#I know I learned it in high school but I don't recall anything about it

[chickenisamazing]

Actually. I love high school kids.

#T #I'm still scared of teenagers but #They can be cool people too #Love my middle schoolers but I'm glad to be getting more high school kids at work #High school math is also just more fun #Teaching kids basic multiplication and how to find percents gets so boring so fast #And all the middle schoolers struggle with the exact same concepts. Which like #Good for me I get practice so I can teach them better #But it's so boring #The high schoolers are a challenge I have to reach into forgotten corners of my brain to pull out stuff I haven't done in like 10 years #Like completing the square #wtf even is that #I know I learned it in high school but I don't recall anything about it #Why would you use that when you can just use the quadratic equation #But they gotta learn it so I do too #And that's fun :)

[joongernaut]

glitter

⇢ pairing(s): park seonghwa x reader

⇢ genres: childhood friends to almost strangers to lovers, SMUT, fluff, a little angst but literally just a smidge

⇢ warnings: tooth-rotting fluff (i could not help myself with this one), subby-ish seonghwa because we love desperate men around here, oral sex (fem receiving), vaginal sex, cowgirl, reader gets called 'noona' once, creampie (i simply forgot to write in a condom but practice safe sex everyone!)

⇢ word count: 3955

⇢ author's note: well this took a bit longer than expected but i was able to proofread and tie up the loose ends on this fic last night and now here we are! this is also my way of wiggling into writing for ateez more as they are one of my favorite groups 😁 also the song title is based off the song glitter by jamilah barry <3 enjoyyy

✧

“Did you know your little boyfriend is back in town?”

The question stopped you in mid-sip of your cup of tea as you peered over the rim of the mug at your roommate, Hongjoong. He peered back over his own mug with a little smirk on his face and a lift of his eyebrow.

Slowly bringing the mug down you let out a heavy sigh. “Oh, I’ve only heard the news about a hundred times. Kinda hard to forget, y’know,” You bit back with a sarcastic smile, “Also, he was never my boyfriend. Why does everyone keep saying that shit?”

“Hm, I really don't know,” Hongjoong said with a shrug, taking a drawn out sip from his coffee before speaking again, “It’s not like the guy followed you around like a lost puppy before and you let him. Honestly, I’m a little surprised you two didn't tie the knot right after high school, I was so sure you would be childhood sweethearts turned old, disgusting married couple.”

Hongjoong hissed as your foot kicked at his shin from under the table, glaring at him before you finally downed the contents of your mug. “God, you all are so annoying! First, my own family and now you? I don’t care if he’s in town, okay? We haven't talked in like 5 years and I highly doubt that I’d see him anyways. It’s whatever.” You said exasperatedly, chair scraping against the floor as you got up to place the empty mug into the kitchen sink.

“What if you do see him, though?” Hongjoong asked, the question once again catching you off guard. “What if he hasn't forgotten about you in the slightest in those years you two have spent apart?” He pressed on with a pointed look, watching your mouth open and close as you blinked over at him.

Park Seonghwa, from what you recalled years ago, was a very sweet boy.

You remember the first day you had met him, walking into your elementary homeroom class clinging to his mother with a thumb in his mouth and fat tears rolling down his face as he refused to let her go.

You were only 2 years older than him but still had felt the overwhelming need to protect him from any harm. And that's also how you two became close friends.

When Seonghwa would fall down and scrape his knee or elbow, you were there telling him not to cry while dusting him off and helping him get back up. When he wanted to be like the bigger kids, who were taller and strong enough to get on certain parts of the playground, you were there to encourage him and give him a boost. And when his eyes sparkled with curiosity, wanting to learn more about this and that as he gained new interests, you were there to talk and listen to him ramble on and on about anything and everything.

That Seonghwa was the one you hadn’t seen in years. You had been really good friends leading all the way up to high school and then slowly drifted apart during that time. Once college had begun, it was like he dropped off the face of the earth and you didn't hear from him for a while.

It wasn't like you to be stuck on anybody for too long, you watched many people come and go into your life before. But Seonghwa wasn't just anybody and you couldn't help but wonder about the crybaby often and what he had been up to lately.

Okay so maybe you did care just a little bit that he had come back to town. But did it really matter? After all, neither of you really made the effort to reach out to one another after going your separate ways.

You shook your head, pushing those fleeting thoughts away before you reminisced too deeply. “Like I said, I highly doubt it.” You mumbled with a shrug before turning away, a part of you truly doubtful while a sliver of yourself remained hopeful.

✧

You were home alone the very next day. Usually Hongjoong would be the one to stay inside while you were out and about but he had run off to god knows where and he insisted that you stay at the apartment to relax. “Because you deserve it.” He had told you with a wink.

So, naturally, you were suspicious.

Not that Hongjoong was an untrustworthy person or anything but this almost, overly-nice front he had put on since this morning was just a little off-putting. Before you could really begin to question him, he had already flown out of the door and was barely responding to your text messages.

He did make sure to tell you to listen out for the door, however, as he said he was ‘expecting something’. You had almost forgotten about whatever that ‘something’ would be, hours into the afternoon, until you heard the sound of knocking coming from the front door of your apartment.

Dreading on leaving the comfort of your spot on the couch, you heaved a sigh before getting up from your seat and dragged yourself over to the door to answer it. “Hello-” You swung the door open and were immediately greeted by someone's chest in your line of vision. Your eyes traveled upward and you felt your breath catch in your throat.

“Y/N… It’s good to see you again.”

The man before you looked much different from the last time you had seen him. But even with the big and little changes in his appearance and how he seemed to carry himself differently, you could still tell exactly who he was just based on the look in his eyes.

“Seonghwa,” You gaped, still not entirely sure if you were seeing him in front of you or just hallucinating after watching TV all day, “H-How… How did you…?” You trailed off with furrowed brows as he gave you a sheepish look in return.

“Ah, sorry, this is rather impromptu of me. I bumped into Hongjoong a few days ago when I first got back and he mentioned you two were roommates so…” Now it was his turn to trail off as a small blush formed on his cheeks. You mentally cursed at Hongjoong, finally putting the pieces together that he had set this all up. You didn't know whether to kiss him or kill him.

“I see,” You muttered, reminding yourself to shoot the little mastermind a colorfully worded text later, “Well, please, don't be shy. Come in, come in.” You insisted, a smile spreading across your face genuinely as you stepped to the side for him to enter.

Seonghwa smiled back gently, a sight that made your heart soar as you saw a flash of the boy you used to know appear for a split second before he stepped over the threshold.

✧

It had been hours of just talking and catching up with Seonghwa. You had learned that he was finishing up his last year of college soon, reaching to earn his degree in astronomy, and planned to move out of his dorm and into a place of his own nearby. The university he had attended was well out into the city, roughly 8 hours away, meanwhile you had attended your local college in town and graduated with your art degree about a year or so ago.

“Definitely not as cool as studying the stars and planets, though. I’m like the definition of a starving artist.” You chuckled, albeit a bit bitterly, facing Seonghwa as you propped your elbow over the back of the couch and tucked your legs underneath yourself.

Seonghwa had turned to face you as well but a bit awkward in body language, one leg crossed over the other as his hands remained in his lap stiffly. “Ah, it's not all that interesting. Trust me. Once math is involved, then you’ll see what I mean.” He said, earning another laugh from you that made his shoulders less tense and a fond smile spread on his face.

“You were always the artistic type, though. That’s something I’ve always liked and admired about you. Never afraid to be yourself… Just being able to think of something so creatively, from a vastly different perspective than anyone else, and turning it into something so beautiful. That’s always been pretty cool to me.” He went on, leaving you a bit stunned at his words.

“Hwa…” The old nickname slipped from your lips in a whispered tone and his eyes found yours, locking onto them as a few seconds passed by in stretched silence. Seonghwa opened his mouth to speak again, hesitating at first before licking his lips, and asked, “Can I tell you something?”

Words felt like they would fail you right now so you simply nodded for him to continue. Seonghwa swallowed the lump in his throat before speaking again. “I’m really happy that you still remember me. I know that's silly to say because it's only been a couple of years but I wouldn't know how to feel if you acted as if I was a complete stranger…” He said, looking away with an almost pained expression despite the smile still on his face.

“I would never! We were important to each other back then.” You told him, scooting closer to him on the couch as you reached out to place your hand over his own. Seonghwa’s eyes shot down toward the movement, feeling the warmth of you from your body’s proximity and your fingers touching him so delicately, then back up to your face. “And now? He questioned, hopeful, as he placed one of his hands over yours and squeezed.

You squeezed his hand back and sighed. “I was scared of the same thing… that you would forget about me or pretend like you did. Or you would see me and want nothing to do with me so I figured I’d try to avoid you... But after you showed up and we talked, it feels like you never really left at all.” You admitted, feeling Seonghwa subtly shuffle closer to you.

“I thought about you almost all of the time during the years we spent not with each other, Y/N. I don't think I could forget you even if I tried.” He admitted back, similar to the words Hongjoong had said to you the other day. That had to have been something Hongjoong had heard him say when they bumped into each other and you mentally noted to punch the man whenever he got home.

Right now, however, you were going to focus on Seonghwa and what you wanted to do next.

Your hand came up to wrap around the back of his neck and he froze, his body stiffening as you leaned in close until your lips were a breath away from his own. “Tell me if this is okay. I want to show you how important you still are to me.” You murmured, the movement of your lips lightly brushing against Seonghwa’s causing him to exhale shakily.

A quick nod was all the confirmation you needed before diving in, catching his mouth in a deep kiss. You untangled your other hand from his lap and brought it up to join the one around his neck as you pulled him closer, crawling your way into his lap in the process until you were straddling one of his thighs.

Seonghwa’s body shook slightly underneath you, his hands hovering over your sides as if he were hesitating to touch. You pulled away briefly, nibbling at his bottom lip before tugging it and making him groan. “You can touch me.” You said, sensing his hesitation, and started to lick the seam of his parted lips.

He let you in with no resistance, the feeling of your tongue against his wet and probing as his hands gripped onto your waist tightly.

You licked in to Seonghwa’s mouth eagerly as you started to move forward until he was effectively pushed onto his back with ease. Feeling breathless, you parted from his mouth again to catch yourself but started to trail your lips from the side of his face to his neck where you began to bite and suck at the sensitive skin there.

“Y/N…” He gasped before letting out a whiny moan. Your eyes flitted up to his face to take in the sight of Seonghwa— already looking debauched and fucked out, and you barely even started. “What do you want, Hwa?” You mumbled against his skin and he shivered at the sensation.

“Whatever you want. You take the lead. Please.” Seonghwa replied in a strained voice, holding onto you as if you were a lifeline.

When you suddenly pulled away from him and stood up, Seonghwa shot up in panic wondering if he had said something wrong until you put your hand out for him to take wordlessly.

He kept his mouth shut and took it, letting you guide him all the way to your bedroom where you closed the door behind him with a click of the lock, officially sealing your fate together.

“You told me to take the lead, right?” You questioned once you were facing Seonghwa again, slowly approaching him. Your finger traced small shapes onto his chest as you backed him up into the bed, the back of his knees hitting the edge and making him sit down.

His ass hadn't been on the bed for more than 3 seconds before Seonghwa slid off of it and onto his knees in front of you, peering up with wide expectant eyes. “Yes. You can do whatever you want to me, I’ll enjoy anything you give me.” His tone of voice sounded airy as he uttered those words and you couldn't help but run your fingers through his hair as he leaned into your touch.

“You’re already on your knees for me… surely you already had something in mind.” You smirked at him teasingly, watching him shift under your gaze. “Can I…?” He trailed off questioningly as his eyes flickered quickly from your face to the crotch of your sweatpants and back up again. Heat pooled in the pit of your stomach seeing how eager he was to please. Eager to please you.

You tugged your sweatpants down until they dropped unceremoniously onto the floor, kicking away the article of clothing before stepping closer to Seonghwa. His breathing had gotten shallow once his eyes fell onto your panty-covered pussy, the thin layer of the material leaving little to the imagination. The small wet spot he could see near the center made his cock twitch, straining against his pants.

Seonghwa’s hands gently grazed along your ankles first, gradually going higher from there to the back of your knees and up the back up your thighs. A small shiver raked through you when his fingers traced the lining of your underwear, slipping under the band a little as he grabbed ahold of your ass.

“A-Ah… Hwa…” You moaned softly when he pressed you forward into his face and placed a lingering kiss onto your mound right where your clit was. You took a step closer to him, pressing his face fully into your pussy now, and what little hold he had of his composure immediately slipped.

Seonghwa groaned as he buried his face into every crevice he could fit into, his long tongue rolling out of his mouth so he could run it along the moist material messily. “Knew you’d taste good,” He mumbled against the inside of your thigh, “Smell good, too. I could only dream about something like this happening in real life.” He added before latching his lips onto your clit and sucking the bud through the fabric. This plus the friction of your panties still covering your pussy was enough to make your body lurch forward a bit.

The back of Seonghwa’s head was now pressed against the edge of the bed, pinned between the comforter as you began to grind against his face.

“You should've told me sooner. I think I like seeing you like this.” You told him with a breathless giggle, swiveling your hips as Seonghwa tried to follow every movement to the best of his ability. He didn't mind it. You were using him to pleasure yourself and he couldn't be any more happier.

His grip on your ass had tightened when he felt you begin to back up and you rubbed your thumb against his wrist to make him loosen his hold. “I just wanna move onto the bed, Hwa.” You reassured him and he reluctantly let go. Despite not being completely bare, the evidence of your arousal shined like a gloss on Seonghwa’s bruised lips when you got a good look at him.

You crawled onto your bed, peeling your shirt and dampened panties off before throwing them somewhere you’d worry about later, and waited for Seonghwa to join you. Realizing your lack of underwear now, he followed along until he was stripped bare and crawled slowly up the bed until he was situated between your spread thighs.

Seonghwa’s eyes stayed locked onto your own as he trailed kisses along the inside of your thigh, bringing his face closer and closer until he could finally taste you without restriction or barriers.

The first swipe of Seonghwa’s tongue starting slowly from your hole up to your clit had your legs spreading out wider for him. And when his plump lips wrapped around your clit sucking earnestly, you felt your eyes nearly roll to the back of your head as you reached out to grip his hair roughly.

Seonghwa groaned, muffled by his ministrations, and the vibration of it made your hips buck up. He unlatched himself from your clit briefly only to laser focus his attention on dipping his tongue into your hole to lap up whatever juices started to leak from it.

“Hwa,” His name came out in a shuddered moan as you placed your hands on his shoulders and squeezed to get his attention, “I really need you.”

Seonghwa’s response came delayed, spending a couple extra minutes using his tongue to simply savor your taste before he made his way up your body where his mouth came crashing into yours. “You have me, baby.” He panted between open-mouthed kisses as his hand came up between your bodies to grab ahold of his throbbing cock.

“Do I?” You smirked against his mouth, nudging his hand out of the way so you could wrap your own around his length. Seonghwa gasped lightly, bucking up into the tight ring of your fist. “You think you could switch places with me, baby?” You purred as you stroked his cock languidly. It didn't take long for him to carefully flip the two of you over and have you hovering above him.

“Fuck, you're–” Seonghwa breathed out, eyes glued to your face as you rubbed the tip of his dick through your folds, “you’re just as beautiful as I always remembered but this is truly a sight.” He said while trailing his hands along your thighs then higher up to your hips where he held onto them as you lined him up to your entrance.

The breach stung a bit once you started to sink down onto him and Seonghwa rubbed his thumbs gently into your hip bones as you took your time taking him all the way inside of you. “I’m starting to believe that crush everyone keeps saying you had on me.” You sighed out once your pelvic bone met his, moving your hips slowly in small circles as you relished the way Seonghwa felt so deep inside of you.

“Have,” Seonghwa corrected as he tried to keep himself still under your movements, twitching every time he felt your walls constrict around his cock, “I think it was obvious to everyone but you.” He licked at his lips before tucking his bottom lip between his teeth when you lifted yourself up momentarily only to sink yourself back down onto him.

Picking up a steady pace now, not going too fast or too slow, you simply enjoyed the way Seonghwa stretched you out and filled you up with every movement of your hips. A whimper-like sound punched out of him when you came back down just a little bit harder, clenching around his cock, and you cooed at the noise. “Poor baby. Am I at least making it up to you well?” You pouted at him with a tilt of your head, smoothing a hand down his chest soothingly.

“Noona,” Seonghwa whined, your body immediately stiffening at the sound of his voice sounding so wrecked, “Please, please go faster.”

You obliged without question, deciding that you would have a chance to tease him another time. You pressed your hand down flat on Seonghwa’s chest and used it as leverage to ride him the way you knew you would both love; bouncing on his dick as he thrusted upward involuntarily to meet the action.

This helps Seonghwa to go a little bit deeper, the head of his cock brushing along your walls just right until he hits directly at the spot that has you quivering above him.

You can barely hold yourself up and soon feel your arm give out as you bow your back and press your foreheads together. “Feel s-so good, baby…” You muttered while staring into Seonghwa’s eyes. His half-lidded gaze stared back briefly before pressing your mouths together in an intimate kiss.

He then caught you off guard by starting to buck up into you, almost frantically, as he wrapped his arms around your body and pressed you to his chest. “Cum with me, please, please, please–” Seonghwa begged, seemingly right on the edge of cumming.

Thankfully you weren't too far behind him with the way he had started to desperately fuck into you. And with the remaining body strength you could muster, you rode him with just as much urgency while still pressed closely to his chest.

Seonghwa had been the first to tip over, pleading over and over again until his voice became slightly hoarse. He stilled himself deep inside of you before you felt warmth filling you up in spurts, a pretty drawn out moan falling from his lips as you clenched around him tightly and followed suit.

You whimpered as Seonghwa helped you ride it out, his hands placed on your waist to help you grind down against him and giving your clit some added friction.

Feeling boneless, but most of all satiated, you finally collapsed against him as he started to rub along your back and traced over your spine. The delicate feeling of his fingers sent a tingle throughout your being that you could only chalk up to the resurfacing of those feelings you had kept hidden so deep within.

Seonghwa attempted to sit up and you grumbled in protest causing a laugh to escape him. “We have to get cleaned up.” He reasoned but you only clung on to him tighter as he rose and had you seated on his lap. “Will you stay afterwards?” You asked quietly, hope laced into your tone with a hint of vulnerability. Because now that you had him in your life again you would be damned to see him go so quickly.

“Of course. I’m not going anywhere without you again.” Seonghwa said, leaning forward to press his lips chastely against your forehead before looking at you with eyes full of love and sincerity.

Those same eyes that always held the stars in them that sparkled like glitter and reassured you that he would be right by your side for as long as you would let him.

#park seonghwa #seonghwa #ateez smut #ateez fluff #ateez fics #ateez reader insert #ateez seonghwa #ateez x reader #kpop fanfic #kpop fics #kpop smut fics

[remidyal]

I don't normally write for the in-progress season, but have a little snippet of Adaine and Aelwyn's first in-person conversation for junior year, spoilers through episode 2 below:

"You're TEACHING? How are you teaching? You didn't even graduate from high school, Aelwyn." Adaine said, standing in the tiny kitchen of her sister's new apartment. A layer of impressive abjurative magic was keeping the smell of the litter box at bay; it turned out that Aelwyn appeared to be allowing every feral cat in all of Elmville to stay in her apartment when they wanted some food and a warm shelter.

"Yes, well, that's why I'm not teaching high school, Adaine. I graduated middle school, you know? With enough knowledge to even pass the test that comes after it, as you might recall." The barb was lessened a little bit by Aelwyn handing over a cup of tea, even with her eyebrow raised, but Adaine wasn't going to allow that to distract her.

"You need to learn how to teach in college. There are certifications you have to get, and also you were a wanted criminal like five months ago, and… how did you really get hired?" Adaine asked, worry leaking into her voice.

"…I may have told them that I studied abroad in Fallinel for the last year and a half and was certified there." Aelwyn finally admitted, waving a hand. "Don't worry so much. Jawbone didn't graduate high school either, and he's doing fine as your guidance counciler."

"You're not supposed to be doing anything like that, what about your terms for asylum?" Adaine said, and Aelwyn seemed to pick up on what Adaine didn't actually want to say.

Her voice was softer, now, what Adaine recognized as her attempt to be reassuring. She still wasn't good at it. "Oh, come on now. I'm reformed, yes, but I'm reformed from things like murder and mind control and selling drugs and the like. I just told tiny little fibs in job interviews; I'm reformed, I'm not a saint. If you want a saint, you should talk with the lesbian you still live with instead of one of the ones that moved out."

Adaine sipped at her tea, considering that for a moment, and then choked on it. "..What?"

#fanfic #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #dimension 20 #fantasy high #adaine abernant #aelwyn abernant

[bangobeep]

A Love Letter to Jazzpunk, by Ed

It's crazy how fast time can go by when you're enjoying yourself. It's been about three years since I first encountered this game, and I could not be happier with where it's brought me. I've learned so much and met so many wonderful people through it.

For a game that can be played in 2 hours and a half, it sure is complex; so full of jokes and content that can take literal hours to be taken apart. It's brought me closer to an appreciation of things like abstract art, the cyberpunk genre, analog tech, vintage clothing, suits, among a few others.

I remember my first interaction with the game. Funnily enough, it was not through Ranboo like what I usually tell. Back in the day, 2021, I was a mere high school student who, to cope with the horrors of the pandemic, used to be into the DSMP. Woo. Yeah. No shame in admittance. Well, only a little bit.

There was this one cosplayer I used to follow on TikTok (if I recall correctly, their name is Fern [they/them]); mainly because of their c!Foolish cosplay. I was drawn to them and their energy and the way they portrayed characters! So, naturally, I followed them and interacted with their videos every now and then.

On the 23rd of June of 2021, I found myself doom-scrolling on the app (as one does), and I came across one of their videos, though this one was not from any media I knew or was used to watching from them.

The song spy? by WHOKILLEDXIX started playing, and there he was. Glasses and (makeshift) orange tie. Business card. Coat. A little unhinged, yet classy. The Editor.

I feel as if I was so drawn to him because of what I wanted to do after high school. I wanted to study literature in college to become an editor myself! I wanted to correct people's texts, be annoying about it and get paid for it! And would you look at that, the name of the guy is quite literally The Editor. LOL.

As the days went by, I found myself going back to the video, waiting for them to upload more, to feed into my curiosity. I loved the video I saw so much I saved it to my gallery the exact same day I saw it.

Then came the second one, with actual footage from the game. "Quick, look behind you." The Director says, and the camera cuts to the ground, and Fern's shoes. I heard their voices for the first time. "Improvise, I know you'll do well by me." He says again, and I grow ever so drawn to it. Five videos are more than enough. And while I don't look it up just yet, it's in my head.

Until the 25th of July 2021! Like I said, I used to be into the DSMP, though by then, the fixation was fading, and I found myself in that limbo where nothing quite caught my attention. On that day, Ranboo tweeted something about a Jazzpunk stream, and it instantly caught my attention. I was quick to put down anything I was doing to find out what it really was.

And though I was not particularly interested in them, or their streams anymore, I was hooked! I was not the kind to stay for an entire stream, yet there I was. Two hours and thirty something minutes of being beamed in the brain with pure madness.

And then it was over. And I found myself gripping every single piece of fanart I could find with my bare hands, screaming because there had got to be more, right? There had to be more.

And there was! That's when Tumblr became my main form of internet presence. First was Instagram, then came Twitter, and well, would you look at that, I made it here.

I started drawing. I must admit, my first few drawings were atrocious, but looking back on them now, I feel proud. People say that when you fixate on something, your art develops as you go, and they're right!

A year and a half are all my prior account lasted. By the same name. I made a stupid joke to my boyfriend, sending one (1) spam message in their ask box and it was gone! And so, bangobeep 2.0 came to fruition. But that's not the point.

Back when I first got into the game, the need for connection was strong. I found myself craving the partnership; the long, late-night talks about little details of the game, the roleplaying, the scenario thinking, and so the Jazzpunk server came to life on the 13th of August 2021. Named Jazzpunk Moment. I sent a DM to the people I saw most often in the tag back then: Pangolin-404 and Vendotlover, both of which I admired very much!

I remember looking at their art and reading their fanfics and thinking to myself: 'Wow, what I'd give to be able to talk to the cool kids!' And well, I did! I talked to both, and they both agreed to give me their discord, after which they (and a few others with time) joined the server.

Some time after that, I befriended them personally through our mutual love for the game and similar interests, as well as through general chitter chatter about me being hyperactive when on caffeine, 404/Caligula telling me about Sammy Lawrence from Bendy and the Ink Machine, and Ven telling me of xeir OC whose name came from Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss. I’m happy to say nowadays I still talk to both Caligula and Ven very often. In fact! I consider Cali one of my best friends, and I am kinda gay dating Ven. So, you know. Fun things bring fun people together. :)

Then came around people like Jazz Jazzanon, Zippy Zippycup, Jazzhands, Noah, Wither, and a couple others that, while I won’t mention, made this experience something wonderful for me.

I can’t quite find the words to express this something so dear to me. Jazzpunk, as short as it is, changed my life in ways I could’ve never imagined. I’ve started researching things I thought I’d never be into, started books I loved, got into music I had never listened to before, and it all helped build me as a person these three years. It’s brought me unimaginable amounts of comfort and joy, and I don’t think I’ll ever find something else that will make me feel this whole.

I could go on and on about how I have projected so many little aspects of my life onto my interpretation of it. About how the way I interpret Polyblank is highly influenced by those I love. About how the paintings in The Editor’s house fit him and his personality, but those are topics for another day.

The world out there is wacky and crazy, and Jazzpunk does a great job at feeding into the fact it can be strange, it can be difficult, and it can be fun.

So, to 10 years of community, 10 years of happiness, 10 years of a game that will stay with me forever, and many more to come!

Thank you, Jazzpunk.

#jazzpunk #jappy jazzpunk janniversary :^)

[shuttershocky]

Does the passage of time ever depress you?

You know what depressed me? Being in college with half my department branding me as an undesirable graduate because of my poor grades and trying to boot me out. I was in and out of the admin office managing an appeal every time they kicked me. I was being told things like to be on my guard because I was being watched for the smallest mistake and professors that helped me would get in trouble. It was bad enough that someone raised ethical concerns about how they were treating me.

So one day I thought I'd rather just kill myself than explain to my parents that 5 years of tuition fees went down the drain because I took a course I was warned in high school that I couldn't do. I walked from my department to the road where I knew trucks drove fast and kept nearly hitting me wherever I crossed.

I waited for a truck, stepped out on to the road, then jumped back on to the sidewalk when this seething hatred for my department and academia surged through my thoughts and I realized if I died here then they'd finally get rid of me, but if I walked back and miraculously passed the hell semester they designed, then I'd be in their faces for one more year.

The truck flew past me, so close and so fast that the wind slapped my face. It didn't even bother to slow down when it saw a student on the road.

So I went back, and with the sheer power of venomous, unending spite (and some luck), I passed all my classes while doing both my thesis (I owe my adviser my life for her being so understanding, and my thesis was a truly cool project that sent me all over the place) and my part time job for a nearby indie game dev.

During my graduation, the Dean of Engineering (who I also owe my life to) asked the crowd to raise hands if they were graduating in 4 years. Then she asked for 5. Then 6. Then 7+, with the last batch laughing nervously while raising their hands. Then the Dean said to raise those hands with pride, because even if it took awhile and even if the grades weren't perfect, graduation is graduation. You did it. You're getting that degree.

And thats when it really hit me, you know? At the end of the day, I won. A bit unfortunate that none of my professors attended my graduation, because I really was hoping they'd see me get my degree. I wanted them to see that I wouldn't be there if I didn't learn to despise my department the way it despised me.

Does the passage of time depress me? Sometimes I feel nostalgic. My elementary school is gone now, and my high school is nearly unrecognizable after renovations. I've had difficulties keeping in touch with some friends who I still feel much fondness for, and I wish I had been there during some milestones of their lives. But the passage of time itself? No.

What depressed me was being told that I was undesirable. What depressed me was being told that I was being watched for the smallest mistakes. What depressed me was seeing the years of fluking my way through scholarships and other things meant for genuinely gifted kids and not good test-takers (I was good at memorization) finally catch up to me when my ambitions exceeded my abilities.

Now I'm a working adult with a completely different job using skills I got from the various part time jobs and internships I took over my college years rather than anything I actually learned from my classes. Having a daily grind sucks, and so does things like needing to buy food and pay taxes and all other necessities that shrink your salary, but it doesn't depress me.

Every time I feel down or tired, I recall the time I fucking won and this wide, hateful, bitter smile splits my face in two. I'm still here to enjoy the years go by, seething in my trauma, but still here.

Let me just add that I don't like recommending spite as a motivation. Hatred is exhausting and soul-sucking in a way that nothing else is like, and I'm the sort of person that prefers to find even a little joy in whatever I'm currently doing. I feel like if you push yourself forward through spite, you hollow yourself out and become unable to fully enjoy the good that you find.

I can't however, say that spite isn't real damn effective.

It sure worked for me.

#tw suicide mention

[transmutationisms]

This is probably a bit more basic than a lot of asks you get and I'm sorry to bother you with this but I was wondering if you or your followers had any recommendations for online (/otherwise accessible on the computer, like a pdf) resources (courses? webpages? honestly whatever) for learning about um… note-taking, and summarizing information. Not a specific 'style' of note-taking necessarily but honestly just the basics on a high school or even middle school 'level' (whatever that even means). not even for the purpose of making connections or building my own ideas or anything, but just basic notes to aid recall/memory (just for personal use, I'm not in school or anything atm), how to summarize things effectively instead of essentially rewriting the entire text. I didn't get much practice with this in middle/high school (or if I did I don't remember it) because I was able to remember things pretty well without it; I always struggled with like being too detailed (not very good at excluding extraneous information) but never really.. learned how to remedy that. then I got chronically ill and dropped out of high school and now my memory sucks and I don't have most of the skills I used to have, and I'm wanting to relearn how to do 'basic' things I've forgotten how to do.. or learn new things I 'should' have learned a while ago but never did. anyways I just don't really know where to start, there's so much information out there that i become overwhelmed with choices (while also feeling doubt because maybe I'm missing a more 'useful' resource because search engines suck so much these days). any sort of direction that you or your followers might have would be super appreciated! it may well not be something you know many resources for bc it's a 'simple' thing that a lot of people learned earlier on, which is fine, just figured it couldn't hurt to ask. either way thanks so much for your time & have a nice day

well i mean if anyone has specific tips or something for this feel free to drop them but... i don't think there are really rules for note-taking and i've never met two people who do them the exact same way. it really just depends what purposes you're working toward and what you're studying and so on. i don't use the same method for different projects even. i did learn 'cornell notes' as a teenager which you can google but i hated them, never used them, and have just trial-and-errored my way to a few other methods that i find helpful. i guess my only real universal tip would be that if it's possible to do them electronically, it can be really useful to have them be text-searchable when you're trying to remember details down the line

#i do sometimes take notes by hand tho lol it depends if i want to be able to see it all laid out on the page. otherwise i usually dump #everything into zotero but that's certainly not the only way to get this done 🤷‍♂️

[zabiume]

Hi!!! Not the same anon, but I really liked how you addressed the ichihime dynamic during ichigo and grimmjow’s fight in hm. I know you’re not exactly a renruki blog but I recently saw some ir shippers trying to say that “if it wasn’t for ichigo, renji would’ve let rukia be executed” and I wanted to know your thoughts. Personally, I don’t agree at all and although it’s been much too long since I’ve read the manga, I feel like at some point renji says something and/or reacts in shock to the news of rukia’s sentencing bc didn’t he believe that she would just get a slap on the wrist??? Idk but I wanna hear what you think or what you (or anybody else who reads this ask and feels like adding onto this) can recall from that arc.....

i'm going to be sooooo honest: i don't really enjoy responding to takes from that particular fandom for several reasons, namely that a) their perspective never matches with mine on...anything b) i feel like it's unproductive to "debunk" the way someone else enjoys the series (if they're really enjoying themselves idk idc) and c) they're a very vocal side of the fandom and i don't like engaging with that kind of energy. this isn't particularly at you or anything, but i really don't care what anyone outside my bubble thinks about one of my favorite series, and i want to continue to enjoy it this way. people are free to feel however they want about something, but i'm not obligated to care or interact with it😅

that being said, renji has been one of my favorite characters ever since my very first interaction with this series back when i was in high school and that hasn't changed over the many re-reads i've done since then, so let's talk about it! sorry if this gets long!

firstly, there is some truth to the "if it weren't for ichigo" part of that sentence, but not in the way they're framing it. the soul society arc as a whole is an arc about distrust & distance, and a lot of it has to do with aizen's subtle manipulations. he turns momo against hitsugaya, turns soul society on a wild goose chase as they try to figure out which shinigami among them killed him.

but it isn't just aizen who's responsible for the distance between the characters. as we all know, byakuya's adoption of rukia created a massive gulf between rukia and renji. to renji, this adoption represented a better life for rukia—something they had always dreamed of when they were children. in fact, their vow to become shinigami has always had a grave weight to it, because both of them suffer from the survivor's guilt of being the only ones among the group who lived while the others died. their desire to become shinigami isn't just about living a better life but to honor their friends who died and carry on their memories. being a shinigami means a LOT to renji and rukia, because so much weight is tied to that decision, and so much was lost in their journey to soul society.

keeping that in mind, renji's feelings are totally reasonable. from his pov, rukia has thrown away every sacrifice they both have made (and the sacrifice he personally made in letting her go), in favor of willingly giving her powers to a teenage boy—a stranger. in fact, renji is first convinced that ichigo STOLE rukia's powers. however, even after learning that she willingly gave ichigo her powers, he still tries to direct any ire away from her and tries to put it all on ichigo. eventually, we learn that renji never thought she'd be executed in the first place and that he'd been counting on byakuya to use his influence and repeal central 46's decision. once he realizes byakuya isn't going to do that, he actively turns against byakuya (and by extension, all of soul society) and begs ichigo to save her, but only because he himself isn't strong enough*. EVEN AFTER THAT, renji heads to sokyoku and is willing to let aizen cut his arms because he refused to let rukia go again.

this refusal, saying he'll never let rukia go again, implies that he had always believed being in byakuya's care would make her immune to any kind of trouble and that, as a brother and her family, byakuya would protect her. he was obviously aware that as a noble, rukia would enjoy the highest power there would be in all of soul society. but once he realized she was going to be executed anyway, he switched sides, so i don't think he was, at any point, intending to "let rukia be executed."

*that being said, had ichigo not been around, would renji even be able to save rukia? considering what i mentioned earlier, probably not! he wasn't strong enough! so yes, there's a chance renji would have "let" rukia be executed, but only after he died trying to save her. then again, by that logic, rukia would have never been in this situation in the first place had it not been for ichigo, so we could also argue that it's ichigo's fault that rukia is about to die, but thankfully we understand how plots work and we understand that ichigo is the protagonist, so we also understand that 90% of the plot would not have worked without ichigo and we won't be making that dumb argument!

so technically yes, ichigo is the catalyst for literally everything that happens, so of course, he's the one that saves rukia—and renji is both aware of this and extremely grateful for it, which is why he is loyal to ichigo the way he is. this is just....character writing. renji is a typical bait-and-switch character who we are initially meant to dislike because he's antagonizing our favorite characters and once we receive context, we realize he's been one of the good guys all along. it's not some big slight to renji to imply that he needed ichigo, because renji doesn't see that as a bad thing, and neither does anyone else because renji and ichigo have the same intentions.

remember how i mentioned earlier that aizen creates distrust? well if aizen drives people apart, ichigo brings them closer together. his outrage is what gets characters like byakuya to question his own rule-worshipping, and his values are what leads to soul society realizing how they're completely focused on the wrong things. his only intention was to save rukia, but he's such a good person that the people around him can't help but be influenced by his values. and because of that, renji and rukia got closer too.

all of this is not even necessarily up for interpretation, since this is all stated quite explicitly in the manga, but um. this is not the first time or first fandom to flanderize a character or ignore plot-important details for shipping reasons, so it doesn't surprise me or interest me! sorry for the long answer, hope this cleared things up!

#hope no one wants panel-by-panel examples bc im on mobile and there's no way i was going to be doing that😅 #BUT. the bleach wiki often has good summaries of different character/story arcs if you dont really have the energy to re-read the manga #asks

[50calmadeuce]

Ch. 9: Jake and The Hard Deck

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Top Gun: Maverick world, trademarked by Paramount Pictures Corporation. I do not claim ownership of the characters and the world that I am borrowing.

The story and situation I am creating are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to official story canon. This work is for entertainment only and is not a part of the storyline.

I also do not own the rights or copyrights of 'Mandolin Rain' by Bruce Hornsby and the Range or 'Second Chance' by 38 Special. I just happen to really like these songs.

I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story, but I do hope it gives you happy thoughts.

These stories are my own, so please do not take them and use them for yourself without my permission. If you see them somewhere else, please let me know. :)

Jake sat on the couch in his apartment, gazing out of the window.

"Bro, you've got to get out. You're starting to drive me crazy," his best friend Javy 'Coyote' Machado urged. "I've never seen you come home this upset before."

Jake turned to look at him. "Have I ever mentioned Y/N to you?"

Coyote pondered for a moment. "I think I recall. High school sweetheart, right? The reason you've been steering clear of relationships since."

"Yeah, she's the one," Jake admitted, taking a moment to gather himself. "And that's also why I've been feeling this need to prove myself, to show her I'm the best for her."

Coyote perched on the armrest of the couch. "I had no idea it ran that deep."

Jake met his gaze. "I saw her."

"Wait, seriously? She was home?"

"Her mom passed away. I had no clue until her brother asked me to help bring in cattle one of the days."

"Damn. I'm really sorry to hear that."

"We shared a kiss."

Coyote's eyes widened. "That's something, man!"

"Before I found out she's engaged."

"Ouch!"

Jake's gaze fell downward. "Yeah."

Coyote sprang up, playfully smacking Jake's arm. "Come on, let's get out of here. Shoot some pool, throw some darts. Anything to take your mind off it.:

Jake met his eyes. "True and I need to clear my head."

"Good. Now go and get dressed."

You entered The Hard Deck around 8 p.m. The place was alive with pilots and women, a mix of those in Navy uniforms and others in civilian attire.

You had phoned ahead, speaking with the owner to inquire about the presence of a jukebox and specifically if they had the song 'Mandolin Rain'. The woman on the other end was pleasant and regretfully informed you they didn't have your song, but assured you she could arrange it. You took the opportunity to share a bit about yourself and the plan to surprise Jake. It didn't surprise you that she was acquainted with him, though she was taken aback to learn about his past relationship. You mentioned that you would introduce yourself when you arrived.

As you scanned the room, your gaze settled on Jake at the pool table, dressed in a khaki uniform like the others around him. He was poised to take a shot, and you found yourself unable to look away. In that moment, Leslie's words rang painfully true. You felt like a fool. For years, you had only seen Jake as, well, Jake. The boy next door, a familiar face your family had known for years, who had professed his love for you, but it had never truly registered. You really didn't understand how deep Jake really loved you.

You approached the bar, where a striking brunette locked eyes with you.

"What can I get you?" she politely inquired.

"I called earlier. I'm Y/N," you explained.

Surprised, she gave you a quick once-over before nodding towards the pool table. "Jake's over there."

"I know. I just wanted to assure you that I'm real and I have no intention of hurting him."

She nodded. "I sensed that. You don't sound like the others." She extended her hand. "I'm Penny. Penny Benjamin."

You smiled and shook her hand. "Thank you, and it's nice to meet you, Penny."

"You want something to drink?"

"I'll take a beer."

"Coming right up." She swiftly wiped the bar.

You continued to watch Jake as he played pool, but something just seemed off. He didn't seem like the cheerful Jake you knew. Just then, a blonde in jean shorts and a white tank top walked up to him and whispered something in his ear, but Jake shook his head and the girl walked away sadly.

Penny came back with the beer. "Here you go."

"How much do I owe you?"

"It's on the house. Any friend of Hangman's is a friend of mine. H22 is your song."

You grabbed the beer. "Thanks." You then made your way to the juke box, grabbed some quarters out of your pocket, put them in when 'Second Chance' by 38 Special caught your eye. You pushed that button and then selected H22. You then stepped over to the table a couple of feet away. Close enough to watch him, but also far enough away to hide.

The current song finished playing and 'Second Chance' by 38 Special started to play.

#jake hangman seresin #jake seresin fanfiction #jake seresin x you #glen powell #hangman top gun #top gun maverick hangman #hangman #hangman fanfic #top gun fanfic #top gun maverick #Youtube

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

TEACHER RANT

75% of our kids failed the last test we had.

So we have to contact the parents of every kid that failed, tell them the test score and tell them that we are sending the test home for them to retake and that they won't get credit for it unless the parents sign it.

And that's only half of it because for every single kid we do that for we have to fill out a data sheet on it which takes about a minute and a half each.

I teach 108 kids a day!

From 4:20 to 6:00 I'd done about 10 kids so far!!

I gave up and went home knowing I still have so much to do. We had about 15 kids out sick with either strep, flu, or covid today. For every kid that is out I have to cut out their notes and glue them into their notebooks for them --already filled out so they will have them.

I worked through lunch and finally managed to get the first three classes worth of kids done.

I've got kids that literally only show up once every 3 weeks. And yet we are expected to keep them completely updated on every single thing and have their work ready for them and get them ready to take test when they're never here long enough to absorb anything.

And those 75% of the kids that failed they had all of the answers in their notes. They were allowed to use their notes. We gave them the answers over and over probably three or four times each during note-taking. So either they were too busy talking to each other to take the notes to begin with. Or if they are some kind of special needs where we have to take the notes for them and glue them into their book they were too lazy to open up the book and look for the answer. Literally the answer to 98% of the questions were straightforward from the notes literally written word for word and yet most of the scores were in 30% range.

I have one class that only has nine kids in it. Nine kids that's all. But they are all so low level except for one girl. The one girl that is high level is just crazy. All she wants to do is run around pick on people get physical with people grab them pull their hair throw their things around. She's probably one of the few people that could actually do and understand the work but she just acts out all the time. One girl is one of the kids that only shows up once every 3 months and even then she has so many special needs she's pretty much not going to be able to do much of anything in class. And the others while they're medium to low level they are perfectly capable of taking notes and going back and finding the answers.

Aside from one kid who made a 68 the rest of them made in the 30s because they were too lazy to go back to their nose and look anything up and who gets in trouble for that? ME.

I am basically told I'm a shitty teacher, I have no classroom management skills, and I don't know what I'm doing if I cannot make six kids past their test.

Speaking of futility I don't know what it is about this year's set of kids that they have no memory for the smallest things.

When we got our library schedule I told every class Thursday is our library day. The next morning the first thing I heard;

"Are we going to the library today?"

"No, today is Tuesday we go on Thursday."

Next child in line coming in to class:

"Are we going to the library today?"

"No , today is Tuesday we go on Thursday."

Repeat from every single kid to walk into my classroom every single class all day. 108 kids!!!!And then the next day:

"MISS!!! Are we going to the library today?"

"No, today is Wednesday. We go on Thursday."

EVERY OTHER KID, EVERY CLASS, ALL DAY LONG FOR THE FIRST 4 MONTGS OF SCHOOL!!!

If something doesn't change I do not understand how these kids are going to be able to hold jobs or do or learn anything.

I just don't understand it. 85% of them are like this and it is really only the gifted and talented ones which are dwindling every single year that have even the most basic memory and recall ability much less critical thinking.

#teaching #4th grade #library day #failed test #no accountability #lazy kis? blame the teacher #futility

[voidify333]

20 Questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @almarnatiaam- thanks!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

36

2. What's your total A03 word count?

133,211

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Ace Attorney these days.

I've also written for Les Mis and Good Omens; Les Mis makes up most of my works at 20 (though 4 of those aren't really fics, they're fanart pieces I posted to ao3 for sewerexchange).

And there's a couple random fics that aren't any of these: The Temptation Of Immediate Relief is a Pride & Prejudice missing scene fic that I wrote for high school english class and posted a polished version after graduation, and All Alone is a short War & Peace fic expanding the character of Anatole's wife who's entirely just a plot device with no character in canon (elephant in the room: the name I chose for her was retroactively made weird by my later fandom journeys by being cognate to the name of a completely different character, but like, whatever). I still think both of these are pretty good

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Wilson & Sons (Good Omens outsider POV fic about Aziraphale's barber, a family business that he's been going to since the 1700s), at 1861 kudos

You're Better Off Without Him (Good Omens outsider POV about the guy in episode 4 who says that line), at 763 kudos

perfectly statue-still (Ace Attorney 3+1 fic about elevators being a trigger for Miles, angst with a happy ending), at 433 kudos

driving back in style (in my saloon will do quite nicely) (Good Omens fic, silly cute little A/C getting together scenario), at 303 kudos

naughty list (Ace Attorney fic; angst with a happy ending; the premise is that Gregory didn't get to tell Miles that Santa wasn't real so when the von karma household didn't do santa Miles thought he was on the naughty list for a solid 4 years. If you haven't read it, ho ho ho 'tis the season to read it now), at 241 kudos

Yeah, my good omens stuff is never being unseated from the top of my leaderboard unless I end up getting into an even bigger fandom at some point in the future

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, because comments absolutely give me life and I need a constant stream of them, but unfortunately I don't get around to it often enough

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Absolute angstiest out of my published works is probably my very first ao3 fic, not quite nowhere to turn. Valjean sees Javert die and is too late to do anything. The fic is very flawed in that I was 15 and had not learned how to do subtlety, I can't look at it now, but I was a hyperlexic kid with A's in English so I think it's still better than what most people were writing as teens

Second answer is merry christmas., my most recent fic (if you haven't read it yet, HO HO HO TIS THE SEASON), it's Miles' POV for the first bit of Turnabout Goodbyes, it ends on a note of hopelessness that he's doomed to be convicted, but it only debatably counts since anyone who's played the games knows that the turnabout is coming

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my stuff has pretty happy endings, that's just my sensiility as a writer-- even "not quite nowhere to turn" has an afterlife reunion scene-- so I'm not sure what to say here.

There's some fics where the conflict was trivial in the first place (comedy and crack stuff), there's some fics where I feel in hindsight that the ending was a copout and that a rockier path to happiness would have been more interesting if I had mustered the strength to write it (When Tomorrow Comes is the primary example tbh), and there's some where it feels earned (the fics in this category include the ones I like the most)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've thankfully never gotten hate on AO3 that I can recall

9. Do you write smut?

Yes I do, but none of it is up on my ao3 account at this time. I have a ton in my google docs though...

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've written a couple. Both of them, funnily enough, of the format "javert meets one of my other blorbos and they recognise what they have in common"

In "and if you fall" (honestly the point of the title would have landed better if I did the full lyric "and if you fall (as lucifer fell)" but at the time that felt too corny), Crowley happens to be in the right place at the right time to talk Javert down from jumping (context: within GO book canon Crowley was asleep for the 19th century except for getting up in 1832 for a loo break)

In "The Choice Of Death" Miles Edgeworth meets Javert's ghost (AA ghost lore notwithstanding) one liminal night during his year away

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

On a tangent though, bc there's no question directly relevant to share this info, I HAVE gotten fanart for a fic before: this amazing fanart by @maym0rin for chapter 2 of "perfectly statue-still" (she gave me permission to crosspost it on tumblr bc she didn't have tumblr at the time but she later got tumblr when the twitter ship started sinking). There is nothing more flattering as an author than getting fanart, I hope this first time isn't the last time

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, I helped with @almarnatiaam's fic A King's Heart and got a co-writer credit.

And outside of cowriting on the level of be listed as cowriter on ao3, my friend who doesn't have tumblr (it's tsl for all the mtnr server friends reading this) and I have been collaborating and bouncing ideas on each other's fics for... wow, it's been over a year now!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Honestly it would have to be Valvert because it got to me at a formative time and has shaped the kinds of ships I like for life

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

What do you mean "the" wip????

I have two dead fics and counting (one for les mis, one for good omens), and that's just the ones where I posted the initial content before realising it's too intimidating to finish. There's so many more in my docs; my friends know about some of them

16. What are your writing strengths?

Here are some that I have no problem bragging about, I reread my own fics often and smile at the moments where I did a banger line

Character voice (especially when the characters are my blorbos)

Using fancy vocabulary with precision in the prose to achieve effect (a skill born from trying to copy the vibes of victor hugo)

Witty prose humour (a skill born from trying to copy the vibes of pratchett & gaiman)

Prose from the POV of someone in a fucked up state- someone in a dark place emotionally, or someone whose motivations are fundamentally misguided or outright malicious. This is THE most fun shit to write for me

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Committing to long term character pain and tragic character conflict when it's not pulled/extrapolated directly from canon. I have many times read a fic where the author puts blorbo through the ringer and thought "damn if only I wasn't such a fucking coward and could write stuff like this". I've become less of a coward over the years and now enjoy

Writing anything long without a detailed plan for the entire thing

The need to use words with precision and write perfectly in character is as much a weakness as a strength. I am not a "write a whole first draft then edit" person I am a "dot points for the bits I don't have perfect words for" person and this sometimes causes issues where I assume I'll figure out how to get from A to B later but then it turns out to not make sense to get from A to B

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have 4 years of Duolingo French and have used this occasionally for my Les Mis works. The way I think of my Les Mis works is that the characters are all speaking French behind the fourth wall but the fourth wall translates for us, so I avoid puns that only work in English except on a couple super cracky occasions.

For Inspector Javert Chooses Death (a fic with the premise "AU where instead of dying Javert fakes his death like Edgeworth and goes to england and unrepresses his homosexuality") I was originally planning to write the whole letter near the end of the fic in french and put the translation in footnote but my beta reader got confused so I scrapped that and had the prose paraphrase most of the letter and only included one French sentence

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First fandom I published fic on ao3 for was Les Mis. First fandom I published fic anywhere online for was Animorphs (when I was 12 I published a weird dark comedy fic to FFN which was a 5+1 or similar format of Visser Three executing people for slighting him by morphing into huge creatures and eating them. Then people on animorphsforum.com told me the fic was bad so I lost all confidence and didn't write fic again for years)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Right now it's between my two most recent AA solo fics: merry christmas. (already explained; 1-4 fic) and the perfect weapon (Manfred POV throughout his revenge plot, SUPER fun to write all that villain pov, grew from the premise "he had to have known about the nightmare to plan all that")

My best Les Mis fic is but i have seen the same (i know the shame in your defeat); it explores my favourite parallel with a cool alternating scene format and I actually still like the writing and characterisation even all these years later which is a rare honour for one of my high school Les Mis fics

Tagging: @squadron-of-damned @kaleran @samioli @ashkazora @azalawa-scroggs

#ace attorney #les mis #valvert #narumitsu #good omens #fanfic

[n0brainjustvibes]

Tagged by @vikugnavikugna!

coke or pepsi? beverage BITE miette?? beverage STING her tongue like the insect??? jail!!! jail for beverage for One Thousand Years!!!

disney or dreamworks? dreamworks did HTTYD, right? them.

coffee or tea? tea

books or movies? books hehe

windows or mac? never used mac so windows it is

dc or marvel? ok, exposing myself here, worm was like my 2nd superhero media ever. i haven't read either 🙈 i have seen a few marvel movies but i'm not sure whether that should count for or against them

x-box or playstation? mine crafdt on my laptop

dragon age or mass effect? mass effect bc incuriouscat on youtube makes sick ass fan PMVs

night owl or early riser? night owl

cards or chess? chess, you can narrate stories about the pieces and thoroughly annoy your opponent (sibling) even as you lose >:3

chocolate or vanilla? chocolate all the way!!

vans or converse? wgat

Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar? I can't tell if these are fantasy names or antidepressants

fluff or angst? uhhhhdfcgvhbjnk gonna have to say fluff

beach or forest? beach

dogs or cats? cats 100%! (or secret third option: fish...)

clear skies or rain? clear. god. please... 🙏🙏

cooking or eating out? cooking :P

spicy food or mild food? Mild by any sane standards, but spicy according to my family and/or BBC Food haha

halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas? chris mas :))

would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? uuuhhhh .. hh. hard one here. gonna have to also go cold

if you could have a superpower, what would it be? SUPERSPEED!! Or time powers. My irl friend has convinced me of their usefulness.

animation or live action? animation

paragon or renegade? renegade, it's the name of my serial killer dark forest!hollyleaf fanfic (only half kidding...)

baths or showers? shower

team cap or team ironman? hm. remember when I said I watched a few marvel movies? yeah none of them were this one :(

fantasy or sci-fi? fantasy baybey!!! but I adore both

do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they? oh god okay. hm... "Where did we learn it, this talent for insatiability?" from The Handmaid's Tale still Lives In My Head from high school english. If song lyrics count, then, "You don't know me / don't you question my love" from Berlin, Without Return. "Sometimes a hypocrite is just a man in the process of changing" (I don't recall the exact wording) from... Oathbringer? is my fav cliche cosmere pick. Oh! And I forget the episode or even who said it, but at some point during the s3 All Might/AFO fight in MHA, one of the side characters stuck on guard duty said "You're confusing difficulty with importance", and that changed my life.

youtube or netflix? youtube :) it has fun little AMVs

[REDACTED] [Clearance Level 9]

when do you feel accomplished? when I bake something! making concrete stuff is really fulfilling, especially if I'm baking for other people.

star wars or star trek? spaceballs (jk, star wars, but I haven't seen star trek so sw wins by default)

paperback books or hardcover books? paperback

to live in a world without literature or without music? [sad character song assigner noises]... without music.

who was the last person to make you laugh? that would be @ty-bayonet-betteridge with several lines in their riley fic hehe

city or countryside? city! much as I complain about missing nature :') ideally a city that's near the sea

favorite chips? anything plain sea salt and properly crunchy 🤌

pants or dresses? pants, though dresses are fun for fancy occasions!

libraries or museums? is it a natural history museum? pleamse?? if so museum! otherwise library all the way.

character driven stories or plot driven stories? I don't really have a preference ngl

bookmarks or folding pages? i was one of those heretical kids who just plonked their books face down open 🙈😭 and now I mostly read online so... idk? Probably bookmarks.

Dream job? honestly would love to be on the management council for a small nature conservancy. second choice would be ecological research, but data-based, not fieldwork (animals scare me >.<)

What gives you comfort? thinking about The Characters...

what are some of your favorite song lyrics? literally ANY pun or double meaning lyric by idkhow!! gonna go with "lose yourself inside the city / lose your mind inside a week".

favorite ice cream flavor ever? chocolate my beloved...

first fandom? warrior cats......

deep ocean or deep space? (personally, i gotta pick ocean, because theres fish in there 👍😊)

Your desert island band?

@thesternest @seroquelfan @chaoticrushu, but no pressure to answer, and anyone is welcome to join! add your own question at the end if you answer :]

#tag game

[amyintherapy]

Embodying Feelings & Disassociation

Trigger warning: There will be brief mention of self harm and sexual abuse in this post.

I started therapy for the first time at the end of 8th grade. I was 13. I got pretty lucky and was a good match with my first therapist. Still, it took me a while to start to really open up to him about the hard stuff. I want to say that it was probably at least six months before I told him about my sexual abuse. I don't know when I told him about my experiences with disassociation, but I remember it being extremely hard to tell him, similar to the SA info. At the time, I had heard of PTSD, but I knew of it as something soldiers get from witnessing war. I knew it could make veterans react to fireworks as if they were bombs, but that was about all I knew about it, from what I recall. I had no idea what else could 'cause' it - if anything, or what the symptoms really were. I had never heard of disassociation.

So, when I'd get really triggered and felt like I was watching myself from up in the clouds...I thought this was something similar to a delusion or hallucination. I worried it might be something like schizophrenia that I was experiencing. As a result, it was a super scary thing to share. But I did, and he explained what disassociation was. When I was later referred out for diagnosis and meds, I was diagnosed with PTSD with features of depersonalization and derealization. I think I was 14 then.

So, I've been familiar with disassociation for a long time now. I don't know exactly when, but somewhere along the way I learned that it wasn't just when I felt like I was watching myself (which has always been a fairly rare occurrence for me), but also when I felt numb and disconnected from myself, which I experience more often. I started self-harming really young, and cutting in middle school and throughout most of high school. I don't remember when I realized that cutting was something that could take me out of disassociation. I think it was before I really knew what disassociation was, I just knew it helped me to sort of come out of the "frozen depression" type feeling. After a few years of therapy as a teen I was able to stop cutting. My mental health was in a better place, I had gained some coping skills, I hated myself less, etc. But I'd still disassociate at times, and I didn't know how to get rid of it other than to wait it out. So that's what I've done for years now when I've experienced it. And that's been okay, but I'd rather be able to "snap out of it" if I could. So, a recent experience that I had feels like a big deal.

For 2 or 3 weeks I was stuck in disassociation. My mind kept circling back to stuff related to identifying as being emotionally neglected. So I knew that was the cause somehow. Yet, I wasn't really feeling much. I was kind of numb emotionally and physically, while my mind felt extra hyperactive. I was making a lot of realizations in my head, but they didn't feel true, at the same time. I think most people have experiences like this. Examples might be...logically I know if I make a mistake, that is just me being human and is not a good reason for anyone to hate me. Yet when I make a mistake that impacts someone I care about, I still can't help but FEEL like they might hate me now, even though logically I know that isn't likely. Or, logically I know that the odds that a sound I just heard outside at midnight were likely a racoon or something...but I can't help but feel worried that it's a "bad guy". I have plenty of discrepancies between my logical and emotional brains that I've just kinda learned to live with for the most part. But over this few week period, I was changing my perspective of my childhood logically, but not emotionally, and that disconnect was new for me in this specific area. I felt sort of stuck, unable to continue processing these pieces of my childhood because my brain and my emotions/feelings were so far apart. Both of my therapists do some somatic work, but our couples counselor (who we basically see for 'regular' therapy that we just do together vs stereotypical couples counseling) does a lot more with us that is somatic. Nearly every session we have with our couples therapist he'll try to help us embody our feelings about something. I find it awkward, emotionally draining and sometimes embarassing - but it also feels quite powerful. He's also really into AEDP therapy, which is a type of therapy that talks about disassociation/numbing, etc as a defense from feeling a core feeling. For those reasons, I thought that speaking with our couples therapist about this might be a better fit than my 'main' therapist who I see weekly and therefore just have a deeper relationship with. During the appointment I explained my dissociation, sense of being kinda stuck or frozen, and how I knew it was related to processing being emotionally neglected, but how when I talk about it I wasn't feeling any feelings. It was all 'in my head' and not 'in my heart'. There was this big disconnect. He agreed with my assessment that I had unresolved/unfelt feelings. I don't remember exactly how we got there, but he asked me some questions that led to me sharing a specific phrase that I remember being said to me as a kid. "What the hell were you thinking?" It was phrased as a question rather than a statement, but I wasn't expected to actually answer the question. At times, I thought I had good reason for doing whatever I did, and I would have liked to explain, as it felt like they were assuming the worst possible intentions, which weren't my actual attentions at all. But I felt like I couldn't respond as it would just upset them more. Even though it was a question, responding would be taken as 'talking back'. He took the implied answer, and asked me what my first thought would be today if someone told me "you're stupid."

Honestly? My knee-jerk response is "....yeah."

Having to admit that out loud brought the emotions. Tightness in my chest, burning behind both ears, anxiety, a little anger, and some sadness. A few tears. The therapist told me to try to relax my body and let it out. I tried, but only managed a couple more tears. He had me turn to my partner and try to express to him what it felt like as a kid to have things like that said to me. This brought emotion up again. It's so hard to even look at him when I'm on the edge of spilling over with my emotions. He is such a safe person to me, that just seeing him tears down all my defenses. Although the whole point of this appointment was to try to drag out emotion...the parts of me that try to avoid it are so strong. I struggled to look at him, and it took me a while to find words to try to explain. But I did...and I collapsed into his chest and really cried. It didn't feel good, of course. But I felt so much lighter after this, and I had this sense of unthawing and waking up. I had never experienced disassociation being removed that quickly in any way besides self harm before. It was really cool.

Longterm, I want to learn how to push myself through 'exercises' like this so that I can try to do this on my own. But it was really cool to see that even if I currently need assistance from a therapist to get myself to 'go there' right now, that I seem to have found a tool to move through disassociation now. I am back to feeling like myself which is awesome, but I also have made big jumps in how I'm perceiving my childhood now. The idea that I was neglected doesn't just seem like something I logically believe, I FEEL like it's true now. And I've jumped a step farther ahead, realizing I was actually emotionally abused as well - and that feels true, too. As I said in a previous post, I kinda knew that I tend to make big growth after coming out of disassociation, so I was hopeful I'd be seeing growth soon...but it's really cool that I have.

#my posts #trauma #aedp #aedp therapy #somatic therapy #somatic experiencing #ptsd #cptsd #developmental trauma #childhood emotional neglect #childhood emotional abuse #anxiety #depression #disassociation #self harm cw #cutting cw

[levi-4uckerman]

Trial and Error (read full version on AO3!)

Eren Jaegar x Reader NSFW.

Setting: Modern/college AU w/ post-time skip Eren. Reader is a virgin, having just disclosed this secret to her best friend, Eren, after a heated exchange following weeks of sexual tension. NSFW.

Tags/TW (for preview): virginity trope (ik some of y'all don't care for it), childhood friends to lovers, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex, oral sex, explicit depictions of sex, teasing, Eren Jaegar's big fat dick (gotta be canon), awkwardness (r/t reader's first time)

Crosspost from AO3, where you can read Chapter One as well!

To be honest, he thought you were joking. A smirk played at the corner of his lips, furrowed brows turned upward as he cocked his head and said, “You’re kidding.”

You frowned. “Why would I joke about that?”

“Well, what about Armin?”

“What about Armin?” You laughed, sitting back on Eren’s knees.

You noticed a slight hue of red on his cheeks. “Well, you dated, right? He told me–,”

“Oh, I’m gonna kill that blonde creep,” you grumbled. “We didn’t do anything. We kissed, like twice maybe but it was awkward as hell.”

“Is this awkward?”

It wasn’t. You recalled that shaky, nervous kiss that you’d shared with Armin when you were 15, and this was nothing like that. You didn’t know if it was because of your feelings for Eren or if maybe you had just gotten more mature, but for some reason, this wasn’t like that at all. Biting your lip, you shook your head.

Eren groaned. “Don’t bite your lip like that, fuck. I’m trying to back off.”

“Who said you had to back off?”

“Y/N… you’ve never had sex, at all? Ever?” He asked, a frown tilting his lips.

You shook your head again. “I was… preoccupied in high school, alright? When you and Armin were busy running around trying to get your dicks wet.”

Preoccupied with chasing after you, Eren Jaeger.

“Successfully getting our dicks wet,” He added, with a slight wiggle of his hips underneath you. You rolled your eyes before sliding from his lap onto the couch beside him, still close enough to kiss him if you really wanted to.

“No,” you admitted, looking away as a warmth crept upon your features. “I’ve never… I guess I was just waiting for someone special. And then I turned 20 and that ‘someone’ still hadn’t come along.”

You watched Eren sit back, staring at you in quiet contemplation. Your lips still tingled with the ghost of his touch, your core uncharacteristically warm from the heated exchange. You breathed, leaning in to plant a gentle kiss on his cheek before standing up. He watched as you knelt down and started picking up the flashcards that he’d spilt on the floor in his eagerness to have you on his face.

“I’m sorry, Eren,” you said as you gathered them up into a neat stack. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship over this. I didn’t want to ruin it over the picture of my boobs. I just… I guess I can’t get over this hope that someday things will be different. Someday, you’ll change your bachelor status,” you said with a halfhearted laugh. The softness of your voice struck Eren so harshly that he flinched.

“I’ve done a lot of things,” he said with a sigh, picking up the index cards that were still on the couch and handing them to you. “I’ve never taken someone’s virginity, though.”

You looked at him, surprised. “Really? Surely, you just never thought to ask.”

He shrugged, slightly disappointed that you thought he could be so callous. “No. I mean, I never straight-up ask about it, but I..,” He trailed off, not wanting to shoot himself in the foot with his words. “It always felt like a sacred thing to me. I mean it’s hot, sure, but it’s a line that I don’t want to cross with someone unless I know they’re not gonna regret it.”

“Regret having sex with you?”

He snorted. “Regret wasting their first time on me.”

You tilted your head at the gloom in his voice and set the now-neatly-stacked pile of index cards down on the end table, next to the long since abandoned textbook– still stuck on the chapter about associative learning. You sat back down on the couch. “Why would that be a waste? I don’t know if you’ve looked in a mirror lately, Eren, but the puberty and track team in high school were very kind to you.”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s not about what they look like, alright? It’s about who they are.”

“For a self-proclaimed footloose manwhore, you sure do sound pretty sappy about sex right now.”

He locked his eyes with yours, a flash of emotion you didn’t have enough time to decipher crossing them. “I don’t even remember the name of the chick I lost my virginity to. I was at some stupid high school party, drunk and drinking underage, and stumbled into the bedroom with some girl from another school. She probably doesn’t even remember that it happened. Sometimes I wish I didn't.”

You wanted to comfort him, but you weren’t sure how. You meekly nodded your head and accepted his answer with a small sigh. You picked up your notes and handed them to him. “Here,” you said while holding them out to him, “you can take these home to study for the test tomorrow. I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay the night here just because I asked.”

Eren gazed up at you with a frown. Your eyes averted as he grasped the papers and took them from you. He stood up and grabbed his jacket. You felt a lump forming in your throat as if you had lost something, but you knew that truthfully, he was never yours in the first place.

Right at the time you knew you should be hearing the front door slam shut behind him, you see his sneakers wander into your periphery. You spare him a look, frowning when you notice his jacket still on the table. “Didn’t you mean to grab that?”

“Shut up,” he grumbled, taking your face in his hands and pulling your lips back onto his, sending chills tumbling down your spine. Though surprised, you were grateful, and followed his lead with little hesitation. Your fingers curled in his hair that was now falling out of place, and your tongue tangled with his, soft whimpers falling from both of you.

He broke the kiss suddenly, flashing you the thing he had been fumbling with his jacket for. Your breath hitched in your throat at the sight of the square, baby blue foil package. You blushed as you realized you had never seen a condom in the flesh before.

Eren looked at you with reverence in his jade orbs, an arm now hooked around your waist. “If I’m doing this, I’m going to make sure it’s done right.”

All you could do was stutter out a nervous, shaky, “Oh… well, alright then.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t like the depictions you were so used to in the movies, or in your head, for that matter. You weren’t a mess of lips, hands, and teeth stumbling up the stairs to your bedroom. You weren’t shivering in anticipation. You simply took Eren’s hand in yours and traipsed upwards, the only indication that he was behind you being the weight difference when your pace was slightly quicker than his as you ascended. You held his hand tightly, idly picturing the way you used to do so when you were kids, running and playing together like the carefree children that you were. Your cheeks reddened at the memory, biting back a chuckle so as not to disturb the atmosphere of such a tender moment.

When you reached the door, there was no heated kiss against it. There was no pushing or shoving, and though you may have been a little disappointed in the stark contrast between what was actually happening and what you had expected to happen, you were basking in the warmth of Eren’s touch as he cupped your cheek and placed a gentle kiss on the corner of your mouth as he reached for the doorknob on your behalf.

Your dorm room was similar enough to your childhood bedroom that Eren recalled being in only a handful of times. You had the same comforter and sheet set that you used in 10th grade. You had the same anime scrolls on your walls. You had the same salt lamp on the tiny desk, crammed tightly into the corner of the room. He watched as you walked over to it, turning it on. His eyes fell to the Christmas lights that scaled the walls, following the dark green cord to its power strip that lay on the floor at his feet. How inviting. He stepped on the switch and flipped off the overhead light, watching as the room traded its harsh fluorescence for a warm, inviting glow. You turned to him, looking so beautiful, he felt his heart jump in his chest. He had never felt nervous before sex before. It wasn’t the spontaneity, either; he’d ended a number of dates having impromptu quickies in the backseat of his sedan.

So why did he feel his ears getting hot at the sight of you shyly peeling off your sweater to reveal the skin tight tank top underneath?

You were no better; you watched him stand there, the dull glow of the lights masking any emotion on his face as you kicked off your shoes. He was looking at you, but you couldn’t make out if his gaze was expectant or patient; was he waiting on you to do something? Was he simply digesting the moment? You had no idea. “So, uh… where do you want me?”

Eren shook himself from his trance, doing his best to blink away the sudden nerves that enveloped him. He tucked his flyaways behind his ears, removing his shoes as well before closing the distance between the two of you. He placed his hands gingerly on your waist and kissed you softly. While you were occupied with the motion he laid before you, he set the condom down on the nightstand. No rush, baby, he thought inwardly. All the time in the world.

You closed your eyes, trying your best to swallow the tension and let yourself get lost in the kiss. His hands were large and warm against your waist, and when his pinky lifted the hem of your tank top and brushed your skin, you couldn’t help but gasp as you felt the goosebumps rise to the surface of your skin. He broke the kiss to give you one thoughtful stare before saying, “I’m going to take this slow. You have every opportunity to tell me to stop if you need to catch your breath.”

He watched you nod, your eagerness and anxiety both plain across your flushed face. He guided you by your hips onto the bed, freshly made and smelling of your perfume. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was on purpose. He let you get comfy, lying back supine, supporting yourself on your elbows. He saw your eyes glitter with wonder and excitement as he took this opportunity to remove his shirt, the soft lighting of the room gleaming across the planes of his well-defined chest and abdomen. The corners of his mouth twitched upward into a smirk when he saw the way you bit your lip, your eyes devouring the sight of him standing there, shirtless in your bedroom. He climbed over your figure, appreciating the way your eyes followed his every move. He’d never been this intimate with a woman before; he’s had sex, lots of it, but nothing like this. And never with anyone like you.

You were nervous, too. He was close enough to you that you could feel the warmth radiating from his bare chest, his arms caging you in on either side. Staring into his deep green eyes, though, you felt safe. This was Eren. Within your heart, you knew that if anyone could take care of you, it would be him. You allowed him to pull your legs upwards and around him, both of you still clothed from the waist down. He leaned in for another kiss, passionate as ever, except this time, he craved some friction between your legs. You complied, sighing at the feeling of his hardness pressing into your core. Even through your layers, you were sensitive. You brought your hands up to tangle within his hair as he kissed you, deeply and sensually, increasing in hunger as his hips grinded into yours fervently. Despite the heat of the motion, you knew this was patience for him. You knew, inherently, that this was Eren taking his time with you. Every nip to your bottom lip was experimental in its pace, but not its practice; he knew what he was doing, but had never gotten an opportunity to take his time with it.

And your intuition was correct. Eren had never gotten an opportunity to explore the ardency of sex. It was about carnal desire, the pleasure of coming and going- literally. With you, he had a chance to explore the beauty of your curves, appreciate every single whine and whimper that escaped your mouth. When he moved his kisses from your lips to your jawline, and then down to your neck, he got a front row seat to the way your body shook beneath him. He kissed you slowly there, humming low in his throat as he inhaled the sweetness of your perfume. He felt your hands gain courage as you lowered your body to the mattress; he resisted shuddering as you ran your dainty fingers along the flanks of his back, coming to rest on his shoulder blades as his kisses deepened along your neck. He hungered for friction, doing his best to grind against your center as he sank his teeth into your neck lightly, but hard enough to coax a pretty little gasp from your gaping mouth. This girl is going to kill me.

You closed your eyes on instinct, biting your lip as he worked his magic. The way his lips attacked your neck made you moan on instinct, the crescents of your nails no doubt leaving little imprints on his back. You felt a groan vibrate against your jugular, noticing the impossible hardness pressing into your core. Panting, you called for him. “Eren,” you breathed, feeling hot behind the ears when your hungry eyes met his. Before waiting for his response, you grabbed the hem of your tank top and pulled it over your head. Eren simply watched, transfixed by your movement and bravery. Your eyes fell to his sweats, the way his arousal strained against the fabric had you biting your lip again. “Is that comfortable?” You asked, your blush searing against your cheeks.

“No,” He said, truthfully. He fell into the space between you and the wall on your bed, opting instead to lean into a kiss from the side. You started to turn to face him, but he placed a firm-but-gentle hand against your chest, urging you to lie back down. “Let me know if I’m moving too fast.”

You gulped as his hand moved farther south. Your eyes didn’t leave his; he was gauging your reaction, and as he reached the waist of your leggings, he stopped and raised his eyebrows as if to ask for permission. You nodded.

You took a sharp breath in as he slipped his fingers into your underwear, seeking out the bundle of nerves at the top of your entrance. Your eyes widened at the foreign sensation, registering it as unfamiliar but not at all unpleasant. His index and middle finger traced tantalizing circles over your clit, eliciting breathy moans to slip from your lips alongside a string of expletives that Eren was sure he’d never heard you say before. Looking into those emerald eyes you’d known your whole life, you felt a different emotion bubbling beneath the surface; alongside the pleasure, you were losing yourself in a serenity that you had never expected to find within your friendship.

The way your lips were parted, wet with his spit and red from your teeth, softly murmuring his name… it was driving Eren mad. With his fingers still at work, he leaned in for another deep, gratifying kiss that intensified the building sensation at your core. You were moaning now, against his lips, begging instinctually; you didn’t know what for.

Eren’s pace was quickening despite his vow to take it slow. He couldn’t help it. He just loved the blush on your cheeks, he loved the way you tried your hardest to keep your eyes open- eventually, the ecstasy getting the better of you every time, causing you to throw your head back and lose yourself. You were so reactive to every single thing he did. Every time he slowed his pace or released his pressure, you’d grab his wrist and whimper so beautifully pathetic, he couldn’t help but oblige. He could do this for hours, he thought with an inward smirk.

“Have you ever fingered yourself?” He asked you in a hushed voice, the dirtiness of his words juxtaposing his gentle tone.

You couldn’t look at him, despite the intense eye contact the two of you had held for so long before this moment. You simply nodded, your cheeks pink and your eyes avoiding his.

He smirked, his fingers inching farther south. “Dirty girl.” He placed a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth before teasing you with his index finger. He groaned at the wetness. “Goddamn, baby, you are soaked .”

All you could do was whimper, your own fingers wrapped limply around his wrist as he continued to entice you. “Take them off,” you muttered, knowing you’d likely lose control of yourself soon.

“Hmm?” Eren hummed, testing the waters by planting his digit a single knuckle deep inside of you. You instinctively clenched around him, whining as you did so.

“Take them off. Take my pants off,” you repeated, your voice shaking.

“Oh, yes ma’am,” he said, withdrawing his hand to yank the fabric free from your legs along with your underwear, tossing them onto the floor without a care. He exhaled sharply at the sight of you, exposed and dripping for him. He grew impossibly harder at the thought of being the very first man to see you like this. Without conscious thought, his mouth started to water.

You saw the hungry look in his eyes as he stared down at your wet center and knew what he wanted. It was something you’d only ever seen in porn before now, and you had never understood the appeal. But now, caught in the carnivorous gaze of the man you had pined after for so long, you understood. He wanted to devour you, and you were eager to please. Your bottom lip was sore as a consequence of constantly sucking it into your mouth and biting down to savor the heat of the moment– but the pain be damned, you did it again, and it drove Eren fucking crazy. He had you beneath him once more, growling at the back of his throat as he took your lips into his own, the pad of his thumb working at your clit as if to prepare you for his next move. He broke the embrace, a spark in his eyes that deepened your trance. “Still okay, cupcake?”

The familiarity of your childhood nickname made the moment so much sweeter; you nodded vehemently, flashing your eyes from his face to where his strong arm disappeared between your glistening bodies.

Eren wasted no time withdrawing his figures from your slick opening, bringing them to his lips in a lewd manner that had your eyes widening in anticipation. He grinned at you as he licked them clean, humming sweetly as he did so. “Like maple fucking syrup,” he groused. He gave you another opportunity to back down, but you declined, instead tangling your hands in his smooth brown hair once more, encouraging him downward. He shuddered, impressed by your ambition, and kissed your sweaty skin softly the whole way down. He wanted so bad to tease you, to kiss the insides of your thighs until you pleaded for him to move closer; he wanted to tantalize you with light nips at your creases until your dainty fingers pushed him into you… but Eren was not a patient man. He had allowed an exception for you thus far, and would do so again and again if he had to, but he knew you were aching and so was he.

He plunged into your depths face first, taking your swollen clit into his mouth greedily. Your back arched at the explosion of white-hot lust that overtook your sex-drunk brain. The heat pooling between your legs was lapped up immediately by Eren, who was reading as completely content working his magic below your waist. You spared a peek down, your eyes watering at the eroticism of the image. Your best friend, as intimate as he could possibly be with you in that moment, giving you the best (albeit the first) head of your fucking life. You moaned as you felt the intrusion of his index finger begin again, clenching your muscles against him on instinct. His hands were much larger than yours, and his fingers much longer too; one of Eren’s digits had you feeling fuller than both of yours together. The thought excited you, so much so, that one particularly harsh flutter of your walls coaxed an aroused hiss from his lips. The sound reverberated against your sex, prompting you to close your thighs against him- just tight enough to squeeze a little. He moaned again, removing his fingers from you to push against your thighs, spreading you open for his covetous tongue.

Your head fell back in blissful yearning, completely at the mercy of Eren’s lecherous advances. He drooled over you, soaking you to the point that neither you nor he knew where his slaver ended and your wetness began. One hand snarled into his brunette strands and another one clutching the sheets, you weren’t sure how much longer you could last. Your hips bucked against the friction of his tongue, soaking up every ounce of molten pleasure that he gave you. You began murmuring his name. “Eren,” you’d breathe, and he’d acknowledge you with eye contact; you’d known him long enough to guarantee he was smirking with the half of his face that you couldn’t see. “How is it, baby?” He’d ask, checking up on you. Knowing good and damn well you could barely form a sentence. “Are you ready for another?”

“Eren, please,” you begged, the tension inside of you building to a breaking point, “I can’t take another.”

He tsked, giving you another taste before replying. “I hate to break it to you, baby, but I’m a lot bigger than two fingers.”

You cursed at that, tossing your head back with a pleased groan. It was when you felt his middle finger tease at your entrance, the way it slid in so easily thanks to Eren’s prior ministrations… you felt something snap inside of you. “Oh fuck,” you whispered, nearly choking on your words as anticipation gave way to unbearable heights and you came, hard on his digits. “What the fuck,” you hissed, falling backwards helplessly into a sea of desire.

But Eren was there to catch you, lazily pumping his fingers into you as you came down from your high. He used his spare hand to rub your inner thigh affectionately, the lower half of his face no longer hidden by your aching center. He watched your expression, full of fucked-out bliss, and painted a mental picture to keep forever. He liked to think of himself as a decent lover, but no one had ever made sounds or movements like you. Your body worked against his hands in perfect tandem, sinking onto every hook he threw at you. And fuck, you were so tight. Was it because he was your first? He knew that wasn’t supposed to make much of a difference…

His thoughts were interrupted by you sitting up, pulling your lower half away from him. He rolled over onto his side, supporting his head with the palm of his hand, elbow propped up on the mattress as he watched you with the smuggest look you’ve ever seen. You knew one look at him would have you blushing, so you instead chose to focus on the full moon just barely visible from your tiny dorm room window on the wall opposite the bed. “That was…”

“Incredible,” he finished for you, his choice of words cliche but effective still. You spared him a glance, finally, giggling at the mess you had made of his hair. He’d cleaned your arousal from his face, but your actions were still evident from the sight of his sloppy man-bun having become somehow even sloppier. He shrugged with his free shoulder, tugging his hair out of its restraints. You watched his velvet locks shake away to frame his face, somehow making him even more attractive. You cursed inwardly, sensing your libido hadn’t quite been drained from you.

You didn’t realize you were biting your lip again until he was in front of you. He’d broken from his relaxed posture to poise himself over you again– only this time, the expression on his face was soft instead of hungered. He reached a thumb, just as gentle, up to tug your bottom lip free from its confines. He kissed you, his bare chest rubbing against your breasts, his bare stomach gliding against yours in a manner so intimate that it felt almost wrong. He kissed you with a tender longing that you’d only deem appropriate for lovers. Only appropriate if it meant you could do it again… and again… and–

His hands, warm but surprising, unclasped your bra in a single motion. You had honestly forgotten it was still there– but somehow, when it was flung aside and you were exposed, you felt more vulnerable than you had since the start of this interaction. Here you were, bearing your complete self to your best friend, who was consuming it vehemently, his hands immediately exploring this new territory. Whispered expletives fell from his lips as he palmed your smooth, balmy skin. Your heart quickened again, your breaths becoming shallow in your expectancy of what was to come. Oftentimes, you wondered how it was possible to keep going after the first orgasm– your sensitive walls never seemed to bounce back as quickly on solo missions –but, here, at his mercy, you were as close to understanding as you’d ever been. It felt as if round one– though technically not real sex –simply wasn’t enough. If Eren had more to offer, you wanted it all.

When he slid into the groove between your legs to dive in for another kiss, you stopped him by hooking your thumbs into the waistband of his sweats. Your babydoll eyes met his hearty stare and you felt your heart ascend into your throat when you saw the excitement wash over his features. You felt powerful. “I… I think I want more.”

Eren wasted no time in assisting your effort to doff him of his bottoms. He did, however, pause when he was left in his briefs. He watched your wide eyed trance fall onto the bulge contained within the thin fabric and he did his best to read your expression.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” he said, gently. “I won’t be upset.”

You shared one last look at him before inhaling deeply and using the last shred of your self control to free his hardened member from its chains.

“I don’t think that’s gonna fit,” you said automatically, the words leaving your mouth before you realized you had said them. Immediately after, you glanced up at Eren with a hand over your mouth. “I meant–,”

“Cupcake,” he said, kicking his pants free from his legs to settle in between yours, “I know what you meant. But I have a feeling you’ll do just fine.”

That did it. The way your nickname rolled off of his tongue sent all of your apprehension flying away into the night. You had shared so many firsts with Eren; you went to your first prom with him, he was your first boyfriend– granted, you were third graders and it lasted all of 10 minutes –he was your first friend... Was this really so different?

Yes, you reminded yourself. It’s very different.

But you didn’t care.

Eren pulled a fleece blanket over the two of you; you weren’t sure why, but for some reason, it made you feel closer to him. It was definitely warmer, so you wouldn’t have complained either way. He shared one more impassioned kiss before giving you another out. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

You nodded.

“You only get one first time.”

“I know that, Eren.”

“I just don’t want you to–,”

“Oh my god, shut up and fuck me.”

---- There's more, I promise! Read the full fic on AO3 here.----

#snk smut #eren x reader #eren smut #eren yaegar #eren shingeki no kyojin #snk x reader #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin

[of-thieves-and-witches]

Spring

A/N: not proof read. hopefully will be before it goes up on ao3.

_______________________________________

" And that brings us to the end of the campus tour, hope you liked it. Registration forms are at the administration office for those interesting in applying to the Galvan Academy of Intergalactic Sciences. Hope to see you at the spring semester" the tiny little voices echoed cheerfully in harmony from all 5 mouths of the blue campus tour guide.

The group thanked her and then dispersed into various directions, with our dark haired osmosian being dragged away by his girl towards the main building.

"Woah G slow down, where's the fire?"

Gwen rolled her eyes, " the sooner we fill that form , the better the impression it leaves. The better the impression, the more likely you get in" she said as she almost sprinted towards the 50 foot giant metallic doors.

Kevin smirked. Leave it to his girl to get excited over school, though deep down he had to admit, he was a little excited too.

This wasn't just any school , it was THE Galvan Academy. Founded by Azmuth's grandparent's, this was one of the most prestigious universities in the milky way. Anyone who was anyone went here , in fact it was an honor to even be allowed on to the campus itself.

When he first received the letter at his garage a few days ago he automatically tossed it on to the plastic chair, assuming it was another one of Ben's fanmail.

It was Gwen who brought it to his attention when she came over later that evening that it was addressed to him from the academy

" TGA huh? So Ben's getting honorary doctorate or something?"

" This isn't for Ben , it's for you"

Kevin was slightly taken aback, his initial thoughts racing to recall if he'd ever stolen or committed some crime regarding the institution. Nothing came to mind. So if he wasn't in trouble , why would they have sent him a letter?

" it says Azmuth has recommended your name to join from the Spring semester and they'd love to have you visit the campus to consider an official admission. " she almost shrieked as his eyes widened.

Him? Why him?

He's not the super famous hero, Ben is. He's not the super book smart academic , Gwen is.

Why would anyone recommend him?

" are you sure it is isn't for one of you guys? "

" it literally says congratulations dear Kevin Ethan Levin on having been chosen as an honorary recruit to the spring semester. It can't get any clearer than that. Now get up, we need to pack ASAP if want to make it to Galvaria by Tuesday. Oooh and we'll need to get some formals for you"

Kevin was dumbfounded at the thought of it all. So dumbfounded that he didn't even complain when Gwen made him buy sweater vests and khakhis.

Upon reaching the foot of the wide stairs he pulled, resulting in gwen smacking into his chest due to the abrupt halt.

" G what makes you think I even want to go here?"

Gwen raised her eyebrows at him.

" wha...what? Do you even know where we are right now? babe this is where the weapon master's come to learn. This...this is all we've talked about for past 3 days!"

He shook his head. " No this is all you've talked about for the past 3 days. I haven't said anything"

She looked at him in disbelief. That can't be true. However now that she thought about it, she realized she truly was the only one of them who'd actually shown any enthusiasm, the one of them who'd been dragging them through every nook and cranny of the institution openly gawking at all the machinery and facilities.

Kevin for the most part simply walked beside her giving the occasional woah whenever some high level tech was mentioned.

"come on" She grabbed his hand and began pulling him again, this time away from the building and towards the giant fountain of Azmuth spewing water out of his head.

He quietly followed her as they sat on the cool granite in front of the statue.

" babe " she sighed " I'm sorry, I should've known something was up when you agreed to buy those dress shoes. I just ... I don't know. This is a huge deal and I'm sorry I got carried away"

Kevin stared at the all the aliens buzzing around the courtyard, some rushing with piles of books to their next class and some showing off their end of semester projects. This could be him next semester , if he decided that is.

" It's been a while since I went to school you know. And the last time I was there, I didn't really have the best time"

Gwen gave a soft squeeze to his hand.

" I know" she said softly. " But you've grown so much since. You're smart and funny, you got your roguish charm" he smirked as she gave him a little nudge.

" kev you'll be fine. And i'll be right here if you need anything", she reassured.

His smirk dropped.

Truth be told , while he was nervous about going back to school, it wasn't exactly the number one thing that made him apprehensive about this whole situation.

" G, you know this is a 2 year degree, not including further specialization and the compulsory year long work I'm supposed to do with Azmuth. I'm gonna have to stay out here for 5 years atleast. And I know you can't just drop everything at Freidkin and ...." he trailed off.

He didn't even want to say it out loud.

The anodite looked down at her hands and fumbled with her fingers.

" I know" she whispered. She wasn't stupid, she knew what followed if Kevin went here.

They sat in silence, just staring at the ground for a while, neither of them wanting to confront the truth that loomed over them.

" Gwen , I ca.. I don't want to lose you" he whispered. "5 years is a long time. Things change , people.. change"

Their own relationship was a testament of the fact.

She turned and grabbed his face in her hands, her thumb slowly stroking his cheek. She looked into his dark eyes, the eyes that become her home over the past few years.

" I can't even begin to imagine not being you okay? But I can't take this amazing opportunity away from you, you deserve to be happy Kev"

" you make me happy gwen"

" I know , but that's not enough. You're worthy of so much more. You deserve a chance to be great."

He looked away from her, trying to avoid eye contact.

" so you're going to let me go, just like that?" he said quietly.

She placed her head on his shoulder, his arm instinctively wrapping around her like it'd done a million times over.

" yes, even if it feels like my heart's being ripped out of my chest. I love you too much to keep you around. "

He sighed. " 5 years is a long time you know. A lot can happen"

This wasn't going to be easy , it never is when it comes down to the one you love. Kevin was right, 5 years was a terribly long time to be away from the one who's the reason your heart flutters, but this wasn't the time for mere feelings.

" 5 or 500 , I'm not going anywhere" it was true, regardless of what the future held for their relationship , there was one thing she knew for sure. She was never going to stop loving him.

He kissed the top of her as she snuggled closer. It was an interesting emotion Kevin felt at the moment. A mix of excitement of knowing he'd have a chance of becoming something great whilst feeling grief over losing someone he considered was his whole world.

Kevin turned around and looked up at the Azmuth statue. He wondered why he had recommended him in the first place. Besides from a few interactions, always regarding Ben, they hadn't really talked or bonded in any way, at least not enough for him to consider him to for anything as prestigious as this. Then again he never did understand most things the little green frog spoke or did.

" hey G, is the water coming out of his head supposed to represent his brains?"

Gwen looked up with him, " huh ,I guess so "

"Weird"

_______________________________________________________

A/N: yes , they break up. I've always headcanoned they do. not because they hate each other because personally i feel like kevin deserves a chance to make something of himself besides just following gwen around. He's got the potential. and azmuth noticed that as well.

But fear not, they do get back together at the end of the 5 years. :))

#ben 10 #gwevin #kevin levin #gwen tennyson #ben 10 uaf #ben 10 alien force #ben 10 ultimate alien #love #ben 10 omniverse #fanfic #ao3 #oneshot #spring

[guardian-angle22]

Oversharing on the Internet [okay so I had this saved in my drafts from over a week ago and completely forgot about it until @ambiguouspenny tagged me recently. I don't remember who originally tagged me when I first put this in the drafts, but I think it was @welcometololaland ? I think? 😅]

ONE: Are you named after anyone?

First name, no. Middle name is the same as an aunt's middle name.

TWO: When was the last time you cried?

Probably three weeks ago at my best friend's wedding: they had lavender blackberry cupcakes and they were so good I almost started to re-think my stance on marriage just so I could marry whoever baked them. A few tears came to my eyes at how perfect they tasted.

THREE: Do you have kids?

Never.

FOUR: Do you use sarcasm a lot?

More-so just any type of humor to deflect and avoid things I don't want to talk about. See: my answer about crying.

FIVE: What sports have you played/do you play?

I played a year of basketball in junior high and then two years of "cheerleading" in high school (I put it in quotes because I went to a fundamentalist christian school where the cheerleaders were not allowed to move our hips or do flips/tumbling because those aren't modest. so they basically removed all the sport out of it).

SIX: What's the first thing you notice about people?

I don't know how to describe it other than their ~vibe? but working in customer service for as long as I have, I just notice people's moods or demeanor more than any other part of them first. Probably as a defense mechanism so I can prepare myself for angry people.

SEVEN: What's your eye color?

Blue/Grey

EIGHT: Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings, but... not sappy, completely unrealistic ones.

NINE: Any special talents?

um- no I can't think of a single actual thing.

TEN: Where were you born?

From what I recall being told, it was in some birthing facility place that was close to a hospital in case something went wrong. Unclear if anything went wrong tbh.

ELEVEN: What are your hobbies?

Reading, hiking, attempting to do random crafts/home decor or repair projects, and whatever it is I do on the internet I guess.

TWELVE: Do you have any pets?

One cat. She's adorable but also a creature of hell.

THIRTEEN: How tall are you?

5'2" if I'm not slouching like I usually do throughout the day.

FOURTEEN: Favorite subject in school?

Math. also sign language. I wish I had stuck with learning more of both of them.

FIFTEEN: Dream job

I don't dream of jobs but I get the question so... Unrealistic dream would be film editing, home design, or getting paid to read books. A more realistic dream (but requires schooling which I absolutely despise) would be a work from home job in IT/Tech within the company I currently work for. Honestly, anything within my current company but not customer facing would be absolutely fabulous. My company is very inclusive and actively encourages us to use work time to volunteer within our community and the benefits/pay is decent, but I'm just fucking tired of people, man. I'm over it. Customer service is rough.

#tag game #personal shit #thank you to the people who tagged me #I'm not gonna tag anyone since it took me ages to post this so I don't remember who already did it 😬 #one thing I remember from this making its rounds is how much taller most of my mutuals seemed to be LOL #I'd be so short next to y'all

[lexa-griffins]

Do you only know Portuguese and English?

English and Portuguese are the languages that I can talk, speak and write perfectly well in. Portuguese is mother language of course and I started learning English at age 3 in kindergarten so I got those locked down 😅

I also learned french, I can speak it comme si comme ça, I can understand it spoken and written although not wonderfully, but I suck at writing it 😅

I can understand spanish written and spoken really well, although I can't speak it or write it fluently. Italian is a little harder but I can get there too.

Latin is also not horrible to understand for me, i was raised roman catholic and went to sunday school so its not tooo hard.

I technically learned german for college but I don't know anything other than the basics, did it because we had to take a language in the first semester and the levels i got in the for english and french were high so they could only be taken in the second semester.

I learned some hebrew, japanese and arabic at some point but I cannot recall most of it, only some loose words here and there.

So yeah that's about it! 😅

#letter opened #about me #I guess? 😅 #i dod choose the languages and humanities path in high school so it would be sad if i didnt know some languages 😅