldn’t be more complicated, in these cases, if none out of the two dares to make a move, or talk, it won’t go much further.

Which is exactly what’s been happening at this moment..

I’ve been liking him for a while now, and my brain doesn’t know to do anything else but attack me with as many questions they can come up with at the same time whenever I dare to think about it.

What if he does like me, but only as a friend?

Is it going to be awkward between us?

Am I going to lose my friendship with him because of that?

What if he says no?

What am I left with? My stupid feelings that will keep wandering around, reminding me of my love failure?

If all of these are the things waiting for me till I decide to stop bottling it up, I better have to solve that, soon.

But at the same time, if I take a glance at the negative side, I’m just thinking that it’d be better to keep our friendship as it is, and just pretend as if he’s only a good friend I’m quite close with, not a possible lover.

Since when did I allow myself to see him as that? I wasn’t doing that before.

What caused my feelings to suddenly appear?

He’s always been nice to me, as with everyone else he’s close with, and as far as I’m aware of it, no one’s been in my situation.

If it ever happened, I’m sure that it was purely platonic and didn’t go as far as I’m at.

It’s as bad as a math problem.

Kind of ironic, considering I both suck at figuring out how to say I love someone, deal with feelings, all that love stuff; and at maths.

But, as I think about it further, he didn’t do anything to keep me from crushing on him either, even if he probably didn’t do it because he liked me.

There’s a 50% possibility.

He’d take me in his arms to reassure me, help me with paperwork when I was tired, offer to drive me home, re-filled my mug for me, act close, and by close- not as close as he is with the others.

A different kind of close.

So...who wouldn’t think that way, that he could like me?

He could possibly like me, but about that, I don’t have a single clue to know if he really does.

I do want to try to ask him, in one way or another, but the thing is that , if he doesn’t like me, what is going to happen next?

Awkward silence?

Is he going to try to reject me as nicely as possible to not hurt my feelings?

It could be really nice if anything would help me to make all of this mess any clearer.

I don’t want to end up drawing away from him because I can’t help but be in love with him whenever I look at him, but at the same time, I can’t say that I am, in case he’s not in love with me.

Spencer’s one of the most important people in my life; I wouldn’t imagine a day where I wouldn’t talk to him, and even if we’re busy, I try to say hi to him, at least.

I can’t quite imagine not having him ramble about his favorite subject, happy as hell because I’m interested, listening to him, and even participating in it.

I don’t want all of this to stop because of a mistake I could cause.

So, this week will be the one.

I’ll somehow resolve myself to bring up the subject.

I’m sure he’ll understand, he knows me better than anyone else in the whole team, has always been there when I needed someone, he’s always listened when I needed to talk, he helped me out with a lot of issues.

He’s always been understanding, whether the issue would concern him or not, so this shouldn’t be a big problem.

It’ll be fine.

I just have to relax sometimes.

I’m stressing out too much, and I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t stress that much about that, or any subject he might think about.

I even wonder if Spencer already noticed the changes in my behavior and is just waiting for me to talk about it because he doesn’t dare to talk about it as well.

He could feel the same way.

He could.

There’s a chance, a good one, I guess.

It can end well, and I have to keep thinking about the good outcome.

There’s no way he’d react badly, I know him,— Spencer is not the kind of guy to do that, in general.

I trust him on that.

So, today...or later, will be the right one.

It’ll go well.

It’ll be win or lose, basically.

I sighed as I looked at myself for the hundredth time for the past ten minutes, finally resolving myself to leave the apartment before I’d end up being late.

Which isn’t something I’d like to happen.

My ‘love problem’ counts as at least ten problems more than getting yelled at by a superior (if I’m not overreacting, at least) so I don’t really need that to happen, on top of that.

I have never been delighted to walk into the office, only to find paperwork from last week waiting for me.

We usually had the whole ‘Garcia runs into the office and throws papers at us before we gather in the conference room and immediately go on a jet at whatever unpleasant hour’ or just purely lazy days where none of us have the strength for any kind of celebration.

But today happened to be a calm one, we just had to do whatever task we had left to do before we can allow ourselves to go back home to either sleep all day to fix our long broken sleep schedule, or do whatever event we might come with, such as dates or trying to find a guy in a party, for some of us.

It’s nice that we don’t have to worry about when we’ll be able to come back to work, we just go in, do our task and go home at whatever hour, a decent one.

I’d say that this happened to be more than convenient -in a way- for Spencer and I.

More time for talking, hanging out together, mostly what we do when not on an active case.

If I’m not mistaken, I think that I may have heard one of them saying that we were dating because of how frequently we’d be found together.

I did want to say we were dating as a joke, but I was afraid that it’d end up being awkward after that if- as said earlier when I woke up-, he didn’t feel the same.

But at the same time, whether he feels the same way or not, I don’t really have a reason to think about that as Spencer wouldn’t react badly.

Knowing him, he’d probably play along.

At my arrival at the bureau; everyone was scattered a bit around; which wasn’t to be seen on a case day, usually.

We just had to hope we wouldn't have a surprise case to ruin it all.

As I greeted everyone before settling at my desk, I noticed one person missing.

Spencer wasn't usually late, so...I didn't really know what might make him late.

Knowing him, he may have woken up late because he had watched tv till 2AM, and ran to the coffee shop to not look dead at his arrival.

Yep, that’s him.

Let’s hope he won’t break a bone when he’s going to attempt to run to not be late, it’s...yeah.

So, don’t rush Spencer, it’s calm as hell here, you don’t need a trip to the ER so soon in the morning.

“Oh, hey!”

I turned around to be faced with Spencer, papers in hand. “When did you get there? I didn’t see you when I arrived like...five minutes ago. I thought you weren’t here yet.”

“Oh, I was doing copies. I’m sorry if I worried you, I should have sent a text.”

“No- It’s okay, don’t worry. You’re here...now.”

“Yeah, I’m here. Do you have a lot of paperwork? Figured out we could talk in between.” He asked.

“No, I don’t have a lot, and...sure, I could use a talk- I mean uh...talk, yeah.”

That was a shitty save.

“I’m glad, I didn't want to bother you if you were busy.”

“Even if my whole desk was covered in papers, you know I’d always find a minute to talk. I get easily distracted.”

Please don’t take it the ‘love’ way, or just...don’t think I get distracted by you in a ‘not-a-friend’ way— gosh, I’m not gonna be able to save it with whatever sentence.

“You know that’s the same for me. I always have a hundred subjects popping up just when I try to focus.”

“Yeah, same. It’s a bit...annoying.”

“Depends. It’s not really when you’re in them.” Spencer admitted.

Is this an attempt at killing me right on the spot? You’re really going to kill me by being so damn nice.

“Oh...really? I didn’t know.”

That was shit.

“Well uh...now you do that it’s not always annoying up there and that’s your part of the non-bothering stuff.” He pointed out.

“That’s the- same for you, yeah.” I answered, slightly nervous.

“Didn’t know we had that too in common, that’s funny.”

Not so sure about the other detail you don’t know about-

“We learn new stuff everyday at least. I guess it’s...useful to know? I don’t know.” I chuckled.

“Yeah, there’s not much to do with that information, it’s more of a...fact thing-y. You know I like that stuff.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Who doesn’t?”

“Yeah, everyone does at this point, but that’s a quarter of what they know, I think that you’re the only one that knows the most about me, not everyone.”

You have to stop before I drop dead on the floor right now.

“I have to remind you that it’s kind of the same for you.”

“People are definitely thinking we’re together at this point, we’re pretty close so they have every right to believe that.”

“Does it...bother you?”

“Oh, no, not really. You’re a pretty girl so that’s kind of...nice that they think that a nerd like me could be in a relationship with you.”

Okay, I just stopped functioning right now.

What am I supposed to even say? You’re a literal god, you’re handsome as HELL-

“Oh- you’re uh- good looking so, that’s...normal I guess.”

“You think so?” He asked, unsure.

Oh, please. Tell me you’re kidding, it’s impossible that no one hasn’t told you of your AMAZING handsomeness, the fact that you’re amazingly-

Yeah, we got it y/n.

“Yeah, really.” I confirmed.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“No problem, Spence.” I said, as we both went to our respective tasks.

At least I avoided a heart attack, that’s what matters, he just has to stop being so cute and pretty, all the time because I’m gonna have trouble acting like I’m not in fucking love with him if he keeps going.

Just- breathe, and focus on your work.

We’re gonna talk together, and it’s gonna be okay.

There’s no reason that a problem would occur, I just had a talk with him, and it went...almost perfectly smooth.

The ‘almost’ part is when I almost had a heart attack, which isn’t the first I’ve had with him, and won’t be the last.

If he would just stop being so handsome all of the time.

I sighed, reading the paper all over again as I lost focus...again.

As I was reading, my pen in hand and the tip of it slightly touching the sheet— I didn’t even realize that I had been scribbling on the paper, as if I was in middle school and bored in class all over again.

It was kind of….fun.

I didn’t get to do that everyday, so I’d say that it was diversifying compared to any other stressful day where these...doodles wouldn't even happen or to be thought about because of the amount and importance of the work.

I still think about him, even when I’m busy as hell though.

He’s always in my thoughts, I don't know how he does it because I’m pretty sure I don’t do that with anyone else in the bureau.

Is that kind of over thinking considered as an obsession or not at this point? I’m not quite sure of it anymore, but...it's not "psychopath, stalker-like", he's just an important person that matters to me.

I just really like him, that’s all.

He also told me that I tend to be in his mind often, so...I guess we're even.

I guess so.

“Hey, is everything...okay? You’ve been staring blankly for a...while. Is that my-” He started to point out.

I panicked, quickly hiding the papers with other ones. “What? Oh, uh...I was-” I blurted out. “...thinking.”

“You’ll probably have to...print out new ones. I don't think Hotch will accept papers with scribbles, you know. I can print out some copies for you, if you want?”

“No- It’s fine, I can go, thanks for asking! It’s nice of you but uh- I’m going.” I answered, as I abruptly clicked back on the software to print out copies, and walked to the breakroom after...awkwardly waving.

Why the hell was I scribbling down his name like I was...a middle schooler having a crush on her classmate?

I have no idea why, but this was...kind of embarrassing at the moment.

I seriously have to stop worrying about each thing that happens.

He probably didn’t care as much as I did.

I shook my head as I arrived in the breakroom, now empty as Luke and Matt had previously left from what I saw a bit ago when I looked in that direction.

I didn’t mind, at least I’d avoid embarrassment because of how weird my expression probably looks.

So, everyone, please don’t come now, wait until I pick up my papers, that’d be more than appreciated.

Should I call Spencer?

I don’t want to be a bother, I know he enjoys spending time alone off work.

Would he be happy to hear me?

I don’t know.

I’ll call him later, if I’m settled on it.

I’ve been pacing in that small apartment of mine for at least the last couple of minutes, or maybe an hour, I don’t have the habit of noting the duration of my nonsense usually.

I don’t even know why I’m pacing again and again just to decide about a call.

I’m sure he doesn’t even do that.

Does that mean it makes me...crazy?

Not necessarily.

It could.

Maybe.

I’ll just- whatever.

Do something useful like cleaning your apartment and answering emails, and you’ll see if you have a minute to spare to call Spencer.

That works that way.

See, you can stop stressing.

Just do another task to distract yourself and have less things to worry about, so it’ll be easier to decide about the ‘call matter’ thingy.

I did not call him, if that’s what anyone wondered.

The only call I made was with Penelope, after she called me numerous times to ask me about the books we’ve been yelling about for a few weeks.

I had supposed she had also wanted to talk about Spencer, as the whole office had been conspiring about our possible relationship.

But, she held it off, and cut the call after saying ‘I better hang up or I’ll be talking about the book for another decade’.

Kind of looks like me and my thoughts with Spencer.

I hope I’ll get to let all of those out, if we ever have the chance to have a talk about the feelings matter.

I never had that many ‘things matters’, I’m even inventing some new words along the way.

Crazy what love can do, if that’s what started it.

I can’t recall that either, I’ve been more focusing on the matter itself than the name of it.

Love will do, I guess.

“What are you up to?” I asked, peering over Spencer’s desk.”

“Well, technically...nothing new. I’ve been reading that for the past week, I tend to do that with books I really like.” He closed it, looking at me. “Is that weird?”

“Not at all. I’m doing the same with shows and movies, and even- who cares if it’s weird? If we like doing that, we don’t have to worry about what others might think about it.”

“You’re right, I shouldn’t worry that much.”

“I worry about small things too, you’re not alone on the ride.” I pointed out, sitting back at my desk.

“Glad to know I have someone I’m sure won’t judge on that.”

“I would never judge you on anything, well- aside from the ‘sugar’ matter we’ve been having for a while, nothing else.”

“You’ll be debating about it for a while then. I’m not about to stop having my ‘sugar with my coffee’, as Morgan says.”

“The amount you put in it is disgusting.”

“Not to me.”

“Well it is to me, and probably everyone else. How do you not get sick?”

“No idea. I’ve been doing that for years and never had problems of any kind. Maybe you’re all the ones that are weird.”

“Hey! You’re weird too. If you wouldn’t be, I wouldn’t be talking with you.”

“I’m less weird than you, at least.”

“Pff. Just get back to work, weirdo.”

I love you, weird genius.

No, I didn’t get to talk to him about the…’love matter thingy’.

We did spend a lot of time together but I didn’t get the nerve to find a way to ask, instead of going straight to the thing.

I have no idea if I was imagining things or if it was real but...he did look a lot like me, and...his look wasn’t the kind of look you’d give a friend.

He also seemed...nervous, I guess?

Would it be wrong for me to think that he could possibly like me, as well?

That’s better than always thinking he doesn’t, a little hope doesn’t hurt, it’s always nice to think on the bright side for once.

Maybe I could be right.

I kind of hope I am.

I didn’t think till now that it would be such a relief to see my whole desk cleared from most of the papers.

I’ve turned in most of my reports- and that kind of sounds like I’m talking as if I’m in school and turning in assignments at the end of the day to be honest.

All of the papers that laid around were gone, and it kind of seemed like the work day had reached its end.

It kind of was a nice day, it’s nice to have days like that from time to time to take a break from all of the stress and shit from cases.

As I had gathered back all of my stuff, and all that was in mind was to walk out of here and rush to my apartment.

Just as I turned around, Spencer was standing in front of me; I didn’t even see him come by.

“You- gosh, you really scared me. Speak up next time.” I said, nervously laughing.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to- Did you uh...get hurt?”

“No, I didn’t have- get anything. I’m okay, thanks- Are you going home too?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am and...I also-”

“You also…?”

“I wanted to talk to you...again, about something.”

I feel like that ‘something’ might be the ‘something’ I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for weeks.

“Uh, go ahead, I guess. I can’t really start the conversation as I have no idea what it’s about…”

“Okay, uh...I’ve been uh, wanting to ask, for a while, if you wanted to hang out, sometimes. I know we do, pretty often, but I’d be like...hanging out together, maybe dinner...” He looked elsewhere, searching for his words.

“...you mean a date? Is that...what you want to say?”

“Yeah, that! I just- I thought I’d be weird to ask you, just like that. I mean...it’s kind of random and I thought that- you understood the thing.”

Please, that’s what I’ve been thinking about for a decade, how could I not understand that-

“It’s not weird, I’m just...surprised?”

“Oh, I’m- glad? I just...didn’t think you’d accept and...I was kind of afraid that I’d make a fool of myself by asking you that.”

“Wait a minute though- You’re really asking me out, right now? I’m not making fun of you, it’s just still...wow.”

I just thought you would never do it, or that I’d be the one asking and receiving a negative answer.

“I swear that I’m not. I’d never joke about that, especially to you, and since I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I guess I was afraid of the answer.”

“Please don’t laugh, or anything but...kind of the same thing was happening to me, about you.”

“So...we’ve been thinking about it, and none of us knew? Wow, that’s...I didn’t think that was happening all this time.”

“Seems so.”

“Have you been uh...thinking about it for a while, like me?”

“Kind of...yeah. I’ve...liked you for a while but, didn’t think you’d be interested. I’ve had a lot of male friends that were acting like you, but weren’t interested in me, so I thought...that was the case.” I admitted.

“You have no idea how much I appreciate you, and not only in a friendly way. I’ve liked you for a bit, and as I said, I was afraid of what you’d say, so...I told myself that waiting for the right moment would be better.”

“....yeah, same. I don’t think we’d ever get to have a conversation about it but- did you uh...resolved yourself to do it because of…”

“..the paper thing? Yeah, and no. It’s been on my mind for a bit. I just thought this would...kind of- be the right moment. I know that it's not the ideal place, but I just thought, it’s now or never.”

“At least...it’s cleared out?” I asked.

“Yeah, it is. I’m glad we know about...the feelings stuff and all.”

“You have no idea how I am. This is- wow, sorry, this was kind of sudden, and I...didn’t think that’d happen. Just this morning I thought about talking about it somewhere this week and now- did you read my expression or something and guessed or…? Because just as I thought about it, you talked to me.” I explained.

“I guess so. I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, and...I didn’t want to wait more as I wouldn’t have ever talked, as for you.”

“Would you have waited another week for me to tell it or would you have stepped in before?”

“I think it would have depended on where we would be. Because, if we were outside, I think that I would have preferred something nicer than a bureau, you know. Even if I like it, to be honest. But, I wouldn’t say it’s the best setup to ask someone on a date?”

I shrugged. “Not the best, but, it’s better than- I don’t know...a grocery store or something?”

“Yeah- it’s better.”

“At least you’ll get a better shot at asking me out on another date after that one.”

“I’ll definitely do better.”

“I trust you on that one. But- I want to home right now though, I kind of miss my couch...and my fridge, maybe.”

“I’m with you on both ones- after you.” Spencer offered, as the elevator opened, stepping in after me.

“Be careful with the whole gentlemen thing, you’re gonna have to bring me coffee everyday soon.”

“I’m already doing that with mine, bringing yours won’t hurt. You’ll probably have a bill at the end of each month.”

“In your dreams, Reid.”

The care that had been put by Spencer on our first date was truly amazing.

It looked like he planned it months ago, it could almost be seen as a kind of proposal if someone else would see it.

He insisted on picking me up himself, did not tell me a single thing about where we were going till we were there, which was weird...but made it exciting and fun.

I have to say that I was...quite nervous too.

I never even thought that I’d be here, on a literal date with Spencer Reid himself; I’ve had dreams about it, thought about it, but never thought it’d actually happen.

None of this was a joke, he was more than serious about it.

I don’t think that even one thought I had looked like this moment, he insisted for it to be an awesome first date we’d both remember for a while, and I wish it could have lasted longer.

Time went by, way too fast that when we both saw the time, it was already 10PM.

As we could have work, and that sleeping early would be convenient if we happen to be called in early, we decided to end the night there, even if none of us really wanted to.

“We should stay in next time. That way we won’t be tired, you know. It’s kind of late.” Spencer pointed out, as we walked to my place.

“You sure? It’s gonna be Grey’s Anatomy or whatever cheesy tv show I watch for the night.”

“I don’t mind. I’ll probably try to point out the mistakes, it’ll be like...a game night you know.”

“Oh, yeah. It could. But, I think I’m gonna be the one to lose as the only ‘medical knowledge’ I have from that show is from that show. And, as Google isn’t to be trusted, I’m gonna lose.”

“It could also include a...spot cheesy moments thing.”

“Season one is full of it. We’re gonna have a lot to talk about. I would have proposed Star Trek but apparently, there’s not much scientific errors, it’s pretty accurate from what I heard. We could settle on Doctor Who if we can’t decide.”

“Would you like it though? You told me you don’t watch it usually.”

“You could tell me about it, it could be good. We could also try Supernatural, it’s kind of mystery stuff with paranormal stuff?”

“Ghosts, spirit and the whole heaven/hell thing?”

“Yeah, there’s a lot going on. And...it's kind of in the title. I’d have to warn you though, I’m kind of obsessed with the main leads, so don't get jealous or something.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t judge you. It’s a judgement free-zone.”

You raised your eyebrows, staying silent for a split second.“...you judged me when I didn’t add any sugar in my coffee.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Spencer, please- you looked at me weirdly, as if I committed a crime.”

“Not in a mean way- I just put a ton, so, seeing someone putting none was weird.” He admitted.

“I’m judging you on that then. You’re putting way too much in that. It’s sugar with liquid at this point, it's melted candy.”

“I hate the strong taste.”

“Then drink tea.” I proposed.

“It’s too light.”

“Just end up drinking water.” I said, running out of ideas.

“No, I prefer to stay with my sugar with liquid.”

As you wish.” I agreed, as we came to a stop.

“So...we’re there.”

“Yep, we are. I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Spencer repeated, coming forward to plant a kiss on my cheek. “Have a good night.”

“Spencer, you missed. You kissed my cheek.”

“Oh I- are you fine with it…?”

“Just kiss me, Reid.” I replied back, while one of his came on my left cheek, the other laying on my waist as he stepped forward once again, kissing me on the lips.

All of it was perfect.

It was only the two of us, the world around us had froze.

My arms ended up winding up around his neck as he brought me close, his warmth, smell invading my emotions, my whole thoughts.

I had totally forgotten about everything else, he was the center of my attention, I couldn’t allow myself to go on another track when he happened to be near me, this close.

Never have I thought that months ago, as I was crushing on a man I thought wouldn’t like me, would actually like me, and kiss me.

We were literally starting to date.

This better be real, I better not be in a coma after whatever accident I might have had.

Because this— this is way better than a dream, than I imagined.

I would be so mad if that wouldn’t end up to be real— but it is.

All of the things I’d feel, whether it was him, his hand on my cheek radiating his warmth on me, his breath, his lips slotting against mine, his arm enlacing my waist, the grip on my waist gentle, the feeling of the fabric of his jacket against my fingers, or even my own feelings, all of the memories, thoughts floating around, there was just way too many things to describe, but I could still list them all of a sudden if I were to be asked about the aftermath of it.

I couldn’t wish for a better moment like this.

I think that the fact that this moment was probably totally unexpected made it even more special for the two of us.

Neither of us will forget, ever.

This moment totally replaced the message written in bright red ink that reminded me that I still had these feelings laying around that I kept pushing away by fear of rejection.

The rejection seemed long gone, for me, he happened to be having similar feelings, probably fearing a negative event as well.

Turns out nothing bad happened for the both of us.

Only our truest desires, what we wished for but didn’t dare to as the bad ones were stronger.

The bad pushed the joy we could have really lived if the feelings were mutual.

And now, it is.

We both know that the other likes us, that the bad is long gone behind us.

I could tell that, from my side, because of this moment.

I didn’t want it to stop, ever.

I wished to live this kind of event that could give the chance for all of these amazing feelings to fill my whole mind.

No more fear, pain, sadness, just calm, reassuring, soothing feelings.

The ones that make you feel that nothing can hurt you anymore, that make you feel safe, happy, this is all I’ve ever wanted.

I didn’t even count how many minutes that lasted, I was too focused on...the wonderful person in front of me and all the feelings that came with it.

It was quite the overwhelming one, and for once, it wasn’t an unpleasant overwhelming, it made me feel happy.

Mostly because I’d never thought feelings could be so deep, numerous, amazing to think about, and then, even more happy feelings would pop up again, and again.

I’d almost forgotten we were still in front of my building, and that it was...really late.

I almost think that I didn’t remember the world had kept moving, that people walked by to see two people making out in the street.

I guess I sort of apologize, but don’t really care.

I was in my moment and did not care if anyone saw us.

When we both slowed down in our movements, ceasing after a few seconds; I slightly stepped back, letting his hand rest on my cheek for a little bit more when I put mine on his.

I simply didn’t want the feeling of his warmth to ever stop.

I did not want any of what this moment made me feel to ever stop after I had to experience it with no one but a person that deeply matters to me.

The only person I’ve ever wanted to feel this kind of amazing feelings with.

I didn’t want it to stop.

Not yet.

Not ever.

It was amazing.

He was amazing.

As we both started to take our breaths back, when his hand dropped from my cheek to my waist, joining the other, the feeling of looking in his eyes once again was astounding.

It was just a glance.

But, when you happen to be in total love, it isn’t just a simple glance, it’s always a special one.

What you feel about it won’t ever change.

I’m sure of it, in my case.

I wish I could be looking at him forever.

But...not that I want to ruin the moment but, it was really late, and windy.

Not the best time to look at each other for hours.

After a certain amount of time, Spencer had been the one to briefly break contact, before maintaining it once again, but with a different emotion plastered on his face this time.

“I’m sorry for...before, I panicked and I-”

Okay, here goes nothing.

“I don’t want you to go yet.” I admitted. “That's kind of the reason...I said and did that too. I wanted to kiss you but, it was also to feel you close a bit more, a four hour date wasn’t enough and I don’t think it’ll ever be.”

He seemed surprised at my confession.

Just say something, I hate it when there’s a blank.

Especially when I just said this to you.

“...if you want me to stay, just tell me.” He said. “I’ll be here as long as you’ll have me, as long as you want. Even for a whole week, a month, hell- forever, let’s be crazy.”

“You’d do that?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I?”

“I just feel like I would be bothering you.”

“You’re not. I’m actually happy to get to stay more. It’s not bothersome at all, on the contrary. I’m happy to stay.”

I’m happy too.

“Thanks for that. I really...appreciate it.” I admitted.

“The pleasure’s mine.”

“Wow, you’re playing it ‘gentleman-like’ now?”

“I guess so. I would also say it can be because I’ve seen a bit too much of Miraculous Ladybug when I was babysitting kids. Cat Noir’s nice.”

“You know lines of Cat Noir?”

“Yeah, I picked up a few one.”

“Really? You’re gonna say them all the time now?”

“Of course, my lady.”

“I’m never gonna get used to that. It’s weird hearing you say that.”

“But it’s romantic, there’s a lot in the TV shows you watch. The characters do that too.”

“But you’re not one of the characters, you’re Spencer Reid. You’re yourself. You don’t need to throw Cat Noir lines to charm me or something. Just you...is enough.”

“You sound like ladybug...and also Marinette.”

“We’re kind of them- well- kind of, as what we deal with isn’t...close to a kid’s show, but, we save people.”

“Oh, we should-”

“No, I’m not dressing up as ladybug for halloween.”

“...can’t say I didn’t try.”

“There’s no way I’m dressing up in a suit-” I argued.

“We would have been equal, I’d be in one too.”

“I’m not doing it-”

“...guess I’ll have to come up with something else then.”

“Yeah. We have at least six months to think about it so...that’s enough for me, I guess.”

“It’s short. We’re gonna end up one week before.” He complained.

“Stop worrying about that- just get inside with me, it’s getting cold.”

“I could give you my sweater and jacket, I don’t mind.”

“Just- get inside Reid.”

“I was joking!”

“Sure you do. Do you think I’d stay outside for another hour?”

“I just thought it was because you were cold-”

“I’m gonna check if you don’t have a fever when we get up- you’re out of your mind.”

“I’m perfectly fine.”

“Nah, you’re a bit tired, from what you said.”

“I didn’t actually mean it.”

“Sure, let’s get you to bed, grandpa.”

"I'm 32-"

"So?"

"I don't see why you call me grandpa."

"You don't have the reference? The meme, you know?"

"No, I don't."

"You're disappointing, Reid."

“Is it going to get worse in later seasons? It’s too calm.” Spencer pointed out.

“Uh...possibly. Season one is pretty calm, not- entirely, but...okay compared to later ones. There’s a lot going on in Supernatural, and it gets pretty hard when you get attached to the characters. The writers like to hurt us.”

“They’re taking all of the pain of the fans on twitter as inspiration.”

I snorted. “I’m really starting to wonder if it’s not the case at this point.”

“I noticed they tend to do that at the end of seasons too. They throw in a cliffhanger where you think that the character is going to die, and then, they make you wait months...just to show they had a scratch on the arm.” He explained.

“It’s true...they did that a lot of times. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen after season one though. I bet it’s only going to get worse.”

“Probably. I bet they won’t be extra nice with letting them live peacefully.”

“You…” I stopped in my sentence, yawning. “...said it. Sorry- I’m a bit tired.” I said, rubbing my eyes.

"Oh you should probably- go to bed, yeah. I'll leave the bed to you, you know."

"Why would you sleep on the couch?"

"Uh...well, uh...I don't know."

"We're sleeping in the same bed, it's not the end of the world."

"...are you uh- sure?"

"I guess. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

“I just figured that...it’d be sort of embarrassing, or even awkward for you.”

“I don’t get why it would be, it’s okay. Plus, you deserve to sleep comfortably if you’re tired as well.”

“Okay, then.”

I paused for a bit, thinking about a detail. “...It’s probably stupid to ask, but...which side do you usually prefer? Just so that, there aren't any problems if you sleep on a specific one, you know.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be taking you side or anything, as you said, if you prefer a specific...one.”

“Why did you think I asked? And, in case we prefer the same, we’ll just settle on one, that's all I can think of.”

“...it wasn’t stupid to ask though.” Spencer reassured.

“Really? I...it’s not everyday that I ask that kind of stuff, especially as this situation doesn’t happen everyday. But, at least, I can say that I’ve already done it. It’s...something.”

“Yeah, same. It’s just...I don’t know, what would you call it?”

“Half stupid, half nice? I have no idea as well.” I admitted.

“...we can just leave it there, we’ll never find it.”

“True- Are you coming, or doing a whole routine like drinking water, going to the bathroom, tidying up everything, checking mails and all of the possible stuff that you could do?”

“Do you really think I could be doing that?”

“Kind of. Wouldn’t be surprising if you were doing that. But I’d say it’s a waste of time, if it’s 10PM, you end up going at 11:30 something. The least I’d do would be...water and bathroom. But again- I won’t criticize, it’s fine with me. Just don’t make hella noise.” I detailed.

“I just...check mails...a lot, yeah. Also uh...I make sure everything is ready in case we get called in so I don’t rush; so, I do a lot of stuff. But as if it’s a calm week, I guess I can skip getting the bag ready, and probably mails as I answer them later.”

“That’s...good to know at least. Less stress before going to bed.”

“Kind of. I tend to do all of the stuff I forget all day at night, which causes me to do a lot of stuff, being afraid that they won’t be done on time, so...it’s nice to have less stress.”

“Really nice after what you said.” I pointed out. “Are you sure you’re okay though? We’re only sharing a bed, it isn’t the end of the world, if that’s the thing that bothers you.”

“No, you’re not….it isn’t- It’s not the problem. I just, never really...did it, and...I have no idea why I’m stressing over that. It’s kind of stupid as we’re just gonna sleep.”

“You’ll be out like a light in two minutes Spence, it won’t be a problem if that’s what stresses you out. Also, it kind of is...the feeling you can’t describe, and me neither. It’s like...stress, awkwardness, a mix, you know.”

“Exactly, it’s kind of that.” He agreed.

“Didn't know we were thinking the same about that. Well, I guess we’ll see. We should go before it’s too late.”

“Yeah, we...probably should.”

“Relax up a bit. Just chill.”

“I’m perfectly relaxed.” He argued.

“No you’re not. Stop lying, I don’t even need to profile you to know. You’re like a balloon ready to explode.”

“I really don’t see what you’re talking about, y/n.” He muttered.

“Did anyone tell you that you’re very convincing? Turns out they were lying, genius.”

“I think I’m the one freaking out now.” I admitted, out of the blue.

“I’m not really freaking out anymore. I guess I gave all of my stress away to you.”

“It’s quite thoughtful, thanks.”

“Maybe you’re just hot, who knows. I’m fine on my side.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not hot, it was freezing cold outside, so it is inside. I know when it’s hot and when it’s not.”

“Uh then...try to take deep breaths? I don’t know what you could do.”

Why don’t you try to be less handsome, huh?

“I think it’s the awkwardness and stress mix kicking in, as I said earlier.”

“Do you want to talk for a bit? Maybe it’ll calm you down.”

“Sure, why not.” I agreed, turning to the other side to face him.

That guy has to realize that his face is what’s distracting me.

“What did you think about today?” He asked.

“It was...really fun. Quite more than I expected I think. I guess I’d be down for other ones.”

“I can’t guarantee I’m not going to slide one or two essays in it though.”

“I’m fine with it. You know listening to you...never bothered me. I don’t think it’ll ever bore me. Who doesn’t like a few facts?”

“Even when it’s all about science or pagan rituals? The cop looked at me weirdly and even asked what kind of doctor I was. Someone else had to talk to revive the conversation.”

You bet, not everyone’s used to it.

“I do remember that one. You looked pretty...proud about it when you finished the sentence. I swear that I would have revived it first or would have kept going. I know a bit about it. What did you say to creep him out?”

“I think that...there was candle wax on the tree, and I said the usual stuff, as a matter of fact, it was used to protect the birth day celebrants from demons, and that the celebration got rejected by Christianity as a pagan ritual’. That’s when he asked.”

That totally explains.

“It wasn’t embarrassing, don’t worry. He just...wasn’t used to that. That almost happens with every new person you meet. I’m out of the ‘almost’ I guess. I was surprised, but got kind of interested.”

“Again, that was surprising. Not everyone would have reacted like you did. I know the others try not to hurt me and listen to it until it’s enough.”

“It’s distracting sometimes, you can always keep going. But not too late, 2AM essays aren’t my thing. Sleeping at 2AM is.”

Getting to sleep at 2AM doesn’t even matter anymore, I’m just glad to be able to sleep.

“I’ll try then.”

“You better.” I warned, pulling my jacket closer to my body as I felt a few chills.

His gaze hadn’t left my figure, hence, he noticed. “...you’re still cold?”

“A bit, I guess.”

“Do you uh...want to...get closer?”

“If you don’t mind, I don’t know. I don’t want it to be embarrassing.”

“It’s not, I swear. I just don’t want you to freeze, I guess.” He admitted, raising one of his arms.

“Okay, thanks.” I slowly got closer, not wanting to invade too much.

“I said you could get closer, that is barely closer than before. Come here.” He pointed out, which I responded to with a sigh as my head ended up resting against his chest. “I told you it wasn’t weird.”

“I thought it’d be for you.” I answered.

“It’s not...anymore. It’s actually fine...now that you’re here.”

“...really? You were kind of stressed about it just a bit ago.”

“Don’t remind me, it’s embarrassing again now. Do as your brain is a computer and delete the file.”

You’re the computer, I’m not.

“It’s fun when you react like that, why would I stop?”

“That’s offending.”

“You, offended? I don’t think so. You don’t sound like it, you’re acting.”

“That hurted my feelings even more, I think my heart might die because of such cruelty. You should be careful with your words, my lady.”

“You’re starting to look like Cat Noir. It’s cheesy. I didn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“Maybe I am Cat Noir, who knows.”

“Guess you’re gonna have to give back your power, you’re not supposed to say it.”

That shows how many nights I’ve spent babysitting kids, especially Matt’s, they watch it way too much.

“Never said I was.”

I kind of wish you were, it’d be fun to see you in that costume.

“Spencer, you sound like him now. You’re definitely him, can’t change my mind about that.”

“I just sound like him, doesn’t mean I am.”

“I have the last word, stop.”

“Okay, I’m stopping. But you have to sleep first, I’m not sleeping until you’re asleep.”

“...bossy.” I spat.

“I’m taking care of you, I’m not bossy.”

“...what’ver.”

“Whatever, right.” Spencer repeated, hesitating for a bit before putting his lips on my forehead, softly kissing it a few times. “I totally agree with you.”

“Mhm.” I lazily said, growing a bit more tired.

“Good night, y/n.”

Nothing much had been planned for today; so when I had woken up, I really didn’t need to feel stressed about rushing into work as most of it would only be paperwork.

Spencer was still asleep. He had stirred up a bit when I stood up, but it didn’t wake him much. He was sleeping as a baby, even when I accidentally banged my foot against a shelf, nothing woke him up.

I exited the room with a chuckle, heading to the kitchen aisle to fill up a glass of water; sitting on the counter when I had the glass in hand.

It wasn’t really late, just about 8AM, I could still head to work around 9 or 10 as our work hours were to be chosen by us when nothing urgent was to be done; but, the limit was still about 10AM, the hour to be chosen more freely was around the end of the day.

Too bad we can’t head in somewhere in the afternoon.

I hate that work just for that.

I slightly jumped from the counter, peering over the bedroom to see Spencer still sound asleep, only his position had changed.

As I looked in the room, his sweater had been messily put on one of the chairs in the corner, almost at the edge of it.

Time to make jokes and steal a sweater.

I slightly laughed, walking to the chair as I grabbed the sweater, heading back outside when I had the item in hand.

In a few seconds, I had put my head in the top hole, then my arms in the sleeves, arranging the sweater afterwards.

Good luck to get it back, Reid.

“Hey, did you-” Spencer asks, before putting his eyes on me. “Is that my sweater, or am I having hallucinations?”

“That is your sweater, indeed. You’re not hallucinating.”

“Is it being rude to ask why you’re wearing it?”

“I don’t know, I like it.”

“And...is it possible to get it back later?”

“Not sure….no.”

“At least you were clear.” Spencer chuckled, sitting on the couch as I joined him after a minute.

“Last night was really nice. I appreciated the forehead kisses.”

“I just...felt like it would be reassuring, glad to know that. I could do it often if you’d like to. I don’t mind.”

“Every night, no matter the situation. If we leave and don’t see each other for a few hours, forehead kisses, even if we don’t sleep at the other’s place, forehead kisses- basically every time we have to separate for a bit. But- you can also do it when we’re together, so...correction, all the time.”

“Gotcha, all the time.”

“I may give you back your sweater at some point if you keep your promise.”

“I don’t actually mind, you can keep it. Just tell me when you take my clothes so I don’t think that some alien stole my clothes in the night.”

“I’ll send you a text every time I’ll be taking one. You might receive a lot though…”

“Just try to leave two or three shirts and some pants so I don’t have to go out in the street naked.”

“I will- don’t worry.” I said, laughing.

“Too bad I can’t take yours in exchange. I’m not a fan of...tops.”

“You know what? That’s not a bad idea. I’m gonna take everything in your closet and only leave pants and that top. Thanks for the idea!” I thanked, getting up from the couch as he tried to catch me when I started to run.

At least now, I can’t say that I had a bad week.

It was better than expected;

For...probably the both of us.

If you liked this fic, let me know here!

#cm #cm fic #cm cbs #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfic #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #Criminal Minds Spencer Reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you

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makeupbychio · 4 years

Text

ily // C.H

pairing: Calum x Reader.

words: 2,3k.

warnings: fluff, a little bit of smut, swearing, spoilers about tv shows (Brooklyn 99 and Glee). English is not my first language.

a/n: I tried to do this genderless so I would love some feedback. Hope you like it, love y'all.

inspired by: a couple of shows that I watched during this quarantine.

It's a lovely and cozy night with Calum, whom cooked your favorite food and watching him during the process so dedicated to make it perfect like five stars restaurants made you looking at him with heart eyes the whole night. The tomato sauce was perfect and the pasta even more. You saw how he followed every single step of the recipe and refused you to help him.

After finishing dinner, you were enjoying red wine -the bottle is almost empty- and talking to him about everything and anything. He set the dining room with vanilla candles to make it more romantic. The warm lights lightly illuminating your faces was so charming.

Deeply inside you know that today it's been 4 months since you started dating, but Calum never brings topics like that or buys something every month and that's totally fine because you neither talk about it. He just surprises you with lovely details like this one in random days, not just when you have to celebrate something.

When he feels like it he does it. Sometimes he caught you off guard like that time he poured like two hundred sunflowers in your house just because, or when he bought you the coolest denim jacket when he was on tour and he said extra things like the jacket was made just for you. Or when he printed the pictures Andy took in a party you threw because he wanted to have them as memories not just in his phone. Also, you find cute when he is so excited to send you his playlists he does every month with his favorite songs -he also made a private playlist for you know, when you need privacy-.

Once finished dinner, you moved to the couch to start your nerd marathon of the shows you watch. He went to find a big blanket since it's cool outside due to the rain that's been going on for two days. He settled next to you and kissed your temple when you put your head on his chest and your hands on his ribcage.

"Come here, baby" Calum said wanting you closer.

"What's our mood today? Glee or Brooklyn 99?" you asked while you were concentrated on the TV screen searching for said shows.

“Both" you said at the same time. You explained how you can't wait to know what happens in the show. You agreed to watch Brooklyn 99 first and then Glee when you were cuddle in bed.

After finishing the Halloween heist chapter you were still laughing at Gina's funny surprises.

"Babe you would be the perfect Gina Linetti" Calum said when he stopped laughing.

"I'm going to take that as a really good compliment, what about you?" you asked him looking up to find his eyes.

"Hmm I don't know" Calum said confused. "We should take an online test to find out" he broke the cuddle position you both had in the couch to go find his computer.

"That's so Amy Santiago" you teased him while he was in another room. Then he came back showing you the electronic device.

He sat straight next to you again and searching for Buzzfeed quizzes related to the show.

"This one sounds pretty cool" he said focused on the screen and pointing the one he chose. While the link load slowly due to his weak WiFi signal you decided you will take the quiz first.

"K'" you said with the computer in your lap reading the questions and choosing the answers fast. "So this says I'm Gina Linetti externally and Amy Santiago internally". You read the caption under the results and it makes sense to you.

"I was right babe, now my turn" he said taking from you the computer. It was funny how he took this so seriously to the point he had his tongue out, a thing he does when he is working. Both of you kinda expected and not his results. "I'm Rosa Diaz externally and Jake Peralta internally".

"That's kinda sexy tho" you said biting your lip to refuse a giggle till you couldn't resist and start making fun of how bad ass but a puddle he is.

He stood up from the couch to lay against the wall with crossed arms looking at you how cute you looked all teasing him and also surprised with the results. "I can be the Jake Peralta to your Amy Santiago" he was now teasing you.

"Challenge accepted" you said before a moment of silence and Calum broke the ice.

"Oh gosh I love you so much" he said with all the emotion and then froze when he realized he said that out loud and not just inside his head. He waited for you to say something and as your surprised wide open eyes, he knew you weren't going to answer what he wanted.

"What?" you asked surprised, not to make him repeated the words but to confirm if it was reality.

"Don't worry, I'm going to take a shower before bed" he said quickly disappearing into the bathroom and took his shirt off. He felt so stupid, he tortured himself for a couple of minutes with thoughts like you don't feel the same way about him and how maybe that scared you and now you were going to run away. 'Stupid Cal' he said to himself before he decided to leave that for later.

In that short amount of minutes, in the other side of the room you were thinking about how he just threw the bomb at you with no warning. You felt bad that you didn't answer immediately, because you love him too but it was confusing how hours ago you were thinking about how he is not like that type of person to celebrate another month of your relationship or cheesy things but clearly he does. You thought how to fix this and your next move.

When you were about to knock the bathroom's door Calum surprised you opening it before your action. He was surprised too to find you inches apart from him.

"Jesus, y/n. Sorry, I thought you were still in the couch" he said when he stopped his rushing thoughts. "Are you okay?" asking if something happened or if you need something.

Calum was already with his shirt off and just with his jeans. You laid your fingers on his beautiful jaw to get him closer and kiss him.

"I love you too, Cal" you said looking up directly to his eyes, fingers still on his jaw and your lips barely touching his. You moved forward a little bit to get you both inside the bathroom so you can close the door. Your moves were slow and that made the intensity filled the room. You know, sexual tension.

You saw his sculpted tan back when he turned around to start the water. You bite your lip at the view. "Is Roy at home already?" you asked innocently him to be sure of something.

He laughed at you being cautious when multiple times before Roy definitely heard you both having sex. "I don't know, but that's cute from you to worry about my roommate's nightmares because of us" he was teasing you.

"Fuck you" you said realizing that the house is huge and that Roy's room is way far from where you were. So you can have an idea about how loud you have to be so he can hears you. Right now you don't care and at the same time hoping that Cal's roommate could be asleep.

You stepped closer to him and he couldn't resist it. It's not like he can't kiss you, he knows that he is allowed to that but he would kill for your kisses. He moved his head to reach your tinted cherry lips and started heating up rapidly the situation. He just cut the makeout session when you took off your shirt, then he removed the rest of his clothes to jump in into the shower. You bit your lip at the view and decided to join him so you took off your jeans too and stepped inside in underwear.

"Baby no! That combo is my fave" Calum said when your clothes got wet immediately because of the hot water. You laughed at his words like if he doesn't has a washing machine or a dryer. You laced your arms around his neck and kissed him under the water. "I've been holding this for a while and a lot of emotions and actions to show you how I feel but not anymore" he said and started to feel like he finally poured out what was stuck on his mind. "I wanted to tell you in a more romantic way than how I did it minutes ago watching Brooklyn 99, just pretend that we are outside under the rain so it could be more romantic like a Hollywood movie from the 50s" Calum said.

He rapidly interlaced both arms in the end of your back to keep your body close to his. You rested your arms around his neck and he went up a little bit with his hands to fight with your soaked bra and then took it off and throw it to the floor crossing the glass door. A cloud of steam was already formed because of the heat in the room.

Now just your panties were left but you were so focused tracing Calum's tattoos with your fingers while he admired you doing it. It gave him chills when you found his chest tattoo.

"I love your tattoo too, honey" he said with his hand moving down to the side of your left thigh where your tattoo is. Perfect time to lift you up and take off the last piece of clothes. Your legs around his waist and he got you holding you with his strong hands placed above your butt.

Calum laughed when you tried to hide your body. It was the first time you took a shower with him. But the only way to hide your body was pressing it harder against his.

From outside the shower your bodies seemed blurry because of the big amount of steam. That marks were erased when Calum lifted you up to hold your body against the wall, your legs were around his waist to give him better access.

Lust immediately filled your mind with the passionate kisses and how good felt when Cal pressed your body against the wall, still lifting you with his strong hands. God that hands and arms drive you crazy with his tattoos and notorious veins. Next he asked you for permission to fill your entrance, always making sure you were alright. You just nodded at him and he did it, your right arm so tight around the back of his neck and left hand holding against the glass leaving your handprint freshly.

You both failed at being quiet but the sound of water and the soundproofing walls gave you advantage. Words couldn't be found, just moans and kisses wherever you had access. Calum still holding you changed to another wall, now one hand holding you and the other pressed against the wall that gave him the balance and to keep pushing inside you.

"Calum, I'm close" you said whispering on his ear. He wanted to make you feel even better so he speed up his pace. The water was hitting Cal's back and was burning him with the marks you were leaving with your nails.

You tilted your head back when you reached your orgasm wanting to have your feet back on the floor and seconds later of friction he reached his edge too.

He pulled off and helped you to for real take a shower and clean the sweaty mess. Now the calm and tiredness hit you both once you left the bathroom ready to -do quite opposite like minutes ago- put comfy clothes and cuddle.

Calum dried your hair and you his. Once you put his baggy hoodie you jumped into the bed. You waited for him who was setting the heat for the house during the night.

While you watched Glee, with his head resting on your chest and stroking his curls, you thought about what he said earlier. Calum always sings the songs that he knows from the show and taps your skin gently at the beat of the music, and it's more than lovely to hear his beautiful voice.

“Babe, what did you mean when you said that you had been holding that for a while?” you asked him when the cast of the show ended the song they were performing. He looked up at you.

“Like a month ago we were watching Brooklyn 99 that chapter when Jake was in danger and Amy felt guilty because she never told him how she felt and that hit me” he spoke with all the honesty. You found that so cute and cheesy from him and it made sense to you because for a while he seemed that he wanted to say something important to you but you never asked or pushed him to do it.

You kissed his forehead and smiled at him. Before you both returned your attention to the show you said, “I love you”.

"I love you too" he said. "I think you would be a perfect Mercedes" he started again teasing you about the characters of the shows you watch together, you are going to get used to this.

You tried to break the closeness of his head in your chest because he knows that you don't have a beautiful talent and voice like Mercedes. "Ha ha very funny. So in that case you would be Sam?" you raised your brows at him because even when you love Sam, he's a player.

"I think we can only resolve this with a quizz" he said smirking at you.

#calum hood #ch #calum #calum hood blurb #calum blurb #ch blurb #calum x reader #calum hood x reader #ch x reader #5sos blurb #5 second of summer imagines #5 seconds of summer blurb #calum hood imagine #calum hood fic #calum hood fluff

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misslisterkeepsajournal · 3 years

Text

Thursday 13 March 1834

6 35/.. 12 1/2

Vc || N N L L P

fine morning Fahrenheit 56 1/2° at 7 35/.. at which hour went out - breakfast with my father at 8 1/2 - with John Booth moving flowers out of the garden -

Letter from Miss Walker 3 pp. [pages] and 2nd page crossed - I have so indulged her she has fidgetted herself at not hearing from me - sends me copy of her letter to Washington - there is one sentence so much too sharp, he will certainly not lay that to me - 'I am still in the mire about Lidgate' all she writes on the subject and enough - but, poor girl! I am getting over my annoyance she wants guiding and I must begin as I mean to go on or give her up at once -

came in at 1 20/.. a few mins. [minutes] with my aunt - Mr. and Mrs. Waterhouse and Mr. Musgrave called at 1 3/4 for above 1/2 hour - Mr. W- [Waterhouse] mentioned catalogue published by the widow of all Radcliffe's (Rouge Croix) Letters he had ever received and price at which they might be bought - 2 from my uncle and mine 2 guins. [guineas] - out again at 2 1/2 - came in at 3 and wrote and sent note to 'Jonathan Akroyde Esquire' compliments and finding Mark Town, who has applied to me for some land was still in Mr. Akroyde's service should feel much obliged to him to be so good as inform me whether he thought Mark Towne 'a man of high respectability, like to farm well and pay his rent regularly' Compliments in answer and greatest pleasure in informing me that Mark Town had been in his (Mr. A-'s [Akroyd's] employ several years, 'in the course of which Time I have found him to be a very sober industrious man' - no notice taken of farming well or paying rent -

dinner at 7 (out with John Booth planting flowers (rose trees &c.) Marian came to me while I finished dinner and had my coffee - Mark Town came before 8 and staid till 8 3/4 - Told him the questions I had asked and read him the answer - only 1 question out of the 4 answered - not enough - very sorry - the poor man very sorry and much disappointed - had agreed for £10 worth of lime at 16/. a dozen carting and all, and had spoken for manure meaning to begin farming immediately - said I would write Tomorrow to inquire of his present landlord Mr. Robert Edelstone (brother in law to Mr. Thomas Holmes) and if he Towne called again Tomorrow evening hoped to have a more favourable answer to give him - From 8 50/.. to 10 10/.. wrote and sent in box with several packages of biscuits and sweet cakes 1 page and ends of outside envelope to 'Miss Walker' and nearly 2 pp. [pages] of 1/2 sheet to Dr. Belcombe vide line 16 next page - went to my aunt at 10 1/4 for above 1/2 hour - read the newspaper till 11 50/.. and wrote the last 15 lines - fine day - Fahrenheit 57°. at 11 50/.. p.m. - Thomas too late for the coach office (night mail) but left the box (containing my packet Sarah's note biscuits and prospectus of history and antiquities of H-x [Halifax] - with Mr. Carr who promised it should go in the morning at 2 a.m. - my note to Dr. Belcombe merely to give the message from M- [Mariana] in her last letter about his writing to Miss Connell on the subject of little Mariana's headaches - to beg he would write by and by and that Harriet would not press Miss W-'s [Walker's] going to their great party on Monday -

my letter to Miss W- [Walker] written Tuesday yesterday and tonight 5 pp. [pages] and ends and 1 page and ends - wrote tonight

'I impatiently waited your answer about Lidgate - It is couched in less than one line, 'I am still in the mire about Lidgate' - enough - that incubus, indecision, must press on you no more - Had I been at your elbow, you would have been wiser - it cannot be just yet; therefore, leave the matter in statu quo for the present, and advertise house and land together next year Your letter to W- [Washington] was very good; but the remark about the Town's books would have been modified, had you been at Shibden' -

not to go to the Belcombes great party - had written to beg it might not be pressed - glad she made no apology for not calling sooner in the minster court - to decline evening visiting there - to begin anacharsis - this work worth a hundred times Croker's Life of Johnson and Crabbe's poems into the bargain -

'Write to me by Saturday's post without fail - I shall go on being indulgent; tho' what do you deserve for that sentence quoted at page 2 of my 2nd page? I had some reason to be annoyed; but we soon relent towards those we love - Good night! faithfully and affectionately yours AL-' -

Reference: SH:7/ML/E/17/0007

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #gentleman jack #1834 #ann walker

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awhilesince · 3 years

Text

Monday, 13 September 1824

7 50/60

1 35/60

Breakfast at 9 – Mrs Mackenzie came and sat with me 1/2 hour she is in doubt whether to stay here or not seemed to ask my advice and be inclined to stay if her father is pretty well I would not speak decidedly but was evidently in favour of her staying she has had much unhappiness married against her choice from convenience a man thirty years older than herself who made her unhappy tho she always tried to do her duty her daughter cleverer than she is and rather the upper hand it seems Mrs Mackenzies being so communicative struck me – Mrs Mackenzie gave me a ticket given to her by Mr Brande that will always admit me to the Jardin des Plantes – Miss Mackenzie, too, came in and sat with me a few minutes –

on this account, it was 12 before I had read over my 3 letters finished last night, and had no time to make any extract from them – they must be in the general post office Rue Jean Jacques Rousseau before 2, or could not be taken in today, and then there being no English post tomorrow, must have waited till Wednesday my letter to my aunt (begun on Wednesday, 3 pages, the ends, and under the turn-down) giving an account of my journey, my being very comfortable here, of Madame de B–‘s (Boyve’s) being handsome – of our sitting in the Tuileries gardens, and of the Champs Elysées, and of the fête at St. Germain gave an account of the shawls worn and their prices – excerpt this –

My letter to M– (Mariana) on the same subjects only giving a more regular account, rather journalwise, and adding short answers to M–‘s (Mariana’s) last letter – Merely said on the subject of Mrs Henry Stephen B–‘s (Belcombe’s) management of the going-to-York business, I did not understand it, but she and Steph had my best wishes – Entreated M– (Mariana) not to pother herself about Petergate money matters – Mrs B– (Belcombe) knew what she was, and would take care of the girls – I did not think Dr. B–‘s (Belcombe’s) practice could now be sold for much – he was not likely to be well enough to introduce anyone – but Steph’s name and kinship would serve him – affectionate to π (Mariana) kind about Miss Pattison but much more the former to Miss Maclean very much so to her tho anybody might see it perhaps she herself may muse over a line or two in the first page – Told both my aunt and M– (Mariana) and Miss Maclean of my having Madame Galvani, that she alone was worth coming to Paris for; and all my time – would be taken up in endeavoring to gain the French language –

my letter to Miss Maclean begun at Shibden Wednesday 18 August, resumed and finished yesterday – foolscap sheet 3 pages, long ends, and under the turn-down – very small and short – Treated of my journey being comfortable here, the Tuileries Champs Elysées fête of St. Germain etc etc very briefly – all the rest bavardage amical –

went out at 12 1/4 (took Cordingley with me) direct to the general post-office in the rue Jean Jacques Rousseau – put in my letter to my aunt (Shibden) 22 sols. and to ‘Mrs Lawton Lawton hall etc 22 sols. and to ‘Miss Maclean of Coll Tobermory North Britain (Ecosse)’ 28 sols because letters here are paid for according to their weight, and I had sealed this letter and wafered the 2 others – wafers always used here because lighter than sealing wax, and for the same reason the French choose thin writing paper – saw the man who took my letters, and those of the crowd standing round the wire grating of his bureau, weigh each letter in a pair of scales hanging close to him –

from the Post Office walked thro’ the halle au bles, and the church of St. Eustache for Cordingley to see them – then along the rue de Grenelle direct thro’ the palais of the Louvre to the Pont des Arts – crossed the Pont neuf, and returned over the Pont royal thro’ the Tuileries gardens and got home at 2 –

the porter gave me a letter charged only 5 sols (brought by some private conveyance –sent thro’ our ambassador) from Miss Maclean (Tobermory) – Oh! that I had had it before I went out –

on coming upstairs to Mrs Mackenzie to ask what they were going to do, found them going to the Louvre to try to see the exhibition there of the new (modern) pictures – done by living and I believe all French artists; for the King’s death was hourly expected, and all public places would be closed for 6 weeks – his majesty had taken leave of his family, and received extreme unction – the garde du corps to be changed – Monsieur the next King will go to St. Cloud, and there will be no fête there – what a stupid place, says everyone with one accord, will Paris be! Away we went to the Louvre – shut already, sans aucune exception, till further orders – Sauntered in the Tuileries gardens –

Got back at 4 – read my letter from Miss Maclean – very kind and affectionate – I know not any of her letters that has given me more pleasure – perhaps the receiving it here, might add to my delight – I shall keep and read it by way of stimulus for see the end of the crossing Breadalbane thought me ‘almost quite handsome at Esholt’ and Miss Maclean evidently likes and admires me visited by an old admirer ‘you once said you thought I would have been happier in the married state no no you are mistaken unless with a mind and he art like your own the married state would have been misery to me far happier as I am ‘ – see the bottom of page one – and the last end for the following after desiring continuation of the extracts from my journal ‘you know not how I was tormented at home about you Miss Bs (Belcombe’s) manner of speaking half did this she only poor soul jested but very little difference of manner in you would have made me dislike you at that time I believe it was mostly occasioned by a little tincture of jealousy at home’..... thought I to myself this lets me into much the Belcombes are no advantage to me I now really dislike Anne not tho on her own hearts account for she is good but for the disagreeableness of her manners I would not for worlds be thought a friend of her poor soul she too was jealous I guess the style in which she would mention me – Breadalbane by thinking me almost handsome at Esholt has perhaps got over her prejudices and and I may conciliate her perhaps entirely with a little care – she must have some idea of Miss Macls (Maclean’s) partiality for on the arrival of my letter she threw it into the room with ‘there be happy’ see the first page at the bottom of the second is the more than permission to write Sibbella Mrs Grieves would have been most happy to see me –

Miss Maclean inclosed me a letter from her niece Miss Hobart – I should fancy her a nice good hearted fashionable girl the superior cleverness I have somehow expected would not strike one from her letter she is in first rate nobility society evidently – I am to burn the letter at the end of the envelope is the following ‘I certainly do spend a good deal on dress but if I had all to buy I think I could manage very well surely a single woman can live very comfortably on nine hundred a year which I under stand I have at my disposal uncle Sullivan told me before I went to Paris as worth eighteen thousand pounds and rather more’ –

At the 4th page of Miss Hobart’s letter (dated ‘13th’ August)

‘Now as to your dear picture, your friend whose name I forgot is perfectly welcome to it now, I will with pleasure lend it for a short time, but you may tell her she is much more welcome now than at the horrible time you mention, for if I survive you, I shall not then spare it.’ –

Reading and musing over my letter till near 5, then came the Irish girl and another young person from Madame Romatier to try on my new gown – not only my stays, but my petticoats ill made (true enough) – French stays would cost 30 francs and upwards – such calico as my petticoats are made of, so strong and good, not to be got in Paris – the best I could get would be thinner and finer 5 francs an aune an aune wide tho’ this of mine was 1/3 in England this and 1/2 wide – it would take 3 or 4 aunes for a petticoat; and the making (at Madame R–‘s (Romatier’s)) would be 5 francs –

Dinner at 6 – A Mr Moore who would speak nothing but desperately bad French all the while made his debut at table – to stay for how long, I know not – does not dance now in England – does not like the present style of dancing in England except at Almacks – rather a would-be-prig – nothing great, methinks, ab origine and at home – Madame de B– (Boyve) would teach me Ecarté, and after a game or 2, set me down to play with Mr Moore (not for money) and I played with him (the better of the 2 I think) for surely about an hour –

In the evening had Monsieur Bellevue; a Swiss count, a handsome young man; Monsieur Denappe, and Monsieur St. Auban – after playing at finding out words and talking to 1 or other (have not sat next Madame de B– (Boyve) these 3 or 4 nights)

came up to bed (leaving the party) at 11 35/60 making memoranda of my accounts – read and mused over Miss Maclean’s letter – all much kept me up so late – Very fine day – the sun out – very warm – Fahrenheit 69° at 12 3/4 – [E two dots O two dots, marking discharge from venereal complaint] –

reference number: SH:7/ML/E/8/0042, SH:7/ML/E/8/0043

#annelistercodebreaker #annelister #missmaclean #misshobart #mariana #augustseptember1824

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skgway · 3 years

Text

1823 Aug., Tues. 5

In the stable etc. 1/2 hour – Read from page 71 to 83 on “the letters and life of Ninon de l’Enclos” volume 8 (No. [numero] 15) Retrospective Review – I agree with the reviewer – some fastidious readers may possibly object to the publication of such an article thro’ such a medium –

Dissatisfied with several passages of the letter I wrote last night to M– [Mariana]. Wrote it over again in 3/4 hour in a hand so much less close, that in spite of the great deal left out, made it fill 3 pages and a few lines of crossing on the 2nd page – There seemed some appearance of annoyance and displeasure in my 1st letter which I entirely avoided in my 2nd –

Went down to breakfast at 9 40/60 – At 11 took George in the gig and set off to Haugh – Put a letter into the post for my uncle, and got to Haughend in 50 minutes – All the party at home with the addition of “Captain” Butler, a very grood sort of, vulgar, quondam Captain of an Indiaman – The young people did not appear till luncheon –

Sir John A– [Astley] franked my letters to Mrs. N[orcliffe] (Langton hall, Malton) to Miss Marsh (Micklegate York) and to M– [Mariana] (Lawton hall, Lawton, Cheshire) and they went in the Haughend letter bag in time for yesterday’s post – Nothing particular in the conversation way –

Sir John somehow or other inquired if I believed all Homer’s stories, or that there ever was such a place as Troy, or such a siege – I saw he had read Bryton or some sceptic on the subject and was very gentle in what I said in support of my historical creed – At last Sir John (after some flimsy observation) tried to shew that women were as much respected in ancient days as now – Briseis as much respected by Achilles, as wives were respected by their husbands now – Woman as well treated then as now – He (Sir John) would have treated lady A– [Astley] as well at that time as he does at this – I did not say much, not wishing to appear to have too much the better of the question argument for none said a word about it but ourselves, and Sir John is evidently looked up to as an oracle by them all, tho’ his responses will never set the Thames on fire by their wisdom –

He complimented his wife exceedingly – In fact, she is pretty enough, stylish enough, sensible enough, everything enough for him – Speaking of their place of family, she observed she “always thought the Astleys were an envied family in Wiltshire” “My dear” said he “they envy me for having got you” –

It is plain enough to me from their manners etc. etc. that they not exactly comme il faut with the Wiltshire county society – They have had the house in London that Sir Jacob Astley and his family had had, and many calls were therefore made upon them by mistake – They returned some – Were admitted at one house, the manners of the ladies shewed they were not expected, and the A– [Astley]s took their leave – A party was soon afterwards given by the family, and they (the A– [Astley]s) were not asked – They do not get on in London society – Nor as yet perhaps are they likely to do – Nor will Miss A– [Astley] even after “she has been presented” (at court) –

Lady A– [Astley] has not worldly nous enough to keep all these things to herself – Thinks Mrs. William Henry Rawson very ladylike, Ditto Mr. Christopher Rawson – The manners of the Society here suit the A– [Astley]s very well – Captain Butler it seems has had 1 or 2 premiums from the Doncaster society (I know nothing of this society) for feeding horses – Kept his draft-horses throughout the winter at 3/5 a head on chopt straw and line-seed – His saddle horses only cost him about 5/. [shillings] a week having nearly the same as the cart-horse with the addition of a little hay and corn –

Boils down the linseed to the consistence of cream – Perhaps about 2 quarts water to a pint of lineseed – Mixes this with their oats or chopt straw to a proper (a mashy?) consistence, and gives them as much as they will eat – A chopping machine at Doncaster 7 1/2 guineas – Try our horses with about 2 wine-glasses full of linseed at first – Merely pour on boiling water – and let the seed stand till it is mucilaginous –

This plan is good for feeding cattle – It is the way in which dealers fatten up horses – But it wont do for hunters, or horses from which speed is required – The linseed works away to greasy perspiration – Runs out of the anals like melted fat – They must have good hay and corn for speed – But cart-horses do uncommonly well on this food –

They all like Caradoc – Think him “a very likely horse” – His toes turn in a little: this is best for a gig-horse – If the toes turn at all outwards, the gig horse can scarcely ever keep his feet – He cannot hold up up hill and down –

Staid till about 3 – Called at Saville hill to ask Miss P– [Pickford] whether, when she called with me at Haughend, she meant to call on lady A– [Astley] or not – Not – Asked her to come to Shibden to see Caradoc’s long switch tail cut – She would meet me at the library in 1/2 hour –

At 4 1/4 – drove thro’ the town, past Northgate, and Crosshills, and turned up by Greenhill, stopt at Furnish’s, and got a pair of new reins 10/6 – Left George to drive the gig home from Northgate, and without going into the house, went to the library – Shewed Miss P– [Pickford] the article respecting Ninon de l’Enclos (vide the 1st line of today) and the points of Humour (vide page 79) – She agreed with the retrospective reviewers, and with me that the soldier and his chére amie was the best print –

She walked home with me to the top of our little lane, but must there return for the children who would come to meet her – We walked about on the top of the bank – My aunt joined us – She left us in about 20 minutes (at 6) –

We then walked to H–x [Halifax] – Miss P– [Pickford] returned with me up the old bank even to xxxxxx. I walked back again with her a little way up the Cunnery lane, when we met her party of children – 3 Wilcocks, 2 Paleys, and Miss Jones the governess, and we parted –

Our chief conversation about Miss Threlfall and my entreaties to see her last letter. Nothing could prevail till at last I asked if she feared its telling me anything I did not know before. On finding this the case, I said I would soon sooner move this fear by proving that I was not as still suspected in any degree of uncertainty.

I wondered she did not know this already, but I had wrapped up my meaning too much and she should now have it so clearly that no doubt could possibly remain in her mind. Upon this I said I considered her connection with her friend a marriage of souls and something more. That if they were on a visit and their friend provided them separate rooms it would be unnecessary and they would presently defeat this arrangement by being together.

Under other circumstances it would have been a wonder that with beauty fortune etc. etc. Miss Threlfall did not marry but now it was no wonder at all. Asked Miss P[ickford] if she now understood me thoroughly. She said yes. I said any would censure unqualifiedly but I did not. If it had been done from books and not from nature, the thing would have been different. Or if there had been any inconsistency first on one side of the question, then the other. But as it was, nature was the guide, and I had nothing to say there was no parallel between a case like this and the sixth satire of Juvenal. The one was artificial and inconsistent the other was the effect of nature and always consistent with itself.

At all events, said I, ‘you remember an early chapter of genesis and it is infinitely better than the thing alluded to there,’ meaning onanism. ‘This is surely comparatively unpardonable. There is no mutual affection to excuse it’. Miss P[ickford] did not say much but seemed satisfied.

‘Now,’ said I, ‘the difference between you and me is mine is theory. Yours practice. I am taught by books, you by nature. I am very warm in friendship, perhaps few or none. Moreso, my manners might mislead you, but but I do not in reality go beyond the utmost verge of friendship. Here my feelings stop. If they did not, you see from my whole manner and sentiments I should not care to own it. Now do you believe me?’ ‘Yes,’ said she, ‘I do.’

‘Alas,’ thought I to myself, ‘you are at last deceived completely.’ My conscience almost smote me but I thought of π [Mariana]. It is for her sake that I fisrt [first] thought of being, and that I am so deceitful to poor Pic, who trusts me so implicitly and at last turned no objection to my seeing the letter. I said perhaps there was not another in the world she could trust so safely. Perhaps not Miss Caroline Renouard, she was not read or liberal enough tto [to] think as I did. She would condemn unqualifiedly. Pick agreed.

I owned my manners might mislead people, particularly before I knew as much as I do now, before I read Lubinus’s Juvenal, before I first knew Miss Brown of whom she has heard reports. But now I knew how to be more careful. Yet still, my manners might mislead Miss Vrelfall [Threlfall]. She said, ‘yes they would’ –

I ended by saying I was now satisfied that she thoroughly understood me and that I had had an opportunity of telling her my sentiments, for she must often have wondered and not known what to make of me. We parted mutually satisfied, I musing on what had passed. I am now let into her secret and she forever barred from mine – Are there more Miss Pickfords in the world than I have before thought of –

Came in to dinner a little before 7 – Had ordered George to have the gig ready a little before 9 in the morning to go to Huddersfield to speak to Pontey about coming over to plan our new road to the house, etc. – But finding my uncle against it contrary to my expectation – (I had always thought all he said against it in joke) – I immediately countermanded the order very quietly determining never to mention the thing again – Nor to mention planting or otherwise improving the place –

I told my uncle very quietly I certainly would not teaze him any more on the subject; and I shall indeed change my mind, if I do – The thing absolutely did not annoy me at all – I immediately thought to myself, ‘perhaps it is best as it is – I incur no responsibility – etc. etc.’ Perhaps I may save my money in future instead of laying it out on the place and leave things as they are –

Barometer 1 3/4 degrees below changeable Fahrenheit 56º at 9 p.m. – Rainy morning till between 10 & 11, afterwards a shower or 2 which I escaped and otherwise a toleraby fine day i.e. fine afternoon and evening – Came upstairs at 10 25/60. E [two dots, treating venereal complaint] O [three dots, signifying much discharge] Missed washing just before dinner –

Miss Pickford called this morning and sat a little while with my aunt – She brought me Samouelle’s system of Entomology to read –

[sideways in margin] Major P– [Priestley], speaking of horses that went near the ground, called daisy-croppers – i.e. going so near the ground as to crop or strike off the tops of the daisies – Drove along the new road today for the 1st time

“the soldier and his chére amire“– Points of humour; illustrated by the designs of George Cruikshank [x]

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #shibden hall 1823 #frances pickford

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empty-dream · 4 years

Text

Just watched 13 Reasons Why S4

Ended up making a full blown commentary per episode because this is finally the last season and I’ve been enjoying this mess since S1. I even forgot that it was released until a friend brought it up to me. So in short,

Ep1

OKAY WHO DIES AGAIN HUH??

Clay, narrating: *I'm good at hiding shits so my parents don't notice at all." His parents: *concernedly looking at him pale and mushing food on the dining table*

The concequences of investigating murder cases and creating conspiracies instead of studying your ass off because it's a damn school really caught up huh.

Charlie holy shit I love you he's so chill and good.

It's been years I still can't believe Justin is really adopted by the Jensens. Funny that now the table is reversed, with Justin finally actually doing better and taking care of the increasingly-ill Clay.

SCOTT!! OH MY GOD! SCOTT REED!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA HOLY SHIIITTTTTTTTT AAAAAAAAA!!!

Wow my headcanon is approved, he already graduated by S3. No reason he didn't hang out with the gang after all the shits in S2 if he was no longer around in the first place.

He's still so nice even in Clay's trippy nightmare. Is that what Clay remembers about him? Well not really surprising, considering Scott actually was worried about him in S2.

Good god finally Clay meets a therapist- Wait a minute that's the guy from CSI:NY?!?! Isn't Clay just gonna get clobbered instead.

Okay I knew they are really close and I do adore their relationship so much but HOLY SHIT THEY ACTUALLY GO AT IT WITH ALEX AND ZACH???

Alex: *panicking over the kiss* Zach: Ayy don't worry let's just continue perhaps-suicidally hanging out on dangerous rooftops that you were almost fall to your death from. Alex: ????

Ep2

That narration of Clay ranting about college applications. I'll drink to that bruh.

Ya I too make my applications and other supposedly important matters at 3AM instead of any other more sensible time.

Oh my fucking god that is the creepiest smile I've ever see.

I feel like as Justin gets better and better with his life, Clay goes worse.

Justin is so excited about going to college! You deserve the future man.

The old-time stoners and drunkards are rehabbed or dead. Enter Zach.

Winston: *eyes and ears up to your shit 24/7*

Nobody likes Tyler in S1 but now everybody likes him.

Okay. Cops doing shit jobs at protecting. This feels too real with this situation right now.

Clay's adventure to put the trash into the trash bin.

Omg they got the paint to the lab this is going real CSI.

Idk about u but at this point I don't exactly want to pay attention to Jessica/Justin problems anymore.

I know Zach and Clay don't get along and that's why I need their adventure together.

Clay drunk-puking on Justin. Well well well how the turntables.

The return of Monet!!

"I have 2.8. If I work hard, I'll get 2.9" Winston omg same.

Tht held gaze between Alex and Winston.. Is this slow burn fanfiction???????

Yes Mr. CSI it will definitely get worse.

I know writing about your feelings can make you feel better but probably not in your college essay form.

Ep3

I'm starting to think Clay is the one who dies in the end? Idk tho.

I guess the toll of busting ass trying to save everyone by yourself is catastrophically high, huh, Clay? Funny that he now goes from 100 in S3 to 0 in here and that's actually realistic.

Alex and Winston are really pining each other with Zach in the background lmao.

"You don't wanna go on the Valentine Dance with me? Even as friends?" Well sometimes there are moments when you just don't go back to being friends. It's an actual normal thing.

And besides the last time Alex goes with Jess for something she wanna do, he ends up murdering somebody. So.

"Hey Zach. Hey punch me. Hey you pussy now? Hey hey. Bitch." *poke* *poke* *poke*

No Zach he's trying to save all of your asses. You can't just say that.

Charlie is really just there trying to do his best in this shitshow and like Justin I wanna laugh but also am proud.

Everyone: *being paranoid and unto each other* Alex and Winston: *having the date of their life*

I wish everyone doesn't have this level of trust issues but then again we won't have a shitstorm drama like this.

When did this become "what is love?" philosophy class?

"You know love but you love so fiercely and sometimes it hurts."Wow Mr. CSI you hit the mark.

How many parties can the Liberty High hold in a year?

"You go with Charlie to get back to Justin, right?" Wow Diego you HIT the mark.

I still have problems with Ani as a character, but I do like her casual banters with Clay.

You know, with all these trust issues, I'm surprised nobody actually tries to peek on other's phone. Like, I know that's low. But, you know, faster solution. And better than having mass hallucinations.

Oh God the football team really is a bunch of jerks. Good fucking thing Scott is outta here.

Alex and Winston almost die like couples in a cheap slasher movie.

"Fuck Love." Clay Jensen, 2019 (according to the movie timeline)

Ep4

Why is Charlie talking? Why is he wearing the football jersey? Who on earth dies?? Is it Zach? Justin? Somebody else from the football team? But the content of your speech man...

Ah yeah. Clay did survive a great big deal of many ugly shits. Single-handedly thanks to adrenaline, mostly.

Jess got a point tho. Ani could have followed Clay to stop him, by herself or with the gang. What did she do? She spied on Winston and Alex, and then went back to the dance. So much for handling anything themselves.

Or maybe, the gang shouldn't have let Ani and Clay take care of it themselves.

Does anybody in this show ever figure out Clay has dead people hallucinations?

Domestic Jensen family is my everything.

Charlie really out there bribing Zach with his homemade cookies I-

Ah yeah, I kinda forgot that in reality Alex and Winston have a really difficult situation. With Bryce and Monty stuff.

"Looking back on your time at Liberty, do you have any regrets?" Really? Isn't that all they have?

"Who do you trust most in your life and why?" Everybody: *immediately side-eyeing each other*

Clay c'mon wtf Justin is really just worried sick and trying to help you. Aaand he's gone.

Jess you don't put your hands into something without checking it first...

Why would you only send 2 adults to supervise 30-50 kids on a camping wildlife trip? They wouldn't be able to do shit.

"I thought you were a football player!" "I AM a football player! And so are YOU!" Gold.

Dream!Monty and Dream!Clay really sit like that and I almost laugh were it not for the fact that I do that too. It's strange to see that for once, they talk normally, heart-to-heart, without the usual snickering, chiding, all that venom.

Oh shit they really make Monty and Clay mirror each other like that. They both protect people they love but have tendencies to snap, one way or another.

Zach, dude, I know you've been a real good friend. But Alex almost died. Twice. Because of your drunken ways. And you laughed. Didn't you spend an entire season trying hard to not let him die again? What's wrong with you?

When did this become a horror movie?

The Standalls :((

CHARLIE MY MAN WITH HIS COOKIES. And incidentally, a wild Zach appears.

"So are we gonna fall apart or trust each other now!" Justin my man.

Clay dude that would have been an amazing entrance were it not for the fact you looked insane.

I can't fucking believe they just go normally at campfire like that. Two people almost died. Several got beaten. What the fuck.

Does it come from the bottom of your heart or it doubles as a threat, Clay?

Alex you had us at the first half not gonna lie.

GR A NO LA CA MP C O OKIES? ??

Wait. So who has been fucking around with the football team? Who moved Clay?? Huh??

Ep5

GUYS THERE IS A THING CALLED GPS ON THE PHONE?? What are you? 3?

Justin finally breaking down after 5 episodes being the most decent and healthy person around. Well Charlie is too but he's new, so.

Finally an obligatory meeting at Monet.

CYRUS AND THE PUNK GANG!!! God I love you guys where have you been. And you guys are computer geeks?!?!?! Perfect.

My question exactly, Clay. Good replies tho, Cy.

I'm still thinking how for a nerd, Clay knows A LOT of people and knows who to ask what.

"How am I even friends with you?" Ya Alex that's my question too. How are you suddenly bff with Zach? I don't remember you two being close in S1?

Hm. If you aren't holding his family at stake, there is no way Tony would even think to rat out.

Mr. CSI starts going CSI on Clay.

I almost forgot Charlie's last name is St. George. The cast goes by Charlie mostly so.

Justin really shows up at the party with the angry mom pose and disappointed look at Clay. The turntable, people. Flynn's voice got raspy.

Oh no no Clay you don't go there. Please don't split my Jensen-Foley brothers like that. Meanwhile the punk gang be like just watching there.

C O O KI E S??? Goddamn Charlie do you bring cookies everywhere you go??

Charlie my boy you T_T I was kinda suprised that the cookie baking actually had a sad backstory.

Clay-Zach bonding that I fucking wish for oh yeah. I definitely didn't expect it with piano and drunk singing tho.

While Clay is having the time of his life, Tony is seeing life flashes in his eyes.

Yassss he winssss!!!!

Caleb's expression when the sherrif hugs him lmfao

Nice try Sherrif but Tony knows your tricks.

"What of any of this is okay?" Wow things you'd never hear Justin says in S1.

Meanwhile, Charlie and Alex are high on weed cookies as fuck. Their conversation is the most interesting thing I've seen beside the Scott cameo till now.

The look on Justin's face when Clay pushes him :((

MY DUDES HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT JEFF'S DEATH? WHAT HE WAS ACCUSED FOR?! You do not, under any circumstances, drive drunk.

Ep6

Clay be spitting truth.

They really be discussing Clay's chronic hero syndrome huh.

Okay. Operation Clay-Zach failed.

Weren't Zach all fuck it all yeah! kinda guy? Guess when you are the one who faces death it's not that fun anymore huh.

"One Clay Jensen is enough" Jess truth.

Do Alex and Charlie really study Spanish in front of Tony who is not helping at all? That would be embarrassing lmao.

Clay: Fuck off. Hallucination!Monty: *sits next to him*

Gotta hand it to Timothy Granaderos. He could go venomous to puppy eyed in 1 second. Amazing.

Man. School shootings are fucked up. There are many things I wonder about mankind and one of them is why is school shooting even possible?

Hallucination!Bryce: Hi I’m sorry I’m late. I hear this is time for Clay’s dead people hallucination party.

"Are you a hero or a martyr?" Wow they really throw the question.

And here is Clay sitting under the desk between his two most hated dead people hallucinations whispering moral dilemmas to him.

Meanwhile Winston and Zach got high.

Charlie helping Alex to breath.

The talk with Estella and Tyler.

"No offense, you are cool, but I don't wanna die with you." Zach chill lmao.

Are.. Are you sure outing that to Winston is a good call, Zach? For a guy who was super paranoid that his gang would narc him, he sure is loose mouthed himself.

I like how everyone from Tyler to Zach to Winston, admits that Alex is a really kind guy.

Wow Tony did you really expect anyone could do anything in that situation, in fucking Evergreen situation, for that matter?

Charlie is a great friend wow.

Cl-CLAY DON'T GO OUT that is EXACTLY what you are NOT supposed to do!!!

Goddamnit Clay. Holy shit Clay.

Dylan Minnette really worked hard in this scene.

.......... WAIT A MINUTE IT'S NOW ACTUALLY CHARLIE ALEX????? Tony be just walking in.

Ep7

Clay really got into a psych ward. Talk about darkest hour. And it’s only ep 6?

Wow Ty that's some brave lines.

Which hallucination-induced person is Clay talking to before Ani gets there?

Ok that therapy session made me tear up.

These kids are having college interviews at the worst time possible. They are all fucking breaking down one way or another.

And Charlie just, really never gives up on Alex huh.

What's most important to Clay is his friends. Real quick to answer that question huh.

God Justin lashing out at the Jensens. It's the first time he does it and it hurts.

Zach holy fuck. I appreciate you didn't out it but holy fuck you didn't have to do that are you trying to die

Clay-Tony combo is back baby I miss them so much. Although perhaps Tony you would mind a bit about Clay's health because clearly he was out of it.

This is so short. I too really don't like application essays and interviews and the inevitable revisit of the sadder parts of my life because of them.

Ep8

When did this become sci-fi apocalyptic story?

God I miss the time when Clay's dreams are just Inception-styled trippy shit with Scott randomly says hello and gets him water.

Okay. Everyone's got their own way to cope with existential and moral crisis huh.

You know what, I would like one movie out of this sci-fi dream.

I knew it Tyler was a bait to smoke out illegal gun dealers. Is that... An okay thing to do for a high schooler? Sounds fucked up, all things considered.

Yaaay Justin's got the college! I'm super happy!

Wow Estella good question.

Wow Tyler good statement. If they trust each other a bit more, everything would have been a bit better.

Ah shit. Justin relapses again.

Does Tony need to be pummelled first before he finally goes all off to finish his opponent or what?

Is this going Big Brother Is Watching

What the fuck. That locker fight scene is disgusting.

Jess and Clay might throw shades at each other but together they share one brain cell.

"I think it's a walkout, Sir" Tyler lmao

Wow Zach and Alex heart-to-heart.

Cyrus really steps on some pedestal to make his point.

Aaand Zach and Alex really go all out on "doing it right" huh.

They really have students vs cops riot at this time. Talk about timing.

It's nice to see the punk gang enjoying the fighting again.

Dude what happens if you don't have anything on your bag tho.

Aaaah the punk gang with Tyler again!!

"Why are you with me and not with Charlie?" Zach ouch that hurts.

Zach no no no Zach get out of there too Zach pls

Clay really becomes 2nd in command to Jess huh.

Charlie tries to save Clay but gets whacked on the head instead.

Tony you came back!! Oh so that college scout was.. Oh.

Oh shit Clay. Oh. Shit. I should have realized that. Goddamn.

Ep9

"I like sleep." Charlie me too.

God Alex and Charlie literally sleep together jaldjwaownaljewoalsj that some cute shit.

Wow Clay really takes Mr. CSI's advice to round up the gang and confesses. That's a step.

Charlie sometimes has a good idea, huh.

The Jensens meeting is probably the reason why the idea of parenthood scares me.

Also Clay and Justin really put the practice of "tell the parents the less-harsh-but-still-harsh truth, then ask them to get prom back" by the book. And it's awkward.

Aww Charlie coming out to his dad and the response he gets... When you put the rich fams like Dempseys, Walkers and Saint Georges together, the last one is really the only healthy one huh.

Way to go Jess!

Ah I forgot Alex has an older brother.

Aaaahhh Charlie has dinner with the Standalls! Their reaction is so sweet!

"Does he make you happy?" "Yeah. A lot." AHDKWJWOAKDUWLAOEL I mean after everything that has happened to Alex, man I am so happy he can say that with a fond smile.

WHAT THE FUCK HAHAHAHHA CHARLIE WHAT THE FUCK HOLY SHIT LMFAO I THOUGHT THIS WAS JUST AN TRIPPY ANIMATED IMAGINATION THING and Alex is so done with his extra shit.

Wow Ani you do karaoke good, asking Jess out even better.

OH MY GOD IT ESCALATED. Also Alex is right that one is creepy Charlie.

I thought by special doughnut Caleb means some diet-related stuff fit to Tony's menu for fighting. Why didn't I expect a literal Will You Go To Prom doughnuts?

CHARLIE PLEASE STOP AHAHAHAHA you dumb rich kid where did you get all those lamps and prop candles.

"Would you love me any less?" Aww Clay knows Justin loves him.

"You three all look adorable" Ya Jess, same.

Tony really out there doing the "I'm here because he's here" to Caleb.

Clay, Alex, and Charlie be like judging Zach hard.

Oh right that one kid from Cyrus's gang is gay and he brought his boyfriend!

Zach: You two sitting here like it's a funeral. Also Zach: *proceeds to continue sitting as well*

"We deserve to live." Finally something from Zach's mouth that I can agree for this season.

I love that Tony and Caleb are such good friends to Clay.

And now it's Winston turn for dead people hallucination.

..... The door to the other side again.. :'''((

CHARLIE AND ALEX WON THE PROM KINGS AAAAAAHHHHHH I mean with all those extra efforts, it'd be hard to not to. And there goes Alex finally giving in to dance.

I don't like Luke the football guy when he's the enemy but I like him when he's a friend. He's a hype man lmao.

Alex I'm so happy for you man. I'm glad you are finally happy. My heart was tight at the dance part .

Everyone: *dances* Clay: *sits there, monologuing philosophically*

I like that Clay and Ani finally being honest that they don't fit each other romantically. As romance goes there is not much romantic tension between them. And they have way too many flawed traits that when paired, would turn the relationship sour and possibly toxic in the end.

Justin do u like to show up and make everyone step aside for you or what.

I like that Clay was just watching from a distance. Then at last minute decided to join the crowd with his mother, whom he had a few trust issues with in all seasons.

Charlie: "Foundry's gay?!" Alex: "Mind's blown" Me: Same.

There has been nothing wrong going on in one episode, aside from the Zach one that's timely stopped by Charlie and Alex. I'm suspicious.

Ah. Yes. Of course.

Oh my god Justin's the one dead huh?

Ep10

Oh thank God he hasn't died. Yet.

Oh God Justin no. No no no.

Get your shit together Zach. Even Charlie tells you that.

No no no not like this not after everything oh god.

Somebody would you actually please run after Clay too.

Oh my god Clay.

Oh my god Alex you. Even when he admits it to Winston, he still covers for Jess. I- oh god.

It's been only 15 minutes and it hurts.

Charlie and Alex, the moms of the group.

You know, for a guy who says he doesn't love Justin, Alex gives a lot of shit about him. I guess you can still be around people you don't like?

I know the kiss is huge news Charlie but that's not the issue here lmao.

Zach: *hugs Clay* Clay: ????? Alex and Charlie: ?????? Zach: *pats Tyler's head* *leans on Clay*

The Padillas :''')

Clay Jensen. Class speaker. Wow.

Yeah Mr. CSI's voice is really calm, rather chilling, actually.

"You've looked at death too many times for a young person." Damn right Mr. Jensen.

Ah so that's the reason why Zach stole that letter. Makes sense, emotionally.

You know, I did say Idc anymore about Justin/Jessica problems but when it gets to this point, I can't not care.

So many people come to the hospital...

Clay and Justin's talk. I'm sorry I can't hold it in anymore. I'm fucking sobbing at this moment.

He's dead. He's dead. He's dead just like his mom. But he died not in the same way. He died holding his bro's hand. He died surrounded by his family. He died with people who loved him around.

"After everything, this is how it ends." Fucck

DID HE HAVE TO DIE??? DID JUSTIN FOLEY-JENSEN HAVE TO DIE?? Did you really have to put yet another sucker punch in the last episode of the season?? Yeah I know real kids and people do die from AIDS but really? After a whole season of Clay screaming kids wants to live to the point he lost his mind???

I spent the entire funeral screen crying. I couldn't even scream again when Scott is present in the funeral. I know he'd be there but god I can't right now.

Mr. CSI sure knows super effective ways to make Clay react.

"If Justin's dead, the none of the rest of it matters. " Clay..

He opens up.

Oh yeah I forgot Charlie is a junior.

AAAA COURTNEY AND RYAN ARE HERE!!! I MISS YOU GUYS!!!!!

SCOTTTTT!!!!!! And CHLOE TOO!! It’s nice that they come together. But they aren’t like, together, right? I mean if he is her boyfriend she would say his name right away to Zach instead of a mere ‘would you like to meet him? He’s outside.’

These 4 are such good friends to attend their friends’ graduation ceremony.

The punk guys in toga are so... Refreshing to look. Such hype men.

"It's easy to hate. It's easy to fear. It's goddamn hard to love. But it's not optional. It's essential." Jessica Davis, everybody.

Jeff, Hannah and Justin really died in the span of 2 years. Add to that is Bryce and Monty, whose deaths left uncountable traumas on top of existing traumas. Yeah. It was hellish time.

Scott’s proud small smile when Clay gives his speech. Im love.

"Choose to live. Even on the worst day, life is a pretty spectacular thing." Clay Jensen, everybody.

Ma boi Zach really teared up at Clay's speech.

Luke and one of the punk kids talking about some geek thing I am not familiar with I-

“No offense Luke. You’ve got great arm but you haven’t been known for your brain.” PETER That BURNS LMAO

Poor Winston just being alone. OH HELLO RYAN YOU ARE FAST.

Zach is gonna study music! Nice foreshadowing since he plays a lot of music this season.

Clay having a gratitude moment with his parents and Scott be like munching cupcakes in the background.

Oh god Hannah ...

Wow the old tape gang is here!! The nostalgia hurts.

They bury the tapes on the same hill again asdfwosaiofai.

Kinda salty Sheri and Scott aren’t here. But then again I guess back then Scott was just helping Clay and co when he could and mostly minding his own business. HOWEVER isn’t Sheri like in the tape and pretty prominent too :(( Like she was really cool with Clay (despite the whole guilt over Jeff), tried to make amends and really helped with the polaroid cases.

Also you can't just insert Scott in Clay's dream and then not have them interact in the end. The dream was such a perfect bait. Like we know at least they apparently get along well.

Everything in Jessica’s final conversation with her Bryce hallucination. Everything in it.

Ryan: “Gordon Lightfoot?” Ha Ryan you miss a whole lot of drama.

Fuck I'm tearing up again at Justin's essay. He deadass makes an entire essay about Clay and how he is his savior I-

Oh my god they end it exactly like S1 with Tony and Clay riding away. They are really each other’s ride or die.

That’s it. It’s over. It’s been a long trainwreck. So the 2019 class graduates, so does Justin, they are doing uni right now and keeping in touch with everyone. Bye.

#13 reasons why #13 reasons why season 4 #random saying

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wasalwaysagreatpickle · 4 years

Text

Tuesday 6 September 1831

6 3/..

12 5/..

My cousin came on getting up

Fahrenheit 66˚ and thickish fine autumn morning at 7 – settled with Cordingley and George - breakfast at 7 3/4 – talking to my father, and waited near 1/4 hour for him – took him in the carriage and off to Halifax –

Got to Mr Parker’s at 10 1/2 – had in 1st Mr Charles Robinson, Washington thinks the draining will cost £20 – Mr Parker read aloud his lease – executed – signed by both parties – then came the other messers Robinson father and sons Thomas and George – the mill had been given up this morning and the partnership dissolved I suppose just now, at Mr Parker’s office – said what I had said before to Thomas Robinson when he called here – George Robinson to be the tenant the rent to be £100 instead of £50 per annum – a strict running lease from year to year, but would make no difficulties – no objections to any agreement among themselves – should be happy to do anything to serve them all – the new lease to be dated 10 November next – wished to do everything that was honourable – no advantage should be taken of the giving up of the mill before the time – Old Robinson at last so satisfied, that he held out his hand, and, on my going away (at 12) shook mine, and said ‘Honour – You’ve nothing but honour’ – thank you, said I, that’s all I wish –

Left my father to walk home and drove to the bank – Mr Rawson unluckily just gone out – desired Thwaite to give my compliments and say I was going very early on Monday morning and begged him to hurry the mans (Mark Wilcock) coming to beg pardon – to let me have a little notice – I wished to have Mr Sunderland if possible and one or 2 more present, and to make the thing as imposing as possible for example’s sake and all our sakes –

Then got £150 in bills and cash – called but the Saltmarshes out – then to the vicarage – Mrs Musgrave out – Sat 10 minutes with the vicar – the church to be consecrated on the 22nd instant to Saint James, neither older nor younger particularized – the deeds made out now – too late to make the older now – If Mr Musgrave thought my 2 seats would be better one seat nearer to the pulpit, begged him to change them for I had just been at Whitley’s and he had mentioned the possibility of them being better a bit-farther from the Sunday school children – hoped Mr Musgrave would occasionally call on my aunt, and be so good as administer the sacrament to her and her maid about twice a year – he would with pleasure – very civil –

Then called on my aunt’s account on Mrs Abbot, and then on the Miss Ralphs and Mrs Briggs the banker’s wife for about 1/4 hour each, and for about 120 minutes each one Mrs William Rawson, and Mrs Veitch and Mrs Catherine Rawson all at home – and spoke to Percy the coach maker – paid for my aunt’s Bath wheel chair 8 guineas, and would take £10 for the gig (he out of the £12 he had a chance of getting for it to have £1 and George £1), the money to be paid on Saturday if as I thought his customer was inclined to agree –

Then drove to Stony Royde – Mrs Rawson much better than yesterday but had just dined and was going to lie down so did not see her – then to Wellhead at 2 3/4 – sent the horses to bait – stayed dinner – (dinner about 3 1/2) – Told Mr W- he and I always very good friends, I had made my will and left him and Mr William Priestley executors understanding that he would act, saying Mr William Priestley was a very good partner – good deal of talk about roads etc. he will come on Thursday morning to go with me to look at Godley Road and see my new foot path thro’ Wellroyde Wood –

Whether the people get an act for a rail road from Manchester to Leeds or not, our navigation will pay as it does for 4 or 5 years to come – some very knowing rich men at Todmarden think the rail road wont pay, and they wont increase their present subscriptions which are not large, and the thing cannot go on without the subscribers come forward tho’ attorneys and engineers are anxious to get the bill – the rail road from Manchester to Liverpool only pays 6 percent and it is the passengers which do that for the company loses on goods which they carry at 10/. a ton – the canal used to carry at 15/. but the rail road company began at 10/. saying that was a beginning they might lower still more - but such are the expenses of rail roads that the company is petitioning the navigation to raise the dues again for carriage per rail road at 10/. per ton does not pay – is a losing concern – thus Marian’s information of paying 14 percent is incorrect – If I wished to have anything to do with rail roads better wait till people begin to tire of the [specimen] and then buy at a discount –

Coffee on leaving the dining room and off from Wellhead at 5 55/.. the vicar and his wife and her sister Ann coming to tea – sorry I could not stay – Off to Pye nest – sat 25 minutes with Mr and Mrs Edwards – very civil – never saw Mrs Edwards more comfortably so – their son Henry gone on hurried tour to Italy with a Mr and Mrs Litchfield (heard at Haugh end he was to return by Lisbon) – then to mill house – about as long with Mrs William Henry Rawson and one of her daughters (all very glad to see me) and then to Haugh end for 35 minutes – found Mrs [Henry Priestley] and Mr Salisbury P- [Priestley] and a vulgarish friend from the South (Miss Larken) at tea – played the agreeable much more to their amusement apparently than really to my own, and at home in an hour at 9 1/4 –

Had a basin of soup – sat talking 3/4 hour tête à tête to my aunt and came to my room at 10 1/2 – very fine day – Fahrenheit 64˚ at 11 3/4 p.m. read over draft of George Robinson’s lease of the mill – counted over money etc.

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #1831

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wrotetheaboveoftoday · 4 years

Text

1828 Sun. 7 September (3/3)

Third letter of the day, this one to Mariana

Anxious about M- [Mariana]’s health - wish to hear oftener than usual - hope to be off on or about the 20th but of this she shall hear further by and by when I see how we go on - begin tomorrow to take down the hall wall - ‘have written to Miss McL- [MacLean] to take a little more time then till the 6th or 7th of October for meeting her in London’ Isabella can say nothing - ‘we have got another room upstairs in Paris .... and, as it were, another servant too’ - Mrs. D- Duffin says, the N-s [Norcliffes] expected this week or next - ‘How shall I be off going to L- [Lawton] for 2 or 3 days?’ Mention having got a Doublefente Cafetiére, and roaster for her supposing Mr. C.L- [Charles Lawton] to like coffee -

Determined to take Martha, if my aunt does not object - can I take her with me to Lawton, or must she be left here till I return; for return I must for 2 or 3 days - M- must dress her up for me - heartily glad they have given up the festival - Mr. John L-’s [Lawton]’s conduct

“passing strange - he must little know the parties he has to deal with, if he can fancy, for a moment, such conduct likely to do him any good - But do you seem to take as little notice of it, as you can - leave the gentlemen to settle it - your shewing any impatience, can profit nothing - Mr. Williams will, of course, advise Mr. C. L- [Charles Lawton] what to do - I will not enter more largely on the subject now, as I shall see you so soon”

Mention having heard from Miss Pickford and that she is bound for north and south Italy and Germany felt a little pain in my back so lay down at two and three quarters for an hour dozed but not slept I had this pain last sunday monday and tuesday a little and it then went off - Lay down for an hour at 2 3/4 - then from 3 3/4 to 5 1/4 wrote all but the first 6 lines of today - at 5 1/2 was just closing my letters when Cordingley brought in a small round deal box from Lawton containing 2 partridges and 27 peaches, and 4 pp. pages and one end

Pi [Mariana] in very low spirits Lou cannot spend the winter with her now if this is the case I believe I must go for two months of it tat least to Scarbro for indeed I cannot spend it here alone ...... My spirits are so completely shattered that I am not fit to be left much to myself I do all I can to struggle against lowness but spite of myself it daily increases and I am sure my mind if not my life will be sacrificed if I have such another winter as the last - M- wishes we would take the Pattisons’ house or the Salmons:

“Either I think would suit you, the air is good and healthy, your aunt would have as much society as she liked, you might have - for 2 or 3 days at anytime and you might be from home as much as you pleased, for your aunt might then either be here or I with her, or at all rates I should see her most days, and you would not be far from Shibden - it has been my daydream and nightdream for some time past”

Poor Pi [Mariana] said I to myself I am not what I used to be You might have your own for two or three days etc. Would not repay me for my liberty and being near Shibden is what I would avoid but afterwards mused a little upon delta [Charles] letting us have the place rent free but ah thought I we are better where we are it would be humdrum and stupid and I could not leave England Pi [Mariana] could not now make up to me for all this besides the expense of the thing - sat down immediately and erased the 2 first pp. pages of my paper - (she had been discomposed by C-’s [Charles]’ great wish and determination to go to the festival tho’ she had written to give it up) - said their going to the festival would not make her lose any of my society - might perhaps be better not to go at all till I had got all done - if I had gone on the 20th must have returned here - must go too, probably for 2 or 3 days to Langton - bade her cheer up - I would think of all she wished, but she must help me to think whether the spring plan could be put in execution or not - on this, too, must much depend my own plans

At all rates, not to go to Scarbro’ for 2 months - this would eat up all proper leave of absence - She must write soon, and tell me her opinions candidly about the Spring plan (her going to Italy with me) - whatever they might be, I would continue - my wits had never yet forsaken me in time of need, why should they now? I would almost move heaven and earth to gain her as far as possible all that would suit her best - go to the festival with a good grace, and a light heart - I should now be better satisfied to have her there - If Lou could not spend the winter with her, not to mind - I would try to manage, and make up to her for it - only to cheer up - this all I asked at present - would send the pattern chemise tomorrow or Tuesday - should like to have one dozen chemises exactly like the pattern

Poor Pi [Mariana] the thought struck me to send Miss MacLean to her I must think about all this when shall I get back to Paris again off what will be the end of all this - Dressed - went down to dinner at 6 3/4 - sealed and sent off at 7 my letter to ‘Mrs Lawton, Lawton hall, Lawton Cheshire’ and to ‘Miss McL- [MacLean] of Coll, Coll house, Aross, N.B.’ and my note to Mrs. Wilcock, Saville hill - Kind, civil Note from Mrs. Wilcock she had written to Geneva - meant to have written to Vienna, but after what I wrote will wait to hear from Miss P- [Pickford] again - would have been very glad to see me - in fact, knows no more than I do - my father read aloud 1 of Mr. Knight’s sermons - from 9 to 9 50/60 wrote the whole of this page but the 1st 8 lines - Rainy morning - fine day from about 11 a.m. to night - came to my room at 10 10/60 having been downstairs 20 minutes

(in margin, halfway up page)

my fath[e]r and I calculat[in]g taxes aft[e]r din[ner] for

2 horses - 4.14.6 3 horses -5.14.0

2 manserv[an]ts - 13.0.0 3 serv[an]ts - 7.6.3

2 carriages - 3.2.0 House duty at £40 rent and upw[ar]ds, p[e]r ann[um] 2/10 in the [k[i]nd] = pay[in]g £100 a y[ea]r rent nearly £15 per ann[um]

25 windows - 7.14.3

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #1828 #mariana lawton

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anne-lister-adventures · 4 years

Text

Monday, 10 March 1840

4 50/’’

11 1/2

All ready at 5 25/’’ then a little breakfast (our own little boiler no pother of Semovar) – Reaumur 7 1/2º on our table – The room coldish – 2 cups of tea and breakfast over in 10 minutes – And from the Kopanowskaia at 6 – A little village - Counted a group of 19 Calmuck tents (Kibitkas) –

Descend upon the Volga – The wood (vide line 12 last p.[page]) was, as today, large old pollard willows on large sandbanks and islands of the Volga – Looking like a forest in the distance and in fact it is willow-forest the trees being often sufficiently thick on the ground to leave little room for anything else, tho’ we found cattle straying among them –

At 7 25/’’ turned up from the river to the land-road – Very fine morning – At the Little gorod of J-[Jenotaiewsk] at 8 35/’’ – The servants Kibitka a few minutes en retard – We had arrived so much sooner than I expected thought going another stage before breakfast – But the next Station said to be such a poor little place where we could not breakfast that determined to breakfast here – The good-looking new (wood) house it seemed belonged to a seigneur – Nothing to be had there –

Set off to another place in the Gorod – Having just walked round the white handsome church at some distance (opposite) our Station – This the Cathedral! Another neat church besides this – This a clocher with 4 style portico – Nave – And the church (all 3 adjoining) a large circle gathered up in 2 retiring steps to the size of the domes, with North and South entrance by 2 style porch and pediment – all the roof metal plates painted green –

The Jenotaiewsk cathedral c. 1910.

One of the nicest neatest little Gorod churches we have seen – 4 or 5 wind mills close to the town (right) on entering, and (left) on entering in a wide sort of 1/2 formed square the cathedral – And not far from this a neat good building for Town’s business, Court House – Nice little villagy town –

We had 3 or 4 minutes walk to chez ‘le seigneiur’ the Maître de Poste a German Russian – Arrived 2 months ago – His wife and daughters at St. P-[Petersburg] the Postmaster at Astrakhan going to Kazan (as Postmaster) and our friend anxious to succeed him at A-[Astrakhan] would not stay here at any price – Nobody to speak to – No parti for his daughters – All Calmuck – The ladies could not read or write and on my mentioning the common waste of manure, he said here they did worse than pile it on the riverside to be washed away – They laid it in the Town – and the smell was offensive in summer –

Emolument 500/- per annum – There might be other revenues but un homme comme il faut could not take them – Better appointments and a good house at Astrakhan for the Postmaster – Trade very bad there now – Nothing but the fishery – Nothing to be had but Moscow things – The Persian trade all goes to Tiflis now – They have a grant of it free of duty for 10 years – Several rich merchants there – And a large new hotel that cost 10000/- 5 storeys High – On the Koura – Kept by an Armenian, Chadinoff – Prince Volkonsky had spoken of it to our host –

Could not tell what we should pay there – But had before recommended a house (no hotel where one can dine at Astrakhan) at A-[Astrakhan] kept by a French whose wife is a German where we should lodge and board (very good table) for a Silver Ruble a day! Nobody no company there (at the house) now – How will this turn out? This was told at 1st when he asked what affaires we had at A-[Astrakhan] and fancied it might be the wife of a Naval Officer (English) who had been 10 years there in the Russian Marine (ship building) and did not wish to engage for another 10, and was afraid of his wife passing him on the road, as she was to join him there – But he should wait for her at Moscow –

Our host had been 6 years prisoner in England – Had surrendered to the English par préférance instead of to the French at Lisbon after the Russian Turkish War (in 1808?) – Prisoner at Portsmouth but had visited Chatham, London &c. &c. apparently on parole – Liked England very much – The Russian prisoners very well treated there – Had been at Tiflis – Lost a nephew 2 months in the Circassian War – Nothing but patience will do with these people –

Must ask at A-[Astrakhan] to have an escort – Dangerous about Kisliar – The couriers never take money that way – Always by Tcherkask and Stavropol – No danger in passing the Kabardas – Always an escort – Recommended us to be there by moonlight – Very fine – As if one was in a hole so surrounded by mountains – The best time for passing is January – The sooner we get there the better or we may be inconvenienced I suppose by the melting the snows – I got no answer I think to my inquire if there were avalanches –

He said we might be 16 or 18 hours on horseback in getting thro’ from one Station to another – Sure we never saw such a road – A Germany colony a few v.[versts] from Tiflis that we ought to see – We should find Germans French and English there and all sorts of Persian things &c. &c. to be got there –

Gave the Courier the address of the people at A-[Astrakhan] and gave him an a letter for the Calmuck Prince and for horses to take there tomorrow – Our carriage Kibitka too heavy – Had best take a light Traineau de Poste but said we must have 3 horses and ourselves and the 2 Russians (Courier and George) could go –

The Prince was in the campaign in France in 1814 – His sister (that Lord Royston saw) married unhappily – Married a Calmuck – The Prince very rich – Would half kill his servants if they took anything – I must not pay anything – He speaks French – Is très comme il faut –

Cannot sleep at Zamianowskaya, so that if we cannot arrive in time at Libajouskaya had best return and sleep a 2d. night at Soroglazinskaya where we shall sleep tonight, the encampent being on 12 v.[versts] from there across the river – The Prince has a good house – Pity we did not arrive in time for the great religious fête 3 weeks ago when he had 80 people staying in his house – Begged I might give the servant of our host and left with himself a 30 Kopek Silver piece – Probably the master not the maid would take it – And I might have given more – Probably a 1/2 Silver Rouble would have been better –

Off at 10 3/4 – Descend immediately upon the Volga till 11 50/’’ then seem to leave it and go along the land-road (the summer road) – Had my door open for some while – Drive over ice – And large sandbanks and islands covered with large old pollarded willows – A Deciatine, said our Maître de Poste (who 1st addressed us in English) = 80 x 30 fathoms of 2 English yards = 4800 yards something less than an acre = 4840 yards – A-[Ann] had slept and I had slept and read which beguiled the slowness of our progress –

2 35/’’ when we reached Kosikinskaya – Little cottage-like log house Station House but we might have had a nice enough little room to ourselves and might have breakfasted as to room quite as comfortably as we did chez ‘le seigneur’ whose Semovar had lost its cheminée (long ∴[therefore] in boiling and we had to get our own cheminée) and there was nobody in the little Gorod to mend it – Our host gets all his provisions from Tamboff 700 v.[versts] off (I think he said 700 v.[versts]) –

At K-[Kosikinskaya] neat little painted broad church – Needle-pointed clocher – Nave – And church part 8tagon[octagon] as well as the clocher – The village small and shabbyish – 2 or 3 Calmuck tents in the courtyard (farm yard) opposite our Station House – The Post stables merely of wattled (wicker) walls, flat roofed and hay piled stackwise on the top – Royston crows in abundance hopping about – Quite tame and with them several magpies – The guide post marks 115 v.[versts] to A-[Astrakhan] Read a great deal this morning –

Schnitzler vol.[volume] 2 on the origin of the Calmucks and Tatars, and vol.[volume] 1 from p.[page] 169 to 217 chapter 6 and then on arriving at the Station at 4, Soroglazinskaya, finding the house full of people – Could not be taken in, drove off with one horse to our present quarters – And en route finished the remaining p.[page] or 2 of chapter 6 and alighted here at 4 20/’’ – One nice enough room – Soon made ourselves comfortable – And went out at 4 40/’’ for an hour to the neat church which A-[Ann] sketched –

Sent off the Courier to the Calmuc Prince with A-‘s[Ann’s] card and mine and compliments and we would be chez lui about 10 tomorrow a.m. – They say here, he has 2 brothers at St. P-[Petersburg] one a Captain in the Grenadier Guard – Has a large village about him, and a school for his people – Some have cottages and some tents (Kibitkas of felt) – The river is close to the village here just below it – And all seems sandy desert around – Bare of snow here and there – But they say there is good pasture land at a little distance – Some Calmuck tents here, one in each of several farm yards – But they say, these people do not stay here, but live in the woods to the westward – Several good wood cottages and houses here – A good, picturesque village in long line above the Volga – All the people very civil in taking off the hats as we pass – Wrote all the above of today till tea at 8 in 1/2 hour –

The village the property of the people – Cossacks – Free – The farm yard full of sheep a mixed breed between Calmuck and not ∴[therefore] some with the short fat tails and some not and some with the long small tail of English sheep – A good sheep will weigh fit for the butcher 2 poods (40 Russian lbs.[pounds] or 36 English lbs.[pounds]+ = 72 English lbs.[pounds]) and sell for 8/- horses from 40/- to 100/- and cows about 40/- - a fat cow = from 8 to 16 poods and the fat animal worth about 7/- or rather more per pood –

Had just written so far at 8 40/’’ p.m. very fine day Reaumur -15º dehors at 6 a.m. and +7 1/2º in our room at 5 1/2 a.m. Had the Courier in – To be chez le Prince at 11 a.m. tomorrow – Had Domna – Undressed – A thorough wash –

1st 1/2+ Volga 6 to 8 35/’’ Kopanowskaya to Jenotaiewsk (Gorod) 30

ditto ditto ditto 10 3/4 to 2 35/’’ J-[Jenotaiewsk] to Kosikinskaya 25 1/2

all on Volga 2 55/’’ to 4 K-[Kosikinskaya] to Soroglazinskaya 24 1/2

Some of Anne’s and Ann’s stops in little towns along the Volga.

[symbols in the margin of the page:] + 𐐥

[in the margin of the page:] Reaumur -15º at 6 a.m. dehors

[in the margin of the page:] Jenotaiewsk

Page References: SH:7/ML/E/24/0038 and SH:7/ML/E/24/0039 and SH:7/ML/E/0040

#anne lister code breaker #anne lister #ann walker #moscow to baku 1840

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