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8thhousemomfriend · 3 years

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The signs at their worst

Today my Pisces guy friend questioned why there was such a bad stereotype surrounding Pisces men. I said correlations have been collected. Then it got me thinking about how I would sum up the epitome of a bad pisces and/or their bad qualities. Then I thought about how many people also hate cancers.. and also hate every other sign for one reason or another. And so this post is born. Sorry for being a bitch ily. Starting w pisces bc they were my inspiration <3 Also idk it’s not unique but I had fun

Pisces at their worst: a passive aggressive pathological liar with both a victim complex and raging superiority complex. Won’t stand up for themselves then complains about it. And won’t shut the fuck up about their acid trip. It’s not that unique but I’m glad you have empathy now ig

Aries at their worst: so angry and self centered they actually become 10x dumber. Extremely selfish and grandiose self image. Will be just straight up mean, and pick on you like a 3rd grade bully lol. The type to take out all of their past aggression from the past 10 years on you because you said they cooked the pasta for too long

Taurus at their worst: a gluttonous lazy fuck watching hentai with cheeto puff dust all over their face. Still thinks they have the right to the highest standard in a partner, and the right to critique others looks in great detail

Gemini at their worst: I’m so sorry but a fake bitch that won’t shut the fuck up. Zero empathy, purposefully not reading the room because they want to talk in order to hide from their inner worlds and escape responsibilities

Cancer at their worst: boring self pitying lazy bitch who’s not gonna tell you what they need. Will go cold on you in an instant because of a micro expression. Playing too uwu and innocent for no fucking reason like stop. Thinks they’re different then other cancers and isn’t

Leo at their worst: Fake superficial hoe that can shoot the nastiest looks you’ve ever seen. Incredibly obvious fragile shield of self importance and self respect. Really they’re going out every night and are broke bc they spent all their money on Shein and alcohol

Virgo at their worst: the most annoying mother fucking nitpickers. Will hyper focus on tiny mistakes in your grammar and make it huge deal for some reason instead of just admitting they’re wrong… or even worse, that you’re right. If you make them angry, these are the people that will actually destroy you and turn heartless. They see everything about you. Very obvious god complex that reflects feeling extremely unworthy on a core level

Libra at their worst: like gemini, the fakest most plastic snakes ever. Even more fake then gemini. Because they’ll sugar coat and patronize you the entire time they’re pretending to like you. The most stalker-y paranoid people I’ve met. Will actually think you’re a bad gross person bc you didn’t blend your foundation onto your neck.

Scorpio at their worst: straight up rude nasty and mean. Just cruel. Will intentionally radiate the darkest meanest energy towards you. Will not talk to you. Will talk shit. Very stereotypical mean person things but taken to the next level. Def will try to destroy you mentally

Sagittarius at their worst: faux clown. Pretending to be oblivious to their asshole behavior by writing it off as honest and ‘a joke’ non thinkers that will plunge themselves into parties and drugs and then literally roast you when you ask why their rent is three weeks late. Just go to fucking therapy

Capricorn at their worst: boring and judgmental. Idk. Just like boring mean people that do coke and think they’re better than you because in five years they’ve planned to have a house, 2.5 kids, a dog, and veneers. Will bypass all morals to be number one in a system that doesn’t matter, and doesn’t give a single fuck about them

Aquarius at their worst: has the audacity to be annoying and pretentious when they’re literally a gamer. Thinks they’re unique because they watched a video about the pineal gland and draws star freckles on their face with eyeliner. Refuses to bring themselves down to earth and make connections in order to protect their god complex but will complain about being alone… and then when people reach out they stay ghosting

All roasts welcome in the comments <3 let’s be mean

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kumeko · 3 years

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Title: goodbye my hopeless dream

A/N: For the Sylvgrid BB, for watercolorvigilante’s heartbreaking work. I love the angst of separating the Faerghus Four.

Summary: Five years ago, Sylvain had thought they could fix it all. That they could bring Dimitri to the Alliance, that they could end the war and save everyone. Yet…Felix lay face down, Ingrid sobbing on her knees, and Dimitri frozen forever mid snarl. He wasn’t sure how he could pick the pieces up after this, but he had to try.

…

Something was burning. Sylvain stuck his lance in the dirt carelessly, ignoring every lesson he’d ever learned about proper weapon care, and closed his eyes. Something was burning. Possibly someone, the air was full of fat and smoke and his throat grew drier with every breath. There were dozens of small fires nearby, the only outcome in the middle of a battlefield, where mages scorched the earth and fiery arrows rained down on their ashes.

He opened his eyes. Before him spread a war-torn field, survivors picking dragging themselves off the fields and to their respective armies. Something bitter filled his mouth as he saw the bodies strewn across the field, blood pooling in the mud. Crows cawed as they perched on bare trees, their beady eyes taking in the field, and vultures circled above as they eyed their food.

Five years ago, the Battle of Lion and Eagle had been nothing like this. Five years ago, they had all been just kids fighting for bragging rights and victory letters to send home, for stories to seduce strangers and that shiny glory that had seemed all too important at the time.

Five years ago, he had been in with the Kingdom, not the Alliance. Now his Golden Deer family were scattered across the field, helping each other back. The Empire was long gone, Edelgard leaving behind the wounded and the dead alike. The Kingdom was torn apart, shredded into pieces. And Dimitri…

Sylvain shivered at the memory. The one-eyed, raging monster he’d seen hours ago hadn’t been any friend he’d known. The only thing that had motivated him was a long-nursed hatred, one that Sylvain hadn’t seen for all the years he’d known him.

Or maybe he had avoided seeing it, just like how he was now avoiding the dead spread around him, trying not to look at their faces. He didn’t want to see another classmate he used to sneak out with, another beauty he’d flirted with in the shadows.

He was certain Ingrid was doing the exact opposite. She’d always had a masochist streak and unlike him was probably all too intent on memorizing every person she’d killed.

Sylvain looked up. It had been hours since he’d seen her Pegasus. “Ingrid?”

Dread filled him and he yanked his lance out of the dirt. This was Ingrid he was thinking of. She was unkillable. Even Felix’s hardest glares and Sylvain’s worst lies hadn’t done the job.

“It’ll be fine,” he muttered. Whistling, he waited impatiently for his steed to gallop over. His horse’s silken mane was matted in blood and dirt. Grabbing the saddle, Sylvain slung himself over. “I bet I look just as bad,” he murmured, patting his horse’s neck once before squeezing his thighs. “When we find Ingrid, I’ll make sure she gives you her special mixture.”

His horse nickered and quickly trotted through the field. Sylvain scanned his surroundings as they moved, searching for the pure white Pegasus or even just Ingrid’s blonde hair. As he looked, he avoided checking the bodies, refused to check the bodies.

There was no need.

Ingrid wouldn’t be lying in the dirt like that. Not after all the times she’d yelled at him for his slovenly room.

Instead of blonde, he spotted pink. He turned his head.

Ingrid would have stopped.

Sylvain gritted his teeth and guided his horse across the field. A tired, limping Hilda looked up blearily. With her stockings torn, hair awry, and a nasty cut along her chest, she looked as bad as he felt. She even dragged her axe instead of carrying it. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He slipped off his horse, wrapping an arm around her waist as he helped her out of the ditch. “You’ve looked better.”

“I’d say you’ve looked worse, but that’s a lie.” Hilda grinned crookedly as she leaned on him. She felt impossibly small, nothing at all like the mischievous woman who was Claude’s right hand. “Glad you made it.”

“Me too.” Sylvain swallowed. “Did you see Ingrid?”

He held his breath as she frowned and shook her head. “No…not for a while.” Noticing his face, Hilda squeezed his arm reassuringly. “I’m sure she’s fine. She’s a strong bitch.”

Sylvain couldn’t laugh at the old joke. They’d exchanged it many times after Ingrid had scolded them or knocked them on their asses during practice. “She’s really strong.” His voice came out more of a whisper than he’d intended.

“The strongest,” she agreed, pulling away. Leaning on her axe, she patted his back. “You go find her.”

Sylvain hesitated. “Your chest—”

“Needs Marianne’s loving attention,” Hilda interrupted, winking. Though, with the dirt streaked on her cheeks and her pale skin, she didn’t look half as flirty as she acted. “I can make it back from here.” She forced herself to stand a little straighter but for all her acting, she couldn’t hide her wince. “Who knows, maybe Ingrid’s there already. She’ll be too busy nursing me to health to take care of you.”

Hilda waggled her brows. He wanted to smile but he couldn’t muster the energy.

Ingrid would have helped her regardless.

For all of her faith in him, he’d never been half as good as she’d hoped and not even a quarter as good as she was. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, letting his guilt and fear chase him as he vaulted onto his horse once more, spurring it through the field as though death itself were after them.

Hilda wasn’t critically injured, at least. She could stand and she could joke and one of the others would find her in no time. They’d laugh about it later and she’d tease that he had tunnel vision when it came to Ingrid. The dense idiot that she was, Ingrid wouldn’t understand until maybe years down the road, when he told her everything.

He clenched his fist. “Ingrid? INGRID!”

The only response were the grunts and moans as other survivors crawled, hoping someone, anyone could come to their rescue. He’d save them all after he found Ingrid. He’d personally pick them up, carry them to Flayn and Manuela. He’d even wrap their bandages himself.

He just had to find Ingrid first.

“Sylvain!”

A familiar gold caught his eye, and for a moment Sylvain thought Ingrid before realizing it was Claude’s torn cloak. He pulled his reins tight, heels digging into his horse as he came to a stop just beside the tired leader. Byleth wasn’t by his side for once. Maybe she was out there, picking up her former students.

Maybe she’d already found Hilda.

“Claude.” Sylvain tried to smile. It came out like a grimace. “Have you seen Ingrid?”

“Straight to the point, huh?” Claude chuckled wryly, pulling his gloves off his fingers. His arms had small burns on them, the attacks of enemy mages, and Sylvain tried not to think how much that must have hurt as he loosed arrow after arrow. “No, not yet.”

“Hilda’s that way,” Sylvain blurted out, unable to stop himself. He jabbed over his shoulder. “She’ll need help.”

“Oh.” Claude blinked, resting his hand on the flank of Sylvain’s horse as he looked. His dragon wasn’t with him. Sylvain tried not to wonder why. “I’ll get her then. Thanks.”

They stood there a moment, neither of them moving. Sylvain’s horse panted, nostrils flaring as he caught his breath.

“I…I didn’t think it’d end like this,” Claude admitted quietly, barely audible over the wind. “Edelgard…I knew she wouldn’t listen, but Dimitri?”

It was like a gut punch, remembering Dimitri. When he and Ingrid had heard Dimitri had survived his execution, they’d sworn to bring him over to Claude’s side. Dimitri had been a reasonable person, after all. He should have been reasonable now.

Goddess, why hadn’t he been reasonable now? Sylvain thought, looking away. “I thought he’d come around.”

“Me too. We could have avoided so much…” Claude trailed off. It wasn’t like simple bloodshed could describe everything they’d experienced here today.

“Maybe next time,” Sylvain croaked, licking his chapped lips nervously. The air was still far too dry. It was hard to breathe. “We can talk to Dimitri again. Maybe after he’s had time to calm down.”

Claude snapped his head to him, his expression unreadable. After a few, heart-pounding seconds, he pointed to his left. “Is that a Pegasus?”

Immediately, Sylvain jerked his head up. Further up the hill, almost at the treeline, he could just make out a white horse. A pure white horse, sitting on the ground.

It had to be a Pegasus. It had to be Ingrid’s. He squeezed his thighs, urging his horse into a gallop as he hastily shouted, “Thanks!”

He really did have tunnel vision. Sylvain couldn’t tell anyone, even himself, how he got to Ingrid, what the route was like, anything really. He just kept his eyes fixed on the white horse, watched as its sides became wings and the saddle on its back took on the familiar markings of Ingrid’s. There was no blood on it, as far as he could tell, no injuries at all aside from a few ruffled feathers.

That was good, right? It must have been tired after the long fight. Maybe Ingrid was letting it rest before heading to camp. “Ingrid?” he called out as he reached, jumping off his horse without even waiting for a response.

The silence worried him. She wasn’t beside her steed and she’d never abandon her partner. “Where is she?” he murmured, patting her Pegasus’s nose. Her partner whickered, turning to his right and further up the hill. A bright green cloak stood out amongst the bushes, a familiar coil of blonde braided hair crowning it.

Ingrid.

She was kneeling next to someone. He could just make out their legs, still and unmoving. Of course, she was taking care of an injured solider, the bleeding heart she was. He’d bet the farm that she hadn’t even thought to look for him before doing that.

And if she was doing that, she couldn’t be that injured. Sighing with relief, he jogged to her. “There you are.”

Ingrid looked over her shoulder, cheeks stained with tears. “Sylvain,” she rasped, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for—” He couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe after he saw Dimitri lying in front of her. His chest squeezed and he stumbled the final few steps to her side.

Unlike the raging man he’d seen hours ago, Dimitri was utterly still and calm as he lay there. His bright, blue eye stared unseeing at the sky, his mouth half-open as though mid-way through a roar. Ingrid whimpered and Sylvain stared at the lance stuck in Dimitri’s chest.

Luin.

Bile rose in his throat and Sylvain barely crawled forward more than a few steps before he vomited in the bushes. Oh no. Oh no no no. He could just picture it now. Dimitri and Ingrid. And Felix—Sylvain couldn’t stop himself before he looked for a familiar fur-lined jacket.

There was a sword in his hand. He’d died as he’d lived. Sylvain vomited again.

“It’s my fault,” Ingrid sobbed, curling into herself. “I’m sorry.”

His heart broke a second time at the sound. Wiping his mouth, he forced himself to his feet and stumbled back to her side. Sylvain forced back his uneasy stomach, forced back his growing numbness and pain, and gathered her in his arms, crushing her to his chest. “It’s not.”

“It is,” she repeated, apologizing over and over even as she pressed into him. “It is.”

And he couldn’t argue with that, not when her lance was in Dimitri’s chest. It wasn’t like five years ago, when she’d been crushed after they’d changed houses—no one could have predicted the looming war, the fact that they’d be disowned by their own families for something as simple as following their beliefs.

It wasn’t like years ago, after Glen’s death, when Dimitri had broken down, Felix had hardened, and Ingrid had holed herself in her room. It hadn’t been anyone’s fault then. They’d been just kids, taking on more than they should have.

Now, there was only Ingrid.

And Dimitri’s blood was on her hands.

Bile rose once more, pricking his tongue, but he forced it back down. She’d break if he said anything else. She’d break and then he’d break with her. Sylvain buried his face in her hair and shook his head. “Not true.”

“I…I did it,” she sobbed, her fingers digging into his sides.

“He would have killed you.” He realized the truth of his words as he said them. Dimitri would have killed her. The others from their house might not have. Annette and Mercedes and maybe even Dedue could have been talked down, but not Dimitri.

Dimitri hadn’t been himself for a long while.

Maybe he’d always been like that. Felix had been right, calling him a boar.

“He would have killed you,” he repeated, stronger now, hugging her tighter. Sylvain could hear her breath, hear her heart beat like a frightened rabbit. She was alive. She was in one piece. She’d made it through. “You had to protect yourself.”

“I could have injured him,” she mumbled, pressing herself closer as though to hide away from it all. “I could have knocked him out.”

“Anyone else, sure, but not Dimitri. Never Dimitri.” Sylvain closed his eyes. Even before it all, Dimitri would never let himself get captured. Killed, sure, but never captured. “He’s too strong. Was too strong.”

The was stung, burned on his tongue like an ember. Felix had been loyal. Dimitri had been a friend. They’d never be anything else anymore. They might never be anything but the two, angry bodies on the grass. It was hard to remember their smiles when all he could picture was their pale, frozen faces.

“I should have tried,” she insisted, shoulders shaking as she cried. “I should have…I…he’s dead, Sylvain. Dead. They both are and I…”

“I know, I know.” Sylvian stroked her hair, pulling back just enough to press a tender kiss on her forehead. Years ago, she’d done the same for him when he’d killed his brother; he wasn’t sure when he’d started looking at her differently, but he was certain the roots of it had been then. He hoped it brought her twice as much comfort as it had given him, this warmth, this forgiveness and love and gentle acceptance.

She wailed, a wordless cry that sounded more animal than human. He remembered the maids talking about banshees and their mournful screams, and it had to sound something like this. Still stroking her hair, he let her cry it all out, his eyes closed so he didn’t have to see Dimitri or Felix. There was probably a better way to help. Mercedes and Annette had been good at it. He should have learned from them when he had the chance.

He should have done so much more before this all happened, but he’d been barely able to help himself for years, let alone others.

And now it was just them.

No, not just them. Sylvain bit his cheek. That was what had caused this war in the first place, this stubborn belief that they had to stand alone. That was why he and Ingrid had left the Blue Lions in after all, for Claude’s vision of unity. There was Raphael and his hugs, Hilda and her jokes, even Marianne and her quiet companionship.

He could try again. Better this time, in fact. Ingrid hiccupped and he pulled away slightly, still keeping her in the circle of his arms. Now that he was looking at her properly, he could see the cuts on her arms, the gash on her side. Small injuries, for fighting Dimitri, but injuries nonetheless. Sylvain knew every trick in the book when it came to convincing Ingrid to do something that was good for her, even if it was something as unrelenting as guilt.

“Let’s go back to camp together,” he suggested gently, brushing her hair out of her face. Her puffy eyes, still red from her tears, started to slide away from his, to where Dimitri’s corpse grew colder with the passing minute. Before she could, he carefully cupped her cheek, forcing her to stay still. “We need to get patched up.”

“But…Di…Dimitri and Felix,” she mumbled, not fighting him for once.

“We can get them later.” Sylvain didn’t even have to try this time, he just smiled. She’d always been able to draw those out of him, even if she never realized it. “I’ll come back.”

“Me…Me too.” Ingrid shook her head. “I’ll help.”

He bit his lip before reluctantly nodding. There was time to argue about that later. “Okay. Can you stand?”

She nodded. Sylvain wrapped an arm around her waist, slowly hoisting her up as he stood. Keeping his grip firm, he called for his horse. “I’m not sure if I’m ready to fly, so let’s take my horse, okay?”

“Sure.” She sounded distracted, but he didn’t think much of it. With everything that happened, it was hard to focus. As his horse stopped beside him, he let go and quickly adjusted the saddle bags and straps. “You get on first.”

Ingrid didn’t reply and when he turned around, she was beside Dimitri once more. Silently, he cursed himself as he ran back to her side. “Ingrid!”

She didn’t respond, unbuckling her cloak instead. Gently, she spread it out over Dimitri’s body, covering him like she used to put blankets on them as kids, all tired out from practice. Leaning forward, she pressed a chaste kiss on his cold forehead. “Could you give me your cloak?” she asked, her expression unreadable.

Sylvain didn’t hesitate before yanking what was left of his off and draping it gently on her shoulders. Ingrid shook her head, pulling it off. “It’s not for me.”

She moved a little further into the forest, to Felix this time, and tucked the cloak around him. Her fingers shook as she brushed his hair out of his face. Kissing him on the cheek, she whispered something he couldn’t hear before getting up.

“Let’s go back.” Ingrid grabbed his hand now and this time he didn’t let go.

“Yeah.” He didn’t ask her what she said. Sylvain had his own, private words for them, things he’d never repeat to anyone. When they reached his horse, he still kept his grip tight as he hopped on first. She raised a brow, the closest to a positive expression he’d seen so far. Not bothering to explain, he helped pull her up, settling her on his lap in a side-saddle manner.

“I haven’t ridden like this since we were kids,” Ingrid commented, a little stiff as she looked at her dangling feet.

“Not since you realized knights had to ride on their own.” He waited a second before asking. “Just this once?”

“It’s silly.” Yet, she didn’t jump off, didn’t protest, just leaned against him.

He released the breath he didn’t know he was holding as he wrapped his arms around her, taking the reins and urging his horse into a gentle trot. “That’s not a bad thing.”

“No, it’s not.” She closed her eyes. “Thanks.”

#sylvgrid #sylvain jose gautier #ingrid brandl galatea #claude von riegan #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #hilda valentine goneril #felix hugo fraldarius #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #fanfic

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polar-stars · 4 years

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Shigeo Eizan, Erina, Eizan Etsuya, Chigeo, Kimiko and Hayama for the character thing please?

Ohh, I didn’t think anyone would ask for my own characters but ;v; !!! Sure !

Shigeo

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang [Honestly, I feel a bit weird over commenting on the looks of my OCs ahdhd but, I gotta admit Shigeo is much of my type...but I mean, apparently I’m not alone on that? dshdfjFGJ So many have complimented Shigeo’s appearance now and I’m screaming. Y’all are making his ego grow.]

hogwarts house: gryffindor | S L Y T H E R I N, Shigeo’s a full-fledged snake...what do u think? | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: I said it once already, but I would actually say his loyalty is his best quality. Now, the number of people that Shigeo is loyal to is extremely slim but...well, it is a very strong loyalty. It’s just, again, it’s only few who earn that loyalty.

worst quality: lol. I could name numerous things in that regard. But as I also said once already, I guess his most fatal flaw is that he swallows up his fears, his trauma and a lot of other things in himself and never works through it.

ship them with: ShigeChi >; Chieko had multiple ship-options at a certain point, but Shigeo’s only ship options always Chieko and welp ahdh The moment I started fleshing Shigeo out more, their dynamic grew more and more onto me and she also sneaked her way into his character-arc so.

brotp them with: There’s Moe & Kiyoko, who are really close friends of his and I really love their relationships. But I also gotta bring up Suzume here. Suzume’s and Shigeo’s relationship makes me so happy, despite it not being exactly friendly ahdhd. It’s a lot of fun to think of their banter and interactions to me. Also well, Umino & Yamada deserve their mention as well, so here they go ahdh.

needs to stay away from: Ai Kabutoyama. Pls, don’t ship them.

misc. thoughts: If “Shokugeki no Kimiko” was animated and had it’s own soundtrack, Shigeo deserves to be having a jazzy theme for himself.

Erina

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: I really love how much of a Boss Bitch Erina really is, she steps into a place and she owns it and she knows it. But at the same time, her social awkwardness and also obvious care for Hisako, the PSD later on etc. also make her a cutie at the same time.

worst quality: This is really more on Tsukuda’s part, but I do not like how she’s written in BLUE Arc at all, and how she honestly keeps pushing Soma away while he goes out of his way for her multiple times...

ship them with: Soma is my favorite choice for her

brotp them with: Hisako !!

needs to stay away from: HER DAD. AND ASAHI. AND HER MOM MAYBE- IDK, give her a better family.

misc. thoughts: Takumi said in his match against her that if she’d be on the Elite Council “She’d be the zero seat”. And honestly, I kinda found myself wishing for Tsukuda just having run with that instead. Just establish a new seat extra for Erina because she’s that good. It still sounds kinda dumb yes, but not as dumb as making her actual headmistress. With 16. What also bothers me about her being headmistress is that it’s a very busy job, I’d imagine....Let Erina be a normal teen, could you? She was already robbed off a childhood, geez.

Eizan

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin [...duh] | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: Eizan is SO entertaining to me, you all have no idea. He’s so god-damn funny at times and I’m just ahdhd I love him. Meep, he’s intelligent and tactical and I like that in characters? I wish, we could have seen more of him being smart instead of having him being blinded more and more by rage and vengeance ;v;

worst quality: Lmao, do you want a list? His obsession for money? His unscrupulousness? His disregard of fucking...decency?? ahdh I could go on.

ship them with: //takes out megaphone// nENE KINOKUNI, LADIES AND GENTS. In my eyes, he legit seems to hold some sort-off respect for her and I hold the headcanon that Eizan is actually crushing on her a little ver since middle school. Come on, I do think it’s plausible that he’d find himself attracted to a person like Nene: She’s smart, she’s no pushover, she murders people with just a glance, her hair is green. One of the meanings attributed to the color green is actually...finances, profit, banks, moNEY-

brotp them with: The few interactions Eizan had with Somei legit cracked me up so...hdhd yeah, Somei. But also...Momo, being real. And of course, Isshiki & Kuga. Can’t forget them.

needs to stay away from: PSD, lol. I’d say Azami, but honestly Eizan seems to handle Azami fine? Azami just shows up at his work and is like: “What u doing owo?” and Eizan replies with “Are you bored or something????” like ahdhd WOW

misc. thoughts: Honestly...Is it plausible to assume that Eizan and Nene actually had a Shokugeki?...A Shokugeki which he won? I mean, somehow he had to earn that seat above her’s......right? (Would have been nice, if Tsukuda could have explained the new Elite 10 Ranking or show what got them there but nOPE)

Chieko

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: I do love Chieko for how feisty she can be. The girl will mouth off multiple times to one of the most dangerous people at her school and I think it’s neat.

worst quality: She does take longer to make her moves at times though, sometimes she’s just too careful and overthinking instead of stepping into battle.

ship them with: Shigeo Eizan. Both of them succeed mainly through intellect, booth in cooking and other areas of life. It’s kind off natural, that they’d get eventually interested in each other.

brotp them with: Yasu, Hideyoshi & Daisuke mainly, but the rest of PSD as well.

needs to stay away from: Shigeo, according to Yasu. I don’t know as of right now honestly ahdh

misc. thoughts: Funfact, but her wearing a hairband once she’s a 2nd Year is kinda inspired by Disney’s Cinderella haha

Kimiko

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: Kimiko is brave and also most definitely an actor!! And as someone, who’s neither of those, I always admire these qualities ahdh.

worst quality: Kimiko pretends that she can’t feel feelings like sadness for a good chunk of the story. She plasters a wide smile on her face, even if she’s really not okay and that’s not a good thing...I’m saying this from very strong personal experience.

ship them with: Hiroshi! It was a thing for me from the beginning on!

brotp them with: Mika and later on Kaori, mainly.

needs to stay away from: her brother, okay no ahdhd but well, the nasty part of her family she does not know too well to begin with I’d say

misc. thoughts: I’d LOVE to draw Kimiko more, you gotta believe me on that but her hair is super exhausting to draw ahdhd I love your twin tails Kimi, but they’re suffering.

Hayama

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin(?) | ravenclaw | hufflepuff [I can also picture him win Ravenclaw]

best quality: I kind off love how he’s the straight man in every group of friends he’s in? Someone give the poor man a break ahdhd. But I also really love how determined and ambitious he is, it’s inspiring to see (Which is why I kind off hate, that his shown that he refused to go to BLUE, because he didn’t feel strong enough? Idk, I feel the Akira I met in the Autumn Election wouldn’t have passed out on such a chance)

worst quality: not.....Not a big fan of the Central!Hayama/Soma-Shokugeki being real. I did not really enjoy his performance during that ; 7 ; But that’s just how I personally feel ;v; I don’t really dislike the idea of him joining Central, I just think it could have been done better

ship them with: Hisako!

brotp them with: Alice and Ryo of course 😤!!

needs to stay away from: Azami, haha. (Also...Not into shipping him romantically with Jun. At all. It does kinda creep me out, ngl since I do see her as a sort-off mother-figure in his life...)

misc. thoughts: It’s kinda crime, how he basically triggered the bit of Character development Hisako had, yet they never truly interacted with each other again afterwards ever again?? Like...Why? Why would you do something like this?

HISAKO AND HAYAMA REMATCH, SOMEONE GIVE IT TO ME

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alo-piss-trancy · 5 years

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SD/R2 OMO HEADCANONS (Pt1)

Decided it was probably time for me to post a list of my omo hcs for this game since I did the THH chars! Like with the other list, I'll be excluding a couple I have no interest in thinking of omo content of (in this case, Hiy/oko and Teru/teru). I'm breaking this one into multiple posts throughout the week as I compile my thoughts (I'll add a link to all of them on the fic masterlist page later so you can find them all) because I feel this is gonna be a lot longer than my THH post haha!

Here we go, the first 3 (or 4) chars! Please stop reading now if you don't want spoilers for the game bc there will be several!!!

~~~

Gun/dham:

* I firmly hc him as vegetarian (not vegan. He will consume byproducts like milk/cheese/eggs/etc, but only harvested himself or from small farms/sources that he has personally vetted/researched where he knows 100% that the creatures are treated ethically.)

* That's actually not omo-related besides milk oops but it relates to my next point, which is that for the most part he prefers Natural food/drink. Water, fruit or vegetable juices/smoothies, etc. He's not really used to strange 'Human' confections like soda or coffee, so the caffeine and diuretics hit him hard and fast and make it difficult for him to estimate how much time he has. It also makes him jittery/hyped as hell which Does Not Help.

* As long as he isn't screwed over by caffeine or a ton of drinks, he has a decently strong bladder and can hold for a long time. He has a lot of practice from hiding/waiting to help certain animals, laying trapped under sleeping cats/dogs, etc. And also avoiding public restrooms like the Plagues they are for most of the day...

* He's bladdershy AF and has been since early childhood. I saw he had signs drawn on the doors/curtain in his room during my playthrough (including the bathroom) and that is definitely his safezone. Can't go outside either bc 1. He's paranoid he'll be seen by other ppl and 2. That feels disrespectful to the nature deities despite the logic that animals do it all the time. He knows that's dumb and he hates himself for it.

* Sometimes I do like to ignore the bladdershy hc just for some variety. Even in that case tho he'd still be a bit of a diva about which public bathrooms he uses. If it's gross or weird he's gonna avoid it/complain/refuse to go even if bursting. He's stubborn af

* We all know he canonically goes commando. Therefore he is in extra danger because any leaks will go straight to his pants RIP Since he usually wears black it isn't that visable (as long as it's just a bit and not a full wetting), but if he ever has to wear smth else u know he's screwed c':

* He's not very vocal when desperate at all. Mostly strangled whines or grunts (only when alone or if so urgent he can't hide it), he's just so easily embarrassed that he can choke most sound.

* He can also hide his body language pretty well. He can manage to keep himself to rigid posture and the occasional shudder or fidget if needed. Only when he's beyond caught and about to wet will he resort to obvious grabs or dances in front of others.

* Even if he wet he wouldn't cry (I don't seem him crying much for anything tbh, barring extreme things like death). He's angry at himself and extremely ashamed. He would get red as a tomato, attempt to slink away and avoid any witnesses for several days. Could get snippy or hide in his shell all pitiful, depending on the person.

* When alone or sure he can't be caught, he'll fidget more once things are dire. Mostly his long-ass legs. Jiggling, crossing, bending at the knees or bouncing up and down, shuffling from foot-to-foot, everything. He doesn't really do much with his hands beyond a quick crotch-squeeze.

* He'd def let Haj/ime or So/nia dom tf out of him as far as making him hold/lose control, he's submissive and enjoys the challenging test of limits. However, I could also see him totally having a thing for 'marking' his partners during the times he doms.

So/nia:

* Lowkey has a bladder of steel tbh, tho you'd never expect it by looking at her. It takes a lot to get her desperate and even more for her to crack enough to show her needs to others.

* She had a lot of long lectures/lessons, meetings, social events, formal balls, etc. growing up, so she just got used to waiting a lot between breaks so as not to interrupt or be rude to her guests. This also makes her wicked good at remaining completely calm on the outside and keeping the quiver out of her tone even when she's absolutely dying.

* Even once people know her problem, she would NEVER grab herself or dance. Literally the most you'll get out of her is legs crossed at the ankles. For the most part the only sign of her desperation is the slight fullbody shivering where she has her muscles and posture strained. If you're very lucky she may wince or her voice will start shaking/get breathy (her breathing gets super fast and shallow when at her absolute limit. Like nearly hyperventilating fast).

* While not shy at all about asking/telling others where she's going, she was raised with manners. She refuses to interrupt while others are busy, and will wait until she feels the time is appropriate to but into convos or leave the room, even if that could take a long time. She will not skip out on a group task if she can help it bc she feels very strongly about doing her part and not coming off as a slacker (so group investigations/new island exploring/building for Us/ami in Island Mode are all LONG tasks she will force herself to stick out without complaint, even if she's about to wet herself).

* Despite being a princess, she definitely doesn't view anything as being 'beneath' her. If someone asks her to just go outside/in a sketchy place/strange receptacle, she'll do it without question as soon as they agree to glance away. In fact, sometimes it's actually a little thrilling.

* If she did wet herself she would certainly be embarrassed, maybe even teary-eyed depending on the situation/who was around. However, it certainly isn't the end of the world for her, and she would be able to brush it off fairly easily once she got cleaned up and had a chance to breathe. Could probably start making jokes about it by the next day, or just wait patiently for everyone to forget about it.

* Probably has a big piss kink (for others. She isn't much on doing holds herself, minus an occasional 'Damsel in Distress' type roleplay). And honestly just a big one for domming others (sometimes sweetly, sometimes cold/cruel like True Royalty). She looks cute but She Nasty (tm). Gun/dham and Haji/me (to a lesser extent, bc his smart-ass take-no-shit attitude makes him a bit of a brat sometimes lol) are her bitches.

M/ikan (I have to split hers in two bc I have polar opposite hcs) :

Non-Despair M/ikan -

* Is every bit as shy uwu ohnoooo~ as you'd imagine. Super blushy and fidgety and teary-eyed but never admits what's wrong even once it's obvious, to the point of potty-dancing in place (but she's Totally Fine she can hang in there and doesn't need to stop what she's doing)! You literally have to drag her away to the bathroom if u don't want her to have an accident. Would rather die than inconvenience anyone by telling them she has to go, will berate herself for the inconvenience when that backfires and she's made a mess of herself, 120% convinced everyone hates her and p much refuses any comfort bc she's so trapped in the spiral. Bawls her eyes out.

* If on a rare occasion she does work up the nerve to speak up and is denied, that's it. She will not dare ask again even if the person didn't realize how badly she had to go. Nope. Clearly her only option is to hold it until she can't anymore, or until she's alone and can run off by herself.

*Also she totally would whimper to herself in The Worst omo video star voice lmao "Oh noooo I'm leaking into my panties~, it's cOmIng OuTtttt~ uwu uwu uwu" (i'm not making fun of those istg but u know Exactly what 'sexy baby' voice I mean. That is Mi/kan. Don't be so fake bitch We Know u didn't fall spread eagle naturally)

* Says 'Potty' unironically. It's the only word she uses for the bathroom.

* Surprisingly not bladdershy at all. She's actually the opposite. Will go Anywhere (but will be embarrassed while doing it).

* She's used to holding a lot bc afraid to leave class/stuck helping patients for hours on end. However while she has a wicked high capacity and stays very hydrated, she has pretty shaky control. Leaks A LOT, be it in general or bc she gets startled/nervous. She's like a chihuahua lmao. She wears medical liners when on duty as a nurse or during school, but for general hangouts she forgoes them (totally bc she forgot and Not bc she wanted to show her wet panties off to strangers/peers when she falls again, that would be Slu/tty and Improper).

* Once held for ages and then ended up wetting herself just bc Hiy/oko told her to. It wasn't actually a request, just a one-off snippy comment that H forgot about like 10 min after she said it and walked away. When she found out Mi/kan took it seriously she absolutely lost it laughing for the next few days

*Her potty dances include lots of thighs rubbing together/hunching over, hands wandering dangerously close only to pause and grip her skirt/dress hem, hopping from leg to leg and shaking at the knees. She's pitiful when desperate and very cute. Pants and whimpers near constantly, nibbles at her knuckles to try and muffle it.

* Knows when she's at risk of actual damage from holding, but it's still a 50/50 shot of whether she'll break down and go or keep trying to hold. She knows it's unwise, but due to her complete lack of self worth she doesn't really care if her own body is damaged.

* That said, she monitors everyone else very closely and will harass them firmly to take breaks if they're at risk.

Despair/True Mik/an -

* MASSIVE PISS KI/NK. Loves to be dommed/told to hold until she wets. LOVES to do the same to others and tell them all the mean things for a change. She will borderline Break You.

* Takes great satisfaction in watching others struggle. If given an opportunity to make others desperate/prevent them from getting to a bathroom without revealing herself, she will definitely take it. She has no sympathy.

* The Queen of lacing things with diuretics, but can also often find that boring/too easy. A bit disdainful of that method tbh.

* Tying ppl down to hold or hooking them to IVs and 'misplacing' the call button is more her style.

* Used to hold for Jun/ko a lot to appease her. Would be willing to hold for Na/gito, but tbh he's just as willing to hold for her so it's a bit of a stalemate and they've yet to work out who does what.

* Will piss on her victim/lover while staring them directly in the eyes. Does not flinch. She toes the line between sexy and just plain creepy lol

#omocute #omorashi #fandomo #fictomo #bear txt #drspoilers

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prissypickle · 5 years

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I did it

One year ago today I finished highschool. One year ago today I finished the toughest journeys of all times. Highschool was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. There was so many people who ruined it but there was so many people who made it better for me. My freshman year I attempted suicide and was admitted to a mental hospital and and no school wanted to take me in. At the time Fir Ridge Campus didn’t take in freshman. So I had no choice but to drop out. David Douglas straight up told me that I couldnt go there. I had too many problems and They couldn’t give me an education. In spring of my freshman year I enrolled in an online school called metro east web academy. Of course with all my mental health issues I had no motivation to do any of it. In the end I only got one credit for it. And that was for creative writing. I’m with ICTS which is where people come outd to your house three times a week for therapy. So I was with them for six months. It was hard saying goodbye. But then I went yo seeing a therapist once a week. I was still cutting often. But back to my schooling, I didn’t do anything and my mom was so pissed at the david doglas school district because the refused to put me in a school and finally she wrote a three page nasty letter saying how I needed to be in a school and thats how I got to fir ridge.

My freshman year I was so scared. I couldn’t tell you how scared I was. I didn’t go to school. I was fucked up in the head, cutting and I didn’t know anyone. So I didn’t really talk to anyone on my first day. But within a few days I met a small group of friends that I could relate to. Which was great. The next best thing was that there was a school counselor and a therapist that came to the school. So on top of going to seeing a therapist once a week I went to see him once a week. He was from Trillium services. He was a great therapist. I saw him from 45 minutes to an hour. My school counselor was mamed Michael and he was probably the best counselor anyone could ask for. He understood me. When I needed my space he let me sit in the office or library and do my work. When I had my mental break downs he gave me a quiet space. He was amazing. I have terrible anxiety with loud noises and whenever we had a firedrill I would cry and have a panic attack when there was he warned me and brought me to the office telling me when so I wasnt as afraid. As I said. He was the best school counselor anyone could ask for.

I had this friend. Her name was Iris. I cared for her so so much she was my first friend I made in middle school and she went to a diffent school but she had problems at the time and so she was looking into my school and I was thrilled. But before ahe came she also had issues and so she went to a rehab place. I called her family every day to see how she was doing. I sent flowers and cards because well, wouldn’t a best friend do that? When she got out she started at Fir Ridge Campus a bit later. I was so happy we reunited again. We started having sleep overs and everything. Okay? But one time during a sleepover she stole her parents credit card and bought something, which was a peircing kit and I had no idea so she came to my house when it was delivered and took it before I was home. I’ll also mention around two years ago she stole my ipod. But anyway so this happened and it happened once more but with tea but ahe sent it to her house instead of mine. So her mom was like “you arent ever allowed to see her again” blaming me for her daughter peircing herself. That was the hardest thing for me to hear because she was my best friend. Or so I thought she was. I believe this was all happening during my Junior year or late sophomore I cant remember it was so hectic. Ill come back to this bitch a little bit later.

But my Junior year I did this amazing thing called camp pheniox. That was the second the best and worst part of highschool. Its a two day overnight camp plus 4 weeks of after care. During the two nights you broke yourself down talking about the horrible things in life and at the end you are rebuilding yourself and raising up into a pheniox. During the process you did multiple activites which were happy, sad and heartbreaking realizing how fucked up and broken you were on the inside. One of the days you clumb a tree and tell everyone what you committ to. And I said I committ to my family and my support system. And then you had to walk on a tightrope with another person and jump when you couldnt do it anymore. And the other classmates are completely in control of the rope and your harness. Then the second activity we did was get in a harness and go up and your classmates pull you up until you say stop. Basically a gaiant swing okay. So I was letting go past teachers which I will get on explaining to more. And then letting in good teachers and then you yank it and I did a 90 foot free fall and holy shit was that fun. As i said it was the best and wors part of it because i landed up in teen intensive outpatient because I was cutting and I was extremely depressed.

But back to the teacher thing. There was a history teacher her name was Karen and she was a bitch to me. She hated me. And She KNEW i struggled with anxiety and she KNEW that I hated being with loud people and so I always needed to go to the office to see a counselor and I always finished up my work at home. And finally she was like you have to go to detention to finish this. And so Im in the office complete sobbing and my council waves it off. And other time with her was when my counselor talked to her about it she didnt talk to me for 3 DAYS like seriously she was so immature. Then When I came back from thr weekend she didnt call on anyone else but me. Then at the end of the week there was a new seating chart and I came in late because I was talking yo the trillium therapist okay and she shows me my seat and Im calm and I say no. And shes like yes. And I calmly explain to her why I cant go sit next to him because be gave me anxiety. And then she PROCEEDS to yell at me infront of the whole class who is now stairing at me and Im completely crying now infront of the class go to the principals office to fucking write me a refferl because i was arguing with her. Which the princapal immediately threw it out. The princapal at the time was absolutely amazing. She took me out on the track as I cried and walked with me.

So my junior year is happening and I went to camp pheniox and outdoor school it was great okay. So I went to outdoor school for my third session and I broke my ankle and had to stay home for a week and you remember this Iris girl who is my best friend??? Well not anymore. When I was away at outdoor school where I couldn’t DEFEND myself she went to the counselor and said. That I raped her and drugged her with majauana. And In like balling my eyes out because Im so fucking confused and why she did that. And so the counselor literally asked if I did it and Im like what the fuck do you really think I did it. And Im like crying at her because Im so upset. Like who in the right mind would accuse someone of rape. I mean I work with children. I was a swim instructor at the time. If she went to the police I could’ve been arrested and fired from my job which she didnt go because she knew she was a lying skank ass bitch. Also they couldve drug tested me because I wasnt even smoking at the time! And so Im in the office and my counselor is like “what are you feeling?” And I littlerly upfront say” I want to punch this bitch in the face,” she she looked at me “you cant do that” and Im like “no shit I cant do it. I want to but tgat doesnt mean I am going to.” And she sighs like after and hour of fuming she tells me Im not allowed to tell ANYONE and Im like fine whatever.

But I go to my momma jill and tell her and I like an crying to her and shes just holding me. But seriously then the vice principal calls me in during third period to talk more about what happened ALSO i had a freaking alliby because I was at fucking teen Intensive outpaitent during the time she accused me! Basically it was a whole clusterfuck

. It got 100% worse when there was an assembly and youll never guess who was running it the skank ass Iris. So she started talking about rape. And then she says “someone here raped me” and then she looked over at me. I kid you not. And my dad was there and he stood up and I cant remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of “you shouldnt accuse anyone of rape either,” he said or something like that Im to busy crying and my teacher holding my hand. Finally my dad comes over to me and says were leaving. So my worst fear now the whole school knows that Iris accused me of rape and drugging her. So im literally in the gym having the WORST mental breakdown of my life and I mean screaming at the too of my lungs dropping to the knees hitting the floor. There was the security guy and Joey one of the teachers along with the princapal and vice principal trying to calm me down. And my dads crying because hes upset because of what Iris had said. And they told me to stay home for a few days until I could calm down.

So I came bac the following monday. I was so depressed I wanted to die. I almost had another suicide attempt but I thought about Taylor Swift and how I would never get t meet her and that just made me hold onto life just a little bit longer. So by the end of the year it was time for prom and so I was nominated for.... you guessed it prom court equivalent to prom princess/prince and can you guesd who was nominated too? That bitch Iris. So we were BOTH up against each other and trust me I was NOT going to let her win. So I baked my ass off and probably made over 200 cupcakes and fed them to the entire school and when I was time for prom. I won. I won prom princess. That was the best night of my entire life. My entire highschool carrer I felt normal. Everything was perfect

. Soon my Junior year ended. And summer came and went and my Senior yesr started. I only needed 1 credit to graduate .5 government .5 global studies. So I took government first which I got like knocked down a ton because i refused to do presentations because i hate speaking infront of a class but I still passed with a A. Then global studies I REFUSED to take with Karen again. So I did 5 at least 250 page packets in one quarter. And I still graduated early two quarters early. I started school my sophomore year because they didnt count it as a freshman and ended my senior year. I worked my ass off. And I graduated in 2 1/2 years. I graduated. I did it. I made it. Evern after a suicide attempt. Witnessing my mom attempt suicide my sophmore year, Iris accusing me of rape. All of that and I still graduated and I was second in class too. I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life. I didnt think id ever make it here. I thought in 2014 I was going to die. But I didnt. I’m still here. Alive and succeeding in life. Im a caregiver now. I’m getting my CNA in July. I made it. I did it.

#little #babygirl #little space #baby #little girl #little one #age regression #princess #daddy #mommy #my story #graduation #class of 2018 #highschool #high school

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aleksander0086-blog · 6 years

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In/Destructable.

Friends come and they will go. I gotta be careful for whom I call my 'friends', though. I have major trust issues, I can't bond easily, and like I explained in my preview post, I am not a great communicator. Well, there is one friend I had, one friend I thought I could trust and would be there until forever, really. His name was Kaiden. I met Kaiden when I was 17 years old - he was 4 years younger than me. He was an exchange student living in my house, back in the time when I lived in The Netherlands with my family. Kaiden was from Florida, lived in poverty, and also had a lot of problems at home, such as abuse, neglect, and bullying in school. He lived with us for an entire school year, I think about 9 or 10 months or so. He was 4 years younger than me, but he became like a brother to me. Even though it took me some time to fully loosen up, at first I bullied him a lot, made fun of him because he looked like an emo and I used to hate Americans. But I found out he was a really special fella. Even when our lives continued when he went back to the States, and I continued to live my life in The Netherlands, we kept in touch, virtually. There was something I always liked about him - his energy, his depth, his patience, his understanding. He wasn't afraid to speak his mind or disagree with me, and I appreciated that. People can be so damn fake. ..But he wasn't. Even when we were a few years older, in our 20's, I often went to visit him in the States, a couple of times a year. We were going out on roadtrips, all kinds of adventures, or we just hung out in his apartment a lot, watching movies, like something you'd expect from a real friendship. I never had a friendship like that, where I would actually do fun activities. In other friendships of mine, we just used drugs and hung out on the streets, act trashy, talking about murder, feeling useless. But the friendship I had with Kaiden really had some real depth, we could talk for hours all night, and he made me believe it is no shame to talk about my inner feelings and emotions. By that time, I had never met a single person I felt comfortable enough to talk about my inner feelings. And to me, it felt like a piece of freedom, and he gave me that like some kind of gift. Really, if it wasn't for him, I would still be a numb asshole with my feelings all bottled up.

When I moved to New York when I was 25, I often went to visit Kaiden in Michigan. There were huge gaps, though, and I realized that every time we saw each other again. I had my problems with drinking, using drugs, the errors inside my head. But he, Kaiden, was struggling with bipolar disorder, as he knew since the age of 15. He just did a perfect job by hiding the whole thing. But I could see whenever he was going through a difficult time. He used to be straight edge - no drinking, no drugs, not even smoking cigarettes. But ever since he got back from L.A, his life got a little twisted. He always had high expectations and big dreams, as he wanted to make it in L.A., but I saw the city of angels changed him. He came back as a different person, very odd. It just wasn't him. He opened up about the fact he was sexually abused by his manager, that he met the wrong people there, and he definitely started drinking a lot. He was forced to use drugs. Once he came back to Michigan, I think it triggered his mental health and it took the wrong turn. Everything he did was limitless. The typical symptoms of bipolar disorder, those were clear to see. Very extreme mood swings. There were times when I moved in with him, but every time I stayed with him for awhile, the better I got to know him. It wasn't really pretty. He was either extremely happy or a really mean bitch. Kaiden, he also developed this huge identity crisis with himself - he was not sure about his sexual orientation and identity. He was struggling with it. I tried to help him, even though I, myself, used to be a little bit homophobic back in the days. He was my friend, and I knew he was struggling with it. I just wanted us to have fun again like we used to have. I came to find out we had a difficult time dosing our attention to each other, since we both have our problems. Except Kaiden clearly needed the attention, he kinda almost begged for it, he was loud. And me, I tried hiding it, but the people who knew me best could easily uncover my pain. Like the extrovert and the introvert. It was either Kaiden going through a difficult period, and me having to take care of him, or the other way around. We were there for eachother, always. I suppose it made our friendship a very strong, hectic one too, because of that. The thing is, there was always drama going on in our lives, and we were both very involved in the situation. And things got even harder as the years were passing by.

The more we were together the unhealthier our friendship became. Over the last 5 years we did nothing but using drugs, annoy each other with the fact that we were junkies, fighting, throwing things at each other, beat each other up. But then there were good times coming again. And so we did fun things again. Then we started fighting again. But both of us were so damn drugged up. I was on heroin all the time, I would stay in the other room, alone in the dark, painting. Or lying on the bathroom floor listening to nice classic rock music. I mind my own business, that's just how heroin works. I wanted to be alone. But Kaiden wasn't on heroin, coke was his thing. It made him very different person, very high energy, always looking for a reason to fight. He would slam the fucking door while I was tripping in the bathroom, yelling at me "Let's go to the sea and put our clothes off! Right now! Come with me!", almost dragging me outside. But my mind couldn't process that very quickly when on heroin. His voice was echoing through my mind. I remember nights, when he was all hyped under influence of coke, and I was nodding next to him in the backseat of the car, far away from reality, no idea where I was and what we were doing. He carried me around like a puppet, but we were always together. Kaiden would fight literally anyone on cocaine. And whenever I looked at him, I just thought to myself "damn, this is not you, what the fuck". We turned out to be monsters, we created the worst versions of ourselves.

Anyway, when Kaiden came out as gay, or pansexual, or both, whatever - I still have no idea, but he clearly fell for men - he got involved in the gay scene, and he turned into some kind of sex maniac. He had a devoted boyfriend for awhile, Joone, whom he met in Finland while we were on vacation there, but then he cheated and started fucking the entire city of Toronto. He was the notorious crack whore of Toronto city, and he was happy to be so. He started to become careless, just like me, and you got drugs to blame for that. Cocaine turned him in the opposite of person he used to was, the person I used to like so much. That was all gone at some point. He disgusted me with his lifestyle. I didn't want to visit him anymore because even in the morning, the room smelled like sex and crack, there were naked guys lying on the carpet. And I don't have problems with the gay scene, not anymore, I have experimented this and that myself as well, but his life was just awfully disgusting. For real. I took my distance, continued my life as an introvert junkie in New York City, but Kaiden kept falling back to me. He'd call me and tell me he feels extremely sorry, crying and everything. And I swallowed those cries for help, for many many times. But Kaiden started working at a sex club for gays, it made him rich. He got paid for sex, and it seemed like everybody wanted to try him out. He could only perform while on cocaine. That sex club was everything to him at one point, and didn't care about anything else anymore. He didn't care for me anymore, he would even threaten me if I didn't shut up. I couldn't even disagree with him anymore, or open my mouth. But I still did. We had so many fights, physically as well. There were a lot of cocaine, tears and blood. I'm talking about the very end of our friendship now. This was the last chapter of us, really.

When I got back from Berlin, I visited him a couple of times still. He was clearly angry I lied to him about me being dead. Which I understand, because I lied to everyone. I was too embarrassed to admit another suicide attempt failed once again. But I will never forget the last conversation we had. It was december, very cold night in Toronto. I remember we were sitting with some of his hoes in the room, they were on coke, I joined a bit but not too much. I figured he started gossiping around with some guy, pointing at me and laughing at me. I didn't do shit, it made me moody as fuck, though. I just refused to talk all night. Went to the kitchen to get some booze. When Kaiden crossed me I just grabbed him and asked him, "what the fuck do you think you're doing bitch?" He just started laughing, he said something like, "just let me go to the bathroom, you schizophrenic thot". I remember looking him in the eyes, feeling furious inside, the anger boiling. I grabbed him, dragged him outside his apartment and just threw him on the ground. He told me all kind of things I will never forget. Made all kind of jokes about me being a 'schizophrenic' and just sick in the head, that I am just like my father, and of course he could because he knew all of my weaknesses. He hurt me so much. He started puching me and we pulled each others hair. It was nasty. He hurt me so much that I wanted to kill him, it triggerd my killer feelings again. I beat him up until he bled, left him lying in the snow and hit him with my car. It felt fucking amazing. Heard he was hospitalized, but didn't die. Unfortunately. I wish I fucking killed him. I really wish I had. Never saw him again, though. But this friendship lead us to a dead end lane. How can somebody you once loved so much betray you like that? How he gave all his support and cared for me while I was going through psychosis, delusions, hard times and end up calling me out for being schizophrenic? Fucking cokehead. Fucking worthless.

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