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#I was hit with so many emotions

theirloveisgross · 3 months

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from an awful crackpost after afhf 2021, to a sign and response in march 2022, to this...

feels a bit surreal, not gonna lie. and going from me mumbling about 28op and cursing him when he'd be wearing it out and about for two years to having the og jersey on my back right this moment... ooof. i might have teared up for real.

thank you so much, @lovingstheantidote, for noticing my crying and whining about wanting this thing so much and letting me buy it off you. 💚

#28op #I seriously got so overwhelmed when I put it on and looked in the mirror #Like-#I was hit with so many emotions #It also felt weird. Good weird... Like... 'wait... What... I have this?'#Phew!#Coming into this fandom and 4 months later going into a spiral trying to find a shirt and concluding he must have made it himself...#I think that was the weekend I realized 'oh shit... I'm in it forever aren't I?'#Anyway. Blah blah blah #I'm overwhelmed #Taking a nap now. And yes I'm sleeping with it.

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solarisfortuneia · 2 months

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— 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬.

and the smell of camphor dancing in the wind.

✦ info: he didn't know he'd lose you so soon. (come back, please. even if it is just for five more minutes.)

✦ featuring: alhaitham.

✦ warnings: angst, character death (reader), heartache, 1.2k words, somewhat proof-read.

✦ notes: i cried so goddamn hard writing this. why is my first work after hiatus pain. why did i pick up the angst wip. but!! i'm writing again, so that's good. (more notes at the end.)

he didn’t know that it was your last day together.

he didn’t know that the smile you gave him that afternoon, your eyes sparkling like sunlight upon the serene waves of the ocean, would be the last he’d ever see. that the playful light in your gaze would fade so very soon, slipping through his fingers like sand.

he didn’t know that last night would be the last time he held you close while you drifted off to sleep. he didn’t know that today would be the last time he’d wake up with you.

he didn’t think he’d lose you like this.

he didn’t think he wouldn’t be able to save you from that blow.

“please, please,” he begs, both to you and to whatever force that is just barely holding you together. “just stay with me for five more minutes, please. until i can get you somewhere.”

the rain soaks him to the bone, clothes and hair sticking to his skin. your lips stay motionless, eyes shut.

“wake up, please,” he bargains. “you can have all the five minutes of extra sleep you want later, i promise. just—” his vision blurs, and something shines on the ground before it is gone, swallowed by damp earth, lost amidst drops of falling rain.

desperately, he tears off parts of his traveling cloak to staunch the bleeding. deep inside, he knows it is futile. he knows your wound is too great. he knows what lies ahead. but he cannot help but press the cloths to your wound and pray.

please, please tell me it’ll be okay.

please stay with me, beloved. i’ll read you all the books in the world. i’ll sleep in with you everyday, even if we end up whiling away our time.

please. stay. stay with me. i can’t lose you yet.

“— just wake up, beloved.”

by some miracle, your eye flutters. just a bit. just enough to set hope ablaze, just enough for the grip on his heart to loosen a tiny bit. he buries his face in your shoulder, resting his head against your neck, uncaring of the blood that stains his clothes. your blood. on his clothes. his hands. everywhere.

no. no. this can’t be happening.

he feels you strain beneath him, your unwounded arm gently, weakly brushing his back. he jolts upright, eyes trained on your face. you send a frail smile his way. he clasps your face softly as you nuzzle into his palm.

“alhaitham—”

his full name. archons, how long has it been since you called him that?

“— take good care of yourself, okay?” you tell him, chest heaving, your fingertips touching a tear on his cheeks. “i love you. so much.”

those are the last words he hears fall from your lips. he presses a kiss to your forehead, to your eyelids, and to your cheeks and to your lips, over and over and over until he feels your breath slow, hoping they’ll say what he knows he cannot manage to choke out.

i love you.

he stays there next to you for who knows how long, holding you until the rain slows and a faint rainbow smiles in the sky.

until he can’t smell camphor anymore.

—

every person has their curiosities.

they’re just the little traits that set them apart from others, the things that make them tick just a little bit differently, the things that make them, them.

for instance, someone may be obsessed with collecting tiny furniture, while another eats the crusts off their sandwich before actually consuming it. someone may have an affinity for the most niche aspects of linguistics, while another can accurately predict the next raindrop that slides down a window pane.

after all, no two people are exactly alike, are they?

alhaitham knows he’s got his fair share of these curiosities himself. his aversion to soup and all things that resemble it, to name one. and with you, he’d noticed two things.

number one: the scent of camphor that seems to linger on every inch of your person.

he’d caught whiff of it almost immediately the first time you met. you were but one of his juniors in the akademiya, filled with bright-eyed curiosity and anxiety to match. you had tripped over a stair and bumped into his table in the library, bringing the mountain of books in your arms crashing down.

and with subsequent coincidental meetings, he learnt that the subtle scent of camphor dancing in the air meant you weren’t far away.

you were, unfortunately, one of the poor souls who seemed to be cursed with constantly recurring minor illnesses, and almost always walked about with a stuffy nose. and so, you always carried a small disc of camphor in a handkerchief, as well as in your pocket.

you swore up and down, left, right and center that sniffing the vapors helped make breathing easier.

‘it’s my grandmother’s remedy, alhaitham! camphor always works wonders. well, that and eucalyptus oil.”

alhaitham may not know the validity of your claim or the legitimacy of the cure, but he knew to never, ever question a grandmother’s remedy. that, and he’d much rather refrain from starting a back-and-forth about something so small.

and number two: your neverending pleas of different variations of ‘just five more minutes!’

“five more minutes, ‘haitham. please.” you’d whine grumpily when he woke you up to start your day. “let me sleep in for five more minutes.”

“five more minutes, habibi,” you’d ask when he put down the story you’d requested he read out to you before bedtime. “read me the part where she finds the music box?”

“five more minutes, baby,” is what you’d tell him when he asks how much longer you’d take getting ready. “you can’t rush perfection!”

those five more minutes were never five minutes long.

but he’d always, always indulged you and those pleading eyes of yours. as stoic as he appeared to be, you lived in his heart. of course he could never deny you anything under the sun.

—

alhaitham remembers that silly little song you sang over and over, the one you’d learnt from a kid in the bazaar. he’d taken you to see one of nilou’s performances, and, friendly soul that you were, you’d struck up a conversation with some of the eager audience members before the play.

“oh, how i wish i was a bird flying free,

i’d see the world, every mountain and every sea!

oh, how i wish i was a cloud in the sky,

wouldn’t you like to wave to me as i pass by?”

you’d hum that rhyme on every idle afternoon.

loss is inevitable. he knows that, with how logical and rational and straightforward he is. he’d lost his parents, but he was far too young to remember. he’d lost his grandmother, but she passed in her sleep of old age, serene and wise.

but you? he didn’t think you’d leave him this soon. a singular wish sits in his soul, making its home in his bones.

a wish that you’d come back, somehow.

he wishes you gave him five more minutes, just as he always did. but he knows that you could’ve given him five more hours, five more days, five more years and five more decades and it would still not be enough time spent with you.

a blue feathered bird comes to perch on his shoulder, interrupting his musings just as he raises his face to the sky. he sees the heart shaped cloud that floats idly above sumeru city.

he thinks of the rhyme again, and something in him tells him to wave. and so he does. a scent so familiar lingers, faintly brushing his nose in the wind that picks up.

“alhaitham, it's time to go.” kaveh calls his name softly.

alhaitham doesn't move. “five more minutes,” he says, echoing your favorite phrase. “i smell camphor in the breeze.”

✦ extra notes: my alhaitham characterization for this fic stems from how i believe that when alhaitham is attached, he's attached. so i focused more on that, and less of all that rationality and whatnot. this one loves deeply, yk?

that camphor thing is a real grandma remedy in our household (my mom would tie some in a hanky and put some under my pillow and still to this day reminds me to do it when i'm sick) which is what originally sparked the idea for this

when i'd initially started this wip, i didn't expect it go this way. usually i write with my brain, but i think i wrote this one with my fingers working faster than i can think hsjhsj so sorry if it's kinda out of place lmao but yk what? i'm happy with it still even though i feel like it doesn't have my usual quality.

thanks for reading.

#—🖋#・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗#astronetwrk #genshin x reader #alhaitham x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #alhaitham x you #genshin x you #emotional blabbering ahead in the tags beware #this is hitting me in a place i didn't know existed hjsjs #like. i haven't lost anyone but i have lost my life as i know it?#this past year was full of so many endings and i've been struggling in some way everyday #like i didn't know that the last time i saw my friends would truly be the last time we ever saw each other #i didn't know that i'd be bidding goodbye to my parents as i left home through an airport #ANYWAY ENOUGH DUMPING. ig i'm just telling you to hug the people you love tighter and cherish every moment you spend with them #time goes by really quickly and you don't know where it'll go #ily guys #ew barf feelings </3 /j

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misc-obeyme · 7 days

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This stupid event making me feel things while also being wayyy too cheesy and over the top. Ah there were some absolute gems though. Screenshots below the cut because spoilers.

Okay I just can’t with some of these idiots.

MC being the one to bring Satan home after he gets angry and runs away 😭

Diavolo always having to be in Prince mode except when he’s with MC 😭

Bonus because MC asks him if he thought Barbatos noticed when he snuck away with MC. I just think it’s cute that he’s so delusional 🥹

MC being the only one who sees this guy’s struggle (or who he allows to see it) 😭

NOOOOOO MY HEART. MC reminding Solomon of his humanity I’m unwell 😭😭

And now for the best one because of course I lost my mind when Barbatos brought MC to his own room. I know Lucifer did too but Barb did it first!

YEAH 'cause I'm expecting you to tell me you love me!!

Look at how serious he gets...

... and then that sweet subtle smile...

HE KEEPS THE SHELF A SECRET. 😭😭😭

Excuse me I’m just gonna go pass away now. 🪦

These feelings are enough for me to overlook those doofy hats even. Why do they insist on hats they look so silly no matter who wears them.

#hauled my ass out of bed just so I could post this #because I hit the 10 image limit for mobile #but I wasn’t gonna be stopped #you got all the Barb screenshots #my heart can’t take it #anyway don’t mind me #I’m just having too many emotions about fictional men again #late night nonsense posting #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me event #obey me spoilers #obey me satan #obey me diavolo #obey me lucifer #obey me solomon #obey me barbatos #misc rambles

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spnintheyearofourlord · 8 months

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Thinking about Sam and how central autonomy and violation is to his character. How many times and ways he had his choice taken away throughout the series. All the things we don’t know about his time with Lucifer, but are also so heavily implied that we do.

Imagining he eventually gets out of The Life and becomes a victim’s advocate. He ultimately decides not to try and pursue law school at this stage in his life—it’s been so long and so much has changed—but finishes his bachelor’s and pursues a master’s in social work. He never expected to end up here: the boy with the demon blood, no longer living out some doomed and twisted fate, helping people. He’s passionate about representing those made most vulnerable and unsafe in their own skin, supporting others as they come out the other side survivors, lending the compassion he’s always struggled to have for himself. Every time he listens to someone else’s story, helps connect them to resources, advocates for their case, he heals a little bit too.

#just thinking my little thoughts #sam winchester #supernatural #bodily autonomy #tw sa implied #cw sa implied #idk the best way to tag this?? just vague passing thoughts but I don’t want to trigger anyone so #sam posting #i just think it would be a fitting job for him #one of many great options #but i think he would find this fulfilling. and depending on why you think he was pre-law it would give him similar space to represent people #even if not in a court room #though who knows what type of law he planned to practice #I really think the show dropped the ball on exploring this particular facet of Sam’s trauma #they kept hitting the nail on the head with the autonomy theme and it *being the trauma*#but not enough follow through on Sam’s emotional damage™️ aside from tasty morsels here and there #sammy #<- for my own tagging system

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need-a-name-101 · 2 months

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I need you to understand I can’t fall back into my spn/destiel phase please.

#you guys I read so many fanfics #I was hit with the #emotional damage #supernatural #spn #destiel #I think I am falling off the deep end now

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mrghostrat · 2 months

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Hi Bilvy!

Maybe you’ve talked about this before and I’ve missed it, but do you have a favorite emote that you’ve made? (bee 🐝, snek 🐍, hamster 🐹)

it it’s quite literally impossible to pick one so ur getting a gallery

not pictured: any of incon’s owls omg they’re so satisfying 😭

the brunette is the lovely vana, and blue shirt is @tinadayton/tinanarvaezjr! 🥰 i love so many of the emotes ive gotten to make with them, they’re both so pretty and have the best taste in memes.

#rat draws #so many random emotes for once off clients too #sometimes a design just HITS and i want to eat it like a mug full of popcorn chicken #ask a rat #twitch emotes #emotes #live rat reaction

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fg083nrt · 1 year

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I like to try and untwist Hidan's "sharing pain" belief system from "get off of torturing someone for hours on end" to like "ways you can empathize with somone's suffering" only Hidan would do it in a weird poorly though through way. Like he's confused but still, it's a sweet gesture from someone as selfish as he is. Either way Kakuzu is left trying to figure out if he is mad at him for doing something so stupid, or touched because he would do something so stupid for him.

It's interesting to me, because Hidan's technique functions so much like ninshu. The principle of ninshu being a spiritual connection between people, to communicate and understand each other without words. Strangely enough his curse technique let's him do that on a physical level, he can connect to physical energy, which is most commonly pain. I think the origin of technique just like ninshu started out as something peaceful and then became weaponized.

oh and shoutout to akatsuki fraternity: missed memories chapter 4 because I was like there it is, my motivation to finally draw this because I am not alone with this brainworm!

#kakuhida #kakuzu #hidan #this technique would hit so hard for tantric/slow sex #physical empathy is interesting conceptually very easy to twist tho #my art #naruto #akatsuki #brainworms #their dynamic is interesting because used on others their abilities are weapons but on each other they provide relief #so like jiongu can make hidan whole and the curse mode can help kakuzu with alleviating emotional toll of pain #I DONT KNOW I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS

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dentos-wife · 10 months

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Tokyo Mew Mew New is done and what are my thoughts? I think it’s better than the original and I LOVE the original, it’s one of my favorite magical girl shows and introduced me to the genre. I also rewatched it while this was airing to get a better feel on the simulators and differences

Almost every single problem I had with the original has been addressed in New

The mews were more characters then the stereotypes they were in the 2002 show, Mint and Ichigo especially. Lettuce got some of very concrete development along with Mint who reached her goal. The ending felt more solid to me. Masaya finally was the character he was meant to be and what a difference! It’s amazing how bad the 2002 anime did him seeing this.

More detailed and in depth analysis under the cut but if tldr

In almost everything so let’s get to it

-I fully admit I didn’t like Ryo in the OG he felt like he took screen time solely to make a love triangle. Could have focused more on how he felt about the other girls, the project, his goal. They did that. Here Ryo took responsibility for his actions and felt guilt over putting the girls in this mess becoming more than part of a love triangle (and even that was toned down a lot) which is ironic because yes he did get less focus and I would understand why Ryo fans would prefer the OG don’t blame them at all especially if they’re shippers. He got a lot more content in 2002. But I finally got what I wanted from him; responsibility

-Zakuro of all the girls got the shaft for sure I wanted to see her past like the rest but the more equal footing with Mint? Good shit, I love equal ground in things and they finally sold me on Zakumint too. In 2002 it just felt like unhealthy idolization on Mint’s end. I like how Zakuro loves and cares about her friends too and even wanted them in the video with her to show the real her. It's no longer just Mint idolizing her while she does her own thing, she feels connected to Mint too. And I LOVED how Mint was her reason for joining. They were cowards for not canonizing Zakumint after all this because it was 100% the parallel to Ichisaya

-Speaking of Mint while I do like the environmental push they gave her in this one I do miss the ballet aspect and imo her transformation was nerfed probably the one one I'd say worse then 2002 but I would throw that away any day for the character she was in this compared to the rich rude stereotype she was in 2002, very 90’s. She was of course friends with the Mews there but she actually felt closer to this group compared to how she used to be. However she was also one of the biggest character changes so if you really liked 2002 Mint I can see you not liking the Mint she is here, I’d say the most striking character change of the girls from 2002 is her.

-Lettuce! I adored how she picked up on the emotions of Deep Blue and how she had her little romance arc that was meant more for growing her character and left her open ended, don’t get me wrong I now like Ryo with her, good job New, but the point was show her growing confidence. Along with her going back to the museum and her episode there about alien society in the past I loved it all.

-Pudding and Tart felt the most similar to their og selves so I don’t have much to say on them they cute though

-Pai also felt the most similar up his og and then the ending took a turn; that put him too above og Pie for me, liked that a lot more then killing Tart then sacking himself. His whole life was dedicated to restoring his planet. He was told Deep Blue was the one to do that. And then Deep Blue who he put all his hopes on changed his mind it’s very easy to see why he acted the way he did. And it was a really neat parallel to Ichigo snapping and turning on her friends when Deep Blue first appears. Deep Blue just brings the worst out of you huh? No wonder he was seen as some kind of god.

-And even Deep Blue! At first I was miffed he wasn’t a psychopath and just kind of there while Ichigo had her own mental battle but when you find out why…he’s just a normal guy er alien. Yeah he doesn’t like humanity and blames them for destroying the planet but that’s it. He’s not out to get ultimate power or anything like that he just feels at war with humanity and wants his home back for his people. But through Masaya experienced the same feelings and thoughts resonating with Ichigo’s emotions on how things could change and shockingly seemed willing to work things out. Which probably would have ended with dying to release the Mew Aqua anyway but…Pie sped the process up. And I loved this I loved there was actually no true big bad it’s very different from even the manga but the true evil is selfishness toward the environment, cherish the planet work to protect it; all planets.

-Mayasa is my new second favorite character (Twas originally Zakuro but now she's 3rd), but others have said better so I’ll just say 2002’s main issue was taking away his character he’s a huge multi dimensional character all with reasons for how he is but because this was the early 2000’s and following on tropes he was just the typical “pretty boy” love interest, to parallel Ryo being the typical “bad boy” love interest. And it’s a goddamn shame, I enjoyed him in the manga but seeing him in motion really allows you to get into him and see him for who he is. Dislike is fine but if you still hate Masaya after this and call him bland bread and boring (I lived through the 2002 fandom I know) when he’s gone beyond that; you’re probably a bitter shipper and should try to see beyond that. Also this face was gold

-Ichigo my fav my beloved! Had an arc! Before she was your typical magical girl protag and there’s nothing wrong with that she’s a cute cat girl; what more do you need? She was still very much a duo with Masaya so if you don’t like that that didn’t change. What did though was her growing into becoming a Mew Mew finally deciding she was happy it happened then turning to wanting to be useful wanting to find out her future while everyone else around her figured it out. And her answer? She doesn’t know and that okay there’s things she wants to do, lots of ideas she has on everything she wants to accomplish but she hasn't picked yet

She even gained two more ideas at the very end

But she has time to decide on all of them because:

That’s a really good and wholesome message. If we do get a adaptation of ala mode since she stuck around I could see her mentoring Berry now while still working on figuring out her future. It's a more subtle form of development then say Lettuce or even Mint but it's there and appreciated.

Okay that was all I liked, now for what I didn’t.

-The pacing did suffer a bit a times like Ryo’s backstory feeling rushed or Pudding and Tart feeling like enemies to lovers on crack with so few episodes with more it could have been drawn out longer for sure. But really most of my issues could be fixed with more episodes

-There’s also the idol segments normally it was fine but it really took me out in Puddings episode

-I still don’t like Kish, if you like him more power to you I have no idea how you feel about this version but it’s been three iterations now and he still gets on my nerves; sorry Kish. The one thing I wanted was why he likes Ichigo and still don’t know that maybe if he didn’t start out liking her immediately? Dunno but he’s the only one my feelings didn’t change on at all, so felt like I had to note it. I do think if you ship Kishigo you're going to prefer the 2002 no epic scream in this one

-Cat Ichigo was cuter in the 2002 (this is a nitpick)

Anyway! Just because something is a classic doesn’t automatically mean it’s better all the time. I keep hearing how the classic is untouchable and…it was an anime made to sell toys, I hope you don’t think OS Pokémon is the greatest thing ever too lol. It’s just a different take from a different time this isn’t like comparing a soulless Disney remake. This was made both with and as a tribute to Mia Ikumi and I think it shows.

All are good but as for me if I’m ever introducing a friend to tmm this is going to be my go to

Red haired Mew Ichigo will be my choice every time.

#Tokyo Mew Mew #Tokyo Mew Mew Mew #tokyo mew mew reboot #analysis #tmmn spoilers #you know since I talk about the whole thing #this is really long and rambly I don’t expect anyone to read this #but I had so many thoughts and emotions tm #hmm *looks at my image choices* maaaaybe I should do a full blown Ichigo analysis in the future #if you still prefer the 2002 and it's not a reason I hit on tell me why! I'd love to know

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