#I need to do this like now bc I’m already in my second semester junior yr | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bittywitches · 4 years

Note

I’m obsessed with the college roommates concept— maybe you’re feelings lonely and kinda sad abt ur love life one night and Grayson offers to take you on a date just for fun as friends but then ~feelings~ happen ☺️

Umm do you mean that one episode in season 8 of friends where Joey takes out pregnant Rachel and gets his crush on her??? Bc yes :))

It’s probably just been one of those weeks, you know? An assload of assignments, tests and exams every other day, most of which you’d completely bombed and were feeling shitty about. You hadn’t had more than 5 hours of sleep a day in like a month, you’d been living off of microwavables and instant noodles, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a sip of water since all your energy has been from coffee. And the kids in all your group projects this semester? Idiots. Selfish pricks. Every single one of them.

So it was needless to say that you were just in one of those moods. It was a Friday night, so things had slowed down enough, finally, but it also finally gave you some time to let yourself think, and god it was not great when you had to think.

It had started as just one of those basic thoughts; “What am doing? Where is this going?” which lead to “Why am I even in college in the first place?” Ending with “Oh my god I’m wasting my life and I’m gonna be alone forever”.

By the time Grayson had made it home that night, you were huddled up in the living room sofa under a blanket, your laptop open in your lap and snacks all over the table a couch while “Isn’t she lovely” by Stevie Wonder played on your phone as you tried your best not to burst into tears at the thought of never finding a boyfriend.

“Whoa, I don’t remember getting my invite to this slumber party.” He laughed, kicking his shoes off and throwing his bag onto the single sofa next to yours.

You slumped your shoulders. “It’s not a slumber party, it’s a pity party.”

“Oh?” He sat himself down on the sofa. “Who for?”

“Me, who else?” You wallowed, stuffing some more popcorn into your mouth.

“Why, did you get marks back?” He asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, a bit concerned at the volume of popcorn you were putting into your mouth with each bite.

“No, but what’s the point? I already know I’m doing bad.” You slumped backwards into the couch, just wishing you could be swallowed by the pillows and cushions.

“Hey,” He placed a hand on your knee, looking at you seriously now. He knew you. Your general melt downs he was used to, but this was different. He could tell something was wrong. “You okay?”

You sighed, grabbing your phone off the counter and pausing the song so you could think straight. “You don’t wanna hear about it.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

You sighed, slipping your legs out from under you and dangling them off the couch. “Okay, um..” Grayson’s hand had fallen away, and you suddenly felt like rubbing the spot on your leg where it had been. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve just been so busy lately, and it’s just gotten me thinking about my life in general. And how I haven’t gone out on a date in like…” You had to stop and think, and started laughing after a few seconds. “In so long I can’t even remember. Wow, god.” You sunk back into the couch. “I miss dating.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “Yea?”

“Yeah, you know,” You waved your hands around vaguely. “The whole excitement of it. Getting to dress up and look all nice. Feeling all pretty.” He tilted his head at you, and you shook your head and laughed. “But you know, not that I need the reminder. I’m obviously hot as fuck.” You gestured to yourself, highlighting your nest of hair and your stained sweatshirt. You waited for him to laugh, but he just continued to look at you with that weirdly deep expression.

“What?”

“How about I take you on a date?”

You blinked at him, then started to chuckle, confused. “Huh?”

“You know, as friends. But I’ll give you like, the whole experience.”

You almost spit at that. “The ‘whole experience’?”

He rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. We’ll get all dressed up, go out to a nice place for dinner or something.”

You sat up now, your eyes narrowed at him. “Why?”

“Why not? It’s a friday. If you have stuff to do you can always do it later.”

“You know where that mindset gets me, Dolan.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” He smiled. “Plus, you deserve a fun night.”

You scoffed. “Yea, but not with a boyfriend or anything. With my roommate.”

“You think you could do better?”

“Incredibly.”

“God just shut up and go change.”

You laughed. “I— You know what? What the heck.” You got up, and he did with you. “Ah, okay!” You gave him a quick squeeze before running to your room, and his eyes followed after you, a gentle smile on his lips.

…

He’d done the whole shebang. He got dressed in a nice dress shirt and clean black jeans, something you’d actually never seen him wear before. He’d somehow gotten you a bouquet of flowers, which, you weren’t even sure where or how he’d gotten them, because you couldn’t have taken more than twenty minutes to get ready. Nonetheless, he truly was the gentleman you had never expected. This was Grayson, the guy you watched old disney movies with and cried with during finals. He was the one you’d eat whole pints of ice cream with and play The Last of Us with and helped you master. He certainly wasn’t the one who was supposed to be complimenting you on your dress and taking you out to nice dinners. But here he was, doing just that.

He’d parked his car and was now escorting you inside this tiny but upscale italian restaurant, simple but elegant. As you entered through the glass door, the dazzling chandelier above the waiting area along with the gorgeous red sconces blew you away.

“Grayson how did you get a place like this on such short notice?” You whispered to him, gripping his arm, a bit intimidated by all the fancy folk waiting inside.

“I know some people.” He responded, a small smile on his lips.

You slapped his arm. “As if, you don’t even know the name of the Starbucks barista on campus.”

He rolled his eyes. “Can’t you let me be cool?” You stared at him waiting for the response, and he sighed. “This place is fairly new. Not that many people know about it yet, so it’s pretty easy to get a reservation.”

“How’d you know about it then?”

“Found it when I was looking for a place to take Sarah to.”

“Oh my god that girl from your Kinesiology class?” You looked at him with wide eyes and a grin on your face. “No way! I didn’t think you’d grow the balls to ask her out.”

“Hey,” He said, but you laughed. “Well, I haven’t exactly asked her yet. I was just checking it out.”

“Well either way, she’s going to love this place, it’s so extravagant.” You made it to the front and Grayson informed the woman standing there of his reservation. She escorted you both inside and brought you to a table next to one of the windows. She’d dropped off two glasses of water and menus for you both to look at in the meantime. You peaked at the one in front of you, and your eyes grew again.

“Gray, did you happen to look at the prices before coming here?”

“Don’t worry, I’m buying.” He flipped through his casually, as if he wasn’t exasperated at the large numbers printed on the cards.

“Are you serious? What are you, made of money?”

“Hey, I promised you a fun night, right? I can make a few sacrifices.”

A young man came up to your table, and you both gave him your order. You ended up choosing the cheapest thing on the menu, because a) you didn’t want to be too much of a burden on Grayson, but also b) you barely knew what any of it was anyways. He left, you both chatted for a bit, and he returned with your meals, both of them being some sort of pasta that you were a bit embarrassed about not knowing the differences between.

Grayson didn’t really know that much either, to be quite honest, but for some reason he felt the need to impress you with this place. And he was pretty giddy about the fact that it was working.

But throughout this, you had kept staring at him, frankly a bit shocked at the whole situation you both were in. You had to shake your head to get your thoughts straight, but ended up giggling. “So, you always this sweet with the girls you take out on dates?”

He bit his cheek, but decided to play along, lowering his fork and leaning in towards you to hear you over the chatter in the restaurant. “Why, you interested?”

“No, just curious what it is that Grayson Dolan pulls to get a girl.” You crossed your arms on the table, on elbow propped up with your chin resting on your hand. “Tell me, you have any moves?”

He laughed. “What, that I just use with every girl?”

“Don’t act so modest. There’s gotta be something. What gets them drooling?” You asked a playful smile on your lips.

He rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his food. “Okay fine, um.” He cleared his throat. “It usually starts out the same, I ask them about themself. Where they’re from, what they do— like, okay. What do you like to do in your spare time?”

You snorted. “Are we doing this? Are we playing this out?”

“Yesss, go with it.”

You laughed. “Okay, uh well. I like to paint sometimes.”

“Yea? What kind of stuff?”

“Well I used to do more traditional stuff, my parents were really into those pretty realism paintings. I’d do flowers and fruits and whatever, but every since, I guess junior year of high school, I’ve been doing more pop art pieces? And a lot more self-indulgent stuff. And I…” You trailed off, realizing you were rambling, but also realizing that Grayson had his soft eyes fixed on yours.

“What?”

His eyes widened a little, as if you’d shook him out of a daze, and he chuckled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just, uh... “ He smiled. “Your eyes are really pretty.”

Your face flushed a little bit, and you looked away from him, taking a sip of water to use it as your excuse. “Ah, thank you.”

He shook his head. “Anyways, so do you still do pop art now? Or has it changed since you’ve started college?”

You blinked at him, then covered your mouth as you opened it in slight shock. “Wow, that was really good.”

He laughed. “Yea?”

“The eye thing was good on it’s own but to know you were actually listening to me? I’m impressed.” You nodded in approval.

He tilted his head, chuckling. “Thank you, thank you.” He took another bite of food before continuing. “So what about you? You have any moves?”

You snorted again. “Gray, I barely go out on enough dates in the first place, much less enough to establish any moves.”

“Why are you always so modest? You can tell me you know.”

You laughed. “Yeah duh I know, but I’m genuinely serious this time. I don’t get asked out all that often.” You shrugged. “It’s why I get excited when I do get to go on dates. It’s fun.”

Grayson was the one who couldn’t help but stare now. He blinked at you, unable to really comprehend what you were saying to him. How could people not want to ask you out? You were incredible. Looking at you now, your hair up in a dainty bun, a few curls falling down the sides of your face; your pretty off the shoulder dress that matched your deep magenta-maroon lipstick. And he wasn’t lying about your eyes, they really were so pretty. They sparkled, even more so when you were laughing. Which was usually accompanied by your scrunched up nose, making you look like a cute little bunny. He smiled at the thought, as he loved seeing that expression on your face.

“Huh.” he said out loud then, not realizing when it was he had starting noticing your small actions like that so much.

“What?” You asked, looking up at him, and suddenly, seeing those same eyes he always saw staring at him, he felt almost light headed. His face felt warm, seeing you look at him like that. He was almost afraid that you could see what he was thinking. But why would that be a problem unless…

Grayson slowly widened his eyes. Did he seriously have feelings for Y/N?

“Nothing, sorry.” He said with a smile, looking back down at his food. Sure, he’d always thought you were amazing. You were gorgeous, sure, and you made him laugh. And yea he loved hanging out with you, watching movies and playing video games, and he adored being your roommate, having late night conversations and spending all your free time together…

He wanted to mentally smack himself in the face. Shit, he had feelings for you.

This was going to be a long night.

#not me getting ~carried away~ as usual #grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson dolan concept #grayson dolan blurb #grayson dolan x reader #dolan twins #ask #anon

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dawniebb · 4 years

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Face reveal bc yes

So, guys...especially from the Renegades fandom bc i’m the most active there: you saw the title lmao. This will...barely get notes (i wonder if it’ll get notes at all) buuUUUT YEAH LET’S GOOOO (If you’re gonna reblog pls be respectful bc i have issues and btw reblog ONLY if we are mutuals)

THIS IS ME! <3 HELLOOOO!!!

Now, if you want to stop here, do it. If you don’t...well

I’m going to tell you a story about myself and why I decided to post this.

First of all, I’m not celebrating anything. I’m just celebrating me, I guess (?) and in fact I’ve been wanting to do this since my parents got me a She-Ra cake for my 20th birthday back in May, because I loved that thing and felt the physical need to shove that thing into everyone’s faces But I didn’t because I didn’t feel ready enough...then that thought left my mind, and it came back like two weeks ago.

I’ve had mental issues since I was in like...elementary school. I’m sure I had felt depressed before I turned 12; however, the first memory I hold of feeling so, it’s when I was already 12. Because it was then when I realized that I wasn’t just a dumb kid who didn’t know how to make friends xd To this day, I genuinely feel like I was suffering from isolation bullying; you know xd my classmates purposely excluded me from activities, they would find any excuse for not letting me join their work teams and stuff like that; during my last year at elementary school, I only had like one friend, and that one friend and I shared a sort of abusive/toxic relationship, as in: manipulation, “we’re best friends. you should only talk to ME”, and then this friend turned her back at me too, because she decided to join the rest of the group and ignore me.

lol.

And I remember wondering what was I doing wrong. Like, why didn’t people like me; why didn’t they want to hang out with me; why did everyone seem to have friends except me. And then I got trapped into a very...dark place, and I remember being overthinking one day, because I tend to overthink a lot...and I remembered this specific kid who was in the same class as me.

I was in the line for the teacher to check my homework, and this kid, a boy, was behind me.

You see. I’ve always been chubby xd I don’t think I’ve ever been skinny since I was 2 years old or so, because by the time I was in kindergarten my classmates’ moms were already calling me a ‘little meatball’ thinking it was a fucking adorable nickname because Mexican moms can be pretty shitty sometimes don’t let the media stereotypes fool you not all of them are all cheerful and upbeat and when I was in elementary school, for some reason, besides being chubby, I had a really bad posture. And this boy who was behind me started imitating my way of walking and his friends were laughing, so I turned around and asked him wtf his problem was xd and he turned around to his friends and asked “Do you see how hunchback she is?” like I wasn’t even there xd and I genuinely tried to slap him but I couldn’t, and he said “Yo, stop moving because you’re going to cause an earthquake”

And my mom has always felt personally attacked for the fact I’m...u know, fat. She has always been very insistent on the fact I need to lose weight and stuff like that. And her, mixed with my experiences at school, made me feel like I wasn’t enough.

But my mind started saying things like “And u know why you aren’t enough? Because you’re fat”

Because, like, the day of the hunchback insult, when I told the teacher, who was a very shitty teacher btw but i’m not talking about her again today (i’ve already talked about her in MANY of my university papers, because I’m studying to be an English teacher), she turned around at him and said “Don’t listen to HER” and to this day I still don’t know why xd

But it made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Because I was fat.

Lol x2.

To this day, I still don’t know if I have an ED. Like, I genuinely don’t know. But I can safely say that, if I have one, it’s more likely BED... because, through the years, I managed to lose weight when I turned like 15 and I had my quinceañera party, but then first year of high school came and I had a relapse into depression...like, this might come off as a very unpopular opinion, but junior high school was dope for me x’d I remember it as one of the best years in my life, right after my second and third year in high school (high school in Mexico lasts only three years) and so...when I started my first year in high school and got fucking depressed again, I gained ALL that weight back, and even doubled it. During my second year of high school, I met my friends. The friends I still keep with me to this day. And they accepted me like the fucking train wreck I was, failing math like three times in a row and crying about it every single one of those times because I’m pretty sure I have dyscalculia but my parents won’t listen to me they think i’m just lazy when it comes to math even though they know i cant even read a fucking clock . And them, along with my another very close friend who I met via fanfction when I was 12, helped me go through it. Like, I did have some issues with my body during high school, but not as much as you would expect. They were getting pretty bad in my first and second semester, but during the other four my friends managed to stop me from losing my mind, even when it all went to shit in my third year again for different reasons.

Then I graduated from high school, and I made friends there too. Although my best friends are still my friend from fanfiction, my friends from high school and just one of my university friends. And you know...I was left...pretty scarred from the shit that happened during third year of high school, and even if I didn’t feel like I was *that* depressed, I did gain a lot of weight.

Like, the highest I’ve ever been. Then my dad got sick during October from last year, then my two doggies were murdered god i fucking hate my neighbors the same day my dad was released from the hospital and my mom went kinda nuts during December and I wanted to just...yeah.

So I did a lot of emotional eating. Like, y’all don’t understand.

It was like...I would go to uni and eat a brownie. Then chocolates on my way home. THEN a “a snack” like...fucking rice krispies. Then a huge ass meal, with soda bc why not. Then I would have either cookies or hot cheetos as a treat after my huge ass meal,

I’m a short person xd carrying that much weight was making my ribs and back hurt, as well as my legs and feet; my breathing was freaking awful, and there were some days were I got SO paranoid I just said things like “i’m gonna die today” or “out here trying to get diabetes like the rest of your family, aren’t you??” :’) but i didn’t tell anybody. My parents are not really an option in this case, BUT I didn’t tell my friends, because then I would have to explain that I ate a lot and that was something I was EXTREMELY ashamed of.

When February came, I was scared of going out, because I knew I would have to choose what clothes to wear and nothing fit me anymore and, the things that did, looked super stretched on me and, u know, I was sore. My health was getting bad. But I didn’t like to feel that way.

AND I MUST CLARIFY HERE. I’M WORKING ON THAT. I’M ACTUALLY A BODY POSITIVY DEFENDER, I JUST DIDN’T LIKE HOW *I* LOOKED AND, BESIDES, I WAS GETTING SICK. I GENUINELY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE AT SOME POINT. I’M NOT SAYING BEING FAT OR CHUBBY IS DISGUSTING. NO. I BELIEVE ALL HUMAN BEINGS ARE EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL. AND IF I’M WRITING THIS IS BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW RECOVERY IS DISGUSTING AND DIFFICULT SOMETIMES AND THAT IF YOU’RE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THAT: I’M SORRY. NOBODY SHOULD EVER FEEL LIKE THAT. I SUPPORT YOU. AND I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER. AND NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE TO CHANGE ONLY IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE. BECAUSE IT’S YOUR BODY. KEEP HOLDING ON.

But going back to the story...

My friends used to tell me I looked pretty all the time, which I appreciate a lot to this day. But my parents were like

Me: I’m fat and I look deformed.

Them: I agree.

Because yeah.

Just before the pandemic madness happened, I went on a school trip with my uni friends and one of them triggered my isolation trauma in the worst way possible...and that, somehow, ruined ALL the photos I took throughout the trip. Because I wasn’t enough. Because I was deformed and fat and I looked like an apple. Because nobody wanted to be seen near me. And my personality was shitty.

Like, I should’ve known I was worth it. I’m still worth it and I know that. But I wasn’t less worth it when I was chubbier. And maybe I didn’t look as bad as my head made me believe. But at the time my mental health was extremely awful.

Now, covid happened.

Not gonna lie. Quarantine fucked me up as much as it fucked everyone else, but for me...by not going out, I stopped being near trigger foods, and I was even able to consult a dietitian.

I’ve lost 15 kg since March. And I’ve managed to love my past self, but I love this one because changing it was my decision. Sure, my parents didn’t help a lot, but in the end it was MY decision. I’ve come to accept I was worth it even when I felt disgusted by myself, and all of those awful things people said or did to me, like my friend during that trip...

I didn’t deserve any of those things. Because NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. No one deserves somebody else making fun of them. No one deserves somebody else doing awful things to them that they know damn well that they trigger their childhood trauma. No one deserves to be judged for the way they look.

I was in a very dark place, and sometimes I’m still inside there. And like...during all those times, I kept posting in here.

I remember being next to my dad in the hospital, telling him “Guess what? Supernova drops this week” or “We’re going to watch TDP together, right?” or “Let me talk to you about She-Ra...” ....those were things that like...saved my life for a while, though mostly Supernova. Because, actually, Marissa Meyer has helped me in my fucking darkest years x’d from my third year of high school until now.

Her books didn’t take my depression away, but they did make things a little lighter for me, even when I felt like dying.

And I know this fandom is like..full of minors, so...I don’t know if any of you need to hear this: But you’re worth it.

If you want to change anything in your body, do it because YOU want to.

Because YOU’LL like you better.

Because it’s YOUR body, and it’s the only part of yourself that you and other people can touch.

Nobody should ever tell you you’re worthless because of your weight and your physical appearance. And if they ever do, then they’re the ones who should apologize, not you.

Nobody has the right to mistreat you, abuse you, or use your own body against you.

As for me...my ribs don’t hurt anymore. Nor does my back or my feet, and my breathing is getting better; I took the conscious decision to lose weight but, like I said, now that I’m not in such a dark place, I’m staring to realize that the past me wasn’t as hideous as my mind was making me believe. She was okay; she was broken inside, but she didn’t deserve anything that happened to her, nor did she deserved to treat herself that badly.

I posted my photo just to celebrate that I can finally said I’m not disgusted anymore. I can finally see myself in pictures again. And see my own reflection. Or go through my closet. Or do my makeup, because I LOVE doing my makeup and I was even ashamed of that. I’m not fully okay yet, but I’m healing.

So, if there’s any little Dawnie around here: I hope you give yourself a chance and realize you’re beautiful.

I hope that, if you change, it’s because you wanted to do it.

I hope you know that it’ll get better even if the healing process it’s not that easy.

I hope you know there’s people who love you.

I hope you know that you are beautiful. You were always beautiful and, no matter what path you choose, you’ll always be beautiful.

And worth it.

And human.

And important.

Take care of yourself, because you’re wonderful, no matter your size <3

#personal #VERY PERSONAL LMAO DAWN WHAT HAPPENED THERE U OK?#tw: eating disorders mention #TRIGGER WARNING EATING DISORDER MENTIONS #tw: depression #TRIGGER WARNING DEPRESSION #face reveal #and im gonna tag this bc yes #renegades trilogy #marissa meyer #renegades #archenemies #supernova #also TW: BULLYING

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asterekmess · 4 years

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S3A - E1

Okay, instead of making like massive reblogs of thoughts as I have them for the episodes, I’m gonna just make a massive bullet point list that I’ll add to throughout the episode, so you get One post per episode instead of “Like all nine million of them.”

I put Read-More’s because I care.

Thoughts (of which I have far too many):

I’m in the first ten seconds of the fuckin episode. Why the fuck is Braeden electrocuting Isaac? Like, look, I wanna like Braeden. I have issues with her entire moral system, but I still wanna like her cus’ she saves Isaac. But...how am I supposed to do that when the literal first thing she does is electrocute my boy??? He’s knocked out, not DEAD (not that that’s how shocking someone’s heart even Works) and it’s not like she needs to trigger the healing process. He’s already got Gaping slash wounds on his chest. He’s hurt enough. ALSO. “Be quiet”?? R U Serious? You’re electrocuting him. YOU try being quiet with fucking jumper cables on your chest.

The CGI...is so bad. Oh my god. What the absolute fuck. it looks like Sharkboy & Lavagirl. And why aren’t Ethan & Aiden’s claws doing anything to the bike?

I AM CONFUSION. If the twins don’t have to take their pants off to do the Transformers shit, why do they have to take off their shirts? Can...can I just skip that? Make the big bad werewolf wear an ugly hybrid of two of their stupid ass sweaters? Or do Ethan and Aiden really just like being shirtless that much? (I wouldn’t put it past them)

What is with Braeden and the electricity?

The writing in this show, what the fuck? “I thought I told you to hold on” EXCUSE ME, ma’am. He literally just passed out. His bad I guess.

Guess who has to add the anti-scott tag to this now? Anyway, I hate that Allison’s bit in the intro is her kissing Scott and then drawing the bow. Like, they’re broken up. They don’t get together in this season. Why are they kissing in the intro? That had to have Totally pissed off Scallison fans.

There’s my boy, holding up lizard tattoo designs. Pls tell me he took a pic and sent it to Jackson with the caption “It’s YOU.” Like, yes, way too soon, but man it’s fuckin funny.

This tattoo artist is a good-ass salesman. However, p-sure he’s not a good-ass artist if he had to wrap Scott’s arm up That badly. Like...they have stuff for that. Fuck, the one I got on my ankle, they used SaranWrap and Tape. Just needs to be kept out of the open air for a bit. You don’t need like eight layers of gauze. I do feel for Scott tho. That tat probably cost him like $50-75 before the tip. Oof.

Eyyy, time to be salty. Ya’ll know I love Allison, but does it get any more clear that she totally bailed on everyone after the warehouse? She went to France! She doesn’t even know what happened to Jackson after he got cured. ALSO. Lydia says “Derek taught him the werewolf 101.” Not Scott. Derek. XP

Lydia, honey, leave Allison alone. If she doesn’t want to go on the double date, go alone and make it an orgy. Fun, right? Wait, no. Don’t. You’re 16. Don’t do that!

When exactly did they “agree to give each other the summer”? She said “I’m breaking up with you.” he said “I’ll wait” and then she cried into her dad’s arms. Like...why didn’t we get to see this apparently incredibly important conversation? (maybe because it didn’t happen??)

I fucking LOVE the “I’m just gonna say hi. HEYYYYY! You know....they probably didn’t see us.”

The most horrific thing about that moment was the bad CGI.

I WANNA POINT OUT how cute it is (in a like, sad way cus’ she’s terrified) that Lydia is close enough to Stiles now that she immediately goes for his side and they like insta connect with the eye contact. Not in like a Stydia way, but like, they’re close. she trusts him and goes to him when she’s scared, even though he’s human and you’d wonder if she shouldn’t go to Scott instead, since he’s the werewolf.

SCOTT WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING THE DEAD DEER. Your ability to smell chemosignals/sense emotions has nothing to do with touching. Stop poking the dead animal.

Wait, WHY is there a full moon in that shot? The full moon isn’t for like a week! I COUNTED.

...what? Why the fuck does Braeden think Scott’s an Alpha? Why tho? Like, seriously? WHY? He’s not an Alpha yet. Nowhere near it. And if she knows bc Deaton told her (i think he was the one who hired her) then shouldn’t she know he isn’t one yet? IF SHE KNOWS that she can tell Melissa abt werewolves, WHY doesn’t she know that Scott’s Melissa’s son? Where is the LOGIC?

Scott’s morning routine is giving me Legally Blonde vibes. ~my perrrfectt dayyy, nothing standing in my wayyy~

I can’t tell. did Allison get highlights, or straight up dye her hair brown?

This sweet moment between her and her dad. Yes. Pls.

I will admit, I like getting to see each of their mornings.

Lydia...who are you fucking? Honey, you’re sixteen. Why isn’t whoever the fuck is in bed with you also getting ready for school? What.....the fuck?

Completely different Beacon Hills High School set. I really can’t blame the writers for that.

Wtf Davis? You list Erica and Boyd as being 17...since when? They’re supposed to be entering their Junior Year of high school. They would be 16 GOING ON 17. ANd what the hell do you mean Erica’s birthday is August 16th? She said in the last season that she’d “Just turned 16 a month ago” that was Spring semester. ???? Come on, guys. Seriously. Writing 101, getting to know your characters. I don’t know anyone writing a novel who doesn’t know the exact birthday of their characters. Plus, they cut 2 in. from Gage Golightly’s actual height, while adding an inch to Sinqua’s (according to google, which isn’t always reliable) Whatever. Boooooo.

Uh...that principal was threatened by the Argents. Victoria herself promised to torture him if he didn’t resign. Why does he look so surprised by the fucking sword in his office? For that matter, why is he at the school at all? He KNOWS the Argents attacked him. This should cause problems!

Honestly, Lydia, I love you. Like, go for it. Nothing wrong with not wanting to date and just wanting to have fun. My issues stem from YOU BEING 16. Yes, teenagers have sex. But this is ridiculous. Why is there so much sexualization? I knew a grand total of like....two teenagers who had sex at 16? and like one who did at 15 (which they say in canon she and Jackson were banging before her birthday). Like, it’s not nearly as common as y’all are making it out to be. Knock it off.

WHEN DID MELISSA MEET ISAAC PROPERLY? WHEN did that HAPPEN?

....so why didn’t Derek answer the phone? They literally never explain? He shows up, so...why didn’t he answer?

I’m SO InCredibly Disturbed by Jennifer having everyone’s phone numbers. HOW? In What Way is that REMOTELY appropriate? WHY did no one question it? Why didn’t STILES or LYDIA question it?

So tiny, bugs me so much. He didn’t turn his phone off. He turned his screen off...is it that hard to have him do the right one?

uhhh. Werewolves can smell other werewolves. Wanna tell me why Isaac can’t tell a werewolf just walked in the room? An ALPHA no less?

why TF are Kali’s iris’ and pupils so fucking massive?

So...what was the deal with the birds? Don’t they say later that Jennifer like summoned them? So they aren’t from the Alpha pack scaring animals? And also, how would the Alpha pack be scaring animals if they’re like, in the middle of town? They said in S1 that “wild animal sightings are up” like what 75% or something? “As though something is scaring them out” but that made sense, bc we knew Peter was running around in his full-shift (it’s a fucking full shift, it’s just fucked up) in the woods. But these Alphas aren’t, they’re integrating. So is it Jennifer that the animals are afraid of? Like, does she have sPoOkY aura or something?

More bad CGI.

WHy is no one responding to the woman stumbling around in nothing but a hospital gown?

ONCE AGAIN. Werewolves can Sense Werewolves. SCOTT you sensed Isaac in a BOYS LOCKER ROOM. DUKE IS RIGHT THERE. WHT THE FUCK?

angry smoker doctor “Why don’t you wheel this joker out of here?” “I’m gonna go smoke” Grrr

Sir. clearly your mask wasn’t tied on appropriately. it shouldn’t just Fall Off when you touch it. there are Protocols! STOP THE SPREAD. also, someone wanna tell me why none of these alphas can keep their claws in? A lil flashy flashy red eye would’ve done the trick just fine.

Okay no, seriously what the FUCK is up with these contacts, you guys? THEY”RE MASSIVE???

Ugh, can I just *swoons* “I’m an Alpha!” slice “So am I.” That is just so fucking smooth. Woo. I feel so safe ohmygod. PLUS. Derek KNOWS Ennis. I can’t imagine how satisfying that had to be.

Uh, Derek, honey. You’re Isaac’s legal guardian. You can just Sign Him Out of the hospital. With clothes and everything. What are you doing?

Honey, what do you mean the county took it over? If they were gonna do that they’d have done it six fucking years ago. Unless you gave it to them, it’s still yours? I did the research. Like HOURS of it.

What do you MEAN there’s a magic healing herb that helps with Alpha wounds? Since when do Alpha wounds need extra healing, I thought they just took a lil longer? ALSO why is it growing INSIDE your house???? SCOTT. Isaac is fucking UNCONSCIOUS. Can your tattoo fucking WAIT A MINUTE?

I have so many questions. WHY does Braeden know who Allison is? If Lydia’s immune to magic, WHY is Braeden able to bruise her? WHY can Braeden DO magic? and WHY is Chris allowed to take Lydia out of school?

ALLISON you had Geometry LAST YEAR why are you holding a GEOMETRY BOOK??

ohhhhmygod, Derek. Derek. DEREK. Your eyes are pretty on a normal day. That little Blink and ruby reds thing? Ohmygod. I just. I wanna take a picture and just stare at it BUT. how tf does this whole red eye thing work? You can see in the dark....but now you also have x-ray vision? You know, I could believe it was thermal vision...maybe? If Scott was still healing for some reason maybe the tattoo would be brighter? Otherwise I have no idea what is going on.

BUT SCOTT”S NOT 18??? He’s Still fucking 16, or even 17, but not 18. WTF? He needs parental consent in the first place (i should’ve mentioned this in the other note abt the tattoo)

uhh...seriously? When someone breaks up with you and tells you not to talk to them anymore...why do you need a reward for doing as they asked? Like, yeah, you’re sad, I feel that. But making it a ‘reward’ sounds kinda weird. You know what makes it really easy not to text the ex that doesn’t wanna talk to you? Delete her number.

WHY THE BLOWTORCH? SOMEONE WANNA EXPLAIN? Peter’s not covered in tattoo from when he was literally burned alive, why the FUCK would a blowtorch create a black tattoo on Scott’s skin?

DEREK. HONEY. Why would Stiles be able to hold Scott still??? Scott’s a werewolf.

All this bullshit to explain away Posey’s tattoo that he got. Like, damn dude, we all like tattoos, but you have a job that needs bare arms on the regular. That was kinda rude.

Where did braeden get clothes? I forgot to ask.

uhhhh. Ephemeral might technically work in that sentence, but that’s still really awkward.

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DESTROY HIS DOOR? YOU FUCKING ASSHAT. And WHY the instant fucking grr face? “why’d you paint the door?” uhh, leave him alone? He can do what he wants? It’s his house? Also, don’t get all fucking rude about the alpha pack. He told you it was a rival pack.

KALI. PUT SOME FUCKING SHOES ON. JESUS.

Why exactly does Scott see the symbol and INSTANTLY put together that it’s got anything to do with the Alphas or the animal attacks? Where is the logic jump there?

What exactly was the POINT of popping your claws if you were gonna kick her in the face???

UH, Melissa? Why didn’t you tell Scott that there was a whole other person with Isaac?

What is with the face touching, Duke? I’ve never known a blind person who actually wanted to rub their hands on my face to ‘find out what i look like?’

Really not a fan of all these weird jumps and camera angles with the awkward reflecting.

WOah WOah. Allison gets to PAINT her APARTMENT? Wtf kinda BULlshit is that? My landlord won’t let me do that. Rude.

I know they’re imprisoned and it sucks, but they’ve been there for four months, they had to have gotten bored. Do you think they broke into any of the security deposit boxes to see if anything was left behind?

Last thoughts: They really went for it with this episode. I have plans to change a lot of it. Hopefully I can mesh the changes with the general plotline.

#personal #TeenWolf-Rewatch #anti-scott mccall #for safety reasons

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tangerinegod · 4 years

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Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you!

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D.

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job!

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy!

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work.

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer..

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus!

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

#anon #ask #long post #im so so sorry this is like long as shit #ill literally tell you guys everything though art school should not feel like a mystery esp if ur planning to go into it!#Anonymous

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eviestudyblr · 4 years

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college apps survival guide *international students edition*

Hello everyone! I haven’t really posted any original content in a very very very long time, but I thought now might be the time since I have absolutely nothing better to do + I feel like it might be helpful for some ppl.

I know the title says *international students edition* but really it’s for anyone, just holds more in depth info for my internationals out there!

So I’m currently a high school senior, finishing up my second semester of senior year and getting ready to yeet out of here and go to college. Now, I’m from Europe and seeing as I’m not American I applied as an international student to the US colleges and this is essentially how that went down and everything that I did/had to do!

~the basics

So I attended an American private college prep school during my junior year as part of this ‘one year study in the US program.’ And when I came back in early June, I was completely mesmerized and really really wanted to attend uni in the States. So in June, I started researching what I needed to do in general, but specifically what is asked of international students.

‘SO what do I need to do?’ you might ask, wellll here is a list, my friends:

research! research! research! find out what you want out of your uni experience and just the basics of each university that you have heard of or thought about already

talk to your parents and friends about it. i know it may seem silly, but trust me! they might be able to help you with your research or just be there for your emotionally during these truly TRYING times

look into standardized testing (SAT, ACT, SAT subject test, TOEFL or IELTS if you don’t go to an English speaking high school)

look for a college counselor (I know for many this isn’t an option bcs of how stupidly expensive it is, however, if you are in a position where you can pay for one I truly do recommend it!)

see if you need to better your GPA and by how much if you need to

email your teachers about recommendations. i’d advise emailing about 4 ppl e.g. your adviser, art or an electives teacher, a teacher that lectures in a subject you wanna study in college (for me it was my history teacher bcs i plan on studying politics), and a teacher that knows you really well/a teacher you really like

~standardized testing

Sooo in July, I decided to start prepping for the SAT and well it didn’t really go well, seeing as I’ve never before taken any sort of standardized test (except my Cambridge English exams). Seeing as that wasn’t going well and I already veryyyy stupidly applied for the SAT in October, I decided to find a tutor. Luckily, my tutor was also a college counselor and LUCKILY she wasn’t wildly expensive!

I started my SAT prep in August and took my first SAT in October. I wasn’t all that satisfied with my October scores, so I went and retook my SAT in December and upped it by 80 points. I would honestly advise everyone to take their SATs/ACTs before Senior year, but I’m not judging you if ya don’t... i mean look at me.

I would advise taking a full SAT test every week or every two weeks at least and tracking your progress. I would also advise using Khan Academy and the College Board website.

I also took my TOEFL exam in October, and honestly, I did no prep for it whatsoever and got almost a perfect score. Tbh most tests of English proficiency are not that hard if you’ve been studying English for a while. However, I do recommend at least doing some prep. There is also IELTS, however, I’ve been told that American colleges prefer the TOEFL test, seeing as it is an American test. But most accept both!

~looking for colleges

I’m sure most of you know already whether you want to attend a big school or a smaller one. Whether you want it to be a city school or a small college town one, East Coast vs. West Coast vs. Mid West, etc.

Now there are a couple of nifty little web sites to help you search for colleges and learn about the basics of each one and what their pros and cons are. So here are some of the ones that helped me (bolded ones are my faves):

Niche

Unigo

College Confidential

Princeton Review

College Board (Big Future)

College of Distinction

I applied to 9 colleges, I had two reach schools, three safeties, and the rest were just schools I knew I could most probably get into and I liked.

I used Sheets on Google to organize myself. I had 13 columns:

(I apologize for the picture quality and for the fact that it’s not one cohesive picture, it just wouldn’t fit.)

~essay writing

I honestly don’t know how I would’ve written my essays without the guidance I received from my college counselor and friends that have already done this. It took me 21 mfing DRAFTS to finally be satisfied with my college application essay! So take it from me - it’s okay if it takes you a while to hit the nail on the head! Trust me, everything will turn out great and you Will make it.

I honestly don’t have much to say about essay writing, except that it’s a lengthy process and everyone deals with it differently. There isn’t a magic formula for it and all you can do is be yourself and try and help them see who you are.

Some videos that might be helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PhK7n4Labg&t=1s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIXvZTKCnyo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5VQq56IDfY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEpmZDf0SMg

Well, I hope this was helpful to some people and if anyone has any questions they can always dm me or send me an ask!

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pleasekeepmylifeontrack · 5 years

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What does the next school year look like for me?

What classes I’m taking:

US History Honors ~ Definitely one of the most daunting classes. The history department is already mad tough with grades, and on top of that, we have to do something called a “junior thesis”, where we pick any topic in American history and write a several page paper on it for 25% of our grade. This paper is so big that it’s the school’s justification for not having an APUSH class. While I am excited for it, it’s, like I said, daunting. Also the summer work is literally to read the entire Declaration of Independence, Constitution, and all Amendments as well as some documents surrounding it so that’s fun.

American and Comparative Government Honors ~ I don’t really know what to expect here, but I adore the teacher so that’s a start. It’s an elective history class, which I think will be exciting, because it means that everyone who’s taking it really wants to be there. I think we’ll have some interesting discussions.

Utopia Theory and Literature ~ Another class with a teacher I adore, and the subject matter is so intriguing to me. It’s about different ways that Utopia manifests in literature, and we’re reading stuff like Ursula Le Guin, and, of course, Utopia. However, this is only for the first half of the year.

20th Century World Literature ~ I have no idea what to expect with the teacher here, but I looked at the book list, and it is very intriguing indeed. This is also only for the first half of the year.

AP English ~ The second half of the year, and a class that I am incredibly hyped for. The book list is interesting, of course, but it’s also the first AP class that I’ll be taking ever, which means that I can get college credit, and all that stuff. However, it’s also the first AP test that I have to deal with, which is decidedly not fun. But I’ve always been good at English. Though I did here there was an essay due every week. Oh, well. We’ll see what happens.

French 4 Honors ~ I hopped on the French train late, because I came into this school at a weird time, which also affected my placement in math as well, and I remember that no one thought I would make it this far in French, and keep up with the rest of the kids in my grade who have been taking it since elementary school on the honors track. Well guess what, I did. Ha. But also, this is the one French class that I really need to go hard in, because doing well in this is my ticket to AP French. Not only do I enjoy the language, but damn it will be satisfying to prove to everyone that I can do it.

Physics 1 ~ I wanted to take Physics 1 Honors, so I could take AP Physics, but I guess life doesn’t always give you what you want. I’m still a little disappointed about this, but honestly, it’ll be fine. I’m going to film school anyway. But I do love the teacher that I have for this class, so it’s sure to be enjoyable.

Advanced Precalculus Honors ~ This class isn’t as important as the class that comes after, AP Calculus AB/BC, which combines the two years of Calculus. While this label does sound impressive, this class actually has more sophomores in it than juniors, like 65/35 and guess what? I’m a junior. I think even though part of me knows that I need to find satisfaction in where I’m at, another part of me feels the need to overcompensate for where I’m not. We also have a new teacher for this class, which will prove interesting. I heard the old teacher was a nightmare, though.

Sculpture 3D Design ~ This is technically the Sculpture 3 class, and the culmination of my first two years of sculpture. I remember back in freshmen year I was disappointed about being put in sculpture, and now I can’t wait for the semester to start again. It’s so chill, you just listen to music and like, make a freaking sculpture. And I think we get to 3D print in this class.

Health 1 ~ At least I don’t have to deal with PE anymore. And this one is also only for the second half of the year.

Extracurriculars:

Stage Crew ~ We have a fall comedy, a winter musical, and I spring drama, and I am doing full-time crew for all of them. I used to do sports for all three of the seasons, and I made the switch half-way through last year, and I have never been more happy. Hell yeah.

Newspaper ~ I’m managing editor for my school newspaper this year, which means I’ll be the lead editor next year. I’m also the lead editor for the arts newsletter at the moment, however, we’re looking to combine this with the newspaper, so we’ll see where it goes.

Student Council for Extracurricular Activities ~ We decide policies around clubs and such, and try to improve student life in this area. I’m representing publications and I’m actually hyped, this is a new committee.

Library Leadership ~ My book lovers are out here, leading libraries. We plan events and do service and improve the library as best we can. I love everyone here and I am so excited to be a part of it.

Student Ed-Tech Leaders ~ We’re in charge of the laptop program around here, we fix stuff for both students and teachers and in general try our best to improve student policy and interaction in using these machines, because, if I’m being completely honest, some of these kids are grandmas when it comes to laptops.

Ethics of Technology ~ A newer club that I am thrilled to be a leader of. Basically, we meet after school once a week and discuss different technological and ethical issues for a few hours. Very cool and I hope I can make it work.

Book Club ~ Squad. I’m new, and I was floating between clubs for a while, but I’ve found one I love.

Debate ~ I don’t know if I’m actually sticking around here or not. I do love it, but I think I might switch events or something, I’m just in need of a change. And it really does take a lot of time.

Playwriting? ~ We used to have this workshop in the second half of the year where we would meet after school and discuss each other’s work, though I’ve gotten word that it might not be meeting this year anymore. If that’s the case, well then I might start it myself or something, because I really miss it and I miss everyone there.

#studyblr #back to school #high school student #high school life #study #studyspo #new studyblr #new studyspo

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publicschoolstories · 6 years

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Oh man buckle up this is a wild ride. So at my highschool there's this councler, Mrs. S, that everyone fucking hates because she's useless. She has become a running gag joke among everyone, even the other staff. Once my friend told her teacher she had to go meet with Mrs. S, and the teacher grimaced and said "good luck". List of shit she has done (to me or my friends personally): -Go into office bc of finals week and this one specific final was stressing me out to the point of a break down, walk in there, she tells me stress can be a good thing and asks me to leave. -I emailed her about some questions I had going into a school program (it let's me take full time college classes at the college and basically leave the highschool). She replied to that email over a year (and a grade) later with something completely different. -Me: hey I wanna fill out all the paper work for said program online. Her: the papers are printing now, pick them up on your way out :) . She never told me how to fill out the forms, either. - I had been emailing her for weeks about meeting to discuss what college classes I need to take, shit like that, finially just showed up at her office. She saw me waiting outside her office, smiled, and closed the door. I never had the meeting and found the information online. -Tried doing part time college and part time highschool to get a math class I need that isn't college level. Second semester starts and she thinks I would I do better in full time college, pulls me out my class without telling me. Cool now I have half a credit of math I need to finish that I can't take through the college. -I had a meeting set up with her to discuss whay I should take in my last quarter before hs graduation. Tell her I need a math class to graduate, don't know what class to take, she tells me life is full of choices and I chose to be here, then walked away and left me with the other councler in the room. -My mom called her just to ask about my classes and catch up. My mom: "Hi! This name, students mom?" She got hung up on. -Mrs. S raves that I'm her favorite student. Why? I take care of everything myself. To my friend she has: -Over the course of the year my friend has been asking for her graduation requirements. Friend: "I need to do A, B and C, to graduate, right?" Mrs S: "Right!" *one week later* Friend: Just checking in, I need to do A, B, and C, right?" Mrs S: "Uh... hmm... No? C, D, and E." She does this every week, for the past year. - Friend *first time meeting Mrs. S*: "So uhh... I'm little worried about not graduation on time." Mrs. S: "No! Don't worry we have plenty of time, you're only a sophomore!" Friend:"Uh.... I'm a Junior..." Mrs. S: "Oh... Ha." *turns towards computer* - Friend *now senior*: "Hey I can participate in Senior Activities this year with my friend, right? Because I'm graduating this year?" Mrs. S: "Yes! You can! Or..... you could do them next year." Friend:"I'm not gonna... be here?" Mrs. S: "Oh. We'll see how that goes..." - Friend: "I have really bad, bone crushing, anxiety." Mrs. S: "You should get a puppy! " Friend: "I already have animals..." Mrs. S: "Oh, too bad!" Anyways we all hope she leaves soon.

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searchforthescars · 7 years

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Litany - 1/?

Hey it’s ya girl back at it again with another Memori modern AU because idk Little Beast wasn’t enough for me?

Endless thanks to @bombshellsandbluebells for being willing to continue the editing extravaganza with me even though you’d think Little Beast would have scared her away HAH

Anyway, this story deals with implied rape (bc Ontari sucks) as well as sexual, physical and emotional abuse. Pls be careful when reading if this sort of thing triggers you. I’m happy to provide more details if you need them.

Go nuts and let me know what you think!

Every morning the maple leaves.

Every morning another chapter where the hero shifts

from one foot to the other. Every morning the same big

and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out:

You will be alone always and then you will die.

Then

“He’s not answering his phone,” Raven says, thumping her bag down on the floor. Bellamy turns from his computer, bracing his hands on the kitchen counter. “I’m worried.”

“I’ll go over there.” Bellamy’s already got his keys in his hand, his phone in his pocket. “I’ll text Miller and Bryan on my way.”

Raven’s brows pinch together. “It’s her. I know it is.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “I know. We need to get him out of there.”

“Hard to do when she cuts him off from everyone. It’s textbook, Bell!”

A sigh. “I know.”

Now

Unsurprisingly, the house is already awake when Murphy drags himself out of bed. [Read on Ao3]

Still half-asleep, he stumbles downstairs, lured by the smell of waffles. Bellamy and Octavia are already in the kitchen, along with Raven and Miller. Bacon sizzles on the stove, popping whenever the younger Blake jabs it with a fork.

“Morning, sunshine,” Raven says jokingly, giving Murphy a side hug. He lets her, though he flinches as soon as she pulls away. His skin crawls from her hands on him, and he hates it - hates it so much he wants to throw up and die, or at the very least, go back to bed.

He takes a piece of bacon from the pan. His fingers ache from the heat. Miller watches him carefully, but Murphy does nothing, says nothing. He eats the meat without tasting it, feeling the delicate skin on his tongue burn.

“Wow, your mouth is, like, indestructible or something,” Octavia comments. “Bellamy would be reaching for an ice cube right about now.”

“You’re one to talk,” Bellamy grumbles. “You couldn’t even handle the pico de gallo Raven made last week.”

“It was spicy!” Octavia defends. “Who in their right mind makes something that hot?”

Murphy sits at the breakfast bar and tunes them out, staring out into space and letting his eyes unfocus, then refocus. They eventually land on the fridge calendar, and he stares at today’s date, where Emori arrives is written in bright red pen.

“Raven,” he calls. “When’s the new tenant moving in?”

“She should be here soon,” Raven replies. “And the least you can do is call her our roommate.”

Murphy rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

It’s as if their conversation summons her. There’s a knock at the door, and Murphy goes to get it because it’s either that or watch Bellamy destroy the waffle he’s trying to remove from the iron. It’s painful, honestly.

The girl in front of him is small, a little shorter than him, with long, dark hair, wide eyes and full lips parted in surprise. When she speaks, he hears a bit of an accent. “I- Which one are you?”

“What?”

“I only know your names.” She tilts her head. “Are you John?”

There’s something about his name on her lips that makes him shiver. “Yep,” he says, popping the ‘p,’ purposefully stiffening his body language. He looks past her. A van is trundling down the road, away from the house.

Raven chooses this moment to appear behind him.

“You must be Emori,” she says, sticking her hand out and shoving Murphy aside in the same motion. “I’m Raven. We talked on the phone.”

“Nice to meet you,” she says, shaking her hand. Her tone is gentle, but she doesn’t smile. Murphy sees lines around her eyes, but the set of her brow tells him something different.

She is not happy.

The ratty old duffle bag in her hand and the backpack on her shoulders are the only personal belongings she has. Murphy takes the bag from her and leads her upstairs, to the room next to his - the room that used to be Luna’s.

“I don’t know what Raven told you,” he says, dropping the bag on the bed. “This used to be Luna’s room. You’ll meet her at some point - she’s always over here. She moved to graduate housing this semester.”

“Graduate housing? What’s she studying?” Emori looks out the window. They’re on the second floor, so there’s not much of a view.

“Psychology.” He smirks. “She’s not the best person to have around in a house full of fucked-up people.”

Emori doesn’t say anything, just looks at him. Her eyes are brown, he realizes, and full of questions and something darker - something that makes him ache when he looks at her.

You will be alone always , he tells himself, remembering the poem he fell asleep reading last night, the one that almost made him cry, and then you will die.

He had his chance, and it was spent over and over, in a bed and a house that no one wanted, that no one loved.

“This is all you have?” he asks, motioning to her bags, then shoving his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t even see anyone stop to say goodbye.”

Her shoulders hunch forward, her eyes shutter, and he wonders what exactly he said to frighten her. “It’s all I need.”

“Do you want...help?” He thinks better of the question the moment it leaves his mouth. The door is open, but everyone else is downstairs, and the music is loud - too loud - and no one will hear him.

She laughs. The sound makes him jump at first, and then he freezes. Oh , he thinks, letting the sound roll over him. It’s warm and low, tumbling from her throat over her lips. “I think I can manage. But thanks, John.”

He leaves, goes next door to his room, and flops down on the bed. He hears her padding around, her boots thumping against the worn wood. He examines the burns on his fingertips from the bacon. They’ll be gone by tomorrow.

“What do you think of her?” Raven asks Murphy, pointing up the stairs and settling next to him on the couch, resting her bad leg against the footstool kicked haphazardly to the side.

Murphy shrugs. “Seems like she’ll be quiet. Which is good, because I’m not about to share a wall with someone who’s up all night.”

“Yeah,” Raven snorts. “Because I totally picked her to room with us because of your personal comfort and safety.”

“Shut up, Reyes,” he laughs, shoving her gently. She laughs and reaches for the remote, turning on the TV and leaning her head on Murphy’s shoulder.

“I’m glad we’re friends again,” she murmurs. “I’m glad you’re here instead of there.”

He feels himself tense, then relax when she doesn’t say anything more. He hears a creak on the stairs and looks up sharply, sighing when he sees Emori looking down at them.

“You can come down,” he says to her. She looks to him, then to Raven, and descends the stairs like she’s ready to fight, right fist clenched, jaw set. She sits on the arm of the couch, right near Murphy’s arm, and looks down at them both.

“Girlfriend?” she asks.

Murphy shakes his head. Raven laughs. “No,” she says. “That would be like oil and water. We’re just close friends.”

She looks to Murphy. Murphy says nothing, just shifts uncomfortably. He can feel her presence; she’s close - too close - and he almost wants to shy away from her. He forces himself to breathe normally and clenches his hands into fists. Raven doesn’t notice.

“You can sit with us,” he finally says, motioning to the spot near Raven. Raven scoots over so Emori can sit comfortably. He breathes a sigh of relief.

“What are you majoring in, again?” Raven asks her.

“Social work,” she says quietly, toughly, with a firm chin, as if she’s expecting an argument. “I’ve got an associates, but I’ve got to get the bachelors now.”

“Oh, so you’re a junior?” Raven grins. “Me too. I’m in engineering, though, so kinda different. Murphy’s a sophomore, but he’s undeclared.”

Emori looks at him over Raven’s head. “You’ve got time,” she tells him, as if she thinks he’d be worried about that sort of thing. In reality, he can’t be bothered at all.

They turn their attention back to the TV. Raven falls asleep after a while, her head still on Murphy’s shoulder. When he looks up, Emori is looking back at him.

“Settled in okay?” he asks, voice low, heart in his throat. What is he doing? Why is he talking to her?

She nods. “I guess.”

“Glad to have your own room? I used to share with Bellamy - it sucked.”

She shrugs again. Her left hand is wrapped in some kind of cloth, and she picks at it. Murphy wonders why it’s covered up, why it’s so stained, why she feels the need to shrink into the couch. “I shared a room for a while. It’s not so bad.”

Murphy snorts. “I’d hate it. People going through my shit, talking, snoring .” He rolls his eyes. “Bellamy’s snoring was the worst.”

“Well, they had bed checks and curfews, so…” she doesn’t meet his eyes. He frowns in confusion. “Besides, it’s not like you’re allowed to have anything personal in prison.”

She looks up, and their eyes lock. Her defiant chin says what’re you going to do about it? Her eyes plead for acceptance.

Murphy doesn’t know what to say, but he knows he should say something. “We’ve all got our shit,” he says. It’s fucking pathetic, but better than nothing. “Are you reformed or whatever?”

She smiles. It looks like relief, like a sharp knife. “Hell no.”

He likes her a lot more after that.

In rare (read: nearly-impossible) form, the entire house eats dinner together, crowded around the dining room table that is really only meant to seat four. Raven’s idea was for Emori to get to know them all a little better. So far, it hasn’t backfired horribly, much to Murphy’s relief.

Murphy cooks: a pot roast with garlic butter, biscuits and green beans. Emori’s eyes grow wide when she sees the amount of food on the table. He thinks she even mutters holy shit under her breath. She waits to eat until everyone else is halfway done, staring at her full plate and fisting her hands in her shirt.

“Okay, so,” Raven announces once the initial feeding frenzy is over. “Lets throw it back to freshman orientation and go around and say our names and majors and shit.”

“Jasper Jordan, freshman,” Jasper gives Emori a wave. “I room with Monty here,” he points his thumb at his best friend, “and I’m majoring in chemistry.”

“Monty Green, freshman, computer science.”

“Octavia Blake, freshman, criminal justice.” She gestures to Lexa, who’s sitting across from her. “Lexa’s the same, only she’s a junior.”

Lexa finishes chewing her bite of food, then waves at Emori. “What she said.”

“And you already know me and Murphy,” Raven finishes, leaning back and taking a satisfied sip of her beer.

Emori gives a small, general wave, then takes a tiny bite of food. “This is good,” she tells Murphy. “Thank you.”

He nods in reply, then smiles ever-so-slightly when he looks up to see her smiling back at him.

She helps him with the dishes after dinner, loading the dishwasher one-handed and humming along to the music playing from the living room. Octavia and Lexa are printing out their syllabi for tomorrow’s classes, Raven is trying to fix something that could either be a dvd player or a weird-looking roomba, and Monty and Jasper have escaped somewhere upstairs to play video games.

It’s quiet, almost peaceful, and it makes Murphy anxious.

There was a time when he would get in trouble for even looking too long at Emori. But that time has passed, so he looks freely, cataloguing the slope of her nose, the flecks of amber in her eyes, the clumsiness with which she uses her left hand. Her body is buried under layers of clothing, and he sees faint scars under her eye and along her collarbone. Prison mementoes? Or something worse?

She looks up at him, mouth twisted wryly, eyes sparkling, and he realizes she said something, but he can't remember what.

There's a moment of panic, of confusion. What would the consequences be for not listening? But she grins, a flash of white teeth, and says, “Were you looking or listening?”

“You caught me,” he says drily, face the perfect picture of snark and sarcasm.

She chuckles. The sound is warm, like her laugh from before. He feels his stomach do a slow roll. “I asked if you had class tomorrow,” she repeats nonchalantly, like he's not an idiot for failing to pay attention.

He pictures his schedule, then shakes his head. “No.”

“I do.” She shuts the dishwasher and pushes the button to make it start. “I’m going to stay on campus and walk around after, though. Just to see where everything is.”

I'll go with you, he wants to say, but his throat clamps down around the words. She takes her right hand, brushes it against the kitchen towel, then pulls her hair over one shoulder. It's like a muddy waterfall, but prettier.

Murphy shakes his head at himself, then climbs the stairs to his room.

He's woken in the middle of the night by someone shaking his shoulder.

“Get the fuck away from me!” he cries, scrambling backward, colliding against the wall. He will say no this time, he will, he's so tired-

It's Emori. Hair wild, eyes unfocused, confused. Her lips are pulled into a worried line. “You were screaming,” she says, and her voice is rough, ungodly.

“I'm sorry.”

She looks like she wants to touch him. “What happened?”

Murphy shrugs. “The same shit.”

He remembers the dream. A rope, the knife, creaking of floorboards, a broken phone, Raven’s frantic calls.

He can't go back to sleep.

There's a park across the street, and he goes there. He sits on the swings, and Emori follows, like a ghost, because he didn't explicitly tell her to get lost. There’s something in her that welcomes the darkness in him. She takes it in like it’s nothing more than a cup of tea after a long day, like it’s as easy as picking the lock on his bedroom door.

Twice, she inhales, opens her mouth as if to speak. She doesn’t, and he's grateful. Breathing the night air feels like crying.

“I only woke you up because it sounded like you'd be better off here than in your dream,” she murmurs when the sun breaks through the darkness. How long have they been sitting there? An hour? Two? Three?

“Thank you,” he says, and then the guilt rolls over him.

You will be alone always, and then you will die.

He studies her after she leans her head against the swing’s chain and closes her eyes. Button nose, firm chin, right hand clenched into a fist, left hand-

Oh.

It’s long, covered in dead skin and bloody patches and scars, fingers welded together like pincers. It looks like a tree branch. It looks strong. It looks like her. He feels a strange affection for it, for the little nub on the side of her hand near her pinky, for the rippling muscles at her wrist.

“It’s hideous,” she says without opening her eyes, like she knows what he was thinking, like she’s determined to say the opposite.

He reaches for it, and she lets him lift it up, lips parting in a shaky sigh as he runs his fingers over it. He hates rosebud lips, but not hers. “I wouldn’t cover it up,” he says, and he’s so honest he thinks his head might explode. “I think it’s pretty badass.”

Several things happen at once. The sky gets lighter, and so do her shoulders. She laughs, smiles, eyes crinkling at the edges, turning to liquid amber. “Liar,” she says, but she’s still laughing.

He can make someone happy.

“It’s not all you are,” he tells her, echoing Raven, echoing Luna, echoing the shrink he went to see all of once before he found better absolution at the bottom of a bottle.

“It’s all they see,” she replies, eyelids fluttering. The faint arch of a tattoo curls over her cheek, her nose, her brow. Was that always there? He can’t remember. He lives in a fever dream, one foot in the present, the other in a dusty bedroom.

“It’s not all I see,” he says. He sees life, a girl without scars, so soft and hard at the same time. He wants to ask her about prison, about life before and life after. He wants to know if she still wakes up in chains.

She opens her eyes, looks up at him. He imagines she’s leaning against his shoulder. He pretends her warmth is spreading through him, filling him. “I guess you’d better keep an eye on me then.”

He smirks at that, and the fever dream feeling disappears. It’s him and her, and she did have that tattoo last night, only he hadn’t noticed. The birds are chirping, and he sees Octavia’s light on across the street.

He’s so tired. His shoulders slump. He leans his head against the chain again and closes his eyes.

“Let’s go,” she says, standing, boots scuffing the dirt. He doesn’t let go of her hand until they walk through the door.

“You left it unlocked,” Raven says, not looking at her, looking at him.

Murphy ignores her and climbs the stairs. He collapses into bed, shoes on, and waits for Emori to leave.

“I locked that door,” he remembers aloud. “How did you-”

She smirks with a quirk of her brow. “I picked the lock.”

She leaves, locks the door behind her. He throws his arm over his eyes and breathes deeply. It’s a long time before he sleeps.

#bombshellsandbluebells #lindseysfandoms #maskingtapepoetree #dailymemori #memorifics #litany fic #memori fanfic #yup here I am i need to chill

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alphacrone · 7 years

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bitty dates anonther falconer au

so the graduation kiss doesn’t happen

and bitty tries to move on and jack goes onto join the falconers

and there’s some falcs family get-together early on in the pre-season and bob and alicia can’t make it for Reasons

so jack invites his other family

which -- is sort of a terrible idea bc Tater’s flying solo so he adopts Ransom and Holster and shenanigans happen immediately

(think Tater and Bitty doing lifts on the ice but with ransom and holster and alcohol)

and shitty’s hanging all over jack because they haven’t seen each other in weeks and he introduces himself to everyone as jack’s brother -- “but not like a lame- ass biological brother, a brother of the heart” -- and lardo’s somehow got all these falcs rookies following her around like little ducklings

so bits is kind of off by himself, hovering near the refreshments to monitor which pies are most popular

(he might be distancing himself from jack on purpose. he might be trying to move on. it might be really hard.)

one of the rookies (is it poots? probably) comes up to grab a HUGE ASS slice from the peach pie and makes really inappropriate noises while shoveling it down

“dude this shit is SO GOOD,” he says, then realizes he’s talking to a really cute guy and tries to remember what manners are. “um, hey, i’m ian”

“b- eric. and thank you, i worked hard on that pie”

and ian’s all DUDE NO SHIT REALLY and, again, remembers he’s talking to a really cute guy who probably is attracted to normal human beings and adds, “so, you here with zimmermann’s crew?”

and b’s all, “yeah, jack’s one of my best friends, we were so excited he asked us to come, blah blah blah”

so meanwhile jack’s been feeling weird all afternoon and it’s not just because shitty’s been forced to keep his clothes on. he realizes, sort of belatedly, it’s because he’s barely seen bittle all day. he doesn’t Like That.

jack drops shitty off with lardo (who is regaling all these wide-eyed teenage guys with stories of her kegster victories while george looks on, impressed)

and he wanders over to find bittle in stitches as ian tells him some story from juniors

and jack’s not jealous. why would he be? bittle makes friends the way other people breathe -- constantly and naturally. jack is a little sad bittle would rather talk to some rando than him, but he tries not to think about that.

the samwell crew crashes at jack’s “’swawesome bachelor pad” that night, shitty in jack’s bed, bitty and lardo in the guest room, ransom and holster on the pull-out in the living room

except- shitty disappears early on into the evening and bittle slips into jack’s room before midnight, incredibly cranky, and flops onto the empty side of jack’s bed, half-asleep

“i’ve been sexiled,” he grumbles, shoving his phone onto the bedside table and sighing loudly. “burn your guest room sheets in the morning.”

jack laughs and turns over to face bittle, whose eyes keep fluttering open and shut, nose scrunched up in annoyance. it’s the cutest fucking thing jack’s ever seen.

bittle’s phone lights up and bittle grabs at it blindly, huffing in laughter as he reads the message.

“ian,” he clarifies, when jack asks who would be texting him at this hour. “we exchanged numbers before he went home”

again, nothing jack should be jealous of. he and bittle text all the time. but they had to build up to that, when they first actually became friends, texting only for class- and practice-related things, then when bittle was drunk, then on roadies when they were at separate ends of the bus, eventually reaching their best friend-level of texting-

jack wasn’t jealous that a stranger was already at the midnight-texting friendship level with bittle. why would he be jealous?

before he can ask about it, though, bittle’s asleep, on top of the covers and clutching his phone. jack bites his lip and sets bittle’s phone aside and very, very carefully pulls the throw blanket from down by his feet over bittle, so he doesn’t get cold in the middle of the night.

in the morning, when the samwell crew leaves, jack hugs bittle just a little tighter than normal, a little bit longer. he’s not sure why. it just feels right.

so flash forward, and bittle starts coming down to providence pretty frequently. sometimes it’s to visit a cousin at brown (freshman, right outta georgia, not adapting as quickly as bittle did, needs a familiar face every now and then) and sometimes it’s to visit jack. he hangs out with ian quite a bit, which jack thinks is weird and isn’t jealous of at all.

but he loves having bittle around, no matter the reason, so jack doesn’t look this gift horse too closely in the mouth.

towards the end of the semester, bittle starts to get really stressed-looking. jack doesn’t see him as much, as busy as they both are, but he texts bittle constantly with little reminders throughout the day: drink plenty of water, try to get a little sleep, ransom does yoga at the fitness center on wednesdays you should join him, take a break from baking to go over your flashcards, call me if you want me to quiz you on french i’m free for a bit, etc. etc.

there’s one evening in particular where jack’s getting off the plane after a series of away games and ian’s listening to an upset voicemail from bittle and is visibly upset himself.

and jack can hear him saying something like “eric, please talk to me... can i come down tomorrow? i think we need to talk.”

and, still visibly upset, ian gets in his car to go home and jack gets in his to do the same but he- he can’t stop thinking about bittle. bittle never gets upset enough about anything to call someone. ever.

so jack “110% even at friendship” zimmermann speeds up to samwell and sneaks into the (unlocked) haus, dripping wet, and knocks quietly on bittle’s door.

and bittle is fucking floored and jack’s only real explanation was “ian said you were upset about something” and he’s absolutely tackled into a full-on bittle bear hug. (tiny bear hug. koala bear hug)

(and lord is jack making it hard not to be in love with him.)

he still crashes in bittle bed that night, in a pair of holster’s sweatpants bittle stole from the laundry, and bittle doesn’t tell him specifically what’s wrong but he cries a little, mostly over jack being there, and falls asleep with his head on jack’s shoulder so jack thinks he probably did something right.

and then.

he and bittle are hanging out one evening not long after that and there’s a knock on the door and it’s ian and, okay, jack likes the guy, he’s a team player and works really hard, even if he isn’t the most skilled rookie, but this is jack’s time with bittle, why is he here?

but bittle suddenly has this really nervous look on his face and ian is practically shaking and they sit down on the couch next to jack and ian says, “s-so, um, jack. me and eric- we’re um. we’re dating. have been for a while. we wanted you to be the first to know, knew we could trust you with this.”

and OH. jack’s sort of thrown for a loop, so it takes him a minute to respond, and ian’s getting paler and paler and bittle looks like he’s going to bite through his own lip and jack manages to say something supportive and bland, just to get bittle to smile in relief.

and he is supportive. he’s always been supportive of bittle’s dating misadventures. and he understands why they’ve kept it a secret it all semester, even if it’s clearly the thing that upset bittle so much.

but he’s also jealous. and it’s pretty hard to deny any more. but ian’s a decent dude and clearly cares about bittle so jack tries to tamp down those ugly feelings and claps them both on the back and thanks them for trusting him.

ian chooses not to come out to any other falcs only george. he’s mostly friends with the other rookies and they’re all young and cocky and...well, the ones making most of the questionable jokes in the locker room.

(i imagine there’s a fun moment when ian’s coming out to george where she’s all “oh, bittle? speedy little guy” and ian has no idea Why or How she knows that until he remembers that she would’ve watched his boyfriend’s tapes pretty closely while recruiting zimmboni)

(i also imagine a SUPER FUN moment when he comes out to her where he sort of chokes on his words and accidentally says “i’m dating zimmermann...’s friend, eric” and for a terrifying second george has to prepare herself for two of her boys dating each other)

and because ian doesn’t know the samwell crew, bittle doesn’t tell them about it at all. jack is his only friend with whom he can talk about ian.

so jack hears it all, the good, the bad. (luckily, not the gory details. southern gentlemen do not [REDACTED] and tell)

in the spring, things seem to get worse between ian and bittle. they’re both busier and there’s a lot of phone tag and missed connections and jack can see ian getting visibly frustrated with it. there are a few times he sees ian, when they’re out with the guys, straight-up declining bittle’s calls.

he tries to stay out of it. jack’s an adult, he doesn’t meddle or intervene in other people’s business. but. but. this is bittle. bittle’s happiness is more important to jack than almost anything.

(and wow that’s a lot for a guy who only recently realized he wanted to be bittle’s secret NHL boyfriend. but he’s an all-in kind of guy.)

around february (valentine’s day??) they have two off days in a row and jack’s pretty exhausted so he opts to spend it on his couch with microwaved pad thai and netflix documentaries. that is, until there’s a knock on his door.

and bittle’s there, tears on his cheeks, looking smaller and more vulnerable than jack’s ever seen him, babbling on and on incoherently. jack ushers him in and gets him tissues and a beer and manages to put together that ian broke up with bittle.

(which??? what a fucking idiot??? who even does that?? he’s bittle???)

and jack more or less says that. “why would he break up with you?” he genuinely asks. “you’re amazing.”

and bittle cries again and says something about the stress of hiding their relationship and not making their schedules line up and all jack can think is that if he had the chance with bittle, he’d do the fucking work to make that relationship solid, to make it work. he’s now rethinking his opinions on ian’s work ethic.

and pretty much jack plies bittle with beer and microwaved food and television and lets him rest his head in jack’s lap and strokes his hair all evening and tells him he’s way too good for ian.

(his mother was in a series of hit teen romances back in her day and jack maybe learned too much about dealing with boys and breakups from watching them as a child.)

part of jack thinks that this breakup will be the end of bittle coming down to providence every free weekend. but it isn’t, and he certainly doesn’t question it the next time bittle shows up at his place rambling on about wanting to check out a new patisserie downtown.

they eat too much and wander around the city talking about everything. that evening they take out indian food for dinner and jack runs through flash cards with bittle, then drives him home in time to join a party going on in their living room.

(jack crashes in bittle’s bed again. but it’s different, now that they’re both single and jack knows he’s in love. but it’s too soon and bittle probably not interested, so he falls asleep watching the rise and falls of bittle’s chest.)

things continue on like this all semester. sometimes jack brings tater to hang out at the haus. sometimes lardo comes with bittle to visit jack. luckily, ian isn’t a star player, so his name isn’t brought up too often around the haus to upset bittle (and how could it when there’s a literal shrine to mashkov being built in the living room, over the TV)

so the falcs are playing [insert team] here during the cup play offs or whatever (lol they play hockey in this comic what?) and jack gets checked mega hard, real bad, there’s blood and shit, definitely a concussion, maybe broken ribs and all that jazz. bad enough that everyone takes a knee and jack’s taken to the hospital.

(is that a thing in hockey? in lacrosse you gotta take a knee when someone’s really hurt but that sounds hard on skates idk)

ANYWAY jack’s out for the game (season?) and like he’s gonna be fine but there’s blood and bitty loses his shit

i’m talking, he’s fucking calling ian to make sure jack’s okay, ian whom he hasn’t spoken to since the breakup. luckily, they’re playing close by (providence? boston? idk how playoffs work, if they play in their home arenas or not) ANYWAY close enough that the samwell crew packs into holster’s mom-van and roadtrips to the hospital

they try to convince the nurses they’re jack’s family but like...no

shitty meets them there and is on the phone with bob, the only person who is at all calm because he knows these types of injuries well

and george is in the lobby and she sees bittle and has heard enough from both jack and ian that she likes the kid and manages to get him back to see jack (without his loud and huge cohort, unfortunately)

and bits cries the moment he sees jack in that hospital bed, even though he’s totally fine, bittle, don’t worry about it, just some cracked ribs and a concu-

he’s cut off by bittle kissing him, more out of relief than anything, because if jack is chirping him then he’s not dying and before bittle can realize what he’s done jack is reaching up and pulling him back in, kissing him as soundly as one with a moderate to severe concussion can.

and so since jack’s out for the rest of playoffs (and the falcs don’t make it much further without their lead scorer) he spends quite a bit of time, um, recuperating in bittle’s bed at samwell, and then in providence as bittle finds a last minute internship there for the summer.

so it starts about a year later, but it’s still the zimbits we know and love. but they’re a little more prepared. (jack has a fucking gameplan, based on everything that went wrong with ian. he’s got schedules for their skype dates. he’s ready to make this thing work forever)

(and it does.)

#zimbits #check please!#otp: hit me like a ray of sun #anna writes things

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grammarkid · 7 years

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can you rant about Jennifer's body plz? I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on it

oh, my dude.. my dude, ur rly gonna regret asking me this. like, i legit wrote a paper on this film. i analyzed it for a month straight and did research. for ur own sake, i’m so sry. for everyone else, i’m gonna put it under a cut, bc.. it’s a lot.

ok, i just want to preface this by saying that i know that the movie is objectively just bad. tbh, the writing is terrible, and diablo cody? thought she could tap into the hip cool teen lingo™️? but she was rly just pulling words out of her ass, so i always get torn between finding the dialogue laughable and cringe-worthy.

but i love the movie to death and i actually got the chance to write a big paper about it in college. long story short, i took this english/social studies class that was all about monsters – vampires, werewolves, zombies, cyborgs, etc. – and how they were representations of society’s fear of those who transgress social norms. so, basically we spent an entire semester studying ‘monster culture,’ a way of reading texts that parses the social anxieties from within their monster stories, bc the word ‘monster’ comes from the latin ‘monstrum,’ which literally means “that which reveals or warns.” so in monster theory, a monster always signifies something other than itself. & our final assignment was to analyze a monster film that we hadn’t discussed in class and explain the issues behind the film’s monster – but i won’t get into all that, bc that’s kind of a diff story.

but without going into all the social anxiety stuff about teenage sexuality, simply put, the film is an allegory for the ways in which sexuality and one’s self-esteem are intertwined. literally, jennifer gets turned into a demon, and the only way she can remain healthy and beautiful is to kill/feed off the guys at her school – but, rly, the story behind that is about jennifer’s insecurities.

listen. jennifer slept with a lot of guys, even before she was transformed into a demon. needy said that jennifer lost her virginity in junior high. did u know that adolescents who have sex earlier are more likely to be depressed and to have issues with their self-esteem? (i told u, i did the research.) and teens with high levels of “sexual permissiveness” are often low in self-esteem in comparison to those who abstain. (no judgment at all, that’s just what the studies say. and let’s talk about the word ‘permissiveness’ here – it’s explicitly stated that jennifer’s already done anal. i’d say that’s permissive for a teenager.) and studies have also found that ppl who do participate in sex will often experience a temporary boost in self-esteem afterward, bc it makes them feel desirable – shocking!!

so, ok, the point is, what jennifer does with boys after she becomes a demon is rly not that different from what she did with boys before she was a demon – she uses them to improve her self-image. (the only difference now being that she.. u know.. kinda eats them.) bc as confident and pretty as jennifer is, she has a lot of problems with her self-image. she’s peppy and vivacious whenever she looks pretty, but rude and mean when she feels ugly. & like, the biggest fuckin’ insult needy could use against her was that she was insecure?? literally nothing else that needy said had any effect on her, but she rly cracked when needy accused her of being insecure. i mean, she literally starts crying as she’s putting on her makeup for the winter formal bc she can see herself in the mirror and she’s ugly, and the only way she can fix that is to, u know, eat a guy – and it’s not just any guy, ok? she’s not just going around murdering the random 65y/o dude in the mcdonald’s drive-thru or the lady running the convenience store. they’re all young guys, around her age, who very obviously find her attractive.

hmm. deteriorating demon eats boys who are attracted to her to regain beauty vs. human teenage girl with deteriorating self-worth and self-esteem sleeps with boys who are attracted to her to feel beautiful again. and uh let’s not forget that girls who regularly use guys are often called ‘man eaters.’ like, it literally could not be more obvious?? yet so many ppl i’ve talked to about it are oblivious.

but the thing that rly gets me about this movie? it’s the relationship between jen and needy. and i’m not just talking about the fact that they made out in bed for thirty seconds – although that does play a factor. i’m talking about how the film is rly an exploration of how these issues literally destroy their relationship.

bc jennifer is detrimentally obsessed with being pretty and popular and ‘socially relevant’ but she can’t let go of needy. needy even says that it’s to the point that kids at their school literally can’t understand why jen hangs out with her?? and i think that reason is pretty obvious.

like, ppl have their opinions, but i feel like there is clearly something between jennifer and needy beyond just friendship? jennifer is constantly sizing needy up, flirting with her, touching her, etc. jennifer even says that they used to play ‘boyfriend-girlfriend’ when they were younger. like, idk, that doesn’t seem like something friends do to me?? & it definitely doesn’t seem like something needy would suggest. no, that had to have been jennifer’s idea. but why? bc she has feelings for needy. hint: jennifer didn’t go after anyone in the film other than ppl she could use to her advantage – she explicitly mentions wanting to sleep with ahmet, jonas is the quarterback so ofc sleeping with him would be a boost to her esteem, colin asked her out on a date despite her lackluster appearance, and she also mentioned finding chip attractive. (if she could get him to choose her despite his loyalty to needy, wouldn’t that be a rush? why do u think she was so adamant when she said ‘tell me i’m better than needy’??) she doesn’t even attempt to approach anyone else in that way except needy. immediately after jennifer’s transformation, she goes back to needy. she’s the first person jennifer thinks of, and the first person we see jennifer approach in that way. and the scene definitely isn’t lacking sexual tension?? but ultimately it just suggests that needy could, in fact, give jennifer the same thing she got from the boys – i would even go so far as to say that, as a whole, the film suggests that needy is the only one who could give her that – but she can’t bring herself to do it. she cares too much about her to hurt her, to use her like that, and she even admits that later in needy’s bedroom. she literally says “i couldn’t hurt you.”

like omg the real tragedy of the movie is that needy and jen are torn apart by their missed opportunities. they’re constantly reaching out for one another, but they’re never in sync. after jen’s transformation, needy tries to be there for her, asks her questions, wants to be sure she’s okay, but jen can’t let her in bc she can’t even cope with the truth herself. after she kills colin, jen goes to needy’s room and tells her what happened to her bc it’s taking its toll on her and she’s desperate for needy’s support and validation, but needy is already convinced that she’s evil and her aggressive questions make jennifer retract. and without needy, jennifer has nothing. that’s why she goes after chip, bc it will hurt needy the same way needy hurt her. & personally, i don’t think jennifer was ever truly attracted to chip – i think she was attracted to his loyalty. & she was jealous of needy’s relationship with him bc it was steady and respectful and jen had no way of obtaining that for herself. and at that point in the film, she’s got nothing left to lose. honestly, like, with the others? jen didn’t hesitate. she made out with them and tore them apart at the first available opportunity. with chip? she took him to the pool and they just.. fucking sat there?? she tells him “i feel so empty” and yea most ppl probably take that to mean that she’s hungry, but if she was starving, then she’d just have her way with chip and be done with it, wouldn’t she? but she didn’t want to. she feels empty bc it’s all catching up to her and she doesn’t even have needy to help her through it. needy pushed her away.

which is why i personally think that jennifer looks her absolute worst in the final scene with needy in her bedroom. she fed a bit off chip, obv, bc it was enough to kill him, and enough to completely heal the giant gaping hole in her stomach – which she plainly says to needy only happens ‘when she’s full.’ and yet she’s still so ugly. her skin is pale and her eyes are yellow and bloodshot, why? bc her physical state is a literal representation of her self-image and she feels terrible about herself so she looks terrible. ok, another hint: immediately after jen dies? she’s beautiful again. you literally watch it happen. & yeah, bc the film is about demons and the occult, u could say that the demon left her body, blah blah, but i think she becomes beautiful again bc that’s what she looks like when it’s not being distorted through the lens of her own self-view. all her insecurities aren’t killing her anymore, bc there’s nothing left. (and, just one last note about this final scene. what allows needy to kill jen? she tears off her bff necklace. and then jen literally loses all her power. she falls out of midair. it’s like everything stops, bc she still wore the necklace, she was still holding on to needy, even tho needy pushed her away. that was the last thing holding her together and needy took that too. and i think, rly, that’s what ultimately killed her. sure, the boxcutter had something to do with it, but there’s a reason that moment took up so much screen time, why it had such an impact, whereas the knife going in and that stupid ass ‘my tit’ line were so rushed in comparison.)

ugh, gosh. ok, i rly need to stop now. all that is already all twisted up and it hardly makes any sense bc i was rushing. i could literally go on for days about this movie, but this has already taken up like an hour of my day?? and i’m sure no one has even read this far anyway. but yeah. i have a lot of feelings about jennifer’s body, because imo it’s rly a tragedy disguised as a horror film.

#r u sry u asked?#i'm p sure u are #i'm also sry i'm such a loser #feel free to unfollow me i'm trash

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qodforsakens · 7 years

Text

QUESTIONNAIRE 4 SUFFERING

Q: WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME ? A: Ashley. Relatively unoriginal, but my mom wanted my middle name to be Blue ( in which case i would have DIED ) Q: HOW OLD ARE YOU ? A: Feel like I’m 12 but I’m almost 20 Q: WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY ? A: March 21st, i’mmA SPRING BABY

Q: WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN ? A: Technically an Aries but ig i’m on the “ Pisces Cusp ” ? dk what that means but my mom told me the other day but i feel as if i’ve cheated astrology stuff lols ?

Q: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR ? A: I don’t really have one, but I like the color pink a lot so maybe pink

Q: WHAT’S YOUR LUCKY NUMBER ? A: Lucky who ?

Q: DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS ? A: Three ! Bailey, Dana and Melvin.

Q: WHERE ARE YOU FROM ? A: Everywhere ? Born in Missoula, Montana / raised in Wisconsin until I was around 12 / went to school in Montana until I was a sophomore / went for a semester of school during sophomore year in Wild Rose, Wisconsin / moved back to a quaint Deer Lodge, Montana until the end of my junior year / moved to Hudson, Wisconsin my senior year of HS and lived there until July 31st / living in the Shithole that is Mondovi, Wisconsin.

Q: HOW TALL ARE YOU ? A: 5′5 3/4″. The 3/4″ is important to note because I’m NEARLY 5′6″ and most everyone in my family is around 6′. I’m dead inside

Q: WHAT SHOE SIZE ARE YOU ? A: Technically a 9.5 but the size varies by brand.

Q: HOW MANY PAIRS OF SHOES DO YOU OWN ? A: Probably nine, but I hardly wear any of them because I work at the fucking time

Q: WHAT WAS YOUR LAST DREAM ABOUT ? A: I remember that I had ANOTHER dream with u in it but I didn’t remember enough about it that it was worth sharing ? But I did wake up feeling like all of my problems were gone so it was a positive dream

Q: WHAT TALENTS DO YOU HAVE ? A: I can learn songs from musicals in no time.

Q: ARE YOU PSYCHIC IN ANY WAY ? A: No, next question

Q: FAVORITE SONG ? A: My favorite song is either You and I ( Lady Gaga, Born This Way ) or The Cure ( also Gaga, current single )

Q: FAVORITE MOVIE ? A: RENT. Hands down my favorite movie of all time. I could watch it on a loop tbh

Q: WHO WOULD BE YOUR IDEAL PARTNER ? A: Someone who understood that I’m really fucking depressive all the time, like, grossly depressive ? I can joke abt wanting to kill myself 500 times and not mean it, but other times I do and I wish ! ppl could read minds bc having to tell someone that I’m depressed makes me hurt worse bc I feel like a Disappointment

Q: DO YOU WANT CHILDREN ? A: I’m not sure if I do. I mean, at nineteen ? No fucking way. In ten years ? Maybe, I’m thinking yes, but to be decided obviously

Q: DO YOU WANT A CHURCH WEDDING ? A: Probably, but not because I’m religious

Q: ARE YOU RELIGIOUS ? A: I don’t follow any religion, but when I’m scared I repeat, “ i believe in God. ” until my freight vanishes

Q: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO THE HOSPITAL ? A: A few times. Three were the most serious. Broke my wrist, caught Lymes Disease via nasty-ass deer ticks and had a concussion from cheer.

Q: HAVE YOU EVER GOT IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW ? A: Once, and it actually wasn’t my fault. I was, hello, gay-baited and naive, and the gal that gay-baited me told me that it was LEGAL to spray paint. Because it was Montana, I didn’t get into much trouble but was supposed to go to a local courthouse to clear up w/e had happened which never occurred bc not even a month later were we moving to Wisconsin

Q: HAVE YOU EVER MET ANY CELEBRITIES ? A: One but he’s gross so : /

Q: BATHS OR SHOWERS ? A: Showers but only if I don’t have bath bombs to use

Q: WHAT COLOR SOCKS ARE YOU WEARING ? A: Currently none bc I’m in bed and it’s 4:13 a.m.

Q: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN FAMOUS ? A: Thankfully not

Q: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE A BIG CELEBRITY ? A: Maybe a Broadway star or jazz singer but other than that ? Pass

Q: WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE ? A: MOSTLY SHOW TUNES, BUT GAGA / QUEEN / DAVID BOWIE

Q: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SKINNY DIPPING ? A: Don’t have the gall to tbh

Q: HOW MANY PILLOWS DO YOU SLEEP WITH ? A: I think six ? Too lazy to count rn

Q: WHAT POSITION DO YOU SLEEP IN ? A: I fall asleep laying on my side, facing the wall, with my legs folded like ? behind me but i always wake up laying on my back so

Q: HOW BIG IS YOUR HOUSE ? A: uh average ?

Q: WHAT DO YOU TYPICALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST ? A: I rarely eat which doesn’T show but I sleep and work too much to fit breakfast into an every day schedule

Q: HAVE I EVER FIRED A GUN ? A: My dad is a white male AND a conservative from Montana, u tell me

Q: HAVE YOU TRIED ARCHERY ? A: In high school bc I needed to do it to pass P.E. but it was not my thing

Q: FAVORITE CLEAN WORD ? A: idk if i have one ? i say Mood all the time but that’s not a favorite

Q: FAVORITE SWEAR WORD ? A: Bitchin’

Q: WHAT’S THE LONGEST YOU’VE GONE WITHOUT SLEEP ? A: Around 25-ish hours ? I can’t handle that anymore tho

Q: DO YOU HAVE ANY SCARS ? A: I have a handful of scars on my forehead bc of an Incident in kindergarten, a scar on my left earlobe bc a dog almost ripped my fucking earlobe off and one on my right big toe due to my brother not telling me abt the glass he broke and didn’t clean up : ) that one cut to the bone : ) and a few on my left arm lols

Q: Have you ever had a secret admirer ? A: Not attractive enough tbh

Q: ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR ? A: I don’t lie on per the norm so no. I smile too much tbh

Q: ARE YOU A GOOD JUDGE OF CHARACTER ? A: Usually not.

Q: CAN YOU DO ANY OTHER ACCENTS OTHER THAN YOUR OWN ? A: I can slip into accents for .00006 seconds but no one ever hears them

Q: DO YOU HAVE A STRONG ACCENT ? A: God I wish

Q: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ACCENT ? A: Boston / Mass accents.

Q: WHAT IS YOUR PERSONALITY TYPE ? A: This requires me to take a long-ass test n i’m not gna do that rn

Q: WHAT IS YOUR MOST EXPENSIVE PIECE OF CLOTHING ? A: Probably my $70-$80 jeans that are now Ruined

Q: CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE ? A: Mhm

Q: ARE YOU AN INNIE OR AN OUTIE ? A: Innie

Q: LEFT OR RIGHT HANDED ? A: Right

Q: ARE YOU AFRAID OF SPIDERS ? A: Naturally

Q: FAVORITE FOOD ? A: Highkey Gyros

Q: FAVORITE FOREIGN FOOD ? A: GYROS

Q: ARE YOU A CLEAN OR MESSY PERSON ? A: Both : (

Q: MOST USED PHRASE ? A: haHahahA whatta mood !

Q: MOST USED WORD ? A: Mood

Q: HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE FOR YOU TO GET READY ? A: Two hours

Q: DO YOU HAVE MUCH OF AN EGO ? A: Probably best known for forgetting things

Q: DO YOU SUCK OR BITE LOLLIPOPS ? A: suck eM

Q: DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF ? A: Probably

Q: DO YOU SING TO YOURSELF ? A: All the time

Q: ARE YOU A GOOD SINGER ? A: I’ve been told that I am by a handful of ppl but who knows

Q: BIGGEST FEAR ? A: Drowning, burning to death or being stabbed in either lung bc yiKEs

Q: ARE YOU A GOSSIP ? A: Not necessarily tbh

Q: BEST DRAMATIC MOVIE YOU’VE SEEN ? A: Baby driver but it wasn’t rlly dramatic ?

Q: DO YOU LIKE LONG OR SHORT HAIR ? A: On me, it’s a tie tbh. I love long hair until I have it n then I want it shoRT SO

Q:�� CAN YOU NAME ALL 50 STATES OF AMERICA ? A: If I have a while to think abt them then yes. If not, no

Q: FAVORITE SCHOOL SUBJECT ? A: English / Language

Q: EXTROVERT OR INTROVERT ? A: Intro x100

Q: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SCUBA DIVING ? A: No and I don’t want to

Q: WHAT MAKES YOU NERVOUS ? A: Being honest abt how I feel regardless of context

Q: ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK ? A: I’m the Biggest baby so yes

Q: DO YOU CORRECT PEOPLE WHEN THEY MAKE MISTAKES ? A: Not verbally bc I wasn’t raised in the jungle

Q: ARE YOU TICKLISH ? A: EvERYWHERE

Q: HAVE YOU EVER STARTED A RUMOR ? A: Gross, no

Q: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A POSITION OF AUTHORITY ? A: Once for a hs class assignment but I’m the only one who worked on the project in the long-run

Q: HAVE YOU EVER DRANK UNDERAGE ? A: mhm

Q: HAVE YOU EVER DONE DRUGS ? A: Only smoked weed tbh

Q: WHO WAS YOUR FIRST REAL CRUSH ? A: My kindergarten boyfriend, how the turntables

Q: HOW MANY PIERCINGS DO YOU HAVE ? A: Eleven

Q: CAN YOU ROLL YOUR Rs ? A: Barely !

Q: HOW FAST CAN YOU TYPE ? A: Pretty fast, idk the wpm tho

Q: HOW FAST CAN YOU RUN ? A: What is this, middle school ?

Q: WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HAIR ? A: Bleached bitch

Q: WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES ? A: Brown

Q: WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ? A: Cats, unfortunately

Q: DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL ? A: I don’t but should

Q: WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS DO ? A: My dad is a licensed Electrician and my mom works at a grocery store

Q: DO YOU LIKE YOUR AGE ? A: I feel 12 yall

Q: WHAT MAKES YOU ANGRY ? A: Being mocked or people bickering with me over something that I’m obviously right about

Q: DO YOU LIKE YOUR OWN NAME ? A: Skye is a shit name tbh, would change it to Liz if my parents wouldn’t freak out about it.

Q: HAVE YOU ALREADY THOUGHT OF BABY NAMES, AND IF SO WHAT ARE THEY ? A: I love feminine / strong / unisex names.

Q: DO YOU WANT A BOY OR GIRL FOR A CHILD ? A: Idk probably either

Q: WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS ? A: Doubting everyone

Q: WHAT ARE YOUR WEAKNESSES ? A: Assuming the worst of ppl

Q: HOW DID YOU GET YOUR NAME ? A: Well, my mom wrote a list of names on a sheet of paper and my dad liked Skye so here we are. I was almost a Chloe / Mercedes / Samantha.

Q: WERE YOUR ANCESTORS ROYALTY ? A: Obviously not

Q: COLOR OF YOUR BEDSPREAD ? A: Black ONLY because my main sheets had been washed recently and I haven’t changed back

Q: COLOR OF YOUR ROOM ? A: Yellow but not by choice

And the meme is from HERE. Tagging @heartcraves but u genuinely don’t have to do this bc it took me almost two hours so please spare yourself

#personal tbt.#i wanted to stop @ question 19 but here we are #this Goes to my mom who says i haVE NO FOLLOW THRU

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fraldarrius · 7 years

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Honestly youre so brave for prioritizing yourself over school??? (Its sad that our society made so that thats a thing that almost never happens but) i could never do that, i literally almost died because of school stress leading up to graduation and it never once crossed my mind to quit, my family would have never understood. Im sorry that your mom cant see that you did what you had to do but i applaud you for it

it definitely wasn’t an easy decision and it wasn’t even one i willingly made tbh, but looking back i know that it was what had to happen. i remember leaving school at lunch bc i was so full of anxiety that it was literally making me sick and when my mom picked me up, she was so mad bc she hated when i made her leave work to pick me up early yknow? which is understandable and all. and i remember i just sat there and let her rant bc i was just so tired that i couldn’t even try to defend myself, i just wanted to go home and go to bed. and then later that night when she got home from work, i told her i just couldn’t do it anymore and i think when she saw my face she finally understood for the first (and maybe only) time just how bad my mental state was, bc she was really nice about it. my dad was a different story, but i’d rather not get into that one tbh.

for the first week my mom did her best not to push me but then she told me one morning that she’d set up a meeting with the school and that we had to go talk to the vice principal and guidance counselor about what was happening. they already knew i had a lot going on in my head bc in the second semester of my junior year, i’d actually had to drop 4/5 classes bc of basically the same situation. the one class i’d continued to go to then was english, bc as long as i did that, then i’d still graduate on time as long as i got 9 credits the next year (so like? that sounded doable to me then). but with only 3 months left till graduation, there wasn’t really anything anyone could do. they tried to set it up so that i’d go to school in a separate classroom on my own and teach myself the material, but i only made it through one day of that and knew i couldn’t do that, either. then they tried to set up online schooling for me in the fall, but i was still so depressed at that point that i couldn’t make myself do the work, so that didn’t work out either

i just remember being so angry with myself then tbh. i was so angry at myself all the time, mainly bc i couldn’t help but think that if i hadn’t dropped those 4 classes in my junior year, i still would’ve had enough credits to graduate even if i’d still quit when i did (all i was missing in the end was 4 credits since i got 5 from the first semester of senior year). but i’m starting to accept now that being angry at myself about that is pointless, bc it’s something that couldn’t be helped. i’ve started to remind myself that i did all i could at the time, and i hope that someday, those reminders will be enough to maybe help me get over it completely. because i’m so, so tired of feeling like a failure, y'know? it’s hard not to, but someday, i think i’ll be able to put it all behind me. life goes on regardless of the setbacks along the way, so i just need to let it take me where it takes me i guess. and i hope that one day, my mom will come around, but even if she doesn’t, i won’t let it stop me from doing my best to heal.

anyway, thank you so much for your kind message ❤ it’s nice to hear stuff like that from other people, especially when our society tells you that you’re nothing without a high school diploma. and i’m so sorry that you had to suffer because of that, it makes me so sad that you had to go through what you did. but you’re so, so strong for making it through that, i hope you know that! just take care of yourself now, okay? you deserve it ❤

#you're amazing anon ❤#anon #sarah answers shit

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youngerdrgrey · 7 years

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okay but shouldn’t we be the epicenter? // a Dear White People fic, part 1

full title: *lionel voice* okay but shouldn’t /we/ be the epicenter of black life on this campus?

chapter title: shouldn’t we be (idk) calling out our friends?

or, a further exploration into these black lives on Winchester’s campus, making my way through the season for further depth and hilarity

about: what happens when Defamation ends and Jo pauses in her screaming with her heart still racing to go and get her boy. Or, the time Jo calls out Reggie for letting his jealousy get the best of him on a sacred night.

references include Scandal, Orange is the New Black and the completely unnecessary fucked up death that I will never forgive them for, the 100 and the death that I don’t have an opinion on bc I never watched that show, and casual use of both dicktamized and heedlessly in the same sentence #codeswitching

+ this chapter takes place at the end of episode one; read on ao3?

Honestly, even the Defamation live tweets coming from AP got interrupted today so people could throw in their two cents about Sam, Reggie, and the white boy coming between them and the movement. And it’s not like Joelle would normally care that much about the gossip. Everyone on campus knows that race relations at Winchester are like the pre-teen child Sam and Reggie adopted just when a group home or juvie were closing in on ‘em. But there’s a difference between the normal talk about Jo’s friends and the talk tonight. Normally it’s just a few direct tweets, but tonight, half her timeline’s subtweets about just whip it out already #nottalkingDefamation or #loveitwhen bae meets activist!bae for the first time or just a simple *Crazy Eyes voice* swiiirl swirl swiiiirl swirl. So fine, Jo can’t even scroll through her timeline without having to address this, so she needs to address it in person. Even if all she can do is snap at Reggie about growing the fuck up.

She gets out her chair to stalk over to him at his. “You couldn’t wait, could you?”

Reggie peers up at her, still too deep into his feigned nonchalance to lift his legs back off the arm rest. As if she doesn’t deserve the full extent of his energy, or a head to head showdown. Honestly, his mind’s probably still on whatever ‘girl you better watch’ text he just sent Sam about the end of the episode. He flips his phone onto his stomach without even killing the screen.

“Wait for what?”

To whip his fucking dick out and wave it in Gabe’s face. Seriously, what’s with that impulse in guys? Jo’s not out here in booty shorts and bandeaus to prove she’s got more going on than Sam does. (Not that she does. Not that it’s a competition. She’s not competing with her best friend; she’s merely pointing out that she doesn’t have the same need to constantly battle anyone that her crush is into.)

(( Not that it’s much of a competition anyway. Guys always go for girls like Sam, don’t they? Girls who don’t really have to try to summon all the light in the room and can go on without necessarily having to know what it’s like to be black in ‘post-racial’ America. ))

((( Sam knows what it’s like. She knows what her experience is like, anyway, and Jo’s really not trying to get too deep into the whole color-ism of it all. European beauty standards are bullshit and forced on everyone. Jo’s got a banging body that works for a lot of guys who might not want to fully claim her, but she’s not all too interested in guys who unironically use ‘females’ to describe women and call her Queen before they ever even think to ask her name. )))

(((( Wait, what was the point again? ))))

Reggie cocks his head to the side. Assured and righteous as he normally is. But he’s the one in the wrong right now. The one pouncing instead of giving Gabe two seconds to try being in their lives.

“Come on, Reg. He—“ and Reggie groans and rolls his eyes immediately, so Jo just talks louder “—he was here for all of two minutes before you jumped down his throat to make sure everyone in the room could see how down he was.”

Reggie nearly snorts, singing lightly, “‘He ain’t really down.” But it’s Reggie playing those games you do, not Gabe. Reggie throwing his name in the Goblet of Fire for no fucking purpose but to run into the maze and get spat back out for doing it. “Come on. Not even a chuckle? You love old house music.”

She also loves getting to enjoy her hate-watch without being constantly reminded of their stupid relationship drama. “Be serious. I’m not happy either, but you don’t see me picking fights during Defamation.”

He shrugs. “You would if you weren’t so busy snapping at everything Olive does."

“Not everything.” Olive could literally control the whole world if she wanted to, but she keeps on going back to that trash ass president she put in the oval. Plus, the shit they do in there? Five seasons in, there’s probably permanent grooves on the rug that her knees put there. Which, whatever, but it’s been years, and Olive won’t leave someone who’s no good for her. “She needs to wise up, and so do you. Jumping all around the point.”

Reggie sits up so straight his shoulders level out. The steel in his eyes snags the light from the TV while his jaw locks up for a beat. “What’s your point then, Jo?” He asks as if he doesn’t already know.

Everybody on this campus knows how Reggie feels about Sam. Including Sam, on some level; she’s just somehow deluded herself into thinking that Reggie only wants her mind, or her activism, or a partner in the movement. But Reggie’s been into every piece of Sam since she still had a relaxer and shared a room with Coco Conners. He’s been trailing after her since the first time she spoke up in class freshman year, and if Jo has to hear about how Sam was like a blacktivist Hermione Granger one more time, she will Obliviate herself, him, and anyone else who’s had to listen to it. But none of that knowledge changes anything. None of that brings what’s been subtext to the forefront quite like this does.

“Sam brought him here on Defamation night. She’s serious about this.” Serious enough that she didn’t tell either of them. And Jo’s not quite sure if Sam’s ashamed of his whiteness or their unapologetic blackness or maybe just that she got dicktamized into a relationship with the very sort of guy she normally mocks heedlessly, but here they all are. “I mean, we’ve supported her through worse.”

“Like what?”

Like the time she single-handedly tried responding to every single person who justified Poussey’s death in Orange is the New Black, dedicating a whole episode of DWP to debunking its use in the narrative. (It’s still a great episode, complete with gems like, “Dear white people, if you fix your mouth one more time to tell me why Poussey’s death was okay but you’re still crying over Lexa from The 100, I honestly don’t have the time to deal with you.” Top ratings, top notch, though it led to some serious rifts within the LGBTQ community on campus.)

Or the time she dated Troy. She planned yacht trips over rallies and acted like Jo and Reggie were both in the wrong for wondering if everything with them was just some dalliance in danger, like a pre-approved trek through the blackness of Sam’s identity before settling in to a non-confrontational future. But even then, Troy was the heir to respectability at Winchester, the crowned prince of how to be the right kind of negro who everyone can rally behind when something goes south and they wind up dead. He couldn’t so much as choose a cereal without his dad’s approval, so Sam and him were never gonna last. Not at this part of her life anyway.

“Just — Sam’s no Olive, Reg.” She won’t be with Picture Frame Gabe more than a few months, not when his true politics start coming out. He might be ready on paper to be part of this, but nobody understands the work until they’re in it. “She won’t choose some white boy over everything else she cares about.” Sam loves them.

Reggie leans up so his chest meets his knees at the armrest. It puts him at her level for the first time this conversation. He asks her, “You sure about that?"

Sam helped Jo take out her braids the night her Hulu trial ended and all they had were YouTube videos for filler. Sam missed her own midterm for psych last semester to help Reggie study for his midterm in poli sci. (Never mind the fact that Sam’s psych class dropped the lowest midterm score; the girl needed the points with the number of events that she kept scheduling during that class.) Sam’s their girl, for more than the movement and for nothing less than life. And if Jo has to fight against the need to widen her eyes and has to run these memories through her mind to convince herself that all of that still matters, then she’s not going to tell him.

“How can you not be?” she asks. Sam’s not going anywhere, even if Jo has to hold her down herself. Friends don’t let friends fuck the president. (And friends, real friends, tell you if they are, don’t they? Real friends let you in on the stuff they’re ashamed about, or wondering about, because if they don’t talk about it, then it’s not real, and if you’re not the one they go to, then maybe your whole friendship was just one of convenience. Maybe it’s high school all over again and the fact that your friends now are cool black kids instead of cool white ones doesn’t actually make a difference. Maybe you’re nothing more than the Coco of junior year.) “I’ll talk to her. Can you just hold off on vilifying her boy until then?”

Reggie plucks at a thread on the seam of his pants. “‘Her boy.’” He yanks the thread a little too hard, but it doesn’t go anywhere. Just leaves him with his fist clenched in the air over nothing. “He said, ‘it’s not worth it,’ then left.” Back in that fight? Seriously? Reggie glances up at Jo again. “He mean her when he say that?”

Because that’s what actually eats at Reggie, isn’t it? That someone on this planet could see his almighty love Samantha White and think she’s anything less than pure perfection.

“Of course not.” Everyone loves Sam; it’s them that everyone else seems unsure about. Because Reggie’s smart and brilliant, but he’s millitant in a way that can chafe at people who want to just enjoy themselves. And most people don’t know that he’ll talk shit for two seconds about the lives they’re ignoring by binge-watching The Get Down all day but that he’ll give himself over to it just a few minutes later. Or that he hasn’t missed a single night of Defamation since the first time Jo dragged him along after Open Mic let out two seasons ago. “Gabe just meant fighting you wasn’t worth sticking around tonight.” She swats a hand at his knee, batting at him as playfully as she can get. As casually as she can make this right now. “Good thing too. You too damn stubborn to ever stop.”

Reggie grins, but his eyes still have this shade over them. His brow crinkles while his nose scrunches up. He’s probably wondering, is it worth it to keep fighting? Think Sam will ever notice? Think Sam will ever fight for me too? At this point, it’d take an act of either God or the devil to get a reaction out of Sam, and after this blackface party, it sure seems like the devil’s more likely.

Jo swallows that comment down, scans the room to get away from soft eyes that never seem soft just for her. “Now get up. Walk me back to my room.”

He groans, but he pushes up off the chair. Throws his arm around her and tugs her into his side. Her eyes flutter closed, and she gets a whole three seconds of imagining that this could be about them. This could be them. Soft smiles and warm arms wrapped around each other. “You think she’ll ever leave him?” Then he opens his mouth and says that. His voice still comes out a little too heavy. He clears it while she blinks away the three second fantasy. “I mean, the oval’s got to have dents from her knees in the carpet at this point.”

“Oh!” She cackles — quick and bright and like the Defamation flashes are going off inside of her. Olive. Does she think Olive will ever leave the president? Not Sam. They’re finally done talking about Sam. And, okay, seriously, “That’s exactly what I said. Like power to her, get some, but does it have to be with Mr. President?”

“No eyebrows having,” Reggie starts.

“Disrespectful ass,” she continues.

“‘I know what you taste like’ Gerald Grant III.” They shudder together, and if she nestles in closer to his chest on the rest of the walk, they don’t talk about it. Maybe that’s how their little trio works — talk about everything but the big three: how Jo feels about Reggie, how Reggie feels about Sam, and how Sam might not be theirs forever.

Or maybe that’s just post-Defamation overdramatic thinking.

Yeah. (Maybe.)

#dwp #dear white people #dwp series #joelle brooks #reggie green #joelle x reggie #shouldn't we be #mine

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carey-pricemas · 7 years

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I Love You- Miles Wood

Omg I have found a Devils fan!!! YAY!!! Well ok at least a Miles Wood fan. I'll take what I can get. Alright ladies and gents you know the drill, smexy time writing! Enjoy if you read it or the next one will be out soon if you don't read it! Up next is Tom Wilson!

Warning: sex, smexy time, language

Anon Request: Girl I am in need of some nice Miles Wood imagines omg I love your writing so I needed to ask u for this! U two are hanging out at his house and he tells u that he is in love with u and then he kisses u and it gets very very heated. If u don't do smut then u can do fluff thank u!

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"It's your day off. Why aren't we at the beach?" you asked. You had been friends with Miles for years, since your high school days. You had been a teen girl dealing with hormones and bullies and he was the asshole jock who stood up for you against the bullies. You had been inseparable since that third week of freshman year.

You had fallen in love with him by junior year, but he was a player and your best friend.

You were not going there.

So when he got a scholarship to BC for hockey, you packed your bags and went with him. Then the dope signed a deal with the Devil(s) and here he was playing in the NHL.

His dream since he could skate.

You were proud of him and facetimed with him all the time. You saw him when he came to Boston and when you had breaks you went to see him in New Jersey. He wanted you to move down there and pouted every time you told him you would...

...after you finished college.

But here you were on Spring Break and you and Miles were sitting on the couch watching a rerun of a game from last night. It wasn't even his game either.

"We've got the whole day. We'll go this afternoon when the water's warmer."

"But Milesssssssss" you whined, pouting up at him dramatically. "I'm boredddddddd." Miles chuckled.

"You're cute when you pout."

"What?" you asked, your head snapping back in shock. He had never called you cute before.

Pretty? Yes.

Smoking? Of course. This is Miles we're talking about.

But cute?

"Are you doping?" you asked, getting close to his face and looking up his nostrils as if looking for evidence. "Snorting coke?"

"What I can't compliment my bestie?" he asked.

"Dude, you NEVER call me cute" you said. "I would remember."

"So just because I said you were cute, a good description to most people b-t-dubs" he paused, "you automatically assume I'm on drugs."

"What's the other explanation? Hmm?" You paused. "Plus the word you were looking for was adjective." He rolled his eyes. Everyone in high school had known that the only way he passed his classes was because of you.

"Maybe I like you" he said. You laughed, your belly spasming and heart fluttering.

No, you thought to yourself. Do not be fooled because you're the easy lay right now.

"Ok, Romeo." You rolled your eyes and turned your attention back to the TV. You saw him shift out of the corner of your eye, but before you could register anything, his hand grabbed your ponytail and brought your head to his roughly as he pressed his lips against yours. His tongue swept against the seam of your lips, demanding entry. You kept your mouth closed, your head racing to catch up with what was going on.

A sharp pain to your lower lip made you gasp and Miles was in. His tongue danced with yours exploring and teasing. You rested your hands on his chest as his hand worked under your shirt and to your breast, tweaking an already taut nipple.

"Miles" you rasped as he pulled away, his hand remaining firmly in place.

"You have a freckle right above your heart that you hate because guys make fun of you for it. You were 13 when you got your first period and it was during math class. You like salsa on your tacos, but not lettuce. Your dream is to become a kindergarten teacher. You've loved me since we were 17 and I've loved you from the moment we met." You blinked at him

"What?"

"Babe, you've not exactly been subtle about your feelings, but I was an asshole then. I wouldn't let my daughter go out with past me." You pulled away, detaching his hand from your breast.

"So you mean to tell me-"

"I'm not playing around and I'm not arguing with you about this."

"You can't just tell me that we're not talking about this" you demanded. "Why now?"

"(Y/N)" sighed frustrated. "You're driving me crazy! You're all I think about anymore. Every time we talk I get a hard on. I see you in ever girl I try to get with. You're messing with my game!"

"So you're telling me now because...?"

"You're here and I want you to stay here!" he yelled. You blinked up at his angry expression. "I can't keep watching you go back to Boston, to other guys."

"Don't you get it? There are no other guys" you said gently. "You're right. I have been in love with you since we were 17." That's all it took. Miles pressed into you, laying you out on the couch as his mouth took yours in a hard kiss. You moaned, your fingers twisting into his curls as his hands pushed your shirt and bra up in one tug.

"Fuck" Miles muttered, pulling away slightly. "Trust me?" he asked. You nodded and he grinned wickedly. He pulled your fingers from his hair and put both hands above your head. "Keep them there." You nodded and Miles shifted down your body, grabbing both of your breasts in his hands, squeezing them gently. You moaned and wiggled. One of Miles' hands left your breast and gently smacked your hip. "Stay still." You nodded, looking at him. His other hand left your breast and he took your shirt and set it over your eyes. "OK?" You nodded. "Good."

Your back arched off the couch as he suddenly bit down on a nipple, twisting the other one with his fingers. You could feel yourself getting wet quickly as he switched from one nipple to the other. He unsnapped your jeans and you could feel him dip his finger into your underwear. He was almost where you wanted him, when he was suddenly gone. You whimpered.

Suddenly you were off the couch and in the air, a scream coming out as you wrapped yourself around Miles. Your shirt fell back into place letting you see Miles' laughing face.

"Rude" you breathed.

"You love me" he said cockily. You rolled your eyes at him before you leaned forward and kissed him hard, biting down on his lower lip. Miles stumbled and you could feel the cool hardness of the wall against your back. "Fuck romance" he said, pining you to that wall. You laughed throatily. Your laugh turned to a moan as Miles' lips moved to your neck, biting down.

"Miles" you groaned, shifting against him. Miles pulled back, his eyes pitch black. He knelt down and pulled your pants and underwear off, tapping each of your feet in turn for you to lift to step out of the clothes. He used his shoulders to widen your stance.

And then his mouth was right there.

"Oh my god" you breathed as your hands moved to Miles' head, scratching his scalp as his tongue lapped at your clit, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. Miles pulled away and looked up at you, watching as you threw your head back against the wall as his finger entered you. He pulled it all the way out, then added a second finger, pumping. "Miles" you moaned, your hips twisting to meet his fingers. He pulled them out and stood.

"Open" he growled. You opened your mouth and he placed his fingers inside. You moaned and sucked the fingers while one hand moved to his belt.

"Miles" you panted when you released his fingers. He dropped his jeans and boxers to the ground and grabbed the back of your leg, hitching it up and around his waist. "Miles wait."

"I'm clean. You're clean. If I get you pregnant then all the better" he said before sliding his cock into you. You gripped his shoulders and moaned at the feel of him.

It was better than you had fantasized about.

Miles was still for a long while, his forehead pressed against yours.

"I love you" he whispered.

"I love you too" you whispered back. Miles kissed you hard and slowly thrust into you, your hips bucking into his thrusts. You could feel the pleasure building inside of you until Miles reached between you and rubbed his thumb over your clit. You cried out as your orgasm washed over you. Miles continued thrusting into you, increasing your pleasure. "Miles" you whimpered.

"Come on baby. You've got it in you" he whispered. He leaned forward and kissed you and you moaned into his mouth. "Cum baby." You cried out against his mouth as you came a second time, harder. Miles thrust into you again before holding still, cumming inside you. He leaned heavily into you and you clung to him, your head buried in his neck as you both caught your breath. "Move here" he whispered. You kissed his neck.

"After this semester" you whispered back. Miles groaned, but said nothing else. "There's no one else. Never has been."

"I didn't want to get all mushy" he complained. You laughed, your hand combing through his thick curls.

"You told me you loved me. You knew I was bound to get mushy." Miles rolled his eyes. His hand pat the back of your other knee.

"Hop" he said. You gave him a weird look. "I'm serious. Hop." You rolled your eyes but did what he asked. Miles caught you and you wrapped your arms and legs around him, holding on as he walked you the rest of the way to the bedroom. He flopped back onto the bed and rolled you both onto your sides. He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. "Fine if we're going to get mushy, then I have something to say." You bit your lip and nodded. Miles ran a finger over the lip, staying silent for a moment. "I don't like not being there if you need me. I don't like that I'm not there to protect you or make you smile. And I don't like that you're not here for me when we have a shitty game, which is pretty often."

"I know, but I'm over halfway through the semester. The second I take my last final, my butt will be back here in Jersey." He kissed your nose.

"It better be!" You pecked his mouth. "Now, I have a better way to spend the rest of the week" he said grinning.

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Ok this one got a little long! Sorry not sorry! And I imagine cocky Miles being a little rough in bed (hott anyone?) so anon I hope you enjoyed it!!! Up next: Tom Wilson!

#miles wood #new jersey devils #nhl imagines #nhl imagine

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closetcasefabray · 7 years

Text

i was just thinking about cophine getting high together & then imagined modern day clexa doing the same & omg a whole headcanon is now exploding out my brain. so here’s this not-a-fic.

so clarke would have tried weed in hs & she would get high once in a while, but she was a good student & pretty popular so her parents never really saw any change. & one time jake catches her coming in late & he can totally tell she’s high & he’s just like “we’ll talk in the morning.” when he does, he doesn’t tell abby but just tells clarke not to drive high & recommends against smoking bc lungs are important. & he ends it with “i trust you kiddo. you can make your own decisions. im proud of you for being you.” bc he’s jake & he loves her so much (& also thinks marijuana should be legal & regulated).

so clarke is at university (i normally imagine them at UMD just bc Polis & TonDC are Maryland/DC references) & she’s roommates with raven, & the two of them like going to the roof of one of the campus science buildings & smoking bc sometimes the professors leave telescopes on the roof for labs. raven gets medicinal marijuana & explained that her parents knew she already smoked so they wanted her to do it legally & “the leg thing just helped expedite the process.” so they smoke pretty regularly. (eventually raven tells clarke that she was in an accident when she was with her boyfriend, finn, on his motorcycle.)

clarke meets octavia in her math class & they both hate it but numbers come easier for clarke than O so clarke essentially carries O through that class despite paying zero attention in class. O is on the track team, so she doesn’t smoke but hangs out with clarke & raven on the roof.

lexa is a sophomore but really ahead & could easily graduate early. but she’s double majoring in political science & psychology with a minor in world literature. clarke has dyslexia & while she does know various strategies to read & study well, she devotes most her energy toward her pre-med materials. that unfortunately affects the quality of her weekly papers for her english lit gen ed class. so she goes to the writing center where of course lexa works.

& clarke is pretty intimidated bc lexa is dressed for the career fair the first time she meets her & just looks like she has all her shit together. when lexa asks her what she should focus on for critiques, clarke just says “everything.” & lexa does that small smile & clarke is just like “wHAT IS THIS FEELING????”

even though lexa rips her paper apart it was fine bc clarke could watch her hands move across paper all day. one day clarke asks if she wants to go to the food court since lexa gets out at the same time. so they do & they end up talking & clarke ends up confessing she has dyslexia & lexa encourages her to go to the student disability services office so a formal letter could be sent to the professor, but clarke says how it shouldn’t be an excuse. & lexa is like super serious & respects clarke’s choice but also says, “it’s not an excuse if you do go. it’s about being honest with yourself & the professor. you’re fully capable of doing great work, & dyslexia isn’t a reflection of your intelligence, but just letting your professor know may help form a more effective curriculum.” they exchange numbers & the next day, clarke sends her a thank you text bc she went to student services & her lit professor’s office hours & they decided on bi-weekly 3pg papers instead of the weekly 2 pg papers.

then clarke eventually asks her out as they leave the writing center one night & lexa has to ask, “like a date?” & clarke mildly panics but lexa explains “i have a girlfriend.” costia, who is this really wonderful art history major & photographer back home in PA & attending Penn State, who she met through a summer internship before lexa’s first year in university. but lexa thinks they’d make good friends & clarke refuses to be a douche who broods in the “friend zone.”

lexa doesn’t go to parties, but she drinks occasionally. so clarke invites her to the roof with O & Raven & they end up drinking two giant bottles of cheap wine. when lexa admits she’s never smoked weed, it becomes raven’s mission to get lexa high, mostly bc lexa is so serious & she wants to see what she would happen. but lexa passes on the weed & is grateful bc clarke smoked & got the spins & puked off the side of the roof.

another time, raven gets a few edibles & splits them with her friends so she, O & Lincoln (OT/PT major, junior, also on track) are playing frisbee on the quad while super high & clarke is drawing & sitting bc physical exertion is so not her style, esp when stoned. & lexa gets out of class & sees clarke so she joins her. & when clarke looks up & sees lexa approaching, she gets the biggest cheesiest smile bc it’s lexa & its one of the few remaining warm days of fall so she’s in a knee-length dress & just looks stunning. she sits down & lifts up clarke’s sunglasses & laughs & asks “how high are you rn?” clarke just giggles–something she only does high–& replies “very.” & lexa just grins & pokes clarke’s cheek & says “i can tell bc your dimples. you have them the entire time bc you can’t stop smiling.” & clarke just replies “or maybe i’m just happy to see you.” & then O appears with her arms full of snacks & clarke is like “good call, O” & O is like “tf are you talking about???? this is mine.” but raven & lincoln brought munchies for clarke.

then when it’s just the two of them, lexa asks what it feels like being high. clarke’s still stoned so it’s hard but says “you can’t really know the feeling without getting high….. your stream of consciousness goes on every tangent. your thoughts take the scenic route… also your internal voice becomes really apparent, but it’s not critical or anything. things feel easy.” & lexa just concludes “you’re an anti-anti-drug ad.”

so lexa tells clarke one day she wants to try weed so clarke’s super excited & wants lexa to be comfortable & they go to the roof, just the two of them & smoke & lexa quickly learns smoking hurts her throat & lungs a lot but clarke packed ice water which helps. when clarke can tell lexa is stoned, she laughs bc her eyes are glossy & just beautiful & that small smile of hers doesn’t leave her lips. but she reassures lexa that she looks fine & isn’t obviously high.

they lie on a blanket & lexa asks clarke to hold her hand bc she feels strange & clarke just smiles & takes her hand & gives it a little squeeze. but they end up talking & laughing bc of some stupid story clarke told & even though clarke’s heard lexa’s laugh, she loves the sound of it in that moment. & she’s jus like “wow. im so in love with her” inside of course.

that night gets lexa into trouble with costia bc long distance is dumb & costia can tell lexa is falling for clarke. they break up before the second semester so lexa throws herself into work but clarke is persistent about making lexa interact with ppl outside of academics & they end up smoking on the quad one night & lexa is p sure she could kiss clarke but she knows she should tell her how she feels first & not kiss her & have clarke assume it was just bc they were high. but they hold hands even though lexa feels fine.

so they both end up super busy bc midterms but they study together in the library. clarke has a nervous habit of tapping her pen & the sound makes lexa anxious, so one day she puts her hand on top of clarke’s tapping hands & clarke apologizes but lexa removes her hand then takes clarke’s right & runs her thumb along the back. it ends up being the kind of sensory stuff the both of them needed & becomes habit.

both of them finish their midterms the same day so they hang out to celebrate which basically turns into them taking a nap in clarke’s bed & raven taking a million ways photos & taking bets from O & lincoln about how long it would take them.

but something about missing clarke on spring break spurred lexa into action so their first day back at school, they’re two of the first back on campus so they go the roof but don’t have weed & as clarke is rambling about something lexa just hugs her & clarke laughs & asks “what’s this about?” & lexa says “i missed you.” & clarke smiles & says “me too.” & then lexa kisses her & it’s grossly cute & clarke kind of sighs as they hold each other after. & blah blah they’re in love & just the grossest.

but what originally spurred this whole thing on was just me thinking “i bet lexa would get horny when high” so my brain is essentially the tag “porn with feelings.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

anyway. i’ve got shit to do i guess but thought i’d share.

#im also v high & overtired #but stoned!clexa is legit a thing in my head #cw: drugs #clexa #clexa headcanon #ccf #ccf drabble #ccf drabbles #ccf headcanon #stoner au

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