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#I'm done chasing you
potato-on-your-head · 2 years
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I was rambling in the tags about this and reached the 30 tag limit so apparently this demands to be its own post. this is not going to be eloquent whatsoever and will read like tags
Mathman and I are officially done. he FINALLY told me he’s dating someone so i Friendship Broke Up with him a couple days ago. and it sounded like he hoped he’d see me in person this week at our workplace’s giant back-to-work thing??? so I’m not sure if that means he wants to talk or just a chance to say goodbye or what. my guess is just a chance to chat and say bye. and then that’s it for me. I video called him (he lives 40 min away from me) and told him I’m ending our phone communication - maybe not forever but for the foreseeable future. and he was like, ‘well. that sucks’ which I thought was the perfect response - like!!! yeah it does suck!!! I wish I could stay your friend because I care about you but unfortunately I care too much!!! and I can’t make myself Not like you because feelings are dumb!!!
but anyway he strung me along all summer saying ‘yeah we can get together in August and hang out!’ which we usually do at his house, have drinks and sit out on the porch, play guitar together, him playing me singing, the whole deal. some of my favorite memories in recent years have been made on those nights. and then we’d talk late into the night and he’s so fucking smart and funny and driven and attractive and UGH. but I kept following up about it after I finished my grad classes end of July and he kept giving me these wishy-washy answers when I asked. ‘maybe the 17th or 18th’ ‘thursday possibly’ so FINALLY the literal DAY he kept saying ‘maybe’ we could hang out I was like. yo dude. I’m guessing we’re out of time to hang out this summer????? and then he was like oh sorry I thought I responded to your last text I’m dating someone and it’s probably not a good idea for us to hang out anymore....
LIKE!!!! DUDE!!!! jerk move! you don’t get my friendship anymore if that’s how you’re going to treat me! if you can’t have the hard conversations with me and you keep me hoping THIS LONG then this has to end. I was literally looking forward to this ALL SUMMER. like, this man is good at many things but being vulnerable is not one of them. my guess is he was putting off discussing it with the person he’s dating, thus kept giving me wishy-washy answers, and then FINALLY at the last minute asked if she (I’m assuming they’re a she) was okay with it and obviously the answer was no. so then he FINALLY talked to me about it. or my persistence finally just made him tell the truth
GOD I’m just so pissed. and sad and grateful and hurt and glad I got the time I did. it sounds dumb but he changed me as a person. when we first started hanging out three years ago, I realized how many of my interests depression had stolen from me and had a bit of a freakout (he kept showing me all this music he was into and he was so passionate about things and all his hobbies and I was like. OH FUCK. I AM A BLANK SLATE. I HAVEN’T LISTENED TO NEW MUSIC IN 5 YEARS. I HAVE LOST SO MUCH) and through seeing what he was passionate about, and his life goals and his house projects and such, I started rediscovering my interests and finding new music and moving forward again in so many ways. I don’t think that would’ve happened nearly to the same extent if I hadn’t known him.
3 years ago on one of those hangouts I brought my ukulele to his house and borrowed my sister’s and taught him the basics, and he was better than me in like 15 minutes. he always said he wasn’t musical and he WAS. he learned a bunch of more complicated things on uke using youtube tutorials and then showed me the next time I came over, and I was like, holy shit I never even thought about doing that. then he got a guitar and started learning that, and from there our music hangouts grew. I was inspired by him learning and got a guitar of my own. I wouldn’t have had the bravery to finally start learning guitar for real, and I wouldn’t have known about certain music artists if not for him, and I wouldn’t have had this radical shifting of my musical identity away from classical and into the pop and rock realm if not for him. he! has changed!! my life!!!!! and I WISH I could be just friends but I can’t. I’ve had feelings for him since the 2nd day I knew him, four years ago, when he worked at my building and I was just starting this job, and I can’t get rid of them. and he doesn’t feel the same, and this is the logical end of that whole arc. 
so yeah. I’m really sad, and also proud, because *I* was the one who womanned up and had the conversation and I only anxiety puked once before I did so that’s a win in my book.
who can say if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you, I have been changed for good, blah blah blah etc.
goodbye, my one-sided love. I’m done chasing you. I’m letting go.
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bakudekublogblog · 3 months
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the way katsuki just IS izuku's first love drives me nutty. like he just had a big ole crush on him with his huge-ass heart eyes and he chased him around with maximum puppy-love smitten energy
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judasisgayriot · 4 months
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Headfirst Slide... (oh, darling, I know what you're going through)
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cementcornfield · 3 months
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Have you ever had a wide receiver come back and be like "nah man, I wasn't open at all"?
Ja'Marr will do that every now and then, yeah. I'll ask him and he'll be honest with me whether he was open or not.
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insertsomthinawesome · 4 months
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I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.
But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.
I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.
I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.
I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.
I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.
I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)
I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.
And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)
From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)
Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.
Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜
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suchawrathfullamb · 7 months
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Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other. Carl Jung.
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spidersins · 22 days
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blood rose masquerade ball
a commissioned piece by the incredibly talented @vvo1d1ing of angel & husk ( @gamblins ) attending the masquerade ball held by @cannibalxroses in their matching black and gold attire.
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all-pacas · 9 days
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wait. don't ask me why i was thinking about this, but i think chase is exactly the kind of weird repressed catholic to have definitely fucked men but also without irony or hesitation call himself straight. like yes. he knows what bi is but not applicable. yes he has been with dudes. he's straight.
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yeah i can’t stop thinking about the parallels between hearth and alex’s backstories… they were both born into a life that, under slightly different circumstances, would have offered them a lot of privilege. their families had a ton of money and a good social status, and hearth and alex were, in many ways, set up for success.
but there was a catalyst for each of them, something that ended up setting them up for failure instead - the way hearth’s father reacted to him being deaf and alex’s father reacted to her being trans. both of them, despite being born into a life that would have offered them plenty, ended up ostracized and shunned from their families. constantly ridiculed and criticized and blamed for something they couldn’t control and didn’t ask for, but in a better world should have been able to celebrate. hearth should have been able to celebrate his deafness and alex should have been able to celebrate her transness, but they were both robbed of that. they were robbed of their childhoods, growing up in toxic environments and spending their formative years being abused, all for some of the only people in their lives who understood them or cared about them to die.
and yet, each of them were able to cut ties and make their own way in the world. they both managed to build a better life from the ground up, bringing together a solid group of friends to spend the rest of their life (or afterlife) with. they were both taught to hate themselves, spent every day of their childhoods being mistreated by their fathers and told they were worthless, and yet in the end they both manage to undo all that and learn how to love themselves. they learn how to celebrate the very same parts of themselves that their fathers tried to stamp out, choosing instead to surround themselves by people who care about them.
additionally, they both embody the paradox of wanting to distance themselves from their parentage and yet simultaneously reclaim it. alex wants nothing to do with any of her parents, yet deliberately reclaims loki’s urnes snake symbol. hearth has no desire to be associated with his father or former life, but reclaims the rune of inheritance.
but in reclaiming their past, neither of them return to it. alex doesn't try to go back to her house after being kicked out. hearth accepts the othala rune in the end, but after his father is killed, never returns to alfheim again. they take what's theirs, leave, and never look back. so, both of their journeys ultimately involve leaving their former lives behind - giving up privilege, wealth, social status, and the acceptance of others in order to be themselves. becoming the people they want to be, rather than the people society and their fathers wanted them to be.
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daydreamtoropova · 12 days
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I'm the [tumblr] person who overuses comments in tags.
[tumblr] autosaved my tags even though I used them once.
Look in the tags and have a laugh.
(Possible tag game?) @author-of-the-year @jenumarts @thonethatflies620 @iamunabletothinkofablogname @ all my mutuals
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theinfinitedivides · 10 months
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SRK!Don girlies pack it up and take it home we're all f*cked after 84 years we finally get official news about Don 3 coming in 2025 or so and there's uh. i can't believe i'm saying this this is actually coming out of my mouth but there's no Shah Rukh
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Midnights Masterlist
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Lavender Haze -
Maroon -
Anti-Hero -
Snow On The Beach -
You’re On Your Own, Kid -
Midnight Rain - Sirius Black x Reader 
Question...? -
Vigilante Shit -
Bejewelled -
Labyrinth -
Karma -
Sweet Nothing -
Mastermind -
The Great War -
Bigger Than The Whole Sky - Cassian Andor x Reader
Paris - 
High Infidelity -
Glitch -
Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - 
Dear Reader - 
Hits Different - 
You’re Losing Me - Doctor Gregory House x Reader
You’re Losing Me - Obi-Wan Kenobi x Reader
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krysmcscience · 2 months
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Saw this prompt for incorrect OC quotes and couldn't resist with a bunch of my Breach goobers. Some of them would absolutely say these things word for word in canon if I gave them half the chance to, though. XD
They're in order of when they showed up in person - Qīng, Ghost, Red, Marisol, Shio, Cam, Daruk, Tawoos, and Alondra - as well as some important honorable mentions who have only been mentioned or gotten dialogue - Star, Blake, and Creation.
Star's design is a slight spoiler, I suppose, but it doesn't reveal if they're human or impostor, so it's all good. Creation's "design" also isn't a spoiler at all, because They can look however They want, LOL. As for Shio...some of you who have seen the body horror I've done of them may be wondering why they look so normal here, but I promise there are Reasons. :3c
In other news, will I be making a liar out of Shio in an upcoming Breach canon divergence? ..........Maybe~ >:3c
#original characters#breach#among us#(technically lol)#look i even revealed what their colors would be - as if it wasn't already patently obvious#aside from creation but - uh - ignore them (trust me it's better this way)#meanwhile qīng's color isn't even available which is a Damn Shame#there needs to be a sky blue already ffs#cyan ain't cutting it#if it were an actual lobby qīng would waffle so hard between blue and cyan and would miss his chance to pick either XD#the closest quote to canon is cam's because she REALLY wants a different job and she'll take yours in a fucking HEARTBEAT#meanwhile the closest quote to BECOMING canon is creation's and it is taking all of my willpower to resist their insistence that i allow it#the most incorrect quote of all is definitely blake's - he is so mad at me for drawing this and calling out how he feels about his old job#the biggest lie here is red's - he absolutely thinks about breaking rules and does it a lot more than he'd like to admit#someone give poor tawoos a fucking break - they didn't ask for this#i promise that marisol is more than The Bitchy Sunflower Girl - just give her some time - i promise#alondra has other aspects too but she would be weirdly offended if you tried to assure her that she's more than just Squeaky Mouse Girl#if daruk ever had to go to anger management he would accidentally incite a rage riot just like dan did in that episode of dan vs#ghost i'm sorry but your fashion sense is incomprehensible and i don't even know how i come up with half the stuff i put you in#did blake steal the jacket off of crinklytinfoil's pink/chase from the skeld? absolutely not - he borrowed it cuz those two would be BUDS#these tags are ridiculous#ok im done now
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I have to say that some of my favorite text posts I've ever made are in my next collection and I'm excited to share them
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ereborne · 2 months
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Song of the Day: March 27
"Long Time Gone" by The Chicks
#song of the day#I'm still thinking about the Country Songs About Country Songs#this is actually a cover too though I never hear the original around anywhere#(it's by Darrell Scott who is also the originator for 'You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive'#turns out he's got a bunch of songs that got picked up and made somewhat more popular in the hands of other folks. an interesting legacy)#the best lines of this song to sing are also the bits About Country Music--well the whole song's about chasing the love of it#but this bit is bemoaning the kids these days you know. country music isn't what it used to be. why back in my day etc etc#it's so so so much fun to sing too because you get to exaggerate your 'I think's until they rhyme with 'Hank'. excellent work#'we listen to the radio to hear what's cookin / but the music ain't got no soul#now they sound tired but they don't sound Haggard / they got money but they don't have Cash#they got Junior but they don't have Hank / I think I think I think / the rest is a long time gone'#it's fascinating to me to think about these songs in (saying 'historical' here is giving me psychic damage but) historical context#because the Darrell Scott original for Long Time Gone came out in 2000 and The Chicks released their version in 2002#so they were talking about the trend towards American jingoism in country music of the time#versus like Waylon Jennings in 1975 'Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way'#(I typed that and /then/ went back and looked up the release date and I'm so proud I got it right)#already bemoaning the state of country music in the 70s versus good old classic country like Hank Williams Senior sang#(Hank Jr covered Waylon's song in 1981. like yes it's a tribute to his father but also Hank Jr was a big push towards outlaw country#and has a few pretty famous songs himself about not singing like his daddy did. it just seems a strange choice to me)#and then Eric Church put out 'Lotta Boot Left to Fill' in 2009 calling out the shallowness of the country music scene of the time#(talking some only-thinly-veiled shit about a few of his peers in the process)#and then he released 'Stick That In Your Country Song' in 2021 and that /definitely/ put some backs up#that one's a less directed but more direct call-out if that makes any sense#no lines that are direct references to other artists' songs but stronger sentiments overall#not just general 'y'all are getting shallow prioritizing good times and high sales over genuine heart and integrity of craft'#but some straight up 'you have forgotten the face of your father' shit towards country artists and fans alike. the whole industry#a very good righteous-anger song
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creative-hanyou-girl · 5 months
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PJO SPOILERS!!!!!
Ok, but its WILD that Annabeth has never watched a movie before like seriously? Not even before she ran away and it was just her and her dad? REALLY Fredrick??? You didn't even let her watch movies??? Not even WWll movies or historical movies???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW????
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