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#I promise you this was not my intention

buttertrait · 2 days

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okay this is probably going to be a long post (idk kinda) but i’ve seen a couple of posts going around where people tag blogs they love / inspire them and i wanna try interact with people more so i wanna show some love to some of my fav blogs

@squea / @citrlet / @circusjuney / @stinkrascal / @stellarfalls / @youredreamingofroo / @eljeebee / @fizzytoo / @alelelesimz / @crazy-lazy-elder-sims / @velvet-disc / @alientown / @folkbreeze / @zleepyhollow / @cottageivy / @windslar / @rusticottage / @wildmelon / @neighborhoodsimulator (@woohooincoffin)/ @sunyos / @druidberries / @lotuso3o / @flovoid / @kopimoss / @futurelabs / @glittermutt / @shawsimmer / @simelune / @worriedrat / @ezra-trait / @void-imp / @thefunniestjester / @thrifthi

theres probably a ton of other people i’m missing so if you’re reading this (yes YOU🫵), thank you so much for being here and as well and i appreciate each and every one of you. everyone who has ever commented on one of my posts, reblogged one of my posts, liked one of my posts, or sent me an ask, i appreciate all of it!!

but all of these people are awesome, whether it’s the posts they share, or just their general vibe i appreciate each and every one of them and they have inspired me in one way or another during my time on tumblr <3

#anyway this is my pathetic attempt at being friends #i’m really sorry if i forgot you i promise it was not intentional i tried to include everyone #butter’s thoughts

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deoidesign · 13 hours

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Hi, I kind of have a question, Adam said that can't walk in the sun when doesn't drink blood, but what exactly happens? Do vampires just burn immediately, begin to be more sensitive to sunburn or is it another kind of thing?

so, in time and time again I really wanted blood to be something of a medicinal need for vampires. it's not a 1:1 metaphor of course, please don't try to think of it that way, but it's how I conceptualize it.

He needs blood to go in the sun, to heal, to "be something of a human again" and it also grants him the ability to time travel, shapeshift, compel others...

Without blood, he can't do these things. So, to be honest, without blood vampires would just... die. They can't exist without it. being in the sun uses blood, its dangerous. it wears you down. it makes you weaker. it can kill you!

I realize this ends up making my vampires feel weak, but... it's a metaphor for chronic illness. They have limited energy and if they do not take the time and the 'medications' they need to recover, they'll become weak or die. They have to manage their limited energy.

there's extreme privilege for vampires who have steady access to blood, like Adam does. His access to blood lets him time travel, transform, go in the sun constantly, etc. Vampires without as much access have to become nocturnal, they get stuck in one place, they have to be careful because even a small cut can cost precious resources...

A desperate vampire might end up hurting someone for what they need. a vampire with people who are willing to help them can get by, or even thrive. a vampire with none of these will die.

I know it's not the most satisfying answer, but it is my answer! My experiences being chronically ill are very much at play here.

#I dont want people to think too much about it as a metaphor for chronic illness #cause. OBVIOUSLY 'monster who kills people' is kind of loade #but as you can tell in my writing I'm sort of doing my own kinds of vampires #idk. I think within the confines of my story it's a metaphor I'm comfortable with people reading #but within the broad scope of vampires as a concept not so much #I mean even within the confines of my story I think that it has severe limitations as a metaphor #just. yknow it is the internal logic I'm using and the intent I have #asks #anon #also you dont have to start all your asks with 'hi i sort of have a question'#its okay to just ask me things #pretty sure these are all coming from the same person and I'm pretty sure I know who #not to freak you out just #its a tell haha #its ok to just ask me things I promise #I enjoy talking about my work #I'm happy to get the questions

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mugentakeda · 2 months

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the tapping of his fathers pacing on the tile is almost enough to drive him mad.

“don’t let your brother’s incessant whining cause you to falter. this is merely a short visit to discuss the matter at hand, and then you’re on your way right back to ba sing se. he will try and whisper doubt in your ear.” the firelord stops to shake a finger at him. “do not listen to him for anything! i will help you in the best of my ability to have this taken care of.”

“i’m not,” iroh snaps impatiently, digging his palms into his eyes. “i’m not listening to him, father. he doesn’t care for lu ten and he doesn’t have to. he has his house and i have mine. empty words have little meaning to me at the moment.”

his father purses his lips. the sting of his stare digs down to the core.

“you say that,” azulon snaps, “but i believe this to be a family affair. its possible lu ten was taken advantage of because he was too busy protecting ozai’s wife and ozai’s children to protect himself. if that’s true, then ozai owes him. i don’t give a damn if he cares about him as his nephew or not. lu ten honored his house, so he shall honor lu ten in return by shutting his trap for once.”

iroh doesn’t have the strength to respond. he’d left ba sing se in a rush after receiving the news, and ordered the shipmen to get him back home on the double. he’s sick, he’s tired, he’s terrified and angry, and he misses his son something awful. the last thing iroh cares about right now is what ozai does or has to say.

there’s a heavy, sad sigh from above him. azulon slowly makes himself comfortable on the sitting cushion next to him, grunting as his bones creak. he sets the knocked over teacup straight again and refills it. the familiar heat and fragrance does nothing to soothe iroh, however.

“there is nothing i can say to make you feel better as of right now,” his old man mutters, sitting the teapot back down with uncharacteristic gentleness, “nor can i say anything sure about ursa or the children. but lu ten, he…. he is a remarkable young man. thick skinned and ornery. lightning generation at only 21, can you believe that? he beat you by a whole year. you must have faith in him.”

“it’s not about having faith in my son, father, of course i have faith in my son. but i have no faith in whoever has- has stolen him from me!” iroh suddenly exclaims, gesturing wildly. azulon flinches as his hands come dangerously close to knocking over the tea again.

your boy flagrantly disrespected you and stayed home to laze around, ozai had hissed, his narrow eyes locked straight up at the throne. both were kneeling before their father’s throne, side by side. i don’t know why you even bother. if he thinks he’s so grown up then he can save his own skin.

iroh didn’t bother to respond. he has nothing to say to his brother even on the best of days. all his life, he’s been nothing but a background character to iroh. always insisting on holing up in his room or office, never joining family dinners or celebration banquets. never one to offer his congratulations, but expects his older brother to offer his. yet, he always liked to think his word was of any significance to iroh. that he was always to be heeded. respect to his elders only means something to his little brother if there’s something to be gained.

flagrant disrespect. lu ten did not disrespect him if iroh never directly asked or ordered anything of him in the first place. he implied it, and lu ten pushed back. it hurt, but it would’ve also been the boys first true venture outside the fire nation. so iroh understood the hesitancy.

iroh would’ve just had lu ten by his side in his war council anyway. he would’ve never seen the battlefield or the city until iroh leveled it. not a spot of green would be spared by his men.

he had envisioned himself shooting a hole right through the flimsy palace wall with his lightning, and his son by his side. winning.

nothing has gone the way you made it out to be, great spirit. i don’t feel very lucky, as of late. the evening sun peaking through the tall windows of the corridor offer his thoughts no response. the general sighs heavily, and continues on his way.

the royal procession had gone through the beach house, along with the rest of the island. not a trace left behind. no sign of a struggle, either.

the procession claims it’s like they vanished out of thin air, sir, jee had whispered.

delicate situations such as this one call for holding the ones you trust most closer than ever. thus, iroh took only his personal guards from ba sing se back with him. jee is a rugged and introverted man, one that iroh knows can keep a secret, so he has been acting as his messenger man and valet for the time being.

another member of his most trusted circle is one of his longest working servants, one that belongs to iroh’s house personally. her name is su, and she is a stout woman around his father’s age. stern and silent, but trustworthy. she was the one that kept a close eye on lu ten from a distance during the periods of time iroh wasn’t around in his youth. she had been the midwife at his birth, she had been the one to pick the wet nurse.

and she had slipped iroh a journal outside of lu ten’s room. leather bound and stained in a deep red, with delicate embroidery of lotus flowers decorating its cover. it looked like something the lady ursa would gift him.

i came across this left behind in lady ursa’s garden, your highness, she had murmured fiercely. i snatched it right up and held it for you upon your return, lest it fall into the wrong hands.

the dark, warm silence of iroh’s own chambers is a small comfort, but the cold leather of the journal in his hands chains him to the cruel reality.

one of the vows iroh made for himself when lu ten came into puberty was that he would never violate his son’s privacy. he’d like to think that his son’s life possibly being in danger is a good enough reason to break it, but it still feels… wrong. especially now that he’s an adult himself.

it’ll be like eating a dollop of wasabi, he tells himself. spicy and painful one moment, then fading tingling the next.

with a sigh, he cracks it open to the back page. a few lines of familiar scrawl.

and the reason i torture myself trying to ignore all these things about him that bother me is because….

he looks away, shame crawling up his back. the candle sitting at the corner of his desk flicker along with his irregular, fear ridden heart.

a dollop of wasabi, he reminds himself. he opens his eyes again with a long breath and looks back down at the journal once more.

…well, that’s the crux of it. i just don’t know how to finish that sentence anymore.

that tells him a whole lot of nothing.

iroh flips the page back again, and is immediately overwhelmed by completely filled pages. then startled, by the sheer amount of times his own name pops up to his searching eyes among walls of scrawled text.

unease curls in his gut, like a dragon slowly rising from a slumber.

the ink doesn’t look too old. and su had said she found it in the lady ursa’s garden. and then jee said the royal procession claimed the fours’ trip to ember island was only to last three days, tops.

and as far as iroh knew, lu ten had been keeping quietly busy after iroh’s departure to ba sing se. lu ten willingly buried himself in paper work, always hunting for things he had the power to make into his business. training with lightning generation was grueling, and took hours, on top of the meditation necessary. and it takes a clear mind to even work with lightning, so…

had he done something recently to upset lu ten, and didn’t realize it? what things about iroh did lu ten torture himself trying to ignore? dramatic wording like that is difficult to overlook.

the general thinks back to how well his son can hide his emotions. lu ten’s court face beats even ozai’s, so it made him a gnarly pai sho opponent, but… he never did the backhanded comments. he can lie, but he’s a man of action before a plotting one. so you’ll never see the storm coming until it hits you directly in the face.

the letters he got back from him in ba sing se were… neutral. unbothered. he hadn’t seemed very troubled at the palace gates during his departure, either. tired and a bit wary, maybe.

but now that he thinks about it, the way lu ten looked at him had been… strange. his eyes had an emotion swirling in them that the general couldn’t read.

he rapidly rolls over the most recent letters in his head, the days right before leaving, trying to think of what he might have done to set lu ten off-

…the tiff they had on the evening before iroh’s departure.

he had forgotten about it completely.

spirits, he’d forgotten about it by the time he stepped foot on the shore. the elation of finally arriving at ba sing se, the first big step toward fulfilling the biggest thing he’s wanted to accomplish his entire life, the ultimate win, decades of planning and dreaming, inspired by agni herself…

he’d been caught up in the heat of the moment.

it didn’t even turn into an actual argument, that’s how small the tiff had been- a few things thrown back and forth during their private dinner, and the rest of it had been spent in awkward silence. iroh had let his hurt get the better of him, and he got testy.

the only thing that spoiled his ongoing luck, his relief of finally being able to go and crush his country’s most stubborn opponent, to make the second biggest win since sozin- was his own son not joining in, or showing any interest.

and that wasn’t even it. the closer iroh and his advisors got to bringing their planning to a conclusion, the more withdrawn lu ten became. whenever iroh brought it up, his son would close like a firelily in the night.

i assumed you were above teenage rebellion, iroh had muttered. i understand you want accomplishments of your own, but-

teenage rebellion? you’re joking, right? why do you always insist on- on patronizing me whenever we don’t agree on something? if you think you’re gonna guilt trip me into changing my mind, you’ve got it all wrong.

the disbelieving, ever so slightly shriller tone lu ten’s voice took on reminded iroh of his mother. she always had the habit of raising her voice a few pitches when she got upset. it reminded iroh of a coyote-eagle, once upon a time. the older lu ten got, the taller and leaner his face and physique became, the more time they spent apart, it’s like a vivid repeat of his mother. he even became a hand talker when iroh hadn’t been looking, just like fuhua.

(are habits hereditary, or had fuhua died after running away, and came back to haunt him?)

it’s probably best to start a bit further back in the journal. it might provide the context this father needs. he flips the pages for a few moments, and stops at random.

i spoke with a gentleman from the earth kingdom today during my observational trip through the colonies closest to the homeland. if you didn’t look close enough, you would’ve thought him to be any old fire nation fisherman, but i know green eyes when i see them.

his wife was a sailor that hails from caldera city. they met across the seas, in a neutral port town. they have two young twins, just barely older than zuko and azula. isn’t that something?

now, that is something iroh never bothered doing when he was a young man- it’s only now that his joints won’t let him run around chasing skirts anymore that he’s become a people person. but he’s proud of his boy for taking that initiative and having such a sense of responsibility, to go and mingle with the common man. an empathetic ruler that’s popular with his people will have the surest and furthest reaching authority, after all. iroh couldn’t name a single councilman off the top of his head that would be willing to even breathe the same air as a commoner, much less a colonial mutt.

however… this isn’t a colonial. he’s too keen on the idea of his family members’ abductors being petty, revenge seeking crooks from the earth kingdom to be okay with the idea of his son even conversing with one. for all they claim to be true and steadfast, them sneaking in and attacking an unarmed woman and her young children in their beach house just to get back at iroh is all too realistic of an idea.

but lu ten wasn’t unarmed. lu ten is one of the strongest men in the fire nation, and iroh isn’t even being biased about that. it takes prodigy to conjure lightning, and mastery to control it. and lu ten was very protective of ursa and the children- almost too protective. back in the day, during celebration parties at the palace, lu ten would damn near prowl around a pregnant ursa to fend off the careless crowd, lest they bump into her and jostle her. and he’d only been just a young teenager himself, so it was like watching a polar bear puppy that thought itself a snarly guard dog.

then a few years ago, there had been an incident where lu ten claimed zuko’s instructors were smacking him around. he’d grabbed both of the men by the collar and dragged them both viciously through the palace and right out the door- only after the sharpest scolding iroh’s ever heard since his mother was still alive. he’d never seen his son so angry. he’d chuckled at the way those old instructors had babbled apologies and fell to lu ten’s feet, while patting ursa’s back gently as she floundered.

no, it’s doubtful that an old fisherman had anything to do with it. earth kingdom or not. this is just something he needs to talk to his son about once he’s found. it would take a group of very strong benders to take lu ten down, at the very least.

he was wisecracking and friendly. we talked about his business, the officials that take care of the town and the surrounding environment, how he met his wife. he even shared his lunch during our time together- grilled fish, fragrant with sumac and citrus, and a chilled earth kingdom style mint tea. it was refreshing and unique, and i want to do it again. you’d think the fire nation would pick up these little things as it expands, but it just drowns it all out. i’m not sure if that’s a good thing. what made the food good was its earth kingdom style and seasoning, after all. what made the man interesting was his earth kingdom raised manner.

…what made lu ten think it was a good idea to write such things in a journal, and then be so careless to just forget it in ursa’s garden? he’ll have to thank su for her keen eye. if someone lacking critical thinking happened to pick this up and turn it in to his father, he’d have to deal with his son having allegations of sedition on top of everything else.

iroh, personally, is more than happy to let all traces of chilled tea get drowned out. it’s a frequent and light hearted debate between a father and son, the do’s and don’ts of tea. iroh is a stickler for tradition and enjoying the natural flavors. the fire nation boasted only the most fragrant flowers to enhance only the most delicate flavors of only the finest tea blends, after all.

his son claimed it all tasted like dinky dirt water, and stubbornly stuck with his cold hibiscus teas with herbs, and his heavily spiced and creamed saffron teas. it had been a big joke back then, but now… not so much.

a whole lifetime of a father making his son tea, sharing one of his passions. conversations over tea, tea for soothing a sore throat after screaming matches with councilmen, tea to wash down sea water accidentally swallowed at the beach. traditional methods, ceremonies, porcelain pots precious enough to buy a whole town- but it’s dirt water. yet an old fisherman from their greatest enemy shares ice water with a few mint leaves in a tin cup, and its unique.

and he wants to do it again.

the personal betrayal somehow hurts more than the blatant treachery written out plainly on the paper.

to be honest, i think that it’s a great shame that a good man like that has to be careful on his own property-property he paid for with his own money and built with his own hands- due to being from the earth kingdom, even if he has a strong marriage to a fire nation citizen. i thought about it for a long time, and realized that even if he wasn’t loyal to the crown, i didn’t mind. i don’t get angry at the idea, and i don’t think i ever have. i didn’t even think about it until i left. he made good company, offered to share his food with me, and introduced me to his beautiful children as if i was his new neighbor. i think community like that is something the fire nation needs. especially the nobility, who you’d think all have iron sticks shoved up their asses.

interactions like that are the most important ones to me, because they challenge me the most. i hate to cheapen that by thinking i just enjoy being challenged to spite my traditions and elders, or to be contrarian. that’s what coming of age means to me- looking inward, and asking the big questions.

…this can’t be why lu ten has been so distant lately.

the general slowly shuts the journal in dull horror. how long has this sickness had time to fester his son’s soul?

he swallows hard, and gingerly slides the journal in the folds of his robes. under no circumstance can anyone get their hands on it.

and later, when his gut quits churning and the candles around him quit threatening to set his room on fire, he’ll read this whole journal, front to back. brand every sentence, every symbol into his eyes. then he’s gonna burn it, bring his son home, and ask him what the hell he’s thinking.

the next morning, after letting the foul scent of burnt leather fade from his chambers, iroh finds jee.

“what can i do you for, your highness?”

“i need you to bring me the finest bounty hunter money can buy,” iroh murmurs. there’s a madness in his eyes and in his grip now that he’s had time to ponder the contents of his son’s journal, and what they entail. “and no matter what, it stays between us. i do not care what measures you must take to keep it that way.”

jee swallows hard and salutes with purpose. the poor man must be able to his see stress all over his face, but he’s barely containing himself the way it is.

this was no kidnapping. the blasted earth kingdom has everything to do with it, naturally, but it was no kidnapping.

jee returns to him that evening, followed by a lovely young woman, head to toe in black leather. her gait oozes confidence, and her narrow eyes scream danger.

this is definitely not the kind of finest iroh meant by finest bounty hunter money can buy, but he’ll take it.

“…i’ve, uh. fulfilled your request, your highness,” jee says. he looks flustered, and is clearly refusing to even glance at the woman.

“with a few breaks in between, i’m guessing. your collar is uneven, soldier,” iroh deadpans. he’d call it a shame if he wasn’t curbing an episode at the moment.

jee makes a faint noise of distress and fumbles with his uniform, blushing a deep red. iroh realizes that was the wrong thing to say at how the fair lady scowls at the crude jab.

she shoves past jee with an aggressive shoulder clip and crosses her arms before the general.

“i was promised a shitload of coin in exchange for some missing royals,” she says, voice clipped. “i don’t like to work with your kind, but good money is good money. and i can promise better and quicker results than any phony bounty hunter in the world- my companion is a shirshu. she can sniff out a rat from a whole continent away.”

a shirshu, eh? it would seem my luck has made its return after long last.

“impressive,” iroh praises truthfully. he’s a weak man for crass and foul-mouthed women. “i’d like to take a look at this beast, and then we can discuss the details and prices. i also hope you’re alright with keeping this transaction under wraps, my dear.”

she sneers. “you can call me june. and i’d highly suggest keeping a few steps away from my nyla, for your own good.”

jee clears his throat. “i’d listen to that one, sir. her creature is something else.”

iroh hums pleasantly, and keeps a few paces behind june as they go. a strange calm has washed over him now that the universe finally makes sense to him again; he has a few more people he’d like to question, and he’ll be all set. then sooner, if he’s lucky, rather than later, his sister-in-law, his nephew, and his niece will all be found and returned home, safe and sound. his son will be in his arms, whole and unharmed. ba sing se will simply have to wait.

and if they’re lucky, the dragon of the west won’t have thought up a better solution to finally grinding their sorry ashes into their own dirt by the time he gets back. but regardless, he will win.

#somehow this did not leave off on a redemption-esque note. My bad #I PROMISE IM GONNA ABIDE BY THE POLL RESULTS OKAY #this part can honestly be called Irohs Cognitive Dissonance: The Thrilling Saga #also im sorry about the lack of focus on irohs relationship with zuko and azula.#i know it tracks in canon (azulas doll gift) but im still. Kinda unsure.#im honestly better at just writing irohs dialogue vs his thoughts #and this being him before he starts changing makes it even WORSE #so i hope. i did him some justice. Awks #also i hope you guys liked the implication of june and jee making out sloppy style.#even if iroh kinda ruined it.#idk where that even came from it just happened #i hope u guys are seeing all the azula-iroh parallels about Winning and Luck. thats all intentional #runaway fire fam au #alicias writing stuff

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six-white-venus · 2 months

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you asked for inspo so here:

"loneliness, habitually looking at your side and finding an empty space, late nights, missed calls, nostalgia"

(don't ask who hurt me lol)

i dream of him every day, you know? it’s been a year and two months since the last time we talked properly. more than 10 months since i saw his face. it’s summer of 2024 and i don’t know who i am to you. hell, i don’t know what i am to me, either. but when i close my eyes, i am in highschool and our shoulders are touching and i laugh at every stupid thing he says because of course i do. and his eyes always lit up when i did. in my dreams, he says that he loves me and that he’s sorry. but here’s the catch: i always know i’m dreaming.

to dream and know you’re dreaming is the greatest curse of them all. because it’s there, it’s right there, happiness that’s cotton candy sweet melting on your tongue it’s there it’s there but you know it’s not true. because you’ve never had cotton candy before and your mom has always told you girls with rotten teeth don’t deserve sweets. because he says he loves you. because he’s smiling and it’s not crooked and he says he loves you. because you’re thinking of him with a feather-light chest and not weeping into your best friend’s arms. because he says he loves you and your teeth is not rotten.

but i wake up and don’t cry. i miss him, but i don’t cry. i don’t even remember his face right but i miss him. but i don’t cry. when i do, it's always the stupidest things that set it off.

it's 11:30pm and i should be sleeping but here i am, staring at the tears staining my pillow and telling myself, "stop. stop crying. stop. why are you crying?"

it's all so incredibly stupid.

i can't play fight with my friends anymore because i'm afraid they'll just leave. i can't be mean for shits and giggles. because what if that's the breaking point? what if someone gets bored of my clown fuckery there and decides to give up on me. what will i do with my red nose and jester's hat and bleeding smile? what will i do?

i don't know if I miss you or miss who i was before you anymore. i don't remember what it felt like, to be so sure that i am loved. because i am, i know i am! but now with that knowledge comes a creeping whisper, "what's the price you have to pay to make them stay?"

i don't know. it terrifies me.

calls pile up on my phone and i hate that sometimes i can’t even care enough to be guilty about it. my friends text me often, “are you even alive? please call me back.” and i don’t know what to tell them. i don’t know who i am. can you come over? i’m afraid i’ll forget your face. can you come over? i’m afraid you’ll forget my face. can you come over? i am so lonely. can you come over? i can’t stop dreaming and nostalgia feels like a knife to my throat and i keep twisting it in deeper and deeper and deeper and-

can you come over? i don’t know why i can’t forget your laugh. i don’t know if i can ever stop screaming.

i look at my side and find it’s empty. i look for your photos in my gallery and come up empty because i deleted the last one a week ago. but it doesn’t matter, because they all look wrong, anyway. none of them know how you smile. none of them are real. none of them know you like i do. i can’t stop dreaming. i am a liar who knows he’s a liar and the knife twists deeper and why didn’t you look back? why can’t i stop dreaming?

#hope you find this one satisfactory anon #i won't ask you who hurt if if you don't ask me who hurt me #winks and finger guns #it sounds incomplete #it's intentional. an ongoing nightmare if you will #my writing #poetry #prose poetry #words #love #writeblr #prose #sorry about the very very late response i'm working on all the promts i promise #just. slowly #so you will get your poem soon enough #watch out #/threat

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kissimirrit · 10 months

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sometimes i think about how there's a route in shadow's game called "the miracle of love", where you do the dark missions up until meeting amy, then take the good route for the rest of the game—and i just really feel things for shadow. and in the ending when he goes over everything he did, he mentions how he had no reason to help amy, but did anyway, wording it in a way that implies he just wanted to. it's fucking called the miracle of love.

also there's a voiceline in team sonic racing where he says "you did okay, amy" in the gentlest fucking tone i have ever heard my god. and it's like the nicest thing he said to *any* of the characters in that game.

it's such a soft part of his characterization that kinda drives me nuts to think about sometimes.

#sorry for liking shadamy. it WILL happen again.#i know mosth is ''dubiously canon'' but i also think about how much he knows about the things she likes #or that he just doesn't really fight back when amy insists on bringing him along to a concert. or doesn't yell back at her while she is.#i just like to think that amy is ''shadow's heart'' in a way‚ that she reminds him that humanity is worth protecting.#and that he tacks amy on to his promise to maria in sa2. ''i have to keep my promise to maria... and you.''#and of course that can be platonic‚ her being shadow's heart in that she just inspires him to *keep* that promise and keep going.#even if he... doesn't necessarily always go about it in the right way. but his intentions are usually good.#he's not a villain‚ just an antagonist.#anyway i could go on all day about how much i enjoy the idea of him quietly pining but ultimately doing nothing about it #because it's a lost cause. silently loving someone who loves another loudly.#it adds a lot of depth to his character for me—and i just think it's cute. i like it as a personal headcanon.#BUT WHY DID THEY FUCKING NAME THAT ROUTE ''MIRACLE OF LOVE'' IT MAKES ME GO FUCKING KOOKIE!!!!

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hollowtones · 10 months

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To the 20-or-so well meaning messages telling me about x or y source for retro / old game roms and emulators: I am very aware of these sources. I use 'em! I like checking other places first, because sometimes I can find weird shit and go on a little adventure. Case in point: [I'm gesturing vaguely to the events of last night. You can't see me do it because this is a post on the internet.]

#I promise you I am not a clueless woman on the internet I have been doing this shit for well on twenty years #I do this with intent and with great joy in my heart

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galaxythreads · 5 months

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someone left a comment on (death must be lonely like I am) saying that they're disappointed I'll never update again despite the fact I have talked about the fact I am taking a break and it is only a break so!! Guess what! Who wants a chapter this weekend out of pure spite!!? :D

#dmbllia #hey #you know what was on hiatus for more than a year and is now complete??#the blodig skog #hiatus is not discontinued #if i have no intention of updating #/i will let you know/ i promise #galaxy's writing #besides #this will hopefully get me out of bed so there is that #living my best life (crying hysterically in the corner)

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hella1975 · 7 months

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as someone who is extremely queasy and the thought of blood and gore makes me want to power wash my brain, can I ask genuinely what it is about cannibalism that is so intriguing? I swear that I’m not judging I’m just curious bc personally it’s one of those things that I absolutely refuse to let my brain think about

omg yes i can actually 100% so basically it shows a lot in my writing but im a fan of the extremes of human feeling like it's insanely compelling to me to consider the things we do when pushed into the darkest corner of a single emotion, be it love or hate or fear or anger or grief etc etc. we are a deranged species and we do deranged things when we feel too much of any one thing and it's the concept of extrapolating on that until you reach a point of it being too far, too much, too extreme, and the implications of that. we have cannibalism as one of the ultimate taboos, something that is rightfully so abhorred in society that many respond with horror at even the thought of it, and i actually like that about it. i like that we all - like you said - feel a certain repulsion to the initial thought. it's a biological knee-jerk because your brain fundamentally does not want to look directly at it. for the greeks, cannibalism was one of the greatest sins, greater than even murder, because kronos ate his children and zeus himself had no power over such a crime. to talk about the house of atreus again, the crime was so great that for atreus to subject his brother to it meant they were BOTH damned as a result, despite atreus himself not eating anyone. that's how extreme it is. you are inherently blurring the lines between people. there's supposed to be a victim and an aggressor, but when the horror is so unthinkable, what are you left with? most crimes are ingrained into us with strict responses and punishments, but with a crime this great, even after centuries of it featuring in our literature, we still can't look directly at it. that is ridiculously compelling to me.

so that's the bad, more literal side, but then we have love as consumption. again, this is considering the human reaction to a level of obsession and love so intense and unsustainable that it leads you to consuming each other. it's mutual destruction. it's being so tied to another person, so reliant on them, so adoring of them that the only way you can tolerate it is to put them behind your ribs and keep them, like a house keeps its occupants. the act itself - tasting, swallowing, savouring - is erotic. arousal exists in the heights of violence. the opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference, because love and hate are actually more similar than they are different. rather than opponents on a battlefield, they're dancers seperated by a single, fine line, never becoming one another but fingertips brushing, sharing air. loving someone so much you feel crazy, you feel restless in your own skin like it's trying to crawl off of you; hating someone so much that you can't stop thinking about them; sex and violence as intimate acts shared with another person - love as consumption tackles these dangerous crossovers, because the love becomes so intense that it slips into traditionally hateful actions, violent actions. cannibalism; the great taboo. yet done by someone who genuinely sees it as an act of love, received by someone who views it that way. both so entangled and deranged by this single shared emotion. again, insanely compelling to me. and that's not even considering the implication of one person seeing every part of the other. back to your point and what i said about cannibalism being something we cant even look at, you're getting the most disgusting, unseen parts of someone and instead of being repulsed, instead of looking away, you're taking them in your bare hands and putting them to your lips. it's reverent it's religious it's- *my laptop is forcibly taken from me*

sucks that i have to say this bc i like to think people have critical thinking skills but i KNOW some mf is gonna anon me like 'STOP ENCOURAGING ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS >:(' so disclaimer; this is all just fun stuff to discuss and consider, and personally i talk about it almost solely from a writing pov anyway. if you're listening to ethel cain and unironically wanting to emulate that kind of dynamic then maybe you are too young and/or impressionable to be listening to ethel cain.

#and i mean that last note seriously btw like no judgement but if you catch yourself thinking like that #then genuinely take a step back bc you’re no longer viewing it as a piece of media utilitising language tools #im first and foremost a lana del rey girlie ive seen this shit before and i can PROMISE you the intention of this genre of media isnt #‘my partner hits me and i unironically in real life think it's romantic and devoted of him <333' lmao #like im telling you for a fact that you read that wrong and need to re-evaluate #ask

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