#It’s like ingrained in my everyday routine so I just can’t stop because my mind won’t let me

[cryptid-on-a-string]

Welcome back to another round of “am I feeling terrible about myself because I’m a terrible person or because I stayed up too late again and my brain is spiraling”

#vent #Idk how to put into words what’s going on but I’m awful and I feel awful #I hate my body i I hate it so much #No matter how hard I try I can’t convince myself to stop impulsively eating food #It’s like ingrained in my everyday routine so I just can’t stop because my mind won’t let me #I mentally associate too many things with food it’s impossible to stop and I hate it I hate it so much #I never want to eat anything ever again I want to be skinny enough to be carried off by the slightest breeze #I wanna be a fucking twig I wanna be skinny

[rocorambles]

Set My Heart Ablaze

Pairing: Matsukawa x Reader

Genre/Warnings: NSFW, Non-Con/Dub-Con, Creepy Matsukawa, Obsessive Behavior, Public Train Sex

Prompt: Chikan/Trains/Public Sex

Summary: Neither of you can deny the mutual spark of interest between the two of you, but Matsukawa takes the matter of turning that spark into a fire into his own hands. Only time will tell if that fire will provide you warmth and comfort or burn you alive.

A/N: This is my submission for the HQHQ NSFW Collab! Masterlist can be found here. Be sure to check everyone’s content once the masterlist goes live tomorrow night~

The train doors open and Matsukawa briefly glances up, smiling to himself as you step onboard, looking left and right for an open spot despite how you always end up in the same corner of the moving vehicle. He doesn’t know anything about you, not even your name. Yet he finds himself drawn to the normalcy you bring, the comfort of knowing you’re a clockwork fixture of his everyday life.

It hadn’t always been like this.

Matsukawa is just a man at the end of the day and he doesn’t deny that he took note of you long before you became so ingrained in his life. But it had been no more than a man observing an attractive woman and he doesn’t give you another passing thought as he returns to gazing out the train windows.

But working with death on a daily basis makes you look at life differently.

He prides himself on being a practical and level-headed man and despite the heavy nature of his profession, he never thought he’d get too bogged down by the environment, by the grimness of his business. Sure, maybe someone like Oikawa would freak out within hours, if not minutes, of being in a funeral home surrounded by corpses and coffins. But he’s not Oikawa (thank God for that). It’s just a job to help keep a roof over his head and food on the table.

But the longer he’s surrounded by caskets, the more grieving and sobbing families and friends he has to comfort yet professionally guide through catalogs and brochures and price tags, he can slowly but surely feel the weight of his daily work resting heavy on his shoulders, digging deeper into him with every corpse and tragic story he reluctantly becomes privy to. Matsukawa finds a new appreciation for life, for every tiny and minute detail, and suddenly you aren’t just another stranger who happens to share his train route.

You’re a reminder that he’s still alive, that despite the curveballs life throws at some, he’s still blessed to enjoy the routine and monotony of it. Life looks different, clearer, as he begins to really pay attention, appreciating every moment he has.

Maybe he’s paying too much attention. He doesn’t know when he begins to focus so intently on you, shocking himself with the realization that he’s observed you so closely when he nonchalantly notices that you’re using a different tote bag than your usual one. When did Matsukawa Issei become someone who notices the details of a woman’s outfit and accessories?

He knows it’s not right, knows even Hanamaki would crinkle his nose in distaste if he found out Matsukawa was creepily studying a random unknown female on a daily basis. But he can’t help himself, his realization only seeming to make him unconsciously focus on you even more. He notices what hand you use to hold your phone. He memorizes every expression you make as your mind drifts off, lulled by the machinery of the train.

But looking from afar only satisfies him for so long and he finds himself creeping closer to you, adjusting where he sits to be closer to your preferred corner of the train. He always tells himself just a little closer, but it’s never enough. And although he’s now standing right beside you, close enough to see every eyelash, every pore of your skin, it’s still not enough. He needs to hear your voice, feel your body against his, know everything about you inside and out.

He understands the irony of the situation he’s found himself in, reminiscing on how Hanamaki and him had gagged at how disgusting men could be as they watched older businessmen grope and grab at poor unwilling female passengers on their way to and from school. He knows how wrong it is, how like an uninspired porno this is, but when the train conveniently rattles, he jostles his body into yours, “accidentally” bumping into you.

Acting isn’t Matsukawa’s forte, but he thinks he damn well deserves an award for the performance he’s putting on as he profusely apologizes to you, hiding the groan of satisfaction he feels from the brief contact he’d had with you, from the way your attention is solely focused on him, from the way your voice seeps into his ears like the loveliest melody he’s ever heard. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying, meaningless small and polite talk leaving his lips as his mind focuses on what’s more important, mentally recording every syllable and movement you make as you continue conversing with him. But whatever words are spilling out of him seem to be working and something hungry and possessive stirs in him when your face lights up as you board the train the next day, making a beeline towards where he stands as you cheerfully greet him.

Maybe it’s foolish of you to so easily trust and warm up to a complete stranger. But he’s tall, attractive, and interesting, which is more than you can say for most of the men you’ve met and your friends and family are always telling you to put yourself out there more. Is there really much of a difference between finding a random stranger on the countless dating apps you’ve installed versus connecting with one in person? You’d even argue that there’s something whimsically romantic about how the two of you met, even though you don’t know for sure if this is really going to lead to anything. But at the very least, your daily commute becomes more exciting.

You’re everything and more compared to what Matsukawa had imagined and if he thought he was infatuated with you before, he’s completely and utterly obsessed with you now. You’re all he can think of, all he can see in his mind’s eye, even hours after you’ve parted ways on your morning commute, even as he lays in bed in the middle of the night. And as his hand slips underneath the hem of his boxers, wrapping around his aching cock to his imaginations of what you’d look like writhing underneath him, how you’d sound moaning his name, he knows he needs to have you.

After all, as pretty as a meal can be, it’s ultimate purpose is to be devoured.

You giggle when the train shakes and you feel a long toned body shift into yours, squishing you against the wall you’re leaning against, sighing in bliss at how right, how good it feels to be in Matsukawa’s embrace even if it is just for a fleeting moment, a little accident all too common on jam packed trains. But your face heats when you continue feeling his warmth, when his body seems to press even further into you until you can feel the expanse of his body against yours, not even an inch of space left between you.

“Matsukawa-”

Your words are caught off by a gasp as Matsukawa buries his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, lips and tongue mouthing and licking the sensitive skin there. You’re confused, scared, and aroused, hands reaching up to clutch at the lapels of Matsukawa’s suit, unsure whether to hold him tight to you or push him away. And your humiliation only increases when a nearby elderly couple scowls at the two of you in disdain, clearly unamused by the scandalous gestures of what they believe to be a young couple in love.

Yet you can’t help how your heart beats faster, wondering if this is proof of Matsukawa’s attraction to you, wondering if your hidden feelings for him are returned. But this isn’t the time or place for that conversation and you fervently whisper in his ear, begging him to stop, telling him people are watching.

“Is that the only reason you want me to stop? Because people are watching?”

You grow flustered at the implied meaning of his words, shame filling you at how much you’re enjoying this, hating how your neck arches for more attention as he straightens up once more, his body hiding yours from view as he stands in front of you, still pinning you to the wall.

“Better be as still and quiet as you can, sweetheart.”

You don’t have time to register his words before your mouth opens in a pathetic whine as a calloused hand trails under the hem of your shirt, sliding across the stretch of your stomach, mapping your torso before finally shoving your bra above the swell of your breasts, kneading one of your mounds, tweaking and swirling around your hardening nipple. It feels so good and you almost succumb right then and there, lost in the predatory lustful gaze he pins you with.

But when the train makes its next stop, the conductor’s voice jars you from your trance and you clutch at Matsukawa’s forearm, silently pleading for him to stop with desperate eyes despite the way you quietly mewl when he just quirks an eyebrow and pinches your nipple in retaliation.

“We can’t- We shouldn’t-”

Your hand trembles, jaw going slack when he slides one thigh between your legs, digging his hard muscles into that already dripping hole only protected by the fabric of your pants.

“You’re not very convincing. How about we play a game? If you can tell me you don’t want this without moaning like a bitch in heat, I’ll stop.”

There’s no room for disagreement as he abruptly begins grinding his thigh into your aching cunt, flexing and relaxing his muscle in a pattern and rhythm you can’t keep up with. It takes every last bit of will power in you to not wantonly ride his leg and hump against him like the lewd slut he had just accused you of being.

“I don’t want-”

You cry out in agonized pleasure as his fingers still hovering near your breasts begin to roll your nipples between calloused tips, his thigh never losing its momentum. And under the dual points of attack, your resistance crumbles. Matsukawa’s eyes widen in awe as you bounce and roll your hips against his leg, hiding your face in his chest as you try to muffle the lewd sounds slipping past your lips in the fabric of his jacket.

You’re gorgeous like this, a needy, lustful mess. But as much as he loves to see you suffer so beautifully, there’s only so much time before your stop and he decides to have mercy on you, to reward you for being so honest, so good for him. Your face snaps up to stare at him with pupils blown wide as his hand reaches underneath the waistband of your pants and panties. He groans when his fingers are instantly soaked in your arousal, your panties sticky with your fluids and his digits slip inside of your tight wet heat with no resistance at all.

He wants nothing more than to push the pesky fabric out of the way and lay you bare for his viewing pleasure, to have easy access to thrust in and out of you. But he’ll save that for another day. Instead his fingers slip out of you, tips circling your swollen clit, rubbing your sensitive bundle of nerves as you resume humping his leg, body trembling, drool beginning to trickle from your lips as you frantically chase your end. And as the train stops once more, passengers trickling in and out, you silently scream, body convulsing as he brings you over the edge, pleasure washing over you and leaving you exhausted as you shiver and slump in his arms that are quick to embrace you and hold you steady as the train begins to move again.

You submissively let his fingers coated in your essence enter your mouth, obediently sucking and licking him clean, finding strange comfort in the action as you remain rested against him. But you keen in confusion, cheeks still hollowed as you mindlessly continue sucking while he guides one of your hands to the bulge in his pants.

But although Matsukawa is a man of few words, his desire is clear despite the silence and your face heats in embarrassment as he unbuttons his trousers, bringing your hand to the waistband of his boxers, dark eyes expectantly staring down at you. You shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t. Not when you can literally hear the other passengers surrounding the two of you, only Matsukawa’s tall frame hiding your illicit activity. But your body has a mind of its own and you greedily slip under the fabric barrier, moaning around his fingers at how large, hot, and heavy he is in your hands.

You hate how badly you want to see it, to feel it inside you, splitting you apart. Your pussy clenches, leaking in interest once again despite having just found blissful release mere minutes ago as your hands curiously trail up and down the shaft, trying to memorize how every bit of it feels against your skin, trying to visualize what it looks like. But you whimper as Matsukawa finally pulls his fingers free from your mouth, squeezing your jaw and giving you a warning look.

“Don’t tease me, doll.”

Your fingers wrap around the length and it’s your turn to stare up at Matsukawa with eyes full of hunger and awe as you watch his Adam’s apple swallow, as you feel a pleased groan reverberate in his chest with every stroke of your hand. Up and down. Up and down. Your hands are slick with pre-cum and you know it’s just your imagination, but you swear you can hear the lewd wet sounds of his sticky essence coating his shaft with every movement of your palm against the velvety skin. You’re so mesmerized, so lost in the experience that you startle when something hot and thick spurts onto your hand, mixing with his pre-cum, making an even bigger mess of his boxers and you.

You stare stunned at the hand you pull out from between his legs, gazing at the white and transparent fluids that coat your flesh. But before you can even think about wiping it off or scavenging around for a spare napkin or paper in your bag, a large hand grabs your wrist and brings your stained fingers to your mouth. You try to resist him, the spell he had you under broken now that the haze of lust isn’t blinding you. But his grip tightens until you wince and finally relent, stomach churning in disgust and shame as you tentatively lick at the bitter liquid.

He doesn’t release you, not until every last drop is coating the inside of your mouth, his taste heavy in your mouth, seemingly in every crevice of your orifice, your hand completely clean and void of your sinful interaction.

You want to hate him. You want to wipe the smug satisfied look clean off his face. But as you readjust your disheveled clothing, you’re reminded of your own body’s betrayal, your own carnal desire and pleasure, by the uncomfortable mess in between your legs. And all you can do is silently stand there and pretend that nothing has happened as Matsukawa nonchalantly tucks himself in and checks his phone.

There’s an uncomfortable silence as you wait for him to acknowledge what has just happened, only to be disappointed as he doesn’t even spare you another glance, too observed in the glowing screen in his hand. You wonder if this was just a one time thing, if he had been stringing you along all this time for one quick public tryst. And you hate the way that thought makes your chest hurt, hate how much you dislike the idea of never seeing him again, never talking to him again, never feeling and tasting him again.

But as the train pulls into his stop, your eyes widen when his face hovers by your ear, lips grazing your lobe as his voice melts into your soul.

“Wear a dress or skirt tomorrow. No panties or bra.”

He laughs as surprise turns into an endearing scowl that barely hides the apparent relief in your eyes and he just casually waves farewell as you send him on his way with a tirade of angry words about his fucking audacity. But it’s all empty heat and he chuckles at the self-conscious embarrassment written all over your face when he sees you the next morning, a pretty dress fluttering around your knees.

There’s no preamble, no pretense of what’s about to happen and he smirks in appreciation at the unobstructed feeling of skin against skin as he slips his hand under your skirt, not an inch of fabric covering the treasure at the apex of your thighs.

#haikyuu smut #matsukawa smut #yandere matsukawa #yandere haikyuu #matsukawa x reader #haikyuu x reader #tw: yandere #tw: noncon #tw: dubcon

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

hey so i'm hoping to get some writing advice about creative burnout? like i seem to write in fits and spurts. some months i can churn out a oneshot or chapter everyday and some months i can do one (1) creative thing only. so i'm wondering how to prevent creative burnout and how to just create more smoothly <3 thank you!

Creative Burnout & How To Ward Against It

First, I’d like to preface this all by saying you’re definitely not alone. You probably already know this, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded.

I know from personal experience that creative burnout can leave you feeling hopeless, detached from yourself—the kind of identity crisis no one needs in 2020. 

So buckle in, folks. It’s a dosy.

I. The Symptoms

Not to be the local WebMD page here, but signs of burnout can include:

Procrastination (more than usual)

Dreading writing and feeling stuck or overly perfectionistic when you try

Physical tiredness and/or irritability

Feeling like everything is monotonous

It’s more than just writer’s block. It’s a physical and emotional exhaustion response to something that goes deeper than a simple lack of inspiration. In my experience, and from a bit of research, I’ve found that what your brain is really looking for is dopamine.

Dopamine is essentially your brain’s chemical reward system for doing something interesting or exciting to you. As someone who is diagnosed with ADHD, I have chronically low levels of dopamine, so this is a constant struggle for me—but it is absolutely made worse by creative burnout.

II. The Problem

Studies have shown that the more we do A Thing the less that thing will give us dopamine (unless a component of the activity changes regularly). This is because eventually our brains desensitise to the stimuli provided by the activity, and subsequently, we become disengaged.

But it’s not necessarily The Thing (i.e. writing) that becomes boring. Actually, more than a few factors could be at play here, and the first step to finding a solution is to identify the problem.

1. ENVIRONMENT LACKS EXCITEMENT/CHANGE—

Sometimes, the monotony of everyday life can feed creative burnout. This becomes especially applicable in quarantine when you’re not leaving your house.

What we don’t realise is that even something as small as the variables of driving to and from work, or interacting with passing coworkers, gives us dopamine. So if you have the same routine every day that does not involve any added variables, your brain will begin staunching that dopamine supply.

2. EITHER TOO EASY OR TOO CHALLENGING—

In 1975, Hungarian-American psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, coined the term “flow”, which refers to a heightened state of creativity and concentration on an activity. Csikszentmihalyi posited that if your skill level is equal to the level of challenge in any given activity, you will experience this state of flow.

The chart below is taken from Csikszentmihalyi’s own study on the subject of flow and motivation. It examines “your skill level” on the x axis in relation to the “challenge level” on the y axis.

Essentially:

Too much challenge + not enough skill = anxiety, worry (which might lead to procrastination and perfectionism)

Too much skill + not enough challenge = boredom, apathy (which might lead to monotony, irritability, and other depression-like symptoms)

Skill level = Challenge level = Flow

3. NOT ENOUGH “ACTIVE” STIMULATION—

When it comes to dopamine seeking, there is a distinct difference between active and passive stimulation in the brain.

Active stimulation is any form of activity that you have to actively engage in. For instance; exercising, doing a crossword puzzle, or reading a book. These kinds of activities not only give you dopamine, they also facilitate critical thinking and problem solving thought processes, which act as catalysts for creativity.

Passive stimulation, on the other hand, comes in the form of television, social media, and YouTube. It’s anything you can consume without having to actively engage. Passive stimulation will indeed give your brain dopamine, however, it won’t activate your creativity.

The problem also lies in the speed at which you receive the dopamine from passive activities. Passive stimulation is so easy to access that the more you consume, the harder it becomes to pick up active stimulation. Your brain expects a hit of dopamine just by picking up a phone or turning on the TV—it becomes addicted to the quick fix of a Netflix binge.

III. The Solutions

Based on the problems mentioned above, I am going to list a few solutions. Keeping in mind that not every solution will work for everyone, these can act as both preventative measures and remedies for someone who is currently burned out.

1. CHANGE UP YOUR ENVIRONMENT/ROUTINE—

Aim to do at least one thing per day that will add “variables” to the monotony. This can be as simple as going on a long walk, dressing up in that bold outfit you always wanted to wear to the office but never did, or sitting at a different workspace in your home.

Anything you can do that’s simple, but might provide an extra variable to your day to spice things up. Note: this shouldn’t be the same thing every day.

2. CHALLENGE YOURSELF MORE—

If you find yourself bored by your work, try challenging yourself more. This could mean setting goals for yourself that go a bit beyond what you’ve been doing. 

For example, if you’ve been writing 500 words per day, see if you can beat your own word count every day for the next week. If you’ve been writing mainly fluff pieces, switch it up and do an angst piece. See if you can write a book in a month, or start a blog where you don’t write fiction at all!

Anything you can do to add a little kick to your workload. Note: Beware of challenging yourself too much! This can lead straight back into burnout.

3. CHALLENGE YOURSELF LESS—

If you’re on the flip side of that coin, and find that you are anxious, procrastinating, and perfectionistic when it comes to writing, fret not. Just because you’re experiencing any of these things, doesn’t mean you’re incapable of doing the job with your skillset.

It just means your perception of the job needs to be shifted.

Procrastination, at its heart, is a fear of failure, which results in actively avoiding the negative emotions associated with the task that causes this fear. Perfectionism is a type of procrastination that is a combination of a fear of failure and a fear of success (or, more accurately, other’s critiques of your success) all at once.

Neither have anything to do with your actual skillset, but they have everything to do with your perception of your skillset. Obviously, this is a harder thing to fix, as it has to do with deeply ingrained levels of self-esteem.

What I can offer you is a tactic to trick your mind into thinking you’re capable.

If you have a task, big or small, and you are feeling overwhelmed by it (like you might go curl up in bed and scroll Tumblr), immediately break that task up into smaller tasks. Keep breaking up the smaller tasks until you have the smallest possible part of the bigger task without doing nothing.

Then do that smallest possible thing.

If your goal is to write a 2000 word one shot, a small part of that task is writing half of it. An even smaller part of that task is breaking the one shot up into “scenes” and writing one scene. For instance:

Jude wakes up to a sore throat, a runny nose, and a fever.

She tries to go to work, but Cardan, being the mother hen that he is, threatens to never make her another grilled cheese sandwich (her favourite food) ever again if she doesn’t stay home.

Jude agrees begrudgingly, and Cardan sits her down in front of the TV with a bottle of Gatorade. He leaves to go get medicine from the store.

When Cardan comes back, Jude is worse than before. He makes her soup and saltine crackers and spoon feeds her.

She complains the whole time and, in her feverish state, threatens to never buy him another bottle of wine (his favourite food) ever again if he doesn’t let her feed herself.

Each bullet point represents one “scene” of about 200-400 words each. Obviously, there will be more details that you work out as you write. But with these five smaller scenes, your goal is no longer writing the 2000 word one shot. Your goal is writing the first of the five scenes.

If you complete the smallest possible task, you can stop, and you’ll still feel like you’ve accomplished something because you can cross off that task from your list. But chances are, by the time you cross off one task, you may have inspiration enough to keep going.

4. ENGAGE IN ACTIVE STIMULATION—

Since active stimulation has been proven to turn on the creative “tap”, try incorporating more of these activities into your daily routine:

Exercise: As the resident couch potato, I hate to say that exercising is good for creativity, but it is. Even if it’s just going on a short walk, so long as you’re moving.

Reading: Sometimes you have plenty of ideas, but no words to fit those ideas. Fill your well of words by carving out an hour or two each day for reading a good book.

The Creative Process: In the writing world, the creative process is a process of about 20-30 minutes that the writer partakes in every day before they start writing. This process should be creative, but also have nothing to do with writing. You can try colouring in a colouring book, painting, organising a page in your bullet journal. Anything that is creative but does not make you think about everything you have to do that day. Think of it as creative meditation.

Listen to music: Having APD, I personally can’t listen to music while I write. However, studies have shown that if you listen to at least ten songs per day, it will significantly benefit your dopamine levels and overall mood. If you’re like me and prefer to work in silence, maybe stick on a couple songs during your creative process. If you can manage music and writing together, get out those headphones!

5. KEEP A REGULAR SCHEDULE—

I know this is the most cliche point in the book, but it’s valid. This doesn’t mean do the same thing at the same time every day over and over, because ultimately we’re looking to avoid monotony. 

But having pillars of structure to bolster the excitement can definitely work to keep you from slipping into burnout. Going to sleep, waking up, and having your meals at relatively the same time every day are good examples of this. 

Feel free to change up the things you do between breakfast and lunch, but make sure you have those pillars of consistency so your brain knows that a break is on the horizon and doesn’t get tired.

6. PACE YOURSELF—

This is particularly difficult for those of us who are coming out of a creative burnout, but I urge you to pay special attention to this one. If we are suddenly hit by inspiration and the writing is flowing and flowing and flowing, eventually we will hit the point of highest dopamine capacity for writing.

Not putting a check on the flood of inspiration coming out of a creative burnout, I’d argue, is actually a guarantee that many of us will experience burnout all over again. It becomes this vicious cycle in which we are trapped.

While it feels great to write non-stop and receive immediate validation for that work, try to limit yourself to how much you’re writing and how immediately you post your writing (if you plan on posting it).

Whenever I finish a one shot or a chapter of something, I like to allow at least one day for editing before I post. This timeframe is important, because it acts as a buffer of rest between writing marathons. 

You can take however long you need for the editing process, but definitely make sure you have a set amount of time in place. Otherwise, your brain might not have enough time to come down from what is essentially a writing high, and you will always need to reach greater heights in order to achieve that same level of dopamine.

~~~~

Overall, the most important things to take away from all of this are: 

Change up your environment

Keep your brain actively stimulated 

Have pillars of structure between which you can run about chaotically to your heart’s content

PACE YOURSELF!

Hope this helped. Happy writing!

-Em 🖤🗡

Writing Tip Masterlist

Fic Masterlist

Celebrate 2K with me!

#this one was a spiritual one y'all #thanks for the ask babes! #writing #writing tips #writing advice #writeblr #writing tip masterlist #writer #writer's desk #writer's life #writer's problems #writer's block #ao3 #fanfiction #creative burnout #asked and answered #em answers #danaanruhn #thank you for 2k!! 🥳💜

[thevirgodoll]

Tips for time management & being on time ? It’s my worst habit & has caused problems in my relationships previously.

The thing about lateness that must be understood is that if you don’t care where you’re going or care about the impression being late makes, you simply will be late lol. For me, I have to place a high value on the people I am seeing / what I’m getting ready for.

Sounds dramatic, but if I don’t care about where I’m going or who I am seeing, the motivation is not there. I value other people’s time, and my own, if that makes sense. I know that we scheduled this and that everyone is busy, including myself, so none of us have time to waste especially if it’s a weekday. I always plan to meet friends like a week in advance and I put it in my calendar.

I learned a lot in leadership conferences back in HS. On time is late, I would be told. I always try to get anywhere with time to spare because of that conditioning. Same with anything in college currently. Strict rules about being on time so I am conditioned to just be early to avoid any stress.

If I don’t know where I’m going and it’s me driving, I make sure I know the route to avoid being tardy. I always get up and make a ritual of getting ready, so I leave enough time for that. I like to take my time doing my makeup so there’s that.

By the time it’s time to leave, I have enough time to be relaxed on my drive by listening to music, encounter any traffic, and get my mind ready to be social. Nothing is out of place because I took my time the entire way through.

With time management, you can underestimate how much time you actually have. This is why you should estimate how long it takes to do each task (take a shower, do your makeup, get dressed - especially if you’re not a morning person for example). I always pick my outfit the day before if it’s somewhere important. My mom taught me that.

I have ADHD so I used to need to make even more of an effort to manage it. For me not only do I have to care about where I’m going, I have to have alarms that remind me how much time I have.

I have to schedule things out for the day or it’s wasted. I have to wake up at the same time everyday, and try to go to sleep around the same time. Some nights I don’t adhere to the schedule but I still do my routine. It comes down to your routines and discipline. If you lack rituals or routines, then you can’t estimate your time properly. Doing things the same way creates a window for you to estimate when you will be finished with each task.

Summary for Time Management:

•know where you’re going ahead of time to avoid lateness

•if you’re going to make any stops, plan that in advance

•plan your outfit in advance and your look

•estimate how long it takes to get ready and give yourself accurate time (this includes eating)

•have routines that are consistent so you get ready the same way, and eventually you won’t need to time yourself - example: eat breakfast at 9, hygiene at 9:30, shower at 10, etc

•when doing a task like studying, avoid distractions like your phone - use productivity apps that block apps on your phone or laptop like Forest or SelfControl

•have a schedule to ingrain habits for your day of doing things at a certain time, then eventually your willpower may exist without a schedule

•know yourself and limits - if you don’t want to go to meet someone, don’t go...you won’t get ready properly...learn how to say NO!!!

•plan out your weeks in advance so there’s no last minute planning that overwhelms your mind

•have your digital calendar and a physical planner so you can mark down events and things to do

•become a “morning person” by having things to look forward to when you wake up, then acknowledge your most important task for the morning after you’ve done your morning rituals

•avoid over committing your week which can cause you to forget commitments to people

•have goals regarding time management - increase your effort on your most important tasks for the day or week...80% effort, 20% action

•have breaks inbetween tasks so you don’t overwhelm yourself in the long run

•when waiting to do something, read a book or listen to a podcast or focus on something productive

•less is more...don’t try to do everything at once in your week...delegate!

#advice

[abbrederisfitness]

Healthy is the New Skinny (Female Empowerment in a Perfection-Obsessed Society)

Hello and welcome to my blog! I am a health and fitness freak, so if you’re into that as well or want to try and live a healthy life I hope that my blog will help you with some tips and inspiration. Since this is my first post I am just going to give you an overview of things I find important to keep in mind when society is trying to push you to be a certain shape, some important tips to keep in mind for a happy and healthy life, and lastly a small workout challenge, which is great for beginners.

Women are ingrained with the belief that smaller is better and so many people’s health has suffered from this logic. The modeling and beauty industry as well as media advertising set “standards” of the ideal skinny body and that you need to look like the size 0 models to be happy. The beauty and model industry exploits our emotions and beliefs to help sell their products or gain publicity. It is important not to strive to look like someone else. Having a goal or mindset to look like someone else is impossible and unhealthy. Everyone was born different sizes and shapes, have different bone structure, metabolisms, and even genetics. It is always important to have a role model or someone you look up to for motivation but it is even more important to remember you are your own person. Everyone has insecurities and body image issues, but there is a difference from being unhealthy skinny and being a healthy and happy you.

I encourage all women to choose health, self-love, and to pursue personal dreams over how society thinks women should look. This all starts with having a lifestyle that works best for each individual and surrounding yourself with a good community who supports you. I’m not saying being a size 0 who powerlifts and has little to no body fat is a bad thing, but again each individual is different and it’s a good thing to have different goals than someone else. The journey to having a healthy life can be intimidating and hard to start. The following tips will show you that you don’t need to starve yourself, make yourself miserable, or ignore what your body tells you in order to live a healthy happy life. If you’re a beginner or currently struggling to live that healthy lifestyle, try and add in some of these tips to your daily workout and help you work towards your personal goals.

Five tips I live by to be healthy and happy:

ONE~ Don’t skip meals or starve yourself thinking that it will help you lose weight and get to your goal. We all need fuel in our bodies for fuel and nutrition. When you skip meals your energy goes down, which can cause depression and binge eating later in the day and gaining calories that you may have wanted to skip in the first place. Skipping meals tend to leave people to crave foods higher in fats and sugars since your body thinks it is in starvation and will crave these foods. Doing this can cause you to take in more calories per volume to make sure you have the energy you need to be active. If you skip meals this can also affect your metabolism dangerously by causing weight gain, delayed insulin response and elevated fasting which are all factors leading to diabetes. Overall, never skip a meal, if you do want to cut down on calories the healthy way is to do portion control. I recommend 3 meals a day (remember NO skipping) with a snack in between. Make sure your meals are CLEAN, full of protein, fruit, vegetables, whole grains and good fats. This will make you feel more energized and happy.

TWO~ You do NOT need to cut out everything you enjoy to stay healthy. It is ok to have cheat days or a special treat every so often. I live by the 80/20 rule; eating mainly healthy all natural and non-artificial foods full of your daily necessary nutrients makes it ok to treat yourself when needed. Having the habit of cutting back on snacks everyday and eating healthy will help you in the long run, making it more enjoyable when you do decide to “ball out” on your cravings. Completely cutting out what you love can strain your happiness which is something essential to a healthy lifestyle. I promise once you do start to eat cleaner you will feel a lot more energized and generally happier.

THREE~ DO NOT let people make you feel guilty for how you want to live your life. If you want to do a HEALHTY diet and workout every day don’t let someone make you feel bad or get in the way for working towards what your goal is. We all have friends who don’t live healthy lifestyles who won’t understand why you do what you do but that’s fine. Let them live their life you yours, just remember your goal is for you and no one else. Make sure YOU are happy because that is all that matters.

FOUR~ The golden rule; do not forget to stretch, I can’t stress this enough. Its very important to stretch after every workout (I even do it before as well sometimes) and it isn’t something that you can “overdue”. Many people underestimate how important it is to stretch, but it is key to a healthy exercise routine. Skipping stretching and continuing to do strenuous workouts day after day will increase your risk of injury. Stretching allows your muscles to work more effectively and also to cut down on being sore the next day and using that as an excuse to not workout the next day. I know that stretching has become one of my best habits and definitely helps me become more flexible week after week. I have been going to the chiropractor for about 10 years now for my being in constant back and hip pain. After doing strengthening workouts to help those muscles with a mix of stretching those areas about 2 times a day I have cut down my visits to my chiropractor immensely.

FIVE~ My last and final tip is to listen to your body. This is especially important for those of you who are just starting your fitness journey. When I first started, I was on a strict diet of eating leans meats and veggies and cutting down a lot on my carb intake. I started to hate this diet so much that I started to get deprived and unhappy. I now listen to my body and incorporate my cravings while eating clean like I mentioned earlier with the 80/20 rule. I stopped meal prepping because after the third day of eating chicken its dry and boring to eat. Now I keep plenty of fresh vegetables, fruit, and meat so when the day comes I can make whatever my body is craving that day. Once I changed and listened to my body my journey to being healthy became so much easier and enjoyable. Working out is only the start but keeping a clean diet that works with your body and needs is key.

Did you know it takes only 21 days to form a new habit? Yes, it is true and that is why I encourage you all to join in on this easy challenge. All you have to do is dedicate 30 minutes every day to getting your bodies in motion for 21 days. You can do anything you want for 30 minutes, and go even longer is you want, the more the merrier right?  If you need to get back in shape or maybe you need to get moving for the first time in a long time, join me. This challenge is inspired by Katie Willcox, who was a plus size model and is someone very inspiring to many people. Today I started my first day of the challenge.

Here is what you need to do:

1.) Follow my Instagram page @dabbrederisfitness where you can see my daily challenge post and updates on my progress as well as having a chance to be featured on my page. This is a great way to help stay motivated and hopefully help others as well or pass on this challenge.

2.) Start Day is this Wednesday, May 23, 2018.

3.) Workout for 30 minutes each day, or like I said earlier, more if you are feeling motivated to do so. The goal is the break a sweat each day doing something you enjoy, cardio, HIIT workout, core, or strength workouts.

4.) Take photos and or IG videos of your workouts, take selfies, or share how you are feeling about the challenge and tag @dabbrederisfitness and @healthyisthenewskinny on your Instagram and #21daychallenge to have a chance at being featured on my page.

5.) Invite your followers, friends, and family to join you. This is what having a community to support you is all about, having others to workout with you and see you succeed is a plus.

It’s that easy to start a healthy life, 21 days, 30 minutes a day. No excuses to not squeeze in that little amount of time everyday. I promise once it becomes a habit you will feel so rewarded and so much better about yourself mentally and physically. Remember the goal is to create a new healthy habit and join a community of people working towards the same kind of goals as you are. We need to remember to empower others and block out the negativity. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, I hope you take away something beneficial!

#mkt400uwl #health & fitness #healthyhabits #cleaneating #motivation #workoutchallenge

[sfw-haikyuu-nsfw]

Prologue

First, I want to apologize. When I originally thought of this idea, I hadn’t planned on it starting this way, but this was the final product. So, I’ll place a warning now:

CHARACTER DEATH. Chances are, I will not actually write the scene involving the incident. But it will be something that will come in and out of the story. I didn’t mean to start it out with angst, but it will get better and happier, I promise!

Second, this one and the first chapter will not have the significant other, but when they are introduced, I am going to try my best to leave them as vague as possible. This also includes height as the such (i.e. the only time I’ll use “looked up” or “gazed down” is if one is standing and the other is standing and vice versa). Further, most of the narrative will be third person limited from Bokuto’s perspective. I want everyone to be able to place themselves or their OC in that slot as easily as possible.

Third, I don’t have a title for this story yet. Sorry.

Enjoy, though! I really hope everyone likes what I have planned.

Edit: I just wanted to add the songs that inspired this because I like them and always like its important to know where artists inspiration comes from! Especially if it’s from other artists! These don’t necessarily fit the context perfectly, but I listened to them through the entire writing, so, yeah!

Sleeping at Last - Saturn  Lauv - Reforget  Dear Evan Hansen (Original Broadway Cast) - You Will Be Found

His hands itched for a drink, because he desperately wanted one - no, needed one. He’s needed one since it happened. Akaashi warned him against it, claimed it wouldn’t help, but it felt like the only thing that could tame the growing unpleasantness rising from his stomach into his heart. Really, he just wanted it all to stop hurting.

“Have you eaten today?” his friend asked him that every day when he stopped by, groceries already in hand for the response he was expecting on correcting. This had been an ingrained routine for nearly five months now. Akaashi would stop by on his way home from work to check up on him and make sure that he was taking care of himself. He usually wasn’t. “You need to eat, Bokuto,” he’d say it because he always did but he stopped expecting a proper response from his friend, “you’ll start to feel better when you start getting back into your daily routine and--”

“It’s not a routine anymore,” Bokuto found himself interrupting from his spot on the couch, his eyes trailing around the living room that was now cleared of any pictures. He had removed them all, he didn’t want to stare at that face that had disappeared from his life. “Nothing will be as it was, Akaashi.”

Akaashi remained quiet from his place in the kitchen, eyes dropping to his hands at the counter. “I know…” he was able to say at last, his voice slightly strained, “but it helps.”

They were all struggling, Bokuto knew, because he wasn’t the only one who they left behind. But it felt like it sometimes. Social media and everyone has moved on, living their lives as though nothing had happened. Bokuto stopped looking, he couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t move on like they all had, he couldn’t just forget, and he didn’t want to. His mother had suggested therapy and she probably had a point, but he couldn’t bring himself to go, not when he was sure they were going to say the same thing that everyone else was saying. None of them understood.

Food was something he choked down for Akaashi’s sake. Especially today, November 17, when there would be no celebration. Just mourning. He stared at the plate placed before him and tried to muster a small smile for his friend’s sake, but they both knew the truth. Both felt the truth.

Silence was a common thing now. It was eerie for Akaashi, really, to be in an apartment that used to hold so much noise and cheer. Now there nothing but soundlessness and dreariness when he pushed open the front door every day. Under any other kind of situation, he might have found the quiet comforting, but he missed the sound, missed the voices; it wrenched his heart enough each time that he was the one who broke it every day. “Did you cancel your tickets?” Maybe it wasn’t the best question, but it was the first one that had come into his mind and the unpleasantness didn’t allow himself to put up a filter.

The elder froze, his chopsticks lowering to his plate again as he stared at the contents of it without actually seeing them. “No,” he answered quicker than any speech he had given since the incident, “I can’t bring myself to.” It was something planned nearly a year ago now. Plane tickets that would take them across the globe. But they were pointless now, they would go unused. “It was supposed to be the trip of the century,” the words sounded cliche when he spoke them, but it was exactly the words they had used when it was being planned. His eyes stung as a lump jumped up into his throat, his jaw clenched in a faulty attempt at stopping the tears he knew would come; they came everyday.

“Maybe it still can be,” Akaashi offered, setting aside his own food to move himself next to Bokuto, his arm quickly finding its place around him. He promised himself he wouldn’t break when the one next to him was, he could fall apart later - when he was alone. “Go on the trip.”

It was a ridiculous notion. A trip planned for two to now be done by one. Bokuto stared at his friend who looked just as desperate for an answer on how to put his life back on its feet. He wanted to protest again, to say it was stupid to travel alone and without him but he couldn’t himself to say it. Because he didn’t want to cancel it. This had been their dream - the both of them - together they were supposed to do this. But…

“Yeah,” he choked on the words, “I’ll go for Tetsu.”

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu #hq!! #bokuto #bokuto kouturou #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou #koutarou #akaashi #akaashi keiji #keiji #character death #kuroo #kuroo tetsurou #tetsurou #original

[chal-converts-archive]

Thoughts on commitment, conversion, and hair covering.

Something that I’ve been thinking about a lot since I first began to seriously consider conversion is the commitment involved. When you do decide to become Jewish, it’s a permanent decision.

There are a lot of decisions – even major ones – you can later revise.

Don’t like your career path? It might be difficult, depending on your circumstances, but you can change careers.

Marriage? Divorce isn’t ideal but frequently necessary.

Pregnant? You can get an abortion, or you can carry the pregnancy to term but give the baby up for adoption.

Immigration? While the details are complex and vary based on country, even if you leave your original country, you may be able to work out a return or move to a third country.

Medical transition? While surgeries and/or sterilization cannot be reversed typically, many effects of hormone therapy can, and even if you can’t change the underlying physical changes back, you can at least cover or modify them. Plenty of trans people can “pass” as their assigned sex again if they so choose (speaking as a non-binary person who does this frequently.)

And so on.

However, conversion to Judaism is a one-way road. Sure, you can cease living a Jewish life, but all that makes you is a Jewish apostate – you don’t go back to being a gentile. By converting, you are accepting the responsibility of being a Jew, with everything that entails, and changing your mind later just means you’re not fulfilling your promises. This is one thing if you’re somewhat agnostic and/or don’t view the covenant as binding, but for those of us who do believe in G-d and/or who do view the covenant as binding, this has some serious spiritual ramifications.

That’s part of why, before I started to seriously consider conversion, I quickly dismissed the thought of converting anytime it would flicker through my consciousness. I knew it was a huge commitment, and anyway, what would G-d want with someone like me? Even once I found I couldn’t ignore the thought anymore, I still firmly tried to talk myself out of it several times.

And throughout this process, once I did start, I have frequently spent time thinking through exactly how sure I am that I can follow through. How long I should take to make sure that I’m not rushing in.

But despite these (in my opinion valid) concerns, I have tried to keep a couple things in mind.

First, whether you read it as having literally happened this way or as a metaphor, the story goes that the reason that Israel was selected from among the nations is because they accepted the covenant without even reading or understanding the terms. You could interpret this a lot of ways, but for me, what it means is that I don’t have to feel like I fully understand or know everything before I commit. That would be impossible anyway, and would mean that I would never finalize my conversion.

Second, on a more individual level, I know that I can follow through when I ingrain behaviors in myself, and so much of Jewish religious practice is ingrained behaviors. Of course ideally you have the right spirit, but realistically, a lot of the time it will be habit. This is a really good thing, because I know that I can learn by doing, and I can be a creature of habit if I go about it right.

My evidence of this actually goes back to hair covering. From the summer of 2014 until the fall of 2016, I covered my hair all the time when I was in public, with two notable exceptions – once, very early on, when I was trying to “prove” to myself that I would and could exercise autonomy in this choice, and again, when I was visiting my parents in a very small, rural town where a lot of people had known me since birth. The first time, I ended up annoyed and wishing I was covered, and the second time, I felt very exposed but handled it a lot better because it was for family reasons. Other than that, it was all day every day I was in public. Sometimes it was a hat, it was at least a bandana, but most of the time it was a full headscarf.

What’s even more wild about this is that I just sort of… did it? I felt a spiritual nudging to do so, and once I’d determined that nothing particularly bad was likely to happen to me because of it and that it was an okay thing for me to do, I just went all in and did it. I had only the faintest idea of where the nudging came from (and to wit, my guess was ultimately incorrect, too) and so I had even less of an idea of why. It was just something that I felt “asked” to do, and so I did it, without complaint or any real resistance, for two solid years. This was despite not understanding, despite not having direct communication from a clear source, or any kind of religious structure or community support from any type of faith community.

The only reason I stopped was to make a clear distinction between having covered my hair for pagan reasons and any future Jewish reasons for doing so – and let me tell you, it was hard. I felt so exposed! I’ve gotten myself back to a place where I can handle it, and I can even take pictures of myself without my hair covered, but it’s still sometimes awkward and I still miss it. I’ve been slowly taking it back up in some situations, but I have yet to feel like I’m in a place where I can 100% recommit to it. Someday. Probably when I’ve finished my conversion.

My point with all that, though, is that from that I know that I can ingrain a behavior in myself – even one that can sometimes be a real pain in the ass. (Don’t let anyone lie to you – wearing a full headscarf in 90+ degree F weather with 80% humidity is awful; like, there are certainly mitigating factors there, but it is still very hot and sticky. I still found it worth it, but uggghh.) I never gave up and I didn’t give in, and I didn’t even have the reinforcement of a working relationship with G-d or a supportive faith community. Now, with both of those things, I feel pretty confident that, so long as I lay the appropriate groundwork now, if I get into the right habits now, I will be well set up for the future when this inevitably becomes more difficult and/or the honeymoon phase eventually fades.

And perhaps most importantly, I actually feel like this amount of structure is really good for me, and that I will end up being a lot more spiritually involved because of it. I don’t do well without structure – quite a bit of structure, to be honest. My ADHD-ness makes it pretty difficult to self-impose any sort of structure. And so when it was entirely up to me to generate all of my own energy, come up with all of my own ideas, and operate under my own rituals, I just… didn’t really end up doing it? I was such a bad pagan, to be honest. Without community support and with only my own idealism to guide me, I basically only ever did the barest amount of things………….. when I remembered to, anyway.

Even growing up Christian – I was involved in the weekly stuff, but I never really did nighttime devotions or anything like that. I was basically just a Sundays and holidays kind of Christian, which is the overwhelming majority of Christians so far as I can tell. There really isn’t the same level of infusion into everyday life that Judaism has, which makes it a lot more dependent on emotional breakthroughs and pushing yourself to feel the “right” things. That just doesn’t work for me; I definitely need the constant small behavioral reinforcements in order to actually be appropriately engaged on a consistent basis.

I suppose it helps that this is the first religious thing I’ve ever actively pursued on my own (rather than being led to it) and therefore my commitment is already going to be higher, and it really really helps that I happen to believe it to be true in the more normative sense (as opposed to being metaphors upon metaphors.) Even so, and even if that intensity of belief falters (and I have been warned that it will at some point, even if only temporarily) I feel like I will be able to keep my commitments because, if I am on top of it right now, I will already have fallen into a life rhythm that makes room for observance. Even better, I have been trying to make the emotional aspects of it part of the routine. Learning how to influence and direct my spiritual and emotional energy is still a skill I’m working on, but what I am learning is that Judaism has a lot of built-in support for making that possible.

#chal's journey #long post #okay to reblog or otherwise interact with!

[ihavecolorfuldreams]

HOW I FELL IN LOVE WITH FITNESS AND FOUND INNER HAPPINESS

I love working out. No, seriously, I LOVE working out. I love it so much that I plan out my workouts ahead of time each week and put them into my calendar. I suggest working out as a way to hang out with my friends.But here’s the thing, I didn’t always love it. In fact, I hated it and would cry when my parents forced me to do anything physical (true story.) So, you can imagine the lifestyle I led. Unhealthy, overweight, unhappy, and even worse self-confidence. So, what changed? How did I go from hating fitness to making fitness part of my everyday routine? I made small changes, shifted my mindset, and found my inner happiness through moving my body.

You may be reading this and thinking to yourself that this sounds easier said than done, and you’re right. My love/hate relationship with fitness was a 15+ year journey and is still something I am consciously mindful of each day. We live in a world where instant gratification is ingrained in us. We want what we want, when we want it, how we want it, and we want it all NOW. But that’s not realistic and anything worth having is going to take time. Changing your lifestyle starts with small, attainable changes which then lead to bigger changes along the way. If you go into your fitness goals expecting big, instant results, you’ll likely be disappointed as well as be more likely to give up on your goals as a result.

After sticking with this for a while, I began to see results. Not at first, but in time. I was losing weight, becoming physically healthier, and surprise-surprise, my mood improved, too.

BUT, here’s what ended up happening; throughout my journey I saw results, felt good….and then stopped. Why? Because I still hated working out. I liked the way I felt afterwards and I liked the results I saw, but I still hated it and had to really push myself to move. It still felt like something I had to do vs. something I wanted to do.

I also had the mindset of “Okay, I met my goal, now I’m done” and this couldn’t be further from the truth. Reaching our goals is one thing, maintaining them is quite another. I was stuck in that yo-yo phase where my weight would go up and down, up and down. My mood would go up and down, up and down. Then I realized that the reason this kept happening was because I wasn’t making long term goals for myself. I wasn’t thinking about lifestyle changes, but instead about how I could change something specific in that moment. It wasn’t until I started focusing on how I felt vs. how I looked that my love for fitness truly started.

When I focused solely on my appearance, I realized I was never going to be happy. I needed to find happiness within and I needed to stop focusing on my outside appearance. This wasn’t an easy task and took a lot of soul-searching along the way, but once I was able to accept myself for who I was, flaws and all, amazing things started to happen. I started to be more in tune to what did make me happy and working out actually did make me happy. It was a time, just for me, to zone out and focus on one thing at a time. It was a way for me to relieve pent-up stress and frustration. It was a way for me to clear my mind. It was a time for me to listen to my favorite music. It was a time for me to build strength and endurance, both physically and mentally.

THIS WAS SUCH A PARALLEL TO LIFE.

In life, nothing comes easy. We need to push ourselves and fight for the things we want to accomplish. We have times where we want to give up. We have times where we feel like we can’t go on. We have times where we feel like our goals are out of reach. All of the same things we feel during a workout. I began to feel so empowered during my workouts once I shifted my mindset. I mean, think about it, I went from being the girl who did NOTHING to all of a sudden being able to do all of these physical activities which always seemed so out of reach.

I REALIZED I COULD ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO.

By not only accomplishing my fitness goals, but maintaining those goals, I realized I could achieve all of my personal, academic, and career goals too. This was the mindset shift that changed my life. Fitness no longer felt like something I had to do, but instead something I looked forward to doing. It became my solace. It became fun. It became a stress reliever instead of a stress contributor. And I learned something so powerful along the way: HOW TO BE HAPPY. These powerful mindset shifts and changes I made throughout this journey opened doors to so much more self-improvement, self-love, and self-care. I truly don’t believe I would be the person I am today if it hadn’t been for my fitness journey along the way.

IF YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO IS LOOKING TO INCORPORATE FITNESS INTO YOUR ROUTINE BUT ARE STRUGGLING WITH HOW TO DO SO, HERE ARE MY TOP 10 TIPS TO GET YOU STARTED:

Always consult with your medical provider before starting any fitness regimen. You want to ensure you are physically healthy and able to move your body in the way you intend to.

Set a small and attainable goal for yourself. For example, if you are someone who never works out it may not be the best idea to decide to run a 5k as your first goal. Instead, maybe start with just getting on the treadmill one day a week for 10 minutes. Slowly, 10 minutes will turn into 20. Slowly one day a week will turn into two, and so forth. Setting a smaller, more attainable goal is going to increase the likelihood of that goal actually being followed through with.

Find a fitness buddy. As much as I love the solitude of working out by myself, I also truly enjoy having my “workout accountability buddy” and this was especially helpful in the beginning of my journey when I needed more motivation.

Tell your inner circle your fitness goals. Telling others not only makes your goal real, but also holds you accountable. It is also a great opportunity for your loved ones to support and encourage you along the way, which will help on those days where it feels like a struggle. This is also a parallel to life in that we need the love and support of our friends and family. When we receive that love and support in one area of our lives, it helps us understand the value and relevance of it in other areas of our lives as well.

Don’t focus on weight loss, instead focus on HEALTH. Whether it be with the assistance of a medical provider or nutritionist, decide what health goals you wish to achieve. Focusing on health will allow you to create healthy lifestyle changes vs. short-term weight loss goals. This is important because it will help you shift your mindset in not only this area of your life, but in other areas too.

Think about why you started. Are you trying to incorporate fitness into your routine because someone told you to? Because you think you have to? Or, is it because you genuinely want to? When I was working out because I felt like I “had” to, it was tortuous because it wasn’t something I wanted to do. Once I shifted my mindset from “have to” to “want to,” my motivation and drive changed too. Think bout why you want to do this and make sure it’s for YOU.

Find a workout that works for you. There is no one size fits all when it comes to fitness and it’s important to find something you enjoy. There are workouts I absolutely love and some I can’t stand, but this took trial and error on my part. And here’s the really cool thing, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to stick with it. Try something else.

Move your body everyday. I love working out, but I don’t do a full workout every single day. I do however move my body everyday. This can be as simple as taking the stairs vs. the elevator, dancing to your favorite song while you get ready in the morning or while you cook dinner, or stepping out during your lunch break to take a short walk.

Schedule your workouts. I find that scheduling workouts in my calendar increases the likelihood of actually doing them. It is very easy to find an excuse to avoid a workout, trust me I know, but if you actively input it into your calendar, you are making it a priority. A commitment. This will help you stay accountable as well as ensure you are dedicating time towards working on that goal.

Be patient. As with any goal, it is going to take time to achieve and will not happen overnight. It is very easy to become discouraged along the way, so instead of immediately weighing yourself after very workout, try checking-in with yourself around how you feel instead. Ask yourself, “How is my mood?”, “How is my anxiety?”, “How is my energy level?”, “How does my body feel?” Those are better ways to gauge overall health and happiness vs. “what does the scale say today.”

[raslas01-blog]

Read With Me

Book of the Week December 29, 2019

Read With Me: Choose Fi

Book of the Week December 22, 2019

Read With Me: Atomic Habits

This book starts out with the author being hit right between the eyes with a baseball bat landing him in a coma. Coming back from this he became an amazing athlete through using the steps in his book to create atomic habits to get him where he wanted to be in life. He created a series of systems that allowed him to improve by 1%, consistently leading him to the successful person he is today. I like the way the author breaks down the 1% rule. It helps simplify the steps to creating better habits. He explains the origin of habits and how they are used to simplify our lives on a daily basis. Our brain is wired to reduce the amount of thinking on tasks we’ve done in the past. The brain uses basic problem-solving skills on a subconscious level to create habits through our daily interactions in life. Our brain creates cravings based on cause and effect and rewards. We wake up each morning and follow a routine. For me this is coffee. My brain signals that I need coffee as soon as I open my eyes because that is how my brain associates becoming alert. This is a habit that has been ingrained in me since high school. If I was to decide that I wasn’t going to drink coffee anymore, I would have to retrain my brain to not crave coffee. With that being said, this book gives you baby steps on how to do just that. By making it less desirable and keeping it simple, you can eliminate bad habits and create better ones. This book will change your life through helping you create good habits and eliminate the bad ones. By improving ourselves by 1% consistently we live happier, healthier lives. Book of the Week December 15, 2019

Read With Me: Rewire Your Anxious Brain

I think this book makes a great follow up to Unfu*k yourself because it gets into how the brain works. It’s broken up into 3 sections. The first section explains the areas of the brain and how they affect your choices and habits. I found it difficult to follow the different areas of the brain and their responsibilities. It wasn’t difficult to understand, just hard for me to stay focused. Sometimes information is harder for me to stay focused on, I tend to wonder. The second part of the book get into strategies on how to have control over your thoughts. It includes ways to change your thinking and focus to reduce anxiety. It helps you become more of an optimist rather than a pessimist. By training your brain to have a more positive outlook on your life you reduce the stress around the fear of negative outcomes. If you plan for negativity, you produce negativity even in a positive situation. The author gives simple steps to catch the negative thoughts and turn them around. The outcome of any situation is always decided by the attitude you have when handling it. We make things out to be so much worse than they are. In the third section she talks about being mindful and using meditation to calm the overactive brain. I find meditation to be agonizingly hard. I try to meditate all the time. With all of the distractions we have around us, it’s no wonder it’s so difficult. I use journaling. I can’t shut my mind off, but I do enjoy letting it all run onto the paper. I found this be very motivating and beneficial to understanding all the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis. With that being said I am working on trying to completely quiet my mind for 5 minutes a day. So, what did you think? Did you find any of the information in this book useful? I did. How did you feel about the techniques discussed? I love the way author broke things down and asked questions to allow you find your anxieties. Did you find anything that you are going to incorporate into your life? Do you feel that any of the authors ideas would make a difference? Please comment below, I would love to hear your take on this book and the others we read.  Don’t forget to get this weeks “Read With Me” book: Atomic Habits Book of the week December 8, 2019

Read With Me: Unfu*k Yourself

Unfu*k Yourself is a great book. I highly recommend it but only if you are truly ready to face yourself. This is a no gray area kind of book. It is not for the easily offended. If you are not ready to except that you put yourself in your situation and you need to get yourself out of it, then don’t read it. I am not easily offended. I read this book twice this week and it put me in such a bad mood both times. It wasn’t the book that did it, it was the truth it revealed. The first time I read it, it got under my skin. All the way through it I kept thinking; I try, I do these things, I’m not that bad, this is bullshit. The truth is, it pissed me off because it was right. We have more conversations in our subconscious on a daily basis that contradict our conscious thoughts and control our actions. These automatic negative thoughts have more power because we allow them to control our actions. Most of our lives are spent on autopilot. The only way to change that is to actively change our thoughts. Catch the self-sabotaging thoughts and override them to actions that align with the life you want. The second time I read it, I was just as mad but ready to except the truth. I’ve spent my life wining at building the life I have while wanting something better. I don’t mean that I am not happy with my life as a whole, I am. I have a great life with a great family. What I mean is, like most us, I have goals that I’m not living up to. When you read this book, you’ll realize that you are getting exactly what you want. We are all in our own way. This is what made me angry. We tell ourselves and everyone what we want out of life but the decisions we make on a daily basis reflect exactly what we have. We make plans instead of actions. This why we go in circles never getting anywhere. If you want to lose weight instead of planning on getting up early and going to the gym, just do it. If your trying to save money and be financially responsible and then go to Walmart and spend most of your paycheck, you’re getting exactly what you want “more stuff” and no savings. Sound familiar, it does to me. Stop and ask yourself, “is this what I really want,” next time you’re going against what you say you want. Book of the week December 1, 2019

Read With Me: Living Well Spending Less

Living Well Spending Less is a 12 step Christian program for taking control of your finances. I love that the author isn’t preaching about how great she is in following these steps. She is a shopaholic that still struggles at times. As you read this book, it goes from 12 step finance program to more like a way of life program that will leave you feeling happy and with purpose. Living your life in a way that brings community rather than stuff will bring true inner happiness. She includes steps for decluttering your house. The steps can be hard but the outcome is well worth it. Make your home a comfortable, happy place. Take time to appreciate those around you. More focus on the service of others leads to less focus on filling a void with STUFF. The author also includes many tips and resources on how to live well and spend less. This was a great book or guide to life that included many bible passages as well as how to incorporate Gods teachings into our everyday lives. Book of the week November 24, 2019

Read With Me: Lifespan

A rider had recommended this book to me. Lifespan is a scientific book about aging that is not too technical for an average reader. The breakthroughs that the authors team has are incredible. Could you imagine living to be 120. Could you imagine living to be 120 without the agony that comes with aging. I’m not sure how I feel about living to be that old but the idea of having a better quality of life in my my old age is intriguing. I think the author does a great job of discussing the ethical side of his research too. He gets his view across while still questioning it. I honestly don’t know how I feel about it. I want to live a longer, happy life but I worry about the impact a longer life would make. We have already significantly increased life expectancy so much over the last 100 years, how far can we increase it in the next 100 years? At this point I don’t like genetically modified foods so idea of genetically modifying myself is crazy. I do feel that this the future. I think medicine will look completely different and people will live a long time. I enjoyed this book. It was a little different from what I usually read and it had me questioning myself at times. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone fighting age. Book of the week November 9, 2019

Read With Me: The Miracle Morning

This book was one of the best books I’ve read this year. Hal Elrod is an amazing human being. The stuggles that this man has gone through in his life make most of ours just a bad day. The life altering struggles that he over comes empowers you in a way that other books fall short. The simplicity of his process makes it seem too easy to produce results. The busyness in our own heads makes it hard to decompress. He explains how to do just that in small bits of time. Starting your day everyday in the right state of mind, feeling like you’re on top of the world is your miracle morning will do for you. I’ll be honest here and say, I followed his advice for a week. In that week I felt great. I left the house and was more productive. I felt more relaxed and focused throughout the day. In fact, It was during my miracle morning that I came up with my plan to start this blog and I have really been enjoying it. Feeling so good, as a lot of us do, I stopped taking my iron and my energy plummeted and I stopped. I get lethargic due to very low Iron saturation. I will start my miracle morning again because I miss how good I felt, only this time I will continue to take my Iron. lol! Anyone that is looking for a more focused, productive, and spiritual life this book is for you. Read the full article

[marcusssanderson]

10 Ways You Are Your Own Worst Enemy – and What To Do About It

This may sound cliche, but in many ways, we are our own worst enemy. This may come as a bit of a shock and I hope it does. But you are more powerful than you possibly realize and your potential is limited by only one factor: you.

Do you know how much power you actually possess?  Do you know that literally everything in your life is the product of your choices, your outlook, your attitude, your behavior?  How does that make you feel? I invite you to look at that notion with a sense of excitement, freedom, and relief!

In my own experience, it’s as though I have been in denial of my power. It’s like I fear it or don’t understand it. I spent a lot of time literally frozen in a state of overwhelm and as the moments of my life ticked by, I was in fact, my own worst enemy – my only enemy, really.

I found myself stuck in cycles that brought me disease, yet felt unclear on how to make change. I hated my career, had vices I wasn’t proud of, and was 70 pounds overweight.  Then, when life struck – as it seems to do – I was met with an event that brought about unspeakable grief, trauma, and shock.

I realized my old ways of denying this power and ultimately denying the lifestyle I really longed for, had to stop.

Today, as a Mystical Nutritionist, I see clients struggling in so many of the ways I did. Through their experiences and my own, I offer you these 10 points to meditate upon to bring about nourishment for your whole being. Who knows, the catalyst for igniting the transformation you seek could be right NOW, if you let it.

For the only way to break through your chains is to first realize that you are your own worst enemy.

Why You Are Your Own Worst Enemy – and What To Do About It

Here are 10 ways you are sabotaging your vitality and purpose – and what to do about it:

1. Harsh Judgement and Criticism

This one is just a complete and total killer. Others may be judging or criticizing you – but NOT as bad as what you do to yourself. So the next time the negative tape starts to play, simply take a deep breath and change the track. If your worst enemy is yourself when it comes to judging or criticizing, choose to listen to something else.

2. Excuses

“I can’t do this because I’m too ____.” “I would do that, but _____.”

Sound familiar?  There’s often a need that’s not being met and excuses are the product of fear. What’s the actual need? On the other side of these excuses is your freedom. Identify the common excuses or reasons you keep telling yourself out of fear. Understand that fear is normal – but you need to move forward. After all, you’ll never know unless you actually try.

3. Scarcity and Lack

This can show up in many ways from undervaluing your offerings to not investing in yourself. This can also be a feeling or sense of inadequacy because you think you’re not being or doing enough. This one’s insidious. Pay close attention to how this may show up in your life in its many forms.

Remember: you can choose to build new habits and tear old ones. You can be better. But being yourself is just enough.

4. Selling Yourself Short

Do you have passions, wisdom, and expertise to share with people but you’re holding yourself back because of insecurities, doubt, or even shame? STOP it. You are your own worst enemy whenever you sell yourself short.

People NEED you and they need you in your authenticity and boldness. You give others permission to shine and be a human when you let yourself do it first.

5. Unclear Boundaries

How many times have you said “yes” to something when your gut was screaming at you to say “no”? Boundaries are essential to our success in every way. By honoring our various boundaries, we are honoring our purpose and our path. Every “no” is a “yes” to something more nourishing! Practice mastering when to say NO.

6. Mindlessness

Fallen into a rut and a routine? Shake it up. This is YOUR life and it’s happening now!  Succumbing to mindlessness and autopilot mode is not the way to fulfill your dreams.

Meditation has been an essential part of my journey. It doesn’t have to be the commonly thought of type of meditation, either! Decide that for the next 5 minutes, everything you do will be with a connection to your breath, body, and your senses. Shift your awareness back anytime you catch yourself wandering and watch the benefits unfold.

7. Not Being Intentional

Similar to living mindlessly, NOT setting clear intentions for your endeavors is a way to hold yourself back and becoming your own worst enemy.

What are you doing and why?  And most importantly, how do you want to feel while you are doing it? Before beginning your daily tasks, ask yourself these questions. If there isn’t a clear answer for one or more, perhaps you need to re-evaluate that item’s place on your list and refer to tip number five.

8. Outdated Beliefs

We all have deeply held beliefs that were either intentionally or unintentionally ingrained in us from a young age. “Women don’t do that.”  “I’m supposed to go to college, get a desk job, and retire.”  Whatever it may be, check and see if these are actually YOUR beliefs and what place they have in your current life. Release outdated beliefs, which are not supporting your vision. You can then be free to create new ones.

9. Unsupportive Tribe

We choose the people we surround ourselves with. It’s not surprising that they can have a huge influence over our success, our beliefs, our feelings, and even our internal stories. There are two clichés that I love:

“Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated”

“If you’re the smartest person in the room, it’s time to find a new room.”

Surround yourself with like-minded people whose lifestyles are similar to the one you desire. Folks who are dedicated to following their purpose, who walk their talk, and who will not cosign your BS. You are your own worst enemy when you let unsupportive people dictate what’s best for you.

10. Repeating Negative Cycles

Repeating anything that isn’t propelling you into the next phase of evolution on your path is not only a choice, it’s also the definition of insanity! Go back and determine which negative aspects of your life keep repeating themselves. Only then can you know WHAT is causing it, and WHAT you can do to make things better.

Humans ARE their own worst enemies. But if you courageously check yourself daily and begin to free yourself from the shackles of any of these personal issues, then you can slowly begin to grow. The second you realize you can always DO something about a bad situation, it’s when the magic happens – because that’s the time you can truly grow into the person you deserve to become.

The post 10 Ways You Are Your Own Worst Enemy – and What To Do About It appeared first on Everyday Power.

[chocolate-brownies]

Office politics. Dictatorial bosses. Coworkers’ emotions bouncing up and down and sideways. Hi-tech tools that keep changing and updating. An uncertain economy and a volatile job market. Escalating levels of expectation. Loss of direction. Too much to do. Too little time. Not enough sleep.

Whether you work in a traditional or progressive environment, on your own or in a sea of cubicles, work life is full of challenges. Most of us are beholden to the income we receive from our jobs, and beyond that, we get up and go to work because we have a real desire to contribute to the greater good. Turning away from work is not an option for most of us, so we buck up and throw ourselves into the challenges of the workplace. Some of us are doing well, successful and satisfied. But too many of us are not happy at work. We’re stressed out and quite possibly confused. We may appear to be effective, but gnawing issues like those above can make work secretly (or not so secretly) a drag. That’s not great for us and it’s not great for the people we’re working with. So where do we begin if we want to improve our work life for ourselves and those around us? I suggest starting with the mind. Ask yourself: what is the quality of my mind at work? What’s happening in my mind as the hours at work go by day in and day out? Is my mind working at its utmost?

Ask yourself: what is the quality of my mind at work?

The mind contains untold resources and possibilities—for creativity, kindness, compassion, insight, and wisdom. It’s a storehouse of tremendous energy and drive. And yet it can also be a nattering annoyance, an untamed animal, or a millstone that drags us down. Sometimes we would like to just shut it off so we can get some work done or have a moment’s peace. Yet our mind is the one thing we can’t shut off. So why not make the most of it instead? Why not put it to good use? Through mindfulness, we can train our minds to work better.

By training us to pay attention moment by moment to where we are and what we’re doing, mindfulness can help us choose how we will behave, nudging (or jolting) us out of autopilot mode. Here are a few suggestions for how to bring mindfulness into our workplace. This won’t just give us some relief from stress; it can actually change, even transform, how we work.

Four Ways To Create a More Mindful Work Routine

1) Keep an open mind

Do we see what is really there, or is what we experience filtered through our own thoughts and preconceptions? Maybe we should check how we’re seeing before we try to change what we’re seeing. First, we need to make sure our lens is clear.

Much of the suffering and discomfort we experience at work—and elsewhere—stems from our deeply held views, opinions, and ideas that become lenses through which we perceive the events of our lives. No doubt the machinery of perception each of us has developed has served us well for the most part, guiding and supporting us at critical junctures. But the burden of adhering to set patterns of perceiving while we grapple with the drama and minutiae of everyday life can be limiting and, frankly, an invitation to misery.

When we’re convinced things ought to be a certain way and they’re not, we suffer. When someone refuses to act in the way we think they should, we suffer. When we don’t get what we want, when we want it—or when we get what we don’t want, anytime—you guessed it: we suffer. The workplace, such a microcosm of life in its entirety, is rife with opportunities to march straight into suffering. What we need to explore is whether our distress really derives from the workplace itself or instead from how we apply our default ways of perceiving to the challenges we face at work.

The workplace, such a microcosm of life in its entirety, is rife with opportunities to march straight into suffering.

The mind will try to force any situation it meets into its favorite ways of perceiving and will react with distress when it meets resistance. Many years ago I had a coworker who consistently got me riled up. She had a way of doing things that just got under my skin. I would think to myself, “If she would only act this way instead of that way, we would all be happier and more productive.” This was pretty much a daily, and sometimes hourly, occurrence.

Of course, what I was really feeling was that if she acted differently, I would be happier and more productive. I was seeking the comfort of the familiar and the expected and yearned for my coworker to act in a way that precisely supported my needs. However, as soon as I realized that I was caught up in a particular way of perceiving, I found I could alter my perception and apply real choice to how I felt about her. And when choice entered the equation, I quickly realized I no longer needed my colleague to change—because I had.

It can be difficult enough to be open-minded toward others, but it is even more difficult to be open-minded toward oneself. It takes real training. To discover the ways of perceiving you’re apt to blindly apply, experiment with keeping yourself curious, attentive, and receptive.

Whenever you detect yourself falling into an old, familiar pattern, stop and examine what is actually going on. Notice the physical sensations in your body; notice the emotions that have bloomed; notice what stories your mind is generating that make your body tense and inflame your emotions. But it’s important not to disparage yourself for falling into an old and unhelpful pattern. Recognize the potentially explosive negative charge generated by your body, thoughts, and emotions. Accept that it has arisen, then make the decision to be in control of it instead of being controlled by it.

2) Learn to respond, rather than react

Inflexible patterns of perceiving inevitably prove too small, too confining, for all that our minds need to encompass and accomplish. Inflexible patterns of reacting squeeze the life out of us. Each of us has our own pet scenarios that chafe against our expectations. When they pop up, they threaten to stir up jealousy, anger, defensiveness, mindless striving, and a stew of other possibilities. We may end up saying or doing something hurtful, something we’ll regret later and may have to apologize for. We leapt before we looked.

Conversely, when we stop to examine how we typically respond to situations, we create space for more creative and flexible responses. Ultimately, as we build the habit of mindfully examining our responses in the moment, mindful awareness becomes our new default mode.

Let’s take an example that hopefully is not too familiar. You’ve been working tirelessly with a coworker on a project, but when it comes time to receive accolades for the project’s success, your partner manages to take all the credit. You’re now entering that decisive moment when you have the chance to become master of your reactions. Or, to put it another way, to meet your experience.

By decoupling what’s happening from your reaction to what’s happening, odds are you will prevent yourself from simply being carried along by the experience and instead will prove yourself capable of getting ahead of it.

Becoming aware of the impact the slight has had on you is the first step. Separate yourself from yourself just enough to allow you to examine, free from rote reactions, how your body, emotions, and thoughts are combining to gear up for a response.

By decoupling what’s happening from your reaction to what’s happening, odds are you will prevent yourself from simply being carried along by the experience and instead will prove yourself capable of getting ahead of it.

In examining your thoughts, you’ll probably see a story forming, something along the lines of how you heroically brought the project to completion, only to have it stolen away at the last minute. Once you can see this narrative open out before you like a book—once you have become the reader of the story instead of its protagonist—you have put yourself in position to let it evaporate. You may notice how the pounding heart, sweaty palms, and tightened shoulders you just experienced slip away along with the storyline you just let go of. You gently shift to a state that is more relaxed and, as a result, more confident. States of being, which can seem so permanent and monumental, are not in fact static. They shift moment to moment, and they can change in response to our awareness of them. It’s amazing how easily a grimace can morph into a smile.

There’s no need to assume that mindful self-examination means you have to allow your coworker to take credit where credit isn’t due. Rather, its goal is to allow you to respond in a new way that frees you from old, ingrained, automatic patterns.

3) Remember, thoughts are not facts

Consciously, confidently meeting experiences, instead of being carried away by them, is a practice you can apply in all situations. It is helpful not just in emotionally charged events like the one above, but also in situations that may seem insignificant, but which could become more significant if left unexamined.

Let’s say you’ve taken the attitude that the tasks assigned to you are unimportant or undervalued. Ask yourself if you feel that way because it is true. Or do you feel that way because you’re so used to telling yourself it’s true that you can’t think of it in any other way?

Think even smaller. Imagine something as routine as the way you hoist the phone to your ear when it rings. By really examining this action—seemingly so inconsequential, so unworthy of examination—you feel like it’s something you’re doing for the very first time. You may detect anxiety traveling down your arm and tension as you pick up the phone. Experiencing everyday actions up close in this way is not about being self-conscious. It’s about bringing choice, attention, and awareness back into things that you’ve allowed to become automatic. By opening up to the tiniest habit, you make it possible to crack open the larger habits, which seem more resistant to change. You can look at every action and interaction freshly.

The more you understand your own mind, the more you can understand the minds of others. If you come to understand your own body language, you can read the body language of others better. Mindfulness doesn’t give you a crystal ball, but it tends to increase your empathy, your ability to put yourself in someone’s shoes with greater understanding. It enhances your connection with other people and supports you as you build relationships. No action, reaction, interaction, or relationship ever feels uninteresting or unworkable if a curious mind is brought to bear on it. You can actually transform that feeling of, “Oh man, here comes John, my supervisor—I bet he wants me to change my work, again” into “Here comes John again. How can I see and hear him, without judgment, as though we were interacting for the very first time—just dealing with what comes up in the moment?”

4) Build healthy habits

For mindfulness to work at work, it helps to have both a formal practice of mindfulness and informal practices that extend mindfulness into everyday life. Formal practice involves learning a basic mindfulness meditation such as following the breath and practicing it on a regular, preferably daily, schedule. Informal practice, no less important, can literally take place any second of the day. It involves nothing more than focusing the mind on whatever is happening in the present moment, outside of the shopworn patterns we have built up over a lifetime.

Mindfulness interrupts the conditioned responses that prevent us from exploring new avenues of thought, choking our creative potential. Each time we stand up against a habit—whether it’s checking our smartphone during a conversation or reacting defensively to a coworker’s passing remark—we weaken the grip of our conditioning. We lay down new tracks in the brain and fashion new synaptic connections. We become less likely in the future to default to patterns that can trap us into being satisfied with ineffective and outmoded strategies. We take steps to improve not only how we are at work but the work environment itself.

In this way, mindfulness is not just personal. It has a contagious quality that will change the culture in an organization—not necessarily in big, sweeping ways but gradually, incrementally.

This article also appeared in the August 2013 issue of Mindful magazine.

more ways to be mindful at work

Work

How to Start a Mindful Community at Work 

Change doesn’t have to start at the top — Explore these five steps for creating a mindfulness group that’s right for your workplace. Read More 

Jae Ellard

September 12, 2018

Work

10 Ways to Be More Mindful at Work 

You don’t need to meditate every day to experience the benefits of mindfulness at work. Here are a few ways you can inject mindful moments into your day so you can de-stress and do your best. Read More 

Shamash Alidina

November 7, 2018

Work

Four Self-Care Habits to Practice at Work 

We are our own worst critic — and it could be holding us back in the workplace. Here are four ways to stop being so hard on ourselves and use simple moments during the day to wind down when we feel overwhelmed. Read More 

Leah Weiss

April 3, 2018

The post Train Your Mind to Work Smarter appeared first on Mindful.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

[gettobruges]

Every Sunday morning my Mother would wake me up at approximately nine am to get ready for church. The Pentecostal church we attended every week was a small one with a small congregation. It was a nice enough church, painted with pretty colours and with warm, welcoming faces. I had a few friends at the church, and I really enjoyed their company. This did not stop me from dreading Sunday mornings, however. I hated waking up early and getting dressed in ugly dresses that always ended up being too tight for my chubby little body. Most severely, I hated the boring sermons. Don’t get me wrong, the Pastor was a lovely woman who always preached with great passion. It was fun to be able to watch someone talk about something they love with such devotion. What I loathed were the messages being preached.

They were always of different stories from the Bible with various messages that always came back to the one of the same three things; appreciate God and all that He does for us, Do not stray away from God’s light and become too worldly, and be weary for we do not know the day nor the hour. I already knew of the first two messages. They were ingrained in me from a young age. It was the last message that really got to me. 

“We do not know the day nor the hour.”

What does that even mean?  Whenever I asked my Mom what that meant, she would just say something along the lines of “We will never know when the Lord will decide to brings us home.” I’ve always thought that she meant we will never know when the rapture will happen. No one knows when Jesus will return for his people. After all, that is what the quotes is supposed to mean taken in context. It wasn't until I was older that I realised that the quote could have more than one meaning. Specifically, I realised this on September 11th, 2010.

Both of my parents were raised in very religious families. My mother’s parents were devoted Catholics. They weren't harsh when it came to raising her with catholic views, but they did instill the essential catholic beliefs in her. My father, however, came from a strict Jamaican background and was raised in the Pentecostal church. My grandfather was a pastor and used to preach at his own church. My father didn’t have a great childhood. He grew up in a somewhat tyrannical household. Children were to be seen not heard. If any of the children stepped out of line, they were cruelly punished. That's the way his parents were raised, therefore, that’s the way he was raised.

I didn’t find this out until recently, actually. Within the last couple of years. It kind of changed the way I saw my grandparents. My grandma was always a cantankerous woman, but my grandpa was different. I remember my grandpa being a happy and warm person. Whenever I saw him, he always had a smile on his face. He always gave me the tightest hugs, and I used to always sit on his lap. He was one of the nicest people I knew. Years later when I finally heard about all the awful things he did to my father and his siblings, I didn’t know what to think. It really messed with my head. I started thinking of revenge. Was what happened to him God’s revenge for how he treated his family? Does anyone deserve that? How could he say he was a man of God when he treated his own family like that? To this day I still don’t know what to think. I do, however, choose to remember my grandpa as the happy old man who gave the greatest hugs. I don’t know if I can believe anyone deserves what happened to him.

Every other weekend I would visit my grandparents. I would give a quick hug to my grandpa and grandma, maybe eat something that my grandma would put down in front of me, and watch TV. My grandma lost the remote to her TV years ago.  I never felt like getting up off of the couch to change the dials,  therefore, the TV volume was always left low. I never minded it, though. I never paid much attention to it anyways. Whenever I watched the TV I was really just listening to my dad’s conversations with his parents. They were always in the other room, but they always argued loud enough for me to hear them. It seemed that they argued every time we came over. It was always about different things. However, at some point, it became about the same thing. My grandpa apparently became really sick, yet I never noticed. He had something called “Alzheimer's” and was in the advanced stages of it. My 10 year old self had no idea what that meant. I knew if I asked about it, they would get mad about me eavesdropping. I figured that if it was anything really important, they would tell me. Little did I know.

I didn’t realise that the big smiles he would give me whenever I came over were fake ones. More often than not, he didn’t remember who I was. I guess he thought he should know who I was, therefore, he gave the warmest welcomes. His big hugs were silent pleas for help in a way. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to live like that. Waking up to strangers everyday, not remembering who you are. It sounds like a living hell. I guess my grandpa was good at  facades. I did always think  he was a kind man of God, after all. Even with a brain disease, he was still good at fooling people. He had me fooled for years. Did he still deserve it though?

Now and then I think about that day. September 11, 2010. It was a Saturday. I remember I woke up that morning with a hollow feeling in the pit in my stomach. I had no clue why, but I woke up dreading the day.  I told myself it was because I had church the next morning. Time to hear yet another monotonous sermon.

However, it really was because we had to go to my grandparents’ house that afternoon. My grandfather had gone missing a few days before. He went on one of his routine morning walks, and never returned home. It had been nearly four days, and my parents were out of their minds with worry. My entire family was. The day after he went missing, we printed out a bunch of flyers and posted them around the neighbourhood, and around the town. “MISSING: HERBERT MALCOLM. 79. IF FOUND, PLEASE CONTACT US HERE.” I handed this out to everyone I could. I prayed every night for his safe return. During the time he was missing, our mother would bring us to church daily so we could pray. I found myself yearning for the sermons, if only to provide me hope. For once in my life, the incessant preaching soothed me. I had never been so terrified in my life. Those four days were unbearable, and praying was all I had. Oh boy, did I pray. No matter how much I prayed, we never found him. Until we did.

When I woke up on September 11th, 2010, I had another awful feeling in my stomach. I never expected it to be one of the worst days of my life, though. On that fateful Saturday morning, I woke up to an empty house. I assumed my mom went back to the church or went to hand out more flyers. I got dressed, expecting her to be back soon to take us to my grandparent’s house.

        She didn’t show up until 2 hours later. When she picked me up, she looked like she had been crying.

“What’s wrong, mom?” She had a far away look in her eyes.

“Nothing, get in. We have to go pick up your brother.”

I got in the car, and we went to go pick up my little brother from his weekly Spanish class. I never questioned her red, swollen eyes. She cried a lot during those days.

That far away look she had stayed the entire time we were gone.

I had my fiercely devoted pastor in my mind at the time we found him. We had picked up my brother, and ran a few errands before we  headed to my grandparent’s house. In the car, we  were listening to a preacher who was preaching about the end of days. “We know not the day nor the hour!” He kept insisting. He said it with such passion that it reminded me of her,  I didn’t want to think about the end of the world. I never wanted to think about that.

Now that I think about it, that day could’ve been it. Jesus could have opened up the heavens and descended in his fiery chariot, and I would’ve been okay with it. Just so that I’d have some other memory rooted in my mind that wasn’t what I witnessed that day.

`As I listened to the preacher, and thought about how he and my Pastor would be good friends, I noticed my mom started speeding. She was speeding and heading in a different direction, away from my grandparents’ house, “Mom? Where are we going?”Silence. “Mom, what’s going on?”

She only shushed me. My heart started racing when she pulled into a plaza next to a small river. There were two fire trucks, an ambulance, and what looked like five cop cars. I swear my heart stopped right there. As my mom rushed out of the car, I closed my eyes and ears. I didn’t know what was going on, and I was too scared to find out. I will never forget the bloodcurdling scream that came from my mom. I will never forget the sound of her sobs.  I sat there, unmoving. It wasn’t until I heard the car door close that I realised my little brother had left the car to go see what's wrong. He was only five. He was five years old and he witnessed my grandfather’s dead body be removed from a river with a crane. As I sat there in the car, with my hands going numb with how hard I was squeezing my ears trying to drown out the sound of my mother’s sobs, I had one thought stuck in my head. “You do not know the day nor the hour.” God, I wished Jesus came and took me right then and there.

  It took me years, but I finally healed. I never actually witnessed it like my mother and brother had, but just being there when it happened scarred me enough. It turns out, when my mom was driving home, she saw the fire trucks and ambulance. Something told her to follow them, and so she did. That’s how we found him. Apparently, my grandpa had forgotten everything again while on his morning walk and had wandered away. We still don’t know how he ended up in the water, but a store owner had found him floating. My grandma to this day still believes someone pushed him in.

   I try not to think about this day. It was traumatic for everyone. We stopped going to church as much as we did, and we eventually moved back to Canada a couple of years later. I still think about that boring old church with the boring yet lively Pastor. In a way, our prayers were answered. We did find him. Just not in the way we wanted to find him. I learned something that day. Some things in life are completely out of our control, such as life and death. For the most part, we cannot control our fate or the fates of others. Most importantly, though, I learned that we truly will never know the day nor the hour.

#assignment