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carmyboobear · 2 months

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silly little idea i have in my brain where you’ve got carmen on his back, both of you giggling and gently teasing each other before you hop on to ride him. you lean down and kiss at his chest and he’s just smirking, letting you have your fun until your tongue brushes against one of his nipples. the moan he lets out could only be described as surprised, almost like it was punched out of him, like he didn’t expect it to feel that good. his face goes beet red and he’s blinking in shock

just,..idk carmen might have sensitive nipples who knows

Anon I’m sorry for the wait! I SO agree. I kept looking back at this ask and being like😳Anyway tbh I already had some stuff like this in the works but I rly wanted to write with this prompt, so here’s this. Enjoy!

Word count: ~800

Tags: explicit MDNI🔞, subby carmy, nipple play, slight overstimulation at the end

You didn’t know Carmy’s nipples were so sensitive until today.

It was just a playful little thing, a gentle flick of your tongue against the smooth surface of his soft nipple. However, the sound he failed to stifle was nothing small. The moan that came out of him was abrupt, like it appeared out of nowhere.

Carmy’s face has gone bright red now, evidently shocked by his own reaction. His mouth keeps opening as if to say something, but he can’t get the words out.

So naturally, you lick his nipple again, slower this time, and Carmy sucks in a sharp, deep breath.

“I didn’t know your nipples were so sensitive,” you murmur, your fingers thumbing back and forth over his nipples, hardening them.

“I, I didn’t either,” Carmy pants. His cock weeps between the two of you, dripping pre cum onto his stomach. You were going to ride him, but this is suddenly more important. You don’t even think you’ll need to ride him anymore, not when he’s reacting like this.

“Really? Even when your shirts are always rubbing up on them?” You don’t mean for that question to be as sexual but it is, but his nipples are reddening and swelling as your fingers pinch at them, and Carmy’s moans are making you drip.

“It’s not—sometimes, I mean, it’s a little—“ You can tell that this whole thing is embarrassing him, but he’s too turned on to shy away. He can’t even bring himself to say it.

“Just didn’t wanna admit it, then.” You suck one of his erect nipples into your mouth, wrapping your lips tightly around it, and he moans loudly. You release it with a wet pop, and it comes out shiny. You suck at the other one, too, leaving both of his nipples swollen and glossy with spit. “Y’think you could come with just me touching your nipples?”

“Shut up, I don’t know, maybe,” Carmy groans, back arching and chest pushing towards your mouth and hands. You glance down at his nearly untouched cock to see it still dripping. Your aching pussy still wants to sit on it, feel it come inside you when you make him finish with just his nipples. Not tonight, though. You wanna see him make a mess of himself.

“Come on, Carmy. I wanna see you come.” You suddenly pinch both of his nipples with your index and thumbs and tug, and the sound he makes has your clit throbbing. It’s as if you’re deep throating his cock with the noises he keeps making. “You’re getting close, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, shit,” he admits, rolling his head back. “So close—“

You have a feeling you know what he needs. You’re eager to see him finish, so you decide not to make him beg for it this time.

You pull one of his swollen pink nipples into your mouth again, flattening it under the flat of your tongue before sucking it between your lips. While your hand tugs at his other nipple, you suck rhythmically, cheeks hollowing. You hear Carmy’s ruined moans right from his chest. He can’t form words anymore.

“Fuck me,” Carmy cries, and he writhes as he comes deeply all over himself.

You lick his nipples as he comes onto his stomach, streaking his skin and hairs with white. You feel a glob of wetness leak from your pussy from listening to his moans. You never expected him to react so well to having his chest touch. Not to say you never thought about it…just not like this.

Experimentally, you give his nipple a little bite, just barely tugging with your teeth, and Carmy’s moans spike in volume instantly.

“Too much,” he whimpers. Although you would never push him like that, the thought of biting more at his nipples and making him scream does pass through you. It rushes heat into your stomach. But you know this isn’t the time for that, and you roll back into gently lapping at his wet nipple instead.

Even then, he eventually just pushes your head back with his hands, overstimulated and beautiful. His curly hair’s a mess from how he was pressing his head against the head board. His warm skin has this gorgeous flush to it, and his half lidded eyes are staring at you in a haze.

“That was so hot,” you say with a grin. His eyes crinkle in a smile, and he shakes his head as he laughs under his breath.

“I didn’t know I could…come with just that,” he mumbles, clearly bashful. “It was…wow.”

“If I had known earlier, I would’ve gotten these in my mouth way sooner.” You give his chest a solid squeeze, and that makes him laugh again, but it’s a bit breathless.

#carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto smut #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto x you #the bear #my asks #my blurbs #my smut #AHHHH I just. one of my biggest turns ons to be absolutely honest so. good ask anon tysm #sub carmy

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hotchs-big-hands · 4 months

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Today turned out to be Pretty Bad™ stuck down very awful bad memory lane and I just wanna clarify to ppl why I may not always answer dms/asks etc. I've only really told one person on here the big details about this, and I won't go into all the details here either but it'll be enough to explain why. I hope anyway. Idk why I'm doing this.

I'll give a quick tl;dr here because it is long and also goes into very triggering topics such as self harm/suicide.

Basically I used to have a very close best friend, who I'll call shithead, back in early 2018 until late 2022 who extremely manipulative, emotionally abusive and just very overall toxic. If you've ever seen me refer to a "shithead" in tags or whatever then its about the person imma talk abt here. I was essentially the person they turned to to talk them out of doing things to themselves, if you get me. As well as a lot of other stuff. Ended up getting therapy (but not for the right reasons tbh) and also got a bad coping mechanism where I tend to not talk to people, I keep my distance and its smth I wanna tackle but it's difficult. So if you haven't heard back from me it's not cuz I don't like you, I am fighting with my brain. Also I kinda question if I actually am a good person or not because of stuff that I did in retaliation to this person.

I'll get into details now under the cut but yeah don't read if self harm/suicide/toxic dynamics are something you don't want to hear about for whatever reason.

As above, in early 2018 I used to have a different fanfic blog for a different fandom. I won't go into detail about which fandom and what the blog was but it was fairly popular. This is how I came to be friends with them. And like at the beginning it was fucking great! We became fast friends and we had a lot of shared interests. They introduced me to a lot of games, TV shows etc. But that's also where the problems started.

They were one of those types of fans. The "very possessive over certain characters" type of fan. If they liked them and had a crush on them then you couldn't do the same cuz character belonged to them. Which at the time I didn't rly like but I used to be friends with someone in high school who was also like that about characters so I assumed it was just a thing ppl did. However, it escalated to if I had a character I liked then they'd for some reason not like them and in fact hated them. This was kinda draining cuz they never wanted to talk abt stuff I liked, without actually directly saying so. They'd just shit talk them the whole time or say they hate them. So I stopped talking about what I liked. Later, they'd suddenly really like said media or characters and only then was it fine to talk about them. But in turn they'd be possessive and if I said oh okay I'll step back from them they would make me feel like I was being stupid because "no they didn't say I couldn't like them".

Anyway thats not rly the worst of it of course, the actual bad stuff is now so again, final warning for self harm/suicide. Will square off the triggering sections.

*********************

They struggled with their mental health a lot. Like a lot. I'd be there for them to listen, offer help and support because I like to take care of ppl and make sure they'll be okay. Except it escalated to them using me to talk them out of harming themself and killing themself. And this was almost everyday/night. And need I just say they were an hour ahead of me as well btw. I went to university in 2019 originally and by December I was completely burnt out because I spent every day and night making sure they didn't fucking do anything to themself. I got at most 2-3 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky and I stopped doing my hobbies and uni work because I just had no drive to do them anymore. It was clear I was also suffering mentally. I was suicidal and thinking of harming myself as well (and unfortunately I did do so a couple times). But I prioritised them. Everything was triggering for them, and I mean that. I had a long list pinned to my wall of everything I was to avoid mentioning because it would trigger them.

They never took care about my own mental health btw, which I'm not saying they HAD to but I know it was because they just didn't care. And they said as much too. They said because they are autistic they have no empathy and therefore do not feel anything about my mental health. So I suffered basically alone.

*********************

I dropped out of uni in early 2020 and in fact went home the weekend lockdown began in the UK. Things were not good. I was still trying to be support for shithead, I went to therapy and started medication for the wrong reasons. I wanted to get better so I could take care of them. Which like. Never do that. Never go to therapy so you can be someone else's therapist. Go to therapy because YOU want to be better for YOURSELF.

We were in in a bigger friendship group spread across a few discord servers and they all broke down one way or another. One instance there was an argument between shithead and a bunch of others who were comparing who had it worse during ww2. The others were Americans but were also of Jewish heritage with family who were affected by the holocaust and shithead lives in a country near where the holocaust happened with relatives who went through a famine. Either way it was just not gonna be a good conversation. Shithead left, I stayed and like I already don't rly talk to people much in groups because its overwhelming but I did do a little bit. Someone who was friends with shithead and still in the server told shithead I was talking to the others and in turn I basically betrayed shithead. Hindsight I wish I had just left the server ages before and like maybe j shouldn't have talked to the others idk. I regret it either way and think abt it a lot.

Another few shitty things I did in response to how shithead would treat me is giving them the silent treatment, giving short answers etc. I wanted them to feel bad, but it would round back to me being told I'm a coward and horrible to them. Which maybe I was but frankly I was scared of them.

*********************

Things began to rly break down when they showed me their fresh self harm wounds, blood and all, because they were "bored". I didn't talk to them for a few days and their apology wasn't much of an apology, more just making excuses again (aka I have autism so it's not my fault). I started talking less and less because by this point my brain had had enough ig and began to close off from them and just ppl in general.

*********************

In 2022 I finally returned to university and thats also when I finally stopped talking to them. A few months ago I finally blocked them on everything. However, I still struggle with communication and don't rly do it much. It's difficult to maintain friendships and I don't trust easily. I plan on going back to therapy whenever i can because this is just unresolved. But yeah idk I'm sorry to everyone who I haven't responded to, or take a long time to respond to.

One thing that is good tho is that like, after shithead I didn't enjoy anything. I didn't rly watch or hyperfixate on anything. But last year around this time I came across an Aaron Hotchner x plus size reader fic and I've been obsessed with him since!! And now here we are, got a blog and everything for a fandom finally after so long :) so it's not all bad.

But yeah that's why I struggle keeping up with messages and asks. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you've read this far then thank you and you mean a lot. Big hugs to yawl and I hope yawl have a lovely day, and if not then please take it easy 💖💖💖💖

#vent post #tw vent #tw: self harm #tw suicide #tw self harm #a speaks

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mingiswow · 1 year

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I posted 4,188 times in 2022

163 posts created (4%)

4,025 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@jjaes

@letthehatersbark

@hyunjinz

@ohoshi

@dazzlingkai

I tagged 803 of my posts in 2022

#kpop - 69 posts

#bee.txt - 58 posts

#bee’s rant - 55 posts

#kpop x reader - 50 posts

#nct - 37 posts

#wrong place right time - 36 posts

#kpop scenarios - 36 posts

#nct 127 - 35 posts

#nct 127 headcanons - 33 posts

#nct smau - 33 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#jisung rly said today is the day to give lotta 3racha at night w hip cocked bin and knee brace chris and my trashboy in between.. god bless.

My Top Posts in 2022:

Boyfriend!Changbin

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake. And you can always tell me what’s wrong.

Oof

Kay

Not ready but here we go

Changbin is S O F T

he just tries to be dark and we all know that

but he is a soft human being and you can’t tell me otherwise

and we go cliche all over again

coffee bf

yeah

so you work at a small coffee shop near jype building

and he went there once because he wanted something new

and boy got in love not only with the coffee but you

he could buy his coffee at the jype cafeteria? yes

would save him money? yes

but would he see you? no

so you can imagine what he chose

so every day he would go there and order his usual iced coffee

and engage in some conversation with you

and within time he would get to know you better

until someday you actually asked him out

to his surprise bc you did first

but obv he said yes

and that how it goes

ngl the boys joke around with him because he gets all giggly and stupid in love whenever he talks about you

whenever he thinks about you

I feel like he wouldn’t care if you were older or younger than him

but he would really like it if you were older than him

See the full post

253 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

Summary: you worked really hard for that, and you finally were accepted as an exchange student at Neo Culture Institute of Technology. But, for some reason, the system crashed and put you into an all-boys dorm.

Pairing: Johnny Suh x female reader

Warnings: curse words, suggestive themes, mentions of alcohol use, mentions of food, mentions of cheating (if I forgot anything let me know)

Status: completed

⚠️ this is a fictional piece, the characters and their behaviors are purely fictional and DO NOT represent their actual personalities

⚠️ There will be quite a few written chapters because I love them

⚠️ English is not my first language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake

⚠️ I didn’t realize that Haechan’s name was wrong halfway through the story being written so please pretend is right lol

⚠️ Time, days and other dates don't matter to the story

⚠️ I tried my best to make it as inclusive as possible so everyone can enjoy the story

See the full post

325 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

Boyfriend!Hyunjin

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake. And you can always tell me what’s wrong.

Thx to the anon who requested Hyunjin's version 💖💖

ok listen to me very carefully:

he gets wiped really easily

He believes in love at first sight for sure

which is kinda what happened with you

you’ll be with your friends at one of those open karaoke things

idk man i don’t have karaoke where I live

and then he saw you enjoying yourself and having fun

he let out a little giggle and you saw him standing there looking at you

then you started to sing to him as a joke

and boy oh boy

he liked your attitude

he really likes confident people

but if you’re not, i’m sure he’ll fall for your personality

he’s not the one to care about looks

so back with the meeting thing

after you went back to your table with your friends he kept looking at you

But was too afraid to do something lmao

So he just sent a drink with a little note asking for your number

which you obviously gave to him

And the rest is story

like I said baby boy gets attached really fast

so expect him wanting to spend a lot of time with you

he’s not big on pda

especially in front of the boys

he gets all shy and flustered

but when you guys are alone he has you always on his lap

and if you’re bigger than him, he’ll be on your lap

See the full post

425 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

Boyfriend!Lee Know

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake. And you can always tell me what’s wrong.

ah… our mischievous cat boy

ok, it’s hard for me to read him ngl

he comes off as very cold sometimes but then he’ll become the softest

anywho

I feel like baby boy lee know is hard to conquer

so it took a lot for you to win his heart

but when you do,,,, oof prepare yourself

I feel like you’d catch his eye while working

You were one of the staff at the tv station where he mc’s

and he saw how hard you’d work, making sure everything was right

running from side to side checking on everyone without losing your smile and your sympathy

don’t tell him but he fell for your smile

so seeing you every week and slowly interacting with each other made him grow fond of you

and after discussing to himself if he should or not he asked you out

you were quite shocked but said yes nonetheless

after all, you ain’t dumb and he is a gorgeous human being

let’s be honest here: he LOVES to show you off to the boys

you are his precious girl and he is the lucky man to be with you

“you’re so annoying after you started going out with y/n”

“annoying because you’re single and lonely”

proud proud proud boyfriend

he is your biggest supporter

will always be there for you

I think he’ll make it big when asking you to be his girlfriend

not like flash mob and public stuff hell no

I’m talking more like fancy dinner on a rooftop just for the two of you

soft music on the bg and shit

Minho is not much fond of pda

See the full post

445 notes - Posted January 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Boyfriend!Bang Chan

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there’s any mistake. And you can always tell me what’s wrong.

Chan is my bias so y’all better buckle up

You guys met through mutual friends

Nothing oh my god

I feel like it would pretty normal lol

Like, your friend invite you to some of his get-togethers and Chan was there

You started to talk because you were in the same little circle of people

And you noticed you had a lot in common

Especially when it came to cultural taste

So you spend the whole night drinking and talking about music, movies, and books

You barely noticed the time now that you both were getting really tipsy

Ending up sleeping on the couch of your friend house cuddled to each other

When you woke up the next morning you guys exchanged numbers

And kept talking every day

He even asked for music recommendations to play in Chan’s room

You started meeting each other in his studio for helping him and the other boys with music

You didn’t even realize but when you saw you two were acting like a couple

“I think we should make it official”

“What?”

“Our relationship”

So that’s how you became a couple

I feel like Chan would be a very relaxed boyfriend

He already stresses himself so much with the whole idol thing

So he just wants to enjoy you and your relationship

In the beginning, he’s not going to push you into PDA

especially around the boys

but a few months into the relationship the boy won’t leave your side

ngl the boys will act a little jealous

but because they love their leader and want them happy

See the full post

788 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Not them calling me out for not using tags lol #I’m just lazy tho #thx to everyone that interacted with my posts #I love you all so much #every like and reblog is so important to me

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snowflakeb0ttles · 2 years

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hot tips for when u are at a department store (particularly target but this goes for others too maybe) from me (an extremely tired target worker😔)

1. if you unfold shirts or pants dont even try to refold them if u dont know how. u cant. its gonna be bad. i understand youre trying to help but just leave it unfolded fr. i gotta fix it regardless and its easier to start from scratch (also i get that larger sizes are typically underneath the smaller ones but please for the love of god do not unfold every single shirt in a stack to get to the bottom one.)

2. if u steal (which i encourage) dont. leave ur tags/empty boxes in the fitting rooms/anywhere else bc. we gotta report those and its not fun :/ just take ur damn garbage bro it's easier for everyone. There aint nothing to report if there is no evidence babes !!!!

3. if u are looking through clothes that are hanging and something falls off the hanger onto the floor,,,,please put it back on the hanger,,,,this is such a big problem people literally watch shit drop and leave it there while i stand and watch it happen too . please . (also the tops of the hangers point left not right pls dont put them backwards,,)

4. you dont have to count how many items u need for the fitting room. you dont have to ask if you can go in. just walk in there besties that is all (this is probably only target specific)

AND FINALLY

4. please be kind . thats literally it. like i get it. youve probably had a bad day or whatever and im sorry but ive been here 9 hours and dont really feel like getting yelled at over a pair of gloves. (i had a lady ask me where the gloves were, i told her i wasnt sure but pointed her in a direction i thought id seen some and she got pissed at me and said "THAT WAS A BAD ANSWER." and left. like damn ok. bye.) ANYWAY . thanks for coming to my ted talk

#IDK WHAT TO TAG THIS AS I JUST GOT RLY . OVER IT TODAY #capitalism is so good so sexy ahahhaa (lying)

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perce · 6 years

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pretty sure i blacked out for the entirety of 2017

#mine #by that i mean i spent Significantly less time on here than i had 2013-2016 and i was going thru some stuff on my acc n realizing wow #when did this all happen?? oh yeah prob while i was Not Here #this used to be my ‘escape’ n it just. isnt anymore and ive been Aware i wasnt on as much but for some reason it just rly hit me #that i kinda just dont need tumblr so much these days? i pop in the check stuff n throw things in my queue out of nostalgia #can you be nostalgic for a thing thats still present in your life? maybe thats not the right word. but its not entirely out of need like-#before. nor is it bc i feel required? the mood just strikes me sometimes #ive also noticed i dont read as much fic or generally participate in fandom like At All anymore #ive not even been keeping up with ml lmao. just sorta figured id. watch it when its on netflix i guess #i say all this but tbh ive read a Lot of fic the past couple days and ive had fun! makes me miss some of the ppl i havent talked to in ages #and then w WoW legion n meeting ppl thru wow discords all my energy has just sort of gone toward wow? like 7.3.5 is happening TODAY and #im so excited about it aaaaaaaaa; which i guess is also why when i am on its usually over on my wow blog #i dont really know what im getting at anymore maybe i was just due for a tag ramble. it has been awhile i suppose lol #maybe the jist of it all is that ive changed? not like a lot but enough where i dont need tumblr to be such an emotional crutch.#like 2017 was fucking terrible on a large scale but honestly? i think thats the steadiest ive been in years #made some tough choices on account of my health and got a job and have just been? having fun? still do the walking tho #but i also actually talk to people on a pretty regular basis which is honestly fucking huge #and im now realizing some ppl from said discord follow me and if u wind up reading my edited in tags hello wch has had a wonderful impact-#on my life so thank you #uhhhh yeah idk. bad stuff happened but good things did too. maybe i’ll come back to ml n all that this year but with a better headspace #bc aforementioned fic reading ive begun to really miss the show n all the content. got swept up by wow again lmao. as is my life #whew i had a lot to get off my chest i guess!! still nice to poke in and update tho #long tags #OK JUST 2 LAST THINGS 1 I TYPED THIS ALL ON MOBILE YIKES 2 I JUST REALIZED IM HAVING EMOTIONS BC ITS 9AM N IVE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT #didnt i say good night to swamp at like 5 am?? ripppppppppppp

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yaoiplug · 4 years

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last time complaining then i sleep

#the thing is the fact that if something doesn't do ''well'' i just get insecure and stoo rbing it #bc I'll rb it then in the notes i was the last person to ... interact with the gifset #and it was from hours ago #some of u r being sweet and rbing after i complained about it but thing is that's only bc i complained about it.#if i didn't you'd most likely just scroll by #I'm not being mean just saying like.. if ppl didn't scroll past it then itd have notes but it obviously doesnt xhdjbd #and when u guys rbed it it like nothing came from that idk how to explain it #basically im just getting insecure i dont wanna make anything ever again #and thing is i was working on something before the video dropped and #after I was done with this gifset i took a break thinking id get back to it later but i just got upset and i rly idk #i dont feel like doing that either #granted right now i shouldn't be wanting to bc its 6am i should be wanting to go to sleep #but like earlier today i was so excited abt that i saved all these videos and i had everything in mind and now its like i keep spiraling #and i dont want to make anything ever again #i started out doing this for me but like after a while after i could tell what was doing 'well' and what wasnt i just started over analyzing #i can't see what i ended that tag on so i don't know where my thoughts ... idk what i was saying.#yeah anyway hope i wake up without the childhood trauma #specifically the one that makes me crave validation for everything i do from everyone..#imma keep y'all posted on that ✌️😗#bottom.txt

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football-and-fanfics · 3 years

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Bromance week posting #4

Who: Mason Mount, Declan Rice. Request: Sorry I think I accidentally just sent in a request half finished so I’ll write it here😊. I was wondering if you could do bromance week with Declan Rice and Mason Mount? I was thinking something along the lines of Declan being rly protective of mason and maybe some other members of the England team 🤷🏻‍♀️ Because the team England are playing against are being mean to mason/ maybe bullying him? Thank you - btw I’m new to this so idk if I’ve done it right xx Requested by: anonymous Warnings: mild swearing Thanks for your request. Hope you'll like it :-)

Mason must admit that, in the heat of the moment, he said some things, too, that weren't the kindest and certainly not the smartest given the situation. But England's opponent of today got so under his skin with their targeted fouls and hissed comments, that he simply lost control of himself. Mason finally bursting out of his skin in anger ignited the situation completely. "Fuck you!" Mason spat the words at the first player of the opposing team he came across, after yet again insulting comments were strewn around like confetti. "If I hear one more comment, I'll break your fucking nose!" Immediately, Mason was surrounded by five, six players from the other team, and they all looked ready to start throwing punches. "Say what?" One of them growled, giving Mason a shove in the chest. Mason took a few involuntary steps back, but before he could retort, Declan jumped in between them and shielded Mason behind his back. Throwing his arms wide, Declan did everything he could to keep the angry opposing players from reaching Mason. "Leave him alone," Declan growled angrily. He, too, received a few hard shoves, but stood his ground. These men looked absolutely ready to shred Mason to pieces, and he was not going to let that happen. "And what are you going to do about it, chopstick?" The biggest of the men got into Declan's face now. "Everything I have to do." Declan bit back. "Dec, no." Mason feebly grabbed Declan's arm, to prevent him from getting into the fight instead. Declan ignored him, though, still standing his ground against the group of opposing players, and not backing down or stepping away. He wasn't even considering doing any such thing. Finally, the rest of the England squad intervened too, and Declan was able to steer Mason away from the situation. "I shouldn't have done that." Mason remorsefully shook his head. "No," Declan answered out of breath, "they seriously looked ready to end you. And I'm afraid they'll only be coming after you even more for the remainder of the match." "Probably." Mason passed a trembling hand over his face. It had startled him how fast this situation had gotten out of hand. "Thanks for getting in between, though." "Yeah, you owe me on that one." Declan gently held his hands to his chest. "All that pushing and shoving earned me a few bruises." "I'll make it up to you." Mason felt sorry for his friend getting hurt over something he started. "Ah!" Declan waved away the apology. "They didn't end up hurting you, so it was all worth it." Tags: @glam-khal, @evie-pr, @gryffinwars, @auawdo, @meteora-fc, @de-geas, @grealishstones, @quacksonlover81, @livstilinski, @real-mbappe

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surpriserose · 3 years

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dude its like 3 am i think im just gonna drop my oc thing rn because its so hard to end things so im just like...leaving it as is sjldhkajscn also im too tired to be self conscious

uh content warning is like body horror, eye trauma based horror, smoking and thats about it i think. pretty standard stuff for jojos

also this kind of requires cioccolata and secco killing sorbet and gelato to be canon, even though its anime only and it makes no sense but dont worry about it jkdafhlklf also this is like almost 2500 words so idk kdfhjsalkjdnfa idk ill add tags and like an actual summary and shit when its not 3 amdjlfahd also i rly hope i didnt make anyone out of character and like...any of this makes sense GOD ill shut up now jdflsdnjas

Dead men tell no tales, but they send messages. Risotto learned that the hard way. The 36 frames of Sorbet sat in front of him, with Gelato’s corpse already stored in the mortuary chamber to the left. Gelato’s foresight was likely the only thing stopping there from being 72 frames. Casu Marzu appreciated that, it made her job easier if nothing else. She stood to Risotto’s left, estimating the amount of work it would take to have any kind of burial for Sorbet. Risotto was silent, and she gave him a moment. They could take some time before they had to get to any unpleasant business. After a minute, Risotto picked up the bonesaw from the table beside him, the sharp slide of metal on metal breaking the silence. Risotto would start at the top and Casu Marzu would start at the bottom, meeting each other halfway for the second time today.

Risotto stared at the saw in his hands, gripping the handle tightly. It was plain to see what he was thinking for once. The same tools used to tear Sorbet apart would help put him back together. Risotto stood there as Casu Marzu moved to the bottom end of the table, to frame number one.

“Hesitating won’t help him,” Casu Marzu said, leaning over the frame.

“Did you know this was going to happen?” Risotto asked. The identity of the actual culprit hung unspoken but understood between them.

“If I did, I would have suggested another method. That man has no respect for the dead.” Casu Marzu noticed movement in her periphery vision and looked up, meeting a set of scalpels directly at eye height. “Risotto. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but it’s the truth. I don’t lie and I don’t go back on my word,” Casu Marzu said, a cruel smile on her lips. “I’m no traitor.”

Searing pain erupted in Casu Marzu’s head as it jerked forward with the alien feeling of blood rushing to fill every vein in her face. She felt like her face was about to split open at the seams. The scalpels were less than a centimeter away now, filling up her vision. Casu Marzu quickly threw her hands up in surrender.

“Alright! I pushed my luck there, I got it! But if you want any chance of having an open casket, you want my eyes working!” Casu Marzu cried. She reached out with her Stand’s arm, gripping the scalpel in front of her left eye. It felt like she was wading against the current even doing that. “Risotto!”

“You’re provoking me. Why?”

“No reason for it.” Her head jumped half a centimeter closer. At this point, Casu Marzu was sure blinking would slice up her eyelids. “Jesus Christ!”

“Did the boss send you?”

“I sent myself.”

“You’re not lying that time. Not entirely.” Risotto lowered his arm, the right scalpel falling with it and clattering to the ground.

“Thank you. I was afraid I would have to ruin a good set of scalpels.” Casu Marzu rubbed her face, the blood flow returning back to normal. She grabbed the scalpel she had grabbed earlier and examined it before placing it back down gingerly. “So that’s your Stand? Iron? In and outside the body if what I felt was any indication. Can you try not to go for the face next time? I want to leave a prettier corpse than-”

“Was that your goal? Information?” Risotto interrupted.

“No. I told you, my goal is to help you. The only ulterior motive I have is getting the last word in and laying Sorbet and Gelato to rest. Whatever information you give up is of your own accord.” Surely you understand that, Casu Marzu thought.

“But it’ll all get back to the boss,” Risotto said solemnly.

“I report to him, so yes, if he asks I won’t lie.” Casu Marzu paused, weighing how much to give away. “But if you want me to swear something to you, we’ll be in a church tomorrow. Ask me then.”

“I never said you were invited to the funeral.”

“Would you deny me a chance to see how my handiwork is received?” Casu Marzu asked, picking up frame number one, a pair of dark translucent arms overlaying her own. Without any apparent outside force, the formalin began to decay, melting and breaking off into chunks. The scent became even sharper and more unpleasant. Casu Marzu let the tip of Sorbet’s toes fall onto the operating table in a heap. “At least he’s preserved already. Bastard did half the job for me, even if I’m gonna have to sew him up.”

“You’re showing me your Stand?” Risotto asked.

“I suppose I am.” Casu Marzu smiled slightly. “We’re even now, aren’t we? I’ll even forget that you attacked me.”

“What are you playing at?”

“I’m trying to get a job done, nothing more. Death Grips is just more precise than a bonesaw. Speaking of which, I would appreciate it if you started on your end. The more you cut off the less of a hassle it’ll be for me.”

Relieved for the break in the exhausting conversation, Risotto started earnestly sawing off chunks of formalin. He did his best to avoid Sorbet’s agonized eyes. The two of them worked up and down the frozen slabs of Sorbet’s body. Casu Marzu organized the freed pieces of Sorbet, lining them up to be sewn back together. The frames melted away one by one, and soon Sorbet’s legs were free again. Risotto was slower, methodically shaving down the frames and setting them aside. When an uneasy peace had settled between them through the steady progress they had made, Casu Marzu spoke up again.

“Tell me about them,” she said, working on the frames around Sorbet’s midsection.

“No. This is a job and nothing else. You said it yourself. Don’t pester me any more,” Risotto said quietly.

“You’re dressed for mourning, but this isn’t the wake. You don’t have to be so tight-lipped. And you could be forgiven for wanting to reminisce, you know.”

Risotto stayed silent, methodically sawing down the sides of the frames. Squares into rectangles, breaking Sorbet out more with every rotation. He spun them clockwise as he finished each side, Sorbet’s jaw twisting on an invisible neck as if he was an owl.

Casu Marzu pressed harder, moving a few frames ahead. “You know, I’d say he was alive up until about here-”

“Don’t,” Risotto said darkly. Casu Marzu kept her finger on the slab containing a slice of Sorbet’s chest, the bottom two chambers of his heart. The tools around them started to rattle, and Casu Marzu finally backed down. They worked in silence for a few minutes, Casu Marzu sneaking glances at Risotto as he glared at the frames he worked on. The sound of rhythmic sawing became unbearable, Casu Marzu opened her mouth to speak but Risotto beat her to it. “They were the first two I recruited for my team.” It was a measured response. Not emotionless, but guarded, giving up as little information as possible. Information that was easy to find and harmless enough on its own. He sounded resigned, he knew he would be forced to suffer this conversation.

“Were you friends?” Casu Marzu asked.

Risotto didn’t speak. A complete non-starter then, Casu Marzu decided. Risotto was too afraid to give an answer that would be used against him.

“How long did you work together then?” Bring emotions out of it.

“A year… year and a half on our own until we recruited Ghiaccio. I’m sure you already know this,” Risotto said.

“I’m sure I do.”

“Then you have no reason to ask,” Risotto said, gritting his teeth.

“I like to talk while I work,” Casu Marzu remarked.

“Stop lying to me. Why are you really here?”

“You’ve received the boss’ message already. Why would he send me?” Casu Marzu asked breezily.

“He wants to know what I know, that much is obvious,” Risotto said.

Casu Marzu smiled. “Perhaps.

you know anything?”

“No.”

“That was a bit too quick, Risotto. Have you been practicing your responses? You should be, make sure they don’t sound as stilted as that,” Casu Marzu prodded.

“I have nothing to

I knew nothing about this,” Risotto said, gripping the bonesaw tightly.

“Make sure they don’t sound that defensive, either,” Casu Marzu replied, smirking.

“Are you trying to

me into talking?”

“Only if it works.”

“Then you’re wasting your time,” Risotto said.

“Because it won’t work or because you know nothing?” Casu Marzu asked.

“I told you. They didn’t tell me anything,” Risotto responded, with a particularly harsh slide forward with the bonesaw.

“So Sorbet and Gelato died for nothing?”

Risotto’s eyes narrowed. “I’m giving you one chance to take that back before I kill you,” he said slowly.

“It seems like frustrating you works very well. You should keep that in mind,” Casu Marzu said smugly. Risotto scowled, slowly tightening his fist. “Wait! I respect your skills, Risotto, but you should really think through killing me. You can hide my body as well as you’d like, but it won’t matter if the boss knows you’re the last person I saw. You’ve gotta weigh that risk.”

“I can make sure you never talk again,” Risotto said. Casu Marzu felt a scratching at the back of her throat, slowly rising upwards.

“That’s twice as suspicious,” Casu Marzu coughed out, her voice hoarse. “The boss knows if I ever shut up it's because someone attacked me. Not that you would. I’m sure whatever’s happening to my throat is completely unrelated to everything you said. But if it was, I’d stop it now before anything else happens.”

“Then take back what you said.”

“You have no power to negotiate here, but…” Casu Marzu stopped smiling, letting the mask drop. “It’s true, Sorbet and Gelato didn’t die for nothing. I’m sorry. And I am genuinely here to give them the burial they deserve. I’m here to help. Because you’re vulnerable right now, Risotto. More than you realize, if you keep jumping to attack me. You’re scrambling to exert as much power as you can right now and that’s dangerous.”

“That’s the first thing you’ve said that sounded remotely genuine.”

“I know!” Casu Marzu said brightly, smiling again. “Well, I certainly need a smoke break after that. How about you, Risotto?” Casu Marzu asked, reaching into her jacket pocket and offering him the pack. Risotto refused to respond. “Suit yourself. I’m sure I can trust you to stay with the body for a few minutes,” she said, waving dismissively as she walked away. She went up the basement stairs and through the dreary grey mortuary hallways until she reached the front doors. Sunlight spilled in through the frosted windows on the double doors. Casu Marzu pushed one of them open with one hand and pulled her phone out with the other. She dialed quickly, and the person on the other end of the line picked up just as quickly.

“Doppio? Yeah, it’s me. Sorry, I know I sound different, it’s the cigarettes.” Casu Marzu said. “Yes, I know smoking will kill me.” She pulled out her compact, opening it up and glancing at her face before angling it to reflect the doors she came out of. God, Risotto did a number on me, I’m gonna have to start using more foundation, she thought. Red spider veins had spread across her face like cracks in a broken mirror. The aftermath of Risotto’s attack was going to be a bitch to hide. “Yeah, I’m still here,” Casu Marzu said, realizing she had spaced out for a second. “Risotto knows nothing. Sorbet and Gelato acted entirely on their own, and they likely didn’t find anything. But his weakness is caring too much, I told you the corpses would expose that.” She paused, listening intently. “No, I didn’t see his Stand. But I’m attending the service tomorrow, I’ll report anything I find. Yes. Goodbye.” Casu Marzu ended the call and snapped her compact shut. Bastard never even came out, she thought, thought he’d like to hear. Thought I made it obvious I wanted him to.

“So, you’re covering up information for me,” Risotto’s voice asked.

“Hm?” Casu Marzu looked around, seeing no sign of him. “When did you come out? How much did you hear?”

“Enough.”

“Wow, I can’t believe I let anything slip,” Casu Marzu said flatly, a smile on her face.

“Why risk lying like that?” Risotto asked, his voice now directly behind Casu Marzu. She whirled around to face him, hands instinctively raised to block. She lowered them when she saw Risotto casually leaning against the doorframe. Trying to recover, Casu Marzu smoothed out her suit jacket and smiled again.

"I never lied. I didn't see your Stand. And who’s to say I wasn’t covering it up because I knew you were there? Who’s to say I simply won’t tell the boss later? Don't think I'm betraying anyone on your behalf. Besides, isn't it fun to know something someone else doesn't? Maybe that's the simple reason Sorbet and Gelato acted alone. Maybe it wasn’t to protect you at all."

Risotto glared at her. "Stop speaking about them. You didn't know them."

“And there's my point. You’re provokable, Risotto, work on that. You’re going to have to face tougher questions than anything I asked you today and you have to be prepared. That’s

message to you. The hitman team is in a precarious situation right now, and if you slip up I’m the one who will have to clean you all up. And I don’t want to do that.”

“You’re lying again.”

“You’re right. I won’t be the one to clean you up,” Casu Marzu sighed bitterly. “You look surprised, if I’m not imagining things. I told you earlier I want the last word in over my… teammate.” Casu Marzu grimaced. “And I don’t get that if you fuck up again. But I have faith in you.”

“Do you want me to be thankful? To owe you some kind of favor?” Risotto spat. “You haven’t told me anything I didn’t already know.”

“The only favor you could offer me would be to stay alive, at least until the boss reins in that bastard. He’s chomping at the bit to exterminate the rest of your team. And I’m sure neither of us want him to get what he wants. Other than that? I don’t really care.”

Risotto looked up at the sky. “Aright,” was the only thing he said.

“That’s it?” Casu Marzu asked. Risotto didn’t respond. Casu Marzu looked up at the sky too. It was cloudless, the sun shining brightly over the two of them. “I hope the funeral goes well.”

“You’re not coming?”

“You didn’t invite me,” Casu marzu said, smiling. “I’ll let you lay them to rest in peace. They deserve that much.”

“They do.”

#ahhh the formatting got fucked uppppp #why does every site hate indents #uh anyway yeah take this hopefully it makes any sense #casu marzu

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lilolilyr · 3 years

Text

Tagged by @ongreenergrasses, thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Way over 300! Tho it feels like it's been at 300sth so long by now, it'll be weird to look at once it hits 400 :D

Btw, funny how this tag meme asks for so much stuff that can be looked up by just... looking at my Ao3... without asking for any commentary by me? Lol

Anyhow, rest under the readmore bc this is 20 questions and Long!

Personal post - do not reblog

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

995596 - just a few more ficlets or 1 longer fic, and I've got a Million! Hey, maybe I should try to write one with... 4404? (I'd need to ask a calculator xD) words exactly... not rly a hardship with how many drabble exercises (exact wordcounts, 100 is the most used, I also do 200, 500, longest was 10000 exactly lol) I've already done... we'll see!

Over 400k for this year alone, and over half of that is my actual writing (not translations etc), I'm so proud! Last year I only barely hit 200k and that included a lot of translating work

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Again, one could look this up in my works filtered - sorted by kudos? But all three of my incubus!jaskier witcher series are in it, part 2 of the series is highest with 1091 kudos, then a Venom halloween oneshot, and 'Belonging', a fluffy snake-crowley piece from my ineffable spouses series (yes, sth with under 1k words - 666 to be exact - is in the top 5... my poor longfics lol)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

...I try to? But atm I have 202 unanswered (and I always click 'mark read' on replies so these are all comments on my own fic) even tho I told myself I'd not let it get past 200, and now I'm doing a tag meme instead of replying to anything so ummmm

Edit: 203 unread now

But I do love love love all the comments I get! And while atm it's still semi-manageable, if it ever gets to the point where I really can't manage to reply to everyone cause it's too much, i'd rly take that as a compliment lol :D I'd still try to reply to the longer and/or more thought through comments tho :)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

*thinks* I have an MCD fic? But not only is that very much a case of ~posting a draft version that's barely in complete sentences insgead of taking the time to turn it into a real longfic~, I also just killed off the mlm couple I only semi care about and left the wlw couple with a happy/hopeful (rly don't remember) ending, so... hm idk whether that counts for angsty ending

Apart from that... I dunno, I just prefer my babies to be happy and fluffy? *.* i remember a mirror milippa in the mirrorverse one where in the end Michael is worried about lying to Philippa about her identity... there are some angsty TOG and Gomens ones but I think they end happy-ish (my memory is. Bad. but looking through my 'angst' tag I just saw a lot of h/c and 'angst with a happy ending')

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They're all happy???!?

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Ahahahahahhahahaahaha

Check this out

I need you to know that all the works in that collection take part in the same universe (or rather, multiverse), and are alltogether just scratching the surface of my gigantic headcanon multiverse that I've been building in my mind since I was like 10

Actual crossovers other than that I don't remember writing

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeh but I only remember clicking 'delete comment', as it should be

Recently I've just gotten a bunch of 'you Need to continue this' and 'omg why isn't there more' or 'this shouldn't end' type comments, not hate, probably not meant maliciously, but So Annoying (maybe espesh bc I don't want to just hit delete on these, but I also don't want to pretend it's fine, but I also don't have the energy for a fight, and trying to explain why that behaviour is entitled and annoying and that I write what I want to write and nice comments should praise what I actually have written, and hoping that they understand and don't get mad is... hard.)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Check out my rated E and rated M in my works

Mostly femslash lately, but I did also write other smut in the past

Most is a bit dominant/submissive play, but I do also like good fluffy smut with feelings! Best in combo, really :D

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not in the sense of pretending someone else wrote it (that i know of), but posted to other sites without my permission - writing 'don't repost to other sites' etc did Not help, they even copied those tags lol, so I just let it be, choosing my battles wisely etcetc, I'd prefer for my fic not to be cross-posted by others bc then I can't edit or otherwise influence the fic anymore and don't see everyone's reactions to it, but as long as it's not someone pretending they wrote it, I only semi care, not enough to fight it tbh

PSA: I Only post fics to Ao3 (and WIPs/prompt fills to tumblr&discord at times), if you see them somewhere else that's Not Me and you'd do me a favour by checking them out on ao3 and kudosing&commenting there instead :)

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yup, one to Russian a while back, a floreleine (Gunpowder Milkshake) one to Korean just today actually, and I translated a bunch to German myself

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I made a TOG fic together with @cinnamonplums, well mostly I wrote and she made the art :D

Trying to remember whether I ever actually co-wrote anything... don't think so?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Don't make me choose!!!

Atm Milippa is OTP bc I'm busy writing them for @discoveryfemslashfortnight (this is not a post to reblog for the fortnight), but I'm also still rly into Floreleine, Bering&Wells and Andromaquynh and Andronilynh, and I read a lot of Mirandy lately

All-time favs I'm not rly active in atm but will always be dear to me are the ineffable spouses, clintcoulson, heistwives, gosh so many more I'll stop here tho xD

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Heistwives Kinda Job immediately comes to mind

I also rly want to finish at least one cohesive original-ish storyline for the lverse that I already linked for the crossover question above, but I just have so much backstory (it's been over 10 years!!!) and it's... hard...

And everything else that's still WIP and untouched for more than a few months will probably have the same fate lol

Also have a few that haven't even seen the light of day at all, most recent a Mirandy ~what if Andy had been pregnant when Miranda hired her and how would it change the entire storyline~ bit - I wrote it in bulletpoints in one go as quickly as I could, I know I had the finished product in my mind, I don't remember anything now and don't feel like going through the bulletpoints painstakenly filling in the blanks

15. What are your writing strengths?

Writing one-shots quickly in one go

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Forgetting everything about a fic if I leave it in a draft for a second too long

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There are many ways to go about it, and I think they all work (depending on the fic and the length and relevance of the dialogue)

I tend to leave single sentences as is, and for longer and important sequences use cursive and 'they said in xylanguage'.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Hobbit apparently? I remember thinking that fic was so long lol, it's 3k

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Kat/Ana from Reef Break, they have Such Shippable Chemistry, and it would totally fit Kat's player personality to bang both siblings (she's canonically friends with benefits with Ana's half-brother)... but the ship has one (1!) fic on Ao3 *cries*

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

TOG Andromaquynh longfic In Your Stead has had the title since last year and probably for a while to come! I loved the story idea so much I really worked with several drafts and only! worked on that fic until it was finished so I wouldn't get distracted & forget about it, and the result was wonderful.

Tagging, if you want to do it, @sarah-fiers @purlturtle @cookie-sheet-toboggan @ussjellyfish @onaperduamedee @startrekgeorgiouery @rosalie-starfall @lonely-night @banashee @xvnot15 and everyone else who sees this

Questions to copy:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? 20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

#tagging meme #tagged #mine #ongreenergrasses #ao3 tag #ao3 link #lilolilyrae #sept'21 #personal #Personal 2021 #28.09.21

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timep3tals · 4 years

Note

You asked for short iron dad drabbles, so heres an idea for one! During a mission Peter and Tony's suits are wrecked (EMP or something of your choice) before they defeat their opponent. Tony and Peter have to rely solely on Peter's spider strength and senses to survive.

thank you for the ask! sorry it took me a small ETERNITY to write it out, but... it’s finally done! fair warning for LANGUAGE tony has a potty mouth whoops. (also i actually rly like this one so i hope you guys do, too.)

Tony had felt helpless before.

He had felt helpless when Pepper fell to her doom feet away from Tony’s outstretched hand. He had felt helpless when Rhodey came crashing down to Earth, too far to reach. He had felt helpless when he received a call that his plane had crashed and the kid had been on the damn plane when it went down.

Always too far; never fast enough. Tony built suits for speed, but he could never seem to catch up to tragedy.

He had felt helpless when he sent a nuke out into the frozen depths of space and stared at what Tony knew would one day spell their doom.

(It didn’t end up being their doom; they were down a few faces in the compound, but the world survived, and the threat was finally, finally gone. The demons that lingered in his closet had been killed, and he could rest. Tony wasn’t sure he knew how to rest.)

None of that seemed to compare to this moment. Peter was inching ahead of him, silent save for the occasional hiss of air in and out of his lungs that barely reached Tony’s ears. The kid was on high alert, the hair on his arms visibly raised as they snuck through the compound where they were being held.

They’d been hit with a fucking EMP, and a pretty jacked up one at that, because it had managed to fry Tony’s suits. FRIDAY had sputtered out of commission, barely managing to eject his ass out into the open air before the suit cratered the Earth and Peter had launched himself off the ground through sheer fucking force to catch him before he plummeted.

These morons surrounded him and Tony was seething, teeth grit as they pointed guns at his kid, and he didn’t even get the opportunity to blast their faces in because his damn suit was out of commission. He was stubbornly useless as Peter gave into their demands to back off and wished looks could kill because then at least these assholes would drop dead from his glares.

It wasn’t as though they were entirely left out in the cold, though. Sure, Peter’s suit was also trashed and they couldn’t call for help, but the team knew where they were. Tony had long since sent out a distress signal, but it was just a waiting game until the others arrived, held up by the front lines of the fighters.

And, until then, they could rely on Peter’s spider-ness to remove the enemy’s bargaining chip. Once they’d turned enough eyes (and guns) off them, Peter had launched himself forward, taking down the enemies at a speed that was dizzying to watch.

They didn’t have time to scream before they were unconscious on the cold floor.

Tony would be impressed if he wasn’t too busy fighting back frustrated word-vomits.

Peter had grown so much, but it should be Tony getting them out of this situation. A fucking adult at least, not a seventeen year old who had too much to do with life than worry about getting Tony’s useless ass out of yet another prison.

“Stop,” Peter hissed, suddenly, pressing Tony back against the wall without even looking back. His arm was like steel and Tony grit his teeth so hard his ears rang. “There’s two ahead. I’m gonna take them out.”

“Careful, kid,” he reminded him, though it was pointless. Peter was already moving forward, crawling up onto the ceiling. Tony slammed his head back against the wall when he heard the sound of a muffled fight, relishing in the swirl of his eyes, before Peter reappeared and waved him on.

The cycle repeated and by the time the sun touched their skin, Tony was fighting a scream that was tearing his throat raw. Peter had done fucking fantastic, of course he had, Tony had expected no less, but it was so... so...

“There are the others,” Peter said, pointing towards the horizon where the others were jogging towards them, late, too goddamn late. What was the point of having backup if Peter ended up having to do all the work anyway? “Hey! Over here!”

“About time,” Tony snapped when the others got within range. Natasha smiled, small and wry, and he wanted to rip it off her face. Doesn’t she get it? “Thanks for coming so fast! Really, great help.”

“Mr. Stark,” Peter grumbled at his sharp tone. Tony ignored him. Teenagers didn’t get to be the ones lecturing him on his attitude.

He’ll be angry and bitter and annoyed and useless all he wants, thank you very much.

“Should’ve watched out for an EMP, if you’re gonna be so pissy about our response time when we’re fighting a few hundred guys,” Natasha said. “The hell crawled up your ass and died?”

“God, I fucking wonder. Maybe the fact the kid had to get us out, while I did fuckall.” Tony ran a frustrated, shaking hand through his hair and looked to the sky. One... two... three... counting was fuckin’ boring, and he still wanted to scream. “The Quinjet here already? Great, I’m leaving. Come on, kid, the others will take care of the cleanup.”

Peter hurried to follow when Tony took off, sending worried glances that burned on Tony’s skin.

“Kid, look,” he said, determinedly not looking at said kid, unable to see the damn understanding or pity or whatever the fuck was on Peter’s face. He just couldn’t see it. It would cause the mass of emotions all tangled up in his chest like a wildfire to explode, and he couldn’t.

Not until he was alone and buried in the smell of motor oil, hidden in the recesses of his workshop.

“You did good. Fuckin’ great. I just hated being the one having to rely on you. I’m the one supposed to be taking care of you, not the other way around, and it just. Really pisses me off that I was so useless today.”

Peter was quiet, then, “That’s a bunch of horseshit, Mr. Stark.”

“Excuse me?”

Tony managed a baffled glance at Peter, who shrugged.

“I mean, like, we’re both heroes. You rely on the Avengers. Why is it so bad to rely on me sometimes, too? Don’t you think I’m ever frustrated by how much you help me out? I want to protect people, and that includes you. So just shut up and take my help sometimes. It wasn’t even that dangerous today.”

Fuck, this kid. Tony turned away, biting viciously on his cheek to hide the smile that erupted across his face, unbidden. Damn this little asshole for making him feel better. Why couldn’t he just let Tony sulk?

“Yeah, yeah, rub it in my face kid. You’re so very talented with your sticky hands.”

“Mr. Stark, that sounds disgusting.”

“Jesus, I didn’t mean it like that. Where the hell is your head?”

Peter just laughed.

Tag List @keep-a-bucket-full-of-stars @just-the-daydreamer @serendipity--goddess @tony-wheres-my-supersuit @baloobird @fourdaysofrain @swagfictonreadingnerd @josywbu @as-clear-as-crystal @an-adventureland @hannah-emily-zhang @spideynamu @spideygirl2003 @fleur-dw @stark-genius @ifyoucanreadmymindthenimsorry @rain-brown @supernoetta @aelinasardothien @jaedray @snazzy-jas-z-is-a-fan-of @drowned-in-books @ditzy-daydreamer1 @emsxworld @starkfridays @avenging-criminal-bones @myyszka @stark-tony @ardenskyedarcy221b @emmaelsa0000 @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @littlemissagrafina @joyful-soul-collector @hold-our-destiny @bringitonvoldie (Lmk if you want to be added/removed! Sorry if yours doesn’t work idk man.)

#this also surprised me idk where this came from #my writing #drabble #tony stark #iron man #marvel #mcu #peter parker #spiderman #tony stark and peter parker #tony stark & peter parker #spiderson #spider son #iron dad #iron dad and spider son #iron dad spider son #iron dad and spiderson #yay! drabble

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perfectlullabies · 3 years

Text

i was tagged by @carygrantdyke to answer some questions !! 🌺

what is the first song you remember hearing?

no idea!! i’m sure it was something good though ;) my parents love music and they always played me songs to fall asleep to. i don’t remember anything in particular from later childhood but it probably was something by rihanna or other pop star from this time. hard to say!

what is the first band you got into?

guns’ n roses ehehe. i still listen to them sometimes but i’m not Into them. they definitely shaped me in some way and i can’t deny that!! i’d discovered michael jackson first though so if it counts then it’s michael :-))

do you collect any physical music?

yep! i collect cds (300+). i also own records but i do not buy any new ones anymore so it’s just those 50 (more or less) i’ve gathered over the years

what is your favorite piece of music memorabilia?

i don’t rly have any except for cds and records. i’ve got two posters, one of david bowie and the other of iggy pop and a couple of biographies i used to read when i was younger but they’re hardly favourites

what's your favourite concert you've ever been to?

hmm probably all three depeche mode gigs i’ve been to. one in 2017 and the other two in 2018. also pearl jam in 2014 (!!!)

if you could see one artist who is no longer alive in concert, who would it be?

there are so many, it’s actually so sad. but i’m gonna go with michael hutchence here so inxs

have you meet any musicians?

nope. not sure i’d like to either

what is your to go album when you're feeling sad?

shit it depends!! i’ll say all things must pass by george harrison. it’s such a comforting album for me

what is your to go album when you're feeling happy?

something energetic... lately it’s been everything by maneskin. does it mean i’ve been happy the past two months? no but let’s pretend!

what is one music documentary you love?

i rly liked mystify: michael hutchence from the ones i’ve seen in recent time. all the other ones seem to have escaped my mind rn. ah okay also that one abt george harrison - living in the material world

what is one dvd concert you love?

oof so many, live baby live inxs, 101 depeche mode, the very last ziggy stardust performance, queen at the rainbow ‘74 etc etc etc. i also got them on dvd except for live baby live. got a couple more as well

do you prefer listening to playlists or albums?

i make hundreds of playlists but i rarely listen to them from start to finish. it’s always more of a collection of certain moods. so i’d say albums

do you prefer listening to albums in order or on shuffle?

in order or particular songs. i never shuffle albums when i want to listen to the whole of it

what is your favorite deep cut song by your favourite artist?

damn this dumb bitch had to google what a deep cut song means!! idk first thing that came to mind is shout and my bonnie by the beatles. both are covers and none of them even sings in my bonnie but for some reason i’m mad abt those two little songs. they’re both on anthology album. it’s just an example that came to mind first but i’m rly tired today so we’ll leave it at that even tho i’m sure i could name plenty more

what is your favorite cd/cassete/vinyl you own in terms of packing?

i quite like the way the beatles albums are packed even though i’m not usually into paper packages and i like to stick to simple plastic ones. but i love a nice booklet so!! gotta say vinyls are always beautiful in terms of aesthetic so i’m kinda sad that 1) i can’t rly afford them and 2) i’m not a massive fan of the vinyl sound 3) my record player is old and new pressings almost always don’t play properly on it

tagging: @60sgroove, @madmanics, @eyes-like-a-pisces, @gombrowiczowski, @kingon33

#tag games

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janellion · 4 years

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HAPPPYYY BOKAY THURSDAYYYYYY!!!!!!!! *que air horns* Anyways would you like to write some 80’s AU Bokay head cannons?? Like how you first met??

TYSM FOR THE ASK BB!! i’m sorry it took so long for me to get to it! this ended up being,, WAY longer than i anticipated? i just went off on one idea so this is less general hcs and kinda how we met and got together! also i made a moodboard for no reason?

OK SO this is a college/uni bokay late 80s/early 90s au!!

bo is there on a sports scholarship (likely american football or maybe rugby) and also part of one of the frats on campus!!

so he’s not trying as hard as he could be on the academics side

THIS ISNT BC HES NOT SMART

i know a lot of ppl don’t see bo as smart BUT HE IS

he’s just focusing on other things and using his smarts to plan the best parties that campus has ever seen

so as a result of his scholarship, he has to keep his grades up

unfortunately, he’s slipping in a couple of his classes and gets told he needs to find a tutor and that’s where i come in!!

i work at the academic success center (i actually did do this in college!) and so he’s one of the students that i get assigned to work w

our tutoring sessions consist of a lot of him semi flirting but also blushing?

he’s embarrassed bc he’s here to get help even tho he could have done the work he’s just kinda lazy and gets distracted when there’s a million other things on his plate

like practice and workouts and training and the ton of frat events he attends

so the flirting is a lot of “you look different today, did you get a haircut or something?” “actually i slept like 3 hours thanks for noticing” and then awkward silences

bc im over here thinking ‘WHAT THE FUCK THIS GUY IS SO HOT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FOCUS ON SPANISH LITERATURE WHEN HE LOOKS LIKE THAT AHHHH’

at least at first?? but then he does all this cute stuff during tutoring sessions like chewing on the end of his pencil or doodling little notes in the margins of his books, or using cute photos of his family back home as a bookmark

and then it goes from just appreciating him as eye candy to ‘well shit i kinda wanna love him forever’

we go on with tutoring for a while, but eventually bo’s grades pick up and he doesn’t need the appointments anymore

both of us are a little too shy and awkward to say anything on the last session so we both go home at the end just kicking ourselves for not asking for a phone number or to meet up or anything

we don’t see each other for a while

or at least bo doesn’t see me for a while

i go to all of his home games and cheer him on but he doesn’t know bc i like to sit at the top and leave before the crowd heads out

but he’s always searching the crowd at games, trying to see if i’m there, and feeling a pit in his stomach whenever he sweeps the crowd and doesn’t immediately see me

one night some months later, after the season has ended, i’m waking back to my dorm through greek row bc i’m a slut for architecture and none other than bo is walking out of one of the large building wearing a toga, a crown of poorly painted gold leaves around his head, his face flushed, and a huge grin on his face

i stop in my tracks momentarily at the sight, wondering if i’ve actually passed out in the library and am dreaming

but then bo’s voice calling my name is ringing through the sounds of the party drifting through the open doorway behind him and he’s bounding over, the grin on his face growing

as he gets closer, i see the flush in his face and the slight stumble in his step and brace myself for impact as he crashes into me for a hug, his arms wrapping around my waist and lifting me up

“uh bo???” i’m blushing and trying to free myself from his grip ok i’m not trying that hard WHO WOULDNT WANNA BE IN HIS ARMS

but he’s just grinning and laughing before setting me down and grabbing my hand, pulling me into the brightly lit doorway and up the stairs of the house

“i’ve been kicking myself for not asking you out ages ago so let’s go out now!! we could get burgers or just walk around the city or get ice cream or go skinny dipping or —“ he cuts himself off, looking back at me with wide eyes as his smile drops for a moment while he lets go of my hand

“oh my god i mean if you want to of course i’m so sorry this probably seems so creepy and pushy —“ he babbles on, his facial expression now one of panic instead of excitement

i just laugh, still kind of thinking that i’m dreaming, and reassure him with a squeeze of his hand and a small smile, “bo no that all sounds amazing, i’d love to. i was hoping we’d run into each other too”

at this, his grin returns to his face as he continues bounding up the stairs and down a hall, before pulling me into a bedroom

“aren’t we moving kinda fast?” i tease him as i look around the incredibly chaotic room

bo turns around with a shocked look on his face before it melts into a grin and a hearty laugh as he sees the teasing look on my face

“i’m just getting changed! can’t go out on the town in a toga,” he calls over his shoulder as he walks to the closer. “don’t look,” he turns around and waffles his eyebrows at me with a grin, before pulling out a shirt and some jeans

as he gets changed, i turn around and look around the the room, not failing to notice the sticky notes littering his desk, little messages and reminders that i’d written for him during our tutoring sessions

i feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around to see bo, eyes excited and face still slightly flushed, but now fully dressed

he sees me eyeing the sticky notes on his desk and blushes even more, a hand going to rub at his neck before he’s laughing and grabbing one, looking at it affectionately before sticking it back down

“they help me stay focused, you know? remind me that i should be working hard. you really helped me a lot”

before i can respond, he’s grabbing my hand and pulling me down the stairs, out the door, and into the fresh night air

we walk around the city, getting to know each other better over burgers before getting ice cream and MAYBE SKINNY DIPPING IDK 👀

at the end of the night, we head back to my dorm, deciding to watch a movie and since “it’s close enough, and we might as well stay up to watch the sunrise”

we end up putting on a movie, something fun and light like hercules, and cuddle up on the couch, falling asleep just before the sun rises

+++

THE WAY I COULD HAVE KEPT WRITING I-- IM SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG AHHH

tysm for requesting this bb!! i rly didn’t think i’d be able to write much bc i don’t rly “get” decades aus? i think it’s bc there aren’t many POC in media from the 80s and 90s and so it’s hard to picture for me! but N E WAYS, this was my best attempt!! it was a lot of fun to write once i got into the mindset!! and thank yall for reading if you got this far?? I LOVE YOU

🌻 bokay taglist (also my faves): @deadontheinsidebut @stcrryskies @sstardusty @zoni @kuronekomama @anianimol @the-kool-aid-man-is-real @nekoma-hoe @sugacookiies @churochuu @shoyosun @achoohq @miel-meraki @dearest-kiyoomi and i’m tagging @strawberriimilkshake @yamagucciii bc i think y’all might like to see this as well?

#✨bokay thursday✨#bokay 🌻#bokuto🌻 kayla #bokay aus!!#i love one (1) man #and its bokuto koutarou

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frogb · 3 years

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HI UH... i was tagged by @faceless-dude and @dannydouni AND LIKE GIRL.... y’all are way too sweet🥺🥺🥺 thank u so much..,,,...,

the rules: tag five or more people that you are thankful for in your 2020, that you’re thankful exists in a world that’s hard to live in. whether that be through random reblogs on your posts, or people you have had full blown conversations with. whether it’s just seeing them on your dash, or interacting with them.

@dannydouni is first ofc :] YOURE THE SWEETEST!!! you’re always so kind and caring and you go out of your way to make people feel loved and cared for,,,, and you’re just generally amazing!!! you need to be kinder to yourself because even if you don’t see it you’re one of the most wonderful people out there. i’m super lucky to be friends with u and i hope we can see each other again soon <3 ilysm!!!

@adhdyuuji hiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!! i’m really really glad i got tumblr bcuz it gave me the chance to meet u and become friends with you!! you’re so sweet and kind and funny and a lot of fun to talk to!! i’m really glad we’re friends :)) and i wanna talk with u more but sometimes it’s hard cuz of my anxiety 😢 so i’m sorry!! but i’ll try my best to talk more!!! ilyyyy

@catboyyouko HI <3 u r epic. i love u :)) youre always so much fun to talk to and i love getting messages from u they make me happy!!! i’m rly glad that we’re friends and that we started talking n stuff,, thank u!!! i always love seeing your art it looks so professional!!!! i hope one day i’ll be as good at drawing as you kshdkdshs nyways ilysm!!!

@starrynarwhale hello :]!!!! you’re very sweet and wholesome and i rly like talking with u <3 sorry i keep forgetting to download idv btw 😢 we’ll see if i remember today lmao, anyways!! you’re rly cool!!!! and fun to talk to!! and i’m really happy that we’re friends :) i wanna talk to u more but. anxiety </3 so we’ll see if i can get over it and talk to u more lmaoo (ALSO. i’m gonna try n make something for frog gon friday this week so😼) and lastly, ilyyyy!!

@quellfy HIIIIIII you’re unbelievably sweet and kind!!!!! thank u so much for being my friend and just being amazing in general <3 you’re very good at helping people and making them feel better and i admire u for that :)) ALSO ur art is so cute... omg...and finally i’m really happy that we’re friends!!! i love talking to u ilysm 💞

@faceless-dude hiii your art is fucking fantastic!! the amount of details u put in each of your drawings is just <3 yeah. also you’re rly fun to talk to!!! even tho we don’t talk that often i enjoy each of our little convos :) thank u for taking the time to talk to me!! i hope u get that job u wanted <3 gl!!! ily

@kur-upira HI!! ur very sweet n talking to u is lots of fun!! :] i’m glad we got to be friends, ALSO UR ART... IS SO GOOD😢😢 i love ur art so much it’s so nice to look at!!!! idk how you’re that good with watercolour but i can only hope to be that talented one day </3 and i think i’ve missed a few of ur drawings so get ready for a like/rb spam 😼 ilysm!!!

@honoraryredditdudebro helloooooo ily!!!! you’re rly funny and i wanna talk to u more but. anxiety😒 so uhhhhhh yeah,, sorry lmao,, but yeah ur rly nice!!!! i like talking to u it’s fun :]

@sakura-kitten HII!! we haven’t talked much but you’re so sweet 🥺🥺🥺 and nice,, i love seeing ur doodles they r so so cute <3 if u ever wanna talk pls just dm me!!! i’d love to talk more :]

i know i tagged more than 5 people shut up. i can do what i want🙄 ANYWAYS I LOVE EACH OF U SM <3 if i forgot anyone i promise it’s not because i hate u it’s because i’m very tired i just woke up😔

#DONE... i think i got tagged in another ask game but i have no clue what i’m supposed to do </3 #tag game** not ask game wtf😭 see what i mean i’m so tired rn </3 girl #long post

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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The opposite of your last post for the ask meme! Like 1, 5, 9..

thank you lol sorry it took me a minute to get to posting these answers......i also skipped a couple that got asked previously via answering all primes lol

1: What inspires you?

hm well just basic stuff like “being in a good mood” lol or “being hyped up by friends” or “having reason to be particularly excited about something” which is all like, factors that Contribute Energy......learning about stuff / trying something and discovering like oh i’m Into this thing, or that for whatever reason something turns out to be more within reach / doable than i might’ve thought, like, hey i wanna get on this maybe.......~creatively~ it’s great to like, see other ppl’s art, and while i’ve sure been Inspired by professional artists, overall i’m more like, influenced and motivated by seeing the styles / specific works of Online Randos like me.......i also Draw to create [self-indulgent (usually fairly) niche fanart which is also probably gay and is all the time of characters i like] so like, the Stuff I Wanna Make Fanart Of (which has Whatever characters i specifically would like to draw lol) is sure directly Inspiring in that way. i’d say i never had that experience of like, ppl being kids and seeing some [distributed work in a certain art medium] like oh i want to make my own [distributed work in a certain art medium] as in like, i wanna publish a book, i wanna make movies, etc, but i guess i Did b/c i was like elementary school age in the early-to-mid 00s and experienced some instances of online fanart like :o :o wow damn ppl can do that?? just be a rando drawing fanart and sharing it w/ other people online???? and today i am living that dream, so good for me lol. and also i’d like to shoutout marge simpson anime, which is a particular piece of Online Art (technically fanart even lol) which was like, unusually Motivating as a single work of art lol, i made a notes app fanart like immediately and then a way more “painterly” piece of fanart that was v directly inspired by it lol.......and i was sure Drawing It Up last last winter when bmc 3.0 was impending / happening, b/c i got into like Just in the dec before, so that was Fresh, and then bam the Content is happening concurrently and as soon as we even just learned that jeremy has glasses i immediately spent like honestly 25 consecutive hours making fanart for that exact Inspiration. we didn’t even know abt the hello kitty shoes yet!!! and naturally im not out here for stats or clout but it is Inspiring when ppl enjoy the stuff i make and let me know one way or another. [tag comments that express enthusiasm in any way.....Appreciated]

9: Do you trust people easily, or do people have to earn your trust?

i have to say i am wary! that’s in part just like, a default anxiety defensive mode lol. but it takes me a hot minute (aka weeks....or months.....) to realize when someone like, would like to be friends or something, so while i can be Friendly and Outgoing w/ people like, immediately, i’m not picking up relationships left and right that are close enough that i’d particularly talk about “trust” or whatever. i’m not necessarily Distrustful either lol, it’s more just like, again re: the constant wariness thing. it is not unlike a cat lmao i vibe with them lol i Get that [approach]....and there’s been times i’ve been like “hmm i sure do Not vibe with this person ever and am not comfortable around them / interacting with them to any extent beyond occasional casual interactions that i don’t super enjoy. that’s me being overly anxious and failing to be personable i guess!!” and then that person Does give that reason down the line like oh, actually, that eternal uneasiness was warranted :/ damb

21: How does someone become friends with you?

yknow i was like “didn’t i Also answer this one previously” but it turned out the question i was thinking of, which i Had answered, was “how does someone become important to you” lmao.....same diff

tbh it’s kind of an arduous process lmao like. first of all i am Bad about initiating shit, and a lot of times will like, be wary of Directly Interacting with people for a while b/c i am also Bad At not being too passive / unwilling to assert anything so like, if someone’s regularly interacting with me but i’m not into it / Eventually Realize i’m not into it, it’s that thing again where my main strat is [v gradually sidle away] lol and just find it difficult to extricate myself from interactions / relationships and so that plays into me really feeling like i have to have some real confidence that i’d get on with / vibe with someone Before i start significantly interacting with / getting involved with them which....is also difficult natch lol like. can’t rly get a great feel for what someone’s like w/o talking to them.......but then if i Distance myself at all at any point will that be taken as rejection or whatever.......and then anyways say i Am talking to someone, then it’s like, also i’m just not fantastic at casual conversation always and that stage where you don’t know someone too well and talking is mostly a Polite Ritual and it’s like oh god don’t mess up, respond Normally lmaoo......i am nervous. and i also have a tendency to just naturally try to make an interaction go smoothly than immediately prioritize / feel comfortable busting out My Personality lmao.....so then even if ppl are responding well enough it’s like ah jeez i know we’re all performing always but have i shown them What I’m Actually Like to any significant degree, am i just masking it up / mirroring the crap out of how they talk?? and also it then takes me quite a while to put together “if someone keeps talking to you / choosing to interact with you for like, weeks, it probably means they want to / are interested in doing so” lol.........and then i’ll take ages more of trying to consciously Be More Myself without *also* feeling like this is too much of an act lol, and gradually picking up like oh they’re still not like, annoyed or disinterested or something..............what i am trying to say is it sure takes a minute lol

also when i Am attempting sometimes to like [initiate interaction] with people my version of being Active is still not all that active lmao i will be like [occasional Like] or [even more occasional reply] or [tag comments or no comments coz it’s twitter and im rt-ing stuff] and it’s like oh wow if we’re not having more regular interaction i suppose i’ve failed or something?? does this mean anything further lol, did i do anything.....but welp gotta have that perspective that Not Necessarily lol and i’m not the only person in the world who might not make friends or even friendly acquaintances easily / at the drop of a hat and u can’t necessarily read way into shit that hasn’t Actually been communicated to you.......naturally though it is easier to have some ~perspective~ and Serenity about all this sort of thing when you do already have some Friends lmao........been feeling (and consciously nudging myself towards feeling) More Chill about say like, friendly acquaintances i have who aren’t raring to interact with me on the reg.......ppl i’ll go months or half a year or more between having a convo with and then we’ll be like trading dm’s for a couple days and then it’s back to not really talking, and that Is What It Is, not necessarily a tragedy, and really it feels “rude” to acknowledge to myself like oh i’m not sure that me and whomever even Vibe well enough that *i’d* be raring to talk all the time either, but hey, it’s also true, i don’t have to be Validated by ppl who know me having me in their friend circles in any significant way......i be out here on the peripheral / outer orbits and i can appreciate that for what it is, even if, again, easier to be more Cool with that when i’m not Only in ppl’s periphery...........i appreciate the pal i have who like, 99% of how we Communicate is occasionally sending each other pics of our cats, not very intimate but also back when i was offline for months on end they eventually went out of their way to find someone to get in touch with to verify i hadn’t like died or anything lol........i appreciate the Gestures of Caring that ppl have and do extend, even if we do not actually talk regularly.

and like also i’m bad at like. idk the main way i talk is again, At Some Length and often about real specific shit lol so im like woop aware that many ppl are not into that, or they might be down for having an exchange like that for a day and then they’re done.........not at all like wholly Against more lol Conversational conversations but i gotta say that’s more of a struggle lmao..........so let’s say befriending me takes some Patience. i kinda operate on [cat] rules. jellicle

25: How do you stop yourself from going back to toxic people?

i absolutely am Refraining from launching off on a ted talk of a tangent that is also me being the [the guy about to throw down a card on the pile on the table and that card pile is like “any conversation” and the guy is labeled “me” and the One Card about to be played is labeled “it’s capitalism” or smthing like that and also it’s all in spanish].jpg.......

anyways idk just try to keep things in perspective, right......i generally am pretty Passive about gradually sidling away from relationships that are bad and so by the time i Have exited them it’s pretty overdue lmao and i get to be quite confident that it was The Right Thing........and just when looking back on stuff it’s like, well if you remember the Good or “Not That Bad(tm)” parts maybe consciously think about the whole of it And specifically the Bad parts / the reasons for peacing out.......also the other day i was mulling over some standard [conflicted / complicated feelings about having cut certain ppl out entirely] and it also occurred to me that a lot of the [conflicted] feeling part came from sympathy for them, whereas from the perspective of Entirely My Own Feelings On The Matter minus that “how do/would they feel about it” consideration, the thought of never interacting w/ these ppl is like. fine with me lol........stuff like this is always Complicated and Individual and there’s certainly no like, one-stop simple Guide To Navigating All This Kind Of Thing, Cmon It’s Easy........another consideration i saw the other day via a graphic on twitter, which is probably most relevant re: say, controlling / abusive Partners, was how like, to think about how someone is acting if they’re saying you should Take Them Back b/c they’ve Changed their behavior, but to pay attention to if they’re trying to guilt you into it / justifying or downplaying their previous behavior / shifting blame and otherwise manifesting the inherently harmful and controlling patterns that are supposed to be gone now........anyways yeah complicated stuff and also just p.s. (and what would’ve been the jumping off point for the It’s-Capitalism tangential essay lol) ppl shouldn’t be blamed if they do choose to let someone back in their life like oh now they’re responsible for bringing their mistreatment upon themself.....no better than blaming someone for, say, having a harmful / controlling romantic partner in the first place like oh well they should’ve known better than to have gotten involved with this person..........ppl are in control of their own abusive behavior and shouldn’t be considered Forces Of Nature no matter how intransigent they are

33: Do you have someone you know you can always rely on?

tbt question 9 lol there’s defo some people that i do trust! love it....

45: Do you consider yourself creative?

another #tbt to question 1 lol.......i mean Yes i am creative in ways but like, who Isn’t, really.......think sometimes “creativity” means “do you like, do Art things” which, yes i do, but then within that there’s art that’s deemed more ~creative~ or w/e......not to mention that i don’t think something has to be definitively labeled an Art to be creative. like, for example, Science and Art aren’t opposites / the antithesis of each other, and anytime defines ~science~ as like, people just memorizing and outputting Facts and Numbers and considers this a distinction from Being An Artist.....wild and i Will fight you lmao. i tell you i can v much remember times i have had to completely disengage to keep from losing my cool at people arguing about “why i respect science but could only be an artist :’|” or “why Art is actually harder than Science and also we’re the underdogs b/c society values science so much more :’|” like.....mf...........anyways scientific pursuits may certainly have a different Methodology (see: scientific method) than art but lbr it still requires creativity and science and art are friends you fucking fools................and then also just zooming in on the Art-Making business here, i also like, have never had any interest in coming up with Original stories / characters and the like, and i don’t enjoy trying and it just really is not my thing, and it’s Funny or something when people wanna say that creative fanworks have value b/c they let ppl cut their teeth for what really matters, inevitably making their own original content(tm)......that isn’t inevitable for me lol and certainly is nothing i aim to do ever, and when there’s the suggestion that if you’re Good enough at ur medium you gotta manifest some of that original the character do not steal shit.........anyways i’m not pressed to claim i am an Artist(tm) or Creative(tm) lol like i guess technically i am both but i have no professional aspirations and my brain does not Do [generate original content] so it’s all like, i’m just out here.........s/o to this time i was trying to do my fuckin thing drawing on a tablet in a cafe and some random annoying guy is trying to talk and i happen to mention like “lol i don’t exactly call myself an artist really” and Guy goes “OH REALLY??? WHAT’S WRONG WITH ARTISTS? WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH ART” like please cool it lmao but god p sure it was a guy who was just. very Around and very annoying in general

49: Do you feel like you’re a good person?

yeah i think i’m alright but really what is the use in like considering there 2 be achievable Good or Bad Person Statuses for everyone........let’s say it’s an ongoing, active state to be in the process of consciously choosing to be Good and working towards Better. especially considering that We Live In A Society which tries to teach everyone and continuously imbues our existence with Bad Messages about how to perceive and engage with other people, and being A Good Person is a lifelong effort and it’s unhelpful to feel that if you’re already Good or well-intentioned enough you can just dust off your hands and be like “well my work here is done” and be unprepared to examine your beliefs/actions or deal with the might-as-well-assume-it’s-an-inevitability that even if u have some noble-ass beliefs you’ll fail to live up to them at some point/s.......so like yeah lol again i feel like i am a pretty good person but can always be better and ought to be aware of / willing to work on that at any point

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dvp95 · 5 years

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quiet on widow’s peak (3)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, youtuber phil lester, dan howell is not a youtuber, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.1k (this chapter), 9.5k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

Interviews used to be Phil's least favourite part of this job. The research was always captivating, the filming was always fun, the editing was always challenging, but talking? To people? About things? Absolutely not.

He still doesn't love doing it, but he's long past the point of begging Martyn or Ian to pretend to be him on the phone.

The curtains in Phil's room are open for once, letting natural light in so he doesn't look as dark on the Skype screen. His eyes keep drifting to himself, distracting him as he tries to fix his hair or laments not getting out of his pyjamas. This is his fourth interview of the day, and he's starting to hate the process with a renewed fervour.

"Okay, thank you," he says, clicking out of the screen record window. "Can I message you here if I have any further questions, or would you prefer this to be your final statement?"

"Oh, um," the girl says, her eyes round with some kind of emotion that Phil can't be bothered to parse. "No, no, that's... that's all I saw. I don't have anything else. But you can still... message me, if you like."

Ah. Phil makes a face that he hopes reads as apologetic and not panicked. "No, I - sorry. Gay. Just interested in your ghost."

"Oh!" she says again, looking more puzzled than Phil thinks she has any right to after a forty minute conversation where he mostly just asked her clarifying questions that she kept dodging. She tucks some of her long hair behind her ear and shakes her head. "Sorry, that's just - you haven't said that online."

Phil isn't very good at knowing when people are lying to him, but now he's definitely suspicious of the half-assed testimony he'd gotten from this girl. He sighs. "Okay, you know who I am, then?"

"I mean, I looked you up when you messaged me about a video and all," she says. "Wanted to know if you were a creep or, like, legit."

Okay, that's fair enough. Phil supposes that if he were a girl in uni and a stranger asked to video chat, he'd also do a little digging first. He still doesn't quite believe her story, though - most of it matches what she'd written on Facebook, word for word, and she didn't go into detail on anything she claimed happened.

"Right, of course," says Phil, feeling awkward and exposed.

Her eyes are wide and blue and she can see into his room, into his life, and she's giving him this look like she thinks she knows something about him. He hates this feeling.

"That a secret, then?" she asks.

"No," Phil says. "It's just not relevant to my job. I don't have a lot of ghouls asking me out."

She doesn't laugh. Phil is getting more and more uncomfortable by the second, and he's wondering if it's worth it to hang up on a potential lead - no matter how dubious her claims - when she says, "Well, alright. I won't tell anyone anyway."

"Thanks," Phil says automatically. He doesn't particularly care if she does or not, but he does want this call to end as soon as possible. "And thanks for your time. Message me if you think of anything else you forgot to mention about the Wilkins place or if you know of someone who's seen something."

Before she can even respond, Phil hits end on the call and groans, resting his forehead on his thumbs for a moment.

Unsurprisingly, this is giving him a migraine. It doesn't take much to make the twinge of a headache turn to insistent throbbing, because Phil's body hates him and overreacts to everything.

Phil takes a couple of deep breaths before he comes out of hiding. He attaches the final screen recording to the email he's already got open and ready to send to Martyn. After a moment's thought, he CCs PJ and Sophie in and adds, Nobody sounds credible except the second person to me, so... it's not looking good lol, before hitting send.

He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes for a moment. Interviews are still draining for him, especially when they don't go as planned, and Phil's starting to get the impression that there's nothing to even find at the Wilkins place.

But. Phil pauses, considers his options. He hasn't interviewed everyone, has he.

Before he can talk himself out of it, Phil shoves his glasses unceremoniously back onto his face and opens Tumblr. Winnie hasn't said anything to him so far today, so Phil feels only a little like he's bothering them when he shoots off a quick, Hey! I just finished interviewing the sources you gave me and most of them aren't very promising. Would you consider letting me ask you some questions to round out the video?

me?????, Winnie replies almost immediately. i didnt even see anything?? like im happy to answer questions but idk how much use ill b in an INTERVIEW

I know! And you don't have to lmao so don't feel pressured or anything but you know so much more about the place than they do. Everyone claimed that they didn't know other people were having paranormal experiences.

oh bullshit, Winnie says. Phil is surprised into a huff of laughter.

There's a part of Phil, fuelled by anxiety and uncertainty, that worries Winnie is just pulling an elaborate joke on him. That part of him feels a little more at ease every time he actually talks to Winnie. They just seem... genuine. And maybe Martyn would disagree, would blame Phil's desperation to see the best in people, but there's a reason Phil doesn't tell Martyn everything.

Before Phil can agree with Winnie's colourful derision, his laptop beeps again. i look like an ogre rn but i can voice chat if you rly think itll help

It would!!, Phil assures them. The tender spot behind his eyes twinges again, serving as a reminder. Can I call in like an hour? I've got a headache from the screen lol

sure i really have nothing else going on today

So it's later in the day, late afternoon light still streaking through Phil's window, when Phil sits back down at his computer and adds the Skype username Winnie gave him. His head still hurts a bit, but it isn't all-consuming now that he's had another coffee and some painkillers. The padded headphones feel good to put over his ears, blocking out most of the typical noises from such a full house and a busy street, and Phil just sits in the blissful quiet for a moment before he sends a voice call request.

It gets picked up almost immediately, and Phil presses a smile into his palm before he says, "Hi! Can you hear me alright?"

There's a beat. Phil waits, in case Skype is lagging as usual, but he's opening his mouth to repeat himself by the time he gets a response.

"Yeah," says Winnie. "I can hear you."

Phil isn't really proud of himself for being surprised by Winnie's voice. It's just. He knows his viewer demographics, okay, and he has a rough grasp on Tumblr demographics, and the name - alright. It isn't his proudest moment, is his point, because he's expecting a much higher pitch for absolutely no good reason.

In addition to that, his brain automatically tries to classify Winnie's voice as very obviously masculine, and Phil has to push back against that.

"I can hear you, too," Phil says cheerfully, not allowing his anxieties to spill over into the conversation.

"That's good, probably," Winnie says. There's another beat of silence, and then a huff that might be laughter or a sigh comes through Phil's headphones. "Sorry, I - I'm not trying to be fucking weird, this is just surreal."

"Is it?" Phil hums. "But I haven't even asked you about ghosts yet."

A snort - definitely laughter, this time - follows, and Phil is so glad that he's able to put Winnie at ease even if his brain is betraying him. "That's true. I guess it's gotta get weirder from here."

"That's kind of, like, the subtitle of my whole channel," says Phil. After a moment, he frowns. "Subtitle? No. What's the thing, on the poster -"

"Tagline," says Winnie. They sound so amused and warm and, okay, they've got a nice voice. That's not gendered. Phil can think that. "You're thinking of a tagline, you buffoon."

"Tagline," Phil echoes gratefully.

"Don't you," Winnie starts, then stops abruptly. They don't finish the sentence, but Phil can kind of guess what they were going to say. There's the sound of some rustling, like Winnie is getting comfortable, before they change tacks. "Again, I didn't see any of this alleged ghostly activity with my own eyes, but I know the hot goss."

Phil opens the recording program out of habit, nodding even though Winnie can't see him. "That's still really useful at this point," he says encouragingly. He clicks a couple of buttons. "And, yes, I do have an English degree. Thank you for not asking."

Winnie laughs, the sound of it filling Phil's headphones and making it feel like they're in the room with him. It's warm, like everything else about their voice, and absolutely contagious.

"I didn't want you to think I was, like, a big stalker," Winnie says, and Phil can hear the grin in their voice.

"Eh, I know you watch my videos," says Phil. "So I figure you know some stuff about me. You probably know that I'm going to ask this, too, but - is it okay if I record our conversation? I don't need to include it in the video if you don't want me to, but it's still useful for me if I don't so I can, like, actually remember the things you told me."

"Yeah, sure," Winnie agrees easily. They hesitate, for a moment, and Phil waits for whatever the caveat will be. "Uh, can I still swear?"

The question surprises Phil into laughing. "Yeah, you're fine. I can bleep them out."

"Then I am all for it. Ask me the ghost questions, ghost man."

Phil presses record and glances down at his notebook, where he's scrawled some disjointed questions alongside his usual doodling. "Uh, okay. Yes. I am totally a professional."

"If you say so, mate," says Winnie.

"Hush. Okay." Phil finally gets his brain back on track and taps his pen against a question near the end of his list. "So, Winnie, you did all this research into the Wilkins place on your own downtime, but you mentioned that you've been hearing murmurs about it for a while, right?"

"Not that long, actually, I've only been hearing about it since term started," Winnie says, and Phil is struck by how comfortable they suddenly are now that there's a guideline. Or, maybe, now that there's a non-Phil audience. "Which I thought was pretty weird, since I'd been there a couple times since I moved here, and it's a spooky fucking place but nothing to write home about."

That's more or less exactly how Phil feels about the situation, except that he doesn't remember the Wilkins place to be scary at all. Maybe it's gotten worse in the years since, or maybe he's just got a higher threshold for empty, decrepit homes than Winnie does. Either way, he's not sure if he should be relieved or suspicious that their thoughts on it mirror his own so well. He starts a spiral in the corner of his page as he considers the answer.

"So, you never got the impression that it was haunted before?"

"I - can I be perfectly honest?" Winnie asks, and then doesn't wait for a response. "I don't get the impression that it's haunted now. I dunno if people are just making shit up or if they're doing too many drugs, but we all know that ghosts don't actually exist."

Phil snorts. He does have a fairly large number of skeptics who watch his videos to argue in the comments about logical explanations for his findings or to just enjoy watching him fail so much, but he hadn't really expected that from someone who sent him a sourced essay on the topic of ghosts.

He's recording right now, so he's not about to give away the fact that, yeah, he kind of does agree with Winnie on this one. Instead, he keeps his tone neutral and says, "You don't believe in ghosts."

"I don't believe in most things that can't be explained by science," Winnie says, so matter-of-fact that Phil has to smile.

"I don't really believe in science," Phil says, mild.

A beat. "Excuse me?"

"I said I don't believe in science," Phil repeats, doubling down on the joke so he can hear that incredulous pitch of Winnie's nice voice again. "I mean, isn't it all just as made-up as anything else? People just tell us stuff exists and we have to believe them?"

"We believe them," Winnie says slowly, "because it's a fact."

"How do I know that?" Phil asks. He knows how off track he's already gotten, and he decides to cut this part out before he sends the file to Martyn or his friends.

"Because you can. See it. With your eyes." The genuine bewilderment in Winnie's voice is very funny. "Like. What the fuck, Phil. If someone drops an apple and it hits the ground and they're like, 'oh that's gravity', how are you supposed to say, 'uh, no it ain't'?"

Phil leans back in his chair a bit, his spiral turning into an apple. "Because, what if that's just what the apple wanted to do? It's not like we know any of this for sure, Winnie."

"You're fucking with me," Winnie says, but they don't sound very certain.

"I am," Phil admits happily. "Do you remember the first incident that kicked off the Wilkins place rumours?"

"You," Winnie says, and then cackles. They lean away from their mic as they do, but the sound of it still makes Phil feel some secondhand giddiness. He wonders if their laugh has a volume limit, or if it's just going to keep getting louder the funnier Phil is. He is so tempted to put that to the test. "Fuck. You little fucker."

Phil hides his own giggle in the palm of his hand and clears his throat, trying to get back into the professional mindset he'd forced himself to be in for the four earlier interviews.

"Do you need me to repeat the question?" Phil asks. He can't resist teasing, just a bit.

"No, fuck off," Winnie chuckles. They take a deep breath and let it out on a hum, low and thoughtful. "So, there was this shindig during fresher's, which I obviously didn't go to because I'm not a fresher and I'm too old to go to shindigs, but people were talking about how the house was making weird noises. A girl I know - I linked you to her Reddit post - said she saw someone just standing outside the window watching them, but, like, is that really a supernatural occurrence in Rusholme?"

"It's not. And she hit on me as well, so I'm not sure her judgement is trustworthy."

"Sounds like her. Sorry. Anyway, nobody really thought 'ghosts' as much as they thought 'rats in the walls and a pervert on the street', but then - this one didn't get spoken about online. I don't even know how valid it is."

"Word of mouth is how most ghost stories get passed," says Phil. "I'm not going to hold you to citations on rumours."

Winnie huffs a laugh. It's soft, quiet, and Phil almost wishes he could say something ridiculous to make them cackle again. Unfortunately, he has a job to do.

"Fair enough. Well, some idiots spent the night there to see if anything weird would happen," Winnie says, and Phil feels a bit attacked, "and three separate dudes had sleep paralysis."

Phil hums and jots some messy notes down. "In the same night?"

"At the same time," Winnie corrects him. "The other idiots were trying to wake them up for a long time, apparently. They're convinced that the guys who fell asleep were just pulling a prank on them, and maybe they were, but that's when the ball really got rolling."

Out of everything Phil has heard today, this is the most compelling story so far. Maybe that's a good indicator of the Manchester students being full of it - maybe there truly is nothing to find in the Wilkins place - but it piques Phil's interest anyway.

"For someone who only believes in cold, hard science, you're good at telling ghost stories," Phil says.

"Thanks," Winnie says, sounding pleased with themselves. "Learned from the best."

Phil is suddenly very, very glad that this isn't a video call, because he can't stop himself from smiling like an idiot. "Oh, is that what they're calling me?"

Another cackle. Phil doesn't remember the last time he made someone laugh so much without tripping over his own clown feet.

"I never said I was talking about you."

"Uh huh."

"Oh, shut up," says Winnie, and Phil can still hear the laughter in their voice. "Don't you have a bunch of questions to ask or something?"

Phil does. He has a whole list of questions that he should be following. He chews on his pen and looks at the doodle-covered list of things he's meant to ask Winnie. His head still hurts - maybe the extra caffeine didn't help after all - and all he really wants to do is take a nap.

"Yeah," Phil says, reluctant. "I've just got, like, a migraine. Can I call you back another time? This was a really great start."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Winnie. They've dropped their voice down to something soft, like they're worried that they'll make Phil's headache worse.

"I'm actually going up to check the place out this weekend." Phil isn't sure what makes him say that. He meets up with sources in person, sometimes, but usually only if they've seen something with their own eyes. He just feels comfortable talking to Winnie, far more than he'd felt talking to the other students he'd interviewed today.

Phil doesn't actually extend the invitation, and Winnie either doesn't pick up the hint or doesn't care to.

"That'll be good," they say, still soft. "Get some rest, Phil, you can call me back when your brain stops trying to drill a hole through your temple."

After Phil says goodbye and hangs up, he sits at his desk for a long moment. It feels too quiet, all of a sudden, his padded headphones blocking out all the ambient noise around him. It's good for his head, but Phil is still weirdly disappointed.

#phan #phanfiction #phanfic #dnp fic #words words words #quiet on widow's peak

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