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6ftslytherin · 3 years

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Queer OC Questionnaire

Name: Sabine V. E. Lowell

1. What is your oc's identity?

Androgynous lesbian woman

2. When did they realize their identity?

In a way she's always known.

3. How did they feel when they found out?

(Trigger warnings: internalized homophobia and a suicide attempt)

Sabine had always felt like there was something different about her than the other girls. She never really understood how they could dream about getting married to a handsome gentleman. When she finally heard about other girls liking girls it was in a negative connotation. She hadn't thought that what she felt was bad but this was a respected adult saying it.

Her family being the famous Lowells taught her that one of the most important things that she could do was continue the bloodline by marrying a man and having children. When she asked about having children with a woman her grandfather Virgil laughed and told her it was ridiculous. She never brought the question up again.

Over the years the shame would build. It wasn't just her sexuality that made her feel bad. Her weird behavior caused her family to be ridiculed. She had indirectly killed her brother John. She was the cause of the argument that made Jacob leave. She wasn't feminine. Her parents deserved better. Being herself dishonored the Lowell name. She wasn't even sure if her parents actually loved her anymore.

She tried to be the best daughter she could be but she always felt bad about who she was. She couldn't even tell anyone because she didn't feel like her problems mattered compared to other's. Eventually all the shame and guilt built up which is when she decided to end things. She couldn't deal with the pain anymore.

She was fourteen when she stole a bottle of sleeping pills from a muggle pharmacy with the intent to take the entire thing. She decided on a date when the fewest people would be home and made peace with the people in her life. When the day came she wrote a note explaining everything and downed the bottle with a glass of wine. She became light headed and passed out a bit later.

She woke up in a bed at St. Mungo's. She didn't have the strength to argue when she was offered a spot in the pediatric section of Waterhouse Psychiatric Hospital and agreed.

4. How long did it take for them to accept themselves?

It wasn't until she was being treated in the psychiatric hospital that she began to let go of the guilt. Her parents hired a private psychiatrist to help them. The psychiatrist, Dean Garth, would help her and her family come to terms with their feelings.

She still sometimes has moments where she feels less than because of who she is. She now has technics and a stronger support system for those moments.

5. Are they open about their identity? Did they come out subtlety or dramatically?

She came out in her suicide note. She wasn't expecting to live so she didn't feel like it would be a big deal. When she woke up the day after she remembered the note and felt instant regret. When she had her first session with Dean she found out that her parents had read the note and given it to him. She felt deeply embarrassed about it.

After a few sessions with Dean he asked if she would be willing to have a session with her parents. She agreed. Sabine was surprised by how much her family really cared about her. They wanted to help her with her problems and felt like the worst parents in the world that Sabine thought the only way to stop the pain was to die. For the first time in years she cried in front of them. She no longer doubted she was loved.

She would slowly come out to her friends and extended family over the coming months.

She decided to be openly gay starting on September 1 1988.

6. What were the inital reactions of their friends and family?

Overall very positive. They were more concerned with Sabine's mental health at the time.

7. Did anyone know before they came out?

Her mother had an inkling by the time Sabine was 11. She thought she had a crush on Rowan. Her grandmother Colette knew by the time Sabine was 5. When asked to elaborate Colette responded with, "I just knew." Looking back on it, her grandmother had always been pro-LGBT. It turns out that Colette's uncle had been a closeted gay man that lived a double life until his death.

After she got out of the hospital she was hanging out with Rowan and told her. Turns out Rowan already knew. Not only that, but Rowan also liked girls and identified as a demigirl.

When she told Jacob his response was, "Yeah, no shit."

8. Was it a complete shock to some people?

Martinius Lowell, head of The Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes, a job that requires the ability to see minute details, had no idea.

Her oldest brother Sef came back from Switzerland to spend time with her. Turns out he wasn't aware either. He was embarrassed about never noticing.

One day when Marie was visiting Sabine in the hospital she told her cousin she liked girls. Marie responded by saying she also liked girls. That was when the girls realized they were both the gay cousin.

9. What has their love life been like?

There was a girl that went to the same ice rink as her when she was eight that made her feel strange. She loved watching her skate and talking to her. She wanted to say something to her. Then she remembered how her fellings were wrong. So she didn't say anything to her. She started avoiding her. Eventually her crush for the girl died off. They went to the beach when she was twelve and she saw an older girl she was unable to stop looking at.

Sabine joined the Slytherin quidditch team in her second year. There she met Skye Parkins. After months of training and playing together Sabine considered her a friend. Sometimes Penny Haywood would talk to Skye and make Sabine feel weird. For some reason she only wanted Skye to talk to her. After awhile she realized she was attracted to Skye. She felt awful for liking a girl again. She started to hang out with Skye less.

In the Summer of 1987 when Sabine was fourteen she met Yvonne Silverpot, a fifteen year old girl. She was doing some modeling work for Sabine's mother at the time and needed a place to stay. Yvonne took an interest in Sabine. She often asked Sabine to spend her free time with her, which she obliged.

Whenever Sabine or Yvonne were free they would be with each other, quickly becoming friends. One day Yvonne asked Sabine if she had ever kissed anyone before. She answered truthfully that no, she hadn't. Yvonne offered to be her first. This surprised Sabine. She tried to explain that girls aren't supposed to kiss other girls.

Yvonne closed her eyes and said, "I'm going to keep my eyes closed for five minutes. Kiss me if you want. I'd like it and I think you would too." Sabine fought against her instincts before she gave in and kissed her. Yvonne left a few days after that. Sabine knew she would probably never see her again.

It was late September when Sabine accidentally outed herself to Merula. She had felt so comfortable in the conversation they were having it had slipped out. It had clearly freaked Merula out. She didn't say anything. She just got up and left. Sabine sat there, marinating in her panic induced nausea. She closed her eyes and started to use deep breathing techniques.

Sabine could tell Merula was avoiding her. She wouldn't even look at her when they had potions class, even though they sat next to each other. In between classes Sabine asked Merula if they could talk in private. Merula agreed. Sabine asked her if she had told anyone, she hadn't. Sabine was relieved. She explained how she didn't want her to tell anyone. Merula agreed but stated it still made her uncomfortable. Sabine didn't like it but was glad she was being agreeable.

Weirdly Sabine and Merula started to get closer. Merula didn't seem capable of the venom she used to spew at Sabine. They even had a private sleepover to celebrate Merula's birthday, Sabine's roomates being gone due to Christmas. Merula had gotten comfortable enough to share a bed with her. Sabine had got to sleep happy that they had finally buried the hatchet.

That morning she woke up to an asleep Merula holding onto her. Sabine almost had a heart attack. That was when she had a thought; hold her back. She almost did. That was when she realized she once again had a crush. She would have to distance herself to keep her from getting hurt. She wasn't able to fall back asleep. When Merula woke up she apologized for holding her. Sabine said she didn't mind, even though she did. The day after she began to distance herself from Merula.

The problem with this being in the same house, having the same classes, and sitting at the same table. Merula often asked if Sabine wanted to hang out or study together. Everytime she would decline Sabine could see the hurt in Merula's eyes, even if she acted like it didn't bother her.

Then one day in spring Merula had enough. She challenged Sabine to a private duel at night. Sabine arrived at the location expecting an angry Merula ready to fight her. Instead Merula was quietly waiting for her. It was almost eerie. Sabine asked what was happening. Merula simply said, "Do you hate me?" Sabine would have been surprised by the boldness if it had been anyone else, she said no.

Merula then demanded to know why she was avoiding her. Sabine couldn't think of anything to say. How could she explain that she had developed feeling for her? Then something shocking happened, Merula hugged her. She said she wanted to be around her again. That it hurt not to be. Merula buried her face in Sabine's chest. She said, "I need you to stay in my life because your the only person that treats me like I'm worth a damn. I think I like you. And that terrifies me."

Sabine was in a daze. She liked her? Sabine was scared. She slowly moved her hand onto Merula's head. Sabine breathed in deep. She said everything she had been holding in her heart. She told her how special she felt Merula was. That was when a thought came to her. Sabine swallowed hard and said, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Merula looked at Sabine. She said yes. The two of them started to cry out of happiness. It was almost bitter when they had to part. They agreed to meet up in Hogsmeade the week after, Sabine would come up with a date plan. They went back to the Slytherin common room while holding hands.

A month later Sabine asked if she could refer to Merula as her girlfriend. She agreed.

Strangely, Sabine's never been romantically attracted to Rowan. That was when Sabine realized she had a type. Tomboys.

How do they feel about their identity now?

Sabine is significantly happier since she was able to get the help she needed. She accepts the fact that she isn't going to magically wake up one day as a feminine heterosexual and she's glad she won't. Her family likes her girlfriend and she wouldn't want it any other way.

Blank questionnaire here:

#hogwarts mystery #hphm #sabine lowell #jacob's sibling #mc #merula snyde #jacob's sibling x merula #mc x merula #sabine x merula #lesbian #pride

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writingwithcolor · 5 years

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Hi! I have a question I really hope you can help me with, I have a black character in a futuristic military and I have no idea what hairstyle would be good for her. She spends a lot of time under water, wearing a helmet, or doing hard exercise. Also, if I had her woken up suddenly would she be wearing any kind of night cap, if not how can I describe her hair and do it right

Black Hair in the Military

[Image of Black servicewomen: source]

Your best bet for a military setting would be a protective natural hair style. From Short-term buns, twists or braids to long-term braided styles or locs – For someone in training or active battle, styles that lay relatively flat, can be pulled down and back, won’t catch or snag, and stay out of the way would be ideal.

Military Hairstyle Considerations

Bun

Ponytail

Twists

Braids

Cornrows

Dreadlocks / locs

Hair kept short or shaven

Military Hairstyle Issues to consider

Straightened

I have seen Black military women and people with straightened hair. They likely have more access to hair maintenance depending on unit or assignment, or must use their free time to maintain the styles. There are salons on some bases, and some seek local salons depending on their station. Wet and sweat-drenched hair would want to revert back to its curly state, though, so having access to hair straightening methods to maintain the style is essential.

Major Tennille Woods Scott, U.S. Army [X]

Woods Scott has adapted her beauty regime under some pretty adverse conditions during her 12 years of military service. “In Iraq, I would relax my own hair every eight weeks, which was quite dangerous,” says Woods Scott, who served in the region in 2007 and 2008. “In the hour or so that it took, I was nervous, thinking, What if a rocket or mortar comes in?”

Hair Products

Your character might use local resources in the town they’re stationed and / or those that are on base to care for their hair. What they were initially allowed to bring may vary. If nothing local fits their hair needs, they might go towards natural resources that are generally more universal (coconut oil, shea)

[See: Caring for natural (curly) hair in a setting with no access to modern hair products]

Hair Regulations

For a time, the U.S. army banned many black hairstyles that are easiest to maintain and called them “unkempt.” Many Black people, especially women, struggled under these strict policies, including wearing wigs under their helmets to comply.

The ban has been loosened in many areas, although there are still regulations regarding length and keeping hair “well-groomed and neat.”

Sources and Articles:

US Army PDF: Wear and Appearance of Army Uniforms and Insignia

The Navy Just Gave Women the Okay to Wear Locs, Ponytails, and Topknots

The U.S. Navy Finally Lifts Its Ban On Women Wearing Locs

Night Care

As for the nightcap, I cannot see why your character wouldn’t be able to wear one. A scarf and bonnet come on and off easily (Too easy…they often fall off in the middle of the night!) so it wouldn’t hold her up if she had to suddenly get up and go. Wrapping straightened hair is a common technique too.

Applying this to your futuristic military setting

Examine those rules (both the initial strict and the current regulations). See how Black people feel and felt about them, and consider how you would like to address this in your future military setting.

Could you fix these rules for the better or might it get worse? Your world building should determine if it would be an issue or not. It doesn’t need to be if you don’t want it to.

Featuring at least a few sentences here and there describing their hairstyle of choice, and a few maintenance activities would add realism and representation.

EX: Re-doing her braids during a slow day at the base, or waking up early to do so. Wearing a sleep bonnet; maybe she gets playfully teased by others for wearing a big, cheesy colorful bonnet. A lot of people who don’t know what they are think they’re shower caps.

Hair Stories from Black Servicewomen

I’d like to include a story from this vogue article:

A trailblazing generation of black military servicewomen is embracing the natural hair movement.

Black Women in the U.S. military talk about their natural hairstyle of choice and military service. 17 Images included. I’m only including one here so read the full article. It’s a brilliant resource!

Lieutenant Colonel Junel Jeffrey, U.S. Army

Jeffrey is the kind of risk-taking, chameleonic beauty who’ll turn a disastrous hair misadventure into an opportunity for total and complete reinvention.

The public affairs officer had no qualms about cutting off her long, chemically straightened hair after an abrasive relaxer treatment at a salon on her Army base in Germany caused extensive thinning. She now experiments with new, head-turning styles even under the most challenging circumstances, tracking down a natural hair whiz in Afghanistan to twist her curls. And when a $5 haircut at a barbershop in the Congo left her with what she describes as an Afro “shaped like a microphone,” she laughed off the jokes made by her comrades, cropping her hair close and bleaching it peroxide blonde.

“The recent change in regulations has given me more options,” she says. “It also says a lot about how the Army feels about inclusion. I feel like now it’s okay to be me.”

Disclaimer: I’m a Black American woman with no direct military experience. Those who do have this experience, or have a non-American experience as well, feel free to chime in.

~Mod Colette

Commentary

@itsthemagistra said:

I’m glad much has changed since I was in the military. I wasn’t allowed to have braids/twists but had no access to natural hair care products through training. Needless to say, I was constantly “out of regs” and getting written up for “faddish hair styles”. The worst part is that such judgments were case by case, meaning that it all depended on the point of view of the particular cadre member that happened to see me. Great fun, 10/10 experience.

@the-geek-cornucopia

I love youtuber Jackie Aina and she’s ex military so I think she did a video about black women and hair in the military. Military Hair and Makeup Tutorial

#beks-crooked-glasses #Black #black hair #military #discrimination #racism #afro hair #writing #fantasy #settings #Black women #asks #articles #writer resources

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darkhymns-fic · 5 years

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Parallels

As a Chosen, Lloyd will be expected to take on the journey to complete the World Regeneration. Of course he would rather stay in the village with Colette and live his life alongside her.

At the very least, he could give her something to remember him by.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairings: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel, Raine Sage, Genis Sage, Dirk Rating: G Mirror Links: AO3 Notes: This was written for @frayed-symphony for a Secret Santa exchange! This fic was based off her Chosen Lloyd concept which she has drawn fantastic art for (here and here). I’m so glad I was given the opportunity to write something for you and for this idea also! (And over 8000k, I’m sorry haha). You’ve been an awesome friend and this story is just a small way of saying thank you!!

Lloyd

On one of Lloyd’s past birthdays – 14 to be exact – Colette had seemed surprised that he was getting her a present instead.

“But, it’s your birthday! I should be getting you something…” Although she couldn’t take her eyes off the little carving of a doggy figure he was just finishing up. They were far from the Church, far from Colette’s house even, in a part of Iselia’s forests where few others would stumble upon them. At least not yet.

“Hm, I don’t really care about my birthday that much,” he said once, and maybe that had already been too much. But just then, he had just finished his gift, remembering what the dwarf had taught him when the pastors weren’t paying attention. “And it’s more fun making stuff for you!”

He would never forget the way Colette’s eyes lighted up. How happy she seemed to be at one of his first attempts at crafting. But as long as Dirk kept visiting the church, and as long as Colette kept being his friend, he wanted to give her even more.

In the distance, they heard some voices call out to Lloyd. Although not by his name.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Colette said then. “I hope I don’t get you in trouble.” She held the doggy statue safely in her palms.

Chosen, Chosen One the wind kept repeating. Lloyd shook it away.

He took her hand then, the one free of the statue, and smiled. “Hey, if you want to get me a present, you should take me exploring! I don’t think we’ve done much of it lately.”

Colette had smiled too, gripping the boy’s hand tight. Once they rushed away from the voices, Lloyd had sometimes imagined that they were both running away from those voices forever…

“Chosen! Chosen One!”

Lloyd had been trying to work on the necklace for the past three weeks, but there was always something interrupting him. The knock on his door, along with the insistent calling, was just another one of those.

He instantly put away his tools and the nearly finished necklace in a small tin box. Doing it fast enough while also not scratching up the jewelry proved to be a bit challenging, and he probably just made more noise that way. He could already hear the pastor grumbling outside his door. “J-just a minute!” he called out, going to a nearby cabinet.

“Chosen, this is the fourth time this week you have been late for your lessons. Punctuality is highly important-”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem!” Lloyd was trying to fasten up his outfit. It always felt so stiff and hard to move around in, but just getting away with the shirt and pants he slept in never cut it. (He tried). Once everything was set, he finally opened the door, totally not looking like he had been up half the night working on his project. “Okay, I’m set!”

Even after a lifetime of being at the Church, he never knew how to talk to the pastors, always so proper and formal in their speech. The old man looked at Lloyd with a certain air of disapproval – just a little bit, for he was still to be the savior of their world after all. He inclined his head slightly to Lloyd, maybe too much. Lloyd thought the big hat he wore would fall off from the action, and even shifted a little to catch it if it did.

“You’ve been doing so well lately in your memorization of the scriptures, Chosen. It would be beneficial of you to simply focus on that than on other, less vital pursuits.”

…Crap, did the old man already find out what he’d been doing? Lloyd shifted nervously on his feet, which probably didn’t help his image. “I just overslept a little! Sleeping is pretty important!”

The pastor didn’t argue, because it was frowned upon to argue with the Chosen. A little loophole that Lloyd had found out about when he was little, and may have used it to his advantage numerous times.

Well, until his dad got involved.

Lloyd pushed that thought aside and was more or less nudging the pastor away from his room’s door to get going. “Anyway, uh, let’s go! Got a lot of books to get through!” And man, was there a lot of books. He could read fast and well with all the years of book-reading he was forced to do. Not like he enjoyed it, but what else could he do?

“My, I must apologize then, Chosen. It is good to see you eager for a lesson!”

Lloyd put on a big smile until the pastor turned away to head for the stairs. Once unseen, he was back to frowning. The old man really was old and had not noticed Lloyd had long stopped following him. The Chosen watched him descend the steps, then leaned back against the wall, sighing so deeply it pulled at his chest.

Was there really a point in having more lessons?

As a Chosen, there wasn’t much Lloyd was allowed to do, and there weren’t many places he was allowed to go either. He was salvation itself, so he needed to be safe, and to stay safe, he needed to remain within the Church at nearly all times until he went to school. Going to school had always been something he’d look forward.

But as time passed, it was getting harder to enjoy much of anything.

Anything except the necklace, which he had been working on day and night – whenever the priests weren’t paying attention. At the very least, he could leave something behind for her, hoping that was enough.

And… if he had to choose, he would rather go through all this than anyone else… He imagined briefly of another dealing with the role of Chosen and it only made the ache inside him worse.

It was better this way.

Down the stairs’ corridor, he could hear the confused mutterings of the priest. He rolled his eyes and quickly followed after. Just something he would have to go through. Again.

…Still, these lessons dealt with way, way too many books.

Living at the Church did have some benefits though.

For one, it was right by the beach, which Lloyd had definitely snuck off to on more than one occasion. Colette had worried if it was okay for him to go, and Genis had worried he would trip against one of the rocks and crack his head open, thus ruining Sylvarant’s one chance at salvation. But that had only nearly happened one time! Making highly detailed sand castles with Colette, and burying a napping Genis in the sand, were things he didn’t ever want to trade away for just being safely cooped up in his room.

Another was that he got to see Dirk a whole lot.

Just after another mind-numbing book lesson, he made his way down to the atrium, the place more wide, the walls helping reverberate the sounds of his footsteps. He was glad to see the dwarf there, already setting up another work sculpture of Martel. Or maybe it was Mithos? Lloyd still had trouble telling the difference sometimes. He really, really tried to keep that fact hidden from his instructors. It had worked so far!

The dwarf turned to him, his bushy beard hiding half of his face, but not his grin. Hands were on both of his hips, eyes angled up at the boy that was slightly taller than him.

“Ah, Lloyd! Ya look ready to fall asleep on yer feet!”

“Ehehe… I’m fine! Really!” A tiny stumble against one of the pews but Lloyd more or less righted himself up. The dwarf merely shook his head.

“Well! I was just finished with my work. Need anything?”

Sometimes Lloyd wondered what made the dwarf come back here so much. He had been here ever since Lloyd was little, seen much more of him than of… Anyway, he was always traveling around so much, working on crafting commissions, sometimes even bringing back a souvenir he had bought on the road. Lloyd still had some of them; one of the famous Palma Potions from Palmacosta, some pottery from Triet, and even a cool-looking wooden figure of a swordsman! Dirk hadn’t specified where he got that last one, making Lloyd think he had made it himself.

He had thought about asking him many times before. But the years kept passing, and the day for when he would leave was only getting closer. He figured there was really no point in asking now.

Instead, he reached into his pocket, pulling out the necklace he had poured everything into. He held it up for Dirk. “You think this looks any good?”

The dwarf placed a hand on his chin, mock-deep in thought. “Hm, I don’t think that color works on ya.”

“Not for me!”

Dirk laughed loudly, his voice bouncing across the walls of the Church. After so much stress on being quiet within these walls, the dwarf’s laugh was welcome. He held out his hand. “Here, let me see.”

Excited to show off his work, but also worried on being judged, Lloyd gave it to him quickly. “I, uh… kinda had to rush through it this morning. But I think I got the size right this time! And, I didn’t waste the metal like you said and-”

“Hold on a bit, Lloyd.”

“Right, sorry.”

Dirk was holding up the necklace by its chain. The sunlight from the stained windows glinted off its pendant, a deep red jewel embedded in its center. After a brief look, the dwarf was grinning. “Really outdone yourself for this one.” He gathered it back carefully in his palm. “The chain work is strong, and the pendant is much more even this time. Not completely! Still need some work on that.” He handed it back to Lloyd. “She’ll be very happy with it.”

With Dirk’s praise, Lloyd felt something lift off his shoulders. The weight of everything else was still there… but this one thing, it gave him some lightness.

He held the necklace in both his hands before putting it away. “Thanks!”

“Yer welcome, lad. But.. I gather you still have more on your mind?”

Man, was he this easy to read with everyone now? Lloyd shook his head. “Nah, not really. Just bored with the same things, like always.”

“But your training should be giving ya some excitement.” Dirk crossed his arms, finally resting his legs by seating on a nearby stool. “And ya still got that sword I gave ya? The one the priests said was lost?”

Lloyd scratched at his cheek, grinning. “Hey, I did lose it! But then I found it again. Who knew it was under my bed this whole time?”

Dirk grinned back, laughing into his beard. “A shame it was not before they asked me to make you another one to continue with your training. But I suppose it’s good that you have a spare.”

Lloyd nodded at that. “Yep! And, well, can’t leave your other sword to waste. So it’s only better to use both, right?”

Both Dirk’s and Lloyd’s plan for him to use dual blades should have been so see-through, but once Lloyd started training with his double weapons, the priests couldn’t find much to argue with. The Chosen had to know how to defend himself, after all. And… his logic did make some sort of sense to them. Wouldn’t two weapons be better than one?

The dwarf shook his head. “Mighty clever thinking there! I’m sure that will help on your journey.”

The mention of the journey put a dark cloud in Lloyd’s head suddenly. Right. In the end, that was the point of the swords anyway. To protect himself until…

“Also!” Dirk’s voice broke through, and he watched as the dwarf reached around him towards a satchel, bringing it towards the front. “Got my latest commission done! And no worries. The Church will take care of the bill when they see it later.” He handed the folded clothes to Lloyd.

His eyes widened in glee at the design. “You already made it! Nice!”

“Fitting for a master swordsman and a Chosen, right?” Dirk seemed pleased as well. “At the very least, these would help you move around better, and has a place for your swords.”

Lloyd would have gone to hug the dwarf if he could – or if that wasn’t a bit weird. “I’m definitely wearing these from now on!”

Even as Dirk looked very pleased, he stared at Lloyd with another expression, one that Lloyd couldn’t place. “You’ve been doing a lot lately, lad. I hope you remember to rest in between all your work.”

In all fairness, this was a first that he ever heard come from an adult. Usually there was always something do, another thing to learn… “Ah, I’m okay enough. Besides, I’m taking your advice on things!”

“Oh, that so?”

“Yep!” Lloyd nodded. He had his new clothes underneath one arm, standing proudly. “Dwarven vow #4! Don’t depend on others. Walk on your own two legs.” He then grinned, glad he could remember that right! He only knew a few of the vows Dirk had mentioned to him, but some like those stood out. “I’m taking that as my mortal from now on!”

Dirk raised a bushy eyebrow. “Think you mean motto there, lad.”

“…Huh. That does make a lot more sense.”

“I thought ya read a lot.”

“I did! I do! Just, after a while of non-stop reading, all the words start to look the same…”

Still, the dwarf smiled. “Anyway… I’m glad you think my old sayings are of any interest. However, here’s another for ya. Dwarven vow #7! Justice and love will always win!”

“…That doesn’t sound as cool at all!”

It was easy to talk with Dirk, easier than most other adults. His dad sometimes just… well…

He saw the light in the sky in a nearby stained-glass window and flinched a little. “Oh, shoot. I gotta go. I’ll wear these though!” He held up the clothes then made his way back to his room, waving back at the dwarf. “I’ll see ya later!”

“Don’t trip over the stairs again!” Dirk called out, his bellowing voice finding every nook and crevice in the room. The pastors would have hated such a sound, but Lloyd was ecstatic. At least for now.

“…Is that a new outfit?”

Lloyd had been waiting forever for someone to comment on it, and Genis was never one to disappoint. He put his hands on his hips, knowing the euphoria he felt would be brief but trying to take as much as he could. “Yeah! Special tailor-cut for me!”

Genis looked to his Chosen best friend with a curious air. And maybe some suspicion. “Huh. Suits you better. Even those weird suspenders you have seem to work.”

“What do you mean weird?” Lloyd asked with a small frown.

“Nothing! I said they worked. I don’t get those white strips on your collar but… they also work, too.” Genis stared at Lloyd with more thought. “Yeah, this literally wouldn’t look good on anyone else.”

“Remind me to never come to you for compliments.”

Even as the younger boy laughed, Lloyd was grateful for Genis’ honesty. It was hard finding that in most people around him when they spoke with him. It was harder finding that in himself. He pulled at the, high collar in his new outfit, hoping someone else he knew would like it too. Or at least like it enough.

“You haven’t been to school in a while,” Genis hedged. Lloyd had just come back to Iselia as he walked from the Church, both of them meeting right by the schoolhouse. The day was already late, classes long over. Easier this way. Less people to speak with, less incredibly boring phrases to recite. “Chosen duties getting too much for you?”

It was meant as a joke. Lloyd didn’t really have it in him to laugh along to it though. He pulled at his collar, feeling an anxiousness to him that he had been stemming down for so long, but was slowly beginning to rise the past few months. “Just things. It’s nothing really.”

When Lloyd was quiet like, his friends always noticed. Genis raised his head, noting the tone. “Sorry. That was stupid to say.”

“It’s fine. Really!” He grinned, glad that the collar of his new outfit could hide away some of the strain there. “There’s been a lot of things lately anyway. I only had time now to even leave.”

Genis stared a little, but gave Lloyd some relief when his young eyes lost some intensity. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell them you snuck out again.”

“Heh… thanks.”

“Anyway, I know you’re not here to see me.” It was then Genis grinned, much brighter than Lloyd’s, much more hopeful than Lloyd could ever imagine to be. “Colette’s been talking about you all day. I don’t know how or when you got Noishe to deliver her a letter, but she was real happy about it.”

Noishe was his father’s dog first and foremost, but the creature always did him favors. And with Kratos having been gone for so long lately, it just made it easier.

“Shut up,” Lloyd muttered jokingly, and Genis only laughed again, the awkwardness about his duty of being a Chosen momentarily forgotten.

He wished it could be forgotten completely.

When he was younger, Lloyd had always wanted to travel the world, to see what it had to offer. When he was younger, the Church told him that he would someday, and he had looked forward to it, excitement lighting up his mind.

But on his eighth birthday, all that excitement went away.

Lloyd sat on the outskirts of Iselia, the grass around him still a bright green, the sky darkening as the sun began to set. He had been there early – a first for him. But for Colette, he would go the extra mile.

He heard her trip over the ground before he even saw her.

“Ah, s-sorry! I messed up.” He turned, finding Colette brushing away the grass stains from her dress, just a few feet away. Her blonde hair was a bit frazzled from her fall, but she still smiled.

Gloomy thoughts instantly went away at the sight of her.

“You’re such a dork. You didn’t need to rush here, you know.” Still, he couldn’t take his eyes off her as she sat next to him. She was always so cheerful and bright, and it made the world a little less scary to Lloyd when she was near him.

But it also made him feel bitter over the things he would miss as well.

“I know! Just, um..” Colette fiddled with her hands. “It’s been really boring the last few weeks without you. I was so happy seeing Noishe show up to my house! Though I think my grandmother’s sneezes might have scared him a little, sorry.”

“Oh. Oh right! I forgot she’s allergic..” Gah, why did he have to be stupid about these things? That explained why Noishe was all frantic when he came back. Even the sound of a twig snapping put the dog in a panic. “I guess I should have sent a person instead…”

“No, no! I was really glad to get it from Noishe… I missed petting him, hehe.” She pulled in her knees, looking at Lloyd with such curious eyes. “You said you got a new outfit from Dirk! It looks so cool on you!”

“Heh, yeah, it does make me cool, doesn’t it?” He smiled, sitting up straight. “It’s even got the Church of Martel symbol on it, see?” He pointed at his vest. Dirk had suggested it as one way to curb away any disdain from his pastors. With this symbol, it was still Chosen-appointed clothes. And with Dirk’s many, many work contributions to the Church, the pastors couldn’t deny him either. “It’s way better than the robe things they always make me wear.”

Colette nodded. “Yeah! You even have these cute ribbons.” She played with one now, always reaching out to Lloyd with little reserve, and Lloyd always glad she did. He was not someone far off or otherworldly like so many other people would view him as. “Are they meant to do anything?”

Lloyd thought about this. “Um… to make me look cool!” Just saying that made him laugh, and made Colette laugh too. It had been weeks since he felt this relaxed, and happy. It would be weeks that he would not feel this again.

He thought the time away would make him forget, but it only brought everything out in full force.

Lloyd was already handing her the necklace before he thought too hard about it.

Colette stared. “Lloyd?”

“I… I’ve been working on this for a little bit. Just to keep busy.” Just to make the days bearable. “Probably not as good as Dirk does it… but he can’t really teach me stuff for very long because of..”

Colette carefully took the necklace in both hands, eyes shining. “It’s so pretty! You… you always make such beautiful things, Lloyd.”

There was always something in her voice that stopped him, that made him wonder… While Genis and Raine always called him by his name, the way Colette does so was always different. It always pulled at him in a way that was sweet and painful. It had gotten too painful lately. Raine had already let him know today… only a month left before he would need to go.

“Is this really for me?” she asked, surprising Lloyd out of his thoughts.

“Yeah! This can replace the that other one I made for you a few years ago. That was all uneven anyway.”

“Oh, I still have that too… and the doggy figure! It’s still on my bookshelf!”

As Lloyd was momentarily stunned at that information, Colette circled the chain around her neck, the red jewel glinting in the waning sunlight. “I know you have so much to do lately. But I’m so happy!”

Some of that happiness got to him too. He wished he could keep it. “Heh. I wanted to give it you before I-“ He stopped.

“Before you what?”

He had nearly told her then. Lloyd had been trying so hard to keep quiet about things, about what will happen, about what he would have to face. But Colette was looking at him, and suddenly he was ready to tell her everything.

That wouldn’t have been fair though. At least one of them should be happy?

“Before I go on my journey, I mean.” His voice was quieter, which was hard to change. “I’ll probably be gone a while, so I wanted to give that to you first.”

At that, Colette was quiet too. Again, something that made him wonder. She looked ready to ask him a question. He anticipated it, unsure if he could keep lying.

Then she smiled. “I’ll miss you so much.” She kept holding the necklace in her palm, the sun making her hair shine. “I’m glad you wanted to come out here with me today.”

Lloyd wanted to hug her, and he did. That was one thing he would let himself do. He brought her close to his chest with a strong grip, and Colette held him back, her hands holding tight onto his new outfit. He didn’t care if it was wrinkled or whatever.

“Of course I wanted to,” he said softly. Then he pulled back, a smile on his face. “And once I regenerate the world, I’ll come right back again, okay? So don’t worry about anything!”

Colette kept one hand on Lloyd’s arm, while the other clasped the necklace again, pendant going between her fingers. At least, she would have something of him left.

“You don’t have to go back so soon, do you?” she then asked. The sun was nearly past the horizon, and the stars blinked up from their places in the sky. “Maybe, you can tell me what you’ve been doing? Not much happened in the village though.. so I’m sorry if I’m a little boring.”

Lloyd laughed. “Colette, I usually just stay inside and read old books all day. Believe me, nothing is more boring than that. And definitely not you! So no more apologizing, okay?”

If a pastor heard this – if his dad heard this – he’d have been in trouble. The most would have been a stern lecture, but he had heard nothing but lectures for weeks. Colette’s happy voice was such a difference for everything.

He could enjoy things for one day.

Colette was smiling again, looking beautiful as she always did. “Okay!”

So they both sat back, and they talked. Once the sun had long set, they were still seated by each other. Through all that time, Colette had not let go of the necklace. He wanted to keep that image of her for as long as he could.

Colette

“Colette… are you sure this is even the right way?”

Having never been out of Iselia her entire life, Colette didn’t know much about the world or which road led to where – especially to Triet. She sighed within the desert heat. The clothes she wore were different from her usual outfit for school, made of thicker material, with hidden compartments to sheathe away her chakrams. But it was doing her no favors in this sandy place where the sun beat down relentlessly.

“I… I’m not sure. Not anymore, I guess. I’m sorry, Genis.”

Genis sighed too, but out of exasperation. “You really don’t need to apologize… We probably should have brought a map before we left.”

“But, that nice caravan family pointed us to here! I don’t think they would lie to us..”

Genis shrugged. “I know. I’m just saying maybe we shouldn’t have rushed.”

There were a million things Colette could have argued on why they had to rush, but, she kept them to herself. She pulled at her shirt which was getting sticky with sweat, and she checked to see that her chakrams were indeed still on her.

Lloyd had left Iselia the other day. It had been so sudden, before she had time to prepare. Even Raine had not given her any indication that they would leave so soon. Or maybe that was the reason she hadn’t said anything…

“But it is weird, isn’t it?” Genis said aloud, following Colette still. “Lloyd and sis just leaving in the night like that.”

Colette wanted to say what she knew, but Lloyd had kept it a secret for a reason. She didn’t feel comfortable revealing it. Not yet at least. “Yeah,” she simply agreed. “They must have had to go right away.”

“…And Lloyd said you were supposed to go?”

“Uh huh!” She nodded, then giggled. A little difficult with how hot it was, but she managed. “I already told you that, Genis!”

“Yeah… I know.” His tone was low, unconvinced, or really, it could have just been the heat. “Well, sis was obviously supposed to bring me along too. Her and Lloyd really don’t pay attention to things sometimes.”

Colette inwardly sighed, feeling relieved. That was why Genis overlooked her obvious lie – he had one of his own. The people most important to them have left them alone, so there was no choice but to follow. Even if they were probably lost, and very, very dehydrated.

But I have to keep going, she thought to herself. As she plodded through the sands, she felt a familiar weight hitting her chest. She had not taken off the necklace ever since Lloyd first gave her a month ago. Then before his birthday had even come, the Church said he had already gone on his journey.

Colette fervently wanted to be with him, and with barely a word to her family, she had gone, leaving them a letter instead. She hoped her father and grandmother could forgive her.

“Oh! Is that it?” Genis was saying, and though still dizzy with heat, Colette was able to understand what he meant. Because just ahead was a walled city, standing so far apart from the sandy dunes. There were the figures of people walking by its entrance, and before she knew it, Colette was hurrying towards it. Any worries about maybe being a mirage from the desert did not cross her mind.

She heard Genis shouting after her, also giving chase, but she had to find Lloyd. Each day before he left, she had thought about telling him so many things. She knew she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if he had gone and then finished his journey. Once she entered Triet, the amount of market stalls were new to her! People in turbans shifted past her, not minding this pale girl with the light-colored hair. She started to walk off in a random direction, hoping to ask someone if they had seen… the Chosen around. She would have to call him that if they were-

“Lloyd!” she shouted, finding him at the edge of her vision. She hadn’t expected him so soon, seeing the boy to the far side of the plaza, trying to usher in a whining Noishe in one of the stables. He was already looking exhausted doing so. He still had on his new outfit, but now wore belts that held his weapons. She knew of them – it was why she had started using two of her own!

Colette grew excited, waving her arms to him. It took a moment before she saw Lloyd peer through the distance, and then his eyes widened. She started to go to him.

“Lloyd, I-!” And then she had tripped. She tripped so frantically that she had completely turned around, trying her best to avoid surprised passerby. Unfortunately, the only way to avoid them was to go straight into a wall.

She heard Lloyd shout her name back once she finally fell.

“You know… you need to be more careful.”

Colette nodded silently as Lloyd pressed a small bandage on her forehead. It was only a minor scrape, that was what she usually got out of her falls. Although the stall she had fallen into had not been so lucky.

Once Colette had gotten out of the rubble, Lloyd had been rushing to her, eyes wide with surprise. The owner of the stall had been furious, seeing a Colette-shaped wall in his property… until Lloyd tried to calm the man down. There had been murmurs and stutters of the boy being the Chosen.

“Uh, yeah? That’s me,” Lloyd said, still trying to placate the man. “Anyway, she didn’t mean it! Colette just-”

“But why would such a hole be important to the Chosen?” the owner had continued. That had given Lloyd pause, slow in understanding, but then recovering quickly enough to avoid any further trouble.

“Because… it’s an important Church.. landmark?” Lloyd had winced at his own explanation, but no one seemed to notice besides Colette. “Yeah! To mark my pilgrimage… and junk. I, uh, I bless this thing!” He patted against the mark perfectly shaped like Colette’s falling body – the imprint of her arms raised high to try and avoid the inevitable. “It’s really important! It was made by my companion on the journey! So don’t be mad at her or… risk the wrath of Martel! Wait, is that right…?”

Yet even with Lloyd’s shaky explanations, that had been enough to send the crowd surrounding them into gasps of wonder. Soon people were touching the hole in the wall, now blessed by the Chosen, and that was when Lloyd took Colette’s hand and got them out of there fast.

She had seen Genis with a frowning Raine earlier, and wondered dimly if she had only gotten both herself and her friend in trouble. “I’m sorry,” she said, still seated on the chair.

“What? No, it’s fine! Someone would have tripped there sooner or later!” Lloyd had taken her into his room at the inn, worried about any injuries she may have had. “It’s not too bad. Just I guess the Professor should see later and then we can get someone to take you home-”

She knew he had been about to suggest that, and took his hands, gripping them tight. “I’m staying with you, Lloyd.”

She had expected a lot of reactions from Lloyd. Surprised at her determination, confused at why she would do so, and maybe even happy that she would go to him. But she didn’t expect the silence that followed suddenly. He didn’t grip her hands back.

Colette floundered for a moment, then instinctively reached for the necklace he gave her. It was hidden underneath her shirt, but she pulled it out, both to be reassured as well as to show him. “I want to help protect my friend on his journey… I’ve wanted to for a long time! My friend who makes wonderful things like this, and who’s always been kind to me. If I can just repay it back-”

“Colette, I didn’t ask you to come with me.”

She stopped, surprised by the sharpness in his voice. Lloyd blinked, then looked to the side.

“Lloyd, um…”

“I would have told you if I wanted-“ He bit his lip, then sighed. “This journey is supposed to be dangerous.”

Colette also looked away. “I know. That’s why I had to come.” A pause. “You’re mad at me.”

Lloyd dug a hand through his hair. “I’m… Just a little.” He sighed. “I didn’t want you to go through this too.”

Colette tried to search for a correct response. The best she could come up with, “Now you don’t have to be alone with it.”

“I have the Professor with me! Why do you-”

She gripped his hands tight, tight enough for the both of them. “I want to stay by your side, Lloyd! As.. my friend. And… I can help you. I won’t be a burden, I promise.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t say you would be.” She felt him finally hold her hands, at least slightly. “But it would be dangerous, I told you. You don’t even have an Exsphere or anything like it to-”

“I do!” Colette said suddenly. She calmed after. “I mean, I do. Look, it’s…” She rolled up the sleeve covering her right arm, showing a small key crest just on her forearm. It glinted blue, inlaid with polished metal. “I’ve been using this so I can fight off the monsters better.”

Lloyd looked at her Exsphere with complete surprise. “When did you get that?” Exspheres were not common to come by – it was mainly used by Desians or mercenaries.

“I… Dirk made me one. I saw him a while back and asked him if he could make me something. I told him I wanted to help you and he seemed really happy to do it.”

“…So.. he just had Exspheres lying around? He never told me!”

Colette blinked. “Oh. He said he’d been carrying one around for a long time.. It was the only one he had. I didn’t… ask him for an Exsphere exactly. Just if he had something that could help me.”

Lloyd continued to look surprised, confused, and a little betrayed. “But where would he just find one?” he asked, mainly to himself.

Colette wasn’t thinking about that now. She rolled down her sleeve, looking to Lloyd sternly. “I want to stay. And I know I can help you. So… please don’t turn me away.”

She saw him continue to struggle with his decision. His hands still held hers, a thumb rubbing across her palm. That somber look that she had seen Lloyd have lately – it was there again. There was once a time she didn’t know what would cause such a look in him.

He sighed again, but then small laughter left his throat. “Geez, Colette, you’re more stubborn than me.” He raised his head to her with a smile, even though it looked a bit sad still. She held his hands tighter in comfort.

“So, does that mean I can stay?”

“You’d just come back, I bet. You and Genis. I definitely didn’t expect him though!” He grinned wide then. “Missed his bestest friend, huh?”

Colette giggled, loving that grin of his. It was so rare now. “Well, he did say he missed Professor Sage…”

“Hey! What about me though?”

“It’s okay! I’ll miss you enough for the both of us!”

She wondered then, if that was a poor choice of words but Lloyd was still smiling. He even laughed.

“Heh, actually, um… does that mean Genis will be cooking for us now? The Professor keeps… wanting to do that lately.” Lloyd shuddered. “I could barely get through the first week.”

Oh no. Colette remembered the times their teacher had made the school lunch a few times. She giggled at Lloyd’s look. “I’m so sorry, Lloyd. I really am!” But she couldn’t stop laughing.

He smiled at that, even as he mocked sighed. “Are you making fun of me? Imagine the Chosen failing the journey because of indigestion. That’s embarrassing!”

It only made her giggle more, and soon Lloyd was laughing with her again.

Colette hoped she could keep him laughing throughout this journey.

Before Colette had left Iselia, she had decided to not mention what she knew to Lloyd. Even as she went over the knowledge in her head, searching for other ways, she knew it was not her place to say. But she could never fight off the feeling of wanting to be with him still. Once they had fought the guardian in the Fire Seal, she believed she could be useful while also being selfish.

A Chosen needed protectors, and she could even feel Raine’s gratefulness in having an extra pair of hands helping keep Lloyd from danger. He did run into monsters an awful lot…

Then Lloyd had nearly collapsed on the sands. She had never seen him so pale.

“Lloyd!” She caught him around the shoulders, and then he had just… kept slipping through her arms, making her hold on tighter. “Lloyd! Lloyd, wake up!”

“Wh…what?” He blinked dazedly at worried faces, leaning into Colette’s hold. “I was just… taking a nap.”

Genis’ expression went from worried to annoyed. “Are you serious?”

“Lloyd, how long have you been feeling faint?” Raine walked up to him, gripping her staff tight. “We may need to take you to a doctor.”

“I.. I’m fine! It’s fine!” Lloyd stood up again, gently moving away from Colette’s arms. “It’s just…the trial… I guess?”

Colette noted how quiet his voice had gotten then.

Raine was considering. “If that’s so… then we should at least make camp and let you rest. There’s an oasis not too far ahead. Genis, get started on dinner when we get there. Colette, please keep an eye on him.”

Lloyd stared at his Professor with some irritation. “I told you I’m fine. I’m not gonna run off!” Still, his voice was low.

But Colette knew there was something wrong.

After settling for the night, Lloyd had wanted to walk, and Colette hoped her presence wasn’t annoying him. But he seemed happy to have her near. They sat on the cool sands, the stars as outstretched as ever in the desert. Maybe they could find the same constellations here, too?

“Hey! Wanna see them again?” he asked her with a grin.

Colette’s smile must have been obvious, because Lloyd already summoned his wings. Great things that unfurled from his back in a great shift of azure light. Just like they had back in the Fire Seal. They framed him in a beautiful way that she wished she could say aloud without making it sound weird.

“That’s so cool!” she said, clasping her hands.

“Heh, yeah. Although…it’s kinda hard to get used to these.”

Colette tilted her head at him. “Your wings?”

He shrugged. “Yeah. I mean, they really do look cool! But… they’re kinda big, aren’t they?”

The night made his wings appear that much brighter. They were so much like a bird’s wings, nearly as large as Lloyd was tall. Colette was seated on his right side, and his right wing was curled around them both. She had been tempted to reach out to them, wondering if that glow would make sensations across her skin.

He shrugged. “I guess this is just what it means to be an angel or something.”

Colette pressed her lips together, not saying anything at first. She still remembered when Lloyd had paled, falling to his knees, and not responding to her at all…

“Well, you’re still you, Lloyd. Just with wings!” Maybe there were better ways to say it, but she had never been as good with talking as he was. “And…” She risked something here, but she continued. “Even if you’re an angel, you don’t have to like your wings.”

Lloyd turned to her more fully. She could even feel the wind shift behind her, his wings flinching from his motion. “What?”

“I mean…” She tried again. “You don’t have to like them. Because… it doesn’t seem like you do.” Nervously, she reached up to her necklace, its weight comforting. “I think it’s okay to feel that. Or if you find them scary. I think I would, too.” Especially after a fall like that.

Lloyd kept staring at her. Soon, his wings dissipated into nothing, leaving only floating feathers of azure that also evaporated into the air.

His gaze shifted back to the sands. “It probably seems dumb… I’m a Chosen and I can’t stand the sight of my wings, heh.” His voice was hollow.

She dared once more. “Then… why did you want to show them to me?”

Lloyd took a moment. “Because I have to get used to it. Also… it’s easier with you, you know?”

She let go of her necklace to take his hand. Though she couldn’t see the Cruxis Crystal he wore, hidden away by the high collar of his jacket, she could feel it there. Maybe Lloyd had wanted to hide it from himself too.

“It’s okay, Lloyd.”

“Hm..” he said, unable to say anything more. But she felt him grip her hand back.

Sometimes silence was all that was needed. They stayed that way for a while before going back to camp.

Colette was not always so clever, or smart, or so self-assured. She second guessed herself on so many things, that even when she met a young Lloyd back then, it was his bright smile that got her to talk to him. She hadn’t even noticed at first that few others had talked to him either, that she had been one of the first friends he ever had.

But she never doubted she was Lloyd’s friend. And she never doubted that he meant so, so much to her.

When he fell earlier today, the doubt about telling him what she knew was beginning to fade away.

“Lloyd? Why are you up?”

He was looking up at the sky, standing on a small rise. He always liked connecting the stars – and showing her how to do it as well. There was only him and her awake now, while Raine and Genis rested by the campfire. Even Noishe was sleeping peacefully, with barely a whine leaving his throat.

He turned as she went to him. “Oh, it’s my turn to watch for the night, remember?” He smiled. “You should be sleeping though! It’s pretty late.”

The journey had been long and difficult, but it was what the Chosen had to endure – at least what Colette knew about it. Lloyd rarely talked about such things at all. Sometimes… the only way one could even tell he was a Chosen was at the seals, waiting for the angels to bless him. It was only then when he would look so different, but also so sad.

And each time, she could tell it was hard for Lloyd to hide that sadness.

“Lloyd… you collapsed today. Again. The Professor said you didn’t need to do that now. I was supposed to take over…”

He blinked, then turned away. “It’s okay. I feel a lot better now.”

She hesitated. Sometimes he did this, trying to shut himself away. Sometimes, she would let him, but not tonight. She couldn’t. “Lloyd, your hand. Is it feeling better?”

“Huh? Yeah.. yeah, it’s fine!”

She reached for it before she could think to ask him. Because she had a feeling he would say no.

After the Wind Seal, Lloyd had been fainting faster, too. Enough that she couldn’t catch him this time.

The scrape was deep in his palm, still bleeding a little. Looking at it made her own hand ache. “You didn’t get this checked by the Professor.”

He took his hand away from her quickly. “It’s fine.”

She shook her head. “It’s… it’s not, Lloyd. And you know that, don’t you?”

He didn’t say anything.

Colette reached for her necklace, the gift he had given her just a few weeks before he left. Its weight was a comfort that she held onto at night, and even during their fights against monsters, bandits and Desians, it had stayed strong. It was made by Lloyd who was strong himself, she knew. But even a strong person couldn’t be…

“You’re not eating much… and you haven’t been sleeping either.” Colette would sometimes wake and still find him staring up at the stars, all by himself. “Things aren’t okay.”

She felt cruel saying these things, but Lloyd could never lie so easy, not as well as he thought he could. And right now, no good lies were coming to him. He only looked away, eyes dark and his expression somber.

“Why are you…?” he started, but couldn’t finish. Still, Colette needed to tell him more.

“Lloyd, I… know about what happens.. on the journey.”

He turned back to her then. For a moment, she couldn’t read his eyes at all. She had to fill the silence.

“This necklace you gave me. It’s more than just a present… it was supposed to be a memento, wasn’t it? But, I don’t want it to be that. I really don’t.”

“You’re… not supposed to-” Lloyd stopped, realizing his mistake. “I mean, that’s not what…”

She moved closer to him, reaching for his hands again. She tried not to squeeze it tightly, even though she knew now he would not be able to feel a thing. “I… my grandmother knows a lot about the Church of Martel. She used to be a priestess actually. She never told me exactly, but her stories about other Chosen.. and the way you’ve been acting lately..”

Lloyd still wasn’t looking at her. Afraid she was just making things worse, she started to release him again. “I want to be by your side. I don’t want you to go away. I don’t know how to stop that but... I had to at least be here.”

Just as she let go, Lloyd went to embrace her. Like he had on the day he gave her the necklace, except so suddenly.

“Colette, I’m… I’m not doing okay. I’m not… They didn’t tell me this would happen.” He held her tighter. “Dad didn’t tell me anything at all.”

She held him back. “I’m sorry.”

He shook. When he spoke, his voice was a little harsh, but she knew it wasn’t aimed at her. “Why are you apologizing? It’s not… it’s never been your fault! I just can’t.. handle this. I can’t handle anything.”

Colette pulled away so she could see him. With the way he spoke, she expected tears. But none fell from his eyes. So he couldn’t… “I’ll help you find another way. There has to be one. Because I don’t want you to go.” It sounded so childish, the way she said it. Still. “I don’t want you to go.”

Lloyd looked so sad and lost that she wished she could comfort him better. Lloyd pulled her back in his arms, pressing his forehead to hers. “I don’t want to also. I just want to stay.”

Maybe it was the sadness there that made her want to kiss him. She wished she’d have done it sooner. She had been tempted to on the day he gave her the necklace, but held herself back. She was afraid doing it now would be cruel if he couldn’t feel it. But once her lips pressed against his, he kissed her back, fingers digging into her shoulders, desperation in his grip.

It had been fierce and deep. Lloyd pulled back with a little nervousness. “Um… I meant…”

Colette leaned in to take his lips again. Softer this time, finding ways to make him feel, at least perhaps a little. And maybe he could, in some way. Because he still held her so tightly, still tried to press against her mouth as much as he could.

I just want to stay, he had told her. Colette would find a way to make that happen.

#colloyd #tales of symphonia #lloyd irving #colette brunel #fanfiction #frayed-symphony #i really love this concept so much and wanted to give something for it #merry christmas for a great friend!

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coletteleeblog · 5 years

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Lamai Beach, Surat Thani Province, Thailand

Monday, March 2, 2015

Erik's blog post

We woke up this morning with the task of packing all of our stuff up and getting it to fit into 5 backpacks and 5 carry ons for the move to Khon Kaen. Before we could get started on this though we had the pleasure of getting a FaceTime call from Colette's sister Nicole and her husband Sean. They were surprised to find out we were just getting moving at 10am...Island lifestyle...that's our story and we're stickin' to it! We showed them our house that we have been living in and shared some of the adventures that we have been having with them.

Task Competed...Yeah! Even with all the new purchases we were able to easily fit it into the bags. It went better than I expected, the kids are getting into the routine and becoming more organized everytime we move to a new location.

Last night we took our friend Ineke out for a treat, with the girls, to have some more of those buffalo shrimp from the Bikini Bar on Lamai beach. We had gone to the beach for one last swim...today needed to be a less busy day so that we are rested for our trip to Khon Kaen tomorrow. I will tell you about the trip later in this blog.

After the task of packing was completed (at 2:00 this afternoon) we went to our favorite Thai restaurant in Lamai and had a great meal of Pad Thai Gai (chicken) and sweet and sour chicken. It was amazing, the food here is REALLY good. She is such a great lady and must make a big impression on ALL of her customers because she has things on her walls from all over the world in MANY different languages. We friended her restaurant on Facebook so check it out on our Facebook page. (I think she might be addicted to Facebook!! It is weird to sit in a restaurant half way around the world and see your hostess sitting in the corner on her computer ENGROSSED in Facebook. small WORLD)

We then walked over to our favorite fruit stand bought some bananas, a watermelon and 4 coconuts for tonight's snack and tomorrow's trip. They are a great family run enterprise with their son playing in a play pen behind the selling area. Kind of reminds Colette and I of our farmer market days with Lettie. He is a very honest fellow and runs a great business.

Tonight I am taking my Sweetie out for a Roast Beef dinner and the kids are going to have Mr. Noodles, so it is a win, win situation. Full Roast beef dinner, with gravy and yorkshire pudding, I'm excited. It is a bit of a walk though so we will wait until it cools off...it is 35C today with a humidex of 38C so we are sweating to say the least.

Food is a big part of the trip...being one of those necessities of life! To put it into perspective we eat A LOT and I have lost about 5 pounds...how you might ask, well no car is a big part of it! We walk, on average, about 2 miles a day so by the time we get to and from a restaurant or the supermarket I have burned the calories already!

I will give you an overview of our next two days which will be travel days. Tomorrow we have to check out at around 12 noon and will catch a Song-Taews to the Nathon bus depot. We will then depart at 5:30 by VIP bus to the Nathon ferry pier. We are then disembarked to walk to the Ferry and get on. After an hour and a half ferry ride which will allow us to see an amazing sunset over Ang Thong National Marine park we will arrive in Surat Thani and have to find our bus all the way across the ferry pier. We will then be driven the remaining 7 hours to Bangkok's Sai Tai Southern Bus terminal. We have been told that the bus will carry on over to the Mo chit Northern Bus terminal if we stay on it. I hope so because these 2 bus depots are a long ways apart. If not I guess it will then require an extra step of finding a van taxi or a really crowded Toyota Camry (That's right in Thailand you can fit 6 people plus a driver, 5 backpacks, 5 day packs and a very large stroller in a Camry, if you have to, I DO NOT recommend it). At this point we will have completed about 2/3's of our trip to Khon Kaen. At Mo Chit I will have to go a purchase 6 VIP tickets to Khon Kaen, buses leave every 30 minutes during the day so we should be able to get on a bus fairly soon after arriving at Mo Chit. It is about a 6-7 hour bus ride to Khon Kaen and we should be able to see some interesting countryside, I am hoping, if we can stay awake! Saksay should be meeting us at the Khon Kaen bus depot to help us get to our new "home" for the next couple of months. It is a condo overlooking Nan lake right in the heart of Khon Kaen. OK so for those of you doing the math and paying attention to the details, our travel time this trip will take approximately the same length of time it took to get from Winnipeg, MB. Canada to Bangkok with exactly the same number of transfers. WOW.

Everyone should have to opportunity to do this VIP bus trip once in their lifetime, it is a wonder. The interesting part of travelling by VIP bus in Thailand is the Thai music videos that they play, at a very loud volume level, during the bus ride except for a few hours in the middle of the night. During these few hours of "quiet time" you are expected to get a restful sleep ( according to Saksay this "overnight" trip is how you save having to get a hotel room!!). During this "restful" sleep period of the trip the driver will careen in and out of Semi truck traffic all the while honking to let everyone know he is still awake and he is passing them on whatever side of the road he can squeeze through. If this doesn't work he will stop FAST, this is an amazing way to see if your adrenaline system is still working! Just when you get to sleep he will stop twice, once at a roadside checkpoint for the government to make sure he is still awake and the second time to off load the passengers for a pee stop and food. This is complete with squat toilets and bean curd filled pastries. YUM. Then back on the bus for some more "restful" sleep time. These buses are complete with Stewardesses who serve you snacks and meals and smile at you but don't speak a work of English. At every stop and on the bus they will shout instructions at you over PA systems in THAI. It is all very interesting. I actually loved the challenge of trying to figure it all out on our way down as we had NO IDEA what was happening or what we were expected to do. At the pee stop we ran from the bathroom to the food table and were handed our ration in return for the half of the ticket they had left me with. We then ran back to the bus thinking, "Wow, we were quick, we can casually eat our food and wait for the bus to leave" WRONG, the driver got on and we left with no head count or anything. I am so happy we were all there and had not taken our sweet time like we have been known to do.

I will let you know how our next travel adventure all turns out!!

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thesylvalining · 6 years

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Recently, an Italian friend of mine noted sharing my recent bicycle tour experience and outlook on life is one of the best things I can do to make my society better. I didn’t even consider enriching society when undertaking this cathartic journey; I did intend to try and comprehend my country — but even more so, I wanted to understand myself.

Pause: just in case any of you were asleep during the last five and a half months (four and a half of which I was dragging my crazy butt, bike and crap from Berkeley, California to St. Augustine, Florida)… well, I just laid out what you missed.

The Southern Tier route — however I started in Berkeley, California and cruised down to connect with the route in San Diego.

Turns out, I undertook a rather timely experience. During the era of “me too” I traveled across the USA as a solo female. Simultaneously, I threaded through areas of our very divided country — like the South — that many Americans view as unfriendly and unwelcoming. However, I discovered a very different America: a kind, welcoming America, across the board.

I also interacted with countless people who cling to “buts.” Not the cute, Italian variety — no, the kind that allows folks to evaluate their own lives and positions. They’d say things like “I always wanted to hike the Pacific Crest trail…but…” or “I wish I was as brave as you are… but,” with Borat-like pauses:

I connected with a whole slew of sympathetic souls — black, white, brown, yellow, conservative, liberal, female, male, somewhere in between — who seemed to be living lives differently than the ones they really wanted to live.

Waiting until dark before (spoiler alert!) I rode through the closed slide in Big Sur, California.

Simply showing up on their doorstep (in a guise not often spotted in rural America), in their section at the restaurant or their checkout isle at the grocery store, I became a mirror. I reflected back their own unfulfilled dreams, desires and fears. And occasionally, I was lucky enough to inspire. For example: meet Freda, a remarkable woman (and Warm Showers host) in Gautier, Alabama. I stayed with her over a weekend; in her listing on Warm Showers, she clearly states she doesn’t host cyclists on weekend — but it’s fine to ask anyway. I asked, since the weather was wetter than a whale’s back and luckily, Freda didn’t want to turn me away.

But, she wanted me to “know what I was getting into.” Every Friday and Saturday, three more people turned up the chaos dial at her house and one was her friendly daughter, a recovering drug addict. Fred said I’d have to keep a very close eye on my valuables. Her daughter simply couldn’t help it; if something was in plain sight, she’d take it.

Sunset on Dauphin Island, Alabama (my next stop after staying with Freda). Incidentally, Freda was the one who took me to that nationally renowned BBQ joint I mention (The Shed).

I decided to stay. Freda’s honesty won me over — and the fact that staying in the rain would put a real damper on my weekend (pun intended). Freda’s daughter didn’t end up being around but her grand-daughters were. After a refreshing rest day with Freda and the girls (one about eight I believe and the other an early teen), I was reluctant to leave. Freda and I kept in touch and she sent me pictures and once, a video of the girls at a Mardi Gras parade. She said they’d only let her snap away because she was sending them to me — apparently I made an impression on them as a solo girl, adventuring by bike.

So among the other missions I inadvertently signed up for, I think sharing my experience in order to impress upon and inspire people to truly follow their hearts’ desires is one. I know change is difficult and not everyone has a gypsy soul like yours truly; nor is everyone able or willing to literally pick up and move out into the Great Unknown. Society and socio-economic status are powerful enough without adding in drug addictions, hurricanes or wildfires. Or being part of (as some folks I encountered) a struggling family of farmers or ranchers to whom time off is a necessary foreign concept. However, I encountered so many people with regrets and potentially conquerable fears that I can’t help but want to instigate a little change.

Enjoying the h*ll out of Mardi Gras season in New Orleans, Louisiana.

Below is a video recorded on March 7, 2018 (shortly after the butt crack of dawn) at my dad’s Rotary International meeting in St. George, Utah. Both of my parents are champions of support, not only during this powerful, wondrous chapter of my life but generally speaking. My dad gave weekly updates at his Rotary meetings while I was riding and got enough people hooked on the journey that there were 20-25 Rotarians in attendance.

I apologize as the pictures on the screen aren’t visible in the very low-tech recording I rigged up by leaning my cell phone against a half-full cup of lukewarm coffee. The pictures throughout the blog and in the slide show below the video are the same ones I employed in the presentation. Taking a gander ahead of time may help as I refer to pictures often.

Sometimes when it rains, it pours — like it did when I hid out for three deluges this day on my way to Morganza, Louisiana.

So here’s my little challenge to you: share this post and/or video with someone in your own life who is clinging to a “but.” We never know what will stick, like a patient, helpful bur and someday, cause a great, wonderful change.

This little lady has all the gear she needs for a cross-country bike trip…

On this bike! Just kidding.

My bike is in the bottom of the cart, in pieces. Above is all the crap I carried — which my dad refers to as really heavy 🙂

Awesome, self-explanatory sign south of Santa Cruz, California.

Me hanging out with (left to right) my brother Kyle, his girlfriend Kathy and Uncle Brian in Berkeley, CA.

Meeting the sisters on the ferry from Oakland to San Francisco — Colette, in the purple, offered to put me up in Pismo Beach later if the stars aligned.

A perfect example of guerrilla camping.

That ubiquitous, gorgeous bridge in Big Sur, California.

Schlepping bike and gear up the dirt trail the locals used just south of Pfeiffer Big Sur State Park, California.

Riding the closed road in Big Sur with very little traffic.

Sage and Kiyan and I enjoying the festivities at the bridge reopening party just south of Pfeiffer Big Sur State Park, California.

Nothing to do but ride on through…

After riding through the closed slide, a chance meeting in San Simeon with docent Alan. I stayed with him and his wife Judy for four days in total. Here we are in Morro Bay, California.

Staying with Colette in Pismo Beach, California.

Meeting fellow biker friends like Swiss Phil and Rosy and Canadian Dan (I think that was his name 🙂

Taking the left turn in eastern San Diego.

Heading into the agricultural desert in California’s Imperial Valley.

Discovering the border wall in Jacumba, California.

Making the most of a rest day in Jacumba, California.

The 2500-3000 foot descent after Jacumba, California.

A glorious new friendship with Katherine and her bike, Jonie in Glamis, California.

Meeting up with mom and dad in Phoenix, Arizona.

Salado cliff dwellings near Tonto Basin, Arizona.

Making friends with Alan and Myrna in Globe, Arizona (here we are visiting Besh Ba Gowah Native American ruins).

Simpson Hotel in Duncan, Arizona where I spent Thanksgiving.

My castle in Duncan, Arizona behind Simpson Hotel.

A big climb on the way to Duncan, Arizona.

Fred, the mastermind behind fixing my broken rack with bailing wire, screws and electric tape.

Riding up Mule Creek road after getting help from Fred, almost to…

New Mexico!!

Hanging out with Eleanor, who put me up for a few days near Cliff, New Mexico.

Hiking with Joseph in or near the Gila Wilderness.

The mother of all flats…

Gila Cliff Dwellings with Noel, Susan and company outside Silver City, New Mexico.

Entering Texas, where even the dinosaurs are bigger.

Broken pannier clips in El Paso, Texas.

The Beehive in Marathon, Texas (my home for two nights).

Navigating the Chihuahuan desert in Texas… for a long time…

Christmas in Del Rio, Texas.

Spending Christmas with Lisa and Eoin.

My drinking buddy and awesome uncle Casey.

Christmas at the Cottons, which includes hanging with Beth, who rocks.

Hydroponic lettuce farming in Rockne, Texas.

The infamous Warm Showers host, Carol in Carmine, Texas.

Baby Sylva, born in Richards, Texas.

The awesome crew at Live Oak Nudist Resort in Texas.

Welcome to Louisiana!

Getting marooned in Merryville, Louisiana.

Braving the roads after the winter storm.

Frozen swamps near

Drying everything I own at a Catholic church in Morganza, Lousiana. The secretary, Retta and her husband took me out to dinner, which was an amazing surprise.

Finally arriving in Baton Rouge, sightseeing (here, I am at the top of the Capitol building).

Meeting Mike — LSU’s mascot — with another amazing WS host, Mark.

Heading to New Orleans, sleeping in a garage (another WS accomodation) in Lutcher, Louisana.

Arriving at where I was staying: Tami’s! She’s a friend of a friend but we were instant buddies. Here, we were eating King Cake for breakfast on her sweet balcony.

There was some sightseeing, some voodoo…

And of course food! First, beignets and cafe au lait at Cafe du Monde.

Then a seafood boil while it poured outside.

Here I am at the Shed, in Gautier, Alabama.

One of many heavenly sugar sand beaches in Destin, Florida.

A cloudy day to enjoy a different kind of beach beauty in Inlet Bay, Florida (staying with yet another wonderful WS host, Martin).

And then I had to suck it up and ride inland through A LOT of rain…

Staying with John after the WS host never showed at the Pizza Hut in Blountstown, Florida.

Heading further east out of Tallahassee…

Camping behind a church in Wellborn, Florida (night of the sprinkler fight).

Helping with a couple simple farm chores with WS hosts Diane and Maria in Monticello, Florida.

Enjoying Ichatucknee Springs State Park on Priscilla’s recommendation!

And meeting the awesome guys at Amigo’s dive shop, thanks again Priscilla!

Quality time with my new friends Mildred and John in Palatka, Florida.

Celebrating with beach time in St. Augustine, Florida, my ultimate destination.

Meeting up with my bro and going to Universal Studios (thanks to Alycia for the ticket hook up!).

Relaxing by the pool at my friend Chris’ house in Apopka, Florida.

Spring training baseball game with Kyle-bro and Chris.

Still curious? Good! I have an ebook in the works regarding the whole experience, with lots more pictures. Stay tuned and sign up for the blog (if you haven’t already) to receive a notification when the ebook’s ready to download. Grazie, gracias and thanks for reading!

Presenting Roads Less Traveled Recently, an Italian friend of mine noted sharing my recent bicycle tour experience and outlook on life is one of the best things I can do to make my society better.

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darkhymns-fic · 6 years

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Hollowed

Lloyd would make sure to stay by her side, even when everyone said she was already gone.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters/Pairings: Lloyd Irving/Colette Brunel, Raine Sage, Genis Sage Rating: G Mirror Links: AO3 Notes: For Tales Whump Week, Day 7, “Stay with Me.” Bit of a tragic romance, fair warning. (I’m sorry).

It was Lloyd’s role to help make camp for the night.

He would find a place underneath the wide-branched trees, the moonlight seeping through the space between the leaves. He’d make sure to put out the campfire when it was time, stomping out the ash and in turn, the smoke. He’d roll out their sleeping packs, always making two, although one would remain virtually unwrinkled by morning. He’d feed Noishe when the dog-creature came back from his wanderings, scratching behind his ears, Lloyd brightly smiling as he did so.

Once all that was done, Lloyd would look forward, to where Colette stood, staring out into the night sky. The soft hue from her wings would paint the grass beneath her, making the stalks turn dark violet. Before he called out to her, he would always hesitate.

“Colette, we should go to bed now.”

But she’d been awake for the past three years.

Genis once told him it was hard to look at her face for very long. The flat plateau of red that gazed out from those eyes only made the heart slow. Time was meaningless for Colette, so anyone who looked at her felt that same meaningless reach out to them, leaving them stranded in silence and monotony.

Lloyd couldn’t really understand such a feeling. Why look away? Doing so would only leave Colette alone.

He watched her come to him, footsteps even, her hair barely lifted by the air. She was framed by her wings, which she rarely dismissed. As if the eyes were not enough of a reminder.

“There’s supposed to be a bunch of Exsphere traders to the south,” Lloyd told her, stretching out the blankets a bit more. The night was cold, so he kept his jacket buttoned around him tight. “Somewhere near Triet. Remember? I wonder if they have that old poster of me somewhere…”

Colette said nothing. Instead she knelt on the grass before him, her eyes fixated on his movements.

“I guess they’d have gotten rid of it by now.” He sat down as well, then tried to call Noishe over. But the dog fidgeted, scurrying back to the trees as much as possible. “We haven’t been there for a while…” He turned back to Colette to smile at her. “Kind of exciting, huh?”

Colette’s eyes were full of crimson and reflected starlight.

There were four moments when Lloyd felt the world around him falling away. And one where he decided against it.

The first was when she stepped away from him and said goodbye. After that, neither a failed necklace, an old dwarf’s failing hands, nor weakening hopes could change the inevitable. Colette’s soul was lost, and in her place was a marionette, motivated by the guidance of others and self-preservation written into her core.

It was enough to have her break Pronyma’s arms in two in that parallel world. Raine had explained that Colette’s basic instincts must have thought the woman was reaching out to strangle her. Her voice had been shaking just as much as Lloyd’s heart did, remembering the loud crack and the Grand Cardinal’s screams. It had even been enough to quiet down Zelos for a few hours.

In Sybak, Kratos had come to Lloyd alone. “You should leave it be.”

That was before, when hope still kindled in his chest. “Why? So you and Cruxis can take her?”

Lloyd’s hands had been on his sword hilts. Kratos made no similar motion. His face showed much of nothing, keeping him as unreadable as the day they first met. “Do not get your hopes up. Sometimes we lose something precious, and nothing can be done about it.”

In the hotel they stayed at, Colette would stare out the window, the light of her wings shining like a beacon, lost in fog.

The second was when a new face came to share the grief. Someone who had never known that Colette could still laugh after a brutal fall, or wave away certain greens from her dinner plate.

That face was Zelos, one that shared Colette’s status, if not her ultimate destiny. His nickname for her seemed more cruel than anything else. There was no need for reminders – her wings, always manifested, were enough. He once tried to sidle up to her, teeth wide in a grin, as he bestowed upon her a shower of compliments that made Lloyd’s head stir with static. Just before he could tell the other to cram it, Zelos walked ahead, eyes lowered, lips twisted with something that Lloyd hesitated to call a smile.

Then there came more. With Presea, the engulfing presence of silence, of walking death, was becoming harder to ignore. Yet even Presea would speak, no matter how hollow her throat was, and she took no offense to Genis holding her hand as they both traversed a fallen log in the Gaoracchia forest. Lloyd could only look to Colette, watching her avoid the obstacle with her wings, and his hands would clench.

Genis and Raine would speak of Colette, of who she used to be, to each new face that joined their quest. To explain away the loss of a friend is difficult, even more so when they were standing just behind your shoulder. Not that Lloyd would ever say she was lost – merely absent, sleeping, waiting for someone to wake her up. He listened to their explanations, and it never felt enough.

Regal was the only new face that spoke with him directly. “She means much to you, doesn’t she?”

They got the ore from the mine that night. Ideas flitted through Lloyd’s mind as he wondered how he could coax Colette to borrow her necklace. Or perhaps make a new one, one that was better, one that would actually work despite his lacking skills. “We’ll get her back.”

Regal seemed to know when to end conversations. He didn’t press on and instead said, “Thank you for helping Presea as well.”

“I have to save the people in front of me,” Lloyd answered him.

When did he become such a liar?

The third was at the Iselian Ranch, when Colette, the girl who sliced through Desians without remorse, did the unthinkable.

No one understood why she would put herself in harm’s way. Perhaps it was the bubbling of the world’s mana as Sheena prepared the cannon, messing with the crystal’s hold on her. Lloyd was as surprised as anyone that she rushed in front of Forcystus’ weapon, taking the brunt of his shot. His hands still ached from the strain of plunging his sword deep in the half-elf’s torso.

It was pure luck finding out about Colette’s sickness, the crystal eating up her skin. Raine theorized that perhaps this was her self-preservation at work, revealing her problem because she innately knew that they would do something about it. Lloyd had to bite his lip to keep from shouting at her, speaking of Colette as if she wasn’t right here with them. She wasn’t dead, no matter how much everyone else might have wished that.

Then Zelos made the mistake of speaking. “Well, least she ain’t really bothered by it.”

Genis was only successful in holding back Lloyd from throwing a second punch.

The fourth was back at the tower, further gone, and crueler than the last.

The only reason Lloyd knew anything about Martel was because of Colette. The stories she would tell him, learned from her Church lessons, the soft recitations of prayers he would hear her speak beneath her breath, and the awe in her eyes of knowing the benevolence of such a Goddess. It was only through Colette’s mouth that Martel ever seemed important.

He had fought his way through the tower, and then Colette stepped out of that small chamber, her wings vanished and her steps no longer so autonomous. Yggdrasill had been radiant, hands reaching out, draped in blinding light. Colette’s eyes squinted from the strain, her mouth shaped in an o. She pressed one hand against her chest, each motion of her so human and so real that Lloyd was ready to rush to her, to make sure that nothing of her left was still as rigid as steel.

Then when she spoke, a different voice left her throat.

After Yggdrasill vanished and Colette went back to being motionless, pink and violet sparkling from beyond her head, Lloyd hadn’t realized how much he had been crying since then.

The now single world moved on, but Colette never shifted.

Lloyd took her to his home once everything was done with. Kratos had been seated by the table, leg still aching. “What will you do now?” he asked his son.

Behind him, Lloyd could hear his dwarven father continue his metalsmithing, unmindful to the turbulence of the world for the past couple of days. His dedication to his commissions was almost to a fault. “Me and Colette will be gathering the Exspheres.”

Kratos’ impassivity broke slightly. He looked pained. Lloyd could hear the words waiting on the man’s breath. She could join with me and the others, on Derris-Kharlan.

“Colette loved Sylvarant,” he said quickly. “I think she’d rather be here.”

When Raine and Genis visited later, they were a little more forceful.

“Lloyd, I really don’t think this is a good idea.” Genis sat at the same table, fingers tapping the surface. Colette was seated next to him, back straight, her gaze boring into the wall across from her. “You remember that fighting with her was always like walking on eggshells, right?”

Whenever someone got too close, especially as they swung a weapon, Colette would lash out. She could only stay back, summoning her spells, a wide berth of emptiness around her.

“She’s getting better,” Lloyd stated, carefully sheathing both his fathers’ swords. The pit of his stomach was cold. “She’s already more used to people now.”

“Wishful thinking,” Raine countered back. “Lloyd. You should come with us. You can still find Exspheres as we move along. What Colette needs now is an environment where she won’t be challenged into her defensive measures at every possible opportunity.”

Lloyd’s voice grew hard. “She can’t go home.” He saw Frank and Phaidra’s faces. Their young daughter and granddaughter might as well have been dead to them. It’s easier when you thought of someone dead instead of suffering, he realized. “And I won’t have Kratos take her. What if she finally wakes up and she finds herself all alone with strangers?”

“I thought we explained this to you.” There was condescension in Raine’s voice that he hadn’t heard since he was in the classroom. “Her soul is highly likely to be gone now. There is no one left in there to wake. Come with us.”

He hated himself for being tempted.

Genis stood, making his way around the table to get near Lloyd’s side. “Seriously, Lloyd. We tried everything. Maybe just-”

He had to go around Colette to do so though.

His body had slightly brushed against her shoulder. She turned, fingers wrapped around the chakram’s blade, and wound her arm back to strike. Lloyd rushed on top of the table, tackling Colette to the ground before she could slice open Genis’ neck. Raine gathered her little brother in her arms, scuttling them both to the front door. Both were pale.

“Colette!” Lloyd kept his arms around her as he held her from behind, locking her shoulder. “It’s okay! It’s fine!”

“Lloyd, get away from her!” Raine frantically searched for her staff, which she had left standing outside the home.

“No! It’s alright! Colette!” He embraced her tightly, face buried in the back of her hair. She moved violently, smashing him near the stove. Pans and vases fell around them. “No one’s going to hurt you! I’m here, okay? No one will ever hurt you!”

Then she had stopped.

The sudden stillness was more frightening than her movements from before. Hands lowered, and she laid back against Lloyd’s chest, looking up at the ceiling. Broken pieces of crockery fell around them like the mistakes of a watercolor painting. Genis and Raine didn’t dare to move forward.

All the while, Lloyd relaxed his grip, then placed one hand against Colette’s head. His breath nearly choked him.

“Everything’s okay,” he told her, ignoring his friends, attention only on her.

He would not let Colette fall away to nothing.

No one argued with Lloyd when he took her with him.

The last night before they set out, Colette had stood by Lloyd’s side. She seemed to watch over his shoulder as he got their supplies ready, as he talked with her, voice as light as it used to be. Dirk, more silent than he had been in years, took the boy aside.

“I’ve fixed up the nicks in your swords. Fully reinforced. Not even another mad god can damage them.” The dwarf held out the materia swords to his son, their dancing colors of red and azure slipping through their sheaths.

“Thanks,” Lloyd said, reaching for it until Dirk placed a thick hand over his.

“You come back whenever you need to. You and Colette. Understand?”

Lloyd recognized this. The same worry that had passed over Kratos’ face the last time he saw him before leaving. Only difference was that Kratos hadn’t uttered these words, knowing that he could not promise Lloyd anything else but a memory.

He nodded at the dwarf, and took the swords. “We’ll be okay. I promise.”

Lloyd wouldn’t leave Colette alone anymore.

So on that night they camped underneath the stars, Lloyd stayed beside her, reaching for her hand. It was cold, barely reacting to much at all. He kept his grip, intertwining their fingers together. If he kept looking up at the stars, he could imagine it was just like how they always used to be, back in Iselia. She would sit next to him on the grass, trying to match patterns in the sky, and she’d laugh while doing so.

But that’s what everyone did with Colette – look away, pretend she didn’t exist.

He turned to her, her gaze still hollow, but her hand never leaving his.

“Maybe I should have asked… if you wanted to come with me first.” A thumb rubbed against her palm, half-tracing words he was thinking. “Your family would still take care of you… and Kratos would, too. I guess he would know how to…” He paused, still looking at her. “But… I didn’t want that.”

The breeze had become sharp, the cold so deep that it made Lloyd shake. He reflexively reached for a blanket that he had folded up a bit messily, throwing it around both of their shoulders. Colette didn’t try to hunker down into it, and her side of the blanket kept slipping off her shoulder. The light of her wings slipped through the material, still hovering behind them, lighting up the grass in soft, dark hues.

“Ah, sorry,” he said, still looping the blanket on her until it finally stayed. “But I guess it wouldn’t –” he stopped himself before he could go on. He just kept the blankets on them both, bending his head slightly. He could see her eyes clearly, even in the night’s shadows. If he looked hard enough, then maybe.

Then maybe.

“I just wanted you to stay with me,” he said. So odd to just hear his voice and not hers. But she breathed. Just slightly, just barely. But she did, and she was alive. How could no one else see that? “I messed up everything, I didn’t protect you like I said… But I still want you to stay with me.”

If she had a voice, wouldn’t she say how she wanted to leave?

Only since that time he had calmed her down, had he ever been able to stay this close. Throughout most of the journey, there was only distance, because to get near was too risky. But every day, she walked beside him. And every night, she sat next to him, too. That had to have meant something.

This was around the time that he would go to sleep, and she would stay seated on the grass, her wings the last sight he would see before slumbering. But he didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to let go.

“I love you, Colette. I’m sorry I never said that earlier.” He leaned in just a bit more, forehead just barely touching hers. Her eyes stayed the same. “I’m sorry.”

Then she leaned forward, too.

It was only towards the crook of his neck, resting her head against his shoulder. Her eyes never blinked, or shift their gaze from always looking straight forward, but she had moved, her hair brushing his chin. Something tightened around his hand. It was her own.

It had all been so small. Every action of Colette’s was like that now, everything except when she fought against a threat. It was small, but it had felt so alive.

Lloyd wrapped his other arm around her back, keeping her close, the blanket shielding them from the cold. Tears left his eyes, falling against Colette’s cheek. She couldn’t cry anymore, so he would do it for the both of them.

Her hand stayed in his grip, still holding fast. She would stay, she would stay.

#tales of symphonia #colloyd #taleswhumpweek #lloyd irving #colette brunel #fanfiction #theres been best arts in the colloyd tag and then i put this in aagh

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