#I AM LITERALLY FUCKING BAWLING MY EYES OUT

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 21

chapter 36:

1. “It's been so long. Oh, there you are, here you are, hi,” *deep breath* AHHHHHHHHH

2. 😭😭😭 “Remus keeps a firm grip on him and turns around to promptly leave, which is probably a little rude, considering that the others are here and may wish to greet him, but he honestly can't bring himself to care about that right now” i would expect nothing less

3. WOLFSTAR REUNION!!!! I AM IN SHAMBLES!

4. “On the way, James glances back with a grin, internally wishing Sirius all the good things, because no one deserves them more.”

oh. wow. that’s such a soft line. it’s literally making me melt

5. “Remus could not be more in love if he tried.” shit shit shit shit sobbing. wolfstar deserves the world

6. “He does love Sirius, though. Loves him dearly, with every defiant bone in his body. This man, who doesn't even realize the importance of what he's just done by giving Remus an unopened envelope. Remus, who owns nothing. Remus, who has nothing. Remus, who is not granted privacy or freedom for anything like this, for anything at all.”

i am on PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION and i am BAWLING my eyes out as silently as i possibly can. y’all don’t understand the restraint i have right now to not loudly sob

7. the LETTER has me CRYING

8. THE SECRET MESSAGE

9. oh, okay. remus killed an auror/greyback. it’s honestly not as bad as i thought it would be. also, i love the lily and remus duo. they’re so iconic

10. i LOVE LOVE LOVE that zar made a point for sirius to have the discussion that his demisexuality is NOT because of trauma and he’s always been that way. it’s beautiful <3

11. “”You can ask Regulus and James; I walked around for a solid month making everyone call me Mr. Sirius Macdonald."” STOP PLSS THATS SO FUNNY

12. SIRIUS JUST TOLD REMUS HE LOVED HIM!!! this is literally so sweet

13. andjskjdksksjsms the authors note:

“sirius, internally: a guillotine could not sever the head im about to give this man. good for them 😌”

chapter 37:

1. i’m starting a gofundme to get regulus a balcony

2. "”Sirius doesn't let me drink," James replies flatly.

"Well, don't say it like that, James. You make it sound like I'm a strict parent, or a controlling spouse," Sirius grumbles. "And I do let you drink, in moderation, when you're in a safe environment and in a good mental state. Don't forget to mention that you only let me drink within those same rules."”

i bet james is upset with the rules he made for sirius so long ago. came back to bite him in the ass

3. describing sirius as “ruffled like an offended bird” has done wonders for my mental health

4. james, remus, and sirius are all hanging out and i am beyond angry that peter doesn’t get to share this moment

5. pandora is such an angel and doesn’t deserve this pain

6. pandora and reg friendship >>>>>>>>>

7. their outfits for the night!! every last one of them is slaying so hard

8. “There's a tense moment where a group of murderers all stare around at each other, not opposed to adding a few more names to their lists. Oh, and Pandora is there, too, startlingly calm despite this.”

yaxley needs to shut his fucking mouth and stop implying that sirius will fuck his way through issues

9. “"You know what they'll assume we're doing."

"Running away," Regulus mutters.

James sighs in exasperation and fond amusement. "No, Reg. Fucking. They'll assume we've snuck off to find a corner to go fuck in."”

😭😭😭😭😭 i love reg. he’s so ready to leave

10. jegulus is getting their shit together and improving. i’m so glad

11. “James swallows. "They're—they destroy things now, when they never did before. They're rough sometimes. Bloody."

"Warm," Regulus counters, pressing another kiss to James' shaking fingers. "Steady. Strong. These hands hold the people you love. These hands care for them. They're gentle. Tender."”

this is love. what they have is love. it’s messy and broken and so difficult, but they’re trying and it’s love

12. and once again we have wolfstar my true loves ☺️☺️

i feel like nows a good time to add to respect bizzarestars’ wishes to not have the fic reposted or reuploaded a different site. i can’t remember his wishes about bookbinding, but respect those as well.

thank you, lovely people

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #fanfic #jegulus #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #sunseeker #starchaser #pandora rosier #pandora lovegood #crimson rivers

[b-dwolf]

no because the thing that got me the most is oliver saying he feels a sense of responsibility for this storyline, like something he absolutely wants to bring to justice.

i remember before, during an interview from years ago (idk when but if anyone does please let me know!), oliver saying if they were to go the buddie route, that the writers would handle it with all the love and care and would want to give it the justice it deserves.

i feel fucking insane.

it’s happening guys.

in less than two fucking days.

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 on abc #911 spoilers #oliver stark #i am literally bawling my eyes out #what the fuck #you guys #oh my god??

[zaddyazula]

something i think some people don’t understand is that everyone has different things that happen to them in their life!!! just because something isn’t emotional to you doesn’t mean you should try and tell people who did find it emotional it’s not!!!! people have lived beyond who you know in person!!!!!

#i saw a barbie post and it reminded me of this #like this is so fucking simple and some people do not get it #i bawled my eyes out at the end of the barbie movie because it took me back when i was younger and i really connected with it #but my friends (who i went to see it with) didn’t cry at it or find it emotional and have since tried to convince me it wasn’t sad #you don’t know why i cried at it!! you don’t get it! #and when i try to tell them “you don’t get it because we’ve had different lives” they say there’s nothing to get because it’s not sad #they don’t get it because they haven’t had my particular experience - the same way i haven’t had theirs #i don’t know how difficult it is to not discredit someone’s emotions but it can’t be that hard #the barbie movie is really important and special to me as someone who struggles with identity #my friends don’t know this so i can’t blame them for that but the point still stands #the age old thing you are taught when you are literally a young child is that you don’t know what people are going through so be respectful #but they and other people don’t seem to understand that despite being well older than a young child #you have no idea why i find it sad. let me find it sad and move on with your life. #particularly two of them seem to try and cement this point that the film and the billie eilish song (which i literally cannot listen to) #aren’t sad #it really does irritate me because any possibility i get to say something’s sadness can be entirely subjective in some cases i am dismissed #these people are girls. they played with barbies. and still i can bet every one of us associates different things to when they played with #barbies. they do not get that. #i can’t really describe my relationship with the barbie movie properly and maybe it’s just me having a fit about it but it is so so persona #to me. #sorry for the rant. #barbie movie #barbie 2023 #zad talks

[fischiee]

y’all I am drunk as fuck but i am fed the fuck up. i am like hopelessly into this guy in our friend group bc he is so kind and wonderful and attractive and unfortunately he has decided that i am the one person to trust abt his love life and so i must apparently sit through him explaining his struggles with another girl while i am SUFFERING

like he is just so sweet and kind and YES it is a crush and yes i am putting him on a pedestal but he is nothing but kind and sweet to me and it definitely seems like he is flirting with me sometimes but i definitely cannot tell and he does talk abt this girl that he is very into OFTEN (she is for sure not me) and it’s driving me crazy i am so heart broken

#ignore this #ignore me #anyway yeah im fucking wasted so sorry pals you get me being emo abt a boy who simply doesn’t care about me #and who i am telling all my friends that i don’t care about #but he sits next to me!!! #and draws doodles on my papers!!!!! #and smiles and looks at me and tilts his body towards me and like ajdbfb #all night he let me loop my arm in him and helped guide me but then he literally told me abt the girl he’s in love with #and he was giving me a ride and being. so kind so I gave him advice about how to like date/get w/ her but it simply hurt my heart so bad #im literally bawling my eyes out AUGH #sorry team this is what happens when you follow a theatre manor who has t even graduated #you get someone so horrendously dramatic and emo #AUGH #i can’t even make up my mind abt him but i do know i want him so bad #we were enemies now we just need to get to the lovers part #it’s just so sad that he had decided that he can tell no one else abt his love life and his secret crush except for me #bc like.. girl i want you to fail (just kidding he’s so wonderful and i want him to be happy) #but it does definitely hurt but also bring me such joy for him to be like “oh i only trust /you/ with this. im attracted to someone else. #he literally let me loop his arm in him and let me touch him all night #but the second he was drawing home he asked abt a situation which her and her inviting friends to a hang out with him #and it just brown my hearT #i just #agony #sorry team im feeling emo

[wrecking]

expired white cheddar popcorn, my only solace rn.

edit: oh fuck i didn't mean to post this yet i wanted to like. space this out from my last post? sorry in advance i guess

#d #putting this one at the top -- jesus christ this got long sorry #you know this shit is bad when i. who has never drank in my fucking life. was considering just getting as wasted as possible #like so i could just not be here on the 17th lmfao #i'm not gonna do it because it'd be the worst possible thing i can do but like. was the thought there? yeah #i've been in a weird headspace since midnight on the 15th hit and tbh it was predictable #thankfully my mom cancelled my electrolysis appointment so i am just going to lose these 3 days to more or less nothingness #like just bouncing between reading stupid reddit threads and watching media and reading ...things... just to make me feel smth that isn't t #this* i'm not retyping that #like just not giving a single fuck about the ''time wasted'' or whatever the fuck cuz at this point this is the best i can do #like i've been unproductive all summer but right now i can barely stand to do anything that isn't escapism or direct sensory input or both #i'm honestly handling it better than i expected cuz like i'm at least not CONSTANTLY bawling my fucking eyes out or unable to get out of be #but like i also feel like any attempts to do more than just survive right now are futile #friday will come and i'll get my hair dyed and on saturday i'll get new clothes and then that person will finally be gone enough #''dozer'' is dead. literally and figuratively.

[bylertruther]

do you guys have any by|er fics that literally and actually Live In Your Head Rent-Free like they actually Changed you and you have never been the same since? fics tht you think abt and see so clearly in your head it's like you're remembering a tv show or movie scene? those fics where the characters' voices were so Strong tht u can still hear the dialogue in ur head?

bc for me it's undoubtedly Fight or Flight (I'd rather die). without spoiling anything, i see the final fight + onwards in my head SO. FUCKING. VIVIDLY. and it fucks every single time!!!!! literally the sexiest most horrific most gut-wrenching and positively fucking scrumptious scene(s) i've ever had the honor and privilege of reading. there's so much love in it. the good parts of love, the bad parts of love, the easy parts, the hard parts. i just. jesus fucking christ.

and then mike's interim pov that stuck with me because it was just So Canon!Mike and So Good tht it immediately seared itself into my brain as i read n as such i feel like i could recite it jus from memory alone. the fucking... the binder scene. THE BINDER SCENE. no words. shaking, crying, goosebumps flaring jus thinking abt it.

honestly i start thinking abt these fics n immediately my eyes start stinging i get a lump in my throat n i feel like tearing a chunk out of my phone with my own teeth. i just. fuc k ign . THEY'RE SO.......... UNBELIEVABLY FUCKING GOOD............... (SAID WHILE GRIPPING MY PHONE SO HARD IT SNAPS IN TWO)

#if u have fics tht u lov this much i think u should share them with the class btw this is an open invitation #i'm still in the middle of reading the third part of the series so no final thoughts yet but jus kno i am having a BALL in this bitch #and by having a ball in this bitch i of course mean that i am Literally bawling my eyes out <3 #their mind........ their talent........ literally where is their pulitzer and nobel peace prize and emmy and oscar and grammy and-- #the way that they write the wheelers and the byers and their relationships with each other............. #AND EVERY OTHER CHARACTER TOO LITERALLY AND ACTUALLY NO JOKE but u kno me im a jonmikewillel supremacist etc #bt i must say the mike n lucas interactions are just >>>>> #they Understand the material is all i'm saying #i feel like a jeh0vahs witness the way i always rec this series to ppl n sing its praises bt i can't help it. i need to gush at least #once a month or i fucking Die #it does them such JUSTICE it's so hard to write two characters true to their essence BUT TO WRITE EVERYONE THAT WAY? AND ALL OF #THEIR DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS AND HAVE SUCH A FASCINATING PLOT AND IT'S JUST. THEY'RE SO FUCKING TALENTED IT'S INSANE #THE WRITING STYLE THE CHARACTERIZATION THE WAY EVERYONE HAS SUCH A DISTINCT VOICE I JSUT . BITES U #BDHKFBKJHDSBFKJSHB #GOING FERAL OVER HERE

[oneflydude]

joseph quinn is going to the london comic con and im also going but hes going on saturday and im going on sunday

#i am so distraught rn #head in hands #lying on the floor #bawling my eyes out #his tickets werent even that bad like fucking david harbour with his £70 tickets #josephs where only £45 AND I CANT EVEN GO #STUPID LONDON COMICON #im so sad that i was literally a day from meeting joseph quinn #do i even tag this as stranger things? #gonna throw in a lil eddie munson as well #stranger things #eddie munson #joseph quinn

[wheresmulder]

.

#having a bad time #remember when I said I was gonna put off the wedding until my birthday and that would solve all my problems #Well it actually solved none of my problems #had a full blown panic attack this time #bc I've been making plans for the holidays with my best friend #obviously these plans will be including my wonderful fiance who I'm thinking of leaving #not me having to pretend to be excited about spending Christmas together with my loved ones #Now I'm like I have to do it before the holidays bc how am I going to spend the next 2 months putting on a show of being happy #When I literally just spent the last 45 minutes bawling my eyes out at the thought of making xmas cookies with my significant other #bc a month from then ill either have to leave him or marry him #and i don't want to marry him #but I can't even tell my best friend who I've known since I was 5 this information because she loves him just as much as I do #I fucking hate it here and i genuinely wish that i was never born #Literally don't want to be here anymore #he and I've barely talked this week bc ive been avoiding him bc I can't stop thinking about how im gonna wreck our whole lives #the number of people im gonna disappoint #the way his daughters are gonna take it (badly) #our moms #i cant fjcking do this like im #am i going to just marry him anyway bc i dont have the guts to call it off #it honestly shouldn't scare me this much to think abt that #i sound so fucking ridiculous #personal

[aspxnvii]

-

#my dad finally wat hes the last 5 episodes of aot season 4 part 2 and even though i finsihed the manga a year ago and i know what happens #i am literally shaking and bawling my eyes out #god this story fucks me up #i could write/talk for hours about aot #it means so much to me and I cannot find the words to describe Isayama’s story telling #just magnificent #When you can’t say the real reason Eren is committing the Rumbling is he knows his fate is that Mikasa will kill him and end the curse #freeing Ymir and deeming his friends as the saviors of humanity and ridding them of their titles as Subjects of Ymir #and that he loves Mikasa and Armin dearly and never meant to ever hurt them #and was forced to push them away so they would kill him- #i hatw this story and i love it will all of my heart #my dad was speechless at the end of part 2 #all he kept saying was holy shit #and yeaH #holy shit indeed #aot #snk #aotwriting #snkwriting #writingsnk

[dmc5se]

thinking about visions of v again and crying and sobbing and screaming about v + vergil

#i think about vergil too hard and i am literally bawling my fucking eyes out i love him so much LMFAO #im just. uee ue ue ue #the ending of visions of v literally had me sobbing at like. 2 am LMFAO #and now when i see the ending of dmc5 whenever he smiles im like. Oh god. Oh my god #he gets to have fun fighting w his brother now and it is like theyre kids again and playing snd im throwing up crying and sobbing #literally banging my head against the wall. i love vergil i think everyone should love vergil hes the most guy ever #he is everything 2 me. i love him very dearly. i hold him so sweetly #< this is all so embarrassing.

[just-stupid-stuff]

going through the worst post concert depression of my life rn

#im not okay #(i promise) #what am I gonna do now that I’m not waiting for their next show #literally bawling my eyes out to disenchanted rn #the fucking audacity to leave that stage after playing cancer #sophie talks #mcr

[skrunksthatwunk]

playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there

#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think #nyarla dni #(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only) #listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is #his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b #wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha #she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives #in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh #GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK. #it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT. #and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters #anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed #he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him #hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry #dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired) #anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed #(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he #insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex #half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he #needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw #her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh #was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY #look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean. #but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i #you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never #let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH #and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her #and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM #look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it #was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave

[29121996]

self csre is seeing a horror movie

#im ficming SAAAAAD it hit me suddenly roday #like not thst its Over but just ALL of it. the last . 19months just hit me and it just mafe me fucking bawl my eyes out #i stil ldont know why bur i do feel a lil bit better abt it :( #i just hate it all. lile mostly hate myself for allowing the bullshit to happen tk me #all bc i was so inlove with him :(. and djdnt want to lose how he made me feel #but alas. here we a re n i refuse to go back now lmao #i say that everytime but . my ego refuses jt this time #its literally . the only thing jeeping me from unbloxking him. #and mssginh him Something . but he made it clear that he doesnt wanna be w me anymorw so i am . going ticrespect that #and have SOME dignity for myself #so saw it is soci dont have to Think for an hour or two

[itsloveit]

the most heartbreaking part in healing itself is mourning your comfort reality you can’t stay in

#I wasn’t here long time huh #finished Hogwart legacy #it broke my heart it was the only thing keeping me afloat #for like few months now #especially after hearing /despite everything I am glad that I’ve met you/ #fuckk I cried like baby after this #nobody ever fucking said that to me #I am pushing ppl away so why would anyone do that #I hate it here #this game was literally everything what I’ve never had #that was in need for normal teenager to function #because my mind was too busy self destroying itself #and I’ve got any experience with being in school with friends and ppl that I felt comfortable around #it’s hard to do that when you’re mind is constantly telling you that everybody hates you #I was talking with someone and they gave me a reality check #usually I ignore that and proceed with my delusions #this time something broke in me #piece by piece #they just said it’s not real and I am bawling my eyes out ever since #fuckk me I can’t calm down #my friend saw me and she hugged me asking what’s wrong #I felt like an idiot explaining /oh yeah I miss a game about magic school fake adventures and people who doesn’t even fucking exist #I can’t leave it behind #it’s all I know #only this was ever bringing me any positive emotions while I’ve never had it in life #I just can’t #if this is how I am supposed to function then I don’t think I want it #my thoughts #it’s incredible how I can only vent in tags on tumblr

[fruiteful]

last friday i was getting eaten down to the marrow and eating his body up and down and now tonight is friday and i am in bed grieving my dead dog and haven’t heard his voice since monday…. life is wild huh loool

#like i didn’t plan on crying about my dog but man FUCK #i am in the feels #i had to rescue my neighbors dog from going in the street #she was such a skinny little white chihuahua and it literally hurt my heart #idk if she’s just that skinny or sick #it was a sweetheart…. she let me pick her up #went inside and BAWLED my eyes out #my boo texted me yesterday morning but hasn’t read it yet #WTF #all i know is he better be either dead dying almost dead or almost dying #bc him not talking to me for this long is sending me into psychosis #jay #two can play that game though so it’s all good #i feel nothing

[lveclouds]

i am going through a major book hangover rn 

#isabella.txt #i finished the serpent and the wings of night and WTF #i have literally never gone through so many emotions so quickly #like one second i was quite literally bawling my eyes out and then the next i was like: HUH??? #I NEED TO READ THE SECOND BOOK ASAP #i am so fucking sad rn wtf #also pls ignore these tags its literally just me rambling