#Jennifer Jareau angst

[demonicbaby666]

A Job Offer

One Shot | Criminal Minds Masterlist | Masterlists

Fandom: Criminal Minds 

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!Reader

Genre: Angst and Smut

Words: 5.2k+

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, NSFW, smut, cursing, fingering, oral, overstimulation, strap on use (JJ!recieiving)

Summary: Despite you and JJ not being a couple, you do share nights together, nights that are not so innocent. However, when a job offer comes your way, you have to decide whether it'd be better to stay at the BAU or accept your new position, and like it or not, JJ has a part to play in this choice.

A/n: Hi, the kids don’t exist in this timeline. Also the timeline doesn’t timeline cause JJ ain’t really liaison, but I care not. Also, leaving it on a sorta cliffhanger without a part 2 cause I’m mean xoxo

"I'm going to cum!" JJ screamed up to the ceiling, her hips moving erratically to and from the mattress, "Fuck baby, so good."

You were fucking her just how she liked it, dirty, rough and hard, pounding the strap in and out of her so fast it became a blur of skin slapping against skin, the dildo only appearing in rapid intervals. JJ's hands were encouraging your every thrust, her nails etching their distinct curved signature into the supple skin of your ass. 

"Do it," you encouraged, soaking up every desperate moan. With a slip of your hand between your bodies, you rubbed the older woman's clit, gently enough so that the sensitivity gained from the last hour of fucking was not piqued but hard enough so that the pressure would give her the needed edge over her impending orgasm, "Cum for me JJ." 

"Yes!" She cried out, her release simultaneously sparking life into every cell in her body and freezing it in its tracks. Her hands stayed stagnant but firm, keeping you fully sheathed inside her as her body shuddered and her hips ground in circles, lengthening her orgasm to its full extent. 

Slowly, a steady breathing pattern was adopted between the two of you. The hands holding you close slackened, allowing you room to pull out and fall back onto the mattress with a content sigh falling from your lips. The moment was only made better when soft blonde locks tickled your chest, and you glanced down to see JJ's head settling on your shoulder. Metal clacked quietly - fingers expertly unbuckling the harness from your hips, allowing you to shuffle it off and place it aside. 

A comfortable silence soon fell over your bedroom, warm and lulling. Your fingers traipsed mindlessly up and down JJ's spine whilst she wrapped an arm around your waist, nestled closer into your neck, and planted light kisses over the salty skin. It was easy in times like these to lose yourself, forget the daily struggles that fed your sullen mind, and imagine that life could always be filled with the contentedness you were given a brief taste of. A daydream come true, but the reality was much crueler. 

"I've got to go," JJ sighed after a minute or two, showing no intent or want of moving, "Will's back in an hour." 

"A few more minutes," you grumbled, running a hand through her hair and pulling her body in a little closer. 

No argument was made, and JJ wholeheartedly accepted her fate, shuffling her body half atop yours and moving her kisses higher to the fine line of your jaw. The finite moment lingered with sweet kisses and caresses shared, and soon, you succumbed to sleep. It's a simple but treasured thing, sleeping next to the person you've found yourself undeniably falling for. It's seeing another side of them and letting them see a secret side of you when you have no control over how you look - peaceful or softly snoring from the exhaustion of a long work day, as JJ often did. 

The cold woke you, alongside the quiet shuffling from the far side of the room. It was never a fond sight to sit up, rubbing well-earned sleep from your eyes, and see JJ dressing herself, going over what excuse she'd come up with to tell her fiance. 

"Shit," she groaned, walking over to the bed and placing a chaste kiss on your forehead, "I didn't mean to wake you." 

"It's okay," you smiled, "What time is it?" 

"Almost eight. We slept for about an hour," JJ rushed to say, double-checking her phone before tossing it into her bag, "I've got to go, but I'll see you tomorrow." 

You tried your best to give her a convincing smile and a cordial nod, though you knew it was anything but. She was trying to hide the obvious stress running through her system from sleeping in too long and, most likely, being late back home. So you - as always - found yourself empathising.

"Drive safe," you said, your false smile still intact. 

It wasn't hard to fall back asleep once you heard the front door to your apartment close. You'd become accustomed to warding off unpleasant thoughts after encounters and partings with JJ. The two options were either to feed them and entrap yourself into believing a false reality or to acknowledge that life just isn't pretty or straightforward, it's a brutal battlefield, and the only way to survive is to face the truth of a shitty situation. That acceptance kept you strong and tactile in how you responded to the predicament you'd found yourself in. So, sleep came easy, knowing you'd already surmounted the horrors that fought to keep you awake. 

The following morning was, as it turned out, not so ordinary. The routine check of your emails had you up on your feet and pacing, overcome with utter bewilderment. A job offer to run the Washington FBI office for counterterrorism had landed in your lap a while ago, and you'd taken a gander in submitting your name into the mix. In honesty, it was a drunken gander, and you had never expected to be considered, let alone chosen. But life had a funny way of surprising you then. 

Though the start of the day was somewhat unexpected, you treated it as any other, getting breakfast, driving to work, and sitting down at your desk to sift through mountains of paperwork. You'd worked in the BAU for a while, and it only dawned on you with thoughts of leaving that the work grew to be tiresome, cases were exhausting, each taking its toll on your psyche. Yet the gratification of putting shitty ass people behind bars just couldn't be matched. Plus, you adored the team. They were your family; you settled down in Virginia, and, well, there was JJ. The pros seemed to outweigh the cons, but you hadn't had time to do more research, so assuming that staying at the BAU was the better option wasn't exactly foolproof. 

"You're moving to Washington?!" A high-pitched squeal came from behind you, and you felt everyone turn to look at you as Garcia stormed towards your desk. 

Soaring from your chair, you yanked the blonde by her arm and pulled her into the hallway, ignoring the curious looks from the rest of the team.

"First of all, stalking me… Not cool," you bitterly whispered before taking a deep breath and quelling your tone. In times like these, it was hard not to find the technical analyst's snooping infuriating, but at the end of the day, the truth was her checkups came from a place of worry, "Second, I haven't decided yet." 

A flash of hurt crossed her features, "So you are considering it?" 

There was no use playing coy, "Yes. It's a good job, Garcia and I'd be stupid not to." 

"I just," she said, briefly pausing and giving you a watery smile, "I know. I'm happy for you. I just don't want to see you go." 

It was safe to assume every little outburst this woman had was down to her rampant emotions and her fundamental problem with change. That's why it was hard to stay mad at her. She honestly didn't want to see you go and was most likely beating herself up for feeling so conflicted. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't known what that felt like. 

"Come here," you open your arms to her, and she gladly accepts the gesture by falling into them, "I promise I'll tell you what I decide. Plus, I'd never let you miss the opportunity to throw me a killer goodbye party." 

"You better not," she grumbled, pulling back to fix her hair, "We've got a case, by the way. Hotch is waiting in the briefing room." 

"Well, rally the troops, and I'll see you there."

The briefing went as briefings do: information was handed out, and vivid imagery was shared and imprinted into your head forever. However, the presence of JJ next to you did help. She had a calming aura, and all you'd have to do when you felt as though the world was a shitty place - which it very much is - was turn to her and admire how her smile could be so warm, how her fleeting reassuring touches would pacify your sunken mood and how throughout her whole time at the BAU she'd remained so strong and still so loving, and you'd feel fine. 

"You okay?" JJ asked as you walked to the car, "I heard Garcia this morning, and you seemed off during the briefing." 

"I'm all good," you lied, giving her a smile when she opened the passenger door for you, "I have a lot on my mind, that's all." Not a lie. 

She appeared sceptical, her eyes zoning in on you and creasing every so slightly at the sides. But she must have pushed it aside whilst closing the door and making her way around the car because the next thing she said was, "Well, I'd be happy to take your mind off it later." 

You chuckled at that. It was no secret that JJ had a high libido, and hell, if you didn't love it, particularly in times when she'd ravish you all night and would still have the energy to go again the following morning. It made you feel the most wanted you'd ever felt during the entire duration of your hapless life. The passion bred in nights spent together was mind-numbing. It felt like you found your escape with each other - away from the team, your home lives and the constant strain of cases. Somehow, even the mention of your nights together, previous or upcoming, had a way of putting your mind at rest and eliciting a beaming smile to grace your lips. 

"You know I'd never say no," you said, smirking, admiring how JJ mirrored your facial expression as she started the car and headed to the airstrip.

It was the truth; you'd never found a good enough reason to decline her offers, and the likelihood was you wouldn't. She had a way of twisting you around her fingers and never letting you forget it. Lunches, catch-ups, and, even once, a weekend trip away had been cancelled, and to think all it took was one phone and a particular husky voice at the other end of the line requesting your company. 

So, true to word, after a long day, you snuck into JJ's hotel room and found a pleasant surprise. She lay sprawled out on the bed, stark naked, a tantalising smirk adorning her lips. One index stretched out then curled in a come hither motion, and you practically leapt. 

"Someone's eager," JJ chuckled, cutting herself with a moan as your lips descended to her neck.

"Can you blame me?" You said, words slightly muffled, with you nipping and sucking at JJ's throat. 

"Mmmm, I'm not complaining," she hums as she tilts her head back and grabs the neckline of your t-shirt, "Though I will complain about you still wearing clothes," she moved her hand down to the lining of your shirt and tugged, "Off." 

Sitting up, you rid yourself of your shirt and bra, much to JJ's delight. No matter how many times she's seen you naked, she still looks at you like it's the very first time, and that in itself gets you wetter than the thought of all your exes combined. 

By the time you were done revealing your upper body, hands were already grasping at the waistband of your trousers. The irony of her earlier comment staring you right in the face was too hard to ignore, so you let out a breathy laugh whilst saying, "Now look who's eager." 

To that comment, JJ stopped her efforts to take off your trousers and instead used them to yank you forward, the tip of her nose brushing against your stomach. She darted her head down and harshly bit the side of your hip bone with a growl. You had to hold your bottom lip between your teeth to stop a moan from spilling out. 

After her display of dominance, you knew two things: JJ wanted to be in control tonight, and by the look in her eyes, if you weren't naked soon, you'd face some heavy consequences. 

"Okay, okay," you surrendered, helping her remove the last barriers between your naked bodies. 

Instantly, she had you on your back. Stationed between your legs, she looked down at you with blown-out pupils, shamelessly taking in the sight of your bare body on display. 

"Stunning," she whispered, sounding more like she was talking to herself than to you, but you seemed to blush regardless. 

JJ left you no time to repay the compliment before her lips crashed down on yours, and her tongue demanded entrance, which you readily granted. She swirled the muscle around your mouth in a practised dance, stopping now and then to nibble at your lips, then going right back in. The way she kissed was addictive, and often, you thought you could come undone just from it alone. She'd perfected the art of being rough yet gentle, fast yet slow, passionate yet loving. It set your whole body alight, made your throat dry, and your knees weak. Even when laid down, you felt your body failing you, the mattress against your back a reassuring fail-safe. 

Tender kisses fell lower, marking an invisible path to your collarbone, where they took their time dotting an array of scarlet blotches into your skin. JJ knelt back, smirking as her eyes darted over the canvas of bruising marks before she got back to work, lowering herself back down to the juncture of your breast. There, she became softer, pecking lightly from side to side till she was close enough to encapsulate a firm nipple into her mouth and lather it with her tongue. She knew your body so well - too well, you sometimes thought - you hadn't even needed to mourn the isolated attention to one breast before a warm hand cupped neglected flesh and began to knead. 

"Oh god," you whimpered, pushing yourself further into JJ's mouth and hand. 

You felt her lips curl around your breast, likely proud of herself for getting you worked up so fast despite knowing perfectly well she could do so with much less in her arsenal. Gloating put aside, JJ brought her free hand resting beside you to your thigh, squeezing the muscle - her thumb skimming the outskirts of where you almost certainly needed her. She continued to tease, and a protest lingered on your tongue, watching JJ brazenly settle on paying homage to your stomach, planting kisses high and low, but never as low as you wanted them. The pit in your stomach grew bigger, and the ache between your legs became more painful, yet the blonde paid no attention to your dejected whines. 

Finally, when even the rutting of your hips did nothing, and the wriggling about only brought JJ back to your neck, you half huffed, half moaned, "Do I need to beg?"

Oh, so pleased with herself, JJ retorted, "I'd like that very much."

Choosing your release over your pride, you grabbed the sides of JJ's face, pulling her up so she was at eye level before confidently saying, "Please fuck me, JJ. I want to feel your fingers inside me. I want you to make me cum so hard that I can't walk tomorrow."

"Mmm," she hummed, her hands squeezing both your breast and thigh, "Well, since you asked so nicely." 

The cursed thumb that had been endlessly teasing you moved, brushing lightly over your clit. As brief as the stimulation was, it was enough to cause you to jolt and grip the bedsheets. JJ retired her hand from your breast and clung to the pillow behind you, fingers running through the wet mess between your legs. 

"I love how wet you get for me," she husked, placing a quick peck on your lips and ignoring your disapproving grunt to being denied more, "I want to watch you." 

Just as she made her plans known, she thrust two fingers inside you and watched your mouth open in a gasp, biting her lip at the erotic sight. You burned, not only from her eager gaze but from the biting pleasure that ran its way along your spine and caused all your muscles to tense. The room faded to dark, your eyelids drooping, letting you hone in on the sea of sensations swimming through your body. Your chest rose and fell with every sharp intake of air you took, and it only became worse when JJ started to move, sliding her fingers out and then plunging them back in. She did this over and over until you felt as though you might burst. There were bulbs of sweat forming over your brow. Your lips were permanently parted. Your jaw shook with each breath. You were so close to the edge but not close enough. Then a thumb began caressing your clit, and you almost screamed in relief. 

"Yes," you hissed, hips bucking up and down as JJ angled her fingers to run over ridged flesh, "I'm going to cum."

"Open your eyes," she tenderly whispered, kissing your temple, then leaning back again, "Look at me." 

You did as instructed, watched JJ sway above you, saw the reverence in her eyes, and gazed into them as you felt the knot loop tighter and tighter in your stomach. She moved faster, using her hips to fuck into you harder. In a flash of white, your legs were shaking, your fingers tearing into the bed linen as your release poured out of you right onto JJ's fingers. All you could do was loop your arms around JJ and muffle your shaky cries into her neck, praying you wouldn't be heard. 

The two of you stayed intertwined like that for a while, her fingers still inside you, moving slowly and steadily until you winced from being so sensitive, and she delicately withdrew. You had to blink to make out the room decor again: a wooden bedside table with a flickering lamp atop it, a sorry-looking armchair sitting idly in the corner and a dainty coffee table beside it. 

"You okay?" JJ smiled above you, brushing strands of hair out of your face. 

Returning her smile, you gave her a nod before pulling her down for a passionate kiss. You threaded your hands through her silky hair, scratching at her scalp and enjoying the content sighs she let out. There was a harmony to how you and JJ fucked. Where you'd often find in relationships one person getting off a significant amount of times more, a giver and receiver dynamic if you will, that was nothing like what you two had. Together, you walked the line of balance well, but at that moment, feeling her above you, tasting her tongue in your mouth, and remembering the way she looked at you whilst giving yet another brain-numbing orgasm, it made you want to give her more - give her everything. 

You wanted to make sure that come the following days, she'd be so sore she wouldn't even consider letting Will touch her, let alone fuck her. Trying to eliminate the possessiveness and jealousy that lay dormant within you was useless, so in times like these, you used it for good. You could show JJ that no one else could do this for her. Her body was painted into your mind so clearly that you could be blinded and still tell it was her from touch alone. You could have your memory taken away, but with a pencil and paper, you'd draw the dips of her hips, the creases beside her eyes, and the jutting knuckles that run along her slender fingers. No one else knew her body like you; the need to remind her of it was dire. 

Using her kiss befuddled mind to your advantage; it was easy to flip the tables and trap JJ beneath you. The move earned you a shocked yelp, though the second your lips found a dusky nipple, no complaints were heard. Only sultry moans warmed your ears. 

Palms pushed the back of your head down whilst JJ arched to fit more of herself into your mouth, and you dutifully took her in. It didn't matter that you could hardly breathe, not when you could feel and hear how JJ's breath was catching in her throat and how her heart was hammering against her chest. 

After giving the older woman's breast the much-needed attention they deserved, you sought your sights lower. Leaving a shimmering trail down JJ's taut stomach, you crawled back on the bed and positioned yourself comfortably between two muscled thighs. A sharp inhale from above, and hands fisting in your hair were sign enough for you to drive forward and deliver a long lick along JJ's slit, closing your eyes to enjoy the bitter flavour of her exploding over your tastebuds. 

It wasn't long before you worked JJ up into a wiggling mess. It was painstakingly evident from the tireless efforts of the blonde's buckling hips that the lack of notice of her clit was becoming a problem. Taking pity, you sought to eradicate JJ's frustrations. With one final up swipe of your teasing tongue, you brought your lips to her needy clit and sucked. The gratification echoed around the hotel room as JJ slapped a palm over her mouth to keep quiet. 

You kept going, alternating between sucking and licking, occasionally moving south to tease JJ's cunt with the stiffened end of your tongue, then returning to her clit. 

"Don't stop," JJ breathily begged, "Don't you dare stop."

And you didn't, not for a second. You continued lathering JJ with unbridled pleasure, coaxing her body into a quivering mess until the muscles in her stomach were painfully tense and only then did you ease two fingers inside her. The pace you immediately set was vigorous, thrusting in and out of her so quickly her body was struggling to keep up. With her head flung back, JJ came with your name on her lips, breathily panting. Yet, still, you wanted more. 

Sitting up, you waited for JJ to regulate her breathing as she held tight to your forearms and only then did you start moving your fingers again. Nestling your head in her neck, you moved faster, finding and hitting a spot deep inside JJ that had her digging her nails into your skin, marring you with crescent moons dotted in red. The pain only motivated you to keep going, fucking into her harder until she was all but screaming and sure to be heard. You didn't care. She was perfect like this: panting, out of control and solely focused on what you were doing to her. 

Your arm began to protest; it ached and cramped, but you fought hard against it, using your body to drive in and out of JJ's exhausted pussy. Over and over, she spoke your name, hushed this time, as her awareness of where she was prevailed. 

Sensing JJ's orgasm from the pulsing clenches around your fingers, you snuck your thumb over a tender clit and added another finger to your thrusts. The additional force sent her toppling over the edge, but you didn't stop even then. You continued to fuck her right through her orgasm, biting into the flesh of her neck to keep her crying out. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!' JJ cried out, "I-"

She never finished, a third orgasm rapidly washing over her, snapping her spine and leaving her motionless, half off the bed. Her jaw was trembling, and her eyes wedged closed, but the starting of a contented smile was tugging the side of her lips. When she slumped down on the mattress, she was boneless and limp, her chest heaving as she struggled to draw in steady breaths, "Fuck," she finally whispered, her eyes still closed and a tear falling down the side of her cheek, "Fuck." 

Settling down next to her, resting on one elbow, you mindlessly traced patterns along her glistening stomach, smirking proudly to yourself. Aftercare had always been a big thing between the two of you, and after what you'd just done, she looked like she needed it. So you stayed that way for a while, laid down together, occasionally sharing innocent kisses and soft smiles until you wound up in each other's arms. JJ lay atop you, her leg becoming a blanket to your waist, her head and breath a chest warmer. 

"When were you going to tell me," JJ asked, and you looked down to see her eyes already on you. 

Moving strands of silky blonde hair behind JJ's ear, you give her a questioning look, "Tell you about what?" 

The question seemed to infuriate her. She shuffled out of your embrace and leaned back against the headboard, giving you a blank stare. "You don't want to go," JJ proudly stated her opinion as fact, arms folded across her chest as a finger steadily taps away at her forearm, "You know you'll get bored sitting behind a desk so much."

Brushing off the fact she had a point and focussing on remaining civil but not coming off as a pushover, you held your ground, "It's a good opportunity, and I'm not not considering taking it," you were silently begging her to understand, your eyebrows knitted together and lip wedged between your teeth.

"Come on, you can't be serious," she humorlessly laughed. The audacity of her tone gave you half a mind to walk out. You didn't, though, because this had to happen at some point, be it now or in a few days. 

"What's left for me here?" you asked, eyes trained on the blonde, your finger under her chin keeping her from looking away and trying to escape. If she wanted you to stay, so desperately as she seemed to, she owed you this, "Give me one good reason I should stay." 

Her lips parted, her jaw moving up and down in small increments. It was like the words she wanted to say were there, but she was fighting to get them out. You gave her time, looking at her with expectant eyes, softening your gaze to encourage whatever was trapped in her bobbing throat, but nothing came. Then her mouth snapped shut as though someone had tugged on an invisible string sewn through pink velvety lips, permanently sealing them. 

The silence became too loud. It sought to engulf you, swallow you up so that all you'd hear was the sound of your own broken heart beating so painfully loud it made your chest ache. Your arms felt limp as you slung them to your side and rolled on your back, staring at the ceiling. It felt cold and bare without the promise of another comforting embrace because somehow you knew there was an unspoken realisation that this was truly the end of something. 

The stinging behind your eyes had made itself known fully, and you couldn't handle JJ seeing you like this. Straightening yourself out with a roll of your shoulder and a lengthy exhale, you stood up, threw on your clothes while ignoring the awkward atmosphere that circulated the room and made your way to the door. Turning back before you exited, you sneered, "I thought so," and slammed the door shut behind you. 

To say the next day was awkward would be an understatement. If the team had noticed the tension between you and JJ, which they most likely had, they used their better judgment to ignore it and focus solely on the case. From the corner of your eye, you noticed their regular stares, but you knew it was their way of ensuring you were okay. Once you caught on, you offered small smiles and brief nods that told them all was well, and you were thankful that that was enough to ease their curiosities. 

It wasn't till much later in the day, when you were packing up to head back to the hotel, did JJ acknowledge your existence, and you weren't having any of it. She approached you as you slung your bag over your shoulder and started walking out with Reid and Emily. Instead of doing the mature thing, which would have been to wait for JJ to catch up and deal with your suffocating predicament, you gave her the cold shoulder, ignoring her presence completely and walking out. 

A faint sigh came from the room you'd just vacated, and you fought against your better judgment to head back to the hotel and put the whole day behind you. It was for the best; you needed time to think, and you still had a looming decision hanging over your head. It was a life-changing decision; you couldn't afford to cloud your mind with a frivolous affair. 

With what comfort a shabby mattress could offer, you settled back, opened your laptop, looked at some apartment listings, checked over the job description a couple more times, and re-read the email, indeed confirming you had been offered the job if you wished to take it. Despite your best efforts, the god-forsaken argument continued to play in your head: JJ's dejected look when she was unable to voice her true feelings, the razor-sharp tone she used to admonish you and most of all, her inability to give you the one thing you needed that would have turned the tables and made your decision for you. 

A knock at your door pulled you from said incessant thoughts. You'd have been grateful for the distraction had you not sensed who would likely be your 'knight in shining armour'. Rising and looking through the peephole confirmed your suspicions, and an involuntary groan slipped free. 

"Real mature," JJ quipped. Taking a deep breath and then staring pleadingly into the peephole where she knew you were standing, she tried again, "Sorry. Please, can we talk?" 

The door fractionally opened, enough for you to slip your head out and huff, "I'm exhausted, and I don't think I have the energy to deal with this now." 

"I'll give you one," she muttered under her breath.

"Give me what?" You huff. 

Opening the door to let her in, already fed up with where this conversation was inevitably headed - which was most likely an argument - you move over to lean against the outdated armchair. 

JJ watched your movements as she shut the door and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, "A reason," she began, looking down at her left hand. You curiously followed her gaze. There on her finger sat an elegant diamond ring, glinting in the lamplight. It was a sickly sight, and the vexing thing was it never used to be. Your stomach lurched, forcing you to avert your gaze to keep yourself from spewing your dinner onto the atrocious carpet. Honestly, it was a mystery that the team wasn't investigating who committed this interior design crime. 

"I don't want you to go. I want you to stay," she took long strides towards you, and you shot your head up to see, in the blink of an eye, JJ was standing tall right above you. Her fingers fidgeted with her engagement ring before she slipped it off and let it fall to the floor. The boldness of the move left you momentarily frozen until you were pulled to your feet by your waist and felt a pair of lips ghosting over yours, "And if you'll have me, I want you."

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[five-bi-five-mind]

Instead

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!reader

Genre: Angst-ish, Hurt & Comfort, Smut

Words: 9.4k+

Summary: JJ had been in love with you from the very moment she met you. The only problem is, you've been with someone else this whole time. Not only that, but he treats you like shit and you keep running back to him. Is there more to it than she knows or do you truly love him the way she wished you loved her?

Warnings: Mentions of stalking, cheating, and unhealthy relationships. Smut, fingering (r receiving), marking (r receiving), top!JJ, bottom!r, smut with a lot of feelings okay

A/N: I was really into this concept and then I really wasn't... but it's finished and now I can move on to other fics. Hope y'all enjoy it though!

(gif not mine, credit to greencways)

This happened way too often, but JJ was there every single time. She knew the signs, knew what was going on. You didn’t have to say a word and she would immediately understand what was going on with you. It was the look in your eyes, even when you smiled. Those eyes always said the opposite of whatever you tried to tell her. Or even what you tried to tell yourself. 

He was always bad for you, from the moment JJ met him, she knew he wasn’t ever going to be what you deserved. And, boy, was she completely right. She lost count of the amount of times she would catch you bawling your eyes out over something stupid he said or did. You’d often try to appear unbothered, but the minute she would approach you and ask if you were okay, you’d utterly fall apart. And every single time, she would open her arms for you to fall into. She would stroke your hair and wipe your tears and tell you all about how he’s not good enough for you and that you deserve someone who would never treat you nearly as bad as he did. There was always the silent sentence she never said, though. The one that ends with something along the lines of someone like me or I would never treat you that way. But she always held her tongue, feeling selfish everytime she was tempted to say it.

Without fail, whenever there was a fight, your horrible boyfriend would come back with some excuse, some way of apologizing, and you’d rip yourself from her arms and fall right back into his. Not that you even knew that JJ wanted you to stay in her arms, but it still hurt like hell every single time. She tried to tell herself for a while that it hurt so much because she knew he would hurt you so much. You were her closest friend, so of course it was just that she cared deeply for you like a friend should. Right? That lie only lasted so long. A year went by and she was stuck with this horrible crushing feeling in her chest. Finally, JJ couldn’t deny it at all anymore. It was incredibly obvious to everyone except for you, it seemed, that she was completely in love with you. 

So then she went through these phases each time you took him back. It would start with the painful feeling of rejection, even if you were completely unaware that you were rejecting her. Then she would get angry. Go, be in love, JJ would think, I don’t care. But that was a complete lie, because she would remember all the times you’d smile at her. Really smile. A smile she swore you’d never give that man. She saw the two of you together, she saw the forced smile you gave him in the rare moments he’d hold your hand, kiss your cheek, and be a semi-decent partner. It’s what confused her the most about this situation. It also, unfortunately, gave her this false sense of hope that maybe you didn’t feel the way you said you felt. 

But then again, why did you fall apart every time he left? Why did you run back into his arms every time he came back? JJ found herself laying awake in bed at night way too often, just mulling over these questions for hours. She didn’t get her answer, but this time… This time was the last straw. 

She knew what was going on within seconds of seeing your face. It was the way your eyes were just slightly puffy and how you’d let out a small sigh before throwing on a forced smile. To your credit, you were really good at selling that smile, but JJ just knew. You walked around the office, your eyes never really focusing on any one thing. Your mind was obviously elsewhere than whatever task was at hand. The team didn’t seem to pay much mind, too busy closing up a case, while you did your own duties alone in your little corner of the BAU. JJ knew exactly what all of this meant and she felt herself get angry this time. It was a new feeling for her; a break in the routine. She usually was just concerned for you and angry at him, but this time it was just the whole situation. 

So, when she got you alone in her office, the back and forth was a little different. It started out the same, though. You did that avoidance thing. The thing where you gave her a pained smile and swore up and down you were fine, while she pursed her lips and crossed her arms. JJ wasn’t buying it at all. She never did.

“Really,” you sighed, “I don’t want to get into it.” 

“Of course you don’t.” JJ rolled her eyes and your own widened. She had never been even remotely snappy with you. “Because it's probably the same shit it always is. God,” she scoffed, “Why do you let him jerk you around like this?” 

You stood there, your eyes filled with disbelief, and you both just stared. If JJ were being honest, she wasn’t proud of that. She was a little shocked all of it came out of her mouth and even more shocked at how harsh her tone was. 

“You don’t get it.” Your tone wasn’t exactly harsh like JJ’s, but she could tell she struck a nerve. 

“What’s there to get?” JJ threw her hands up, obviously letting her frustration boil over. She got this far, might as well keep pushing. Did JJ think it was a good idea? No, maybe not, but she wanted you to finally get a grip on the reality of this relationship. It was clearly not good for you. “He’s not reliable. He doesn't consider your feelings. He clearly hurts you every single time he goes off and fucks up. And god, he has fucked up so often.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Your tone was a warning. “You don’t know everything.” 

“What then?” JJ knew she was pressing. She knew she was pissing you off, but frankly she didn’t care. She couldn’t watch you fall apart again only to go back to the very person who kept mistreating you. She couldn’t handle you choosing him again instead of her. “Jesus, what is his hold on you? Why do you let him treat you like shit? You run back to him every damn time too! It’s— fuck, it’s ridiculous! Why don’t you have more self worth when it comes to him?” 

You definitely did not look pleased right now. Your face was twisted into a tight lipped frown and JJ didn’t think she’s ever seen you look at her like that. Her eyes flicked down to your hands and saw the way they were balled into fists, before looking back up, finally into your eyes. That’s when the anger fled her body and was immediately placed with crushing guilt. Your face told her you were pissed, but your eyes… Always those god damn eyes of yours. They were so expressive and JJ could read them better than anyone. She saw, hidden behind this anger, the pain and, to her confusion, the fear. 

An uncomfortable tension filled the room and finally you took a slow, deep breath. Your eyes closed for a minute and JJ noticed the way your hands squeezed for a second before you relaxed them. When your eyes reopened and met hers, she realized you were trying to calm yourself down. It was like you had that routine down, like it was a factory reset of your own emotions, and she wondered how often you had to do that. Her gut twisted when she realized you needed to because of her. 

“I said I was fine,” you said in the most monotone voice. “So, if you don’t need anything else, I have files I need to get back to.” 

JJ’s jaw clenched as she realized that you, for the first time, were shutting down in front of her— because of her. She gave a short nod and turned her eyes to the floor as you walked right out of her office. 

Fuck, she thought. JJ had fucked up with you. She pushed when you warned her not to and now she has some apologizing to do. Then again, she still was curious about the look in your eyes. What exactly weren’t you telling her? You said she didn’t know everything, so what else was there? Something told JJ whatever it was would just make her even more angry about this whole situation. 

———————————-

This might look bad. That’s what JJ was worried about as she stood in front of your door with a bag full of takeout boxes of your favorite foods. It might look like she was pushing, and she absolutely was. That was her goal anyways. She needed to know whatever it was you weren’t telling her. 

It took a couple of minutes of pacing in front of your door before she finally took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and knocked. Her grip tightened on the bag of food, and she took a few more slow breathes as she waited for you to answer.

Thank god you lived alone. For whatever reason the two of you had never moved in together and as far as she knew, you had no intentions of doing that. That was something at least. That you understood a little that if he treated you so badly when you spent time together, living with him 24/7 would make your situation even worse. 

JJ’s foot tapped on the ground as she waited outside your apartment. She couldn’t hear if you were coming to the door or not, but she knew you were home. When you finally did rip the door open, there was absolutely no surprise in your eyes when you saw that it was her on the other side. Was she really that predictable? JJ fully understood that to everyone else who knew about her feelings for you, it looked like she was some lovesick puppy, following you around until you finally opened your eyes. The fact that you weren’t surprised she was standing at your door stung a little. 

“I came bearing gifts.” JJ held up the bag of food. “And to apologize. Can I come in?”

You didn’t reply, but you didn’t have to. All you did was step out of the way so she could enter and she knew all was forgiven. 

JJ knew your apartment well at this point. There were too many nights she spent just sitting next to you in your living room, sleeping next to you on your bed, taking in everything about your space that felt very you. Of course, all of this time she spent there with you, you were none the wiser about the fact that it made her heart go crazy. How could you know that sharing a bed made her ache to reach out for you? Or know that spending so much time in your personal space felt almost like a domestic bliss JJ so badly wanted to share with you? You had no idea and it tugged at her heart in the most uncomfortable way each time. 

She knew your apartment so well that, as she walked into the kitchen, she didn’t even wait for you to get anything. JJ already started rummaging through your cabinets for plates and your drawers for silverware, knowing exactly where to find them. You just stood back and watched as JJ plated the food, never saying a word. Not a lot of things unsettled JJ, but your silence was always one of them. When you were silent, it meant you were really hurting or stressed. She could imagine, right now you might be feeling both or— she thought back to that look of fear in your eyes— perhaps it meant something worse? Was your mind preoccupied with something scaring you? 

“So…” JJ broke the silence herself, handing you the plate as she spoke. “I stopped by that place you like on 4th street.”

“Thanks,” you mumbled, taking the plate and turning to go to your couch. She followed after you. You owned a dining table. Granted, it was small, but plenty of room for you two and all the food JJ over-ordered. But JJ liked to think you chose to sit on the couch and eat there because of how close you two could be. Hopeful thinking again, she realized that, but damn… she had it bad. 

“Listen,” JJ started as she sat down next to you. “I’m sorry about my outburst today.” She paused for a moment, reading your face. Your expression was neutral, but she knew you were listening and receptive. You were always so kind, too kind for your boyfriend, so she wasn’t worried you would be angry for long. “I just hate seeing when you hurt. And I worry that you’re not okay… That something is really bothering you.”

“I’m fine,” you said in a very unconvincing tone as you absentmindedly pushed your food around on the plate. 

“You say that but…” JJ trailed off and didn’t continue that thought when she saw the warning glance you gave her. She dropped it for a moment, but she was going to bring it back up. Just not yet. 

As you both ate, conversation turned to unimportant things. It was obvious that you were both avoiding the pressing subject— your shitty boyfriend. Or maybe ex-boyfriend if JJ was lucky this time. When you two were done JJ took both your plates without waiting for you to get up and made her way to the kitchen. She was entirely too aware of the way your eyes stayed glued to her as she washed the dishes, dried them, and put them back in their rightful place.

You would do that sometimes. Just stare at her when you thought she wasn’t looking or wasn’t aware. But she always knew. JJ was always aware of you, even if you weren’t aware of her. It was like she had finely tuned herself to notice every little thing about you, whether she meant to or not. She just had to be and at first she didn’t understand why. Then, when she realized it was because she was in love with you, it all made sense. It was blatantly obvious that the man you kept running back to wasn’t taking care of you in the slightest, so JJ did it instead. Deep down, she hoped you would notice; hoped you would understand that she would treat you better than he ever would. But it’s been a year of her pining and your constant heartbreak and still things between you and JJ haven’t changed. 

When she was done with everything she sat down next to you again and, to her relief, you scooted closer. Her eyes studied you and she wondered if now was the time to press again. However, this time she was going to be more gentle. 

“Listen,” she started. “I know it’s a touchy subject, but I really want to talk about-”

“Can we just not please?” Your eyes left hers and she watched the way your body shifted uncomfortably on the couch. At least you didn’t scoot away from her. That was one small relief for JJ. 

“I think we need to.” JJ was trying to keep her tone as gentle as possible this time. Patience, she must have patience with you. Clearly, there were some details she was unaware of. You hinted at as much, anyway. “I just don’t understand why this keeps happening. You do know you deserve far better than him right? That you don’t deserve all the pain he puts you through.”

You nodded slowly, your shoulders slumping as your eyes fell to your fidgeting hands. It was absolutely clear in that moment, to JJ, that you did know you deserved better. A spark of irritation filled her chest, but she tried to take a couple of deep breaths. She didn’t know the full story, she was trying to convince herself that maybe what you said next would be a good reason for why you still stayed.

“It’s complicated, JJ,” you breathed a shaky sigh. “I know he treats me like crap, but there’s a reason I stay. He takes care of me…” 

“Are you sure about that?” JJ’s jaw clenched as she thought of all the times he’d fuck up. “Because it looks like he could care less about your feelings or your wellbeing for that matter.”

“No.”  You shook your head hard. “No, not in that way. It’s…” Your eyes closed tightly and you took another deep breath. It was at that moment that something clicked for JJ. It was a face you made every once in a while when you brought your boyfriend around and he said something stupid. It was a look of shame that had washed over you and whatever irritation JJ had felt a moment ago was replaced with a feeling of worry. “It’s that with him around I feel… protected, I guess.”

“Protected?” JJ’s brows furrowed as she tried to understand. You worked at the BAU, so of course you saw some scary stuff. You weren’t one of the members who would go out in the field, sure, which meant you didn’t have all the training of an agent, but you had the basics. She didn’t think even for a second you’d be afraid of anything coming back on you from the job. It wasn’t like your face was even known to anyone involved in any one of the cases. 

“Not– It’s not from the job,” you quickly corrected, reading exactly where JJ’s confusion was coming from. “I had this boyfriend back in undergrad. Things didn’t exactly end the way he wanted it to.”

JJ felt like her stomach was dropping as she watched you fidget even more. She knew, whatever you were about to say would tie everything together for her, but it still made her feel sick. The idea of you being scared of anyone made her feel unimaginably uncomfortable for you. 

“Ever since, he’s just kind of been around,” you shut your eyes tight for a moment before continuing. “I could move and then, somehow, I’d just bump into him. He would always be there when I met someone new. He just– He hovers. He’s never hurt me, but then again I don’t ever want to let my guard down.” 

“So with your boyfriend then…?” She was still trying to put the pieces together of where your current boyfriend fit in. It didn’t quite make sense that you would leave one shitty guy and then find another.

“My boyfriend scares him. It wasn’t always bad between us, not at the very beginning. He was protective and I felt safe. There was this one time when he caught on that we were being followed– He made this big show of how protective he was. Ever since then, I’ve felt a little less like I need to keep looking over my shoulder.” 

JJ was nodding patiently as you explained. Suddenly, she understood just about everything. It wasn’t that you were so heartbroken that he was treating you so badly, that he would cheat on you, that he would disregard your feelings, it was that he provided something important for you. Something that helped you just exist without having to be terrified all the time. It made sense now to JJ. She knew how important it was to feel safe, to feel protected. It broke her heart that you thought you needed to put up with poor treatment just to be safe. Didn’t you know she could protect you so much better than your boyfriend ever could?

“Why are you just telling me this now?” JJ’s voice was gentle, barely a whisper. She felt like if she were to push anymore you’d break in front of her. 

“I don’t know, I was ashamed. Maybe? But I know you’re tired of seeing me go through the same routine with him. He always does this thing where he’ll run off with someone else and I’ll be scared, but it’s not– I’m not scared of losing him, just of being alone. I was so tired of looking over my shoulder, but when he showed up it was better… He always comes back though. Always.” 

It was like you were trying to convince yourself of that fact. The way you gulped right after you said that, your eyes looking anywhere but at JJ. You knew she could read you, that she could tell when you had doubts or were lying. JJ wondered if you really thought he would come back this time? She knew it might be selfish, after all the things you just told her, but she hoped he never would come back. If he made a show of protecting you to your stalker, then she could make a better one if she needed to.

“And if he doesn’t?” JJ knew this question was going to be a hard one for you to answer, but she needed you to see that he wasn’t the answer to your problem.

“He will.” You said that almost as if it were a bad thing. Or maybe JJ was reading into it.

“You don’t need him to,” JJ urged. Okay, so now maybe she was being a bit more selfish, but she also wanted you to know that even if he didn’t come back you’d be safe. JJ would protect you with her life, she thought you understood that already. Even if you didn’t know what feelings she had for you exactly, she thought you knew how important you were to her in general. “You don’t need his protection.”

You let out a bitter chuckle at that and rolled your eyes. “Yeah, okay,” you snorted. “JJ, I’m not a field agent like you. It’s not that easy for me to protect myself when I’ve only got the bare basics of self-defense down. By the time I have more skill in that, my ex will have already made an appearance or worse.”

“That’s not what I meant.” JJ was trying to give you the most determined look she could give you and you looked back at her, clearly confused. 

Realization dawned on you as you understood what she was implying. “I can’t expect you to always be there.”

“I would.” She didn’t miss a beat. Her tone was almost pleading. “I’d protect you and– I don’t know, I can teach you to protect yourself in the meantime. Just–��� She was getting desperate as she watched the way you shook your head in protest with every word she said. “Please, just let me. Please.” 

“JJ, shh,” you cooed, your arms suddenly coming up to pull her into an embrace. For a moment, JJ felt pathetic. It was her job right now to console you, but here you were holding her and trying to calm her. She didn’t realize how upset she was about this whole situation. She hated that you were allowing yourself to be mistreated just so you could have some sense of protection from another bad relationship of your past. She hated that you felt scared at all, she never wanted you to feel that way. More than anything, she hated that you didn’t think she would protect you, that you even needed your horrible boyfriend in the first place, when she was right here practically screaming choose me, pick me! 

“I’ll be okay,” you murmured, your hand running up and down her back in a way to comfort her. Only, instead it made her heart race. Her arms wrapped around you now, holding you close for a moment. “You don’t need to take this on, okay? I can handle this.”

It wasn’t like that for JJ. It wasn’t a burden for her to take on, it was something she’d do for the rest of her life happily if you let her. It was something that she already was doing, even if you weren’t aware of it. Whether you felt the same as her or not, she would protect you with her life for as long as you would have her around. She had to make you understand that.

So she pulled back a little from the embrace. “It doesn’t have to be like this,” she whispered as her eyes searched yours. You looked back at her with a soft, wistful gaze, but you let her continue. “Let me be here for you instead…” She trailed off and started to lean in. It was now or never, and her eyes closed just as yours widened. But still, you didn’t move, you didn’t pull away, clearly knowing exactly what JJ’s intentions were. Instead, you held perfectly still until finally, for the first time, JJ’s lips met yours.

The kiss was gentle and earth shattering all at the same time. JJ was scared you’d pull away, but you didn’t. Instead, your lips parted for a brief moment, a slow exhale fell from your lips onto hers and she shuttered. She expected you to pull back, but instead you waited and she kissed you again. When she kissed you this time, you instantly melted into her. It was like every nerve ending in JJ had finally woken up. The moment she had waited for so long was happening and it was better than she ever imagined it to be. 

Her hands tightened around your waist and the small sound you let out, as you were pressed closer to her chest, made her heart skip a beat. Your hands were holding onto her for dear life. She could feel a slight tremble from your body, but when she thought she should pull away, you kissed her harder. 

One of JJ’s hands left your waist, only to reach up and cup your cheek. You had never been kissed so lovingly, so deeply in your entire life. JJ, on her part, was trying to pour every ounce of love she’s ever had for you into the way she was kissing you. It was intoxicating for both of you. For a moment, everything melted away. There was no tension between you two, there was no shitty boyfriend that JJ was desperate to get you away from, there were no unspoken feelings that plagued JJ’s mind every waking minute. There was only you and her and this moment. A moment that meant everything to JJ. 

But it was fleeting. Maybe JJ had pushed it a little too much. One second she was brushing her tongue lightly along your bottom lip, a small gasp escaping from you as she did. The next, you were pushing her back and she was blinking at you in confusion over the abrupt change. 

“What are you doing?” You said breathlessly. Your eyes were shining and JJ realized they were rimmed with tears that had yet to fall. JJ was kicking herself. Obviously, she had rushed this way too much. 

“I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t have–” 

“I don’t need you to do this, JJ,” you interrupted. “You don’t have to. Just because I’m scared of being alone doesn’t mean– you don’t have to make this sacrifice just so I can feel safe.”

“What?” JJ was trying as hard as she could to understand what you meant. Sacrifice what? Her own safety? Surely, that couldn’t be what you meant. JJ’s own job put her safety at risk constantly, so you had to understand that she wasn’t worried about that when it came to being with you. She would be safe and she’d keep you safe, it wasn’t a problem. So what were you talking about?

“I don’t want you to think you have to be with me in order to fix all my problems. That’s not fair to you. Or to us.” You were squeezing your eyes shut so tight as you spoke and JJ realized the hands still pressed to her shoulders were trembling even harder now. 

“I don’t think that,” JJ put her hands over yours, trying to calm you. She was starting to understand now and her heart ached for you yet again. Of course, you’re so used to being treated badly that you didn’t even realize how genuine JJ was trying to be. “Just…” she let go of one of your hands to brush away a tear that had fallen down your cheek, “be with me instead.”

“Oh.” That was all you said. Things were clicking for you now too. The word instead rang through your ears and suddenly it all made sense. “Oh,” you repeated, this time with more shock in your voice. JJ was putting it all out there for you now and nerves were getting the best of her. But what would it look like if she backed out now? If she couldn’t handle the fear of being vulnerable in front of you, how could she show you that she could protect you from the things you feared most? 

“JJ,” your voice was barely above a whisper, “Have you always had feelings for me?”

She swallowed hard. It was a question she knew was coming, but still, that didn’t make this moment any easier. If she was going to put herself out there, then she might as well bare it all. Yet, words escaped her. Her heart pounded in her chest so loud, she could hear its beat ringing through her ears. All she could manage was a nod. 

You sat back a little and it looked like you got the wind kicked out of you. It was very clear to JJ now that you really had absolutely no clue about how she felt. In all fairness, that wasn’t a surprise for JJ. She was probably a little too good at keeping a poker face around you, even if she didn’t mean to. Although, with you, for so long she was terrified of you finding her out and losing you all together. She warred with herself for so long on telling you about her feelings, but the idea of ruining your friendship and losing you forever felt worse than never having you in the way that she wanted. But here it all was, out in the open. 

“For how long?” Your question wasn’t harsh, just genuinely confused. 

“I don’t know,” JJ admitted. “Maybe they’ve always been here. It took me a while to realize it, but then you…” She didn’t need to continue for you to understand. There was always your boyfriend, so JJ thought there was never a good time. It was your turn for your heart to break for her. All the instances where you’d question her actions, her looks that she shot your way, all of it hit you. The realization was shocking in some ways, but made complete sense in others. And, for the first time, you realized just how much it pained her to watch you stay with someone who treated you with very little disregard. You thought back now to all the times you had run back into his arms and all the times she was just forced to watch. The hurt that must’ve caused her, you couldn’t even begin to imagine. 

“I had no idea,” you mumbled. But then again, maybe you did? In the entire time you knew her, she had one relationship. It was a relationship she was already in when the two of you met, and it lasted maybe three or four months after you’d gotten to know each other. When it ended, JJ didn’t say much about why, just that it was for the best. Now you understood; it was because of you. “Or… I think I didn’t. I– I don’t really know either.”

JJ’s eyes stayed on you. She could tell you were going in circles in your own mind, trying to better understand this new development. Guilt was washing over her as she realized she’d put something complicated onto you, on top of all the other complicated factors you had just told her you were juggling. The kiss was a mistake. JJ knew the timing was horrible, but would she take it back? Absolutely not. Not even when you were looking at her in a way that told her she was about to get her heart ripped out. Her whole body tensed as she waited for the rejection she thought was coming, but still you just… sat there and stared. 

You kept opening your mouth for a second, seeming like you had something to say, but then backing out a moment later. JJ knew whatever you were going to say wasn’t going to be easy for either of you, but she also knew you definitely had something you wanted to get out. She didn’t say anything in response to you, she just kept waiting for you to resume talking. Part of her hoped that whatever you said, it would be a good thing. Another part of her, a bigger part, worried that you were struggling so much because you were trying to tell her she made you uncomfortable and you didn’t quite know how to best reject her. Little did you know, it didn’t matter how hard you were going to reject her. JJ was going to stay by your side. Now more than ever, she understood how important that was for you. 

Still, the silence was getting deafening for JJ. You stopped trying to talk and just looked down at your lap. JJ was about to finally break it when you did eventually decide to look back up at her.

“I think,” you began, “Maybe, I need a little time to wrap my head around this.”

JJ nodded hard, her heart thudding in her chest. It wasn’t what she expected you to say. It wasn’t even necessarily a good thing, but it wasn’t a rejection. She’d settle for that. “Of course,” she rapidly replied. “I know, it’s a lot. Today was a lot.” She stood up for a moment, anxiously looking around the room, trying to figure out her next move. “I’ll– I can give you space for the night. I should– Yeah, I should go.”

When your shining eyes looked up at her, it was like JJ’s world stood still. You had such sadness in them, such exhaustion. It was hard for her to see when she knew she caused even the smallest portion of it. You didn’t deserve everything you were dealing with. And to deal with it in silence for so long? It crushed her that you were just telling her all of this now.  

You didn’t say anything for a moment as you stared up at her. Your head nodded the slightest bit, but JJ saw it. “Just for tonight,” you said in the smallest voice. JJ gave you a pained smile, one that she hoped would read to you that she understood completely. 

JJ did as she said and found herself back home in her empty apartment before she could even realize how she managed to get there. The minute she stepped out of your place, all throughout the drive, and even as she laid in bed there was only one thing on her mind. Would things be different if she had known sooner?

She fell asleep with what if scenarios running through her head. Ideas of the two of you being happy somewhere far away from anything you feared. Far away from the shitty boyfriend you thought you had to be stuck with. 

———————————-

JJ wanted to give you all the space she could possibly give you, but it wasn’t that easy. Now that she knew what she knew, it was hard for her to take her eyes off you for even a second. Not that it wasn’t already hard for her to do so without the information she now had, but now there was an extra layer to it. She felt more protective than ever, but she also knew you needed some space from her to process. So, she was constantly internally debating with herself.

You had told her you wanted space just for the night, but then you didn’t really talk to her the next day or the next or even the rest of the week after that. She kept her eye on you still, even if your eyes would never meet hers or you’d shift and squirm when she was near. It was killing her inside. A lot sooner than was probably healthy, a horrible thought popped into JJ’s head that had her spiraling. What if she had messed everything up? What if she ruined her friendship with you because she brought up her feelings?

The kiss kept replaying in JJ’s mind though, and she swore up and down that you kissed her back that night. Yes, you were the one to pull away, but before then, it felt like everything JJ was trying to give, you wanted to reciprocate. Maybe that was just all in JJ’s head, but she really didn’t think so. Then again, maybe she shouldn’t have kissed you at all. Maybe in her mind, everything seemed so different than it actually was. She just kept going on and on spiraling further into this thought process with each passing minute that she hadn’t heard from you.

Finally, after over a week of work, JJ had a day off coming up. Nothing had changed between you and her, you were still very much avoiding her. It was exhausting JJ, how worried she was about your wellbeing, how worried she was about the state of your friendship with her, how  worried in general she was about all of it. JJ didn’t even have a minute to really sit down and take in the fact that it was also hurting her, knowing that she was probably rejected by you and her wishful thinking was just that– wishful thinking. But now she has a day off. A day to process. JJ didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing for her. For one, she got space away from seeing how uncomfortable you were, but then she couldn’t keep an eye on you to make sure you were safe. On the other hand, she could actually sit and think about how she was feeling and how to approach the silence you were giving her. However, she knew the minute she really started to think about it her heart would ache. JJ liked to think she was strong, but even she had her limits. 

So how did she spend her day off then? By wallowing in her apartment and nursing her expected heartbreak ahead of time. At one point she did get dressed to go work out, but she never made it out of her apartment. She just stayed in her clean gym clothes and sat back on the couch, the idea of possibly running into you in the gym (even if she knew you’d probably be busy elsewhere) was too much of a risk. 

When evening came and she finished checking her texts, missed calls, emails, and everything else you might message her on, she decided maybe she should get food. Before she even decided what she wanted to get delivered— there was still no way she was leaving her apartment at this point —she heard a knock on her door. Her eyebrows furrowed, there was no package she was expecting, no conversation with anyone else about coming over, nothing that warranted this knock. 

With an exasperated sigh, she hoisted herself off the couch to go see who it was. It hadn’t been that long since the first knock that she heard another, more frantic tapping at her door. She huffed again, frustrated that whoever was on the other end was both impatient and interrupted her night of self loathing. A third knock came and she was getting a little pissed at this point.

Usually, being an agent at the BAU, she has a strict habit of checking the peephole before swinging a door open to an unexpected guest. But JJ hadn’t really been thinking clearly lately, so why start now when she could tell off the irritating person on the other side? Except, when she swung open the door she utterly froze.

She didn’t expect you to show up tonight, not when you had been actively avoiding her for days. Not to mention, you had never really needed to knock on her door. You had a key and both of you had a habit of just waltzing into each other’s places. So, you were definitely her last guess for who was waiting on the other side.

When JJ’s shocked eyes fell on you, you looked back up at her with the look of a deer caught in the headlights. JJ’s first reaction was to ask you why you seemed so scared if you were the one avoiding her for days and then showing up at her doorstep, but she held her tongue.

“Listen, okay here’s the thing…” you started suddenly. “I thought about the night, about what happened. Okay— so I took longer than I said and I’m sorry about that, but I have a good reason. I think, maybe.” You were rambling. JJ’s eyes were still filled with shock but she still had the sense to step out of the way when you pushed yourself into her apartment. “It’s just that,” you kept talking as you let yourself in, “this isn’t just something you do quickly, you know? I was with him for a while, and you and I… I’ve never connected with someone on the level I have with you. So if there was ever an inkling that I might lose our connection, even if it’s the smallest chance—“

“(Y/N), you would never lose me.” JJ had the sense to butt in with that, but your hand came up immediately after to signal her to stop whatever explanation she was ready to give you. 

“Even then… The idea is terrifying,” you looked back at her with pleading eyes. Her heart sank as she began to realize where this conversation might be going. You were still pacing and she so desperately wanted to stop you and tell you not to worry about it. You didn’t have to say them to her tonight. She didn’t know if she could manage to hear the words you might say, but she didn’t dare move from the doorway. 

“This isn’t coming out how I planned.” You pressed your hands to your eyes for a second and took a deep breath. “But…” you dropped your hands and gave JJ an intense look. “Then I thought about that night and all the other nights I’ve spent with you and I thought about… that kiss.” You both gulped as you said the word. “It was,” you paused, struggling to find the right words. “It was eye opening. It made me realize something…”

JJ was holding her breath. She really wasn’t sure where this conversation was going, but she really was internally begging for you to rip off the bandage. 

You took a deep breath and tried to center yourself for what you wanted to say next. JJ was on edge where she stood, trying not to let you see the way her hands trembled as she waited.

“JJ, I want to be with you.” The words were out there and JJ’s eyes widened the second she took that in.

“What?” It wasn’t that JJ didn’t hear you, it was that she was in a state of mild shock.

“I have feelings for you too. I think I’ve always known how you felt, how I felt even. I just wasn’t sure how to face it…” Your eyes fell to the floor, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than you perhaps ever had been. “But then when you left that night it was all so clear to me.” 

JJ took a few steps towards you, her heart beating like a jackhammer in her chest. “Then why did you ignore me for days?”

“I wasn’t trying to.” You looked back up at her with apologetic eyes. “I said I wanted to do things right and I do. So, I wanted to make sure I put a permanent end to my relationship. All his stuff needed to be out, I needed to tell him that— You know, that this was really it. Which I did, last night. And then it took me all day to figure out what to say to you.” You let out a soft laugh and shook your head. “I had this whole script planned out. I didn’t use any of it. This has to be the messiest way to tell someone you want to be with them.” 

Finally, JJ’s face shifted from shock to a soft smile. She took another step and then another until she was right in front of you. “I think it still worked out well.” 

You took a step towards her and whispered, “yeah?”

“Yeah,” she nodded before reaching for your waist. She leaned in and her lips pressed against yours for the first time since that night. And just like that first time, you melted into it. 

———————————-

When you made up your mind to finally tell her that you wanted to be with her, you had also told yourself that you would do things right, take things slow. However, when your back hit her mattress and you looked down at the foot of the bed to see JJ crawling up your body… Well, that ship had long sailed. Even JJ had a similar thought when you finally admitted that you wanted to be with her, but that idea quickly went out the window the minute she felt your whole body press into hers as she kissed you. Her resolve only broke further the more the two of you pulled at each other’s clothes as you made it to her bedroom.

There was still a part of both of your minds that told you two that maybe things should slow down, but then when you looked at her, pupils blown, a slight blush across your face, that idea left her mind entirely. And when she looked back at you, nothing but adoration in her eyes as her hands ran up and down your half-naked body, any worry about going too fast was erased from yours too. This was JJ after all. It wasn’t like you didn’t know her. You did, you truly knew her. Perhaps deeper than most people can know one another. 

So there you both were. JJ was hovering over your body at this point and you couldn’t stop yourself from taking in the beautiful tone of her bare stomach as she waited above you in nothing but a sports bra. Without even thinking, your hands made their way to her stomach and your nails, ever so softly, raked down her skin. You watched in awe as JJ shivered and her eyes filled with lust; a look entirely new for you to see. 

JJ cupped your chin and dipped her head down. The way she kissed you, slow and deep, had your chest heaving and your heart racing. Your nails dragged across her stomach until they reached around her back and you pressed her down. Now her barely clothed form was pressed against your matching half naked body. Her hand didn’t leave your chin as her tongue traced around your own. You, for the most part, could only grip at her closer as you continued to kiss her. All of these feelings, of her pressed against you, the way she kissed  and touched you, everything was just overwhelming your senses in the best way. Finally, when you felt JJ’s other hand start to brush down your stomach until she pressed the palm of her hand to your bare thigh, did you start to ground yourself in the feeling of her touch. Her fingers gently traced circles on your inner thigh as she kept kissing you, with each passing second getting closer and closer to where you wanted her most. 

JJ pulled back just a little, her lips still barely ghosting over yours. Her fingers were playing with the edge of your panties and you realized she was trying to get your consent. Your heart swelled for the care she was giving you. It was something that might just be considered the bare minimum, but when JJ did it, it showed just how much she respected and felt for you. All of this felt new to you tonight, not just the fact that you were about to be with JJ for the first time in a way that you had never expected before, but everything else about the encounter. Never had you felt someone cherish you as much as she did and that feeling intensified with each little touch.

You gave her a small nod, your arms moving up her back to wrap around her neck and pull her lips back down to meet yours. As you resumed the kiss, you let a small gasp out against her lips the moment you felt her fingertips dip into your panties and brush against your clit.

Her fingers stroked slowly across it once and then twice and you couldn’t stop the small sounds that escaped from you. JJ wanted to take this slow, to soak in every single sound you made and how good you felt, but it wasn’t easy. Part of her wanted to just let go of everything, to let go of the long time she spent bottling things up, but she knew you needed to feel the love and adoration she had for you before she could dive in and finally indulge in what she’s wanted for so long. 

Her fingers started to trace small circles around your clit and her lips left yours to kiss across your jaw. Your eyes were screwed shut again and your hips were moving ever so slightly with the way her fingers were working on your clit. JJ’s eyes were fixated on the way your face looked, flushed and twisted in the pleasure she was giving you. Your lips parted slightly to let out a small whimper and that was when JJ knew she needed to pick up the pace. Her fingers pressed more firmly on your clit and the way they moved against it sped up. Your hips kept moving in time with her hand, trying to get more friction. JJ’s other hand went to your breast, pushing your bra up so that she could have access to your nipples. Her fingers traced around each one as her lips made their way down your neck. Neither of you seemed to notice or care that the way she started nipping and kissing at the skin there was surely going to leave visible marks. 

The feelings she was building up in you was starting to become too much, but you still wanted more. The way she focused on your clit felt amazing, but you wanted to feel her– to really have her. Without hesitation, one of your hands untangled itself from around JJ to reach down and grab her wrist. Both of you were shocked by the bold move, but neither of you minded, when you pushed her hand down further into your panties. JJ knew exactly what you wanted and let her fingers circle your entrance. 

You took a few deep breaths, your hand leaving her wrist to go back to pressing her body closer to yours. JJ’s lips moved down to your chest and the moment you felt her fingers start to push into you, you also felt her take one of your nipples into her mouth.

“Oh!” You did not mean to gasp as loudly as you did, but after that gasp came a moan as you felt JJ’s two fingers sink deeper into you before pulling out almost completely and pushing back in. She wasn’t going fast, but she wasn’t necessarily going slow either. The angle was a little awkward with your lower half still partially clothed, but you desperately wanted her to keep going. Eventually, your legs fell open wider to give her more space and your arms left JJ again only for a moment to frustratingly pull your panties down and kick them off. With those off, and JJ’s fingers back inside you, your head rolled back again. You couldn’t stop the constant, desperate moans and gasps that left your lips. 

JJ, in the meantime, had been busy switching between your breasts, marking up each of them and running her tongue across both nipples. When she started to feel your legs shake, she knew she needed to speed up. Her lips moved back to your neck, kissing over the marks she had left behind previously. Her fingers curled and your nails pressed into her skin. The sting of it didn’t even bother her, she was too lost in this moment with you. You were practically crying out her name with each pump of her fingers inside you. She wasn’t aware of much else other than the way you felt around her fingers. 

“I love you.” Her voice was muffled into your neck, barely above a whisper. “I love you…” she breathed again, her fingers pumping faster inside you while your nails dug harder into her back.

It took a moment for those words to sink in. Words you didn’t expect to hear so soon. Especially not now, not during your first night together like this. But they were out there, whether JJ meant for you to hear or not. 

Your body tensed for just a moment, even if you didn’t mean to. You had hoped JJ wouldn’t notice, but like always she did. Her head pulled back, her fingers slowed to a stop but never pulled out. Immediately when she met your eyes hers filled with panic. Probably because you looked back up at her with shock.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean for–” She started to pull away. “I know this isn’t the best time to say–”

Your hands clenched harder onto her back, trying your best to get her to stop pulling away from you. “I love you too,” you whispered. It wasn’t something you expected to say, but suddenly as you looked up at her, you realized it was the truest feeling you’ve ever had. 

Her eyes searched yours for a moment. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” You nodded hard, your hand pressed to the nape of her neck to encourage her to lean down and kiss you once again. As she did, her fingers resumed from the pace that they had left off. 

One of JJ’s hands came down to your thigh, grabbing it to hook across her waist. Her fingers hit just the right spot deep inside you and you broke the kiss to moan out a breathy, “I love you.” JJ’s pace sped up even more and that was all it seemed like you knew how to say. You kept saying it until finally, finally you came hard on her fingers.

JJ slowed her pace, letting you ride out your orgasm until you finally took a deep breath. Your eyes stayed closed and JJ, ever so slowly, pulled her fingers out of you.

“Wow,” you panted. 

“Yeah,” JJ let out a breathless chuckle. “Wow.” Her hands came up to cup your face again and you pressed a kiss to her palm. 

“I do really love you,” you whispered. “I don’t know how it took me this long to see that…”

She shook her head before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “We’re here now and that’s what matters.”

Your arms pulled JJ tighter into you and you knew she was right. Despite how long it took you to put up with the bad treatment and accept the fact that she was there this whole time, you two were here now. Together and in love. This was just the beginning of it, and you knew that not only were you finally able to feel truly safe, but that feeling would never go. As long as you had JJ, you felt no fear.

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[jiggy-manda]

restriction

jennifer jareau x fem!reader

jj and her girlfriend have to meet her mother, the woman obsessed with numbers and weights and calories

tw: disordered eating

wc: 4.3k

JJ has never had a healthy relationship with food.

Growing up as an athlete, she was always expected to be in tip-top shape, and it didn’t help that her mother was naturally a size two– “Naturally,” as her mom put it.

But JJ knew better.

Maybe her mother wasn’t aware of her own eating patterns, but JJ definitely was. She’d grown up with it. The first time she’d ever had a regular soda was at ten, and her mother nearly had a heart attack when she saw the red can. Roslyn had to be the one to tell her that talking about calories and sugar content to a ten year old wasn’t going to do anything but weaken her relationship with food.

But Roslyn isn’t here anymore.

————

JJ has never been skinny enough.

Even as a varsity soccer player, her mother still found ways to dote on her appearance. Whether she noticed that JJ only ate on the days she had soccer games or not, she didn’t let on. Whether she noticed the shower running after dinner every night or not, she didn’t let on. Even at ten, when JJ was still playing on the smaller field, her mother found ways to correct her. Your stomach is showing through your shirt. Your calves are too fat for those socks. Keep this up and they’re gonna put you on goal.

Roslyn was the only one that understood. She took JJ to get ice cream after her games, even if she lost. She bought ice cream for JJ, and then took it home every single time after JJ started refusing it.

But Roslyn isn’t here anymore.

After Roslyn died, everything spiraled out of control.

Except for JJ’s diet.

Once Roslyn died, JJ started obsessively counting her calories. Her sister was gone, and she was left only with her parents. Her dad was absent most of the time, leaving her in the care of her mother.

Her mother stopped commenting on JJ’s weight and what she consumed.

Instead, these comments were then replaced with compliments.

“Jennifer, darling, your collarbones are absolutely stunning.”

“Jennifer, you’ve been looking amazing lately. I’m not sure what you’re doing, but whatever it is, it’s working.”

“Jennifer… Ros would be so proud of the woman you grew into.”

It made her sick.

Anytime anyone mentioned Ros— her Ros— she felt sick. They didn’t know her. Not like JJ, anyway. They didn’t cry with her at three in the morning; they weren’t there when she had panic attacks in the bathroom. Nobody was there for Roslyn when she was alive, and nobody was there for her when she just couldn’t take it anymore. Nobody but JJ.

Nobody else knew about Roslyn’s girlfriend. Nobody but JJ.

JJ’s mother was never there for Roslyn when she was alive, but she was there at the funeral, playing the grieving mother who was oh so sad and had done absolutely everything she possibly could to save her.

Bullshit.

JJ knew the truth. Her mother had just as much of a part in Roslyn’s suicide as everyone else, if not more. JJ found her mother’s grief almost laughable. She might as well have just done the job herself, with the way she treated Roslyn.

Over the years, JJ only kept in contact with Roslyn’s old girlfriend, Emily.

Roslyn had died when JJ was eleven. Now, almost 23, JJ is almost just as broken as she was more than a decade ago.

Almost.

————

JJ sat down on her bed as she quickly tapped her thumb and middle finger together, an anxious habit she’d picked up from Ros. Today was the anniversary of Ros’s death, and while she’d much rather spend it with her girlfriend, she knew her parents would never allow it.

A movement causing the weight of the bed to shift caught her attention, and she turned as you sat down next to her.

“You doing okay?”

JJ gave you a pointed look.

“Valid.”

You heard her sigh, and you took her hand into yours, tracing the patterns in her palm. “You’re so beautiful,” you whispered.

JJ smiled and covered your hand with hers, a silent sign of appreciation.

“When do we leave?” You asked her.

“Um,” JJ looked down at her phone for a moment. “We have about half an hour.”

“Okay,” you said with a smile. “And, um…” You trailed off, not quite sure how to segue the conversation into what you wanted to discuss.

“She’s not coming, is she?”

Your heart dropped when you saw the disappointment and sadness on her face. “No.”

JJ let out a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling, trying to control her breathing. “Okay. That’s okay,” she said, convincing no one.

You frowned. “JJ… you’re allowed to feel upset.” You put a hand on her shoulder. “Emily is the only current connection you have to her right now, besides your family. And… Emily is the only one who really knew you guys. Both of you. It makes sense that you’re upset, just… try not to blame her too much. It’s… a lot. This time of year. Mom and Dad worry about her, and I do too.”

Blue eyes met yours as JJ lifted her head up to pay more attention.

“She...” You hesitated, not wanting to approach unwarranted territory.

JJ heard the shift in your voice.

It wasn’t just any shift. It was a shift she knew perfectly– the shift of tone where she immediately knew that someone was about to bring up food in front of her.

“Y/N, it’s okay. Just say it,” she said with a sad smile.

“She doesn’t eat,” you said guiltily. “This time of year. Especially today. And I think… I think she’s scared that if she sees you today, she might spiral. And it’s not about you, or your eating habits,” you quickly corrected. “It’s about the situation as a whole, and I just don’t think she can mentally handle it. Not yet.”

You squeezed JJ’s hand, and she returned the gesture, giving you a smile.

“I get it. It’s just… I wish we saw each other more often. I know she’s busy, and I know I’m busy, but I just wish I didn’t have to invite her to the memorial of her dead girlfriend to get her attention.” JJ flinched at the bluntness in her own voice, still sensitive to her sister’s death.

You squeezed her hand again. “I know.” You swept some hair off her shoulder, leaning in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Now,” you started, leaning back and situating yourself comfortably. “Your mother…”

JJ groaned and covered her face with her palms, falling backwards on the bed. “I hate her,” she mumbled.

Adjusting yourself to lean back, you crawled to cuddle into her side and gave a soft kiss to her neck. “I know.” Another kiss. “But we need to figure out a way for you to interact with her that’s not triggering to you.”

JJ looked at you as if you’d just suggested she swim across the pacific.

“Listen, your mom is an asshole who bullied you to the point of an eating disorder. She’s a piece of shit, but she’s your piece of shit, and until we can completely cut her off, we just have to do what we can. Bare minimum. We won’t even stay that long, okay? Two hours, tops.”

JJ gazed up at you, her sad doe eyes breaking your heart. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

She grinned as she sat up to hug you, grateful for the support. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“I love you,” you responded.

Her grip tightened.

————

JJ’s house was big. Not nearly as big as you and Emily’s, but big nonetheless. You’d only ever been there a few times– JJ wasn’t big on bringing people home, and since you both lived together, she didn’t really feel the need to bring you around often.

JJ’s parents didn’t know about you guys, but they didn’t not know. JJ never sat down and told them that she had a girlfriend; she sort of just started bringing you around everywhere and people made assumptions accordingly.

You held onto JJ’s hand as you walked through the hallway, passing the fireplace and living room. Her mother was standing near her father, likely having a silent argument solely through stares. Once JJ’s mother caught sight of the two of you, she immediately made her way over.

“Jennifer! You look amazing, dear.” She rested her hands onto JJ’s shoulder, allowing herself to take a longer look.

JJ’s skin prickled; she could feel the judgment coming off of her mother in heatwaves. She felt as her mother’s eyes traced over every line and curve in her body, and she felt sick at the thought of ever even having curves.

“You know, Jennifer, this dress is actually really beautiful. It hugs your body in just the right way– I can finally see your beautiful hips!”

You felt JJ get stiff next to you, and you gripped her hand just a bit harder, a silent reminder that you, too, heard what she just said. “Thanks, mom.”

The words tasted like bile in her mouth.

“You know, you’ve always been so skinny. And you have such a beautiful figure! I always wondered when you’d grow into it, but it seems like you’re finally filling in! Be careful though,” she added with a smirk, leaning in to wink at her daughter. “You don’t wanna look like all those girls with the fake butts and hips.”

You looked over at JJ, giving her a what the fuck? look. You knew her mom was borderline abusive– that much was true, but it seemed as if she was trying to purposely trigger her. Your mind was racing, and you couldn’t even imagine what was going through your girlfriend’s.

The entire event was extremely uncomfortable and heartbreaking, but thankfully JJ had other family members that wanted to catch up with her. You mostly sat back and listened, trying to digest everything while also keeping an eye on JJ.

The memorial itself went smoothly up until dinner.

You were sitting next to JJ as she ate her pasta when you heard her mom speak up. “Jennifer, are you really gonna eat all that? I mean, pasta, it just– the carbs and the calories.. You’ve been doing so well with watching your food around us. Do you really wanna…” She trailed off for a moment, breaking eye contact with her daughter before frowning. She looked as if she were about to say something more, but shook her head as she decided against it.

You looked over at JJ, and it was as if you could hear the gears turning in her head. She was angry, that much was obvious. But she was also smart, and she needed to play it accordingly. It didn’t stop the whole situation from breaking your heart, though. You could hear the gears turning in her head, but you could also see the tears forming in her eyes.

The blonde sighed, giving in and looking up at her mother. She took the bait. “What, mom?”

Mrs. Jareau guiltily looked at her daughter for a short moment before speaking. “Well, you have gained a little bit of weight recently.”

“What the fuck?”

All heads turned to you, eyes bulging out of their sockets, watching your response. Your eyes widened in fear as you realized what you’d just said in front of your girlfriend’s family. You looked over at JJ, and she had the same expression in her eyes.

JJ scooted her chair out and stood up. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

You quickly scrambled to your feet to follow your girlfriend down the hallway.

“Y/N, you don’t need to come with me,” she said as she walked.

“Yeah, like hell I’m letting you go into that bathroom alone.” A hand on her elbow stopped her in her tracks. “I know what you’re thinking. I know you, and I’m not gonna let it happen.”

JJ just glared at you.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You asked.

The older blonde let out a sigh before grabbing your hand and dragging you into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

She stared at you, willing you to speak. You knew it was common for your girlfriend to shut down during uncomfortable situations. She had trouble speaking, even simply forming words. It was even worse when it came to her eating disorder, because her emotions almost always took over her rational thoughts, preventing her from clearly articulating her feelings. All her energy went into controlling her emotions; there was none left to form words.

You decided to break the silence with something lighter, not wanting to bring up exactly what her mother had said just yet. “JJ, I’m really sorry for what I said. I usually have such a good filter; I don’t know what happened…”

JJ smiled slightly, rubbing a hand up and down your shoulder. “I know. Neither of us were expecting her to say it so explicitly like that; it took us both by surprise.”

JJ always knew how to make you feel better. She was perfect like that.

“But, um..” You danced around on your feet, feeling a bit uncomfortable and out of place, not quite sure on how to lead into your next question. “Are you okay? Because what she said— it’s not okay.”

JJ’s smile faltered. “I’m okay.”

You tilted your head, giving her a warning look. “Really, JJ? I’ve known you for years; you could at least try to make your lies believable.”

The tall blonde frowned and looked down. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” you interrupted her, willing her to meet your eyes. Her head lifted a bit, and you took your chance. “I’m not mad at you. You don’t have to apologize; you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Your eyes trailed across hers as you observed her expressions, admiring the beautiful features that adorned her face. “It’s not your fault.”

JJ’s eye twitched slightly, and your stomach clenched in pain.

“None of this was your fault. What happened to you, to…” You trailed off, not wanting to bring up her sister while she was crying over her mom. Your voice hardened as you locked eyes with her, hoping she wouldn’t look away. “It wasn’t your fault, JJ.”

JJ blinked, looking down as a tear escaped her eyes. “I know.”

Your heart clenched as you listened. That didn’t sound like JJ. Not the JJ you knew. JJ was strong-willed and opinionated; the voice you heard was small and broken.

“But it feels like it is.”

The upset in your stomach was soon replaced with anger, and all you could think about was a ten year old JJ confused as to why she could only have one piece of chocolate per week. Fury, hatred, and rage soon followed, and the feelings festered in your gut, bubbling up and fizzling out every few minutes.

You knew it was only a matter of time before your usually-perfect filter went out the window completely.

You knew it was bound to happen. You just didn’t know when.

“JJ, I need to be completely honest. If we go back out there, I don’t know how much patience I’ll have.” You looked at her cautiously, monitoring her expressions for anything that could give away what she was feeling.

She gave you a small smile and squeezed your hand. “I know. I could see it happening earlier. But Y/N/N, seriously, you’re doing an amazing job. You don’t give yourself enough credit. I know you lost your patience earlier, but that’s a rare occasion.” She squinted her eyes a bit, thinking about what to say. “And this is also a very specific situation, so really, I wouldn’t say your reaction was… unwarranted,” she added. “You’re just protective of me.” She smiled. “And that’s okay.”

You grinned back at her.

“Ready to go back?” You asked as you took her hand.

“Yup,” she sighed, moving away from the counter. “Might as well.”

————

You and JJ hadn’t missed much; it was mainly still just the same group of relatives conversing with each other. Her mother was there, as well, obnoxiously laughing at a joke that seemed way too funny to be told by her father.

The two of you walked over to the living room, taking a seat next to each other on one of the couches and making small talk with some of JJ’s aunts and uncles.

It was interesting to see JJ interact with her family; they were all really sweet, for the most part. It seemed as if her mother was the outlier of the bunch, which both angered and confused you at the same time. You knew people’s filters deteriorated over time as they grew old and cared less about how they were perceived, but it was as if JJ’s mother never had one to begin with.

You were shaken out of your thoughts by a tight grip on your wrist, immediately swiveling your head to see what had happened.

JJ’s face was sheet white as she stared at the woman in front of her; you hadn’t heard what her mother said, but judging by the expression on your girlfriend’s face, it couldn’t have been good. Not that anything her mother said was ever really great, anyways.

“JJ?” You looked at your girlfriend, willing her to reply, but she wouldn’t break her gaze; she stayed staring directly in front of her.

You picked up on her energy fairly quickly; you knew if she tried to move or change her expression she’d likely breakdown, and there was nothing she wanted less than to have her family see her cry.

You stood up quickly, taking hold of JJ’s hand as she turned her gaze towards the ground, likely trying to keep her tears in.

“Jennifer, don’t ignore me.”

Her mother’s voice was warning, as if JJ were a child giving her the silent treatment.

“I can’t do this,” JJ whispered, just loud enough for you to hear.

You squeezed her hand before speaking, turning your gaze to her mother. “We’re leaving,” you said with a tight smile.

Her mother scoffed, looking you up and down as if you were nothing– just one of her daughter’s playthings.

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

Your skin prickled with the insult, and your grip on JJ’s hand grew even tighter. She turned to her daughter once again, willing her to speak. “I asked you a question, Jennifer, and you should really look at your mother when she’s speaking to you.”

You had to fight the urge to scoff at her mother talking about herself in third person; how dramatic could someone be?

JJ’s mother changed her stance to a more relaxed position, tilting her head to the side as she examined her daughter.

“Jennifer, how much do you weigh?”

“What?” The question almost knocked you over, taking you completely off guard.

JJ stiffened next to you and stood up straight, no doubt trying to make herself look thinner in the eyes of her mother. Mrs. Jareau ignored you and continued staring at her daughter, acting as if you weren’t even there.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

That got her attention. She whipped her head around to you, giving you another once-over before clicking her tongue. “Jennifer, wi–”

“No, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Are you so out of touch with reality that you can’t see how much of an asshole you’re being?”

JJ looked over at you with a warning glance, the only acknowledgement that she’d heard you during this entire conversation.

“You think that just because you have issues with food you can just force it on your daughter? She was a child. You didn’t even give her a chance,” you accused, feeling yourself get more and more worked up.

“Y/N,” JJ warned, her voice deep and gravelly, the voice she used when you were speaking out of turn or going out of line.

“Oh, please,” her mother replied. “She doesn’t have issues with food; she has issues with discipline and self control. You think she would look like that if she had ‘issues with food’? Plenty of women are able to control their cravings; I know I can.”

You shook your head in disbelief as she spoke, in utter shock of the cognitive dissonance the woman had.

“And if you’re gonna talk about issues with food, it certainly would not be my daughter. You wanna talk about choices? There are thousands of girls with food issues; my daughter is not one of them. Those girls never even had a chance, but Jennifer did. She chose to be selfish over being healthy; there’s nothing wrong with pointing it out.”

JJ’s grip on your hand wasn’t even tight anymore; it was loose, as if she had given up, as if it was taking a significant amount of energy to even hold on. You knew she was exhausted, and you knew this was only making it worse.

“Didn’t have a chance? Didn’t have a chance? What the hell would you call JJ’s experience then– a choice? You think she just chose to stop eating out of nowhere? Where the hell do you think she learned it from? It sure wasn’t her friends. Her whole life has been about you; you and your desire to have the perfect daughter. You did that.

So maybe those other girls— Maybe they didn’t have a chance. But your daughter did, and you took that away from her. So while you wallow in your own puddle of self pity, maybe you should reflect on why she started restricting in the first place.”

You took a deep breath, trying to control your thoughts and calm yourself down.

Next thing you knew, an iron hard grip on your wrist was dragging you out the door. “What the hell was that?” JJ’s voice was low and demanding.

You just stared at her as if she’d asked one of the most obvious questions in the world. “What was what? You saw the way she was acting.”

“She was acting like that the entire time, Y/N,” she warned. “I’ve told you multiple times how she is; you’ve met her before. We literally talked earlier today about what to possibly expect from her.”

“JJ, your mom–”

“Right— my mom. Not yours,” JJ interrupted, eyes narrow.

You felt a ball of anxiety in the pit of your stomach.

“I understand that you want to protect me, but this was not the time nor place. And quite frankly, it is not your place to speak on my ‘issues with food.’ You were out of line; you do not get to decide how or why I developed an eating disorder.”

Your heart dropped. She was right.

You bit your lip, looking down as tears formed in your eyes. You knew it wasn’t fair to cry, not right now, but it was becoming increasingly harder to control your emotions. You didn’t like upsetting JJ, and you knew speaking on her eating habits was out of line, especially because her mom had been doing it incessantly for years.

You coughed, trying to hide the hiccup that came with your tears. Clearing your throat, you spoke up. “You’re right. I’m sorry, JJ.”

You were still looking down, too ashamed to meet her eyes.

Next thing you knew, you were being pulled into her chest, engulfed in a hug as she held you close, swaying a bit as she tried to help you calm down. “I love you,” she whispered, keeping you attached to her. “I’m sorry for snapping.” Her voice was soft; it had returned to the usual loving tone she used with you.

You buried your face in her chest, gripping her jacket and holding her close.

“All you were doing was sticking up for me, I know. But baby, my mother is just… You can’t win with her. I know you wanted to help, but really, it wouldn’t have done anything.”

Your heart broke as she spoke those words, because you knew they were true.

“And Y/N, I really do appreciate it. I probably could’ve handled it better; I’m not used to people defending me like that, so it took me off guard.”

You were still wrapped up in her embrace, her hand on your head as she held you and continued to sway back and forth. “Also… I was absolutely terrified because I had no idea how my mom would respond. I’ve never said anything like that to her, so I couldn’t even imagine what would happen if someone she barely knew talked to her like that.”

You sniffled a bit, nodding your head as she explained herself. You pulled away, looking her in the eye for the first time since you’d left. “I really was just trying to help,” you said guiltily.

She gave you a sad smile. “I know, honey.”

You smiled back, reaching for her hand.

“I think it was a good idea we left our stuff in the car,” you said with a slight chuckle. She repeated the sound, taking your hand in hers. “There’s no way I’m going back in there.”

“Yeah, well don’t worry about that because I wouldn’t let you,” she joked, pulling on your hand as she began to walk to the car. “You and that mouth of yours.”

“Hey!” You protested, lightly hitting her on the arm. “I told you my filter could only last so long.”

She snorted, grinning as she walked around to the driver's side.

“You’re silly,” she said as you both took your seats.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you replied. “You love me.”

She grinned at you as she started the ignition. “Yeah, I do.”

——

a/n: hii i hope you guys enjoyed this <3 i wrote this like a year ago but never moved it from ao3 to here.

#jennifer jareau x reader #jj x reader #criminal minds x reader #jennifer jareau fluff #jennifer jareau angst

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

A Mother Always Knows

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.3k

Warnings: angst, being depressed and heartbroken, being cheated on (implicit), being torn down by someone you thought loved you, fluff at the end

Summary: Your life changed six months ago when the one person you were in love with broke your heart--shattered it to pieces. It's been six months since you've smiled or had a happy thought. When you meet JJ, that all might change.

Square Filled: donut (2022) for @cmbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

Six months ago, you were the life of the party. Six months ago, you were very happy. Six months ago, you had been so full of light and love that it gave your family a metaphorical toothache from how sweet you were being. Six months ago seems like a long time because now everything is different.

Now, you spend your days in your room with the curtains closed so that no light shines in. Now, you only get out of bed to go to work. Now, depression has set in ways you never thought depression could go. You don’t eat dinner with your family (if you eat at all), you don’t go out with them anymore, and you spend your time off in bed crying.

Six months ago, your world ended because the girl who you thought was the love of your life shattered your heart to pieces. That woman made you believe you were the best person in the world. She made you believe you had her heart. She allowed you to confide in her, you told her all your deepest secrets and thoughts, and she made you feel safe. Then, six months ago, she took every insecurity you had about yourself and every secret you told her and ripped you to shreds. 

She spread rumors about you based on those insecurities, told your secrets around town, cheated on you, talked shit about you, and broke you down. The worst thing is she never told you why she did it. Did she ever love you? You two were together for a year before she completely turned against you. All that’s been in your head is the question, Why? Why did she do it? Why you?

Your mom and dad are sitting downstairs in the kitchen chatting when your mom hears you leave your room to go to the bathroom. She can hear you sniffling as if you had been crying recently. That’s all you do these days. All you do is cry and it breaks her heart.

“Richard, what are we going to do? How are we going to fix this? She can’t stay up there forever.”

“I don’t know. I wish I had a better answer,” he sighs.

“My baby is hurting and I don’t know how to help her. I mean, we’ve had our fair share of heartbreak but this seems like the worst of the worst. She really loved that girl.”

“We could take her to therapy.”

“No, that’ll only make it worse.” She looks over at the fridge and sees the grocery list taped to the door. “I’ll handle this.”

She gets up and treads carefully up the stairs. You’re already back in your room, in the dark, staring at the wall in shame. She knocks on your door before coming in without waiting for permission.

“Hey,” you sigh.

“Hey, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” All you can do is give her a shrug. She walks across your room to your window and yanks the curtains open. The room floods with natural light and you groan as you hide under the covers. “Come on. Ger up. You’re coming with me to the store.”

“I don’t want to,” you mumble.

“Y/N.” Shit, she even middle-named you. “Honey, it’s been six months.”

“It feels like yesterday,” you softly cry.

“No, no tears.” Your mom immediately sits down at the edge of the bed and pulls the covers back from you. She reaches out and wipes your cheeks. “Honey, I’ve been where you‘ve been. I had my heart broken before. I felt like the world was against me and I didn’t want to leave my bed. I know it hurts. I know it’s hard. I’m not saying it’s going to get better overnight but it will get better. All you need to do is take a step. A baby step. Get out of bed. That’s not so hard, is it?”

“I guess not.”

She helps you out of bed. You look so skinny from not eating as much as you used to. Your mom walks to the window and cracks it open to filter out the air inside the room. Staying cooped up in here isn’t good for you or the air. You don’t get dressed up too fancy to go to the store and opt to wear some sweats and a tank top with your hair pulled up in a messy bun.

“Do I have to go?” you groan as she brings you downstairs.

“Getting some exercise will be good for you. It’s just grocery shopping. I’ll even get you your favorite snack.”

Your mom drags you to the store that is crowded with people trying to do their shopping before the weekend. Your mom immediately goes to the bread aisle where the donuts and other sweets are. If you and your mom have one thing in common, it’s your love for desserts. She picks out a strawberry and chocolate one and holds them up side by side so you can see them.

“Strawberry of chocolate?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh.

“I’ll get both. I know they’ll be gone before tomorrow morning anyway,” she chuckles and puts both boxes in the cart.

She moves onto the first thing on her list while you trudge behind her. Your head is hung low so you’re not looking where you’re going. You knock into a person and reach out to steady yourself so you both don’t fall on your ass.

“I am so sorry.” You look up and see the most gorgeous woman ever. She is skinny, blonde, has blue eyes, and is a bit taller than you. She apologizes at the same time as you but you shake your head before she can say anything more. “No, it’s my fault. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

The woman gives you a small smile and steps around you to continue with her grocery shopping. You stop walking to watch her descend the aisle. She picks up some rye bread and puts it into her cart before looking at her list. Your mom realizes that you’re not behind her and looks over her shoulder to see you staring at the woman. She grins and walks back over to you. She nudges you closer to the woman, and you look at her like she’s crazy.

“What are you doing?”

“Go for it.”

“What? No, let’s just hurry up so I can get back into bed.”

You look back at the woman who has moved further down the aisle. Your mom kind of pushes you away from her to give you forced courage. The sharp movement causes the blonde woman to look at you. She gives you a dazzling smile and your heart flutters with hope. This gives you the confidence to walk up to her since she’s already seen you heading her way.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” she smiles.

“My name is Y/N.”

“JJ.”

“Look, I don’t normally do this. I’m not dressed so cute, either. I think you’re beautiful.”

“Thank you. You look great. So comfy. I wish I could get into a pair of sweats and relax. Is it safe to assume you’re not seeing anyone?”

“Yeah,” you nod shyly.

“Sorry, am I reading this wrong? You don’t seem very comfortable.”

“No, no, it’s not that. I’ve been in a funk recently. I’m usually much more fun.”

“Well, when you come out of it, would you like to get coffee with me or something?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” 

You find yourself smiling at her request, even as she puts her number in your phone. You look back at your mom to see her already smiling at you. This is the first time she’s seen you smile in six months. JJ will be good for you, she just knows it.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

#jennifer jareau #jennifer jareau x reader #jennifer jareau fic #jennifer jareau fanfiction #jennifer jareau fanfic #jennifer jareau fiction #jennifer jareau fan fiction #jennifer jareau fluff #jennifer jareau angst #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #cm fanfiction #cm fic #cm

[bensonsbobblehead]

Maybe a criminal minds oneshot where JJs daughter (basically Henry but a girl instead). Is feeling a lot of anxiety and stress about her moms job not able to sleep, focus at school, maybe she ends up really sick in the hospital? (Kind of like the current storyline they’re doing with Henry?)

Pairings; JJ x Daughter!Reader

content warnings; angst, talks of serials killers, knifes, anxiety, and fears

a/n; my first request I hope I did it well enough! Please lmk what you think!

wc; 1.2k

[masterlist]

Growing up your parents worked beyond hard to keep the world as light and fun for you as possible. It was manageable, they both vowed to never bring their work home. Until someone took your dad and almost killed you. Being so young you really had no clue, you just remember your mom getting into a fight with the woman.

It still showed you the truth, of not just the world but your parents jobs. That they were in danger of losing their lives every-time they stepped out in the field.

You were 17 now with the same fears and anxieties creeping back up. Your mom and dad were all you had and losing them would destroy you. Handling all this by taking extra hours volunteering after school and staying at the dance studio.

It was helpful, getting your mind off things until you heard about the case your mom was working on. Some guy was killing people for really no reason at all but he also hated your moms teams. Every serial killer usually had a vengeance for the BAU.

This one scared you the most, your mom was afraid of “not being able to protect you.” She doesn’t know you heard it but until he was caught your anxiety had gotten worse.

School was becoming increasingly stressful being around everyone. Your anxiety increased even more when you thought about your dad. His job was no better than your moms. He was just closer to home and it still scared you. You were pulled out of your thoughts when your mom called you downstairs.

“Yeah mom?” You asked walking down the stairs with her standing next to her go bag, you knew what it meant, that she either had a case or was heading to the office and would eventually be called on a case.

“I got called into a case” of course “I’m not sure how bad it is but I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She said with the same sympathy that she always had. As if she knew how much her leaving effected you.

“It’s fine mom, I’ll see you after” you walked down giving her a hug almost tearing up. The rest of the day was spent lazily around the house. You did some homework, watched tv, even started a new tv show.

None of it could distract your mind from Franky Brown, the rapist, serial killer that was very angry at the BAU. They are getting closer to cracking the case and he knows. Thanks to one of the late nights when she came home and sat on the phone with Auntie Emily you knew more about the case.

JJ was constantly a target not just cause of the BAU but because she was also a woman. Growing up you remember hearing how she was kidnapped and tortured. You visited her in the hospital not knowing the reason just that she was hurt. Life would be pointless without your mom. She was your best friend and you had to protect her.

“Time for bed baby, your mom will be here later” Will said he planting a kiss on your forehead and heading to the kitchen.

“Goodnight dad” you gathered your homework and headed to your room shutting the door behind you. You got ready for bed, checked all your windows, including the one in your bathroom before heading to your bedroom. After that you quickly grabbed your backpack, grabbing the knife that Amya’s brother gave you last week. He has an entire collection of knives all different sizes and colors, so you may have sweet talked your way into getting one for free.

It wasn’t entirely too big but it was big enough. It was sliver and black and you’ve slept with it every night since you’ve got it. You know it’s ridiculous to think but what if Franky does show up here? You allowed your mind to wonder as you slowly drifted to bed.

You were abruptly awaken by the pictures next to your window fallen. Your heart was pounding and you were so afraid you could barley move. You quickly slid your hand to the knife as the person touched your shoulder.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME” you swung the knife quickly standing up on top of your bed. Pointing the knife toward the figure in the room, attempting to catch your breath.

“Y/N it’s me!” JJ yelled toward you quickly flicking the light on. You were hyperventilating in a corner as you brung your knees to your chest, knife still pointed at your mom.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorr—y” cut off by your sobs,

“I’m going to sit next to you” your mom said as you nodded your head prompting her to sit down. JJ slowly removed the knife but you gripped it tighter avoiding eye contact. Your dad had walked into the room when he heard the commotion. Both your parents had known you were worried more. The tighter hugs and begging them to come home didn’t go unnoticed and this put the cherry on top.

“Your safe baby, I promise, I’m going to take the knife now.” Will spoke up moving closer to you to take the knife away.

You sat in silence with your parents, somewhere in between your dad had taken the knife from you. The concern and worry on their faces didn’t go unnoticed which made you cry harder.

“Sweetie, why did you have a knife under your pillow?” Your mom asked moving a hair behind your ear.

“We’re not upset darling, we don’t don’t want you to hurt yourself in your sleep” Your dad said as he came to sit in front of you.

“Franky Brown” you looked at your mom and bursted into tears, “What if he hurts you or what if he comes here and hurts me—“ you choked on your own sobs.

“Come here” your mom pulled you into a long awaited hug. You squeezed just how you did when you were a little girl, wanting to melt into her. Your mom wasn’t doing so hot either. Her job was important to her but never more important than you.

“I’m sorry I brought this home to you and I’m more sorry we didn’t know.”

“I heard you on the phone with Aunt Emily and I just thought he’d come here next, they have before.” You said honestly, remembering the woman who came here with your dad. The horrible fight you heard your mom in, at the time you were still oblivious to what happened but it happened.

“That’s never going to happen again” will spoke,

“Not if we can help it, I’m sorry I can’t help you feel safe” your mom began to tear up only breaking you more. You hated seeing her sad, you had seen it enough after cases.

That night none of you could get much sleep. Your mom stayed in your room with you as you both were cuddled up together.

“I love you, y/n and I want you to feel safe and never keep this in. I’m here for you. Always.” Kissing your forehead and settling back in. You looked up at her and smiled, “ I know mom.” And you did. At least know you knew now.

#jj x daughter!reader #jennifer jareau x daughter!reader #JJ daughter #jenifer jareau daughter #x daughter!reader #jennifer jareau angst #jennifer jareau x teen!reader #jj x teen!reader #criminal minds reader #criminal minds #jareau reader #jareau!daughter #AskBenTheBob #Criminal minds requests #Jennifer jareau request

[jjsmaybank20]

Uh, hi there may I request: Reader and JJ meet when JJ leaves the team and goes to Afghanistan, they got close during the time JJ was there. Reader then later joins the bau, Tivon Askari abducts both women and tortures reader in front of JJ, to motivate her into giving him the code. (After they've been saved, R is sitting in the back of the ambulance and JJ runs over to her and kisses her.) (Jennifer Jareau X reader.)

All's Fair in Love and Torture

Jennifer Jareau x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and JJ used to be close. When you are both flung into a horrible situation, will you realize that the two of you are soulmates?

Warnings: Reader gets tortured, angst, fluff at the end

Word Count: 2.4k

navigation   criminal minds masterlist

---

“Hey, did you guys hear that we’re getting a new member?” Garcia asked as she walked into the bureau with Prentiss and JJ, their coffees in hand.

Prentiss nodded, “Heard they were a part of the Navy Seals for a while. Joined young. Was in Afghan for a while. About your age, JJ.” 

“Really?” JJ asked. 

Hotch walked out of his office as the rest of the team gathered by their desks, you walked right behind him, his slightly taller figure just barely covering you from the view of the rest of the team.

Hotch cleared his throat before looking at all of them, “I’d like to formally introduce you guys to the newest member of the team, Agent Y/N Y/L/N,” 

You emerged from behind Hotch and you gave all of them an awkward wave. You looked over the team, getting yourself used to the faces you would be working with for the foreseeable future, until your eyes fell onto a pair of familiar blue ones. Her face was neutral and collected, but you could tell by her eyes that she was internally freaking out, just as you were.

You tried to fight off the smile that was forming on your face at the sight of your old flame back in the days of Afghanistan. By the look on her face, you could tell that she hadn’t really told anyone on the team about her time in Afghanistan.

“Lieutenant commander Y/L/N, this is our state department liaison Jennifer Jareau. She will be helping assist us in communication with some of the hostages,” your commander said, introducing the beautiful blonde in front of you.

You stuck out your hand and smiled at her softly, “Y/N Y/L/N,” 

She grabbed your hand, smiling back, “Jennifer Jareau, but you can call me JJ for short,” 

“Well JJ, I like your eyes. They’re very blue, did you know that?” you asked, awkwardly. You internally scolded yourself for saying such a weird thing.

JJ laughed at your awkwardness before nodding, “Yeah, well, I kind of had them my whole life so I think I know that,” 

“Right,” you drew out, mentally face palming yourself harder than before. 

Once the team had introduced themselves individually, you made your way over to JJ. “How have you been?” You asked her. 

“Good, how about you?” She questions. 

“Pretty good, though I have to say I’ve missed you a lot.” You flirt. She shoves your shoulder teasingly, and you laugh lightly, glad and a little surprised that you two fell back into old habits so easily. You quickly sneak a kiss onto her cheek before starting to walk away. 

She shied away from you, blushing. You smiled, happy that you had the same effect on her as always.

Afghanistan wasn’t a good situation to be in. Still, sometimes you were able to forget for a short amount of time about the war that was raging, and appreciate the absolutely beautiful cities and architecture.

This was one of the days where you almost completely forgot that you were in the middle of a war. JJ was standing on the balcony in the city of Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan. The sun was setting behind her as you handed her a glass of wine.

It’s illegal to drink there, but as long as no one saw you called it a win. You guys deserved it anyway. You stood behind her and wrapped your arms around her waist. You hooked your chin onto her shoulder after planting a few soft kisses on her neck and on the side of her face. You could see her cheeks turning red from the affection you were showing her. 

“This is nice,” she mumbled and you hummed in response.

“I agree. You make this whole mission so much more bearable,” you whispered.

---

You don’t know how it all went wrong so fast. One minute you were out with JJ, getting some food for the team, the next you were in a dark room, with your arms extended upwards, hanging from small chains that dangled above the ceiling. You heard the clinking of the chains coming from right next to you. That’s when you knew that you weren’t alone.

“Shit, JJ?! Are you awake?” You worriedly exclaim. 

“Yeah, I am. What happened?” She groans. I know exactly how she feels. Like someone hit me in the head with a pipe combined with the worst hangover ever.

“We were kidnapped, I think. Fuck, that is an insane thing to say out loud.” You realize you are close to panicking, so you try to focus on JJ and keeping her safe. 

Suddenly, a door that you didn’t notice before opens. Two men walk out. “Alright ladies, listen up!” The bigger man shouts. He was a muscular man, clearly the one in charge.

“Oh my god. I remember you! You’re the translator who shot up a convoy and was declared a traitor!” You exclaim, taking note of JJ wincing.

“Tivon Askari. You fucking asshole. What do you want?” JJ spat at him. 

 “We need information about the BAU and you’re gonna give it to us.” He smiled evilly. 

JJ shook her head, “You’re not getting anything. We won't speak!”

Askari just continued to creepily grin. “See I figured you were gonna say that. We’ve done a lot of research, Agent Jareau, about your lives and everyone else’s lives in the BAU. So getting the both of you was our plan all along.”

Askari was a lot smarter than most of the unsubs who kidnapped people that you have dealt with in the past. He looked like both the brain and the brawn and somehow, this younger guy was dragged into it.

“The question is: who’s the bigger hero? And who’s gonna sit by idly and watch the hero die?” he asked and another deep, sinister smile formed onto his face.

Fear shot through your veins and you immediately looked at JJ. She had her savior face on and she looked ready to sacrifice herself to save you.

“We’re gonna be here all day if I have the two of you choose, so I’ll just pick for you.'' He started pointing his finger, moving it left and right, “Eenie meenie minee moe. Catch a tiger by the toe, if it hollers let it go,” he continued on with the childish game until his finger finally landed on the blonde beauty next to you.

But you immediately spoke up, “No! No! Hurt me, please!” you begged.

A malicious grin formed on his face, “I knew you were going to say that.”

You were surrounded with no one to help you. Nowhere to go, you couldn’t leave your ex-lover behind.

“I love you, JJ. I never stopped loving you, even when you left Afghanistan and me.” you said, as Askari and the other man pull out various devices of torture.

Blam!

His knuckle hit you square in the stomach. You let out a soft groan.

JJ winced, and started tearing up, hating seeing her ex-lover and the person she was still in love with in pain.

“Alright Jareau, this is what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna ask you the questions I need answers to and if you don’t answer them Y/N here gets a little punishment. Each time you don’t answer, the worse the punishment gets. Me and my friend here will demonstrate,” he said, gesturing towards the younger boy. “Where do you live?”

“I’m not telling you!” the boy said, trying to sound confident, but you could hear the shakiness in his voice.

And then a fist connected with your nose. You heard a crack and blood began flowing out like a waterfall.

“Just like that!” he said excitedly, “So first question Agent Jareau, what is BAU director Strauss’s address?”

She looked towards you and you shook your head. He wanted to pick all of you off one by one, and you weren’t about to let that happen. “Y/N, if I don’t answer-“

“JJ, no,” you said, sternly.

She let out a deep sigh, “‘No. I-I can’t.”

“First denied question of the night. You know what that means! Time to play: what punishment does Agent Y/L/N get today?!”

He looks behind him on a folded table full of things that could hurt you. JJ looks at you with worry in her eyes and you just shake your head. “You don’t give anything, okay? I’ll be fine. Hotch and the rest of the team, they’ll find us.” you whispered.

Her eyes started to fill with tears, “But what if-what if you die in the process?”

“They’ll come, love. I can take it.”

Askari turned back around with a brass knuckle hanging tightly around his fists. He stepped closer to you and swung. You could feel the metal piercing through your cheek as your head snapped to the side.

Blood was still dripping out of your nose, and now you had the new gash on your face to match it. He just laughed cruelly at the sight of you.

“Okay Jareau, next question: what’s the security code to get into the Quantico office?” she looked at your bloody face, absolutely wrecked that she couldn’t do anything to help you. You gave her another stern head shake, the loss of blood starting to make you light headed.

“I don’t know.” she just managed to get out between sobs.

He let out a sigh, “You know, I really thought you’d cooperate more, with you being in love with her and everything. I guess that means you really don’t love her all that much.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about!” she yelled, his words getting under her skin. One of the biggest rules in any force is to never let the enemy under your skin. Don’t give them that satisfaction. But as JJ watched as blood dripped down your face, she couldn’t think of anything but how much she loved you and how much it hurt her to see you like this. “I love Y/N with every bone, every ounce of my body.”

“Well that’s obviously not enough is it?” he shrugged, “Well more fun for me then.”

It looked like they already picked out what torturing device they wanted to use next. An iron was already heated up on an extension cord from the wall in front of you. The basement turned into one of those twisted rooms from a horror flick.

“A broken nose and a gashed cheek. It can and will get worse from here. All you gotta do is answer one of my questions. Let’s repeat the first one, shall we? Strauss’s address?” she gave you another look and you shook your head again.

You can’t risk someone else getting hurt. Not again. The team and everyone at Quantico doesn’t deserve that. And there were still little glimmers of hope that they were on their way to rescue you.

“I have no idea.” she winced at her words, but you gave her a soft nod.

You braced for the impact, the iron hovering over your skin. 

“Are you sure you don’t have another answer JJ? This is a fairly hot iron.”

You give her another look and she nods, “I’m sure.”

When the iron touches you, the heat feels like cooking in a pan of oil and having it splash on you. You can’t stop yourself from screaming out in pain.

JJ started sobbing even harder at the sounds of you crying and screaming.

“The last and final question Jareau and if you don’t answer it we’re just going to keep repeating the same questions, torturing her more until you finally do.” Askari said, “Jack Hotchner, what school does he go to? Or better yet, your son Henry? Actually just give me the address to all of your homes. We can have loads of fun together then.”

Despite all of the pain you were enduring, this was really something that couldn’t get out. You shook your head and she bit on her bottom lip.

“Come on Agent Jareau, what’s it gonna be?” he asked.

“If I tell you this will you let us go?” she asked and your eyes went wide.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll find you guys eventually. I’ll have your addresses, after all.” he said, nonchalantly.

You shook your head, “JJ don’t listen to him. He’s a liar. He’s not gonna let us go. We can’t put everyone else we love at risk.”

“But Y/N-“ she began to say.

“No ‘but’s’ Jay! I’ll be okay!” you snapped and your eyes were watering at how much pain you were in. You know she wasn’t thinking straight. She wasn’t going to give out any of the addresses, but seeing you injured was all it took for her brain to go haywire.

She turned back to the unsub, who was waiting expectantly at the answer, before she spat, “Go to hell.”

Askari growled before raising up a gun he had concealed and pointing it at you. “Her first.”

Hotch and Morgan burst into the basement.

“Tivon Askari and Michael Hastingsl, you are under arrest. Put your weapons down and your hands in the air.” Hotch ordered and the younger man immediately fell onto the ground.

But of course, the Askari didn’t go down without a fight. He turned and pointed the gun at Hotch with his finger on the trigger. 

Morgan didn’t hesitate to shoot him multiple times. He fell onto the ground in front of you. Morgan immediately went to your aide, pressing pressure on your wounds. Hotch unchained JJ and she immediately ran to your side.

Morgan put your arm over his shoulder and helped you to your feet. JJ got on your other side and they walked you out to the waiting ambulances. 

---

Once you had been patched up, you decided to sit in the back of one of the ambulances. Feeling eyes on you, you looked around, and saw JJ staring. When you smiled at her, she made her way over.

“How are you? Feeling better?” She asked. Instead of answering her questions, you look up at her and inquire, “Did you mean what you said in there? That you love me with every bone in your body?” 

JJ blushed and looked away, but you grabbed her face and tilted it back towards you. “I meant it when I said it. Did you?” 

She nods and whispers, “Yes. Of course I did.” 

That was all you needed before you pulled her down into a passionate kiss. She immediately kissed you back before seating herself on your lap. You tried to deepen the kiss, but you bumped your nose, and winced, causing her to pull back and apologize profusely.

You shut her up with another kiss, this one more loving and sweet. She smiled and had a dazed look on her face.

“I love you, Y/N Y/L/N.”

“I love you, Jennifer Jareau.”

---

Join my taglist!

#Jennifer Jareau x reader #Jennifer Jareau x you #Jennifer Jareau x y/n #Jennifer Jareau fluff #Jennifer Jareau angst

[ceramicbonez]

“but maybe the next life”

#criminal minds #criminalmindsedit #criminal minds angst #emily prentiss #emily prentiss edit #emily prentiss angst #jennifer jareau #jennifer jareau edit #jennifer jareau angst #will lamontagne #will lamontagne edit #will lamontagne angst #willifer #willifer angst #willifer edit #jemily #jemily angst #jemily edit #i’m sorry for this #it always comes back to jemily

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

can i make a request where jennifer jareau and the reader have a very serious discussion and jennifer jareau says something about the reader and the reader gives her the silent treatment and completely ignoring her presence but at the end of the affair the reader does something like risk the life to save one person and jennifer jareau is worried about the reader and they make up

༉‧₊˚. 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 || 𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐣𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐮

― pairing: jennifer jareau x fem plus size!reader

― summary: you would think that after being together for years, you and jj would feel the same about getting married, but it seems as though that's not the case.

― warnings: arguing, implied homophobia, implied fear of homophobia, technically coming out, hurt/comfort, making up.

― wc: 902

⋆ a/n: it seems as though i've just been wanting to write angst lately, and i'm weak for a good wlw fic! but thank you anyway anon for your request!

masterlist | AO3

You and JJ had been together for years, starting from when she first started working at the BAU to now. You understood that she wasn’t very open with her personal relationships, because you knew that the job was her main concern, and it was yours too, but that didn’t stop you from seeing a future with her, to wanting to get married and adopt children, no matter how grueling any of those processes may be.

It was late at night when you brought it up, the two of you getting ready for bed.

“Have you ever thought about getting married?” You piped up from behind her nervously, playing with your fingers. You were in bed while she sat at her vanity, removing her makeup from the day and brushing through her blonde hair that you loved so much. “Occasionally, why?” Her eyes met yours through the mirror. “Well, I’ve been thinking about it… a lot,” You laughed a little to yourself, “And I want to.” She went silent before looking back at herself. “We can’t.” Your eyebrows furrowed, “Why not?” You couldn’t help but ask, a pit of sadness settling deep within your stomach.

“Because it’s too risky.”

“Risky, JJ? It’s- It’s not. If you're worried about what everyone else will say, I- I’m pretty sure no one’s going to judge us, they’re our family. Gay marriage is legal here and…” You were cut off by her. “I don’t want to argue with you about this, not tonight, alright?” You scoffed, throwing the blankets from over your legs as you got up.

“Then when are we going to talk about this? Because we’ve been together for long enough for it to be time to talk about it!” You were growing to become upset, mostly because you felt as though she was treating this conversation as bothersome. “What’s the point of talking about it if I tell you the same thing every time?!” She was becoming agitated too. It was true, you had tried to talk to her about this before, and she had said she wasn’t ready to consider the possibility just yet, and you respected that, but it’s been a significant amount of time since then and it was clawing at the back of your brain like an itch you couldn’t scratch.

“Then you’re right, there isn’t a point to any of this.” You grabbed your pillow off the bed. “Where are you going?” She asked in confusion but partially in concern. “I’m sleeping on the couch tonight. I can’t- I can’t be around you right now.” Your heart broke when she didn’t fight for you to stay, which was a selfish thought you must admit.

You guys haven’t been able to talk about it since then.

It wasn’t every day that you could say that someone could say that they’ve been held at gunpoint, especially at the hands of a very erratic unsub. It was between Spencer or you, the man practically playing a game. You shared a look with Spencer, one that said you were about to do something that was impulsive and stupid. Swallowing your nerves, you charged at the unsub, his gun going off as you tackled him to the ground. It pierced your bulletproof chest, knocking the air out of your lungs as you wrestled with the man, but backup was quick to arrive and pull him off you.

As you sat on the steps of the ambulance, you were assisted in taking the vest off, a hiss falling from your lips. You could tell that the bullet left a bruise. What you weren’t prepared for was a very concerned JJ, storming up to you and pulling you into your arms the best of her abilities.

“JJ?” You asked softly, wrapping your arms around her back. “I can’t believe you did that.” You heard her mumble against your hair. “Well, if I hadn’t, I was pretty sure Spencer was going to get hurt. I rather it be me than it be him.” She just sighed, pulling away from you but leaving her hand on the side of your face. Her pda made you nervous, but you were sure by now that the rest of the team had picked up on what was going on quickly. “I hate that you did that, but I would have done it too, so I can’t be too mad at you.” For the first time since your fight, she smiled at you.

“I’m sorry, for how the other night went. It was insensitive of me, and I should’ve tried to hear you out but… I’m scared, scared of losing you, and I thought that maybe if we didn’t get married or if I didn’t even think about it, it would make the impact hurt less; but after what happened today, I would say that it was a stupid thought.” You rested your hand on top of the one holding you, brushing your thumb against it comfortingly. “It’s okay, I wasn’t being very considerate either. It’s just- I love you so much, and I can’t imagine not having you next to me for the rest of my life, but if just being your girlfriend is what you can handle then… then I’m okay with that.”

“I love you too, and marriage isn’t completely off the table, I think we’ll be a bit more level-headed about it this time.”

You nodded, “I do too.”

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @their-love @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective

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[dungeons-are-too-cold]

could u plz write a jj x reader angst where reader is caught in a building with a bomb and jj finds them afterwards + hospital moment. it can end angsty or happy, ur call. thankssss

Request for @melatonindaydreamz: I gave you a little bit of an angsty and happy ending cuz i couldn't decide lol. i hope you like it! Warnings: explosions, mentions of disability discussed in a not quite positive light by the disabled person word count: 1.6k (I got carried away lol)

The warehouse was huge and definitely needed more than two people to case it, but the rest of the team was on site all the way across town, leaving just you and JJ for the take down. The clock was ticking for sure. The unsub, a teenage girl from the local high school, had been on a spree but suddenly disappeared leaving the trail completely cold. The warehouse was the first hit Garcia had in the last three days, and there was no time to lose.

“If you’ve got the sweep here, I’m gonna move to the next building,” you said. JJ was one of the most prolific agents, and you knew she could handle sweeping the first building alone, even though she wouldn’t want to. You didn’t want to waste time, anxious to bring in the unsub and get the two of you back home to your apartment in D.C.

“No, there’s no way I’m letting us split up. Last time I split up with someone, Spencer was kidnapped and I just-” You cut off your girlfriend with a kiss, hoping to ease some of her anxiety. Whether she liked it or not, you had to catch this unsub, which meant splitting up.

“I promise that I’ve got this, and I know you do too. Plus, I’m pretty sure I can take down a teenager. If I can take you down in training, a badass federal agent with years of experience, then I’m pretty sure the unsub doesn’t stand a chance.” Luckily, you were able to get a little giggle out of her.

“That was one time, and I let you win.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, baby.”

“I just can’t lose you, Y/n.” You felt the worry in her voice. Placing a kiss on her forehead, you reassured her one last time.

“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried to, JJ,” you said, and with that you headed off into the next building.

The warehouse was set up in a series of buildings one after the other, all connected by hallways. Towards the back of the building, there was one of these hallways leading into the next building over, so you quickly made your way through. On the other side, you could see someone huddled in the far corner blocking something from view. Careful not to alert the figure, you made your way slowly down the side towards the back, using the pallets to disguise you approach.

“Hands up! I’m Agent y/l/n from the FBI, it’s over.” Immediately you regretted splitting up, because the unsub launched herself at you, lacing her hands around your throat. She tackled you into the stack of pallets behind, pain shooting through your spine. The shock of the impact paralyzed you for a moment. You wrestled her to the ground though and gave your speech. As you looked up from where the two of you were on the ground, you could finally see the bomb in the corner. It was a complete surprise.

“Y/n!” JJ shouted as she ran into the room. “I heard the crash, are you okay?”

“You need to get out of here!”

“There’s no way I’m leaving you!”

“JJ! There’s a bomb in the corner! I need you to get out of here. Call Hotch, let him know we need a bomb tech, I’ve got her, just get out of here. Please!” She hesitated for a moment and started to call Hotch.

“I’m calling but I’m not leaving!”

You moved to grab your handcuffs, reading the unsub her rights. That’s when she pulled the explosive trigger out from her pocket. You watched the clock shift from 3 hours to 30 seconds. The surprise let the unsub get the upper hand as she wrestled you again.

JJ started towards you, but you didn’t want her caught up in everything.

“The clock! JJ, we don’t have time!! You need to run. Please go!” You slammed the butt of your gun against the unsubs head, knocking her over. Scrambling to your feet, you took off in a sprint. “I said run!” you screamed again, and JJ finally disappeared through the hallway.

Suddenly, the unsub slammed you to the ground from behind. She was weak, though, so you were able to turn around and fire. The bullet landed in her shoulder and gave you just enough reprieve to get out from under her. However, it was too late.

It was the loudest thing you had ever heard. One second, JJ’s voice was yelling as you crawled towards the hallway, and the next, the only thing your ears could register was the deafening boom of the bomb going off behind you. Everything felt too bright as a hot stinging pain ripped through your whole body. You could barely keep your eyes open as JJ rushed back in.

“Come on, baby, stay with me. Please just keep those pretty little eyes open. I need you to stay with me, alright?” JJ’s voice was having the opposite effect of what she was hoping for though, because you were slowly lulled into sleep by her soft words.

There were voices swimming through the room when you started to wake up. It was definitely a relief to hear something other than explosions and ringing. However, what you were hearing made you nervous.

“I’ll go make that call about your apartment,” said a voice that sounded like Morgan.

“If it’s alright, I’m going to check back in with Garcia. There’s a lot of changes that need to be made, and she can start them before we get back. Let us know when y/n wakes up and we can discuss next steps,” said another voice that sounded similar to Hotch. You were confused about what needed to be discussed.

There was an uncomfortable dull pinching that started to dig into your back more and more as you woke up. You attempted to push yourself up but were too weak to make any progress. There was very little feeling coming from your legs which was confusing.

“Hey, y/n, just lay down okay? Let me get the doctor.”

“Are my legs moving? I can’t feel them.” The look in JJ’s eyes and the tears that she wiped away confirmed your fears were true.

“I’ll get the doctor,” Spencer said from the doorway. “I think the two of you should talk,” and with Spencer now gone, and Emily following him, it was just you and JJ in the room.

“Um, there was a piece of shrapnel that landed in your lower back. The injury is incomplete, you can regain some of your movement, but it’s gonna be a lot of work.” JJ could barely meet your eyes as she told you what happened.

It was heartbreaking news. If you couldn't do fieldwork, would they even keep you in the BAU? Was that the change Hotch had been talking about? And JJ, what was she going to think when she eventually got tired of helping you? Would she still want to be together if you need assistance? Would she even want to help at all? Maybe Morgan was helping her move her things out of your apartment. There was so much going through your head that you didn’t even know where to start. Luckily, JJ started for you.

“While you were asleep, I started looking at new apartments.” So she really was moving.

“Rossi also said we can stay with him as you get used to the wheelchair.” Wait, we? Was she not leaving?

“I don’t know how easy our apartment is going to be to navigate, but Morgan sent one of his contractors over there right now to take measurements and make a plan for any changes. Also, Garcia is already bossing everyone around to get ramps in the bullpen so you can get into my office.” JJ’s laugh at Garcia made the hospital room feel a little less heavy. You were even able to let out a small chuckle, but your ribs still hurt from the explosion. Suddenly, JJ’s words really started to sink in.

“Wait, so I get to stay?” You were shocked. You had mentally started to prepare yourself to be kicked out of the BAU. You were trying to brace yourself for JJ to leave. She just confirmed that neither of those things were going to happen though. “And you still want to stay too? With me?”

“I love you, Y/n. Of course, I’m staying. You are so much more than a field agent and we need you. I need you, baby.  I don’t have a life to live if you’re not in it, and the BAU can’t catch the bad guys without you there.” Gently, JJ covered your face in kisses. You couldn’t help but giggle. It was nice to feel her lips against your face, a major contrast from all of the aching and stinging from your injuries.

“I am so lucky I get to love you, Jennifer Jarreau.”

“Not as lucky as I am, Y/n y/l/n. Now, you can’t fly yet, plus the jet will need to be fitted to accommodate your chair, so I have the honor of driving you back to home. Hotch gave us the next two weeks off so we can take our time.”

“Are you upset?” you said, looking back at Hotch who just returned to the room.

“Yes, but in the sense that I wish you weren’t in this position. You did good work today, Y/n. JJ will make sure you rest up on the way home, and we will discuss when you are back in D.C.”

“Oh I promise, y/n will be doing absolutely nothing.”

“God, I’m gonna hate this,” you groaned.

“And I’m going to love it, because I love you,” JJ shot right back, lacing her hand in yours.

“I love you too, JJ.”

Even though thing would be so different now, you knew that with JJ by your side, everything was going to be okay.

I hope you enjoyed it! It's my first time like taking requests so idk if I like did it justice, but i just hope it's what you were looking for. I had a really fun time writing this son thank you for your request! Send your requests here! Find my masterlist here!

#jj jareau #jennifer jareau #agent jennifer jareau #jj x reader #jennifer jareau x reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #jennifer jareau angst #criminal minds #criminal minds watch through #answers from the dungeon #stories from the dungeon

[pathologicalreid]

buried alive | S.R.

in which the BAU races against the clock to rescue you from a killer team

who? spencer reid x fem!BAU!reader

category: angsty

content warnings: kidnapping, case stuff (murder yk), suffocation, being buried alive, hospitals, blood, nausea, CPR, funerals, use of pet names, guns, and drugs. i think that's all.

word count: 2.9k

a/n: okay, so i've been reading so much spencer fanfic and i started writing it and yesterday i realized i have 20 fics written and they're doing no one any good just sitting on my computer. i decided to finally try posting one. i wrote fanfic in high school (so like seven years ago) but this is my first time writing for a TV show. i've also never really posted on tumblr so please bear with me while i try to figure out formatting. tysm for checking out my post.

part two part three

You walked into the conference room and dropped the file on the table, allowing it to land on the wood with a satisfying splat. “The unsub’s burying them alive,” you said, letting the rest of the team know the conclusion you had come to with the medical examiner. “The M.E. found metal shavings and satin threads under the nails of our last victim. The most common materials to make up a casket.”

“There’s no way someone could bury someone alive in a casket alone, we’ve got to be dealing with a team, at least three people,” Emily concluded, standing in front of the evidence board.

It was the team’s third day on a case in Nebraska, four women had been discovered dead. Asphyxiation by hypoxia. Carbon dioxide poisoning.

“Approximately 420 people in the United States die from accidental carbon dioxide poisoning every year,” Spencer said, grabbing the file off of the table and flipping through it, taking a few seconds to read through it.

Rossi looked over Reid’s shoulder to look at the file, “but there’s nothing accidental about these deaths. Who would have access to these caskets?”

You shook your head, placing a hand on the back of Spencer’s chair, “A funeral director seems most likely.” You looked around at the Omaha field office, different agents running about in an attempt to solve these very murders. “They’d have the most access, write it off as displays. It could be hard to match the materials since they’re so common.”

Hotch leaned over the table and pressed the conference phone, “What can I do you for?” Garcia’s bright voice rang through the speaker.

“Garcia, I need you to look into funeral homes within the comfort zone. Look for a director who’s ordered more caskets than they’ve had funerals. Find anything, nothing is too small.” He told her.

“Absolutely, I’ll hit you back when I’ve got something,” she said, hanging up the phone.

There ended up being four funeral homes in the unsub’s comfort zone, so the team split up. You went with two locals to a family-owned business, Garcia had sent you all of the files you’d need on the location. “It looks like the Varn family has been in the funeral business since the seventeenth century,” you read aloud to the two agents you were in the car with.

“Does it mean they’re more or less likely to be the killers if they’ve been in business for so long?” One of the agents asked you, a younger man named Harrison.

You pursed your lips as you continued to look over the files, “I’m not seeing any glaringly obvious stressors before the murders started, but over the years I’ve learned that’s no reason to write someone off. Psychopaths can be tipped off by the slightest thing. Things none of us would bat an eye at.”

Harrison nodded in the passenger seat, looking over to his partner Jimmy, “You and your guy sure do make an interesting pair.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment, so thank you.” You and Spencer never explicitly stated to the field office that you were dating, but you walked into the precinct this morning holding hands. The agents must have drawn their own conclusions.

The younger officer cleared his throat, “It is a compliment, ma’am. The two of you are very impressive, your whole team is.”

You smiled, “Thank you, Harrison.”

The funeral home was run by a mother and her two sons, you held up your credentials for the mother when you knocked on the door. “Are you Sheila Varn?” You asked her, raising your eyebrows.

“Yes, what’s this about?” She inquired. She didn’t really look the part of a serial killer, a middle-aged woman who was running her family business.

Pocketing your credentials, you spoke, “We’re investigating the recent murders in the area and we were wondering if you had samples of the materials your caskets are made out of. Might we be able to come in?” You asked, adding a charming smile for effect.

Something flashed across her face before she returned your smile, opening the door and welcoming the three of you inside. “Hold on, let me get my boys up here. They’re so much more versed in the goings on of the town than I am,” she said, opening the door and calling for her sons. Felix and Joss came up the stairs from the basement, now they definitely had the physique to load dead women into caskets and bury them alive.

“Why don’t you two men come with me? I’ll get you those samples,” Sheila said, motioning for the agents you were with to follow her. To your horror, they followed her around the corner. “Felix, Joss, show this young lady what you know,” she instructed.

You took a deep breath before you looked up at the two men.

They were tall, maybe Spencer’s height, but they were built like wrestlers. There was no way you could physically subdue them on your own.

You passed out before you even had the chance to pull your gun.

Hotch was in full Unit Chief mode, Spencer watched from the corner of the room as he separated people into groups and gave them specific instructions. JJ and Morgan walked into the precinct, “What’s going on?” JJ asked looking around the room.

“The Varn Family is the team; two agents were found drugged on the side of the road and when we went to the funeral home Y/N was missing. Her badge, gun, and phone were all there, covered in blood,” Spencer said morosely, watching as Hotch finished giving orders and called the rest of the team over.

Your picture was up on the evidence board with the word “missing” written in bold letters beneath it. All of your belongings had been put into evidence for the time being. “Reid?” Hotch said his name, causing his head to snap up. “Are you okay to keep working?”

Spencer nodded affirmatively, “Yes.”

“Good, I need you to estimate how much time we have, I want a clock on these screens,” he ordered.

Morgan turned to Reid, “What do you think she has, kid?”

“The tidal volume for the average adult is point five at rest. That ends up being about six liters per minute. The average casket is approximately 886 liters in total volume and the average volume of the human body is 66 liters, leaving 820 liters to be filled with air for her to breathe. If she’s been gone for half an hour already, I’d estimate she has less than five hours of breathable air left.” Spencer explained, doing all of the math in his head while Emily put a timer on the screen next to the evidence board.

After a moment, Hotch continued, “Rossi, JJ, go back to the funeral home. Tear it apart, there has to be something there we haven’t found yet. The rest of us will split the list of cemeteries in the comfort zone and search them.”

“That’s a lot of ground to cover, we don’t have anything else to go on?” Morgan asked, looking at the list of burial sites he had been handed.

Hotch looked at Spencer, but Spencer stayed silent. “That’s all we have right now,” Hotch responded, “hopefully we’ll come across leads as we go.”

It smelled like a garden around you. The memory reminded you of spring with your mother, tending to the vegetable garden.

The only difference was that instead of the sun beaming down on you, it was pitch black. The space surrounding you was so dark that you weren’t totally sure your eyes were open.

Your head was throbbing just above your right temple, and you observed your surroundings. Slowly, you lifted your arm until it hit a ceiling.

Not a ceiling. A lid. You were in a casket. You pressed one hand to your chest and tried to slow your breathing. Chances were that the casket was already buried beneath the surface of the earth, trying to open it could be catastrophic. You patted the pockets of your jeans, only to find your phone missing, so the team wouldn’t be able to trace the location.

Even if you had it, there likely wouldn’t be service six feet under.

Your team would find you. They had to find you.

They found Spencer, they found Emily, and they would find you.

Spencer shifted in the passenger seat of the SUV, “You know, carbon dioxide poisoning is a rather peaceful way to die.”

“Reid,” Morgan said, turning the vehicle onto the main road, they had just finished scouring over another cemetery with still no sign of you.

He sighed and stared at his hands, “No, it’s good. We see so many people killed in so many different ways that it’s good that she won’t be in pain when she runs out of air.” He tried to convince himself.

Morgan cleared his throat, “We aren’t out of time yet, kid. We can still find her. Y/N’s smart, I’m sure she found a way to make more air or something.”

But they were running out of time, less than an hour remained on the timer set on all of their phones.

They pulled into the next cemetery, “There’s some fresh dirt over there, what are the names on the graves of people who were actually recently buried?”

Spencer starts to recite the names, and the two of them start to comb through the cemetery.

You had done enough research on this case to understand what was going on. The light-headed feeling had started not long ago, but now you felt like you were spinning, despite the knowledge that you were stuck in place.

It was a high. Not unlike the good kids high. Except instead of trying to chase a feeling, you were dying.

The timer went off when they were still scouring graves, shovels in hand. Derek stopped in his tracks, but Spencer kept going.

“Wait,” Spencer called out, reading the name on the card next to the fresh grave he was standing at, he moved to start digging. “Essie Dunbar was a thirty-year-old woman who was mistakenly buried alive in 1915,” he said, digging. “This has to be it.”

Derek called Hotch, putting the call on speakerphone so he could help Spencer dig. “Hotch, we got her, but she’s buried.”

“We’re on our way, Omaha police have one of the brothers in custody,” Hotch told Emily to have an ambulance dispatched.

What Reid knew that Derek didn’t was that it could take four hours to dig a grave by hand. The soil had been overturned, so maybe call it three. Your odds were still negligible. He didn’t stop, he didn’t stop when a caretaker came running at them, and he didn’t stop when Derek told him to get his digging equipment out here now.

Derek flashed his FBI badge to get what they needed. He had to physically pull Spencer back from the grave so the backhoe could dig, only going until there was less than a foot between them and the casket.

Spencer crudely attached a chain to the casket and the caretaker's vehicle. Carefully, the caretaker dragged the white container out of the earth and up a slant they had dug. It was locked shut, “Reid, move,” Derek ordered.

He leaned back and Derek fired at the lock, taking it off and opening the casket. Spencer gasped, there was blood on the side of your head, dried and raked through your hair. He was vaguely aware of Hotch and Emily arriving as they pulled you out of your satin prison. You had no pulse, but you were still warm. Immediately, Spencer started CPR.

“Reid let me do it,” Derek insisted.

What he was trying to say is that he shouldn’t have to be the one to try to save your life.

Morgan repeated himself and Spencer pulled away, allowing the other agent to immediately take over. There was a siren in the background, an ambulance. More people showed up, Spencer heard their voices, but he just kept watching you. CPR was effective if it was done shortly after your heart stopped, and even then, permanent brain damage was likely.

It had been eight minutes since they pulled you out of the ground. Clinically, you were dead for eight minutes before you gasped.

Spencer smoothed your hair back, away from your face, while you desperately tried to catch your breath. You weren’t moving, and Spencer started running through symptoms of hypoxia. His biggest fear was brain damage, that they had done more harm to you in bringing you back than they would have had you died.

The EMTs came running over to where everyone had gathered, dispersing the crowd, and placing an oxygen mask over your face. As they were loading you on the stretcher, you started trying to talk, reaching your arm out to your side. “Wait, what’s she saying?” JJ asked.

“Sometimes it’s hard to talk after CPR,” the male EMT said as they moved you closer to the ambulance. He listened to what you were saying, “It’s not coherent.”

Spencer didn’t move, all of the adrenaline that had been coursing through his body all day was leaving.

Aphasia. They were saying the lack of oxygen to your brain was causing aphasia. “No,” Emily said, realization dawning on her features as she strained to listen to you. You were whispering, rasping the same word over and over again. “She’s saying ‘Spence.’”

He stood quickly and looked at you, sure enough, you were reaching out your hand and whispering, “Spence, Spence.” Your voice no more than a whisper.

Grabbing your hand, Spencer squeezed it, “I’m here,” he answered. “It’s okay, it’s over,” he told you, moving your hair out of your face. Spencer secured your oxygen mask over your face as you tried to take it off, “You have to keep this on, angel.”

To his relief, you squeezed his hand back.

You had been instructed to get some rest, but you couldn’t close your eyes. You asked Spencer to go back to the hotel and change his clothes because he smelled like dirt, and it made you nauseous. Your head had been bandaged, you’d been run through an MRI, and you did an EEG, so far, the only brain damage that had been incurred seemed temporary.

According to the doctors, the nausea and fatigue should wear off, but they hadn’t been able to fully assess if any permanent damage was done. At this point, the worst of your injuries had been caused by being given CPR, resulting in cracked ribs.

Despite your headache, you kept most of the lights on in your hospital room, not quite ready to be left in the darkness again. “Hey,” a voice called from your doorway, Spencer stood, waiting to be invited in. He was wearing different clothes, a button-up with a green cardigan thrown over it, and clean pants. “How are you feeling?”

A nasal cannula slightly restricted your movement, but you were sat up in the hospital bed, “Better than I was, but not perfect.”

He shook his head, walking in and taking a seat next to you, “No one expects you to be perfect right now.” Gently, he reached out and took your hand, skimming the pad of his thumb over your knuckles. “They found the mother and the other son, and all three of them are going to go away for a long time,” he told you, speaking in the kind of hushed, reverent tones that are reserved for hospitals.

You sighed and tilted your head back, “Good,” you maundered. “That’s uh, good,” your voice was barely audible.

“So why do you look so worried?” He asked, leaning in closer to you.

In an attempt to dismiss his concern, you joked, “I think I owe Morgan some sort of life debt now.”

Spencer offered you a soft smile, “The two of you tend to trade those off, I’m sure you’ll find some way to make it up to him.” He inclined his head towards you as if to silently say, So what is it really?

You swallowed thickly, “I’m scared to close my eyes, Spence.”

His shoulders dropped, “oh, Angel,” he breathed. “Is there anything I can do for you?” He asked, looping a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. “Wait, what are you doing?” He asked, watching you as you lifted yourself, so you were on one side of the bed.

Shyly, you patted the new empty half of the bed, inviting him to sit next to you.

He had no choice but to comply, he had the hardest time saying no to you. Leaning the bed back slightly, Spencer kicked off his shoes before he laid down next to you, wrapping an arm around you as you set your cheek on his shoulder.

Your body relaxed into his and you sighed, “Spence?” You murmured.

He pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of your head, “Yes, angel?” He whispered back to you.

“Thanks for coming to save me,” you mumbled, slowly relaxing enough to fall asleep.

Spencer exhaled, “I’m always going to come to save you.”

part two

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #penelope garcia #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid angst #spencer reid hurt/comfort #spencer reid x you #h writes (hypothetically)

[rynbutt]

pierced. pt. 8 | spencer reid.

When you told Spencer you loved him, he didn't know how to react. JJ helped him see what he was missing... but what if he never got to tell you himself?

you can find the other parts on my masterlist.

cw: fem!reader, angst, guns, criminal minds shiii, mentions of murder, being shot, etc.

a/n: re-upload cus i was unhappy with the previous one >:(

You and Spencer had been together for seven months.

Seven months of impromptu late night visits to your apartment when he got back from trips, watching his favourite documentaries while he talked the whole way through them, your surprise visits to the bureau with a box of pastries, seven months of proving to Spencer that he was worth every ounce of happiness he felt. 

Spencer didn’t believe in miracles or signs, but just your pure existence was enough for him to ponder such things. You understood him, you were patient with him and his demanding work, you were kind to him and let him ramble about whatever was on his mind, even if it took him far too long to get to the point. You never got angry with him when he shut down or had a hard time verbally communicating his problems, you were just there and that was enough.

You knew you loved Spencer, it was hard not to. You knew how Spencer felt about the ‘chemical and hormonal reactions of affection’, if anything it made you love him more, how technical and literal he was about virtually everything. You loved him nonetheless and you knew you wanted to tell him, even if you would never hear it back or you would be met with an analysis of why you felt ‘love’ for him. How it was all technically just your vast attraction and affection towards him and the bond you’d created. You’d roll your eyes and tell him you loved him anyway.

“You got your keys?” You called from the bathroom as you combed your hair.

Spencer had slept over once again. He basically lived with you, many of his clothes and books were packed into your cupboards and shelves, some pairs of his shoes sitting in the bottom of the closet next to yours. He even spent time going over case files while you were still at work, making sure to feed Tofu and have dinner ready for you. You had fallen into a domestic routine and you knew how much Spencer liked routine. 

“Yeah, what time will you be home?” Spencer called back from the living room, gathering case files and books into his satchel.

“Maybe five? I have an early finish,” you replied, leaning close to the mirror to comb mascara through your lashes. You heard Spencer’s footsteps nearing as he approached you in your ensuite, pulling the door open to kiss you goodbye.

“Okay, I just have paperwork to do today, maybe we can go out for dinner tonight?” He suggested, leaning his head against the doorframe.

“Sounds perfect, Spence,” you smiled.

“Okay,” he grinned, “I’ll see you tonight. Call me before you leave?”

“Yup, I will,” you turned to look at him. Spencer leaned down to kiss your cheek.

“Okay, angel,” he smiled, turning to leave your bedroom. “Bye!”

“I love you!” you called out, grinning at yourself in the mirror when you heard his footsteps come to an abrupt stop. You knew he hesitated for a moment before the footsteps continued and your apartment door latched closed.

Spencer wasn’t one for proclamations of love, cringing at the scenes in rom coms before over analysing every detail. You would always remind him that it was just a movie, and that it’s nice to tell people you love them. Spencer always dismissed the idea, but you weren’t going to sway on telling him you loved him, you felt like he needed to know that someone loved him and that in a room full of people, he’s the only one you would look for.

You weren’t offended when he didn’t say it back or come running back into the bathroom to confirm what you said. If anything, you expected it. You just wanted him to know how you felt.

Spencer drove in silence, both hands gripping the wheel as he replayed your confession in his head. Sure, his parents had told him they loved him when he was a young kid, but Spencer knew it was because of maternal and paternal instincts. But you. You loved him because you knew him, because you understood him, learned his flaws and loved him anyway. 

He walked into the bullpen in his own little bubble, barely registering that other people had greeted him as he made a beeline for his JJ’s office. Spencer shoved the door open, startling JJ who was on the phone to Will.

“Spencer? What- Hold on,” JJ said.

“Y/N told me she loved me,” Spencer almost yelled, his hands gripping the strap of his satchel.

JJ stared at him for a moment before bringing the phone back to her ear, “Hey, Will. I’ll call you back, okay?” She hung up the phone, turning her attention to Spencer, “...what’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t know! I just- I didn’t expect it, and I’m not sure how I feel or if she’s mad because I didn’t even say it back and I don’t even know if I should say it back-” he rambled, pulling a chair out to sit at JJ’s desk. 

“Do you love her?” JJ asked, eyes narrowing at Spencer who seemed entirely too worked up.

“What?” Spencer asked.

“Do you love her?” JJ repeated. Spencer opened his mouth and JJ held up her hand, knowing he was going to ask an overly analytical question, “When I ask if you love her, I mean do you miss her when she’s not around? Or do you get excited when you see her? Do you look forward to seeing her at the end of the day?”

Spencer stared at her a moment, thinking about it, “I do… But feeling affection toward someone you care about is entirely normal-”

“What you feel is love, Spence,” JJ replied. “It’s probably something new to you but you don’t have to fight it.” “I’m not fighting it,” Spencer retorted, “I’m thinking about it factually-”

“You’re fighting it,” JJ said blankly. “You’re probably afraid to lose her, afraid that it’ll all go wrong somehow just because you say you love her… In my opinion, it’s important to remind the people you hold close that you do love them, before it’s too late to tell them at all.”

Spencer didn’t say anything as he thought about it, his lips forming a tight line.

“Loving her looks like it comes naturally to you,” JJ said honestly.

Spencer spent the rest of the morning thinking about it, thinking about you and how irrational he felt when it came to you. He wanted to make you happy, wanted you to be proud of him. He wouldn’t care if he had no one else as long as he had you. 

The case they were working on was local to the area. Spencer didn’t anticipate working on a case at all, no one did, but after Hotch called them in, they realised they had little time to act. Three women had been abducted over a week, all turning up dead within 24 hours. The most recent victim they were looking for had maybe 12 hours before she would be found the same way.

They worked the case all day, Spencer and Rossi stayed behind to set up a geographical profile while Emily, Hotch and Morgan visited the morgue to establish victimology. It helped Spencer take his mind off the guilt of not returning your confession. He knew he was definitely thinking about it more than you were, it’s the type of person you were. You were honest and you were never ashamed of your feelings, he always wished he could be like that.

By the four hour mark, Spencer and Rossi were sure they had established the UnSub’s comfort zone and with help from Garcia, they had found where he was keeping the last victim.

It all moved so fast from there.

The house was secluded, a large shed in the back and surrounded by mostly forest. Hotch sent JJ, Morgan and Spencer to cover the shed while he stayed back with Rossi and Emily to cover the house. Spencer held his gun close as he rounded the shed, searching for a way in. He suddenly thought of you and he didn’t know why. 

Spencer heard the victim before he saw her. He called for JJ the moment he saw her hunched in the corner, duct tape over her mouth and her wrists and ankles bound. Spencer put his gun away, gently peeling the duct tape from her mouth.

“You’re okay,” Spencer said, peeling the tape from her ankles.

The girl began crying, “thank you,” she hiccuped, tears streaming down her bruised face, “thank you.”

“We found her,” JJ said into her mic, putting her gun away as she helped the girl to her feet. “Where’s the UnSub?”

“I don’t know,” Spencer muttered, wracking his brain.

They walked outside, Spencer helping hold the girl up as she stumbled on her weak legs. Morgan jogged over to them, “Where the hell is he?”

“Help Hotch and Rossi,” JJ suggested.

Spencer frowned as he looked around, “he could very well be watching us-”

Spencer felt the pang against his abdomen before he heard the gunshot. Before he knew it, he was on the ground, a splitting pain surging through his body from his right side. He heard the victim scream, JJ diving to the ground with her. 

His chest felt heavy, like a weight had been dropped on him. He blindly reached his left hand down, feeling the warmth oozing from his abdomen, not the best place to be shot. He lifted his hand, crimson blood covering his skin. His ears were ringing, he couldn’t hear, could barely see. All he could think about was you. You, you, you.

“Spencer!” JJ yelled, crawling to his side, “oh my god.”

“We need an ambulance!” Morgan exclaimed. Two of the local officers escorted the UnSub out of the house in handcuffs. 

Spencer looked up at JJ, her hair hanging down in front of his face, blocking the bright sun, “Can-Can you do me a favour?” His voice was weak, every word hurting his chest as he spoke.

“Just- shit! Hang on a minute!” JJ pressed her hands against the wound, Morgan falling to her side to press his over shirt against the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. 

“Can you tell- Can you please tell Y/N I love her,” Spencer muttered out, breathing heavily.

“You can tell her yourself, kid,” Morgan replied, his hands covered in Spencer’s blood. After that, Spencer felt himself growing more and more tired, his eyes falling closed as JJ and Morgan yelled for him to stay awake. He couldn’t do it, he was so tired, he just needed to shut his eyes. Just for a minute.

You felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders when you told Spencer how you felt. It was always important to you that the people you cared for knew how much you appreciate them, Spencer was no exception. But you knew Spencer probably wouldn’t say it back, at least not right away, and you were okay with that. You were sure he would come around eventually. Eventually was good enough for you.

You sat at your desk for most of the day, only getting up to refill your mug or get on the ass of one of your coworkers who hadn’t submitted their project yet. You hadn’t heard from Spencer all day, which upset you a little given that Spencer was always calling or texting you about something. You understood it probably had something to do with your love confession.

By the time five o’clock had rolled around, you still hadn’t heard from Spencer. So you decided to call him. Your phone rang for a short while before you heard his voicemail, you assumed he was probably still busy with work.

“Hey, Spence. I’m on my way home now… Call me when you can,” you said before hanging up. You leaned against the elevator wall, wondering if maybe you frightened him a little too much.

As if on cue, Penelope’s name blinked across your screen, you answered the call, “Hey Pen-”

She sounded frantic, “Y/N, thank god! Y/N, Spencer’s in the hospital-”

“What?!” You stood bolt upright, your hand death gripping your phone.

“He was shot! We-We were working a case and he was just-”

“Where is he?” You ran as soon as the elevator dinged open, fumbling for your keys in your purse as you ran to the car garage.

“We’re at the hospital, he’s in surgery and I-”

“Send me the address, I’m coming now.”

You weren’t sure how you didn’t get pulled over with how fast you were driving. You couldn’t think straight, all you had on your mind was Spencer. You pulled into the closest car park outside the ER, not even bothering to check if you were supposed to pay or not. 

You bolted inside, your heart in your throat the moment you saw everyone sitting in the waiting room. Hotch was pacing back and forth and Penelope looked like she had been crying. You didn’t even realise it but you had been crying too, hot tears streaming down your face. Penelope saw you first, darting up from her seat to meet you halfway.

“You’re here,” she muttered into your hair, holding you tight.

“W-What happened?” Was all you managed to get out.

“We were tracking an UnSub and we found one of the victims on his property and he just- he shot him. I don’t even-” Penelope let out a deep breath.

“Fuck,” you breathed, feeling as more tears began streaming down your face, ruining your makeup.

“Y/N…” JJ came to hug you, wrapping her arms around your shoulders. You held JJ for a moment as you cried, sniffling into your hand. 

“Where is he?” You asked as JJ pulled away.

“He’s in surgery,” JJ replied, guiding you over to sit down with the rest of the team. You felt numb as you sat down next to Emily, your hands held tight in your lap. JJ was talking to you but you couldn’t hear her, you couldn’t hear anything. Emily rubbed your back, letting you cry softly as she comforted you.

It was hours before you heard anything. You had cried so much that it made you exhausted, falling asleep against Emily. Rossi draped his coat over you, letting you rest until the surgeon came out to the waiting room. Emily gently shook your shoulder and you shot up once you noticed the surgeon.

“He’s okay.”

You felt like the weight of the world lifted off you.

“Can I see him?” You asked. “He’s on a lot of pain medication-”

“Please,” you sounded pained.

“Of course,” the surgeon said, “he might be out of it for a few days, but for now he’s stable.”

One of the nurses guided you to his room as the surgeon briefed the rest of the team on Spencer’s condition. You would ask JJ to give you the details later, all you wanted right now was to see Spencer, hold his hand, just be with him. 

Your heart squeezed when you saw him, cords hanging around him everywhere, an IV in his arm and his eyes closed. He would have looked like he was peacefully asleep if it weren’t for the beeping, the needle in his arm, the sterile smell of the hospital ward and the thin tube under his nose. 

You pulled a chair next to him, sitting down by his bedside and reaching for his hand. His hand was still warm despite the coldness around him. You let out a sigh of relief, bringing his hand to your lips to press a kiss to his knuckle.

No one could get you to move after that. Penelope and Morgan tried to get you to come get food with them, Hotch and Rossi both offered to drive you home so you could get some sleep. You refused. You couldn’t leave him, not now. Not when he needed you.

a/n: i'm a degenerate when it comes to mgg

taglist: @crazycat-ladys-blog @cillsnostalgia @secretly-tumb1r @33-81 @elissanatok @outrunangelss @cultish-corner @666-gothic-bat-666 @evvy96 @littlemarvelstan8 @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @meg-black @dreamsarebig @anuncalledbridge @fioletowelowe @ladylincoln @spencereidsgf420 @bollzinurmouth @scarlettssub @ipseitydelrey @donttrustlove @mcntsee @ruziazyn @valinherfantasyworld @khxna @maybe-not-this @shardsofmarxx @danadinosaur3 @justsarahbella @ah-blossom @lorelaireid @btskzfav @reidsdoll @pinkpantheris @violetvsworld @readergf @pangirl-fangirl @emideadpoets @blackbeautyiloveyouso @feyresqueen

#criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #cm spencer #dr reid #x reader #spencer reid x reader fluff #spencer reid x reader angst #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #penelope garcia #derek morgan #david rossi #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #aaron hotchner

[demonicbaby666]

Can i pls request, Reader and JJ are arguing, Reader confesses her feelings in the heat of the moment, and JJ kisses her. (Jennifer Jareau x reader)

Flirt

One shot | Criminal Minds Masterlist | Masterlists

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!Reader

Genre: fluff and bit of angst

Words: 4k+

Warnings: swearing and that’s about it

Summary: You and Emily flirt. It’s never amounted to anything and you’re more than happy about that because it’s all fun and games. Though everyone on the team seems to enjoy the laughs that come from all the interactions the two of you share, one person has never seemed that amused. JJ.

A/n: I’m not sure if this is the vibe you wanted but I hope you enjoy nevertheless! <3

It’s standard, expected even. Friends flirt, and it’s an unspoken agreement, but very much known, it’s all fun and games. The fact that Morgan and Garcia had subjected the whole department to a workplace seminar on appropriate work etiquette - chocolate thunder is not nearly heard as much these days - made you feel a hell of a lot better about the one-liners you and Emily throw at each other on a daily/hourly basis.

The work-wives dynamic you have going isn’t just fun. In truth, it makes workdays easier. The heavy loads brought on by cases take their toll on everyone, and, it’s fair to say, a laugh never hurts. No one on the team minds, well, almost everyone. Hotch, Morgan, Rossi and even Spencer all laugh along, encouraging nicknames, adopting them at times, but not JJ.

She’s never outwardly said anything. Then again, she never needs to. It doesn’t go unnoticed that she never laughs, smiles, or gets involved in the flirtatious banter you and Emily have. At first, it was easy to push aside and ignore, but after around four months of cheeky remarks from Emily and yourself and six months of working with the team, it’s hard not to pick up on the less-than-subtle eye rolls and disdain.

When the two of you are alone, it’s okay. It’s nice. You’ll joke, and now and then, she’ll throw around a particular comment that’ll make you blush, and it’s something you do in return. It remains a rarity, though. And you’re glad for it. Not because you don’t like JJ in that way. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. When JJ compliments you, you feel it all over your body, and you’re sure she sees it. It’s not nothing, and that’s dangerous in a place where workplace relationships are more of a no-no than a yes-yes.

In the office, no matter how hard you try to avoid her, you always bump into her, sometimes quite literally. The coffee you spilt on her white shirt you can still smell. It’s a fond memory, which is unexpected, but that’s only because the moment JJ looked at you, her lips curled up at the sides, and you’d both burst into fits of laughter before she asked to borrow a top from your go bag, a top you’d yet to get back, you never ask though.

JJ mainly keeps to her office, buried in mountains of paperwork. The few times she ventures out to talk to Hotch or visit Garcia, and you happen to run into her, it usually results in you stammering and sounding like a complete idiot, your words running away from you. It’s astonishing how easy it comes to you with Emily and with JJ, nothing. How it is you have blossoming feelings for JJ and can barely function and would sooner hit Emily over the head with a frying pan than kiss her - though you know she certainly wouldn’t disappoint - and can charm her to your wit's end, you don’t know. You know for sure that it’s inconceivably and utterly torturous.

“Hey, short stack,” Emily calls out when you're in her eye line. She’s carrying what is probably, her third coffee of the morning, if not her fourth or fifth, judging by the pep in her step at 9 am. She drifts towards your desk, wafting memories of laughter through rising steam.

“Where’s mine?” You nod to the mug in her hand and try to avoid yawning.

It’s a joke, and maybe it’s the early morning, or the caffeine has fried her brain, but Emily doesn't register that. She looks down at her coffee, back at you, repeats the process another two times, and then unceremoniously shoves the piping hot brown beverage at you. It spills over the rim, she hisses, and you chuckle. Compassion doesn’t come easy when you’re uncaffeinated and sleep deprived.

“Nuh-uh. That has enough sweetener in it to kill a small child.”

“Good thing you only act like a child then,” she playfully jabs, still holding out the coffee. It’s a generous offer, spur of the moment offer, but generous nonetheless.

Alas, you decline. Dropping your bags and shaking your head from side to side, you let out an amused sigh, “I’ll make my own love.”

The coffee machine isn’t far, and it’s non-negligible that you’re in dire need of caffeine, so you start walking over, assuming Emily is following close behind as usual. “Do we have a case?” you don’t bother turning, knowing she’ll be craning over your shoulder any second.

“Yup.” It’s not Emily, though, “I’ll be coming with you guys on this one.”

Turning slowly, you smile at JJ. With her sudden presence still registering, you don’t even want to think about how forced your smile may appear, even if it is genuine, “It’ll be good to have you around.”

She steps closer to grab a stirrer, and you ignore the tension working its way down your spine.

“It'll be nice to be around.” she smiles, and your knees go weak. There's something about her smile. Big, small, soft, forced, it’s never mattered. Every time your legs become jelly, and your heart beats faster.

It's a mystery how she has this much effect on you after six months. It's like the whole world goes hazy. All that matters is JJ, then before you know it, words aren't wording, and you're not, well, you-ing.

You’re saved by Hotch catching your eye as he darts from his office to the briefing room. He waves a file, and the team makes their way over. You try not to stare at JJ walking in front of you. Her hair’s swaying, and if you don't avert your gaze, she's sure to turn around and catch you. There's a little voice inside you. It's telling you not to look away because if she does turn around, you'll see those eyes again, and your tummy will do that weird flippy thing that you'd only ever admit to yourself you've grown to love.

Pull yourself together! You scream to the insipid voice in your head.

You manage to look away. Appreciate the clarity of not being lovesick for two seconds before Emily swoops in, loops her arm through yours and forcibly skips you both into the room. It gets a chuckle from the team, and you glance at JJ to see she’s already got her head down, looking through the case file. She shuffles in her chair, you can only assume sensing your leering eyes, and without raising her head, she looks at you through her lashes.

There's nothing remarkable about how she looks at you; it’s rather ordinary, which motivates you to sigh and slump down on the nearest seat available. Everyone grabs a case file, and you spend that time contemplating who’s feeling more deflated, you or the indented cushion beneath you that is teetering on the brink of death.

It takes a particular type of subtly and poise to mask your rising self-pity, the likes of which you can only hope you possess. Around the table, everyone is listening to JJ, and you ought to do the same. It’s choosing the lesser of two evils, you either focus on what JJ is saying and risk looking like you’ve just been gut punched, or stare blankly into the space between JJ and the projector and come off as a well-rounded put together human.

The latter worms its way on top, the main victory point being that it’ll result in fewer questions asked. Through the garbling, a few words make sense, it’s enough to piece together, and you’re sure time on the jet will equip you with all you need to know.

“Wheels up in twenty.” That, you register.

You’re standing, then you’re walking, then you’re in an SUV, and someone’s talking next to you or, rather, at you. It’s hard to mind, though. Emily makes good background noise, and she seems to drown out the looming thoughts, leaving you to the blur of people and buildings passing by.

Footsteps soon reach your ears. Rossi’s perfectly polished shoes smack against concrete, then metal, as he ascends the stairs to the jet. You know you should get out; your legs, however, ignore this. Emily pulls the keys out and opens her door. Any second, she’ll pick up on your hesitance, and it’s game over. For the duration of the next two days, knowing her, she’ll be on the lookout for any suspicious activity regarding your behaviour if you don’t start moving.

So you move.

Following Emily, the hairs on your neck tingle, and a shiver runs down your spine, despite the warm spring breeze. The signs point to someone looking at you. Turning, you see JJ and Reid walking behind you, neither looking anywhere in your vicinity. JJ seems suspiciously interested in the jet's exterior. Nothing to call home about, though. In her defence, whenever anyone speaks to Reid, they find it hard not to let their mind wander, no matter how hard they are listening.

Nothing outside of the usual occurs when you get on the jet. You sit across from Emily as she slumps down on the first seat available by the front of the plane. It's not that you don't contemplate sitting anywhere else. Who are you kidding? It's not like you don't consider sitting next to JJ, but with all the awkwardness - self-perceived or very much real - you can't stomach the thought of infringing on her and precipitating another chance for you to make an idiot of yourself.

Chancing a look back at JJ, there's the faintest slither of disappointment that comes with watching her haphazardly throw her bag on the chair next to her. It’s unlike JJ to be so indirectly direct in deterring physical closeness.

It’s twenty minutes into the flight, and you and Emily are at it again. In both of your defences’, it wasn’t unsolicited. On the stand, you’d confidently plead you were rabbit holed into discussing how many times you’d had to pretend to act like a couple to deter leering men away, and on top of that, describe, in detail, how you’d mastered the fine art of always getting away with it. Apparently, small talk isn't a thing anymore.

It's been ten minutes of this, and you need to relieve yourself before the next onslaught of laughter results in a change of trousers. You nudge Emily, let her know you'll be right back and turn to head to the back of the jet.

It seems the new norm; whenever an opportunity to glance at JJ’s appears, you take it. Maybe it’s that you’re only just picking up on the habit, something to think about for the duration of the flight, perhaps.

JJ has scarcely moved, one knee up, head turned, eyes out the window. The bag remains unscathed, sitting idly and just as lonesome as the blonde. It's out of respect, for the booming thoughts going through JJ’s head and the physical presence of an ‘I don’t want company’ sign, you stay on your path. However, when you return, her bag is gone, her knee is down, and her attention draws to the direction of the toilet door closing.

The empty seat is beckoning you, calling to you, and though you have enough willpower to return to your own and pretend you haven’t seen anything, laugh about stupid late drunken nights, you choose to save the willpower for a rainy day and sit next to JJ instead.

“Hey,” it’s light, friendly and casual. Smashed it.

Blonde hair, partially bathed in unfiltered sunlight, glides over toned shoulders, and your stomach lurches. “Hey there,” she says. There’s a smile present that’s timid and, for some reason, making you feel a little uneasy because usually, JJ’s smile reaches her eyes, and this one doesn't. The blue orbs are illuminated only by the balmy glow slithering in through the window, and though they’re still as breathtaking as ever, there’s a sadness in acknowledging what’s not there that you can’t seem to shake. “You okay?”

A few seconds, a full minute? You don’t know how long you’ve been staring.

“Uhhh… ya, sorry,” you stammer over your words. There’s a curious look in her eyes, and her eyebrows knit together, “Tired, that’s all. I must have zoned out a little.”

The fingers lying over her knee twitch, and she inches forwards. There’s a split-second thought that maybe she’ll let them run their wanted course, seeking to provide some comfort by brushing over your arm or leg. They remain in her lap.

She’s touring your face, and it's hard to stay impassive when you’re starting to feel more self-conscious than a preschooler entering the lunch hall for the first time. There may as well be turbulence because your body is acting accordingly. You fidget. The paws of your fingers rub over the lines of your palms.

“Are you sleeping?” She’s settled on staring into the dark expanse of your under-eye circles that are half-hidden under shitty concealer.

The worry in her eyes that continuously search your face for an answer to her question is starting to drive you mad. You shrug and turn, relieved that the sinking in your stomach is less vomit-inducing, “Not really, but I manage,” you mutter, eyes wandering over the coffee pot and idle mug.

Whether she believes you is up for debate. A cold chill runs down your arms, and you can tell she’s still staring. A weight suddenly falls on your thigh. With enough speed to snap your neck, you turn.

It’s on fire. You’re sure that your thigh is about to burst into flames, along with your scorching cheeks. No. Your whole body is on fire because JJ’s smiling at you again, and her eyes have stopped searching for evidence of lack of sleep, and they are brighter, gentler and more compassionate.

“This is prime napping time,” she says suggestively.

“Tempting.” you chuckle, or more accurately choke out, shaking your head and paying attention to her hand now moving in circles. Yes. You’re sure. You are on fire. Scorching burning molten lava is slowly replacing the blood coursing through your veins, and you’re going to die on this plane.

Your eyes aren’t the only pair on JJ’s hand placement. As you lift your gaze, JJ’s flickers up too a moment later. Her smile hasn’t faltered. In fact, it may have even grown wider. But you aren’t sure because, at this point, you’re convinced this is all a hallucination.

Finally, she removes her hand to tap her shoulder, “I’m pretty comfy, you know.”

It’s baiting a child with candy, and it’s working. “Well…” you lower your head to the side, and you rest it on JJ’s shoulder, smiling at how easily and perfectly you fit together, “I’ll test that theory out and get back to you.” The end of the sentence is partially yawned out, sleep already weighing heavy on your eyelids.

Sleep hasn't come easy to you over the last week, and it’s a curious thing to ponder upon that JJ is the answer, yet, also part of the problem. Plaguing your mind with her incomparable beauty and so forth. For now, you were too delirious from waking up from the best nap you’d had in… forever…

It isn't hard to admit that JJ was right, she’s inexplicably comfy, more comfortable than your bed, but the brain fog that accompanies your light sensitivity, forcing your eyes closed again, has rendered you incapable of communicating that intelligently.

“I wish I could sleep on you every night.” you sleepily slur, nodding right back off to sleep.

It’s two seconds for you and twenty-three minutes for everyone else. You wake up, jolting your body upright. The words you’d said are still fresh on your lips.

“I-” turning to JJ, dread starts to set in. She’s got the most shit-eating grin on her face that she’s trying to cover with the palm of her hand, and if you weren’t morbidly embarrassed, you might have considered punching her.

She’s snickering now, her hands thrown up in mock surrender. “Theory proven.”

If looks could kill, she’d be stone-cold by now. The worst part is none of this is necessarily her fault, and you know it. She only tugged at a loose string you easily guided her to. Yes, it was pointed out to her in a state of delirium, but that is on your head.

“Bedhead,” JJ coughs, the sun hitting the side of her face angelically.

Pursing your lips and keeping your accusatory gaze fixated on her, you comb your finger through your hair. “Now you're just trying to get a rise out of me,” you grumble.

“Pfff,” she rolls her eyes, smirks, then looks at the papers scattered across the table, “You’re cute when you’re sleeping. Drool and all.”

She’s so fucking smug that part of you dies as a wicked, treacherous girly smile forces the sides of your lips to twitch. “I'm leaving now.”

You drop down across from Emily. She looks at you with an eyebrow raised, then at Reid and Morgan, thinking they might have some insight.

“I need a new mattress,” you huff before looking out the window for the rest of the fight, leaving Emily more confused than when you’d first sat down.

~~~

“Emily, you already know who you’re with,” Hotch smirks, “You both head to the crime scene.”

“God forbid they’re separated,” Rossi lightheartedly quips.

“Oh god,” Morgan sighs, a second too late to warn you.

Emily’s behind you. Her fingers come to your shoulder and dig in almost painfully, “My precious,�� she says with her best Gollum impression, then hisses because you’ve delivered a swift elbow to her rips.

She relaxes her grip on you, and while everyone laughs at the idiocy displayed, you mockingly pout at her, “Want me to kiss it better?”

She smirks, “Save it for later,” she slaps your arm and starts walking towards the car, “Come on, let’s get going.”

From the passenger seat window, you see the team, and it’s the same old. Everyone’s dispersing, still smiling and relishing in the small break they got from the morbidity of the job, even if it was only for a minute, except, of course, one person. She’s looking off distantly again, fingers thrumming against her thigh, bottom lip between her teeth, and mindlessly nodding at something Hotch says.

Emily hits the gas, JJ becomes a moving blur, and then she’s gone.

About an hour later, you and Emily are walking into the precinct. Everyone’s heads turn as you both walk in, bickering.

“What's happened now?” Reid asks.

You shove your finger in Emily's direction, “She wouldn't let me drive.”

“Because you're a maniac behind the wheel,” Emily tries to reason.

“And you’re a spoilsport,” you grumble, sitting on a free seat between JJ and Morgan.

“I swear, sometimes you're like an old married couple, the two of you,” Garcia remarks over the phone and nods scatter around the room.

“Excuse me,” JJ stands up and leaves abruptly.

There’s a split-second choice to make, compliantly sit back, as you’ve been doing for weeks, or get up and find out what’s going on with JJ.

It takes looking at the team's faces to realise that if you don’t go, someone else will. Maybe it’s selfish. You know you’re probably not the person she wants to see, and deep down, you know she’s angry, and she’ll lash out. But maybe she’ll reveal the truth despite her rage, and that’s motivation enough to get up and chase after her.

“JJ! Wait up!” You call after her, picking up a light jog, your laden footsteps echoing in the small corridor.

She turns a corner and slips out a side door, likely under the assumption you don’t see her. When you open the door, a small side alley comes into view, and then you notice JJ with her back resting against a wall. She looks utterly defeated, but there’s a resting fire there that you see when she looks up at you.

“Hey, what’s going on?” You walk towards her.

Wearing that distant look again, she says, “It’s the case,” it’s so painfully obvious it’s a lie you can’t stop your brow from rising. She notices and rolls her eyes, “What?”

“Oh, come on, JJ. We both know it’s not the case,” you lean against the wall, turning to the side to look at her. She peers out into the alleyway, “You’ve been acting off all week.”

“We don’t have time for this,” she huffs, pushing herself off the wall. She’s probably right, but there’s no point in either of you going back inside when there’s a big chance your minds will dwell on this interaction.

You reach out and wrap your hand around her wrist, “JJ, talk to me.”

“Will you just drop it!” She yells, yanking her arm away.

“What's your problem?!” you’re sure people can hear you from inside, but the heat is rising within you, and JJ’s bringing it out more and more with her pointed glare.

“What the hell is your problem?!” She sneers.

“Really, JJ?”

“Yes.” she crosses her arms and raises her eyebrows expectantly, enough to push you over the tipping point.

“You know what,” you start, stepping forward, “You are! You’re my problem, JJ.”

“Oh.” She drops her arms down, and there’s a flash of hurt flickering over her features that’s not quite settling but not entirely leaving either.

You let out a heavy breath, “That’s not-”

“Forget it.” she steps away, and it’s infuriating because you’re being stripped of the opportunity to explain, and even if you don’t know what you’re going to say, she’s not giving a chance to think.

And now It’s late to stop yourself, the words are coming out without your consent, and there’s nothing left for you to do, “I like you!” you blurt out.

JJ turns on her heels. Her mouth is hanging open, “What?”

“I like you,” you say, this time a little quieter.

It’s a shock that she’s surprised, given that you have been under the impression you’ve been indisputably evident with your affections towards her.

“Honestly, I thought it was obvious.” You channel your inner voice, it’s small and meek, and you’re not pleased with the fragility of your voice, so you lower your gaze to your feet. A small rock takes your interest whilst you wait for the inevitable sound of JJ’s footsteps fading away.

Instead, they grow louder until the small rock is joined by a pair of black boots and a finger presses to your chin, forcing your head up. Then she kisses you.

It’s light, her lips brushing languishingly against yours, willing you to match their slow rhythm. It takes a few seconds, and you’re back in your body. You part your lips, letting the warmth of JJ engulf you. The kiss is slow and passionate. JJ moves her hands to your waist, pulling you closer against her and a sudden hunger grows low in your stomach, promoting you to nibble at her lower lip.

Your hands are on her shoulders, and she’s moving forward where there’s nowhere to go. You’re only aware you’re moving when you feel the cold surface of brick hitting your back.

A groan tumbles from your mouth, and JJ takes the opportunity to plunge her tongue in. It’s all teeth and tongues from there. You’re both panting and taking in gulps of air where you can, yet still refusing to unfurl yourselves from one another.

Eventually, the need for oxygen mounts to an all-time high, and you pull back, resting your head against the wall as JJ peppers kisses along your jawline.

“How did you not see?” you say between soft moans.

“I’m not a profiler,” JJ mumbles into your neck. She lifts her head, and you see her eyes are shimmering with humour.

“You’re also not blind.” you smugly point out.

“Neither are you.” She smirks.

A few seconds are spent simply smiling sweetly and dotingly at one another, eyes darting to and from eyes to lips. Then you’re kissing again, and the alleyway and the world seem to fade away, leaving only you and JJ.

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#jennifer jareau x you #jennifer jareau x reader #Jennifer Jareau #jennifer jj jareau #Jennifer Jareau fluff #Jennifer Jareau angst #criminal minds

[five-bi-five-mind]

I Can’t Love You In the Dark

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!reader

Genre: Angst; Hurt & Comfort; a lil Fluff

Words: 5.8k+ 

Summary: It wasn’t easy to be in love with JJ, especially when she kept you in the shadows. There was honestly no reason for her to hide you either. At least, not one that you understood. At first you said you understood, but after such a long time of being with her... you were at your limit. Would she make the leap for you or do you just have to walk away once and for all? 

Warnings: You could maybe take this as JJ is closeted so warning for that sort of topic. Although is she or is she just JJ? Who knows... Otherwise no other warnings.

A/N: It feels weird to end Pride Month on this note but hopefully the fic is something folks enjoy. Idk I just love writing emotionally guarded JJ and this was... I guess what I came up with? Oops. 

It was getting harder for you. When things first started you told yourself you were okay with it all. You understood. It didn’t have to be public, not right away anyways. But then things got even more serious and you wanted more, but you never wanted to push. So, you asked for some progress to be made. JJ was receptive, at least you thought so. She agreed and she promised. Baby steps, that’s what it would need to be. Baby steps. You could do that, you reassured her that you understood that too. Only, that first conversation was months ago and nothing has changed. 

You thought at least by now she would be holding your hand in public. Taking you on dates that didn’t consist of sitting at either her or your place and watching movies in the dark. It was getting increasingly harder to pretend that she meant nothing to you other than just someone you worked with when you all went out for drinks as a department. The stolen moments she spent with you when no one was looking were starting to get less exciting and, honestly, a little more sad for you. You just really needed more from her.

It hadn’t been a short time since you two started dating either. It’s been over a year now. So, a year of waiting, a year of hiding, and a year of pining to be like other couples. It was a year of desperately wanting to introduce JJ to your family and having her finally let you meet hers. Except you couldn’t. She wouldn’t allow it. 

When you two got started, you were honestly a little shocked that it had happened at all. Yeah, you had a small inkling that the spark you felt around her was not one-sided, but still JJ had never made any indication that she was gay, straight, or otherwise. In fact, JJ didn’t really talk much about romantic relationships in any type of way. You knew that Will had existed. From what you gathered from other people around the BAU, he was a little pushy, a little inconsiderate, and eventually they split before anything could get serious. That was about as much as you knew about JJ’s dating history in general before you two hooked up.

But then you started to notice the way she would look at you. She wasn’t exactly subtle. It surprised you that none of the team had said a word about it or even seemed to notice it. Maybe it was just because you paid so much attention to her that you were able to spot that she was doing the same thing. Either way, eventually one thing led to another and you found yourself locked in a heated kiss with Jennifer Jareau, the source of all your pining from the moment you got the job at the BAU, right in front of your apartment after she dropped you off one random, late night.

It was all history from there. JJ would come over often after work and one kiss would lead to another and then another until it led to even more. Suddenly, she was telling you she loved you and you two were promising each other that even if you weren’t public, you were exclusive. It made you happy at first. Until it didn’t. 

You saw your other friends have open, loving relationships and you couldn’t help but want more. Some days all you wanted to do was grab her hand in public and take her on dates where she wouldn’t care who bumped into her. The desire to one day be able to just lean over and kiss her cheek as you walk out of work or embrace her in relief after she gets back from a terrifying case overwhelmed you. You so deeply wanted to proudly love her and, yes, you said you could wait, but you’ve already been waiting so long. You were beginning to think you’d never get that.

Honestly, you weren’t quite sure why she was so hesitant to love you in public. She had never said anything about any of the team or her own family being against her loving another woman. JJ had said you weren’t the first she was with, in fact. Just the first she was actually serious about. But if she was so serious about you, then why the hesitation? Was it because you were also someone who worked at the BAU? You weren’t exactly even on the team, you just filled in for Penelope as the tech person when asked to. So, yeah you could see why it might be a small controversy for her to be dating a coworker, but it wasn’t like it would be the end all be all if they knew you two were together. Worst case, you two would split and you’d transfer to another unit. No big deal. So what was the problem? It was starting to get harder and harder to ignore the feeling that it was because she was ashamed of you. She assured you that wasn’t the case, but these feelings about being kept her secret were just starting to pile up.

And then there was the case that broke it all for you.

This was one of the semi-rare moments where you would fill in for Penelope, so you had every detail of this case at your fingertips. It was a hard one, the images you had to go through churned your stomach and the details on the unsub had you looking over your own shoulder, even if the team was working on the case from miles and miles away. But what was worse was your fear for them while they were out there. Or, more specifically, your fear for JJ’s safety. 

Something about this case felt different. It was like you had a gut feeling that something bad was going to happen. And of fucking course, your gut was right. You got the update from Emily and the way she spoke to you, as if your other half wasn’t currently in grave danger, struck you. She had no way of knowing. Of course, no one did. Her professionalism was completely understandable as she gave you orders on what to do from your side of the country to help the team. You’ve never worked faster on your end before until you heard that JJ was in danger. “Held hostage” were the words Emily used. She was calm, but you could still hear a slight change in her voice. As subtle as it was, you could tell she was anxious too. It was just her job to keep her cool. 

What was incredibly difficult for you was to do the same. You knew now was not the time to go exposing JJ and your relationship with her, but all you wanted to do was beg to go there. To be closer to the situation. Hell, you’d fist fight your way into the place she was being held if you had to. All you wanted was to make sure you saw her in person. If you could just run into her arms and assure yourself she was okay then everything would be better. But you couldn’t. If you asked to take a jet and be closer to help more, Emily would say it was unnecessary. If you pushed it, she would ask why. You were stuck there, waiting painfully for updates to come from the other end of the phone. 

Of course, everything turned out kind of okay in the end. JJ was injured, but not severely. Scrapes and bruises, you were assured over text by JJ herself. Except, you were still way too anxious to buy that. 

So instead you wanted to see for yourself. You knew when she was getting in, so you waited in the office for the team to return. When the jet landed it was only a matter of time before the whole team began flooding in to gather whatever things they left behind before taking off for this case a few days prior. You sat at JJ’s desk, nervously twiddling with your fingers while you kept your eyes glued to the hallway for signs of the team. 

Finally, you saw signs of the team. Hotch was first to walk in, then Emily, then Derek who also looked a little battered but still in one piece. Then you saw Spencer and Rossi, but still no JJ. They all seemed pretty intact, minus Derek’s minor injuries, but that immediately made you feel a little relieved. If they weren’t too beaten up then hopefully JJ wasn’t either. But why hadn’t you seen her yet?

Another minute went by and then another and you were getting anxious again. The team greeted you in passing as if nothing was wrong, but they didn’t know the real reason you were waiting. Finally, you heard footsteps again and there was JJ walking through the hall. 

Okay, walking was pushing it. More like she was limping. No wonder it took her a few extra minutes to catch up. She looked rough. There were bruises on her jaw, bandages on her forehead, and with every step you could tell she was wincing. Minor scrapes and bruises, your ass. You’d bet a month’s salary that under those bandages were a handful of stitches. If you didn’t know any better, by the way she looked with each step, you’d also say that she had a few broken ribs. 

Either way, you immediately shot up from where you sat the moment you laid eyes on her. Before JJ could reach you, you were already speed walking towards her. She hadn’t noticed you for a second, too busy focusing on actually managing to make her way through the BAU with her injuries. 

When she did finally see you coming, she stopped in her tracks. You stopped too once you were right in front of her. Your plan was to just get a closer look, ask her an innocent question of if she was okay or not. It wasn’t like you were going to fling yourself into her arms. Honestly, if you did that you thought she wouldn’t be able to remain standing.But then her face said it all as she saw you standing before her. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Her eyes shot around you to the rest of the team, no doubt checking to see if any of them were watching. You would wager a bet that they weren’t. They were probably all too busy trying to get home to their families to pay attention to you too. But still, JJ didn’t seem to notice that. She was looking more withdrawn by the second.

You took a step closer to her. Right now, you were just trying to shake off her reaction to make sure she was okay. That was your top priority. Because, from the looks of it, her appearance screamed that she got the shit kicked out of her. 

Your eyes took her in now that you were closer. She had definitely changed since before she got back on the jet, but still she seemed a little disheveled. JJ had bruises on her neck that you could tell dipped down underneath her collar. When your eyes scanned her whole body, you didn’t miss the way she shifted her weight off one foot to the other. She must have hurt her ankle too, you deduced. Then your eyes landed on her hands. One of them was heavily bandaged around her palm, the other wasn’t as well wrapped and you could see that each of her knuckles were badly scraped. 

The first thing that went through your mind was a dreadful curiosity at what she went through when held hostage. The next was that she had most definitely been through a trauma. Without really thinking, you took the hand that was bandaged into yours. 

You held it in your palm, flipping it over in your hands. She let you for a moment, but only a moment. “What happened to…” you trailed off when you realized she was slowly trying to pull away. Your own hand fell to your side as she pulled back from you as if your cautious touch still stung. For a second, you thought that was exactly it. That you had accidently hurt her palm without intending to, but then you looked up at her and she gave you an indiscreet shake of her head. One that told you not here. You knew that look and that reaction well.

Your heart sank. You felt frustrated. Way too frustrated for being the one who didn’t just go through something that was probably incredibly scary. But still, it was a different kind of trauma to wait back at the BAU while the love of your life was captured and you didn’t know if she would ever come home. 

You took one, then two big steps back. You shouldn’t have felt so hurt, but the pain of her action flooded your chest immediately. She mouthed a “tonight” to you as you got space from her. You knew that was her way of confirming she would be coming to your place after a few hours of decompressing from the case. 

All you did was nod. The rest of the night you joined the team as you all packed up and got ready to go to your own homes. All the small talk you had, you made sure to do it as far away from JJ as possible. It was hard, but you tried your best not to look her way. However, you definitely could still feel her eyes on you from across the room. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------

As per your usual routine with JJ, you heard a knock on your apartment door about 30 minutes after you had arrived home yourself. It was way past sundown, but even so you could see the exhaustion in JJ’s face with the moonlight as you greeted her at the door. You didn’t say anything when you opened the door for her, you just stepped aside and she followed you in. 

In the short time you had been alone after saying goodnight to the team and making your way to your apartment, you had made a decision. It was time to finally walk away. You knew that it was the right decision for you, even if it felt like a punch in the gut. But you couldn’t live like this anymore. It was nearly impossible to hide your feelings and concerns for her. And then her reaction to you tonight? It felt like a knife to the heart. All you wanted was to make sure she was okay. The team showed just as much affection for her, so why weren’t you allowed that too? It was getting so hard to not take these rejections, the sneaking around, and everything else that came with loving JJ in the shadows to be something more personal. 

So, maybe this was a decision that shouldn’t have been made in 30 minutes. It was big after all. She was the woman you’ve loved for so long. But then again, did you really make this decision in just 30 minutes? It felt like a decision waiting to be made for months now. It loomed over you like a menacing shadow. 

But then before you could get very far into your apartment, JJ’s arms wrapped around your waist from behind and you felt her lean her head down to press her cheek to your shoulder. She took a few deep breaths, taking you in after the trauma she had just been through.

You froze for a moment, your heart squeezing in pain. “I didn’t think I’d get this again,” JJ mumbled into your shoulder, her arms tightening around you. Those words struck your heart like a bolt of lightning. Your eyes squeezed shut and you bowed your head. The threat of tears was imminent. You had to be strong right now, you just had to be. But what if you were selfish? Just for a moment… She could have died, you reasoned with yourself. So indulge, because after this night you’ll cut yourself off from JJ completely. 

JJ started to turn you in her arms. You let her, even though it was clearly a mistake. The way she looked at you took your breath away. For a moment it was apologetic but then it quickly turned into something else. Her hand pressed against your cheek, urging you to meet her eyes. Something you were so desperately trying to avoid. A single tear slid down your cheek and JJ swiped it away gently with her thumb. 

“It’s okay,” She whispered. “I’m okay.” Those were the words she thought you wanted to hear. She knew you had fear for her during this case. The reaction you had at the BAU told her that that fear wasn’t quite eased, even with her return. But that wasn’t why you were struggling not to cry. Yes, it was a small part of it. You needed her to be okay, even if you were about to walk away. She held your heart in her hands, that care and love for her wouldn’t go away any time soon, if ever. No, you were trying not to cry because of how soft she was being. While you couldn’t feel her love out in public, it was in these small private moments where you really understood her feelings for you. It made everything all the more difficult. 

She was looking at you as if you were her whole world. Like she would do almost anything to keep you safe even if she was originally the one who’s life was in danger. It was breathtaking, really, the way her eyes were so expressive when she let herself openly love you. It was that expressiveness that only you got to see that made you fall in love with her in the first place. And right now it was tearing your heart apart. 

You both stood there in the middle of your apartment for god knows how long. Neither of you were watching the time. She just held you for a while, her arms running up and down your back to comfort you. As much as she loved seeing you and having the alone time with you right now, she was starting to feel that something was off. The minute she walked in, there was heaviness between the two of you that she wasn’t quite used to. It felt like it was creeping under her skin and making her whole body flood with anxiety. And you knew she could sense your mood after a while with the way her arms squeezed you that much closer. The conversation you needed to have wouldn’t be easy, the decision you were making felt like you were about to rip out the biggest part of you.

There wasn’t anyone in your life you loved more than JJ. She was more than your love, she was your life line, protecting you and healing you from all the terrifying things you’d seen in the profession you chose. It especially was hard when asked to fill in for Garcia. The cases JJ worked on seemed more brutal than most, but she faced them head on. You admired her for her strength and you appreciated her understanding of your inability to stomach it all. The way she would pull you into her arms at night and wash away your fears will always be something you’d be grateful for. It was something she was so desperately trying to do for you now, despite all she herself had gone through. There wouldn’t ever be enough words to tell her how much that gesture meant to you. She was always your anchor, she was trying to be that now, but it wasn’t enough. You didn’t want to stop loving Jennifer Jareau, but even more so you didn’t want to be loved by her in the dark. So, maybe right now you were a little selfish. Maybe as she held you in her strong arms, you let her for a little longer than you should. But you still knew what had to be done. 

She pressed a hand to the back of your head as she held you. You nuzzled your face closer into her neck, inhaling the comforting scent that was unique to her. Trying with everything inside of you to savor the feeling of her embrace and every other detail that came with JJ before you had to force yourself to let go. It almost seemed like she was doing the same as she buried her own face into the top of your head.

It was when she whispered an “I love you”  before pressing a kiss to your head that told you, you had been selfish enough. Those words washed over you like frigid water and suddenly everything inside of you that was in so much pain just screamed even louder. 

JJ felt the shift in your body after she did that. Your entire body felt tense in her embrace in an instant and she could tell you were ready to withdraw. She felt the resistance in you when her arms held you tighter.  

“Hey,” JJ pulled back to look at you. “What’s going on?” Her hands rubbed at your back, trying to encourage you to relax into her again. 

“I…” You couldn’t bear to look at her. Your heart broke as you tried your best to stay strong and take this step for yourself. With your eyes looking everywhere but at her face you finally said, “I think this might be too hard for me, JJ.” 

JJ gave you the most heartbroken look you’ve ever seen, but she didn’t let go of you. Instead, her hands moved to your own so she could interlock her fingers with yours. “I know it’s hard,” her voice was barely a whisper. She kept your hands in her own, pulling one up to her lips. With her lips pressed against your skin, she mumbled, “Let me make it easier for us.”

“How would you do that, JJ?” You wanted to put all your hopes into those words. The sincerity in her voice made your heart pound, but still you were hurting. Things weren’t easy when you were in love with Jennifer Jaruea and forced to hide it. It was exhausting, honestly, and you’ve heard her promises before. Things never changed, so how were you to trust that this time would be different.

“I’ll figure it out,” she said as she looked back up at you. That wasn’t a very reassuring answer, but for some reason that you couldn’t understand, she sounded so sure. Still, the resolve in you was slipping. Your head was spinning. You knew if you let her keep being so soft with you, so loving, you’d back out and say never mind to all of this, never mind to standing your ground and stopping the pain of being hidden by her. This wasn’t something you could say never mind to anymore. 

“Jennifer,” You took a step back and let go of her hands. She watched with a pained look as your eyes started to brim with tears. “I need more than this.”

“I know, I know. And we can have more I promise, I just need-”

“No,” You interrupted. Your voice wasn’t loud, it wasn’t harsh. It was barely above a whisper even, but it was firm and it immediately made JJ snap her jaw shut as she waited for you to continue. “You’ve promised before. I… I think I need you to go.” 

JJ just stood there for a moment as she watched you back up even further from her. The space you were taking from her was both literal and figurative as with each physical step you took it felt like you were trying to do the same emotionally. The pain in her eyes was twisting at your heart, but this needed to happen. And with each step your resolve grew a little more.

For a moment you both just stared at each other. The heavy silence in the room hung over you both with such a soul crushing heaviness. JJ could see you weren’t backing down, as much as it broke her heart. After a moment, she just nodded. You watched as she turned to leave without saying a word.

What killed you the most was the look of resolve JJ had in her eyes as she left you. Part of you hoped that look was a sign of determination to fix things. However, knowing JJ the way you did, it probably was her way of resolving to close herself off from you once and for all. Okay then, you thought, you could do the same. 

That night you curled up in your bed alone, hugging your knees to your chest while you mourned the loss of your love. Tomorrow when you walked into the BAU it would be a new day, you’d pick yourself up and begin to heal. 

——————————————

A week had gone by since that night. There were no calls from JJ since she walked out the door, no texts. There was radio silence. It was something that both hurt you to your very core and that you were unfortunately grateful for. If she had called you probably would’ve caved.

When you were at the BAU, she barely even looked your way. Luckily for you, you didn’t have to communicate with her as you helped close up the case you had been called in for. Any time you did catch a glimpse of her, it felt like you shattered into a million pieces all over again. Everything about your decision hurt, even if you knew it was the right one. These things take time right? Isn’t that what everyone says? So then why does it feel like you let your own world end right before your eyes.

But still, it’s been seven days and you haven’t caved yet. Yeah, JJ didn’t look at you, but you couldn’t help but steal painful glances at her. That was probably the only small backstep you’d ever let yourself take now. You couldn’t help it though, you were worried for her. 

She did look better with each passing day. Physically though, not emotionally. When you did see JJ’s face, she looked exhausted. Like she hadn’t slept in days. Honestly she looked… like you. You wondered if she couldn’t sleep without you the same way you couldn’t sleep without her. It was something you needed to stop thinking about. 

Despite all the pain and the inner battle to not go against your own promises, you were still able to hold strong. You worried for her so deeply and you ached to take her back, but you held your ground. At this point, you didn’t know what it would take to trust JJ’s words or what could possibly fix things. But you also thought JJ’s pride was hurt enough to never ask for you back either. You knew when you made this decision, if it was going to be over it would probably really be over. 

So, when she tapped you on the shoulder while you were working with Penelope on learning some new tech, it really caught you off guard.

“Can we talk?” JJ looked at you anxiously as spoke. You were speechless for a moment, not sure how to respond. This should be about work, right? If she was asking right in front of Penelope, it had to be. But if it wasn’t, what would happen? Would you break and run back into her arms? There was a strong possibility you’d break all your new rules and do just that.

“Please?” She asked again. Penelope looked at you with a curious look and you realized the tension between you two was probably causing some suspicions to arise. 

“Yeah,” you finally relented. 

“Great,” JJ gave you a nervous nod. “Come with me?” She didn’t even wait for you to agree to that before spinning on her heel and leaving the room.

You tried to follow her as best you could, but it was like she was on a mission. Never had you felt so much nervous energy radiating off the blonde than you did right now. It was quickly putting you on edge too. Whatever her behavior was, you were really starting to think this wasn’t work related. You felt your stomach twist into anxious knots as you followed JJ to wherever she was going. 

Soon, you realized she was taking you to her desk. A very public, professional space, you thought. The anxiety slightly dissipated, but when JJ shoved a small stack of papers in your hand it was quickly replaced with confusion.

“I need you to sign a couple things,” she said as she handed you a pen.

“What uh…” You scanned the page trying to make sense of what was in front of you. “What is all this?”

“Paperwork.” JJ was avoiding your eyes when you looked back up to give her a skeptical glare. You could see that much, but still when did she ever need you to do paperwork? That really wasn’t your part of the job.

When JJ realized you weren’t going to actually read any of it or sign anything until she explained more she let out a frustrated sigh. “It’s for HR,” She finally said. 

HR? Your eyebrows shot up. 

“It’s- Look I-” JJ was really struggling to find the right words. “I like to do things by the books. You need to sign that so we don’t get in trouble for… for being…”

She was still struggling and you just waited. Confusion still filled your mind. Was she trying to get you to sign stuff so that you wouldn’t report her for the things you two did behind closed doors? You hoped she would know you’d never do that to her, but then again this was JJ. She was always so cautious, so guarded.

JJ took a deep breath, trying to center herself before trying to speak again. Finally, you watched as her shoulders squared and she looked you dead in the eye. “I need you to sign those so that we can be a couple and do this right without getting in trouble.”

To say you looked shocked would’ve been an understatement. Your eyes went from her to the paper to her again. Did you hear her right? As if reading your mind, JJ took the papers in your hand, placing them down on her desk before taking your own hand into hers. You stared at the way her palm cradled your hand in the public space of the BAU with disbelief.

“Just hear me out for a second,” JJ started and you barely managed to tear your eyes away from the fact that she was actually holding your hand right now. 

“Many of us,” JJ started, “have had close calls. We’ve seen the worst. We’ve lived through it. And all of us carry regrets.” JJ paused for a moment, taking another deep breath. “Now, when you’re faced with the worst, those regrets come to the surface. They play through your mind over and over again until you feel sick.” 

JJ’s hand squeezed yours and you were yet again caught off guard by how raw and open JJ was being. Her eyes shined with the threat of tears and you barely saw her this vulnerable in private. Now you two were out in the open… Your eyes darted behind you to catch a glimpse of both Derek and Emily who just stood back in the corner of the large office space. There was no doubt in your mind that they weren’t hearing all of this. That little fact shocked you even more. JJ had to be aware that they were there, right?

“When I was held hostage last week, I never imagined that my biggest regret was that I didn’t kiss you before I left.” You let out a gasp as she continues. The words were finally in the air. If holding your hand in public hadn’t been obvious to everyone involved that there was something between you two then that really did.  “And, I promise, if you let me, I will never let myself have that regret again. So, please… Please, let me?” 

When you wondered before if there was anything JJ could do to get you back and make it up to you, never did you think she would do this. But goddamn was it the right fucking thing to do.

You bit your lip hard, trying your best to hold back tears. All you could do was fervently nod your head in agreement. You wanted to scream Yes! Yes 100 times yes! But the words weren’t able to come out. Not with JJ grabbing your face in a flash and pulling her lips to crash against yours.

Somewhere in the back of the room you could hear Derek cheer and if it were any other moment you’d roll your eyes at how cheesy and cliche this moment was. But right now you didn’t care. You kissed JJ back, trying with every fiber of your being to show her just how much you loved her and how badly you needed this exact moment. 

You had no idea you were waiting for this moment since the minute she walked out of your apartment. Even more, you had no idea JJ was planning this moment since the minute you told her you needed more. God, but it was just what you both needed. 

JJ pulled back from the kiss to press her forehead to yours, the palm of her hand caressing your cheek. Never had you felt so loved, especially in public, than in that very moment and it made your heart pound in your chest in the best possible way. 

“Finally!” You heard Derek holler behind the two of you. 

“You owe me fifty bucks,” You heard Rossi say from somewhere else in the room. “I told you they’d get it together eventually.”

“It’s not that I thought they wouldn’t,” Penelope argued from the same corner Rossi’s voice came from. “It’s just that I thought it would happen a lot later.”

You and JJ pulled back from each other, but not before JJ’s hands slipped back into yours. She gave you the brightest, most beautiful smile you had ever seen and as you stared up at her you thought, in this moment, you’ve never loved her more. 

“I think it took me long enough. Don’t you?” JJ gave you a sheepish grin. “But I promise I’ll make it up to you.” 

And you believed her. With everything in your heart, you believed her.

taglist: @geekyandgay98 @desperate-gay @high--power 

Join the taglist here

#jennifer jareau x reader #jj x reader #jennifer jareau x you #jj x you #jennifer jareau #jj #criminal minds #jennifer jareau angst #wlw #fanfic #five-bi-five-mind

[sabage101]

Card declines at therapy and they bring out the parents of the boy who was alive yesterday

#CM #criminal minds headcanons #criminal minds #season 5 #spencer reid angst #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #dave rossi #penelope garcia #Mosley lane #spencer reid x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #bau team #bau x reader #angst #episode16 #whyyyy #ouchie

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Fend For Your Life

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~3.5k

Warnings: plane crash angst, everyone on board is dead but you, survivor's guilt, sewing yourself up painfully

Request by anon: Can I please request Jennifer Jareau x reader. Reader is sent on an important undercover mission, so when her helicopter 'crashes' in the middle of nowhere and she is stranded on an island for months on end. Jj (her wife) and the team are going out of their way to find her. (Once reader returns from the island, she isn't the same as before she left. Little things scare her, etc.she also leaves the bau)

Summary: You're going on a solo mission with two SWAT members to save victims you don't know are alive in a country you've never been to before while the rest of the team searches for the unsub. JJ, your wife, eagerly waits for your arrival back home... but that never comes.

Square Filled: rescue mission for @badthingshappenbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

This is the biggest mission you’ve ever been on while at the BAU. The unsub is kidnapping young women in Florida and taking them to a remote location somewhere in Cuba. Your mission is to go to Cuba and rescue the victims (however many that may be) and bring them back home. You’ll be going with two SWAT members while the rest of the BAU works to hunt the unsub down before he snatches another girl.

Your team profiled that the unsub is in Florida right now based on the airport traffic. You’d given the sketch to all airports in Florida, and one of them stated that someone like that came through not that long ago. It’ll take you an hour to get to Havana where you believe the unsub is holding his victims, and you’re only going on a rescue mission so you don’t need other agents with you. Plus, you’d have two SWAT members with you, so you’ll be okay.

“Someone should go with you,” JJ says as you prepare for the flight.

“Baby, you know we need everyone on the ground here. This unsub is smart. The fewer agents we have trying to get him, he could get away. I’ll be fine.”

JJ bites her lower lip in concern, and you prepare to walk over to her. You reach up and remove her lip from between her teeth. She sighs heavily and looks you in the eyes.

“You know I worry.”

“JJ, my love, I will be okay. I’ll return home with however many hostages in no time. The flight is only an hour.” You pull your wife in for a kiss that will ease her concerns. She always feels better after one of your kisses. “Be strong. I will be okay.”

“Please be careful,” she whispers.

“I always am.”

She and Hotch escorts you to the plane that’s waiting for you where the pilot and the two SWAT members are.

“Remember, get the hostages and leave. We don’t know if this unsub has partners or not. We don’t know what’s happening over there.”

“Hotch, you’re gonna scare my wife,” you chuckle. “I will be fine. Just focus on getting the unsub. He’s here somewhere. I have faith in you.”

“Good luck,” Hotch nods and leaves you and JJ alone.

“Promise me we’re gonna take this weekend off and get a hotel or something.”

“I promise. You can pick whatever place you want. I gotta go. I love you.”

“I love you.”

You kiss her quickly and get on the plane. She waits until the door is closed before returning to Hotch who is in the car. As you said, the flight only takes an hour, and there is no issue with getting there. The Havana Police meet you at the airport and guide you to the location where they suspect the unsub has taken his victims. The run-down warehouse is located in a remote part of town where the only people that come here is to buy fish and make illegal deals for a multitude of things.

You’re the lead agent on this team so you’re responsible for what happens to every single person with you. The Havana Police wait outside while the two SWAT members go in first. They secure the room before allowing you inside, and you hold your gun out in front of you protectively. This place is big so you have to sweep it from left to right and not miss a single room.

There isn’t much artificial light that helps, so you have to rely on the natural light that seeps in through the high windows and cracks from the doors. This place is covered from head to toe with dust since this place hasn’t been used in a while. It used to be a booming warehouse that shipped and stocked high-grade fishing equipment for big ships, but ever since the company bought a bigger place closer to where the ports are, this place got shut down.

The first two rooms are used for storage that is too small to hold victims, and the next two are bone-dry with no furniture or anything inside. There are high shelves with equipment on them lining the middle of the big warehouse that you move through while keeping your ears on alert. Any little noise or movement will have you and the two SWAT members ready to attack.

You reach one of the back rooms that is locked which is weird since no one uses this warehouse anymore. The Havana Police say they’re in the process of emptying this place out but haven’t gotten time to remove everything yet.

“Can you get this open?” you whisper to the SWAT member who has a background in opening locks.

“Easy,” he whispers back.

You and the other SWAT member watch his back while he gets on his knees and works to unlock the door. It takes him only a minute which according to him, that’s his record. The same man grabs the doorknob and waits for your cue before opening it. You burst inside with your gun drawn just in case there is anyone inside that wants to attack you. 

Instead of the unsub or a potential partner, there is a young woman in the middle of the room tied to a concrete pole. There are two other women lying on the ground but based on the smell they’re emitting, they’re dead and have been dead for a while. Still, you walk over to them and check for a pulse even though you know it’s pointless. Next, you move to the woman in the middle of the room and use your knife to cut her loose.

“Please help me,” she cries.

“My name is Agent Y/N with the FBI. You’re going to be okay. Your name is Elizabeth, right?”

“Yeah. He killed them,” she sobs. “He just let them die.”

“Okay, come on. Let’s get you home. Are you okay?” She nods, and you help her to her feet and bring her outside where the Havana Police are. “There are two more girls inside who are dead. I need to get her back to the States. My team will coordinate with you in bringing the other two back home so their families can claim them.”

“Of course,” the lead detective says.

To not disturb the plane’s navigation system, you wait until you’re in the air to call Hotch. The two SWAT members are relaxing, Elizabeth is trying to get some sleep, and you’re by yourself in the back. Everyone is waiting in the briefing room for you to call. They caught the unsub when he was trying to get to the harbor with another victim, so all they’re waiting for is for you to return.

“Go ahead, Y/N. You’re on speakerphone with everyone in the room,” Hotch says.

“I got the hostage, Elizabeth. The other two women were dead when I arrived. I told the detective that you’d coordinate with them to bring them home. I would have stayed, but Elizabeth needs a hospital.”

“I understand. We got the unsub. He’s in interrogation right now.”

“I got a hold of Elizabeth’s family. They should be on their way now,” JJ says. “By the time you get back, they’ll be here.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured. Don’t worry, JJ, I will make sure--”

Just like that, the line goes dead.

“Y/N? Are you there?” There is no answer. “What the hell happened?”

“Garcia, can you trace the call?”

Penelope gets on her laptop and tries to pinpoint your location but is unable to. It’s like the signal got lost in the middle of the ocean.

“Sir, I can’t find it.”

“What do you mean you can’t find it?” JJ panics.

“It means she’s in the middle of the ocean and there are no cell towers out there. I can’t pinpoint the location.”

“What the hell happened to her?”

What the hell did happen to you? You have to blink several times to get your vision to focus which is when you finally see the situation for what it is. Fire is all around you like an unwanted guest in your home. You look down and see both SWAT members dead on the ground, you try to look up and see the pilot is impaled on a branch sticking out of the base of the tree, and you look to your left to see Elizabeth still in her seat. However, her head is backward because her neck is broken.

“Oh, God,” you gasp.

Your plane went down. Something went wrong and it crashed into some island in the middle of nowhere. Why are you the only one that’s alive? How the hell are you gonna get home now? You look down and see a big metal shard from the plane stuck in your leg. The only way you’re going to survive is if you get out of this. It’s gonna hurt like hell but you have to do what you have to do.

You’re not that high above ground so you feel confident you can survive the fall to the ground. You unbuckle your seatbelt and fall to the ground on your ass. Pain erupts from the impact site but it’s nothing compared to the pain in your leg. The plane is broken up into dozens of pieces across a vast expanse of the jungle, and the first aid kit is located in one of those pieces.

If you remove the shard now, you can bleed out so you have to make sure you have the first aid kit with you before you do anything. You can’t put any pressure on your leg or else the shard will be forced out by the pressure, so you crawl over to the area where the first aid kit should be. Luck is on your side because you find it easily and you open it to see what you’re working with.

To prevent yourself from bleeding out, you remove one of your shoestrings so you can make a tourniquet. You tighten the shoestring so tight to cut off your blood supply to the area before yanking the shard out. You scream out in pain and reach into the first aid kit with shaky hands. There are needles and stitches since you thought it was a good idea to include those in first aid kits. You’re not the best when it comes to sewing but you try your best to close your wound.

You scream out in pain when the needle makes contact with your skin.

“Garcia, did you find anything?” JJ asks.

Penelope has not stopped looking for you and Hotch is on the phone with the Coast Guard. They might be able to help if they’d seen a plane go crashing down--if that’s what happened.

“I’m trying to find something I can use that--Wait! I found something. Reports are flooding in from a cruise ship that claims it saw a plane go crashing down in flames.”

“Oh, my God,” JJ whispers and lets her tears fall.

“Okay, I’ll be in touch,” Hotch says and hangs up. “Find that plane, Garcia.”

It hurt like a bitch but you managed to sew your skin together to keep your wound closed. Your hands and leg are covered in your blood, but no new blood has seeped out of your wound. Before you wrap the wound in gauze, you need to clean the wound. There isn’t much when it comes to cleaning solutions but there is a small stream of water close to where the plane crashed.

If you couldn’t put weight on your leg before, you certainly can’t do it now. You scoot along the ground over to where the stream is with the gauze in hand. This is a fresh water stream so it doesn’t burn when you clean your leg and wound. Once done, you place the gauze around your leg to prevent bugs and dirt from getting into the wound and infecting it. If you don’t receive medical care soon, you’re scared you’re going to lose your leg.

Who knows when you’re going to get found or if the BAU even knows you’re gone? You were on the phone with them when the plane landed so they must know something happened to you. When are you going to get found? Are you going to get found? What will happen to your leg if you don’t get to a hospital?

The first thing you need to do is find shelter because you’ve already found water to drink, which you take some time to rehydrate. You don’t have the best survival skills when it comes to this kind of stuff, but you do know you need to shelter yourself from the hot sun and the cold nights. Parts of the plane will have to do since you’re not sure how you’re going to build something with a busted leg and have no knowledge of how to do this.

Fortunately, there is a section of the plane that is hollow enough for you to fit comfortably inside. The next thing you need to do is build a fire to keep you warm during the night. Your parents sent you to summer camps when you were younger that taught you how to survive in the wild if you ever needed to, but that was such a long time ago. You used to be an expert at making fires but you haven’t used this skill in such a long time.

You can either use your glasses to magnify the sun to start a fire, use two rocks to create a spark, or rub two pieces of wood together to create enough friction for a fire. Either way, you’re stuck trying to make the fire all day. As long as the sun is still up, you have hope that a fire can be started before nightfall.

The only supplies you have are three guns and a knife Derek gifted to you for Christmas last year. If you want to eat, you’ll have to kill for it before the animals kill you. Besides the fire crackling next to you and the sounds of animals, there are no sounds to give you comfort. There is no doubt that the animals smell your blood and the dead bodies. They will come for you sooner or later, and you pray it’s the latter.

Don’t fall asleep. You’re scared they’ll get you if you fall asleep.

Penelope comes into work extra early to try and find where the plane is. No one got any good sleep knowing you’re out there suffering and JJ refused to sleep without you next to her. She is exhausted when she comes to work but she won’t stop until you’re found.

“Pen, did you find anything?” she yawns and grabs some coffee.

“I might have.” Both she and JJ walk to the briefing room where everyone else is. “So, I found the general area where Y/N could have landed, but it’s not an exact location.”

“That’s good, right?” Spencer asks.

“No. The problem is that there are twenty islands within that vicinity, and I can’t narrow down the list. She’s in the Bahamas.”

For being in the Bahamas, this fucking sucks. You’re in some kind of jungle with no one around you for hundreds of miles. Whatever went wrong with the plane, you don’t think you were meant to be a survivor. It could have been a mechanical failure, the pilot could have done this on purpose, or someone could have shot you out of the sky. Without your team here, you’re not sure how you crash-landed.

Your leg isn’t doing any better because it’s throbbing, and even through the bandages you can see how infected it is. You’re trying to wash it out with water every so often to keep it clean but it’s hard, and the first aid kit isn’t helping much anymore. You’re starving since you haven't eaten anything since before you left Florida. You haven’t had the heart to kill anything because you hate killing live animals. JJ often makes fun of you for not being able to kill a fly so it’s heartbreaking knowing you’ll have to kill an animal for food.

How long will you be able to live like this before you succumb to the sweet relief of death?

The first two islands that the BAU searched were a bust. They started with the smallest ones in hopes you’ll be there but nothing came up. It took a couple of days per island to search and the longer you go unfound, the more JJ’s heart breaks.

Days turned to weeks that turned to months, and you’re not sure if you’re ever going to go home. You’re lying on the ground in silence except for the animals who have definitely gotten closer to you. They’re eating through the dead bodies and will eventually make their way to you. You don’t have enough bullets to protect yourself with, but maybe you can make it another week.

At least the stars look pretty.

It takes weeks to scour through the bigger islands with the hope of finding you alive getting smaller and smaller. Half of the team believes you’re dead while the other half are starting to think that. JJ flat-out refuses to believe you’re gone until she sees a body. The only reason they’re still looking for you and wasting resources is that you’d do the same for them if they were lost. You’re part of their family and they need to find you dead or alive at this point.

Eventually, they reach one of the biggest islands in that group of twenty. They only have a few more islands to go through so if they don’t find you within those, there’s no telling where you can be.

“Y/N!” JJ yells as she treks through the dense forest. The rest of the team is behind her looking and calling out for you as well. There is a helicopter above you to get some aerial views of the islands. They walk a mile further into the island when they see the first sign that you’re here: part of the plane. “Guys! Look! Y/N!!”

You’re lying on the ground in so much pain from your leg and from your stomach. You’ve eaten very little since the crash so you’ve lost a lot of weight which means you’re so tired. You don’t have any bullets anymore to protect yourself but what’s the point if you’re going to die here anyway? You close your eyes to get some sleep when you hear your name being faintly called.

Are you hallucinating? This isn’t the first time you thought you heard your wife calling for you. Maybe this has been a really bad dream and you’re at home in bed with JJ. Your leg isn’t as bad as you thought it was going to be but it’s very red and oozing pus even through the gauze.

“Y/N!”

“I’m here,” you mutter weakly. The team follows the plane parts to where the main crash is and where you are. JJ gasps and runs over to you to make sure you’re alive. “You found me.”

“I’m right here. Oh, my God! Guys! I found her!” JJ cries.

Derek and Emily join JJ’s side to help you while the rest checks on the others even though it’s pretty clear they’re dead.

“They’ve been dead for months,” you groan as they help you sit up. “I’m so happy to see you guys.”

Hotch takes out his phone to contact the people in the helicopters.

“We found her. We need a medic down here.”

“You don’t have to worry anymore. You’re gonna be okay,” JJ promises.

You’re taken to the States immediately with JJ and Hotch in the helicopter with you while the others stay behind to get the dead bodies back to their families and to figure out why the plane went down. You’re taken into surgery as soon as you get to the hospital which lasted more than twenty-four hours. They saved your leg but you’re going to have to endure physical therapy for months to get you back to how you were walking before, and you might not even get there.

Still, you’d take this over dying alone any day.

You’re severely malnourished so you’re hooked up to IVs to give you the nutrients you’ve lacked for months.

“JJ?” you whisper.

She is by the window just thinking when she hears your voice. She quickly turns and joins your side by the bed. She takes your hand and kisses the back of it.

“What is it, baby?”

“I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“Don’t. This is not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I tried for months to keep the animals off them, but I guess I wasn’t successful,” you cry. JJ wants to cry for you knowing what you must have gone through but she doesn’t let them fall. “I’m so hungry.”

“Do you want jello?”

“Yes, please,” you sniffle.

She leaves the room in search of some jello which gives you time to reflect on your future as a person and with the BAU. You’re not so sure you can continue this job because these last two months have changed you in ways you never thought you’d change, and you don’t think it’s for the better.

x

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[forhappysake]

"Because I love you."

A/N - Guys I'm really into these sappy pieces recently. Pls feel free to send requests for something else if inspired. Also, I might be doing a pt.3 to Teach Me at some point, I just have to pick where the story is going.

Summary - A showdown with an unsub leaves you in the hospital. Spencer can't help but feel guilty. Could almost losing you push him to confess his love? (spoilers: yes it does)

Warnings - spencer x reader, BAU level violence, some angst on Spencer's part, fluff, and a love confession

You stared down at your hands, battered and bloodied from your futile attempts to fight back. Caught off guard during an interview with a man who was only supposed to be an eye witness,  not the unsub himself, forced you to fight for your life. By the time the neighbors heard the scuffle and called the local police to come to your rescue, you figured you looked like you’d been through seven rounds of an MMA fight. Your head ached, your eye was swollen shut, and you nearly cried in agony with every breath as you were certain you’d broken a rib. 

After a tense standoff with the local police, the unsub was in custody, leaving you on the floor with your many wounds. You managed to stand yourself up and walk out the door to the waiting ambulance, only to collapse into the EMT’s arms. You felt yourself being loaded in the back of the vehicle as they started an IV. As consciousness drifted away from you, you couldn’t help but wonder where your team was. 

***

You awoke in the hospital to the steady sound of your heart monitor beeping and muffled conversation from outside your room. Your bloodied clothes had been traded in for a hospital gown at some point, and your midsection was bound tightly with some sort of bandages, you assumed to keep your rib in place. You managed to open your good eye in an attempt to find the source of those muffled voices. Your eyes landed on Emily and JJ speaking in the corner of the room, voices hushed. 

“He can’t blame himself. None of us saw this coming,” Emily said, her voice stern but laced with concern. 

JJ shook her head. “He feels terrible, Emily. I’ve seen him come in and out of here crying three times in the last two hours. He rarely cries.” 

Who could they be talking about?

Emily looked at the floor in silence, trying to formulate a reply. JJ cleared her voice to speak again. “They’re partners, Emily,” JJ said, “Of course he’s going to blame himself.” 

Spencer. 

Deciding you’d had enough of eavesdropping, you did your best to sit up, only to let out a whimper when a sharp pain pierced your side. JJ and Emily turned to face you, surprised looks on both their faces. 

“Hey, just lay back,” JJ encouraged. She rushed to the bedside, placing a soothing hand on your arm.

“How long have I been asleep?” you asked. 

Emily shook her head, “Only twelve hours, which isn’t very much considering what you’ve been through. I’ll tell the doctors you need another IV and some pain medication.”

As she turned for the door, you shook your head, “Emily, wait.”

Emily turned to face you, coming to stand at the foot of your bed. “What is it?”

“Where’s Spencer?” you asked. Emily looked to JJ, the two of them sharing a knowing glance. You and Spencer had always been close, as partners and friends. 

“He’s been going back and forth between pacing the parking lot and the lobby for hours. I can’t imagine how many steps he’s taken,” Emily joked. “I’ll go get him for you.” With that, she turned and left the room, leaving you and JJ to catch up on what you’d missed in the last few hours. 

JJ explained what happened after you’d passed out: how the unsub was in custody, finding another victim in his basement, and the team realizing that they’d sent you out to interview the lunatic on your own. “We just thought he was going to give you some information about the case. We had no reason to think that he was the one who-”

You shook your head, holding up a hand to stop her. “I didn’t think so either. It’s why I agreed to go alone. Nobody’s at fault.” 

JJ nodded, a solemn look on her face. “I’m just so glad you’re okay. We were all so worried once we connected the dots. I was telling Emily - I haven’t seen Spencer so stressed in years.” 

As if on cue, both you and JJ turned to the sound of rushed footsteps coming down the hallway. Spencer’s tall frame was running (no, sprinting) down the hospital corridor. You felt a small smile tug at the corner of your lips as he burst into the room, hair danging in front of his eyes and clearly out of breath. 

He approached your bedside, leaning down so he could be face-to-face with you. You could only see him with one good eye, but you did your best to smile to show him that you were doing alright. You brought a hand to his face, pushing the fallen strands of hair out of his eyes so you could see him more clearly. “Hello to you too,” you joked. 

“Y/N-” Spencer started, the tears quickly gathering in his eyes, “I’m so sorry. I should’ve gone with you. I should have known that-” 

“That the guy who called into the tipline was actually the unsub? Spencer, be logical. None of us knew. I was just telling JJ, nobody is at fault.”

A single tear fell down his cheek as he examined your injuries. With each scratch and bruise he found, he felt another crack forming in his heart. He hadn’t protected you. Wasn’t that what he was supposed to do? He was your partner. Your best friend. He loved you, that he knew. He’d forced that love to be as platonic as he could make it, trying to avoid ruining your perfect friendship. It was moments like this that made that more difficult than ever, as he tried to reckon with his love and his guilt. 

Your bruised hand was still cradling his face. He could feel the bandages against his stubble, and he cursed himself again. It was only then that the other presence in the room became known to him. JJ stood on the other side of the bed, another knowing smile gently painting her lips. Spencer knew what he had to do. JJ knew what Spencer had to do. He looked at her, his eyes subtly asking her to leave the two of you alone. JJ took the hint with a small nod, leaving the room without another word as you and Spencer continued to examine each other. 

“So, JJ’s filled me in on what I missed,” I said, breaking the silence. “Sounds like a pretty exciting half day,” I joked. 

Spencer shook his head, pulling away from your hand. He didn’t go far, though, intertwining his own with yours as he leaned back from the bed. “I was worried sick,” he said. 

“I can tell, Spence,” you said, trying to prop yourself up with your pillow. “You really shouldn’t have been. You know I always come out of these things relatively unscathed.” He raised an eyebrow at your statement, taking in your swollen and bruised features. “Well… maybe not unscathed. Alive, at least,” you quipped. 

An eerie silence fell over the room. You could feel the tension increase as the gears turned in his head.

“But what if you don’t someday?” he whispered, his voice far away. You looked over at him, his eyes fixed on your heart monitor and the gentle green lines rising and falling accompanied by the signature beep-beep-beeping. 

You squeezed his hand in an attempt to bring him back down to Earth. “I’ll always come back, Spencer. It’s what you and I do. We come back alive for each other.” 

The tears that had pooled in his eyes earlier spilled over his cheeks as he let out a small whimper. He leaned down, gently wrapping his arms around you as he wept. “Hey, it’s okay Spencer,” you tried to calm him. 

“No, it’s not. It-it’s not because,” he trailed off. You could still feel his shoulders shaking as he cried. 

“Why, Spencer?” you asked once more. “Please, you can tell me anything.” 

Suddenly his sobs slowed. He pulled back from your embrace, taking in your features. Bruised and battered as you were, you were the most beautiful person he’d ever seen. He felt like his heart was going to explode. Before his brain could catch up with his mouth, the words came tumbling out. “Because I love you,” he said simply. 

Your jaw dropped open at his words. While you should’ve seen this coming, nothing could prepare you for the way your heart jumped. If it wasn’t evident from the expression on your face, the heart monitor picked up its beeping, nearly doubling its pace. The sound wasn’t lost on Spencer, who frantically looked at the screen.

“Oh no,” he mumbled, quickly walking to the monitor. “Did I upset you? I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’ve just felt this way for so long and if I keep pretending like I don’t-”

“Spencer,” you cut him off, his eyes meeting yours for the first time in minutes. “I love you too.” 

The look on his face was priceless, and you wished you could have taken a picture, but you did your best to engrave it on your brain forever. His brown, teary eyes brightened in a moment, a glimmer of hope shining from within. “You do?” he asked. 

You laughed, allowing your head to fall back on the pillow behind you. “Spencer, I volunteer to work with you during nearly every case. We split a room every week. I only wished that you’d said this sooner so we could’ve split the bed, too.”

He stared at you in shock. The tears in his eyes long forgotten as a smile crept on his face.

A soft laugh left his mouth as he leaned down to you once more, placing a soft kiss on your forehead, careful to avoid any injured area. “Well, I promise that next time we can,” he said. “And,” he started once more, “I’m never letting you go anywhere by yourself again.”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers over his own. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

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