#Billy’s alive AU! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

biillys · 1 year

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was always firmly on the what the fuck was billy’s mum thinking abandoning billy with neil train etc but then dacre went and opened his big mouth at that one con and said the they moved to hawkins to keep billy and his mum seperate and then [gestures vaguely to everything else he’s said about billy and his mum] so obviously my mind was like. okay well now i need to know everything. i need that backstory. and we’re never gonna get it until dacre drops the 237 hour long Life of Billy documentary. so for now we are just grasping at straws, and this straw i could not un-grasp. i hate myself.

anyway.

billy's mom leaving, not by choice, but by force.

her and neil started with a whirlwind romance, neil with his clean cut up bringing and military service. her from the wrong side of the tracks, running wild and free, happy to be neil's spot of rough for a few weeks.

but then weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. neil stopping by to see her, and only her, when he was home on leave, and she felt so fucking special because of it. it didn't even matter on the days he got quiet, withdrawn, mad. he always came home to her.

she could deal with anything, everything, as long as he chose her.

loved her.

she was barely 22 when she found out about the baby, and suddenly the walls were closing in, and neil was ringing around and organising a wedding, and the feeling of trapped set in permanently.

she tried so hard to make it work, but her own parents were barely existent, and neil's parents had frowned upon her since the moment they met her, and any hope she had for role model options of an upstanding mother and wife had been dashed before she even knew she needed them.

but then billy was born, and he was in her arms, and she promised herself that she would never give up, that she would try, and they'd both make it out of this alive.

neil was gone a lot for the early parts of billy's life, leaving just her and her son alone, and slowly the trapped feeling started lifting, leaving behind nothing but love.

she was there for his first smile, was the first one to make him laugh, was there to watch him take his first steps, there to watch him take off running. heard his first word, and then every word after that. neil popped in and out, coming and going between tours, but billy was a mumma's boy through and through, and neil could never bond with him the way she could.

he tried, she'll give him that, but all efforts were quickly given up on, and it wasn't long before neil started in on being the firm parent, talking about how some kids just needed some tough love. stating that there was no reason billy should need to be sung to sleep anymore, that he was 2 years old, he should be putting himself to sleep by now, staying in his own bed the entire night. that he should eat all the food on the plate in front of him, and if he doesn't, then he can go to bed hungry. that tantrums and meltdowns and wrong doing's need more than a simple time out, that's the only way he'll learn.

and then neil would disappear again, and it would just be her and her little boy, and he'd sleep in bed with her all night, and he'd get dessert even when he didn't finish his dinner, cos 'no one likes carrots, baby, i just thought i'd let you try them', and when he draw on the wall with markers he wasn't meant to play with, she talked him through what was wrong, put him on time out, and then they went secondhand shopping for old used couches to cover up that section of wall.

neil never found out.

but then she gets the call, and her chest freezes, her hands white-knuckling the phone cord, because neil's coming home, and this time he's not leaving.

he's coming back for good.

she puts on a brave face, and makes the most of the last few days of peace with billy while she can. spending every moment she can with him by the water, spinning around and playing in the sun, walking to and from the beach on their usual route, billy having the corner shop owner wrapped around his little finger and getting a free lolly each trip.

doing her best to prepare for whats next, promising herself that no matter what, she can handle it. that for billy, she can handle anything.

except then neil's home, and he's everywhere. he has opinions on everything, and nothing she does is right, nothing billy does is okay, and neil use to sometimes be mad, but now he's angry. he's angry at the military for writing him off over an injury he claims he could've walked off, he's angry at her for fucking up their son, he's angry at billy for being a child, he's angry at the entire fucking world.

the first time he hit her, they weren't married. billy wasn't even a thought. she let it go, thinking it was just a one off, a heat of the moment thing, brought out only because of their fight. and after months of no repeats, she figured she was right to let it go. but then it happened again, just before she found out about billy. then again, just after. again, just before billy's arrival, again, just after, again, and again, and again. but she never worried too much, because neil always left, and she always had a count down, a light at the end of the tunnel, a fail safe.

then she didn't, and neil was back, for better or for worse, and there wasn't anything she could do.

but she tried. he got angry, and she tried with everything she had to make sure billy was safe, that it was just her that got hurt. that billy would never know this side of his father. but as billy got older, and as neil got colder, firmer, she could only protect him from so much.

it felt like she was holding him, just a baby a few hours old in her arms one moment, then she blinked, and suddenly he was six, and scared, and so so brave, running at neil to try protect her, trying to tackle him to the ground.

her and neil's fights got louder, more frequent, more physical, and billy got quieter, more withdrawn, terrified.

the fight that broke them was over billy, naturally.

she came home from a shift from a local little clothes boutique where she'd picked up some part time work, only to find billy sitting at the kitchen table, head down, sniffling, doing his homework, and neil standing at the stove and stirring a pot, his eyes never leaving his son, looking at him the same way he looks at her when she accidentally fucks up dinner.

"you okay, honey?" she asks as she cards her hand through his hair. he sniffles again but nods, still not looking up.

she doesn't believe him even for a second, but she knows what it's like to have neil's weighted stare sitting on you, so she lets it go for the moment and leaves to get changed.

when she comes back, neil's finally turned around and focused on the stove, and billy's packing away his maths worksheets. she sits in the chair beside him and resumes running her hand through his hair.

"how was your day, baby?" she asks softly.

billy finally looks up at her, and the second her eyes land on the marks around his neck, the dried tear tracks all over his cheeks, his damp and shiny eyes, and the wince he doesn't even think to hide when he shrugs, she's out of her chair and grabbing neil by the arm and spinning him around within the second.

"what the fuck did you do?" she hisses at him, and neil has the nerve to continue fixing dinner, like their son isn't in pain, crying, just a few feet away from them at that very second.

"he needs to grow up, no more childish games. no more kid stuff," neil replies calmly, like billy isn't an actual child.

"he's six!" she stresses, because he is six, he's just a baby. he's her baby.

"he's old enough now to not-," neil starts, before getting cut off with-

"he's a child!"

"he doesn't need-"

"he is a kid! he is just a child, neil!" she yells, and part of her's worried about scaring billy, but neil hurt him. neil can lay his hands on her all he wants, but billy's always been off limits.

until today, apparently.

"he's our child- my child! you can not fucking touch him, ever."

it escalates, as all their arguments do, and before she realises what she's saying, she's threatening to leave, to take billy and never turn back. it’s not the first time she’s said it, but this time it feels right, feels like something finally settles into place.

neil waits calmly for her to finish her tirade before bringing reality down.

"you're gonna take my son away from me, huh? and what judge, in their right mind, would leave billy with you, a mother who can't even hold down a full time job, with a police record, and barely a handful of savings."

neil waits her out while she scrambles to find an answer, but that trapped feeling she had all those years ago comes back full force, and the only thing tethering her is billy, whose come up behind her and has buried his face into the small of her back, his hand gripping hers.

"i'm his mother," she breathes out, "courts favour the mother," she settles on, even though she knows that if this ended up in court, neil would fight her every step of the way, and a sinking feeling in her gut tells her he would win.

he always wins.

in the end, it's neil that takes her to court.

it's barely a custody battle. neil's always been good at putting on a show, winning over a crowd, turning on the charm. it doesn't seem to matter that she's the mother, that she finally landed a stable full-time job, that billy wants to stay with her. neil talks, and twists stories, paints an entirely different picture of their home life and situation than the reality; before she knows, he has everyone eating out of the palm of his hand before she can even try rebuttal anything.

he's given full time custody.

she's given nothing, not even contact, unless approved by neil himself.

neil never approves.

billy sneaks one call in though, because he's just like her, and he never gives up.

her heart feels like it’s breaking right down the middle, never to be repaired, and she knows he's too young to understand or comprehend, but she doesn't know how to explain to him the gravity of the situation. doesn't know how to tell him that if someone found out they made contact, that her chances of overruling the court order could be jeopardised. so she takes a page out of neils book, even though it tastes like acid in her mouth and makes her cry herself to sleep, and makes her voice as firm as it can go, tell's him that she had to go, to not call her again.

she'll hear billy crying 'i don't understand!' until the day she dies, she knows.

she works and fights for years. learns more about divorce and the child's court system than she ever expected to know, and tries everything she can to finally see him again. has long since moved on from the pipe dream of full custody, and is now just trying for visitation rights.

slowly, she gets somewhere. unfortunately, everything she gets approved for has to go through neil first, and neil blocks her at every turn. he answers every call, and hangs up every time. all letters are returned, unopened, never making it to billy's hands.

(billy completely unaware of everything. forbidden to answer the phone, never seeing any mail addressed to him. isn't even aware that his parents are even in contact, let alone at war.)

before she knows it, he's lived more life without her than with her, she's missed more birthdays with him than celebrated, and soon he won't even legally be a child.

sometimes she thinks maybe if she just waits ‘til he's legally an adult, then she can try reach out, and neil won't have any leg to stand on. her and billy will be free. but then she remembers neil, she remembers how he tried to raise him, how the purpose of this arrangement wasn't for neil's benefit, but for her and billy's punishment's. she remembers billy's voice on the phone, crying, begging her to take him too.

she promised herself she wouldn't give up, and she won't.

she writes him another letter, but instead of folding it up and putting it in an envelope, hargrove residence address dotted on the front, she simply folds the piece of paper, writes 'for billy' on the outside, and calls in an old family friend. someone that was around in the early days of her and neil, close enough to still probably be in town, but distant enough to hopefully not be too chummy with neil. it's risky, but she's desperate.

luck seems to be on her side though, because she barely explains the situation before he's nodding along and taking the note. promises her that he'll have it delivered asap; neil won't know a thing.

she hugs him and thanks him repeatedly before she sits and waits. takes a moment to think about how this might take more than a few hours, but like fuck is she gonna miss whatever happens next.

billy and max are hanging out at the skate park on a sunny as fuck day when it happens. billy's sitting at the top of the half pipe, legs dangling over the edge while he has a smoke, when he hears his name get called out. he looks over to see some old guy trying to get his attention, nodding his head over and holding up a piece of paper, and billy's two seconds away from telling him to fuck off, except he looks vaguely familiar in a distant kind of way, and billy kinda wants to know what the fucks up. he grabs his board before sliding down and cautiously walking over, glaring at the guy holding out the letter. billy reaches out and grabs it.

"good luck, kid," the guy says, then walks away.

"the fuck?" billy stares after him as he goes, then looks back down at the letter in his hand. he flips it over and reads the neat and cursive 'for billy' on the front, the flips it open.

max takes one look at his face, which has lost all it's colour, and chooses that moment to wander over and try to casually take a peek. the second he realises he's got an audience, he quickly shoves the note into his pocket and wipes a hand over his face, quickly pulling himself together.

"fuck off, shitbird," he basically growls.

max levels him with a glare but takes off on her board, rolling her eyes at his dramatics. she didn't even get a chance to read a single word.

billy shoots a look at a bunch of middle schoolers hogging a park bench that’s mostly secluded, and after they all flee, takes a seat to read the letter properly in peace.

the letter doesn't say too much, just that his mom's fighting for him, and she's never stopped fighting for him. that she loves him, and she's sorry it's taken her so long, and that she promises, soon, they'll see each other again, if that's something he still wants.

it's been 9 years, give or take, since he's seen his mom, and the longer it's drawn out, the angrier he's got. he's well aware he's got abandonment issues, and he's pretty sure they all started with her, from the very second she told him to stop calling her, and they’ve only grown with every second she hasn't been in contact since.

but the second he reads the letter, the moment 'i've never stopped fighting for you' digs and etches itself onto his brain, the anger he has just drains out of him, and suddenly he's seven years old again, desperate to see her.

he folds the note as small as he can, and slips it in the smaller hidden pocket of his jeans that he's never known a function for, and guards that pocket like it's his only hope. scrubs at his face with his hands to make sure there's no evidence of any tears, and schools his face into the usual scowl.

he hangs back and chills on the bench until max is ready to go, in absolutely no hurry to get home, then spends the entire trip back ignoring her and her 50 questions. max gets pissed pretty quickly with the silent treatment, and within two blocks has turned the silent treatment back on him.

later on, while billy’s finishing a late assignment under neil’s watchful gaze and max is helping her mom out in the kitchen, things fall apart.

susan asks how max’s day was, and before billy can even attempt to signal for her to keep her mouth shut, she’s telling her mom about the weird guy giving billy letters at the park. susan turns to him and starts talking about stranger danger and accepting things from people he doesn’t know in public places, and billy has no choice but to nod along and agree. he casts a glance over at his dad and finds him looking straight at him.

billy swallows and wipes his hands on his jeans before trying to focus back on his school work and prays his dad will drop it.

billy’s never that lucky.

he hears his dad stand up slowly from his armchair and make his way towards the kitchen.

“what’s this about a letter?” neil asks casually, walking up to the table.

billy glances at max and susan, then back to his dad.

“nothing,” billy grips his pencil tightly and makes sure his voice keeps steady. “just some guy trying to get people to go to his band’s gig. he handed out flyers to the whole skatepark.”

he makes sure to not break eye contact and hopes it’s enough.

“he called you by name, and you were the only one who got a note,” max points out, looking at billy like he’s lost his mind. billy kinda wants to fucking strangle her. he swallows, and continues to keep eye contact with neil.

“most guys know my name there, it was noth-”

“where is it?” neil cuts him off.

“where’s what?” playing dumb hasn’t really worked for him before, but billy’s willing to try again.

“where’s the letter, billy.” neil’s not asking anymore. billy can feel his palms getting clammy.

“i threw it out.” billy wishes his voice didn’t waver, that he could keep his shit together, but he can feel himself breaking under the weight.

neil looks at him for a second longer before walking with purpose straight to billy’s room. billy quickly pushes his chair out and follows him, almost running into his back when neil stops dead in the doorway.

“you tell me where the letter is, or i tear apart this room until i find it. your choice, son,” neil doesn’t even bother turning around to say it to his face.

billy closes his eyes and thinks about the letter currently burning a hole in his pocket, ‘i’ve never stopped fighting for you’ flashing in his memory, and suddenly the anger that left him earlier is back full force.

“I don’t. fucking. have it,” he spits out.

neil finally turns to him and raises an eyebrow, a silent ‘you sure you wanna do this’ look, and- fuck it. his mom basically fucking hand delivered a letter to him just to tell him that she’s still out there, and she’s coming for him.

billy just raises an eyebrow back then throws his arms out in a ‘be my guest’ gesture. takes a step back so he can lean against the doorway and watch.

neil upturns everything he can get his hands on, breaks his flimsy bedside table, rips the sheets off his bed, empties out all his drawers, pulls out all his clothes. throws all his records and knickknacks on the ground. comes up empty.

billy can feel the anger running through his veins, watching his dad destroy his room and all his possessions. max and susan have came over to see what the commotion’s about and are watching on in horror.

“give me the letter, billy,” neil says slowly, breathing heavily, getting right up in billy’s space, “now.”

billy looks him dead in the eye.

“no,” he breathes out, no hesitation.

“give me the letter, now, billy!” neil slams his hand against the doorway, just above billy’s head, finally losing any calm he had.

"no," he repeats, leaning right back into his dads space, a half feral smile starting to spread across his face. his dad's so fucking mad. billy usually doesn't get this far under his skin on purpose, but god it feels good to be in control for once.

neil slides a hand down his face and takes a deep breath before straightening up, focusing back on his son.

"give me your car keys," neil says, holding his hand out expectantly.

billy grinds his jaw before reaching a hand around and grabbing his keys from the shelf by the door, smacking them down in neil's hands.

neil shoves past him and makes his way outside, the whole family following. billy catches sight of max's face, her wide eyes, and clenches his hands at his sides. if she had just kept her fucking mouth shut.

by the time billy and the girls make it out the front, neil's already tore into every compartment of his car.

"i told you, i don't have it," billy repeats again.

"neil, honey, he say's he doesn't have it, maybe-," susan tries, but neil's not having it.

"empty your pockets," neil says, climbing out of the camaro and walking right up to billy, leaving barely a space between them.

"empty. your. pockets," he repeats, slowly, quietly, dead calm.

billy lifts his chin a bit, glaring defiantly, but he can feel his heart pick up the pace, and sweat start to gather on his forehead.

he empties his pockets.

places his pack of smokes, his lighter, a two day old receipt, and a ring that he took off earlier onto his dads hands. waits.

neil looks down at what billy's discarded and silently fumes. billy clenches his jaw, then breathes out a quiet, "i don't have it."

his father holds his gaze before nodding.

"okay."

he moves past billy, past susan and max, and heads back to his armchair.

"fix up your room, it's a mess," then looks at susan and gestures to the fridge. she instantly gets the message and quickly moves to grab him out a beer.

max looks between them all like she doesn't understand what just happened, and billy can't fucking deal with this. he heads back to his room, getting ready to try salvage what he can.

doesn’t dare bring the letter out from its hiding spot, doesn’t even touch a hand to that pocket, just in case his dad can just sense it.

thinks, prays, that that’ll be the end of it. that neil would actually let it go.

he should’ve known better.

they sit down for dinner the next night, and no one’s mentioning what happened yesterday, but it’s sitting heavily in the air. max still looks like she’s trying to figure out what the fuck happened, susan looks like she’s trying to pretend everything’s normal, like nothing’s out of the ordinary, and his dad digs into his food like he does every other night, like he didn’t lose his absolute shit the night before. billy falls for it, believing for just a few minutes that his dad’s moved past it.

it’s when his dad’s finished his dinner that the other shoe finally drops.

“i talked to my boss today,” he starts, “and there’s a job opening in a different warehouse. we leave on friday.”

susan looks speechless, and max looks livid, but billy can feel the floor slipping out from underneath him.

“neil. what-” susan starts, before trailing off uselessly, before finally picking her next question. “where?”

“hawkins,” neil responds, wiping at his face with a cloth before pushing his plate away, “indiana.”

“what the fuck?” billy drops his knife and fork and throws a hand out, “indiana?”

“indiana? indiana?” max yells, completely disregarding neil and throwing all her anger at her mother.

“neil, we should talk about this, i mean-” susan tries, but falls silent when neil shoots her a look.

“we move,” he levels them all with a look, one at a time, “on friday. no questions.”

“what about my dad? what about my friends?” max bites out, levelling neil a look right back.

billy feels like he can’t fucking breathe, wants to tell her that neil doesn’t give a flying fuck about her dad, couldn’t care less about keeping them separated - just look at the situation they’re in now - but theres a lump in his throat, and he doesn’t think he could talk right now if he tried.

“phones exist, maxine” neil responds, ending the conversation there and then, pushing his chair out and heading to the living room.

susan has her head in her hands but quickly picks herself up and tries to do damage control with max, even if max doesn’t seem to be having a bar of it.

billy’s fucking shaking. doesn’t even know where to begin to fix this. there was no phone number in the letter, no forwarding address, no contact information. just his mom telling him she’s trying, she’s doing everything she can.

there’s only gonna be so much she can do if neil drags him half way across the fucking country.

he’s only had the hope of his mother coming back into his life for just over a day and he’s already grown so attached to the idea that the thought of it no longer happening has him spiralling in ways he’s never felt before.

fuck.

(they move on the friday. arrive on a sunday. billy builds his new room from the ground up, his bed frame and mattress along side a few items of clothes and bedside table objects being the only survivors of neils rampage. everything else he improvises or goes without.

him and max are on the outs. billy unable to see past his own rage and grief, and so so quick to blame, and max just as angry and emotional as he is, but with only half the picture, fully ready to give it right back.

billy hoping and praying that somehow, his mum figured out that neil moved them. that she knows where he is, how to find him. but the longer he goes without another letter, the more it sinks in that it’s too late. the small window they had is closed.

neil watches him like a hawk now, makes him chauffeur max around town, keeps on top of him about his grades, his extra curricular activities. their new house in hawkins is bigger, but billy’s never felt so trapped.

max has a bat in her hands, and billy was standing, but now he’s on the floor, and there’s other kids around cheering her on, there’s blood on his hands, and this isn’t the night billy had planned, but this is the night billy got. he listens to her tell him to stay away, watches as she swings the bat, hears her yell ‘say it’, can feel whatever the fuck she injected him with running though his veins, and wants to scream.

he didn’t realise how much of neil got to her, too. wishes neil got to her in the same way he got to him, that she would just fucking understand, then hates himself for it.

that’s the one thing that him and sue can agree on, that max stays out of it.

they settle on a truce eventually. billy so fucking tired, can’t hold onto the constant anger anymore, and max never really knowing the real reason they were fighting to begin with. the older she gets, the more of the picture she sees, but they never show her all the colours, and she’s already discovered her own monsters in this town, she can’t handle the idea of them living in her own home, so she tries her hardest to look the other way.

it’s not easy though, and it doesn’t take much for the illusion to shatter.

her and billy going from having a truce, to having an actual understanding. she’s still none the wiser about his mother, and billy’s never gonna just open up and spill his guts, but she knows enough. has had one or two of her own run-ins with neil. knows how to read the room now from the second she steps in the house, the way billy’s always been able to.

he’s not actually that bad of a brother to have, now that she’s finally getting to know him.

that’s the only thought going though her head, when she watches him stand up to the mindflayer.

she watches him take on an inter-dimensional monster, a monster that el can only fight with her supernatural powers, that will had to get burned out of him, a monster that can tear apart the literal fabric of the universe, and thinks, he was never actually that bad of brother, when she finally started to understand him.

sees him use nothing but his bare hands to fight back, to save el and her, to save all of them, and wants to throw up. her minds screaming at her to run towards him, to pull him away, for them all to run, but she can’t fucking move, all she can do is watch.

the monster finally falls, but so does billy, and when max’s feet finally find movement, she’s running to his side as fast as she can. she begs and pleads and cries, trying so fucking hard to help get him through this, but all he does is look at her, tears in his eyes and and covered in blood, and chokes out an i’m sorry.

max feels his last breath leave him, and feels the second his heart stops beating and thinks, i’ll never get the chance to fully know him, now.

billy’s written out to be a hero in the local news reports, saving them all from a tragic fire, and everyone around town offers their condolences every chance they get. max wants to hit something. she dreads going out, doesn’t wanna see a single pitying look. has stopped answering the front door, doesn’t wanna eat another fucking casserole from patricia, who lives two houses down, who’s married to harry, who accused billy of stealing his garden shit like once a fucking week, getting billy in the shit with neil, constantly.

a month passes, and things are tense. neil’s drinking more than ever, having lost his job just two days after billy’s funeral. her mum’s trying to keep things together, but there’s only so much she can do when nobody else is willing.

max sure as fuck isn’t about to try and play happy families.

it’s on a thursday night when the doorbell rings, and max tightens the grip on her fork.

“you’d think they’d have run out of recipes to try on us,” max mutters dully, before shoving some mash potato in her mouth.

“ignore it,” neil says to susan, completely disregarding max, before going back to his own dinner.

the doorbell rings again, and then again a third time, and a fourth time. susan grows tenser with every bell that chimes, and max looks between both adults, waiting to see who’ll break first.

neil slams his knife and fork down on the table before shoving his chair out and storming towards the door, ripping it open. susan follows quickly, and max rolls her eyes before following as well. it’s been at least a week since the last neighbour tried to shove food at them, and maybe it might be some baked goods from mrs. taylor this time. at least she can actually bake.

max doesn’t recognise the person at the front door, but it’s clear neil does.

she has long wavy blonde hair, terrified eyes, and looks like she’s ready to go to war.

“where is he?” she asks, her arms folded and hands white knuckling in their grip. “he’s eighteen now, you can’t keep me away.”

max feels her stomach sink.

“he’s been eighteen for months now,” neil says back, monotonous.

max watches the terrified look get overshadowed by anger.

“do you have any idea how long it took me to find you, to find him, after you up and left?” she takes a stop forward and throws a hand out, giving neil a filthy look before breathing out and looking away.

her eyes have turned to water, and max watches as she wipes at her eyes the exact same way billy did when neil got him to turn to water at the kitchen table.

“well,” neil starts, some emotion creeping back into his voice, “you’re too fucking late.”

neil slams the door in her face.)

(billy’s mum sticks around, because she refuses to leave without answers, not after searching for her baby for almost eleven years, and now, finally getting so fucking close she could touch.

she can’t touch, though, because there’s six feet of earth between them. her baby boy’s in a wooden box, buried deep underground, with dead flowers at his grave- flowers that have probably been there since the day of his funeral - because no one’s been to visit him.

she touches his headstone gently, traces the words ‘gone but not forgotten’ with her fingertips, and she’s spent the entire time since susan tried to brokenly explain everything denying it, but right here, looking at his grave, she can’t anymore. once the first tear slips, they don’t stop.

susan stands a small distance away, max just beside her, and feels the guilt and smallest hint of relief crush her.

guilt at never knowing who this person was, never even knowing she was trying to reach out. guilt for accepting everything neil every told her without question or fight. guilt for every occasion she looked the other way, the way she complied every time neil said he’d parent his son, and she’d parent her daughter.

guilt at the bone-deep relief that it’s billy in the grave, and not max.

susan still doesn’t know what happened for sure that night, all the details never quite adding up, but the only solid thing max would give her was that billy saved her. billy died to save them all.

one time, susan spent some of their savings on fixing the kitchen sink. when neil got home and saw the little money jar on the bench emptier than when he’d left for work, he instantly accused billy. it has been the last day of school that day, with no commitments to be at for at least a week.

neil didn’t hold back.

billy tried to reason that he wouldn’t be stupid enough to try and steal money from the extremely obvious savings jar, especially when he already had a job and income of his own, but the more billy denied it, the angrier neil got.

neil didn’t get violent with billy in front of her often, but he seemed to be on a hair trigger that night, and susan didn’t know where to even begin to try stop it.

she tried to step in gently, to tell neil that it was her, that the sink needed some maintenance. he didn’t listen to a word she said. she gave up without a fight.

it wasn’t until later that night that susan found out that neil’d got his second warning at work, one more warning and he’d be fired. he claimed he didn’t deserve the warnings, that saving money didn’t mean cutting corners, just meant he knew how to do his job efficiently. his boss didn’t agree.

she tried to justify it to herself that billy probably would’ve copped it that night either way.

billy came out to the kitchen the next morning with a swollen face and a barely noticeable limp and got himself a glass of water. turned the tap on with extra force since it’d been fucking up lately, only for it to turn on without any effort at all, no noise or clunks either. he turned to look at susan, look at the money jar, then clenched his jaw and abandoned his still full cup in the sink, and locked himself up in his room, his music blaring just a second later.

he barely acknowledged her for a week.

now, as she stands back and watches his mother weep, she thinks she may never be able to forgive herself.

thinks that if someone ripped max away from her, and she finally found her again after searching for basically max’s entire life, only to find her in a casket, after living with someone so spineless they couldn’t even protect her, that she would never be okay again.)

(max not knowing how to talk to billy’s mum. leaving the room every time she enters it. not knowing how to handle the fact that she’s alive, and billy’s dead, and she just stood back and watched.

just wanting to go to sleep and never wake up on the nights she stays up too late thinking about how she stood by and watched him die a slower and more painful death long before the mind flayer ever came into the picture.

billy’s mum’s not having it, is the thing.

she’s read the articles, listened to the towns people talk. heard all praise about her sons heroics as well as the quiet re-tellings of his delinquent ways. listened to the whispers about his reckless california driving, his dangerous and careless attitude, only for them to paste a sympathetic smile on their face when she rounds the corner, muttering about how he died too young, was taken too soon. the police telling her how this town lost a lot of people that night, but her sons final actions saved more than he could ever know, except they say his name like they’re pushing it through gritted teeth, and she wants to scream. her baby boy died to save his little sister and her friends, and this town will never forgive him for being the teenager he was raised to be.

she tries so fucking hard to talk to max at every given chance, just so she can hear about him though her eyes.

max cracks eventually. she leans into the part of her that billy carved out and shaped himself, the side of her that jumps straight to anger and rage and disbelief. yells at his mum for leaving him in the first place, of fucking up her only son beyond belief, then after watching his mum take it so fucking gracefully and so fucking deeply, turning on herself. spits out about how much of a shit show this family really was. how she was just his shitty little sister. how they hated each other most days, and had only just started to get along. how she never should've been in that mall in the first place, and billy sure as hell shouldn’t have been there either. how he never should have died, especially the way he did, because he was never meant to be a part of it to begin with. how it’s her fault. how she could have, should have, saved him, but she froze up, because she was scared, she was fucking terrified, and so billy took it, and now he’s dead. and it’s all her fault.

when she finally looks back at his mum, there’s tears streaming down her face, and she has a hand over her mouth trying to stifle any sobs, but she’s still looking at max with such fucking soft eyes, and then she’s slowly walking towards her with her arms open wide, and max is falling into them and breaking down before she can think of running away.

billy’s mum carding a hand through her hair and telling her that it’s okay, that she’s gonna be okay, that it’s not her fault. starts telling her about how billy’s always been a do first, think later person, that he’s had the biggest heart she ever knew since the second he came into her life. how he use to try and protect her from neil, no matter the consequence. that he’s been protecting his family since before he even knew what it meant, or that he was even doing it. it was just how he was. how that’s how she knows max must’ve been important to him, because she still doesn’t quite know what happened in that fire, but she knows in her heart that billy knew exactly what he was doing in his last moments, and it was making sure max got home safely, and that’s probably all that mattered to him. that max made it home.

she was family to him, and therefore max was family to her.

she’s gonna spend the rest of her life with regrets and a sadness so deep that it’ll never be moved, but she got to meet the person, and the people, that billy died saving, and it’s never gonna be the same as the future she had dreamed about, the one she’s spent the past eleven years planning, but this is all she’s got. she’s gonna miss her son until her last breath, but she’s so so so fucking happy that billy had someone in his life that he cared about so deeply, he was willing to give it all up for her.)

(billy’s mum visiting his grave every chance she gets, and starting off every visit with an apology. telling him about the first time she held him in her arms, how he changed her life forever, and how she promised him that they’d both make it out of this life alive. how she’s so so so fucking sorry she failed him, and she was gonna spend the rest of her life making it up to him.

updating him on max and susan, about how neil left, just fucking walked out one day, taking most the money with him, but it’s okay, cos she offered up the spare room and the pull out couch in her trailer to them, and max is now claiming part time custody of the neighbours dog.

tells him about how max told her about the time he tried to teach her to surf, and she was so so so bad at it, but he kept dragging her out into the waves after spending what felt like hours on the shore teaching her the steps, and finally it clicked, and max still remembers the look on billy’s face the first time she caught her first wave. remembers how he fucking laughed at her when she inevitably wiped out.

tells him how susan seems to walk on eggshells around her, thanking her everyday for giving them a place to stay, and how once she’s back on her feet, they’ll be out of her hair. how she has her suspicions about why susan looks at her with such guilt in her eyes, but she knows what it’s like to be married to neil hargrove, and while there’s a part of her that’s so so so angry, she fucking gets it. she understands it in the most horrifying way possible, and she’s already made her peace with it.

she’s just so fucking sorry that billy spent so long thinking it was him against the world. that she abandoned him, that max had someone love her enough in the house to keep her safe, but billy believed he had no one.

she tells him that max gave her his jacket, and after not being able to hold it without crying for the first month, she finally had a proper look at it. how she found the note in a secret pocket on the inside of the chest. the letter she wrote to him, what feels like so long ago now, looking a little worse for wear, like it had been folded up and clenched tightly every single day, a couple of watermarks blurring some of the words. pulls out the only picture she has on him from when he was so so little, a toddler on her hip, them both grinning in the sun and sand. how its creased to hell and back and so fucking faded that you cant even tell the colour of her hat, but his smile lights up the picture anyway, and how most days, it was the only thing getting her through. how she hoped with everything she has that he was happy, but that if he wasn’t, that she gets it. and she’s so fucking sorry. and that one day, she’ll see him again, and she can’t fucking wait.)

#I DON't KNOW. can u tell ive never been divorced or had a custody battle over a child.#okay thats a lie. the parents of the kid i nannyd split and it got messy and i was asked to appear in count in favour of both but like. hmm #ANYWAY. modern au where his mum sends the letter earlier and drops her number #and billy fucking reaches out himself on his friends phone becos hes not stupid #and things are Tense and Awkward and Rough but they fucking TALK and billy gets his MOTHER and they have to talk in secret for SO LONG #becos neither of them is risking The Neil of It All when this line of communication they have is so fucking fragile #but then EVENTUALLY; after neil's dragged the family to hawkins; and billy and max have made their feelings about the choice Known #and after max has caught onto the fact that billy's in contact with his mum and is now billy's mum's honorary daughter #she comes to town! and billy IS alive.#AND! actually no the au of this is actually alive and kicking in my head and i cannot explain the vibe of it all through tags. i can't #anyway whatever idk what this is i'm sorry i'm SORRY #m #nqff

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scottishaccentsareawesome · 2 years

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Just Imagine It though...

Steve, Robin, Nancy and Eddie were all fighting off the demobats in the Upside Down.

And then, all of a sudden, from behind them, they all hear

“...Am I dreaming, or is that you, Harrington?”

They all turn around, shocked, none more than Steve, when they see the tall curly-haired blonde standing about ten feet away.

He is dirty, and bloody, and sweaty....but it’s him.

it’s Billy fucking Hargrove.

When Steve finally finds his voice, he says the first thing that comes to mind...

“...Yeah, it’s me, don’t cream your pants.”

#stranger things 4 au #harringrove #billy hargrove is alive #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things 2 callback

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b-ritney · 1 year

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That feeling of Eddie or Billy or Steve firmly wrapping their hand around your throat while they make out with you... not necessarily sexual just like... "You can let go, I've got you, I'm in control."

excuse me while i NUT lmao

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straykidsnerd255 · 2 years

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Why do you love me?

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Female Reader

Genre: HEAVY ANGST(at the beginning), happy end

Song: Gonna be ok- Brent Morgan(acoustic or original)

WARNING: Mentions of abuse, Child abuse, Billy crying, Billy begging, Neil and his grade A parenting, Neil being and asshole, blood, wounds, Panic Attacks, mentions of suicide(PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF IT TRIGGERS YOU! THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS HURT SOMEONE! If you need to talk, please come and talk to me! My messages are open 24/7, I will listen to you!❤️❤️)

Character’s: Billy Hargrove, Y/n, Max, Steve Harrington, Eddie (Alive Au), The gremlin kiddos, Joyce, Hopper, Susan, Neil

Summary: Billy has had it with his life. He says goodbye to Max and asks her to forgive him before he leaves and goes to his lifelong best friend and girlfriend’s house at 10 o’clock at night. He hopes that she will forgive him when he tells her he wants to die. She takes it into her hands to comfort him and make sure he knows that she loves him. The best way to do that, sing to him, and Hopper telling him something that would change his life forever.

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 2727

Billy knew that he would be in huge trouble when he got home. His father had told him to be home by midnight and he was slowly creeping closer to the house at 4am. He swallowed the fear down before parking the car in the driveway and closing his eyes. He wished to the high heavens that no one was awake and that he would be able to go to bed and no one would ask about anything. Luck was not on his side. He parked a good block from his house and walked back home. He opened the door as quietly as he could, but as he entered the house, a beer bottle crashed next to his head. He jumped slightly and turned to see his father staring him down.

“Where the hell have you been? I told you to be home by midnight and here you are walking in four hours late!” Neil stood from the chair and started walking closer to Billy. Billy tensed up and started biting his tongue. “I am sorry sir. My car broke down and I couldn’t get a hold of anyone.” Billy lied in hopes that his father would give him a harsh warning and leave him alone. That’s not the case, ever. Neil grabbed Billy’s arm a little too tightly that Billy yelped. Max and her mother came running down the stairs in hopes that they could calm Neil down before he did something harmful to Billy. Max got to the bottom of the stairs only to watch Neil slam her step-brother against the wall, his hand around Billy’s throat.

Billy felt his body collide with the wall and everything went blank. His father was screaming at him with one hand around his throat and the other hand hitting him harder than he remembered ever being hit. Tears spilled down his face as he held his lips shut. He refused to cry out knowing that would give his father a known pleasure for beating him. When he couldn’t feel the onslaught of beatings, he looked up to see Max and Susan pushing the man out the door yelling at him and him yelling back. Max ran to his side and pressed her hands against his face. Tears fell down her face and landed on him, making him blink away the expressionless look. “M-Max?” His voice sounded hollow and broken from how hard he was restraining his voice.

“I’m here Billy. Neil’s gone. He won’t be coming back for a while.”

Billy shook his head and sobbed. He sobbed for the first time in years. “I-I can’t take it anymore M-Max! I have bruises and welts from that man! I can’t live here anymore.” He cried out in pain. Max pressed her forehead to her step-brother’s and closed her eyes. “I know. I know. Mom is gonna do everything she can to get him away from you. She’s gonna try and adopt you.” Max whispered softly. Billy stopped his movements and looked at her with wide eyes. “A-Adopt me?” He asked. Billy looked down and tried to process what Max just told her.

Max nodded her head. “Yes. My mother would adopt you and you would become my actual brother, not that you being my step-brother is bad, but you would have a mother again and you could feel love again.” She said, a smile appearing on her face. Billy narrowed his eyes. He wasn’t even remotely ready to allow love into his life at this point. He had been hurt so badly by his father and his mother that he shut himself off from love. He had detached himself from love and feelings the minute his father laid the first fist against his stomach. He could remember tasting blood for weeks. He couldn’t even go to the hospital as it would risk him being found out by his father.

Billy slowly stood from the ground. He straightened his shirt and looked at Max with tears falling down his face. “I’m sorry Max, please forgive me for everything that I ever did to you, or your friends. I-“ he could finish his sentence as he just bolted out the door. He ripped his keys from his pocket and climbed into his car. He gave one last look to his sister and saw her standing on the porch with tears streaming down her face as she screamed his name out. Billy slammed his hand on the storing wheel before he turned the car on and sped out of the driveway and down the street. He shot off the world as he drove to the only place that he knew he would be safe again. Your house.

{With Y/N}

You were currently in your kitchen making dinner, spaghetti that is. Yes it was 4:30am and yes you just got home from work and you were starving. You put the finishing touches to the food and you were about to sit down when you heard knocking on your front door. You wiped your hands off on the towel before walking to your door. “Who is it?” You called out. “Please open the door Y/n, I can’t take it anymore.” You gasped and threw open the door to find Billy, in tears, blood gushing from his lip and his eyebrow. He had a black eye and was shivering. You quickly pulled him into the house and sat him on the couch.

You grabbed your first aid kit and started to go from the smaller wounds to the much bigger wounds. Some were open wounds and needed to be stitched but you didn’t have time to get him to the hospital. You had graduated high school early for your age and immediately went and applied for a CNA position. You grabbed the needle and thread and very carefully began to stitch the wounds that needed it. Billy grimaced when you started, but he was thankful that you had numbed the area before. It was quiet for a while before you spoke up. “I’m calling Hopper and Joyce.” You stated, giving no room to argue.

Billy sighed but nodded his head and lifted his not occupied hand and pressed it to your face. He traced over your nose and eyes before they landed on your lips. He smiled softly before his intrusive thoughts blew his walls down. “She could be with someone so much better than you.” “You don’t deserve her kindness.” “You deserve to live in the pits of hell for what you have done.” “Why would she want someone as broken as you?” “You know she is only with you out of pity.” The voices in his head were thrown off balance when he caught you staring at him. Your eyes were half lidded with a determination to stop whatever was going on in his head. You gently grabbed Billy’s face as you stood up.

“Don’t you DARE belittle yourself.” You said, anger flashing in your eyes. The anger, he realized, was not directed at him though. It was directed somewhere else. You grabbed the phone from the wall and punched in Hopper’s number. You waited and after the fourth ring, Hopper’s groggy and sleep filled voice echoed from the phone. “Hello? Who is this?”

“Hopper, It's Y/n. I need you, Joyce, and the kiddo’s to come to my place. I know they are staying at your’s and Joyce’s place for a sleepover.” You said. Hopper snorted but you could hear him shaking someone awake and standing up. You turned your head when you heard a fantic knock on your door. “We will be over in thirty minutes, kid.” Hopper said before hanging up the phone. You hung up the phone and walked to the door. Opening the door, you saw Max with her hands on her hips and breathing hard. “Is…Is Billy here?” She huffed. You nodded and moved out of the way so she could walk in.

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t…” Billy could feel his breathing start to quicken and his body was slowly shutting down. “Y/n please make the pain leave, I can’t be here. I can’t live anymore. I want to die.” Billy grabbed your hands when you walked closer to him. Your eyes filled with tears as he kept mumbling how badly he wanted to die. You dropped to your knees and his eyes followed you. He was struggling to breath as his body shook violently. “Baby, look at him. Breathe.” You said as you took a deep, slow breath.

Billy copied your movements and found himself slowly relaxing. You gently took his still shaking hand and pressed it to your chest when your heart was. The steady thumping pulled Billy from his mind and allowed himself to be grounded. Max scooted closer to Billy’s side and laid her head on his arm. You turned to Max, “Can you go next door and get Steve, Eddie, Robin, Jonathan, and Nancy?” You asked. Max nodded her head and gently pulled away from her brother.

You slowly stood up and walked to your room. Billy panicked when he saw you leave. “Don’t worry baby. I’m just grabbing something from my room. Ok?” You whispered. Billy slowly nodded his head and watched you disappear from his sight. A few moments later, you came back with a guitar in your hand. You smiled when you saw him stare at the instrument. “What’s that for?” He asked. “Just listen for a little bit. Playing always helps me calm my mind down, so maybe it can help you.” You whispered. You strummed the strings to make sure it was still in tune before you began playing a melody your mother and father always played for you when you were little.

Don't listen to the voices inside your head

You're doing just fine

You're trying your best

And no-one ever told you it's all gonna be okay

We're just people never sleeping over stupid shit

We won't remember in the morning

Yeah, we're gonna forget

And no-one ever told you it's all gonna be okay

When you lose faith in everything you ever knew

Don't give up on you

When life gets overwhelming

Relying on yourself is hard to do

But don't give up on you, no

If you've been lost and lonely

Ashamed to be alone with only you

And no-one left to lose

If it's the last thing that you do

Don't give up on you

Billy’s eyes widened as you sang. The sound of the guitar sounded so calming to his ears. The words seemed to stick with him as you sang. He tuned out the rest of the words as he listened to your voice. You opened your eyes and turned to see Max walking into the room with Steve and the others. You could even see Hopper waving at her with the others. She smiled and continued to sing. Billy closed his eyes and bounced his head to your singing. Eddie came and sat next to you with a grin. You kept singing and playing knowing the song was almost done. You stopped playing when the last note played and you placed the guitar against the couch.

“Billy.” You called out. Billy opened his eyes to see everyone seated on the floor with you or next to him. Hopper raised an eyebrow. “Kid, why are you covered in bandages and why do you have stitches over your eyebrow and arm?” He asked, walking closer to Billy. Billy told him everything that happened. You watched Hopper’s face grow from tired, to full blown rage. He placed a hand on Billy’s head and noted the way the boy flinched when he did that. You moved and sat on his lap while Hopper walked into a different room with Joyce to talk with her. Billy’s arms wrapped around your body and held you tightly.

“You have nothing to worry about anymore Billy.” Eddie’s voice called out. Everyone turned to Eddie. “I’m serious. He’s a part of us now. He gets to enjoy life like the rest of us now.” He said. Everyone still looked at him with raised eyebrows. Eddie groaned and threw an empty bottle at Dustin. “What the hell did I do?!” He yelled with a smile on his face. Dustin threw the bottle back at Eddie causing a small playful fight to break out. Billy watched before he started laughing with everyone else. You smiled at him before turning to watch the chaos unfold in your living room.

“Why do you love me?” Billy’s sudden question made everyone stop. You turned and stared your boyfriend down with a look of betrayal. “You dumb idiot. I love you because you let me be my goofy ass self and I know you won’t look at me differently. They love you because you keep them on their feet with your weird ass impulsive nature. The two of us together, I have heard from a little birdy, are and I quote Steve and Eddie, “A FREAKIN MENACE TO SOCIETY.” You laughed when Steve and Eddie tried to refuse that statement.

“We love you Billy, because you are you. Cheesy as that sounds, it's a hundred percent true. Plus, you befriend us means you get an army of gremlins and ex-criminals to protect you.” Robin said. Everyone burst into a fit of laughter. Billy laid his head on your shoulder before tilting his head and pressing a kiss to your neck. “I love you. Thank you for saving me.” He whispered so only you could hear it. You smiled. “Anything for you baby.” You whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead before turning to see Hopper and Joyce.

“Billy, how would you feel if me and Joyce adopted you and Max?” Hopper asked. Billy’s eyes widened and Max practically jumped for joy. “I could teach you what a real man is and help undo what your old man did to you. If you’ll let me.” Hopper said. Billy smiled a genuine smile and nodded his head. “I honestly would love that. Thank you, dad.” Billy said. You grinned and pulled your boyfriend in for a hug and Hopper grinned. “Alright, it's settled then. I will get statements from you and Max tomorrow morning and get adoption paper’s set up.” Hopper said smiling. Joyce walked over to Max and Billy before pulling the two in for a hug.

“Welcome home.” She whispered, causing tears to spring into Billy’s eyes. “I’m home.” He whispered back and Joyce smiled, pulling him into her as she hugged him tightly. “You don’t have to worry about anything anymore.” Joyce said before pulling away and smiling brightly at him. Billy grinned from ear to ear before turning back to you. “I love you.” He said laying his head on your shoulder and closing his eyes. You smiled softly. “I love you too. Sleep well Billy. We have a big day tomorrow.” She whispered. Everyone eventually just crashed in the living room with you and Billy sleeping on the couch. Yeah. This was a big family and you wouldn’t change a thing.

#Billy Hargrove x female reader #Billy Hargrove #Alive Billy Au #Fluff #HEAVY ANGST #Sad #Billy crying #Billy deserved better #Billy redemption #Neil is a grade a ASSHOLE #Billy and Max are great siblings #fluff at the end #Happy Ending #Hopper adopts Billy and Max #Hopper would be a fantastic dad for Billy

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nympippi · 1 year

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Necromancer Finney AU: Before they grew into their personalities, would the recently revived Ghost Boys be in any forms of comatose? Like, would they just sit there quietly staring at nothing with a blank expression on their faces, not reacting to anything due to being revived from the dead

Mmm not necessarily, when the boys were first revived they were very freaked out and lashed out a lot, and cried too. Griffin was sobbing and clutching onto whoever or whatever he could get his hands on, Vance was yelling, and screaming at everyone thinking that this was some kind of trick, PB was confused and refused to let anyone touch him, Robin was also a little disoriented and refused to let anyone touch him and also thought it was a trick, and lastly Bruce was the only one silent, he thought he was still dead and was so confused by all the noise but tried to not acknowledge it.

All of them thought it was a cruel trick and when they saw Finn in their basement beside his own grave they burst out crying because they really thought he was killed and they refused to believe they were alive and had been brought back.

But they do stare at walls kinda spacing out and just get stuck in their own heads, reliving what happened to them in the basement.

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angrydemonfawnbaby · 2 years

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the sauna test remix (part 1/?)

s3 au where steve is working as a lifeguard and spends the whole season trying to save billy hargrove.

steve’s been driving max and her friends around ever since the snowball dance, so he knows more about her step-brother than he likes to admit. maybe that’s why he is trying so hard to be civil, to be friendly, to be friends, even--because steve doesn’t have good and loving parents, so he knows what it looks like when someone else has bad parents. he sees it in the mirror every day. he sees it on max’s face when she talks about neil hargrove, has started seeing it sometimes when she talks about her own mom. when he takes the time to look hard enough, steve sees it on billy too. the moment he sees it on the other boy, steve can’t stop seeing it.

(he remembers seeing him in the hall at school after their fight. billy was battered and blue beyond recognition, bruised in places steve knows he never touched him.)

steve is trying to be civil, to be friendly, to maybe even be friends--because steve used to be more like billy than he cares to admit. so he invites billy to hang out at his house after work one day in july and that’s the start of it.

billy never worked morning shifts at the pool because he liked to stay after hours to swim. steve knows this because he forgot his wallet in his locker one day back in early june. he went back to get it that night and saw billy doing laps in the empty pool even though the pool closed hours ago. when steve came out of the locker room, billy was floating like a five point star in the center of the pool, staring up at the night sky. steve didn’t say anything, didn’t want to step on what seemed like a sacred moment, but as he tried to stealthily slip away, billy splashed out of water and saw him. steve froze for some reason. billy just stared at him, like he was waiting for steve to speak first. steve held up his wallet. billy blinked, barely an acknowledgement, and set off to the showers without a second glance.

but the last week of june, billy walked into the breakroom while steve was sighing over the schedule. heather was hardly listening to him as he mentioned the migraines he’d been suffering from for months now, how he’s been waiting for this specific appointment with some specialist for six months now, how if he reschedules now he’ll be stuck waiting until winter to be seen. heather’s half hidden behind her magazine and only halfway sympathetic as she shrugs, says she wishes she could help but she’s already on for a double that day, best of luck finding someone.

for all the obvious reasons, billy hargrove wasn’t steve’s first choice for coverage. for some reason, he’s the first to offer.

heather hasn’t looked up from flipping through her fashion magazine once throughout this whole thing. however, the second billy says he’ll swap shifts with steve, heather’s fingers freeze and she finally looks up at the two of them through her lashes like she’s watching a her favorite show. steve stammers out a suspicious thanks that sounds more like a question than anything genuine. billy doesn’t say anything back but scribbles over their names on the schedule and flicks the pen cap at steve before leaving the breakroom.

steve sits staring into space with a stunned look on his face until heather snaps her gum. she raises an eyebrow at him and there’s a look in her eye--like she’s trying to read his mind and he’s supposed to try to read hers, too. after a second of this, she sits back with a satisfied smirk as if she’s just learned all of steve’s secrets.

for the next week, steve spends way too much of his time wondering about the whys and whether or not this all some sort of scheme. he shows up to the pool that afternoon half expecting to hear that billy bailed this morning just to make him look bad, but there he is.

he’s up to his waist in the shallow water, trying to convince a kid in his swim class to let go of the ledge. he gets eye level with the little holly wheeler and whatever he whispers to her works. one small hand and then the other leaves the security of wall, trusting billy to keep her safe as he takes her hands in his. steve has seen this before but he still stays to watch until little holly wheeler is laughing, her little legs kick, kick, kicking water up high into the sky. steve stays to watch even though he’s seen this before because billy is beaming and that’s not exactly new either, but it is...something.

maybe that’s why steve says it. they’re in the locker room, steve storing his stuff away for the day while billy gets ready to go home. steve thanks him again even though he knows billy won’t say anything back. ever since the byers, billy doesn’t seem to have a whole lot to say to steve, anymore.

it shouldn’t matter to steve, it shouldn’t bother him, but it does. steve doesn’t know what billy must think of him after that night, but he knows it can’t be anything good. not after his thirteen year old sister went missing all day only for billy to find her with steve at a strangers house, only for steve to lie right to his face about it. this whole situation, harrington, it’s giving me the heebie jeebies. steve shouldn’t care what billy hargrove thinks about him, but he does.

so maybe that’s why he says it, even though he knows billy won’t say anything back. maybe that’s why he keeps talking, even after he’s said thanks for the third time. he tries to sound as casual as he can when he mentions billy missing out on his after hours swim because of him. billy’s eyebrows raise anyway. steve stutters to a stop, starts to reconsider, swipes his hands through his hair and starts over. its not smooth at all. he awkwardly offers up his parents’ pool for billy to use.

steve’s parents are spending the summer somewhere less humid than hawkins. he couldn't get into college, so steve has spent the summer sitting at home alone. he hasn’t had anyone his own age over since he stopped hanging out with tommy hagan. steve hasn’t had friends his own age since then, either.

so maybe that’s why he invites billy hargrove over to his house. there’s a bar in the basement but if bourban isn’t billy’s thing than steve knows that the beer store off of 8th street doesn’t card anyone who can see over the counter. it starts to sound like a bribe and he’s starting to regret speaking at all when billy agrees. steve knows his surprise shows by the way billy’s smirk goes from bemused to amused.

billy says he’ll be over at eight.

steve smiles. can’t wait.

it shouldn’t be a surprise that billy doesn’t show. it shouldn’t hurt, but it does.

steve drinks his half of the twelve pack he had to pay double price and then he drinks the half that was supposed to be for billy, too. he goes to bed sick and sad and if he cries himself to sleep, it’s not over billy hargroe. or at least, it’s not only over him.

he tries to play it cool at the pool the next day, but steve’s annoyed and hungover and it gets the better of him briefly when he follows billy into the supply closet. he has every intention to finally confront billy about everything, but the second the door swings shut behind him, steve can sense something is off. billy’s body is stiff. his hair is a sweaty mess. he won’t turn around. steve reaches out to touch his shoulder but before he can billy is shoving past him. stay away from me, steve.

it shouldn’t hurt, but it does. it shouldn’t raise alarms, but it does.

steve follows him out and stands at a safe distance while billy stumbles his way to the showers. he doesn’t follow billy in but he leans against a nearby wall, wondering if maybe he’s gotten it all wrong. maybe he is just paranoid now. it would make sense after everything. maybe billy is just sweating because it’s summer. maybe he’s sick. maybe he really just wants nothing to do with steve. it would make sense after everything. maybe steve should just let it go.

he’s about to walk away when the screaming starts.

steve finds him soaking wet and sobbing on the shower floor. billy’s bloodshot blue eyes are barely focused. steve knows that something is very, very wrong--even before billy lunges for his throat.

he has experienced billy’s brutality before, but this...this is something else. billy is fueled by fire and by fury but the hands around steve’s neck are cold as ice. there is no light in his eyes as he watches steve struggle to break free, struggle to breathe. there’s no humanity but there is an eerie familiarity. this isn’t billy, this is something else entirely.

steve can’t breathe. billy has him half-suspended so that steve’s feet are barely touching the floor, held up only by billy’s bare hands around his throat. steve’s vision starts to go and for the second time in his life he thinks that billy hargrove is going to kill him.

and for the second time, steve is saved at the last second by a girl half his size.

steve doesn’t know how it happens, but somehow it’s him and heather holloway standing over billy’s body. heather is still holding the sharp jagged half of the mop she broke over billy’s head. there’s bright red blood running down the drains. the tiles on the wall are broken and shattered where steve smashed billy’s head against it.

heather’s eyes are wide. what the fuck? steve leans down to check billy’s pulse. is he dead? heather starts pacing. steve finds a faint rhythm and finds himself sighing in relief. he’s still alive. heather slumps against a shower stall. they have to call ambulance. they have to call the police. steve starts to shake his head but stops. heather is right about calling the police. or specifically, the chief of police.

somehow, steve convinces a shaky and shocked heather to help him get billy into the backseat of his BMW. however, he can’t convince her to leave. heather knows their history. all of hawkins high heard about how they beat each other half to death last year. she’s not letting either of them get the chance to finish the job, not after what she just saw. she doesn’t need that shit on her conscience, so she’s coming with them. to keep an eye on them. the both of them. and she’s bringing her sharp stick with her too, so steve better not get any ideas cause she’s not afraid to use it on him, too.

heather has her back pressed to the passenger door, half turned in the seat so that she can keep line of sight on the two of them. her face is pale. she’s eyeing billy’s bloody face in the backseat. how is he even alive? in the rearview mirror, steve can see a shard of ceramic stuck among blond curls. he should be dead. she looks to steve. he has known heather since middle school and for the first time he hears her voice shake. why isn’t he dead?

steve tells her they can’t go to the hospital. heather looks at him like he’s grown a second head. they can’t go to the police station either.

they’re going to steve’s house, because steve’s parents have a fireplace in their bedroom and billy’s body is cold to the touch.

steve has never really understood the hows and whys of the upside down and all that crawled out of it. truthfully, he doesn’t care. all he cares about is that it keeps happening. even now, when it’s supposed to be impossible. eleven closed the gate and that should have stopped it but steve saw the look in billy’s eyes and he’s watching the split skin on billy’s forehead slowly stitch itself back together so what else could it be. steve doesn’t understand much about the upside down, but he does know that it’s cold. that he likes it cold.

he gives heather the chance to leave again when they get to his house. she glares at him. she doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, but she’s staying. she looks offended that he thinks she wouldn’t. steve is secretly a little grateful. he didn’t really want to be alone. he has heather grab his bat out of the trunk. just in case he wakes up. heather has known him since middle school, but she looks at him like she’s meeting him for the first time when she sees the nails. she still picks it up. she still stays.

steve calls hopper while heather stands watch over billy. her knuckles are bone white over the grip of the bat. steve leaves a message for hopper and tells heather to stay here in the den, to stay by the phone, to keep on calling that number until someone answers.

then, steve goes upstairs and ties billy hargrove to his parents headboard and waits for him to wake up.

billy wakes up pissed. what the fuck is this shit? he twists against the ties like he’s testing them and laughs, tongue darting over his lips as he looks over the rope looping over his wrists. should’ve told me you were a freak, harrington. billy rolls his body against the mattress as much as he can in either direction but he doesn’t take his eyes off steve as he does, so he doesn’t miss the way steve’s eyes slip to the stretch of skin as his cropped shirt slides up. it’s distracting. wouldn’t have stood you up last night. billy’s grin is wicked but it’s wiped away in the blink of an eye when steve starts to walk away. it’s just a distraction. billy’s voice drops to a near whisper. in his tone is a warning. let me go.

instead, steve throws every blanket he owns over billy and stokes a fire. that’s when steve starts to see it, whatever it is that has taken hold of billy hargrove. let me go. he trashes against the mattress. let me go. his shoulder pops out of the socket. let me go. the binds rub the skin around his wrist raw and bloody. let me go. let me go! LET ME GO!

the headboard tears apart like it’s made of cardboard. billy’s hands around around his neck. again. steve can’t breathe. again. as his vision starts to fade, steve thinks heather must have left after all. she must be long gone otherwise she would have heard, would be here. he can’t blame her. doesn’t. it’s okay if she saves herself. he wants her to. he hopes she saves--

billy is ripped off of him, his body thrown across the room. steve half collapses, gasping for air, grasping at the wall. for the third time in his life, a girl half his size has saved his ass from billy hargrove.

eleven’s nose is already bleeding as she enters with max at her back. max’s eyes are wide and terrified. behind her, heather’s eyes are even wider. max takes a stuttering step forward, flanking el like a shadow despite the clear fear on her face. eleven swipes the back of her hand across her nose with a sniff, smears the blood up across her wrist. that same hand she holds up like some soldier, signalling for max to stop, to stay back, to hold position in the doorway with heather. heather wrings her hands around the grip of the baseball bat, raising it at the ready when billy starts to stand up.

eleven steps forward, puts herself in front of steve like a protective shield. steve still can’t breathe, still can’t speak, so he can’t give in to the instinct to tell her to leave. she’s just a kid. she’s just a fucking kid. steve knows she’s stronger than he will ever be but she’s just a kid. it’s a fucking shame that she’s always the one saving them.

billy is barely standing before eleven has him suspended in the air again. with his arms pinned to some invisible crucifix, he fights against this unseen force until he’s foaming at the mouth. his rigid body is raised higher and higher, in the beams of the vaulted ceiling, until he’s screaming into the skylight window inches above his head. the lights in the room flicker.

eleven is screaming, too. there’s blood smeared across her teeth. both hands are extended out in front of her. her fingers curl into claws. a quick, violent jerk up and the skylight shatters. billy’s shoulders smash through it. sparkling shards of glass splash across the mattress. another scream from eleven and the lights in the room buzz bright. she brings both hands down. towards the ground. like a ragdoll, billy’s body is thrown through the drywall.

everything stops. it’s still. no one moves for minutes. watching and waiting for billy to get back up. he doesn’t. they tie him up again. they to come up with a plan. they managed to get the mindflayer out of one william before, they could find a way do it again. they just need somewhere safe, somewhere he can’t escape. it needs to be secure. it needs to be sweltering.

the sauna should work.

(it doesn’t.)

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