#I’m taking it out because I’m just so sick and tired of ppl acting like the Jedi don’t make the active daily CHOICE to be a Jedi

[fairypowerful]

Before I begin, I just wanna throw these out:

• “ ‘Missing out on love’ isn't something that matters as much when your society isn't amatonormative.”

• “When the world around you doesn't emphasize marriage and romance and all that, then wouldn't you view cultures that do as a tad odd? Not weird in a bad way, just different.”

• “[…] People cannot fathom the concept that other people might experience romantic attraction, and do so intensely, and yet value something else above romance.”

• You just don’t have those feelings of “I need romance, I need marriage” when your society isn’t broken by being amatonormativity. You just don’t have those feelings when you’re already fulfilled in a community. You just don’t have those feelings when you have a purpose in life.

• “Call me crazy, but I know for a fact that I would not want a romantic relationship if I was a Jedi […] […] […] I honestly don't understand the assumption that ‘the Jedi are miserable because they can't get married,’ I really don't.”

• There’s romance and marriage in every single media and literature, so why should it be inserted into a fictional monastic culture? If you don’t think entire groups of people could choose to have no romantic commitments their entire life, then there’s over a thousand-year nonfictional accounts of monks and nuns and priests choosing to live a single life in an environment that, too, forbids them from romantic commitments, and they lived in contentment and peace.

————————————————

I wanted to show all that first, like a little preview, because this post is not only about why the Jedi are not wrong for disallowing romantic commitments and marriage, but it’s also about amatonormativity which has always been an enormous problem in the real world, and it clearly impacts how people view communities like the Jedi within fiction.

———

“So why can't Jedi marry? The Jedi believe that children and spouses deserve complete attention. They believe that people deserve present parents and involved partners. Being a Jedi isn't a job. It's a lifestyle. How dare they preach compassion and fairness and justice whilst leaving some abandoned child somewhere? How dare they teach kindness and love and self sacrifice while having a neglected spouse?” — @popupguidetothegalaxy (original post here)

This right here! It wouldn’t stop the criticisms within that part of the fandom, it’d just redirect it to a different one.

Even if the Jedi did marry and have families, y’all (Jedi antis) would then criticize the Jedi for prioritizing the galaxy (which is literally their vocation, their aspiration, and their lifestyle) over their spouses and children.

On top of their daily galactic duties that « take them away from the temple on assignments or missions, away from the planet that temple is located on, and always on the move interstellar-wise » ,,, antis think the Jedi should/could be able to marry and raise a family properly with zero neglect of either spouse and child?

Forget about being burnt out like a nurse in a severely understaffed hospital, it’s just simply an impossible commitment!

———

I watched “Tiger Cruise” rather recently, because it’s one of those Disney movies I never watched growing up, and one conversation in the movie puts this into even more perspective – because the teenaged main character is sick & tired of always only seeing her Navy commander father for a few weeks every few months, begging him to quit the Navy and come home for good.

Maddie: Dad, when are you coming home?

Commander Dolan: What do you mean? We're gonna be docking on Friday.

Maddie: No, I mean… When are you coming home for good?

Commander Dolan: Is that why you came on board? To ask me that? [pause] Look, this is my job.

Maddie: Then get a new one. You've got the degrees, you can do like anything you want.

Commander Dolan: This is what I do.

Maddie: [pause] Must be nice .. travel all over the world, no responsibilities.

Commander Dolan: I'm responsible to a lot of people.

Maddie: To strangers, Dad. What about us? [pause] We’re strangers too. We move all over the place, see you for a few weeks every four or five months, or whenever the Navy says it's okay.

Commander Dolan: The Navy is a way of life. I mean, you go into it and you know the sacrifices you have to make.

Maddie: Well, you’ve done it for my entire life.

Seriously, is this what Jedi antis want? It’s misery, and not necessarily on the parent’s part — he’s HAPPY and LOVES his job. He has the degrees to do anything he wants, as Maddie pointed out, but he doesn’t leave the Navy. It’s the same with the Jedi, as they have the best education and biggest library in the galaxies. And yet…

(some Jedi-Critical) and Anti-Jedi fans think the Jedi are miserable and why the Order is “wrong” for disallowing it [which is just projecting their subjective view of “what a fulfilling life is supposed to look like” onto a monastic people who value and find fulfillment in something other than romance], but it would actually be miserable if they did have families.

Pushing aside the fact that the Jedi are a monastic (and not only martial) organization, there’s a legit reason for disallowing marriage and committed relationships. It’s not fun and games. You can’t combine two enormous commitments and think you can handle it without neglecting the other. There’s no such thing as a part-time Jedi, it’s not a job title!

Jedi are able to leave the Order peacefully, they aren’t forced to stay, but on this specific topic, you just don’t have those feelings of « I need romance, I need marriage » when your society isn’t broken by being amatonormativity. You just don’t have those feelings when you’re already fulfilled in a community. You just don’t have those feelings when you have a purpose in life.

How dare they be happy and fulfilled by being Jedi? How dare they show their commitment to the Order by making the active and daily choice to be Jedi, when they could leave any time? How dare they stick their middle finger up at the no-romance/no-marriage rule? How dare the Jedi not conform to the “education → graduation → relationship → engagement → wedding → 2 kids and a dog” trajectory that only an amatonormative society expects of you? How dare the Jedi be monastic and live like it too?

———

(Words belong to @phoenixyfriend)

• “ ‘Missing out on love’ isn't something that matters as much when your society isn't amatonormative”

• “When your culture is one that emphasizes compassion for all [...] Don't you think that people might just not think of marriage as something worth striving for?”

• “When the world around you doesn't emphasize marriage and romance and all that, then wouldn't you view cultures that do as a tad odd? Not weird in a bad way, just different.”

I just keep thinking about the real world and how so much of the obsession with marriage and so on is a sociocultural thing. You don't want a big white dress because it's a big white dress: you want it because it is the symbol that your culture has been pushing on you since you were two. Girls are taught to fantasize about weddings and marriage and to like A Certain Look for it, sometimes to such a degree that they can spend decades in denial about things like their sexualities.

And we're unlearning that as a society, people are being more critical of the institution and how they engage with it, are starting to question what it is that our media teaches us, asking 'why is marriage the most important thing in a girl's life, or in anyone's life' and generally moving towards a world where marriage exists but is not treated as a universal life goal.

But the Jedi are just. Already doing that.”

• “Marriage is not an inherent human/sapient want. Companionship is! We are biologically wired to be social creatures! […] But marriage? A signed sheet of paper? That's not...inherent. Fidelity and monamory? Sure, maybe. Plenty of species mate for life. But... humans have been proving that's a choice for most of history.”

— (original post, here)

Even without the galactic scale of their lifestyle and duties, is it really so hard to understand or believe that people wouldn’t be miserable in a society where romance is not considered an important thing at all?

If you don’t think entire groups of people could choose to have no romantic commitments their entire life, then there’s over a thousand-years history of monks and nuns choosing to live a single life in an environment that, too, forbids them from romantic commitments, and they lived in contentment and peace.

They’re not only connected to other Jedi through the Force, they are connected to the rest of the universe through the Force; they find joy in their selflessness, in helping people, in trying their best to do good in a universe permeated with corruption. They love being a Jedi, there’s nothing a romantic relationship can give them that’s as fulfilling as being Jedi.

Just…stop projecting your amatonormative misery onto the Jedi.

———

If millions of people around the world in real-life can choose not to ever get married and have children (without even being a part of a close-knit community like the Jedi), despite being bombarded with amatonormativity in media and literature almost everyday, then what’s so weird about a fictional group (who are literally warrior-monks and whom have all of their companionship needs met within their non-amatonormative community) choosing to be single in favor of a higher calling and lifestyle that’s far more valuable and fulfilling than having a romantic relationship?

———

(Words belong to @jedi-enthusiast)

• “Call me crazy, but I know for a fact that I would not want a romantic relationship if I was a Jedi.

If I lived somewhere where I was a part of a community of people that I considered my mentors, my friends, my family; if I lived somewhere where I was encouraged to learn, to travel, to help people, to enjoy life as it is, and better myself; if I lived somewhere where I was supported and loved and cared for by the community, and I did the supporting, the loving, the caring for other people in the community as well; if I lived somewhere where it wasn't constantly implied, or sometimes outright stated, that my worth was tied to me marrying a man, popping out children, and making money...

...if I was a Jedi, I can honestly say that the thought of pursuing a romantic relationship probably wouldn't cross my mind at all---not unless I met someone specific whom I felt that sort of connection with, but even then, I probably wouldn't give up being a Jedi to be with them because I'd feel more fulfilled as a Jedi than I would in a romantic relationship.

I honestly don't understand the assumption that the Jedi are miserable because they can't get married, I really don't.

If you feel like you wouldn't be able to be fulfilled without a romantic partner, then that's fine! Everyone's different! We all have different wants and needs! But just accept that you wouldn't be fulfilled without a romantic relationship and stop acting like it's impossible for anyone else to feel differently.

The Jedi all seem perfectly happy as they are.”

— (original post, here)

I also wanna add, because I don’t know where to put this statement … there’s romance and marriage in every single media and literature, so why should it be inserted into a fictional monastic culture? They’re not only warriors, they’re monks too.

It’s a rhetorical question…but I think either they’re so marriage-obsessed that they hadn’t thought of this. Or they are consciously aware of the over-saturation of romance within media when they talk about how the Jedi Order are wrong for disallowing romantic relationships, but they don’t care because they think higher callings are stupid and anything else is inferior to a romance/marriage.

———

(Words belong to @tookas-have-teeth) (original post here)

• “There is a difference between people saying that everyone feels romantic attraction and that it is necessary to being human [arophobia] and the comments a lot of people make about the Jedi.

Oftentimes, when I see complaints about the Jedi, it's because people are angry that people who DO feel romantic attraction might not choose to act on it, or might be part of an organization that requires its members to give up romantic relationships and marriage. People cannot fathom the concept that other people might experience romantic attraction, and do so intensely, and yet value something else above romance.

People consider this to be a cruel denial and repression of one's feelings, rather than seeing it as a choice people are making to prioritize things they value. People have SO bought into the idea that romance is the Ultimate Form of Love, that romance is necessary to live a fulfilled life, that they cannot imagine folks finding other forms of love more fulfilling, especially if those folks experience romantic attraction.”

—

[a comment within the post linked immediately above] “By claiming that people who experience romantic attraction *must* act on it or else they are oppressed, one is functionally insulting every priest, monk, nun, or any number of members of a religious order who choose, of their own free will, not to pursue romance in favor of a higher calling.” — @supersaiyanjedi14

———

There’s only two other fictional worlds that I can think of off the top of my head, that are non-amatonormative. Blissfully fulfilled and happy …

… Equestria (My Little Pony) and Pixie Hollow (Disney Fairies).

After learning the word, I could now put a name to why these two worlds are my top favorites: It’s a non-amatonormative society where everyone’s happy with just a community and a purpose in their life, where romance is 100% not an important factor.

“But in Pixie Hollow, there’s no reproduction, so of course there wouldn’t be any relationships.”

There’s still love and attraction.

Rosetta gets a crush on Sled in Secret of the Wings, Queen Clarion and Lord Milori reveal they fell in love in the distant past. And Terrence has a crush on TinkerBell (although that might just be the printed media, ‘cause I don’t remember it being obvious in the movies).

Is it really so hard to understand or believe that in a society where romance is not considered an important thing at all, and people have (literal) power and a job that they love and a whole damn community for companionship, then those people wouldn’t be miserable?

So, again, stop projecting your allonormative and amatonormative misery onto the Jedi. ‘Cause that’s all it is: your projection.

It’s so sad that the real world can’t be like the aforementioned worlds. Our world makes it so hard for people; a majority don’t have jobs they love, or they don’t have time or money to pursue and grow their talents, and there’s no true community among us. It’s literally dystopian, and we only see it as “this is normal, it’s real life” because we don’t know any other way. But that’s quite a different topic, so…

—

I just wanted to add these, unrelated to Star Wars and fandoms, to point out how destructive it [amatonormativity and allonormativity] is in the real world. ‘Cause I do see tweets on my timeline, from time to time, where a user will be torn over not having a relationship at a certain age or their life not following the ‘right’ trajectory.

[posts by people outside of the Star Wars fandom]

— @uncanny-tranny (original post here)

• Amatonormativity has destroyed so many people's understanding and acceptance of themselves, and it's heartbreaking.

Yes, it is normal to be in your 20s, 30s, or older and not have lost your virginity, had a first kiss, or a partner. It is normal to say that you aren't ready for those things, too! It is normal if your life doesn't follow the "college graduate -> engagement -> buying a home -> 2.5 kids and a dog" trajectory that so many people have idealized.

So many people associate maturity with losing your virginity, or having a first kiss, or a serious relationship, and I think that's a dangerous association. Maturity isn't gained through those things, and you don't have to have those experiences to be considered "mature" or "grown." It is not a bad thing to go at your pace. Nobody else can live your life but you. If you end up having those experiences, that's great! But it should be done because you want to experience them, not because you feel "broken" and "immature" without them.

— @/acegirleatscake on Twitter

• Allonormativity and amatonormativity normalizes ableism: the “you must be cold, sick, delusional” or “there’s something wrong with you” if you don’t have sexual or romantic attractions or don’t want those types of relationships. Being single is seen as “being unwell.”

@/0p4l3sc3nt for this one (below)

• […] single people are constantly questioned about the legitimacy of our happiness […] In an Amatonormative society, our romantic relationships will always have ulterior motives (often subconscious) – which arise from us being conditioned to see romantic relationships as the means to achieve personhood, happiness, and TRUE purpose.

———

Sincerely, everyone in the Anti-Jedi circle needs to go outside, touch grass, and reflect on it.

If our society wasn’t amatonormative (if there was no such thing as our idealization of romance and marriage, if romantic relationships weren’t seen as the most important thing at all in our society), then nobody would have an issue with the Jedi Order disallowing it — for many legit reasons, might I again remind you! Their reasons make so much sense, yet your amatonormativity floods in and turns your brain into worms.

• “Fiction doesn't necessarily map onto people's real life opinions, but the statements people make about this topic are often very broad "the Jedi are bad for forbidding marriage, because people NEED romance" type statements that definitely sound like they're general worldviews rather than just opinions on fictional characters.” — @tookas-have-teeth (again)

This post was left in my drafts from a month ago (early August 2023), but seeing the topic come up again just made me kinda snap; and I don’t want to just scream into the void, so I’m posting it.

And I don’t care how repetitive some of it is, because that was very intentional. They’re like little reminders, so you don’t miss the point and might actually reflect on it.

HAVE A GOOD DAY!

#star wars #amatonormativity #pro jedi #fictional monastic cultures do not need romance or marriage when every single media is non-monastic and oversaturated with romance #in defense of the jedi #long post #allonormativity #this was in my drafts but I’m taking it out ‘cause I’m just sick and tired of ppl acting like the Jedi are miserable over the Order’s rule #I’m taking it out because I’m just so sick and tired of ppl acting like the Jedi don’t make the active daily CHOICE to be a Jedi #I’m sick and tired of allonormative and amatonormative-minded ppl in the fandom #thank you George Lucas for creating the Jedi #sw meta #star wars meta #I wish our society could be more like Equestria and Pixie Hollow and the Jedi #Our society is a dystopia

[55sturn]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ BEEN AWAY

↳ masterlist!

↳ summary: in which y/n grows tired of chris constantly being whisked away on business trips and taken to fancy parties every weekend, she knows it’s part of the job but it’s taking a heavy toll on their relationship and she can’t take anymore.

↳ pairings: chris sturniolo × female!reader

↳ warnings: swearing, chris is stressed and kind of a dick, mentions of parties, implied sex, i lowkey shit on laura in this sorry not sorry, angst angst angst, oh and more angst!

↳ important things to note: this is completely fictional, i truly don’t think that chris would act the least bit toxic, like the way i’ve portrayed him in this piece or at all!

↳ important notes pt 2: purple text blocks are the lyrics that each part are based off of. during the text section, orange text is chris, and pink text is the reader!

THIRD PERSON POV

“I KNOW I BEEN AWAY, I’M JUST TRYNA GET MY PAPER STRAIGHT GIRL.”

chris sighed as his phone pinged with another text from his girlfriend, with every imessage ping, his heart clenched tighter in his chest.

his trips, more so the business trips that laura and the rest of the triplets’ networking and public relations team were taking them had begun to cause a massive strain on his relationship with y/n.

he would bring her along when he could but laura, his manager was adamant that these trips were meant for the triplets to build their network, so that their brands, the collective one all three shared and their own personal brands could grow and flourish. laura felt that the triplets’ personal relationships had no place in their professional lives and often made a point to exclude their significant others and relationships when planning their trips and events.

so when a trip or event was labelled as something to do with networking, it meant that y/n couldn’t tag along. and most of the time, at these events, the triplets were meant to paint their faces with effortlessly charming smiles and flirt with anyone they could, to gain a good rep.

and while y/n know what those networking trips and events entailed, her knowledge didn’t ease the loneliness and heartache she felt when she’d open up her phone to see backstage footage of the events. her heart would drop as girls would attach themselves to chris, flirting and hanging onto his every word, watching as he’d give the same flirty smile back to them.

y/n sighed tapping cautiously through private snap stories of some influencer party that was taking place, all of the most popular influencers making an appearance and posting about it, per their managers’ requests. as she paused in the middle of larray’s story, she saw chris in the corner, clear as day, talking to some pretty little blonde thing whose hand was on his bicep. rolling her eyes, she opened her texts with her boyfriend.

START OF TEXTS BETWEEN CHRIS AND Y/N

Y/N: when are you coming home? i’m tired and i can’t sleep without you

Y/N: chris???

CHRIS: i know i’ve been gone a while ma

CHRIS: i’ll be home soon, just gotta make a couple more rounds and reach out to ppl and offer to collab

Y/N: you say that every time chris

Y/N: and then you don’t come home until 3 or 4

Y/N: i’m sick of it chris i’m done

CHRIS: come on ma you don’t mean that

Y/N: whatever just be quiet when you get home i’m sleeping on the couch

CHRIS: ma come on, i’ll be home soon

*read 12:31 AM*

START OF TEXTS BETWEEN CHRIS AND Y/N

“THEY JUST WANNA FUCK WITH YOU, CAUSE THEY KNOW I FUCK WITH YOU.”

chris sighed as countless articles flood his screen, random female influencers claiming to be in some sort of lowkey relationship with him, random male influencers trying to get at his girl.

he knew it was only because he had finally announced that he and y/n were together. she had her own fanbase prior to be connected to the triplets and it only grew, but the growth came with overly possessive and protective supporters. and it became like that for chris as well. in theory the over and slightly intense protectiveness was endearing, to an extent.

but the fans created these rumours and let them swirl as a way to try and debunk the announcement of chris and y/n’s relationship, almost as if their respective fans were gatekeeping the two.

“do we say something? should we say something?” y/n mumbled, her face tucked into chris’ chest as they talked about the things metaphorically floating around online.

“no.”

“why not?” y/n piped up, her tone almost defensive and accusatory as she pulled away from his chest, her eyes boring into his.

“they’re only doing it because it’s confirmed that we’re fucking with each other. they wanna mess with us, get under our skin, and cause a rift so that we break up so they can try and swoop in. it’s better to pay those rumours no mind.” chris spoke, his hand rubbing up and down her thigh, squeezing lovingly as his hand reached her hip, letting her know that it was okay.

y/n sat up for a moment, letting his words sink in before nodding and laying back down in her previous position, knowing that she had to trust chris.

“IF I PUT MY TRUST IN YOU, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? WOULD YOU JUST STEP OUT? WOULD YOU THUG IT OUT?”

“i need you to trust me y/n! can you do that? can you please just trust me or do you want out of this relationship?” chris yelled, pacing his room as yet another fight broke out between the couple, rumours of chris cheating had been rampant for the last few weeks and it was getting harder for y/n to decipher what was true and what was false.

“i don’t know chris! every day it’s something new about you and some other chick and it’s getting to me! it’s hard to see what’s fake and what’s real right now when the whole online world is against us being together!”

“why are you paying attention to what’s being said online when i am right here telling you myself what’s true and what’s fake?” he yelled back, running his hands through his hair as she cried on his bed.

“chris you literally have to flirt with girls at those parties, what’s stopping it from becoming something real?”

“i don’t know, maybe the fact that i’m with you and not them?”

“chris we met just like that, at some stupid fucking social media party!” she spat, climbing off his bed and grabbing her jacket as he scoffed.

“so you think that just because you and i met that way, it means that i’ll throw away a relationship that means the world to me?” he seethed, laughing dryly as she rolled her eyes.

“no i think that you’ll throw it away because it doesn’t actually mean the world to you.”

“the fuck does that mean, y/n?”

“actions speak louder than words, chris, and you haven’t done a whole lot to show me what i mean to you.” she whispered, grabbing the rest of her things that had been scattered around his room as he shook his head.

“where are you going?”

“i need some space to think chris, we’re not over, but i need to spend a couple nights alone at my place, to calm down and collect myself. you should do the same.” she spoke, her voice small and uneven as she quickly made her exit, leaving chris to think to himself as he flopped down against his mattress.

“DON’T GIVE MY SHIT AWAY, I’M JUST TRYNA GET MY PAPER STRAIGHT, GIRL.”

“c’mon y/n, can’t you just store it somewhere?” chris groaned, trying to focus on the email he was typing up while on facetime with his now ex-girlfriend, y/n who sat on the floor in her apartment, going through a pile of chris’ clothes and other shit that she had rounded up.

“chris i don’t want your shit in my apartment, it hurts to look at it.”

“well whose fault is that?”

“i couldn’t handle it chris, you know that.”

“i know ma, i’m sorry, i’m just stressed and trying to get this email to some fuckin’ company out and i-i can’t do it while you’re sitting on call trying to hide your tears while you’re going through my shit because i prioritized my job over our relationship.” chris whispered, his voice cracked slightly as he looked back at her, watching as she wiped her tears.

“it just hurts so much chris, we should’ve been able to make it through. our love should’ve been strong enough.”

“it’ll be strong enough one day, i just gotta-“

“get through this part of your job, i know chris.”

“so please don’t give away my shit. just store it somewhere until you and i can make it through, okay?”

“okay.”

“THIS PENTHOUSE VIEW AIN’T AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU. DON’T EVER HAVE TIME, BUT I CAN MAKE TIME FOR YOU.”

chris anxiously bounced his leg as he waited for y/n to arrive, he had flown her out to the city he was in for work, and as timid as she was about showing up, she pushed herself to go. she missed him, his smell, his smile, his touch. god missed his hands in hers as they tangled themselves up in the sheets. so instead of being stubborn, she boarded that plane and made her way to chicago.

she stood outside the penthouse hotel room that chris and matt had booked, she felt her stomach turn, she was going to see him again, and god she needed this. with a raised but shaky fist, she rapped her knuckles against the door.

chris and y/n had spent a few hours exploring the city, visiting all the touristy spots that she had been dreaming of seeing for years. once they got back, they both took a hot, steamy shower, and spent their time reminding each other how much they loved one another.

“the view is gorgeous.” y/n whispered, her hair and face tucked into one of chris’ hoodies over a pair of lace panties that left little to the imagination as chris’ arms were wrapped around her waist with his chin tucked into the space between her jaw and shoulder.

“so i talked to laura, told her that i’ll be booking my own networking appointments and trips from now on, i’ll run them by her of course but i told her i’m making my schedule now. and that you’ll be my plus one to every single event, on every trip. you’ll be a part of everything.”

“chris, what?”

“i don’t have much time myself but i made a promise to you and to myself while you were in the flight here, that i will be making time for you. you come before my job from now on.”

“is that why you flew me out here?”

“yeah. you’re my girl and you deserve my time and attention. i’m so sorry i ever made you feel like you didn’t. i love you, ma. you’re more important than flashy trips and parties.”

“i love you chris.” y/n cried, as she turned in his arms and pressing affirm but loving kiss to his lips.

“i got my paper straight ma, it’s our time now.”

↳ taglist: @dylsdunbar @soursturniolo @4sturns @sturnsclutter @spencerstits @meanttomeet @bluesturniolo333 @graciereid @abbie13sworld @ghostofbrock @l9vesick @mylifeisevenstranger @bethsturn @verosivy

© 55STURN 2023 [ you do not have permission to copy or save or share my work to other platforms and devices! ]

#Spotify #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #christopher sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo x you #christopher sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo triplets x reader #sturniolo triplets x you #sturniolo triplets imagine

[bookofmirth]

Lele, I have a rambling though

We always have discussions about possibilities for SJM future books (especially acotar 5) and I always read interpretations that are done so very tastefully and with a lot of knowledge on text interpretation, book context and narratives

but the thing is… ppl always treat SJM as this super hiper mastermind and after HOFAS and how messy and not good it was (honestly it was terrible) … I’m a little afraid about acotar 5 and sjm choosing to go with the easiest way (which, for me, would be choosing Elriel - since with Gwyn she would have to treat her trauma her carefully and be more cautions on her narrative) and I don’t know if I see her doing it 😓

(Also… I would like to say as my last though of someone who is following her since 2018 - that SJM loves to write about powerful woman and the friendships between them and their bonds but to let the fandom be where it is today… young impressionable girls treating each other with such hostility and disrespect… I know she probably can’t say anything bc of contracts but man is a hard pillow to swallow that she “let” the fandom be where it is today… which is a horrible place.)

Anon, have some rambling thoughts of mine!!! hehehe

A big difference between acotar and hofas is how thoughtfully she generally treats the acotar characters. I've been thinking a lot about this the past few days and the main thing I dislike about hofas is how the plot and world building absolutely take over everything to the detriment of the characters. I cannot understate how much I dislike Bryce, and I've always pinpointed her lack of consistent values as the core reason why. hofas really, really emphasized that writing flaw. Not character flaw, but writing flaw.

People acting like sjm is some mastermind drives me crazy when we can see all the plot holes and inconsistencies and retcons. One of these days, someone should make a list of them. Anyway, she mentioned rereading the acotar series sometime last year, and I would bet you good money that she did so in order to see what she can use. She has said explicitly that she isn't great at world building and she has also said that she didn't plan the crossover until she was writing hosab. That means any connection we see between hofas and, for instance, acomaf, is a result of her going backwards to see what she can use. Not the other way around. She "planned" in the sense that she wrote really vague stuff in the first place so that she could use it how she wanted to later on. That has become really apparent to me with the crossover.

Like... for example, Mor's power is "truth". Vague as fuck, right? I would bet good money (again haha like I'm rich) that sjm didn't even know what that meant in acomaf other than "I need a reason for the mortal queens to trust Mor". And then she'll figure out the mechanics and technicalities later and the fandom will call her brilliant for it. *facepalm*

I don't see e*riel being easy at all. But that's all I will say about that hehe.

Gwyn's story aligns perfectly with what sjm has already been doing in acotar, with Rhys and Lucien, and to an extent Nesta. I don't have any concerns there because I think her strength is in her characterization. (CC is just... another beast.) There was an interview she did a while back where she talked about the movie Promising Young Woman and it really emphasized to me that sjm's particular brand of feminism revolves around gender and sex. This isn't a critique, just a statement of what I've observed. My point is that she is very aware of rape culture and has strong feelings about it and gives characters the space to heal on page, and so that's not really a concern of mine, especially in acotar.

To your final point, I got SO frustrated the other day in the group chat, @sabrinasam said it was the most frustrated she's ever seen me haha. I'm so tired of sjm and the publisher being coy about this!!!! But mostly, I am so, so sick of people in this fandom treating each other like shit just because they don't agree on ships. Like it's one thing to have notps and brotps and to be annoyed by or even hate certain characters. It's a completely different thing when people feel totally comfortable going out in public and treating other actual, real, human people like absolute garbage because of those feelings.

Azriel is never gonna lick your fucking home entertainment center!!! Get the fuck over it!!!!!!!!!

I don't think that sjm is at fault for this because I think that people are responsible for their own actions. I also fully believe that the people taking screenshots and mocking them publicly (of people who probably have them blocked anyway, fucking stalkers) or just outright attacking people on different platforms would be doing that exact same thing whether it was about sjm or not. Like you could just stick them in another fandom, and these people would act the same deplorable way.

Anyway. I'm fucking tired. I'm still excited for acotar5 and will continue that series and when I was doing a lil voice chat with my friends for hours last weekend it revived my enjoyment of acotar and ToG. The fandom just makes it a lot of work, trying to have fun.

#I was watching Will and Grace the other day #and Jack calls his crotch his Home Entertainment Center #I repurposed that joke because I laughed so hard #antielriel #ask #anon #hofas #hofas spoilers #acotar #fandom wank #acotar fandom #sjm critical

[rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me]

hii :) i hope you’re doing good! i saw that request are open so i want to ask for curly showing off his gf to everyone when he’s jealous or to make other ppl jealous 🫶

A/N: Oh this was fun Nonny, thanks so much for the request!

So! I believe we’ve talked a little bit about this before, especially over here in this set of headcanons about Ponyboy being interested in Curly’s S/O

But yeah, I just have fun talking about Curly so we’re gonna do this again and go a little more in-depth!

Serious relationships, I have a feeling, would be a big deal for Curly

I don’t see him as being the one to bring home a new person every week, I can barely see him bringing home a person to begin with-

I think he’s got a bit of a reputation? For messing around with who he’s going out with but never really wanting to settle down?

I have lots more emotions about that ^^ @mysemantics knows that and I’d be very happy to explain more of my personal headcanons for him later <3

But back on track, it’s rare for Curly to truly settle with someone so if you’re lucky enough to call him yours, and he’s calling you his, you’re already on a great track

Curly, when he’s happy and comfortable, will have no problem hanging all over you and begging you for attention, similar to a love-sick puppy

But when he’s around his boys, he may try to act a little tougher

He’s got a reputation to keep up, alright, babe? No one’s gonna be afraid of the Shepard outfit if they see Curly walking around, fingers linked with yours as you giggle over something

That being said, when the time comes, he’d do anything for you

No matter who’s around, if you’re in trouble or need something, talk to him

Curly would do anything he could for you, he’d move the mountains if you so much as say the word, I cannot stress how giving this boy is in relationships where he feels loved

Come up to him, overwhelmed at a party or tired at the drive-in, and ask to leave and Curly is immediately setting down his beer, saying goodbye to his boys so he can take care of you <3

He’ll give you his jacket, give you his clothes, ask to have one of your rings if you wear them, maybe one of your necklaces if you don’t do rings

He wants to be yours and much as you want to be his 

And I’m assuming this ask is sort of asking for more of the physical side of this too?

Not just all the sweet things that Curly does to show everyone you’re his?

So we’ll talk a little about those things too, fear not <3

If he’s a little buzzed, just a little laid-back and comfortable, Curly isn’t afraid to kiss you in front of everyone

I’m not talking like nice, little, chaste kisses, he’ll give you those everywhere

He’ll kiss you in the booths at the diners, when you wait in line for popcorn at the drive-in, or when you’re hanging out in the party crowd and he’s trying to convince you to fetch another beer for him

I’m talking about making out with you out the outskirts of the parties, tucked into your own little corner somewhere while he tests how far he can go, fingers dancing over the hem of your shirt <3

Also?

Possessive kisses.

Y'know those kisses when someone isn’t getting the hints you’re dropping about you being happily taken and uncomfortable in the situation and won’t stop bothering you

Curly has absolutely no qualms about coming up, looping an arm around your waist, and staring down whoever decided to mess with you

After, of course, giving you a really deep kiss, cupping your jaw in his hand to keep your face close to his

And then, I feel like it’s obvious, but hickeys?

Like, you’re gonna wanna seriously invest in some nice foundation if you go out with Curly

He likes kissing you, and sometimes kissing leads to hickeys and as long as he has your permission, he will cover your neck and shoulders in them <3

Also having his hand tucked into your back pocket, slipping its way down to hold onto your ass because you can’t look me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn’t

So yeah! That’s about all I got, hope this is what you were looking for Nonny!

#the outsiders #the outsiders hcs #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders x reader #dillo’s writing #curly shepard #curly shepard x reader

[yezzyyae]

I hate Sydney Adamu so much I made my mom stay up 12am this morning so I can explain everything I hate about it! I really hate Sydney I hate how ppl make her out to be this savior or how she makes Carmy better which the fuck she don’t! Carmy did not need help from Sydney he was grieving his relationship with Mickey & his suicide. Dealing with “The Beef” which is a family restaurant but Sydney came in being this arrogant person that Carmy needed her help! Carmy didn’t need help with the menu or the design of the restaurant. I don’t know why Sydney is even there acting like he needs to call her for every approval. Only Natalie & Jimmy & Carmy needs to communicate because they are the ones with the money. Not Sydney talking about she wants a “star” fuck her! Well go open your own restaurant Sydney & get your star ⭐️ fucking weirdo! Carmy needs to put his foot down & fire Sydney she can’t handle pressure, she oversteps Carmy’s boundaries(involving Claire), and she is not respectful to Richie at all! I don’t root for Sydney at all & I am a 34 y/o BLACK WOMAN FROM Philadelphia! Sydney is not a good person she is hurt that’s why she came in the restaurant hurting Richie & even hurting Carmy by putting pressure on him. Smh she don’t respect anyone’s boundaries but want hers respected! And Sydney can’t cook I stand by it name one meal she made that everybody liked smh not one time!

Carmy don’t even know she stalked his whole career & life! She lied when she was asked “why she want to work there” she is a creepy weirdo! Even her not telling Carmy that her mom is dead when she was talking about the annual dinner her & her father have is soo weird! Like Sydney wtf why imply that your mother is still alive she is a weirdo! I hate her character and everything she stand for smh 2 seasons of a headache!

And her vomiting 🤮 at the end of season 2 episode 10 better for her health and not some anxiety effect cause that’s just corny! She better be sick & not like anxiety took over her so much that night when she didn’t do anything but watch everything Carmy did which is not her job. Sydney is the CDC so that means Carmy can be anywhere do anything he wants but she have to have control of the restaurant w/out being a weirdo and questioning Carmy about why he going to Claire’s table 😡that made me soo pissed and when he told her to refire the “7 fishes” she argued back with him & he said “I’m sorry” 1st not her but 5 mins before she was arguing with Tina and didn’t think Tina should say anything back to her & do what she say. I am so confused how Sydney think Carmy can’t confront her or challenged esp in the kitchen it’s disrespectful to him & it’s weird. Every woman is not always correct I’m tired of them trying to make Sydney like she is the only sane person! She is disrespectful to Carmy esp in the kitchen she always saying something back always!

Carmy is one of the best chefs in the world and Sydney only had a catering business & she is impatient & green! I don’t understand why ppl think Carmy needs Sydney to be better. Smh it’s disrespectful to Carmy’s skills and accomplishments! Carmy got stuck in the walk in because he was arguing with Sydney then he had to say “I’m sorry” 1st. Smh which is not fair because when Carmy say something in the kitchen nobody should challenge him esp NOT FUCKING SYDNEY!

Sydney have no respect for Carmy! Sydney knows she can take advantage of Carmy. Smh Carmy deserves better his mind is already fragile. Sydney never gave him a hug or said “I’m sorry about your loss” so how is everybody so in love with Sydney. And Carmy had every right to scream & yell at Sydney for not being prepared & forgetting about the tab on the “pre-order” option! Sydney never accepts responsibility for her actions it’s annoying! Now a person can stab a person at work because Sydney is black which is bullshit because Carmy sent Richie to help make the sauce and Sydney being a bitch that she is & mad that Carmy finally saw her mistake took it out on Richie which is fucked up but nobody seems to see that!

#the bear #the bear fx #jeremy allen white #carmy berzatto #richie x sydney #sydcarmy #anti Sydney x Carmy #carmy x sydney #CarmyisnotinlovewithSydney #I hate Sydney so much

[cocain3katesblog]

Ik this my Ed page but I just have to let this out there somehow. I just wanna let you the few ppl that follow me know who tired I am of fighting. I constantly have to battle my sadness and the way I do that is by not eating. I don’t eat so it can overwhelm the sadness. Everyday passes by but I still feel like I’m living the same day over and over again. I wish can’t handle this sadness anymore. I see my life from afar and I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything I feel like a background character in my own life story. How is this even possible ? I lost someone so dear to my heart and this January will be 2 years without them. I saw them struggle with feeling good down bc they were sick and I wouldn’t eat too so they didn’t feel alone in their battle. Now I can’t stop eating and think how I’ve let that person down. My own family even doesn’t like me. All the sudden they started to act like they care when that person passed. Even my own brother and father talk about me behind my back. I don’t want to physically harm myself bc I don’t want ppl to see how badly I’m struggling in the outside. I’d rather starve and suffer from the inside and slowly wither away like a wilted flower in the breeze. I hope no one finds this because I’m usually not the vulnerable type especially on social media but Ik this platform and the ppl that follow me share a similar story where it all started. I’m starving myself until I drop dead so I can just see that person again. I’m not brave enough to physically do anything to myself to end up dead so I decided to just waste away. That person was my main source of happiness and my only true friend. I can’t believe it took the passing of that persons death to realize that person was my entire world. I usually was able to sleep away the pain but now the pain has followed me into my dreams where I thought I could escape. I wake up crying or in my dreams I am crying and I can feel my facial expressions mimic crying. I don’t want help. I’m too far gone to be helped. Everyday I pray to god to just let me be free from the body and let me see that person one more time. I’d leave everything behind for that person. Every birthday wish, everyday New Year’s resolution, every night before I go to bed, I beg and plead to god to free me from this pain, this endless suffering. I told God to make that person better and I’ll do anything, anything! I’ll be a better person I’ll devote my life to the church I’ll detransition, I’ll do wtv it takes. In the end I guess my prayers weren’t heard. I cry almost everyday even when I laugh so hard I have tears running down my face for some reason I have the feeling to cry and just shut up and sit in silence. The day that person passed I looked in the mirror and saw someone else. Someone different. I didn’t recognize myself. I still don’t. I feel like I’m wearing someone else’s face. I don’t wish this on my worst fucking enemy. The loss of someone this close to you. I drown my sorrow by listening to sad music and reading poetry like Sylvia Plath and it does help for a little to know that someone in the world has felt this pain before and that I’m not alone but yet I look around and I see everything living their lives and I’m feel like I’m stuck. Maybe I deserve this torture. I put that person thru hell and back and even my own family says that I didn’t make their passing any easier. At the time I didn’t know to to express my feelings. How do you think a 15 year old highschool student is supposed to react to the news that someone you love is slowly passing away and you’re just watching? I was such a bad kid to that person and I’d do anything to have them back in my life. I want that person to hit me, yell at me, tell me how worthless I’ll be but at least I’ll that person would still be here. That person never hurt a single hair on my head and was just the sweetest soul a person can imagine. I still question why that person ? Why not me? Why did they have to suffer when I was the bad one? If I could , I’d be gone tmr but I can’t

[aizenat]

I’m like dying because the person who made that weird op with Assad saying he looked like an assistant in a porno is in my dms asking me to delete because it was “a joke.” And also they are super sorry that “it didn’t come out the way I meant” but they were “being ironic” and “didn’t mean to come off as perverted.”

I’m so sick and tired of ppl acting like because their joke didn’t land the way they wanted that ppl didn’t get it or something. It was an obvious joke. A boring and random one. You think Assad looks sexy playing a more…intense character (as Armand). And because you’re someone who is pornsick, to articulate how hot you found him you had to compare him to a porno. One that didn’t make any sort of sense but you pretended it did work somehow to justify the comparison so you can gush over how hot you find him.

I’ve seen tons of (mostly) women in the iwtv fandom gush over Assad’s scenes from the teaser trailer. I’ve seen many takes on that specific shot (he looks ready to fuck that old man hard/id die if he looked at me like that/oooh the mask is off now/he looks ready to tear someone’s throat apart/he’s in control now!/I want him to tear my clothes off and fuck me/I want to see him tear Louis’ clothes off and fuck him/the look of a psychopath/etc). Many of those takes are thirsty as hell. Parched, even. Dehydrated.

And yet I haven’t seen anyone decide to make up a very weird and specific porn scenario. And as someone who watched more than my fair share of porn back in the day, I didn’t understand where that comparison came from because I’d never seen a porno like that. It seems like a hyper specific scenario that only those who watch porn like it’s daytime tv would know about. It’s not playing on typical porn tropes that we can all make and laugh at; no pizza delivery who get their tip though sex from the lady of the house, no “right in front of my salad” moments, and not even a “girl gets stuck in a washing machine and for some reason a guy has to have sex with her to help” that I’ve seen ppl make fun of in skits (and the ads from such are on a lot of manga hosting sites I frequent for some reason).

Like that scenario was just random and a self report. Don’t want someone to call you pornsick, then don’t bring up porn in a situation that never called for it.

[mariproducer]

Venting about s5 bible stuff under the cut it’s gonna be disjointed I just need to let out my thoughts

absolutely no mention of chat blanc in the bible besides it being placed in the special akumatization section... ofc the bible is simply an outline so there’s a chance it could be brought up (e.g. in evolution we had no indication that young! alix was going to be forced to remain in the burrow until monarch was defeated) but i have no clue which episode it could be brought up in. and the fact that the bible has no indication of an identity reveal and the discussion of cb ... kinda needs one to begin with since it involves identities... who fuckin knows

so far there has been a contradiction with the bible where nathalie shit talks gabriel for his stupidity even though the bible says she has her own ulterior motives buttt then again this is mlb king of inconsistency soooo whos to say this mindset will stick (or the bible is to a T with the plot)

also ^ no mention of sentimonster shenanigans which is uh. hm. ok then? on one hand, it makes me feel like all this sentimonster teasing was a fuckin joke or smth, on the other hand this means the sentimonster stuff was likely squeezed in at the last minute if theres no proper mention of adrien OR felix possibly being sentimonsters (or maybe i misread? idk i looked at every instance of felix on the doc and found nothing)

speaking of felix... mostly nothing on him... which is frankly disappointing, as someone who’s always excited to see him on screen. i mean thanks for the confirmation that he’ll transform with the peacock miraculous and make one sentimonster? oh and he has a different last name ... erm ok then... he’s hardly present ANYWHERE on the script and its making me ☹️ bc he was the most interesting character we’ve gotten (Cuz he had motivations and acted out on his own volition) and boom nothing of note...

i don’t wanna hope bc i hate having expectations especially when they’re likely to be let down but grrrr i just want more felix damnit...

worried for the possible chance of ppl ripping into kagami again. the plotlines lined up for her in s5 just reek of “we need to make a character ooc to fit a specific plotline we want” and its just UGHHH kagami doesn’t deserve this! at all! i need to get her out of this show NOW

im sick and tired of andre the ice cream man and im even more sick and tired that most mar!chat episodes have to do with this guy! (and no weredad is NOT any better) like fuck this guy i hope his business goes under 

tbh the lila shit and the “adrien never finds out his dad is hawkmoth” shit deserves its own goddamn post because what. the. actual. FUCK.

im still in tears (in a funny yet sad way) that they literally could not feasibly write off luk@nette in canon bc they had to ship luka off to another country for the rest of the season like LMFAO??? but also I HATE YOU?? i knew that they had him learn their identities to screw him over one way or another 

the reverse LS stuff is stupid bc why the hell does adrien suddenly develop feelings for marinette like seriously WHERE THE HELL DID IT COME FROM look i get why lb -> cn even if its so hamfisted i could at least see the logic here but ADRIEN -> MARINETTE??? adr!enette HARDLY got any screentime last season and when they did it was the bare minimum and hardly compared to their scenes in prior seasons so like wtf

why the fuck is there a miracle box in antarctica WHO PLACED IT THERE LOL

Ok m done for now let’s talk about positive things bc there are some things I’m looking forward to!

Alya as Scarabella FOR THREE EPISODES! sure the premise of two of those episodes sucks balls but im happy to see scarabella in action again

im actually excited for one episode: Determination! The akumatized villain takes us back to the wax museum but this time it seems like she’ll bring to life wax statues of all the heroes so idk maybe im excited for big fights. 

#ml leaks #mlb leaks #ml bible leak

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

1 and 5

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

hmm, well I can read this in a couple ways. like, i can usually get WHY someone ships something but a lot of the times i either fail to see the appeal or they’re so fanon it might as well be different characters, so why the insistence of the ship? otherwise, i can often think it’s a good ship but just not get why people are so obsessed with it or why it’s their OTP

so, everyone knows I’m gonna say sonadow, but this also applies to blazamy and infidget. like, it screams “i need a basic mlm ship where i just replace one character with a self insert and woobify the other one, and i’ll erase the canon love interest by giving her comphet and shipping her with the other girl character that way everyone is happy” like 💀 the creativity is on the floor. hell, gadget isn’t even a real canon character he’s just a fandom-owned oc! i’m cool with oc ships, but the people who declare him a real character confuse the hell out of me because he doesn’t have a canon personality or traits beyond the universal avatar so like. no he’s not lol. (you can like gadget btw i just don’t get ships with him especially infidget)

on a less “y’all are whack” scale and moreso a just “i don’t understand your lifestyle but it’s cool” i gotta say, a lot of the idw ships people have and yes this includes tangle and whisper because LOOK I LOVE THEM THE SHIP IS GREAT but it’s like, “mlegh i canon do much with this” energy. i get the ship but i don’t get the enthusiasm, y’know? bugbear is an exception btw

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

Hahahahahahaha, YES! now, bsc veterans may remember that i was doxxed by sonadow shippers in the 2000’s fandom, and that a certain discord server resulted in the near death of a bestie (long story that i hate talking about for privacy reasons, but i’m not exaggerating). y’allso know i’m not really good with its sister ship blazamy because i just mentioned it

HOWEVER. i have bigger issues with EVERY SILVER SHIP and wavouge. wavouge was literally my cool fruity best friends who are also girlfriends but not exclusively girlfriends because they’re like,,, free spirits and stuff. and y’all DOMESTICATED them. jail. prison. you turned them into blazamy again but this time with the stereotypical “omg hot girls do crime and they were girlfriends” trope. it screams tumblr “make everything lesbians” culture and it grosses me out. it’s like those fucking posts where someone talks about rewriting a story or myth or fixing a ship in a show or suggesting a media prompt and then someone responds with “but make it gay/what if they were both girls/let then be lesbians” and it’s just more basic lesbians. bland. boring. unoriginal. the fandom has taken so many cool relationship dynamics and just reduced them down to “uwu cute gay ppl i love them aaaa” like WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE EDGY SPICE!!! THE DEPTH!!! THE FLAVOUR!!! i’m like not aggressive mad rn i’m goofy-mad for the record because this shit bothers me but don’t hold every word i say as “the ultimate truth” i’m just casually rambling. you can have joke posts like a lot of my infinite doodles and how i respond to asks about dog&hog, but the difference is that is for HUMOUR and they are still dark complex characters in my canon even when i don’t take them seriously on tumblr

but anyways, back to silver. one word: woobification. i do not trust anyone with silver ships except myself and like a few other besties because it’s such gross mischaracterization for me? between him and scourge, some people just do not know how to act and make them so pathetic and docile and borderline stupid. i can’t enjoy most silver ships because a good portion of the content will just piss me off lolol. like, when silver is treated the same way as kat valentine from victorious i know something is SERIOUSLY wrong. ruins so much fandom content for me personally

also this isn’t ship-specific and it’s usually taboo to mention, but i am sick and tired of the intense feminization of transmasc characters. i know people will always respond with “oh but you can’t say that you’re attacking real transmascs who look like that! they can identify however they want!” but i would like to remind you that i am talking about fake people, not real ones. when an actual transmasc identifies with feminine traits and rocks that shit, they’re a real person who is well rounded with interests and likes and personality. when a FICTIONAL CHARACTER is reduced to their transness and frequently exploited for it, it makes me extremely uncomfortable and ruins characters and the ships they’re in for me. the fact that people project so hard onto these characters to an unhealthy degree that my criticisms of the fanonization feels like personal attacks on their identity says it all: let go of the blorbo, they are not yours and they are not you. let other people disagree with the fanon and not make it about how they invalidate your existence, because this has nothing to do with you actually.

and before someone comments, i do NOT mean we should abolish trans characters or not draw them with non-transitioned traits. you have have trans characters in your ships, etc etc but some of y’all just do not know how to act lol. some of my tumblrbesties on here have fantastic trans rep (you know who you are) and if fandom was more like them, a lot of ships wouldn’t be ruined for me

#bsc ships #oh boy #i wonder how many people i’ll piss off #oh wait i don’t care! #it’s my opinion anyways #thank you anon for enabling me

[moboxcritique]

If I don’t wish ppl to just freely use my Ocs I shouldn’t nessesery be FORCED to be allowing ppl to free use them

I truely loved them all, that’s why I bought them bc I wish them to myself! I loved them a LOT they where everything to me, legit everything.. they where massive comforts who helped me trough my days and life by drawing them, I get straight pressured and now cannot see the joy anymore they once gave me bc of y’all. I legit are sick and tired of the harrasment your page is doing, false shit and then hurt me in tons of ways unawared of what y’all actually do with this page, unawared of the suffering I need to go trough! I’m no longer gonna by Ocs from mobox if I’m not allowed to even keep them to myself without ppl abusing them!( indeed it’s abuse missusing someone else’s ocs without permission) not even COPYRIGHT has shit to say with Ocs what so ever, I’ve asked tons of ppl who owens Ocs if I’m in the wrong and they all disagree and told me I have my rights!

Please for the love of earth leave me alone, I’ve stopped bying Ocs so at last leave me the fuck alone, and know I can block WHO EVER I wish whenever I like! If I get uncomfortable I block ppl. If im uncomfortable ppl checking my acc everytime bc of this page? I block I consider this stalking :/ all im asking y’all stop this nonsense of drama, I apologise if I’ve been a dick when it came to the amino but I acted out of impulse. All im asking y’all leave me the fuck out of this page from now of, I have enough to deal with in life rn and don’t need more shit I need to get peace thank you!

... We're not even really talking about you right now, we're talking about what happened with the Amino situation when it had just happened

But it still feels pretty scummy of you to say that you were giving people permission to draw your OCs you bought from Mob, and then literally a day later you decide to sell them anyway

Which, you selling them is perfectly fine by me, but you could've at least waited a few days to say it instead of a day afterward

It's just, the timing of that felt really wrong. And we're not forcing you to do anything either, we just don't like your rules you had put in place for your OCs, you know?

Just because we don't like your rules doesn't mean that you should feel forced to change them or whatever, nor are we harassing you either, harassing someone is what you did to Miner after he made his comic. What we're doing isn't really harassment, we're just stating our two cents on the matters

If you think that just mentioning a person is harassment, then again, take a good hard look at yourself and leave the internet for a while. Or at least just leave us be

#mod cagney #ask #kawaii jeffery kun

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hi, thanks for answering, i appreciate it. also that you didn’t just call me toxic or some shit and tell me to fuck off. i’ve actually never thought of joining a discord server but it’s a good idea, thank you, i think i could try that. i guess on another account though to prevent anyone from accidentally finding out bc you know for yourself how it is. i’ll look up if i can find some kind of dbt workbooks online as well.

the journaling idea is good as well, i’ve actually been trying for a while but i end up rarely using it as a past experience left me with kinda bad trust issues about writing / drawing things down where someone could see them. but i guess i could try hiding it better this time or something. it’s just this thing that also sometimes venting like that actually ends up making me even more frustrated, as i realize i’ve already written about this exact thing countless times before yet still nothing has changed.

i’m trying not to make a too harsh judgement of my therapist yet, considering i haven’t been seeing her for that long, but… yeah. when i said that i’ve been going to therapy for years i meant going to a lot of different ones in this time. no one ever gets me. their advice is always so fucking useless. honestly at least this current one actually listens and doesnt make me feel uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. i think she’s the one i’ve been the most honest with because of that (and also because i just started telling her everything from the first session on already bc i’m tired of everyone always turning out to be nothing but a waste of time and money and effort), i generally lie to therapists esp my psychiatrist so i can get the meds i want (or else im 100% she’d just put me on some shit like antipsychotics, which ive been on in the past and i’d honestly rather kill myself than take them again, idk if you’ve tried them before but i basically felt r*tarded [idk how some ppl are sensitive of slur use like i personally dont care but i dont want your blog banned or smth] and tired all the time and it “”””helped”””” in the way that it made me too slow to be able to think about my problems. thanks psychiatry. not a traumatizing experience at all). i mentioned that i suspect i could have a personality disorder to her once or twice and she seemed to agree that it could be a possibility, but obviously no one can diagnose that fast. but i guess i’ll see. i really just want to know whats wrong with me, why do i think the way i do, why i can’t just be more fucking normal no matter how hard i try. but getting an actual diagnosis of a PD esp if it turned out to be this one would just mean i’d get treated even worse by every single doctor, not even necessarily a mental health one, bc physical doctors see all your records as well,, i’ve already been told my legitimate physical issues are just bc im depressed, or even if they dont straight up tell me they definitely treat me less seriously and i just know its bc i have mental illnesses diagnoses & im female.

i just … ugh. i feel so sick of it all and misunderstood. i know i can get genuinely abusive in arguments when someone upsets me but i really dont know how to stop or control myself. i hate that people act as if it’s all my fault. like everything i’ve gone through doesn’t even matter and i’m just an inherently evil person. like i didn’t have some kind of a terribly traumatic childhood, but i’ve always been either bullied or excluded by almost everyone i’ve ever met and all the social isolation honestly really fucked me up. i think that’s why i developed such a strong individuality complex as i’ve never been able to think all of it must be simply because i’m worthless. like fuck no, 99% of the people are dumb and shallow and ignorant towards reality of the world and i’m supposed to feel like i’m somehow worse than them? at least i have self awareness and my own thoughts. i mean i do think we’re all worthless because nothing in life has any value, so why should humanity be the exception? that still doesn’t stop me from hating everyone though. i may be a hypocrite but so is everyone else; and at least i don’t pretend to be a gOoD pErSoN. lacking empathy and not having morals doesn’t make me any less deserving of help even though i know how many people unironically believe people like me should just be shot. fucking brainless hypocrites, all of them.

but anyway yeah my point here is, fuck people who think anyone chooses to be this way. all of this has done nothing good for me other than made my life much harder. and not to mention unable to ever get genuinely close to anyone because what is the worth in a relationship if i can’t even bring myself to care about anyone? i don’t think “empaths” even realize how alienating it actually is. which is once again so ironic because THEY should be the ones to try to understand it, but no, they just generalize everyone and share the nonsense propaganda that we’re incapable of change.

so yeah, this turned into another vent but i really lack any people in my life who i could be honest with. i feel so lonely all the time. it’s not even really missing a friend group or romance or physical touch, it’s more of this feeling of feeling completely alone and that no one (other than a few people whose writings and actions i admire but they’re all dead) would ever be able to truly understand me. so yeah as cheesy as it is, sometimes it’s nice to be reminded i’m not alone by someone other than a generic social media post made by someone who’d 100% hate me if i told them even half this shit. can i maybe dm you sometime btw? i felt like staying anon while writing this bc i tend to get anxious with ppl at first but idk, maybe, if youre comfortable with that ofc

btw if its alright to ask can i ask how did you get diagnosed? what was the process like and how long did it take? did they suspect anything else at first? do you feel treated by ppl any differently now tjat you have a diagnosis of such a stigmatized disorder? (^ i mean these previous questions if youre diagnosed by a psych, if not its perfectly valid as well ofc) whats personally helping u to cope?

Good luck! I’m glad I could offer some help/reassurance. Maybe instead of a physical journal you could use a private blog or even just a notes app on your phone/computer if that sounds safer?

I do hope things improve with your new therapist and that things work out, it’s good that she at least agrees you might have a PD. Normally I’d recommend a therapist who specializes in PDs, maybe even especially NPD, but idk if that’s accessible for you and/or if you’ve already tried it and had no luck.

But again, I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and what you’re going through and what you feel is 100% relatable to other pwNPD. I truly wish that more people understood us and the irony isn’t lost on me that it’s always “empaths” who are the ones who have the LEAST empathy for us. And I feel like the societal lack of understanding contributes to the more “ugly” or “stigmatized” traits of our disorder even more, tbh. Anyway, my point is that I definitely don’t mind at all if you vent, so please do feel free to DM me if you want to or feel more comfortable that way!

As for my diagnosis, it’s a bit messy — for context im a recent graduate from college and the bulk of my therapy came from campus services, where it was acknowledged I very likely had a PD especially within cluster B but I never got an official diagnosis while I was seeing the school-based therapist, and at the moment I’m trying to find a new therapist who can help me. At first we thought I just had a really intense form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria due to ADHD, then realized it was likely something else. So I’m a weird mix of “self diagnosed, but likely wouldn’t have admitted it to myself or realized it if a professional hadn’t pointed me in that direction.” Until I can find a professional im honestly just doing the best I can to help myself. Sometimes I get tempted to turn to substances to cope bc they make me softer and more open, and if you feel the same way I highly recommend avoiding this, ofc. I mostly use relatable music (lmk if you want my NPD playlist!) and DBT workbooks as a way to help myself, and I also just try my hardest to avoid or remove myself from situations where I might lose my cool and become toxic. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there are ways to do it. For instance, if I’m in a group chat where I feel like people are getting more attention than me, I’ll mute the group chat and maybe text someone from a different group one-on-one (not necessarily about my issues, just in general).I know that answer is pretty mild and entirely social media based lol, but it’s the best example I can provide.

[troglobite]

told my mom i was anxious abt working for her again bc the last time i did, i was doing v badly and i failed. terribly. i let her down and embarrassed her and ruined everything. 

i explicitly said that. out loud. that i was worried abt doing that.

she insisted i “didn’t fail” which is horseshit

i finally caved bc i need the money

then she waits TWO WEEKS to get me started

and doesn’t even manage to hand me the project I ASKED TO HELP WITH

instead forces me to do testimonials which I DID NOT WANT TO DO

keeps saying it’s easy

it’s not, it’s really not. 

it involves emailing a shitload of ppl

and this first one she’s making me do? involves emailing churches. i’m so fucking tired. so as if that wasn’t bad enough, the turnaround is INCREDIBLY TIGHT.

meanwhile she gave this to me when i had to start working on all of the prep and puzzles for my second game session

my next session is the 17th

these are due the 19th

so i’m like, it’s fine, i went through all of the comments, now i just want her approval (which i won’t have to do in the future) and send out these emails w edited/corrected versions of the comments. it’ll be fine. i have until the 20th (WHICH IS WHAT SHE TOLD ME ORIGINALLY)

now she emails me today asking if i’m going to get them done

i’m like ??? yes what the fuck did you think?

somebody at the company emailed to ask her if they were on track to finish the testimonials by the 19TH NOT THE 20TH

and she emailed me abt it

then when i said i’d be doing them today she said

“oh i thought you said that two days ago”

i’m going to fucking scream

i DID. i said it on sunday--then yesterday i felt bad and slept in and then we had to decorate our tree and i had to shower and i REALLY needed to get started on the PUZZLE CREATION FOR MY GAME. so that’s what i prioritized. i spent abt 10 mins on testimonials, gathering them to send to my mom to approve.

i deliberately tried to sleep and wake up earlier last night/today so i could have more time to do things today. 

and here she is emailing me basically insinuating that i’m ALREADY FALLING BEHIND AND FAILING

WHEN SHE GAVE ME BARELY ANY TIME TO GET THESE DONE BECAUSE I HAVE MY OWN FUCKING TIME CONSUMING PROJECT TO DO, TOO, THAT’S GOTTA BE DONE BEFORE THIS

i straight up just emailed her explaining all of this and saying that if she thinks i can’t do it then just take it away from me. bc i’m fucking sick of this.

i TOLD her i didn’t want to do work for her bc i fucked up last time and she HATED me for it.

and now i’m doing it and she

1. didn’t give me the project i asked for that i knew i could do

2. didn’t accurately describe the work i would have to do

3. forgot that the first campaigns i’d have to do would require me, a queer trans person w a “weird” name, to communicate with CHURCHES

4. forgot that this campaign was due REALLY FUCKING SOON

5. didn’t understand that this is ACTUALLY DIFFICULT, ENERGY/EMOTION-CONSUMING WORK FOR ME which is WHY I DIDN’T WANT TO DO IT

and now i’ve put it off for one fucking day and she’s already acting like i’m a failure

i hate everything

i was going to get out of bed like ages ago and now i’m just laying really fucking angry

and she’s in the kitchen making as much noise as she possibly can

and i’m fucking tired

[hopeididntscareyou]

if i have the opportunity i would like to spend my day with the elderly and go to disneyland or wherever that would make them feel young again. it would really make me super happy. i always have a soft spot for older people. i like taking care of the elderly more than children. old people have so much wisdom. the fact that they lived for atleast five decades already earned my respect because i had always planned to die early. And to be completely honest, i’m sick of hanging out with people my own age. in my generation i feel like a lot of people are broken with trust issues, lacking self-awareness, principles and don’t know how to work through their issues. its been normalized to just block/delete and treat people like they are just objects to be thrown away and replaced. people act like ghosting is acceptable. in fact a lot of popular videos on youtube just teach people to become dismissive avoidants. They are forgetting that by being petty they also forget kindness, respect and compassion for others. Its like everybody's on defensive mode. i’m honestly so appalled by this culture and environment. i’m tired of all these mind games and narcissistic shit i have to play just to feel satisfied when dealing with them. It feels like chasing a high that is nonexistent, and the only happiness you could achieve is the society's standards, but not your own. In reality its just all a cycle of broken people doing broken things to each other. I am not really like that yknow? i have a big heart and a genuine love to share. it sucks not being able to be that person just because of petty reasons that don’t even matter. 

actually, i just had that epiphany recently, as i’ve stumbled upon some disturbing movies i’ve seen before in my teens, which has been a very heavy process for me tbh, its like i was forced into extreme exposure response therapy, some of them were;

Women’s Flesh: My Red Guts -

Basically a hardcore self mutilation porn. Girl tortured and ate herself to death (literally) after her boyfriend broke up with her. Very gory, she even ate her insides. What the fuck. for me the disturbing part is the psychology of this person. like wow how much hatred you have in yourself to do this kind of shit and for the most pettiest reason. The fact that this movie was made is disturbing, there is no purpose in this movie other than to give fanservice to sickfucks who hates women and hates themselves. some people make jokes that she’s the ultimate girl boss, which is even more disturbing. i knew ppl who watch this are no good.

Tumbling Doll of Flesh: snuff porn, enough said. definitely not for beginners. and its japanese so its even more perverted. if you watch this be prepared to be insane for awhile. however at the time i’ve seen this i’ve already seen guinea pig series so it wasn’t as shocking to me as this is what i had expected

Angel's Melancholy - also known as the most disturbing movie of all time accdg to google results, i already made a review of this but its just basically a low quality material of all your disgusting fetishes. Mainly scat porn, urination, torture/rape involving colostomy, real animal abuse, bestiality, some other weird fetish, you name it. Faggots doing faggotry. The worst thing about this movie is how pretentious it is and trying to be philosophical in the worst possible way. This movie is nothing but a worthless and meaningless trash. An absolute waste of time.

August Mordum Underground: another disgusting nonsensical trash. Includes self performed penectomy (and having sex with the severed penis) disembowelment and having sex with some corpse’s intestines, incest, self harm, lots of rape, necrophilia, pedophilia, cannibalism, maggots, vomit fetish, etc. damn this movie was definitely a tryhard. This is the kind of movie you should watch if you're trying to lose weight. Trust me, I wasnt able to eat for days and ended up throwing up all foods i tried to eat.

Thats just a few of hundreds i’ve seen in my life and there’s no way I’m going to try to recount all my experiences with these movies. 

I realized, i don’t want to watch disturbing shit anymore. Like why the hell would you want to watch these movies? This is heavy shit were talking about. You could get PTSD in these movies unless you are 100% nihilist and theres no humanity left in you. Or if you are a full blown misogynist, you would definitely like these movies. I’ve never enjoy these movies, especially now as an adult. Honestly its just some edgy hobby of mine as a teenager that used to be some kind of ‘endurance test’, with the added fact that i have morbid curiosity, i couldn't just stop. But everything I had to suffer through and how it impacted me mentally, I realized its just not worth it. I was addicted to brainstorming what these movies were trying to convey, but in reality most of these movies are really just nothing but meaningless porn for depraved, sickfucks to fap to. You think you would find some depth in these people just because they're twisted, but nope. They are just as shallow and braindead as normies. I basically wasted my energy trying to understand 'human psyche' that is absolutely worth nothing of value. And reading more about Marquis de Sade’s philosophy disappointed me even more, its just proven to me how stupid and retarded all of this is. Its just all broken people living their meaningless lives, slaves to superficial pleasure. I've never even a fan of Epicurus, his philosophy is a big delusional cope to his celibate and unmarried life and pleasure is good, suffering is bad analogy is so retarded. Life to me is not about chasing pleasure and I'm more than grateful that I've lived most of my life in pain and suffering because that honed the character that i have today.

Also, If i keep watching this sort of movies then what would that make me? Afterall, if I ever knew someone who has voluntarily watched this kind of stuff I would run away from this person VERY FAST. I don't even care if they just have morbid curiousity like I do. Some individuals out there are needed to be avoided at all cost before they even realize that watching is just not enough for them. I'm not going to participate in this sickfuckery anymore, I don’t even want to watch Terrifier 2 even its nothing as disturbing as my usual. I just don’t want anything to do with this. This recent experience of revisiting these films has been a wake up call to me, and again, its not just about changing my favorite genre of movie but also about changing other areas of my life such as my social life. I don't want to engage in this games that people play for social status and power. I've seen it all and I'm tired of it because i see it nothing more as a broken cycle of broken people just chasing a high. That is not my character at all. I reflected a lot these past few days and I realized, I can be authentic as I can be without corrupting my inner child and compromising my values

[golbrocklovely]

It’s okay if you don’t want to reply. I understand. But I’ve been best friends with this girl for 5 years now. I always listen to her when she’s upset (she’s always upset) but that doesn’t bother me. I like helping her. I listen and I don’t give any unwanted opinions. But when I open up to her about something she basically acts uninterested and just recently when I was confiding in her about my sick mom she told me she couldn’t keep enabling my behavior and told me to stop crying. That only made me feel worse. She said she knows what it’s like to have a chronically ill mom but she doesn’t because her mom literally isn’t sick at all. She tries to make everything about herself. The worst part of it all and I hate that I allowed it to happen... she took away my love for writing and reading. I just feel so tired and exhausted now. She even told me once before to not share anything good that has happened to me bc it makes her feel bad about herself. I understood and agreed but now she’s constantly sharing things and I want to share things as well but I’m not able to. It’s all about her now. She takes hours sometimes days to reply but when I don’t reply as quickly as I can she gets upset with me. I’m not allowed to have any other friends except for her and now I’m at the age where making friends is even harder than before but she’s allowed to talk about how amazing her other bestfriend is. I’m exhausted. I’m tired. And I’m depressed. She’s draining everything out of me. And now since she actually has a good life she’s drifting away. She ruined mine until hers got better and I’m mad at myself for allowing that to happen. The amount of hate (and that is a strong word) I have for myself is beyond comprehension. I’m even more upset to know I’m probably going to allow her to come back and ruin me all over again because I’m scared of being alone.

first off, i am so sorry you are going thru that. i've been in a similar situation with my ex best friend of ten years.

and while it hurts to not have her in my life somedays, most days…. i'm so happy things ended when they did.

i understand you don't feel like you'll ever be able to get rid of her bc she's just gonna pull you back in, but please stand up for yourself. at the end of the day, you are all you're ever gonna have. so you have to learn to live and love yourself. and you're not gonna be able to do that with her in your life. she is sucking your energy dry just to feel good, and you do not under any circumstance need that in your life.

you deserve to have a friend that will listen to you as much as you listen to them. she is not that person. she is not good for you. and the sooner you kick her out of your life, the better.

you're gonna look back and realize how silly it was to keep her around. and i know what it's like to not have friends and to struggle to connect with ppl. i'm basically in that boat right now. i don't have any friends irl bc they all kinda left once she did. and on top of that, i can only reach out as much as i did before i start to feel like a fool. and let me tell you, while it does suck to not have ppl to lean on in that way, whitney houston said it best: i'd rather be alone than unhappy.

you don't have to drop kick her out of your life this instant. if you want to keep the friendship alive (i don't recommend that, but do as you want), tell her how you actually feel. how her words have hurt you. how you will leave if she doesn't change. and if she doesn't take your words to heart, fuck her. you don't need that. but if she's remorseful, see if you can or want to fix things. and if not, you were better off without her anyway.

you can always make new friends. i know it might feel impossible, but you can. and you can, and should, learn to love yourself. bc you deserve love in every way it comes.

#ask #personal

[hist0riccemetary]

sometimes, on nights like tonight, i am so incredibly sad. im tired of being sick and having these major fucking scares over my body just being like lol. worrying im going to be admitted at any moment and have to reschedule my life.

im sad because i don’t think a partner will ever truly want to deal with it. like i handle this shit on my own but god i just want someone to hold my hand. respond to me when i’m panicking. i hate the hospital still and i’ve been in and out of it for years now.

i fight a lot of the “i don’t deserve normal love because i’m sick” thoughts but sometimes they’re so fucking strong and loud. when someone shows any kind of interest in me sometimes my brain just kicks in like amazing wow somebody wants me and my fucked up body.

i wish i hadn’t spilled my guts in a really shitty way earlier, i knew it would render the response i was given. but when you’ve been the person acting as my pseudo-partner for months now i literally just want you in moments like this. and i’m not even sure like i even want you, forreal.

i have to check my blood pressure for the thousandth time and i’m giving myself too many tasks to do for someone who just took so much bp meds it would take a horse out. i need to sleep but my brain is screaming that i have to change my sheets right now and vacuum my room right now.

im tired. im so tired. i don’t exactly want to keep existing like this but. there isn’t anything i can even do about it. i feel so guilty that someone died and i literally have their organ and im crying over the fact that i’m just allowing ppl to use me until im no use anymore bc i literally just want to feel like i’m normal and worthy of it.

also im kinda scared im gonna stroke out tonight so….. thats…… a lot

[drakenology]

Arguments - feat Bakugo, Todoroki, Kirishima and Tamaki Amajiki

author’s note: i’m feeling angsty today. so this is gonna be about arguing with some of the bnha characters. anyone else feel off today? just me?

warnings: swearing, angst, fluff 🥺, and suggestive themes not full on smut. characters aged up! some of these are long.. i was feeling dramatic

headers from @annicon

Bakugo

as much as i love this man i can admit he would be SOO stubborn

would get frustrated easily

yells 🥺

he knows when to walk away when the conversation isn’t getting anywhere which is good

would NEVER hurt you (i’ve seen ppl write that this mf hits you... girl...domestic violence is not an aesthetic.)

he isn’t the best with words so it’ll take him a little while to admit he’s wrong because he can’t verbalize how sorry he is sometimes

when he does he’ll hug and kiss you and apologize like a million times after he’s done being a stubborn little prick.

gives you the best “i’m sorry “ dick imaginable holy shit

Bakugo done did it. He pissed you off. You were already having a terrible day and then you come home to this motherfucker with a bunch of people over after you told him that you weren’t in the mood for company. So for the rest of the night when everyone left, you gave him the silent treatment knowing that he HATES when you ignore him on purpose.

“Y/N?”

You say nothing, continuing scrolling through your phone to look like you were preoccupied.

“Y/N, what’s your problem? I know you hear me.” Bakugo persists.

You ignore him, turning your back to face him. He grunts and grabs your shoulder, turning you back around to face him.

“Y/N if you’re pissed at me just say that. But ignoring me is fucking immature and it’s pissing me off!” He yells. Translation: “What did I do? 🥺”

“I’M pissing YOU off!? That’s funny. Because it’s not like you didn’t completely ignore my fucking feelings tonight. Why did you invite Kirishima and Denki over after I specifically said I didn’t feel like playing fucking HOSTESS!” You shout back, throwing your phone somewhere.

“Are you serious!? I never told them to come here they just showed up. What was I supposed to do tell them to piss off!?” Katsuki asked.

“YES!” You scream, annoyed that he’s not getting the reason why you’re upset. You never minded having Bakugo’s friends over but you just wanted to have a calm night with just the two of you. You were exhausted and fixing dinner for you and 3 other people and listening to loud chatter about sports and video games was not on your to-do list.

“This is so fucking petty! I don’t get why you’re so mad that they came over.” Katsuki said shrugging his shoulders.

“That’s the problem, idiot! You don’t fucking get it! I worked all day today. I just wanted us to relax but no, you wanted to have a fucking guys night in my living room! It’s the complete disregard for my feelings that’s pissing me off not the fact that they came. I told you I was tired and you having them come over anyways was like a big fuck you to me!” You explain, your face pulled into a face Katsuki knows is your angry face. Bakugo sighs, not ready to admit that he was wrong.

“Tch. Whatever. I’m gonna go sleep on the fucking couch. Let me know when you’re done being fucking frigid.” He shouts, clearly out of anger.

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

Katsuki leaves your shared room and slammed the door, you throwing yourself onto the bed. You feel tears sting your eyes as you sob into your pillow. You hated fighting with Bakugo, and you knew he hated it too. He has a hard time expressing himself without getting defensive sometimes. But you knew he felt bad. You sigh and close your eyes and go to sleep.

The next morning you get up from bed and get ready to start your day. You shower and brush your teeth, you and Bakugo strategically avoiding each other all morning to go and do your daily routines. You didn’t utter a word to each other. Just questions and short answers.

“Got work?”

“Yup.”

“When?”

“7:30.”

The silence killed you both as you sat at the table and ate breakfast, Bakugo’s face pulled into a frown as he ate. You roll your eyes and go to put your dishes in the sink and grab his once he’s done. You can hear him get up from his chair as you wash both your plates and dry them. You had assumed he was leaving so you just wash all the rest of the dishes without turning your back. Suddenly you felt familiar arms wrap around your waist.

“Let me go.” You say, tearing up at the sudden touch. He was trying to make up with you and you were so ready to forgive him. The tension was almost too much to bear. This fight was small and it turned into something way bigger than need be.

“Not until you listen to me. I’m sorry, ok? I should have never yelled at you the way I did. And calling you frigid wasn’t ok either. I shoulda just told everyone to go home. We have those dumbasses over all the time. One night wouldn’t have killed me. I’m sorry. Can we just forget this shit ever happened? I hate it when you’re mad at me.” He pleaded, burrowing his face into the crook of your neck. You smile and turn around to look at his face, cupping his cheeks in both your hands as you stand on you tip toes to kiss him. He kisses you back eagerly, happy that you and him are back on good terms. He pulled away from the heated kiss and looks at the clock on the microwave.

“6:30...we still have an hour to kill. If you’re late I’ll drop you off.” Katsuki says, his eyes turning dark with feral lust.

“Late? What are yo-“ you’re interrupted by Bakugo pulling you into your bedroom with determination to make things right.. his way.

Tamaki (🥺 my new found love)

Tamaki is NOT a confrontational person so arguing with you is really hard. He hates raising his voice or even getting to a point to where he’s angry because he doesn’t want to think about hurting you in anyway.

He’ll shut down and turn cold or try and act nonchalant.

he might even avoid conflict by changing the subject

if he’s riled up enough though he’ll cuss you out.. to his dismay

doesn’t like being mad at you and vice versa

hates arguments.. like honestly can you just get over it so he can eat you out now?

speaking of eating you out, he gives apology head and he won’t stop until you say you forgive him.

Tamaki didn’t like to admit it but he was really jealous. Like really really jealous like YANDERE type jealous. You and him were out to dinner with Mirio so you were all chatting about mindless nothing, catching up like you always do. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary for you but to Tamaki it appeared that Mirio was a little too playful at dinner with you. He was cracking jokes and poking fun and Tamaki took it as him flirting with you; which Mirio would never disrespect your relationship like that. Rage sat in the pit of Tamaki’s chest as you laugh at all his jokes. He was furious but hid it pretty well for the night.

“And then Tamaki wet himself in front of the whole class when I scared him with my quirk in middle school. Can you believe it?” Mirio laughs, causing you to laugh at the thought.

“Oh leave him alone, Togata.” You giggle, waving your hand in front of your face to stop the tears from laughter. He had been making you laugh all night all to Tamaki’s disliking. He was quiet all dinner, which you noticed immediately after Togata’s last joke.

“Hey Tamaki, is everything ok?” You ask, concerned that he might not want to be out anymore.

“Yeah.” He said coldly. “Actually I’m just gonna go to the car. I feel kinda sick.” He stands from his seat and walks to the exit, absolutely fucking furious that you were “flirting” with his childhood friend right in front of him.

“Awkward. What’s up with him?” Mirio asks, completely dumb founded by Tamaki’s sudden disappearance.

“I dunno. I’m gonna go to the car and see what’s wrong. Do you mind?” You ask, standing from your seat.

“Nah that’s cool. I’m actually gonna head out. You go on ahead, Y/N. I’ll take care of the tab.. this time.” Mirio jokes. You giggle and thank him, walking towards the exit. You walk through the parking lot and find the car, seeing Tamaki sitting in the passenger side with his arms crossed across his chest. What was his deal? You open the car door and sit in the driver’s side to meet a thick tension.

“What’s wrong Tamaki? Do you really feel sick or are you upset with me?” You ask.

“Why don’t you ask Mirio? I’m sure he’ll be able to answer since he’s the only guy you talked to all night. It was like I wasn’t even there.” Tamaki says, calm but obviously pestered.

“Is that was this is about? Tama you know it wasn’t like that. Mirio has always been a jokester what’s the difference now?” You ask, getting a little upset at his accusation.

“The difference is that he was trying to make a pass at you. He was so obviously flirting with you.” He says, his tone becoming stern. You’re shocked at how he was getting, frowning at how unreasonable he was being.

“No he wasn’t, Tamaki.” You say, looking him dead in his eyes.

“Yes he was. I’m not about to fight with you about this he was clearly fucking flirting with you. He joked with you all night and you laughed at every single thing he said. You must want to fuck him, don’t you?” He asked, looking at you with some sort of betrayal in his eyes. This infuriates you.

“What are you talking about!? You know I would never cheat on you Tamaki. Especially not with your best friend. What’s with you!?” You ask sternly, not amused or pleased in the slightest.

“Whatever, Y/N.” Tamaki says, looking out the car window while turning the other way so he’s not facing your side of the car. He knew this was stupid and he knew your loyalty was never to be questioned but he couldn’t shake this feeling of jealousy.

“No. You don’t get to start a fight and then blow me off when you’re through arguing! Talk to me!” You yell, furious at this point. Tamaki shrugs, avoiding the situation entirely now.

“Just drive. I wanna go home.” He says, not taking his eyes off the view from his window. You roll your eyes and start the car, pulling out of the parking lot to start your way home. The drive home was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. You were so angry that you didn’t talk to Tamaki the whole way home, knowing you’d probably cuss him out if he said the wrong thing. Tamaki immediately felt bad after picking that fight. He didn’t know what came over him, he knew he had to make it up to you before you two go to bed angry with each other. You approach your shared apartment and park the car, silence still riddling the car. The tension between you both was intense and it scared you. You’ve never seen Tamaki this upset. Jealousy was always an issue for him but he’s never reacted this strongly.

“Y/N?” Tamaki says breaking the silence. You look at him, a little relieved that he’s talking to you again.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I know you’d never cheat on me, of course. But I was just so jealous. It felt like you and Mirio were on a date and I was just the third wheel. The thought of him taking you from me drove me crazy. I wasn’t thinking. Can you forgive me?” He says, placing his hand on top of yours on the steering wheel. You sniffle, tearing up at his apology.

“Tamaki, I’m sorry I made you feel like that. I love you so much. No one could ever take your place, not even Mirio. I’d never betray you like that, ever.” You sob, tears flowing down your face. Tamaki questioning your loyalty really hurt your feelings and he hated seeing you cry.

“I know that. Please don’t cry. I’m so sorry, Y/N. It was so stupid of me to even assume.” He says, taking his hand and wiping your tears away. He took your hand and gave it a sweet kiss to soothe you, rubbing circles with his thumb on it as he consoled you. You giggle and wipe your tears, happy that you guys made up after that silly fight.

“Let’s go inside.”

Todoroki

arguments between you two get heated. It gets to a point where sometimes you don’t speak to each other for days. he’ll definitely give small reminders that he still loves you to butter you up to alleviate some of the tension.

raises his voice

just as stubborn as bakugo

to a fault of his upbringing facing his emotions was hard for him sometimes, causing him to be cold when you fight

when it’s time to get over it and make up he’ll make it a huge event; flowers, chocolates and lots of freaky apology sex

cant stand arguing with you just like tamaki but wont back down in the slightest

is sure he doesn’t say anything harsh to make the situation worse.

“Why are you being so stubborn?!” You shout at your bi-colored haired boyfriend. The two of you have been fighting all day to your surprise. Shoto was usually easy going and you two hardly fought. But today, a bug seemed to have crawled up Todoroki’s ass and he’s been picking fights all day. You’ve been arguing about small things like who left the bathroom light on or who ate the last hot pocket. Right now it was an argument about when you’re going to meet his father Endeavor. It’s been almost a year since you two have been together and you don’t even think his father knows you exist.

“For the last time Y/N we’re not going to my dad’s house. That’s final! You can argue with yourself about this. End of discussion.” Shoto says, very annoyed at the thought of being near his father. He still couldn’t stand him, even as an adult. He can’t bring himself to bring you around him because he knows how he can be. If he even says something slightly rude to you he’ll flip the fuck out. You groan in frustration, wishing he’d at least consider.

“He doesn’t know we’re together does he!? What am I to you some secret? Why did you stay with me all this time if your family doesn’t even know I exist !?” You shout, tearing up with seering anger.

“It’s not that. Of course he knows we’re together; my whole family knows! Why do you want to involve him so badly?!” Shoto yells.

“Why wouldn’t I want to meet my fucking boyfriend’s father!? You’re not making any sense.” You say, getting more and more frustrated as Shoto makes excuses.

“You know what? Fine. We’ll go meet him tomorrow. But as soon as he treats you like you’re not good enough for me don’t be surprised when I tell you I fucking told you so. God you can be so stubborn sometimes.” Shoto shouts, rolling his eyes at you.

“Oh I’M stubborn!? That’s rich coming from you. You’re being so unreasonable right now. I know you and your father-“

“YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT MY FATHER. Stop speaking on things you haven’t the first idea about!” Shoto yells, punching a nearby wall. (Oop.) You flinch, shocked at how angry he got so quickly. You tear up and run off to your bedroom, Todoroki immediately regretting getting so upset with you. He scared you and that’s something he never wanted to do to you under any circumstances. You cried yourself to sleep that night, angry that things got so heated. Why did he react like that? And why was he treating you as if you knew nothing about him and his father. He would vent to you about him all the time and you gave him advice when you could. But tonight you felt like you were nothing but an outsider. Shoto didn’t even bother coming into the room. He couldn’t face you after making you cry. Right now, he hated himself for treating you like that. He was just so afraid of his father’s judgement he didn’t want him to hurt your feelings with how crass he was. If Endeavor found the slightest thing wrong with you he’d never let you or him forget it. He could hear him now calling you unworthy of the Todoroki name. The thought alone enraged him. In his own cryptic way, he was trying to protect you from him but this was no way to do it nor did he have the right. Todoroki slept on the couch, missing your warmth against him in your bed.

The next morning the two of you drove to the Todoroki estates in silence. You were still pissed at him and Shoto didn’t want to say anything to further upset you. He was annoyed he was making this trip in the first place but he knew he had to man up for your sake. It was unfair of him to try and keep you away from his family especially since you would one day take on his name and be a part of the family when he married you. He knew he couldn’t keep you away forever, but god couldn’t he have had a little more time? He dreaded this day.

“Ready?” Shoto asks coldly, trying to hide his remorse from his tone. You nod, getting out of the car before he could walk over and open the door for you. Shoto is surprised and gets out with you, guiding you to his old home. He can’t lie, he’s so fucking nervous. What if he hates you? Not that he cares what he thinks, he’ll marry you anyway but still. He at least wants his blessing. You walk with Shoto to the main room of the home and wait for Endeavor to come downstairs. Suddenly you hear footsteps from across the room. It was him. He was tall and his aura was so dark and intimidating.

“You must be Y/N.” Endeavor says, looking down at your small frame. You nod, a wave of nervousness shooting through your body.

“N-Nice to meet you sir.” You bow respectfully.

“No need for that. Please, have a seat.” Endeavor says gesturing to the couch. You and Shoto sit down next to each other, Endeavor following suit by sitting across from you two.

“So.. how long have you two been together?” Endeavor asks, his booming voice almost sending an echo throughout the empty room. You gulp and look towards Shoto.

“10 months.” He answers for you, taking your hand to calm you. You’re still mad at him but god you’re glad he’s doing his best to ease your anxiety.

“And you just now arrange a meeting? Hm.” Endeavor questions, looking at you as if he was scanning you to find something irredeemable about you. You look down at your lap, unable to keep eye contact with the intimidating man.

“I-I wanted to meet with you sooner. Me and Shoto fought about coming here last night but I convinced him.” You say nervously.

“I see. You seem like an ok girl. Shoto has had his fair share of.. inadequate women in his life so, you’re a step up from the rest.” Endeavor says, motioning for a maid to make you all some tea. You laugh nervously, Shoto squeezing your hand in annoyance. Was that a compliment?

“You two seem like you’ve been fighting.” Endeavor says suddenly, observing both your body language. You’re both shocked as you turn to look at each other. How’d he know that?

“What’s it to you?” Shoto asks, glaring at his father.

“Oh nothing. But if you’re planning on marrying this girl it’s probably best to not argue too much with her. Hell, she might up and leave.”

Shoto looks at you, pain in his eyes. The look on his face alone said “I’m sorry.” Shoto hated to admit it but his father was right. Fighting as much as you have been, especially the fight you had last night was toxic and could take a toll on your relationship.

You smile at him and turn to Endeavor

“I’d never leave him.” You say, snuggling closer to Shoto as he blushed. He was embarrassed that he was being so vulnerable around his father but he knew that only you could make this happen.

After a long conversation with Endeavor and Shoto, you leave with a feeling that you might have won him over. You think? He was hard to read, just like Shoto. He was more like his father than he likes to admit. Shoto opens the car door for you to get inside and then walks to the drivers side to come in. You sit in the car for a while, silent until Shoto grabs you and leans over to kiss you. You kiss him back, tearing up into the kiss.

“I’m sorry, snowflake. I can’t believe I raised my voice at you like that. I was just so scared that he was gonna hate you and say something disrespectful. I should have just told you that instead of being defensive. I’m so so sorry I scared you. Please forgive me. ” He pleaded, peppering kissing on your face.

“I know. And I forgive you.” You giggle, pulling Todoroki closer to you to kiss him again.

Kirishima

Out of all the boys he’s the least stubborn when it comes to fighting. But don’t be fooled, he’ll argue you down. he’s very good at managing his temper when it comes to you.

Regrets starting a fight in the first place

Just wants to cuddle and go back to normal

But when he’s angry hooo boy

doesn’t even yell, he’s like a calm angry which is terrifying

tries talking over you, trying to plead his case

will not rest until the situation is resolved and over with so you guys can move on

like all the others... apology sex

will try not to lose his patience

You and Kirishima had been together for a while now so it was only inevitable that you two have your first fight. You were always a vigilant person and wanted to help others even though you were quirkless like Deku was at one point. Kirishima is protective of you to a fault and the thought of you getting hurt or worse didn’t sit well with him at all. You assured him that you were capable of taking care of yourself and protecting yourself but he wasn’t having any of it. You spent years perfecting your martial arts skills, training your ass off for countless hours everyday and he knew that. But he didn’t want you to one day meet your match without him there to protect you.

“Y/N, drop it. You’re not going on missions with me and that’s final. It’s too dangerous.” Eijiro said, his brows furrowed. He was trying not to lose his patience with you but you kept insisting. He just wished you’d forget about this whole thing; for your safety.

“You don’t have the right to tell me what I can and can’t do! I’m fully capable for taking care of myself and you know that.” You yell, irritated at your boyfriend underestimating your abilities. Eijiro sighs and stands up from the couch to stand in front of you, inching so close you could almost kiss.

“I’ll die before I let you go out there. Do you know what would happen to me; to your friends and family if something happened to you!? We’d be crushed. Please just drop this.” Kirishima says, wanting to avoid this conversation all together. But alas, nothing was changing your mind. You were very head strong and stubborn to no avail so you weren’t going down without a fight.

“You can’t stop me!” You yell

“Oh I can’t?” Eijiro challenged.

“No. You can’t. You can’t treat me like a child, Eijiro.” You say. “How can you say I’m not ready if you don’t give me a chance to prove I am!?”

“Because you just aren’t! Okay!? You say you’re not a child but you’re acting like one and a petulant one at that. Just drop it! God, you can be so stubborn sometimes. Don’t you see I’m just trying to keep you safe!?” Kirishima yells, instantly regretting raising his voice at you and losing his cool. You tear up, furious that he’s treating you like some kid. You grab your stuff and prepare to leave his apartment.

“Where are you going?” Kirishima sighs

“Fuck you, Eijiro.” You say, walking away from him and going outside to cool off. Kirishima tries to grab you before you leave but you snatch your arm away from him and walk outside with a huff and a slam of the door. You wipe your hot tears away and start aimlessly walking down the street to go home. Hell, you don’t even know your way home from Eijiro’s place but you’ll be damned if you go back there. As you walk you see Kirishima’s car pull up to the side of you, driving slowly to keep up with your walking pace.

“Y/N please get in the car.” He says out the car window

“No! I don’t wanna talk to you so just go away!” You yell, continuing to walk as the brisk wind assaults your bare skin. Dammit you forgot your coat.

“Y/N! You’re being ridiculous just please get in the car. You left your jacket; it’s freezing out here!” Eijiro shouts, getting out of the car and grabbing you to pull you inside. You groan, obviously being overpowered by your strong boyfriend. Kirishima slams the door and gets back inside, drives back to his apartment and parks in the driveway. He sighs and leans his head on the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry I got so heated with you. But can you blame me? I’m worried about you. Sure we’ll be on these missions together but what if something happens? What if I’m not there to protect you when something goes wrong? These missions are unpredictable; anything could happen and I’d literally die if even a scratch is put on you.” Eijiro pleads. You start crying, sniffling at his words. He was right to be worried.

“I love you, Eijiro and I appreciate you being so concerned about me. But that doesn’t give you the right to shelter me. You can’t just force me to not follow my dream.” You sob, wiping your tears away. Eijiro grabs your hand and kisses it.

“I know. I just can’t bear the thought of you being hurt. But if this is what you really want, I have no choice but to at least see this through.” Kirishima says, holding your small hand in his two massive ones. You smile, putting your other hand on top of his.

“Thank you. Also, I’m sorry for saying fuck you to you. That was mean.” You say pouting.

“It was. Hurt my feelings.” Eijiro said faking sadness, immediately laughing as he watched your face frown up again at the thought of hurting his feelings.

“Oh shut up.”

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